Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSzhHIFo22g
[Music] tom you're [ __ ] author not only you an author but you're a new york times best-selling author pretty crazy man that's crazy crazy yeah that's pretty crazy i know i really didn't think that would happen to be honest it's wild you got a wild following now cal i know it's just um i remember their you know that's the whole thing they once you once you have like everything in they start talking about the sales obviously like first is the work of writing the book right which is its own thing and everybody's like don't do it at least comics are they're like don't [ __ ] do it you know everybody i know has done it said exactly what you said it's a grind yeah yeah it is it what it is too is that for somebody that's out of school work for so long it's the thing that feels like going back to school the most because you you have deadlines and we know we don't write debt you don't have deadlines in stand-up you know it's like and you send it and you get notes back and they're like there's blood all over the pages right like [Laughter] they're like this doesn't even make how do you connect these two and you're like i don't i don't know and they're like well that's what you have to do now you're writing and you're like [ __ ] okay so it's just like it feels like you're back to work you know you're back to doing work again how's your typing um it it was rough with the arm with the hand oh that's so i actually i started writing this book i i got the deal for it in that when the pandemic was like just had to when it was clear everything was shut down so everything started in march and then it was like april may i feel like in that window is when i got the deal to do this and i was like yeah i'm not gonna do any touring like they were like remember touring's like done i'll write a book i sent in like i don't know i sent in 10 000 words um and then a little while later i sent in
20 000 more and i remember that i i gave it to the publisher and she took her time with it you know like to do the to do her notes that's you know i don't know how many pages that is but it's let's say it's like 100 pages or something so it'd take a while so i'm just like waiting to get notes back and then when they come back it's like right before i get injured so i think i i'm then in the hospital and i have an arm that doesn't work for a while and they go how's the uh how's the notes coming i'm like i'm not doing them i can't write right now because i was yeah and when i finally did get to them it took a while like some some chapters you get notes on say things like you know just add something here and there and uh this this works great you know make this more clear you're like oh that's not bad at all and you flip the page and the next thing is like just we don't know what the [ __ ] this story is about and it's just like lines all over the place lose this add this add humor you're like add humor add humor yeah that's definitely one where they go this story is a good story but you need to add humor to it and you're like why do you have to add humor to a story because you're a comedian yeah but you're also a podcaster right mm-hmm isn't that the best thing about podcasting mm-hmm because like you don't have to like hit a very specific note you can kind of talk about anything serious goofy and you you get comfortable it's weird because most comedians you see it are so uncomfortable with moments without laughter sometimes mark norman oh uh really not uncomfortable no he just can't help himself with the one liner yeah yeah he just sings uh it's got like he's got like a file in his head that just comes flying out it does it comes flying out yeah i just did his podcast with uh with samurail oh yeah yeah very fun uh we might be drunk it's a great podcast yeah um
but you know you you see comics who also on stage i mean obviously you want to get laughs on stage but there's comics who can't even take a beat they get scared they get real scared like there's not laughter right now and then you see people who really are super comfortable yeah setting up those moments gillis is great with that yeah he's locked in it's one of my favorite things to watch in stand up because i really enjoy being taken on a ride yeah you know yeah and that and a comic who's really masterful at pauses yeah and leading you somewhere to then drop it on you it's so fun it's a thing you got to know when to do it and no one not to do it yeah it's so interesting it's like jokes are kind of like songs like some songs they're slow parts and some songs are all just [ __ ] yeah hot for teacher i mean i have part of my hour right now that is slower building like in the middle of the show and if i'm on a late show and it's a chaotic crowd in my head i'll be like just skip that [ __ ] you know because it takes you have to pay attention to that and you gotta know that on a crowd like that it's time to like you know you gotta fire at him you gotta fire at him late show friday you have to people been working all day they got up at seven they went to work they probably went to the gym they got something to eat they started drinking and then they come to the show it's 10 30 when the show starts out of their minds too sometimes they think they think they're your biggest they they might be your biggest fan they're like i'm here to have like to see my favorite person and they're just ruining the [ __ ] show there's a guy the other night at the vulcan like while i was on stage everything's like yeah definitely oh no way that's the worst don't do that like oh jesus bro shut up and everyone
around him was like shut the [ __ ] up yeah you tell him joe that's what i'm doing uh do you know what i said had happened at the show that i don't know i mean this is so crazy that this happened at a show i'm in baltimore and doing a great venue there like the lyric um and it's it's probably 30 minutes into the show and somebody says something you know it's a theater there's out of the 2500 or some people at the show so but somebody says something on like a pause right so everybody hears it sometimes you you navigate whether to deal with something or not and the bigger the rooms get you know you ignore things this person says it like why is bert fat or something like i'm because he eats too much i don't [ __ ] know right but my response made other people go oh this is when we can oh right oh i've had that happen right so they start going they start saying other things like podcast jokes or you know bikes and like [ __ ] from like other stand-up shows and i'm like okay and then at one point it happens you know like 10 people in a row i go do you guys do you want to keep doing the show or do you want me to not do this and they're all like yeah do the show and when i say that another guy jumps in from the balcony with another comment you know like do you like old bay on your crab or you know something like that and i go i hope you die in a house fire or something like aggressive and rude and people laugh and i you know i just and then i turn back and i do i just continue with the show but moments after that you know when you can you don't even hear something you feel commotion right right it's like an energy so i'm i'm up there and i'm moving on and i'm like what is that but i don't
say it i just because i just got through dealing with chaos but i feel it and i look up there and i'm just like whatever and it it kind of dies down after a moment and i just keep doing the show so i get off stage i see uh dave oaken uh who you met my tour manager who's at the the party and he's like you're not gonna believe what happened i go where he goes up in the balcony i go yeah i sensed that something was going on there he goes a guy pulled his dick out and started pissing on people in the audience and i'm like what what he goes yeah but you know we what we learned is that he was aiming for somebody but sprayed a bunch of other people and the reason we know this is that one of the people that got some collateral damage is a friend of another guy i work with on the torque here so he's like yeah my friend was sitting in that section and he goes i see this guy pull his dick out right and what we learn is the member the guy that said the thing and i'm like i hope you die in a house fire yeah the guy behind him was like you don't [ __ ] with tom's show he's on my side he's like i got tom's back and starts to piss on him and it ends up pissing on a bunch of people and i go wait what did you do he goes well we all were like get this guy the [ __ ] out of here so then security comes over that's the commotion it was like people were like trying to get security they thought that the guy who got pissed on was the culprit so they go to grab him and he's like i just got pissed on go get that guy but it takes them a second to figure it out and meanwhile he gets out and as he gets up to the upper balcony exit area he runs and he sprints outside and they don't catch him the pisser got free the pistol got free yeah
but he's on your side he's my team yeah he probably just had a really pee bat and he's like you know what i got a [ __ ] idea i'll get the heckler yeah i'll just pee on the heckler because i have to pee anyway because if he's getting it everywhere that's a heavy stream that is a heavy stream yeah he's just spraying yeah i was at uh one of the boston venues and they told me after the show they're like that was sometimes they'll tell me you know we had three ejections or 12 it's like you know they'll tell me that after the show like yeah we had to eject the guy from the upper balcony he just uh like squatted forward and pissed on the floor so he didn't want to get up so they're like everybody's like what is this and then everyone's like it's this guy who's pissing in the seat jesus christ people are [ __ ] animals they're animals yeah oh my god one other venue they said that a guy went he left the aisle and then just went to the corner like just pissed in the corner of the theater and they're like what are you doing he just didn't he's like i don't want to go out and miss the show [Laughter] so crazy imagine someone doing at your house i know people are out of their [ __ ] minds that's one thing i'm not looking forward to about owning a club oh yeah i was dealing with people just pissing in corners and stuff yeah it's really a thing right i mean it can ruin the movie theater experience when you're like i don't want to miss this right now yeah you just yeah that's the other thing i love about watching movies at home yeah pause pause go take a shot come back perfect have you ever i mean i've done it before where i'm about to go on stage and i'm back it's been not on this tour but i'm about to go on stage and i'm backstage and i'm like [ __ ] i gotta piss so bad and i'll just grab you know yeah water bottle yeah or something i've done that we'll have to do it yeah he's done in the studio 100 times in the studio yeah he pulls out his dick and sticks in a kombucha bottle he always likes pulling out his dick he loves pulling on his dick he did it the
other day we had a podcast and he he went he left to go pee but he didn't pee in a bathroom he pissed in a whiskey bottle in the hallway and we got video footage of it because we have cameras we have security cameras he's like why are you filming me i go no no we're filming everything because you have security cameras the real question is why are you pissing in my hallway he didn't see that like look at him why couldn't he walk the bathroom's 10 feet away because he's re that's part of his fun part of his fun is he's just completely inappropriate the pull your dick out move is usually for having a real nice looking dick a big one or comically if you have a very small one it's like a fun movie bobby lee move yeah yeah so what has he got i don't know i mean i don't remember i haven't i've seen it before but i don't really remember it i i dare to say it's not a memorable dick it's a regular dick yeah it's not a bad dick no it's not a pretty good size yeah it's nice got giant balls big balls that's right yeah they're crazy they're like hang low that's really crazy yeah yeah joey diaz is the most ridiculous ones yeah seen joey's balls a number of times grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose yeah that's a good way to describe them and i've i've even requested them i did uh that during the pandemic there was a fundraiser for like the store or comedy workers or something and we were all on this zoom with people signing in donating money to them and we were like hey will you pull your balls out and he was like i don't know i need consent you know so we were like i need good sense we were all asking okay this is 2022 joey i need consent yeah so we all were like please everybody said yes please all right he stood up pulled him 10 years ago it would've been greasy he's a serious dude i know donate now yeah what was that for that oh it was comedy store employees i think oh after the pandemic when everything got shut down it looks like a bag of onions somebody was like go to the store and i'm gonna make this
soup yeah get six onions yeah like garlic yeah like big cloves it's crazy how do your pals get that what i mean does he go to a doctor no who knows what's going on down there mm-hmm i often wonder him and i feel like him and bert probably have the most like i don't want to know the results reality for sure you know they're like don't tell me bert got his blood work done is it cool thank god my liver panel's good mm-hmm like how how does it how is it possible that it's good he got he got a call he said from the cardiologist and he was in a panic and then she goes i don't know how you did it but looks good go go celebrate like go have a good time he was like you just gave me orders to do that okay i was like she doesn't really mean that it just means congratulations we were talking about today like he is becoming the machine yeah yeah he's not bert christopher anymore no no he's now yeah it's like how andrew silverstein became dice clay yeah yeah for people that don't know the dice man was part of dice's act um part of andrew's act andrew had an act or he has great impressions dice has [ __ ] fantastic impressions he used to do john travolta and a bunch of other people you can find them on youtube yeah he does really good impressions and then he had this character that he created called the dice man and he would put on the leather jacket and oh and then it became his whole act it became him uh sam kinnison same thing he became the beast you know like he even talked about it how it kind of like ruined his life hunter thompson talked about that he became gonzo he became this guy oh right you know that he would they didn't think of him as just a journalist anymore he was like part of the show yeah and they always wanted him to be on acid yeah yeah drunk and yeah yeah i see bert having some of that for sure for sure well i mean look at the massive success he's having doing it
which is part of the problem yeah you know i mean if you try to go on stage and not take your shirt off now that's no longer an option yeah it's not an option it's part of the show that's part of the show yeah and you got to tell the machine story part of the show if you don't tell the machine story yeah it's like not for i remember um early on when he when he started to like really move tickets and i was like you have to tell he goes i have to tell the machine story i go you don't have to you can do whatever you want he was like no i kind of have to and i go you don't and then i went i saw him at a show and i was like oh no you have to they really want to hear it yeah i really want to hear it how long is that story he can do different um length versions of it so he can he can do a in a bridge like a shorter version where it's if he has to rush through it i think he can do it in 10 or something but he can do it as long as 22 or 25. we were talking about it yesterday on the podcast with simpson i convinced him to do that on stage uh bert yeah oh yeah he gives you full credit yeah he never wanted it he was like oh yeah the [ __ ] you can't you have to but it's just crazy that this thing that he's most known for that is literally his personality now he didn't want to tell on stage it's hilarious i know sometimes like your friend has to see it yeah you know like i've had conversations with tony about his act you know and i point something out he's like dude you were right i'm like i'm telling you sometimes your friends notice something that you don't notice it's just a tags yeah you know tags are crazy i mean the thing is you get suggested bad tags you know oh by people so sometimes you get off stage someone's like you should say this and you know for the most part you go like oh thanks you know and you're like that was [ __ ] terrible the worst is when a non-comic tries to offer you suggestions
with a bit and you're like shut up yeah it's like saying to a surgeon why don't you stitch it like xxx if you just don't go straight across but go back and forth and be tighter sure yeah yeah yeah some people go i'll send you some stuff that i think would work for you okay how about non-solicited stuff sent to me oh yeah i don't even read it because i the last thing i want to do is read something and i have like a parallel idea that i've already started working on and i read it in this thing and then i go oh god i read this guy's thing and i have a thing that's on the same subject you know yeah that's not now some [ __ ] schizophrenic thinks that you're stealing his act oh yeah that mean that's that's a big one and and they'll also um you know they'll suggest ideas they'll go i have jokes for you um i'll do the thing too where i've you ever do a set and then you see another comment doing a set and they have a bit that you didn't do in the club set right so but it's in your act and they do a similar thing i'll tell them i've gone up to them been like hey just so you know yeah that bit you just did i want you to know because you saw me here tonight that i have a bit about that yeah so you know i didn't get it from you here tonight right you know and then you have guys that come up to you and go just so you know i have a similar bit yeah and they have a reputation for stealing yeah and you're like do you really how convenient that you found a new way to do my bit it seems like yours the worst is when a guy is opening for you and then has new jokes on the same subjects but that happened to two friends of mine um one one guy is the opening act and the other guy is the guy who takes him on the road and he was on stage and he was doing this bit and my friend who takes him on the road had
his mouth open like ah he's [ __ ] stepping on my material like totally stepping on the subject matter and i had to pull him aside i go hey man like you know he does that bit right and just because you're doing a different bit kinda yeah you're doing it on the exact same subject and you're as opening act you can't do it you can't do that no just so people like if you're the the the way to do it is if you're the opener you can just you just have a conversation with the headliner of that show and you just go are you doing xyz well i don't think you have to do that if they hire you like if a middle like if you're a middle act at a comedy club and you're supposed to go up and you do your act you just [ __ ] you do your set you do but if you then see the headliner have a like a topic or the thing that that's similar to yours you either just know not to do it or you talk to them about it you know yeah like when i i you brought me to do uh a vegas show and i was like hey are you doing anything in these and you're like i am doing this story i'm gonna open with this i was like okay i just dropped yeah you and i are friends like imagine if someone was a headliner and they kind of suck yeah and you're like trying to become a headliner and you're a little act you might be like [ __ ] you and [ __ ] you sure says the club hired me to do my time yeah but it is i mean i just believe in like if you're middle your support you should you should embrace that role yeah callan had a conversation with someone once he had this guy middling for him and the guy was like tanking the show the guy was like like talking to the audience but kind of tanking the show and he said to him he goes hey man um why are you doing that like the other set you were doing jokes and now you're like he goes i can do whatever the [ __ ] i want he goes no no you can't now if you do that you're not going to open for me anymore
it's like you actually you're working for me right now right like if you do that i don't want you to work for me anymore he's like my time on stage is my time on stage he's like oh okay bye bye yeah yeah let's get somebody else and it was like a big to-do yeah but people don't people that aren't true like sometimes people have like mental breakdowns and they don't want to do their best anymore or maybe they just you know sometimes the just the grind of repeated shows can [ __ ] with your perspective there's times where i'm like a little tired and i have to remind myself jesus [ __ ] christ rogan do you know how goddamn lucky you are just to be here to be doing this if you couldn't do this like imagine i also try to remember how i felt just recently being able to do shows after the pandemic like while we were doing shows i was like holy [ __ ] we're back we're [ __ ] back we're back the first time we did shows was in the middle of everything was july of 2020. we did the houston improv because texas doesn't give a [ __ ] that's right they were everybody had masks on and some of them were under their nose it was just like it was wild like everybody was just basically risking covet yeah to do that but the feeling of crushing again and that was so wild do you remember you must remember when we did it was a year ago this week july 4th week of last year we did mgm oh yeah and that was the first time vegas was open again yes like fully open yes those cr that crowd those introductions were insanity insanity yeah and then covet kicked in hard again after that yeah because then the delta kicked in right and then i wound up getting covered that's right yeah yeah that was that was extreme that was like people like holy [ __ ] it's back yeah yeah that really was that was not interesting what a show that was too darnell you me dave yeah [ __ ] that was amazing i'm there i'm there friday night oh nice same place yeah yeah that's that's a great day i'm [ __ ] pumped
it's hans kim tony me and brian simpson oh wow yeah this this friday friday night tomorrow tomorrow yeah yeah i'm i'm here all weekend are you really what are you doing acl oh nice yeah nice i got four there home gig home gig sleep at the house that's pretty great dude you're going so hard it is it's wild i don't know anybody who is doing a tour like you i don't know i've never done anything anything like that no i've never even honestly heard of it totally uh i mean people we tour aggressively but this is kind of other level the name of it though is amazing everywhere yeah that's what you're doing and we haven't even announced the uh the final leg that is so crazy you have more legs yeah so we we have everything announced through this year uh domestically so i i do so many this just just so the tour started in 21 right and just in 22 this year i'll do 198 shows oh my god and i did i think because i started in august of 21 i think i did 70 something between august and december of last year and then i do australia new zealand in january and then i announced the final leg which is more international shows are you doing mostly theaters mostly arenas are you doing like half and half it's a it's a lot of theaters and then the arenas have started to increase so i you know i started to do a couple i have a few canadian uh arenas and then i'm doing i'm doing i have a big i'm doing two ball arenas in denver july 23rd and 24th nice so that's that's that's big double double double arena mohegan sun arena um and we have a couple others on the on the books denver's [ __ ] great that's my [ __ ] i love denver it really is i love that town um i think i mean if i wasn't settled here if you just go like where do you want to live i love i would live in denver i really like it if i was going to pick up and move um i think the thing about denver is there's comedy yeah and there's mountains
i mean it's gorgeous it's gorgeous you get get people are cool proper four seasons you know yeah you get to experience it all great restaurants restaurants people are cool as [ __ ] um yeah it's a it's a it's a really nice nice mix of everything the homeless thing's out of control there though in denver yeah they have a very liberal mayor and they're they're nuts what did we do with them here when i got did we throw them in the in the river no the river is not going to get polluted by homeless people oh i uh i remember when i got here there was a library like on cesar chavez was uh totally taken over completely taken over yeah just one day you drive by and you're like what happened here they did a good job they fixed it they brought them into shelters they brought they they bought hotels they spent a lot of money and they cleaned it up and they cleaned it up substantially like no other city that i've ever been a part of and it was a just a great relief that this city is doing the right thing yeah they gave they got them shelter they took care of them you know and they they moved them out of the streets you can't litter on the street right you also can't camp there sure both those things are true but you have to have a solution right you can't just be like well you can't do this and we have nothing no option right so no they did a good job yeah they really did i did notice because i was in la uh last week because i was always kind of floored by the location of it right which i don't know how that would sound to some people but just when you like there's always been a homeless presence downtown for instance downtown los angeles you just go this is like a lot of major cities downtowns and there's a presence here yeah and then you know you always had it in venice for instance also right that was just like a an area you would always have homelessness but there was a camp set up in brentwood which i was like wow this spells feels like a real indication of the extreme level of this yeah because brentwood for somebody that doesn't know
is one of the enclaves of los angeles that is like just really high-end it's an elite that's where oj killed his wife oj killed his wife there other people have died there it's a wonderful area and but it is i mean it is a like a status area to live in yeah and you would drive you take this uh off of i think off san vicente and there's the military cemetery there and the camp was all along there as as the road turned and it was just like out of control out of control they've given up yeah but that one's gone now that one's that one's gone really that's what i was very surprised by i don't know where people relocated to if they did any of the things we're talking about but that one at least on when i went through that that i was expecting it i was like oh it's gone um i don't know where it went they have um porta potties in the underpasses now they do yep probably yeah [ __ ] we uh i went to l.a for a couple days last week for your wife's birthday party that was a good [ __ ] time for fun that was a good time i got a little too high right daddy got a little too high whoa i wasn't that blistered i was in that out she asked me she's like where have you been i was like just getting high in the [ __ ] yeah we were high school on the balcony yeah we were high as [ __ ] but it was fun it's just a fun party but uh anyway while we were driving um to that we went to we ate at mother wolf you read it mother wolf [ __ ] new place and um new place in la that's uh run by the same head chef as felix in venice yeah which is really it's just as good as felix like that where is mother wolf mother wolf is on wilcox thank you so proper hollywood yeah hollywood hollywood anyway so we we take the off ramp and then uh we're on the underpass and there's porta-potties not one either like four like a deck of portabotties and then someone has a car parked there on the sidewalk like partly on the sidewalk so they're like half blocking a lane and then they have like a a canopy draped over their car and they have just
stacks of [ __ ] and then next to it was a dresser they had a dresser jesus so they had their shoes and a shoe rack there was a shoe rack like this is where they live that's really wild i didn't know also that um you know when when you see stuff like that on the streets at least in los angeles or maybe in california those are that's protected property like by law you know that like if you were not supposed to do that but and but like that's that person's property by law oh homeless person's property is protected yes absolutely huh if you were to go and try to move that or take that you'd get arrested yeah yeah hilarious but they wouldn't ask you if you shot somebody maybe you should just go and shoot the homeless people i like your ideas yeah yeah and if nobody claims it i mean nobody does anything about violent crime in l.a anymore it's a [ __ ] joke yeah they're just letting people out you know that guy that uh killed ted sarandos's uh mother-in-law he had just gotten out really oh yeah real piece of [ __ ] yeah just people that are just full-on career criminals and it's bad i mean i just read about the guy that he killed a subway worker you saw that over too much mayo yep he had just gotten out shot her in front of her her daughter he's a career criminal too yeah yeah too much mayo i like mayo that's why i love it too really stuff i like a juicy subway sandwich the story really stuck with me do you know the bread and subway sandwich has so much sugar you can't legally call it bread no yes really yeah it's like a pastry yeah pull that up eat fresh man that's their [ __ ] remember when jared the pedophile was eating bread from subway and claiming that that's however that he was my buddy and then i have his phone number oh that's right we shot commercials together jesus christ we split a pizza at the w hotel in new york that's crazy he was like uh his friend said you know the
executives are pissed they say jared's cane and wait i'm like what you look great he's like they're like now he's put on a few because they would really they go we can only do this campaign with you if you're always there you know yeah how much do you lose total man i think he was 500 pounds and he got down to like the low twos so he probably lost over 250 pounds yeah subway rolls rolls ruled too sugary to be bred in ireland that is hilarious pulled it down the article ireland's highest court made the ruling the case about how bread is taxed the irish franchise the u.s company had claimed that it should not pay vat on the rolls it uses in its heated sandwiches but the court ruled that because the level of sugar in the rolls they cannot be taxed as bread which classified as a staple product with zero vat i don't know what vat is that's that's a tax vat a tax act um under tire ireland's vat tax act of 1972 ingredients in bread such as sugar and fat should not exceed two percent of the weight of flour in the dough jesus christ wow by the way the funniest quote is the subway spokesperson subway's bread is of course bread look at what they say the content the sugar content is 10 of the flour in the dough for both white and whole grain rolls 10 is crazy yeah that is shouldn't have any [ __ ] sugar in there yeah why does it have ten percent that is it's a pastry yeah subway's bread is of course bread we have been breaking bread fresh bread in our stores for more than three decades and our guests return each day for sandwiches made on bread that smells as good as it tastes dude look at that the rolls are now subject to tax at 13.5 percent so if you're you know working out your margins there that's a that's a big increase from what it was right like holy [ __ ] yeah that's a hit yeah you're like i think we got to remake this bread man yeah just make regular bread yeah i mean how many people would buy less subway sandwiches if it was no sugar in
their bread maybe you don't know if you're if you're used to that taste you don't know how it's you know you know it's made and if they do that you'll be like the [ __ ] is up with this bread i'm like well we cut the uh 35 grams of sugar we were putting oh yeah 10 if if it's 10 of the flour is sugar what is like does normal bread do they add sugar i want to say i think white bread definitely has sugar in it right well like wonder bread but that's not really bread no it's delicious i mean it's kind of bread but wonder bread is basically pastry yeah because that's a very sweet tasting oh my god it's so good yeah wonder bread with like peanut butter and jelly is [ __ ] fantastic one slice 1.5 grams for white bread yeah oh that's from what's up yeah does it say how many grams are in a subway yeah it's a lot it's a lot yeah look at that company's review on the ruling a six-inch subway roll contains three to five grams of sugar that's not that doesn't seem that crazy except for gluten free which has seven oh interesting they added more sugar to gluten free it seems like that irish supreme court should could have been just a little bit of a like a scam to like let's increase that tax rate yeah probably get that bread tax up i mean they have a known history in the uk of being a little tax happy tax yeah remember those days oh yeah sure we had a shell in the [ __ ] what's what what's what doc yeah bro and then there's the there's the big tax loophole that exists in ireland right which uh corporations funnel their money through them oh yeah uh-huh what is that what's the loophole so i believe the loophole has to do with you know when if you if you route your money through certain uh countries and there they have laws that allow it they allow you to go like our money is actually deposited here they collect a tax on it but it's far less than what they would pay
if they kept it let's say here so they end up it's essentially housing that money there to pay less tax i believe it's the irish it's called like an irish corporate tax loophole or something like that just so many times but it's a big one and they've like you know there's uh american politicians who have like lobbied to try to get that done away with like a ban the ability to do that so that people would have to pay more taxes here but so far the problem with paying more taxes is they're just gonna find more ways to spend your money i don't necessarily think it's gonna make anything better you know i think the bureaucracy in this country is so clogged up and [ __ ] up and ineffective i just i don't think they would be better if that like if we all just gave 75 taxes yeah they're not going to fix the streets they're not gonna cure the homeless problem fix all the crime they just figure out more ways to spend yeah they'll find new ways to tell you that the rich people are not paying their share so you turn on them yeah everything there's like i love memes i've been [ __ ] meme happy lately yeah yeah they're so funny it's like when things are gone gone crazy like i love memes because it just seems like those are the that's the [ __ ] that they sometimes summarize things perfectly yeah yeah but uh someone just sent me one um about i'm fine for you about people with pitchforks turning on the people with torches hold on a second i'm [ __ ] this up it's not good bro my vision is dog [ __ ] mine too it gets worse it's getting so bad all the time i mean if i don't i'm not gonna find it if i don't wear reading glasses oh here it is i can barely see those you know those little things the the little squares and you like your iphone yeah the images i have to make the image full size yeah i can't figure out what that little thing is yeah i've gotten to the point where if any type of thing is
written in on the phone yeah i have to enlarge or wear glasses i can't i can't just read the uh so this one's like a cartoon oh no you don't need to fight them you just need to convince the pic pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks oh yeah it's real it's real i mean this is what they would do if you got more taxes i guess that's not a meme that's a cartoon yeah but same idea basically so are you aware that russian popeye guy the guy who gets uh russian popeye yeah he's this guy who is uh plastic surgery uh no oh no is this guy who i've seen a photo of that like his face is he's doing crazy stuff to his face but also doing stuff to his arms yeah they look good look he's his arm looks like seriously infected his left arm i mean yep i don't know what's going on there but he's injecting his arms with something like oil or something maybe it's synthol so i've read somewhere that it was petroleum jelly that he's doing he's like literally insane this is like complete mental illness 100 well if you look at his uh the translations of his posts it's all i am a very attractive man i'm very handsome and very confident like sure and so his new ones most most guys like that say that you know oh yeah all the good looking ones yeah i'm very good looking and i look at what he's doing to his face look at that face the big one so he's doing this to his face now which is weird when you hear him talk because he's got this heavy russian accent what is his face man do we look at that that's yeah that's not good he's got oh man he's got makeup on too he does definitely got lipstick there's no way those lips wouldn't feel good on your [ __ ] yeah maybe you don't think that would feel good come on like if you couldn't if you just covered everything else up you wouldn't even have to cover everything up because he looks kind of like a crazy
girl he does he looks like a real yeah like like let me see his face full face like yeah if you get fake eyelashes on that dude and long hair you could pretend yeah i have before um all right hey cheers everybody hey number two new york times bestseller how are you doing hey you're number two huh i was i think i'm uh seven this week who's number one number two it was a fox and friends host and it's like reshape the american mind oh yeah it's good to read it's got the christian emblem next to it like let's you know it's a christian friendly book and it's in every store you know did you know that when the printing press was first made most of the really popular books were like how to spot witches no yeah i always thought like books oh the old books like we're going to pass down our knowledge of mathematics and geometry yeah this is how you build a house yeah no the early books were like the really popular ones like how to spot witches yeah that's hilarious but it only makes sense that they're down to two printing press houses in america now what so it used to be a thing where if we all wrote books and you're like when's it going to print and it'd be like when it's done we don't care now you have to get a slot like you're talking about like a hardcover book and because there's only two left if you lose let's say you you're like oh my book's not ready or whatever happens pull out now you have to wait for everybody who already has a slot to print before you can get another one oh so it becomes a thing where the the deadline to print becomes extremely important how many did there used to be so many more to the point where it was never an issue you would never be like well we can't get a slot i know this because when i had my deadline
i called them the night before and i was like i'm not gonna make the deadline tomorrow and they're like you have to and i'm like but i won't that's not done and they're like you really have to i go well let's re let's let's push it and then we can get a new date to print and we'll just push the release and i you know i pitched this whole thing and they got back to me the next day they go you have one week they gave me an extra week to finish it and i just wrote night and day did you take adderall i didn't i've never taken it i haven't either but i think i would think about it for for that yeah that would make me hyper i've never done it my wife took it once and she told me it's it's crazy super focused she said she only took like a half a one her friend was like just take the whole one yeah she's gonna try a half one she's like she's cleaning her closet yeah grinder teeth i could use that i don't mind that i could use that type of focus i am terrified of speed because i'm terrified that i would enjoy it you know i like the kratom have you taken that i have taken kratom have you taken it as a pre-workout no well yes well i've taken it as a bunch of different things but you know chris bell yes and mark bell yeah we're talking about them yeah so chris bell's one who turned me on to it that's what turned me onto it and so he tells me if you take a small amount it's sort of like a mild stimulant like a cup of coffee yeah but if you take a larger amount it has a different effect so i go well how many do you take and he goes well before i work out i take 10. i go 10. 10. i didn't know that you take 10 i go so i take ten so i took ten and i was high as [ __ ] i was high as [ __ ] wait did you take ten ten pills okay yeah because the the vials the oh the liquid form is more potent oh yeah that would be crazy i take one of the i've i've been doing it for a couple weeks yeah and i feel [ __ ]
ready to go after that does it make you feel like you're ready to work out like you feel better i do yeah more energy it's a weird drug it's a weird drug though because if i'm being totally honest i also feel more confident on it really yeah oh i feel i'm just like i don't know i feel more confident but that's good right i think it's good for going into a workout why is it what's it bad for it just makes me laugh because you say that and somebody goes you mean like cocaine and i'm like i guess so but it's kind of like opiate right i i mean i've heard different commentary about it yeah i just know that i really liked it for uh their stuff mind bullet i really liked it yeah that it made me nervous when i tried ten ten you might have you might want to dial that back but you also like i'm gonna do a cold plunge for 25 minutes so it might be something in your brain doing that well i just wanted to see what he was experiencing was he was telling me he was doing 10. i was only doing two on my own okay because i think maybe it even said it on the label i don't remember but i was doing two and i was like gives me kind of like a good feeling i like it like it was like a good cup of coffee chris is one of those guys who because i worked out with him in in sacramento he can just go in there you know on a moment's notice and still pull five six hundred pounds really yeah yeah he's 50 something years old chris or mark chris yeah that's a lot he's not a big guy i know strong dude he has that switch fake hips does he yeah mark is still super [ __ ] strong too yeah yeah but 10 is you're getting high yeah you're getting high high like it's like it's a wild high it's like this kind of highlight that vial if i had taken another one i might be like that too loopy yeah but that's what it does it's weird it's like it has a different effect with low dose than it does with high dose it's not like with low dose you get confident and a little pick me up but high dose you're even more confident more pick me up sure no i was high high i was high like
[Music] but i didn't have any motor control issues like uh everything moved perfect sure it wasn't like i was impaired but did you finish that going i don't want to do this again yeah i never did it again never touched it again do you like any pre-workout um i don't generally generally i'll i'll take a kill cliff i like kill cliff okay because it's like 150 milligrams just b12 in it 150 milligrams caffeine like kill cliff ignite i like those okay pre-workouts but um i i feel like what i all i really need is to get sweaty once i get going yeah then i'm good i have that thing like i mean it's not probably that unique but the feeling of breaking a real sweat just from lifting is so much more like rewarding i know it's just that from cardio right right you go like i'm definitely going to sweat as long as i but you can do a a lifting regiment where if you do it at a certain pace you might not sweat right but you still have like a pump going but if you get after it with weights and you really start sweating that i think it's one of the best feelings yeah it's nice it's a very it's a very anxiety relieving feeling yes yeah yeah there's two types of lifting right there's like lifting heavy like rocking and with big pauses in between your sets you don't get too sweaty for that no you know doing like sets of two and three yeah yeah yeah but i don't really do that the heaviest thing i lift is 70 pounds really yeah occasionally i'll do deadlifts with more or squats with more and when i say 70 pounds i mean a 70 pound kettlebell i might use two yeah but it's like 70 pounds with each hand that's what i was carrying when my knee popped the other day and i was like yeah i was carrying a dumb i was doing rows you know and i had it in my hand just it's fine i mean it was fine for the rose and i'm just ki and i go to move and i don't pivot like my left leg stayed planted and i just felt pop up and i was like
there's a knee that i had injured before yeah and it was a good four days seriously seriously for people that don't know that there's a video of it online we don't need to watch it again yeah but it's it's a patellar tendon tear yeah and so you have to repair that but my knee also swelled up and i was like oh no yeah i got so nervous about it i got it x-rayed got it examined got an mri yeah there you go i think you just tore a bunch of scars there's so much scar tissue there so they go you tore scar tissue i don't even want to get my knee mri my knee that's caused me problems really i just want to keep juicing up with stem cells yeah hopefully yeah it's working it's definitely better it's definitely better 100 it's just i gotta not kick with it that's the whole deal i just can't it's too much torque in that yeah yeah it's too much yeah you know it's just sense and i i can't i can't just half-ass my pt because i saw her when i was in l.a she goes like are you doing lunges and i go yeah she goes are you [ __ ] stupid and i'm like what and she goes are you a [ __ ] dumbass or something i go no did she talk to you like that cause you're a comic no she's just dr karen she she just has that uh that's her karen jaberia she has that personality and i mean we're friends so we you know we've hung out we've socialized about it she's great but she she goes you're doing lunges like a [ __ ] idiot and i was like i guess so i go hey you never told me not to do lunges and neither did anybody else she goes i mean look at the movement of your knee when you're doing a lunge dummy of course you're going to [ __ ] up your potential it's like all right she goes no more like well how long has it been since the surgery uh that surgery was a year and a half and you still can't do lunges she just said that it's really best to that that the torque you put on the knee on a full lunge especially like a weighted walking lunge is a lot for a patella for patellar tendon so she's like you can do squats you could do dead lifts you could so never do lunges again i mean maybe if it
was because they like the doctor said it's so funny when i got injured they go orthopedic injuries full year year everyone said a year yeah in a year that's what it takes you got to need a full year to recover you need a full year okay i go in the other day when i had this scare and he goes yeah you know your left quad's coming back pretty good it's not where the right quad is but i can tell you've been lifting and this is good i go yeah he goes you know takes two years before your quad could be like when did we add another [ __ ] year to this and he's like oh that's what it takes for a like a quad to really come back two years i go oh so now we're on a two year plan okay so but how do athletes do it because they don't it doesn't take two years for them i don't know i mean i think acl stuff might be a little different or maybe the regimen they put them through i'm not sure i just you know this is just what they told me and they just said you know maybe strengthen it up even more before you get into lunges but yes tendon is a big [ __ ] tendon it's a big one yeah i mean what happens is too i mean it's pretty obvious but when that tendon tears your patella just goes floating and you have no hinge ability so it's just a leg that doesn't move because you don't have a knee so it's just completely useless and then you can't move it when the surgery comes is you know when you're recovering from it you can't move it at all like you know when you do acl repair you're able to walk on it like after a few weeks and you're able to then you know 10 weeks later but you're in a straight brace for the patellar for like six eight weeks i went to a party without crutches five days after my acl surgery okay i just put a knee brace on and i was walking around there you go i worked out real hard um well i was in really good shape i was doing jiu jitsu a lot and i popped my acl and then um got it fixed within two weeks it was really quick jesus yeah and i didn't do any meniscus tear on that knee at all it was just uh it was a
it wasn't a normal way of tearing it it was jujitsu and i was in what's called half guard in a lockdown and i was trying to pass this guy uh his half guard and he extended his legs and instead of my leg being locked out like this my leg was locked out sideways so it just snapped and it sounded like a carrot it did yeah like that loud and that was the acl yeah and it didn't even hurt that's what was crazy how about could you walk when you stood up like when you totally i got up and my knee was a little stiff and i kept rolling i kept training and then um i was in my office i think i stopped early though i think i stopped training early because it was starting to it was starting to like stiffen up and i was like maybe this is something because it doesn't hurt but maybe it's something um meniscus tears hurt like a [ __ ] yeah that's what they were telling me but sometimes tendons and ligaments they don't really hurt yeah it's weird so then i was in my office just moving some [ __ ] around and my leg just went it just buckled and i had already turned my left acl like 10 years prior so i knew what it was i was like god damn it so luckily i went in and uh i had already seen this doctor because he had cleaned up my meniscus in my left knee and uh i went to him and he's like dude you need surgery like when can you get me in it's like ten days okay we're good so ten days later i had surgery and five days after that i went to my friend matt's birthday party that's why i thought you just had knee surgery i did feel good wow he's like what the [ __ ] are you doing yeah like i'm gonna brace on that's why i was walking around didn't bother me at all i didn't even have any pain medication you were exercising shortly after that i did jiu jitsu six months later six months later yeah it took six months of training but i rehabbed it hard i didn't rehab the left one that good because that was like in my 20s and i was kind of stupid yeah but i was so into jiu jitsu when i was in my 30s that when i blew
that acl out i was doing bodyweight squats in the shower like deep body weight squats in the shower like just days after surgery i was like i am going to break this tissue up like i know my left leg is really strong and i can hold the position and my legs are strong i've been working out a lot so i know i can like do stuff like this so i'm just going to slowly make sure that because i have a friend my friend jen she got her knee done up in canada shout out to jen rivett she got her her knee done up in canada and i don't know if it was a bad doctor or a bad situation but she developed scar tissue that was so bad that she couldn't fully extend her knee so they had to put her under so they put her under after the surgery like like a long time afterwards to try to straighten her knee out to break up the scar tissue and they did it in like this insanely painful way that you can only do if someone's out pulling it out yeah still didn't work didn't work nope so her knee doesn't fully lock out her knee never goes like that yeah it goes like this so she kind of walks with a limp and i'm like god damn it when i see [ __ ] like that and she's younger than me i see [ __ ] like that i'm like well that's how you blow your hip out because you're favoring one knee and you put pressure on your other knee your whole body's like out of balance if you have something wrong like that yeah and you know i whenever i talk to anybody that's had any kind of surgery like that i'm like you gotta keep that [ __ ] leg moving you can't just sit around yeah you can't just sit around and let it heal and let it heal heal like and lock up well i'm just i'm so glad it was scar tissue yeah i know that's so lucky so you don't even know if you finished saying that so it was just the scar tissue that popped in your knee when you had that thing recently yeah because everything was intact i mean you know first was x-rays and they did this manual exam where they move your leg around and they're like does this hurt can you do this can you extend can you resist and you know pass that and then yeah the mri and they go with scar tissue so thankfully that's very lucky oh my
god i was just panicked about being laid up again i was like i know multiple guys who have had an acl had it fully repaired and then went too hard too quick and then blew it out again yeah yeah yeah i knew by the time by six months after the the two different ways that i did it on this side i had what's called a patella tendon graft where they take a piece of your patella out and you can see the scar on this one it goes like this here they take a piece of the patella with a piece of your shin bone and a piece of your kneecap and then they open you up like a fish and then they drill in that and drill in that and this patella tendon replaces your your acl but on this one i took uh i did a cadaver and this one they used an achilles tendon from a cadaver and it's 150 percent stronger than a regular acl whoa yeah so this one you know that this one's good to go son through walls with this one but not the other one well the other one i had some meniscus damage and uh they repaired it initially but repairing for regular people and repairing for kicking are just two different things the amount of torque right walking around is different yeah walking around it probably would have been fine yeah but there's just too much twisting and yeah yanking and you know kicking is so especially spinning there's so much torque on your knees there's so much going on driving into things sure it's hard i don't want to get my knees replaced that's what i don't want because i know like michael bisping had both his knees replaced i know my friend steve graham he had both his knees replaced on multiple times so you're gonna dial it back with kicking with that leg right for a while that's why i went today to get the stem cells yeah shout out to ways to well shout out ways to well they're great yeah it's awesome yes i brought friends oh it's so nice i mean stem cells all those biologics like that's it's just it's so it's such a game changer because it can heal things in a way that you just did not have access to before stem cells yeah sure
it's amazing i mean it already feels better like he's been doing it for the last couple months injecting it and our it feels way better it was hurting going upstairs and i was like god damn it because i just know where this road goes nightmare yeah yeah and the road goes also to a weakened leg so i make sure that i do a lot of stuff on that leg yeah i've been very very diligent about the knees over toes program yeah i have that that torque sled i pull that [ __ ] backwards i guess every day i'm supposed to get that sled tomorrow or the next day yeah it's the [ __ ] yeah that thing's the [ __ ] i used i used it at the at belle's place they had one so and i loved it you didn't see the gym here oh i saw it oh did you it's [ __ ] wild isn't it cool yes that's cool you see the archery range yes yeah it's nuts what you have here yeah yoga room sauna cold plunge crazy float personal gym it's dope yeah well other people use it you know yeah security guys use it and yeah yeah curtis comes in [ __ ] i'm coming by man anytime brother anytime come on down have a workout it's awesome i love having it it's just a beautiful thing to have you know it's like it's a it's also a fun thing to do with guys before you do a podcast sure get a workout in yeah yeah sweat that's it's great yeah i'm going to offer like yoga classes for people that want to come and do a really cast like say hey the podcast starts at one but if you'd like i'm going to do yoga at 10 a.m come on down get a little yoga class in that kind of [ __ ] are you still doing a lot of yoga i haven't been but i want to that's why i really enjoyed when we did that i mean it was a whole difference yeah but like not even the challenge aspect i mean that was cool too but getting into something that i didn't really do before and i i do miss it i do like i like the feeling of completing one of those classes yeah we we uh gotta get bert on the sober october train this year we can't miss this one he needs to get sober i'm down because i want to see i mean he's so much more of a drunk than he's ever been before
right wouldn't you agree he's out of control he's out of control what happens is he um you know it's not unlike i think anybody that maybe tours is that his wheels fall off on tour i mean you know that happens to a lot of people you get home you get grounded all right and he but he tours a lot so what happens is you know the party guys on the road it's going to be a [ __ ] party yeah he put a post on the instagram he texted me too telling me about it he's like i'm going to lose weight i'm going to do this i've got my goals and this is this and then uh he goes but i'm back on the road in two weeks i'm like [ __ ] yeah you ain't doing [ __ ] you're gonna have getting jacked this month he's gonna have money one hard workout and he's gonna be really tired and he's like i deserve a drink there's a video of him that he put up on his instagram and it's i think it's from him on the podcast on this podcast talking about how much he loves drinking i'm never going to quit drinking always i love it i love it i love when someone says he gives a couple speech he has a couple of those i know what it was from it was from some it's called the sunday podcast yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's it yeah where he does this really yeah he's done on this one too but on that one it yeah he he does it almost it feels like a coach right right right yeah halftime you're gonna win this [ __ ] chance he's evangelizing yeah yeah he does this thing sometimes where he's totally serious where we'll be together i'm like how you doing like we just first sat down how are you doing he's like good good i've been drunk in a while feel good gotta go like when was the last time you drank he'll go uh tuesday and i'm like that's not that long ago that's two days ago yeah i'm drinking yeah i will never quit drinking i will always make sure that i can keep my body healthy enough so that i can always drink i love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail seeing a sunset with a cocktail having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine getting on a plane can i get you something double jack on the rocks lots of rocks i love
the moment someone says hey we should get a drink and you and you're not supposed to that feeling it's like a first kiss you don't get that first kiss kisses when you're married you get to have those first drinks at a brunch someone goes should we do mimosas and then the waiter goes actually we have bottomless mimosas and you're like this is gonna be the best day ever dude you just hyped me the [ __ ] up yeah it's pretty inspirational i should speak at a a meeting he's crazy but it's also he's built different he really is actually he really is a [ __ ] hell of an athlete if he wasn't a drunk that's the total 100 truth like when you played him tennis [ __ ] unbelievable yes it wasn't even here's the thing he didn't really prepare for that and he also showed up hungover and with beers on him like in a in his hoodie pouch and i was like are you okay he's looking pretty hungover oh what it was too because he actually has um he played he was a really good baseball player right he has really good hand-eye coordination um and that his serve was i'm not joking it was phenomenal really his serve was phenomenal for somebody that's also not actively playing and he could do things like you do kick serves and like he could put spin on it and he was serving impressive impressive for anybody who plays tennis but especially for someone who's not even playing all the time yeah let me see this is like give me some volume let me see if he's like nope didn't like that one well he's maybe but this is like him still figuring it out right that's that's a light that's not an example did we just start this match off with an apes okay this is really bad i can't play tennis at all so this was impressed when when you see him actually serve next it's this is so i'm sure horrific to watch but so bad i mean this is like watching two blind people [ __ ] yeah [Music] when he uh when he got after it i guess
that didn't have it there um but yeah so anyway i had i had a tennis coach there a like a really good player and after the match he's like dude he goes i'm sorry because he coached me i go what he goes he has a legit d1 college serve and i go what he goes yeah that is [ __ ] really impressive i had no idea wow he would have that but he does have he has athletic gifts for sure he does if he wasn't a fat [ __ ] he wasn't a fat [ __ ] he'd be a hell of an athlete the only actually you know the the thing that would completely change that guy is it's obvious but it's his it's his caloric intake right like he yes he has he's had a surplus every day right surplus food surplus drink if he was like i if you told him you have to cut this out right your life's gonna you're gonna die he would [ __ ] look unbelievable like the weight loss challenge when you guys the first sober october we did was just a weight loss challenge but even that he did it the bert way right which is like he crammed two weeks out he's like i'm going to starve myself like that's how he did it he didn't do it like you know and did he even starve himself i think he just dehydrated yeah he dehydrated himself he probably skipped a bunch of deals he has a skinny formula which is what yeah he goes you want you want to be skinny yeah because what you do is you drink you take a xanax what yeah he's like you sleep and then you wake up skinny because you haven't eaten in like 15 hours i'm like yeah you could just be awake and not eat you know what a bizarre way of handling it yeah it's just his mind man oh god he's such a kid thank god he's a comic right imagine if that poor [ __ ] was like some salesman somewhere yeah just be hating life waiting to get drunk oh i could see him totally working at like a tackle shop you know it's like somewhere like you need bait you need some get some worms here for you and he would just be tipping one back on the job and it's
fine he works at a bait shop you know maybe maybe they'd fire him who knows he put the worms where the [ __ ] lures are supposed to be yeah he's just yeah there's like there's certain people that you can't imagine them being anything other than comics yeah for sure he is he is our john daly oh yeah for sure that's definitely who he is yeah that's our john daly but it's but what i worry is that it's like so attached to his persona right he has that thing it's not uncommon where he goes i don't want to disappoint people they're here to see the machine they want to have a drink they want to party with me and he's not he doesn't want to let them down you know well he'll let them down when he dies yeah that's going to be a letdown that would suck the thing is like you can't live long like that yeah i know nobody lives long like that no you you live but i know you're you're in a weird race with obviously he has great genetics he does he does so for drinking his genetics are fantastic yeah they really are because he doesn't even when he's really drunk he's pretty [ __ ] coherent there's times where i didn't know and then also it's revealed he's like i've had 85 drinks yeah he's like i drank like these two bottles of whiskey and 45 beers i'm like what and then i'll be like oh yeah he's like check this out and he takes his clothes off i'm like oh okay like now but i didn't know a moment ago when we were talking the wildest [ __ ] is watching shane gillis i heard about this shane gillis and ari already said i'm going to go beer for beer with you which is ridiculous yeah shane's a big guy too he's a big guy yeah i mean former football player yeah very tall a lot of mass right so shane is uh handling 15 beers and plus he had a couple we shotgunned a few too shotgun did he have like 17 so he shotgun two he was on 18 when i was on the ground he was said 18. 18 beers really yeah he was fine yeah oh funny funny fine funny great sentences
wow talking [ __ ] having a good time he's got a real capacity oh it's a superhuman wow and ari was done ari was throwing up yeah i saw the cool thing like asleep with his arms folded like a little baby on the ground bruh i stayed for hours because after the podcast is over we're looking for people just listening we're looking at uh the photo of muhammad ali when he knocked out sunny liston but it's ali standing over liston and ali has shane's head and uh liston has ari's body that is so funny shane's really funny too his comedy is amazing really really it's excellent there's a great crop of upcoming comics right now it's [ __ ] great his especially put out fantastic yeah i watched that thing complete like fully through laughing the whole time very very funny and his new [ __ ] is even better yeah and uh i say the same thing about brian simpson brian's so funny so funny we worked last night and last night he had to go on after duncan and duncan trussell did little hobo he brought little hobo back yeah if you've never seen little hobo ladies and gentlemen it's one of the best [ __ ] bits i've ever seen in my life it's a beautiful bit and i don't want to give away anything about it but it's about a dummy that his grandfather had and his grandfather died and that's the end that's all i'm telling you and it murdered i mean murder like standing ovation people i've never seen it in l.a it would murder then too he just started doing it again him and i had a conversation about i'll go do you gotta bring back little hobo oh really yeah because he little hobo got stolen i didn't know that yeah from uh stole it yeah wow so he had to buy a new little hobo so he went on ebay and he found a little hobo like a a dummy phone he's a new resident now yeah there's people who lives here now too yeah [ __ ] awesome isn't it crazy yeah yeah we got a great crew here yeah yeah shane's moving here he is he's he said he's thinking about it i'm gonna get him to move here nice yeah we need him it'd be great [ __ ] yeah when the club opens yeah we need him how soon until the club where we're in construction right now okay depends on how long it takes for things to what are we in july yeah beginning of july yeah
all right hopefully my goal is to do new year's there really that's what i'd like that'd be honest i would love it if we get done by new year's celebrate new year's day even if it's just a party sure even if the club's like we open up january 1st yeah with the club that'd be right i just love to just be right yeah it's going to be so sick i can't wait man i can't wait i can't wait to have a place and for me like selfishly it'll be opening as i'm getting off tour which is ideas and you have a club to go to work at and for me it'll be getting open right around the time i release my special so it'll be perfect for me because you're gonna shoot soon yeah so it'll be right around the time where my special's released and so i'll have to do new material and it'll be a great place to work out but you know two of my favorite places to work out right now are um i love working out at the creek creek in the cave yeah where i saw christina run her her set which by the way was [ __ ] hilarious that's her new stuff yeah she's funny dude yeah yeah she i haven't seen it i haven't seen it yeah she's hilarious her bit about fat models is off the charts it's so funny we've gotten a lot of heat we've been talking about that a lot yeah a lot of hate people are mad oh yeah fat people well yeah and fat models they all found it i mean because i know she has she has her act we were also just having conversations on podcasts about it yeah and uh you know my my thing was i go you know every everybody has a a a preference for whatever their standard of beauty that part i'm fine with but my case was that when people go you shouldn't talk about um body types or people's bodies i'm like what are you talking about what about bert but what are we what are you talking about because we all talk about other people's bodies you do it in your head you do it to you like you do it to yourself you say it to yourself you say it to your friends it's part of the way our brains are organized is that you have a commentary
about the attraction level of somebody else 100 i mean it's always done even the people who lecture you about it those people will still if you walked away with one of them and they're like hey have you seen so and so they're like yeah i don't know what's going on with it until she gets over 260 i think she goes too far yeah they would still comment about it and it's like now the funny thing is to me is if you go like well i'm a model okay so you signed up to have your photo taken because you go i want my picture out there to show what i am you have to be open to any criticism about it just like if i sign up to say things i'm open to the criticism of of you commenting on what i say you can tell me i suck and i'm not funny like i have to be able to accept that because it's what i signed up for yes so you signed up to be a model it is open season it is fair game to say whatever about the way you look so i just i don't i don't embrace the idea that you can't comment about the way somebody looks who signed up for hey look at my looks that's their 100 yeah no no we fans are butts i said it i'm much more rude things i should be clear i wasn't this eloquent about it i was like you know i i want to see beautiful by my standards yeah uh women and [ __ ] it even guys like if if you're a guy in your model i want you to have almost an unattainable body right because that's like i go that's a model like he's got a six-pack and he's [ __ ] you know beautiful skin and you know like that that guy got the gift those are his gifts he's genetically gifted to look like that the woman that like you know we grew up with the sports illustrated swimsuit issue and you would see just stunning women they're 10 out of 11 out of 10's you go yeah i don't even see a woman that looks like this ever walking around right the standard of beauty and that was your introduction to like almost fantasy uh getting into sex right because you're like probably a young teen and you're like what the [ __ ] is this like elle mcpherson you're like i've never seen a woman like this before
and then i go you know i enjoy that personally as the standard of models yeah so for me i don't know you have a [ __ ] a model that looks like she's the long snapper for the colts like i'm gonna say hey i don't think you're a model i think you know i think you should dig ditches or something i don't know i just feel like it's fair to say that you look like that you're not my kind of model i don't i don't like the way your body looks but i mean it depends on what you're doing the problem is the sports illustrated swimsuit issue has always been beautiful women yeah with great bodies yeah exactly that's the whole idea behind the swimsuit ishin edition it's almost it's a fantasy level yeah they're just like you literally could go to 100 beaches all over the world you'd never see a woman that looks like this or you might see one maybe and go wow look at her look what the [ __ ] is that like when you go to a beach and there's always a guy on the beach that's just jacked shredded you're like wow you prepared for the beach buddy yeah way to go all year was today yeah you deserve it yeah as you're walking around strutting your stuff like a peacock yeah and keep going back and forth show us how to walk around the pool a few times yeah yeah let it out let it out buddy i remember we were in phoenix once for a show and we're hanging out at the pool at the w hotel and this [ __ ] guy walked by and he had like four percent body fat and he was like 250 pounds he was the most ridiculous human being i'd ever seen outside of a gym i was like dude and uh i was with eddie bravo like look at this [ __ ] yeah that [ __ ] looks good yeah exactly you go like he was he was just like dang dang dang just shredded everywhere he looked like he was so excited to be at a place where he could take his shirt off yeah good for him and the criticism is when you when you showcase that and celebrate that that you're endorsing unattainable body types and you're making people feel bad about their body and i just don't
believe that i just don't believe it i believe that you know y'all we all have choices and yes we're all built different we have different genetics but i don't believe that having this incredible freak be the model is uh negative for society i don't think that that's true it's not negative it puts a lot of pressure on people sure they try to look better but so what yeah but that's what i'm saying why is that a problem well competition is a part of everything there's intellectual competition when someone achieves a nobel prize is that uh an unattainable level of intellect that other people can't achieve and you shouldn't flaunt that with awards yeah you should i mean what do we do when someone achieves like jeff bezos levels of wealth is that an unattainable version of wealth that we shouldn't he shouldn't be allowed to have a yacht that's [ __ ] 60 000 feet high like what do we do there's people that definitely say that yeah but why it's like this is the same participation trophy crowd like it is you know what i mean yeah it bothers me it irritates me that um that people feel like you know well you work really hard it's one of the reason why it bothers you yeah because it's like that applies to a lot of other things too sure that applies to wealth you know when people love to talk about income inequality which is a real thing but you know what it's also a real thing effort inequality sure there's not equal levels of effort that's true there's a lot of people that are [ __ ] lazy there are a lot whatever reasons maybe they have hormonal imbalances and depression and low levels of serotonin and dopamine i don't know but and to be fair there's people who work really really really hard and you know barely get by there's tons of people like that sure true sure because it's a game and you can't just run full blast yeah like sometimes you gotta juke left and go right yeah sometimes you get a fake you gotta figure out what your strategy is it's yeah it is a game yeah and people throw off speed pitches sure you got to figure that out yeah and some people really figure it out and some people [ __ ] don't and they just wind up busting their ass 12 hours a day and
they're always poor yeah and it sucks but the game is not set up for everybody to just do the best they can and succeed beyond their wildest dreams that's not how it works like you have to think your way through it i got a high school teacher who was kind of a [ __ ] weirdo he was an odd guy history teacher but one thing that he said he goes this world is not set up for hard work because this world is set up for hard thinking he goes if you think hard and it requires you to work hard as well that's one thing but just working hard is not enough anymore this is like 1983. wow yeah that's pretty relaxing yeah i remember him saying that hard thinking and i was like he's right because like you could like work hard but go down the wrong path and then you gotta back up and start from scratch because everybody's way ahead of you a lot of people who are you know incredibly successful who just have minds yeah that are they figure things out yeah they just have a higher like their ability to see the things and um plan and yeah execute just it kind of topples it you know there's people who come up with some business ideas that you're going like how the [ __ ] did you see this and they're in the office like 16 hours a day and they're sleeping on the like elon yeah sleeping on the floor the factory while he's trying to get the production up like that's not a normal person no of course not no he's also very um people like that are they're solution oriented minds you know they look at the world they go here's problems how can we how can we solve these problems yeah it's not fair like people's minds aren't like everybody's mind is different like you like for whatever reason whether it's a biological issue it's life experience a combination of the things there's a lot going on with what makes a person make choices and there's also like things that people are happy with like i have an uncle who's an artist and he like paints on driftwood and [ __ ] like he doesn't give a [ __ ] about money really yeah he's not really interested in money he's never i've met people like
that yeah he's just interested in like art and he's like really calm and we like like talk slow and really peaceful and kind of envious in a way of you know like having the mentality of that i'm not motivated by any material things or like you know obtaining more or succeeding in that way where they're fulfilled yeah or you feel fulfilled just by the art itself you know i guess yeah i mean i'm it's not who i am yeah i'm not i'm not ashamed of it i need constant stimulation so i'm not envious of it like my brain it just needs stimulation whether it's documentaries or physical acts or yeah i need uh i need projects i need things to go out you know like write a book yeah yeah and then the book's done you're like what's next so i shot this thing i told you i wrote and shot this like basically an episode of my own show yeah because that was like i need i need that to feel creatively fulfilled right and then there's business attached to it but it's not in the you know i didn't write this to make money it was like i need a project i have to be you know and then it's like you're not doing that work on your hour get it special shoot the special let's work on another one i need that type of thing going yeah well you know one of the things that i really realized while we were doing the sober october thing is how much you can actually do if you have to do it like like when you know when you have to do x amount of yoga classes in a month you make sure you do them yeah and then you realize i could have always done this yes but the community pressure helps oh 100 that's really that and the goal the goal helps but the competition helps too but one thing i would never do again is the fitness challenge i would never do that again that was too much yeah everybody kind of went dark after a while ah well when burt was talking [ __ ] yeah yeah and i was like you're gonna die yeah i'm gonna take you into deep water i'm gonna [ __ ] drown you you told me that you started that you
went dark and started thinking about like fights oh yeah i started thinking about fighting again yeah just because of like that that flip was like switched right it brought me flipped yeah the switch was flipped it brought me back to that weird mentality that i had when i was fighting whereas like you could never do enough you had to do more and you had to be thinking about it all the time and it became this obsessive competition and then it was also the thing about people with numbers is when you're looking at everyone else's numbers right because we were doing this my zones thing so you have a chest strap heart rate monitor that you're wearing and it attaches to this app which is pretty clever app and the app registers eighty percent above uh eighty percent of your max heart rate is yellow and then when you get into red which is uh ninety percent of your max heart rate you're getting like three points yeah there's a point system and then green would be like 70 was it like a minute three points a minute or something something like that yeah something crazy like that and then green is like very easy yeah like but you only get a point yeah you only get a point yeah but when sweet spot was getting those two points i think yeah try to sustain that yes that was a sweet sweet point but the thing is like seeing other people's scores and knowing that you had to beat their score yeah that's when it gets crazy yeah of course i think that's what people get with money that's why those billionaire dudes are always like jocking for position absolutely yeah they see those numbers and forbes and [ __ ] the two my two favorite stories about that um about being recognized for your wealth are uh prince uh uh also we also weed i think this damn i might be mispronouncing it my apologies prince your highness um and trump they both have like really well documented beefs with forbes for uh not for forbes under reporting their wealth they claim you know did you ever hear the recording of when trump called a reporter and pretended he worked for trump yeah yeah oh yeah and was saying that trump's wealth is far more than it's being
reported and he talked about um fine his dating options he's got a lot you know he's single now he's dating he's got a lot of options but it's so obviously him on the phone and it's john barron yeah something like that and then he named his son most reasons well he wants to be a baron yeah [ __ ] loves that name he's so transparent but the conversation on the phone is wild it's so funny because then you know they played that for him in an interview for him yeah what did he say not me that's the way he handles [ __ ] don't need to yeah by the way that guy's right yeah yeah the uh i'd like to hire that guy the prince ended up suing forbes first he sent him that he sent the next year like a leather-bound custom you know like attache with all his reported holdings and he's like this is my actual wealth and forbes like they went through it and they go no it's not you know i mean they were saying you know for instance you're worth 12 billion you're saying 20. and it's we don't see it we we checked it out he was furious furious that wild yeah i'm going to sue you that's wild donald trump uses the pseudonym john barron throughout the 1980s yeah i hope this plays it i don't yeah let's see back in the 1980s this john barron guy was one of his publicists he was the go-to guy to to get you know trump goods let [Music] and he would say well you know i'm just calling for donald and and i need to tell you the story and i'd like to talk to you off the record if i can just to make your thing easier [Laughter] there's almost a part of you that goes it's it's just hilarious and someone doesn't give a [ __ ] that much if he wasn't an existential threat to democracy yeah and the the the power that he wields over his minions wasn't just so disturbing it would be hilarious if he wasn't in line for president if he was just a baller remember when he was in all the rap videos oh yeah rap uh songs they were
always referencing trump he's a man when i was a kid he was just a symbol of wealth yeah right so yeah it would he would be in movies to do he'd do cameos he was in home alone yeah they cut him out they cut him out of the new version they cut him out of the old version stop yes in canada in canada when they play home alone trump is no longer in home alone this is hilarious really yup canada is communist canada's crazy they're [ __ ] they're [ __ ] they gotta get rid of that guy how much time does he have i feel like he's been prime minister for a while am i wrong i don't know i don't know how their system works up there i've zero understanding of their system yeah i never looked into it at all i just i didn't even i just liked him i liked him before trudeau yeah yeah i was like he's a handsome guy yeah seems sweet yeah you know it's like good good looking guy confident good talker yeah and then during the pandemic i'm like oh you're a [ __ ] dictator yeah oh you don't like criticism you're trying to shut down criticism by saying that all your critics are misogynists and racists yeah who said that about the trucking people the truckers he called them call them all misogynists and racists yeah he's gross he's a sketchy guy yeah and he's got some [ __ ] shaky deals i would like to see like where the money is coming from like why why do you want everybody to get injected every four months they don't need that anymore like what are we doing what are you doing you can't even get into canada unless you're vaccinated can't get in no make sure that's true because someone just told me whitney just told me she wanted to show her [ __ ] vaccination card to get into canada that seems it's a little adds up for old yeah this is where it's 2022. it's not 2019. you know where it it still feels um because i think things sway there so aggressively when thing when something happens um where it feels like you're like wait what time is it right now is in new york i was just in new york oh yeah everywhere everyone was massed up everywhere i was like what's going on
why are everyone still messed up they're scared we live here it's a different place like everybody here said well i hope i don't get sick take care of yourself do your best get medicine if you get sick yeah but new york is it it was strange i was there two weeks ago it's bizarre yeah it's very bizarre it's very bizarre they they still wear masks indoors [ __ ] ali wong was wearing a mask at your party i kept talking to her and giving her [ __ ] she would take the mask off to say something louder and then she put it back on you really think that's working shows i don't want to talk about it [Laughter] she's great i love her border restrictions to enter canada extend until at least september 30th yeah september 30th really [ __ ] out of here listen man yeah if there wasn't money involved in this if this was just a public health decision i would be way less cynical yeah but there's a lot of money involved in this there's a lot of shady deals with pharmaceutical companies pharmaceutical companies are responsible for 75 of all advertisements on television that's a really astonishing number it's astonishing and this is one of two countries in the world that even allow pharmaceutical companies to advertise on television god damn the other one is new zealand but new zealand has far more restrictive laws yeah we are buck wild captured by an industry that makes great drugs some of the stuff they make is i'm not anti-pharmaceutical sure lifestyle yeah all of it there's a lot of great stuff life-saving life enhancing but it's corporation and corporations they revolve around mass amounts of money they want to make more money every quarter it's a constant endless growth cycle and they just had their biggest [ __ ] years ever the last two years of pumping out vaccines were their biggest [ __ ] money makers ever and they have no liability which is really wild like all the other stuff like vioxx which wound up killing 60 000 people and
they had all this [ __ ] data that showed that it was bad for you yeah and they still they i had um what was his name john abramson on the podcast who litigated against the pharmaceutical companies for that yeah and he got the internal memos where they were saying there's all these issues blood clotting cardiovascular issues but he goes which is unfortunate but we will do well with this meaning we will do well financially oh right so they're going to release it knowing that all these people are going to have all these problems yeah and people are just [ __ ] stroking out left and right yeah i mean what is the the revenue on a merc or pfizer yearly it's gotta be astonishing numbers what he said about i'm gonna maybe [ __ ] these up but it's roughly in the neighborhood of these numbers with um this vioxx thing they made 12 billion god and then they were fined 5 billion so they killed 60 000 people yeah and they were fined 5 billion but they profited all the rest sure they profited more than they were fined yeah so they've made seven billion dollars they're like yeah but it should be 12. so yeah we got robbed we got robbed they took our money that's really crazy we need more money that's really crazy it's crazy but that's how those corporations exist that is brigham used to be a pharmaceutical rep yeah you ever want to get cynical about pharmaceutical drug companies talk to brigham well it really really reminds me when you talk about the mentality it really is like drug dealer mentality yes you know it is but it's sanctioned heroin and coke dealers would be like yeah people died but i made a [ __ ] fortune yeah yeah yeah don't take as much yeah what are you doing what are you doing why are you getting so high but with the vioxx it wasn't even that it was just people taking the normal dose and killing them stroking out yeah yeah it's not good man that's not good but the thing is it's like there's a long history of them doing that in this country so to give them these con these companies that have had the worst records as far as knowing that things were bad releasing them anyway
and then getting fined for them like pfizer got what is it was that the biggest fine ever in the history of uh medical fines for pharmaceutical companies i mean they've been fined billions and billions of dollars yeah and everybody's like yeah but so what yeah they don't do that anymore they're good now yeah same [ __ ] people well think about how what that lobbying group is like oh like the pfizer merc lobby yes the 501 was for a it was a criminal fine whereas the other ones are like settlements are so okay so galaxo smith klein three billion dollar settlement god the largest civil false claims act settlement on record and pfizer's 2.3 billion 3.5 billion in 2022 settlement included a record-breaking 1.3 billion criminal fine but the fines for vioxx were larger than that so how does that work what was the amount of fine for list of the largest pharmaceutical settlements look at this sharing plow settlement 345 million and that was uh medicare fraud and kickbacks and that was for claritin no [ __ ] claritin yeah there's a lot of dirty fines man yeah um vioxx yeah let's see what vioxx could find huh um unlocks the promotion of viax it says 950 million but i think they got it was more than that maybe there's other [ __ ] maybe there's more than one ruling about it because so many people died god damn yeah it's spooky stuff because you know on one hand you need pharmaceutical drugs like they're really good for certain ailments and illnesses and they save people's lives like some of them yeah but they're just trying to make money they are of course yeah you can get away with and the thing is if something does produce a lot of money you'll always be able to keep making it yeah that industry will not die if it's a massive producer of revenue you should read if you really want to get grossed out read the real
anthony fauci the real anthony's called the real anthony fauci by uh robert kennedy jr really yeah it details like all of his uh involvement in azt with the hiv crisis in the 80s 80s yeah azt was killing people way quicker than than aids was and killing it was they were using as a chemotherapy drug before that yeah it was killing they shelled it because it was just killing people it destroys dna and he was pushing it oh yeah yeah and they were giving people in this in the trials they were giving people blood transfusions the people in the uh the trials that got azt that got six times more blood transfusions than the people that were in the control wow it the whole thing is the book is why would you podcast with him it's it's super political and very i i would endorse reading the book i don't know what criticisms of the book exist i would have to read the criticisms of the book like there's a lot with things like that because like obviously it's outside of my area of expertise but you sit with him though would you talk with him on a podcast i would think about it yeah he's very hard to listen to he really ironically not maybe not ironically but he has a really [ __ ] up voice because he was injured by a vaccine really yeah yeah he took a vaccine he had a very bad reaction to the vaccine and it affected his voice it [ __ ] his did something to his vocal cords i didn't know that yeah that's why he talks like have you ever heard him talk yeah you know yeah i guess i i didn't really i guess it didn't register as that strange of a voice to me i've heard him i've heard him speak before he's a very rough voice he struggles with words i saw him he was getting into it with uh what's it called paul um the kentucky senator rand paul i think so i think they were go they were going at it robert kennedy junior and rand paul you sure wasn't fouchy and rand paul no it's fouchy and ron paul yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah were you saying i'm talking faucio yeah faucio oh yeah if you wanted to come in for three hours yeah [ __ ] yeah that's what i was talking about
[ __ ] yeah come on in little fella come have a seat wow he's sick again with covid fauci is right now yep yeah he's having what's called a pax levid rebound fauci says he's taking second course of pax of it after experiencing rebound rebound with the antiviral treatment fauci said that when he first tested positive he had very very minimal system symptoms so he had minimal symptoms he took paxolvid he uh tested negative and then it came back and then coveted came back harder so now he's experiencing much worse symptoms so it's like a second round that he's getting that is or is it that it kind of suppressed it for a moment and then it just came back i really don't know yeah i mean he's old too he's a one is he 81 oh yeah he is 81 do you think pax levitt is legit or no i don't know i don't know i mean it's an antiviral i mean i don't tested negative for three consecutive days he decided to take one more test found themselves positive okay so it was what i'd like to know is is he taking um iv vitamins because iv vitamins are [ __ ] fantastic for it that's what i gave my parents when when my parents had it yeah i got my parents on iv vitamins and um monoclonal antibodies that that stuff is super effective that's what saved trump i mean you got to remember trump is fat and old yeah and four days after it he was like campaigning and [ __ ] waving at people for four days that's pretty impressive that's when i lost all my fear of the drug of the disease when he i was like i just need to get what that guy got yeah i'm [ __ ] good yeah he's eating kfc every day and [ __ ] that guy hasn't run in 25 years he thinks of his body like a battery and he thinks that you exercise you you lose energy one thing that is incredible about that guy is that you know i'm saying even when you when you watch him as president he was full of [ __ ] energy full of it every day and they said he slept like four hours a night he's one of those people son adderall god do you think he's on adderall yes i do be only because there were multiple people who used to
work on the apprentice that were like he was [ __ ] gassed up for shoots really yeah because he has trouble reading he doesn't he he he would trust he would struggle to read prompter or script when he was just let's say sober so they would give him that and he would dial in more on reading because he gets he gets very bored they said you know he would get bored at the c.i.a briefing in the mornings he was like i don't want to read that there's a daily briefing you get as president he's like you [ __ ] read it and then tell me and if it's boring so they would have to make it more engaging for him because i heard that they would put his name in briefings multiple times to keep him interested and then kushner you know his son-in-law yeah said that he came up with a formula uh to keep him engaged yes because you know he obviously was close to him and knew him well and the formula was um like two good one bad so if they were gonna give him bad news they could go you start with some good news so they go this is going well everybody's thrilled with you about this here's a bad thing also people love you for this so that's how you that's how they would tell them bad news they couldn't just go here's a bunch of badges of course yeah he's a man baby he's a [ __ ] toddler yeah he's a toddler that's exactly how i talk to my kids we played the video yesterday of uh kanye sitting in the white house talking to him just ranting about stuff about other galaxies and alternative universes and john's like yeah he's like how about this guy this guy's great i don't know what the [ __ ] he's saying but but he's just letting him rant yeah yeah well his own thing like it was very simple too he goes do you like me yeah that was it that was the standard yeah it's [ __ ] hilarious it is hilarious dana white who i love yeah he's really good friends with him yeah he likes him a lot it's a very very funny relationship but trump came to one of the ufc's i was at that one yeah you
were there we came over and shook my hand was that vegas i believe it was new york wasn't it no no i don't know where it was it was vegas was it it was vegas because i remember no it was madison square garden he came to one in madison square garden because i remember he was there and there the security was off the charts it was hard to get into the building no he came to a different one he came to two one you were there that was vegas i didn't meet him that time that was when he was president the other one was after he was president the one that i met the one that i met him the one i was at was there he is t-mobile arena vegas yes see that one yes you're right that one he came and there's maz vidal mozzarella likes him too i remember this he came in that's right he came and sat down and everybody cheered i remember las vegas metro uh police back in the tunnel yeah where um [Music] i normally if i'm if i went with you to one of these you know they're just like yeah go where you want you know right and they were like where the [ __ ] do you think you're going i was like i'm going over here they're like no you're not yeah yeah hilarious is that a melania standing that's who's that mod who's that that's his gum oh my goodness you know what i'm saying oh no that's that dude's wife listen that's what you think the guy i don't like how is she smiling in the back old guy he seems a little happy to be there maybe that's his that is [ __ ] pieces like this nice side piece gotta have a little piece on the side some guys have a side piece [ __ ] if you're uh if you own a casino you do yeah i um i can't keep my main piece happy how do you keep a side piece out i mean it's hard your main piece seems pretty happy to me she's very happy i can't keep her happy i shouldn't say that she's great but what i could say is like it's a lot of effort and engaging it's like i'm very happy she's great my wife is great but i mean there's they i couldn't imagine
being one of those guys that has like side wives but these this world is a different world well that world they want side worlds they want side girls and they a lot of these guys like super billionaire characters like him they don't have just they have like a whole separate world yeah like that girl set up in a mansion somewhere that woman that beautiful woman that was walking in is with that older guy behind her and he oh you know that he's a billionaire casino owner nice yeah the guy with the glasses let me see him again let me see him again yeah because i like when a really old [ __ ] up look yeah i can get a [ __ ] nice that guy is a billionaire he's a billionaire nice one for sure nice forget his name um i think silver something i like it when those relationships that guy with the glasses and he's like 85. perfect yeah that's his wife walking in front of him yes she's trying to get closer to trump that's him yeah that's what i think she's like look at she's many steps ahead that guy is a billionaire where are you going but it's like that's part of the thing like you don't want guys like that are very rarely single and not interested in sure right yeah it's like part of the whole thing is they're conquerors conquerors they want to conquer business they want to take over this they want the biggest shot and they want hot broads and they want everybody to see them look at that one that's mine that's mine look at them yeah look at them tits i suck at them and it has a shelf life this is not forever right it's always about like this was a a fun run yeah you hit 40 yeah 40. 33. 33. trump's best friend billionaire casino mogul phil ruffin shares a hidden jackpot sees a hidden jackpot in the pandemic ah look at him oh yeah smiley yeah i like to shoot loads so once you take you want a meme take that picture let me see that picture again yeah there he is and just right under it i like to shoot loads i think that's gonna happen i think that's good i think you're gonna get your wish that's what he likes yeah
look at me i got a [ __ ] casino i got my own jets i got jets not one jet i got the big jet i got the little jet have you ever stayed at the trump hotel in vegas i have not i'm tempted to just to see what's up just to see what's up yeah i'm gonna go in there with a maga hat on see what the [ __ ] is going on it's because i i never know who's staying there yeah who's staying there you know no it's uh i don't know i mean he's probably got because a lot of it is licensing too look at that there you go she's happy alexandra she's covered oh represented ukraine in the 2004 do you feel like everyone's stopped just talking about this war now uh it's still actively going still actively going on yeah ukraine makes some hot [ __ ] bro they sure do tell you that yeah when i was a young man i dated a gal that was from the ukraine and she was [ __ ] wild yeah wild a little scary yeah i'm scared was she a little scary a little scary yeah a little scary like she would get angry out of nowhere and i was like hey hey hey where's this coming from what i'm sorry yeah sorry i just sometimes they don't see you and i think maybe you [ __ ] other girls and i want to kill you like oh okay okay she was probably a good time there's a disproportionate amount of very pretty girls from russia for some strange reason yeah i mean uh great genes uh czech republic oh yeah um hungary um slovenia that whole eastern bloc do you know eric sanders from the ufc i doubt he's a top flight middleweight dude who's a really fun guy who's here the other day but he's talking about uh going over there to like the you know that part of the world and no one was smiling he opened up doors for people and they're looking i'm like what the [ __ ] are you doing yeah like there's no one was like happy he said i didn't see anybody smiling and he was like what is the courting routines like over here like how do you meet somebody sure how do you show your personality your charm is there any of that like what do they do i remember
when i met um christina's uh mother-in-law who's hungarian um she was like smiling look you look like clown i was like oh i am a clown smile i'm like okay oh boy yeah very like hard hard yeah yeah well you'll see too i mean like putin for years if it's a you know a pose something for the press you don't go like right like that because they'd be like why are you being all goofy that's the russian mentality is something are you are you a goofy [ __ ] guy you're you're a powerful guy right so you you have a stoic you're a no [ __ ] guy yeah no [ __ ] i mean every pose is very stan you know he imagines he's trying to stand up in russia yeah i know [ __ ] yeah i think all the jokes you've told about presidents and politicians and i think also if you said something that just bothered the state and they're like we want to talk to you for a second isn't ironic that edward snowden exposes the united states exposes this like deep underlying surveillance system that is essentially monitoring everybody and violating all of our constitutional rights and he gets kicked out of the country and he goes to russia yeah and russia takes a minute celebrates he's happy over there yeah fine in russia yeah you know well that's but that's of course deliberate on their point to be like we took your clearly yeah but still wild yeah because he went from one you know which you know the way they treated him the way they treat him the way they treat julian assange you could absolutely make the argument that this is an authoritarian state and he leaves here to a far worse one yeah and there he's protected how about uh brittany griner crazy isn't that insane did we just talked about that yesterday that poor woman she's every poor woman she's there for another six months before before because you know
there's all those court um rulings at all charade you know it's just done to yeah they want uh exchange for this arms dealer they have this arms dealer who's like famous for just like what do you need you need nukes i get your looks yeah there's no problem there's no problem have you ever seen operation odessa that was a documentary on netflix i feel like i did start that dude really it's amazing it's amazing and then in it there's this one guy they're drug smugglers this one guy wants to get a submarine and uh he's talking to the guy selling them in the submarine and the guy said the guy says uh do you need nukes he he like he offers them nuclear missiles to go with the submarine do you want chips with that like that do you want guacamole yeah sure do a nuclear weapon it's a great documentary because it's almost seems like it's fake but everything in it is documented these are real people that i'm reading that uh the headline that says you know selling um the sub to a coke dealer and you know that's a big thing now with the cartels cokes yeah subs yeah they bring in tons you ever you ever see the coast guard um pull those guys over no they jump on top of the [ __ ] submarine and they're banging on the hatch really yeah scary [ __ ] it's wild i mean imagine if you what you're thinking at this these guys they get to the sub they jump off they find this sub there they jump off and they [ __ ] land on it and they start banging on the on the submarine like look how crazy these guys are that is crazy because you know animals nothing but machine guns down there too look at them banging on it meanwhile these guys are hopped up on steroids and america yeah they got red white and blue flowing through their [ __ ] veins let's go oh look at that he's opening up guns blazing get out yeah at that point you should really open up the hatch and get the [ __ ] out of there you got a lot of problems up top yeah you got a lot of problems good not good because they
might just start shooting holes in that yeah they shoot holes in that thing you're going under so yeah yeah yeah that's gotta be so [ __ ] terrifying imagine being underwater in a [ __ ] tube knowing what you're doing too knowing that you're trafficking coke oh yeah but how about just any time being underwater in a sub well yeah of course there's no windows no and they're also have you ever taken a tour of a sub they're so much smaller than you think everything yeah but that one when you're [ __ ] small right but i'm saying even i've been on a tour of one where even when you go hey we're going from this area to that area the like the door frame used to go sideways you know they're they're they're small look at this that's not a big thing like that submarine right yeah that's a small that is a small one do you think those guys pinch a little that coke give me a little taste for the boys we're gonna have a we caught the coke dealer party these are just giant bundles of coke i know and every time they pull it up the [ __ ] sub goes higher and you know the cartel guys are like good then now they're distracted by they think this is a big win right now send the big sub exactly exactly the big sub's underneath them right now yeah it's got 500 million dollars of poke on it yeah unreal it our appetite for coke is our hotel got into avocado business you know about that what the cause the avocado started to the price of it started to go up and the cartels just took over some avocado farms they're like we're doing this now too really mexican drug cartels are getting into the avocado and lime business yeah as soon as that price went up they're like this is a pretty good business to be in too well we [ __ ] up we [ __ ] up by not seeing this coming because the same thing happened during prohibition with alcohol and that led to the rise of the italian mafia taking over organized crime in america i mean that was al capone and all people they came up during prohibition whenever you have something that's of high demand but it's illegal the people that sell it are criminals yeah and so they make a
lot of money and they don't have to pay taxes on it because that's not real and they're criminals yeah and especially if they're in mexico they're paying [ __ ] mexico the cartels are so set remember when they got el chapo's son they got his son yep yeah the police did they police it and the cartel came with tanks and anti-aircraft weapons and like rocket launchers yeah and the government was like take them back because they were covered they were coming at him like this is wore down yeah they were terrified yeah the the cartel has way more money than the government and way more weapons down there and they'll do things the government won't like kill your whole family yeah and stab notes into them yeah yeah [ __ ] wild it's wild and it's right there dude you could drive from san diego you can walk so close it's so close you could swim over you could just swim around that little barrier yeah i mean the barrier between the united states and mexico at the water is hilarious have you ever seen it it's a goofy little fence about the size of your book that like sticks out into the water and all you have to do is go around it and then you're in you're in yeah all you have to do is like have scuba gear get in the water swim around over here start walking it's crazy it's the nuttiest [ __ ] ever see if we can find the fence at the beach look at oh that's it that's it that's it that's real but who's that's real no one's like posted up there like look at how [ __ ] goofy that is so that is the other side there is that's mexico that's where they have bullfights it's a bullfighter they have a bullfight thing right there is that uh tijuana this is hilarious it's hilarious dude that's like a park so you could literally go like i'm now in mexico uh eddie bravo was uh talking he and i were hanging out the other day and um he was telling me about uh we have a good friend um our ed clay that i've known for a long time ed clay runs a um stem cell clinic in tijuana and he's like the area of tijuana that has you would think you're in l.a because it's really nice there's like there's nice
parts of tijuana there's terrible parts of tijuana sure and you go down there and they can like juice you up with like ungodly amounts of stem cells they can do all kinds of wild [ __ ] down there that they're not allowed to do in america like they can take stem cells and multiply them and then they're giving you iv stem cells and but so many people that i've known that have gone down there have had incredibles including eric anders who was here the other day that i was telling you about yeah he went down there for stuff with his neck and he's like his neck was [ __ ] he goes now my neck is great you know his moves good but he got real high dosage stuff yeah they're going into the discs they're just he said it felt like this was like like his neck extended one dead 13 rescued in large scale attempt to swim around the u.s mexico border fence huh what tried to do it oh you got fat people that were drunk 70 migrants from the water trying to swim to border field state park in san diego listen i can do that i will guarantee you i could swim around that i'm not the best swimmer yeah i could [ __ ] swim around yeah i think i could swim around people are dying swimming around that they should have prepared they probably don't swim yeah they probably don't swim at all i don't swim at all obviously there's also nothing nothing like even if you've i guess swam my whole life you know i mean not like an active swimmer but i mean always you know i was a little kid on the swim team and you know always in pools swimming there's nothing that quite prepares you for what ocean swimming is like unless you've been accustomed to it it's a different animal it is so much scarier yeah and if there's a real like waves like a real tide coming in like it is the the most panic i've ever felt i think is twice in the ocean really yes once i didn't realize i was in maui and i rented a car and we drove to a beach i forget where
and when i when i got there it was um you know there's no one on this beach like oh this looks [ __ ] rad and the the shore was like at a decline oh you know like a little heavy undertow yeah and i go i'm just gonna go in and it started to pull me back you know and i was like i just felt that panic where you go like don't panic too hard you're trying to keep yourself calm yeah and i was able to i wasn't far out too far out where i was able to get my footing swim and then like power through it and get out and i was like holy [ __ ] that was terrifying and when i got back to the hotel is when i talked to one of the staff and i was like yeah you know i got in the water there and they're like you got in the water there i go yeah they go oh yeah you'll drown there like no one's supposed to swim there i go yeah there's nobody there yeah because you'll drown you'll die there how about a sign yeah nothing nothing about that and once was in florida where i got caught in a riptide or a current that was just pulling me back and i remember you know there were other people in other parts of the water but i kept going back and i remember seeing a lifeguard he was up in the thing and he came down and and he started to walk towards me and i was going back further and i remember being like you got to be [ __ ] me and i kept swimming swimming and i and then i just go like okay don't resist here so i let it take me a little bit i think i just kind of got out of it and again i got footing and i was just powering as hard as i could to get out and he gave me he goes like thumbs up and i go i i waited a second and i gave him a thumbs up and then i got out and i was like almost hyperventilating i was like he goes yeah you got caught man huh because it kind of freaked me out i go i kind of i go i was a second from waving you in fitz him and saved a woman's life on vacation really yup he was on vacation and he noticed this woman was caught in a tide and she was
swimming and and he noticed that no one was noticing it and he's like oh my god and he had a split-second decision that he had to make because greg's not the biggest guy in the world and people do drown when you're trying to rescue them totally drown rescuing people and so he's there with his [ __ ] family and he's like [ __ ] i can't just watch this and he jumps in the water and he saves this girl's life in the ocean yeah in the ocean i saw my dad save someone's life on vacation when i was like eight years old yeah we went on a uh he just took me like father-son trip we went to a hotel it was like orlando and it had us a water slide but i still remember even before this happened that uh the water that pushed you pushed you off the slide was high powered you know so when you got to the bottom of it it buried you oh you know and as a little kid i was like holy [ __ ] that's so strong and you know i think i did it maybe twice and i was kind of scared to do it again because it just it kept pushing it pushed you too hard into the water and i was standing around the pool and then i saw my dad dive in he saw that there was a woman just at the bottom of the pool stuck just laying i think she was oh she went out she went out did you see that girl went out swimming the other day in a swim meet no in the middle of a swim meet she blacks out and the swim coach dives in to rescue her holy [ __ ] that's video of it dude i saw my dad pull this girl out of the water oh jesus was he unconscious yes did he know cpr no somebody else jumped in for that and then um but you know he pulled her out and then she would like contact for years like send cards and all this stuff you know yeah that's cool yeah so this was at a swim meet though yeah yeah look at her holy [ __ ] yeah that's the coach obviously yeah so she's in i mean crazy she's in the middle of swimming and she just it's so much effort she blacks out oh yeah i see usa stuff which is crazy because she's an elite
athlete she's elite yeah but you know like nobody more comfortable in a pool right look at that she's out cold that's so crazy yeah but the thing is it's like when you are at that level you are pushing yourself so [ __ ] hard yeah you know i mean you are giving these swimmers are such savages savages yeah savages thank god the [ __ ] swim whatever it is the governing body is no longer allowing trans women to compete against biological women is that ruled on now yes the governing body of swimming whatever the body is find out what the ruling is but you have to have transitioned before you were 12. so you have no hormones that are oh i got you didn't go through puberty which is fair it's basically a leah thomas ruling right yes or anybody like her right but i mean it's because that became such a huge topic yeah yeah and should be it's [ __ ] crazy yeah she was 462 and as a male and number one as a woman first it was a rugby union now's the swimming june 19th the federation international fina swimming's global governing body ruled that transgender women i.e biological males who consider themselves women would not be allowed to compete in women's elite races if they have gone through male puberty great two days later international rugby league said it would not allow transgender women to play in the international rugby games because there's a woman that plays in australia that's a trans woman that's 240 pounds and built like the hulk yeah and just running people over [ __ ] people you know what's funny is that people um they their reaction to criticizing that it's almost like they think because you're critical of that that you're not um empathetic in any way or compassionate way and i think it's it's almost like you need to like they need to hear you state that of course you're um [Music] yes it's real that's real that's real yeah that's him her that they them whatever but it's insane it's a huge person i think it's just it's like you're not rational that's not rational at all if you go
but i the fact that you can be labeled as transphobic because you say that a 21 year old who transitions from man to woman shouldn't be allowed to compete in something physical because it it just seems so obvious i mean i get the criticism where they go what do you want this woman to do she's a woman now and so it wants to compete and i understand like that point of view but it is totally logical to say all these physical biological advantages that you have as a man should not just be transplanted into the female because of course of course have you ever seen the conversation that i had with adam conover do you know who he is he's a i guess he's kind of a comic i've never seen him do stand up but i guess i remember this adam ruins everything yeah yeah i remember that he came on and he was just like of course right like yes they should it is watching someone who has like almost a religious belief like a wild crazy religious belief get confronted by scientific facts yeah objective reality and still doesn't and he's just stammering and falling apart and trying to hold on to his woke ideology i mean it's wild yeah it's just because he's a nice guy yes just because he's like a very sensitive very progressive guy but also captivated by woke ideology but i don't see how somebody i mean how do you look at that and not think women are getting [ __ ] yeah that's what i'm saying how do you how do you not how do you see that and go like well that's just you don't see the huge the crazy advantage that they i mean look he was 462 which is he's an elite male swimmer yeah number 462 you're elite though you're beating the [ __ ] out of regular 99.99 yeah definitely better than us [ __ ] yeah and then you just transition you go like that's that makes sense or in rugby right it doesn't make you gonna absolutely decapitate somebody or an mma none of those things make sense no it's it's so silly that this is a an argument yes well it shows you how
crazy this ideology is yeah i mean whatever you want to call it whether you want to call it woke ideology progressive ideology that there's an insanity to it because it doesn't have anything to do with objective reality and there's a lot of feminist women like my friend megan murphy who [ __ ] push back against it hard because she's saying these are not women and you're treating them like women and they're dominating women's spaces and they're doing it like men yeah like it's she's like if you want to call yourself with this or that or you want to identify as that or this that's great that's great yeah that's right you are 100 within your rights to do that there's a giant difference between doing that and then claiming that you can compete as a woman it's [ __ ] insane madness madness again you know if you got into sprinting you know high jump any of those things where there's a huge male advantage the bike rider do you know about the the competition bike rider that dominates there's like like a cyclist yeah a cyclist male cyclist a biological male cyclist competes as a woman crushes everybody really yeah it's the same thing it's like if you had here's the deal if you took a woman and you told that woman that she had to compete against a woman who's been doing steroids her whole life yeah but just stop doing steroids you'd be like well that's not fair of course not right well that's the same thing as being a man yeah you're going through a life of puberty and a life of testosterone that's sure far elevated in comparison to a biological woman sure and then you look at the thresholds of what's allowed this is where um derek from no plates more plates more dates comes into play have you ever you ever see that youtube channel more pleats more dates it's really good but he's great at covering hormones and things along those lines and performing performance-enhancing drugs but he's essentially broken down what the threshold is for allowable testosterone for a trans woman and it's far beyond what a normal biological woman has yeah so even competing as a trans woman like saying you're a woman i identify as a woman you have way more testosterone or you
potentially could have way more testosterone and it'd be allowed permitted and it's allowed yeah so that ruling makes sense is that you haven't gone through puberty yet yes yeah yeah yes and then you know there's the other thing is like if you there's a story in texas where texas if you are a biological female you must compete against biological females well there was a trans boy who was taking male hormones and wrestling against girls so she was a she was born a woman right biological girl transition becomes a boy she's now identifies as a boy taking testosterone right for the transition for the transition but has that and ragdolling women yeah yeah because you're wrestling against women that don't have testosterone yeah it's we're we're going to look back on this time if there is history yeah if there is a moment i think i think our history is going to be sorting through rubble going what were they doing yeah i think that's what's going to be yeah that's what i think yeah i have a feeling we got a few years left i don't know yeah we might have a hundred who knows but whenever it goes down it's gonna go down hard and i think it could go down in multiple fronts it could go down because of our own folly it could go down because of war it could go down because of natural disasters yeah it could go down there's a lot of threats right a lot of threats yeah natural disasters i think are probably the most likely scenario in terms of like asteroid impacts and super volcanoes and [ __ ] climate falling apart i'm not that concerned about that really not i'm not that it's not going to [ __ ] everything up because i think it is but i'm not concerned about that being the end of the human race oh i think the climate is just going to force people to move to different areas and if the sea level does rise it's going to [ __ ] up people that bought houses in malibu yeah but i think in miami and all that [ __ ] but i think our real scary stuff is impacts because that's there's a they just showed an impact on the moon right yes a
rocket a rocket somebody's not that no one's claimed no one's claimed go to that article yeah a rocket [ __ ] rocket dude yeah someone shot a rocket to the moon how is there no don't tell anybody how can you not trace that in something they spotted a rocket impact site on the moon well go to there's other articles that are not the nasa site go to whose rocket landed on the moon because there's two they found two new craters mystery rocket impacts moon go to that one i don't understand though right like yeah they don't know what the [ __ ] happened they're like hey who did that whose rocket was it also when did the rocket hit and it left an interesting double crater so it says uh late in 2021 astronomers spotted what turned out to be a spent rocket body hurtling towards earth's moon and now nasa's lunar reconnaissance orbiter which has been photographing the moon since 2009 has seen the rockets crash site but the origin of the rocket is still a mystery you know while the yeah 2021 someone could shoot a rocket to the moon and no one even knows no one knows and the crater is a mystery too why is it double as it turns out the strange double crater the size the sight of the crash itself might help to identify which rocket what rocket it was that crashed huh look at the size of it too the crater if you if you scroll down though that it gives you those measurements right there it says there's two craters an 18 meter diameter about 19.5 yards superimposed on a western crater 16 meter diameter about 17 and a half yards i mean imagine that a rocket like that hitting the earth that's just a rocket i mean obviously a meteor would be like way way way worse that's not that big that's not that big seventeen yards isn't that big i mean i'm thinking of just like 20 yards on a field yeah but if something has the amount of energy to slam into a planet that you leave one planet and slam into another one kind of amazing and it only has a 20-yard creator i guess so um yeah so there's the images so they're
trying to unmask the owners of the body first they thought it was a spacex vehicle ah elon did it um that eventually decided oh must be part of a chinese that makes the most chinese government denied ownership we didn't do anything sure okay this is oh they banned tick tock today china did the you the the fcc is urging apple and google to pull tick-tock right today yes yeah find that i sent a letter by july 8th unless tick tock sends a letter we promise we're going to stop stealing your data no more thumb prints no more facial scans we promise whoa yeah listen trump was talking about this a long time ago he's saying we should ban tick tock i remember and so tick tock said we're going to have an american tick tock and a chinese tick tock and we won't [ __ ] with it but it turns out the american tick tock gets all of its data from the chinese tick tock so tick tock sends the data to china first and then china goes yeah we'll be right back after we get your credit card information yeah and then they send it over wow yeah it's like he was right with a huawei thing when they banned huawei a lot of people like hey why they banned in huawei and then you know when i talked to mike baker the guy from the cia he's like listen that is a [ __ ] corrupt company that 100 is doing the most invasive searches on people's phones and and scooping up data at unprecedented levels wow they back engineered the tick tock app and they said is the biggest violator of privacy they've ever found fcc commissioner calls on apple and google to remove tick tock from their app stores this is wild [ __ ] dude this is wild yeah a member of the federal communications commission is reviewing renewing calls for apple and google to remove tick tock from their app store citing national security concerns surrounding tick tock's chinese-based parent company bite dance i like a bite dance what a great name june 24 ceo of apple and google fcc commissioner brendan carr described bite dance as beholden to the chinese government and required by law
to comply with chinese government surveillance demands for sure 100 do you also though do you uh feel like that it's it's almost um not worth resisting some of these things like how much how big surveillance is from tech that you realize you know you can you can do what you think you can to avoid giving out your information but you know that your information is out there right somebody but what's collected there's a difference between google collecting it which is not ideal yeah and the chinese government can oh a 100 agree yeah this the national security concern aspect of it is like first of all like if your kid is on tick tock then maybe it has some sort of an ability to track phones that are in the area maybe it's scooping data off of phones that are close by maybe it's scooping data off of wi-fi maybe it's recognizing financial transactions that you're also making on the same phone yeah maybe it's recognizing you know very important geo locations of important people like who the [ __ ] knows what it can do and what they can't do but go see if you can google um engineer uh back engineers tick tock and finds privacy issues china slides under the radar to so many um like civilian people and then you talk to anybody in intelligence oh yeah that is our greatest adversary by far yeah by far they're scary yeah they have a massive economy they have a full connection to all businesses so the government is in complete control of all businesses there is no business that operates without the control of the chinese government you know the governments don't go you know there's like in america apple can go biden's an idiot and this country's [ __ ] and we're doing a terrible job and we need to shut the [ __ ] up we don't do that [ __ ] there you'll disappear yeah they took that jack ma guy that's the head of alibaba which is their version of um super wealthy yeah multi-billionaire he vanished for four months when he came back he's like everything is great great
i love the government remember the tennis player oh yeah yeah she was like oh i was assaulted by a high-ranking person in the in the people's republic whatever the party of the chinese government and then disappeared yep and she's like i didn't mean it yeah thumbs up yeah yeah it's harder to just straight up disappear people now yeah because they've killed a few billionaires or put them in you know who knows what they're doing they probably just have them in jail and when they just [ __ ] them every day yeah today i [ __ ] you again well because of that system are it's different the loyalty to the state oh yeah of chinese even citizens it's different you know well they get [ __ ] scared sure well you remember when um [ __ ] what's his face john cena oh he's apologizing i'm so sorry china i respect china so mandarin yeah yeah yeah speaks in mandarin which is wild oh yeah but he was apologizing i just made a mistake yeah i was very tired i made a big mistake well i respect china so much business they thought they think about that box office that's a serious box office over there but meanwhile top gun said [ __ ] you and they had a chinese flag on tom cruise's back and they pulled it from but still killing it same thing as spider-man yeah they're realizing now you know like it's not worth it and also people are aware that you're a cuck yeah yeah yeah what do you say claims this guy made two years ago on a reddit post and they were disputed sort of but not in a really uh good way that i could find just now okay so let me see the headline it says guy who reverse engineered tic toc reveals the scary things he learned advises people to stay away from it facebook got itself into sensitive data scandal when it you know i walked my youngest was uh today she has a friend over her house and they were laughing and giggling like what are you guys doing we're making the craziest tick tock like kids are [ __ ] addicted to tick-tock yeah yeah but the tick-tock in america and the tick-tock in china for kids is very different do you know about that no in china you
can't use it after 10 pm kids don't they're not allowed on it after 10 p.m shuts down shuts down and tick tock highlights scientific achievements athletic endeavors all sorts of different things that did show like powerful accomplishment driven activities yeah in america it's like crazy gender stuff and dance moves somebody pulling their tooth out like in the kitchen with pliers and they're like exactly it's like they're trying to turn people into dullards yeah and as many as they can into into idiots yeah and they're gonna get a lot of us they're gonna get a lot of people for sure that's the way they're going to win the way china and russia the way they're going to subvert americans is through making us idiots yeah i think it's working we're [ __ ] dumb as [ __ ] here people don't care about education or any i mean they're so it's it's such a minority that really is driven for that but there's so there's obviously a hunger for it right because the hunger for podcasts i mean obviously a lot of podcasts are just nonsense conversations but the the pod some of the podcasts that i've had were talking to scientists of you know [ __ ] 30 40 million views yeah like why is that was because there are people out there right now fascinating things yeah but that that is not being shown to them on in most media yeah it's hard to get like yeah and like deep conversations with people that are brilliant people yeah it's there's enough people out i mean we're still human beings human beings are still curious creatures we're still fascinated by different things and fascinated by but it is so unique to be able to see a conversation with a you know a scientist or a professor that's like really accomplished really brilliant mind yeah there's really i mean outside of podcast where you're going to see that person speak uninterrupted about something that you you know you're curious about it never existed before yeah never existed before and what's really fascinating is that you know with for me is that i'm the one who's doing it yeah it's bizarre
yeah because i'm a [ __ ] an idiot and i'm a cage fighting commentator which is a very strange combination of things to be doing yeah but you have that curiosity too but i think there's a lot of people that have that this is what i'm saying is like there's a lot of people that aren't intellectuals but they aren't represented like their ideas and curiosity is not represented by mainstream offerings yeah so when podcasts come along like if you wanted to bring podcast mainstream like 20 years ago you said i had i got this idea they'd be like what are you talking about yeah like who the [ __ ] wants to listen to two idiots talk [ __ ] and smoke cigars for three hours yeah yeah nobody nobody and then all of a sudden it comes out you realize this is exactly what people want there's a lot of that yeah but there's also one of the things that podcasting did was it provided uh an avenue of entertainment for people that are also doing other things like if you're doing like boring labor all day you get those messages all the time yeah it's people like dude you [ __ ] saved my life how to drive to ontario yeah yeah yeah uh so many times you know ups fedex usps drivers yeah i stopped all the time people working they're like i'm in a warehouse yes just you know driving this like [ __ ] forklift around or whatever and they're like i just gotta listen to something yeah and hearing a conversation can you know at times you want that more than sometimes you want music but sometimes you want to hear a conversation i love conversations yeah i am a giant consumer podcast as well as a listener but i i don't i mean is my consumption is very varied too like i'll listen to like yours i listen to comedy podcasts and then i'll listen to like bow hunting podcasts then i'll listen to mma podcasts and someone i just listened to that was interesting let's see if i still have it i haven't listened to radio lab in a long time but that used to be one of my go-to ones that was one of the first times that i ever realized that some some people involved in this gender stuff are completely insane because there's this one person that
they were calling themselves gender fluid yeah and they would go back and forth from being a male to a female throughout the day like they would just decide oh i'm tom now oh now i'm back to being sally and they were treating it like it's totally normal like oh i get it sally well actually i'm tom now oh okay tom okay you know like wait a minute you don't get to be two different people this is you're you're literally bipolar like you have personality disorder you have something's wrong with you yeah this gender thing though but if you say you're you're two different i'm mike now i'm steve people like oh you're crazy yeah but if you say i'm sally and now i'm tom they go oh you yeah it's totally normal it's fluid yeah yeah yeah and the person like clearly had issues like you're listening they're like overly emotional about [ __ ] that didn't make sense and they weren't speaking rationally like this is a person who's struggling with the fabric of reality itself yeah and then we um dismiss it all because it's a gender thing like oh it's fine yeah yeah whereas i don't know it feels like not long ago even everybody would be like the [ __ ] are you talking exactly yeah yeah it's i wonder how we bounce back from that because a lot of kids are growing up with this in their head and this is not a slight on transgender people because i think they're legitimately are and i've met them there's a lot of people that legitimately are in the wrong body and i couldn't imagine what that's like but that's not what i'm saying what i'm saying is it also opens the door to people that are completely insane yeah that's gonna that's that's part of it's like um when you over correct you know you overcompensate for something and it leaves the the ability the the you have the the option now because there's legitimacy to it yeah to bring in the other people yeah so you're going to have people that are legitimately like this and people who are just playing in that same group and they're actually
not what you what they're saying they are but when do we bounce back like how do we bounce back to a state of normalcy where we accept people that are transgender people but we also leave the door open to people that have like legitimate mental illness that use whether it's being transgender or gender fluid or anything else as an excuse to like get extra attention and to to make it all about them and you know to like a form of narcissism a form of psychotic behavior yeah because a lot of them like to decide they're women and they just start attacking other women and getting very aggressive about other women like and they're clearly like deranged people yeah i mean i think we the only thing we can do is call that out like and that's the only thing that can make this feel grounded and real is that you have to acknowledge when you when something is standing out as this [ __ ] you know this is a crazy person or a hot war a hot war a nice hot war uh a real hot war would drop all that [ __ ] nobody give a [ __ ] about gender ideology of rockets start launching holy [ __ ] yeah like a gender war no no no no i don't mean a gender war that one that war would end quick yeah sure would yeah no i mean a hot war like a war with russia oh yeah where you have real problems well yeah because it does feel like some of these issues that are highly debated in like progressive circles today you go yeah you know you know where they don't really bring this up um you know is uh like eastern africa like there's when there's a war zone or a famine or you know rockets are blowing up schools and hospitals yeah that [ __ ] quiets down real quick real quick yeah yeah well first world problems it's interesting though it's it's like we're sorting out all sorts of different things and then in the meantime while this is happening male sperm counts are dropping at record levels balls are shrinking how many people are scared to say things so many people are so scared they should be scared they get fired yeah they get fired but even you know like we know people in i mean some of them in comedy but definitely in entertainment who are just
[ __ ] you see how terrified they are they're just terrified to say any they're scared they're scared to have like a just speak a rational thought because they're just like you know my the fans are going to go against me i'll never get hired again they just they they operate in a different world then podcasters and comedians do yeah we're the last front line of free speech in that regard yeah in that we can't get fired yeah you know i mean you see you know employees in these companies just try to bully their way through things and then people speak in hush tones quietly you know they get together and like someone will say something about gender roles too by the way i have teacher friends you know that are like and they're like oh my god you should see what the [ __ ] we have to deal with at school and they just kind of nod and you know there's other they have colleagues other teachers who will openly weep in a teacher meeting about one of these issues and they're like jesus christ so they just have to keep their mouth shut if they if they say anything they'll just be labeled right you know and may be cast out yeah yeah yeah have you seen the documentary what is a woman no i haven't either but i keep seeing clips and they're [ __ ] wild it's matt walsh from the daily wire yeah and he made this film what is a woman and it has a 97 score on rotten tomatoes wow and only has four critical reviews critical i mean i mean i mean critical i mean critics yeah critics reviewing it oh like no one will everything is 97 is all by just regular viewers right the the people that are like professional journalists that are supposed to be reviewing these things only four and one of them was matt taibi so matt taibbi wasn't i mean he disagreed with some of it he wasn't necessarily critical of it but it was critical of some aspects of it but he just watched it and reviewed it for what it is and was just attacked for even engaging with what this film is but this guy matt walsh the way he did it was very clever he didn't getting arguments with
people he just asked them questions he just like got the most rabid of these gender ideologues and he asked them all kinds of questions like what is a woman like how do you define a woman how do you know and then they let them talk they're crazy yeah and then put it all together in a documentary wow and that was really like his only thing is what is a woman that's what he's trying to say like how can someone become a woman but along the way they're reveal there's like wild [ __ ] going on now where kids identify as cats what and they want a meow in class yeah no it's real in some places that are more open-minded and people go oh that's not everywhere well this is what we were saying about all this gender stuff four or five years ago right and now it's everywhere they want a meow they wanted me out they they identify as animals but i mean what are they talking about 14 14 i thought you're gonna see like three no because that's what my three-year-old does but that's just for fun of course but you don't allow that to happen in class like billy stop meowing and answer the question you know who was the first president of the united states i can't tell a lie no you have to say it's [ __ ] and the teacher has to respect this choice yeah or they get fired i mean they're barely getting by anybody nobody has less power to to quit their job and to tell people what they really think than teachers oh my teacher friends say the same thing it's a terrible place to be they're like i just like what i do but uh it's a it's an insane world it's not what they signed up for no it's not when they were in high school and they were in college well i think i'll be an educator yeah and then they get to this place like oh my god i'm in a cult yeah and then any you know any even like just a hint of i would even call it pushback you're like even questioning some of this they are then faced with um you're endangering these kids you're
scaring them you might cause a kid to kill themselves yeah they'll say wild [ __ ] to them so that's the wild one that people always like to say they like to say you're putting people in danger yeah by criticizing sure like oh oh really yeah that's what they'll say too about like criticism if you uh uh endorse the the traditional beauty standard for a model you're putting kids in danger right now because they're going to try to attain that jesus christ okay that is such a wild assertion it is because that censors so much thought and debate about complex and complicated issues where people disagree and all you have to do is like conflate that with you doing a terrible thing that could like literally get someone killed yeah and you can get away with it yeah wild wild wild [ __ ] times man wild times because these are supposed to be the people that you rely on that are professional educators that are also professional thinkers right they're supposed to be the people that have they they're spending time thinking things through more than anybody sure and then they're expressing those thoughts supposedly in a very well sorted out way like they they have the objective reality they have the the stranglehold on it and that's why they're teachers yeah that's not not really true no they're kind of [ __ ] and captured yeah i think it's like a really in in this country a pretty thankless job too yes people are like why aren't you doing better it's almost like that's a good way to keep people stupid pay teachers the least amount possible it's crazy yeah and the only people that get really good teachers are people that put their kids in private schools and so you get the elite where their kids get smarter and everybody else is like kind of like stuck to try to figure it out on their own true the only saving grace is that if someone does decide to seek it you can get a pretty [ __ ] substantial education online you can now you can yeah i mean you can i mean now you can really educate yourself on anything now yeah that's just really fascinating for sure yeah you could definitely get a broad education on like i wonder if i would have been a better
student if i were a student now you know i wouldn't have been i'd have been sending dick pics and being on tick tock all day maybe yeah i'd probably i don't know why i'm bro fantasizing if i had a phone at 15. you know any dick pics of mine be out there also i just it just would have been it would have been shut down so many times oh yeah pornography infections oh yeah god and we i would have been filming everything street fights car accidents what can i film yeah yeah kids and the things they watch yeah it was hard to watch porn when i was a kid yeah it was a real challenge i wouldn't jerk off and uh at uh spice channel scrambled i saw it and i just you know it's just because it would just come in for a second and you're like yeah people don't remember that like there was b sex movies yeah they were like soft-core porn movies yeah like emmanuel goes to paris you remember those cinemax yes they would call it skin amazing yeah yeah and you would watch these terrible movies where a girl would like eventually take her clothes off and they would have simulated sex where you could tell why the guy was humping her that his dick was like a foot away from her vagina yeah it was like way back there it didn't make sense the way they would line up her legs were like where his chest is but spice would have real sex you know that was that was pay per view so i remember we would i'd go to sleepovers across the street uh when i was like in i don't know fifth grade and we just sit there and try to see and then one time the dad had bought spice so when we put it on it was actually on yeah and it was just like masturbation factory in sleeping bags everyone's doing it quietly like you feel like shaking on the floor but knowing when to look at each other we're all like oh my god we're 10 and 11 years old beating off the spice channel god yeah or you know you'd get tapes passed down or you find a tape stash oh yeah magazines yeah it was a whole thing yeah it's too it is too accessible that is true for sure and especially for the developing mind the fact that you're just presented with that because it was a discovery when we were kids well you
had to seek it out originally yeah like think about it in the early days you had to go to a [ __ ] theater yeah right before yes yeah the only way you could see people [ __ ] was go to a theater and you had to like look ahead look ahead yeah everyone looks straight ahead and then there's weirdos with raincoats on jacking off into raincoats how are you going to be in that theater and not want to jack off if you're watching that i mean well it's probably so crazy too because there was no porn back then and now so you look at it porn it's 12 feet tall that's got to be nuts whoa do you remember american werewolf in london yeah yeah one of the scenes in american world of london the final scene he turns into a werewolf in the middle of a porn theater oh so he's in the middle of a porn theater where he visits his dead friend because his friend kept coming back from the dead to tell him hey man you got to kill yourself you're a werewolf you're killing people oh yeah you don't remember that i remember that no google that scene it's a great scene because these people because this is what go a little bit before that though because so this is the the the girly movie theater and so he's inside this theater with his butt this is it because this is after it already had turned into a werewolf like she's she's the lady that works there and she's screaming at these cops that there's a monster in there and they're telling her she's crazy and so this guy goes in there so you hear the porn's playing mm-hmm [Music] he sees all the bodies on the ground oh [ __ ] jesus christ sounds like they're making love in the background though i think it's a porno film playing but it's there it is see it's sweet [Music] [Applause] what's that they stopped it right there yeah that's before the wolf jumps out and rips the dude's head off oh i think i've read that the cu next wednesday which i suppose the title of this fake movie has been used in a few other movies like maybe tarantino's used it
yeah it's come up a few times interesting like a little nod to the film yeah yeah great [ __ ] movie i gotta watch the best werewolf movie ever i haven't seen it like my new werewolf that's my new werewolf out there yeah outside it's the better one that is nice one yeah where's the other one on the other room in the other room okay i still have it pat mcgee he responded to the criticism of rick baker because rick baker was the original uh makeup artist who created the werewolf super famous yeah makeup artist yeah and he was on my podcast and he's [ __ ] amazing i mean i'm a giant fan of that guy and uh he you know i wanted to be a special effects artist when i was a kid yeah i wanted to do like because i know you like my sketch and everything right i wanted to do monster makeup that's what i wanted to do it's one of the things i wanted to do at one point in time and uh so when i had him on it was like a huge treat but one of the things he said was that our werewolf was too big it was too long the proportions were off and that it was just uh like the way the the body was and so pat mcgee was like oh [ __ ] and so he went back and he made a whole new mold and created and then this time all the hair on it is actual animal hair whereas the other one was like it seems like carpet and then like hair around his face isn't that cool though like artistically that he heard the the critique yeah and then he just went for the the you know the like the varsity version of not that the first one wasn't but just that you can you can always get better yeah you know yeah he made it awesome it's like richard pryor telling you your jokes are whack yeah can you imagine like yeah the joke was good but it's too long he needs to edit you're like oh [ __ ] i better edit my jokes so that's what happened that's what happened so rick baker is like that's not the right shape it's too long he was like i gotta make this right i gotta make it right and then he contacted me he's like look i'm making a
new one do you want a new one on my [ __ ] let's go that's cool i want to take a look at it then it's way better yeah it's one piece and the muscles are all right it's different it's like it's like it's it's more menacing because it's like like it's ready to pounce yeah that's badass yeah they haven't made a good werewolf moving along you know what i noticed is that um i mean i'm sure this observation has been made but when you watch you know scary uh movies with monsters now and aliens there really is like not a lot of variation because i was just watching the latest uh stranger things yeah and you're like oh that just feels like that that monster comes out of the shadows and you're like oh i see some like uh um pirates and i see some predator you know like mashed together but i guess it's almost like there's no it a monster alien needs to have some human qualities because when it has human qualities you're like it's it's almost us right but it's a scary terrifying version and they just i don't know like it's it's [ __ ] bad it's scary as [ __ ] in that thing but you go there is like no way almost to create an alien that looks so different from what we've already seen right they all kind of feel like they're made from the same sketch yeah i guess the remember the blob uh no that was their answer for it like that 1950s was the blob it was basically like jello killing people oh right that's definitely not as good no it's not as good and this one is scary as [ __ ] i'm not even saying it's not scary it just doesn't you just go like this just feels like a variation of what we've seen you know i finally watched uh a quiet place oh yeah i never saw that before that's the one with krazynski right yeah yeah i saw that i saw the first one i haven't seen the i haven't seen the second one either but i saw the first one great concept too oh my god it's
great yeah and i love the fact they don't even tell you the origin story yeah just like obviously something terrible happened these people are [ __ ] and they could barely talk yeah the thing though when they had the actual monsters like the monsters are pretty [ __ ] creative pretty interesting and that lady's hot as the sun who's that emily blunt she's hot that's his uh that's his real wife in real life yeah well there you go yeah good for him he did well yeah this is it's a [ __ ] up movie really interesting move there's a lot there's a few moments i'm like come on you being a little inconsistent here yeah yeah but it's good it's fun yeah there's two of those moments in the second when you're like dad don't tell me that it's shut up it's a good movie i just saw it you've already ruined it i'm looking for two moments now i get one i'm like where's the other one in my opinion there's two then it's just the the concept is cool just the the aliens themselves are [ __ ] interesting they're just so [ __ ] wild looking yeah there's the um you remember the one what was the uh the the spanish one that had you know a guillermo yes panze labyrinth pan's labyrinth yeah that was [ __ ] labyrinth was amazing i love that movie guillermo del toro makes some cool [ __ ] he does you know he wrote an interesting book the strain that they turned into like a series on fx i read the book and i remember reading the book and like halfway into the book it's almost like you just wanted to finish it and then oh really the second half of the book is just like a bunch of action [ __ ] and then he killed him then this guy died and then he grabbed him by the neck and cut his neck like he just stopped it just was like the beginning had so much suspense do you know the story behind it it's a great story the story is that this guy is uh yeah that's the the television show the guy was uh there was a plane and this plane lands and uh no one's getting off the plane and no one's responding and they don't
know what the [ __ ] is happening yeah and they get on the plane and they look around everyone's dead the whole the whole like everyone's dead they don't know what the [ __ ] happened and it turned out that there was a vampire on the plane and this vampire infected these people and then some of them spoiler alert you know they they become vampires and run around killing people but the way they become vampires is very different than any other vampire they've ever seen before like their tongue comes out of their mouth and like grabs a hold of people and yeah it's it was a great first half of a book there's so many films like that particularly in the thriller genre because the whole thing about a thriller is the reveal right right like it's there's mystery there's suspense yeah and that's when you'll get disappointed by that's why there's there's basically a one or two good ones i wouldn't even say every year maybe like every couple years you're like that's [ __ ] phenomenal it's because they they do the setup right and they build the suspense and then sometimes on the reveal you go that's it right that's the answer right like it's that they were hiding in the other room like you know because you right you have to reveal it in a way that makes you go like oh my god and that's the hardest part of that hardest part of writing it and it's definitely the hardest part of like showing it cinematically is making it engaging and interesting yeah it's just hard for them to nail this like a monster movie yeah monster movies are probably the hardest to nail because it has to not be ridiculous right and it can't really even be too much cgi cause cgi kind of looks corny no you need the reveal to be like yeah it's got to be it's got to be built up the right way yeah you don't know what's what like i was just thinking about uh the fugitive remember the fugitive and how like that was a hit movie but the great thing about it is you're you have suspicions but you're not entirely sure
and then the reveal like you know it piece by piece comes together so you have to get that that feeling that you go like oh you know that i solved and it and it has to be plausible and believable yeah because you can also that's the other way that they you get [ __ ] on a thriller as a book or a film is if the resolution and the reveal is so far-fetched you go well you just found a an answer but it's just right you you just kind of made up things that don't happen so right right right the details of that it's a [ __ ] skill man yeah writing it like that's why stephen king is the greatest yeah right because his books in particular when the ones when he was doing coke the old days yeah still good ones sure there's those books i was just like he takes you on this journey yeah of the mind that's so bizarre like i feel like he was the one that recently i don't know if it was him so i might be labeling it wrong that's that said that they write where they know the the end because some writers write differently than that where he knows the end and then right towards it yeah writes towards it and goes like i just need to get myself in some [ __ ] right you have to find your conflict yeah how do i get out but i know i want it to end with this oh that's one way to write it and then you know the other way to write is you just right as you go as you're going yeah yeah that's probably fun because you don't even know what the [ __ ] what's going to happen but yeah you have to decide how to do it yeah what a [ __ ] time-consuming endeavor though and no one knows it better than you now because you did it i did it you didn't write fiction no i did i did stories and and you know i wrote about uh you know a chapter on my dad and my mom i wrote a chapter about how i thought i was going to be a doctor when i was a kid it's called paging doctor stupid because i didn't realize how [ __ ] dumb i was uh i mean you know you start writing i mean there are fun chapters to write i wrote about a chapter about finding a body you know
when i was in just out of college at home and i went with my sister on a drive to go see friends and she noticed something in a field you know and and she made me turn around i didn't want to turn around i just didn't want to turn i was like now we're good it's one-way streets but i she pleaded with me so i did it and then we pulled over and found a motorcycle that's what she had seen it was a motorcycle with the headlights still on and then we looked around and there was somebody laying there you know and and uh we called 9-1-1 and i go up to the body i'm so scared to to find a body or to approach a body that i'm like this is a dead person and i start going sir which is true because i didn't you know you think you're going to be like hey you know right you okay but i was like sir sir and i went up and i just touched his shoulder with my index finger and i did it twice and then he started to grunt so i just i just kept saying don't move you know because i just heard that don't move it in and he sat up he pushed himself up and sat and when he sat up the top of his head just flapped open i was like oh my god and then i mean a helicopter came and landed in that field you know police ambulances everything it was [ __ ] why i saw the skull it was like skin flap you know and and just like wide open it wasn't you just saw the skull you didn't see the brains yeah but i mean i'm sure there was some sticking out of there i was just like what the [ __ ] just blood everywhere and they met about you know the helicopter took him out and did he live yeah he lived really he lived yeah and that's not a body that's a person well it was a body when i first saw it yeah there's just i mean i write about odin you know yeah i tell ya just how did you od what were you on ghb uh i took a bunch of that the date rape drug but i gave it to myself so i'm not a bad person and uh yeah and i drank a lot which was like the deadly com that's what they would even like the dealers
that would sell it to you which is rare they'd be like don't drink on this you know because the combination was lethal i think i had 14 [ __ ] screwdrivers that night oh my god and ghp yeah and whoa super high dosage oh my god and i ended up in a hospital in a coma yeah for how long the coma was eight ten hours but they had i mean they had like a vigil at the hospital people praying and all this [ __ ] yeah and then every then you like have to go through people being like oh you're a junkie oh boy because you overdosed yeah and you're like no i was a freshman in college so i was 18 boy yeah it was bad jesus christ this is bad some people thought you had a problem after that oh yeah yeah i mean some people only knew you as that you know i mean i was right you're like oh that you're that [ __ ] drug addict you know jesus christ oh yeah man that was rough was it um a thing when you wrote this did you have an outline of stories you definitely wanted to get in there or did you just sit down and say i've got a book to write a few things that i was like i definitely let me see that um i definitely was like i you know i know what i i know i want to write some of these stories i knew i wanted to write one about my dad um and then i i had these like uh consistent things throughout the book where between those longer stories and essays i drop in chapters about um famous people i've flown with who are mostly black so um did you hear the tyson story chris tucker yeah serena williams jill scott who i was with you when i ran into jill scott again do you remember that yeah we had just done i think it was maybe the new orleans gig and i had just finished writing the chapter about scott and and i was like um and then i see jill scott in the green room afterwards with everybody and i'm like because i the the the chapter about her i i start saying
that um my proof that um that i that i definitely met her is that i say jill scott hates salmon and i i went up to her and i go hey i just wrote the chapter about when we flew together and she was like okay i go we flew together from la to nashville like i don't know eight ten years ago and she was like okay i go join it i'm not lying she goes how i go you hate salmon she goes i don't [ __ ] with anything pink [Laughter] so i mean you know that's literal there's just chapters like about that and then i just yeah i mean i have a whole road stories chapter uh working for america's most wanted i have a chapter on that it's just like you work for america's most wanted yeah what did you do i was a researcher i would research um like criminals and and stories for us to profile and then i would pitch them to the story editor what year was this dude you know what my first day was september 10 2001. whoa so it went from you know mostly crazy fugitives and then we pivoted hard to terrorism and people like what do you mean i'm like dude the show what we did after that was we just showed like bin laden every week we're like we gotta get this [ __ ] you know like that was the show i would go to the white house and we would be on the you would go to the white house yeah i would be at the west wing how old were you back then um i was just out of college so 21 22. it was right before i moved here wow it was my so when i graduated before you moved to l.a you mean sorry to la yeah i moved i graduated college my friend's in boston doing real estate he's like come up here and get this money and i was like okay because it's the easiest [ __ ] way to make money is you go work for a real estate place in boston specifically because boston has 61 colleges and universities meaning there is always a need for housing on top of being a major city and the easiest thing to do is you just show an apartment and when somebody rents that apartment they have to pay first last an equivalent of one month to the real estate office that showed it and then you split that
with the real estate office so if you're [ __ ] right out of college and you're even just hustling you don't have to be skilled just hustling showing up every day you're making thousands of dollars a week but i even knew then that i didn't want to do it like i was making great money for a kid just out of college and i was like i don't i just knew i didn't want to do that you didn't just want to make money i didn't want to just want to make money i didn't want to do it make money doing that specifically and i had interned at america's most wanted in college for for a summer really yeah and i was actually like a producer on a spin-off show called final justice so i was like making producing episodes of that so that when i called them they go we want to offer you a job as a researcher on the big show on amw they called it and so i went down there to september 10th and then september 11th obviously i'm in the shows in dc so i'm in college park living in a a house in maryland driving into dc on september 11th you know and it was just [ __ ] chaos you just i mean the pentagon's there it's like and we just i was there 20 hours that day it was [ __ ] so nuts and then i just realized after three months of doing that i was like i don't want to do this either so i packed up a truck and just drove out to la wow yeah and when you packed up the truck driving off to what do you what were you thinking um i really thought i was like okay i kind of want to be a comedic actor but maybe i thought maybe i would be more in like the directing like behind this the camera kind of person too did you have any theatrical experience i had only done i'd done like a couple i did an improv troop thing in like high school not even in college i made funny videos because i was a com major so everyone would make like serious videos and i would always hand in like comedic ones and i had done a play one time also when i was like i don't know like 13 or something like that so that was it but i was like you know i felt like i'll i'll do the groundlings and i'd read that that's
where like snl picks up people i was like oh that's what i'll do i'll just do that so i interned at copelson entertainment which was making big movies and i was learning that like script reading and doctoring scripts and then going to the groundlings but you know who was in my first my groundings class was sam tripoli really yeah i was 22 and he was probably like he's probably seven eight years older than me and it was like two or three classes and he's like can you just stand up bro gotta get out there and gig fight [ __ ] fight crime i was like okay fight crime that's such a triply thing yeah i was like what he goes you'd like it bro you'd like it and then he took me around i watched him do stand-up so tripoli talked to you and doing stand up yeah wow that's amazing yeah that's amazing wow i love that dude he's great it was fun to see him last week yeah it was great to see him at your party yeah he's a fun dude got twins ninja and ghosts like what this kid's name ninja ghost i think they're nicknames but yeah it's very sam he's a character so where was your first place you went on stage uh it's no longer there it's called the good it was called the good bar it was right on sunset it was right before you know that on sunset when you're heading west there's a sign that says you're entering beverly hills but before that yeah there's a building there and like a bank and there was a bar called the good bar that was the first time i did stand up and was it an open mic night it was a booked like bringer you know slash like you're not experienced comic show you know how did you get up how did it work the um nick wegener who was a writer now who's a writer now a comedy writer does very well he was also in that class he he had heard me talk about wanting to do it so he took me around introduced me to a woman named kathy kanicki and she when he introduced me he goes this is tom he's a comic and she was like doing
something and she goes oh you want to do the show like april 9th and i was like yeah and then she didn't ask me anything so he was like okay you're booked for a show now and the craziest thing was i was so goddamn nervous for that show that first show and i get there i probably [ __ ] an hour and a half early you know when you're just like oh my god and i go when am i up when am i up and they have the the order and it's like one two three he's like you're seventh and i was like okay so i have like all this time to keep freaking out and i hear this uh you know the embassy the host doing this stuff doing her bits and then she's like all right let's bring up your first comic uh tom segur segarra segura and i'm like what and they're like they're calling you and i walk up and as i'm shaking her hand i go i thought i was seventh and she looks down and she goes oh yeah and then she just walked off and i was like but i think i was actually good because i didn't ever just get nervous yeah she it just freaked me out wow you know how dumb i was how i [ __ ] invited people to that show i didn't tell them i go i do stand up do you want to see me do stand up instead of saying god this is my first time doing stand up wow and i have it on tape i got to put it up sometime you got it on tape what was your first joke i don't remember because i haven't seen it in forever um i you know i know i talked about how my dick points to the left at some point [Laughter] you know it hasn't really progressed that's hilarious but i do remember you know i remember i like the [ __ ] stupidity to be like you guys should come watch me do stand up not you were what 20 22 20 maybe i just turned 23. that's a good time because your brain's not fully formed no you still can do risky things yeah yeah yeah when people start like robert schimel who's one of the greats yeah started standing up when he's 36. that's wild was he really yeah yeah
that's insane i hope i'm right about that but i'm pretty sure i am um that that's different it is you know especially a lot of people are married and they have children they have jobs and that's a crazy dream to want to do stand-up yeah you know yeah crazy dream yeah i think kirk fox told me he started in his 30s too he's super funny we do gigs all the time together he's very funny very funny super smart guy and um yeah he just wasn't you know he was a tennis pro he wasn't wasn't that probably didn't think of it and then he did acting and then i think he just i forget if he tried it by chance or if somebody was like you should try it but he he did it and then he got hooked you know he got yeah got bit by it but he was he was in his 30s i think that's a tough it's really tough for people to change gears once they're already a fully formed adult with like a like and people that you grew up with that went to college with they have full-blown careers yeah and then you're going to become a beginner at something as ridiculous as comedy yeah [ __ ] crazy we're so lucky we got in early you know where else we're lucky we got in early podcasting yeah dude jesus christ imagine trying to do it now we pulled it up the other day four million podcasts now four million there's four million different podcasts is that crazy of the number one of four million that's crazy that's really crazy does it make sense i don't understand it genuinely don't understand number one of four million but i'm not stopping now [ __ ] i understand what's going on yeah yeah of course you got to keep going yeah like if you tried to jump in now and like take over the podcast game there's too many options yes like i have a cert like i was telling before i have a certain amount of podcasts that i listen to yeah and i just go to my phone i'll try that one and i listen to it but it's hard for me to get a new one yeah like a new one to get into my lineup there's too many good ones out there yeah and i feel like that's the the bottleneck today the only thing that could save you is like coming on a podcast like yours or mine or someone else's that already
has an audience yeah and then you know then you can you can kind of get people to come over and you really got to kind of catch magic you know like lightning to to have it you either have to be like such a unique talent or your angle has to be so unique yeah i think if you go like i do the sit around and talk thing like that's you know i just talk to people you're like i mean you could do it dude i mean i don't want to talk anyone out of it but are you either such a compelling interviewer or commentator that it's going to get an audience i used to tell everybody they should have their own podcast and now i don't really now i'm like oh [ __ ] i mean i guess you can try yeah it's tough now i'm like the the [ __ ] pool is so deep it's deep yeah it's really deep this is not four million comics [ __ ] no [ __ ] no no way not even close no but there's four million podcasts it's [ __ ] wild i wonder if you broke those down how many would you would consider a let's just say a professional podcast do you know what i mean like i don't know because this one wasn't professional you were there for one of the earliest episodes yeah definitely i remember you were making fun of me like what the [ __ ] are you doing dude i i left there and i was like why is he doing this to the red band i was like yeah what is this and he's like even red band didn't know why i was doing it especially when i wanted to do more than one a week because who was listening to this like the message board so i was like the message boards you're like a lot of people are listening man okay a lot of people was like a thousand people but you know you had the float tank i was like this guy's out of his mind just let him do his thing you know he's got a float tank he's talking in his office and i was trying to talk everybody else into doing a podcast too yes you did you were a thousand percent instrumental in me starting one and that was i started it in 2010 at the end of 2010 and it was because every time i saw you every time we worked together on the
flight you got to do a podcast you got to do a podcast so i was like yeah all right all right i just kept okay i was thinking about it and then i finally was like okay i'm gonna do it and then brian made it easy because he was like come over i'll set you up just sit down just do it i felt like there was a magnet that was pulling me in a general direction i felt like there was something going on with that and i never thought it would ever be what it is yeah how can you you can't but i i'll never say i saw that but i did feel compelled to do it that i think is very clear looking back it feels like it feels like you felt that and and and you know i remember how quickly you took it seriously like you took it's like you took it like i'm working out i'm training and i don't don't [ __ ] around when i train was the same you like you had the same approach once you once like the wheel started to turn a little bit you were like dude i podcast like i do this all the time multiple times a week hours at a time it was like oh you had a different drive to do it that felt like something was drawing you towards it it was very weird it's very weird now knowing how it turned out you know and i would like to say that i saw it coming i definitely didn't but i for sure felt compelled i've just always been a person that for whatever reason i i go on instincts yeah like when i get bailed out of la i'm like uh uh i see this is going this is not going the way i think it should go i got to get out of here jumped out like this this is a [ __ ] up city you got to get out of here this is not serving us anymore yeah but that's with a lot of things when i started doing stand-up it was the same thing i'm like i was [ __ ] terrible when i started out but i was like i got to do this this is my thing that's a real i think common thing for stand-ups yeah like i have to keep doing this yeah you feel drawn you feel like there's something about it that if you just get a chuckle just get a couple of laughs and then you feel like maybe i could build on that oh my god my
second set that i ever did i got laughs yeah yeah i remember was way better than my first set my first set i was like clunky and nervous and weird but my second set i was accustomed to the sound and the lights and the whole deal and and i had like a little bit of an experience of doing the first one to ride on and then i i got laughs unless i remember doing my second set i was like i'm gonna be a comedian oh yeah i remember the opposite almost i remember getting laughs like not killing but just getting laughs and laughs and like having done let's say four or five six seven sets i'm like oh i got a i got a grip on this and having the first [ __ ] set like where it just feels like someone punched you in the stomach like so it actually took me just a few sets to get there and it is the thing is that it it really kicks you down but the immediate thing you recognize you're like i have to do this again so i can wash that off yes you know yeah because it was also i was like something must have been wrong with them i don't know why this didn't work tonight i remember also the big transition was transitioning from open mics to doing a paid show oh yeah the difference in the expectations of the audience the difference in the level of comedians you are working with and i was realizing like oh i'm on like like bambi deer legs like yeah i'm you know i'm bambi walking on ice yeah yeah i remember i got 50 bucks uh you know the first time i got that was i think at an improv and um it was two years in and i just was like holy [ __ ] this is such other level yes different and you know i've unfortunately found that out by taking guys on the road too guys that were like doing pretty good at bringer shows and pretty good at like small local shows then i'd take them and they'd i'd bring them in front of a theater in front of 3 000 people and they'd just like clam up yeah and i'm like hey hey like you gotta like you have to have your bits pl do you print plan your bits out do you listen to recordings you gotta record yourself and i would tell a few of them and a few of them i had to just stop helping i was
like okay you're not doing enough i know i can't help you i've run into the same thing over the years it's very unfortunate because like they have a crazy opportunity yeah if i'm putting you out there there's some guys that [ __ ] run with it like hans kim yeah that [ __ ] runs with it yeah ali mikowski she ran with it a lot of people like run with it and some people just they just don't work they're lazy and they they're happy that you're taking them on the road with them but then they're doing the same material every place there's that and there's also you go you're just chopping it up with someone and you're like when was the last time you stand up and they're like the last time we worked together you're like what that was months ago yeah that's crazy yeah yeah you can't do that i had a friend of mine uh show up at one of my shows in seattle and he's like dude i just i know i could kill in front of your crowd like when was the last time you just stand up he's like it's been over a year i'm like shut the [ __ ] up there's 2 700 people out there there's not a chance in hell i'm putting you on that stage no like there's already a full show as it is and you're gonna go up there and flounder around for five minutes like there's no way you're gonna kill no it's not gonna go like you gotta be dedicated to this thing but so many people that get into stand-up they're depressed and they just like there's moments in their life where they just lay around doing nothing and yes you know and then they'll like sort of figure out a way to like break free and get to a comedy club and they want it all to happen for them like hey man this is like a marathon yeah we do get a lot of mental illness oh yeah yeah a lot yeah yeah and a lot of people that like they're self-medicating and they they think that somehow or another that stand up is the answer but it's also like so many people have been mentally ill that have been great stand-ups that's true we were just talking about um richard jenny yeah i was just thinking about him too yeah yeah how funny he was oh my god yeah he was so good
he was so good and it's it's it's he's also so good in context like you you would listen to his recordings today in 2022 and you'd say he's really good but if you saw him in 1989 when he was a [ __ ] he was like one of the best comics alive yeah but he wanted to be jim carrey he wanted to be that movie star he wanted to be jerry seinfeld and yeah he had a tv show on one of those [ __ ] networks i think it was like the cw or something like that it was called the platypus man platypus man yeah that was his whole thing yeah yeah he had a special called platypus man that's right and uh then he was in the mask with jim carrey he was in a few things yeah but it never happened no and he was [ __ ] horribly depressed meanwhile everybody was envious of him yeah everyone thought he was like so i mean he was he was the [ __ ] man but you know when i would go on the road i would always ask like because they always have like a local guy who had to take you around and bring it to the radio you know i was either the club manager that would bring you to the radio in the morning i go hey who's the most miserable person you had to bring around yeah it was always richard jenner really always they would all say oh my god richard jenny he like hated being there didn't want to do it he would he hated the fact that he had to be on the road he didn't want to be on the road he wanted to be a movie star sure but meanwhile he was the best comic alive hilarious i mean i can't say the other name but i'll tell you later but i've asked about another comedian before and i asked people who worked and they go i go he's just great and they go i've never been around a more miserable person what and they're like they're like yeah i hope you do well in this business but you don't end up miserable like him and i was like god damn okay yeah well you're not miserable no you're killing it out there are you enjoying this yeah but yeah it's been i mean you got your moment in the sun right now pal it's been it's been really fun you're murdering yeah i've been i've
been uh i feel super fortunate you know to be doing it and i'm having a great time i mean the i did a i signed up for a little too hectic of a tour but i actually am really having fun i have like the best [ __ ] crew which makes everything it makes the biggest difference oh yeah you know because i i travel with a tour crew like the bus and then tour manager driver tour director security guy like it's a crew that it's a good move to do with when you're doing a schedule that's as hard as yours yeah and they're great and it makes everything work and you know they become your second family yeah so we you know we have as many shows as we do it's [ __ ] we're out there man beautiful yeah i'm super lucky very blessed i'm proud of you man thank you thank you very much i really am it's very very inspiring your hustle your work ethic and just your success the just how [ __ ] funny you are and all the [ __ ] you're doing and the fact you have time to write a book and all this too yeah so it's out right now it's called uh i like to play alone please i'd like to play alone please and uh the tour um is it thompsongord.com yep topsail.com yep slash tour and um he's out there [ __ ] so many dates yeah yeah and uh in austin this weekend so follow find the scalpers you [ __ ] fine thanks joe my pleasure brother all right bye everybody [Applause] [Music] you