how do you keep your head in the game when one of your squad is killed yeah you know well i think for me you have to treat it like mission men in that order and to me there’s no use you know the milk is on the floor there’s no use crying over it you know eod doesn’t you know defuse a bomb that already went off okay what you got to do is try not to lose any more your men okay now you just got to do the mission with the dead guy and i know that sounds maybe cruel so there ain’t no time to sit there and mourn or do any of that you have to complete your op you have to do your mission right um there’s plenty of time to mourn there’s plenty of time to figure out what went wrong or what didn’t go wrong or whatever happened when you’re back at the ops done and that’s why we train like that when we train and we’re going through a building and they put a guy down you just step over and clear the house because you don’t want to get you know more than one killed you just have to do what you’ve been trained to do and in the leadership position it’s very hard not to you know you can train all your life but when something happens like that it’s very hard not to just go oh my god i’ve got somebody killed you know what happened what happened because i take it very personally because it was one of my guys and i racked my brain for a long time and then i figured out that well you know i just got to do my job and be a leader you know and i can’t let the rest of the guys down i can’t let myself down on my team my country so i got to do what i got to do to get out of there and not get out of there but complete the op and then figure it out then take care of him as best we can and have a lot of respect and that’s about best way i can answer that bro yeah you know i i remember uh after mark got killed and he was obviously he was the first seal killed in iraq he’s the first guy that ever worked for me that got killed and i remember a couple days went by we actually did the memorial ceremony um in like a couple days went by and i was kind of trying to figure out what to say to the platoons specifically what to say to your platoon right and i was sort of uh and i realized what i was doing right what i was doing was the only thing i knew how to do which is work yep and finally i remember i was i wrote that’s right that’s what i wrote down i’m like look mark came into your platoon and and i said hey mark is the best [ __ ] ever yeah he was and my [ __ ] soul is crushed right now and actually remember as i was talking i started getting emotional and i i stopped and i was getting a little choked up and i stopped talking i was just trying to get it together and you were sitting there and you’re like hey man it’s okay yep and i was like check this is what i’m gonna do i’m gonna work yep and this is what we’re gonna do gonna work we’re gonna work you know when that happened i was thinking about that i i never ever once shed one tear and i started getting like concerned like do i have anything my feelings at all and then we came back from that deployment i remember maybe i don’t know six months later or something it may not sound like it may shock you but i used to like cats i used to like cats you know you always seem like a cat guy i like dogs too you know i just me and my girlfriend the time had cats and my cat died and i bawled like a little baby for like three hours that just i think it was just appointing me waiting for her to come out you know i want to be like okay because you’re team guy around that stuff all the time people getting maimed shot killed and blown up and you know and then it kind of festers and then i i think you know it’s kind of deep and stuff but whatever i’m not really that deep of a person and it just came out and i was like you know that’s kind of cool yeah so maybe i was just you know i took the like be hard thing a little too too too much probably but
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