how to deal with people who use military vet status to excuse bad behavior in civilian world yeah this is an unfortunate one to have to answer and unfortunately I have to start it off with the same way I made this point about jiu-jitsu and jiu-jitsu practitioners not necessarily being good people oh yeah unfortunately the same thing with veterans just like it’s the same thing in every aspect of life just because someone is a veteran does not mean that they are a good person and being at war is certainly not an excuse for bad behavior and I’m a couple examples couple examples just to think about major major kurt chew-een lee mm-hmm you remember this guy Navy Cross this is the guy that wore the pink vest at at Incheon so his men could identify him the enemy had gotta identify him clearly too but he was the leader he saw hell right wounded men died 27 of his men made it I mean just ridiculous guess what he did when he when he got out of the Marine Corps Oh went to work for an insurance company for 20 years right so Joe Owen Joe Owen who you know same same Chosin Reservoir battle never regain the use of the of his arm that was wounded was medically retired from the Marine Corps guess what he did with all that angst and horror guess what he did yeah he created and ran his own marketing business until I retired now remember John Chafee from that book the coldest war he was the captain that I kind of wanted the reason I did that book was because he was profiled in there and he just was a great leader well I I don’t even know if I don’t remember if I talked about this but he turned 20 years old at the bottle of Guadalcanal right World War two he fought at Okinawa World War two then he went to went back went to school when I went to either Yale or Harvard but then Korea kicked off something with Korea and got after it more so all of this war what did he do with all that and came home you know became the mayor of Providence there in Rhode Island became the governor of Rhode Island and they became Secretary of the Navy but so my point in saying these things is veterans are not broken humans they’re not deranged people they’re just people and they’ve seen some stuff and most of them are carry on and you also the Greatest Generation think of the J grades generation all the World War two vets they saw horrors of war guess what they did came home and dominated that’s what they did so men and women can overcome the impact of war or at least they can learn to work with it cuz even if you know it’s even if you have those things that stress you out okay but guys learn how to deal with it of course that being said war it does leave a mark and obviously sometimes it can have a extremely negative effect so if you know someone like that well let’s get those veterans some help if they need it and and get them some support also make sure you’re not enabling this bad behavior this what you don’t want to do you don’t want it you don’t want to enable this bad behavior the vets that I meet they’re they’re they’re fired up they’re not they’re not complaining about anything they’re getting after it don’t enable the bad behavior it doesn’t help anyone and it’s one of those things that it it might make you feel better might make me feel better to help someone out and say you know I understand cuz you know here’s let me enable your Benet behavior some more and it might make me feel better because I feel like I’ve done a good deed but you haven’t done a good deed yeah you’ve actually not helped them at all that’s one thing I think that’s good if you find other vets for them to talk to mmm because other vets will say men I understand bro it’s okay but let’s not dwell on that past stuff let’s move forward this guy’s offering you a job or this guy has a job for you to do or this guy as a position you can fill do that do that don’t dwell in the past the past is gone Wars hell I know now let’s live in the heaven we got here in the United States of America let’s let’s take advantage of that and not dwell in the past you know this is this is another small thing but I just hear so much about it from people if you got somebody haven’t listened to podcast to this podcast I hear from a vet every single day I hear from vets around America that are like amen thanks thanks for having the podcast thanks what you talk about I get it appreciate it a guy just you guy just you know sent me a message today he’s like look man I didn’t have a gun in my mouth regos I wasn’t doing good I’m on track I’m training jiu-jitsu I’m training jiu-jitsu I’m in the gym I’m busting my ass at my job appreciate it that’s all it is that’s all it is because I think when people listen when vets list on the podcast they go okay cool there’s other people they know where we’re in the game together they feel that they feel that connection and they know that they’re not alone that’s the thing that’s jacked up man veterans that get they go to war and they come back and they go somewhere they were just know there’s no one there yeah and all this is is a big bullshit session you know what I mean between you know a veteran that’s in a book and I’m having a bullshit vet a session with with JoEllen you know that’s what it is and so I think guys veterans they hear that they go yeah man I’m pre she ate so have them listen to podcast and and that might be helpful to get them feeling like they’re not alone out there yeah I would think that that’s the main thing like people don’t like you don’t understand me you know you don’t understand like well I mean not to sound too soft but like you don’t understand how I feel about run like this even day-to-day stuff like you the way I’m seeing this right now you don’t understand yeah so you do yeah you end up feeling oh I’m assuming is what it seems like guys end up feeling alone they’re out there and they’re like in the other thing is they feel like people don’t understand me yeah I’m here saying you’re right they don’t yeah they haven’t been to war and the experience of war is all over the place I mean I wouldn’t I wouldn’t even I would shine you know I would shine major Curt Chu in these boots every day for the rest of my life if I had the opportunity to like that guys experienced I’m not gonna I’m not even the same ballpark you know what I mean not even the same clothes not clothes for what those guys went through it that shows reservoir and it goes all the way down to some guy that you know was overseas those in the military didn’t even deploy to Iraq or Afghanistan not their fault they might have wanted to but sometimes he just doesn’t happen yeah so the the military experiences all those things and you don’t know what you’re dealing with but one thing we do know is that it is a common experience you know going to war it does have some common threads to it and I think that it is hard for people that haven’t experienced it to understand and it makes people feel a little bit like alone out there so when they hear other vets talking about what goes on they go yeah man all right cool these are not abnormal feelings that I’m having right and they can move on and I don’t know if I’ve really answered the question of how to deal with people who use their status as an excuse to bad behavior I think just like any anyone else man you gotta you gotta do your best to put them in their place and I think what makes non veterans feel intimidated and when I was a kid I looked up to all the Vietnam veterans yeah and I just thought these guys whatever they they could do no wrong in my eyes you know when I was a kid it’s not that guy it’s awesome that guy wasn’t that I wasn’t Nam you know that guy could do no wrong and I think that’s a feeling that a lot of civilians have like they don’t want to approach the subject and if you feel that way it’s understandable it’s hard but find some vets around that can help you that can there can help that person that can talk to him about what they’re doing I mean you know every company that I work with those veterans and every company I work with it’s um you know usually a multiple veterans so find some other vendors a lot of the one thing that’s another cool thing that companies do is within their company they’ll have like a veteran program or a veteran club basically inside their company and that’s another cool thing do that get that thing started you know even if you’re not a vet find the senior vet or the vet that’s fired enough to do it bring him in and then those guys can get together talk and talk about doing better and talk about bringing some of their military experience to bear in the company and it just won’t turn out good so there’s little veterans organizations that’s what they call them veterans organizations inside a companies are pretty cool and I’ve spoken to a few of them it’s a pretty cool deal
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