Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASk-uFGou4U
hello [ __ ] what's cracking waiting for an answer um this episode of the podcast brought to you by new sponsor draftkings.com while we were in Denver last week I got schooled on the wonders of what's the best way to describe this this this new activity that a lot of you folks are engaging in called fantasy football it's basically the premise of our friend Steve Rena easy show the league and jeis Dungeons and Dragons for jocks yes Dungeons and Dragons for people who are really into sports and it's uh Jaime's a fanatic and it was sad seeing him scramble to try to make his picks uh but I know people are into it and uh football season is just around the corner and you can get your piece of $5 million during kickoff week at draftkings.com America's favorite onewe fantasy football site now I don't know much about fantasy football but I'm going to have to learn about it now because Jamie completely perplexed me this past week Greg Fitz Simmons is here and he wrote ad door's logo like we're in high school and he wrote it on his [ __ ] remember we used to do those Van Halen things with the the wings everybody used to do the Rolling Stones lips yes everybody to do that on their notebooks anyway DraftKings for Fantasy Football folks uh you've already been scouting players and doing research for your season long team so you can use that knowledge to actually win cash the first week of the Season at draftkings.com last year one player turned 11 bucks into 4,000 bucks in one weekend I heard about that another player won a million in one day just playing fantasy football how the [ __ ] did a guy win a million dollars in a day playing fantasy football Is that real they must it must be real it's on the ad that's incredible because he picked Shaquille O'Neal it's rookie year Well fantasy football is exciting is it can you do that he's you have to pick people that are not that are playing right now oh you don't even know how goes don't you know Shaquil retired shut your mouth doesn't he play basketball he's retired draftkings.com is about football you [ __ ] we can win huge cash starting the first week of the Season don't miss out on week one excitement reserve your spot now so bounce over to draftkings.com enter the pro promo code Rogan that's
enter the promo code Rogan and you'll get a free entry into week one $5 million kickoff bash at draftkings.com bigger events bigger winnings bigger millionaires this is insane I can't even believe him reading this but it is true apparently you could win a million dollars that's insane and a Rogan for free entry now at draftkings.com that's draftkings.com and that is the end of the [ __ ] sponsors for today why have more when you have Greg Fitz Simmons and his doors logo I Am yeah I am a sponsor out the joean experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day powerful Greg Fitz Simmons oh man what's up buddy smoke a little write a door logo settle in Greg wrote a for folks who just tuning in Now Greg wrote a doors logo on his notebook like as if we were in high school when remember when you we all used to do that in high school everybody I used to do the KISS logo I was a big kiss fan right kiss didn't the s's were like triangles on top right and like yeah it's like well the s's go like a z sort of oh right yeah like hey um do do bands do that anymore do they still have logos yeah but do they have logos that kids like draw on their notebooks or anything in I in yeah but 9in Nails is not today bro Nish nails from the '90s true like bands of today like the kids that were really stoned could do lead Zeppelin remember it had like a million little scribbles yeah and kids got props that were really good at that right like if a kid could do a solid doors logo from scratch like wow well my uh one of my best friends we used to sit in the back row baked in eth grade and he would draw on uh desks you know [ __ ] like the doors logos and all that and I was the class clown and now like all these years later he's one of the top record uh designers in the country yeah he worked for Jimmy Hendrick's estate for a while doing all those like the re-releases that they did he did all those album covers that my uncle used to do that my uncle used to work for Howard Mark's advertising which was the company that used to produce Kiss album covers and I was a little kid I met Ace Frey Ace Freely came into the office and he had no makeup on which was just insane it was like I was seeing the Easter bunny without his [ __ ] clothes on I was like what the [ __ ] I couldn't even believe he was really there and the
fact that he didn't have makeup on it was like it was almost like a life-changing event for like a 10-year-old or whatever the [ __ ] I was right cuz it was just I can't couldn't believe this was Ace really didn't have his makeup on how's he how's he just walking around and then I realized what a brilliant move that was they were famous but nobody knew what they looked like genius oh it's the greatest move of all time yeah like look the Insane Clown posi has the same thing the Insane Clown posi could be at the [ __ ] 7-Eleven right next to you buying cigarettes you would have no idea right you don't know what they look like is that what they look no that's Ace that's Ace Freely today or voiceover guys like they get mad groaning and the guys that do The Simpsons voices they're making more than anybody and they got all they can sit in a without getting annoyed yeah that's so true well Matt Stone and Trey Parker became famous like they they became famous they did their own movie and then they've done so many interviews and they've done like they took acid went to the Oscars remember that they wor women's dresses no [ __ ] they wee women's dresses I remember that I didn't know they were on assd that's amazing they're the greatest they're so important for the culture guys like that are so important guys that can make those kind of shows they're so [ __ ] see uh The Book of Mormon yes dude loved it that opening song I started laughing so [ __ ] hard and then I looked around the theater and people come in and they know it's Matt Stone and Trey Parker so they're they're like all right this is going to be shocking right but then when they start singing [ __ ] God in the mouth ass and [ __ ] and I'm laughing and I see the people are pulling back half the half the audience can't handle it that makes me laugh twice as hard and I and they're like far into the whole next scene and I'm still doubled over oh God that was [ __ ] brilliant here's here's them is that why you're in the dress it's just such a magical evening and everyone it's just everyone looks so spectacular you know we just wanted to be a part of it all it's a night of magic it's a night of magic that's great dude when they did that [ __ ] South Park movie and Satan and Saddam Hussein were in bed together
you see Satan's dick and they're allowed to show his dick because it's fake it's cuz it's rubber you know so they have like this rubber dick but it's it was movie it's so ridiculous well come on just suck my dick it was so ridiculous you're like how are they getting away with this they push so hard too like one of the reasons why they get away with putting all their [ __ ] in the movies is they put a bunch of stuff in the movies that are so [ __ ] up that they have some bargaining tools like they'll cut out some of this other stuff that they weren't planning on putting in there anyway yeah like the uh have you ever seen the full sex scene between the two puppets in Team America no they [ __ ] on each other they piss on each other I mean it's crazy he drops a log on her chest it's so ridic they cut out and they relased it c yeah so the scene is insane already it's already I remember the scene's insane insane it was way over the top in real life or the original version but they probably they do I know they do that [ __ ] on purpose like we used to do that like Paul Sims used to do that on news radio on purpose like they would say penis like there was an episode where Bill uh was uh bill mcneel was Phil Hartman's character had to say penis on the air and he said penis like a hundred times you know and they they put in like all these extra penises so they could trim it down right and that episode like didn't air until the third season they pulled that episode like it's too controversial right and then they aired it like in the third third or fourth season did it seem weird like did you it anyone like look different like out of nowhere one week somebody had like purple hair instead shorter hair or you know what I mean cuz it was a different season right no no no no well yeah it would definitely look different like you know three years people's faces change a little just a slight amount you know it was I went to the um the Phil Hartman had a star of Fame put on the Hollywood Walk of Fame he had a star and I went there and there were some people that I hadn't seen in 16 17 years like a lot of the writers and a lot of the people that worked on staff and it was weird it's like wow we're all getting [ __ ] old this is strange yeah laughing about it but it is strange to see the weathering like my
friend Lou Who I picture is this like boyed young kid is this hilarious writer Lou Morton he had gray hair I was like Wow me I'm getting no we just got together me and a few College friends I hadn't seen them in years and I looked around and you start to think wow I must not look as good as I think because they look [ __ ] terrible and they're my peers you know one guy is fat as [ __ ] so if if you get fat enough there is a key to aging where if you can put enough fat into your face it's like botox and you don't wrinkle and you kind of have that youthful glow cuz you're just filled with oil well you know William shackner allegedly does that on purpose I can see William shackner says I put on 5 lbs a year and 5 lbs a year keeps his face round and I I Just For Men and I keep it fat is that your move yeah no you're just coming up with an excuse for keeping it fat bro that's not true Dr Pepper you can't say that man because William shackner actually plans it so you can't claim it that is an amazing what it used to do when it when I wanted to get out of relationships it's pretty much the same thing I just you just fatten up you fat them out do you ever remember that kenneson bit about getting out of relationships no oh he had the best bit he's like you know not he's like I don't ever break up with them he goes I get them to break up with me that F that way they feel bad that they left me when when I needed them most it's flaw like he he did this thing where he he says I'll just stay up for weeks and do Coke and and then one they go Sam I just you're just not the guy that you were when I met you and I'm sorry but I have to go and she leaves it's Flawless she leaves the best part about it she feels bad cuz she left you when you needed her mous and you got to go out new Coke for three weeks have you ever heard Marin tell the kenneson stories oh yeah when he pissed pissed on his bed well just how crazy they were with Coke yeah Marin was on our podcast and he said that he heard voices in his head for almost a year who Kennison did no Marin did from they did so much coke they did so much coke he was hearing voices wow dude for like a year yeah he said that Kennison would just Redline itang all day he was just gone for days I wonder
what it was like like what what stops did he make in cuz he was like on the Sunset Strip going to like record store Diner bar strip like in one day he would make more stops than you would in a month yeah just ripped out of his mind sleeping three hours a night he sometimes didn't sleep for days apparently yeah he was an animal he was a the funniest thing about him was that he was a reverend people who if you if you never heard Kennison Go go download Louder Than Hell it was so offensive that Warner Brothers Never released it as a CD it's like one of the greatest comedy albums ever but it's only in cassette because Warner Brothers like so much homophobic stuff on there there just so much stuff that was so offensive to gay people you know and uh so that was that was never released it was never released as a CD I used to have it as a cassette but people have put it up now you can get it I got find get it through Torrance it's not on iTunes or anything like that um I don't think it's on iTunes man it might be see if it is just for hell no no Louder Than Hell loud as hell Louder Than Hell I think it's Louder Than Hell uh it's his first uh CD and then some of the material is uh similar to what was on his first H special like there's some Crossover with some of the material but it's his best stuff yeah those two his HBO special and Louder Than Hell those are the HBO special was from Montreal right no it was from the the Roxy right up the street from uh The Comedy Store okay he did it at that theater on Sunset which is perfect oh it's on there is it yeah it's on there oh yeah that's it man that right there my opinion best comedy CD ever that's my number one somebody had to say to me what was the most influential comedy CD that's it I think he was the best ever for a year I think for one year plus two years whatever it was when he was just a maniac right but you just can't keep that going because so awful he was on the crest of the wave you know the wave a wave has depth there's like there's a lot of failure and a lot of frustration underneath the ocean and it builds until it swells and then that [ __ ] wave pops out and that's where he was on the crest of that wave and he rode it and he got to Shore and just [ __ ] crashed well he was a superstar all of the sudden out that was
pretty goddamn good similar to Hunter S Thompson's metaphor about what happened in the 70s you ever heard that thing it's done to like it's great it was in um the movie uh the um the Johnny Depp movie oh yeah um uh fear and lothing in Las Vegas where he played him Johnny Depp did an awesome job of uh put pull that up see if we could find it um the uh wave speech from fear and lo in steal did I just steal that no no you probably never heard it no did you ever read fear and loathing No oh so good Johnny Depp was at the comedy store the other day watching Doug St hope funny really that's yeah they're buddies that's another thing though that that he's another one Hunter S Thompson was another one of my all time favorites there's another one that just burnt it out man this did you used to read him in Rolling Stone magazine or you'd read his book no I read his books yeah the first one I read Was Fear and Loathing it's not on this is strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas has it been 5 years six it seems like a lifetime the kind of peak That Never Comes again San Francisco in the middle 60s this is it right here was a very special time and place to be a part of but no explanation no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world whatever it meant and you may not know why [Music] there was Madness in any direction at any hour you could strike Sparks anywhere there was a fantastic Universal sense that whatever we were doing was right that we were winning and that I think was the [Music] handle that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil not in any mean or military sense we didn't need that our energy would simply prevail we had all the momentum we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave so now less than 5 years
later you can go up on a steep hill in Los Vegas and look West and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high water mark that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back Johnny Depp's a bad [ __ ] he is a bad [ __ ] he's a bad [ __ ] guy gonna act his dick off yeah but that was he that guy Hunter S Thompson was real similar to me to Kennison cuz he just burnt it out it was all Coke it was just Coke and booze and just and then he wrote a couple of great books and then there was just nothing left yeah and then towards the end I mean he was if you've ever seen Thompson on Letterman it's sad yeah because you can't you literally can't understand them you can't understand the words that are coming out of his mouth like he's you think he just fried his brain or fried it cooked it barbecued it sauteed it minced it up ran it through a [ __ ] grinder fried it again and it wasn't just Coke he was just pill everything everything a lot of acid everything he get his hands on he was a maniac there's a video or a um an article rather where a reporter followed him around and monitored his drug usage for the day it's insane yeah it's insane I mean it's it's I don't know if this was a typical day but this was this one day and I bet it was a typical day cuz he always talked about it I guess your system just gets used to it did you see him doing those hand things like where he's going like that's Thompson used to do that when he was I know somebody a friend of ours that does that all the time probably cop well you know it's sort of like uh uh it's visceral he may have some kind of learning disorder thinking thinking he's thinking he's like that's all it is all right here's here's his daily routine 300 p.m. rise 3:05 shivas Regal with morning papers smokes dun Hills 345 cocaine 350 another glass of shivas another Dunhill 4:05 PM by the way first cup of coffee and a Dunhill 415 cocaine 416 orange juice and another Dunhill 430 cocaine 454 cocaine 50 5 cocaine 511 coffee dun Hills 530 get more ice in the shivas cocaine at 5:45 6:00 smoking grass to take the edge off the day 7 p.m. the day 3 hours into it 3 hours in lit 7:05 Woody Creek tavn for lunch hinin uh two margaritas klaa a taco salad double order of fried onion
rings carrot cake ice cream a bean Fritter dun Hills another hinin cocaine and for the rest of the ride home a snow cone a glass of shredded ice which is poured over four jiggers of shivas okay so the snow cone is shivas okay 900 p.m. start snorting cocaine seriously it says 10 p.m. drops acid 11 11:00 p.m. chartreuse I don't know what that is cocaine and grass 11:30 cocaine etc etc 12 midnight Hunter S Thompson is ready to write wow that's when he sits down to write 12:05 to 6: a.m. he writes chartreuse cocaine grass shivas coffee Heineken clove cigarettes grapefruit dun Hills orange juice gin continuous pornographic movies 6 a.m. in the hot tub with champagne Dove bars fetuccini Alfredo 800 a.m. houseon which a sleeping pill 8:20 sleep so he would take a sleeping pill at 8:20 in the morning after riding it hard what I love is that most people it's about if I get this work done then I can have a drink nope with him it's the opposite yeah he got wild yeah he got wild to the core where there was nothing left but just Savage chemicals flowing through the brilliant core of his mind and then he just sat in front of that typewriter and let it rip for six hours focused it onto the yeah wow I love it wow that's can't do that for long doesn't last and in the end it's ugly pull pull up uh Hunter Thompson on David Letterman it's kind of like life is about finding that line where you are pushing yourself and you are finding your Edge but you're not burning yourself out this is way more than an edge I mean this is It's a suicidal thing and with Hunter he also had it in his head that when the time would come he would take his own life yeah he just he was like this this getting old [ __ ] is not takes the pressure off yeah he was convinced I mean he had told everyone around him that uh when it gets too much I'm just going to end this like I'm not going to I'm not going to slowly drift away when I know there's no hope in sight yeah and for him like they would do operations on him like did a hip operation like you got to stop drinking he's like get the [ __ ] out of here boom hits it that night like right away what is this oh here we go I don't know if this is the right one cuz he's on been on a lot this is from
2012 oh that's perfect 2012 is perfect because that's the end I don't even think he was alive in 20 2012 now when did he kill himself this long longer than two years ago or may this just uploaded in 2012 yeah oh uploaded uploaded uploaded seems pretty recent though no no no no I mean not that recent yeah fairly right it's not it's not old Letterman with a full head of hair yeah how you doing all right by all means make yourself at home yeah he died in 2005 move us away from you know it's been a long time since I've seen you help me refresh my memory doctor your doctor is what what what area what discipline are you a doctor in of we got that last time it was Divinity oh chemotherapy and uh journalism where did you go to to study where did you get your Divinity uh where where was like we've been through this since an old story really yeah where did you go to Yale where you seminary in I I go to the E div school where did you go hunter David I'm not going to discuss these things you rather move on yeah okay you went to B state is that it I went to Ball State Not Bow State Ball State yeah sorry went to Ball State uh how how you been smoking all right yeah well what you're 60 years old now is that is that right yeah it seems weird I thought you were dead too you know I'm going really uh has been so long yeah and is this does mean anything to you turning 60 is it no no I don't I yeah the of us have kind of some dark sense of humor keeping around this one this is actually way better than the one I was thinking of the one I was thinking of now that I remember it is actually Conan he was on Conan and Conan uh went shooting with him that's right they went out to his uh Woody Creek he has this place in Woody Creek with a lot of land and he would just set up things and just [ __ ] blow them away with guns and he had coning out there um blowing out guns with them and I swear you can barely understand them yeah it was just heck good line though I thought you were dead too sharp he is Letterman didn't expect that upper that uppercut yeah he's he was a funny dude me to say well that's not going to happen uh I said all right let's do it we brought a
camera crew here's what happened I think they're ready over on the firing range should we head over that way yeah and and the idea is uh you're going to instruct me and in how to blow things to Hell well now we're going to do art art art what can I get you sir I'll have that huge shotgun over there little little more there about a little that's good you know shot your and loosen us up yeah loosen us up they're drinking booze and shooting things right who i' say that was pretty good that was his character on dun right yeah they used to make fun of him on dunesbury well that's a good example I guess it's it's better as it gets on and he gets more drunk I guess that's probably why Wow couldn't understand him but if you go from that to what he sounded like how articul was when he was younger how clear he was to understand you know like from the uh the documentary Gonzo Life and Times of Hunter S Thompson there's some interviews of him when he was in black and white and you know you got to see what he was like as a young man there's some serious deterior by the time he got to 60 yeah and in perspective Sylvester Salone is 67 or 68 and he's shredded you know talks great still doing action movies you know that just shows you the impact that Hunter put on his body yeah 60 whatever he was there 62 and just well and that he lived so he actually has a strong you know he he he could handle that [ __ ] most people would have died of uh liver disease or yeah kill killed themselves before well 60 is not that old man I mean he would how he was 62 62 when he died that is think about that's 40 something years of pounding substances in your body and probably not exercising ever no no eating [ __ ] Dove bars in a hot tub [ __ ] man fetuccini Alfredo at 8:00 in the morning he was an animal H would you do that if you knew you could come back and you wouldn't be addicted and you wouldn't be dead would you take that lifestyle on for one month no I wouldn't want to feel like that yeah I I'm not a speed guy at all I don't like I like coffee it's good for conversation yeah but I have no desire to try the speeds I think I I just more
in terms just completely being yeah just I don't I couldn't do it yeah I couldn't do it because I would know I know too much about what it's doing in my body yeah like I could do it for a night for a night I could go on a bender you know do you do that I have yeah yeah I've definitely had some nights where I got just destroyed but again no Co there's no Coke involved you know it was mostly Jack Daniels or something like that just few too many shots getting crazy smoking too much weed but the big difference between that and what he was doing was he was doing it all day I mean if I would do it it' be like you you start at 10:00 by 1:00 in the morning you're basically done and then you're like just trying to find somewhere to to eat and sober up but this guy was gunning it all day like that writing books and he went 3 hours before he put solid food in his body yeah yeah yeah and just drinking and doing coke smoking dun Hills I mean I have too much I have too much carbs in the afternoon I need a nap at 4:00 I think part of me like I quit drinking a long time ago part of it was like I just didn't want to deal with the hangover energy awful it's the worst feelings a waste of time you just feel like such a [ __ ] idiot like I just sacrificed several days it's almost like like say if you had a job that really sucked and you worked for like a week saved up all your money and then you went to the casino and you blew it in 5 seconds like you [ __ ] idiot all the time you wasted it seems almost similar when you're hung over because it's like what what did I have fun for an hour and then the last two hours were a fog and then I threw up and then I went to sleep and then I woke up and I feel like death for 2 days yeah what that can't be worth it well I can remember being young enough where you I'd hook up with a one night stand shitfaced get it done never had a problem getting it done always closed good for you good for you and then waking up in the morning still drunk and then going for the morning sex and feeling good about it because then after there's no hangover after the morning sex there just like a light buzz but that's it you know 21 yeah 2021 you're a different thing you're a battery you're a full battery just you're free you can't believe no one's telling you what to do you can't
believe for the first time in your life no one is telling you when you have to go to bed when you have to be home like you're a man you're a free man for the first time those years are a buck wild those years from whenever you get out of the house whenever you're paying your own bills whenever you have a like you like I guess I'm an adult now I have a job and an apartment whoa and you're deciding when you go to bed yeah in a way you feel like an adult and in a way you feel like a little child because that little child gets to play and explore the night like you know all of a sudden at 4:30 in the morning you're not like now if I'm up at 4:30 in the morning I'm like how the [ __ ] do I get to bed as soon as possible then you're like what else what else can we stumble on is there a door I can knock on is there possibly a booty call I can make right now yeah who's got Coke how do you keep this thing rolling and then it's like you you're mortgaged your house and then on top of the mortgage like when the coke comes into the picture it's like now you're just taking out loans from from shylock's now now you're going to [ __ ] to the worst loone sharks and you're like listen listen listen one week I'll pay you back I'm paying it all back that's how you feel when you do the coke yeah the coke is the one that I I ducked ducked it my whole life I love Coke you love it too much man you would start talking so much You' do 20 podcasts at the same time that's what my friend Jimmy told me like when we were in high school they were he was they were all doing it at this uh party and uh Jimmy goes don't do it you'd like it too much I go okay that's all I need to hear anytime a guy who likes to do Coke tells you not to do Coke and he didn't like to do Coke but he had a cousin that liked to do Coke it's it's just I I saw too many kids too many kids that were just they would just be engrossed in it it's all they wanted I saw kids you know we did all the drugs but Coke was too expensive so we did it but it was kind of a luxury and we were more like a lot of my friends were doing angel dust cuz that was cheap and uh a lot of mesculin you ever take masculine never took it that's kind of a it's I think it's a form of acid right no masculine is a form of peyote oh it is yeah yeah it's very like colorful you
see a lot of colors and you laugh a lot yeah um that's uh that's [ __ ] I never got a hold of never got a hold those all like when that was going around like mask that was all going around like post High School like just after high school when I was in my super healthy phase yeah all throughout like like from high school to like you know 21 22 there was very little drinking very little partying very very little like the occasional joint would come out if I had a couple of beers but it was so rare and I always felt guilty after I did it that was those are the healthy days I was selling masculine for a little while this guy this guy Andre the blackest blacker than your coffee dude and tough and he was like in and out of juvie homes and so he got me to sell sell it to my friends so I would have a bag cuz like a lot of my friends were into the Grateful Dead and we go to a dead show and I would just sell like 100 hits of mesculin and so uh so then one day I guess I didn't even owe him money like he he would give me a bag and then I'd pay him after I sold it and time wasn't really up yet but I came home one afternoon and I open the front door to my house and I walk in and we lived in a pretty nice house and my mom is sitting with Andre in the living room having tea and she never met him she just he just showed up looking for me and I was like uh oh what the [ __ ] that's uncomfortable that ended my my drug dealing days ended right there yeah you don't want Andre embedded in your life imagine if you come Andre was banging your mom oh cuz he would do that I know Andre and she's on mask I know Andre Andre would do it yeah he lit up her drink he had tea with her dropped a tab in her tea right now the doors are playing Riders on the Storm and you open the door and he's just [ __ ] hammering your mom from behind father yes son I want to kill you into this house we're Bor just and you're like what and I walk in and he turns his head and sees me and gives me a look that makes me have to [ __ ] leave the room mid-stroke doesn't even stop banging my mom wow yeah yeah you don't want to see this I don't want to see that [ __ ] and I'm on MK he Jedi Mind tricked you these are not the droids you're looking
for Andre working every angle think of it's someone like that banging your mom whoa that's dark yeah that would be brutal that's dark seeing his ass you know that prison ass you don't know what it's been through it's probably got stried muscle tissue all throughout it too it looks terrifying right like you think about the amount of force he could generate with that ass oh my God yeah strong thighs cuz he's walking around selling drugs he's out on the street exactly constant motion lot of cardio and now he's got the back of his his thighs ripping and driving you know that drive you get from the inside of your thighs when you're really [ __ ] he's doing that to her oh good lord oh good is this airing is this actually no no no we'll thr we'll edit that part out do you know when Riders on the Storm he does one track singing and there's another track he's whispering really it's really haunting yeah play it it's like uh at the same time we get pulled off of YouTube if we play it won't we oh and you never know why like whatever let's just do itally okay well let's see I never knew why it was so haunting and then you hear that and it's like [ __ ] they did cool [ __ ] back in the 60s when they were coming at we multitrack recording they were doing all kinds of cool [ __ ] you know the Beatles backtracking stuff a lot of that was Phil Spectre that crazy the wall of sound if you don't know the Phil Spectre story Phil Spectre was known for pulling guns on people that was his thing we'd always pull guns on people and uh he got back to his house he picked up some woman I think at the House of Blues I think she was like a waitress or something got her back to his house put a gun in her mouth and pulled a trigger and blew her [ __ ] brains out and went through this big trial because of it yeah and in the trial he would wear like different wigs every day he was bald and so he' wear these crazy like 1960s wigs like the most ridiculous wigs ever like during his trial yeah I remember that pull up pull up some photos of Phil spectre's wig here's the the door's whisper track this is just the track with the whisper in the [Music] percussion he was a sexy dude [ __ ] yeah sure and certain not
coolers on the stor wow Riders on the stor you do this house for [Music] more into this world with th like a dog without a bone actor out on L writers on the star [Music] there's a killer on the Rock his brain is squirming like a dog W take a long holiday let your children play that's haunting if you this R sweet family will die kill her on the road kill her on the condos this is Phil this is Phil Spectre when he was in court in court for murder and he's wearing that wig that's not a Photoshop either that was a real wig and he would wear different ones like some days they would be different like he had a couple different wigs see if you find the other one I got so confused cuz that trial happened I think around the same time as uh wow Ellen degenerous on trial it's Martina navat OFA with Ellen [Music] degenerous don't ask me how the [ __ ] I pulled Martina navat you said troll in the middle of never troll over wasn't she like one of the first lesbians like the first out Les came out during the AIDS thing and uh that was like the ' 80s right yeah I guess you know 84 ' 85 she had balls did you tough chick no tennis balls yeah she's she's a badass but she did this is what he really oh that's gruesome yeah looks like the guy that killed uh Patrick wet's face and ghost Patrick uh no you know who you know who that was who was that that was uh the comic who died of a black guy in New York Charlie Bernett no other black guy in New York who died of AIDS um who else died of he not black Hispanic oh who the [ __ ] was that he died of AIDS I remember because I started dating his girlfriend about six months later oh that dude yeah no he also died he died too yeah how did he die I don't know something with his face probably but Phil Spectre didn't die that [ __ ] he's in jail they nailed him they nailed him down I guess when he would bang checks he would like to put guns in their mouth and [ __ ] could see that and he wound up shooting her yeah by acent think it
might have been that or it might have been just he murdered her I don't know well if you think about it if you had no value on human life and everyone's trying to go for the big the biggest orgasm you can get whether it's doing coke grabbing your own balls Cocker ring but think about blowing somebody's head off as you came that would be huge that would probably be if you were like a total psychopath that would probably be the the end all be like coming and taking at the same time putting human life into her as you take it out of her and then imagining that your loads actually got her pregnant and that that kid would be born to a body that just died would be conceived to a body that just died right when the loads get to the egg the loads crack open the egg and they're like sorry boys the factory has been shut down there's a she's dead what but we just got here he just came inside her the eggs are here everything's let's do it let's do it her spirit goes into his dick hole it's like the opposite of an abortion she dies baby lives the baby gets conceived like the first days of life that that is the right that's the number one debate when it comes to abortion it's not whether or not women should have to keep the baby and get pregnant the real debate is when is it actually a person because I don't think it's a person with it's two cells I you know I think if this is a you see two cells there and those two cells could grow to become a person I feel like if you snuff those two cells right now there and then you're good I don't feel like you killed somebody but if it gets to be like six months and it's inside the the woman's body and could live outside of her womb is that a baby when what at what year or at what month rather what day Jonathan Jonathan Katz used to say I think Life Begins after the second cup of coffee I think it's I think it's right out of the gate right out of the box like conception right into the box like as soon as that thing turn as soon as that thing combines the egg and the that's life that's it I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to kill it I'm just saying it is light don't kid yourself like don't s don't [ __ ] soft sell it if you're going to get an abortion you got an abortion if you took the morning
after pill you aborted a life you have the right to do it and I support that but don't pretend it wasn't high stakes what you just did that's so important to say and so taboo like what you're doing right now is so like you that can be demonized you can be thought of as insensitive people can get angry and you at you they've people have concocted certain politically acceptable phrases for certain things and abortion you know for abortion the number one issue is always a woman's right to choose but a woman's right to choose exactly what are you doing like what are you doing I'm down for you having the right to do whatever you want with your body I don't think that anybody especially anybody that can't have a life in their body like a man we can't even understand what that is it's too it's too far outside the it's impossible for us it's it's only like Fiction it's only like when we when we try to pretend to understand to put ourselves in the the mind of a woman that's pregnant we're just making things up we have no point of reference whatsoever it's a whole dimension it's a different dimension so I don't think it's our I don't think it's any of our business but as far as that as far as like whether or not a woman should be able to end this life form inside of her body but why do we have this desire to pretend that it's something other than a person like I got in this argument with this dude on Twitter this comic seems to be a funny guy but he kept calling me right-wing and saying that I was uh saying right-wing talking points and I said listen I'm 100% in support of a woman's right to choose you're you're hearing me wrong here but what I'm saying is it was because Dawkins had compared a um a a a fetus inside a body that you know that it was like I think he had compared it to like a baby pig I forget what the uh that I forget no more of a human than a baby pig is yeah you know I guess he's talking in scientific terms how like a very very young fetus like whatever age it is when you decide it's a fetus and he was saying that I was like that's ridiculous that's it's such a ridiculous point and it [ __ ] up the whole argument because obviously that baby pig can't become a person but that fetus is going to be a person everybody [ __ ] knows it so stop playing this
game this is a stupid game and then this comic starts going at me for like this UK guy Frankie Bole seems like a nice guy seems like a funny guy you know but he was saying that I was saying all these right-wing talking points that I'm and I'm like I'm not right-wing by any stretch of the imagination but what is it that's not a seed man it's not a seed okay a seed has to be planted to become life that fucker's planted that's a sapling it's a person it's going to be a person if you keep eating food and you don't take too much heroin that's going going to be a [ __ ] person and and we all think about what our lives are the miracle of you know not knowing how the universe works and you know there's theories and there's paradigms and there's scientific data and we've got we're getting a broad sense of what what the what the actual material end of it is but the magic of the sperm and egg becoming something like that's it don't that that is when life begins and you know we don't know why we don't know if there's a god making it happen or if it really is like a million monkeys typing Shakespeare but it happened and it's life well I'm I'm offended whenever anyone tries to lump any discussion of any subject into one of those categories where you can't question it or one of those categories where it's not open to discussion that there is a certain acceptable uh opinion on it that you're supposed to have as an intelligent person as a progressive you're supposed to have one opinion and if you question it at all deviate outside of that one opinion at all you are a piece of [ __ ] right you're bad person you know you you're you're outside of what we're all trying to push we have an agenda to push if you talk outside of that agenda I mean for a comic to think like that to me is particularly offensive CU like you're not we're not being honest about what it actually is and also it's it's just putting issues into black and white terms instead of knowing it's like you know I C I can not support the war and I can still support the troops can I have that [ __ ] distinction or is it one or the other wants thought right it's like people now saying I support the state of Israel I don't support the government of Israel right now and what they're doing you can do both you don't have to be [ __ ] you know a Zionist or an
anti-zionist and it's the same thing with this it's like you know abortion being something that is in the hands of women exclusively is a [ __ ] weird situation because ultimately the man is involved so can we at least have an opinion about it well you know even if you have an opinion about it I mean I'm not calling for an opinion that I should have any opinion as to whether or not a woman should do it I I remove myself from that I should have no opinion this is what I think this is my my belief I can't I don't think I can stop you from doing something to your body at a certain point in time when is it immoral though is it immoral when it's 9 months old if is it immoral if you have an abortion the day before your kid was going to be born that's that's a real question and to pretend that's not a real question I think is preposterous I mean it's preposterous it doesn't doesn't make any sense like how can you not discuss this you don't want this discussed because this is not in the framework of what you think is like Progressive liberal thought that that becomes a problem no I've been doing this bit where I asked the women in the audience do you support a woman's right to choose and then they almost all clap and then I say and how many of you have had abortions and nobody ever [ __ ] claps and I was like you know that's a right that's under attack and if you are ashamed to say that you do it you're going to lose that [ __ ] right like I'm like I'm ashamed that I masturbate but you outlaw it I'm walking down Main Street my dick out like hell no so I I mean I think that that's the thing about that about abortion is if you shroud it in shame which the Republicans do and which women are owning and absorbing they they shouldn't internalize it they should say no I have I've had abortions I don't think it's any of our business I don't think I think the thing about asking someone if they've had an abortion is like you know it's you're you're asking a very intimate question question to someone where it's probably an opinion or a decision that they had to make where maybe it wasn't a happy time you know maybe it's a dark moment so you're asking them to tell you some person that they've never met that they have this dark memory that they have this thing in their life that they're
not happy with like just because everybody has an opinion or just because you know someone has an abortion rather it doesn't mean that the way they look at that abortion is a happy thing or relief or something that you know they would do again it might have been a mistake but it's been framed as a political issue and so they will that personal thing that they don't want to talk about if they never talk about it they're not going to be able to do that person about talking about it it's about admitting it in public in front of a bunch of strangers at a comedy club where everyone's drinking and what percentage of the population are absolutely [ __ ] it's asking way too much asking a lot it's asking way too much I just am I am very curious in that moment I know and once you know once I just want to see woman start clapping in the middle you know I had a great one I was I I don't remember where I was I don't remember what what how the subject got to this but some woman in the audience yelled out something about anal sex you know about either not liking it or liking it I don't remember but I remember something like I go that is very rare that someone would yell out you know about anal sex you would want to keep that like probably pretty private that could be potentially embarrassing like like I'll give you an example like how many women here like taking it in the ass and and I thought and a couple actually clapped and yelled and I was thinking any girl who would clap and yell when that question comes up how many women like taking in the ass like that's a girl who really likes taking in the ass I mean she's completely comfortable with it when she's like look I'm the girl I'm that one if you're looking for that one out of 100 that asked for it here she is right you know if you don't know what you like how are you going to be happy in life and then you got to put that message out that [ __ ] is not filling itself you need to you need to be a hawker you got to Hawk your own [ __ ] you got to let everybody know you are that special person that rare person that some guys you're afraid to even try it with your wife you know you could go 20 years and then all a sudden maybe on
your 50th Anniversary you try to stick in her ass and she's like thank you finally yeah she was always almost bringing it up but pulled back out of embarrassment he if he wanted it he would have tried it I'm not going to tell him I want to [ __ ] in the ass glattus tell him you wanted in the ass we've been together for 20 years I just don't think Harvey would like that I don't think he'd respect me meanwhile she goes to Harvey's [ __ ] laptop and it's all bookmarks teen and ass DP in ass ass to mouth all his book screen saers just looks like a spider a [ __ ] closeup of a dirty [ __ ] outside sock one of those like expanded those those butt socks someone just has an exploded [ __ ] which by the way never saw until I saw the internet never knew that that was a thing is it like a post anal sex thing you just get swen things stuffed in your ass till your ass comes out like a like an unrolling thick wool sock juk clam it's horrible no that was just that was a different thing Jesus Christ it's unbelievable what people do to their butth holes these days yeah it's it's the new frontier it's the new frontier I talked to a friend of mine who got divorced and he's a he's a comedian and he's got you know he's got enough celebrity where he can and he said Greg they all want it the ass now he goes it's [ __ ] crazy he's like I was never into ass sex and now it's like it's just what you do wow yeah those kids today they're nuts absolutely nuts you ever see guys stuff is nuts in there yes yeah how did he know he lik that how did he figure that out I think people just get bored they just get bored and they just do whatever they can do you know they just after you do a certain amount of porn I mean I would imagine if you've done porn for like 10 years just the thought of just having regular sex is probably so boring to you yeah you know that's when they want to like put on flippers and [ __ ] and [ __ ] snorkel and [ __ ] in the tub and they want to just do ridiculous [ __ ] yeah they want to put pin wheels on their nipples and you know put a bullet you know one of those Target signs on their [ __ ] and have the guy run across their because they're artists you know everybody no matter what you do for a living you should feel like there's a
level at which you can do it as an artist and I think there are porn stars that really want to like badana I think they really want to actually do something that in that that's creative for them maybe it's possible pregnant porn come on yeah pregnant porn and probably many things up her ass while pregnant many yeah she she won best double anal wants no she wants single an twice oh I got confused yeah I was thinking man that's probably one of the toughest jobs for people to Forget You from like say like if you were the host of like American band stand you know and you were on TV for a long time doing American band stand you know you could quit and millions of people saw you on American Bandstand and within a decade nobody really holded against you that you were on American band they they don't won't Define You by that job but if you're a chick that's been involved in multiple gang bangs with these huge dicks and just [ __ ] Lube all over you and guys making you gag and your mascara's running like that almost never leaves you all right like for a woman it almost never leaves it Tracy Lord might be the only one that got close to escaping yep she got close she got mainstream movies and and she turned out to be pretty intelligent so she would go on shows she did music too I think I think yeah I think she was like producing music Debbie Harry I believe did porn what Kim Kardashian from the no from from Blondie from Blondie really I'm not positive but I believe she did porn or was a or was a hooker well the sex tape thing is the the most amazing loophole like that you could just say I didn't know how that got out there and then remember they were doing that for a while oh yeah I mean like especially like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton that was like Pam Anderson was the first one yeah but she was famous Oh you mean getting famous that way oh yeah right I mean her and Tommy Lee was in goddamn mle crew right you know he probably leaked it just to show everybody's giant dick it was really big it was really it really like I don't care who you are as a guy you see that video you feel really bad about yourself not really I'll tell you why cuz it's kind of skinny doesn't have a lot of girth to it okay it's not like a
like there's certain dudes like uh Lexington Steel is that his name the porn guy he's got a dick that just doesn't even look like it could be real like the bar has been raised so high like everybody like wants to go with John Holmes all the time especially guys in our our age bracket they always going to go the guy's got a dick like John Holmes let me tell you something John Holmes barely has a big dick compared to some of these dudes I mean his dick is big but that's like average big do you think there's anything they do to make them bigger is there like steroids something Evolution it's justn stars are evolving just like the football players are evolving right right yeah they're giant dick dudes now yeah and silicone they be black what and they inject silicone do they do that is that true wait a minute do you know this for a fact you do pull up a link 100% we've already talked about go go get some links injecting silicone in your dick I don't think that's a common practice son it makes your dick all lumpy and [ __ ] no it's it's actually used a lot more than you would think what how do you know how many dicks you inspected kids got a new business talked about this a lot so well that means it's real as long as you talked about it uh man spend six years injecting silicone in his penis well of course there's instances I'm just wondering if the porn stars do it yeah I don't think that's what's going on dude those dudes just have giant dicks I swear to God but that's not what's going on these guys have big dicks it's not making your dick look like their dick it's just not they have giant dicks if they do something to it maybe but these dudes even when they're limp they have these giant [ __ ] dicks my unless you can find a link yeah yeah there's tons of them I just can't really show you them well just article or something they I could show you by BL putting your logo up so no one can see it except us okay I'd like to see i' like to see CSI do a [ __ ] search this is a porn site though dude this is a porn site this is guys sucking guys dicks on a porn site that's not show proof that they're shooting dude if it was something that they did all the time you could find a Google result of it yeah porn like porn stars inject silicone into dicks to make
them larger find that and then come to us you know had a really big dick who dick dy I bet he did Dick D it was remember he used to do [ __ ] 15 minutes on how big his dick was I wake up in the morning there's goats on it that's right and he was this he was this guy who was he had to be in his 60s when he was doing pull that up pull that up so we can read it what does it say silicone penis pumping parties yeah are a thing and they're no good okay I got to read this on my laptop I can read it silicone illegal penis ping parties are becoming increasingly popular illegal imagine being the cop to bust regulated oh you have to have a license for a [ __ ] silicone penis pumping party put your hands behind your back I'm applying for a license for silicone penis pumping party pumping parties involve one person injecting non-surgical silicone into another person's body uh usually the silicone comes from items found in your local hardware store like flick a f a flat or Tire polish and they inject it well you better really enjoy that night they Ed pumping party oh women in the past have used pumping parties to enhance the sizes of their butts but lately more and more men have been doing it to their penises oh my god oh I've heard about women getting getting you know they go to like Spanish Harlem and they go to like a storefront upstairs and they inject [ __ ] and and then it petrifies and they've got these oh my God hard lips all right I me show you an actual guy that has silicone in his dick from a porn video got to censor it for the home people but okay they're saying it doesn't work if there was a legitimate method for pen lengthening Johnson and Johnson or fizer would have bought it up and made billions and billions of dollars worldwide the fact that they don't means it doesn't exist look at so what they're saying though is this is not that's saline bro you got the wrong wrong substance that guy has saline in his balls that's a common thing that they do too yeah we get think we get the video right it's just salt waterer um so what they're saying is that people are idiots and that they get together and they shoot in their dicks but these are the type of people that they're nuts I mean there's people that cut themselves and put horns in their head and this is not like something's
porn stars do to make their dicks bigger uh what's his face they're saying also that doesn't work your friend uh the porn star guy that that that did rear that did rear Factor uh Stephen s c he's the one that also talked about it we've talked about it many times on different podcast before supposedly it is a thing in the industry that people pump their dick up with like this [ __ ] I can't imagine that it would work though it doesn't make any sense sense that it would make it look I'm telling you if you see Lexington Steel's dick and I'm not saying go look for it but you will and if you do you're going to go that ain't fake that is not a big fake siliconed up weirdo dick like a fake lip that's a dude with a giant dick right and he's only one of many like the Johnny Holmes my point was that the Johnny Holmes reference that we had when we were kids that's no longer the The Benchmark these guys have way bigger dicks than John Holmes if John Holmes was in one of those gang bangs with those guys he would look like a guy with a big dick that's it they all have big dicks yeah guys have giant dicks some of these guys you can't believe that they can own a dick that big like what do they do with it when they're not using it they laugh here all day laughing at the [ __ ] the goodness that the world has given them here's an article on your Tango it's an interview with a male porn start and one of the things he says sometimes dudes can't get it up which is a problem on a porn set no surprise there but but apparently you could build up tolerance to injection erectional enhancers like viagara the solution inject your dick yes with a needle with more an intense liquid medication that works in instantly and leaves your undid [ __ ] filled with needle holes yeah but you're talking about the wrong stuff this is stuff that's been around forever they've been doing that forever I think it's they there's in the old days they used to do it I believe with testosterone like someone said they inject testosterone right into the base of their dick and their dick would go so go in the penis and just start doing push-ups on its own you don't even have to move oh my God inject and Dick I would use Pillsbury uh dough in mine and then jerk off and have a Quant come
out are you cooking it in there what kind of [ __ ] how hot does your dick get you know that's a thing that people do like why do I have a yeast infection again specifically there's a thing that people do where they drive for long trips and they'll put food on their grill or on the engine block like wrap it in aluminum foil put it on the engine block and cook it as they're driving and then pull over and and eat the food that's genius yeah and it works like you can take like a tilapia Little slice of butter some garlic salt put that [ __ ] up in there fold it nice put it on your engine block and then the other one you roll up some asparagus put that also in the aluminum foil and then drive a couple of hours pull over and have a nice dinner I wonder how long it would take to you need a cookbook somebody should come up with a cookbook for cooking times and what part of the engine to put it on dep if you have a V6 cooking time is only 12 minutes right if you got a Prius it's 4 and a half hours it doesn't get hot if you have a [ __ ] old Mustang get it off in 5 minutes hit the gas once and eat those like like a old like a GT 350 those [ __ ] things got so hot those old cars got so hot well I had this I had this Volkswagen Rabbit back when I was going from New York to Boston pretty much every week wow I had a Volkswagen Rabbit and it it the they used to have the starter right next to the engine block and so it would get heated up and if I stopped like at the Mass Pike you know rest area it wouldn't start again because it was so [ __ ] hot the start it was just like incapacitated and I have to wait like 40 minutes to start the car again so I would just leave the car running in the rest areas whoa that's a [ __ ] I used to have a uh one of the things I loved about having a manual transmission is I didn't need the starter that I could uh pop clut yeah that was a big thing man I wonder if I could do that with a new car does that work on new cars too is probably all kinds of safety things I wonder if it works on new cars I should try it on uh it is a huge upside of having a standard oh it was giant I'd loved it because my car ran out of batteries before I forgot the lights I left the lights on and all I did was get
that I did it backwards once oh yeah yeah yeah I don't know how the [ __ ] I did it was a [ __ ] backward into reverse or backwards into reverse backwards into reverse but it works great in first first is where it really works all your cars standard that you have now no no I have an M3 that's not a standard that's my my commuter car now I'm trying to think if I did do it backwards or if I roll down a hill backwards and then turned around in the intersection and pulled it out I did it so many [ __ ] times I don't remember but I had this Audi Fox it was such a piece of [ __ ] oh those were pieces of [ __ ] such a piece of [ __ ] but I love that car that car is a special car for me special car in my memory yeah cuz that was like my Independence car that was the first car that I got when I like moved out of my parents house and the first car that I got that was a small car that I could drive around in and had a cool kind of European thing going on too front-wheel drive manual transmission but it was such a hunk as [ __ ] it died all the time I was always popping the clutch on that [ __ ] I think it was a Volkswagen at some point and then it switched sides cuz Audi and Volkswagen were like the same company really yeah I thought I thought cter had a Volkswagen Fox maybe his was an Audi Fox but I had I had that was it that's my baby oh yeah that's nice man that's that looks like a uh uh I didn't have that year and I had a copper one it was copper colored and I think I want to know if it was a twodo or a four-door remember I think it was a four-door was this your first car no it was my first like independent car it was like when I was independent when I was wasn't living with my parents anymore I had this car I think I bought it from one of my mom's friends or something too I can't even remember how the [ __ ] I got it but it was like one of those cars where I was like let me just drive this piece of [ __ ] around for a while because I had been really into cars since I've like I first got my license I was loved American muscle cars that's what I loved I loved like old chevels and barracudas and Challengers and those kind of cars I just loved them man I just other cars to me were just Transportation like I got it yeah I know that you want to get a a VW because that was exactly what I had
it was a twood door that's exactly what I had it was like a copper color though like a little darker but um but that was the first car that I had I was like this is just going to get me where I want to go like this is just what Freedom that is when you're inside that car and you realize like I'm in a capsule and it's [ __ ] mine and it takes me where I want to go that's powerful yeah when you're young and it's the first time you get to just go wherever you want cuz you've been taking buses and walking I'll walk to your house see you in an hour now it's like I'll see you in 2 minutes and then we'll go by beer and sit behind a [ __ ] bleach what is that it's a same car no I think oh wait no that looks like a hatchback that's not the same car at allc Sprint yeah it's a totally different company different name well no the worst research did you just Google car no I just did the model and for some reason that just got mixed in with your cars oh I don't know why cars that suck that you won't don't want in 2014 and how did how did you afford the car did you work for it yeah yeah I don't remember um cuz I don't remember what year it was but at TH during those days it's probably a mix of construction work work and probably delivering newspapers still then yeah I was delivering newspapers even before I had the the Audi I started newspapers like right out of high school I did it for like four years I might have even done it while in high school for a while it was just the greatest gig ever did you throw them out the passenger door yes and the driver's door and it depended on where I was driving would you ever stop and get out because you made a bad throw yes I stopped got out if I made a bad throw and there were certain houses that they demanded that you put it inside inside their door oh which is really annoying did they tip you those people um some of them were some of them I didn't mind it if they were old folks and they just didn't want to get up and walk all the way down the steps I did it for like there was this old lady that was super sweet and I always did it for her and she even asked for it no she's a little too old couple years I missed her by a couple years she probably want it in the ass never had it they didn't do it in the ass in the ' 80s bro it was
think about it that [ __ ] is as tight as her vagina was when she was 17 it's just waiting just waiting it's not kemped it's definitely not kept up well definitely flavored smoked and you know with that arthritis that arthritis she's not getting a good wipe going back there either barely one finger in the groove no one had anything but toilet paper back then and even in porn girls had hairy [ __ ] back then remember that in porn there was just it was a jungle they just left it alone there was no trimming no and then one Brave gal shaved the whole cter and then from then on out turnning back now it's weird if you see it have you even been well I guess not but have you like lately if you see it it's kind of like what the [ __ ] no that's that's a thing now that's a thing is is retro uh bushes bushes yeah bushes making a comeback not huge bushes but you know a little bit of jungle yeah a little bit of jungle forry just a little bit of Rainforest Park just a little uh triangle of green in the Town Square just a little something little something make it interesting well people will try to change it up every now and then with everything I mean remember when they they tried to bring bell bottoms back there was a time where dudes were wearing bell bottoms again didn't last long was only a couple of months but people were just trying yeah you know and people accuse me of that with the fanny pack but I tell you this first of all I never stopped wearing a [ __ ] fanny pack ever so you can't tell me that I'm I'm trying to bring it back cuz it never went away is it back always been [ __ ] yeah it's back Matthew MCC was at a baseball game wearing one and he was singing the virtues of the fanny pack I sell out of them on higher prime8.com sell out of them every month they're great I hate having [ __ ] in my Pockets I love the fanny pack fanny packs you want one I got one for you right here right here Jamie get it for him oh I love it it's leather too no my kids laugh at me because I've one but it ripped apart yeah see that's a decent one but the roots one I got the roots one from Dice Roots is the best [ __ ] company great company they make good bags yeah they um they dice came in sweatpants cigarettes fanny pack oh and
so he comes in with this look at that this [ __ ] fanny pack it's a sweet [ __ ] fanny pack two legit pockets in the front elant high quality everything like great mhm excellent latching system and it's really high quality it's the best quality fanny pack I could find so I had my higher primate logo if you look on one of the pockets see the the chimp logo with the light bulb above his head yeah that's the higher primate logo so I had it embossed whatever with pressed whatever it is into the leather is real leather oh [ __ ] yeah yeah those are high quality man but if you wear one of those like it's so convenient when you go to the airport my God because when you go to the airport it's such a [ __ ] to take everything out of your [ __ ] pockets and put it back in chicks don't have to do that they just lay down their purse and they walk to the other side and they're good you know anywhere like cuz I like my glasses they're sitting on the table right now I'll probably forget them that happens to me every [ __ ] day this way I stick them right inside my fanny pack Chow pow your phone slips right in there when it vibrates it vibrates right over your dick reach down touch it pull it out you wait till like four or five rings in then you pull it out I'm you I just but my point is that this isn't like the bell bottom this thing is functional as [ __ ] it's like the most functional way to carry your [ __ ] around ever and the reason why people don't do it is because they're worried that they look bad is it a conversation starter do you find yes most certainly is yeah yes people go right on man I go yeah that's right [ __ ] everybody [ __ ] remember Rosie Greer in the 70s started wearing carrying a purse did he that giant [ __ ] line who's going to say [ __ ] to him nobody exactly you don't need a backpack doesn't need to have two handles yeah right but the real deal is a backpack is better than a purse and you're allowed to wear a backpack like if a guy has a backpack on and you know he run into some friends and one of them happens to be a girl nobody gives you a hard time but if you had a [ __ ] purse on to'd be like what's up [ __ ] what are you doing with that purse holy [ __ ] is that Chanel the [ __ ] is wrong with you you you don't have a woman anywhere near you you're
just walking around with this yeah and if you are a guy and you have a purse you got to carry it like this like out to the side as if it's a head that you just cut off with a [ __ ] sword like it's smelly garbage you're bring it out to the curb yeah I'm carrying this because I'm going to get some [ __ ] at the end of this [ __ ] journey I got this in my hand when I bring it back to her I'm going to [ __ ] the life out of her like that's every second I hold this therez another second I'm inside of her skull with my shaft and plus you could do like some good shoulder exercises just do some handoffs as you walk with the purse cuz a lot of chicks have [ __ ] heavy purses you know you can get a lot of [ __ ] done the bigger the P the bigger the purse the crazier the woman also that's so true right that's so true yeah but those chicks that have like little tiny like clutches those are those are the chicks that could just [ __ ] they'll come over your house [ __ ] you and they all right take care I got to hit the airport that's it those chicks travel light they got a handy wipe in there for the under Carriage otherwise it's just a boarding pass give it a little [ __ ] one of those sanitary things you go to the you know those wipes after eating ribs ribs the things you get it Wood Ranch give a little it looks the same yeah [ __ ] it let it go let it go and get on that plane World Travelers some people do travel like that D marera buys all his underwear and socks everywhere he goes throws him out yeah throws him out that sounds like an effort though to find a place that sells really just pulls in somewhere when he gets there gets some socks what is he renting a car I don't I know the gig I don't know I mean I bet he does in some places for sure you know but I always Rent A Car do you rent a car when you go places rarely rely I go to the hotel and I just haul up and get the press for a few days I know you keep telling me I got to bring some of around the way we do it man we do it so different now with Uber you don't need a tan car really that's true yeah but then you got some crazy dude driving around that's probably barely been [ __ ] profiled right they barely checked that guy out yeah right and he you know all
gas you run out of gas Dow junor with a purse it's probably it's probably his wife's purse or he's Robert Downey [ __ ] junor and he's got a billion dollars doesn't give a [ __ ] but the but the purse hanging around the arm seems like a pain in the ass that seems like you're stuck with your arm like that the whole time it's a good exercise it's good for the arm muscles right put a kettle bell on the other one on it put a kettle bell in it I have a a bowling ball um case that I carry with me when I go on the road I bring a kettle bell in it I throw like a throw a 50b kettle bell in that [ __ ] check it shut up yeah seriously it's on a roller and everything so you can do kettle bells when you get to the hotel otherwise where you going to get a kettle bell wow it's hard hard to get a kettle bell have you ever tried one of the water ones where you just pump up with water those are not strong enough for this one you got to look you to feed that that needs to be fed this is you can't this water is not going to you need something much larger than water water's not heavy enough you need metal there you go son look at that Brian's working out yeah it's good fist was shaking a little bit it's some hotels have great gyms when a hotel is a great gym it's a godsend cuz you don't have to go anywhere it's right there in the building when they have great 24-hour gyms that's amazing oh can you do that you do the midnight workout oh I love it no [ __ ] after shows I love an after show weightlifting session wow yeah you go for a while yeah you know why I do it cuz I don't want to do it cuz after shows I want to just do nothing so every now and then I like to exercise that part of me that doesn't want to do something huh yeah I think it's important to do yeah I just worked in Tampa and they had a gym around the corner that was like you know triathlon like what are the people that drag tire tire [ __ ] GI they had giant tractor tires you could push and chains you could pull it was wild there was like no [ __ ] machines at all none of my machines were there isn't it funny that all that stuff used to be called work right that was what people used to do you had to pick up chains if you worked in a [ __ ] Shipyard climb a ladder yeah if you worked in a factory that
made tires you had to flip tires you had to move them I mean now everybody's like you know oh I'm getting that CrossFit work out and I'm hitting a tire with a Sledgehammer why don't you do some honest work that that all you're wasting all that Sledgehammer movement you could be breaking rocks in the pen right there's crates you stack crates over in the corner and then you restack them in the other corner you remember that was what we always saw in in Penitentiary movies dudes would break rocks yeah remember that yep was that is that real that's still they still do that they break rocks [ __ ] yeah I would think the last thing you would want is a bunch of inmates with insane cardio that have been breaking rocks all day cuz if you have a [ __ ] sled hedgehammer and you're swinging that [ __ ] all day breaking rocks my God are you going to get in insane shape you're backing and if you punch somebody George farming used to do that he used to chop wood that was like one of his exercises my neighbor does that every night it sucks it's annoying he just has wood and he just sits there and chops wood all night long and it's it's loud but he has this humongous thing that he just like it doesn't split cuz it's just this humongous like so he does it just for fun working out huh yeah my uh my doctor digs holes in his yard I go I go what do you do for exercise cuz he does he does he's a black belt in martial arts too one some kind of martial art but um I go do you do that anymore he go like d it's too much strain on my body cuz he's in his 60s I go so what do you do for workouts goes I dig holes in my yard I go out in the yard and I just do road I just do yard work start digging holes yeah I go do you want to dig these holes is they a purpose for me goes sometimes and sometimes it's just to dig a hole bodies you know no he's a nice guy but he said that that's like a great way of uh it's a great like that's a manual labor that's like really robust for the body cuz you're digging into that dirt you're forcing it in with your legs you're digging it up you're hoisting it up and then boom and then there's like heels if you look at the motion of like digging a hole he's like all that it's like an excellent workout yeah it's like you're
forcing you're using your legs you're using your arms you're using your shoulders and your back you're digging you're bending down you're picking it up it's all these muscles are engaged also when it's an activity then you will push yourself further than if you were just lifting a dead weight there's no creativity there's no beginning middle and end to it but when you're shoveling or even if you're busting up Stones there's like I'm going to bust this [ __ ] Stone up but I would think busting up Stones would [ __ ] your face up and your body up you get hit with shrapnel and [ __ ] you probably get cut ears are just deaf by the end of the day God you'd have to have some [ __ ] in your ears and you know that you know the handle's getting splinters on it they're not giving you good good hammers they're probably give you gloves don't you think they give you gloves maybe maybe but but I got news for you even with gloves you're going to get blisters yeah you you swinging a hammer all day a sledgehammer breaking rocks and you're doing it five days a week or whatever they make those guys work see they need to combine um the gym with actual industry like what if you really did need rocks broken up bring them to Gold's Gym dump them out back have people come out and cross Trin by Slam by hitting the the Rocks yeah hook up all the cardio machines to a generator so you getting the electricity out of it turn the gym into a working energy and production machine do you know how much cardio you would have to do to generate any energy like even enough energy to like power a phone while you're jogging would be very difficult you couldn't even keep the lights going in the gym yeah I mean May no no no no no no with the with the music playing and the TV's on and all the fluoresence on good [ __ ] luck solar you could do it with solar but the amount of force that you would have to do like on an elliptical machine just to keep your iPhone running I don't know if you could do it wow I really think your iPhone would require at least as much as you were doing if you were like really [ __ ] hoofing it unless they made a super efficient system but I don't know man I don't know I I just I I would think that if that was the case there would be all sorts of mechanical workarounds for electricity
mhm you know I think that would be something that someone would have thought of a long time ago if you could like imagine if you could get your days worth of electricity all by doing a 20 minutes session on your elliptical machine every day so every day not only did you force yourself to get a good exercise in to start your day but when you bank it like that it stores electricity and it Powers your entire house for the day air conditioning that would be badass and eventually we get to the point where we all have like where they get ions small enough where everyone's got a battery pack you've got a fanny pack that's got a battery in it and you got to work out in the morning to charge that [ __ ] and then when you go to work your computer plugs in there it's just got a giant plug w and then you fill it yourself if you don't have enough juice at the end of the day you don't [ __ ] work on your computer yeah well you would you would need that energy it's like in a way that's kind of what people used to have to do when they were chopping wood it's like you had to go out and chop that [ __ ] wood up otherwise you didn't have wood to burn like there's this show that I watch sometimes um friends no I don't watch that Frasier that's my favorite no it's not um I didn't know Fraser thing never got it never understood it I'd watch it for 5 minutes and go okay yeah it's classic classic sitcom formula get one character who's exactly the same as the other character and then just watch the conflict arise and then it's well it's Frasier's one of the weird sitcoms where people don't talk about it yeah like that was a big goddamn sitcom for a long 12 years or some [ __ ] nobody talks about here's another one ready for a ton of emm [ __ ] that dude here's another one ready for this John larette show how long was that on remember exactly exactly a long time right you don't hear about it Lenny Clark was on it Lenny Clark was on the set um right down the like like one Sound Stage over when I was on news radio it was uh news radio was on one side Joey Lawrence was uh next to us and Joey Lawrence would sit in his car and he would open his doors up of his car it's some crazy car you know he's super rich and he would crank his sound system with his songs planing and he would sit
there yes and like [ __ ] rock out to his SS but [ __ ] kid was like 18 right the kid was 18 and he had a Ferrari or something ridiculous big Mercedes I mean he had a ton of cars I mean he was unbelievably wealthy and he would play his music and Dave Foley took great Amusement in this Dave Foley loved it he was like the Lawrence boy is out there playing his music again he would come in he goes He seems to quite like his his own songs like would go out there he wave to him I mean there he is nothing my love can't fix he was Bieber before Bieber Jack all his clothes are way too big it was beautiful look at that hair man I didn't have hair like that when I had hair when I had all my hair like I had lost a piece of hair I didn't have hair like that but he was uh he would play this in his in his thing right next to it so right next to him was Greg Geraldo J Greg geraldo's show was uh was or I might be [ __ ] up the timeline here I think Geraldo might have been first season Joey Lawrence might have been second season but Geraldo show was on there as well and then right over here was the John larette show with Lenny Clark and we're all in the same feed so we could watch them rehearse W so we could watch like and I would watch their rehearsal and larette was such a dick he would yell at all the other actors [ __ ] oh my God he was a dick I used to watch him yell at Lenny and Lenny is a big [ __ ] guy and Lenny is a guy who's been in a lot of fights he's done his share of below and he will punch you in your [ __ ] face but he didn't because he was on this show with this guy and he's likeis I tell him John [ __ ] relax you're on TV why are you so [ __ ] stressed you know like yeah but I would watch him like yell at the cast or throw his [ __ ] script and get all pissed off and you know that and that happens on sets it just just people get all [ __ ] tense they work together all the time and so much stress involved and sometimes people blow off at each other but well and you're getting paid so much money that you start to internalize that what you're doing is actually that important like the money really shouldn't be that high for what you're
doing no and so you start to feel like you really should be giving more and it should be better and it's still a sitcom it's not supposed to be any better well it's also it was the John larette show so it's his show had his name on he was on what was it night court before that this is after night court right yep yep how many seasons did that go Brian I would say only three cuz I barely remember don't say only three Google it all right then a decade I bet it went to syndication I would guarantee it did at least four and night Cy had the kind of gig where he just showed up nailed a couple scenes went home yeah for 10 years yeah um but it's one of those shows that was on TV when when news radio was on it was like a Big Show and no one talks about it it's weird right how many seasons four it went from 93 to 96 yep so Four Seasons yeah probably did 100 episodes yep I think that's what they did and then they got out banged out 25 a year well I think isn't the magic number 100 that's when they can Syndicate that's why news radio never really got to 100 that was like our joke is that that we never we never quite made it you didn't get to 100 no we got to 98 oh that's hilarious yeah but it's syndicated anyway right so like they didn't need 100 to Syndicate but it was an inside joke with us that like yeah that's us [ __ ] never quite made it news radio dollar short became famous after it was off the air that's when it really became famous I mean it it became famous when Phil died you know but before Phil died uh it wasn't like a hit show cuz we moved around nine times that's a real number nine times over 5 years and this is pre- internet that's right I remember that you guys were all over the place where it was did you get any bad ones like Friday night we got terrible ones I don't remember where it was I remember was there was Monday for a while and it was Tuesday and I think Sunday but we never got Thursday Thursday was like the big night we were on Thursday once we were like number two and it was like friends and then us and we were like oh my God this could happen every week but it never happened again yeah all right it's it with the the sign the the sign um or the um time slot that you're in is so important time slots everything and
like there was a lot of shows that would be like friends Seinfeld and that show would be in the middle you know and they would call it the [ __ ] Sandwich Spot that's what Paul Sims used to call it because it's like these amazing shows and then in between these amazing shows would be like Sex in the City different world Jonathan uh Silverman had that show the single guy single guy and those shows would be unwatchable but they would be sanded between genius shows and so everybody would watch them so everybody wanted those slots well I think they launched Third Rock in that spot too didn't they I don't know I don't remember I think they might have launched it there and then take cuz that's their goal is that's the that's where that's where they plant the seed they let it grow and then they transplant it hopefully to a Tuesday or Wednesday where that becomes an anchor for other shows and they can do that now way better because people can alert people that the time slots changed but back then no one knew what the [ __ ] was going on unless you had TV gu you know you didn't know when the time slot was so we' move slots also you're taking advantage of the the the lead in you know they're just going to Thursday night was musty TV people put it on at 8:00 and they turned it off at 10:00 yeah and it was a tradition for some strange reason like a Thursday night tradition mostly because there was great shows like Seinfeld I think cheers was a Thursday night show too originally right so it's always been like traditionally their spot there's a great book Warren Littlefield wrote called Top of the Rock that's the history of thur night musty TV he talks about just I mean you realize how random things happen like the casting of friends could have gone eight different ways literally you know how it is people test for a show so you've got three or four actors going in for a role in one day and the fact that they picked Jennifer Aniston the fact that they picked you know they nailed that cast it was exact I mean I was never into the show I never got it but it is apparently a very perfect balanced you know ensemble cast yo they nailed it they nailed the casting there's no no mistakes but the book tells you about how many ways things could have blown over contract guess what the reality is
if they did it differently it probably still would have worked they would have found some other talented people it's not a matter of those are the only gems they could have find there's so many goddamn talented people that never get a chance that's the craziest thing about acting is that you don't have like there's no recourse like if they don't choose you tough [ __ ] there's nothing else it's like a comic you're undeniable you go up at The Improv destroy then someone who's got a sitcom deal goes on after and sucks their own dick there's nothing anybody could say it's like you can't deny that Greg Simmons is funny you just saw it it's over he proved it but if you're an actor good luck good [ __ ] luck that's why they're so factious that's why there's so like there there's so much fakeness in the way they behave it's why there's so much anxiety in the actor Community like their entire gig is dependent upon someone else's approval yeah when you meet sitcom actors they're so positive and they so try to make a connection with you and be your friend and you always walk away going wow that's a really good guy and then you realize that [ __ ] he's working it he's working it they have to work it if they don't work it if there's any hint whatsoever that you might be difficult they will move on to step two yeah who's the other guy bring them in and the other guy comes in give it to him you know it happens and casting and once you make it then they trust you I mean you look at the people you know you look at Kelsey gramar or Julie Lise dfus like some people they just go put him back in yeah they can't fail it's just the the writing's bad yeah yeah there's I you know Ray Romano was the original guy on my gig new radio yeah and they they fired him during the taping of the pilot they're like this guy just doesn't connect with America he leaves and goes off to do a giant way more successful sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond like in the title not only you wrong in firing him but in the title it says Everybody Loves Raymond like you don't you didn't think that people liked him no you're so wrong he was so good he literally walked away from the job how often does that happen where they go we're only going to do 10 and I think they talked him into 11 and
then they walked away like still with really strong ratings you mean Seasons I think they did 10 and then they bought another one wow he did 11 seasons think so check it out you know how much money is involved in owning your own show and being on 11 and a show that by the way is still in the air like that's unlike Frasier or these other shows you flip through the channels you'll find Everybody Loves Raymond on all the time it's it's still a really good show does he own it does he have some ownership he has ownership yeah without a doubt you can't have Raymond show and yeah but he was like I remember I had a development deal the same year he did when it was the Raymond deal and his was minuscule I remember almost thinking like oh that's so [ __ ] weird that guy's so funny and like I know it was like a it was like a September development deal was like the end of the season and he kind of crawled in and he he'd been doing Letterman so it was a deal with Worldwide pants and then they put him together with Phil Rosenthal and it struggled the show St no I don't think he had enough juice to get ownership eventually I'm sure he did yeah yeah eventually I'm sure they renegotiated it yeah I know he's insanely wealthy nine Seasons nine Seasons nine Seasons well when I was uh you know I'm good friends with Kevin James and when I was on news radio it was right when like Ray and I didn't have any tension cuz there was actually a guy in between us that got hired to do his gig and then that guy got fired and then I got it so it wasn't like like I was taking over Ray spot but uh and Ray and I always been friends and so we were uh eating at Jerry's Deli and it was right when he got it and I never seen a guy more obsessed with getting things right like we're all sitting there eating dinner or lunch or whatever the [ __ ] we're eating and Ray would be like um what if a guy he comes in and he's like he's going through all of his bits like going through the thing like he was OB stand bits no no no the bits like that were going to happen on a sitcom oh like he was going through the Beats like is it better do you know he's like had all these ideas and he was just throwing them around like they they couldn't stay in his head like he was so obsessed with getting it right that it was like all
day every day it was on his mind you know I was working catcher rising star in Princeton with uh Tom cabano Tom Paris he changed his name to who's like his wingman basic biano right c biano yeah isn't that how you say it yeah he's like a photographer and he was a writer on Ray but anyway he came down and Ry was Tom was opening for me and Ry was taking the train from New York to Princeton to keep working on the pilot with Tom wow yeah wow yeah he works hard man he works hard well he's obsessive fny yeah funny funny funny I just play golf at this club that he belongs to when they told me like Ray yeah little obsessive out here yeah with yeah yeah well Kevin too him and Kevin are [ __ ] maniacs with golf Kevin plays golf good yeah I just saw last night um his brother he hurt his shoulder playing golf did he Gary did Gary Valentine yeah just going crazy he hit a shot out of the rough it was thick rough and he I guess the club got caught and he ripped his [ __ ] shoulder apart that can happen huh yeah would imagine you know if you hit something really hard and all a sudden it stops right right shoulder's a tough one man shoulder has a it's a weird joint like unlike a knee like a knee they can pretty good because knees it's it's fairly simple cuz it only hinges you know it goes up and down but a shoulder has all this articulation and movement you and you have to apply pressure in 360° at any given time you're pushing up back forward I had shoulder surgery couple years ago did you well all the ligaments had worn out and you know where where the clavicle comes together with the there's three bones that come together right here and so they went in and they they sawed they went in two spots arthroscopically they saw down each of the three bones a little bit and it creates space and then it causes um uh tissue what do you call Scar Tissue which acts like a ligament and now my arm [ __ ] 100% wow I couldn't even lift it it was just I wore it out just from did you tear it no it was a life life of throwing objects and being a being a boy throwing things is a big one man shoulder surgery for football players that that like quarterbacks and also for baseball players that's super common man yeah there's something about throwing that's just a lot of stress on
the body yeah the good thing about boxing and uh those kind of workouts is especially if you hit a bag you're hitting something so even though there's like resistance at the end of it you're hitting something so it it's not like the the snap of like like missing things and throwing things when you throw things there's just like extens extending and you're starting behind yourself boxing your hands are in front of you so you've got your B body weight behind everything doing yeah and when you hit something like the workout like if anybody wants a great workout get a goddamn bag get a heavy bag if You' got a garage or a basement or something you can hang it or or some place that has a bag that you could work out at man and just [ __ ] set your phone down and time yourself for 3 minutes and just go hammer that [ __ ] even if you have [ __ ] technique just keep hitting it hit that [ __ ] for 3 minutes you You' be amazed at how exhausted you are and then how good you feel after it feel so peaceful I know and also you can do it if you're m married just hit your wife no CG Craig you ruin the I mean you need to marry a heavy girl you don't if she's she's like a buck 10 she's it's one punch your workouts over yeah you want like a 150 with a good chin good stout chin make some strong babies and some anger issu so she pushes back um this weekend I got to drive a Dodge Challenger Hellcat that is going to be your next car really you told me that you wanted to get you going wanted to get a challenger yeah you're lucky didn't get the old Challengers cuz they're kind of [ __ ] boxes but they've nailed it now oh my God oh my God fun car oh nothing just 707 horsepower is that the biggest production engine out there the most powerful muscle car ever built whoa exactly women will never understand this Greg I I knew that you were going to be here today so I I was happy while I was driving it that I'm going to get to talk to Greg about this what did it feel like this is what this is J driving it looks pretty good cut cut to way towards the end of this video that was the beginning of it cut to way towards the end when he's driving it cuz for the first like 20 minutes they just talk it's pretty cool did you punch it coming out of a turn yeah what the wheels do we beat the [ __ ] out of this
thing sh sorry Dodge SRT only in good ways we just stomped on the gas a lot it was just really fun man new performance package for for it's unbelievable automatic that one is but they sell in a stick too you can buy it in a stick you want a stick that visibility looks better too my problem with the Challenger was always the visibility it's kind of funky out of the passenger side when you're looking back that right corner is a little funky but whatever how much does it start at it's not that much it's like for $60,000 and I'm telling you which is a lot of money but for that car for $77 horsepower and the biggest production engine out there and you're getting it for less than it's so comfortable that's what's [ __ ] up like these cars like they figured out how to make the suspensions and the seats and everything where it's so it's like a Cadillac I swear to god dude you'll blown away I didn't even put it like there's modes you could put it in you could put it in like track mode I didn't put it on track but look how awesome that thing looks play that sound so you can hear it when he's doing that because it sounds so [ __ ] good package for for Dodge hellcat's the code name of the engine right this is not even doing it justice cuz he's inside of it with the camera we like the name so much and it was so fitting for the car right right little bounce on the back end dude it's so smooth when you drive it it's so comfortable cuz it's huge it's 4,000 lb it's not like a little car it's like a Mustang hybrid how dare this is designed to ruin the Earth okay you're supposed to take part in ruining the Earth with a smile on your face and a [ __ ] glass of shivas Regal in your hand smoking a Dunhill stomping on the gas and you can see the tsunami behind you as you outrun it knowing you caused it a whoa who's that dude this is what it sounds like that's wind noise that's wind noise Jesus Christ wow dude listen to these things before you crank them to the roof that's just the wind that's when that's cuz they put a a camera on the outside car yeah the wind noise is awful on those [ __ ] things but the sound that it actually makes there's one video where it says a Hellcat Challenger sound where it's just the exhaust it's so it's it literally raises your testosterone
yeah I had this guy in Gad sod he's a uh what is his he's some super intelligent sophisticated PhD type character I forget what his degree is in but he was talking about that's me on it such a fun picture looking sexy as [ __ ] wow love it that has been photoshopped on the Underground on mix martial arts.com to the point of no return possible I can't imagine what they would do to it foot out every possible gay scenario that is beautiful it's a beautiful car car looks good uh my point is find that uh Challenger sound it's just the sound actually raises your testosterone like literally raises your testosterone which incredible my brother-in-law had he bought two kind of junked up Dodge Chen 73 Dodge Challengers and he just he's a he's a a motohead he put him together and made this beautiful [ __ ] car it's a growl like a it's like a lion sounds so good dude that's an that's an American car that you can buy and I'm telling you the the when you're driving it you're like this is so nice like the inside of it is like comfortable it's be it's got like all alantara which is like that artificial suede everywhere it feels good the dash is great it's a [ __ ] incredible car I'm it's so I'm I'm so happy that they finally started making like real American Muscle Cars again cuz for the longest time they tried for a while and they were just like you guys are [ __ ] missing it and then like 5 years ago they just went back to the original plans that's all we wanted big engine lots of power lots of sound and even the body shape they went back to the original Ah that's only one there's one with Eddie Bravo behind me and he's smacking me in the head it's hilarious oh it's so funny oh that's great I love those things me too [ __ ] photoshops are so back in the day man people would get really upset if other people made fun of him like that but I don't I don't get that I think it's funny like people get mad like do they hate you they mad at you like no they're not mad at you they're making fun like you can't be made fun of does it change you as a person like you don't think that's funny Kimbo Slice banging me over the side of a car that's hilarious yeah I just had uh you know French Stewart no he was from Third Rock From the Sun he was the
kid he squinted I never saw that show anyway he was he was heavily uh parodied he was telling me about like when he was at his top like SNL was parting him Jimmy Fallon like uh South Park John Lithgow show right yeah the Inception kid and uh and South Park would regularly ream him for being a horrible actor and all that and he's like and he's like honestly I [ __ ] loved it he go it really made me feel like I had made it that's funny yeah yeah um American Dad nailed me once no [ __ ] when I was on Fear Factor yeah I pulled up like drinking a beer in a car and I was looking for strippers I'm pulled up in a car drinking and then uh I I met South McFarland and I did his other show I did um um Cleveland Show No the the the the the American Dad no the other one family guy I did Family Guy I did I played me on Family Guy like did my own voice on Family Guy once but it was funny he's a nice guy man Seth McFarland's a very friendly like Smiley guy you know who's cool as [ __ ] Jud appow Jud appow was at the impr the other night he's just hanging out with us like everybody else it was me and him and deah and um and and um Jeff Jim Jeff we were hanging out over by the the hallway by where the bathroom is cuz there's no [ __ ] Green Room in the Hollywood improv which is the most ridicul thing ever like deah was like like there's no green room like nobody thinks about the fact there's no green room I was like yeah if we were in Pittsburgh we'd be like [ __ ] this place yeah this but because it's in town we'll just accept the fact there's nowhere to stand in between shows but Jud Abel just hanging out with everybody else yeah he came on my podcast one time and then I I went on about six months ago and I talked about how I thought girls was a really bad show and I didn't realize that he created it and and the truth is I'd only seen like five minutes of it but but I just saw like all saw was hipsters and I was like I [ __ ] I hate hipsters and so I just immediately judged the show and talked [ __ ] about it no so then somebody of course tweets out to me and Jud hey Jud how do you feel like Greg fit Simmons saying your show is and he said more that overstated what I said like said it's [ __ ] show and so then Jud replied to him that's a lie Greg Fitz Simmons is a you know a funny
guy and he gets it and he's a friend and he would never say that so then I emailed him like dude I'm so sorry I honestly haven't even seen the show and I didn't know you created it and he gave me like a giant free pass and so I went off and I watched it and honestly not not [ __ ] you I watched the first season and it's actually a really good show so you just I don't like hipsters but I jump the gun I don't like hipsters either but they're great fod they're great fod yeah I mean if if you were going to do a sitcom and you didn't have a hipster in it today you're not thinking straight right a hipster would be like one of the perfect people to [ __ ] with yeah it's like the yuppies of the'80s even better because they take themselves way seriously and part of their stick about being a hipster is you're too cool for everything yeah you you're cool too cool I'm over it I'm so over this I'm so over that you're not allowed to get excited about everything and you have to keep moving on because Is Not a Hipster the ultimate hipster he so crazy Nick YF when he was on the podcast showed no hipster whatsoever he's a normal cool dude who happens to be a comic you need to follow his Twitter because he has like things where he shows you how to wash your jeans and like like with like toothbrushes and [ __ ] that doesn't make him a hipster how does that make him a hipster Marin bought these jeans where you don't ever wash them what yeah I think hipster jeans no there's no jeans where you don't ever wash swear jeans you dirty [ __ ] n this C type they're made of a material that's supposed to like mold to your body so you never wash it the [ __ ] out of here that's so ridiculous it's just someone's fiction no he talks about in his podcast yeah but they the person who created those je that's their fiction yes no it's clothes you [ __ ] dirty [ __ ] if you're getting funky in clothes what the clothes magically have little cleaning robots that run around inside your dick and clean out where you're farting in your [ __ ] pants sh it's Levi though Levi jeans oh no no no see they're saying not to wash your jeans that's what they're saying you don't have to wash them that's what they're saying that you wear it like a jacket now you don't wash your jacket they're saying
you don't have to wash your jeans I sweat okay I sweat all the time your under Carriage get a little steamy every my legs everything my I my my body cools itself well I get [ __ ] done and my jeans get wet and I'm not wearing wet smelly ammonia stinking jeans because my my sweat's gone through them and then it's dried out and it's got this faint whiff of funk [ __ ] that once I fart in a pair of pants they're going in the laundry it's over especially if I have yogurt in the morning Levi says that you should just freeze your jeans instead of washing them oh to kill bacteria they're disgusting they're disgusting do they not understand that we have washing Mach now we're not living in the year [ __ ] 1910 when you had to do that [ __ ] with a rock and a [ __ ] a flat board remember those wash boards the freezer yeah honey why does this turkey taste like someone's balls I do admit I don't wash my jeans as much as regular clothes though I would say I'd say like maybe I'll wear them like 10 times that's a lot but I'm comfortable with wearing them for a weekend I'll wear the same jeans two days in a row no problem like if I go on the road if I don't feel like packing a lot of [ __ ] I'll throw in one pair of jeans a backup pair just in in case a [ __ ] hits a fan cuz my [ __ ] Bridge Troll body doesn't fit in normal jeans I have to get specific jeans fit me yeah I can't wear like like Levi's 501s what's too big your your legs thighs they won't they won't go over past my knees I get above the knee and then it hits the troll part of me have you tried the sweatpant one or the stretchy jeans that look looks too sexy I'm trying too hard yeah because you got to think my ass sticks out a lot and the thighs so my dick will be much more smooshed in there be look like trying to get everybody looking at my dick I want to see I want to see that on the hood of a charer you want see that bet you do I got into the I'm I'm back to the original jeans the [ __ ] lightweight faded loose relaxed 80s jeans I went back to button these are liy lies fit me lies for whatever reason Lucky Jeans they make them no they're loose yeah ly are L yeah more AP L what the [ __ ] I don't know what that means you don't know as long as we
won't that's a terrible [ __ ] photo some people's Photoshop skills are just awful really they're awful everything's out of perspective there's three different people in there they use parts from got to learn how to manipulate images kids that Challenger needs to be your card CRA for Simmons we're not getting any younger yeah get back to that if you're not going to get that get a Camaro they have the new ZL1 and Z28 these two new cars they have standard you get them with a manual just like that that comes with the manual but they sound [ __ ] fantastic and they're Ric Mustang GT that's another good one that's the one I'm going to get when I'm getting that well the new Mustang GT it's like $35,000 and it's [ __ ] 420 horsepower trading that PRI right now the ones that if you got a they don't have the 2015s out yet but if you got a 2014 the 2014 is a [ __ ] great car it's a great car it's loud as [ __ ] and you could probably get a really good deal at them they have 400 plus horsepower they have that Coyote engine it's a it's a [ __ ] 5 GT or is that just a baseline one a GT it's not expensive like as far as like like what you get bang for your buck you can't do any better than Mustang GT it's a goddamn fast car the old cars like in the 1970s like when a challenger came out like the 1970 Challenger 19771 those cars were ridiculous was 440 horsepower no didn't seen anything like that with death defying [ __ ] brakes the brakes were [ __ ] they were awful drum brakes in the rear he stomped on the gas the whole car went sideways no traction control no nothing just a a regular base Mustang GT will bury that car bury it and be able to corner and have anti-lock brakes be able to corner and then they have the other one like the Laguna sea Mustang dude it's a great [ __ ] car the Laguna sea Mustang is like the M they had the 302 boss which is a really good version of the Mustang as well it's like 4 20ish somewhere around horsepower and it's a great handling car and then they took it to the next level with this Laguna sea Mustang it was like 40 Grand 40 Grand it beats an M3 around a [ __ ] RAC track it's incredible wowan it's that's chintzy inside a little bit there's like plastic [ __ ] here and plastic [ __ ] there but seats feel good
sounds great massive balls you know as far as like a car be honest with that what are you driving that car for you're driving that car for the fun of it like that's the fun to hear the rumble of the engine to feel the acceleration when you stop on the gas or shift your your gears have a good time what do you give a [ __ ] what it looks like you know that's not what this car is about no I'm not about the valley parking I'm about the uh the 405 at two in the morning when it's why I'm coming back from the ice house and it's [ __ ] late going up Laurel Canyon on the way to the Improv coming over down the mail road you can have fun pulling up to a red light in Beverly Hills and there's some young Asian boy in the next car and you eyeball him and what's that why do he have to be Asian why does he have to be why he have to be Asian why can't he be a black guy weird that's go weird pull up that lagona sea Mustang I don't think they're making this anymore I think this uh you could probably still find some of them that on lots that they haven't sold yet because new oh that's a ridiculous car I had one of those GT500 convertible looks s the problem with the convertible though is it feels like you could die yeah at any moment there's nothing above your head look at that car that car is I believe somewhere around 420 horsepower and unbelievably FAS around TR that's lagona yeah and it's like 40 Grand and those wheels are standard with it yeah that's what it looks like yeah it's a fun [ __ ] car man I could be a man again but you could be a man again Gregory I remember what it was like I had hair but it's fun you don't need the hair no it's not coming back you don't need the hair shave the rest of it be a light bulb but be a light bulb and a [ __ ] fun car that you enjoy yeah maybe you could take to wearing crazy sunglasses like Elton John did or maybe I wear the wigs like uh Phil Spector Phil Spectre imagine if we started doing that you and I just started wearing wigs at all of our shows and never addressing never address it no jokes about it people ask ask questions you act like there's nothing weird what you're saying just everywhere you go it's like every day it's different not only that sometimes we wear bald caps with hair on the side likeo the
clown Mohawks one day sometimes it's an afro yeah never bring it up tra kind trade them out with each other sometimes it's like Farah facet like Farah facet in the 70s you got like little curls and [ __ ] yeah yeah mullets yeah mullets all kinds of wigs just never work for guys I used to did a chick who had a shaved head she shaved her head a long time ago like early '90s she shaved her head and wore wigs she was from another country she was a singer she was just very eccentric yeah but she uh she would [ __ ] rock a different wig and like sometimes she would like show up at the comedy store and they wouldn't even know it was her you know I was like oh hey this is when I first moved to LA so I didn't really know how wacky people got you know I I hadn't been around that many wacky folks this chick was a you know someone who came to Hollywood with this the sincere purpose of becoming even wackier you know and famous yeah didn't work out but just talented chick but crazy she wore wigs there's the that's Eddie Bravo spanking me I can't tell if he's hitting me in the head or the ass both I think he's getting both the ass in the head CRA crack CRA crack the ug that's the underground um people wore wigs I mean you think you think about like the the borch belt Comics you know like Freddy Roman and these guys they SLA that little glue slap that [ __ ] on head to the gig throw on The Tuxedo put on a nice ass piece and then during the day nothing they're working out baldheaded they didn't work out no no at the Fri some of these guys worked out cuz they had heart attacks and they yeah they had like a they had a stair master I think it had an ashtray on the side of it but you're talking about like late in their life yeah oh yeah yeah well I'm talking about like when they were like touring the cat skills there was no working out but there were wigs there were wigs little glue around the top right around the hairline there imine what a pain in the ass that would be did you see the photos of Mickey roor with a wig no oh my God it's so hilarious Mickey War roor wears a hairpiece now and it's the most ridiculous hairpiece of all time and he was wearing in New York and they got these photos of him it's it's so crazy it's almost like he's like is he being
silly like is he trolling but then you see him when he was on like the Jimmy Kimmel show he had the hairpiece like quaffed and it looked pretty good but it's it's crazy he's like he's like 60 something years old just like shave your [ __ ] head man it would be funny like to do a 1 hour special look at this look at his hair oh dear God dear God and looks like a shower cap yeah and this is not even the worst photo there's there's even worse photos of it like dreaded it doesn't make any cuz it's coming out of nowhere it's a wig and it doesn't match the hair that's underneath well it's always the side hair by their ears when you see like little like flimsy side hair by their ear but then the top is this [ __ ] Lush man it doesn't make any sense like I think for my next 1 hour special I'm going to shave my head and get a silly wig and just wear it why not why not how about um like a big red one like a big Carrot Top style what is that is that a different wig that's a different one he's got a I think he's having fun look at the guy in the right hand corner he's jealous like mbon I had that wig that wig is beautiful Mickey let me tell you Mickey God is my witness that wig looks so real that is so realistic no one knows if they tell you they know they're [ __ ] [ __ ] did you go to irvy in the Bronx where did you get that piece my piece I look like there's a skunk asleep on my head but there there's other ones of the gray one that's the brown one he's got a gray one the gray the gray one's the most ridiculous it's like wait a minute what's going on here how did you get all that gray hair like look at it there's that's a good one it's so crazy plus he's had work on his face right his forehead got pumped up maybe it looks better now than it looked in the past quite honestly he used to have chin or cheek implants yeah no when the fighter you really saw it oh yeah yeah his face was kind of [ __ ] up that the the movie with uh when he was a professional wrestler like past his Prime oh the wrestler the wrestler the the fighter was the Marky Mark movie yeah but that uh he actually his face looks at least like a normal older guy now there was one point in time where he had these crazy cheek implants put in his face yeah his whole face was just puffy looked like he got stung by bees
yeah see if you can find those pictures Mickey Roar cheek implants how many people watch this as they're listening to the podcast less way less like it's 90% of them just listen right but a lot of times folks that like will say something like this they'll write it down they go I got and then they'll like text me or tweet me or something later like what the [ __ ] I just saw Mickey Royce hair thanks a lot dick now I can't sleep but the like I hear you guys talking about and I had to look but he um it's like a that's something that happens to a lot of those people that are like they're sort of like separated from rational thinking they get this body dysmorphia thing going on you know that there's been pictures of him like there's like that's post uh face stretching but there's ones like the that one that you just crossed over Brian the one with the red shirt a little lower than that that's yeah right there that looks like he's got the cheek implants in place how good looking he was when he was young he remember that what was it po grch Village that was like nine and a half weeks ago yeah oh man yeah you can't but but like that thing that happens when you pull your face back like that you can't do that like that's not better that's not better that's because everyone knows you did it you look like a burn victim you look weird you're shiny your face all stretched out and it shows that you care way too much it's not getting better it's just getting different it's scre it's like you're screaming I can't handle that I'm getting I'm panicking like there's some [ __ ] that you could do that actually does make you look better like I guess if you have a ridiculous nose and you get that [ __ ] trimmed down you're happy with it good for you but that's a slippery slope man you don't see big noses like you used to very rare nope nobody keeps them vanish for GS a lot of 17th birthday presents when I was in high school girl did it turned changed her [ __ ] look so radically but she kind of overdid it like she had she had this she the poor girl was a beautiful girl with a crazy nose and she got her crazy nose trimmed down and she looked beautiful but the nose had like that ski slope thing going on and that little smashed front there's
a little bit of a flat part in the middle of it they went too hard yeah like they needed to just leave on just like a millimeter more let it be a little bit big a little bit just slightly yeah it matched her face better yeah but it was like obvious that something was going on like if you're looking at her face you couldn't help but notic something went on with her nose yeah and then a lot of times those they those things collapse like they don't do and they have to build them back up when they do that then you can run into complications sometimes they have to use a piece of your cartilage from your rib to recreate the cartilage inside your nose God I wonder how many nose jobs that you could find out there's got to be a number of nose jobs that are performed every year and you could figure out what percentage of the population that's Bruce Jenner before he became a woman though yeah he's different now yeah that's right he grew up my town Bruce Jenner T town long nails now man long manicure there some talk about him being preop that he might go for it yeah it looks like he's going for it yeah if I had a get I mean I don't like to gossip yes I do I don't like to gossip too much about someone that looks like they're troubled but he looks like he's troubled it doesn't look like he's going for a look it looks like something's going on like what's going on he's living with the Kardashians that's obviously terrible for you yeah that's got to be toxic I'd rather live in Chernobyl than live in that house and try to keep my sanity with cameras on so you can't even be [ __ ] to them yeah I think if I lived in Chernobyl I could wear some sort of suit that would protect me there's not a suit that protects you from dopes like if you're in the house with those dummies your skin would look better too if you lived in Chernobyl than his does but not only that the strategy of just constantly seeking attention like there's like okay that's weird wow that's weird there's that's that's not that photoshop no no no that's not just a guy who's kind of out of shape who's older no that's that's weird and there's another one recently where they shows his nails like it shows like he has long nails also no matter how no matter what you started with once you've gotten the third facial
surgery it all ends at Michael Jackson it can he looks like Michael Jackson in that picture well body dysmorphia is real [ __ ] man you know it's real [ __ ] like there's his nails that's not that long though mine's about that long sometimes they not please unless you're a pimp I've seen longer than that yeah either way the guy looks like he's troubled there's a guy you know you think about famous people that are kind of enigmas like he didn't do anything except the 76 Olympics he won the decathlon he is a you know before the Kardashians people in America knew Bruce Jenner the only thing he did was a wedy box and the the cathlon that's crazy that was [ __ ] 40 years ago is crazy yeah that's when you put it that way yeah you're right and then you got people that like John larette he could walk into a [ __ ] mall and nobody would know who the dude was true but the only reason why he's still like the only reason why he's still famous is because of the Kardashians that's a fact but prior to that he was in the National Consciousness people who knew who Bruce was maybe as a maybe as a subject maybe as a name but not as someone you recognize I don't think you would recognize him I think his Resurgence is entirely based on living with all these attention whes yeah that's it's all about that the 70s had those kind of stars you had evil coneval who you know there had never been a stunt man before that's true he was the first he was like you know what Bob Marley is to Ray like he's the only Ray guy anybody ever gave a [ __ ] about or ever will Jimmy Cliff yeah he was in the band though that's true but basically you now you got jackass and all those guys so that that's that's the first time there's been stunt people since um and then you had um you know certain Comics that were famous from the 70s that were just weird like uh what's his name Tiptoe Through the Tiny Tim was famous the shit's still famous people still know who Tiny Tim is that's true but that was Letterman right was it I think so yeah I think being on the Letterman show I think they got married on the Letterman show didn't they like in Vegas him and uh whatever her name was miss miss something wow wow yeah hm yeah interesting man it's it's weird how Fame you can't predict who's going to last with fame um you
know like of the Charlie Angels you didn't know phah was gonna I guess you kind of knew phah was going to be the one yeah but you thought the other ones would be pretty big too yeah Jacqueline Smith I mean all she did was hair shampoo commercials for the rest of her life she was hot as [ __ ] hot as [ __ ] my my kid is watching uh Charlie Angels reruns right now I watched one yesterday try pulling yourself away I could stare at those chicks all [ __ ] day but it's also weird that you're it's kind of like when you watch a show like that it's not just that oh you know Jaclyn Smith's pretty but it's also like this is a time capsule like this is they've captured this stuff that went on in the 1970s and you can watch it again right that's weird man that's a weird feel and their outfits I mean talk about the bootleg jeans they they were wearing the S they encapsulated 7s fashion yeah no [ __ ] man you know like uh denim denim vests in the feathered hair and they probably for in a big part were one of the reasons why it became so popular right why the fashion did yeah you see on those shows I'm sure like I guarantee you the Dukes of Hazard probably influenced a lot of idiots to wear cowboy boots Daisy Dukes definitely sure without a doubt right launched that dude how she might have been the hottest chick ever on TV ever right who Chrissy from from [ __ ] thre company yeah Daisy Duke no how dare you oh I would take Chrissy cuz you're broken cuz your insides are rotting you have to go to a doctor I keep telling you go to a doctor Chrissy's hot but she's not as hot as Daisy dud you know it's pretty hot even though she's she's old she's older so you can't compare them don't you go for an old pick of Catherine Bach you [ __ ] I know what you're going to do but um the chick from Modern Family the the Latino woman ridiculously hot older dude I'll take it yeah she's only 40 I mean but she looks like she's 30 and her tits still look like I don't you can't fake it they have the just it's some cleavage you can push it up but she doesn't push it up where it's straining there's a little bit of Bounce a little bit of Bounce little jiggle but yet there's the there's Pi they're pie shaped they're perfectly round she's stupid hot tan and that accent puts it right over the top she's
stupid hot and there's this element of knowing that this is not going to last like what you are is you're looking at a flower that's been cut and you putting it in the vase and there just like something even extra beautiful about the fact that it's not even attached to the root anymore you got a day to look at it it like this all right this is it tomorrow's going to be wilted the day after that you're going to want to throw it out but right now she's the hunter Thomas of hot yeah yeah Thompson what did I say Thomas Jesus Christ there you go okay you know boths of them are hot yeah but Daisy Duke's dirtier I don't know chriss's bending over like [ __ ] me in the [ __ ] but I'll tell you what like who's done a better job of keeping it together well both of them both failed oh no were you kidding me she did the exercise video she kept it tight kept it tight ja Smith still doing that shampoo commercials that's not Jaclyn Smith though that's that's Daisy Duke that's C God she's um no by the way far's nipples were permanently erect on that show they probably iced them up before every scene I bet they did bet they did because guys would get like pumped up guys would do like push-ups and stuff before scenes to pump up their muscles yeah I guarantee they did that they went for it they went for it yeah yeah that was everything that was what you were selling if you were selling if you selling cars would you leave them dirty or would you polish them you got to polish the car you got to polish the car you're selling cars you're selling tits what are you doing get that ice cube out honey yeah turn the headlights on how we sell they're not watching it for the story nobody's watching it for the story that's a when she died man that was one of those things was like Wow Wow Farah fit's dead that was just hard to wrap my head around because when I was a kid she was it was it everybody had a ferof facet poster on their wall every every girl did and it was that one poster of her like smiling and she had the feathered hair and everything like that like she influenced a whole generation to wear that hair it's got to be the quintessential poster in in America of all time probably one of the most famous posters ever yeah yeah yeah that's it right there look at her unreal
and the nipple you can't see that's not high dep so you can't see the nipple but the nipple is very proudly displayed in that poster yeah many of the photos had the nipple Rock and she was so pretty yeah she was like of the first television bombshell types right uh yeah I mean my favorite was you know what I take it back my favorite was Wonder Woman old Wonder Woman Oh Linda Carter dude Linda Carter is tough to look at now is she yeah not that she looks ug L Carter wase [ __ ] that yeah Linda Carter I mean she doesn't look terrible but she's an older woman now it's just when you remember how beautiful she was when she was a Wonder Woman I wish they would die soon I don't want to see what it ruins it you know what's [ __ ] though man like it's weird when you go back and watch like Batman or any of those uh old school like superheroes no one worked out no one worked out like a belly yeah you look at Katherine Bach there she didn't work out look at her legs it's like all mushy and [ __ ] like everybody was all mushy and sloppy they were good for a couple decades John Wayne oh at that guy beerbelly and [ __ ] sh me with little skinny arms look at that look at that butt look at the Gap look at the vagal Gap the legs the size of her thighs dude her [ __ ] body that is she was an athlete she was an Olympic Athlete I believe oh my God she was hot what a face those eyes let's all agree she's the hottest she is L was the hottest she's the hot oh wait a minute we're forgetting a major Contender who Barbara Eden I Dream of Genie she wins she wins she wins she wins won and she's subservient she'll do what you want she was beautiful she was yeah yeah there's a comic on Long Island that [ __ ] her yeah yeah late in life though right late in life say did she was still hot doesn't matter how old she was but she would like you know [ __ ] find a guy pick him out and go come on let's do this yeah yeah well she knew she could you know she was goddamn Barber eating I know somebody who had sex Farah late in life I should say allegedly all this I know someone who allegedly had no I know some who definitely had sex with late in life real late hospital bed like actually I say a Wonder Woman I don't think I like this girl as much
that's a horrible pose yeah let's find another one let's find another one cuz Wonder Woman you could find a bad one too I'm sure yeah but you found a good one uh you know who also turned me on but she wasn't like few years before she died whoa uh who was not bombshell hot but stole my heart was Valerie Burton alley one day time I can't talk to you anymore really yeah you become a different person to me now no [ __ ] I don't trust your judgment just like that I mean cuz you did a moment ago no now I'm like Greg's drunk something look at that back come she married Eddie Van Halen how bad could she be there that's a little tiny amount of back fight is like ew e she's not perfect e she's no wonder woman she didn't even work out man they didn't work out back then there got to be a better picture of her but Wonder Woman I'm sure had a little bit of I don't mind a little bit of body fat I think it's hot yeah I like women to have like a little softness to them I love Kim Kardashian I mean I don't like her person or soul but I love that body type yeah her body's fantastic yeah whether her ass is fat or real or real fat whatever it is it's ridiculous yeah like if you don't get excited about that your dick's not working right now you're you're you're a closeted homosexual if that's not working for you oh your dick's just sad his dick doesn't want full pleasure your dick's like no I just want a skinny girl Cuts me with her hips like like a guy who buys a Prius when he wants a Mustang get a Mustang or get this challenger no if I'm going to do it it's going to be the Mustang cuz cuz I I had a fetish for Mustangs as a kid I still do I think and the fact that it's the 40th anniversary is kind of 50th Anniversary that's pretty cool well the new one's going to have independent rear suspension which going to make a big difference in the way it handles that's the 2015s M yeah they'll be out pretty soon I think they're out in the fall which is you know basically right here God she was so hot who oh she was so hot it's ridiculous yeah Linda Carter might have been the hottest woman of all time she might win she might win yeah oh [ __ ] is hot oh wait a minute what's that who the [ __ ] is that I don't know who is that is that the one from Modern
Family oh God she wins she wins now she wins everybody wins everybody win there's women that are listening to this right now like [ __ ] you yeah well let's talk about we talked about Jim Morrison being hot we talked about Joey Lawrence being hot yeah he was beautiful we did a lot for the ladies on this show especially since we don't feel you know we assume that he's hot you know I mean I I see how you would be attracted to him no no I totally felt your energy when he came on so I understood that he was hot wrers on the star what about Janet Jackson early 90s no like Playboy cover black and white never into that no I always found her to be so likey acial I need a race pick a race well I just I just when someone is like a pop Superstar they're forcing them down throat they never seem sexy to me they always seem like oh here's this crazy person like right what's her name um uh Miley Cyrus yeah it's like oh God they want you to think she's hot now but you know who was Britney Spears was a child star and they forced her on and she was [ __ ] hot yeah but she was hot in a way that like like if I saw a bunch of peacocks and there was a female peacock that was an exceptional specimen I was like wow that's a beautiful peacock like that it's like to me hot I mean I yes physically yeah undeniable shape and all that very beautiful but right no nothing's pulling me towards that everything's pushing me away from that that's Madness it's craziness like that has to be part of the picture it has to be who's the person like can you interact with the person it can't just be the way they look the way they look is great I mean it's important it's it's something it gives you a charge but if you know that their person is all out of whack like you're like oh this just too nut but I want him a little out of whack the thing that attracted me as a as an insecure guy when I was single was a woman I got I saw the in I saw the dad dad left or you know she's got she's got like a unibrow you find I would find that one thing and I'd be like I got a shot that would make me so much more attracted if a girl was perfect I felt nothing and it wasn't even that I didn't think I could get her it just made me feel like too much well also somebody who's a little [ __ ] up they're going
to you're going to [ __ ] connect with them there's going to be a charge between you because you both need something bad to complete yourself that's a good point yeah I definitely felt that way like girls had like really good relationships with their family like oh I know girls like uh you know they want you to go hang out with their parents weekend like uh yeah not really no especially if you couldn't relate I want a girl who needs help finding her father that Nicki Minaj's new video you see that this is the one that [ __ ] Jamie keeps going on and on about he won't stop talking talking about it it's so much butt yeah and it's like there's Parts where she's fingering herself in in the video what a good kid I love that my kids see this [ __ ] she's who her ass is ridiculous yeah they're all ass everybody's got ass if you look at if you look at Miley Cyrus's Twitter Avatar that she's she put her own version of her album cover on it and it looks like she has a great ass too but that's an illusion they photosho the [ __ ] out of that that girl weighs 18 lbs she's a little stick figure she's very boylik with her body like when that thing came out in the Video Music Awards and she danced around and rubbed up against that guy you can see like she's very like guy likee or skinny she's a skinny girl Nicki she's athletic it's not Supple yes that girl is just a [ __ ] house you look at her and you're like whoa I mean that's just [ __ ] just [ __ ] that's just [ __ ] she's backed up like a camel all the loads of shot in or yeah plumped it up just she's all sex sex cocked with [ __ ] yeah like some girls like they have to you know they have to do something to look sexy when a girl's built like that it's like Jesus and then on top of that she's doing all the sexy [ __ ] sticking her ass up in the air Jennifer Lopez was like that in her prime isn't it amazing though when we're talking about like John Wayne and you know Batman and all that [ __ ] the difference between how the women are portrayed the difference between how singers are portrayed the the music videos the photographs all that stuff and then go back and think about like Carly Simon yeah there was none of that Carol King and Janice Joplin I mean Janice Joplin wasn't the
most attractive woman in the world but she was funny man she like didn't like women like there was an interview with Janice Joplin is that her Miley Cyrus this Miley Cyrus's version of this listen man that that's photosh that's not her ass yeah that [ __ ] ain't real I think that's like is real no Nicki Minaj is real but that's not real no that's obviously the same as yeah it's exactly the same it's a Photoshop yeah look exactly see the crease on the top of the thigh is exactly the same the top left thigh don't never go to that other one again this is like a cartoon you show me a cartoon what were we talking about we're talking about her ass about how for some women they almost it's like they've extracted the the blueprint in the DNA of men of what makes us orgasm and they have just projected it on a body what no what saying was that you never saw this from artists in like the 70s you never saw this from women that were like super attractive like you know like Linda ronad you know s beautiful beautiful woman you know when she was young and in her prime you never saw her in underwear well even Nikki uh um Fleetwood Mack oh Stevie ni she was big she was always like a little she was like the chick from heart think she was big didn't she get big I think she got big but no when they were in their PR she was Angelic but she was wearing flowing [ __ ] she was never showing her body well was a woman from heart big in the beginning or did she get big she an Wilson she started small and then she got bigger there's an and Nancy Wilson one of them married um uh the famous director the guy who did um Dazed and Confused who's that I don't remember that that's the the the blonde one who's always the blond one yeah yeah but she uh an Wilson could sing her [ __ ] ass no Carney Wilson was a different one that was Wilson Phillips that was a different animal totally different animal she got big too she looked like a Carney yeah it was like Carney had like her sister was like super skinny and she was like really big and it was like baffling didn't she do like a talk show for a while mhm well I think she was wasn't she the daughter of the masas and the Papas yes can't be a good time no can't be a good gu growing up in that [ __ ] crazy household no
but um that [ __ ] an Wilson from heart yeah what a voice she lost all that weight good for her that's what happened right she lost all the weight and then she did a talk show or something like that yeah is that Nancy or an that's the big one that's carne Carney oh that's Carney okay yeah good for her did she have to get like a stomach thing yeah I think so that's a it's a weird thing man you know um I was talking to a friend who had that done she had it done like uh 20 years ago and she was saying that um it's not just that like that does make you lose weight she goes but to keep it off like you got to go to counseling like whatever it is that made you overeat like that you got to address that you got to get on top of that know I know a guy who's been drinking hard his whole life he just went to get a shot to stop drinking it's like you know that may make you averse to alcohol your body's going to go find something else you got to deal with why you're drinking a shot to stop drinking yeah I didn't even know that had that what does it do to you I didn't all I know is he said he was going to his appointment to get it famous uh famous guy like peppermint snots I should start saying these famous names should start or should yeah I should start saying all these names unless they but you would you want anybody saying your story in this case no probably right I'm the opposite of a name dropper that's a sad thing man that's a sad thing that [ __ ] monster that eats at your soul that you can't let go that's killing you and the longer you do it the harder it gets because the more you think that it's really part of you you know and quitting something I can tell you firsthand it's the most freeing empowering thing in the world because you think this thing that was sapping your energy that you believe is built in your foundation you get freed of it and you all of a sudden like you take a giant chunk of low self-esteem and you just Lop it off yeah I've met a m a bunch of dudes that used to be junkies and now are like Super Hyper athletes like a lot of lot of competitive guys like in the UFC even there's a few guys in the UFC that were junkies and then they became like Matt Brown one of the top welterweight contenders part of his whole story is he died he had an overdose and [ __ ] died
and came back from it you know they revived him and now he's a monster wow just destroys people he's like one of the top guys in the world Alice Cooper's like a pro golfer now is he really he plays that good yeah wow he doesn't live in Arizona Arizona plays at the builtmore hotel in Phoenix there's a famous course there he plays that's hilarious what does he do with his time just plays golf I did a benefit there with uh with uh um Gary Valentine and uh he came out and he played schools out for summer and 18 all his hit songs with the full makeup on the whole thing this for for a charity for like 200 people did it full on gave 100% wow and then hung out and talked to people afterwards and then played in the golf tournament all weekend took off his makeup though yeah he's uh he's like a conservative isn't he yes isn't that interesting well you could I don't think you could live in that part of the world if you weren't you can't yeah Scottdale like that Phoenix goer that's hardcore cocaine and conservatism Sheriff Joe yeah that's Joe yeah that's like fear of Mexicans and then cocaine all mixed up together and sunscreen so you get the cocaine from the Mexican and then you get afraid of them and then you get sunscreen just [ __ ] seeping those chemicals in through your skin in some sort of a weird way then you take a Xanax then you lay by the pool whack those [ __ ] balls around the grass that should not be there by the way especially place that has a massive drought right right massive no [ __ ] water and you're talking about a three square mile piece of real estate so that a 100 people can entertain themselves for 4 hours yeah when people go like why does a golf course cost $250 million a year run it does like I mean not that much but like if you get a membership in a prime Country Club like you have to pay like $100,000 $200,000 for some of those places they don't want in any Riff Raff they want to make sure you got some money and what they do is it's a right the reason they can afford it is because they call it undeveloped Parkland and so the environmental standards call for them in every city and so they're able to get a full write off because they call it basically like Wildland yep meanwhile seeping fertilizer and
chemicals into the groundwater every day I can't believe that's how they call it undeveloped Parkland right it's just white people Paradise that's all it is yeah and when they buy these big memberships they yeah there's like a bond and and yeah they're like half million Donald Trump's got courses where I bet you it's like a million dollar it's a bond but you're splitting ownership of the club with the other maybe 200 members so maybe it's not a million half a million wow but then you can sell that Bond when you leave and it could be worth more money that's hilarious but it keeps the club from ever being sold because think about it Riviera Country Club in [ __ ] Brentwood do you know how much money you would make in condos if you put condos on that land and instead you got a hundred white guys playing golf there one day how do the math on that yeah no [ __ ] right there's this one place that I was in the History Channel office was talking to them about a show and I was looking out the window at this country club so it must be Beverly Hills is there a Beverly Hills Country Club yeah I don't know there's a there's a there's like two on the west side that are Primo it's the most ridiculous thing ever cuz you're looking at hundreds of acres in the prime of Beverly Hills when you're looking out this window and you're like how much is that worth like that spot right out there might be worth billions yeah it might be worth a couple billion dollars you think about it one green is you know 5,000 square feet that's enough to put a house you know what the land on the the land with a tear down house in Beverly Hills is $1.5 million yeah times that by a green there's maybe that amount of space there for 20 of those on a hole that's 20 million a hole a hole times 18 holes that's like a half a billion dollars oh my God and it's right there it's right there and it's using up insane amounts of water there was a uh I think it was a vice article what I don't know who put it up but it was about like if we really are taking this drought seriously we need to ban golf courses like everyone's saying don't wash a car [ __ ] you how about golf courses like let's look at what a golf course is like the what you're talking about is insane you're
using up more there was some [ __ ] statistic like they I I'll pull it up um uh ban golf call courses I bet it comes up they there's some statistic about what the amount of just in California alone California and Florida are like the number one spots for golf courses in Arizona Arizona is right there too but uh it's it's in incred well China has a golf course ban I saw a an article about how many of those courses because they overexpanded when when Tiger Woods came along golf got so big they were building courses everywhere and then he got caught with the Waffle House waitress it all went away and there are hundreds of courses around the country and they just showed photos weeds chest High weeds growing all over the entire course they're just abandoned wow this is the it is a vice article and it said instead of killing Lawns we should be banning golf because they're telling people not to water their lawn yeah it's Vice yeah this is what they're saying this is this is the statistics cuz it's it's pretty [ __ ] crazy the average golf course uses 312 thousand gallons of water how often a day doesn't say hold on family of four okay the average American family of four uses oh per day ready for this yeah per day the average American family of four uses 400 gallons of water a day the average golf course uses 3 312,000 gallons of water a day D okay so each Golf Course uses as much water as 780 families of four and Palm Springs immedi adjacent to a place called the Palm Desert that NPR reported that each of the city's 57 courses uses about a million gallons a day a million gallons a day again you go back to the numbers of people that are actually using it yeah it's insane it's it's minute so it's the same amount of water as 2,500 families of four every one in Palm Springs because Palm Springs is not a spring it's a [ __ ] desert it's got to get the water from the California or from the Colorado River we steal it from them and that's the reason why that whole salt and sea exists you know the saltan sea which is this gigantic Inland Sea that is in um the the areas near the Palm Desert why is it a sea well that's what's crazy it was a sea because they flooded the area with the Colorado River back in like the 50s or some [ __ ] like that a long time ago and there's a bunch
of great documentaries on the salt and sea because it's totally polluted now it's polluted with Farm runoff and it became like super salty and people still pull fish out of it and eat it and people still live there but it was at one point in time they used to call it the Inland Riviera like it was beautiful yeah like pull up the salt and sea the Inland Riviera like there some videos on where did you say Nevada no no it's it's California oh dude it's it's a huge Inland Sea it's enormous wow and if you saw it you'd be like what the [ __ ] is this all that farm country up there so it's all just draining all coming down to to Palm Springs and it's so [ __ ] up that there's beaches on the salt and sea that are all bones it's not sand it's fish bones where they have these die offs these fish die offs of like a million fish will die off I mean this is what it looks like now but look at it this is the salt and sea this is an inland Lake they created that MH it's huge yeah let it play a little bit like this look at this I like the music it's called the salt and sea it's the largest body of water in California and it's not even supposed to be there at the turn of the last century an engineering screw up of Epic Proportions diverted the Colorado River into one of the lowest hottest land basins in the United States it took 2 years to stem the tide and when the flooding finally stopped 350 mil of desert lay underwater everyone assumed the giant Inland Sea they had created by accident would just dry up but when it didn't real estate developers tried to turn an ecological disaster into an opportunity here is truly a miracle in the desert a whole new outlet for the crowded millions and big cities a Palm Springs with water here is I love guys back then he's in a boat and he's got a suit and tie on today the Sal Riviera beside the blue salt and sea is the place for you to take charge of your future you can come as you are no required enjoy life at the [Music] Riviera for a while it really did seem like a miracle tourists flocked to a place that had once been unforgiving desert people bought homes built schools
restaurants yacht clubs but then the sea turned on them over the years its water fed only by agricultural runoff became saltier than the ocean botulism poisoning killed millions of fish and massive die offs during the height of 120° Summers made the air almost unbreathable wow the sea began to flood unpredictably tourists fled boom towns turned into ghost towns millions of dead fish today imag landcape out of Science Fiction unbelievable smell gritted streets every one of them named still waiting for neighborhoods that never arrived wow beaches made not of shell or sand but of the pulverized skeletons of uncountable millions of fish houses half tumbled into toxic looking pits it's apocalyptic where's the Riviera I go there to catch Gres of what the world will look like without us this is what our country is going to look like in 100 years found Craig's going dark on us I just read an article about it today they're predicting in the next hundred years this galactic drought coming well really this drought that's in California is so bad that they're saying that can trigger uh earthquakes and so oh no [ __ ] a drought can trigger earthquak sell cell uh if California's drought weren't scary enough it now it may trigger earthquake scientists believe well the drought is spooky it's been three years last year it rained once no [ __ ] I don't remember it raining more than once I mean it might have drizzled a couple of days we're supposed to have an El Nino coming through this year and now they're saying it's going to be a very light version of it we needed we needed a full El Nino well we need like a year of rain right we need like a Seattle well that last El Nino was like that D were you here out here in like was it 98 no oh I'm sorry no no no no it was like 97 and uh it [ __ ] rained every day for like four months well what scares me is there's spots like Death Valley that's like right there it's it's on the same state right there right what makes Death Valley Death Valley I don't understand
it I'm not I'm not a geoengineer I don't understand the weather patterns but it's the hottest place in the world and it's right there yeah why is it right there and why are we not worried that right there could be right here like if that [ __ ] creeps up north like what keeps it from is it the ocean like I don't understand it is it what what is it that keeps well there's a lot of spots like how about Ontario could that be like [ __ ] Death Valley someday what about Brea it's pretty goddamn far from the ocean can that turn into some horrible was just worried about all your gigs exactly Brea Ontario Improv what about Pasadena so far isn't it possible yeah I mean it seems to me you did you see Chinatown that movie Chinatown with Mickey roor no the original one with Jack Nicholson oh Jack Nicholson yeah I mean it's just basically about how that's exactly it La is a dust dust bowl and it's one one River coming down if you cut it off it all goes away I don't remember that movie where watch except for the fact he got his nose cut I remember that it's that it's the movie that most screenwriters call the greatest script ever wow my house is in that movie your house is in that movie really yeah cool it freaked me out when I watched it oh is in Burbank the old Burbank Burbank was a different animal you ever go to Jerry's dely and Woodland Hills and you see what the valley used to look like back in the day oh yeah they have all these like 1920 photos and [ __ ] it's big photos of like it's all farmland and ranches farms ranches I you know there's a real issue here and in Texas Texas is they're really worried about it in Texas too with drought that there there's been no [ __ ] rain and they don't know what's going to happen like if it continues on this path we literally like there are lakes like not Lake Austin but Lake Travis in Austin that is half the size that it used to be there's some photos of California lakes that show like see if you can find that photos of California lakes that show how bad the drought is just just Google that cuz I'm surprised it's not worse you know we were just up in yosee and we went rafting and there was plenty of [ __ ] water yeah that's a good spot you know if you go to the good spots you're going to be all right but that's why I'm going to go
to Canada um actually September 9th through 11th at the um Alberta I'm plugging my dates well where is it where you going Alberta Edmonton uh what's the name of the club up there look at the photos left and right look at left and right September 9 through 11 that be all the water this is only a three years difference if I remember correctly yeah it is three years difference holy [ __ ] look at you look like look what it looks like now I mean climactic change is supposed to happen over thousands of years not five I don't know about that I don't know if that's necessarily true because there have been some radical climactic changes that have happened throughout history that have happened almost instantaneously there's some uh there was some Discovery Channel show that was talking about uh these various land masses of these various um Contours or weird things that you could see on the ground and that scientist had I'm pulling this out of my memory but scientists had realized that this whole thing had to have occurred like in the course of a small amount of time like over a couple of days yeah that these insane geological features had been created whether it's through soil samples I think it was like soil samples like they tested the soil at the top and the soil at the bottom was all the same age like the carbon dating I think like the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico was a giant tunami that settled on top of the land and slowly just [ __ ] dribbled down for thous thousands of years until what was left is uh is you know this uh what's now very Lush and but it was underground for for all in one [ __ ] day when underwater wow that's [ __ ] nuts but that happens it's just we have such a limited amount of time that we're referring to or that we're referencing when we're looking at climate change we're only looking at a couple of hundred years of accurate reporting yeah you get past then and it's just hearsay and all those things that are in the past that people point to like the stories of climactic change and cataclysmic disasters those were all regional events that happened in some place where someone wrote about it Mount vuia yeah well there's that but there's
also like the Epic of Gilgamesh you want to go way back which is the same essential story in a lot of ways as the Noah's Arc story yeah where there's some giant goddamn flood you know there's some [ __ ] happens in your area a [ __ ] a big chunk of rock from space slams into the ocean near your town and everybody dies everybody Within miles is dead right and then someone writes about that's the thing about the Bible most religions are based on these Cate like the last book of the Bible the Book of Revelations was written at the exact same time that mount vvus happened and when they talk about fire and brimstone that's what the guy was [ __ ] looking at as he wrote it so it got written in as like this is how the world ends it's nuts so the Bible apparently well you know they're all based on it's not how the world ends it's how the world ends there there if you go to Hawaii everybody's fine you know you know what I'm saying it's like everybody reports on how [ __ ] it is where they are but it's supposed to cuz you're not supposed to stay like we get totally married to the idea of one geographic location but if anybody's paying any attention to [ __ ] history what we know about North America is that 10,000 years ago half of it was under a mile high sheet of ice there was no Wisconsin Wisconsin didn't exist you had a cut through the [ __ ] mile of ice to get to Minneapolis I mean you there's no you couldn't get it it wasn't there so like this idea that that could be a place we're going my family Farm's always been here we've been here since we were kids and we're just not moving climate change be gone you know you're talking about like when we were a nomadic civilization and just moved to where the weather was right we that's what people did yeah I mean that's what people have always done and they did it because we didn't have the we have this ridiculous ego now that we can kind of live in any climate we'll fix it dig I got air conditioning we got a water coming in don't worry I'm not worried about the hot you know like we we have this idea that you could be in a totally inhospitable place and you could fix it with technology and we're right for the most part but if that technology fails I had a guy on yesterday Mike Baker who's a guy from the CIA he was a the head of director of operations for
the CIA now he host a show on the Travel Channel he's talking about how easy it is to break the [ __ ] power grid and that's what people should be worried about there's not that much power I mean there's not that not not that much difficulty shutting down a grid and there's only like a couple of grids that control the entire country and if one of those goes down takes a long [ __ ] time to come back up it's happened before you know just in the last couple years have power grids go down and people are out for days yeah and it could be longer if something bad happens to a power grid they could be power grid power grid is the big one because power grid keeps people from being able to live in a place that's hot or cold yeah like once it goes down like then you're off on your own like do you really want oh that's what I wanted to bring up there's something I put up Josh McDermot from The Walking Dead pull this up and he tweeted it to me and it's on my Twitter I retweeted it the craziest [ __ ] story about a guy who lived in Maine okay and when he was 20 years old he disappeared and he went into live into the woods never spoke a word to anyone never never interacted with people said hi once to a guy that he found jogging that's all or hiking and lived off the land stole from people they called him the hermit of uh whatever the [ __ ] he was was did you find it yeah I'm just pull that [ __ ] up so it's like in a small town in Maine he lived in the woods behind it exactly he lived in the woods and stole from people for 20 years 20 plus years it's a crazy St just food batteries food clothes everything he had he had stolen and people from this town he would been a mystery cuz no one knew if he was real or not wow so he had been a guy like they' steal people's candy like there was a guy who remembered that when he was 10 years old someone stole all of his Halloween candy and he couldn't believe it and people would think you're crazy like he would steal your propane tanks and he would return like he would replace them with an empty tank and people would be like what the [ __ ] I had a full propane tank he would steal your grill he had like a grill out there and he lived in a tent and he lived in a tent for 27 years in Maine imagine those [ __ ] Winters he's 47 years old now
wow he hasn't talked to anybody and this is the only interaction that he's ever had with people he's never been sick a day in his life you think he'll do time oh yeah he'll do time but it's all misdemeanor charges yeah but it's a thousand of them they got to prove them all yeah he's got all the stuff it's all he has right right I mean he's going to do time it's how much should give the guy a break he's mentally ill [ __ ] him lock him up you want him out there [ __ ] robbing your house but I love like Bigfoot it's like you there's a rumor that there's a guy that lives in the woods I mean how great is that to be a kid in that town what's incredible that it turned out to be real that's all these people had thought this for so long and everyone was like no that's nuts I think every town should have one guy who hides and steals [ __ ] from you just to keep you honest make sure you're locking your gate at night yeah but this is ridiculous cuz this guy had tools he had break-in tools he would get into people's houses their alarms would go off and he knew like how to get out of there just in time and so when their alarm would go off he would [ __ ] bail I could see that as being not the a story in in a feature film but like the be story yeah yeah like this is the guy that has to come out of his he has to come out of his shell to try to save Humanity because you find something the government's do in the woods no one's believe that guy he's crazy you know he stole my kids Halloween candy right meanwhile he's out there and he's like I'm telling you they're plotting something really badly I haven't talked to people in 27 years yeah I live an attemp never been to a doctor he never heets the local kid the kid hits a baseball over the fence and stumbles into him and they strike a relationship yeah this and only he understands the man this guy got busted by a game warden there was a game warden who knew he was he was doing this and so they set up this silent alarm the alarm went off and then this game warden showed up with a flashlight and a gun and and blinded him the flashlight and pointed the gun on him and said get on the ground and then they caught him this this guy was like for all these years he was a a myth I just can't imagine getting through those Winters in M unbelievable unbelievable
it doesn't get any colder than that it's wet cold yeah it's about as miserable as you can get on Earth without being in Alaska I guess like Northern Alaska cuz it's on the ocean it's on the on the Northern Atlantic I bet he stole something like maybe a a dog house or he made some kind of no no no he lived in a tent wow he stole the tent but he lived in a tent he stole everything he had except his glasses he had the same glasses that he wore in high school it's incredible I mean the guy was like he had a high school yearbook he's wearing these glasses and then he's like you know what I don't like people [ __ ] thisy he never saw the internet he's never gotten an email he's never watched a television show he hasn't seen anything in 27 years what do you do read B guy read books oh he stole books and read them yeah loved books like Tom Clancy books stole people's books had a stack of books yeah he broke his glasses it's hard to steal glasses God yeah like that Twilight Zone episode yeah that's what Buress Meredith yeah crazy story though man because because you know you hear about stuff like that and you're like that's [ __ ] there's no guys living 27 [ __ ] years in the woods in Maine but yes there was yes there was and we got to find out why what there's a reason why he left and went in the woods mental illness I would imagine did you read into the wild yes it's kind of like that there was like something that drove and it wasn't like an event that made that guy he wasn't traumatized m you know I think his parents had divorced and he took it hard but basically he just had a spirit that needed to be away from man he he couldn't handle man but he didn't like it when he was out there that's the thing um that they they they talked about it a little bit in the movie you know he was like all this beauty doesn't mean anything if there's no one to share it with I think that was the quote but what what I didn't like about the movie is the movie altered the book in the book the reality of how the guy died the reality of how he died is he got injured and then he starved to death yeah and in the book there was one version of it and in the movie they tried to make it that he ate some poisonous plant that he [ __ ] up and ate the wrong plant no I remember in the book they did mention
that as a possibility they didn't say ultimately that's what it was I think they were pretty sure that he starved to death yeah yeah there was not it's not not easy to get food man it's not easy it's it's the idea of living off the land is ridiculous well I think he had planned on getting out before winter set in and he missed the window and so he got stuck out there well he was only a few miles from people too oh no [ __ ] yeah I mean look that area like you're in Alaska Alaska is incredibly remote but I don't believe he was more than like 5 or 10 miles away from civilization I think the you know poor [ __ ] guy there was people that could have helped him that were right there I wonder if there's a tourist spot where the bus was that he was living in was he like it had a van or a bus or something it like a school bus didn't he find it out there or something and move into it or something was broken down bus but that was sad man because look you can do it like Survivor man's done but you got to be [ __ ] prepared if you if you want to live in the woods by yourself man you better have plenty of food you better have plenty of ammo if you're going to hunt you have better have some way of stockpiling plants if you're not going to hunt you got to figure out how you're going to eat you got to have a serious understanding of nature you know what stuff you can eat what you can't how to build a fire how to you know there's like how to predict the weather to some degree it's probably really hard to do but you should be at least be able to survive like there's a bunch of those shows um that are about people living in Alaska there's a bunch of those shows now but one of The Crazy Ones is Life Below Zero and in Life Below Zero there's a couple of these guys that have cabins and they live out and all they do all day is go out and get food whether it's fishing or hunting they shoot caribou and they hang them and this one guy his name is Glenn and he has like this little Shack that he's prepared up there in in a Alaska and he lives in this little Shack and it's by a lake and he has to drill holes in the lake to pull his water out or he takes snow and he melts it down that's the only way he gets so no electricity just a fire just a fire and he makes all of his fire um he doesn't use matches
because he feels like you could lose your matches so he has this thing like an old school Indian thing he bites down on it he holds it in a stick and the stick is attached to these two ropes like a like a um or a rope rather and a bow like almost like one of those things you would play fiddle with and he goes like this with he bites it down so he holds it in place just goes then he goes back and forth and the friction creates Sparks and then he uses that to start up Tinder that's the only way he makes fire wow and this guy's out there just shooting things and eating them but the crazy thing is like he's happy like he enjoys it he lives as a Hermit for like four or five months out of the year and he does that and then occasionally he he has a family apparently like he's divorced from his wife but he has kids so he goes into town and he does it during the winter months yeah he does it through the winter yeah it's crazy I don't know how much of it is for the show that's a real issue when you watching these goddamn shows you don't know how much of this they're doing like they said hey would you be willing to live out there through the winter like yeah maybe he only does it during the summer normally but he did it in the winter on TV but what's weird is like when I when we stayed in Yos we had to put all our food in these bare safes that were like reinforced Steel m because any food at all they're going to come find it but what do you do when you've got an elk hanging outside of your cabin constantly fighting off Grizzlies this guy's constantly he shoots Grizzlies he's constantly fighting them off they find out about his stash and you know he has to like when he shoots an animal he has to be very careful approaching it because if a bear gets to the animal before he does like a lot of times you shoot an animal and the animal will run off to die like cuz they have a lung they have they're full of air you know their lungs are a bullet will go through one lung the animal runs it might take 10 15 minutes for it to die if you don't hit it perfectly so he has to track the animal but by the time he gets it animals down he has to decide if he shoots the animal like say like if it gets dark at 7 and he shoots the animal at 6 and he's tracking it if he goes too far he's got
to go I got to get home before it gets dark cuz he doesn't have flashlights he's not using any of that [ __ ] okay I got to leave this animal there so then he has to go out first light so he goes out in the morning to find the animal and sometimes something's found it already like nocturnal animals so he might get to his carcass of all of his meat this is what he needs he shot this animal but there's a wolf on it or there's Bears on it or something along those lines it's serious [ __ ] but that that excitement about being out there like that for this guy is like this giant charge that's what he loves to do he doesn't want to deal with taxes he doesn't want to deal with jobs he doesn't want to deal with bosses he's just got this little Shack that he built himself and he can sell skins so like he can um he can get like he can trap he can trap animals like links and you know all these different animals and sell their skins and make money so that's where he gets his money from then from that money he'll buy like bullets and guns he ands at do another human being for four months well he's doing it now because he's talking to cameraman obviously and producers I'm sure I mean I'm sure there's people there that are kind of direct be weird for him because he clearly he doesn't want to be around people and when you got a camera crew around you around the clock you got no space at all yeah I don't know I mean maybe it's only during the day and then they have specific times where they film like they need to get some nighttime content or they need to get some content of him like they've got uh different ones there's a couple of different guys and one guy is a um he's a uh a hunting guide his name's Eric and he's a a hunting guide so he takes people hunting and then when he's not doing that then he has his own spot but he has a generator and he has uh actual electricity and he's a bit he has like he drives around in 4x4s those little you know those little things those Polaris things and that's how he and snowmobiles actually snowmobiles is really the way he does it and that's how he gets around he uses a snowmobile to travel through the woods and check his trap lines and stuff so he's like step
up from this guy like a little he has a generator has power a little bit more technological but you know you go all the way back to that guy and he's not even using matches you know these [ __ ] guys they're they're loving it that's what's crazy it's like the challenge and the thrill of Life Changes cuz they're tuned in that's the what they always talk about like when you're out here it's so exciting cuz you're tuned in to Nature you know like he was he was they're hunting all these different animals and some of them they're hunting for Furs and some which I don't like you know when I when I see people hunting [ __ ] for Furs I'm always like man that's kind of [ __ ] up but when I watch these guys do it I don't it doesn't bother me it doesn't bother me that they're shooting these animals only for their Furs cuz like this guy doesn't have any other way to get money yeah I mean this is what he's chosen to do and there's a reason why I mean they try to keep the populations of a lot of these animals in check and so they need people this to do that but it's just such a weird way of life to watch and I always watch and go could I do that that's why these shows are so popular these Alaska shows are huge and they they're keep making a million of them but you know I could say on the on the slightest scale of this when I go camping I feel so good I come back refreshed I feel like I'm connecting with my family like I never do there's no cell phones we're talking we're doing projects like lighting a fire cooking some food putting the tents up going for a hike and you think you know I always bring a book or some games I never get to that [ __ ] your day is full yeah it's a it's a relaxing but invigorating way to spend your time it's weird yeah but I think people need trees I think like being around that stuff like walking on dirt and being around trees we don't need it obviously but I think there's a certain energy that you get from that environment that's refreshing it feels good yeah I mean every religion talks about so all the answers are in nature you know you read Whitman and thorough it's all about go to wall and pond just get off the grid and that's the only way you can live and it's like even if it means taking a hike every other day just get out in nature all the answers are there you you Ponder
the Cycles you see a flower dying and you think about oh there's some horeshit that's going to make this grow and you see a bird feeding something like you just see how life really works on a base level and I think it kind of gets you in sync yeah I think what we're doing by creating cities is awesome I mean we're stockpiling food it makes it easy to get around your car it's it's nice to be able to visit your friends you just drive across town hey what's up everybody and everybody [ __ ] it's it's green light means go red light means stop you know it's all good we've got a nice system but I think we're missing out on a lot of [ __ ] man I think we're missing out on a lot of the feeling that you get from just being a person I think that's one of the reasons why we're so detached from our the the actions that we are doing as far as like polluting as far as like dumping plastic into the ocean we're so detached from it because in cities we're only seeing this human created stuff but when you see like a beer can you see a beer can in a parking lot say if you're walking through a parking lot see a smash Budweiser can it doesn't really freak you out but when you see a Budweiser can in the woods it's a real bummer man it's a real bummer you know I've seen people throw cigarettes out like on a parking lot it's gross but it seems normal but I see I saw a dude once throw a cigarette out in the woods and I go pick that up man what the [ __ ] are you doing we're out here in the woods it's beautiful out here and you just lit your cigarette threw it on the ground stepped on it [ __ ] you well that's what the ocean is it's forever been a Dumping Ground I mean just just I mean did you hear about the uh the the trash continent that disappeared disappeared it disappeared what do you mean it disappeared somebody just told me yesterday that the thing that's been floating out in the ocean that's the size of Australia is no longer there I don't think it's that big it's pretty big I think it's like Texas size but it's uh the Pacific Garbage Patch is what they call appeared really yep wow I didn't hear that and you know when you think about like uh it's just too easy to dump [ __ ] into the uh 99% missing oh my God 99% missing it's reach the food chain G God yeah ocean patches mysteriously disappearing
what the [ __ ] there was a guy who I had on who was a a seaer he's got this idea of oh we're running out of time but he they we were talking about this uh 19-year-old kid who figured out a way to pull plastic out of the ocean use some sort of a large machine and he's done on a small scale basis skateboards out of it uh no we talked about that I think the last time you were here some guy down in Mexico right doing that no this was a guy who figured out how to clean up the Pacific Garbage Patch and reuse that plastic oh yeah yeah on a small scale they've uh they've shown it like um what's that called proof of concept on a small scale so it's not it's a matter of implementing it on a large scale but if it's all [ __ ] sinking into the ocean that's not it's like that Gulf oil spell like where to go not good he's gone but the reality is of that the ocean is so [ __ ] big if you do cap it eventually everything will recover it's obviously not good but the reality is oil leaks from the ground foror for the ocean floor also I mean it does it all the time like throughout the California coast you could find natural oil that is leaked out of the bottom of the ocean like the ocean floor the same way we can go in and get it with a pipe it can actually come through in some spots yeah so the ocean is not worried about that amount of it's [ __ ] up and gross and for the people that live in that area disgusting awful Evil all the above but the whole ocean it's like come on you know what the worst was is when the uh when the Soviet Union went down they got uh all these all these classified documents came out about the nuclear program for like 40 years they were taking taking raw nuclear waste and just dropping it in the Sea of Japan just take it out throw it overboard [ __ ] and we're eating sushi well that's how the Somali pirates started you know yeah the Somali pirates before they call themselves Somali pirates they call themselves the volunteer Coast Guard of Somalia and the reason why they started doing this they started going out and capturing European boats that were dumping toxic waste off the coast killing off all their fish so they would hold them for ransom and then they realized you know what we get a lot more than this then we do doing fishing yeah so [ __ ] fishing let's just become
kidnappers so they became kidnappers and started making millions of dollars give man of fish he'll eat for a day but take a bunch of people hostage that's a [ __ ] month's worth of money hey now this podcast was brought to you by DraftKings was it is that what we call it what's the the the URL uh draft kings.com no no no there's a URL like you you add something in there Cod word Rogan okay is that it yeah I never get these things correct okay draftkings.com entering the code word Rogan for free entry now at draftkings.com get get on that fantasy football train and make yourself some money I can't believe you could really make money but uh you can you you get your piece of 5 million bucks during kickoff week at draftkings.com use the code word Rogan and you can try it for free enter for free give it a shot you [ __ ] and uh Greg Fitz Simmons what's your website Greg fit simmons.com fitzdog dcom the uh my new 1hour special from Comedy Central is now on a Hulu for free on stage check that out and then if you want to see my [ __ ] live I'll be in Edmonton on September 9 11 through 13 and then Atlanta October 13 to 15 glorious go to Greg's website we're out of time we'll love the [ __ ] out of you people see you next week big kiss mwah [Applause] [Music] [Music] and on purpose you did it Beau