when when this is happening when this is getting like when when when he leaves in the morning and you you start thinking like where is he is there any part of your brain that’s thinking he could kill himself no well i take that back i did ask chad’s dad i was trying to get into the safe um so i guess i guess there was a part of me that did but this he this was a little farther on in the morning so when i first couldn’t find him i just couldn’t find him but then after a while i think it might have been his dad that said have you checked the safe and so it took me a minute to try to remember the combo and i got in there and to my knowledge all the guns were there but apparently they weren’t i guess the reason i’m asking you that is because i don’t know various conversations in my i’ve had in my life with various people at various times and the conversation is something like you know you know that little exploration of hey i’m worried about him and then there’ll be some kind of an explanation like what do you mean well i’m just worried like he might kill himself and then the conversation is he would never do that right so that idea of we think we know we think we know what someone’s going through we think we know what’s going on in their heads and i think that we don’t know we don’t always know and you know like um he disappears you know like what that’s what i was just thinking like what was that in your head of like hey you know what he’s you know he probably is going to see his parents or he’s you know going to go freaking surfing or whatever he’s going to do but this crazy idea that he might go kill himself it seems so unbelievable you know um for someone that’s like hey he’s been through whatever 10 deployments he’s done all this he’s done this he’s done that we got kids we got a house we got all these things going on all these good things going on in our lives that’s not a that’s not gonna happen and it seems like oftentimes people are caught off guard by it people are caught off guard and i know you mentioned a couple of friends where there was real signs of you know hey not things aren’t going good for the individual but uh but a lot of times i hear it’s like you know there’s been some suicides in the seal community where there was no indication at all at all of any kind and and it seems like we’re conditioned to sort of not even think that it’s a feasible thing i guilt i you know i i was just as bad as as the military makes the guys out to be because as i said in his funeral to me chad was unbreakable i mean to me he had done all these really amazing things in his life he he’s you know he everything he did he did well everything he did and seal you know great ridiculous high gpa when he’s going to night school and he has a wife and a baby and really good in sniper school and went and got his project manager license certification all that in the business world and whatever fill in the blank climbing mountains qualifying for the crossfit games like insert whatever he just was so unbreakable to me and and i guess that’s part of my what i want people to recognize with your person is that they are their navy seals but at the end of the day you’re just dudes you know your dudes and humans and with a heart and a conscience and dads and husbands and brothers and sons and not unbreakable
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