how do you deal with anger and flare tempers in yourself or your team layfon will go ahead and turn that one over to you I got a lot experience with that’s what life’s way more experience than he it I’ve got a lot experience in this one and I talked about being a direct guy being a default aggressive guy and and that’s good there’s a lot of good in that there’s also some bad when you lose your temper when you you know you lose your cool one you know when you get emotional about things and react to stuff you don’t make good decisions and so you know we we always taught our guys that the most important quality they can have as a combat leader is to remain calm and make good decisions under chaos and pressure so that doesn’t happen when you lose your temper so you know when I look back on that the other thing about it too is when you do lose your temper about stuff and it’s I can give you a number scenarios where it happened where if guys had people always think like seals are always focused all the time you know and it’s life and death for you guys out there when we talk about businesses they say they don’t something it’s life and death for you guys you know so it’s not really life and death for my guys but how do I get them to stay focus guess what people lose discipline right people lose this one if there’s not leaders that are holding those standards and pushing hard and I remember one time in particular we were patrolling back to our combat outposts and we’ve been on a long operation it was a foot patrol into a dangerous area and we captured a bunch of prisoners and we had to we had to walk them back on foot because there were so many ided threats in that area I think we finally met up with some Bradley fighting vehicles a smaller tank from the Army that came down we loaded him up in that and and and they they took him back from there but so we’re walking back patrolling back and we’re almost you know we’re still a few hundred yards back away from this combat outpost but we’re in enemy territory and I could see that some of the guys are starting to not be as focused like looking down their weapons and dropping security and those things and and I was infuriated by that I was totally in fury by that and it was because I knew what was at stake that look if if we’re not in this one all the way back until we’re inside that wire of the of the friendly Combat Outpost we could take fire at any moment and if we’re not watching you know at that very second we get shot at people might get killed you know it decreases our probability of winning that firefight of bringing everybody back so so it was a big deal and but I definitely lost my cool and when I came back I was chewing it Hass and like fired up at people and liked it here this is why that’s important and I’m looking back on that out of like that’s that’s not the best way to do that right the best way to do that is to say well I mean force guys to to keep security remind them to keep security certainly while it’s happening but getting back and saying guys here’s why we got to keep security I know we’re only you know a couple of yards from the combat outpost but recognize there are enemy fighters out here and they’re going to hit us when we least expect it just because it hasn’t happened to us before you know even though we’ve done this dozens of times does not mean that it won’t happen to us the next time and we can’t you know this is important think about how you would feel if somebody got killed when you were supposed to be the only security as they were crossing the street and you weren’t paying attention it was interesting to use that example I almost feel that you showing legit anger at that point was a positive thing like you want to make it perfectly clear to everybody and the way you get their attention because it’s not like you lose your temper all the time is by you know getting angry and people go oh you know he’s he’s he doesn’t lose the temper very often here he is super fired up well I don’t think I don’t need to problem it’s not a problem to get angry I got really really angry okay so it’s one of those things where it would have been more effective for me you know to be Stern yeah and and not back down from that in the least and not treat it lightly I’m not saying that at all but I think just dilute it to yell and scream and those things it’s just never the best way to get right you’re right that is true if you if you completely lose in your yell and scream and it’s it’s it’s it’s not a good and even though you’re absolutely right it was important and and I wanted that addressed it was a it just wasn’t the best way to do I said looking back on that now one time in particular – was I can think when you wanted to make some changes to our operation oh yeah that’s right that’s right I can’t remember we talked about that last pot gas or now but we we I was ready to cancel the OP Jocko came in was like what what about this you know maybe yeah did we look at it from this direction why don’t you guys make me patrol in on this round and not go across this bridge where there’s a choke point and they might bury IDs in the road and I was like we’ve been looking this for hours it’s like now he’s changing it to minutes prior like cancel the off and Jocko eat he could have got he could have lost his cool with me cuz I just lost my cool and you know I’ve been I believe in hours at this and I was frustrated I was ready to get get this OP launched and all the paperwork requirements and the levels of approvals that we need and running around trying to you know fix all these things and and he actually just looked them in was the thing we don’t need to cancel the up it’s fine it’s gonna be fine and then and then you actually get asked me some questions like is what does what I’m saying make sense and I want to be like no like yeah it was like yes I totally make sense you like okay how long it’s gonna take to change it you’re like I was like two minutes like well we have eight minutes left so no problem we don’t need to cancel the operation I was like no we don’t yeah in in like you said it’s important to maintain your you’re cool and the way I do that is by being detached talked about it all the time in that situation when you got all fired up at me I was like like okay you know he’s getting fired up and I didn’t think lace get fired up because he’s immature or cuz he’s doesn’t can’t control himself I thought to myself hey you know what he’s been working on this all day he’s he’s got a lot of pressure on him there’s a lot of frustration when you’re doing these plans and doing all this paperwork I understand where he’s coming from let me give him some space let him vent a little bit and then let’s reappropriation a chiral human reactions right then I get mad were yelling even though we have a tremendously close relationship we would have canceled the out yeah it would have been a big deal it or even if even if you end up saying like you know as so many leaders would do like you’re gonna do it this way and then I’ll I’m mad at you and I’m all pissed off at you you you know you came in and trumped me oh yeah by the way what happens when something goes wrong on the operation then I’m like Jack O’Toole and then then you have those frictions but the bet the the best thing that you did in that situation would you actually just smiled and laughed at me like just take it just to make that clear I didn’t laugh at him like he was a little hey you know what he knows me and he knows exactly where I was coming from like hey I know it’s it was the perfect way to de-escalate the situation which which made me de-escalate exactly and made me realize like yeah it makes total sense and then we execute it was no problem jail that’s how you deal with that’s how you deal with so when someone gets mad at you deescalate when you feel yourself getting spun up detached when if you got spun up and lost your cool I’ve said this before on the podcast printers and copy machines they don’t like me and I don’t like them and so are we talking straight-up office space the office space style I don’t like I don’t like printers and get copy machines they don’t ever do what I want them to do and so I get I get angry at them so I lose I lose my mind a little bit but no I don’t I don’t lose my temper very often you know it doesn’t doesn’t do me a lot of good it usually it usually doesn’t help the situation you know doesn’t help you solve the problem and and my mind is always all right how do I get this thing solved they never helped you solve the problem that’s what you’re me know so if you’re like me and you lose your cool you gotta you gotta practice it you got to rehearse that you got to make sure that you’re detaching and not losing your cool so that you can get the job done and win that’s that’s what it’s all about and the Delta platoon commander you know he would go in a little bit of rage from time to time and you know one day the Delta platoon commander is gonna be out of the military and he’s coming right on this podcast he knows it he’s fired up but uh you know he’s my other brother and that’s gonna be a good time but you know he would get some rage going and I’d have to i’d have to back him down a little bit and say bro it’s me the reason to get fired up right now we’re we’re here to win you know and I’m here to help you and you go I know but damn awesome
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