Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSWvtGdmUA4
it is a Paramount importance that I find separation between me and the Persona of Stevo why we have to go back to the beginning of my journey I didn't get attention from my parents my dad was a businessman and my mom suffered from alcoholism my father would Praise You for stunts diving head first for baseballs and he'd give one dollar I don't think you have to be Sigmund Freud to imagine that had something to do with the coming and attention [ __ ] that was when I started doing dangerous stunts I'm Stevo and this is the fish hook why stunts growing up I felt defective and the thought was I wasn't gonna live very long so I was lashing out at death taunting it but I lost my mom in 2003 and that traumatized me more than anything I'm out of control broadcasting my downward spiral it's a 200 influential people in real time you were man handled into a psych wood yeah this was gonna be my legacy and having miserably failed at life and the toughest thing is that I wanted to make my mom proud Stephen Gilchrist Glover AKA Stevo honesty honesty saved Stevo's life but the man that sits in front of me today isn't Stevo it is Stephen Gilchrist Glover which is a man you've probably never met before but once you meet Stephen Gilchrist Glover you'll undoubtedly understand Stevo that guy that we grew up with on our screens doing those crazy jackass stunts that behind the scenes struggled with a deep discomfort of being in his own skin depression drug addiction existential panic and obsession with attention crippling grief and most surprisingly and paradoxically of all a deep deep fear of death it absolutely doesn't appear to make sense but once you listen to this conversation if you listen closely you'll understand exactly why that's driving him this conversation will make you laugh it will inspire you it will motivate you it will challenge you it will make you feel understood and it will teach you what it takes and what it means to live a good life including the role that romantic love has played in Stevo finally living a good life and for me it reaffirms to me once again that in order to live that good life in order to find that good life we need to surrender stop fighting life
and we need to be honest and once we are we might just find all of the things that we're looking for you're gonna love this one [Music] Stephen [Music] all right you've lived a anomalous life the man that sits before me today is an anomaly in many respects the professional path you've walked is extraordinary to say the least in order to understand you what do I need to understand about your your earliest context to understand who you are and why you walk to the path you did in your life what's the first sort of domino that that I need to understand I would point to my uh lineage my mom's side of the family is uh like the whole family tree every leaf on the tree suffered from alcoholism some form of addiction um and then at the same time Barry uh personable um charismatic individuals but just very alcoholic and a lot of deviants then my dad's side of the family is uh super academic um there's a lot of theologians clergy men everybody's got at least like a master's degree or a PhD or you know highly decorated Academia and my dad broke the mold by becoming a businessman um so I just kind of think that I am a little bit of a hybrid of both in that I definitely went towards deviance and suffered from alcoholism but I had this rocket engine on it from my dad's side of the family and as I've grown older I think my uh I'm I'm kind of manifest my dad's side more than my mom's side before we start recording I said that one of the things that really surprised me was sat in London now was to learn that you were born in London back in 1974 yeah born in Wimbledon um which makes me British my mother was born in Canada which makes
me Canadian and my father was born in America which makes me American I'm what you call Triple National and I hold three valid passports I'm very jealous it's cool like having the keys to the to the world in many respects how did that impact you though because you told me that you were you born here your first words was in Portuguese in Brazil and you're in Venezuela then Canada then the USA as a young child that's figuring out the world and figuring out where he belongs and making friends how does that sort of destabilization impact impact you in hindsight I don't think you have to be Sigmund Freud to imagine that uh that had something to do with me becoming an attention [ __ ] and um I think that it's actually exacerbated by the fact that when I moved to Brazil at the age of six months um I moved to Brazil because my father became the president of Pepsi Cola in all of Brazil and it was just kind of living it up you know I think that's the best way to describe it and I didn't get much attention from my parents I was actually raised by living Maids which is why I spoke my first words in Portuguese so I think I was lacking for some attention from my parents and I think that that has something to do plus the instability and and always being the new kid in school it was I never stayed one place for more than a couple years um so yeah I uh I I point to that for why I became such an attention [ __ ] the the contacts that you you raised in your mother's at home your dad's very very busy very successful businessman by all accounts yeah not just busy but traveling okay my dad was consistently gone I would argue that he was gone more than he was home and and mom was drunk um a lot so I had um not just uh lacking attention but lacking supervision a lot of the time too
in 2023 we've learned a lot about addiction and alcoholism and those kinds of things but I I imagine I mean I wasn't alive then but back in 1974 people didn't understand that behavior as clearly as they do now did you understand your mother's behavior when you were young did you understand her relationship with alcohol was a uh an unhealthy thing or an addiction I think so yeah um I think so because I remember um she would have these these binges drinking um where it it wouldn't be the case that my mom would get drunk at night and then wake up and you know have a hangover and and then get drunk again the next night it was more of a case where she would stay drunk for for days or weeks on end how old sorry oh um like it got really pretty crazy I would say when I was about eight certainly when I was nine it was it was terrible and um whenever my mom would would sober up from one of her binges she would swear that she was never gonna drink again and invariably she would and and I I say this because I think I really really understood the concept of the disease of alcoholism very well because when I would come home from school and find that my mom was drinking I would I would say to her you know Mommy said you were never going to do this again and she would explain to me that this time it was going to be different this time she was only going to have a couple and I remember knowing that that was not the case and that's kind of the the reality of alcoholism is that the alcoholic once they start drinking they cannot stop they've lost control and and that it's it's a characteristic of alcoholics the idea that that they the illusion that one day they're gonna control and enjoy their drinking and and uh and they pursue this illusion the into the gates of insanity or death that's that's uh how it's described and I understood that so I knew if mom had one drink I knew that all bets were off for days or weeks you know you talked about lineage like yeah the family line yeah what is what
is that then is that is that a predisposition is that a genetic predisposition your viewer is that a a a generational trauma you know did you have you ever figured out what causes that I understand there to be a genetic component to the alcoholism um I don't know that it really matters um as much like like why one becomes alcoholic but um certainly as I said on my mom's side of the the family it never skipped a generation I mean it got everybody and then sanity of it I mean one could really describe it as as a mental illness I mean they they do say it's a disease that's centered in the mind um for me to see and experience what I did as a child like just how how awful it got and then for me to just pick up a drink is is so is so insane I mean if if anybody should have known better it should have been me and I remember at the time like 16 years old when I when I started drinking regularly I just uh convinced myself that what would make me different is that I was gonna enjoy it I was gonna where I was gonna party and uh it's just insanity but that that speaks to the nature of the addiction and the disease though because people's people that are outside of that situation might see it as um self-destructive but clearly you know clearly it's it can't be that it's clearly something else because you saw how destructive it was right and yet it's still through no choice you made to an intention you made it it managed to to find you later in life did what your father in this context is he aware that your mother's has this disease of addiction with alcohol um Mom would really do her best to get her act together by the time Dad got home from his business trips um and with very little success I would say when Dad would get back Mom would describe that that she was ill
and and and dad would believe it a lot of the time I think Dad I mean yeah he knew but uh but the extent of it and um how naive he was to to believe that Mom just wasn't feeling well or did he did he I don't know I mean we we would describe it as rose-colored glasses um I don't know and and perhaps dad was just so focused on his stuff that man I don't even know it would be crazy to not know but somehow I believe that my dad was particularly naive or or gullible or I I'm not sure but sometimes I think men have a predisposition to avoid conflict yeah and to opt for an easy life right I think that that that's probably Fair too but man it's um it makes me really sad that uh that that I lost my mom yeah I lost my mom in in 2003. um November of 2003 and um I just like I think had we both um been in recovery I don't think anybody from my mom's side of the family ever managed to achieve long-term sobriety I think I'm the first and it's just I fantasize about what it would be like to from my mom and I to have both gotten you know gotten it well like what our relationship would be like she would get such a kick out of it I think that she would have gotten such a kick out of um me being successful and she didn't get to see it you know she never well because jackass had just started to move at that point hadn't it well the thing was that her last five years she um was the terribly disabled both physically and mentally because in 1998 she suffered an aneurysm which let which yeah it um rendered her very very disabled so the last five years it she didn't
she had a really rough last five years and and that um traumatized me more than anything she developed bed sores she uh cried in pain for for her last five years it was the most upsetting the more the by far the most traumatized I've ever been by anything was the situation that my mom was in for her last five years and um yeah and it's all because of this this uh this thing this alcoholism and and had again like had she been been in recovery had that not happened had like we I just again I fantasized about what our relationship might be like today but yeah that started us off on a bummer yeah yeah it's it's really interesting context though specifically this you know you said the thing about attention and seeking attention from um in a variety of different ways because you were destabilized in terms of your school early schooling life your father's not present I I read that you'd said that um you wanted your father's approval and as a child your father would Praise You for physical stunts such as yeah diving head first um for baseballs or doing push-ups for your fathers and his friends I would do a hundred push-ups in a row for his buddies and he'd give me like one dollar and that everybody got a kick out of that I love doing it and uh I don't think they were terribly impressive push-ups because hundreds a lot but um but yeah I I was a little bit of a of a performer at my dad's best I think there's This Thing Called Love Languages have you ever seen it before have you ever done the love languages test thing no it's this thing you do online and I think it's pretty telling I'm not into like pseudo [ __ ] whatever but I think it's pretty telling and it basically you answer these like 30 40 questions and it tells you the language of love that you have so some people are
words of affirmation that's how they kind of show and receive love some people are physical touch some people are little acts of service some people are gifts for example and it was making me when I was reading that in your in your book I was thinking about how like that can become a love language for us and it's funny because then I skipped to this moment later in your story where you had a heartbreak and the way that you responded to the Heartbreak to try and get attention was by doing stunts yeah and I just saw this connection there and I thought you know it's interesting some of our love languages can be like stunts or sure or other forms of like validation uh-huh it's an interesting take on it I remember um at the point when I had the Heartbreak and that was when I when I really started doing dangerous stunts um it was less for well yeah it was for attention and I wanted this this girl who had dumped me to uh to be worried that I would die I got I mean it's crazy but yeah I was like I was jumping off rooftops into pools and and you know climbing off of like just huge balconies and stuff and um and sending her the videos or just posting them questions um at the time there was no such thing as sending videos without going to the post office but yeah I would send her in amount of videos from the post-ops I would mail them to her like once a year and and the videos genuinely did get ratter and ratter yeah each new installment it was uh it was yeah it was crazy if I'd asked you when you were a young man in your teenagers what are you going to be when you grow up what would you have responded ah man the first actual thought I had for a career to pursue was um one in advertising you know um my father had won a video camera in a golf tournament and I stole it from his closet and began videotaping my skateboarding with my buddies and I learned how to edit by plugging these video cassette recorders
together and I would hit play on one and record on the other to just record the good bits and and it was crude editing not sophisticated um but uh I fell in love with the process and clearly I wasn't that great at skateboarding so um I just thought there's something about this uh capturing video and then editing it to you know I mean create presentations and ultimately to manipulate the video to create influence you know there was just something really magical and Powerful about that and um I I thought that that would be a great career for me and so I went off to the University of Miami to pursue that but I just had trouble making it to class so I had graduating from University was not in the cards and I I knew I still loved the video camera and you know manipulating images to to sway people one way or the other and um I decided that since I wasn't that great at skateboarding that I would do crazy stunts and so I literally dropped out of University in 1993. to pursue a career as a crazy famous stunt man and there was no precedent at the time everybody who I explained that plan to legitimately felt sorry for me like what a tragic loser I I seemed to be and they weren't wrong for the first uh three years after I left the University of Miami I was genuinely homeless I was um more of a couch Surfer than in a a guy living on the streets um but yeah I had no home man and um I was not doing well quick one before we get back to this episode just give me 30 seconds of your time two things I wanted to say the first thing is a huge thank you for listening and tuning in to the show week after week means the world to all of us and this really is a dream that we absolutely never had and couldn't have imagined getting to this place secondly it's a dream where we feel like we're only just getting started and if you enjoy what we do here please join
the 24 of people who watch this channel regularly and have hit the Subscribe button means more than I can say and if you hit that subscribe button here's a promise I'm going to make to you I'm going to do everything in my power to make this show as good as I can now and into the future we're going to deliver the guests that you want me to speak to and we're going to continue to keep doing all of the things you love about the show thank you thank you so much back to the episode there's so many things that I want to ask this question because I just really want to hear it in your own words which is like and I'm trying to maybe piece it together using some connected dots but why stunts I have a theory that um the the The Human Condition is one of uh a real catch 22. we've got one instinct which is to survive and one guarantee which is we won't survive and and I view the Human Experience largely as an exercise to come to terms with our mortality to wrap our heads around it to become to come to peace with it and um I I view the different ways that people do that um you know there's there's reproduction we have children so then I think that eases people's mind about their mortality because they're they have a legacy living on with their children that they won't really be dead then of course people turn to religion because they think everything's gonna be great when they go to heaven and and then there's people who leave stuff behind to outlive them you know like cavemen scrawling stick figures on the on the cave it it seems that they were just like I described really upset about their mortality and and leaving this art on the cave walls to outlive them because I had failed in in the university the way the way I did I mean I failed every which way that you can and every attempt that I had ever had to be employed ended in disaster I was fired from literally every job that I ever had so not being able to make it through school or keep a job I felt absolutely just not qualified to navigate the world I I
believed that I was going to fail at life like badly and and quickly and um I think that this idea that that I would that I believed that I was just gonna fail at life and die very young I think that it heightened my my mortality issues because even though you know I was I was young but like man I think I was somehow angry at the idea of of death and and my theory is that I was uh I was lashing out at death by by climbing off of balconies and and just dangling from my hands off like 12 stories and then letting go and dropping onto the balcony below like that was totally life-threatening especially how intoxicated I was while doing that and um you know I'd like like I said I wanted that girl who dumped me to think I was gonna die like there was this this this idea of mortality was was very woven into all of uh the art and so I think that I would I was I was upset about mortality and and lashing out at it I was mocking death taunting it why you because that is I understand at a certain level we all probably have that relationship with our mortality but you seem to more than anyone I've ever spoken to have had a more close and adverse relationship with the concept of mortality the concept of death like you seem to the way the way that I'd word it plainly is like you seem to have the biggest problem with death then anyone I've met all right why um I think about it and I've always thought about it since you were young I'd say so yeah I would I would absolutely say that I I seem to recall being quite Young I I wouldn't know an age but quite young and and being in the bathtub just for some reason I was thinking about it's going to be the year 2000 and and like we weren't really anywhere near the year 2000 um but just kind of doing math in my head trying to calculate how old I would be at the turn of the millennium and I came to uh
25 I'll be 25 years old and and the thought was I'll never live that long no I'll never make it that way that um and then again I don't know how old I was but I was definitely a child when I had that thought and um and and the the older I got the more convinced I was and that that um I wasn't gonna live very long and and perhaps you know that's you know another manifestation of of my alcoholism but I think that I think that really to describe alcohol alcoholism there's there's a like I felt defective you know I felt like there was just something wrong with me that uh things weren't gonna work you know and I think that that that to some extent is a a characteristic of alcoholism for a lot of Alcoholics I feel like just uncomfortable in your own skin they describe it as Restless irritable and discontented um defective is a word that really resonates with me does that ever subside oh tough one because um I don't think so I mean to an extent yeah I I'm definitely better with all that now like what but at the same time it doesn't go away I think that it it improves and and you know fluctuates and but um what doesn't go away is this this default setting I have that everything's not going to be okay you know I live in this Perpetual state of of terrible anxiety and stress that just things are not going to be okay and I've got to just hurry up and frantically work and hustle to try to make it so everything will be okay I'm not surprised to hear that because it is the story I've heard over and over and over and over and over again okay okay yeah and it surprises me because when before I started doing this podcast and having these conversations I assumed that you know something you know have a certain upbringing childhood you're programmed in a certain way you go to
therapy and it's fixed yeah and it's actually been I've I asked the question purely because I've never heard anyone say anything other than what you've said right so you know and I think it's actually helpful because it helps people know that they're not their their efforts to heal in whatever context that they've tried to heal um doesn't make them inadequate it makes them very much human that you know the way that we're we're programmed in hardwired because of whatever reasons you know it is um it is it is not something that is easy or in many cases possible just a therapy away or to prescription away and I think that makes people a lot of people feel better and and what's crazy too is that I think and I'm fascinated that they said this is something they've heard many times and I've never not heard it right um and and I would also guess that for all of the the successful people that you've spoken with that they would describe having been much more at peace much much more Serenity much more happiness before they were successful yeah yeah and um and it's so counter-intuitive to imagine that that's the case but um there's one saying that I think really explains it to a degree which is that this is the saying um a man who has nothing only has to worry about his next meal but a man who has everything worries about his last meal yes and that that messaged me up man that messes me up big time because if you're just focused on the next meal then you're in the moment life's you know pretty pretty simple it's not too much of a task to to accomplish finding your next meal but once you've got your next meal covered and then it's like all right and then I've I've saved up some money my I'm good my next meals are set for the for the next year and but then now you're thinking how long am I set for and once you start thinking how long am I set for that then life gets really scary when because you're not in the moment and you're you're future tripping and
everything isn't going to be okay and then and and what's even crazier is that I understand that there's been studies about um Financial Security and it's people who have upwards of 10 million dollars net worth who who find themselves feeling considerably more financially insecure than than anybody who has less the more money you have the more financially insecure you feel the study that I read about this it says that um they interviewed people all the way up the wealth income spectrum and they asked them the question how much money how um how happy you out of 10 and then they ask them the second question which is how much money would you need to be 10 out of 10 happy and all the way up the wealth Spectrum people said three times currently what they have now so millionaires said they needed three million people with 10 million said they needed 30 to be a 10 out of 10 happiness and people with 100 cases they needed 300K which speaks to this sort of like hedonic endless treadmill and increasing anxiety right and and um also studies are pretty clear that um happiness will increase up to okay based on it's like 75k yes household yeah I think that that number is just going up with inflation I understood it to be like sixty thousand sixty thousand a year and then you've got all of your needs met and then after that more money doesn't really equate to more happiness and also to your point about the the Panic of like losing it I think that's a an issue for people that came from nothing predominantly so if you've always had this Financial Security growing up and you're you're you know you were I don't know extremely wealthy or and you've been wealthy I think people tend to have less of a fear of going of losing it all and you also never seem to have the guilt I sit here with people and they speak to this success guilt they have I hear that a lot and it's typically people that have felt sleeping on a sofa that have the kind of even when they become successful they feel like they don't deserve it to some degree and I've read that a little bit in your story in your book right it's
interesting because I I grew up very privileged you know my uh my my father didn't grow up with privilege as I said he broke the mold becoming a businessman it became like my mom didn't marry a rich guy my Mom married a motivated guy who who became quite wealthy um I had privileged guilt when I was a kid I was I was like quite ashamed of um of how wealthy my parents were sure and and I don't understand why that is but um in whose eyes and like I I I was uh self-conscious about about um how my peers viewed me at school um As I Grew Older the the homes that we lived in each move to each you know represented a bigger house you know it became a little bit obnoxious but by the end um when I was uh attending High School um here in London I went to the American school in St johnswood and I lived directly across the street from Regents Park on Prince Albert Road oh wow in this I mean it was a just gaudy obnoxiously huge house and um I never wanted kids from school to see it so um I uh you know then we would have like overnight when you're a kid I wouldn't have kids spend the night at my house I was always overnighted at someone else's house and um for me to ride my skateboard to to school you know took a certain amount of time and if I if I would oversleep I would ride with my dad my dad was chauffeur driven to work and and he would uh be reading his newspaper in the back seat and and whenever I overslept and I had to ride with my dad the chauffeur would pull up to the school and as I got out of the car I would hug the chauffeur yeah like just trying to create the impression that I was just embarrassed my dad was in the back seat like uh being chauffeured around I I don't know what that is um wanting to fit in is every I was the opposite okay in every respect no one came to my house because it was like it was the windows were smashed and the
grass was six foot high um so everything you described was me but the opposite for opposite reasons I would pray that the traffic lights near our school would stop go turn red which meant that I could get out of the like this beat up Van we drove in as far from school as possible yeah where's your hug in the show right it's really interesting too like I I went to a super privileged school too I mean like uh I attended school with the son of the American ambassador to to the UK like I was like my my best friend was this kid Abdullah his father was like a crazy like oil tycoon and uh when I when I when I was in for me fifth and sixth grade I was in London England at that time too same school and my father was I'm not even quite sure what his job position was but the word for Del Monte the canned fruits and he had to um uh you know like the all the pie there's a pineapple Factory in Kenya that had had to go visit this pineapple Factory I want to say maybe once a year and so he planned the trip his trip to the pineapple Factory in Kenya to coincide with uh our our spring break the one week off from from school so that he could take the family on Safari and I have this crazy memory of coming out of the airport in Nairobi being ushered into some chauffeur-driven car I was remembered as a stretch limo my dad says no we didn't have it but whatever ushered into a chauffeur-driven car out of the airport and um and it's sitting in the back of this car and these these just it was my first time seeing poverty like real poverty and these people were were clawing at the windows begging and I'm just sitting in this car and and just thinking what did I ever do to deserve to be like I'm not a good kid you know like I I'm just always in trouble like I don't do just like again feeling defective you know like and it was I really wasn't a good kid I mean I was always in trouble everything was just a disaster with me and here I am inside the car that's being clawed at by these people who are barely clothed you
know and just clearly desperate and um that like that was a moment where I felt genuinely guilty you know I had a priv privileged guilt you know and that's that's worse than success guilt because you know and again I did everything wrong I was always in trouble got terrible grades and my sister who was who is three and a half years older than me she did everything right got straight A's the the just did everything perfect somehow uh along the way like my like my sister um went into a low earning career she was a school teacher which is notoriously underpaid especially for how important of a job that is um with the singer became a single mom with uh special needs kid and and low earning and then like struggles you know like like life is hard for my sister and and like somehow me the guy who just did everything wrong and then goes on to have this stupid career and everything works out great for me so when you said success guilt I feel that I feel like like what why you know why did everything work out great for me and my sister's having a tough time and I struggle with that too I actually um I uh I I I have it I've always called it kind of survivor's guilt but but yeah success guilt same thing you your mother had a brain aneurysm in 98. you said um Jackass the pilot was in 99 yep a year later yeah you describe how your mother was ill for for roughly five years before she passed away and she was um just disabled you're very busy with jackass at that time how do you do you deal did you did you cope with it because it doesn't seem to me that there's any anyone in your life really at that point or any experience that's going to help you deal with the concept of grief and loss right how did you cope with it if you did it all um my parents divorced in 1991. I graduated from the American School here in London the American School in London and St John's word in 1992 I went off to the University of Miami um the right around the time when I went
to the University of Miami my mom moved to Florida as well then on that fateful day of October 10th 1998 we received word that mom had this brain aneurysm my sister and I flew to Florida from New Mexico my dad flew to Florida from England we all congregated around this this crisis with my mom at one point we went to a nearby restaurant to get a meal I went outside to smoke a cigarette and my dad came outside and initiated his conversation he says I've been I want to tell you that I feel I've done a disservice to you by not supporting you in this path that you've chosen my my path to be a crazy famous stunt man he said I said I chose a path that my father you know dad broke the mold becoming a businessman the idea of that was pretty repugnant to his father and and he said that his father had the same conversation if we chose something that I would not have chosen for you but you're clearly committed to it and so I just want you to be the best and you know be the happiest and I'd pledge to support you and I'm thinking man like it's tough because I'm a loser you know like the whole thing going on with my mom was It was kind of prevalent but this the side conversation like I just felt like wow you know like now dad supports me and I I I just did I didn't feel very very hopeful I don't think at that time but it put a lot of wind in my cells so the next year I saw this advert on television for a show called real TV where they're saying if you got if you have video home video footage that's crazy and you think that we should have it on our show then call this number and I called the number and sent them my videotape and they wanted it and uh and dad helped me negotiate the the license deal with them and uh and it was meaningful you know this pursuit of becoming a crazy famous stunt man had made my father and I as far apart as as you know it really really made us not our relationships suffer and then
ultimately it would bring us together and today my dad is 80 years old been retired forever but he's come out of retirement and he's on my payroll he uh manages like all kinds of uh business stuff for me all my insurance stuff like and um it's crazy it's Insanity that that that just again what what drove us so far apart brought us so close together and that Catalyst moment was your mother's brain aneurysm really it was that conversation might not have happened and then it it it was and now now you pointed to when jackass chart I wouldn't just well okay um my sister and I both moved from New Mexico to Florida to be with your mom to be with my mom yeah and my sister naturally assumed the role of of caregiver for my mom and um I got this opportunity to go uh be a circus clown on cruise ships and it just made sense for me to do that you know like um I think that my overall attitude in particularly like even going off to work on cruise ships and then with you know with with jackass I don't think that I had any level of like guilt about it I think that my my attitude about pursuing my own career and to be you know with jackass and everything else my attitude was that rather than let this aneurysm destroy everything that I've I've really strongly wanted to get out there and really make something of myself and that that would be the way to honor my mom more and and make my mom proud that way people doing and often appreciate how difficult it is for everybody around the individual that's that's sick and I've again I've learned that from doing this having this conversation about just how sort of debilitating and difficult it is for everyone around the individual especially when they're in a situation where they become disabled and your mother's situation was I mean she
she couldn't move from what I understood she wasn't necessarily speaking she was wheelchair-bound she had to be lifted out of bed and into a wheelchair and and back and could she could speak she could speak but there there it fluctuated how present she was how aware she was um one of the more aware moments I said Mom I'm gonna have a book written about my life and she uh she said and who's gonna write this masterpiece you know she was making fun of me and it was funny like uh the last time that um that my mom ever laughed was I came home um with the words [ __ ] and [ __ ] tattooed on my knuckles and Mom was in the hospital at that point with the do not resuscitate order on her bed like this was this was the end like is about a month before she passed and um I I walked into her hospital room and I just didn't you know it was just a tough situation I didn't and I just said hey Ma like check it out and I held up my my Knuckles to her and she she looked at it and she said [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] and then she said my son is a [ __ ] [ __ ] and she like she laughed and it's the most beautiful I thought it was just the most beautiful thing like uh she's able to laugh and you know and um yeah it's tough man that whole thing's tough and and and the the toughest thing is just imagining when uh when I was struggling in the beginning like like prior to her annual aneurysm like there were times when uh I'd show her one of my videos and say Mom check it out she says oh yeah well that that's great but like how are how is this ever going to like earn you anything you know like shouldn't ever seem to be like terribly concerned for my safety of those showing her videos of like jumping off Bridges and like you know doing stuff that was like really pretty dangerous and uh appear to be life-threatening and and that never
seemed to upset her what she was upset about was that uh that I I was I didn't have a pot to piss and she would say you don't have a pot to piss in like how am I supposed to be impressed but this where's this ever gonna get you know how is this ever gonna she would say show me the money you know show me the money like how is this gonna give you the money and um man like given that that was her position on it and I think that that she was um largely concerned with the appearance of things and and um like less she wasn't ever I never got the sense that she was worried for my safety on any level I think that's what she was concerned with was how I reflected on her interesting you know like my son's a loser this is a bummer you know she was bummed that I was a loser because that reflected badly on her and um that's just that's what was important to her you know there's nothing wrong with that and um is that why you want her you'd like her to be able to see God yeah man that's the toughest thing to imagine if uh if we if she she had been to rehab many times she was in the program recovery but she just couldn't hang on to that you know she would always she would just always end up drinking again and um I think that what would what would cause her to relapse was was the you know Trauma from the breakup with my dad which is just a vicious cycle because what broke her up with my dad was her drinking and then the trauma from the the divorce would make you know this is a vicious cycle but um had she gotten it had she really really grabbed onto it and not let go and been in recovery and and both of us like she would have just gotten such a kick out of like being on being on the red carpet at a big movie premiere and she would just be letting me have it making fun of me for the dumb [ __ ] I was doing in the movies like we'd be laughing so that was one thing my mom had like a sense of humor she had she was cool man she was cool and we would we were related to each other a lot
you you're 29 November the seventh she passes away correct a mixture of emotions I read in your book um in professional idiot page 194 the overwhelming emotion I felt afterward was relief sure yeah the suffering was over you know it was it was merciful like that there's nothing upsetting about my mom dying it was what was upsetting was the the pain and the suffering that she had endured for the five years leading up to her death do you ever process that we talk a lot about these days about grief and we understand that grief is a thing and I don't think we ever did before do you did you ever process that if I did it was years later in recovery and and digesting the concepts in that book conversations with God that was when I finally uh that that was when I just developed the idea that Mom wasn't alone you know the mom was that she wasn't alone she like that that was an experience that she had as God and somehow that just that it doesn't change anything but it changes everything alone why why the word alone why was that the concern [Music] just because the I mean it's uh like on on a bigger level like mom moms is one thing you know so there's no such thing as alone at the same time jackass starts taking off right so that's roughly around that time your Fame goes through the roof yeah well mom's aneurysm was 1998. I worked on cruise ships for six months of 1999 I worked in a circus at a flea market for six months in year 2000 and jackass came out in October of year 2000 and then yeah everything the movie comes out in 2002 yeah um you're 28 years old at that time your mother passes when you were 29 the next year these two things have almost happened at similar times your trajectory started to Skyrocket your mother has passed away
lots to deal with lots going on Fame is this new thing in your life now and attention and yeah as you said earlier like worrying about the next meal is maybe sometimes a better problem than worrying about the last um this strikes me as as a real difficult moment in your life um I I the from professional Lydia which I read it said by mid-2007 I was practically living on Diet Coke booze and nitrous a not Diet Coke a diet of cocaine that's amazing difference there was any diet of coke big difference um hallucinating and hearing voices yeah big time it's called psychosis and it's a fascinating um it's a fascinating thing that um there are so many different substances one can ingest that might bring about this phenomena of psychosis yet there's so much similarity between the experiences people have with it uh even though they take so many different Avenues to get there and that's partially why I believe that psychosis um that there's a sort of different compartments maybe dimensions and that um where in our in our Human Experience where uh in a distinct compartment uh and that psychosis happens when you erode the the barriers to the other compartments other dimensions and by doing that with with chemical substances um we've erode the barriers kind of open ourselves up to energies from other Dimensions um you open yourself up to like all levels of it so you can really let in demons you know like like demons being low level of frequency energy and Angels like being a higher level and by uh just consuming enough substances I I really believe that you erode the barriers you
open yourself up to all these energies and um in comes flooding demons and and angels and that that's how I characterize my experiences with hallucinations um all that stuff is uh demon activity with some angels mixed in um I was reading about this thing called the rad email list oh yeah where you send an email to a lot of people which I think ultimately sounds like one of the things that brought about an intervention but right it wasn't one email it was more of a uh stream a a barrage I was inundating a list of 200 roughly 200 people many of them very influential people in the entertainment industry celebrities and agents and just powerful people of uh you know media personalities um and I was just inundating these 200 people with emails at all hours around the clock and and effectively broadcasting my downward spiral in real time and and I would send at times really funny stuff you know at times uh just deeply alarming stuff I was you know I was I knew that I how out of control I was in it but but I was just I was rad I mean I I was out of my mind I was out of my mind and I was making that abundantly clear by uh sending video YouTube had become a thing YouTube started in 2005. so 2007 YouTube allowed me to make really disturbing videos and then email the links to 200 people if I was a flyer on the wall in 2007 in your life what would I've seen on an average day in 2007 I was renting four apartments in one building one of them I just did demolished the walls and built Escape Park throughout the whole apartment um with permission from the landlord no not at all no permission whatsoever and it was just with the the I remember there was like a Russian prostitute operation uh in the adjacent apartment so they weren't trying to complain about the noise there was a stairwell on the other side and beneath was the the parking garage so it was um there were never any complaints for that and then um a little bit down the hall was uh
right had um a couple of my buddies living there one of one of them was uh you know edited stuff for me but we very very rarely well I mean he wouldn't he thinks he works hard yeah I mean I I people on like uh on salary and they they didn't do too much but when I was really out of my mind and these disturbing videos that I wanted to email the links to the rad email that's my editor guy was in charge of that um so yeah I had the the office the skate park apartment the office apartment and then I had an apartment for the assistant the assistant really didn't do anything um except explain to people that she couldn't get a hold of me and change my flights uh well because I would always miss my flights um and then I had my apartment which uh was this is sort of a this is where all we're all the really crazy stuff happened that was that was just my little drug Den and um I would I would inhale this nitrous oxide stuff and and it would come in these little cartridges that people used to make whipped cream and a box of these nitrous oxide cartridges would have there would be 24 cartridges per box but if you bought a case there would be 25 boxes in the case and I believe that 25 times 24 comes to 600 um and so I would sit down with 600 cartridges of nitrous oxide and just inhale like the the thing that the cartridge goes into this canister correct yeah but I'd have two of them oh so I would you know I would crack one up and fill that and inhale it with my lungs filled with nitrous oxide I would be busy filling up the next one so that when I exhaled the nitrous from the first I would then inhale just so I wouldn't not breathe I was I wasn't breathing air because like uh I was breathe I was inhaling nitrous oxide to the exclusion of breathing air I mean as much as possible and my my goal at all times would be to lose Consciousness because if you um you know if you do that and you hold your breath
you you will become unconscious and you're kind of twitching and flopping around and and uh your lips are all blue and then and then you come back too and and it would uh it's not not healthy and I would be doing that and I would be doing that for days on end while um snorting cocaine so it was on on like the second and and particularly on the third day of being awake on a cocaine binge while inhaling nothing but nitrous oxide um that's when the the most profound psychosis with all the hallucinating would be going on you sent out on that rad email one time suicide gladiation yeah I I um I mean I was going so crazy in this apartment and um I uh it's very loud and and and um destructive in there and and the the next apartment over was uh uh a lawyer in his first year of being a lawyer uh so you know like um a guy who cared about work and I was just making all kinds of noise at all hours and so he was he would call the police he's getting this my neighbor it's insane you know and um the more that the police would show up at my apartment the angrier I would get at the lawyer who was calling the police which is a little bit backwards and that was kind of my ammo like I would I would wrong people and then I would resent them for their Perfectly Natural response to being wronged by me Mr Runners so I would uh you know I would bang on the guys well I would really antagonize this this poor lawyer Guy and um at one point it got to uh to the level we're pounding on the wall I actually pounded a hole in the wall and um I pounded a hole here I did on my side there's the there's the the drywall and then in between there's like the fiberglass stuff and then then there's his side of the throat I actually had this one night pounded all the way through his side of the wall too so I was actually looking into his apartment
which of course constitutes vandalism so when he called the cops this time and the the cops showed up they had no choice but to actually arrest me for Vandal he said look they put a hole in my wall so they um were here to arrest me and I was um really really uh out of it um like having been snorting both cocaine and ketamine so I was super out of it and didn't put it together that I was being arrested and going to jail with a bag of cocaine in my pocket I mean I probably could have it would make sense that and I remember it was funny too because they said that I was barefoot and I had no shirt and they said well we have to take her to jail we have no choice but we will let you go put on a shirt and some shoes which which was the perfect opportunity for me to go into my apartment and remove the bag of cocaine from my pocket but I didn't do that and I said you know [ __ ] a shirt [ __ ] shoes so I went to jail completely Barefoot and shirtless with a bag of cocaine in my pocket and um and then when they you know when they process you into jail they search you know your pockets they found the cocaine and they arrested me again so I was now out of felony cocaine possession charge as well as the vandalism charge and and this was like pretty well publicized the you know the fact of the cocaine you know the arrest and um when I was released from the jail I was in there for like uh I want to say like three days because the consensus among anybody who loved me was he's better off in jail so there was no concerted effort to bail me out which is why I managed to stay in there for I believe about three days and then when I finally did get released from the jail after the three days and I returned to my apartment there was an eviction notice on the door so my response to that was okay well I'm being evicted and I went into the apartment I found more vials of ketamine that I had stashed in there and I cooked that all up and um within a couple hours I was
like screaming about God like while jumping up and down on a parked car and like dealing with more cops you were man handled into a psych wood right like yeah yeah well so I went on this this prodigious final bender and and uh I was running out of time before I had to get my step out of the apartment I was evicted so the email to the rad email list was hey I had to have my stuff out of this apartment because I've been evicted but before I have to be gone I want to uh jump a motor so I want to ride a motorcycle through the living room and off a ramp and jump it over onto the building next door which was very very small Gap right here it's not there was hardly even a big it's done and and it was like two and a half stories up uh I think I was on the third floor but it really like kind of two and a half so maybe like 20 25 feet and I and I said on the rad email list and I also I want to jump the motorcycle onto the roof next door and I want to jump out of the bedroom window into a hot tub you know and I just said so Knoxville bring a camera crew and a hot tub and if you can't do the hot tub at least bring some cardboard boxes but I'm jumping out of the window and I'm jumping you know and if you don't come I'm jumping out of the window anyway I'm gonna jump and I'm gonna find out how many bones break when I land on the sidewalk 25 feet below I'm ready to die yeah like I said I was like promising that I was gonna jump out of the window and and break bones on the concrete below and that qualified me for the psychiatric evaluation and they they staged an intervention they staged an intervention yeah and I said not into so Knoxville responded I forget if he responded with all 200 people on copy but uh but I said this I did this on the the rad email list with the 200 people and and um I said uh if Knoxville responding says okay I'll be there you know I said be here at 10 A.M be here 10 a.m where I'm gonna jump and everybody what his response was he says
uh can we do noon what's with the early call times sheesh so we agreed on noon I forget I'm starting with the earlier call times I think what he was concerned with was having more time to uh to Rally uh you know a group to really do the intervention but but by in that email exchange I I was not scheduling a shoot for you know for jackass as I thought I was actually scheduling my intervention and that's really where your life seems to have started to take a new Direction although not linear in any respect well I mean that that intervention marked uh the beginning of my journey I've been cleaning sober since that day which is yeah I mean the intervention was March 9th the intervention was March 9th of 2009. oh sorry yeah March 9th of 2008 and we don't count that as our sobriety because it's the first day you didn't get loaded it's your Friday date so my my sobriety date is March 10th of 2008. ladies and gentlemen as you know Zoe is now sponsoring this podcast and I'm a proud investor in the company and I've been going on the Zoe Journey myself it all starts with this home testing kit you get sent in the post which measures your gut health your blood sugar and your blood fat I've had this little device this blood sugar glucose sensor on my arm which came in the home testing kit to understand how all of the different foods that I eat day to day have an impact on my body and it's been pretty unbelievable a big thing for me is feeling tired after I've eaten something and not understanding why historically I didn't understand now I do understand I'd been eating I think it was like a rice stir-fry with a bit of chicken and some chili sauce in there and I saw in my blood glucose chart on my phone which is connected to the device that Zoe sent me this huge Spike and then later in the day I saw a huge dip when I started feeling that sort of post lunch slump and what will happen next is Tim tells me they'll take all of that data and give me my own personalized Zoe scores for any food so I can figure out what I should be eating and what I should avoid if I want to avoid those afternoon slums and if you
want to get started on your Zoe Journey with me use the code we've got an exclusive code here CEO 10 for 10 off and let me know how you get on when it arrives back to the episode over 14 years sober over 15 now over 15 years sober yeah congratulations dude that's amazing honestly that's incredible it's so incredible and I don't say that to you know to be uh self-important or you know like like douche it's just the most profound gift like ever and and I I believe strongly that you know this conversation began with this dark discussion of alcoholism and and how uh just how terrible and and sad alcoholism is however as upsetting as alcoholism and drug addiction is it's the only disease where once you treat it you become a better version of yourself than you were before and and that's really incredible to me because any other disease the best you can hope for is to get back to as healthy as you were before you got sick but for us sober alcoholics and addicts like we genuinely become improved versions of ourselves and the work you've done since has been incredible I mean you've taken on many professional Pursuits um your stand-up comedy became a facet of your life in 2013 uh 2010 2010 okay I had the first time I had um gotten on stage in a comedy club and and uh performed what what I intended to be stand-up comedy was 2006. how did that go um I thought it went a lot better than it actually did but um but the first time I ever got on that stage it wasn't it wasn't a disaster it became a disaster later um but but in 2010 once I'd been clean and sober for just over two years I I've pursued stand-up comedy and earnest why stand up comedy I know you've got a big tour coming up in the UK but why stand up comedy I'm trying to understand the through line between the stunts it's the the through line is just attention seeking you know
um the first time I ever got on stage to perform in a comedy club uh there was it was 2006 I believe it was August of 2006 and um our second Jackass movie was um to be released a couple months later I showed up at this Comedy Club I walked in had no plan for what I was going to do and just observing what was happening on the stage with somebody standing there holding a microphone just speaking to the audience um I thought there's no stunt that could possibly be crazier than that you know like I'm gonna do my my the craziest stunt that I could possibly do is no stun at all I'm gonna stand there and speak into a microphone and try to make the people laugh this was genuinely the most terrifying concept and I was just wasted enough to decide I'm gonna do that when it became my turn to to get on the stage um I had come up with one joke as I got on the stage there were people they were aware of me they were excited to see me I felt like an excitement uh they were there to have a good time they were they were rooting for me I mean of course like get on stage on Stevo rad they were that I felt loved I felt uh they were rooting for me they wanted to have a good time I got I got on I was terrified but but uh but it was it was just it it was man it was uh it was electric dude and um you know it's I said you know what's up everybody I'm in the mood for a [ __ ] does anybody want one and uh and and and I got a laugh you know like they'd laughed and I just was so happy about that and um I couldn't have been on that stage for more than three minutes like um I got on and I got off just got out of there and it was a favorable experience and I decided that this was something I wanted to pursue and you've been pursuing ever since there's a an awesome tour coming up in the UK from June 30th to July 14th I believe called bucket list that's right and and I'm coming to see oh dude I love that man I'm gonna make sure that happens soon when I started doing
stand up in Earnest in 2010. um I imagined that I was that I was trying to establish myself as a stand-up comedian and that I was going to forge a career with with speaking into a microphone and um and and I felt that I felt that I was well equipped to succeed in that endeavor because my life has been so just uh colorful like the experience that I've had in my life like to to to mine my life experience for material and stand-up comedy uh it seemed very doable you know like I've got I've got stuff to talk about so I felt that I came into stand-up comedy not with just an advantage and that I had um an audience a profile but I just had an interesting material to you know to mine and um clearly the world was not eager for the stand-up comedy of Stevo you know I think that they're the bar for the stuff that I was known for like to to go from like the the the the shocking like unbelievable like crazy visual stuff that I'd become known for and then appear speaking into a microphone it seems like uh mismatching expectation yeah I think that's always disappointment isn't it right like and maybe this is from my own perception I'm not sure but with all of the self-doubt with all of the um you know negative self-talk I just still persisted and um I I wasn't super successful in the beginning and like of course not but I was successful enough to get booked by comedy clubs and then be welcome back and I would go around this Comedy Club Circuit around the the United States and I did just well enough to go back around the loop and that Loop lasted for 11 years in comedy clubs and and I I tirelessly persisted I I genuinely didn't I put in work and I developed this craft of Storytelling and and stand up telling jokes along the way I taped two comedy specials the first one was me and a microphone and uh some intermittent stunts I performed on stage throughout the act and as I put together what would become the next comedy
special I put together this this new act to tour with it occurred to me that the stories I was telling in this new Act had for the most part all happened on camera and I had the idea wow what if for my next comedy special I performed the ACT but in post-production I edit into the special interstitial footage of these stories unfolding [Music] to the storytelling oh dude my head exploded I got so excited I I couldn't even I couldn't even stand it wow like I'm gonna have a my next comedy special is going to be multimedia uh that that one I put out myself um and uh and then it was time to put together the Third show so now I knew that for this third show which is bucket list the bucket is correct that I needed to film all new stuff which would lend itself to all new stand-up material and it had to be crazier than [ __ ] it had to be crazier than ever and that's what people will see if they go yeah okay for sure that this uh there were just ideas that came up over the years that were that were genuinely never supposed to happen on any level but they were they were just ideas that I was so fond of because they were crazy things to say I can't wait the idea was to push things further than jackass ever could and there's no way that you do that and there's not a story to tell you know yeah like the the the challenges of of making these things happen it's just there's uh it's inherently juicy material for stand up there's just no way around it and and one step further is that um I've worked so hard on um developing the ability to be in a healthy relationship with a life partner so I was just about to ask you this was my last question which was about looks right my fiance Lux and and the The Bucket List show is every bit as much about these
Ultra high-level jackass stunts and how they're conceived and executed it's every bit as much about that as the implications of carrying out these bucket list items on my relationship with my fiance what I was actually going to ask you about was specifically kind of the juxtaposition of what's making you successful here seems to me as a guy that's got into relationship struggled to find a relationship for my own reasons with my childhood seems to be the antithesis the very opposite of what it takes to be successful in a relationship which is like the stability the the I don't know the the calm the right and over here we're seeking instability and here in a relationship then I don't know there needs to be a certain stability that I think how well to derive one's self-worth and self-esteem from external validation uh the way that that we do in Show Business like for for me to base my self-worth and self-esteem on how successful I am as Stevo it just plainly presents a dark and upsetting future as the spotlight wanes you know like the the and and I can't and this is something that that became very clear to me 15 years ago when I got sober was that for me to be happy and and healthy on any level it is of Paramount importance that I find some separation between me and the Persona of Stevo and um with that kind of ruminating in my mind and and as I was when I got into the stand-up I got I was acting out sexually as much as possible on the road while doing stand-up and and at that time I was um in my late 30s approaching 40 and and it just occurred me man this is not the the the road to being happy and you know I gotta learn if I want to be happy later in life I need to learn how to have a healthy relationship that was a a belief that I subscribed to and I got to work on learning how to be in a healthy relationship and thank God I did because I'm terrified of being a washed up old attention [ __ ] that nobody wants to
pay attention to anymore and being alone and being alone that sounds like the most terrifying like awful thing and so what does it what does she mean to you looks I mean she you said something earlier that uh that the the design for living in the 12 steps and this isn't my you know kind of extrapolating on what you said you said that the principles of honesty open-mindedness and willingness are helpful to all people and I'll take that a step further that the design for living outlined in the 12 steps is something that you don't have to be an alcoholic or an addict to benefit from but what Lux is as a person is somebody who automatically does that stuff you know she's automatically honest you know she's automatically like open willing like like she's automatically does the right thing you know where I had to to really really work and train myself to be honest and to do the right thing you know and uh you know she's just automatically they're just automatic to her and and lux's capacity for love is so staggering like her it's just so natural to her to to be loving and and and it blows me away we both like with the animals we're out of our minds we love animals so much and um the way that lux loves me and the way that she wants me to love her like just uh no no hold like the way that we that might hold each other the way that like she's she's she's taught me to love she's she's increased my capacity to love and and that's that's the biggest deal man it's it's massive such a beautiful thing Stevo thank you so Stephen Stephen yeah thank you so much um we have a closing traditional on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest okay um and the question that's been a few is one of the most interesting questions that's ever been left in fact they don't know who they're leaving it for good so it's a totally they said what can Stephen so you've filled in the blank no no no they literally wrote what can Stephen when they're talking about me ah I mean
if they spell they spelled it with your name with a pH they said what can Stephen this beautiful man improve about himself so that's my what kind of yeah about myself it's they're asking you to tell me what I can improve about myself because they didn't know you were called Stephen so they said what can Stephen this beautiful man improve about himself honesty uh you didn't speak about yourself very much but but one thing that you did say um you seemed to point to the deficiency in your relationship with your girlfriend being that you're so consumed with work and uh they said something about she wants quality time you can't compensate for your uh you know all of your energy and time going into your career and that you want to compensate by with material things and and that but that she's no no interest in material things she wants quality time and um I think that uh that you and I both um have this uh this drive this this this hustle this this urge to succeed and um I think that uh the the both of us would do well to find our success in our relationships every study about about longevity and health and happiness 100 points to relationships as the source of Happiness true happiness and true health comes from the quality of our relationships not the numbers in our bank account but the quality in our relationship so um I think that the the my answer for you is this for me it's just that uh you know that we should put the emphasis on our quality time in our relationships that we do on our hustle and it's the the reason why I I don't is because I think of some of the stuff that I said earlier about like where I came from and being a poor family so like my survival innately in me or my validation comes from my work so I'm like being pulled by this like insecurity and the shame for my
childhood over here like my [ __ ] [ __ ] become everything that you want and you know and then on the other hand my sense goes well Steve the happiest times in your life the the all the studies I've sat here with the guy that did that 95 year old study on um men and found that they live I think it's like 14 years longer if they have a meaningful relationship I know logically but then emotionally and the scar the scar tissue in me goes no you need to validate yourself right I'm being dragged by that still just you know right and hustle but but not in a way that that undermines or or detracts from the quality of the relationships is that that's what you're doing I mean yeah [ __ ] that lux and I have a rule that we were not to be apart for more than two weeks I love that and we spent two days together over the course of six weeks we broke our rule badly and that's not cool man yeah so um if I wasn't so you know the so so operating from Fear that's the that's the the difference hustle because you love it no because you're not because you're afraid of the post-apocalyptic you know and this is concept I've been talking with a lot on this podcast between the distinction between being driven and being dragged and sometimes I'm being dragged yeah driven is the like intentional it sounds like you know kind of the the intentional hustle with control over the hustle dragged is like [ __ ] fear like if I don't yeah then I'm not enough and right I've taken so much of your time I did thank you so much really really appreciate that pleasure to meet you and I've learned so much incredibly surprising wisdom-filled conversation that Grace so many different aspects I'm so excited to see bucket list I'm sure all of my audience are as well the 13th is the date to be there right hacker Empire that's where I'll be and I'm looking forward I think that we might be able to open up some tickets on the 14th okay um but but I don't know and I don't know how many I just know that as I sit here now the the the show on the 13th just went live okay so that's that's a whole show that I got to fill so link is in the description below to get tickets in the YouTube description and on the Audio
Apps it's in the description below and I hope to see you guys there thank you so much Steve thank you a quick word until as you know they're a sponsor of this podcast and I'm an investor in the company one of the things I've never really explained is how I came to have a relationship with huel one day in the office many years ago a guy walked past called Michael and he was wearing a heeled t-shirt and I was really compelled by the logo I just thought from a design aesthetic point of view it was really interesting and I asked him what that word meant and why he was wearing that T-shirt and he said it's this brand called heal and they make food that is nutritionally complete and very very convenient and has the planet in mind and he the next day dropped off a little bottle of fuel on my desk and from that day onwards I completely got it because I'm someone that cares tremendously about having a nutritionally complete diet but sometimes because of the way my life is that falls by the wayside so if there was a really convenient reliable trustworthy way for me to be nutritionally complete in an affordable way I was all ears especially if it's a way that is conscious of the planet give it a chance give it a shot let me know what you think foreign [Music] [Music]