Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_np61LrdTu4
[Music] so explain so bogey what's the best is like what's a pro level golfer scratch that scratches if if you're if you're like pro level i would no it's a pros different so he's not playing from the tips oh by the way cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers gentlemen i miss you guys hell yeah so we should talk about how this podcast came about not me and bert bert and i got stem cells today at uh waste well shout out to brigham and then uh we got something to eat got some barbecue we were driving and i see this yellow corvette and i go is that the great and powerful tony hinchcliffe it's me at a red light and i go what are you doing he's like nothing chilling i go come do a podcast with us and so we're here i saw the car and i was like goddammit that's carly and wanted it's a [ __ ] badass car they're dope you guys are cool with cars man i wish i had better taste in cars move here you will it happens naturally what's wrong with your taste in cars i am an old man i like uh i i like to a sedan a big big-bodied sedan with a nice cool dark interior yeah like a like a chocolate interior you know you should get i was a new cadillac so i the car i wanted that i really liked was when they came back out with the continental oh they came back out with a connell i said that's my car i went and drove it and i it felt it didn't feel solid to me well get a mercedes i got a mercedes yeah i got the whatever the one the s-class yeah i think i don't know i'm not guy like what you have i don't even know what i have i know it's the big one you know the big one the big one but like i said one time i told someone it was uh amg because yeah because the wheels say amg right and then they were like and i [ __ ] up and i it turned into a drunk fight like [ __ ] you didn't get an amg and i was like yeah i think i don't know it says amg i don't know what the [ __ ] i have so i just got it tom's guy got it for me so you just don't have any interesting cards you wish you had an interest in cars i do because i
look at like it looks fun like it looks fun like when getting in your car today i was like that would be fun to have this yeah it would be you should get into cars does it get in the way you're drinking like no well number one i don't drive much because i do drink right it's like i'm never i never have driven to the store so as i heard someone talking about the parking rules at the store i was like who drives to the store and i literally said that i was like i get an uber to the store right have some cocktails right and uber home i'm really a stickler about drinking and driving good for you i don't drink and drive at all that's smart well yeah well and so uh like i said i wouldn't mind a sprinter sprinter van yeah driver i'd like a driver we talked about jamie and i talked about yes jamie and i talked about taking one of those sprinter vans turning into a mobile podcast studio uh stevo has that does he yeah stevo has it it's stevo's podcast is pretty [ __ ] awesome yeah he he does good [ __ ] interviews there's a smart guy he's a smart guy and he has this thing where he kind of i don't know if it's i don't know if it's his past life of like not seeing consequence but he doesn't have a problem asking a very uncomfortable question and he doesn't have a problem telling a good story that may be too much like he was told a story about him and bonnie is sharing it he is he's got joey diaz in there yeah he's great man and he's like one of the best two bears guest bears we've ever had is stevo really yeah i showed him my dick that made it a good show it was a [ __ ] it was like [ __ ] crazy like that like he's fun yeah he's just a fun dude i'm amazed at how healthy he is considering all the [ __ ] that he's done i mean that guy has beaten him his body up in a way that very few people have and still he's okay like he seems fine he's walking around it's crazy yeah he's brilliant i watched his uh special that he made and he mixed in actual like his own written jackass
style stunts into his thing into his stand up and like there's like parts where it goes back and forth and he does some of the funniest jackass style stunts i've ever seen he does this one where he's bicycling around like an actual pro bicyclist but but instead of wearing the tight black shorts he just painted his entire like penis and balls and up to his knees blatantly black and he's talking to people yeah he's naked he's naked and he keeps crashing his bike right around people and people like oh my god they want to like catch them and stuff and then they see it it's so funny he brought me over to his house when he was doing that he was like hey man would you come over my house and help me with my special i was like i don't understand what the [ __ ] he's talking about so i go over and he's got his special but his special he's also got these great clips he's got a clip he told tells a story on stage about swallowing an ounce of marijuana in europe and it getting stuck in his throat and then him having to go into the to the i'm not going to tell his own story it's this special but he's got some [ __ ] crazy stories and i'm sitting there watching it going like really thinking i mean i should have done this why didn't i do this for travel channel i have great stories of travel channel and show the footage tell the story yeah it's like really good he's a solid dude man i'm glad he's not sober he's one of the guys you go i'm glad he got sober yeah me too and then i and then i look at people that gossip over and get bummed out like brad pitt i'm like uh i wish you still partied didn't he get sober though because of his relationship like wasn't that probably one of the reasons why he was drunk like she she was mad at him yeah i guess i don't know i don't know them tommy knows them they're buddies there was like a thing where like something happened on a plane and when private jet they had to stop to emergency stops he was he was too drunk yeah i think his i'm not gonna speak for brad pitt i'm trying to get out of the business talking [ __ ] about people really
dude i've done that a lot it's boozing once you start boozing the lips start flapping and the words start flowing freely like last night at the vulcan yeah that green room was a lot of tea hot i love a good gossip session i do too it's important but there's like so much gosh of flowing around these days it's like it's intense it's almost like too overwhelming yeah like you look at some of the gossip going around and you're like i'm gonna need like half a day to sit and watch like four podcasts to figure out what's going on i just can't i'm so balls deep into this amber heard johnny depp podcast it's not podcast the you know the trial i can't stop yeah i was watching today today her attorney said i'm doing my best and she took a deep breath her attorney her attorney is in the middle of the whole thing she's like i'm doing my best in the middle of like questioning oh my god she's just giving up she's like this is [ __ ] done like i've got a crazy person as a client yeah i i don't know anything i know that she said that he beat her up and he said that she beat him up right well he has recordings of her admitting she beat him up there's no recordings ever of him saying that he beat her up there's no evidence that he beat her up there's no images of her battered and bruised like she said she said he punched her in the head and then the next day this photo's over and there's nothing wrong with her and he always wears rings and that's one of the things they confronted her on they said johnny always has rings on all of his fingers where's the marks on your face it's she's insane the best part though was her lying about donating the money to the aclu in the children's hospital she said yes i pledged the money and they go no you said you donated the money i i i did pledge the money now you said you donated the money that's not true that's incorrect i did i pledged the money and she keeps saying that i pledged the money like she's she's a literal insane person let me like she's nodding what you should see if you can find that clip and play it because it's so bonkers so
let me get this straight she is the whole reason this is happening correct he is suing her for defamation because she wrote a whole article saying that he beat her and she kept coming out and so like saying she's a victim of domestic abuse it's a 100 a smear campaign and so theoretically she could have just said hey it's not working out can i have a hundred million dollars i'll go my own way i don't think she got hundreds no but seven but he wouldn't have given her a hundred or whatever whatever i don't know the laws they weren't married for that long man she got seven million which is incredible yeah they're not sure i just want to make sure before we play it sort of yeah yeah yeah all right uh you just play it right there give me some volume calling me a liar making it impossible for me to move on we are facing ourselves yeah so that i wanted the truth i wanted him to clear my name and to leave me alone i've been saying that since 2016. so why did you donate 3.5 to children's hospital and 3.5 to aclu well i pledge the first half or 3.5 to no this is the wrong one because this is her attorney you want to get his attorney which is a woman her name is claire and she was she was uh cross-examining her and crushing her it was hilarious it's hilarious to watch because she's saying stop that's not what i said that's not what i asked i asked did you in fact not donate the money because that's not true i pledge them that's correct she kept saying i pledge the money and she's like that's like and this then she made this analogy she said when you buy a house you don't pay for it all at once you get a mortgage and it's like you're not buying a house you're donating the amount of money she's why i couldn't because johnny sued me and then they said but johnny didn't sue you until 18 months after you got that money it's so wild she's so crazy she uh yeah is this the right yes yeah yeah back it up a little back it up it's correct no backing up back it up that's correct you stated you would be donating october of 2018 you had received your entire 7 million divorce settlement you would agree with me that is correct okay
that's good right and you hadn't yet been sued by mr dub this is uh october correct so in this october 2018 interview you said that you had quote donated end quote your entire divorce settlement to charity right that's correct and in fact your exact words were quote seven million in total was donated to i split it between the aclu and the children's hospital of los angeles end quote right that's correct i made that statement as soon as i got a divorce and we reached the settlement that's when i pledged it right then pledged it and you say this because you quote wanted nothing end quote that is correct but you hadn't donated your entire entire seven million dollars settlement to charity at that point had you that's incorrect here it goes sitting here today ms heard you still haven't donated the seven million dollars divorce settlement to charity isn't that right incorrect i pledged the entirety of this settlement seven million to charity and i've earned sitting here today you have not donated the seven million dollars donated not pledged donated the seven million dollars divorce settlement to charity i use pledge and donation synonymous with one another and i don't miss her because she's not looking at her she looks at everyone else that's how donations are paid miss heard respectfully that's not my question as of today you have not paid 3.5 million dollars of your own money to be a seal reminder yes or no i have not yet and as of today you have not paid 3.5 million dollars of your own money to the children's hospital los angeles correct i have not yet johnny sued me so as of today you have not donated paid seven million dollars of your divorce settlement to charity right i have not been able to fulfill this book those uh obligations yet and that's because you did want
something didn't you i didn't want anything and i didn't get anything you wanted mr duff's money didn't get it wasn't interested in it i loved johnny that's why i was with him you wanted praise for donating the money right that's incorrect you wanted good press yeah in general one does want good press yes you wanted to seem altruistic publicly wasn't my interest my interest is uh in my name and clearing my name and at the time i was being called a liar and my motives were being questioned i did see it as important to clear that up i wanted to make a statement you wanted to remind everyone of your claims of domestic violence against mr depp right no i wanted to move on with my life you wanted to make those claims seem believable they are believable they were wanted them to be seen you wanted to be seen excuse me as a noble victim of domestic violence you never never wanted to be seen as a victim nor have i ever called myself one you testified on your eyes the entirety of your divorce settlement was donated to charity end quote didn't you that's correct i pledged the entirety here goes miss heard my questions your counsel will have time to redirect you after you testified under oath quote the entirety of your divorce settlement was donated to charity end quote that is correct i pledged the entirety i'm gonna move to strike everything after yes i'll sustain the objection and we'll just move forward let's move forward next question under oath that statement wasn't true was it misheard i'm sorry i don't follow your question sorry wow wow you testified under oath quote the entirety of my divorce settlement was donated to charity end quote that statement wasn't true
it is true i pledged the entirety to charity the statement when you say you buy a house you don't pay for the entire house you pay next question please thank you that statement isn't true today as you sit here today is it it is true i pledged the entirety but you didn't donate i wish i had amber hit her unfortunately you didn't donate it so yes or no i haven't been able to obligate i mean to fulfill those so that's the note right i am i made the pledge i want to be very clear i pledge the entirety i haven't been able to fill those pledges because i've been sued you had all of the seven million dollars for 13 months before mr depp sued you and you chose not to pay it to the charities you pledged it to isn't that correct i disagree with your characterization of that let's look at your sworn testimony from the uk dude his face when she said that was pretty funny but the lawyer were shaking his head when he hands her the note and he's like uh you might want to put this in there yeah well he was letting her know that she had that money for 13 months i need one of these lawyers when i fight with my wife i get tripped up so easily i think we get it i think we're good like here's the problem is that here's the problem well you're drunk you get tripped up oh oh yeah when i'm not drunk i get tripped up by the way if i had a lawyer that could pull up [ __ ] i said on podcasts it was like one time you were on two bears one cave you said you caught a rattlesnake when you were a child and i was like okay all right hold on okay uh i was [ __ ] up like this these they have every you have to be 100 accountable they have everything you've ever done they have teams researching everything you've ever done she is [ __ ] she's [ __ ] because here's the problem when you be i think i've seen this happen with other people when they get famous they think because they got famous and they did that magic trick that they're the one of the
smartest people in the world i've seen that happen to people where you go you're you still aren't smart you can get smarter you just can act good right yeah and that's what's wrong is amber heard actually believes she's a really brilliant person so she's smarter than everyone in that room not realizing that the [ __ ] eight that's running the the cross direct the you know amber heard the ten that eight is a smart [ __ ] and runs circles around her well she has the truth on her side that's the thing it's like you you can be smart as [ __ ] but if you are on the witness stand and you're talking about something that is as clear as you had money you didn't donate the money you said you donated the money but it's not true and your your work around is i pledge the money yeah and she's doing this i pledge the money and then she looks at the jury this weird nodding it's like you could tell like actor stuff is what it is this is what thinking looks like yes she can act like a smart person and she's trying to do that on the thing she's got no one on her team that's ever been straight with her right no one and she lives in a [ __ ] make-believe world she beat the [ __ ] out of johnny depp for sure and then thought i'm so smart with what's going on in this world i'm gonna throw him under the bus they're not even gonna ask a question and then i can do aquaman too and now she has [ __ ] up her career yeah when she could have just been yeah it didn't work four separate ways right and she would have still had a great career a great career right yeah i liked i liked amber heard even when they broke up by the way i'm a rider diver from johnny depp i still have a voicemail from him i'm not going to delete i switched phones i recorded them on my new phone so like it she [ __ ] everything up yeah she [ __ ] everything up yeah but she didn't think she was gonna she thought with the the way the public treats women in divorce settlements all you if you say that the man was abusive and you say that the man beat you and uh it's so crazy man it's so crazy to watch but this is probably the first
public thing where a guy who's a famous guy and a girl is a famous girl are in a spat and the guy's winning we've never seen one of these oh never never never cosby's probably gonna be going i wish i had johnny's team well he's out cosby's out yeah yes how's he sound escape he there was a [ __ ] but don't mind me i'm just cleaning up over here [Laughter] that's the worst cosby impression ever i'm bad at impressions that's like huggy the bear yeah he um he was released because if i i think if i remember it correctly the statement that he made in um he made there's some sort of a settlement that he had and part of the settlement was he would give this woman the money and he would make these statements but the statements could not be used against him yeah and so he made these statements isn't that how am i saying that right because the prosecutors violated mr cosby's rights by reneging on an apparent promise not to charge him the court majority ruled okay so uh the district attorney in montgomery pennsylvania outside philadelphia issued a news release saying that he had decided declined to charge mr cosby over the matter mr cosby then sat for depositions in a separate lawsuit against him by miss constand where he paid her 3.38 million dollars to settle in 2006 but a subsequent subsequent district attorney reversed mr castor's decision and charged the entertainer with assaulting misconstant after all in the trial prosecutors used what mr cosby had said in the deposition his admission that in decades past he had given quaaludes to women in an effort to have sex with them as evidence against him so that was it so we hold that when a prosecutor makes an unconditional promise of non-prosecution and when the defendant relies upon that guarantee to the detriment of his constitutional right not to testify the principle of fundamental fairness that under grids the due process under gerds rather do pro i don't even know what the word is undergird you ever heard that word due process of our law in our criminal justice system demands that the promise be enforced so they let him out
jesus i would love to hear cosby be 100 honest about drugging women i think he can i think it's like oj you know we were talking about this last night that if you like talk to oj's well i came home and uh you know i just i went to the airport just like normal everything was normal and then when i got to the airport there's a mr simpson we want to talk to you about the murder of your wife well what my wife was murdered huh [Laughter] i mean i was in shock i was despondent if i bet if you talk to him he would have this he was talking about the buffalo shooting the other day really yeah he was like sending his condolences twitter world and he's and he's given his condolences and the [ __ ] the the the comments are the best yeah there he is oh yeah oh yeah but the comments were like we know how against you uh against multiple people dying in one location you are yeah you got new bottom teeth it looks like did he it looks like it i love when people get new teeth and then it's like all you can see yeah those are brand new beautiful oh he got all new teeth nice teeth you think you'd ever do that he's like dude how why do you want him he's like i want him cheating well cheating on me with it [Laughter] cheating on me with a busboy white kind of white you could cut the neck off of you know what i'm talking about oh jesus [ __ ] i love the you watch a movie and the white teeth just pull me out i was gonna get my teeth done before i'm good right now i was gonna get my teeth done before i did the movie it was like oh you're gonna get it done i was just gonna go ahead and only teeth oh no i already have well first of all all my teeth are fake i got hit in the mouth of a baseball bat when i was 11. and so yeah yeah
damn yeah uh i have i haven't hit you in the mouth of a baseball bat i don't know the kid's name was it an accident uh no yeah it was an accident i was playing catcher it was a pass ball i took my mask it was my 11th birthday too took my mask off threw it down to uh third base and the kid brought the bat back hit my mouth cracked all my teeth back to like my molars like i like i ate a baseball bat let me see your teeth wow they look pretty [ __ ] good they're a [ __ ] mess right now but they look good for fake teeth yeah yeah yeah they look like real teeth and so i was going to get them redone and my wife's like no she's like no one will be able to watch your goddamn movie because i'll be looking at your teeth you don't you'll look weird with brand new teeth she's probably right yeah so i kept regular teeth conor mcgregor got new teeth they're [ __ ] so obvious they're like shiny pearly white and people like god look at his teeth they look ridiculous i'm like they look good yeah look at new teeth it's just teeth you know it's like they're these hard things you chew food with like the obsession with getting the ones that you're born with only seems a little odd yeah you know you want to know really dark [ __ ] that i found out from duncan george washington had fake teeth from slaves that he owned they pulled the teeth out of slaves and made him molars and made him uh dentures rather [ __ ] so look at george washington's teeth like find this so you know george washington had like this crazy setup those were teeth from his slaves i thought his teeth were made of wood or something no it's wood around it that's wood holding it in place that's his teeth that's what it looks like with springs oh [ __ ] so he had those springs in his mouth is that why his mouth was always like like he had look at that photo of him down there look how his mouth sticks out trying to hold his teeth down oh my god that's so nuts the springs kept the teeth in his mouth holy [ __ ] dude that's him down there with no teeth and a mouth full of slave teeth [ __ ] [ __ ] that's evil imagine him coming home
smiling at his slaves and they're like yeah those are my oh my god that's so crazy look at that that's what his teeth look like and they were all pulled from slaves god damn it i didn't how can we never learn that in school like for real why are we learning that now on the internet it's not like that it was a new story broke no it didn't he's been dead for 300 [ __ ] years how is it possible that this is coming out now you just need a cool history teacher like duncan would be a cool history teacher i don't do you think i mean obviously someone knew that otherwise it wouldn't be out there now so it must what grade do you learn that then because you can't teach that to a seven-year-old to like what maybe what does that mean they teach kids about slavery oh well yeah i guess yeah you learned about slavery pretty quick right slavery is almost it's basically pulling the slaves teeth out and slavery are both horrific there's no like one better than the other they kind of weigh i was just i kept slaves but i never pulled their teeth out like jesus christ you imprisoned a human being and robbed them of their literal life and made them work for you forever but they white they kind of whitewashed slavery up until roots came out like they didn't really dive into just how bad it was from what i from what i've heard until roots came out roots was the first representation of what of them when they crippled jody yes and they broke they hobbled him because he kept running away he cut the top of his foot off right yeah yeah yeah and that's how and then i think that was the first time that america was like i think was like had an open honest conversation about slavery yes yeah we have some explaining to do yes and that was probably one of the first times where reparations was brought up yeah that was probably the first because there's there's companies that to this day in their original origin like when they were around during slavery and they had slaves they profited off of slaves and they're still around those companies made profit that was the foundation of
the business that they enjoyed today and it came from slavery if anybody should pay reparations it's those people right it's the same with germany yes they use the jews to blow up big companies that are still around today what's the dude that did all the outfits vidal sassoon or something what who did all the outfits do they did on the outside it's uh gucci it's one of them it is this is a big one what are you saying yeah they did all the they designed the nazi oh my god that's why the nazis look so [ __ ] dope yeah their outfits are [ __ ] out of all the villains outfits that has been the standard prototype for what a villain should look like no doubt i did not know that hugo boss was around back then yeah big five name fashion designers who had ties to nazis whoa coco chanel louis vuitton christian christian do you want is there anyone above that above christian dior louis vuitton yeah i don't know what that is jamie knows all that stuff here how he says it's so comfortable like he's been saying it a lot i'm so stupid i see a word like that and i just go it's too big for me to say i'm gonna guess it yeah well dude when i do the uh post fight uh or uh weigh-in interviews rather weigh in reading people's names i'm [ __ ] terrible at that so because some of these names i'm just learning for the first time like guys who are making their debuts some of them they argue over how to say it like everybody argues over sometimes there's a few that i've noticed that literally they're like names evolve and change and stuff it's crazy i'm saying his name wrong now i'm certain i'm certain i am because he went on uh like seth meyers and was like yeah everyone's been saying my name wrong the whole time oh and and it's i think it's i think there's an m i don't want to [ __ ] it up because i like the guy but like i think there's an emphasis on the first part it's hassan oh hassan right that's not how you say his name his name
is fyodor igor's are not igor is there aigor igor i forgot to forget yes yes it's not igor we say igorks we learned it as kids as the guy that brought the thing igor come get my help but it's it's igor oh yeah well the russian language is so fascinating i mean it's it's so interesting like the sounds that they make yo you know it's like this weird movement of your mouth to to say all those fuel door fuel doors yeah you know it's like but for whatever reason they decided people can't say theodore so you're gonna call it fedor but people can say schwarzenegger yeah they can say arnold schwarzenegger that worked okay no but his doesn't pronounce that way you gotta do it i'm gonna start doing that you know like latino comics will uh when they bring them on stage like put your hands together for uh gabrielle iglesias put a spin on it i want to start doing that for me put it i like it i like it there's a lot of [ __ ] that's whitewashed about history that you find out later and you're like how am i just learning now that columbus was a [ __ ] like columbus was a horrible person yeah and like a literal serial killer like they came to the bahamas they saw the the natives that were living there they chopped people's arms off if they didn't give them enough gold they they bashed babies brains out on the rocks in front of their mothers they did horrible [ __ ] yeah shit's gotten so much better since then oh yeah like when you think about the idea of being enslaved is insane to me and what i'm saying that i'm not just talking about i'm talking about what the portuguese did down the coast of africa like there was this book called uh something about portuguese people and uh i listened to it on tape and they would have they would come down the coast of africa into trade and they'd say tell the king to send out his daughter we want her and then they'd be like and he'd be like i'm not sending out my daughter then like tell the king to come
out here and then they would [ __ ] in his throat and shove pork down his throat in the [ __ ] and then go back and go now send your daughter he'd be like hey i gotta go with these people the the god i wish i knew the name of that book what's the point of putting the poor congress that's it the conquerors roger crowley and then it talks in there about them shoving [ __ ] down his throat [ __ ] down a a muslim king's throat and then pour pork on top of the [ __ ] because you're not allowed to eat pork it's kind of crazy that there's so many countries that to this day speak portuguese because the slave trade like in brazil they speak portuguese it's not portugal it's south america but they speak portuguese and that's because of the slave trade it has to be it has to be portuguese portugal used to be one of the titans like that was like i mean think about they got the best property in all of europe they're right on that coast spain doesn't have that spain's got to go through a [ __ ] peninsula and then like out portuguese portugal had the best [ __ ] land i think google that um in brazil they speak portuguese because of the slave trade as a result portuguese is now the official language of several independent countries and regions angola brazil cape verde east timor guinea-bissau macau mozambique portugal and sao tor sao tomei and principe portuguese ranked fifth amongst world languages and a number of native speakers is also widely spoken or studied as a second language many other countries so uh portugal created the first and longest lived modern world colonial and commercial empire in the 1400s up until 90s 1975. wow but one of the ways they did this for sure is slavery oh yeah it's wild you read the [ __ ] about columbus it's it's scary it's terrifying because there's a day dedicated to this guy like i don't think they do it anymore right don't they call it indigenous people's day it depends where you are but in some places they still call columbus day it's on my planet calendar is columbus day that it's wild to give that guy a
holiday oh we lived in columbus ohio yeah jamie multiple statues of them there yeah oh that i didn't even realize that's the columbus yeah bro people that's so funny wait until you find uh santa maria ship there for up until maybe five six years ago really sitting in the on the river really since then oh like a recreation yeah but like full and it's now it's done someone's farm you know a lot of those building a lot of those ships rather they restore them they restore these old ships but the problem is where's the ship like what is that now that's a new ship it's not the old ship you put new wood in it yeah like if you put new wood and restore a ship that's not the ship anymore yeah this is not a house right yeah there's like this debate about that like woody like you know that story about the the fake leonardo da vinci painting are supposedly fake allegedly fake there's a a male mona lisa that's like jesus it looks like jesus and uh the original painting was retouched and redone by this woman painstakingly over years she essentially made a new painting but the painting sold for 450 million dollars and mbs from saudi arabia that's what it looked like when they got it and they had to take all these layers of shitty paint off and in the process the the art investigators or whoever it would be determined that there's a high probability that this is a leonardo da vinci it's a loss leonardo since then it's gone into a lot of dispute and there's objective art analysts that do not believe that this is a lost uh leonardo da vinci and then there's other ones that may be connected to it that do believe it it's the problem is the amount of money to be made off of leonardo da vinci was absurd so there's a certain amount of incentive for them to say that it was leonardo da vinci and i don't think it was substantiated before the auction so it was sold to the highest bidder which was 450 million dollars and then it came out like over time what the process was and the lost leonardo is a documentary that
i saw and it is [ __ ] wild to see what happened it's essentially like they all were like wink wink nudge nudge let's sell this thing as leonardo and let's sell this thing after this lady essentially repainted the whole thing i think there's a large percentage see what the percentage of this painting is redone it's a crazy percentage like you read it and you go what ninety percent like something nuts like that where it's a beautiful painting but it's really this woman who's an expert painter painting over this really old paint with new paint and they're selling it like an old painting like that's not really you know you painted on an old painting but it's not an old painting yeah i right that's why i don't buy art it's like what the i like you can't buy that kind of that kind of artist like look at the size of my dick art you know yeah i have 450 million dollars just slapping that giant dick on the table what what happens to those people why do they do that well i mean he's a prince in saudi arabia that's the least of the things that he's been accused of doing this is this is the guy that was accused of uh killing jamal khashoggi or having having too much watching some of that a very interesting thing they were bringing up is that uh you can store those paintings in the like the movie tenant it's about the yeah they store that ship while it's being stored there they can take out loans on that and get the loans tax free yeah it's like a way of moving money you have a 200 million dollar payment and you get two million dollar loan yeah no taxes yes yeah that movie tenant's so [ __ ] yeah it's a genius way of doing that and that's one of the reasons why i bet it's probably common to have fake paintings sweet is that what nfts are just a way to move money um that's no but that's kind of you can definitely probably put that in i'm sure that's happening they confuse the [ __ ] out of me dude yeah i know people that have gotten rich off of them like artists that have gotten rich off nfts i'm like okay okay okay i mean i'm not hating i just don't understand it i don't get it i don't i could get a photo of that and have that
photo on my phone and it looks exactly like what you have but you paid a million dollars so then what let's there he goes let's just if you send me a screenshot here he goes if you send me a screenshot of your bank account i don't have that money right so someone could buy that nft and that's why it's worth the million bucks that's only because of what's tied to the back end of it right yeah it's non-fungible bertrand i mean it's better i'm just saying that's it add this to the list of [ __ ] i'll never understand yeah it's on there i remember email was on there for a while for me i was like i remember i remember being in college and she was like so i need you for your assignment you're going to email the short story you wrote and i remember getting to my sitting in front of a computer going i was like cut and paste how do i cut it out of here like i remember going like do i actually cut do i print it and then cut it and then feed it back in or something i did i could not wrap my head around it and i and then and then this poor woman pat pac mcnulty was her name she sat with me and she was like it's an email i said i don't know what that is i was like i really what year are we talking 1997. well that's early yeah 97 was people when did you first email people right around that and then yeah yeah i think a little a lot of people weren't emailing in 97. yeah i remember i got an email address and and they were like i got the internet i had prodigy and all i could use it for was to get the lines for the sports scores and then check the weather but i was like i need to go outside i don't need to like look at the weather oh but i really didn't understand the internet for a very long time yeah i don't think most people don't understand the internet i remember getting an argument so like yeah one day you're gonna be shopping on the internet and i go okay you're telling me i'm not going to go to the grocery store and pick out the bread i want i'll just go
have bread sent to my house and now that's all we do you could literally say it into your phone that's what's crazy yeah you talk into your phone have bread delivered to my house it's insane we probably have seen the biggest change in technology in our lifetime oh yeah oh yeah maybe in human history in human history yeah in our lifetimes we've seen the biggest change in how people live their lives in human history first of all just the access to information just the fact that you like my kids do it all the time they ask siri questions like they don't know an answer to something they go hey siri you know what is the capital of the the country georgia you know and then boom they'll pull it up like there it is like you can do that now it's that was science fiction when we were kids everyone was dumb nobody had any data and the stories that people told they could be 100 [ __ ] because nobody could back them up nobody could go find them and find the data there was you'd have to go to a [ __ ] library to investigate there were probably so many more liars back then than now i bet the number of con artists has gone down i remember meeting a con artist freshman year college he was like a guy that just lived and lies and he lied to all of us and we all sat and listened and i loved the guy the guy was [ __ ] fascinating his life was amazing and and then and then one day uh that was at summer school and then people that knew him showed up to college and were like oh don't believe a word he said everything he said come says lie oh my i've actually looked for this guy i know he's changed his name i've looked for him a couple times he's probably got like a like some sort of a foreign name he was a good looking guy javier you know something like that something with some flair nobody ever goes with like a boring white he spoke portuguese or if we think he did we don't know because none of us fake portuguese dude this guy was so fun wow hey what percentage of the salvador monday was uh fake was uh retouched because it gets brought up in the documentary are we drinking this one it
relates tip that 90 of it was painted in the last 50 years 90 90 do you think they told that guy that before you spent 450 million bucks would it change your opinion of say uh ali wan ali wong's a safe place would you to change your opinion of ally wong if you found out 90 of her act was written by someone else yes yeah yeah yes because i i get i get weird about it because i go i didn't write it yeah gave me a great one one time oh you you wouldn't take it i wouldn't take it was awesome it was a great one you got to take tags i take tags tags i had a joke about dating a black chick i wanted to date a black chick and uh that was like an act out story about wanting to date a black chick and then he said you need to start that with i want to date a black chick just as long as she's never had sex with a black guy and i was like oh that's so [ __ ] funny i wish i had thought of that what is daniel tosh doing he's there actually tonight what he's here tonight where he make or could be this weekend i remember seeing an ad that he was in town this weekend no [ __ ] no way i've talked to that guy in forever he's say hi to him he's great he's a sweetheart of a guy he's very smart too very smart and we we both dislike the same people it's fun it's fun to have conversations with them to tomorrow tomorrow and friday um that's dope i got tomorrow off movie theater at the moody oh that's that's oh yeah just tomorrow just thursday just thursday okay maybe you have to say hi to daniel tosh he was i met him right when we had when we had georgia i did the miami improv and uh we're very very different men you know like the things you like yeah yeah scary nope weird for real yeah i'm partying my dick off and he's stoned
sober does he even get high nothing he didn't do anything wow and uh but we like we liked each other like we got we got along really well and then i got back to la and he called me and he was like hey man i want to get you in at the comedy magic place and he like vouched for me and i went down like he's just a really sweet guy he's a good dude i remember we were broke too and he came to play poker with me and he went came pick me up and uh and i said leanne hey guy 100 she said we don't have it and he goes and i said no i know i know but give me the bank card and i'll go get it she goes no we don't have a hundred dollars babe come on i just need a hundred dollars i'm gonna play poker tonight i'm not gonna lose i'll bring back money the money she goes no we don't have it and daniel goes i'm so uncomfortable right now he goes can i just give you a hundred dollars and i said yeah and we walked out he gave me a hundred bucks to gamble with he goes i'm so uncomfortable right now wow you were ready to gamble you didn't have 100 bucks well i didn't know that i didn't have a hundred bucks i'm not i've never been on top of my finances joe but that's that's not on top of it that's not even in the remote vicinity of your finances yeah if you're down to a hundred dollars that you don't have that's what's the brokest you've ever been i've been broke as [ __ ] cars repossessed like so broke all you're eating is peanut butter and garlic yeah eating ramen yeah yeah yeah broke as [ __ ] it's an early comic it's so broke yeah just barely eating enough you know look 40 gigs i i would get gigs at dangerfields in new york city because dangerfields you get a free cheeseburger and they made a they made a great cheeseburger at dangerfields so i would take gigs just that would be my dinner i knew knew that i had food the seller was like that for a lot of people yeah oh yeah because that's a nice thing that's a nice thing if you have that the problem is like serving food at a comedy club sucks then the people are eating
looking up they're not paying attention to show they should be watching the show when you're serving food it's like i mean it's convenient if you want to just eat something but really it should be like two separate things there's a restaurant next door you eat at the restaurant then you go and watch the show and you don't eat food in front of you you know but yeah i was broke as [ __ ] man how are you gonna how are you gonna give that to your kids you ever think about that you can't they have a different life their life is the life of somebody went through that there's no way you can change that unless you wanna like subject your kids to abject poverty and like abandon them somewhere and make them treat them like [ __ ] they should have like an escape room for that for rich people drop your kids off for two weeks they just scare the [ __ ] out of them like what is this they're just eating stuff out of a poor person's refrigerator oh kids this is welcome kids this is american cheese that's it this is government cheese american cheese is [ __ ] awesome oh i agree i mean government cheese is crazy like they would just you're poor you don't have any food there's give you a block of cheese that is terrible cheese really yeah you ever have government cheese i never had the government cheese i always thought that was just a figure of speech no it's real i don't know something black comics talked about yeah that's all i've ever heard is black comics talk about government cheese look at ronald reagan holding up the government cheese and knowing what you know about george washington now doesn't that make you sad god look at that could imagine chewing that government cheese with those george washington teeth i'm gonna be thinking about those george washington teeth for a long while man that's wild what's also wild was those i always wondered why his cheek stuck out yeah and now you know why his cheeks stuck out because he had [ __ ] springs in him you should check out some of the podcasts that shane and louie did about pet presidents it was amazing it was amazing yeah they did a little
seriously they go through the president yeah oh really louis ck knows a shitload about u.s president so much that sauger and jetty uh from uh uh breaking points did a whole thing on it about how knowledgeable louis c.k is about u.s history that he's more knowledgeable than him and soccer knows i mean he knows everything about politics he's like the most knowledgeable political guy or one of that i know so they hear him say that louis ck like knew [ __ ] that he didn't even know yeah he's like like done deep dives on the u.s presence louis is smart as [ __ ] man he's smart as [ __ ] he's a comic he's crazy but he's smart as [ __ ] yeah and um those guys together like shane knows a shitload about history too shane is a very smart guy like a like an undercover smart guy undercover meaning he does not look like a person with intelligence he acts like he's not smart he acts like a big silly drunk goose yeah you know he did a podcast with us you know we did that protect our parks podcast yeah he drank 15 beers i've seen that before 15. he's fun to bring on tour with by the way three hours he drank 11 on kill tony and that's only an hour and a half that's insane that's a pace boy yeah but he's good he's good in like taking a night off yeah yeah he's uh he's he's legit like because i love partying with shane he's a funny comic too man he's already fell he's dude he we did uh the celeb uh the celebrity theater not not in arizona yeah and he got a standing ovation uh just opening a standing ovation opening up for me wow yeah i'm bringing him on fully loaded we just added him to fully loaded yeah that's awesome that celebrity theater is tight that's a good theater man he's fun and he's a good he's a good comic meaning he he watches you he talks to you about what you're doing and he's like gives you good like hey yeah i like what you're doing with this louis is the same way louis louis came and did a show was doing a show at a theater next to me and i texted him and i was like hey i'm in the theater next year i got two shows if you got one stop by
i did i tell you this already i might have told you this yeah it's okay but he didn't tell me on here so and he goes uh we're backstage and i go hey man you wanna go on and he was like are you sure about that and i was like yeah man i don't give a [ __ ] like you're my friend you've always been nice to me like i'll stand behind you please go on i didn't realize he was saying are you sure about that because he's like do you want me to go in front of you and then you're gonna have a [ __ ] pretty big hole to dig out because i'm louie [ __ ] ck and he murdered with 10 minutes of pedophile jokes and i got on stage and i could not i was like struggling they were my fans i ripped my shirt off and they're like it's not louis though wow there's a special kind of thing that they do right they they they love that shovel like 20 30 year comedy bags i just had joe just went up before me in phoenix and i was saying to the guys in the green room i'm like you hear that that's some that's an extra little volume oh oh there's an extra hit when you know you're burying one of your buddies it's like it wasn't supposed to be there it was a guest i was a guest set so when i went up it was they were extra excited because they didn't know i was going to be there and i told him he could do as long as he wants so he's got a 30 minute shovel i'm about to do an hour i'm like oh dude yeah you'll find your pacing after those but it definitely reminds you how much better other guys are like it really like that louis thing when we started booking fully loaded they were like who do you want i was like obviously a tell i remember them and it's the same thing they're like where are you gonna put them in the lineup and i was like oh [ __ ] i was like can we have an intermission and then so i was like [ __ ] it add as many comics as we can and we'll just go one chunk intermission another chunk and just and it's gonna be it's gonna be hard because you got murderers top to bottom but that was the
thing with oddball right because there was a lot of guys that didn't even like each other right and they were all touring together because they had to be on this one show with like 20 comments it just didn't work because there's a bunch of different types did you do oddball yeah i never did i was supposed to and they pulled me they told you bottom bottom of the barrel of my life i remember that more than anything they uh i don't know that i just got pulled i was i remember i was talking to tom this is right when we're doing the fat shaming thing i get fired from travel channel right leanne's redoing our house i'm supposed to do oddball i clear out my schedule no no i'm just doing oddball for the next four months three months i remember being on the phone with tom and i was like and i was like they pulled me and he was like oh [ __ ] man i'm sorry that's a lot of money and i said oh that's not that much money and he goes what i was like yes i mean i was i was getting two grand a show and he was like oh know you weren't getting two grand he goes nope what are you getting yours i'm afraid to tell you i was like just tell me he's like is this gonna [ __ ] up our friendship i was like i had to sit and think i go can i hear this can i hear because it may and i'm like it'll be five grand it'll be five grand ten grand tops and he told me and it was much much more than that and i was like holy [ __ ] and it put in perspective where i was in stand-up comedy where i was just cause you hadn't been doing it you had been doing the travel i've been doing travel channel yeah but you rebounded nicely about figured it out [ __ ] yeah dude you figured it out i mean i remember having those conversations with you like you shouldn't be doing this you know it's it's short-term money with no end there's no like goal that you could reach where it's it's worth it it's like you're always going to be working for somebody you're always going to be doing something other than stand-up comedy and you're going to be trapped there's no way out of that yeah and you know fortunately you you had
balls and you [ __ ] went for it i was telling tom yesterday we were talking about just how like uh how when the the algorithm just doesn't make sense when you're not succeeding in comedy you're like what do i do how do i get people to my shows i remember sitting back at the bar at the improv with at the store with you and you're like you need to get a netflix special and i remember just going like how and you're like be undeniable and i was like that was the only thing that made sense to me was like every time you step on stage stone sober be undeniable stone sober murder top to bottom no prisoners be undeniable and i remember going i wrote that in my joke book be undeniable everywhere and then you get the ones but you have this [ __ ] netflix special and you and i and i was like oh my my mantra was be undeniable this will be the best thing you've ever done i i told the girls goodbye i went on the road three months straight before that special every [ __ ] day monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday monday no tour bus flying from city to city just doing that hour running that hour running that hour rethinking the hour listening to people all i thought about was that [ __ ] hour because that mantra be undeniable was in my head that's my mantra for everything people can talk all kinds of crazy [ __ ] but when you're undeniable they can't say anything yeah you could you could break through you can do anything you want if you get to a point you get to a skill level you get to you know a refinement of this creation that you put together that is just rockstar people cannot like it because there's a lot of amazing [ __ ] that people don't like they just have different tastes but as to whether or not you're competent whether or not you're doing well you just have to be undeniable and as a comic comic is uh being a comic is one of the rare legitimate meritocracies like if you [ __ ] kill people want to see you and they want to come back and see you again and you make them feel good and as long as you're not an [ __ ] like to other
comics or to booking agents where they don't want to use you like [ __ ] that guy i don't care if he's funny that can trip up careers and it's tripped up a lot of people's careers but other than that if you're funny you [ __ ] make it you just keep going and it finds a way everything works itself out if you're if you're funny yeah it's uh it's kind of a cool business to be a part of because it's it's almost like panning for gold i think because all i do is think about jokes that's all i do all i do is yeah ideas are so much [ __ ] fun they are like panning for gold right yeah neil brennan said that he thinks of ideas as like uh fish that he catches in his net and the net is the joke book so it's like like it's next to a river and there's a bunch of fish going by and just catches them he writes it in the notebook the notebook is like a net it's so fun too like this is why i went up on stage drunk last night because it's fun no you were there drunk i was i showed up drunk yeah you didn't have like a this wasn't like a decision no no well i could have just said i don't want to do it but i i'm bored of my act i was i was with my parents i was like i'm bored of my act i'm bored of my act uh and i was like i need to go up drunk and and try and [ __ ] it up a little bit because if you [ __ ] if you [ __ ] up your act you're forced to think in the moment and then read and then and that is how you can [ __ ] find solves for stories yeah and so i have one story that does have a good ending and i need to find the ending and i was like and i was like i find it in there somewhere and and uh i didn't yeah but that's the thing man just like keep putting yourself in that spot and you'll find it you'll figure it out there's many times where there's a new thing that's happening and i'll just talk about it i'll just go on stage and you as long as i know i have material before material afterwards and i dig myself out i'll just go let's see what we got it here you never know because you're in that weird performing mindset and you can't recreate that you can't recreate
the feeling of all these people watching you and you being back up against the wall pressure and you're thinking on the fly yeah hard to do it's so great though when you get the thing when you get the when you stumble on it i don't what do you think's better okay so you figure it out on stage that first time and you know the next time it's gonna murder you don't do it that first time you figure it out and you go oh [ __ ] as you get off stage you go i figured it out i'm going to do it is that the better feeling or is it the next time when you do it for the first time and it works i think the first time a bit kills like it's a brand new bit like there's been times that i've i've had an idea in the day and i sit down and i write it out and then i maybe write it on a piece of paper and i've gone on stage and it murders and it is the wildest feeling it's like it's so much better than any i have bits that i get i know i'm going to hit them and it's going to be boom i know where the punch lines are but then there's stuff like that that it's just like it's like a gift from the universe it didn't exist before and now you have it and now you go up and do it the first time you ever kill with a joke is the greatest feeling in comedy oh it's because you're laughing at it you're you're you know it's funny to you it's like you're just hearing it you know you're hearing it out loud for the first time really because like when you come up with an idea it's in your head you're like oh how do i phrase it and then you write it out and or maybe you you know you say it to somebody and you go tell me what you think about this but when you go on stage with it and it murders for the first time that's the first time the audience is hearing it it's the first time you're really performing it and you'll think it's funny so it has like this extra crackle because they know you're laughing too like there's nothing worse than the fake laugh yeah the fake laugh is horrible the the bad fake laugh oh the comics on stage like the work and they do it every time they do the bit like we know it's there's times when you're saying something you're just feeling it and you're having
fun you just laugh but it's a it's a real laugh but that if you're fake laughing with every other bit like ugh that might work if you're in row 10. yeah you know what i mean it might work and if you're in row 30 at a comedy club it's not going to work in the front row the front row people are gonna be like look at this fake laugh how weird is this god help you if they see you twice yeah fake laugh twice in the same spot right like you can't i can't i can't if you do one of those i i can't let me get through this i can't i'm cracking myself up so much right now there's some people that are like really bad with the fake laugh like it would make some comics angry oh they'd go oh the [ __ ] fake laugh they'd walk out of the room oh yeah uh have you ever done a table read and you do the fake laugh uh yeah the worst or a run through and all the writers laugh really loud at the bits that they wrote like they're trying to like give you support so they're laughing along with it like in a supportive weird way you can tell who writes the joke based on who's laughing yes 100 without a doubt and it's one of the things like that made me hate writer's rooms made me want to get out of there i'm like oh this part sucks like the coming up with jokes and making each other genuinely laugh in the moment like something breaks on the news and you guys are just cracking up that part's amazing but yeah once you do the first read in front of the execs back then like it's just a nightmare i'm like oh this is all fake this is all nothing like a bad joke is that has the same value as a brilliant joke now if everybody's laughing the same right you'll never know what's the good spot what the good stuff is yep isn't it weird that we are that laughter so contagious that they use fake laughter on television shows to let you know where you should laugh yeah how weird is that have you seen the ones where they pull the laughter out oh like of the big bang theory yeah yeah it's
amazing and they pull the laughter out and it's just awkward madness it's a madness it's like what is what kind of art form is this this is so strange this is like you're showing me this some weird deluded world that doesn't exist where people have like they're they're like three-quarter people they're not like 100 people they're they're missing a lot of their emotions and the weird like everything's flat flat and strange and everybody talks in like these i'll say something then you say something then i'll say something then you say something no one talks over anybody there's no stumbling of words yeah so weird andy kaufman had beef with it all the way back then yeah i remember him saying like that's the laughter of dead people and to think that it stayed one of the main sources of comedy entertainment for so long after that well it kind of still is around right miss pat does it with a live audience she's probably the only one doing it well right now this past show is awesome it's a very good show it's a very good show i was uh like legitimately impressed because you know when your friend does a show you're like i hope it's good i watch your show and she wanted to come on with the executive producer who's a really young guy yeah a really smart guy he knows a lot of [ __ ] about like old hollywood and movies but um when i watch her show i'm like this is a good [ __ ] show like this it's you know it's good that it's on a streaming platform too because it'll show that it grows there and it'll get a chance to take legs but that could be anywhere and as a matter of fact i think it might be somewhere else i think it might be it's on paramount plus is that what it is so whoever owns bet which i think is paramount plus is now its own paramount plus oh that's what it is okay cool but you know that the world of those shows is an odd world man there's so many egos and so many ideas have to like come together in a perfect convergence to make a show
and then everybody wants to take credit for it it's like it's all so weird man and then you have the weirdness of the actors like they want to be billed on the on the like when they read the credits that's important like what number you are i remember i was over callan's house once and uh he had this actress lady that he was having relations with and she made a snide comment about someone being like the fourth name on a sitcom like the fourth you know like how i don't know what the term is that fourth lead is that what it is the fourth lead is that what they say i think that's how they describe the order whatever it was when they were reading off like that was her insult about this person that please he's the fourth lead on some sitcom like they don't even read his name first they read his name fourth i'm like that's an insult like she's an out of work actress yeah she's not working she's probably working as a waitress but her insult was that there was this person and they don't read his name quick enough when they read the names out for the stories so there's this whole weird social hierarchy to the show it wasn't like everybody's name on the show tony hitchcliff burke crusher joe rogan all together one one picture no yeah it's like bird crusher tony hinchcliffe like and if you got fourth it's like nobody gives a [ __ ] about you they could write you out you could die in a car accident you're not necessary for this show actors are uh actors are are crazy yeah i mean just not amber heard she's fine she's she is the ultimate crazy lady that's like an interview with bigfoot like look we got one like we got there it is there it is this is what we've been telling you about this is a real one i mean imagine what it has to be like to only do that the imposter syndrome has to be completely overwhelming you didn't write anything you no one you someone else told you how to do that they bent your motion look this way chin up let's do it again do it slower take a pause between this nothing is under your control but
but i don't i don't think they get that i don't think they get imposter syndrome well imposter syndrome is the opposite way and imposter syndrome is like you become like super famous and super wealthy and like you're like you're a football player and you don't believe it's real you're like they're going to find me out like this doesn't feel real like that happens to a lot that's happened to me it happens to a lot of people they get they get successful and they they go i i'm fraud this is fake even though people love you they'll you go out and kill and you're like i feel like an imposter because it's so strange it's a new identity and that new identity is very difficult for you to to relate to because it's not most of your life most of your life is tony hinchcliffe regular guy from columbus ohio and all of a sudden it's tony hinchcliffe you know successful comic and you're touring and you're killing everywhere and you go on stage and they're cheering like you feel like an imposter that's imposter syndrome what they are is just crazy yeah they they are good at pretending to be a thing and some of them are cool as [ __ ] there's a lot of very cool actors very cool actors johnny depp's very cool but some of them are just complete insane people that know how to manipulate and play this game and they get deeply embedded into the hollywood system they become friends with casting agents and producers and executives they go to the right parties they say the right things they shake the right hands they look good they're attractive and charismatic like her and next thing you know they're famous but they're legitimate sociopaths like legitimately insane people and there's not just one of those out there there's a [ __ ] ecosystem of them there's a [ __ ] ton of them we know some of them that are comics there's a bunch of them and they're psychopaths and they you know they're out there acting like normal people they're like vampires just like living amongst regular people just pretending and making their way through but they're not they're they're crazy people they steal ideas they're they backstab people they lie about being beaten up you know like this one yeah that's this is that's that is also what happens in show business because
the kind of person that wants an exorbitant amount of attention oftentimes has an exorbitant amount of damage in their life so then i i i wanted to be like those people so bad when i got to hollywood like be someone who knew a casting director's name or like or like knew anyone or went to the parties i wanted to be like that so bad and i just i couldn't help but be me and who i am is not very conducive to those moments well you know back then they didn't know that you being you was an actual business model you know what i'm saying yeah yeah like back then they would go you can't be that you know you're gonna have to clean up your act because we got to present you with something that you're not to make you more marketable yeah they didn't they didn't have a youtube they didn't have a podcast they didn't have a venue an avenue where you could do a special you know back then if you got a special man how many people got an hbo special yeah it's like [ __ ] 80 murphy got one richard pryor george carlin a few kennison few people got him but it wasn't like every week you have a new netflix special like there's so many new netflix specials i took a [ __ ] at a casting director's house one time you took a [ __ ] there well i had to take a [ __ ] and i get it and i took a [ __ ] and [ __ ] someone was like they told her and and she was like you [ __ ] at my house and i was like well yeah you have a toilet what what do you use it for like i didn't it was a part of the upset house i was like i don't know man i've had a few people be upset that i [ __ ] at their house it's crazy that people get upset that you [ __ ] at their house what a weird question did you [ __ ] at my house wouldn't you just [ __ ] in my house run away and go go to the forest yeah the [ __ ] do you want me to find a gas station it was the party where you were all white what's that party it's like late memorial day or labor day yeah it was a labor day party everyone was joined yeah yeah yeah yeah [ __ ] are you in you're in the grand wizards did you have a cape
why the mask on i was like how did you know it was me yeah people that get upset that you take a [ __ ] like what are you living in some weird little kid world where you pretend people don't [ __ ] it's unfortunate if someone like if someone comes over my house and i open up the door after they took a [ __ ] i'm like jesus i don't say anything i just go oh boy people do that people [ __ ] at your place for sure people [ __ ] in my house i sit at our doctor's house today good yeah he heard it too i took his [ __ ] and then i heard him making coffee i was like well if i can hear him making coffee he can hear this bombs going off i've taken like four shits today i don't know what's going on it's called goody i'm [ __ ] here i sit at the restaurant i sit at the doctor's house and i [ __ ] when i woke up welcome to texas my friend definitely yeah that's how we do it here we're eating a lot of steaks we had ribs today yeah it's your it's normal to take a [ __ ] if you're inviting people over your home and you don't want them to use your restroom you're a weirdo yeah it was so bizarre and then right jimmy yeah i mean yes are you do you have an issue with people [ __ ] in your party no but i know people have like don't use that bathroom that's you know i don't know what they haven't done good bathrooms that's how james brown wind up shooting at somebody he got in a um an arm chase with the cops you know that uh james brown mug shot that i have out there yeah that's what he got arrested for james brown got arrested because he was in a gun fight with the police because he pulled a shotgun out on some dude he was using his bathroom are you serious some guy was taking a [ __ ] in his own personal bathroom and he got mad i'm pretty sure that's the case google that just in case but i think i'm 99 sure that that's the case because i remember laughing at it yeah on this date december 15 1988 james brown began serving six-year sentence for carrying a deadly weapon at a public gathering attempting to flee police and driving under the influence of drugs as reported as 2006 new york times obituary rumors of pcp of a pcp habit had already surfaced by the time his erratic
behavior came to a head in september when he reportedly stormed into the insurance company next to his office waving a shotgun and complaining that strangers were using his bathroom yeah it might have been the drugs or someone took a [ __ ] in his bathroom maybe just had a thing about them doing that god i wish i met him yeah he would have been a fun guy to me yeah sweet who's on your list then he's one of them prince was another one well it continues oh continues it gets worse here it goes when the police arrived brown led them on a high-speed chase through georgia and south carolina oh my god he tried he tried to ram police cars with his pickup truck they shot out two of his tires he drove on the rims for six miles years later this episode would frame the 2014 brown biopic get on up wait was that jamie foxx in there in that who's in the biopic i don't know jamie foxx plays r uh played pitchers i don't know who played james brown i don't know that bible really wow no [ __ ] i bet this is [ __ ] good chadwick boseman was a talented [ __ ] dude did you ever see the video where he gets interviewed by this woman and she's asking him whether or not he's going to do black panther 2 and he goes well i'm dead so i can't and she goes no don't say that he goes but i am but i'm dead wow because he had cancer and he knew he was dying like he was real thin at the time and he hadn't announced it to anybody he was like smiling when he said it fine see if you can find that because it's yeah that sounds good somebody sent that to me on instagram yeah i saw that i was like oh my god this is crazy you gotta give respect to those people that don't tell you they're dying nor mcdonald's nor mcdonald i would be the exact opposite probably i i can't help myself i can't wait for those 3 a.m phone calls should have listened to you joe here i am you guys heard about that
specialty shot right yeah nor mcdonald yes there's a special that's going to come out on netflix any more idea when i thought it i don't know man i mean why isn't it out already it's him just doing it alone in a theater what i think that's what i was told here it is like listen to this i'm already dead he said i'm panther too anything i'm good no we're not ready for you to be dead chad oh man whoa whoa knowing he's dying of cancer and had been for years not telling anybody and then saying that like that how unfair do you think you have to believe life is if you've worked your whole life you you change superheroes forever and then you realize i don't get to feel it i don't get to write it out well that's not a fairness burst no helen i said unfair didn't i yeah it's not unfairness it's not fairness just [ __ ] sucks you know it's not it's no one it's not fair for anybody to be black panther you know there's millions of people you know like nothing's it's not fair for you to be bert pressure there's no fair no yeah like when someone becomes very famous and then it gets taken away from it's not fair nothing's fair it's never fair for you to get there in the first place like that you get you get to achieve your dreams and then you find out you won't get to see how much fun they could have been yeah what do you think about them doing a black panther 2 with someone else because people like that is blasphemy like you shouldn't do that you mean with a white guy i like it he's got a mask on you can't tell why don't they i mean i think he would probably want someone else to do it i think so all those people that work together on that movie uh i mean it wouldn't be look think about how many spider-mans have been how many batmans have there been have they been like four four or five hulks right yeah you're right but it does feel sacrilegious to right because he's dead because he's dead
and we didn't know about it and it and it the way it happened was just like so like [ __ ] the spider-man thing's kind of gangster they just make a new one they go yeah we're tired of paying you that much we're gonna get some [ __ ] 20-year-old kid is that what they do i mean that's what i would do if i was some gangster hollywood executive type guy and i was like listen we can pay this peter parker 20 million bucks a film or we could pay this guy a hundred thousand and make him a star we sign him to a three picture deal where he gets the same amount of money per movie and at the end of that we go hey we got this new guy named tom holland and we really think he's gonna be good at the role and we're gonna just start the [ __ ] movie from the beginning they tell the whole story again just slightly different he gets bit by aspire to become spider-man how many [ __ ] times are they going to tell us the same story that we have seen over and over and over again well they've done it already like three or four times with toby maguire might have got tired of doing spider-man and they may maybe moved on you know he does a lot of other movies i mean who knows no i think they have to make a spider-man every year i'm not even joking oh really or they lose their contract to spider-man well spider-man's in a weird place sony owns the rights to spider-man like the character it's in marvel but sony owns the rights and fits right so like when they were going to make the avengers they made a big deal they made a trade sort of like a sports trade where they're like we'll let you borrow spider-man for a few movies and we'll you you'll let us do this i forget what they gave him in exchange so like that's why that last movie was such a big blowout they're like it's our last movie we get to make with them go balls the wall make a [ __ ] crazy movie like the morbius movie is in spider-man's uh world but has nothing to do with the marvel stuff um the the new one is interesting because it's in the metaverse so they have all the spider-man's coming together which is
very weird like how strange is that and they're like all out trying to out peter parker each other because they're all peter parker they're just peter parker from different dimensions oh well i i don't even know what metaverse is yeah you're right uh multiverse excuse me um yeah what they're doing is interesting because they started that with that other one the cartoon what was the cartoon again to the spiderman to the spider-verse so into the verse was there's multiple universes yeah and that this is one spider-man there's another spider-man and another universe and that you know you can kind of people could travel back and forth through universes that was the first time they had really uh implemented it just updated it with the new doctor strange movie yeah so everything is multiverse now it's really interesting because what it does is as a tool as a writer and as a tool for the people that are creating the film it allows you to there's no timeline is locked in you can do whatever you want you could have people come from other dimensions you could enter into the dimensions you go back and forth you could just you don't you're not locked into you know 2022 living in america this is where it's going down the aliens have landed no you go back and forth in time you disappear you come back you have other doctor strangers come from other dimensions oh wow yeah i like the multiverse it's pretty dope it's crazy have you seen that new movie everything everywhere all at once no but i keep hearing amazing things about it yeah we just saw it this past uh did you go to movie theater weekend yeah look at you like a regular person yeah i like it yeah how was it tell me what it's it's it's a multiverse yeah kind of movie she ends up figuring out how to um uh switch into her different lives and like take different times uh different lives that she's lived throughout all of time wait what the [ __ ] fast forward and rewind and use these things to our advantage and try to accomplish things it's crazy i love time travel yeah it's wild everything everywhere all at once you know that was the that was the theory
that terence mckenna had to the thing that's gonna change the universe is that one day someone's gonna invent a time machine and that when they invent a time machine all time ceases to become linear so you think if you have a time machine well i'll just go back to the time where they're making the pyramids and i watch them do it that's not what it works like what he was saying you can't travel where there are no roads so once a road gets built then you can travel so once a time machine gets invented then anyone from the invention of the time machine forward to forever can come back to that moment and can go to any point in time from that moment to the end of time so all time ceases to be linear so there's no like tomorrow will be wednesday and the next day will be thursday no no it's everything happens everywhere all at once so people can travel back and forth through time you can never own anything because someone could just travel through time and take it away from you when you weren't looking like like as time travel gets more and more sophisticated you can go back and forth in time while you're talking to people you know if you don't like what you said you could rewind and start all over again if you're in an argument with your wife you can go to the library and get information and come back and go actually you know herodotus once said and then bam your wife thinks you're the smartest guy in the world like this but it would it would would there would be no normal life anymore it would like the world itself would be completely unrecognizable because time would mean nothing you'd be able to travel back and forth through time all right so then so then where would you go right now just if i do we can time travel right now go back in in the past in the past what's one thing you'd like to see again see that would be a different kind of time travel that's an unrealistic theatrical version of time travel because like you said once time is invented once time travel is invented that's the time you can start traveling so you can so you can't go before that right so so like here we are it's may of 2022. if time travel is
invented in june we're not going back to april you can't go back to april okay but you can go to from june to a million years in the future and see what people look like you'll be able to do that but they'll be able to come back too and everything's going to be happening everywhere all at once there's not going to be any sort of structure to life there's not going to be anything in terms of money possessions as long as you could freely time travel there will be no time everything's going to be moving around and and also instantaneously you'll become immortal because whatever we have right now in terms of technology what we're going to have in a million years is going to be god-like and you're going to be able to travel to that if in fact that actually does even take place because the question becomes like what is the future if time travel does exist so if time travel exists in june of 2022 is there even a future like does it even take place because how can anybody invent things when they can just travel to a point where someone invented it already but how are they going to invent it already if you can just travel to the future and do they invent things still or do people if they do invent things how does what's to stop people from going back before them and taking the idea and introducing it before that thus there'll be no intellectual property because there'll be no way to say you came up with it first it won't exist carlos menci will be the greatest comedian in the world just smashing wow that think about that is there someone working on time machine machines right now there's got to be right well there's a guy named ronald millette i think he's out of the university of connecticut if you google this and he's got the craziest spider-man character uh origin story his father died and he became obsessed with time travel because he wanted to go back in time and save his father so he became a professor studying time travel and he came up with a workable model of a time machine but it requires immense immense power that's him ron millett built a device that illustrates the principles he believes could be used to build a time machine
but he was one of the people that came up with the first one of the first people to come up with the real realization or the revelation that once that time machine was invented from vietnam yeah it's but it's i mean it is really like a comic book superhero sort of uh origin story isn't it yeah it's a great origin story yeah so this guy has become obsessed and has been working on it for decades and they think they have a working model of you know like at least a theoretical model of a time machine but it just requires like the power of the sun it requires immense power i think there's a guy from i think the early 19th century kurt godel he wasn't from the early 19th century early 20th century and he had a working model of the time machine too but it involved something as large as like the solar system like you you needed like a machine the size of a solar system or something something crazy yeah kirk odell 1949 found a solution to the field equations of general relativity which described a space-time with some unusual properties this godel universe permitted closed time-like curves hence the kind of time travel and it did not admit decomposition into the successive moments of time yeah so he had i didn't understand any of that sentence i mean like that's i'm so i'm like so stupid that if i think if i start to realize what that means it gives me a panic attack like as you talk about there's no anything ever anywhere or when you just mentioned the universe and i realize there is there is there is something really up there like this yeah it's not just up there it's out there yeah it's all around you that i don't like infinity i'm that i god [ __ ] gives me a panic attack and immediately yeah it'll give you a panic attack if you if you really do stop and and give it time and think about it it's an
amazing thing do you think that they'll be able to take like i don't know if we have to go to computer modeling but uh take the data of like this video for instance where these kids are in 1901 and put that into like virtual reality where you could then insert yourself yeah to be in there you can't affect anything but you could at least experience and hear what it's like yeah but you'll probably get an interpretation of it like say if they wanted to do that today and they had this unbelievable ability to create people and images and places and they decided to show you the construction of the pyramids they'll just be guessing it's one of the most amazing things about the world that we live in today that we just accept the fact that there's immense stone structures that are thousands and thousands of years old that were perfectly constructed that we can't replicate today uh easter island yeah but that's that's not as impressive easter island's pretty crazy it's pretty crazy they don't know how they did it they don't know how they moved them they don't know why they did it but no trees on the island yeah yeah there's a lot of cool [ __ ] about easter island for sure but it can't [ __ ] with the pyramids the pyramids are the ultimate [ __ ] you so anybody thinks they understand the human timeline yeah they understand like what technology was capable what you know what what humans were capable of 5 000 plus years ago yeah those uh those oculus when you talk about going in what's that called yeah that virtual reality virtual reality do brian simpson came to my house and it's like it's like a guy not knowing me very well but then knowing me better that i know myself he goes hey man i brought my my oculus thing i thought you'd like to try it out and i was and i was like i'm i'm good i don't play video games he's like no no no i don't think you know what this is and i was like all right so he takes me into my gym and he puts it on my head i bought one 50 50 seconds later really and then and then i found out you could have you can watch porn on it and they have a porn that'll link up to a vagina that you can put your dick in and you can have you done this no how many times
you've done this it's just your buddy blowing you sadly hold on hold on have you seen have you seen joey diaz on the guest book have you seen joey diaz on the guest book no oh oh that's right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they both have oculus is on yeah and he's blowing any joey diaz comes in to suck the guy's dick oh it's the [ __ ] greatest that is hilarious i would i would i would definitely use a [ __ ] oculus to have sex like that i would without a doubt do it do you think that you would do that first or would you [ __ ] an actual real world ai robot first like if you had the options if i had the options i probably wanna [ __ ] a robot if you had like a super hot robot looking i don't even need to be that hot really what do you want i don't know just something different would be cool just [ __ ] just switch it up a little bit just peter to not know my wife's name and not be able to keep a secret you know weird you could get one of those things start really living out fantasies yeah with a robot like hey uh her her arm came off and they're like what like we got a little rough in there well that's westworld right yeah that's always westworld's [ __ ] awesome yeah well i'd like season one i didn't get into season two i just whatever reason i i tapped out after season one but it was really good it's a it's an interesting concept because it was based on that yule brenner movie from a long time ago where people wanted to live out a life of adventure and gonna go and shoot these robots but the robots sort of rewire themselves or something and then they they actually come after you they come after you back like you can't win yeah those robots wanted their freedom they became sentient they wanted to be alive and they they didn't even some of them didn't even know they were robots so someone could create a a robot universe for you to go in on weekends and play in right i think what that's one of the lessons of that show is that it turned people into sociopaths they wanted to go and shoot people and kill people and yeah but where would you want to go live out
like if you could take a pick a time period where you could just go in and like be in an old western be in the gunslingers or go in the samurai days or like genghis khan and [ __ ] shooting i don't think i'd be interested in going into a fake genghis khan day because it was first of all you wouldn't see the real chaos of that existence the fear that those people lived under knowing that the horde was coming over the top of the mountain and there's no escape and that these people would cannibalize each other they would they would literally eat another soldier in order to have food so they could keep their march going jesus yeah that's one of the things they did they slaughtered their horses to eat they did whatever they had to do they had a shitload of horses and they they killed somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 to 70 million people during that time of genghis khan's life isn't it crazy they made a movie about him with john wayne yeah he's celebrating him many times like isn't that crazy well it's also crazy that genghis khan would talk like that yeah it's like the weirdest stupid white replacement movie you know he they have him play a mongolian like how soon until you think they make a empathetic hitler movie wow where they go we're going to show the other side of them like the artist side i don't think that's ever going to happen well they did it with genghis khan yeah but they didn't know any better i don't think they understood what genghis khan had done like when you hear about genghis khan now like there's enough like from dan carlin i think that's that's changed a lot of people's understanding of genghis khan because he's i i should say jengas because that's how he says and that's how you're really supposed to say it but that guy was responsible for ten percent of the world's population being murdered during his life ten percent they they killed so many people
that changed the carbon footprint of earth there's so many less people during the time of genghis khan that it's measurable in the carbon footprint on earth how wild is that that's how many people are [ __ ] insane did they killed everybody they killed everybody they would show up in like jin in jin china there was uh the the korisbian shah had sent these uh emissaries to go visit jin china and as these guys are getting closer to the city they think they're looking at a snow-capped mountain in the distance and as they get closer they realize it's a pile of bones they killed a million people and stacked them on top of each other and they had abandoned the roads because the roads were so caked with human fat that the decaying bodies had made the the roads mud and it was untravelable bro now when you think about horrific things that washington had done right or the people and then you go back further like a thousand years further you realize like people just get worse and worse and worse the further you go back yeah like the further you go back in history the more and more horrific people like and what they're capable of yeah yeah we're watching uh catherine the great it's on uh like netflix and they've done a really good job of like cleaning it up and making it not sound that bad but then like it's fun it's a funny show oddly enough and then you read it on your phone that night i listened to a documentary because i was like oh this is a really good show i listened to documentary and she was they were horrible horrible people back then [ __ ] her husband peter had a brother uh and and he was young that was younger that was the real heir to the throne he just put him in a room locked the door it was like no one knows about him jesus i mean like that they really did that [ __ ] and you just look and like killed uh one of his friends tried to kill peter the great and then peter the great just
killed all his chefs and was like i'll just hang them all up in the like the the callousness of with which people act behaved so someone tried to kill him with poison food is that what it was his best friend tried to kill him with uh with paint he put paint in his in his uh his soup whoa paint yeah and his cavaz or whatever paint would kill you yeah like whatever the paint they used back then was pretty poisonous oh wow and so we put it in his kvas or whatever and he ate it and the dog ate it the dog died he got almost died and then when he got better he just went and killed all the people that touched that food that day wow and you think that that is how people behaved that's like what 1800 so that's like i mean when when did people start getting nicer because i mean this was like recent once like people could share information that's really yeah yeah but in the 70s and the 60s people well they were way more brutal then than they are now dude mississippi mississippi burning i mean that's insane to me that that that a cop would pull over three people and just that are protesters or whatever you know they're trying to get their voting rights or whatever and then you just they'd murder them and they'd be like well that's that's that's that let's put them in that big ditch and think they'd get away with it yeah i mean that's crazy that that's that's like 50 70 like 70 years ago now probably you know what i bet they had gotten away with it already a million times yeah i bet they'd already killed a bunch of people we were just in tulsa and uh i was just in tulsa and they had the tulsa massacre you know that is and uh and i was reading that tell people what to tell somebody thousand massacre was a young uh shoeshine boy black kid in an elevator uh allegedly i'm probably 100 sure that he didn't assaulted the white girl that ran the elevator so they arrested him and then rough maybe like a couple months before there had been a lynching of a white man who got arrested for something so they just pretty much assumed well let's go lynch this guy
well the black community found out about it and took up arms and now the the problem was the the affluent the in greenwood district in tulsa the black community had made good money they were really kind of like progressing and there was a lot of resentment within tulsa of the this community that was go progressing so they grab arms they go to surround the jail so they can't lynch this kid because they know he's innocent and [ __ ] all hell breaks loose the [ __ ] white people chase the black people back to greenwood old man tells a tells a black kid he's not allowed to have a gun guy shoots him and then the white people came in and just destroyed the greenwood district and we performed a block from where this happened and you think and they just decimated it they burned all the houses burned all the house and these were like these were like black people who were doing well in society they were making money and what year was this looks like 21 21 but thinking like like lynchings and [ __ ] like it's kind of [ __ ] up when you see when you think this is crazy but i'm in tulsa i'm going for a jog and i'm looking at trees going was there a lynching there like because it was popular it was they were you know if the community thought someone was guilty they just go and grab them from the jail and do it themselves whoa yeah it's kind of crazy yeah it seems like i think you're right tony i think what you said is right when people were able to share information when people were more aware because you could cover up a story like that in the news like you could not report a story you know it's one of the things like as time went on and more and more reporters and there's more and more distribution of these stories and then you teach them in school people teach them at universities and then of course now where just you can get information on basically anything i mean that was 1921 so imagine if you lived in i don't know the top of maine or something like you wouldn't even find out about that right you might have one rich friend in the neighborhood that's
like yo check out what the newspaper says right and if you didn't read it that day you'd probably never hear about it yeah oh wow yeah imagine like how many murders were committed back in like the 1800s where no one got caught right like how would they get you once they saw you shoot somebody how they catch you i mean there was no model for police work or anything even there's no forensics well when you watch those old-timey movies about the wild west and they go through the wild west they're having [ __ ] shootouts in the street and they're hanging out in opium dens that's real it's a real representation of how they used to do it the the west was lawless they would they would [ __ ] shoot people down the streets there was murders all the time would they really though was there like an oath that will do it at the same time we'll pull our guns at the same time it seems like everybody would toys that's duels they did they definitely did that they did yeah they definitely did that's it's crazy that it's crazy that there was no that you would could deputize someone where were we just at oh he's listening to billy the kid the story about billy the kid right and like and i didn't realize that this is so stupid i didn't realize that young guns was pretty accurate like i thought young guns was fix fictional young guns is pretty non-fiction the one with like for sutherland cheaper suddenly that's really that follows the [ __ ] storyline of billy the kid pretty accurately no [ __ ] yeah as i was listening to it i go wait i know who that guy is i know who that guy is too like oh that's that guy and i'm like shut the [ __ ] like they're all they're all real people that were around in that time but they would the big thing with billy the kid is and it's in young guns is they all get deputized right and as they go down to go get the guy in mexico or whatever as they come back someone goes oh you guys weren't deputies anymore so now everything you just did was illegal and so like it's crazy that people would deputize each other and be like hey man
you're the sheriff now and you'd be like [ __ ] man i definitely would have accidentally been deputized one night could you imagine like you're all coming over to the west because you want gold so people come from all over the world you hear about the gold rush you make your way over to alaska or wherever the [ __ ] you're going san francisco is a big one they make their way over there and then there's no law there's no law no there's no law it's like a mining town and you know and then prostitutes show up and then there's pimps and then there's gambling saloons and then there's places to buy liquor and people get all [ __ ] up and start shooting each other pretty wild man to think that that's not that long ago oh i i get hung up on the fact can you imagine riding a horse from new york to california do you know how much that would hurt you would be have you ever ridden a horse like full blown ridden horse not really okay nah i've never like when they're running full clip or anything oh dude it's [ __ ] it's better than sex sometimes what when you [ __ ] having sex i do it differently than riding horses but dude when you get there is a symbiotic moment when you go full tilt with a horse right full sprint with a horse where you're and only people that have done this with horses know this there's a mo because it starts it starts in the navi you yeah and all of a sudden all you see is the horse's head doing this and your body doesn't it's you're you're kind of up in your feet you're like oh it is the most [ __ ] exhilarating feeling in the world anything other than that sucks dick really yeah because it's like a cantor's like ow ow ow ow and the gallop's like those are my nuts those are my nuts those are my nuts and then you walk in you're like this is gonna [ __ ] take forever but once you get into that [ __ ] sprint so you you're in the rhythm of the horse you the horse you become one with the horse and you and it's and you're flying your hat flies off you're [ __ ] up in your feet you're up in your saddle and and you can it's just [ __ ] one of the coolest things i've ever done really i loved it
man i would do that i would be something i could would wake you up in the morning just go take your horse for a nice i mean just everything about horses is pretty magical you got to go to a field and catch it right like that your horse isn't just there it's on a field you gotta go on the field and catch it that was [ __ ] crazy like and then you get you get like cause when you catch a [ __ ] uh well how i caught a horse is get him to come to you get him up trust you and all you gotta do is throw a rope over his neck just throw a rope over his neck and he's yours he goes ah you got me it doesn't even have to be around his neck just over the top laying over the top of his neck and by the way this is my horse i'm sure there's other people out there he has no idea he was talking about but but this is the the horse all you got to do is put him over his neck and then you gotta break a horse dude i watched real cowboys break horses was this on yellowstone no it wasn't it was uh it was for trip flip sadly guy lives in texas too uh john uh i wish i knew his life i remembered his last name just outside houston he has he has buffalo and we ran buffalo for him and we were his cow hands for a week and we had we did everything soup to nuts learned how to ride a horse learned how to maneuver a horse so you could run buffalo had learned how to make a horse go sideways turn this way turn this way back up and and then dude it was we spent the whole week on horses on horseback camping horseback campfires guitars was funny [ __ ] and the last day we had to run buffalo for him take buffalo from one field to another field into a pen and it was exhilarating yeah yeah cause you know you've been with this horse for the whole week so you know this horse you've washed it you've brushed it you've done everything to this horse right and then it's you and him and i think my name the name of one was buck and it's and it's [ __ ] 30 buffalo and it's you and buck and you're like okay buck come on buck and you just move him sideways and all this just gently coercing the buffalo to go one way and
don't piss anyone off and it was exhilarating and i understand like when you hear about the cowboys and how they originated here and would run the cow from up i can see how that would be something that would call a young man and like when there's not much else to do in this world go oh yeah i'm gonna be a [ __ ] cowboy yeah yeah it was it was cool [ __ ] man i know some ranchers i know some guys who work on a ranch and they love it they really they really do love it they love the riding the horses they love wrangling the cows they love all the there's like something pure about it i think there's something about it also that appeals to like ancient dna because i think it's something that human beings have done for a long time like ride horses and and wrangle cattle and take care of things in a farm and as you're sustaining this farm you know this farm will sustain life right you're growing food you have animals there that you're you're tending to yeah it's very primal oh it's oh it's very primal and horses read your energy so like one morning i came in really hung over and i got on my horse and you could see my horse was like what's going on with you i got bucked i got [ __ ] off a horse in costa rica i'm drunk no stone sober i got bit by a bat the night before and and i was i was having anxiety about it and i was really having really bad anxiety and the horse realized it's not going to touch the horse's reins he went like this and and i was like and but i didn't know i didn't know enough about horses i hadn't done all the training before so we get on i get on the horse and even just getting on the horse the horse is acting [ __ ] odd and my the guy said is something going on with you and i said i was bit by a bat yesterday and he was like okay he's like well i think your horse is reading your energy and i was like okay then just get me off him and he's like hold on you'll be fine and then we start going and i guess there's something different that
you do with those horses than you do with other horses whereas i was trying to get him to stop i guess and i was but i was putting my feet on his belly which for him may take the [ __ ] off and he would take the [ __ ] off and then he started bucking and i [ __ ] popped up out of the saddle one foot off and then the guy came and grabbed him and was like hey man you're off the [ __ ] horse what what's going on with you and i was like i don't know the horse doesn't like me and he's like no it's it's you it's you and then i just got a car and start drinking i was terrified i was terrified yeah horses are it's it's an incredibly powerful animal it doesn't want you on it that's why i don't understand rodeo guys i mean they're out of their [ __ ] minds dude that is such a wild thing to do with your time jules boy getting on bulls bulls are [ __ ] that's insane bulls are f bulls are [ __ ] i'll never [ __ ] around with another bull broncos are insane bulls are insane it's all insane yeah insane a horse is only slightly less insane than a bull to if it's trying to get you off when they're out there with kicking broncos like that is that more or less insane i don't know i think i would i would much rather [ __ ] with a horse in a bowl yeah because a horse has horns that can shove them up your [ __ ] you ever see that um i mean there's been a a bunch of them but um these matadors who get jacked oh yeah and they get it up the ass oh i've seen all those videos ties they're colon apart literally like poking out of the top of their hip because the horn goes through their [ __ ] through all this meat underneath and pops out somewhere i've seen that one [ __ ] that's a great one i did not need to see that that guy died he had to he had to oh this one oh my god that's so bloody [ __ ] i'll get that guy right up the [ __ ] woof buddy it's so beautiful have you ever been to a bull fight no oh i have that maybe i should say am i going to be no i
don't know what's going on oh my god guys got it in his [ __ ] oh look at all the blood oh my god dude it looks like a hole in his back too like it got him in his back and then look at all the blood on that [ __ ] bull oh wait a minute the blood on the bull might also be because of those spears in it yeah see all the spears that might be where the blood on his antlers or his horns rather are they stabbed the bull like five times with those those things before they killed it compromise it and make it weak we went we went to a bull fight in spain when i was in college that guy getting let me see that photo again the guy with it up his mouth the one up his mouth i feel like we should get that one done on a metal painting that's a [ __ ] nft wow i wonder if that guy died he had this [ __ ] i can't look recovering well recovering well has a hard time with soup but he's doing great what happened to your neck it's a long story still holding on to a sword in that picture oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] is that guy dead he looks dead as [ __ ] dead he looks dead bullfighter gored through the neck today oh there's a lot of those i guess it's crazy that they still do that right because yeah like what a strange ritual that it's so barbaric to do that in 2022 to like have this thing oh lay and to trick the bull but know that there's a possibility that bull's gonna get you you wouldn't go to it if it happened here in austin if there was a like at the racetrack or something like that no i don't think i would go here but if i was in another country yeah and it was happening you know like i wouldn't want to support it in america right but it was happening in some other countries like there's nothing you're doing to change this it is what it is it's here you want to see it i'd have to see it because it's like the opportunity to see something so insane it's rare in life and you might like i would go see the running of the bulls too would you do the running of the bulls [ __ ] no oh come
on [ __ ] no it's so [ __ ] easy you imagine if you are up in the air and you see the cobblestone and you realize you're gonna get piledrived headfirst in the cobblestone by a two thousand pound animal and then you didn't have to do that typically and that's not so people die every year yeah people who want to die like i've been to the running of the bulls it's not you did it you already i didn't do it i was in college it was right when we saw the bull fight too i think we saw it the same same day i think it must have been i think dude the bullfight in the thing and so but they [ __ ] it's they these guys are all running slow to get near the bull they want to touch the ball what yeah so you could easily do it and never see a [ __ ] bull oh my gosh gotta get trampled but the bulls aren't trying to [ __ ] these people up no the the bulls are just actually the bulls are pretty innocent and they're just trying to get the [ __ ] out of there but sometimes the bulls trample people no it does but throw people up the air and [ __ ] them up so we were at the very beginning of the race so the race is like i think it's i'm not certain but we were there where they're doing it and where the front of the line is when they do the gun it's you're like a cannon you know they are trying to touch it yeah it's people who want these are all real men that this is part of pride for them is to get close to the bull and touch the bull then they know that's like now the bull's pissed yeah that guy tried to yeah that guy pushed him off big mistake got the ball by the hole like you could theoretically do this and never see a bull you could just do the run and just [ __ ] run to the to the bull ring and be done but you but the fun is this for these people oh that guy's getting jacked yeah oh geez he found him that was the original guy well how does he know oh oh because of that oh my god this guy doesn't have his [ __ ] pants on he's getting trampled that's not how you want to go out oh jesus christ oh [ __ ] man
that's now he has to go oh my god they dragged him on the ground with his bare ass that had hurt too what is that guy they're trying to turn him around and go get the [ __ ] out of here that guy's got to keep hanging on that bulls look he just oh actually that's in his leg that's in his leg that's 100 percent in his [ __ ] leg that's in his [ __ ] leg when we did it man i'm telling you it looked like when we were there it looked like you could run before you ever saw a bull because we got in a good spot we ended up standing on sitting on the ledge and watching it it's like we were in the thing and then they're pretty much like hey everyone clear out if you're not going to [ __ ] run so me and my buddy went up and climbed up and sat on a ledge and we watched them go and it's like they're like when the [ __ ] are the bulls coming by and there are people that are way ahead that i don't even think you'll ever see a bull or maybe they get ahead and that's where they'll see them but you could do it theoretically i think and just sprint and never see a ball because it's that many people doing it it's a ton of [ __ ] people how long is it from beginning now i want to say it's like a half a mile it's not it's i don't remember i don't remember to be dead on us it was a long time ago it was when i was 22 but it's a fun [ __ ] party the craziest thing is people climbing statues they're just like people are climbing like 40-foot statues and just everyone's going or whatever you know the [ __ ] and dudes were climbing statues and [ __ ] fallen taking headers to the [ __ ] i mean it was it was a crazy party dude it was chaos shirtless sash [ __ ] white pants and i had and just boda bags of wine just it was so much fun that's what they call them boater bags i think so i don't know and so we did it
we did we got there that day partied all day all night stayed up through the night went slept in a park for a second went down to the beginning of the running of the bulls and then uh and then me and him bounced and we're like gotta get the [ __ ] out of here we're not gonna run with the goddamn bulls we've been drinking all night and so we went and uh stood up on a ledge on like on the fence as the bulls ran by it was [ __ ] awesome you didn't see anybody get trampled oh we saw people get [ __ ] up yeah people get [ __ ] up but it's people it's there's people that run real slow and kind of wait for the bull and they want to run with the bulls the whole point is to run with the bull isn't it wild that there's parts of the world like europe europe is a great example where those cities have been around for a thousand years yeah there's cities that have been around there forever oh we were in serbia and i and i was looking around going oh this was around in the in the 800s like this is like this has been around for all of time like this is i mean because you go to [ __ ] places in the states and you're like oh this has been around since 1800 and you but then you go to serbia and they're like oh this was here when jesus was walking around like people because they've been in europe they've been there forever yeah that [ __ ] blows me away i think there's a bar in england that's the oldest running bar in the world i think it's been a bar for like a thousand years wow something crazy like that see if you can find that like the oldest running bar in the world in england it's it looks like and i mean it's it's a slice of time other than what's been changed yeah that that this little area a thousand years ago with candles people were drinking like shitty ale and piss whiskey and whatever the [ __ ] they drank back then oh i love it yeah and this this [ __ ] bar is still around you found anything the first one i i was gonna try to find a cool picture of it there's a bar in
england that says it's been open since 900 yeah that's it that's the bar sean's bar yeah that's it since 900. i don't have any images of it well the the first picture this i was trying to figure out what that was and then what is that that's probably what it used to look like so that was like the the outside of the wall like dirt mud caked over sticks i can't that's not that impressive oh they redid it it's like that painting did it that's what i was trying to find out it's like that it is like debating that's what they did they redid it wow guinness book of world records but we [ __ ] it up by painting it and giving it a shitty look at that i think bar makeover went there that's like they got letters from ikea yeah bar makeover whenever what is this the 900s we're going to turn you into a mixology is that it right there that's what it looks like what a strange thing a show like bar makeover is your bar sucks we're gonna fix it yeah and you're like captivated can they do it they have enough time there's only a half hour show the activated the the best is when they do the like if you've done enough production you you know that if if you're gonna hear someone on television that they have a microphone on right and so you go to bar rescue and they're like these patrons came in in the middle of the afternoon they're like where's the bartender and you totally hear them they're micked and then the bartender shows up and the bartender's miked and then you're like you're like someone had to walk up to these patrons and be like hey my name's john i'm gonna put a mic on you is it okay if i drop it down the center of your shirt yeah that happened this is like no one there's no hidden things and they signed a paper they said they had a sign of paper no one [ __ ] films people exactly you had to sign a release is the only way you're on that yeah it's that by doing the amount of production i did it made a lot of television not fun because you were like you could see through everything and you're like oh come on yeah well especially if you're doing a reality show air quotes yeah because a lot of those reality shows they just have these
fake scenarios they have to follow and it's not real it's just like shitty it's like shitty theater it's like it's not a real script and like you get people acting corny and weird and trying to act normal and saying you know it's other ad libbing stuff it was the best when we did the cabin i you know originally was supposed to be scripted and then we just ran out of time because we couldn't get anyone to commit to doing the show so at the last minute we're like just [ __ ] it just make it all comics and we'll all go to a cabin and we'll just we've we've all done enough it's amazing comics have done enough podcasts where they know how to beat they know how to fill time yeah like you'd all you'd have to say to someone like how are like nikki glazer's so [ __ ] good she's so good she just like came in she's like what are we doing and i just said just [ __ ] hang she's like cool she's like who's that and i said caitlyn jenner she's like camera's up i was like yeah she's like okay we're [ __ ] if it's caitlyn jenner i'm like like he's just comics know how to be present and in the moment right and we're like why she's like well i'm gonna tell you a story i did the comedy central roast and there were nine jokes i couldn't tell about caitlyn jenner or she would walk off the set and i was like well you didn't tell him she goes well i didn't tell him there but i went on stern the next day and i told all of them and i'm certain she has heard them and we were like dun dun dun and i'm like you're just a [ __ ] home run yeah did she did had she had heard those jokes caitlyn's cool as [ __ ] really if she had she didn't play onto it we said some pretty aggressive things caitlyn too she's got a great sense of humor yeah she does have a great sense of humor she was my dad my dad you met my dad yeah my dad on that episode none of this was nothing was planned right nothing my dad on that morning i'm dr i'm i'm going to the cabin and my dad's like uh or i call my dad i think from the cabin and i go i have caitlyn jenner on today and he goes
don't do it buddy it's not worth it i said what he goes you're gonna [ __ ] up a pronoun you're going to [ __ ] up something and and the world's going to hate you it's not worth it and you don't know who you're talking to you're talking to a [ __ ] hero and i went what he goes buddy you have no idea when you were born caitlyn was in montreal doing the and my dad's using the right [ __ ] name right using the right bone rounds he's like he was like you were a baby and you sat on my lap and we watched that together you have no idea what it what a hero she is so please just treat her with respect and i don't want dad i'm not gonna be a dick of course i you know whatever i was a comic i said about a bunch of crazy stuff mill the thing we're sitting there me nicki and caitlin and my dad calls i was like i go hey dad you wanna talk to caitlyn jenner and my dad [ __ ] starts crying and he's like you have no idea like uh i just want you to know you're my hero uh and he just starts melting down and caitlin's like thanks and my i have a few track questions i want to ask you your pole vaults uh were they uh were they poly cargo was it was it aluminum pole bolts back then and then he was like my dad's like i'm trying to know how you train for the decathlon my dad was in the track really in the track and field all through college like ran professionally ran over at uh villanova and it was like this very moving moment where my dad just melted down started crying to caitlyn jenner and was like it's like you're my hero i just want to thank you and for being pleased to my son and whatever wow it was a really cool moment when no one expected what's the [ __ ] up questions you asked i'm not saying them again they got edited out i guess is you had different poll questions so do you still that is a quintessential tony hinchcliffe line right there that's perfect all dick jokes it was a lot of dick jokes we did a lot of [ __ ] up [ __ ] talk about it oh i remember the moment that i'm sorry to interrupt that we found out that caitlyn just signed on to that
roast we are in a writer's room literally people that literally specialize in making fun of people yeah and when that came in when the exec i remember where i was sitting in which direction i was looking when the executive producer came in and goes we just got caitlyn jenner he would have thought we all just won the powerball and that we all had it on one ticket and it was hundreds of millions of dollars because we were we and sure enough we had a bl i mean the next six hours are literally just slamming a table i can't imagine what it would have been like to just be in that hallway and watch through a window at us you know apes just having the time of our lives that's uh that was a great [ __ ] roast too there's something special about those sort of like roasts and roast battles because you're forced to write a completely new joke about a thing that's right there in front of you and then you're forced to scramble and come up with good lines for it and on a full roast instead of a battle you can make correlations with other people that are on that roast so immediately you're like caitlyn well this person's a dick she had a oh [ __ ] like you're making all these just firing off cylinders plus caitlyn on top of all that an olympic hero has the reality show and the family and the daughters the daughters is your daughter's a billionaire right from makeup her daughter's a [ __ ] billionaire yeah like i didn't realize it's so silly but i didn't real i i knew kim kardashian maybe i didn't realize all the jenners and kylie jenner so that morning they're like hey here's a little run sheet for facts i was like her daughter's a [ __ ] billionaire like that's [ __ ] insane pretty insane but it's all from like uh cosmetics right yeah yeah and yeah well she's like the richest one of the family she's richer than kim which is crazy billionaire kim's more famous kim's kim's way more famous that's a [ __ ] that's a beautiful goddamn family it's not a bad looking family not a bad looking family at all now travis barker's married in yeah travis barker seems pretty legit it's a good
dude it's a good looking family now we haven't seen kim and pete's kid yet nothing there's no genetics in the world that are going to cross out whatever pete davidson has going on well whatever he's got to know that's guy's slinging dick like nobody has ever lived there's never look there's warren beatty of 2022 unbelievable there's never been a comedian like that that has that resume no his resume is off the charts let's ariana grande kate beckinsale whoo what the [ __ ] uh you forgot larry david's daughter it's beautiful i don't know what that is uh trendy or son or whatever instagram but famous people all famous people and and then kim kardashian i i mean that justice is insane have you seen the [ __ ] that kanye was saying about him oh yeah oh yeah have you seen all of them i haven't seen all of them i can't you know don't get me started don't get me started on on the absolute genius that is kanye west yeah but have you seen that one it just can't even be aired he put that on his instagram the best part about it is after he said it he writes okay one for last one for tonight maybe [Laughter] last one for tonight maybe and they took it down he was doing a run of uh pete memes that day and i mean come on man that's it's hilarious but that's actually kind of part of the fun of it all is that like all of a sudden kim is hanging out with pete davidson and then kanye is mad yeah and it's like everybody's like like those things as uncomfortable as they are are like for business for their business especially for kim's business and pete's business holy [ __ ] is it good yeah what a boom yeah a genius is mad at us the brains of the operation yes matt yeah the talent yeah have you ever worn a sweatshirt kanye's the kanye hoodie no it's amazing what is this greatest sweatshirt i've ever does like my life is it unusual no he did a gap collab what are you what are you [ __ ] laughing at no just the way i chose like
questioning it why am i i'm just laughing i'm not no he did a gap he did a collab with the gap and he made a sweatshirt that i put on and is the my favorite thing i've ever put on in my life second only to [ __ ] geezies yeezy's the most comfortable [ __ ] shoe in the world well let me see what this uh sweatshirt looks like so you gotta it's just a sweatshirt but you gotta explain so what it is he's got the best parts of the sweatshirt on the inside and the outside so the outside is the best part of a sweatshirt right well he sewed another sweatshirt inside the sweatshirt inside out so that you feel the outside on the inside and it's heavy it's like a [ __ ] thunder blanket i would imagine that's thick as [ __ ] it's thick as [ __ ] and it's and it's like basically two sweatshirts are those available yeah can you buy them or are they hard to get the easy gap is back in stock yeah but can i just get one online i do have to pay extra from a special website yeah i think like sneaker sneaker places so is that one they're real that when you're over right there if you click on that probably i'm gonna say price yeah it's like goat so that's the kanye hoodie and it's how much but 100 bucks it's so funny i mean for a kanye west thing that seems pretty reasonable he's he's just i mean i watched that documentary genius have you seen it no i haven't seen it you have to watch he's he is a he is a [ __ ] genius he is a genius so ahead of his time he was making beats for rockefeller back in the day and that's what they were using him as as but he wanted to be a rapper and man this documentary is a documentary he shot on himself when he was nobody he was walking around with a camera and and every nobody back then was filming themselves nobody and everywhere they go they're like well he brought cameras like everybody's like all like weirded out but it ends up all coming together it all comes together and he's like he's like i'm the great
like he's he's predicting his future because he knows how good he is and and then you watch him he idolizes jay-z and you watch him ask jay-z can i be on this track and sing on this track and uh and jay-z is like well yeah let me hear what you got and kanye bangs out the best [ __ ] 16 bars and then jay-z is like [ __ ] man hungry a quiet man doesn't eat and then and kanye's like yeah and then what's even crazier all this documentary footage and he gets in the car accident breaks his jaw right writes through the wire which is chilling how great that [ __ ] song is about getting his jaw broken his journey and he uses the [ __ ] he's had in this documentary he uses it to make the music video that goes on mtv and what he's doing he's taking this through the wire song and he's playing it for jay-z he's playing it for [ __ ] uh for uh pharrell he's playing it for them and they're all going dude this is to be the biggest song of the year and it's all this is all documentary footage play some of that uh they can't stop me from grabbing you can't be here too if you listen closely this doll's not opening i spit it through [Music] it sounds like it too and by the way in the documentary they show the time that he gets his they show all of this the extended of everything you're about to see is all in this documentary [Music] i drink a moose for breakfast [Music] i don't know what to say man telling us [Music] and he was on the podcast and jamie missed it because he had kovac are you serious yup jamie kochovan and he's out with a bunch of girls of ill repute at some bar the only thing sadder than that is somebody who i've had crazy arguments with kanye about who was always on the wrong side of history redband uh got to sit in for you the biggest kanye fan and literally i'm like this is a double homicide this is a tragedy things happen that was so tragic wait was red band red band or was he did he
old school red band no he did a great job he's doing bubbles we got to work this out you got to deal like you understand the kind of mind you're dealing with like yeah his mind is like a locomotive man you're not gonna if you get in the way of it you're just gonna get run over yeah i might have interrupted it i might have jumped in like hey i can help you here like i can explain i help explain i think you would have [ __ ] it up no no i'm but i'm i don't know i might have he probably would have been like who the [ __ ] is talking to me right now yeah i don't remember signing up for your podcast again what he would have saw my shoes and been like i get it i don't think so i don't think he's impressed that somebody bought his shoes a lot of people buy shoes i wouldn't have wore those shoes i would wear cool shoes oh sneaker talk yeah i mean his his that he's so groundbreaking he's on so many people tell me if my shoes are okay these are apls are they okay just okay jamie's always making fun these are [ __ ] great to work out in i bet they are [ __ ] great they better be comfortable looking like that what the [ __ ] are you saying they look good they're plain black shoes that's the oh gee what pants would you wear those with outside of shorts yes we're shorts [ __ ] okay i'm athletic good luck good luck good luck good luck why don't what what what luck am i getting from different sneakers well you're never going to make like the gq fashion list with that right bro i got news for you i wasn't in contention anyway you never know come on man i just like a slob but you could well i have tailored suits i have some slick [ __ ] from david august yeah that fits my chimp frame yeah it's like all tailored right like thick-ass neck and [ __ ] it's nice does your wife buy you shoes like she goes no i got like the dress shoes i got or all like oh she's bought me sneakers before she she shamed everybody shamed me yeah and they so she bought me a bunch of very nice like she bought me some jordans sweet jordans i can't picture you and they're great i wear them all the time
i don't not like good stuff it's just i don't generally dress to look good i just dressed for like whatever the [ __ ] i feel like wearing like here i got a old school jiu jitsu shirt on i like it i saw it it's in my closet i go i'll wear that i like that shirt that's all i do whatever the [ __ ] i want bert no i'm very specific about my clothing i only wear one type of shirt really but i've worn suits on stage before like when chappelle and i were doing arenas i was wearing suits sometimes it's fun it's fun to like [ __ ] put a tie on it maybe i'll try that i'll just wear suit bottoms just bottoms just no no just no no no they won't be just looking at your upper body naked everything kind of painted myself in the corner wondering whether or not you're going to take your shirt off last night of course yeah i always take it off every time i'm very close every time are you at the store yeah no i don't give a [ __ ] about anyone anymore what happens like i just want to avoid it in the or i know i know but uh it was i was avoiding it a lot of times for people like people would i remember criticizing you someone said something to me and i was like i was like i was trying to be respectful was it already fear oh no right takes his shirt off on stage now are you kidding me does he yeah he's already performed shirtless sometimes alright performs pantless sometimes the comedies i'm very comfortable with my shirt off i i don't i feel weird with a shirt on doing stand-up now anybody so uh don't be scared [ __ ] why are you scared of weed and you're not scared of getting hammered weed i've been smoking a lot of weed i noticed i noticed last night last night burke got to the point where he was trying to say to me we're going to do stem cells tomorrow right and i was like i have no [ __ ] idea what those words are that come out of your mouth that's what i called it i stood up you saw it i went that's it i'm out it's good seeing you guys take care everybody we'll see you tomorrow morning that's a fun hang though fun show too very fun show
fun i love that place the vulcan's such a fun place that was wild i i brought up bert last night and i shook his hand and he like pointed over my shoulder and i turned around and four guys that had no idea that bert was going to be there already had their shirts off yeah i've never seen anything like that so so you're just saying bird's name and they already had this shirt off the moment you said it could have only been what 10 seconds yeah an entire table of guys that's happened this happens a lot that's why i named uh i'm doing red rocks again september 9th or something nice and i call it tops off at red rocks because everyone will be topless oh nice it tops off at red rocks i went to go do the promo i was telling this tom so i i don't know i enjoy making promos i enjoy trying to sell tickets i don't have a problem with it so i go to red rocks i loop it into my touring i go we'll find we'll go to the space get access to the venue and uh special access we can use the stage and then we'll shoot some promos and uh whoa yeah so we just off so you shoot a lot of content like this that you can post in your stories throughout the lead up to sell tickets right yeah just simple stuff but uh we get there and i forget you know i'm also you know that i've done this venue and so everyone there knows me so we just ended up getting f everyone came up to take a picture and then people are like hey man you wanna smoke a joint with me i was like yeah and they're like do you wanna what was that thing on your arm i just when i hurt my arm i had oh oh i thought it was like lights or something it was it was i had it uh all five rock decked out oh no [ __ ] so it would be a big show it's a big show shirtless it's red rocks oh that's cool september 13th i'm at red rocks everybody september 13th 2022. so you set it up now and then i shoot a bunch of these i'll shoot 10 of them and then and then leading up to the date i just release them as we go so who does these for you uh me my team my buddy john manz and uh my cousin andrew edits i i severely
dislike the term team i don't know what to call them my team the people i that are on my playlist but these guys wanted to kill a beer with me they're from boston so we killed a beer they want to kill a beer oh yeah this poor guy on the right did not want to take his shirt off he's like no bro no bro and i go off at red rocks buddy and he goes oh he's like no one's gonna see this right i'm like now we're talking about him on rogan sorry pal but yes so uh the shirts come off like crazy now i've had some really bizarre experiences in stand-up that i feel are unique to me like i was in i was in england or one time and over britain whatever and i started uk yeah the uk whatever the [ __ ] it's called and i started the machine story and uh and they cheer you know try to use russian mafia and i go i went to florida state and i have [ __ ] 2 000 people reciting the story with me from beginning to end they know the whole story reciting and they want to hear the story and it's a 15 minute story 13 but yeah i can tell it's 11. i've done it in 11. but you feel rushed are you doing it no no i just chopped your parts out ah i can make it uh but i do it every show and and they were singing it along with me and then when by the end i would i they was perfect like i get to the end and he comes up closer and smells cigarette i mean come out in trouble and he goes no and then the whole place just goes [ __ ] that [ __ ] this is russia and i'm like i was crying i was like i was like this is the craziest experience i've ever [ __ ] had i remember when you first told that story on this podcast and i was like dude you need to tell that on stage i said no no i said no i said it's literally your [ __ ] nickname now it's i said no yes i remember and you do you know the whole story of that right so i was in columbus the next that next weekend you said on that podcast if you're going to bert's show you make him tell that story he is to be from this four day forward he is to be known only as the machine yes so i go to
columbus wow i do my set and this is back this is desquad ohio days right yeah so i do my set and they're going the machine and i was like guys i'm not gonna do it and this guy in the front row goes hey man we know it's not gonna be good but joe said you gotta tell it to make it good we know that don't worry we'll fake laugh right guys and everyone's like everyone's like yeah yeah we'll fake laughs and i was like fake laughs i was like are you [ __ ] serious and i told it it was probably 20 minutes long i told it and they're like hey man tell again tomorrow and i was like wow and i coached you through it those desk squad ohio guys were [ __ ] really ride or die [ __ ] oh yeah they'd come to all of your shows yep they'd come to all your shows they'd hang out with you at the end yeah i mean i had lunch with them those guys were [ __ ] 100 they still check in all the time yeah and uh yeah it's wild i remember thinking how crazy it was you know whatever 12 years ago that i remember it was the first person who got he had us all sign his leg you know who i'm talking about and he got a tattoo of all his signatures over there so every time he would see one of us and by the time he got to me everybody's name was already there but like i did it and then it was part of it then i saw him a few years a couple years later and boom there it is with more and then it's just crazy ohio has a real knack for that they have a good sense of humor there was a special place it was a special time in uh in podcasting right because it was early and it was it was a secret not everyone here was this uh 10 or 11. i was on travel channel it was 2009 2009 2010. so this is the very earliest days of the podcast very earliest this is how this is like my favorite stories of of that because i mean before i even did the podcast i was a fan of the podcast i listened to the podcast i was on the travel channel i listened to all my ipad when i slept and i feel like i felt like i knew everyone this is how cool those times were i remember putting out on twitter hey i'm
in scotland if any any desk squad fans want to get any jre fans want to get a drink i'm buying it's like 10 dudes show up i'm i'm just get wrapped i walk over to a bar and i go uh i said we just i just go uh whose latest jre and they're like hold on i said what and they go you don't know it's blue cheese or go [ __ ] your mother and i went what and they're like got on their phone they pull it hey joey when you get ring wings do you get ranch he goes listen [ __ ] it's either blue cheese or go [ __ ] your mother and we were cr was the first time i heard that and we were crying laughing me and these 10 fans in scotland were crying laughing they're like they're like bobcat was on last week do you listen i want to go i haven't caught up and we just it was like we were all into the same [ __ ] we were like whenever you had a good guest on we were all in it we were all starting our own podcasts and so they were following us and they'd be like hey tell us what happened with that one guy i was telling people to start a podcast even when it wasn't even profitable yeah i was trying to get everybody to do it you were you you were you sold this harder than anything if it wasn't and if it wasn't for cigarettes i bought all the equipment you were like get the equipment get the stuff just started just start it and i recorded like two or three and it was just me by myself and they sucked when i was drunk and i was like i'm never doing this again and uh and i had all the equipment it's a girl walked into my it was easter sunday this girl walked into my man cave and he hit record and he gave him like to joey and he gave him mike to my dad and he took a mic and he goes this is your first podcast and we recorded it and it was and it was [ __ ] um it was joey diaz being old school joey diaz my dad meeting joey for the first time and them becoming close friends i mean they've been they've always been close like joey's been to all our christmases all our easters before we moved and that was my first podcast and i looked at the numbers and the
numbers were like 50 000 downloads the first day and i was like what the [ __ ] and then and then from that you'd go hey i'm gonna be in uh i'm gonna be in ohio i'm gonna be in louisville and then all of a sudden people showed up and and this back when you could sit in the lobby and just talk with people and be like and they'd be like hey tell us tell us about this tell us about that yeah it was so much i had my daughters do my intro oh nice yeah i had my daughters doing they were really young then i don't even i don't think this oh yeah maybe they still do it but it's uh eileen was in a place she's and she had a big speech impediment she goes uh thank you thank you gentlemen's enjoymes oh and there's like and yeah it's great yeah those were the fun [ __ ] days they're fun now too buddy oh yeah somebody's saying it's a lot more fun now look at that yeah where chrysler look how young you look i know you don't even look like you who the [ __ ] are you you're a slim down bert christopher i forgot how skinny you were bro i don't know look at the red band tom made me feel free to ram look great that was the weight loss red band what red band at one point in time exhibited extraordinary discipline and wound up losing like 70 pounds i remember we'd go to the gym that [ __ ] would be on the treadmill or on the elliptical machine for a long ass time losing weight we'd go to the hotel gym we're on the road and red band was [ __ ] putting it in i'm like dude i am [ __ ] proud of you he lost like i'm i'm not kidding man he lost like 70 or 80 pounds and his girl left him that's what happened his girl left him she and he was like really broken up about it and he's like you know what i'm just going to get in shape and he [ __ ] did it and he got slim and he had pictures of him on his instagram of like him holding his pants like that like there look how skinny he was dude look at him look at it look at him look at how cute he is so that was what he was 245 pounds to 163 pounds and look how good he looked kid was a stud look at him up in the upper right hand corner holding his pants
we need to get him to do that again we need him and david lucas in a challenge and the winner challenge it's a winner the winner gets a hundred thousand dollars i love this challenge you do it on this podcast it's a great challenge that's it the winner gets a hundred thousand dollars cash oh it's me i'm the fattest those guys those two will get in cahoots with one another be like hey let's split the money no no no no no no no no no no no we're gonna bring in a doctor and we're gonna we're gonna like you you like one person loses five pounds the other person loses three no it's gonna be like one of those things like uh it doesn't count until you're below 60 pounds right once you get below 60 pounds 60 pounds lighter and you give him four months to do it you have four months starting now that's reasonable yeah that can be done with with diet and exercise you can lose that i mean i've seen a guy recently online that was uh some one of those inspirational guys with like the quotes over it and [ __ ] and he was talking about how four months ago he was 60 pounds heavier and they showed a picture of him before and you're like whoa imagine like just a lot of my friends i don't see for four months imagine not seeing a friend for four months and then coming back four months later like what the [ __ ] dude yeah you look amazing that how did you do that that's a fun feeling you've never really had that i've had the feeling where you lose the weight people go hey you look great it feels so good yeah and then when you're fat you get a lot of people going i'm worried about you and you're like yeah we're worried about you yeah i don't know whatever you know what i'm saying yeah we talk about it we talk about it all the time i remember very clearly the moment i knew the podcast was big the moment i knew something was going on very clearly because i was on stage in chicago at the chicago theater so it's a sold-out chicago theater 3 500 seats and i go so the other day i go how many guys listen to the podcast and it was yeah and i went oh [ __ ]
yeah it was just like i thought it was going to be like a small percentage like i never pay attention to numbers i don't look at the numbers now i don't like when my friends do a podcast with me and they go hey how's it performing i'm like oh it's out there so just keep moving bro i remember i remember one time jamie going hey man did you sell a lot of books and i said no and he goes well your numbers were like through the [ __ ] roof and i went oh well i died that but that's i don't look at my numbers either you can't it's just you'll if you do it's like likes on a photo or something like that like you'll get obsessed with people get obsessed with numbers you know like if one guy's selling out 3 000 tickets but the other guy's selling out five the 3 000 guys jealous of the five thousand guy and meanwhile like you just sold a [ __ ] theater dude i told chris to stefano the other day 1200 seats is the mountaintop you can go out and do theaters at 1200 seats 12 1500 seats so that's the dream everyone ever had yeah that's it's better than anything you could ever wish for tony and i did the uh the stand up live in phoenix which is by the way he sold out every show so that's like 600 seats per show and when i did that i was i was doing that place i was like you know what this might be perfect this might be the perfect size to experience comedy yeah it's a great venue it's a great venue because it's low ceilings and it's a great sound system and it's a great size stage and it's very intimate and i'm like this might be the [ __ ] sweet spot like there's something to be said for a 200 seat room [ __ ] awesome right yeah but man when you're rocking in that place the the laughter was thunderous yeah yeah and it's low ceiling it's they they did a great job slight elevation as it goes back but nothing too crazy because when you get in some theaters when you hit that second tier and stuff there is a you know a disconnect it doesn't feel like they're right there it feels like they're up there yeah you have to have like when you're doing big places you have to have distinct punch lines like the people that really suffer are the ranters who like you know like their
pace requires that they say this and then they say that and there's a punch line here there's a bunch right there hey what's that this is another much like like you if you do that in an arena like you you will run the risk of people not being able to hear what you're saying yeah we were talking about the right over arenas are taking a different pacing it's a different pace different so does that so does red rocks so does the greek they take you gotta you go outside places outside i love outside places yeah they're all it's all but there's something cool about the night air and [ __ ] inside and sky when i did i'm very i am very fortunate to have done that hot summer nights thing it was the funnest time of my [ __ ] life outdoors during covid every night grilling out every night they're watching them put up the stage break down the stage it was like being in a rock band it was so much fun and and and the shows were just everything was different a thunderstorm behind you in this in the night sunsets [ __ ] my favorite thing about those is sunsets really it was all dude like before the show starts like watch the sun drop and then the show starts right afterwards everyone's watching the sun drop and they know that when the sun drops that's when the show starts i gotta have you come out to a hot summer night's show because to see one okay or the no the whatever it is the sunset and then the [ __ ] energy of being of people being outdoors it's it's like a fun tailgaty like people show their trucks filled with ice and coolers and water and make a jacuzzi out of the thing yeah but you bring that kind of energy everywhere anyway like it's not like they would do that if jim gaffigan was playing there they did it but i mean you bring a party atmosphere i like a party yeah you're you're not that jim gaffigan doesn't have a very rabid fan base he certainly does and he's a great comic that's what i'm saying what i'm saying is like your fans are drunks yeah you're [ __ ] they like the [ __ ] kids they're coming to party dude like we did we did uh colorado uh somewhere in grand junction colorado and did a the other day on my tour did an amphitheater is amazing first of all it's amazing
it's amazing but i'll be very honest i am jealous of those people because i like i want to do what they're doing right have fun in the audience yeah like uh red rocks so i'm sitting in the [ __ ] pool i'm doing red rocks on the 13th someone my phone starts blowing up they're like wilco's playing the 14th dude i'm the biggest [ __ ] wilco fan what's wilco jeff tweedy it's a band out of chicago they're like alternative country kind of they're [ __ ] amazing he is amazing how am i just hearing about this now dude i i literally found out i was my hands were shaking i texted everyone because i when i do red rocks i bring everyone like friends and friends and family that's the tom sagara trait i bring people i rent out a whole set of cabins i get everyone in a cabin everyone comes to my show and then we last time we stayed a date and did jimmy went to jimmy buffett's show got to go backstage meet jimmy buffett gave him a pair of my flip-flops like it was awesome it was awesome and let me tell you something i geeked out over jimmy buffett i made him a little uncomfortable because i was like i was like you have no idea what you mean to me like i i literally jimmy buffett is like a like a hero you're from florida i'm from florida yeah i know i go i was i i i gave him a month worth of bert in five minutes and he you could tell he was overwhelmed he was like well it's great yeah i gotta go on stage oh my just before the show right before the show oh my god how dare you so then i find out wilco's playing and i [ __ ] go i [ __ ] text everyone i'm like we're partying with wilco the night after we're going to see wilco and i told tom yesterday he was like because he knows how much i like wilco he's i texted him he's like dude i go i will creep jeff tweedy out i will make him go i wish this guy had never gone backstage i can't believe he's crying he's like that's how much wilco means to me like they're [ __ ] awesome i'm i'm looking up wilco on apple right now because i'm gonna get it says nothing i once made a fool out of myself in front of my favorite musician roger waters the creator and
basis of pink floyd these are the guys yeah wilco wilco loves you baby all right uh joe you're gonna have a song it's under on the album wilco yeah and the song is called wilco oh i love that i let me tell you this joe i'm on i'm in crow territory okay crow yep we are just native americans native american territory up in montana south south dakota we're riding motorcycles and we just hunted buffalo we take a helicopter back to the top of a mountain get on our motorcycles sun setting okay i get on my motorcycle i throw in wilco wilco the song wilco on the album wilco let me hear some of this [ __ ] play that song that plays this song i want to hear something wilco let spotify work out the legal details of this leave it they got wilco so um do they have wilco yeah but is it okay if it plays on this i don't know let's find out yeah i'm sure there's someone you can call we could only help yeah i could i could call them up [Music] 2009 how am i not known about this oh dude this is just scratching listen to this here we go [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] by myself on top of a mountain in crow territory i'm listening to this i'm getting like emotional oh my god a pack of wild horses runs up next to me in a open field and keeps pace with me i'm running on a motorcycle at [ __ ] 30 miles an hour with horses just and i'm listening to this and i'm like i start crying and i'm like [ __ ] oh magic it was like [ __ ] amazing and uh dude i listened to this this one album that year that whole year i did travel channel oh oh oh i didn't know you were in the country it's all turning into some kind of country yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like i like hank three a lot i think three is yeah what about do you know whiskey myers
no just started listening to marcus king started getting into whiskey myers listen to listen to bury my bones they've got some [ __ ] killer songs man this dude it's like i don't i mean i'm not good at describing the genres of music but listen to this oh this is the music video but yeah give me a little bit before that oh i'm gonna like this guy [Music] [Music] [Music] when it comes time for you to bury my bones [Music] all the shit's like this i like this a lot very good all this shit's like this we have a strong green room uh yeah playlist we bring yeah we bring one of those big jbl boombox speakers those big giant [ __ ] and we have a strong playlist and this is what i generally like to start with because it's like [ __ ] we're getting into this yeah yeah it's a half hour before showtime we're pacing whew we're just firing up we hear the crowd out there it's crazy oh and there's one strong elo slow down this is our showdown showdown excuse me slow down yeah that's how drunken i am elo showdown this is what we play right before we go on stage so this is like the show's about to start at five [Music] yeah start dancing so you got marijuana smoke you got whiskey on ice and we're about to go do the greatest thing in all of entertainment madison square garden boston garden all these places this is our song man we've been doing this one [ __ ] man since last year because we were listening to this when i got covered yep yeah florida so you set up a whole vibe in your green room yeah set up a vibe and uh chappelle sets up a vibe better than anybody he changes the all the lights to red really yeah his dressing room is all red lights everywhere it's dope as [ __ ] jesus the first guy i ever saw to do that was tommy lee
i went backstage from tommy lee's show tommy lee the drummer a good buddy of mine shout out to john rallo well my good buddy john rallo was tommy lee's bodyguard and tommy lee had decided that he wants to fight chris rock excuse me kid rock poor chris i'm sorry here we go again what did he say about his wife i don't know what happened but you know kid rock used to be married to pam anderson and tommy lee was married to pam anderson too and you know whatever so anyway uh i meet tommy lee tommy's like i want to [ __ ] up kid rock i was like oh my god this is this is a disaster like what do you want to do you want to fight him he's like yeah like i think he wanted to fight him in the ufc and i'm like how much training have you had it's like almost none and so it's like i got my money on the redneck like you know i mean i just i've like i wanted to talk him out of it i'm like you don't want to fight kid rock seems like a wild dude from detroit you know yeah so tommy lee's whole green room is set up but like he's got like things on the walls he's got a vibe going on he's got i don't remember it was incense but he's got cool lighting it was like you walk in there like damn this die and john was saying yeah he just like instead of going somewhere he's just going to get harassed he just has all his friends come over and they have a party in his green room so he turns his green room into a party so he's got these you know these places that we do we have these giant ass green rooms yeah so he has this giant ass green room that he has like music has turntables and [ __ ] they're playing music they're having fun it's like he turned his thing into a nightclub that's [ __ ] i i have no vibe really i have no vomit don't you like music i do but i i'm i'm kind of weird i think like oh yeah you're definitely weird like i i like to i like to like work out before i i still do it like i would do we did the road like at clubs like where you i work out like right before the show i try to try to work out i take a nap and then i shower and yeah we do all
that too but i don't list any music i don't know why i don't well once you start it gets it gets more and more fun i don't do any booze or drugs before a show like i can't do anything that's good that's smart we do it all yeah god i would love to do that we're doing key bump survivor mechdin out there i would love to have a vibe i mean it's fun to have a vibe bert it's fun and we you know we start dancing around and also we start talking to each other and we start telling stories and getting excited and when you do that like it kind of like gets your you know it's almost like you're warming up you know you get you know which is bad when you got a non-comic in the room it gets clunky so like when tony and i are riffing like i'll be riffing with tony or tony was in the middle of something and some non-comic friend of his will just dive in with some blah wait why is he my friend it's always his friends they're always they're always back there in that goddamn green room of vulcan they're just pissing all over the punch ball they pulled their hogs out and just ruined them that is a bunch of baloney those are david lucas's friends it's nobody's i don't know whose friends are but it does happen occasionally well someone will get in there and you're in the middle of getting ready to do a show and we're like you know we've got a thing we've been doing this for a long time we've got a rhythm you know and you get warmed up you get loose and i know that if tony is on a rant like if if he hits a subject he's like hey wait a minute and then and then i know some shit's coming i get out of the [ __ ] way yeah but these casuals don't know how to get out of the [ __ ] way and they go diving in i always do a hard reset if someone gives me a premise that like i can do something about you know what i mean so like i'm like oh so you know you say that susan smith killed two of her kids or whatever it was last night and someone else is like yeah she yeah she seriously killed her like they give an actual answer it's like oh no they [ __ ] blocked yeah i've had to tell the guys that he knows shut the [ __ ] up
go let him rant let him rant who are you hanging out with me blockers comedy cockblockers do i get to talk now tony's like two minutes from going on stage he's trying to say something funny this guy's just like [ __ ] blocking him just jolting it's all flustered he's got to leave the room and go on stage what this is not true i get all my [ __ ] friends out of the green room before he shows up not not always not in the early days it took a while is it i i there's there's there's a conversation you have with someone before that they meet joe yo yeah i got and i didn't do it with my parents tonight today i was like i'm gonna let my parents be my parents i was gonna say like like i don't know i'm just terrified of what my dad might say to you it was great yeah they were great they were great yeah she gave him a little speech i didn't give him a speech i actually didn't a lot of times if i bring people's green room i go hey you don't have to talk so don't talk like don't feel a need to talk like joe talks i talk we're comedians we've known each other like you don't don't feel like you have to jump in and i've had people jump in before and you're like oh [ __ ] well the problem is it's in a green room like it's it seems like we're just talking but we're also warming up yeah like we're having fun together we're warming up it's not like you know we all went out to dinner of course everybody should talk but it's not simply a conversation when you're in the green room right before a show it's a warm-up time and when you have casuals in the green room it [ __ ] things up because like you know someone will be in the middle of something and some guy will be talking over them you're like jesus chris tony woods had a shot tell the guy shut the [ __ ] up we were in the the [ __ ] same thing at vulcan and there was some young guy and you know tony was talking and this guy wanted to talk over tony woods was like one of the greatest storytellers of all time ever of all time of all time and so tony's in
the middle of this amazing story this giant smile on his face and this dude and he finally has to go hey man we shut the [ __ ] up did you hear me talking like what are you doing i'm like you got to get them out man you got to get these guys out like some guys are cool and they can hang and they understand and they come back there and a lot of young guys like han kim hans kim is the master at it he's he can like be around ron wy he never gets in the way and he's always been like that from the jump because he's a very intelligent respectful guy yeah but some dudes they're just clunky yeah they all want to shoot their shots sometimes yeah they also think like they can get tight with you yeah you know they can get in with you and like there's there's a certain we were talking about this before that there's like a certain style of comic that doesn't really want to become undeniable what they want to do is they want to just get in somehow and they think that if they get in you'll you'll [ __ ] lift them up and carry them along and that's not how it works yeah it's not how it works and those guys are [ __ ] dead weight and they come in and they think that somehow or another that the business is all about who you know rather than you know these people because you're talented and they love you and they're you're fun to be around you're a great comic and that's that's why they know you and like you it's not just they know you and if you get in there all of a sudden you'll be in you know hey won't you take me with you on the road what what are you talking about yeah like i don't even know you like what this is crazy talk right why would you take a complete stranger when you work in an industry where you know so many different levels well he knows what you know someone will say that to you and like bro you know who i'm traveling with like you you can't you're like you're barely getting going in comedy and you're asking to go on the road with us that's insane but i had someone do it recently i'm like like this is an insane question like you should be getting paid professionally somewhere else first right before you ask to go do a [ __ ] arena right and even like hans who just got that role
had to kill what 200 times in a row yeah he killed a lot yeah he killed a lot but he also he killed and he's fun right fun to be around big smile on his face he's just a sweet guy sweet guy but he's also super smart too like when you talk to him about things he's got an interesting take on stuff like he'll have you'll you'll hear me go oh okay i can't oh okay okay okay like he sees things in a unique way you know but he's still autistic so he'll say it with like mayonnaise hanging out of the side of his mouth it's like hans right there clean it up what autistic people don't recognize mayonnaise nah he's i don't know i'm using autistic loosely david lucas is funny as [ __ ] he's funny as [ __ ] he uh as [ __ ] he we did uh i took him to macon he's from macon and he was like i want can i mind if i do a show with you i grew up in macon i'd love to do a show in making and i was like yeah of course and so we brought him out and then he was like and you know the next that day i'd like to make you like a f i have a full black experience so we're like okay so we go to his house and he did like a fish fry and uh made like hush put i mean he did everything and then we went all in and we all watched madea oh and then they hung out with his mom and his brother and his uncle and everyone it was a [ __ ] awesome awesome day and then came to the show and uh hung out with them all after the show like took pictures and but we brought his mom up on stage with him and he was like out of stage he was like i went to prom here i was like what it was like i went to prom here it's like as cool as [ __ ] man he was like he could not have been nicer but he [ __ ] murdered he murdered on stage yeah he killed last night yeah he killed last night that was a hot [ __ ] crowd last night yeah look at you guys look at you guys yeah that's sweet but you look a little thinner then yeah how long ago was this it's been a rough tour huh it's been a rough time did you watch medea that day she also joined you on stage for that picture that's so cool
so you're off you're off tour now for three months so what's the commitment now what are you gonna do uh no booze no boost no but you're drinking right now yeah but i'm gonna drink until this weekend when my parents leave you don't want to be around your parents over oh no no i love my parents they they're cool they're cool there's a lot of a lot of like moving pieces though yeah and so uh and uh lacey i talked to lacey tate's girlfriend lacy mackey she's my trainer she's coming back we're doing two a days i'm gonna do it two a days yeah so i do i do my cardio in the morning and they should come by the night and we have a cold plunge too right dude i have the best goddamn setup in the [ __ ] world yes sauna polar plunge outdoor shower [ __ ] shout out to bert sorin bert sorin hooked me up with the [ __ ] full rack weights i got everything you could ever [ __ ] want i have absolutely zero excuse because i'm home for three [ __ ] i've never in my adult life been home for three months this is the part that clip is what's gonna play before the results video dude right i i well i plan on for fully loaded i have two weeks in you know june that i'm doing fully loaded because two weeks is fine and then and um it's a little more work than party for me because of all the moving pieces with all the comics make sure they have a [ __ ] blast um i still have to we got to shoot a ton of videos on the front to help move tickets for the second weeks and so fully loaded for two weeks but i'm i'm i'm done man i'm gonna be i got i've got to just because i'm like i went to the doctor and the doctor was like hey blood works great liver is great everything's great makes no sense yeah how's your liver fine your liver is in the green yeah yeah yeah they said it's in the greens enzymes i don't know amazing wow how much glutathione are you taking in i do a rub every evening a rub yeah i have a glutathione rub yeah it pumps it over where the alcohol goes yeah you know glutathione helps your body process alcohol yeah i do a
glutathione rub on my stomach it smells like [ __ ] [ __ ] really when you wake up with your stomach now because i'm [ __ ] trying to take care of myself that's how i do i'm gonna drink less he's like no no no i'm gonna just smell like [ __ ] with this glute style we do ivs pretty regularly on the road and i do a glutathione push and i get my ivs nice um you know i i think people assume i drink more than i drink and i don't drink shut the [ __ ] up with these people we're talking about me i know but which i know exactly how much you drink i'm talking crazy but there are people i think the real people that have actual problems drink when they wake up and don't work out don't do [ __ ] so you never just wake up and start drinking never i mean like don i can't say never because like obviously if i'm [ __ ] partying if we're having a good time like if me and tom will do a shot of tequila in the morning doing two bears or something that's a different story but like when i'm on the road which is 90 of my time or at home i would never have a drink in the morning ever ever ever i don't have my first drink until like [ __ ] midnight because i'm i tell i have my first drink on the second show when i tell the machine story when people start drinking in the morning you know they're off the rails that's why i got a friend who's drinking in the mornings now but that's the people who get real [ __ ] damage to their body is when you don't give your body any time to recover right and and i and i like i i definitely go hard but i mean we get done this second show at midnight are you right whatever and then our wheels up is it two so you don't have any drinks or anything before you go on stage not at all do you find that your performance is better because i know you have drank before you went on stage uh my performance is way better sober however i do like like the occasional going up not at a theater usually i would never do it in a theater but like if i'm doing a club i don't have a problem having a drink and going up and messing around or getting high and messing around and trying to figure things out right like experimental but people paid money to come see me at a
theater i'm stone sober and they don't want that they want me hammered like people send shots to the stage and you don't take them uh i've taken one and the second i took it i just thought i thought [ __ ] i got drugged this way what the [ __ ] am i doing oh that's right and i had a little bit of a panic attack god damn it ari shafir you see what we've done to this man yeah but yeah i'm i mean i can't on my first ring until midnight everyone else around me is hammered they've been drinking all night and then we we're wheels up at two and you [ __ ] end up getting in bed passing out you know and i've been smoking a lot of weed lately just to cut back on my drink and i just get high and then get my bunk hit this [ __ ] blue dream vape pen and just [ __ ] is that what you prefer this blue dream is a [ __ ] lifesaver yeah dude i sleep so sound so [ __ ] sound i bought an ounce of blue dream to roll in joints because i enjoyed it that much and i take i take this into my bed and i'll take like two puffs i'll lay there and i'll wait until my brain starts thinking on its own you know when your brain goes you're going like i got a busy day i got to work on that joke horses should be running next to me right now you're like wait what what the [ __ ] i come from and your brain's like oh my brain's taken over i'm going into sleep and you just disappear wake up in the next city play some disc golf [ __ ] how'd you get into that uh oh we were in texas ty's really big in texas really yeah really big in texas we were in texas and i was looking for a way to get outside we had just been to on it and john had given me a kettlebell and i said i'm gonna take this kettlebell with me everywhere i go that'll be my one of my weight loss programs and so we we walked in this we saw we had the kettlebell and we saw disc golf i said hey we should go play disc golf we played like i don't want to say like uh i wanted probably dallas or sugarland and we went out and played and i [ __ ] fell in love with and i used to play in college and we loved it in college and
and and i there was not the amount of discs there are now back then and all of a sudden i was like [ __ ] so i put up one disc golf video of us playing and the disc golf community hit me up and they're like they're like hey man excited you're into our sport one all the companies started going let me send you some stuff and then we get like legit dis like innova sent us everything and so i sort of discraft started all these places and then we started going out to discounts and then professional disc golfers like paige pierce she's like hey you're in pensacola i'm here tonight why don't you come out and play disc golf with me so i was like cool and then we're playing with the greatest disc golf golfers ever and they're giving us tips and we're all getting a lot better like a lot better and that and now it's our group our my group of guys and we're all playing we're all getting better and we have access to the greatest disc golf courses and the greatest disc golfers in the world the philo is this guy that is a genius he came to my greek show i sat with him after the show and just talked to his golf talk forehands and and and it's fun as [ __ ] how many people are playing that why isn't it like uh a big sport that it's recognized blowing up right is it yeah it's getting blowing up right now because i had a friend that my friend john used to play it back in new york in like the 2000 or earl no it was not it was yeah i guess it was like the early 90s it was like 92-ish somewhere around then and i was like what are you doing he's like i'm playing disc golf i was like what the [ __ ] is that and he was explaining it to me it's so much fun first time i ever got drunk 14 or 15 playing disc golf with my brothers who are much older than me and uh one little bottle of the mike's heart or it was a jack daniels lynchburg lemonade it was called i remember because i'm like this stuff's fun yeah and uh i've played my whole life because it was really big in columbus ohio back then and then when i moved to cali it was that's like the mecca the oldest disc golf course i believe in the world i
think it was invented in like pasadena or something like that and uh awesome golf courses there especially that one i remember that one being cool it had like fallen trees that were like leaning against each other right at the driving tee and everything so you have to literally like it's way down there but you have to first whip it through these like massive trees that are right in front of you that literally like one fell on to another so you have to oh you have to bridge the gap dude you get some beautiful courses where they're like you got to go through this long list of trees you know who really you know what really [ __ ] sparked it dead honestly is i played a [ __ ] couple rounds and i was posted on instagram the first person to reach out was ben askren oh he's a big disc guy he's got his own course at his house and he's like hey man he built like a 29 a whole course at his house and he's like hey man i got a tournament i'd love for you to play in it you want to come out if you're ever in the area tournament at his house he has a tournament at his house ben askren's [ __ ] legit ben askren is [ __ ] legit and so then i started [ __ ] around you know because i if i ever get like a celebrity ever hits me up i always play with it on like aaron rodgers or any of those i play with it on instagram a lot so i'd throw things like yo ben is this legal and [ __ ] around and then as soon as ben started tweeted about me the disc golf community heard about me and and you can tell if someone's really passionate about something or if they're not passionate and i just people would hit me up might be like i'd send people my shots i'd give me notes mostly i've [ __ ] my arm up doing a backhand so i've been throwing a lot of forehands what do you mean uh i [ __ ] your arm up throwing the golf throwing disc off how does that thing weigh uh 173 ounces is what i'm throwing for my driver 173 ounces is really heavy i think it's 173 ounce it's 173 is the weight grams grams 173 grams oh it's like jesus
you know how [ __ ] heavy that is 173 grams one ounce fishing weight feels like oh yeah that's not that yeah it's but all your numbers your weights are on your thing so like okay if you're throwing into the wind you want to throw a heavier disc if you're going again with the wind you want to throw a lighter disc but i mean i i'm obsessed i could watch disc golf all [ __ ] day so okay so it's set up in trees that's kind of dope too that they don't have to [ __ ] up the environment right like they don't have to you know they don't have to cut all the grass and remove all the trees to make a chorus it actually kind of enhanced so this is i think this is paige is that paige is uh ben's pro-am so probably i think that's paige pierce it's kind of interesting like why isn't this more popular and what made it more popular again like what was the cause of it like having a resurgence well it's ridiculously popular the people that play it play the hell out of it the courses are packed all the time it's just like not a mainstream what does that mean ridiculously popular type in [ __ ] it up type in uh type in uh best disc golf throws like th you'll see guys throwing it 450 feet or yeah yeah feet and don't say numbers be like joe biden no numbers and then i mean this dude look at jomez so jomez is based out of austin i've hit that guy up they they have a great disc golf channel type in this one's like hole-in-ones yeah oh so you throw it like that i throw it like that oh yeah i can you get addicted i i [ __ ] love this [ __ ] so there's like millions of people playing this you think uh is it on television is it televised no i was gonna do a i was gonna do it i was trying to organize a two bears one cave disc golf tournament and get a million dollar purse you should i'm trying that seems like something you guys would totally be able to do we do it in hawaii the innova has got a great course in hawaii oh yeah bring about all the pros down do a pro am the day before and then do a big tournament these guys are monsters and and we i mean i get access to a lot of
things now we got access to a uh minor league stadium the other night and we and we get done amarillo they hit us up they're like hey man we own the minor league stadium you want to come over and play disc golf and we're like in the stadium i travel with my own goal my own [ __ ] goals i travel with it on the bus i have maybe 250 discs on the bus what i have joe wow dude that's crazy first of all innova they've all hooked me up amazingly um mvp discs uh there's so many great discs that uh i've been hooked up with but if if i see a disc golf shop i'd go and drop a [ __ ] you just all in 200 bucks you're all in on oh i'm looking for every wraith you can possibly have i want every cuddle i want every plastic that you have i want the g-star i want the the wraith is my disc it's a great underhand disc and so we set up a disc golf course in a minor league stadium and i was like and we're just going to the [ __ ] top decks throwing from there throwing like 320 feet it's [ __ ] it was so much fun so what happened to your arm so i was doing paige pierce takes us out and uh it's i mean it really is beautiful when you watch her throw a disc but she was showing me the proper way of of really putting your hips into it turning your back to the tee and then really snapping it and that this how important the spin was and i threw one and i just felt like a pop and i went whoa and i was like that's nothing and then i kept throwing kept throwing and i was like god damn it's starting to hurt and i was like [ __ ] i was like [ __ ] and then i and then i've disc golf outings with set up with all these great disc golfers and i'm like i'm i want to go play with them but i'm hurt and i'd wrap my arm up and then i went out to this one place in richmond virginia i think and they were like uh this guy richard took me out and he was like let me show you how to um throw forehand and i was like that's how i initially threw was like more like a sidearm and i just and it didn't hurt my arm and i was throwing a lot further really and i was like [ __ ] i'm so further than even the traditional way you were doing it before yeah the other way i couldn't my distance was never great but this way
for whatever reason which way do most of the pros do it um uh but most pros can do both and they do both do both and and like the guys who throw it the furthest to a backhand and they'll they'll spin into it and just [ __ ] heave it i mean when you play with a pro you see such a difference in their game that you're like it's like it's so [ __ ] noticeable but it's it's uh this is a pro giving pointers how to throw a forehand and disc golf yeah i've watched all these i think i know him oh whoa yeah that thing flies um i mean all i post on my instagram is promo dates and tour and disc golf shots i mean my instagram i have a one slow motion i look beautiful in but i was calling shots i was calling shots and it was like it was so much fun i was like all right i'm gonna do an anhyzer up around this tree into the [ __ ] thing and i called it and i did it and it was like right by the pin and i was like it's so much fun oh it's so much fun i said we play in austin there's there's a brewery we played austin and what's crazy is like because i'm because i i you know i've talked about disc golf on big podcast on two bears and whatnot so the whole community knows me now they know i'm into it so like there's a brewery right by the airport here in austin and they've got like a nine-hole course it's a [ __ ] badass course i roll in they're like machine i was like what's up and they're like cold beers what this you need and i was like boom wow and then we went out played had a [ __ ] blast sun was setting in austin oh dude boston's a great scene for disc golf yes it's a great scene for regular golf and for everything really we need to set up a jre tournament between tony hinchcliffe and young jamie absolutely that's what needs to go down we need to have a tel some sort of a televised one-on-one that's a good idea yes yeah you've got one that's what i'm saying i'm saying we need to have something i'd love to commentate that yeah you and me and you let me commentate yep we'll commentate i don't know what the [ __ ] is happening so i have to ask you and then i'll play
like the the average person that's watching and then have tony mike with a wireless jamie mike with a wireless set the date i love this hey i've been ready i've been waiting hey hey you know where we can do it i mean you know where we can do it jamie sent me location you know where we can do it at uh scottsdale national is that the course we'll do it right here bro oh yeah why we are where we travel well it's one of the most beautiful courses i've ever been to in town uh ron white bought a house on a golf course out here yeah this golf course where he uh lives is literally the best golf course that i've ever been on and i've played at pebble beach whoa yeah i played at pebble beach i played a pebble beach with my dad six thousand dollars a person to play jesus rent the hotel room you can't play pebble beach unless you stay at pebble beach uh you have to rent the hotel room you have to stay at pebble beach that's a ski and then you got to play we played two we had to play spyglass i think or what's the other one what's the other one spanish we played spanish hill yeah yeah we played spanish hill i had an eagle of spanish hill my [ __ ] dad lost his [ __ ] turned it into a promo video ripped my shirt off on [ __ ] spanish hill on the [ __ ] machine uh tuesday i'll be in louisville uh had an eagle and and my dad and i played [ __ ] great and my dad played great the next morning we go to play pebble beach and my dad's like my back's not feeling so great and i said well try taking like just you take a uh tylenol he goes i think i'm going to eat an edible and i go i go okay so he over prescribes himself and on the first hole he's like i think i might have eaten too much marijuana we go to the [ __ ] third third holes the drivable par four uh i think it's a third hole it's on a cliff and my dad goes is it just me or that cliff right right next to us it is it really is there's something about a golf course
right there on that coast of california where it's like already the land and energy and life is sort of like wibbly-wobbly so even if you're sober it's trippy as hell pull up pictures of pebble beach trump international every time i've been right on the coast so wait this is standing there this is the this is the trademark hole right this part three right there go back to that part three so look at this this is all on the cliffs right jesus and my dad is higher than giraffe [ __ ] he is [ __ ] high as [ __ ] and he is hugging the walls of the [ __ ] by the golf cart pass going get away from the [ __ ] cliff he's having a full-blown panic attack we go to play this part three and he goes i can't do it buddy i'm done i'm done i can't play i paid six thousand dollars to play golf with him at pebble beach and he gets too [ __ ] high he couldn't put this is the this is the drivable par four this is when he started having his panic attack oh my god oh that's hilarious the next one's a part three the one after that is the par five that you drive up blindly and my dad at that par five i'm over by the thing and he is hugging the cart path and he's like get the [ __ ] away from the cliff he's sitting on the ground holding onto the grass if you have time and you have money there's an endless amount of things you could get into oh yeah you know this is a heart by the way at this whole tony i said to myself wait i've played pebble beach on tiger woods golf wow look how pretty that is oh it's [ __ ] gorgeous joe unreal the green is so lush oh but what's it gonna say is like if you think about people that say that they're bored like god there's so much you can do there's so many things to get in if you have time and money you know and if you don't have time and money you're probably working and if that case you're not on board anyway you might be bored of your job but if you have time if you have if you have uh like a need to get into something there's so many things to get into you just got to be careful it's hard to
rob you of your time it's hard to get into [ __ ] though which like what kind of [ __ ] everything in what way i don't know it's like it has to sort of be an accident it's kind of it's got like i've tried to get into some [ __ ] like what like leather we're making i [ __ ] got into leather making because i needed a hobby my therapist told me i needed a [ __ ] hobby and the next you know i turn it into work i'm like i'm gonna sell these at my shows i could sell them for like 90 bucks a wallet and then i'm gonna bang out more wallets i need to hire some people to help me with this leather working i turn everything into [ __ ] work oh i see everything turns into work like i don't know how i was saying this to tom i want a hobby like i want a hobby i would love to want to hunt well you have disc golf well i have disc golf yeah yeah i guess i dropped yeah what am i saying yeah but the second you do that two bears invitational well that's you know what it is my brain starts going in i reach out to the jomez guys and i'm like well i got people a couple people said hey do you want to commentate one of these and i go [ __ ] yeah and then i was like we'll do two bears invitational i should come on my own line of disk and like my brain goes into business mode too quick i was never who i was i don't know when the [ __ ] this happened to me well once you started making real money and you didn't have to [ __ ] worry about the travel channel firing you anymore yeah that's what happened that's exactly what happened you realize you are the master of your own destiny and now that you've got the ball rolling you look you got great work ethic man you [ __ ] put in the work and that's why you like and you start thinking like okay i gotta hustle i gotta keep hustling just like how you make these promos it's the same kind of deal the thing about this div this disc golf thing is you can actually help disc golf like i think if you guys do the two bears one cave invitational it will put a lot of light on disc golf it might give it like a significant boost yeah i want i want to get legit prize money for it you probably could do it man i think you could do it i've thought about doing something similar with pool but it's
almost impossible it's almost impossible to get people interested in pool because the the people that love pool love it and everybody else like they're looking at it they don't care the ball's going into the hole it doesn't mean anything like pool is like an art form that only the only people that can appreciate it are the people that play it yeah you don't play pool you watch somebody run out it just looks like every shot's an easy shot it does it does it's hard to explain it would i think pool would benefit from and i don't know if they have this but like someone explaining it to the dummy it would do that but really only benefits for to a player if you don't play they'd be like people love when it's cool in a movie that's what that's when pool gets a boost like the color of money like that tom cruise movie after that came out pool halls were packed i remember those days because that's right around the time i first played pool i think it was like almost was that 86 what year is that what year is the color of money i had this girl that i was dating at the time she was like super competitive she wanted to beat me at pool it was like was it 86. um and uh she like we went to and we're both terrible but we're playing and i was like i'm gonna get better and i'm gonna beat this lady like [ __ ] her i was talking a lot of [ __ ] and i remember then as time went on uh i would play it every now and then with a friend you know like you'd be at a bar as a pool day but oh that'll be fun but then when i really started getting into it i realized like oh like there's layers and layers and layers to this thing and then i became i was thinking like why is this more popular it's interesting because it's so hard to do and it's so rewarding when you're good at it i'm like why isn't this not more popular because it's so pool is so addictive when you get good at it and everyone thinks they can play a little bit yeah that's it color money and he's one of the rare guys tom cruise by the way did not know how to play pool before this movie was was filmed and he um they
hired rather the people that made the movie martin scorsese hired uh mike siegel who's a multiple time world champion one of the greatest pool players of all time who was also a lefty and he taught tom cruise to play pool this little this little dance he's doing here i did this in russia yeah give me some volume on this and this is when paul newman comes to the pool hall where he's supposed to be hustling and instead of hustling he's showing his full game and he's showing everybody how good he is so instead of just playing pool you know and just sort of doing just enough to win he's running out and doing it having fun like he's not even nervous and he [ __ ] up the action for the whole town and this is uh very unrealistic that anybody would do this i did that but in real life but what's not bad though is his actual pool play his pull his stroke he looks good he plays as good as a guy who doesn't really play as you literally can like the people that like really look like that like jackie gleason really looks like he could play yeah he does jackie gleason if you go back and watch the hustler um watch go back to uh go to get to go to the hustler jackie gleason plays pool jackie gleason could play like a legitimate professional pool player like he was he could run a hundred balls which is in the game of straight pool is it's that's like the club like if you're a real player you actually know how to play you can run a hundred balls that means i mean just rack them and round them yeah it's four it's 14 1 is the game and you know it's either called straight pool or it's called 14-1 and in that game you have one ball that's the break ball on the table and then you shoot that ball and the cue ball slams into the rack and opens up the rest of the balls and then you can pick any ball to shoot at and the whole idea is to just never miss and keep shooting and get perfect position on the next shot but when you watch him play like he moves that cue stick like a guy who's played his whole [ __ ] life he plays
like a real pool player and this is without a doubt the very best pool player actor that we've ever seen in a movie like by a long shot like if i walked into a pool room and i saw this guy playing i'd be like who's that guy i bet he really could play oh no he could play you know he was he was he grew up in pool halls in new york like his his game was like 100 legit so he was i mean he was a comedian at the time he's got from the honeymooners right so this is a very rare role for him to play a very stoic quiet serious pool player like this is not a jackie gleason role in terms of like the use of his talent jackie gleason was the honeymooners jackie gleason was smoking the bandit jackie gleason was like this big bombastic character not in this movie this movie he's quiet he barely talks he barely talks shoot pool fast eddie you know like they have this uh this meeting goes he goes you shoot a good stick he goes and they have this little banter back and forth you shoot straight pool mister now and then you know how it is he's got a cigarette he's like you're a minnesota fats aren't you and he's like who's asking you know they how can they go through this whole banter while he's got to say is your name felson eddie felson i hear you've been looking for me and they have this like banter back and forth we're trying to size each other up that's like basically his dialogue the whole movie the rest of the movie is just him playing pool really yeah they had him they had him play minnesota fats because he's a bad [ __ ] on a pool table and you believed it you believed that he was the best in the world see i think i think you i remember having this conversation with you one time and you were talking about pool and doing something with pool you your interests are uh are contagious like the things you're you're i was i've said this to so many people you're probably one of the most curious people i've ever met in my life but what you're interested in are [ __ ] i didn't know i was going to be interested in like what you name it [ __ ] uh the mushroom guy remember we did a [ __ ] sober october thing and the mushroom guy was in here you had a podcast with the guy that eats all the mushrooms yes and uh can stam it
yeah and i didn't know anything about the guy and then i get home and then i look into the guy listen to the podcast i'm like this guy's [ __ ] amazing things you're interested in i'm i don't give a [ __ ] about mushrooms i better never eat mushrooms but i [ __ ] watch this kind of like goddammit i should eat mushrooms but like the things you're interested in i listen to the one with the dude i don't know who the guy's name is is it that group of guys that you're friends with that are like uh they're all like uh the political guys did you were talking about project veritas project veritas and it was a very [ __ ] smart dude he told a story about the girl drilling the hole in her head to release the energy so that she could be what about that this is i know trap pending that's what it's called right when they drill holes in their heads no but i don't remember someone telling us no someone talked about it there was a guy on the podcast who talked about a socialite who drilled a hole in her head you guys watched it was it eric weinstein it was eric weinstein yeah so but like what you're interested in i just follow that because you know tommy's interested in racing yeah i have no interest in racing whatsoever really none i don't care at all but tom talks about it enough and he's really into it you start thinking well no well the number one thought i had was i want to learn more about this because i know tom's not an idiot he likes cool stuff right he does so i put on formula one the [ __ ] show on netflix do you guys have you seen it no oh is that the name of it it's [ __ ] like follow the driver yeah it's [ __ ] amazing so they have like an in-car camera no they follow the drivers throughout their journey of the season and they follow the teams it is [ __ ] insane dr drive to survive formula one drive to survive so i watch it and then i realize and then and then i realize just let people introduce you to the [ __ ] they're into and then be
open-minded and get into that [ __ ] and immediately i come down to tom next time i've been watching drive to survive i go we should start a race team and he was like i'd love that i go that's all i need to know is that you'd love that because if you love it i'm gonna love it i'm gonna love watching you love it and our fans will love it and so i bought him a [ __ ] race car dude all you have to do joe is just be dude my whole family is [ __ ] pretty handy with a bow and arrow because when you got into archery i walked into a store one time and then like yeah rogan's industry you want to see your archers and stuff and i was like looking for something for the girls to do so i bought them the recurved bows my whole family's got a legit [ __ ] archery shot because you got into it and then cam haynes i'm [ __ ] fascinated by that guy like it's all the [ __ ] you're interested in other people find interesting and yeah but pool is it's a long learning curve long learning curve to get good at pool i'll tell you what it's almost like saying you're interested in stand-up comedy more people should do stand-up comedy but yeah but but a lot of people have access to trying out pool like my daughter you sent those pool cues to me yeah and uh we got we got some [ __ ] ones for the kids when they're over and my daughter isla pulled one yours out and put it in her [ __ ] room she goes no one [ __ ] to touch this it's a graphite one yeah she goes carbon fiber carbon fiber she goes dad this is mine and i was like okay and dog my kids play pool a lot yeah those are predators those are good it's a [ __ ] badass pool cue it's a good cue to well you know world-class professionals use those cues too it used to be that everybody wanted wood cues and now a lot of guys are playing with carbon fiber carbon fiber shafts they're very consistent i'm telling you man i would just i would just i would do something if i were you i do shoot shoot a pool show here with some professionals put it on your youtube thought about it i thought about doing something i just don't exactly know what i would do or how i would do it not quite sure yeah but it's like this
podcast this podcast what definitely wasn't what it is wasn't what it was started as is what it is today yeah but the thing is i like playing pool too like i don't want to i don't want to play in the tournament because if i do then i'll get obsessed and then i'll start playing eight hours a day that's what i'm worried about i don't have the time to just like i can play when i want and have fun and have some play some games but if i really like if i started playing competitively i would get crazy and then i'd want to play all the time and then i'd start thinking about it i'd be out dinner if the conversation was boring i'd be thinking about bank shots and how to put the right inside english on a shot and move around the table to get a ring around clusters of balls and start thinking about [ __ ] yeah not good it's nice to take your brain off stuff though yes it's good for that same but archery is even better i think i think archery is the very best thing for taking your brain off something there's something about just dry but just like drawing back that bow and centering that that sight on that target and then the perfect release of an arrow and watching it sail and shoo right in the bullseye it's so satisfying when we got into archery it was over the pandemic and uh get to whatever entry-level recurve bows for the girls island's left-handed george was right-handed and i and they're we're all getting into his fun we have that new house we're right now it was just property then and uh and alex i like this i just don't like the getting the arrows and i said i said yeah yeah that sucks but i think that's part of the funnest then you'll go check your your shots and where you're at she's like yeah so the next like three days later we get a delivery on amazon and it is a hundred arrows and this [ __ ] kid would just all she cares is this and she would shoot [ __ ] a hundred arrows and then just leave him and was done and so if you wanted an arrow you had to go [ __ ] pull out a hundred [ __ ]
arrows that's hilarious these two idiots were shooting into our like towards our neighbor's house and i go guys i'm like what the [ __ ] are you doing and i was like well we sent it through a couple back in his yard i'm like he's got a [ __ ] dog like if he's hurt yeah that's hilarious that's a cool thing about being open-minded to get into [ __ ] you know i think it's good for your brain too it's also good for your brain to be a beginner being a beginner is important because when you're a beginner you learn things from the very like from the first steps and then that process of learning stuff you get better at and you can apply it to the next thing and the next thing like the more things you can get good at the better because then you kind of understand what getting good at something entails like what's what's involved and every new thing whether it's stand-up comedy or whether it's learning how to shoot a bow every new thing has its own little subtleties that you have to learn its own techniques its own you know its own uh difficulties that you have to overcome it's it's important it's like when you're just good at this a thing and you just keep doing that thing over and over again it's not bad it's not like it's bad to just keep trying to get better at this one thing that you're really good at it's very good in a lot of ways yeah but there's something to be said for learning new things and becoming a beginner surfing i'm sure that's those hard as [ __ ] i'm start i'm starting i bought two surfboards and uh we're going to go up to the beach and stay there a lot these next three months and just i want to learn how to surf i want to learn how to so you're going to get a coach well i have access to a bunch of pro surfers like meaning like they've you know their their fans or whatever and i've texted with a couple and i was thinking about going down and maybe just taking like jamie o'brien's class like he does like a class at turtle bay and just doing it going down to hawaii for a week and like learning and then and then i want to i just would love to i did just eating by a shark if you go to hawaii
i'm worried you'd get eaten by a shark i uh last year fierce what's the first year fears oh dying but but not by shark no that's the way i want to go out i wouldn't mind getting attacked by a shark oh my god we got to go out one way right yeah but don't say that um what about those wave pools i would love they've got one i have one wake up they've got one waco i would love to do that action bronson did that that's like the [ __ ] yeah i would do that maybe next time i come down and do two bears i'll stop by waco and and do that i would love to do that they don't have one in la kelly slater's has one but you can all from what i saw casey neistat in there and you only get like seven minutes in the pool and that's not enough time to learn yeah well that's one of the things that they're talking about when when it comes to uh surfers today like one of the things my friend shane dorian was saying is that surfers today have access to wave pools and so young kids that have access to wave pools they're they're like so advanced because they have so much time on the board yeah as well that i saw kailani do something about talk about that you said shane dorian's name today and i i geeked out i follow his son on instagram oh yeah son's a badass [ __ ] surfer yeah i watched imagine i watched them i think i watched them take his son out for his first surfing lesson his first surfing session in jaws but like i'm fast i love the ocean i love the water i love the water that's why i love polar plunging so much i just love i love everything about water and i would love to be able to surf i would love to be able to like take a board out go out get a great workout yeah like my buddy nathan florence has a has a whoop his whoop numbers he'll post them on his instagram are [ __ ] insane that's just from surfing oh dude he's doing workouts that like my heart couldn't sustain i mean but he's you know he's getting caught on the inside of pipeline so he's like having to like go under for three waves or whatever but like i would love i would love to be able to do that it would be like that
would be like i i think it will probably change my brain a little bit um and i've and i i just i've taken lessons i suck a bit it's because i'm fat and i have a hard time getting up on the board that's not even joking i'm sure when i bought when i bought the board joe the kid that sold me the board goes uh goes uh what are you getting these for i said surfing and he goes okay he's really sweet he goes can i give you some advice like again he goes she'll work on getting off the ground and i went what he goes no like uh like practice doing push-ups and stuff and getting up quick and do a lot of that before you go out in the water and i was like oh yeah that is a good advice to like i should literally see if i can pop up on my feet for my hands because that's the hardest part the hardest part is when you're and then we went out surfing and i was like man i could catch the wave fine i could get myself here but the second i had to slide my feet under i had to get them past my [ __ ] stomach and i was like god damn it so i was like that's my goal is to lose enough weight so i can surf and i can enjoy the water like that all right so do you want to do this with david lucas in red band or do you want to do this independently oh i think you should do it independently i'm doing it independently but i love those guys those guys need to be involved in something but you you should do something and just document it on social media i'm gonna i'm going with it i'm gonna measure my body when i get home i'm gonna measure my body waist stomach tits arms thighs calves i do you see that every time you hire someone to do a 3d scan or they scan you like they're going to make a video character of you come on man we're doing it burst pressure style pressure style is you you hire someone to do a 3d yeah i had to do one of those for the ufc video game i'm in the ufc video game so i had to stand there like this just stand there like this and they spin around i think
maybe i had to throw some kicks and [ __ ] and do some moves but oh yeah because you were an unlockable character right yeah i was a character yeah so you would uh spin around and this thing circuited yeah that's me this thing circles you and goes around you and it it gets all the measurements of your body so it gives a pretty accurate representation of what your body looks like did you do that the um we had to do that for my movie they had to put them in the thing and the [ __ ] wardrobe lady put give me my clothes and they're all really tight and i'm like have i gained weight she's like you're fat i don't know what to tell you you're fat you're oh my god and i was like okay i was like i was like these i feel really tight i don't remember him being this yo you've been [ __ ] eating the whole time here in serbia you're fat that's what you look like i'm sorry like very direct do you when you deal with people that grew up in socialism they have a different way to way to talk to you jesus christ like at one point the person doing my beard i said i said you know i feel like you're combing my hair different she goes yes yes i said what she goes yes you need to look like uh like uh your stunt double and i said what do you mean she goes his hair doesn't it parts i said wait my stunt double needs to look like me she goes no it's easier to make you look like stunt double and i was like no no no no he's never in the movie like i'm in the mood you need to make him look like me and she goes well it's easier to make you look like him and so for [ __ ] a big chunk of the movie i look like i have a different haircut and a different beard trim because why did you let her do it i didn't even realize she was doing it until it was too late and i was like you just trimmed my what a crazy lady yeah so but the same thing so we do the thing for the fitting or the the for an action figure of bert chrysler an action figure right right i'm in my action figure clothes my fight scene closed i'm i'm just doing the thing and i'm like these i feel fat as [ __ ] like i
wasn't this fast she goes no this is what you look like this is what you look like i do another outfit i do i go this is even [ __ ] tighter and i put my shoes on i go my feet didn't grow and then she looks and she goes oh you have wrong outfit that's just done for sun double in my action figure i'm gonna be like this i look [ __ ] huge it's gonna be [ __ ] hilarious i'm sure but i'm in someone else's clothes i look like i'm in someone else's clothes that's hilarious yeah that was uh that was a an eye-opening uh they're just harsher with it i'm going hard i'm going hard i'm doing trifecta meals okay they sent me meals every week okay i'm doing uh two a days with with lacey okay well we've said it it's out there it's out there so now it has to be done i'll post it tony's gonna get jacked show them the guns tony see that you're pretty muscular yeah [Laughter] it's like a will ferrell movie i love tony's belly well i can suck that in no i have abs under there but if i let it go this is texas dude we are one lunch away from being fat here you would you let it go for a little bit and i did dude i was nasty about six months ago thank god for hot yoga it's so easy to just overeat here oh my gosh there's so much good food oh get on a tour bus oh okay why do you have your face on a tour bus because i i like selling is that what it does it sells tickets 100 you pull in the city and everyone [ __ ] goes oh [ __ ] i didn't know you was in town really yeah i mean they know where you are at all times that's creepy part but uh it was definitely it definitely has been was the best is uh what i mean the tour bus drives around the country when i'm not on it also oh so just have him drive around like a mobile ad no no no like he'll drive so like he's he's running across country right now and i was like yo stop by uh lawrenceville georgia brandon mississippi on your way
because i'm doing those for free did you lease this bus or did you buy it at least that i'm gonna i think we're buying the next one next run they're super expensive right no no i mean yeah but not for nothing what are you doing whatever i mean i live in that thing and what you get out of it dude i love living in a tour bus and the guys live in there with you everyone lives in there so we're all bunking together we all do bunks i got rid of the bed because i wanted to have make sure that everyone felt equal because i asked them to live in there i want them to know i'm willing to live like they are oh and so we all have bunks we have a condo style bro that's whack make those [ __ ] sleep in the bunk and you get it dude fat a beautiful bed with a golden door we have a golden door i had my first one i had with a knocker [ __ ] sweet bed with a bathroom my own bathroom it was a badass bus and then when we did uh the outdoor shows last summer or two summers ago whatever brothers pandemic i uh i got us all bunks i was like we're living on the bus we're staying in a bubble how many guys oh we fill it up everyone every bunk one two three four five six seven eight nine ten so ten guys on a bus together traveling across the country in a in a bus and a woman my tour bus my tour managers yeah that's wild it dude it's so much fun it's so tight have you done it tony i have a i i once did it with brian regan on his bus we did an amphitheater in toronto or detroit and then the next night we had an amphitheater in toronto so that night after detroit we just had the time of our lives drinking and doing whatever we wanted to on a tour bus with a bunch of comedians so you're just [ __ ] it's literally like this like the lobby of those so the living room of those things is just as comfortable as anything and then yeah they have the same access to anything so it's literally just like hanging out but you're traveling at the same time do you ever do uh podcasts from a tour bus i
have uh you know it's not ideal they're loud oh the noise of the engine yeah they're loud um but did jamie is that something that can be worked around i mean yeah yes but like while you're moving it makes it tough because it's pretty loud when you're driving down the road but man when you get in a tour bus you go it's there's no better feeling than uh i don't do it as much anymore but i still do it a little bit now and then i have antibodies um getting on the show i tell the audience where we're gonna go party we go to a bar everyone shows up to the to the rusty clam right [ __ ] packed wall-to-wall i go behind the bar i'm making drinks have a blast uh get a heads up for the tour manager bus is outside you walk outside you get on your bus everyone gets in you're just coming out of the bar everyone's having a great time and then just talking or doing movie night where everyone sits down and watches a great [ __ ] movie and you're like god damn it man i forgot apocalypto it was a badass [ __ ] movie would you watch this while you're driving yeah and then go back to the way back go back to the way back we'll smoke a blunt smoke a joint everyone would be sitting back there we're all crammed in the way back and the way back is where you used to have a bedroom where you used to have a bedroom now what is it now it's where they do their editing and uh and we keep our camera equipment and my clothes and then everyone else keeps our clothes in the bunk and then under the bus we have a inflatable pool we travel with we have a smoker we travel with how long were you on this bus with these guys for oh uh since 2020 no but i mean how long is this stretch i do three weeks on one week off wow so three weeks you guys are just in that bus every day well three weeks we do uh we'll usually do one week then we'll fly out to austin do two bears fly back and then we'll say another two weeks and then on our days off we'll take the bus to like we were in breckenridge we took the brust we were on the way to through colorado we took it to breckenridge and got a airbnb and [ __ ] did some mountain climbing
and just some [ __ ] fun it's like getting an airbnb is the best too it sounds awesome yeah we got to wrap this up we got a show in a few hours oh [ __ ] i got to dinner with my parents in 30 minutes tony hedgecliff you're the [ __ ] man kill tony it's on youtube uh every monday you can see it live at vulcan if you have tickets in austin texas but you're not going to get tickets unless you're very creative because it sells out basically instantaneously every week and it's uh the best live show in all of comedy you want to go see a live video of what's going to be on youtube like like a it's a game show kind of it's not not a game show but it's like a live comedy show it's not just stand-up it's a lot it's very fun it's a great show very fun live it's great for stand-up too it's like in my opinion it's a cornerstone of comedy because it lets people know like this is just about being funny you know this is not about your ideology or any nonsense and it's like everybody's doing the same thing there's no shortcuts no faking it no no we don't do that kind of comedy around here it's just funny it's just be as funny as you can and you get people from all walks of life that enter in and put their name in the bucket to do a minute in front of celebrity comics in front of an awesome band and an amazing live crowd that is like die hard to go to it as much as they can yeah so much fun yeah it's a blast we did the last time i was in town and i do not remember it ah i know i remember i pulled your [ __ ] out yeah you got pants for his pants were already falling off and i was drunk and i was like what is this like half his ass was i'm like if i just did this and i just reached over and right down the knees that was great it was fun time i love you guys love you guys i love you great to see you brother um everybody knows where to get your show uh two bears one cave are you still doing bert cast still do burkhaus broadcast our cast are you doing a fully loaded festival two weeks in june red rocks in september is burpberbert.com the best place to find everything all right bye everybody [Music] you