Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8cDwucTSbo
hey [ __ ] what are you doing I am uh right now in the middle of tweeting this out is here H it's just David show right you don't have anything special no people with uh crafty Twitter names are a real problem or they underscore they just have to kill that underscore [ __ ] like what's your username undor name well being named David show is and being Korean is like name being named John Smith yeah like I went to school with three David Show's you know yeah I knew a few David ch's cuz I grew up doing Taekwondo and there was a lot of David shows a lot of Korean kids and I'm L and I'm late to the social media game so when I wanted Twitter at David show it was already I was [ __ ] you know so what is your Twitter well I mean they gave it to me they gave it to you oh so they ganked it from somebody some not so famous David show someone like whenever there's a new social media thing someone just grabs it and then I get the email hey you want this you want to buy it off me and I'm like no I'll just be David show one David show 69 I got super lucky with Twitter I got lucky there was like one dude who had got the Joe Rogan one but he wasn't used Joe Rogan is sort of a basic name too right yeah there's a guy named Joe Rogan that's a real estate agent right he's in uh I think in Idaho but he owns Joe rogan.com right and he wanted to sell it but was a bit pricey very nice guy he's got a legitimate claim to it what did he want for it uh a lot of money like a million dollars no not that much money but enough that it was a lot I forget I don't I don't you know I don't have a a beef with the guy cuz it's his website it's his name like the idea that it's mine more than it is his is ridiculous right he owns it he's he's Joe Rogan as well you know that's his name but uh you know it's I'm sure it's confusing it was cool I was CH da for him too un for a while and someone at Twitter sent me an email and said hey do you want D I was like yeah and [ __ ] I'll take it I'm blacklisted on Twitter it used to be so easy to get red ban on everything now I can't get it on anything and they they still won't verify me and yet there's like a million fake red bands like there's even fake Red Band selling fake Red Band sh Wait I don't understand what
you said it used to be it used to be really easy to get red band on everything like myace Facebook whatever but now it's like everyone takes my my name my fake name yeah you got to expect that though but and then Twitter there's like a million fake red bands there's even fake red bands selling fake red band shirts and Twitter won't verify me so it's just a Heyday with my red band name they don't like you yeah but it's easy which one is which one says Red Band which one has 100,000 [ __ ] friends that's the real still idiots like this twittered you're always going to have that you you have to just accept that I wonder why why am I blacklisted on Twitter and on uh whatever that other [ __ ] Wikipedia you're not blacklisted they just don't accept you it means you're doing something right dude whatever it is if you were on any other show if you were on a television show and uh and you were like one of the guest stars on the television show that would be listed in Wikipedia most likely I would imagine I one funniest instagrammer by La weekly that's not bad man I if you were on like one legit TV show like if you did like an episode of standup on The Tonight Show if you did one thing then they'd probably put you on Wiki you could do that too you know all right so I'm going to go do Leno this that would be really interesting see you do Leno oh what material you could do on Leno and what that experience would last episode of Leno that would be awesome cuz he would be like I don't care and you just tank it just freak those [ __ ] people out talk about [ __ ] dolphins on the Leno show yeah don't do that man uh anyway this uh episode of the podcast is brought to you neither by the Jay Leno show nor by any of the other David shows or any of the other Joe Rogan much love to all of you people uh we're brought to you by uh stamps.com this episode is stamps.com is uh an excellent resource for if you have your own business managing it out of your home as far as like sending things out if you if you're trying to sell things and sell them over the internet and send them yourself most of the time what you have to do is you have to go to the Post Office you have to wait in line and it's it's really annoying and they figured out a way to make that much easier you can do it from
your home you do it from your computer they give you a digital scale they tell you how to do it you print it up on your own printer you print up your Postage and then the postman comes and takes it away and you're done you cut out so much of the [ __ ] of going there and waiting in line and dealing with someone who doesn't want to weigh your dumb [ __ ] you could do it all yourself get a free digital scale that you should never use for illegal non-government sanctioned drugs if I say don't use it for that but if you want to find out what does a beer weigh in the bottle and you weigh it that's legal beer is a legal drug and so we support that at stamps.com but don't be weighing your mushrooms you [ __ ] you weirdos plus you need something a little more accurate you need something like really really accurate for that you don't want to be lying about mushrooms that could be some awful Karma if you were selling mushrooms and you underdosing people I think about dosing my parents all the time it's probably a good idea don't do it through stamps.com though don't there's a little old timey microphone in the upper right hand corner if you click on it and use the code word JRE you get a no-risk trial plus a $110 bonus offer including a digital scale and up to $55 for free postage and uh we we have personal experience with this company because this is exactly how Brian sends out his t-shirts a T-shirts from Des squad. TV which are all uh Brian's original art he sends those out through stamps.com doeses it all through his office so it's super easy if a knucklehead like Brian can do it you can too right Brian yes all right Code War JRE for this special offer we're also brought to you by on it.com that's nnit T and I [ __ ] I sound like a robot repeating myself over and over again for this um but there's no way around it we have some new Primal bells in the Primal bells are the kettle bells that were uh designed by an artist um to look like gorillas and chimpanzees and now orangutans and uh they're [ __ ] badass and they're fun to work out with because they're they're all like legit and balanced out but they're fun because they look like something that might be [ __ ] you up like it's it's terrifying Stephen step shuin Jr is the dude who uh
did the artwork on him he did a badass job and they're uh they're really well balanced too that was like super important all they these strange shapes we had to make sure that we we kept it balanced uh so that it doesn't change what what a kettle workout should be even though it looks cool it doesn't change it uh so check that out at hut.com along with all of our various supplements including uh testosterone boosting t+ you ever take a testosterone booster mhm yeah MH mhm I injected myself and ran across the border from Tiana to the US it was amazing the police the Tiana police even stopped us and they looked at us and they're like what are you idiots doing and they just they didn't even it was amazing was good that won't happen through t+ ladies and gentlemen D David Cho's taking a walk in The Wildside he was hanging out that place that that cheich was running in the and you remember from what was that movie uh with George Clooney the Vampire movie oh DUS Till Dawn Dust Till Dawn remember that a great movie [ __ ] great movie Harvey kitel had a Korean son in that movie I was like what the [ __ ] and it was almost like two different movies yeah it was like there was this really intense dramatic movie with this super violent guy and his brother right it was trying to keep everything under control it was two separate movies and then all a sudden it's this wild crazy monster movie that's really fun yeah Quinn Tarantino is the baddest [ __ ] of all time when it comes to movies like that was a Robert Rodriguez movie right yeah but it was you know it was amazing yeah quinon Tarantino in that that that's one of my favorite roles of any actor Ever playing ever he knows how to play that creepy murderer dude so [ __ ] good it's like bone chilling when you watch that like you really believe right anybody says that Quinton can Tarantino can't act you need to watch him in that movie if you give him the right role that [ __ ] can act his ass off that was a great movie Dust Till Dawn man he [ __ ] creeped me out cuz I got no dudes like him you did yeah there's dudes like that that are they cross your path in life you say I'm going to go out and get a snack and you come back and they just murdered everybody in the room there's a dude
that I used to train when I was a kid I was really young I was like 18 or 19 and he was a a Hitman he was a hitman for you know local gangsters Irish gangsters yeah he wound up doing time he wound up getting caught for it and he used to come to my Taekwondo school and he would just like straight ask you how you would kill somebody if you're going to kill somebody like he mean he wanted he had like a crude martial arts background like he was very big powerful guy but this guy I knew something was up he would ask you how you would kill someone or you would ask him he he was learning how to fight he wanted to learn oh he wanted to know how to kill someone he wanted to know like he he would just flat out ask you he would take the black belts and like what what would you do if you're going to kill somebody how would you kill somebody and like and I was like wow this guy's pretty intense right and then we find out you know years later he was a [ __ ] Hitman wow you know so you taught him how to kill not really I mean he already knew how to kill people trust me or at least knew how to [ __ ] you up up right he was just uh he wanted to tighten up his martial arts technique but it was just interesting running into a guy like that that you know is just not playing by the rules we're all playing by we're playing by the be nice rules most of us on this planet are playing by the be nice rules I want a friends I don't want anybody to hate me you want friends you're a nice person when we run into people we're just trying to be nice to each other for the most part for the most part but every now and then you run to a dude that's not playing that game you could run to a crazy person for for instance I went on a hike today we're it's 3:00 right now I was like let's let's go on a hike and uh I go hiking with Critter the guy out there I don't know how we got onto this subject matter but while we're walking down the thing we got into an argument and he's like [ __ ] you I could rape you if I wanted to right now oh Jesus Christ Christ I was like who said that to you Critter the guy sitting out there oh that's uncomfortable and you know and I go what did you just say he's like I could rape you right now cuz we're hiking he's like I throw you in the bushes right now I'll rip your legs open I'll [ __ ] and wow and
Critter he can beat the [ __ ] out of anybody I get that and I and overpowering me yes he could overpower me but like that's a weird thing for a friend to say it's a weird thing to say to a friend and also we so then we got into it you know of course and I'm like okay if I went to prison or even if Critter is trying to rape me in the mountains right now okay physically you get me down I'm fighting you you hold my leg down you punched me in my face you ripped my pants down now you've overpowered me I'm still fighting you whatever but I was like it takes a special kind of guy there's a guy that will kill you there's a guy that will beat the [ __ ] out of you but like like Joe's Joe's a you're a fighter and you could probably beat the [ __ ] out of me but you're like I want to re rape Dave Cho you're like I want could you like even get your dick hard to do that I don't think I could [ __ ] yeah you think you could kid Brian Brian could just being excited about the a guy alive that he could rape because awesome because you see it in prison movies you're like we need to show you know it's the most embarrassing humiliating thing you could do to a man hey we're supposed to start some music but it's not just just keep talking just keep talking this podcast has begun okay on.com go [ __ ] yourself whatever and I'm like uh what like that takes this kind of guy that you're talking about the Hitman kind of guy cuz I it takes a little bit more than that it takes most likely someone who's probably been molested themselves what are you going to like okay so you're trying to ultimately beat me physically and then humiliate me but then you still have to get your dick hard to get it into my butthole you know yeah it's a odd odd thing to be proud of I think if you're a man and you're doing that there's a lot of those guys that have probably been molested right and probably been I mean they said that that's one of the big factors for child molesting is people who are molested themselves right as a child and I'm not saying that that's child molesting but [ __ ] rape like that but it's kind of akin to right it's it's the number one uh fear if you're going to go to prison yeah yeah yeah Sons of Anarchy just
started the the new season right right the amazing like it starts with uh Otto getting butt [ __ ] you know and how rude and he's he's the the creator of the show I think so that means he would okayed himself getting butt [ __ ] and okay it guy probably wrote it in smile on his face so he's getting butt [ __ ] and I'm like I'm like and then the guy implies this is going to go down on the regular every day now so if you know every morning you're going to get butt [ __ ] at what point do you just give up like even fighting it you're just like do you [ __ ] yourself every morning so that the guy has to stick his dick like through like I bet he's not that shy I bet shit's not going to scare him off if I had to take a while guess right was trying to [ __ ] you in the butt every day that guy's not like Discerning learn learn to like it you know day two day three do you just you could that could be the non-passive budha approach to learn to like and learn to be a good wife you know maybe you actually grow to love each other try to make yourself I mean it's a it's a terrible idea to be locked up in jail with the guy who's [ __ ] you all the time for sure you would probably your mind would try to rationalize and find some way to escape it but think about the performance anxiety of just like just being with a girl regularly right you're like with her and then you can't get it up and you're like oh my God how embarrassing think about the performance anxiety of a male rapist who's like I'm gonna rape this guy you beat him up you get him down you rip his pants down and then you're like sorry give me a second you're like I got to get this well it's a perfect example that um of rape being not sex rape is violence right you know a guy [ __ ] and raping a guy especially if he's not gay it's a control and violence thing you should get you should get a known male rapist prison guy on the show and ask him what he thinks about to get hard do I don't think they could do it they' have to got you got two people now taking their minds to separate places you got the guy getting raped trying to think of anything but getting raped and you got the rapist trying to think of like something to get him hard to rape the guy yeah it's an uncomfortable idea
but it's also an idea that we kind of understand that's one of the more uncomfortable aspects of it right we kind of understand that there are guys out there that would rape somebody right they would do it and you trained him to kill I don't think that guy was a he could have been a rapist but he definitely at least tried right to to kill people or was it very I should say at the very least ready right I met a couple guys like that I met a couple guys along the way that were like really crazy one of the guys that I used to do uh martial arts with he went to jail and uh came back a completely different person right it was weird man right he came out like a wild animal I mean he went in he was a real tough kid and he went in when he was like I guess he was probably like 18 or something like that we were around the same age right and when he came out he came out years later and he didn't want to tell everybody he was in jail so he had this crazy story about you know being away and helping somebody out or something like that and then eventually just confessed right but then getting to know him him like he he was a totally different person it's like all of a sudden I had to realize like oh that the last guy he does not he's not here anymore this is some new dude now I got to talk to this new dude and figure out uh what the parameters of our friendship are because he seems [ __ ] crazy he's been fighting for his life in a cage right for the last four years I mean the dude went away and you know he told me about like fights where he tried to beat a guy to death with a mop handle some guys were coming at him with he came out he came out of an animal yeah he came out an animal it was for real wild animal fight to the death type [ __ ] on a regular basis wow yeah he was in jail for drugs right and so he was in like a serious jail he was in jail I think either heroin or cocaine I don't know what it was but he was [ __ ] nuts when he came out I hate to say how much time I've actually thought about getting [ __ ] in my ass but because because I've been to jail a few times you know I've never done hard time but I've been to jail a few times for a few months and uh you know it's like you have to think about it going in I guess especially being an Asian right you go in as a black guy there's the blacks you go in a
Mexican there's the Mexican gangs you go in the whites you join the Aran whatever um I have a friend that's Japanese a little Japanese guy that went to jail and then there's not enough Asians in jail where they just all have to you know you have to be friends with the Chinese the Japanese the Thai the Filipinos it's not like oh CU they're just so few and come on let's face it Everyone likes Asian chicks and so especially this pervert over here so if everyone likes Asian chicks then male male rapists want Asian dudes dude if you're in jail and you're [ __ ] white dudes and hairy afro buttholes and Mexicans and then like a hairless Asian that you know you're like oh you know guess I kind of see your point you know depends on what you're into we're Asians are small we're like we're smaller than so if you're a rapist and look I'm just this is the things I think about and I get to jail I'm an easy target you know I'm not a [ __ ] giant guy like he's like oh and he doesn't have that much hair like I was in it's a weird thing to think about how often do you think about this well I think about it when I get go to court and they go you're going to jail you know how many times have you been in jail uh I've been maybe five times most of them like just a week or a day and then the Japan thing where I was for three months but never more than a few months you know and I never got raped it's like almost it's almost a weird thing like I almost wanted it to happen so I could finally yeah you didn't try hard CU you sit and cuz you remember the Ed Edward Norton movie 25th hour where he has his best friend to beat the [ __ ] out of him yes so he would look ugly going in so he look look like a badass so I never went that far but it was like oh my God I forgot about that scene you know what a crazy strategy yeah but it's like it's okay I get to prison the first day a white gang Mexican gang whatever is like let's let's let's [ __ ] show the new guy like how it's done here I'm like at that point I'm like I'm going to be overpowered whatever this and that I was I in my mind I I made it up very early on I was like I'm not going to get [ __ ] in my ass it's not going to happen if I go to jail and like five guys hold me down and [ __ ] my ass or whatever then I'm I'm I'm going to die
the next day I don't want to be the guy that gets I'm going to [ __ ] kill the guy that did that to me and if If I Die Trying then I'll just be dead but I'm not going to like you know if they make me suck their dick I'll bite their dicks off you know I'm not I'm not strong statement you know like I'm not going to [ __ ] be the guy that just gets butt [ __ ] you know I know what you're saying what if you like it though man that is the problem like yeah I think you're going to like it fine well you know you have that Bingo button in your prostate or whatever yeah so allegedly allegedly I never push that [ __ ] I don't want that jackpot but on a regular like you know you've trained martial arts this and that and I I've heard like the Bruce Lee Story stuff where he's a badass so everyone always tries to fight him like on a regular week how how many times does someone try to fight you or never people never try to fight me I'm very nice I know you're nice somebody comes up to me I know you're a nice guy but does people ever go hey you think you know how to fight no no you know I I'm not like uh I'm not very impressed with myself you know I'm not like type of person who brags about what I can and can't do so it's not like I have to respond to things that I've said like I could kick this guy's ass I'll [ __ ] that guy up right I would never even I don't even think like that I do it for me I do it to to calm my crazy monkey body right I do it to keep my mind straight I do it to give myself something to something that's very difficult to do right because I think that as a a person often times we have a lot of intensely built up stress because of the the nature of average everyday life in comparison Jer off every day yeah ancient man had a completely different existence right but we essentially have the same body and so that body has like energy requirements and I find that if I don't test myself in some extreme way on a regular basis physically that I can't stay calm well I try to push like I've been painting my whole life right so I guess when any anyone does anything their whole life to other people it makes it look easy right so I'll paint and you know I'll just pick up a and and I paint quickly so I don't really spend too much time on
anyone painting you know and that's cuz I've practiced and practice you know what's your style too I mean you have a very particular style you know people will see me paint and go oh I think I could do that thank you very much for the werewolf that you made me that was cool as [ __ ] dude I wish the framing was done I'd have it hanging up while you're in here but that was very cool well that was cool to find out how much you liked comics and and and horror [ __ ] growing up and that you know that stuff for me is Fond to pay a it's the most it was to me it was so fun like the the old creepy and eerie and all those and and dude you bought me a whole book series too you're the nicest guy ever man well I you bought me a whole book series of those comic book uh horror things look I bad you've been doing this show for four years right almost yeah yeah I'm I'm a baby and but you've been like on Fear Factor you're you're in you've been in broadcasting for a while like broadcasting broadcasting well you've been in front of a camera t as an Entertainer yeah exactly I'm new to this [ __ ] you know it's and and that's another thing for me to challenge you know like I I my podcast is barely a year old uh that when I did the show for vice the thumbs up I was just fering and fumbling through like making [ __ ] up and no no the the vice things were cool dude the vice things got people to know you I first heard about you I'm sorry God it's just a lot of stuttering though and there's no so what it's a real person there's no script I'm just like uh and so to have like you Kevin Smith Anthony Bourdain Howard Stern like all these guys like let me be on their shows and interview them like a I get ridiculously sick before the show like I just get filled up with so much like nervous energy for this show like well I'm more calm now but like the first time I was on your show I puked like outside of chilies or something right here or did you really but I would have never expect I would have never believed that you seem so calm and relaxed well also I had a little food poisoning then too but just in general anytime like I I I have a lot of anxiety with being being like in front of cameras cameras or like anything like this I I like it because it makes me nervous in the same way like I would
like someone to at least attempt to try to butt [ __ ] me in prison it's like it gives it's an insane amount of nervous energy where I get shaky and then I just puke it out and then I'm good you know W like well it's one of those things that I think once you start once you start it right and then you just get comfortable and and and so I'm appreciative to you and everyone who's like let me be on their show and talk so it's like I think it's uh a little bit of a a lost art of writing a nice note or like you know it's like that's right hey hey bro had a good time send a text message it's like okay cool but like you know someone does something nice for you like do something nice well I re really recognize the gesture and I really appreciate it it was very very cool of you and very generous but I don't and now I don't want people who' have been on the show now just start sending me [ __ ] like oh David well that's the other thing it's like I don't want to send people [ __ ] that like I hate like I have a hard time throwing stuff away and people are like hey you're an artist I'm an artist and they send me a giant like shitty painting and I'm like this is so sweet that you did this but I sort of feel like [ __ ] now because I inspired you to paint this horrible painting and I you know I have a lot of space to put it so I'm like I have a real tough time throwing stuff away but like I know you like werewolf [ __ ] and you told me you like the EC horror stuff so I'm like Joe will like this oh it's very cool very cool thank you very much and I went to Kevin Smith's house he has a shitload of Batman toys so I'm like this guy for sure likes Batman toys but he doesn't have the best ones that I know about so it's like you know I like I like getting people stuff that they want you know not like just [ __ ] you know no no that's very very cool very cool of you man yeah you're you're a very uh thoughtful guy I I would have never thought that you were nervous the first time you did it because you were so calm and normal and relaxed and honest well it goes from this it goes from retardedly nervous like like like I can't like I get filled with and one of the main things that people say about me is like I interrupt people or I say like too much but it's because I have so much
I it's all in me and like I don't I don't know how this [ __ ] go well I've seen you do it right and I've seen Howard Stern do it and I seen and to me I see Joe pull up to the show sit down have a coffee and start talking and that's how I do everything that's how I do art people go what do you think about when you paint what do I go I don't think about [ __ ] I like I know you have your um deprivation chamber stuff to relax and stuff but for me like for podcasting for playing music for making art I sit there I try to like do the yoga not yoga the Zen uh uh meditation [ __ ] of just thinking about nothing like just BL go blank like from the Ghostbusters think of nothing and I just try to think of nothing and then I just try to explode you know but then I walked in on um the Nerdist they they broadcast from meltdown and they had all these writers writing [ __ ] and I I think they do that for the Stern Show too and I'm like this is crazy they like preparing they you know yeah and so for me I don't do any of that [ __ ] I just show up I turn the mics on and I start talking for like 10 hours straight cuz I usually do four podcasts back to back but it fills me with such nervous energy and it takes me a second where that nervous I puke it out first then I calm down and then in the same way where people are like oh when they see me paint they're like oh I could do that because then because I make it look easy whatever I do the show with Joe and then I'm like I think I could kick the [ __ ] out of Joe it's not that bad I think I could fight him I think I could take him you relaxed yeah you relaxed a little bit um I think too that the it's such a unique medium the podcast medium and it's really it it's a medium that like works best when you do it this way my opinion I think there's two types of podcasts there's like the Dan Carlin type podcast which we were talking about last night with Wayne fedman who's a buddy of mine who's a a hilarious comedian who became a fan of that Hardcore History Podcast right but it's not really a podcast the same way this is it's more like an audio book like a lecture a brilliant entertaining lecture on History whereas the but that's like a preparatory thing or Preparation thing but what we do is you you know essentially it's done best when
it's like who is David Cho today like we we vary who is David Cho today September 12th 2013 where you at right now what's going on right now where where you at in your your laundry list of experiences in this life and that's it's very unique in that way and a guy like you you know the only way we were talking about this before we even started right but about people wanting to do something with you oh we get you David CH we get you we know you're wild we know you're crazy we love that we want you to do that on our thing and then once you get involved with it you realize like oh no this is they don't get me no no no I can't you're telling me to do this and I want to do that and you tell me I can't swear and I can't say that I shouldn't say this and that'll that'll stop them from advertising you know HIC hops [ __ ] La this to me is the most perfect media to express myself when I'm not painting or doing anything cuz it's sh first of all the shit's free I don't have any ads and you don't have to listen to if you don't want and I know what I am and I know what I'm not you know like I'm I don't know [ __ ] about history I don't remember dates I'm not that smart where I'm going to actually like inform you about anything like I I just know that I have a feeling when I isolate myself when I'm when I'm I'm a bit of a recluse and I don't go out that the evil thoughts start coming in and I start feeling like a weird person and I'm like does anyone else feel like this or is it just me and a lot of times it is just me but like you know I get I get all anxiety anxiety and so then I go see a therapist and I'm like I don't even know if this is for me so for me the podcast is me and my friends bullshitting I talk about [ __ ] I know [ __ ] art hanging out this and that and then I could just verbal diarrhea all my problems out and you could listen or you could not listen but by me doing that I'm exercising my demons and you could relate or not relate go this guy's a weirdo or or not and I can only I could only talk about what I what I know and I I'll give you an example uh I just for the first time in four years had my first art show I haven't painted uh I did a few murals murals and [ __ ] in that time but not like an actual art show in a gallery or Museum and you know I I'm at a point in my life where money is I
don't need to play the money game which is a very rare thing to for to say like I don't have to make money doing anything I don't have to make money off my podcast I don't have to have art show and sell it out like so if I'm not playing the same game of most Humanity most people will never get a chance to say that right like I don't have to worry about money my kids don't have to worry about money their children don't have to worry about money so I'm starting to do some more charitable stuff to help people and as far as art goes I didn't become an artist so that only rich people can afford my art so I'm trying to do [ __ ] that's free at museums more murals whatever so I did a I did my art show in Mexico Meo but immediately after the art show um and actually it's still up if anyone's in Mexico City and wants to see it it's at the mum Del chopo at and it's called snowman monkey barbecue and uh it's like it's old gam gambling term that uh um is that online can we see that image online yeah you could see [ __ ] online what is it snowman what snowman monkey barbecue. MX um and so um I I'm I'm like that was crazy CU I had two and a half weeks to put that show together you know and I did murals and watercolors and sculptures and all that [ __ ] so wow what is what's going on back there oh yeah I just made [ __ ] out of uh uh Pata material oh my God that [ __ ] thing is huge bad ass how big is that man uh I don't know it's like three stories high holy [ __ ] that's insane that's a real work of but so it's like uh it's all it I haven't painted in four years I'm fuming around I'm doing [ __ ] and then someone's like here's a space at a museum you got two and a half weeks go just puking it all out you know Brian go back to that one large uh image of it if you would see fill that up with the screen look what that that's [ __ ] crazy look like a giant eagle looking thing yeah I mean it's it's everything I saw in Mexico everything that I felt and I just you know and I'm confident at this point in my life to paint you know when I was younger I would see something in my head and the hand eye coordination of like it wouldn't look exactly how I saw it now I can make exactly what I see in my head
come out so dude your head is filled with chaos you make me nervous just PE across the table from you yeah there's a there's that's dope so I just puked that [ __ ] out you know and then um Brian I don't think you can show that oh I think we can get in trouble so those were not real ladies and gentlemen they were definitely not real um so then I was at a dinner um a year earlier with Anthony Bourdain and David Chang and there's a food Symposium in Copenhagen every year called mad Symposium and it's like a food conference you know and it's just all Michelin star chefs like the that's cool the the the guys that do with food that kind of [ __ ] you know dude that's so cool looking that that the young child girl boy in the lower right hand corner with the eagle thing over its head what kind of bird is that if you saw that in detail it's just goes deeper and deeper like like the girl's being eaten by like a parrot but then her beak turns into another thing and there's a blue dogane I try to fractal almost well I try to do this like well I could talk to you about it because you understand the iwasa the iwasa opens something inside me where I'm tripping all the time now W I'm tripping all the time go to a doctor I mean they broke your trip button no it's crazy man like I don't F in what way you're tripping all the time like it's happening you know like you do mushrooms or you do iasa and then you start seeing [ __ ] it's just happening all the time now so you see it all the time it's all the [ __ ] time like you'll just be sitting down one day I'm seeing it right now I don't even like there's like a train track right here and then there's like weird colors coming down this way um really I don't want to sound like a weirdo but it's oh too late look you're an awesome weirdo I don't try to fight it the the images are just exploding non I mean I could differentiate between reality and whatever but it's if I just close my eyes like that time before you fall asleep and then just lay there I could just watch like this Symphony of I don't know what it means I don't try to make sense of it but it's happening so it happens on a super regular basis all the time and it only happened once you had your initial
iasa experience I did yeah in in one year I did uh mushrooms a few times and I did iasa three times back to back and since then it opened something inside me and you know it's the same visions that I would see like if I had a dream or whatever but now it's just all the time it's never there's no like oh now I'm going to trip and the iasa what the iasa on the third night oh my God the iasa on the third night you know the call it the spirit it talks to me and it said to me don't ever do this again you got you got your homework now you know what you need to do wow and I wrote everything down it's said you need to do this this and this and it gave me instructions of all the [ __ ] I need to do for the rest of my life like I couldn't do an eight lifetimes you know 20 lifetimes and it says you could abuse anything right I could start doing iosa recreational it's and it's it's a powerful tool and I don't want to abuse that you know so I'm like why would I need to do something I mean it it's I could I think I could still function as a human but it's all the time it's it's open now wow and it's uh it's cool I like it you like it yeah I love it it's not like maddening or whatever it's like um I wish this is one of those days where like you know if uh you and I were not in the same room right and I'd say well show me what it looks like right uh you know if you're describing a physical object you could take a photo of it and send it to me right right one day I hope that technology exists so I can actually see what you're seeing yeah like could you imagine if we found out that like your version of like various things that you're looking at is different than my version because you do it and you're like it's crazy Dave and I go but explain crazy and I'm like is your crazy the same thing that I'm see you know well it's like how much of what you impart as Beauty to something is based on your own personal or cultural context and if you could absorb another person's views like if you could see some maybe an actual visualization of something is not just the image itself it's the emotions attached to the image automatically by the mind and I think we all have different ones of those which is why some dudes like girls that are like really kind of overweight you know and some girls like really skinny guys
or some you know it's like you there something triggers in you well the one thing when people do like analysis and [ __ ] like what does it mean this and that one thing that I try to that I do a lot is I overanalyze stuff like why did I just draw this guy's own dick going into his own butt or why did I draw like a a over and over again yeah why did I draw yeah why did I draw why did you draw that 100 times well that that movie super bad when the the guy keeps drawing the dicks I was like why didn't I get that job nobody draws dicks uh veins on a dick better than me dude that was that hit on the that hit so close the home but it's everywhere if you go to any country and you take a [ __ ] in any public bathroom someone always draws a dick [ __ ] what is that desire to draw a dick A P symbol a [ __ ] you uh you know it's always the it's always goes back to the dick well who are these bathroom philosophers I do what is their Quest people who write like [ __ ] down on a wall it's a it's a weird thing it's like you're you're uh we're all admitting that we're experiencing the same uncomfortable moment so here's something to think think about distract you right well so when you have dreams and you have visions and you're like what did that mean did something happen in my life that day um I did a lot of over analyzing like that like why am I seeing this right now why is this dog's head exploding and then a mushrooms coming out and then flowers are coming out of the mushrooms and this and and it's turning into my mother's face slapping like what instead of thinking about that I just watch it now instead of trying to be like why is that happening it's just like cool this is happening and in the same way that mural everyone's like it just kept changing every day and it's like what is it is it an animal or is it this and what was happening in my life during that time first of all there's an unbelievable amount of pressure as an artist after not having a show in four years to you know every time I do a show I want it to be the best show I've ever done and this was like such a small amount of time to put that much art together that I was you know everyone's like you [ __ ] [ __ ] in Mexico I'm like I'm working I'm not didn't go to Mexico to [ __ ] you know but you have a
very strange way of saying [ __ ] how did how do I say it it's very bold oh really it's like it's got like bravado to it like you're wearing a cape I didn't go to Mexico to [ __ ] no it's like you're you have a confident way of saying [ __ ] what do I what do I like to do [ __ ] you just like it's like you're you're almost defiant in your tone so I got to tell you what happened I I uh you know cuz every I'm going to going to go off subject just for a second cuz no way every time not on this show every time I think wow I've experienced a new sexual thing that I've never like this is insane like how many are left when a girl shoots a ice cube up my butthole or or you know like or like when I'm laying down and then like five women are just giving me a massage just using their tongues I'm like oh five it's not going to get better than this you know like this is like you're living like a baller damn I didn't know it went over two-handed I thought it just stopped there you got 5-h handed and then so I meet a guy yesterday and he's like oh yeah we did some R red rope [ __ ] and this and that I'm like red rope sh I'm like I don't I don't know what that is he's like you don't know what a red rope surface is and I go no but please tell me like what the [ __ ] are you talking about right now my name is Marty and I'm the inventor of the red rope service so I'm like sitting there okay so you're laying on your it's a massage parlor you go it's not it's a service it's not a name of a place it's like a CO word you go can I get can I get the red rope okay so you're getting a massage and I think it's only in Asia and you're laying on your back and then you go you know you get you get to the happy ending point where she gets her di hard and everything and you're like I would like the red rope at this point she ties a rope and here's the crazy part it doesn't have to be red it's just a rope and they tie it to the whatever the the bars above the massage table and they hook their feet on it so they're upside down and so they start spinning around and then they put their mouth on your hard dick and then they let go and they helicopter their mouth around your dick all the way [ __ ] and I've never done it before but the guy says it feels like your dick's going to like you've never
felt anything like that before in your life and it feels like your dick is just going to explode with uh you know like a neutron bomb and explosion and then you and then it's done and it stops and then it spins the other way around dude listen Leave It To The Crafty Asians always figuring out something like that it's unbelievable cuz they they really like take sex to another level like they try to figure out the most pleasurable things to do to you and then they do them you know well they wrote books about it I mean you know the the what is that that book the um what's the [ __ ] the famous uh tantric book yeah what the [ __ ] is that book um f man uh what is that Tantra love book what well here's the thing about the red rope or of that [ __ ] B what the [ __ ] I know what you're I know what you're talking about cuz what is that book I do that tantric [ __ ] you know God damn it what's the name of the book though there's a a famous name that if you find it over people's house like oh they're a Freak no I yeah you know what I'm talking about I know what you're talking I do I doct I am a student of Tantra have you ever had a soapie where you're on a raft and they put like soap all over you and then they just rub your body up and down Brian I've done it all uh the red rope well here's the thing here's all the [ __ ] that we're talking about right the the Soapy raft the red rope whatever Kamasutra the Kamasutra I mean duh um here's the thing about all these weird sex things especially like at a massage parlor where they do those things you're like how does one girl do the red rope she had to learn it from they have to teach right someone who does a happy ending like amazingly right the the quality of service has to maintain you know like how can one girl give the best hand job she had to learn it so that's another thing I think about you know who's teaching them yeah who's teaching them is a class it's got to be who's the guinea pig the guy who owns the building who's the guinea pig you know the guy who owns the building yeah know [ __ ] big mayonnaise jarfi of Viagra exactly so I don't know if you know this Joe but I like to gamble I ien I haven't gambled in in almost a year and eight months now no one's counting but uh I used to gamble in maau and maau is like Vegas time 10 right it's Vegas
time a th000 a thousand they do [ __ ] in maau that shits on like one one good Casino in in uh in maau makes more money than all of Las Vegas what like their Venetian out there is two football fields wide like it's it's crazy oh my God and they have chips like you know you go to Vegas and you see black chips and green chips whatever they have like Square chips the size of this and you're like how what's that and they're like that's a million dollars a million dollars wow China if you ever thought China is going to run the world yes the answer to that is yes they don't give a [ __ ] they have money there that it's like you wouldn't even [ __ ] understand is that a good thing or a bad thing if China runs the world [Laughter] uh I mean you say China and everybody goes communism tan Square those are the two things that come up communism ten square and then you say America and what do they say Hiroshima nagasa you know well it all depends on whether you like Chinese food or not you know like if you like MSG it's good I don't know Chi Chinese people running [ __ ] who knows I do know that if you uh to like the three listeners out there that are into Asian guys if if you like Asian dudes if you like you know the hairless body and all that [ __ ] data Chinese guy from China because there's so many of them because you don't want to date a Korean cuz they're [ __ ] [ __ ] they're stubborn insecure judgmental [ __ ] you don't want to date like a weird Japanese guy China Chinese like to [ __ ] they like to [ __ ] a lot whoa these words why that's why there's billions of them there's more of Chinese than anywhere there's more Chinese people got a good point there right what is that point they don't like they don't like to pull out they like to come inside and they like to have babies so much that there's billions of them overpopulation what does the Chinese government do you can only have one child now you can only have one if you can only have one what do you want a boy what do the Chinese people do now for years now you can only have one kid or else you have to pay crazy taxes so if you're Chinese and you have brothers and sisters that means your parents are
probably Rich so you abort till you have a son so what does that do to the population now there's way more boys than there's women what does that do now they now like in the same way they used to do the male Uh Russian maale order bride now they do that for China with Vietnamese and Filipino there's not enough women so that they need to do Filipino male order bride Thai mail order bride and what does that do there's I don't know I don't know statistics but I think it's something like 10 for every 10 guys there's one girl so what does that do to the entire country it creates homosexuality more higher numbers and if you're if you're a dude and you're lucky enough to get a girlfriend you're gonna treat her amazing you're gonna treat her like a [ __ ] princess so ladies if you like Asian dudes get a Chinese guy well it seems like a recipe for [ __ ] chaos because it doesn't seem like if you live like that you only have one child and the majority of them are men it first of all doesn't feel like that's sustainable but it feels like people are going to be so unhappy people are going to be so crazy well one answer is to get this book called The Kamas Sutra and learn some tantric [ __ ] so you don't [ __ ] come inside and have so many goddamn babies you know that's not going to help at this point at this point it seems like when when you have that situation already in place where you're only allowed to have one kid so you have this excess of males and this completely imbalanced setup whenever you have imbalance like that it creates unrest it it's bad what they could be doing is just setting up their entire country to like change the tone of the country right well here's the thing that I know I know when uh [ __ ] is [ __ ] crazy cuz the art gets really good you know the art in China is better than the art in the rest of the world because they have been t because they have been living under communism like Brian only [ __ ] porn stars and he thinks it's going to be a step up for him to start dating artists that is like 10 steps down wait till you hear his comedy after he starts dating an artist it'll be the best comedy he's ever done in his life cuz they're crazy they're horrible especially ones that
paint a lot of self-portraits of themselves I mean come on give me a [ __ ] break hey let's not get specific here let's not get specific but you know what I'm saying yes I know exactly what you're saying so like um so I'm in China and I'm gambling and and I get stressed out and they go do you want to go get a massage and I and I told the guy he goes you know a massage or a massage and I go no like like seriously like a regular massage I want to calm down so he gives me the number for this place in like old maau and I go in and it's amazing it's like giant huge sofas where you could kick back and the guy runs and goes do you want a sandwich and some ramen or whatever I'm like yeah give me some noodle soup give me a Ramen then the the dude rolls up and he's like you got some like hard skin on the bottom of your feet you want me to shave that off I'm like yeah [ __ ] yeah you know wait a minute Manny Petty dude a Manny Petty yeah so I got a dude shaving with a razor blade like the hard skin on the off the bottom of my feet and then a little girl just comes and sits on my shoulder and she goes do you want your ears clean and I go yeah and she's doing like little flowery [ __ ] blowing in my ear digging all this like ear wax out and I'm like I feel like a goddamn princess right now and then a s of sort of like milfy older not that attractive but you know got some weird mil Vibe that's my type comes up and goes do you want to do you want a leg massage and I and this is all like 30 bucks wow you know like now I got three people catering to me I got one dude on my feet one chick uh cleaning my ears and I think at one point I had four like one chick was like do you want a head scalp massage and I was like let's just do the whole thing you know so you're just sitting there like a goddamn King and then the lady that's G giving me my thigh massage she's like sitting on a little stoop between me rubbing my legs rubbing my calves and then once in a while she goes from one leg and then she goes to the other leg and one time when she went to the other leg her hands scraped the bottom of my balls I was like oh whoops sorry like was that an accident and then did you ask well I was like oh that sort of cool you know did you say something I didn't say anything I was I was getting my ears whatever
right right a lot was going on but then she goes to the other leg and this time she grabs my balls I go that's not an accident so I'm like monkey grabs the peach right and uh I'm sitting there and she starts that image monkey grabs a peach and so now she's giving she's giving me a a a HJ but not like an aggressive HJ it's like just she's just playing with my balls you get so many hand jobs you've broken it down to two letters it's just the old HJ well there's the dry HJ there's a wet HJ rub maps terminology right there do you have the monkey monkey steals the peach but she's just giving me like um just like a boring just she's not trying to get me off she's just massaging she's just being nice to you and I and but then I start getting hard and I'm laying on a sofa thing like this right next to my friend right like our feet are touching oh that's kind of gay so so I'm like it's kind of gay you like dude push off me I'm getting hard I want to feel the firm bottoms of your feet I want a toe shake with you but there's a blanket over my my dick so I start getting hard and she starts hitting it on her hand and showing my friend she's like look your friend very hard and I'm like don't do that don't do that and uh and I'm like this is weird I'm getting a sexual act while other people are like like manicuring me you know that's so crazy and it was and then it's 15 minutes and she stops and she goes do you want it to go on or whatever and I'm like let's stop for right now let let me let me um let me just try to figure out what just happened right now you sound like a business manager let's stop for right now stop right now and uh we're going to get the team together and assess where we go from here so they all stop they go away and I go bro that girl was like said do you want a thigh massage and she was massaging my balls and he's like that was awesome and then we're talking and we're looking at everyone so we look like the feet manicure people are mostly dudes the ear cleaning chicks are usually like really small CU they sit on you right and the thigh massage ladies for the most part and they all have different color jackets this is what my job is MH so the thigh massage ladies are all mils they're all they're all older and they're not all hot some of them aren't even
hot then I saw one with a thigh massage jacket that was young and beautiful and I said hey hey thigh massage thigh massage and she's like uh she had a weird look and I was like what what what and then the old one that just gave me one comes and goes you don't want her and I was like no no no I do and she goes first day doesn't know what she's doing like you're like perfect perfect I want her and she goes no no no no no and she goes you don't want her like I'll do it I'll do it again I know what I'm doing and I go no no no I want her she's like they start speaking in and they go like okay and then all this [ __ ] I'm talking about the dreams came true they tell me to get up I go into a side room and she trains her on me I'm the guinea pig they never even look at me she's the the young one's like this she starts G he's like no no and she starts yelling like this and they're having a fight arguing over my dick practicing giving me a hand job and I'm like this is the best day of my life wow I'm I'm the guinea pig of the girl that gets trained on how to give a thigh massage and you're in maau and I'm in maau you must have felt like you were in an Indiana Jones movie I always feel like I'm in an Indiana Jones movie but I I'm always Short Round you know like we steing on cookie that sounds incredible that sounds like the craziest freakiest experience ever it was it was amazing and it it it was nothing close to sexual for them I was just a [ __ ] piece of meat you know she was like like this no no no no like this and was like amazing I was like I was like I want this to go on forever and you know amazing so things like this happen and then and then I I have uh you say I say [ __ ] I I talk about this [ __ ] you know and it's like it's sort of like suicide to just keep openly talk about but the freaky chicks that listen to me they hear me say a story like this and then they're like oh I'll [ __ ] I'll do some [ __ ] to him that he's never so why why would you say it's suicide to talk about things like this um there was a girl that I liked a long time ago when I did a different podcast called Karen's gone bad and I was considering I've been single for eight years now and I was considering dating her settling down and she goes F first thing was no more podcast like I
can't be like with a dude that's talking about people practicing hand jobs on his dick you know which makes sense you know you don't want to be with right I I wouldn't want to be with someone like that you know so it's so you know when I put all my [ __ ] out there mhm I I'm on a I I have my own podcast uh DVD ASA where beside you know a is a porn star but everyone else on the show they don't want to share that [ __ ] and that makes sense you know they're not you know yeah but she knows who you are you know right right I mean you are who you are you're you're a very interesting guy the idea that everyone has to be uniform right right and then we all have to fit into the same pattern of of control what's happened is I've turned into like uh when guys look at a chick and they're like she's a [ __ ] Like that's a you're a male [ __ ] that's a chick you [ __ ] but you would never take home to your mom that's how girls look at me now I think some do but some probably which I love don't they think that it's probably like a challenge to be the girl that cracks his his his mind open it's exciting to me cuz because this is what married guys this is what married guys say to me don't you get sick of it Dave no you know why they say that don't you get sick of it they want you to join their misery well they and and I and I get it cuz I I know like some famous people that do [ __ ] a lot and they say this [ __ ] like you're getting dangerously close to start sucking dick you know once you start what it happens you know listen man this listen to me this is the problem with married people this is coming from a dude who's married married people are much like people that want you to use the same cell phone service as them right they're like dude why you with Verizon okay AT&T you can answer your phone what and they get like real passionate about it they want you to be miserable with them for whatever reason and it's not a knock on AT&T it's just an example whether it's window or PC there's people that want to you to use what they use right and people who are married are like come on dude why don't you just [ __ ] get married man become one of us they just want you to they have accepted this new stage of existence and they want for whatever reason everybody else to be exactly like them or it becomes uncomfortable cuz I
do the same thing I go why don't you just get divorced and come [ __ ] all these girls with me take my sloppy seconds you know I got hit with a [ __ ] ball take some trrap not you know take my sloppy seconds what a great and you know what I don't give a [ __ ] dude I'm in I don't I don't I you go first you I'll take sloppy seconds I don't give this podcast is an mou s you know guys are like ew dude you're going to [ __ ] a girl I was like you guys all go first you can go first you could take sloppy seconds I'll go I'll go last wow I'll eat Joe and Brian's come out of I don't give a [ __ ] how spray some how dare you I'm not gay I don't give a [ __ ] well you're that would yeah I can see how some girls would have a problem with no but Joe I understand I understand that because it's sort of true they go don't you get sick of that another sex story another [ __ ] quadruple hand job another like tongue I have a problem with people that have a problem with people that don't get tired of [ __ ] like why do you care people have called me a misog is I love love women I love them and I'm not sick of it every time I have sex again it's I I I can see the feelings of maybe I'll get bored of this one day but in eight years I haven't why why is that a point of concerned for you if you're a happy person if life truly is a temporary existence and if you are a good person and you are you're a very nice guy right so aren't those those bases are covered then why what what difference I'm going to do some I'm going to do some Asian math for you oh Jesus I'm 80% happy 80% of my life I'm happy with how I'm living it what I'm doing 20% of my life is miserable I I look at married people I go I want that I look at this and that but I go at the end of the day when I do the math part the Asian math part I'm like my life is so [ __ ] awesome whatever that next 20% to fill up that to make it a 100% whatever has to be so [ __ ] amazing that I'm going to [ __ ] risk what I have right now you know so there's parts of my life that I'm like oh [ __ ] you know I don't have a wife I don't have kids that say I love you dad [ __ ] like that but you know what 80% pretty good don't have to give that up to you know but you don't know Dave you don't know the love of a child
that's some [ __ ] I know but you don't also don't know the love of two [ __ ] women fighting over your dick that don't speak English you know like like it so this is what I think either or right it doesn't matter and the real problem is people want it to be the way they're living and you know what who gives a [ __ ] I don't say never you know when someone goes hey Dave are you gay I go not yet I don't know I might be one day so I might be married one day people go are you going to get married and I used to say no I'm never getting married but I might one day I don't I don't know if I'm not or you know dude there's nothing wrong with anything you're saying but here's the thing that I do see with guys that [ __ ] a lot is they get into the you know this that the group sex the anal uh threesoms then it goes to [ __ ] sheales sorry sorry sorry point I take [ __ ] is derogatory now transgender dude I got attacked by the transgender yes me too [ __ ] is like saying [ __ ] or [ __ ] or or you say TS or trans or transexual TS like you know when midgets get mad for it's little people or uh what's FS with a TS I don't know so but you know you you keep you know it's when you catch Hugh Grant or Eddie Murphy and they're with like a weird look it's cuz they've already [ __ ] Elizabeth Hurley they've already [ __ ] the hottest supermodels and then they want something else you know so I understand that too and people are like Dave the path you're on you're going to start letting guys suck your dick just just for fun just to feel the stubble on your balls you know you're getting there and I'm like it's possible right it is possible I'm anything's possible man I see [ __ ] blue snakes in this room right now as as your friend I would say it's possible and I would say don't worry cuz it's not the worst thing that can happen to you right there's a lot worse [ __ ] but I'm going to bring all the [ __ ] back to Mexico so so this is what's going on in my life and and people tell me [ __ ] about the red rope you know but I get to Mexico I'm not there to [ __ ] I'm there to paint but you know the thing about love the funny thing the thing about love you never know when it's going to hit right you should be you should be I can see you entering through bead doors remember those bead doors that they used
to have when you would buy porn when you were a kid yeah in Mexico I painted with uh one of the last living uh Mexican surrealists uh p p Pedro fredberg which was an amazing exper what is his actual name Pedro fredberg Pedro fredberg he's amazing he's old school he's like 80 years old still drinks like mcal smokes and just we just sat in painted but I also met the greatest comedian of all time of all [ __ ] Joey Diaz uh no no no not Joey Diaz is funny but this this is on some Next Level [ __ ] this guy again Pedro Fredo BG Fredo f e uh he's a Jewish Mexican so it's that's hilarious I'm looking him up oh there he is he's motherucker he's like the mcer of uh of Mexican art you know so I'm having like this I'm painting with him for the show I'm painting my own [ __ ] and who you never know when Love's going to hit you you know so I meet this girl in Mexico my Mexican girlfriend my friends love calling her that and uh she doesn't have a phone that I can text her so we have a super like WB Dawson's Creek kind of relationship where she lives two blocks from my studio and to contact me she has to throw rocks or lighters or sticks at my window oh that's beautiful so I'm like cool this is what it feels like to be a normal person every morning I wake up and I have a job to paint this show it's not like oh next week I'm going to be in Cambodia next week I'm it's like every day I'm painting so that feels regular and now I have this chick that really likes me she's an AR I like her and this is what it feels like to have a girlfriend you know so I'm like cool and she's super busy so she doesn't have that much time for me anyways and we didn't have sex right away I really liked her and uh she did this weird move that we talk about on our show all the time which is black people when they have sex with Assa they never take their shoes off or their socks off they need traction it's a weird thing like they'll she says they'll even take their pants off to and their shoes to take the pants off and then put the shoes back on they want to be able to [ __ ] with like a lot of force behind it and she was the same way she's like she's like uh I don't I don't want take my socks off the first time we did it the lights were off she's like I'm not taking my socks off I'm like oh like
black eyes and she goes no like Woody Allen and I go oh I don't stop saying that so I'm [ __ ] her and the whole time she's like like Woody Allen like Woody Allen I'm like stop saying Woody Allen and so I really like this girl I'm starting to to to you know this is a joke that I've killed but I keep saying it's the worst STD you could possibly catch feelings uh so I like her and yeah and uh it's going good and all a sudden the show became a relationship advice with David Cho and one night cuz she loves drinking she's a hard drinking Mexican sloppy we're having sloppy sex and she goes you like my little piece and I go I what and she goes uh I have a little piece I go and and her English isn't perfect so I go I don't know what your saying right now and she goes it's really shy and it doesn't come out all the time and I go what and she goes you know like a little penis and I go and the thing is every every night every day that I painted in Mexico my hands are caked in pain right and I would come home and I'd scrub him so she would let me finger her you know and girls you know Joe you know how many urinary tracking podcast is the greatest thing that's ever happened in my life me to you know how many urinary tract infections these hands have given I know now I I I I cut my nails I scrub them I get all even with the scrubbing I get some paint on still but you know if I'm painting a giant mural like that I'm going for it my hands are covered in paint and then the the chemicals you use to take the paint off as well right doesn't that linger in the skin exactly so I go home and I spend like hours cleaning my hands cuz I want a finger you know could you get a chick drunk with turkin time I'm sure you can you know it seems like that would absorb skin yeah yeah that guy is weird clean stupid don't say [ __ ] like that dud just if you just stopped and thought about half the [ __ ] you said just cut out half of them you'd be amazing he'd be like the greatest podcast sidekick of all time so right now you're number two what what do you get from I know who number one is what do you do from that Joe you you started having sex with a girl you really like she doesn't speak perfect English and man I don't know and she
tells you in the middle of the night she has an extra piece that only comes out sometimes ah you would have to really decide how much you liked her I really did like so what difference does it make I've seen I've had a girl that does mean she said it and immediately my brain goes oh my transgender that's what you thought she said it uh and immediately my brain goes oh my God I'm going to lose my boner right now I'm like I'm with the guy but it only got harder so I I I don't I don't know what that and so it means you're a Savage you're enjoying the real Primal I I try to laugh it offness of the experience I was like what are you talking about like I Tred to like and then you came like a [ __ ] rhino oh and and as soon as she as soon as she says it I I go for the fingers I'm searching and she goes it's shy it doesn't come out all the time I go my brain is thinking as soon as she walks out that door I'm going to Google hermaphrodite I'm gonna is is that even how it works that a penis is inside the vagina my dick is inside her vagina she has a dick in there our dicks are rubbing right now her little dick is going into my dick well it's not most likely it's an enlarged C [ __ ] right no no her [ __ ] was fine you know I I looked at the [ __ ] she said it was inside and it doesn't come out all the time and she seemed a real thing did you like look this up like in medical journal I looked it up I couldn't find a picture of that but I don't I've been with a girl that's like that hermite her so this is a her Hey Joe I think the girl that's like that what it is it's like this like right on the top of the penis there's some girls have this little thing that comes out and it looks like a little baby kid finger that's a that's a clitoris just an enlarge I've I've seen women who have enlarg curus and where it comes out yeah and it looks um you know it looks like a little penis but this is not that she had a normal uh clitorus and I'm searching I don't and here's the thing wow it's a weird thing to say someone to someone during sex right it's a weird thing that's how you're going to bring it up you're going to bring it up bring it up now so listen [ __ ] don't pretend you ain't enjoying this sweet boy [ __ ] but let's be honest this is a lot
of things and it's and it's a it's a weird thing to say this is many things yeah I mean she you enjoying the [ __ ] out of it [ __ ] she's constantly [ __ ] herself and she's like oh your dick got harder yeah I guess right yeah um I'm going to look for images human hermaphrodite okay you find it did you taste it who it's very odd wow I don't want to see what you're looking at right nowo it's not what I thought it is it's uh that's fascinating and because I over analyze everything I start thinking am I gay now and there's a there's a little uh liberating feeling I'm like yes finally I'm gay there's nothing about this girl let me see her face if she you know that that there's nothing about this chick that's male she's a beautiful girl she's cute that might be a little hot then I'm like I found the perfect man woman the tentacle well I hang out with my guy friends all day and I go on bro dates and I'm like man I wish you had a [ __ ] wow that is just so weird to say well I don't know if I would keep eating we on a lunch date and you're like I'm oh my might need my uh I need my energy to fight this dude off I don't know what the [ __ ] going down next let's get out Joe you don't have guy friends let go I could rape you if I wanted no GRE Greg Simmons has a very funny joke about if he was trapped on a deserted island and he get to pick his wife or one of his friends right he would go I would take a guy he has this great joke it's [ __ ] funny and he's like because we would just laugh we'd go in the woods and jerk off and then we'd just be hanging out with each other he goes if it was my wife it would like P I I'm not doing that bit Justice by the way Greg Sor I'm paraphrasing pick a guy that and you have to be bigger than him in case that day comes when you want to rape your friend also why would you rape your friend if you really friends You' jerk each other off that's true trapped on an island together I'd jerk you off butthole to butthole just touching butth holes it's not as gay but it's all gay you're all you're naked you're trying to come it's gay you should just if you were like at that point we like rubbing butth holes and you're telling a chick like look baby I mean we were on that island for 10 years the worst I did is rub but holes with them she'd be like
why didn't you just suck each other off who cares poop on an island he pooped into my butt I pooped into his butt forever if you were I mean it's like it's not just whether or not how long would you hold out in prison you know it's would you want to hold out would you want to hold out or would you just said it's an amazing skill to have to just send your mind somewhere else you know the whole thing if you're getting raped and you just want to go somewhere El not we're not even talking about rape we're just talking about gay sex like you blowing your buddy cuz you're both just collecting coconuts for the rest of your life on this deserted island occasionally one of you gets a boner like come on man can you just pretend you're a girl bro I [ __ ] love you I saved you from that snake first of all you right-handed or left-handed I'm right-handed but I use my left hand for a lot of things well I'm left-handed and I jerk off with my left hand so we could do side by side and also interesting but the thing is did you do that from holding an iPad with your right you get like really good with the iPad and you're just like oh I'm amazing I'm like top Cru in the [ __ ] Minority Report uh but I just closed my eyes and I just try to pretend like it was my dick okay I'm drinking off my it' be like doing the stranger when you sit on your hand and you make it go I would just pretend I was a girl for five minutes Jesus Christ how hard would it be why would you just [ __ ] a hot oil in your hand and jerk your friend off Jesus Christ it's not gay you're helping each other out you're both trapped is it gay to get a massage I used to think it was gay to get a massage by men until I realized that it is gay until they stick their fingers in your butthole I'm a manly man and I desire I need hard massages I can't just get a regular massage cuz I'm thick like a couple thae girls that would take care of you don't have to ever go to a guy no trust me dude they can't do it I get I go through these torture deep tissue massage sessions that you need like a really strong dude Bri said I just I'm I'm in pain right now cuz I got a TI chick to just destroy me last night oh really I mean she I was crying I was like what is that wet stuff I was like
she probably wouldn't make me cry though cuz you're a real man you're a manly man I'm a Savage when it comes to Time Massages no they're when they step on your back especially that's that is pretty intense [ __ ] I went to uh one once and this lady was standing on either side of my back and she had her hands clamped on my wrist and had my arms like stretched back and she was just walking up and down my back and I was like wow like this lady's probably done this a thousand million times she just had it down it was almost like a Jiu-Jitsu move right like you get really good at a triangle and then you lock it in tight it's just just strong in that position that's how she was with this crazy arm thing when's the first time you got a massage by a guy like years ago a long time ago first time was this uh this Mexican dude who uh worked for one I think it was a Mexican boxing team but you had the conversation in your head right you're like it's not gay I don't give a [ __ ] no no he was he wasn't gay he was a m no no I'm saying for you you're like we [ __ ] a couple of times but it was just because I owed him money no no no you had a you had a you had had massages by women and you had made up your mind it's not strong enough actually no I need a man to do it actually no I'd never had a massage by woman I had never had a massage period and this guy was shocked that I was a competitive athlete and that I never had a massage and I had done all this uh martial arts competition and everything and I never had a massage when I was uh when I was young like my approach to nutrition and vitamin supplementation and all that it was really kind of crappy right you know and so I never got massages when I was competing I never did any of that [ __ ] so this one dude who was a friend of a friend who had a problem with his shoulder is like I'm telling you man this dude like changed the way my body moved like he's it doesn't feel good it [ __ ] hurts but when it's over like everything just sort of snap and flows and moves good just he loosens you up and he had this uh happy ending no happy ending but he had this way of uh it was like a I think it's called a uh pressure release or Point release or something like that style of massage where you would just [ __ ] trigger release it would just pinch down
on these muscles and pull it across it [ __ ] hurts man it's similar in a way to ring have you ever had that done yeah yeah raling is another like really brutal form of uh massage I've had it all man I've had that stuff's great though that that stuff if you work out a lot it's like well I went I had that conversation with myself too like years ago when I lived in New York there's a Russian bath house like on the Lower East Side uh it's like a schitz and all that [ __ ] and I want I was like [ __ ] I feel like [ __ ] I should get a massage and they're like there's only do you care there's only guys and I was like at that point I'd only gotten massage from women I'm like what the [ __ ] do I care you know it's not sexual and it's like guy cut to well it's like I I had a I had a problem of getting's well I had a problem of getting boners every time I got a massage no matter what just just cuz I was Lov someone touching me like that you know so I'm I had the you remember the Seinfield where George is like I think it moved when the guy so I'm like I don't even want to mistakenly get a boner but I was like whatever it was like a old like Eastern European guy bunch of Fedor looking dudes not your type I'm like whatever so look like he was like an old man if you had to compare him to a movie star uh is he in your Ben gazari he looked like Ben gazari Ben gazari Who the hell's that uh he's like you watching indie films all your friends pretend [ __ ] still black and white yeah no he's an actor I think he was uh Vincent Gallo's dad in Buffalo 66 oh my God that obscure That was supposed to be a good movie it's about gambling Ben gazari yeah okay in your spank wait why do you want this visual right now I don't know just I'm trying to oh Ben gazara yes oh that guy's a bad [ __ ] so a lot of [ __ ] so I'm like I'm not going to get a boner during a Ben gazara massage oh yes you would I would if it was Ben gazara just out of respect and also I hadn't gotten a lot of massages where I take all my clothes off I always like leave my boxers on or something so so I get in the room and he's like oh he's dead he goes take all take your clothes off and I'm like all right whatever and then he puts the oil on and he starts massaging my butt and I'm it's the butt is the the exclamation point on his
massage it's shoulders back to butt C back to butt and I go I go hey um you know butt's not that sore doesn't doesn't really like it's cool like thanks and then he just started kneading my butt and started talking about how he misses home and and this and I was like I was like dude you got to stop touching my ass man I'm I'm over it like please stop doing that and then he kept doing it I was like all right he kept doing it after you told him to stop well he was in a Zone like just talking to himself like pretending like it wasn't happening and he was ready to suck your dick I was like all right and that was last time how many decks do you think he probably sucked that week him or me that guy oh uh uh it's probably his move man yeah I don't know I miss home the only way to get away from this Miss is penis and mouth come on I just had the worst massage thing I'm I think I'm done now I was in Santa Monica and it was like I was trying to think carefully if you want to say this on the air oh yeah yeah it's fine but uh I was actually thinking like I'll just get a legit massage this place was open really late though and it looked really nice outside you know so I was like uh are you open and I think they might have just sent the last girl home because I saw this pretty decent looking girl walk out the side door and then what time is it uh 9:30 you know Sant there's really for the most part no legit massages happening after 9:30 yeah like most massage places close down around 9 you know yeah but this was right down the street from Boa so I'm like all right it can't be too crazy you know all right so uh I I go in and this really old fat Asian lady was there and and I was like are you open and she's like oh yeah yeah good and so I go in the room and I now just always take my all my clothes off I don't even keep boxers on all the time now just in case if you know the girl is really hot that's cool you know but I just wanted a real massage and then she walks in wearing like a dress no underwear nice and like cut really short and just fat and old like like a grandma old like I'm and she was dressed up like totally changed clothes I heard somebody go to the bathroom so that means she went into the bathroom and washed herself you know and stuff like that cuz she smelled like this perfume and then
she she gets on top of me removes the towel gets on top of me and just kept on bouncing like her uh vagina was like on my butthole like it was just just like oh she's like on you yeah on me just bouncing and she's just like not really massaging or anything uh I don't think so I think I don't I was freaked out and so I was just like play dead play dead play dead like don't even like don't make a noise I'm thinking like uh I hope she like really gets off me if she just will startop start massaging me so suddenly she starts rubbing her hands on my back and her she had calluses or something because it just scratched and it was it hurt though like it it felt like she was like stabbing me like hurry like like so I'm just like ah ah and then like she flips me over eventually and stuff like that is there any point where you're like I'm going to just leave right now um no because I didn't want to be rude and I thought she would she was kind of trying and then she but oh she started playing with my like butt and stuff like like a lot of places give you prostate massages and I'm trying to like tighten it up like that's one of the funniest statements anybody ever say a lot of places give you prostate it's pretty popular compared to what I'm I'm really good now at like what you said like when uncomfortable like [ __ ] like that I would be bad at leaving cuz but like now I walk out of movies I walk out of massages I I'm just like I'm not into this anymore and I just get up and I leave you know a I should have done that yeah it ended really bad and then when she flipped me over she just kept on like touching my dick and I'm like no like this and stuff like that and then she finally gave up and then left and then came in and watched gave up like you didn't get hard for her no I couldn't I shut up no seriously I didn't I I I was so grossed out I was like freaked out I had my eyes cuz like how many times have you been back uh I'll never get back there how many times have you jerked off thinking about it never she's not in my spank bank it was too gross my spank bank there's a massage place by my house which one that listen let's not name names want to get anybody in trouble I live in Korea Town oh cool and I I've been going to this place for over 10 years you know do they have
young girls no it's a it's not a sex place it's a complete legitimate massage place and like Joe when I go to a place when it's some like some white chick or something it's not a good massage you go to the taii place or you go to the Korean place where they look like your mother they [ __ ] rip your [ __ ] up dude they they go [ __ ] crazy like you know they give you they get in there they stand on your back they pound your [ __ ] and yeah afterwards you feel all spelt and nice and flowy whatever Gio's boxing gym in Burbank there's a massage parlor that's connected to it D dude dude no no no best good legit massage legit massage so this is a place I've been going to for 10 years not that much but you know every time I know that I just want a regular massage I know that some chick that looks like my mom or my aunt is going to give me a great massage and then I'm done you know so I but I haven't been back for a few I moved to New York whatever um um and my way of dealing that that whole thing with me puking before going on shows is I started getting massages and I'm like hard ones I'm like it has to be a hard deep tissue and I was like I'm going to go back to that place and uh so I already told this story but I'll tell it quick it it's the same story as yours all the it's 9:30 or 10 all the the you know they're not ugly but they're just older and it's just the mamasan the she's like I'm like oh I'll just come back she's like no no no just come come in and I'm like okay never once even thought that I was going to get a hand job you know I get in there she comes in and then I'm like oh the [ __ ] lady the receptionist is giving me I'm like all right cool amazing massage cracks my neck cracking sounds back just [ __ ] doing it and then uh you know she flips me over and starts jerking me off and I'm like oh that's what I thought when I came in it was always like a $40 massage place like a cheap Korean massage and then it was $75 now or something like that I was like what a $30 increase and like what the [ __ ] is that that's a bargain and a half though if you're like what could they be doing different H maybe it's an incense tax maybe it's scented candles that they have to pay she she flips me over and and and she
goes like like she just does a couple ball flicks like do you want this and I was like I was like no but I was like yeah and and you were like no but you were like yeah like 12 yeah exactly and and I'm like there's and I was like Brian I was like there's no way I'm going to get hard but because she's a professional yeah she's good whatever she did lot lots of hot oil wow I'm like whoa and then I'm pretty sure this is a massage parlor faux PA the thing the Bell from someone else coming in hello is someone in here she goes okay wait so mid jerk mid jerk she stops and I hear you know it's like a small place so I hear their whole conversation he's like hey is uh Rachel or Jenny working tonight he's like no everyone go home uh wait uh 10 minute uh maybe 5 minute and I and I get and the GU you could tell he's like no I think I'll come he's like no no stay I give you discount I give you $10 discount and he's like H and I'm sitting there and my Bon is just going and I'm like cuz you're seeing her actively be rejected it's bad on both fronts and just and just like I got a break I'm like I could cut out right now and I'm like I should leave and then and the negotiation is like he's one foot out the door he's like I don't know he's like no no no no come in I'll be done in five No 3 minutes I'll be finished 3 minutes and like I'm like I'm going to get up okay I'm going to I'm going to like count to 10 in my head right now 10 nine when I get to one I'm I'm going to walk out the door so I start sitting up and then she the guy's like I'm going to go he left and she runs back in and she goes lay down and I go okay so I lay down and now I'm deflated I'm like I said it's it's okay I'm just going to go and she goes no no no no and she starts up again and now she's just playing with my wet noodle it's not it's like there's too much thought in and and I go stop right there is there a sad moment in life someone's tugging on your dick and you don't want them to yeah yeah I'm like it's it's done it's it's cool she go this lady's fa and it's a dark room she doesn't give a she's a trained trained assassin she wasn't even worried for a second she goes okay okay she reaches behind her and tears a piece of Saran Wrap and I go what's going to happen now
I don't know what this is right now and she [ __ ] like puts some [ __ ] on my ass lube and she like puts the she she holds my legs up like this and Taps my legs like like hold your legs and I'm like okay so I'm holding my legs like this and I go I don't know what's going to happen right now but I'm going for it she puts the Saran Wrap over my butthole and I go she's going to lick my ass right now like through the Saran Wrap to this day besides the part where when I was a kid then I put a vacuum cleaner on my butthole I've never felt this before she didn't stick her tongue into my butthole she sucked my butthole she put her lips around my butthole and sucked and I was like never felt that before whoa dick gets hard immediately a few seconds just Jer he shot a load without even jerking off yeah no she jerked me off but it was like how much time between her putting the Saran Wrap over your butthole and you shooting a load how much time 15 seconds to put the SAR WP 5 Seconds to shoot oh my God she was got a heart immediately IM like I was like I've heard of girls putting their finger up a guy's butt and licking it and right she sucked the butthole she sucked my butthole so I I'm filled with so much shame I'm like I'm I'm like she's like and you know she just throws the towel on me she's like okay cool oh my God and I'm like you know does this lady when she goes to the supermarket and she buys the Saran Wrap does the lady know what she's going to use it for when she brings it home and the kids are like Grandma why you buy so much Saran Wrap every week like oh my God I I I go in the car and I go I can never talk about this day and then I told what yeah I mean it was how dare you how do you even lie to yourself like that well unlike Brian I've been back like several times now so and where is this again it was they hit hard times you know it went from a totally legit place to suck an [ __ ] with Saran Wrap place you need a open your [ __ ] up a little more and quit judging so much you know oh he's not judging yeah I had a horrible experience doing it comedy sake her hands hurt she gave me zero massage if she gave me some kind of massage I would probably but you have to be honest man just cuz you had a good experience doesn't mean you can't accidentally wind
up with a demon yeah we all know you could wind up with a demon I true I had an old lady in uh Pasadena she was soft hands it was nice don't say names or places she grinded you could yeah Brian she grinded on her butthole with her Gil shaved [ __ ] you know come on man her what Gil grandma oh grandma that's so dark so Joe I got so Dave we keep going first of all that [ __ ] story it's one of the greatest stories I've ever heard in my life I just got to tell you it changed my way of thinking about being single here's the thing it's like that that experience was so important and so funny and there's so few people that would express it with the same kind of honesty and Glee that you do it with that it's almost like a dis service to mankind if you decide to to settle down we would have like a real hard time with that and anybody who wants to stop your podcast is a cultural criminal well this is what I see after traveling a lot the this is what I see in Chinese and Italian culture and it's like in this Society there's a lot of crying oh my God my husband cheated on me it's like yeah that's just sort of what guys do there's sort of almost like an Acceptance in China and Italy where you got your gumma and you got your wife as long as your hand jobs and girlfriend [ __ ] doesn't [ __ ] [ __ ] with your family it's almost like an understanding of the wife knows you're going to go get massage parlor hand jobs or have a girlfriend and it's like just don't put it in my face you know like you have a business meeting you guys are all going to [ __ ] hookers get it but don't don't bring it back to me you know that's in a lot of European cultures as well right like the prime minister of France didn't he openly have they're like they're cool they're just like they're like I think Monica beluchi I wanted I want to ask you about this this is an important subject I think what do you think is the cause for I mean is it the the the sexual puritanism of America where people would judge you on you being a nice person you having fun and just doing having these experiences which are readily out there for a lot of people that somehow or another it's Perhaps Perhaps what am I lecture exploitative or that people would have a problem with the idea of using prostitution but at the end of the
day not really hurting anybody is that one of the most important issues to concentrate on and what is the reason why people do concentrate on it and get mad at you and judge you and I think it h it has to be based on insecurity it has to be based on the ideaid me are you kidding me more men found out what you're doing of course they would want to do it too well a you had those sex and at dawn guys in here so there's a lot of like weird religious [ __ ] Christopher Ryan the guys that wrote the sex at yeah it's a a guy right right okay um and so I think a lot of guy by the way I think I owe okay so I went to the extreme version of that I just came back from Afghanistan right and you know you're not supposed to judge other cultures right and I get there and I'm staying with uh a guy who runs like all the networks in Afghanistan sad moini and he's letting us crash at his place and everyone's like oh man it's so backwards out there like the girls they wear the burkas and you only see their eyes in Afghanistan you don't even see the eyes it's a it's complete you don't see like mosquito netting you don't see flesh like ghost they wearing gloves the [ __ ] goes to the feet you don't see flesh at all the dudes what are they wearing flipflops sweatpants they're chilling and it's like don't [ __ ] touch my girl don't [ __ ] look at her and and you go back to this whole thing with insecurity that's what it is it's like oh if she cheats on you if she talks to another guy yeah we Stone her we beat the [ __ ] out of her it's like the reason why the Taliban has no problem getting female suicide bombers is cuz your life is miserable if you're a woman in [ __ ] Afghanistan you know you you your husband beats you and if you go to the police station to complain then the [ __ ] police beat you for complaining and it's it's just like we had uh two girls that are westerners so they didn't have to wear the full burka but they still had to like cover their hair and wear jeans and long sleeve shirts or whatever and they took us to uh they took us they took me to a calligraphy school to check out that like like uh Arabic like calligraphy style I love that [ __ ] and they go hey if you if we go to the roof right now we could see the whole city it's a beautiful view I
go cool let's check it out so they went up first and I was like drawing with some kid and then Critter was with me and he's like Dave get up here right now get up here and I'm like what we run up to the thing the two girls they were all standing on the ledge of the roof looking out at the whole city the junkyard tire shop below the guys working at the tire shop look up and see two white girls and they could see their face they start jerking off they pull their dicks off out and start jerking off and were they saying like in a trance and I'm like and you're like whoa crazy crazy it's like think about how much [ __ ] you already saw today without even trying turning on the TV a Victoria's Secret ad a billboard you see flesh you go to the supermarket you go to [ __ ] Whole Foods where the [ __ ] are like wearing short shorts and it's sex is everywhere think about being a horny horny Arab kid and then you see a [ __ ] chick just her face they couldn't control themselves wow and then they saw us and then they stopped but it was like they went into a trance like that's amazing it was amazing I was like I never got so much joy watching another guy jerk off those weird levels of like intense religious all goes back to sex yeah it all goes back to [ __ ] Well it Well whether it does or it doesn't it it it's all about control but when you see that control implemented on people there's always a rebound from it there's some crazy reaction to it some fanatical explosive reaction to it right yeah we we have a very real natural built-in response to someone trying to control us right and we either go with it full-heartedly and make it like it's our idea or we rebel against it and and we hate it and we go the exact opposite direction like Catholic school girls who become [ __ ] right no nothing wrong with being a [ __ ] [ __ ] a bad word no [ __ ] shaming on The Joe Rogan Experience I don't believe in [ __ ] I think there's people that do whatever the [ __ ] they want to do I'm just saying I I agree with you this Society is whatever every society has its problems for me personally I think if I were to ever get married I don't I don't want to get into like some SI swinger [ __ ] or whatever but I think I need to be with like some European or just hold down till they
have robots hold out until you can be monogamous what's that [ __ ] you just showed me the a silus rift Oculus Oculus Rift Don't Buy That don't buy that I'm not going to it's going to ruin your life until I know that I have to go to the mountains and [ __ ] put up a high fence to keep the [ __ ] crazy I have some of those robots like the shittier ones and they're they're in my in my closet I bought I buy every time someone's like this is the next best thing I buy it with that thought when I go to the mountains and all everyone's dead at least I'll have this but I but I don't open the plastic cuz I know it'll ruin my life that that's too freaky right now when you're dealing with things like you know rubber vagina is or fake boxes that you stick your dick into and they gate you know it's fake even though it's enjoyable it's pleasurable sexual experience you it's removed from the sexual experience of having sex with a real woman exactly that's not going to be the case 50 years from now 50 years from now they're going to have robotics down to the point where they can have a real Bonafide artificial woman who's warm and feels [ __ ] amazing it is the hottest chick you've ever seen on the planet Earth and you could have 10 of them in a warehouse charging by solar but that will help overpopulation don't you think well it'll help a lot of things but like overpopulation is most certainly a bad thing but one of the worst Parts about it is that there's a depletion of resources and this sort of diminishing of the value of a human being when there's too many people so what I I think about LA and I think about a lot of places and it's one of the worries that I have about China is the volume and I think my personal exper expences I've I've lived in small towns and I've lived in you know really big places I've I've seen there's there's a different way that human beings treat each other when they don't see each other as often there's less of them they have more camaraderie there's a number that becomes unmanageable I don't know what that number is but I think we've passed it I think in Los Angeles we certainly passed it but I think that's hurry up doctors with that rubber fake robot [ __ ] make that [ __ ] I don't think it's
doctors I or scientists or whatever yeah scientists and inventors and modelers and people making AR the same way you know people like adults get weird when they find out how obsessed kids are with video games they're like we had Pac-Man I'm like okay look I what's Grand Theft Auto on right now five yeah like when it was on two or three it you're like wow cuz you're like a guy running through a city and it feels it feels like virtual reality but like you said it's the guy still looks a little pixelated and the facial features you know they do like the stubble but it looks still like a computer I don't know if this about me but like when I would kill hookers in Grand Theft Auto the B the bodies don't disappear as long as you keep shooting them so I would just stand over the hookers and keep shooting their vaginas God but it's should admit to that what well my my little my little nephew walked in uh cuz I there was a time when I got out of prison I didn't have a place to live so I stayed with my cousin and I would play like like Mickey Mouse and the little kid video games and then when they went to sleep I'd play Grand Theft Auto and he snuck in my room one day and you know when some in the room and they you know like someone's in the room but you didn't hear them so I stopped for a second I turned around I'm like what are you doing he's like what are you doing Uncle Dave and I was like come in be quiet don't tell your mom how old is this kid was like six years old he's ready he was ready but ready to see hookers but I but they're like wait till next next one and the next one I'm like video games in the next 10 years it'll you'll be you it'll look exactly like you there'll be no glitches where it looks like a computer and so if you're in the game raping killing paging that's going to [ __ ] with your head even more like when I played Grand Theft the second third one I'd after a day of just killing non-stop I'd walk outside and just feel weird you know but at least I knew it was still a video game Brian there were some images that somebody posted in the uh Duncan trussle thread um on the Rogen board about uh some another new technology that was akin to the Nvidia technology that looks absolutely insane yeah I believe it's from Activision see if you can find that
if you could pull those images up cuz what they're doing the virtual is going to be like really intense I can't wait that robot [ __ ] yeah the robot the phys robot [ __ ] the physical carbon based you know artificially created robot like what's her face what was that girl's name in Blade Runner who was it oh uh Daryl Hannah yes look at that that looks crazy incredible I mean it's it's yeah dude I met Daryl Hannah in 1994 yes at uh caner Deli in LA and she was so incredibly normal like just a normal chick hanging out with her friends her friends were totally normal and it was it was a for me it was a very educational experience because I never thought that some woman who's first of all an attractive woman second of all a super famous Splash yeah super famous actor right and she could be with a couple of her friends I think it was two guys and another girl and I could be with a couple of our friends and they were sitting next to us and invited us to talk to them just engaged us right like they were T they were doing some game where you name the state and uh what's the capital or what's the state motto that's what it was what the state motto and they they were like engaging us come on help out like we we like they were like friendly super friendly like any normal person who you could sit next to if you were in a booth by you know yeah and that was cool it was really cool it was it was really cool because it was like oh these these like movie star people they're just [ __ ] people man they're just [ __ ] people that someone turns a camera on to but like that's not going to happen when we all [ __ ] robots there's no and the robots are going to know all the answers anyways her character blun Sacramento her character in Blade Runner was [ __ ] bad ass dude she was the the number one robot for that crazy little dude I love that movie oh that movie was good that movie is so [ __ ] amazing and that movie was badass because that sea young check she was hot too godamn she was hot dude not just hot but like hypnotic there was like something about her like yeah she had that look with her hair and everything eyes man it was like a there's a perceived innocence or something like that to her as this robot character that was just brilliant man my memory's going to [ __ ] dude BL Runners
when all time great movie when I was younger I got a weird job with sha young and I can't remember it now you had a job with her like some weird movie I can't remember it and you know what happened to her man she kind of went off the rail what happened to her she went off the rail she got it was too too much pressure be I think being a a famous movie star has got to be so being a famous guy like you or is a famous artist you're famous kind of for being crazy you can and you know the amount of like mainstream TMZ type pressure you get is very non-existent or minimal you just enjoy it you enjoy it you just you just like but that Tom Cruz [ __ ] like where she was at she was at that sha young was in like all the that's her name right Sha young yeah she was in like that movie with Kevin cner what was that movie she's in a gang of [ __ ] movies man she was a big time mov there's more pressure for women cuz it's like you have a window to just do all this [ __ ] and then you have a window to do all this [ __ ] in and there's a freak out of being this one person that all these people are focusing on that is so completely unnatural you are complet you're you're supercharging your system it's like putting a blower on a Mustang and revving the engine much higher than it's supposed to go it's like I stay the [ __ ] away from actresses bro like that's that that's a horrible I would never generalize like that cuz I've met like a lot of really cool actresses that I love being friends with but as far as like them yeah friends is fine you know I don't want to date anybody's anything like me I don't want to date anybody who's even remotely as crazy as I that's what I'm saying so when I date a chick that she's like you got to quit the podcast I'm like that's sort of like [ __ ] you [ __ ] but then also like that's sort of a good Instinct you know like you know like but you know there's people that it works out like Tom sigura and his wife Christina pitsky do you know you know Tom sigura hilarious standup comedian and his wife is [ __ ] brilliant like a really funny com and they're married and they're happy and it works I got to finish telling you about the Mexican comedian cuz you just brought okay um I love what you're drawing right
now by the way my best dra idea um so I told you I met the greatest comedian ever in Mexico that's not possible I'll tell you and you [ __ ] tell me if so I'm [ __ ] my Mexican girlfriend mhm and it's not like she's joking with me she's almost nervous to tell me this it's like we're [ __ ] and she's drunk and she's like I I have a little piece like she was super nervous nervous tell was never resolved yeah so I'm going to resolve it right now or I okay it was never resolved you're correct it was never resolved and and I'm analyzing this I'm like was she joking no because she was super nervous to even tell me we [ __ ] and I'm like is that for is that is that for real is that in like she falls asleep I fall asleep she's she's out she's drunk we [ __ ] she's out and I'm like this am I gay did I just [ __ ] a her Aphrodite I don't sleep at all the next morning she has to get up early to go to work I go hey uh you remember that thing you said last night uh she's like what she's like you know you said something last night and she's like I got to go she like runs out and I'm like whoa no closure no whatever oh [ __ ] and I had three or four days left in Mexico you know and I was like I need to find out if I'm gay now this should be on Vice why is this not why haven't you like written this for vice cuz I'm telling you right now you know so she so then uh every day so we [ __ ] like every night until I left and every night [ __ ] Sav she always says turn the lights off never leaves the lights on always leaves the socks on and does she have dude feet hair toes won't let and won't let me finger her because of the pain and so well I got the paint on my hand oh paint paint so I'm scrubbing and I go look they're clean tonight she's like no no no don't F just [ __ ] me and I'm like wow is it a thing that comes out like this alien there's so many questions I go I go hey that thing the extra piece was that a joke she's like and she her face turns red like don't bring it up and I'm like I'm with a [ __ ] hermaphrodite wow this is crazy and you didn't go down on her right you didn't ever go no I went down dude I went searching bro I wanted answers you know I try to go deep I try to get the
answers so damn son never got the answer no closure look dude you got to do what you got to do in certain situations you just got to back out and count your losses this is this is uh two months ago but you really liked her I really like her still talk to her can't stop thinking about her so she just doesn't want to talk about that she doesn't want and and I accept it now I love it now I love that she's a guy you know but she it doesn't sound like she is a guy she's a hermaphrodite did her [ __ ] taste like [ __ ] it's delicious well what does it what does it feel like it feels different like a guacamole no no when you're actually having sex no it feels when you make it love it felt great you know she has she has a wonderful vagina she's a great girl okay didn't you say something like on your podcast that uh she was disconnected with sex though she was a little she was a weird she was a weird chick you know okay but what are you what are you saying though that it feel this is what I'm saying so this is two months ago no closure and in the two months I've accepted that she's a guy or has male parts no problem wow uh and she she avoids the thing and she's text me last night she goes hey you know that little piece I told you about and I go yes yes finally closure she goes I was joking I go this is why she's the best comedian to [ __ ] drop a line like that on a dude and tell the punch line 2 months later while he's racking his brain I was like [ __ ] comedian that is you tell a joke that has a [ __ ] punch line two months later oh my God that is one possibility another possibility is she decided to tell you that it was a joke because you were pressing the issue and you wanted to talk about a lot and that was the best way for her you understand that though it very well could have been a hermaphrodite not that there's anything wrong with a hermaphrodite but it's not like you did some sort of a chromosomal test you just she told you something and you declared her the greatest comedian ever or maybe it was a hemorrhoid it could have been hemorrhoid did they get them up though listen cist you can get a cist listen guys there ones that pop out when her little dick went into my dick hole it was the most amazing feeling I ever felt in my
life we just hit a low Point she easily could be a herit I just didn't want to talk about it yeah I I that's a good way to say I was just joking how do you deal with people this is a good question for you that say they don't listen to you but they do say they don't listen to you yeah they go I don't listen to your podcast that's okay but they know but they do and they like I don't care you know no if you want to listen listen if you don't want to listen don't listen cuz I'm thinking if you want to tell me you don't listen you're either doing it once you're either trying to inform me like I don't know what you do like just being normal or you're being dismissive you know it's possible that you could say it like in a way that like David show I don't listen to your podcast okay you know where you're like whoa like I wouldn't waste my time listening to you Fu but here's the thing I talked about this on my show and I'm thinking did she hear it and so that's why she called me yeah but she doesn't she doesn't like follow me on Twitter or Facebook or any of this [ __ ] and she really you know what sounds like it was a very strange thing for you and almost indicative of like life itself life itself is never perfect whether it was a joke or not whether she really forgot to tell me the punchline or like whatever whatever the case I accepted it well accepting it is there's definitely nothing wrong with that but that's not the funniest comedian on the face come on Joe do someone though some you're having sex what if it's most likely an excuse what if your but it's not most likely a joke what if your wife just out of tonight just all [ __ ] totally serious said I used to be a guy and you're like what are you talking about and then she didn't tell you the truth a month later that's pretty funny well that's a that's a long like I guess it could be I guess it could be funny you know if you were the right guy and she was the right girl and she said it the right way I guess it could be funny started crying go I never ever told any d God damn it it also could be that she's lying to you because she doesn't like to talk about it and she really is something like a hermaphrodite it's possible too dude I mean unless you're going to go inovia if you're listening out there baby don't say her name no
just said sweetheart in Spanish oh there you go beautiful minovia um if you're listening I hope you're not lying listen it doesn't matter man I hope it wasn't a joke listen you're not looking to have a family are you I can't wait to I start you looking to have a family right now I I I'm starting to think about uh having kids without the wife part well or or freezing my sperm and doing the whole surrat or whatever I don't know just freeze the baby I want I I think I'm starting to think about having a family MH but you know like I said gay or not gay I hang out with a lot of dudes and so like Critter who I hang out with all the time he's like [ __ ] you get a girlfriend I'm G to have to have a girlfriend and it's like what cuz then what kind of we hang out logic is that because we hang out all the time so I said why don't we just share you could get Monday Wednesday I'll get Tuesday Thursday a he automatically offered up the first three days I'm like you could get M you could get the P hole I'll take the be hole and uh come on Jo so many women right now that are so angry no we'll find this podcast is I don't think I would have a problem by the way if the girl had a [ __ ] boner I don't think I don't think it would if she if she acted like a girl she was beautiful you're such a [ __ ] BR you couldn't even get hard for the grandma you come on I'm not a [ __ ] D like if I I mean if went to the bathroom and cleaned up for you the bottom line is you were enjoying the experience until your perception of who she was in the whole male female Paradigm shifted she became this odity to you like a damag Goods this is all this is no this is right was that it right well this is the thing I need a second and this is for like I didn't like avocados growing up I love I love them now too it took me a second it took my mom's like eat this I go oh it's green it's probably tastes like a watermelon it tasted like [ __ ] I love guacamole now uh I had oi sea urchin for the first time I was like this is disgusting it's my favorite food now it took me a second I get to China the girls have thin mustaches I go what the [ __ ] is that because they don't care about waxing and bleaching I go that's gross because it's not normal to me mhm
I'm in China for three months sort of into it like it now um I'm started to have sex with Arab women they have hairy asses who grossed out H want to puke sort of into it now just give me a second give me a second you got a little dick inside your [ __ ] gross give me one month to adjust I'm from America I was born in Los Angeles I live in Western Society I'm not used to dicks I'm not used to hairy asses I'm not used to mustaches but just I'm open-minded give me a second to just open wider and accept your mustache your hairy ass your dick in your [ __ ] just give me a second I'll eat the avocado I'll eat the sea urchin I you know like you weren't like avocado avocado tastes like [ __ ] I'm never going to eat it again it grew on you it took a second you know I hated it I spit it out well I just realized it was just a texture issue that the actual taste of it was fairly Bland and in fact it has a lot of health benefits but you're kid and you wanty you want you want watermelon you want fruit that tastes good you know well the problem is you find out about candy real problem you find out something that gives you this drug Rush right I mean kids that get high on sugar like have you ever seen kids eat cake they they they turn into [ __ ] demons they go riding around mean they're on Crank that guy out there eats more candy than anybody like it's crazy well he's not a kid but but he is sort of but you know what I'm saying it's like it it's a clearly a drug so of course they don't want to eat guacamole guacamole doesn't give them that drug they want that drug that comes from those that you know those [ __ ] they do that those powders those [ __ ] things that kids eat where it's literally a tube of sugar pix stick crack open the end and you fun it's drugs nerds nerds R crazy sugar drug I still get fun di so bad for you too they say that sugar is just for kids almost toxic sugar is just almost toxic for you I I know but like like I'm saying like all these things you know I don't what are you doing like have you ever been with a chick with a really like a middle Easter girl with a hairy butt yes and what did you do you're like yeah well I was back in the ' 80s people had hairy butts it was a normal thing what's worse is when
they have catfish whiskers and in certain lights you can see it and you're like H it's like but see what we're doing now is that that episode of Seinfield when he finds the one thing wrong with like the chick has the big hands or whatever and it's like you know I had sex with this girl I go to the bathroom we had sex in the dark and the I turn the lights on to take a piss and I look at the bed and her she has a hairy ass I'm like that I'm going to puke in the toilet while I'm pissing right now and I go just slow down just accept that it's someone from another culture you know like women I sleep with a lot of women where I'm their first Asian and they do the oh you have no hair on your body I go yeah I'm Asian like we are not hairy people you know like it's like being with a girl I'm like cool how rude how rude yeah it's interesting how porn has complet completely triumphed in the area of uh pubic dressing but it's back it's coming back hard it is a little bit but it's contrarianism for the most part people prefer a groomed area it's because HD you know it's maybe they was before that there was some trimming done before that they want to H the bumps well it was because when pornography became like really prevalent that's what it is pornography became really prevalent and then along the way like people started like looking at the aesthetic of you know male balls covered in hair creeps all the way up to your [ __ ] and girls with giant crazy bushes that go to the inside of their thighs and they just decided to make alterations on porn and then people whether they admit it or not right are massively affected by pornography oh of course and then the shift happened where I mean there's a good percentage of the population of this country at least that trims their hair basically based on the aesthetic that porn established defitely definitely right yeah it's weird because it's an untalked about thing it's an undiscussed thing it's a denied thing it's like it's a darkness that we just like meanwhile they're getting billions of hits every day or you just let it grow oh I trim my shed well I have to trim it too because it also gets caught in the hair and my balls gets caught in my cup like and if you're doing
Jiu-Jitsu you know your shit's getting long when your bald hair gets stuck in your [ __ ] hair oh that's never happened so it makes like a dreadlock a taint dreadlock yeah that's not good you need better hygiene than that you need better standards you need to not let it get that to that point because I've been because I've been naked around lots of different men in different countries because of prison or whatever it's like yes when I when I'm when I was homeless here in America and I was showering at 24-Hour Fitness then I'm like in a giant shower with a bunch of men and like yeah for the most part you look down for a second and you're like wow people shave their [ __ ] it's like okay cool then I'm in prison in Japan and I you know it's a bath culture it's not a shower culture and I look down and I'm like oh wow these guys don't shave their [ __ ] at all well first of all porn in Japan it's pixelated so you never really see anything anyways what is the they pix like genitalia or pubes the whole area just inser but they don't they don't shave their [ __ ] down there so their pubes are the same pubes That Grew From when they were a kid so they have beards their pubes are longer than their dicks my goodness so I'm I get out of the bathtub I'm you know I keep my [ __ ] tight you know and I get get out with my dick and balls hanging out and then these guys come out and you just see a black beard with like a red dot with the tip of their dick and you're like oh it looks like a cute like homeless guy you know like but yeah those things are all informed by pornography they don't watch in Japan they don't watch American pornography so of course they don't shave their [ __ ] that's fascinating it's coming back well it's fascinating though that it sort of gets EST I would imagine that bush is coming back I'm out on the front line I'm telling you it's coming back nothing wrong with it but like look even bell bottoms came back no but it's back right oh yeah definitely I mean the almost like I'd say five years ago every girl I was with had no hair or like a tiny thin strip of whatever uh now almost all girls have some kind of they probably heard that crabs were going extinct and they got sad they wanted to save the
crab grow your bush save the crab it's cyclical you know well how come everybody doesn't want the crabs to live they want to save like wood owls I love Seafood I love crustacean no the ones that grow in your bush yeah I eat those crabs like Daryl Hannah eats the lobster and splash little little tartar sauce a little uh you know cocktail sauce go to Red Lobster right after this what's it like hanging out with de word because I know you guys are friends man and that's I I I love them they must be very interesting to do you ever paint with them yeah I I've okay I first of all I love those guys and do you know who de word is oh [ __ ] yeah dude I love them but I don't love one of their new songs they got some new song you know they're just going for it doing everything just there was that [ __ ] you in the ass song put a dick dick in your ass song I was like okay what are you doing man what the hell is this it's great I like some of his really earlier [ __ ] too they did some really interesting early stuff but do you hang out with a lot of artists in general comedians okay so comedians are artists so comedians mean I have a few friends that are artist artists artists artists chefs most people that are highly highly creative are sort of [ __ ] crazy they're crazy crazy as as [ __ ] and then and then you try to like do normal [ __ ] with them and then you're like why are they doing this oh yeah cuz they're [ __ ] crazy well that's what makes them tick you know like every comedian that I know is out of their [ __ ] mind every single one and I love ninja and I love Yolandi Ninja's one of probably the most creative people like he'll do a song and like he goes and then the park goes like this and he'll sing every part of the song and he goes and then the music video is going to go like this and he'll act out everyone's part in the music music video and what the lighting's going to look like and down to the costumes and there's going to be a lion and this and did you do you ask for this or does this just like happen in the middle of a conversation he goes he goes can I tell you like a quick story how's it do it do it in his accent you were about to you bailed out of it can tell you a quick story about a South Africa the best is he can do a perfect
American accent and not like a gangster he was like you ever heard Jim Jeff hey Dave how's it going um Jim Jim Jeff is the Australian comedian has the the most e American accent really like he does an American guy and you're like yikes it's too good it's like too good they can do us apparently way easier than we could do them because we're speaking normal not sure if that's the case I a good I might what is normal can you decide somewhere along the line that your way of talking is better than mine yes and the way that you do that is the language of English is spoken in Australia England England America and people make fun of the Croc they do the Crocodile Dundee yeah but England and then you take someone you take a Japanese exchange student who doesn't speak English and you go learn English what are they going to do they're going to listen to American movies they can understand Americans they can't understand British people they can't understand Australians they're like I don't what we speak normal like normal people that's ridiculous everybody in England who grows up in England knows how to understand people from England everybody in America everyone in everyone in England can understand us we can't understand them a a thick thick British accent give me a [ __ ] break I'm like that is interesting it goes hey what did you just say he's like oh [ __ ] like but if you were living there you would understand him pretty clearly if you were in his neighborhood we're speaking proper English Joe we're speaking I can like SL I'm not I'm not like this I'm not like trying really hard like so what we did is basically the Brazilian jiu-jitsu of English we took the original Japanese English and we made it more badass with some extra guard submissions and [ __ ] how come how come when they have like some British movies sometimes they got to put [ __ ] subtitles on that [ __ ] because you don't know what the [ __ ] you not me man I get offended if they have movies like snatch and they put subtitles I get offended like I want to be trying to figure out you have to concentrate yeah well I do when I interview Fighters when I I've I've had uh like Paul Kelly he's a gentleman I've had an interview in the UFC Michael
bisbing guy from Manchester right these guys have incredible accents my bisbing has gotten like much better at speaking in like a more clear he slows it down a little bit but English people and uh Irish people they talk faster they have a faster way of combining the words together right I had a [ __ ] guy come up to me and I had a conversation with a dude in Belfast Northern Ireland we're getting drunk at a bar there was a UFC there and just me and uh Eddie Bravo went down to this bar and we said let's just tie one on with these Belfast people and I think um um Dave Bishop was probably there too who's the local comedian that we did a gig with this [ __ ] dude was talking to me I didn't have a clue as to what he was saying we were hammered and he was telling me how we fight he I the basic tenant or the basic uh U script was I'll fight any man he was just telling me no letting me know he'll [ __ ] fight anybody you know was I'll fight any man sh you bring me I don't care I'll fight any man I'll fight any man this I barely could understand him it was like this crazy game I was playing like staring into his eyes struggling to comend his and this is like the [ __ ] everyone always wonders about right you got um you got the dude that's the Jax from Sons of Anarchy you got all these actors that have that accent right I'll fight any man but then they're in movies and TV shows speak or when they do songs accent just magically disappears and then they're back doing the interview and it comes back so they could turn it off they could turn that [ __ ] off now when they're drunk in a bar and not some dude who actually lives in Belfast some local boxer is's ready to throw down and fight Eddie man would he fight me oh [ __ ] yeah they want to fight those people when we were in Belfast you're driving around they have these cars these cop cars that have bulletproof windows and these giant metal plates and bombproof like shielding all over the car like their cars are design the cop cars are designed to absorb bombs pull up pull up some pictures of them Belfast Northern Ireland uh cop cars bomb protection they like to [ __ ] party it's a different kind of a world I mean they went through some crazy [ __ ] [ __ ] they went through a crazy War like fairly recently right between you know
essentially people that are right next door to him right Joe I got to ask you a question okay David I like being scared like I like thinking about how I'm going to fight myself if guys are trying to rape me I like doing a podcast something I've never done challenging myself I like trying stand up something I never done before so I like being scared and challenging myself me too never been in a professional fight I've used to fight all the time when I was a kid I'm 37 now I haven't been in a real fight in over eight years now mhm if I wanted to have one like shitty Pro undercard fight how much training would I have to do you would have to do a lot a lot like for a year years years if you want to be safe if you want to be safe well you here's the thing you're not um in shape right now you don't totally not in shape okay do you do any kind of uh sport nothing it allows you to move aggressiv you're in a lot of trouble how old are you 37 you're going to get hurt don't do it I'm definitely going to get hurt no no no no no no listen there's a there's a Romanticism that people have about getting hurt help you Jo I have no problem getting hurt it's going to change your thought process do you understand this no like it's going to change who you are as a human being like you don't understand head trauma if you've had I've I've been hid in my head entire life I bet you've been head trauma you've been really lucky I've been in and [ __ ] man I bet you have I believe you but it all works still there could be at any point in time that could be the Tipping Point and head trauma is just no joke and any unnecessary head trauma that you want to introduce into your life I always think is a terrible idea and what I know is if there's a guy who's 37 years old and never had any martial arts I don't do anymore well I don't even Spar I don't even kickbox Spar I do Jiu-Jitsu Spar but I won't kickbox bar because it's not worth it you listen to me man you only can get hit a certain amount of times in your head right and if you think it's like cute to go out there and have an MMA fight just because you want to experience it it's it's [ __ ] dangerous for I know I know I'm most likely not going to win and I know I'm most likely going to get the [ __ ] kicked out of me but you don't want that man
I'm telling you I I understand that you want my best friend asking me that he's could easily rape me I would like to be able to you're not going to beat that guy you're not I met that guy that guy's too big he's too big of a GU a guy like that you're going to have to become some sort of a black belt in Jiu-Jitsu you're going to have to be able to wrestle him to the ground so I I appreciate the concern for the head trauma because I've had been extremely damaged in my head before I've had been knocked out all that [ __ ] yeah it's not [ __ ] awesome I've been knocked out where I wake up and I don't know who I am like that kind of [ __ ] so I'm not under any like misconception of it's like going to be like a cakewalk or anything but I'm just saying too many variables will you train me no way no way I don't want to be a part of it there's too many variables you want to fight me Brian the here's here's a bunch of the variables okay you're in shape first of all you don't you got to have to pick a guy right and you're going to have to pick a guy that's commensurate I love saying that word it makes me feel sucky what does that mean means like similar like same level I want to fight a guy bigger than me okay what are you doing man what are you trying to get hurt for you trying to be a hero no I don't I just want to I don't know look I know a dude who lost his sense of smell he took a beating and lost his sense of smell and it was just a one two head kick combination okay I'm fat I'm the most out of shape and fattest I've ever been but I have the X Factor I'm I'm ferocious okay I won't good luck with that [ __ ] I won't stop you that's not going to help you at all not even a little bit people think that being tough is going to help you I'm tough I'm ferocious that's just going to get you hurt more that's just going to means you're going to take more punishment so then I'll tap out then if I'm getting [ __ ] the [ __ ] kicked out of me okay well then what happens you you you got damaged to your brain have you just tried bondage look if you fight a guy here's my here's my my recommendation in this area if you really think about doing it if you want to do it you want the same kind of thrill you can get a very similar thrill from Duna Jiu-Jitsu match or just getting your butthole lick by old ladies
no cuz that you know when you tap out it's your responsibility when the butthole thing is going on so you're telling me to stick to just getting massages by men well I just think that it's not to be [ __ ] with head trauma is not to be [ __ ] with right people die man there was a kid in Ireland that died uh really recently in a rugby match right and he had had uh he got knocked out a guess and then he got knocked out again and died well here's the thing I know for sure I have a glass jaw like if you hit me in my jaw I knock out but my entire life I I'm Korean I have a thick head we have big heads right that's how you can tell Asians apart like Koreans usually have bigger heads um big moon pie faces no if you see like a Chinese Japanese and a Korean we usually our heads are a little bit bigger right I've been kicked punched like like I've had a lot of head trauma and it all for the most part still works my memory is going to [ __ ] a little bit but asides from that I can [ __ ] can for the most part function okay and I could see well listen if you're willing to take this chance and possibly alter the way your mind works if you're going to be intelligent about it because you're an intelligent guy what you would want to do is dedicate yourself to martial arts first before you ever actually do it and it was it's going to take a long time you're going to have to learn how first of all to defend yourself and B you're going to have to learn to be proficient in something whether it's striking I have my background is Judo I grew I grew up doing Judo and I how good are you I was I won a lot of awards doing what was your belt what what belt did you get to uh green or something I didn't I didn't get a black belt but I won I won every single Judo match I was in well that listen you're not an amateur I'm talking about not a novice Joe I'm talking uh 15 years old was the last time my life yeah but there's an understanding there like you know I wrestled in high school and I there was no punching in Judo but I never lost I wrestled in high school and I didn't do any grappling again until I went to Jiu-Jitsu which is like almost 10 years later right and uh I remember remembered it like instantly it like came right back to me because your your body develops as a Young Man understanding how to pin someone
understanding how to Grapple and get Gable grips and how to use your hips to sprawl you just just comes back to you and I think that like having that background especially at that age 15 that's big learning something and getting really good at it where you're competitive at it when you're 15 that's like such a developmental period it becomes like sort of a part of who you are as a person but the thing with me is I my bones break easy oh Jesus so I've and I just what the [ __ ] are you doing man I just quit after whatever you know like I broke my collar bone in Judo I quit I play baseball I broke my other collar bone I quit I play football I broke my ankle I quit it's like anytime I break a bone I'm like okay that was that you know well it's not hard to break your ankle or your collar bone doing any of those things whether it's Judo or football or baseball that sounds in line I mean it might not even be that your your bones break easy it might be that you're just a little bit too ferocious I'll hug the [ __ ] out of you no no but you know what I'm saying you're like going for it no I like when that's how people injur themselves often my my parents were like you have to or my dad was like you have to learn some kind of martial art you're Asian you have to and I was like we you know we we were not into sports Bruce Lee at the bar we had long hair we [ __ ] didn't we listened to heavy metal we didn't care about anything my you know it's like when a guy has three sons and he's like yes they're gonna watch sports with me whatever we didn't [ __ ] give a [ __ ] about we were nihilist we like we don't care about [ __ ] and why is that I don't know what happened we just we like we would we would go to school like my dad would take a a sack full of balls and just pour it out in front of us on the weekends and go what do you guys want to play softball baseball uh kickball handball football bask he'd have every ball and be like what do you guys want to do and we're like nothing we don't want to do any I don't know we just we were just very like we don't care about anything we don't when you look back on like what turned you into who you are today this sort of wild dude do you have any one thing that like stands out as being the the I don't give a [ __ ]
anymore there one there's not one um like incident but it's a combination of racism uh humiliation and like just never getting laid you know so just lack of good experiences and a lot of bad experiences just unbelievable amount of anger you know like going to a school where everyone makes fun of you for being Asian going to some place where every girl rejects you and then within your own family having this insane sex drive where just everyone just catches me jerking off all the time like just the oh I'm sleeping well don't you think though that when you're really young I mean a humiliation like oh my God my mom just saw the tip of my dick hard but don't you think that when you're like really young and really stressed out and really [ __ ] up that that's almost like a natural way to blow off the steam like dudes who are troubled almost always jerk off a lot yeah you know I I don't know what do I what do I do in surveys no say I'm there's no census attached to anything that I've said here I'm just talking [ __ ] no I know but you're right like I would go home and I just be full of aggression and I'm like and I just wasn't good at sports so I'm like I don't even want to try this [ __ ] but then when they told me in football you could hit people cool and then like yeah I don't even know how so you're angry you wanted to hit people very angry and the thing with Judo is i that's another thing that my parents made me do I didn't want to do it but it's like I also didn't like people throwing me around so when we got into it I was just like I I don't care if this guy's a higher belt than me whatever like I'm not g to let him pin me down you know like as soon as he starts winning I'm gonna go like I just went there I'm going to go [ __ ] crazy and well what you should do I became the pride of my Dojo they sent me to all the tournaments and I was like I was like The Reluctant like I don't want to be here but okay fine I'm here I'm going to win you the pride of your dojo yeah I won every like trophy thing for and then I broke my collar bone I was like okay that's the end of my is your collar bone okay now my shoulders are a little smaller cuz I broke this one and this one wow so you know the collar bones break and then they heal like this right really yeah they they they just heal next to each
other colar bones snap and then there's no brace you can put on so you just hold your thing up and then the bones just heal like this over each other yeah and so how much stronger or weaker is it than it used to be I think they get stronger but my shoulders are a little bit narrower wow that's weird man that could be worse though there's a lot worse [ __ ] that you can break right I I'm not scared of pain like I've been burned I've you sound like a guy who's doing his like interview thing for like King of the cage you're about to no no like pain scared of pain pain is not like oh with pain my whole life like I'm not going to do something cuz I could get hurt you know like that doesn't bother me you know and and I'm not scared to be humiliated either not that what I worry about what I worry about for people that don't have like an extensive background in martial arts is head trauma right there's you're not going to know how to get away you're not going to know how to not get hit is hard you're not going to know how to protect yourself well Judo all we do is for the first few months learn how to fall down so I do a that's good like jumping over someone and then tucking into a rle and all that [ __ ] like you know I know how'll fall down I'm worried about you getting hit that's all right right I mean it's part of MMA I appreciate your concern and this this is something I'm probably not going to do but just wanted to throw it out to see if what your thoughts on it I've seen people uh take some serious punishment and change them as a human being change the reality their life impair their function it's real no I I know that I've seen it happen not just from MMA but I have a friend who got hit in the head with a golf ball and he wasn't the same for almost a year so he said for like six months he was [ __ ] [ __ ] just every day massive headaches and depression and that can happen who hit the golf ball some dude just he got hit with a line drive right in the side of the [ __ ] while he's playing golf we just sit at his house he was on the golf course and just a an errant ball hit him in the temple and he got [ __ ] up man he went down hard just like totally knocked unconscious [ __ ] up for a long time so what I'm what my my point is like that can happen from a kick too man that can
happen from a knee you could be diving for a takedown and some guy comes up with some flying knee and separates your [ __ ] vertebrae right it's nasty [ __ ] man you can get really really hurt if you really want to do it though what I was going to say is what you should do is make it a vice thing have them follow you with cameras start like a real thing and have them check in on you every couple months but do it in a way where you're not going to hurt yourself go to a gym where the fun in that you can minimize the amount of damage you take with intelligence right by actually learning some skills and so if you really want to do will you have me back on the show if I'm in a wheelchair of course if I'm stuck I'll have you back on the show if you you talk to me through a thing in your neck Joe I should have listened to you you was so right when it came to not doing MMA yeah I I'm not saying that anybody should not do MMA I think that if you're going to take risk risks it's ridiculous to take risks that have in within them the possibility of massive trauma and and not do it correctly like you could get knocked out obviously look Anderson Silva who's the greatest mixed martial arts fighter of all time he's the master he got knocked unconscious anybody can the stuff you're telling to me is complete common sense it's but there's no but it's it's just it's you're making sense right and and the thing is it's you're telling me this [ __ ] and it's not like oh man Joe's talking crazy it's like you're being a good guy giving me the wisdom of you know all the stuff you've seen and learn okay yeah there is a butt but uh it's weird like I just got um did you see the Vice HBO series yes it's just like suicide bombers you know Pirates like all dangerous [ __ ] right right right they asked me to be for season 2 one of the hosts and I just got the assignment list of things you know of places to go and it's every single place I could die you know and it's like there's nothing about that and I don't know what this says about me but there's nothing about that where I'm like oh I'm scared of my life or you know I'll go anywhere I don't give a [ __ ] you know so well then you're the perfect guy for the job cuz me I'm at home going boy I wouldn't want to be [ __ ] David ch
right now well that's why when when the things you the things you tell me about hurting myself those things things don't that's not a deterrent for me but I guess dying is dying you're just dead but being in a wheelchair is your you're traumatized I would never want someone like me doing something to me that I could do to me I would never want someone planting a [ __ ] Shin on my head the way I know I can do to somebody I would never want someone kicking me in the body punching me in the face the way I know I can do to somebody I would never want someone who knows how to strangle me strangle me the way I could do to me if I didn't know what the [ __ ] I was doing so what I'm saying is if you are going to engage in mixed martial arts you got to get proficient at a martial art in order to be able to intelligently defend yourself CU if you can intelligently defend yourself someone who's good is going to really [ __ ] hurt you and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it it's not going to be a fight man you think it's going to be a fight but unless you find someone who's a novice it's not going to be a fight it's going to be a Slaughter no unfortunately I'm better at defending myself than being offensive like it's that's all nice and good but if you get a guy who actually knows how to fight you're [ __ ] if you're not careful and you go in there against some Vision one all am who [ __ ] puts you on your back in 3 seconds and starts smashing your face with elbows from an impossibly strong body that's been throwing other bodies around its entire life and you just thought you're being cute because you're an artist who likes to [ __ ] chicks and you never work out and you're like oh I'm just going to go in there and take an adventure I'm like [ __ ] I'm modern day keep going Joe I'm getting hard right now you got to be careful man is he sweaty I don't want you to he's sweaty as [ __ ] dude if you lick him you'll get pregnant you grow ovaries if he drips his sweat in your mouth yes it's a dangerous thing you're you're involved with someone who you know you have to be careful and make sure that what you should do is take another if you really want to do this take another person who's like you and say hey let's fight in a year right and let's do it
amicably let's get together and let's uh let's let's both experience this and it'll probably make us uh like each other more Super what you just described it was almost like a gay sex scene like a little bit I'll do this to you you I've seen it too many times man I've seen uh people who think they're tough guys go in there and get really I don't think I'm a tough guy I don't think I'm a tough guy I don't think I'm going to go in there and like you kind of described yourself as being pretty ferocious and durable and really good at Judo and the pride of the dojo so although you might not think you're a tough guy you think you're proficient no no well I I think I'm able to like protect myself like from like getting those things that's all nice and cute you find someone who actually knows how to fight right right you know you don't know how to protect yourself just do it you shut the [ __ ] up dude seriously I'm trying to help the guy it it's just I just I've seen it too many times and I'm acutely aware of the possibilities and what I can do is nothing I'm more scared to go and it's something I've already done now so I know what it feels like I'm more scared to go in front of audience and do standup than I think I would be to go and fight someone some ferocious fighter that's cuz you haven't done both if you did both you'd be way more scared of fight I've been in fights before Joe I've had the living [ __ ] kicked out of me by like gangs and like a bunch of people like I know what pain feels like it's not like like I know what it feels like to get knocked out and then wake up a day later and not know who I am like I've you know I'm sure you do know that but you also know that it's bad of course you know of course I know that you know that's all I'm saying man I just I don't like when people get romantic about it because it's a part of it's not a ro it's almost like something like the comedy thing you know I I've done it three times now and it turned out good but I didn't go in there with that I was like oh I'm going to bomb and people are going to boo me and this and that and I'm prepared for that you know right but it didn't turn out that way but you know good yeah I'm not going in there going I'm going to be [ __ ] Eddie Murphy like you know I have I've never discouraged someone who
wants to actually be a mixed martial artist I've never discouraged anyone who wants to actually not Lear Mixed Martial Tew I've never tried to discourage anybody who wants to do something dangerous but I I just always say if you're going to do it remove as many variables as possible there's always variables in a a live fight you don't know you could get hit by the first punch and your just lights go out right or you know weird injuries H weird things can happen but you got to be as prepared as possible in order to be smart about it that's what I would say and most Fighters retire around what age anyways it's completely different I mean here's an interesting thing Bernard Hopkins it's interesting because it never existed before Bernard Hopkins is the oldest Champion ever and he's the light heavyweight champion today he's 48 and he's amazing he's still outboxing the [ __ ] out of people and doing it like just it's a thing of beauty I mean he's a [ __ ] Artisan in there he has a craft it's just like playing a guitar or or being a painter he's got a craft he's an artist at it he knows how to minimize the amount of damage he takes he very rarely gets hit and he knows how to box the [ __ ] ears off these young whipper snappers but he's 48 that's awesome but he takes care of himself right he's eating right he's working out on a regular basis he never allows himself to get out of shape he's been fighting forever and he's got these skills developed over a longi of time he treats it serious yeah I mean if I did this [ __ ] I would treat it to toally serious I wouldn't go in there fat I would train like my ass off for how long if you like how long would you want if you could do a year you could get a lot done yeah but you would have to make sure that you were matched up ethically that someone is really a nice person like matches you up with another guy who's you know at least you have a chance I know you say you want to go against a bigger guy just someone your size all right fine all right fine Yoshi Yoshi why would you say that they're friends [ __ ] yeah I don't know I wouldn't want to fight Yosi Yoshi's got that to the death look in his eyes Yoshi might take things into the basement might he might invoke the dark lord you might see some [ __ ] Hellfire in his eyes oh man I just I get
sensitive about the one issue I don't like to preach but there's one issue that I get sensitive about and is that's the frivol isation if that's a word I'm not Friz I'm not frivoling that I like Joe I'm telling you like I'm prepared to get hurt I know that [ __ ] I know I might break something or I might get knocked out unconscious like I know that I'm not like saying it's going to be fine whatever you know I'm not frivoling at all I I understand you're just willing to take that well you're you know you're you're in this world I thought you'd be a good guy to talk to about this well if you are really going to dedicate yourself to it and you want to do it as an experience I think a year is a good amount of time it's just something that I in the same way I started thinking about maybe adopting a kid I just thought also maybe I should fight for I would say go over the fight first you know that seems like less of a commitment right you know if you get [ __ ] up hopefully a body shot somebody hooks you to the liver you just tap out immediately I'm just going to stick with the hermaphrodites you know what if you get a hermite pregnant I mean it's very likely she could still get pregnant then the baby could suck the dick on the way out we we should oh how dare you how dare you let's uh let's look that up can a hermaphrodite get pregnant [Music] Herrod well I mean if I was a her I think most hermaphrodites the dick is above their vagina right and I think I think it's inside it's inside and I think it's just like half the size and it really doesn't like even if it gets hard it's not like a dick it just little I think it's not functional either like it doesn't you know see I wouldn't mind that if the girl's cool and [ __ ] you can you know it' be cute you can rub her a little [ __ ] boner and be fun um there is there's a porn store that has huge clitorus can't remember her name but like the dudes in the pornos always suck her [ __ ] like it's a little penis okay here's the question here's the question's answered uh survey suggest that functioning ovaries are fairly common in the intersex pregnancy and birth don't happen often but they happen functioning testes are rarer but again
not completely unknown functioning ovaries and functioning testies however plus functioning everything else um I suppose I could propose one farfetched scenario where it could possibly happen but as a practical matter it's not get out it says so it said what they're basically saying is that there's variables the same reason why there's a hermaphrodite in the first place is because there this weird variation they there's a bunch of different levels of that variation it only makes sense I mean if you think about people are not the same we're all different we all look different we're all shaped different we're all different sizes it just makes sense that we would have variations as far as our genitalia go does she have a period or does she just fart great question that's another one you should have not said see just run those through the internet first before she before she told me the punch line Jes I really enjoyed this last month thinking I was gay I really did I was like not a punchline dude that's a [ __ ] excuse It's not a punchline do you understand you're you're trying to rationalize that that's a punchline This Woman's got a dick up there it's okay though well it's just a joke she's the greatest comedian ever LOL RF L Mao it's ladies if you're listening it's a fantastic joke to pull on your dude just tell them that you used to be a guy or that there's an extra piece yeah what if the dud jumps right off a [ __ ] cliff and you're like I was joking that's why it's a Next Level joke it's a Next Level joke next level dude you're thinking incorrectly and uh yeah I mean uh my my mom is also like she came to Mexico for the show and she's just letting me know you know my mom had three children me both my brothers I'm in the middle we're all in our late 30s now no one's married and do you think that's a like a rebound from the strict Korean way of being raised me and all my brothers are weird we're like weird people always happen yeah like all of our cousins they're all happily married have kids they have normal lives like I tell them my stories and they're like Dave's weird Uncle Dave's he's you know right but aren't they weird too is aren't people that are suppressed I
think every I think I think talking like I think I'm normal and I know that that sounds oh Dave's crazy he does crazy [ __ ] and he thinks I'm like I think I'm the most normal person cuz I just do I live like how I think you're supposed to live and then I meet these people that just do what Society wants them to do and it's crazy to me and they withhold they live like [ __ ] [ __ ] well human beings are pattern followers we're naturally pattern followers and we naturally follow successful patterns of behavior because those have been proven to be effective so all of our concerns and issues and insecurities sort of get ironed out in advance by other people that are successful right so when we when we follow the society pattern that's set up right now the society pattern is you know get married get divorced lose all your money get married Stay Together have a family get married you know uh get married be super happy there's a few different possibilities that can happen to you there's a bunch of different ones right but you have to follow like the natural paradigms if you don't there's something wrong with you and people who are following them they don't want to be around you like especially like wives I'm sure you have friends that have wives that do not want David Cho being around because David Cho is talking about getting his butthole sucked out of his his body by some crazy look I got advice for people but it's not for married people it's not for everybody my advice is for people who don't want to be like if if you you're not giving advice you're giving out experiences that you feel are very positive experiences people like to go and people can learn from them yeah and people go oh Dave's lucky he it's like he won the lotto with the Facebook [ __ ] and this that I'm like I've been successful at everything I've ever done I've made tons of money doing art gambling it's like oh so that that was all luck for people who don't know what the Facebook thing is just in a nutshell just spell it out real quick that was something that I learned from gambling that I brought over I had just gotten out of prison and a guy named Mark uh Sean Parker who started Napster had you know he was 23 or 24 at the time maybe he was 26 but he was in his young 20s
and he' already started a couple multi-million dollar companies none that really made any money plao didn't make any money Napster got sued for I think a trillion dollars so this was his next project and this whole time he was a fan of my art he's like Dave I got to get a painting from you like you're a sick [ __ ] like me I need to get a painting from you but I'm being sued right now I can't afford it this and that and so when Facebook came up he's like look there's this new social media site that connects college kids and I was like that sounds gay he goes uh and we have some Financial backing so now I could finally pay you to do a a painting and I said or if you want if if and he's and you know he's an innovator he's like I'm gonna [ __ ] this [ __ ] is gonna take over the world this I'm Gonna Change the World this is if if you don't want then I could give you stocks in the company and I needed money CU I needed to pay my lawyers I need to pay all my ex-girlfriend my friends I need to pay everyone back and I said I don't know about social media I was never on MySpace I was never on any of these things I said you know what I believe in this kid so I took the stock stock ended up being worth hundreds of millions of dollars so overnight that made me I guess the highest living paid artist in the world which is pretty cool but but before that I was pretty successful at everything else I did and uh why do you think that is well I just came back from this conference in in Norway of the all the top chefs in the world so I'm like this is cool I like this I'm in a new environment it was sort of like you go with Bourdain Bourdain didn't go that's why I went David Chang who has Momo fuku in New York goes bourane please come this year is talking about guts about being brave and you come and Bourdain's like are you kidding me I'm not going to [ __ ] embarrass myself in front of the top chefs I've been out of this game like he's like Dave you should go and so I'm like what am I going to do and I just started thinking I want to start doing standup so Dave changen was like Dave why don't you come I'm like you'll be the first non Chef that's been asked to speak at a [ __ ] Chef Conference of 600 of like the top Michelin star chefs and I don't know these people I get off
the plane and they're like Dave we're going to eat at Nomo tonight you know and uh or Nola sorry I said it I'm [ __ ] [ __ ] we're eing at Nola tonight I'm like oh noou and I'm I'm like oh there's a no noou in Copenhagen Nola is the [ __ ] number one voted restaurant in the world like four years in a row like it's like an eating experience you've never the guy that runs uh Nola Renee is a [ __ ] like Picasso of the cooking world I mean just insane like like he'll put this in front of you and you're like what is this and it's like this is a rock that I just [ __ ] with food that you would never believe and so I'm here with these highly highly successful people that are like you know uh [ __ ] Dario Chini uh um [ __ ] I can't even remember all their names Alex ATA from Brazil um they all have the number one restaurant in their City you know the guys in LA and this for me it's amazing because Dave's like you know we're not going to be able to pay you we can get you out here but you will never have to [ __ ] wait to eat at any of these restaurants ever and I'm like I'll do it just for that and I get there and so I don't know who any of these people are but they are the [ __ ] champions of the cooking world and so I got to hang out with them for a week and it it's you want to talk about following patterns of success I mean they first of all they're all Angry like an insane amounts of like this is the way you run a restaurant why they challenge everything they are [ __ ] Brave they [ __ ] went for it like everyone said a restaurant is going to fail the chances of a restaurant staying in business is not that good and who's going to want to eat a [ __ ] Taco that has Korean me like you're they're challenging the norm they're challenging society and and they're all crazy challenging Society with tacos just you know whenever you go to a restaurant and you like well that's the thing is I went there and I was like I don't know I don't I don't even know why I'm here so these guys are talking about what do you mean you're there to eat no it was about next level food like how to uh it was serious it's like what food is doing to you mean the conference the whole conference yeah okay I thought you meant the restaurant oh well the restaurant was to eat but then the whole
conference was like the [ __ ] shitty food we're serving in public schools uh like a guy that a speaker there was from Somalia his restaurant had been blown up like three times and he keeps opening it so it was about all these it was sort of like on a serious topic like the state of food right now with overpopulation and what that's doing to create like dark snow and and just I'm like what the [ __ ] am I doing here you know and it was super serious and they're covering like real issues about food and and and the world and this and that and and then I just I just went on stage and started talking about how everything makes me [ __ ] that's all I could do you know so you tried to do stand up I I did standup and it was did it go it went amazing like that's hilarious yeah it was [ __ ] awesome like I was I I puked before I went for a walk and I was like the girl before me was a 10-year-old speaker that talked about how she changed the way people eat in Africa off her off her blog and I'm like I need to kill myself right now oh my God she's 10 and she changed the way they eat an AF yeah she started a Blog about how people are starving and and and everyone's crying and clapping and I'm like holy [ __ ] I I was like I can't go up there and try to sound like I'm a food guy wow and I just talked about things that give you diarrhea well I'm Asian you know I didn't I grew up I'm Asian I grew up in America I Asians aren't supposed to eat lasagna they're not no why there's no cheese in Korean food there's not no there's no cheese in Korean food so you can't eat lasag so thousands of years of Koreans eating rice and soup and Korean seaweed and [ __ ] Korea Pula wine they come to America what did you say Brian Korean Pooh wine what is that it's something in Korea that's a a medicine Vice did a thing on it where they where they take uh the poo of a seven-year-old child oh come on and they actually had a reporter from Vice that had to take it and I felt so bad for her she was so nice about it and she drank the Poo wine I don't know about K I want to see this PO but basically cut that off dude there's no there's no you know all this [ __ ] that there's that's part of American diet like hamburgers spaghetti tacos all all this [ __ ] we this is all new you know
this is all new so so your genetics are not set up for cheese so what do I so my entire life I've had irritable bowel syndrome wow my whole life my whole life a part of anxiety is I'm gonna go talk to Joel right now live for I don't know an hour two hours whatever if I'm getting nervous I have to [ __ ] like what I'm going to make this guy live cut the thing so I have to run so that gives me more anxiety and that adds to the puking so did you cut Dairy out of your diet I I love lasagna oh I I can't stop you know that's just your decision you love aagna more than you love not [ __ ] yourself I love Comics the same way you love Comics okay but I grew up reading like Calvin and Hobbs F I started with the funnies the the the newspaper you know like Garfield Calvin and Hobs all that [ __ ] and so I was obsessed with Garfield like eating lasagna you know I'm like why why does this cat eat Las you know because I'm an Asian kid eating rice and [ __ ] kimchi I forgot about eating Las I don't know what I don't even know how to pronounce it lasagna you know so lasagna I'm like you know and and I don't know what it is it's like a exotic foreign white people food thing and then my aunt brings it one day and we eat the [ __ ] out of it I'm like no wonder Garfield loves it cuz it's cheesy and it's got tomato sauce and what does it do it explodes out of my ass it's like poison to me I can't eat this [ __ ] I can't eat dairy I'm lactose intolerant but it tastes so good there's nothing in Korean food that tastes close to that I mean we have other delicious treats but nothing like that so I'm like look I so but you were will willing to take that just for the delicious taste you willing to just have to [ __ ] yourself do I do it even today now I mean my I I've had irritable bowel syndrome so I've always looked it up on on uh you know WebMD and [ __ ] like that how it there's no known like cause for it but they think it's most likely stress you know so um but wouldn't it be dietary well it's it's it's a combination I have the IBS from like the non-stop stress and then also the the dietary part of it so yeah I've cut down a little bit on the dairy but the stress part A lot of it came from the gambling from all the taking all these insane chances like I'll tell you like oh I'm
going to fight some crazy killer and I might get this my [ __ ] kicked in whatever like I'm cool like out here but inside I'm like oh my God you know or we're going to send you to interview some Somali pirates and they might chop your head off you know cool no problem but inside I'm just [ __ ] I'm just a [ __ ] mess so I internalize it so as I've eliminated less stress from my life I've the IBS has gotten better you know Jesus so that's what I did my whole act on and that and you know one of my friends Harris whittles who writes for Eastbound and Down he does stand up too and I said dude I'm what the [ __ ] do I talk about and he goes anytime you do stand up like it's a [ __ ] cheap shot it's a no-brainer [ __ ] stories always kills you know so went up and I and and it did like the people there were like I was like all that food you guys serve me makes me [ __ ] and you know I turned it around I ended up talking about you know how I'm in a different um uh practice than them but you know if you want to be successful if you're not focused in life is to be like a family person but if you want to be the absolute best of whatever your field is then you have to take chances you can't be a [ __ ] you can't be a follower you can't follow you have to break constantly and challenge yourself challenge the way everything is you have to question things and it's scary because no one else has done it so [ __ ] yourself you're questioning and challenging yourself well that well that is the joke part but when it was at its worst I didn't leave the house wow that's so crazy I can't believe you kept that diet up though this is this was my day well it wasn't just the diet it wasn't just well how much of a variation did you give your diet um did you ever cut out gluten did you ever cut out Dairy everything everything and just try to eat like nothing but meat and vegetables uh I've yeah I've done every different kind of like I've tried nothing helped uh you know I did just protein stuff I've done I've done different stuff but at the end of the day it's always the the stress that gets to me you know what like what stress feel like I'm in therapy you out well I've been in jail a
lot of times which means I did a lot of bad things so yeah I used to like constantly be looking over my shoulder so that's the stress that was when I was younger than the gambling every time every week I would put my entire life savings on the line so it's like wow I'm in Vegas someone else is like having a good time going to strip club whatever I'm risking everything I've ever worked for right now that creates stress wow you know and how do you deal with that today well I don't gamble anymore that that just couldn't take it anymore it's just it's just stupid there's no reason for me to gamble when you have when you made as much money as me it's just [ __ ] to gamble right because you get caught up and lose it all what's the point you know and it can happen right people have done that course especially when you go to maau and they're like do you want to [ __ ] bet bet with million doll chips Oh my Jesus Christ like that makes me so nervous your dick shrivel up into your body you know when I pass by those tables in Vegas and I see someone was willing to bet like $25,000 on a roll of roulette you know I've seen it happen just oh no that was me what a crazy moovie that's the pink chips and I I got to the point in Vegas where they knew me and they would let me bet a quar million Dan White won $77 million one night in Vegas and he's he's lost as much as a million you guys should get together and make out well that I mean that guy's made a [ __ ] ton of money doing UFC and so to get his dick card he has to bet like that you know get his dickard that's a that is a uh expression for gamblers isn't it get his dick hard yeah what's he gonna do sit at a table and play $20 Blackjack like Nichol slots well what is it about people that love first of all UFC a lot of UFC takes place in Vegas right yes so he's there inas okay so that's office is in Vegas and if he's an addict then he's dangerously you know like that's a horrible place to live yeah but he's getting away with it because he's rich and he makes a lot of money right and he figures out how to do it and he's good at it well see in Vegas they cap you off you know you can't bet like you can't bet the way you do in maau well that's one of the reasons why we stopped being at the Palms they cut back his uh his limit they cut back his credit right
because he was killing them yeah if you if you have a [ __ ] ton of money if you have a bank roll and you know how to gamble you could [ __ ] knock one of those casinos out and you know they'll [ __ ] yeah it's a good feeling that's hilarious man yeah that's so crazy and dangerous and wild the idea of betting that much [ __ ] money so glad I don't have that I don't have that at all no well how did you think I got to that point oh I'm sure I can get that don't get me wrong you you you bet with your life savings and win-win till you get to the point where you're like oh now I'm like those guys betting $25,000 a well you're a smart guy and you also know that that there's some there's some ways as a gambler in quotes you could sort of minimize the risks and it's by being very intelligent about what you're doing that's exactly what I'm telling you about MMA fighting but with much more Everlasting repercussions because if you get broke you're a smart guy you'll figure out how to get money again you you already know the drill you know how to get rich but I'm not trying to be like a like a professional fighter with a long career I'm trying to have one fight I understand but I'll tell you what you get a f could kill me yeah Thiago Alves and one fight change your [ __ ] life right that [ __ ] would change the whole rest of your life with the couple of knes it's just you got to make sure that if you're you're fighting someone that they're like you a guy who's not necessarily uh a lifelong expert maybe has a little bit of martial arts and you got to get good at protecting yourself against strikes that's the big one because it sounds like if you have a judo base you're probably a really good Grappler Judo guys are notoriously strong core strength hard to take down I give amazing Bear Hugs but the Striking striking is a totally different thing I have no will set you up fake you out and drop a [ __ ] bomb on your noodle and you're not going to like it I have a weak chin I'll get knocked the [ __ ] out one chin one knock right here I'm out don't do it man don't do it then trust me but a grappling match you could that that could be some hardcore [ __ ] you could learn Jiu-Jitsu learn Jiu-Jitsu get into uh a school like train and train for a
grappling match and the worst case scenario is you get Tapped Out you get strangled you tapped out you're all right you get an arm bar you tap out and it'll be be [ __ ] crazy wild and fun but you don't have to worry about the lasting effects of head trauma it'll it still is possibly and potentially very dangerous but you'll minimize the risks considerably when you take out striking I just tell people if you want to fight that [ __ ] should be a solitary thing there should be nothing else you want to do in your life I don't want to fight and be a bestselling author and be a fighter pilot so what do you want to do do you want to fight okay no there's dudes out there that only want to fight the day I decide that this is something I'm going to do I'm not going to I'll train and that'll be it that'll be my life you should do painting too you'd be like Moto mashi he was a great Samurai who also did a lot of calligraphy and painting he thought it was important write poetry I mean I I mean the way I throw myself in when I paint that's all I do I throw my like I'm like this is you know there's always going to be someone better than me but as far as I'm concerned I'm going to do the best I can and there's nothing besides painting that's going to obsess we had a cool conversation about work like last time I was at your place you know like you go through like these like spurt sometimes just decide to just attack and just start working but yeah I do that but also the same same way like you know when people are like I'm an artist I'm like this is what I do like even though I haven't painted like for four years I do something creative every day and if I had to paint for a career like living then I don't do the gay like oh I only paint when I'm emotionally like move to do it or when I feel like it like whether I feel like [ __ ] like it's a real job I show up every day every day repetition paint a horse paint it a a thousand times it'll get better it's like it's a real job I paint whether my girlfriend dumped me or whether she's sucking my dick or whatever every [ __ ] day you paint no matter what no excuse that's a beautiful statement right there that people should take that and make a video of it don't be [ __ ] gay just don't say that man say that the gay as in like I don't I don't feel uh
like I know what you're saying I need inspiration [ __ ] your inspiration but it's you shouldn't call it gay okay you force yourself way you force yourself transgender don't call it that either dick um yeah well gay isn't glorious and amazing yeah yeah youo um I know what you're saying I know what you're saying it's um I I I I feel where you're coming from you're like you're it's a call to Arms get up and work get get your [ __ ] done and if you're a professional you do it every day and that's how the work gets done and don't be a wimp don't be a [ __ ] don't be weak don't be a [ __ ] shouldn't say don't be a [ __ ] [ __ ] is amazing it's one of my favorite things yeah but don't a [ __ ] why would you would be something amazing it' be something I want to lick lick myself all day it's not it's it's just it seems wrong to call someone a [ __ ] and that means it's he's a bad thing I'm not trying to change the language here right it works it's better than [ __ ] but when they say don't be a [ __ ] are they talking about like a [ __ ] cat like a cat is that working what are they talking about I don't know talking about that fat [ __ ] Garfield lasagna and [ __ ] gave me irritable barel syndrome but it's like for for success and [ __ ] like that like especially with music or art or something creative it's like it's easy to be like I only feel inspired it's like [ __ ] that repetition put in the time discipline MH you know put in put in the time like yeah force yourself whether you feel like it or not you know that's that's the way you do it you're dead right you're dead right that that applies to Comedy it's training it applies to Comedy it applies to martial arts it applies to and that's why when I paint something like in two seconds it's cuz I've already painted it a thousand times you know so I don't want to be a dick Joe but I have to actually run back to the other side of La over and I have to get uh a painting done dude we're out of time anyway there was it was a lot of fun man you were fired up today dude you could tell you've been doing a lot of podcasts you're a different person am I you got a lot of [ __ ] to say now you're an animal man when you get comfortable you get wound up and you just [ __ ] fire off
is the show over so show's over show is um it is right now uh 612 does it do you just end it whenever you feel like it we end it whenever we feel like it we don't have any producers man I got to beat traffic and beat that traffic son I'm going to bribe uh Aubrey Plaza into being my best friend who's that she's the actress from uh are you doing shout outs right now you giving someone a shout out no I got to how dare you she wants a painting for me and I said for for you to get a painting from me you got to be my best friend thanks to stamps.com use the code word JRE on stamps and save some money thanks to on it.com use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements all right you freaks uh we'll see you next week yeah yeah absolutely everyone thanks for listening to Joe Rogan show if you like this [ __ ] oh this is my first commercial I got a show called double vag double anal sensitive artist that's DVD asa.com go listen to it that's my show um if you guysa and if you guys like the early episodes with Yoshi he has his own show called Yosi she didn't go listen to that show and that's all I got to play air.com and Aira my beautiful co-star all right beautiful party people we'll see you guys next week everybody have a good time this weekend oh we'll be Friday night we'll be at the uh the Ice House [ __ ] around that little room if you've uh ever been to the ice house there's that little tiny room there and uh I'll be there Brian who's who else is there uh we got fem uh Justin marale uh got a couple other people that place is the lab that place is where we do our best [ __ ] around to come up with new material it's uh really small it's only like 80 people and it's a lot of fun all right so uh that's the ice house Friday night and uh all right you [ __ ] beautiful people yeah go ahead the date November 2nd November 2nd I don't know what I'm going to do then but it's going to be that's the year last year November 2nd I took over the Reddit I'm going to maybe do something weird like that again so just don't know what I'm going to do yet so you're giving out oh pay attention to me November no pay nice yeah all right something crazy all right Party People thanks everybody love you see you soon byebye [Laughter]
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