I have a question about the warrior mentality I recently was dumped on a deployment and it’s difficult now that I am home stateside how does a warrior handle this is it like any other emotional loss I’m trying to use this loss and get after it and improve myself mentally and physically I’m not sure how to properly submit questions to the podcast all right so the Dear John letter the old classic Dear John letter and so you know agree sometimes you can keep it at bay when you’re deployed but then when you get home and you get back to the places the familiar places where you have the met specific memories that’s that’s where the pain start to come in and that’s fine you know that’s that hurts that’s we get that but in my opinion I’ve said this before the person that you built in your mind the person that you had a relationship with that you built in your mind that person doesn’t actually exist they’re not real they’re not real she wasn’t who she appeared to be and she isn’t who she appeared to be she isn’t the sweet understanding fun person that you cared so much about that’s not her that’s your memory that’s what you built in your head she is actually the selfish self-centered person that cares about herself first and doesn’t care about you that’s the reality and that’s fine but a lot of times the pain that we feel isn’t based on the reality it’s based on the fantasy so you’re feeling pain of losing something that wasn’t real so let the fantasy go remember that she is not the perfect person that you built in your mind period she’s not otherwise we wouldn’t be in this situation right now and then move on brother get after it work out train hard go to jujitsu hike run of play guitar just get after it and those things not only gonna distract from the pain which is good they’re gonna improve you as a human being which is good and they’re to rebuild your confidence which is good they’re gonna make you feel good they’re gonna make you stronger and smarter and better and put you into a place where you don’t need that little made-up fantasy anymore and they’re gonna put you in a place we’re gonna find something badder than the fantasy now I’m gonna tell you right now the fantasies don’t exist the perfect girl or guy for you doesn’t exist they don’t exist so you’re gonna be out looking for someone that’s good but you’re not gonna find perfect don’t get obsessed with finding perfect if you find someone that’s perfect it’s not true everyone’s got their flaws so that’s what you have to do and you will end up finding someone that’s real and I get it man I know you’re gonna have some moments down in the hole as Alison chains put it or trapped in the heart-shaped box as Nirvana put it or so lonesome you could cry as Hank Williams senior put it is that you notice a theme here this is what people go through but those feelings of they’re temporary so let them say hi let them hang around for a minute or for half an hour or an hour or whatever and then kick them out kick those feelings out get them out of there and go do something else take your mind away from those memories of fantasies and put build some good memories that are real then yeah you know what you can use your anger and your frustration to fuel positivity for sure I spent much of my youth doing that very thing for sure all those breakups yeah I turned those things into in the fuel and the other thing I’m gonna use if if you take action with your body your minds gonna follow and pretty soon you’ll be on to the next chapter and you can move beyond this bad fantasy chapter that you kind of got roped into girls man I can teach you every time if you let him it’s so hard to I’m with there’s so many times you know because when I was a assistant platoon commander platoon commander at asking the commander what I was doing right but more in the earlier phases right because once I was you know what to ask you to commander I was dealing with a lot less those those problems that would come to me on a relationship level would be something big you know divorce custody of children yeah some kind of domestic violence scenario like real things but when I was younger and I was in a seal platoon that’s when you’re dealing with guys going through the breakup with the girl and that you know the method messing with my head yeah it’s messing with my head man yeah of course every guy goes through that me you ever that’s the way it is you get that weird thing kicking around in there and you start getting crazy and what’s so funny is what’s so funny is when you’re on the outside of it it’s so like when you’re in the heart-shaped box yourself and you just can’t see anything else it’s just devastating and everyone that’s looking at you is like bro let’s just go to the bargain night you meet 17 new girls tonight yeah but I fight back no it’s not I remember I kind of had a this is kind of evil but I had a kind of a standard response to guys when they’d say you know hey you know I broke up with Jennifer last night I made sweet man let’s let’s roll I would always and I even carried that honestly this is like not something I don’t think I do anymore but even when guys who would be like came in me and Jennifer getting divorced I back oh right on bro that’s let’s rock and roll you know I kind of and part of it was just to kind of spin it like guys man it’s not that you need to you know you don’t just wallow in it right you’re getting divorced okay here’s what you needed to do here’s how you maneuver but you know what are you gonna do you’re gonna get dragged down by that into that mire or you’re gonna you know salvage what you can of your life and let’s move on let’s rock and roll yeah so that’s again it might be a little harsh I don’t know that I would still have that react maybe with maybe fall still in the Jews you know and most and 99 I had one guy that that that in I probably said that too we have a high divorce rate in the single team so yeah ii 85 90 percent divorce rate so I’ve said this to quite a few individuals over there I only had one that ever kind of you know was was like no man you don’t get it and then I said no I said you get it mmm you don’t get it yeah and it always is a little rougher when there’s kids involved and all that so that would put another little horrible spin on it but the bottom line is that is a good attitude to have hey broke up with my girl right on I’m glad I got out of this relationship before it developed into something where I did have hooks in me financial hooks children yeah all those things I made it out scot-free you know I’m getting divorced oh you have any kids no okay rock and roll yeah you got kids okay well how’s it gonna go you know what are you put in line yeah you know so yeah definitely hard here’s the question have you ever gotten your heart broken a negative you haven’t straight-up even of course I I was I was a boy boys get their heart broken win-win tell me you know 10 11 I’m 21 ish time cuz you know when you’re 10 it’s like okay 15 14 17 13 I mean I think once I was obscene once I was in the SEAL Teams that kind of had that coping mechanism yeah yeah gotta be hard yeah and the girls are like mmm yeah you know you gotta you gotta just kind of but the other young that’s you know the younger days for sure every guy goes through that and that’s what that’s what’s hard and you know what I’m saying guys specifically but the girls are the same way both guys and girls go through these two horrible breakups when you and and and this is the other thing that we got to realize as parents when you’re 16 years old we you know I look at my 15 16 17 year old daughters right as they were growing up and and I think oh they got a boyfriend whatever he’ll be this guy is meaningless in their lives i factually know that these guys are meaningless in terms of the broad spectrum of their life yeah but guess what when you’re 15 years old and you got a boyfriend that is your whole life yeah and so when something goes sideways I had to say oh I had to remember that myself when I saw my daughter’s distraught over something I’d say okay here’s what’s going on this is her whole life and I tried to explain to him this guy I understand that you like him and then he was good and blah blah blah but you know let’s remember you’re only 15 and there you know you’re gonna meet another nice guy and other there’ll be other opportunities and blah blah blah but the of course it barely barely gets through to their head yeah belief they can’t even imagine and no certain is different I know because he’s the best no and so yeah yeah you’re you’re on that question restriction from now on no bail I wanted her to know I think we all wanted to know
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