Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irV0M5GNUbk
I know okay I like to leave people in suspense what's up [ __ ] hey this episode of The JO Rogan Experience is brought to you by Nature Box do you hear that munchin in the background that is the hilarious Hannibal baress eating some nature box and it is yummy it's pretty it's pretty good I'm not even getting paid for this it's burus uh sour cream and onion almonds yeah I get all the gluten-free ones and I try to get the the healthiest version they have healthy up to n kind of sketchy healthy but delicious all delicious like pretzels you can't really make pretzels healthy sorry folks it's not really possible it's made out of bread unless you come up with some rice pretzels anyway point is what they do have is delicious the blueberry almonds you got to try that [ __ ] that's my favorite my second favorite is these dark cocoa almonds godamn those are good wo their products are all natural they combine a much higher quality ingredient than a typical vending machine ingredients makes them healthier they have 100 snacks to choose from so if you're looking for something that like if you have certain dietary needs like you're glutenfree low sugar content stuff like that they have that too whenever possible they also try to use non- GMO food as well you know GMO food is a very hot topic you want to say you're organic and GMO no one knows what either one of those things mean you know there's a lot of genetically modified food folks essentially all almost all corn you eat almost all wheat you eat is genetically modified especially wheat since like the 1950s they changed this [ __ ] that's why people are so glut and intolerant but GMO really genetically modified like in a [ __ ] lab that's the new [ __ ] yeah you know people are scared you really know food Joe right a little bit of food hand breast just a little bit anyway no high fructose corn syrup no partially hogen oils no trans fats no artificial sweeteners no artificial flavors no artificial colors so they make their [ __ ] as healthy as possible and still yummy I think it's a good balance between you know eating raw kale which I do a lot of and having these delicious cocoa almonds so anyway naturebox.com uh we support them they they support the podcast and uh I enjoy them and if you go to
naturebox.com SL Rogan you will get 50% off your first box that's a pretty sweet deal [ __ ] 50% half off your first box go to naturebox.com Rogan and free shipping anywhere in the US so nature box is busting up the vending machines Monopoly on your midday hunger that's obviously someone else wrote that not me you tell the difference it's slacking a certain something anyway naturebox.com Rogan go there enjoy it we're also brought to you by on it.com that's o n niit t makers of alphab brain shroom Tech new mood all controversial New Tropics and performance-enhancing drugs that are legal um what what is Alpha Brain if you've never heard of it before alphab brain is what's called a neut Tropic and go Google that word no o Tropic and what it is is essentially nutrients that give your brain the building blocks it needs to produce human neurotransmitters it's very complicated stuff I was actually yeah it was actually first formulated I think parasitin was one of the first and it was in the 1960s they figured this out they figured out that it changes your levels of acetylcholine acetylcholine enhances memory for me the big one what it does best is it allows me to pull up words like I feel like it allows me to form sentences more freely and you know there's actually been scientific studies done on it both in individual ingredients and there's recently been a clinical trial on alpab brain all the all the lab results are all posted at on it.com uh if you go to alphabrain you click on that link you can you can read the clinical results we did one study we got positive results especially on um memory and uh execution I be a being able to execute tasks and think about things and so like what I'm saying with with formulating sentences like there's a direct effect between how you can formulate sentences and how much nutrition you've had I mean it just makes sense I mean do you feel better when you have more nutrition of course you do if you feel better probably your brain feels better too that's the idea behind the Alpha Brain very controversial so with all all controversial ingredients all the controversial uh supplements that we sell it on it we have a 100% money back guarantee you don't have to return the
pills the first 30 pills you buy first bottle you have 90 days try it if you say it sucks you get your money back it's that simple and the idea being that we're only selling you some [ __ ] that we know works there's scientific data behind it I use it Aubrey who's uh my partner and CEO of on it he uses it a ton of athletes use it including bod Miller AJ Hawk dudes who know their body very well you got your own supplements man [ __ ] yeah son branching out you know what I'm doing Hannibal barass I'm out there trying to trying to spread everything that I learn if I find interesting [ __ ] I try to I try to sell it it's the way to do it that's it's like ethical economics anyway on.com use the code word Rogan save 10% off any and all supplements uh that does not apply to strength and conditioning equipment that's just all expensive we're selling cannonballs and shipping them through the mail so uh go there enjoy Hannibal breast is here young Jamie cu the music maybe oh you [ __ ] up son iTunes froze iTunes froze don't be blaming iTunes man it's this [ __ ] computer from the 1990s that I have here we go Jo podcast check it out The Joe Rogan Experience now people get to see all the stupid [ __ ] that's on the list there check it out the joean experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day ladies and gentlemen what the [ __ ] Hannibal baress is here ladies and gentlemen what's up I like uh I like meeting a dude who I I I only know you by your comedy I actually bought your comedy I listened to it on the way home from Irvine and laughed my ass off and then meeting you and just within minutes we're talking on the air yeah I like that that's the best way to do it that's the best way to do it yeah thanks for having me hey thanks for doing I'm excited uh that you have products and stuff that's good to Branch out dude well it's all [ __ ] that I'm interested in just try to get I I try to keep myself interested I think that I I feel different when I get excited about something like a new exercise or a new hobby I'm trying or anything I get excited when I'm in a new so I try to spread that yeah as much as I can cuz I try to think I been I want to get into other aspects of business and that's cool that you done stuff that that
you're interested in cuz I like comedy I talk about this in my I like comedy but I understand that it's fleeting so if everything in comedy went away from you you got supplements and [ __ ] yeah but I don't think comedy's fleeting you really think I think it's like one of the least fleeting things ever fleeting but I'm just saying maintenance it needs main but thing is in the business like I'm talking about where you know stuff might be going well but then uh you're not working as much anymore I got a theory about that man that I think that shit's in the past really yeah I don't think that's going to happen anymore I think guys would go away because they wouldn't get gigs anymore they wouldn't get television shows they wouldn't get all these things but now everybody promotes themselves everybody has a Twitter account everybody has a website everybody when you get fans now they know where they can find you it used to be if you weren't on television way where did he go where's this guy where'd he go he vanished you can't just go to his Facebook page and read a Blog that he wrote today that's [ __ ] hilarious you know you can't go and watch a YouTube clip that he made when he was [ __ ] around his backyard with his dog hilarious all that [ __ ] is new oh you know I don't that's confident I'm totally 100% confident that's I don't think you're going anywhere Hannibal but the top son talented and then you've inspired me to get my tiny bottles of lotion for hotels business going cuz that's what I'm passionate about I'm passionate about tiny bottles of lotion and that seems like a stable business people use it I want to get in that yeah people do use it you know someone's got to be selling them that [ __ ] yeah it's a good point maybe have some better smelling stuff better smelling stuff and maybe some jokes on the lotion that's a good idea s Style with lotion good idea not too funny though you don't want to do jerking off with your lotion and cracking up no yeah not that type of your rhym yeah you don't want to use in the middle of it you miss lose your stroke yeah when a dude loses his stroke when you go limp while jerking off man those are tough times like getting it up again while you're jerking off well that's just a lot of work got
but that's just if you focused if you really if you're really about making it to your goal then you just power through that's really what it is it seems frivolous but it's really just an exercise in in achieving your goals yeah fall down nine times get up nine times why do they say they say get up 10 it doesn't they get up 10 what the [ __ ] are you talking about they're idiots because people who fall down a lot get brain damage fall down a lot you hurt your head you can't just fall down nine times you going to get [ __ ] up man little K fall down they hurt themselves well you're a grown man you're going to fall down nine times you're not going to break something why you falling so what's up with your balance are you getting tackled or you just straight up falling you got a bum knee son you got your ankle weak you got a weak foot yeah people got to get it together fall down nine times get up 10 what are you saying yeah how does that even work it doesn't I don't know I guess get up in the morning you count that one they count they're counting getting up in the morning that's what they counting you can't count that because you got to count lying down in bed then too that's falling down you gave up [ __ ] you went to sleep yeah man so basically what I'm saying is is [ __ ] that old Dwayne Wade commercial i' been that's why I came here Jo brok thank you I'm glad you're here man to promote nature box and say [ __ ] that stupid commercial yeah congrats to Nature Box let's congrats to them cuz this this is pretty new company right or is it yeah I think so I I don't honestly don't know too much about them other than their stuff tastes good but yeah I mean I know it's cheesy and you know old you know philosophical quote [ __ ] but this was an idea idea and is now it's good and it's here yeah yeah I like when anybody comes up with anything that's a good idea yeah it's interesting it's interesting to see new companies Sprout out because the internet too like there's businesses now you could have never had a like today if you ever want an excuse to start your own business today's the [ __ ] like here this company vehement knives they make they make homemade knives they sent me they made me a knife it's beautiful handcrafted knife like they sent me a
video of how they made it right that's like it's beautiful handcrafted artisan ship you know I mean I didn't really need a knife but it's cool as [ __ ] that somebody would do that and it's cool as [ __ ] that these guys who are listening to the podcast their podcast listeners they came up with a idea for a company and they started doing it and now it's their that's their job that's their business they don't have to work for anybody that's awesome making your own [ __ ] making making knives or whatever making old record players who knows the [ __ ] you want to make what you going to do with that knife that knife just like sit it's going to sit around my house and look cool sit around the house yeah yeah it's like a Trophy Wife you never [ __ ] you know one of those just sit around look sporty I'll take it somewhere maybe I'll take it hunting things go hard we wrong I might need it yeah you know you get attacked by something out in the wild you got to defend yourself yeah I have plans I have strategies in my head like what I would do if a mountain line jumped me and was [ __ ] me up I have like an idea in my head of how I'd fight it with a knife really like as far as where you hit it at where you hit it with the knife first but you get it in the face in the gut you got to give the animal something to bite on on to that's very important you got to put something in front of the animal so that it bites that before it bites you so it bites the first thing you can get instinctively that's when you stab it in the neck wow that's what I'm saying that's a great strategy I think that's the only strategy you got to be willing to sacrifice one of your arms though your arms going to get mauled [ __ ] my strategy cuz I'm I can I'm pretty logical but at times I'm irrational and delusional so I think that I can knock out a mountain line with a two hit combo a two hit combo Mountain I hit him with the right hit him with the left and I'm stepping back dude you got mad confidence in your punching power yeah I don't know if you a house cat you ever try to knock out a house cat a house cat can take a [ __ ] tremendous punch really it's very rare they go out how do you know that well I never punched a cat but I did watch a cat jump from a tree got stuck in a tree I mean this [ __ ] cat must have fallen
like 30t hit the ground bam and started running I mean it was unbel I thought the was dead for sure I was watching the cat fall started running yeah it hit the ground it's a video there's a video of it on YouTube I saw it online the cat hits the ground and [ __ ] takes off at a full clip doesn't go whoa hold up what the [ __ ] just happened cat fell 30 feet which is approximately like what would that be for a person 6' tall person falling 30 feet that's terrible compared to a cat cat is 4 in high and fell that far and it was fine that's crazy cuz I can't even walk right away if I have like a huge fart I still kind of got to I can't I got to it's a little bit Yeah you get shaky you get shaky your body confence Tak over yeah so good for that cat for just being well I think they have like really flexible bones don't they cats cats like they uh you know they're built different than us yeah they they can they can definitely take impacts we can't my point is I don't think the left right's going to work I don't think it would you might have to get the tie clamp you go the knees yeah I don't know those techniques yeah here's the cat watch this [ __ ] cat this cat falls out of this [ __ ] tree man you're like that cat's dead right okay first of all I said 30 feet that shit's way higher than 30 feet said 80 feet look at that boom and then see you and the cat runs off wow 80 feet the cat fell 80 feet okay that's just a different thing they're just way different than us look at that cat's fine n that cat is broken up but is in shock you might be right you might be right I mean look at that [ __ ] though man o did it fall on his it's look it fell on its back yeah that's that's a shitty cat cat is broken up that's a shitty cat I thought cats always fell in their [ __ ] that cat that cat had human like self-consciousness where you know how we fought like I'm cool I'm cool that's what that cat was doing that cat is not fine I think you're probably right did you notice it hit the branches on the way down I bet it got knocked the [ __ ] out I bet that's what happened I bet it got dazed yeah it probably cracked one of those branches and then maybe that that's what helped it survive maybe getting koed by the branch like watch this
W oh man did it hit a branch yeah it did yeah I wonder what part hit the branch and then it ran under the car yeah bed okay that's good bank yeah yeah see it bam yeah it definitely hit that tree at least it looks like in that perspective poor cat anyway he's fine a mountain Line's like that but bigger in fact they say that like house cats and Mountain lines are very similar and their amount of uh Power you know like what they can generate a pound of body weight which is pretty [ __ ] crazy when you think that a mountain line is out there running around like a 50 lb Mountain line would [ __ ] kill you easy then yeah that would be a bummer way to die do you go in the woods and hunt and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah I've been doing that recently but when you go in the woods hunting you're armed yeah you know you're not worried nearly as much as if you're hiking you go in California or where you going no I have well I've been pig hunting in California I went wild pig hunting did once but I've been Wisconsin and Montana the two places and Montana's been the only place I camped out outside and do you have a hunting crew or is it other Comics or is you got went with Brian Ken yeah yeah I went with him twice we didn't go pig hunting together I went that with another guy I went with this there's a guy um named Steve renella and uh he's got this TV show called meat eater and he's a hunter and he took us hunting and I got hooked on it really dude it's fast fascinating [ __ ] do you eat the stuff you honey yeah I'm trying I'm trying to only eat that that's what I'm trying to do fresh and unprocessed yeah I mean it's it's 100% organic except for the lid yeah you don't have to keep showing that pig man that's the pig I murdered there a photo of the pig murdered it you can't say murdered because it's not a person you're supposed to say Harvest Harvest makes it sound better that's what they like really killing an animal you kill an animal every time you eat a ham sandwich you harvest Tomatoes yeah well they think of it as crops not as crops but as you know something you're you're getting out of the earth you know you're harvesting an animal from the earth bringing it home and eating it I'm trying to only eat that at home you know
I just think there's a lot of bad karma attached to factory farming yeah I just think I like meat I don't want to give up the idea of eating meat but the when you watch those PETA videos and people could say all they want about that's you know us a fraction of those you know of those animals get treated like that most animals get treated ethically and humanely yeah I D I have a friend who has a farm and he raises uh grass-fed beef he raises these beef for Slaughter they have a full pasture they grze in and they you know they're out there eating grass no hormones no no antibiotics no nothing those cats are those they're scared as [ __ ] like if you go anywhere near those cows those cows freak out you know why cuz they know we're killers and we're going to eat them eventually and they're trapped in this cage like the idea that it's way better yeah it's better it's definitely better most of the time it's better but still a freak out they're still trapped well that's the lot in life they took you know of given they were given that lot in life that's a sucky lot in life it is but so you so you just don't cuz hunting is just doing the same thing but on a on a more base level just on a smaller level in a way yeah you're just doing it I mean you cutting out the middleman and you're cutting out you're cutting out the middleman and the animals living completely wild there's like a behind hunting um that certain type of people do it's called Fair Chase yeah and what that means is that you're not dealing with an a fenced in environment that you're only hunting in an animal that's truly wild a wild animal that can go wherever it wants so in order to harvest this animal you have to figure out how to get close enough to it you got to stalk it you got to you know you got to understand where the wind's blowing like there's a lot of factors involved and when you take that animal most likely that animal would not have even known you existed until it died like out of nowhere it just dies right and it's the most ethical way but that animal's still scared as [ __ ] if it sees a person the reason being there's people like me that'll shoot it right no I see that whereas Nat being you know just chilling out waiting to and it's
seen it it hasn't just seen its friends be slaughtered and hung up yeah it's not trapped yeah you know it's a wild animal you're going out and getting a wild animal but it's also a wild animal that's most of the time they're aware of people and then they don't want to be anywhere near us yeah the re the real Tripper is when you can go and you can see a wild animal that probably never saw a [ __ ] human being like go up to the Yukon or some [ __ ] yeah and then they freak out or they they don't even know what the [ __ ] you are like Caribou Caribou just look at you like what the [ __ ] is this sometimes anales will come towards people because they don't know what the [ __ ] they are yeah they're like what the [ __ ] are you I never seen one of you before and then Booyah Point Blank yeah not that close they don't get that close but they will look at you but sometimes antelopes have encountered people and sometimes Carib who encountered people and once they've encountered people they get way touchier yeah do you have a catchphrase when you hunt like when you hit one I I need one let's Booyah Booyah is that it blam blam we eating ham that's awesome you need a catchphrase that's the perfect one for pig hunting man that is the perfect one I'm actually uh I'm in the process of gring a ham right now that I'm going to smoke I bought a smoker means soak it in in it's soaked in salt and brown sugar okay and um it's been uh soaking in this this brine for like 5 days wow and I'm going to um I'm going to smoke it tomorrow yeah that's awesome man this new thing I'm into that's great dude I eat almost exclusively delivery so we leave opposite lives totally opposite lives well I love delivery don't get me wrong delivery is like one of the greatest things ever that you can sit in your house and someone can bring you delicious food yeah but yeah we're at the opposite spectrums of Eden qu not only there a middleman but there's somebody there's a lot of other steps where somebody's bringing it to me to your house you go to the restaurant house I'm using an app to do it I'm using Seamless Web to do it and that's going to the restaurant the restaurant's getting a food from somewhere then there making the food and bringing it to me through and you're actually going and
shooting pigs in the face you don't want to shoot them in the face I know that but well you do but you don't want to miss them you know if you could just shoot him in the head that' be ideal yeah you know the face is the head yeah you're right what you mean side of the head no you really want to go for the heart the lungs you go for the body that's how you uh that's how you usually stop them because you can miss the head and graze their nose and blow their face off that happens sometimes yeah like deer get their face blown off someone tries for a head shot and they miss and then the animal's still running around with half a face I was just trying to be funny me too I just failed my part failed do you think you could ever do it you ever thought about going hunting I uh I think I could uh I don't know I don't I'm not a patient person I'm very uh I need stuff to happen right away right so yeah I don't I don't know I actually only time I've ever it was in Mississippi when I was a kid uh my aunt St stayed in the country in Miss like I so in Mississippi it was a small town it's very country so they there were wild hogs around there and I was I had a shotgun and I was able to to shoot one shot off at at a pig and I missed so that was my only that's my only experience with uh hunting I fished once and caught a fish and that was pretty cool but yeah maybe I could do it it it would be a different experience just to uh be in that just that type of life and just knowing that you know it's it's people that do that a lot just seeing that that type of the world like I uh for my pilot for Comedy Central I worked on a goat farm actually uh who where they milk the goats uh they you know they they sell goat milk and everything there and uh they got the billy goats and then it was it was real it was really different just being in that in that uh in that environment where this is these people this is what they do for a living and they just live off goats they you know milk yeah they milk goat they got goat cheese they got goat lip balm and then this crazy thing you know so that was that was real cool so I am interested in that world I don't know if I could I could probably visit it you're urbanized yeah I'm urbanized to the core I think maybe old you know
maybe we get older I would you know try some different stuff and do it for an extended amount of time but right now I'm pretty comfortable yeah no look cities are definitely a awesome invention yeah what a great idea to cut all that nonsense out yeah but the thing the thing I found about is that that nonsense or hunting and fishing too they're fun they're fun on some weird visceral level it's fun yeah you probably yeah it feel it probably feels good to go through that where you kill the animal you do the skin it and and you you make it and just to you did it all it has to feel yeah real fulfilling and and you know that's I mean that's what we used to do as as humans so do you think you'd be interested in going hunting on a TV show would you be interested in doing it probably yeah i' think that's a great idea for a show I think that's the next showan like Steve renella this guy uh from the host of media and not I've been trying to think of a show I think the show is taking comedians hunting I think that's look that's something that it's a very controversial thing too you know really I mean I don't find it I think if you're a mediator you can't really find it if you're mediator controversial but you talking about for vegetarians vegetarians have an issue with it but really dummies it's very controversial with dummies you know dummies love to knee-jerk on that like oh you want to shoot an animal is that what you want to do you want to kill animals you a badass you're really a badass why don't you need to use a knife like they'll say something why don't you use your bare hands yeah cuz you'd [ __ ] lose oh [ __ ] what team are you on people are people are interested in that you know what's funny with PE like the not a vegetarian debate but my my girlfriend is is vegetarian but uh and koser but eats fish huh but and I try to say that's not true vegetarian eats salmon and then only certain types of fish though wild fish only Kosher fish only Kosher fish oh she's crazy you got to get away from her no she she's good vo that's Voodoo kosher is voodoo do you know who that is it's Voodoo I try to say like that's old rules like why don't they update it well you know they use that um as like in
certain slaughter houses they have to have a rabbi come and they have to use a knife like the slaughterhouse we filmed Fear Factor in a slaughterhouse MH and that the first time in my life that I I recognized very clearly that places contain memories they contain something some feeling of some [ __ ] that went down there yeah cuz the moment I walked into that slaughterhouse like the moment like as you get closer to it you park your car you get out of your car start walking towards the door you feel heavy yeah you feel it you could feel it you feel weird [ __ ] in that place you're walking around it might be psychological but it might also be that place is still buzzing with a million [ __ ] slaughtered cows freakouts cuz it feels like it it feels like a spot where if you came around that spot if you were like in the old school Game of Thrones days and you came over a hill and you went stop why do why does this place feel [ __ ] shitty what is going what's what happened here well Joe that feeling also could have been man I'm about to make strangers eat bugs there was no eating bugs it was a simple task they had to dunk their head in Vats of blood and pull out cow hearts with their teeth but you felt the vibe of that place I'm probably full of [ __ ] I know I was high as [ __ ] so um I might have just been tricking myself into thinking a lot of people get mad sometimes at what I say you know you [ __ ] that doesn't make any sense [ __ ] doesn't even make sense to me all right relax yeah people get upset about uh opinions it's easy to yeah to kind of people is you got to take yourself out of yourself sometimes remember like oh yeah that's just the person saying stuff like you also got to be able to poke holes in your own theories you have to like right there like I'm telling you I felt this weird crazy thing but the the reality is I was highly highly lit up on marijuana I mean I was lit up you used to shoot that show high I would do every episode high as [ __ ] so high sometimes that I forget how to talk right I could never I mean the only way I could do it and enjoy it CU it was so Preposterous after like eight or nine episodes I was like wow this is the most and I was like God damn it this show is going to it's going to stay on
TV you know one hand I definitely wanted it to stay on TV CU I you know it was great great job a lot of nice people I worked with the money was great NBC was great but on the other hand I'm like oh my God how can I keep this doing this yeah I don't know if I can keep doing this so it's like a a beautiful job but a job but a job that I could do high right then it became fun once I could do it high that that's funny cuz I I never Never Smoke Weed before TV appearances anything on TV but people think I'm high on TV all the time well if you got tested you would be high I I think what you're talking about is like intoxicated or affected there's two different things you know what I'm saying no I'm always affected by weed always like basically Medicated by weed but I'm not always high right but I'm affected you mean because you might have smoked a couple days ago or something like that even a day ago but two days ago I'm talking like when I cuz it was a period where I really didn't even smoke weed for a few years and even then people would say are you high on stage are you high right now like are you must be well you have a stoner style comedy in a lot of ways well I I I mean it's it's a it sounds like a negative but it's a positive you're a thinking comedian you you're a really funny writer like you take like like really hilarious absurd turns in your comedy it's it's to listen to so like when you hear that you go this guy's high as [ __ ] he's coming up this shot I guess I get annoyed cuz I'm like if you if I was high do you know how bad this would be if I was hyp what's up with all these lights who's that what are he looking at me for why is he staring at me why is that guy with the camera staring at me or You' get used to it and it would be like everything else I guess so the first time I ever got high on stage I it was like skiing downhill when you don't know how to stop yeah it worked yeah I me I made it to the bottom I didn't crash it was like one of my best sets ever but I I didn't do it again for like 10 years I was terrified yeah I was terrified I just got high with some friends and never quite sobered up and then I'm like [ __ ] I got to go do comedy and I went on stage just accidentally High yeah it was great but I was terrified I've done it slightly high
recently I can but I can't be Blitz I can't be blazed if I'm blazed if I'm too blazed I just got to leave if it's a public play a bunch of people if I'm too blaz I'm all right see y'all later I'm going home to my safe place there's definitely times when you can [ __ ] up you just get I I went his a there was a um professional jiu-jitsu tournament that I went to that a friend of mine was competing in and we went to watch him and support him and um after the the jiu-jitsu tournament we went backstage and um we were uh we were all on these pot Edibles that this friend had given us and they were pills and my friend said only take one don't take two I listened to him I took one my friend Eddie took two Eddie Bravo took two and I was talking to this dude and I was just way too high to be talking to anybody and the dude that I was talking to is just a straight killer and he's a weird killer he's a guy who had a reputation like he got in a street fight and actually killed a guy with a triangle they had to revive the guy he held on to the triangle they got an altercation on the side of a highway he got out I think he his friend fought the guy first and then he fought the guy I don't know the whole story it was one of those regular fight where a guy was a regular was one person was tried to square up like a regular person and the other person was like I fight for a living exactly I never I don't want to say the dude's name because he wound up actually going to jail for rape um he he raped some chick allegedly I mean I don't know what happened but he got arrested for now all of your fans well I mean this I don't I don't know what happened I do know that the guy he actually had to like skip town he uh he he took off and then they caught him because he was doing Jiu-Jitsu he couldn't stop doing Jiu-Jitsu he loved Jiu-Jitsu so much that he was he went to a gym and he was strangling [ __ ] and people couldn't believe how good he was and there's a certain level where like when you get to like a brown belt level or black belt level if some some guy can manhandle you you're like who is this guy like this is this is something crazy like what have you competed before like who are you like why are you so good MH this guy was
just that good he was just strangling all these people so it arose a bunch of Suspicion so they checked out his name and they're like wow that's that dude wanted for rape man so I'm there super high as [ __ ] before the rape charge super high as [ __ ] talking to this guy and I'm like man something is wrong with this [ __ ] I'm like picking up a vibration a vibration in his soul he's willing to go to Dark Places if you [ __ ] with him like this is the wrong dude to [ __ ] with and then a couple months later he's uh running from the police doing Jiu-Jitsu in a as a gnome deur damn that's crazy I love it so much I can't do it it's like once you get really good at it it becomes like a video game but like imagine if you could play a video game in real life where you actually get to do all the killing and the other guys really don't even have a good shot at killing you yeah like yeah go ahead try try to choke me you know that's how good this guy was this guy was so he was world class so he would just he couldn't resist he wanted to go there and just strangle a bunch of men you know I don't know what it was I mean somebody might have [ __ ] with him when he was young and he never forgot it and he you know that's that happens to a lot of guys they they have like childhood abuse somebody kicks their ass when they're a kid right and they just become this [ __ ] Savage because of that they develop that defensive mechanism you know I enjoy fighting but I when I watch it like I If fighting comes on you enjoy watching it I enjoy watching it yeah yeah I enjoy watching and fighting uh MMA or boxing but just cuz it's fascinating like yo these dudes attack each other for a living like that's all they do yeah it's crazy hard way to make a Liv like watching dud like I'm a punch like that's crazy like like this is my dream this is what I want to do I want to fight people and I'm willing to take the chance that I might get knocked out in front of thousands of people and millions watching at home I don't often recommend people get high before sporting events but if there's a sporting event EV you should definitely get high at least once and be there live it's a UFC yeah oh yeah I my my friends do it all the time you know especially in places like California where it's legal yeah they're not really interested
in Breaking any laws right Colorado where it's legal Washington state where it's legal Washington State last time we went up there you could smell weed all throughout the place we walked oh stunk weed in in the yeah Vancouver too you go up to you go we had there's a UFC in Vancouver the whole place smells like weed people just light up they just keep it low and light up right in the stands [ __ ] it yeah man just to I mean watching probably watching somebody get knocked out High it would be crazy to me live yeah choked out lives crazy but it's also watching how goddamn good they are you know when you're super tuned in you know for people who don't get high the idea behind it is like Well yeah if there's something you should get drunk and go do it's go get drunk and watch the Super Bowl duh you know that's a stupid thing to say but when I'm saying get high and watch mixed martial arts you don't have to watch UFC watch some kickboxing you watch like anything like high level Athletics where two dudes have a lot at stake which is what it is you're so tuned in to what they're doing you're so the whole thing is like electrifying right before I used to work for the UFC I never I never do the UFC High ever but before I used to work for the UFC I used to love to get baru and watch the fights yeah it was awesome so the whole thing is such a such a wild experience like Primal experience you know yeah that when you're baked you just tune into it woo yeah it's just a man I couldn't imagine getting just well I've seen some of the highlights of fights where it's just crazy like a guy is getting his ass whooped and all of a sudden he's whooping other like but getting destroyed like like the guy got a couple punches in like this dude is bloody he was just getting destroyed like oh he's about to L and then all of a sudden he has this dude in a fuing rear necked choke or something and the dude is happened down like how did that happen how was he able to take 15 punches to the face it happens all the time and still win the fight there's certain dudes that can just take it yeah that's one of the things that you learn when you watch MMA yeah all that all men are created equal [ __ ] yeah that's a dirty stinky lie that will [ __ ] you over if you believe it all men are not
created equal not even a little bit there's some dudes that can do [ __ ] you can't do all right you can't move like Anderson Silva period right right if you're some dude who thinks that all men are created equal and you get in there with Anderson Silva that [ __ ] guy moves like a he moves like he's in another dimension yeah most guys can't handle that okay but I understand the exercise you exercise your body you had legs back arms right ABS chest you could work that M but how do you make your face strong it's a lot of it's genetics it's genetics like how can you just take punches in the face well pass out I can't I mean I can I can you know I've been hit in the face many times but I know I don't like it and and I know I don't like it maybe there's a few people that do like it but I don't like it either there's some dudes who get fired up by it but there's some guys that take a shot way better you know I don't have an extraordinary ability to take a shot but I don't have a I don't have a weak chin either some guys it's really weird like um it could be past trauma it could be that they've been hit in the head too many times but some guys just can't take a shot at all they just it's weird they just they get hit like half decent and they get wobbly whereas like some dudes like Pacific Islanders like Samoans yeah God damn those dudes are known for be able to take a shot like David Tua you ever see David Tua fight no he's a heavyweight boxer fought like he had like crazy potential he lost to Lennox Lewis when Lennox Lewis was on the top but David Tua was crushing people he knocked out John Ruiz pull up David Tua versus John Ruiz this was uh when they were both contenders before Ruiz won the title and David Tua knocked him out in one round n David Tua was terrifying cuz he get hit like a train and his head was like fire hydrant sized yeah and he could just bang just take him in the face there he is which is scary right yeah I remember this dude God and you see there Olympic Brun medalist in '92 I mean he was a serious serious athlete so it wasn't just that he could take a great punch he was also an elite boxer I mean David Tua in his prime he's one of the guys that gets looked past like on any given night David Tua might have been able to beat
everyone in the world it's just putting together those nights over and over and over again look at this boom Ruiz is hurt look at this [ __ ] come on son how good was Dava terrifying that's that's the mo that's most embarrassing when you half of you is like outside of the Ring that's worse than it's just something more demoralizing about that and your wife is there and [ __ ] yeah dude he got kid kids are crying the world was denied David Tua versus Mike Tyson it's a denial like the world lost something because those two never fought oh man you know I mean godamn David Tua was good Len fought Tyson but Tyson was already you know look at his he's out cold but Tyson was uh you know pass his Prime and he had chemical problems then he was doing coke apparently so do you think when like say like David Tu was probably heavily favored for that fight right I don't know who was favored because John Ruiz is a stud man John Ruiz is a you know he he won the title he beat some really highlevel guys like John John Ruiz is a real good boxer okay David two just caught him but I just mean like say a fight like with Tua is against somebody and Tu is highly favorite but there's other guys has his team there you know that everybody's hyped like you got to get up but do you think there's people in that team like man he's about to get his ass with of course you got to get rid of those people man there's people on your team that will say that to you man don't fight that dude you go what the [ __ ] man you can't say that [ __ ] you do need to hear that though you know you do need to hear that yeah you got I would want that you need it I mean but it also is a it's a job too where like well he probably going to whoop my ass but more just do there's certain dudes like when like here's a perfect example when Vinnie pazienza fought Roy Jones Jr someone should have pulled Vinnie aside and went listen dude don't fight this guy yeah like this is not the guy for you not right now did he beat the first round or something he he was the only guy ever Vinnie Penza was to never score a single punch in a round ever Roy Jones hit him at will and he literally couldn't hit Roy Jones it was when Roy Jones was in The Matrix and was dancing in Roy Jones yeah Roy Jones went through like a
series of of of years where everybody was like oh he's got no he's got no competition you know it's too bad there's not another really good fighter it's not there's not a really good fighter it's just he's so [ __ ] good that he makes everybody else look like they don't belong in there with him yeah guys who in any other era were bad [ __ ] right dude this is Roy Jones when he was he was the best ever in my opinion he was the most impressive fighter ever for a period of you know a few years remember uh his rap song yeah y'all must have forgot this is when he when he uh finished pen at the end of the fight God damn he was good or is this the first round first round this is the first round this was when Roy Jones Jr was he was literally perfect he had reflexes that no one could [ __ ] with completely unorthodox style very rarely used a jab used leaping left hooks as much as he used a jab and was just so [ __ ] fast man you just couldn't catch up with that Rhythm his rhythm was so fast it was just it would [ __ ] with guys cuz they'd get in there and you got a certain expectation of how long it's going to take before a guy hits you right so like if you're here and he's here maybe something could come here maybe but with Roy Jones it was you'd be like oh [ __ ] I can't get away from those I don't even know when those are coming yeah I saw uh I went to Mayweather Canelo oh that was a masterful work yeah masterful I never seen Mayweather live and I knew it was great obviously but when you see him live you see how fast he is like so much faster and uh Canelo was only 21 or something maybe was 37 yeah and he was way faster than him and just dodged everything like he anticipated every moovie it was crazy to see how fast and just skilled he was you know what it also is it's not just fast he's really good he's really good technically and but by that what I mean is that for folks who just watch like a guy box you're seeing a guy move around you go oh well this guy is trying to hit this guy and that guy's trying to avoid it but there's a language going on just like when you're speaking in a conversation just like when two people are speaking like if you and I were talking and we're having a good
conversation it's because I'm recognizing what you're saying and you're recognizing what I'm saying and we're combining our thoughts together we're and having some fun there's like a flow to it but you could have a conversation with some other person who just gets real aggressive with you and intim you don't want to talk because you're intimidated or you you start stuttering on your words because you know this you think this guy's going to bark at you or you're you're worried that you're saying something wrong because they're being very judgmental towards you and so then the conversation takes on a completely different flow yeah well that's what fighting is Right fighting is like that it's like there's like there's like movements and there's movement that get you to react and then there's recognizing your movements and your patterns and playing off them it erupting those patterns just like when someone's argumentative and they interrupt you in mid conversation to refute the first couple things you say and it throws you off you can't keep you keep you try to finish your thought but it's not the same thought as it was cuz the guy blocked you that's like a guy gets hit but he still tries to punch the guy when the guy's out of range knowing the guy out of range but just to let them it's really essentially the same thing so what Mayweather is in his his Mastery is like a masterful physical conversationalist he knows how to control the action and that's that's a weird thing there like a there's a voodoo to that yeah when a guy's at his best like a Roy Jones in his prime or a Mayweather right now there's a voodoo to the way they move right you think Mayweather he'll he won't he won't get beat before he retires do you think he I worry about him beating himself I worry about him doing something crazy like you heard what happened with those guys that were working for him jewelry went up missing he had these guys allegedly allegedly they got the the [ __ ] beat out of them but now it's all see it's all seems to go away that no charges have been filed which is the right way to handle it just sorry apparently the guys weren't the people stole the jewelry but look but I'm hearing you know 18th hand stories I don't know what the [ __ ]
really happened but let's pretend nothing ever happened it was a total misunderstanding what I worry is that something like that would happen and that he would wind up going to jail again you know I mean I just think the guy if you're a boxing fan I think he's one of the bests ever I think he's it's like a as far as like an athlete I think Mayweather's like a national hero yeah I mean not a national hero like a national treasure you know it's like you should really pay attention to this because this is very rare that a guy is this much better than everybody around him yeah nobody can touch him he's standing in front of a murderous puncher in Canelo Alvarez and canelo's all frustrated and flustered he just can't hit the dude it's just funny I I always hear people say Mayweather's arrogant yeah he's arrogant he punches people in the face for a living and he's never lost it and he's not punching regular people in the he's punching other people in the face that also punch people in the face for a living yes he's arrogant and he done it over and over and over for millions of dollars and that's all he does you can't be not arrogant and be that good you can not display it yeah you could do better at hiding it well that's tough but with him the thing is about hiding it wouldn't be necessarily beneficial financially yeah it's better to create that Persona people want to see him lose like I think 20 30% of the people that buy a Mayweather ticket are trying to see him lose I would say more it depends on who he's fighting Yeah well yeah that's true but I mean like no matter who he's fighting was a lot of Mexican flags in the in the in the stadium when I was there that's true but I think there's some people that pay to see him lose to anybody whether it's Canelo Alvarez it's Philip anybody they just want to see this [ __ ] lose Ricky Hatton here we go they were so disappointed English people thought this is the guy he [ __ ] come over here and beat Floyd Mayweather couldn't even touch that dude hasn't he had a downward spiral since then haton haton did yeah he got knocked out by uh Pacquiao really bad after Mayweather knocked him out Mayweather knocked him out but Mayweather like he hit him with a left hook he but he out he just outboxed him masterfully and
then caught him on the chin wobbled him and then finished him off but Manny Pacquiao slept him yeah he he caught him after that fight so it was two bad Knockouts and then you know he took a lot of time off and started hitting the white yeah Ricky had need to get in the supplements business he needs to diversify well he came back he got a had a Coke problem for a while got crazy you know did a lot of partying you know got depressed and then got right back into it got back in shape and had a fight lost the fight but uh I think he decided after that he couldn't perform at the same level anymore and he was going to retire yeah but you got to realize for him if you're listening Ricky you can't expect your body to bounce completely back with one fight after you did Coke for five years you know I mean I don't know what they told you Coke does but uh you need to give yourself some recovery time yeah you know Coke set in there's I know people who did Coke in the 70s they have like serious neuromuscular problems oh [ __ ] yeah people like a lot of old people that did a lot of coke like way back when they developed like all sorts of like weird nervous problems weird weird weird issues with controlling their bodies you know like there's a direct connection that a lot of people have with with Richard PRI went through when he was older with all the coke that he did when he was younger yeah so don't do that much coke coke and moderation everybody Co and light moderation if you have to if not don't do it at all I also think it's real it's a real problem with Coke being illegal you don't know what the [ __ ] you're getting get Coke mixed with some speed yeah Coke well you know the government can't get go that far and legalize Coke do you don't think so do what about decriminalizing it you think that's prob that's possible that still would make it it still would be I think it would still have the same problems right but what I mean how much how much worse I've never done KO how much worse is Koke than alcohol when you see someone who's really [ __ ] up drunk violent I've seen people that are dudes who become totally rapy when they get drunk just grabbing girls outside of clubs give me [ __ ] i' I've seen people get crazy come on girl what the [ __ ] you
too good for me I think it's a tough comparison just because of how people take them you know what I mean like people you might have eight shots of liquor but for the most part people not I mean there's some people definitely that's on the extreme side but you're not going to keep on just [ __ ] hit right coke uh that is a problem right is that once you feed that monkey you want to keep feeding it yeah that's the difference right you just you could also get kind of crazy apparently when you've been doing coke all night like you don't know what the [ __ ] you're doing you know like you just have energy and you just feel smarter than you are well that's how you are when you're drunk too right you're drunk you're half [ __ ] and you you think you're fine yeah but you don't slur as much on coke right slur but talk more talk more yeah that is one of the most brutal things ever yeah talking to a drunk person when you're sober or talking to a cokehead when you so which would you rather uh talk I would rather talk to probably to a Coke because they probably at least have some ideas and [ __ ] and even if they even if the ideas aren't that great I would be in my sober mind so I'd be able to tweak it to my advantage D yeah or like counter and like actually kind of out the conversation a little bit yeah you know Mike young do you know Mike young the comedian I know who that is I he had he had a great joke about uh cokeheads that they always want to start businesses with you it's so true man people will come up to you with like Grand plans yeah dude I mean I uh I have ADD uh but I don't have an adall prescription but I get it sometime I get outall sometime and when I take an adall at the beginning of the day man I just Crush life dude I've book I book all my flights for the next month and a half let's get [ __ ] done right [ __ ] done I write I make lists I handle stuff in my apartment and just uh just handle the stuff on out row I'm Legit add I think though do you think that um okay when when someone says I'm a legit add yeah um I I I believe you and I'm not questioning you but isn't you're you're talking about the effects of a stimulant though I mean when when people do stimulants that's what happens yeah but I think cuz I don't get to the point
where I'm like like cuz some people take Aderall and they'll go they'll be really hype but for me you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm right that I'm pumped up you know what I mean like but you have much more energy but I have much more energy and just focus and I just handle stuff whereas I normally you know I get on the internet and just I go you know on on my computer with plans and just end up [ __ ] around on Twitter or looking at I'll get caught up in a YouTube wormhole you know what I mean right YouTube Wormhole I get know oh man it's a waste have you ever tried mafel do you know what that is know what that is is that your other supplement no no no that's a that's a pharmaceutical yeah it's um it's a smart drug there's new Vil and provil provil was uh the original one I think and new Vil is the newer version um anyway I've only T tried new Vil but apparently this the effects are very similar it's this uh weird smart drug right and it does is it just gives you energy like when you're exhausted like say if you um like last night I got a decent amount of sleep at 6 hours I have kids so 6 hours is pretty good you know so I feel pretty good but if you get three hours and you're like [ __ ] I got to do a bunch of [ __ ] today you can take one of these Nils and it's not like coffee it's not like that weird when I when I'm like uh really tired but I drink coffee I get that Buzzy but dull thing like I'm kind of stupid but I'm moving around normal MH this is not like that this is like it alleviates the sleepiness gone it's all gone all gone and now you have uh energy and it's amazing yeah yeah I need stuff like that cuz I got you know stand up and working on shows and press stuff yeah need especially for press if I had to do morning press on the road man just to gu just to get through those interviews and just to be be on point I have to have something well folks don't realize you mean you know like what are you [ __ ] complaining about he you got to be there like 6:00 in the morning and you work till like 10:00 at night on most you know most nights even later yeah it's not even it's just the thing where just to be on point it's not and and I I try not to complain about just because it's part of it's part of the job and I'd rather do it than work construction any day but sometimes
mentally it's tough to do a morning interview but if I have so if I have you know take out ra before then I'm I'm Snappy I got jokes I got anecdotes and then I can kind of I know sometimes now I've learned how to you got to take an interview over sometimes or go on a not go on a rant but you have to not let them you know just cuz they can get into that cutting off your jokes and hey funny man hand just cutting you off with their weird so just learning how to how to do that and just having the energy and focus to be able to is is real helpful yeah the uh morning radio thing if like they're good it's great it's real fun if they're good and pro and supporter and set you up and but then sometimes they just like so what what's funny in the world right now like mother [ __ ] you fasing me that I did an interview the other day a guy asked me that exact question what's making you laugh right now oh come on SO Hann what are you talking about on stage oh man ha that's another one they do yeah some yeah somebody asked me that before a show I was doing in New York what are you talk about fan just came up like so what are we talking about today like uh you now you you know there's some dudes that would go well uh here's my new piece it's all about how man is constricted by uh first his mom and then his wife and uh then ultimately his lawyer yeah yeah I mean I guess the thing is just I I try to remember that people aren't coming from a shitty place normally they just don't know how to communicate to me in a way that won't make me feel cynical and hate them you know what I mean so I got to keep that in mind but in the moment like [ __ ] did just ask me what's funny world right now for someone who's not a comic they wouldn't understand how awkward that would be like you like when you can go on a radio show and they just let you talk right just hang out let's just hang out and be F hang out talk about stuff yeah bounce back and forth from each other yeah yeah it's not a lot of them they can do that though that's the problem do you ever do those radio tours where you have to call like 10 different people and then you realize like eight of them have the same voice like almost exactly but it's just a radio voice I don't know
what when it was tested when it was it was was was it a study that people like people like to listen to this right here we're live here in Nashville we got Hannibal birds in the studio we're live here in Cincinnati we got Han like there's a couple versions of that there's a couple versions of that where it's just you know and there's the sports guy as well Gus Johnson here for Showtime there's the news guy it's just the same as um rappers though too Like Rappers rap voice you talk to a rapper they might sound like me but then when and they rap like you know what it is so it's just a it's a persona it's just a Persona that you know works for that situation I like it though I like the the Gus Johnson type voice like of a guy's like when I say that about Gus Johnson I'm not putting him down like I like that professional here we are Madison Square Garden I don't want a guy who's like hey like me like I when I do the UFC there's a reason why I'm the color guy and I'm not the play-by-play guy I don't do the the big here we are UFC 152 like those guys are important like I like that I like it is I mean it is pageantry yeah it's pageantry there's a reason why Michael Buffer works well yeah that's even more so because he's an announcer you know announcer yeah let's get ready to rumble there pageantry dog it's pageant yeah yeah I'm not putting it down but it is weird radio it's weird in radio radio cuz you don't have to talk like radio is different because it's supposed to be your personality you know what I mean like sports that's a sports guy the news is the news but radio is supposed to be your Vibe but then you sound like the dude in St Louis also you sound like the dude who's all over the place selling every guy you know another place where that exists what was that strip club DJs uh yeah I've been trying to analyze this for many years and I think with strip club DJs it's like no one wants to hear a dude talking while girls are dancing naked you do not want to hear that guy so he's got to make it like a song like all right coming to the stage it's Amber remember everybody $14 kamakazi like there's an entertainment aspect to what he's doing it's like he's almost like he's singing a song but have you been to a black strip club in Atlanta though those DJs no those DJs
are the most amazing DJs vocally ever really because they drive the Tipping you know what I mean they cut in and out and they crack jokes I I last one I was it's just so funny like man you need to pay the [ __ ] like they tip that [ __ ] y'all [ __ ] in here y'all a't spending money they'll drop the track they come they cut the track back out spend some [ __ ] money look what she's doing up there she's up there like that the Atlanta DJs strip club amazing they Atlanta Atlanta probably just other black black strip clubs like the DJ drives that [ __ ] and is the driving force and is an Entertainer in addition to it add he adds to it see now I'm weighing the potential dangers of going to a black strip club in Atlanta with the entertainment aspect of how amazing not that dangerous man it's not dangerous guy like me no it's not like Jo Ro what's up Chelle show I'm sure I'm sure I need to go if I go with you if I go with you I can slide right in I'm not even that plugged in I play I play C but no I'm telling yeah the black in the black strip club the DJs the right are there famous ones it's F I don't know the names of cuz I I but you go to somewhere uh Magic City or or city a few other ones in Atlanta uh the DJ is is is important and makes the strippers more money and the strippers probably end up tipping out the DJ at the end of the night I'm sure yeah they have like an arrangement right yeah my friend Eddie used to work at a strip club I used to go and visit him at work watch he was a DJ so I got I got to see the craft yeah I got to see how everybody does it it's interesting the relationship they all have it becomes just like I mean you might as well be working in a restaurant everybody just develops the same place it's a workplace man workplace where people get naked and that's it's weird cuz it's porn porn is like that too like those people get used to each other and it becomes just like any other normal see you later good [ __ ] on you jizz on you see you soon that is probably funny when it's just somebody you [ __ ] like two years ago oh good to see you again yeah they I think they have a definitely a more relaxed attitude about it yeah you know if you run into somebody that used to [ __ ] out of nowhere you're like uh hey how you how you doing yeah this is me look at me
I see you naked you see me naked all right you take care Co don't mind that Mo it's weird when you haven't seen someone in 20 years and then you get to see like whoa this is weird this is weird hello nah heartly I met her she's a very nice lady she was doing Kevin pereira's podcast yeah yeah sat sat in with her and talked to her for a while she does everything with gloves on man really yeah she has like sex sessions with people she puts like surgical gloves on yeah she does corporates right does she I think a lot of them yeah a lot of them do uh they do like corporate games it's corporates in quotes in quotes I guess sort of yeah in a way I don't know corporates not corporates privates privates yes she probably does a lot of privates yeah like you know yeah very few Comics do privates imag what would you do if someone said hey man uh Hannibal BR I want you to come over and just do comedy just for me I'm just a big comedy fan but I don't like going to comedy clubs because it's [ __ ] I don't like laughing around other people so would you just do your act for me and I'll pay you what you get paid for like a regular show for a packed house for no I they had to charge them my my Corporate College rate okay Corporate College rate that would that would what I wouldn't want to do that so can I bring somebody with me well now you're worried about your safety don't worry the guy's only going to masturbate he promises nothing really crazy he just wants to watch you just he's going to keep his pants well keep a towel on nah I'm not doing that good cuz I don't need the money that bad cuz I got my own supplement business so I'm not you know I could do stuff as I want to do it you know all right how about if the dude Wears Like a space suit a space suit yeah just sits there with a space suit on no how long of a set [ __ ] full set man headline set for one dude for one dude can I bring an opener no no opener he to to warm up he's going to watch your past specials so I can't even I can't even draw from that stuff I got to do an hour new well if he was a fan man you he' already know [ __ ] imagine if you pay a dude to do a one-on-one show and he does
bits you already know like [ __ ] that was a [ __ ] from your last special crowd work so what's up this is crazy huh look at this place oh [Music] [ __ ] 50 G's that's my rate for that weird ass [ __ ] 50 g you know there's a dude out there thinking about it some [ __ ] Tech guy who's just super rich I'm G to get animal breast just do stand it would be less weird if it was him and his buddy that would be way less weird two dudes would be isn't it interesting like in instantly it becomes less gay yeah because it's just also laugh at being at a comedy show with some is about like looking at at the person like you know what I mean like the like doing the elbow so just doing stand up for one person is weird as hell don't you find it's weird even to watch it on television it it well I it it's a little the vibe is so much different so much different it's just a different energy and just it is it is it's not weird but it is where I've had people that say they saw my stuff online or they saw stuff on TV but then they saw me live and they like oh [ __ ] live it was crazy so it is just it's hard to translate the true energy that's in the room and just that that type of thing yeah they don't tune into you when they're watching the video they're just getting the words and the performance they're laughing but they're not tune into you there's some dudes like you'll see them on stage like Brian Ken is a perfect example yeah Brian Callen like if you watch him in a video he's hilarious but if you watch him live that dude like tune you tune into him it's infinitely better well yeah cuz the bits also you know you might see a a minute set out of somebody's hour set online you know but then in the in in somebody's hour Club set or theater set you didn't get to see how they enter and how they commanded the room at the beginning and how what they did at the beginning to allow them to be able to go to a weird place later where the audience already has that trust so it's it's a lot of different elements to live standup that get lost in the internet and TV yeah that's a a great point the the the building up like you know like I've had friends that were just starting out and they'll do something like they have a
bit and they'll do this bit like right away and I'm like you know what man the audience should probably get to know you better before you do that bit like they let them gain your trust first and then do that bit Yeah because the opening part of it like you're immediately you have to know you're a good person for that to be funny you got to know you're kidding right otherwise it's just gross yeah like I got a joke about uh the movie uh I Spit on Your Grave have you seen that yeah it's a weird movie and I do a bit about it but I would never open with it that joke is coming at least 25 30 minutes in yeah that's a touchy subject yeah is't that weird they have to have like trust in you yeah they have to have trust and like you can't yeah you have to establish your funny for a little bit yeah and that's really hard especially when you're starting out people don't know you you know once they come to a Hannibal paress show they know who you are they're they're here to see you but if you if you're starting out man if you're just a first you know first year guy yeah like man you got to really get these people's attention like you got to figure out a way to get them to trust you cuz they're going to make a judgment call on you within a couple minutes was yeah they'll judge your outfit especially a black a black crowd would like while you walking up like ah his shoes so you already lost half the audience shoes are whack his shirt looks kind of weird fitting that's you already got to work hard yeah yeah damn that's hilarious why are black clubs so much more um judgmental it's just the I mean it's just a level of performance and just you know they demand more they demand more and just you know the the best black Comics has just been great performance you know what I mean so you talk about yeah just the red fox and Richard Pryor and Bernie like these guys were not only you know great joke writers and stuff but they performed and they would crush and so it's just a a higher standard for performing also in uh black clubs or black uh showcase nights the host is usually the star of the show a lot of the time you know what I mean where on the road in in an improv of funny bone the MC is local sometimes he's good but for the most part that they uh the host is not going to be that great which is
not cool because that's who's setting the tone for the show and just that's who the first person in the audience seeing you know they got babysitters and all that and they the the host the first person on stage is and whereas the host at a black is the usually you know has a local following is great crushes does 20 or 30 up top sometimes wow and so it's just a different thing so then the the NEX act has to be able to follow this amazing host with a great following so it ends up with a lot of comedians being a lot of black comedians being real strong performers uh early on I think that's interesting because you know Chris Rock said that about his career that like one time he had a go on after Martin Lawrence yeah and then he he it was a turning point in his career cuz he realized that he had performed to too many white crowds yeah and he was like white crowds made him lazy like he didn't even realize he had gotten into this sort of like lower energy sort of right mode of Performing yeah yeah I was uh I mean I wouldn't say it was black crowds that gave me a [ __ ] but I'm a little bit higher energy now than I was in my first uh CD but it's that's just from UM playing oh [ __ ] that's just from playing uh bigger venues and learning J is Spill I spill coffee again on my [ __ ] computer coffee on his computer this is unbelievable man I've done this like four times in the last month [ __ ] man you know what it is man I keep this coffee cup right here and I talk with my [ __ ] hands because I have peasant Roots is that is that what that means yeah it's okay the computer's going to be fine okay cool it was just a minor Apple take careit but it was no it wasn't they'll be like [ __ ] this is the third time you came here you get the [ __ ] out of here stupid there's a 24-hour Apple Store in uh Manhattan that's got to be interesting it's very interesting cuz I needed to get a new iPhone uh last and I went in there faded and nothing the worst person in the world is a drunk with a customer service issue I was the worst dude how drunk were you I was drunk enough to where I'm worried that they all hack into my [ __ ] oh that's hilarious ah it was pretty I feel bad about it I was just like cuz the dude they weren't helpful I had missed my appointment I had a 12:30
appointment I popped in at two like give me a new phone I was the worst and the dude's name was Jesus and I was like come on Jesus and we were going back and forth cuz he was he wasn't he wasn't great to me but he also wasn't I was being a dick too you know what I mean so and I was drunk I felt bad about it yeah I felt bad about it the next day I was like God damn it I'm in an Apple Store being drunk must get drunk people all the time in Apple Stores probably I mean 24hour Apple Store they used to my yeah come on man if you're getting your iPhone fixed at 4:00 in the morning you got to be [ __ ] up yeah man can you get an activated iPhone at 4:00 in the morning an activated iPhone at 4:00 in the morning I want to do that I just want I don't even want to get another iPhone Cu uh yeah it's a 24hour uh Apple store cuz I had to get a new laptop last week so 24-hour Apple Store 24-hour Best Buy so I I like I did my shopping late went and got a computer went to Best Buy grabbed Xbox One late at night it was great shopping yeah W yeah I heard about the Best Buy the 24-hour Best Buy that's like near college right it's uh it's not too far from NYU yeah it's in Union Square that's the one thing that Manhattan has it's this 24-hour thing like almost you know what they don't have anymore though is pool halls they used to have a 24-hour pool hul I don't think they have have that anymore that's gone they used to have this place Chelsea Billiards there was quite a few places but Chelsea was the big one that was open 24 hours a day go there at 4:00 in the morning and you a big pool guy yeah yeah I love pool what about what do you think about Trick Shot Pool stupid really pointless yeah I like trick shot pool trick shot pool is like uh tying a duck to a stick and shooting it out of the sky yeah that's what it's like the difference between you get to choose your shots that's ridiculous the whole idea of pool is figuring out the patterns and moving the ball around controlling the Q ball making shots and and and running out the table presents you with a problem you have to figure out that problem and get out this is some stupid thing that you practice over and over again it's just all you have to do is just poke at the stick and the balls go in the right
direction cuz you set them up that's dumb oh man I guess it's good it's it's entertaining TV you know what it is you know what and and I understand your thought process behind it but yeah but you know I don't I don't get to see them practice yeah you just see the shot I see them do the shot that [ __ ] looks cool it does look cool don't get me wrong I've seen trick shots that look cool but I don't I've been playing pool for 20 years I don't know how to do one yeah I can't do one trick shot yeah like I played pretty decent but I can't I don't know any of them I have no desire to learn them either they just don't make any sense to me it's like who car you set you know when people do that like say if a a professional came to your pool hall and was doing a demonstration people like to see trick shots yeah like if you hire a guy like Earl Strickland Earl Strickland comes to your pool hall he's going to you know he'll do some trick shots for you I like this of course you know I'm like you know pool celebrities too I know few pool names yeah yeah I get into [ __ ] man when I'm when I'm into [ __ ] I get into it yeah you got you should get pull cues man I got p no I mean your own business Joe Joan PES nah n that's not probably no pool Q's you only want to buy from a dude who actually makes a pool queue there's a thing about pool Q Artisans they they make pool q's and like when you buy them from a guy who's like a like a zambot or a tascarella like people have these names like they make these exotic pool cues out of wood and their craftsmanship and they cut them and place him precisely and it's a big like art form to it oh so you wouldn't want to buy my [ __ ] po I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm doing can't buy a pool CU with my name on it stupid you'd be an idiot yeah you want to buy a Southwest you know you want to buy a a G Q you want to buy Q's that have a name to them okay cool there's like a long-standing art form of it's almost like a samurai sword type of thing where there like certain artists that are preferred over other artists certain Artisans that have a like a long history pass down from father to son it's very common wow yeah actually I mean I'd be pissed why be like man I don't want to be in the P business then I'm passing on on this pool Q bit I
don't even like pool dad well if you did like pool then it would be good but if you wanted to be a comedian I could see your point yeah long hours in the shop breathing in [ __ ] sawdust and glue fumes and [ __ ] yeah working in a paint booth one of those gas masks on yeah that would be it's not for Hannibal barass it's not for it's not for me it's not for a lot of people it might not be for one of those father son teams they might not like that [ __ ] maybe I would have to talk to them work is work individually I hope I don't get an angry tweet from the southwest Pool Company I'm sure you would I'm sure they would be pissed yeah yeah there's uh quite a few people that take that very seriously yeah well are you into anything do you play any games or anything do you do anything on the road do you bowl got a marble collection I don't have a marble collection I play video games a little bit I'm uh but I'm trying to think of my other stuff that I do I'm a pretty pretty boring dude man I play video games do comedy go to concerts and that's pretty much it I yeah keep track of my frequent flyer miles very uh heavily now boring stuff how hardcore do you get with the video games do you actually bring console with you on the road are you one of those dudes no I can't do that there's a lot of dudes that get crazy with that yeah cuz n cuz I it makes it more it makes it more exciting for when I get back home cuz that kind of is how I you know I'm really at home if I'm sitting at home playing video Gam if I've been gone for 10 days like all right relax I'm home play a game so that's that's the thing I I leave the game at home that's a good move but I get into it I I'm I only play two games GTA and NBA 2K14 that's it that's pretty much it that's CU I'm always gone so I don't have time to be switching games see you want to get some skills learn the game and then enjoy it you have to learn new [ __ ] just learn a new game I might try out this Titanfall I got that uh for the Xbox one I haven't played it yet though I keep hearing incredible things people have like emailed me if you're thinking about getting back into video games this is the video game to get back into with I'm get the [ __ ] away from me yeah and that's the thing so you probably you don't have time to play you
got kids and you got a lot of work I'll be thinking about that too when I'm playing because I can play for three or four hours straight like should I be playing this or should I be writing a script should I really be playing against this 13y old like talking [ __ ] to him I don't talk [ __ ] I might send a if I might if they talking cuz I don't I can't have a strange I can't I don't put it on the headset when it's a strange I can't just have a stranger having that much access to my brain like that I already I already do that with Twitter I can't have their voice right yeah could you imagine if that's the new Twitter if people just be able anonymously talk [ __ ] to you right to your ear yeah just like how you get your app mentions on Twitter if you can just get like one after other a bunch of people talking [ __ ] in your ear your glasses were smudged on TV [ __ ] you look stupid up there kind of sneakers of those where'd you get that jacket that suck man I delete you know what I I delete my Twitter app sometimes just cuz I I spend too much time on it do you really but then I end up putting it back on like two days later but I but the times that I'm trying to have like and I'm try two hours a day where I just unplug two awake hours a day where I unplug no computer no phone so I either read write or work out or just talk or just chill but no looking at the phone no email no text phone none of that so that's what I'm I'm trying to do just cuz I I found when my phone was broken I had I didn't have my phone for a day it just was broken I found that I was I was a little bit more productive I read I read a little bit of a book I wrote like six jokes or something and I was I felt uh a way more clear-headed because I wasn't just checking people's you weren't tethered I was wasn't tethered I wasn't checking Twitter obsessively and compulsively and yeah so that that's what that's my new [ __ ] yeah I get Tethered to that [ __ ] phone man it's weird it's tough man it's weird when you're out and you just have this desire to check your email for no reason what the [ __ ] like it's nothing that important in an email cuz if it was it'd be a phone call yeah especially when you know you're not in the middle of doing anything it's not like you're
like a deal is about to go down like all right Hannibal stay near the phone we're going to call you said that even if it was was going down it's not going away yeah it's not going away yeah the deal was going to go down but you didn't get back to us you didn't get back to us in 20 minutes we thought you one of the most hilarious guys of all time in a future Superstar but time is of the essence time is of the essence we we just called some other dude that we had on our list of guys whose day to make and he checks his phone all the time it does get like that though when it's casting when they get casting when it gets down to Casting you like whether or not you agree to take a show like they give you offer and there's a counter offer they have offers on someone else and then you know there's like a backup offer well if Hannibal gets crazy with the money we got this dude waiting the wings there is that they they they that'll that'll definitely keep you near your phone yeah but that's another beautiful thing about the internet it's like that [ __ ] we were talking about like you used to need a show like guys used to go away if they didn't have a show if they didn't have something that put them out there to the crowd yeah that's all gone away now you could get your own show if you want to do you're great at podcasting you could just start a [ __ ] podcast I thought about starting a podcast you totally should do a podcast you would have a hilarious podcast if you had a podcast I would for sure download that [ __ ] well thank you man I would subscribe to it 100% thanks a lot I had I actually recorded six episodes of a podcast it was called talking to strangers and I just talked to legit people that people that I never met before or that that weren't in comedy at all that's a great idea but then now now I mean that would be me driving the listenership every time yeah which is you know but still Bill Bird does a podcast where he just talks by himself yeah just him rting so does Greg poops GRE Greg proops does a live one he does a show called the smartest man in the world yeah it's hilarious just just him ask questions ask questions that [ __ ] could rant like no one yeah Greg PS can he can just go and he's smart as [ __ ] so he has like hours of information in his head
the dude has so much information in his head like he went on a rant about Columbus like I've read a bunch of [ __ ] about Columbus I knew quite a bit about Columbus but Greg PRS went on this mad rant explaining what a [ __ ] Columbus really was how [ __ ] evil you know those people were back then yeah you could be evil back then cuz there was no Twitter you could be evil and unchecked no Facebook no Facebook nobody like you're evil am I evil [ __ ] I should chill out Columbus is holding a baby in one hand a sword in the other put this you can just be evil cuz you just had you were evil and you had your four friends who were also evil enablers MH just live life being evil isn't that funny that that is the case that especially when you get to a new land like you get in a wooden boat and you travel to their half of the world where it's in your eyes completely wild right you know and they can come up with all sorts of justifications why they should just start murdering people yeah and then they find out these people have gold oh [ __ ] yeah must have been so easy to be evil back then you're actually right yeah Twitter keeps people from being as evil TW well entertainers entertainers well God we call Columbus an Entertainer well no but that's what I'm saying it wouldn't I mean I don't know if the he would have been affect about Twitter but is something funny to think about but yeah that is crazy just just to be just that type for that mind state that so long ago we're going to this place and we're going to do some [ __ ] I don't know what we're doing well it's notorious when someone shows up on a boat like this is probably the only time in human history that when a boat full of strangers shows up in your store people aren't going to die yeah every other time in human history once that boat showed up most likely people were [ __ ] dying most likely some terrible shit's going to get down some crazy Desperados who are starving to death they're going to hop off that boat and they're going to have swords and bows and arrows and cannons and they're going yeah cuz they're hungry yeah [ __ ] yeah they're hungry there's they got scurvy there's no [ __ ] they're eating rats and [ __ ] old rice I mean what what are
they going to do when they get off there they're gonna they're going to take whatever they want they're gonna they're going to go crazy especially when there's no Twitter yeah no Twitter to say hey man chill on hey chill out on the pillages like in the last 100 years is probably the only time where it's it's not a a terrifying moment when a boat pulls up every other time before that the 1700s or whatever it was 1492 Columbus sail the ocean blue all that [ __ ] that was a terrible time when someone pulled up in a boat terrible time boats like yeah tanks yeah and then tanks now when tanks pull up something bad is happening or was happening or was about to happen exactly a battleship yeah yeah that's a long but do you think they knew that something ter what was going to happen right away or was it they were they were open at first right well did you ever see that movie there's a movie um I think it's what the bleep do we know that tried I think it's this movie tries to present this argument they think that the Native Americans might not have even been able to see the boat because they had no point of reference that being a which is stupid as [ __ ] to me that would make no sense because there's a lot of unique events that you only see for the first time like the idea they wouldn't be able to see it is I think it's just some woo woo [ __ ] I think it's some non-scientific [ __ ] that some people try to pass off that's my take on it as a non-scientific [ __ ] artist yeah but uh I think they wouldn't have known what the [ __ ] it was if they had never seen a boat before and then all a sudden like when the Conquistadors landed the the the people who Liv like the Aztecs thought that they were Gods cuz they never seen a person on a horse before they had never seen that they didn't know what the [ __ ] was going on they saw these people on horses they thought the horse was a part of them they thought they were Gods like they' never seen anything before that's crazy they think that at one point in time most of North America did not have horses that horses were brought here from somewhere else so the Native American Indians didn't used to have horses in the beginning w Wait so they brought horses on these boats yeah horses came from somewhere else wow
so horse that was a horrible boat ride so you cuz you talking about days and days yeah with a horse with a horse weeks and feeding weeks probably months right I mean how long did it take for Columbus to get from Spain to uh the Bahamas I don't I don't know had' be months I would imagine it would be months months of travel months of travel makes sense mean you're on a boat that has to be blown around by the wind you're trying to get across the biggest body of water known to man that shit's ridiculous a ocean you're going to get across an ocean on a floating piece of a tree that's the stupidest [ __ ] thing I've ever heard so you going to do it with horses so do you get to take everything was you think he just felt entitled just like man it was long as [ __ ] I think people back then were ruthless I think they were dealing with completely different times people died younger the the amount of time you were on this planet was very short the average person didn't get their [ __ ] together probably like 30 30 something years life expectancy I mean there was a few people that lived longer but most people probably died off at 30 well and also the uh infant mortality rate was so high that it lowers the the the average age of death it lowers it because of that like in infant mortality was through the roof it was like 50% of the kids would die back then like during the Roman times I believe it was 50% child mortality rate he had two kids one would be dead for sure ye yeah and that's normal that was normal so I think their their whole idea of like what what's violent what's evil what's good what's bad it was just completely different they were used to way more barbarism way more murder way way you know they would marry Antoinette they would they would [ __ ] think about when they would have those gigantic Town executions they would use the guillotine and cut someone's [ __ ] head off in the Town Square we just think that people used to do that that that is that is that is pretty bananas like we like now the guillotine is kind of you know used as a joke in movies or and stuff like yeah the guillotine but yeah the fact that that was real is insane it was real and it removed your head and you were conscious for a few minutes before you before you
would die wait yeah your head would be separated from your body your body would be dying but as the oxygen in your brain is slowly leaking out like you're you're conscious for probably not a few minutes but probably at least a few seconds well you say man that is [ __ ] up yeah you're looking up at a basket you're like oh you got to be [ __ ] kidding me you I I didn't do anything that bad well you all you had to do was just piss the wrong person off that had power and they would just be off with their head they would just off with your head that was like a common thing no can we talk it can we talk it through a little bit you need any work done no off with your head isn't it funny too that they would do that [ __ ] publicly like that's what we avoid now we don't want the public even seeing coffins like you're not allowed to take photographs of uh coffins of veterans when they're coming back yeah the the bush uh Administration made that illegal which is kind of [ __ ] crazy you're not even allowed to see a picture of someone who dies at War forget about see like a prisoner getting executed you're not allowed to see any of that [ __ ] yeah yeah I mean I don't want to see that prisoner getting executed no if I sent you a link you'd click it if I sent you a link and it says uh you know okay let's think of someone just undeniably evil uh Hitler okay if I sent you a link and it dude you want to watch this video there's Hitler getting executed how's he getting executed he's going to get his head cut off with a sword what mental state am I in sober drunk High uh depends on when you get home uh I sent you the email at 700 p.m. what other emails do I have if you had uh some new information about your standup comedy special soon to be out on Comedy Central yeah on uh yeah it's out on Comedy Central direct right now and comes out midnight on uh Saturday on Comedy Central yes some information about that or or the Hitler thing oh yeah I click that [ __ ] man I I know I click it yeah I'd click it too I've clicked on some [ __ ] I shouldn't have clicked yeah the most recent one was um some Mexican dude cutting his girlfriend's head off for cheating one of the drug lords like it's it it's so obviously real as
[ __ ] so obviously real like boys who was filming it his friends yeah was one of the cartel guys that's crazy yeah there's some crazy cartel videos there's cartel videos of them using chainsaws and cutting dude's heads off but almost I mean I know how [ __ ] up it is to cut your girlfriend's head off for cheating but in that you almost understand it no no no I'm talking about in their world where you talking about machismo and and also being a cartel leader and your girlfriend and everybody knowing that she cheated like he had to to maintain his cartel [ __ ] that's true be it's awful it's awful nobody [ __ ] say Hannibal condones beheading of cheating too late like no they're writing a salon.com article right now but part of rape culture but that is that is insane dud you had that up there I'm glad I didn't look uh no we didn't have it up no no no we're not going to show up I don't want to see that [ __ ] yeah but that's that's he cut he with a knife that's recent oh yeah it's hard to watch man it's really hard to watch then he holds her head up like the reason she was cheating is because he was so busy running a cartel I don't know what their history was but I'm sure I would assume he's in the wrong I'm sure running cartel is very time consuming and she needed some dick she still it doesn't mean that she didn't love him yeah I would say the same if I was there while this argument was going down he's like I'm going to cut her [ __ ] head off like dude relax dude you come on she she appreciates you let's kick her to the she just was she just needed some attention she needed a little dick come on now now List look at it this way you got a [ __ ] green light to cheat however you they actually the green light in the cartel they just do whatever the [ __ ] they want right yeah at this point in time I mean how much money those guys have they I mean they they have cartels where the the head guys have like a billion dollars like it's like make Al Capone look ridiculous are we are we in danger of being aack by a cartel now I don't think so I don't think they've ever developed like real legitimate military power but what they have developed is local power like they don't have no I mean me and you as individuals no we haven't said anything bad okay cool what have we said
bad I don't know they make a lot of money and they don't tolerate cheating all right yeah so are we part of cartel propaganda that's it's interesting if we were probably if we were cartel sympathizers yeah but I don't think we are I don't think so I think what we are is look the whole reason why cartels exist is what we were talking about earlier should cocaine be legal well if cocaine's not legal who's going to sell it because people are going to smoke it snort it smoke it whatever they do with it shoot it some people shoot it they're going to do it they're going to do it who's going to profit right criminals is it better to have fizer cell Coke or is it better to have the the the the mafia down in uh yeah fiser I say fizer I say let fizer profit off of it so Joe what you're saying is that if cocaine was legal this woman would still be alive you know what you might have a point there I think I mean it's a long way to go but it just you know I think that's what it is well I definitely think some people would be alive yeah there would be less violence there would be less violence it'll be less money spent in jails on jails what they've done in Portugal is a a clear indicator that we're on the wrong path with with keeping everything illegal and locking people up putting private prisons up throwing people in there profiting off the fact they're in there Portugal they've lowered everything they've lowered the rates of addiction they've lowered violent crime they' lower the amount of money they have to spend on legal fees and courts and prisons they've lowered all that [ __ ] just by decriminalizing all drugs they just made it so that people aren't [ __ ] locked up as criminals anymore for a choice like choose alcohol which will [ __ ] you up man you and I okay listen I was in the Apple Store last week trust me but we could get [ __ ] up in like 20 minutes Jamie could go back there break out some whiskey and we could just start doing shots within 15 minutes we would be unrecognizable slurring [ __ ] you could get [ __ ] up in like a short amount of time with alcohol like a really short amount of time yeah why is that legal and Co on why arbit completely arbitrary doesn't make there's no logical sense there's no it doesn't make sense the same type of
person who would go on a Coke binge will also go on a drunken Rampage yeah well you can't go on a Coke Rampage you could go on both okay you could go on a a drunken binge yeah you can go on a drunken Rampage you can go on a Coke binge or a Coke Rampage yeah but I I agree with you I'd rather be around the guy on coke so there well here you go you got a A drunk you know a drunk problem America's got a giant drunk problem we got alcohol everywhere people die of alcohol by the hundreds of thousands drunk drivers mhm all that [ __ ] what's better though Coke drivers or drunk drivers I don't know man I think uh I don't know I don't know the stats man if you had a guess if I had to guess would you rather be in a car with a dude is coked up or a dude is drunk and he's driving I think the coked up dude would be driving fast but he'll make those Lane shifts like a [ __ ] I think he he'll be like you oh [ __ ] how'd you do that man yeah don't worry door I got it I got it got I got it I got it I got it when we open up our business I'm going to take you to driving schol he'll be pulling right into parking spots that you normally have to parallel into he just pull right in tight spots how'd you do that slide is dude let's open up a driving business I'm [ __ ] offw a driver driver we had to do cool driver is schol man when I was a kid I passed it the first time I tried I got the written [ __ ] the driver [ __ ] I got all the information I got the knowledge my dad's got books I just need $100,000 come on man let's do this let's make money let's make money be come on man we'll get some [ __ ] it' be great yeah definitely I would talk to the Coke guy first and I would drive with the Coke guy first yeah look at that folks also I would what where am I I would probably try to drive too but that was that [ __ ] up everything oh I would definitely Drive if I had the option I would be the guy driving over the drunk driver or the coke driver I would definitely yeah but if you couldn't drive for some strange reason drive like I'm I'm injured and I need somebody to take me to the hospital and only only person is the coke friend or the drunk friend Coke friend is taking
me to the hospital yeah or you're on The Walking Dead and you get picked up on the side of the road and you're just happy it's not a zombie and the dude is on coke got to R yeah I would definitely if I had to fight zombies you want to do some I want the dude that's on coke with me fighting zombies I would want to do it on PCP oh PCP yes yeah that's the kind that's the [ __ ] you want yes but he would make irrational choices what about they do they do crazy [ __ ] but he'd be all he have a stren oh meth somebody on meth fighting zombies that's a good move too which is like an accelerated version of Aderall yeah really yeah yeah it is yeah somehow another related at all except for the teeth The Teeth part that's the the real accelerated The Teeth part the teeth thing what do you mean the teeth thing and the destroying your face thing oh what you mean with meth with meth oh yeah rot your teeth out rot your just any form of speed once they start doing speed I think they forget to brush too that's part of it part of brush uh just m mouth is a is a real I haven't I haven't done that much research on meth because it hasn't affected my life that much it's that messed up I mean sometimes I research stuff that doesn't have to deal with me but Meth mouth is a is a real is a real issue dude it's in Wikipedia you're 100% right Meth mouth is is a ter by itself it is look there's a whole page in Wikipedia Meth mouth oh that's horrible yeah go to Meth mouth on Wiki yeah so I don't think there's anything called adderal mouth that's just a dry mouth you drink a lot of water end up hydrating yourself you're in better health this is insane oh my God Dental condition characterized by severe Decay and loss of teeth as well as fracture enamel erosion and other oral problems symptomatic of extended use of the drug methamphetamine the specific cause of the condition is unknown although drug induced H zeros zeroo zeria zeria dry mouth why don't just call it dry mouth why you got to get crafty with something I can't even pronounce as well as broism which is grinding of the teeth are thought to be involved wow this is crazy they grind their own [ __ ] teeth off that picture is a classic Meth mouth like you could
tell by looking at the other teeth that person isn't even that [ __ ] old they just did some crazy [ __ ] to their teeth yeah I hope the party was awesome poor nutrition eating too much sugar lack of dental hygiene common among long-term users of the drugs I didn't know that meth users eat a lot of sugar but that totally makes sense the legitimacy of meth Mouse as a unique condition has been questioned because of the similar effects of some other drugs on the teeth treating Meth mouth is difficult yeah cuz your teeth are gone you yeah the best treatment for me mouth is uh veneers yeah you'd have to just chew them all down and get some dental implants new teeth some bulletproof teeth yeah man yeah have you ever seen a person has like a like a tooth where they do the root they a gentle implant no not Dent impant crazy I got veneers though I got TV teeth you got some uh they what do they do they scrape the outside off and put a beautiful shell on yeah these these front FRS TV teeth man those are beautiful let me say smile oh those are pretty yeah man do they make them perfect is that what it is that's how you got them yeah cuz I had a tip tooth and a gap and I was like man I'm probably going to be on TV a lot in the next few years let me fix this real quick so I got it fixed in 2011 I got him fixed there's something sexy about a really hot girl with a gap in her teeth something like extra sexy like yeah girls with gaps used to to connect with me like you got a gap I got a gap like not for long it doesn't bother me though does it bother you if a pretty girl has a gap in her teeth no not at all not even a little bit right no not at all it was just my own thing I was like I'mma Be On TV I don't want to have cracked teeth on TV but a gap is different than snaggle teeth yeah if there's all they're all snaggle like what my bottom teeth are kind of snaggle like sh this one one is one that goes back it's all [ __ ] up I'm not going to get it fixed I'm a man okay and my top ones are fine don't give a [ __ ] but if I was a girl yeah nobody wants to look at a snaggly tooth mouth girl yeah it's just a yeah snaggly is yeah snaggly is not a good look it's not good when you get the extra teeth those weird people that have extra teeth that pop out of
the gums in weird spots yeah that's it's just you know all men are not created equal but why do we give a [ __ ] why why does anybody care about if someone's teeth are not perfectly in line like what is what part of our brain is being bothered by the lack of symmetry yeah it's just that's what it is it's just symmetry I don't know what part it is but people like symmetry for the same reason it might I mean it wouldn't anger me but if this painting was like a little bit off I'll be like oh what it's a little bit off the other ones look their on point but if it was a little bit off I would I would notice it it would [ __ ] with you I should [ __ ] with I should tilt Jimmy Hendrick noticeably just to [ __ ] with the next guest yeah just leave it there kind of cockeyed not say [ __ ] about it I'm gonna do that don't don't tell Adam coroll I'm gonna [ __ ] with him I'm gonna twist that [ __ ] up yeah so it's just I think yeah it's just a human brain likes you know symmetry symmetry perfect lines you know yeah but why but why I don't know at a certain point in time logic should take over but it doesn't there's C that [ __ ] just looks good man you know I mean just you like if somebody got a weird tooth it's just the same reason why you know if your car got if your car got hit in the in the in the front headlight and smashed in a little bit the car still runs well but you want that [ __ ] fixed cuz it looks dumb I agree with you 100% I'm just trying to figure out why why [ __ ] we like [ __ ] that looks good man I know we do but is that weird right why like are you a car guy do you like cars I do like cars like what's your favorite car I don't uh I got a few fa actually favorite if they're listening I like the linoln MKS that's a beautiful car uh yeah I like that car that's a spaceship yeah I like that car yeah and uh what else I mean I like some benzes uh yeah the was it is one pull pull up the 2014 Mercedes-Benz S-class pull up a picture of this yeah this is like uh you know if you think about like the cream of the crop of like luxury automobiles like a mercedesbenz like there's no ugly Mercedes-Benz they have a bunch of German scientist that are [ __ ] trying to figure out what the Symmetry is pull up get go to do a Google search of silver 2014
Mercedes-Benz S-class look how this there there's something beautiful about it in Escape beautiful but when you look at the picture like why like what the [ __ ] is it like what is it about that thing design and it's just yeah it looks slick as [ __ ] look at that gr Grill is a big part of it you can't say [ __ ] about that car no one can say that's not a good-look car yeah that's a masterpiece right they they designed to make it smooth and if you get in that car and drive off you're a [ __ ] who's going somewhere yeah someone who sits in that car and they're at traffic like that's a guy who's doing or a gal who's doing well you have a beautiful car look at him and his mercedesbenz a smooth car probably rides well [ __ ] why is why is it why does it look good well why some things look good to you and they don't look good to me like here's something I have a friend who loves those [ __ ] stupid Mercedes uh those bread truck looking things those old school ones that real Square Splinter or the uh what are they called Sprinter they look like a Jeep they look like a Jeep but it's the big is I think you talking about a sprinter it's some people use as tour bus oh no that one the G5 yeah that's the one I take it back Mercedes doesn't make one ugly car it's this one that's ugly as far yeah I wouldn't I don't like I guess it's just but sometimes the brand can take over it is totally take over that shit's Square as [ __ ] but people love it I mean don't get me wrong someone gave me one I would drive it I'm sure it's lovely to drive Mercedes is they're masterpieces of engineering but you know look at that and then like look at a new Range Rover you want to look at like a beautiful SUV pull up the image of the the new Range Rover and you see like a futuristic beautiful looking SUV but it's why what is it what why do I like one or the other I never could figure out what it is that appeals I don't know what it is it's just uh it's uh it just varies by person like I got these shoes a company sent me these shoes and they sent me some shoes that look great and they send me some shoes I'm like what the [ __ ] I would never wear this and so my little cousin she was visiting me from college she visited me in New York last week and I was like look at these
ugly [ __ ] shoes they look like if Chester Cheetah wore purple and she was like those look great those what I want to give those to my boy those shoes are awesome I was like what the [ __ ] and so it's just subjective you know know what I mean people people you know people it's just subjective some people's eyes like different things some people have different Aesthetics and just taste and that's what it is cuz I thought those shoes were gross and I will never wear I still won't never wear them but there's some people that might like those shoes I thought yeah I'm totally with you I always wondered I want see that's a new uh look at the difference between those two this this is a boxy looking bread truck and that's a spaceship that's a beautiful spaceship I've always wanted to know what you see like anybody any other person I always I assume that everybody sees what I see I assume that you know when you're looking at Meth mouth you see the same thing I'm looking at when you're looking at these pictures but I don't know you know I really don't know I'm just guessing I mean imagine if you use somebody's eyes if you see through somebody's and the whole world's completely different a totally different vibe you mean see just as far as the visual or see as far as how people process things both with their brain well that's a totally different yeah that's crazy oh do you you probably you you smoke so you probably like how do I look when I move around to other people you ever see yourself on video and you're like whoa is that I move around like that oh [ __ ] I was fat then that was a fat day oh man should have got a haircut oh man my posture I actually you know what's funny with my I did uh I did Letterman a couple years ago and I hate it cuz my suit is horrible but not only is my suit horrible but my entrance is sucks I walk out on letter and I'm like bounding now like like it's the worst it's no conf I mean it's conf but it's that like I don't look how I thought I looked when I was walking out like yeah I'm walking out on letter in my mind and I see the video can you pull it up I see the video I'm like like it's not it's just like real heavy look at or maybe I'm over analyzing it too but that suit is horri horrible look at that garbage suit there's nothing wrong
with that suit that suit is garbage man what's garbage about it the fit of it is tight it's weird I think I button the wrong button it's a weird fit I think it's fine man yeah you're [ __ ] with yourself did you did you get crazy were you high when you looked at this and got freaked out by it no it's just when it like yeah I mean my girlfriend gives me [ __ ] about it sometimes like she gives a [ __ ] about that video that suit yeah that suit she's like that suit was horrible was another time I a horrible suit cuz I got better Suits now so I'll see it I'm like man that suit sucks are you a suit guy do you get like your suits tailored [ __ ] you do that uh I got my first tailor suit a few weeks ago for this event I did for the Bulls in Chicago so I needed a suit last minute so I like I splurged on a suit and got a nice one and it was it was killer and I'm making sure that I I wear as many events as I can just to get my money's worth for the suit that's a sign of being a grown-up man you get a nice suit yeah it was it man yeah it tailed it there and it felt slick and it was a it was a smooth suit and then that's what made me realize that my other suits were garbage when I put on a good suit I was like and then I'm like this is this is how a suit should look I looked at the other [ __ ] I was like oh [ __ ] I was on TV like that my every TV special I've ever done has been like a t-shirt or you know long sleeve t-shirt jeans usually yeah I don't want to dress in a way that I don't normally dress when I'm comfortable right you know yeah I I don't uh for my like for TV appearances just to or like uh late night shows like doing a set I'll put on a suit just to out of respect for the show you know what I mean right right right but uh for my special my first one I just wore a button up and then my latest one I just I wore a jacket over uh I wore a nice jacket over a t-shirt which is just it's is amazing because people like that's just jeans and t-shirt but you put a jacket people like holy [ __ ] you look great I just put a jacket over my regular [ __ ] a jacket makes you look like you're a professional but also just makes people you you like it's funny how clothes will determine how people just approach you and just how people treat
you and how people talk to you and how people respond to the [ __ ] you have to say like a clo a jacket or a suit will just change especially if you're a young man yeah you know especially if you're like a man in his 20s yeah a guy in his 20s with a suit is totally different than a guy in his 20s with a t-shirt yeah it's yeah it is it's just you listen that person seems more intelligent all of a sudden respectful they more respectful that dress it's weird that that that that's like how did that I think about that too like how did suits become how did that become the way to dress like was one dude like I'm going to wear this and like people like that looks good where do I get that [ __ ] at yeah a dude who has like a suit and tie on is holding a clipboard automatically you take him seriously you take him seriously you defer to him I got to ask him something let me be respectful he might shut me down he might ruin my life he might ruin my night the same kid with flipflops on and a t-shirt a pair of shorts look at this piece of [ __ ] how do he get this job who is he yeah imagine if you went to a Mercedes dealership and you wanted to buy one of those beautiful cars the guy working behind the counter wearing [ __ ] flipflops and yeah shorts he want he's telling you all this crazy [ __ ] about Mercedes like Sayes that the engineering is the finest in all of Europe and what they do is what and You' be like I listen this [ __ ] idiot with stupid feet I'm looking at his feet look at his feet look at his toes he got something in between his toes but you know what I don't like is that sometimes people will use that against you well I'll stay at a nice hotel and a person that's sometime people at the hotel they dress nice and they'll they'll take on a Vibe like they own the hotel it's like relax relax a little bit uh sir we do not allow that in in this sh MMA and I I want to say sir I think you make 30 to 50,000 a year calm down like they but they talk like in this way like the king like relax a little bit and so like maybe and then maybe if I had on a suit I'd be like sir you shut the [ __ ] up I am also a suit right now that's true right if you wear flipflops and a dude is wearing a suit
he automatically is one up in you mhm and if you you could be a rich [ __ ] dude unless you got a crazy fat watch if you show show up if you're checking into a fancy hotel and you wearing the flip flops but you got some stupid [ __ ] gigantic $20,000 watch on your and people know it and you're gesturing with your hands a lot you see this big [ __ ] chunky Diamond crusted watch like oh okay we got to listen this guy let him talk a little bit he's got some money but yeah I mean I think that's I do I actually like dressing horribly in in like high level situations like I love I get upgraded or I fly first a lot and I love being in like jogging pants I love being young black dude in jogging pants in first class and people like who with a with a fitted hat on and my headphones and people like what the [ __ ] is it how did he how is he where is he how do you think he what do you think he and my favorite thing I don't know what it is if it's my demeanor or whatever but I like it cuz I like my my nobody ever talk to me in first just about nobody nobody ever I'm always probably a rich rich celebrity nobody ever talks to me in first whereas my my girl when she'll fly first like I hear about her she'll tell me I talk this business guy was blah blah blah and I met this rapper was on the plane with me and this like these people will just Babble monster her Babble mon is a term my cousin made well some people just talk to you when you don't want them to talk like people monopolize Babble but people will just talking obviously cuz she's a girl but it's just a funny thing where people won't even engage usually with me on the plan I got an ear beating from me and Tommy saguro do you know Tom saguro yeah me and Tommy seura were on a flight once and this woman who was the uh the attendant on the flight she gave us the most unbelievable ear beating I've ever experienced in my life it was just staggering her stamina her her ability to not recognize clue her breath the whole thing we she asked us if we would like some wine and uh we said uh sure and I forget what Tommy asked for if you got ask for Cabernet or Peno Noir like do you have a you know you have a whatever you ask for a typical and she started cracking some joke about the movie Sideways did you ever see that movie I haven't it's a
movie about um it's with um um the dude from Wings what's the [ __ ] cool ass guy's name [ __ ] [ __ ] what's his name the the dude Church uh what the [ __ ] is his name Thomas Thomas Hayden Church yeah uh who's a very cool guy actually um and uh you know it's all about wine and she so she starts reciting this scene it's like that scene and you know blah blah blah and then she goes well I've never really been into wine but I'll tell you what there was a guy once that you know he had the bottle of wine he brings it to the rest and she's just going on and on and on and I'm not exaggerating like 15 minutes she won't shut the [ __ ] up she's just hovering over this chair we're panicking this is in on a plane on the [ __ ] plane this is the flight ATT in it on the [ __ ] plane she's leaning over the seat just beating us into submission with this stupid ass story and so I start writing down I I I'm in the window seat and he's in the aisle so he's Stu with I abandon him and just start looking out the window I like I can't do this anymore I have to start looking at the window she won't stop she's just she's worked her way from the the quote from the movie Sideways to a story about a dude with wine to a story about her ex-husband and it's a [ __ ] murderous assault on the eardrums probably Tom was probably so punch drunk at the time where he couldn't think wait should have went to the bathroom well Tommy had a really interesting point cuz Tommy I abandoned him and I left him to to be slaughtered by her and he uh he developed a psychological profile of her and say he said I think cuz we were on a small plane it was a small flight he goes I think the reason why this lady's on a small flight is because other ladies don't want to work with her so they stick her on these small flight where she works by herself because she's clueless CU she doesn't know when to shut the [ __ ] up and everybody wants to get away from her stick on these little 1 hour hour and a half type flight or something like that yeah it wasn't a very long flight I forget where we were going but the beating the just yeah just brutal ear beating this broad gave yeah it's tough and it's just you don't want to feel like a bad like it's tough even though in your brain
It's just tough socially like hey can you shut the [ __ ] up or just but it's just it's tough to do it especially in a confined space like that uh in a air in an airplane I mean in a social situation it's easier cuz you could just say yeah I'm about to go go to the go to the bar you need anything I'm going to and they usually don't need a drink but that's the way to cut people out I'm going to get a drink yeah or you say excuse me I got to use a restroom I I hate to be rude I have to use restroom and then I would just drop my phone and start looking for it in between the seat and hopefully would just she would find a reason to keep walking yeah but she would she would do it not just to us she did it to everybody she decided to stop with we watched her when she got done beating us up she went over to somebody else and beat them up so she was a social terrorist she was a terrorist she won too the terrorist won on that night I got to jump out real quick too bad yeah yeah go ahead man go ahead don't worry about it I'll tell everybody about uh my show I got coming up soon a lot of people folks they they can't handle these three-hour conversations they don't develop the bladder control that a man like me has you notice a man like me sitting here two hours plus in I'm not feeling it I'm fine two and 10 minutes by the way if you ever watch a UFC this is an inside joke and you hear me talking only me talking while the fighter is walking from the uh back room to the cage that means Mike Goldberg went to pee CU Mike Goldberg pees like crazy I don't know what's going on with Mike Goldberg he tells me everything's fine I believe him but I I have a hard time believing a man can pee as much as Mike Goldberg pees I don't I don't even understand it it doesn't even make sense to me like I'll go to take a leak don't get me wrong cuz I'm a lot of times I'll have a cup of coffee there I'll have a couple of bottles of water you want to keep hydrated while you're screaming and yelling so I will get up and go to take a leak but I'll do it and then an hour later like he'll do another one like we'll go pee together and this [ __ ] will pee again inside of an hour and I don't know how he does it but he'll the most he ever did so far in a in a UFC event is six he peed six times my uh Co co-host the UFC Mike Goldberg
who's a great guy but likes to pee so apparently he enjoys running out to the bathroom taking leaks was he drinking a lot of water is he just drinks a lot of water and drinks you know Red Bulls and [ __ ] like that too while we're doing the broadcast to stay up six times an hour no in a show in a show in a whole UFC show which is like six hours with the fights oh that's I mean if he's you know sort of still ridiculous if you're a man and you know this is what you're doing sit down yeah if you doing I guess if doing TV or BR yeah strengthen you pe yeah but uh for you know just for most people um as they get older apparently that becomes an issue dudes develop prostate problems yeah and your your prostate enlarges I know this because I had to get my dog fixed my dog's prostate enlarged so much that it was constipating thought your dog fix was a a metaphor no prosta I notic this how I get get my weasel repaired I'm like oh [ __ ] is this what happens after 40 now my dog was six and he's uh he's um he developed an enlarged prostate I had to get him fixed [ __ ] Johnny Cash no longer has balls he seems happy though but he was he was actually getting constipated because of it it's really interesting like it was blocking up was pinching where his colon is yeah poor dog they uh when I was on that uh goat farm uh working with them they had they had me uh I I was milking a goat and then they brought one goat in they had me bring this this one young uh male goat and they like uh you want to name him and I was like yeah name him name him Hannibal they like you sure and they like yeah and then they banned they were like we're going to ban them and they put a band around his balls and so they they do like a delayed castration where it's not like they cut it off they they put the band and then the balls just fall off yeah two weeks later but I didn't like that they told me to they they set me up to name him uh and then they were like and now yeah he's not going to have balls in a little while like that's pretty shitty of y'all well they were going to do that anyway they were G to do it anyway but they didn't have to have me hold him as they did it yeah that's kind of [ __ ] yeah to them it's normal you know to them it's but no it
was I mean I guess it'll be all right TV but that this [ __ ] kind of it made me feel weird you know human beings do that to themselves sometimes too that's like one of the ways that men castrate themselves is they use like rubber bands and tighten it all up and it all just goes dead then they saw it off wait who what type of dudes are castrating themselves there's a lot of crazy [ __ ] people out there man there's um there was a w a website um called uh BME extreme that's from the there's a video called the BME Pain Olympics this like uh explain that acronym please yeah I don't know apparently there's no real Pain Olympics it's not real but they called this video the BME don't pull that up but there's a a video of a bunch of dudes hacking their dicks off and cutting their balls out and people have done it it's definitely happened and they've done it on video this people have cut their fingers off on video and put the video online cut the tip of their finger off with a sword people are [ __ ] people are [ __ ] CU those are like oneoff activities yeah you you can't repeat that perform yeah and the repeat last year's Champion like no you that's a one-off it was it worth it some weird thing where some people like to do that for whatever reason they want to they want to castrate themselves like they would like it's it's it's more common than not in fact maybe you know that's what them trying to you know release themselves from just being you know wanting sex so much like you know the way I deleted my Twitter app exactly but then they realized they wanted it afterwards but you know I could reinstall Twitter well you know supposedly I had read this about Nicola Tesla the famous inventor that he did something he didn't explain what he did but in quotes destroyed his sexuality he had some really confusing uh love situation with some woman apparently and he just got just ruined everything ruined his life ruined his work he just got messed up with some chick and then decide to in quotes destroy his sexuality now I don't know if that's true or not but you're talking about a guy Nicola Tesla who is a crazy genius inventor who Al was in love with a pigeon thought this pigeon he was in love with this pigeon had this weird romantic interest in a pigeon before he
died he completely off the rails so does he deserve to have a car named after him or not I don't get it he's a bad [ __ ] even though he's crazy humans are never perfect no one no one retires with an undefeated record not even Floyd Mayweather along the way he takes some losses you know I mean losses and uh you know Megan out with a pigeon I don't think he ever made out with it I think he just was in love with a pig in love with a pigeon and destroyed his own again that's what I read that could be propaganda right I'm exposing propaganda left and right so it might be might be propaganda might not be real like Napoleon did you know Napoleon wasn't short whoa that's a mind [ __ ] in fact he was taller than average for the time well he's like 5'8 56 I think 56 yeah for France let's find out Napoleon Napoleon's real height but I mean that's a standard right oh he's got a Napoleon complex standard 5'6 yeah so back then when people had no [ __ ] nutrition whatsoever that was actually taller than average okay so so Napoleon complex is means you want to take over [ __ ] yeah depends this this one actually says 5.7 five uh 5' 7 in this one says whatever it was for them back then that wasn't nearly as short as it is now like I'm 5'8 and I'm short for today for 2014 when people have good nutrition yeah but back then that was actually a tall guy like there was a regular sized guy that was like a guy was like 5'11 wow yeah it's like normal maybe not even five is 5'11 5'10 what is average 5'9 something something like that 58 I I'm I'm about 5'10 all let's find out so I got a Napoleon complex what's the average height what's the average American height what's the average male American height okay let's see I'm saying 5'9 the average US is 510 wow the average yep yeah no yeah that's yeah that's not average that's what they're saying is that that high taller than average what do you think I think average would be maybe well this one thing says 510 average male American height average female male us uh is 5 foot 10 inch okay yeah it says here's another one US male 5 foot 10 inch I'll take it I haven't
done as much research as them it's just I've just been like me and my friends well I think it goes up I think it's gone up definitely since I was born and I think part of it is nutrition people understand things and they also understand not to smoke when you're in the womb I think that [ __ ] that [ __ ] a lot of kids up a lot of women used to smoke when they were they were pregnant my mom smoked yeah yeah she spoke from me and my sister she apologize to you nope we don't bring it up really what she going to do apologize for the past I guess right Let It Go gives a [ __ ] Let It Go okay now it's yeah yeah basically basically almost every one of these studies shows it's about 5 foot 10 for for for now okay in the US which is interesting because it's definitely gone up uh over uh see what is that it's uh average this is the Netherlands the USA France and Japan average man so Japan is the shortest with BMI and but Japan's changing too though man there's a lot of much bigger dudes in Japan now than there was like during the World War II days they're way bigger so what is the what's the theory behind uh Japanese do having the shortage is it just because they don't uh mixed with other races as much and so it's just their genetics could could be um it could there's a lot of factors it could be it could be also that it's an island you know it's not not the biggest place in the world you know it's not a tiny Island it's not like re on real islands like real small places they have a thing called Island dwarfism yeah where things on that island are like that's have you ever seen that that uh little creature that they found homo florianus he's The Hobbit man that they found that lived like 14 14,000 years ago no you never seen that oh fascinating [ __ ] man 14,000 years ago there was little people that lived alongside human beings that look just like you or I M and they were these little tiny like hobbit-like creatures they were like 3 feet tall and they were a type of human being not like human not like neander pull up the the images like there's an there's an image of homo florianus that they made The Hobbit man and uh this in this island of Flores they found one and they thought it was like maybe a child's bone or something like that but then they realized that it
was structurally different than a human beings and they thought it might have been just an aberration like someone who had some sort of a disorder and then they started finding more of them and then they found out that they buried their young they would find like little graveyards and [ __ ] yeah they found stone tools they realized they used tools and evidence of use of fire pretty pretty insane [ __ ] yeah that's crazy that's not that long ago man 14,000 years ago and what's really crazy is there's people that think that there's something like that that's still alive today just in a small their own is small Islands yeah see that's that gives you an idea of it but there's some some good images of those things but then you see like with uh neander gorillas human beings like look how little those [ __ ] things were and they were a type of people right that's freaky [ __ ] man that is triy yeah and it's a real thing I mean it really existed what is the big guy on the far right not in the and but the guy next to him yeah who's that dude Jesus that's a big [ __ ] dude that looks very aplike too like look how long his arms are that's Jesus what's it say I can't read it middle I don't know yeah whatever it is we glad we moved past that those dudes would be running [ __ ] if they were still around that looks like a combination of like a homo sapien and like almost like a gorilla like look how extra long his arms are I mean it might be just the artist depiction that looks like a scary cat to run into on the Savannah [ __ ] all that well apparently there was a bunch of um people that lived in Russia too as recently as I think it was 40,000 years ago that were completely different than than Homo sapiens too another uh different type 40,000 years ago wow denans or something like that here let me pull that up uh Russian new type of person type of human 40,000 years ago have you been to Japan before yeah it's amazing it's incredible it's a really interesting place because um it's it's first of all incredibly clean and unbelievably polite and like really almost crime-free completely like when you walk down the streets you don't worry about [ __ ] every I mean you're in a major metropolitan area like Tokyo and it seems like the most peaceful place on Earth very little aggression everyone's
very polite people are like like whether it's shopkeepers or restaurant owners or like when you're walking on the street you don't have any sense of chaos like you have in New York City right is real oh that's cool man I want to go there yeah F oh here's it is it's in uh this is in the National Geographic DNA reveals lost relative from 40,000 years ago Russian researchers dug up a a sliver of human finger bone from an isolated Siberian cave the team stored it away for uh later testing assuming that the nondescript fragment came from one of those neanderthals uh who left a Welter of tools I don't even know what a Welter is I even heard that expression Welter Welter of tools should that be yeah well no what have you ever heard of that what's a w l t r Welter of tools and it C between 30 and 48,000 years ago nothing about the bones seemed extraordinary but the genetic material told a different story when the German researchers extracted and sequenced the DNA from the fossil they found that it did not match that of neander tals or of modern human beings which were also living nearby at the time so new genetic data revealed that the bone May belong to a previously unrecognized Iz extinct human species that migrated Out of Africa long before our known relatives that's 40,000 years ago man there was a different type of [ __ ] human that went to Russia that was in Russia in Siberia from Africa yep so Africa sucked back then well people always keep walking dude they just keep going that's just what in US we keep going I guess maybe people get to California and then they decide to move to Maui like let's just keep going but going they got direct flights though not back then just that's crazy let's just that wasn't was that boats back that was just 40,000 years ago most likely no boats just straight up walking and walking and walking yeah they're starting to [ __ ] back dat boats though they've uh they've backdated boats quite a bit I think they found evidence of uh tuna like oldest evidence of tuna like way earlier than they ever thought oldest known tuna boat tuna boat imagine the first dude to make a boat was like man I got to get the [ __ ] out of here I don't even know where I'm going well they they had it wow dude sweat this they had boats they were
fishing boats in 310 ad the earliest known boat was made it's a 7,000 year old boat found in Kuwait that's the earliest known boat but now they found evidence of deep sea fishing 42,000 years old a boat this is the newest [ __ ] well they found evidence of of uh of tuna bones and tuna are deep sea fish so someone had to go out there and get these [ __ ] the earliest known boats found in France and the interthal are only 10,000 year years old but archaeologists know that they don't tell the whole story wood and other common boat building materials don't preserve well in the archaeological record and the colonization of Australia and the nearby islands of Southeast Asia which began at least 45,000 years ago required sea Crossings of at least 30 km so they know that 45,000 years ago someone had a boat that could go about 60 miles right isn't that what it is kilometers 100 km is 62 miles no the opposite so it's less kilometers is less than a mile correct okay so a little bit little bit more miles than that like double yeah 100 yeah wow 60 something like that's crazy yet whether or not these migrants put is that how it goes cuz kilometer is wait how many kilm again how many 30 km 30 km is 20 miles okay okay so it's less miles are less than kilometers right yeah right because 100 kilometers an hour is 62 miles hour all right okay so 30 kilomet probably 20 20ish miles in a boat 45,000 years ago yet whether these early migrants put out to sea deliberately in boats or or simply drifted from the tides in rafts meant for Nearshore exploration as a matter of fierce debate so they at least had that this is crazy man that's crazy that they think people were deep sea fishing 40 [ __ ] thousand years ago people had to eat yeah but I mean it's amazing they found half of the fish in these areas um that these people lived in uh off of Australia 42,000 years ago half of the fish they found where uh tuna and sharks that live in deep water they also found a fish hook from a mollusk shell a mollusk shell and dated it to 23,000 years ago that's incredible people were [ __ ] doing some crazy [ __ ] back then man people had people were hungry and they were tired of deer yeah well cows and like we were saying man they they keep going people
keep going they came here from [ __ ] Africa even if they this this these dudes that went from Africa all the way to Siberia and then they died there yeah was it that hot it was the heat that did it right could be a million what's the no food competition no food driven Away by Predators driven Away by other humans who knows man but driven away that far we got to keep there's a lot in between Africa and Russia and if they were doing it on foot [ __ ] a man 40,000 years ago they might have been doing it on foot it's very possible they probably might not have even had horses just walking what shoes they probably figured out shoes right or they might not have needed them leaf leaf feet I don't know Leaf feet have you ever seen that show uh I forget what it was called dual survivor or something like that there was two dudes and they would go wandering around surviving in the woods yeah like their whole thing was surviving like they would do a thing like survivor man but there was two of them is a competition no they would just survive okay they would just show you how you would create a a house and this is how you go catch fish and this is how you uh protect yourself from rainstorms but one dude everywhere he went he would go barefoot his name was Cody I think Cody he's got the nastiest feet of all time he has like thick calluses all over the bottom of his feet like a shoe because he never takes his [ __ ] he never puts his shoes on he walks everywhere so the skin on his feet is just hard as a rock that's just disgusting it's pretty disgusting probably when he comes to people's place they ask him to put shoes on on yeah they come out Cody's coming over your house you give them your slippers no you keep them you can keep them man you got to cover those [ __ ] nasty feet this I eat in this house I don't know what's flying off of your feet while you're wanding around yeah that is nasty there's something particularly offensive about feet like someone can have some you know you can have dry skin on your forearm it doesn't really bother people but if you got some that's his foot that's his foot he's r with a rock why is he rubbing it with a rock is that a callous or like some type
of Fung that white thing or that's a what am I looking at you looking a foot but no it's two other things there that's a big toe okay about right there what is that what is that that's his toe and his WRA yeah I think what he's doing is he's pulling his toe back and he's rubbing it with a rock to make maybe I thought that was like I thought the white part foot too much if I get hard I'll get scared I don't know why he made that choice I'm sure he knows about choose it's got to be a more effective strategy marketing you want to stand out true right you want to stand out from the other guy be more memorable get me mentioned on The Joe Rogan podcast that's a good point worked out it did work out cuz the other dude nobody knows who the [ __ ] he is yeah that's so true marketing is so important like what what does everybody know about Einstein's got this [ __ ] crazy hair man not just the Eagles MC square they know what he looked like it's all wild nutty yeah Nica Tesla no one knows what that dude looks like no why cuz he was a slick little Croatian dude very slim wor a suit and tie look normal yeah nobody gives a [ __ ] about that guy nobody cares nobody plays Nicola Tesla for Halloween but people will dress up like Einstein everybody knows you're Einstein exactly damn you're right got to get your look have you ever thought about uh a look like perhaps like maybe something that people remember you I mean you're talking about a c a catchphrase for pig hunting maybe maybe you need like you know something really C PHR a type of outfit or something yeah uh gets the same outfit every time uh anybody ever done that same outfit yeah like a Bruce Lee outfit oh like a Bruce Lee out no no Bruce Lee wore that Game of Death outfit and if you see anybody in a yellow tracksuit with black stripes you automatically think of Bruce Lee remember when he fought Kem Abdul Jabar and you had the tracksuit I don't remember you don't remember dude come on son you never seen that tracksuit come on I haven't seen a lot of the essential movies of Television I know seen Bruce Lee movies I've seen a couple oh you need to see that Gabriel glaus is a comic that does that with his shorts that's a good point and he has he has the painting or silhouette of him behind
it as part of his stage set oh does he always yeah always shorts and uh the Hawaiian shirt or something and always a silhouette even when he's at clubs not a silhouette but like a like a the logo will behind him and no I'm talking about for specials on TV oh for a special yeah and probably if he play you know he plays like yeah huge playes so probably he have some type of set piece or something he does huge places and he does clubs too like Gabriel will do like uh he'll do like nine shows in a week he'll do like a 6 PM show he'll do an 800 PM show a 10 p.m show and a midnight show yeah he he's crazy like that he does early shows for kids like families can come do like a 500 p.m show when it's light out wow I think he holds the record for the most consecutive sellouts at the ice house sold out like some insane amount of shows in a row like he was there for two weeks in a r like every day yeah does Monday night shows and [ __ ] I haven't seen him live I've seen he brings a lot of people with him brings like a lot of standups supports a lot of dudes yeah and just he he like you know supports their he's a genuinely good guy like uh it's far like I remember uh Trevor Noah used to tour with him and he Trevor and he and Gabriel was like you you got to get merch man and so Gabriel got him some shirts made up and then Trevor said he was killing it on merch after shows and [ __ ] yeah people love to buy [ __ ] if you got a catchphrase you know if you got something bam bam we're eating ham Joe Rogan we need to make one man come on dude do it we'll go we'll take you pig hunting and when when you kill a pig you got to say that yeah that'll be your [ __ ] and then we'll start making t-shirts definitely you don't get high when you hunt do you no yeah I mean I know people who do I know a dude who deer hunts High yeah yeah he likes it he's an old hippie he uh smokes a little weed and goes out there and he don't look like a hippie but there's a lot of hippy in him he loves to take a one hitter take a blast and then go out and uh go hunting feel like you're more in tune with nature yeah I feel like if I shot an animal High I'd freak out like oh no I've just taken life it was once alive now because of my actions it isn't alive anymore let freak out probably but you wouldn't get
bummed out if you went and ordered a cheeseburger if like you went to In and Out you're so disconnected from the process just it's just deliciousness it's just real fast too do you think that's a part of human evolution is that there's a reason why we're moving past this whole hunting Gathering thing and that in the future that not only will not be necessary but like we won't even have those desires anymore no I think is just is uh convenience man people got jobs and [ __ ] we can't be shooting pigs for sure for sure but so if your lifestyle can sustain that that you know going out there and waiting for two hours and taking a shot and skinning it and then cutting it and putting it on the grill and doing all that then it's cool but you know the reason food is processed how it is is just because people don't have time to be [ __ ] with that absolutely I mean people with regular jobs absolutely don't have time but there also people don't want to be a part of it yeah people are moving away from it and I wonder if that is all a part of the process that's going to lead people to develop artificial food that's just like food that you get from animals right because they've already figured out how to do that they've already made science they they figured out how to make some sort of an artificial stake it was unbelievably expensive like $250,000 or something like that to create this meat that they grew in a test tube or in a laboratory somewhere yeah but that I think that maybe like that's like the first Echoes of this sort of cultural shift from from being hunter gatherers to being able to go to the grocery store to there's no need to kill an animal because we're going to make artificial meat and everybody would just eat scientifically created meat that's totally nutritious and healthy they'll [ __ ] it up for a couple of years and some of it'll you know some people will get like some weird Crohn's disease and [ __ ] like that from the artificial meat but then eventually they'll get it down so it's even more Nutri ious than like wild game I don't know if I want to go that route I don't know either but I think it's inevitable yeah yeah I think so I think there's a reason why um I think it's the transition there's a reason why people find hunting distasteful even
people some people that eat meat they don't even want to know how the animal dies they don't want to be a part of it they don't want they certainly don't want to see a video and they definitely don't want to go shoot an animal right so why do they like meat like why do they tastes it tastes delicious but why are they okay with that because I think there's like that's like the bridge between us and then the new us which just figures out how to do everything synthetically just recreate it just like they could recreate every I mean they're going to recreate people for sure if we stay alive for another thousand years if human beings are still on this planet a thousand years from now we will have artificial humans that are indistinguishable it'll be some 100% Blade Runner [ __ ] A th yeah I feel like a thousand years is going to get weird I kind I some sometimes I think about the future and get bummed out that I won't get to see how crazy it is you might just based on how it it the shift has been during my lifetime you say I might you might it might be so crazy you might actually get to see 500 years from now I'm not bullshitting man the the the if you pay attention to guys like Ray kurile and all these futurists that are at the cusp of technology that really understand the what Innovations are being created and all the different things they have on the pipeline yeah they're getting pretty close they're getting pretty close they say that the the person that's alive today is going to be the first person to live to be 150 years old wow yeah and they think that that's just today that that person will probably be alive to meet a person who lives to be a thousand I just made that I just made that up but you said it was such confidence man I made I only made up the part about that person probably be yeah but the 150 thing that's pretty much consensus 150 I mean but that's a lot but yeah that that feels more feasible cuz what is the late has been 117 120 something like that or it's hard to tell because it's hard to find out who's telling the truth when they get to be that old those old [ __ ] have [ __ ] paperwork they don't give a [ __ ] they ain't got nothing nothing to lose nobody's going to challenge them like yeah you do look old as [ __ ] we believe
you what's the point Society needs this story anyway yeah who is let's take a guess I'm going to say 122 years old oldest person ever old I think I think it's 1178 this's the oldest person let's find out right now oldest person ever was 16 years old oldest living person the oldest ever was 122 oh wow yeah she was from France what about the what about those Bible folks oh the 600y old Noah what about those folks well I think their calendars were dog [ __ ] back then they talking about weeks yeah their calendars were written down on Stones happy birthday it's Monday yeah the idea that those people lived 600 years that's hilarious but what if back then what was going on is they were super technologically advanced and then the flood came along and [ __ ] everything up and they had to start from scratch and what if Noah really was 600 years old because Noah was a part of an ancient civilization that was far more advanced and that's why God got pissed these [ __ ] these dummies are living to be 600 years old all right [ __ ] this I'm just going to start with Noah I'm just GNA Noah you seem like a good guy but yeah Well's ridiculous yeah it's also ridiculous that we are uh the children of Noah's incest yeah was it Noah's incest who else is who who [ __ ] I mean how many people are left it's no and how many people it's family right oh you mean Oh you mean yeah his incest uh yeah I mean he didn't bring along a bunch of hot Swedish chicks for excellent genetic material and just shoot loads into all them and even if he did just that small Jean Pool if Noah brought over 50 people and just [ __ ] those 50 Chicks it was just him and 50 Chicks the whole human race would be a mess the whole human race all crazy interbreeding it would take generations to [ __ ] fix all that [ __ ] right yeah yeah it's not I'm not a that stuff is all goofy it's goofy stuff it's definitely goofy but uh they're they still there's people to this day still believe it a giant a giant percentage a giant a giant percentage very passionate about it too it's uh I try not to get in to it with those types well they don't I mean I don't I don't I'm never in situations where I'm talking with a religious person or debating I talk about it in my
stand up a little bit and uh pretty much that's it but it is it does baffle me a little bit well people get mad on Twitter why don't you go after the Muslims you always going after us Christians first of all because Muslims are a more dangerous Target dummy okay what do we pretending and second of all because you're right here you're right here right here in America land of the free home grave believe in my family has Christians it's more relatable I grew up Christian so it's just a different yeah yeah this is uh this is also a much more ridiculous place to get Hood Wicked you know we're not living in some backwards [ __ ] crazy culture that's run by some well sort of our but not as much so as these ancient cultures these cultures that have been you know they they have a lot of their ideas about what people shouldn't shouldn't do are thousands of years old they've stuck them right yeah it's just it's really weird that I talk about people getting the Holy Ghost sometimes you oh that's great I love that Pentecostals Pentecostals and uh Baptist where people just like like really is that are you doing that is that that it makes you feel like that the Lord makes you dance speaking in tongues speaking in tongues is that you do you did you just want to do that and you just had this excuse using religion as an excuse like are you speaking what is it's just uh that's confusing when it's just when they when religion turns into a reason for people to just act out and be weird publicly I like when they do it on TV yeah you ever see Robert Tien you know who that guy is uh probably by face if he's a if he's a religious dude he's one of the most ridiculous alltime dudes but uh he he would like in the middle of his broadcast oh just totally completely obviously fake language that he was making up on the spot very repetitive very unlike a real language that varies in tone and and and sounds right he's uncreative with his like it keeps repeating the same sounds over and over again stinks I can understand I understand the structure of it that's him yeah oh here is he speaking in tongues here and bread for eating will also provide and multiply that's the opening of the
windows of Heaven this is oh this is the farting preacher video Yeah I want to hear him talking in tongues are they just put in fart sounds yeah they put in fart sounds while he's it's very juvenile YouTube is pretty hilarious yeah I'm going take this preacher fart sounds gunshot noises you know what this needs I'm going do a super cut of this but I'mma put this song over it so it looks like he's singing to this you know what else you the the internet figured out that uh people outside the internet never figured out memes yeah those memes yeah pictures with words like a picture picture of you bam bam we're eating ham I mean that's without a doubt someone has made that this already happening without a doubt I'll go to my message board right now and I guarant [ __ ] toe you there is a photo up on my message board that says bam bam we're eating ham and it shows you and if not oh you cuz that's your catchphrase you said it man but I'm not hunting I don't need it man I ghost I ghost right sometimes but you said it but you said it if you said it it's up there man without a doubt I guarantee you it's up there if it's not up there by the end of this broadcast someone will at least be working on it that's the beauty of the internet man it is crazy oh it's the greatest thing ever man we're so lucky as Comics to to to be able to to release specials and [ __ ] in this time like your special is going to be on comedy central air Saturday night yeah but it also you could get it online right now right right for the people that don't want to wait they want to have it computer go get that [ __ ] [ __ ] waiting get it and can you play it on iPads and everything iPads everything yeah you play it on your phone everything I think phone also yes beautiful that's beautiful yeah see look at that this is a beautiful time for for standup distribution instant access where we could say hey man Hannibal's a funny [ __ ] you need to go see live from Chicago boom someone go online and at the end of my sentence they're already in the they're already clicking in and yeah it's incredible is is a good time yeah I mean PayPal boom and and that's the the that's what the Amazon one click you [ __ ] [ __ ] me the beauty is of Twitter and things like that too is I find out about new music or I find out about news and different
things or if I'm in New York you know I might just search if I I'll search or the city that I'm in I'll just search uh This City events and I'll find out this person is playing a concert I didn't even know they were playing a concert but I found out about it through Twitter or just saying hey what's the best restaurant here in Denver and people give you restaurant suggestions and then you go and then it's great so that's the that's the beauty of uh of Twitter and the immediacy of the the internet is is that access and just uh having that information and being able to use it [ __ ] yeah um I use uh because I'm I use an Android phone I use uh Amazon and so uh I use Amazon for for music for comedy for anything and I was coming home uh from uh The Improv in Irvine and I said I need to hear some [ __ ] new comedy I'm like everybody keeps telling this hanal barest motherfucker's funny let me go check it out so I got this I got Animal Furnace oh yeah dude it's [ __ ] badass and I got it within 10 minutes yeah within 10 minutes I had it on my on my I mean not even I was driving and I was playing it within like 30 seconds and the whole thing was downloaded within a couple minutes it's just on I only had 3G at the time I couldn't even get 4G and boom it's on your phone and you're listening while you're driving it's amazing and it's good to you could like issues with fans like I had one where uh my uh special in Chicago some other yeah when I shot the special uh the ticket price was kind of low so it got scalped kind of heavy it got scalped and then scalpers were online say I mean uh people writing me saying uh I want to come to your show but you know [ __ ] it I'm paying $200 for this scalper I was like [ __ ] that don't pay 200 bucks you can uh donate to this charity Mercy home and screen screen cap uh a uh screen cap the receipt showing that you donated and I'll put you on my guest list you know what I mean but that's just through Twitter I didn't have Twitter I just be I just have Angry fans buy Scout which probably still is some that angry fans buying scalp tickets but I was able to at least in a couple situations where shows have been sold out or shows been getting scalped I able to put somebody on my guest list just cuz they if they donate to that charity that's beautiful what's the charity what is it it's Mercy
home and what does mercy home do Mercy in Chicago it just helps uh you know young black kids in Chicago just uh with programs and just education after school programs and things like that that's amazing man that's a great idea that's a really great idea you are you from Chicago yeah I'm from Chicago because Ari shafir went we were in Chicago Ari and I were do yeah we were y'all were in the town now the same yeah but you UFC was happening did the Chicago Theater Friday night and then AI went and go went and checked you out was it Friday night or Saturday night it Saturday night I shot yeah so he went checked you out I think after the fights were over yeah yeah I think he he went there right after the fights were over went and checked out your special yeah that's cool man what where did you play in Chicago the Vic so that was this show that was this show oh so this is fresh man this is fresh out of the box this only a couple months ago we turned it over we turned it over fast how fast was that when was it it's uh two month January or something right film January 25th wow damn that's perfect though that way you get there probably some jokes on TV if they're topical like do you have anything topical that like is that still applicable today that's nice uh nothing really topical I talk about music a little bit current music and things like that but nothing political what's up with the Beach Boys what's up with these guys Beach Boys how about these [ __ ] monkeys dur dur dur they're so weird they always duranon there is Duran they're they're too sexy they're too there's something about them I don't like how symmetrical they are yeah it's what I always appreciated about Keith Richard and Mick Jagger they're kind of ugly kind of [ __ ] up looking I like my music to come out of some people that look like they experience some pain yeah Bam Bam eating him look told you it's impossible to avoid the internet gives no [ __ ] it's the right picture for it it's a great picture it's the right picture for it you're smiling with your TV teeth you're on stage TV teeth um so uh besides your special uh where else can uh people find your tour dates it's my tour dates are on my website is Hannibal bears.com um I think yeah yeah only got a few days coming up while I try to get this new [ __ ] together oh
that's right man that's a thing right yeah you got to abandon the old and come up with some abandon the old or go half and half or something so I'm working on it but yeah Hannibal bears.com and I'm in uh you know on at the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn on Sundays every Sunday every Sunday if unless I'm on the road but this Sunday coming up I'm hosting um oh that's cool so you host there like like you were talking about doing shows where the you bring up your friends is that what you're doing yeah I bring up friends and have musical guests like cuz we have a we have a it's the front bar and we had a main room that holds about 300 so that's when I have a couple musical guests um oh that's awesome that's a great idea so yeah it's this act Bridget Everett that's on that's amazing have you seen brid ever before she's just like this sort of Comedy Cabaret singing act but like gets the crazy reaction from the crowd like people flip when they see it well what's what's uh unique about it it's just really good it's just really good she's a good she's a great singer but then she also interacts with the crowd in a way where she'll just put a random crowd members uh face into her titties while in the middle of a song and she'll Ride walk around it's a it's a crazy just it's perfect live act like it's one of those acts too where it's a live act where you can watch it on she might have videos up you could watch it and be like that's cool but you see her live it's like holy [ __ ] like I remember watching people watch is I like to watch how other you know you see people's reaction I remember seeing some cats that only come and usually see stand up at my show but they watching her like what the [ __ ] is going but she's uh yeah she was real good uh then got Michael Chay on that show that's her right there yeah it's her right there let me hear some of this you tonight somebody in this audience is going to me six ways to wa what an aggressive woman a lot of men can't handle that Hannibal a lot of men get confused with a woman like [Music] that oh that's hilarious she just finds an audience dude and sits in his lap and she's sweating all over him and I bet that chick sweats a [Music]
lot that's hilarious so you do this every Sunday the show is every Sunday whether I'm there yeah what what made you decide to start doing something like that how did you uh get that started it was when it was in ' 09 uh I just uh started writing for Saturday Night Live and I did the opening night at the n fror used to be in downtown Manhattan then moved to Williamsburg Brooklyn I did open Night opening night there opening for this band lvi 5 and then they uh the the management there said we want to do a comedy night and so at the time I was writing at Saturday Night Live so my only open night was uh Sunday nights so I just started doing it and it and it's built over time where built an audience like it used to be you know Patty a like it you know gets 20 people here 30 but it's now it's packed all the time and a lot of people drop in like Lou's been through Chris Rock comes through a little bit Chappelle's been through once Amy Schumer comes like a lot of people come through to work out it's a Savvy crowd just high energy and it's a lot of fun that's where I try out my new [ __ ] and it's kind of my it's two blocks my place which is very convenient oh wow so you can walk to work I walked I at 9:00 show sometimes I'm in a shower at 8:50 now you told people though but this is the problem now that freaks are going to get near that area and scan out in a TW block grid and try to figure out where where Hannibal lives well I'm moving and I'm uh since I'm starting to go on Hunting trims I'm I'm arm I like the idea of you hosting a show too that's a great idea man that's what um in Boston that's what they used to do do they used to have like the Steve Sweeney show like the Boston Headliners and that guy would host and he would bring up all these other comedians it's a lot of fun it's a way for me to kind of stay you know cuz if you once you headlin and just uh going on the road it's easy to kind of get out of touch with who you know so I it'll be Comics that only been doing it for a year on the same show with you know Chris Rock or somebody so it's good to just see everybody and just you know and just you I still like the the the structure of putting together a show just knowing I should have this person on earlier and now to flow good into
this and this person should go second half CU that so I still enjo I book it myself and everything so it's it's it's a lot of fun it's a good spot to just always I always try new stuff there every week and it's it's a fun time yeah we do that out here at the Ice House in Pasadena if you're ever around man we do a lot of like Wednesday night shows if you're ever here on a Wednesday night and the same thing I it'll be me and I'll bring along like Brian Callen Ari shafir Duncan Joey Diaz will do it like all these different guys do it and having that same sort of situation where you're trying to figure out he should go on after him and let's put him here and it's fun yeah it's fun especially when it works out the right way like oh that feel if just feels good kind of producing something all the time and just you know figuring out what who we was like what Comics the audience would respond what Comics the audience would respond to that kind of thing it's real cool I like what you're doing too though you're adding the musical element to it too that's a great idea yeah the music ele it's just good for energy and it's just it's just mixing it up it makes it more of a a old school show lately I've been having kind of rappers and musicians open open for me on the road in addition to having a comedian I have one comedian yeah I'm been doing uh Largo tonight and uh this cat this guy Thundercat was amazing uh singer and basist he's performing and so it's just been real it's just a different vibe and it just add a another element to the show also I just want I like giving people I get I I get just cuz my ticket prices just started to go up so I feel ner so I want to give people as much as a show as possible so I got to have a musician I have a DJ with me like cuz I do musical stuff doing my set I talk about different rap songs the DJ I queue it up I got I do a song at the end ballerinas come out so I try to like do I'm like man people pay 30 bucks I'm trying to do it up so uh yeah I enjoy just trying to you know you know introduce people to introduce audiences to new people and also just uh figure out just how to put on just a real a show that people want to come back to like it's all about making people want to talk about it when I come back to their City wanting to come again
well you're doing it because I keep hearing great things man I keep hearing great things thanks man I've uh I've only done one show ever where I had music there was a Joey Diaz me and Doug Stan hope and honey honey this band they're actually going to be here tomorrow um and we uh we all did this uh show uh at the uh wilter in LA on December 21st 2012 because it was supposed to be the end of the world yeah you know that was when the mines all the [ __ ] freaky people were thinking that it was it was an awesome night it was an awesome night but it was the only time I've ever done a show oh it's [ __ ] beautiful show I wore a suit and everything I never wear a suit was I wore slick clothes it felt odd but I liked it but it felt good like you know it was fun to do like a big show too musical guest I got to do more of those yeah it just adds a adds another energy to it especially if the crowd is is the thing about doing it is just making sure that the music and comedy can work as long as people a little bit it could work as a surprise but when people are build it makes it better especially for the comedian opening for a band yeah like if you walk out as a comedian for a band and they don't know that you come like it's the wor years ago open for this band unfree McGee uh and we it was I think the gig was in dcal Illinois it was about hour outside Chicago it's where Northern Illinois University is but one of the band they saw me at zany's in Chicago comedy club and they asked me to open for them and so it that I think they were on at 9 and then at 8:45 they tell me to go out and the lights go down and so there's been no announcement that I'm going on it's just the lights went down and then I walk out and the crowd is like right away like no like they just started yelling I'm freeze where's I'm Freez and it's not even the real Showtime yet I'm up 15 minutes before the actual star time I was the only opener but people were just so agitated cuz they didn't want to see a comedian they they you know bought these tickets probably months ago and then some comedian they never heard of is walking out so but it just helps when just the audience so all all the need if cuz they didn't know either the band just trying to put me in a good spot
they like we like this dude he should be on the show and now I'm known from doing shows that a situation like that all it takes is for somebody from the band to either side stage on the mic or even come out and say hey we going to be out in a little bit we got this comedian we like check him out we think he funny and then that settles everything down cuz now that gives me credibility definely so it's just about the audience knowing what's going on and then that that makes everything work easier when I bring uh on the road with me I always introduce them from the side stage I always say thank you everybody for coming out and yell out and just get everybody hyped up and let them know like I'm sure I'm bringing this comedian because I think he's hilarious you know I want you to see good [ __ ] yeah some cats the people I've opened for have done that for me side stage like Dmitri's done that Aziz uh Louie it just helps yeah from uh Gaff like it just helps it uh especially I mean your crowds might be a little bit more aggressive than some others right no they're nice they're nice yeah they're very nice uh we do a show sometime man let's do a show sometime let's do a let's do a show sometime be awesome man yeah um I I opened up for Bon Joy once yeah yeah where I was in a theater in the round in I think it was in Queens and it was um a long time ago yeah it was it was ridiculous I was first of all I wasn't that good I'd only been doing comedy for like four years and uh second second of all it they didn't want to see a comedian yeah you know it just was a terrible idea the whole idea was awful yeah and I'm standing on this [ __ ] stage surrounded by like a drum set and guitar I can't move I don't know where to stand it was uh they were hold on hold on was the was the uh were the people like the the RO or anybody was they moving around fixing [ __ ] behind you that that happens sometimes in music is with if a comedian they don't respect it they still fixing the sound they might even bang on the drums a little bit and check the guitar oh yeah no doubt check things check the drums they don't give a [ __ ] they're not they don't care about you they just like I'm I'm trying to do my job the best way possible [ __ ] you and your stand up yeah it was just bizarre man it was just bizarre being on a stage when nobody
wants you to be doing comedy like they want you to go out there and do comedy for people who didn't want to come to see comedy there a totally different mindset going to see Bon Joie yeah and some unknown shitthead telling bad jokes yeah waiting for Bon Joy they also wanted me to like work the crowd like they wanted me to bring women uh up towards the front they wanted me to grab the most attractive women and ask them to come towards the front they wanted to like sort of engineer the front ofage mid in the middle of your bombing exactly the middle of me eating dick and and there wasn't that many attractive women in the first place it was like picking the ones who were attractive was a wasn't the best job so were you able to do that at all I did something I mean it was a long time ago it was a disaster whatever it was I remember getting out of there going okay now I know what it's like to open up for a band [ __ ] that and that was a nice crowd as far as like bands go that's a nice crowd I just was terrible I just I shouldn't have been doing it I've had gigs where if there's not I've done gigs recently over the past year would have been horrible gigs with music but I just bail early like if I could feel it in the first couple jokes I'm like all right this isn't Fun y'all have a good one will you still do it like somebody called you up today and asked you to open up for a band would you still do it it depends on the band if I'm I won't do it it had to be a favor and just something if it was a charity thing or if the money is right like I I but I'm I'm not just going to turn out on the gig because of it being for a band it has to be yeah I have to ask some questions well it's getting also to the point where people know who you are too so they come see you and the band they expect you and the band that's part of the whole program that makes a lot more sense than yeah just me kind of floundering in front of a but I think and it's it's been two or three gigs where I just you know what I'm out of here y'all and I still I be like my name is Hannibal bur see y'all later like I w't even cuz just like you know what the gig wasn't it wasn't right but I don't I know there no bearing on on what I could do it just wasn't the right situation did you ever see the one with Charlie
Murphy uh tore the checkup you ever see that he didn't really tear that checkup or he didn't he didn't I don't think he I don't I think you know for sure I think I remember looking it up more I think he kept that check and that was a show I don't know I I know Charlie he's kind of crazy yeah Charlie would definitely tear up a check especially if he had money and he's got money he would tear up a check tell you go [ __ ] yourself really he's got a lot of character well yeah guy's got balls of steel man I'm the type of dude I'll tear up a check and then have my agent ask for the wire on second thought can you send that to this routing number please yeah that's probably the more intelligent way of doing it quite honestly it's F just tear up a piece of paper [ __ ] the check this when I think about your money [ __ ] you [ __ ] yeah yeah a symbolic check yeah Hannibal you're funny [ __ ] thank you very much for being thanks for having me this was this is real cool and I enjoyed it very much man okay Hannibal burst go to Hannibal burst.com you can follow Hannibal on Twitter and definitely either download it from Comedy Central or watch it this Saturday night what time is it on again it's on at midnight Midnight Eastern and midnight Pacific and 11 Central and download it now if you want I like the name too live from Chicago why [ __ ] around why [ __ ] around yeah that's this hubcap shop in my old neighborhood oh really yeah hubcap shop still around yeah hubcap shop on on North Avenue in Chicago all right that's it folks we'll be back tomorrow we got two podcasts tomorrow Adam Cor and honey honey and then Friday uh it's D Dennis McKenna on Friday so we got a we got a lot of crazy [ __ ] this week um thanks to NatureBox thanks to NatureBox go to naturebox.com Rogan and get 50% off your first box thanks also to onic got.com go to o nnit t use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements all right we'll see you dirty freaks uh tomorrow uh oh April 3rd I will be at the Filmore Miami beach with Tony uh Hinchcliffe and then um where else am I April um Orlando yeah April 18th I'm in Orlando and the 23rd what's the other one the yeah 25th I'm in Baltimore both of those are with Joey Diaz so Orlando
is uh the 18th go to Joe rogan.net for tickets the um Orlando's almost sold out and Baltimore's almost sold out as well but there's still some tickets left for Miami all right you freaks we love you we'll see you tomorrow big kiss [Music]