Jocko Podcast 30 with Echo Charles – Losing your Temper w/Your Wife | Mental Shutdown

This is Joo podcast number 30 with Echo Charles and me Joo Willink And what we have this evening is straight Q&A The last podcast that we did on the outstanding book called Platoon Leader a memoir of combat of command in combat It just took me a long time to get through It’s just a good book Yeah And I just kept every I swear you know like every time every page I read I said got people got to hear that and people got to hear that people got to hear that and then the next thing you know you’re 2 and 1/2 hours deep and since so much of it was pertained to leadership there was commentary with each section and it was like oh yeah you know this is what’s going on here and I recognized that and I wish I would have known that and that could have helped me here Nope So uh went a little long and that made us decide to just go ahead and turn that into one podcast And now here we are coming back at you with uh podcast number 30 which is straight Q&A Yeah There wasn’t really one part of that book review that I was like a you could have left that out No in the industry we call that getting after it Indeed So let’s uh let’s dig into some Q&A here Some questions that we’ve been asked You going to kick this one off? Yes sir Ego Charles Yes sir Question number one First question Joo As an aid to camp what were your duties? What did you learn and why does that position still exist in the 21st century military? What’s a decamp? Okay So first of all an aid camp is something in the military that it’s almost I mean to to to put it in a very simple way that people could understand it from it’s an assistant It’s like an executive assistant where for me I was I was the admiral that’s in charge of all the SEALs I was his assistant You know that’s what an aid to camp is Now the question is why does that position still exist or what you know what did you learn? Well I learned a ton No doubt about that Why does the position still exist? I think it’s absolutely necessary It’s a good it’s a it’s not fun It’s not a fun job And I work for a great guy Uh but it’s but if you’re working for somebody that’s not a great guy it’s miserable And even working for a great guy it’s not exactly the dream job It wasn’t for me So here’s what you do the the boss which is what we call this is what we called the admiral We called him the boss right? Um so what we did was what I did was the boss is always traveling and going different places going to the Pentagon going to visit outstations going overseas going just constantly going on travel and visiting people and visiting troops And so I was the guy that set up that travel That’s that’s what I did I set up the travel and then you know communicating with wherever we were going to visit like hey the admiral’s coming in you know what do you want us to do? Is there anything we need to be heads up on? So we take care of all that and set it up and make sure that the travel’s smooth cuz he’s a really busy guy It’s like a CEO you know he’s like the CEO of a big giant powerful worldwide company That’s what he is And so you’re trying to make the most of his time make sure not wasting his time during travel And so that’s what I did So that’s that’s part of it And the other piece that’s cool is you’re you’re kind of like a a trusted advisor or you try and build the trust so that he trusts you And they they usually in our case usually often tried to find guys that had come back from the front lines and used them as the the aid And so I had when I became the aid it was actually my commanding officer He who’s who’s a who’s a friend of mine and who’s a great guy that always took care of me and and he told me he said hey my my final mission as the commanding officer of SEAL team 7 is to make sure that you become the aid to the admiral and you know I wasn’t happy about it cuz again you’re it’s it’s an it’s an administrative job it’s you have to wear a uniform every day which when was this? 2005 Okay And um but it it was it was a good call that the that my commanding officer made me go do it because I did learn a ton You know you you I had been in in the micro world of being in a SEAL platoon for my whole life right? So that’s all I did And so I didn’t know anything else I didn’t understand anything else So when you go all of a sudden you’re you’re dealing with not only do you see the big picture of the SEAL teams but I saw the big picture of the Army and the Special Operations Command and big Navy like the regular Navy We interacted with them a lot So I got to learn a ton I learned a ton about what I learned It’s sort of like seeing behind the curtain You know you get to see behind the curtain the wizard and the what’s going on in the chambers and basically you know like how they make the sausage Have you ever heard that term? You know they say when they make sausage like you’ll eat the sausage it tastes good but you don’t want to see how they make it Yeah So that’s I got to see how they make the sausage I got to see behind the curtain And I learned a ton of that you I got to sit like there was meetings that I would sit in super high level meetings with very powerful people in the meetings and I would just be sitting there listening and seeing how these judgments were being made and assessing the leadership and seeing what type of leaders we had at the highest levels of the Pentagon And so it was pretty it was pretty interesting and I definitely learned a lot Um it it was not fun because like I said there was a ton of travel You’re wearing a uniform all the time which Seals are pretty um well known for not wanting to wear uniforms real uniforms And and they’re I’d probably worn a uniform a very small number of times I’m talking my whole naval career a dress uniform I’d probably worn one 15 times Okay I I I don’t know the number but it’s a tiny number And all of a sudden I’m at the working for the admiral I’m wearing a uniform every single day And there were sometimes we’d go on a trip and I’d have to wear there’s multiple different dress uniforms in the Navy and most of the services We’d go on some where I’d have to bring two or three different dress uniforms So my uniforms were always ready That was that was one thing that not too many people could claim is you get really good at your uniforms Mhm Um but there’s there’s also some things that are pretty restrictive Like for instance you’re actually not allowed to do personal favors for the boss Like I I wasn’t allowed because this idea the mil because they’re very cautious that the military senior people might abuse people in the military Oh yeah Yeah And like I wasn’t allowed for instance I wasn’t allowed to go pick up his laundry Like if he got if he got his uniforms pressed and clean I wasn’t allowed to go and run to the store and pick it up if we were going on a trip or something Like he wasn’t allowed to do it We weren’t allowed to fly first class There was only one time we we flew first class That was a Well we get upgrades after a while because we were traveling so much But um So both you guys couldn’t or just the just the the ad camp? No neither one of us We wouldn’t fly first class Gotcha Yeah It’s it’s the military sort of you know we don’t want they don’t want there to be fraud waste and abuse Yeah Yeah Which is actually ridiculous This guy’s the equivalent of a CEO of a big company and they don’t they wouldn’t get the guy first class tickets to fly from San Diego to Washington DC to go to the Pentagon and brief some senior governmental leadership Yeah Fully That’s a good philosophy though The no waste thing Yeah I know it’s a good philosophy but uh they should have I think he’d earned it at that point 30 something years in the Navy Yeah For that serving his country and just be you know hey you know what this guy should be well rested when he shows up to brief Congress Yeah you know so um that was that And then the reason I think it’s necessary again is because you got you take a guy you know the the admiral they’re they’re not going to usually or often may not have been in recent combat situations And so this aid that’s coming in he’s coming off the battlefield So he can say “Hey sir here’s what’s going on here Hey sir this is what this is like Hey sir this is some gear that we need up on the front lines Hey sir this is what the frontline troopers think about this program that we’re doing or this uh rule that’s being imposed upon us We need to change this or we need to get it fixed So I had a great relationship with with with the boss when I was running that job and and it was very beneficial for me on my next deployment when I deployed Romani and I knew the admiral Mhm I mean it was you know he’s the guy that’s in charge of all SEALs And there I was in Ramani and you know there was times where we talked directly you know uh he’d call me up and say “Hey what’s going on?” Or you know after my guys got killed he he called me up directly And and that that really meant a lot to me And I think it meant a lot to him too cuz he had a connection with the guys that were out there cuz he knew me and and knew you know knew me well So I think that was I think that was very important And I think it’s a it’s a good job I’m not going to say you’re going to like it If there’s troopers out there that are up for that job you’re not going to like it If you’re if you’re a hardcore getting after it kind of guy you’re not going to like the job The people that actually and the scary thing is the people that volunteer and want to have that job are usually the guys the admirals don’t want because that’s a guy that’s like focused on advancing his career and hey if I’m can be an aid then I’ll know the admiral and then and so you’re not going to those are the guys the admirals actually at least the admiral I work for he didn’t want any guys like that He wanted guys that were going to say oh I I want a guy that’s going to come kicking and screaming to this job Yeah Yeah Because he doesn’t want to wear a uniform He wants to be in the field I want to be in the field Yeah So that’s that’s kind of uh the aid to camp So if there’s a trooper out there that’s that’s going to get pushed in that position you know you might have to do it And and when you do it you do the best that you can When when the guy that took over for me he said cuz I was you know I was I’ve always been early to work Well when I was working for the boss I was even earlier because this is you know I’ I’ve felt this this responsibility that you know I got to take care of this guy he’s taking care of all the seals I got to take care of him right? This guy the more the easier I make his job the easier I make his life the more he can focus on taking care of all the guys that are in the field and all the seals And so when I I was get show up even earlier than I would normally show up and I was double and triple and quadruple check everything that was going on And and when the guy came to relieve me and take my place and he said he said you know hey how does the how does the boss react if you drop the ball on something? And I said I don’t know I don’t know I I didn’t drop the ball I mean that’s that was you know a lot of luck involved And I had some some other guys that were with me that really helped me out M u you know one guy in particular is a civilian guy that is a steady works has always worked there and worked there for a long time and he was always covering my tracks and helped me not drop the ball but he I never dropped the ball Yeah it’s kind of a good answer though to that question like cuz you know if you were like oh hey well he doesn’t take it so hard almost like that might plant something in his mind where it may not be as important every single time or something like that It’s important every time You can’t drop the ball on the boss You got to keep it going Is it ever viewed by by people or whatever that that job’s like kind of emasculating or something cuz you’re like like a like an assistant more so than the you know I don’t know I maybe maybe somebody views it that way But you know I I’m a military guy that got tasked with a job to take care of the senior SEAL officer and keep his day moving so he can take care of the troops I don’t I think that’s beneficial I I didn’t I didn’t feel that way And the other thing is you’re not like I said you’re not allowed to do certain things Well you’re not allowed to do personal things for him And even and and and the guy that I work for was very laidback and uh I mean and part of the reason he was laidback was cuz I never dropped the ball for him I wouldn’t want to drop the ball cuz I’m sure he would be angry Yeah Um but yeah it wasn’t wasn’t a bad job Yeah for I would I would think if you understand the value of the job really understand the value of a job um you you probably will never really feel emasculated or anything No But I think you know sometimes some of us can go into jobs and be like you know I’m a I’m a leader I’m not a helper you know kind of kind of attitude Yeah Well it’s interesting too because when you’re working for the admiral then when you speak you kind of kind of you kind of speak for the admiral So in other words when I’d go in to talk to some senior captains and I said “Hey can I get a copy of XYZ?” They knew it wasn’t me that wanted it they knew it was the boss that wanted it So people are snapping too So it was pretty it was interesting from that perspective Even though I was a young lieutenant at the time I’d go in and say “Hey can we get this uh we need this report?” And the guys would be like jumping too like full captains would be jumping too cuz they knew that it wasn’t for me and they respected the boss and they wanted to help him out So it was you do you you get a little bit of added weight because people know especially cuz people kind of knew we had a good relationship and so they knew that if I was asking for something or I needed something or I was suggesting something they knew where it was coming from that he was coming from the big boss man So it’s kind of like like the executive assistant to like Oprah or something Well look no All right there you go We’re not going to talk about the person that you just talked about on this podcast It’s not happening All right Gotcha Error Error I’m just saying you know if you go around and you’re like “Hey I need I would say it would be the equivalent of being the executive assistant to a very powerful CEO that has a lot of that has a lot of stress and decisions to make and has a large global corporation Yeah In their under their command “ Actually that kind of reminds me of the the the whole flying first class thing And I thought about this where there was a big part of me that thought oh yeah a lot of guys they’ll just fly first class just cuz that’s like a saddest thing and like oh yeah I’m this high so I get to you kind of live in this luxury But flying first class eliminates a lot of stress and a lot of um like decision- making and headaches You know we’re contending with certain things Yeah So when you arrive you have way less on your mind So and that that that’s a lot You ever had you ever had to do something or convey some important message but you have a lot on your mind? Some other stuff it’s it makes it way harder Yeah Then I just prioritize and execute Right Forward I know But every it it has its function is what I’m saying It does It does And there was the time that the literally the one time we were authorized and executed a first class travel was when we flew to Europe and the when we arrived at 6:00 in the morning the boss or 7:00 in the morning the boss was talking to the troops a half an hour later and then the whole day was scheduled out talking to the local senior leadership so he needed to be rested when he showed up there Yeah Now me on the other hand if I remember correctly I was in the cheap seats but you don’t really need that much rest Young lieutenant can just suck it up cuz it is pretty pathetic We’re sitting here talking about first class Do we You know what? Let’s just talk about Bob Hoffman You know what I mean? World War I trench warfare Yeah he I don’t think he was too worried about flying first class He had a lot of decisions to make Yeah So yeah So let’s just suck it up Suck it up All right Next question Joo do you have a suggestion for martial art for a wheelchair user? I’m considering FMA which is Filipino martial arts or Krav Maga? I want exercise and self-defense Well again this is as usual my first suggestion for true selfdefense to protect yourself from the world and the evils of the world Concealed carry you know get a weapon learn how to shoot a weapon spend time at the range train with it Is a Shooting a weapon is a martial art Carrying a weapon is a martial art Knowing how to use that weapon in various situations it is a martial art So shooting is a martial art And so that’s the most effective martial art to know and to have the possession of is concealed carry carry weapons So again I’m not saying that just because this individual’s in a wheelchair because I mean obviously being in a wheelchair does put you at a disadvantage but it doesn’t matter wheelchair or not there’s always going to be somebody that’s bigger and better than you And if there’s not somebody that’s bigger and better than you then there’s three or four people combined together that make a person that’s better than you That’s called a gang And I will tell you right now any three people in the world can beat anyone in the world in a fight Like threeon-one you’re going to lose Now can you get a guy that knocks them somebody out turns around knock I mean it does happen but if the people that are attacking know anything you have a really bad chance really bad chance of winning It’s very tough to win a fight threeon-one So train with firearms get a gun and you know also and you mentioned the the Filipino martial arts and and I I sometimes fail to mention this uh to carry a knife but yeah you should absolutely have a knife You should know how to use it So that is your Filipino martial arts generally learning to use a knife and carry a knife And then what do I what am I going to do after that? I’m going to do the same thing I always talk about jiu-jitsu boxing wrestling and Muay Thai Kind of in that order Now jiu-jitsu boxing wrestling Muay Thai We start with jiu-jitsu we move on to boxing we learn wrestling and we learn Muay Thai Sometimes Muay Thai and wrestling you can flip back and forth which one you want to focus on But but the the deal is with all three of those you have to adapt them to the situation that you’re in whatever that situation is Now if you’re in a wheelchair I don’t know what this is going to look like for you I don’t know what that looks like You got to learn it You’ve got to understand it You’ve got to And then you got to make things work You got to figure it out You got to test it You got to see what’s effective And you got to see what isn’t effective And you have to adapt You have to adapt And I’ve trained with all kinds of different people that have their own obstacles to overcome Mhm Um I’ve trained with guys that have amputees missing one leg two legs missing arms I’ve trained with people that are blind I’ve trained with people that are paralyzed I’ve trained with people with traumatic brain injuries And they all work and try and figure way And they do figure ways to adapt I mean you got guys like uh Kyle Maynard Do you know who that is? Yes I do Yeah He’s got no arms and no legs And he trains jiu-jitsu and he wrestled and he wrestled in high school Like he competed and he he’s competed in jiu-jitsu He’s actually competed in MMA as well which is which is crazy Uh but you know what? He adapts to the situation that he’s in Um man there’s um Anthony Robels He’s a NC day NCAA 125 lb champion Champion And by the way he has one leg I mean one leg His other leg is gone like from the hip down One leg And he won the NCAA championship That’s incredible Mhm Um and he just adapt I mean you got Jean Jacqu Mashado He’s got one hand Jeffrey Al Mhm Jeffrey Al he’s trains with us He’s got one hand His other hand’s gone He was born with no hand Oh guess what? Now all all you jiu-jitsu players out there that you think about when you’re doing jiu-jitsu with the ghee and think of how much you grab when you’re training with Jeff you don’t even know that he doesn’t have a hand You just don’t even know He just does other stuff He’s adapted to it As a matter of fact he uses that stump to choke you and attack you He gets in there Yeah He he he sneaks that thing in there Um what about Max? Max a million Yeah you know Max right? Max like he’s he’s paralyzed But and that’s recent too So you know it’s you know he got paralyzed what three years five four years ago 5 years ago something like that Yeah he was like maybe a white belt maybe a blue belt He’s a blue belt I think he’s purple now Yeah I think he’s a purple now But I mean he’s got basically I think it’s about sternum down He’s completely paralyzed Sternum down Yeah Yeah And he So he’s figured out he actually has to move his legs you know like when he’s when you’re rolling with him he’s got to grab his legs and move them into different positions Yep Which is uh which is crazy But he’s still training He’s advancing in his and he’s learning to adapt He He knows how to choke you He He’s figured things out Yep So whether you’re short or tall big or small old or young strong or weak wheelchair no wheelchair leg no leg learn it Learn it all and start with jiu-jitsu learn some boxing some Muay Thai then wrestling And then once you get that base built up start looking at Krav Magas start looking at Kie so you can learn you know if you want to learn weapons And obviously from the beginning um the the firearm trumps everything Yeah Yeah Especially when when you’re training with um like any kind of disadvantage or whatever I think it’s important to understand what your potential goal will be in a self-defense situation So if you’re you know like if you don’t have legs like Max for example like you can learn a lot of stuff that is just defensive And if you know jiu-jitsu and I’m going to sound like a jiu-jitsu advocate which I am but if you learn jiu-jitsu you’ll learn how to be defensive how you can shut down another guy’s attacks And so like I said like if your advant like your disadvantage is pretty big just understand what your goals will be in a potential self-defense situation you know? So you’re not going to be like “Okay I’m going to learn these martial arts so I can kick as much ass as I possibly can ” Yeah That’s the point The point of this is that you have to adapt Yep You have to adapt You have to say “Okay this is what I’m able to do and this is I can’t do that move but I can do this move ” Right And by the way you can’t do this but I can do that Yes And you know like like we were just talking about Jeffrey Al Jeffrey is the guy I train with most regularly out of the out of these folks and he has adapted and does things that you that that is totally unique to him and he makes an advant he takes a disadvantage turns it into an advantage Yeah there’s an MMA guy who who was the champ in one of these shows I I forget It might have been Bellator maybe I don’t know I forget Um but he was uh he had one hand too and he was the champ though I think one know who that is I forget his name too but it was a while It was like maybe a year ago or something or more a while ago A year MMA has been around for 20 plus years in America You know the current champ has always seemed so new you know Yeah that’s uh that’s awesome That’s that is definitely uh outstanding to see people overcome that and and what you can do You just got to have that that that creative mind to get in there and adapt to the situation Yeah Uh and it goes along with kind of what um I think it was I forget who but um how they say you know a little exercise is better than no exercise you know So sometimes like if you if you find yourself in a wheelchair or something like this where they’ll be like “Oh yeah that’s not for me but this obviously is for him you know So get out there and like how you say like learn something or learn it all whatever ” That’s better than not knowing nothing Y way better too Yeah it is Especially if it’s jiu-jitsu Good Get after it That’s it Next question Jaco Mr Joo whenever I get mentally overwhelmed I shut down completely How do I counter that? Well the first thing and the first good step that you’ve already made is you’ve identified this is an issue You recognize the fact that you shut down That’s step number one in solving your problem is identifying your problem So excellent work there The next step is actually pretty easy as well You’ve identified the fact that you shut down The next step that you’re going to do is not shut down Not mentally shut down That’s what you want to do If you start to shut down and you feel yourself freezing up say “I’m not going to shut down right now I’m going to attack this issue ” Now the reason that you’re getting overwhelmed most likely is because there’s a lot of different things flying at you at the same time and they’re all happening at once and it’s problematic for you We have a very simple solution for that It’s prioritize and execute So what is the biggest problem that you’ve got going on? Let’s identify what that biggest problem is Then let’s attack that problem and get it solved Once we got that one solved we can move on to the next one Once we get take care of that one we can move on to the next one We go right on down the line That’s that’s what we do That’s very simple You know that you’re going to get overwhelmed First of all tell yourself you’re not going to get overwhelmed Then you actually don’t get overwhelmed And how do you not get overwhelmed? you prioritize and execute If you start feeling yourself getting overwhelmed do what I did to the platoon commander that I had that was getting all freaked out during during um Humvey IAD drills immediate action drills where you’re patrolling through the desert and we have little electrical targets that pop up and then you everyone starts shooting at the targets and this guy was locking up and not making any decisions even though he’s the leader M And this is the one where I took a magic marker and I wrote on with a Sharpie right in front of his face on the Humvey window I said “Next time the shooting starts here’s what I want you want you to do Number one relax Number two look around Number three make a call It’s real easy So step number one when you’re getting overwhelmed relax Relax Breathe Take a step back Just take a step back the red flags start going off in your head and you’re realizing that you’re getting overwhelmed and you’re going to get shut down No just take a step back relax and then prioritize and execute Pretty simple Make a call Yeah it’s good Simple Next question Let’s do it What technique do you use to not lose your temper with your wife? Oh when you know she’s wrong and refuses to budge Well this is kind of a this question is actually moot because my wife is never wrong So so number one losing your temper Losing your temper is weak It’s actually weak It’s actually weak to lose your temper It actually is a loss of control when you lose your temper and losing control is also weak So we don’t we don’t want to lose our temper That’s that’s one of our goals So again just like prioritize and execute what do you do when you start feeling yourself losing your temper? Stop Take a step back Detach from it Breathe And then you got to think about the long-term victory And we’ve talked about this before We’ve talked about this before Proving that you’re right to your wife is not necessarily the best goal to have What you want to do is you want to you want to win the war Not that one battle The one battle doesn’t even matter I mean what is this stupid argument about anyways? It’s not about something that matters It isn’t I can almost guarantee it’s not about something that matters It’s about some random thing that doesn’t matter in the big picture at all So why are you getting upset about it? Why are you losing control? Why are you losing your temp? You can’t do that You can’t do that So when you feel like you’re coming up against the this is Sun Soo you know you’re going against a heavily defended position Don’t attack the heavily defended position If your wife is not admitting that she’s wrong she’s refusing to budge What have you what are you doing when you’re attacking her? You’re actually attacking a heavily defended position Sun Sue told you not to do that 2500 years ago and it holds true to this day So what are you going to do when they’re when they’re not budging? You’re going to flank them You’re going to flank them You’re going to move around to the outside and come in from another angle that they weren’t expecting You know maybe that other angle looks like flowers Maybe the other angle looks like dinner Maybe it looks like Maybe it just looks like changing the subject to something that they can be more flexible mentally on Mhm Because if you if you go against that hardened position I can almost guarantee you it’s not going to they’re not going to budge on it And and all you what you’re going to do to try and get them to budge is you’re going to escalate yourself Oh you’re not budging I’m going to hit it harder Oh you’re still not budging I’m gonna go even harder You’re still not budging I’m going go even harder They’re that whole time every time you’re going harder they’re digging the defenses in deeper deeper deeper You and they’re remembering how how mean you were or whatever Especially if you’re in a in a lost temper situation Oh yeah Now you’re Now you’re taking serious detriment to your long-term war Yeah Because you’ve now you’ve given them ammunition You’ve given them ammunition for future use Bad move It’s a bad move Uh so again what isn’t what the who’s right and who’s wrong is just not important It’s so hard to get through people’s head Who’s right and who’s wrong on some little tactical babble battle of today that really has no bearing on anything in the world This is not something to be concerned about Yep So it might be your own ego that wants to be right Have we thought about that factor? Have we thought about that? You as a man as a husband you want to be right too So guess who the person that isn’t budge? Guess who the person that isn’t budging is? It’s you It’s you Now you might be quote unquote right but it doesn’t matter You’re the person that won’t budge Now neither one of you will budge Neither one of you will budge We’re not in a good situation We’re just in an escalating war of destruction And we don’t want that because we want to win the long-term strategic war That’s what we’re looking at Just the long-term strategic war the little stuff in between we’re just not concerned about Yeah Yeah Fully And and the whole not budging thing too like that that hurts And I used to think about this early on in my relationship where I would get we’d get in like you know little arguments or whatever um varying levels And sometimes she would like Well can can you even come up with an example of something you’d argue about? Cuz as I was trying to think as I was sitting here as I was answering this question I was trying to think of a good I can’t even think of a good example because they’re all so stupid Yeah So yeah a good example No Yeah it’s hard Not really Um but so she would be like “Oh I just don’t want to talk about it anymore ” But meanwhile I’m still salty like “Hey we didn’t resolve this ” You know there’s certain code words that like a safe word that girls that women that guys have it too but in particular I’ve noticed it with some of my friends wives and um one of my wives she’ll say “Doesn’t it doesn’t matter “ What do you mean buzz word? Like a code word like a safe word? It’s a it’s a red flag So I’ll give an example It’ll just be a it’ll be a giant red flag that she’s that she’s angry She doesn’t nothing I say is going to matter anymore She’s not going to change her mind and she’s just going to go forward and she’ll be like “Oh it doesn’t matter ” I’m like “Oh okay Oh warning ” Yeah Yeah Yeah Big H is angry That’s what it means So when I hear her say it doesn’t matter I just realize okay I’m now I just hit it in a a heavily defended position and I’m going to stop attacking it Mhm I’m going to flank I’m going to talk about something else I’m coming in from the side hatch That’s what I’m going to do Yeah Yeah man I wish I would have known that long time ago I think that when Wait what did you just say that your wife said to you? Cuz you just said a code word I mean a I don’t want to talk about it I don’t want There you go That’s another one I don’t want to talk about this That’s That’s a red flag Well in my mind it was like “Yay let’s talk about it ” I I try would try to do it in a conducive way like you know like a problem solving kind of way but she she just didn’t feel the same way about the whole situation You know she handles it different and you know ultimately I still feel like if two people are willing to talk it out kind of without too much emotion I think that’s that’s an effective way to do it But nonetheless what this would cause is and this is going back to um people not budging So what that would cause is all this time that would go on that we’re not on good terms you know because I want to talk about she doesn’t want to talk about it She just wants to I don’t know go to bed you know Meanwhile I’m with the philosophy of don’t go to bed in an argument or whatever you know But meanwhile we’re at odds even just a little bit Even if we don’t talk about it she forgets about it I’m still at odds I’m not budging with my philosophy you know So at the end of the day when you look back at all the minutes all the hours all the days um that you spent with each other and now you have that that that sum of of moments that you’re at odds You look at your relationship you’re like man this relationship isn’t that good because you spent that much time at odds with each other Yeah Just because you didn’t want to budge You didn’t budge Yes So you got to budge You got to budge One of my buddies I was hanging around with him and his wife and uh her her little buzzword where I was like “Oh I picked up on it pretty quickly ” She would say “That’s fine ” And I was like and at first you know first couple times I was like “Oh it’s fine with her ” And then I realized that does not mean that’s fine I think Yeah man I think that’s kind of a a common knowledge one though with girls Like you can make that up Doesn’t matter That’s fine That’s fine Whatever Whatever is offensive though Oh yeah And what they know if they say whatever then that that means that’s fighting words Cuz if you’ll notice that’s fine and it doesn’t matter right? They are all they are all uh like sort of passive a way of saying like “Oh let’s just move on ” Yeah I don’t want to talk about it That one’s a borderline Yeah Or it’s like or it’s like one of the I don’t know I don’t know if there’s a word So what’s good is when you’re when you detach from these situations you start to pick up on these things that your significant other and also there’s when you’re in a relationship you’re in a team building environment or you’re in a business you start to realize that guys or people you work with will have the same thing Yep Well they’ll say you know what it’s your call Okay I I know it’s my call but I’m not trying to impose this plan on you Let’s let’s figure out No it’s your call Well go ahead Yeah So that means you clearly don’t agree with it Of course you can’t say this to them cuz they’re already dug in on the fact that you’re you know that you’re wrong Yep So those are the little red flags you got to look out for in the world Yeah So and even back and that’s fine And even that that’s a complex thing because you know when someone says fine you know or what’s wrong? What’s wrong? Nothing Right? Even though you know or you have reason to believe that it’s not fine especially the find or that’s fine you have good reason to believe that it’s not fine right? So in your mind it’s logical to think hey you shouldn’t say you’re fine when you’re not fine You actively chose to say you’re fine when you’re not fine factually So it’s easy to come to that logical conclusion but there’s there’s your problem right? Yeah I know It’s just it’s not that simple It’s not that black and white So and I’m saying this because I kind of up until really recently I thought that hey look I’m not really wrong with this thing I asked you this very specific question If you’re saying you’re fine it’s it’s like it doesn’t even matter what you say I have to read like your your mind or your your body language and like everything you know and disregard your words And only under these circumstances not when you when I say “Hey do you need I don’t know milk from the store you say no I know you mean ” Yeah You know it doesn’t work like that It’s only under this circumstance So it’s like I’m thinking “Hey man that’s kind of that’s not very good That’s that’s a bad thing and habit to get in So if you’re not fine you should say you’re not fine ” That’s my logic is what I’m saying But here’s the thing When you’re in a relationship with someone and it start I understand starts at the beginning where you’re trying to figure all this stuff out That’s what the beginning of the relationship for But after a while you start to know okay I know that tone I know when you say finance What what the thing that’s jacked up is when people don’t realize that what that that’s a code word that means something else Right Right And what it’s signifying is you are coming up against a heavily defended area I’m not changing my mind but I’m not going to sit here and argue about it So you know what? Doesn’t matter is what my wife would say Yeah Oh it doesn’t matter bro mans when when Sarah would say “I don’t want to argue I don’t want to argue about this It’s it’s fine Let’s not talk about it ” That would enrage me f further Not like I’m not a lose temper kind of whatever but um it would frustrate you It would make me like no we have to go to it’s like you know if you have like [ __ ] like a like a splinter like if you have a splinter in your in your hand or something not talking about it is like I just leave it let the skin grow over it and you’re you’ll be fine And the thing is you probably will be fine but you still got that splinter in there Me I’m like “Okay let’s talk about it Let’s open it up and get the splinter out ” But she’s like “No you know I can’t always recommend ripping that splinter out ” Yeah And I know cuz sometimes the again you’re going up against a a hardened defensive area And that’s what we’re talking about here That’s what the question is The question is how do you not lose your temper with your wife when you know she’s wrong and she refused to budge? You know how you you know how you don’t do it? You know how you maintain your temper? You realize that you’re in a you’re in a strategic situation where you’re just going to win strategically You’re going to outsmart You’re going to outmaneuver You’re going to outmanipulate I’m sorry You’re going to manipulate this situation That’s what you’re going to do And you’re going to make her think you know what man? I was kind of a jerk last night to my wonderful husband Yeah Yeah That’s what we want to happen Yeah You got to do it in this genuine way you know like you come off real genuine and open and and warm No one wants to attack you when you’re in that state you know? So that’s what you do Meet my wife No bro I’m telling you Maybe if you switch all of a sudden and she’s like “It is the trick ” But if you’re like if you put it on Yes You’re just disarming them right? Yes Exactly You disarm them But man it’s hard to do when you lose your temper I I answered a question the other day I was at an event and I answered a question I was like listen do not take marriage advice from me cuz the question will it’s a long story but the question was about you know how do you do your job when you have all this pressure and how do you maintain your family? And I kind of went through the story of like hey you know my family came second Mhm And that’s really hard for people to understand And I went through the whole thing and I was I got to the end and I said listen don’t take marriage advice from me And everyone kind of laughed but uh but in a situation like this actually take marriage advice from me right? Yeah Don’t attack defended positions I’ve said that 47 times right now Yeah And it’s not to say that you’ve never attacked defended position I don’t know if you ever have with your wife but I’m just saying that sounds like good objective advice regardless I I don’t I probably haven’t done that in so long It’s like it’s like when we got asked on the podcast when was the We got asked this on the podcast when is the last time that you were dug in on a on a position and how did you admit that you were wrong? And I was like man I haven’t been dug in on a position in years I don’t even remember Yeah So it’s the same thing here Why do I attack my wife in a defended position? something that she’s super crazy and passionate about I’m not going near that thing Yeah Yeah The losing your temper thing too man I I learned and I I mentioned this before where I’d learned about just getting mad in general from this book called Mind Games It was teeny tiny little book One chapter was not even one page That could be your first review on the podcast You can be the reviewer We can do mind games Some of them were like puzzles you know to see how your mind works Anyway so but it what it did was indicate that was there Plinko involved? No that’s Price is right Anyway what it indicated was that losing your temper or having anger issues anger management issues was is it well it was a result of low self-esteem Oh yeah So you’re like I don’t have those Exactly Right And that’s how I always felt when we you know in like elementary school intermediate school when you they talk about self-esteem or whatever and low self-esteem high self-esteem I’d be like man that’s so embarrassing to have low self-esteem It was like almost like a pride thing you know where I would even if I really felt like doing something or whatever I if it indicated overtly that I had a low self-esteem if I did I wouldn’t do it It was like really Do you think that paranoia was caused by a low self-esteem in a way? Yeah you’re probably good So it’s like the you know that’s the old switcheroo there But so now I took that like times two where it said look everyone gets angry It’s a natural part of life but if you have anger management issues it is most likely from a low self-esteem So I took that as if I ever get angry that’s low self-esteem So man that would be on my mind every single time where anytime I felt myself getting mad I’d be like “Nope I don’t have low self-esteem “ So what that did though is trained me never to lose my temper even if I felt like back bro I think I was always laid back but but anyway it’s I think that’s kind of the thing to check though you know where Yeah you’re losing your temper all the time It’s like man what’s what’s up with you losing your temper? Don’t lose your temper That’s Yeah for sure Hey you know that splinter analogy I gave Oh man bro I’m telling you Okay so this one time and it wasn’t me it was Jake He had a splinter We were young He had a splinter in his hand We were like young young like like five Mhm I know this cuz we’re living in the specific house that I remember Anyway you need to tell us about the house Anyway he had a splinter and it was deep So my mom’s like “Hey we got to get it out We got to you know use a like a tweezers or something ” He’s like “No no no ” And he put up this fullon what do you call it? Like a pardon defense We’re not getting that splinter out cuz he’s crying He’s scared You know all this stuff So what my mom did was “All right you know let’s don’t take out the splinter ” What he did what she did was wait for him to go to sleep She knew you just take out the splinter It may or may not hurt for like a second but it’s out Who cares? Wait waited for him to go sleep Like a little nap She goes in there gently and just takes it out Boom Problem solved Splitter out So basically Mama Charles flanked him She flanked him Totally flanked him man Good job Mom Props to Props to Mama Charles Next question Yes please Good lord How do you balance loyalty to your workmates and a personal sense of honor with self-interest when it comes to a career progression? So this question is is has has is giving the impression that that being loyal to your bros and being loyal to your workmates and and having pride Mhm is the opposite of of career pro progression which is actually I understand where that is coming from but it’s actually does not have to be true That does not have to be the way you think The the way you get around this is number one you work hard That’s what you do You work hard and you do a good job Not for promotion not for self-interest but to help the team accomplish the goal That’s what you should be working hard for That’s what you should be doing a good job for And if you’re and this is something I’ve said a bunch of times over the years I don’t know if I’ve ever said it on the podcast before but I used to tell my guys because we’d be we’d be in some long-term administrative psychological warfare in our community in in the in the SEAL teams or in our organization And I’d say look if we’re doing the right thing for the right reason we’re going to win in the end And and I totally believe that to be true Now for instance I never really cared about rank or being promoted Now that being said I actually did put in an officer package so that I could become an officer Now why did I do that? I didn’t do that out of greed or out of hunger for power I did it because I had worked for a prior enlisted officer and he made our lives really good cuz he was a really good leader And I said “You know what? I’d like to make a bunch of the guys that I know make 16 guys in a seal platoon make their lives better Maybe I can do that So that that’s sort of what led me to do it I didn’t do it out of out of self-interest and greed I did it to help my bros right now Then once I got promoted and once I became an officer then I just busted my ass to do the best job I could And again I was never concerned with being promoted But in order to do a good job guess what I did? I built relationships I took some hard jobs I followed the rules I supported the chain of command I towed the party line Why did I do those things? Wasn’t cuz I was trying to get promoted It’s cuz I was trying to do a good job And the more relationships I had and the more respect I had from the chain of command the more power I had to help my guys It wasn’t about power for me It was about power for the good of the platoon so I could accomplish it And and I knew that I believed in the broad mission that we were doing I knew that good order and discipline actually makes troops perform better I knew that And I knew that by following the rules by supporting the chain of command I knew that towing the party I knew that those things would build trust in the chain of command And I knew that building trust in the chain of command and being viewed positively from up the chain of command meant that I would get more support from the chain of command which once again would make it easier for my guys to do their job because I could get them more gear I could get them the assets that they needed I could actually legitimately protest if something came down the pipe that I didn’t agree with If I didn’t have trust and bu had build a relationship with my senior uh officers how could I go back to them and say “Hey I don’t think we should be doing this They don’t know me They don’t trust me ” But when you build that trust then you can have a more open and honest conversations which again is only done so that my platoon can have an easier life so that they can do their job better because I believed in the mission So everything that I was doing that I was doing to make my platoon have a better go at things make my platoon more efficient make my platoon more effective on the battlefield all those things that I was doing I was doing to make that and lo and behold when you’re doing those things when you’re busting your ass when you’re trying to make life good for your platoon with so that your platoon can more effectively and efficiently accomplish its mission on the battlefield Well guess what? Those are aligned with a guy that’s working hard and is supporting the chain of command So I would get ranked number one Why? Not because I was trying to get promoted not for self-interest It’s because I was trying to do a good job for my boys Mhm So the bottom line is if you care about doing a good job and the the and you’re doing things that will help you do a good job Again not for promotion and not for recognition but to truly do a good job the end result is most likely going to be positive Now the caveat to this is does that mean that you’ll be the first person to get promoted? No Does it mean that you are guaranteed to get promoted? No Some other guy that Brown knows and took all the credit he didn’t deserve and stepped on a people’s backs to get to the top he’s probably going to get promoted ahead of you He probably is It’s okay It’s okay I will tell you that that will come back to haunt him eventually Maybe not this year maybe not next year maybe in five years People are going to see through that eventually And you who’s doing the right things for the right reasons you will win in the end Yeah And we talk about this a lot where if you’re doing it just to get the promotion bro that’s They’re going to see that man They’re going to smell it on you Yeah And not only is the boss going to everyone’s going to smell it on you I I talked about that earlier tonight cuz if you were going to if you volunt like if you volunteered to be the admiral’s aid Yeah Yeah Yeah Then then that was a total red flag Watch out for this guy Yeah I see what you’re doing Yeah You don’t want to be that guy You want to be doing the right things for the right reasons Yeah And that is that is how even in the long run you will get the recognition and the promotions and the credit that you deserve because why wouldn’t you? Yeah You’re busting your ass to do a great job Y you’re going to get you’re going to shine eventually Yeah man And if you’re focused on doing the best job you can do that’s the be that’s really the the dynamics of promotions anyway Did it or should be ideally and over time it will be because there is somebody that Brown knows is the boss Yeah That maneuvers to take these little missions or to do things to get the recognition that he’s there’s there’s a guy that’s doing that Yeah And they can get promoted and you got to accept that and not succumb to it not submit to it because you don’t want to be that guy in the long run The guy that busts his ass that takes cares of his troops that towes the party line that does the right things for the right reasons is gonna win in the end Yeah You got to believe in that Yeah man You know how guys do that in jiu-jitsu right? Sometimes we talk about that too Where they have they have the wrong mindset They just want that purple belt or that brown belt or whatever Yeah They want the next belt Um or I want to tap that guy or I want to tap this guy Yeah Those are the wrong reasons Yeah Folks Yeah And if you notice the guys who who are just in it to be the best that they can be you see them asking questions or going over some stuff you know on their own kind of thing where they do they just want to learn as much as they can and get good at as much as they can And in the long run those are going to be the the guys that shine Yeah And man I and I think man I think this that’s it’s such a huge deal And it goes for jiu-jitsu or even at at work or whatever If man if you’re the guy who they can see what you’re doing and you’re kissing ass or or like the guy okay this is one of the most embarrassing things you can do in my opinion in jiu-jitsu is after a promotion you didn’t get promoted and then you’re overtly unhappy about it And don’t go one step further and say something about “Oh I tap that guy all the time and he got his belt “ Ooh don’t ever do it Don’t do it bro Telling you don’t do it Yeah that doesn’t that doesn’t bode well I don’t think you could ever really live that down It’s just unnecessary It just shows hey guys look at me I’m focused on the wrong thing I’m focused on like wearing a belt rather than my skill you know? I’d rather get a belt and maybe not have the skill I’d rather that than have the skill and maybe not have the belt right now That’s what you’re saying Oh yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah The reality is any good jiu-jitsu guy would rather have the skill and not have the belt right now By the way not have the belt right now So if you have the skill you’ll get the belt You know that’s just part of the the system And you know what? It could be a long time Yeah And you know what? That’s okay Oh unless you quit then you won’t have the you won’t have the belt But that’s But you got to also accept the fact that some guys can get promoted ahead of you Yeah Good Good Good thing you good You tapped them before Good Good That’s perfect Keep that up Yeah we’re going to get you that belt Yeah stop whining I heard of a guy who left the gym Yeah our gym Because he didn’t get a belt and he was like I’m just going to go somewhere else Oh that’s too bad I just heard it was a story I wasn’t there enough Anyway next question Unless we have more on that one No we’re good Good Dead horse has been beaten Yeah don’t be that guy man Just kidding Jaco on team building when leading a team do you feel that there is any benefit to team building exercises or retreats? Well this is a interesting question that actually I feel I’m fairly qualified to answer because we we leif and I we have a little business called Echelon Front where that’s uh we work with a lot of different companies on a different a wide range of different categories Sometimes we go in and work with a business Sometimes we go and we do a keynote speech for a business Like they’ll be having a big meeting and we’ll go in and do one keynote speech for an hour and we leave and we’re done But most of the time we’re doing more long range stuff where we spend time with the company We go in But often times we do do some kind of situation where the company has decided to do some kind of a leadership offsite or a team building exercise or a leadership retreat And we we mostly get involved with the leadership although that does sometimes trickle down to where we’re we’ll do some work with all the frontline troops Um so we constantly see these these leadership off sites and we speak and or lead them Sometimes we run the whole thing and there are definitely some outstanding events and we’ve been participated in and led some outstanding events with with companies And I think one of the most important things about these off sites is it it forces the leadership team to detach from the day-to-day firefights of what the business is No matter what the there’s no businesses where the CEO and the seauite are like sitting around not doing anything those those companies don’t exist at least that I’ve seen those you know you’re trying to expand you’re trying to grow you’ve got comp competitors making moves so you’re you’re in the fight and then you’ve got operational things that are happening so you’re in the fight so when you do these leadership offsites there it’s good that you get them to focus on some other development and some whatever issues they’re having and areas where they can improve so there it gives them the opportunity to focus on those things It also gives them the opportunity to selfassess as a team how they’re doing and themselves as leaders how they’re doing and and when I talk to people about leadership and teamwork and the shortfalls and the pitfalls that exist and and then when I when they hear me talk about it they recognize their own weaknesses I every time I get done they go “Man when you were talking about you know when you were talking about ego sometimes I think I let my ego get in the way ” Or when you were talking about cover and move man I don’t think I Or when you’re talking about ownership they they see areas of their own weaknesses and they see where they can improve And then when you get the whole team that’s all learning that same information they’re all doing that same self assessment And then the whole leadership team gets aligned behind the same leadership principles of ownership and humility and cover and move and simple decentralized command and all those things that I talk about that is extremely powerful It is extremely powerful and we see really drastic turnarounds with the companies that we work with and it’s awesome It’s awesome to see And then one one thing that we do when we work more in depth with a company we do our own leadership off sites where we do simulated combat And I know it sounds I it sounds if if I wouldn’t have done it so many times I would be surprised that it’s it’s possible But we take either paint guns paintball guns or airsoft guns and we teach them the basic shooting principles and we teach them some basic small unit tactics And then we go and perform mission We have them perform missions And every time they got eight guys they got 10 guys they got 12 guys girls whatever in their group And they go and assault the target M they come up with a plan They go out We put one person in charge and that person has to lead a mission And they what they theorized in the classroom they now get to put to the test And they learn those lessons very very clearly You know we we’d see a guy that would be a really strong leader and he would say “Okay I’m the I’m in charge of this run Here’s what I’m going to do Here’s the way the plan’s going to go down You’re going to do this You’re going to do this you’re going to do this You see that micromanagement start and then as soon as they start the operation everyone is expecting to get micromanaged So no one’s thinking on their own So now you get a decentralized a lack of decentralized command and everything goes sideways and nobody does anything cuz they’re all being waiting to be told what to do So so that’s an example of the kind of things that people learn Um so with all that yes absolutely We you know I’ve been to and we run some some pretty awesome team building exercises and retreats and leadership off sites that are that are great and we’ve seen awesome results from them all I’ve also sat through some offsites that are that are not that effective Um you know you get situations where people don’t open up or there’s no exchange or you get these team building exercises that that some people set up and there’s some kind of physical or mental challenge And while they might be hard and they might take some teamwork to perform they don’t break the paradigm that the company is in So they’ll end up leading through that challenge or whatever it is whether it’s a some kind of a PT some kind of physical training or some kind of a boat race or something like that They’ll lead through that challenge the way they always lead the way they currently lead So nothing is learned and nothing is gained and no leadership advancement has been made and all they’ve done is actually all they’ve actually done is reinforce the bad leadership situation that they already have M so that’s that’s one of the things that I’ve seen that can be problematic and uh that’s why we’ve gone in the direction that we go where we really focus on let’s do let’s look at leadership and the team working together how what the leadership dynamics are what our weaknesses are what we see where we uncover the friction where we see the team not working well together where we see the leaders not stepping up and leading where we see the leaders egos get in in the way I mean there’s so many things that we uncover and find It’s It’s phenomenal And it and it really does make it fun for us Yeah You know because every time you see a new leadership team you It’s It’s like diagnosing a patient and you you look at the problems that they’re having they say “Oh well you know what? Try this over here Take this off a little bit “ And then next thing you know you’ve got that patient up and running and they’re winning We’re like a mechanic He grabs the car right? thoughts you know uh yeah some of those leadership or not leadership necessarily but these these team building retreats too Sometimes it seems like whoever organized them really wasn’t focusing on results They were just focusing on our annual uh you know retreat so they make it in like the Bahamas and all these um you know these activities are like kind of fun you know then every once in a while they have an administrative thing or something Yeah And fun can be part of it you know there’s there’s bonding that happens There’s getting to know each other and that’s always positive Um but the if you’re I’m all about having fun I’m all about bonding but I’m even more about learning I’m even more about improving the guy the people we work with the the guys and and girls that we work with I want them to be better leaders That’s what I want Yeah that’s what I’m saying And so yeah sure Do I want them to get some team challenges? Yes But like I said I don’t want them to just reinforce the paradigm that they’re already in the leadership paradigm that they’re already in I want them to improve So let’s actually break down and look and and analyze and diagnose what the issues are and then let’s solve them And you know it’s not it’s not always it’s not always that these teams go in and they’re you know we don’t get hired by companies that are failing In fact most of the time we get hired by companies that are doing well that want to do better So when I say we diagn diagnose what the problem is it’s not it’s not a problem where it’s causing the company to failure but it’s a friction point where it is holding the company back from really reaching the best best next level and going from being a really good company or even an outstanding company to the bestin-class company Gotcha So it’s like a it’s like a multivitamin not a painkiller Yes There you go That’s not mine I learned I read that somewhere You know the micromanaging thing Yes And that’s it’s funny because you’re the first person that I’ve heard say that this where where you said they’ll start micromanaging and then all of a sudden the people getting micromanaged expect to get micromanaged so they stop thinking Right 100% So yeah and that happens all and it goes the other way too If you come to me and you say “Hey Jo how do you want me to do this?” And I go “Figure it out ” And you say “Hey boss can you show me how to do this?” I say “Figure it out ” When we get in the field you’re you’re going to know that I expect you to figure it out Right Yeah man Like when I when I drive with my wife she’ll start micromanaging like how I drive like get in this lane or or um you know just you’re going too slow or too f too fast whatever Too slow typically Cold blooded But here’s the thing I’m not going to lose my temper you know I don’t think Yeah Front seat in her case But yeah man for sure And I’m not going to lose my temper I be like okay But that’s what I do I shut down my brain And then so one time Jade was writing with us and he was uh No it was actually I was micromanaging Jade And he put it in these good terms which I thought were good He said “Either be the navigator 100% ” Cuz he stopped thinking you know or don’t be it at all You can’t just start chiming in when you think I’m going too slow You know otherwise yeah I don’t want them I’m If Sarah’s yelling at me hey you’re going too slow I’m going to be like okay how fast do you want me to go? I’ll go that fast So if you’re navigating on the map you’re going to have to tell me every turn to make Don’t say hey you’re going to make this right and then I make the right then you just sign off you know cuz you’re you’re anticipating the micromanager Exactly Right man And I think it kind of goes automatically you know you got to put in a lot of mental As if you knew that Sarah never said anything to you when you got in the car All me You’d know that you had to have the route prepped before you got in the vehicle Well we might go a little bit too slow but still man It’s all me as far as thinking goes Mhm Yeah man Don’t micromanage Or when you micromanage don’t expect them to just all of a sudden start making you know creative decisions It’s just it’s hard It’s hard for it to work that way man All right next question This is the last one Joo could you tell us any possible regrets or things you’d done differently? Something you’d wished you’d learned sooner Regrets Things I could have done differently Things I wish I learned sooner Of course there are things I wish I learned sooner There’s there’s so much knowledge out there so much information so many ways to get better And we make we make so many mistakes We’re the we’re the product of our mistakes And often times the lesson is sitting there right in front of our face It’s there to be learned but we miss it or we don’t pay attention to it or we think we know better until it punches us in the face And the most important thing to learn is that we have so much to learn We all do and we can learn from school and from people and from experience and we learn from life But you have to process the information You have to absorb it You have to accept it You have to open your mind You got to free your mind so that you can learn and make real progress And as far as regrets and things I wish I would have done differently of course hindsight hindsight is 2020 And looking back of course who wouldn’t want to take another go at something and improve on the first try by doing it again? And then why not do it again and again and again? And why not just do it over and over again until you have it perfect? But the fact is you don’t get that chance You get one shot One shot at this gig right here Life One life That’s all you’ve got and regret in and of itself it’s worthless It does nothing for you In fact the only valuable thing in regret is the lesson you learned the knowledge that you gained But walking around filled with regret gets you nothing So learn and move on Don’t let regret beat you down Don’t be a slave to regret No Let it teach you Let it make you better Let the fear of regret fuel you to take action today now to take action now to become a better person Not filled with regret but filled with knowledge Filled with knowledge and strength and power and filled with life And I think that’s all I’ve got for tonight No regrets only knowledge And that’s what we are striving for on this podcast to gain knowledge so we can improve ourselves and live better lives Ekko can you just go ahead and drop some knowledge on us right now about how we can support this podcast? Chibboha and or improve your life have a better life One way is to supplement your workouts and your brain with Onit supplements Alphabrain Shroom Tech is a good one Warrior bars krill oil krill oil for your joints right? Yeah it’s a big one onit com/joo you get 10% off Boom Improve your budget as well Um and if you want to support the podcast uh before shopping on Amazon com before you do that shopping um go to jooopodcast com or joostore com Click on the Amazon link That’s pretty cool Yes you’re buying it anyways I know you love Amazon cuz I love Amazon cuz it is a squared away system It is that delivers things to your home in hours or days And all you got to do if you want to help us out is you just got to go there Go there Just go to our site first Click on it and then boom They’re not taking more money from you They’re taking their money and giving it They’re taking their money and giving it to support the Jaco podcast which is pretty impressive So that’s much appreciated Yeah So if you’re buying some duct tape or something the key the challenge is remembering to go right to jo com But man why you always say duct tape? Do you get a lot of duct tape from Amazon? No I I’ve gotten Yeah you always say if you need duct tape man go to Amazon Well I said it once and it kind of stuck Duct tape it Anyway no I used to watch Mgyver Actually I still watch Mgyver all the time That was his thing man Duct tape Yeah Don’t go anywhere without it In the in the in the military we call it rigers tape Yeah And some people call it 120 mph tape but I never called it that one time Yeah But we called it riggers tape Yeah Yeah I got some black rigers tape Nonetheless um if you’re getting some or anything on Amazon com just try if you can just remember to go to jooodcast com first Click on the Amazon link and boom automatic supporting podcasts And we thank you for that I thank you for that Joo thanks for that And um while you’re at Joo store if you like any of the shirts go ahead grab one or a coffee mug or a sticker That’s a good way to support This shirt that you’re wearing tonight is a little bit new isn’t it? It’s a little new Yes the newest one That’s how it looks right here If you’re watching on YouTube there you go For if you’re not watching on YouTube the front of the shirt it’s a black on black shirt and in black on the front it says know the darkness Yep Actually ironically if you’re watching on YouTube you might not even be able to see know the darkness And let’s say and I mentioned this before this when we made this one there’s that added layer where it’s dark The shirt is for you It’s not to show everyone oh look at me Look at my cool shirt The shirt is for you You know it’s there And on the back it’s got some madness Some darkness It’s got some darkness Dark dark picture Yeah man Yep So but that but you see you do the shirts right? I mean so this must What did that like you we’ve talked about a lot of stuff Why Why did you Why did you go with the darkness? Why did you Why was that important to you? Because that was the main theme Remember like when you when you started or Well I remember Yeah Well okay when Joo started the main theme and still is the main theme where he goes into all these dark books and and concepts and then every time like even Tim Kennedy when we asked him oh or one of the questions was like hey how do you you know reconcile you know being happy or anything like when you’ve seen so much darkness and it actually intensifies your happiness because you can recognize the good stuff So know the darkness so you can see the light That’s kind of the the the phrase there right? So you can appreciate good things way more when you know bad things And that goes for everything really So you didn’t make a shirt that said be happy the light is with us because you could have made that I guess technically kind of inconsistent though with the whole feel I think and the bottom line is if you’re surrounded by all the happiness it starts to fade right? Yeah man Yeah Exactly right So let’s not make a happy shirt Let’s make a dark shirt Yeah Maybe we can make a happy shirt in the future But I’m saying for right now that’s what that’s what you were feeling That’s what I was feeling Yeah I thought it was appropriate I thought it was good I think it came out good man I dig it There you go Or if you like any of the other ones discipline equals freedom That was a cool one too I think Yeah Or the one with your head on it Anyway that you can see them whatever I still haven’t I still haven’t seen a live uh a live one in the wild Like I haven’t seen travel I travel all the time I haven’t seen it a trooper yet just just representing I’m so looking forward to it I never I I never have taken a selfie but I think I might do a selfie if I if I if I see a person in the wild trooper out there just representing hardcore in an airport somewhere coming straight up We’re going to do some burpees and then be in a way Yeah you kind Yeah I’ve seen them here Yeah in San Diego but those are our people We know everybody Yeah but I’ve seen one where I didn’t know you know like I didn’t know that you know that um like this guy You didn’t know that person? No I knew him I know him but I didn’t know like he got a shirt and stuff I want to be in Indianapolis or I want to be in Philadelphia and be walking down the street and see some guy just representing hardcore right there in the street That’ll be awesome Well I can attest that with the online stuff I’ve seen the people representing they are representing hardcore Yeah Uh anything else? No that’s it If you if you like it just grab one if you want Right on Well as always if you want to continue this conversation with us all these questions we answered tonight they’re from you guys They’re from the troopers They’re from you all So thank you for doing that We are on the interwebs on Twitter Echo Charles is echo Charles and I am Joo Willilink We’re also on the Facebook and Instagram if you care That’s where we are and we’re trying to get better and you can join us there as we seek knowledge together and get after it So until next time this is Echo and Joo out