Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN6irnDV_VA
[Music] cheers sir dude happy new year happy uh these little um i already called you kind of reenact a scene from movies and it's been really fun and it's hard because you have to you have to like know the scene really well so i've done like the planes trains and all you know my [ __ ] car my [ __ ] um so it's been fast on my new little uh gig but yeah i try to keep it fun instagram no you definitely do and you're obviously you've done a lot of radio because you have one earring on yeah jim norton is [ __ ] no i do this jim norton does that too yeah a lot of people do that i don't know yeah i don't know what yeah i like a little yeah a little bit of yeah a little exactly exactly look at your first looking at me like put your head set up right yeah we've uh been doing comedy for so [ __ ] long and that we've never met it's kind of funny that is bizarre i mean you've been doing it um 30 plus years yeah yeah i started in 1985. yeah i started in 88 so i had to reach out all right i got my three did you the veteran here [ __ ] um you're a funny guy man and you take you at least used to take a lot of [ __ ] and i i never understood i would never run i don't either i never have understood that but it's mellowed out a little bit it's kind of like you know you've done it so long yeah kind of like okay you can go to the barbecue now you're part of the club but um for years and years i mean uh from from the very very beginning which is kind of funny you being a comic book i started in florida um one thing everybody worried about was uh was you know fever you know you want to steal you know i stole zach so i thought you know not only did i do my my thing just because i wanted to do props but i thought wow no one's gonna hate me because i'm doing i'm not doing anyone's i mean i'm you know stealing crime watch signs and [ __ ] right and lugging around the country so if anything they would say you know okay he's not funny or at least he's original
but he's not funny but they would say oh no he's you know everything they i just got i would get [ __ ] for like i was the [ __ ] i was just filling the punch line just yeah you were you were a whipping boy yeah you know what it's like you're like the it's like nickelback for whatever nickelback takes so much [ __ ] it's like someone decides that that's a good punchline you know they're right and i've seen nickelback and they put on a pretty amazing show they've got some good songs and they do they're pop songs yeah but so [ __ ] what it's like they're not hurting anybody it was you know so so let's say i would do a show and we have a you know nice crowd it was great standing ovation we get on the bus and we're driving to wherever our next gig and we're all watching you know the tv and then boom there's a car top rip and i'd be like you know what the [ __ ] we just i just not only we just did a great show we had a whole bunch of people laughing yeah so this one guy is telling me you know that whatever you know i've always been a guy that's uh considered the source i mean i was always picked on as a kid but but when i'd come home my mom was you know what happened another guy picked on me who was it was this guy well consider the source right yeah it's always been that with with comedy too like when you know george carlin said i was funny that that just negated every every [ __ ] that said i've sucked george carl and thought i was funny so yeah well you kind of want i think most humans want everyone to love them right yeah so we're all but as comics we're we're even more sensitive we want i want i want not only to have fans but i want my peers to like me as well so it's weird and then people say well who gives a [ __ ] you know you know you have fans that love you who cares about your peers i'm like well you kind of want other comics to go hey man i dig your style you know no for sure that's the thing if you're rejected by your peers if even if the rest of the world loves you what comics hate you right it's horrible it's been like i said i've kind of i've done it so long i guess they finally like ah [ __ ] it he can stay i guess well i think first of all you
own the genre now there used to be like when i started in 88 there used to be prop comics yeah you became so successful as a prop comic that you own the genre like there's no prop comics anymore man i think i know i don't think anyone wants to be one that's what i think they're like [ __ ] that i'm not going down that path i'm going to take over all the abuse that i took i'd tell them don't do it but when we had though like you said that rip taylor or yeah um gallagher and by the way gallagher was very much of an influence uh on me when i was when i started doing uh comedy and i and um i i i would get uh well i should just tell you so so one day gallagher meets me for lunch and and gallagher is listening so he um he's up he's yelling at me and screaming in front of everybody in front of the like the valley and he says i stole his act and i was like gallagher yeah he meets you for lunch to yell at you yeah well i think we've made up since i think he came to the show and told me how to redo it but i know he did i've heard him get rid of that sounds funny get rid of crazy and and you know stop doing props so um yeah so uh but the thing that i thought was kind of funny because i in my defense of gallagher i used to always say um it's not the watermelon that's he's a really brilliant comic i mean you go back and listen to his writing yeah it was great but all people knew was him jumping on the big couch and right hitting the watermelon but i would always say no that guy's a genius and so then he meets me and he tells me you know what you stole my act and you didn't steal the you stole the stupid stuff and i said we talked well first i didn't steal anything he says hey the stupid stuff why didn't you steal the smart stuff the words the stuff that's actually clever why would you i said but i didn't steal it's my stupid stuff i didn't was he saying you stole my whole act he said you know just that may be the genre i guess
because if you break down gallagher prop stuff it was always a pun it was a shoe horn it was like ripped rip taylor kind of like a it's a butterfly it's butter with wings and mine was like no it's a crime watch sign it's a it's a it's a it's a it was more of an invention um prop so he thought that by you know maybe holding up two things and saying it's a this and of that i never did that that's what was funny we never i've never my style of prop comedy is kind of an interesting it's like an inventive if you go back and find right now no no i haven't there's always a twist to it it's not just me holding up a it's not a word play word like the width you know it's like yeah i've got my tubes tied and it's just tubes all together so morin's like trying to think what i would have like uh you know i don't know like a microphone for mick jagger that has a an oxygen thing in it so you know so it's it's something it's something that's more into it anyway it's just a different same way i get it when i did it it's jokey but when i yeah and when i did the family guy um they said uh they called they said you know we got the thing all ready and they sent me the script and i was like so the joke is it's a seesaw right so i'm like uh so it's prop is a saw with glasses on it right and that's kind of not what i do right and so i was like oh man this is uh i don't like this if we change it to something that i do and the guys that what's this um mcfarland says um dude no this is peep is [ __ ] great and i said i know but see saw it's really stupid and he says i wrote it i said no it's not that stupid then um i said no no i just want to do so can i kind of do one of my props she said well two two things wrong we already have the animation done right and secondly everyone loves it and if you want to do it you know we'll just get someone else to do the voice it's fine i said no no i want to do it i just if we can't [ __ ] it so i did it and i still to this day get people going dude see-saw so they were they were right
i just uh i just was like damn it i want it to be a little more whatever i get it yeah well also you've got to be a little defensive after all the years of people [ __ ] on you yeah yeah yeah true what is it like having a vegas residency because i've always thought about that like there's people that i think did it where maybe they probably shouldn't have done it and then there's people like you that it seemed you seem to be having a good time doing it and then you still do occasional shows and other spots yeah yeah i love it i mean i was telling you guys out front there a bit ago uh that uh in the beginning i was very reluctant because i was my road guy and so i would do you know the road and live on a tour bus and that and then they they offered the gig and i was like uh so i started doing like just a couple weeks which now they call residencies residency is when you know you live there it's resident right but now you have a weekend now they're doing a residency so uh so i said i'll do two weeks at a time and it was kind of rough i was i wasn't the vegas is a different beast i just wasn't ready for people sitting in you know like booths and eating you know like dinner show eating and kind of getting slouched and i was like i'm used to people like you know psyched for the show right yeah they're coming out to see george carlin would tell me how he says you know we couldn't get into oh so [ __ ] i'm gonna go see carl and kind of thing so as i've gotten more fans i think i'm getting more of my audience but back then there was just people that were you know going by buffet going and get a carat top ticket and whatever check it out how long have you been doing it now in vegas uh this is 16 at the luxor and then wow 10 at the mgm 20s 26 years and then at bally's once one year i mean sorry so 2017. so you've been in telluride i've been going back and forth and who's been the longest and i said well i do all the work you have [ __ ]
teller right so i i win by default well you know when teller doesn't do [ __ ] he just stands there penn and teller that's a very they're very unique people and so very very good you know penn is uh he's a super interesting guy and he you really wouldn't think that he would fit in in vegas like yeah he barely a giant fits he's but he seems like he belongs somewhere else yeah but so 26 [ __ ] years as a doing of residency that's a long ass time man it is a long time have you always done some road work while you're doing that yeah what's like we did the last two weeks ago we did a whole bunch of uh kansas city and detroit and chicago and minneapolis what is what do you like doing do you like doing like weekends uh i like both i like the vegas show it's you know it's kind of you're there every night you get to go home um but the road shows are you kind of feel like a rock you know i took my opener with me this time he's like yeah this is you know it's like you feel like you know you're right you're in show business you're right you know sometimes you forget oh yeah i'm show business there but you're on the road right and you got people up by the bus and there's things and there's energy and there's you know that kind of stuff yeah yeah the the vegas residency has got to be good for your health though because you're not [ __ ] yeah agreed i mean you just like yeah exactly so it is not there's a lot of ups and uh for it too and it seems to be easier to kind of throw in new jokes every night because you're not you're not you know i can come in and rehearse and just try it i've done work it didn't work yeah have you had like most comics they'll go places and work out like you'll go to like a small yeah yeah i don't know i haven't done that i haven't i've done that honestly and people always say you ever i said no i work out every night at the [ __ ] luxor so why would i fly to la and try [ __ ] out the emperor and i mean like right well how many times yeah i mean that's what was funny
looking back all these years how the hell i drugged all that [ __ ] everywhere how much [ __ ] do you have oh a lot i used to have it used to be a it used to be when we did the road trips was a whole semi a whole seminar yeah because we had ramps and rises into pyro and it was like it was a big show and people would say like and then the people that would come there to unload the truck to set up the show for that day let's say we're here in austin they'd be like all this [ __ ] for [ __ ] for one guy and i said it takes a lot of [ __ ] to make me funny i need all this [ __ ] trust me i need my props and my trunks and my lights and my snow machines yeah no i get it i did that way back the very first club i did that they were like livid with me because i had like uh and i had to do it all by myself back then i made my dad was a scientist so he made this like pedal foot pedal and i could hit first button did a strobe light and the second was a snow machine and the third one was uh was something and a sound effect or something and a club owner came up with a sec between two shows is what was there a [ __ ] snow machine in the middle of the show i was like yeah why i said didn't you see the show it meant it made sense i ate a peppermint patty and said what was lagging here under huh whatever the joke was but um and the club when it got mad and i was just like i've never seen someone in a leaf blower because i did it like a hurricane bit yeah it turned into a michael jackson bit and he would say i'd never seen someone bring a leaf blower in to do well now i said now you have yeah yeah and then he said i love that well that's good so like when you go on the road now do you bring a semi as well we've lo we've light it's still a big truck but it's not it's not a full on but yeah because we took a lot of this stuff it was just too much it was literally like setting up aerosmith and when you're in vegas at the luxor is everything set up for you so you can just kind of plug and play yeah yeah last night how many nights a week are you there six six nights wow yeah it's not bad though and i do
like six nights a week to take day off on sunday and then i do like on average three or four weeks and then i go to florida oh so you do like a few weeks on and do yeah you partially live in florida yeah i have a house in orlando so i kind of go back and forth what makes you go to orlando why'd you pick that there's just a house there that my key fits into so i go oh [Laughter] i'm gonna go here again but why florida that's why i was born and raised so i i found a house there and i just kept it my my uh uh most of my believe it or not most of my family lives now in vegas but my father lived in uh in florida he worked at nasa paper at the space center a lot of [ __ ] people moved to vegas this year i have quite a few friends that moved there that either you know they were either thinking about arizona texas nashville or vegas yeah those are the big nashville's another one and and even austin right growing like crazy yeah it's just bananas right now my niece goes here she's uh yeah i have like 10 of my friends moved here yeah it's but it's it's better you know i mean california is just too [ __ ] right now and so it was one of those things where yeah i i lived there for a bit near malibu and i and i you know i was not on once i got the vegas thing i just kind of got out of it well i loved it before the [ __ ] hit the fan yeah because the comedy store was there all my friends were there but when we realized that the government can stop you from working that you know and not just for two weeks but for [ __ ] years almost two years yeah it was so long before they allowed indoor shows again i was like these people are out of their [ __ ] minds like you got to let people make their own choices also this is a respiratory virus you're not stopping [ __ ] as you can see yeah yep it's very true um we were talking to uh the girl out there um about when we first got back we were very first show back in vegas and it was uh one of those things where
this was you know we want you back and i said who else is coming back and said nobody it's just you and i said what you were the first show back first one but i think it's because i was the only guy on stage so all the shows with all the dancers and things right even with you know other people so i was the only one panitela didn't want to do it and you know chris angel didn't want to do it no one wanted to go back and and i i was dying to go back i was you know a year of sitting in i mean it's nice sitting in my boat in florida but at the same time you're like i'm losing my sense of purpose like what the [ __ ] i gotta i gotta perform again you know yeah so yeah i went back and and then but the weird part we they put us in this 2200 seat theater um it was the old chris angel theater when he played there and it was only a hundred people allowed so you had 2200 theater and yeah 100 people and sep distanced yeah and a 40-foot moat what yeah 40 feet between you and them for the swear to god right i used to make a joke in fact gallagher would be horrible horrible in here and even hit anybody you know but um what do you feel literally oh no and then i know and then you know it was it was it was really weird i got to be on you know and he might my guys would be after them and say you know it really wasn't that bad considering in their masks so you can't it's muffled it's it's it was yeah but it wasn't i don't know it's better than just not doing a show yeah but there were nights you're like wow this is not kind of i don't want to do this i am yeah so and then it's slowly slowly bigger and bigger now we're back on our original theater but we did i did one show in july of 2020. i did one weekend at the houston improv they're still allowing people to do shows and this was obviously pre-vaccines pre-everything and you know still a little sketchy and i did the show and then we had a great time and i thought god damn it i'm going to go on the road again and then i got really high and then i thought
what if i get coveted and i give it to someone and they die yeah that's what i thought i saw what if and i said okay you know i can't do this and so it was just too weird back then there was no real treatment for it no one knew what was going on it was a little scary yeah people didn't have any idea what was happening it was like yeah so i took a long time off and then i came back when chappelle wanted to do a bunch of shows in austin and he said we're going to do them outside we're going to test everybody we'll create a covet bubble nobody goes outside the bubble and by then i was already testing people for every single show here right so i was like okay i feel safe doing that because i'm all i'm doing right now is going home and then going to work and when i go to work everyone's getting tested and so i felt pretty safe and confident and then i would go to the shows and we would test like you know hundreds and hundreds of people and they would all sit outside and they all had to wear a mask and then we had our little coveted bubble yeah and so we started doing that again that was like i guess we started doing it in november of 2012. i remember seeing on your instagram that you guys were going to yeah and i remember people asking me hey you want to do some drive-in theaters yeah what the [ __ ] so this is that's bert crusher's idea i know but but what's your thought on this so you're on stage well bert you're on stage and people are sitting in their cars so you can't hear them yeah but they honk and stuff we'll see it's probably oh really i said that you get so honk honk because i didn't get a prop killed honk yeah really kill a phone they laugh and you hear if you don't hear any horns you're like [ __ ] i'm bombing yeah you're bombing yeah there's no horns see i don't i'm i'm terrified of that it's not ideal but it's better than anything right then right sure and bert invented it so it was his idea and so for him it was like a chance to be on the road again i guess it would be work seems more for music yeah than comedy i can't you know i don't yeah it makes sense for but even music you want to see people dancing
around rocking out you don't see the car you know if the car comes yeah if it's a van you know dave uh and i we we did shows together back in that we're doing colleges uh oh in the naca days yeah naca days oh wow and uh this is a great every time i see dave he always says the same thing he says man that so i'll tell you what happened so we were we played so it was like kansas or iowa some were in midwest town and we did the show then afterwards you know we're young then he says let's go get a drink so we go get a drink and we and we have all these college kids and family we're like we're chill let's just go back to the hotels like a little laquinta which is spanish behind denny's by the way so laquinta and and just before we had cell phones i said hey let's exchange numbers and he says yeah man let's do that so he leans over the counter and grabs a pen out and writes his number down and this guy comes out and says did you just take money out of the cash register and we're like what he's like did you just steal money out of the cash register and we're like looked at each other i'm like no we just dave i just grabbed a pen to exchange the numbers man take it easy with i said we're the comedians uh you know playing in town he's like i'm calling the cops oh and i said to dave no dave said he's called the cops and i said is that camera work and he says what the one right there and he goes i said he says yep i said we're going to find out then i said make sure that you got the footage of that because uh we grabbed a pen we didn't grab cash out of the register and sure enough he's like you boys better get get on we're like we didn't we just wanted to exchange numbers weird right i thought we took money out of the register yeah well you know some people live in a world of [ __ ] you know and you just dipped your toes into their world yeah we're like we didn't take money
dude that's yeah we should have that's pretty sad we were you know we were broke comics we should have actually taken money out of the register yeah those college gigs were always weird man yeah there you traveled to strange universities that would have comics yeah come and yep yeah i used to do all that for for years i did a goodness like i'd do the morning like in a cafeteria uh-huh uh literally yeah i did those right standing on a cafeteria table yes literally and then it was one there was only one time in my entire career and i mean full-on career that i refused to go on and it was it it was the knack a gig and they had a thing in the in a breezeway right like literally like a box my trunk didn't even fit on the box it was just it wasn't even a stage right so like size of this table smaller than this so yeah it was like a crate and so i said um you know my my guy that helped me set up back then said he'd come you know get in the car he's like uh uh you're not gonna like this one you know i said well how bad is it in a [ __ ] breezeway and i was like what it's in a breezeway and i was like i don't think that makes what i mean breezeway he's like it's it's like a box like a milk carton a thing and there's a microphone thing and then yeah and this is when i used to have a my i even have you know i had to help a harness i made that would hold my big mic like this so i'm gonna stand there in the middle of a [ __ ] breezeway my kids are going to class no seriously i'm like i ain't doing it right so i said [ __ ] that no so i we got the way i got the van and drove to the next gig which is you know probably six hours away and it was in a big theater you know this is weird that you do one in the cafeteria and then an hour later you're in a big theater so my phone's blowing up i call them they call my office and they're like you you you you can't just cancel a show and i said you didn't yeah i can i'm not gonna do it right where are you gonna go i said
i'm already we're two hours out we're [ __ ] we're not going so turns out that college that gig and that breezeway that guy was the president of naca that booked me for that the president of naca well he's an [ __ ] he is an [ __ ] but i'm saying oh [ __ ] of all people that i did that's really about that guy shouldn't be the president if if he's the guy that's making those kind of decisions that's disrespectful to the performance agreed yeah but i remember thinking great now i'm gonna get black listed on the conventions did you no because i think i'd already had i think i was kind of done with the colleges now this is your early on i didn't get blacklisted no i went on and i kept getting books but i know a lot of comics that refused to do colleges now well now i wouldn't yeah they're just too renewed no i wouldn't i don't think i would do a college now and i know that's i lived on those for so many and it's not against person but the colleges it's just i think like you just said it's probably um i don't know the audience is that what are they i mean half my act you can't do like i go back and look at stuff that i did on the tonight show um regis and kathy lee i could i i still do in my show because [ __ ] it i just i just do what i do i don't i don't right i just you know they oh and i go there's worse [ __ ] coming take it easy but i would have like a you know a mouse trap to catch gay mice it was a little mousetrap with a mirror ball on it and it would spin it [ __ ] kill right and even gary shandling i do the slideshow gary shailing is is watching me and he came up he said now it's great the [ __ ] gay route mousetrap thing right and so you look at it now and you but that was on network television like 89 o'clock in the morning right and i could do that i had a plate for bulimics it was a toilet seat with a plate built into it you could eat and throw up it was all this [ __ ] but you think about it now then be like oh god you can't do that oh you're crazy well you can and that's how you can you just have to take some heat but the thing is about colleges it's like they they will
instantaneously become activists and try to shut you down you know yeah that's that's just something inside that's what i mean it's kind of like kind of and my show's so silly that's what yeah that's a silly [ __ ] trap is a funny thing why is that even negative it's no it's not you know what i mean though because someone's gonna say oh no you're you're picking on the no not picking on anybody you're not right of course you're not it's just the fact that you know if you joke around about a subject then it becomes hateful now like we've we've entered into this new area where even touching on a subject you have you become like hate and you're hate right right right just joking around about something yeah yeah it's it's it's unreal it's stupid well even like with dave you know dave um when all that yeah down you know this probably more than i know but they didn't show a lot of the people that are pro pro for him well he's showing the people that are against it here's the thing they didn't do with dave they didn't quote any of the material if you notice it they kept saying it's transphobic it's transphobic but it's one of the very rare times where someone's being accused of something but there's not a specific thing that they point to right where they say that this is egregious this is this is transphobic right it's not transphobic right it's essentially like it's a long love letter to a friend of his that killed herself i mean that's really what that part of it is and he's saying that a lot of it is because this woman who he was friends with got dragged online and attacked and dms and stuff by other people that were in the trans community that said that she shouldn't stand up for dave chappelle and she wound up killing herself this was yeah that's it's not a transphobic bit it's not it's it's like him trying to you know if if you're going to give it any criticism at all i think you could say that he talks about trans people a lot i mean it's been a major subject matter for him for the last couple of special yeah but i think it's because but i think that's because
look he's the most beloved comedian of our time he's one of the greatest comedians of all time if not the greatest and if you look at his career this is like really the first time he's ever been attacked right about things and so this is his response to it it's it you know it's unusual for him so i think he just wants to get his point across as clearly as possible and then he'll move on to other subject matters so he's he's devoted a lot of time to it but when they say it's transphobic they're they're not being accurate they're just looking at if he's covering the subject matter at all and he's doing it with humor all of a sudden you can label it transphobic yeah it's interesting it's not right it's not definitely not right and it's not fair and it's it's like you said it's weird being such a beloved guy for so long and then they they you find all these people that want to come out and not love him i think a lot of it is just brilliant it's a tension you know could you imagine george carlin had a you know how many specialties yeah he wanted one every [ __ ] week he'd have another hour special which was always amazing to me to talk about a guy that can write no he's yeah i mean he's great my god right so um imagine him right now like i would love to see a george carlin special now could wouldn't that be great i know but i'm saying because he didn't she wouldn't do [ __ ] he would open his shell with like the most disgusting thing and just lean into it oh boom and be people would want like 30 people in the second would walk out did you see the patent oswald thing that happened uh yesterday no i love pat and oswald i love patton too oh what happened he's like patton's a very kind very sensitive guy and patton apparently was in town with dave and uh dave texted him like hey do you want to come do a set at my show and patton went to dave's show dave was doing an arena and pat was doing another show in town so patton came to dave's show and they had a good time together and pat took a couple pictures with him and dave and put it up on instagram and then
apparently a bunch of people were saying you know how could you hang out with that transphobe that this and that blah blah blah and so the next post he makes this long apology he writes like a [ __ ] essay on how he feels about trans people and you know the real [ __ ] up i mean listen again i love patton i love him to death he's a really really sweet guy which is why he did this in the first place but one of the things that he said is he disagrees 100 disagree about transgender rights and representation with dave that's not true i think he said that to placate the mob but dave does not have any problem whatsoever with transgender rights and representation that's not right he's just saying that because they were attacking him saying that dave is transphobic he's not right he's not i mean i know him very well he's a [ __ ] fantastic person he's not that's not him he's just making jokes about stuff and it's like you can't read all those goddamn comments most of the comments are super super positive most of them but if you have a thousand people that are commenting on something you're to have 10 that are just angry negative shitty people and those are the ones basically thank you oh my god if you're a sensitive person those are the ones that are going to stand out and you're going to go oh my god what have i done so he started deleting posts and then apparently there was a bunch of [ __ ] posters and turfs and all kinds of other stuff turf's a great name it is you want some real whiskey what do you mean real whiskey what's that was that trace uh truck trace atkins buffalo trace atkins that's that's real [ __ ] it's america right there that's america before it was america right thank you you're definitely doing better than me yeah look at his look at mine hmm well there's nothing wrong with cracking a ford you stole it from a hotel bar stop lying from your hotel bar it's not my home where are you yeah we'll pay for that feel free yeah yeah hotel bars are very strange yeah it's like they just assume you're
drunk yeah like well they have there's some now on the road right where they have their weighted which is kind of funny oh right you pick it up yeah yeah once you move it yeah you can't even change your mind yeah yeah yeah yeah what is it yeah well it's crap i don't want you get charged for it already yeah yeah you know let me try your buffalo trace atkins hmm better right very nice better right it burns a little bit a little better right no a lot better but better you know i can't say it's yeah the crown's nice people too like no there's nothing wrong with crying no this is great i'm just joking this is great just i'm a i just love the crown gives me free booze so i got to be careful oh do they well yeah they used to now oh you have to deal with them yeah i [ __ ] it up for them i think we got a bottle of chronicle we do it we know i'm fine this is actually no this is good this is good didn't someone get just not allowed to say better because they give me crowns well also i usually go in the audience and give out shots of crown well we used to do before the coveted thing so i do i'd go out in the audience and polish off a box how scared are you about covet now like did you travel here did you get nervous no no but i mean i i've been with those guys from the very beginning and god forbid i do ever get it because i'm not i don't walk in fear i just do my thing and i'm i mean i'm in front of people every day well but i do get tested a lot i know you exercise a lot you used to be german i know i i know you used to be a giant i was 40 pounds bigger than i oh my god literally what what made you get so jacked i got the flu and then i just know what yeah um i just uh well i'll tell you what i did but it was when i got that permanent gig i had nothing to do all day in vegas literally i just started getting so i started just going to the gym every day like i'd go three hours a day literally three hours of lifting yeah well this is again 15 years ago right and i was i i just was huge and one day i went to my warehouse to do something it was a picture of on something
and i was like what the [ __ ] like i'm like i was like 1 90 i'm like 140. this is my this is my original fighting weight right now 140 is my it's my uh that's how you feel yeah this is where i grew up born and raised 135 140 my whole life and then i went to like 185 people like what did you have a lot of joint pain all the time yeah everything i was always injured i was always hurt yeah didn't look good on stage it was just it was weird it's like you know people like what the [ __ ] happened to karen tom they've always said that but that is a thing though when you get really jacked on stage it becomes a distraction it did yeah it did yeah gene simmons of all people came says uh does does being so muscular take away from the uh the uh that's the worst so i got gene really good one time said this is great so he comes back himself comes backstage and he said he says to me um what do you do to make money besides this and i said what the [ __ ] it done nothing he said you don't have any other things that gives you money i said i don't i don't know i do comedy six nights a week but you don't have another investment of some sort yes he's trying to offer you some prostitution well no yeah thank you very weird and uh gene listen i'm seeing somebody okay buddy um uh let me try on your platforms no so i uh but he says to me and this is great because i'm being i'm being like really serious with him right so i said uh well i said no but i i i did one thing a long time ago i i wrote a jingle um it was the jingle and i said it's by mennon and he says i'm not following you i say remember the commercial by menon and he goes that was you and i said yeah he says get the [ __ ] i said no i said my friend has a had a organ in my garage he left there and we were out [ __ ] around and this that that by men and thing had a campaign that said come up with a jingle so we did we came up with it just it wasn't even funny we just buy men and
and we sent it to the men in whatever that was it under whatever yep and uh he says wait a second so that you did that's you're making this up i said no he's how much did they pay for that i said i'm still i still get money for it i said it was amazing but it just kind of a fluke i said we tried to come up with other things and he's looking at me like that is just unremarkable and i said yes [Laughter] and then he said i said uh and see that's great and i said anything else i said well i came up with with now with retzen and he says what are you talking about i said with retson remember the search and he goes you're [ __ ] me i said yes he goes but the men and thing i said no it's all [ __ ] he lost [ __ ] he's like god damn it i sat there for 20 minutes i believing you came up with by men and rhett i said no i'd never but i got him good on his show because i did i did that when he had it at his house that that uh oh the reality show yeah yeah so family first met him i i go family jewels and i go and i i'm he says my impression uh you want to see my uh my warehouse and i said sure so it takes me to this huge wing of his house i mean literally it's probably the size of walmart it's full he says me i've got i've got everything asked i said well of course you have a kiss condom i mean he goes oh yeah yeah yeah we're good yeah cuz coffins we've kissed everything you know and i said uh i said uh he and we're live or they're filming me with him and i said uh good towards the end i said he said well thank you for dropping by and i said i said i don't wanna this is gonna come across completely [ __ ] wrong i said don't take this the wrong way and he says what i said you're going to take this the wrong way he says what i said i've never heard of this your band you must i said you must have done well but i've never heard of kiss and he says it's like a really weird because you've never heard a kiss i said no i
see i knew you'd take it the wrong way i said i just i i mean look at all this holy [ __ ] i've never heard kiss are you guys how long have you guys been a band and he looked at me like he's going to [ __ ] kill me and i said i said i know like hanson i know a handsomer this is when they were hitting it big you know i said i know hansen right and he goes you [ __ ] me i said no i never heard of kiss that's why i said i'm [ __ ] with you come on jesus and then i got him again and he was serious he like he really believed you oh yeah no he was like well some people someone had to have heard of kiss yes this [ __ ] accent the thing about like hollywood people is there are people who will pretend they don't know who you are even if they don't oh yeah right right right right you know i had that with nicole kidman you know she didn't know anything did she really yeah i actually put up my show it's a clip of her going who's carrot top yeah well she's from australia maybe she's but i met her three times with her husband so and he was he hey how you doing buddy hey karen and then i went to her and she was like do you think she did that on purpose i don't know but she did it like three times so i just put it there's a clip of her on the red carpet going ah yeah he's carrot top people do do that though it's like it's like a clout thing like they're they like you know al franken al franken okay so no now al franken i i did comic relief with him right it was like everybody was there rob williams whoopi goldberg so al franken are back in the wings there waiting to go on and he couldn't have been nicer he was like wow i love your i love your act i love you know and i was like that's cool so i go to gary shandling's funeral in l.a and again everybody was there i mean you talk about my god everyone in show business with that gary family's right so i see senator then right al franken i make my way over to him i said hey al it's been a while and you know while you're senator now [ __ ] i'm from comedian to senator or whatever i made and he goes he looked at me says i'm
sorry we know each other i said it's carrot top he's like sorry i said carrots hop and he goes i i'm sorry i don't know i said you don't know carrot top and he goes i don't know i don't i said you don't know who karen is it was the weirdest thing because like i'm standing there with like the best of i mean like well i think i was standing there with um what's from defending your life albert brooks right and and he just says that and i look over at albert brooks and i said he says he's just being a gun i said i think so or maybe he just doesn't remember meeting me maybe he says no you're in comedy he knows who you are he's just being and then i said well you know you [ __ ] with me one time and he said albert brooks [ __ ] yeah that's an honor well it is on the tonight show right yeah it is right now seriously the fact that he said carrot hop maybe so he was on the tonight show with um i think johnny and he said uh he had used to do this spinning when he did he believe it or not you used to do props oh really albert brooks did well back and he did a skit tonight with spinning plates and so he sits down and he starts saying you know you know i feel you know i'm i think i'm here he said if you know i feel bad for someone like kara top if american airlines lost his luggage he wouldn't have an act nobody laughs and i'm thinking well not only is that accurate but it's just a dig at me because it's like if the rolling stones luggage was lost they wouldn't put on a show right so it's like my it's my [ __ ] well there's a thing there i told him because i'm sorry i hurt your feelings just trying to be funny you know whatever is out there you take a swing at it but there's a thing that for whatever reason if you need something on stage like if you're a guitar comic there was always a thing about guitar comics like mitzi shore used to get mad at guitar comics so you go you're not gonna go on stage with the guitar tonight she would tell guys
and then they would go on stage with no guitar bomb no yes because like you know you could that's your confidence yeah that's your thing if they told me i couldn't bring my my my walker with a dildo on it i would not i would not go on but it's one of those things you'll see in march with you i will i'm coming to you that's like this is your act man your [ __ ] act is your you bring stuff like but this purest thing of comedy is is always bothered me i don't know why it's just like i don't care if you sing i don't care if you have i don't care well why does that affect you i don't understand that whole concept just in a broad sense of the idea of let's just say music yeah so if you're if you're in your car and you're listening to music and you if you if you hit the country station and you're listening then you you go oh country and then you have rock and then you have jazz and you have this you have hard rock get metal there's choices there so it's kind of fun like yeah yeah if something was on the road i would listen to country music for two hours like you know what now i want some metallica now yeah mix it up but so same with comedy why can't you have you can have a dennis miller and you can have a joe rogan you can have a carrot top and you can have gallagher you can have bill maher do politics and you can have right people need to like just let other people have different tastes yeah well they do anyhow exactly so people don't want to go to a character don't go right right you don't have to go you don't have to go like that that thing drives me crazy i do have to go but you have to six days a week but there's this thing it's like come on folks there's there's lots of stuff to be upset about yeah yeah like being upset about different tastes other than yours you know like look my kids love i love my kids but they love music that i [ __ ] hate they want to listen to like mumble rap in the car i'm like shut that [ __ ] off not all mumble rap is bad but i mean some of the stuff it's not even mumble wrap i should say it's like like whatever it is i'm an old man yeah that's okay i sold my kids i got right
oh you got rid of them yeah get rid of them how much did you get not much i should have liked it for a while it's a market thing it's like bitcoin you don't want to get out yeah yeah early yeah it's a long haul thing yeah yeah so in my elvis shirt i got to find you one of these yeah dude i have uh i have an obsession with elvis during that time period the drug days well it's the pill days and one of the reasons why i have this obsession is because it's a fame thing and uh you mean i'm sure you can relate to this fame is a [ __ ] strange drug in and of itself and i believe that elvis was the first guy to take a heroic dose of fame you know like hicks always used to talk about or terence mckenna and then hicks co used to quote it but heroic doses of mushrooms there's a heroic dose of fame like what michael jackson took he took the most heroic because you're right elvis might have been the first one i mean there were some other guys but but you're right yes where he really was beyond superstar it's not good for you there's a there's a great i wouldn't say well this documentary or it might have been a two-part thing on hbo i think it is or netflix you smoke weed carrot top i will with you okay um i have bad lungs but you know i'll smoke great this is when the the whole podcast goes to [ __ ] is good is it yeah i heard it's good i don't i don't have any sponsors that we might get upset if i [Laughter] crown and weed goes together great that's what i heard so um i've been high in [ __ ] 20 years ago well good i don't do drugs well let's just keep it right but i gotta remind you to tell my hick story and then also elvis so so um there's a documentary and it is a really touching sad scene that you just brought up to me in the in the documentary he goes on stage and this is right with his really big bloody days yeah those are my favorite tastes and there's uh well it's kind of saying he's sweating and he's overweight he's still telling him they're interviewing him and they say uh
do you um you look you don't look good or something no they really honestly say this like the reporter says you look like [ __ ] and he says uh i'm i'm sorry and they're like yeah you just you know what happened and he you see it and you see his face he's and he's literally takes a moment he says i'm sorry i don't live up to what you wanted me to look like i mean i'm doing my best and then he just kind of walks off like in tears really yeah let's find that yes it's it's i think it's a i think it's in the elvis uh i mean either it's a two hour two or two four two part part thing so bill hicks this is uh but before we get to bill hicks it's like no one was like that before him like there was no kind of star of that magnitude it didn't exist and literally and like michael jackson took there was always stars right there was always you know there was little richard and chubby checker and there was always like buddy hollywood not at that no no it's a different kind of style i'll say that to people that go wow get you recognize that i said i'm recognizing them in a lineup i'm not like a famous person i do yeah they they go uh like somebody last night said you're red right yeah you're red red i said yes red orange you know that's probably better yeah yeah it's sustainable i mean you make a good living you have a lot of people who love you exactly you're better off that way than getting definitely i mean and people say well come on how hard to be you know that would it be that famous [ __ ] who knows no one understands it there's no one that understands it other than the people that get there it's not possible yeah it's not possible to understand that you could take gas and you could say oh but he has so much money let me tell you something about money kids once you get past a certain amount it doesn't feel like anything different like i had an apartment once when i first moved to hollywood and i just got on television and i was on news
radio and i was on the sitcom and i got this nice place and it had a loft and i had a pool table and i was like look at this apartment i'd walk in the apartment i'd go [ __ ] this is my apartment this is crazy and i would look around and i'd go this is i can't believe i actually live here and then i got accustomed to it and then and then i realized one day i was like sitting on the floor and i was like oh this is how everything is like once you get used to it then it's just a house right like your house it's like all your house needs to do is be comfortable and safe and you need to have like a nice place to go to bed a nice place to fix your meals and whatever else you're into after you get past that it's just a house yeah and you know brian cowan said this to me once and it's like this one of the smartest things that anybody ever said to me he said all you want as far as money you want to have enough money so you can go to dinner and not worry about what things cost yeah and like that's a brilliant thing to say because he he's like simple in that regard like he that's what he you know i don't have any besides my conquering i don't have any no jewelry on um people always say me too like you look dressed like a homeless guy i'm like mom i'm like any day could be so you want not just be ready for it have the clothes by the way that's great weed it's not bad i only took one like you saw right one little hit like one little i wouldn't even think [Music] yeah all right only because this is uh it started out where another you know some people are ripping on me so you know the bill hicks bit which one's the one about you yeah that's what i said hey first so bill heck says they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see carrot top yeah which is a great area that's a great it is a great line um and here i am [ __ ] 20 people and they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see [ __ ] carrot top and so i'm thinking you know i'm just thinking oh another hater right so i'm you know i'm i'm playing in west palm beach at
the comedy corner which was the club but when i wanted to when i started was like i went there to audition and all of a sudden i'm headlining this club and colleen magar was dating bill hicks at the time yes and so he was sick that was when he had cancer yeah and so i all i said to her was um she said something about um i i didn't know he was even there i just knew she was dating him and i said it was like between shows and i said could you just um pass on to bill hicks that uh you know i hope i didn't he doesn't hate me and uh because she said you such a great show i said yeah if you tell bill pass if you call him later and tell him that i hope he didn't he doesn't hate me and i just you know i'm a huge fan and um the year i won best comedian of the year he was in the he was in the running so it was like i almost was like you know the fact that i won pissed everybody off because you got bill hicks what was the award don american condominium yeah don marrero bill hicks me and two others i forget now but remember this too and um and the the what's her name from the from atlanta the tall blonde she brings me up she says the winner is carrot topped and i go up and it's oh well i mean well she was kind of like you know whatever brett butler and so i i go up and and i i you know i accept it and it was just it was almost like i wish i wish i hadn't won because it was like yeah you know i wanted bill hicks to win yeah um so anyway i set up my show for the second show and colleen says uh come with me real quick i want to tell you something so she walks me in the hallway and who's staying in front of me bill hicks and it was like maybe a couple weeks before he had passed and he was really sick and i remember really thin and he had like it was just it was it
was just weird and distended belly yeah and just i mean green and it was just and it just but it's bill hicks and i was like and he says to me i don't [ __ ] hate you dude and i said oh god she must have gone and told him and he's staying at the house behind the condo where the club is and i said oh um why did i want you to come down here in the you know you're you shouldn't be getting out of bed to come say that he says no i wanted to come clear the [ __ ] you and i we're cool you do you do and you do [ __ ] do it man you kill it you hear me you keep doing what you do and he gave me a hug and he and then i went and i had probably the best show i've ever had because you know bill hicks gave me the blessing oh that's nice that's nice that's what the world needs man the world needs communication you know what a sweet that was so he didn't have to come down and say hi to me and he's a comic and he's like you know what i'm just being i was just being you know i was having making like you said i was just i was just making fun of you yeah i don't hate you i would just you know well you know what there's people that shhh they don't mean harm they just mean to get laughs and they're saying something that's funny and look i have good friends that do it to me all the time you know tim dillon mocks me [ __ ] almost every day i i don't think that the i think the problem is this this happens outside away from each other and you don't talk about it you're not together you know like this is the problem with society it's like it's it's there's a comparison that can be made to what what the problem we have in society like people are communicating with each other you know like on social media instead of communicating with each other they're communicating at or about each other sure how about when you text somebody and it goes through because we're comics and so it's like sarcasm doesn't fly into oh that's how great is that i'll say something like i thought you'd never leave and he's like dude what i'm like i'm kidding like it was a joke like i'm
just kidding with you you know i have a few groups of friends we say horrible things to each other all the time but we love each other right like but as long as they get it you send a text someone they don't get it then you're like yeah i was no it was a joke yes exactly but it's you know a lot is lost i mean you have to look at things you can have like the least charitable interpretation of something and it's always going to cause a problem but i think part of the problem is that people don't spend enough time one-on-one talking you know i mean even that that back in the day before social media that was always an issue if you heard someone said something about you you know like someone said to someone else and then someone else comes to you hey man [ __ ] bob was talking some [ __ ] about you and then you go to bob and bob's like that's not one of a man it's like i was [ __ ] upset because my girlfriend broke up with me or my car broke down or whatever you know it's like communication one-on-one is the only way that human beings are really supposed to be talking to each other and all that other stuff is just a mess and all this interpretation with and then what i do is talk [ __ ] on podcasts for hours and hours of time i forget what i'm saying and then someone will say something 10 years ago you said this like that's not really what i said like you got to listen to the whole thing right yeah you take it out of context yeah i don't hate you or i'm not mad at you come on man we're friends you said that about flora you said they should build a wall around yes so they should saw it off and sell it to the russians i love florida i love florida because it's freaking consistent to the russians my sister lives there yeah i love florida florida's a wild ass place it is fun and i love how florida responded to the pandemic a lot of people think it's irresponsible but i don't but it's not though and if you look at the numbers in florida they're the lowest well not anymore no not right now i mean an hour ago well here's the thing i saw a lot of these politicians that were [ __ ] on florida because of the
number of cases that florida had and what they didn't realize that new york city has tens of thousands more right right than florida right or new york so which is mostly new york city but it's not it's there's nothing wrong with florida but there is something wrong with wanting everyone to behave and think the way you do right and if florida what they did if you look at it in terms of like the economic cost if you look at in terms of loss of life and if you look at the terms of cases you can make a really good argument that they did the right thing as gene sim would say it was pretty good run there kid pretty good run what's the how you got a new impression oh yeah that's not even the one i did earlier i think gene simmons talks like this yes i wanted to tell you how gene talks there you go that is definitely more mom what is mine mine is this is terrible that's terrible he's like i didn't want to [ __ ] on you but he's trying to do a rainbow star impression today i was like what the hell i did a new year show once at the improv and gene simmons and his whole family came to see and i was [ __ ] legitimately starstruck i was like oh [ __ ] there's only been a couple of times in my life i was like yeah yeah get that one uh willie d from the ghetto boys full-on starstruck struck because i was a giant ghetto boys fan when i was a kid yeah um if i'm sure if i'll ever meet iced tea i'll be full on star struck ice cube i still need i think lives in vegas i've i've does he yeah he did because i would go to like vaughn's and they'd say hey you just missed iced tea and i'm like oh crap well i speak in liberty lives in vegas he's been on that dick wolf show for like a hundred years he's probably got a [ __ ] billion dollars in the bank like ice tea's been on law and order for i want to say 25 years yeah yeah at least you know and that's like syndication money yeah yeah because you know you know yeah and it's someone had a syndicate i need a syndication money those are those shows that air around the world too yeah you know yep that's a lot of money they make a lot of money i had queen came to the show that was
pretty wow really yeah that's the only full-on star strike where like like weird the full band not freddy it was after freddie yeah it was when did freddy die one of honestly died in 94 it was the 90s were you am i right i should know that i'm a huge queen fan yeah but um so uh 91 sorry 91. um you want to talk about a rare talent oh no there's no one like there's no there's no front man i don't think that that if you go back and watch those things holy [ __ ] well he was but forget the flat just he was so good and he would just work that crowd like i mean i think about that almost every night when i go on stage you got to give give it every every [ __ ] cent of your you leave exhausted but queen came and so it's like it was where they're like queen's uh roger tan was coming to the show first first time it was roger taylor and i said um roger taylor roger taylor i know is like the drummer from queen and he's [ __ ] not coming to my show and they said yeah he's coming to your show well it was funny they told me after so i didn't i wasn't i wasn't i didn't think i didn't know he was out there so after they said roger taylor wants to come back and say hi so anyway he comes back and he's like he was just hoping my roger and taylor impression is better gene simmons that was just that was unbelievable yeah so you know so nice he says something to me like you know take a picture of my crew and me and all that and i said you know um i'm actually gonna go to london with my girlfriend this is like years ago and uh he said oh you must stay at the house yeah and i'm like you know people do of course you're not gonna do that right so then also he's my number scott you know give me a call so i i literally were going to london so i just said hey listen we'll meet for a drink he said no
no i'm insist she must stay at the house so no one i could see the house we're going to get a hotel but we'd like to meet you for a drink at least so we go to stonehenge and my girlfriend is like on her deathbed i mean literally just like i don't know if she was just that sick or didn't want to look at rocks and she's like i'm with her i'm like you know what i don't feel so good either there's [ __ ] stonehenge that didn't make any sense to me so we said i gotta go we go to rogers now so i called him and i said hey you know we're out he's oh you're like 30 minutes when sorry yeah so uh maybe your office is looking like we're not going to your stupid friend's house i have to go back to go to sleep i'm dying and so i said we have to go it's roger [ __ ] taylor right so this whole thing she has no clue in her brain there's no clue who like doesn't get great isn't it funny that back then too if you were sick you would go visit people still right and no one would freak out we brought in all this illness it was just it's fine i had to just stay in the car just stay in the [ __ ] car i'm gonna go so we get there and you're right so they said we don't feel you're right that's really weird crazy so we get there and it's it's not only it's a cast it's a castle it's like downton abbey it's [ __ ] crazy right so my girlfriend's looking at me like who is it's [ __ ] queen it's like it's like stone's queen well she knew queen was but she didn't grasp its queen it's like we will you know you know but it's everything it's like they're billionaires and she doesn't understand this and this beautiful beautiful beautiful countryside house and like i said castle so anyway they give her tea here's where it gets good so she looks at me like we really have to go and we it was just unbelievable in his house and then roger says scott it's in my studio and i i just know i look you know look over to her she's gonna be like [ __ ] kill you right i say we gotta go to see the studio yes so they take us upstairs and we walk by all this you know queen records gold shield records the whole [ __ ] house just records of records
and i said oh wow killer's live that was my favorite album um go up in the studio every drum set it was just i'm not making this up it had like the and set up like that was uh from that album that was from live aid this was and i'm like losing my [ __ ] right and my girlfriend says wow you really like drums on my life god struck me dead if she was sitting right here she goes i don't know and i literally was like losing my [ __ ] right so i looked back roger was like i'm sorry what i said she likes your drums because he's deaf from playing drums like you said god since then i've told him by the way she said she likes you you must like drums but uh it was it was one and so anyway they meet us at the hotel bar that night and what does he bring for a guess might was there for my birthday what do you think he brings me to the bar drumsticks no that [ __ ] killer's queen gold album no how cool is he no way and i went oh no roger i can't i can't accept this and he says well this [ __ ] must i go no i can and i said you know like you know we only have 100 more of these right and he's like no i i'm not taking this one it was like presented to roger taylor so i i took it wow i had to take it i had to take it wow but yeah that was the that one may be the coolest and since then they've come like brian may and them have have come to and they've all come through and they they can't be nicer and sweeter and bigger fans like uh you know brian may's just like because being it's weird coming from like someone they're beyond you know [ __ ] magical rock stars yeah they think what we do is like you know like how the [ __ ] do you tell a joke like they don't get it so it's cool well it's for regular people it's like everything else though right that's i mean i can kind of imagine what it would be like playing drums in front of a large audience if i started playing drums and then started playing drums in a local band and started doing gigs and then eventually moved up same same it's like everything
like everything incrementally a lawyer being a rocket scientist being strapped in the shuttle yeah what the [ __ ] they hurt they rehearsed they practice things well that's why it's fascinating to watch people do something that you don't do at all that's one of the reasons why i love music i love watching musicians because i i don't know how i don't i can't play anything same same yeah so it's fascinating i like when i used to go to the launches and i'd see these astronauts and they take you into the you could because my dad worked there they take into the like the cockpit and [ __ ] yeah you sit in these and you're like there's 5 000 switches and right and you're like do they know they go yeah they know where every switch does i'm like yeah that's gonna don't not that one yeah but it's like everything in life right especially when you take it to the fur that's extreme it's like there's levels and levels to everything it's it's one of the things that's most fascinating about being a person is like you can pick a path yeah yeah yeah and get into whatever it is that you really love young kids you know pick something you want i hate people come and say i want to be famous like what does that mean you know you're famous you want to do something that you enjoy uh right yeah your passion your money will follow maybe true i don't know what it is but but but it's not forget that forget money figures no but i mean uh you might starve to death yes you might you might just really but but but but you wanna you might starve without doing something you enjoy well it's like because you want to go to a job that you hate going to every day what the [ __ ] why do it it's like telling the antelopes when you see the lion run right and you'll be okay well maybe maybe you'll be the one that they eat and then everybody else would be okay i mean that's the reality of life is it's not guaranteed and there's a lot of people that follow their dreams and they
still don't wind up broken i mean i've known that i'm sure you know that in comedy i mean how many guys do you know that you started out with that kind of had potential yeah a lot well there's a lot funnier guys than than me i got i got very lucky and the timing of when everything hit and like what i did you know mean like i couldn't imagine if i was starting now where i don't even know if there's any comedy shows on tv anymore i mean like like so well like remember it's like netflix is basically yeah that's it so i'm saying so if netflix isn't gonna do do it i used to be able to do comic strip live and uh uh evening at the improv and yeah the tonight show and conan and all those shows uh the late night shows that's where you got your view do they still have unknown comics on like the tonight show or i don't think that no i don't think any late night show puts on comics anymore i mean unless you're selling a book or doing something you know i used to do the tonight like every month i would call jay what's that's me that makes more sense so uh so i used to actually time in fact um one time we were doing it i remember i had to go back and do a show in vegas so i i i did the show i think it was like might even been like new year's eve and then he says i said i go back to vegas he goes oh i'm gonna go back to vegas tonight soon i said oh are you in southwest you guys yeah yeah southwestern i said uh um i i literally had my ticket i said uh he said no do not take gonna go with me in my jet and i said uh when he goes right after the show i have a show i haven't found one of those clothes together so me and my assistant and jay get on the the jet his jet and we're flying into vegas and i'm thinking this is one of those moments you just kind of like take he's he's dead asleep his mouth wide of it i'm thinking the whole time i'm so tech you want to throw peanut butter you know he's just like his head's this big right right just a big big head and you're just like i'm staring at him and he has like he has a thing like carrot top written on his in
his briefcase because i guess it was something about he had a folder a folder it's a carrot top on it but i guess it would just be due to i don't know to remind him that i'm on the jet with him or whatever i don't know just secured but i'm looking at my assistant and look i said this is a moment we just take in we're on a private jet with [ __ ] jay leno he's passed out and it's really bad weather we're just we're bouncing around like so bad right and i'm i'm it's getting really bad so i'm holding on to the the things like uh [ __ ] cause it really don't like this and we hit some really bad air pockets and he's just and he literally just yeah so he wakes up he looks over and i'm and i'm like i'm like oh god he's like yeah okay i said no i'm really not jay this is [ __ ] if i he goes they think you think though he says if we go down we die and then there the newspaper's gonna say jay leno dies with two unknowns i'm like well you know [ __ ] i was just on your show i'm known yeah you really said that yeah how rude and rude that's a little he was just being quiet and cocked me and kind of funny jay leno goes down how rude i said i think i said something like well i could have done letterman i would have been known but i did your show jay leno is so much better on his car show than anything else he's ever done yeah other than stand up i asked to be on because i've done the show with him sometimes i said could i be on the car show yeah i didn't like comments i said i don't have to like cars i can still be on your show and make it we'll just let me be on your show what kind of car do you have i said i just have one he's like one i said yeah i have a g wagon that's all i got he's like well that's not no i said no i'll be in one of the i'll come out of the trunk with my props it will make it funny we have to do a little bit because i know a little bit about a car i mean i know the the hood is there and it'll be fun and he's like yeah yeah i
really you know it's not that kind of show yeah it's the kind of show for someone who's obsessed with cars like i'm i'm a car freak so for me it's like okay so you probably yeah yeah i'm not a guy it's like if i had you on and i like cars if i had you on an mma show do you know anything about ufc yeah a lot well i know i know i know i know what's this right uh dana oh that guy if you see what i'm saying like if i had an mma show and i wanted to talk about possible matchups and i had you on right right you really wouldn't no i would say that guy he looks mean he looks kind of excited yeah hook him up well i went to a match this is funny in vegas and this is not a joke so i go to this this they put me right in the front of the chain [ __ ] right the cage cage so know where he would have been already horrible on your thing where the contest takes place with the thing with the cage right so yeah you know a lot about this right yeah i know enough so i'm i'm right there and this guy's getting i mean badly beaten just he couldn't get up and the guy's just and i'm right this close to like holding onto the fence and his face is like damn damn bam right and he literally is getting and he opens his eyes he goes carrot top really oh my god i go get out because i can't i can't just yeah it's just a great scene carrot top i said get up he's like i can't and i keep saying don't hurt my friend hey that's called a lack of focus he's really supposed to be paying attention on the task at hand well that's what that's what made me laugh because he just recognized that that's the guy who pursued his dream and maybe you know maybe maybe he's one of them antelopes maybe maybe he's one of them antelopes with a limp that's just part of it's great though for me i was like dude yeah fun for you i was on the other side of the fence yeah but then i kept saying the other
guy just leave him alone he's my friend he knows me i don't think he listened right yeah it doesn't work that way no so people that have never been to it live before are stunned the energy and also the fact it's so different when there's no commentary because you're kind of like watching it play out in your head and you hear what is he doing right who's winning you hear like stuff like that from people right though you'd have to have commentary well not not necessarily because like some fights you just see what's happening you know what's going on you just hear the pounding yeah i see people getting pissed off just that sound yeah you [ __ ] yeah yeah there's a lot of that it's like that with nascar too i had to do i got in with nascar with when i was doing some att commercial [ __ ] back in the day and so i you know they said you got to go to a talladega or whatever daytona thing so i said okay i grew up in florida but never been to a race and you go to that and you're like holy [ __ ] yeah not only well not just that but it's like so smart it's like you know people make fun of nascar's like they're dumb they're idiots not only do they all come in their private jets but the the calculations and the people in the numbered crunching and the [ __ ] happening during the whole race that's unbelievable they take a quarter pressure quarter thing and then leave pull that down and just and crank one it's like you just leave they're going [ __ ] these guys are brilliant yeah there's a lot of engineering involved engineering there's a lot of money involved whenever there's a lot of money those pictures yeah their brain but it's funny how people think of nascar as dumb these dumbs and then you look and you're like this is completely smart it is but the thing about that drives people nuts is that it's a circle you know that's true yeah you know just going around seems to be one of my jokes in my show i said danica patrick she had her blinker on the whole time or something stupid i think she had her blinker on the whole time but they should make half the goals go
the other way that would be fun yeah have half growth that way and have grown that way yeah yeah yeah that would be fun yeah it'd be fun jesus christ that would be wild you might have just created a new sport there you go that would be fun right half the cars start up that way and then they go and go and they they would have to make the cars much more protected but they just make them like a ramp and that way that they did hit things and they fly that was one of my first props i ever wrote dennis miller by the way can i tell you my dennis miller thing no okay please so i was i was performing it this is one of my that goes back to like weird [ __ ] so i was performing um i only had like 15 minutes maybe tops one trunk of stuff and um and that's how i actually funny enough i used to say god if i just build more [ __ ] i could i could do more time so if i have more [ __ ] i could head like so i had like one trunk it was like maybe you know 20 props five were good i just spread it out and try to get through so they called me literally like four in the afternoon i'm in charlotte and they said you want to open for dennis miller at wake forest university and i said when they said tonight i said tonight [ __ ] it's four in the afternoon i gotta how am i gonna get to wake so yeah you know three hours you can drive there and you can open so i said [ __ ] yeah right it's my first big so i take my little 90 or 89 80 something maybe somewhere in that right so i get there and uh it's a huge auditorium it's their homecoming it's [ __ ] right it's like 4 000 seat arena and i remember the braves were playing in this in the world series against um somebody so i mean he's a big uh a pittsburgh and the reason i know this is because dennis is a big pittsburgh pirate fan so i get there and i'm like just beyond nervous today i set my little trunk up and the packed crowd
and the guy sends me out he says do you know do 15 minutes i said i don't know if i'll have 15 i'll do what i can do um the crowd was so good right so i go out and i'm i'm just i'm doing like my wendy's all my [ __ ] [ __ ] that was you know and i like three jokes in and one was a car said they should make a car built like a ramp so if you have a collision just you just jump over right and i mean it kills and then i pick up my paper cups and string with the call waiting in it oh that was the closer so i waited for that so i look i look over here let's see it's my huge closer and uh i look over and i see oh [ __ ] there's dennis miller who's standing with the guy that booked me right and dennis miller's just standing there watching and he's i remember he's just being really short kind of guy and the guy was the guy was going like you know and i don't i've only done like three jokes oh dennis wants you to get off stage i guess so so i look over and then i look over again then i do it on the joke and then i look and the guy's like just like wrap it up right and i'm like i've only done not even five minutes so i do my closer my big big paper cups and string yeah here's one for the new call waiting and then conference calling and then what kills i'm not even done with it he walks out and he says he says leave your [ __ ] because i was going to get it out of the way for him right and i said oh okay and then he didn't say anything and then i went up into the rafters of the theater and watched him perform and uh afterwards anyway he left right and so then he he kicked he said something like he picked up the the car with the ramp and he looked at it and he went and threw it but like they tossed it right and the whole crowd was like like what the [ __ ] right because they they would love me i was just young and they were like they loved me i was doing so well
and they could tell that he just like made fun of me and like you know defaced my thing and it went he's like take it easy the [ __ ] they call me topper he's a topper he's funny right it shows over i go to mate say hi to him he already left da da da da da don't say hi i said okay so then for five years at least he would make fun of me on his show any show he did he would make fun of me like getting a bad right and then one day margaret cho is on like an election night thing they used to do with the with dennis miller and he says something about keratocon and she says why do you why do you have kirktop is a sweet guy why do you why do you hate him so much and he says i'll tell you why and he says he he opened for me and he's had the school wrong notre dame or something and he did you know 35 minutes he's supposed to do 10 he did 35 minutes and uh he doesn't know how to watch his time and he needs to learn that and do this right i'm like wait a minute so all these years go by i'm in a hotel in uh in l.a doors open i said dennis and he goes topper i said we have to clear something up he says what's that said not only is your story not holding no no my old you you went long and i said wait i said i couldn't have gone long because i only had five [ __ ] minutes so i didn't go long i said let's just clear the air i didn't go long i couldn't have gone long there was no possibility i could go long and i you know that that's the story and he's like yeah well whatever bolts off i'm like that went well and then i'm with david spade one night and i said david spade i said hey could you could you like uh help me clear the air with [ __ ] dennis miller you're gonna see what happened i said i tell the story he goes oh he went long i said i couldn't go like to this day i couldn't go i didn't go long so anyway finally he's like whatever just you know
what let it go dude i'm like again i want to be i want him to like me i want him to be my friend of course so then it was at the all-star basketball game in vegas and i i go in there everyone's like all the espn people are you know there and i sit down and who's sitting right behind me yeah so i look back and i go dennis yeah i said you i said um uh something about well i got one seat better than you or something about my hair blocking now you won't be able to see the game because of my stupid hair or something um probably really ruined your night he says you know you know what's really going to ruin my night and i said what he says my son wants to meet you and he was so mad my son loves you i said oh my god that must really burn you i really hate that because yeah he's your big he loves karen top i said see tell your dad that i'm okay that's hilarious yeah so we could now i think we become we become good friends i mean it was just again communication and misunderstanding he i didn't you know i wouldn't have done that to well people get real tense before they go on stage and if they feel like you're doing something that they don't like some comics get upset well he didn't hope he didn't have a car with a ramp no okay i don't think he did but it's like doing my joke i have a car with a ramp it's all one of those things that's like who booked that why would you take a guy who's got like these witty one-liners and put them with a guy who's a prop act it's like they don't necessarily again i don't know it actually would have dried pretty good because it was so different actually the crowd was going but that's not always good oh difference not always good well that's true i had a guy with a dog some dog thing happened before a dog thing it was a guy they sent a thing and i said oh that'd be kind of funny it's like dogs doing like whatever and that might be cute for my show and it was just horrendous so he had an act with dogs it was like a dog that yeah did this whatever the dog did the dog performed with him
yeah or something like that i forget that's been too long ago but they were the only funniest funniest pet one i've ever seen his name is bruce block he opened for amazing jonathan one night and this is brilliant [ __ ] i don't know why i didn't think of this so there's a little little carpet stage right just enough for like like your dog just listen up your little dog and there's a microphone just like this there's a stage a little microphone and they said please the lights ladies and gentlemen please welcome whatever the [ __ ] muffy so-and-so and the little the little [ __ ] rabbit this is great walks up on the thing and grabs the mic like this the dog the bunny oh and he grabbed it this is the one the bunny it was a bunny it's just not a dog no that was different this is amazing i wish i'd hired that [ __ ] weed i would have hired this guy it was it was so [ __ ] good though right so this little bunny rabbit comes up and he grabbed but he doesn't just he doesn't just like he grabs it like this and he says um what's up [ __ ] right so what the guy did he's got a little a little feeder in it right and he's trained of course to to hold like this but then when he when he'd feed it he would go to bed like that and he'd say hey [ __ ] and then it was like so the carrot it was 20 minutes dude yeah it was 20 minutes of this rabbit telling really funny dirty jokes and the way he would manner at mannerism with it with a mic though he's like he's like yeah yeah [ __ ] at least [ __ ] [ __ ] suckers over here absolutely yeah it was great it was very it was a brilliant that's brilliant it was brilliant i i remember the whole time like not i'm like crying i'm like why did i think of that god damn it that is a great idea and if you get that rabbit to really keep eating i think his name was if you get the rabbit to keep eating and you had some good solid jokes oh yeah he could do anything just it's a great idea no it's great and it would yeah he never really
i guess i think bruce is down there doing the voice like hey look at this lady over here i met uh dennis miller the first time i met dennis miller i was at one of those have you ever done one of those um television things where you do like a block of press and they have like it's been so long i forget what they call them but whenever you press yeah junket thing so there would be like a bunch of stars from a bunch of different nbc shows and what have you and so uh i'm peeing and dennis pulls up beside me and he goes hey joey you got yourself a head over there and i look over and i said uh yeah you know it's doing pretty good is yeah that fear factor doing pretty [ __ ] good pal congratulations i go oh okay it's just weird when you're talking to somebody for the very first time when you have your dick in your hand yeah yeah and then they're standing like a foot away from you like hi we have something in common we have something very similar i'm not making this up bill maher if he was sitting right here he'd remember this so i had never met bimar it's at the american comedy awards it might have been the night that i won so i go into the bathroom i saw i didn't know he's in there so um and first of all before i even do bill maher's ping next to me next to me was um casey kasem oh wow and next to casey kasem this is not a joke you can't make this [ __ ] up right was larry kings when i walk in when i walk into the bathroom i see it's not a joke uh and three icons no i see no he no he had his pants all the way down which one casey no uh bill no larry king that seems like and i went i walked in i remember thinking i saw no seriously but you think why would he get suspect but he had it just like who does that like like who does that when you pee you don't want to do that yeah [ __ ] it it's all began and so i that caught my eye i was like what the [ __ ] and then i see casey kasem he's really sure and then bill maher so i literally come into my like a horse into my stall and i look over and i see casey kasem
and i s and i look over at bill maher i always said was i said nice [ __ ] and he's like what the you know bill you know bill's he just loses his [ __ ] right he's he's laughing so hard and then casey casey is like what kind of what the [ __ ] is going on in this bathroom right it's a comedy words anyhow right so i go back to my table and bill maher's table's a couple over from mine he's got like 20 people literally at his table and he's he's telling his whole table and they're all looking over at me and he's like come here and i'm like [ __ ] so i go over and go hey and he says tell me i said you already told him what i did and he's like that was [ __ ] funny and very risky i said i was just i didn't know what to say to you i just i'm a big fan so i figured hey nice [ __ ] and it's really not just i just wanted to get on your show and he says you want to be in my show and i said yeah he says call me literally call me tomorrow and i'm if you were available uh this weekend uh like literally that week and i was on the show like three days later wow because i said he had a nice car that's nice just politically incorrect days yeah yeah yeah that was a fascinating situation you talk about like someone getting cancelled from a show that was like probably the best thing that could ever happen like him he was this was during the iraq war right and he was talking about like i think that his what he said was something i don't want to [ __ ] it up but like who's a coward the people who flew the planes in the building or the people who dropped bombs from a distance or something right something along those lines and people got very very very upset and then they wound up pulling the show yeah and then he went over to hbo and it became an infinitely better version of the show and a bit he's true he's one of the best people of our era of pushing back against the most extreme ridiculous leftist sort of censoring views and you know and he's kind of all over culture culture he's kind of all over the place with well he's very liberal but he's an
old school liberal as in i am it's like this there's a thing there's a difference between liberals that are just like they think of themselves as open-minded people that realize that not everybody starts off at the the same starting point so this idea of pull yourself up by your own boot strings is pretty ridiculous that's me that's what i think and that we all need some social uh programs we the world needs them i mean when i was a kid i was on welfare my parents were in welfare we had food stamps like i remember that very clearly and so like the idea that everybody should just figure it out on their own no man that's not that's if you if we're a community we're supposed to be helping each other and there's a certain amount of social programs that benefit society but he's also a guy i realize is that there's a certain amount of pushback against certain aspects of our society that become almost like cult-like and and they don't make sense and things get preposterous and ridiculous and they go too far with things and that's where bill stands it's like he's he's more of an old school like being a liberal from 20 years ago was very different than being a liberal of today or a leftist of today like people today are like leaning so far towards socialism and marxism that it's like they i don't know if they're doing it because they've thought it through if they're doing it because this is the ideology of the moment of the youth and they think they're going to reshape society and change things which is like every young group thinks they're going to do that every new group of people but bill in my opinion is one of the very best of our current crop of people that's got a voice that speaks out against that stuff he's he's brilliant actually he's he is yeah and his show is brilliant whoever's writing those things is because well i know one of the brothers scott there's someone yeah he's i've known him for years he's been with him day one yeah well there's a whole bunch of writers it's a very good show yeah his main guy is yeah it's um it's complicated you know i feel like that
show would even be better if it was like a long format show on the internet you know with no no sense i should drink drink my first beer i ever had i was my dad worked back in the space center uh went to a launch and i was like 12. we go to see a shuttle launch and uh 100 you know florida 100 degrees out and sitting there i say can we get like a hot dog and a coke or something my dad's like what do you want i said i don't know coke and a hot dog he says the line for a coke and hot dog was like 70 deep and the line for a beer was like two so my dad looks and he says you're drinking a [ __ ] beer and i said a beer i'm 12. because just don't tell your mom i said okay so i saw like three launches that day and i got home my mom was like how was the launch there was like three rockets he's like what's wrong with you i said no i had beer you gave me a beer yeah that's fine i mean that's funny because that's my dad's thought he's logic he's like i'm not waiting the [ __ ] line you're getting a beer when you saw the launch did you wonder if it was going to blow up well this is prior to the blowing up one the challenger one yeah but i but i was of course my dad knew everybody on that on that that one oh did he really yeah i was in college at the time and i was driving like a courier van and uh i remember you know the news came on and i was like what the he was on the talk radio i used to listen to if we had cell phones and i pulled over and found a pay phone and i called my dad and he was like just you know yeah at the space center and just losing his mind he's like yeah yeah it just happened i was at uh this girl i was dating we kind of stopped dating we kind of broken up and she moved to another part of the state and i went to visit her there and uh i think she had gone to school i think i had graduated from high school and she was still senior i think that's what i was
having so she had gone to school and i was staying at her house still and i watched tv and i didn't see the actual bomb the actual uh challenger blow up i saw a replay of it they were playing the replay on tv so i turned on tv and i was like holy [ __ ] i think i don't know if she was there or not it's hard to remember so long ago but i never forget like seeing it and trying to figure out what was happening what is what's going on with that imagine people there watching like yeah when there's a tragedy and you get to wa like you see a video of it like is this real like am i watching something that's real this really happen it was uh like now you see like [ __ ] jeff bezos is going flying around like what is he doing richard branson they're all going into space like hey guys guys guys my neighbors on one of those flights coming up with branson i think so many people are giving uh jeff bezos [ __ ] because he was uh at a party for new year's drive it was a disco party and they're [ __ ] all over the way he was dressed well i think he looks great okay a lot of you people are [ __ ] haters they're well here's the thing there's a video i'd like you to find this video before you show me what he looked like there's a video from uh jeff bezos he's driving a honda and he's being interviewed uh by this guy and he's worth at the time he was amazon was just taking off and he was worth approximately eight billion dollars and so the guy says to him yeah this is it play this 1999 playlist somewhere in the vicinity of nine or ten billion dollars today i only say that because i've got a follow-up question okay what's with the honda this is a perfectly good car okay now that's good this is 1999 okay so here we are 20 almost 22 years later look at him first of all he's [ __ ] just as i say he's ripped he's got a beautiful girl she's hot as [ __ ] she's hot as this is like he's packing he's jacked he's jacked and he's dressed for a disco party so he had a disco party in his
house well but so what's wrong with that there's nothing wrong with that but that is another thing of well it's just because he's now worth 180 million billion dollars he's worth like i think it's between him and elon they go back and forth who's the richest person in the world right look at him he's jacked jack look at him that's that same dorky guy in the honda and now he probably oh wow you're right that wow yeah he's carrot top in the [ __ ] late 80s or whatever it was what year was it when he got really jacked oh it was more than that it was like in the 2000s yeah but yeah it will last for a small small bit and i guess that's what he's he's riding that testosterone replacement therapy ride and uh he's in full effect look but why why who cares but why is if he was a rapper and he was doing that everybody would be like [ __ ] yeah look at pitbull you're right you know but why does anyone care about anyone else's personal choices of things too i've never understood no matter what it is doing steroids or doing this or doing that or doing that what does it what's the point two for two things one because it's fun to make fun of people so you look at him right there it's fun to say oh [ __ ] good life crisis but let's be honest he's killing it yeah the guy's killing nothing wrong with it looks great yeah for like you go back to that guy in the honda yeah yeah this is a perfectly good car that's a great car like you know a nerd yeah yeah go back to that guy in a 1999 honda and then you know who know what does jeff bezos drive today i mean he's probably the same honda got some [ __ ] exotic handmade [ __ ] yeah probably they fly in from like justin bieber out of chrome balling out of control completely out of control yeah good for him but why not but the point is it's like you know like jeff jeff bezos is successful yeah why shouldn't he be jacked with a super hot girlfriend
dressing like a pimp right i don't know dirty really nasty uh bugatti if let me see the [ __ ] bugatti let's see the goddamn bugatti i like it i like it jeff i like the new you this is how i feel jesus yeah look at that that's like a five million dollars how much how much others i i was trying to find a picture of him in that so i could oh for sure i think they're worth like five million bucks there are preposterous cars that's jeff bezos's bugatti woo look at that tonight show with jay i remember when he oh he had all those cars and uh one day i i went out you know that parking spot he had right there in the front yeah he said uh it was a bike but it had a jet engine on it oh yeah i thought it was a joke yeah so i look i'm standing there looking at him like what the [ __ ] and jay comes out man i said is that is that it's like a jet bike and you go yeah yeah step by i said well how fast does this go he goes no that's a fancy one this is a jet i said well how fast have you had it he's like yeah like 189 i'm like 180 you know of course from la to vegas probably that's a stretch of but i'm like when else can you go like on a jet why do you need a jet bike to go like through la like how would you just for [ __ ] you have so much money i'm just i'm gonna get a jet bike well he's just fast oh no he's great and then i asked him to bring in which made you think is the story of the cars i asked him his assistant helga i said could you could could could jay bring in the ford gt because i saw that he had it on something and she said yeah so pull up nice enough he drove it in just for me to look at it and he says to me do you want what you want to see i said yeah i love this car and he goes uh you know i have a i have a mclaren you know i kind of brought that i said i don't want the mclaren i want i want the ford gt and he's like
the mclaren is the way better like he just he was shocked that's the one i wanted to see i have way better cars and i've seen the fire truck can you imagine jaylon is driving down the [ __ ] 405 with this which he does is it was it the older ford gt yeah it was the ford gt uh yeah like 2000 with the stripes yeah probably yeah with the with this double blue striper yeah white with double blue stripes what is that lamborghini i love it i still like to fully jacked man with the smoking hot girlfriend yeah the cheapest car he has apparently that's the cheapest car that's the cheapest car it's only wait was it does look like it's going backwards yeah it does it's weird looking it's cool it is cool i love it i've never even seen that before where's the windshield i would actually drive it backwards just to [ __ ] with people i'd go i'd be strange it seems like it doesn't have a windshield that doesn't have a windshield do you have to wear goggles what if you get hit in the face with a squirrel like what if like a [ __ ] yeah that doesn't have a windshield that has no windshield like oh my god hey i'm in the car with him wait a minute jeff bezos but why would you buy a car with no windshield that's just silly well he has no he's no hair he's fine you know yeah it's their face if you fly into a flock of birds you're a dead man no like just a bug i like this he's too rich he didn't need him he didn't need a [ __ ] windshield but if you're going 180 miles an hour and you hit a bug is that what it is what really maybe no that's i think the top one's a concept i don't think it's real i think the bottom line is that's what it is yeah they're showing they just took the picture of the concept car they do stuff like that with cons like i have muscle cars and uh sometimes when they build them they don't put side mirrors on them and they want to keep no side mirrors on it and i'm like hey guys i need something i drive these things yeah but these guys who make custom cars they don't want to
be they don't side mirrors they want to keep it sleek yeah like look up uh joe rogan's 1969 nova my friend steve strope is building me a 1969 nova like when i was in high school man i was obsessed with cars and i was obsessed with muscle cars and at the time that's oh look at that that's what it looked like in the rough but there's newer images of it where it's like finished where you can see the shine that's the just the bare metal but keep it was released recently keep scrolling like this right there right there where you're clicking on right there right there so that is what it looks like now wow so that's like but see look no side mirrors and that's my buddy right right the cursor is over my buddy steve strobe who's a masterful car design right there no side mirrors but you're right there because they would it would keep it more that's a beautiful car it's beautiful i love that that's a beautiful thing oh my god i love those 1960s those kind of cars are cool i was trying to find a ford or a chevy truck oh dude i could find you one like yeah i know people with the big round back mirror or window in it uh-huh dude whatever burnt orange yeah yeah yeah dude you know what you should get you should get an icon thrift master do you know what that is well you need to check this out find it my friend jonathan ward jonathan ward is uh he runs icons oh this is that's what i'm saying yeah look at that that's exactly that's so weird yeah is that what someone's exactly what i'm talking about i even did the same damn color okay that's a 48 that's not jonathan's that's a 1948 chevy that's a gorgeous gorgeous car though that's oh that's for sale that's at vanguard motor sales there's a site called vanguardmotorsales.com i think it's vanguardmotors.com but they specialize in a lot of these really cool go to vanguardmotors.com but go to just go there they probably have a car like this for sale there because that um that came from vanguard i go i visit their their uh website all the time just to see what kind of [ __ ] they have and if you like scroll into their inventory just click current inventory yeah the older yeah you go really old they have like a 1941
willys but if you scroll down scroll down a little they have those pickup trucks 55 ford look at that black one oh and that's a resto mod too so it's got a modern coyote engine so it's got a modern ford engine which is what i love i love when they take an old car but they put new [ __ ] in here oh they have a few they have four different resto mods that are from the 50s look at that f-100 pickup truck the green one yeah holy [ __ ] that's badass god damn and look at the red one in the middle that's another beautiful supercharged 350. but yeah like these are this is my style oh no i agree with you if you're going to do a car that the muscle cars are oh my goodness look at the ford look at that ford bronco oh my god it's beautiful well this is okay oj's right underneath the oh gender no it's interesting he lives in vegas i see o.j all the time really yeah what is that like hey scroll up a little bit scroll up a little bit i'll take my og scroll up go left that green rest click on that oh wow that's a great thing look at that let me look at that [ __ ] card get me my [ __ ] god damn that's beautiful oh my god that's gorgeous that is a [ __ ] gorgeous car 1967. that's beautiful the green on this oh my god that's so beautiful i love where is that where is this where is this one out of this place i don't know where they are i want to say they're in they might be in detroit yeah i'm not sure beautiful michigan yeah michigan they're in michigan but like look at that we were just in [ __ ] car man that's what i like i like these when they take an old car but they put all new underpinnings and everything yeah that would do that that's why they called that not even restoring they was brand new yeah it's they call them resto that's what my 69 nova is it's like that's beautiful it's a 69 nova on the outside but steve took the fenders of a 1969 camaro because they're wider and he fused those to the body of the 69 yes that's what i like but anyway go to icon uh thrift master so the reason why i'm saying icon is is because what jonathan ward does he takes it like many many many levels past where
a normal person would take it and he does these incredible cars where it's like incredible engineering he works on these things for [ __ ] years before any car ever gets made and he's designed these thrift masters and they're [ __ ] drop dead gorgeous like you see them that's beautiful i've seen a bunch of them look at that that's a one that's kind of cool but he's got ones that are like matte black look at that silver one i mean and but these things drive fantastic i mean they're they're really cool old go to that black one on the far ooh look at that one look at that matte black one i mean come on son that still looks like sylvester stallone would drive that in a [ __ ] action movie yeah they're gorgeous cars and they're meticulously done and jonathan is just a stickler for design and detail and he just loves things like that oh beautiful yeah there's something about those old cars i want an old truck you can get one so i can put my little prop trunk in the back and head to the improvement would you yeah do a guess pull up in that do you have a a guest bet a guest no it's not funny yeah funny you say that i used to make a joke years ago i'd have a little like a little miniature trunk that would have like 10 small props so if i wanted to do a guest set i could just pop in and just walk in with it do you ever do that no i should because it would be funny i think well vegas has a real comedy scene now i would i would probably go to like el do on the right do like go get the impromptu bud freeman tell me to get my [ __ ] out of the hallway the moniker oh he's sitting there yeah do you um have you gone to any of those local vegas clubs because vegas is a lot of fun it's a good friend of mine he's got a brand new club it's gorgeous i mean like they've spent a [ __ ] ton of money is it a new one or the one that's in the emergency brand new in the mgm just opened last week no [ __ ] yeah well the other one that existed dom herrera loves that place the last one yeah oh the last one the last one he had yeah it was a great no it was a great
club but now brad has been a whole new a new uh mgm is it in the same it's in the same location no it's in the it's in the better location it's in the where the so where the shops are used to be buried down yeah now it's up in the top that was kind of what's cool about it you had to go downstairs yeah i agreed but i i've been to the noon but i hear it brad of course sweetheart he's a great guy he came to my show on my anniversary last a couple weeks ago and it was it was great i middled for brad garrett in like the [ __ ] early 90s our middle for brad garrett like 91 or 92 before everybody loves raymond yeah way back in the day he's a giant dude oh no he's great i've i had to rip at the same thing i went into the audience and i didn't want ice he wanted to be announced or not but i said [ __ ] you can't not announce him he's six seven or whatever the [ __ ] he's sitting in the thing a little seat so i said bro yeah yeah yeah uh nah at least i could i should i can do a gilbane what is these people all right that's pretty good that's not that's not bad brad yeah um uh yeah so brad sitting on it so i said i said brad as a brad garrett and everybody's going crazy everybody loves [ __ ] well never loves raymond they really don't love brad but everyone still loves you he's he couldn't have been like nicer and he hung around like three hours after the show in our little a little part after party everybody does love ray romano yeah i do i love ray romano but everybody loves brad too oh no brad's very well beloved absolutely so the new place is in the mgm but which is it where like all the shops are yeah yeah yeah right nice yeah and what is that like 300 seater like the other one i have not been to oh this is the new one that looks great what's on their site that's great that was perfect classic comedy club shape now let me ask you this are you allowed
to work anywhere you want like can you go to another place and do a guest spot or do you have any steel okay you know they have that stupid yeah whatever like what's it called tmz what's it called whatever that stands for that milestone tmz stands for something miles zone you say so you can't you can't perform you probably know this 10 mile zone 10 mile zone or something right so like if i just wanted to walk go over to brad's and do a little thing which probably would be the best thing for me to do so like you could do a show in reno yeah yeah yeah yeah there's just like i couldn't do one like uh yeah somewhere else in vegas probably i've never worked reno have you ever worked with oh yeah yeah yeah right is actually really fun uh relax oh yeah just blue collar fun rowdy drunk crowds yeah we have really good shows in reno in fact one time we were talking about shooting up like a special or something i thought reno would be a good spot because it's not a bad spot really it's so different than vegas because vegas is so uptight and reno's like a little more loose i was just watching a video see if you can find this online from 19 i want to say it was like the early 1900s jack johnson defended his heavyweight title i think it was against jim jeffries and it was in reno 19 and i was watching 1890 no 1900s early early 1900s yeah that's when we started comedy a little bit later we started a little bit later but it was like in 1900 it was wild because they they built an arena an outdoor arena in reno for this fight it was 110 degrees outside and they had a 45 round fight oh jesus yeah dude it's wild but here's this wild look at all these guys with hats yeah everybody wore hats everybody did everyone yeah first of all it's all men if you look around you don't see any women it's all men with hats how weird is this this is 1910 in reno nevada and everyone had a [ __ ] hat and they came in from miles around to watch jack johnson fight jim jeffries jim jeffries he went into training camp
for six months for this fight because he had taken many years off of fighting and he had ballooned up to over 300 pounds and he lost a hundred pounds to get down fighting away no that's john l sullivan son of a [ __ ] how dare you um and so uh he lost a hundred pounds to get down to weight and it took him six months to do so yeah that's him right there so that's him fit and in shape so he used to be the heavyweight champ and he was a real stud back in the day but you know by this time he was like 37 years old is he still fighting no he's he's doing commentary now he uh he had taken six whole years off of uh fighting and lost a ton of weight and uh did he got in shape no no jack johnson [ __ ] him up jack johnson was the man so my question is since you brought that up look at that it's a sea of hats so my question is see what makes me what's what comes to my brain is when and why do we don't work what did that happen anymore why don't we wear hats anymore that's a good question because back then if you had a hat business you're like bro dude i'm [ __ ] killing i'm saying but it's just always good now you're like what's with the hats like when when did we just go no hats those hats are the blockbusters yeah those are the videos yeah it's like they just went away yeah it's so bizarre like they probably back then couldn't imagine a world where men didn't wear hats yeah they all wore jackets and coats and hats and they were saying in the video when i was watching it that um front row tickets were going for over a hundred dollars a hundred dollars a ticket back then like what is okay just google that what was a hundred dollars in 1910 and 2022 money i'm gonna say let's take a guess i'm going to say three thousand dollars something like that maybe three thousand dollars that's for a hundred dollar equivalent yeah i want to say it's three thousand bucks what is it jamie pretty i was gonna say 29.25 was gonna say 29.95 and i wouldn't shut up only three you look smarter but i mean 3 000 bucks by the way that was that was a good it was a very phenomenal guess
yeah well they estimated something at the time the video was made they said it was like a thousand dollars by the time the video was made where was uh i think it was uh jim jacobs was doing the commentary for the video and uh i think that was in the 80s that he was doing that so i just put it forward right and so it's probably three that's about that's pretty good guess [ __ ] inflation that's the problem yeah nothing's worth anything anymore i don't know it's crazy i was reading that they print the the amount of money that they print every day because of like covid and the the economies crashing and all that [ __ ] it's um some staggering amount every second like hundreds of thousands of dollars oh there we print every hundred dollar bills are printed every second not crazy they're just throwing money i know do you understand the economy or do you just know how much you get paid nice here it is a little bit i don't know it uh okay how much i get paid i do i do you know how much money is printed each day the bureau of engraving and printing produces 38 million notes a day with a face value of approximately 541 million all right so my question to you is how long has this been going on i don't know well you know i mean so it's not like we've always been over printing money i'm assuming right we just all of a sudden just now like we're going to start doing this [ __ ] isn't it funny how important that is and how little most of us know about how it all works yeah i just kill you my paycheck yeah i pay my bills yeah you know like you negotiate a certain amount you get the check and you can pay your rent and all that jazz yeah i really don't go holy [ __ ] that yeah but if you did sit around and think about it i've had people explain it to me explain like finances to me and explain the economy to me and it's mind-boggling that's why i'm complicated i don't know that stuff i never seriously yeah i can have someone sit right now and explain the con there was a couple guys in your pockets we're explaining that they're not funny though no do you talk to guys who explain the economy yeah you're like they're a hoot
you should hang out with them they're they're fun they're about as funny as coroners yeah and they they're both equally solemn because they're just like oh this is over what we do here yeah that's my gene zimmerman's doing it this is gene simmons that's a good you don't even know how to do gene simmons character how to do jeans you're right i don't know now that you're doing it right yeah i i can't do it well i'm sucking in per i can't do impressions i can't do very many impressions but i did do a few like clinton i can do you know i mean everybody could do it that's easy huge so i can do that just that word huge there's a guy who does trump and if you close your eyes you're like [ __ ] crazy amazing yeah trump's a good one because he's got so many yeah so many oh yeah so yeah so many so i do a bit in the show amazing i do a bit in the show where i go one thing i liked about when he would do speeches and stuff he would always announce people in the audience that were out there yeah it's always an interesting reaction when people like it i said you remember him going like sally was sally sally great lady where's sally at yeah but yeah but it's interesting how crowds some nights they laugh sometimes they just go they do that they're kind of like are we allowed to laugh at this like right now is what to do anymore yeah you can laugh okay do you pay attention to politics at all or just for jokes uh mostly just joke imagine i mean i try to stay in in in tune in a sense i mean i watch news and i try to see just stay on top of it yeah but mostly for for material i try not to get too crazy into it because you know it's not good for your head well yeah no one really you know when you come to my show they're not expecting me they want to see a walker with a dildo on it right you got to see them they care but they just don't care it that much right right right yeah they're they're like i want to hear you talk about uh yeah yeah it's it's a fine line like people who just do political commentary or political comedy rather it's like well yeah like you guys see a yeah i
mean even like well although bill murray going back to bill i saw the special he did it god damn that was an hour of it was pretty [ __ ] funny yeah it was pretty funny i mean it was a lot of politics talk it was all politics yeah but it was it was well done and and what's his name too that uh black louis black yeah [ __ ] great yeah he does he starts going on that about the the uh the scientist thing when he goes people you know we paid these millions of dollars for people to do one thing then research and development or whatever and i hope i'm doing it better lewis black and he says and they get the thing and they get the information and they get it again they gather up and they better give it to us and then we get it and we go yeah i'm not buying it it's their only job is that this is what they do is they get their information and they give it to louis black's brilliant i saw him way before literally and at the comedy club in vegas before he blew up and i i'm sitting in the back of the room losing my mind i'm like this guy's brilliant yeah and there was like 20 people in there and then he got he started doing his specials and doing the thing on comedy central jon stewart with the black and black and black with him and i remember thinking i was that night don why is this guy not why is he not right yeah [ __ ] brilliant well he is now it's one of those things yeah no no he's he's there's so many comics like that you just like you know yeah there there's just which is great again about styles it's fun to watch different styles like jack jack black or jack black um lewis black or you know do you ever go to a show do you ever like go and sit down and watch a comedy oh yeah yeah yeah i used to more than now when i lived in la i was i'd always go back and sit in the back of the room and watch uh well when you're doing your show six nights a week yeah yeah time for anything like this is
that's just it what time does your show start it starts at eight oh okay so yeah you're right in the middle of every five and then yeah thank you tight five and then tennis miller keeps you going long yeah it's hard it's hard to do it that's a hard thing and people always say if it shows i said no i i yeah and i when i get one night off you know it's like one it's a sunday is there is going to be a you know a show that i can go to so yeah do you experience vegas nightlife do you like people that live in vegas never go to this trip right i don't i don't normally unless you want to uh you're silly i don't normally unless you uh want to go to um this show you know it causes me to drink and smoke more than this show yeah are you getting this [ __ ] no nothing crazy yeah um but like my friends that live in vegas they they never go to the strip unless they want to go to a restaurant or something right yeah i mean it's tough though but i mean if if there's something like uh last comic i think i saw chris rock and i you know i i went to the whole nine yards and you know wait in line turned in my cell phone been a baggie and all that and and uh but where was that uh it was that the uh good good question and yeah i've known christopher you funny funny [ __ ] guy that guy is right one of the greats i always used to give him grief because again i've been lucky with certain comics that you think would not like me that actually do like me so chris was always a big fan and i seen what's great about you you tell every joke twice so really an hour special is a half hour because he always says these people are right people are crazy and he'd say people are [ __ ] great he would he would say the same line so i said really you only have a half hour if you take them i knew they always like yeah that's you know yeah thanksgiving thanks god but uh no it was a great show and i remember i remember watching it uh just thinking he's a he's a true pro like [ __ ] the writing and the delivery and just
everything just like from the from the beginning to the end it's like [ __ ] great yeah he's uh he takes a very different professional approach you know he has guys he works with where yeah he pays them to watch his set and then they go over the material afterwards yeah i need to talk about it i should do that brilliantly i should do that it's a smart idea because like he has access to all these brilliant comedian minds and then you know they'll say when you're doing that here's what i've thought right and they'll like take into consideration so you have it's like you're putting together a show sure like if you were putting together like a sitcom you would have a bunch of writers sit around and spit ball and so he'll do his stuff and then he'll have like a couple of guys will come he used to do that when he was preparing for like the oscars right come to the comedy store and he would bring a couple guys to watch him and then they would go over the material afterwards and try to tighten it up and it's good to have different ideas no it is great that's probably why it's so it works so well it's also because he's putting that much more time into it like sometimes it's just a matter of like how much more time are you putting into the material because so many comics are like they get their act and then they just they just [ __ ] off for the whole day and then they look at their notes briefly before they go on stage and then they go up like but he's if you're working on it like that or you have like a group of guys and you're saying hey that bit about the pot and the kettle and all that jazz and write that and what about the bit about the parking ramp and and the you know you just roll over the material and just that much more focus that much more time he's a guy who took i think chris took like 10 years off of stand up i think he took a long time he did take a break he was doing a lot of movie it was still working yeah movies and stuff but he took a long ass time from stand up yeah he yeah i think that's probably just shows you how great he is because he could take that much time off and come right back and be just as sharp here yeah i mean i'm sure it took him i feel
like that was a week and i'm not making this up like like a week off mm-hmm whatever but like if i get i haven't ever one time i ever had two weeks off when we went to london it was it's always a week but i come back from a week i'm like oh [ __ ] like i i kind of get a little right but it comes right back but usually like it's always the second show i [ __ ] up i come back and i nail the first one in the second night i'm like cocky but you think you think you already did the one they should be fine the first one you're nervous so you're right right then you settle in and you're like oh yeah and then you [ __ ] it up but yeah the second one you get you get a little but i like writing i like i like i like i like because people say you know when do you put in a new joke i think any second you think of it you do it right i don't i don't sit down and i'm not a sit down right guy like what do you do you just like come up with an idea during the day yeah and yeah jot it down at night right but like like you know friends of ours like tom green uh he i will call him he's i'm gonna what are you doing or even his instagram he's like i'm gonna sit down and i'm gonna write some jokes for a couple hours and i'm like wow in my 30 some i've never sat down with a pad of paper and a thing and said let's write some jokes and just never i'm just be on a plane and go ah you gotta actively keep your mask up while you're eating a dress something i would right then i'll i'll ju and then that night i'll boom i'll do it and then if it works it works doesn't work it doesn't work you know do you refine stuff or do you feel like oh absolutely yeah but but it's always raw and then it turns into like a whole then you maybe in my crew because i work but my crew say wow that that bit's really coming together nicely but it takes a few times to work it out like i still don't sit down and write it out like larry miller i used to write commas yeah oh that's fine oh yeah dashes and commas yeah um i was in a chairman of the boys and move with him and him um
he gave me some great advice it's funny where he's such a funny guy and i've been filming him a couple days he was the main guy in the movies like the bad guy that's taking over the company and i'm doing the scene with him and i'm used to working theaters you know so i'm i'm doing everything big like you know like but when you're in a movie it's you know this not this right so i don't know this i've never been in a [ __ ] movie i think i'm nailing it so we go the dailies in the trailer and they start watching the dailies and and and there's one scene where larry miller literally just goes like that just his eyebrows went up anyway hmm and everybody [ __ ] lost her [ __ ] right i sit and look back and i said i did all no one not no one not only laughed or did any reactions in my scenes but that one [ __ ] scene so i said what why was that and he said i'm gonna give you some advice he says you're used to working in theaters and back then i was doing all these big things and he said you're in a movie it's got to be so small work small and it was weird that day after i did that i started doing little things as opposed to big things and it was amazing how different it he made it for me but that first couple days i was i think they even used any of that footage it was so bad was that the first movie never and that's a star in it it's like have you ever done any since i did yeah i've done some smaller parts i didn't have a main role i did i was in i just was telling people yesterday i was on a betty white and i did a dennis the menace movie and i was telling the crowd they're nice you know i had the pleasure you know what's funny about comey too they no matter what you say they all think it's a joke and even if you say you know um the night my dad died i i came and said say this is a weird night you know my my father passed away today so this is kind of an emotional night and everybody laughed and i remember coming off stage i was
like i kind of was like what the [ __ ] why they think that's funny though like i think anything you say or maybe it's just because it's me right they don't they don't so like the united states said you know betty white passed away everybody was like oh and they clapped and i said betty dwight and i did a film together dennis the menace and they all let you know like didn't believe it kind of thing i'm like no i did and then i told the story i was on the i was in the tonight show and betty white was on the show with me and and this is maybe six seven years ago and she was getting her makeup put on and i walked in and i said hi betty i don't i don't bother you um i just wanted to say hi and she goes oh hi and uh she says um are you are you i i said i'm on the show with you tonight i just wanted to say hi and she goes oh what do you what do you do and i said oh i'm a singer i'm a rapper so i made something up and she goes oh that i can't wait to see you right i said do you remember working on a movie with me and she said oh i feel so bad i'm sorry i don't and i said oh well we did a movie with dennis the menace it was you and don rickles and me and a whole bunch of people and she goes there was a movie about dennis yeah you you were in i were in it but it was really cute because she didn't know not only who i was do you remember filming with me um but you know how many movies she must have oh no i know and i that's why i said okay we'll have you know but no it's sweet because she didn't know there was a movie again dennis that's that's kind of funny now rickles is better this is great so oh you met reckless oh wait no i wasn't alone with him so that's right so it's two rickles saying real quickly so i'm doing the i'm doing the dennis the menace and there's a scene where i i don't know i'm dressed like an indian i was i was all these it was um bill murray's brother uh briana murray and me and i'm doing like this uh i mean every scene i'm a different character i was i was like uh
indian i was i was an old guy and all these makeup things so most of the time i'd spend on the makeup trailer so it's the same wrong anything like you know because we're trying to you know trick this don rickles that i'm you know whatever had this route that we're trying to sell and so anyway we they i did the scene cut and i did that something didn't work the machine or something i was supposed to hold up didn't work so i was like [ __ ] that was a great scene too i thought that was a great take and rickles comes over to me and says come here a second i said what he walked seriously he walked me out and he said don't ever curse on a movie set and i said i'm sorry and he says you're you i love you and you're you're a good kid just never curse on us and i said that's great advice i'm i just i it slipped me okay he's we go to no he's literally no he you go to the thing and we go next scene and he's he's ad-libbing with the entire crew but he's saying oh we got the mexican here yeah the hubcaps are gone and i'm a car there's black guy hold your wallet he was doing all this like racial bad like worse than me saying [ __ ] right in front of and i remember thinking this is amazing like i got in trouble for saying [ __ ] oh so he was serious he was yeah i thought he was gonna no no no no no no no no no no no no he never no and then i saw him years ago right before he died literally uh which is going to be weird again there's like that what do you call that kevin bacon separation thing yeah i'm in uh some restaurant in l.a that all the to-do's are there i mean lily's like guy from motley cruise they're nikki six larry king uh mrs brady like is the weirdest people in there right i'm having dinner and my agent says to me i've been dead with him and he says you should go say hi to don rickles and i said [ __ ] where's don he says right over there and i said he was like 10 people
oh my god damn it i mean you know i'm kind of believe it or not in person i'm kind of shy i don't want to walk in front of a [ __ ] 10p and there you know everyone's approaching him all night probably so i said don hey don carrot top and he looks at me he says he goes really and i said yeah he says like i didn't see you coming from whatever from van nuys and i said yeah i don't want to bother you guys well that's too late you've already bothered me now what and i said i just wanted to just say do you remember working in the movie with me and he says i've tried to forget everything we've ever done together like like not even missing a beat i've tried to forget everything we've ever done together now this and i go i'm sorry i have a good night well it's too late now you've already ruined my dinner my appetite everyone say hi to carrots off and they'll go high and he's like no and i tried to buy this dinner but they they think i said no no i insist you can't but did you ever see the video of uh him and frank sinatra on johnny when he said that he was talking about the dinner yeah yeah can i come over yeah see if you can find that no it's really it's it's it's classic classic classic don rickles where uh sinatra he was eating dinner and don rickles came over and he well let's see if we can find it yeah yeah because it's very funny it's frank's inaudible when you're in a romantic mood and you're trying to make out whose records do you put on that's funny look at that music look at the way he dressed back then jesus christ look at that outfit i've spent a lot of nice evenings listening to your music and i just wonder oh i played jerry fail or some of those no i uh interesting concept yes it is but but uh i can answer that by telling you that in those lovely moments uh i play uh daphnis and chloe or the uh sunken cathedral the engulf cathedral that kind of classy jazz i can't fool around with all that other stuff because hey look i know you're gonna do another number with a band cause i know you've got a recording session tonight and uh
really don't be happy [Applause] just just look at that look how funny he is look at him yeah he's just great genius right well all genius yeah all of them yeah timing his time just even look at his face look at him look at him why don't you guys get with the band don't you guys get with the baby hey frank it's good to see you uh i i just i just was hanging around in the hall and i they said frank sinatra is here and i've never met him and i get the two excuses certainly certainly was hurt [Applause] two bullets in the head thursday it was like an inside joke yeah yeah it's connected to the mob not so inside either yeah yeah right johnny you're from the midwest you're busy look at their boots guido says hi he hasn't had a chance to talk to you and from jersey city your good friend bubani what's he's not in his car what's his alias he started his car with your album on and now he's a highway [Laughter] oh that's funny but i tell you i'm a jew and you're an italian and here we have what and this is a great irishman this is america look how these microphones right yeah you see it hanging into the frame for 14 years yeah you really know frank and i want you to know frank i worship you and i love you i really mean this because since i'm a kid i used to blow in girls ears and hear you was going do it my way i need a girl so bad i love my wife but she's ill i love my life i just can't picture him on the wedding night standing in a different world back then right yeah the microphone i suppose it's my way and barbra barber his wife is going frank when you get a minute god bless you he just got met hey all the good things this is the most
exciting night in the years that i've known johnny carson he started me on this show this is the most exciting night and i i i so help me it's a great night he was even nervous because he came to me and said and i said [Music] [Applause] this is a long time ago long before don got married i was eating dinner in a restaurant in new york and uh i was with some friends and he came over to the table and he said frank do me a favor with you he said i'm sitting with a very pretty girl and uh i'm trying to make out you know and he said i told her i know you and she really doesn't believe me would you stop by the table i said all right i was just about finished i was down to the espresso and i finally he went back and i walked by the table i said how are you don nice to see he said can't you see i'm eating frankly [Applause] how great is that that's pretty great but the youtube [ __ ] it up with those big screens in the bottom like you can watch this so you could watch that or yeah do you know the billy crystal one which one's pretty great another one with don rickles no so billy crystal and i'm gonna mess this up uh billy crystal by the way i i would kind of i didn't grow up with billy crystal and i didn't really and i went saw him on broadway when he did this 48 sundays or 52 sunday with his father or whatever it's called 54 sundays and what is it it's it's it's it's if it wasn't well it was a one-man on broadway but it was it was the most remarkable thing i've ever sat through in my life i mean you laugh you cry and then you're laughing again and then you're crying really hard and um he couldn't have been nicer and and took a picture of me after and on the set and anyway big huge billy crystal fan so anyway i go back and i watch one of his uh it's very similar to that so he said he was red fox was going to play in las vegas and so he flew from la to vegas just to see red fox
it's like at midnight at the you know whatever stardust or whatever hotel was the time now and of course he's he'll tell the story better but he says uh so i get on the plane i go there and look at this oh shit's at midnight so i have to i i'm not gonna i gotta set my alarm and take a nap so he sets his alarm for like 11 30 gets up goes down gets dressed goes down to the club walks into the comic club where fox was going to play and there's like four people and so bill is looking around he's like wow this is going to be weird and they said ladies and gentlemen please welcome red fox and they play right the music from the thing and he walks up and grabs a mic and he goes [ __ ] this [ __ ] and they play it billy of course does it way better but how great is that he walked [ __ ] this [ __ ] threw the mic down and he was like well i flew all the way here oh look at napping yeah i get it from red fox's perspective but [ __ ] wasn't it can you imagine having the opportunity to see red fox live um i think that's why billy or you did that yeah and you know i got to go watch i got to go watch this the days before social media you couldn't get anybody to come see the show like they didn't know they were gonna go see a legend right you know but yeah funny red fox had a comedy club in l.a apparently at one point yeah richard pryor used to play there and there's some cassettes that i bought at a truck stop one day i love richard and red fox it was uh there was shows that were recorded at red fox's comedy club and you can get them they're on youtube i believe um some of them are at least and these recordings they're really interesting because it's not it's not like the most produced recordings but you hear glasses clink and you hear ice cubes and stuff and and richard pryor is [ __ ] around great oh it's amazing it's amazing he's he's uh he's riffing and ad-libbing on stage and you know just one of the funniest guys i think we ever had i mean honestly oh yeah groundbreaking right yeah he's uh certainly an argument as the
goat i mean it's hard to say like who's the greatest because you have to always go back to like lenny bruce started it if it wasn't for lenny bruce right who knows where the art form stand up comedy would be today because it's all the rules yep he was the first right that does comedy the way we do comedy like we just talk about things and say say what's on your mind talk about social issues and but richard pryor was the first to talk like personally about himself and make it vulnerable and really funny and really honest and there's a scene out of the true there's a scene out of and i i've been saying this for probably like two weeks now when i flew last my ipad the worst at technology i'm gonna [ __ ] i don't know how to i don't know how to download [ __ ] i don't know how to like i get on a plane yeah i don't know how to get on their thing to watch movies so i have two movies on my on my ipad that i watched a thousand one is a queen documentary that i watch and then there's one um richard pryor but it's an old movie uh california suite and there's a scene you should watch with eddie murphy and bill cosby that from the beginning to the end it's like five eddie murphy and bill cosby no no sorry bill cosby and richard pryor oh okay and the scene is [ __ ] great they they get their car breaks down they got their wives with them and he it's from the beginning of the end he's like he slams the hood and he says didn't the man just say don't slam the hood not a bad cosby [Laughter] i'm telling you it's like it's it's just it's it's brilliant not only just the writing of it is timing and how they [ __ ] and i think the movie did okay but i mean you go back and you're watching it's like god damn it's funny but now the keys in the car who put the lock the keys go i know i didn't lock they put the keys in the car the guy said to them now the keys are in the car well how we can get the keys and it just goes and then also you're driving there's a big hole in the
things i'm not paying for the [ __ ] it's just it's great for me you think you could find that one california suite richard pryor bill uh cosby how long is it not long why you running out of time you gotta do you got dinner plans i don't know if this is the race no that's not the right one yeah it's on the highway put a highway but this is the move yeah what year was that highway one although every scene they do together is great but the highway one for some reason makes me laugh because it's just it just it just it just starts right from the beginning where it's not too long it's like two minutes sorry it's like two minutes long it's not long but it's a great i don't know you look back and you think god damn it they were how funny they were well you also have to think if it's 1978 right like how long have they been doing comedy movies like what was the first comedy movie was it like you mean for them for anybody that's a great question because they've been commenting comedy movies they they really i mean was it laurel and hardy was it the marx brothers yeah what year do you think the march brothers were i i have all the marx brothers tapes i love the marketplace this year that's what thirty third fifth there yeah thirty supers thirty three thirties so that is only like forty five years after the yeah yeah yeah the slapstick or the but but yeah buster keaton i guess was probably earlier than that right yeah buster keaton was wild because he did all his own stunts michael he was batman right that's michael no that's my cookie buster i have a michael keaton story when i hear it's great okay yeah that's what's great about this honestly that so this is not a joke so i go to a u2 concert in vegas right and this everyone everyone it's a stadium right they put this all these celebrities in this little [ __ ] pit so everyone's screaming it was like sigourney we all these people it's weird like 20 years ago it was like cat top right and i'm i'm saying hi there buddy and i looked next to me and it's uh michael keaton and he's he's not only baffled but he just doesn't understand
who i am what the [ __ ] because you know everyone in vegas is okay no idea so i'm i'm a risk taker right we're a young comic and he looks over at me and he says who the [ __ ] are you and i grabbed his shirt and said i'm batman no he was not happy and the guy from uh rem michael stipe is like [ __ ] lost his [ __ ] he's like god damn it dude that was [ __ ] great you saw that i said i don't think he was happy [ __ ] him man i did i went he set me up perfectly who are you oh here we go all right this is a funny scene i think you're gonna just watch the the beach 1978 there's such a great scene well that's just fine unless you're making a pot of tea i think we're in big trouble i didn't build a car i just i actually don't think we can play this whole thing okay because [Applause] we're just waiting to slam the hood look at the gauge more and i looked at the road i ran off the road i did not run off the game so you looked at the gauge it wouldn't have overheated i mean looking at the gaze real good stops it from overheating no but you've got to speak up you've got to say hey the gate says we're overheating this is not the kind of news that you keep to yourself i know i hate rent-a-cars why don't we just leave it here at least get to the hood part i told you all we need to do is give it a chance i hate rental cars what's the matter with the doors didn't the man say not to slam the hood down didn't the man say the doors sometimes lock when you slam the hood down did the man say i would burn my hand the car's got the keys why didn't you take the keys i only went from my seat to the hood i thought it would be safe you on this side stand over there what fool closed the window that food closed the windows even with my eyes on the gauge i saw that food close the windows the air conditioning doesn't work with open windows well now the car doesn't work with clothes windows doesn't fool
smile everybody we're in los angeles different time not fantastic now i wonder i want a different time i wonder i wonder too like you said that like uh the the that that's with with with movies in comedy you know that you have to really they it's like they were best friends yeah like they were they just they weren't even like it was ad-libbing it was perfect it was just well it's a different time into in about like what's funny and what's not too like things were funny people were more innocent then than they were now remember eddie murphy's uh special when he said about uh bill cosby calling it remember yeah yeah right yeah well there he's working with the original potty mouth guy well yeah i mean he's the guy he called that's the right murphy card right now right now he called it he said did you tell bill shut the [ __ ] up well it's funny because like that's similar to like don rickles telling you not to swear yeah it was really well people like they bill cosby was a stickler for that too people thought that there was like rules that everyone had to observe because at one point in time if you had a work you really did have to observe those rules like you couldn't swear you know and when don rickles is telling you this i mean he's talking about like life in the in the fifties you know and i think he really didn't curse and i think yeah i thought you really were thinking the story was gonna go where he he went on an f-bomb rage after but no he was serious in the night then he went on to this whole different thing that was so inappropriate well it's so weird that like back then like words like swear words were so meaningful that had so much yeah i mean today it's it's just a commonplace thing for someone to say [ __ ] right most shows have swear words in them yeah yeah especially nowadays right sure even even network television is kind of like yeah because well because of cable and because of the internet and netflix and all that jazz but back then if you wanted to work on television you had to be [ __ ] clean like do you remember in the 80s like people would tell you hey you got to work clean yeah cruise ship cleaning
that kind of [ __ ] up your ass state fair your career yeah and i used to do an hour shows in front of state fairs like kids oh ages yeah it was a comedy club back in way back in the south when i worked at the guy i thought that was pretty funny that the owner said or the club owner said to me uh i did the first night and the next night i came in to set up and he says um you maybe you've heard this term but he says uh could you maybe pull the [ __ ] a bit i said what do you mean pull him like like just like say but not you say [ __ ] but don't it's i'm not making i said what do you mean like he's like just like pull him a little bit like just saying [ __ ] disgusting the owner's i remember thinking how do you pull your [ __ ] i guess jokes but some jokes you need that's the whole joke you say [ __ ] right you got to say [ __ ] that's not funny right yeah not every joke needs to [ __ ] but there's some you got to say some [ __ ] yeah like you lock your keys in the car yeah [ __ ] yeah you can't say why didn't the man say not just no you gotta say the word you mean yeah well this has got it was a good time man i'm glad we got to meet you thank you hang out yeah thanks for listening to all my stuff it's a lot of fun yeah good we got you five bottles of booze we had a good time a couple cigars half a job um if people want to see you in vegas what's the best way they can buy tickets uh yeah you're probably uh luxor i would think deluxe or carrottop.com okay so you could buy tickets i think you can buy i think you can i've never i don't know i think so but yeah luxor uh every night um every night except sunday every episode there we go look at you fellas look at that your hair changes color sometimes it does well that's just yeah i put some green and some purple and pink in there for the carrottop.com yeah there you go so six nights a week most weeks yeah we take up a little bit here and there but we're there we're there for uh for most of the year and if someone
wants to see you when you're on the road all that schedule's up yeah yeah it'll be on there as well yeah we're gonna be in a whole bunch of places and coming up okay so carrottop.com and then instagram are you on twitter too yep twitter twitter carrot carrot top i think they're all carrots all right i think well thanks brother thank you buddy good to meet you it's a lot of fun all right bye everybody [Applause] [Music]