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I got to tell these [ __ ] people Jesus Christ there's a lot of people that don't even know this podcast is happening right now this is a disaster I will right now tweet it as I'm talking that's how slick I am I'm not very slick at all just bear with me this is going to be clunky they're G to be like I thought this was a good podcast here we go [ __ ] let's here we go [ __ ] I'll retweet it oh please do Jimmy n that's called being lazy too I'll let Joe do all the work [ __ ] hashtagging and I'll just retweet it um I do a lot of retweeting too it's too much work when people ask you to just tweet things hey tweet this for me [ __ ] you didn't even tweet it yourself like Brian Ken that [ __ ] will tell you hey tweet that I'm here tweet that I'm here and then you go to his Twitter page and he tweeted himself he's like I was gonna but I had to I had to do this wrestling class and there was a guy an alligator I had to see this episode of The Joe ran Experience Podcast is brought to you by squarespace.com squarespace.com is uh a website allows you to build websites very easily it's uh it's set up so that like a dummy like you or I could easily make notice how I said you or I you thought I was going to say me I'm tricky it's uh essentially it's set up so that uh a simple person like myself could easily make a website and you can do it really quickly choose from over 20 badass designs uh you you can um if you need help they have 247 super fast email support you also can start it and try it without paying for it you don't even have to enter your credit card information just they have so much confidence that it's a cool website for creating websites that they allow you to play with it first and then if you decide like wow this uh this website that I made super easy is [ __ ] badass you can easily register it and you can easily start an online store so it's uh it's a pretty sweet account and if you use the code name Rogan oh not even use the code name Joe and the number eight there's too many of these codes uh squarespace.com squarespace.com and use the offer code Joe and then the number eight so if you decide to purchase uh you get uh 10% off and the number eight is because it's the month of August so it's all one word
they're really tricky like that they want to know like exactly what month people tuned in and got a squarespace.com account but it's a it's a badass website you'll enjoy it go check it out we're also brought to you by audible.com if you go to audible.com Joo um you can get one free audio book in 30 free days of audible service audible which also has OPI and Anthony which is why I became deeply acquainted with my little buddy Jimmy Norton uh and his book best of Jim Norton volume two oh that's not a book it's probably audio Yeah it's audio best of who put that together I guess fans did or something right I don't know it's yeah well Opie and Anthony's you know all the shows are on Audible so like that's the coolest thing ever so like if you miss yesterday's show you just go online download the show and I think they just took all the best parts of uh Jimmy on Opie and Anthony this is volume two so so there's a few of them and uh it says an hour and 10 minutes and you said one of your books is available right um yeah happy ending I did the voice read for an audio book I didn't do it for uh I hate your guts how come you didn't didn't have the time no I wish I had but because when I did the um Happy Endings one it was such an annoying process to go through because they're like she's like say it like this and say it like that and I listen to her but I'm like I'm a comic I know how to talk I should have just done what I did so she's telling you how to do it how to read it so it's clear like and they do that with everybody but it's like I should I should have overrode on a few and went no I know how to do that yeah you can't have that kind of impact you're not going to put out a bad product I know you you're trying to do the best thing that you can do but you can't do that when people are trying to change your enunciations or micromanage yeah that becomes a problem like I I had a book deal and I gave back the money because of that did you yeah I didn't want to deal with it they were they were trying to get me to write it like a standup in in standup form and we we kind of had such a the the gap between what they wanted and what I wanted to do was so wide that I was like I don't don't think it's fair cuz I can't I can't make your book what dummies they
are well just they have an idea of what they think could sell they actually wanted me to try to do my standup in book form and I was like there's no way I would do that and they go but George Carlin did it and Jerry Seinfeld did it I'm like that's great and those guys are great Comics I I don't care I don't I'm not going to do that I'm never going to do that I'm never going to put my [ __ ] stand stand up is stand up for a reason it's supposed to be that way cheating in a way it's cheating instead of coming up with a new book you're just taking that's lazy thinking by uh Publishers or copy editors well it was just gross I think they just trying to make money and it led me think that they were just trying to make the most money possible they don't weren't really worried about it being good otherwise he would never propose that so was just we just had a different idea of uh what to do so I understand where you're coming from but you know hey they're in the business of making money you know they're not in the business of being Jim Norton you know that's the problem no one to [ __ ] tell you you mean think about all the crazy [ __ ] you've ever said and how many people could would suggest that that would be a good thing to talk about yeah you know meanwhile It's Made Who you who you are they're idiots so Joe his book is uh usually $23.93 but if you sign up right now you get this book for free good googly moogly go check it out go to audible.com and uh audible.com Joe and uh or did they change that now didn't they change that I don't know or this is whole ridiculous it has to be it Squarespace Squarespace changed it I think audible still basically the same thing yeah they all should be the same thing but uh the point you you go to a lot of uh massage pars have you heard of rubmaps.com yet it's going to be your new favorite website you're going to be addicted to it it's pretty much Yelp for massage parlor go there and realize that Brian got jerked off by the gal right before you oh yeah exactly but it has like reviews and it like like if you want a hand job if you want full sex if you want whatever and it tells you all the places oh nice man it's great nice thews are the best excellent wouldn't it be great if that was all legal and we could just be like gentlemen and discuss this
oh that would be wonderful she's an Asian but she has bad breath but she will eat your ass for an extra 30 slight slightly BR wonderful but Meanwhile we're like e why would you do that e what do you want pleasure uh Jimmy Jimmy's book's awesome the one that's on tape you can get at audible.com for free go audible.com Joo you get one free audiobook and 30 free days of audible service did I ever get you any of the on it stuff did I ever get you any of the um Alpha Brain or any of that [ __ ] no I don't think so I got to get you some I like what you did there Brian not how dare you what was that Wayne's I just thought I'd Brak not I dust KN off I haven't even tried that in years not any out of nowhere pych uh if you haven't been to on.com it's our last sponsor um we sell what we call things that it's it's what we call a human performance website everything we sell on on it is in some way going to benefit you physically or mentally or your your your cardio or your your mental health there's uh a bunch of different strength and conditioning uh exercise equipment pieces that we sell we sell kettle bells and battle ropes and weight vests and steel maces and Club Bells all [ __ ] that really promotes functional strength strength that you could apply to Athletics whether it's martial arts or a sport or something along those lines and then the supplements we we we sell is essentially the best [ __ ] that we can find in every category what's the be where's the best protein powder that's made out of hemp what's where's the best uh spirulina where's the best melatonin we just sell the best [ __ ] we can get and we try to sell it at a reasonable rate and we sell it through the internet so the the the whole thing is done easily and smoothly we don't have to deal with any third party and if you're interested in these supplements which are the most controversial thing that we sell you know people like what cause it helps your endurance what it makes your brain work what so a lot of people don't want to believe things so we have a science thing set up at hit.com explains the science behind all this and then on top of that there's also a 30 pill 90day money back guarantee so you don't even have to return the product you say hey
this stuff didn't do [ __ ] for me and you get your money back no one's trying to rip you off all we're trying to do is just sell you [ __ ] that I use [ __ ] that AUB uses [ __ ] that my friends use Alpha Brain is what's called a neut Tropic and what neut Tropics are is nutrients that are have been shown in certain studies to enhance certain aspects of cognitive function whether it's uh being able to problem solve or memory or there's other supplements like new mood which is a 5htp supplement which is uh great for your serotonin development also has lopan which converts to 5htp I'm talking too much any of these questions you need answered uh on any of this stuff you can go to on it.com that's o nnit t if you use the code name Rogan you'll save 10% off any and all supplements My Pal Jimmy Norton is here cu the music Brian let's get frisky frisky off too The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day powerful Jimmy Norton thank you that's the most magical intro we've ever given you it's delightful feel like there's some energy in the air when I said that what's going on my brother good to see you good to see you I'm okay I'm drinking this coffee and it's very good with the butter in it yeah but I know that I'm going to be because any of that stuff like lactose just [ __ ] me up so I know I'm going to be a lot yeah I'll be interested to see if it has the same effect on you cuz it's grass-fed butter I wonder if that has the same effect you know what I find I find that I can be lactose intolerant but when I drink raw milk I don't have any problem what's the grass-fed butter effect well the idea is and obviously I'm no doctor so don't listen to me but the idea is that butter from grass-fed cows is butter from healthier cows and cows are not designed to eat corn and when they eat corn it's one of the reasons why they get so [ __ ] fat right it's just not a part of their normal diet their normal diet is just grass and when you have grass-fed beef it's a much leaner beef it tastes different and the idea is the Butter's different too and the butter is actually healthy for you okay as opposed to the butter that you're getting that's you know from cornfed cows the other thing is the
homogeneization and pasteurization of milk changes so much about how your body absorbs it like the enzymes in it and everything have you ever had like raw milk I don't know I I don't love milk I drink it out of necessity and other [ __ ] but like I could never be the professional just walking around slugging milk I wish that how bad his breath must be well like there was drink [ __ ] milk well that was supposed to be like the sign that you're a serious man did you ever see the movie The Hustler uh do you mean with Paul Newman yes yeah sure do you remember Jackie Gleason's backer was George C Scott and Geor C Scott played Bert and Bert Gordon and he drank a glass of milk everywhere everybody else everybody's getting [ __ ] up left and right they're all drinking whiskey and they're all [ __ ] and Bert just over there drinking a glass of milk he's serious a serious gambler oh wow no I never saw that I I remember the movie I don't remember that part of it I guess it was like I want to say 63 I want to say it was 1963 it's a great [ __ ] movie the guy the guy fat changed his name because of that Minnesota F was gleon what was the real the original fats New York F he was okay wanderone Rudolph Rudolph wanderone I think that's his real name yeah I think it's Rudolph wanderone um he uh he was not even the best pool player of his era not even close right Moscone was and they used to have these these matches and Moscone hated the fact that people only knew him because he played Minnesota Fats cuz Minnesota Fats stole the name off the movie it was a brilliant move he said that was based on me he was a really eccentric character in Minnesota Fats it wasn't that he was a bad pool player he was a really good pool player but he was a hustler right and he he had like 100 cats he was one of those guys he used to go to Kentucky Fried Chicken and he'd pick up like two buckets of chicken and he would just toss them in his yard and like a hundred cats would come in and tear the chicken apart like that's what he did every day that was his thing he yeah he had like a gang of stray animals that he fed so he was an interesting guy but he wasn't the character wasn't based on on him the character in MO most likely was just a based on a bunch of different pool
players with some fiction added to it my priest years ago when I was in uh North Brunswick his name is father mizerak he's dead now but his brother was a very famous M yeah even when you just showing off for his cousin it was it was there was a relation though I just don't remember what it was yeah he was the guy that did those commercials M light I think right yeah every now and then a guy like sneaks through and becomes famous through a sport where no one else is famous like in pool everybody says Janette Lee do you you know who he is like if you tell someone that you play pool people go do you know who Janette Lee is she's this really beautiful woman who was also she was a pool Champion she doesn't play uh I don't think as much anymore but she was on ESPN a lot she might be back into it I don't know but she's beautiful and she plays really good pool and she wears all black and her nickname is the Black Widow and she's Korean so she's got this dark black hair and she's pretty so people go nuts for her so she's like the Lance Armstrong and I don't mean this by performance enhancing I mean by Lance Armstrong cancer either one Lance Armstrong is the only bike guy I've ever heard of like I guess Greg lemon he he was one that I had heard of like way back in the past but as far as like being able to name professional Cycles I can't after Lance Armstrong no one cares about any of them yeah so if you talk about like professional pool players almost everybody goes oh what about the Black Widow like that woman I've probably seen her but I don't know her I bet you have she's in she's in commercialist too I'm sure she she does a lot like but she's been the most successful at like utilizing Her Image and like and becoming famous in a sport where almost no one's famous like it's for pool players it's a tough time yeah there's no it's very hard to make a living it's very hard to become famous and there's a hard to express a personality there or something that differentiates you and makes you likable that over is bigger than the sport like uh maybe she has that maybe there's something dude look at her she's hot and she plays pool that's what it is you know and she's very Savvy as far as marketing rather wide backed girl um you know big girl you played with her on
that celebrity pool thing I didn't get actually get to play with her um I I played in a tournament and she was the commentator which was kind of crazy that she's commentating on me playing pool like you know world class professional but luckily I was playing against people who didn't have any idea what they were doing I I like pool and hated I don't find it relaxing at all it upsets me because I stink at it and I I suck at long green shots like uh I'm just I'm fairly hideous at pool and I never found it enjoyable because I just can't get the hang of it pool is one of those things that gets enjoyable when you get really good yeah as you get really good then it becomes like really satisfying if you can get into a Groove and run out racks and get in good position it's so satisfying that cocky walk around the table that I've never taken I just [ __ ] shamefully go from point A to point B and hope I don't scratch like a [ __ ] the worst is playing in a bar all a bunch of people like crowded around a table and drinking and bumping into [ __ ] it's what a ridiculous idea a Precision game in a bar with a bunch of drunks like stumbling in the tables and then darts there's another [ __ ] genius idea let's take a bunch of people that are hammered and give them pointed metal things to throw at each other yeah hope they don't cross the line it really is a dart league there's nothing worse than a dart league Bute they fight they'll fight all over a guy's [ __ ] foot crossing the line they they'll actually go to blows I don't find it enjoyable I've played Dart even if I got them all on the red button I would be like who gives a [ __ ] this is terrible I don't enjoy darts do you think if you tried to pick a fight with a dart guy did they draw on each other did they pull their darts out and take three Paces or whatever and throw them at each other I I was at in a fight uh not in a fight I was at a barard that there was a fight and somebody took uh darts and like stab the guy in the back of the neck with it Jesus it was disgusting they probably never fight each other for that reason they're all holding darts it's like it can't it's like [ __ ] rob store in Texas everybody's got a gun you don't do it yeah that's an interesting way of looking at it okay you never hear
about two Dart players going on it and throwing darts at each other you know I mean like they're really experts at tossing weapons I mean a dart's a [ __ ] weapon yeah you know if it was poison you're [ __ ] man how you going to stop a dart from a dart expert gu was the only thing is they take their time those [ __ ] don't you hate when they line I hate when they got their foot there and they got the eye thing and the arms going back and forth you're like oh just [ __ ] kill yourself [ __ ] stinks what a stupid [ __ ] if you really stop and think about it I mean it's fun to play don't get me wrong but what a stupid skill to throw something and make it stick into a wall a certain spot it's something that counted years ago when we hunted for food or like you know on Game of Thrones that's a great skill to have to be able to shoot something accurately at a Target but now it just doesn't mean anything anymore unless you're hunting unless you're going like like squirrel hunting with a bow and arrow you you have to have a really good yeah if you're doing something like that could you hunt with a dart could you go like bird hunting with a dart and get close enough to these [ __ ] no way they would see you blow dart would work yeah I watched a special where these dudes were uh Jack and monkeys with blow darts it was really crazy to watch man watching people kill monkeys is very strange I mean it's so it feels so close to murder yeah it's weird you know you're like man a monkey you're killing monkeys like those things are really close to people man shooting darts out of this thing and these monkeys there was uh I think curari I think that was the name of the poison there was some sort of a poison is it from a Toad's back or some [ __ ] usually frogs are [ __ ] man Frog's back will kill you yeah well the dude's in the Amazon they find out everything that kills you and they take note okay if you ever want to put something on a spear tip that [ __ ] thing will kill you cuz they ate it once somebody they know ate it once and Dro dead they like make a note [ __ ] shoot that at somebody I mean that's the only way they knew yeah when you're dealing with like the Amazon you ever see that the documentary about
the guy who swam through the Amazon he swam like the length of the Amazon River no yeah yeah God damn it it's a it's a really fascinating let me find guy swims Amazon how many miles is the Amazon documentary oh it's a long [ __ ] time he got [ __ ] up too big river man yeah it's called Big Riverman the the guy is [ __ ] crazy I mean he's crazy he drinks beer every night and he gets in this water and swims for days and he's he doesn't even look like he's in the greatest shape in the world but the guy just can go and go and go but he's ingesting all this [ __ ] water in like this parasite ridden place and he gets all [ __ ] up from it I mean he's really really really sick he keeps going he keeps going keeps [ __ ] swimming this thing I mean what what he did was pretty [ __ ] incredible cuz he was just like a regular guy who drank beer who decided to make this happen like I I don't think you know I mean he's he would you look at him like you see the way he's built he's built like a I mean he's a sturdy looking fella but he's he's not built like a guy who's going to swim the [ __ ] length of the Amazon I saw it a couple of years ago so I can't remember all the details about it but I remember thinking like what a crazy character this guy is he's been like a fighter in the 20s they had like they had the barrel chest but you knew that they were [ __ ] problems but they weren't ripped and cut like guys are today well there's a lot of guys today that are like that you know look a guy like Mike Russo he's a world class uh heavyweight in the UFC he's he knocked out Todd Duffy he's a big [ __ ] guy it's a Chicago cop but he's built like that you know he's built like a regular guy this some people just have a higher level of fat there just genetically there's nothing you can do about that dude who wants to be punched in the face by a Chicago cop UFC fighter oh how unpleasant he's a nice guy too they all are the UFC guys are the nicest athletes I've met that's why I love it so much every one of them has been a cool guy that I've met and interviewed and and never have they been dicks to us well they have a much healthier attitude I think that the the accolades and this is not hating on anybody but I think the accolades that that a professional athlete gets are almost unhealthy
sometimes yeah yeah and I think that they're not getting the humiliation that Fighters get by losing by training in the gym by by getting broken in the gym by getting submitted by getting tagged there's like a certain level of reality that Fighters live in where they don't they don't have to engage all this chest puffing that you see a lot of people doing almost to compensate because it's almost like they don't they can't even believe that they're this [ __ ] Superstar so part of their brain is like sabotaging course causing them to act like [ __ ] and not tip anywhere and slam doors on people and the kind of [ __ ] that you hear from like really arrogant pro athletes but with MMA fighters for the most part these are dudes that if you if you're serious about that sport you have to have like a Spartan discipline I mean you have to be the type of person that's watching your diet making sure you're organizing your training and you just get humiliated you get humiliated and humbled is a better word you get humbled by the whole process of trying to become great they're just different athletes you know you see like some some pro basketball players that are like super arrogant or or crazy it's like you don't see not nearly you're always going to see it a certain amount in population of people but you don't see nearly as much in the MMA or in the UFC as you would think I haven't met that many uh NBA people that I liked um to be honest you know the one I thought was really nice uh Clyde Frasier we had on it was great uh Dr J was really nice but you know I think he's lost a lot of the money um but [ __ ] like I met LeBron James once briefly and he wasn't awful but I only got a photo with him this is what a what this is fairly humiliating I wanted a picture with who's the comedy seller so I texted Kevin Hart cuz they're good friends I'm like I want to get a picture with LeBron so he texted LeBron like my friend's going to be asking you for a picture so that's the only reason he stopped was because I texted Kevin Hart oh well that's a good deal though that's a good connection yeah it is to text my friend who does movies and ask him if he can get me a picture of a [ __ ] NBA player what a bad favor to call in well for people don't know you like getting pictures with celebrities you have like
more pictures with celebrities than any other celebrity I do have a lot of them yeah and I'm glad I do it I it's it's fun to do although the ones I wished I had got autographs but I met kenneson once and didn't get a photo and prior I met once and didn't get a photo but I didn't do photos back then yeah there's a few people that I wish that I'd taken I wish I'd taken a photo with Hicks I think that would have been cool I I never I got to meet him it was more like a hi you know I never I never got to talk to him but I got to see him perform a couple of times when I was an open micer if uh if cameras were around back then back then it was like really rare you had a camera on you but if camera was around like back then oh what a great picture that be yeah I never met bck never met him and I've never listened to his stuff like I've heard Clips we played on o Anda but I've never listened to a hick CD and everyone tells me how great he was but it's like at this point in my life I just don't want to hear another comic and be influenced by him like I'm like just I I hear he's great and good good for him and I don't want to know it that's interesting yeah you we and I've had this conversation before we have a sort of different opinion on uh on that I I hear you that it can can happen but I got I like getting inspired and I think for me the best way to get inspired is by just listening to Comedy you know I I get inspired it it makes me want to write you know and I think I just I don't feel like there's any sense in avoiding a certain amount of influence that we're going to give each other but I also think if your mind is straight and you're you have good ethics as far as like your writing I don't think you really have to worry about that you know what you're doing you're trying to pursue your ideas you're not trying to pursue somebody else's I think it's a good thing to worry about when you're first starting out but I don't think you're stop I don't there's there's no way you you're very ethical you know and I I respect your take on this opinion like the reason why you're doing it you're doing it for the exact right reasons I just always feel like uh I got into comedy because I love the art form itself and I'm a fan of it and I don't want to not be a fan of it I just
just because I'm doing it doesn't mean I I I want to still enjoy it as if I had nothing to do with it if I was never involved yeah you know if I went I became a comic book artist or whatever else I wanted to be or could have B been if I wasn't a comic I would like to think that I would like comedy just as much yeah you know it's funny I see like I went and saw Collins's onean show about the Constitution how was that I heard great things it's amazing and Colin Quin and where is it it's it's in New York but I think he's moving theaters it like the Cherry Lane theater but he might be moving and it's a whole I think it's better than his last one which I thought was brilliant but this one is totally it's like standup but it's all about the Constitution and it's it's [ __ ] that's inspiring to see like like cuz he never takes the easy Road like I admire Colin because he never goes for the easy dick joke or the cheap angle like he [ __ ] toughs it out and if he's bombing on stage at the seller he takes it like a man and he works it out and he makes it funny like he's really really uh just above everybody I think and this is I I put him at the top above all Comics wow to do an hour on the Constitution I could do maybe 3 minutes and I would immediately go I wonder how big Jefferson's dick was like I would [ __ ] would laps right into the [ __ ] slave [ __ ] yeah but okay I got to stop you right there because I don't think there's anything wrong with that I think what you do and I I love Colin I think Colin is hilarious but honestly I'd rather see you thank you the reason being is because you're a [ __ ] up dude and you're going to say some [ __ ] up [ __ ] and it's going to be fun it's going to be you you're going to say some nutty [ __ ] Colin talking about the Constitution would be fascinating and I think I'd enjoy that on a completely different level but for sheer laughs if I wanted to just goof on [ __ ] would like to see an act like yours because cuz you're having fun you know and I think um having a show on the Constitution is is very very difficult but it's also very difficult to do a show the way you're doing it it's really hard to do what you do that's why there's so very few people who are as honest as you are
when you're on stage as open about your perversions and as lovable in those that's like very difficult to do like you shouldn't sell that short like what you do is just as much of an art form as what Colin does and I would I'd love to see both of them don't get me wrong but you can't say like I I I enjoy that style of comedy and it's [ __ ] hard to do that's why there's only like out of all the really good dirty comics in this country how many of them are there really is there even a dozen is there even a dozen that you would go out of your way to see out of 300 million people is there even a dozen really perverted dirty guys that you would go see no no there not no it's a [ __ ] it's a very difficult thing to cultivate to get to that point you know it's it's weird it's like I don't mind doing dirty stuff like if I'm being truthful I just don't like doing it when I know like prior said that he said [ __ ] or [ __ ] too much at times as a crutch and he knew when he was doing it like I don't want to do it as a crutch I don't want to like use it as prior's [ __ ] if I'm doing it because I want to do it I'm cool with it I'll be as filthy as you want the [ __ ] [ __ ] jokes I'll talk about being [ __ ] on whatever but if I'm doing it because um I [ __ ] I don't have anything right you you know what I mean it's like then I feel like I'm doing the equivalent of a fart sound and it's like I wish I didn't sell myself out course it's that's that is the big leap that you make as a comic when you get past just doing stuff that works to doing stuff that you believe in that and it works because you believe in it it's not like a trick it's not like just uh and that feeling that you when I remember like doing material that was dirty when when I was first starting out like one of the things that I would remember is how like awkward it was when I was forcing it when I was like bombing and I was trying to make like it was funny and it wasn't funny it was just when you're dirty especially it's like extra awkward oh it's like a giant echo in the room because you finished with [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] and you're like so disappointed in yourself and back then I was like always disappointed in myself that I could never go clean so like guy was like I could probably have a career I thought I could do well as a clean
comic but for whatever reason I just wouldn't do it I just didn't I was like God why can't you just be clean so when I would bomb if I would bomb dirty I'd be like oh God yeah extra humiliating yeah I wish it was clean but you know what I find there's I don't find any extra Valor in cleanliness I mean it's a good thing to do if you're really funny clean but I think that they both have they're both equally acceptable if they're if they're original and funny like I don't I see clean guys that stink and I'm like I don't a [ __ ] I hate cute euphemisms and uh you know then she was giving me a kiss on M just say it or don't man [ __ ] on the TV you can't say cocker I get that all right but when you're trying to cute it up in a nightclub it makes me it physically makes me ill to I'm embarrassed for Comics that do that well it there be an embarrassing person to talk to could you imagine having a conversation with a person like that you're sitting down and having a conversation with a person that is just just goofy and dorky and you don't want to talk to a person who doesn't swear no can't tell you like one onone tell me what happened well so and then she's sucking my [ __ ] and I can't believe it's happening yeah tell that say that say that if that happened so I know you so I get to know you because if you don't if you exclude anything weird or Twisted about yourself I'm never going to really know you yeah you know that's hard it's hard for people to do people don't like to include that and I understand that I'm in a job and you're in we're in a job where it's a little easier for us because almost most things are acceptable in our business like as a comedian it's hard as an accountant to walk in and go I [ __ ] I went out with this girl and she's blowing me and I realized she had a dick but I was high and I let her like you you can't walk into an accounting office and tell everybody that but if you say that as a comic everybody's like all right so what how's the gig and we don't care we're hard to shock but that's yeah you could come to a room full of comics a writer's room and tell that story and instantly everybody would be laughing yeah they don't care we we we we're harder to surprise and we accept a lot more and we can speak our mind a lot more but uh you
know there there's a line where we we you know that goes beyond that where people are just being unnecessarily adorable and not revealing and I hate them for it I really do yeah no I know what you're saying they're they're they're they're putting on an act either that or they're a crazy person I think they're putting on an act and not to saying everybody has to be uh speaking racially and sensitive language or be this way but to judge it like they don't get it like weener I don't care what the guy does but for people for men to act like I can't comprehend taking a picture of my [ __ ] and of course you can't like we all understand why he does what he does now now a lot of guys won't do it a lot of guys don't cheat but to to act appalled that he wants to get a dick people are enjoying claiming the moral High Ground you know they they love to I think that's going to happen in the future less and less I think as the the in technology becomes more intern in our lives there's going to be less and less privacy there's going to be less and less of grandstanding or there's going to be people that do it and get caught like weener or like Elliot Spitzer it's perfect example he was a a guy who was the mayor of New York or the governor of New York and was arresting prostitution rings but was also using them like it's like one of the the craziest ideas ever and so when you get caught nobody's going to feel bad like what are you doing man like you you you didn't just use a prostitute you know you were arresting them you were like shutting down prostitution rings and then you were using prostitutes like you can't do that yeah it's it's really it's the equivalent of your agent double dipping um it's immoral on every level and it's sick well it's crazy it's crazy it's crazy to arrest him in the first place for getting paid to do something that's perfectly legal to do free yeah if they just [ __ ] if they just had a website that say hey let's meet up and [ __ ] no one would have a problem with that but yet because some money is being exchanged what is it really is it ax tax issue just then say that's what it is and let's figure out how to tax it it's morals I think it's their their idea of moral the morals are ridiculous as soon as it's free as soon as it's free and you can do it and there's no problem
whatsoever but if you charge money for it then all of a sudden it's it's a crime that's ridiculous because if somebody just wanted to [ __ ] if some crazy woman just wanted to go around town hey meet me here let's [ __ ] and then 10:00 I'm going to meet another guy I'm going to [ __ ] him no one could say a goddamn word right but because money's being exchanged all of a sudden she's a criminal yeah it's terrible and believe me I'm a big fan of legalizing prostitution trust me I like it well it should be legal it should it shouldn't be mandatory but it should be legal you should be able to do whatever you want to do it' be safer if it was legal and I think a lot of our ideas about it look obviously I don't want my daughters to be prostitutes don't get me wrong but I think a lot of our ideas of what's so horrible about prostitution is all based on this puritanism [ __ ] that we've been pushing in this country from the Geno there's nothing wrong with being nice there's nothing wrong with having morals but when you push your own [ __ ] on other people and arrest them for giv hand jobs you know can you imagine you could rub your feet you could rub my feet till the cows come home you could rub my ass cheeks that's all good but it feels too good when you rub my dick so don't do that or I'll put you in a cage you just have to have food involved pretty much like you have to give them a sandwich first and like look I gave you food let's go back to my place like like what's the difference between a date and and you know you're spending $100 on a date or a $100 just hair well because it's the woman the money it's the you're you are although you're spending money you're spending money to try to show the woman that you are generous person you want to take care of her and then the sex is a mutual thing the idea is just that the men should be paying for the woman because they're they're not worth as much which I agree with what I agree yeah look it's way easier for a girl to get laid that it is for a guy so you got to pay for dinner seems like they have the upper hand socially it's pretty obvious EXA pay for [ __ ] until your buddy walks in with a [ __ ] on his leg they win and even then you got to [ __ ] smell your buddy's breath side of his dumb neck yeah you're [ __ ] his thigh and going
what am I do squirting all over your carpet yeah well it's your buddy's squirt it's not hot at all you know if your girl squirts all over your your your couch doesn't bother you just throw a towel down but if I came over and just start squirting squirting everywhere while I was [ __ ] your leg clear fluid if that's what what what have genetic engineering leads to that dudes just start putting vaginas on their elbows and banging each other's forearms I mean that's going to someone's going to offer that option if that option becomes available someone's going to be the guy who gets a vagina on his thigh absolutely it's going to happen yeah and his friend will [ __ ] it at a party and better we all start getting yeast infections in our legs did you hear that Eric Holder uh said today that they need to stop arresting people for petty marijuana crimes and uh crimes where uh there's no victim or whether it's not a connection to drug cartels like it's like sort of snuck under the radar but that's a gigantic statement from the attorney general that they're going to like basically stop this this aspect of the drug war they want to let people out of jail like like prisons are [ __ ] overcrowded like this is two things in the last week that have been really surprising yeah the the sanj Gupta CNN thing where he's coming out with a documentary on CNN called weed a year-long investigation to the the positive benefits of medical marijuana and all these people that are sick and all the different things that it cures all the different ailments that alleviates symptoms and this guy is like coming out and putting out this big piece on CNN.com and the special saying I was wrong like for years I I believed mainstream America's opinion about marijuana it was for a bunch of lazy Slackers and I thought that most of the medical marijuana was just people trying to get high but now he realizes it's not and it's like there's massive massive medical benefits I'm losing power my lithian crystals I think they're getting ready Captain I think they're getting ready to I'm losing power Captain it seems like it that's what I'm saying if CNN puts it on TV like that I mean that's pretty crazy and then Eric Holder saying we need to stop arresting people for petty crimes that don't involve drug
cartels and you know marijuana offenses like what wait a minute that isn't that like 50% of the prison because the problem is nonviolent drug offenders are a giant part of what's in the prison system and making people much more likely to continue being criminals like once you start putting people in jail that's when they're much more likely to start repeating crimes the idea of punishing people by putting them in jail that hasn't really it scares the [ __ ] out of them and if they're smart they don't do it again but it also introduces them to a bunch of other people that are [ __ ] criminals and they all get together and they talk and they figure out what the [ __ ] they're going to do together once they get out of there and that's that's a a way of turning a person who just wants to sell something that should be legal into a [ __ ] Criminal by putting him in a cage and what all of a sudden they're figuring that out this is crazy yeah the government always seems to be a few uh a little behind on the uh you know on on what uh you know they're they're always the last ones to show up and say yes to or to something or no they have to cover every angle at it they have to realize that they can't control it and then they have to figure out how to make money off it yeah but this is uh this seems like a shift if it seems like a shift in in just the way they communicate about it um I mean these are new reforms aimed at curbing us prison population there's a big article on on uh the guardian about this this is uh it's pretty crazy [ __ ] the the tobacco company I can't even talk the Tobacco Company probably went to the government was like look we're losing shitloads of money because you're doing you know [ __ ] all our crops up you know making cigarettes so bad we want to get in this weed game and you know like maybe that's like a way for maror and all these companies to get keep uh keep alive well it's not just just that it's also the projected Revenue tax revenue from legalizing marijuana is giant it's billions in every state I mean it's the projected tax revenue it sounds so crazy but it's really true it could fix the United States economy that sounds [ __ ] nuts but it really could there's so much money involved in marijuana and
right now it's all slipping through the cracks it's all going on either illegally or it's state as a sort of a thing and then they get eventually busted by the DEA because it's not federal if they ease up that it changes our whole culture it's going to change everything and once people realize all the things you can do with marijuana that don't involve getting high when you when they realize the the the benefits of hemp which has been illegal forever in this [ __ ] country since the 1930s as long as marijuana's been illegal we can't grow hemp and the non psychoactive form of marijuana so the stocks of mar marijuana make insanely good paper they make tremendous building materials that are biodegradable and last forever and are stronger than steel it's really it's a Nutty [ __ ] plant like it's got essential amino acids in it you can eat the protein from it does it get you high or no oh it can get you high but I mean the stock the stock doesn't no I mean you get the female flowers will get you high so what you're getting when you get hemp it's you're either getting various strains um or which which are like you would I think technically you wouldn't refer to it as a cousin but it does get referred to as a cousin all the time but people correct me online so just that caveat but it's essentially the male version of the plant and variations of the male versions of the plant and that doesn't have any psychoactive properties to it but you can make [ __ ] ridiculously strong rope with it like it's a weird plant like you'll take a stock of this stuff right I've seen it like this thick it's light like Styrofoam but hard as a [ __ ] Rock it's weird it's a weird [ __ ] plant it's like no plant that exists on Earth it's really almost like it's an alien it's such a strange plant and it's so beneficial to humankind the fact that it's illegal is a just outside of the psychoactive effects if it had no effect on the human body whatsoever just for its your you ability to use it in building materials the ability to make clothes and paper and oil and Henry Ford's first [ __ ] car had hemp the the the all the body panels were made out of hemp and it ran on hemp like he would make oil from hemp and run engines on it I mean you can do so much [ __ ] with it it's it's almost a joke like if
you look at all the different things you can do with it and how could it be legal how could it be illegal rather you wonder why there are certain thing like I wonder why we can't go to Cuba there are certain things the government does that it's like at a point it's like what the [ __ ] are you doing like after a while it's like enough is enough of these little thing like why can't I do that I'm not a baby we're not babies and I think that's what these things are realizing there's a push by the American people and there's a transparency that the American people are demanding and under the weight of things like Edward Snowden and uh Bradley Manning you all these these documents are get released where people are seeing the actual inner workings of the government they have to make some radical reform if they want to keep a hold of us because there's a lot of people that are upset right now finding out about the NSA watching every single American is if we're all bad well how about all of us who do can I can it be like the TSA can I get a TSA Pre where you know that I'm not a [ __ ] terrorist so you stop reading my email dickwad can I can we make that deal I have mixed feelings about the NSA I and part of me loves that they did that because the American people have become such what bothers me about Americans is we've become such nosy pigs into each other's lives and there's nothing an American loves more than violating the privacy of somebody else true nothing we love more and now all of a sudden we don't like it because someone's invading our privacy like I believe I get the difference of the government doing it's awful but I mean on on just a the principle of it where were all these [ __ ] people and I've said this before crying about privacy when they couldn't get enough of Mel Gibson's private voicemails or Alec Baldwin's phone calls or Tiger Woods's private text now I understand we look at them as entertainment value but people also are comfortable seeing those things and making judgments and treating people a certain way because of them so they didn't give a [ __ ] that anybody else's privacy was violated however their privacy is sacred so I kind of like Google Glass and I like this it evens the playing field just you know like [ __ ] uh betrayus the head of the CIA
couldn't [ __ ] some chick on the side when he's married to Michael Moore how depressing is that and no one gets away with anything anymore so I wish the American people uh would stop being so nosy and minding everyone's business but their own and I would completely be against the NSA but until that happens [ __ ] them I love the fact that their privacy is being violated too and they can see how it feels wow that's an angry Jimmy Norton not even angry just tired of the not I'm not even mad about it I know what you're saying I agree with you to a certain extent that self-righteousness that people have like with Paul Adine they're comfortable allowing her to be lynched publicly and no one is stepping up and going you know what I've said some shitty things we no one expresses that Honesty in themselves and gives each other breaks on inappropriate things that we say or little we're allowing moments to Define who people are and we all have the moments yes it's it's nuts and we might not have the moments to the that varing right exactly that that degree of of [ __ ] up atude yeah you know like I know she did a lot of I don't know what Paul Dean actually did but if you listen to what the people that work with her she sounds like she was a funny racist all white lady yeah I don't know I wouldn't I wouldn't I I wouldn't want to even guess of what it would be like to be a black guy working for her and hearing that [ __ ] come out of her mouth did she say when work though I don't know if she did or not supposedly allegedly who the [ __ ] knows I I mean that's what I read that's what people are accusing her of unless you're there who knows and you're you're also dealing with disgruntled employees wins Paul Dean wins the racial suit that destroyed her how does she win see her black friend that she hangs out with oh she's got black friends now it's good move big black guy with a hat he's probably got a [ __ ] what is the uh the Judgment what does it say uh it says that the the original lawsuit uh a judge ruled that Lisa Jackson had no right to claim racial discrimination because she's white any comments that Dean or her cohorts may have had had no legal consequence to oh so she tried to claim ra racial discrimination and she was white she was
just trying to get paid yeah seem what a dirty [ __ ] yeah so but she destroyed Pauline's pretty much Paul's yeah nah she'll be fine she's ruined think oh yeah because because again no one you see Matt low that [ __ ] jiz bag that sanctimonious interview he did with her yeah that wasn't nice but he couldn't like where was this where where was one ounce of honesty in this guy like maybe you've never said that word but are you going to tell me you've never in your life under oath you could say you've never said a racially insensitive thing [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah I think he's got a problem and his problem is that he's he's a talking head on the inter on television who's not allowed to have anything even remotely controversial come out of his mouth and he's also terrified because he's in that box so for him to like try to first of all you can't do that in a little conversation if you're going to have a conversation with that woman about the world about racism you're going to have to sit down with her like this you're going to have to podcast with Hine have a three-hour conversation with her find out who are you what what did you do like give me and you'll know by the end of 3 hours wor they're not she's full of [ __ ] yeah you will you'll know everyone will be able to you could [ __ ] your way through a five minute conversation on the tonight's show you can't [ __ ] your way through three hours not at all and I think this is an issue that really needed to be addressed like that it's can't like have a quick Matt L interview with this scared Lady and this scared old lady that has [ __ ] death threats coming in from black people all day I'm sure yeah you know I mean you can't you can't be a white person in 2013 calling people [ __ ] the phony outrage and it's not even from black people who get annoyed it is what I've grown to hate is other white people Patrice said it Patrice said it best he goes I've never met a racist not one person I've ever admitted Met has ever admitted they were racist and what I hate about these [ __ ] these white people whose idea of combating racism is just targeting other white people who have said something inappropriate is simply their way of deflecting attention from themselves and their own I I think they have
superiority complexes and I think like I can't walk up to my black friends and tell them hey I'm not a racist but if Paula deine acts like one then I can use her to mirror how good I am it's a self-serving proposition and I hate it and I don't buy it I just don't buy it man yeah I agree with you that there's a a lot of people that love to do that moral High Ground thing they love by not by telling you that you're doing something wrong they're not just telling you that you're doing something wrong they're telling you that they're awesome yes that's a big thing and it's in their tone and it's in their lack of the the lack of self-revealing they do in these moments and in these discussions if they revealed ugliness abouts I would have respect for them like why am I comfortable talking about uh Pat O'Brien's dirty voicemails or Tiger Woods's dirty text messages because I talk about my own like I'll make fun of his but I'll tell you that I I also have texted my [ __ ] to many people I'm a piece of [ __ ] so I'm not coming from I'm not better than him and I refuse to come off like that yeah there's a real problem with people thinking that that you need to be better than people too it's like and especially pretending that [ __ ] never works no claiming the moral High ground and becoming the super white knight and pretending that you know you're there to defend all women it's this [ __ ] doesn't work no never works the type of women you get for faking that [ __ ] I mean you might really be that guy and if you are God bless you but if you're Faking It who you going to trick uh one average girl with glasses and a stupid tattoo with words on her arm [ __ ] boo rotten [ __ ] stupid baggy jeans yeah you're not going to get much out of it have you ever uh banged a feminist um I'm sure I have um you know uh yeah I've banged some very I like strong women a lot I don't like I am strong I am Invincible yes I like that type of woman a lot you a lot of them are sexual submissives like lawyers that I've [ __ ] have been sexual submissive female cops cuz they're very strong and uh you know they like something different not all I'm sure but I have nothing against the feminist if she's reasonable and she's fighting for women to get what they deserve I'm for it when
they language police and they nitpick because their cause is not as needed as it was 20 years ago then I hate their guts like any other special interest group but when they're fighting for what's right and legitimately getting the right amount of money and like I don't think women should be sexually harassed at work like these guys that like this [ __ ] [ __ ] in San Diego who's grabbing women and being a complet piece of [ __ ] and saying he didn't know [ __ ] that guy like one of those women's husbands should [ __ ] hit this guy with an axe yeah yeah it's it would be hard to imagine your wife being at work with some Lech all day he's like constantly harassing her bothering her and brushes her [ __ ] by her when he walks by her in the hall you know that kind of [ __ ] that happens to people at work and people go look I was just walking by you know what's a big people are always being [ __ ] but that's a [ __ ] it doesn't matter if he's a man or a woman you know I think uh I think the idea of feminism is a good idea as the idea of masculinism that's a good idea too and I don't think it's a real word but if it was a real word it' be a good idea there's nothing there's nothing wrong with you being allowed to be you and me being allowed to be me and we're kind of be [ __ ] different that's why the world varies so much that's why movies vary and music varies and stand-up comedy varies there's people that like all kinds of different [ __ ] but a lot of men don't want women to be women and a lot of women don't want men to be men they want them to be what they want them to be and when when you have when you have some [ __ ] who wants you to be a certain way and you you have to work for that dick and you're a woman that's a special place in hell I mean that's a [ __ ] horrible place in hell but it has nothing to do with this it's not a sex thing it's not an all gender thing it's that that guy's a piece of [ __ ] yeah he has a piece of [ __ ] you just found a piece of [ __ ] it just happens to be a man but guess what if you're a man and you have a [ __ ] boss and your boss is a woman and she's a [ __ ] [ __ ] I have a friend who has a woman boss he actually just left his gig but he had this woman boss who brutalized him just wouldn't just wouldn't leave him alone it was just
like giving him cancer it was just like rotting at him like all day every day with someone who you couldn't talk back to who was just [ __ ] with you and pestering you and berating you and insulting you and there's not a damn thing you can do about not a damn thing you can do about it she was talking to him in a way that a regular man would never like a man in the street that did you didn't owe anything to would never talk to you unless he was ready to fight yeah but she would just get in his face and point at him and say crazy [ __ ] to him there's nothing he could do knowing there's nothing he could do and that's why she was doing it yeah yeah I mean she would ask him if he was stupid are you stupid are you stupid like and like wow I have to listen to this you know there's nothing you can do about it you're just stuck that shouldn't be right and it shouldn't be right for any human being to do that to another human being he should have said stupid is as stupid does giving her a cocky look so in that sense yeah I'm a feminist in a lot of ways I'm a masculinist I'm a humanist I think we should be able to do whatever we want the problem is when you start looking out for your own when you start looking out for a gender a generalization you start going towards one gender only emphasizing that one genders inequities inadequacies in in our society the problem is you you become a gang and you become a part of a team right and but the thing is it's a dish what I hate about people so much is they say uh because they're they're not consistent like I don't everything should be the same and and I don't want nothing should be different unless you're talking about diversity then it's good um I don't like any kind of profiling it's wrong unless of course it's a it's an ethnic Pride Parade then we can all profile and it's a delightful idea I'd be proud to be Irish so people only want Grand sweeping generalizations when they're a part of a good Grand sweeping generalization if they're a part of it like it's funny I go through TSA security and they're now saying anybody Under 12 or over 75 does not have to take your shoes off and I have not heard one person complaining about age discrimination I'm over 75 why am I not being treated the same as these
other people I have not heard one [ __ ] parent saying my kids's Under 12 why aren't you treating them like everybody else it's only when we're treated in a manner that we don't approve of that we take this principle of hey don't treat me differently it's it's it's arbitrary and it's [ __ ] so that's why you can't respect any of it makes me crazy yeah I'm I'm not a big fan of group I'm I'm really not a big fan of groups that focus on one gender I'm not a big fan of generalizations I'm not a big fan of a lot of things I'm certainly not a big fan of anything where anyone who is the weaker is getting bullied whether it's a physical whether it's a sexual thing or a physical thing or a man bugging a woman I have a sister I have daughters I have a wife I I I 100% know it's way more difficult to be a woman than is to be a man in a physical sense and I think there should be laws about that [ __ ] ABS [ __ ] lutely I think that men who do abuse women or who do uh sexually harass them they're [ __ ] creepy people creepy but so are women who do it to men and the idea that that's not the case the the idea that a situation where a man who uh gets taken by a woman in a divorce in some [ __ ] horrible way where you know you find I mean I I can go into this for days but I'm sure we all know guys who just been raped and divorced some of us do radio with him every day crushed yeah Anthony got murdered I know some I know a guy who lost Millions I know my favorite story I even talked about him on my ACT he had to pay for his wife's attorney of course and his wife dragged the the thing out for years so he is paying for the enemy's General so he's going to war for all of his money and it C it wind up costing him everything I mean it was just a devastating several year event that she wouldn't she doing it on purpose to try to drag it out to try to to milk him when you see [ __ ] like that you think like okay men should have rights to okay yes absolutely he's not in a sense it's not the same thing as him being raped absolutely but he's being financially destroyed and he's someone's doing it in a spiteful way and they're doing it because they just grew to hate him or whatever the [ __ ] it was but there should be a law against that like they didn't even have children like
it was one of the craziest things I've ever seen in my life when you find out what happens that if a man and woman are together for x amount of years then he has to pay for her for the rest of her life yeah but he doesn't get the [ __ ] her that's the beautiful part like she's like well I have a lifestyle he's like well I was expecting I I I was used to getting blown and having your ass on my face how about that what we're used to you remember Chris Rock's bti about that you know about alimony and [ __ ] payments yeah he had he had a whole book book about it like I believe in Alo but I also believe in [ __ ] payments yeah this you you know there's all sorts of inequality in this world both projected towards women and projected towards men and there's all sorts of [ __ ] in the world both women and men there's just [ __ ] and that's our real problem in this life it's not lumping ourselves into groups and generalizing that all women are good and all men are bad or vice versa that's crazy too what's what's important is recognizing that there's really only three types of people in the world morons [ __ ] and people that are all right you know you might not agree with them you might not like them you might they might not be your style they might be different morons [ __ ] and people that are all right that's really all there is in this world we're also paying for the sins of a lot of other people sure like for centuries let's you know white American men dominated everything in this country and then like you know there's also a reality of a lot of people were treated like garbage for a long time and a lot of promises were broken and there's a reality to that that's not excuse making it's not it's a real thing and and then they say well you know white people have benefited from that system even to so what's happening is in an effort to balance the [ __ ] playing field a little bit a lot of us today are being treated unfairly because The Balancing Act is making things go so far and like I do understand that like that's why I had a a conversation after uh tsh's uh uh and who did the gay oh Tracy's gay jokes and I had couple for folks who don't know Tracy Morgan did a joke about if his son was gay he would stab him yeah and
everybody went crazy and I had a couple gay comics on uh Rick Chrome and Jim David and we talked about this on this comedy special I did and uh as comedians I asked them how do they feel about the imbalance in the language like the fact that you get in trouble for that now and Jim David said I'm okay with it and uh I'm like well how are you okay with There's a comic and he goes because it's not a Level Playing Field meaning what he thought was like in life gay people are not treated as well so he didn't give a [ __ ] if if that guy got in a little bit more trouble and I kind of I heard what he said there like even though I don't want to get in trouble for it in that sense he was right it's like you know we still have a big segment of our country that can't get married and are treated like second class citizens but yeah we go around and tell other countries how to live their lives we're so full of [ __ ] it makes me nuts well I think that there's a real legitimate argument in the uh idea that until it balances out until everyone completely relaxes on discrimination towards gays like like there's no discrimination on Bachelors anymore you know like if a man is a 50-year-old man he says I'm just not getting married again there's no discrimination or social he's not a social Pariah but if he decides to marry a man then it is like well what what is that and why is that not eradicated from our culture yet well once that is eradicated from our culture then I think people are going to be much more likely to accept gay jokes much more like cuz I keep hearing that gay jokes are homophobic and I'm like guess what no they're not it's not homophobic at all it's a gay joke just like jokes about straight sex aren't heterophobic all right they're jokes about sex and there's there's jokes about everything and it's really about context it's not about the subject matter and you can't eliminate certain subject matters you just can't because the human language is a very Nuance there's a lot of [ __ ] going on and every single interaction that you have where humor could potentially be crafted from it can be taken into a whole wide variety of different ways and I like all those ways I like people saying [ __ ] up [ __ ] they don't really mean sure I think there's
something funny in Tracy Morgan saying if I find out my son was gay I stab that little [ __ ] and it's ridiculous it's not it's ludicrous right it's not real of course he wouldn't do that of course it would be you know it's it's ridiculous the idea that it's like I do a joke in my act like guess what Johnny Cash didn't really shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die either maybe it's I don't think he did he might have more likely that he did it than Tracy Morgan would stab his son stupid Johnny Johnny Johnny Cash probably should have said I took some pills and fell asleep on the tour bus that would probably be more accurate but I get what where gay people are coming from too though because it's not a Level Playing Field so when you see like all this like it's almost like [ __ ] on people when they're down like here's a perfect example like um this this Opie thing that's going on yes with this uh if you don't know Opie many years ago stomped on this homeless guy's cake and he thought it would be cute to put it online and people are so [ __ ] mad at him cuz it's a really douchy thing to do it's been online for years though he just retweeted I think but it's it's been up since for seven years but the fact that he well what people didn't like is people have a sense of humanity and they look at this guy and he's a homeless guy he's [ __ ] down and out and here's this millionaire radio DJ who thinks it's funny to stomp on his cake like you know what I mean in that context like I that and that's something that unfortunately you can't like what would we would do a walk over from krock every day which you did with us and that guy was uh was andw and he was a guy we saw every day he was a guy we talked to we had on the air we gave money to him we would give him food like we had a really good relationship with this guy I think that's why he was offering cake because we had stopped by so many times and handed him food he had some cake and oped it a dick thing but it was just it was literally just to make everybody laugh it wasn't to dehumanize this guy or to degrade him it was something he would have done to anybody else that he knew and I know that that made people go well too bad but the reality was the context of that relationship with Andrew the homeless guy was not some hey bum
here's some money we can do what we want it didn't feel like that it didn't come off like that but he got really depressed after Opie stomped but he had just started drinking again too we were trying to get him sober and uh I think that's a good way to do it step on his cake well you know it was a piece of [ __ ] cake anyway it was a [ __ ] it was garbage I see you're you're supporting oie and I'm friends with Opie too I'm supporting Opie only because I was there through that entire walk over with Andre and I saw him 50 times before and after that so in context yeah I I I would have been [ __ ] it was it was cringy and I was like oh God did he give him anything after he stomped on his cake did he give him any money of course he did we gave him I think he gave him like a $100 and then people were going that wasn't good enough they like this is what I'm saying they're like oh you could dehumanize him and give him a 100 bucks but it wasn't looked at like nobody felt like wow he dehumanized this guy because he was somebody we talk to all the time and had great interactions with so that's why it didn't feel like I understand people seeing it though and going oh what the [ __ ] is going on you piece of [ __ ] like I get seeing a one and a half minute clip maybe I would feel the same way if I didn't have the luxury of having been there throughout that entire time well what was see here's a perfect example if if that homeless guy was getting an argument with another homeless guy and the homeless guy jumped on his cake then it would be okay because it's one homeless guy getting over on another homeless guy and stomping on his cake but when a millionaire DJ guy does it look I know what he was doing and I know what that that audience is like when you're when you guys are opian Anthony's my favorite show ever to do because it's such a hang and everybody's making everybody else laugh and it's like what we were talking about before the show today it's like what what's okay for you and I to talk about in our jobs like as standup comedians for most people that that those same words and thoughts would get you fired would get you kicked out of the office you get written up you can get sued you can't have that sort of mentality but for us it's so normal so when you're hanging out with Opie and
and Anthony kumia and you guys are just talking mad [ __ ] and you're on the air as you're walking across the street and you're just trying to make each other laugh and one of the things that people do when they try to make each other's laugh is they cross the line they completely brutally cross the line and that's the way to do that there you brutally cross the line you got to jump on the homeless guy's cake and Opie you know in doing that it sounds like a copout on my part because he's my friend and I I would never have done what he did but I know what his motivation was it what exactly and your our audience will accept a lot but honestly there is a Humanity to them like that Homeless shopping spree we would do the homeless guys would never mistreat like lit they would treat like rock stars they would go to the mall thousands of people would be cheering them buying them [ __ ] they're people we had gotten to know so it it's like the people men oh then they would do this homeless shopping Spring right it's like they weren't it didn't feel like oh my guy it felt like a [ __ ] up thing to do but it didn't feel as literal as oh my God he's a millionaire stepping on the food of a homeless man because I don't think that was the intent behind it other than just being a dick in that moment to a guy who he knew we had given food money to and we were going to give money to it's like I know what you're saying he knew it was just a momentary dick thing to do and he did it in the sense to be silly not to humiliate Andrew nobody wanted to humiliate the guy the problem is when you see things out of context it's like you were talking about earlier about Paul Dean you don't know the entirety of a person when you see one event oh op's a great guy we had him on the podcast he's a great guy and I uh I always credit you guys with being the reasons one of the reasons why I wanted to get into podcasting in the first place it was because of doing your show because your show was the only show that I'd ever done where it was just no there was no like rigid set of like this is this now and then we're going to go to the wacky five at five and then there Bob on the chopper there was nothing it was a hang it was a complete total every time I've ever done it whether it's with Burr or with I mean [ __ ] how many times
have I done it I've done it so many times with so many different comics with Rich or with I didn't never got to do it with Patrice the only thing I did with Patrice was when we did that thing in Vegas together which was a lot of fun too oh wow yeah that's how I got to hang with Patrice is the only time I really got to hang with him outside of like seeing him early on in the day when I didn't even know him he was one of my favorite people even though he was very dominating and would Y no one could out Yap Patrice loudness but he so much fun to do radio with like he was one of my favorite guys ever uh because to make him like if you made him laugh he you knew you were funny he didn't give it to people for no reason he didn't give pity [ __ ] he was just too unconcerned with hurting people's feelings to do that he didn't care um and one of my favorite things with him is I convinced him that face off was a shitty movie and that's one of my it's one of my favorite moment it happened to Carol it was John Travolta and Nick Nick Cage who he was arguing against he loved it he loved it and I [ __ ] convinced but it was a fun friendly to watch him go like oh H like to see him give in made me it it was one of my favorite moments of all time in that just to see this this because he was such a giant of a guy intellectually like the greatest mistake people could make with Patrice was to think ah he's a big loud black guy Patrice was a brilliant [ __ ] and could out talk almost anybody and could out logic almost so to when you when you had moments like that it was friendly you know it wasn't like an aggressive argument you like God that just was one of the most satisfying moments of my career yeah well it's the opportunity to be around fun people like that the rare human beings that you don't necessarily come across in if you have a regular job if you're working as a an insurance salesman how many Patrice o'neals do you come across in your life do you get to hang out with just probably calling they're late on their payments quite a few i' think oh one more thing by the way before I forget I wanted to say about Opie too uh about homeless is uh you know he's the one not that it matters but he's the guy that pushed homeless mustard through a Daniel mustard and uh and tried to get
him a recording contract and like really tried to take care of the guy that's that guy sang that song Creep creep that gu is really talented he is talented but it's like and Opie took a real concern with him and his sobriety and again I'm not saying people don't I'm not trying to say don't be mad be mad but again don't think you understand the totality of a guy because he did one silly thing in a different context to make his radio guys and some fans laugh you're so good at breaking [ __ ] down dude you you said that there was not a hint of bias there you were being completely honest about it that's I really value that in h the way you talk and uh that's why I was really happy when uh I watched that Cal Bell show oh yeah M Cal Bell Cal totally biased Bell yeah um which was W Cal Bell you and uh Lindy West Lindy West who's a a feminist blogger for Jezebel which is a feminist website and what I loved about it man was first of all you never got upset you you were rational and logical and you had you were you were talking about it in a very measured way and you're being really friendly while you're discussing this and you know in her in her defense it's a very tricky subject to to breach for a woman and she was saying a lot of [ __ ] like comedy clubs or filled with rooms filled with angry men and you didn't you didn't even Flinch you didn't you didn't go after her you know she had like these digs about like you know you're allowed to just joke about it but I'm allowed to tell you you're a dick I didn't think it personally because I didn't think she she hadn't the blog wasn't about me was about a guy who any guy making a dick joke or rape J certain rape jokes that put and this is the tricky part of Lindy West because a lot of people would say she's against she's for censorship but she really wasn't she was about she didn't like the jokes that she thought minimalized the victim in a rape now it's hard to logically say well yeah minimalizing the victim of rape is a good thing but you know what what people forget they went after Sam Morel a lot of jokes are just Mis he's a comedian in New York who had done some like domestic violence jokes or whatever but in a misdirection joke you you go for the the the most OB obvious uh or opposite thing so sometimes it is violent yeah sometimes like I did one joke and this
didn't come up in that show but like I was talking about uh seeing at a girl now I don't know if she had a good time or was raped in a portapotty I'm not going to go through the whole joke before but those were it was at a concert an outdoor concert so the two most opposite things I could think ofh if I said I didn't know if she had a good time or not a very good time who gives a [ __ ] [ __ ] you raped in a portapotty uh you're painting a picture yeah if I said I didn't know if she was beaten in a portapotty or raped in a porta potty nobody would have laughed because they're too close so the fact I I'm explaining this to the the audience not to you the fact that you take two things that are such polar opposites sometimes the polar opposite you land on for the joke is a horrible thing that minimalizes the victim and uh every Catholic priest joke is somehow minimalizing the victim part comedy does that and I don't believe that it has to just be speaking truth to power I think that's part of it but I think that as long as your intention is genuinely to be funny and not to humiliate a person for real um I think it's allowable and it has to be because it gets to be too subjective after that well it's an art form and if you don't like that art art form I completely and totally understand that you don't have to particip to participate in the shows you don't have to go but when you're you're being like hypercritical about it and trying to get people to stop doing it you're going to make it so that that art form is not available like the really [ __ ] up thing that you don't mean art form is not available just like rap music what is going on in rap music are they really running around killing people and selling cocaine every day no most of what they're doing is talking [ __ ] about something it's no different than the movie scarf nobody really died in that movie okay you're you're painting a picture it's a gross horrific picture but some people like that they like to watch Scarface they like to listen to rap music they want to hear a dirty comic say horrendous inappropriate things that are [ __ ] up one of my favorites is Otto Otto and George he would say some of the most [ __ ] up ridiculous over-the-top [ __ ] but the reason why I did it is because that's
like what shocks the [ __ ] out of you and makes you laugh when you least expect it and it was like well crafted in on top of that he made me laugh harder than anybody's ever made me laugh in a club we were doing a pizzeria in Pennsylvania and he said something it was it was barbarism and it made me it it was because the the imagery was such it was a it was it was such poetry that he flew off the top with and it was awful and uh have I ever told you the story no and it was it's it's it won't like it won't hold like if I say it now it's not going to be the greatest joke but the beauty of it we were in a pizzeria it was an awful gig and um it was it was uh it was like with like real Pizzeria bench seats it's stunk right and uh there was a bar next to it and I'm watching 's just up there [ __ ] struggling and hating it and in the middle of this dirty act the Booker's girlfriend walks down the aisle with his her seven-year-old son which was so inappropriate and everybody looked and it just derails the show and Otto uh just said uh you know because everyone looked at this so the [ __ ] the puppet addressed it right um and said uh oh isn't I isn't that cute I'd like to grab him by the ankles and smash his skull onto a [ __ ] sink and it was a Caligula reference to the end of Caligula and it made me the the the the speed at which he put those words together and the the the violence attached to that uh and the imagery of that it I've never laughed harder at anything anybody's everever said in a comedy club because I knew what had just happened is it was just I immediately saw the end of Caligula where they they grabbed the ankles and they smashed the [ __ ] head into the steps and I'm like the genius to pull that out in this moment and word it that quickly it just it was it was it was Beauty it was Beauty but it was a horrible thing and nobody left of course they didn't this is a Philly Pizzeria nobody understood how funny that was if he had just said that and I hadn't seen Caligula I might not have laughed as hard but the fact that I immediately saw what he did with it I was just I wanted to hug him for that I'm like you brilliant brilliant guy he's a brilliant [ __ ] man he's a very funny guy and his style of Comedy much like dice's style of Comedy is ridiculous over-the-top things they
don't really mean like dice has some bit about about how a woman gets pregnant and it's it's it's one of the most hilarious ridiculous bits because it goes into like this medical or how you can make a gay kid like how you know like like it's so [ __ ] ridiculous it's idiocy it's complete ID but it's hilarious and for people to say that that's a homophobic joke or that's like no he doesn't believe he doesn't mean a word he's saying do you understand this is this is like an art piece that you're watching this is just a ridiculous over-the-top art piece and for you to say that it's not for you to say that I shouldn't be enjoying it well then we have to go with a fine- tooth comb over virtually all of pop culture every song we have to find out what the true meaning behind movies are what what's the implication on society because you can't just be humor it's it's it's a dumb way of looking at it because you know it's a joke if it's a standup comedy show you know it's a [ __ ] joke at least in that sense there's no excuse with a rap music with a rap song Like no it's not a joke maybe he's being serious with a movie maybe they're trying to promote that lifestyle maybe that's real it's a stand-up comedy show the only reason why people are laughing is because it's a joke well people do know that but it's unfunny people attempting to influ it's just people trying to influence what you say it's like the same mentality and I don't mean individually like let's just say the same mentality that would Target dice or that would say um you should get in trouble for a gay joke are the exact same people who would stand up and defend Maple Thorp they're the same people who would defend piss Christ and say that the National Endowment of the Arts should have paid for piss Christ because who cares tell people what that is it's it's it's it's the nea I think paid for it was an artist who pissed into a jar and he put a crucifix in it and he called it piss Christ now I don't think that that's particularly clever but it doesn't offend me on any level and here's more inconsistency is the same people was clever yeah I mean it was you know look I wouldn't mind I wish I would have thought of that I mean I just I couldn't fill a jar with my piss would have been like you know took weeks
yeah it really would it's a big jar too it's very impressive yeah it's a very it's a two keger but uh the fact that he they they support that and they're the same people who would have attacked Giuliani for going after the [ __ ] Brooklyn Museum of Art because a guy artist painted The Virgin Mary and dung so it they they would call him a fascist for that um you're you're you're you don't understand art if you attack Maple Thorp and you don't understand art if you attack piss Christ however if you attack a comic well that comic is insensitive and he's saying something racial racially insensitive or or gender insensitive and he should be attack it's inconsistent so you can't [ __ ] respect it you can't acknowledge any of it with respect it's people have to you have to leave room for art and that sounds ridiculous when you're talking about Dick jokes or any kind of jokes but you have to leave room for art cuz that's what it is it's just an art and if you don't appreciate that style of art it's no different than you deciding to go to a Metallica a show and not liking the lyrics if you don't like it you don't have to like it there's jod Mitchell's playing down the block go see that go go you know go see Cheryl Crow or go see Dave Matthews there's a lot of variety out there but at the end of the day it's something that someone creates and when Otto says you know I'd like to pick him up by his [ __ ] ankles and slam his head into a sink and you're laughing that means he delivered art to the person who likes that art and I feel the same way when I when I see like when I saw dice or when I saw you in Austin same feeling I enjoy ridiculous over-the-top humor it's my one of my favorite things to watch so when someone comes along and says you can't do jokes about violence against children because it's [ __ ] up yes you can yes you can you can even if your kid had been killed you well unfortunately for you this one hit home yeah and it's not fun to you but everybody else who doesn't have a kid that was killed by slamming their head into a sink it becomes fun for them and it sucks but you can't just stop the art form because it's going to hit you and that's one of the things that came up in that conversation with Lindy Lindy Lindy West Lindy West one of the things that came up in the conversation with
her was that she was talking about rape jokes and meanwhile she had a photo on her Twitter of Jeff Goldblum right who was in Death Wish with an with who he enacted a really horrific rape scene yeah barbaric rape scene yeah scary terrifying no joke there was no jokes involved there was no he he haha no double on tandas and yet an actor doing that in that piece of art somehow or another is exonerated from the impact and this idea that you should know that onethird of the audience I think is the the current thing that they're they're enjoying banding about when people talk about I shouldn't say they're enjoying I don't want to dismiss it but the people who really believe this believe that onethird of all women have been either sexually assaulted or raped and there's people that dispute that and there's it's a lot of it is based on a certain study from I believe it was 1987 and there was a lot of questions that are very controversial in that study like they would say if you ever had sex with someone then regretted it or we were coerced into having sex and things along those lines they called all of those rape and so then I think but I think their findings was like one and five but now people are saying it's one and three whatever the [ __ ] it is the idea that you have to like not you have to censor yourself because of the you can choose to you can choose to if that's your style of Comedy you can choose to but for you to get mad at someone who doesn't choose to it's like ooh you're this is a slippery slope and I know people don't think it's a slippery slope because you think it's all just about protecting people's feelings especially victim's feelings and I see your point but at the end of the day we are going to have to go over this whole [ __ ] with a fine tooth comb if you want to do that you can't just single out standup comedy because it's coming from one person and not a giant movie where a woman gets assaulted and beaten or raped or whatever I mean all of it has to be looked at you have to look at the whole thing see I I and I also feel like I give myself the same credit I give to the audience like I really do and it's like we all say we want to just just treat people like you want to be treated well I treat the audience with the same level of
intellectual respect that I want and I went and saw Joan Rivers and it's I'm not it's the edgiest set I've ever seen a comic do and I mean this a few years go at The Cutting Room in New York she's doing 911 jokes I mean [ __ ] brutal and I I was when I was I literally wanted to cry at the end of it because I'm like that is what we should be doing it is taking everything horrible that we experience and I mean horrible and making a room full of people laugh about it and when we walked out of there my feelings about 9/11 had not changed my feelings about rape my feelings about AIDS not one thing she said made made me value those real experiences less not one thing she said made me devalue anything made me lose respect for the horror of n nothing changed for me other than I was able to temporarily laugh at something that I knew was awful so why wouldn't I give my audience the same credit for being able to come to the conclusion I came to watching Joan Rivers well I to to take their argument it would be because you haven't been raped you haven't been murdered you didn't lose loved ones in 9/11 and that what you should be doing by omitting rape jokes is you should be avoiding triggers you PTSD triggers avoiding people freaking out and thinking about their rape while they're at a comedy show just trying to have a good time and so their their opinion is set up entirely to protect the victims of these crimes it's not like a person like you has a certain sensibility about 9/11 Joan Rivers defies that sensibility but does it in a humorous way and you walk away with the same opinions that you had going in cuz that's not really what you're dealing with you what you're dealing with is a victimization crime a crime where someone has been dehumanized and them being in the audience watching you talk about that you should be more sensitive than that so that's their argument it's a very good argument in a lot of ways my point back to them would be I do understand that but like I said whenever I talk about tiger woods' text messages I reveal my own I talk about my own I also talk about things that have injured me I talk about my own suicide attempts my own sexual proclivity like so I include well you do horrible and things that have affected me and things that haven't I don't it's not like I
exclude things and if you break down humor like that like you said fine tooth comb every single joke or 90% of the jokes you do unless you're talking about balloons or bouncing a ball have hurt somebody well you talk about uh oh my God was I drunk driving oh my God that's children being killed by drunk driving is not F if we get that literal with humor then almost all jokes Comics tell are are going to be up for uh a careful examination I think mat said it's either all orone of I won't make pedophile jokes when Kevin [ __ ] bacon can't play in The Woodsman I I won't do gun jokes when [ __ ] Hollywood can't tell me how bad guns are and then they make a movie called two guns with which I have no objection to but then don't [ __ ] preach to me about guns [ __ ] yeah exactly it's like just you know I don't care what you do as an artist leave me alone as an artist I don't tell you what to do don't tell me what to do that's all it is no it's your point is is dead on and it's a it's it's a very important point the uh the idea of censorship I can understand that people don't want someone in the audience to be impacted negatively about you making light of something that's a horrific crime that they've suffered from personally but that doesn't mean you should stop okay and it doesn't mean that you're a dick either what it means is you're saying something that hits them personally and you know then maybe you shouldn't go see Jim Norton and that sounds like a [ __ ] up thing to say but really that's that's that's the reality of the situation it's is you're what you're doing is a style of art people who don't want to be scared don't go see The Conjuring or the evil dead because they don't like I don't like horror movies how come nobody's trying to stop horror movies people that don't like them don't go to see them right so the same way should be with certain types of humor and what's when you break it down what's the worst that can happen if you see something like am I going to talk about something that they don't show on Law and Order constantly Jesus the whole thing's a [ __ ] rape murder Fest everything people like is a rape or a murder or some kind of voyerism and I will acknowledge and honor people's uh horing to violence when there's an
accident in the southbound lane and the traffic in my Lane doesn't slow down people slow down to look because they want to see it they want to [ __ ] see it on some level but they don't admit they want to see it and I hate their lack of admission well there's a weird exclusion thing too if you're you're discussing rape and you're not discussing murder you know if you e have anything that involves rape in uh a tweet or something you're you're a piece of [ __ ] or you know you should have had a a trigger warning in there like this is the attitude that a lot of people are taking about this stuff but why doesn't have why doesn't anybody have the same issues about murders you can talk about a murder you can talk like no it's very rare that people get upset at murder jokes or murder movies or anything murder but there was a Obama thing recently where Obama said that uh he could have been Trayvon Martin and I said uh you know who else he could have been you could have been a little kid that got killed by drones right no nobody right that's a I mean it's not really a joke per se but it's it's kind of like mocking him you know it's it's mocking the the idiocy of this but it's also bringing up murder it's bringing up people getting hit with missiles and their bodies exploding why is that image any less disturbing than the image of rape aren they are they equal equally disturbing are they both off the menu or why are we only going with rape off the menu how come there's like zero push to take murder off the menu their argument would be because and again this is what they would say is because rape uh murder victims or people murder is not you're not taught to be silent about murder you're taught to be silent about rape and there's a lot of rape victims who are too scared to report the crime no one is scared to report a murder unless it's a mob thing right um they're saying the perception of the crime is different and there's such a shame with it where there's not a shame with there's not a shame with these other things and again I heard what she said and I listened to it and I did get it um but I won't I don't do a whole shitload of jokes on rape victims anyway um but if that's the case and and it probably is the case then be for castration of rape rapists or or fight the fact that the recidivism
rate is so high in these [ __ ] pigs because they're being led out of jail like fight that don't worry about what D contributing to a [ __ ] rape culture nonsense and it is to say a comedian contributes to rape culture is simply [ __ ] and it's it's simplistic thinking it's a a way of saying I don't like what you're saying and I don't want you to say it but I can't come out with that so I have to find a higher reason which makes it sound like you shouldn't say it for this reason you know well even the term rape culture you know someone on my message board said uh do they have like meetings they have a magazine like is it really a culture like what what are you talking about and by calling it that by defining it in those terms calling it rape culture you would you put quotes around that it starts to be real and what I what I don't mean that it's going to encourage people to rape but I mean the idea that there's a culture that supports rape is going to be real it's going to be something that people address as if it's real regardless of whether or not it is is it real that people rape absolutely but is it real that our culture supports it [ __ ] no man most people have moms most people have sisters what we what we have a problem with in this country is a lot of people are making shitty human beings there's a lot of terrible [ __ ] parents are doing a shitty job and they're making shitty human beings and they're also raising these sh shitty human rings around a bunch of other kids that were created by shitty human beings they don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing either and no one's paying attention to their kids making a human being and raising a human being is a massive undertaking and all the people out there that are doing their best I commend you and congratulate you all the parents out there that are taking their kid to wrestling classes and marshal arts and their daughter to dance classes or what martial arts if she wants to do it or anything where you getting them involved in activities building discipline disciplining them developing their character most people don't get that in this life they don't get taught how to behave how to be a good human being the qualities and the values of friendship and and community that should
be bestowed upon children at a very early age but for most of us we have to get the [ __ ] out of the house before we can even figure out that on our own and we figure it out by friendships and we figure it out by meeting people in life and then learning from them but we're we're doing a real [ __ ] job of raising kids right out of the box and so you come into life with a deficit and that deficit manifests itself in a bunch of shitty [ __ ] Behavior whether it's violence or whether it's rape whether it's stealing whether it's whether it's plagiarism whether it's uh whether it's taking advantage of of of people in any way like what are you doing like why are you doing that why are you being such a shitty human being and that's what is not emphasized enough in our culture it's not about it's not just about making money it's not about getting ahead it's about cultivating good friendships and a happy life and the only way you could do that is to be nice those [ __ ] that are ruthless businessmen those guys are all depressed they're all a bunch of [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] taking Ambien to go to sleep abusing hookers nothing but hey easy you know what I'm talking about most of them need their throats cut like honestly I think that I think that would change a little bit if we dragged few of those business guys not all of them but a few of them into the street and killed them in the street I think that they would stop stealing people's money yeah there's a there's do I have have time to piss I'm going to piss my go your pants literally go piss out of your pants yeah I'll be right back I have to piss radio guys AR know the commercials and stuff yeah these [ __ ] got your little 15minute radio bladder yeah we used to holding it for three hours while drinking c2o coconut juice that's right C2 cocon people say Joe wian why do you drink c2o I'll tell you why this is not a commercial they don't pay me anything but they send me coconut juice it's really good cuz it's from Thai coconuts a lot of you have had coconut juice and you're like oh my God this stuff tastes like ass you're right A lot of it tastes like ass Thai Coconut's a different animal it's short it's like only like 5et tall and uh it grows in this like it's almost like a bush it's a totally different thing you know you think of
those Long Tall ones the Coconuts at the top those aren't so good but the the Thai coconuts oh it's like sweet oh yeah it's so great too like if you're like hung over or you when you wake up in the morning you're just like dehydrated chug that yeah found out from my friend Edwin the Jiu-Jitsu came in and brought a case of this [ __ ] and started handing it out to people and I go what is this i' never had it I'd had coconut juice it was gross but you know it's the best [ __ ] right out of coconut yeah that's my thing where they chop off the top and you have a little so good and you eat a little of the skin that's in there yeah yeah yeah scoop it out with a spoon that's the best if you can just hack the top off of a Delicious coconut and get a straw on that [ __ ] you know what's weird I I I just found you know I talked I think we talked about this last podcast and we talked briefly talked about it today uh I just found out like the blue cigarettes the one that we always talk about with uh that one dude in it you know the sexy guy that's smoking the fake cigarette uh Steven dwarf that company blue is owned by the third largest tobacco company oh there you go and then the second largest just bought a new company uh and that's what their thing is now that's the way they're hit hooking the kids on nicotine now we have these fake cigarettes with the cool blue lights and making them flavored so tast like watermelons so now that's how they're getting they're getting you again and then they're making it better now the kids are I know somebody that just got one of these cigarettes and she's like I quit smoking and I'm like oh that's great and I was like what do you got well I got one of these electronic cigarettes she sat there I watched her for probably like 5 hours nonstop just sucking on that thing like it was air and how about those batteries that's pretty impressive yeah those batteries last pretty well well they're rechargeable and they even have like little USB plugs so they seem like a cool technology toy yeah they have a box I've seen them they have like a metal box or a plastic box that they charge it in uh some of them some of them like yeah the ones that the one I have actually has this thing you just hook up it has a USB cable when you hook up to your uh the Jenny McCarthy one
that she's pitching she's got the opposite of the Steven dorf commercial what are we doing we're doing blue commercials for these [ __ ] people how was how was the the Gathering of the jugal did you anything crazy happen when no it was it's funny those guys uh from ICP had been really nice to me and I I was like hesitant to do that gig because I hear it's like you know you know you're the woods oh yeah I I have never watched this I can't watch myself what was this this was a TV show right this is their show on fuse I was one of the first interviews they've done their show on fuse what is it where they just watch videos and kind of mock them it's like a beon butthead thing they smooshed you in between them this is uncomfortably close yeah yeah yeah that's what was part of it to make you I think I was one of the first interviews they ever did why did they want to touch you like that while they're sitting there I don't know I think it was just for camera framing that was a shitty job of camera framing yeah they just block us all in there that's ridiculous that's like who's who's doing it their cousin I I think that they just like the uncomfortability of it the fact that it just looks weird yeah but the gather can I uh about the Gathering of the jugl was the travel to it is an Abomination um but it was a really good gig and the there's like 700 people in a tent I mean they were nice they were uh a little a bit chatty but nowhere near what you'd expected an outdoor Festival gig like I loved it and they were all [ __ ] nice um one of my favorite porn girls was there cuz she's a big fan of them and I get to see who's your favorite porn girl one of them her name is pepper ker yeah you goep peer she goes deep to the bottom of the Obscure porn star redhead right yeah B really big [ __ ] lips I want to [ __ ] I want to just I I want to wear her [ __ ] on my [ __ ] nose like there she was there she's a big fan of them yeah so that was the highlight did get backage we're friends no we don't do anything she does mostly I but I understand that she does mostly lesbian porn I have no shot at [ __ ] her um but but I still like I genuinely like her like she's cool so well there'll be no sexual and she doesn't mind you beating off thinking about her oh no she's fine with it I'm trying I'm trying
to work her up where I can walk behind her and beat off has she has she been listening to O Anda about you talking about her has she said anything about that people tweet her and she's happy that that that we we do but I've had dinner with her once and again yeah but I knew it was just going to be a hang and she was actually really nice so oh that's cool I uh can I plug my special I keep I've been forgetting plug I'm go ahead I'm going to take a Le go ahead plug away it's called Uh American degenerate and it premieres on epics on uh this month August the 23rd and uh yeah yeah I'm looking all over what an unprofessional have I look at the camera am I looking at the wrong one yeah here there's there's the uh oh they're showing me talking yeah and it's August 23rd it's on epics and if you don't have epics it's epic hd.com and you can get a free like a trial subscription so whether or not you want to keep epics is up to you but get the trial subscription online and then you can watch it whenever you want but I'm actually really happy with it um is this something that you're going to eventually like do you own this So eventually you can like sell it I will yeah cool but I want people to to go and to see it there because epics gave me money to do it and they artistically got out of my way they're amazing as far as for a comedian the the the only thing you could do better than with them as a network is just do it and shoot it yourself and put it on your own TV because they they're very very good about leaving you alone which is all a comedian wants is to be left the [ __ ] alone from a network I know that Sam Roberts is in town right now are you guys going to get to hook up and do anything when I think he's coming in tonight I probably won't see him I'm just too busy I'm doing a bunch of [ __ ] today uh and a bunch of [ __ ] tomorrow and then I go home uh and Wednesday I'm very very busy every day but I came out and I wanted to it'll be on Netflix in like eight months right but I I legitimately wanted to do promo for for this network because they've taken good care of me and you don't get many people like that anymore that give you the [ __ ] Freedom you know because every Network person wants to get their hands in your business right and they don't do
that what for you and your special for epics yeah they've been really good about it man and um the opening they were a little hes I got an opening which I was really happy like I I got someone special for my opening and they were a little like uh but uh you know it wound up working out and they left me alone and they were happy with it who's on your opening I don't want to say I'll show it I'll show I have to email you it's a secret Jimmy it is and I I should uh because last year I had aie do it and Azie and Sharon both tweeted it like they really help me out oh that's awesome but this one uh Jonathan if you're listening could you email it to me and I'll email it to Joe because I I have not uh no one has seen it there's like four people that have seen it okay I don't mean like that's big special secret nobody gives a [ __ ] but I mean I just haven't showed it I understand you don't want to let out this secret you got a secret you create you crafted something you put together a little secret but I'm going to use it to promote the special it's nice that epic is not [ __ ] with you and they're letting you do whatever you want that's the only way to do it it's it's I I've done I tried before I ever did my first Comedy Central special but it was on uh Spike first actually then it was on Comedy Central but before that there was a round I went where they went over some of my material and then were like no you can't say this no you can't say that this is no good you can't even beep that out like this it just and it got to be like all right we can't do this it's too frustrating to to have to to have to have all that stuff uh they they didn't have any content issue like L as long as you're not slandering somebody or liable whichever is the spoken word like um you know you got to be careful you can't walk up and just say things that they going to get you sued that's the only thing they car like they were like fine with it they were very hands off and uh that's beautiful it's yeah it was refreshing well you know what it is Jimmy I think that this this the the same thing that we were talking about how there's a broad spectrum of art that people like whether it's music or movies or whatever there's also a broad spectrum of uh of content distribution methods and the one that we've all been
stuck with was television 15 minutes commercial another 15 minutes commercial all these [ __ ] commercials and all these breaks and all this editing and all this censorship and all this [ __ ] they're trying to sell in between in Toyota cars and Tide [ __ ] detergent and all this [ __ ] that they're doing it's other than the actual performance itself then all of a sudden the internet comes along and then like Louis CK did you release it all you sell it for five bucks you watch the whole thing it's an entirety and then you go why would I ever why would I ever [ __ ] do it any other way why why would I try to listen to a bunch of other people try to shape it and then put sandwich commercials in it and then censor it it's like it's such a shitty way of Distributing content yeah and if became can't you're right the only way we knew was that that's all we ever had now there's a new way and Louis changed a lot of things because the networks realize that they have a certain amount of power still but that is slipping and slipping and I'm I don't think I think you could do uh an online special if you wanted to oh you did okay yeah my last one was online it was totally online I did it on I paid for it did it online and then sold it to Comedy Central so it sold to Comedy Central now and then I'm going to do another one and I'm going to do it the same way and it's like and Lou set a perfect bar too so nobody can get greedy you know because you know Lou like top shelf A+ standup comic one of the greatest you know of our generation without a doubt like between him and rock and Chappelle there's like four or five people that are the greatest of Our Generation so if he puts up a $5 special that's what it cost now that's what it cost everybody's going to do five bucks now because if somebody stepped up first and tried to do 20 and then everybody you know it would have been one of those things like how what do I price it at but he made it super reasonable wasn't just that he was the Pioneer in doing the first one like this but also that he set the bar as far as like the uh the the the expense he set it really reasonable yeah it was very smart very smart to do that I like that it's it's a good and it's it's also when you cut out all the other [ __ ] like as far as like you cut out all the other [ __ ]
as far as like um networks and commercials and putting them on you know the the the amount of production money that has to be paid off by commercials and all that jazz when you we take all that out of the equation it's like it's pretty easy to get your money back you know you don't have to sell that much to get your money back and then it becomes profitable well unless you're dealing with one of these [ __ ] uh networks or companies that want to sneak in a 30% distribution fee on top of everything they [ __ ] so many guys doing that well yeah yeah yeah well you get some backend money but they don't tell you that the 30% distribution fee which is a vig you're paying a vig uh comes off so it's like well we made $100 but no we only made 70 because the 30% distribution fee comes out I'm like What's it for well it's just a distribution Fe it's it's a non-existent [ __ ] thing so you know it's nice to be on my own uh with this one and I own it and epic is leasing it and they were amazing about it well you're you're on serious and you guys are on five days a week or sometimes four Monday Friday Monday through Friday now do you ever think about doing something on your own do you see like in the time that you're on like you guys were one of the first on Sirus satellite radio and you know in my opinion like that move that where we guys shifted over to sirious satellite radio that changed a lot of like people's ideas of like how to do a radio show because between you guys and Stern all sudden we heard swearing on a regular basis on a radio show and it became Brewer Brew show um Brewer Unleashed you you got to hear like people just hanging out and then I think that is what gave birth to a lot of podcasts but you don't do a podcast no well you know what it is I get you know I get 20 hours a week with those guys and we replay all day I have five nights a week on Aussie's Boneyard i h i host the music show and I do my own advice show once a week on Wednesday for hour five nights a week you do Boneyard yeah but it's only again you know you treetap tape it but yeah I mean my voice is heard five nights a week on boner and and again the one hour advice show I love on Wednesday like that's actually some of the most fun thank you man I love doing that love but my voice is heard a lot and I'm freed up to do my
standup which is what I want to do and I have two shows that I want to get on the air that's my new obsession one talk show and I have one scripted show um which I actually think is good and I'm ultra critical of my [ __ ] and I always think it stinks but like I'm actually happy with this so hopefully I'll be able to get it sold or do it online I'm just not big enough do it online yet I hope you never leave o Anda but if you ever did leave OA you would have a gigantic [ __ ] podcast I don't know I feel like I wouldn't and I mean maybe I would but I I feel like uh I would be like H I would be afraid to do that man like I love interviewing people though like I love doing it but um it's that East Coast podcast man they just don't trust podcasts on the East Coast no I you know what I got spoiled with radio because I'm so used to doing it that way that uh to do it my own like I love your setup here you have a bigger Studio than we do and I I love the way you you've got it set up and it's a great hang and it's well done yeah well this place I just had realized that somewhere along the line I was eventually going to have to do something so I found this office space and just over the course of a few months put it together but it's really only become functional over the last few months because for the longest time we had a terrible internet connection it's a pain in the dick to build something like this sure sure we had to get a fat pipe put in here so it's like 100 megabytes up and down it's a tremendous internet connection so now we can stream and like easy with no hiccups download things at ridiculous speeds before we were like crippled with like a shitty DSL connection there's a lot of things that go into to building one of these things or hiring people to build one of these things but it's cool to do because it's cool to like make it your way like I want a brick behind me okay let's make it bricks I want a werewolf in the lobby okay a werewolf you know I want Oak wall or oak table that's made out of 100-year-old reprocessed farmwood or reclaimed farmwood so you can do [ __ ] like that cuz it's yours yeah because you don't have to go through a bunch of producers like well what we want is the you see this thing behind me this goofy [ __ ] thing I love that thing this is this is this is created by producers I
want one of these these things on the wall these black things that look like a swaser yeah that [ __ ] they they were claiming people are claiming that's they swaser I don't mind it though you know what it's it doesn't hurt the room at all I think the whole setup here is great man and uh I I would be too nervous to do my own podcast oh you're so crazy you'd be awesome at it I I don't know I I bore myself a lot like I hate listening to myself uh unless I'm doing Uncle Paul then it doesn't sound like me at all then I can listen to it well that is the problem with doing like a lot of hours right you do a lot of hours on the radio and after a while you're like God damn it I don't have I I think that sometimes we do three in a week we do three three hour shows in a week I'll be like yeah we have but after like three like three is where I feel like I don't want to hear me anymore you know I'm tired of me so you must be tired of me too no yeah it's 20 hours a week we do and uh you know again it's draining sometimes but it's also fun but it's also developed your conversation skills and that's one of the reasons why I really enjoy you like in that uh Lindy West thing it was it was a fascinating debate you were the perfect person for that because you're so succinct with your words you're so used to being involved in uh disagreements with people that where you know how to keep things civil no matter what like one of my favorite disagreements with you was the Jessie Ventura one yeah where Jesse ventur got all Dicky with you and he he tried to get like he tried to get abusive he tried to get he put his hand on you he tried to bully you a little bit and you called him out on it it was it was really interesting yeah it's weird like I'm much more likely like you said you don't like to see weak people I don't like it either like I'm much more likely to argue with a guy who could throw me through a wall and it's not a a little man complex it's just I don't like when Paris Hilton was in she was not a good guest she was a vapid jiz bag I hated her but she wasn't being vicious and I like it's just too easy to attack her right right right he gives a [ __ ] if do Jesse Venture I did not want to have this interaction with I would have preferred it to be civil but uh the video does not tell the whole story the
audio tells the whole story but the video cuz Opie is so OCD and nuts he didn't tape all of it he taped like when it started to get heated but Jesse was more aggressive with me and uh you know when he patted me on the way out I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me but again the way for me to equal him was to Pat him and he was [ __ ] you don't want to go back that far you don't want to go back that far with Ken we can't go back to for Vietnam you said to me that we we those guys because this happened in 2004 pal so we're not going back that far you said we send our guys off to war without giving a [ __ ] and I'm telling you that's not true I'm not I I agree with you when did you go to war I've never been in the military there go so you don't know but I say pull them out of every so because I've never been in the military when we are attacked by I feel a nation we should not it should be proven first I feel we proved it you feel we didn't you also feel that [ __ ] Bush was behind 9/11 so we're always going to disagree hey don't put [ __ ] words in my mouth you feel that the US government was behind it didn't say that who do you think I just said I just govern's covering it up we have not been told the truth so you feel that well okay wait a minute all right if you'll calm down a moment you're yelling you said the f word you're the governor I'm only talking your language so you'll understand no you shouldn't bring you down down to my level bring me up to yours you know I want to solve what you said said no I want to solve what you said about you know if you're not going to let me talk I'm out the door you've been talking the whole time all you do is yell over people and you don't want to address Point by point you act like we say send our boys to war [ __ ] them we've never said that I agree with you but I want to pull them out of Germany I want to pull them everywhere the US military should never be dying for other countries I don't care K what happens [ __ ] him I don't care if Kim Jil takes this out that's not my business I just think that if we are attacked we have the right to want our military to respond so that's not some warmonger saying [ __ ] the boys send him over that's what I wanted to
address and he just he just sting there sits and looks at Jimmy why awkwardly that was a fair point I just made you were wrong when you said that I don't know I didn't listen overly you're a big guy I talked over you yes you're just now yelling at me cuz I'm not talking I'm not yelling at you I'm just yelling about your point you accused us of something so no I didn't accuse him sure you did you guys are just full of [ __ ] you're you're an interesting guy Jimmy because you're a liberal in a lot of ways but you're also conservative in a lot of ways what is that oh thank you John okay you're you're uh you know you're very conservative and rightwing in a lot of ways certainly you're also very liberal like do you do you still like do you hear what you're saying in this and you still stand by what you're saying about pulling our government our military out of everywhere absolutely [ __ ] the rest of the world [ __ ] Egypt I'm sick of giving them money when people here don't eat I'm tired of us [ __ ] telling everybody else how to live their lives and we don't do it we tell we tell we tell people don't do this don't do that and meanwhile if two guys want to get married they can't if we were not full of [ __ ] and we were consistent I'd be fine with it I just don't I just think that the rest of the world [ __ ] them but but do you really believe that we were attacked by a country um I believe talking about sending troops into other count Afghanistan not Iraq right and but did you think we were attacked by Afghanistan no but what I meant by that and this was more to this was the fact that the Taliban held Bin Laden and shielded Bin Laden and refused to give him to us um was was what I felt happened and I felt that they were they were uh complicit in allowing him to operate there so while the whole country didn't attack us I feel have they just given us Bin Laden we never would have attacked Afghanistan but you're you're a smart guy and you know that the line that you get from the media whether press releases or what have you you know it's garbage so why would you think that they really were shielding Osama Bin Laden in Afghanistan when you know what you know about Jessica Lynch where they
lied about Jessica Lynch being rescued she was kidnapped and me meanwhile she was just in a hospital in in Iraq and they didn't even fire a bullet when they got her out of there and she actually was pretty vocal about it and in that received death threats and was threatened by numerous people that she was called a traitor because she didn't go along with the company line and then of course you know the Pat Tillman story you know the difference between his brother's version of the events and his brother's version of how his son his his brother Pat Tilman felt about being in the war once he was there so different from what what the the government was saying in their press releases and then when we found out that it was actually friendly fire that killed him he was actually killed by American troops the whole thing becomes incredibly complex and and really [ __ ] up and you're realizing that someone's lying to you and they're painting a bad picture so why would you assume that they're telling you the truth about Osama Bin Laden being hid by the Taliban in in Afghanistan in that case I believed it at the time you yeah and I still I still think the Taliban knew he was there and was happy he was there but I don't I don't blame them that's they're religious Fanatics he's a religious I get it I get you ever talked I'm sorry to interrupt you but have you ever talked to Special Forces guys I know you talk to a lot of those guys like you have them on your podcast like you had that we had Chris Kyle the guy who was killed yeah would you ever talk to them about Osama bin Laden um yeah we have sure a lot of them don't think that that guy was even alive they think he had been dead a long time ago and that they just decided to use it as a a good time to say they got him that you know Benazir B that woman that was killed in a um an explosion remember that no said her name was she the one who was shot killed by who was the woman that was killed she was uh president or she was running for president God damn I wish I knew I'm such a [ __ ] idiot when it comes to foreign policy um killed anyway she said whoever this woman was she said that uh yeah that's it Benazir B she was uh killed in 2007 she said that she went to his funeral I mean uh she was a prime
minister of Pakistan in two consecutive terms non-consecutive terms wasn't she shot though was it was it was it a yeah and she she said I mean this is not a woman that has any reason to lie she said she went to his [ __ ] funeral well maybe it was one of those fake funerals honor like you know like or just [ __ ] put out maybe they knew that [ __ ] would tell so let's let's uh bring her to a fake funeral she'll talk some [ __ ] we made a fake Osama Bin Laden and then he can hide in Pakistan that's possible too it didn't really help Obama I mean like I I firmly believe I do think that he was there um and I do think that they just caught him the way they said I don't believe everything the government tells me at all but in this particular case it makes sense to me and I it's not that difficult a stretch for me to make that he was hold up there and they finally got him it took 10 [ __ ] years man like I don't see the government being patient enough or anybody not wanting to grab like Bush was getting slaughtered in the in the polls there's no way anybody would like on the Republican side would have allowed that to continue or you know what I mean well they could have grabbed the glory for it as opposed to uh under Obama's watch so do I believe that the Taliban was if it was the French government I would not have believed they were hiding him even Saddam Hussein I probably would have believed and I was originally for the Iraq War and then I'm against it I shouldn't have been for it um but with Afghanistan I feel they were much more of religious Fanatics and you see the way the Taliban are and I do think that they were protecting him and they were okay with him being there so that was why I was okay with us lashing out at them um Iraq was a mistake and I wish we hadn't gone there because I think that most of the Iraq people don't give a [ __ ] about us and I don't think American lives should be shed over that [ __ ] like I believe in pulling get them out of Germany too why are we in [ __ ] Germany it's a waste of money yeah but do you think that uh we're really in Iraq to for the Iraq people no of course not we're in Iraq to make some money they're they're in Iraq to control oil then we should say that most likely right well you can't say that because nobody's going to agree to go to war
then I mean that's been the strategy from the beginning of time that's what uh Eisenhower warned people about when he was leaving office that's what people have always said I mean did you ever read that um uh Smedley Butler uh thing he wrote he was a general in like 1935 he wrote Wars I think we both know I haven't it's what's kind of a famous piece it's called war is a racket and he wrote this whole thing about his entire career in the military being a racket and it was all about really about money about bankers and about oil companies and about all these different things where he was really he thought he was doing one thing but he was really just protecting the interests of these gigantic institutions and when you read it it's really hard to read because it's hard to wrap your head around fact that this was 193 something and it's the same now it's the same way now almost 100 years later 80 [ __ ] years later and it's basically the same you know I agree with a lot more of that than I would have five or six years ago um what's changed just just just uh you know guys like Bernie maid off and all these just growing up a little bit more or looking at things differently or reading more about you know just whatever whatever changes an opinion and over time right I'm never afraid of looking back and going oh I should have thought another way on that I don't have that's why I I don't again I don't try to convince an audience that I'm right I'm just honest about my opinion we all 500 well you're brave with your opinions too which is important you know you if you really believe it you you have a reason for believing it and you're willing to talk about it you know I think that's uh that's a that's a rare thing people don't want to do that they don't want to take chances with controversial subjects it's a very controversial subject to defend war or even to criticize War it's controversial it's like you know it becomes a it becomes a a a topic of heated discussion always I feel like uh with with the Afghan government again if if if I found out that they weren't shielding Bin Laden I would say oh God I was wrong about that well do you really find out about the Afghan government is that we pay the brother of Cary by the CIA he's a drug dealer the cia's been paying him for almost a [ __ ] decade
or something crazy like that have you interviewed sad M no he's a buddy of Jonathan's oh he knows everything about he's from Afghanistan he uh he runs Mobi he's uh he's like the Rupert Murdo of Afghanistan what's Mobi uh it's it's a media company he's a TV station there uh sodos in Afghanistan oh he knows everything about Afghanistan oh my god um and and he would he could tell you about the Taliban because he's communicated with him he knows um and uh he's a guy you would love love to have on the show he's a great guest in sounds awes really really bright guy he would be able to answer that question uh very well and he would be very accurate in whatever he said because knows those guys you know what my favorite story about Afghanistan is how they talk the Taliban into giving up the position or they how they talk the Warlords the local guys into giving up the position for the Taliban you know how they do Viagra Viagra yes they give they give him Viagra they're like guns I don't need guns [ __ ] I have 20 wives then I cannot even get it up yeah and then they're like oh okay we got you we know what you need here son all a sudden these old dudes are just naked Perpetual hardons this running these harms that they have up there what a what a barbaric way of living life they have I mean they they have these these what a lot of people don't realize about Afghanistan is if you watch uh documentaries on it or talk to people that have been there it really is like it's frozen in time like there's people that are Warlords and they control segments of the of the land and then they're bordered by other Warlords and these guys have like 20 wives and it's it's a weird wacky sort of a a way of life 15th century it feels 15th century I I don't relate to it at all and I again I don't think we should be over there interacting I just don't not that we should never have interaction with the countries but the fact that we try to throw our ideas into other people's business yeah like I don't care what North Korea does it's nothing to do with me um all that money we waste on [ __ ] other countries should be spent on American citizens and if we want Obamacare f let's take care of everybody take that billion you're given to Egypt and then [ __ ] give it back to the
American people like give people here who who have their [ __ ] pensions taken away uh you know give them that billion dollars like there's so we waste so much money and I think that the like you said the the asterisk with that should be if anybody attacks us physically our response should be embarrassingly bad like it should be embarrassingly strong and and and and devastating so I think that should be the only that should be the thing like you do what you want but if you come uh into our yard um we will uh we will blast you out of existence well I think that as childish by the way I'm sure yeah well I'm childish in a lot of ways too but as a standup comedian I think it's ridiculous for me to try to even attempt to understand what it must be like to running foreign policy just to say that like sure sure sure but if you if you look at the the entirety of the situation you would see that there would I would think that there's probably benefit in giving a lot of people money because they make you in they're indebted to you those people are indebted to you and then you can kind of do things sure you can put bases over there you can extract resources you can do all the [ __ ] the United States does sure and we can't do all that if we don't give the money and if we don't give the money and then they all s [ __ ] forming their own organizations then it's not one world power anymore like it is now like the reason why one world power works is because we put the whole world into sort of a Perpetual welfare state where the whole world relies on the United States either from military support or from financial support or something and by doing that you kind of it's it's a terrible way of looking at it but the reality is when you have these countries that are indebted to you those countries kind of owe you you can get them to do [ __ ] and stay calm and they don't try to take over the world you know they owe fuckload of money you have military bases there and you keep things on that level and when when you tell people how many bases the United States has in other countries most people have no idea there's more than a hundred different countries in in the world that have United States military presence like you hear about that you go wait a minute
what yeah and we this is what I love about us and again I love America I really do and I do think we're a great country I mean they talk about American exceptionalism I believe a lot of it and some of it I think is a bit overblown but uh I I have patriotism and pride and you know this is not about me oh [ __ ] America at all I just hate the because the same mentality that that do as I say not as I do [ __ ] trickles down into our daily lives and eventually affects us as comics and performers because the people feel comfortable being self-righteous or duplicitous and it makes me [ __ ] crazy but like we're belly aching about Snowden being what the [ __ ] do we think the Soviets are going to do we have had our door open to Soviet uh uh defectors forever right and we cry that they're keeping him of course they should keep him I don't blame the Soviets for not giving him back we're going to Huff and [ __ ] puff when all we done is say hey if you're a Defector come on over we'll take care of you we should do that not only that do you know what the reason like the the critical boiling point was where they decided to accept his uh his acceptance for his uh um application for Asylum thank you couldn't stumble through that quick enough the the United States was criticizing Russia for trying to silence political descent they were they were literally had the balls to criticize Russia for silencing political descent while the biggest like whistleblower in the history of our country is sitting in their airport and they were like really like are you guys that [ __ ] deaf Are you that [ __ ] dumb it's not deaf it's Daft right are whatever the word is are you guys that arrogant that you think that you can criticize us well we're holding the guy that [ __ ] released all those documents that proved that you guys are ling [ __ ] yeah and then the government I mean he went on Obama went on uh The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and was lying about it wasn't wasn't telling the truth about releasing the first of all he was saying that people uh are not being spied on but that's not true people are being spied on and they're telling the DEA to they're showing them how to fake a investigation so that they don't show that they got the records from the NSA they're showing them how to retroactively piece together inves an
investigation so they say well we are we arrived at our results this way if you already know someone's guilty because you have the NSA uh paperwork on them email phone calls what have you all you have to do is zoom in on this guy and then you could find the evidence and find a reason to uh to investigate him because you know he's guilty already you can just piece it together easily and and again on on were they doing that to American citizens for normal interactions or was it really for people who were using the uh loophole of being here and communicating so we couldn't get into like where the it's almost like somebody once said after 911 this the Constitution is under a suicide PCT like were they attempting to and again I don't know the answer to it were they attempting to use like America's laws kind of against it like well I'm here American citizens using the DEA the DEA was investigating American citizens for selling drugs oh it was drugs okay I didn't realize you were saying that yeah as far as I know it's American citizens I believe so I have to go over see that I don't want that I don't want to use for that right I don't want to use well not just that the real problem with is not just the fact they're catching people doing things like I'm all for you removing meth lab don't get me wrong the problem is you're also asking investigators to fake an investigation and when you do that you're asking public servants to lie and you're asking people that are in a very Noble position the position of law enforcement you're ask asking them to behave unethically you know what the [ __ ] laws are and you know if you catch someone doing something and you don't want to reveal the message in you which you caught them so you think it's okay to lie well that's a slippery goddamn slope absolutely that gets real slippery you're faking an investigation what else are you faking well I mean that opens the door to you faking evidence that opens the door to you faking a lot of [ __ ] if you think that a person is is is guilty and you can't prove it and that's always been what said that's how OJ got off that's the whole Mark Ferman thing that he might have you know people said you might be [ __ ] planting evidence there's a lot of that [ __ ] is real we see it all the time there's a million
videos on YouTube of cops that got busted planting things or stories online people get busted so that sort of mentality is extremely dangerous and that's why I'm against it yeah and that makes sense and uh you know I'm against it for it is basically a perverse reason it is just simply a dislike of this nosy [ __ ] culture we have become and it makes me crazy so I I like to see people getting it like I like to see people going oh when it's me it's different and and I and again someone could sit down and go well don't you of course I understand the difference between the government doing it and US looking a tiger of course I get that well you know sociologist have an interesting take on what's going on and it's as far as our attraction to gossip and gossip magazines and TMZ type things and celebrity gossip and what they're saying is that we are in a weird point in time where we have the largest populations big giant populations but we don't know each other anymore I mean you live in New York City you live in an apartment building right how many people live in your apartment building 45 stories a lot 45 stories of people how many is that is it a thousand 500 a thousand maybe I just don't know a thousand people think about that think about what a big neighborhood that is that's a massive neighborhood how many people in that [ __ ] building do you know literally my neighbor and a couple maybe two yeah it's craziness so they're saying that we are missing uh a need for a community and we're missing there's like a draw of like busy bodying about each other's like finding what the cultural parameters and boundaries are and establishing them by talking about [ __ ] and normally there would be like a village and everybody in the village would' be like 50 100 people whatever the [ __ ] it is and we would all kind of know each other's business and figure out what's cool and what's not cool sure but when you're in this weird situation where you don't even know the people around you and then you're watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians that fills the void where Community should be that's why people are so goddamn attracted to quote unquote reality shows as opposed to scripted shows because they know when someone's being a [ __ ] there's no script they're just
being a [ __ ] you're like oh that [ __ ] I can't believe she said that to him and they're really drawn into it because they're lacking like a real community and a real like established like group of people that you interact with on a regular basis all the time in in your village and plus Well Network TV did that to themselves by emasculating comedies and language and making everything so soft and wrapped up and palatable that it be that reality now stands out so much more part of that is what a lot of proba is what you saying and some of it is because the writing on regular television is so soft and that's again that's not the writers are probably very good but it's just such [ __ ] predictable drek all of it is such [ __ ] there's a lot of [ __ ] sitcoms especially they're the worst there's no honest language there's no honest interactions uh everything is is presented in a way that you know is going to be presented have you seen the ads for the new Jackass movie Bad Grandpa no have you seen him holy [ __ ] is it funny oh really I went to see elisium last night and they had this uh ad for this jackass film and it's so it's a film they did where they made up these scenarios and did all these little stunts but they did them in front of real people so people had no idea why it was going on I mean it is [ __ ] funny like laugh out loud funny because you don't realize as you're watching it like is this an act like what is this let's keep going straight you're getting tired yeah you shouldn't drink so [Music] much are we going to get in trouble for this they won't notice the thing that's how it looks most of the time anyway what are y'all doing w w w these are real people can look so what they did is they had some scripted [ __ ] right and then they interacted with real people that's funny that penguin bro NOP that's a great idea but watch watch some of the [ __ ] that goes on doesn't work you're oh God nothing oh oh that's hilarious I'm hungry Follow My Lan okay grandie they're going to take that child away from you I'm sorry you are sorry
you're sorry as hell you're very pretty when you're mad piss me off thank you for being here today oh what's your stripper's stage name I look like a stripper I'll just call you cinnamon want to have some fun yeah you're a pretty little girl you got it one of these girls in their grand is that weird we just never seen it so it's [Music] different watch this [Music] [Music] I don't want to tell people who are listening to this what's happening because I could probably get in trouble for describing it look at the grandpa with the cash made it rain it's [ __ ] funny I I don't want to say anything watch it on YouTube watch the that that's awesome I didn't know about but what they did was instead of making just another am I on yeah what they did was instead of making another goofy comedy they made a hilarious thing where they did it in front of people and the people had no idea so it is like a movie they do have like like a Borat sort of a situation where they use real people as they're filming the movie so great they're going to have to do [ __ ] like that yeah the same tired premises over and over again like I haven't been to uh comedy in quite a while it's been a while since I saw like an actual like sit you know one of those movies Dr you know date movies or whatever I don't I I don't I don't care I know what's going to happen you're both going to get together in the end and everything's going to be funny and yay haha I'm tired of it and everybody's tired of it that's why something like this comes along and it's just like holy [ __ ] feels different what a great idea it hits it catches you off guard the way comedy is supposed to or the way a film is supposed to it feels like oh this is fresh did you did you see Borat um I never saw it I saw parts of it I'll tell you oh wait no wait dare you I did see a lot of it I didn't love it I'll tell you why I'll tell you why because I love the Alig show so much I didn't like the parts if it were scripted um I like the the Alig show where I believe it was all real people and I didn't like the fact that a lot of it was scripted in bored but I didn't think it stunk it just I
didn't really do much for me but they kind of had to do that like to get the it was uh there was some very funny moments when he brings the bag of [ __ ] down like there was a lot of stuff that really made me laugh yeah yeah no it was amazing man uh I I I love that kind of Comedy more than anything his show the Ali G show there's a lot of people today that don't even know that much I wonder if he's like going into hiding so that he can do it again you know cuz it's it's really almost like that show will never be erased from the I mean there's no way in this day and age you could sneak that past a publicist he needs another he needs another character another character that no one has seen before but it would not just have to be another character it' almost have to be another person cuz it's too it's too the internet is too goddamn there's too much information about well you shoot them all first you shoot them all first you shoot them all and then you show them you don't shoot them week to week you could definitely do that yeah you'd have to do like one season right I know a lot about TV production considering I can't get [ __ ] on the air don't I it's amazing [ __ ] pontificating ID you were unlucky Louie I was once again somebody else does something and I just come along for the ride [ __ ] Al riding shotgun my name should be your uh your thing that you're doing that scripted is this something you created yourself yes and it's a sitcom or what is it it's a it's like a single camera comedy about me being a comic and a sex addict and uh yeah I I think it's I think it's funny and uh I like you know I have like nine episodes written Who you gonna bring it to um I brought it to a few different networks and they liked it but the problem was that Louis is a comedian they're like well we don't want because Louis which I get so I changed it to being a radio show host which I actually like a lot better um and I've just been kind of frazzled with it I just haven't done anything with it I'm so stupid what do you mean what's wrong with you I just I I I you know I don't get this stuff done like I I should get it done I have a manager I have a personal appearance agent but I don't have an agent and uh we get as much done as we can why don't you have an agent I don't know it's a good question you're so logical about
other aspects of your life yeah well see you know again because I zone out sometimes and I'm just [ __ ] online being a creep how much of your time is spent like being a sex addict so much dude how much are your daily it's hard to say when I'm doing good I'm doing good but when I'm doing bad there's been times where literally I get home from Radio at 11:00 and then all of a sudden it's like you know I've eaten and stuff but it's like man it's 8:30 I got to go to work like the whole day was wasted it's like so many of those days it's like being in a fog plus I don't sleep at all really no I'm always tired because I have [ __ ] dumb sleep apnea so you didn't you haven't done anything with your sleep apne I've done two tests um literally the only thing worse than a pedophile is a [ __ ] sleep apne a test technician those [ __ ] uh I knew what I needed and I'll never forgive the woman for not testing me for it I need an ASV machine which which handles complex apnea and um I'm finally going in for a test with a new company probably within the next few weeks but I need a mask that fits me properly like you know I need a custommade mask and there was a place that did them in Dallas but I can't find him anymore you lost weight yeah thank you I did did that make an impact on your sleep no because it really wasn't that it might have made my it might have made the uh the uh obstructive apnea a bit different which is when your throat closed up because of your tongue blocking it yeah but the central apnea I don't think is affected by weight at all what's the difference when your brain just doesn't say breathe like that's what's going on with you I have both complex like obstructive is your tongue I'll lay there on my back and my tongue goes yeah that's that horrible sound but then there's times where I'm laying on my side and I'll just go and I'll wake up and I'll realize I haven't breathed my body didn't try to breathe so what happens is I wake up with an intense itch somewhere like in my neck or my stomach or I have to piss or I wake up like and because your brain sends adrenaline to your heart to wake you up because you're not breathing wow and what is the cause of that oxygenized there's something off with
that um they don't know completely uh the central apnea is a newer one that they're addressing um obstructive they've done a lot with Central apne they don't know as much about and uh The Masks are okay but it's hard to find a mask that you're totally comfortable with you know because the the uh for the ASV machine is a very Advanced machine and it monitors your breathing and when I'm not attempting to take a breath it will do it for me and it will force the air in whereas most CPAP machines just are patterned sh so they're kind of patterning your breathing just to keep your throat open so your tongue doesn't block it but the the the breathing so this ASV machine has to do that and it has to calculate when your brain isn't trying to breathe it's a really [ __ ] weird frustrating situation cuz I'm an insomniac anyway so I can't fall asleep with the mask do you think any of this has to do with is there any psychological things going on sure I'm sure some of it the falling asleep part is like when I'm acting out sexually I don't sleep as well like if I'm jerking off to videos right before it [ __ ] my mind up man like when I'm when I'm off sex [ __ ] for a week or so and I'm not jacking off and I'm not obsessing it's like my brain goes and I can breathe and think think normally and live normally but when I am constantly [ __ ] getting that dopamine drip like I literally was recently I kept jerking off before sleep and I wasn't coming I would just get I would Edge I would get myself close and then stop and then get myself close and I realized this the other night I feel high like I'm getting myself [ __ ] high like I'm like a chimp or a [ __ ] Geral going for a little [ __ ] I'm just I'm going for this High feeling and then I can sleep it's sickening how long have you had this issue my life it's long before I drank long before I did drugs there was this so um you know the sexual [ __ ] like the jerking off didn't start till I was like 10 or 12 or whatever it was but uh the edging I don't come a lot of times because that's the end of the high that's the end of the road so it's like I just keep it going and I keep it going because then you don't know where it's going to go and I don't come for days or weeks on
end because I'm like well like we a week on it I should say um cuz when I come I piss more cuz my [ __ ] prostates all [ __ ] up cuz I've been edging it's a disaster dude prostate [ __ ] up because you don't come yeah when I when I when I when when I start and stop and start and stop and start and stop and I finally come then I have to piss like an animal um you know what I mean I think it just [ __ ] you up a little bit I don't know exactly what that is I don't have so this but this is obviously something that you don't like about yourself I hate it you know I hate it but but you joke joke around about it and you make a lot of comedy about it because it's there it's always present but have you ever thought about doing something to stop it oh yeah without a doubt man what would you do um I would need to go to a certain certain 12ep meetings which I've attempted to go to or I've gone to talk to people in those fellowships that that get it and understand it and don't go ah you're just a guy being a guy like they get it man like you know um and I would have to just stop doing it like it's really difficult because it's like you act out like if I drink I drink if I get high I get high of course I don't do those things but sexual [ __ ] is thought and it's like food is really hard because you have to eat to live but with sexual [ __ ] you know it's if I'm if I start thinking it that trigger stuff and it's really really difficult to not fall into that pattern uh I could offer you something um I could offer you I don't know if you could do it but what you should think about doing is an iasa session what is that iasa is a is a shamanic session in in Peru usually they do it in Peru or Brazil you could do it in America but it's not legal where you're you're doing this uh combinatory psychedelic drug that allows you to look at your life look at the issues that you have that's wrong it's not a drug like that it's not a drug like it gets you high and [ __ ] up it doesn't get you [ __ ] up it it shows you what's going on with your life it'll show you all the it's the recidivism rate like the the rate of fixing recidivism and and things like heroin addiction and it's one of the best cures ever that and there's another one another psychedelic drug called ibaan ibaan if you know anything about
Hunter S Thompson that's what he accused Ed musky of being on during the uh was 1970 political campaigns he was presidential campaigns he was uh he wrote some stories in the Rolling Stone saying that there was rumors that Ed musky had brought in a Brazilian doctor and he was high on ibaan wow I never heard that but ibaan is actually a different kind of drug than what he was describing it's actually a self-reflective drug massively effective at curing people with addictions I have a friend who had an oxycoton addiction and he was really [ __ ] up he' hurt his back started getting on oxycotton then developed a real problem it's incredibly physically addictive and he did IA gain once cured him of it he's never touched it since and now he runs uh an iaan Center and and helps people with it there's the problem with me too A lot of it comes down to lack of willingness it's a lack of willingness to act like I intellectually I know what I have to do yeah but you have a pattern in your mind that needs to be reset and you could reset your mind slowly over time or you can reset it in one big [ __ ] dump of information like a DMT trip or like a an IA gain trip and I know you have this um you have this thing about not wanting to get high or not wanting to be intoxicated but I think you're thinking of a completely different effect than what you're going to get on this on this experience you might be right I just it scares me too much like it's something that you should be scared of what you're doing though too because obviously you don't like it and you can't fix it yeah absolutely I mean I but I can fix it it's a lack of willing like there's a really weird thing I I know what the answer is and like I just like it too much I like it too much and it's they said said to think of liking lust is weird but I like it okay but let me ask you this then what don't you like about it I don't like the fact that it distracts me it's consuming I'm much more creative without it I am I'm I'm I'm much more connected without it when I'm on it I I see I'm I'm always behind glass and I feel like I'm not seeing any real human interaction at all so it it just overwhelms you completely overwhelming wow and I make enough money where I can if I want to no I can't be stupid stupid but I mean if I want to
get hores I can get hores you know and I do um do you think there's a way that you could ever just sort of manage it is it is it a way where you can still indulge and enjoy a little bit of sex but not let it overwhelm you sure I don't think there's anything wrong with being kinky or having a relationship that's dirty like I I'm not looking to be you know I want to In and Out through a sheet you know I just don't want to be there's a difference between that you don't want to be obsessed I don't want to be obsessed with it and uh making it my whole point of EX existence that's just too much and don't get me wrong I'm sure you probably can cure it without a psychedelic experience but in the way you talking about it it sounds like a lot of other psychedelic u a lot of other um obsessive compulsive sort of things that psychedelics can cure maybe it could don't don't go to my free cams have you been there yet no I go to cy.com who doesn't love some good cuckolding porn I challenge any is that what it is cuckolding porn Everything Jesus Christ I wouldn't really want that though I like I'll tell you what I loveold you wouldn't like that big black guy to [ __ ] your woman in front of you never never but I'll tell you what I like about the movies it's not necessarily the black guy [ __ ] the woman it's the husband being there and filming it like there's something that the Dynamics of that wow is so like if it's just a black guy [ __ ] a woman like I don't really watch in a racial porn because I can't relate to the [ __ ] in it but when it's the husband watching it's all about the woman she's being so dirty and so inappropriate it makes me feel something and I think that's a problem is I'm so numb that like if I didn't do this [ __ ] for a while and then I get my dick sucked it feels good but when you when I'm [ __ ] just won't leave my dick alone oh [ __ ] my it's like my dick like forget it I'm there [ __ ] weedling my nipples and trying to get a [ __ ] load out it's a disaster it's a disaster you can get numb totally numb so when I lay off for a while then it feels good again then I don't need to go there then I don't need to go there uh but yeah I do manage it to a certain degree like I'm more responsible than I should be considering how [ __ ] far
gone I am I mean I'm much more careful than you'd think like you know that comes with being sober like there are consequences I'm aware of so I'm yeah you've been sober since you were like 19 right years wow that's crazy that's uh that's an amazing you you you gave up on it real quick like this is not for me you know yeah if you rob you know say you rob three Banks and every time one of your friends gets shot and you go to jail you're like robbing banks is just not for me that's what it was with this I can't do it every time I do it there's a problem and it's only going to get worse and worse well I think that along the same lines of your obsessive uh thing with sex you can get that obsessive with anything you know and it could be good like you get that obsessive about standup yeah you know I mean I think especially if you go back to your early days like do you do you remember like what it was like when you first getting on stage that was like it really was like a drug you were seeking it was a high the thing is though it doesn't turn me into somebody I don't like right whereas when I drink I'm an ugly angry drunk I'm a violent drunk I'm a self-destructive physically drunk do you think you still would be after plus years fact I know I know I there's not a doubt in my mind and I'm not giving the sobriety company line I just know how I think you know you and literally after I shot please be offended which was over a year ago in Cleveland I wasn't happy with it and I'm like I just I'm like I I just wanted to hang myself in the closet and I was like [ __ ] I put a belt up and I wasn't going to do it I knew I wasn't going to do it you put a belt on yeah yeah yeah but I knew I wouldn't do it this is not some psychotic Cry for Help I knew it wasn't going to happen but I was so mad at myself I'm like you [ __ ] stink that I all I could think about was just that feeling of my [ __ ] throat being cut off wow but I I I wound up editing the special with people and then liking it once it came out like a little bit and then I saw it recently and I'm like it was good like what what's wrong with you you [ __ ] like I liked it a lot more this one I actually am very very happy with immediately but the other one it took a while and I think I had just been doing the material a little longer than I
should have and by then I was done with it that does happen how how long had you been doing that material for how many years uh not too too long a couple of years I mean you know yeah maybe but this one I shot 10 months later that's I was ready to get this one I still I missed the material now like I loved doing it yeah so but I know how crazy I think in rational in moments it's why I don't own a pistol it's why I don't you know because I know I would have that one moment that you can't take back yeah I have uh real similar problems I don't think it's as Extreme as you I don't have a problem with drinking or with drugs but I do have a lot of extremity uh a lot of uh I have a lot of impulses and a lot of like craziness but I keep it under wraps I that's one of the reasons why I have to work out like I work out on a regular basis like I need discipline in my life in order to keep order right but if I got like that whether it was you know jerking off or if I got into a drug or became like super impulsive like that I'd like to think that I would be able to pull myself back because I'm objective because I look at myself and I'm self-analyzed a lot but but I'm not that confident it's one of the reasons why I've never touched anything really addictive yeah besides alcohol which isn't addictive to me but I've never [ __ ] with anything that could get you like Anthony's a fun drunk Anthony kumia is a fun drunk I am not a fun drunk I'm not I'm sorry I just you're so much different than you were when you were 18 too that's very true but because so many of these other feelings are still there like I'm the drunk that all of a sudden after four beers my nose is down but my eyes are up and I look like [ __ ] that like give remember in the shiny when Nicholson's wearing the maroon coat that's like that's the look I have and um I I just don't trust it and the and the price to pay is just too much and it's not worth it hey nobody knows better than you my friend Tate's the same way he says I can't he can't do anything can't smoke a joint can't do he goes it might be great but then I might wake up three days later not knowing how the [ __ ] I got there and I don't miss it I I I I don't but I don't knock it either like like you smoke pot and you have a tremendous
career you're driven you're uh I think the best announcer in sports you have an amazing pot like literally your life is very very professional and functional and healthy you have a wife and kid like you do all these things and smoke pot and and like for you it's cool if I could do that gladly but I can't I just I know I can't not for any you know whatever we're just wired differently everyone's wired differently and people need to really recognize that uh I think it's it's a it's an really important point for me pot it it helps me keeps me calm makes me nicer makes me more relaxed see I wouldn't I wouldn't be productive stoned like you're productive you smoke a joint and come in and talk for three hours if I didn't if I smoke if I took two hits of that I would just look at the microphone [ __ ] dunce I would do nothing yeah because you don't but you don't need it you know it's for whatever it is it's for me it gives me uh a perspective that's not available without the pot I can I can get I mean obviously I can get introspective I can think about things deeply without any help I don't need any marijuana or drugs but but when I take them I often feel like there's windows that are open that wouldn't be open ordinarily I mean Carl Sean had a quote about that let me see if I can remember it because it's a fascinating quote cuz Carl Sean is uh one of my favorite all time science cats he's a bad [ __ ] this is what he said I convinced that there are genuine and valid levels of perception available with cannabis and probably other drugs which are through the defects of our society and our educational system unavailable to us without such drugs it's an interesting quote Yeah but that's just me it's probably correct for me marijuana lets me know what I actually want like it sounds ridiculous but when I get high if I if I enjoy something when I'm high then I really enjoy it but if I get high and I'm like oh get me away from this [ __ ] thing usually that's that's my actual feelings about it whether it's with people or whether it it enhances what how I already feel about certain people enhances how I already feel about food or about sex or but that's just me you know that's I it took me till I was 30 before I realized that pot even worked for me right before that I thought it
was all for idiots yeah man and again I I I wish I could do it successfully but but I I'm okay with the fact that I can't like I would like to manage the sex [ __ ] better because I'm a better person when I'm not doing and I'm a more connected person like I care about people but I I can become very uncaring and very distracted and very distant when I'm in that mode because it's addiction it's like any other addiction you're not present and I hate that it makes me not present that's the that's the big point and that's what people don't have an addiction will kind of never understand I've had many addictions I've had a lot of video game problems you know behavioral type [ __ ] that really is just like a drug addiction it becomes an addiction a video game addiction might as well be a drug addiction and it's really similar to a sexual addiction it focuses you on something outside it G it's a zone out it's sometimes it's just the zone out it's just the feeling numb the numbness and it's like I like to think and I like to create and I like to [ __ ] sit at my computer and write this is how to [ __ ] pervert like when I wrote my books the second book especially I wrote at the comedy Celler I would come up with stuff and I would write it in the cellar because it was I was surrounded by people so I couldn't jerk off like I had to be in a public place to sit on my laptop and write like you know what I mean I would just be in the corner writing because I could I could do enough instant messaging where I talk dirty so I could get a little dopamine drip but I couldn't go the extra route which was to [ __ ] yank out my dick and just [ __ ] s my dick soft I'm just yanking in against my dumb stomach zone out zone out zone out click zone out nothing nothing real nothing feeling good how many times a day would you say I wouldn't even come all day have you ever thought about taking a laptop and disabling the Wi-Fi connection you could do that you know you can but I needed it for research and I and I like to with the [ __ ] research well I know this is cuz I was bashing public figures so I had to like like I was sharp yeah yeah I had to and sometimes you need that for reference and I also like the distraction of it because it puts less pressure on me like even if it's on
watching Black Sabbath videos like I'll go on YouTube and watch Sabbath live in [ __ ] Melbourne again cuz I feel like watching Aussie saying God is dead for the 5,000 and that will distract me for a minute and then creatively like oh okay it allows me to step away for a second mentally because when I'm just forcing myself you know write right I can't write have you ever thought about trying some other form of discipline like yoga or something along those lines yeah and I would say that yoga would keep you from being a sex addict but the [ __ ] head of beams is getting sued like a [ __ ] for rape and sexual assault and driving a Rolls-Royce a bunch of [ __ ] guy's a [ __ ] crazy gangster you ever seen pictures of him yeah I've seen one photo of him but look up beam sex uh Scandal something like that he dresses like a pimp all literally how do you [ __ ] not become a sex addict when when the girl in front of you was wearing cellophane pants and her [ __ ] [ __ ] is jumping out at you looks like Al jolson's face how do you not get turned on by that that's not him is that him yeah yeah that's not the image I was thinking of but that's a good one just thinking about him slinging that Indian dick all over that room oh yeah so yeah I would uh yoga is good I've tried bickram uh working out has helped a little bit like it makes me I feel better about myself I'm more comfortable and confident like you know I'm not where I want to be but I'm much better than I was so it's like you know you just I feel like I see results I bet if you did yoga four or five days a week you could [ __ ] hold on I bet you could hold on a lot better get a guy roommate take off all the doors in your place probably no you guys you just be jerking off in front of each other after a while exact we just sit back to back like a [ __ ] ROM compster jerk off look at the same laptop yeah do you think that like prisoners they not jerk off because there's other prisoners around no they just [ __ ] do it they give up while well you talk to guys who worked at prisons and they'll say they're peeking the cells and dudes are just jacking it like looking right at them they don't care after a while they just give up you just get used to it yeah that's the human mind is so strange as far as like what really like gets us
in some gets us on a track and now it's so difficult to get off that track and that Obsession like they just constantly wanted to find another video or another video or another video so it's a weird thing man did sh all day long too though it's like to me it's maybe five or six times a day but it's that my like those cam sites and these these like uh amateur video sites like submit your flicks it's just like gold it's like nonstop yeah you're just not as self-aware as he is you're not trying to fix yourself not trying he's realizing he's a mess and you're like I'm perfect I did the uh CU I usually try to do it right when I wake up and I did the uh where I didn't wash my hands good enough and I was at Starbucks and I had a little bit of uh lotion still on my hand when I was paying for my oh good for you [ __ ] that good boy good for you [ __ ] that yeah [ __ ] washing the lotion off your hands get it to the guy Starbucks he's not going to thank you you guys both disgusting you're going to talk about the times you slimed people but I you know what I can't jerk off in the morning I can't do it I'm not sexual I'm too busy clearing out my sinuses and my FL yeah nothing I don't want to [ __ ] in the morning I don't want to talk I smelled your load once remember you you picked it out of your belly button stuck your finger in it from the night before you stuck in front of my nose you're welcome it's one thing if you smell your own which is pretty disgusting yeah but when you smell other people's this a this I know I'm a disgusting person when I when I jerk off and I don't even bother cleaning up I just wipe it with my underwear and put them right back on my underwear and then I get up in the morning to take a leak and I smell it's usually on the road it's maintenance jerking off and then I get up in the morning on the road to piss and I lift up the toilet and pull my dick out I'm like what is that smell just like like the sour milk yeah like the banks of a [ __ ] polluted river it's all clumped up in the hair so gross yeah I'm very smooth so I wipe it right off wipe it right off yeah it comes right off if you could if you could fix one aspect yourself though that's the thing that you would like to get on track huh absolutely because I think it's stops me careerwise like I have a a good career
where like I I enjoy where I'm at but it's it allows me to stagnate on a level where I should not be stagnating and it it permits me to be comfortable where I shouldn't be comfortable and it's like a little safety it's like a little security blanket where it shouldn't be have you thought about getting maybe like you know like a [ __ ] lock or one of those chassity belt locks where he has a key and you just he would love that it would turn them on yeah I'd find something about that I would just get mistress to put a strap on on and spit on me you know believe there's always a there's always a way there's always a way do you still like that [ __ ] like you're you're like you're in dominatrixes andu yeah they're sexy I mean I haven't I haven't in a while but they can be very sexy sure if they're they're good if they know what they're doing you just like the whole dirtiness of it right absolutely man I love the perversion the I love a woman who can read me every guy wants to be owned whether you're dominant or submissive and when a woman can read me and anticipate what I want I love that getting so fired up but it's hot man can you just enjoy that though why why does it have to be an obsession is there is there a balance that can be achieved here where you can just enjoy the sex and sexuality and just not tweak on it all day it's greed it's being greedy it's wanting as they say more than my share it's wanting more than my share of pleasure and more than my share of experiences it's walking through a candy store and not picking a candy bar it's grabbing for everything and then shoving it into my [ __ ] face and then crying that I have a stomach ache but you've got enough discipline to work out and lose all this weight like you've changed your body over the last 6 months or a year or so right yeah how much how much weight have you lost I mean in the last year I take close to 30 uh your face your body everything looks totally different yeah well you it's it's uh over I was I think I'm like 146 now 147 I was at one point I was tapping out a lot in the60s hitting 170s at one point a couple years ago a few years ago I was in the 180s I saw some pictures of myself oh what a [ __ ] oinker I was really disgusting but it's good to
remember that stuff and uh I feel much better but my eating is still not perfect you know but it's nice though to get that Under Wraps like you you've handled that one aspect of your physicality got that out of control yeah but I I have at least a pattern that's healthy for and I I go to trainer sessions at least three sometimes four days a week so yeah yeah well maybe you could figure out a way to just get another pattern you know isn't that something your mother told you replace something bad with something good she did you know Dr Phil said that it's funny my mother on my second CD had left me that voicemail and she was right Jimmy I was watch why don't you go to the gym you meet a nice girl and she was right but I have a [ __ ] fart Brewing right now it's going to be I'm going to do it in the car with with uh Jonathan it's going to be [ __ ] p UTD Oh Hang hanging in there like much bigger you are in this picture this was in Vegas when op Anthony was in Vegas so what year was this like 2003 yeah uh yeah but I have a lot fatter than that look up uh I mean I was that was even that was bad oh me and Deacon Jones I love that photo yeah I was a [ __ ] pig there but not that was in Vegas too right he was hanging out with us in Vegas I remember that y that was a fun show that Vegas show was that Vegas or California that was a California B the poker thing the poker thing that was when Anthony was playing right yeah fun times and Opie stepped on Ed asner's cake theoretically theoretically metaphorically yeah Ed Asner called him a destroyer it was hilarious yeah that was funny that was really fun the um that those shows that you guys used to do how come you guys stop doing them those those big comedy shows um it just became well we lost terrestrial radio which I was happy for but it became harder um to do and it became harder to get guys book and we just it just went away the merger happened and things changed once we merged there was disadvantages to it and there was advantages to it um you know I liked being in our old Studio at XM I like the thing about Sirius I like is the guests we can get are much better because already in the building so a lot of times we get people that we would not have gotten ever um you know there's been some great we're open to a much
larger group of people now so you know with the good with the bad do you know what your numbers are no idea I probably could find out but I don't ask I just don't want to know because I don't want to be disappointed um I just I don't know I know I have a a decent amount of followers and a decent amount of fans um I I have no [ __ ] idea no but I mean as far as like how many people listen to Anthony every day I don't even know how we'd find that out because there no Arbitron Diaries I think they do but they don't want to tell us how could they know because it's probably they s out survey it's tuned in you you have to be tuned into that frequency or that channel no it doesn't tell you that way nah I think through a lot of times they could do listener surveys but uh which I guess work like robron but I don't know man so Antiquated isn't it yeah it's shitty do you I really think that if you weren't on it you would have the biggest [ __ ] podcast in the world oh no really do I think you'd have a huge podcast I feel like I've been and I'm not fishing I really mean like I feel like I'm boring when I talk too long I just can't I I [ __ ] it would be out of my mind I like to snipe I like to [ __ ] sit there and watch [ __ ] uh Greg and Tony do the heavy lifting and I pipe in with like you said the [ __ ] quick shots or right [ __ ] I'm the I'm the [ __ ] sniper in Full Metal Jacket I'll just shoot a few bullets and then sit back and let them do the lifting and I like that well you guys have a great relationship too you guys have been doing it together so long but I think if the three of you bailed together it would just you could still I think you could maintain the exact same amount of income I think it'd be the exact same amount of people listening if not more just I think the that's the future there is the OPI and Anthony Podcast that's yeah I was just about to bring that up yes we do have the podcast so uh and how does that work they just go on uh it's on iTunes and a lot of times it's best of the week plus a couple of old bits or that's the cool part yeah there's an old bit in there it's basically just to get people because they don't want to give away content either it's just to get people who who have heard of the show to check it out and see if they like it um but a lot of times the fans already have
the content because they've heard it already well I'm going tell you this man if it wasn't for you guys I don't think I would have ever started a podcast and if it wasn't for Anthony Anthony doing live from the compound Brian and I would have never started doing that Ustream show this the show that kind of started it out and before that the uh what was it Justin TV we did a few of those GRE rooms yeah we did a few of those in the green rooms like we kind of had an idea of doing something like this a long time ago but seeing Anthony do it from his place really motivated me because Anthony set up a green screen and put a professional desk in there and had professional microphones and cameras I mean he really went balls out he told me spent like a stupid amount of money to convert the downstairs of his house into a recording studio and this is a guy who already has a [ __ ] full-time gig and if you never seen live for the compound he did some with his ex-girlfriend Melissa where he would get [ __ ] shitfaced hammered he would do karaoke while holding a machine gun oh yeah love that he he was hammered and he would take calls I called in once he was on I was watching I was like this is amazing and he was just hammered hammered drinking wine holding it up loving it well the fun thing is that he accomplished all that and he built that studio all this while like you said doing a full-time gig and drinking like William Holden and I'm [ __ ] jerking off and I can't get myself to [ __ ] motivate like that's that's humiliating to me like I've watched Anthony build that studio I'm like look at what he's doing I can't even rearrange my apartment I [ __ ] just stagnate start and don't finish start and don't finish start and don't finish I [ __ ] hate it yeah I had always had this idea to do something like that when after seeing him do it he did his his thing was so interesting because at the time when he was doing that nobody was doing something live on Ustream like professionally he would like have different backgrounds you know could have a background that was like the city cuz the green screen he could switch the background turn into whatever the [ __ ] he wanted which was so badass it's a great idea and he you know when he does it when he eventually just turns it on
and pots up the mics anytime he wants he just goes downstairs and hits a switch and boom you know and then uh Brian set up this the place at the ice house and that's like the natural progression of setting this place up I need a technical partnership with somebody I need somebody in New York who can technically like when I come up with an idea yeah obviously but then Rich would intellectually just take it and make it so much better as well his his his intellect would dominate it what can't serious don't they have sound guys no I don't mean with that I mean with somebody Independence like if I want to do because I want to I told you I want to do a talk show like I really I love interviewing people I love it and uh I want to do that well that's what a podcast is yeah yeah but I mean I want to do it like on on TV I F I want to do it on TV if I can you let it out I couldn't help it it was beginning to cause me great pain was like a secret um so I would like to do that on so you want to do it on like FX or something like that nah they have him five nights a week now they would have no interest I mean like that something like that it's fun I think it's a fun thing to do and uh you I would like to do it yeah that that does seem like a fun thing to do and you would have access to a lot of really Fascinating People by doing something like that I think so yeah and again I I like to talk to people and interview them and you know it's it's not uh it's fun to do it's really fun to I we were talking to Ben Kingsley one time I'm like how great is this he has to answer my questions if I bumped into him in a [ __ ] [ __ ] Oscar party he'd spit on me but here he is sitting next to me going oh yes yes answering the because he doesn't want to look back it's like that's the cool part about it yeah and especially if they come in specifically to sit down with you for x amount of time you know you could really dig into somebody if you're talking to them for an hour two hours or whatever it would be yeah that's I think you know what would be great if you did like a bob costus type thing remember Bob cus had later with Bob cus oh yeah and he just was just real simple was like him at a desk with a person who sit down with him for full hour you know I don't know if I
could hold the audience for an hour I want to do sketches too that I pre-shoot like I have some things I wanted to do so you want to essentially host a Tonight Show type situation yeah but nothing that quite that structured or that you know what I mean it would be it would have to have a much different feeling than that but would you want to do it like Showtime style uncensored oh yeah so that's what you'd want to do absolutely just say whatever I want yeah you got to do it on Showtime then or HBO either one those or a bunch of other cable channels where there's a couple of language issues but not many like I there's channels now yeah they're starting to open up and a lot of people don't realize the FCC doesn't control cable they only control broadcast television NBC CBS that that kind of [ __ ] when you get to cable they essentially self-impose you know for the advertisers yeah yeah some of them that's why like the shield was able to say [ __ ] and [ __ ] and everybody's like what the hell they didn't go [ __ ] they don't go as far as [ __ ] but they can they do did you like the shield Spike did I never saw the shield I heard it's great I'm a wire fanatic and they people tell me you'll like this have you ever see the wire I only watched a couple episodes of The Wire I need to get back to it people always tell me that it's the greatest show ever it's my favorite show ever I [ __ ] it's a masterpiece uh I think Game of Thrones is my favorite show I Love Game of Thrones too the wire's better I thought so yeah it was realistic about drug dealing and uh I I just I loved it and I love the characters I'll check it out little Jimmy and uh your special when does it come out August 23rd uh thank you on epics and epixhd.com you can get just sign up for a if you want to watch it online if your cable provider doesn't carry where you record that um I shot it in uh it looks like the Tabernacle in uh oh that's in uh that's in uh no it's in Somerville Mass Somerville couple weeks before the bombing act I wish it was after the bombing because I would have addressed it would you really of course I would have mocked the bombers yeah I was talking about those [ __ ] yeah I was talking about kicking their mother in the [ __ ] and [ __ ] that yeah I was bashing them yeah King their mother in
the [ __ ] yeah cuz yeah her womb was a terror camp like yeah I had a bunch of fun with that shitty [ __ ] Brothers yeah so it's on epics when when's the date again August 23rd and it rears a lot and if you get the trial online you can watch it whenever you want ah beautiful and I'm happy with it man so that's epics.com epic hd.com epic hd.com and Jim Norton on Twitter is Jim Norton um so follow him you dirty [ __ ] and Jim norton.com is finally going up it's been too long you're an honest [ __ ] man and you're a really fun guy I I really enjoy talking to you and like I said I really appreciate your your your intelligent take on that debate about jokes and rape jokes with uh Lindy West I thought that was was really important and I think it was really important that you did it thank you and I actually liked her too and I'm not saying that to be polite I genuinely liked her and we talked after on the phone and she's actually really nice she's not some psychotic I bet she is you know I think that a lot of our takes on these things a lot of the interaction that we have whether it's blog to blog or Twitter to Twitter it's it's it's such an limited way of communicating and a lot of these same people that we have disagreements with online if we sat down with them in a rational sort of normal setting like this and just talked we would probably see each other's point a lot better and have like some healthy discussions about these things as opposed to these like uh these snipe attacks that people like to do in blogs or and Twitter and go back and forth with each other it's there's a lot missing in those oneway interactions when I say something and then you say something and you know when you communicate with each other a lot of times you can you can get to know someone a lot better I agree that's why I like that conversation it was you know you could tell there was some real discourse going on there which regardless of which side you take all right that's it [ __ ] we uh thank you and thanks to squarespace.com uh go to squarespace.com and use the code word Joe and the number eight allog together one word Joe 8 and save yourself some cash son on a a beautiful self-constructed website and remember it's super easy to do so easy that the they'll let you try doing it first
before you even use your credit card information uh thanks also to audible.com if you go to audible.com Joe you will get one free audio book and 30 free days of audible service oh [ __ ] we are also brought to you by on it.com that's o nni t use the code name Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements I'm trying to do um uncle creepy this week that's Ian McCall going to see if I can get him in here before or I take off from Boston and uh got some other people in town too maybe Brian call wants to do one as well can I a date real quick yeah yeah yeah uh I'm going to be with Tony Hench clip uh in standup live September 26 and you can go to standup live.com that's in Phoenix Arizona you freaks all right we love you guys and we'll see you soon [Music] [Laughter] [Music]