Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPbU2mPRY2I
the jurogan experience so then covet starts somebody sends me an article from the new york times about ayahuasca and i'm like and he's like we gotta do this i'm like all right i get a number get a private i had to go off antidepressants this is october 2020. so i go i wean myself off i'm taking zoloft all the time and i'm like why am i taking so i'm like i don't need it frank because the problem was without zoloft i wasn't depressed but i was getting panic attacks on stage which is like this i can't have this so i just takes all off like and i wouldn't get panic attacks uh only on stage yeah i and one time i got one like in a meeting it was [ __ ] weird or i'm like i i know this person it was odd i would just get them for seemingly no reason and um and so go off antidepressants do ayahuasca with like uh with one uh shaman type guy at my buddy's house and it's like very pleasant it was like we did one cup it was me bianca from the store uh my friend bijan saramello like uh and it was like nice right um it kind of felt like i like cried about groups of people groups of people i don't know just like gatherings of people made me cry huh like i was crying so hard like like where like my your nostrils are closed like is it unusual that you experience the kind of sadness that makes you it wasn't even sadness it was like kind of tears of like joy reverie not joy and not like tenderness we'll say like tenderness about like like a from a place of love okay more than a place of sadness or it was like just connected yeah yeah i feel connected to like the earth i was getting like also seeing like wide shots of forests ooh just like okay cool so we and then you know lasts about three and a half hours then we all hang out talk whatever and then i find a better that guy was kind of a lightweight and then i find a better
circle to do it in via uh someone that had been on a commercial she was like come to the circle so i first night at the circle it's like by six flags in la it's not like it's not peru um and uh it's i couldn't get the amount right and i was just kind of nauseous and didn't really feel much and i did ayahuasca did two or three cups of ayahuasca i tried this thing called hoppe which is they blows ash sacred tobacco ash up your nostrils and it's like you have [ __ ] rocks in your head i've never felt a thing like this and apparently it like multiplies the ayahuasca for like eight to ten minutes it's like a [ __ ] mushroom and and super mario brothers very like just it's you're like oh stimulated and people you can do a thing where you do an intention and a lot of times you'll vomit up you'll purge up a thing like a notion i have a yeah i got a lot of a lot of stories so the ash the ash if you look it's spelled r-a-p-e with an uh with an um lot over the e so it's spelled rate but it's with an umlaut over the e and people blo it's a in a thing called a tepe and uh so that's just smoke but there you go that's one the first one that now that's smoke if you do uh get rid of ayahuasca and smoke just do [Music] put a um lot over the uh e in yeah the problem is rape crisis it just goes yeah if you put it if you put a thing over the e how do you do that on a regular keyboard you just add the e you hit option and then hit hit e and i'm just going to come up here can you google yeah there we go let's see okay okay there he goes there oh wow that's wild that looks painful it's wild look at the face yeah i tried that and so the ash goes up your nose yeah and and you're like like it i didn't i was just like yo this
[ __ ] people purge immediately but you a lot of times you can purge up like an ocean you can purge up an intention you can purge up i mean a buddy of mine purged up his mother's hatred of him oh jesus like like a thing i'm a like i'm basically like a goof i'm like a new age goofball is what i'm trying to tell you uh so that's the first night with the it's my second career night thir first night at the new circle second night i get the amount correct and i was an atheist and i opened my eyes at one point in the circle and i was like oh i'm in the presence of god right now i don't i can't explain it it's a feeling i am in the presence of what i can only describe as god and i was like this is the first spiritual experience i've ever had in my entire life 12 years of catholic school altar boy church mass [ __ ] nothing and then this was like oh this is what church is supposed to be like this connection to us the center beam or the center force and uh like a real profound like okay i'm no longer an atheist i now believe in a a uh god or creation force and obviously the question would be someone ask you if they were trying to diminish this they would say but you are on drugs yeah you understand that you're on drugs and this is not a real experience and this is all highlighted by the hallucination that's happening in the neurotransmitters and the way it's affecting your brain yeah i don't i here's the thing i can't counter that do you know what i mean like i'm not it's not one of these things where like it's true for me right well here's the question here's here's what i always say is i have this very same conversation with dennis mckenna and we both agreed on this that who cares if it's real it's the same
experience like if if you took a pill and that pill or you took ayahuasca and that ayahuasca makes you reach that state or if you reach that state from saying an incantation and then you walk through holotropic breathing yeah whatever it is yeah how do we know that that's not real like imagine if god was real and you could get in front of god but the only way to do it is to eat mushrooms he'd be like wait what i would argue that's true it might be it's the only way now the the good thing is it's in me now because it then i was no longer in ayahuasca and i was like that was as real a thing as ever happened it's in you meaning it's changed you yeah so the depression's gone well that i'll get to that so no no my belief in god yes a belief in a central creation force right and by the way i know how this sounds it's very mockable it's very reducible and like this podcast is filled with mockable reductions sure sure sure um laughing all the way to the bank um and uh mocking getting mocked all the way uh so so the fourth time i do it the that circle that i was doing in they weren't like covered they were like loose with covid and it's like 20 people in a room and this is in like before the vaccine it's just like early so i'm like ah a guy got covered right after the ceremony i'm like could you test or anything like we don't really just whatever um so i went back to the first guy the the original guy and did a private with ian edwards and my friend catherine and uh worked for ian he had a great time not great time but like a profound spiritual time my friend catherine was sort of like very uneasy and then and i it wasn't working for me and i kept saying yeah it just wasn't working i was like maybe i'll take more cause like it felt like i had to work out the amount at the other place so this place was like maybe i'll take more and i probably ended up drinking like an ounce and i don't
i've come to drink around a quarter of an ounce but so this was like an ounce and it wasn't working wasn't working wasn't working hit me like a [ __ ] freight train where like i immediately i purged and um i i uh went into like i would have a thought like what and my brain and in my brain it sounded like i'd go what it would go i i i i i and i was like oh i'm in pink floyd land like i'm law i'm gone i'm going to be a drug casualty uh then i was in outer space uh alone and the universe was dying you're alone we're killing saturn children uh the milky way like that was the message i was getting like it's all dying and you're alone and i breathed i mean it's the most terrifying thing i've ever experienced until i'll get to the thing that topped it uh i was breathing just in case i was literally like breathing ian said i was breathing like this and i was for like he said about two and a half hours i have no recollection of any of it other than i'm in outer space like it it's i was when i came to i was i slept with the lights on for a few days it was so terrifying to my absolute core um and i but i realized about three or four days after that from not being on antidepressants the i'd say the floorboards of my mood were a little mushy like the like i could get low lower than i could
without antidepressants i'm sorry with antidepressants it would be like more sort of secure and not on antidepressants it was a little loose and gushy and i realized about four days after that terrifying outer space experience that it was completely secure and it was like polished granite like it fixed your brain yeah like i'm never gonna and i literally was like i'm never gonna need antidepressants again positive and you haven't had them since no really yeah that was like that was in december 2020. that's incredible yeah yeah and here we are it's the end of may yeah so this is a year and a half 2022. so uh incredible yeah i had a little panic on stage but i figured that out so so that was so so now so i've done i have four times at this point had that experience and i was like i really like aya in that it's it's it's a connection to spirituality you know what i mean like you know in in i don't have any besides that you know and so i went to the other place the good circle and i had a few rough ceremonies um like one of them in the room i heard a uh tiger like like it's in the room there is a tiger in the room acoustically it was like there was a tiger in the room and then i hallucinated a tiger came around an altar and i went like like real [ __ ] fear and i had a couple tough journeys like that where it was one another one that was funnier is i thought i mean dude in this circle i've seen people get they possessed to tie a guy up like it's
it's impossible but i've seen it it's one of these things where i'm like ah this shit's wild um that one where the guy was possessed they had to pour salt in his mouth like real wild [ __ ] um i'm like oh this is the rapture this is the rapture when the rapture this is the end like we're and so i had that like rapture thing again and they go let's go around the room just check in with everybody neil and i go not good like two couple words to describe you feel like oh not good and then they go to the next guy and he goes i'm balancing and i'm like balancing dawg this is it like it's over and then when i heard balancing and i and then as they went on i was like oh this is not the rapture i was like neil this is your problem and your problem alone