any tips on learning about indirect communication would be handy for business or parenting I’ve got another parent I got a million parenting questions yes you know avoiding like I was saying that that’s kind of why you can’t really just talk about something because there’s actually if you want to quantify the parenting questions is infinity good question there’s no end to the parenting question because it’s just so ambiguous I don’t know really good line is the bottom line is parenting is leadership so the principles can be applied yes but there are some dynamics there and they’re all in your own head yeah that’s where they are there you’re in your own head as a parent they’re this emotional thing that you have stronger than you have it for any other person you’re ever gonna work with and that is you know you want them to succeed more than anybody else yeah you want them to succeed you want them to be better you want them to do better you all those things and that’s the dynamic that makes it tricky yeah and then there’s this weird dynamic – of the way they look at you and they either want to impress you or they want to rebel against you or they see you as being a you know imposing on them so there’s just these other dynamics you know within the leadership confines that are that are very challenging and again I can’t judge whether I’ve been successful yet because I only have up my oldest daughter is 16 and the youngest daughters six and and then I have a daughter and another daughter so in the middle and then I know that there are specific mistakes that I have made I know that and I you know then mistakes like what does that mean you know I mean of course you know because if you go to extreme but because really successful or I don’t say success but really driven people people were just you know how you get somebody who’s driven but it’s usually usually because some need so during development wasn’t fulfilled and I’m not saying and you can’t even say it’s a bad thing because as a result they’re driven because psychologically it’s like a need that needs to be fulfilled so since that little cup remain kind of empty a little bit there’s trying to fill it with all these other things because life went on new skills new developments new situations and they’re still trying to fill that little illogical Cup and it’s manifesting in this other way you know through business through you know being a Navy SEAL jiu-jitsu champion you know whatever it may be but yeah but typically and I’m saying every single time I’m sure there’s exceptions or maybe there’s not exceptions I don’t know but nonetheless you can usually find some need that went unfulfilled somewhere for people who are super driven so if you made a mistake parenting is was that really a mistake you know in that kind of situation so like as it’s it’s so ambiguous you know you think you like what is a successful parent yeah that’s my point that’s why I don’t want to talk to you about parenting because I don’t know I don’t feel like an authority on it right that should be yeah giving instruction yeah it’s hard to even how can you be I mean I think I’m doing an okay job well yeah so you figure if they’re not in jail or super addicted to like drugs or something like this or then you can say okay I’m I think I think in my opinion I’m within the confines of being a successful and you know what since we’re talking about it you see some kids I’ve known kids your kids I grew up with with nice parents and all that and they go off the rails and that’s really skinny of you do you blame the parents I mean I don’t know in my opinion it’s because of the parents yes but that’s not the question do you blame the parents I don’t know we got a question on here about in nature-nurture so I’m gonna talk about that here in a minute but indirect communication let’s get back to this so indirect communication is obviously extremely powerful it’s also tricky to pull off because you can’t let your emotions show and you can’t just speak your mind you have to think about what you’re gonna say you have to think about how it will be received and understood by the person or by the people that you’re talking to you gotta put yourself into their shoes in hear it from their perspective and that’s really hard to do and the other piece about this another piece to think about if you’re trying to improve your indirect communication go into your conversations with a goal not just a goal of the conversation itself but it a strategic goal of what you’re trying to accomplish a commander’s intent why are you having this conversation what is the endgame what is the end state where are you trying to what are you trying to make happen yeah and keep that in mind as you talk to this person or this group of people and then read and react to see how you’re saying and and how much what you’re saying is leading to the end state that you’re looking for because sometimes we just think about the conversation itself and the conversation itself doesn’t matter what are you trying to do in the end state it’s like we talked about before a few podcasts ago the argument that you’re having whether you’re right or whether you’re wrong doesn’t matter what matters is the end state where you trying to get this to be what are you how you trying to influence this person and remember that the best way to win is for your opponent to not even realize that there’s a debate that’s the best way to win and you get some people some people instinctively counter everything that you say you know they have a response they have a thing they they’ve got a counter everything that you say don’t do that if you want to work on your indirect communication skills absorb what they’re saying right the best way to get better at indirect communication is to listen listen not talk but listen and as a matter of fact when you sit back and you let people talk you’re progressing so much because most people don’t want to listen most people want to run their mouths and if you ever find yourself running your mouth you should put yourself in check because you’re giving away too much information and so you want to listen you want to try and actually understand what they’re saying and here’s another good one if you don’t understand what they’re saying just ask them to explain it again mm-hmm hey kit can you can you explain that to me again that missed it I don’t understand I would they why that implies that I want to understand it implies that I’m doing my best to understand it implies that if I don’t understand I’m gonna be frank enough with you to tell you that is how you get better than direct communication because the more you listen to somebody the better you understand their position and when you know where someone’s position is the better you can maneuver onto that position the better you can get to a flank the better you can make adaptations and the better tactics you have to win and that’s how you get better at indirect communication yeah you mentioned how oh you don’t like if you don’t listen and you know how how you fail to put yourself in the other person’s shoes right this thing called the curse of knowledge right so let’s say I’m this high level CEO sometimes we tend to forget how it is to not be the high level CEO or how it we forget how it is to not know everything we know that’s the curse of knowledge like the knowledge basically blocks you from identifying someone who doesn’t know you know so and that goes into these weird details you know how when you get enough knowledge certain significant knowledge becomes common sense to you but meanwhile to everyone else it’s not so you just habitually or unconsciously you might say skip over it right meanwhile they don’t really understand and then you’re just like ah you know I don’t know what I’m doing wrong kind of thing let’s go to the curse of knowledge you gotta watch out for me what’s up for the crystal knowledge yes I like that
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