Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEJX6WzET6Q
with Joe Rogan as my partner we sold out in 12 hours zero to 60 million how step one it was [ __ ] wild Aubry Marcus the man who built and sold on it with Joe Rogan one of the fastest growing Human Performance companies in America her mother was a professional tennis player my father was a Pioneer and that was the driving desire it's like my parents were big I know I can be big and I was frustrated because nothing was happening there were so many failures and I really thought like I'm just never gonna succeed but I think the key moment for me was what Joe Rogan said I can meet you 30 minutes for coffee I was starting a supplement company I went to Joe what supplement would you like the most I'm gonna make the best one that's ever been made that was the pivotal moment that changed everything Alpha Brain I really felt like I didn't want to do anything without it we sold out of that product in 12 hours we could barely keep it in stock from zero to 60 million we were I think 500 fastest growing company over the next four years I mean I couldn't have designed a fantasy better but it comes with a cost right in that moment I realized like I'm not gonna fly into a fit of rage and hurt somebody you can see how much it still affects me what happened before this episode starts I have a small favor to ask from you two months ago 74 of people that watch this channel didn't subscribe we're now down to 69 my goal is 50 so if you've ever liked any of the videos we've posted if you like this channel can you do me a quick favor and hit the Subscribe button it helps this channel more than you know and the bigger the channel gets as you've seen the bigger the guests get thank you and enjoy this episode [Music] Aubry when I read through your story and a lot of people's story what I tend to see is a series of almost dominoes that have fallen to make the person who they are today that sign in front of me can you take me to the first Domino that you think was significant um in your life that fell to make the man that I see sat in front of me today that I've spent the last couple of days
learning and researching about I mean the first Domino is my mother giving birth to me of course right like it starts from the drop it starts and we can't ignore all of the things that happen at Birth that have nothing to do with us and I was super blessed my mother was a professional tennis player went to the semi-finals of Wimbledon lost to Billie Jean King like legit professional tennis player my father was a Commodities Trader and he was a Pioneer in his field so he was actually kind of stretching what the market and what the world understood about Futures Trading he's written up in a book called Market Wizards they split up really early and so I got two more parents my stepmother was a naturopathic doctor who worked with a lot of the NBA basketball teams and the Lakers in the 80s the Knicks in the 90s the heat in the 2000s but from the naturopathic side not within the team aspect of it and then my stepfather was a SWAT team squad officer just big badass Burly man and from all of those sources I got models of greatness I got models of really testing yourself to see what you're capable of and I think that's like the foundation of what I was and then there's my grandmother who inspired this like craving desire for knowledge just to learn about the world and I think the key moment for me with all of that framework with my parents that craving for knowledge instilled by my grandmother my grandmother's tattooed on my arm actually and then I go and do my first psychedelic medicine Journey After High School when I'm 18 years old and I really feel like I wanna find knowledge and then be able to distribute that to the world in an interesting way I wanted to build my own in Legacy so to speak and in that first psychedelic medicine ceremony I felt my body disappear and I felt what I could only call Consciousness or maybe even use the word Soul even though I wasn't religious at all so I didn't believe in Souls but I felt something come online and that was kind of the the Genesis of me being where I am now even though that doesn't have a lot to do with all my business accomplishments and anything else it's just this desire to be great because it was modeled for me in the parents that I had this thirst and quest
for knowledge that quest for knowledge turned inward with the Psychedelic medicine Journey so I was looking inside that's the field of psychonautics which is really the field that I'm the most passionate about psychonautics the exploration of the inner aspects the inner Cosmos of Who We Are and then offering what I learn out to the world and sometimes that comes out in the form of products and practices and workout equipment and supplements like with the company on it that I started sometimes it's with a podcast or a poem or a story and uh yeah that's probably one way to look at who is Aubry Marcus if you were to draw a circle around all of those products the content the podcast on it and you'll current Mission today through all of the work you're doing what is the similar what is the mission there if I had asked you if I asked you right now what is your mission in life what would it be if you would have asked me I don't know 15 years ago it would have been just to make a big impact I just want to be big I want to be big my parents were big I know I can be big I feel it in me I feel like there's something big that's supposed to emerge right and I was frustrated because nothing was happening and so I found in my company and I created on it and then things started to get big I started my podcast things started to get big I wrote my book things started to get bigger and that was the driving desire right it was actually and yes I wanted it to be for the good of all I've always felt very connected to everybody else and recognized that you sitting across from me right here you're just me living a different life right like we're all part of the same source of life itself so I did always have this belief like I want to contribute to the greater good of all as one of my teachers Don Howard said para el bien de todos for the good of all so that was was always there but it was a lot more about me it was a lot more about me being big if I'm being honest and now right now some of that's removed it's like I've a I've accomplished that thing where it's like Aubry has made his Mark but that doesn't even matter anymore now I look out at the whole world and I say all
right world what do you need and what do you need from Aubry like what can Aubry do to help you the most like I hear you like I know that you're hurting and I know that you're beautiful you're beautiful in every way and what can I do to actually serve the world in the best way possible and that's the that's the mission man your parents breaking up at two years old was that significant for you in hindsight you look back as an adult it was that significant moment the ramifications of that were incredibly significant because it brought in my stepmother and my stepfather into the constellation of my family so there could be very few things that were more significant than that as I had four models of parent rather than two and with four I was able to get a much more well-rounded approach like the difference between my father and my stepfather were immense what were these differences well my father was an incredibly acute and attuned intellectual philosopher a thinker you know he was able to actually analyze a logician he was able to analyze the world in this very kind of philosophical way and it helped shape my mind in that way my stepfather brought that bare energy of what it is to be a man the physicality he was always the best to play with as a kid too because of course you want to play with the bear they know how to roll around and laugh and tell stories and you sit on their shoulders and you go climbing around and and it's not that either both parent didn't have a little bit of that but they were very different archetypes and so my understanding about what it means to be a man included so many different things it included the eloquence of being able to write poetry and solve problems and play Scrabble and play chess and it involved also Brute Force wrestling and playing and telling stories and standing you know standing as a hero against that didn't serve you know and and so with two models of father I got to actually have a much more well-rounded kind of idea of what it meant to be a man was there lessons that you had to unlearn from that of course yeah I mean you
don't learn just the positive aspects of your parents you learn the negative aspects of your parents too you those those are learned in in ways that your mind can't even comprehend so things that my dad was stressed about I find myself being stressed about because I transmitted this kind of General sense of worry about things so I've had to unlearn those aspects of worry my father also you know was want to fly into fits of Rage at a certain point I remember one time this is a very like very important story in my own trajectory because my father when he would get angry he would start he would just yell you know just like he would just erupt and um it was early and early after I started on it and it's probably 2013 2014 and we had a smaller office then not the smallest office it was the second biggest office that we had and I had my own office and I was in there and I was filming a video and it was an important video for me to film and we had a kind of front desk customer service person also in the office who was handling emails customer service things and also handling anybody coming in the door something came up where she started knocking on the door well I didn't know it was her that was knocking on the door I didn't really know who was knocking on the door I was just trying to film a video and back then we didn't have a bunch of video editors so it wasn't like we weren't able to just stop I had to kind of hit it in one take you know we didn't have the tech resources then so I'm like five minutes into this take I'm killing it and the knock comes and then a second knock and then a third knock and finally by the third knock I couldn't ignore it anymore I was throwing me off a mental track and I just started yelling like what what is it you what the [ __ ] do you want you know like one of those moments where I just got really angry and then I hear like I'm sorry and I was like oh man that was that was our front desk girl it was just a sweetheart like absolute sweetheart like
the sweetest and and I like take a deep breath and I like open the door and I walk out there and she's crying in her desk in that moment I realized like I'm not going to do that ever again like I'm not going to do that [ __ ] I'm not gonna fly into a fit of rage and hurt somebody you know I want like I won't and you can see how much it still affects me you know because that was the point that that pattern broke for me and it's not that not that I haven't gotten mad since then or whatever but never like that you know and there's something else in me it's like no never again because I saw her and I saw what I did and of course I apologize and but that's where I stopped that lineage transmission and said it stops with me where did that lineal transmission start in your father did you ever figure that out yeah with it with his father you know I mean it I don't know how far it went back I mean I don't have a strong genealogical tree I didn't even get to meet either of my grandfathers actually but uh I've heard the stories you know I heard the stories of that my dad did the best to kind of shed as much of the trauma that he could shed so he would pass on as little as possible to me and he did his best and and he was actually the one that encouraged me to go on my own psychedelic medicine Journey because that was one of the tools that he used to try and actually change who he is so that he could be better for me and be better for the world and he did he did a great job you know compared to the stories of my grandfather to him he did a amazing job and it was my job to clean up the rest and that's what I'm in the process of doing is cleaning up the rest so that when I have my son Huxley is going to be his name you know of course Source willing that that we have a we have a child I don't want to pass any of that on I just want to pass the Legacy a new fresh fresh Legacy like fresh powder on a on a mountain you know like Fresh Tracks a legacy of love a legacy of support a
legacy of like I'm here son and also you're so much more powerful than you think you are and let me show you and bring him through all of the initiations the sweat lodges the cold mountains like I've climbed with Wim Hof the when he's old enough the medicine Journeys bring him through this path of initiation but the whole way just love love love the whole way where that never wavers so he's not trying to prove something to me so that he can get me to love him he knows that I love him are you speaking about a younger version of yourself and your father when you say that about that approval of course of course have you got an example of when you realize that you would you were following that pattern I mean the examples most of my whole life right like am I doing it right am I doing it right Dad you know am I doing it good enough dad is it was the subconscious dialogue that I've been in for a long time now it's it was my father first you know so that my father was Dad so my Michael Marcus represented that image of dad but it would transfer to other people it could transfer to a mentor it could transfer to a partner it could transfer to a boss and I would put this kind of approval seeking desire on them they would be the surrogate father and I would be trying to show them how good I am and and then then they would love me just like when I scored 25 points in a basketball game my dad was all [ __ ] love and happy and when I scored you know seven points and had a bad shooting night it's not that he didn't love me but it felt like he didn't love me because he was just quiet and Sullen and I was quiet and Silent in all of the all of the love felt like it had been sucked out of the room like a vacuum right so I learned and that's just one example of many different ways that I learned that if you perform well you're loved and if you don't you're not loved what's this ping pong story yeah well that was that was just one of the moments that my father just flew into rage you know so I was four years old and my father was playing ping pong and he mishit a ball it hit off the corner
of the paddle flew up into the into the stratosphere basically because he was trying to hit a smash and I go home run I'm just a kid and I was like I thought that was a funny thing to say but for my father he was so locked in this intense competition which of course didn't matter he's not like in the ping pong World Championships it was in his house and later he started yelling at me from like for saying that during his ping-pong match because it threw him off his game or whatever whatever it was so moments like that really made me kind of aware to the point of being scared about what I was saying and so it gave me and as I said before like one of the stoic mindsets is everything that happens to you happens for you why did it happen for you I look at that story now and say okay at that moment I realized that I have to be very mindful of everything I say when I say it because there's drastic consequences if I don't what does that make me do it makes me a very good listener it makes me a very good communicator it allows me to understand how my words could be perceived what if what a gift that's my superpower thanks Dad but it comes with a call still superpowers right of course and the cost was and sometimes still is less now I have to be you know have to be honest and not claim a false humility but sometimes still is but the cost is like you're not present you're not really present if you're thinking all the time about every different way that what you say could be perceived by somebody else and you're going through these hypothetical scenarios in your brain about the hypothetical conversations about if they took that the wrong way how you would respond and what you'd explain it's mentally exhausting and anxious you know and it's I live so much in my life playing out a million different scenarios about every single thing that I said and how that could be interpreted and as I said like I'm mostly free of that but every once in a while for a text that matters I'll look at it and I'll see like like nine different ways that that thing could be interpreted the wrong way and then I
have to manually like with manual override of my own Consciousness be like it's all good they know you they love you they're not going to take any of these different interpretations and then abandon you or get mad at you or anything like that this process you describe starts um according to all of the therapists and child trauma experts I've spoken to with something called awareness and that kind of allows you to take on the challenge but there's a lot of people that are living unaware of the um puppet master in the back room that's pulling the strings what has made you aware I mean everybody has their own path and so I don't want to sound like my path is my recommendation my prescription for everybody but for me it's been the Psychedelic medicine path and psychedelic medicine doesn't have to involve taking anything I think you mentioned that your partner is a breath work practitioner breath work at the highest level is as psychedelic as anything it's incredibly cathartic and magical and Visionary even I mean you're actually there's been some studies showing that actually in that deep breathing process you're producing endogenous levels of DMT DMT which is called The Spirit Molecule which is also the active psychedelic compound in Ayahuasca it's happening when you breathe so there's a lot of different psychic like psychonautic technologies that can get you there from sensory deprivation tanks to sweat lodges to lots of things but I have done many and if not most of the plant medicines of the world most and really experienced a lot of the Great lineages that have had that wisdom and then also started to look to see how those lineages can evolve how we can use this unique time where we have access to many different medicines and access to many different ways of thinking and psychological Technologies like internal family systems for example which has been paired with psychedelic medicine therapy so using all of this and create a new emergent lineage about how to hold these medicines in a way that is accretive and actually supportive to our life because for me that's been the process again
psychonotics the ability to look inside and see everything as Rumi said you know we're not a drop in the ocean we're the ocean in a drop so if you want to understand anything about the cosmos you can look out at the cosmos you can look inside into your inner Cosmos with the k and that's the way the Greeks spelled it and and say like okay like what's what's really on the inside what's really on the inside and the medicines have helped me do that you'll first experience with plant medicines was when you were 18 years old is that correct that's right you went on a um you call it like a vision is it like a vision mission I can't remember the word you used yeah um After High School yeah that was it a vision mission yeah it was it's I mean there's a it's a Vision Quest but there's definitely many traditional ways to do a vision quest which involve fasting for four days with no food no water and that's more of the Lakota style of a Vision Quest or the North American First Nations you know kind of style this was more of a medicine Vision Quest which is a little bit different in that I'm still going on a journey for a vision and going to a place but the medicine was actually there instead of the fasting and the Stillness and the silence and it's not to say that the medicine is better or worse it certainly worked out really well for me but that was the pivotal moment that changed everything I actually had a vision of who I actually was so that first step of four in my mission was illuminated where I started to understand the kind of limitlessness and the undying source of who I actually really am I read that in your story but then the next sort of 10 years of your life didn't seem to manifest what I would have assumed a plant medicine Journey would have manifested in the sense that you described that from 20 onwards you were still relatively sort of Lost in seeking approval and partying a lot oh yeah drinking a lot so there's a it was interesting because I had connected to my soul that was all that is but myself the Aubry still wanted approval still wanted to be loved still wanting to make his Mark still wanted to
be big you know so I was advancing rapidly in the internal kind of dynamics of understanding who I was but externally I was not meeting that criteria and I couldn't see beyond a reason you know I there was not a point where I I thought well maybe I don't need this actually and actually even now even after all this work it's like I appreciate that I wanted to really go for it I was audacious and I wanted to have a big company and I wanted to make a big Mark I wanted to have resources because resources are now opening up the possibility for me to really tell different stories bring communities together do the things that I that I really want to do so I wouldn't have changed it but there was a focus on me you know from a kind of egoic identity construct perspective being successful and that was like The Guiding that was like the guiding principle and I was failing at it really like I was failing at it I had a marketing company and I kept getting fired by my different clients and even if I did a good job and I would start I would start things it's funny actually I smashed my uh for those looking I smashed my finger and it was all purple so I painted it uh with my wife's nail polish which is gray so I have one painted nail but it's a funny example because that was one of my failed businesses I was going to start a men's nail polish line because I saw like Chuck Liddell and my friend Roger Huerta they were painting their nails I was like yeah men can bait their nails and I started that it bombed there was so many failures and I really thought like I'm just never gonna succeed I mean I made I made a decent living you know I always always found a client or always found somebody that I that I could get a paycheck from but it wasn't happening until it did until it did until it did when you think about that moment and the fact is that aligned to make it it happened until it did what were those factors that aligned or what what was it fate was it luck was it something that changed within you was it being more aligned with your own sort of authentic self
all of the above looking back I wasn't ready to hold the bigness yet I had I had to you know kind of like sometimes if you have a young a young Stallion and they're bucking around in their heart you got to run them a little bit you got to run the stallion I had to I had to run a little bit and my partner at the time Caitlin we were running you know we were partying a lot we were out I was standing on the speakers and growling I was training MMA with the homies I was I was running you know I was running and I think I needed to do that and at the same time I was also exploring exploring in that path of psychonautics building experience and I had this feeling I just had this feeling when I watched Joe Rogan do comedy and we're talking 2008 you know this is not the Joe Rogan of now right way different thing he was the Fear Factor guy the U.S just you know the UFC commentator but the UFC wasn't what it is now not even close but I saw him and I was like I'm that guy's friend I know it like I know we're friends and I would and I would meet him after a show or I'd run into him at a club and I'd be like hey man but nothing would ever stick of course because I was a fan and he was the guy and like that it's very difficult to bridge that Gap in that kind of social construct so he started a podcast yeah and and I was falling when it was like oh wow and that was old Joe Rogan days back with Brian redband and there was no podcast advertising then again podcast was in its infancy he had no podcast advertisers so I had one of my clients and I was like look we should advertise on Joe Rogan's podcast we got to do this and for those of you who know it was the client was Fleshlight which is a whole other story but I was like Joe we want to advertise on your podcast and he's like okay cool and it's like it's flashlight and then his his management team is like what the [ __ ] are you doing Joe you can't you can't advertise flashlights he's like damn right I can't I don't want anybody to take me so seriously that I can't you know advertise for this thing so which is a sex toy for anybody that doesn't
yeah it's a sex toy for men but what I stipulated in that was like all right yeah we're totally down we'll be here we'll be your podcast sponsor I just want to meet you for 30 minutes for coffee and then we'll we'll close the deal and that was really honestly the play it was a it was a strategy now I was tested I was tested in that moment because at that point I was friends with Bodie Miller who is the best skier in the world arguably at that point he'd won multiple World Championships he hadn't won the gold medal yet which he eventually won in Vancouver but he was the best skier in the world and he was going to the Kentucky Derby and Bodhi going to the Kentucky Derby is a big deal he gets to go with all of the you know the big dogs and it's a huge party and Bodie was at that point my best friend and the Kentucky Derby happened to be exactly at the time where Joe Rogan said I can meet you 30 minutes for coffee so I had a choice I could either say yeah [ __ ] the coffee we'll just advertise and I'll go to the derby which old me would have been like Derby Derby let's go let's party you know the stallion that wanted to run but there is some knowledge inside me that no this coffee with Joe Rogan is important and I'm gonna skip the whole derby party and I'm gonna just meet this man for coffee and I met him for coffee and the coffee turned into dinner and then that dinner turned into a friendship and that turned into him having me on his podcast and then a friendship developed and out of that friendship developed really I was starting a supplement company developed on it as we know it now Joe Rogan as my partner and then the combination of again going back to my parents my stepmother had a deep knowledge of nutraceuticals that actually could functionally impact performance she worked with basketball teams so she had athletic performance supplements cognitive performance supplements and I was used to that concept so with her help and with all of the scientific research I could put together a formula I knew how to Market because I'd marketed things and then Joe Rogan was my partner and so we had a way to get that out we had a way to let
people know so I raised a hundred and ten thousand dollars it got fifty thousand dollars from uh from a kind of family friend that I'd worked with and with different clients and done some public relations work with and I had Bodhi my friend who so one gave 50 000 the other gave sixty thousand that was the start of on it is that money right there and I basically blew through and wasted all of that and then I went to Joe and I said hey man like what supplement would you like the most he's like ah man I'd like a all-natural nootropic that really worked a nootropic being a cognitive answer and I was like you know what Joe I'm gonna make the best one that's ever been made and he's like all right man and I went to work and I did it and I formulated with all of that help the supplement that was Alpha Brain and with Alpha Brain and send it to Joe and Joe was like man this is amazing it was actually way too strong at that point it was like it's like it was gnarly but Joe's a beast you know he's like he's a Savage so at that moment then we kind of knew we had something so I dialed down the formula got it right and when all of that came together and we launched Alpha Brain it just clicked we sold out of that product in 12 hours we had the next batch going and the only reason I had the money to even buy the first batch was because there was net 30 credit terms on my purchase order so actually we could receive the product and not have to pay for 30 days so I didn't even have the money to pay in 30 days unless I sold it right but we sold it in 12 hours and then there was another order on the back of that so I was actually sold through two orders before I even had to pay the first purchase order so we grew on it from literally nothing at that point other than the resources that we'd you know applied to having a website and having a shopping cart Etc and that was it it was a rocket ship from there and also you know being on Joe Rogan's podcast people started to be aware of my ideas and my philosophies and these other things that I'd been developing over all of these years in between all of the partying that I was
doing and all of the other stuff and at that moment I started to have a stage and a platform and started to build a kingdom when you say it grew like a rocket ship to close off that story can you quantify that in some way for people that are listening from that first launch moment to where it ended up getting acquired by Unilever I believe yeah yeah you say rocket ship what do you mean so 2010 on it was founded by me and with the investment from those two individuals that I mentioned Bodean Howard and uh we sold a little bit but we had a lot of inventory we couldn't sell it and we were failing it was another failed business just like my men's nail polish company was going down into the dirt and then at that moment with the Alpha Brain product we put that on sale and then from there we could barely keep it in stock we were just selling through as much as we could have and then we developed other supplements that went and we went from I mean we were Inc 500 fastest growing company over the next you know four years because we actually went from you know zero to I don't know what the first year was I don't have all the numbers but imagine like 12 million 24 million 34 you know 35 million 45 million you know and then we then we kind of leveled out around 60 million in annual revenue for a while and then we had some real trials and tribulations and a lot of deep tests at that point to get us to the level where eventually in 2021 we were able to sell the company to Unilever and have a huge exit which has now given me you know an amazing blessing of abundance of resources and one of the coolest Parts about that is so many people in my life you know talking about Community again so many people in my life got little pieces of the company you know like my friend mccot mccad Brooks who's now an actor on Law and Order he was he was an actor in True Blood black back then I was like yeah man you can have 10 000 shares come on just talk about this I was giving out I was giving out Equity like candy I was like I love you man here's some shares and then all of a sudden all of those shares turned into huge amounts of wealth you know for so many people and and that was such a beautiful thing not only for me not only for Joe but for
everybody that that was everybody that was around me that I was giving a little piece of this Equity to for on it to build that energy everybody everybody won it was like being on this gigantic hundred person craps table of everybody you love and everybody wins and the casino just empties out the bank and we all go home and we're like wow we did it and in the meantime we made great products we inspired people we got people to you know our concept was total human optimization we got people to actually get back in touch with this idea that you can be a little bit better tomorrow than you are today and so every step of the way it was something beautiful and then the payoff was beautiful it was it's just an absolute dream man and doesn't mean that I didn't live my own little nightmares of fear and anxiety and worry and stress and mistakes all through the process but looking back now holy [ __ ] what an unbelievable I mean I couldn't have designed a fantasy better there's going to be people listening to this who are the version of you at the start of that roller coaster yeah what would you say to those people because I mean a lot of our listenership are exactly that person they have an idea they're pursuing a dream they maybe for the wrong all the right reasons I mean who am I to say to Define what either of those um are but what would you say to them in order to prepare them for that roller coaster you have to see it you have to see really see it like see it with clear eyes not with the deluded Eyes of Hope and not with the shrouded eyes of fear but really see what's possible I think people always ask me the question like can you believe what happened with on it and I was like of course I can believe what happened with on if I didn't believe that it could happen it wouldn't have happened you know it's the funniest thing can you believe it I was like yeah I can believe it of course I could believe it if I didn't believe it it wouldn't have happened so the first most important step is you really have to see it and you have to see it realistically and to
see it realistically you have to look at how difficult it is out there you know I mean I I meet so many people like yeah I'm gonna start this clothing brand I'm like and I've been you know done a few things with different clothes and that's a hard business it's a hard It's a Grind that's difficult but you can do it but you have to see it and you have to see the field correctly you have to see the competition you have to see how challenging the market is and actually see how you're going to elevate above that and when you can really see it then you can make it happen but it depends on how accurate your site is so you have to see accurately have the discretion and then once that's there you have to go all in like push all your chips in when you see it push all your chips in focus and turn all of that energy into a single point and push forward with everything you got okay so see it I a few thoughts spring to mind when you said talked about seeing it so the first one is what role does seeing it because you talked about the adversity you kind of like glossed over the adversity of that journey and I think part of the reason I start this podcast in the first place was because I think the adversity matters just as much as the eventual achievement for sure and obviously because of the way that the media works and the way we tell our stories we focus a bit more on the achievement but what role does seeing it play in being able to grace those hurdles as and when they inevitably come foreign well the first one is to see it actually being successful right and I saw I could see that vision and even even as it was happening it was still you know there was still some part of me that was like wow it's really actually coming true because I'd seen it before I saw the nail polish company successful too I just didn't see it accurately I didn't see the market I didn't see the idea that this was going to be a very difficult thing to actually convince people was cool and that people would be like why buy your nail polish when I just get any nail polish there I didn't really see it right and with on it I saw it right you know and I had the right people and and with the right team so so seeing it into success is important and
then what you're going to encounter is a lot of things that you didn't see and that's where the adversity comes I didn't see that coming I didn't see that coming we had a security breach and on it you know it was one of the early days 2013 2014 when that was happening to a lot of different companies I think I remember Target had a big one and it was found out and then Target was like oh yeah yeah this happened and you know sorry about about that you know people got access to credit cards that happened to us and there was a choice point and it felt like everything was going to be ruined because we got hacked somebody got access to our customer data we didn't have the right firewalls and all the right cyber security I mean I thought we did but we didn't obviously and there was a choice point you know nobody nobody else externally discovered it we discovered it internally we fixed it and we could have just kind of crossed our fingers and hoped that nothing happened but I made a different choice and in that choice I just said I got to tell everybody so I just sent out an email I was like look y'all I'm so sorry like this is on us we didn't have the right security we got hacked and your information was compromised and we're so sorry and here's you know a discount code for any on it products that you want and like our deepest apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused if you have to cancel your card or whatever I understand and and I just came out really authentically and honestly and that ended up being one of like these powerful moments where instead of the whole customer base turning against our company being like these losers can't even secure our credit cards or whatever they actually trusted and trusted our company and trusted me more because of just how authentically I shared about that story so that's one version of adversity that comes from those things that those monsters that come from the grass that were slithering around or hiding in the in the tall grass that you don't see and then all of a sudden you have to confront them and it's going to be about how you deal with those things that you
didn't see and are you Guided by that again that superstructure that I talked about those principles of if you or me living a different life what would I want me to receive I would want honesty just somebody to be honest and be like yeah we [ __ ] up and we're sorry and and this is the best we can do you know and and that was that was kind of the guiding principle is I was bound by this value structure and the value structure was the kind of The Guiding Light through all of it and it it worked when you said about seeing it one of the things that came to mind as well was when you can see the competitive landscape often that's incredibly intimidating there's you know entrepreneurs often talk about how being a little bit delusional and naive is actually a driving force and were they to know how difficult it actually was like where entrepreneurs to to have seen your hardest darkest days they might not have bothered so my second question here is about seeing it is what would you say to an entrepreneur that's starting a business maybe in the same you know in the same field as on it was that's looking out and thinking oh my God but there's already loads of competitors and Aubry did this and Joe did that like I've got this idea but there's so many competitors I just won't bother because I'm sure when you started there was a big competitive landscape sure it gets more and more difficult you know all the time and it's about can you get the bright pieces of the puzzle together the right product the right energy behind it the right ethos the right experience something that's actually better than the field I mean when you're talking about this landscape you're talking about one of the beauties of this capitalist model is you're open to radical competition and that's what drives the evolution so you have to know that you're a little bit better you're a little bit better than everybody else and if you're able to show that in all of the ways that you're a little bit better you'll be able to make it through and yes you're still going to receive immense challenges you know there's going to be times that security breach was just one of many we had another moment where we made a huge mistake we
thought we were getting an investment we distributed all of our cash we had zero money in the bank the investment didn't happen and then so we had all of these accounts payable no money in in the bank and we called it cash Apocalypse at that point our CFO just looked at us said we're we're bankrupt in 30 days I'm leaving what walked out of the room walked out of the room I was like all right and then our CEO who ended up becoming the CEO when I stepped down in 2020 right before like a year before the sale uh he guided us through and we made it and we we made it because of the relationships that we'd you know held with honesty and with with good faith with everybody we weren't we weren't playing games with anybody so they trusted us we were like Hey we're in a really tight spot but if you if you trust us and you allow us to pay late you extend our terms from net 30 net to net 60 to net ninety maybe net 120 you know like we're going to pay you in four months for the products that you're delivering and they believed in us they backed us and and that was what it got us through that moment so that CFA that walked down yeah he made a big mistake he made a big mistake he had also he had you know he had an equity position he had options that he that he you know forfeited whoops whoops you know our current CEO our current CEO I mean not current CEO the CEO that emerged Jason Havey he he couldn't he's such a sweet such a sweet guy but he couldn't help but stand uh on the anniversary of that day where where the CFO walked out and and just told us straight up that we were we were going to be out of business for the next couple years on that anniversary we'd be like hey how's it going we're still here next oh wow wow I mean some people that's that's natural selection of life there's some people in the hardest times they bail right right that therefore they aren't deserving of those kind of good good moments exactly per se you left in 2020 I don't see a huge desire from you from looking at what you're doing now to get
in get back in bed in that same kind of industry doing the same kind of thing is that accurate and if so why the my desire to be a CEO is not really there my desire to be this kind of visionary founder is there so you imagine someone like Richard Branson in a certain he's really not actually running any of the companies that he's running running owning he's just kind of guiding them and I am very interested in continuing to guide different projects and different brands but I want really competent operators to really start to navigate now I may end up actually working with the CEO that Jason Havey was with on it for 10 years he transitioned out so he's now no longer there and so we make team back up get the Avengers back together and put you know a few other brands back on the table and the reason for that is because they're great products again that are doing really important things like I want to do important things and the resources that that will allow us to you know kind of accumulate can then be applied to really great projects that can benefit again parallel bien de Toros for the good of all so yeah I mean I'm still I'm still in the game but I'm just doing it at a different level I'm not going to be the guy who's pouring over the P L's who's chasing down purchase orders but I am the guy who can go out and meet the key allies put the pieces of the puzzle together share the voice and the kind of idea of why these products are important and and so that's going to be there's going to be another kind of reload and birth of a new kind of wave of things that'll come out and and there's also but there's so many other things now I'm going in many different directions of course there's the podcast there's the book that I'm working on and other books that are planned after that there's media and documentaries that I'm making and there's stories I want to tell and there's a lot of different things that I'm doing but I'm just at a level and a purview where I have a lot of competent operators that are helping execute on all of these different Visions ladies and gentlemen I am so delighted to finally be able to announce that one of my all-time favorite Brands and now sponsoring this podcast and that
is whoop all of you know that I've been on a bit of a journey in terms of health performance cognitive performance sleep and all those kinds of things that's kind of been reflected in the guests we've had on this podcast and woof has been a huge part of my life for many many many years that's part of the reason I also had the founder come on the podcast after having will on the podcast I love the brand even more hearing about his vision his passion for the project where it came from his own Obsession was solving a problem which turned into the product that is whoop whoop is a wearable health and fitness coach that provides you with the feedback and real actionable insights into sleep into recovery into how you're training into your stress levels and your overall health and for me it's empowered me to be the best version of myself across all of those aspects of my life the woop team have very kindly offered to give all of you a free month so just head to join.woop.com CEO to claim your device and your first free month on us you know I never really usually pick the chocolate flavored heels my favorite are the banana flavor I love The Salted Caramel flavor but recently I think I in part blame Jack in my team who's obsessed with the chocolate flavor heals I've started drinking the chocolate flavor heels for the first time and I absolutely love them my life means that I sometimes disregard my diet and it's funny that's part of the reason why I've had a lot of guests on this podcast recently that talk about diet and health and those kinds of things because I am trying to make an active effort to be more healthy to lose a little bit of weight as well but to be more healthy and the role that heal plays in my life is it mean means that in those moments where sometimes I might reach for you know junk Foods having an option that is nutritionally complete that is high in fiber that is incredibly high in protein that has all the vitamins and minerals that my body needs within Arm's Reach that I can consume on the go is where he always been a game changer for me love let's talk about love then I often wonder you know we we learn our models of love and relationships very early and I've talked a lot about
um how I learned my model of Love The Good the Bad the Ugly of it and how I was very much an avoidant in terms of my attachment style I would run from everyone that had any interest in me I'd pursue someone and then when they showed interest in me I'd run and I was like mimicking some like deep model that I learned that relationships mean you're in prison basically like the narrative I'd learned because my father I was I think subconsciously convinced he was in prison in his relationship so um it took me a lot of awareness and unpacking to like realize that to the point where as I sit here today I'm in a great relationship obviously it has all of the same you know natural imperfections any relationship but one that I think is the most special thing I've ever experienced in my life what's your journey been like with love you have a unique point to your story which you know I'm going to talk about yeah because I know a lot of people ask you about it which is I don't even know what the correct term is polyamory polyamory I always say polygamy I don't know why I say that well that would be multiple wives okay polyamory is multiple loves so yeah my journey with love was was interesting because you know again I had my first major partnership was with who someone who's now my best friend and also the best man quote of my of my wedding with my wife is was my former fiancee Caitlyn and we had a relationship where she it was not it was not polyamory but however we could bring other female lovers into into our equation right into our female love is right so other girls could we could have sexual experiences with other women and so that gave me kind of this release valve to my desires because I simply again I was bound by these kind of feelings of value and this feeling of anybody who I'm with is me living a different life so I can't cheat you know there there was one moment well I did I did actually cheat one time in my life and it was so miserable the feeling that I felt when I cheated on my partner like that one time I was like I just cannot do this and I see and again no judgment you know but I see so many successful and powerful men who are unfaithful to
their partners and to me that's like going and skirting around the problem and just creating a whole bunch more problems and it's also it's it's actually legitimately unethical right like you're you're manipulating somebody you're lying to them you're not telling the truth and so after that one experience of feeling how just awful I felt when I actually cheated on a story I was in Moscow blah blah it doesn't [ __ ] matter like fundamentally I was like this I will not do this like this cannot be the way and so you in that relationship the ability for us to have other lovers that were female then it kind of satisfied that desire although the problem was is that I was still always kind of searching for that and it was it wasn't quite right at that point for me at that stage of my young stallion life right wasn't quite right but it was beautiful we had a beautiful relationship and I love Caitlin I love that relationship so much But ultimately I was you know that wasn't working out she didn't feel like she was going to be the queen that was going to help me build my Empire you know she's a wild and magical woman but she wasn't kind of that Warrior Queen focused energy that I was really looking for and then Whitney came along who's my next most significant partner and I saw that in her and I was like aha I think this is the one that can be with me be by my side as I build on it to what it's going to become and I step forward in the world she's got the she's got the right stuff for that so we started a relationship just purely monogamous no other partners nothing else that lasted about 18 months and I still felt this strong desire to be with other women to experience the goddess in many different faces and I've never been any been the type that just wants to have sex with somebody because that makes me feel good about myself no I I legitimately love women like I love them I'm like it's the greatest Delight for me to be with a woman you know and so I had that natural desire I wasn't willing to be Unfaithful and cheat so I went to Whitney and I said hey I have this idea what about I still want to be with you but
I think I need to be polyamorous and I know that for this to be fair that means that you get to see anybody you want to so if I get to do it you get to do it unlike you know in the former relationship with Caitlin I would have been so jealous and be like no man ever never under any circumstances I'm the lion you know like I had these old old other kind of constructs and ideas thanks to you know it was really the book sex at dawn by by Chris Ryan then actually opened my mind to this idea that there is a different concept that different tribes have utilized throughout throughout history where we didn't have this possessive kind of jealous idea about what it means to have a partner that we were open to having you know having your partner have multiple loves and I understood philosophically that our love is like the sun like it's shining on all of these different places and to have somebody be like your sunlight you're you're erotic sunlight can only shine on me I was like this is absurd doesn't make any sense to me so philosophically it didn't make sense and I had my own desires so I said all right let's be polyamorous and I thought that I would be okay with Whitney seeing other people I thought I was gonna I thought I was gonna Breeze through because I had a girlfriend first so Whitney after a period of three months she first she was like you know you're out of your mind go [ __ ] yourself I'm out I was like that that sucks but I understand your decision I'm not going to change my decision it's it's the way forward a few months later she came back she's like all right let's try this and I was already involved with somebody else so I had a girlfriend and then Whitney was still my primary partner so that was the constellation primary partner is Whitney she lived with me and then girlfriend who I would go meet at a different meet at her house or meet at a different place and then have my own experiences with that partner and then when Whitney you know I and I really didn't have the understanding of how hard this would be on the other side I thought like yeah it'll be easy like I philosophically understood it then
Whitney got her first partner and I cannot describe to you the feeling that I felt when Whitney had her first lover it was it broke me it absolutely broke me even though I had agreed to it even though I'd acted on it on my end when she was with somebody else I felt like I was gonna vomit cry I wanted to punch a wall I wanted to just I couldn't I couldn't even handle it and I also felt so ashamed for the fact that I had no like very little compassion for her having gone through this because I hadn't gone through it yet and it was a really challenging kind of moment and of course what did I do you know whoever her partner was I tried to like be better than them at whatever they were good at and at one point you know Whitney was with a professional fighter and I was like I'll be a good fighter and I was like how stupid like she doesn't love me because I'm a fighter she loves me because I'm me and that was one of the really powerful lessons that polyamory taught me is you can't try to compete in somebody else's strength you just have to compete to be the best version of you and every time I would try to be like somebody else I would become less attractive in her eyes and and that's that was really a deep lesson but for eight years we did the polyamory thing you know we had our moments where we were off and on and we'd have little breakups and little issues that would come up but we both were free to see who we wanted to see and be with whoever we wanted to be with with the understanding that we were primary partners this had so many challenges and moments where every different boundary that we thought we had well all right you can be with them but you can't be in love with them whoops I fell in love with somebody and then whoops Whitney fell in love with somebody and so that didn't work so we're like okay I guess we're able to really be in love with somebody but then if you're in love with somebody then you want to spend you know and that energy is so strong that the technical term is limerence it's that new relationship energy where you're just intoxicated with somebody well you want to be with them more and then the primary partnership doesn't
make any sense because you the person can feel that you'd rather be with somebody else and it was just it was very very challenging and also very very beautiful you know the the paramours that I had and Paramore is the term for the the other partners you have outside of your primary partner I had unbelievably beautiful relationships with them and magical amazing moments and magical moments with Whitney you know there was so much energy and passion and drama in that in that period but it was honest you know the thing about it was is that it was honest we told each other everything you know everything that happened we told each other the truth there was little pockets of withholding where we didn't Express exactly how we felt and but every little minute dishonesty would get exacerbated into a massive massive issue because there's so much pressure in the system because of the natural emotions of jealousy and and you know worrying about whether our my partner really loved me the most and and that was a really beautiful and and deeply challenging experience and finally you know at the end I I kind of I kind of was like I can do this but I I didn't Master it it was always it was it always got the best of me I was never really fully ever okay with her seeing other people I was okay with me seeing other people and loving her but I could never quite do it I wasn't up to the task and that doesn't mean that somebody else can't be I just I gave it my best and with all my tools all my Consciousness all of my love I couldn't do it and so with that knowledge then you know I met of course I met by Lana and vinelana like you know immediately I'd been in love with her for a little while and and we could tell that story if we like but I'd been through the polyamory Journey so when I met Milan I was like I'm not doing that again you know I'm not doing that again do you know anybody that's made that work oh for a time and and the thing is is I think it's a it's a journey of growth and it's a journey of transformation and evolution
when things are stagnant or stuck it may be an opportunity to get things moving I think I would rather have the the ups and downs the brisk win the floating into the into the Twilight sunsets of just glorious beautiful experiences and then the card crashes into the rocky Crags where it's all blood and broken glass everywhere you know metaphorically of course I kind of my poet's heart kind of likes that more than just kind of steady bored diminishment of Life Force there's no energy there's no charge there that never that doesn't really appeal to me so polyamory is one of the ways that you can really drive a lot of energy and a lot of growth and a lot of introspection and a lot of a lot of evolution of your own character through that process so has anybody made it work long term [Music] it's rare and I don't think I have a good model for it because I think part of the problem is is that the the culture doesn't really support that yet and I don't think our Consciousness has evolved to a level where we can handle it we don't have models for it we have models of jealousy it's in all of our songs it's in all of our it's it's everywhere it's like we're flying again we're going Upstream against a cultural Zeitgeist so if culture changes if Society changes I think that will become more possible it's of course some people are doing it and they're making it work I haven't seen it personally really work on like a long-term level but I think it's just because the culture hasn't blossomed for that to really be possible I've often pundit if there's some kind of like evolutionary darwinistic reason why it doesn't work and it would make sense from a darwinistic perspective that I want my seed to pass on and I want I want my genes to survive so if I if there's another man with my partner for example then that's going to evolve me out of the gene pool so there's got to be some kind of you know one would assume there's some kind of inbuilt innate mechanism called jealousy to prevent that happening yeah and there's also the genetic impulse to actually I mean again we're we're having sex but the impulse is to
impulses to reproduce right like that's where it's coming from so yes there's somebody actually sleeping with your partner but you're sleeping with many other people too so you're still genetically you know giving the opportunity to actually fertilize you know many different people so there's a there is genetic support I think from like an evolutionary biology perspective to this concept right but really to make it work we got to go back to that level two that we talked about earlier which is community which is tribe because if it's for the good of the tribe then it doesn't matter if it's your genetic you know your genetic DNA it's like will this be the best will this be the best situation for the tribe and if the tribe is in love the tribe is thriving the tribe has energy the tribe has that life force that then that's accretive to the overall mission but without that kind of tribe level understanding and perhaps even that humankind level understanding you can't actually I don't think you can make it work I was reflecting as you're saying that about the tribe on various cult documentaries I've watched where there's still jealousy you know um even though they're a unit they're one big family of course you still see that jealousy throughout yeah I think that jealousy is less like about a evolutionary biology and more about the ego the ego knows itself in relative position it's a construct that we create to help navigate our life and our in our body and our soul and so it's this idea it's a story about who we are and that story about who we are we only know how good we are compared to somebody else it's like are you a good ping-pong player well that depends who am I playing you know like if I'm out with my mates yeah I'm a [ __ ] good ping pong player if I'm going to a tournament I'm the worst so you know yourself in relative position to to the context and that's the problem in this kind of polyamorous Dynamic there's always this thing of this person's getting loved more or there's more attention here or you're comparing all of these different aspects and attributes and so until you can actually observe that ego identity construct from uh from a witness perspective
then you really can't escape the trappings of comparing yourself and comparing your situation to somebody else's situation fine Lana oh yeah violana violana your face lights up when you say her name yeah why is that what does she mean to you I didn't know that I could love somebody like this I didn't I didn't think it was really possible I thought it would I thought it would be like a I thought that'd always be kind of like yeah this is good enough this will work you know like we'll make this work and we'll find the situation that'll make it work but with philana it's like no no like I love you so much I wouldn't change a thing about you like and it's just it's this crazy thing that sounds like it sounds unbelie it doesn't sound like it's believable it doesn't even sound credible and I don't even know if it's reproducible I can't say that everybody out there you got your vylana I wish I could go with a straight face and say like there's your violana out there and for vilanas out there there's your Aubry out there and I know it I don't know I think maybe I'm really lucky I don't know but it's like we met you know and I could feel it and I could feel it and she couldn't see it for a long time but I could always see it I didn't know but I could see this possibility and when we got together I mean I had bought the I bought the wedding ring before we actually even had sex you know I mean if you follow the story closely there was uh there was a kind of experience at Burning Man Etc and but really but really though like I just I just knew I could feel it and I knew it and I knew she was I knew she was my queen I just knew it and she is in every way she's the perfect compliment to me and it's not that you know the Jerry Maguire's you complete me no we're too complete beings of different skills attributes polarities energies emotionalities sexualities but we merge together and together we're just so much more and life is so much more beautiful uh it's uh it's a dream man it's a dream and it's there's no there's no
compromise there's no compromise at all and and that's what all you know you go to a wedding and you know all the old-timers will be like yeah you gotta learn to compromise and you're gonna have to pick your battles and blah blah it's like no no what about no what about no what about just it's [ __ ] incredible and you're in it together and I think one of the reasons why we're able to be that is because we're willing to go into the deep together if there's something that's that's that we can't resolve then we have tools and again the plant medicine Journey like we'll go deep we'll go you know multiple times we've drank Ayahuasca together and big things that were Brewing come to the surface and erupt you know like a giant volcano and then we have to sort out all the magma and all the pieces that'll come up but we'll keep going back in going into the deep not looking away from everything and with that attitude we're just cleaning cleaning the cleaning the connection and the intimacy between us all the time when you look back in hindsight because I'm thinking for myself but I'm also thinking for the person that's listening to this timing plays a role and when I say timing I actually mean the timing of your growth Journey kind of Crossing theirs yeah so like had you met while on 10 years earlier yep one would assume Maybe yeah no it wouldn't have worked what was when you reflect in hindsight what was the work that you kind of needed to do to be ready to receive a violana well the stallion had to run the stallion had to run step one I needed to run I needed to be I needed to experience myself and have myself reflected in the hearts of other people who I really loved and I think people think of the stallion running you think of just having a bunch of one-night stands and who [ __ ] cares well like what like you really care that much about that particular type of pleasure you get in your genitals no you're caring about it because it's your ego because somehow that makes you like collecting trophies that's all [ __ ] but what I really what I needed was to see myself reflected in other people and to know
like what my impact could be on someone's heart and what their impact could be on my heart you know and that's why I I have so much love for all of my paramours and for Whitney for allowing that Journey particularly in that period you know Stephanie and Savannah and Lorena all of the different people that I was with and and all of the other names that are not mentioned in that you're in there too right because there was moments that elicited some aspect of me some quality that came online came alive and and I was able to help something come alive in them it was so beautiful and I think that at that chapter of my life needed to happen it needed to happen so I could say I've done this I've seen myself reflected in all of these different Partnerships and now I'm ready to devote that energy to you phylana because I've really I've felt what this is really like so that's I think step one of you know a mini step Journey is there is there a piece of work as well around I guess that's maybe adjacent or attached to what you've just said but learning how to control one's emotions you talked earlier on about anger and snapping and the thing in relationships is if you haven't got control of that the relationship's not going to last especially in you know I think of myself you know you know the ego I had within my younger years and I still have an eager now of course I'm not gonna pretend I don't but I would I was a I was the type of person that would just get up and go so if there was any conflict again going back to what I said about my father feeling like he was in prison I would be out of there and that was my response to conflict it was just let's get up and go so was there a piece of work that had to be done to learn how to become a master of like or to get better at conflict resolution from an emotional standpoint the emotions will come like a wave and the Buddhists they call that the moment of trigger where you get hooked they call it shempa and then this desire to actually take that energy and then you know flood it onto another person and it's very difficult it's very difficult to stop that from happening and so but
you can with awareness you can feel it coming and then you can start to develop your you know the right react the processes and practices about what to do my I have two really dear friends uh Christine Hassler and Stefano sofondos and they just let a workshop at our fit for Service Summit and they talked about one of their conflict resolution techniques because he had that type of anger that would come up and that would be and she would then withdraw and get small and they had this dynamic what they developed was he actually goes into the plow stretch position where he puts his legs over his head when he's in that when he's in that angry State and they actually once soon as he gets angry that's their agreement that he's going to go into that position and if he's going to yell at her he's going to have to yell at her from between his own legs through his own ass basically you know so like they develop this method that they'd literally use and there's some of the most conscious people they're you know there but they have us they have a strategy they have a practice and so vilana and I have developed our own practices but I would say the most important thing beyond the practices that you can do like that some of the practices we have is like there's you know we can say like a magic word that'll be like all right when you say this word this level of conversation is like is the pure level like we can't we can't [ __ ] around anymore like this word now now we enter a new parlay it's like the Pirates when they're all shooting each other they're like parlay and then they go and they're like all right let's talk this out a little bit okay so you're like stepping outside right so we'll have like we'll have a construct we'll be like basically called parlay and then we'll be able to negotiate so we have some moves like that we can make we have for smaller things we have this this construct we call Bedrock where anytime we're in like the deepest state of Love we'll be like this is the Bedrock this is where we'll always return to this is the nature of our love and so either one of us can go bedrock and we go in and no matter if we don't want to if even if every part of us is fighting we go feel the truth of how much we love each other so those are some of my and I don't go into plow
position but those are some of our own strategies but the most important thing of all of the things is full radical ownership of every aspect in which you may have overstepped where you may have made an assumption where you may have made a projection to really be completely honest with your own culpability in the situation because without that step there's going to be a kind of accumulating resentment and that accumulating resentment for that ownership which was not taken will then become the monster that eats love so you know valana and I we've had a couple fights that lasted you know a day two days because we weren't able to get to the point of radical ownership we were still kind of pointing a finger and not able to meet in the middle of like actually owning and it's not always the middle sometimes it's 90 10 and sometimes like I'm I'm sticking at 10 it's like hold there's like you want to take more you're like no hold I'm holding a 10. like that's all I can take you got to come 90. otherwise like this is an impasse and and I and I will I can't I can't move forward if there's fragments of that resentment that are there so we just keep talking keep figuring it out until we actually get to the truth and the Beautiful part about that is there's no fragments of resentment there's no marbles that are being added to the marble mountain of resentment that's going to ultimately destroy our love there's nothing there because we've taken ownership for it we've apologized for everything we need to apologize for and then we've evolved in our own understanding and taken the onus and the sovereignty and the responsibility to learn and to be better the next time have you heard of professor John gottman his study about couples and they found that in his his study of why couples end up in divorce it wasn't arguing or anything else it was a buildup of contempt which is exactly what you've described there as the monster that eats love so he said they could be laughing in the studies they could be arguing in the studies it didn't matter it was any sign of contempt which is basically he defined as like unaddressed issues building up so when you're the example I gave on
stage when I did the diversity alive tour was your partner going babe come look at this and you go that yeah that's five years of being sick of that [ __ ] not talking about it in unaddressed [ __ ] just in that little micro expression that's like an unaddressed recurring conversation of you being sick of you know whatever so I think that's um I really essential idea to what you're saying there this idea of constant work and constant communication and constant conflict resolution can you imagine the world if if all couples could replicate that yeah like when you say it it sounds easy but there's an an everyday battle underneath that and I know because my partner sat over there and we do this we we have the same everyday battle because some days I don't want to talk yeah and some days I think you're wrong and you think I'm wrong and some days my ego gets in the way and some days the thoughts come in just do this leave run away you know whatever and being able to continually confront that I think is an very very difficult challenge now I've only seen in a you know I I'm talking here about men in particular I've only seen it in a couple of men you know yeah the the advantage that I have again is and this is my path and I'm not saying that this is the formula but the plants keep me honest you try to you try to you know carry your [ __ ] story of it's all their fault and you're a victim and then go drink a couple cups available Ayahuasca and see if Ayahuasca agrees with you you know like it like it's uh there's a I'm I'm held accountable to the truth and it's not just the medicine now the medicine lives in me right I've consumed it and that Consciousness is within me so I can't allow anything that that I that I need to take ownership for to exist and and then sometimes that'll come up in the past I mean I think as my Consciousness evolves different levels of I'm sorry are elicited from me I mean I think over the past three years you know being with philana and having separated from Whitney there was probably a dozen or two dozen times where there was a new I'm sorry that came out because I actually could see it from a different level of Consciousness now and
I mean she's like all right man like we split up like you know like I think she appreciated it and I think she's still working through her own you know with her own process with that and it's our own process of of feeling any grievances we've had and but you know I just try to do my best to own to own my fault and mistakes in it and um and that's an evolving process but I am held accountable to this idea of no no I like I have to I have to be honest and I have to be real and I have to own it and it doesn't make me less than to admit any of these things it that's that's the way that actually makes you more than to be able to be that and sometimes just that have the humility to be like yeah I was an idiot or I was I made a mistake or all of these things and not and then not pile on a bunch of shame on yourself either to just know that you're in an evolutionary process and through that evolutionary process when you evolve you're going to be able to look back at your old self and be like damn you could have been a lot better it's amazing how there's almost this mental conversation I have sometimes when I'm when I when I'm in that state of conflict with my partner and my ego's there and my ego's saying oh you're right and then the other voice somehow wins out and says he [ __ ] up you know you reacted badly there you should just go and apologize and I did this the other day with her where we had a bit of a disagreement about something and you know a couple of hours passes maybe 12 hours or something passes I realize I [ __ ] up I picked myself up and I walk over to her and I just said you know from yesterday I just want to say I'm really sorry because in reflection my reaction was not good there and it didn't make sense and I realized it hurt you etc etc and I'm really sorry about that I wish I'd reacted differently in hindsight and upon looking at my behavior I realized why I reacted in that way and like it's not good enough the minute the words came out of my mouth it was like a weight I just lifted yeah it was like my ego had been fired I felt great yeah the pressure I had on me up
until that point just evaporated and it's funny that I don't I don't get there quicker I'm getting I think I'm getting there quicker though if I zoom out on myself I go okay look at yourself over the last 10 years give yourself some credit but um yeah it's great it's it's all the work you've done do you still struggle with these things yes but they get smaller and smaller so at like you're talking about like the the time it takes you to go over there so maybe there was a time in your life where it wouldn't have been 12 hours maybe it would have been 12 days maybe it had been 12 months maybe actually never yeah you know right but now the time is shortening now you're in hours yeah then eventually you're gonna get into minutes and then from minutes you're gonna get almost to real time almost to revealed and then maybe one point you'll touch real time where you're really actually seeing I don't know I'm I'm not in real time you know but I'm definitely in the minutes category you know I mean I remember the last little Conflict by Lana and I had actually involved this painted fingernail I'll tell I'll tell this story so uh I was really we're in Miami I'm really hot we have these big kind of wooden backed uh lounge chairs and I'm ready to go upstairs and I'm like babe I'm super hot I'm like thirsty I'm ready to go up she's like uh you sure you don't want to tan your back a little bit and I'm like am I back are you trying to say my tan is uneven is like that bother you and as I went to this whole thing and I was like all right fine I'll tan my back for you I guess if that's important to you well so that's what was going through my head so I flipped the latch on the thing so I could lay flat down because I was laying with my back up the thing comes and smashes my finger just like smashes like crushes my fingernail right between the way that the back of the chair was falling and it's just searing pain and I'm like get up and I want to like scream and hit something because it hurts so bad and I couldn't disambiguate the feeling of pain with my frustration that she was the one who wanted me to stay there and if she didn't want me to stay there I wouldn't have smashed my
[ __ ] finger and so and then I'm like in there and I'm like kind of fuming and she's like are you mad at me I'm like no I'm not mad at you because I knew logically that I wasn't mad at her right but like my whole energy was like yeah I'm [ __ ] mad at you when I was like why did you ask me to tan my back she was like oh actually I just wanted to stay you know it took her a moment but eventually it was like actually she just wanted to stay herself and that came out of her mouth in that way and then I took it as like some kind of [ __ ] critique of my tan gradient you know and uh and ultimately but we got in this little conflict in in the conflict escalated because we're in the in the heat of this kind of emotion and she kind of she kind of walked she was like I'm going to the gym I was like all right and like I took like three you know three minutes four minutes I don't know maybe five minutes whatever and then I just sent her a long text and I went through every different situation every different aspect of it from the first moment acknowledging I wasn't able to disambiguate the pain from my anger to her that I misunderstood what she was saying about my back and that was actually just her way of saying I want to stay longer and I projected that she was critiquing me but that wasn't actually the case and I didn't you know like all of this thing and then then I responded poorly in this comment and this and then I said however how you responded here here here here you know does not feel in alignment with ethos of our relationship so it's like this whole bullet pointed long long message and I sent that to her and I was like all right that's the truth of it and then she receives that she comes back and she's like all right you know like I acknowledge these different things you know and now here's how we can get better from this and then pretty soon you know within about 15 minutes after that we were just we looked at each other and I was like we're kind of dramatic aren't we and we just started laughing and it was over you know and so that process just gets quicker and quicker and quicker and quicker and that's the that's the that's the way of it is just to shorten the amount of time
that you stay out of consciousness all of that requires a level of vulnerability that a lot of people um still find very uncomfortable especially men in my in my um in my experience we um we actually made something to help our listeners cool become a little bit more vulnerable and these are these question cards they're actually taken from this diary so every time we have a guest here they write a question for the next guest there's been one left for you in there as well so we took all of the questions as you can see here cool we put them on these playing cards so people can play at home there's about 70 of them I've just selected a bunch of random ones for you here and I'm gonna just lay them out in front of you and if you could just pick one all right and then answer the question whichever one you feel called to this is like an oracle deck yeah on the back it has a QR code where you can see you can scan it to see the person that answered the question as well here we go is there something right now that you know you're doing wrong but you haven't fixed yet if so how will you get unstuck um well I don't like the word wrong because the way that I look at my trajectory is the trajectory of evolution so if I'm doing it it must mean that I needed to do that in order to learn how to evolve from it however I understand the point of the question outside of the semantics which are important you know because I think we can put ourselves in wrong right good bad in this very polarized idea so in the evolution of Aubry where am I still stuck where have I not actually gotten to the place where I want to be as who I know I can be and it's the Reliance on stimulants to keep me alert and it's okay that I like my coffee and I like my nicotine and I like you know Kratom sometimes or whatever but there's a kind of Reliance to go up you know and then there's a Reliance to go down and I still have you know sleep medication that I take and I know it's not good for me like particularly the sleep medication like I'm kind of okay with the caffeine and the nicotine I could probably like maybe
fast from it for a little while um I don't smoke cigarettes or anything but whether it's a cigar or whether it's a you know a nicotine pouch or something like that so that one feels like yeah there's a little cleaning up to do but but it's not really it's not really like damaging me in a fundamental way but the Sleep meds I think are and they're very sticky because I get in this Loop where let's take today for example last night I fly into the hotel I'm kind of Juiced you know I'm here in Hollywood there's lots of sounds lots of noises and I'm in a new hotel It's pretty dope and I'm just not sleepy you know watch a cool movie and I got a big podcast today and I got some other stuff I need to do during the day so could I have fallen asleep without the Sleep meds yes eventually I could have but that would have come at a cost to this podcast and then that would have come to cost to the listeners and then so I get in this trap of well I can't do it today I got this thing to do so then I'll reach for the Sleep meds and I'll take them and I know that those are deleterious to my health so I'm kind of stuck in this position where I'm not giving myself the time where I don't have any obligations or any anything that I want to offer the world where I can really phase out of all of this and even when I do because I have phased out of it for all of my Ayahuasca Journeys I have to get off everything and I'm able to do it and I'm like this time it's going to stick and then I'll get that one night the night before a podcast or a night before I have a bunch of things to do and I just can't sleep in that old the old sleep mat in the drawer I'm flush them down the toilet whatever but then I'll find another one or whatever I'll figure it out it starts calling and it's like listen like you know the solution just pop this bottle and you'll go to sleep and you'll be able to do what you need to do tomorrow and that Voice keeps me stuck I'm like stuck in this limbo and I can't stay stuck there forever so what I need to do so part of that question is like what do I need to do to get unstuck
I'm gonna need to give myself the space to really allow my neurochemistry to reset and also probably have to holistically change my mindset to say I have to look at the whole Arc of my life in all of the conversations I have and everything that I'm going to do as more important than any individual thing and say for the whole Arc of my whole life I have to get my neurochemistry and everything back in alignment so that I don't rely on these other chemicals to help me fall asleep and so it's a it's a holistic mindset shift and also a period because it's going to be Rocky in that period where I just push out all of my obligations everything that I need to do and I keep threatening to do it and I just haven't made the space to do it I haven't prioritized it enough but that must happen it must happen and it's just a matter of me doing it and and I pray and I believe and I trust that I'll do it before the universe makes me do it by having some accumulation of the you know negative effects of the medication I'm taking Etc like they'll if you don't listen when it's time you'll have to listen like the universal make you listen so I'm going to listen before the universe makes me listen that key step though of awareness is you've clearly you're clearly very aware and that's what you know when I think about helping my friends or I look at my friend situations when they're struggling with something that first step of really being aware of it like you even know that it's a voice that calls you to the draw um which means you know from my observation that I also fully feel like you've done much of the hard work already by just admitting it to yourself yep you know because this because of the cognitive dissonance so many people would justify it away or or you know make other excuses to make it okay but you've you've confronted that yeah and it's funny because you've confronted it even in the at the expense of how it might make you look and you're willing to say it out loud as well that's amazing in that story I also sort through line to what you're doing with
fit for service for anybody that doesn't isn't aware of what you're working out with fit for service what is it and um how can one get involved and if they are to get involved what you hope they take from it it's really the technology of healing and transforming through Community you know so that's really what we're doing is yeah there's a lot of there's coaching and there's teaching of different things but we're going through an initiatory explorative practices now we don't do psychedelic medicine as far as the things you take but we do do all the Psychedelic practices from you know shamanic breath work which is incredibly powerful you know many facilitators deep deep breathing huge emotional catharsis ecstatic dance you know Vision quests out on the land or you know wanders out of the land Vision quests are again longer sometimes um you know Temescal inepi sweat lodges you know by the First Nations people all of these different initiations and then communication technology initiations from circling techniques which teach you how to communicate with each other to helping to collectively process archetypal grief you know masculine grief and feminine grief and using those Dynamics to help elicit the strongest healing but in the process of doing that altogether deep bonds are formed and we have a survey that goes out to anybody who's been to you know at least two of our events and we say did you meet somebody in fit for service that you know will be your friend for the rest of your life 100 say yes and so we're building yes there's the greater fit for service tribe where there's a lot of it's a beautiful Rich Community but the bonds that are formed with those people that maybe you did that one eye gazing exercise with and you started crying because you could see yourself and that other person or you were there with them in that one breath work that was so intense and the wind was whipping and everybody was screaming and there was three exorcisms happening simultaneously and it was [ __ ] wild like those experiences then bring a bond together and you start to learn that actually going through these these difficult things together will actually you know form
relationships and help you heal and help you grow and it's such a beautiful process to continue to watch this happen you know with so many different people from so many different places you know and um it's really inspiring to see people willing to because in some ways as we were talking about nobody wants to mine in some ways you do expose yourself to your own Darkness willingly by going into a breath work or going into an Iowa or going into these things but you know that you're fully supported and it's with full intention so in that way we are actually going into the darkness to to illuminate the light and uh and just doing that together and it's been it's been really incredible it doesn't feel it doesn't feel at all like like work it feels like I would do this and and actually last year we switched to a donation model because we thought like this is the way to do it we lost so much money that we can't do that anymore but nonetheless like so I basically worked all last year at a huge financial loss and and offered all of these different Summits and Festival all of this stuff and it was still worth it I wouldn't I wouldn't have changed it now of course it's fundamentally unsustainable to do it that way but nonetheless like it's what I like it's one of the things I really love to do and all of our coaches feel that way and it also draws in some incredible people that we get to learn from other Master coaches and other you know inspiring medicine people who kind of carry a transmission that we learn from so it's it's kind of like a a little moment where we get to be in our own little Jedi school and just evolving our our own internal psychic and an emotional and a physical technology I watch the um video on your website fit for service.com and it looked um I don't know so sometimes just observing clip or a trailer can make you feel a certain sense of warmth and connectedness and that's what I got I felt like a big group of friends that had gone out to like the desert somewhere and were connecting at a much deeper level than you ordinarily see in that kind of like retreat or event or whatever so I felt really compelled to be involved I guess so um I think
everybody should go check it out just go watch the video and go go see see if it's calling you because I think um there'll be a lot of people out there that will realize just from watching that video that it's right for them yeah we do have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest asks a question for the next guest see what has been left for you oh okay oh interesting I actually don't get to see the question before we open the book but um this is a good one who is someone you need to forgive and then there's another line which is who is someone you need to forgive and have not which I think guess is the same thing but huh you know forgiveness is an interesting thing because it's a it's a spectrum there's yeah I forgive you but do you but do you really though are you still kind of holding on are you saying the words and are you there true forgiveness is the place of love that sees no that sees no wrong right it like it doesn't even actually register that there was a wrong there like that's the zero state of absolute forgiveness is to get to a place of what grievance what did you do what remind me again because I don't see it because kind of how I told this story about my dad you know the way he yelled at me like I've seen so clearly I've seen so clearly that it gave me a superpower that I'm able to be an absolute forgiveness of that absolute forgiveness of that in when I get to that place where I've seen and would never have traded it for anything I wouldn't have changed it one bit right when I can get to that place where I wouldn't have changed a thing that's where real forgiveness is it's like if they're like I'm sorry I'd be like for what thank you I mean like I see how this benefited my life so that level of forgiveness it takes the time to get there so there
are actually many places where I am in The evolutionary process of getting to that but maybe I don't quite fully understand what that has given me yet so somebody's done something and I haven't quite I haven't quite worked that into my in the way that I can say like all right this was for the best if I had to say I would have to say the the governments of the world right now I don't think I've fully forgiven them and the collusion what I've seen between the collusion between media and politics and you know big Pharma and big big war and this whole construct of Empire some part of me says like all right the two like if we take the lord of rings analogy The Two Towers need to rise so that the Fellowship of the Ring comes together and that's what gets the Elves and the dwarves to get along with the with the hobbits and the and all and the Wizards and the humans and everybody comes together and it's necessary for the two towers to be to be built and to try and push their Darkness on the world so that the fellowship will come but there's been so much pain and so much loss and so much unnecessary suffering and so much unnecessary fear and it's hard to get to the point where I can say like yeah I wouldn't change a thing with that because so I guess it's you know forgiving Empire and and I use Empire to be that whole construct of that kind of top-down manipulative dystopian control that we've you know everybody has their own little Oculus to whatever part of that they see and I'm not trying to push my own view of that but I think we can all feel that there's a force out there that's not in our best interests as Sovereign beings have I forgiven that force not quite yet not quite yet but maybe when the full Fellowship comes together and we have all of the out because I start I'm starting to see that happen like all of the Allies are forming this lattice work this network that's now becoming more available because because of the
pressure of the force of Empire but until that fully actually crystallizes it and it works I don't think I'll be I'm not able to forgive Empire yet Aubry thank you um you're the type of person that I love to speak to because there's I feel like there's no question you wouldn't answer and the most difficult questions but also you take a pause to answer the questions head on and um your story of of personal transformation and transition through various chapters in your life and ego death and all you've been through you speak to it with such vulnerability and openness and honesty so anybody that's in a different phase or chapter of their journey to where you know you've found yourself today I think they have the honest road map on how to progress forward and that's the most inspiring powerful thing and you know it's not often you get to sit with someone who's had such tremendous business success that can also Analyze That from sort of a meta perspective and it's now doing work that's tremendously spiritually aligned um with a new refreshing take on um what their mission should be and in your case it's as you've said not just any more about you it's much more about um the broader Global community in your tribe so thank you so much for this conversation today it's been an honor to me and spend time with you I feel Freer I feel inspired I feel I feel more powerful for it um and I hope we can have it again once the goblins and the Lord of the Rings let's get all the characters again I've never seen Lord of the Rings so I guess it's happening here we are here we go another ladder another another connection another node in Ninja's net was formed sorry Empire it's happening Aubry thank you you're welcome brother thank you [Music] quick one as you guys know we're lucky enough to have blue jeans as a sponsor and supporter of this podcast for anyone that doesn't know blue jeans is an online video conferencing tool that allows you to have slick fast good quality online meetings without any of those glitches that you'd normally find
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