Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ7Xdyl5mAo
gets destroyed gets [ __ ] jacked The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast this is a special Sunday edition of The Joe Rogan Experience podcast we wouldn't even be doing this [ __ ] if it wasn't for Jim gaffan Jim gaffan is hilarious and awesome and uh and we we'll talk about him later but right now let's talk about Robert vaginas because we're sponsored by the Fleshlight oh shalam alaikum is it good yes it is is it embarrassing [ __ ] yeah it is you got to make your choices in this life you got to pick your pick your ground you got to Stand Down sometimes you got to stand up for what you believe in and if you masturbate this is better than that this is on the Christian Broadcasting Network right yes yes yes well the internet side of it it's really different it's diametrically opposed it's like the EV you come on before Pat Robertson or after during the background subliminal he's under my desk right now kissing we do it like hungry eat popcorn Pat Robertson just came out and said that marijuana should be legal isn't that amazing that's amazing makes you want to stop smoking pot that's what or it just shows you how how abs like he's got I mean we knew he was we knew he was crazy before he even ran for president and now he's like uh pcha be legal it's like you know the Christians are sitting there going you know I can deal with rush calling that Georgetown law student a SL but pot legal you know or he's just gone so crazy that he's sayane he completely went around like that dude in that was that movie The mathematician the guy brilliant Madness is that what it was brilliant mind brilliant mind oh brilliant mind remember that yeah where he learned turned around turned around became sane but so crazy he became sayane anyway go to j.net click on the link for the flashlight enter in the code name Rogan save 15% off the number one sex toy for men you know if you're buying a a sex toy for yourself what you're looking for is to save 15% and to get the number one you want to know that everybody else is [ __ ] it as well you don't want to be a Trailblazer in the sex toy world you want to know this is the one that's people bought it again yeah they they get you get like a six-pack of them the Bakers Dozen Bakers Dozen we're
also sponsored by on it.com o nni t makers Al that is oh it's a it's a cognitive enhancing sub uh supplements I got a new catchphrase for on it by the way go for it get up on it you remember like that old get up on it grab it like you want it I do remember that but I don't remember liking it that's not from the same people that did the the back off or head off headache off no I mean no what is what was that was that something to cure hang the do you guys know what I'm talking about Herbal Remedies yeah it was an herbal but it was it was it was uh that sounds like it's uh real well what what alphab brain is is a it's a neut Tropic what a neut Tropics are is there's certain vitamins and nutrients that have been proven to have a benefit on thinking on on on the the way yeah and your brain's production of neurotransmitters it's a very controversial science and uh we're actually running I'm a part of the company we're running double blind Placebo test I always thought you were a biologist a scientist I've known nothing I can't even can't even repeat what they say correctly I [ __ ] that up but but the guy who uh I'm working with is uh organizing this whole thing what what it is is there's there's a bunch of different vitamins not just our company and I always tell people if you're interested in in this stuff at all just please Google the neut Tropic and read all the pros and cons and it's it's fascinating stuff but essentially it's not going to kill you and it's vitamins for your brain and you know like a lot of things some people uh have weird uh allergies and some people have weird reactions to certain things some people die if they eat peanuts you know the human body is not they're called weak people right is that what it is is that how you feel about it you are blonde they wouldn't have made it through they wouldn't have made it through Little House on the Prairie I mean you know a lot of people weren't making it through there but like if you're allergic to peanuts it is a sad one I don't want to alienate the peanut allergic people I like the people that are allergic to wheat that's that's really common apparently yeah it's uh you know it's yeah weed hour I mean it's like weat what's next I'm allergic to air there was a movie about that Bo the plastic
bubble yeah and was he allergic to everything or something yeah you had that little hamster ball he listen I'm just trying to get through these commercials ladies and gentlemen on it.com is the website go there all the answers to all your questions about all this [ __ ] is there there's a bunch of different supplements that they sell there is uh not just alpab brain but shroom Tech sport which is the uh the endurance supplement uh shroom Tech immune all the stuff it will be answered at on it.com and if you enter in the code name Rogan you save yourself 10% all right [ __ ] we have a special Sunday Sunday you remember those when Sunday Sunday Sunday suay monster truck guy not to be confused with strip club DJ guy yeah they're they cousins right I think they there's they're related a little bit right is that the music were you playing it sort of didn't commit barely commit we have music that we sign muring in the backgound I don't know what the hell that was experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day oh you did it again with the Reverb you [ __ ] freak strange man this Brian Red Band very odd character unlike Jim Gaff he looks like a a serial killer sitting behind well we just got back from wearing a tie we just got back from a music video he never dresses like this never we both a music video yeah we both usually dress like children yeah oh but you're in yeah we were in the background it was a bar scene Brian and I were holding hands and dancing slow dancing right not really no okay we were thinking about doing that but then we're like no maybe you should just practice it just for you you know just in case it comes up ran come on come on come on come on let's lie down and cuddle in case there's like a scene where we're supposed to cuddle how many guys do you want to be an actor or not listen to want to be an actor you got to be ready 24/7 to act you do I want you to act like you want to suck my dick you know I mean not in a gay way you know I have to look at pictures of myself yeah well it's it's confusing right yeah it's constantly doing that that's what the American public sees right now Jim GFF is it also International uh yeah the world gets it
the world we're we're not douchy we don't keep our friends overseas from getting the feed no Communists are watching this though well we would hope that they they would learn something from this Jim gaffan maybe they'll come out of their shell you remember you ever watch that uh was it um was it the Robert dairo stared that movie about communism and the in Hollywood in the 1950s and how crazy it was did you ever see that movie I think I I think I know what you're talking about it during the McCarthy era where they were just accusing everybody being yeah yeah yes and that was kind of like that's what prompted the play The Crucible which was The Witch Hunt yeah and amazing right yeah it's kind of hard to believe that that existed you know just I mean 1950s that's really not that long ago they were like going after Communists I mean we're that's I don't think that I think that's happening all the time there's just larger examples of it you think like blackballing is happening all the time is that what you mean well I think that we have a tendency to a a paranoia I think sure you know what I mean oh yeah yeah definitely like you know the you know the Arabs in this country or Muslims had to go through some [ __ ] because I think right after 9/11 people were like huh you know what I mean I'm not talking about just the idiots yeah well a lot of like siks had go through a lot of [ __ ] guys who are Indian they had a real problem with I mean it's so ignorant it's like you're not even talking about the same continent you silly people I know I know it's I don't know it's I I I didn't deal with any any of that right through I didn't deal with any of not even a little nothing the people didn't they didn't think I was Muslim at all yeah do you think that there's a backlash to be Muslim well I I don't think there is if you're like I I think if you were like a Muslim actor like wasn't there like a Muslim actor on lost and it was kind of a cool part of his personality remember that was like kind of a cool part of his personality like I think there's been representations I think for sure the majority opinion is people are scared jihadist suicide bombers all that stuff but I think more now than ever you get a little bit of a
positive perspective on on uh on being Muslim and Arabs no we're not they're not you can't call them the same thing like the guy from Lost like he was like he was a positive character he was a badass remember well he played a guy who tortured people in Iraq badass though still liked him him like it was a really interesting story but he did like torture and kill people it was fascinating how that was like a part of his life and that he was you know shamed by it you know later and it really [ __ ] with him that was that was a great character yeah that was amazing yeah that was a great character that that Mo that show was for the longest time one of the greatest shows of all time the end I didn't really get at the end of it I seemed like everybody was just walking through the motions the last few episodes I quit I miss that watch it's on it's on uh yeah Oh I thought you said you missed it I missed I watched it on Netflix and uh paid for it on iTunes yeah I did as well I even have the DVDs which I never buy I got the Blu-rays it's it's the greatest one of the greatest shows of all time but and no matter who you are I don't care how creative you are when you're doing a crazy [ __ ] show where people allowed to travel back in time and do all kinds of nutty [ __ ] from this magical Island that doesn't even exist when you're doing something like that me after a while man you got to run dry it must be exhausting trying to think of nutty [ __ ] that you're going to do on this [ __ ] Island yeah I mean it's it's it's got to be amazing to also kind of tie it together with some sublines of logic you're like all right so we're going to go back in time what would happen if we went back in time but we still want that one character in there you know so they had to they had weird [ __ ] too like remember they had polar bears in the beginning yeah and then they stopped having polar bears yeah they just they things disappeared right there was that that foot that had like four yeah the statue oh yeah that was never exp and then they started going forward in time remember when Jack like had a beard and they were sitting on that bridge and they were like oh what's happened great goddamn show especially considering it had to operate within the parameters of an ABC Prime Time show it's insane yeah
it's amazing I don't know how um I I guess I don't think that's the hardest job in the world I don't think shows like that not really would have a shot yeah you know homeland's a good show have you watched that well no I haven't I gave up after lost you did yeah on TV so you just don't watch television I don't watch anything that's the show ended you threw your flat screen out the window Elvis the TV I uh I only watched uh that's it I'm done throwing it I watch it's not a good thing it's not by virtue like I watched Bigfoot hunter I watched [ __ ] two episodes I had DVR there's a called Bigfoot hunter Finding Bigfoot or something and it's like a series where they have like more than one episode you think after the first episode that'd be like yeah we're not going to find them well it's awesome no the best part about it is the beginning the guy say I've been hunting Sasquatches for 25 years like quit now quit quit now you haven't even got a video of One Crazy [ __ ] that was like you know it's like hey you know those ghost shows are really not realistic like they never really find a ghost um what if we did it with SAS what's next like chupacabra sure if they can sell it they would they would have it it's a it's a fun show to watch though because it's so stupid I mean first of all everyone has a video that they want you to analyze that may have been a Sasquatch so they have to recreate the scene in the video it looks sweet it looks so silly cuz the people knew exactly where the car was and this is the tree and so they line it up on the camera and then they have this big guy named Bobo who kind of looks like a Bigfoot and he goes out there and he does exactly with and he's always way bigger than the Bigfoot in the video so it always proves that it wasn't really big that's resum right now oh I see here you were Bigfoot yep I was Bigfoot uh season one season two they replaced me there was like contract negotiation do you remember when I Bigfoot more empathetic and uh Harry and the Henderson like a whole family lived with Bigfoot you know why not not there's iMagic are my kids I'm pretty sure I don't even trust dogs that I don't know this guy's got a [ __ ] Bigfoot hanging out with kid you know he
probably told these stupid humans a thing or two about love oh yep Harry and the Henderson there's never been a real good Bigfoot movie how about that nobody's ever stepped up and it's not like uh the bar's been set that high no the bar is incredibly low the bar is all fraudulent videos yeah that's the closest thing to a Bigfoot movie and I would think after like season 1 there's a lot of people that watch the show and they're like why not like I think you should submit how come there's never been a there's I mean there was like some really bad ones in the 70s or some Swamp Thing monster guy but there's never been a a movie a good movie about a bunch of people that en counter Bigfoot why how is that possible that you have such a folklore that is completely permeated Society no one's ever made a not sexy Bigfoot made a movie about finding Bigfoot that's amazing that's true that's incredible really when you think about how popular it is is a you think that movie would be huge some of the movie ideas they're doing they're just like it's like based on a matchbook like so you'd think they'd have big F especially in romantic comedies when you you know hear some romantic comedy premise and you're like what understand and they finally meet again at 60 you know I sometimes feel like I just established Consciousness when I was like 30 because like romantic comedies like I you know I was so dumb I think in my 20s that like when you know it would be like uh uh you know Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal you know like like to me that was just a movie I didn't consider that a romantic comedy which it was but now it's like this genre that is always existed but they just kind of like just churn out these just like those didn't exist existed movies where when a woman got mouthy the man gave her the back of her hand yep back of his hand right that's what they used to do to the Moon Alice yeah yeah all that stuff those were the good old days Billy Crystal [ __ ] us Billy Crystal [ __ ] us he [ __ ] us and Harry he tried to be he tried to be manly he tried to like be the best oh example of and then he caved that orle doesn't because he so you see what Harry me Sally Harry Met Sally Is
like it's like a sad ending to you you're like you know what everyone else is you're like yep there you go the relationship seems like so much work I'm never happy when a relationship that seems like so much work works out cuz I don't buy it I'm not buying it they it a last you guys fight wait a minute there's a lot of people in relationships you just think that they're all acting you're like well you know I don't want to think that I'm I can't do this listen everyone has been in good and bad relationships that's not what I'm saying I'm saying when you when one is a battle one is a crazy battle carry mental oh yeah no where they have nothing in common it's like we hate each other we don't get along but we got drunk one night and made out so maybe we should get married is it getting to the point uh you know I'm 44 how old are you 21 you look great yep is it getting to the point where you look at like older married folks and you know like that that are just barely into each other barely can communicate with each other and you look at it and you go I could see how that can happen I don't know not I I don't yeah definitely see how it happen but there's nothing normal about what uh we do you know what I mean like I think in some of those married couples it's like I do everything with my wife so it's not as if you know the the the conversation with like the sent silent man like don't talk to me Virginia you know like where they don't talk you let your wife talk is that what you're trying to say um you know yes on Tuesdays she's allowed to talk no but there's the that complete communication back breakdown I don't know that's the only reason to be married in my opinion the only way you should ever I mean other than children and that of course kind of goes with the whole package of that sort of a relationship they're like really intense relationship that's homophobic of you thank you but the only reason why you should is be you know is because you feel like that that's it and if you don't if you anything L but it's not easy I mean there's definitely moment where you're like this is uh this is too hard but that's what whes are for that's what [ __ ] no that's what that's what
you know you got to you suck it up you got to go long term you know it's like stand up comedy when you know I don't know maybe you probably uh did all right but you know there's a lot of nights where you just eat [ __ ] I ate dick but you're committed you've made the commitment remember when you had friends that quit quit comedy they'd be like I'm quitting and you look at them and you go I I don't think I could ever quit I mean I really feel that way it's like this is not something like you know I'll try this and then maybe I'll try archery it's like it's not like I had a choice in this it's like I I was resigned to be like the weird Old Uncle I didn't think that i' when you're constantly making people laugh like you are like even just we're having this conversation all the three of us there's that feeling that you get when you're laughing really hard at something where you all of our brains are like we're it's it's like a real energy that goes off when you're really laughing hard at something people [ __ ] love that you love it they love it you love to do it it's one of the most fun things to be able to do to do that to a whole room full of people people to go out and see it it's one of the most fun things for them to see why would you how'd you quit why would you quit what are you doing I mean it's it's it's it's an absolute heroin right going on stage and being able to you know make uh a crowd laugh or just coming up with a new joke and by the way I feel like it's also a responsibility because there's Jim gaff fans out there and you got them addicted to Jim Gaffigan humor and you got to keep coming you got to keep showing up you got to keep touring you got to keep coming to them they want to come see you again well you know I think it's also you know even though I think fan is I mean I that's a different type weird word I think it's a weird work particularly for me but I think it's also really important to like do well you know what I mean like not not not suck well you know with you know if if people are paying 30 bucks it's like better leave like if they don't leave going that was great you [ __ ] up some of my um most inspirational moments in comedy have been from reading a review of someone who said that like Oh I thought it was boring or I didn't like it you know like and I've I've read
those before and even if you know it's just one douchebag like sometimes it just makes you like just that anybody can think like that I have to stop that you you might you might not like the subject matter you mind but if if anybody thinks that it wasn't a good show and any I need to fix whatever the [ __ ] that right it's interesting cuz there's also there's the um new material police yeah which is which is hard the which is kind of it's it's painful but it's also good it's kind of like you know people like well you know like 75 79% of the show was new you know it's like and then there's some people like you could do like uh you know 45 minutes new and do like 15 minutes old and they're like it was all old material you're like what about the first 45 minutes yeah people will definitely do that and I like hearing like Joey Diaz has some jokes I could hear over and over and over I want I want to hear some like when I go to see a guy and you know he's a guy that I've been seeing over the last year or two I don't mind seeing those jokes over and over again I certainly don't expect in a year that he's going to have a whole new act yeah unless he just put something out and that's the the crazy and you're about to do that right now right do you do the same thing you toss everything out and then you start pretty much fresh I'm I you know yeah I mean when I'm in New York but you know if I'm doing a theater I think the most important thing is to try and make it half new at least but also make sure that it's a really good show so there is something about like I don't want to I don't want people cuz that like you said some people want to hear the old stuff there is that weird thing though yeah I mean like a week ago it was all new it was like 75 minutes new but uh and I you I have stuff that I didn't put in this you know like maybe 20 minutes so I'll start over with that 20 minutes and kind of throw stuff out but like when I'm doing a a show it's like it's got to be boom it's got to be boom yeah you know what I mean you got a lot of people coming to see you even though mine might be like [Laughter] boom yeah but I love I I think I'm sorry I'm not going to let you talk but I think that that's what's so amazing about you know like we're making each
other laugh here but like that's some of why um podcasts are so fun it's like comedians want to talk to other comedians we just don't have the opportunity yeah and so you know getting the opportunity to do something like this you're like well yeah no I'd love to talk to Joe you know what I mean or and you were so nice cuz I asked to do it that that you well I'm really excited that you're doing your special the same way Louis CK did it you're going to release it completely uh on the internet the same price I think Louis kind of established it right five bucks I'm going to do the same thing yeah well I think it's it's uh you know Louis is not the first person to sell something on the internet but I think he he figured it out a real simple thing it's like you keep it as cheap you keep it cheap $5 is not going to kill anyone yeah and then you keep make it really easy to buy and then you're just honest and uh and good you know people were looking forward to seeing Lou stuff cuz and you know Lou is the guy that in my opinion is the the most prolific I think I I don't think there's anybody as prolific as him every year a whole new hour and a half or whatever the hell it is this whole new show I did a show with him in uh Boston like two weeks ago and he uh this is going to freak you out I'm I'm not sure about this but I I'm pretty positive he goes yeah I was writing material and I I need 45 minutes for my show for those the comedy section of his show and I'm sitting there going wait a minute so he that 45 minutes that he's written for his show for his eight or 10 episodes or whatever of that show that 45 minutes isn't even going to be part of his next hour which he'll do probably in two months really you know what I mean I mean I'm not in two months but I think he does an hour a year that's crazy so that's I heard that and I was like wow yeah he must just put himself in weird situations to make things happen that are funny to talk about at a certain point in time you just start driving a bad neighborhoods and going to massage poers you don't even want to be reading every book on premises yeah anything cuz I talk a lot about food and I feel as though there's no more food I I've talked about all that it's like yeah I have a a theme of animals that can kill you I'm always
fascinated terrified by animals that can kill you how many tiger jokes can I do it's so funny I could listen to you talk about Lean Pockets all day though cuz I am a huge like I eat more Lean Pockets Pockets well I do lean because I'm diet he's a lady but but I I seriously eat but I I eat like four a week like I it's way it's simple it's so easy that's really not good for you that's the blessing and the curse of Hot Pockets right is it it changed my life that that joke hopefully you know the whole Beyond The Pale was good but it's like that hot pocket it's a blessing right it's it's opened up so many opportunities yet you know me walking through the airport people yelling Hot Pocket is not my favorite thing right I mean I don't even know how to respond to it do you get discounts for the coupons do they send you anything no but when I I used to have theater shows and they used to have a guy dress as a Hot Pocket standing outside passing out coupons wow or coupons and for Hot Pockets for Hot Pockets that's awesome and then did you like make a deal with hot pocket no people thought that I was in cahoots with them and I was like I had to like send a letter like you guys can't do that yeah you got to pay me yeah right they have to pay be you want to be Associated I don't want to further feed the Hot Pocket thing you know yeah you don't want people actually buying Hot Pockets and having [ __ ] heart attacks on your behalf right one thing crack jokes about it so so are you're doing the special when you get done with it I'm release it on the internet same way and are you going to start from all all new yeah yeah stage they're just going to get well the ice house here in Pasadena has an Annex room it's an 85 seat room and we we've been doing a lot of shows there and it's like the best place ever for [ __ ] around and coming up with new [ __ ] cuz it's really small it's super intimate it's like real relaxed and you know and they kind of know that that's what we're doing you know so we have these podcast shows where we do all the comics will come and sit around and do a podcast and each one will go on stage and then come back and oh wow yeah but it's a real green room I mean it really is us right before we go on stage and there's like you know you
see like how much time do I have left he's he's on now oh [ __ ] I got to go ladies and gentlemen thank you very much boom and guys will leave and then they'll come back in you know hey Joey Diaz just returned how are they oh they're [ __ ] fantastic and then he'll start talking about the show and yeah you got to do one oh that's fun to really cuz then you can have a different interp you might have different interpretation of the audience Yeah well yeah there's definitely that and there's also when you come back here there's like this party going on you know there's all these people and like Russell Peters came by with like [ __ ] 10 people with them it's it's always something crazy like that so it's like it's like a fun it's a fun environment and the shows are amazing and to me it's like I'm just going to concentrate on doing a lot of those shows like really small shows and I have a bunch of ideas that I haven't like fleshed out yet I'm going to have Chuck them in there and see what's up little Colonels do you feel like the podcast is influencing your act oh yeah for sure yeah well it also changed my audience entirely really my audience at one point was uh like a combination of Fear Factor people which were fading away and it was mostly like UFC fans it were like kind of curious and then you know it was still half of them knew what I was doing but now it's 100% and now it's like literally 90 to 100% of the audience is all podcast fans so they know you 100% they they know you like as as as much as anyone could know you ever that's fun yeah huge gay B huge huge gay Bas especially women tall ones yeah Lumberjack women yeah you're not you're not describing the type doesn't me you like right hey man I'm open to anything it's all depending on what kind of situation I'm in at the time do you think there's a guy out there that just goes after like the butchiest lesbian of course there's there's people that like everything man you know there's a broad spectrum you've met people that you know you look at what do you met people I've I've I've met a few people behind the 7-Eleven in West Hollywood yeah Brian shouldn't have went there that was too easy you ruin the vibe of the room I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring up compasses he's uh talking about gay
neighborhoods in Hollywood is it West Hollywood the gayest like the gayest part of the world pretty much we were in Compton today and yeah that like I was thinking Compton like oh my God we have to go to Compton that's so scary it was like nice there well the part where we were at was not the where people live we were in an industriala cheap he's thinking about going total Street just for the cred I'm actually from Compton are you sue uh Main Street Main Street Compton Main Street right next to the Rosa Parks Avenue right in the corner Compton we were in a honey honey music video honey honey is this band that uh uh we just found out about like a couple weeks ago and they were like one of my new favorite bands and I went to see them perform in La I got to meet them and then uh they came and did the podcast they were [ __ ] amazing and just really cool people and really really talented and so Brian and I were in a music video super awesome to meet Jason Ritter was uh there and so the whole afternoon I just got to sit down and hang out with Jason Ritter and I'm a huge John Ritter fan so it's just so [ __ ] weird and I'm sitting there that's the guy that was on uh that one show event the event no no John Ritter was like he was like one of the nicest guys you ever work with him yeah I did news radio with him he did a couple episodes of news radio he was great he was awesome guy yeah super super nice guy yeah that that one was like that when a guy like that dies you're like wow really really yeah yeah it's like 50 or something like that that affected me more than any Celebrity Death like like all the other Celebrity Death like I don't know that person yeah it sucks that they're gone but for some reason that I still think about John Ritter all the time I would say that was up there but Phil Hartman DED it for me that was that was the craziest one that's crazy yeah yeah John Ritter was hilarious he was a really funny guy off stage too like in between takes did you ever do anything with him yeah I did an episode of uh Ellen's second sitcom with him oh and he was like a really nice guy it's so interesting you know like the the the actors that when we were kids you know like John Ritter was like uh I don't know who to compare he was like the
Jerry Seinfeld when we were like kids wasn't he he was pretty huge and uh such a nice guy great guy you know what who was who was the guy who's the director he was in stari and Hutch and now he's a director do you know who I'm talking about uh God damn it Jay he's the guy who his wife I believe died of AIDS really yeah yeah God I can't remember his name can you find that Brian just stari and Hutch the the movie or the TV show rather just the TV show yeah the TV show not the movie with uh Ben Stiller not the new one the old one when I was a kid I [ __ ] Lov this show star and Hutch yeah and then one day stari and Hutch you seem like you could be a character on St star you so much I really love no you know what I mean no cuz it's that was back in that 7s era you know like um who was uh Peter Faulk he was one yeah Columbo Columbo and then there was an I mean there was like that the fat guy what was the fat guy that was the detective it was a little later fat guy Jake and the fat man Jake and the fat fat that guy like that's the that was the last TV show for like fat people for fat people you know that was it they're like sorry you know what Dennis France come on in you can get it at me but like the the guy was a lead and he you know Dennis France was just like a regular looking guy but that guy Jake and the fat man the lead character was a big fat guy do you remember s hung he had a he had a show on CBS with arcenio Hall and he was a fat Kung Fu guy and he beat everybody up do you remember that Brian no God damn it I can't remember the name of the show but yeah he was a a he was like a legit kung fu movie star but he was fat and uh he could like throw kicks and head kicks and he could do everything but he was a fat guy and he would [ __ ] guys up right wonder what he's doing I don't know but he was a fat guy that also had a good gig solid TV kid you know it's there's like you know I would be considered like a severely obese person on TV right well I guess the Biggest Loser there's big people on that right there's very big people on The Biggest Loser but there's there's like the the emphasis on Attractive people in movies and television is it's like it's not like disproportionate it's like ridiculously disproportionate right but when you need a a character guy when you need the
wacky you know uh what is the dude's name like a Steve Bushi character or something that you know movies will do that but I think I saw I was at the gym once and uh and I saw uh I think it was an episode of Bones was on and again I don't I don't know the show I'm sure it's a good show but literally the the show was you know like when you're on the plane and there's a TV show Playing and you just kind of watch it and you don't have your headphones on you don't have your headphones on and from what I could tell it's they went you know the attractive couple and then they uh someone dies who happens to be an attractive woman and then they go to a restaurant that I think I put my headphones in it was it was a it was in the bayou okay I don't know if the show is set in Louisiana or not but it was in the bayou and the guy who was the owner of this authentic Alligator Bayou bar had my accent and and he was he looked like he should be hosting uh the local news right he did not he did not like if you've been to Louisiana the people in Louisiana I mean I'm a white trash guy it's like you know that's funky genetics you know it's just like people don't like where I'm from people don't wear they wear sweatpants on Saturday night you know what I mean right when they go out because they're not working right Harry conic is this haric is not the norm it's not the norm and so anyway so like I watched the Jo I kind of give up and hopefully this is worth it so then so then I uh I watch it and it's just like everyone is I think they're FBI agents everyone is like 27 like the oldest person was like 28 and they're like now you've been here a year longer than me it just was very interesting that there was there was no one like 60 there was no one like 12 it was just everyone was the same age there was they were the same age they they were the same size like all the women were thin and all the guys were kind of you know like work out two times a day kind of worked out body and there was no one that 27 years of age is a really pivotal moment for woman sexuality very very important you know why because at 20 she doesn't know what's going on you're taking advantage of a little child and you know at 37 she's like probably Desperado for a relationship wants to settle down immediately only has a few
left 27 is like just old enough so that you're you're not you're not innocent anymore you're a dirty [ __ ] you're a dirty [ __ ] and you want some dick you know that's a 27-year-old girl that's like really the perfect time perfect time to [ __ ] you just increased your pod podcast audience among the female demographic saying that explaining well I don't know I think it's like if you simp if you simplify and generalize women well is it broad terms if I was writing a book these were broad terms I'm not saying all women variables Jim gin don't go captain saaho on me buddy I'm just trying to make a comedy example I am with the Women's Alliance and it's a founding member of nobody would like women to be nice more than me nobody would root for them to be awesome more than me nobody's happier than when women are nice more than me but nobody likes to be or hates to be told what to do by woman more than me I don't like that I don't like bossy women especially aggressive aggressive bossy women is there anything more uncomfortable than a woman gets aggressive and bossy with you it's like oh this is so dangerous like somebody's going to hit you with something so you don't like strong women not that I don't like bossy aggressive women I like strong men but I don't like bossy aggressive men either but there's something almost seems like oh this stupid [ __ ] you can't even help but it's in his nature but a aggressive woman to me is always like oh my God what are you doing you're you're like you have no break you're just driving crazy and you have no breaks yeah it's interesting cuz there's a difference between like being a nudge and being confident right yeah well there's a difference between um you know uh being assertive and being aggressive and confrontational in an unrealistic way and whenever anybody does that it's always uncomfortable but for me it always freaks me out when when women get like aggressive and crazy like when a woman starts screaming at a guy and putting her hands in his face I'm like whoa what are you doing right like this is this is almost physical violence here you're instigating this like this ain't going to end well this is crazy like I bet if we had to fight like all the men versus all the women we would kick the [ __ ] out of the women most
likely we would do that I mean we would totally you know like I mean I might get beat up but you wouldn't I think I would get beat up eventually there's enough of them I think there's 51% of the population and that 1% means a lot if it was like a lot of chicks around you when you talk about millions of people that 1% could be be prettyy substantial you know there's some guys that would just like that's their fantasy to get beat up by a bunch of women everybody knows the one guy that has every relationship he's ever in the woman's in control and she yells at him and tells him what to do and he's always miserable and it's a a terrible situation everybody knows that guy though right everybody yeah it's it's [ __ ] but I wouldn't want to be a woman and have a [ __ ] man either you know it's just the only reason why I feel this way is because I'm a man and I've seen so many guys get their lives ruined by women who probably don't even they probably can't even help what they're doing the reason why I say this is cuz I had an ex-girlfriend and she always she was a very nice person she liked to fight she just loved it she would just start to fight for no reason and I'd be like what are we doing come on this is crazy and after a while we became friends but we we stopped dating and so she started dating to the other guy and was going through the same thing with screaming him and yell at them and but this guy would just take it he would just eat it and so we had a conversation one day and she's smoking a cigarette and shaking she's like I can't help it she goes I I have to test him she goes and when he lets me walk all over him I just want to [ __ ] I want to scream loud enough so that he turns me around and tells me to stop so that he brings me back to normal and tells me to stop I'm like you might be the craziest [ __ ] person on the face of the Earth like imagine living your life like that what a [ __ ] she's not a [ __ ] she's just compelled by her own genetics to not have a [ __ ] for a man you know she she was like a a wild horse that needed to be broken Jim Gaffin you know what I'm talking about did she did yep are you still doing pale Force nope no I haven't done that for God since Conan had a Fallon what is what was paale force pale force was where it was an animated thing that actually my
brother-in-law um Paul no who's a cartoonist for the New Yorker he came up with this idea of an animated series where Conan and I would were superheroes that would fight crime with our paleness so we would we would shoot lasers from our nipples it was awesome is the art style did he do that yeah he did all that did he uh do the uh Saturday Night Live uh fun house video that's smel oh SM that's right yeah but uh yeah I loved it I I thought think I thought it was a lot of fun you should do that more yeah I think while NBC owns it and NBC and Conan I don't know if they're in that good of oh that's right yeah oh yeah that's right yeah madting bear they can't even do that what a mess what a mess that whole thing became what a m is right so crazy just the whole idea was crazy putting the Jay Leno show on a 10 like why you're going to have The Tonight Show on earlier when they did that didn't you think that that was I thought that was their way of like well if Joe if Jay fails then we say we give him a try but I think I like that that's what I thought they thought was going to happen but what happened was because Jay was on earlier it killed Conan's chance to even get an audience so people would watch The Tonight Show at 10:00 and then they wouldn't watch it later does that make sense yeah it does yeah it was ridiculous it was silly it was a silly idea it's weird you know you're the comedy policeman no I'm not you are you you call me that before the Improv and I told you it make me very uncomfortable that makes you uncomfortable not really but I only I look I had what I'm not enjoying step in for one piece of civil unrest that's I'm not never done anything since well there's something um about that whole situation with uh Leno and I don't know Jay at all and uh but it's you know if there was a joke Rogan of that generation maybe to go and uh explain it that's why you that's our new show you look for Bigfoot and and you comedy kind of uh well I think for all of us there was a there's been a few instances uh in the past where there was a guy that was kind of like clearly plagiarizing another guy and then you know one guy became famous with other people's [ __ ] I mean it's happened more than once and uh we've all uh felt the the real pain and frustration of watching someone do
somebody else's material where you know that they're stealing they know you they're not compensating them they're just they're just stealing and it's it was like a wild west thing it was like no one was doing anything about it and it was a and to treat it like it was no big deal you're absolutely crazy it's the core of someone's ability to perform on stage is having great material their it's their life you can be the best comic in the world you have nothing to say on stage for that moment if you go on stage and you have nothing prepared and you had nothing to say you're [ __ ] it's not going to be good you need premises you need material and so to to pretend that it wasn't a big deal that the industry was treating it like it wasn't a big deal and we were like this is crazy like you got an insane I told you that night what you did was very important I mean it was very important well for us it it had to happen it it had gotten to a point where no one everyone was just turning a blind eye to it because they were profiting off of it you know and that's what happens when a person becomes successful and and and as a plagiarist if it was in any other form of art whether it was you know writing it would writing would be super clear I mean guy would go to jail you know if it was music they take all your money if they can prove that you have the same beats and you're copying it like you're take they take all your [ __ ] money man yeah and we're not talking about you know similar premises which we all have which is all going to happen Tiger Woods who who has a [ __ ] Tiger Woods joke put your raise your hand everyone any everyone sat down and said oh this [ __ ] this a gold M you can never claim a premise but you you absolutely know when you know when when language is lifted yeah well you you also know where there's smoke there's fire and they can't I think I truly believe that people who steal can't write I really do I think it's the I don't think you can do both I think something happens when you steal and that that this this being disingenuous this pretending this [ __ ] knowing that you you are not really doing what you're claiming to be doing that you're pretending and that you're ripping people off and lying and projecting this false self-image which is like oh ego which is exactly what
shuts you off from the ability to come up with new [ __ ] like when you come up with new [ __ ] it's not like you thinking about you you see something you go look at this right here this [ __ ] what what this is ridiculous and you know what I mean it's not you you I mean it's you coming up with it and you thinking about but you're not involving yourself you're not trying to project a certain image you're not you know making sure that people think of you a certain way you're not even thinking like that because when you do think like that that's that shuts off creativity and when a guy steals what a guy's doing when he's stealing is he's trying to make himself better than he is he's trying to pretend that he's smarter than he is he's trying to put out stuff pretending that he figured this out when it was really someone else it's all ego it's it's really sad too it's sad in a way because I think that it's almost as if you know like policemen they have like rabbis you know it's like I feel like almost comedians should have rabbis someone to sit there and go all right you know what you might not want to do that you know but there's it's such a strange business we're all very individual and but you know the the the the irony also is is that any comedian would tell you that uh the respect of their peers is way more important than whether you're selling out Saturday night yeah that hurts guys bad when their peers turn on them hurts guys bad it's like you know it's like you you always heard about comedians that like you know like African-American communities when they would comedians they would lose the black audience I mean that's brutal but like when when comedians you know don't respect you heard a great loss it's great for weight loss I heard yeah cuz you have no money for food yeah yeah but yeah um that that could be really devastating to guys let's talk about something more depressing no I mean it's I think you know what's important is like what we were talking about earlier when we were talking about Louis CK like that when you're doing it the right way not just doing it the right way but like [ __ ] trailblazing like way faster than anybody else is being putting out that kind of material and putting out great stuff it's not like the quality suffering it's still really funny great
observations it's there's like a lot of thought behind it's like really great stuff so we sit here and we talk about that like how amazing that is and that's that's the positive thing and I'm sure you know he gets that all the time cuz that you know that's what the [ __ ] he's doing you know and he's he's and he's he's got this whole momentum thing going he keeps turning out the great new stuff people keep enjoying it and it keeps moving and moving and moving and and that's really an example for everyone to see every young comic to see it can be done just do it the right way you do it the right way it's incredibly satisfying but if you hack and and chop your way and and and take other people's premises man boy you're [ __ ] you're not just [ __ ] yourself up you're [ __ ] him up you're [ __ ] the community up if if it gets tolerated it's like it becomes a real problem yeah because I I think some of the cliches and you might disagree with me I think I think like basic cliches about comedians are not true like there like people like all comedians hate each other I think actually that's actually the opposite I think most comedians if you're getting on stage they're you're predisposed to like the guy yes or or woman yeah and so if I see Sim bad I don't know Sim bad but if I see simbad I mean I'm not really into his stuff but I'd be like hey what's up man how you doing I'm thing it's like there's there's so many different types of Comedy you're you're at least going to be respectful yeah of course and you're not going to go out of your way I mean there are exceptions you know where like like I think Larry the Cable Guy and David Cross had like a feud yeah I think that was silly I read David's arguments about that I thought that was really silly I mean I think yeah Larry does have like a few uh sort of uh islamophobic sort of [ __ ] jokes in his act and stuff but I mean wouldn't that what I mean he is playing a character are we supposed to pretend that the character wouldn't think like that I get confused about that when you know the guy's name is Dan Whitney and he's doing a thing called Larry the Cable Guy and this guy's supposed to be stupid as [ __ ] and live in the south I see argument that it might be encouraging racism but I also like really do you think Larry the Cable gu
changing anybody's mind censorship's a it's a slippery slope it is a very slippery slope yeah just [ __ ] on anyone's choices when it comes to that I mean some of the funniest stuff I've always said is the most inappropriate and ridiculous like Otto and George you know like you ever seen you've seen OT and George no no are you kidding myor us York when I first got opening spots in New York around you know and I would tank and then they would there would be a middle that would do okay and then Otto and George would go up what year was this no 1831 he's got some thing he's doing online check it out it's called the pig roast I don't know the exact address but if you Google it just Google OT and George the pig roast OT and George is a hilarious uh puppet act in New York and he was always like the example of a guy who would just say the the the dummy was evil as [ __ ] his dummy would say the meanest Nast [ __ ] the quote is is that people would and they would say that one guy was funny but I thought the dummy was really rude oh my God it's like I I don't yeah he he would say some of the craziest most ridiculous racist [ __ ] in the Dum and he would tell the dummy hey man you can't [ __ ] say that that's wrong and then like [ __ ] you and it's had a great gimmick you know to have a really angry psychotic [ __ ] dummy and the comedy is him he he says [ __ ] up [ __ ] and you go man I can't believe you're saying that is all innocent I mean that's not even [ __ ] brilliant idea I can't believe he did that but that's that's a it's a style of Comedy it's like death metal are they really killing people every day right a you know it's a style it it's it's a type of Comedy there's there's you know and people want to say like shock comedy that it's cheap I so disagree because it doesn't work unless it is funny I mean shock comedy won't work on me unless it is funny and there's a certain art to writing ridiculous shocking [ __ ] there there's an art to it and it's a it's a genre it's a style the shock comedy is it's the Ella line on in the Northeast that's where what line the accella acella line you know the Amtrak Amtrak from Boston to DC there's the asella line have you ever heard of that no no I never heard of it and um but that's where like that's where tough guy comedy
comes from is like is like Boston you know New Jersey um Philly right it's like that and that that Amtrak train goes up and down that and those are like those are the those are the tough guys you're a tough guy you know what I mean how did we get to this what were we talking about what were we just talking about I don't know I completely lost my point I just made me uncomfortable did I make you uncomfortable no really okay but you know what I'm talking about like the George oh yeah and George but OT and George angry mean comedy not not necessarily mean but like I think in New York it was it was uh was important to appear tough when I was starting out really not not having em motion attached you see that in Lou Louie has it and atel has it and Kevin Brennan has it and uh Marin I mean even though Marin is such an open book he has a little bit like being unfazed by at least on stage does that make sense oh yeah yeah yeah you have it too have to uh well you have to you know really be into what you're thinking about and if you're into what you're thinking about you know you're not going to be really phased if people are into it or not you got you know that there's a certain number of people that are your people yeah you know there's especially if you're doing weird [ __ ] you know I mean you're really clean but really funny but do you ever find yourself in a situation where like everyone in front of you around you is just talking about anal fisting and loads and rape and and then you go up and you're like okay you're like hey who wants to talk about cake what about bacon um well no it's you appear you know someone's uh you know [ __ ] a chair or simulating something like that BR that's my [ __ ] and no but it's hard to go up there and go you know you know it's interesting the third section of the USA Today it's hard right because you just appear so boring right but if you follow so if you don't follow someone really filthy or kind of like crushing someone who just crushes crushes or just kind of uh just irreverent you know just thick irreverence then you know it's not I mean you can do it it's just like it's different styles of Comedy you know I mean it's like if like uh Metallica went on I wouldn't want Taylor I wouldn't want to be James thanks so you're
calling me James Taylor James Taylor is Awesome by the way I'm a James Taylor fan my my come on he's he's a badass I like James for real yeah no so it's different yesterday morning they let me know you were gone see I was growing up I remember bad [ __ ] when I was 16 I uh got my driver's license here's another boring story by Jim GFF and I got my driver's license and uh went to a concert with I'm the youngest of six kids so my brothers and sisters went to a concert which was a James Taylor concert I know this this sounds edgy already and so I was 16 and I uh I thought you know all you got to do is show an ID and they'll let you have a beer and so I showed my ID I got my driver license driver's license that day so I showed him the ID and the guy took the my ID and he goes you're you're not 21 and he took the ID so I didn't have an ID so that I got my driver's license that day so then the next day my dad in the morning was like hey let me see your driver's license you know you got and so then a week later my driver's license shows up in the mail and uh with a letter from the guy who ran you know I don't know what somewhere in Chicago Alpine Valley or whatever and uh the guy's name was James Taylor so like James Taylor I'm like James Taylor dude that was kind of like connected Yep this coke Zero's going to my head you're getting crazy I'm getting crazy James Taylor would do that it does it to women and occasionally hit the estrogen jeans that you have dark dark in the closet tucked away yes see I sang the beginning of that song and you just I saw you SL a little in your chair you melted a little I melted a little bit that James Taylor songs are like little back rubs like but that's also you know that's that's kind of now some of those songs it's like I know the those songs because of my uh brothers and sisters right I mean it's not like I was sitting there like all right I'm going to you know some you to but did you did you ever buy a James Taylor CD on your own I don't know I don't know maybe I don't know no I didn't buy a CD I have proudly I think I even bought but you're like an MA you're like a martial arts expert so you're allowed to wear and people would be like he's still a tough guy I'm not going to call him a [ __ ] but you know like I sit there and I uh I read the New
York Times and people are like let's beat up the librarian you know what I mean that being self-deprecating nobody to beat you up by your reading the New York Times B that's happened many times I actually played I was I played Football in college people think I'm a [ __ ] that's scary football is [ __ ] terrify division three whatever it is there's big people running into you man that shit's dangerous did you ever do any of that no I wrestled in high school and my coach was always like Rogan you should play football you're crazy you'll be great out the I wrestled in high school I wrestled 134 lb 134 lbs that was the ladies division right yeah no I was I was under the ladies I would help them I get ready no I was 167 I remember I was undefeated my senior year wa you really you were killer wrestler uh 17 7 again this is a small high school and uh so you know how like we didn't have tons of uh guys on the team so like I lost like 10 pounds in a week that remember like people used to do that in wrestl oh yeah I did that you lose 10 pounds to go to a different division yeah and you would wrestle that day because there was like some you know big fat guy who could do mine because they didn't have someone for that slot right so I lost 10 lbs I was undefeated and then um you know I went out there and I like black out and got pinned you know and it was it was brutal cuz I was it was close to an undefeated SE that's pretty badass though I beat the guy that was third in state wow how come you never did anything with it afterwards you ever tried Jiu-Jitsu you know I don't like standing up either you don't excise at all I mean yeah no I used to be thin but you I'm I'm not talking about like back in the day I'm talking about like do you do anything right now do you p197 or a p9x you don't even know the number I heard that's really good I heard it's good I've heard it works that if you just follow what this guy's doing it really will transform your body it's all scientific principes I used to work out I used I you know I was pretty buff I watched a video of it and it's [ __ ] pretty intense stuff I tried it once it's I couldn't do it more how fing do you work out five days a week at least five days a week do you have like a gym
in your house I have two gyms in my house well that's normal I have a weightlifting gym in my house house and I also have a kickboxing setup it's all caged in in my garage that's amazing yeah it's a a company did it or rather a television show did it called Garage Mahal it's pretty badass was that ever release that show yeah yeah yeah yeah it's uh Bill Goldberg that big wrestler guy he's the uh the host of it and they they take over your garage and in 3 days they transformed it my garage is just like an episode of hor disgusting then you're kind of like where am I going to park my car no no no it's a four car garage so I have two car two dude I'm high I was on NC for years um so two two cars is just padded up and what kind of cars do you have into cars yeah I like cars all Hyundai well how many you you got two cars I got a few cars how many cars do you have Jay I have four cars four cars really and what's what's the what's your the love of your life car I have a Porsche a GT3 the like the it's it's basically like a a regular Porsche they take all the they like unnecessary [ __ ] out of it like the back seat they strip all the sound deing they make it lighter they put a put a bigger stronger high revving racing engine in it tighten up the suspension carbon fiber brakes the whole thing it just becomes this most the most ridiculous responsive car you could ever drive it's like you're glued to the road like you feel like everything it's incredible not even not even for driving fast not even driving illegally this is this is kind of it makes me uh think of this point it's like when you started standup did you think that you were I mean maybe I don't know you that well it's like I went into standup because I wanted to I I never had an expectation that I would be able to afford to have a family from standup you probably didn't expect that you'd be able to own four cars no never of course not I I never would have believed that I could make a living off of it in the beginning that was a dream a distant dream the great dream was to be a local Boston standup comic to be like a local guy you know there was a bunch of local guys that made a living they drove look he's got a nice Honda he lives in he got a great [ __ ] apartment it's a law his office is on the top floor that's where
he writes he's a pro I'm like this is a pro that gets paid to be a comic doing something he likes living unfathomable yeah I had just had a series of shitty jobs you know I had all of it drove a limo did construction did every delivered newspapers every possible ridiculous job so no I would have never thought I'd have four cars I would have never thought I'd have money at all it's amazing yeah it is amazing it's weird it's it's well you know and I think the the lesson that other people can learn Le always from anyone's success is it might not be the same path but if anybody can do it you can do it it really is that [ __ ] simple and it might not be everything you know it might not be I can't play basketball I can't run I'm not a jumper I'm I'm not fast you know it's like I'm too short I can't do that maybe I could maybe if I dedicated myself 100% to that I mean there was there a guy like Mugsy bogs he was like 5 six he played the NBA but the point is whatever the [ __ ] it is just just do it just go do it find a way to do it if anybody can do it you can do it I think there's also adjusting um cuz you know when you have these when you do like interviews like when you're you know touring doing standup headlining and clubs you'll get interviewed by the local paper yeah and they'll want to create some story you know it's like oh forine he's from Indiana he had no shoes when don't talk to him about cake you know it's like the these elaborate stories so it ends up you know it's like I don't even stories our real stories uh they kind of adjust like I I think when I started standup I I loved standup but I wanted to be a writer for Letterman I thought that would be an unbelievable job and you know it's just it's an amazing yeah that is unbelievable job I mean that's like the elite of the elite as far as comedy writers like this is Bobby writes for Letterman whoa you write for Letterman holy [ __ ] know when we started Letterman was always the the top of the I I think right now I mean I love Letterman but I think Jimmy Kimmel is at least his equal I think Jimmy Kimmel is [ __ ] brilliant I really think he's the best yeah I think well yeah Conan's always equal I mean he's always funny in his
own way you know he's I think he's very different than those other those other guys and I think one of the beautiful things about his show was all the things that people had grown accustomed to that they pulled from him that he can't even use now you know I think that's really [ __ ] up you know the whole it's so silly the whole thing to me is just so stupid what you can't do the talking dog anymore you can't do you know why that's there's like a million things that he can't do anymore like that's just Petty horeshit I think that's completely Petty yeah it's ridiculous it's it's a strange you let the show go that's the show the show's over there now it's with Conan come on man yeah this just so silly it's very strange they should be able to buy it back they should sell it back me that's what happens in the NFL you know someone goes and they you know they're the head coach here and then then you go there he goes to another team you you get something for it but it's not like you're sitting there because I think there's no like these coaches they're not supposed to be able to coach right you know like if they leave they have to finish their contract of seven years or whatever they're not supposed to be able to coach for the rest of the seven years but they do anyway well that's uh didn't that happened with radio with Tom leus oh really I think Tom leus had a deal with the 971 the FM talk in LA and they syndicated his show all throughout the country and those talk radio shows I don't know what killed them man what what killed talk like because look man when you think about what that was that that Network I believe they had Howard on the morning right it was Howard yeah and then it was uh it was Frosty Heidi and Frank and it was like there was a bunch of good [ __ ] shows it's like how did that get how did that go away like what what happened what killed talk radio Well Radio is just hurting in general and they were it's these these podcasts no cuz that was before podcast before we had ever done a podcast like this was off the air yeah but satellite radio was podcast were podcast really popular when when lus was off the air podcast we we obviously weren't doing but were was anybody yeah podcast were really popular and then it went away then the iPhones kind of came out and
like they started that was prea podcast it was Cora still had the radio show it was satellite radio that's right Cora was the morning show after a while remember he took over when Howard went to satellite that's what it was do people listen to in the morning in La like living in New York I don't listen to the radio you used to be awesome that's one of the things that I used to love the most about driving to work and being stuck in traffic was that I was listening to Howard Stern and they would replay it not open no he is he is still on but I mean on regular radio regular radio that doesn't exist anymore there's nobody like that anymore I mean there there are some morning shows like Kevin and Bean in La yeah Kevin they're huge right yeah they're they're the last Carson da and cist don't they have shows Carson has a radio show I thought so used to I don't know I know Crest does Crest has like 100,000 [ __ ] jobs he must be insane yeah no Body Works harder than that guy I know who who has who puts in more hours a day than that guy he's on that e show he's got a radio show he's on he's on the Star Search or whatever the [ __ ] it is what is it Dancing with the Stars what the [ __ ] ises he on the big one American Idol the big one that show's still on did you aming there is there is something what you're saying there is something about um people want to it's not greed it's like I think that and I don't know Ryan C CR big surprise and uh but I think he you know he wants his Empire yeah I think some people want their empire well I think he recognizes the opportunity he's a smart guy I think that's you know and it is very smart but it's maybe it's crazy I think it's at least a little crazy probably a little crazy don't you want to have a little fun well and also he might just super that the only thing he's into is like entertainment it might be true too Brian what are you doing with the the [ __ ] thing you crazy [ __ ] what what are you doing with that effect I'm getting ready to go to the bathroom oh oh so you're going to leave the screen like this yeah I should I like that dude that's very clever do you feel weird we're right next to each other on this video screen can we just talk look just let's look at the screen and uh let's
see if we can have a conversation this way try to kiss him I bet we can't I bet we can't I don't know how to even get over there it's too weird it's like I'm not the brightest guy it's a weird thing to watch yourself talk I don't think that's healthy yeah I'm not I I was editing my special and uh you know my wife and I were and it was uh it's you know the thing is like it's one thing it's like I'm out of shape it's like that's the beauty of like um not looking at yourself is not realizing how out of shape you've gotten not that I was easy to look at before I was out of shape your half your act is about like a little bit about self-indulgence and delicious things and gony do you think that if you uh if you got yourself in like spiffy condition that might [ __ ] up your material um I've heard people say [ __ ] like that before that's interesting you know there was a point you know when uh about a year ago well I was doing something else but I thought you know I was I was working out con I had more time so I was working out more consistently and not eating horribly at 3:00 in the morning um and I was like you know it entered my mind it's like am I going to be too in shape for some of these jokes um but I don't know that's kind of that's just me being neurotic right am i g to be too in shape for these jokes that's hilarious what a great escape Clause I can't my ACT is so important I can't do situps I can't you know I I'd work out but it might mess up like that third Chunk in the hour this is so stupid but I really believe this that uh I was uh getting into uh meditation and I was getting into yoga and a bunch of things when I was young and uh when I had first started getting into comedy and then I I thought about it I said you know what but maybe I shouldn't do this cuz maybe becoming more enlightened is probably bad for my ACT that's interes cuz then I wouldn't be making fun of as many things or picking as many victims oh yeah no that's that's that's a comedian thinking there right especially Boston style comedy so mean so you know attack it's attack style you know and I was thinking man if I became enlightened and I was all like peace and love like this would be terrible for my act and I'm not going to stum being a comedian you know it might not I
wouldn't want to eat healthy you know that might I think I got another hour in me being fat then I'll go healthy I owe my fans yeah and then you run out of [ __ ] and then you go healthy and then nobody wants to come see you anymore well I used to be really thin I mean I did I know you're looking at me like no you're I believe you no no I was no I actually I remember you being thin just uh I mean not even a decade ago right yeah how many how long ago was it um I don't know eight years ago who was the guy there was a guy who was like a really funny fat guy and then he lost a lot of weight and then he kind of like stop being around I want to say Vic Vic something you oh Vic Dunlap funny I was thinking Vic dun yeah very funny he's really really heavy and then he lost a lot of weight or he had the surgery maybe he had the surgery I don't know if he did or he didn't but whatever whatever method he choose chose I mean maybe I'm just not up on what he's doing these days but I remember seeing that guy everywhere when he was big and then you know he got skinny and you know don't hear about him too much no well you know it's it's weird because we also people will disappear and you don't even realize they're gone that is weird right like guys that you were like I thought that guy was going to be around forever like that guy was like really funny it's interesting yeah is it women is it getting married having kids you think could be that it could be some people get tired of the stress you know Jim and I were talking about how much we love stand up but we never quit doing it but everybody's got a different psychological makeup and for some people the the uh anxiety of performance is like really really intense yeah especially it's also it's I think that uh some of its luck I mean it's a real cruel business yes so I mean I was definitely an angry guy you know like for a lot of people were successful before me and I was I was angry for a couple years yeah really wow how' you get yourself out of that therapy really yeah wow you know and you know just also I came to the conclusion that I was not doing standup uh you know I wanted you know I wanted to be I was happy for my friend's success but I felt like I was a failure but like I had to come to the conclusion
what is success and what success is is like doing what you love and actually getting paid for it and so then I adopted that attitude and then things started going my way and that's why I'm releasing a 12 book series that's interesting man that's really cool I love hearing stuff like that I love hearing somebody figuring things out and just turning it all around a lot of wasted energy on Ang really yes a lot of wasted energy haters I always say no haters are winners there's no no no no people out there are writing scathing YouTube comments where they just break down your [ __ ] soul there's winners they're not happy there's no way you are you're wasting your energy wasting it you know yeah it's also it's like you put out you get what you put out yes you do yeah and it does make you feel you know like if you're feeling shitty it's like and you help someone you feel better yes particularly if you steal from them while you're helping them yeah I don't know man it's uh it's it's just really nice to me to see someone kind of figure things out like that and like get a get a new perspective on things we have to learn these lessons like sure over and over and over I don't remember who said it but they said that inspiration is effective but it's like bathing it only lasts for so long that's why we recommend it daily yeah and the idea being that you know I guess it's easy to fall into a pattern of just not not having your [ __ ] together or not thinking right or you know letting yourself get jealous or letting yourself go down a negative way yeah you know people like there a a big cliche like you know I'm just trying to keep it positive just trying to keep sometimes keep what really keeping positive means is addressing some [ __ ] that's not positive at all you know and and getting to know what the [ __ ] is making you tick and if you find out that you're getting angry for someone else's success for no reason it's like your your brain knows you're talented like you know you're Talent but why isn't anybody else seeing it instead of your brain using that resource and going let's just make sure it's undeniable let's let's just concentrate on being funnier and funnier till no one can say [ __ ] Yeah well it's
the undeniability thing but I think also it's for me it's it's very much like I have to be in touch with being humble I know this is sounding really corny but like usually when I'm angry is when I think I'm in control I'm somehow like I'm crazy enough to think that I can control the entertainment business or I can control whether you know my flight's delayed you know that you know that's just insane you it's like well maybe if I'm angry to this flight attendant the plane will take off sooner you know it it doesn't make sense so when I'm in touch with uh you know being humble it it ends up paying off yeah that's a very important aspect the 13th book of my series well we were talking about earlier about guys who uh wind up stealing material and that stealing is the opposite of being humble you you want more credit for what you've achieve for what you've you know who you are what what you're selling you want it you're pretending it's better than it really is it's the exact opposite of humility and that is the exact wrong State of Mind to be in for creativity I think yeah yeah it's yeah that's that's so [ __ ] awesome that you figured that out man I um I was uh for sure at at certain points in time early in my career I really had a hard time enjoying comedy because uh when someone would kill you know when someone was really good I would always thinking is man are they better than me [ __ ] I hope they're not better than me man [ __ ] is that how good is that that guy pretty [ __ ] good like it would bother me that something was good you know I couldn't just enjoy it I couldn't just sit back and watch and it took a while before I figured that out that that was holding me back that I would uh work with people and if they were really good I would get nervous you know instead of the way I do it now I bring like really funny people on the road with me on purpose because I want to be laughing too like I want you know when when I work with Ari shafir I don't know you know but him and Duncan Trussell and Joey Diaz and Tom sagur all these really funny guys so when I'm sitting there waiting to go on stage I'm laughing my ass off and it puts me in the perfect State of Mind like I want them to be brilliant I want them to kill but when I was young I was terrified of it I didn't want anybody else to be any
good I wanted them to be terrible so that I I could [ __ ] skate by on my my shitty act yeah well it's it's amazing how evolve and I think it's I think it's insane how I think podcasts are making comedians like it's it's siphoning out I mean I'm a jok Smith and it's it's adding um you know discourse or kind of reflection back into standup right whereas it used to be like what's the deal with keys right and so now it's I feel like I don't know maybe wrong but you know it's it's like podcasts are influencing some of this you know it's like Pete Holmes even said that to me said that his podcast is changing his act and I'm like that makes sense it's it's got to be so fun to like when you hear a bit and then you can go you know what cuz you know when you hang around some friends you know like 3: in the morning you don't have someone recording it right right but like when you're doing a podcast and you're like go back to like that in the middle I said something funny that could bit that might be a bit oh yeah I've definitely come up with some bits from the podcast 100% for sure that's right yeah I mean you're talking 3 hours at a pop you know many times we we've done many three- hour ones we did a Kevin Smith one I think that was the longest one we ever did like three and a half hours or something that's probably and it's things the Twitter too for reminding you you know be like like you'll say something and be like oh [ __ ] I did say that Twitter is amazing it's amazing Twitter is changing how I mean I've done things on Twitter and I remember like a year ago I I did some jokes cuz we just had a a kid and I I was driving to do a show and uh the guy who was opening he was like you're going to put those in your act aren't you and I was like I didn't even think of that and he was like yeah and it's like they're great jokes like and now like Twitter is this source of like is this funny I mean 99% of the time no but if you can get two great lines that could open up a topic well you're going to get them you're you're going to get some tweets from this podcast for sure where people will TW tweet quotes that you said that made them laugh that happens all the time right and you'll forget you even said it yeah and then someone will tweet it
that's fun what do you what's your numbers now would you what do you have for numbers numbers for your Twitter followers I yeah it's so funny it's like what I follow every day follow there's a strange obsession it's like it's 9 I think it's 960 something but I'm getting close 96 960 960 960,000 holy [ __ ] but I've I've been working dude I've been working you're you're you a million you're going to feel different you know it's you know I've only over the past month or two started to even have conversations on there like first of all I initially I was like I'm not going to have a convers like there's Twitter things we should go over this and then I go but here's the first one the first one is um and some of my friends do this so it's like it's like to each their own it's like when someone says uh Jim gaffan was awesome tonight you know the part of me the desire is to retweet that but that's almost bragging right yeah you get a humble brag for that they'll retweet you and so then there's the uh um there's that and then there's even having convers like I had always wanted my timeline to just be jokes just jokes you know you know like maybe maybe a you know uh an appearance page list you know it's like I'll be in Tampa Blah Blah Blah by the way I will be in Foxwoods on June 2nd no and so because jimgaffigan.com jimgaffigan.com and uh so I would do that but there there's also something insane about that because it's there is something social and there you know if your friend says something funny it it would be fun to respond so I've just been doing that for the past 2 months but how many people do you follow follow a lot I follow a lot too I follow over a thousand it kind of sucks I've been thinking about like cutting my numbers down lately yeah but but there's so many people are like dude I told you about the I tweeted it like for a week in my I've cut I've cut a few celebrities I was following some celebrities as a goof and just it's just say just moronic [ __ ] over and over again and I'd get crazy and I'd have to delete it well I've done that but I also feel like that's that's kind of like inviting someone to dinner and then saying sorry you can't come isn't it I don't know no it's like decided people unfollow me all the time especially like
really douchy people I like I'm sure like some woman will will get mad at my not wanting women to be running things I quote about that ear you [ __ ] sexist pig by the way that all came from watching a woman yell and scream at a guy uh yesterday pointing his face and in a ridiculous situation where I thought it could escalate the violence and I might have to step in it was like kind of craziness so that's just the origin of that so you know but uh maybe not really maybe I just made that up too you don't know we don't know we don't know but we're going to agree with you cuz we're sitting in a room with you but uh what was the uh thing about the Twitter thing it's how about this how about like when you have like you know a comedian uh a you know there's friends and then there's peers that you kind of know and you'll be like hey you know I'm going to send them a direct message and then you realize they don't follow you isn't there a little bit like really really you don't follow me I I've done that accidentally though and I apologize like I didn't realize I wasn't following somebody and there's people that I knew I was following there for some reason I wasn't I've had Twitter Twitter's been doing that a lot lately and I think it's the iPhone I think if if you have the iPhone you'll have the app open and then you could easily like hit it unfollow someone cuz it happens to me all the time you know what else have happened you know I used to have a Blackberry and I had an iPhone at the same time and when I had my Blackberry I would go on and check a direct message on Twitter and then I would go I got to get I got to respond to that eventually but I don't have time right now and then I would go check it online and there'd be no direct message yeah it wouldn't exist anymore like what the [ __ ] I didn't delete it well I do I do know that if they delete a a tech a message it deletes it oh and another another thing so somebody could send it to you think that you didn't respond and just delete it yeah and and then there's another thing I feel like a dick if you if you go to somebody's page and it says that you're not following them if you hit refresh a lot times then it will say you're following him like it just doesn't uh show up that you're following him and so then you might click it
thinking like ah I thought I was following this then that's unfollow then you un are you kidding me yeah yeah so anytime you God damn it great it's like I exist with enough guilt already yeah you know it's so anyway I got to I eventually have to go you got to get out of here right now what time is it yeah it's 8 yeah it's 8:17 yeah all right listen you sexy [ __ ] uh this was fun though thank you anytime please come by you're awesome man anytime you want to do it please are how often are you out here in La not that often you liveing in New York City kids four kids you live in Manhattan yeah wow what is that like with four kids living in Manhattan it's like really hard yeah I would say how do you what do you do with them how do you take them plac we uh we have and we live in a two-bedroom holy [ __ ] yeah so wow and that's probably $100,000 a month right apartments in New York are [ __ ] ridiculous aren't they it's insane it'san crazy way to live I'm sure my apartment is like half the size of your garage wow that's ridiculous and you must pay a shitload for it too right well yeah yeah but I had a friend who's got a $4 million apartment and I was like this is $4 million yeah this is $4 million this is like $1600 bucks a month in Burbank This is $4 million in New York this is [ __ ] craziness it's craziness it move to the West Coast we'll start a podcast yeah dude if you ever want to come out here man you would toale running [ __ ] I I'm not a I don't drive you couldn't imagine the amount of anxiety when I was like uh the five the 134 it's like I don't come I don't drive that marijuana in a navigation system and you'll be fine don't worry about it it's all figured out you never have to worry about how to drive uproot your family okay you can't say that you would never uh you could never live here because of the sun cuz you wouldn't be outdoors how much I did a ginger it's fine she just wear big hats yeah you'd be fine dude you can do it well I don't know you scared scared of the Sun for real no you know what uh I some of it is I think the entertainment business I don't know if I want to be that deep into it yeah you're probably right I know that mean what do you mean you can live in a completely different world in New York people are
for sure you know theast syst the cast system that exists in Hollywood yeah oh you oh he's on a network show so he gets to go here and then here's an indie actor so he jumps over you oh you're a comedian you can go back there with the mes you're is that how you feel when you're out here I think that there is a hierarchy here well I think that if you came out here just I was saying I was say Jim Gaff game this is what you could do if you came out here and started a [ __ ] podcast and you'd have all the comics that are out here or you could actually even do this in New York if you wanted to but you're you would have a huge podcast I think it would be enormous and it would I think it would change everything change uh how you promote your Club dates your your your your theater gigs anything you're doing it would be amazing for sure easily people would right away sounds like it's top be in the top you'd be in the top five in iTunes right away I'm 100% convinced oh yeah yeah you would be and I would that you'd be one of the few people that I would subscribe to yeah you're perfect for this man I could do it with my wife she's yeah that's not a bad idea Tom seur does it with his wife yeah that only works out 50% of the time it only works out 50% of the time well you mean with with couples you don't mean like Tom seur [ __ ] sucks half the time no I'm just saying with with couples let's just be clear yeah most of the time they it cosses a break break up so either way it's a win it's a win-win all right Jim Gaffigan ladies and gentlemen and you can get his special when and how April 11th April 11th $5 five bucks at jimgaffigan jimgaffigan.com G ffi gan.com dudee you're the [ __ ] man will it be available on iTunes or Amazon or any of those places Jim just Jim okay cool awesome thank you very much for coming sir appreciate it this was awesome yeah it's always fun to have a comic especially a comic that I get a chance to talk to really cool yeah really cool um thanks to the Fleshlight for sponsoring our lovely podcast please go to Jo rogan.net click on the link entering the code name Rogan you sh 15% off you've heard this before what's behind us the Fleshlight is that girls that's a little eser that's a that's a kid right no she's a grown woman
actually she's she calls herself little she tattled on me for parking at the com store oh little Lester why'd you go negative on me come and give me a hug and apologize to Brian um thank you to on it.com o n n it makers of Alpha Brain go get yourself some always 100% muddy Buck guarantee for the first order of 30 30 pills you know why it's not more because there's some people out there that are [ __ ] and used to be you can have it all money back 100% all whatever you bought 100% money back guarantee but then people were selling that [ __ ] so we had to stop doing that ah it's dirty dirty people out there breaking the law breaking the law cutting through the r systems hacking the system they hack the system Jim C again God damn it anyway on it.com alphabrain shroom Tech sport shroom Tech immune and new mood the 5htp enhancement supplement as always please Google New Tropics get yourself into that [ __ ] first check it out find out what the uh pros and cons and uh if you're interested in alpab brain go to joe.net click on the link enter in the code name Rogan Jo rogan.net yeah not.com who is a very nice guy by the way don't harass him nice guy he a real estate salesman in Idaho and he just sent me some email that was accidentally supposed to go to me but it went to him what the [ __ ] is this podcast still going on for good night everybody we got a packed week tomorrow we have uh Jason Silva on Tuesday Aubrey Marcus and then on Wednesday we got Matt from Hoarders the guy who cleans up after those [ __ ] crazy people so we got a busy week all right you dirty freaks we'll see you soon bye love you Olive Garden oh you did it you [ __ ] [Music] n