Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVEBupwo51I
one boy hey everybody what the [ __ ] going on hey I've been away a while but I missed you guys how long have you been away four days or something we took a week off I was uh I was out of town um this episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace uh there's probably about five or six websites out there dedicated to various parts of AR's body that have been made during construction of this very podcast it's that easy to make websites Squarespace allows you to make your own website um with just simple web tools drag and drop interface very easy to do it's nothing complex it's nothing that uh the average uh dimwit that knows a little bit about computers like myself can do it's just they've figured it out they figured out how to streamline it narrow down it's pretty easy just drag and drop everything's drag and drop it says what it puts stuff yeah and you can make websites that look really good it used to be you want to make a different looking portfolio how about this online store set up an online store super easy beautiful designs for you to start with you can use your own images your wife can sell her handbags or she can sell pictures of your dick imagine that you guys made a living selling pictures of your dick your wife just takes pictures of your dick and sells them just a little bit of his dick's not bad but I'm an excellent photographer if it was really easy to buy [ __ ] online if everything was like Amazon one click you know and I pay like 5 cents to see your dick I you know you get some for people yeah people would people would say I want to see AR's tick there's a few people that would right yeah like think about how much like let's get weird Ellen degenerous if Ellen degenerous took pictures of her butthole and you you needed f it cost you five cents to see it how many [ __ ] people would pay it was really easy I would definitely pay that for for her vagina I think it's going to come to that if I didn't have to open my ewallet yeah if you if it was super easy to do give her like it back from a dollar it was just a a word interface do you want to pay 5 cents to see Ellen's yeah I'll see I'll do it how much 5 and the computer knows and I'll have a bag
to for 10 yeah and you you're allowed to not even take like a breathalizer test for anything under a certain amount of money after a certain amount of money it should be like the responsibility of the manufacturer of the cell phone to make some sort of a breath lizer thing cuz otherwise it's too [ __ ] easy to just buy [ __ ] if you're really hammered and you buy something you would buy everything yeah it's rude can't have that people have been calling that for a long time breathalizer for your for your phone computer it's good moood for text messages anything that you send after 2:00 in the morning is most likely a mistake most likely yeah when I get too high later at night I buy so much things everything's so beautiful beautiful beautiful and awesome and you can make a website about those things start your own business [ __ ] resell your shitty purchases go to squarespace.com you can make a logo creator you can create a a sleek and simple logo I just made one for Ari and look while we were doing that big juicy hog Ari shafir big juicy hog and it's a picture of a chicken it makes zero sense and it's perfect yeah and for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase go to squarespace.com and enter in the code word Joe yeah they're all different um a T-shirt oh that's you just made it what is it the T-shirt big juicy hog big juicy H is it h AWG yeah nice of nice that's the way to say it sounds more delicious that way roer on top of it it sounds more slurpie this these dudes online that have been getting mad at all these gay inuendos and jokes all this [ __ ] homophobic [ __ ] and all this [ __ ] listen I like dick jokes I think they're funny if you get you get weirded out that's your own [ __ ] son all right don't panic dick jokes are funny go to squarespace.com make your own dick joke website one cool thing about it one cool thing about it codor Joe is that um you can actually build a site and then not pay for it yet and then decide like all right I'm going to get this thing yeah that is a good word that is a good uh idea rather they they're so confident in the ability to make a website so easily that they let you try it out register and try it out without entering your credit card information so at the end of that if you're like your website's whack son you can just bail you can just bail
and uh you'll have learned about that service anyway go to squarespace.com use a code word Joe and save 10% off and more importantly to me I met the Squarespace people and they're very nice they're cool what you meet them New York Met in New York very nice gu over the office is super friendly everybody they came to the show they were really friendly and nice and fun they're working an internet company man yeah those are the cool people those are the cool people that's why I have faith in the future people always like why you so Faith you [ __ ] you're always looking at the bright side of things man we're going down the toilet I have faith in the future because I think that technology and the technology creators are the ones that are dictating what's taking place everyone is scrambling to deal with the technology technology innovators yeah before well instead of actual products solid items instead of solid items and things that you weigh put on scale instead you're dealing with things like a Google I mean it's there's a solid item somewhere you know there's hard drives that keep all the information on and obviously there's offices but the reality is that Google's not a real product like that you can pick up and have in your hand you can have a Google phone but what the [ __ ] is Google well the the number one thing in that company is a nothing it's an air it's an idea so this idea has picked up all these hard drives and set up all these web browsers and set up all these different Google Chrome and yeah Google operating system based on nothing but what is it really it's just ideas an idea is what Google is and they're a really ethical and responsible company which is fascinating because one of the most powerful one of the mo is also very Progressive they're super Progressive I have a friend who works at Google and there's a guy who works in the office who's a guy outside the office but in the office he likes to be referred to as a woman and he dresses up as a woman so he goes to the office he dresses up as like like a man up like a woman he's a man till he gets to the office then he goes to the office does that work yep yep like Clinger he NOP he's not trying to get a a a thing from the government just what he does and Google's like okay as long as you're nice like long as you
do your work yeah what do we care what do we care that's perfect see that didn't exist wow in older older why does he wear regular boy suit to work that's a very good question but a better question is why does anybody why you identify someone's sex by the clothing they wear that seems the like the most ridiculous thing people into certain ways of being I used to when I was religious and worked at some Law Firm for the summer and then the next year I like lost my religion in that summer and then I worked there again like a goddamn R song yeah and I didn't want to explain to them so I would just take my yamak off as soon as I left work I would put it on to work and then take it off as soon as I left yeah man um I have Fai R song I have faith because of that cuz he's smart [ __ ] ERS are the ones that are the ones that are the most Innovative the ones that are the most on The Cutting Edge about what's changing the world like Google searches are changing the goddamn world right banned in China can't get on Google look it's Google's a crazy thing yeah the the ability to just get all the questions I mean not always right a lot of contrary information but just the sheer bulk of the information and then sources oh this is a Stanford University study and you go okay you know all right you know what I mean you start reading things like oh this uh this guy's a professor of astronomy from Cambridge abity to get knowledge yeah you go okay well this guy's super legit he's a professor of astronomy at Cambridge you know it's like that didn't we didn't have that yeah all you had was a micro fish for newspapers and all these dudes that are in involved in these companies in my opinion it seems to be they're moving there I mean there's still corporations there's still going to be there's always going to be weirdness when money is involved but it seems like the ethic of the internet the ethic of these electronic corpor ation is one of social responsibility one that that didn't really exist before I wonder I'm trying to think if there's any bad like bad of those companies not that I can think of like Tesla they're supposed to be really cool Elon Musk has got a reputation of being this really fascinating Innovative guy Starbucks is cool Starbucks is cool
as [ __ ] I love having good coffee on the corner they pay for people's um health insurance they offer to put you through Phoenix online college really if you're over like yeah 24 25 like we'll pay for it beautiful that's beautiful I think that [ __ ] is possible man I think people can build an ethical company you know I think I really do I just think for so long people are so goddamn ruthless so people say oh you know your [ __ ] so optimis Ben Jerry they've been doing it for years yeah Ben and Jerry been doing it like way back before it was interesting yeah like we're just going to do it because it's the right thing well they're from Vermont dude Vermont is have you ever been up there Burlington Vermont uh yeah once my parents tryed to send me to special Camp there it's a [ __ ] beautiful beautiful Town God Vermont is awesome High Ground want to go to that Higher Ground Place what's higher ground some like small like rock theater that like heard is cool maybe I work that cuz I definitely worked something in Burlington a long time ago yeah I guess we're doing a podcast let's just [ __ ] go with it um I did uh something in Burlington we I mean clearly we we're done with commercials Nature's box yet yeah nature box go [ __ ] yourself oh give me some yummy treats you really want that stop cuz I was going to say I I actually made a squar space uh store I'm working on one right now and it was so [ __ ] easy how you just put a picture in of what you want to sell put how many there is like quantity there is uh you sign up for this thing that's like PayPal and then if somebody buys it from you it uh Auto in two days it automatically goes to your bank account the money and it sends you like a a little shipping thing where to ship it to helps you I mean it is the that's incredible I was so blown away how easy a store was because I knew blog kind of websites and stuff I knew it could have that hard cuz I I use WordPress but this store thing I was so amazed at how easy it was how much control you had and Squarespace it was it was I'm you can make a store in less than five minutes it is really that crazy that's so weird isn't that weird is like PayPal store did you use PayPal it use it uses a a another company that's just like PayPal and PayPal you could just use a credit card too you
don't have to have a pay right so if someone has PayPal and that's crazy it's just pretty much a credit card processor that charges I think uh like per transaction so and that's actually cheaper than what PayPal does because I believe PayPal actually uses a percent how much money so if you have $100 PayPal takes like $111 you know it's like 11% where this actual company whatever I forget it's like spark or something uh actually only just charges you 35 cents because all it is is a credit card transaction fee right so we're just moving numbers Around The Ether so we don't care how big your transaction is same process for them what a scam make money by moving numbers on computers [ __ ] Ticket Master always does that garbage dude Ticket Master processing fee why is it on we bought four tickets all at once why are there four processing Fe what's a processing fee computer's doing it yeah what are you talking about I didn't call the hotline well that's what the big argument with um that band in Seattle was about Pearl Jam Pearl Jam remember Pearl Jam like they rallied against Ticket Master and I talked to someone over there and they were like no it's the venues that they want their percentage so they take it too it's like well then why don't you put it as a venue cost we know who to blame look at that face you're making ridiculous I hate when I see that I've seen your shows people like your tickets were $35 I paid 66 yeah and you're like what yeah yeah it's weird but that's how it is you know I I would love to Rally against [ __ ] like that but I don't have that kind of time son I just got to keep pressing forward you know I think Lou for a while was doing some weird [ __ ] where he's making people pay in cash and they had to yeah they had to buy it like the day of the show and they paying cash sure he did that at the Comedy Store I know that you know the idea was to stop scalpers too because there's always a scalping problem that's that always happens if you're going to sell out of place like uh like a Ticket Master um like someone who buys it from Ticket Master some you know some company B we realized this a long time ago Robin Williams played and it was like sold out I was like why didn't we get people were offering to pay like $150 $200 for
tickets like what we had access to them we never scalped at the store somebody must have right somebody must have gotten people like chewy had to scalp a little bit I did it this year did you get some scalping in uh no I I bought Louie tickets for for a few for you for someone else and then you couldn't go the other person couldn't go SC I told the door man I was like hey just you can sell them get whatever you want give me the 40 back and then take the rest oo he doubled it oo yeah and people can't get in like what do you want what do you want let's do this especially in LA right in La people like come on this restaurant's got to have two seats somewhere I'm important start pulling out that paper son pulling that sweet paper uh all right keep going with a commercial um nature box go um Nature Box don't Fu go [ __ ] yourself when I said that before I was treating you like a buddy I just got my first nature box today man it I was really really happy they sent me two packages of sriracha cashews Sriracha cashews oh my goodness I forgot to bring them in man I went home and I forgot to bring them in they're so good you would die you would want them delivered to your house every day they're the best snack I've ever had these shacha cashew no nope that's not true I got some Elk jerky from amazon.com I know you can buy some Elk jerky that's pretty goddamn good too but uh sh Cas cashews as far as like being a of an option where nothing had to die that's an animal nut that's way better for you than chips elk no they're chips I mean oh yeah nuts are way better than for there's even they're salted and roasted and stuff still like these are that's it's got to be more easy to process right definitely well what's more easy to process about everything that nature box has is that they have no trans fat trans fats your body has a process issue with those high fructose corn syrup not that's why so many Holocaust Survivors are living such a long life because no high fructose corn syrup no trans fats for a while that's what it is yeah now they're living to 100 and something that's amazing imagine if that's true can't be that no imagine was like yeah do rabbis really bless those Foods the Jew food kosher it's called kosher don't say Jew food no they look over it make sure people like
you aren't doing anything to it course according to El Lia you're not supposed to say Jew you're supposed to say Jewish and if you say someone's a Jew that it's like an insult really no no I've heard that before it's the first time I've actually heard a girl say that according to Eliza Slinger no people would get upset insulted a Jew yeah I never zero you Jew zero high fructose corn syrup too uh nothing artificial free shipping anywhere in the US if you if you um have a an office Vending machine and like the best thing that you can eat in there is peanuts you know those [ __ ] machines where it's just candy bar chips peanuts I guess peanuts put some Nature Box in your desk I heard the owners of nature box are Jews what AR's allowed to say that you know why Jew privilege well somebody told me they blessed all the animals and I was like that's kind of cool if like this old Jewish guy that came over there and just like all right guys I am they look over the killing and they make sure it's all killed right in theory I think that kosher was a great idea at first they they set some ground rules like don't eat pigs they're dirty [ __ ] people were probably getting sick like crazy if they didn't know how to cook animals yeah if you cook a pig the same way you cook a deer you're going to have real problems pigs are they they're omnivores they eat a lot of animals and so they get trinos so you got to cook that out of them you got to cook the [ __ ] out of it you got to you're going to eat that parasite too when you eat a pig they didn't know that back then they people got sick how do they know where to get [ __ ] try mushrooms and get get sa from a tree but they didn't know why do we keep getting sick every time we eat this pig well they just thought the pig was disgusting they thought if you eat pig you're going to get sick and you're going to die it makes sense cuz back that is true I mean back then you you had a real issue and most pigs whether they were wild or domestic apparently they're the exact same thing they're the same animal just they just look different you know but they could [ __ ] with each other they can inner breed you know that was a rule we weren't allowed to accept when they said why is stuff not Kosher because you know it's it's the tapeworm stuff mhm uh the answer was
always cuz God said that's a good good answer you're not supposed to know why yeah you don't need to know [ __ ] God said God said stay away from the [ __ ] pigs but uh you know now that we know it's silly cuz bacon is awesome and nobody dies from bacon had some bacon today oh it's so good I mean you could buy from you could die from Life hey Nature Box how about some bacon flavor Stu you can't do that there's no beef jerky in here they don't have beef jerky no but I'll tell you what they do have bacon jerky gluten they have those South Pacific plantains godamn those are good woo and that Big Island Pine Apple oh yummy yum yum yum but I keep going to those shacha cashews every Nature's box doesn't have anything bacon related now that I think about it some bacon to ward off the juice some pickles why don't they have pickles pickles would be a good one those bag pickles are tricky man you know gillow pickles by the way has greatest pickles in the history of the Free World they don't need to make pickles when gillow pickles what show do they they show up at they were just giving them out what was that that was our show in Boston in Boston yeah the dude from gorilla's pickles cool cool as [ __ ] pickles I am not bullshitting you the best pickles I've ever had in my life people like what's the big deal with Pickles [ __ ] listen to me just buy yourself one container of those hot spicy spicy garli yeah oh my God they're so [ __ ] good that big island pineapple is oh so delicious that love that snack nothing simple dried pineapple so good and what's cool about Nature's box is that you know you you get this once a month and you could add any other uh snack for only $3 extra so you can just load load up your box like I loaded up don't go to Nature's box.com because if you go to Nature's box it's a chick named nature and uh it's it's all that box is disgusting yeah it's all about her her butt problem she's got one of those how long do you do on ads on each of these people this is done save them for like well you know what man this is not really an ad I mean it's sort of a podcast ad yeah anyway naturebox.com SL Rogan suck it that's enough we don't need to do on it today we'll do it later on it.com use the C- word sham boom I move like a ghost The Joe
Rogan Experience train my day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day damn we said a lot of cool [ __ ] before this podcast ever started we have a Nick Diaz calling into our punch chunk Sports podcast oh really he's going to call in U well we have a allegedly allegedly yeah he calls in all the time how you so did you do punch drunk when you were on the road when you in China yeah I love doing them from other places I did it from the slopes and Veil one holy [ __ ] did you have a guest or did you do it by yourself punch drunk no no no like you called in yeah skyped in okay so you did it from from like remote locations yeah from the slopes in Veil like I pulled over into some woods and I was until my phone went off cuz it was too cold that's hilarious yeah it's always been like where are you I did it from the shower once we came back from break and I was just like and tibo was like are oh she are you [ __ ] showering what is the audio like when you're Skyping like into a podcast like that pretty good as long as I'm on Wi-Fi so you could but you ever tried do it on 4G around the LTE yeah and it works uh yeah but sometimes it goes like especially in New York it's like comes in and out this that seems like there would be a really cool way to do a podcast walking around yeah TP this kind of it's very like room echoey though the good part what you could do though is you could record it separately like on an MP3 player and then send them the audio later and they could cut it in so it sounds fine oh I see so have two recordings going simultaneously they would have to Sy them up right the live one would be the only one that kind of that seems like a project that we would give to you and it would take at least a year you would find all sorts of reasons why you know that that's not going to happen but I'm so happy you're video editing again that video the of us shooting hard drives we decided to shoot hard drives old hard drives yeah so we uh you know I just that's funny more for fun than anything but I always wanted to know what happens when a bullet hits a hard drive so we set up some hard drives and loaded up my hunting rifle really yeah it's a it's a serious rifle it's a 7 Millet Remington Ultram mag they just
like go through it oh yeah yeah it went through it sideways too like it's it's so accurate you could hit it widthwise so you're shooting at something that's 100 yards away and you have about an inch maybe a little more inch and a half or something like that get through that way you can see this is uh This Is Us shooting at the the hard drive as long as you stay put it's all just about staying put and not freaking out freaking out yeah when you pull the trigger don't Flinch cuz it's really hard not to Flinch because yeah you got a rifle man that's a [ __ ] rifle breathe out yeah I mean that thing that has a muzzle brake on it which is this thing around the tip of the uh the rifle bolt the rifle barrel rather that uh it distributes the energy better makes a louder noise though so it doesn't it's 100 yards and so it doesn't um doesn't um uh kick as much which is really important because the kick is what scares the [ __ ] out of you that's you're scared of so clinch up before it happens yeah tense up how do we get to talking about this hard drive destruction we were on a srutis route oh your video I'm glad you're doing video videos again yeah man it's so cool to see you doing videos again I somebody put up a thread of some of your old videos dude you're so talented at that it's like you have such a gift for video editing learn though how to how using like editing HD nowadays how much [ __ ] computer you need though to make it even worth not killing yourself trying to do yeah as far as well the I don't just edit videos like that the videos I do there's like at least that had like at least 12 layers of audio going on at the same time and is there some sort of super dope setup that we can get that would convince you to start making videos well I mean this I mean this one was fun to do but it you know I don't know I dude you could make the you make you were making amazing videos a long super black video we did that submission video for some some show com never happened yeah that has like a million views or almost it has a lot I looked the other day and I was like wow I got that many no you've got some real talent dude you've got real talent as far as like how you choose scenes and edit things and music and effects into them you're really good it's like you don't just take a video
and cut it together and edit it you add something to it you add a lot to it you know you made some awesome videos when we were working together doing those David Taylor says that he was like you're the first guy to figure out length on the internet with that Mania clip like how do you make a 10minute long clip that people will actually watch there's no way it hasn't been done make it like a show yeah make it like a little show you have a timeline going on I mean it goes back in time and forward in time yeah it's nowadays it is getting easier the the actual programs like the new Final Cut Pro is cool because it could sync up automatically where you used to have to just try to line up two sounds and stuff like that it just go go to syn that wow course that should be a thing let's get some bad mama jama computers and do this man what are you doing I mean it would be fun to see how how much unstressful it is we'll get you some adol we'll get you whatever you need allegedly allegedly this is a comedy show we're not being do not take us to a cage Aderall that [ __ ] uping talking to a dude today recently quit Aderall really really yeah we're having a conversation why ran out very no he was cool ran out very cool guy no I think he felt like the I think a lot of people that do the Aderall feel like there's a a crash at the end of the day was he oh you got to have the the it's either the fast acting ones or the time release ones yeah so there's no crash that way is that like they slowly come so it's not like boom and drop off the cliff but he was loving the back he was telling me how productive and really yeah he get [ __ ] was he self medicating that one I do not believe so but I didn't ask I I believe he was talking about a doctor it works so much differently oh you need it or when you don't it does like the opposite thing to you yeah if you need it allegedly uh I don't understand add but if you cuz I have it hardcore I don't understand it yeah but I think if you um if you have it and then you take it it calms you It Centers you right is that true though that's what I don't know that's what I heard I don't know I have no idea I have IDE it's so hard to tell what the [ __ ] is going on it's like you you ever uh see someone drink and then they just lose their marbles they just for
whatever reason they just lose their marbles their brain just shut off they're not there anymore they make terrible decisions you're like how many [ __ ] drinks have you had he's only had like three drinks and they just go away they just go away yeah I can't get that you don't get that I don't get that no I just barf right I pass out but I mean do you get that guy oh understand it yeah do you try to get do you try to get it cuz obviously something's happening to him I think there's a very direct there's a distinctly different physiological effect of alcohol on his body as opposed to your body you and I have gotten drunk a bunch of times together you're just AR shaffir drunk yeah you know there's nothing crazy at all you're you you're exactly the same guy but you'll laugh a little bit more you say you'll be a little bit more ridiculous like all of us when we're Dr get looser but there are certain folks that they go away and then this other guys there this is uh love that my favorite things to say like they're not making memories right now no this is all just unrecorded that's what's really [ __ ] up it's like they're in a dream that's that's a there's people that have a a real issue like that that was the sign of alcoholism if you black out that means you're an alcoholic people like what do you mean I blacked out like 100 times like yeah alol but there is something to say like I've been freaking myself out cuz I mean I like to drink but been like but it seems like every night I come home like I don't remember the last hour like at all but then I'm thinking wait I only had three drinks last night I think there's also a lot to do with how much you smoke weed alcohol together make them both jump off yeah because I no no no still it's bet in both like jump started like like right now I've only smoked weed and I really don't remember what I did last like two hours ago I I I'm just trying to remember you didn't get much sleep last night either right that's what it is for it happens a lot though where like I come home and I'm like well I don't remember much last night but I smoked like 14 joints well that the smoking 14 joints is probably a bad idea but what's a good idea for you is definitely to take a break off the boozing oh yeah that's this week cuz
you're you're healthy I mean look what you did with your life as far as like have fun over the last few years go party you know just be at the comedy clubs all the time it's a great fun thing that so few people get to do there's nothing wrong with doing it it's like do you do it and manage how much damage you do to yourself in the process and at a certain point in time I just feel that most folks can't keep drinking most folks they get to a certain point in time there's always stories about some guy was 100 years old smoked cigarettes and but that guy the reason why you hear those stories yeah unusual [ __ ] most people when they get to be you know 50 60 when they're smokers they start having real problems like extreme problems say their grandfather like he drank every day till he died I'm like how often did you hang out with your grandfather he's over there jerking off and eating tobacco yeah there's I don't know how much of it is true you know I know there's always a guy that lives to be a hundred and a guy that uh you know smoked all the time and he was fine the day died yeah whatever but I know I know people that I've seen their body deteriorate I've seen their I've seen their their face start to like shrivel in from cigarettes yeah you know that weird thing you do when you when a guy's a chain smoker and you start to see their face starts to shrivel in gets hardened it's like it's pulling into itself the sun of they they look gray they got outside all the time to uh that leather face that beach face cuz you got to be outside smoking but just it's I I know several people have died because of cigarettes several the first was u a guy that I knew um well I guess I don't have any relatives that died from it but uh I knew a guy who was uh at the pool hall used to hang out with he died slow man cancer yeah he died slow James I knew three guys there I knew three guys there that died from cigarettes that had that smok cigarettes every day he chain smoked and they got cancer and died is anyone in your family smoke no not anymore but my sister smoked for a little while my mom smoked for a little while you're probably to go you could you could probably smoke for a good 20 years if you wanted I'm not into it
thanks though no just 20 years just try it it's probably okay probably like I mean AR you have to admit you used to enjoy smoking I loved it are you kidding me in ch in in in uh China I was thinking like I got the urge back o cuz everybody smokes over there right everyone can smokes maybe it's a pollution so I was already feeling it a little too I got feel got did you get close just saying [ __ ] it no I was looking at people with their cigarettes Going H do you think that you could smoke for like a week and then and not get hooked again like decide no I think I'm two two cigarettes I'm fully hooked oh my goodness one is still I could still like that was disgusting but you know what it might be disgusting but does then it starts going away through your body just moving and then the next day you be like yeah I need one I really wish I understood addiction I had a guy on here this Dr Carl Hart Who explained addictions to me but when you talking to a guy super smart knows a lot about the human body and the mechanisms of addiction and he's explaining to me I'm hearing the words he's saying and I get what he's trying to explain to me but I totally don't understand the mechanisms of how these addictions work I don't understand it but the way he was saying it was that it's more mental than anything it's more people just it's in their mind the actual physical addiction he said is not that big of a deal yeah like the people eat their couches and stuff that only couches yeah you know those weird addictions people eat their couch couch cushion out a little bit of a Time Jesus I haven't seen that I saw chick who was eating tape yeah Stu like that she was addicted to eating tape she would pull the the plastic tape break it off put in your mouth and start chewing it Che but there's nothing there's nothing chemical to that that's just mental that's crazy person yeah that's just 100% crazy person but that's also an addiction that's what's weird about being a person it's there's ALS there's there's addictions of yeah there's like addictions stop it that are uh like they're could just compulsive they be they're habit for whatever reason you just feel the need to do it yeah and a cigarette apparently is one of those food's a big one food's a big one for
some folks it's the drive-thru that Rush that you get when you're not supposed to go to that drive-thru but you [ __ ] it let's do this and it's like you get an addiction treat like skydiving stopping at Arby's well dude I've had that feeling you've had that feeling too especially when you're drunk right yeah does feel good to know you're going to get food yeah you're going to get some delicious delicious remember when we used to walk to Carney right down the street from the store that's some of the worst [ __ ] you could ever eat in your life yeah it was so good so good I had it like last year again yeah should never eat it every time I eat it I was like what the [ __ ] did I just do to my body there's no food pyramid where that's on yeah you get chili fries on top of a chili dog that's totally an addiction oh that place is an addictive Place those kind of places are addictive and great don't get me wrong I'm glad they exist just Reese I would go there tomorrow I would go there tomorrow but the there's there's a a certain addiction to that that this is very peripheral cuz you're not doing it all day every day like you can with cigarettes so I would imagine just the ritual ual aspect of the tradition of the be way bigger because you're doing it all day your to yeah you're doing this all day dice had to chew on cigarettes for years oh remember that chewing on cigarettes oh chewing for the same six minutes it would have taken him to smoke it and then throws it out and starts a new one wow that's smart of him but then he started smoking again then he started smoking again but then one time I saw stage go like he threw one out and started a new one and he goes what are you doing dice what what are you doing toothpicks are $3.99 for 100 that's so dice that he would worry about how much money he's spending I'm giving these jerk offs yeah he's got to get a special brand cigarette that he wasn't even smoking for like five years there is something very calming about it though like when you're stressed or if you she want CN oh yeah no no a cigarette absolutely there's a real effect but here's what's crazy that real effect is just that you're addicted to cigarettes nicotine's calming also it's not though it's a stimulant nicotine is
more of a stimulant I'm pretty sure I don't think it has a caling also a calm because you're like oh now I don't need a cigarette anymore well let's Google that because we live in 2014 and I might be totally wrong but the way it was explained to me and the way Dr Hart describes it is that what's going on is you have this buildup and this need to get it in your body then when you get in your body you Cal your so that when you're in a situation where you're very stressed out you absolutely have extraneous external stress but you also stress of the fact that you need a cigarette maybe it's also seems like the same feeling as when you get cigarettes so when you do actually get stressed it's like oh this reminds me of the time I should have cigarettes yeah yeah and again I think I know what we talked about earlier that the r the daily ritual aspect of a cigarette must be incredibly strong because you do it so often especially if you have a drink how many people tell you they only smoke when they drink yeah a lot of people right what is that you know you're doing something bad it's the same thing as eating at Carneys you know you know you're doing something bad and you're like [ __ ] it it's a ritual when I get drunk I like to do that it's like the flavor of coffee and cigarettes together is like the best two ingredients that make the best pie ever yeah nicoe uh nicotine's a stimulant it was good this is the um the the actual explanation of what nicotine is nicotine is a potent boy here we go sympath sympath a mctic that's middle name parasmo mctic alkaloid found in the nightshade family of plants and is a stimulant drug night shade mhm that sounds cool that's why people like to smoke cigarettes after they [ __ ] like sellas at hot top sounds like a g it's a nicotinic acline receptor and Agonist it's made from the roots and accumulates in the leaves of plants which is uh obviously tobacco plant I think some other plants have nicotine there were a lot of words in there I didn't know yeah I think you can get nicotine from I want to say Guana but it might be something differently I me some other different kind of you ever have that um asai that's what that is that's Guan berries yeah I'm pretty sure zasai Guana gu is it spelled like something different
right how's it spelled spell it a AI is Nigeria going to play Germany a AI That's it is Nigeria going to play Germany yeah there's a black guy on the Nigerian team I mean on the on the yeah a lot on the German team why what's what's so funny just I just wondered um this uh assai stuff is so delicious but apparently when you get it in Brazil you get like the pure form of it and a lot of times what we get has a lot of sugar in it wonder who's got the best Assa but it's uh so I'm wrong it's not that other fruit what did I say it was what did I think it was uh Guana Guana I think Guana is a totally different thing oh yeah I know but it's a Guana is some sort of a stimulant gorana is like caffeine you ever have that [ __ ] that soda that Brazilian soda uhuh at fog child you never had that green and that green oh son you're missing out if you're going to go to Fogo toch and have the full Brazilian experience you got to get one of those Guana sodas I want to go back to Brazil oh so good I want to go there Oro yeah Fogo yeah sounds they have real fogos they have the original fogos in Rio chicken hearts yeah they have chicken hearts and organs and they love to eat like that man those people love to eat like that Guana has caffeine yes it does caffeine yeah so that stuff has caffeine in it that's what I was getting confused with so gorana I'm pretty sure is a totally different thing asai yeah it doesn't even look like it asai is those uh berries anyway the important thing is keep smoking cuz it stimulates you don't listen to these guys they're [ __ ] with you man don't do it it so good I wonder how many people as he talked about cigarettes and how bad they were got the urge and lit up I'm sure they did they probably they're smoking right now at least some cursing us you know what I wish I wish I never smoked my whole life and on my 40th birthday I would start smoking and just cuz who cares you know by the time you turn 80 who cares if you get cancer oh my God you're so [ __ ] why would it be then why wouldn't it be when you're 43 sure I wonder about you sometimes maybe that [ __ ] computer like sitting
in front of the computer editing just cooked you you ever think of that saying that shit's not good for you you're a different man now maybe you can do it from a distance with a remote control or something no because you get you get you get addicted to things and you start looking at things and overplaying stuff over and over like you play something over like three hours in a row and you're just looking it'ses crazy right that's a sign of being really in love with what you're doing you're just really connected you're obsessed with your work come on man you know that when you release those really good ones and you got awesome response online from people that universally on that message board people talk about how great your video editing skills were your eyes burn at the end of at the end those nights where they like ah FU oh sure yeah they actually say that it does that is what's happening it's cooking your tear Ducks wow really there's something thing about it like it dries out your tear Ducks it's really bad for you w I still cry well I got a pair of glasses and they're yellow yeah like they're supposed to cut down on the glare it's like l less intrusive like shooting glasses they look just like the type of glasses you wear on the Range cuz like looking through yellow is supposed to be like remember they have those stupid [ __ ] commercials for those cheap ass sunglasses what those called HD glasses they're the best sunglasses put on go to the beach like what do you think of these oh my God everything's so much clearer wow yeah me and wear those seoro wears them yeah me and Tom both really yeah well those are the ones that you're supposed to look at when you like look at your computer SE HD vision it wraps around my normal spectacles yeah you got the side ones too there's a little window on the side listen Ari you got nothing to say to that guy look at him what are you and him going to talk about you're next you're on a bus next to each other for five hours I so uh what do you do for a living um just the comic uh nice where'd you get those glasses oh these are my HD Rapp arounds asine on TV what oh really you order from the TV they allow me to see you in a totally different light like what what kind of at you you
can see the horns what is uh what is it like being a Jew ra what is it like it's my favorite question my favorite stupid question to ask somebody what is it like to whatever what do you mean what's it like to be [ __ ] funny seven it's like eight yeah what's it like to have those beautiful wraparound yellow sunglasses it's like not having them but it's way better than that yeah people will say some weird [ __ ] to people sometimes what's it like yeah it must be nice like what's it like drinking a Coca-Cola what's it like to have him for a brother just for what for brother him for a brother what's it like I don't know what's like to have him for her brother yeah it's like what's it like to have her for a mom huh the [ __ ] bro I guess the experiences uh yeah people say douchy things like on the sneak tip they can say douchy [ __ ] like that where you don't you're not supposed to get mad at them but you're allowed to anyway like what the [ __ ] are you doing what kind of question is that it's going nowhere you're wasting everyone's time what's it like to have her for a mom what the [ __ ] what kind of question are you asking me [ __ ] like that's some weird person right that's a person who's not nice yeah they're being douchy with you Fu [ __ ] them right back son take [ __ ] Joe did you uh follow that story about that kidnapping of the kid that they found in the base what the hell was that about that's so suspect which kid it's very suspect right yeah yeah what happened Nancy Grace interviewed uh the guy the father too I guess last night I didn't watch it but I heard it was uh you're trying to tell me that you didn't look in the basement for your son and he was in there for 11 days is that what you're trying to tell me sir and wasn't he like I just thought my son was dead huh he was just trapped in there he was hiding oh he apparently the official story he died no no He's Alive they went looking for him for like 11 days the kid was in the basement the whole time hiding hiding selft dungeon he he decided to make himself like a little house back there oh wow so whatever he had food and clothes yeah obviously there's something wrong you know I mean that doesn't seem like a some a normal kid wants to be around their parents right you know kids don't
usually want to hide it must be much more than I mean for 11 days oh you say the dad must have done something no way some kid hides for 11 days something's wrong whatever it is whoever did something it seems like something's wrong how many people are out there like that that we don't know about what percentage of the population is in some terrible place like that where they're trying to hide from their parents or they're trying to hide from someone in their family or someone they're close to what what percentage it is Detroit Michigan the kid's 11 he might just have a girlfriend he's [ __ ] in a basement somewhere that's true oh yeah he' be banging in a basement I don't think so though cuz they said they found him solo back there yeah maybe decided to go on an epic masturbation what do he like when when they found him I don't know he F he had food yeah he had food down there he was hiding but there was blood that there was found like on rags and stuff there's a lot of weird questions about this whole thing oh boy I didn't hear about that part period blood though it could be right but girls do girls get their period now at 11 and Detroit they do they do I heard Detroit's becoming a cool City metal is it because of the metal um don't whoever said that tell them to go [ __ ] all these artists moving in there it's like changing up listen I hope that happens but we were just there a little while ago yeah there's it's there's houses there there $500 you know what we're going to be king ourselves in 20 years like what do you mean you could have gotten a house for $10 and you didn't do it why didn't you buy a $100 at $10 all due respect to Kid Rock and Eminem I'm not moving to [ __ ] Detroit I'm not buying property there it's just it went bad I hope it goes back but it went bad what are they going to do suddenly build new plants there well listen the folks that are there I I definitely think there's like an artist Community there and there's a lot of cool we met a lot of cool people that live there no doubt about it but I'm saying if you were trying to like invest in something that you thought would definitely like you think you're stealing money I it's going to take a it's going to take a lot of work to bring Detroit back in Detroit people are cool as [ __ ] though man I I enjoyed
hanging out there people were super nice but I felt bad we were on this River um where uh these people were fishing and I was like this water is not clean this is dirty water and they were like yeah it is and it's like it's one of the most the area around Zug Island is one of the most polluted areas in the country wow and these people were fishing in I was like man I mean how I don't know if they're testing these fish I don't know if people were just eating them chines people fishing in those [ __ ] dirty like what are you doing even the residents were like what are you doing they just they need food man that's what it is you know you might have a fish that's not so good but at least you're not hungry you know cook it up good [ __ ] if you're smoking cigarettes already you know what a difference does it make if you eat a [ __ ] metallic fish some fish loaded up with fish has a polluted heavy metal pollutions apparently they checked a fish that they caught outside of Fukushima yeah and it was fine and it was a one of the fish it was a this is a science guy who debunks a lot of the myths about you know climate change and disasters and all sorts of like when he's like very very uh strict very um very very concise with his uh you know like whether it's uh politically correct or not very very scientific about his um explanations for these things and he was explaining that this is a fish that is indigenous to this area it doesn't migrate a fish that's been suck in in that water filled with radiation it's only like a mile off the coast I think it was less than a mile and you can eat it he's like these fish are fine like you don't have to worry about the fish that's have they caught fish that weren't like that they have caught fish that have an elevated amount of radiation in it and this is what's been really fascinating about Fukushima and obviously I'm a [ __ ] idiot so when you're listening to me anything that I say that might sound tricky Google it what's what's fascinating about this is that it's opened me up to paying attention to how many different things have radiation like there was an article the other day that said Grand Central Station has more radiation naturally occurring because of all that stone all
that marble that they have inside of there really the marble H it gives off a certain amount of natural radiation radiates it radiates and there's more radiation inside that giant train station than is allowable at a nuclear power plant for workers really yes wow wow but it's natural radiation so for I don't know I don't understand that that's that's where [ __ ] gets weird but when you're on a plane you're taking Mega doses we had enen Inu who lives in Japan yeah and uh enen uh he does a lot of relief work for people up in Fukushima trying to help people and spread the word about how bad the situation is and how many displaced people are up there he said that he brought his guer counter with him he brings G and he brought in a plane I said when you're in a plane it's like the same as when you're in Fukushima it's it's [ __ ] terrible my dad said that you could actually hang out there for a couple hours and you'll be fine so so if you find a fish that's like a mile off the shore that fish is probably not just hanging out at that exact location for you know the whole time it probably just swam there got caught and you know so I it's probably safe enough to eat this no but that fish wasn't a migratory fish that was one of the reasons why it was significant I guess I think it's hard to put in our stupid little heads how big the [ __ ] ocean is pretty big yeah it's hard it's so big you it's bigger than than the country the continent it's like if you look at what the Pacific Ocean looks like and you look at the continent of North America we're like this little tiny thing in there we don't have we don't show the whole thing on the map because there's not enough room to show the whole thing on the map oh really I mean sort of I mean look you don't really get it you don't get it there's no way you get it the only way you get it is when you fly in Australia not find just go out there and find it so [ __ ] you don't understand dude you be so [ __ ] so much water you can't can't see an end to the left you can't see an end to the right you can't see an end ahead and you can't see an end behind you there's everywhere you look is just water life a pie and you yeah and you better have a [ __ ] good one of them like life pie yeah that's the stuff we were going to
get back to exactly there was a a part in life the I just watched it in 3D the other day but there was a part in it where the tiger made this crazy face right before he was about to pee on on the main character and it was so trippy that I it was made me wonder why they threw it in there like it was very unrealistic and you were saying that you thought the movie kind of felt unrealistic the tiger well it was completely unrealistic as far as the dynamic of the relationship between the guy and the tiger the fact that they fought over food the fact that he beat the tiger back and he was on a boat I mean that that I can go so far if he had superpowers if he was Wolverine or something like that he could end explained that you you understood the end how explained all that it didn't really happen no he's hallucinating but during the movie I'm like this is just pissing me off right cuz much when when he was trying to get up that ladder and he wouldn't let him in the boat man that was some deep [ __ ] right there deep [ __ ] but the problem is that's I you know my only problem with it is the unreal mean I shouldn't have a problem with it if it's just a dream but the unrealistic movement of the cat drove me [ __ ] crazy CU without that the whole movie is non-existent doesn't work oh right it's just a special effects movie yeah because if you Judge Dread where they all use a slow-mo did you see that one yes yeah like this is wow what this is just a commercial for that camera yeah you can't do that hey did you like Godzilla I'm going to guess yes only the end I love the end what was the end when he killed that monster yeah shh spoiler alert I just went like this and I'm holding headphones don't with these spoiler alerts you get a limited amount of time and then it's like go [ __ ] yourself ample opportunity say somebody who's a Super Bowl winner the next day yeah I'm not I can give away Star Wars at some point it's a shitty movie you have a year to watch it it wasn't that shitty you sh people hating on it so much it's like the Hipster thing dumb even Breaking Bad was like like unpleasant and it didn't do anything good he's D why is the story line in there almost said what happens to him say it all has problems no don't
do that listen it was a decent Special Effects movie and but Godzilla it Godzilla was most certainly no spoilers no spoilers most certainly the best God Zill of all time without a doubt you didn't C you didn't mind the part where he got e knocked out and buried under that building and then all of a sudden he was up and fighting again and then the next scene he was back to buried under that building nobody likes guys getting knocked out with like pistols in the movie and then getting up and then duking their way out of a bar nobody likes that more than me my those are my favorite so unrealistic I'm saying not getting up being buried under a building suddenly fighting the second moth guy and then back to buried under the building as if he never had gotten out of it yeah ridiculous yeah like it just terrible editing that really happened yeah he got out I was like wait what's happening I thought he was there's no consistency yeah they just edited it wrong well how about the dude yeah horrible the dude had like the worst luck of all time but yet the best luck yeah it was all F the main character like all these terrible things keep happening and yet he stays Al alive but Godzilla looked awesome what what I loved about Godzilla was the face was incredible I was going to ask you Tony said said that that he hated it because the face was really round and he looked very Japanese and cutesy cutesy no way I don't Tony's an evil man I think that was Tony who said that I'm pretty sure he he's the one that said that he looks Japanese and evil Tony hinchliff yeah and cuty cuty I will go with cutesie yeah Tony hinchliff um I don't know what he was thinking about it looking cutesy I thought Godzilla looked awesome it looked pretty cool I had no problem with the look I just too but that's the movie felt it felt like a bunch of people made it but like in an afternoon well it just felt like when you have a an idea that's that high concept you you can run into cut the [ __ ] moments you can run into a bunch of cut the [ __ ] moments and there was just too many of them way too many yeah I mean you could get away with doing a movie like 28 Days Later obviously they're completely different types of movie but there was no cut the [ __ ] Mo moments in that movie that movie was
hard [ __ ] one there was one dragged you into it really yeah what was one when he's in the spoiler alert oh come on it's been a [ __ ] decade and a half I think probably more what was the spoiler so he goes to that compound right with all the army people they turn cuz that's I like it realistic that's what humans would do right it's uh you know not bowsky whatever somebody's view of the world but um Ni no who's that director kubri kubri yeah he would always be like humans he'll just devolve into animals much true take away Society so that's fine but then he like releases like one zombie into the they were keeping but he's like suddenly an expert with weapons all the whole movie is like trying to figure out what's happening I love that they have no clue he's never going to try to find a cure he's not that special and then suddenly he's just got he's really awesome with a machine gun out of nowhere well how long had he been hanging out with those resistors it was too fast too fast the only moment though it was the only moment everything else was great what if he had a background in the military or some [ __ ] yeah then yeah you could explain okay that makes sense that's very cliche though the lone guy who's had a background in the military he's a loner [ __ ] Walking Dead does the same [ __ ] Carl he's been using a gun he's [ __ ] six he can shoot somebody over his father's shoulder at like 80 yards he's older now Carl's been shooting a lot of zombies you get good at [ __ ] like that kids are good at video games everyone in that world is awesome at guns I feel bad for Carl cuz he has zero chance of getting laid it's no [ __ ] for Carl poor Carl wandering around shooting [ __ ] shooting zombies he's no [ __ ] he's like some older chicks that might eventually take him would you cut would you cut I'm I'm going to change the question how long till you would um once you heard about cutting off the arms of zombies and like so they would no [ __ ] one [ __ ] one yeah um I would worry that look dude I wouldn't [ __ ] someone with AIDS imagine [ __ ] someone with a zombie it seems like people with AIDS live a lot longer than zombies people with AIDS look way better than zombies they just need some [ __ ] medication there's
modern drugs okay but I wouldn't do that would you what [ __ ] a guy who had uh who had AIDS no what about a girl who had AIDS of course not okay no of course not so why would you [ __ ] a zombie because there's nobody else to [ __ ] we have other people to [ __ ] but dude you wouldn't you but if there was no one else to [ __ ] zombie down jerk off on its back what if there was no one else oh yeah maybe just fondle his butt but you'd have a problem the butt you'd have a problem you'd still feel like a rapist imagine holding some girl zombie down she's screaming and nashing her teeth and you're trying to [ __ ] her you feel terrible what if it started screaming a different way you feel the what if you [ __ ] them and they came back to life thank you I couldn't tell you but that was a secret you had to [ __ ] me you imagine I found a cure that none of you are going to believe but I'm tell a prince a prince and a Frog telling you the girl had to kiss the Frog right the guy's got to [ __ ] the zombie and boom she comes back to like but you cut my [ __ ] arms off [ __ ] I'm so sorry I didn't know I thought you were never coming back that's a great idea for a movie and everyone just starts [ __ ] zombies and then like you have to [ __ ] the little ones too just so they become sometimes they bite you while you're doing like [ __ ] now I got to turn be called rape the undead raped yeah that would be and would raping Undead through the yeah the whole all through of the movie would be death metal just guys kicking Doors Down holding zombies down white pale asses bobbing up and down on male and female zombies just a interracial inter gender orgy of [ __ ] dead people come Health they' have to start [ __ ] whatever zombies are left go back to the compound dude's got a [ __ ] oil drum fill of Viagra I gotta fight the fight for the for our future imagine it's like between [ __ ] and biting like it's a race between the [ __ ] and the biters cuz the biters would [ __ ] you back a little bit they bite you back then the [ __ ] would F it' be like the game of aell keeps it totally would be could you imagine if the only way that you could get them to come back is to [ __ ] them you have to
[ __ ] everybody you even have to [ __ ] your enemies because you would wouldn't want them being zombies and eating your family you have to [ __ ] them come up with a bone or to [ __ ] [ __ ] your landlord that annoying lady who lives down the block with a [ __ ] yappy poodle that [ __ ] turned into a zombie you got a [ __ ] her one zombie is like making it really hard for you're like I got this one everybody would be rushing to yoga ma places God try to how long till it take you yeah how long till it take you oh yeah whoever got locked in the in the yoga whatever happened there if you get to a yoga mat oh most likely you're going to have some hot chicks in there shap zes there are zombies and that might kind of be a freak freak thing or the farts have stayed in there for too long what if the zombie just completely gave into you what if the zombie started backing up on your dick it was a female yoga zombie she started backing up on your deck and she was really into it like holy [ __ ] but still like breaches back claws at you so you got to hold her wrists but she's she's backing into you yeah would you go to yoga first with the yoga the first place I go if I was on a mission to save the world first place goore bar ASI yeah but you see it's a race between if you could [ __ ] them before they can bite you or their friends bite you so you can't go into places like a [ __ ] Korean barbecue solo plus they might eat you you don't come back at all they might eat you it's a good point it might kill you you only come you only turn into one of them if they bite you a little they bite you a little get a little blood on you I come fast so I won't be worried how fast because I'd be making an army real quick I I don't think I think you need to fill them up I think like every time you come inside of them they get like a little less zombie oh it's like Jesus more human you got to hold them down for like weeks chain them up in your basement just bang them but then the problem would be you both get addicted to having sex in that way once you'd become person yeah how long till you get hard every time you hear you would start just boner yeah maybe maybe just automatically hear that you hold the chick's hands behind her back she's like what the [ __ ] let I don't like this
Ari cut the [ __ ] oh sorry thought we were playing rape zombie what would be gross is they would all come back to life but half of them would be like missing like chunks of their NE magg up so they heal up everything's fine so she's gotten lips she's a sweet girl she draws pictures of the things she wants I like walking down if you hold them to that hand too much it just evapor like their hand breaks off in your hand but now they're a regular person they start crying and looking at their stubs that's why is that that's a thing that people are constantly worried about they're constantly worried about the zombie apocalypse that's like a a recurring theme movies [ __ ] Bible is that what it is no I don't know there's no such thing as zombies in the Bible but do you think it's because people worried that it's so loosely put together Society so loosely put together they could easily just [ __ ] up something can go wrong what would make it go wrong or some [ __ ] disease gives us rabies or something you think of things like that like oh Don't Go Near That squirrel got rabies us when 12 Monkeys came out I'm like that shit's real man that shit's real they have toxins that can like get with everybody that was a terrifying movie there's a lot of those movies how many of those Apocalypto apocalyptic movies are there fuckload of them Man 2 days later what was the rage one that was 28 Days Later yes there was a something that they a chimp disease right they manufactured it and then it got into people godamn that was a good zombie movie and they were fast as [ __ ] like oh wow it's way worse if they were really fast way better I don't know how the [ __ ] they went back to slow zombies after that 28 Days Later would be 10 times more epic if those [ __ ] were fast got rage could you imagine if those [ __ ] were fast that movie would be that show would be so running after you as fast I don't know if you could do it I mean maybe one of the elements in being able to construct these stories that take place over long periods of time is that the zombies can't be the biggest threat because if they're not the biggest threat then people sort of become the biggest threat
right cuz that show is a show about the zombies are sort of periphery at this point like what the show's really all about is people like turning on what what Walking Dead yeah right that's what it's all about yeah zombies like yeah it's just it's like a speed bump they should be nothing it should be nothing like I used to go crazy when I watched that show and they were all at the prison and they were all outside I'm like why aren't you killing them like and then one day it became a problem like what what they're right there they're pressed up against the cage occasionally you'd see them kill them but they would days on in they're out there tomato I thought about that cuz there's because they're right outside the fence you mean yeah there's there's millions of them just [ __ ] kill them every day that's what you do today dude fire that's what you do today just catch him on fire you know like just pour like hot lava that's too that's too hard why would you do that you just stab in the head you stab in the head it takes 5 Seconds that's your workout for today yeah that's your workout well if there was so many you could just mow them all down in like big portions of like see that's what you're thinking you're taking the lazy well you don't want to goddamn exercise I'm I'm thinking like one of those miners axes one of those pickaxes and you're just doing like kettle bell ex your SAU just smashing these zombie things in the the head yeah and switch you got to do a lot of lefties cuz you don't want to imbalance your back do you think you could do that could you even if it was a zombie cuz I think I'd be like too like e what are you talking about I do that right now if it was a crew of zombies I wouldn't need any preparation there are zombies up against a fence would take me 5 Seconds to stab the first zombie in the head if you gave me a nice big sword type thing and there were zombies and I had to stab them I I would immediately start stabbing zombies yeah but you would see like the human elements of them like like like a little necklace like you're like oh that necklace nope right in the brain nope that's not a little kid that's a monster Off With His Head yeah they have that I always that when somebody sees their kid no yeah whatever not me like stabby stabby I know how to
get over things and that's stabbing through the face that'll help you I help you get over it so [ __ ] up that was the most [ __ ] up part of that show where guys had like kill their wives and [ __ ] kill their family members and killed their daughters that's tough the one that guy that kept his daughter locked up he thought she was sick I kept like talking to her all the time mhm oh that's dark yeah that is dark dark dark it would be that example of it it would be that example oh that that very specific scenario would definitely take place with a lot of people it would be too hard for them to uh take and also they would also hope that one day there'd be a cure yeah yeah so we could like save them but they's carrying this threat around all the time I wonder if you could have the same show with that 28 Days Later Style no well oh just people surviving like that the zombies much faster just much faster but would the story be the same because it seems like they would be the zombies be a way bigger threat yeah they're on you at any time and then it's over yeah they were bigger threat so you couldn't have as many like relationships with people that go bad you wouldn't really get to that you'd just be scrambling for survival and these things be I'm [ __ ] Chasing After You full clip with crazy bloodshot eyes you remember that 28 Weeks Later it was pretty good too yeah it was pretty good wasn't as good but it's pretty goddamn good pretty goddamn good yeah that's a that's a realistic monster scenario not like Godzilla oh there's something that's on the ocean it's been there the whole time waiting get the [ __ ] out of here yeah we tried to kill it during World War II they were trying to kill it that's what the nuclear bomb they weren't tests they were trying to kill something so dumb soad seen the tests you dummy you could watch the animated gif online those tests that they did in the South Pacific they weren't shooting Godzilla you can't rewrite [ __ ] box movie they did that in the X-men too what they they said that Kenedy was a mutant [ __ ] stop how do you think one man got shot three times by one bullet he was trying to curve the away [ __ ] oh yeah stop you guys I can't believe you left that in the script that's one of the someone should have been you need to take it to a board
of people who like we will watch us and tell you like what's ridiculous you have just normal people like we're all sitting around smoking a joy why would he do that why would he do that we should offer that as a service the Des Squad movie review we'll sit down watch a movie together and and then give them feedback [ __ ] we listen to you assh worthless already but would give you honest feedback we won't like we we'll cuss in our feedback probably we'll be like that was [ __ ] stupid you like that guy would never do that you know what they would need they would need something where you would agree to not talk about it like if it was really bad they they would need that that's how you know a movie is going to suck when there's no uh critic reviews CU they don't put it before the critics they like you guys are going to pan it and they all know it so like when you see no ratings on Rotten Tomatoes avoid that movie the day before they know it's a piece of [ __ ] not even those people are diluted enough to think people will like this there's also weird movies that like they don't release for like years yeah they like sit on the shelf and like do you remember Antonio Banderas The 13th Warrior do you remember that M it was originally called like the Eater of the Dead it was a um God who is the [ __ ] what happen Anon Bas he just chilling man he got a lot of money just enjoying himself EA eating pineapples and drinking margaritas and [ __ ] Eaters of the Dead The 13th Warrior 6.6 yeah it was one of those movies that took a long time to come out it was a Michael kryon book oh well yeah God I think I read it either I read it or I started to read I think I started to read it but I never actually read it but it's from a long time ago the book was from 1976 really yeah the book is like way more involved though and much more like you think much creepier books are always get it better well they do so rare they don't better than this Antonio Banderas movie it was way over budget apparently oh yeah yeah how do you go over budget they only made be like I'm not paying for all that this is how much money they lost it made 62 million but the budget was more than 100 million wow a Chihuahua you know what
looks stupid is that I Frankenstein movie oh my God who said you could make that who said you could make that thought Frankenstein who said you could make that could you imagine if you sit down with the guys who wanted to make that and you go wait a minute wait a minute what having a sexy Frankenstein did you just tell me you're having a sexy Frankenstein he like y I could have swore Tomatoes I could have sworn I walked in this office you told me you wanted me invest movie in a sexy Frankenstein I did not say that listen listen listen listen listen this is what we got we got we got [ __ ] vampires okay the vampires are sexy women are going for that they are going to go what's the difference between a vampire and Frankenstein Frankenstein is actually alive now they were both dead Okay Frankenstein is alive so a sexy Frankenstein and who can pull it off I'll tell you what's his nameart yeah what it Aaron art Aaron art that's who can pull it off that is our sexy Frankenstein this is what this is what we've been missing Ari this was this is our [ __ ] Twilight so wait he's not going to like be like a big zombie anymore he's not going to be a big no no no he's beautiful he's delicious he talks well he looks like a guy who's been in a rough street fight maybe that should different that's clearly not Frankenstein hey easy with [ __ ] Dracula wasn't even allowed to go in the Sun but the Edward guy just sparkled okay you can change the rules it's it's part of fiction why was that Seattle's overcast is that how they got rid of that I don't know I think they said Seattle's over don't put don't put the VA yeah that's what it was that's why he went up there they went to Pacific Northwest cuz that's why they moved up there it never the Sun never comes out but when it does come out they glisten oh really yeah they don't die like a real [ __ ] vampire they change the rules oh that's why it's [ __ ] that's why you pull up without us getting pulled off of YouTube I don't know if it's possible see if you could pull up video of Frankenstein with no volume don't put any volume on it let's just mock how it looks it won't matter Jamie they'll still pull it all right [ __ ] it then don't do it look at it for yourself you know we need to do we need
to set it up on that thing so we can watch it without it being 4ks special.com TV yeah yeah yeah we'll do that from now on there's no copyright lies in China is this new Frankenstein movie like the same story like is he does he play like a dumb guy sex these winged creatures yeah he's making [ __ ] up they're making [ __ ] up I thought he was like oh fire no Sparkles when he goes outside it's [ __ ] it's all [ __ ] I hate that sparkle he's just and he's smoldering meanwhile how the [ __ ] is that guy still in class can you imagine you're a thousand years old you keep going to class cuz you don't want to give make anybody suspicious oh when did Columbus discover oh yeah I was alive back then 14 yeah that's right he was actually this like the Spanish Flu that killed him which was I think in the 1900s killed who Edward oh really from Twilight so he died flu big Spanish flu killed the vampire the vampire he got vamped right around the same time that's how he stayed alive forever oh oh same time back in the Spanish Flu days oh okay so he's only been around for like a 100 years or so he's old enough to know that he shouldn't be in high school anymore [ __ ] idiot yeah trying to pretend it's like the idea is that he died when he was in high school so we keep him in high school forever better no why how about you just grow a beard you how about you say oh actually I'm older than I look yeah just say I look young for my age hey don't that that was something that I read today online um where it was showing how many Asian women could be like almost 50 and they look like they're 20 years old is that really true you just got back from China oh if they look 50 oh they look younger not 20 but they look super young they look like 50 looks like 30 I'd say that wow yeah they stay in shape low low low sugar diets low sugar diets and they stay in shape yeah they walk around a lot at least in the few cities I went to hm I know a couple girls that are like their skin is good 45 and I mean they look pretty sexy yeah Asian girls keep it for a while yeah why is that you think I don't know I think it's just better genetics that way food more alien DNA just that type of DNA that's my theory it's just the type that stays
young longer Jews have the kind that makes you smarter okay Asians have the kind that makes you look how did Black don't crack without without at risk of sounding really racist yeah although I'm not start recording now if you start if you look at all the different races and obviously there's some sort of biological explanation for this but how the [ __ ] did so many Asian people have such similar features how the [ __ ] did so many African people have such similar features how do I start yeah I mean it's amazing if it's amazing when you look around at how many Chinese people have black hair and similar skin tone how many black people have that hair and similar skin tone you know how many how I mean it's amazing yeah was whites have a variety well people who are of mixed race you know like like my family a lot of it comes from Sicily you remember that scene from uh Romance the Moors the mo but I think the Moors were spartic people I'm not sure it's like Morocco breeds of dogs all [ __ ] all Shih Tzus look like Shih Tzus all white people look like muts right now here's what's weird because breeds of dog were engineered that's why it's crazy like breeds of dogs originally were all wolves all dogs were at one point in time who knows how many thousands of years ago they don't have no idea like when people started domesticating dogs but they assumed that it was right around the time civilization was invented whenever that was really and that's when breeds became a thing yeah it's like 10,000 years of breeding that's what you're looking at when you look at a shih TSU when you look at a husky when you look at a wolf they're it's the same animal wow it started off the same animal like what dog dog that's it that's they're all they all come from wolves which is the weirdest thing English bu a wolf who was like let's get the two coolest wolves well they had an episode about it on the cosmos it was really fascinating that Co the cosmos show have you watched that no God damn it's good so good and it pisses off religious people oh my goodness they're like well we want we want the uh the uh whatever Theory explained too and that have equal yeah and he goes why would I include that there's no scientific basis for it what are you talking about what are you we're talking about science I
love him yeah he's awesome he's awesome as [ __ ] I'm not talking about that what happened was apparently according to the cosmos is that some wolves got friendlier with people because the people would feed them and then they kept coming around the people would feed them they developed a relationship but then those wolves would Chase off the other wolves and then they they only bred with the wolves that were friendly nice Wolves yeah the those wolves eventually became dogs wow over who knows how many thousands of years selective breeding bringing certain dogs that wolves that behaved in certain ways together I mean I don't know how many generations it took to do it yeah me neither but yeah that's what that's what humans are yep that's what we're like do you tell my new theory about why black people are late yeah listen so you've heard about black people time and how they just they're late I have no idea what you're talking about that's a racial stereotype I've never heard it if you haven't heard now you heard listen I never say anything bad about black people like Don Bar says there's only one race the human race oh you sweet um cuz when you were slaves you time didn't matter at all what about Jamaicans they're on time Jamaicans are slaves too aren't they I think they were slaves it's a poor example any black people over here what about Africans actual Africans yeah they're they're hardworking people some of the hardest working people you'll ever hire are African Africans those are the drug dealers in uh in h in uh uh Beijing and Hong Kong are you ratting them out on on the podcast just like that well the black people oh you're ratting them out I guess so how dare you as a race dude you shouldn't do that cuz I bet the Chinese authorities had no idea they know I bet it was a complete mystery cracked by Ari shafir on The Joe Rogan podcast he explained imagine if they got angry and they started going after you this is something that you would think about way too much pot yeah if you ate like way too much pot cook you like why did I give up the fact that they were drug dealers what the [ __ ] I'm such an idiot
oh my God what was I thinking oh my God I ratted out all the drug dealers the guy from the podcast I saw your podcast you think it's for you want drugs from me I would yes I'd love some imagine that [ __ ] dude you'd be tripping now you get none no they would kill you oh yeah serve you that's worse than not selling you how many how many weeks were you over there uh two and a half and you you were in China you were in Singapore no no just making Shina Vietnam did you go to Africa Shanghai South America Shanghai and a few cities around there Beijing and then uh and then Hong Kong so what was the biggest city out of those Shanghai shanghai's huge right 24 million people oh my God and one of New York 24 million right yeah Manhattan has nine but I mean like New York stuffed in there enormous stuffed in there stuffed in there's a few places with like one story things but not much everything's just tall buildings because LA's 20 million people but the good news is they're flat out the flattened out I think alleviates a little bit of pressure shangai was completely flat so but it's low like building buildings and stuff oh all short buildings no I'm saying actually the ground is flat so you can bike around really easily and walk that's not what I meant I meant um that they stack on top of each other yeah they have yeah see that's the difference between New York and La New York doesn't really have those yeah excuse me La doesn't really have those 100% safe no one's doing anything to anybody like La has the those those apartments on Wilshire a few it's like Century City yeah they didn't really have it fairly big like 16 floors yeah did they did they like Americans or did you feel like they uh didn't care that you were there they generally well the the shows I played to were like for xats it was like 15 20% Americans so what was the was the rest of it was Chinese no the rest was English Australians wow um and the they're cool I mean they're a little bit conservative because they don't have any plumbers that are over there you know they have like people that work for the embassy or or people that like work for banks right so the people are a little more conservative and like smarter but they're they're adventurous people right people that go work in Shanghai or in
Hong Kong instead of where they from it's like you guys are the cool people that want to do stuff that's a good way of looking at it I mean it was they were all cool or running from the law in other countries those are off in the good people as well yeah that's crazy so who said this well you don't have to tell me the person's name but so you had your agent set this all IDE roads talked to my agent at an airport and he tells him he goes on those things and he got me and Schubert Schubert went to time wow um yeah so it's just these scenes they start their own scene and then they'll bring out a guy to do their four rooms and then they'll team up with another guy in another scene wow and these guys fly from America no there is and this is the coolest part there are brand new comedy scenes starting from scratch in China in China whoa both in Chinese now and uh English speaking wow and the people that are already there they're working for banks they're working as teachers and then they see a show and somebody goes hey guess what everybody there's going to be an open mic next Thursday because they found some bar that'll allow it wow and um and then somebody tries so these people there like longest is like three years that's amazing yeah it's all starting from scratch there's no rules there's no like this is the way it is you have to wait till these guys move on then you there's not there's nowhere to learn from either other than YouTube that's so cool that's great yeah that's amazing from scratch it was really exciting what if they take over imagine imagine if China takes over and becomes like the number one comedy community World hilarious but but China has this style of Comedy that's like this like Thousand-Year old like aboc and Costello with like Cadence changes so the the new guys that are speak both are like trying to do like regular style comedy right and people like wait what is I don't understand what you're doing oh so it's a Cadence issue yeah it's like way different than they're used to I saw a guy there's a uh video about a guy from Canada who moved to China and became a comedian he was a comedian in America but he learn Chinese really yeah learn Chinese speaks you know which one mandrin I don't know which one yeah but
there people have done that Dez Bishop did it for last year took a bunch of Chinese Mandarin classes really Chinese who's this Dez Bishop he's uh he's big in Ireland but he's from New York originally wow and he just I think he did a show that's a ballsy move it's a ballsy move just let live in Beijing for a year now he's in his second year do you imagine going from not speaking Chinese to speaking Chinese for a [ __ ] living in front of Chinese people language and like it's making fun of the alphabet and like and like why the certain symbols look like certain things wow yeah and how like how difficult is it to learn how to talk in that language he said you got to write new you can't translate your bits you got to write new bits for it because the references are so off that it just it just won't wow and it was a lot of it like something's really big in like Chinese stuff culture is losing face like way bigger than you would think embarrassed you mean yeah but like losing faces like like say I'm trying to pay for a meal and you're like no I got it I'm like no no I got it you're like no no I can pay I'm like i' be like hey man you got to let me do this here right I put my card out like you got to let me do this you can't embarrass me in front of these people oh it's more than just like slight embarrassment that's another reason why there's less crime is cuz people are like what am I going to get caught [ __ ] shoplifting oh that's cool you know how embarrassed I'll be they go out of the way to not be that person so is there statistically less crime like than America so safe Shanghai you can walk they say women can walk 3:30 in the morning drunk and no one's touching them wow the only violence is acts of rebellion against this country whoa against that country I mean yeah where people take out machetes and [ __ ] hack up a majang game which they show on the Subways by the way they show majang games on the Subways no they show majang games getting hacked by these [ __ ] Wagers what do you mean in South China these Wagers are rebelling okay they're the 7% minority ethnically what are they what's a weager I don't know it's a different ethnic group I'm not fully sure I think w i e g r but it might be we g
r sounds you could put ethnic w e and it'll probably come up comes up a gun yeah they look a little different they have different food and um they're 7% and in some cities like 1% but they don't I don't know they don't like they want to break off or something so they they're the ones who got the big stabbings that were going on and there these videos of this Majong PL game going on and this guy just lifts up his shirt pulls out an axe a little hand axe and just starts axing this guy and then the other guy who's also watching he's like oh it's on and he just picks up his shirt and starts [ __ ] axing these people yeah then everyone like this Mayhem somebody like there what they try to tackle him he comes back tries to ask this girl a few more times then they chase him down weager the way it's spelled it's a very unusual it's spelled u y g h u r wow I would not gu that say that again u y g h u r wow it's also spelled in another instance UI g h u r so u y or UI and they're Chinese Muslims yeah they're always starting the trouble the Muslims always with the violence damn yeah but they showed this on the on the subway and it's like with kids there and it's like Jesus they really I mean they blur it right as the hacking like goes on like goes into the head and stuff God oh my God so you can see that when you're on the on the train yeah they show everybody now they have complete control over the media of all the media so the the government has complete control yeah and it's not hidden like what does that feel like what does that feel like uh well they kind of don't know that they really getting the real story so like they say it's the wegers but I you know how there's like rumors like I don't know what Al-Qaeda is and what the other one is it's like they say that but who knows what that really is Right Al what's the other group alqaeda and Taliban yeah and like but there they just like we really don't know um but you know it's different than here and it's the same as here it's like they were going to put chips in all the computers so that you couldn't go on sites that uh China didn't allow you can't go to Google but you can go on a VPN and just go through a different
server and get all the stuff you know Google's very concerned about China oh yeah they're concerned also other companies are concerned about China because China will just copy [ __ ] oh absolutely like they have fake Apple stores that are just totally F fake app stores my friend who's Turner Sparks who who's helping running the scene in Shanghai so he's bring Mr Softy to China he got like a licensing agreement the ice cream yeah he's bringing these Mr Softy trucks out there and they're starting to do good and then someone else will just paint up another van exactly like Mr Softy the same exact colors serve the same things and just park it right in front of his Mr Softy van wow it just looks like he put two Vans there together at the same time wow and the government doesn't do anything cuz like what what they do you had a good idea now now they're now they're doing it that's amazing yeah that's amazing yeah hard that you don't think in terms of copyright laws yeah they don't think in terms of litigation either right it's just a totally different kind of culture as far as like our constant suing of each other back and forth I don't know about that I don't know I'm not sure maybe hm I wonder it's interesting when you see that though I mean it's got to be really fascinating for you to come from our American culture and be immersed in their culture for three weeks I've never done that before it was cool I've been to Brazil for a few days but a lot of Brazilians speak English that's like seven eight nine days though it started to become like normalized a little bit and it was like I could really observe stuff plus I got a little lonely so I can make friends easier you know once you need to right did you stay how long did you stay in the same place Shanghai was the first night and went to like suburbs of Shanghai for for a few days and then back to Shanghai for two days they have a proper club called Kung Fu comedy which is like listen you proper saying proper like an Englishman but I mean yeah it's like it works as a club there's one room that looks like the belly room and it's just like oh this is a cool place wow other places were bars where they try to set it up you know that's cool man but it's all these expats who need something English
speaking it's kind of like The The Uso tours you ever hear about that where they're like always really thankful yeah it's like that no hecklers wow they're just so happy that there's English-speaking comedy and how many of those people knew you from online zero no no no not zero like a couple every other show most people were just there because they're checking out new Comics that come into town every week yeah had some guys like man I'm a big fan he was like oh thanks he goes yeah I checked out those videos on the website that they they showed I was like oh that means you saw who's playing and then you watch the V you're not a big fan that that's okay but he became a big fan super recently yeah it's like it wasn't like excited there was some like uh podcast listeners you know a few here or there that one show in Shanghai had like seven or eight wow couple so Shanghai is just developing a reputation like this these scenes are developing reputation for bringing funny people around so folks just come out to see who the new guy is yeah and it's like once a month they can bring in an out of towerer wow and the scene starts but you can only do the the room like twice with any joke before they're like yeah we've all seen it man oh you're drawing from a city of 50,000 tops wow in a city of 24 million there's 50,000 English speakers so do they write a lot there they have to but you know the open mic days that's how you did it anyway You' write a lot every week you'd be like performing in front of the same guys got to come with new joke that's the worst when it's almost all comics in the room and just a couple audience members but the the comics have all seen your [ __ ] before you can't even do a tagline we're not going with you for seven minutes for your one new bit Yeah your barely new tagline it's just a better version of it old tagline yeah you can't do it you see my new tagline it's not really it's just better it's not that new just [ __ ] I've seor act 100 times just riffing up there just riing that's the worst though when you're [ __ ] there's no one in the audience it's beaten down and tired and you know there's more comics in the audience than the audience is yeah so you got to like yeah so shanghai's just emerging yeah and they have a city outside they're like like a 40-minute bullet train
outside there called sujo that had this real small town feel 10 million people oh my God a small town field everything closed early that's insane 10 million people and everything closed early so is it like Chicago sized 10 million that's bigger than Manhattan Shanghai I mean SoJO sujo is when they say Manhattan do they they 9 million people on the island only the island yeah we're not talking about the actual full City do they ever actually say that or do they say New York City the tribar or something is that is that I don't know right I don't know what New York City means the five burrows yeah it's not Tri burrow it's five burs it's Long Island Queens Brooklyn Staten Island Bridge said it yeah maybe is that how you say it I don't know what the [ __ ] do I I don't know but I I don't I never know if they're just talking about only the island of Manhattan or the greater New York like when someone says New York City the Bronx is New York City yeah van is part of La yeah right right it shouldn't have to be in like just there yeah sort of it's sort of the same kind of thing but if you picture just Manhattan this is bigger than that well that's also a lot of people I remember the first time I came to Manhattan I was driving from Boston I think I'd been there once before for a karate tournament but I was like 16 and I didn't really remember it that much and I somebody else was driving you know it was like one of those experiences I was really young so I was there for uh comedy and the first time I drove I drove up the Westside Highway those was the that was the first time I ever saw the skyline which is pretty dramatic on the West Side Highway Jes he look like like the Death Star I was like this is the craziest thing I was so intimidated it's pretty big so intimidated pretty overwhelming I was like I can't believe how big this city is it's insane when I got back after 3 weeks I was like oh yeah I was like [ __ ] immense all those buildings it's immense it's just Insanity did you feel that when you were in China was there yeah yeah which places in sujo too they had they had a they needed a financial district and so they had these rice patties like right across the field 20 years ago all rice patties and they're like let's make a financial district and
there's now this 50 skyscrapers wow they just F them in they don't have to like vote they don't have to do referendums they don't have to wait until it's an election year to show they're doing anything did you go any of those cities that were crazy polluted Shanghai how bad it's bad it's bad now I wasn't there one of the awful days where Dez Bishop that the Irish guy in Beijing who not as bad as Shanghai but still real bad he says um I mean everywhere wears masks tons of people wear masks not everyone 40% of the people wear masks whoa they see what they everyone has an app on their phone for pollution oh and so I was in the unhealthy range pretty much while I was there but if he gets to worse than that he goes you wake up in the morning and felt like you smoked all night so the app recognizes the air or tells you what the tells you what the air quality is so then they won't like bike to work if it's real bad they'll take a bus [ __ ] yeah so you have these tissue papers they give you everyone has at all times to wipe they try to be S yeah because after SARS everyone started wearing like people are concerned with spreading it to others too so there's no spitting allowed anymore do you know that there's spread of Ms that's going on now oh yeah they have signs up for that at every train station they're like do not bring anything else in we don't want don't bring your [ __ ] chickens in yep livestock yeah and uh people kiss their livestock sometimes really dudes kiss their camels trying to get guys to stop kissing their camel guys people are dying [ __ ] your Superstition don't be kissing your camel anymore okay then riding on a train superstitious and what I mean how long does it take before like some of the more ridicul like we were talking earlier about the ideas of kosher the original Origins for it were pretty pretty smart you know it's pretty smart to not eat pigs if all these people are dying and getting sick but how long does it take before those just totally go away how long before we have no superstitions 100 years I don't know new ones will come in do you think so throwing the salt over the shoulder when of that come that's not not everybody does that [ __ ] that's some [ __ ] that what when do you think that that
ends 500 years now hopefully it'll be done by then God hopefully it's got to happen right it seems like we're moving that way but it's natural to feel like every time I would do that growing up I'd be like I just believe in sudden superstitions that I thought of mhm yeah I did tattoo yeah we all did it it was like a thing remember do you ever do one of those things where if I step on this crack my whole family might die yeah my mom's back broke yeah or you try to avoid that avoid cracks for whatever reason but you like really keep like why what are you doing well when you're confused about the nature of reality you think think it's very mystical maybe this how you control it like no that's not how you control it well I've always wondered if like the real Origins for superstitions like that in children are that children have a more honest awareness of the nature of reality itself is that it's malleable and that things you can alter the way things go but you think about it in Stupid Ways like stepping on a crack but it might be the way you act or think or behave and you feel that you sense it but you can't sort of communicate it correctly process the thoughts can't process it can't put it into Conta so instead you worry about stepping on cracks and breaking people's backs you you you feel this sense that you have some sort of a weird weird ability to affect and change your destiny based on decisions that you make yeah when the cat uh goes across the street in front of you do you still get at least like plus one think ladder ladder when I see a ladder I'll usually move around it the other way instead of like what the [ __ ] does this matter well here's a perfect example of that um I'm I was kind of superstitious when I was kid but I've always loved cats and I've always had cats and I've always had black cats so I never gave a [ __ ] about black cats so when a black cat would go across the street I would never think oh my God I'm [ __ ] I'd be like [ __ ] you that's a cat it's just a cat man give that cat a little bowl of tuna fish and pet it be purring it's just a cat L of straight cats in be bad luck he's a [ __ ] animal he's having a good time leave him alone southern white guy made that thing up probably about the black hatat it's probably some racist [ __ ] I think it's just a fear thing I think
people are afraid yeah it's witches it represents witches right black cats CED we're scared of what we can't see yeah some [ __ ] glowing eyes running across the road in front of your car cuz it's about a car right isn't it what no black cat crosses your path you on a bicycle what do you want no walking you're just walking anytime they're walk in front of you that to I was thinking of his car old Disney thing with that with a superstitious guy somebody he has one of those umbrella canes and he like moves the cat backwards so it won't so even walking like do you think that's when he was created or was yeah I think it was created then for walking days maybe horses would freak out and they see a cat run across them and people fell possibly and blend into the Shadows so it just saw something mov and people fell and got [ __ ] up so now figured it out fact could be it or you could [ __ ] your pants and fall on your rake yeah and you [ __ ] die CU you you don't know what staff infection is back then that's another way to die dude what what I saw a guy first day whenever someone says dude you got to give him the floor bro he had this leg had purple from like just below the knee all the way to and this and the guy was taking me around like don't don't look at and I started not look I'm like how am I not going to look I'm just started here it was a purple ring about that big and inside the purple ring was like a yellow ring and then inside that was like a little bone oh my God so he was just eating him up yeah I mean they're homeless are legit whoa yeah they didn't have to say anything they just let their their [ __ ] they show it they don't tell it oh my God yeah but they don't have much homeless that was the only guy I ever saw in Shanghai that was homeless first day he's got a legit excuse yeah your your leg is wasting away what are you do like he ain't G to he's probably already dead did you have a new found appreciation for America when you reled and are you ready to say a pledge of allegiance right now I'll tell you what man there were some things where I felt a lot more free you can buy buy a beer and walk down the street and drink it like a man do that in New Orleans go to New Orleans New Orleans Vegas yeah not really in Vegas smoke a joint too I think outside
don't they stop you outside no you can walk around any Drive Vegas come on it's 40 minutes away from [ __ ] Burbank those place is nice but it's not a safe it's not a safe smoke a joint they don't know what weed smells like the cops have no reference point what are you talking about they have no reference point they don't know what it smells like now I just solved the whole puzzle they don't know what it even smells like country is confused as [ __ ] did you imagine they've kept weed from a whole country little yeah there's so little of it w that's amazing yeah what would happen if we' spread through that country like wild get you get it people have it yeah but what would happen if weed spread through that country like like wildfire if R shafir became a weed evangelist for China and got it going but not there don't go there do it all through email oh yeah yeah exactly yeah you don't want actually petition that's they'll [ __ ] get you dude they'll get you don't test them they have they're going to fight tooth and nail to keep their silly cultures keep kissing their camels and [ __ ] they'll throw you in a hole for like kiss their [ __ ] camels man their kids [ __ ] in the streets Ms their kids [ __ ] in the streets they come their pants are cut down the middle so that allows them to oh my God no way yeah they have these loose shorts like skirs and then and then if they're squatting you can just see their little dicks and they train their kids I saw one of them in like a market she was like like motioning to him you can tell what motions are you know things are Universal and the kid kept looking back confused go yeah yeah yeah do it and he like pulled his pants she goes yeah and then he just pissed in the street finally and I was just like [ __ ] in the street no you only saw him piss it had to smell like [ __ ] they had they cut all the way to the back they're just allowed as [ __ ] it stink yeah the bathroom smells so bad the bathroom smells so bad from pollution I think just from polluted water just polluted water makes it smell bad and also they don't they don't what you can't even say it I know look at him he just died thinking about it they have a lot of toilets there's just no toilet it's just a hole it's just a porcelain
hole it's a shy one yeah you have to squat you have a squat supposedly that's better for your bowels supposedly that face that face supposedly I was in the Forbidden City I was walking around there with the Emperor's Palace yeah and I got bad diarrhea it was bad like sweating like I got to F [ __ ] and then there's a picture toilet you you go in there and you [ __ ] run and it smells as soon as you cross the threshold of of the bathroom it smells horrible and you open up the First toy the stall door and your mind can't even register at first like this must be under construction oh no because there's no toilet here so that's the only explanation oh my God and then you go to the next one and you're like what oh is [ __ ] no there's no paper what watch with your hand well first I just said I'm not doing this I'm not I walked away oh my God I was like I took like two steps out of the bathroom and I was like oh yeah diarrhea what do you mean I'm not doing it of course I'm doing it so you went back in and washed your butt is that what you have to do so they so this guy who owned the owned the bar the club was in in Shanghai gave me this these this tissue packet and he goes you'll need it I thought it was for pollution and he goes you'll need this and I I just had it yeah and then it was like oh yeah you got to pull your pants all the way down squat over it but also try not to [ __ ] into your pants so you got like lean back you can't go over the balls of your feet go over your heel yeah I don't know there's probably a better way what do you do with the explosive diarrhea though that seems like you're going to miss blasted into that hole you're you're you're H over hole you're like half a foot over the hole is that good for your quads it's good for your core that definitely core feel I would feel like that would really work your core a lot and there's no air conditioning it's so hot that would work your resolve yeah that's why the Asians are thin maybe it's not the low sugar diet does the [ __ ] hit your [ __ ] your hit your ankles though cuz I mean I have explosive diarrhea feels like I'm just going to hit my Fe picture this picture this I'm down okay right now so like your your ass is right
it's like over the hole filling the hole essentially your feet if you're moved far enough away what do you do if you have bad knees ow you do after that everyone has it after that but I sit like that all the time that's how Asians just squat eat all the time I do that sometimes I sit my like that yeah sure once in a while good for your back this just happened last week in China uh in one of those toilets somebody dropped their brand new phone in the toilet and so the husband went to go in there and grab it passed out because of the fumes and then the woman tried to grab the guy out she passed out two people died three injured falling that's like stand by me where they're all barfing oh my God all [ __ ] yeah we have it so good in America Dick Cheney's right they have those they have those they have those [ __ ] on the train when it's moving around and stuff they have those [ __ ] dude Dick Cheney's right I open up my tissue packet what what did he say she's right we have we're the best it sounds like At first I was kind of jealous but now I don't want to would never even go there some place real toilets like in the hotels it was fine in the bars it's fine but like in a lot of you just don't know it's going to be one of those oh and they have like six or seven tissues in there so suddenly you like got a budget prostitutes hot chicks how was that part of it did you see there prostitutes in I went to the area in Hong Kong I didn't get any right but I went to the area in Hong Kong they grab at you really yeah they they want your business no a couple of them were hot a lot of them were just like older Chinese ladies that look weathered o yeah o here's something interesting Hong Kong they don't call it China you got to use your visa to go between them even though it's been given back it hasn't been fully given back yet it used to be English yeah for 100 years how did they give a how did they let that happen they gave it back they said they we get it for 150 years imagine if Puerto Ricans asked for Puerto Rico back we'd be like no no way but that was always the deal we want Hawaii back they've wanted Hawaii back forever yeah no you're not getting back we want to take Alaska mm- no Alaska should be its own country but at this point at this point if China was like if Britain was
like no you don't get it back China's like you really want to do this yeah cuz if you want to go we'll go we'll go we'll go in a crazy way we signed a contract we'll abide by that but it's time not going to lose Faith but all the Hong Kong people they look at the mainlanders mainlanders is like an insult they look at them as like the garbage people really yeah they're like they all [ __ ] in malls who and they carry [ __ ] raw turkeys in their back when they go all the MS that's all them whoa hell yeah they view them as like real underlings yeah wow I was told that that it was racist against other Chinese but I was like no way how can it be and I I was like wow you're right deeply deeply W like the north but think of like the South but way worse than that whoow yeah but I'll tell you what if there's if if someone shited them all it was a mainlander who yeah like that's just it doesn't mean they're all like that but that's that thinking comes from there what seems like their reality is just far more sparse right there's far far fewer resources there's too many people well what is it that's causing them to behave in such a well they had a lot of revolution in the last like not that many years like the old people they walk around like you know that walk where they put your hand behind your back and clasp it and just like stroll yeah they're like none of my friends are getting shot in the face you know at a firing squad like they've lived through some like bad times so they're calm yeah they're like we're safe they're baiting you with a Cura trying to bait trying to get you to go into it yeah if you go to that Kamura a lot of guys have good defense and they they that set up that far side arm bar you don't control the body they'll just trip you get you to the ground yeah I don't know what that is I don't know what it is Hong Kong's pretty built up too hm that's fascinating they're all Bankers it's the English uh influence so the English influence was it they're driving the other side of the street they drive like English and China drives like us yeah except they don't drive like us they're pedestrians they're I mean it's like if you're crossing the street like this and you know they're making a right turn if they see a hole big enough for their car
they're taking it those mopeds are just shooting in and out through traffic through like pedestrians how many people get hit they said tons all the time I didn't see any but they say tons [ __ ] that did you walk across that [ __ ] oh all the time oh my God you have to just keep walking and know you see me you're going to move or you see my angle you want to like stop and it you got to like give them timing you just got yeah you just got to go you don't just trust them not hit you got to trust their timing yeah they like they see where you are I see where you're not going to be in like two seconds I'll go where you are now don't don't stop walking in the middle of the street text in characters while they're driving like thatz could you imagine their texting must be so much more complicated than ours they're drawing little pictures they do text in characters oh my God so they texting characters and they drive like that and they all they at night especially the cab drivers to save battery they'll turn off their lights they'll drive their lights say it say battery they drive without their lights and all but the darkest cloudiest nights oh my God that's the scariest thing I've ever heard of my life like it's in the city you can pretty much see you're just walking across the street and you have to hope that they can see you well enough to time you they have such bad ideas about they'll turn off their motor at red lights because I think that saves oh god well it does you know turn off turn on over and over again no it doesn't prus no it's a new feature on a lot of cars what they shut off at stop lights really Porsches have it and it doesn't doesn't that take the most gas to start up again no it's like an instant start up again the the the engine goes into like some sort of sustained hibernation or some [ __ ] but it essentially shuts the engine off it's an option though you can turn it off or on and it's how they beat emission standards wow like they want to like P so over time it doesn't maybe for every five minutes we're worse but over like 10 minutes we're we're better if you read those things where it says like how much what's the miles per gallon that like a car gets that's only driving like a really sane calm person that doesn't take any risks you're driving like super
slow you're observing the speed limit slowly accelerate up to whatever uh speed you want to go to look at that look at that that's how they cross the street that is [ __ ] insane that's how you just have to cross the street that is [ __ ] insane that's he's on a crosswalk oh my God that is [ __ ] insane they're just like man those are just white paint on a road that's got nothing to do with that is [ __ ] insane wow it's hard to watch I get anxiety that's crazy so many of those mupp heads too i r one of those [ __ ] drunk late at night oh if those hit you that would suck hard too yeah they hit they they're solid do you come close at all did anybody come close to hitting you no I mean I wasn't like I didn't skim one at all but I I could feel the breeze go by oh my God God definitely damn what was your favorite place um I don't know Hong Kong was a lot of fun Shanghai was a lot of fun too is Hong Kong better uh air oh yeah it's cleaner definitely we went on a junk boat in Hong Kong like like the day before I left day before the last day and uh just jumped off into the into the like the bay and stuff it was [ __ ] awesome sood is essentially just different but both cool yeah both cool [ __ ] swam that's a perfect mix of like beer Tha food a little bit of acid and just [ __ ] jellyfish came up at some point and you went in the ocean yeah wow thi food beer and acid yeah and Jellyfish yeah the jellyfish came in it got a little more dangerous but we just kept jumping in and if jellyfish get you you're [ __ ] you're just in a lot of pain for two days two days and you'll be scarred even my my ex had it on her neck and it was just this huge like burn they teach them how to like get it out you got to take a credit card scrape it out that's the hottest of pot loads it's the Hott Lo they said it was going to last like six months that's what loads do they burn you for about 6 months so they Mark you up nobody else can get you they don't swim real fast though go fast mine go fast bro mine are like sprin you don't know you don't know my line there's uh one in Australia that kills people on a regular basis yeah kills people and they have these um these emergency stations that they have set up on the beach where they have
these giant jugs of vinegar I don't know why vinegar yeah you pour it on like maybe they let go or something I don't know I think I should probably Google that this one comic Sean got got stung the year before yeah and they said they austral cup and then pour it over it yeah yeah but then they Saturday they found out later that's not the way to that's actually not a thing oh yeah Australia has a lot of [ __ ] really really yeah how far weighs China from Australia uh it's not that far it's not as far as we are from Australia I don't think from Sydney I think they're closer to Sydney than we are really yeah they're South but like straight down south there's a ton of Asians in Australia there's a box jellyfish it's no bigger than your fingernail and it can kill you it's hard to spot yeah even when you haven't bitten your nails lately no bigger than your fingernail and it can kill you I got to pee real bad go pee I'm freaking out about a box jellyfish [ __ ] mat match stick look at that [ __ ] look at that [ __ ] Brian pull that [ __ ] up box jellyfish just pull up box jellyfish no bigger than your fingernail can kill you in the blink of an eye by the way [ __ ] just when I starting to relax where does this live is it really rare Australia man it's just really rare wow look at that oops look at that [ __ ] wow that's how big that is size of a goddamn fingernail and it can kill you in seconds that is not cool look at that upon further research this itty bitty jelly is so cute that it might kill you no really and not from the sheer adorableness of it but from its insanely poisonous Sting the species box jellyfish was described as recently as 2007 wow so they didn't know about it the species of box jellyfish was described as recently as 2007 after a 44-year-old American Tourist of course by the name of Robert King was swimming in Australia Waters and encounter this minute box jellyfish he was stung and died soon after that's where the name of common King Slayer comes from after robertt that's the guy's name wow they called this [ __ ] jellyfish a king Slayer because it killed this guy
named Robert King they didn't know about this jellyfish until 2007 so this guy St got stung he died from a tiny jellyfish they didn't even know about can't spot it it's size of your fingernails look at the look at the images of it Brian pull up some of the images there some of them where they have one in a test little tiny test tube up all over Australia especially Sydney just died I don't know where it is man I'm just making [ __ ] up oh but it's in Australia somewhere especially Sydney cuz some might be um look at the size of that you see how tiny it is wow that thing can kill you and it didn't kill a guy until 2007 and so they decided to call it the common King Slayer that's what it's called now that's pretty wild because it killed that guy named Robert King it didn't kill anybody till then nope they didn't even about contact with humans they never knew about it oh look this is this is from a box jellyfish m [ __ ] that's a lot of Sting oh my God they said this one girl it wrapped around it didn't just sting you once it wrapped around and held on and then all the things all the bars are going into you well this is a type of box jellyfish they've known about box jellyfishes for a while but this type of box jellyfish the common King Slayer was discovered as recently first described as recently as 2007 wow so they didn't know about it until this guy got [ __ ] up by it oh Ste is it on him God Ste went to this uh Beach where there's just tons of jellyfish and he just started putting them on his head over over again yeah it's a great video check it out how does he know which ones they are they tell that [ __ ] guy that that wild man guy they they would tell him all the time yeah what was his name The Old Man Manny Manny yeah Manny was cool did steo actually put like a poisonous jellyfish on him oh they he got stung from it yeah absolutely not like that guy that got St by the box jellyfish not the box jellyfish not poison they took chances in that show yeah that is so weird man it's so weird that these things exist that can kill you so easily oh that's so weird it's just weird that these things exist that have venom in them you know yeah there's no antivenom for box jellyfish for these box jellyfish a little tiny ones there's none only
symptoms can be treated which can last from hours to uh to weeks weeks of symptoms if you live [ __ ] yeah you're going to be researching jellyfish for the next month this is crazy this is this is really funny part of this is what what it does to you this is really interesting the severe symptoms don't breath their ugly heads until about 5 to 120 Minutes 30 minutes on average the uh some syndrome it's characterized by severe pains at various parts of the body typically excruciating muscle cramps in the arms and legs severe pain in the back and kidneys a burning sensation of the skin and face headaches nausea restlessness sweating vomiting increase in heart rate and blood pressure and last but certainly not least a psychological phenomenon which cons consists of the feeling of impending doom well it sounds like with all that other [ __ ] of course you would think that it does you're dying it does sound like that how is that even like an additional a sympt it's not it's like you're dying man you're getting jacked think about all that [ __ ] severe pain excruciating muscle cramps severe pain in back and kidneys burning sensation of skin and face headaches nausea you you're dying yeah vomiting you're [ __ ] dying but who wouldn't You' have to be the cockiest [ __ ] ever to be like off bro these [ __ ] box jellyfish ain't killing me dude this is like a it's like a cold I had a cold my grandfather swam here every day he didn't get no box jellyfish thing this is incredible it's scary scary as [ __ ] that nature creates these little things like that that could just Jack you just ja probably some Goldfish can eat it fine not get not going trouble probably feeds off of it right it's probably some shitty bird that comes down we see fish eating like eating at one of them and it was trying was like trying to get out of there so it have to dive the get a jellyfish so fish do eat jellyfish yeah I mean it has to be what they created I mean they must have created this toxin to avoid predation that's a good question Souls they serve jellyfish they serve jellyfish some the restaurants you eat it yeah I didn't get any getting other stuff can we play the steo video
or that get us yanked from YouTube probably get yanked from YouTube steo wouldn't do that to us who owns the steo footage though he he'll be happy if he show yeah okay let's show it then I want to see him get [ __ ] up I'm trying to get did you ever see the video of steo when he's up in a tree and uh lions come up to him they swiping and barely missing his butt no they they SWAT his hat they took his hat he had like one of those Mexican Farm worker hats you know those straw hats those dud like to wear and he's up in this tree and this this lion runs up to him in the tree just runs up the tree he checking him out a female lion and she like bites his hat she doesn't bite him she bites his hat he's like stuck up there in the tree it is the most terrifying thing anybody that I've ever met has ever done God was that the guy who died his his buddy from that show wild boys Ste St was alive no the the other guy wild boys yeah and that's what killed him no he [ __ ] car crash no the the guy who died in a car crash was one of the the guys from the other show Jack wasn't yeah it wasn't from Wild Boys he died speeding drunk in a Porsche yeah yeah that's a lame not from all that other crazy [ __ ] not from all the other crazy stuff with the chances I mean they just those guys just every day would risk their lives I mean that was Johnny Knoxville was a goddamn movie star and he's putting a bandana over his eyes and letting a bull throw him through the air yeah that is the nuts nuttiest [ __ ] [ __ ] you talk about the best comedies you're like oh what are there any good comedies lately you may mentioned three or four all three of those jackasses were [ __ ] awesome tremendous awesome just laughs every 10 seconds did you see the new one with the old man no what is it called Bad Grandpa Bad Grandpa God damn that's funny there's there the unedited version if you haven't seen it yet it's like the 2.0 or whatever version check it out it's even more worse I couldn't even imagine it could be better that movie was really funny like there's some really really funny scenes the grandpa stuff they did in Jack house was awesome he's awesome Johnny Knoxville is so good he was riding that rocket and the thing went off and blew a hole through the metal rocket like right by his head he's
like w that was so close I would have been gone yeah could you imagine if that's how he died yeah rocket to the [ __ ] head on one of those GI oxville filming stunt and everyone been like oh oh yeah of course why had that happened before what is it about dudes who want that feeling that Rush of getting right up to the edge cuz those guys get right up to the edge but steo backed off a lot right got off the drugs he's completely sober which is awesome but he now I mean last I talked to him like six months ago you know I saw him in San Diego and he had a sex addiction that he was trying to get off of and then uh then why throwing him on the bus no cuz I think he talks about it and then and maybe but then like this last time I saw him like just a month ago I went down again to see him and uh he uh he had a guy that came with him to make sure he didn't sex addictions that's hilarious that guy's a joke listen to me professional I'm going to tell you something right now okay a guy like you is supposed to have a sex addiction I've cckb for the best because if you the amount of that's his job I'm a [ __ ] blocker that's what I do my name is Johnny Johnny Ron to the Johnny ronzi [ __ ] blocker you got a sex addiction don't worry I'm going to go a three-pronged effort I'm going to mention your daughter in front of them I'm going to talk about your treatment and leave it blank and then I'm the treatment's a big one and then I'm going to [Laughter] [ __ ] a guy like that like he probably I mean he's a famous dude steo was a famous dude so I bet some really hot chicks launch themselves in his Direction he's pretty goddamn famous and he's famous for being a wild man so really crazy [ __ ] are probably attracted to him like a like a magnet to metal shavings like they start moving across the desk at them it's probably normal right so for a guy like that the amount of love and sex he must be getting or thrown in his Direction offered to him must be pretty stunning must be H yeah and he's probably you know he looks at the Mary he knows what he looks like yeah does make sense I may as well cash him this is insane I have to take myself on this opportunity who else would what you know why wouldn't you no one else gets that
shot no one I mean only one guy gets to be steo yeah you know I said that to you once I remember that because it struck with me too as I said it we were talking about comedy we were talking about creating like like when someone's a fan of yours the craziest thing is like someone's an Ari shafir fan you're the only one that could give them Ari shafir if they become an AR shafir fan you're the only one who's doing AR Fear Comedy that's it you're responsible you're responsible for that [ __ ] yeah so I'm sure he feels the same way yeah probably wow yeah it was like ioo let me cash in cash this girl an ultimate fan of stos why would he not sex addiction nonsense do you mean he has sex a lot it's awesome because that's what you're saying a lot of times I feel like sex some Christian person going you shouldn't do that to much but of course there are sex additions of course but there's everything addictions right I mean there's addictions to [ __ ] washing your hands if it's like he can't carry on with his day right they can't get anything done then it's like I guess that's an addiction but isn't it parallel to what we were talking about earlier about the cigarettes that becomes like a force of habit right it becomes part of your life becomes like a a a well-worn trail in your mind but I like sex a lot but then if I got work to do if there's something I have to I'm like I can't I got to like I got to take care of this well you're not sick right you don't have the the sickness I don't have that gen if you some people like to call it no will some people like to call it no discipline not me I prefer illness disease I want to take it completely out of your control did we crash yeah the the AL so we off you stream right now no no no no no I mean the YouTube crashed this computer crashed over here but we're still on you stream so we're still I got a YouTube video to show you by the way that you could probably play I guess the sex addiction thing when it becomes a problem is when you start spending money when you start being sloppy and having sex with no condoms with people in the streets when you're like don't want to do or you really like doing that and it's way better than not doing that yeah I'm not it's one of the things that I don't buy I I think it's when you look at yourself later and go [ __ ] I don't
want to do that why can't I stop doing that that's everything that's beating off that's using Q-tips that's [ __ ] biting your fingernails people get weird we're weird we're weird I saw this guy somebody was talking about losing a bunch of weight some comic at a barbecue and this other fatter comic he was like he talking about like eating natural chips and stuff instead of like process stuff and the fatter guy's like man Louis you got to show me how to lose weight as he's like eating the chips he goes I just told you you I just don't eat those things you put in your mouth yo you got to rewire my brain and make it awesome yeah I got to do it all the way I'm tired of having this lazy ass [ __ ] ass brain that's a problem man if people don't get their brains rewired in some way shape or form if you're a lazy [ __ ] it's very difficult to wake up one day and go I'm not going to be a lazy [ __ ] yeah so if you don't get up hard yeah if you don't get early going I have lazy Tendencies yeah we all do and it's one of the reasons why I'm not lazy at all cuz I'm terrified I don't like it I don't like that part of me why I don't have cable I know I could watch TV all day good move I'm never getting rid of mine really I like coming home I'm going right to internet I if I work especially if I could do a show show goes well everything's great I listen to set on the way home I know the new bits I'm working on I don't have a responsibility as far as writing and I don't like to write too late at night when I'm and then you want watch cable when you get home yeah I I write late at night but only if I am home I don't go out and then come back and write cuz I feel like I'm tired so I like to relax sit in front of TV oh I'll download TV I just won't have cable so I can have it all the time I'll still watch the shows I watch yeah you could get everything now on Apple TV Hulu Netflix but then when it's done you don't automatically like oh this next Show's started I guess I'm watching this now too can you get Cosmos can you get like all the Regular Show the good rule of thumb is you can get anything that's ever been made really so if it's in that group who you can pretty much get it so you don't need a TV anymore that's hooked up to Cable you just need good internet connection
yeah news server the only bad thing that you run into is live local TV which you can now find the problem go to a bar and see that that's the way to be seen firstr sports.eu is [ __ ] garbage it skips constantly and cuts out today in Pasadena a young man came home to find another man sleeping in his bed that [ __ ] type of talk that news type guy what is that they have to die now not die like as in physically but die off that business that [ __ ] news business now with like chomecast though and and Apple TV you can just stream from your phone like you know like nbc.com so you could watch the local news stream to your Apple TV anyway so it doesn't even matter is there any bigger dinosaur in our culture than the local news show is there any bigger dinosaur than the 5:00 news today President Obama met with Egypt you're not going to say [ __ ] you're not going to not going to say [ __ ] we all know you're no we don't all know you're in you're in with the government you're not going to say [ __ ] I'm top of that you got three minutes you got three minutes you got to bounce around to five different things you know what somebody pointed out was so scary about the you know how Bush was like I can't let you show the um the the caset coming back yeah and then Obama's like okay guys we're going to stop that you're you're allowed to show them and now they just don't show them that is weird out of just fear so the news just doesn't show them they just don't on their own so whatever was told to them is like what do you think about all the [ __ ] that's going on in Iraq do you know what's happening in Iraq Jihad are taking over Iraq again yeah as soon as we left how crazy is that a it was a vacuum that we made it's not our fights man I know it's not our fights but what a disaster what a disaster we did nothing to help them what could you do you stay there forever we're running [ __ ] now no and that's not what you want to be that's then you're an occupying Force that's the move nobody wants to no no ch's right it's obviously the move you can't let the jihadist take it you want a jihadist state run by jihadist what about the children I'll tell you one thing please do so they had this thing they were going to do in China they were going to put chips in every one of the
computers so you couldn't go on VPN you couldn't go on the stuff they didn't allow um and the people got really mad about it they were like it's [ __ ] ridiculous they got like started they yeah they didn't uprise but they were all upset and the government was like all right all right all right we won't do it whoa they were worried yeah whereas here that's just something we were going to do and not tell anyone yeah until Snowden told us but that's just something we were they at least ran it by their people we were just going to do it in secrecy Force the companies to do exactly that isn't that interesting when that happens yeah did you see that thing so when you talk about like ultimate freedoms it's like H I don't know I don't know which one's worse Joe you want to get really freaked out I just found this uh out by PDC you know you remember py if you go into your security on your your privacy on your phone yeah and then you go down to uh location services you click on location services then you go all the way down to uh uh system services and then you go down to frequent locations then it'll just say like it'll show your history and uh let's just say uh we'll click on Los Angeles nine locations recorded and it's just showing locations that I've been into like the last n days the exact address I've been in where you're driving around J hung out at like I went toi New York four locations is it places where you stopped and made a call St no where I stopped and it just showed that I wasn't driving anymore like I hung out show exact dots on a map in New York that's crazy it's like the exact map the exact addresses of places I've been in how do people not know about this I'm just finding out about it on The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast can you shut that off can you shut off you can turn it off and now what apple is saying that that that you use it for is is that it will automatically become smart your phone your maps are smart it knows like oh you're running from the law yeah right and that's like if you if you use like uh like different things like Google home where it says like oh you know your trip to Pasadena ice house right now it's 20 minutes I'm like why are you telling me this like have you seen that it's done [ __ ] like that it's the same thing it's just to improve maps
and and things like that so that's why you can you can turn it off unless the government gets a hold of it finds out the warehouse where you're storing the drugs right right is that crazy already you're storing the oh yeah exactly well if you're storing going to the drug house don't bring your phone don't bring your exactly get a burner phone from well he stopped here four times let's go check that out get one of them flip phones from 10 yeah that's a good point here's all those jellyfish check out how many like they're on the beach right here this is steo Sombrero but where am I going to find one around here I love never do that all those jellyfish he's got to put a Som danger is my business and business is good danger my business and business is good so manyok so there's so many the jellyfish somera look he's going to throw the jellyfish on his [Music] head do you think that just feels weird or hurts I don't know because hurting I think it probably just feels it looks like it just feels we I don't know oh my God look at the size of that thing oh he hit him with the tentacles oh damn oh he's in pain yeah oh he's probably [Music] cut got it he's so crazy putting on his back and then he's in agony screaming and running oh my God hands his hands in back are on fire oh my God he's just running around an Agony what does it say afterwards nothing sucks on my channel so subscribe I'm here and if you haven't seen my incredible Paparazzi prank I filmed with Paris okay you can K that Jesus Christ I loved you and then I hated you all in one video YouTube steo wow what a crazy guy jellyfish well he's a better man than I yeah it's not happening he's just always willing to go for it the grossness and the and the snorted with Sai yeah [ __ ] all that man this guy crazy I just can't imagine I can't imagine someone would actually want to do that that seems like a [ __ ] terrible idea yeah but we watched it so he wins right he wins that's what his
objective is achieved yeah exactly it what cool it's worth watching by the way my Storyteller show is recording September 9th and and [ __ ] I started working on that story yeah yeah nice yeah nice I got that [ __ ] tightened up now cool so far it's you DZ big J Cher's in nice TJ Miller's in they're trying to get Joan Rivers to do it oh snap yeah that would beun Co that would be very cool yeah that's interesting yeah going after a few cool people too yeah so um do doing your show man that that that was really fun yeah you liked it yeah loved it I loved the setup that it was in cheetas which is like a dingy strip club yeah you get this Vibe going into it that's what we did in Montreal the first time we're doing it again this year actually Montreal but it's upstairs in this like [ __ ] strip club so you walk up the stairs you just feel like darker and then no matter what said it's like go for it I'm already been antiz against this you're in [ __ ] strip club you're not allowed to say [ __ ] anymore by the way it's transgender what yep yep it's it's like saying [ __ ] M oh really yep but you can still call cabbies cabbies they're going to get upset nowo no no they're okay for now so we got to use it up while we can in the future it'll be one of those things where it's like you know like Tom Sor they don't say like it was it was uh you can't say Jew in the future the word [ __ ] they took it out of Tom so they took it out of huckle I was just thinking about that that's the problem with people going well that well that's certainly certain lines that you shouldn't people shouldn't listen to I'm like no you just shouldn't listen to it just turn it off otherwise you're like the exact same people that took out that edited Huck fin yeah and said no you can't have that book in there you can't edit that I'm not saying you can't write what you write but I'm allowed to go to the school board and try to get and take it out of the libraries that's what you're doing when you contact the the network and saying we want this band yeah you have to reflect the time in an accurate way because it's not about you're you're pretending that people haven't evolved socially since the 1920s or when the [ __ ] they made what was it 18 something that he made yeah that's part of being a human being is understanding that
there's a constant series of like changes and things people grow cultures evolve we're seeing it in front of our own [ __ ] eyes because the internet we're seeing blowback we're seeing people get super sensitive about [ __ ] they shouldn't get so sensitive about and they just other folks embrace it just because they want to be in and on a fight and pick a side and you know and look for like really super like the fat acceptance movement you know that F AC AC no I I'll fight that no you're going to die I'm not going to accept that you're going to die early and it's disgusting and you smell dude you're so out of line no [ __ ] that one of those stop it stop being like that what about what fat acceptance no I do not accept it now now you're so angry it's not even in a my day thing it's gross and you're going to die it's clearly unhealthy stop being gross but isn't that another thing just like a sex addiction or a gambling addiction it's a food addiction I don't care what anybody says about fringes in the eyes of others it does a little bit sometimes on a plane it does but what anybody says about the the causes the causes of it for sure some people have a faster metabolism for sure some people can get away with eating anything we all know dudes that could just eat anything and they never get fat I'm close to one of those yeah but we also know that if they staple your stomach what are they doing they're making your stomach smaller that means you taking less food that's it so it's a willower thing so you're if you start taking less you'll need less to fill up this [ __ ] did it he lost 80 lbs Brian yeah yeah Brian lost 80 PBS gained back most gained back most of it but he lost 80 lbs same thing with Joey Diaz Joey Diaz lost 80 PBS yeah he gained back 67 somewhere I don't know I don't know but but the idea is that if you could just get it off and keep it off some guys have got gotten off and keep it kept it off yeah I mean I guess there is such a thing as as an addiction but I think it's way more people just going like well I'm in that group like no you ain't you just stop going to the diner at 3:45 it's also they get addicted to having certain types of foods in their body like sugars they they you know like there's a lot of people yeah you get used to it if I don't if I don't if I if
I have enough like days in a row of like lots of candy which is every day and then if I go a day like without it by 600 p.m. I start getting like you know you got low blood sugar yeah you got to stop eating candy yeah I'm trying to get off why you eating candy I was doing a lot less of that in China you don't eat you don't take caffeine in no no caffeine it's hilarious yeah constantly eating sugar I can see the negative effect on me but caffeine has benefits antioxidant effects cognitive benefits they they've sh a lot of tea that's good yeah that's probably better you get some caffeine from the tea but they say that herbal tea is like drinking like a very mild vegetable soup really yeah that's like see that there's like some certain type of vegetable nutrients that you can get you know not a lot of it very watered down but it's actually bad for you like a lot of teas are actually quite good for you yeah they say even the caffeine teas really the caffeine stays in the leaf so it's not really coming off it into your stuff but I don't I never got jacked from tea I never drank tea and I was like whoa once I started losing my voice I just did a little research like what makes you lose your voice and one of them was one of them was caffeine and I was like I'm done I've never heard that I've never heard caffeine makes L anything dehydrates you in some way so caffeine they definitely said alcohol they said smoking but I'm like look I'll make I'll make do where I can FY used to drink pots of coffee really pots pots he said he pretty much ran that show start to stop to top to bottom Dave Foley didn't pretty much run the show Paul Sims definitely ran the show he was the guy who produced it and created it but Dave Foley was what I would call like a secret producer an uncredited producer he just took control of it well he was just really good at creating sketches because of Kids in the Hall oh so good good I saw them live somewhere oh yeah you tell me he was really good at creating moments and so Dave would see like a scene and the reason why he was able to do that was that Paul like he saw that that was a benefit they had they had super healthy egos about that stuff like they would let us we could ad lib all the time especially for the first four years we did a lot of AD
living and Dave Foley was a big part of that like restructuring entire scenes the first four years the meeting before before Phil died yeah yeah but um wow Dave you know he just had a great sense of it and it was a really open sort of an environment where they allowed like Andy Dick you know they allowed him to be him like they allowed him to open up and expand set him loose yeah expand the character like he would have these these moments and he would add a bunch of things to the moment to make them more ridiculous and Preposterous and we would add things to each other like I would write like I occasionally write for Vicky Lewis like I could see how she would make something really funny and so like we would like we would do it for each other like she might suggest something to me and like she she she would see like your character from an outside point of view oh hey say something like that yeah like oh yeah that would work well that was a it was a weird uh environment camaraderie huh yeah it was a great camaraderie it was it was a great cast it was a that was a really good show man and Sims a great show there was like straight actors too like uh like Steven Ru who's [ __ ] hilarious but he essentially would just take the lines and go into his character and then you know like createing the other day how great he was in like office space and like you forget about him dude's great on everything he's a great he's he's [ __ ] great guy too he go serious too a lot he gave a million dollars some charity you're like how good did he do in his career he gave a million dollars of some charity did he really yeah wow that's what Ren e said Ren e might have made that up yeah it might have been $20 I could see him doing that though he's such a nice guy you know if he really had a lot of money laying around he might do it something he cared about he's he's a very interesting real artist like that's how I describe step R like when it comes to like being an actor he's a real artist he are into it some of them are into it like that where it's like leg you had something plus you couldn't say anything bad about the guy as a person he's a very very nice person always a very nice person but the most impressive actress was uh actor was Mora tyrany why because I didn't even know
she was acting sometimes like we'd be doing a scene together like sometimes we'd [ __ ] off in the middle of scenes people would joke around and she' get back into the scene and she would it was she was so good like you couldn't tell that she was acting sometimes if that makes any sense like her ability to act you know I I didn't really never even took acting classes I took a couple lessons some private lessons that Disney made me take with this really crazy lady who was trying to get me to leverage her to uh be my mom in a sitcom they created a sitcom oh she was so crazy I did it for because they made me do it I took these acting classes she tried to get you to put her in it yeah it was humiliating too like she was it was uncomfortable it was such an uncomfortable um scenario like they hired her to do it but she was like really uh weird with me she wanted in well she said weird [ __ ] to me too she's like I'm worried you're going to go over there and you're going to fail oh she said that that put in my head yeah but I'm not good at that [ __ ] you know because I I people played head games with me all throughout my childhood in fights like it that would be at the weighin people would say weird head game [ __ ] to you when you were weighing in like what's going to be like when I knock you out oh that's not going to happen so don't worry about it have a nice night you know yeah I'll see you in a few minutes okay and I'm GNA kick you in your [ __ ] face like dudes would say [ __ ] like that to each other so like when you knew that you were GNA have a [ __ ] kickboxing match and then you're talking [ __ ] to somebody at the weigh-ins the difference between that and some lady who's an acting coach trying to tell me that she thinks I'm going to go over there I'm worried you're going to go over there and you're going to fail I'm like well you don't need to worry about that and don't talk to me like this this is some gross passive aggressive like why why you worried that I'm going to fail because I got something that you never got like shut up this is a stupid way of talking to people you don't ever say I'm worried you're going to go over there and fail oh what is yeah what is that because I'm not the best actor in the world I've never been but I know how to do it it's
not that hard when you're acting sitcom style you pretend that it's really exactly so when I'm doing that I'm like I know what I'm doing here like never I was never watching on news radio going Jesus man [ __ ] do the line again it's not that hard yeah but it was also good writing is the most important thing because news radio had har is really shitty writing it had perfect writing at many times it was like the best written shows for by far the best written thing that I was ever a part of but I was on a bad show before that this fox show was terrible hard yeah the baseball show was Diggity diggity dog [ __ ] it was so bad and so that's way harder to do when you do a show like news radio it's easy to be good because the writing so good yeah so you get into it more the idea good they let you they let you like say like I'm going to change these lines a little bit to this sounds something more like i' say if you let someone be involved I think this is where Paul Sims was a genius not just in the fact that he was a really good writer but he also recognized that if you let someone be a part of the creative process there even more invested in it they enjoy it even more yeah oh yeah that's right I mean I think that was it was also that they were always just no ego looking for the best line and Foley would always come up with the best line he was so good at that that is you know he's one of those guys man you know he's he's been on the podcast before talking about his uh the problems that he's had in divorce and alimony and child support and stuff like that but he's one of those guys that like when I when I think about the fact that he might have been like derailed in a lot of ways because of this horrible relationship that he is still tied up to and financially entangled with and still a part of some crazy divorce proced it's like going on and on and on because he owes back alimon or child support or whatever second worst relationship on that show the second worst yeah he had the second worst Phil had the worst that was the other thing you get used to you get used to seeing all these people interact with other people of their ilk and that's where I developed my no headshot policy very important yeah around seeing actors interacting with other actors and they're both crazy and
they're both trying to work it out and you know just it was just too much chaos too much chaos there with famous people trying to hang out with other wanting to be famous people or other famous people it's very weird huh there's also the weird dynamic of only one of you is successful that's not good and you're both in the same business not good dude not good I've had friends that were successful but they dated unsuccessful actresses and the unsuccessful actresses would always try to get them to mention them to a casting director did you say did you say did you talk about me because that movie he's casting that movie and I am [ __ ] perfect for that part okay he doesn't know that I'm perfect for that part but you have to tell him I've seen that [ __ ] he doesn't know because you're not yeah or the other way it's even crazier when it's a check and the check's making mad money and on TV in front of camera like do something with your life that weasly dude that's behind her sweaty holding her hands and what do you do Tom you know I'm a producer of sorts well uh I'm working on the script right now it's um so kind of a romantic comedy involving my wife and another man you know it's all I got yeah yeah the the the dominant female the dominant female star with the beta male the beta male behind her hanging in there clinging people tell it's normal it's totally normal it's totally normal [ __ ] that ain't normal yeah it's not normal you need to get some Enlightenment it's hard people like the yin and the Yang of relationship very difficult I've seen so many like cool relationships that at some point became death no they just the girl turns and they go what are you doing I mean you got to get a better job you got to do it's like why why because you're getting a better job yeah why W it just but it gets in the way that's their like that's their breeding well it's also you hanging around with Comics yeah and it's but it's like yeah I'm going to struggle for a while well there's still a lot of comics that they're they get married and the girl wants to have a baby and she worries how you going to be able to feed the baby I don't know why'd you get involved with a [ __ ] broke comic what
do you think he was going to do suddenly be a banker okay Ari you can't help who you fall in love with you can't help you fall in love with and I fell in love with you okay I'm [ __ ] sorry I wish it didn't happen but it did it's a spell it's a magic spell well what I fell in love with you was your love for abortion and now things are changing my goodness how dare you that's the perfect thing to say right there perfect how dare the perfect thing yeah if you talk to if you talk to uh someone and you're dating them and you know this is never going anywhere and they're like thoroughly opposed to abortion you're like yeah this get end ugly yeah this could end the worst way cuz unfortunately there are you know Patrice had a [ __ ] great joke about that what Patrice had a great joke about people getting mad that you know you don't want to have the same kind of relationship they have and it's like a a prophet yeah he goes it's like if you're applying for a position and you know you want to be the president of of uh General Motors well the president General Motors that that job's not available but the job is available that I come over your house 2:00 in the morning drink your last Snapple and you suck my dick that job's available like that position is available that's the only position that's available you tell me whether you want this position like don't like if that's the kind of relationship he goes if that's the kind of relationship we have you you know you can't get mad at me that I don't want to make it something different yeah this is what I have open for you I call this girl in some City that I hooked up with here or there I met her in bre at one of your shows actually yeah real cool and uh we've done it on and on for a few years yeah and then I found her in some City she was living there now and she was like actually I got a boyfriend now cuz I was like we you want to hang out one cuz you know I'll hang out sometimes and she goes you don't have to I mean honestly our relationship is only ever like that one thing and I was like yeah you're right it was wow so best of luck to you so you offered to just hang out and be like a nice guy no first I offered to hang out and then also sex but I don't spell that out I was also born in that City so you felt like if
you got close to her you hanging out together sex probably happen I was sure it would but I was also like lonely in that City I was like hey there's some new movie out this week you want to go see it a and then yeah you don't have to say obviously we're going to [ __ ] later hear music played bro what's the music sound like like a cat Steven song oh nice Cats in the Cradle in the about my dad little boy the man don't know much that was the whole music they played when Homer lost his child they couldn't find Bart so I was like missing persons and they start playing that for the whole music starts crying wow that's rough got yeah it's a you know I read something it was like advice to men was like all these different and one of them was uh one of the piece of advice never go back with an ex why uh doesn't really want you anymore yeah the reason it didn't work out she doesn't really want you anymore I'm like God that's so generalizing cuz how many times have you gotten back with an ex and had the best sex in the history of the [ __ ] Universe when we don't see each other for a long careful heart your heart what who the [ __ ] are you what have you done with Ari Jesus Christ what is this you blew it mister you like [ __ ] Clayface from Batman you're pretending to be Ari East Coast now with his emotions I'll get rain on you you [ __ ] and you'll turn back into clay face I fall in love every once in a while God who the [ __ ] are you what have you done with Ari Jesus Christ are you in love right now Ari no tell me about your soul it's pretty right now yeah so what were you about to say when I so rudely interrupted I don't even know something about your feelings your stupid I was like just be yeah be care if you get back with the next care your heart they're going to hurt you again if that's what about sex yeah but if careful with your heart yeah Jesus Christ you should write songs you should write songs I how to rhyme otherwise I would love to see you like swaying back and fourth of micophone yeah sing singing like a real serious song Hey there Delila yeah you singing like a real serious song like maybe like Counting Crows style yeah you know be
careful here be careful with your heart yeah emote really emote with it no man some of the best times ever some of lyrics will be real quiety like that's what we'll know we're always go it's bad advice right you know what it's like if it's like saying there's no weirdness if you hang out with an ex you're definitely [ __ ] yeah and it's probably going to be really fun oh yeah freeing yeah be freeing yeah cuz you'll know what it is yeah I mean the idea that she's not I mean come on man I miss can't generalize [ __ ] you like this for a while sometimes it works sometimes sometimes you apologize for how it went bad yeah sometimes you fu [ __ ] like wild animals and then about 5 hours into it they say something that reminds you of how [ __ ] annoying they were and you're like oh my God what am I doing Jill soil used to have a song about uh about um uh if you want to prove my lack of heterosexuality you'll List look listen to Jill silb but uh she used have a song about forgetting a guy's like smile and then like oh yeah such a great smile and forgetting why she broke up with them and I was like oh yeah you tried to [ __ ] all my friends that's right I remember that part now but that smile when you over again it's very difficult if a girl has a nice ass to remember all the mean things a girl has a great ass and she's DTF you're hanging out you're you know you're both single you got a couple cocktails in you you just happen to be in the same town she just touches your skin around here no little kissy kissy kissy and your dick is like a goddamn Crow look's back look who's back my little boner yeah ready to [ __ ] sometimes you got to go just talk she can just talk to you and you're like oh there it is yeah there's certain girls that are sexier yeah and I'm sure there's certain guys that are sexier too I'm sure it's girls there's a lot of [ __ ] you and I both do that it's really [ __ ] annoying and is a real vagina dryer a real [ __ ] clothes the show right every guy I mean there's yeah there's for for every girl first time I open for you in Boston first time I opened for you I saw a girl hot walking across the whole like Fel Hall I see her crossing the whole way the show's over and she's Crossing from the bathroom back there all the way and I'm looking
out the whole way and then she cuts up to me you a wicked funny I almost pissed myself and I was like there it goes damn that that's designed that way to keep them keep nature yeah nature designs it that way keep them alone well to keep you from wanting to do that oh keep you from breeding it's like you've been enlightened you've escaped you've escaped from that that East Coast speak of enlightened shroomfest this year August 9th 10th and 11th oh [ __ ] everybody who participates participates online simultaneously allegedly just do mushrooms August 9th 10th and 11th like yeah if you want to know how to find them uh I wrote a uh or what they're all about I wrote a primer online you can go to it pretty much answers every question you've ever had about mushrooms if you just Google Ari shafir shroom frest primer are you worried about advertising shroom frest that you might be targeted by the feds that's what as a shroom uh supporter no man I live free wow you do live free sometimes if I don't see any reason for these rules at all I'm like nah not we're not going to we're not going to act on that it's the dumbest set of rules ever yeah the fact that you go to CVS and buy a gallon of whiskey and drink yourself to death in the parking lot easily no one could stop you yeah the fact that that's possible I'm not facilitating any mushroom I'm buying it for people I'm just [ __ ] yeah you're right telling everybody [ __ ] you should do it we should all do it yeah that's how law change anyway you know who shouldn't do it who chaining no he definitely should people under 20 three and even if they do it whatever that seems old yeah I'd go younger than that it depends on their upending their upbringing say 21's not bad I don't know I had some cool friends in high school that did it that that always scared me but if we're going to allow people to drink at 21 how can you not allow them to take mushrooms too I say realistically 16 and a half that's not bad if you have community centers where you could give these kids like a dose that you know like super safe even if they don't what he'll be fine what if the only way to get mushrooms like I'm not saying the kids should do mushrooms don't get me wrong let's go to your counselor or something Joe Rogan says
kids should do mushrooms I'm not saying they should do mushrooms but if a 16-year-old wanted to do mushrooms and they just got them on their own and took them that you know how much take absolutely absolutely you don't know how strong it is you don't know how much don't get behind the wheel with this it's going to really [ __ ] you up and here's the reality help you with it will do it they did it when I was in high school there was always kids that did mushrooms and [ __ ] can listen to the wall you know what Vancouver's got in Hastings in the [ __ ] the heroin area they have safe shootout places that's smart where you can go tell them what I'm taking so if you overdose they can give you the antidote they can like whatever help you as best they can instead of like let's hiding it it's like yeah they're going to do it why are we not helping them so people are going to do mushrooms absolutely you should be able to talk to your your guidance counselor in high school about it yeah it's smart yeah it's smart to the right way how much do you take no you don't need an ounce absolutely you need half an Jesus Christ you can notot take Tak an ounce you're going to take a stem going see if you freak out and then you're going to come back tomorrow we're going to talk to you about how siloc affects the brain take a cap next time we'll take more here's all the benefits of Sol here's what they've shown John Hopkins University show that yeah fascinating that's what if they had like certain drugs that were not just legal but respected like that's the real problem with things like psychelic drug to research them well they can now they can now more than ever before they can get the rights to and did all those studies on DMT and then new ones on DMT they got new ones going on right now I got I got to do DMT eventually I don't know why yes indeed but uh only if it's legal under the God's law the somebody gave me some Winnipeg but he freaked me out he was like he was like hey here's whatever DMC like oh really wow I was like maybe if I get the right and then he goes but if you don't do it don't give it to anyone just throw it out I'm like I'm out no way Jesus Christ the warning like that don't give it to anybody what does that mean what's in this yeah you
[ __ ] crazy [ __ ] no way mix in some roofies he's got your phone he knows exactly where you are at all times he's got your phone's location addresses hooked up to his laptop and he's following you around in a [ __ ] bulletproof van solid rubber tires like The Punisher throw you back there take you for a [ __ ] ride yeah you think you're funny huh Amazing Racist my mother's half Mexican beat you [ __ ] your face while you're out cold yeah not good dude don't do it you you're very smart they told me they had mushrooms in in Hong Kong I found some people that were podcast listeners these musicians are out there and he said something cuz I made a joke about mushrooms and he goes uh and he's like oh yeah you know I get them out here I heard from the Joe roken Experience Podcast whoa and I was like where do you get them out here goes they're in the woods man Hong Kong has has woods and it's humid as [ __ ] like how do you know what to pick he goes I did a lot of research yeah cross reference it with pictures McKenna talked about all the different varieties that look like psilocybin mushrooms but are super tox super poisonous yeah those are like the red ones I'm like I don't know man that seems like a get out warning from the some of them yeah like the amonita mascaria yeah it's like I'm not taking ances drug dealer or nothing on that you know what the other problem with that Amon mascaria one is what never talked to a single person who had a real trip with him you taking have people taking them take them and they don't nothing Happ it's not really a mushroom right it's like different than a regular mushroom well it's not siloc cybin is that's what it is it's some other and different psychoactive yeah and they think that the psoc that the mushroom you getting now when you get an amonita mascaria for folks who don't know what the [ __ ] we're talking about Google amonita mascaria mushroom and the religion Google religion because it's connected to a lot of religions it's connected to Santa Claus it's supposed to be the original Santa Claus just Google it and figure it out it's fascinating but we've talked about it too much on the podcast to go on but it's apparently different than sosyan it has another it's another different type
of but I've never heard a single person who's done it who got off on it who had like a real psychedelic experience huh I did it with Doug yeah Doug and I did it on the day of the Iraq War me and Doug and Yan Irvin because I remember long yeah Yan cooked it up and we we drank this tea but McKenna was saying that those mushrooms may be um they may be different genetically and seasonally and and and oh if you get cherries out of season that a sweet yeah and apparently you you got to catch them in the right area you got to get them from the right like the right branch of this this mushroom tree that's grown or whatever it is in New York exactly something along those lines but the ones that we're getting today are just [ __ ] but apparently in some parts of the world some people know how to do it right probably the ones who cultivate them on purpose instead of letting them grow but it's not like psilocybin like psilocybin mushrooms get you off no matter where the [ __ ] you are every no wonder who takes some Sil cybin mushrooms produce Sil cybin that's what they are you know there's staria cubensis there's a bunch of different types of these similars but all of them that have psilocybin knock you into [ __ ] Jupiter that doesn't work that way with the Amon muscaria so a lot of people are confused about the original use of the Amon muscaria there's all this like there's like all this speculation about it being attached to Christianity and all these ancient religions and all these if you look at like all these old cards and things from from the 1800s Santa Claus on Christmas card they all had the amonita muscaria attached to it that mushroom was like a big part of Christian folklore Super Mario Brothers too I don't know how they got them there they didn't know no one knew so they just thought like I'll put this weird looking Mushroom in no one really it was mainstream for a small period of time in the 1970s but the Catholic Church bought off the rights to the John Marco algro books really yeah well one of them still Avil cathol you're the worst you're the worst Catholics the new Pope's a good guy though seems like a nice guy yeah I guess they he uh this John marro Allegro guy wrote a book called The Sacred mushroom and the cross and the reason
why it was significant is he was one of the scholars that was it said that's what helped start Christianity yeah he they're like no well that yeah they were like [ __ ] this so they bought up the rights it it connected the mushroom to Jesus and a bunch of other [ __ ] they bought up the rights to it but they didn't buy up the rights of the other one the Dead Sea Scrolls in the Christian myth which is even more inflammatory in its title sort of like to go hey you can't sence silence me [ __ ] I'll just write another one and I'll write it with another company you can write another that one you could still buy the sacred Mushroom in the cross you have to buy um you have to get it oh actually yon VV automatically illegally download it no Yan irin started publishing it again yeah he started publishing it again a few years ago wow before that it was used I I have a couple copies of it but they're all really old I got them from a used bookstore that's when Christian doesn't want people knowing of that they didn't back then that's for [ __ ] sure it was at Simpsons where Homer had a crayon up his nose and it went into his brain and made him Super Smart M and he like came with a proof that there's no such thing as God and he gave it to uh his next neighbor Smithers Smithers yeah no not Smithers what is his name no who Smithers no what Mr banders Flanders there go um yeah he goes well that can't be true and he's like oh that yeah that oh wow and he goes well we can't let this get out he has he burns it immediately wow it's like well we can't let them be a proof for no God yeah I don't know what the [ __ ] they would do like what if they found today like what if they found incontrovertible evidence the Catholic Church found incontrovertible evidence that Christianity was designed by aliens to keep people in mind until they until they land they have to bury it I'll give you an analogy yeah what if they found like one of those like Obi-Wan help me Obi-Wan you're my only hope they hit some thing ham shows up and explains how humans were created Elon hubber CHS an alien old clothes banging a monkey yeah shooting a load into a monkey shaking it up in a test tube oink human being pops
out I think they keep going because for the same reason Philip Morris kept going when they found out yeah they're like well we got a good business going now yeah I'm not giving up my house based on nothing who cares I have a castle in Tahiti so what people smoke cigarettes they're going to smoke anyway yeah we tell them it's bad people need to worship something they worship cigarettes I got to pee again I got to go PE in the street [ __ ] Jesus Christ how dare you how dare you I got another story for for you about what about shangai I got well you have such an inter go ahead go ahead and pee Ari uh for folks who don't know has such an interesting uh take on religion and uh religious um fundamentalist religion ideas cuz he lived in a crazy religious community in um not a kabut but one of those things in Israel and studied the tud for like 12 hours a day every day and had all these super specific rules and then went from there to become within a couple years he was a dirty comedian which is amazing and like the exact opposite like Not only was he just a dirty comic but he was doing like you know like that those videos that he was doing that was very you know jokingly racist and stuff he went from like the opposite end immediately well he went very inflammatory shock humor stuff that he thinks is funny yeah but we're talking about you dude how weird it is you're like one of the only dudes that I know that went from being like a very in a very religious upbringing like about as strict as you can get to becoming an open-minded dirty comedian who starts a mushroom festival that's probably the only one who the [ __ ] else is there you're in a class by yourself pal there were a few others that were religious that got out yeah Pete Holmes yeah there's definitely a few that got out but not like as far out as you got they all kind of Linger on the edge yeah they dance me's pretty out Metar hates religion Kurt Metar yeah what was he he was a Jehovah's Witness whoa yeah oh my good he real deep in brother so and so brother Joe brother Brian that's unfortunate yeah but now he fed it the same way he bring up these and he he breaks them down too he says this thing like there's no justification in the Bible for killing someone at war war has nothing to do there's no nations in
the Bible you're not allowed to just cuz America's attacking Iraq you're not allowed to go in and kill an Iraqi but still do not kill it's a good point there's no way around it yeah there's no way around it yeah and he talks about stuff like bacon up in kosher and then it always comes back to like so then why was that in the Bible like oh because it's made up like why is there no explanation like because it's clearly made up well it has to be made up everything's made up yeah we know that no look if it's not like could you imagine if you're dealing with a religion that the people that all practice that religion are clearly elevated they're clearly in some incredible place where they never lie and they're only altruistic and their motive and they're super kind they're super honest and they they they live universally there's no variation universally by this intense moral code and this this this projecting of love and understanding everywhere so much so that like you felt it when you were near them like wow that guy's clearly a Catholic priest you know what I mean like if that was a thing yeah if it was a thing where these people would never lie they would never cover up yeah then what child rape they would never then you might listen to that yeah sure then you might say okay well maybe these guys really did find the word of God and if the word of God made a lot of sense if it doesn't make sense to people well you know God works in mysterious ways or retards wrote a book and you're asking me to follow a book that retards wrote they used to sell if you donated enough they would sell you with these tickets I forget what they're called but these tickets into heaven oh yeah and they started selling to rich people and that I mean the priests the popes they would do that the V would do that's not even close to the worst thing they've done no no not even close not even close well how about the last Pope himself the last Pope the last guy is really he's guilty of crimes against humans crimes against nature he was one of the guys that diverted uh priest pedophiles he diverted them to new places knew and they did it again this is your head that means you're the head of your organization is going to do that and
you're still going to be in that organization one of them raped a hundred deaf kids oh wrap your head around that so the priest was directly responsible for moving a guy who raped like 100 Kids official numbers like speculation between 30 and 100 I mean this is been going on for500 years oh yeah probably since the beginning of the the the times where they made them be celibate [ __ ] probably when they way started [ __ ] kids that's probably when they started covering it up I mean it's amazing that you have one religion and this is the religion that I come from by the way one sect of the religion one sect not even Christianity specifically this I think of Catholicism as its own religion but I guess you're right it's protests don't do this but the Christian Catholics don't think of themselves as Christians you talk to a Catholic they it's very rare that a Catholic considers themselves a Christian they consider themselves a Catholic yeah and Egyptians don't consider themselves Arab but get over yourself they're in Africa though yeah they're whatever Arab shut up that's not Arabia who are you that's this guy's an [ __ ] but Catholics the one religion that's explicit L connected to raping children yeah there's no other one it's in the newsletter look there's all people in all sects of life that do terrible things people have done it's it's systematic systematic systemic over the years been covered up and and made to continue yeah instead of going oh yeah you you're who cares what you are you've done this we're going to report you to the police and try to get you to stop doing it it should be the responsibility as a Catholic Church not only to not not even cover it up and make sure it never happens again this guy should go to jail as a warning to other priests he was accused of crimes against humanity by victims of sex abuse victim's complaints to the international criminal court accuses Pope Benedict and three others of failing to prevent abusers hiding them and moving them yeah he's he's a criminal he knew that this guy was [ __ ] kids and moved him to a place just the idea that you are in charge of administering the law in some way and you're so ignorant you don't understand the recidivism rates for
child molesters like that's criminally ignorant or it's either that or you're complicit it's one of the you're trying to protect your you're trying to protect your um business you this will be bad news for it let's cover it up there's no other options right those are the only two options so why isn't why is that guy wandering around why isn't that guy locked in the cage why remember those people that in China that um that the the baby powder formula baby formula powder that like like 20 kids died from this baby powder yeah um and they found out what the CEOs of that company were doing is putting this enzyme in that would make it test higher for purities but this enzyme They just added on their own was also had toxins in it and it killed 20 people they just murdered those people the Chinese government said we're going to kill you all now how about what happened with G with GM with these [ __ ] Cars cover it up I didn't believe Sam tripley was on the podcast and he was talking about it in sort of vague terms he didn't know that the and I believe him I didn't believe him like you got you had that wrong they don't do that dude they I was convinced and then you looked it up I looked it up it would save them a dollar a car what a dollar a car and they're willing to risk someone else's life over a dollar a car dollar it would cost them a dollar a car so it would save them a dollar per car to let this happen I'm telling you man it's like you think you're better than that but it's like organizations when they go un checked they'll just become that they'll just become that horrible thing you need repercussions kind of car do you drive Ari now none don't tell people now none it was a Honda for a long time you're free now right fre of ubering around [ __ ] Uber and some bar Ren's car today bar and Rena E's car that's a good friend let's see bar his [ __ ] car I've been he's got a second one here for his wife and his wife's not here you've been lifting let me see Uber's great Uber Uber's great Uber to me is a perfect example of why the free market exists where it's like cabs are [ __ ] they don't pick up black people they [ __ ] yell at you and demand that you pay [ __ ] cash instead of credit card even though that's not the rules they just smell and you're like well guess
what a new organization pops up from that and they want to shut it down time those guys have downtime in between gigs sometimes who the limo drivers that's why Uber works so well and then there's Uber X which uses like Prius yeah they take people around and preist u x is the best Uber X is just comedians you have to have a job to do that how do you work for uberX you just pretty much turn on the app and then when if you signed up whenever you're ready go ready to work and then it here's what it I asked them once do you have to get checked out do they register they know who you are I think I don't know I know they're not paying people's insurance I know they're not paying their driver's insurance so if a driver crashes on that driver mhm they to get special insurance and I think they they've gone they go some checks but I don't think they're that crazy checks like I I had talked about how I thought that somebody was going to get murdered here theck oh yeah maybe that but here's the check is is the rating system yeah is uh if you get bad ratings if you like drive all over you don't know and then people won't take you yeah I got a guy in New York who asked me to give him a rating he asked me to rate him on very nice guy you could help me if you did that yeah but you if you like murder and kill somebody just take their phone and give yourself five stars that's a great Point prot that's a great point then he just never does a rating someone's going to fight for their life on a password protected phone that'll be your your demise it's weird though you would know who they are you would know who they are they come to pick you up only if you have an iPhone that's new yeah but no they would know in the system they came to pick you up you don't kill the other ones what about the Android users they have the thumb prints now bro Thum prints don't work on the Android phones they don't they don't really start the phone up that good there's one on the um the [ __ ] big uh that big silver one Moto X no not the Moto X what's the other one HTC1 Mega or whatever it is they have a fingerprint thing in the back think getting off my data plan good oh look at you you're gangster just like no data plan Galaxy S5 too why would you do that it's addiction oh you're addicted too
much time spent checking social media and emails I'm like I can get to that later well I'll tell you what I was on vacation for a few days felt good right you get off it occasionally I got on Twitter to send out messages you know like something funny I saw picture I saw a funny saw deer walking around took a picture of this guy walking around cuz deer gave zero [ __ ] just walking towards me and uh so I took a picture of him cuz I was just amazed that like this deer was so used to being around people he's just walking around but other than that I didn't really go online didn't really read too much just chilled relaxed great feeling great shut your phone off don't check my email hang out with people I see it on elevators as soon as the everyone takes it off and like no one's even not that we need to make friends all the time but keep your eyes up just like both are good it's good to have a phone because it's good to be able to get information quickly I want to go to a movies let's find out what's playing but you have to have discipline with that yeah and if I don't then it's like I don't I don't know if you know I'll tell the people look it up on your phone or technology and doing that like if you look at that Trend the trend of being constantly connected to your phone being afraid to leave your phone behind do you think the technology if you sort of extrapolate like where is that going that didn't exist before like do you think that that's technolog is like drawing Us in to like become completely committed Mach yeah borish dude Duncan just got back from this virtual reality conference and he [ __ ] called me up tripping out tripping out tripped me out on LSD no no no he was completely he was completely solo I was in front of the Improv and we're talking on the phone he goes dude you're not going to [ __ ] believe this man he goes this is bigger than the invention of the camera this is bigger than the invention of Internet he goes you go into a room and there's a man in the room playing know you have these virtual real reality goggles on you put them on and he goes and it's almost indistinguishable he goes you're watching a movie he goes it's HD and it's a film and it's playing out in front of you in three dimensions the way they make this film is they put cameras
all over a person's body and then they they film as this guy's walking around so as you move this this headset that you're wearing it picks up all the appropriate angles from all the different cameras and it's seamless he said the first one if you got that Oculus riff the first one yeah I played that at his place very pixelated but still fascinating right made nauseous that's gone he said that's gone gotten way better nauseous is still there he said take time to get used to it but like a new prescription on my glasses that you get nauseous for like half a day those people are called [ __ ] the [ __ ] the the change is here yeah but Duncan was freaking the [ __ ] out it didn't give me nausea it kind of I could see where it would happen Doug Benson had made him sick I think it what's I don't know do you get sick when you read in a car that's what I get really sick a car I've gotten like where I've rolled down the window I'm like I'm not going to make it you have to breathe out fresh air well I'm like I am going to [ __ ] I can't swallow quick enough especially if it's a curvy road cuz you don't know where the turns are coming so it's like it goes against where where you know it's going for me it's just reading it's just it does not even they don't be curvy if I'm reading in a car if I try to read a book or a newspaper in a car I get I get sick but nothing that's the only time wow cre on a bus or train easier I got sick flying in an fa18 I flew with the Blue Angels I tried super hard but I got sick at the end you barfed did a little puking when did when did what's what's the term I got sick to mean barf when did that yeah I know right I didn't ever hear it like that and then I heard it in like in like books that way how about the term I got my eye on you got my eye I had my eye on her like she had her eye on you dude she's got her eye on you you know like girls got the hots for you hey Ari she's got her eye on you she's looking at you yeah but what is that [ __ ] some ancient [ __ ] medieval [ __ ] throw your eye she has her eye on you eye of n it's part of spell fact when people talked really weird you know yeah I think that the only thing that's lacking in in in cell phones and stuff is the it hasn't gotten caught up by the etiquette yet you know so people
are now starting to be like hey it's dinner put put your phone away that is nice when people do that and people are also starting to really get into Retro [ __ ] like think about that people are really into like record players now and a lot of people are into old cars three more minutes we're going to turn into a pumpkin in three minutes I got to tell you this thing oh [ __ ] tell it quick so in Shanghai they have these noodles Street noodles they also have street meat which is delicious but they this expose which I did not eat any Street noodles this is the way they got their oil to cook the noodles they would Brian I sent you the link do you think you have another podcast in you right now do you have another like hour and a half or so hour maybe let's do another one we just end this [ __ ] we'll do another one for an hour [ __ ] it I got nowhere to go okay my kids are asleep uh this episode of the podcast was brought to you by Squarespace go to squarespace.com and uh use the code word Joe is that it did I say it right is that it I think so yeah they all have different ones 10% off free trial and 10% off uh thanks also to NatureBox go to naturebox.com Rogan and save 50% off your first box awesome food too I really love it a lot naturebox.com SL Rogan all right and uh go to on.com o n niit t use the code word Rogan save 10% off any and all supplements we'll be back tomorrow with um the guy from uh oh this is going to be really interesting for you Brian you're going to love this the guy from um unbox therapy oh unbox who's got yeah he's got uh a great YouTube channel and uh it's all about technology it's all about new [ __ ] so going in line with what we're talking about we'll find out about Oculus Rift and all kinds of other [ __ ] and we have a show tomorrow night oh [ __ ] we got a show tomorrow night at the Ice House D myera and Joey Diaz are in the big room and then there another show that we're doing in the little room and maybe we'll get people back and forth from over there too if they want to do extra sets Greg fit Simmons Sarah Tiana Tony Hench cliff and myself and you and what about Christina P should Jesus CH jump out fit Simmons Tony hinchcliff Sarah Tiana you and me godamn it son what a great [ __ ] show all
right AR shafir on Twitter a r i s h a ffi r if you're listening to only this part of the podcast you're allowed to do that but we're going to continue in about two seconds goodbye good night [Music] [Applause] good night everybody good night everybody