how does one put the high of war behind him and his e in and are you always searching for it still in other things uh if i transition to civilian life kind of ish a little i just don’t like it i mean it’s it’s terrible like there’s no action i mean there’s no you know going and who didn’t like going to work on a monday morning yeah it was the best i mean and you know and and by the way you went to work on sunday you went to work on saturday yeah just every every oh like some of the guys the team will oh yeah it’s a weekend no we’ll be at the team we’re gonna be working out they’re gonna be working on our gear then we’re gonna go up some beer then we’re gonna go out then we’re gonna wake up the next morning and do the same thing on sunday and then we’re gonna come in on monday that’s what it is yeah because who cares about what else are you gonna do yeah what else you gonna do like oh you go with your friends go with your friends all my friends are in the team so so it gives you nothing so oh that’s it go back to whatever failed relationship i had yeah so uh that can definitely be a little tricky am i searching for in other things probably you know uh i don’t know i don’t that’s such a hard question to put in perspective i mean i live in new hampshire now and i work 40 hours a week i do all right but i don’t there’s no you know the magic in my life is like gone i mean that was that was the magic the glue that held me together as the teams you know and you know i got some good families back there you know that that helped me out like friends of mine friends of my family and like the murphys you know the daniels the downs’s i mean there’s just it’s a if you know if i don’t get to people back home’s name i’m sorry but uh you know i got really good friends that that try to help me kind of but they just have no idea like you know there’s one old team guy from back there that’s like from the 70s you know and i talked to him it’s like roger you know then there’s a sergeant major retired 30 meters back there but it’s a small town and it’s like i drink a lot and you know i work a lot too so i’m kind of functioning that way but there’s no i don’t know well i guess i’m still looking for something but it’s just the high war is just like i don’t know it’s i think you could say it’s the [ __ ] best it’s like the best thing ever you know and once you get done with a big fire fight you’re like yeah you want to go back and like can we do that again and again and again it was so much fun i mean even i mean it sucks it’s hard but it’s it’s it’s great i mean we just because if you think about like they say heroes right to me the real heroes are then guys standing a post out there with minimal training that don’t want to be there and still do their job and fine american soldiers sailors marines you know airmen whatever for us that’s our profession like you know that’s like we didn’t even want to go home it’s like our blood and our guts it’s in our dna that’s where we want to be so i mean how do you you don’t just you do all that stuff for all those years there’s gonna be side effects you know there’s gonna be i don’t care i’m you know i’m not gonna go i don’t go see a counselor or nothing because because i think i’m strong enough that you know i can handle it but it’s not easy you know you know it’s like when people when people always come up and they say you know thank you for serving they always say that and you know i say hey it was an honor to serve course but what i really want to say and sometimes if it’s a deeper conversation i’m like don’t thank me i feel guilty because it was not so fun and like you guys paid me to do this like what did you do when you’re a little kid i ran around the woods and played military stuff and put camouflage put old black cork on my face and played with guns and beat shot bb guns and that’s what i did all the time as a kid and then i i grew up and i turned 18 and then they started paying me money to do the same thing i know and then they said oh there’s a bunch of bad guys you go kill them oh okay that will give you more money and then yeah so so people say thank you and it sort of it definitely makes you feel like damn man i got so lucky the day i enlisted in the military i got so lucky because it was like you know it was like a the square peg found the square hole basically right and that’s what a lot of team guys are like and that’s why when all of a sudden this score they go okay you can’t use that that square hole anymore they pull you out and there’s a triangle there yeah yeah it’s so true and they the service to me i went in when i was eight i enlisted when i was 17 when i was 18 got out when i was what 45 44 or whatever and it never lied to me they always paid me and they’ll pay me for the rest of my life and everything they said was true do this they go oh the military’s a bunch of [ __ ] yeah there’s little things but overall you know i didn’t have to like figure out figure out like a woman and you know i was all wishy-washy about [ __ ] and stuff and you know and oh that’s just part of whatever being a man and stuff but they never lied to me it was always just really really good and civilian life’s not like that i mean i deal with people and for the most part everybody out there is a good person i believe but i get mad because of the misuse of the military now i mean it’s so misused it’s crazy grab 200 000 badass army soldiers and marines go over to where isis is and smoke these sons of [ __ ] what are we waiting for i i don’t get it because but on the flip coin people are like we gotta pay the deficit because we don’t want our children to pay it yeah but do you want him to fight the war let’s we got the muscle right now i know we’re waiting for this is a crock of [ __ ] hopefully that’ll change yeah hopefully it will change
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