Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CiguIt9Ir0
what's wrong with you my monkey noise have you started already yeah because you I already had to start with oh that's okay uh we just I just we just went live hey hey everybody the [ __ ] what's going on um we understand folks we hear your story you hear plight that uh UST stream's been [ __ ] up for you uh it's been um what was it called buffering I just lost my mic you know what I've noticed though uh Joe is that a lot of it's different browsers so if if it's [ __ ] with you on One browser try different one cuz the flash plug-in alone has been just a cunny [ __ ] is that what it is yeah like it like like on you Youtube I have problems on certain browsers to where it does certain things and I change it around and I I've been noticing there a lot of browser issues I'd use Chrome for the most part what do you use I use Safari I went back to Safari really yeah why' you go back to Safari because it seems like it's usually the best when it comes to working with everything but C flash has been [ __ ] with everything so it didn't used to right it didn't used to be the best one I don't think so no but it's always been solid for me Chrome's good but the problem with chrome is is that I just go crazy with extensions and next thing I know if fck [ __ ] things up like add Block Plus or whatever that [ __ ] [ __ ] things up and then you forget that that might be the reason why you know I'm a safari type of [ __ ] this episode speaking of the web is brought to you by Squarespace you go to squarespace.com rjo what is my name Rojo squar squarespace.com forjoe uh if you go and check it out you could design your own website Joey Diaz I know you could pull it off it's not difficult too stupid you say that man but I'm telling you with something like Squarespace you could do it I could do it it's I'm I'm I'm not sure you're that much farther behind me you know Brian does them while the show's going on he's whacking out websites you know I'm saying dog um what's interesting about it is you can try it it's not interesting it's excellent about it is you can try it without actually paying for it first so you can go you sign up you don't have to give your credit card no you know you don't have to do
anything just try it out start building your website and then if you decide to purchase Squarespace use the offer code Joe seven and you will get 10% off your first purchase it's a sweet spot you should really check it out because you can make a very professionall look website in a tiny amount of time including setting up your own online store I have had many sponsors on this podcast and I can tell you this there's just one one sponsor that I've never had any negative uh feedback on that's Squarespace no one's ever said anything bad about it people said bad about every people [ __ ] find a way to complain about anything there's always and not saying that their complaints aren't necessarily valid you know I think sometimes uh people are correct they're over judgmental but often times they are correct but Squarespace 100% not one person has said anything bad about it to me yet now watch I'll go on Twitter and they'll [ __ ] it up for me anyway go to squarespace.com Joo use the offer code joe7 and save yourself 10% off all right God damn it we're also brought to you by Legal Zoom um Legal Zoom is a website where you can get a lot of [ __ ] done that ordinarily you would have to go to a lawyer for like you can get you can incorporate or you can form an LLC which is limited legal know what means what does LLC mean exactly it's where you uh make a company so you could dump uh all your money into and then once to [ __ ] up you run and start a new company yeah and you don't like owe anybody any money or something something yeah I've had people have been [ __ ] over like that um you can do an LLC at Legal Zoom for only 100 bucks so if you want to start [ __ ] people off it's only 99 bucks and then somehow nothing I don't know what happens you might want to also get a will at that time which you could also do at Legal Zoom that's another good idea when you start [ __ ] people over they get mad and they want to shoot you so you can make your own will for just 69 bucks you can also get living trusts power of attorney and more in the past 12 years or over two million Americans have used Legal Zoom and they've saved fuckloads of money it's a sweet setup and if you use the uh code Rogan in the referral box you'll save
yourself some money uh remember that Legal Zoom is not a law firm they just provide self-help services at your specific Direction and they can also connect you with an independent attorney independent attorney no attorney [ __ ] they can also connect you with an independent attorney if you need additional guidance so check it out legal zoom.com use the code named Rogan boom shaka Shaka shaka boom um what was the other one I had to do squ space legal oh stamps.com uh stamps.com which is appropriate because the new DES Squad shirts are on pre-order as of right now if you go to Des squad. TV my favorite of all the designs that Brian has created I I actually love this one it's [ __ ] badass I love the cat on the last one he was my favorite cat but this is a cool shirt this is uh I love the colors too and it's um it's a very high quality shirt as opposed to it's not that the other ones were low quality but they're like the standard way you get a t-shirt when you have like a big design like that Des quad logo is they just they take like a vinyl I I don't know it's vinyl whatever it is but some sort of sticker it's like a thick it's the process is just a bunch of it's like it feels like you have a plastic shield on so like when you're working out you feel like this like like you almost have armor on and it's very uncomfortable when have a lot of colors we get we you get sweaty yeah yeah if you get sweaty it gets weird so this this process actually bleaches the shirt and then redy the ink in it so it's actually the the the just the cotton so you can't even feel the design so it's an upgrade from the last couple shirts I did I wanted to have a little bit better quality time yeah well you know he saw how my higher primate shirts be rocking it like damn son why are they so sweet oh you know because of my man Mike Maxwell drawing me some funky chimps that's right um so uh yeah so these will be coming out really soon so jump on them now um they I mean I see a shitload of these old ones every time I perform including this past weekend when Joey Diaz and I were uh Rocking The Joint in Vegas goddamn son [ __ ] God damn we'll talk about that we'll talk about that we'll talk about the UFC and more uh legal uh stamps.com and legal Squarespace do zooom no not what I mean
what I'm just kidding a real sts.com is not really a real [ __ ] up could you imagine if I was that far High stamps.com if you go if you click on it they have that old schoolie microphone in the upper right hand corner well if you click on that old schooly microphone and enter in the code name JRE which stands for The Joe Rogan Experience you can save an assload of money including um it's $110 um um thing off uh you get a free scale digital scale which you are not to use for marijuana sir this is for sending packages [ __ ] okay do do not send Mar listen to me do not send marijuana through the post office use UPS okay because the post office that's like it's against the law they'll put you in a [ __ ] cage right I tell it once they'll break your [ __ ] in Hollywood and take the weed themselves they're [ __ ] Savages and you can't blame them if I was a mailman I'd be ripping up envelopes too that get sent out yeah it's a the the code the code is a sweet code you save a lot of money off of what they normally offer but even if you didn't have my code it's a great deal you get this sweet digital scale and what you do is you print like say if you're selling anything like Brian selling those t-shirts you just make it yourself have it printed up yourself and you just weigh the packages on a digital scale you print up everything off of your computer bam hand it to the postman done I used to today actually I had haven't used the mail in a long time and I didn't have a stamp like [ __ ] I got to go to the store I'm like oh yeah I have stamps.com and I just put the envelope in then PR BS in the mailbox it's so easy kid you can't go wrong go to stamps.com and uh use the code JRE and save yourself some money on an excellent service I know I'm like supposed to say something official they give you [ __ ] to say like something official but it's $110 value yeah it's what it is is a really good deal that's what I think about stamps.com I think it just it totally makes sense if you're if you're smart like why would you want to go to the [ __ ] post office sell them talking about we don't have that many years left I don't have 20 minutes to go down there and wait for
the [ __ ] it's a nightmare going to the could be a lot more than 20 minutes if you go to the wrong post office at the wrong time I've been there before where it took me an hour and 10 minutes just to get to the counter yes yeah there was a gang of people and they all had [ __ ] to away they were all s it was around Christmas I was an [ __ ] I was like wow this is bad I hate going to PO I got a box at the PO Box I go there and you got to give it get with online and I forget to go and I get emails from people they sent my [ __ ] back yeah and I don't want to burden [ __ ] people either who wants to be the 30th person in line that day with stacks of [ __ ] for them to send out and they're tired of doing your goddamn work for you stamps.com just needs to get a passport thing because that's the only reason I have to go to the the post office now it's for like when you have to do things like passports or [ __ ] that that's just as annoying because you're mixing passport people in with [ __ ] regular male people p what you mean like getting a new passport is that what you mean yeah that's where I got my passport recently it was a pain in the ass at at the post office yeah the take interes yeah why is that together that doesn't that's like drugs Tobacco and Firearms you know when they do that tobacco alcohol and Firearms they're all together like how does what the [ __ ] is why are those three together that's ridiculous passports and stamps so you can send a package or you yeah whatever you're sending through the air let me ask you something Joe Rogan why would drugs tobacco and Firearm show up to arrest you for tobacco like if you wor selling them with the stickers on them is that it or maybe you uh well you could sell stolen [ __ ] it could be that you could be yeah you could be like not having a tax stamp or something so like you're a company that's trying to sell it and not pay taxes on it people are crazy man you always hear about people that are like running businesses for like a couple years gangster style cash only pay no taxes and then they just vanish and it happens all the time you know there was uh we had this uh lady yesterday uh from the oxy Express who was talking about those pain clinics in Florida and one of them was cash only they were there for two years they made
$40 million and then they got arrested with pain clinics do they they hook you up with some oxies they give you the oxies yeah if you're uh if you're interested go go listen to it cuz she was uh the whole story was [ __ ] amazing we could talk about that on the podcast too I any o oh all day dog we just got all oxxied out together it was beautiful uh we're also brought to you by on.com as always uh can't say on it in a different way I've tried I've tried at commercials in a different way I've tried if you've never heard this podcast before on it is a company in full disclosure that I have a financial stake in uh and essentially we sell really just [ __ ] that I use [ __ ] that Aubrey and I use [ __ ] that uh people use if they're trying to get in shape it's like we sell a lot of kettle bells um and we have these things called Primal bells or kettle bells with this cool chimpanzee face we had sculpted into it it's it's pretty bad ask medicine balls all types of things you need for strength and conditioning workouts um the the type of full body workouts that I think are the most beneficial as far as like application in sports or in uh your everyday life just picking up [ __ ] you know you don't pick up [ __ ] just by curling things if you're smart you use your whole body and when you do uh exercises like kettle bells and steel maces and Club Bells um th those are the type of uh strength and fitness uh pieces of equipment that sort of emphasize those style work workouts the style workouts where you use your whole body as one unit instead of like really breaking things down to like isolation exercises which you know people used to do back in the day it's okay if you want to look all sexy you want to have some sexy biceps if that's your only goal then go go go you [ __ ] sexy quido you do those curls get your the back of your triceps on one of those curling those remember those things Joey Diaz those preacher curls everybody would do that everybody wanted the big guns to preach a curl one of the least useful positions you ever find yourself in double armbarred hanging over a couch you know and you doing girls anyway go to on it.com use a code name Rogan and save yourself some shekles Joey Coco Diaz is here and we're fixing to get busy okay
check yourself before you wreck yourself big dicks in your ass for your the experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day Shaka Shaka Shaka bang son we back we live we with Joe Diaz Joey gave me a a a pot candy and I got high holding it in my hand okay I held it in my hand and I got nervous low anyone that's the they these people have broke it up into hybrid sativ and indica and that is uh even reney was was saying he likes the cheap buto but he likes the full boat one the white label really goes deep death re up there on Long Island go those things there I've had them with coffee in the morning before a flight and they [ __ ] pick me up I don't drink energy drinks because I did blow but these things [ __ ] pick me right up soow they're not bad this is the I gave you the pain relief one too okay these guys are going deep if you um if you do uh an energy drink it makes you want to do blow no no no I did blow for all those years so they don't work oh that's I drink [ __ ] Red Bull and go to sleep I drink coffee and go to sleep to be honest with you take you do that too I could drink a cup of coffee I used to be able to do that when I had sleep apia just I could [ __ ] just hit the crib right after a cup of coffee yeah it's amazing that oh my God I need star I can drink two things of Starbucks and [ __ ] pass out get the [ __ ] out of here Cuban coffee [ __ ] me up that uh not Persian coffee is that what it is Greek coffee there's some coffee that's [ __ ] out there that the uh the C caffeine is just outrageous Greek one of those countries a lot of those coffees that people think are like really strong it's like the taste of it it's not necessarily the caffeine like do you know like espresso everybody assumes espresso is like stronger than a cup of coffee not really no it's actually weaker it has less the lighter coffees are the ones with the more caffeine like a dark dark coffee apparently a dark coffee doesn't have as much caffeine as like a lighter coffee often times like when you you burn them more guess to make it dark maybe does that make sense you roast it longer about coffee what am I talking about over here but the first time I ever had Cuban coffee I'm like oh this is like everything else Cubans do it's crazy you take coffee you put a
half a pound of sugar in it yeah from the start they mix it in there it is with a [ __ ] Wren so sweet I couldn't believe how sweet it is we were working in Miami At The Improv and Joey's like you got to try a Cuban coffee dog [ __ ] all that Starbucks [ __ ] that's for girls get over have you been to Miami International Airport and see that Starbucks is always empty that's funny it can't compete cuz it's a quarter it's 35 cents for a shot I know 3535 at the airport and if they give you the sugar mixed into it you don't even feel guilty for putting them much sugar in it you know you're like hey this is what I asked for it's like a dessert I didn't know it's a dessert and this a little pickme up but people think there's more than there is apparently this what's the highest caffeine thing you could do venty Starbucks I mean you can get more but I'm talking about like yeah Mountain Dew I think no I don't think there a new Mountain Dew that they put a bunch of caffeine in a while ago maybe they took it off the market by now that's the one that made me go to Cedar cyanide for having a panic attack yeah it was that exact same drink Mountain Dew made you go to the hospital that was the one where I pulled over on the side of the road and they they they like the I I sat on the uh curb with my phone out with I had 991 and had one about to push iner uh just because I I felt like I was having a heart attack how do you feel Brian it felt like your heart's going like you breathe though weren you high too no I wasn't High you weren't high at all had not eaten that day oh but but I had one of those to wake me up and just one yeah but it was a big ass I mean this was like a like a humongous like a big go like a like a size of a c2o like that kind of thing like what is that like 18 o C2 uh I would say it's like 16 to 18 yeah yeah but but they they checked me the ambulance checked me like dude you're Hearts going crazy we need to get you inside and then they like put uh whatever that water in your blood is cuz they said I was dehydrated andu oh they gave you like an IV DP yeah and they they gave me IV trip but it cost me like $3,000 for this [ __ ] Mountain Dew [ __ ] that's incredible isn't it amazing how much it costs like for an ambulance to come and just look at you ambulance
alone was $900 yeah don't sign the paperwork at the end tell them run out of there what is that um so when they charge you 900 bucks okay um is it for their time is it for it's the service it's like the most expensive of limo in the world man if I was rich I'd be just using ambulances because you can go through lights what just say you have a heart attack say I'm just kidding Tak the movie seriously that's a good company brilliant Bast you're brilliant you know what that's like a felony huh a felony for calling an ambulance an ambulance company and you go through all the right paperwork and you're like you know I need to be picked up dude if this wasn't a comedy podcast just because what you said you probably go to jail under the Patriot Act if this was like a crazy that is brilliant Wing that is brilliant [ __ ] guy in Long Island right now was going I'm going to open up an ambulance company and tell people I'm going to run through red light do trust me that's brilliant and they'll do it till they get [ __ ] pulled over when I go what's going on here and the person I'm having a heart attack again no no I thought if I had the lights I could run through red lights no and if if you get pulled over you're just in the back seat and go all right say that you're having a panic attack and we'll just take you to the hospital well there was a a guy when I I lived in uh Newton Massachusetts there was a a guy who which by the way I went back to recently and I couldn't believe how small it was it was really weird it's weird when you go back home and you realize how small everything was you don't know what happened especially like Boston area like it was all those those like little towns were separated by these little two-lane roads it's really weird it's really weird to go back to it um I don't forgot what we were talking about no you went back home and you uh you went to Newton I don't [ __ ] know either what what would you what did you say just before that about the ambulance ambulance oh the guy that what it was sorry sorry folks a guy um was using the ambulance like he wasn't going to an emergency he was just using it because he wanted to get home or whatever he wanted to do whatever the [ __ ] he wanted to do he wanted to go through this light and he slammed in this woman and killed
her and it was it was bad you know was it was I mean they wanted him dead I remember this like people were were [ __ ] really upset that someone died because someone abused used a public thing like that that you know people you know people expect that if an ambulance is coming through it's risking safety because it's trying to save a life and this dick was just driving around thought it was cute to run red lights I check this out you know slammed into somebody I always pull over I see today a cop went by three cop cars went by me me and maybe two other people pulled over that lady they don't [ __ ] pull over they don't [ __ ] pull over it's it's scary it's scary yeah people are dickish man they like to wait for people to pull over so they can pull over and follow the ambulance and like cut a path through I've seen people do that they don't do it at all out here I mean Ohio everybody everybody pull I just saw it today and I'm like this is [ __ ] rude California is some of the worst driving manners I've ever experienced in my life ever ever it's so rare first of all that anybody ever gets out of the Fast Lane you know it's it's amazing when you watch someone in the fast lane then you watch someone pull up behind them and you see them just sit there and then the other person has to go around like they look and they know and they know they're going slow they're going 60 get out of the lane they don't want to get out of the lane it's my [ __ ] Lane it's my car is my name in the east coast you're dealing with these little two-lane roads two two lanes on each side so everybody who's going slow goes to the [ __ ] right move the [ __ ] over yeah it's that simple but California it's like everything else it's like such a wealth of lanes out here there's so many [ __ ] Lanes on the highway the people like well just going another Lane well you I have to go fast why do I move [Music] over check this out have you seen this reer drink this just how much sugar is in each uh different kind of drink I think it is oh my God look at Red Bull holy [ __ ] is that real or is that caffeine supposed caffeine that's sugar oh yeah oh my god look how much Sugar's in Red Bull that's insane the same as a small Mountain Dew though it's it it is right
oh my God that's not even a regular siiz Mountain do it looks like and you know what here's the other thing it'd be better if it was actually sugar in there now was there sugar in water is that what that saying yeah what is this saying about water sugar [ __ ] water bottle water how's that possible that's not true wow that's zero that shows zero right so that's Kool-Aid no it's I think that's a ref I think that's just reflection yeah I think you're right yeah yeah right yeah it's trying to get you to drink water obviously yeah no or even that little packet of Kool-Aid that's ridiculous has the same amount as a little wait chocolate milk that's crazy yeah there's a lot of sugar in our lives folks we're kind of hooked on that yeah I'm trying not to drink coffee right now and I've been drinking uh this Trenta sized passion fruit iced tea every day it has no caffeine in it but I don't get the sweetener in it and I get Splenda and that's just got to yeah but it's got to give you brain cancer with that much Splenda drinking that much spend Stevia go with the stevia yeah but Starbucks doesn't have Stevia for some weird we got p take some of these home we got G of them here why don't you why don't you think uh Starbucks goes on St too expensive I don't know maybe they have a deal with Splenda to keep people from knowing about Stevia suppressing knowledge dog yeah suppressing that herbal goodness Stevia is delicious I it took me a little while to get used to it but knowing that it's an herbal sweetener and that there's it's like literally no strings attached it's just your body takes it in doesn't seem to have any am I telling the truth does it seem to have any health recently I heard some stuff and that that's why people were telling me to go to something else that other one that's like with a x or a z or a zav oh xylot xylot XY I've heard that as well like some people like the xylot well there was a reason that people were saying something recently about Stevia Maybe I'm Wrong okay well let's Google it what's wrong with stevia what do you do Joey you do straight I have a little Stevia the house that Aubrey gave me I have uh the blue packages I like it cuz it's super strong I have sugar too which I don't use every once in a while with the new coffee machine I I'll make a Cuban coffee but
ah you know what's crazy dog the biggest addiction I ever had was to cocacola I went to Weight Watches I stopped drinking soda and it was like the toughest three months of my [ __ ] life guys like I thought it was worse than getting off the blow not having like Chinese food or something with a Coke the other day I had I went to some place to eat and the guy goes we out a Diet Coke I said you know what give me a coke it was [ __ ] horrible it's too sugary oh my God it's ridiculous oh my [ __ ] God it was terrible sweat this Stevia is used as a weight loss Aid it's used for treating diabetes high blood pressure and heartburn for lowering uric acid levels and for preventing pregnancy also for increasing the strength of the muscle contractions that pump blood from the heart wow yeah that doesn't seem like you get eat eat that all day it seems like it seems like if you eat that all day you'd have some [ __ ] issues I mean maybe we should talk to Tate he could be our patient zero because that dude's got Stevie in his system all day he just drinks those mugs of Bulletproof Coffee I should give a plug to Tate too because Tate just started his own um uh mobile coffee business he's doing a uh butter coffee truck and they um they I guess they roll around it's called rolling butter it's rolling butter on Twitter and he's got like a butter coffee truck all sorts of different flavors and [ __ ] he shows up at CrossFit events those CrossFit guys are junkies for that butter coffee like Bulletproof Coffee with the MCT oil in it so Tate decided to set up a truck and just roll around appar he had his first event this week so he need to go to the Arnold Classic oh yeah but you know last thing you want to do is take a [ __ ] truck all the way to Ohio especially in March you in March in Ohio son you might get [ __ ] that [ __ ] might go ugly on you it could easily snow like a [ __ ] in March right yeah oh yeah you're it's a bad it's risky in March remember that time back when you were making the videos where that one dude he took a shirt off and you made a video about it like he took a shirt off in the audience and was dancing around remember that guy he was hammered and then he gave me a big hug and then he was so I mean ridiculously
hammered and then after the show we we found him in the parking lot blood all over his face no shirt on somebody beat the [ __ ] out of him and it was like zero degrees out we're like wow take care buddy get in the car like that's a [ __ ] normal Friday night for that dude probably totally as they're telling you the story they're pulling a tooth out of the mouth those guys yeah hey [ __ ] hit me with a bat oh [ __ ] [ __ ] my to when they [ __ ] show it to you they hit me the bat you got any ice on you an extra bat an extra jacket like what the [ __ ] guy I'll tell you what that that uh show Friday night that we did was uh that was a nice place I had never been there before the joint yeah that was great The Joint well the the audience was amazing you know the audiences we've been getting lately just off the charts they're so happy it's like such a friendly happy group like overwhelmingly it's amazing I don't know how we ever pulled it off but it's amazing and the joint was probably one of the best ones yet it was one of the best crowds ever it was amazing everybody's so friend that bar was great had a BL had a great time Joey and I went to that Center Bar and uh we held court for like three hours three hours just hanging around talking to people you know we uh Max hly got too drunk did you see Max drunk Max hly throwing Asians charts he tortured this little Asian Jersey girl she was half asian half Irish he was torturing her well he'll torture your mom oh he don't give a [ __ ] closer with a jack oh he's done he's a great guy though he'll zoom in on over yeah we had an awesome time it was it was a it was you know what it was like uh there was a lot of good vibes uh nice people and I took the limo over to the [ __ ] Southport yeah you did another show after that 12:30 and it was Jay Davies was there Jason Rouse was there and it was a late show bro it was mind B like I'm thinking of doing the weekend there like I'm call him in August and go give me the 12:30 at 12:30 wow and it was and here's what's going on that all these Comics work like Bobby Collins was there right Bobby Collins did 10 some other girl did 10 it was smooth and I closed it w wow so there's like a bunch of real Comics oh my god there had to be 250 in there 250 people
123 all the locals wow and this is what they were telling me like people were coming back with drinks like people who can't bro let me tell you something I went over there and there had to be 150 people from The Joint show that showed up with tickets for me to sign we told them you were going there and they were going listen man this is [ __ ] amazing I just got four cocktails for $17 didn't we announce it on stage that you you you were drinking something something was going on I didn't know I didn't know for sure people were like hey you going to be at the sou Point yeah went over there I seen Jay Davies seen a bunch of comics I hadn't seen that just hang out drinking well we should do that when we're in town like in between every Friday do it every Friday 12:30 I like a 12:30 spot asking if you guys were going to go stop by cuz they I guess they had a show at the other club at the Hard Rock the same night the vinyl at the other hard rock or Elanor and dice did yeah at oh that's hilarious so they were in the same place as us yeah and they were saying if you wanted to come before or after I think it was before well he was um apparently his son was playing he wanted us to come uh watch his son's band after my show but we you know we got mobbed by people and we had a you know Justin was with us so had some friends so um he's there like every weekend right I think so for a while something like that amazing powerful Dice Clay how many Comics were there like a lot of guys came up and say hello to Joe come a lot of guys I recognize I didn't I didn't know their names well you know what if Vegas was was like really smoothly run there would be a real comedy scene there I mean it doesn't make sense there wouldn't be you're dealing with all these tourists that are coming in from out of town on a regular basis it doesn't have to be on the Strip if you have one good spot like think of like that stake joint that Brazilian place we go to Texas Brazil with like the chu house Korea that's nowhere near the strip it's way the [ __ ] out there it's somewhere in another you know part of it's not near the casinos but everybody goes there everybody goes there because it's good because they know it's there and it's good and you know there's people in town in Vegas that are always
looking to do something I know the casinos would like to keep the shows in the casinos and it's great to do the joint I mean we had a that was perfect for us but like for like the local Comics like there should be a few comedy clubs in Vegas it seems like you could have like a real local scene in Vegas I can't believe this this is how embarrassing this is and I hate to say this because people GNA think I'm we walk past Brad Garrett and it's like like we ain't going to Brad G nobody goes to Brad G like we're not going cuz they don't you know well Duncan no no no I shouldn't say that because uh not Duncan um he it he Li that's why but it's like they'll never call why don't we go it's cuz we're too dirty is that what it is know I think that he just likes a certain style and you know I don't I think Adam Hunter did it and he liked it he he asked me and but you know when I see it I'm like like I never even think of that I always assume that I'm too dirty and the LA the LA Comedy Club hit me up when I was in Vegas saying if we wanted to go over there laon night and do a spot you know what's the LA comic Club it's at B's I guess so there is a few comic Club yeah there little action a lot of them have like they have like rosean bar there every night every night like the last fact has Roseanne Bar there okay let me ask you this how does that work how does someone do like the same town every night like five six nights a week for years shows up on Monday yeah they have new people they have new people but how do you not go crazy because it's [ __ ] Vegas and it has the hottest [ __ ] going on all day it's like the best party you know yeah yeah yeah but let me tell you something Budd sweetie pie if you live there it's very likely you might lose your mind Vegas has got there's a there's a void in that town you know there's a lot of good people that live in Vegas and there's a lot of fun in Vegas but there's this the lives in Vegas you know he does we all know he does he and if you live there if you were there you live there oh I don't know Brian I don't know the devil has the baddest [ __ ] Joe listen I'm 50 years old lot of fun in Vegas six years I'm still alive I might want to go to Vegas you know you get old do you want to do Monday through
Saturday first of all I wouldn't stay in the casino Joe of course I live 45 minutes out there that would not be my life at all but like when I heard Roseanne Bar she's doing it yeah she lives in Vegas now no I guess she mutes or stays I don't know what to do one day a week no she does the whole week for Jimmy Mada the whole week yeah Monday through she does the 8:00 show then 10 some a lineup comes in and they do it no [ __ ] yeah so a lot of people like that dude just changed it to 10 you know Bobby couldn't make it work it's it takes a certain comic to make it work the hotel has to get behind you you know Vegas ain't what it used to be dog it's not they you know I I read an article at the UFC brings how much money per weekend when there a Vegas or I don't know million would imagine and it's like wow yeah I see it I see the [ __ ] concessions packed you know the cheerleading competition from molala Nebraska ain't going to do that type of stuff this is the [ __ ] UFC yeah that's one of the reasons why it's so disgusting that it's illegal in New York because they would make so much money from having a UFC there it would generate so much revenue for the city it would be fantastic and the fact that these dirty unions have kept it out for for that long it's really kind of spectacular UFC at M my close your [ __ ] eyes for five [ __ ] minutes we go to the Palms first we get a steak with lobster on it or some [ __ ] a lobster [ __ ] bis and a house salad we shoot over are you [ __ ] kidding me wed and you got to remember that in New York when we get out of that [ __ ] UFC 11:00 cuz the UFC ends at 1 in New York so we'd be walking out of the garden at 1 [ __ ] 30 it's like walking into your oyster your oyster of life you know everything is open you get anything you get Chinese Cuban you get Italian the Bronx you get [ __ ] skio salad you could get whatever the [ __ ] you want at 1:30 in the morning we don't have to go get a stick we go to Chinatown go go a spaghetti and clam sauce how many spots are there in LA where you could pull that off there's a few at one in the morning there's a few name them the standard dant Tanana D dantana's open till two they is open till 2 they serve till 2 I believe they do I'm pretty sure I got a steak there I
know one night after The Comedy Store really late and it was goddamn delicious oh it's delicious with the side of pasta oh so good good googly dantana is just like one of those legit old school restaurants from the East Coast that exists in in California somehow or another and it's there very few places like that I'm going to tell you what other place exists in California Santa Monica Boulevard it's Sensational oh my God I I just was at the spot a couple weeks ago one of my favorite clubs in the country the San Jose Improv and I love it it's down the block from the hotel everything's easy origal Jo then you got [ __ ] Original Joe's for lunch and you go in there you get the house salad with the spaghetti meat I can't even eat the meatball and sausage no more cuz my heart I get so scared I just get the [ __ ] regular Ragu Sauce now no bread no butter and the house salad they cook a [ __ ] hell of a steak too they got a Char Char boil grill charcoal grill they you know use real wood charcoal no they don't [ __ ] around and the way is with those [ __ ] things tuos I've been eat that Original Joe since 80 [ __ ] five in the tender when you not that one the one the tenderloin the I've never been to that one oh they just burnt down they Jewish lightning it and then it [ __ ] something happened and they C back open happen I don't know I did sanan Francisco last week I was in town tremend another tremendous food time yeah you love that one Hill every time we go you take me to that hill to eat pasta [ __ ] go nuts like no we're going to this place that calzones calzones on Columbus oh my God we go there after shows too we go there and that's another that's a legit Place yeah that's a legit Place yeah remember there's another place down the street where I got that video of uh Tommy buns he was dancing siguro was dancing some music and you came in it was you me and secure remember that yep what's that Asian place too that we go to that like the really creepy yeah with Denny yeah that's uh well it's in like a a sketchy area where we went outside we had some Asian food after the show and uh as we left we we went outside the door and they had a aquarium driveby filled with strippers oh that's right do you remember that we got a video of of the
ho truck it's on YouTube Somewhere um this this truck pulled up we're like this is the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life and the cops would pull up aide them and Hit the Lights tell everybody sit down Sit down cuz they're only allowed to dance when the when the truck's not moving yeah so they had seat belts they' have to wear so it's like a pole and there's like some seats and like little tiny seats with seat belts and the [ __ ] cop would pull up and hit the lights and go sit down sit down this girl's dancing in a pole in the back of a [ __ ] SE and all I could think of was imagining life from their eyes you're you're naked and you're just driving around like bit like you're like like they're chumming they're chumming the whole city to try to get them into this club and they they're doing it by putting bait in a box like that's what people have been reduced to like a a woman in the smallest amount of clothes legally possible with ridiculous shoes that you know she can't run good in and she's dancing around on a pole asking you to come with her it's crazy it's ridiculous a [ __ ] fish tank full of chicks I uh I went to the Playboy mansion and I got to see all his like rare birds and they have like he has he's like the largest collector of rare birds ever really yeah and and you walk in I don't know if it's the number one but maybe in California or whatever whatever yeah right but when you walk in there's these birds there that don't even look like real birds like I was say thinking like I haven't even seen that before like in a book or a magazine or on TV so when you saw it in person it just seemed like it was fake it was so awesome he has the coolest animals like monkeys collections that I've ever seen he has these monkeys that look like old men that just come up and they like and they have like these beards and like these mustaches they look like like like Samurai did it freak you out that they they're like locked in a little cage uh no because they're humongous cages like like it was like having a cage be like the size of like a football field how many uh acres does that dude have out there it was a lot because I I got like the full tour like most times you go to the Playboy Mansion you have like it's like sectioned off and you're like at
the small piece of it uh I was there with Friends of the family like U the girl I was with her mom was married to Hugh in the 70s and so she's just like let me show you around so so I got to go it I I don't even think I saw it all I mean I walked for long periods of times on these paths where they would have like these little benches like [ __ ] stations and then go for another mile down the I would imagine that place would be expensive as [ __ ] to keep up he had a staff of about 100 200 people there too all the time I don't know he 100 200 people there a l could you imagine you had to pay a hundred people and it's to run your house yeah that's that's craziness did Joan Rivers have some [ __ ] like that I don't know Joan Rivers but you know at the end of the day that place The Comedy Store they should just pick those places up and put them together so people could see that for centuries when the world ends as it because that's one of the most interesting places in the world [ __ ] Disneyland with [ __ ] rides and Mickey Mouse the Mansion how many [ __ ] were really sucked there how many dreams were broken there how many women left there going I'm done you know what I'm saying like I just sucked 11 [ __ ] I got crabs I got chyia I'm done and he didn't put me in the magazine you think of what really happened in there because that's completely different than being on the East Coast yeah that's that's a [ __ ] den of Broken Dreams you know what was the coolest thing was how many older Playmates were there like they were the coolest girls in the world like you I was sitting in the game room smoking weed on the well I mean I don't know if I should say easy I was there was there's a room the Mansion like that there's this uh room that the the floor is made out of uh uh like a mattress so like you walk in and suddenly your feet feel weird like what the [ __ ] shoes yeah yeah get staff right I know everybody's [ __ ] they get staff but the carpet's just doesn't it looks like carpet but it's actually a mattress so so you just sit down anyways but there was like these lays that would come out of nowhere and there were beautiful C like the most beautiful cougars ever I would say 45 48 and they would just come up and like hey guys how's it going mind if I join you and you're just like that's
the coolest chicka chicka oh they is like that part of their uh their occupation to sort of mingle and well it was July 4th so I think it was more of just like all the Barbie B Barbie Bon all those chicks were Playmates bro was she really Barbie Bon was a playmate I think yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah is she still doing comedy no Barbie Benton from the 70s the brunette when we were kids the thinking Barbie with the vein in her tit from the Tomy store that used to do that weed room on [ __ ] Vermont the hotel that's Bobby yeah yeah what's she used to have the yellow car I don't is that with the yellow mer she had fake tits but they put the vein from her bicep right in her tit instead of a tattoo this [ __ ] had a big old yolk vein like she had been doing [ __ ] uh crunches not crunches but flies all after on the peck machine whatever the [ __ ] it is [Music] I I kept on thinking I was going to see Felicia Michaels it was like a bunch of like people like Felicia Michaels ficia go there no I don't think she goes there I think she's been there to part like for parties like all of us how's she doing she doing yeah she's doing whatever doing I don't know I don't know she was a funny chick man yeah they're all everybody's doing good but that play uh that place is very interesting like I went there with a complete different like I did the comedy for Tom L day years ago on Fridays oh yeah and I go and hang out and some of it I can't lie to you it's not my cup of tea you know it's not you're either going to suck my dick or you're not you're not going to walk around naked and talk to me like that you know what I'm saying suck my dick but these these uh Savages were you know and they were just people when you're looking at them and you feel bad but they they're having a great time then they have like people who come up there with the illusion that they're going to meet Playmates right like they had guys you got cologne on [ __ ] polyester suits threepiece the shoes it's really it was weird but when you look at that place you go what really went on in that well what's interesting to me is uh if I think about it the Playboy Mansion is that it's sort of like the last sort of house like that of a ever it's not going to exist
anymore I think it's going to be a museum because when I was walking through it it felt very like I could see this being a m well it should be kind of and not it's not disrespectfully at all I think that no one I mean maybe someone could do something like that in the future where they could create like a whole destination but that's a destination it's not just a house it's not just a business like they would be like oh there's the strike force fights this weekend at the Playboy Mansion like they had fights there we we went to watch fights there you know they had uh they had more than one um mixed martial arts event there I I met Hefner's kids though and his sons and I think they're going to take over I mean they look like young versions of him like I I could see them just stepping in and being like [ __ ] pimps well it makes sense he would groom them you know why wouldn't he want to keep that business in the family it's a iconic name you know it's like you can't go wrong with good management with that whole Playboy thing the crazy thing when I live just licensing those tattoos when I Liv in Boulder there was a girl in Boulder who there was a limo in Boulder at all times that said heft number one on it and it was a white stretch limo and it had a black driver and the chick was blonde and her claim to fame was that she was he's daughter really she went to the University of Colorado he drove every wi of [ __ ] limo wow a half one limo F1 limo wow in uh how much coke she did in that limo and that's what I mean how many people I know I know like James Khan was associate like I watched that movie was on about a month ago that stupid movie 21 what what was that movie that the girl got killed iic Roberts played the creepy boyfriend oh yeah no no no no I'm sorry that's come on H come on guys what the [ __ ] he she was the playmate 1981 Sharon I know they did two they did M what 19 whsh he was the playmate 0s yeah star 8s the [ __ ] is wrong Jesus Christ the [ __ ] is I'm stupid was a movie with Eric Roberts was creepy as [ __ ] and he plays her boyfriend he discovers her in Canada brings her to marries her she's like 15 isn't it strange when you see a guy like Eric Eric Roberts that you see him he starts out Popa grenwich Village he's in
this [ __ ] unbelievable movie with Mickey Roar like just an unb still to this day holds up then one day he's on Celebrity Rehab you know in between is like some karate movies and [ __ ] and you know for whatever reason like he vanishes and then has to come back now that's his daughter that's blowing up right now he got a daughter that's the chick that yeah the daughter was the the daughter on uh star 8 right there yeah star 8 wow I don't even believe I've seen this movie yeah he was creepy at the end he [ __ ] gets these benches he was making weightlifting equipment but he also his real business was he was he was making sex equipment and he takes her over there he sits her down he [ __ ] ties her he rips her legs up I mean he just destroyed her do he was he was a creepy [ __ ] he shot himself [ __ ] him you know in the movie himself shot himself two dudes they did two movies they did star r with this Broad and they did a different one with the the guy from General Hospital now the older guy I married on General Hospital you remember when they cut his thumb off po why have they they got my thumb Charlie they got my thumb but dog what he says the monologue what he says to Mickey Rook when he goes what happened here he goes she left me he goes what and he goes what's wrong with you he goes you're not the remember he just breaks it down he go sometimes they try to embarrass you and you got to backhand them and you look him in the face and tell them you don't look at nobody you don't say good night to nobody that whole little monologue look at that again very interesting he was excellent excellent excellent he was a really really good actor that's why it's weird when you see him like one day in one that crazy karate movie remember that [ __ ] I just played a karate Mass just back fist D knock out what the saddest thing is you ready for this okay I just saw the [ __ ] audition about eight weeks ago really auditioning for what auditioning for a coar like me all right so that's how that doesn't make any sense I just I don't understand how does a guy who's that talented and he was in that um Sylvester Stallone movie recently um he was in the the first one what is the one with rainy cure The Expendables yeah was he yeah yeah he was in that wasn't he I don't
know he he yeah was it yeah I'm pretty sure he was the bad guy he was [ __ ] excellent guy can act his ass off he's always and his sister don't like him his sister doesn't like see I know that when he was when they were doing he's you know who his daughter is the chick on blow the little girl in blow what the movie Blow I don't remember that that little girl and then she went out to be a Disney star she's a Disney star look her up red red man she's like some Disney chick but supposedly when they shoot at the [ __ ] Studios they have security there he can't come on the set and she's Julia Robert's niece so Julia Roberts really like [ __ ] put Security on her and stuff because she they try to keep her away from him I don't know the whole story I'm just telling you what I heard secondhand when she shoots movies or TV shows there's something going on there I don't know exactly what the [ __ ] the thing is she's really cute the kid she was the cute girl in blow that he tells he's going to meet her at the end the whole thing well when he was on That Celebrity Rehab it was very strange it just didn't make any sense that he was there like it seemed like he just needed a break didn't didn't really huh Emma Roberts Emma Rob Emma Roberts yeah Emma Roberts she's real cute right young girl she got to be safe whenever someone go on a rehab for re weed they really almost like need like a behavioral break they need like you know you go on a rehab for life like you just you're off the rails for everything you you know if if you really if you go on a a rehab reab for weed it's like uh you just need to go somewhere do you think do you think there's certain cases though that that you could see going to rehab for weed like people like you know like when Ralphie May used to be at his prime where he wouldd be like seriously smoking like two pounds of weed a day or something well he's a perfect example you know and no disrespect to Ralphie but look at him yeah and so that's obviously a very impulsive person and that's where I think that it's probably you're not dealing with just the weed itself you're dealing with life in general like there's this look we're all impulsive standup comedians are some of the most impulsive people there's something about the type of person that thinks to say the some of the [ __ ] that
we say like the way your brain works this word it's almost like an instinct for us to just be wacky you know it's it's uh so when you get a guy that like is a stand-up comedian and then you find out he's a gambling addict it's never a shock it's never a shock when they're you know you find out they're blowing all their money betting on sports like it's nor McDonald or you know they're blowing all their money on coke yeah like you for years or for me how about I lock myself in my house and I play Quake for 12 hours a day I'm a [ __ ] idiot you know it's the same thing it's like we get impulsive we have this like almost uncontrollable desire I would be sitting around I was like a I would be sitting around doing something else and all I could think of was getting back to my computer I'm like I just got to get online and play some quake and everything would be okay loading myself up with caffeine and why because it's crazy being part of being a comedian you know so I I I could kind of understand comedians being caught up in almost any like nutty impulse like that but you know marijuana really going to go to rehab for that you're going to rehab for Life son that's what you're doing life itself is just too slippery right now and you need to break which is understandable you know I need to go to rehab for Jack Daniels I think do you really how often you been drinking no I mean I mean I not for drinking in general but like I I try not to drink Jack Daniels now and it's like I miss it so much it's so hard hard not to do I've never drank Jack Danel my whole entire life except for like the last what seven months coincidentally the last year of your life you've been balling out of control you're going out Leonard skard style son you listen to a Sweet Home Alabama when your car drives off the cliff and what's the number seven mean in the the Jack Daniels The Lucky Seven or some [ __ ] like that it says it says like old number seven I don't know it's probably like their seventh version of it that they made if I had a guess let's find out Daniels old number seven seven I gamble for about four months and I knew it wasn't for me yeah I I gambled for four or five months and I was like [ __ ] you I don't trust myself I'm goingon to give my
money to some [ __ ] idiot at a diner Thursday at 5:00 over five [ __ ] dudes shooting a hoop that is not happening the rest of my [ __ ] life or baseball or [ __ ] baskets or anything that was I love going like on San Anita Park and Pasadena I take $40 with me I go I get a hot dog I get a powdered beer once the $40 is gone I get in my [ __ ] car and I go home did you just say a powdered beer powdered beer the beer they sell you at those stadiums what do you think they sell you [ __ ] dra beer powdered [ __ ] beer that's why you got a [ __ ] headache for three days you go to football game or UFC event you drink three beers wait till the [ __ ] headache you get the next day you know it's powdered [ __ ] beer you that was real how cool would that be having powdered beer it's powdered beer I'm telling you I ain't kidding you it's like nasty yeah it's this is a weird thing this Jack Daniels thing because apparently the old number seven is the original recipe I don't get it um why would they call it old number seven it says old number seven known as inred also known as Black Label this is the original Jack Daniels oh you know what it is because there's a bunch of different Jacks one two three four five six six different Jacks there's silver select green label Tennessee honey Single Barrel Gentleman Jack I like that and old number seven it's like it's like six Chuck [ __ ] Liddell everybody there is tough there ain't one weakling in that [ __ ] Circle I don't [ __ ] with none of those [ __ ] they'll [ __ ] you up can you believe that bro I really have not drank Jack Daniels so New Year in 1980 well we got a big bottle in the other room boys I had some of it um uh this weekend who [ __ ] you it's delicious Jack Daniels and a can of Coke you're [ __ ] taking me for a ride I'll tell you Jo I do some of my best comedy sets when I have a little Jack Daniels in my system I'm not [ __ ] I can't even smell it I can't [ __ ] smell it DG I can't Vegas Friday night I had like three three shots before I went on stage he brought the bottle back there I seen it there was liting you [ __ ] are drinking those with Diet Cokes it listen I could smell them in the air that crowd though was so fun they were fun was so much good stuff in the air at that at that
show that was such a positive show man no that was a great show and the people that came out listen man that UFC Expo if I I wouldn't have [ __ ] up my ankle I would have gone and walked around yeah you were limping a little bit yeah I'm good now the next day I was good something that morning I twisted it something with these [ __ ] Adidas I don't wear the high tops no more and it [ __ ] hurt but the next day I was fine but I would have gone what a great little thing yeah it's a great go a show you get to meet you can roll with people you pay $10,000 you can roll with [ __ ] Frank Mia they have seminars they had all SS of [ __ ] going on at the same time people are teaching things yeah I I think it's it's beautiful that the UFC does the when did you got when you were a kid you didn't get to play football against anybody yeah and you never got to talk to anybody either like do all Q&A with Ronda Rousey and all experience man it's a great [ __ ] did after your Q&A did you hang and talk to people you went to eat as much as I could they had a I was doing this thing for the 20y year reunion of uh or the 20- year anniversary of the UFC there's a documentary they're doing so they had to rush me up to this uh Studio that they had set up they interviewed me for like an hour before the weigh-ins then we had to rush back to uh because I had to MC the weigh-ins and they did the weigh-in the [ __ ] weighin were in the arena it was insane the weigh-ins were in The Mandalay Bay Convention Center and it was [ __ ] gigantic it was uh The Event Center manderlay Bay Event Center where they usually do the UFC so the weigh-ins were mon I know it was like 10,000 people at the weigh-ins and when Anderson Silva and widman got on stage they went nuts like you could feel this crazy electricity in the air you know and there was all these Brazilians that were booing when Weidman came out and all these people were cheering for Anderson and you hear all these accolades you know you hear everybody calling him the including me especially me calling him the greatest fighter in the history of the sport how long was that kiss for it like couple minutes second or two you know just Anderson like walked up to him and uh widman walked up closer to Anderson and then Anderson walked closer
to him and then they were face to face and neither one of them budged so they just touched faces and then Weidman uh as they backed away Weidman goes I'm not scared of you man I'm not scared of you and the Anderson goes tomorrow night I see you tomorrow night he goes I'm not scared of you he wasn't scared of him man he really wasn't and that was the difference on Saturday night he really wasn't scared of him he knocked him the [ __ ] out it's crazy it was crazy to watch like Anderson [ __ ] around like he normally does and like he more so than he normally does he humiliates guys with that it's a it's a real tactic but you got to absolutely know what your opponent can and can't do I mean maybe he could have gotten away with that with like a lesser guy or a guy who is like easily befuddled but one of the things they did in widman's Camp is they had people imitate that they had people like taunt him they had people spar with him and like pretend they were falling down and and dropping their hands and poking their face out and juking them and pot shotting them and [ __ ] and doing all the stuff that Anderson always does because he gets you in in a like a defensive shell he gets you frozen up because he moves really fast and one of his tactics is he will taunt you a little bit and then blast on you he'll blast on you can he can he he can cover distance like deceptively fast so he's really good like closing the distance and cracking dudes and sometimes he can knock him out and sometime like the vtor belfer shot or sometimes he just lights you up like the first uh few exchanges with Chris leben you know just lit him up lit him up lit him up again before he eventually stopped him I mean Anderson is a [ __ ] tremendous talent but that dropping of the hands you leave yourself so vulnerable that even a tremendous Talent like him can get knocked the [ __ ] out and that's one of the it's like big lessons of Saturday night the big lesson is everybody's vulnerable even the best guys are human beings and a human being is vulnerable the whole idea is to not get hit and it doesn't matter who the human being is if their skill levels really high High it doesn't prevent them from being damaged by a solid punch everybody gets [ __ ] up by a solid shot everybody who gets kicked in the head goes to sleep you get wheel kicked in
the head you go night night it happens to everybody it happens to the best people in the world that was like a big lesson Saturday night the auditor the arena just shut the [ __ ] up didn't it it was weird cuz the room I was in stopped it was [ __ ] stopped yeah I'm just stopped and it was uh you know what it's it's good for everybody now now they start from scratch again this is going to be interesting now well they're trying to set up the rematch um for the the word is online uh for um the new year show which is December 28th which would be madness madness Joey Diaz do you know what kind of hype and I guarantee you in a rematch Anderson Silva is gonna dot his eyes and cross his te is this his first knockout though he's never been knocked out before his entire people usually get though after a knock out sometimes yeah you're right absolutely looking at that too yeah they be they become vulnerable they become human beings and not only that the reality is if you get knocked out it's easier you to get knocked out again and who knows what's happened in training I mean who knows he's sparring with like really high level guys in training on a regular basis you know he's sparing with uh with Macha with FIA like there's a lot of those black house guys that are [ __ ] badass beasts you know like who knows who's tagging him in the gym especially when he's doing long hard rounds so everyone turns 38 at one point in their life and Anderson Sil was 38 38 so you have to think about that as well but you know what when I was growing up I was 35 Dave one Fields 35 but we both discussed this look at our board is 42 how about yeah how about Bernard Hopkins 48 got three that's that's who I was talking about I think when not I think Anderson's got three three more good good good battles left oh and after that and you know what they are even more if he fights smart let me tell you something man before he got knocked out he was looking Lightning Fast he was slamming leg kicks in he avoided being submitted he got back up to his feet he got out of a heel hook and got back up to his feet it's not like Anderson looked bad no but what he did was he does what he does that that taunting thing I mean when he knocks a guy out because of it it's awesome and it looks
great but when you get knocked out man it's like that NOS commercial you know that NOS commercial where the guy does these flippy kicks goes fly the and the other guy just blast on the chin just CAU him boom that's um there's there's a reason why that's in a commercial that whole scene plays out in the commercial as like sweet Justice like justice to the guy who taunts and that's why the whole crowd was booing Anderson they were booing Anderson when Anderson got knocked out I mean that's that's weird it's it's but it's a natural reaction that they had no one told them that they had to boo but there was a lot of people booing there was a tremendous amount of people booing the best fighter in history because he got caught and I think that is fascinating they like they felt he let them down because he got knocked out doing something stupid and they're like yeah what did you do man boo meanwhile what happened to him man he just lost the title I mean he made an assload of money but he just lost the title in devastating fashion and people have no empathy like boo boo people don't give a [ __ ] don't give that's one of the cold realities of Life the cold [ __ ] realities of Life Dog and once the envelope sails and the Glam is gone the part have you seen unfortunately though that sucks man that sucks sucks about does but that's say man I saw it with my mother I saw it with a thousand but you would never do that no why would I if you if you were there in the audience and you saw single down you imagine I was at home heartbroken never boom he's still the [ __ ] I know what happened I yeah as a fan I'm [ __ ] you know who the [ __ ] told you to [ __ ] around you know I'm the same I don't even like [ __ ] around when I'm walking around Brian I don't even like [ __ ] around when you're walking around pay [ __ ] attention you go to an airport and you put your [ __ ] online the people in front of you and you're like pay [ __ ] attention yes I don't like that [ __ ] but if you [ __ ] do it and you pull it off it's spectacular spectacular but F or when he fought [ __ ] Damen me if you live By The Sword you die by the [ __ ] sword that's why it's called karma yeah the fight before that I did that's the first time I watched the fight I didn't want
to end even if even if [ __ ] Frankie would have knocked Rafael out or Lia I would have said listen let him go again let him go six or seven rounds that was a great fight right the fight before that was a great it was a great fight it was a great night of fights bro tremendous uh it was one of the most exciting nights of fights ever every jiujitsu guy is lighting a [ __ ] candle for Roger Gracie right now what happened there I don't expect that couldn't for whatever reason the uh his MMA game is nothing like his JJ Jiu-Jitsu game off the chain he should just go back to fighting in Jiu-Jitsu tournaments man it's like some great [ __ ] fights how about Cub Swanson oh my God godamn oh my God that was insane that was the best that kids ever looked what was the accuracy was insane he tried a cartwheel kick no no no he did a he went to do an uppercut yeah and he went for or he faked and he came up with an upper he did something very beautiful yeah he was doing a lot of s [ __ ] like that beautiful [ __ ] he's really crafty like he's very UNC very creative and unpredictable he's like fakes low and kicks high he does a lot of weird [ __ ] you 55 brother no he's 45 he's 145 yeah that adds a complete different let's just let's just put him up against the dude who wanted to fight bson Henderson in minneap let's do it that's a fight right there that's a hell of a fight right there would be a great fight that's a fight right there well I would like see a rematch with him and Aldo cuz you know he fought Aldo and got caught with a flying knee uh like a double knee may maybe like 10 seconds into the fight it was very quick Al Aldo jumped up and nailed him on the forehead with a flying knee cut him open he was nasty I mean you know he didn't get a chance to get into the fight he just got caught and I think that he's a way better fighter now than he was then I think it'll be really interesting after watching him fight sier like godamn man he lit up yeah he lit those combinations are insane because he was so accurate like the last combination that he knocked him out with he hit him with like three or four ridiculously accurate shots while you know there's a lot of chaos going on they're scrambling he's scrambling after him and he's catching him on the jaw
that was a great fight it was a lot of great fights man a lot of great fights see people didn't give Tim Ken Kennedy enough credit for that fight no Tim Kennedy even had his back he took him down man [ __ ] had his back and was slamming him in the face I was like what the [ __ ] is going on he's getting punched that's what's going on man Jiu-Jitsu is one thing but Jiu-Jitsu with punches to the face by a guy who's a black belt in Jiu-Jitsu changes the whole game like you might not be he might be better than Tim Kennedy at straight jiujitsu if they had a regular jiujitsu match but Kennedy's got a good enough Jiu-Jitsu that he could hang he can defend himself like he's not scared to Grapple with like really high level guys and he's strong as [ __ ] but Kennedy is also a boxer he can hit hard when he gets it to the ground he's got real mixed martial arts skills when he gets it to the ground he'll thum you with punches and so the guy like hoder he's not really quite a complete MMA fighter yet he's just This brilliant Jiu-Jitsu guy who's entering into MMA and there's guys like Kennedy out there they'll they as long as they're hitting you in the face like you're not going to submit them it's a just a completely different ball game you're all dizzy and [ __ ] your face is Puffy and you can't see out of your right eye I mean that's the reality of getting punched in the face it's I don't like seeing it when guys like really good at Jiu-Jitsu and I see them come to MMA and they're just getting [ __ ] up just it kind of bothers me because I I feel like you know they're not ready yet you should have if you're going to really enter into MMA it has to be a long-term proposition and you should look at it as like what are your strengths your strength is Jiu-Jitsu okay what's your weakness your weakness is stand up well you got to fix that you got to fix that first you can't even think about getting in there unless you could fight in a kickboxing match cuz you're going to be going right away to some of the highest level guys in the world cuz you're hodri Gracie they a guy like that and they don't like they don't like move him along slow you know he's going to fight highlevel guys because of his name pretty quickly and because of his reputation in Jiu-Jitsu whereas the reality of his striking is he's only
been striking a few years you know you need many years on the books before you go and strike with a guy like leoto Mach or something like that you just need a lot of years on the books you have to get them because he's gonna light you up he's gonna hit you with he's gonna pot shot you and he's gonna crack you and you're not gonna be able to stop him and he's going to hit you three or four times like that and he's going to knock you out it's a sneaky game the Striking game striking game is a different game some guys can just adapt real quick like there's some Dan Henderson type dudes that like almost right away within a couple of years they're dangerous as [ __ ] but some dudes just never quite get the hangs got it real [ __ ] quick that picked it up inantly and you see it you see when the Jiu-Jitsu guys a real Jiu-Jitsu guy his striking is very slow sometimes yeah it's and you're saying wow how is he in the [ __ ] octagon but maybe I you know they know something I don't maybe you and Sosa know something I don't know yeah well I think we're dealing with a new era of mixed martial artist I don't think people are ever going to try there's that that um Aldo jump flying knee watch this booom that's like the first exch of the fight he double flying knees him in the face it was insane cut him cut him real bad over his eyebrow yeah look at that Yik yeah I mean but that's one of those things like I said I mean anybody who gets hit by that that's a reality and we you know a lot of great guys don't get hit like that but if they did that's what would happen you know it's you can't avoid that that was a big lesson it's an important lesson Saturday night important lesson for martial artists because people like to think that because a guy's really good that he can somehow or another magically take punishment better not really it's a [ __ ] lesson for everybody that's a lesson for everything in life karma is a [ __ ] you see it in a lot hey bro you see it in basketball sometimes you'll see a team that's got a reputation to Fast Break mhm and all of a sudden this team that nobody's talking about they fast break through they go on the finals and the coaches say fast break them and the team that's been fast
breaking [ __ ] they know how to execute but they forget how to defend the fast break and they [ __ ] lose it happens all the time in different type of sports in different situations man the rematch is going to be absolutely F going be fascinating to see what's going to happen there the rematch with wide and Anderson Silva will be the greatest rematch in the history of the UFC no doubt about it and everybody's going to want to know if widman can do it again and everyone's going to want to know how is Anderson gonna recover that's going to be fascinating as [ __ ] man woo that's G to be crazy Jesus I can't write out a guy like Anderson Silva I've been right there with you watching Can't 17 fights and the three or two before that on YouTube whatever you can't write this guy off you cannot write him off this gu is not but then however however we've seen it with a lot of other Fighters age takes whatever the money the children you know it's it's a new age I can't wait to see today I saw a picture this Gerson against Jon Jones the [ __ ] uh the the whatever look at that fight those are two monsters that's two monsters yeah well you know and one of the things about a guy like Anderson we're comparing him to a guy like Bernard Hopkins who's 10 years older than him watch how Bernard fights Bernard Hopkins is a brilliant defensive fighter brilliant you very rarely see Bernard Hopkins get clipped you know and when he gets clipped his boxing is good enough that he knows how to go into a shell he knows how to move he knows how to give you angles and he gets away with [ __ ] he's got a good chin and he gets away with [ __ ] and one of the reasons why he's got a good chin is he hasn't taken a beating ever he's never taken a beating his entire career you know Bernard Hopkins like he kept his skills past any of the fighters of his prime like think about his fight with Roy Jones Jr like him and Roy Jones Jr they duked it out once and Roy beat him but when they duked it out a second time Bernard Hopkins basically just like boxed him just boxed him up because Bernard's skills hadn't deteriorated like Roy's reflexes like Roy's skills were so reflex-based he was so speed and reflex based in my opinion he was the scariest boxer that you would ever have
to compete against I mean Mike Tyson was ferocious and terrifying so I shouldn't say he was just man it was close actually that was the actually a line in a a Nas song this is welcome to the new world the new Mike Tyson's Roy Jones that was because Roy Jones was just knocking everyone silly he didn't do it the same way that Tyson did he did it with just like speed and ridiculous combinations and insane accuracy he could just move in a way that other dudes couldn't move like if you go back and watch like his highlight reels godamn he was amazing but he fought like this weird Style with your hands down and he didn't throw a lot of Jabs he threw like a leaping left hook but he was so fast with it he would just catch guys on the chin he would light him up with it he threw a lot of lead right hands he had like a different style and his style was based on his ability to cover ground and his accuracy and as soon as he started getting older and started getting hit and slowed down that style was like a now actually a detriment and so he stopped being offensive like one of the most disheartening things about watching Roy Jones Jones Jor fight now it's not that he's still fighting is that he's not hurting anybody like can you watch him fight he's he's he has to be much more defensive he's been knocked out a few times now so now it's like his boxing is almost like he's he's boxing he's trying to win but he's also trying to not get knocked out how old is he though I believe he's 40 does he he ow money yeah he wants to get in MMA that's why he was dead the word is uh there was an article uh about some tax issues and some you know I would imagine that he thinks that there's some good money for him in MMA and even at his age all the fights that he's been in and the the toll that that takes on your body his boxing skills are so far and above the average MMA fighter that it would be kind of interesting especially if you give a guy like Roy Jones Jr little tiny gloves think of how fast he is with regular gloves you know I mean imagine give Manny Pacquiao little MMA gloves and and imagine how quick he's punching you in the face can you even see it coming I mean how do you stop that there's like 4 o on them as opposed to the what is it six or eight that he's wearing on a regular
basis that's a big difference man those little tiny knuckle gloves that's a big difference a guy like Manny Pacquiao got an MMA Jesus just teach him how some teach him some butterfly guard how to sprawl how to get back to your feet just work with them on that for a couple of years and then set them loose how old does m know it's a good question he's in his 30s right 36 Manny Pacquiao how old is Manel Pacquiao hey don't be a dick I don't know how to say it right would you like to search searching how ISO Pacquiao yeah pillo what the [ __ ] yeah he was born uh December 17th he's 34 34 he's a young man no he's not no he's not not in the world of boxing the world of boxing is a different world there's only a few Bernard Hopkins as a matter of fact he's the only one that I can even think of there's no one else that's managed to keep their career going that deep into their 40s no one in the world of boxing Mao's 34 what I'm saying is he hasn't taken a lot of be he has yeah he's had he's been in some Wars and that last knockout that Juan me Marquez knockout that's a career changer that's a career changer because he ran into a telephone pole right hand I mean literally ran into it so it was him moving forward really fast and Marquez catching him on the button and they had two Wars before that where they dropped each other so those guys have had he's gone through those fights and then the fight he lost with Bradley that wasn't a war but it was a tough fight you know but if you go like back to like some of his uh his fights before then you know he he had been in some crazy fights I mean even though he's still winning and looking spectacular you know there there's some wild exchanges 34 yeah and you know who know I mean there was also like rampant speculation of performance enhancing substances I don't know if that's true or not you know and then there's always the question are they when when Fighters do those things it's like um are they going to continue to do them how are they going to like regulate it how how do they like when you hit like really high peaks like performance-enhancing drug Peaks the real issue is if they are doing something illegal how are they going to
maintain that level and will they maintain that level it's an artificial level so it's like you're going to go ups and downs you got to take time off in between doing it you got to make sure you catch it right and sometimes they don't and when they don't you know you'll see like real inconsistencies in their performance you see them when they look absolutely Sensational and then you see them when they're in this like lull spot in between Cycles who's not doing drugs can you please tell me it's a good question who's not doing drugs good question I think a lot of Fighters aren't doing drugs I know BJ Penn I don't say I know but I'm pretty sure I mean I don't think he would lie about that that's part of like his whole honor with the whole uh fight game and John Fitch I think is another one I don't think John Fitch has ever done anything I personally talked to him about it and he said he would never be able to live it himself if you know he knew that he got there because he was doing something he was using something that dude got really far with just like [ __ ] grittiness and toughness and will you know without any enhancement to his body artificial but there's a lot of folks out there that do do it I don't know how many you wouldn't know unless you're there with them it's all speculation because some guys just have Sensational genetics some guys are just they're just unbelievably robust and they heal quick and they look great and you would swear that they're on something but they not on [ __ ] you know which is part of the weird arguments is cuz like not everybody is born like everybody says it's an even playing field but it's not you know if you're fighting you're fighting Jon Jones you're 5 foot2 there's no evil even playing field oh you both weigh 205 yeah I should be fine there's not this an even playing field you're crazy he has a super body you can't you don't have a chance it's not even and there's nothing you can do by the way you could take all the steroids in the world you're never going to beat Jon Jones he had the mechanical advantage of his frame and his athleticism the average guy is never going to be able to [ __ ] with that but you figure like every actor over 50 right now in Hollywood is shooting [ __ ] [ __ ] music positions are on the
tour doing the 60 and 70 they're shooting [ __ ] well most the guys I think use the cream they use uh you see those those cream ads testosterone cream now what about the spray our friend said that is going to be huge there a spray yeah an oral spray is it good yes that's going to be the next one yes apparently the uh absorption rate is is even better than um rubbing it on your skin the trans dermal method it's better when you put it in your mouth you spray it like a you give yourself a shot in the morning with your like you you know your uh mouthwash do your mouthwash and then give yourself a shot of testosterone and you're off on your way is that cream you have to rub all over your whole entire body or you rub it on your upper arms and shoulders what if you just masturbated with it you could masturbate with it I guess would it help anything maybe but what if you cleaned up and you accidentally cleaned up your test cream because you thought it was just chizz you would waste some of your test cream unless you're a dirty Bast you just nut all over yourself and then pull your underwear over it and let it all cook let it all stew inside your your ball sack area I've been masturbating with Monistat once a week now because it like keeps your your levels like down your levels of what AIDS no what levels do you have what is Monistat first of all is that some [ __ ] women use for yeast infections absolutely what is wrong with you because I found out that you can have guys have yeast infections and that's why like if you have sex with a girl and she has a yeast infection a lot of times you gave it to her because you have don't have usually any symptoms so one of the things to get rid of that is put monat on your dick and around your balls and around that [ __ ] at least once a month but he's like every 20 minutes here's the weirdest thing Joe Rogan 94 I was open my comic and I was getting divorced and I moved to New York and I would work in the city and I was on the Coke and I had to send child support I just couldn't make it all work so part of my angle every morning I get a suit before I went to work in the city I go to Fort Lee right there by George Washington Bridge and they just finished stocking the shelves and I have a briefcase like a bookcase like I was a businessman going to the city and I'd
put monat in there in the cases and uh monat and there was something else they like like not the little aspirins but the big aspirins uh and I'd walk over the George Washington Bridge take it to a bod and that's all they would buy from you is East infection medication like that's what they tell you when you brought them [ __ ] they're like keep bringing it that's the most important thing up in Spanish Harlem that minus that seven so I would walk it over the bridge I get like 60 70 bucks those days I was an open mic I didn't give a [ __ ] I was just going over there just enough to have money to get a hot dog a bag of weed and do whatever that's how crazy they but the guys would say make sure it's the mon step bring the mon is isn't amazing how much people identify with their genitals because there's a a thing that women hate more than not more than anything there's a lot I mean that's massive generalization that I has stop myself but there's one thing that a lot of women really do not appreciate and that's stinky [ __ ] jokes you know know you could talk about your stinky feet you can talk about a girl stinky feet you can talk about a girl's breath you can talk about a girl's butt you can't talk about a girl stinky [ __ ] to them to them you can't there's a lot of people that don't like when you talk about it even on stage like yes yes yes I've seen someone do a stinky [ __ ] joke and then I've seen women in the audience going oh come on just upset that you put that possibility out there I could I've never smelt a bad [ __ ] [ __ ] like what people talk about it's cuz you did a lot of coke know your knows is like I'm a [ __ ] against that if I pick up a chick at a bar and she's dirty I'm take I'm make that take take a shower it's not going to help I don't oh yes it will it won't help us a infection no no but I no I'm lying yes it will finger banged a girl Idaho Falls Indian an American Indian I fing she had those Daisy Dukes on I was doing one those triple one nighters and I'm all horn dub up I got like $32 I got no blow I'm drinking Budweiser Furious and I'm dancing with and she let me touch her ass Joe Rogan and I stick my hand in like this way like four finger Lou a [ __ ] [ __ ] and I had that [ __ ] yog F hand look at the size of his hand and I was fingering her this
way you know uh Bruce Le you know I was like Maki style and I took it out and I I could I was dancing with it and I could smell my hand and that was it I remember I just [ __ ] like I got to go do something was you can't get it off do you know that the smell of fish is actually from old [ __ ] usually so if it's a really strong fish smell that means there's come inside of her that's funny because that's what my balls always smell like if I jerk off and don't wipe up it smells like fish this what it smells like realize I'm pathetic I used to take WIP up my own jizz I shoot shoot in my pubes and pull my underwear out by the way I've done that dozens of times in my life too not just once I shoot if I jerk off I just shoot a load on my pubes I don't even bother cleaning it up I just pull my underwear up I do that especially if I'm in the house I'm like as long as it's covered what do I give a [ __ ] if I'm in the hotel and by myself I'll bang run the shorts I don't give a f i bang one out in the bed and laid on it I don't give a [ __ ] it's my own [ __ ] all day that's I all day about it this is my little tropical helmet juice but that was the only time I really ever like I dated a chick that before I started dating the chick was a little PR this when I was like 1920 and I didn't know what to expect of a [ __ ] and it didn't smell like oh my goodness she took care of it what happened no that what she took care of it it was amazing that's good I I would sniff it and everything and never sniffed nothing it was delicious I I I knew a girl when I was young that had a problem did you say something to her no I did not I was too I couldn't I mean it those was back then when you know when you're in your teenage years and you're fooling around you don't know what the hell you're doing and the last thing you to do is start bringing things up did you keep eating it though oh no there was none of that no there's was none of that going on she didn't want you to do that she knew something was wrong but it was just like it was one of those things where I bet you know she was a Catholic girl and I bet her parents didn't talk to her about it I bet she had no idea and I bet she thought that's just what they smelled like you know and it was it was unfortunate you know she
figured it out later though later in life she called you up and told you no no no I I I I hooked up with her later when I was in like in my 20s like once and uh I was like oh it's all all cleaned up now imagine if it still was a mess like longest running yeast infection ever just no one ever talked to her it was just like always this thing that was never discussed yeah some do you ever prejudge a woman like do you judge a woman and go like chick's [ __ ] like sometimes I look at a woman I go I guarantee a [ __ ] smells [ __ ] horrible you know her ass I could look at a chick and go I guarantee her ass smells [ __ ] well if you seen a girl that's like a sloppy drunk with dirty feet you got to imagine there's something going on I always go by weight usually because bigger girls have a worse smell yeah cuz they could be like trying to clean their [ __ ] for like the last five years and it was like the wrong crack yeah but I date this Italian skinny chick had a little Wang to her monkey when I was a kid I mean it didn't stop me from E her monkey it didn't stop me from eating her she was skinny she had to be like 90 lbs but her [ __ ] weighed 60 she was one of those chicks and she was Italian so it smelled like [ __ ] it was tremendous like Mozel like by the way dog when you're in AI down the block from that [ __ ] Cuban joint you turn me on that Domingos ain't bad huh is it have it been yeah I got the meatball sandwich I got the calamari salad where's that is it like a deling up yeah right up the block from [ __ ] on Ventura yeah Domingos I went there the other day lot good restaurants on that street lot good restaurants bro somebody was telling me that's inventur by my house like Studio say that's where invented Sushi is that true no [ __ ] people like bro that's where they invented Sushi and [ __ ] sushi in Japan I don't know you never know no more do when let me tell you something you're Italian right you've been Italian all your life when did you eat your bread a year ago I never what I'm saying you never ate chabata bread heard of it there was never chabata bread this [ __ ] that they invent now that even the [ __ ] people going the Mexicans Taco Bell invents more [ __ ] Spanish people yeah chalupas and galup even Mexicans
are like what the [ __ ] are they talking about so you never know anymore I don't know what she was invented on vanise yeah what's what Taco Bell do in commercials where they have chefs pretending that the flavor had to be just right like they have a [ __ ] don't put anything online don't get us to famed images but you know that commercial I thought you were going to throw oh the little lady with the Mexican woman she's smelling vegetables like really I'm [ __ ] she's smelling the [ __ ] vegetables with those [ __ ] radiation [ __ ] yeah and who does that also is uh dominoes like have you had Domino what the [ __ ] yeah with frozen pizza crust with shitty sauce that's what is is Domino's Frozen I don't think they're frozen I don't think anybody does that but yeah all Garden all all G's food is Frozen is it I think so I think I think that what what the the the story is is that they get like like things like almost like uh frozen food where they just kind of tha it out on noodles like that the whole thing's just Frozen get the [ __ ] out of here do you can't say that unless you know for sure we can get trouble allegedly stop your allegedly you got to stop doing that dude you're going to get people sued Google it you can't just say that Olive Garden does that you're the one who's always talking about the [ __ ] Olive Garden like it's so awesome now you're turning on them this is a classic case of a relationship gone bad people get used to each other and then they turn on them at one time you were my love and now I hate you the truth behind their school well you read up on that and get back to us later all right read it up you can't be defaming uh a fine American institution Jesus Christ I said alleged how dare you no but you're I know you're in that area that whole area is BMB that [ __ ] Versa I love that place that Cuban joint that we go to the [ __ ] beans everybody says that chicken with garlic garlic chicken with onions do you like onions they smother it with onions Cub style that chicken is so goddamn good it's the best chicken in the world I love that chicken yeah that that Domingos is next to baklava Factory okay know exactly what it is right in there and they [ __ ] make I mean I've been
hearing it from Steve Simone Diago they bring and then diino brought me a half a meatball sandwich to the house he go taste this and I was like yeah there's an episode of Anthony bouraine show where he goes to this spot in New York City that's been around since the 1800s with the same family and they bring him over spaghetti with gravy and meatballs and that's what they call it gravy gravy they call it gravy back then it's like old style East Coast Italian and you look at the spaghetti is yellow and the the sauce is red look that meatball like oh my God that's red lead that's that's what kills you like you got to eat that at 5 and go for a walk red lead because just realizes you what do they put in there what do real guine put in that sauce let's get down to it br br sausage meat nothing healthy like now Italians now for the last 10 years now real Italians because of their heart they eat turkey got put a little turkey in that [ __ ] it tastes the same dog don't wor turkey you written on dog it tastes the same that [ __ ] started 10 years ago yeah but you think about what red lead is they put the beef the [ __ ] Sunday sauce yeah there's nothing healthy in there yeah they always had a Sunday sauce and the Sunday sauce would be just all kinds of [ __ ] sausage and meat why you think you go to sleep after you eat it how many protein grams do you your body assimilates what 30 grams I don't know 30 you need 150 a day to build muscle that [ __ ] is 90 your body crashes like your body crashes dog the fat from the pork F and the pork and the [ __ ] bread that's where the flavor the pork's the flavor that's a flavor good FL yeah oh my god oh you got to have the pork the pork's the flavor don't put too much with don't put too much onions I put one onion so I that [ __ ] scene makes me hungry every time when Paulie slicing the uh the the the the the garlic with the razor blade with a manicure oh my with a [ __ ] manicure in jail in jail what you got what they got what they got for us you got some bread throat over here got some wine gotami got some I got some if that was really I wonder if that was really how they lived they they really really did you could get anything in there you know I called uh I'm trying to do a special so I'm trying to figure out what to do and it's between Houston
and Denver but if I do it in Denver I'm going to go close to where I did time at Camp George West it's a little Camp right by Golden Colorado the house of Coors dude I think I'm going to do my next special in Denver yeah I think it's that's the place to go I think I'm going to do my next special at a comedy club really yeah I think I'm going to do my next one at the Comedy Works in Denver that's not a bad idea yeah I haven't talked to Wendy about it take it back it's one of my favorite places to be yeah yeah I like those small things too that's the problem I'm having I want a comedy club but I he that some comedy clubs you got to give them 20 grand when you're saying you oh no when you're saying you would do it uh where near where you got arrested like where was that I got arrested in Boulder so I could do the Fox Theater Boulder's great I can do a bunch of stuff do Boulder while school's in session are you [ __ ] kidding me we could go there anytime we want you you tell me you want to book a show in Boulder I'll book a show with you tomorrow in Boulder man I love it trying to my wife and bring her back there forever Boulder is the [ __ ] that's the Greatest Town on Earth I mean it's right up there with Alaska that Anchorage Alaska but Alaska gets too cold bould get how good was the fish up there though it's incredible did you get any hit did you eat any no yeah no I I think we had some H fish I had some crab legs how good were they oh amazing amazing you get them fresh you're getting fresh Alaskan king crab legs [ __ ] gston with that [ __ ] $82 in gets here two days later what's really badass about Alaska is the people though the people are just topnotch man they were so [ __ ] cool it couldn't have been cooler it was just like one of those places you're like oh I get it when you're just there for a day you need just like oh man people are they're they are different up here they're different because they got to deal with an extreme climate and they all bond together you know like they were talking one of the dudes that was working there was talking about Jewel you know cuzz jewel is from Alaska and apparently something happened once where she had to cancel a show and uh then when she came back after she had canceled it was like really low
attendance CU people were disappointed they don't forgive you for stuff like that like they think like you like you you're a part of a community and if you cancel something especially if you don't have like the best excuse ever they get upset at you I found that I don't know they said she's normal they said she's like a normal person she's out there just you know every knows where her house is no nobody [ __ ] with her by the way it's like just normal have you watched the Liberace movie no on HBO I heard you were doing a bit about it on stage I didn't hear it I loved it I loved it really it's so some people it's to to for me it's to see what I seen growing up creepy old [ __ ] trying to pick up young [ __ ] guys and doing it and how he did it Joe how he did it how he did it he had a lawyer he had his manager that would just write the people checks you got to give him the jewelry back back it was brilliant that's funny I'll tell you what he did he the Matt Damon's character he made him get plastic surgery to look like him watch the [ __ ] movie that's hilarious watch the [ __ ] movie you're gonna die you're gonna die when he gets Matt Damon inside control with his dick in his mouth oh my God he goes look who's up he just swallows that [ __ ] sword listen to me watch the movie is it really that good just watch the movie D that sounds probably going to be like Brokeback Mountain it's not like Brokeback Mountain but it's thing to see you know listen man we've heard some [ __ ] up [ __ ] living in Hollywood we've heard a lot of stories yes but you never heard of a [ __ ] making another [ __ ] do plastic surgery to look like him to look like him and then threw his ass out and gave him 75 grand wow so I found out the Olive Garden thing I guess it used to be fresher back in the day they used to make noodles out in the open so everyone could see it and stuff but the C cut cost they've kind of cut certain things but but it's it's uh a lot of people were saying like always say the sauces were always Frozen supposedly half the shit's Frozen half of it's not but just like every other restaurant you don't get chicken raw chicken every day listen if you want low prices you got you got to deal with that [ __ ] so this Liberace movie It's called behind the calabra calabra right and
when did it come out it came out by the two months ago and I didn't watch it I didn't know what it was and I got stuck watching it one night and I'm like what the [ __ ] this is amazing he was a veterinarian now this guy picked him up and how he got rid of the guy a veterinarian how he got rid of the guy before him like that he just got rid of them and then he had a bunch of guys that and he would just latch on to young guys and touch their leg it was just really uh you got to just see the [ __ ] well that's the thing with baller gay dudes baller gay gay dud they get twinks these guys are real old school [ __ ] bro he had a wig he had a wig he sucked that Matt he was sucking dick without his wig on first take his wig offie first time Matt Dam ah who's this and he goes oh that's the first time you saw me without a wig and it's [ __ ] Michael Doug oh my God yeah you got to just 20 30 minutes I'm watching that I'm watching that tonight that's my favorite new movie and I haven't even seen it that might be my favorite movie and I haven't even seen they always you know when I first got here in 98 the big thing was that book you'll never work in this town again remember that hooker wrote a book and she had Don Henley in the book and Charlie Sheen how rude Don Henley would get five hookers tell them to bend over they weren't even allowed to pop their head open they were all in downward dog for hours nobody in that group of hookers had carpal tunnel syndrome do you understand me right he would make five hookers come over put them down and I'm not trying to be cute he'd do Coke and walk around with a robe and put his dick in him pump him twice take it out walk over to the other hooker pump it twice then look at him and go put on Hotel California and sit down do two more lines of up in the hotel that was before Viagra too this is before Viagra and this is but now it was like but he asked him he asked him Liberace he's like how do you do it how do you how do you [ __ ] do it how do you uh you know how did you [ __ ] me four times today and he so there's [ __ ] in there too you can see Liberace does the poppers and Matt Damon won't sniff the poppers so wow this sounds like the best movie ever now how how does poppers make you get your dick hard is that poppers
was like a relaxing I'm not a POA type of guy but in the gay community I guess when you're [ __ ] another guy in the muffler you hit him with a POA and it keeps his dick hot I don't know so don't quote me a PO I I was never into Papa what's what they call it what's the little [ __ ] thing guys female nitrates but what what's there's a brand locker room what is it is it a brand is a brand a popper yeah I don't know I've never taken I don't even know what a popper is Brian's got one up his butt right now Ryan's got him in his [ __ ] house that's his middle name in Columbus Papa the [ __ ] are you Kidd this [ __ ] was making sixth grader sniff that [ __ ] it's poer speed no it's this joint it's this drink and what happened was what time at the the Miami Improv had a had a condo across the street from it the old Miami Improv and it belonged to one of the owners it was where he put his Mistresses and [ __ ] his b but after he bought the club he donated to the club and had the bed in the wall I must have [ __ ] 80 women in there I used to tie them up up there I would tie them up and put Coke rocks in their [ __ ] and [ __ ] and they would all wake up tied up like Jesus and [ __ ] and if you get that bed you can still see like eight ropes left on there I always had to get new rope to tie them up but one time I wasn't there and they called me and they like where are you and I'm like I'm in La what's going on they're like were you at the condo two weeks ago and I'm like no and they're like because whoever was there left a mess and they left a thousand poppers I go do I look like the type of mother I SN a Coke dog don't confuse me with doing [ __ ] poppers and it was a little thing like this and you opened it and it had locker in it it said was like rock locker room or something that's what it was called you would sniff it and it get you like high like for 60 seconds get the [ __ ] out of here that [ __ ] supposed to give you like instant brain damage too it's supposed to also give you AIDS I think no that was what duberg was claiming that that was a part of uh you know I shouldn't even that that was the most controversial podcast we ever did who the AIDS podcast we had this guy Peter duberg and duberg is a uh he's a professor at the University of
California Berkeley he's a biologist and he was the one that said that HIV doesn't cause AIDS so we had this guy on and tried to have him explain it to us of course we're idiots so we we don't know if what he's saying is right or wrong he might be completely full of [ __ ] he might be making [ __ ] up we we you know Brian and I have no idea and so I said well let me um get Matt Stags to see if he can get someone to debate him nobody would debate the dude everybody was telling me I was an [ __ ] for having him on because okay I don't know do you are you sure that he's not right he's a goddamn biologist at the University of California Berkeley published biologist who has re all this like peer-reviewed research on cancer that everybody respects and he's saying crazy [ __ ] like HIV doesn't cause AIDS the problem is I'm an idiot okay so when I go online and I try to read the arguments like whether or not it does or doesn't it seems to me that if more people are saying it does then I would go with them because they're scientists right there's a few of these Rogue guys like him that say it's just they're taking Amal nitrate and they're taking crystal meth and they're just crushing their immune system and that's why these guys are all getting sick and it's not HIV killing them it's party in that's killing him but then people say oh you he's a homophobe for saying this and it's a terrible thing he's doing and it's a Injustice and blood is on his hands and people are still dying of Aid so he's saying that people are getting HIV because they don't take care of exactly drug copper bottle looks like this is aaq if anybody hears this and you know oh that's legal Iraq horse yeah you can just buy them in the stores for what what's the use for what are you supposed to use it for oh my God wholesale gay poppers that's legal hold on son go back Jo's dropping knowledge on you don't promote these CU these are probably killing people but uh if anybody knows anybody that's a a biologist who wants a date or date date what a [ __ ] Peter duberg show him some AIDS no debate my apologies Mr duberg Sir it was just a joke I'm a comedian if it was any other show I you You' probably really be mad at me right now but those jokes happen
often um I wanted someone to debate him but nobody wanted to have any piece of because he was too intelligent or no I think it's like a holocaust denier like if you debate a holocaust denier you're actually like giving them some form of credit you like by even debating them especially if like a legit historian sits down with a holocaust night like it's such a Preposterous idea that even to be connected with it is somehow or another Pro promoting it and so it's so distasteful that nobody wants to talk to a holocaust Den it's a you know it's you don't even give them the time of day a holocaust denier yes okay a denier someone who says the Holocaust didn't happen there's a lot of people like that out there by the way there's a lot of crazy [ __ ] that think that the concentration camps in and I'm going to get some tweets now what you need to know is that they exaggerated the numbers and what I need to know is why are you concentrating on that why are you even trying to D doubt that aspect of history I mean if you ever watch those videos where you see those poor [ __ ] people being led to the concentration camps there's no doubt horrific [ __ ] went on you know that you trying to reduce the number it's it's actually 4 million not six it's horrible time in history disgusting you know what's really [ __ ] up about the Holocaust it was so recent you know when I was a little kid I remember I was I was born in 1967 and when I was a little kid uh I remember that we were like talking about World War II and uh we were talking about World War II and the Holocaust and it seemed so long long ago because it was you know at the time maybe like 30 years ago like 1977 or something like that when I was 10 and it seems like a million years ago but now when I think back of 30 years ago like 1977 is like basically 30 years ago that [ __ ] is so recent it's so goddamn recent like I can remember 1977 I don't remember a lot of things I remember my mother had a gold Barracuda you know I remember uh we uh lived in San Francisco I remember [ __ ] I remember some [ __ ] from from 1977 so that freaks me out that that recently people could have done that that that recently people could have just decided that all Jews are evil and we're going to kill them all you know
how many people did Stalin kill you know how many people how many people did Hitler kill just 47 what's crazy7 you ever see Hitler's artwork no amazing he was a really talented artist like he could have totally just been a famous artist first of all how dare you you're never never supposed to give credit credit at all to Hitler like someone in the UFC Q&A said if you could fight anyone in history who' it be I said Hitler so I'll [ __ ] Hitler up I'd kick the [ __ ] out of Hitler that's a I'll bet the house that I'm going to win some come on man they don't even have vitamins back down who [ __ ] that dude up with a stupid mustache look at that that's pretty sweet though I mean he was a pretty good artist that is kind of amazing so Hitler was a good artist yeah well you know who else saw kavorkian we've shown those on the podcast before remember kavorkian was a freaky artist man did he die yet I do not know I think he did remember for years you heard about him every other [ __ ] week now you don't hear nothing they put him in jail when he was an old man you know the whole thing's kind of crazy should be able you know should be able to die when you want to die man you're especially if you're in [ __ ] serious pain like why why shouldn't he be able to die there's a new uh Hitler's chicken have you heard about that Hitler's chicken yeah it's in Thailand that just opened up and their KFC is going to assume because it was an old KFC and they actually oh my God Hitler Fried Chicken in Thailand oh my God it's KFC and they just put Hitler's face on it oh my God that's so crazy why can't you do that though has enough time passed I bet you could sell gask Khan french fries I bet if you had gask Khan's fries I think it's because nobody would [ __ ] with yeah but I think it's because ovens are involved you know and you know the ovens I didn't think of that how do you know they're not frying them oh that's true yeah they use like deep frying techniques who do who gives a [ __ ] it's chicken it's not a [ __ ] human it's just it's not long enough ago but you could have genghiskhan french fries you could have H how about Caesar Little Caesar how about that Caesar was an evil [ __ ] they were all evil [ __ ] they're all responsible for the death of
millions now they're a cute little cartoon that's hold up a pizza [ __ ] Little Caesar you ever think of that think of Little Caesar Caesar was there's never been a Caesar Julius Caesar never been a Caesar didn't have blood on his hands Romans were crazy they were [ __ ] Savages by the time the fall of the Roman Empire was going on how many those Caesars didn't have like a few deaths on their hands quite a few what's up with that is that the Hitler chicken that's a Hitler chicken that's [ __ ] crazy yeah well Hitler didn't walk like that it's a Nazi chicken right now if what does it say that [ __ ] just to go back to that [ __ ] bottle you had what does it say it does to you the gay poppers Joey still fascina it's never left he's been pretending to care about Hitler I don't give a [ __ ] about Hitler [ __ ] that [ __ ] [ __ ] listen I'm done with Coke but poppers I'm not out of the question I would I talk to my doctor poers are good for my heart that's why they sell them in the black market G turns out Joe Rogan gay dudes have a 10% healthier heart because of poppers so tell dber you can shove it up your ass uh the effects are in like like brief but intense the effects are a sudden surge of blood to the heart in the brain so like if you if you wanted to doesn't sound good if you wanted to answer a really important question take some poppers uh if you want to answer a really important question will you marry me hold on one in the ass or like or if you're on a game show how long would you say if you're on a game show throw a Popp in your mouth Brian you give the worst advice ever imagine some poor foolies in front of Jew carries trying to guess the price is right and you're like Brian red B said I should do a pop right now it says that it uh it's time slowing down it feels like it's time slowing down so like uh it also is a heat flush sometimes light headiness Gess someone's doing that two to five five minutes and uh someone's going to do by the way speaking of drugs you see the [ __ ] Michael Jackson [ __ ] was going on with this trial no they ain't giving this [ __ ] money though who the worst thing they could have done with this trial was really open up the world to what this guy
really was did you see the yesterday's article no I haven't been following at all the ass cuz of the tracks on his ass oh no like the skin was too damaged from just shooting himself in the ass my God oh God this guy was [ __ ] out there and somebody a doctor that I go to see said to me he goes these people don't know what kind of worms are going to open up by doing this this guy had skeletons in the closet that go back 30 [ __ ] years since Off the Wall well any guy who's like doing that much to his face like the craziness that he was doing like that famous picture of him where he had his nose like have like there was like a skin graft over his nose I think he was in in court right you remember that picture Brian yeah pull that picture up see if you could find that picture there's a picture of Michael Jackson's nose yeah that's the old Michael Jackson that we used to love that's him drinking whiskey vodka with two midgets oh my God Is that real yeah I think so you don't even know that that's real that's a goddamn sketch from The Man Show Drunk hipster Michael Jackson no d That's a guy doing that was a Halloween costume this is the real Michael Jackson two doves and a pair of underwear um but go go see if you can find the photo of his nose cuz it's one of the weirdest things ever and I remember seeing that saying this is a strange exercise and culture that we're seeing in Michael Jackson oh God it just pulled it up and it freaked me out yeah because for every human being um you know these are these are strange times like he's that's a skin graft over his nose or something maybe it's tape it looks like the poster from Silence of the lamps is that a tape over his nose it's hard to tell what that is is it a bandage it looks just like skin it's hard to tell if that's skin or some kind of uh face adhesive or something like that but he I remember looking at that image and thinking wow what has this guy done like what this guy and then I remember thinking what must the pressure be like when you're that guy what must reality be like if you start off as a child like super famous and loved by millions you know you remember ABC hit sample is one two three I mean he was huge way way way way way way back before anybody knew how to handle it and
he was huge as a baby bro and watch what this Justin be come out to me this Justin Bieber is gonna make Michael Jackson look like a [ __ ] puppet dog you think so he's be he's gonna be black in like seven years yeah he'll be he seems fine right now he works out's trying to get some [ __ ] why you hating on J I ha on him I'm just telling you what I see you can't do 90 [ __ ] miles an hour in a in a in cabasas around white people I see a dude with a chrome car getting his dick sucked on the r i see it [ __ ] too I see it someone's ha do you see him his car around here ever no I've never seen it I the 101 he apparently has a leopard print car now an one of those Audi r10s or something like that R8s r10s whatever it is and it's got leopard print then he get trouble with the laugh fact what happened with the Laugh Factory uh I forget he banged somebody's car to laugh he hit he hit a paparazzi that's what he uh well someone died on the Pacific Coast Highway cuz they were trying to take a picture of him a Paparazzi was running across the street and he got clipped he died while um look at that look at his Audi leopard print sexy that is so silly that's sexy as [ __ ] that's so silly it's so silly that he would do that what an ugly look to that car it's the most badass car like uh that's Everlasting as one of those they're such a wicked looking car to cover that thing with leopard print but that's like that's the silliest I can do whatever the [ __ ] I want move ever you know he had a Karma Fisker that was Chrome did you ever see that thing that's just Preposterous how dare you how dare you young man run around a chrome car tell you 10 years from now he's going to be on heroin [ __ ] transpor Mexican [ __ ] people doing a bunch of [ __ ] with a helicop good kid maybe going to do some yoga yeah yeah I met him at UFC he's seemed very friendly seemed pretty down to earth considering the [ __ ] is think of how crazy you would be if you were justtin Bieber oh my God think of what you would have done if you would be Justin beaver when you were 15 or whatever he is 20 years old with $50 million what do you act like what do you act like you go crazy what do you act like what are you going to do the world
is your oyster think somebody comes to you and says put your money away you're going to listen to that person you're GNA go [ __ ] you the face bro can you imagine you go to the standard and [ __ ] just buy waitresses like dog how much for you you'd be like that Prince on the or the King on the Game of Thrones that's you'd be like you'd be evil you know the amount of power like that's not the amount of power that a person should ever attain and it's incredibly rare that a person ever does attain that type of wealth like you got Justin Bieber type wealth and the fact that he's getting it when he's s am I boring you [ __ ] going on here the fact that he gets it when he's 17 or whatever the hell he is how old was he when he got super famous was like 17 something like younger 15 15 what is he now like 19 something like that he's like a young man now we have this game that we play that like would could you beat up so and so so and so and we like say it to like you know and I said I could beat a Bieber because not really thinking I was like yeah he's a little kid I got old man fat strength I could just sit on him or something like that but then I saw him like with with like his shirt off the other day on like some website and it's like holy [ __ ] that dude could probably destroy me he's [ __ ] ripped he's a little boy now [ __ ] you up plus I think he's like a blue belt or something do you think he could beat you up uh Diaz absolutely absolutely that's funny is he a blue belt Jiu-Jitsu somebody told me that no you know who is too Michael Jackson's son he just got his blue belt really yeah graci Torrance I'm pretty sure so it's legit blue belt [ __ ] Ustream man Ustream keeps lagging out I don't know why Ustream keeps sucking it lately we got to figure out what's going on with this but people are complaining like nuts yeah they're complaining in the mornings too shit's going up too many commercials this and this well that's not the problem we're having we're just having a problem with it cutting out like crazy but is it come what's that the app on the iPhone the app is good it's working but is it um when we upload it to Vimeo do we get it clean it's fine it's fine okay so
watch the vi deal don't pay attention to us why you watching us right now anyway and the fact that it works on the iPad fine just goes to believe that it is more again a flash plugin problem H that's interesting so maybe I should try it on another browser all right let me try on another browser I'm going to shut this [ __ ] off and I'm going to try it were you're on Chrome right there yeah I'm going to try it on Safari where you at this weekend Joe Diaz I got a couple things this weekend couple spots nothing too [ __ ] serious next week I go to Philadelphia yeah I go to [ __ ] helium Thursday Friday and Saturday ready to rock I can't okay like we were talking about like great clubs yep it doesn't get any better than that doesn't get any better hel open one in Buffalo I had to change that date and uh I'm doing Portland in September also so I'm pretty excited oh you're doing helium in Portland as wellu sweet baby Jesus I'm pretty excited for Philly though you gotta bring helium are the bomb dude they what am I 12 the bomb bro and they're goingon to open another one I think and say Lou gr I put it on Safari immediately it lags out really immediately yeah I don't know what's going on you stream how old's Paris Jackson um he looked like he's like 17 or something like that I mean the girl oh um Paris I think I think she's like uh she's in her teens I think not sure is she 18 yet I feel bad about her I feel bad about all of them man I mean what a strange way to live your life to grow up that famous you know what are you doing over there Joey you reading your phone no no send him back an email send him back an email this is bad [ __ ] you know what I'm saying what nothing nothing I'm looking at this little you just lost us he left us and he started emailing people that's how high Joey Diaz is he ate of candy I don't know if anybody noticed this you heard Che while the going about an hour ago he ate a candy and it's clearly kicked in no it hasn't kicked in you are you have disassociated this [ __ ] won't kick until later on you know what me do we just so um this weekend is Philly next weekend next weekend is Philly and the who you working with solo and the weekend after that with my man D marera
up at the ice house and yeah I saw that you guys are co-headline weekend that's the that's beautiful that's a great idea that's that's what a great [ __ ] show I hope I laugh that's a great show Tuesday do the podcast with it's always good to see Dom learn how to be a [ __ ] comic again you know you work with dom you're like that [ __ ] does it all you know he's a real monologist that's a different type of savage there well you know what all the time I've known dama rer he's never faltered like he's always loved being a comic and that's uh you know someone was talking about it I think it was Bill Burr saying he really loves the fact that like Dom has been in it you know he was in it he was like a veteran when we all started and yet he still has like a lot of love for it some guys they fade off they get older and they're just not funny anymore Don hasn't lost a step he's hilarious no he hasn't he's [ __ ] hilarious man I I watched him do stand up like before he did that you know he does the talk portion of it his stand up is still I wonder if he's on tonight I was down there last I did a spot down there last night and then on the way up I had to follow Paul Rodriguez at the Laugh Factory how was that the laugh there was 30 people wow but it was okay you know I did great why was there only 30 people Monday night and then [ __ ] I went up the haha and I seen Damon for a little while in front of 12 people I watch Damon way he's making a comeback he's going to go on tour 12 people 12 people he always liked doing that though he loved it he was always midnight he show up at 12:30 at night with Keenan or somebody and always uh and he'll you know what I love about Damon I used to love watching Damon work [ __ ] out because he'll like really work something out like he'll have an idea on stage it's just like a couple of words or a couple of not a couple words but a couple of Concepts you you know and he'll like take them and just run with them and because he's got to make all these people laugh like the pressure of that will lead him cuz he's a great writer leads him to the best lines all the time I used to watch him work [ __ ] out on stage like he would write right but he would also work [ __ ] out on stage whereas like Mooney did a lot of writing like Mooney would come in there and like
something would happen like you remember when that airplane crashed Florida and uh crashed in the swamp and Mooney did a bit about old black ladies still clutching their purse you remember that they pull them out of the crocodile and they're still clutching their purse like he had that like written like within a couple of days of of the the the plane crash and it was a written bit you know he so he would like capitalize it always have a lot of new [ __ ] but it would be like a written bit whereas you could see Damon was like working it out while he was up there he would have an idea and he would just flush it out why I was up there and so when it would hit him like the punch line would hit him he would start cracking up like legit not like that fake cracking up [ __ ] that bad comedians do it's gross right when you see people fake laughing and you know B [ __ ] you laugh the exact same way every night when you tell that joke that's a fake laugh fake laugh you know that fake laugh GH it's gross but Damon would like every now and then he'd like really make himself laugh you know I watched him do those late night sets at the store a bunch of times you know what's funny the other morning I was watching TV I got up and Bruce Lee's Chang the world was on and Eddie Griffin came on I gotta tell you A big smile came on my face yeah before I walked in here Brian and I were talking about The Comedy Store he's telling me how the crew that hangs out there and how it's changed and blah blah blah and blah blah blah and you know he's enthusiastic about it what Brian doesn't understand is I already went to [ __ ] College there do you know what I'm saying we did our [ __ ] time it's not even about you or Carlos name I don't give a [ __ ] for me I did my [ __ ] time I did my eight years of spots and Sundays and following dice when you got when you got you know you know what it's like to have two other sets and you go to do your set and [ __ ] dice is going up as you pull up you're like oh this is going to be great and all they're like dice is going up like right now is I was talking to you I could still see you sitting by the back and Mooney how he would walk up to the checkup box I'm here give him the light you know and how he would just all those little things that was my college yeah that was my college bro you don't go
back to high school you don't go back to college you feel like a [ __ ] [ __ ] and that's what it was The Comedy Store for me was law school it was six [ __ ] years of hard [ __ ] work work of snorting blow of [ __ ] eating pills eating [ __ ] avoiding women you know lying to [ __ ] you know trying to get a manager trying to go up there and [ __ ] get a couple drinks and a rock of coke it was an adventure you know he was saying that Rober that b were in there I remember the night I was so he's still there last night was amazing I remember night we were going to light him on fire they they had him locked in the bathroom people throwing paper towels in there on fire you know I mean this is that's [ __ ] up man you know I mean it's just uh it's just I still remember Corey Cuomo calling me and going did you threaten him and going Corey I'm in Miami I've been here for three weeks that's how [ __ ] crazy he is okay that's how [ __ ] crazy Robert EP is like I avoided him after that where he accused me of doing something and I was out of town the best is him and Don Baris they still Feud that's so crazy it's the CRA that's been going on for decades Chinese guy what what's the don't don't you do this to Robin Epi no no he does that like to indicate Nazis na that's a finger the Hitler mustache finger Don was on stage last night he he just runs in room there was like maybe like 30 40 people in the room and just goes Nazi he's a Nazi on stage and so like all the man yeah all the managers have to like get Robert out of there using lasers and paper towels and right but Robert is still like an institution Indians he's an institution like he's a part of the store yeah absolutely and he still goes up every night I I say hi to him every night I'm nice to him I never do anything I'm I'm always the nice guy but every all the other guys always you know [ __ ] throw menus at him me and him have always been cool I've always been really nice to that guy oh I I never had a beef with him till he accused me of threatening him when I was out of town I didn't understand that I was sitting on the stairs he's crazy I was sitting on the stairs and night they were throwing paper towels in and lighting him on fire and he's in there like oh what's the smell [ __ ] fire run out of there you [ __ ] well it was
really dangerous with him cuz you remember especially in the winter he would insulate himself with plastic bags yeah he still does that I think he uh had these plastic bags there stuff inside of his clothes to keep him warm because he would walk home and he would be in downtown so he he'd walk to downtown like when he would leave The Comedy Store he would walk like five miles that was no joke like he that he did that all the time he he still does that and he goes to the grocery store after every show every night he does that gets the exact same thing like a banana and like a s sandwich and Don Baris does the exact same thing he follows him to the just vide oh that's so [ __ ] up man what you know that's one of those things that the the store had was those long running gags like do you remember when Brian K still does it with Don Baris every time Brian K and Don bars sees each other he pretends that Brian Brian pretends that Don bars is forcing him to suck his [ __ ] and so he fights it all for a while and they like put on a show and then finally Brian C will put his lips right on baris's [ __ ] and like and and and bars would be humping his face it's so [ __ ] and they go for it it's so uncomfortable to watch this is a a new this is Robert from two nights ago and there's a girl on stage with no clothes on marijana yeah she never wears like underwear she always brags about [ __ ] Ron Jeremy hey should you tell this on stage oh yeah or on the yeah it's totally fine okay but she uh she she's been like just going on stage and like showing her vagina to him and stuff like that she shows it to Robert yeah it's getting him real nervous by the way how durable is that jacket and pants I know it's the same one that jacket and pants is 100 years old this motherfucker's been wearing that same jacket and pants every day for a long time those are some strong threads yeah I think he might have a few of them though so this girl um she goes on stage all the time yeah like all the girls this is from last night you know there's Mary Jane and Elanor and stuff like that and Elanor was there oh yeah she's there every night is she really yeah and but but it's cool because all these girls uh are on like the dingdong show and stuff like
that but it's it's a fun time elor is very funny man she's a very funny standup now it's interesting we always kind of knew she was a funny person when she was uh working at the store are these all stand-ups these girls yeah uh that's a schizophrenic Surfer he's Scot SCH he's schizophrenic and he I used to do open mics with him in uh in West Hall or in a haha Cafe why you talking about the boy when I'm asking about the girls how dare you there's all these girls in their underwear and he's like yeah that guy Serv yeah there's Mary Jane there's Don's girlfriend so these Girls Are all uh stand-up comedians so there is there like a community down there of girl standups oh yeah and what's cool is that me and Tony Hench Cliff's uh podcast have a uh two girl stand-ups that started on the show and they've never done stand-up comedy before and every week we give them give them one minute and they like that's awesome yeah yeah standup comedy it needs more chicks it's not enough funny chicks in this world and no when things are going bad like they are now that's when more funny ones will arise there's more funny crazy [ __ ] those [ __ ] didn't he Jerry Lewis did yeah well he says gety went off a month ago [ __ ] dirty [ __ ] they he doesn't think women are funny right not at all I can't stand them talking to me I don't think they're funny I laugh there's plenty of funny women that's a silly thing to say there's funny people if someone's funny they're funny the idea that you would say that they're not funny because they're a chick tell me Morgan Murphy's not funny that [ __ ] is hilarious she's hilar Sarah Silverman's not funny Sarah Silverman is [ __ ] hilarious this girl right here this is Kitty manelle the girls uh whose mom was married to Hugh Hefner right here uh this girl right here though her name is uh Jessica Shores and she has a music video that she just put out like a month ago that already has like 1.2 million hits and her dancing around with her if you yeah if you look at it though you'll laugh your ass off why would I laugh my ass off see a little I don't okay it's no I won't laugh my ass off I can't believe you're still talking about it you would you would in a uh laugh about it way n no thanks been there I've been there I've done that stop trying to make
me sad do you never get a hanling to go back there when you drive by you ever wish you could just pull in do a set no not at all no you should you still uh you doing the Improv have you been there lately no just got a text from Rita I got to text her back the Improv is Uh I that bar freaks me out oh the Persian bar in GL the new bar I'm like what what is this recess lighting with the [ __ ] lamps built into the wall and [ __ ] I'm like what are you guys doing so glad you you said that because I like I was like you need a corner that you can like suck a [ __ ] in there's no there's no hidden Corners here it doesn't feel like a comedy club at all it's white booths like where are we are we in Miami 1998 it feels like a hotel room or a hotel bar yeah it feels like a road gig yeah it feels like a gig you would do if you're in Western Massachusetts where they had like the bar the club still is great once you get inside the actual setup is pretty [ __ ] perfect you know and the way they have it now with the bar over there it does have less noise cuz people have to leave and go down that hall and then take a right and then take a left so it's probably like quieter for them that way it just seems weird I guess that that Annex though wasn't making any money you know Oho they got rid of the anex anex doesn't exist anymore well they they're also that's where the bar is they're also renting out the the front part of it to a hamburger place what kind of hamburger is going to be uh that unami it's actually oh unami Burger I don't know if I'm I've had those before but the weirdest thing the weirdest the weirdest thing is is that the murals if you ever been to the Hollywood improv we used to have like these big like drawings or paintings yeah and there's this new mural that all the people yeah and it's huge and it's just a bunch of comics and you sit there and you're trying to figure out who's who everyone does not look like who they are it looks really like who you have a picture of it huh the only picture I have is there's only one microphone on this mural like and there's only one person standing in front of the microphone and this is like a simulation Theory but that one thing is a [ __ ] dolphin for some reason for no reason at all a dolphin in front of the microphone so and then you could
kind of see a couple of the comics here like I can't tell I know who that is just by the puppets that's the only photo of it that's the only photo I have I can find see if I can find so that's like only a partial of the uh yeah part of mural but why a dolphin it's weird that with Dolphin sunglasses too doph yeah I don't know man there's no there's no Lo Rhyme or Reason there's no logic to why they would take down those other paintings those paintings were old as [ __ ] that was like a part of History oh I think here yeah I think here's the uh here's the here's a news story about it the new mural oh God there's a story in the news club in West Hollywood comics for conservation it's happening right now we'll see all about next there's the dolphin incredible mural over the past couple of days here uh let's take look look at you can't who are Robin Williams you you'll sit here and look at it and you won't even you can't even figure out half half a terrible piece of artwork I don't want to say it's terrible but shut up say it his style does not look like the people at all like like if you look at Jeff Ross it looks like Jeff Ross Jeff Ross special needs or something oh look at that that is weird they had the unknown comic with the paper bag over his head yeah thank God and so so now the the entrance it's over here where the what the [ __ ] kind of mural is that yeah and there's so many like there was somebody there that I forget who it was that George Carlin's pretty obvious yeah well some of the people look really obvious Jay Len's pretty obvious but let's see if I can get it I don't want to make fun of it but it's just shut it off let's let's be nice yeah okay but that's that's what the comics are saying it's kind of weird going over there now because people are like what's up with this bar and it what's up with this crazy mural somebody [ __ ] up somebody got crazy and they forgot that thing are nice when they stay the same yep they forgot at the end of the day who gives a [ __ ] about a [ __ ] mural you know that's what I'm saying I come all over here up here [ __ ] talk talk about a [ __ ] mural [ __ ] impr Jesus Christ Jo Diaz you know what I'm saying who gives a [ __ ] about some [ __ ] ugly ass mural with
[ __ ] I'm saying that's what I'm saying dog you know what I'm saying mhm what else is like a [ __ ] sucker what movies you see lately anything good I saw despicables or Despicable Me too movie it was a good movie those movies always they're better than the real [ __ ] movie all those kid movies it's a good [ __ ] movie I'm [ __ ] I watch cartoons now [ __ ] television [ __ ] all that Family Guy I'm watching SpongeBob that's the [ __ ] [ __ ] lives in a pineapple it's true Under the Sea it's true was it good because of the 3D or you just did you did you like the first one it was great the first one's not bad either they're good movies was I love all that [ __ ] they're it's like it's a I mean obviously I went for my kids but it's a legitimately good movie but that's where they put their [ __ ] screen that's why they put their creativity in the kids [ __ ] and the adult you sit there my friend said he went to see the end of the world last night and this guy's a white dude that's very geeky and he went to see the Kevin har thing he said the end of the world he had to walk out of really Kevin Hart thing was okay that was just too big to do stand up at the Garden he felt like it was just too big to tape there he goes at the end he watched the credits and he goes there was dirty [ __ ] cameramen you know what I'm saying there was dirty cameramen so it just didn't feel intimate enough it didn't feel intimate enough which when you're doing those [ __ ] places you don't you you don't feel intim enough yeah you don't there's a certain level like 1,800 or something after that it's all downhill after that for a guy that rants it's downhill yeah for a guy who's very slow like when we've seen a guy in Jersey a slow pace that's great but a guy who steps on his own lines that and it's I just don't like it it was just you're absolutely right that is the issue when people are laughing you can't hear what they're saying I don't like 18800 or above yeah you know what it's nice money yeah we have a good time but I don't feel good when I walk off the I don't feel like I did nothing yeah I'm just struggling to talk slow my PTO is off my timing's off yeah you know I like that that's why I'm I don't know where I want to shoot a special I like to shoot it at somewhere where it's [ __ ] small I
don't want to do theaters I don't want people to come see me the [ __ ] theat punch I honestly Atlanta prch is a great idea that's a great idea I honestly think 300 is the threshold for things getting different 270 yeah 270 270 is nice 350 gets a little kinky little once they put even even Cobbs is tremendous it's big though it's too big cobs is tremendous and then when you have the little thing on top that's a little [ __ ] up too yeah on top and in the back too it goes way back and above you don't feel much of a connection is a perfect place to take it's the perfect place American Comedy Co because the that's not bad either but there's a lot of pillars in that spot but I don't want to shoot in California yeah that's the problem we do [ __ ] here we want to go somewhere a [ __ ] light up a state like a like Grand Funk Railroad we're an American band we're coming to your town we'll help you party down we're an American [ __ ] B are you kidding me help you party that's a jam dog listen to that we'll help you party down that's it we'll bring chos reefer papers yeah no that's it so I want to go somewhere when you do a set in La it's fun it's great but they can see us anytime you know what I'm saying they can I if I was Louis CK yeah I'd do the Orum and jump up and down if I was [ __ ] you know Kevin I do [ __ ] whatever stand up live downtown whatever that's but I'm not and I'm never going to I don't want to do that kind of stand up i' rather keep it smaller that's why I do good when I got a rant and [ __ ] in a big theater I lose it well it's also it's a matter of how much money do you really need because if you start getting into the eight and 10,000 seats it's one thing if you're doing it because the demand is really high you don't want anybody to not be able to go because you know the shows will be all sold out but you can make a lot of money just doing clubs I mean how much money does a comic need to exist in this life you know if you're if you're living like a normal person you can do clubs you can make plenty of money you know if but the show will be more like you like I can go see you in a hundred seats and you could be screaming and yelling at the top of your lungs and ran I'll know every word that comes out of your mouth there'll be no questions what did he say I couldn't
hear there'd be none of that but when you get into those like two and 3,000 seat places there a moment and I noticed that when we watched that guy in Jersey there was a m there was a few moments where I didn't know what he had said because he was like ranting as they were laughing and I was like oh this is interesting very interesting I'll tell you what theer Dynamics were great for a 24 100 seat theater the Dynamics of Chicago oh yeah were tremendous I ranted there and it came up perfectly yeah but that's a very few and far between that that place is Magic imaculate the the magical I would also consider shooting a special if it wasn't so big in the place we did in Pittsburgh that wased that was the Carnegie Library Hall oh my God that was the ceiling that was amazing used to be an old library yeah it was an old library there's so many places if I could find a good old [ __ ] joint like four 600 seats in Houston you should just do it at Helium man I want to do a do it at either helium Portland do it in Portland they'll go [ __ ] I to a brick wall I want to do a brick [ __ ] wall mhm I want a brick wall right only a brick wall brick wall what does Portland have Giggles we could put this up we not giggles I'm saying Giggles helium Giggles is the comedy club that I used to do and Boston in Boston yeah and Giggles was also in Seattle the place that was run by the Vietnam vet that I would take a draw from him on Thursday and by Saturday he'd forget he was a vietn then I call him Monday and ask him who was there next week and he go when was the last time you worked at Club oh that hilarious three years ago I see Friday he had he forgot that bad everything oh my God once I learned learn I would get the waitresses on satday and I like come here find out who's the feat track next week I call him Monday 9:01 hey what's up buddy Joe Diaz who's featuring this week when was the last time you were at my club a year ago and you had to be [ __ ] spotless clean right but he wouldn't show up till to see the headliner and there was a curtain on the stage and you can see his Jaguar pull up oh that's soon as the Jaguar pulled up I did my clean stuff as soon as he went he'd only come in for one minute and I just bombed for two minutes he only come in look at the back
and he go in one minute this is hysterical this is how much this is how who box this guy was I forget the guy's name he's a track coach in Seattle very good guy was on HBO he's just a college track coach he doesn't travel as much he was headlining and he's a great comic and a great monologist he's completely clean this [ __ ] gets off stage and the owner of the club goes up to me he goes let me tell you something I went in there 3 minutes ago and you were being dirty don't don't ever do that in my club he's like me and finally comes up to me goes I was just about to rat you out but I remember he's a Vietnam vet and he got hit with a missile or something that's his and he sold it he sold the club to a Mormon and then Theon right and yes we talked about the Mormon on an interview and the Mormon got mad at us and then he offered me a week up there yes the and now it's done yeah it's done yeah yeah he got mad because he had sent somebody home or said someone could work there or something or St St one of those guys someone someone had problems with him and so I was I just wanted to put the word out so I can't work Wise Guys in in Mormon Ville he was he was in Wise Guys in Salt Lake he left and he bought Giggles ah so I never did that club that was I think I'd heard about it but it was like you got to be you have to be clean but then he let Bobby Slayton worked there that was what he he did he called up he goes no no no I don't allow clean but Bobby Slayton worked there and he was saying something like this is not my cup of tea you know like he he said it like and he was when he was bringing up the show or something like that this is not my type of show I just want to say that like he like introduced the show that way and someone was offended it was either Shimmel or it was Bobby col Bobby Slayton one of those guys [ __ ] gig so when Thursday night was uh the capital of of Washington that was a Seattle gig and Friday and Saturday were Giggles in in the U District do you know what's [ __ ] fantastic Paul live in bellw have you done that place yet bro listen Ivan salivary called me today number one you got to call Ian okay cuz when you go to the UFC there's a guy up there made you a a tank for you to go under with a bong under
the [ __ ] water like the guy made you with a [ __ ] video projector that you see [ __ ] something 10times with a let number one number two Ian called me today to tell me that he's got a cop buddy and the cop buddy looked into my warant they're crazy like they're [ __ ] crazy they're trying to get the warant it's a non extradition warrant they won't hunt me down anywhere but if I get caught in Seattle they're going to arrest me and they're going to keep me in there because it's an expired warrant he was telling me I in the whole story tonight go Ivan do me a favor get me a [ __ ] attorney and let's just do this pick me an attorney because I don't know no Seattle attorneys get a [ __ ] attorney I'll send them a retainer let's get this warrant over with I'm not going to turn myself in though right so what do they say I don't know I'm he's going to call me back tomorrow I'm going to write a check and send it let's you know how many letters I get like please get Uncle Joey to come with you to Seattle oh please I gotta go up there so I'm gonna [ __ ] do this and get this over with I'm going to send Ivan the the the attorney the money I think the guy's name is Savage and we're lawy name is Savage something Savage Oh my God that's [ __ ] go up there and get it out and then I can probably go up there with you next month I'm there July 26th with Tom sigura uh where am I in no that's that's two weeks I can't yeah it's two weeks I'm uh I'm there and you're going to get to see Jill hitzu in Seattle and [ __ ] that's right my girl awesome she is awesome isn't she man darling darling the more theater that's what I'm doing I'm doing me and sigura Seattle's a [ __ ] badass town we had a good time up there when I was looking for bigfoot too that's that's a good little we up there squashing that's a place I disrespect it but not really why'd you disrespect it I just I lived up there with that [ __ ] filthy animal was Finding aluminum Falls in her ass ended up choking her out she stabbed me you know how you disrespected Seattle because of that you know and that's why like bro right now I love to get out of here and I love you know bro there's only one fa place for me to go and that's Colorado yeah that's it but I felt like I
disrespect him like I would have to walk my head down you know when you were a kid because I [ __ ] up there dog so it's a long time ago man you're a different human now but it don't mean nothing it's a there's a thing in Colorado it's Lord's country that's a God's country bro when you're driving in Colorado you're breathing that air you're in [ __ ] God's living room I don't know what the [ __ ] to describe to me one of the things about Boulder is just that you're at the base of those mountains and you just you leave Boulder you drive 10 minutes welcome to the woods like literally you are 10 minutes out of Boulder you are in the woods and the beauty of that place is so it's so stunning that it affects people it affects people it's like living around the most insane art work all the time I really do believe that I think that's one of the reasons why the people are so healthy there I think the view like it's not just that the air is clean which it is but it's also like the view of those mountains like enriches you I really believe that I think there's something to places like that especially because it's a college town so there's like intelligent people there intelligent cool people at the base of a mountain this insane view listen dog let's buy some land and let's do this let's start a farm start a [ __ ] Colony up there I want my daughter to be raised there why not let's do it you want to go I want to go call wants to go Brian will force him to go that's [ __ ] [ __ ] snow ain't going to do nothing for you Brian import chicks hurricanes and [ __ ] all that [ __ ] kills you Brian will box him up in bird cages from the Mansion ship him off Southwest I want to shoot you know what man that's how I redeem myself by shooting my special in Denver go why not we could go back to back you know prison go say hello to those [ __ ] no backto back specials like you do one week I do another the next week you know we'll do like two weeks in Denver ah we could even film a documentary two weeks in Denver I'll open for you when you do your special you open for me when I do mine figure a way for you to bring me up on stage somewhere I'll do it [ __ ] yeah dude you tell me I'll do it I'll be happy to do it if even if I just come in just to bring you up I'd be happy to do now let
me ask you this what's the next legit UFC you brought me up every special I ever did except the the I'm going to be dead someday that was Maguire every single thing I've that was Houston every single thing I've done since then you brought me up no uh what's the next big UFC fight though it's Brazil Brazil yeah yeah that's um well no there's Seattle Demetrius Johnson John Moraga that's on Fox coming up soon yeah the UFC's been going to Japan dude but they do the FX or fuel shows there and I don't I haven't been doing those but I'm doing the first Fox Sports One that's a Boston card I'm going to do that I'm going to be at the show but I'm not at the fight I'm going to be at the show though yeah with two shows sold out two show boom son socket you got to get to Alaska the next day got to listen to me this week this summer before the time is up before it gets cold there go go to an you did comedy I did yeah I did some [ __ ] Beartooth Lodge or something like that what was the name of the place I did Beartooth I think it was Beartooth Beartooth theater it's a theater they they show movies there and then they have a comedy show it was [ __ ] you went to Anchorage Anchorage okay you didn't go to Chu Charlie joint no I went to this bear to theater whatever the [ __ ] it is it was amazing they they grow they grow they have their own beer there they they grow their own weed powder beer it's not powder it's like they brew their own beer stop with the powder it's amazing let me make sure I'm saying the name right Bear Tooth Lodge yeah it's right is it yeah yeah it was amazing man it was uh it was it's it's one of those places where as you're up there like you would think before you went there you'd be like who the [ __ ] would live in Alaska like my friend Eric Eric crisp of Sugar Tree cues he used to live in in Alaska he's a que maker badass que maker makes pool cues like the best pool cues and uh he was he at one point in time he did like uh he was working I think he lived at a base there when he was in the military or he lived there when he was in the military and he always talks about going back there and I go why the [ __ ] would you go to Alaska man are you crazy I was thinking about about how cold it is and all the stories that I've heard but then you get there and you're like I see it I get it I've
been there same thing happened to me I was there I get it I get it it's weird we go outside at 2:30 in the morning it's blight out that's crazy 2:30 in the morning we we we did our show we took pictures after the show we hung out I would just want to go party all night oh yeah I'm sure people do and by the way that myth of no pretty girls there myth okay the myth of 10 to1 men myth it's more than half of the population of Anchorage is girls and there there's a lot of hot ones and they're like rugged hot's they don't they don't bruise up name of the strip club I don't know I don't know we didn't go to any strip club did you hear about it no we we we did basically was we fished all day we were fishing we got we went on uh we rented an Outfitter and went for 10 hours at a stretch so we did two long days and the first day we did 10 hours the second day we actually called the quits like a little early so that we could get ready for the show cuz we were exhausted no no I'm not saying you went to strip clubs but I'm sure there people were saying you got to go to the strip you know like anywhere we go and their strip club there is huge because women come from all over was the the 9s and early 2000s that there's a ratio of 10 to one men so women go up there and a they have a season fishing season they'd make [ __ ] 20 [ __ ] thousand a night shaking that ass yeah there's another season in the in Late July when the the silver salmon are running like uh like towards uh towards the end of the month apparently that's another big time when people come up and then there's also people that come up for like the various hunting seasons like moose season starts at September people come up for that but godamn that place is majestic Majestic you see Eagles you just see eagles everywhere we saw five moose we were there for two days we saw five moose and there's just something about the place it just makes you it's just like humble you know it makes you it humbles you cuz it's just it's when you're flying over you look down your jaw just drops because it goes on forever and then forever you see nothing you just see mountains and trees and mountains and trees and mountains and trees and mountains and trees and then okay we're starting our descent into Asma or into Anchorage and you slowly start scooting
into Anchorage and by you get there when you get there you're like these people are gangster as [ __ ] like you think about how far they're living from The Real World like they're up there on some weird little patch of land that they decide to clear out some trees and start some fires and this [ __ ] a million of them up there there's like 300,000 people living in there and there's only like I think the whole state only has like double that or something like that I think there's only like 600,000 people in the whole state but Anchorage has got like 300,000 people you could live there man I'm telling you it's four hours away before we even start the party yeah that's [ __ ] 10 hours Seattle [ __ ] Alaska you get to Seattle from Alaska and two that's great what am I going to eat salmon the rest of my [ __ ] life you know what I'm saying the [ __ ] I got to get to other places if you could live anywhere outside of La now I know now that you have your little daughter you I'm sure you're probably thinking I don't want her growing up in in California that's one of the things that I thought of immediately when my first daughter was born San Diego is so beautiful to close to Mexico son if you could go to another state which one would it be Colorado it would be Colorado why not yeah I can't figure that out what about Seattle would you do that if you could get back way [ __ ] that [ __ ] how come [ __ ] living in Seattle from September to [ __ ] December you go up there you go up there I love these people come Seattle so cool yeah Seattle's cool go up there in September and wait till you see two [ __ ] weeks of non-stop [ __ ] rain and the gutters and you can't go nowhere and all you want to do is wake up look around you know when you wake up here you go to pee and the sun creeps through your [ __ ] Windows what do you do when you wake up for two weeks and it's [ __ ] gray and then it's gray in November and it gets a little Sunny for three days then it's rainy again for three weeks relax people relax people everybody want there in no danger everybody wants to be a [ __ ] Authority you don't go there for two days and all a sudden we got the place pegged down lived there for six [ __ ] months Seattle's great and the people are great it's great to do comedy there it wasn't for [ __ ] me that long
stretch from September to December with rain or be that there [ __ ] you there's more to life than [ __ ] waking up the [ __ ] rain my friend it's like living in Buffalo New York put the [ __ ] what do you what is that called the the protractor where you go put the protractor to Buffalo and put the protractor the [ __ ] Seattle it's in the same missile the same missile could take out Buffalo and then shoot and take out [ __ ] Seattle they got the same suicide [ __ ] rates you know you go to [ __ ] Buffalo dog it's a tough live I love it I love it but it's a tough live I think it's hard to [ __ ] around every go to Seattle in July and go yeah it's nice Seattle's gorgeous in the summer the only problem with California is there too many people you Santa Barbara you don't think that if you go to maybe you might be right that might be the move Santa Barbara might be the move someone needs to do a helium in Santa Barbara do you know how badass that would be that theater that we did was was perfect we don't need no helium in Santa Barbara that theater we did for 600 seats we're doing it again was [ __ ] gorgeous yeah when you want to do it again say the word December December midd the week before Christmas I love it I love it because we still got to do can't do 29 do Vegas the December 27th we can't do we but we still got to do an end of the world somewhere really let's do we got they offered us the Wilbur Theater again do it Boston no here we have rather we're doing The Wil we have to do the the day before Christmas that's the end of the world the 23rd yeah yeah because nobody wants to nobody wants to go out on Christmas Eve man no no no two days before Christmas really December 20th people are shopping and [ __ ] December 20th but last time we did it December 21st the big December 21st you should do it Halloween all right what should we call it if we we don't call it we should bring Stan hope and honey honey again everybody what should we call it it's not the end of the world though the End of the World Part Two the beginning of the new world beginning of the new world Riders of the Purple Sage we should do it in Denver I'll do it whatever the [ __ ] you want if you want we should do a let's move to Denver [ __ ] let's do that Let's do let's move
to Denver [ __ ] show how about a boulder show do let's let's move to Boulder [ __ ] let's do it I think should do a definitely a a monthly uh show in Vegas like every month you guys should do um I don't know about that man I I enjoy going in every few months and rocking it I'll tell you the joint that's my new favorite place the joed the Hard Rock first of all everybody works there it was cool as [ __ ] cool as [ __ ] it's so it was Dynamite it really so Dynamite great Vibe and that that crowd could have been better Joy Diaz they were amazing we had so much fun and the afterward that was like they weren't Stoners we just hung out at the bar we didn't go out the smoke one time I didn't go out to smoke at all I was [ __ ] stoning on that edible I was just talking we at the goomies we ate the goomies on the plan on the plan [ __ ] up at 9:30 by 4 I was [ __ ] up in that hotel room I had three goomies before I went stage be Ian Sal I would love to go to Seattle on a regular basis I wish I get and all that [ __ ] but I can't risk going to [ __ ] jail for something that happened 18 [ __ ] years ago that nobody nothing bad happened nothing yeah that seems I didn't go to [ __ ] I didn't go to anger management when I left the judge threw me out of the [ __ ] state for two years really understand me the judge told me I got to go that's how it was yeah the judge got to go dog you got to Go Dog Go Joe go Joe you got to go what are you doing next weekend Joe are you are you out of town yes yeah I got family [ __ ] going on um I don't have a gig booked till the uh a gig booked out of town at least until Seattle but I got some other [ __ ] cooking I'm trying to finish up this TV show too which it's it's it's it's more difficult than I thought it was going to be it's more difficult TimeWise than I thought it was going to be and it's more difficult as far as like getting it right it's a lot of work you know we're putting together kind of a crazy show but Ari's in it and Duncan's in it too and there's a lot of uh interviews that they're doing when I'm not there like I said Duncan to interview some scientists and Ari goes and interviews some other scientists and all these other crazy people involved in all these different disciplines so it's kind of interesting and it's uh we we're only hoping it
comes out right it's it's a big experiment right now see AR in with a scientist so do you have gummy bears no Ari's very intelligent man he's very good at uh at at interviewing people and talking we had him talk to some uh some crazy religious guy when we went to the global future 2045 conference in New York what a bunch of [ __ ] intelligent super freaks that place was filled with it was so fascinating all these people with robots that look just like them and there were people with bionic hands and like the The Cutting Edge Of Life Extension science we had Ari interviewing some religious guy it was really weird there was these religious guys and they were all like telling people that you know not to not to concentrate on on technology and not to be persuaded by technology but the beauty of a rose cannot be defined by science who should know why a seed becomes a flower and that flower becomes a beautiful part of your you know like it was like this weird resistance sort of you know and like this weird trying to incorporate their religion into the idea of the future and you're like listen [ __ ] you're getting left behind you're getting left behind you're dressed like a wizard and you're getting left behind no matter what you do you got crazy beads around your neck and you think they're important and you're [ __ ] okay because you this your style of living you can't rock it you can't be reading 6,000 year old books and saying and saying they had it right they were on to it these Global future 2045 people with microchips in their head they don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing Joey Diaz I lost you we got to get out of here anywayy can I pimp a show yeah next weekend at ComicCon 2013 having a midnight show there Friday and Saturday night it's with me Sarah Tiana Mike Black Yoshi Benji and a couple of special guest that I can't say excellent Club too it's a fun spot yeah American comedy.com good spot to go and get your freak when is the when is the Comic Con night next weekend Frid Friday and Saturday uh midnight shows so the 20th and 21st okay yeah and if you want to see me and soraa we're at the mo theater in Seattle on July 20 6 the Boston uh Wilbur Theater on August 18th with Joey Diaz and Ari shaffir and me suck upon it sold out both shows suck it July 18
and then Milwaukee we're doing uh what is that there we're doing the paps or something in Milwaukee paps is that what we're doing yeah August 30th and that's you and me great beer you and me um and you know and then [ __ ] I'm doing Philadelphia to the 20th and then the following week I'm with my main man D marera dead squatter yeah well Brian and I actually talked about this yesterday we eventually got to put together like a real serious Des Squad page with all the different guys where you could click on the link like you'd have a picture of you next to a picture of Duncan next to a picture everybody who's in there you could onstop shop go there press a button know how uh perfect she she has a calendar with all our shows on it right here beautiful Jill does this Jill chill she's awesome all right um thank you to everybody tuning into the podcast thanks to squarespace.com go to squarespace.com Joo to sign up and use the code word Joe and the number seven to get your see I made a website Joey I'm doing a [ __ ] commercial dude do to get 10% off your first purchase we're also brought to you by stamps.com if you go to stamps.com use the code JRE to save yourself some cash and what was the other one uh Legal Zoom Legal Zoom ah yes Legal Zoom uh Legal Zoom which is the latest of our the latest of our podcast sponsors if you go to Legal zoom.com and use the code Rogan um you could save yourself some money Legal Zoom is uh not a yeah I'm trying to read the have exact thing you're supposed to read Legal Zoom is not Law Firm they provide self-help services at your specific Direction and if you're really nice they rub your balls while you masturbate no I made that part up listen that's not true okay this is a comedy podcast you [ __ ] Legal Zoom go go there get your freak on um onet.com is our last sponsor o n niit t use the code name Rogan save 10% off any and all supplements we will most likely be here tomorrow I just have to figure out uh what time um I can uh get off of work I'm trying real hard to get these podcasts out again Jo Diaz you can catch him in the Church of What's Happening Now how many days a week you doing that now two two two Monday 6:00 a.m. Wednesdays in the afternoon I can't wake up early no more I got too much [ __ ] Monday 6: a.m. do you understand
that [ __ ] around you stream [ __ ] he's not even playing games 6 a.m. and he does it on the regular all right um thank you everybody thanks uh everybody who came out to Vegas thanks everybody who comes out to all these shows you guys are the [ __ ] we love the [ __ ] out of you and we'll see you soon big kiss mwah Mah mwah mwah [Music] [Music] mwah