Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X5cQ3vSas8
fresh back from her lion hunting Safari in Africa Esther coup you're here I this is lion Mania today as you paying attention to this I can't no what happened with Lion today but some dude uh killed a like a loved lion that had a GPS collar they lured it away from this protected area where it was living and he killed it and uh they tried to hide the fact that he killed it he's a dentist in Minnesota something yeah it's a sad story tried to destroy the tracking device why why did he try to destroy the tracking because he didn't want people to know that he killed this lion that was a protected lion apparently they lured it away from the protected area with uh with meat they like dragged meat behind a car like to put the scent so that this thing would follow the scent and smell it and then did he use the GPS tracking device to find the lion no they they found it allegedly according to them they found out that it had a jack a tracking device after they killed it so they didn't know that it was a protected lion oh what was he going to do with the lion he's going to put it in his office just for the Instagram picture that's why a lot of people are pissed off because it's like this beloved lion but yet they're only doing it for like the photo you know and well he's got a trophy room I think cuz he's killed everything this guy's killed [ __ ] everything I think Jimmy Kimmel said he killed half of Noah's Arc like like literally it's [ __ ] up Jimmy Kimel started crying and he's talking about it last night on TV and I think it was legit I know it was legit he's not a [ __ ] artist but um yeah this guy's uh he's one of those Trophy Hunters that just wants to have these stuffed animals in a room wow oh you know uh big we talked about uh big cat Derek the other day and he had contacted he wants to come out and fly out and and be on the show so whenever okay yeah I'll definitely have him on you know what we should do he's one of those guys we should go visit him yeah in Texas we should go to Texas yeah so where was his lion killing uh it was in Africa somewhere in Africa which is a [ __ ] huge place somewhere in Africa is like saying somewhere on Earth I think it was in Zimbabwe Zimbabwe I want to know the two guys that dragged it out
knew that this was a beloved line obviously if it was such a superhero in that that area like they it seems almost like a setup or something I don't know how much of a superhero Al line is to the people that live there to the people that live there that's a [ __ ] lion you know I I think a lot of the people that are like conservationists and are people that are tourists and are visiting and that's a beloved line that that beloved line will kill you just like any regular lion he just not it's not the Lion King people are probably more mad at him than the woman who killed the giraffe oh yeah right cuz there's no giraffe King you know like you know that moment with Simba like yeah I think we love Lions a lot more than giraffes don't you think we love a lot of animals based on cartoons we really do we need a giraffe cartoon yeah oh Toys are Us us they kind of have a giraffe but it's just a commercial we need yeah we we need like a real cartoon like a half hour have you ever seen you ever seen the video of two giraffes fighting they like fight to the death two male giraffes over breeding I don't think so with their legs no their necks they use their necks they use their head like a whip and they they they swing their neck into each other it is [ __ ] crazy wow and then they pull like tug of war no they just slam their neck into each other's ass they slam their neck into each other's body you know they have those like Nubs like here it is watch these dudes watch these dudes go to war oh we can see it on this one in front of us here watch these dudes go to war look at this they they slap their bodies into each other whip my neck back and forth I whip my neck back come on how crazy is that oh my God they like they should put a wig on them was why would they put a wig on them so it'll look cool like FL like hair like failing everywhere W or a wet wig like they're like the wet water a mop head it's just a what a crazy way to do battle don't they know they have legs it's like sword fighting kind of though it's kind of cool it's like violent yoga if you were like a giraffe and you were smart and you're like okay I see what these guys are doing I'm going just kick his legs yeah kick him right in the [ __ ] oh yeah leg sweep it just sweep the leg right
there yeah that that seems like it'll give you a massive headache oh yeah well well they had one of them walk away this these two guys they went to war about it and they they walked away and his whole body was [ __ ] up like he had just massive open sores all over his legs and his open wounds all over his legs and body CU those horns they have they're antlers they're slamming their antlers into into each other's bodies bizarre so why did they get in a fight what what what do you think precipitated that fight 100% they fight over breeding right sex no no no they fight to make sure that they can breed you know they fight like all a giraffe essentially is like a type of deer it's like an antalope or some that kind of H animal and all those animals they have real similar behavior and they have similar Behavior they grow the largest ones with the biggest antlers the ones that get de breed and they Clash heads to make sure that they're the bigger ones and that's why they have these big impressive antlers that's to let the females know like well look at this [ __ ] jeez yeah yeah the male giraffes get dark when giraffes uh when they start dominating the dominant male like you could see them they they stand out they're actually darker than the other ones now you know wow but yeah you you came here on uh on Lion day I mean my my Twitter feed has never exploded like this over an animal it's very interesting yeah it's it's all over Facebook that and I'm Al I've been scared all my Facebook Peeps are scared about the 100 days 100 nights thing about the gang violence is that real we no one really knows 100% for sure but it's like the LA times has it you know everyone's talking about it and supposedly these two that somebody died in a a popular gang and uh supposedly The Gangs two uh rival gangs decided to have a competition who can kill the most people in 100 days here in LA and so it's it's called like a hashtag 100 days 100 nights and a lot of people are calling [ __ ] on it but who knows you know it's well it's the the idea that we have so many people that are in gangs and so many people I mean you ever talked to one of those La gang task force guys about how many gang members there are in La every day he follows
me there's a lot of [ __ ] gangs and there's a lot of gang members a lot of disenfranchise young people that have nowhere to go criminal backgrounds [ __ ] can't get a job can't vote can't join the military it's everywhere I think a gang banger joined my high school like mid High School where'd you go to school um East lien High School where's that in Chicago oh you're from Chicago yeah I'm from Chicago sup Ohio where'd you start doing standup um um Boston no [ __ ] where in Boston uh the comedy studio in Harvard Square oh I didn't even know about that place where's that place really you never been there no never heard of it oh my God I know wait AE is that the place above the Chinese restaurant been there yeah I have been there yeah I was there once that's where my first show was guy got mad at me there some old guy got mad at me for something I was talking about I forget I forget what it's about did you guys get in a fight nobody got mad at me like after the show he got mad at my subject matter the audience was laughing hard though it was [ __ ] it was weird like this one guy just decided that it wasn't funny just hit him the wrong way it was just too personal for him maybe yeah wish I could remember what it was but I was just laughing like you really think I'm serious like I forget what it was might might have been I'm not sure I'd be guessing was he bigger than you no he was not bigger than me he wanted to start a fight I don't think he wanted to start a fight I think he just wanted to express he wanted to like put a suggestion in your suggestion box to your face it was really dumb because he was like like if you at a show and everybody else is enjoying it if there's all this laughter and all this fun going on then you're like no you shouldn't be enjoying this because I don't like it like that's stupid just leave you know I know I've had people tell me that like like you know I would enjoy your act so much more if you didn't use so many curse words or or like if if you didn't talk about like sex you know the whole time and I'm just like what what do you want me to talk about like that's just what I'm passionate about sometimes you you're passionate about sex that's beautiful I am passionate about sex it's just ridiculous isn't everybody passionate
about sex no there's a lot of people they're not alive they would like to pretend that sex doesn't exist cuz nobody wants to touch them yeah there's a little bit of that going on or like yeah there's a lot of that going on for sure but most people are passionate about sex no there's a lot but there's some people that don't like you to talk about it and that's like New England like that Boston area that's a big thing down there like that's a very button- down town very conservative in a lot of ways like everybody wears khakis and like blue collar shirts from J crew you know that's like the Boston uniform there is a lot of that going on that's a very it's in a lot of ways it's a liberal Town start comedy in because they're so tight mhm that you make them laugh and then you go somewhere like w this is so easy those Boston people were so hard there some some of them are tight and uptight and the other ones are mean and drunk so you got two good groups to pull from the drunk Irish people yeah what a good spot to start that that that Cambridge Place was uh known to be like a good little spot that's Rick Jenkin spot right yeah you know I feel like he could he could have like a big comedy club like he always prided himself and not advertising he's like we don't advertise and look there's still 20 people here on a Saturday night and I'm like you should advertise like you can make so much money if you like grew the club because yeah it's been there for a while people have very strange ways of looking at things then they just decide that this is the way oh look I've always done it this way right not advertising at comedy club seems pretty silly pretty s like how the [ __ ] is people supposed to know who's here this week who knows you know like why would anyone go there right yeah that doesn't make any sense but so how many people were out of there there was this one gay dude that was there that was really [ __ ] funny like really flamboyantly gay dude he was hilarious I forget his name I want to say he's Iranian did they call him trip no he's not arani he's Armenian um forget his name gay dude followed him on Twitter for a while lost track of him I know saw him years back though he was very funny from the comedy Studio yeah from that spot yeah a lot of
people came out of there is there but there's not that much besides there right I mean what other place has really good they still have open mic nights there I don't know you don't know you never go there I I don't know I haven't been there in a while when did you start doing stand up like um 10 10 years ago like 10 11 years ago yeah but I had a full-time job when I started what were you doing I was a a sales rep I was slinging pens pens like the kind of pen you're holding yeah that's why you're automatically like holding this pen you're like displaying it she has all the tricks she knows how to flip it around moves oh well that's not really that hard to do well you do it yeah what are you doing you just going back and forth yeah okay I'm pretty sure I could do that can I get a pen okay let me see what you're doing here like this here that's it yeah that doesn't seem that hard am I doing it no you have to get like the right balance this is amazing this is what everybody like in libraries do in college the drumstick twirling the drumstick oh okay it looks it looks cooler now no you're doing it wrong you have to do it between your thumb and your index finger between your thumb and your index finger yeah put the bottom of the pen here like in that little pocket right wait you have to place it here my fingers are too fat oh there you have to put this here this is so boring for people listening they're like they're twirling a [ __ ] pen who is this girl so what did you do you slung pens like used to go door to door to like offices and stuff and said no that's not how pens are sold these days I don't know everybody says door to door like that's what everybody says yeah like it went from encyclopedias to to pens like cleaners think think how did have you ever bought a pen yes I have bought pens okay did somebody knock on your door and say would you like to buy a pen sir today no but but I don't live in Ohio true it was huge in Ohio so how did you buy your pens I go to the store which store uh various stores I'm not loyal to one pen store exactly they sell pens everywhere so that's what you would do you would show up at like Office Depot or something like that and go yo what fix and fix the pen display give them samples of like the new
Sharpies you know here's the newest technolog throw pizza parties for them if they sold the most P that week out of like our competitor pens so you had like a like a truck that you used to drive around in filled with pens I had a Volkswagen Beetle that had like Sharpie written all over it like a neon car yeah and then they got me a Trailblazer but it was a two wheel drive and I was living in Boston driving a re whe Drive [ __ ] Trailblazer when it snows like they wanted to like get rid of me because I didn't want to get promoted cuz I wanted to just keep doing comedy I had like a free car and I was driving around like New England New Hampshire everywhere you know you gigs with that car I yeah I got to like Drive comedians to shows and like I had a gas card so I didn't need to like pay for gas oh [ __ ] what a great deal for a comic what an amazing day job for a comedian like that's perfect more than perfect so did you do like the whole New England C to everybody yeah you give pens to people at shows I would give pens to comedians oh hey write your jokes down [ __ ] right write some new material so you you did all like the New England circuit like the whole all those little Route 99 yeah I went to Albany route one and S Giggles Conquer New Hampshire um yeah the one and just everywhere all of those so you kind of cut your teeth doing the the Boston Road scene yeah that's a good scene that's a one if it still exists I don't know what it's like now it does exist Does it yeah Tony V still lives there you know he still makes a Liv in doing that yeah he's on um I just saw him on a TV show Tony ve is hilarious yeah he's such a good D so funny he he gave me the best piece of advice anybody ever gave me about driving he goes uh he was driving back and forth from Boston to New York and I said how do you do it without going crazy and he said I just when I sit in the car I just go Zen and I say this is what I'm doing this is what I'm doing I'm driving now I don't freak out I don't say God I wish I wasn't driving how many more hours is there to go I I just say this is what I'm doing and that's what I do now when I drive I just say this is what I'm doing I'm driving now you listen to music yeah or mostly mostly like books on tape or um maybe podcast more than music when I'm driving
I love to listen to music I have to listen to music have to I don't have to like I'll listen to like talk shows and stuff but like something it's just so powerful to drive while playing m but while blasting music you know like you just have I just have like a party in my car I'm driving by myself and I'm like Born in the USA you know is that what you're singing well I mean like whatever song Jesus Christ why' you pick that I figured you for more of a Katy Perry girln your girls are undeniable I do love Katy Perry Oh that song was brutal like I would like to introduce you to a bunch of California girls that are gross yeah that are monsters I know all these California girls are getting like the beach boy song too they get all this free publicity all could be there's no song about Illinois girls there should be right Illinois girls are solid Texas girls those are some solid girls right yeah Texas are the best girls I think Texas what about Florida no if you want to get crazy those are the wor stripper land if you want to buy pills no all them all of them are Cooke heads all of the Florida girls it seems like that's probably the state between Florida and Arizona it's the state where you can guarantee if you go out you're going to run into people C up oh yeah those are these two spots I find Coke yeah you know what that that did happen to me at a show in Florida once someone they offered you Coke these girls they were all like you know dressed out like dressed like they're going to the club or something you know and they after a show it was a comedy show in a barber shop in Winwood and after the show these girls came up to me they're like you're so funny you're so funny you know and they're like come come come and they like brought me to the bathroom and they pulled out a key with Coke on it and they were like handing to me to be nice I guess like let her have the first Sniff and I was like no I don't I'm like I don't do that then they hate you and they turn on you did they I don't remember too good for us you too good for Coke wait why would you turn down Coke [ __ ] [ __ ] well because I don't think Coke is fun you don't no so you've done coke before you've had a a you too addicted it just makes you twitch and like not stop talking and I just start freaking out like I'm on too coffee you
know I never did it but I did drink the tea I drank this tea called mate de cocoa it's made out of cocoa leaves and I couldn't shut the [ __ ] up I did it with the Stan hope and I remember I kept telling them dude I can't shut the [ __ ] up this is driving me crazy and you're aware of it yeah it's terrible it's the worst drug for me it's horrible cuz it's like it's the words are like escaping it makes you stay up so late that it does that like you're just the whole next two days are just wasted you can't be productive with anything yeah I have a friend who just did ecstasy and he said the same thing said after it was over like the next day he felt so shitty he's like I could he couldn't do anything there's a way to do Ecstasy right like new mood take a shitload of new mood before you go to bed just like vitamin C and like I that's one of those things where you can do it correctly and I've I've had it where I've woken up and had zero hangovers the he's really fit though and I wonder if the difference between a guy that uh is like always working out and eating healthy and drinks a lot of water and takes care of his body like kind of he when he really feels like a shitty day whereas you booze it up all the time you're smoking all the time you're not smoking anymore right well still off I kind of [ __ ] up in Toronto so are you back on now uh I'm just not I'm just having a few a day now type thing smoking cigarettes Brian I I can have you ever tried to be hypnotized no I that doesn't work on me no it will work dude you just got to get a real person I get hit people that say that read the book no I hate reading books so much that whole time like [ __ ] this book and everything it stands for books are awesome it's just wasting my time like I I look at a book and I'm like I got I'm thinking like a million things other things that's like when you say you're in the car playing music I'll drive and sometimes realize I'm not even listening to anything because I have a million things I'm thinking about like I'm multitasking all over the place so you can't read a book cuz you can't concentrate enough to read a book I mean I can read a book and make myself concentrate to read a book you never sit down and read a book you never like read not since the Internet Was Made cuz I read the internet so your eyes are going
to deteriorate in like 10 years you have to like give your eyes a break Jesus I read to St he's going to go blind and we're going to be doing a benefit for him in 10 years like please help save Brian red band's eyes you know the surgery cost well they're really close to some artificial lens did you see that thing that they had on the internet recently they they're creating some artificial lens for the human eye that's way better than any Vision that you'll ever have I thought they already had that didn't they have the first implant I don't know but there there's some new one that they've developed some artificial lens see if you can find it but they there was some talk about it they were like why tack lens no it's going to be like something they insert into your eyes in your eye yeah they're going to do surgery on you what do you think about what do you think about people who want to put chips in kids to prevent kidnappings or to be able to find your kid it sounds like a great idea if that's what it does if it prevents kidnapping and so you could find your kid the problem comes when people use it for other reasons like to know where your kids are cuz I don't like you or to uh know where your kid is when they become an adult maybe someone doesn't like their opinion on something or maybe they're about to expose some business corruption or government corruption with people know where they are at all times that seems [ __ ] up it just seems [ __ ] up because we can't quite track everything that everybody does I think eventually we'll be able to track everything everybody does all the time like there's this Radio Lab show called Eye in the Sky what is this the implant is that what does it say it says uh BC optometrist sees way for a bionic lens implant imagine seeing uh three times better than 2020 Vision even at the age of 100 or more yeah so that's what they wow that's amazing that's the future so this Radio Lab podcast called the eye in the sky uh is I think that's the name of the episode and it's all about these this technology they developed that they put on planes and they fly these planes overhead and they take Det Ed images of everything on the ground so they do it like click click click like it's constantly as it's flying taking millions and millions of
photos so if something happens what they can do is find out where it happened when it happened then go to the eye in the sky footage they go to that section of the footage they go okay let's take it to 3:30 today yep there's the car there's the guy who gets out of the car there's the guy getting shot the guy gets back in the car and drives off let's find out where the car goes and they just follow the car they so they have all the images of everything that's happening and they're going to use this in places like Iraq and they're going to try to use this in places like Detroit and places where there's a lot of crime and a lot of violence but you know people are resisting it obviously because they're going to they're going to catch people doing all kinds of stuff they're going to catch people cheating on their wives and their husbands they're going to catch people stealing from work they're going to catch people yeah fill in the blank you say you're here but you're there someone's going to have access to it you said you couldn't work because of this but we have footage of you at home it just gets weird it gets it's weird when someone can just find where you are all the time but it kind of seems like that's where it's going it kind of seems it's already there yeah pretty close almost yeah you know like my problem with like putting chips in kids is that like okay so the it'll prevent people from predators from kidnapping kids whatever but what if he finds where the chip is and then like scrapes it out you know what I mean like he could hurt the child if it's like implanted in their skin that's true but I don't think you're going to save that kid by not having it in their skin when he's just going to [ __ ] the kid and kill him or whatever the hell he's going to do yeah you know what I mean I see what you're saying like someone would want to cut it out but if they could find it kind of person who would cut an implant out of a kid is not planning on doing you know well other than that my intentions are completely altruistic I [ __ ] hate chips you know I just have to cut the chip out of this kid you're you're dealing with it's a it's a weird privacy issue that I think EV it's going to get to the point where it's going to be a Mot point cuz there's
going to be so much access to where everybody is all the time it's going to be pointless well like these cameras are just getting more and more HD that like you'll be able to like just take take out your phone take a picture and like you're in line at Starbucks or whatever and somebody pulls out their credit card to pay you'll be able to take a picture and then just know that that person's whole credit card number yeah you know oh yeah definitely you're going to be have to zoom in so much like this thing is going to get more and more the spreading the fingers to make things bigger yeah yeah they they used that um eye in the sky thing in Warz to catch this man who had killed this uh female police officer they shot this female police officer or mayor or something like that some female uh person in charge and uh when they shot her they followed the car back to this house and then they backed up and they were able to follow all these other cars back to the house too and it turns out this is his house that was filled with uh drug cartel members and they were Hit Men and they would just you know run around doing murders and robbing people and they were all H up in this one house like a [ __ ] movie and so they just stormed the house and arrested everybody holy [ __ ] so they're trying to use it as like one of those things where they're saying that this is eventually going to be something that comes in very handy and it's going to be everywhere how's that uh Eye in the Sky deal with clouds like if it's like in Ohio it could be cloudy for a week it's a good question they probably fly under the crowds if if possible um if not there's probably nothing they do yeah so if you're going to want be a nefarious criminal live in Ohio in the winter for a cloudy day yeah it's a good point you could just put those chips you know in the kids put them on their dick so if a kidnapper takes the baby they're not going to ruin the best part of the baby you know they're not going to cut the dick out oh my God put it in the dick hole best part of the baby like it's an art choke it's already choke you're going to [ __ ] up the goods did you think about that before you said it did you go this this is the good thing to say right now this is perfect this is going to be
awesome everyone's going to enjoy the show everybody thinks like me this is perfect what um did you we talked briefly last night about that alien that CIA agent guy the cat it's a hilarious story it's a really interesting and if you listen to the interview of the supposedly this guy died they found him in an SUV in the Pacific palates and he was had been there I guess for 4 days and what happened is his girlfriend knew that he died and thought he was a h a hybrid of an alien and a CIA agent so he thought she thought she better leave the body the government knows he's dead he'll they'll take care of the body because he's not supposed to exist type thing so went up to Washington and uh they the cops found the body he's like been there forever they go into his house he has millions of dollars worth of guns and then he also has large amounts of cash everywhere ions that's what they're saying 1,200 guns is not millions of dollars they said last night on the news that it was a collection worth millions million if each gun is worth a thousand bucks right well I guess some of them are just really like antiques like collectors and and stuff like that it's like a huge collection so it doesn't look like he's like was uh broke broke right and $230,000 in cash 14 Vehicles stashed around Los Angeles 14 Vehicles registered to him including an SUV design to drive under water that should be a red flag he's a nut and the SUV to drive under the water is something that this ABC7 is just blowing out proportion that's actually a common thing that you put on the bottom of SUV so when you run over puddles it doesn't flood out the engine well sort of it's not you don't put it on the bottom it's a snorkel it goes out the the front fender right it's real common for uh like off-road vehicles like L Rovers like Defenders those Land Rover Defenders so that thing with the big pip tube that comes off the side of the you see in Jeep sometimes uh Toyota Land Cruisers a lot of times they hook those up with them people just like it they like the fact they could just I could [ __ ] Drive underwater [ __ ] play this video I want to hear this Jamie 1,200 guns that seems a little little excessive a commercial uh but what's weird is that uh they haven't really released a picture of him or any
news and he's had prior convictions where he's gotten off where you could only get off if you were like somebody that works high up like well you mean arrests yeah he had a gun I believe at LAX or something there's a lot of message boards that are really digging into this guy and finding all this interesting stuff whose names did he register all these guns under him that's what it looks like it was all somehow done here body of a man is found near his Pacific palace's home that was stuffed with cash weapons mysterious story appar is also connected to The Disappearance of an oxar woman was doow all night for sure spefic pal with the man's body was found abandoned and decomposing that's very nalos well this is definitely a very Story the man was found near his fiance's home in Pacific Palisades from Oxnard who was missing worked for the fiance and now wild stories that the man was a secret government agent and possibly part alien from outer space wait a minute from outter space not Mexican July 17 found his decomposing body in his SUV inside the home a huge cash of weapons fiance has an amazing story a story her attorney found a bit far-fetched I first thought she was crazy sounded crazy to me Katherine nebron claims lash actually died two weeks earlier on July 4th in a parking lot in Santa Monica nebron says she and the missing Oxnard woman Don vad bunker tried to save his life and they worked for about 3 hours trying to keep him alive he refused 911 he didn't want to go to emergency room he didn't want any police so he died there nebron says she then took him back to his home and left him there she believed him that he was involved in some you know ctitious activities governmental projects whatever and so her instructions were that if anything happened to him they whatever they is would take care of the body they believed that they were being watched all the time I was told they were being watched all the time I was told our house was being watched all the time never neon and vad bunker claimed they drove to Oregon to forget about what happened nebron returned 2 weeks later and was stunned at what she found when she got back the body was still in the car and
that's when she decided she better call a lawyer Brun says when Poli house they found 1200 guns 6 and2 tons of ammunition and $230,000 in cash V bunker was found alive and well in a motel in Oregon meanwhile V Bunker's mother adds another twist about Jeffrey Lash we were all told that he was half alien half man he was here to save the world and he was higher than a CIA so we have special ops for the government well detectives are now working on the down this is actually on the news and checking to see if any one of those we connect at least sketch what from Pacific they don't any pictures no pictures no photos but at least get a drawing there's one drawing that looks a lot like Will Smith Men in Black 2 it's so stupid that all you have to do is have some guns and some cash and a stupid story and you'll make the news I mean that's really what this is about this is really about guns and all we know a contest all we know is he was involved no you don't know anything this is what you know you got guns and you got cash and you got a dead dude and because of that everybody's getting crazy a dead half alien dude like if he only had like five guns he would be like well he was a gun enthusiast you know if he had 20 guns people like well what was he planning but when you have 1,200 guns then you're on TV then you make the news and what's weird is that most gun collectors don't usually have ammo for all the weapons cuz they never plan on firing any of these guns and he had ammo for all these weapons I don't think he was a uh oh he's suffering from late stage cancer I don't think that's um he's a collector as far as he's I mean he's got all those guns but it's not like he's got them in cases like this is Christopher Columbus's Musk anybody with a last name lash I know it sounds like a like Terminator movie that's not a real name and her name was bunker and that picture like what what scroll back up to that picture Jamie what is it no down yeah lash on thousands of firearms 14 specially equipped cars among other strange unusual items so what is that is like workbench in there yeah and look at all the piles of cash I mean and all they're
saying all the cars were specially equipped you know like with weird things so he's a nut he's probably one of those Preppers it's just amazing that this can actually become a story just cuz he has cash now they're going to make a movie out of it y yeah and who who's going to play lash wa this is probably already a movie right um Christian Bale he's going to play him it's going to be like an ironic comedy no you know who they're going to get what's to do with the cleft pallet Yim Phoenix he's going to do it he's going to play it like that diesel I'll be bloated cook Dead Guy number two for the the carene did see did you see his dumb movie that movie that everybody was telling that was really good the walking Phoenix movies is very strange some some recent movie that he did like real absurdist strange movie her I think with the Walk Phoenix with no it wasn't her mother yeah it was like a uh I I watched I was like halfway into it and I was like get the [ __ ] out of here didn't the girl get in trouble kind of cuz she was playing in Asian and she's white is that the same I don't know talk em Stone Aloha movie I don't think that's it it was a it was a movie about I don't even know what it was about was just a ridiculous movie I think he was a private investigator or something halfway into the movie I shut it off I was like I can't even do this I never do that I almost always watch a movie all the way the end that's how I do do you ever leave a movie theater I get up and [ __ ] walk that GI Hard movie like oh get heart was bad there's not one will far Ferell movie that I have turned off halfway through and that movie was horrible Uh Kevin Hart and Will faroh Kevin Hart really horri Kevin Hart kills it as a comedian just kills it he's killing it on the road he's on the cover of Rolling Stone now I think but a lot of people don't like his movies I don't know what that's about it's just not good they're just not good is he you think he's doing too many movies does he just just jamming them in there like whatever they come with money that they think is going to sell I don't think I've ever seen a Kevin Hart movie so I can only have that one to judge I think it's because he he doesn't turn down his volume you know he's always on like level 10 that's what
bothers you I don't know I don't know if I've seen a Kevin Hart movie I know you know but I'm just assuming that he's always that way you know you know with the high energy inherent Vice that's the name of the movie look at that poster a lot of people told me it was amazing like this is such a cool movie and I I was halfway into it I was like you got to be [ __ ] kidding me what are you doing to me you [ __ ] it's a good poster though oh it's it's stylistically a very cool movie and I love that dud they get you with the poster man they can do that like all the residuals from this movie should go to the graphic designer for this poster not people put together the writers or the producers you know yeah but it never goes that way well it's got this 1960s vibe to it or 1970s vibe to it it's just a very strange movie just didn't didn't get into it so uh you're on Girl Code um I'm on Girl Code what do you do for that what what do that involved being a talking head so it's like one of those things where things play in the news and you start you comment on it um well they don't do the news they just give you topics oh okay yeah and how often you do that um well did it like once a month when I did it yeah but um but yeah I'm not doing it anymore stopped yeah how come stopped I was like I've had enough you got bored really I've had enough of you guys dressing me up like I'm a 14-year-old girl is that what they did yeah for real yeah like I would have like bows in my hair and stuff oh [ __ ] what is that that's racist right well they would like make all of us look like that all the girls oh there's a creep behind the scenes I mean not like all of them but maybe some them any black chicks work there no do you didn't have any black girls no diversity on Girl Code like behind the scenes No the talent the talent yes yes did they make the talent the black girls wear like bows in their hair and dress like they're 12 um I don't know you don't know you should know I should comparing if they did it to you why were they doing it to you I don't know did you ask him no no just quit [ __ ] this I hate these clothes no it was it was it was fun because it it like taught me how to you know just go off the cough and make up a joke on the spot you know but um I don't know so
they would give you a subject in advance like uh Kanye West G they be like boners boners you know oh or like one night stands or you know yeah vacations stuff like that do you have strong opinions about boners or vacations um what was your dpds what's your D one question at a time please that's on your podcast right we don't bring that here dpd her damps per day what his perverted question that he asks everybody on his show I don't even know what you're talking about how many times a day does she get damped if she were to check every uh damp how many times you get damp every 30 minutes that's what he asked don't you think that other everybody listening would want to know what you're talking about that's what I just said what's your took a long time to get that out of you guys know um so so they give you like a subject like boners or something like that and they give you time to write or do you just have to riff um they give you time to write and then you could riff also so they email them to you or something and you show up those are weird shows because they don't pay anything right well yeah I know compared to like I make more money doing standup well that's kind of common on those cable shows but it seems like those shows like they they revolve almost entirely on the input provided by The Comedians I mean that's like pretty much the whole show we're writing it's such a cheap show to make CU we're writing everything but we don't get a writer's credit you don't get a writer's credit and you really don't get paid very much and that's the whole show it's not like they're selling it's a wildlife show and occasionally Esther come on and talk about boners no the entire show is about people's opinions on stuff right right MH you know it's like the80s like they have those VH1 shows it's like that kind of stuff right I love the 2000s yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean basically they show clips you know that that splice in between people talking about like cherry pie or something like that I it's really what the whole show is but yet the people that do it they don't get paid that much it's one of those little sneaky things they just figure out yeah they get you and then somebody makes a lot of money like Byron Allen you and that Byron Allen Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen
the whole show is Byron Allen talking to Comedians and they hey Esther I understand you like zoos and you'll just start talking about the zoo you know can he make it sound like he's not forcing it so much no it's all forced it's all forced and no one gives a [ __ ] but that that's the whole show but he sells that show and Byron Allen like grew up around show business like what his mom worked for David Letterman or no not they Johnny Carson oh wow so his mom would clean would clean her his office and he would see the whole taping and he'd be a little kid standing there like 6 years old watching Johnny Carson like say hi to him in the parking lot and then go on stage and make the magic happen that's probably why he does it like old school like that does it that's that's who he watched every day don't you think when you watch a talk show today like if you watch like um anyone Fallon or any any of these new talk shows there seems so weird to me that no one can move away from the desk yeah you have to have a [ __ ] desk and pretend like you're working at an office and right next to you in the most awkward way possible has to be someone sitting in a chair next to the desk it's yeah why is it made to look like an office it's so strange wouldn't be couches be better bed it's kind of like a doctor's office office or something like you're sitting next to a receptionist it's like you don't even face them it's the weirdest way to have a conversation it's like if we we were the cameras were here where Jamie is and you and I would be talking like this that's that's literally how we' be doing the show we'll be right back and you the camera's facing you first who's the first talk show host who had a desk setup on his stage well probably par jack par who was before is that who it was that was before Steve Allen didn't like wearing pants and he just wanted to cover his lower body who do you think was the original talk show host on TV who who do you want to say what was the original television talk show I have no idea I'll go with Jack par that sounds good yeah I don't even know if that's his real name late night talk show Steve Allen was a big one for a while late night talk show Wikipedia all right let's go with history night stes 40s in whoa 40s okay
so they had radio ones so they had these oldtime radio shows so but they didn't have the two chairs and set Ed suiv TV show Ed Sullivan might have been one of the first ones right that aired on whoa Jesus Christ Ed Sullivan originally known as Toast of the town which aired on CBS Sunday nights from 1948 to 1971 holy [ __ ] did you know that I had no idea Jesus Christ 23 years that's insane 33 that's insane 23 years wait 48 to you're doing the math yeah to 70 what 71 23 years 71 23 years Milton burrow also hosted a show 23 Michael Jordan Milton bur had W in 48 on NBC these shows aired once a week in the evening time slots that would come to known as Prime Time the first show to air on late night was Broadway open house and it aired on NBC in 1950 it was cancelled a year later not enough people owned television sets to make a late night television series worthwhile whoa the first version of the tonight's show starring Steve Allen so he was the first 1954 on NBC I wonder if that was 11 o'clock at night too H the show created many modern talk show Staples bet you it was earlier yeah you think people went to bed earlier back in the day yeah probably or did they go to sleep later I would think they went to bed earlier earlier they wouldn't have electricity they had electricity to watch TV they watching TV on by candle like there was more farmers and they had to go to bed when it got dark there weren't street lights yet so this says that Steve Allen created it all it says the show created many modern talk show Staples including the opening monologue celebrity interviews audience participation comedy bits and musical performances by this point the Federal Communications Commission had lifted a freeze on new television stations which allowed new stations to pop up across the country and television adoption soon grew exponentially as a result unlike Broadway open house The Tonight Show proved to be a resounding success huh what the [ __ ] was that like pull up a video on The Tonight Show with Steve Allen from like the earliest you could find no wonder by RN Allen got his job job he's like in the family Allen well
he also found one of those niches where you could kind of sell a show like that like that's what I was kind of saying is that those shows it doesn't cost much to make them book that's all stories written by other people exactly but they're like but I put it together I put it in a book and I'm going to make all the money and my name's like I'm on as an author I mean that kind of is the exact show the whole show is people doing their acts you know I mean literally it's you're doing ripoff it's total ripoff it's like if you were s if you were singing songs that you wrote and then they sold the CDs you'd be like what the [ __ ] right but that's what they're doing I mean these people are creating these bits they have them then they go uh so understand you got a 2-year-old kid man having a 2-year-old is tough Barron then it's and they do the bit and then everyone in class we'll be right back here's some commercials we sold based on this guy's material but they all are there selling something but has any has any comedian ever like from from 1963 of he plays the bicycle and his name is Frank Zappa look at his Frank Zappa is that Frank Zappa the guy on the left that is Frank Zappa ble yeah are you in the Musicians Union uh no he's so play any other musical instrument anything more conventional perhaps guitar Vibes Bas and drums Guitar Vibes Bas drums and bicycle ni bicycle will travel from his base to his rums to his guitar uh how did you happen to pick up your first bicycle I was discussing this before with uh some of the people backstage I believe that a lot of the people have actually played bicycles from time to time bicycles when they're young they take a piece of cardboard and a clothes pin attach it to the rear wheel and when it goes around it makes that noise and you're playing a bicycle then oh I see you mean when they pretend they have a little motor and make it sound like a motorbike yes we've all done that is that what you do you make a motorbike noise I see a couple of bikes over here perhaps we better go over and demonstrate and show them what you do what the [ __ ] were people entertained by back then I understand you drove a bicycle well here we are friend stereo
bikes so Zappa is playing musical instruments on the bikes what year is this 1963 there was two clips that were a little earlier but you couldn't see this is after Kennedy was killed does Lou know what you're doing with him how crazy is that March 4th how long did it did it take them to make those microphones that clip onto your shirt he's like holding the microphone back and forth I know and it's a stupid looking microphone look how dumb that microphone looks looks like a corn dog you know like how many years did he go holding the microphone like that that's what they did they had to do it back and forth they had to hand it back and forth until somebody invented the LA mic yeah they couldn't run two microphones at the same time blow fuses start fires you will be is he going to play violin and a bike at time the score for the world's greatest Center the he's laughing and who might that be Tommy Manville or who tell us about that are you talking to me skip ahead to the music did the music for it the world's [Music] greatest that's one of the sounds that you can what is [Music] this oh he's playing the bicycle wires like a violin the sounds that Zappo was weird as [ __ ] even in 1963 when he was buttoned up with a tie and a suit he was weird as [ __ ] when I first started smoking weed that was the first music I would listen to me and my friends would just sit in our car and smoke and listen to Zappa I listen to Zappa way before that before I was smoking weed I listen to Zappa because I had a friend my friend Tommy when I lived [ __ ] I think I lived in Florida my friend to yeah it was Florida my friend Tommy's dad was uh a real freak he was a weird dude and he had a Saab I remember it was the first guy that I ever met that had a sob like sa AA B one of those cars those guys are freaks well back then it was weird like yeah the key was on the ground like on the floor I was like what is this this car is so weird it was a really old so now I don't know if I've ever been in the sub [ __ ] this was in 1970s but uh he
was a a [ __ ] gigantic Zappa head this guy and he would play Zappa for me and for his son interesting music because it's a it was really great to listen to with like headphones onong there was so much noises and sounds going on so when when I was a young pad that's all I would do is like it felt like triing you're still a young pad Brian no he's not young anymore but he's definitely still a pod but you know like those um like uh if you listen to like uh old hris and you hear like different sounds going back and forth across the like the field of sound like when you have the headphones on they go left and right and right and left yeah that's the cool sh that's what you I graduated too after Zappa yeah that was like what they figured out how to do they didn't figure out how to do that until like the 60s right Jamie you know you're a sound engineer stuff going back and forth and back and forth like the [ __ ] like uh like the like you know that long pause in whole lot of love where everything gets really weird like it sounds like a noral s and then it's just weird moaning and [ __ ] noises and strange symbols and stuff for like a minute and a half you know that yeah there's a lot of stuff that was happening with Zeppelin because of uh they were using magnetic tape and storage caused like uh what if the tape was wound too tightly it would get tape bleed and uh 5 seconds before that's kind of how these weird Reverb things and weird delays would happen sort of like sort of like that there'd be weird screaming it would be a previous take on a vocal track because of the way it was stored it would end up 30 seconds later a minute later on another part of the song and it just sounded so cool they just kind of left that kind of stuff in instead really instead of recording it over doing it all over again really accidents would just happen they'd leave him in that's amazing I never heard that before so it's magnetic bleed yeah tape bleed mhm wow Esther cool you learn some new [ __ ] every day kind of like when a movie an old movie has all the [ __ ] up films you know from like deterioration and water damage and stuff like that well when they whenever they want to show you like an educational film a pretend educ like if it's a movie like a horror movie and they show like an educational film for the 1950s it always
has those like crackles and pops and those weird little artifacts and stuff across the screen not anymore kids those are cute yeah not anymore though like magazine ads from the 50s are so like cute aren't they they're kind of cute and the fact that people were like dumb kids back then it's weird that your parents are like dumb kids they're just so simple that they just like wow that's so cute you know like vintage advertisements for like Sears or Woolworths or an iron you know selling to the housewives in the 50s basic yeah basic [ __ ] people were just Dumber back then yeah women were just uneducated well everyone was not just uneducated it just Dum they knew how to do laundry and Dumber To how they grease out of aprons and [ __ ] they barely knew that to this day they don't know that how to bake apple pie P bake apple pies Jesus Christ as what the [ __ ] are you talking about you know bake lemon mering pie I think they'd still bake pies last I checked that's still common do you cook Esther I do cook what do you cook um I make uh Curry carrot soup curry carrot soup yeah have you ever made that super easy to do vegetarian thing it is yeah you just um you just boil some carrots and some onions and garlic and then put it in the food processor and you got soup that seems really that doesn't seem like cooking it's like just smash some food together you're juicing you're juicing souping like me saying cook Shake I also cook I also cook lamb you cook lamb I make lamb I like making um orange marmalade glazed lamb Lamb's a weird one you know why Lamb's a weird one because it's a baby yeah no body thinks about that a I'm going to stop making lamb it's baby I mean it is I guess you forget that it's a baby nobody ever talks about it like that that's why we have a name for it you know like you don't call uh a cow cow you call it beef you know chicken nobody gives a [ __ ] about chicken so you can call it chicken you know nobody has nobody feels bad for chickens you can just call it a chicken you don't have to call it some exotic poultry name you know but like lamb is the name that you have they have such a tiny head chickens that's the small the brain the smaller the brain the less we care about them I think hm that's interesting we didn't maybe we didn't
have lamb growing up because it was a religious thing my mom was against it cuz the lamb was very bi biblical she would always say so I never ate lamb growing up really do you eat it now I don't like it I taste it I don't know if it's just me going no man you just never had it no Lamb's delicious if it's prepared right I mean the idea behind it is that it's just not it's not doesn't have tough muscle like you know that mousse that I cooked the other day that I had my uh my Instagram that's not the most tender meat like you have to cook it right otherwise it could be kind of tough and chewy it's cuz it's musle you you got to broil it no honestly the best way to do it really is stewing it stewing is probably the best way to deal with like the C the tougher cuts of meat like a slow leave it out for an hour and a half no no many hours you leave it out like five or six hours and do it in one like one of those crock pots you know you know those pressure cookers just leave it on they just it's not that hot and it just stays going all day and it breaks down all the tissue and anything that's tough it makes it so that you could chew through it easy just becomes really really really tender but if you broil it I've never had moose what does it taste like tastes like a cow [ __ ] a deer a little G yummy no yeah no it's not g that that word game is a weird word what does that word mean usually it means it's just been poorly prepared that someone either didn't take care of the meat correctly or they let the tarsel glands leak onto the flesh like when uh when you especially when you get game animals like a deer when they're uh when they're being hunted a lot of times they're being hunted while they're breeding that's when What's called the rut that's when people hunt them which is in November you know in the fall rather they have a gland on their legs called a tarsel gland especially deer if you get that stuff on the meat it'll be funky as [ __ ] it stinks it smells weird it'll make the food taste weird it ruin the meat oh yeah it can another thing can ruin the meat is just letting it sit out too long letting it you know go bad that can the what or bugs mhm or it it get it could get exposed to the organ meat the rotting organ meat before uh while while it's too warm like that can happen you know there's a lot of things
that can go wrong but most of it is preparation if you have deer that's prepared right if you get an animal it's taken care of correctly butchered correctly it doesn't taste gy at all it tastes delicious definitely tastes different but they as they get older they get funkier like you get like a real old Buck you know that's why it's kind of weird that everybody wants to shoot the big old ones with the giant antlers because those are the ones that kind of taste like [ __ ] but you want a young deer for food yeah you want a young deer but for conservation you kind of want an old deer because the old deer runs off the young deer and keeps them from breeding and maybe the young deer maybe be better if we got more of them young genetics into the uh into the food system there into the uh life cycle there you know yeah so um these deer how long do they how long like how old what how old is the old deer you know an old old deer years old is eight 8 years old is really old so young what a short life they have well their life is just jumping over barb wire and dodging coyotes great life unless you you live in one of those areas where that has like a deer sign where you might get hit by a car a good majority of them either freeze to death or starve to death that happens a lot ah I wouldn't say majority but a good percentage the most of them get taken out by Predators most of them or cars they get hit by cars a lot like the the numbers that get killed by hunters I wonder what the numberer than cars uh in some places for sure in some places there's hundreds of thousands of deaths uh of deer killed by cars every year I think in like Michigan find out how many deer are killed by car accidents in Michigan there's places in this country that are overrun with deer like people that live in like Manhattan and go leave those deer alone they're beautiful you know what in college a deer crashed through the dorm window in my dorm wa yeah and it no it was Easter weekend and this we woke up and on a Sunday and there only it was so creepy because everybody went home for Easter weekend except for a few kids so I was one of them and we're we wake up and go downstairs and there's blood all over the lobby of our dorm whoa yeah whoa and like this deer just jumped
in yeah that [ __ ] happens my friend cam uh some guy died in his neighborhood cuz he was driving home and the car in front of him hit a deer car in front of him hit a deer the deer went over the roof of that guy's car and crashed through his windshield and killed holy [ __ ] yeah what the [ __ ] we need deer proof windows well you're dealing if you're dealing with a big deer you're dealing with at least 150 lbs of uh of Bones and meat oh God 2013 look at this this number is going to blow you away 2013 there were [Music] that translates into one car deer crash every 9 Minutes wow these crashes are at least $30 million a year oh my God in Ohio I had those whistles on my car I'd always make sure that was the first thing I put on my car is those deer whistles on my car those are good but they don't always work yeah you need one of those goddamn battering ram bumpers you ever see those bumpers that they make just for deer in places where people live when they run into Deer so often they actually have bumpers that are designed to they like the front of them has like an angle so if they hit the deer the deer goes flying off the sides yeah yeah those are those are those are pretty good ones the one on the far right not that one Jamie not that one the one yeah look at that one look at that one had a deer stuck in it God boom that's crazy ouch that's [ __ ] up but for semi trucks it's a huge problem because obviously they drive the one down there keep going right there right right there that's it see how it's all over the uh the top it's over uh the top of the hood and everything as well that's just in case uh the thing comes up and over the top of the hood that it doesn't crush the hood and and disable the engine but most of them are designed so that when it hits a thing it bounces them off the left or the right it's a huge problem in a lot of areas protect the car exactly wow to protect the car but the deer gets mangled in there you still fed you still have to stop you stop you pull about your bus yeah do you have to do that or is there somebody could call to do that cuz I'm not going to you could call a tow truck company I'm sure you could call someone to do it if you paid them I'm sure someone would do it but
it's not that hard you just drive off but if you're trying to get Wi-Fi and get on Craigslist looking for somebody to remove deer from my dashboard I'm on 95 exit 18 I think the people that don't live anywhere around those animals would never imagine that there's 49,000 car accidents in a year in a [ __ ] state where cars hit deer but if you're ever around Michigan you would know I think this this should be Trump's new platform let's lower the amount of crashes caused by deer you know the Mex he needs to focus on something else right now he's number one why does he need to focus on anything you know what it seems to me I don't know anything about politics but what it seems to me on the outside not knowing anything about it it seems to me like everybody else is laying back they're waiting and they're letting Donald just jizz just letting Donald get out there and [ __ ] jerk off and make all this noise no one's no other Republicans are being loud like Jeb Bush is being very quiet no one's opposing that's their plan just let him like act like a fool Chris Christie that guy he goes on the news and all he does is talk about pot you know if you're if you're enjoying what he's trying to do is trying to not be president I think that slob has like some crazy criminal [ __ ] skeletons in his closet from [ __ ] that he did in New Jersey that's completely not Kosher and he just like if he becomes president all that shit's going to leak out so I think he's trying to ruin it now by like saying if you're smoking pot in Colorado enjoy it now because when I'm president all that stuff he's saying like why would you say stuff like that you know what popular opinion is popular opinion is Colorado is making millions of dollars a year in tax revenue they have the lowest incidents of drunk driving they've ever reported they have lower incidents than in violent crime they've had in a long [ __ ] time and a lot of this is attributed to marijuana so a rational [ __ ] person looking at that would say well look it's good money for the state even if you're conservative what do you want you want more tax revenue so we can hire more cops more fire more fire people more more teachers that's like what a conservative person would look at it like this is a smart way to do it is is fiscally prudent but no that's slob
he not in my state [ __ ] Bagels falling out of his face there should be you know how there's an age limit on like who could run for president there should be a weight limit no because you could be a giant and be awesome like what if you're like some 7 fo2 dude who weighs 500 lb okay how proportionate body fat percentage we would never let that happen if there was a 7 fo2 dude with a giant [ __ ] fire hydrant dick and he wanted to be president and he was smart in every way we'd be like how do we how would we know his dick was up big every time he talks every time he talks he do like a John Ham photo shoot well he just stands there and he's got this giant wad in his pants and everybody's like I think I mean it's got it look at the size of them and they just assume I don't think big guys have big dicks someone knows more than we do oh is that your ratio I mean have you noticed I don't know I don't know I'm just guessing because it just it just wouldn't it just wouldn't it wouldn't it wouldn't you know cuz they already have the height so it just wouldn't be fair for them to have a big dick and height you know cuz girls that's cute so you think the World's Fair how come anal opes don't have guns how come how come Lions have giant heads and huge teeth and antilopes don't have guns this is not a fair World we're living in how dare you doesn't make any sense see I always thought the opposite I've seen I've seen Short guys with big dicks so I just assume that tall guys must have small dicks well that's good math you should probably you know should probably work for the government see I would think everything's proportional to most part so if you're a big tall guy with big big feet you probably have a bigger dick than a normal 4 in guy yeah you you're not thinking that well that doesn't make any sense it to me it makes sense to you it makes sense well as long as it makes sense to you see that means that you have [ __ ] a very couple big tall guys and both of them their dicks weren't as big as you wanted and you're you're projecting it on no I I saw a tall guy with a small penis one time one time yeah and I'm basing it all on that one time one time I saw a Chinese dude with a black
girlfriend so I'm basing all Chinese dudes date black girls I get what you're saying that I think all Asian girls have small vaginas like like lengthwise yeah but that's that's a actual stereotype it's like black eyes having big dick that's like you're not going out a limb there but they say that giant dudes have little dicks that's that doesn't make sense that's going out on Lim I guess I've just always avoided giant dudes because I thought that they had little dicks maybe how ironic no so stupid Oh my God that's that is so ridiculous I love being stupid um how long you going to be in La for till Saturday you got gigs out here what are you doing where can the people see you I'm doing the Comedy Union today but is this going to go on today this is going on right now oh hey come to the Comedy Union what is the Comedy Union it's um a comedy club where's it at I don't know I got to look it up it's here angelist have you heard of it it's the black comedy club oh you do black rooms I do black rooms do you have black comedy that you do specifically for these African-American rooms or does it like you just do your own act no I just I just do my ACT do you do a lot of these African-American rooms stop calling him africanamerican am I supposed to call him Urban it's just I'm trying to be politically correct well don't be um they're just yeah I do a lot I do a lot in New York I do a lot of black rooms in New York so it's cool to be able to do one out here oh okay you know why do you do a lot of them do you just enjoy it because there they're so fun they're so fun yeah it's it's just you feel like you're just like riding waves of laughter you know nonstop like they just laugh harder they definitely do but they also they get bored of you quick which is good because it just makes you better you know Chris Rock said that once that he did a show with Martin Lawrence and then he realized that he had been doing too many white rooms he's like white people are too patient like he did a black show with Martin Lawrence and Martin Lawrence killed and he had to go on after Martin Lawrence and he was like oh snap [ __ ] I better get back to the black rooms cuz Martin Lawrence in the 1990s [ __ ]
monster a lot of people don't know he's one of those guys I've never seen him he's one of those guys that a lot of people they they sleep on him now because he kind of got a little bit he had some some issues with uh mental health and the law remember there was like he was running around with a wet suit on and yelling at people or something remember that he was like dehydrated they were saying he was dehydrated and saying a bunch of nutty [ __ ] and they pulled them in for some sort of you know they they did ran some tests on them they wanted to find out what the hell's wrong with them then he kind of faded off and he did some movies but he kind of stopped doing standup until recently yeah I forgot all about him just started doing it again though remember he was at the store a few weeks ago oh cool he was like doing the main room I didn't get a chance to see it though but uh I heard it was good he was [ __ ] awesome when I was when I was starting out though in the 90s I used to have to go on after him at The Comedy Store Dam oh my God I ate dick going on after him I ate dick when I I went on after him during this era during the you so crazy era MH I love that an extremely funny film well he got he's one of those guys that got banned from MTV too didn't he he get banned for some of the things that he said he was like something like made jokes about tampons or something like that and that was Kurt loer was like enough enough when they banned Dice Clay whenever they Bann Dice Clay for dece jokes enough now they have whole episodes on tampons on MTV of course they do Kurt loo where's he at I don't know just's trying to be respectable record store guy you know those guys that were like the the DJs of they were like the cool record store clerks you know they kind of knew what was good and what was not good they like cool DJ guys you know that like actually could pick and choose the music they liked like the old days when I used to listen to radio when I was a kid DJs were stars because a DJ I know a DJ is the first famous person I met M well What DJ like kind of DJ like a radio like the old E channel guy who was the the first one you met it was Dick beyonde and he he was a DJ for the
Chicago oldie radio station he's a famous guy well to me he was famous he was famous like on the air in Chicago yeah like he was like dick Beyond forgotten the oldies old that's funny that's him there's dick yeah I went to a mattress store to meet dick he does it looks exactly like Zappa that's hilarious he looks like Zappa from The Steve show oh my God he does that's hilarious he was a lot older than that well that was drawn before cameras were invented yeah they um they used to be able to pick the music so those guys were the cool guys like they us love him because I was like I love everything he picks you know he's picking Sam Cook and the Beach Boys and you know the Carpenters I thought it was awesome and I was like they used to really play records you know they used to actually play the record there was at one point in time the DJ was the guy laying the needle down think about that they used to pick the record you would hear mistakes probably oh yeah I'm sure sounded a lot cooler dude when I was a kid you would listen to the radio and you would hear a [ __ ] record skip it would happen all the time it would happen all the time like once every couple months or something like that someone would be playing whole lot of love or whatever and whole lot lot whole lot lot and it would just that's kind of cool no one would catch it for like a minute or so and you would be like working like on construction site going what the [ __ ] Jesus Christ get it right you [ __ ] yelling at them then finally someone would correct it he went on like a bathroom break and just let the record like repeat for like 3 minutes maybe probably cigarettes you know they probably they probably smoking cigarettes in the buildings back then oh yeah totally in the buildings remember Greg Fitzsimmons telling about his parents smoking cigarettes in the house in the middle of the winter all the windows rolled up solid tight and he's just living as a little kid in this house filled with chain smokers so my my best friend growing up his parents and I just stayed at his house every single day and in the cars they would have the windows rolled up in the cars during that's the thing about those talk shows too they all used to smoke cigarettes on the talk show they'd all be sitting
there like Johnny Carson used to smoke cigarettes see if we can find a video of that because it's so weird to watch Johnny Carson smoking cigarettes on The Tonight Show be like guest would be there and he would have an ashtray right there and they would just now when when weed is legalized in all 50 states then we'll just be smoking weed on The Tonight Show no because you HotBox people you know like that gig in Toronto then wear a mask you know how about you not smoke weed in front of you how about you just have an edible or smoke outside you know what I mean like some host will just be smoking weed well could you imagine if you were in a um bar and the other people drinking got you drunk that'd be [ __ ] right that's what it's like with weed the other people getting high literally get you high like secondhand high is real is it like I always wondered cuz I swear to God I read something once where they said no once it's in your mouth and it totally everything that you're blowing out is absorbed uh for weed that's not true it's not no definitely not that you know it's proof positive is that goddamn Toronto room yeah exactly that's the only reason I believe it dude people have gone up that were stone cold sober and they got hot boxed that Toronto room people been in his this podcast studio and got hot boxed I think sigur got hot boxed I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure Greg got hot box too yeah you get hot boxed hot box is real anybody that says it's not you you haven't done any they're Liars we always used to clam bake growing up we believed it growing up I like how Ed mcmah was always drunk Jake ELR Senor on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson play this I hear these guys talking back then look at Johnny Amendment look at this and there some time ago was a book put out by United States Senator most all of the book they're both smoking uh with uh the committee hearings rehash mhm and there was only one chapter in the book book was worth considering and that was where he saiding themselves to right uh under the Fifth Amendment well if if the Fifth Amendment is not good law if we are to be called criminals because we use it well then let's take it out of the
Constitution let's get rid of it what's the Fifth Amendment recall history or the reading of History rather any guess had some difficulty with with great proed you can't tell on people no person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise Infamous crime unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury except in cases arising in the land or Naval forces or militia huh I don't not sure I understand that means that's not a good one pleading the fifth means you're not supposed to talk right you plead the fifth you don't have to talk that's what it is protects a person against being compelled to a witness stand okay himself or herself in a criminal case how weird is that that we have a law like that like or itself yeah it is that like if you're a non-gender specific person if you're half alien oh but he's a he's still a dude he was banging that chick right maybe that's why she was sticking around maybe it was a tentacle that's why she came back see if he came back to life again bring that dick back I want a social security number for Jeffrey lash what a weird thing it is that you can say I don't want to testify like Esther you know uh we caught you with a kilo of cocaine and you got a gun and uh how do you plead I plead the fifth you don't have to talk and they then they decide whether or not you're guilty look at what a great country we live in folks that just seems a very bizarre that seems very bizarre that you shouldn't have to you can't even use that in relationships you know like who's underwear is this you know I plead the F who the [ __ ] was was here you know you can because you kind of have the court of your own life it's just it's not going to fly most people are most people going to go they're going to bang that Mallet order Order in the Court whose [ __ ] underwear is this again there's put a gun to your head there's no fifth in this house I plead the fifth that's a weird thing to be able to do like if you got caught with a dead body you don't have to talk and then they decide whether or not your gu that doesn't ever really hold up in court does course does fif
fif I pr it fif Chappelle yeah it holds up in court yeah it's that's that's an amendment to the Constitution I don't know if that you can be compelled to testify I don't there's there there are times where you can be compelled to answer I don't know no you can just sit there and say nothing and be put in a hole yeah I guess so right there must be some stenographers who have just written plead the fifth to every question that they've asked I'm sure well that's why like when sug Knight gets arrested he falls down falls down pretends he's blacking out like that's what he does like whenever they they like say like he's getting sentenc the bill bails 10 million bucks he collapses like so they they have to take him out of there and then they have to take him to the infirmary and they have to you know he starts breathing hard I think it's better to be in medical care than it is to be in the cell so if you're smart every time they sentence you you just [ __ ] have a seizure make your nose bleed you don't have to even show them just fall down just I can't breathe I can't just fall down just fall down say you're weak I'm blacking out they can't prove you're not blacking out so they have to take you to the doctor and take care of you oh what a great idea I love falling down he's a dude who's been around the block what a great idea I love falling down I read a book on how to prevent osteoporosis and there's an entire chapter on how not to fall down what yeah because us you know so what do they say what's the advice they say they say U walk slowly and they said it's by a doctor and they by a doctor [ __ ] they said um whenever there's handrails hold on to the handrails and if there's no handrail hold on to the wall or a person why were you reading this because I like like reading on how to be healthy you like how is I I like I like being able to prevent diseases the idea that is just like walk slowly oh okay that's what you have to do that's I was I was running around and I was just falling down if I had a choice between buying a house with stairs and buying a house with no stairs I would because I've read that book and because I know that you know osteop like like you know falling down does weaken
your bones and I would rather buy a Jesus Christ Esther how have you made it so far seriously how have you made it this far in life with this kind of logic how are you here fully dressed fed you have a phone you have a car no for real the no for real I just wouldn't have stairs I've got it figured I'm going to walk slow stair house because and keep away from tall guys cuz they might have little di the probability of you falling if you live in a just a one level house is lower so no that's not true cuz you a lot of times people they don't fall downstairs all the time people fall in the kitchen they fall getting out of the tub that's a big one slip getting out of tub I almost fall in my tub like every time I get in it I'm like oh [ __ ] I almost di I have a friend who fell in her tub she broke ribs [ __ ] ribs M yeah you can get [ __ ] up and breaking ribs is a bummer have you ever broken a rib no I haven't broken anything I broke me neither I broke rib at least at least two times I think more I think I broken them more but I've also broken the cartilage in between the ribs at least six or seven times doing what mostly martial arts people punching you kicking kicking you kicking you is a big one wow the set what happens is the RBS even if the RBS the ribs even if the ribs don't break what happens is you get kicked really hard and they separate so the the the cartilage in between the ribs breaks and so then it pops like when you breathe you could feel it moving and you have to wait till that [ __ ] stops moving and you have to wait till it to heal up so it's months and months and months before you can do anything can you smoke weed this is before I was smoking weed oh so but I would imagine you could smoke weed but it's going to [ __ ] hurt anytime you do that it's going to hurt like anything we expand the thing about ribs any movement like that was a thing like Jose Aldo one of the UFC fighters had a pull out of his title fight because he got a broken rib and uh they were saying well he's going to try to rest and try to heal up but you can't even you can't even exercise like he would gain weight he'd never be able to make weight you can't do any kind of training and if anybody hits you in that rib again
you're [ __ ] like it's it's super dangerous like the rib can actually break loose and go into your organs it's like the whole design of that thing is a cage around your internal organs but it it's pliable would you rather get H in the ribs or get a concussion and black out hit in the ribs all day 100% yeah yeah I would rather have the pain the pain of getting a broken rib I mean You' still do damage to your organs and [ __ ] but damage to your head is a totally different ball game damage to your head is very [ __ ] dangerous I've had damage to my head in case you couldn't tell no [ __ ] way how how recently right before this show I think but I can't remember no like a few years ago I had a concussion really what happened I got mugged in New York no [ __ ] yeah what happened um I was walking to a show and I I blame this purse that I bought I bought like a vintage beautiful Coach purse and that was like my first fancy purse you know so I'm walking to a show and I have this purse and all of a sudden I'm just knocked out like I don't remember what happened and I never saw who hit me but somebody hit me on the head and I was just like on the ground waa yeah where what street where was this um it was in Bushwick on like near the Grand Street lstop what is bushw at Brooklyn it's Brooklyn yeah it's like past Williamsburg is that a sketchy area yeah it's like where all these like artists are building Lofts and you know have Studios yeah and there's a bunch of art studios and stuff there but it's still crime it's still like you know a tough neighborhood so there's like nobody on the street cuz it was like a Sunday at like 600 p.m. or something and so you have no idea what happened yeah I never saw did you call the police no I woke up in some lady's apartment whoa and the police were already there Jesus Christ and it was like a super 70s apartment and I was like looking at them like I didn't know where I you know what I mean it was like my first time blacking out so I just like was looking at them like who are you why what am I doing like I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone where did you get hit do you know um I had a black eye so probably like up here somewhere wow yeah nobody saw it nobody saw it this lady heard me scream and called the cops so
she screamed I screamed yeah huh and they ran off and my purse was still there the purse was still there yeah they got scared probably cuz I screamed but you got knocked out yeah so you don't remember screaming you don't remember anything you don't really know what happen remember screaming so you must have been probably fighting with them to try to keep your purse and then you got hit cuz if you got knocked out you wouldn't be able to scream after you got knocked out right unless you woke up screaming maybe but I don't remember anything wow yeah that's [ __ ] when did this happened um like maybe four or five years ago five years ago that is so godamn scary that people can do that to someone over a a purse just I mean I'm assuming it was a purse you know but who knows what they why they were doing it some like they say that there's like a a knockout game you know where people just go around like knocking people out for fun yeah I've seen that you know it that might have been yeah and now it's about the time period where that was going on also there videos of that so I don't know if that's and there was no video of it you know it's just a residential block so [ __ ] man it's hard horrible how how long did it take before you recovered oh a few months Jesus Christ yeah it happened like like I would like want to go to comedy shows but I didn't want to like show up with the black eye you know Jesus Christ so I just like stayed home but what about your head how' your head feel um you know the cops just said I was really lucky they just kept saying that like nothing else happened to me you know so I felt fine because I didn't I didn't I never saw anybody coming after me with like a poll or you know what I mean like so you just woke up it wasn't it wasn't so traumatizing because I never remembered what happened did you always feel weird about looking around now while you're walking after that yeah now I got a bodyguard you know travel why you looking at Brian if that's your bodyguard you got to tell me specifically what you're planning on doing with them yeah no now I'm now I'm super like careful or like I'll have somebody walk with me or something you know right
right yeah well it's a dark world out there sometimes sometimes people are [ __ ] evil as [ __ ] the fact that someone could just hit little tiny girl like you what do you weigh 100 pound 100 something one 10 you don't weigh 110 yeah I'm all muscle oh wow I'm amazed she so [ __ ] up someone could do that someone could hit you knock you out and just leave you on the side of the road and that's how people die like that man and people die like that all the time Kevin James was uh working as a bouncer in this uh nightclub in Long Island and the guy who was working with killed a guy accidentally who's a bouncer as well there was something going on drunks craziness punched some guy guy fell down unconscious bangs his head off the ground dead that's what happens you never know like you have to hold back so many punches like you want to punch somebody but you never know they could die well you see the problem is people see movies people get like pistol whipped whack and they fall down and they wake up ah what happened then they they can still duke it out and brawl like if somebody hits you in the back of the head with a metal Hammer which is essentially what a hammer is a gun is Rather somebody pistol whips you you're [ __ ] like you're [ __ ] for many months you might not ever be the same again my friend got hit in the head Ryan Parsons you met Ryan he got hit in the head with a golf ball he was [ __ ] up for six months somebody hit a line drive hit him right in the head he went down screaming in agony blacked in and out of consciousness wasn't the same for 6 months couldn't go outside couldn't see the sun sunlight would kill him it would give him piercing headaches loud sounds couldn't read [ __ ] man wow yeah [ __ ] it's not good we had a guy on yesterday was talking about his friend who was in her 40s uh my friend kirck his friend was in her 40s and she was doing a street Lou you know what that is it's kind of like you know like a bob sled but on the street and you're no like like you know you're lying down on a skateboard or something like that she WIP out banged her head really hard and she was [ __ ] just [ __ ] and like pretty much permanently permanently [ __ ] oh my God yeah they told her to uh not read not talk to people don't do after 6 months
they said you can get a a pet chicken don't get a cat or a dog cuz they're too interactive like literally like the like her brain do supposed to dogs are supposed to help like you know theys and stuff but your dog's [ __ ] all over your carpet and you got a headche you're like Jesus [ __ ] somebody taking care of the dog but yeah you'd have to have someone like doing everything cleaning after the dog All That Jazz wow I met I met a woman at one of my shows in Brooklyn she had no hands or or feet what happened to her well she came up to me after the show and she like wanted to like give me a hug she's like you're so funny and she had like these stops and she said you remind me of the girls who did my nails when I had hands oh jeez and I was like whoa I said then like I said well [ __ ] so much to do it was like racism mixed with I'm Korean I'm not Vietnamese what the [ __ ] ho I was like I was thinking like I wouldn't bring it up if I just met her any other way right but since she brought up her hands I was like what happened to your hands and she said that she had had um something wrong with her appendix went to the hospital and the doctor put the wrong name like mixed up her charts and they amputated her hands and her feet oh my god when she was only supposed to get her appendic taken out or something very minor what yeah and then a few weeks after that comedy show where I met her I saw on the front page of the paper in New York it said so and so when ever her name was I forgot her name uh given $14 million or whatever you know like the that's it for your hands and your feet well I forget how much it was but no hand jobs for life it was maybe longer and I met her boyfriend oh jez God can you imagine dating that happening to your girlfriend and like uh yeah I'll stick around with right I know and I asked so crazy I asked him I said how long have you guys been together he was like a year when that happened wow I was like what man you're such a good guy you know she can't even like wipe her ass or maybe he went to the [ __ ] hospital and switched the things oh here she is I found her right there but you know what she was so
that's just so bizarre she was so happy that like you know you wonder like how look at that how she can be happy but she was so like she was in such a good mood like she was just like loving the comedy show she was so appreciative of like she was having a great time wow and I was like you know there's no reason that anybody should have to commit suicide like you know this woman doesn't even have hands and she's happy I see a point in that regard but I think people commit suicide because of mental issues I think the mind the depression that people go through some people go through some [ __ ] unbearable depression just I don't understand it I don't know it but I I know people have gone through it and there's something that happens to the human mind when the serotonin dope mean levels are off where you just don't want to be alive you just would rather shut the lights off I get it and once you think that you don't want to be alive that just takes over and everything is just doomed from then on yeah my friend's going through it right now and I was trying to talk to him the other day and it's just like you can't no matter what you say it's not going to change his mind of how horrible everything is and it's it's I you wish that you could just like show them pictures of like happier times like remember when we went to the water park right and have it work you know like and have it work or you know show them memories of like you wish you could just show them videos of you know happier times that they've had yeah there's so many variables too there's like your life could be sucky and there's no end in sight there's no light at the end of the tunnel or it could be chemical and your life is sucky or it could be a series of sad things that have happened to you and failures or losing jobs or you know being depressed ressed and unemployable or you know there's a lot of things that people just they a series of events take place and then they reach this point where they feel like it's never going to get any better and they just don't want to play anymore they just don't want to do it anymore there's a comedian who saved a guy jumping off the bridge the George Washington Bridge like this huge comedian he like held him oh my God for like hours or something
for like a really long I I couldn't I don't think you could hold him for hours but maybe not for hours but he was like a complete hero that day sort of till the guy jumped the next day [ __ ] you stupid I'm doing it right how's your arm sore for nothing I think that there's people that just don't want to be here anymore they're going to die eventually you know that's what's really [ __ ] up it's like we want them to stay alive we want to save them but we also know that this is a temporary ride and they're hating this ride this ride sucks for them yeah and so it's so hard to tell them hey man stick around for what what am I sticking around for so they can keep doing this for another years and then what and then it's over they just need somebody to talk to you know people just like people have become Hermits and they don't want to leave their house and you know like our society allows that to happen because like the way it's built nowadays with so many conveniences like you could just get food delivered you could get anything delivered to your house I had Olive guarded you don't have a reason to like leave your house and you could just let it pile up and become a mess avard delivers no but there's apps now like she said that we'll deliver anything so I go through the app order it in like 40 minutes I had all and you could just be addicted to internet porn and just never leave your house did that well there's a lot of people that do that there's a guy that I know that's he's like a professor I'm G to get him on eventually but he thinks there's nothing wrong with being addicted to porn he said the way he equates it is being addicted to porn is like being addicted to sports or being addicted to games or playing videos like he's like it's just you're you're enjoying something like everybody has this bad idea in their head that like the obsession about porn is so awful whereas like the obsession about video games is just at the most unfortunate or you know he hadn't had sex with a real life human being in years how do you know maybe I think he's just a professor I'm not necessarily think I don't necessarily think he's talking about himself I think he's trying to make some sort of a rational argument for why we have this unusual attitude about sex that we don't apply to everything else
like if someone really loves cars like say if you're like a guy who like loves vintage cars and you just want like there's there's people like I looked at this house uh that was for sale uh that was in the Pacific Northwest and it was the guy was a Ferrari fan like he loved Ferraris so he had Ferrari design his kitchen he's like had a Ferrari kitchen and then he had a glass wall from his living room to this enormous garage that was filled with Ferraris and this guy was just obsessed with Ferraris he's just a rich guy who loved and he had old ones and he had new ones and he had like vintage ones and this guy was just obsessed he had Ferrari books and magazines but if that was porn you wouldd think he's a creep right you know if it's cars you're like wow this guy [ __ ] loves Ferraris you don't get it but you you don't judge him you go well I guess he just really likes Ferraris whatever he's got money who cares but if you went over his house and it's all just blow up dolls and dildos that's Yoshi's house yeah it is joi's house he's like if you need a place to stay let me know you can get pregnant just walking through the door Yoshi's place but you know what I'm saying it's like why why do we get I think it's because we have weird attitudes about sex and we also have the attitude that porn at least some of it dehumanizes women like porn at least some of it makes you look at women like they're an object not not an equal not a person just something to [ __ ] that's why they have a hard time meeting a real live woman because they've been desensitized to it so much they want to treat a woman like that the minute they meet her you know he doesn't he like they don't have they don't have the time to get to know you they don't have the patience to get they're just like sitting there on a date probably thinking why isn't she taking her clothes off and licking my balls you know that's what everybody thinks by the way but they just keep it to themselves yeah definitely well those scenarios too it's just like like we were talking about earlier kind of any scenario that you depict in a movie it become like The Lion King or Simba or any of that [ __ ] it becomes the Yogi Bear it becomes like how you start thinking of bear
well if you watch too many movies where girls just call a plumber and start sucking his dick you just assume that this is how people operate and behave the same way you assume Yogi Bear is going to try to take your picnic basket and not eat your kids you know we have these weird images in our head because of the media and porn as much as it doesn't seem like it's the media absolutely 100% is it's you're watching I think my college boyfriend was addicted to porn why you think that because um I thought his name was John for the longest time and then everybody on his dorm floor was like yo is porno John here and I was like what the [ __ ] is porno John they're like well there's two John's on our floor he's porno John yeah cuz he liked porno cuz he was like he had the most porn out of everybody on his floor maybe he's just really good at collecting [ __ ] I may he knew I hope so so you hope so now I hope so now yeah or was he a Freak no he was like regular was freakier than him whoa yeah why were you freaky because like I don't know I I think when you're young you just like sometimes have sex and you don't care about the other people's feelings you know you do you have gangster sex is that what you do no you crazy on dudes smack them after you come after he came I would keep going yeah and he would be like I'm trying to do my homework do you mind um well it sounds like he's really you need to find a better dude well that's what every guy wants every guy wants a girl wants to have sex all the time that's what I mean he so he wasn't that much of a freak they he they named him porno John but it could be that porno John was all out of come because he was just beating off like crazy while you weren't around so when you were around he was like yeah real woman then once he came once he like woo I'm done I'm [ __ ] exhausted cuz he already ran like five marathons that day you know so running up a flight of stairs was exhausting for a normal person running up a flight of stairs is pretty common place right yeah porno John he just been beating off into a cup all day when I when I found out his name was por John I should have broke up with him then instead I let it go on for like years but that's ridiculous cuz you're the
freak you're the one who wanted sex all the time so why would you care if you watched porn well at the time I did because I was like brainwashed by all these like you know I see romantic comedies or you know magazines or whatever do romantic comedies do to get mad they're romantic comedies where a woman gets mad if a guy's using porn yeah except if it's like some of the hipper ones you know like the I think so I felt like I was like brainwashed by that you know like to think that porn bad to think that if he's watching porn that he must not want me and I would like I would like make a big fight now I don't care I think porn is you know fun to watch but care if he watches girls get mad at you yeah like she she would get I had girls get mad at me that if I followed porn people on Instagram Twitter to the point of like why I'm not doing it for you type thing like it it got so bad where I wasn't allowed to do porn or even have photos of women as wallpapers or anything like that I think when I was younger I was taught to like think that it's you know you're just supposed to take it personal if personally if you don't if he's watching porn you must not be enough or something you know is that from your friends or who's that from it's probably from growing up in the midwest that's right Chicago they have that sort of morals yeah mid like Chicago is still the Midwest even though it's a big city it's just it's still like right frown upon crazy behavior you know so I was like let me get out of here you guys suck I'd love Chicago but I see what you're saying I think those spots in the middle of the country you know there's a lot of there's a lot of hold over thinking that's starting to change though isn't it is it starting to change all across the country people becoming more and more open-minded wouldn't you imagine that well when I moved here Joe uh like you would talk about masturbating all the time and I remember one time you were talking about how you were Ma you masturbated the other day to something and I was like I can't believe he's telling me this right now I out loud like I was so like like shy about it imagine that him like recently no this is like 13 years ago oh when you first he started working for me about 13 years ago I guess right yeah
that's cool but but that's how changed it is in the midwest though like talking about poop out loud no that's why Brian seems childlike because really he's experiencing this for the first time whereas like most people they're like by the time they're 10 by the time they're 10 years old they're actually 10 he he he came here as an infant 30-year-old it's true but you you would agree right like if if you know growing up in Chicago you don't wouldn't openly talk about masturbation and in front of people and stuff like that right I would like Xerox copy like sex sex cartoons and put them in my planner and like sex cartoons you know like yeah like there was like a joke book or you know there's like a cartoon book with sex jokes that I thought was funny and it was like you know a fly with a big dick or something and you know it would look like a you know one of those like really you know hastily made drawings that just have like one word or one phrase or something with like you know somebody holding a [ __ ] bucket or you know and I would just like think those were funny and I would spread rumors in my school about like sex ed cuz that was always like oh we're having sex ed you know we're in sixth grade and so I'd be like you know so our class went first in sex head so the the afternoon class was like oh was it like and I was like well Mrs Elmore and Mr Reynolds got naked and had sex and they were like what who I would like start rumors like that you know and people believed me is that how you became a comic Yeah by just being inappropriate but being funny in school being funny in school and being kind of like people didn't expect it you're you're a small cute girl and you're saying these dirty things well and the teacher like so I would never get in trouble either because I would always just find somebody somebody who look like red band and blame it on him you know good move and be like I didn't I didn't do that that's a good move he changed the whole schedule you're weird yeah you're a bully it's funny though I am a bully how you get in fights a lot though don't you um like physical fights what I mean maybe not physical you get in fights no I don't get in fights now what are you talking about where you making this up from earlier she said something about uh uh punching uh you said something about
you never know when to stop punching and I thought you were talking personally I was going to ask you if you I met you as in anybody out there listening you he thought I meant me oh you never know when to stop punching what you never you want to be careful who you punch mhm because you know they might crack their head open and die right you know you assume that she got in a lot of fights because of that well no cuz she she said something like uh you you you you never know when to stop punch punching it and how she said it she says like you like as in like you know you never know when to stop punching so I was thinking like I turn Italian too do you follow are you following what he's saying no why does he think that you get in fights you get arguments people or something understand I understand why he would think that why do you are you feisty is that what this is um I mean I have been but I'm not like that's not my normal State you know you don't see she doesn't seem like someone gets in fight no it was just how she said it earlier okay I was just trying to sound like I knew how to fight because you guys talk about MMA a lot the time so oh yeah that's what we do so did you fly down here just to hang out and do some shows yeah how many days you down here for till Saturday thinking about moving to California saying [ __ ] Miami I think you are right I love it here it's the best right uhhuh it's best comedy community dude she had come last night The Comedy Store was off the [ __ ] hook last night the roast battle oh the roast battle and the original room the original room was sold out it was mobbed it was amazing and then upstairs the roast battle was crazy packed and [ __ ] hilarious who was the kid that went on first the the guy who the roast battle the blonde guy with the glasses find Jamie find that dude that guy was [ __ ] money it's too too crowded to even go in there and watch it so like I didn't get to see any of the uh so who organizes who's going to battle who that's a good question I don't know the answer to that but Brian Moses is the host and um it's a it's a perfect length show cuz it happens late at night it happens like 11:45 and it only lasts like an hour it's like it's in and it's over you know by 1:00 in the morning everybody's going home it's perfect it's perfect and it's
monstrously fun that's his name Jeff yeah Jeff sewing goddamn that dude's funny he he killed dude he's really [ __ ] good he's a funny guy man I don't know how long that guy's been doing standup I think they said four years keep an eye on him Jeff sewing s e w i n g and what I one of the things I love about that place is it's open like uh to like young upand cominging Comics they can make a name for themselves there like people like there's some people that on the show last night um that weren't that good and there's there's a couple that were like kind of shaky but the fact that they get a chance like if you're if you're you don't have to have a bunch of you know resume items that you can call upon you don't have to have like a bunch of uh credits to your name you can just be a local comic who is down on their luck you go up there you can Crush like this guy this Jeff guy and just smash it and then we'll be talking about you the next day and everybody will be talking about you it's just it's an amazing showcase and it's a live [ __ ] experience like roast battle is one of the cool like it was never there when I was there in the old days of The Comedy Store this new ver it's one of the pieces of uh the new comedy store that like that I point to when I talk about how much better it is there now it's just a better environment everything's better the young upand cominging guys are better the young up girls they're all better there's just more energy more life and then this [ __ ] like kill Tony and the roast battle those two things are just giant for that place giant it's great for new Comics it's one of the best things ever both of those shows both of those shows kill Tony's giant for new Comics Giant and there's yeah and there's so many Comics that are like uh you know that are on kill Tony that have almost become regulars that are already you know surpassing people that have been doing it for 10 years in in comedy just because of the internet and and the idea of it being broadcast and podcast and all that stuff it's it's great for them if forces you to like hit another level early you know especially like girls like Kim and Sarah because they're doing if you never uh watched or listened to kill Tony on the death squad podcast Network it um kill Tony is a a podcast
where they have new Comics go up they do one minute have you seen it right have you ever been on it no I've never been on it you should be on it as a host or as a judge rather it's awesome so fun I've seen it happen yeah you're not really a judge you're like a comedy Expert Com working comic so they do a minute everybody does one minute and then the comics talk about your minute and sometimes they go dude you're [ __ ] awesome you got a real future and sometimes they go just stop don't do this anymore right I've seen they're like what do you do for a day job keep it actor but Kim and Sarah do a new minute yeah Kim conden Sarah wiin Shank do a new minute every week wow gangster MH so ballsy that's awesome to be able to do that to be able to come up with a new and to put it on the internet so they're all of their comedy career like especially Kim from the beginning to like Sarah did it a little while before she did that's so ballsy all of her sets all of her sets a brand new minute every week brand new minute every week yeah and because of that it forces her and she she won last night in the roast battle very close [ __ ] battle like it could have gone either way easily it was amazing that she ended it well she ended it with a bomb she did she knows how to do it I mean she's this is her fifth win at roast battle she knows how to handle it she's a fighter that dude Jeff though he was [ __ ] vicious oh like I felt bad laughing at some of the [ __ ] that he was saying but it was that poor girl oh it was ruthless oh she tried she tried she went after him and she got him with some good ones too but he had some nuclear weapons it was [ __ ] up it was like she pulled out some big cannons and [ __ ] him up and then he just dropped nuclear bombs and leveled the landscape to the point where people were falling out of chairs I was curled up in a fetal position on the two chairs and then the Negro wave they have these guys if you never watched the roast battle before these guy and you can watch it on Periscope too you don't have to be in LA but if you are in LA on a Tuesday night get to the goddamn Comedy Store and you got to get tickets early cuz it's always sold out but they have this whenever someone kills with a joke the Negro wave jumps up and they scream and who's it Jamal who the dude who poured water on
himself Jamar Jamar oh my God this kid's funny he's a real yolked black dude with shaved head and he pulls his pants down to like middle of his dick and he pour they pour water on him and he's dancing he climbs up on chairs and he's grinding in people's faces and it's all just because this joke was it killed so hard that they act up and get crazy and it makes it 10 times funnier it's such a good show like every time I walk out of there I have this giant smile on my face and I feel like I've seen something cool you know I I feel like I've been a part of something like this is like I I don't there's no place like this I don't know any yeah I saw they did one in Montreal this week too yeah yeah they're doing it in Montreal too yeah they did it at the festival so it's [ __ ] great and you're doing a podcast with Brian Moses right who's a host of it we actually have the uh podcast version of uh the roast battle on Death Squad now called verbal violence with Coach T and Brian Moses and it's the second episode was released in the third episode should be anytime now beautiful and Brian Moses what a good dude we got to have him in he's such a good dude such a funny dude and just a good comic he's going to be great that kids going to be giant verbal violence available Ence um so what else is going on Esther why don't you have a podcast do you have a podcast um well I do want to start a podcast and I I actually one today I I did record three episodes what happened to them um I'm just waiting to get more before I release them why would you do that because like in case I don't find more people or in you know in case I run out what if I like air three episodes one each week or let's say every Monday and then the fourth week I just I don't have one do a solo one that's okay move to California see the beautiful thing yeah you can move to California and Brian will just sexually harass you Studio every week but you can do one whenever you want that's the beautiful thing about the internet right you don't have to be regular right no no you don't have to be regular you have a bunch of of Twitter followers Facebook friends and all that jazz so I wanted to start a podcast and I have a name for it what's it called cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs no it's called The Poo podcast cuz I like talking about my
poo all right you and Brian we should get married well that's not going to work out but maybe she just be friends po bab I think almost nobody should get married how about that don't yeah yeah just nothing wrong with being together but the here's the thing about the marriage that's really goofy is the legal contract aspect of it to Bringing In other people and signing paperwork and stuff just like what how can you like stamp that on love you know it's just so the only way it makes sense to me is when you have children you have children and the wife doesn't want to get stuck with no money I I have a friend who's married who's not married and is pregnant and I know that baby's going to grow up in a loving home with two parents you know like you don't have to get married to have kids in that scenario I hope you're correct but I think for a lot of women they want like legal protection they want to be able to like be able to get money when they break up not just child support but even alimony be able to pay for themselves too if they've been living their life like being you know taking care of the child and they made some sort of a mutual deal and then dude just decides a [ __ ] jet listen [ __ ] I'm moving to Jamaica I've never wanted to get married you know like it just seems like you're just tied down well that's why they made divorce right cuz yeah but you are tied down I mean that's exactly what it is it's a legal contract it's C the only thing makes sense like I said the only time it makes sense is if you have children this is coming from someone who Happ married needs a green card that's a good move for it too I know people have done that that's a good move I get that you make $115,000 but if you have children I can get I can understand why a woman would want some sort of Legally binding sort some sort of insurance that she's going to be getting money from this guy that she had babies with that makes sense to me you know what drives me crazy though is the non-baby alimony like you don't have babies and you have to pay forever like I have a buddy who's married for more than 12 years I don't if you know how California works but California works if you if it goes over a certain amount of years I think it's like 12 you have to pay alimony forever forever
forever forever forever forever ever until kid no there's no kids there's no kids here's my here's my friend story married or common law marriage married married common law marriage I believe isn't much different I think you could just sue the [ __ ] out of somebody if you have a common law marriage like if you've been living together and they've been supporting you for certain amount of time but this is this is my friend's story and this is a very good friend so I know the details of this intimately I've had [ __ ] sweaty conversations with this guy where if I introduced him to a Hitman he probably would have taken it he probably would have not really he's not a murderer but I don't want to get my friend in trouble but my friend was married to this woman for a long time and the last few years it was real rough and he's just like God damn it I can't do this anymore and he doesn't know what to do and then uh one day he decided to get out and she was Furious and she prolonged the divorce forever she tortured him during the divorce because when you don't have a prenup then you have to argue over each point of the divorce well her idea was since it was all his money because she she didn't have a job and he was supporting her he had to pay for her lawyer as well as his lawyer I heard some lawyers do it for free knowing that they'll get paid at the end oh most certainly they would do that but they don't have to do that if the woman is in a scenario where the man pays for everything and she doesn't have a job well the man has to pay for her [ __ ] divorce it's like going to war and you have to pay for the other Army General if she doesn't have a job and has no income and has been living off of whatever he makes m how are they supposed to go to court exactly if he doesn't pay for her lawyer she should get a [ __ ] job I mean she's she doesn't have kids there's no reason why she doesn't have a job but even though he doesn't want to be with her anymore he's legally bound to be with her okay so he has this this law contract with her this legal marriage contract and it goes on for almost two years where she makes an agreement they they they come to some sort of agreement and then she drags it out even further she changes the what she wants and she's allowed to do that she's allowed to change it
whatever she she doesn't have to agree to anything so she keeps fighting it and so since she's fighting it with his money she's just bleeding him and bleeding him and she knows he has a lot of money she knows exactly how much money he makes so she keeps bleeding him over and over and over again cuz she used to do his bookkeeping no she didn't do his bookkeeping she doing a damn thing she walked a little dog around Pacific Palisades that's what she did she didn't do nothing isn't that where Jeffrey lash was uh yes This Woman's an alien anyway anyway my point is this [ __ ] went on for like 2 years and cost him insane ungodly amounts of money then after it's all over he lost his house so she lives in this beautiful house it's overlooking the ocean I mean it is [ __ ] stunning it's amazing house and he has to pay her alimony for the rest of her life until she gets married if she gets married or cohabitates get married ah but that's where this is where it's crazy so now she has a boyfriend but the boyfriend lives with her why would he live in his [ __ ] shitty house when they can live in this beauti house overlooking the ocean so the boyfriend moves in and then they send inspectors over to find out if the boyfriend is living there she knows the inspectors are coming so he grabs all his stuff puts it in a [ __ ] U-Haul literally drives a mile away Parks the U-Haul waits for the inspectors to leave turns back around reloads all his [ __ ] back into the house again wow cuz he if if this guy and her married the gravy train stops but if the guy and her together she gets hundreds of thousands of dollars every year hundreds of thousands of dollars like she's living anent lifestyle with a man that she just used to date she used to date him they haven't been together like romantically in more than a decade but this guy every week is writing fat checks fat [ __ ] checks and sending him off in the mail hundred it's driving a mad that's what Trump should run on what divorce alimony rights but it doesn't always work that way it's like this guy just it a combination of a ruthless woman who knows the system good lawyers that can manipulate a guy who makes a lot of money you know there's a lot of a lot of stuff involved in it he should uh hire inspectors or private investigators get
the inspectors to come back have the video of them taking the U-Haul it's not good enough it's not good enough he could he could leave a certain amount of personal items there the PO the point is like he they're manipulating it like all he has to do is keep an apartment he could have the shittiest apartment in Compton and then like no this is my place and like stay over her house 99% of the time just go over his house take a [ __ ] and leave and they can't force them to get married no they can't get on your knees and propose right now yeah and and because it's if it's common law after a certain amount of years I wonder if the money stops then but either way this guy is just beyond [ __ ] and it drives him crazy and he doesn't you know he doesn't even like this person not only does he not like he knows that she spent millions of dollars fight of his money fighting him in this divorce settlement and then once it came out and you not talking about a guy who did anything terrible he didn't kill anybody he didn't Rob anybody he didn't but he's become a victim of legal system and this legal system has him obligated to pay this woman until she stops breathing on planet Earth Jesus Christ wow [ __ ] California why are we she's only like I think she's in her 40s and they were married for 12 years yeah so if they if they live another 30 or 40 years this [ __ ] guy has to pay her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and I think it's almost a million I think it's not just hundreds of thousands I think it's many many hundreds of thousands and he's a wealthy man don't get me wrong he's done very well but he works for a living and this is a guy who has his own business just collects checks for a living he's not a he's not a thief I mean he's not like there's not this guy's not doing anything unscrupulous to make this money so this is all money that he earned because he he runs his own business and he's a [ __ ] Workhorse this guy and he dated a woman that was better looking than him he [ __ ] up he dated a woman that's better looking than him and it didn't work out and then you know he just thought I don't need a prenuptual I love her she doesn't want a prenuptual so this is how crazy this guy is he gets married again after this and his new wife wants to have no prenup and he was
he was thinking of going through with it and everybody was [ __ ] grabbing him don't you [ __ ] do this we've been going through this with you for the past three [ __ ] years you are not going to do this no he didn't he got a prenup he got a very generous prenup but is a prenup and they got married the point being a prenup at least if even if it's ridiculous even if like you know Esther and Brian get married and and Brian has to pay Esther a million dollars a year for the rest of her life if they break up at least that's set in stone where she can't say [ __ ] you Brian I want $3 million I can't believe I sucked your dick I can't believe it I want the [ __ ] money and that's what happens when people get angry at each other when they get divorced they just fight and they fight and they fight and then there becomes this I'm going to break this [ __ ] that's the thing about getting married is that divorce fights sound [ __ ] awful well they only sound awful because they can be awful that's the thing that that's really crazy about marriage is because they can be awful you can demand there's a legal thing going on there's a contract that's disputed so you can battle about it whereas like if you guys were just dating okay and you broke up well that's it it's over I Brian says I don't want to date you anymore and you're like [ __ ] you I don't want to date you anymore either but want money Brian would be like what are you talking about I'm not giving you money like get away from me you know get out of here stop you change your phone number and we're over it's over the the the the the battle ends but if you're married ah the battle's Just Begun Jesus Just Begun SC as F and then the lawyers get together and they they they touch each other and they rub hands and they go we're going to clean this [ __ ] out because you got two lawyers who are working for the same guy and they're battling a different position one war he's working for you but you're battling for the wife but you're still getting the checks from the same guy he's [ __ ] so they know that they all they have to do is stretch this dance out so they kept this dance going for I think more than two years more than two years this guy was going through divorce wow just just bleeding
and I would see himd be gray like gray skinn and sweaty and [ __ ] just freaking the [ __ ] out just hemorrhaging money hemorrhaging and working all day working every every day 9 10 hours a day why is he getting married again yes yes he wanted kids it's not just that he uh you know he loves his woman this this other woman he not it's not that he doesn't believe in relationships just the the relationship that he had just didn't work and he was you know just couldn't sometimes it doesn't work sometimes people are great sometimes you're great and a woman has to pay all the money to the guy because when they started going out he was making more money and then she started surpassing him and wrote a screenplay and then moments are so rare I hate when people even talk about them that's like when when women say sometimes women rape men okay maybe they do one in a million yeah the the times that the women are paying alimony how rare are those true 5050 Joe you imagine well then there would be a good argument to quit alimon let's just bail on it you know I think alimon is nonsense I think if you do have someone though that you've been taken care of for a certain amount of time like if you care about them at all you have an obligation to help them you know I don't like people struggling financially I think it's it's a horrible thing to see that's a one of the most stressful things in your life and if someone can help someone and sort of like help them move along to like a more prosperous future without them there's nothing wrong with that but when you get obligations like my friend who's like I think he has to pay 7 or $800,000 a year J forever Jesus forever what if he start like what if he doesn't make as much money next year you know what I think I might be wrong I think it's more than a million now that I'm thinking about it cuz there's a bunch of other there's like a bunch of [ __ ] tacked in there's all this oh it's so crazy and this is like what he settled on this is what he settled for 400 over 400,000 people in the United States receiving post divorced spousal maintenance just 3% were men and how many of those were from gay dudes how many of those CU Melissa Ethridge plays alamon to her two Ex-Wives it's funny great greatest thing
anybody ever said on this podcast I asked her I go how you I go how you paying alimon to two Ex-Wives she goes [ __ ] are crazy oh my God and she probably didn't even have kids with them she might have she might be one of them [ __ ] turkey baster ladies puts a strap on a turkey baster and like sh buy some sperm at the local SPM Bank yeah she was it her that had like David Crosby's come impregnated in one of her girlfriends or something like that people get freaky you know they do little things try to do little test things there's a gay couple live down the street from me and the guy is there's one guy that works all the time and the other guy is like sort of the house husband they have a great great relationship with the housewife you know like they have a kid and uh the the guy that doesn't work does most of the taking care of the kid and and it's beautiful it works for them they're they're sweeties they're the nicest folks they're like they you know their kid comes over parties and stuff and they're like their kid is the same same age as my kids we play together all the time he's always over the house they're the nicest people just for someone who doesn't know gay people it just seems weird that these two guys are in love with each other and that they hold hands and but once you get used to them the dynamic of them you know who they are they're the nicest friendliest people and they get along it works great like they've been together for years and the kids not traumatized you know the kids like this is awesome my dads are awesome one of the reasons why the kids fine is cuz we live in California and California is very open when it comes to gay people it's more open-minded I think than any place else I've ever lived it's like uh you know so much so that it's it's becoming more of an issue if you're a homophobe than it is if you're gay like if people find out you're homophobic it's so repulsive it's like what do you give a [ __ ] like that's more repulsive than it is like if you a homophobic person you see a gay person like that's it's almost more more stigmatizing to be homophobic than it is like as far like numbers go than it is to be gay almost and that's that would be the goal right the goal would be to make being cnia I mean San Francisco is just amazing as
far as just people people don't want to offend you that they go so far as to like be like oh would you like to you know get a breast implant to a man you know what I mean like it's just trans like gender people are just everywhere and it's it's so except there's a transgender comedian in San Francisco have you seen him her her her sorry Jesus Christ you misgendered you can't miss gender it's super bad they get so mad I forget her name but she was hilarious by the way I don't understand people getting upset at something is obviously a mistake as misgender like if you used to be a man and now you're a woman and someone actually calls you he relax okay relax cuz if you call me a she guess what I'm not getting upset at you I'm just not if you're like have you seen Joe Rogan oh my God she's really funny that happens like on the regular wouldn't bug me you know like whatever so people call you a he I mean just like you make a mistake like it's almost like like ma'am like when you got go thanks ma'am and that's a dude why I if it's a m or you call your your friend that's a girl brother all right brother I'll see you soon what I say or dude or bro but dude dude is okay dude is pretty much Universal dude like guys like hey guys like there could be like four girls and a guy and you're like what's up guys and nobody gets upset and if they do stop hanging out with them right mhm because if someone said guys is not really just guy the problem is it's so gender specific there's no like female equivalent to guys you know where you could say a bunch of girls can be guys Tech GS but that just sounds dumb yeah but nobody you know what I'm saying no no no one uses it universally like you don't see a group of men and someone says hey girls or hey gals but you could see like five girls and go what's up guys what's up and somehow or another it's acceptable girls like you can go up to your friends and go what the [ __ ] you guys doing you can actually say that right that's it's not weird it's not weird it's like it happens all the time yeah what is that how is that because we just live in such a malale dominated world is that frustrating being a woman um well it was when I was a kid yeah because like I just was surrounded by guys so I thought you know so I felt like I have three brothers so I was just
like constantly battling for the toilet is that why you're so talking about poop well no you know what it is it's like I grew up seeing my brothers like pee in the toilet together cuz they could stand next to each other and all pee at the same time that I just got so jealous I was like when I pee I take up the whole toilet by myself I can't hang out with people while peeing and I thought man it would be awesome to be a guy have you seen those things have you seen those things that they have for women where they could pee Outdoors it's like a funnel you put over your box yeah they have that at like Bass Pro Shops and stuff I've seen it yeah so you can go I want to try it has good reviews online yeah well the kind people that would use that thing I just squat over a pile of leaves you know yeah if you're camping do you camp I've gone camping how many times twice did you enjoy it it was so much fun where' you go go I went in um Florida a silver Silver Lake Silver Springs see camping in Florida takes on a totally different meaning because you could easily run into meth heads or crazy people out there in the woods yeah alligators snakes I didn't you got lucky you only went twice [ __ ] I know well maybe the third time I will that's like going hunting for UFOs twice and saying there's nothing out there you never know there's a lot of numbers I know I was surprised that like everybody just left all their stuff in the open when they ride ride their bikes down the path you know go down to the beach and everybody just has their stuff and you're just on a honor System yeah you know and like nothing got stolen and it's not like it happens though it it happens right all the time that's a big problem with campgrounds giant problem you have to like lock your [ __ ] up well I mean if you have anything really valuable you lock it up in your car but yeah people's tents get robbed all the time oh damn well it's just one of those things that it also attracts a lot of vagrant and a lot of people that are you know they're down on their luck and that's why they're sleeping in tent there's people that are essentially homeless but they have a tent you know and if you have a a public Campground and there's a shower there you can that's why you need to get a reservation at a public campground that's like hard
to get to like you take a fairy and then you the guy in a jeep picks you up and you know in this trolley and then it takes you down to your campsite Brian I ever tell you about bean from Kevin and Bean he lives on an island he lives on an island outside of Seattle you can't even get to it unless you take a ferry the guy lives on an island out in the middle of the [ __ ] the bay and you know he's kind of in Seattle but he does you ever do Kevin you Kevin and Bean the best they're they're awesome and they're still around they're like one of the last radio shows it's still around but he um he is wired into the LA studio so he lives in Seattle and Kevin still lives in LA and the guests come to La when I go when I do the show I do it in studio and um except when I call in tomorrow I'm calling in but when I do it in studio you sit down there with Kevin and Bean is over the loudspeaker and it sounds like he's right there with you but you don't see him he's like the eye in the sky he's like God you think they would have like at least a Skype system going on so you could at least see him no you don't see him you don't see him he's well he you can see him they have some sort of a setup where you can see him on a video camera or something like where he's at there's probably a delay no no delay no because it's like an ISDN line so the delay is so minuscule the listeners can't tell no you can't tell yeah the delay is like difference between this and this like it's so short it's like this this it's like it's like maybe a half second not even you know it's like an internet lag so yeah it's like Ping yeah so if you're saying something and you you know the the amount of it's not like that critical that what you're saying has to be like an eighth of a second quicker just whenever it comes out it seems like it's real time so he he does it from an island but I always wondered like I don't know if I could do that man I don't know if I could live on an island that would kind of weird me out yeah there's this place in San Diego that's like that I went to where you take a ferry over and then it's just like this small island and it's a whole Community though they have like a little grocery store little sushi place little dry cleaner but just houses everywhere uh but it's completely cut off if if
there's a bad storm or something like that they can't have the the ferry everyone's stuck or not stuck on that island well there's that Island outside of uh San Diego that all the super rich people live that's that the island I think yeah that's like Dick Cheney's got a house out there and yeah that's a spooky spot have you been so you've been to that it's so I've never been oh it's so weird we went there and at what's it called I think it's Coronado Island yeah that's exactly what it's called exactly what it is yeah there was um some sort of a murder mystery that was going on there there was some unsolved murder in some really wealthy family that they felt like some Shenanigans had taken place I can't remember the story I know yeah you know the story yeah do you know about it do you know how it goes I read about it the wife was murdered yeah yeah there was some Shenanigans no and something with the sun too yeah the sun got murdered I don't remember no this the worst Story murder story ever Mur let's see murder on Coronado Island let's see murder mystery I remember that case murder mystery you uh something was really death of Rebecca zah she was an Asian woman Crank that up here was discovered dead July 13 2011 oh right you know what she was like the Stepmom and they thought that she killed his son and so all of a sudden she goes missing and she's murdered oh this is what happened she died two days after this guy's son Max took a fatal fall from a staircase Banister in the same Beach House the woman was the only adult present at the time of his fall so he killed her thinking she killed his soned or she [ __ ] up um bill Gore announced September 2nd 2011 that zahu death was a suicide while the younger something something was an accident and that neither was the result of Foul Play member of zaha's family sued uh Max's parents for $10 million disputing the contention that her death was suicide huh how'd that settle how' the lawsuit play out I don't remember what happened so you could sue someone for something like civil law sus are really tricky it's like where uh OJ's like got sued because of uh the dude's family was his name you know there's uh his wife and then the boyfriend Ron
Goldman Ron Goldman yeah Ron Goldman's family sued and won and that's why he had to like go bankrupt like the his Heisman Trophy or something like that yeah they got his Heisman but who wants that you know try selling that [ __ ] gross so did they say it was a suicide this woman yeah no I don't think they know no one was there except the dude and her and he probably pushed her off the [ __ ] side probably like [ __ ] my baby sure killed her most likely yeah seems like it but she might have killed herself too she might have [ __ ] hated him blaming her for a stupid kid jumping so she's like you know what [ __ ] I'm going to get you in trouble I'm it a big it was a huge house so he the boy like could have just fallen off a staircase and just died accidentally she just probably wasn't paying attention that's probably why if someone wanted to kill her that's why they would want to kill her just they were Furious that you weren't paying ATT you got to watch two-year-olds like with like you got to be right there with them all the time six yeah he was six he was six it said is that what it said what did I think it said two six six yeah you know even six-year-olds they they they actually sometimes you have to watch them even more cuz they get real you can't raise six-year-olds in a big mansion with a banister staircase well if you do you have to [ __ ] pay attention to them I mean who knows but who knows what happened you know we don't know what happened with the kid we don't know what happened to her there might have been some weird [ __ ] with him or her check this okay what does it say July 13 2011 a nude body of zahu was found bound and hanging from a balcony at the famous speckled mansion in Coronado a cryptic message written in black paint was found just outside the Second Story room in the house which read she saved him can you save her what I'm confused she C wait a minute I thought she fell that's what this is not okay amended law suit Rebecca zaha beaten strangled and pushed off a balcony she was found dead so that oh okay this is a totally different story this was from last year oh so now they're so it's still going on whoa scroll down here $10 million claiming um lawsuit claiming Rebecca zah
house this is how why I'm saying it weird z a h Au U how do you think you spelled that how do you think you pronounce that zah zaha's death zah was a murder and not a suicide it's been amended to allege new details how three people conspired to kill her beating gaging and strangling her with the autopsy she it it couldn't have been a suicide really yeah I think they found marks on her body H Jesus Christ okay well who knows who who knows she might have been evil she might have killed the kid they might have killed her or maybe it was an accident I don't know but I mean if they found her hanging I mean if they really did find her hanging like it says there the document goes on to claim that the trio struck Zhao on the head multiple times with a blunt instrument physically restrained her gagged her bound her and strangled her to the point of unconsciousness or death huh I don't know I don't even want to know be from a lawsuit that this is all coming from to not like an official police ruling right so this is just their claims is that what it is I think that's what this probably trying to what open again probably some people that at one point in time were madly in love they loved each other Esther they wanted to be together forever and ever and ever I love you I love you I hug you how how do you know who's who's going to kill you know what I mean like these people they they weren't they didn't pick up on the Red Flags if they're were any well there might be no indication up until the point where that kid died I mean the kid dying might have been like this [ __ ] dumb [ __ ] you know it might have been like the straw that broke the camel's back I mean if they did murder her that might be or who knows she might be evil I mean she might have been just a horrible person and they might have hated her already and then when she killed the kid she might have push the kid who knows people are [ __ ] there's a lot of creepy [ __ ] out there in this world maybe she told them that's like you know you you would think that she didn't I would like to think it was an accident yeah I would like to think that both of them were an accident you know the civil suit is just
frivolous but you never know of course you never know you were talking about you know taking care of it two-year-old and Jamie I just emailed you a video there's this video that somebody posted last night and it's one of the most we saw it already me and watch it on the air I know if we should show it on here the escalator no that's not what I was showing I just you uh somebody uh somebody posted this last night and it's one of these videos that had something to do about a kid in a little kid in a swimming pool and this little kid falls in the swimming pool but it has been trained uh what to uh survive and this kid is like a baby can't even talk and so shows this little baby and at first you're like what the [ __ ] is going on this baby falls in the pool and then the baby just learned how to float and just sitting there going and it is the creepiest coolest video babies are really fat they can float pretty good yeah that's awesome it didn't Panic yeah but but when you see this video it's one of the most interesting videos to watch because it's it's something you don't want to see mixed with the baby knowing what it's doing so it it has its really uneasy feel to it here's the baby walking out it has great sound on it also if um but it's uh so they did this on purpose they made this video on purpose just to show what the baby can do yeah show this baby this is a baby man this is not even a 2-year-old this is a little tiny toddler and and who's recording this there's the the dad's recording this and watch this is where the baby falls in like this Baby's done this before jumped in the water kicks wow amazing baby flopping around gets up to the surface and then watch just relaxing ly on his back wow it's beautiful but wait a minute is this a suit he's wearing is this a special suit no I think these are just this little pajamas are you sure but I you know I have no idea wow and it start it starts actually talking it's kind of [ __ ] that they leave him there like this for this long I know I get the video dude go rescue your [ __ ] kid guess and guess what this goes on for another minute okay okay cut it off off if you cut to the very end you could see where the the B look how it's really cute baby
when the guy uh grabs it at the very end of the video uh see and just happy as can be he's laughing yeah I just thought that was interesting and creepy it is interesting I wonder if it's a suit or if it's uh they just taught the kid to lie on his back and they just naturally float I think a lot of us probably they Panic you know they just they don't even need a bathing suit that snuggy outfit was like awesome yeah babies and pools are very very [ __ ] dangerous that's one of the most dangerous things when you you have children is worrying about them falling into a pool one of uh Demi Moore's kids a kid drowned at her party the other day apparently Dem Moore has you know Bruce Willis's kids and uh they are ragers when Demi's out of town they just have [ __ ] ragers every night and somebody wound up dead a boy wound up Dead face down in the pool I believe he was 21 no some boy some some did ran out of come high on math fell into the pool [ __ ] dead I'm sorry if it was your son I don't mean me you know all things M how insensitive they become they become a note and they don't become a real person you know yeah oh God that sucks yeah totally that's a scary [ __ ] thing man leave your kids alone at home and one of their friends dies in your [ __ ] pool like oh Christ alcohol and water man super super dangerous I mean look at that girl who pass out in the highway that we watched that one time the video now imagine somebody just like hanging out like you know drinking beer and just slips and falls asleep and next you know you know whenever I think about alcohol and pools you know what I think about those images from the Brian Singer gay parties that he used to have with the red pool water and 50,000 dudes and their underwear in the pool that's I I am stuck thinking about that forever whenever I think about the fact you know like whenever someone says like pool party people drunk at the pool I think of that image cuz it was have you ever seen it no it's the craziest [ __ ] ever Brian Singer who uh the guy who look at that he's the guy who directed that's wine no that's just lights you know he has red lights in the water the guy who directed The X-Men he's a gay dude likes to party and so he has these uh parties
with all these uh young studs and twinks and they just fill a pool sure not from ripped buckles yeah you already talked about this you couldn't wait could you look at that it's like everybody drank beet juice and just gay soup Di soup that's what it is but that's what I think about whenever I think about pools and alcohol I think that's the the out of control scenario yeah that's what was going on at De me Mo's house the lift driver last night Joe saw you 20 years ago and you said something to an audience member that he says that he says to himself every single day since you've seen you what is that and it's CU you were there was some woman Heckler and you said where did you learn to whisper a sawmill that's a hack line that's a hack line he says he uses that all the time he says he he he thinks about it every day and he and uh yeah people that's that's a hack line that's a like a standard like a stock line where' you learn to whisper helicopter that's another one where' you learn to whisper uh you know a war zone yeah it's hack I had to write it down cuz he used to also there was a guy named Brent that worked at the comedy story and he said that him and uh this guy named Brent now lives in Vegas and uh Dom bars all went to a strip club once he says it was the most insane night ever because Dom was Don was just screaming at all the strippers and stff I can see Don bar doing his act to this Trippers yeah Don Baris is have never that's another thing about The Comedy Store that's amazing is the late night sets by Brody Brian Holzman and Don Baris those are Staples those are Staples if you live Don Baris got mad at me one night for what I forgot what happened he brought me on stage on his Late Show dingdong show and was it dingdong show or was it a regular show it was just a regular show he was just the last one okay and he brought you on stage he brought me on stage cuz you were after the show is that what it was no no no I was just hanging out okay and there were like four people there right you know what I mean and he brought me on stage and was like what do you do I was like I'm a comedian you know like that's one that's how I met Don Baris is he brought me on stage and how didd he get mad at you I don't remember what happened but like I don't know people
were like people were like scared for me people were scared for you well I guarantee you he was playing yeah he was doing Don Baris he does Don Baris like he pretend to be really angry he starts screaming and yelling at you he's not mad at all I know and I said no he's just kidding you know and they're like no that was too crazy who are the people that said it was too crazy I don't remember it was stop hanging out with them it was five years ago yeah you need new friends they're idiots they might have been audience members you know they always fall for it well that if you don't know like people used to think that Brody was serious like people have never met Brody before like I have a bunch of friends that saw Brody for the first time and went like oh my God this guy's terrible and then they see him five times and they go oh he's amazing oh I get it he's my favorite comedian now learning curve that's exactly when I first met him was at the man show when I went to go see man show uh uh with you and I was in the audience for like two episodes with horse flesh and uh he would scream at the audience you know he was the audience warm-up guy but if didn't know who he was and at the time I was just like this guy's making us clap he's yelling at us we thought like I thought he was Hitler like I mean and I remember coming up to him when I I eventually met him later at the comedy store with you I remember going Jesus Christ man I I was I hated you like I I can't respect I think that's nice when people come up to you and say I hated you you like that because yeah because then that means you like them now you won them over you know but it's cool when people can admit that do people say that to you they hated you is it guys usually no it can be guys yeah guys will say [ __ ] like that girls just to knock them down a peg I actually hated you I didn't even think you were hot right when I first met you I hated you or like or because I because I picked on somebody because I picked on somebody in the audience that's why they hated you they'll hate me know yeah but why would you pick on do you if you were picking on someone I couldn't imagine being vicious you're not a vicious person so you think she very vicious are you I can be vicious on stage into the
microphone yeah why I'm not going to throw punches CU it's doggy dog cuz you got to do what you got to do is that what it is no because like you know it's just easy to make fun of guys who are alone at a comedy club when everybody else is in a couple in in a relationship cuz that's how ironic that you make fun of those guys cuz those the ones that would rape you and kill you it's weird it's weird that you make them make them your enemy no I make fun of I make fun of the husbands and the boyfriends too Ah that's but sometimes the ones who are by themselves will get creepy mad at me I'm sure I should stop picking on them yeah dudes are creepy they're dangerous yeah picking on dudes is dangerous well picking on like happily married or boyfriend dudes safe you know is safer safer I'm going to write this down yeah write it down J R E Lesson 101 loners don't pick on The Loner single dude the quiet loner at the comedy club with his hands inside of his Clin Quin would those big jackets from The Outlaw Josie Wales what are those things called trench coats trench coats have you have you made any music videos lately she has so many hilarious music videos she's a very talented musician and like one of her favorites my favorite songs that she does is called I bought a dildo on Amazon and stuff like that and she has these really let's close with that cuz we got to get out of here high quality videos I'm in the process of I'm I'm I'm making videos right now so I'm recording songs and it's so good a new one will come out soon but so can we play that I I bought a dildo on am dildo on Amazon so great I prefer okay all right that's what do you prefer what do you prefer I like um can you feel my menstrual pain okay let's play that one can we feel can you feel my menstrual pain Esther coup thank you very much for being here you guys though you guys can uh contact her on Twitter and harass her and Twitter allows you to send pictures of your dick so so far feel free for now they were about to change that they you know I've never gotten a dick Pig on Twitter oh prepare yourself for a tsunami of veiny man meat cuz it's on your way guarantee I'd rather have a picture of their butt your butthole well you're going to get that too I'm into butts more than penises you're into butt holes or butts cheeks
but butts are just cuter than penises you you're not a penis fan well I am but not looking at you know so you just like you don't like the butt hole you like the butt like a butt talks yeah like a ni like nice no ingrown hairs something big round butt some thick something that delivers the bankon right Esther crew all right you can see her uh if you want to watch repeats of girl code but they didn't pay her so she kept moving can you see can you feel my menstrual pain you could listen to this and watch this on uh YouTube and uh you can catch Esther all around the [ __ ] world doing stand up cuz she's gangster like that right yeah Pompton Plains New Jersey that's what's up August 8th that's what's up do you have a website I do funny c.com funny c k August 15th Hard Rock Cafe in Atlanta powerful Hard Rock in Atlanta um and all that linked up uh directly to your uh Twitter page so if you go to Twitter page your actual um all your your [ __ ] your stats and everything there right isn't it yes yes it is I remember it all right uh Brian redband don't you have a gig soon tomorrow San Jose with Dean Del re Christian Spicer at the San Jose Improv and then my birthday show August 5th me you and a bunch of uh friends yeah August 5th we will be celebrating Brian red band's birthday I am going to get a [ __ ] limousine because uh I ain't driving we're getting [ __ ] up dude I'm getting you we're going to get you hamard we're going down hard Bri Brian sweee is turning 48 years old 48 that's I am almost I'll be 48 in August you're ready yeah I'm almost 48 dude I remember when you turned 40 iock time waits for no man yeah I'm going to be 48 I was thinking 43 no dude 48 I was born in 1967 I was born August 11th 1967 crazy so this August 11th I'll be 48 years old almost 50 dude I'm closing on a 50 yeah dude Tom Cruz is 50 [ __ ] one that's ridiculous it's crazy it's just it's happening but you're doing great thank you very much I feel so good now dudes don't get I don't get depressed about my age it's like I I get depressed if body parts aren't working correctly you know like injuries and stuff like that but that's just for me being a [ __ ] or it takes longer to recover from an injury I fix all that though I go to doctors get injections and all you get steroid injections when
something breaks well you can't you can't steroid injections don't really fix things uh steroids fix steroid injections cortisone mostly yeah that's a little bit different that that what really does what a cortisone shot does is really just numbs the pain it actually can become more problematic for people that have injuries because you get a cortisone shot in your knee or in uh you know your joints or something like that and then while you're working out you're not feeling any pain you're still doing injury you're still grinding on that injury and you can actually like boss Rootin he's all [ __ ] up because he got cortisone shots in his knees and cortisone shots and his elbows and he kept fighting you know like he had all this pain and so we just get cortisone shots and now his joints are destroyed he just like was too tough for his own body but I got a stem cell injection I got I was recently had I was worried that I was going to have to get shoulder surgery whose stem cells was in from a woman's placenta oh my God total Next Level [ __ ] do you guys know that there's a company that collects women's stem cells from their menstrual blood and stores it Planned Parent her supposedly sells the aborted stem cells and makes money off that but that might be abortion talk no I'm pretty sure that's not it seems like it should be [ __ ] but I'm pretty sure there's like a real investigation into that look it could it could happen because look the the the cells are viable and the idea of not using them to me is more [ __ ] up than using them I mean if you're going to abort a fetus shouldn't you at least use those cells recycle it use every part but people are worried that people are going to have abortions on purpose to make money for the stem cells no but anyway what they do is when a woman has a C-section they take the placenta from the C-section and they use it to uh they they harvest the stem cells from this they freeze it and then they thought out and injected into your injury and I had a shoulder that was [ __ ] with me for like a year like a solid year I'd work out it would get swollen I'd ice it it would get better but it never totally got better and I could do most things but it was always in pain I got this stem cell injection two and a half weeks ago cuz I was worried that I was going
to have to get surgery I had one doctor that said to get surgery he's like you're probably going to need surgery and then another doctor said I went to an actual orthopedic surgeon he was like no you have too much function moves it too much let's just try to rehab it and see like if those tears if they'll they'll heal up I got this stem cell shot within 2 and 1/2 Weeks it feels like there's nothing wrong with my shoulder it's [ __ ] crazy it's crazy because it's supposed to last like supposed to be like six to eight weeks to when you you feel the real impact then I talked to Daniel Cormier Daniel Cormier the UFC light heavyweight champ he had a knee injury and his knee was [ __ ] up and he was thinking about getting surgery and he was putting it off and I talked to him a year ago about this he's like I don't know you know eventually I'm going to get surgery I think but I'm trying to put it off he got the stem cells bam all of a sudden he's like it's amazing he's like right away it felt better you sent her a thank you card I don't know who it was I did I give her a hug they don't they don't tell her they don't tell you oh no no they definitely don't tell you because that woman's stem cells probably went to Untold numbers of people cuz it's a small amount like the amount that they had in this little in this little syringe when they injected into you but you're kind of connected to her in some way it's weird Some Way start your period in your neck well I have some other stuff I have a cadav uh joint I have a um my left knee has a cadav no my right knee my right knee has a cadav ACL it's actually a cadavers um uh Achilles tendon cuz Achilles tendon is much fatter than a human ACL and so they take this Achilles tendon they open you up they put it in place screw it screw it down and then your body repopulates this Cav this dead person's Achilles tendon so it's much thicker than a regular ACL so my ACL on my right knee is like 150% stronger than a regular ACL because it was an an ACL from an Achilles tendon wow do you have two new inner voices that are new start getting all these new inner voices I think that might be my problem I think too much of dead people parts and baby Parts you have a girl's voice and a guy's voice like but I'll tell you what if you start growing baby
teeth on your shoulder I pull them out the [ __ ] pair of pliers I'm a man I'm not look as long as it fixes my shoulder and right now shoulder starts crying if my shoulder does not get any better and stays right here and doesn't get any worse I'm [ __ ] super happy cuz there's no pain right now I mean I'm it's I'm not I'm not feeling any pain and I'm still doing all these rehab exercises so it's all strong I can do things with it I might be able to avoid surgery I I think there's just some tears in there but I'm pretty sure they're healing up something's going on in there that's great there some new Next Level [ __ ] happening with those lenses that can make you see way better than 2020 stem cell injections when you have injuries I've never had anything heal up this quick this it's C it's kind of spooky spooky cuz this thing was [ __ ] with me for a long time man you know what when women have their periods we lose all our stem cells from the uterus lining they should collect it and store it and use it for when you need a stem cell for your next shoulder I think they're doing it I think they're doing that no this company went bankrupt we're not bankrupt but they said enough people didn't get it so they're not collecting menstrual blood anymore well you know they do them from your own fat so here's a a win-win they take the fat out of your love handles they lipo you and they take good idea you don't need any Lio hooker what are you talking about I do do they do they or is it just an even trade like I I want out you pay for it they don't they don't pay you for your fat why they can take that much either dude I have a lot though yeah but they don't take enough like you got to eat vegetables and go running up hills and stop smoking cigarettes you got to stop what you're doing I can't believe you're back smoking cigarettes again not back smoking cigarettes you smoke three cigarettes a day right three cigarettes compared to two packs a day smoking cigarettes you got to stop dude I swear to God you know I talked to uh that writer that was in here this is one of my biggest fears I worry about you getting sick I really do cuz you're always smoking you were at least for a long time I worry about it that's a real that's one that gets you and once it gets you you're like [ __ ] I could have
avoided this that's a SC it's so scary to be close to someone and care about them like I care about you and then see you smoking and know that that's eventually going get bite your nails like do you no I think they they need to make no smoking at The Comedy Store that's not going to ever happen that's never going to happen you just need to go to vapor cigarettes just go to vapor cigarettes and just just tell yourself you can't smoke cigarettes I need to get a new Vapor dud you got free for a while how long did you get free for a couple months like a yeah a month month and a half something like that you can do it dude you can do it I know can do it yeah you just have to want to do it yeah just say when you're going to stop smoking cigarettes give yourself a couple weeks you just started smoking right not cigarettes weed you smoke weed Esther yeah wait a minute wait a minute you smoke pot that's how she makes this great music know she does we smoked pot with her right before the show Brian do you think I forgot how dare you all right Esther thank you so much for being on the show thank you it was a lot of fun it was always cool hanging with you at the store so I'm glad we finally got a chance to do this you're a cool chick Esther thanks for having me cool human being I shouldn't qualify that you're a woman you're just you're just cool a cool girl we love you and uh Brian again tomorrow night he will be at the San Jose Improv which is one of the coolest clubs in the country it's a fantastic Club used to be an old theater really sweet sweet setup in that spot with the great Dean Del Reay and if you're a Harley-Davidson fan there's an extra bonus there'll be Harley-Davidson's on stage yeah who are you serious he's Dean sponsored by Harley so he brings motorcycles on stage they do they set the Harley's on stage with them he gets a free Harley he rides his own Harley that they give him and then at the end of the year cuz he used to work for Harley yeah yeah and you know there's there sponsors maybe I could get sponsored by pens you could totally get sponsored by pens but you get something probably better yeah like tampons or some [ __ ] you should go for that what's like your favorite thing in the world umid
dick besides besides dick Jesus can't get sponsored by dick I'm just saying like what's your favorite thing that you get sponsored by um how about some kind of food I love donuts donuts perfect Crispy Cream we need a Crispy Cream sponsorship with you on stage with a box of crispy creams and in the middle of your act you start chewing Donuts something bigger bigger bigger company De Dean has like motorcycles let's talk about it let's talk about it maybe everybody in the audience gets a donut that's a lot of donuts it's a lot of money a lot of water wasted we're in a drought what about Samsung oh look at Brian holding it up how casual all right we're out of here Esther cou we're going to play this uh can you feel my menstrual pain again e s t h e r k Au on Twitter thank you so much uh to everybody else we'll be back next week so thanks for tuning in much love big kiss byebye why [Music] isn't no don't boys go down on you but my boy likes kinky things that's how he got his Red Wings oh yes time and time again I want to know can you feel my men P I want to know can you feel my men bed down my [Music] legs when I get that PMS I shove his face my dress oh yes don't be scared of my rede and when I start feeling cramps he always eats me like a champ it's damp I'm retaining water I want to know can you feel my maning I want to know can you feel my mening bleeding down my legs [Music] to