Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVAva4D0jyw
is that it I never know how to start these things D Mya hey Jill Rogan what's up my brother I know was thinking comedy team for us let me just kind of a thing Rogan and Nera he's wacky I'm wackier what do you think you like it you like can we have a wife that like always wins I can't um hear my there's something wrong with this headphone Brian is that it check it check it check it okay there it goes I found the volume there's something [ __ ] with it yeah um could we have like um wives that always win yeah that would be great right that's funny always smart talking dog a talking dog that's bold no like how about an alien remember when they had what was that Al was that the show they had a talking [ __ ] My Favorite Martian but he was like a normal guy from Marsh didn't Al eat cats or something crazy like that yeah he wanted to eat cats all the time you know the real jerk that's actually really funny when you think about it do you know the real guy the Father the the father in that show and he always wanted to like blow derix what did you ever hear that no I hope I hope I'm right about this information cuz i' hate to ruin somebody's reputation he used to like to blow like uh Street people wow I know it's a a little that could be high risk holy [ __ ] is this a way to start the show is that that's a beautiful way to start the show we haven't even done the commercial yet [ __ ] flashlight I love it I got figure out how to do these Fleshlight commercials in a different way and after you've done it 200 times there's no way Fleshlight yeah this this is a commercial right now they're terrific it's a terrific product have you used One D my R all the time really every day they're pretty good all day all day better than masturb better than masturbating I choked on my words that's how excited I got about it started better better than masturbating I'm like choking and [ __ ] your throat started coming I choke I gagged uh anyway go to Jo rogan.net click on the link for the Fleshlight enter in the code name Rogan and save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men Shazam we are also brought to you by on it.com o nnit t makers of alphab brain and shro Tech sport which is completely unnecessary for Brian because Brian is like he's just not into
pushing it you're the opposite of shom tech sports right you need like shroom Tech ludes I need shroom Tech sleep you have sleeping pills yet that'd be awesome just take some meona you don't have a high B ATO huh I don't even know what that means do you does you dick it heart often oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah my dick yeah yeah I don't have a higho though he's a he's a little bit of a pervert I believe yeah really I well I found out last night on a podcast that you know how you have that joke about the [ __ ] in the front of your shirt yes uh I I also have that happen all the time and I was saying like how one of my my laundry is one out of four shirts if I look at it it has the [ __ ] crystals all over it right and and I sit in front of Dana de Doug Benson and uh Lexi Bell and all of them thought I was Psycho they're like that's disgusting I've never heard heard of a guy por hardcore fisting everything like it's oh it's so Sil I find that repulsive so you guys agree with me right course you you'll have shirts that you look down you're like [ __ ] was that sloppy hey I had a time I was going to play basketball it was like a Saturday morning and I forgot that I had putting like toilet paper all over my stomach and all from jerking off right so wait it was so embarrassing I get I I I get up and I I get down I just like maybe had something to eat real late and I'm walking out with a friend of mine and he came to pick me up walking down to the gym and I take off my shirt cuz so [ __ ] hot and there's all this toilet paper stuff almost to my neck right and he goes oh what the [ __ ] that I go oh jeez never mind oh geez never mind I went to met a friend the that he came in the house was going to go out and have a beer with him we're all living together and I hear him go oh oh and I hear him different parts of ass I think he's walking around house with his pants down jerking off so another next day I'm at the basketball court and and he comes up he goes didn't you hear me last night I go yeah I [ __ ] heard you he goes I broke my nose he bent down and broke his nose I said oh thank God I thought you were jerking off that what a relief what a similar sound oh it's very similar oh yeah that that broke nose feeling like oh
[ __ ] anyway on it.com on N nit makers of Alpha Brain shroom Tech sport which was the stuff that I was talking about took four of them last night D marera beat [ __ ] out of that heavy bag son get that bag bag hates you Jo bags are a beautiful thing if you don't have a heavy bag if you can have a heavy bag and you're silly get get one of those things it's like the best stress reliever of all time great now imagine what would have happened if what you just went through when you were younger and and less and much more volatile what I just went through you had a if you didn't have a family and PE for yourself and the whole thing um there's a lot of nonsense in this world d i what the [ __ ] could be worth it that guy how did he know who he was [ __ ] with people are so we're just talking about dudes giving dudes the finger or whatever in the car like road rage all the time it's just so common and it's so silly like people if someone gets in front of you like why are you really that upset you really going to give me the finger the finger like that hurts too hey not the finger so silly like what kind of a what kind of a man does that Brian tell me tell me you're almost that [ __ ] why is that [ __ ] you're manlike tell him an angry guy that takes too much supplements before going to jiujitsu could be could be's getting ready for combat yeah he's in war right that's what it is he's in that frame of mind yeah anyway I don't like the idea of seeing myself by the way I I forget what I look like you know I really do I forget that I I'm like starting to look Mongolian yeah we talked about this the last time [ __ ] yeah you look a hint of Inuit is I think how we described it I don't like saying I don't believe it real to the music Brian oh yeah enter in the code name Rogan blah blah blah shroom techport uh is the stuff that we were talking about Alpha Brain is another cognitive enhancing supplement that I didn't take before the show so hopefully I won't suffer I'm going to take one I'm going to have to pull one out in the middle of a good story Joe did you get the list of questions I want you to ask me so I could hit you back with my zingers so Dom I understand you just got back from the zoo funny you should say that Joe you wouldn't believe all the funny things that happened to me at the
Zoo today go to o nnit t enter in the code name Rogan save yourself 10% we will have the kettle bells available this week and uh all information about that soon to follow all right holla hit the music Jo Rogan podcast check it out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day wow he's got a new fate every time the kid just when you think he can't just he can't add a different flare there's no more flares to add is this retardo monab bomb over here I got so much good feedback I got so much good feedback calling you a [ __ ] it's the cool thing to do well um Brian is slightly playing a character on the show ladies and gentlemen it's it's subtle it goes in and out even I don't know when it's there I I don't recognize it but uh um but he he balances me out yeah now you guys are the yin and yang of life that's what we've been trying to form a new band and that's what it was going to be called we guys are the yinyang of Life the yinyang twins kind of a long hook yeah that we would have to go to war with the yinyang twins they would kick our ass for for jacking their name no we could copyright that [ __ ] cuz they don't have a podcast we do a podcast first called the yinyang Twins and then we own the yinyang twins podcast that seems unscrupulous I had no idea this [ __ ] I had no idea this show was just this [ __ ] big I swear to God I mean it's amazing I'm in Chicago people are coming up to me one guy came they came to the show he goes man you know I didn't really hear you before but when you did the podcast you and Rogan were so [ __ ] funny I had to come I go holy [ __ ] you know what I mean like I did the show not like I felt like I was doing you a favor but you got a show of course I want to do it you know what I mean it's like but you didn't think that that many people are going to I had no [ __ ] clue I'm so [ __ ] I don't know what the real numbers are right now it's pretty high though and it's what it is though is the difference is they're with you for hours at a time and they're comedy people they're people that's a big difference because when I like late night shows nobody gives a [ __ ] you know I mean it's hard too do don't you feel when you do a late night show that you
don't even get a chance to really get cooking you're doing like five minutes or something like that or seven minutes ah man I can't do it I just my my mind doesn't function like that for a set it's it's really hard to to pull off and get a true feeling what the experience of seeing someone live is plus you like like I like just to do some stuff that's just improvisation [ __ ] around and my the most fun I ever had was on Craig Ferguson when he introduced me and gave me the wrong credit he said he you can see down at the Denver Comedy Works this week I said thanks a lot what a crack staff you have I was there last week but I'm so hot in the business I have to post plug things or the place will be stormed right and then he said well let's just start it over he came out on stage like I'm starting over I got to spot at the land Factory later I can't I don't have this kind of time but that was fun cuz it was real right right you can't do that every time but it's to to have enough time just to [ __ ] around is odd you know most of the times it's like it's so rigid you start with your first bit it just so [ __ ] corny at the desk like we were just saying about the zoo ask me he ask me this right yeah that's we I mean it's cool when someone has a good story you know and you get some Nick Noti character it's got some crazy story but for the most part you're you're accepting a contrived conversation yeah is there I mean I saw an actress on one of the shows L I couldn't watch it but that's some of the most boring [ __ ] TV there is and Letterman said really they just want to see you in other words you're so [ __ ] vapid just sit here don't even worry about talking you know what I mean I'll do the talking just sit there because you have nothing to offer has Kim Kardashian ever been on Letterman I don't know probably what talk shows has she been on she has to be on everything right I don't know I've never seen her interviewed it's one of the things that I was I was marveling at one day I was like I don't think I know her voice she's been in the Lamar odm big [ __ ] show I don't I don't think I if if if her the character playing her voice was substituted with a new character I don't know if I would be able to pick it out no I was like it's amazing that she became like super famous without me I
mean in like in my world like I know who she is on a regular basis but without me ever hearing her talk that's that's that's incredible like I might have heard like one or two of the commercials or something like that or maybe I watched one one episode of the show but you know what I'm saying like if if you somebody tried to replace your voice I would go that's not D marera I know what he sounds like if someone tried to do Jeff gold Blum I know what Jeff gold Blum sounds like right but I hear your Rhythm I know what Letterman's voice sounds like but I don't know what her voice sounds like here she is on Letterman like you could dubb this with a completely different person's voice it's a but she's as famous as like what's the chick's name from Friends uh Jen Jennifer Anderson who whose voice is like extremely welln yeah you know what I mean like Jennifer Anderson is very specific and an accomplished actress what did she but you exactly like it's amazing how famous she's got with very little words she's 25 25 was just a kid and she's getting married was that exciting yeah it was very exciting and there's that could be a totally fake voice and I wouldn't know can sound nothing like what she sounds like Maria bramford could be dubbing her voice it's amazing how far a human being can go in the world of Fame without ever saying anything well don't you think like you know you know a lot of you turn an alien I should have done in this children in the house wow she's The Exorcist my brother Brody was here the other day May St red R red R that's the nightmare he is a nice kid she's demonically possessed this is actually an encoder he's got a secret decoder ring and uh it's it's deciphering what her real voice actually is before Lucifer's powers like his father his voice oh that's scary well that's the freakiest [ __ ] why is that demonic when it's just shitty summer what did you do for your summer uh I went to Africa this this [ __ ] [ __ ] is going to kill me diamond empowerment fund sent me and my sister and um my boyfriend and and we just went to batswana and um it was really cool to see how all the diamonds really helped the country out there wait a minute what back it up [ __ ] holy [ __ ] what the [ __ ] did she just say the diamond oh my
God that was hilarious Len holy [ __ ] life is not real I'm telling you Diamond EMP [ __ ] brother's movie and uh my boyfriend and and we just went to Botswana and um it was really cool to see how all the diamonds really helped the country out there a nod like thinking that people are going to applaud right right you know conception of of what was going on there and so every year I like to go on a vacation out of the country well I think that's good to get out and see what's going on but see I had and believe I'm ignorant in most matters uh a a different impression that that the diamond industry uh maybe on a global stage was generating huge sums of money but locally in these countries where they were M that the people were being exploited did you did you that's what I assumed before I went there and so that's kind of why I wanted to go and it's completely the opposite these diamonds fund the schools and the hospitals they fund pretty much the entire country but I was a little bit disappointed in Africa because I wanted to go see some wildlife animals and it's like this 24-hour flight I was so excited to see like giraffes and these crazy animals I saw a few Cubs but when I get home off of the 24-hour flight in Calabasas California my sister and I are driving into my mom's house and the neighbor is having a little party with giraffes and we flew 24 hours all the way to Africa to see giraffes wild dress did not see a thing we go to Calabasas and they're having a birthday party where they hir but where where where can where can you get giraffes how do you get them um well I rented a monkey for my mom for a week because she was missing the the bab the monkey for your mom was a rental yes it was a rental see her material is funny Joe oh my God she got some good animal stuff I mean wow does does she have a point I'm really stoned from watching that does she have any point at all I mean maybe she does have a point her point was that that diamonds are good for the whole general population pay for the hospitals that's what she's saying I don't know maybe they do and you know you can do that and still exploit children if you
had to [ __ ] Kardashian or Anison which one um I bet janif for Anison knows how to throw it down yeah I would imagine she knows how to throw it down um if you could cut off her head and switch the bodies no yeah which one Kardashian if you can cut off her head why would you want to cut off her head I'm kid let me just I would want to cut off her she's really she's very pretty but she's she she's so vapid that uh like I mean I think she really cares if she's watching this whether or not I'd want to [ __ ] her or Jennifer Anis um yeah probably I think Jennifer Anis to be more fun yeah for sure I think I don't know though I don't know Kim Kardashian does have a porno with a black dude that's a chick that's willing to go deep true that's why I think Jennifer Anders would be great you can't fail a disappointer exactly that's right yeah um whatever what kind of conversation is this who would you [ __ ] Jennifer Anderson or well how did it even get under her oh it was like Jennifer Anderson's voice that's what we're talking about yeah it's [ __ ] hard out there for a chick chick's trying to be famous you know if she was doing the same thing that if Kim Kardashian was a guy though and she was doing what she's doing like she would be like uh especially for the marriage part like she married for like 72 hours or whatever it was to that basketball player right yeah well how long was she married for I think it was was a month or something like that but whatever it was you know it's like it's a shame they had think that they that you do that it's and you do it as like a piece of it's a plot it's like this is her life all of a sudden becomes theater and they start introducing false things like false marriages like hire some other high-profile to come in and marry her on the show and then they break up and wow is that what they're doing is because if it is what they're doing it's pretty brilliant it's if if you think about what she's done I mean just tactically the way she's sort of uh entered into the entertainment industry like a lot of people get mad they say she's vapid she's this and that but but what she is is she's she's been super successful in getting people to pay attention to
hering it's [ __ ] incredible I mean it's it's amazing what you can pull off when you are single-minded and you pursue that and you you know you do it the way she's done it and obviously you you look like her yeah you know what you know what reminded me of going back when you when this kind of point hits you is when the OJ trial and K Kalin went out and did comedy for a while and for that one moment in time he was more famous than almost any of the comedians you know right at the top of the OJ trial K Kalin was selling out the MGM and he was trying to do comedy yeah he did stand up did he do it before for no no oh that's horrible oh yeah well Charlie Sheen that that's yeah Charlie Sheen well you know who did that who's got [ __ ] balls I've talked about it before but Charlie Murphy Charlie Murphy Oh I know didn't have a lot going on like as far as his career and then got on the Chappelle show and he was in his 40s and then started doing standup and he was famous and Not only was he famous he was famous of like the brother of one of the greatest standups ever so he's got Charlie Murphy his brother's Eddie Murphy they look alike and you know I mean he's he's going out there literally he's done comedy for like a couple of months [ __ ] headlin it yeah that's he had unbelievable he's got balls that guy has [ __ ] balls we did a month Maxim Tour on the road together and uh Charlie Murphy man he he he's got [ __ ] balls that guy we would alternate headline and he'd only been doing com he could follow you he did he did a couple times what did he do he did well yeah people first of all he's a good Storyteller and and people love him and if he's in his right Groove he he's just got to be comfortable you know when Charlie's comfortable he's comfortable he's got like a couple different gears you know when he's comfortable and he's telling a story there are very few people in the world is entertaining as that guy he has this realistic sort of like uh aggressive kind of like real brutal honesty you know but with a cool voice you know he he can tell a [ __ ] out of a story well for brothers of famous people I'll take Tony Rock Tony Rock's hilarious he's good he's very funny that guy gets slept on you know I i' had seen him a couple of years ago like way back at the Laugh
Factory and he was really funny then he was like promising you know no he's really good and then I saw him at the Improv like recently and I I came up to him after it said I was like dude you got way better like that was like really fun to watch it's fun to watch a guy that you haven't seen for years and then you see him and you're like damn you've been working and and he's like thanks man I'm been like I'm in the gym I'm in the gym you know he's he's got the right attitude about it he's [ __ ] good it is in the gym it is in the gym it sounds it sounds well that for us it's the gym you you got to get on stage me look at Bill Burr I mean I've seen him take strides and he's so [ __ ] good per perfect example Bill Burr was always really funny but now it's like he's just uh he's super prolific too now he's just nailing it you know he's just like he's constantly putting out new stuff and you go to see him it's you know it's fun it's like you know I agree with him I don't agree with him I'm still laughing he says something completely ridiculous and overaggressive I'm still laughing you know it's [ __ ] great it's just it's he's uh he's one of the last of uh the Boston Comics you know that real like uh intelligent but like still manly aggressive sort of comedians there was a lot of guys like that Boston yeah Lenny Clark and that whole group you know that was one one one of the things that Dan Cook and I were talking about once about growing up and and doing standup together in Boston was that those guys were men they were [ __ ] like Lenny Clark yeah they were tough guys they were comedians they weren like neishi problems with their mother kind of they were animals Lenny Clark was a [ __ ] Savage I met him I met Lenny right after you guys did uh he didn't you do the HBO Comedy R Dangerfield I got a chance to open he was the second guy I ever got paid to open for I used to forget about the first guy and it he was the first for a while first time I ever got paid I open up for Lenny Clark cuz it sounds good but it was really the second time first time was a guy named Warren McDonald's actually a very funny guy too but um but I uh I worked with him right after he got just just got done doing the Rodney special oh my God he was he's a [ __ ] animal such balls oh he was an animal we were up in Seattle to see the
NCAA and these guys they were [ __ ] drinking all day I can't I mean Don Gavin all them and we're at a party and this CBS guy comes up to me and he says I'm a big fan of yours and I didn't have a ticket Lenny's at like Jackie gleon bigger than Le go hey if you're such a big [ __ ] fan get him a ticket to the game the guy goes oh okay you know sheepishly like what's he going to do what is that movie that uh I think is Fran Salam did that movie on uh Boston comedy yeah how do you spell Fran Salam I don't know f r fr Z yeah oh when standups Fran salomo when standup stood out which is a a great documentary on standup comedy and uh about the one town about Boston and what it was like you know back then and it's a it's a really accurate depiction because there's a lot of old video like old video Lenny Clark and those guys and and Jimmy tingle and then talking about the the dingho like the Chinese restaurant was like the first place like man I'm I'm I was like right after that wave those guys were like those guys were the big established Headliners right when I was becoming an open they were good to me too cuz they could bury people if they wanted to Nicks Nicks was tough well you know for the the people that don't know Dom was one of the only guys I ever paid to see do comedy before after I was a comedian there was only like a few guys once I became a comedian like once I had done like Open Mic nights but uh I I went to see you remember how much it cost to see me I wish I did I went to see BR I went to see you a couple times did I get you late too I went to see you uh before I ever did stand up I'm pretty sure it was either before or right before or right when I was doing it but uh I went to see you and uh you didn't make the flight something happened and Dennis ly was in your place it was the first time I ever saw Dennis ly he [ __ ] [Music] destroyed always good back then he was on fire he was my favorite comedian for 6 months until some you know until I saw Bill and I was like what the [ __ ] is going on here see I didn't I didn't see as much as other people did with the parallels and Bill Bill was a friend of mine but yeah Bill had a funny joke
about it how he uh he actually invented he went back in time and did the jokes before stole them then went back in time and did them before and added punchlines right right I don't I I think I butchered the quote but you know when they asked him like you know who stole it from who you know my nightmare was about the HBO thing but riding thefield was was like I'd rather not get a compliment than the compliment I would get I'd have somebody come up to me go man you my favorite on that show beat you and that guy dice don't [ __ ] compliment me if you going to compare you you have always had a problem with dice and know you and dice have actually gotten into it but um when I was a kid man I was a [ __ ] huge fan of dice and I don't think there's anything wrong I I like his comedy it doesn't bother me I like it comedy doesn't bother me I just don't like him you don't like him yeah I never have a bad problem with him I've never had any issues with him how can't you be a 50 60-year-old uh F see I look at him I think he's a character you look at him as like he's some guy who disrespected you or something something happened right there's only three comedians I hate let me guess one Billy Crystal I don't consider him a comedian what what is that what is that about cuz I heard there was uh Billy Crystal was such an [ __ ] to me I was I was really I was you know and he was always been really nice to me but he was with the Nero and I was hosting this thing for Comedy Central and we're doing a review review of that [ __ ] movie uh Analyze That remember the first one was good Analyze This it was the the Nero movie yeah and then the second one wasn't good yeah but he got all of a sudden he's buddying up with the Nero and he like he starts like acting condescending towards me so I [ __ ] with him right away I go Billy you hosting the Academy Awards this year he goes I don't know why I said can you mention me to the people in The Academy he goes for what I go I don't know some kind of a w you figure it out then he realized then he realized I had duped him you figure it out yeah he lost his sense of humor right yeah he got too cool but I mean you know he was always right the
beginning that's but in that situation he lost his sense of oh yeah well he was trying to act like him and dairo were these dear friends and I'm thinking this is Robert dairo sitting next come on Billy you're Billy Crystal people people love to be friends with someone like dairo you can put that [ __ ] on your resume hey I'm going over Bobby D's house for barbecue this weekend I did a reading with him I did rarely do I get impressed you imagine someone saying that to you and wearing like a a running track suit while they're saying [ __ ] that noise those like fake Italian immigrants these uh immigrants to California from the East Coast fake it Ian dudes were always connected you know those the guys were always trying to break into acting those fake tough guy dudes right right go to Bobby D's house yeah good gu at Bobby D yeah who else who else is it real Sean connory if you could say you're friends with Shan connory I'm going fly fishing with Shan connory actually well that's people who have to drop even like countries yeah I got these oh nice shoes yeah got them in France you like that makes it a [ __ ] big deal oh you got them in France would you would you be friends with uh uh what's his face um the guy from Paul fixon [ __ ] that's uh oh my God I just had a brain fart John travolto yeah John travolto I think he [ __ ] you I think if you're friends that's what happens he [ __ ] you somebody friend I heard on some radio station what a what a pal what's the other guy that was in Greece that recently died from a drug overdose that was that Kiki or or not is it keni Greece that recently died of a drug over yeah the the other main guy in Greece that that was in Celebrity Rehab oh is he the guy that was in uh on from Taxi yeah the is that the guy oh [ __ ] this sucks cuz I think you're talking about Jeff something or another the one that just recently died I don't know I don't know that guy's name I don't know I'll look it up I had heard that that see I've only really watched Celebrity Rehab once and uh I get depressed I don't I don't like watching people that are falling apart I don't like taking in that Vibe you know I know I mean occasionally I like to know it's Jeff Conway know what Jeff Conway is the guy yeah he he said that that he actually
spent the night once at his house and supposedly this is what I heard on radio radio that he went over there to spend the night at his house and he crashed and he woke up and and he was fondling him like just like who was fondling trol Travolta was fondling him oh je I hate that don't you hate when you wake up and one of your friends is playing with your balls yeah just me you wake up and the dude from Pulp Fiction is sucking your dick and then and then let you suck my dick will you leave me alone Mike Wallace I I heard that Mike Wallace from n whatever the inquir is or whatever he works for that that released all this [ __ ] said like they asked him you know like is this [ __ ] fake are you guys just trying you know are these people really telling the truth and they're like d we give them lie detector tests we [ __ ] like go and check like if they say any detail like going to like hotels or something like that they they get it uh this was on the Howard Stern Show that that he said this and stuff like that then then that all these people are all telling the truth like all of them so all these Mass is all telling the truth yeah is that crazy well who knows we don't know we we don't have an official stance on this Experience Podcast nor Brian red I'm just regurgitating what what I've been hearing on I happen to know but I'm not talking oh DT you know what I'll be talking tell us about the time that you worked as a masseuse for the Hollywood Elite I'm not I'm not talking you know what I'll be talking June 30th at the tropican in Atlantic City that's when I'll be talking those big manly hands that you have I bet you would you would give a good massage my hands are very soft you know are they yeah they could they could toughen up quickly you know what would be a good good show is Dom and Joey Diaz dressed up as women like Booz and buddies but with them that be the funniest you know I never thought I'd say this I never thought I'd say this but I'd be the hot one be awesome if it was like Golden Girls maybe throwing another person I like seeing people like Joey cuz it makes me feel not as fat I'm not that fat yeah I do a joke about like no matter how chaotic my life
is when I'm hanging around with Joey Diaz I'm like I'm fine it's just like a a balancer balancer a leveler he's your Canary in the he's my canary and the co Miner I love Joey and I I always love to know what he's thinking oh he has that look on his face Joey Diaz could would just read the newspaper and have you crying and laughing yeah just point out anything I never met a dude who's who makes me laugh like that guy does on a consistent basis he gets [ __ ] crazy he'll get crazy about ketchup this ain't [ __ ] ketchup jogan when I was Cuban back in Jersey we had [ __ ] ketchup it was real ketchup this is some watery [ __ ] it doesn't taste like he he'll get [ __ ] angry no Hines is actually pretty good the [ __ ] out of here hindes you [ __ ] M buying up hind Joe I just got off the road with him right and and in one of the hotels we stayed at that had a business CER he like come on you got to go to the business center with me and just watching him sit here checking his thing miggers like look at that picture like he's just sitting there like with his glasses on doing the computer system I worked I worked with him at Miami I worked with him at Miami Improv and the whole day hung at the club so he could use the phone really just to make local calls he could [ __ ] do it from the the room but he he chose to do it from the club he used to uh yeah he used to not even have a cell phone yeah he for the longest time Joey just had a p when everybody else had a Joey still had a pag yeah he would just you would never be able to find him dude now he's embraced it man he has number one [ __ ] CD on iTunes comedy that's crazy he's gone completely digital really well yeah we got Joey on Twitter and then Joey started really getting into it for a while like [ __ ] this Myspace Facebook what the [ __ ] am I doing all right and then after a while I'm not sending you [ __ ] text message Joe Rogan you know remember you had a whole video about you sending him text messages and he would get angry yeah he we made a video about it it was one of the the with one of the earliest videos they were called uh that was a des squad one right what number was it no that was Joe show or Joey Diaz ready to die oh Joey Diaz ready to die God damn it if you can find that is that online
somewhere yeah what's this you got to it's it's [ __ ] it's a brilliant brilliant video it's one is he is he working he's alive he's a science project who if Joey Diaz just sits you down and goes over all the substances dog all the years all the the Pink Floyd albums I listen to [ __ ] If he if he wouldn't go over his history you'd be like there's no way he could be alive how's this guy how is it possible he's healthy as a horse Joey Diaz is a [ __ ] Savage he'll live to be a thousand it's amazing isn't you ever think like high school football players die on a field from dehydration then you get guys who wake up every day think how can I kill myself today and they're still alive well Joey's really healthy now he lost a lot of weight too he lost like eight 0 lb he lost a lot of weight cuz he got real big for a while and it sucked cuz like we would go places like we would go to the airport and like he hated when he had like a long walk to the rental car oh that's a bad sign yeah it's like you know he would get he was getting big but he had you know and he didn't want to do it with surgery he just did it with his will he just got on Weight Watchers and slowly shed it away he defitely weight on the road though how do how how do you cook the [ __ ] and all I think it's like they give you like a point system I think the way works is like you know Pizza is x amount of points and this is that amount of points you get so many points a day and um they have it broken down where really healthy things are like very few points like I think like celer is like zero point to could just eat celery by itself all day mostly water yeah you can't even it actually is really good for you it cleans your cleans your poop shoot out oh that's good to know tremendous speaking of Travolta I uh I drank this kale shake that has a lot of celery it has five stocks of celery in it so I take every day five stocks of celery five stocks of celery a big bushel a big [ __ ] leaf of kale um pears garlic ginger and it grinds it all up and makes it like a swall like a like a soupy like pea soup very much like pea soup were you in a cover of magazine I was on a cover of of like with martial arts magazine martial yeah I heard I haven't seen that I want
to see it yeah you're like split in half you're like doing a split on one of them yeah I think I think I was throwing it no you know what on the black belt one no I was just standing there like like really stupid I should have never let them make me pose like that they're like why don't you like Cross Your Arms look at the camera like you're very serious so that's what I did and then I was like ew I suppose the two what message is that I should be smiling do you think you could beat the two of us if we just like charge you right now I would hope I would never have to know yeah how douchy do I look and look at your old tattoo right there it's than cute my poor tattoo it's still there I got to get lasered off to finish my right sleeve the Aaron delova sleeve that's Graphics bong right no no no it's um it was like a thing that I drew it was like a demon with a Jester's mask on it it's so crazy cuz I always thought it was the graphics Spong I was like damn that dude loves [ __ ] weed it's so stupid it's such a stupid little tattoo well I was an artist I actually drew that you know and when I was a kid I used to draw a lot of uh demons with like hats and demons like demons with baseball hats on and [ __ ] like standing over little kids beds oh jeez I us to draw some creepy [ __ ] and uh I I drew that and so that was my first tattoo I just noticed it says Joe Rogan proves fear is not a factor yeah how how young were you Joe I guess I was in my early 30s yeah yeah cuz Fear Factor went on for like six years were you still in your 20s when I made you yes yeah when when we met I was really young you and I met um when we did um Montreal together we did uh Showtime that's right I think I was only like 24 or 25 and then we we met in New York at the David Brenner's pool yeah yeah we played pool together we met at uh Amsterdam and Dom's one of the few we I brought my queue today Dom's one of those guys we we threatened to play each other like once a month that's what we always say we try to do but sometimes we'll go like years did you just show me do splits oh that's the one I was talking about now if I was a gay man holy [ __ ] I'd be I'd be into me I just did a a a new uh thing for this Fighters only magazine just did a more recent one
where I don't look as good what's the last fight you've been in like a real fight like a fist fight like a street fight not since I was a teenager oh yeah yeah I avoid everything I don't you got to you you kill people the way or you get stabbed or shot or guess what there's a lot of people out there that know how to fight they might beat your [ __ ] ass yeah you know like the idea of going around getting in fights with people it's like most almost everything we could get along without that almost every situation in life can get along without someone beating the [ __ ] out of somebody almost everyone well that's what I was saying yeah today and when it's not when you can't get along without it it's like well you're in the presence of some sort of a dangerous scary person who's not thinking clearly you know otherwise you think Brian and I who do you think would win that point Brian would uh he would just quit right away get out of breath he's this he has this move are you ticklish I don't know I mean seriously like if I go over there I never got tickled by a guy what if I just give you a little tickle right now he just drops his pants and he opens up his butt and the vision is so horrific and his shirt falls down into his armpit so his gut hangs down and he's just opening up his [ __ ] as wi as can be you just run away you'll just run away you won't want none of that okay the what he's willing to do to you yes and then you come close to him he'll try to lick you or something it's like you don't you don't want that you don't want that he'll just grab your face and just start licking you I'm glad I he'll tongue kiss you he would tongue kiss you to get out of trouble he would tongue kiss you just grab you and just start making out with you and you would run you would run you know every animal has its own way of Defending itself in its environment you know like o octopuses they they they they blend in they become they become camouflaged right yes there's a lot of uh a lot of animals they blend in with the reef right DOA yes that's why Nemo was so brightly colored is that why so Nemo could blend in with the reath I was hoping we get the Nemo by this point the show I assume well that's a beautiful fish why why why would nature want something so brightly colored cuz it's
cute it's pretty [ __ ] bizarre man when you think about the colors that nature has chosen and stuck with as far as designs of things like tigers like a big giant crazy killing machine that's beautiful with like white and like different Stripes to it it's not just like why does it have to have different Stripes to it it's obviously just [ __ ] things up that's all this thing does like it's not worried about anybody like that thing has no natural predator so it it's completely Fearless so it's expressing itself as boldly as it wants to it's not hiding from [ __ ] it's on the the apex of the Predators you know but why is it so beautiful why is it colored like that like what what benefit of natural selection was it that the tigers that made it to maturity and and lived the longest and decided to you know outbreed the others were the ones that were brightly colored and beautiful that's wild man you know how we find new species all the time wouldn't it be cool if we found like new colors once in a while like we just found this new color you blow you your mind yeah like if they just figure out like something that they can add like hard dis space to your Optical nerves and all of a sudden you see a broader spectrum of colors or just a different color like like imagine because we grew up with all these colors but if you just threw a new color into the mix and that BW all the charts you know what's amazing about you guys smok hot doesn't seem to affect you I mean is it possible that there could be another color I don't know enough about colors I know I don't know because we have this whole graft like the color wheel and rainbows and [ __ ] to like go on as proof and like that's the only thing that's color is Spectrum but what if we there's something just throws a wrench into that mix and now you're like oh that yeah ex I mean that has to have happened throughout history right where they thought they had figured out well how about those [ __ ] that were using leeches oh how the [ __ ] did that ever happen blood they had doctors that were using leeches like they act like they gone to doctor school and like leeches appear to help well how about blood leing Joe the worst thing you could [ __ ] do for a sick person is let more blood out leomy and they thought there was bad blood inside of
them J Christ there was so much stupidity when it came to the human anatomy and and how to fix things they used to use leeches on black eyes for Fighters oh Jes they did on on the swollen eye they put a leech it would suck the blood out do you remember in Rocky he couldn't see out of his eye cut me he actually asked him to cut him cut me Mick cut me what kind of nonsense is that I've done that during sets but he ridiculous like no one ever done that why' they put that in the movie God damn it sly I want some answers come on bur just Mur dead that guy is [ __ ] way bigger than everybody says he is I am so tired of everybody telling me that Sylvester Stallone is like this little tiny guy like people have this some weird thing to take guys like him and Tom is go yeah well he's only 5' one yeah right yeah well maybe he's got [ __ ] billions and maybe he looks good at 70 but he's only [ __ ] 5 fo three but he does wear heels I'm 5 fo8 and he's bigger than me but he wears heels he's not whatever he's wearing I'm tell you he's a big guy i' met him a few time his physical WID like he's a that's a thick dude man can I tell you what he said to me which is [ __ ] hilarious what he say you well I met him at this thing the name drop was Bruce Willis was the opening in Montreal for Planet Hollywood and very nicely though he comes up to me and I'm with Sophie and he goes uh hey Dom I'm I'm sly I don't know if I met you in the Paul riser's thing and I go yes s i remember you I'm thinking in the back of my head I'm thinking this is [ __ ] Rocky this is R do I remember you are you [ __ ] kidding me I got a chance to interview him for uh one of the UFC's he was uh it was I think it was before The Expendables or one of one of his movies and uh I got a chance to interview him and I was like this is crazy man because when I was a kid I mean every how many people have told him this story uh I saw his movie and then I went out and I ate raw eggs and ran around the block trying to catch a chicken I ate raw eggs I did just like he did it I put on a sweatsuit and I I ran around the block like a [ __ ] idiot I was so inspired I I I I had done any martial arts training at all at this point you know what it was the perfect movie for that kind of inspiration those all you know it was so
interesting how touching that simple movie could be you yeah there was something we love watching someone try to pull something off people love underdogs yeah you know I don't know if you know this but um UFC uh light heavyweight champ Jon Jones just got into a car accident do you know about this he was uh he's okay he was drunk though and uh apparently allegedly the story is that he's at least I don't at least they arrested him for DUI okay I don't know whether or not he was drunk I don't know I don't know the full particulars of the story but so many people are like [ __ ] on this kid you know and and angry with him as they should be for anybody who's driving trunk and anybody who loses control of their car and crashes into a tree but I think there's a little extra Venom about this guy because he's so successful because he he's like it's come so easy to him and it's not easy obviously it's hard work but he's been like dominating all these people and I think we like to shoot people down when they get too big we like to look for the first flaw and this and make no mistake about it there's no like apology for what he's done because what he's done scares the [ __ ] out of me the one thing that I'm terrified of is finding you know myself on the road and seeing someone who's drunk coming towards you who doesn't have control of their car it's a terrible feeling and we've seen drunks on the highway before it's it's a scary scary [ __ ] thing so this guy loses control of his car and slams into a pole whatever the [ __ ] caus him to do that that's bad that's [ __ ] real bad but I think people are also like chipping away at this dude as a human because he's been so successful so quick and because he sort of tries to promote himself as like uh you know a a God-fearing man and you know he tries to promote himself as um as like a a good Christian and because of that you know when he makes a mistake and does something [ __ ] up people like really go after him because you can't it it's very difficult when you set like a a big example you know and you want to you want to uh set an an amazing path for kids and then you do something like you you know you say that's what you're doing and you you say you're going to be a hero for these kids and and then boom
you have this horrible situation happen Well everybody's waiting for Tim TBO to fail yeah they're waiting for him to get pictures of him [ __ ] a goat or something you know what I mean they would love that look I think it's it's the whole thing is a it's a [ __ ] tragedy and on the human the human personality the human the individual that allows themselves to get to a situation where they smash a car into a tree cuz they're [ __ ] up on on a drug yeah it's it's scary cuz you're you're taking all of our lives at risk too with your you know your craziness you know I just um well I I just don't drive since DUI I had a DUI I don't [ __ ] drive the thing the the appeal of Rocky is this same appeal that we we all want to see somebody rise up and stop the Unstoppable beat up a black guy and and when someone's really good we want him to fail we secretly wanted Tyson to fail before he failed and then when he failed people like there was like a weight lifted off the world of like a million men he like to see the bully knocked down yeah they're never the same he was never the same after that he never fought the same he never had the same confidence well I think uh he had I think you could only maintain the sort of pace that he was doing you could only depending upon your personality but it could only go for a few years the the amount of Rage it was menacing wasn't it oh he was the best ever I don't care what you know everybody wants to say but Ali Ali was a great fighter no doubt about it Tyson was better I really think Tyson was better I think Tyson in his prime like the Marvis Frasier Prime I don't think I don't think Ali would have been able to keep him off I was I was ringside on when he fought Leon Michael Spinx Atlantic City it was scary it was like up jump the devil like like smoke was coming out of his nostrils he took [ __ ] to a whole new level it was unbelievable there was a bunch of guys when I this was like you know I was a big boxing fan in high school and this was around that time that Tyson sort of rose to prominence like right when I was getting out of high school it was like the cover Sports Illustrated they called him Wonder kid and he was 19 years old yeah and he was just [ __ ] smashing people you imagine when he was like robbing
purses how scary that would have been God oh my God he was such a an amazing specimen but he's also intelligent and just the but the physical speed that that guy had while maintaining you know 220 200 you know whatever pounds he was was incredible no we we' never had anybody that could punch that fast the Marvis Frasier fight is one of the worst Mings in a professional heavyweight fight ever of all time well I'll tell you what was B Randall Cobb when he got beat by Larry Holmes that wasn't as bad we wanted him to go down we were all friends of him go down Randall go down I know he couldn't but it was horrible that was that was a ferocious beating but you know what he did after that he went to school and got a master's degree you know that guy like he got out of boxing did acting and I I don't know if he suffers anything from his uh his career does he mean his you know you talk to him and he repeats himself and there's no way around that man then you'll talk them and repeat himself there's no way around that that's scary [ __ ] you know uh getting getting struck in the head on a repeated basis and there's a lot of guys that um that that suffer what they call pugilistica dementia a lot of guys suffer it that never even go pro just guys who have good gymm fights well you know mayay Ali you know her don't you and she would tell me she goes she goes my father knows everything that's going on his body's just failing him but his mind is right there he's like trapped in his body could you imagine man well you know that's what cracks you about the football thing with like all the research they're doing on uh concussions of course they're concussions of course of course every 40 seconds they're like in a car accident yeah yeah well I don't know if it's that much but it's it's pretty horrendous if you look at they always that's football theyed still call them dingers what's the biggest linebacker they have now who's the biggest I don't know I don't know who the biggest is give me like a give me a big big [ __ ] scary guy like 65 uh for a linebacker 270 270 that'd be pretty big you know but fast that's the thing you have to remember they're [ __ ] fast and they're hitting you with a lot of they're super athletes yeah yeah there're you know Hershel
Walker's still beating the [ __ ] out of out of people do you know that 48 years old he was a phenomena yeah I mean you you what a a freak combination of like a guy who's completely driven is a a natural super inredible discipline he had multiple personality too you know he he came in with different personalities in therapy you heard about that yeah I did hear about that [ __ ] crazy as that wasn't that um supposedly trauma induced like oh I don't know I I thought that the that was one of the issues that this was something related to uh his football career yeah that I don't know but I just know that imagine him coming in as big Sue oh Jesus Christ hi big Sue how you feeling today I'm going to look this up what multiple person you know what what I think it is all of a sudden I'm a a therapist but it's not it's not a psychosis it's a it's an neuronic disorder personal erotic no neurotic Oh I thought ertic I like hey just listening to this year oh oh multiple personality trauma induced is that what it says uh I no I'm Googling that sorry but but I I believe it did have something to do with that yeah trauma induced yeah no kidding yeah the sort of usually has its root roots in childhood trauma oh so it could be emotional trauma too could be that yeah like cibil had that yeah okay you remember cibil MH yes very dear friend of mine her and Bobby de and I used to get brunch hey Stepford Wives at the Beverly Hills Hotel um yeah okay yeah he's talking also about how he became a completely different guy when he was playing that's wow brought out his rage right yeah he said his exact quote was you don't want the hersel that plays football babysitting your child isn't that crazy I'll punt that baby could you imagine that coming out of herel Walker's mouth how scary that would be no you you do not want the Hershel that plays football babysitting your child he [ __ ] even then he would think of that it's scary yeah well he was he's ruthless I mean I think to get that good at something like as good as Hershel Walker was at football I really do believe that Madness and Excellence are just next door namers I really do I think in order to to hit the the levels
of proficiency that those guys hit like the true greats like a guy like Jordan Jordan is a good example because he's [ __ ] crazy he's one of those guys like when he did his acceptance speech for the Hall of Fame he was he was complaining about people who rejected him like instead of taking it going hey I'm number one he he came came angry at it wow that's so crazy yeah yeah well there's a lot of people that you know they never they never find peace their their life is always chasing something chasing you know a win chasing a victory chasing uh whatever the [ __ ] is don't you love that about standup Joe like we can get better until we get [ __ ] ConEd on the head it's true but no matter what Jordan does no matter what nutrition he can go visit the you know the monks in Nepal nothing's going to make him Michael Jordan again nothing yeah the physical body wains a lot quicker than the mind but we're going to be [ __ ] our pants and dying in fear just like him hey you'll be walking me you'll come and visit me at the home before I'll come and visit you well who knows who knows how we all go but it's not going to be it's not going to be good but Hershel Walker is uh at 4 48 years old he's [ __ ] shredded shredded he I don't know if he's going to fight again but he's had a bunch of MMA fights I think he's had three he's the one that used to do like 2,000 sit-ups and a th still does still does that crazy [ __ ] he's all does all calisthenics he's just [ __ ] just a freak he's so goddamn strong he takes these guys like I mean he's good he's physically talented like U I know he's like a black belt in some martial art karate or Taekwondo or something along those lines so he physically knows how to kick and punch and then you know he's been training at AKA which is a a big gym up in San Jose one of the like big gyms in the country as far as MMA is concerned like Josh kosek came out of there John Fitch um a lot of good guys like real good Gilbert Melendez uh no excuse me Josh Thompson rather uh came out of there Gilbert Melendez and him just fought this uh past weekend [ __ ] incredible fight holy [ __ ] that was amazing when do you announce a fight again uh this weekend this upcoming weekend where is it Vegas [ __ ] I love I think you're so [ __ ] good at that it's fun it's uh it's it's
I don't make I don't want make it the Sammy mland show but you really you really break it down and you make people understand it like I told you that before it's like so much fun cuz your enthusiasm but you know what you're talking about but you're not above like I don't even know what the [ __ ] some guys are talking about he threw a right clanga you know they Mak yeah there's a little of that that goes on where they gets like real sport specific I say like he hit him with the 3-2 and you know dig in with the five like come on man how many [ __ ] out there watching at home know what a five is you know I don't know it's it's but punches are one is the jab two is a straight right hand three is a left hook four is a right Upp depending on who I don't know it's probably a liver hook I don't know I don't even know what it is you can't go that far and not tell me to five Jo well he you know they they'll go as far as uh like trying too hard you get a lot of like sports guys that do that that like try too hard to like use the correct phrases they'll say like exotic shap but they'll get it wrong like this is a Kamura what's no no that's Americana it's you know it's different situation see how the grip is it's totally different but you know they're they're calling it out anyway cuz it sounds like the the Cool Sports guy thing to know the the theop Plata is a good one there's a guy Nam there's a guy named Walt Frasier who's an old guy who's played for the Knicks and he announces Knicks games and he does that he does it was you know ju Theos of the imperialistic get out of here [ __ ] like come on is there anything grosser remember when Dennis Miller used to make references like to the Tigers and Euphrates River these [ __ ] guys in Pittsburgh are watching a game drinking what you talking about the what Dennis Miller had the weirdest act going on for a long time this was when he was on Monday Night Football I'm talking about oh yeah he well he pissed a lot of people off on that didn't he yeah cuz he was trying to like insert jokes into it yeah but I mean also with his reverences and you know there like one time I did I enjoy his first two uh specials he's a good first he before he became all crazy right winger he got a little deep end after 9911 is he went a little Pro
bushes but uh you go back to like his earlier stuff he's [ __ ] is very funny comic you know what amazing I was asking one of the a writer and you know the guy I I won't say him on the air but he wrote for Dennis John Stewart and Bill Mah and he said by far Dennis was the most decent guy to work with he's a great guy to talk to on I've done his radio show a few times he's a great guy to talk to yeah he is you know I I would there's a lot of guys that I I enjoy talking to like there's a guy named Sam Harris that I had on the podcast he's very much like like I I I thought he was uh he's a he's a he's a brilliant dude but um he shares a lot of like uh a lot of the same sort of uh ideas that a lot of right-wing people share like about like the the good ideas about war and the good things that we're doing by going over to these other countries and ignoring and minimalizing all the bad [ __ ] and ignoring and minimalizing all the damage that it does to these societies and and the fact that people are profiting from it see I would just like it explained to me like the way you're saying you explain martial arts or AMA rather uh I would just like somebody explain to me why we're in Afghanistan what what the whole purpose I don't know I still don't [ __ ] know it's it it's a massive mindfuck if you really sit down with someone who uh tells you on one side that uh it's an important thing as far as stabilizing that region and keeping Al-Qaeda from getting a stronghold and blah blah you know you you can listen to and you go wow okay I see the point you know maybe maybe our military is working hard to keep us safe and they know better than us and you know that's why they're there and they know they know there's a threat there but then when you look at it on the other side and you go you know you talk to someone who is uh very educated in the history of the ways of this country and they explain to you what's most likely going on is that there's resources over there that we need to control whatever the [ __ ] it is yeah the Russians couldn't beat them they could walk there yeah you know well we're apparently we're supposed to leave now you know know that's what Obama's saying you know Obama's having these things while he's running for re-election where he's sitting down with
carai who by the way cari's brother uh got he got somehow or another he got busted sell being in cahoots with the the the uh the Opium dealers uhhuh down in Afghanistan and he was getting CIA money so this guy was like working with the opium trade getting CIA money and he's the brother the president of Afghanistan of course it's all I me but it's amazing how it's you don't even have to look for it's not like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon it's like his [ __ ] brother is in the heroin no degrees he's right there you know what man I don't know I don't know I I look at both sides both arguments of of the pro argument is very shaky in my opinion but but I could understand the Saddam Hussein paranoia but the Afghanistan my brother Joe's a colonel in the Marines I think the the thing is the worried about Al-Qaeda taking control of the area the Taliban taking control of the the the resources apparently the idea is that there's a lot of money to be made in that they don't have oil though Afghan they have a lot of minerals okay a lot of Min trillions of dollars in minerals and there's natural gas that's what the Soviets were trying to control and then there's the opium trade that people don't want to believe it but that's that's the reality is the the poppies the production has gone up through the [ __ ] roof since America occupied I mean the all all the statistics are available online you know you can you can look at it people don't want to believe it but there they're not stopping it no one no one in the United States that goes over there none of those army guys are stopping the production of poppies in fact they're guarding poppy fields and that's a fact Americans are guarding guarding poppy fields that's hilarious people don't believe it Brian pull that [ __ ] up because we we've had this on the podcast before unfortunately people have heard about this before it's a a Nutty situation I don't and a lot of that stuff you know I don't know what they use it for if it's for pharmaceutical drugs which there that is a legitimate use for that stuff or if it's getting sold right into the heroin Market I don't [ __ ] know but to pretend that this isn't a factor that these trillions of dollars oh please conspiracy theory blah blah blah you're talking about
something that generates just [ __ ] insane amounts of money insane amounts of money and I wonder how much it had how much pressure something like this like some sort of a a business venture like this has on the introduction and the legalization of other drugs in this country you know the only way they could pull off a heroin deal like this is if heroin's illegal so everything gets moved in under the table everything gets snuck in through you know pre-arranged shipping routes everything's clandestine you know that's really the only way to to do it because otherwise other people are going to do it now are we still getting opium from Afghanistan of course we are we must get through where's it going look they're they're making 90 plus% of the world's opium in Afghanistan 90 plus per. there's that's that's insane I mean just that number alone is almost like a joke it's almost like this is a comic book and we find out that the bad guy lives in a place where all the Opium is and we got to let these people grow the bad guy is the Opium how about that the Opium takes care of the schools just like in batswana the diamonds to help them you want to have find the enemy in Afghanistan it's heroin that's the eneme but if you like it go for it especially if you're a musician CU they make good [ __ ] when they're on heroin a lot of them do yeah Eric Clapton was best when he was on heroin yeah I I mentioned Hendrick before but apparently I've been corrected that uh Hendrick didn't do heroin until after he made his music he put out his Studio albums and then he started [ __ ] around with Heroin is that what he died on overd no um he died on a bunch of [ __ ] man it's there's a lot of people that believe that he was murdered like his his um former manager had as a a a roie and uh the roie just released a book about it the roie I think was also in a band himself when he was younger like the animals or something like that oh yeah and uh this I think that's the story and anyway the Roadie um apparently said that uh Jimmy uh had a like a really [ __ ] dangerous manager and his manager was like mob connected and [ __ ] and he did a lot of [ __ ] up things and one of the things he claims he did was kidnap Jimmy Hendrick his own manager had guys kidnap
Jimmy and leave him in a hotel for three days and then he rescued him in quotes to show him how powerful he is how he can get anything done and they like please we we didn't know he was with you you know and this guy like you stay with me Jimmy I'll protect you from these guys well apparently he also had like you know there was a big life insurance policy that they're saying was on Jimmy Hendrick now that the the the veracity of that you don't know you have to check I'm not really into it enough to I'm on a Wikipedia the latest a guy who died in the 6 who the [ __ ] knows you know but the other thing was that Jimmy Hendrick's uh um girlfriend at the time she was killed somebody thre were off the top of a roof of a building in uh in somewhere in New York but the speculation was that that had to do with Jimmy Hendrick's death you know if you wanted to paint a beautiful uh conspiracy mystery that's how you would go with it whether or not that's true or not my favorite conspiracy was goes back to Michael Jordan they said that cuz he didn't pay a lot of his golf bets oh yeah well that was a big thing that his father was killed over that oh my God yeah his father was killed in North Carolina oh my God they said that was connected to that who you who knows so many conspiracy theories but holy [ __ ] is that scary but he was a big Gambler I know that well I know there was a an article that was written in like Esquire or one of those was Esquire or maybe Vanity Fair I don't remember what magazine it was but uh it was an article that was written by a guy who was a a golf Hustler who uh Michael Jordan owed like a half a million yeah he never paid up I heard he goes to places and buys and has dinner and doesn't pay oh wow just cuz they you know he graced him with his presence wow really doesn't tip they call Scotty pipping no tipping pipping yeah I heard that that's so unfortunate yeah it's it's amazing that a guy can get so successful and still be so selfish you know maybe it's just he works so [ __ ] hard that he just thinks everybody else is [ __ ] he's he's he's such a hardworking bad ass [ __ ] that everybody else like [ __ ] you want money for serving me right the irony of it is he has the
worst team in history of basketball this year oh he owns a team now right he owns Bobcats and they were the worst team ever wow he went from the being the you know arguably the greatest player to the worst general manager ever I wonder if he's do you think he's not a good owner or do you think he just doesn't have good I think he's got that syndrome where you remember the a Capone thing where everybody would laugh when he laughed and stop when he stopped I think he has that a lot of yes people around him so nobody says no so he makes moves that he's he doesn't really know what he's doing but there's nobody to to confront him nobody has the ball in front of him I think that's part of the problem yeah that's the thing that people always look for people always look for sycophants you know when you want to want to see a guy who's falling apart you look towards the Copans and if you want to insult guys you you call them Copans right you know which is uh always hilarious like guys can't be friends no if one guy is more successful than the other well then the rest are just sick ofans you know in the [ __ ] mind that that that's the the conversation that comes up so that you know that's like Dem meting to like all the other guys that hang out with a guy you know yeah you you find people changed towards you in some ways like in what way what do you mean well deferring to you cuz they think they can get something or anything well there's going to always be people that are weird man they just they're they're they're trying to hustle they're trying to you know sell something they want to get close to you because they think it'll be advantageous to them and you know this there's people that they they give it away man they give it away quick I just find that I people kind of hit on me for stuff that I really don't I can't I can't write them a strong act right and Dom you think you can sit down right with me yeah right it's just funny but I mean sometimes I think people want stuff that I I I'm not even powerful enough to give them you know one think would it be cool to do uh and I have thought about doing this before I think it would be really kind of a fun thing um to have guys like you and me and maybe Stan hope or you know some someone someone else weird along those lines have like a
series of guys have Joey Diaz do some and AR shafir do some and um have it so Comics we'll have like a meeting at the like the you know the Improv on like Saturday at like 5: in the afternoon and we'll just answer any questions oh yeah wouldn't that be great can you imagine if you were a guy who been doing comedy a year and uh you could talk to the U of today just ask you what do you do to what do you do how do you how do you get started what do you write about how do you write do you write it down do you write bullet points what do you do you how do you practice it do you practice it in order do you practice alone at home or only on stage you do the same order every time I had a guy asked me and he was so disappointed that I just told him the reality he said how do you get on like the tonight's show and those kind of shows I said well the first the you know the most important thing is very hard to write those sets cuz I'm like you I'm more free form and I don't like to write tight sets right you know I mean but it's hard and he I said you know you really have to write them and you know construct them so that they're only five minutes and he goes you got a right I go well yeah what do you think you do call up the president in a show business and ask him for a favor yeah got a right what the [ __ ] I didn't expect that yeah some people don't like writing I write in my head I uh I I've done that before and I'm not nearly as prolific I got to sit down prolific well because you're working so much too you were so busy with well it's my you know it seems like a lot of work but everything that I do is fun so it doesn't seem like work at all it's still time consuming it's time consuming yeah yeah I mean it's very hard to crack the start and lineup don't you think like you just got to do it like the harder it is for me it's the better you get and the more strong [ __ ] you have the harder it is to break the starting lineup because you're thinking ah [ __ ] I don't want to put that in it's not strong enough well once you get it down like you get like an opening bit or a whole chunk down like [ __ ] hardened Japanese Samurai sword just fold it over and T just polish that [ __ ] down till it's lethal till it's just till it's perfect you know you don't want to let it go go
but unfortunately you have to there's no other way yeah we're doing a show here um at uh the ice house Wednesday night um what do you do you do anything Wednesday um um I have one spot at the store what's up 10 o'clock show we're doing a show here I'll come out will you do a set sure what time is your your spot at the store 10:00 will I make it yeah you could do it just late if you just do your set there and then if this if the store's not too late the store sometimes running late no I can get on I can well sometimes don't even start at 10:00 we'll start like 1010 we're crazy what's going to go to it'll go till at least midnight right yeah well if you come you know and and I'm already already on stage I'll bring you on stage all right and we can [ __ ] around okay or you just do your actro I mean I'll introduce you at any time anytime you get here we we'll throw you up that would be aesome is it a benefit no we're [ __ ] around house we're going to have a podcast at 9: 10 and that's May 23rd if you're listening this we um yeah so if you're listening to this later and you want to come down the ice house and St can I plug a couple dates please do I got Atlanta June 15th and 16th I think it is the punch line oh great club and one of a big gig for me cuz it goes to Philly is June 30th I'm at the uh Tropicana the big room upstairs ah Tropicana Atlantic City yeah which I love do you love Atlantic City well for me it's so you know all the [ __ ] we got we got all the [ __ ] Italians coming from Hamilton the mayor and everybody well you know you uh you're one of those guys that you never stuck with the same same act you know you're not one of those guys where you go see him like 3 years later and you'll see the same [ __ ] verbatim you're always it's always writing you're always I [ __ ] try you love it you love it you're you're a real comic man you're a real Craftsman you know you you you could not have picked a better occupation it's not like D marera should have been a plumber should have been an electrician should have been a doctor whatever the [ __ ] it was like that's the one thing my lack of talent in many things it's easier for me to focus well you you've always loved comedy I mean since the moment I met you like we we've
had like so many conversations about comedy and I've got to see you always working on [ __ ] and tight and [ __ ] like you there's some guys and we all know them they just kind of there comes a point in time they just start phoning it in but you never hit that you know you never hit that you're always even you even say that too you're always saying like I'm trying to get better like that's in your head all the time absolutely if you're not getting better you're getting worse you don't stay at the one spot and what the [ __ ] are you doing if you're not getting better you know what the [ __ ] are you doing why you wasting your time that's why I do so many sets yeah you know that's you know it's fun too it's a fun thing to do and make people laugh as a fun time you know we we're new rules one of my favorite I wish you could reenact that bit I love that bit that was that was a labor of love that bit that was a bit that I that was a bit that I who was it what's her name she anco Smith Nicole Smith yeah yeah that was a bit that I was actually forbidden from saying at The Comedy Store really really yeah mity came up to me once that's weird that's nice funny leave her alone Joe your [ __ ] neck got longer when you went new rules new rules the joke was about you know there everybody was like oh my God Anna Nicole Smith she's marrying this old billionaire that's so horrible like what she's doing is so terrible she's taking advantage of him and my joke was don't you think he [ __ ] knows he's 90 years old he made a billion dollars from scratch chances are the dude's a tad crafty right and it was him getting her to do all this crazy [ __ ] up [ __ ] or he wouldn't give her money and it just kept getting nuttier and nuttier as he was dying he he wanted her to lick his ass while he was dying screaming it's like it was one of my favorite bits to do because it was like it was like it was it felt Justified like you can get away with it you know I didn't know you were told not to do that so then how did new rules come in when he do something perverted oh yeah you can't do this in the hospital yeah she says he goes lick my balls and she said sugar I would love to stay here and be with you but the the visiting hours between 9 and 11: he goes
no I just bought the hospital new rules lick my balls 24 hours a day it was I love that [ __ ] bit he would she he would be in a wheelchair man and she would be standing over him this insanely hot big titted guest model yeah and you just look at him and go oh my God that [ __ ] body she had just this insane [ __ ] body she like a giant Jane Mansfield when those early pictures like when she was in Playboy or whatever the [ __ ] she did you look at her body you go Jesus Christ what a body that woman had just all voluptuous and legs and you know like you and I like them we don't like no skinny broads I like a little meat on the bone you I like a girl that can take a good [ __ ] cuz you know how I deliver oh I know oh I like to bang a head into the wall whole time I like the deliver oh sounds like him that's my best impression he's one of my best Impressions right I went to a uh strip club in Cleveland and it was one of the most like this the name of the club was hold the name of the club was uh uh a or sexy secret or something like that something something Secret Sexy secret it was something secret and uh it so I walk in and and I was the only white person in the whole entire Club so like the secret was I was the only you know that I but it was crazy sexy secret secret we going rob you but I immediately got swarmed like it was like zombie style like you one by one all the strippers like looked over it's like wow white guy and it like came over and it at one point I had like two girls on each like lap one girl giving me a massage and just two minut you can't support two girls on each leg that's ridiculous that's a lot of weight huh two girls on each leg so you got four girls on your lap no no two I'm sorry a girl on each leg oh I'm sorry I meant two girls two girls one on each leg one on each leg that's a lot of weight too that that hurts after a while that's not fun you big they are they weren very big a little honey your ass is bony yeah she you go to step up your [ __ ] left leg's numb fall down and smash your face of the cocktail glass but they just like took turns like putting their butts in my face and like and it was so much butt like I felt butt juice on my arms like like it was moisturizer or something like that after
a while it was so hot in there but anyways yeah check out a black strip club in the ghetto sometime it's pretty weird you okay what no it's really interesting butt juice did you so they you let let them sort of get butt juice on you all over the place the thing is you know how you go to like like a normal strip club like a what you're used to and it's like it's it's all about like big boobs perfect body nice bud or something there it was all about huge [ __ ] bubble asses like just girls normal looking girls but with like I think butt implants or something it was all about butts can I ask you something yeah have you ever been officially [Music] [Laughter] diagnosed I went to a strip club in Philly and this black chick asked me for a lap dance and I said No thanks she said you're a racist and and and the the bouncer was black big guy and he knew me and I go what she go what' you say I said she said I'm a racist about the fact that I don't think you're hot how rude yeah how does that make me eras it I have a new thing to say meanwhile there you are hold on a second cuz meanwhile there you are arguing with a stripper can never win I have a new thing to say when a stripper like dance you go I'm I would love to but actually you look so much like my sister and that will freak me out that's good so I said 14 time this wow that's good oh my God that guy I think he's really cute and he totally wanted to dance but I look like his sister and that is kind of creepy yeah that [ __ ] he said I look like his sister and they start a fight in the dressing room and they all come out and [ __ ] shank you maybe you were like that close to death and you don't even know no I think I was fine it it was it was pretty amazing though how they just swarmed to me like all these other guys are like kind of getting pissed because I was so getting pissed yeah in Cleveland was it by the plats where was it uh I forget the name of it cuz I know a strip club there a friend of mine he gave like this girl like $1,000 cuz she said she was studying classical music some [ __ ] she believed him or he believed her really can you imagine she was studying like the the OBO or
something you know um some High flutin musical school I can't even remember the name it juliard or something you know it's like give me a [ __ ] break you know how many girls do like are strippers and have like high functioning jobs on top of that not many do you know there was like there's like a um a chick who got fired from somewhere I forget where she got fired from but she writes for like a local paper that she I think it was like the Houston Chronicle or something like that and she was she was writing a column but she was also like on the side she was a stripper and they found out so they fired her somebody like turned her in so they fired her I I you know what I think I would be if I was a woman and one some extra cash well first of all anybody that would turn her in like that like I guess it's a if it's a moral thing you're silly and if it's not a moral thing you're a [ __ ] why why you turning her in like yeah there's no upside yeah why you why you getting her fired a bad person you know she's just out there hustling nobody give a [ __ ] just keep it yourself and now you can go see her naked what's wrong with you right if you got a weird thing with somebody the best thing to do is go visit them while they're naked right right yeah you can resolve that [ __ ] I got ster bit you know you know my stripper bit y like I'm serious Brian's like really yeah man just I'm trying to break down like the whole stripper and boyfriend relationship I'm trying to break it down Brian I'm trying to like uh you know you have to have a certain mentality if you're going to date a girl as an active stripper I can end you really got to be able to let things go you got to let things go well how about those dudes that date porn stars only allow they only allowed to [ __ ] while you're at work you can't [ __ ] on line yeah I'm the boss around here they have rules like that you're allowed to [ __ ] people but only while you're working so these dudes just working all day imag imagine she's a mother too like the mother of your children and then of them are a lot of them are you know there's there's girls that they have babies and then look what are they going to do they can make a lot of money doing porn or they can make no money not doing porn so they either do porn or they go and do feature dancing
it's a [ __ ] grind out there man for everybody you know and if you're a chick that's banked on your looks you know there there's guys that uh they they think they're going to be professional pitchers and their [ __ ] elbow blows out everybody everybody makes a risky risky gamble in this life we're all one we're all one pitch away yeah yeah we are yeah if you look at it that way down where Joe Rogan I try to be as Fair as possible don't you yeah absolutely that's what my life is about fairness the balance of Justice yeah a balance of Justice that's a good way of putting it you know I got offered to go uh in a coal mine uh it was a mile and a half deep and I declined it but he was telling me how travel on this thing I forget where you lay back and you have your your you're laying on your back and you just go down this hole slowly you know you know a mile down or something and uh he's like dude if you want to go we can totally do this whenever you want to you know whoa and I was like [ __ ] no I would I would rather not do I'd rather try to commit suicide than do that that sounds scary as [ __ ] yeah yeah why are people into doing things that are really terrifying I don't know I don't think they have a choice yeah coal miners are can you imagine being a coal miner no way that's a it was a show that they had on Spike that I only could watch one episode cuz it freaked me out so bad it was I think it was called coal it was a reality show about coal mining it's [ __ ] terrifying they're deep deep deep inside this [ __ ] Mountain hoping it doesn't do this boom they're pulling out giant chunks of it so they're going to make it brittle I mean and you know how brittle coal is anyway man when you feel coal you know how brittle coal is coal breaks it's not like it's it's it's not steel you know when you you feel it like you can you can chew into it with those machines and they pull it out of there like it can crack and move and [ __ ] and how about the guys that were down there in in Chile they were beaten off was that like a month or something didn't they send them flashlights they're flashlight it really no what the [ __ ] you imagine here's some water and here [ __ ] this a flashlight here's a candle so you can look each other in the eye while you're doing it there some butter for the
canary you got to you got to kind of clean it off though so save the water remember the one guy had a wife and a girlfriend they found out when he was in the hole he's the guy's balling what are you going to do you imagine being in a situation where that's the only way you could feed your family is to be you have to go to work in a mine I that's it's really scary [ __ ] to be like one of the people that's responsible for like pulling chunks out of the earth so that we can use it when you look at like humans and the relationship that we have to the Earth it's so parasitic and strange and we never consider it that way we look at it as natural resources but if you look at the Earth as like a living organism we got to go inside of it and pull [ __ ] out of it that we used to light things on fire on the surface we we literally have our whole society run on the blood of the Earth the whole thing run on oil everything is run on some black liquid that is [ __ ] trillions of gallons of it inside the earth and we're sucking it out and we're pretty sure it's finite oh it has to be finite we don't even know what's going to happen if it is finite what what what happens the Earth the Earth's going to implode what's is it going to light on fire what the [ __ ] going to happen is it going to is it going to spin faster and days will go shorter will die instantly who the [ __ ] knows that's bad science ladies and gentlemen I don't believe in any of that I don't want to get any angry Twitter messages The Twilight Zone remember the the morning sun the one in the episode where they thought it was getting hotter every day and because the Earth had fallen out of its elliptical orbit and was coming closer and closer to the sun and it was everything was then finally the painting started melting and they knew it was over and she wakes up and she finds out it's just the opposite the Earth is going farther away from the Sun it's getting colder so it just shows the Rel The Fragile existence which we have anyway I've been D you guys have been great I like the bummer crowd out a lot of guys they go for the left not me it is uh it is true though that we live in a delicate balance I mean think about we don't experience it here in California but when I lived in Boston or anybody on the East Coast knows there's a vast
difference between what it's like to go outside in January and what it's like to go outside in August there a [ __ ] world of difference I'd rather have January would you really well then I'd rather be in 10° than 110 for sure really oh yeah that's interesting is that because of just you've spent too much time out here cuz I'm a fat pig and I hate myself did I remind you no I just I never I never liked heat really yeah hot tubs saunas I like it I like it hot like you like Vegas in the summer no that's too hot that's crazy that's silly Planet hot I like 90° I like going outside when it's 90° especially East Coast 90° cuz it's funky and sweat I think it's healthy good for you 50° with a with a thong on couple boiled potatoes down clogs and a guinea tea and dirty toenails got dirty toenails big big afro wig toilet paper all over my chest that's an image you'll never forget sorry I started the show with that it's not just not that I never forget it it's just we could all relate everyone everyone could have seen themselves in that situation especially if you didn't get expected get you know woken up oh jeez where we doing where we going that's a good album cover every ever have cd it would be hilarious if it was the actual photo if you realized it and you said oh my God here hold my camera take a picture of this I just remember him pointing at it what's that [ __ ] paper roll over up to my neck that is hilarious loads how much of our time on this Earth is spent devising new ways to get rid of loads I would say 3 plus 35 to 40% I mean think about some of the relationships that you had were really just exchanges from a load extracting contractor yep you know it's like there's there's relationships that guys have especially like young men early on in life when you're essentially you know you you're like a vampire that must feed and you only have so long where you can go before you start going crazy start you start dating somebody like a pretty close to feeding here we go and then once you get close enough so you can actually have sex by the time you do that most of us have already compromised our position considerably and the relationship that
we've agreed to and relented to is completely not what we're looking for you know we just we just had to get some sex in you know it's it's impossible to avoid so we tried to pretend to be the guy that you wanted us to be because that's the way you get late you know it's becomes a junky situation you know it becomes a situation where you're making irrational decisions you're hoping that it works out and the person you wind up [ __ ] is someone you actually like and you just compatible personalities get together and you raise a family or whatever you're hoping that you get to that situation but most of the time you don't most of the time you completely incompatible you're telling me date someone and they're [ __ ] they're all sorts of problems and complaining and whining and [ __ ] and oh the funniest one you know dub David all yeah very much funny guy very his you know you got to talk to him sometime about this because he did it I thought he took the ring off the girl while she was asleep but he just stole it from the the dresser but in the middle of the night he unengaged himself by taking the ring back oh my God imagine her waking up the next day and he but he got engaged in like two weeks what is this [ __ ] movies that's not real some people they they want that you know it's a fun thing to think of man a love junkie it's like loving that feeling that Instant Magic well everybody wants that everybody wants to to knock one out of the park they want you meet someone and you know she's she's nice and she's friendly and she's interesting and oh my God I just know it's the one Dom I only know it for 4 hours but I'm telling you I'm marrying this girl tomorrow morning I already asked her to married we [ __ ] five times already we've known each other for four hours like what there's people that throw themselves with abandon it's because they want someone to believe in them they want someone to love them the same way they want to love someone they have this massive need to both love and be loved they are they're in a love deficit so When Love Comes Along they they [ __ ] throw a [ __ ] fit they go crazy they abandon their friends they stop answering their cell phone they'll throw their phone in the toilet I don't care I'm just by your side as long as I'm with you I don't want
anything else we are complete you make me complete you make me complete Toma they just ready you know Sophie and I only dated once before she moved in Shazam son that's what I'm talking that's how do no but I mean the thing is it lasted nine years but that was a a very rare situation she moved to China and the only way I was going to get her to come back was for her to move in how many Comics do you know that have uh healthy relationships uh that's a good question I seven I'd have done seven seven seven it's uh it's I think it's uh it's especially hard I do yeah um I think it's especially hard in uh any sort of a uh creative sort of a a job you have to have a cool chick yeah that understands that you to have someone who lets you think you have to have someone who gives you space You know it's not all up in your grill constantly but you also have someone when you talk to they're like they're they're fun to be around their brain works yeah their brain works and they they they have a positive spin on things like there's certain people we all know this like when you meet them and then you you see them you smile and then you become enhanced you know what I mean like Joey Diaz perfect example what's up baby what we doing here and you see him and we would all start smiling and we feel enhanced and then there's other people that come around and they drag on you you know there's other people that come around and they just start complaining and whining and bitching and I've had both man I've had both and it's there the life of you if you're with someone that complains all the time that someone that takes that negative point of view all the time your life will be hell it's gut-wrenching a friend of mine said there's two people in life there's fountains and drains oh that's beautiful yeah and it's true but like when those drains they just you know yeah it's like how you doing H I'm hanging in there it's never brutal brutal There's a comic that I know I love him to death and I won't say his name but I I I I spoke to him once and I said I'm never talking to this [ __ ] again I go impression of him I can't it's too he's too obvious oh really no making that up too just throwing people off the track now he was
part cat grew up in Afghanistan um but you know I would I would say hey what's going on well I'm not so good I I'll tell you the whole situation the wife she walked out okay you know yeah we together she walked out on you Mr years I thought I thought this was uh this was something that we had both agreed to and uh apparently she hadn't agreed to that and like oh jeez you [ __ ] listen to yourself I haven't seen you in years and you just hit me with a a just a bucket of diarrhea you know what kind of a you know just that's there's people that don't even think at all about the person they're talking to all they think about is like the [ __ ] that they want to they want to they want to burden you because their life has taken some terrible turn for the worst mostly a lot with a lot of people because they [ __ ] personality you know that people just go [ __ ] get away from me ah they just run and then that same shitty personality is what you makes you get trapped by this guy at a [ __ ] party do you know Jeremy Huts uh the comedian from Canada I do not know him okay he's [ __ ] hilarious very good comedian I've only seen him um in uh video though he serious we were doing Russell Peters special in Montreal last summer and he was my roommate and he'd come in and hi hi hey Jeremy how you doing oh D you don't have any Tums do you I got like a bad stomach I said no I don't carry Tums he goes you got any beer I go who the [ __ ] goes from Tums to beer you know what I mean but I mean he was always like a and he's so [ __ ] good on stage but he was such a I mean I I I still enjoy him but he is such a bummer you know well in this in that sense you know like he's talking about his sinuses one night at the lab Factory there's a bunch of I said J let me tell you something no group of comedians is going to be concerned about your sinuses no matter what un you have your sinuses removed it's not an interesting story we don't want to hear about your [ __ ] post-nasal drip yeah I'm not into being around people that complain about stupid [ __ ] that you just man up and deal with it so so your nose bugs you just deal with it right [ __ ] right God damn it I went through most of my life with a broken nose I broke my nose when I was five fell down a flight of stairs and for most of my
life I had like shitty breathing out of my nose it was all [ __ ] up sto up yeah it was a mess was all and then from getting punched in the face from wrestling and and and kickboxing and tawo just always getting hit in the [ __ ] face I don't know how many times I got hit in the face so the inside of the nose was just a mess I had like one little baby channel they opened it up they they cleaned it all out it was one of the best things I ever did it's amazing that you didn't even know what you were oh my God I was mouth breathing I was mouth breathing for a giant chunk of my life and I was trying to do like hardcore Athletics I was trying to do martial arts and with a broken nose a useless nose like that was my nose like literally but now it's like now I can breathe when did you have the operation a couple years ago a few years ago I made a it it was so important to me that I made a little video I knew you when you were yeah Al it probably got worse it got worse as time went on and I broke it again in um in like 2007 I bro I broke it pretty bad it was it was pretty bloody and I got black eyes and [ __ ] from from a head we I headbutt we collided in in Jiu-Jitsu class Jiu-Jitsu is you know there two things that happened to her yeah one accidental collisions like sometimes you'll be throwing up a knee for a triangle and you hit someone in the eye and it [ __ ] their eye up it's happened to me I've done it accidentally it's just it's just one of the things that happens and another thing that happens is sometimes people that are rolling right next to you Collide in you and you bonk heads and [ __ ] that's [ __ ] up I've had that happen where you get hit pretty [ __ ] hard I got suckered in a bar I was I was a doorman at a bar uh me and Rand cab were the doorman right really and Joe I don't [ __ ] know anything year was this I don't know 78 77 where in Philly a place called doc wats but it was and Randall Tex do you have a picture of you two together no but [ __ ] he you know he was he was the North American heavyweight karate champion at the time yeah that's what a lot of people don't know he was a a kickboxer oh he could kick over your head man yeah he was he had and the first thing he showed me was his nose he
had no cartilage in his nose he could smash anyway I got suckered by this guy and broke my nose and the worst thing was it wasn't the pain it was the sound of them putting it back in placez you hear you know like with the like pliers they take well when when I got my um my nose fixed the boogers that came out were so horrendous that I saved them and I took pictures of them you want to look at it would you look at it I want you to see I want you to see asteroids I'm just going to show it to you because you're not even going to believe it what is this this is when he had to this is uh right after this is uh I would have to blow snot out and I would use a a water pick and throw it through my nose to clean my nose out it's pretty deep it's pretty intense oh jeez weeks after my operation I have to uh do this twice a day where I take a water pick a special nostril attachment oh jeez is that like a saling solution wait you ain't seen [ __ ] son wait till you see these boogers I'm going to pull out solution if you email me them I can show the audience okay let me find really good ones cuz they're so ridiculous but you know my what was happening was that my body was um you know making these plots oh jeez you're throwing up from your nose yeah I got to find them I don't know where they are though unfortunately they're probably deep on this eye photo well it'll give us a good excuse to get together again I need to oh here's a here's a picture of it here's a Ste from you got a one of my boogers yeah hold on let me uh they was so ridiculous I think I put them on Twitter uh did I put them on twwiter put her I don't but it's at the beginning of this video uh here I definitely put him um see there it is that thing in the middle uh oh yeah that's the clot that's actually the clot the doctor pulled out of my nose some [ __ ] I showed I showed Tommy sagur um at the uh airport and he almost threw up I got him real close to throwing up he had to turn away he had to hold his mouth it was pretty bad ass I think I'm closing in on it here D I think that was the first time I met Tom siguro was that weekend that right after you that operation there certain [ __ ] that you know if you can get it fixed man if you have a deviated septum and you get it
fixed your life will change you you will have a a a an easier life like it's hard when you only can breathe out of your [ __ ] mouth that sucks you could get sleep apnea oh beautiful I just found it is it 100% though I mean could you go back right now and have SI look at the size of that goddamn look like a date looks like a jewel gu email to right now that's disturbing that is so do you think you could go back and they could actually fix it up even more I mean no no it's clean now yeah it's awesome now yeah now it's 100% but it's looks but it has different colors in it yeah it's crazy shouldn't even be real Something Beautiful about it yeah it's disgusting and yet hot you can reduce the message I don't want to reduce it actual size [ __ ] actual size why you trying why you trying to save gigabytes why you trying to be like that mother I sent sent the photo of the booger not even the best photo of it it's just so it's so ridiculous it doesn't even look real it doesn't look like it come out of your nose and it came out in one giant really super satisfying hunk we go look at that there's another photo of it that's a closeup oh Jesus oh [ __ ] yeah looks like Crystal or something that came out of my nose one gross but I'll tell you what man for me that [ __ ] was sweet relief for me I know you're looking in and go Joe don't want to see your snot then why you looking [ __ ] we told you what we're going to do listen I'm feeling bad that I'm showing these people this and that they're going to get sick Brian let's kill it kill it I think we made our point I um it was but for me man that that represents freedom that's the my shackles you're quite the host I feel fantastic I breathe out of my nose look thank you you look good as well thanks Joe I feel good doing a lot of stretching now are you uh updating your Twitter you've been getting on Twitter let me see when was the last time you got on the Twitter how do you what's my Twitter it's D rera you fella d That's it yeah it's not D it says D yeah oh everything's at something okay we were just saying the other day about how remember when people used to like use the at as if it's like the them and the third person like is going to the movies right now right people tried that for a while right remember it got too pretentious though do you tweet a
lot yeah tweet all the time you know what's the best thing I got to get into a habit of it it's some it's fun really it's really fun uh if you if you're interested D marera the two RS are in the first position it's d o m i r r e r a i even myself have [ __ ] up upon occasion yeah and made it i r e r r a like Carrera right I have a friend I I work at club and they they misspelled spelled I don't even know that's how carer spell they misspelled it at the club you worked at yeah it's [ __ ] Captain Bryan's off the hook Jus Christ where's that place hook Marco Island it's dead to me it's a great place actually wow is it Marco Island oh [ __ ] beautiful fla is [ __ ] crazy isn't it yeah Florida's crazy on a totally different level that's not the the rest of the country Florida is I love it and I love that improv in Hollywood Hollywood Florida Florida that's a great place the Indian casino Hard Rock you know what they told me Joe what make sure you don't say anything about the seals anything bad I go like I got 15 minutes on a seminal Indians they actually said that to you wow so of course I went up and said nothing but good things about them you know just cuz I somebody's going to tell me what to say I go I got to say something of all the tribes the seminol are my favorite I'm not I'm not a big fan of the Apache or aapo and go [ __ ] them I love the SEMO people so what could they say the seol uh sponsor a bunch of uh professional pool matches oh do they yeah they used to have a whole tour the seminal um Indians uh used to uh seminal tribe brother used to be I don't know if you're allowed to call are you supposed to call them Indians why would you call them Indians Native Americans yeah it's natives you know because like or cols the idea that we called them Indians like deep into the 20th century is really pretty [ __ ] crazy where did Indian come from Columbus OH he thought he was going India right these [ __ ] [ __ ] they just would get in the ocean oh we're in India that's funny they saw these little brown people these are Indians like they had no idea they were in the Bahamas like the whole thing is preposterous it's really funny when you stop and think about that they still celebrate Columbus Day first of all Columbus never
even came here watch it you know have you ever read some of the [ __ ] that Columbus did Le right was Leaf ericon was no he was the Viking no but he was the first one here wasn't he here well no not even the red no they've actually found the really crazy thing is the oldest body that they found in North America was Chinese son of a [ __ ] the Chinese were everywhere well they're they don't know like they're trying they're still trying to figure out like when people got in ships and traveled all over the world by the way uh we are going to do a podcast with John Anthony speaking of this because this is a [ __ ] fascinating topic I'm I've been exchanging email I owe him an email but he wants to do it we're probably going to have to do it on Skype it may be the first time we ever do one on Skype but it's worth doing it for this guy John Anthony West if you don't know is uh the guy who's like the main egyptologist who's out there trying to predate the Egyptian Empire and he says that it's like there's many empires it's not just like one and it goes back thousands and thousands of years earlier and he has geologists on his side it's really interesting because these uh all these different academics are fighting at tooth and nail because it makes everything they've been teaching everybody in school [ __ ] cuz it's all by thousands of years they they've dated the enclosure of the Spinx there's these huge like fissure marks that are in the walls with this of this this uh this these stones and what they come from every geologist agrees on this is thousands of years of rainfall these are clearly like the way water erodes things you think the AL aliens built the pyramids No no I think I think the Egyptian civilization was most likely as advanced if not more advanced than we are today but in a different direction they became Advanced with a language like hieroglyphics with Incredible mathematics that were allowing them to make these geometric structures I mean however the [ __ ] they figured out how to do it there's a lot of speculation but to pretend that the great pyan of Giza is not an astronomically incredibly amazing [ __ ] accomplishment is CRA it's ridiculous it's one of the greatest accomplishments of human engineering of
all time and no one even knows when it was made the guess is 2500 BC and it's based on like carbon samples and [ __ ] they found at the area but it's still they they're not completely sure about that there's a lot of weird speculation and the Sphinx the Sphinx with all the the the deep water erosion around the enclosure what they're saying is that that was that if that was thousands of years of rainfall then the last time there was heavy rainfall in the Nile Valley was something crazy like 9,000 BC so instead of being 2,500 BC like they thought it was it was like thousands of older still than we are to them it's raining again crazy they well they used to be a jungle it used to be a rainforest the Nile Valley used to be like a rainforest it was raining constantly and then slowly it became a desert and the last time there was like heavy rainfall was like 9,000 BC it's [ __ ] nuts and this area this cutout area shows thousands of years of rainfall and the egyptologists don't want to address it they look at it and it's freaking them out because it's pretty obvious and there's no getting around it if it is rainfall the whole thing's got to be thrown out and that's the only physical thing they have to show that there was something that existed that long ago and that's why they resist it like the the scholars are like you know where's the evidence of this civilization that it would have existed 10,000 plus years ago there is no evidence and you know that what they're saying is or this guys like this John Anthony West is saying is there wouldn't really be much there's like this stuff there's like I mean 10,000 years is an insane amount of time 10 000 BC how think about how long ago 12,000 [ __ ] years is think how crazy that is well Chris was only 2000 something yeah yeah well we well supposedly do you think price was real think price was a real guy yeah you think so for sure well I don't I mean I don't know why they would make it up I'm not saying he's got or anything what about Santa Claus Santa Claus for sure 100% 100% um and you know what's amazing about him no matter how many people there already takes care of everybody if you're good if you're good you leave a cookie out you know you know what's funny about that we're talking about you these these
phrases come down in history I I was staying at a hotel in Rochester and they for some reason they didn't register my name and uh so they this friend of mine finally gets through and she goes what are you [ __ ] King Tut and I'm thinking isn't that interesting that King Tut came down you're talking about Egypt like this kid who was who died all thousands of years ago he's still a reference for like a wise ass remark you know what I mean yeah yeah it is pretty ridiculous you King [ __ ] Tut and common you know he had a lopsided head think so yeah had a crazy [ __ ] up elongated head who knows that but you well you ever seen images of him what the put what a f of knowledge his family there were some weird uh physical characteristics to his family that a lot of the crazy conspiracy theorists guys really latch on to because it's like look at his head he's clearly an alien you know cuz he had like kind of a a weird shaped head you know normal person has a head like that what a bad [ __ ] he is though that we're talking about him still 2012 yeah he how old was he when he died he was a kid right a kid yeah and I think he was murdered wasn't he wasn't he murdered I don't know he went into a bad neighborhood in Cairo they probably killed people all day back then oh yeah you know the idea that John Anthony West is uh promoting is that the idea of um a lot of these uh there's a lot of uh guys that are getting on this uh notion this possibility of ancient civilizations that were wiped out by disasters once we see [ __ ] like the tsunami and you know we we see things like what hurricane Katrina can do and we go well these these aren't even like the biggest storms or the biggest events in history what the [ __ ] must have been like with something like this times 10 hit 10,000 years ago might wipe out most of us you know and they think that that has probably happened several times to people and that Civilization would reach a great height and then something would happen and by the way this coincides with two things one the of the Ice Age um which happened fairly abruptly which might have been caused by some sort of an event like an asteroid like an asteroid and evidence of asteroidal impact somewhere around that long ago I think 10,500 plus years ago is the uh
the estimation of when this asteroid hit then you know they're they're not completely exact on the date I think but they're all similar and so there's there's there's evidence also that we've been pelted numerous times with asteroids like once they started taking satellite photos would they would hit us all the time all the randomness of space well they get chewed up by our atmosphere for the most part but some of them don't man the really big ones don't and there's been several uh Extinction events in in the lifetime of the earth more than three and at least two of them that involve giant impacts two of them are just big [ __ ] volcano sized explosion asteroids of five miles wide slamming into the Earth and lava shoots up into the [ __ ] sky and blankets half the a nice AG oh Jesus I was reading a fredstone book about a lot of that stuff FR [ __ ] imagine Fred Flintstone wrote books okay can you imagine what it must have been like living back you know in the Bedrock years in the in the in the caveman years when there was like just Grunt and [ __ ] yeah no TV just trying to follow around the herd of buffalo that know you're trying to kill them so they always want to move by night so you got to get up in the middle the night the muffalo are moving we got to follow him follow after him your baby gets killed by tigers Jaguars Jack your whole [ __ ] family pulling women by the hair sounds Co you think they did that they clubbed him over the head dragged him isn't it funny that that image of the cavemen is like the predominant image caveman clubbing the chick over the head dragging her by her hair yeah that's the predominant image of what is a caveman doing first of all he's always got a club right C men's always had clubs yeah and they always had a bear skin some sort of a Saturday night she was waiting for him where the [ __ ] is Harry why is it but who invented the club her over the head and drag her by her hair you know I don't know maybe it was King Tut but it's it's an amazing I mean is I mean isn't it like that that's the uh that's the symbol we all see yeah yeah how the [ __ ] did that happen Club her over the head and drag her by the hair that how many times have you heard that Expressions that expression when it comes to cavemen it's like super common
like what is he C is going to thinks every girl you meet going to clo her over their head and drag her by her hair so did like Looney Tune invent that maybe I wonder I wonder who who came up with it but it's stuck culturally like all throughout my life I remember that images of clubbing a girl over their head dragging her by her hair I never knew that there weren't caveman and dinosaurs together cuz we always put them together well if you hung out with Sarah Palin you would know that that's not factually correct as a matter of fact there was a school teacher from Alaska that says that Sarah Palin uh said that the Earth is less than 10,000 years old and that dinosaurs and Men did live together but mainstream science trying to keep that from you and that there's uh images there's images on the internet of dinosaurs with a human footprint inside of it dinosaur footprint oh I wonder if it's true it could be just some hater [ __ ] from Alaska you know who's the the local librarian maybe she's a [ __ ] you know and she and maybe Sarah Palin blew her husband or something you know not that she would do that would you do Sarah Palin [ __ ] yeah it depends on where I was where I was in my life the butt where I was you see he lays back maybe it takes him 2 hours but gets warmed up he gets crazy he lets lose Shenanigans and Sue I'm doing um Adam corolla's podcast later if you can't get enough of me did you tune in on that did you get that email that said who's coming here uh next Wednesday yeah Bob Kat gold [ __ ] yeah that's going to be amazing well don't do that in front of him you [ __ ] and he he wants to forget those days and apparently he has an awesome movie do you know about his movie uh Anthony uh has was talking all about it on opan Anthony the name is called God Bless America you want to see a trailer I got a trailer of this you love to see trailer yes I do want to see it pull that [ __ ] up Bobcat's one of those guys that's so mild mannered before he goes on stage Go on stage and goes crazy yeah I never knew him as a comic the first time I ever met him he was uh directing the Chappelle show and uh I was uh with Dave we were in New York City and Dave was just walking on the street with a a fake mustache on and
uh he was giving out awards for the best New York Boobs oh really yeah it was ridiculous and that's was in the show yeah that was the first time I ever met Bobcat I I ran into him on the street I'm like what are you doing Dave he goes Hey Joe Rogan you want to help me out I go I only got like a half an hour oh that's cool so for a half an hour I I carried his box of New York boob ribbons and he would go and you at some great New York Boobs we give people like uh ribbons [ __ ] that's and Bobcat was like directing the whole thing so that's first time I met him very nice guy though but I always liked him as a comic here's the trailer which is a redband trailer b n d the most hilarious ringtone ever just text big God hat bad God hat bad we have a press that just gives him a free pass the boys were caught after setting the Homeless Man on Fire did you mother poop in my food what [Applause] [Music] you a tumor this size is it's very dangerous do you have any family oh got to take this my name is Chloe I live in Virginia Beach and everyone loves me because I'm so pretty I wanted an Escalade this is the biggest day of my life and you're up Dad hey creepy isn't the school girl thing a little played out don't move and don't make a sound if you want the car just take it my parents got me the wrong one anyways yeah that's a [ __ ] tragedy did you just kill Chloe awesome that was a fantastic start but you know who else really rips my [ __ ] off the Kardashians people who use Rockstar as an adjective who call their tits anyone who wears crystals you're aiming at the Bear right this is the best day [Music] ever Frank don't let me I'm recording thanks for turning off your cell phone you're welcome why have a civilization if we no longer interested in being civilized that's awesome hey buddy what's wrong a lot lot of crazy people out there I only want to kill people who deserve to die we going to do this or
what I know it's not normal to want to kill but I am no longer normal who really got to take both those spots yeah [ __ ] you [ __ ] you sounds like an amazing movie W that's awesome scary wow that's a scary movie that's really cool looks very pop fictiony kind of again like you know just badass you know kill kill kill kind of movie looks pretty sweet yeah it's it's obviously got an anti- douchebag slant yeah yeah which is always nice that's really cool because he he's a he's a great director he did uh didn't he do Wy City Heat or uh well I don't know if he did that but he did that clown movie what the [ __ ] clown is great I saw that in the movie theater yeah that was was that the one where they faked the guy uh don marera or Don Baris isn't it it's Don Baris and Jimmy Kimmel something Jimmy Kimmel was one of the producers you know there's tons of people in that movie I can't watch that movie I I've met that dude it's too tragic you meet someone who's Crazy who thinks they're actually famous yeah we're actually having and he got an attitude that's what cracked me up about it that's hilarious he got an attitude once he made it yeah on he fake made if people who don't know what we're talking about Dom explain the whole situation CU it's really pretty fascinating for people who don't know the story the best I remember is uh they fabricated this guy becoming a celebrity gradually becoming a a star and he had a movie and it was just the whole thing was a mock on him and how else would I explain it Jo he thinks it's real like this guy named Perry thinks kind of crazy and he thinks uh that he gets a star attit toe well it's a weird thing because people are paying attention to him and he isn't a movie right it's like what is that yeah so that's yeah so he's so crazy and and so not he's tuned into a dimension that's like right next door to ours you ever met people that are like that they're not quite seeing things the way everybody else around us is seeing right you know you got to wonder what does the world look like to them you know how many times have you met a comic okay perfect example Open Mic guys they come off stage and they [ __ ] ate dick and they hear Phantom laughs they'll come off and go I think that went pretty good
yeah pretty good set I killed yeah oh I've asked people you know I've asked them while watching them just do silence having silent performances MH actually uh Bobcat gold weight definitely uh directed Wendy City he here's on the Amon oh he directed that as well yeah oh he's we're having this Friday because we're not having a Ice House show Friday we're having it Wednesday this week we're having the whole dingdong show having a special podcast here so you can meet them and then they're going to talk about their podcast which uh is the the big three uh podcast Network so we're going to have Don in the studio The Big Three podcast Network what is that big three is uh don baris's podcast with with all all the characters from this movie per Ste scary Perry and you going to bring that guy here huh yeah when is here Friday at uh 10:00 wow you're going to deal with that guy hang I hang out with all those people all the time do you want that Perry guy like here hanging out he's a normal he's fine he's just crazy but he's he's not he's not going to do anything bad or anything like that plus I just up the insurance and so it' be fine he's not going to no he's not going to be that but it's going to be a descent to Madness oh that's what the if you if you haven't listened to a podcast it's it's the the most amazing soap opera of a podcast it's great it's very addicting if you're looking when did this podcast get started it's been it was for a while that used to be on Adam corolla's network uh and stuff like that and then now uh Don has a whole studio in my his house pretty much has like a studio like this inside his house and uh it's great Neil Leeds uh you can't be be that the The Mattress guy that's right owns that mattress store right here a couple mattresses stores big uh celebrity in La he's now one of the new sponsors and he's now every dingdong show he comes to the ding-dong show and he's just crazy really it is insane that dude's nuts but it's hilarious man it's if you get to know those get uncomfortable talking to crazy people you you don't well you can have that guy in the studio I would be freaking out I'd be like I can't this is not I can't have a conversation while there's someone here that's not having the same conversation someone here is in another room looking at the whole thing
through plexiglass right I I can deal with those people in spurts like I'm not going to have the person over to my house or I'm not going to like [ __ ] start but you know those people they almost have like a like a Consciousness condom on right like they're not feeling everything that's happening it's not they're in a different reality yeah remember that guy Joe late at night on the The Comedy St Robert Adu I talked to him the other day he ran away he always liked me me and him always used to get along he was a nice guy cuz those like Don Baris would always be mean to that dude and I'm like he's not a bad guy man he's just kind of crazy but he's he's a pleasant to be around you know yeah he's a nice guy he not being mean to anybody he would walk from downtown to do his SP as a kite is he High yeah no not high but I don't know I smoked weed with that dude have you ever seen his uh have you ever seen his like his web show that he did with Mary like Mary Jane and Don produced it uh like it's a a show for him it's kind of like this but a podcast I'll show you a clip of it it will blow your mind how long ago did they start doing uh like two years ago they did like Don bars Don bars help helped film it and but I thought him and Don Bears hated each other oh you know they all love each other Don Lov Don takes care of so many people there and he takes care of Robert William aov he well you know Mary Jane uh wow that's great because for the longest time remember he was calling him Hitler and he would always see them and put his finger over his nose and say that they're Hitler well you got to remember Don Baris has been there so [ __ ] long Don bar been there for long how long would you say 20 years maybe at least always got along with Don bars he's a [ __ ] sweetheart of a guy I I don't think in the 20 years that I've known that guy or however long it's been not quite 20 years but however many years it's been in La never ever had a even an unpleasant word with Don Baris a sweetheart of a guy our relationship is very funny cuz he Eddie hasal me good evening Mr how are you doing you look great tonight that's a beautiful color for you it's always like some sort of a uh an act you know who always like put on a certain Voice or [ __ ] around with
you him and Brian Callen have some elaborate rape theme they do every time they see each other where where Don bars winds up raping Brian Callen just it starts out like it always starts out the same way it always ends the same way there's something about the store where people do stupid [ __ ] like that and like keep it going forever remember the thing they used to with Elanor we us to ask her about you got change for a dollar and she would go dig in her apron and start masturbating and we we would do this this is stupid [ __ ] thing we would do literally once a week for years you and her used to get rough together though she's crazy that girl's strong too remember when she was a pro wrestler yeah we used to go see her Easy Rider Easy Rider right we we went to see her she was one of the waitresses and now she's a very funny comic um elanar carrian is her name she's hilarious and and we're so happy she's finally doing standup cuz she was always like one of the funniest people that would hang around at the store and she wasn't even a comic she was a waitress we had a thing called the punch to the [ __ ] where I would go to her oh I think you need it she goes I think so too and I go and I would hit her and I I would hit her and she would act like it hurt and she stagger around remember then she acted like she came she be like oh yeah that's right oh what a relief nothing like a good punch to the she would she's really committed to it she would start off in like deep deep pain and then she would start coming yeah and then she would start coming like after the the initial impact of the punch in a way that like only someone who really probably enjoys a good [ __ ] punch could deliver it she I mean she embodied that she did the idea of it but she was uh we would have a long I mean we have this this thing that was running at The Comedy Store for [ __ ] years where I'd go do you have any um do you have any change um hold on a second she would just start my she like reach into her apron she like and she would like completely commit eyes closed legs pinched together toes pigeon feet and You' be like I mean I only need like a quarter if you just have one quarter I'll give you a dollar no no no hold on hold on hold on I'm going to get it I'm going to get
it and it was so over the top and every time she would do it she would try to top it because you know we could we're doing the same goddamn gag over and over for years you know so she would try to try to double it over but I remember the [ __ ] Punch I Remember When you would [ __ ] punch her and you I think you stomped on the ground too pro wrestling style to make it see like it was real right check this out Joe the Robert Albert show Robert William show starring Robert William abraa this is Robert William abraa inviting you to join me for stand up comy by the official comedian for the 1996 elections and a speech on the following subject the United States of America should Rel legalize him and Now ladies and gentlemen here Robert that was Robert by the way yeah that's him and there he goes GL here he wears that same shirt everywhere he goes that same outfit it's green yeah and he keeps a what is it paper plate that he carries around with that's covered up with aluminum foil and stuff like that and a paper plate covered up with aluminum yeah and he keeps it like like he protects his head from lasers remember he used to always uh take like like like this you know block his head so cuz he thinks people are shooting lasers at him when he walks into The Comedy Store yeah whoa yeah Jesus Christ lasers yeah what is it you know I I wonder if it's if he was crazy always or if one day just reality just became too difficult well I've never seen him not crazy so I wouldn't I mean but isn't it weird that there's like there shades of crazy he's functioning yeah he's functioning how does he make a living I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know um but he does get on stage of the store still goes up here's Don Baris is like out of store and Robert walking star he's funny here there's just a bunch bar is so crazy he's so awesome he's one of those guys that just like I said about guys you're around you automatically have a smile you know guys that ad there robber over here robber Willi up and wasn't he one of the original guys that was supposed to take over for Letterman and that's what he used to
always talk about what like he was there's that thing there's the the aluminum [Music] store and I think yeah he was one of the guys is he cool with them doing this and putting this [ __ ] online everything I have no idea oh they're following him around just filming him dude this is this is probably not the best thing I wonder if they got his permission for this is that Charles Fleer yeah there's a guy I haven't seen in Forever this is for the folks watching at home they're just following around a guy who has a slippery grip on reality yeah but a nice enough guy yeah he's really I always try to talk to him but it's it's impossible now to talk to him like I even tried to give him a joint the other day and he just ran away isn't it interesting how the store just sort of like attracts those types of so many I mean we've talked about it so many times with that Vortex of Hollywood that whole area between like the rainbow room and the Roxy and you know where the Viper Room is and all the way down to where the store is and even the Laugh Factory like that area is it's so strange it's such a Vortex of bizarre people The Viper Room especially is one of you ever done stand up there no I've seen a lot of music there and also the rainbow is like that 80s yeah tight pants ER looked they won't let it go they they found a spot they found a spot and they they agreed to all go there yeah they they they found a spot where you know you're going to be able to see someone from that era is going to come by it reminds me of the kenneson days that that place yeah right he used to talk about it and his he was his HBO special he talks about the Rainbow Bar and Grill about meeting crazy girls over there that you uh that can't wait to meet you and blame their whole miserable [ __ ] up life on you he had some great tortured relationship [ __ ] oh he was funny one of the best right when it comes to tortured relationship [ __ ] I was married for two [ __ ] years talking about going meeting the devil hell would be like Club men hell would be like Club Med he was a real game changer that dude it's hard to change the game today everybody's seen everything with the
internet the way it is now it's amazing how much more educated people are today and how much more weird [ __ ] exposed to yeah you got to keep changing stuff I did a bit about how there's no place to go in comedy I don't know if you ever saw me do this place do like there's that we've been as sacrilegious as you can be as vulgar as you can be the only thing left to do is actually come on the crowd but the guy at the end of his act his pants open up and he just started like a [ __ ] machine gun people people are running out you but you can't help but turn and look back and you get it right in the eye I could imagine easily a culture where it would be okay if the performer came on the audience there's way worse [ __ ] out there yeah there's way crazier [ __ ] out there that people are doing I mean even just even circumcision is pretty [ __ ] nuts cutting baby dicks you've been cutting baby dicks for thousands of years hey it's it's a it's a living right a living it's a living remember that show no some sitcom with uh some chick that was on I think she was on Celebrity Rehab one of the first ones I remember here's George Jetson his dog El yeah what year was the Jetson supposed to be in future like 1980 isn't it funny that like when you go and look at [ __ ] like that they thought was going to be like like Blade Runner disint do you know when Blade Runner was supposed to be taking place in no 2019 oh really yeah what is this it's a living I don't remember this at all wow look at all these fake acting women a song suan oh she's SMY wow where are all these women now oh don't don't even bring it up oh I bet she's hot I bet she's still hot yeah she's got a lot of mey [ __ ] going on that's mey mhm I hope she works out cuz she's pretty somebody put a Photoshop together with what all these girls look like now and Jillian I know her do you I did I did a roast with Mike did she was on is that guy a comic I don't know SD sitcoms from the70s the wacky Chef he's dead oh my god I've never seen the show before wow no me neither isn't it crazy just going back time what what year was that that's Danny Thomas's son yeah what year was that that it's a living was on the air
Joe I never saw that show I don't know why I remembered it not only that you remember theme it's like 19 1980s is all I see 1980s wow I remember that show I was I think I was in high school it was on the air weird it's amazing how much culture has evolved from that to uh what's Larry David's show Kirby enus Kirby enthusiasm think of that think of the difference between that show how complex and hilarious and how how how like brilliant and multi-layered and faceted is where it just gets twisted up into things you know I mean he remember when they had the water bottle in his pants and the girl came in the bathroom I mean he's just oh he's unbelievable unbelievable they used to say this like a friend of mine worked for both the Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld and he said to me Raymond was so simple because it was an a plot the whole show is an a plot sometimes a b Seinfeld was ABCD yeah and they throw everything the guy would hit the golf ball goes in the whales blo hole and Jason Alexander lies about being a marine biologist marine biologist everything for the way everything fit together in 22 minutes clean and they had to work clean yeah it was a brilliant brilliant show and you know if you look at like those old father knows bests and it's almost like a different species of thing yeah like people were so stupid like how could you have this show on the air like who the you realize how naive culture was just just in the 1950s the only one that hold up holds up to me and makes me laugh still is Andy of Maybury well just listen to what you said about the Twilight Zone that holds up that story holds up they w up and they realized they were actually getting further away from the Sun Jesus that's a creepy creepy [ __ ] show Twilight Zone was amazing remember to serve man yes the aliens came it was a cookbook a cookbook it's a [Laughter] cookbook well if you think about the way we treat Dolphins and the way we treat killer whales I would think that if aliens came here they might either [ __ ] us or eat us yeah it's very possible right if they were way smarter than us if we if they look at us we're so stupid we're still using nuclear power any [ __ ] or and everything you know give a [ __ ] and they eat us that's why I have
a poor di diet I don't want to be delicious to those well you really think about it your diet probably makes you delicious because it's all fat yeah like a w go steak like when they get that Kobe beef yeah I mean they feed it liquor and they massage it it's perfect it's just like me that's a d the life on the road get a nice deep tissue before the show loosen up you mind if I drink while you're rub my back yeah do you ever get um uh deep tissue massage no I don't I don't I'm not a big massage guy really not even at the rubb and tug kind of massages I used to but you have any fetishes those are hard to find right um fetishes yeah like do you dress up in diapers or do anything weird like that no done diapers Brian I think the funniest fetish I ever heard I don't know if it's true was Elton John he liked to run across the room naked and people and guys would throw orangs at him at his ass that was his thing W supposedly supposedly but that's like Rod Stewart supposedly had to get his stomach pump cuz there was like a qut and a half of yeah he blew his soccer team hey guys in in in L in L of pay I'd like to to blow all of you the best rumor of all time though the king of the rumors is the rid gear Geral up the ass rumor that rumor is that's the Mike Tyson of 1985 how do you deny rumors I never had a jble up my ass I think Scientology might have done it to him I think he had uh been involved you think they really put a jerb on his ass no they probably spread the rumor how the [ __ ] did that rumor get you know Eddie Bravo grew up here in La I grew up in Boston and we both heard that rumor who made the whole Country Joe who's the first guy that thought I'm going to put an animal in my ass I think people are nuts they put all kinds of things in their ass what I mean an animal a live animal how [ __ ] terrifying there's always someone looking to take it to the next level they found a guy he who was drunk driving he had a zebra in his car a zebra and a giraffe or some [ __ ] like that I just tweeted it yeah yeah you think you've seen everything you think well I've pretty much you know figured out like what people are capable of or what they're not capable of no no no no
no no let me let me read this to you because it is the most ridiculous [ __ ] we had on Sam triple's naughty show last night a woman that was a bondage mistress and uh she had her own personal slave and it was so weird it was like pul fix and would like bring out the [ __ ] and this girl just at like a month at a time would just live with this woman and her boyfriend who was the guy from No FX people are so crazy man I me then they just were like all right you want to see us beat her and so she like like here they're just she's like wailing on this girl with these whips and stuff by the way the guy had a zebra and a parrot in the front seat of his truck sounds like a joke and he got arrested in debuk Iowa driving drunk with a zebra and a parrot I don't I don't know how the fu how can he zebra I don't understand it I'm looking at it here it's a little zebra obviously it's not a big zebra but it's a [ __ ] zebra this [ __ ] is driving around with a zebra like it's his Jack Russell derrier hey you guys want to go for a ride he's going to train a zebra isn't it amazing that you could just there's semi animals like zebras you could just buy you could just figure out a way to buy it how the [ __ ] can you just buy a zebra man Craigslist you can buy you can buy a [ __ ] tank in this country if you money used to wow they have a little zebra man I'm looking at this man arrested for OWI with zebra parrot in front seat of truck just Google that zebra bro and then there's a video and he's got a Parrot or the lady has a parrot sitting on her shoulder and there's a guy's he's just a [ __ ] crazy old cracker and he has a a pet zebra oh God look at this look what I just found while looking at this uh breeder of miniature donkeys giant Grant zebras what and you can bu buy zebras let's see what's for sale right now oh my God you buy zebra a zebra what the [ __ ] [ __ ] buy a zebra dude dude look at it how about a z donkey it's only 3,000 Z donkey look at that look at that thing scroll up that's half zebra half donkey son zon it is oh my God I was joking around that's what it's called a Zonk a Jasmine a Zonk I when I said zonkey I was I was joking dude that's you need to get a zonkey there's a half donkey half zebra that's insane giant zebra $5,000 you have your own zebra for
$5,000 the [ __ ] would I do with a zebra man get dude look look at the Ze I want to watch the videos ofra [ __ ] that donkey I wonder if the zebra [ __ ] the donkey or the donkey [ __ ] the zebra oh imagine the zebra did the [ __ ] look at this little Apple Jack think are wild think you're being presumptuous what the [ __ ] is thatle Jack we're looking at something it says a spotted miniature donkey Jack oh my God I got to get out of here I got to go do I got to be at um Adam's cor's Place in half an hour okay uh the end D you're the [ __ ] King as always those is always fun man thank you it couldn't have been more fun it's impossible anytime you want to do it again we we keep doing it we do it constant will never stopa I'll be backel you are officially in the death squad now are you comfortable with that very comfortable death squad doara right can we agree we'll have a meeting we we'll we'll cut thumbs Jun 30th drop a can if I can boom please June 30th go see the great damaa one of the funniest comics of all time and that is not that's even in Comedy Central Comedy Central even says that number 79 you [ __ ] Savage better than slate new 78 oh slate and suck it suck it Bobby uh thank you to the Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast um go to Jo rogan.net click on the link for the flashlight enter in the code name Rogan save yourself some money son 15% off how about that thanks also to on it.com o nni t makers of alphab brain shroom Tech sport which I take before I work out which keeps me so yolked shroom Tech immune pumps up your immune system and new mood which is a 5htp so it's all explained on on it.com it's fabulous it's wonderful and we got kettle bells coming out very soon o nnit t.com talk to you for soon oh next uh what do we got tomorrow uh we have Joey Coco Diaz Joey Diaz is tomorrow at 1:00 and then we got ber crer what time is ber crer ber crer is on Thursday oh cool than sweet is that what I said I I didn't know about ber crer I got I'm I shouldn't be taking care of this I'm too [ __ ] scatterbrained to be uh I I made a um a tweet about it let me read my Tweet my own tweet so I'll know who's on the podcast this week I want to get one of these little zebra Cherry D you don't want to have a [ __ ] zebra wander around your
household dude what about this little horse thing what was it called again a cherry Dart or apple bird Crushers on Thursday yes I just wanted to confirm cuz I wasn't cuz I know there was we tried to do another day but he couldn't make it and then uh next week we got Shane Smith coming up Bas nectar we got uh a lot of [ __ ] coming up bobat Bobcat golf weight next Wednesday so next Wednesday we got that's a hot three right there ladies and gentlemen bass neor Come On Son sweet we're GNA have a good time and Shane Smith will return and uh tell us some more [ __ ] crazy stories about wherever that guy's been all over the world sweet got to get Anthony bdan on the show and talk about Olive Garden bro Olive G sucks you got to shut it up he's going to stab you Anthony Bourdain's going to stab you I'll see you guys uh tomorrow uh early it'll be 1:00 for Joey D later bye later [Music]