Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aZ6mcKQwRQ
okay we're live what's up dude how are you I'm doing fantastic Williams ladies and gentlemen what the [ __ ] yeah a uh meeting if you told me six seven years ago that I was going to be on the Joe Rogan podcast or The Joe Rogan show I I would told you no way in hell well it didn't exist so you're you have to like go to Colorado you'd have to find me you have you have to go dude I got an idea yeah yeah there's this thing called podcasting you're GNA love it yeah there's no way uh I would have thought I would be doing this either six seven years ago so we're in the same boat love it man there you go man yeah and uh and now did you like we we were talking the Pacquiao Mayweather fight before before we came on air uh did you actually watch it yes yeah yeah I watched it and as a fight guy what what were your thoughts on it I'm sure you've covered this already so I'm sorry if you're going to make you repeat things I you know I'm in the minority I actually enjoyed it I yeah I enjoyed it from like a a technical standpoint and of like two guys who are the best in the world trying to figure each other out yeah and now do you think that as a guy that knows the fight game you can respect defense more than your average fight fan well definitely more than my wife oh my God she was saying some [ __ ] [ __ ] she was she was saying you should have to get knocked down in order to win I go what are you talking about she goes that that way would at least be exciting so like make them go for it so like guaranteed concussion so like and [ __ ] like that like she's so ridiculous like hear and Sh like some people like I kind of get it she's not a fight fan like so for her watching it is just boring as [ __ ] it's just two dudes not hitting each other and then when one dude gets close the other dude grabs them you know yeah like uh I I love watching hockey on TV that's like my favorite sport to watch on TV and hockey is notoriously awful right on TV and people hate it on TV I love it cuz I played for like 5 years when I was a kid so like I recognize that they're setting up plays I recognize strategies and stuff like that so when I'm trying to explain to people they're like this stupid or not scoring I can't follow the puck and I'm trying to like I'm trying to tell them the ins and outs of it and I'm I'm
sure the fight game is like that for you do they still have that thing where they follow the puck like with a circle or did they try that for a while they tried that on Fox it was like and it turned slap shots into a comet like like it just had this like red trail behind it really yeah and like it was it it was supposed to get like the Casual fan into it but it's like no one is gonna hate hockey and then see a comet trail on the puck and go well now I'm in I got this now well they've done some weird [ __ ] like that with football right with graphics and well well the amazing part is that I was a huge fan of the XFL if if people remember the XFL that was Vince McMahon's thing and then a lot of the stuff that they did are is now being implemented into the NFL what kind of stuff like the overhead camera that is like on strings and that follows the game from the top that was XFL that that was XFL before uh trying to make uh I mean they tried to make kickoffs more exciting until like all the concussion stuff uh came out but yeah like there's a few things and certainly making it more Vince at least recognized that it would be more fun if there was like complex story lines and like you you you knew like the soap oper of it much like he did for wrestling so now you see the NFL and it's the world's greatest reality show like they like they follow the guys off the field and like they get into their lives and now it's what the XFL was we like they're trying to build up rivalries and you know what players actually don't like each other and who slept with whose wife and things like that you know the problem with getting into the NFL's life like getting into the players's life is like you're trying to pretend that these guys are not these Savage Gladiators who are just smashing people every day and you want them like off field to be like these sweeties like baking pies and hugging their kids no it's like you don't get a guy like Ray Lewis without him like did you see the video of him pleading to the people of Baltimore going violence is not the answer and he's like my whole life dude he's so intense he's like yeah okay so if violence isn't the answer move out of your Mansion cuz that's what built that Mansion was violent how people know who you are you're super violent that yeah
that's why that's that's like you and me saying like don't tell jokes yeah stop it wasn't he on trial for murder I mean that's pretty violent but he didn't really do it it was like one of his Entourage he was an or allegedly accessory to murder it was kind it was kind of like the Snoop Dog thing right yeah yeah either way he's a football player like like when you see like these Fighters or these football players and you see them doing ridiculous [ __ ] and people get all surprised it's like you can't ask them to be anything other than what they really are if you want that result you want that Ray Rice result you're going to get a Ray Rice you're going to get that happening which is yeah which is NOT saying we condone it but it's just saying don't be surprised when it happens well you can't all of a sudden in 2015 start putting cameras on these guys following them around and expecting them to have exemplary behavior what they're good at is when the [ __ ] play starts they're good at getting [ __ ] done right you know and the way you do that is through violence explosive athleticism smashing into things [ __ ] diving through mounds of enormous steroid it up dudes yeah and then with so much testosterone boiling over and then when Richard Sherman gives an interview La last year or two or two years ago when he's like why they think crab tree could be put on me crab tree's a punk then they then they start getting mad at him like what how how dare you talk to Aaron Andrews like that a petite white woman and you're just getting angry why are you so angry because he just played football for an hour that's why he's angry and that's why he's good at what he does yeah the idea that you wanted him to take it from 10 all the way down to one again like right and then just like come off like he's an Oscar Wild player like well as we were on the field of battle May might I tell you it was quite an interesting route that one no it's not going to happen those guys those guys are going to be too intense it's not fair I mean but it's everybody wants everything sanitized I mean we want to make want the purity of the sport but then we also want it to be fan friendly we also want it to be easily absorbed by the Casual person who's watching it yeah and you know this because you've had to
interview guys right after they fight yeah they're fired up after they've just been punched in the face or and that's literally the most testosterone prod that can run through your body in a 3 minute period of just like getting revved up and then and then Joe Rogan comes in and puts a microphone in uh explain what happened out there and then you like they expect these guys to uh get like a complex thing people wonder why athletes they get mad that they always have those textbook answers like one game at a time I I was just doing a play play at a time we're going go back and we're examine they have those scripted answers so they don't have to think about giving those answers because they can't in those moments not only that a lot of people are just not that good talking on camera like that's something you got to get relaxed at we forget because we talk for a living yeah and like that's what our normal is our normal is talking in front of a bunch of strangers and being funny on a moment's notice rather be in an interview or a radio show or a podcast whatever just hey flip the switch go right the average person does not do that like when they have an actor give a speech at an award show and it's like something crazy happens and they have to be spontaneous it's like no they're actors yeah a lots of times they can't do that yeah a lot of them can and some of them can like one of the best interviews ever was Mickey roor when he won some like Golden Globe or one of those [ __ ] whatever the name of the I think all awards are stupid I don't pay attention to any of that [ __ ] award you you faked it better than this Faker but I mean you know people do great performances abely but his uh he did this amazing speech where he was just so loose and relaxed and he was talking all kinds of crazy [ __ ] it was like one of the best speeches ever and it was it was fun cuz he see like real in his own skin despite all the craziness that that guy's been through and yeah yeah that it's always and that can go either way like people either freak out with the honesty of that person or or it's really refreshing uh is yeah this is it it was a spirit award Spirit award that's what it was I mean he was really what's really crazy too is like you see him in this video yeah we'll play a little bit of it and
then you see him now like now he looks like an old gypsy woman he's gone crazy and doctored his face up and there's actually an image that says Gypsy Mickey roor old gypsy woman and that's exactly what he looks like listen to some of this thank you all very much like look he's so happy I just want to say one thing about Eric Roberts Eric Roberts is probably the best actor I ever work with and I don't I don't know why in the last 15 years ain't nobody give him a chance to show his [ __ ] again because whatever he did 15 20 years ago should be forgiven and I wish there no I'm I'm goddamn serious about that Eric Roberts is the [ __ ] man love it that's just one part of it he gets loose like I have he like I like I got he deserves a second chance and I wish there'd be one goddamn filmmaker in this room that would would let him fly because the man he he is something else thank you Eric okay that's enough on Eric Eric will probably be by the end of the day but uh anyway um and that little blonde dude that did that thing I'm going to beat your ass when I get out of here but you're right he's very loose he's just like whatever nice to be presented it gets better two talented three I don't know what you do honey but these two are really these two are really good uh and uh you know uh I I've just gotten thousand thousands of letters and [ __ ] from my my people strangers and people that know me about about my dog that died 6 days ago Loki Loki this is what people who don't have kids do they get all torn up about their dogs right and I just got done talking to the Santa Monica Police Department they gave me a bed to sleep in 10 years ago and uh I thank them for I asked them for two pillows they told me to [ __ ] off but anyway uh it's like this kind of a speech for believing in me this is right uh after he did the wrestler oh right right right yeah which damn that was a good movie I I told people in the past directors like Darren aronowski come around every 25 years the same way like chimino Copa and Parker Adrien L all the rest of them and I said 25 years and he whispered in my ear 30 uh and uh the only thing I want to say
to any young actor or any actor that gets an opportunity to work with Darren you better better be in shape because he will break you down he is one tough son of a [ __ ] and he don't like it when I say that cuz he goes Mickey will scare all the other actors away from me but Darren you know what if they ain't got the balls to bring it then [ __ ] them you know anyway I want to thank uh I love this guy yeah but now okay so go from there and look at the image of him now pull up uh Mickey Ro old gypsy woman just just just just Google Mickey roor old gypsy woman I would just always wonder like what the [ __ ] happens to dudes or women or you know like that that gal um the [ __ ] her name Renee zel wigger right that's not even it no no there's that one right there yeah this one look at that what's what is that she I I I I said she I said she on Instinct I just cuz like he he looks like his name should be Mildred right there like just it's that old like everything's crazy about that the wig is crazy the face is crazy it's like poor bastard pull pull it back so you can see his hair that's he's wearing this crazy hair piece thing and and is he trying to look like or or an old gypsy woman or is that just him no that's he was at the fights that was he was at the UFC and he was upset at one of the decisions and that was the face that he made but he's done something to his lips apparently you're right he he looks like the character from the Stephen King movie uh thinner that juicy woman that like rubbed her hand on the face like yeah yeah that's her wow well I mean him and uh Bruce Jenner could hang out and just talk [ __ ] I don't think he's trying to be a woman though I think he's just going crazy I I mean that's what do you do you think like that's what this business does to people that as they age like rather be Renee zel wagger or Mickey roor or now there's some pictures out there I think of I think it's Uma Thurman where it's like um Thurman's gotten plastic surgery I think they did some plastic surgery I think she did some plastic surgery to her and it's just something where you're built up as like sort of either a sex symbol or whatever for so long and then it just goes it starts to fade away then does that [ __ ] with your head yeah I mean I would imagine I mean someone described
Beauty as a short live tyranny you know and I think beauty is like a really hard one because some women they go from being unbelievably desirable and then through no fault of their own just to Father time naturing they become monsters yeah whoa what's going on there what did she do uh she oh my God what did she do she pulled some stuff back she doesn't look like her no she uh she uh she looks like she's a character from that new movie uh uh ex makina waa that is weird man right so that's weird did she what did she do I'm trying to figure out what she did maybe is that just her the her wearing no makeup except for lipstick I have I have no idea I'm not I believe not I'm not a plastic surgeon well I feel like if you added like see like one of them has all this lips all this eye makeup on and the other one doesn't that's a big thing with gals like you ever see a woman who doesn't have eye makeup on you always see her with eye makeup on and then one day you don't you're like who are you who are you yeah oh you're a [ __ ] different human the uh Huffington Post and you might want to yeah the porn stars without makeup thing yeah that blew my mind that's a trip cuz then you see these girls without makeup like with the makeup on they are goddesses and you just see them on the screen you're like holy [ __ ] that's like the ideal and then you see them without the makeup you're like oh I know eight girls from Riverside that look just like that yeah it's nuts yeah you could do some amazing [ __ ] with makeup if you're a chick yeah oh like there's uh there was also a story about a dude he's a makeup artist he like he's a he's I think he's a black guy and he showed that with makeup he could look like Kim Kardashian and and and he put makeup on his face and at the end you're like yeah that I mean granted it looks like a Madam T's like Wax Museum Kim Kardashian but it that's you look like that like you created that and then he he his face without it is not like that at all obviously yeah looks are a weird thing right it's like you didn't ask for it you didn't work for it no and just boom that like and it's that old debate would would you rather have all the looks and then slowly lose them or would you rather be like uh Jason Alexander that looks exact same as he did 30 years ago
but he's going crazy too he's wearing a toupe now yeah Jason Alexander put a toupe on it's like he's like a walking episode of Seinfeld cuz Seinfeld there was an episode of Seinfeld where he wore a toue and it was like it was it was really awkward it was really obvious and now he's kind of trying to do it I mean I don't blame guys to that do the the the the plugs or anything like that I don't blame him hell Wayne Rooney the uh the uh soccer player did did it and everyone knew that he had plugs and he's like I don't care I got hair now I did it but you know what happens man first of all you get a scar in the back of your head so I have like a permanent smile on the back of my head and then second of all if the rest of your hair falls out the way I described it is like taking healthy people and moving them into a neighborhood where everyone's dying that's the other hair falls out it's like they haven't figured it out yet like it's like lips like when girls get their lips done you don't want to be an early adopter of that you don't want someone [ __ ] with your face permanently yeah this is the uh I think uh is it the Bill Burr bit what is that bill uh Bill Burr has a great bit about this where he's like yeah just wait until they till they [ __ ] fix it like wait wait until they get it right like like the people that are going into plastic surgery right now like wait they're yeah but they can't wait because they're 50 and they're like [ __ ] you know I just want to look 37 you know it's like you know what there's PE like some doctors nail it though that's the the other problem is some doctors can do a really good job of making you look a little bit better it's those guys that go crazy yeah it's also like a girl like Uma Thurman I mean how much shopping around does she do for a plastic surgeon if she even got plastic surgery or the other one Rene eler yeah do they just go with someone they could trust like do they know do they ask around I mean and and that's the thing is we talk about all the ones that went wrong because the ones that went right we don't know oh they look great a ton that went right right I mean I don't know who but like Christy BR well she said she never had anything done she's like 61 or something like that she's still hot as [ __ ] yeah
that I don't know what that is or like genetics hard work yeah see you see uh Sophia Lauren even when she was 60 65 you're like yeah well done good for you she well who is the other one Raquel Welsh she's like deep deep into her 70s and she's still hot as [ __ ] yeah it's weird it's just it's the just the genetic lottery I I I guess or or to like you know cuz hey uh some people are are born and they've got like the natural like Bo like Bo Jackson where where they say like just natural athlete like god-given Talent uh Hershel Walker just did push-ups and sit-ups his entire damn life supposedly I'm not sure I buy that cuz he also said that he only eats like a salad and soup the whole day whole day which doesn't even make any sense and he also has mult multiple personality disorder trauma induced multiple personality disorder wow so so who knows which Hershel is is a yeah one her might be doing roids and squats and well you mean if anybody can talk about genetic Lottery it's you right yeah no kidding yeah cuz I mean for people don't know people aren't listening to this or people a lot of people are just listening to this yeah you know explain uh I am a a condr plastic dwarf and that's the type of dwarfism that I have what does that mean uh cuz there's over 100 types of dwarfism whoa yeah well because it's a genetic mutation so you have slight differences in how in how the gene uh changes so there are literally some dwarves out there some little people that it's only like one of three people in the entire world that have that specific type of dwarfism one of three in the whole world what are the differentiations well like okay for me uh acondroplasia is what I have it's the most common type of dwarfism um mine is characterized by Small Arms small legs prominent buttocks I love that one uh prominent buttock en llarge forehead uh collapse nose Bridge uh average size torso so like when we're sitting down we're making eye contact right now right yeah but I'm 4 fo4 you're six what 5 yeah you're F you're 5'8 so yeah and but there's some there's some dwarves that have a completely different body type like like uh Vern Troyer who played min mean the awesome powers movies he's got dwarfism but it's a complet completely different type of dwarfism when that guy
was on that celebrity what was that show oh oh uh Surreal Life yeah yeah oh that was so sad uh I I do a perfect impression of of of him drunk when he's uh when he's uh pissing in the corner he made a noise that is he still alive yeah he's still alive that guy seemed like he was drinking himself to death you would think I mean hey he's still ticking man W that's amazing he's still alive it's it's hardcore for a guy like that too because he goes and he gets this big movie he becomes a celebrity like almost instantaneously yeah and then after that it kind of dries up yeah and you know no one wants to see him hump a laser anymore so now what you got and it's weird cuz I I saw that and when I was trying to enter show business that that's one of the reasons why I I love being a standup comic cuz no matter what I could always go on stage and talking from an audience and be and funny I do that like and there's only a few amount of people that can actually do that so as long as I got that skill I'm good I don't have to wait until a producer says yes I'll put you in a movie yes I'll put you in a TV show whatever well to answer your earlier question I think that's what makes people go crazy out here like does the business do it to them what goes crazy is that they they they're not in control of their own destiny yeah so if they do have any sort of success whatsoever if anything does take off for them it's like they're like oh it's it's happening it's happening it's like it's all out of their control you you audition for things you get the job you're on the set it's like when is this going away and you got to cultivate your career so they have to be very careful about the things that they say and yeah absolutely so yeah and that's it's one of reasons like like like I said I love being a comic I no ma no M no matter what I always have that if cuz yeah I've had I've had a ton of auditions for TV shows that I haven't gotten thanks Peter Dinklage uh [ __ ] that guy has changed the game he's amazing he's changed the game he's so [ __ ] good he's the he's the main guy on that show he's the dude and it's the biggest movie ever or the biggest show rather ever I mean that show is one of the most impactful shows ever and a dwarf is really the big guy and I love
that and the fact that yeah they talk about like him being a dwarf in the show but it's not the focus I love that it's just like they man what's beautiful about what he does and his character in that show is he utilizes it to his advantage and he he lets people underestimate him because of absolutely yeah and uh Lord Lord knows that's uh that's true for anyone that has dwarfism like we're not like no one thinks that we can do certain things or or they're just not sure like like hell when I played hockey when I was a kid like the coaches on the other team would tell their players all right don't hit Brad we don't know what's going to happen wow like I don't know if they thought like they would hit me and I would just like explode into candy or something like that but they like don't hit him we don't know he could summon a spell like like I I don't know what they thought but uh yeah like like people uh people underestimate hell the first time I ever went on stage I got on stage because uh be because a guy was just like well you're a dwarf that's that's funny enough and then I went on stage and started telling jokes and he's like oh [ __ ] you you actually have jokes you're actually prepared for this yeah awesome when did you go when was your first uh time on stage how long you been doing it I've been doing it uh TW 12 years uh and I've told this story on a couple radio shows podcast before but uh it I'll tell it just because it's a very interesting tie-in with you is uh I was in the audience of a uh Carlos Pia show and he's on stage making [ __ ] jokes half the audience is laughing half the audience that's sitting by me is just like like just kind of pointing over like and he notices that and he looks over and goes why why aren't you guys laughing and he actually said the sentence what is one of them here and I just raised my hand I was like what's up dude and uh he he didn't even Flinch he called me up on stage he like holy [ __ ] I got to talk to you and i' never done stand up at that point and uh I walk on stage he started asking me questions and the answers I gave got laughs and uh that's when I was like oh wow this is what I have to do for a living wow so Carlos Mania did do something good in this world hey one good thing happened that's amazing yeah that's why
that's why I said at the very beginning like if you told me six years ago that that I'd be sitting with you I'd be like no way in hell because there was a time and I I talked about this with uh Redban on my podcast when he when he came on there was a time I hated you guys I absolutely hated you and I had never met you guys before for but you know it was like teams you know what I mean it was like this guy's trying to take out my boss and my friend up [ __ ] you know well I get it I get it he was helping you I did it but you had to know yeah yeah yeah I mean everybody knew there's I mean but the things that he would do for me I can never repay the man enough cuz he literally took me from being nothing like an open micer uh cuz what cuz what happened was is I got bit by the bug uh I started doing standup about a year and a half later I showed up to one of his shows um and he uh and he he recognized me and he said like dude you're the guy did you start doing standup and I said yeah I've been doing about a year he goes okay well let's uh let's get you up on stage let's let's have you open up my show tonight let's see let's see what you got and that's whole like I put you up there cuz you're a dwarf I that's funny but then holy [ __ ] you got jokes and when I came off stage after doing about 5 minutes he goes wow um do you want to be my new opening act like right then and there wow and I was a I was a junior in college I was going to USC I had a year to go to graduate and uh I dropped out I I dropped out to be his opening act and I was his opening act for for four four years that's first of all way better job security if you're funny than ever whatever [ __ ] career you're going to put together well like yeah well like and that and people tell me they're like oh but you were going to college like what were you studying stop I was a Communications major so Cal down I wasn't curing cancer even if you were a doctor you know how hard doctors have to work unless you're like obsessed with being a neurosurgeon or something crazy right right [ __ ] that job yeah yeah yeah I'm I'm so glad that other people do it so so so dumb asses like me don't have to well you know a guy like Carlos even people that do bad things like people that have bad ethics they're not always bad no you know that's there's there's a
lot of gray in this world and that's that's the reality of life and he took me on the road and when we and when we were on the road he would pay for all my travel he would uh pay for all my meals if if we were ever going shopping he'd say hey what whatever you're getting throw it on my pile I'm good like he took great care of me and it's funny cuz I mean like I I I still consider him a damn good friend uh but now I'm friends with you like I'm friends with Bert ker I'm friends with J Moore like I'm friends with all these guys that like you're a fence Rider Brad Williams yes I like I I I don't pick a side whatever that's man you don't have to you don't have to I have friends that hate other friends yeah I I have a lot of acquaintances like that yeah and and and the people that can't deal with that they're babies you know if you really need all your friends to be on your team like grow the [ __ ] up yeah some some people aren't going to like each other that's fine and and if you have fans and I'm sure you have fans that will never like me because of my Association that's not true I mean those those guys aren't really fans oh okay I mean [ __ ] punks but and I mean that's fine that's that's okay that's okay if you think that the term fan is weird anyway right right I have I hate it I hardly ever use it it just seems odd it seems like you're diminishing a person it's like people that like you that's what they are when you call someone a fan it's like all of a sudden like there's a there's like a different tier there's you and then there's them there's you and then there's the fans you know right it's weird yeah just whenever you label things like that like they're just people you know there's a lot of bands that I like well I'm a fan of a lot musicians and now I'm friends with them and it's weird right yeah and and like when I started doing comedy that started happening a lot like I was a fan of people and then you know like once you get past a certain level and that level is pretty much just open micer once you get past that level you meet like everyone is like if you're in New York or La you run into everybody yeah so now I'm friend like I'm friends with Dave Vel which is weird cuz I love Dave Vel he's so damn funny and then I started talking to him and now like I get an
email from him every now and then it's like holy [ __ ] David tell's emailing me yeah but I can't have that moment I got go no this is your friend Dave this is not David tell the uh comedy God I still get those I still get those when I talk to Anthony Bourdain I'm like oh this is my friend hm how weird yeah Joe Perry was on the podcast and every now and then Joe Perry texts me and I'll show a friend like [ __ ] Joe Perry yeah like Joe Perry's texting me right now how odd well and and it's been said a million times but I can't emphasize enough that it's true the the people that you put on pedestals are still people no one is this being of all power that's higher levels like they're all people Everyone is a person yeah even the most brilliant people on Earth are just people and one of the things that I found is the most successful people the most interesting people people that I truly enjoy talking to um they they don't expect anything different and as soon as someone does expect something different then they stop being cool then I don't like them anymore can't I can't just talk to you you're you're now you're [ __ ] weird yeah now now I have to make an app pointment like um uh I was at the Hollywood improv and uh Paul McCartney was there yeah I was there I was there that night he he was there two different times really yeah and he loved I guess for a while he just loved comeing to see comedy and I got to talk to him very briefly but still but he had like a guy that kept trying to drag him away and he kept looking at like no no no no it's all right it's all right here let me talk let me talk and like who's the guy whoever his [ __ ] Handler like Handler whatever the [ __ ] agent maggot yeah it's just like Paul we got to go we got to go and Paul told him no and like took the time and that's literally the most famous person on the planet he's right up there right he's got to be top five and and he's taking time to be like no I'm going to give this guy his moment and I don't know if it's just cuz he's a great dude maybe he understands that I'm Paul McCartney and if I talk to a guy it's going to make his life uh I think he's just a normal dude when I watch him talking to people he just seems like a guy who is a great artist but he just a human being that's exactly what he seems like just a human being man so yeah it's
uh it's cool when you realize that and you it's cool when you realize oh yeah I can just talk to whoever and and when uh people in show business or whatever athletes that you look up to and like I have fans that are musicians that I like and you know like now it's like wait they watch that they watch yeah of course they watch that TV show they listen to that podcast they consume entertainment just because they're a human being well that's also the cool thing about podcasts is that podcasts these long form inter um long form conversations with no interruptions they they give you insight to a person they you're like like there's a lot of people listening to this right now that feel like they're sitting in here talking to us yeah just hanging out cuz what we're doing we're just we're just hanging out yeah it's not that it's not that radio thing where it's like all right you have a four you have a 4-minute break uh and so you got to so you're like peppering you're pretty much doing your act cuz you're just trying to get as many jokes in as possible so people come see you and wherever uh Comedy Club you're playing it's like no this is an actual conversation where you actually can dive into uh how people tick and what people's thoughts are it's also those 4minute breaks they [ __ ] with the flow that's why I don't break up ever with with commercial I just do them in the beginning and the end I don't and I get all these like really juicy offers to do them in the middle and like it just [ __ ] with the flow man you can't just stop a conversation like I'll do Adam Crow's podcast I love the dude but he'll be like well that's funny you say that Brad because uh real grades man grades you know Mana he'll just start talking you're like oh are you doing an ad oh he's reading now okay all right I guess we're not talking and then you have to sort of build up this convers I think it's also one of the reasons why I like doing these really long form conversations because I always found when I'm talking to people when we're alone having I'm having a really cool conversation with someone it takes a while to sort of get cooking and then when it gets cooking everybody sort of relaxes and settles in then you really kind of understand who that person is right yeah you know um now uh redband
told me something when he was on the podcast uh when he was on my podcast called about last night what's up plug uh that I that I want to ask you about cuz he said there was like a meeting at some point or you brought something up uh during the whole Feud War thing call whatever you will where you said let's let's steal mania's [ __ ] no he's so [ __ ] that's so not true that was a that was a a a [ __ ] sketch from The Man Show oh really yes it was a sketch he's so confused his memory sucks so bad I was hoping there was a meeting was like we might have Jed around about it because it was during the same sort of time period but we did a a sketch Stan hope did on the man show where he went out oh look at the Devil there he is came in a perfect time we're just dissecting one of your [ __ ] stories oh no what there was a a sketch for the mancho okay um where Doug stanh Hope was trying to steal the mancho [ __ ] yeah from from those guys from you know the guys the the um Adam Cora and jimmmy Kimmel show it was a brilliant brilliant [ __ ] bit Doug did some yeah Doug did great [ __ ] on that and that was one of them okay and so I mean maybe we said you know we should do that to M's buddy Brad but we definitely didn't have a [ __ ] meeting and plan out stealing one we didn't have a meeting I didn't say it was a meeting I just said it was you said you said there was a conversation where he was like let's Ste let's steal dud we get high we talk about would you blow a uncorn if you knew you could live forever absolutely we've had some pretty ridiculous conversations first of all the answer is yes but yeah if you could live forever but I don't know man you might not want to live forever the more I as I get older I'm like who you know if you weren't alive you would never expect life right okay cuz you wouldn't have any expectations you wouldn't be alive now that you are alive you wouldn't expect what happens after life we're just guessing that it's nothing you know and I'm not saying it's a bunch of dudes in the clouds with a harp but it's very possible that what whatever the [ __ ] Consciousness is is not native only to this space it's not it's not restricted only to this existence it's very possible that whatever you have
whatever's going on when you dream whatever's going on when you take mushrooms whatever is going on when you die they might be very similar things your your Consciousness might be some sort of energy that moves on to some new plane of existence that might be way cooler than this monkey body that we're all trapped ins if they have a if the if the theory holds true that an infinite number of universes who knows that you just don't hop to another universe and say all right there's your shot again go again not who knows that's not what happens every time you wake up it's very possible that every time you wake up you are in a different existence oh you blow my mind already Jo I had a crazy dream about that last night I had a crazy dream last night that was uh I had DMT trip in my dream which I've never had before excuse me I've had DM treat DMT I'm new to all this but DM trip during your dream that's sort of meta isn't it cuz isn't DMT kind of what makes you dream supposedly that's aot all Theory but it's not you never dream a DMT trip like DMT trips are way more intense than a dream because you're getting you're flooding your brain with this chemical that's native to your brain but the idea being that when you're sleeping there's times when you're in heavy REM sleep where you're not conscious where you do visit these same Realms but I've never remembered it before not like like last night like last night I was in there man it was really really really intense and very strange but it was uh essentially it was this this dream was in some way telling me that this St that that what we're doing here right now that don't get all crazy about this don't get crazy about this life don't get too fixated on it because it's really just one piece of some sort of infinite Mandola of existence and just like that was the the entire DMT trip in my dream was was relax relax it was like somehow or another coaxing or coaching rather me to to relax and to to understand that like all the stress and all the the the weird [ __ ] that people have in their brain like the more you can like settle that in the more you can ah the more you can exist in in like a a real peaceful state where where this is like your real self that you're just constantly being inundated with all these different ideas and stresses and different things that
you're trying to accomplish and different things that you're concentrating on worrying about concerned about that you know that you anticipate in the future but that all these things are [ __ ] and that was that was the dream last night it was very very strange huh wow did you were you on the new mood was it the 5htp and no no I didn't take anything just went to sleep I mean I took some Alpha Brain during the day uh I don't know if that had anything to do with it I've been taking that zma again I just got a new bottle of it and that that [ __ ] really does [ __ ] with your dreams a lot cuz ever since I got that bottle every night I haven't had dreams until I got that uh zinc you know zinc UPS your testosterone it uh UPS your sperm production probably has a lot to do with uh and then it probably helps you sleep too I think it relaxes you it helps you sleep see this is the stuff I know nothing about so I'm I'm fascinated by all by all this stuff like just how and you're cuz you've done so many things in terms of other levels of consciousness and things of that nature I've never even done mushrooms so I'm like you should go to shroomfest you should do shroomfest with ar Shere in the desert they do it every year he's been trying to get me to go I would I would love to go like I've had why didn't you go how come you haven't gone so far I've had such bad experiences on drugs that Dr uh just weed just weed I've had bad experiences like like panic attacks and anxiety attacks uh that's the good stuff then you're getting good [ __ ] oh God that's this podcast pretty much every couple weeks all of us going into a panic attack oh fantastic yeah uh there was one time it was my birthday in Vegas and uh I had I was severely dehydrated and on top of that I took way too much of a pot cookie and uh passed out at the Rio like next to a like next to a slot machine like just collapsed like it was like a like a marionetter just dropped the puppet strings it that sounds awesome the weirdest thing is that like f like first of all it's Vegas so people walk by they see a [ __ ] passed out in the Rio they're like oh that's a new exhibit oh that's funny no are you getting anything out of it like did you
like when you had that experience and you you know you have this panic attack after it's over do you do you experience any anything positive um I wouldn't say I like the only positivity I had was because I went to the hospital and they pumped me soul full of fluids that I felt so good afterward I was so hydrated that that felt am so they gave you an IV at the hospital yeah they just gave me an IV why were you so dehydrated uh I gotten massage earlier in the day and I didn't like take and it was like the deep tissue stuff and like that like really sort of like you need to drink water after that you need to wait a minute I that's definitely not going to get you that dehy somebody rubbing on your skin what are they doing ringing you out like a dishcloth yeah exactly well Hey Joe I'm very tiny it's he only holds a bottle of water so that doesn't make any sense man uh I mean I I mean to be honest with you I don't know but when they tell you after a massage to drink a bottle water most of that's [ __ ] really yeah what they're trying to tell you is that you get your toxins toxins out of your system drink the water get toxins muscles are releasing toxins your body's [ __ ] processing toxins with your liver right you know what happens when you get your your muscles rubbed it breaks up your tissue a little bit it's it's massaging soft tissue and it loosens things up and it makes you feel better you should drink water anyway you know water's good for you but I really don't believe that you know when you get a massage it's releasing toxins I mean maybe I'm wrong but I I just don't see how it could just someone rubbing your body never heard a doctor say that there toxins that are released when you have very strenuous exercise like that's why um those crossfitter people they get that Robo myosis I think that's how you say it rabdo is um it's when your your kid start failing because your kidneys can't process yeah your your muscles are breaking down and and your kidneys can't process all the uh the toxins and all the fluid it's yeah it's very dangerous and it's it was really rare up until this CrossFit uh sort of craze but now when people go to the hospital and they they find that they're having kidney failure and they have this Robo myosis or how the [ __ ] you say it and they they
always ask them are you doing CrossFit because cross they're trying to get people to do like you know 50 [ __ ] clean impresses in a row and you know they have competitions with each other you're pushing your body way past like a workout limit you're you're pushing your PO to the point of like real failure yeah you talked to a guy who's done CrossFit for 10 years that doesn't have like some significant [ __ ] injuries like significant back injuries significant muscle tears or something along those lines I'm really glad you're saying this Joe because now I could have a legitimate reason to not do cross F and not just that I'm a lazy [ __ ] well my good friend is Steve Maxwell who's this really world-renowned uh strength and conditioning Coach and he's worked with a lot of highlevel MMA fighters he was one of the first Americans to get his black belt and Jiu-Jitsu and he's just this great guy and knows so much about um martial arts and knows so much about strength and conditioning and health and he [ __ ] hates it he thinks that what CrossFit is he says you're doing a competition to lift weight he's like unless you're doing like a power like when you watch power lifting they they do that once it's like a one lift thing like when you're doing a bunch of them in a row like what his take on it is that weightlifting should be to strengthen your body for sports strengthen your body for competition and when you do a competition out weightlifting he's like it's kind of ridiculous this kind of defeats the purpose of strength and conditioning in the first place like doing strength conditioning as a a sport he see he's like it's kind of silly it's like it's supposed to help Sports it's not supposed to be the sport be the oh okay yeah that makes sense the and there's other people that have a similar criticism and their take on it is that when you see these big compound movements like like Olympic cleans and presses like these are fullbody movements those are supposed to be done with low repetition because well a few times maybe you know maybe couple but you're not supposed to engage those muscles like that like over and over and over again to the point of failure because you're taking some big [ __ ] risks you're putting really heavy weight
over your head you're you know you're throwing your back into this you're cleaning it well yeah you've seen all the YouTube videos of people like dropping the weight on their necks or like or like some people lose their bowels while they're doing the weight lifting can only be so lucky yeah I've I've SE I've seen those videos so yeah like I like to I mean and shocker I'm not a doctor but that that that just doesn't seem right that it doesn't seem like your body should be doing that and then the other side uh side effect of CrossFit is that uh when you meet someone the first sentence out of your mouth is I do CrossFit yeah that's usually people just starting to do it you know it's like anything else people would just start to do Jiu-Jitsu people just become a vegan you know people just got into yoga they all do the same [ __ ] people get into something they can't shut the [ __ ] up about it I've been guilty of that too oh sure vegan crossfitter that has to be the worst combo vegan crossfitter yeah wow yeah that'd be interesting it's just one of those things where a lot of people are doing it and there are benefits to it there's benefits to any kind of exercise you're raising your heart rate up you're getting your body to work your body's going to break down and recover it's going to get stronger because of that process there's a lot of benefits to it it's just I I'm very skeptical when I know so many people that do it and they're all [ __ ] up like Eddie if is all [ __ ] up his back's a wreck it's all and he used to totally be oh I love CrossFit I love CrossFit now he's like [ __ ] CrossFit he's podcast for that right he's out of it now like he's out of doing CrossFit he has this CrossFit podcast oh man has to be the most amazing podcast in the world well well for well for well for crossfitters it is because it's just an hour and a half of talking about CrossFit yeah they're probably jerking off to that like what your work out of the day today I do box jumps I'm lifting up a trash can with K in you know there's probably good to it there's some good to it it's like everything else you got to know like everything moderation right yeah I mean you can run an ultramarathon if you're [ __ ] crazy but you can only do them like once every few months yeah at if at
all I I have a friend and his um friend of his ran an ultramarathon and she had kidney failure that was so bad you could take your finger and push it into her arm and it would stay like the dent would stay and then it would like slowly come back up like she was made out of you remember Stretch Armstrong yeah she like human memory dehydration right from your kidney because that's well it's inflammation she got a damn good massage her kidneys were failing so her body was swollen like everything was all [ __ ] up with fluids it's just like it's not good no my friend is going through a kidney failure right now she had she just got lupus and uh she's getting all these infusions and stuff like that is kidney something that you you have two of them right so you can get rid of one and live an okay life with the other one or fairly okay yeah but it's going to be compromised yeah and there'll probably be a moment where you might wish you had to right is can you I think you have to be really careful about like dehydration and drinking drinking yeah you know drinking and dehra go hand in hand our mutual friend Bean uh from the uh Kevin and Bean show has one has one kidney does he what what happened to him uh he donated his kidney to a friend of his a that's awesome he's a sweetie I love that dude he's a he's a big uh Seattle proponent too talk to that guy I love you moving up to Seattle he almost got that [ __ ] dude I've got there I've got two friends that that are are like that I have bean and then I have my podcast partner um Adam Ray who's like a who who he's from Seattle I [ __ ] love Seattle I just don't love cloudy weather that's all that's all I don't love about Seattle I love the restaurants I love the people I think it's a smart town it's it's less materialistic it's less like focused on just plain looks and attention and all the [ __ ] that that you comes with this town that you characterize for Hollywood I mean we're kind of out of that Loop cuz we're comics and you know we hang around at the store and it's just like we're barely in that Loop you know but godamn every now and then I dip my toe into it like I'll go to a restaurant I'll see Paparazzi in front and people that are like just just all that horseshit it's just so stupid yeah uh the Mind numbing the most annoying part about the whole
La scene for me is talking to someone and while I'm trying to make eye contact they're looking around for the next person to talk to oh there's certain places if you go to certain places that's all anyone is doing is looking for famous people to walk in like yeah and then like they're going to go talk like okay like okay I'm talking to you now cuz you've got you know you've done a few things in your life but the next person that walks in that going to swarm I guess I kind of get it because it's sort of like bird watching like oh there's a blue jay you know I mean who gives a [ __ ] if a blue jay shows up I mean they're kind of pretty but if Jennifer Lopez walks in like yeah her ass is great look at how old is she 45 [ __ ] dude like oh there's the rare there's the rare Brad Williams a dwarf small funny but oh oh look over there Joe Rogan larger large of the species oh this is weird so Brad used to be friends with car I wonder if he's still friends and they'll still have this [ __ ] they'll have these debates and wonder Ponder no man you know what I heard man I heard they had a falling out like there's certain people that are experts on like celebrity relationships and friendships those people are [ __ ] disgusting those people well she broke up with him because she found out that he was text messaging in his excellent how the [ __ ] you know you don't know you don't even know about your own life right you can't even [ __ ] clean your car yeah Jamie who who shot fire I wasn't talking about you Jamie damn I didn't mean you Jamie but yeah the the uh yeah that's funny but right after him Jamie just went pale on us see about it all morning hey he's a [ __ ] he's an Enthusiast yeah I look at it like sometimes I'm mad I I'm mad that like the tweets that I throw out there that get like the most retweets and favorites are like Kim Kardashian jokes that's going to happen I hate I hate the fact that that's how it is like sometimes I write like a tweet where I'm like oh this is a good one this is a good joke a fun one did you guys see that the [ __ ] director of X-Men he quit he quit Twitter because of all the Mean Tweets that he got and it's all from social justice Warrior types all these people that are angry they're calling
him a sexist and an ableist and transphobic like all this crazy [ __ ] this guy no this guy calls himself a feminist I mean he's like a really sweet Progressive guy and he he got attacked for the the way he portrayed Scarlett Johansson's character in the in the movie it's so [ __ ] crazy dude yeah like well it was that whole thing where uh what was it the theuh Chris Evans and uh they they they they got attacked because they called a fictional character they they they called yeah they called Scarlet Johansson's character a [ __ ] and they're like that's that's [ __ ] shaming who [ __ ] shaming someone that's not even real like so so if I if I call the Easter Bunny a [ __ ] or you going to come after me and be like well well that's just gay bashing what God no it doesn't exist well there was somebody man got this one guy who's like a famous social justice Warrior he's such a [ __ ] yeah and he was he was typing in all this [ __ ] and putting all these tweets about X-Men Ultra about it being violent all these different things like do you know what the [ __ ] you went to see you went to see a goddamn comic book movie you dork you didn't go see uh you didn't go see Anthony Hopkins in remains of the day like you're seeing a [ __ ] X-Men movie he was comparing it to um it was really hilarious actually he was comparing it to war and like the attitudes that we have on the military uh invasion of other countries the use of aggression like the [ __ ] are you talking about man isn't that a guy you block on Twitter though like who Tak this guy serious he blocked me he bled me I don't even I won't mention his name he's like Candyman I won't mention his name he's such a dork he showed you Joe but uh he blocked me without me even mentioning his name I don't mention any of these guys names anymore because I feel like a lot of these guys this is this is why I know that they're attention horse because all of their posts are complaining that's all they're doing is complaining not only not creating you're not contributing you are just [ __ ] bitching all the time what a miserable [ __ ] you have to be we live in an amazing time may you can get video on your phone you go outside you hear birds chirp you meet people you hug them and
all you're doing is complaining about a [ __ ] cartoon movie yeah a cartoonish comic book movie as if somehow and another this is the degradation of the moral fiber of our culture and the the degrading of women and dehumanizing what was their message behind the Hulk smashing a Mercedes is that that we need to not buy foreign cars no it's cuz it looked [ __ ] cool [ __ ] that's it [ __ ] this the world's filled with [ __ ] someone gave me the the best advice I ever got for being in Show Business is Brad just remember nobody cares about you that's not true that advice sucks [ __ ] on you I love that advice no and not [ __ ] with your parents tell you that every day of my life uh no like I love that advice not for the fact that nobody cares in terms of No One Like loves you or anything like that but a lot of these people get in their own heads and it's very it's very narcissistic where where it's like oh this person tweeted this so This offends me or how does this affect me or this person didn't book me on this show so he is mad at me it's like or there's 22 million comics in LA and he didn't book on the show that week calm down okay you're talking about a totally different thing yeah yeah yeah yeah you're just talking about people who are just egomaniacs completely obsessed with themselves don't that yeah good advice J can you make some tea man I got some [ __ ] crazy FL going on here yeah um like uh I've got a comic friend of mine and she told me she's like I don't know I'm really stressing over the fact that some people said something about my Twitter Avatar picture and and I I think it's holding me back in this business I'm like holding me back in this business shut up no okay you're just talking idiot it's not it's not no one's going to hire you and then looks at your Twitter Avatar Photo and says Ah can't hire that person there are people that do believe that though there's people that believe you know you have to have the perfect head shot you have to have this and that I don't even have a [ __ ] head shot I need to get one you want to get them together no I mean I I kind of have a photo that I use for Twitter that's my uh profile picture on Twitter that's probably kind of a headshot but like when people say oh we need a head shot for a club they use
head shots that are [ __ ] 15 years old I got to get new ones uh anything with hair is old yeah San Francisco once yeah I I've in the clubs we like and then Joe Rogan's going to come here and then they got you with hair I'm like with a leather jacket on for the 80s yeah it's just [ __ ] like your news radio promo pick you're like really dude you couldn't find anything else well there's just so many [ __ ] you know there's there's so many people out there that have ideas of like what you need to do as as a comic or an actor like what you need to do and it's because they're they're trying to figure out themselves so part of it they're trying to like justify their own choices with you you know where you know I just I feel like this is holding you back or I feel like this is holding me back back and they're trying to figure it out so they're talking they're just they just putting it out there just so hopefully they come up with the answer yeah yeah they're exercising their own anxiety man it's just [ __ ] nutty [ __ ] the world's filled with nutty [ __ ] bro that's really what's going on I would wholeheartedly agree Joe roken this poor [ __ ] Josh Weeden guy or Josh Weeden how do you say it Weeden w w e d o n how do you say that weed who is this person this is the guy that directed The X-Men I read some of the tweets and holy [ __ ] did they go after this guy yeah but if that happens to me all the time when you just block it you don't quit Twitter why would you quit Twitter why wouldn't you just block that [ __ ] because he's tired [ __ ] yeah I I I think when it becomes part of your day to go through your Twitter and like okay block block block block block like when that becomes when it's adding stress that you don't have to have and Josh doesn't need Twitter he directs movies he makes a ton of money good for you well I think that sometimes it's great I love Twitter I love communicating with people on just you take a risk that you're going to run into [ __ ] and if you only run into my my opinion on the the amount of people that suck is it's a very small amount but if they're a vocally active very small amount if you look at some of these people like we were talking about the social justice Warrior guys that guy had [ __ ] 15 tweets about X-Men and I'm not bullshitting 15 tweets about how
horrible it was and sexist and ableist and all this different stupid [ __ ] [ __ ] if you are one person and you have all these comments on the the horrible nature of this one particular thing yeah it's like this guy runs into that and he's you know he's [ __ ] tired of it he doesn't want to deal there's uh I mean it's it's strange because all these social media platforms like like like you say they're unbelievable in terms of the fact that you could communicate with anyone you could get cuz before you didn't know how to get an access to someone that you were a fan of or that you watched on TV you wouldn't know how to do it like you got to go through a publicist you got to write you got to write a fan club and then like you didn't know what to do now you can instantly say something to anyone and and they had the a good possibility of seeing it that part is unbelievable but then you have so much else that comes with it where now because people have that voice now they feel like people need to hear their voice constantly in whatever topic that might be rather it be I got offended at this personal thing every everyone needs to know I was offended by knowledge they're they're trying to get social points so when they're complaining about something or calling something sexist or calling something homophobic or whatever they're doing sure sometimes they're complaining but often times what they're doing is they're trying to show you that they know that something's bad which makes them of a high moral fiber yes they're trying to show you that they're a very moral person with really strong intelligent opinions and that these [ __ ] Meander Ts that are World Bel I get that because I say the word [ __ ] a lot and that is apparently a horrible word dude you got a [ __ ] green light to say [ __ ] like I got a green light to say guinea okay if anybody gets mad at me for calling Italians guies you know my last name is Rogan I am mostly Italian so [ __ ] you and if you don't think they're guins you need to meet my [ __ ] relatives I'll show you some pictures of some grown men with gold chains okay like yeah but I get attacked all the time for say for saying the the word [ __ ] in my act and it's just like and and and people say
like don't aren't you concerned about the message that you're sending that this word is okay I was like I don't why is it bad I'm still trying to figure out why people don't like that word well I don't I think it's a language Police Issue there's people that tried to get rid of bossy remember that tried to get rid of bossy a couple years ago they gave it a hard push too and everybody went [ __ ] you no that's yeah I I think we need to that on a lot of people complaining about C about certain words that we can't say I that shows you like why would anybody want to get rid of bossy is bossy really so strong you know what and it the idea sexist or something they were saying that you they use the word bossy to describe women that women that are powerful or women that are strong and in charge that they're bossy and that you're demeaning them and trying to marginalize them and some sort of way and you know women are like get the [ __ ] out of here see ban bossy when a little boy asserts himself he's called a leader yet when a girl does it she's risked being branded bossy words like bossy send a message don't raise your hand or speak up by Middle School girls are less interested in leading than boys listen man there's there's a lot of that that's social there's a lot of that that's learned behavior and there's a lot of that that's biological and that's a fact and that's why it's exists in almost every culture there's very few matriarchal cultures very few cultures that are run by women and that doesn't mean that women are less than men that just means that you got to stop trying to make everybody even because we're not even when it comes to child rearing we're not even when it comes to breastfeeding we're not even when it comes to nurturing we're not even when it comes to emotional intelligence women are superior to men in a lot of ways absolutely and you know if you try to make everybody the same you're going to have a [ __ ] [ __ ] world that doesn't exist right if you say like I think there was a story recently about a woman firefighter that got hired just because like they needed a woman firefighter and it's like that you're going down a slope where it's like if I'm stuck in a burning building like hey if she can if she can run up there granted I don't weigh a lot but so if
she can come up there and throw me over her shoulder and get me out of there just as fast fantastic awesome I want her there then but if if you're just trying to fill a quota if if you're like well like uh uh HBO Sports just did something where it was like uh there's not there's not enough blacks in baseball like there's not enough black people in baseball we need to get more black people in baseball it's like well if the Dominicans can throw faster and hit harder that's who I want in baseball you know what man why are you forcing it I don't think well I think there's certain issues with uh with sports where there is some sort of segregation where there is some sort of uh discrimination and I don't know that that that's one of them I don't know if they're trying to keep black people out of I bet Polo how many [ __ ] black people are playing Polo you might want to look in a polo you know yeah well Cricket is a lot of a lot of people of color because a lot of Indians people in India Love Cricket man they're like some of the best cricket players in the world that was that stupid movie where they recruited uh cricket players to come over to America to pitch remember that stupid movie John Ham it's like a love story because the there's a guy and a girl and like he you know he he struggling trying to get it together and the [ __ ] girl and him fall in love and the Indian guys helped him you know what I'm going to start my own campaign there's not enough dwarves in baseball there's not there's not there's not there's not enough how about any sport yeah we're we're we're not represented uh there's there's none in there's none in the NBA yeah what what you know what the [ __ ] Joe what the [ __ ] inde deed what the [ __ ] Deed what's wrong with my people well and then if you say like when transgender people get into women sports if you don't support that then you're a piece of [ __ ] like okay you got yeah you got a lot of flack for that didn't you was just just the fighter thing just the one about the woman I'm I'm pretty much cool with it in almost every other way we did talk about that woman who used to be a man who's 6'6 and 50 years old is playing college basketball which I think is ridiculous first of all because she she essentially has given a Redo for her whole life like
she already used up her college credits like you know you can only play college sports for so long but the the the Dig is or the the loophole is you can only play college sports as a man now when you change your name and become a woman now all of a sudden you get a whole new college sports career what yes so this man lived as a man played Sports as a man lived to be 50 got a sex change which I'm fully in support of this is what I want to say this is super important I'm not in any way saying that someone shouldn't be able to do that but what I am saying is when it comes to athletic competition you got a 50-year-old man playing [ __ ] college basketball against 18-year-old girls if that's your daughter okay and your daughter she can't perform to the best of her abilities because it's unfair cuz you have this giant [ __ ] man you know who's now a woman who's 50 right who's been had full testosterone for 47 [ __ ] years or whatever the hell it is before she became a man or became a woman like that's crazy like you that's where sensitivity and progressiveness goes too far but at least then no one's getting hurt right where's the fight game yeah that's what I had a huge [ __ ] problem with and still do and most people do too and by the way a lot of [ __ ] transgender people have an issue with that the people who don't have an issue with that or or have an issue with me are the super Progressive Ultra liberal social justice Warrior types who just they don't have they don't have a dog in the fight they just not even that man they want the opportunity to call someone a bigot they can't wait they just can't wait to get upset they just looking for the opportunity to call someone a piece of [ __ ] I would like I was cuz there's actually a surgery that you can have to uh lengthen your limbs and yeah I've seen that on thing in China it's rough [ __ ] dude it's freaky like Tak forever yeah it it takes forever and uh you're in pain it's literally they put braces on your arms and legs every day you turn a little crank and that crank separates your bones by a millim they cut your bones of all they cut your bones and then they put this crazy brace with these screws on it they did this guy in China who couldn't get a girlfriend and you know changed his height from like 4'
11 to like 53 but it took years it took years guy was in agony every day you're breaking your arm and leg and then the bone grows and regrows O overnight and uh like we were talking about the bill berbit um earlier where it's like hey just wait until they get good at it [ __ ] wait until they get good at the limb lengthening surgery guys holy [ __ ] cuz I've seen the people no there's no other Alternatives though there's no I mean I don't like that I I would never I would never get that I do not need to ride a roller coaster that bad okay but let me ask you this if they could do it like say if they could do it and it was a one-time thing it took a year like I had ACL reconstruction that took like 6 months and someone said oh man I wouldn't even get the surgery I'm like but I go through the six months and then my knee works again yeah like if someone could do that if they could give you a surgery and you would be in pain for like a year but after that year you would be you know five six whatever yeah whatever that see that's a really interesting question first of all I i' would have to write a whole new act would you though well I mean you could write an act about how you used to be a dwarf yeah exactly you had a crazy operation right and for year popping pain pills like Tic Tacs I mean I if that surgery existed and it was I could take the pill and or or whatever ever and then just be 5'6 the next day and not cuz now the guys that have that limb lengthening surgery they look like you've had limb lengthening surgery really weird yeah you have like see a photo well the mechanics are all wrong like your shins are longer than your upper thigh yeah you know like so it just looks like you look at someone like that and you're just like that's he's off or she's off in some way well there's a natural like sort of like when you look at a person's body there's a natural distance that most I mean you have people that have some extra long arms or extra wide shoulders or extra long legs but generally speaking it looks fairly normal but then some folks they get this surgery and you're what they're doing is they're taking your shin bone and they're stretching that [ __ ] out so your shin is like you know an extra couple inches longer yeah it's not fun now do they do anything time too
right did they do anything with like the snail dick and the spikes and stuff like that you get have wait snail dick and spikes what what are you talking about what the [ __ ] oh oh is this like a a stereotype about dwarves that that that doesn't necessarily exist uh do you have a normal size sck I was saying that what the [ __ ] all have snail dicks with spikes on it spikes why spikes so what what so my [ __ ] is like a medieval weapon why why would you say that like it's normal why does that does that make sense to you oh yeah yeah snail dick with spikes you're not even qualifying it's so lazy but uh to uh to to answer your question yeah I would probably do that I I I'd probably cuz there's health things that I'm going to go through that I'm already going through that your average Siz people don't have to go through like what kind of things you going through like uh I've had a surgery on my legs cuz my legs were bowed and so I had to have surgery on them to like straighten them up cuz they were unhealthily bowed like I looked like I was a [ __ ] croquet Wicket and then uh I'm I have back problems now like granted everyone back problems it seems like but I've like cuz my spine I've got not scoliosis but H what is it called like uh stenosis yeah where it's curved on the very bottom oh no stenosis is a short like a shortening of the nerve Canal okay it's probably something different yeah I've got something where my spine uh curves at the bottom there's a lot of little people that have breathing problems I'm thankfully not one of those uh but yeah there there's a lot of dwarfs that have back surgeries like like neck surgeries cuzz and also these necks are holding up these ginormous heads that we have yeah I would imagine there's a mechanical difference between now when you have the surgery for your legs like what do they do uh they it's called I had what's called a dome otomy where they just they carve like a dome shape into my bone and then they just move the bone like they just kind of you know wow and then they just straighten it up and I had to be in a wheelchair for about like eight months but uh [ __ ] yeah when did you have that done junior high so right when you're trying to get cool I was in a wheelchair it was awesome wow that's [ __ ] crazy
dude yeah and and I've been lucky like like the fact that I've only had essentially one major dwarf related surgery that's pretty rare for a 31-year-old little person like there's a lot of us that have more surgeries than that so in that way yeah I would absolutely do the magical surgery that uh made doesn't exist it doesn't exist Jamie see if you could find that that piece that they did on people in China um that that got that leg limb lengthening surgery cuz it was really disturbing this poor guy they wanted to he wanted his face blurred out but he was just talking about how he was hoping that he could get a woman you know that someday a woman would talk to him and dude uh I'm 4 fo4 I get laid it's fine yeah but you're a comic that's the difference man you're funny and it does that's that's a lot dude we've all seen some pretty ugly Comics out of hot chicks absolutely like what the [ __ ] it's just why is everyone looking at me you're not ugly you're just a slob a thank God is this it stretching yeah yeah so this is it man yeah this is the piece crank this up it's from that Geo so play it might get us if you play it like the volume the volume yeah just play the volume of it so we can listen to it for each height has become a critical condition for Success if you lack the proper tallness you may be denied jobs at is a word government Ministries or even College admission [ __ ] wor you may be left out of the dating game tallness isn't it height anyone who wants to have their Bon stretched will be in for a lengthy trial one that can carry some serious risks girls getting it done weakened or end up and they're not even dwarves to avoid excessive risk Fudan is given a local anesthetic which means he will be awake for the 2hour long procedure oh [ __ ] me no hes are drilled into the B that's a Dr system of braces is screwed in place look medieval but they are the key to stabilizing the leg bone has cutness nope shin bone is at the end where it he's doing it with a wire saw oh my there could be perent damage to the Brian surrounded by this this is insane they are hammering into this guy's Shin meanwhile this guy's awake will into the Gap harnessing the body's own healing power W this is definitely something
you're going to look back and go that's medieval too 20 years from and hear what he says here nothing is more gratifying for patients and doctors in the day the braces come off for w after a process that has taken one long year that day has finally come wa this time is the operation in Reverse first the struts are removed out of their legs taking them out of their legs now the patient can walk away by by herself what now I feel more natural more normal do you and I feel much happier oh God what I don't see that I see any 4 in later ready to rejoin Society taller and more confident it's all 4 in in your chin in your shin inches that's it not a foot here's homeboy yeah that's it now when they say 4 in It's All 4 in in your shins like imagine if your sh grew that much that can't I mean that can't be like your shin can't maintain the same amount of strength and like well it definitely can I mean it's going to be bone yeah yeah it's all bone I don't think that's the issue I think the issue is like the mechanics of your body are going to be different you especially if you do any kind of sport it's like you're standing on stilts right you know just just a little extra there yeah why would you just get 4 in put on your shoe you know instead he wants to be naked and taller yeah mean but like that's the part that like that whole process we saw a 2minute clip that's a year at least or like between 8 to 12 like 8 to 14 months of doing that for four freaking inches well maybe she could do it her upper leg and get 8 in maybe have freaky ass legs and then do it on your back stretch your [Applause] [ __ ] imagine you you don't see your friend for like a couple of years and all a sudden they're 6'2 like dude you used to be high five what the [ __ ] surgery dude I've been doing a lot of [ __ ] like and and that's the thing that trip me out too is like these are advertised people that are just like 53 or whatever that are getting the surgery when dwarves do it we still have the disproportionate body so you can still tell it's like oh that like you don't suddenly become like a normal looking person like you look like a dwarf that was stretched out in a [ __ ] Taffy machine like it's not like everything
now fits and looks as it should well for someone who is a dwarf they would literally have to stretch out almost all of your body right it would it would have to be a thing where you're in just constant Agony my God they've done it on this woman yeah okay and and uh she's got she's got acondroplasia uh on on the left but then like look at how the thighs on the right like when she's had the limb lengthening your ass and thighs are still those dwarf ass and thighs which are [ __ ] huge they're massive so that that just it looks like she has a weird thyroid problem now it's also she's yeah she's only lengthened her shins right is that what happened there or did she get her it looks like her upper legs are longer as well mhm limb lengthening surgery creates controversy yeah gee X-Men creates [ __ ] controversy yeah you think okay here it goes 3 foot 10 in tall Cruise associated with many challenges blah blah I was having hip problems KNE problems back problems because of how boded my legs were that's what you had to deal with this accomplished with a series of three controversial bone lengthening procedures using technology developed in Southern California with such procedures patients bones in the arms and legs are surgically broken then increased increasingly separated over a period of months the body generates new bone to fill the Gap thus making the bones longer wow does does it say what her 13 in taller wow oh my God it's pretty $100,000 four years whoa four years to do it wow she became 13 in tall that's incredible H for for me that that would go to four from 4' four to 5' five dude you'd be like almost my height yeah be three in shorter than me with the that's crazy do it [ __ ] no you do it actually I think if I was a small person I would just stay small I would I think it's great I don't have any problem with that if your dick's the same size and everything it would be I would I would Embrace being a small person I mean I like I understand the things that drive these people to do it because and like for me no no matter what I do in this business if I become a a a famous actor doing movies or whatever standup specials whatever I'm still going to
walk down the street and kids are still going to see me and go Mommy what's that Mommy what's wrong with him what like what's up and so that never that never stops if you're a dwarf ever and so I I kind of get what drives people to do it they're just so depressed and so like cuz they think that's going to stop and now they're lives are just going to be perfect but well you're always going to have that I mean there's people that are beautiful that [ __ ] with their face I mean we don't have to name names but we know like beautiful women that have gotten their lips shot up with things and [ __ ] their faces up and people are crazy man and and if you start fixating on anything you start fixating on God my short should be like this right I wish my shoulders were like this like they need to go upper you like people are there was a video um that I was watching the other day about this guy in Brazil that almost had to have his arms removed it's been circulating cuz he does this thing called Synthol do you know what Synthol is it's um bodybuilders use it to pretend that they have bigger muscles than they are so what they do is they inject their body with this oil and this oil makes their muscles bulge out in this really weird unnatural way it looks like they got like like like an infection it swells right looks like bit by a spider or guy [ __ ] steo yeah he he has two turtles in his shoulders yeah and they not only they Turtles like the not only does they look weird and crazy but it's totally out of proportion yeah like you look at his his waist and his the whole thing is like what the [ __ ] is that it's like you're sick it looks goofy why would he think that even looks good well why do you think women that have giant breast implants think that those things look good yeah they're got like I've got double D's but then I think I could go bigger there's a lot of women like that man it's like just like anorexia just like certain bodybuilders people have body dysmorphia where they they look at their body and it becomes an issue they just can't stop [ __ ] with their body they can't stop [ __ ] with their their nose like I I know I know a girl who's ruined her nose man she had a beautiful nose was just kind of a little big but she was pretty you know there's nothing
wrong with her and then I saw her like a year ago see they don't see the pretty face it like a ski slope like there was something like missing from the middle of her nose it's like [ __ ] don't do that yeah oh so crazy yeah I like um I I feel sorry for the people that go through it it like I can't imagine just nitpicking so much that well you probably have a level of of body acceptance that other people don't you know what I'm saying like you have there's a certain amount that you just have to deal with that other people don't have to deal with so when you hear people complaining about like stupid [ __ ] oh my ears are too little you shut the [ __ ] up yeah my Cales uh my my my calves aren't big enough [ __ ] I'm 4 feet tall like really you're going to tell me yeah it's like uh sometimes people come to me after shows and and they're like wow Brad what you said on stage age it's it I really was touched and moved by it cuz you know I go through a lot of that cuz I'm 5'4 and and I'm a guy and I'm like do you realize what I would do to be 5'4 what horrible things I would do behind a dumpster to be 5'4 and you're out there like oh man like like I'm starting to accept myself as 5'4 because of you do you pay attention to all of the uh scientific research that's being done and genetic engineering anding is there anything that's yeah like um they actually identified the dwarf Gene like they've been able to identify the gene that causes dwarfism and this debate is gone on as there as the technology keeps getting closer to the point where we can actually do this but there's some debate going is if we can remove that Gene B if we can prevent your child from having dwarfism should we and a lot of dwarves are like no we shouldn't do it it's playing God it's not but and I'm I'm there going yeah you should absolutely remove it absolutely why would you want your kid to go through I mean granted I've been lucky like like I said I've only had like one surgery and I made a a a good career with the hand that I was dealt but there's a lot of little people I know that that haven't that don't that and then get constantly made fun of their entire lives or Hidden Away by their parents why would you want your kid to go through that and as a dwarf you know what struggles that you had
growing up why would you why would you intentionally put those pains on your child I don't understand that I don't it's hard to understand a lot of decisions that people make a lot of rationalizations that people make yeah like um like one reason that I'm able to be a comedian and sort of have this sense of humor about it is because my dad was amazing is amazing uh like when I was born he found out that I was going to be a dwarf so he would go to these uh LPA little people of America meetings and he would find out about it and he was like oh [ __ ] my kid's going to get made fun of a lot like his life is going to be weird so his philosophy was when I was growing up he would make fun of me first but he would do it in like in like a supportive way like he would [ __ ] with me but then say okay I just insulted you hit me back with something hit me back and then get cuz this is going to happen to you later oh W so he's like training you yeah so by the time I got to kindergarten I like I remember kindergarten walking in and a a kid just laughing at me going haha you're little and I looked at him went haha your mom doesn't live with your dad anymore in kindergarten in kindergarten and [ __ ] like I got sent to the principal's office for like like hurting this kid's feelings that's hilarious yeah and and like and they called my dad they like we're going to call your father I'm like [ __ ] do it he trained you to be a comedian kind of he did cuz now like when I get a Heckler it's like do you think you're going to say anything to me that I haven't heard on the street that I haven't heard walking down and some kid having like saying a comment like I've had I've had parents bring their children up to me when the line is too long at the mall Santa and go hey tell this guy what what you want I've had that happen to me they came up they said tell this guy what you want when you were just a regular guy at the yes cuz they're like well he well he knows Santa so you could talk to him and then he'll and then he'll give the message to Santa I've had that um uh I tell the story in my special which hey I'll plug it now um my uh 1our comedy special Brad Williams Fun Size comes out in Showtime May 8th uh so watch it record it and Showtime's going
to replay the [ __ ] out of it so you'll have plenty of chances to see it anyway uh but what happened was is this guy came up and with his kid and was like you see son he's working undercover for Santa he's going to like he's out here seeing finding out who's naughty and nice and he's going to go back and tell and like I knew in that moment where if I get pissed off now this kid who doesn't know anything about dwarfism his first interaction is going to be with someone angry so and that's going to be what he thinks all dwarves are CU that's going to be his first interaction so I I can't get pissed off I can't get angry cuz that's I'm setting the precedent so what I did was I looked the kid went you're absolutely right I am I am working undercover I'm going around seeing who's not and nice but guess what you've been you've been really good what do you want more than anything in the world and the kids like I want an Xbox and I looked right at the dad I went guess what you're getting an Xbox and the dad and the dad's like I don't know about this I'm like what else do you want and the that's like waving like no no no no no he's like he's like I really want a bike I'm like you're getting a bike too look at that you're getting one and I told the kid I'm like the only way that you don't get these things if your parents failed to file the proper paperwork so then he looks at dad like did you file the proper paperwork dad and like of course I did you son of a [ __ ] like it was so and then yeah then the dad like gets mad at me it's like what you brought this on yourself [ __ ] it's not like you came to get a service somewhere no you know you're I wasn't dressed in the outfit like all right if I if I come to the mall and I've got pointy shoes on and pointy ears I can't get pissed when you say well tell them what you want for Christmas I can't get mad well that's [ __ ] up you can't even wear pointy shoes what if you're into like those little alib baba shoes Cur the Mexican pointy shoes you know what if you're into some some cool shoes man your your style is restricted because of your right that seems ridiculous cuz if it's like a [ __ ] you know Kem ald Jabar siiz dude with pointy shoes no's going to say anything it's a genie yeah no one's going to say that guy works for Santa right that's [ __ ] up man I can't
that's racist that's Siz can't go through life expression that gets used I heard [ __ ] I forgot what show it was some TV show said it oh I think it was the league I think the league on on FX said uh sizeist and I just heard that I'm like that's pretty good I'm going to start using that Siz there's a million different ists yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's getting weird well everyone has to find a way for them to be offended so you so you have to create what uh what what applies to you so now you can complain like the rest of us I'm hoping this is temporary I'm hoping this Ultra complainy Society Ultra whiny stage we're going through is just a side effect of people learning how to use the internet sort of like how people didn't know how to not get crazy on in the 9s like in the in the internet people didn't know how to you know like people get upset at things they overreact and freak out they just didn't know how to deal with people insulting them or trolls like that yeah um I'm wondering if it's because have we gotten to a point where like cuz I doubt that uh in third world countries they're having a debate of should should we say bossy like yeah do you think those people who are trying to get food who don't have clean water who don't have good who don't have vaccinations are like okay I know all this shit's going on but we've got to stop saying the word bossy like we've got to focus on that I think it's a lack of problems and the human being is a dramatic animal so we create this we create these problems out of nowhere just so we feel like we're struggling against something there's certainly a lot of that yeah there's certainly a lot of people that just have it too soft people too it's too easy to get like this this the the ability to tweet 15 times about X-Men shows me that you either have no [ __ ] friends too much free time or your your career is being a [ __ ] online yeah that's all you do one those things either you got family money or you just don't care about money and or you know you don't have the real problems in your life those same people 20 years ago what were they Pickers and how they didn't exist it's too hard picking you have to actually do something you have to show to look people in the eye you're standing out
inside of an abortion clinic or you're you're picking in front of a a warehouse that's non-un like you got to make [ __ ] contact with people you got to interact with people organized you have to be good at arts and crafts so you have a sign that's like halfway decent all you have to do when you want online is just find other [ __ ] and you know you gravitate through forums or you know Twitter groups and you just [ __ ] it up together you know that's that's what you're getting a lot cunted up together Joe Rogan it's also it's like you create this negative Ripple for no reason really just no you can enjoy a movie or not enjoy a movie you can write a review about a movie but this idea that you you know if I go see a movie that sucks that I did not like I'll walk out of there going well I didn't like that movie if I go eat at a restaurant that's shitty I'm just going to say well I'm not going back to that restaurant I'm not going to go online and start this campaign of everyone must think like me everyone must not go to this restaurant everyone's got to not see this movie [ __ ] you if you like Paul Blart malop 2 hey if you like Paul Blart mop 2 more power to you it does not affect me you enjoying that movie does not have any repercussions on my life at all so I don't care like whatever movie you want to watch you you you you like enjoy whatever comic like in in terms of the feud that that you had with Ned some people are like you have to be either a Joe Rogan fan or a Carlos Mania fan you could be a fan of both you could be a fan of Larry the Cable Guy that's where I draw a line yeah you're talking crazy you're talking nonsense but like you but like you could be a fan of layer the Cable Guy and Bill Burr yeah but they don't hate each other yeah okay all right there's a difference there I get that there's a difference apparently I was saying X-Men earlier it's Avengers yeah did I say X-Men was I saying X-Men oh you're getting those the same [ __ ] to me comic books I don't give a [ __ ] yeah but it's just like like people who enjoy a certain music like if you like if you enjoy enj the band um like name your band that is supposedly shitty kiss sure I love kiss done I've had people get angry at me cuz I love kiss [ __ ] off you and the Pixies can suck
it there such a simple band they can't play so use piroch Technics and facial makeup to cover the fact shitty musicians it's like or I can listen to their music and it makes me happy yeah or you're moody right you're just a moody [ __ ] and you need people to cry and their hey guess what sometimes I like listening to motohead sometimes I like listening to Sade sometimes I like listening to her I think you have to say it different than that though sh yeah sometimes I like that sometimes I want to rock and roll all night and party every day how about that you [ __ ] when when when whenever I accomplish anything halfway decent in my career and this is absolutely true I go into my car I play Katy Perry's Firework I I I I roll down the window and I and I lip syn the [ __ ] out of that song I don't like you as much I go nuts with that song isn't it funny though when people people actually do do that they don't like people for their choices like oh you [ __ ] listen to that like there was a guy that had a [ __ ] bit about that way back in Boston in the oh it was Barry KMS Barry Crim's a hilarious comedian who um Bobcat gold weight has a documentary that he did about him because apparently Barry was like molested when he was younger he's got a documentary called call me lucky or they call me lucky it's supposed to be like really dark really good you know Bobcat is awesome great filmaker but um anyway um he had a bit about going to the record store and the clerk at the record store like you listening to this like [ __ ] you man it brings me joy yeah that that doesn't affect you in any way whatsoever yeah get out of here that's it Barry kerans and I don't know what what are they doing with their pose there I it looks like they're trying to look like dwarves look like they're trying to look like gorillas are standing up in their back legs yeah Barry kerans was like back when I was starting out um I was an open micer he was already established comedian he was like one of the uh did you start in Boston too yeah yeah he was one of the like the main guard of like the established uh comedians in Boston like the established Headliners like
really really respected guy very original political very political just very just very wise guy had some really good things to say he's really good to follow on Twitter too his Twitter is filled with uh very good points and also he he'll tweet some great articles and stuff and different things but uh Bobcat also started out in Boston so Bob he uh he did this documentary on Barry and I I don't think it comes out for a couple months but I think right now they're touring and doing the um you know the uh festival thing and trying to get it up there fantastic man I I'll put that [ __ ] thing down and contribute just be a part of the show will you Periscope a little oh get Periscope uh I'm now do you like consume all like movies or whatever that's stand up related like can you watch like the new Kevin Pollock one what's the new Kevin Pollock one something around people being miserable or something misery loves comedy loves misery or something like that I didn't see that yeah like I I've got that queued up ready to go when I get home so it's like I like I love all those types of movies I like some of them but I mean we're around comedy all the time I don't need someone to tell me what comedy is and I don't need someone it's just like the idea that do do comedians have to be miserable let's explore this like I have friends that aren't miserable they comedians I don't have to explore that I mean yeah cuz you cuz you know or it's like or it's like you could just sit back and enjoy their art and say like okay yeah like do you do you have to go into the mental state of a Jackson Pollock or can you just sit back and be like wow those are some cool paintings yeah well I like them well I mean I don't think there's a problem with exploring whether or not comedians are miserable it's just I don't want to do it I don't need to do it yeah I don't like that idea either that you could just lump everybody together like are all musicians [ __ ] no some musicians are [ __ ] what was that thing you sent me the other day Stone Temple Pilots guide oh my God Scott wheen was either wasted on something or but he that was sad to watch he he's not in the Band anymore right they kicked him out kicked him out now the lead singer of Lincoln Park is touring with
them wasn't that the same banjo that you saw at a private party like UFC party or well this is Dana White's birthday party his 40th birthday I think it was and God damn it dude they [ __ ] nailed it they did that show at a private party there was only a few hundred people there and they did that show as if it was a packed Arena love that I mean he did the whole he had his the bullhorn you know he does like some of his s he sings some of it like to change the sound of his voice he sings into uh a bullhorn it was uh Scott Scott wiland yeah he's a bad [ __ ] dude let me hear this is this at the party oh I can tell you right now that guy he can't even balance correctly that dude is he's on some hero as Joe Diaz would say look at dancing yeah he's moving in slow motion yeah I bet he's having a good time though sure yeah oh my God he's tripping let me hear this [Music] [Music] God it's one it's one note he's just oh he's he's Heron out of eyes yeah dead eyes hey what I saw was the total opposite of this you saw like jumping around and moving cring it I mean he was was crushing it I was really really you know I have no musical Talent at all so I love watching musicians because you watch musicians you can kind of get this inspiration from them that's totally unrelated to what you do like I was really impressed with him as a performer just as just as an artist I was like this guy's [ __ ] bringing it he's showing up to some yeah he showing up to some private party they probably got a [ __ ] assload of money but apparently he was a nightmare to deal with backstage they were threatening to walk if the show didn't start right now like there was all this craziness to it like he wasn't chill about the experience at all but yeah but what but you know maybe he's amped up to get up there cuz once he got up there he was [ __ ] smashing it it was so it was so tight and smooth and like everything he was doing was such like energetic and focused and I was super super super impressed it's cool when you can see someone who's really in their element you're like oh yeah you were absolutely put on this planet to be a rock star like this is what you do and you're fantastic at
never say that but I would say he's nailing it he's whatever it is that takes to be a rock star that guy is in that Groove he's in that head space he's worked really hard he's done all the preparation necessary and he's producing it at a very very high level that that's that's one thing I definitely would say I don't think anybody's born to be a rock star or born to be a poet or any of that there's a lot of silliness when it comes to that kind of [ __ ] I think some people's personalities because of whatever reason are better suited for certain activities but that makes sense I don't think anybody's born to do anything you know they just they they just kind of discover where they kind of where their talent or where their personality can sort of fit the best and then they just yeah accelerate I mean find what you enjoy and do it I mean like for you like you know you're in college MH Mia brings you on stage you you you say funny [ __ ] then you realize I could be funny holy [ __ ] like and next thing you know I mean what was that process like did you get home and start writing did you start watching comedy like what did you do I consumed everything like right that one moment yeah one blip uh just cuz I got to laugh and it was it was a sold out it was a sold out improv and I was just like wow this is and I mean you know the the the drug of standup of being on stage and saying something and then having a whole room of strangers just laugh and it was and that and for me I've always used laughter as like kind of a defense mechanism cuz when I when when I meet people I try to imediately make a dwarf joke just so they're comfortable just they like go like oh okay he's cool with it and then I can kind and now and now we can be friends like now we can move on past that uh so that's like something you learned over the years yeah you think that has to do with the way your dad sort of like absolutely absolutely cuz and you know cuz then if I don't talk about it then people are like on pins and needles cuz they don't know if they're going to offend me or if they're going to like say something that's going to set me off you know so they're so if I make that quick joke then they're like oh oh okay you're fine I'm I don't have to worry about it uh so yeah as soon as I went on stage the first time I went
home and I just started writing like crazy and just started writing all the stories that I've told at parties for years just of experiences and and things like that and just started watching a ton of Comedy someone uh showed me the Jerry sefel documentary uh comedian and I was like I was in man that's a sneaky documentary you know why because he put Orie Adams in that movie to make himself look good I know he did I know he put Orie like Orie like he they they focused on like look they come to you and they say look you're going to be in a documentary about comedy with Jerry Seinfeld you're like [ __ ] yeah I'm in you're a struggling comic and they they narrow in on this neurotic guy who's a mess and he's freaking out he's trying to get and he just he's got no experience being on camera and you just [ __ ] shove this camera in his face and in contrast it makes Jerry Seinfeld look very very likeable he's polished and he's done this for years and now trying to do the new act and like and but then at the same time like and as Comics we know this now like yeah Jerry Seinfeld was trying to write new material but and when he's going on stage like he's done this a thousand times so that scene where he's essentially trying to think of a word or bombing as some people would say he's very comfortable in that scenario CU he knows what to do and he's very analytical cuz he's done it a million times it's not Orie to where when he goes on he's you know he's neurotic and he's learning all this stuff yeah cuz uh yeah I saw that movie I thought I I thought I knew Orie Adams and then I actually met the guy I'm like oh you're [ __ ] cool he's just a normal dude I like you but you know they edit it they focus on all the most ridiculous [ __ ] that the guy does get that camera in his face you have Barry cats breaking you down on camera which is preposterous the whole thing is I me like I saw that I'm like they set this dude up like they they used him in this [ __ ] documentary but you know if you're really going to show a guy creating new material or guy you got to kind of do a guy who's not loved already right you know who can't walk on stage and get a standing ovation before you've said one word so that's where Orie comes in so it's I think they kind of it helps to
have a guy like that where you following another guy but on the way up yeah why did they choose Orie you know yeah choose a guy who's not going to overshadow him you know it's interest like you know they didn't do like a Kevin Hart type character some big powerful you know energetic performer just crushes and like well hell they had they had the one scene at uh carolin's where I don't know who the comic was it might have been Angel salar but check it out yeah yeah yeah shck it out shck it out where like he was doing his costume changes on stage at yeah I think it was carolin's and then you see Jerry in the back like well how am I going to follow this like how am I going to go on after this yeah just walk on stage and say hi I'm Jerry Seinfeld and tell a couple jokes boom you're following it tell jokes that are actually good you be fine don't worry about it dude that's it but yeah yeah I I just just I just consumed all things comedy I never saw that I am comic either it was just that was the documentary that everybody always quotes because that's the one where me he admits to stealing material and he does that that interview he's talking about you know yeah I steal of course I steal you know if I'm on stage you better run [ __ ] L people lot people thought sarc sarcasm I think was doing to be sarcastic you can't do that if you are actually are a thief yeah that's true how do you how do you do that if you actually are a plagiarist I mean that's that's preposterous but that's how that's all I know about that documentary mhm oh yeah cuz I'm sure people tweeted you that clip like crazy is that a touchy subject with you you talk about your friend yeah kind of cuz it's like yeah he's my friend you know and and and we're still friends and so we still text every now and then hell uh some some of your fans will probably like when that thing was at its peak uh there was a moment where some of your fans will probably hate me for this but he called me up um and was like I'm quitting I'm not doing this anymore I'm not doing stand up anymore I'm not I'm out I'm just this is too much I can't and I like I was on the phone with him for like 3 hours and like talk him into like back into doing it damn yeah know see yeah see that's when all your listen man there's nothing wrong with him doing
standup you know that's not it was never the issue like what the issue always was was he was victimizing other comedians I mean and you might not know it cuz you weren't around I I wasn't around the scene like I like this isn't a mystery and and this and the sad part is is because because I was with him on the road I would see things happen during the day and then him go on stage that night do 20 minutes on what happened during the day and have it be brilliant stuff I'll be the first one to say he's a great comic when he's like being a comedian you know what the problem is MHM people get addicted to killing and they want to kill all the time and when they don't have something to say they'll take somebody else's [ __ ] and that's the reality of it it's a lack of Artistic integrity that's the reality it doesn't mean you're not talented it's like we were talking about before there's Grays yeah there's not everybody's good or everybody's bad or you know everybody on this side is good everybody on that side is bad it's not that some people are really talented but they're they also have questionable ethics and that's that's reality and because what is most important to them is agulation and love it's filling up that hole whatever that hole that was created we all have a hole every comic has a hole that was created by their childhood some more than others you know some some in a different way than others everybody's everybody's varies and some people that the need to kill is way more important than the need to be original and the need to be creative and when they don't have anything to say when they don't they can't they can't find something they'll just steal and once they steal they steal all the time and once they that becomes what they do mm then and they do it to their friends they do it to people they don't know they do it to open micers they sit in the back room and they write things down and he's not the only one that's ever done this he was the only one that was ever called out for it and got busted for it publicly yeah cuz and these things still happen today where you know behind the scenes someone comes up to someone and says hey that joke look there it's still an issue like Artistic integrity is always going to be an issue there's for sure there's parallel thinking for sure there's
there's going to be people that come with similar jokes like there's always something that happens in the news like Kanye West uh go interrupting you know Taylor Swift there's going to be a bunch of people that have a joke about that especially with Twitter you'll see it because I I remember when um I remember when Bruce Jenner uh got into that car accident and and the and the woman died one of the first tweets I saw was Neil Brennan saying great now every comic's going to say that uh Bruce Jenner is really becoming a woman cuz he can't drive and that like that was his tweet and then sure enough within minutes you saw comedians tweet that joke like it just filled up the line because that's the most obvious punchline there right so like you have all these eyes looking to one topic yeah that's what they're going to come up with it was pretty [ __ ] up that they did they even bring that up in the two hours that by the way killed someone by not paying attention right and recently yeah and it was to I mean anybody else in that similar situation like that would be the main focal point oh by the way you [ __ ] weren't paying attention while you were driving a giant truck with a [ __ ] boat behind it you're not supposed to smashed what do you mean I think on the PCH that somebody said that you're not supposed to have trailers or or something on that street because of that reason of stopping faster Google that find out if that's true I don't know if that's true but that could be true you could have done a Dian Sawyer interview on the fact that you [ __ ] killed someone a month ago I mean they yeah glossed over it like it was that's not important what's important is are you a woman are you a woman who kills people you a life yeah and and by negligence by pure negligence while you're smoking a cigarette yeah and I I think I heard um I Heard uh I heard Corolla talk about this and I I thought it was really interesting I mean the fact that like I I think the car he hit and then she veered off into oncoming traffic and and the car that hit her was like a Hummer mhm yeah and that that part sucks cuz you're like well if you get hit by a yarus yeah you're good what's a yarus a yarus is uh I don't know it's a little little tiny car it's not that yeah I it's a small
car do matter yeah but like yeah you get hit by any sort of regular you have to pull up a Ys it's fine it's a car they taped the interview before the car accident it says oh that makes sense there you go there you go uh so okay oh okay yeah there it is I mean makes you can't have like an aster like how did they tape it so long ago yeah and then not and then just sit on it yeah that's interesting but yeah a [ __ ] really yeah but it was the whole thing of where like out of all the cars on the road that hit you head on it had to be a Hummer yeah that's not good no it's just negligence like that is just so infuriating and to have it you know from a person that's in the public eye people get really angry about it but in this set in this case it seems to be like fading like no one really seems to give a [ __ ] about it other than the people right directly new and they're like there's people that are trying to sue but they're the stepdaughters and apparently they didn't even have a relationship with a woman and they're suing now they're like oh but you took away the my chance to rekindle that relationship so I deserve a million dollars that is kind of true sort of I mean I guess who the [ __ ] is to say that I was going to call her tomorrow if there's anybody that deserves like money from like a lawsuit it's not the people suing Manny Pacquiao for 5 million bucks cuz you had a hurt shoulder it's the people who well hey Bruce Jenner killed my mom okay okay probably get some money it's not like he's broke yeah let's get yeah let's give you some money for that it's uh and you almost just never hear about that anymore you don't hear about the fact that it's you hear about it at all no it's just him becoming a woman now just Fades away Fades away into Oblivion it's interesting how the public decides to fixate on certain things and not fixate on other things sure like I was thinking about that when it came to this uh police violence case you know the public will decide the Freddy gray one is one sticks but this South Carolina one where the cop shot the guy in the back on video just running away the guy was running away it wasn't a guy who died in the back of a van it was a guy who's running away and the cop shoots him like that one didn't stick I I am shocked yeah well it's like uh it was it's kind
of like a few years ago and all these and a bunch of Comics made jokes about it but it was like when every when it was like missing kid time it was like we're this every story is going to be a new missing and everyone made the joke that it was all like good looking white women and not there so many other missing kids and now it's kind of like that but with police brutality and then like it it it's almost like the news just sits down one day and says what are we going to focus on this week like like like what's going to happen did you see Nightcrawler yes that's a perfect love that movie Perfect movie if you want to understand like this whole like it beds it leads St yeah that style of news well and it also gives you really in real insight into what what a news show is it's an entertainment prr they're trying to get ratings same way everyone else is they're not trying to Enlighten you they're not trying to educate you they're just trying to somehow or another get you to pay attention yeah that's why I like uh the the speech in the TV show The Newsroom uh was near the beginning of the first season uh Jeff Daniels plays the news broadcaster and he talks about what the news was designed to be and how there were people that when the news was first conceived they they said no ads no sponsors government funded or I mean then you go into a whole another part where they can't talk about government people but yeah it's like no sponsors to where they have to get ratings just this is the news it's going to be put on by taxpayer money you pay a little extra get you get the news so now it's not people with the uh the news tickers at at the bottom trying to sensationalize everything what did Hillary Clinton really mean when she said Republicans and Democrats and they're fighting and like so the newscasters don't have that to go to and uh I I thought that was a great little monologue that made that made me kind of think like yeah why do we like why do the news have to be ratings cuz and it's like you said it's an entertainment show that's all it is at the at the end of the day they're trying they're trying to get eyes they're trying they're trying to get sponsors they're trying to get they're trying to get ratings so yeah you're going to lead with
uh you know the sensationalized murders and the the a that's how you get people to pay attention it's the only way it's also like what we were talking about earlier it's like when you you run into like most people that you communicate with online like my in my interactions with people on Twitter and on uh Instagram or Facebook are almost universally positive there's very few negative people that I've run into and most of is cuz I'm nice and I don't cause too much [ __ ] mhm but I say controversial [ __ ] I just I run into enough nice people but there's a certain percentage that are just gun and it's just the numbers game well when you when you're dealing with the news yeah if you're trying to put on an hour show you're dealing with the events of 7 billion people and the Nepal earthquake and the typhoon that hits the Philippines and this and the that and the that and the this and the murder and the death and the cop and the shot and the boy and the gun and the baby and the and you can just fill that hour up with these events because the sheer numbers if you just looked out if you opened up your window and you looked out your apartment and you saw 7 billion people you'd be like well of course some shit's going down yeah there's too many people yeah going to happen the events that you're dealing with if you're dealing with even like one 100th of one% of chaos and violence sure that's pretty good when you consider you know what the world must have been like you know 5 6,000 years ago people just [ __ ] show up and cut your village in half with swords and then just say all right we own it now yeah flaming arrows go flying through the air oh great we're doing this again you know that was the news I that was what the news was back then the news was you open up your window and people were trying to kill you yeah here uh here's who your king is now all right great so if you try to like pack a a 7 billion person like report on the events of 7 billion people how the [ __ ] are you going to do that in an hour you're not and you're not getting an hour by the way you get 44 minutes 18 minutes of [ __ ] commercials or 16 minutes commercials and they're like the news is biased you're like well yeah for that reason because they have to look at all
events and say which ones do we want to focus on well they their job is not to educate you no their job is to get you to pay attention that's it and we have this idea that somehow or another they're like our Educators like this is the news and you know when you hear them talking in that strange way the newscasters talk Tom broke our voice yeah it's the my favorite is when they uncomfortably try to comment on things in between stories well that's upsetting it certainly is next story yeah the uh the local news broadcast like after the last story and that 20 seconds at the end of the broadcast where they have to like be funny or just interact did you see that one where the uh woman was talking to a black guy there was a woman who was a white uh newscaster and she had a black guy with her and they were talking about Lady Gaga Lady Gaga did a performance and she starts calling it [ __ ] music Black gu she doesn't know what [ __ ] is apparently have you seen this listen to this of course it's Fox News and called it wonderful listen it's very impressive hard to really hear her voice with all the [ __ ] music whatever you want to call it [ __ ] voice oh my God how about the black guy just sitting there going y Rob right there I have a mortgage I'm a robot has there been anything like that though that you've said that you didn't know like I I didn't know it was racist to say hey boy to a black guy like I I remember saying it I moved to LA and I remember the first year I was out there you never say boy to a white guy yeah well I mean it's was like what's up boy to like I remember said that to my friend and my friend goes what what wait what you just say I was like boy guy hey man and he goes do you know what you shouldn't say boy to a black eyye and then he explained to me I was like I've never heard this before in my life well now we're going through that with uh [ __ ] like you can't out you can still say cabbie though for cab driver so cling to that [ __ ] they won't they won't even exist in another few years after Uber domes Market did I tell you I took a cab the other day I did not know how much more expensive it was and how bitter
they have like the second I got in there that's all they talked about was how horrible Uber was did you bring up Uber no I had no I didn't say it I was like oh thanks man uh yeah you know my phone's dead so I couldn't uh you know call Uber no so I couldn't so I couldn't call because I was had to flag it down a taxi and uh and I was like I my phone's said I couldn't call uh and he goes oh that's right then this Uber and he the whole time the whole right home he was just bitching about Uber sure cuz they had a monopoly in the market then someone figured out how to do it better you ran into a [ __ ] yeah yeah and it was $20 more like it it cost for the same ride yeah for the exact same ride I've taken a million times with Uber $20 more yeah how do the how do they get paid they get a check from Uber is that how that works yeah I think it's twice a month it's direct deposited into their do they do any background checks on the people that are involved they're supposed to uh and now with all the latest news and stuff it's gotten more intense but uh it's still it's still easy I mean I know a ton of people who are Comics that are Uber drivers I was like what you're an Uber driver hilarious like you're a horrible person well David Seaman was uh David se he he does some [ __ ] Uber driving in his spare time well that's it's just a pick up chicks I think no remember when dead mouse was doing it he was Uber driving up in Toronto with his [ __ ] Ferrari and they had his logo like you know how they had the car logo like it was the Dead Mouse mask that was that that was on the map like that must been cool as [ __ ] get picked up by dead mouse and D driven around in a Ferrari what if you have luggage though like [ __ ] you don't even have a trunk you [ __ ] yeah like could you imagine just being on the side of the street like all right call this Uber then like Jean Simmons pulls up Joe Rogen you're a very rich and powerful man and then you get Super Lucky like to get someone who's not totally [ __ ] in your car though yeah well now like uh uh there's a thing like um Hillary like Hillary Duff is getting a lot of press cuz she's on Tinder yeah and she's like filming it and stuff and like cute like is she trying to do a reality show I I have no idea is that what it is sure yeah Jamie knows he's just nodding his
head over there is that what she's doing what uh let's go to our US Weekly Report with Jamie why Jamie say that again I she did a few dates and they filmed a couple things and they went on well she probably film it just so nobody kills her right yeah no [ __ ] some psychos shows up and it's Hillary Duff speaking of psychos I watched Goen clear last night oh oh oh you Haden seen that before Oh my god well I read part of the book and i' seen like some clips from the documentary but oh my God I watched it last night that is incredible yeah you know Scientology is down to only 50,000 members that's what they're saying yeah and with that they still have a billion dollars they have over a billion dollars in cash I mean there was a equity there there was like two sponsored tweets today that I saw like by Scientology and they and the what's their Twitter handle I think it's just at Scientology or at church Scientology or at uh we will control you you small weak-minded imp something something like that uh yeah and uh they yeah Scientology yeah how many people they have let's take a guess 28,000 damn that's it that's it that's it I am one followers of Scientology yeah sweet 28,000 but like look what their top photo is like their top photo of the Church of Scientology is a lot Lobby of a of a hotel or building that looks like a palace yeah like that's what their logo is well that's the church that's where they party that's where they give praise to zenu yeah meet hikey a mother and Scientologist wow so I guess they're like on a publicity run to try to you got to be the same way uh SeaWorld now is how has those commercials look at this because of Scientology Mayu treats her young son as an individual as a result he's a happier child what as opposed to what you treat him like he's a [ __ ] puzzle piece what what does that mean what yeah what parent isn't doing that and it's because they're not a Scientologist this is weird Fu this is weird Joe did you see the the the SeaWorld uh like how that new commercial that they've been uh playing so like we haven't captured a Orca in the wild for 20 years or something like that they just forced them to breed in captivity a Slave yeah there there are some FAL we're not that mean we're just [ __ ]
this is really wild man they're trying to go for the diversity angle the Scientology uh Twitter page the Scientology mission of catm De serves as the base camp for Scientology Nepal Disaster Response # Nepal Quake we're helping well and I'm I'm sure they'll help by completely obliterating psychiatry in the in the Nepal region and then all the people will be better it's just amazing when you see the actual films of el Ramen hubber talking yes you know that was what it was amazing and Paul haggas the director like who who like got to like some super high level you get the handwritten notes from elron hubard he was like what the [ __ ] is this yeah did you see it have you seen the documentary dud you have to you have to it's a whole new level bro it's that good it's that good I I I got it last night on HBO GO you ever use HBO GO I just got it last night to watch the Nirvana uh movies on there now B thing yeah um I was going to watch that too but I said let me watch this I really it was late at night I was like I'm just going to watch this for like 10 15 minutes nope and I was Glu to that [ __ ] for two whole hours I watch it it's it's sad too man some of the people's bad experiences with their children with their fam kids being taken away and being forced to work on top of a roof of a building [ __ ] dude it was how about the mother whose daughter won't talk to anymore the whole family grew up scientologists and it's it's really hard to watch and then the guy who started taping the people that were out front of his house like the Scientologist out front of his house to do a smear campaign against them I think it's really important whenever you're talking about something like this to look at both sides of it and this does not look at both sides of it this is only one side of it I had a neighbor that was a Scientologist I actually don't think he is anymore and I don't live near him anymore but he was a Scientologist he was the nicest [ __ ] guy and he was telling me how much it helped them and how much it it got his life in order so I I don't think it's all negative I think there's there's some horror [ __ ] stories well sure it's the same thing like uh like some of the nicest people I've ever known in my life were Mormons yeah Mormons are great
Mormons if I had to pick a religion I would I really would pick Mormonism I really would they're all family oriented they all like have like tight-knit or they try to have tight-knit families they're really like supportive they their church functions are pretty pretty and they'll and they all kind of band together to help each other I mean granted then you have uh the instances where polygamous and girls are being married off at age 12 and likeu those are some weird sex though Mormonism they don't really have those right though you know that's all you know that's Mitt Romney do you know the whole deal with Mitt Romney oh no oh great oh this is going to be great my dad's like a hardcore Republican Romney dad um couldn't be president because he was born in Mexico the reason why he was born in Mexico was cuz Mitt Romney's family is from an extreme sect of of Mormonism that left the country when polygamy became illegal so really they left the country in the 1800s back when there was no cars when there were was no cars Mexico was just as cool as America was probably even cooler like let's just go over there [ __ ] it we're on horses [ __ ] difference is make land and land yeah you have a horse over here you have a horse over there have a horse over here you can have 15 wives you know lock them up in a dungeon you have a party you know over here you have to have one wife and they tell you what [ __ ] them have to pay taxes get the [ __ ] out of here let's go let's go 15 so Mitt Romney and his family um they came from this one sect and this they're heavily armed and they fight off the [ __ ] tal or not the Taliban the drug cartels down there like they get kidnapped and [ __ ] it's like extreme [ __ ] like the whole the whole scene is like really dangerous these guys are like they have rifles everywhere they're going they they're always worried the drug cartels are going to storm the gates it's it's really interesting I believe Vice did a piece on it was it a vice piece see if you find it Vice is pretty damn cool they I think they did a piece on I think that's where I got all the uh the original information from then I just kept looking into it right but Mitt Romney's dad like always wanted to be president but couldn't because he wasn't born in America country right like Ted
Cruz Ted Cruz born in Canada that [ __ ] wait but he was running for president he's both American and Canadian citizen cuz his mother was American but he was born in Canada so like some sort of thing where I say if you're born in a plane shouldn't you be allowed to be president anywhere the Mexican Mormon War yeah that's it Vice full length [ __ ] dude interesting mhm yeah they're at War apparently with the uh drug cartels down there they get kidnapped and all kinds of CRA five part thing seven part thing Jesus full you can watch the full length thing I me on vice.com I mean the Waring Mormons sounds like a great band name like the Waring Mormons are playing Coachella next year the Mormon War I want a wives I live in Mexico it's like the Mormon gu well I think they were fine everything was cool until the drug war came and when the drug war came I think they got they got [ __ ] cuz they're like oh well now this place that we had sort of decided to live in is super dangerous yeah so now we got to go back yeah I don't know man I don't know what happened I don't know when when mitt and his family decided to come back to good old USFA having two wives sounds good you know just have one on each side of the house you know one week you spend one with one on paper dude in theory in theory it's like communism in theory is awesome yeah cuz everyone just does their own thing and then all the things are split amongst everyone and like hey you're a doctor and hey you're a mechanic but we're going to take care of everyone and it sounds great and then you get human beings into it where it's like okay now the doctor who went to 12 years of med school has to be like wa I'm being paid the same as the mechanic what the [ __ ] well you know what also too men like whenever someone has any control over people at all people don't like to be controlled at all and you know you get one grown adult that has any control over another grown adult and people resist and it gets ugly yeah telling people what they can and can't do with their existence on this planet right right right they don't want to hear that [ __ ] you you will you will be a mechanic you will be a carpenter you will be a tailor that's why Cuba doesn't work you
know it's like communism doesn't work in that way that style of dictator communism dictator driven communism where they decide what you're going to do what your occupation's going to be how much you can make and just socialism in general like the idea behind it is beautiful we all contribute we all become a part of this community in a way your small family Union your small family unit is a communistic state because you're all like helping each other out and you're all doing your jobs and husband together that's very communist right absolutely piling all your money together and sure and then but no one's telling the wife like you know [ __ ] you got to do this the rules yeah yeah this the husband this is his rule but I guess you are kind of I wonder if there's going to be any way that you can test for what you'd be best at though like the that website 23 and me it goes through your DNA and it tells you like if you have the warrior Gene if you have like all these certain genes uh if your kids are going to be bald but I wonder if there's ever going to be a thing where they go you're going to be really good at math stuff you're going to be really good at yeah but even if you are really good at it like say like if something comes along and says you're going to be really good at math but you really want to be a musician like who the [ __ ] is to tell you that you can't be a musician Dr Ken perfect example Dr Ken yeah Ken Jong was a was a doctor yeah like really recently and good at it apparently really good doctor and he's like you know uh doing this acting thing and doing comedy and I like that better I'm making a good living at it I'm going to do that instead and he's funny and he's great at that he's phenomenal at that I just think there's a lot of people that like to do a lot of things like look what if someone told me that I could either be a cage fighting commentator or a comedian I couldn't be both or have a podcast you know you know either you do a podcast or you know you do something else that's it one or the other I'd be like what how come or I can just do it all or like I got time [ __ ] you want to do man like that's the the beautiful thing one of the most beautiful things about life is people deciding what they want to focus their energy on and then you see the fruits of
their labor like someone who does murals like they could just decide I want to do really [ __ ] cool murals or someone who makes music or someone who writes books like you could just decide and when you got someone telling you what you can and can't do that just becomes all [ __ ] up man yeah it's the it's it's the reverse psychology thing where you where you almost go you almost go against it like you even if it makes sense just because you're like I don't like you telling me to do that oh yeah man people people just it's not a natural aspect of for some people it's natural for some some people enjoy being told what to do some people they need that guidance in their life they they like it and then there's also some people that like being ordered around there's like dominant and submissive people there's people that enjoy that and there's nothing wrong with that either makes you happy it's fine Freedom man freedom to be submissive is just as much of a freedom is the freedom to be free you know freedom to be an artist freedom to be a doctor [ __ ] let people figure out what their thing is even from families man I mean how many [ __ ] people like I know a dude and and his family disowned him no no I'm sorry his family disowned his sister because his sister didn't marry a doctor he's his the dad put the girl through uh nursing school with the hopes that the girl would marry a doctor not only she could be a nurse just so she can marry she marry a doctor dad's a total piece of [ __ ] wow and the dad disowned her and uh because she married some [ __ ] mechanic or something like that she fell in love with some regular dude this is the world is just filled with stories like that yeah for a while uh my parents told me that I could only marry a dwarf because any tall woman would only want me for either a sick fetish or for fame or for money or something like that wow yeah I mean they they they they've since changed their tune but uh did you bring up Peter Dinklage he's got a regularized gal yes he does no uh no they like you said that with the Eyebrow R oh yeah yeah I like the tall women I like them why not man they like you right why not and that like I have shelves in my house I would love to get used yeah get up there [ __ ] I'm tired of using ladders exactly I would love to
put things up there get the fancy plates tonight weting off to find China yeah you see those baked beans the top shelf go go grab them that like Miss yeah that like that's like that's dwarf porn dwarf porn is just watching people reach [ __ ] you're just sitting there like h God I want to do that one day that's so hot do you worry like as a standup that there's going to be a certain amount of like dwarf jokes that way you you'll hit like a wall yeah I do I mean but the thing is is is this your first special yes this is my first hour special I've had I have two albums out and uh and then this is the third special or or the third hour that's being put out there what are the albums out called and where can people get them if they want to get them yeah uh on iTunes they're called Williams coming up short and then the second album is called hi ho and uh yeah and they're available on iTunes they're available on my website Brad williamsc com.com if you order them from my website I'll sign them and send them to you oh [ __ ] look at that it's worth about 5 cents more all right uh so yeah and and but the thing is is that like my jokes are always going to have a little person perspective because I don't know how to write any other way they're not necessarily going to be dwarf jokes like hey I can like like isn't this weird I wear this size shirt or whatever the [ __ ] like it's not going to be I always use this example that a guy told me to say on stage he's like I wrote a joke for you I was like what's that he goes you go on stage and say you can take a bath in a thimble it's going to be hilarious and I was like all right thanks good so so that so that's like my example of like the of like the cheesy dwarf joke um but no matter what I do no matter what I experience it's always going to be through that perspective simply because I don't know what it's like if it's that different to experience things through the Through The Eyes of a 5 fo8 guy I don't know I'm not familiar with it I don't know I don't know if it's different it might be exactly the same do you think that you'll ever get to a point where it just doesn't even get addressed like say if you become a famous comic and you're you know 20 years in and you're you know
doing specials on a regular basis like every 2 three years everybody knows who you are everybody knows what you I would I would I would imagine cuz because right now it's at a point where when I go on stage I have to talk about it because the entire audience is like yo what's this what's what's up with this I got I I got to know because people aren't that familiar with little people it's an experience that a lot of people aren't necessarily and and there's a lot of nuances to it that some people just aren't like quite aware of so and they have a lot of questions so I go on stage and I address those questions uh but uh I don't want you to think that my entire Act is just like dwarf joke dwarf joke dwar J right no like I go into you run out right there there's only so many things that that that you can cover right now uh in the new hour that I'm try that I'm trying to get together a lot of the jokes are just like this is what my life is like these are the stories that happened to me that are weird as [ __ ] that you would that your advertised person wouldn't even consider and you don't think about and it's not necessarily like ah if I fall off a curb that's a long way man you know it's not like that it it's just like when a dude got like when and I won't do the joke but like a guy I got into a car accident with a guy and he got out and and when he saw me he didn't give a [ __ ] about the car accident he was just like whoa all right let's talk about this and he started asking me questions wow was that a norm is that a normal thing for you do that happen yeah like people have is that uncomfortable did you annoy you um the fact that he wasn't angry about the fact that I [ __ ] up his car I was like you hit him oh it was totally my fault I was texting while driving like a [ __ ] idiot never do that people my fault um so yeah I wrecked his car and like he he didn't care he's like dude this is awesome like he just started talking to me about being a little person I'm like whatever whatever distracts you bro an elf who just showed up yeah like how bizarre do you have phone books taped to your pedals and stuff like that I have uh pedal extenders so so it's kind of close so it's like me metal rods that you put on that you attach and then you put that have a pedal on top of it Brian
don't you remember that dude who drove us around oh oh yeah in Texas yeah no arm he had no arms and no legs he had Nubs arms and he drove us around we we got in the car and controls video of it yeah we have video Jo show 10 I believe it is is that available can you people find that on YouTube yeah wow see if you can find that Jamie we'll end with that but yeah he's he drives around with his elbows and he was like spinning you know the the steering wheel and necessity is the mother of invention yeah this it was a trip he was a really good dude and he was drunk I think or something I don't know if he was drunk I didn't breathe him yeah oh look at that yeah he's got the Nubs I forgot about him that was has Good Rear naked defense yeah he slips out of it yeah and uh this guy drives around he drives us around in his van wow yeah there's a part where right after here where he actually shows him driving I think wow uh yeah and then his other friend what was up with his other friend again oh his other friend was paralyzed he was in a wheelchair and he was heckling and he wouldn't stop heckling so I taught a girl who's in the front row with him how to choke him unconscious so she choked the dude out oh this is in uh Cap City yeah Cap City Comic Club in Austin yeah yeah I I I recorded my first album there that place is awesome man love that club show this part this is a good part shut the [ __ ] up dude so is this the guy with no arms who's heckling yeah no this is his friend I had him shut up the only way I could think of I talked his friend into choking him unconscious there was a girl that was with him and I explained to her how she could get him in a rear naked choke from my place it's my space Edition then choke him out well yeah she eventually did grab a hold of your right bicep with your left knee I I coaxed her through it yeah forgot all about this you know how to do it it's called a rear naked choke I'll [ __ ] choke that little [ __ ] if you know on his bicep on your bicep your bicep your left hand you [ __ ] [ __ ] your other these people are so drunk and so stupid be right or left now squeeze that [ __ ] that's T
awesome you know you have to be ruining a show when the audience is encouraging to lose Consciousness a woman who just showed her tits to choke a man who's in a wheelchair unconscious did you it hilarious you're lucky that dude didn't die like sue the [ __ ] out of you choose your dri carefully look at this valet what the [ __ ] you going to do now [ __ ] yeah how's a valet going to utilize that equipment oh valet [ __ ] hate me it was fun man and yeah would you valet your car no like I like I pull up and I just go dude let me do it yeah I would imagine right like they probably they have to have their knees up way high yeah yeah yeah cuz and like I've got my car I've got my seat put at the perfect spot where I can see the mirror the steering wheel's good I can reach everything it's good then the valet gets in they just [ __ ] it up so I so I just tell them hey I'll pay the valet fee just let me park it I'll come out like just do that are there certain cars you can use and certain cars you can't use like certain cars you can't adjust properly yeah like the car I have right now I've got a Lexus CT which is a little hatchback hybrid and uh I didn't have to do too much to it I got pedal extenders on that that were very small and then the seat moves up a lot but also their steering wheel extends out so I my arms are cuz my arms are small but uh yes I was able to grab the steering wheel I can drive that thing with not too much modification the only thing I had to do was I also had to pop the airbag cuz I'm really close to the steering wheel so if that so if that airbag goes off takes your head off yeah I'm gone you ever seen people's faces when they get hit with that airbag that airbag [ __ ] give you some black eyes it it looks like they got hit with a waffle iron and they got like those lines on their face that's a good way to put it yeah and and and I got to tell L this to you uh based on watching that video uh thank you because you treated that guy and his friend like an equal you you just like no you're in the front row your your buddy's heckling I don't care that you got no arms well there was 300 other people in the show that he was ruining it for what people have to deal with and you and we could all agree on
this when you're doing ackling it's not just you this person's [ __ ] it up for you they're [ __ ] up for the whole room that's why everybody gets angry at them yeah it's like people don't understand that like there's this thing like you're trying to put on a show and when someone jumps in like that like that person needs to be stopped at all costs yeah I like when I get a Heckler it's why I like some people say when a comic will go on stage and they get a Heckler and then they get like oh but he this woman was heckling him and then he said that she should go get raped by a thousand dicks it's like he's not thinking or she's not thinking what's politically correct at that moment your only thought is shut the [ __ ] up get this person me possible as hilarious and also reflect the attitude of the room right cuz the room they're [ __ ] angry like if you they want to say something like that but they can't you know so you're the voice of that yeah they're 15 20 rows back and if you say I hope you get raped by a thousand dicks like yes they don't really think that but that's when you violate the agreement the agreement is you come to a show yeah that's it that's the agreement you come you're an audience member you're not a part of the show and you're interrupting bits that are planned out in advance you're interrupted time you're making it all about you you're a selfish [ __ ] right and I hate that excuse of well you should be a professional it's part of your job that is part of the job yeah that I shut you the [ __ ] up that is part J possible but the idea that you should be a profession meaning that like this is like you should just deal with it and you shouldn't say anything mean but without saying anything controversial [ __ ] you you don't even know what this job is don't you have no idea like people think that just because they paid money to come see you they can sort of dictate how you do it well yeah it's the same way with same way with the movies I paid money to see this X-Men movie it must be to my liking yeah Cyclops is wearing the wrong outfit cons cons Avengers right Avengers on xon I remember all right Brad Williams funny Brad uh on Twitter and your special is May 8th May 8th Brad Williams Fun Size which is really soon that's like this
week great cover what's today this Friday yeah today is the 6th oh two days away yeah uh Showtime Brad Williams uh and then the other ones are available on iTunes just do a Brad Williams uh search or go to Brad Williams comedy.com and the uh the podcast that I do with uh Adam Ray is called about last night uh Mr Redban is a guest on a very future episode we've had Melissa McCarthy we've had bot Saget like we' got a lot of cool people on there hopefully in the future Joe Rogan uh and yeah and uh listen and uh and I'm really glad I finally got to do this because like I said year years ago I hated you having having never met you and now and now IED never hated you dude there you go I'm glad we got together too it was fun budy Brad Williams ladies and gentlemen see you [ __ ] soon bye-bye you've never been on a roller coaster oh I've been on yeah okay cu