Jaakko I want to hear your thoughts on / detachment I’m a police officer and I’m sure military personnel experience the same / detachment defined as emotional separation from moments which require emotional response in family and profession so what do you thoughts on / detachment no this is definitely obviously I’m always encouraging people to be able to detach right because that’s how you get your emotions out of a situation but this happens to what my brother right here is talking about this police officer saying hey sometimes you know we think about being over detached and it’s something you need to watch out for because you don’t want to go through your life where you have no more emotions because then you’re not living a life then you’re a robot or a machine and and you don’t you need to have emotions so what as I thought about this I thought how did I watch out for that and it’s something that creeps in on anybody that does anything we connect you didn’t have to be a cop or a or a military person I mean you could do if your any job that you have where you have we can’t just get all emotional about stuff if you’re in finance if you’re anything you could just become detached so how do you do what do you look out for well one thing that I did and still do is compartmentalize and draw a little segregation between work and home mm-hmm and there’s a really easy way to do that especially for people that are cops or it doesn’t matter what you do mm-hmm whatever that uniform is that you wear at work whether you’re a cop whether you’re military or whether you were in a business suit at work when you get home take off that uniform take it off matter of fact if you can’t take it off before you get home you know leave it at the office yeah because you want to leave that there and when you get home put on the home clothes right the t-shirt the comfortable t-shirt the flip-flops the the the shorts be be relaxed at home but be physically in a different unit at home not even a uniform and a different change your change your appearance and therefore change your state of mind a little bit different music right whatever it is that you’re listening to at work mm-hmm go to something different at home yeah you know when you’re going into work listen to the first hour of jaakko podcast when you’re coming home you listen to the second hour right that’s how we do it you know you wanna have a different attitude different language right don’t come home throwing around the in acronyms from work yeah and you know I’ve talked about this before I never swore at home I swore like hell at work but I never swore him so I was using a different language home I was completely compartmentalizing what I was doing at work and what I was doing at home and then check out your posture what are you standing around your house like or you stand and don’t cross armed and glaring at people mm-hmm let’s just ask the question are you in a modified Weaver stance when you’re talking to your wife get ready to do a quick drop lives like that it’s like a pistol shooting stance but that’s no no you know are you are you digging for underhooks if your kids driving are you looking to get the takedown no you want to relax right and another thing is find some you know what’s maybe maybe group of people that aren’t involved in your work that could be hard I mean and and luckily for me my wife made friends that were outside of the shield community mm-hmm and so I got a bunch of buddies that were had nothing to do with the SEAL Teams they had their friends of their friends my wife yeah friends and husbands of my wife’s friends so I had a whole group of people that I still hang out with all the time they have nothing to do with the military at all in fact many of them are about as far as you could get from military personnel as one could imagine and but that’s another thing that helped me segregate the two now of course I’m not saying you got to let your guard down a hundred percent because you shouldn’t do that but you should let it down enough that you can enjoy life and you got it attached sometimes now that being said because it’s kind of hate it is gonna help you make good decisions but there are also times where it’s not good and if you’re detaching your wife’s trying to talk to you it’s not gonna be good you know so open up you got to show some emotions and one of the things about being detached here’s appears of paradox you got to be detached enough so that you recognize when you’re not showing enough emotion you know if you’re so detached that you being detached should allow you to realize that oh my god I’m not showing any emotions at all I’m too detached yeah so don’t try and be a tough guy that’s just being detached because if you detach enough you’ll realize that you’re being too detached yeah yeah and there is too deep well obviously like if you’re you know you’re in a debate argument fight whatever with your girlfriend wife mmm right and you’re detached let’s say you know you’re right let’s say you aren’t right mm-hmm that has nothing to do with anything when you’re arguing generally speaking though in my experience yeah well I would agree with that in my experience but here’s the thing though because we’re you don’t have a certain way I just want to make the same in again when you’re an argument with like your wife or your close friend or your boss your subordinate whether you’re right or not is almost doesn’t matter at all yeah what matters is what you’re trying to do with direction you’re trying to move mm-hmm and is winning the argument being right or wrong gonna help you move in the direction when I move and that’s the real question yeah so detach for a minute and figure out the answer that question yes because I never care if I’m right or wrong that’s not never my goal well in an argument with something I said never okay I usually don’t care the most but for the most part yeah yeah and I think a lot of times a lot of times people do care whether right or wrong oh my god they do they care don’t go psycho all right being right or wrong yeah improved beyond you know like a reasonable doubt all questions denied I’m a hundred percent right you’re yeah and so even when people are wrong they’ll still want to just win the argument right so that’s that’s that’s bad what can be even worse is when you are right yet the other person is let’s say your wife is emotional cuz man this is a known thing that the girls generally speaking they they want to know that you care more so than they want you to fix their problem like if someone has if your wife is having a problem at work or something right they just want you to care that that’s going on with them they don’t want like all this tricky advice you know that generally speaking I’m not gonna categories there it’s not black and white but generally speaking so let’s say you’re in a debate or something you know I say you’re an argument you’re in a fight and you know you’re right and let’s say you are right if you’re all detached and being like well here’s the logic behind why I’m right and you have this airtight case that’s not gonna help your relationship she wants to know first off that you care she’s mad she said she’s whatever do you care about that that’s the way you win not the argument that’s why you win the situation yes you know and so not only are you not only do you get out of the fight intact as a relationship but you’re the good guy and really that’s part of the reason why she likes you because you’re the good guy right that’s a window injury so yeah that that’s just some time question why my wife likes me all good yeah yeah no that’s that’s that’s it but yeah so detach so you see that but be attached because you care yes yes and show that you care and then when you go back to work your comp you’re a military person you’re a business person put your uniform back on put your boots back on put your body on the back on lock and load and get back in the detachment zone you know and move forward now at the question kind of implies this too and I will point this out I mean yeah at work you also can’t just be detached all the time because you’re you’re a leader you’re a leadership position so you can’t just walk around just detach from anybody no you got to show emotion you got to relate to the people you’re working with you’ve got to be a human so that they follow you or you follow them order the case be so the detachment you have to be detached enough to recognize when you’re being too detached yeah yeah
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