Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkcN-MRgpjc
BR what what you gonna say I'm not telling you that VOR is gonna beat Jon Jones but something something's gonna happen something you think if anybody could do it dog veto is a bad mother in the face and he's had a couple down but everybody loses to Anderson Sil so I ain't ashamed of that but I was thinking about I watch the countdown I watch the interview and I'm like you know what I'm not saying he's going to beat Jon Jones but bro experience is a [ __ ] Jo it is a [ __ ] The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by on it.com if you go to o n niit t get yourself some alpab brain you going to give me some music what is Alpha Brain Joe Alpha Brain is a cognitive enhancing supplement it's [ __ ] vitamins for your Dome son we have all sorts other [ __ ] on it all of it is like the best high-end nutritional supplements we can sell the best stuff we can sell at the best prices we can afford with the the best setup order the first 30 pills you have a 100% money back guarantee you don't even have to return the product if you don't like it that's how confident we are that we're selling you good [ __ ] and that you're going to want to keep buying it uh nutrition is the most important thing before supplements get your [ __ ] nutrition straight son don't try to be eating cheeseburgers and take Alpha Brain and think it's all going to balance itself out if you want to be healthy you got to eat healthy food that's number one number two get your [ __ ] body in order son just drop a little body fat get drop your working heart resting heart rate you got to be in shape a little bit at least a little and then start [ __ ] around with vitamins but uh get off your ass you dirty [ __ ] go to on.com get yourself some kettle bells be all manly as [ __ ] right Jo Diaz some battle ropes that's right [ __ ] suckers some hemp protein powder you [ __ ] freak [ __ ] I didn't get the hemp yet is it good oh it's delicious tasty oh it's the best tasty stuff ever well it's it's flavored with stevia so there's no sugar in it it's like only one gram of sugar it's a raw cocoa um it's a MAA which is like something supposed to supposed to enhance your sexuality supposed to fire you up I don't know if it works uh and
then um there's uh the stevio the stevio is used as the sweetener for the hemp yeah chocolate chocolate hemp and it's the finest quality hemp hearts available we just went and got the best [ __ ] we can only buy 50 lbs of it a day it's kind of crazy we can't Grow It in America it's not you can't get high on it you can't test postive like people say if I'm what if I get tested for work you cannot test positive but oddly enough if you eat poppy seed Bagels you do test positive for heroin it's kind of crazy your halfway house they tell you that yeah you cannot eat poppy seeds Bagels but you can take hemp protein powder it doesn't it's not there's no THC in it but it's illegal to grow anyway it's our government's way of [ __ ] you in the ass if you're a farmer it's a great crop and we have to buy it from Canadians it's [ __ ] ridiculous it has nothing to do with marijuana it's completely non psychoactive you uh you you eat it it's healthy it's uh it's got a lot of protein in it contains essential amino acids it's a great fiber for making clothes with I you can go on and on and on about the the benefits of industrial hemp hemp as a commodity but there's there's some creepy [ __ ] going on that that's illegal cuz it makes no sense it doesn't have anything to do like even a little bit has nothing to do with getting high it's a it's a really [ __ ] creepy racket but it's one that this government has all caught Up In You [ __ ] anyway go to on it.com go to Des squad. pick up um some some delicious Cat t-shirts at DES squat. TV there's the new one that the uh the dope ass what I call the Hypno cat cuz I believe he's hypnotizing me when I stare at that little creepy [ __ ] he is it's a very creepy cat I love that cat his his Hitler stash or his chaplain stash has been removed and now it's a penthouse Keyhole so if you have a penous key you can open it oh really is that what it is well his just his Hypno ring in the center freaks me to [ __ ] out that's a creepy cat how high were you when you came up with that one uh pretty high pretty high right you'd have to be anyway Des squad. TV go check it out and uh that's it Joe Diaz is here ladies and gentlemen Billy Corbin canceled on us the M flavor represents The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan
podcast by night all day powerful jodas what's up beautiful hey we had a good podcast with M Danzig and we're waiting for Billy Corbin who's the uh director of Cocaine Cowboys and then I looked down on my phone and he had been telling me that he had a cancel so you were close by you said [ __ ] it let's drop in anyway bummed out I was on the five getting on the 134 when he called the first time and I just got in the right hand Lane right and I just did 65 like the rest of the civilians yeah when you called back I was on Forest Lawn and I [ __ ] kicked that into that HOV lane I had the Sons of Anarchy behind me I had this black biker behind me so I knew the cops were going to pull anybody he was going down first he was my beard I got in front of him in the HOV lane and I just shot that [ __ ] hell Ben for all the way till you called me and said nah we're going to and I said hold on I'm I'm back in the HOV lane and I went two cars and there was an unmark police car in the right hand lane he didn't even see me I just slipped right back behind him I took my time after that I just stayed at 65 like a [ __ ] Savage yeah that's like a thing that we do out here you like you roll the dice in the HOV lane for a little bit 400 bucks is0 460 and if you cross the line like when I go for it I go for the I go for the 920 package go for the $920 package that's you go over the line and you f because you can only cut into HOV where the lines say you're permitted right so I do the 960 package which 920 in court all together court cost you got to drop 100 for the victim compensation fund another 100 from the de kids from Chinese Society you're going to run into about $1,600 fu about minivans in [ __ ] Southern California that makes them think they should be in the left lane kills you and these ridiculous anywhere in this great country of ours when you drive and there's somebody doing 65 in the left hand lane get out way they get out of your way only in California they'll sit there and [ __ ] torment you and they they'll give you the finger like they don't think that they should have to move it's something that never made it out here and back where I grew up the the the highways were more narrow like there was a lot of two-lane highways so it was just good good citizenship you
know getting out of the lane there's only two lanes so if you're in the left lane you're trying to go fast if you're in the right lane you're going slow but these douchebags have this wealth of lanes you know they they have six seven eight Lanes like H you can go around me why don't you just go around me why don't you just not be in the fast lane [ __ ] Lane number two and do 65 bom you're going 60 mph in a minivan and you're mad that people don't don't want you in their way that's ridiculous you don't have to be in the left lane that's for passing people you stupid [ __ ] and the worst is like a when I go up North like when you go up north in the 101 after you pass a certain it's beautiful it opens right the [ __ ] up it's beautiful driving and here you are doing [ __ ] 80 you're on cruise you got the Eagles Hotel California and you get behind a [ __ ] 750 that's doing 65 and that's when I really start to burn I'm thinking to myself for starters he's a Jew driving a German car how confused is this [ __ ] [ __ ] suck this [ __ ] got no loyalty to his people right that's number one number two number two he's doing 65 if I got a seven car it's because the only reason I would buy a seven series if when a cop pulls me over I can rip the ticket in his face and call my attorney that's the only way I would drive a seven if I could do 90 all the time Joe if not I don't see the beauty in it I don't see it unless you're going to do 90 then it's okay to get you me like a seven series 753 five if you got a three you should shoot yourself that's a Toyota [ __ ] Corolla you just paid more you want to impress people you know that's your dop Deuce right there you talking about this three Series BMW I have an m three no but you have an M3 it's a big [ __ ] difference it's a beautiful car I love that car but the people that get the three holding on to to I'm famous cars Eddie has a three understand that [ __ ] thing drives brilliantly but there's some people who can't afford the three that get it ser and basically it's a [ __ ] Lexus [ __ ] RX they have a smaller one than that they have an i they have a tiny one and they have an i it's just like tiny little buzz mo mobile but it looks like a [ __ ] show me that Porsche yeah the one How much is
Porche grow wholesale retail I think that's a 100 he's got a 991 which is the newest generation it's more than 100 that's a Carrera so you might be able to get that one for less than 100 it's not the Carrera ass you pull me over with that car and I'm like yes officer do you know how fast you were doing it doesn't matter cuz this is how I do it what license I don't have a give me the ticket you rip it up you give it to him you give him the name of your [ __ ] attorney he's got a yamak on it with a star going through it there you go call him in 10 minutes he'll tell you what shooting star out of a picture of Jesus bleeding on the floor and [ __ ] here remember that all right [ __ ] take this take this [ __ ] you're going to pull me off with doing 90 I'm in Northern California you know when you get up here it's beautiful to drive you you know 6:00 in the morning do your thing yeah but that area is filled with cops waiting to bag you waiting for you I've seen it I got pulled over one night on the 130 cuz there's Parts when you're coming from the 101 north where it becomes hilly and you get caught up on those [ __ ] Hills late night you got the music on you listen to to the radio whatever you're on the phone with your buddies when you go over that Hill look at your speedometer yeah you're doing 90 Yeah by mistake you're not really you doing 90 they come right behind you yeah there's a lot of spots where they wait the ride to San Francisco is [ __ ] parking ticket Central driving speeding ticket Central you got to really you got to stick to the law that's around La that's the one leniency we have there's not that many cops I'm going tell you what was ticket City Boulder really them C cops them [ __ ] hippie loving [ __ ] no those the cops in Boulder had this thing by uh and they were telling me the statistic once it was like one of the highest on the N national average this is in the 80s right but on that one Iris Iris takes you into Longmont uhhuh okay on Iris in between uh 28th and 30th Street they would nail more people it was like a national they just sit there by the Mental Health Center and they get you on that 20 with the blinking light 35 cuz if you ain't used to that you don't know what cracking right so you don't even see that 35 you're doing 35
all you see 20 bam that's how they get you right there boom I got I got nailed on that 3520 that's really crazy when I went to court they told me at court they're like oh you fell for the [ __ ] they have a name for it in Boulder at the time the alley that's where they just so it's a setup it's almost like the the transition is so quick it's designed just to to give you a ticket and there somewhere else I just was at where the they said be careful because the transition Nashville when you're going from Nashville like Chattanooga we were talking with they and they go dog they kill [ __ ] there really because it goes from 75 to 60 within a minute and you don't see and the cops it's right there hey man you got to get R for the state sometimes yeah well there's a much more of a police state in other places than there is here when it comes to that when it comes to speeding and [ __ ] like that like I remember in Connecticut like Connecticut state troopers were brutal cuz they all they had to do they every they're just pulling people over that's what they're looking for that's their their number one crime they're just trying to pull people over and write them tickets as much as possible they become glorified Revenue collectors especially rich white people in the rich areas they just they don't give a [ __ ] they just sit there it's crazy the cops actually have a quota that they have to make and it's been exposed like uh they uh they were they were offering PRI it was in California there was some some they were offering you know officers something more if they got more rests it was it was proven if they got more tickets they would get you know some benefit from it but you know you're not allowed to do that because what if nobody drives nobody speeds at all and you have to write 10 tickets a day but what if everybody's we're assuming that everyone's going to break the law and if that's not the case that you don't have a job because that's your job basically every day you're going out there and you're parking you're waiting for for people to go by and speed well if nobody speeds anymore everybody just quits how do you make that 10 ticket a day quota well you don't what the [ __ ] happens then what happens then you pull over people for [ __ ] do you fake tickets
I mean is it possible that we can get to a point where nobody's doing anything illegal anymore and we don't need traffic cops if that happens the [ __ ] are they going to do with all that they need that money they've got that built into the budget the amount of tickets they get they build that into the budget they know it's coming in they know well we get you know $100 100 P tickets a week so we just hand those on that's $100,000 for this company La is brutal it's crazy that's why I'm in La I see like budgets they talk about how they're they're going to shut down a system for three days a week and four days a week that they're out of money I just go to Hollywood and look around that's a moneymaking machine in Hollywood they got those black chicks that are angry angry sisters driving them ticket [ __ ] cars those are angry sisters the brother left her left her with four kids she got rickets you know [ __ ] like that I mean these sisters are beautiful and they're driving around dog I had a I had a car in Hollywood that was given to me and they never gave me the registration and the registration expired and they would hunt me down did you know that really they would just drive around and give me a ticket every day just on spite for the registration they make that [ __ ] quote in La let me tell you something in La the biggest thing when you move to Hollywood is your first 90 days you get banged up I got my I got Stan Hop's car towed One Night by mistake really parked it by on Sunset I mean it's [ __ ] ridiculous down there they will destroy you it feels like they kind of have to be on top of everything though there's so many people there and there's so many dirt bags oh my God they they have to people living in Hollywood like the percent like there's a lot of nice people in Hollywood I don't know a lot of like really normal people folks would be surprised when you meet like folks people who actually live in West Hollywood and have like a little house in West Hollywood I met some really wonderful nice people there but there's also a giant percentage of crazy [ __ ] in that City there's a lot of them young kids they move here after college yeah their parents give them a credit card go out there for you know whatever you do
till the credit card's over though we've seen it at the store how many people come and go we're just having this conversation this morning at breakfast how many people went came out had seven Great minutes went to Montreal got a deal for a quarter of a mill in the [ __ ] late 90s 2000s and once they [ __ ] got down they went to the Improv they got sandwiched in between Joe Rogan and Nick nalo one night they realized how bad they really were and they said you know what I'm going to go back and R run Daddy's [ __ ] transmission shop because the work and I've seen it how many people came and went since you've been here people that were going to be Stars yeah there is a lot of that that's definitely happened I think uh it's easy to lose your your way lose your your intention it's easy to it's easy to just [ __ ] get caught up in the fear of it all you know the uncertainty of it all and just get swept away in it which that happens to a lot of people man a lot of people that just can't ever build any momentum up they can't ever build any success up they're always just slipping around they just can't they can't get control and so then they just quit it's too much stress it's too much pressure you know let me ask you this I mean we've been here I've been here trying swinging you know triple's been here swinging and trying you know I mean it's really weird that I just never seen just giving up I always felt like a lot of times I go to auditions and I see people that were at the store with me doing spots now running the camera in an audition people that I knew as actors years ago I'm running cameras and commercial audition and when I'm walking out they'll chase me man how's it going yeah I started doing this I really wanted direct commercials and as I'm getting in my car I'm like they never really knew what they wanted to do in the first place yeah they didn't really want to sink that te if I came to you one day and said uh uh you know I'm gonna become a [ __ ] writer I'm gonna become a director you're like Joey what the [ __ ] yeah no I don't think I would say that you know why Ron Howard no no no no you don't understand what I'm trying to say to you but there's a lot of people that in the middle of the game they changed Ron Howard was an actor I've got you know a couple years in this
it's not like you come in here and there's a lot of people have gotten here and said [ __ ] it I'm not going to do I know I bump into standup where's W willly Parsons yeah where's a lot of where's Judy T where's a lot of these people that you know were working for a long time Jud Tuda was huge Judy Tuda is still working by the way she still does a movie here and there but I shouldn't have said Judy she just came to my mind but there long you trying to come up with name we were at the store a lot of years you know a lot of those guys you just don't in my book you just never stop being a standup yeah I don't understand that either but I think for some people it's just the pressure of Performing is is different I think the pressure performing for you and I is we that we enjoy it because we know that we're putting in the work and we want to go up there and give you a good show we want to go up there and give you some fun it's fun for us it's fun for you it's fun for us we want to do it but for some folks they just become more private they don't want to deal with the criticism they don't want to deal with the critiquing of their work they don't want to have the stress of it they rather get a a job like as a writer that happens to a lot of guys they just decide you know what the standup performing thing is just too [ __ ] harsh you know it's I would rather get a job as a writer it's easier it's more relaxing and then some of them come back and forth you know the beauty of is that if you really think about it the part of this job is the nucleus is the writing yeah so they're not really string I'm talking about when somebody comes changes completely [ __ ] different like I'm a producer now what what the [ __ ] are you talking about produc the weird part the director kind of makes sense right because that's more of a creative much more of a creative thing or an editor or something along those lines but yeah a producer but maybe they don't like the Performing part maybe you know maybe they don't like the artistic part but they really love movies I don't know man everybody's got their own [ __ ] path but for me I think for you and I there was only standup we weren't going to be anything else we were always going to be stand-ups and we we know that too like when we run into someone
we'll know if a guy's are real I'll call you about this guy I'll say hey man have you seen blah blah blah oh he's [ __ ] real that guy's real that guy's real very funny guy and you know what I mean it's like there's a few there's there's not that many there's like there's maybe a thousand professional comedians in this country if you really stop and think about it people that make a living by telling jokes is there even a thousand let's be conservative and say there's a thousand and for those how many of them are like National like touring Headliners is it like like 300 maybe 250 300 something like that yeah it's not that many people like that man and it's because not everybody's supposed to do it it's we don't the world doesn't need more than 300 good standup comedians okay that them enough is enough crazy [ __ ] talking make talking [ __ ] and uh and making people laugh that's like plenty the the the the vast majority of people will never be a professional stand-up comedian and they shouldn't be they have something else they they this is just a a a step on the way to theming themselves in some other way but for you and I it was always it was like I you know I was on news radio and one one time the producer said to me why are you doing this you why you still doing standup you're an actor now and I was like oh my God I'm ready to quit right now I was like are you crazy like you don't get it you know you you can't possibly understand how much different it is to uh be on a set repeating brilliant words as someone else wrote you know in front of a bunch of you know other folks who are doing the same thing and you're doing it in front of an audience that has to see the same scene over and over again and then you get to watch it and people enjoy it and there's there's satisfaction of that but it can't [ __ ] with standup my God it can't [ __ ] with stand up the best quote I've heard the last six months is by our boy Vinnie CTO what'd he say he goes You Know What actors they got a second chance they get cut standups there ain't no cut [ __ ] I mean for Curt to say that I got goosebumps like my whole body goes we were having coffee one day and he's talking about comedic these guys supposed to be comedic actors get them in a [ __ ] audition room they die the
people just laugh as a courtesy hey who did I fight in 1964 because a mid sentence he'll forget who the [ __ ] he's talking about you know what I'm saying and then he went right back to that beautiful statement yeah and he goes all I know is I've been in plenty of rooms with these comedic actors from television show and once they hear cut they're [ __ ] in heaven standups we don't hear cut I was like damn Vinnie curtle drop it like a bad [ __ ] there's a there's certainly an art to acting no doubt about it definitely but it's definit there's also the the the real thing about auditions is that's not normal you're you're pretending you're sitting down at a desk the guy's holding a piece of paper and you've got to pretend that this is a is a real scene you got to pretend it's really happening I mean you're pretending you're in a different environment you're pretending everything if you're in the movie unless you're doing some crazy [ __ ] CGI screen where everything behind you is a green screen you're actually like in Brooklyn you're actually in front of the house you're actually pointing the fake gun at the guy I mean there's a lot of [ __ ] going on that would lead you to be better prepared to pretend that you're actually in this scene than being in a conference room and there's some guy who's reading like reading like tell us where you put the money or you're going to be in big [ __ ] trouble like that's how the guy reads it to you and you're supposed to go what money guy what M you're supposed to be real come on it's like ridiculous it's so fake that if for you to be real in that audition you almost have you almost have to be [ __ ] crazy for you to be real in that wacky ass audition room I mean that's that dude is not wearing a viking outfit how are you pretending you're on a boat you're just doing it you're just pretending it's some of the silliest [ __ ] ever must be there they should take like uh auditions that they filmed that were like super silly and Preposterous especially for like be movies where they like got their cousins and I know a dude who produce his own movie and he brought all his friends in that don't act at all and they all played parts that's how to do it that's probably the best movie you ever seen in your life because they don't know what
the [ __ ] going on they don't know what the [ __ ] going on it's the guy that comes in and goes me me me me you know oh my God you know it's like I I trained at Julian yeah it was it's like what's his name what's the guy for the last month Boogie Nights has been on HBO every [ __ ] nights every night you got to watch the movie great movie but who's the guy in that the crazy guy tries to make out Marky wallberg he's in a bunch of movies now uh C Riley not not the guy from uh Step Brothers yeah damn it another one with the blonde hair he's kind of chubby and [ __ ] he's got a bunch of those see Nelson Riley well you can't you can't have a cell like Denzel and him you can't have a cell phone on set you can't have a cell phone set well that's smart Manel here has a cell phone Paul Thomas Anderson no that's ctor if this Denzel he has a cell phone he abandons ships really he cannot focus well you know in like when everybody got mad at um U Batman remember when he screamed at some guy for walking in front of his shot John C Riley John C Riley no that's the that's the crazy V on big dummy William H Macy no that's the guy that shot himself Nina Harley no no [ __ ] is his name where's Home point he played a camera guy boom but he's always he tries to make out with him in 1980 he buys the Corvette what the [ __ ] are you sure he's in Boogie Nights yeah yeah how's this possible oh Philip Seymour Hoffman Jesus Christ that guy how do I not remember that guy's name I love that guy I'm a dou bro you know what movie he's really good in DG he plays himself that's like a dick in that movie with Jennifer Aniston and uh he he plays the kid's friend like a washed up act that lives in New York and he's the leading and Jesus Christ Superstar but he really I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah have you seen that Jennifer Anderson it's on the plane and should I watch it one time terrible but he's never bad in anything guy amazing he's good in [ __ ] Boogie Nights but last week they were saying that there was an award show in like uh in Venice and he showed up with a stained shirt his hair was [ __ ] up and he had been on the couch and it's amazing how those guys act because they don't want to act like let me let me tell you that I don't care but I really care he was in the big la oh [ __ ] yeah bro that dude's been in
a bunch of things really good [ __ ] he's the real deal this new movie they say he's really good his new movie he's good he's going to win an award this year they they think the master or something something that just that looks like his other movie too though doesn't it where he played like the president or he convinces somebody or something crazy played like the president who did he play what movie was that he he played it came out recently it wasn't the president it was somebody famous that he played uh but his new movie looks like that movie I this is well he was in The Ides of March that was the uh the most famous I think recent movie you you are you sure you're not confusing him with somebody else I'll tell you what's his name again Philip seamour Hoffman how dare you Jesus Christ he was in uh Moneyball he's got movies he's good Moneyball that's right he's really good what's what's his newest movie uh the newest one is a late quartet no under that the master the master is the one they say is badass really he's kind of weird but he's really good he's like a he convinces somebody to join Scientology I don't [ __ ] know he's a beast he's he's a great actor he's capot he played uh Truman capot yeah that's what it is and those [ __ ] really do go under in their own sense you know that's their strength they they you know they take it to the next limit like that to watch it the only guy seen in a room that [ __ ] it up in a room like that I seen two [ __ ] [ __ ] up in the room let me tell you who they are who Christopher Walkin but one of the baddest [ __ ] that was on his tail was Phil Hartman Phil he get audition he was such a professional Phil Harman and could light up a room by himself dog that's a real gift not too many when people clap on a scene yeah when you do a movie scene and at the end when they go cut and the [ __ ] are like yeah like what the [ __ ] did we just see you know when uh they were saying when when they did uh I went one day on the Adam s when Christopher walkom was there but they were saying when I got there the days earlier that when that [ __ ] does a scene he locks you in on the set like on the set the people are like like you have to look at the person to cut cut cut and they're like oh [ __ ] that's how much he
locks you in like he's and bro but when you watch uh that movie where he shoots himself you know DD Ma and Deer Hunter I was watching that about two months ago he was brilliant he locked me in he's playing the [ __ ] guy that's that's all he was he was on heroin whatever they were giving him and in Vietnam and he was on a game of he made money by playing Russian roulette Jesus how do you prepare for that character do you want to tell me do you want to what acting teacher on Melrose could tell you about that [ __ ] think about that [ __ ] and that you know he had to come up with that character from somewhere so there was [ __ ] walking around there say you know what [ __ ] my family I've already killed 50 [ __ ] Don Kongs Vietnam I killed everybody Russians French I'm just going to practice killing myself now they put that ban on they do a little bit number two and that [ __ ] was pure over there it's like bouncing did you see him in that remember that what's his name came to get him and he couldn't get through him they were childhood friends he couldn't get through to him bro imagine how deep you are playing that that's a scary [ __ ] thinking that you're going to what are you doing tonight I'm G to go shoot po I'm G to go over here I'm G play Russian we left for a few hours I'll see you what the [ __ ] I'm on te your Ro how crazy are the Russians that they came up with that is that who invented it I guess it's called Russian Roulette Brian know anything about it I have no idea I mean is that what it's it that's that must be the the invention of Russian Roulette right Christopher Walkin made a movie that's not a popular movie I mean one of his best movies was the one where he takes the acid what movie was that with Natalie Wood isn't there a movie where he does something Altered States who's in that alter Altered States was um John Hurt yeah William Hurt juliam hurt William Hurt yeah William HT played the scientist but for me one of the best times I ever seen Christopher Walkins in a movie called that close range with Sean pen he played the dad right the dad he's very good in that very [ __ ] good in that so good and the movie like the week before they pulled the budget or something so the movie Never Madonna's got the soundtrack yeah if I ran away that was a good movie
yes that's a very good movie you haven't watch that people have been hitting me up for a good movie lately watch at close range 1985 you know who don't have lines in that movie you know who's in that movie like that don't have lines who was the star 24 he ain't got a [ __ ] ke the Sutherland and crisen Grover is in that movie Sean Pen's brother I mean they're [ __ ] phenomenal this is a phen I get Goose I get goosebumps thinking about when he tells Sean Sean pen tells him I'm not I'm not going to rob with you no more and he's like what are you going to do you got a girl you got rent you got a job what are you going to do what are you going to do when you get there [ __ ] you and they start getting it out he buys a quarter ounce of weed from him and he shoots the girl and then at the end Shan pen comes to his house a 9 mm and at the end he goes freeze [ __ ] don't even spoil spoil Al oh my God I'm gu Goose Bumps just thinking I forgot all about that [ __ ] and here's the here's the clinker I'm at Carolines I'm doing the [ __ ] Toyota Comedy Festival they put me up you know 1255 the show was you know it was nine people but I made the festival but guess who stayed the assistant from The Sopranos right so she comes up to me and she goes are you busy tomorrow this is when The Sopranos first started I go no and she goes would you mind coming to my office at 11:00 somebody wants to meet you this is a true story I go what and she goes she wrote the paper she goes here's where you're going to go 11 o' I was headed to Buffalo for $450 as a feature okay and she goes no no no no no you got to come to my office tomorrow so I go to this place it's on 48th Street it's up the block from Roger Paul's office and I'm sitting out front and a blonde chubby lady cute real like you could tell she was hot and her you gets out of a cab and sees me and go excuse me are you an actor and I go no I'm a stand up and she goes do me a favor go up to my office and leave your name and number and I go what office she goes whatever walking and I go my 11:00 I'm your 11:00 and she goes oh my God my assistant called me last night come come forget the coffee and on the elevator I go can I ask you a personal question
they really Christopher Watkins wife she's like [ __ ] Yeah and I go I [ __ ] love that dude and I go his best movie is at close range a lot of people would say deer hunt and this [ __ ] looked at me and she goes you just got three quarters in my door that is his best movie we have an argument at the house every day about it so what was this about that you got dragged into they drag no no they I'm talking about the story with her it was The Sopranos they called me in for an audition but this woman who who brought you in Christopher Watkin's wife ah and she was working for The Sopranos she cast it oh wow her and her partner cast a soprano she's the one that not anymore now she's retired she retired after the soprano but before that it was Christopher watkins's wife that put you in that show that's who you met with wow that's crazy that's crazy yeah it makes sense though successful relationship with a lot of those people it's all in the business people who understand how nutty that business is you know you I was thinking about him when they started accusing him of throwing that Natalie Wood off the boat and [ __ ] Christopher walking wasn't he on the boat he was on the boat it was but that's not who they no no it was uh it was uh you know uh It Takes a Thief yeah what is his name Robert ragar Robert Robert ragner Takes a Thief I just took you deep what was the show he had after that with the red head with the hot red head Jesus Christ you're killing me oh I kill you dog I take you deep Brian you weren't even around for It Takes a Thief your head would have [ __ ] exploded how do you say his name again Robert Wagner w a g n e r redhead oh Stephanie from [ __ ] Powers she was the first original cougar yeah they think that he killed him now there's a guy who apparently is uh putting out a book right think think that he uh killed Natalie Wood yeah his memory came back after 20 years once he got the book deal once they g once they G the 50,000 he [ __ ] remember he snapped out of his alcoholism he's been on a couple uh ncis's yeah and a few two and a half men's
I wonder what the [ __ ] man wow that's a crazy thing that to I mean if this guy bullshitted it could you imagine if your wife died in a tragic accident and then years later some [ __ ] is writing a book claiming that you killed her and you have to deal with the fact that you lost her anyway and you loved her and you miss her and this guy who you know who knows why the [ __ ] he's is that you breathing no just sitting here holding my breath [ __ ] no what was her name again Natalie Wood bro she was beautiful if he didn't kill her if he really didn't kill her then this guy what a piece of [ __ ] this guy is that would be a horrible thing and it's based on when they got back from fishing something like that he got and if he did kill her well he's a piece of [ __ ] and this guy's a hero right keeping chasing after it wow this is really interesting the only full sentence I could completely decipher during the entire argument was get off my [ __ ] boat said by Robert Wagner wow the day after Wood's body was found off the coast of California this guy Davern said that he was asked to go to Wagner's bedroom in his Beverly Hills home where he met with a lawyer and was told to say nothing the captain wrote Wagner informed me he would hire an attorney who would handle my statement about Natalie Woods appearance and drowning which he did before Natalie Wood's funeral I signed a statement appointed district attorney drafted one completely void of facts of the facts surrounding Natalie Wood's disappearance wow that's crazy man they might have got drunk and he threw her off the [ __ ] boat and she just drowned what year was that brother what year was it 1981 November 28th 1981 wow they got in a drunk fight and he threw her off the boat holy [ __ ] if this guy's telling the truth that's horrific cuz that guy's got to live with that and God damn Natalie Wood was hot too oh my God she was hot no makeup no clar all that's 1981 though that [ __ ] wed Up drag a glass of orange juice and that's what she looked like yeah this is really crazy
man the detectiv at the who was at the heart of the original case said that he believed Wagner's account he added that the actress was very small so that it was believable that she drowned quickly wow yeah Christopher Walkin was on the boat yeah wow it says uh Christopher Walkin began talking about his total pursuit of a career which he admitted was more important to him than his personal life he clearly thought Natalie should live like that too wow so uh they got an argument that what started off the argument it sounds like Christopher Walkin was trying to get some [ __ ] and Robert Wagner was there and they were all drunk and they were all getting shitty with each other and he [ __ ] threw her off the boat man and he tried to beat Captain Sao and Robert Wagner said what [ __ ] you ain't going home with nobody grabbed it by the [ __ ] head doing through in that ocean oh well that's so scary man which could have happened we weren't there who the [ __ ] knows oh man they had they kids too they had kids yeah they had two children oh God what a mess dude is there anything worse than relationships gone wrong where you're screaming and yelling at each other while drunk that is like one of the lowest forms of mankind a relationship gone wrong where you're both drunk and you're yelling at each other get off my [ __ ] boat it's just Charles Bukowski asking it's sadness whatever woman you dat you got to do the opper opposite if she has a cocktail once in a while you smoke reefer that's the key she smokes reefer you have wine yeah cuz when you both do something that's the same is not going to pay out Fe it seems to be that it works on some people you know some people the professional pool players they're both they're both men and female are both professional pool players and it works some people do that with golfing and it works some people do that it works with some comedians Tom and uh Christina the perfect example it works great [ __ ] works those people are happy as [ __ ] Tom and his wife are super happy it doesn't you know so it's not always but it's low percentages is what I'm trying to say but I'm trying to say
is every time I've dated a woman when I was younger that let's say she did blow and I did blow at first it was great because she sucking your dick you lighting her [ __ ] on fire then but then somewhere along the line it gets astray where she's watching you because you got it you don't want to share with oh Jesus you know what I'm saying you don't want you got your period [ __ ] you you no good to me you know say you're doing Blow by yourself now so she's like are you doing blow no and your jaw is going now she wants to do a line now she wants you to [ __ ] and she's got that blood pool and you got you're on the blow [ __ ] that when the chick had a perod I don't show up really I don't yeah [ __ ] you just in case she even hints at that I made that mistake one time when over chicks out with a period and then she started getting naked and she had like a you know she had the fuse from the front and after like five or six hours they can only suck your dick so many times so I'm like maybe I'll eat her ass and I went to eat her ass she had like a half a h said [ __ ] that [ __ ] the next day Mark bab picked me up half a him the kiss of dead picked me up where where is he these days uh I don't know I don't know I think he's the vice president of the sanduski corporation and should take Mark BB was he was the head of the laugh stop in Houston during the Glory Days The Glory Days where you would go there people don't know about Houston Texas man people do not know about Houston Texas what it used to be first of all it's the very first place in the country that I could sell out shows the very first place was Houston Texas and when the laugh stop was in his prime Glory they had a Monday night open mic night where they would go from [ __ ] whatever they started was it 8 8:00 p.m. they started that [ __ ] would go straight on till 2:00 in the [ __ ] morning and the place would be packed packed and there was a hundred Comics looking Comedy Store style people come at 700 leave at 10:00 and another 100 people come at 10:30 and leave it to it was a legit scene there were legit Comics out of that scene they were good Comics but the scene crumbled and a lot of guys stayed there and guys that jettisoned they came to LA but they didn't find success quick enough it wasn't what they thought it was going to
be they didn't adapt for whatever reason and we lost a lot of guys who like in my opinion you know could have been like [ __ ] all alltime funny guys really [ __ ] funny guys they just whatever reason they never got out of that Houston scene but that Houston scene was a [ __ ] man it's Kennison and Hicks Left Behind The Remnant to that scene they started it when they had that um the annex the the comedy Annex which was in Houston and that's where Kennison was just on fire man he was just coming out of the gates gun he was so unique that his opening acts would all sound like him they'd all stop talking like him they all would do like his Cadence they couldn't help it it's like they thought they were so hypnotized by him they thought that might be the only way to do comedy now you know and they they would they would go on stage like you would watch them you're like this guy's like doing a Kennison impression this is weird that's how much of a a [ __ ] he was and so when Kennison left it was just boom just left this Ripple of a community and you know there's all Jimmy pineapple and all these other guys that that toured with them and they were part of the Outlaws you know they were all sort of Left Behind and some guys some guys survived and some guys didn't but that was uh that was the the the the the the burst of that scene it was Kennison and then [ __ ] nothing man now nothing you know I mean I know they had the comedy what they call it the Comedy Union going for a while and they got the Houston Improv you know and Houston Improv how's that you know it's open mic nights I think they have open mic night on Wednesday but not like that got to have open mic nights they don't understand but I think they have a couple rooms around town in Houston yeah I haven't talked to SL that other laugh Stop's done the new laugh Stop's done right done everything's done the last spot is done that's done too yeah so all that's left is the comedy showcase which is on the south side and the Improv or a theater or the House of Blues there is popular well the Improv must have closed a lot of places down because they get the top talent like if you're going to a town and there's an improv that's the top talent you know it always is it's always you look at the lineup it's Jim Brewer it's this guy
it's Tracy Morgan it's always like top name guys you know so when a a a club like that moves into your town it's probably hard to be the laugh stop and I I think the only reason because is that they they they didn't keep up the same level of quality they had like local Headliners who was like one of the few places where like San Francisco's one um Denver's one and Boston's another one where you have like legit local Headliners but like there's nobody talks about like legit local Chicago Headliners how many guys are like in Chicago that are just headlining clubs around Chicago there's not that many Larry ree Larry ree but he's been around for a long long the teacher who else is out in Chicago that I knew there's a there's a funny [ __ ] guy I always forget his name and it's a shame because I thought he was one of the best monologist I ever saw on stage and when I me remember his name no he's a school teacher he's got like four kids and he doesn't like traveling so he just does Yoda rooms and anything local in Chicago huh but the story goes that when that he was on stage and the Rumor was in the old days when Kennison would do a theater he would go right to the local comedy club and get on stage really so they said that one night they told him before the night they go look we don't want to offend you but kennison's coming in when he comes in we're going to give you the light why get off we'll pay you and they said the Kennison came in now I had worked with him in Myrtle Beach and I left an awe of him he had one bit about getting on a bus and I was just dying and uh somebody told me the story years later that Kennison came in and they were like we'll get him off the stage kenison was ordering a drink and started listening to the guy and goes no no no no no let me watch the guy that's how good they get Ken he's a now he's got this is 10 years ago when I worked with him well kenneson must have been a fan of Comedy you know how you can't get that good without being a fan you know he told the guy you want to go on the road and the guy's like do I'm dead I got a wife a kid I'm a school teacher kenon was like if you ever [ __ ] come to La look me up wow he's a great kid he still works he still works locally you know it's nice when you find new Talent on the road that's where we found Tommy
seura when we did that uh Maxim Comedy Tour Tommy seura was one of the opening acts they would have a new opening act in every place and you know some some guys were pretty good but Tommy really stood out I was like this kid is [ __ ] cool as Tommy seigar oh he's the nicest guy I am in heaven lately I have coffee with ber ker three times a week oh beautiful two blocks from my house you know now I I can meet Chris Maguire at the Starbucks he just wrapped up the the burn the burn they had the rap party last night you know I was with Brody this morning we know a lot of really nice people yeah bro we really like you know Tony Hine Cliffe you know Brody said a joke last night that [ __ ] is bad to the whole bone Tony hin Cliff Brody said a joke last night in the burn and I immediately knew [ __ ] Tony wrote it that's how much of a fan I am of Tony's about that he goes to McDonald's and he he eats the Happy Meal but he keeps the burger or something like that something very witty I don't I'm not giving it justice but it made me [ __ ] laugh a very good writer and I knew he was it was Tony's I knew it was Tony we know we we we real lucky that we know so many uh so many cool funny nice people and like we all feed off of each other you know that's a very important part of uh any like real strong scene or real strong Community you know and I think we're a part of a very strong uh and fun standup Community you know this is uh more more of a community now I think uh at this stage in our lives than it's ever been before if we think about all the people that were like networked with you know it's pretty unusual and how everybody's doing so well like I just got off the phone with um Aubrey went down to see uh Ari in uh in Austin Austin last weekend yeah and I was talking to Ari I was like are you [ __ ] headlined the Cap City comedy club like that's legit like Cap City comedy club in Austin that is a legit weekend you headlined a legit club and for the longest time dude couldn't get book places no and now you know you see him headlining a legit place it's like wow this is seeing your friends prosper and seeing people around you prosper and seeing them grow and seeing them do [ __ ] that's hilarious on stage man there's like nothing more energizing there's not nothing more beneficial to you as a
person and your growth and your own inspiration because it's like inspiration without jealousy it's inspiration without you know without any of the the negative aspects attached to it like no fear or insecurity that's causing you to be inspired to action no you're just inspired by watching somebody else do what you do someone that you love so you'll like watching them up there killing you know you know four years ago I was very disillusioned with this business were you really yeah I was after the Carlos thing and the comedy store where they all went back and there was no real solidarity I became a comic because of people like Lenny Bruce that he would do comedy and then shoot over to the Chelsea and shoot heroin with the Jazz musicians and [ __ ] a stripper that was the lifestyle I wanted you know when I was 28 I was a little crazy and I was content with that I couldn't handle a family I was pretty content with that knowing you're content with that is great I was a little disenchanted I'm not going to lie to nobody here I didn't want to do it and I didn't want to hang out with those [ __ ] people at the store ever again I didn't want to see them the the the real problem was when that all went down everybody sort of pussied out ex they pussed out except for you and Ari and you and Ari were the only ones Ari took like a year off of that place and you never went back I take I take my friends and family serious because at the end of that it's all you got I got no family so you and on top of that I know the old thing you know you got to close one door before another one opens we were done at the store I was done at the store uh and uh I went and applied for a job as a car [ __ ] salesman I took the piss test but like obviously the thing melted so from the THC so they never called back they were scared and all of a sudden one day what kind of cars are we going to sell Ford right on my block Friendly Ford I I could sell like listen I can sell chariots I don't give a [ __ ] you come in I'll sell you a chariot you know what I'm saying you know me dog I'll sell you a [ __ ] Chariot it don't matter you know the car I'm selling today this is the best car on the market this particular car today [ __ ] Mercedes this Ford Taurus or rocky [ __ ] world even
though in the back of my head I don't you know but uh you know I opened for you in July in Irvine there was no Twitter then and there were five shows was Fourth of July weekend and the place was sold out and that was the first time I was ever impressed with the computer in all the years I was around you then I did a podcast here with you about two years ago you got the tape the footage is on YouTube where I sat here and said to you I didn't want to be on Twitter I didn't want to be on Facebook you guys got the footage I eat my words dog I'm a big boy and I started [ __ ] around on Twitter cuz you started telling me and I started doing it just I seen everybody was [ __ ] up just writing jokes bro you know every week I every three days and I go deep dog I don't give a [ __ ] you got to go deep on Twitter if you want some [ __ ] retweets you got to take them into murky Waters whatever the [ __ ] you say you know and uh I tell you man these people on Twitter are my family now I got retweeted on CNN the other day oh [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] yeah no no no it's amazing I was the only one in the whole Chris Brown story they retweeted my tweet I was like yes of all the [ __ ] I've done that was like a real accomplishment oh you feel like [ __ ] great don't you I was like yes but it's amazing what's going on right now I've never loved stand up more than ever I am turning down auditions if they're not in my realm I don't want to bother with that world no you know El who else figured that out recently Brian Ken yeah we had the exact sameers I don't want I don't want to do it it's not elevating me it's not making me happy you're going to call they call me in for Two Broke Girls two in the afternoon they wanted be to be there 5:30 really who the [ __ ] are you I don't have a life first of all you got to respect me that's number one there a [ __ ] man number two for a Goomba how many Goombas am I going to play how's it going to change my life so somebody's going to see me at at 8:00 at night I turned it down I don't want to do it unless it's something great now I don't want to do it I'm very content with what I'm doing I'm very content with the standup I'm very content with the writing I'm content with this circle right now we have people around this dog I don't have anybody around me I don't
want to have no more I get up I work out I meet people for coffee and now that Duncan and Brian made up yeah no no the positive energy is back and now there ain't no stopping us these people were done they created a monster and we created it all on Twitter and I love it I love my people on Twitter Twitter's big but but the podcast is the biggest thing they know you because of this Twitter is just the way they stay in touch with you I go down and dirty with these [ __ ] on Twitter and they feel me they feel the osmosis so it's all everything it's a combination of all these things it's uh it's your stand up being funny it's the the Twitter be you'd be able to connect with them and it's the podcast where they get to know tell you it's all those things above but it's all those things that just didn't exist for us a just a little while ago you know and the impact that it has now it's just [ __ ] nuts Brian went on stage in Sacramento they went berserk they went berserk I ladies and gentlemen you know how from my pod Brian went from the stage and he called CA collect that's how he said CA collect tell him Brian Red Bull yeah it's fun man and then I I went up and probably had one of the best sets I've ever had in my life I I'm I've I'm having these new sets now where my sets are I've got all this new [ __ ] I'm working on and it's it's so fun it's all these new like weapons and turns and it's like this is [ __ ] that didn't even exist a month ago and it's crushing you know it's like it's so exciting to watch it just pop out of the ground and become a [ __ ] tree you know it's it's really fun man it's exciting I'm enjoying the people I never used to enjoy the people I did comedy it's always dumb people coming up to me hey fat man you know these people call me fat man but they love me so it's a different fat man I love it I love it that we communicate we smoke dope I was it the Mall of America last week [ __ ] the mall of [ __ ] America we had 60 people up on that [ __ ] garage panel puffing like Savages you know people brought cookies they didn't give a [ __ ] this is it this is a movement you shouldn't talk about this online because uh Ari uh almost got arrested who gives a [ __ ] listen to me he got arrested he got arrested because he's playing that hunt
for the edible thing we ain't got time for that what are you 10 somebody emailed me today in Chicago you going to go play hunt for the edible what am I what am I 10 I'm a [ __ ] adult dog got a skateboard no Ari you can't do that [ __ ] Ari was doing it when he was just in Texas last week and he was doing it sh was he doing it online yeah Ari that is super illegal he can get set up you guys got to careful one one follower that doesn't like him could just well I don't think he's aware of the Reaper RS of getting busted in and that [ __ ] he'll go to jail and those sons of anak who get that little Jew ass he's over they'll shave it they'll put some [ __ ] some [ __ ] whatever the [ __ ] they put in your ass before they bang it and you know it ain't fun especially in Texas I couldn't imagine doing time now anyway do they have air conditioning oh yeah carpeting a swimming pool massages oh yeah yeah yeah they got everything steaks lobster tails on Sunday get the [ __ ] the only person who gives you massage there is against your will yeah you don't know what it is to get a massage against your will it's like you could fight this or we could take the ride you might get a happy ending or you might get choked damn I would uh I would want to teach a few dudes jiujitsu and just have uh impromptu sparring sessions where you don't just teach a few dudes jiujitsu to keep your [ __ ] sharp and then just uh all right come on we're going to roll here lay some mattresses down and go at it and as long as you teach them some [ __ ] maybe they'll offer you good sparring partners and then maybe you could at least keep up a level of fitness and try to stay alive wa in the joint yeah you know man I mean but you don't want to go in there because of a hunt for the Edibles no cuz then they're going to hunt for your [ __ ] edible and your [ __ ] they're going to hunt deep deep deep in the murky Waters of that muffler already gets baked with people after shows I don't do that anymore you're not smoking with people no two I had a guy come up to me that I was positive was a cop once and I was like all right this is ridiculous I just I you know I also knew somebody that had um something put in his pot that wasn't pot he doesn't still to this day doesn't know what it is it might have been meth
might have been someone sprinkled meth on on the pot where they do it to Road dude someone tried to give me DMT in Sacramento yeah who knows what that is yeah that's like it's it gets really shady CU that's like super illegal [ __ ] and we already know that people have been set up in the past like you got to really think about that like that's the 15-year-old kid who was uh arrested in Florida because a undercover cop pretended to be in high school with him flirted with him and got him so you buy into that [ __ ] look listen this is what you do this is what you do we're in California okay we're heads when you declare yourself a head it's a different story we're not Stoners that's 13 year olds that look at High Times I'm a head I've been smoking dope for 30 [ __ ] years no none of you is a heads because you don't know Stoners no you guys ahead Boulders ahead it's a [ __ ] understanding it's an understanding it's an standing bro and I could tell when I look at somebody's eyes I won't take Edibles that much either I don't like the [ __ ] big thing or chocolate bar but if somebody comes to me I could tell when they have real reefer I could tell because their heads they're not drunk they're not sloppy I could tell a head just smells dope he don't [ __ ] with nothing else when I look at his eyes and I go what did you listen to to he goes dog I hear some sabage with it's aead it's ahead when I listen to Azie I want to shoot myself that type of [ __ ] their heads they're not they couldn't harm themselves they would har themselves bro I've been doing this for 30 years ain't nobody going to set you up if you smoke a joint with somebody how how how they going to set you up in La if you smoke a joint with somebody if if even if I'm a [ __ ] do I take out an offer from a a weed store in Michigan to fly me out and do com nice number too hell yeah oh yeah [ __ ] yeah are you going do it [ __ ] yeah why not what's the name of the store I don't know they didn't send me all the details they Twitter Mad flavor you got to change your Twitter we need joeyy Diaz but uh you know Jo who's got Joey Diaz on Twitter we checked me you do I'm the baddest [ __ ] out Joey de yeah but anyway the problem is nobody's going to give you nothing bad bro you know I heard in New York in the 70s on Halloween they would put
razor blades and apples and give them to kids you know what if you ate an apple on Halloween go [ __ ] yourself you're supposed to go there for the [ __ ] D me I never even ate Candy in Halloween I went for the money I went for the pennies and the [ __ ] dollar bills the change I grew up early when I came from Cuba I was in New York City and those buildings those buildings are Jews they give you [ __ ] cash how much a dollar a quarter in the 70s somebody give you a [ __ ] quarter that's a little juice drink from the hot dog man you know I'm not going to I listen take your little M&M's and all this [ __ ] and shove it up your ass isn't it strange when you really think back about the price of [ __ ] when you were a kid when you see like comic books for 25 cents and you think about how ridiculous like you hear like what someone's wage was he got $5 a week working for the ranch and you're like what do me a favor what's the price for tickets now for a concert like uh 150 didn't you say Bob Dylan oh$ 225 and what the guy say to us $300 in that's when we in Santa Barbara I think he said 350 listen to me February 24th look it up 1980 I paid $115.50 for Pink Floyd D war and that's where the service tax the service tax they have now you know what how much the service tax was what 50 cents now it's dollars now it's like $5 no it's mean more than that is it yeah you know you think about it so so in 30 years did the so let's say it doubled every 10 years it should be $60 $70 for a ticket why are we paying 30000 for a ticket for anything this was paying Floyd The Wall that's as good as it gets live at the nashole Coliseum well it's just weird how everything got more expensive like that that weird thing of inflation that I never really totally understood like why does why do things have to get more expensive every year like but it does why does gas have to get more expensive who does why do people have to make more money I don't know but they do and it just keeps the number gets higher and yeah people for I mean for sure if you have more money you're going to be able to buy more things but then when those more things cost more money as well you're just raising the numbers but it all balances itself out it's just a it's a weird sort of a trend to me that things constantly get more expensive
constantly get more expensive like no one's ever they're not going to lock an iPhone in say ladies and gentlemen this iPhone is $200 it would be $200 to the end of [ __ ] time the iPhone 80 that comes out will be $200 that's what we're charging for a [ __ ] iPhone you can't say that cuz you don't know what the [ __ ] $200 is going to be worth in 20 years you don't know what it's going to be worth in a decade you don't know what it's going to be worth if the [ __ ] economy collapses like in Russia like it went down in the Soviet Union like it's going down in Greece I mean Greece is they're really running a very real possibility of uh leaving the European Union that's going to [ __ ] the dollar up it's going to [ __ ] everybody up what happens then was what how much does it cost to get your car washed now is it $18 you know what how much do you have get an hour is minimum wage $20 an hour now you know get certain point in time that's going to keep going up too I told you the other day that I was out of touch with reality that I went car shopping I sold cars for 10 years a 4Runner when I quit selling cars was 22,000 loaded with the [ __ ] underg grease and the [ __ ] stars in Colorado it's $40 $50,000 for $20,000 I looked at a Honda last week it was 10 years old with $100,000 miles they still want 13 Grand and the blue book is 145 wow Kelly Blue Book you know me all that [ __ ] I [ __ ] look at that stuff I have friends in the car bus I call Colorado I asked around I was even thinking of getting a car Shi from Colorado from my buddy in Honda he's the general man of Longmont Toyota he gave me a [ __ ] dollar over invoice what do I give a [ __ ] he goes come get the car so I'm thinking about doing that I'm trying to put it together uh it's just I was out of touch yeah and you know what tells me the prices of things like I told you you know we live around here with BMWs and Mercedes so we forget but I go to Pittsburgh and I watch I go to Houston I go to all those cities look at these people I look at the people that are coming to the shows and I'm like bro we're in [ __ ] trouble I look at these malls that are empty Across America empty bro Mall of America is one thing you know I'm saying everybody wants to have a business at the Mall of America have you been there Joe no it's
designed to make [ __ ] paper Minneapolis I was very impressed I mean the airport it's 10 minutes from M of America not 30 they designed that City so they get your pocket you land there's 22 airports and each airport has a shuttle to the Mall of America every 10 minutes really bro it's four floors so you can land just a shop you can land just a shop damn four floors deep [ __ ] four floors deep don't people exercise in it oh you got to see this thing you got to see this thing and then they have a whole area where you're it's an amusement park used to be a [ __ ] it used to be the old twin stadium so think of a [ __ ] Stadium a baseball stadium and that's just a little piece of it that's just I walked around the one day it was an hour and a half walk wow you walked around the whole whole thing the [ __ ] whole thing I didn't go up the stairs don't get me wrong look like get carried away Mike doce [ __ ] that I'm talking about I walked around that mall a w [ __ ] mall but it tells me that bro this country is in trouble we were talking about the phone the other day how they don't have 5 pound bag of sugars no more because the price of sugar went up you have to buy it by the pound to three pound bags gas has gone up everything has gone up but the price of cocaine it's still 35 a gram you said it went down right it went down it was 40 or 60 two years ago when last time I bought blow 5 years ago it was 60 I'd go to El Padre pick up a grand for 50 if the guy was high you know what I'm saying if I had been there a couple times that week $35 you get jazzed up for Wow and it's better than ever they say better than ever gives you a skin rash the whole [ __ ] thing heroin did you read about heroin did you read about new weed in New York City amongst teens what I mean oh teens are going nuts in New York City with their and so was I so who gives a [ __ ] smoke more no what are they going to do give them add pills and SOS pills why you give these [ __ ] you know at a certain point in time it's becomes okay I don't know what it is 17 18 19 whatever it is you think it's okay for you if you have a a good childhood if you have good parents go for it but it's not I don't I don't buy that that it's going to hurt you I don't think it's going to hurt 18 year olds there they say that if you smoke it when
you're young that it can uh diminish your IQ I've I've heard that but I'm like how do you find that out you take two people make them live the ex exact same circumstances you know and uh get one of them high and one of them doesn't they both follow the same diet they both have the same genetics they're twins other than that how the [ __ ] are you going to tell me that that's what's going on how do you know what his IQ would have been you're not you're just extrapolating you know there's a lot of other environmental factors that could lead to someone being in an area where there's a dispropor proportionate amount of people with a low IQ you know it's IQ test itself it's not really necessarily a good judge of intelligence because a little bit is about understanding how tests work it's a lot of really [ __ ] smart people that just don't know how this test works and they they they they know how to be very intelligent in their own world they know how to be very intelligent in their own occupation or their own their own world in a way that you wouldn't be able to plug into so just because you write some [ __ ] [ __ ] on a piece of paper that requires thinking doesn't mean this is a real accurate measurement of real intelligence usable intelligence because it just doesn't you know real intelligence just social intelligence there's a lot of people that are socially brilliant I mean how many guys have we met that aren't that good-looking but they're always getting everybody loves him people come around grabing them they they can't wait to hear him talk what is that that's a social intelligence there's a there's a talent to that there's something to that and to Discount that is silly and to say that you know the only kind of intelligence should be standing in front of a computer punching numbers in that's stupid because there's a social intelligence if a guy can talk some crazy freak who's uh never done it before into sucking his dick in a in an Alleyway somewhere I can't believe I'm doing this that's in Social intelligence that he allowed you know he pulled yeah I mean that's what you saying you can sell cars that's a social intelligence you're like wall I saw you me you are a black belt in talking oh I don't give a [ __ ]
you know I get down with the best of them all that you know and Boulder it's tough to talk to those people I can rock and bolded because they're looking for somebody real yeah they're very intelligent you know can I get this on a grant you know those people in bolded so intelligent liio told me this once a friend of mine said to me bro you have to forgive these people and both some of these astronauts that you know at the University right they're so their intellect is so high that they have no social skills it has been sucked in it's not that they're [ __ ] or trying to be bad people is that they really they're introverts they don't know it's and I understand that [ __ ] I understand between a guy that's a dick and there's a guy that uh has his [ __ ] face in a book yeah and he loves it he doesn't care about theide they don't concentrate on social [ __ ] they just don't concentrate blow up the outside up what I told you when I was uh heavy in martial arts when I was like a teenager I I would get like social anxiety when I had to talk to somebody I would get anxious if I had to talk to somebody in return a video if I would get anxious if I would go to uh the uh the mailbox and get something or if I go to uh the bank and deposit a check I would get socially anxi anxiety where I couldn't talk very well for no reason because I just wasn't used to talking to people all I wanted to do was train so I was just training and fighting all day I was just locked into this one form in my mind where most of my day was dedicated to movements and learning how to strike things and then I would go out into the outside world and I would be really awkward it's real weird it lasted a couple years standup changed it for me teaching and standup the two things that changed it for it teaching made standup easier because I was I would teach whole classes and uh I got used to being able to do that used to be able to talk in front of classes and explain the right way to get you know mo momentum and technique and all this different [ __ ] that was kind of complicated and when I explain it to the class I would get more more confidence because I was doing that when I was a teenager you know yeah your black belt this week you black belts than Ron vanle and [ __ ] Ron vanle you know is still
working out there's a video of him online I think he's even older than that I think he's in his 60s yeah he got karate tournament I think he was 62 years old he fought in a karate tournament bro I heard Dan I heard Danny Los Santo just got his brown belt in Jiu-Jitsu oh did he really he's 70 Danny Los Santo I believe has got to be a black in Jiu-Jitsu he's been I think he's been involved in in Jiu-Jitsu for a long time now his school is in in Marina del re and he still teaches Jun do well yeah yeah I mean Eric Paulson was one of his students I believe uh Paulson is a guy who's uh sometimes more famous for as a coach but he was a great Fighter for a while he was a shudo champion and uh Paulson I think the main style that he originally claimed was guno see but if you're into gundo you're essentially into MMA because gun do was Bruce Lee's style and the style that Bruce Lee always uh always preached was use whatever is useful learn everything learn learn whatever is useful whether it's boxing I mean he had he wrote a book The Da of gundo which is essentially like copied techniques of how to throw punches correctly from old boxing manuals he was like was like just of documenting all the stuff that we know works and he had some UniQue Ideas Bruce Lee did that to this day are starting to be adopted by people like uh like Bruce Lee was the one of the first guys to say that you should lead with your strong hand because in boxing you always lead with your jab and then your your power hand is your short hand your your strong hand which you throw less of and Bruce Lee said that doesn't make any sense you should throw more punches with your your dominant hand the the jab in the hooks are more frequent so you should lead with your more dominant hand and then boxers started doing that Oscar De La Hoya did that um there's quite a few boxers today to do that I don't know if Julio Julio Chavez Jr does it Andre Ward does it Shad Dawson does it it's really interesting man there's a lot of Fighters that do that now so Bruce Lee like predicted this [ __ ] like way back deep in the 70s So when you say that a guy like Eric Paulson's a g kundo guy like anybody who's smart is really a gundo guy cuz gundo is just like it's it's figure it all out pull it all together you know with K kicking from
Muay Thai you know punches from Karate this this Hook from boxing this is a double Leg Takedown that's from wrestling here's a headlock that comes from uh you know whatever catch wrestling and he was doing like arm bars and [ __ ] in movies like way back then that's how he tapped Sam Mo it's funny last night I was watching Pettis against uh Joe loone when he knocked them out with the kick and you said uh you know that we were talking they were talking about taekwan black Bel him and so is Duke yes I'm going to see Friday Duke Adam CH son Friday Duke [ __ ] Ru where you at this weekend German Town I'm going to see germant toown on Friday in Milwaukee Milwaukee Milwaukee Wisconsin go to Brown Paper Tickets and Thursday I'm in Madison Wisconsin at Brown Paper Tickets so Wednesday Milwaukee Thursday milwauke 20th and uh Friday Milwaukee so Thursday Madison Friday Milwaukee and my brother dead Squad bad [ __ ] stanh hope will be in Appleton Wisconsin hour from me so this is all happening Thursday night the 20th where I'm in Madison with Duncan Trussell Brown Paper Tickets and your brother Doug Stan hope is an hour up the road so that state will be all [ __ ] up oh that's beautiful he's up there for the weekend there was still tickets available for Stan hope I did see that and then tomorrow night I'm in Milwaukee I'll see my Man chel sunon flying in Duke rufus's and I'm going to go over and uh see him in the afternoon and then uh Stan hope is up in Appleton the rest of the week and tickets are still available the Scott Line Comedy Club he's a good man let's give some plugs uh Rogan is in Toronto yeah hey Brian we got to change the background to my Twitter page can we do that because it's still got April on there it's got March April and it say can July is the last one from Calgary that's the last one you talking about Ustream oh did I say Twitter sorry Ustream yeah Ustream somebody started doing it and then they stopped I don't know Wasing somebody else was doing it someone else there that works there right yeah because it says follow Joe and get notified every time he go live I never put that up on anything yeah so yeah we got a good weekend on I think AR's in Toronto check check this out at NBC La just tweeted that uh American Airlines has cancelled
over 300 flights this week what so I don't know why they're canceled them but if you're flying American or American Eagle you might want to check I'm American Airways tomorrow what the [ __ ] is that about I don't know they just tweeted it holy [ __ ] but they haven't said why I don't know if the planes are all [ __ ] God that means I'm not going to [ __ ] Madison oh my God oh my God you got to find out if your if your thing is still good I got to get out of here I'm going to Toronto this weekend there better not be some [ __ ] terrorist you're not American Airlines are you no no no oh by the way the end of the world show the tickets will go on sale on September the 28th so that's nine days from today and that is going to is that right there say that right yes uh September 28th um it'll be Joe Diaz Doug Stan hope honey honey and me and uh it's going to be a [ __ ] a festival a celebration of the end of History which we don't really think is going to happen we just it's not really end of the world we're just we just want to have a good time so we thought it'd be fun to uh put on like a super show so it'll be uh honey honey will go up and they'll they'll do some songs first and then it'll be a show with uh Diaz Stan hope and myself and we're going to have a [ __ ] blast we can't wait to do it just uh an opportunity to do something like this on a on a regular basis in La cuz we don't do too many shows in La we do a lot out here in Pasadena and this one's going to be fun so that's going to be uh September 28th those tickets go on sale and um what what shows are you and I doing together you can do oh that's right we're doing Arizona Arizona and Minneapolis October 19th already BR Walsh is out for Arizona man why I don't know he booked something else so Ari Shafi is coming I thought Ari shafir is doing something else no AR Shafi is coming he is or or red band Duncan somebody else could come okay well we have to find out yeah we have to find no one else is booked who else is booked no Shafi lost that weekend I talked he did when did he lose that weekend he said he forgot you forgot that you had given it to or something no way that's crazy he's crazy something happened because I asked him you gonna go to Arizona because I
seen Brendan wsh and he goes no I think he asked Brendan first or something so he didn't know he called Shandra I don't know what happens I don't know that doesn't make sense to me but that's good that's good we'll figure it out well either way October you and I are going to be there so other people will be there most likely Brian will be there too um did you call CIA collect is that true collect [ __ ] collect I just CA [ __ ] it up he doesn't even know what CA is I hilarious [ __ ] it up in Sacramento I want to know if you guys are interested and [ __ ] hanging someone's saying that the uh pilot thing is uh it's a a pilot strike for American Airlines that's what's going on say American Airlines American Eagle said they will cancel 300 flights this week to cope with the high number of Pilots reporting sick and increase in maintenance reports filed by Cruz they shut them down the oldfashioned way [ __ ] it sit outside go to the hospital and get a an MRI didn't you say you had a headache [ __ ] yeah whoopsies they've already canceled 249 flights this week 300 by the I heard they get paid [ __ ] I I heard that uh Pilots that it's a like a really a tough job to get by with they don't make good money you think they would but they don't apparently yeah I don't know [ __ ] tough job Man flying a whole [ __ ] tube full of soles through the air constantly because just cuz we get off the plane don't mean their afternoon is done they got to follow through and go to San Francisco or [ __ ] Baltimore some hell hole you know the other way and it's the other way too yeah and some of them don't get much sleep either that scares the [ __ ] out of me that scares the [ __ ] out of you sleep on the plane you know like a 12h hour turnaround or something like that like 12h hour turnar around and let's say they go back to the room where you've never had insomnia I've had [ __ ] insomnia like a [ __ ] [ __ ] so they probably take ambient so they're all [ __ ] ambient out I've known dudes who take ambient they get they all of a sudden get real squirly with reality reality becomes a little slippery dolphin on them you know do you know the dudes have you ever known anybody that needs that [ __ ] no yeah well you don't want to when someone
needs that amb sh amb and that's all I needed I did one of those I did a [ __ ] 16th of those things Rush limbo was on I did a 16th I did a pill cut in half cut in half again cut in half again it was an eighth or a 16th of a oxycotton really that a friend of mine gave me I had to lay down never again my blood pressure dropped dizzy Rush doing like a hundred of those [ __ ] yeah that's when I thought about that my heart went out to him I think it was 100 it was 50 a day he was doing there was no I was I ate an eighth and it was [ __ ] mindboggling what I felt like how bad I felt like that just crushes your body that [ __ ] synthetic hairin yeah and that's like one of the biggest problems we have in this [ __ ] country this one of the biggest problems we have in this country that [ __ ] synthetic heroin will kill you dog you'll start pissing [ __ ] green and [ __ ] like that yeah I guess he got up to 30 pills a day this one is saying I I swore I read that at one point in time was I thought it was 50 I I thought I Read 50 that's [ __ ] crazy that's two a pop that's 25 times a day he would pop two of them if he popped 50 yeah this is his um he his housekeeper got busted buying them for him like yeah this [ __ ] he sent her out to go buy buy pills for him and she said he took as many as 30 oxycottons a day so I don't know I don't know if she's right she could be crazy I don't know her you can't just listen to someone that says that you know but those those people that take that [ __ ] that and uh and ambient is a is another one that's uh a scary one I used to sell valume when I first got divorced in Colorado I was buying and in Colorado it was real volumes with the V them not these [ __ ] things they're making now what's the difference those are the mag those and those tens with the v in the Middle where the V was cut out what do they do what volumes just put you on the planet so I use them as to come down from something you know you do an eight ball of coke it's 700 in the morning you got to come down you're going to be watching daytime television till lunchtime you get your dicks up you know so you e volumes and then you chill out I remember one time in Bowman man I ow I ate 30 of those [ __ ] in three days this is in 2006 I had to stay in Houston for 4 days at the
Intercontinental I couldn't even talk on the phone to people people call me what year was this this is 2005 or six after a longest shot I went I went to Houston and I wanted these [ __ ] pills and the kids like we ain't got him but we got volum I said give me the [ __ ] volumes what the [ __ ] I was in Bowmont Texas the home of what's her name uh Bobby McGee what was her [ __ ] name the girl who used to come to The Comedy Store no what's the [ __ ] cool girl the one that sent Bobby McGee what's her name Me and Bobby McGee the K Tucky Coman yeah yeah she's from Bowmont that's where her little museum is at Kelly C so slay ham had a room in Bulma I get there on a Thursday I'm looking for blow and she like bro we ain't got no blow we got Vali Jan's jlin anybody wants to know I said what the [ __ ] give me the [ __ ] 30 valum like I'll eat two or three of them I'll bring the rest LA and give them out I I know a friend who like valum as soon as you chew them you hear oh my the first night I ate two the second night I ate two the next day I didn't have reer so I pop one for lunch that night I went to the club and I started drinking them with [ __ ] Jager Meers now with people on about volumes is they sit in your [ __ ] fat so you eat a 10 mgram volum five of it goes into your body the other five goes into your [ __ ] fat so what happens is the next day when you wake up and you drink your water thinking you're all healthy and you hit that [ __ ] one hit of a joint that volume kicks right back up again but what do you do you put a 10 inside of you so now you got the five that you popped and the five that's mother [ __ ] lurking in there so now you're popping these every day that's why I love when the people tell me they eat vales cuz this just pops up in your fat you'll never get that out of and people eat volumes 50% of them going go to the [ __ ] gym so that just just sits in your fat so every time you touch alcohol you smoke a cigarette or smoke a volume it just kicks that [ __ ] back into your system and [ __ ] it's amazing until it just piles up so I I bought 30 of them 30 it was a Thursday night at 11 when I got them the first night I popped one the next day I pop one that night I popped two or three of them drank Jager by Saturday I popped two in the
afternoon I couldn't fall asleep I went to the club and at the club I had a brown bag I didn't know what was in there it wasn't like in a weed container and I just kept popping on the club drinking Jaga mice to the second show I had to do on a stool and the management knew I was whacked out they pay me my money I buy an eightball and some chick gives me a number but in the [ __ ] dilemma I didn't give a [ __ ] if she had a boyfriend she told me she had to go home wait for the boyfriend I went home by myself and did the [ __ ] aball called the dealer and then called the chick and she's like I'm ready to come over and suck your dick now she comes over the dealer comes over I leave with him and he Tes me deep into the Bowmont [ __ ] Caribou down there know I'm to some Christians guys some good old Christians that was selling some cocaine straight from [ __ ] noras stash 4 in the morning my jaw we're driving back I'm [ __ ] paranoid we're going to get pulled over I get back to the hotel Sunday s Saturday night it was Saturday going into Sunday my flight Southwest was leaving at like 9:00 from Houston I had a still I was getting picked up at 6:30 it's 4:05 I pick up another eighty I go back to the room the chick shows up she sucks my dick one time but it was so dead it was Way Beyond dead it was dead no Houdini if 10 chicks in the room sucking it fingers up my ass Alpha Brain nothing nothing nothing uh any of those pills I was going straight on blow for 5 six hours plus the the amount of volumes I had dog at 8:00 in the morning the cocaine was gone she was all sucked up she was laying in one bed you know those hotels that have two beds yes I went to get the brown paper bag and stick my hand there there was nothing in there I flipped the bag over nothing here I am join I ate 30 [ __ ] valali in three days I couldn't [ __ ] believe I drank a bunch of water and went to sleep right it's Sunday maybe 10:00 I go to sleep I'm trying to [ __ ] her at this point my dick is flat it's got blood on it I'm scratching it from trying to whack off in the bathroom sniffing her underwear I'm sniffing her bra I'm sniffing her [ __ ] feet I'm trying to bang out something because you need you need to bang something out to fall asleep right cuz you're [ __ ] all
jacked up I'm trying to bang one out next thing you know dog I swear to God I hear Boom b b b b b b Bo I just passed out I'm on the bed I I must have jerked myself off to sleep whatever cuz I went back and she was in the other bed that's how coked up I was it was a naked lady but I was jerking her off that's the disease and the pills I couldn't even wake her up no more she's like you're not going to get it hard me up my dick was flat it had scratches from me trying to whack it off it was all small only the helmet comes out and you got to start from scratch so all you're whacking off at you got to work it work it work it and all a sudden it just dies like you think of your uncle playing baseball with you something it dies so now Joe Rogan this was horrible I hit boom B but like the feds or something I open up my eyes I look at the clock it's 1:00 the kid came at 7:00 to pick me up I didn't pick up the phone they knocked I didn't hear it I guess the chick woke up left I woke up it was the hotel manager goes are you staying another night I'm like yeah and he goes I need payment and I just went in my pocket and gave him like a $100 bill I go keep the change I went right back to sleep I woke up the next Monday I slept straight 24 hours I slept straight till Monday morning at 8: I called my friend who was an attorney to come to bowma and pick me up and he goes you going to make your flight no I didn't even call Southwest I had to buy another plane ticket so I just said I I drove with him I went and got a big Mex meic meal I was dehydrated everything and I went and got another big Mexican meal and then he goes what do you want to do you want to go to my house and I said no take me to the InterContinental Pete had a deal over there for like 60 a night before Felipe [ __ ] it up so I stayed in there for three days how Felipe [ __ ] it up he got [ __ ] up with a chick that had a dick in a [ __ ] one those best nights she had a [ __ ] and instead of calling her her name is Nikki he kept calling her tricky cuz she had a dick and a [ __ ] but anyway back to the situation I got to that hotel Monday I I lived off room service the money I made in bont I had to call Terry to send me like the credit card number I had eaten it cuz all I could do was eat to refuel I couldn't
even talk to nobody my agents were calling me where are you they want to see you I would call people and I couldn't this side of my face wasn't moving bro wow like I was try to to like you know when you go to the dentist and your face is dead that's how bad I was I didn't make it out of [ __ ] Houston till Thursday wow took me 5 days and that's the last time I basically ate a pill that's why after that I knew something had to be done Mattis had to be taken I got a boogie out of here let's get out of here powerful mad flavor listen there's a dude who's got your name it's Joel on Twitter so you don't have mad flavor or you don't have Joey Diaz you got to get Joey Diaz we need to figure out how to get that if anybody knows how to do that contact me it's ridiculous that some dude named Joel is running around out there with Joey Diaz's name we need to have Joey Diaz be Joey Diaz on on Twitter Matt flavor is too goddamn obscure it's confusing the [ __ ] out of people right am I right Brian yeah I I think Joy d would be definitely better but I like mad flavor I love mad flavor Planet Rock even Joey Planet Rock Diaz how's that remember when you were Planet Rock bro I'm still Planet Rock just whatever mind frame you're in brother great to see you thank you for I love R I love you to death I wanted to come up here I haven't had an intimate one in a while but two more weeks and we'll come up and do one to five and really get down music Let's Get Down Ary we talk about the martians whatever the [ __ ] you want to talk about rch dressing rch dressing people still send me I love you guys by the way I love the guys that still come to me and they say I went to this restaurant and I asked her and she didn't have it so we left and they take a picture of the menu people actually so thank you very much for all the love you give me Ben I love you [ __ ] thanks to whoever the [ __ ] that sculptor is that made the sculpture of the werewolf [ __ ] the gorilla in the ass whoever you are out there masked man he did a [ __ ] amazing job that's thing is it's wicked it'll be up in the new studio and um thanks to honor.com for sponsoring the show go to o nnit t use the killed name Rogan and you'll save 10% off any and all supplements and Des squad. TV for all your kitty cat t-shirt
needs Hypno or shops squad. TV yeah either well well just you know you know how to find it [ __ ] I'll see you in Madison tomorrow night [ __ ] we'll see you tonight at The Ice House Joy's GNA be here tonight it's Joey D arera Doug Benson Greg Fitz Simmons Ari shafir Brian Redban it's going to be stacked it's a crazy crazy [ __ ] show flying Jew is coming too shafir the flying Jew is coming seora had a cancel last minute and shafir snuck in and took a spot so boom done son see you goodbye everybody we'll see you soon