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pow and We Begin The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by the Fleshlight if you go to Joe rogan.net click on the link for the Fleshlight and enter in the code name Rogan you will get 15% off the number one sex toy for men it's a [ __ ] solid product and we stand behind it we're also brought to you stand in front of it Joe what kind of flashlight [ __ ] are you doing are you putting it in your ass what the am I doing it wrong am I doing it wrong are you sure I'm doing it wrong well even doing it wrong you forgot about the lid SC for people like it in the but even doing it wrong it feels so right I'm sure someone must have used the Fleshlight that way [ __ ] must right yeah I mean I've seen some giant things up people's asses like a human flesh aede it's like a big circle of guys like half of them are [ __ ] and half of them are I saw one dud foot up another dude's ass a dude had his foot up a dude's ass all the way up to the ankle was that just for shock value like just meet.com or was that more like a was that more sexual thing man I don't know man you got to wonder with the motivation behind anybody wanting to take that picture or see that picture you know like whoa what is who's who's oh [ __ ] [ __ ] wait wait Tom go get the camera yeah Tom get the camera does it feel good for your toes or does it feel good for his ass who's happy here who's happy in this moment we're also brought to you by anna.com makers of alphabrain the cognitive enhancing supplement uh as as I say with all these uh neut tropics and different things that are cognitive enhancing supplements do some research if you're interested in this stuff don't just buy alpab brain please go and Google neut tropics and read some articles it's very fascinating there's a bunch of different they have a bunch of proprietary Blends that a bunch of other companies have that are great as well you know just go look and try some stuff out read some things on it some things will react well with you some some things won't if you like uh Alpha Brain but you think it's too expensive this is what I want you to do I want you to go to the ingredients list and copy it the shows you the exact dose copy it buy the [ __ ] in bulk and put it together yourself and here's the thing if you buy it and it doesn't work and you don't
like it it's 100% money back guarantee we try to make this as easy as possible there's no other way to to make it as clear as possible that I am much more concerned with you not feeling ripped off than I am with making money so I think it's a real product I like it I enjoy it it's good it works for me Alpha Brain gives me like like a nice little like like a py feeling um I don't know what the [ __ ] going on with it I don't know what it does I bet that stops a lot of people from taking from taking drugs well some people like the idea like well it might not work they going to be out $400 or whatever it is and I'm like I don't want to take a chance on something that might not work but if I get some guarantee that' be that'd be pretty good what you like drugs you mean what do you mean no like any sort of like I don't know mood enhancers or or like or like whatever you need for whatever else I don't know what drugs do people take why would this is nothing like a drug though none of these things I mean the only thing that would be close is the uh new mood the 5 HTP supplement which is like a serotonin booster but even that it would be like the subtlest of smiles that you know permeates your brain you know have you ever used 5htp mhm didn't do much for me didn't uh do you taking the Neil Brennan size doses uh I was taking a lot I took I saw yeah he said he just goes over the whatever the [ __ ] recommended da is he jacks that [ __ ] for recomend I'll take it into account yeah he just goes nuts yeah but uh well I thought it was really fascinating that he said that his doctor who had him on some sort of anti-depressant told him to get off the 5htp because it was essentially like taking two anti-depressants um there's something where it can react really badly with ssris yeah um but that's like half the anti-depressants of that or ssris but it can it can like cause you some weird overdose what is the SSR what is the the actual name for that it's like serotonin something re inhibitor yeah like it ads or deletes serotonin H well um I've heard uh there's also Brian you read something about the dangers of 5htp online right what the [ __ ] was that about oh I uh somebody sent me this because of uh yesterday's podcast where I've been talking about my arm which we've talked
to the doctor and he said it's probably from podcasting and I'm probably py started making fun of me and then he and then he made that song all about how weak I was I no he there there was uh hold on I'll get to it it there was somebody sent that on uh Web MD that 5htp uh might be unsafe and not to take it because people who there's been reports that people who are taking it are getting a serious condition with extreme M muscle tenderness called myalgia and blood abnor normalities one of those words moralities really uh and so uh they said that you shouldn't take it that they're thinking it's a contaminant and and some 5htp products and that um oh so it's not 5htp it's something that's contaminated in 5 right and that so pretty much there's like sour milk going around you know I mean oh wow so the sour milk that's giving people muscle soreness yeah muscle soreness out of nowhere and well we're going to we'll get to the bottom of that I'll find out what the [ __ ] that is so if that's the case you know pay attention to that folks obviously don't buy ship from Mexico I've already talked to I've already water 5ht it's a little too cheap look into it yeah I've already talked to Aubry about it from uh on it labs and he said that not to worry about it and that that they're they test it like three times their own Labs test it like three times to make sure you know that's all good but he said he just you know he'll look into it more but he said that's what he that what he so it's some cheap company yeah it's like cheap company 5htp you know like when you're at the store like you're at the CVS and you see like oh there's this one for $2 you know you know that's good to know okay we also have well alphab doesn't have that anyway this is a new mood which is the 5htp and L trip to fan supplement um I like it I've been taking it um but yeah I would I would definitely consider looking into what the whatever the [ __ ] this what the AR Ro is about because that that's a pretty serious but in my honest opinion I think the doctor is right like in my honest this I mean somebody just sent that to me that's why obviously you're moving your arm in the same direction yeah I'm like the vector Raptor cuz I have to kind of it's almost
what's that [ __ ] called that Barbers get a lot from uh carp tunnel carpal tunnel it's almost that get that [ __ ] yeah also secretaries get a a lot um what else what other womanly like I'm just podcasting too much yeah you you to take days off man ice your ice your elbow I know Jesus Christ that's ridiculous you're falling apart son you're falling apart son um anyway well like we said with uh with on it um if you don't like it don't buy and if you if you're interested go look all all the other different things that are available online but if you want to buy alphab brain it's available at on it.com o n niit t we also have um two different mushroom supplements one's called shroom Tech Sport and that's a uh one for extreme endurance exercises like if you're a person who likes to do like CrossFit or [ __ ] like that if you do Jiu-Jitsu or you doing MMA this shroom Tech sport is awesome it's a ceps mushroom and B12 supplement it's great for energy like um they the Chinese Olympic team was like the first to start using it like the '90s apparently it's like a mushroom that enhances your your body's ability to absorb air really yeah you're um they in high altitudes like they noticed that cattle were eating these mushrooms and then they were much more lively so people started experimenting with them I thought when you said mushroom pills um you thought I was talking about pill pill mushroom they have those now mushroom mushroom pill pure cocin oh that's no mushrooms that's dangerous I don't know my friend my friend's taking them and he was like they're just great man you don't get the upset stomach else the same it's like THC pills yeah but I feel like then you're not working for it that's part of the mushroom experience is if you're going to get the gift from the plant you're going to eat that shitty body of it I have to try it I don't know where it gets them um this is nothing like that this is just for endurance and there's another one for IM it's called Trum Tech immune which is a great one uh it's it's a really interesting way it works is way been explained to me is there's this mushroom and when your body detects it your body thinks that it's some sort of it might be a bug like it might be a cold or something like that so your immune system fires up for fight
That Never Comes really yeah so this mushroom somehow or another tricks your body into thinking it's going to be attacked but nothing happens and so your immune system fights it off pumps up it pumps up for a fight and there's no fight yeah so it like really helps your immune system ward off colds quicker that's cool yeah it's uh I I believe in um I think and here's something to look into too folks is um probiotics I think are very important something that a lot of people that well no probiotics are live cultures it's like acidophilus or um kombucha is my favorite I drink that kombucha [ __ ] I drink that tea every day I really firmly believe it keeps you from getting sick blueberries they are antioxidants antioxidants yeah yeah they are this is a little different though this this is a live culture live culture is actually living things it's an organism you're taking into your body that actually fights off bad [ __ ] it's kind of crazy but it works this organism works symbiotically with your body is that on all mushrooms or is it just like specific it's different you know some of them will [ __ ] kill you there mushrooms you [ __ ] up and eat the wrong ones you'll have like instant liver failure like there's some some serious failure mushrooms out there and somebody had to find that out man somebody had to eat those things and then they had to like everybody stand and watch them and then 20 minutes later he's [ __ ] black skinned and foaming at the mouth and his whole body spasming and you're like okay now we know that mushroom is bad don't [ __ ] eat that and they had to know this by the way back when there was no books right there's wrri it down told you you remember how honeysuckles were okay to eat but that other barrier weren't what remember honeysuckles oh yeah no I don't remember pull the take them off you seen those lately I was looking for reason was a one drop of Honey really yeah yeah I've been actually looking for they don't have those out here in Los Angeles do they cuz I thought I saw one the other day and I'm like one too but I didn't actually grab it and see if it was one I think they have them somewhere but not a lot definitely I miss those yeah they're great when you're biking around um but you just knew which ones were like f on the purple pinky ones onnit.com enter in
theod named Rogan get 10% off that's it that's the commercial boom AR shafir is here start the program The Joe Rogan Experience sneakiest commercial Joan podcast by night all day I'm revolutionizing commercials I was trying to get uh mushrooms for renesi and reap they're in Missouri for shroomfest and I was like I'll find them for you and I was putting out there Network yeah I was like I'll call my favorites if you guys want to take part in this but then uh somebody was like like why don't you just pick them they're all over really and I realized like I trust my drug dealer over what I find in nature I had a guy came up to me after the show Once one of the creepiest dudes ever he's just sweaty and weird and [ __ ] and he gave me a bag of mushrooms hey man I picked these myself I'm like [ __ ] I would [ __ ] take your mushrooms crazy face you picked your yeah but who do you trust a regular just a weird looking dude man well you know you trust you trust people who know the right people who are growing them you know you got to get into the deep Matrix of the where to get the mushrooms that's the problem the other ones are super poisonous yeah it's F WR way I don't know you know I I I don't know how much different silis hybrid mushrooms look than any other mushrooms you know by the time I get them they're all dried out and someone's taking care of them I've never seen one I don't think out in the wild I've never seen that red top oh I've seen that man really that was on my property in Colorado really so did you take that no I didn't but I took pictures of it oh that's cool that was a red top with the dot with the with the spots with the white SP Mario Brother ones yeah the am mascaria yeah that's the one that John Marco algra well no see that's one that's a very funky mushroom it's a really different mushroom it's not it doesn't have psilocybin in it it works in a completely different way with your body it's a psychedelic but it's completely different and it's seasonable it's variable genetically it's variable from different climates what we're getting in America I don't believe is the same amonita muscaria mushroom there's been a lot of debate on this amongst uh all those uh psychedelic connoisseurs those people Terence
McKenna type fellow and um that's one of the reasons why a lot of people have taken it and it doesn't do anything I took it once and it didn't do [ __ ] I took it with uh Doug stano mus maybe no I don't know man Yan made it so you know Yan's a [ __ ] he's a he's a he's a real head yeah he would and he he did the he did the right thing he did it all right but it just wasn't getting us but then um was one of did you eat anytime near that time that you took it that we did it the right way we did it the right way but then uh we we mixed it with psilocybin mushrooms dug through in some silop and then we went to the [ __ ] center of the universe it's like mixing them together was a was a wow was a total mind [ __ ] and you know that was uh one of the the things that they believe is uh s Som is was some sort of a mixture and it's talked about with great reverence in you know the the the Hindu texts and Som is greater than Brahma greater than Som no no no no no no no that's just they just stole the word what Som is is like the greatest psychedelic ever apparently and so what is that they don't know that's the craziest thing about it it's written with so much love but somehow somewhere they lost the formula nobody knows what Som is so it's all debated like Gordon Watson thought it was the amonita muscaria McKenna thought it was psilocybin they think it might be a commentatory drug with psilocybin mixed in with some other stuff and some people think it might be psilocybon and ammonita muscaria they don't know so what is this Ammon mascaria how does that hit you what does that do for you well it depends on where you get it see everybody's got to like I said if if you I don't I can't speak from personal experience cuz what I got didn't really work I don't think it's hard to tell because it was like a few hours and it really hadn't out but with without s Ian I don't know I mean it's supposed to yeah it's supposed to be able to but I don't know what in what form I don't know what part of the world you got to get it it's it's variable that's the that's the issue with it it's not always psychedelic but what it is is Santa Claus the the [ __ ] the image of Santa Claus being this red and white guy you know the image of the trees underneath
the um the pine the excuse me the presents underneath the pine cones or the pine trees they it has a Michel risal relationship with birch trees I mean it literally grows under these [ __ ] Christmas trees that's where it grows and it's well wrapped in shiny colors yeah it's beautiful it's shiny as [ __ ] sounds like Eddie Griffin conspiracy theory does it does but it really that's really what it is I mean the whole Christmas presentence under the tree thing is directly related to this amonita mascaria mushroom it is red and white and the way they dry these mushrooms out by the way is they hang them over the fireplace that's why people have red and white stockings hanging over their fireplace why the [ __ ] Elsey out to dry them out nice yeah that's what it is so that it's become this stocking now but what it used to be is red and white mushrooms hanging underneath your fireplace who where's the proof of that it's a lot of proof a lot of proof there's not only that all the old all the old if you go back to all the old Christmas cards they all have mushrooms in them mushroom symbology big Ammon mushroom uh in they have elves what old Christmas all the old Christmas cards look at the old Christmas mushrooms well the elves are what you see when you take mushrooms if you take enough and then on top of it the these elves are always playing with mushrooms they always have this Ammon mascaria Mushroom in Santa Claus it's all yeah if you go back and look wait hold on I thought Cocola made up Santa Claus no no no no what a Coca-Cola makeup oh you silly Jew what did Coca-Cola makeup the colors no that was that was claimed but then proof uh became proof that there was an artist from uh at least I believe a a decade or two before that who attributed to making Santa Claus red and white they thought that Santa Claus was one color and then he was made red and white because of um because of Coca-Cola co-created the black Santa Claus the black Santa Claus Coca-Cola just created the black one I'm going to find some pictures for you and it was like grooving with some Coca-Cola Santa and so it always had mushroom stuff in it in the Christmas time did it grow in that time um see I I I here I bet is come on over here come on over here look at this all these
Christmas things look at that I know and Sant CL all people and every single person that Drew every single one of those lived in California dude dude you're you're [ __ ] this are old as [ __ ] these are from the 1700s dude oh yeah okay look this is old as [ __ ] see this Chris Christmas look amonita mcari mushroom that's a really old picture dude okay there's there's a bunch of them look at them this is like all this from a long time ago that was the norm a long time ago in Europe especially it was the norm look at this well just just this is what I want you to Google Just Google Santa and amonita muscaria M imur that yeah but you look at the ident if you go to like say I don't know where Christmas was born it seems like born in Germany or something but but if you go to Germany if you go to Germany and look at same year try to find artwork of the same Christmas stuff like in Germany from that exact time period And I bet none of them had mushrooms on they all had like you know something you're just you're just guessing this off the top of your showing you pictures no I'm just saying that but that's what I would think well you would think wrong because I'm showing you pictures of Christmas cards from the 1700s that have all these there was wacky Christmas cards Bri there's a lot of look at this right here look at this one right here with this there an old picture of Santa and he's got all these [ __ ] Amon mascaria mushrooms at his feet where's that from it's oh [ __ ] man let me find out it's old as [ __ ] but where is it from officially old as [ __ ] I'll find out the ages of the pictures but these These are you know these are like ancient [ __ ] Christmas cards see Easter can't see Santa Claus why would you not see it I don't know it's just like I why is this not talked about all the time then you know like why why is this not on regular TV and the news I feel this is like the tower 7 of holiday so you're saying it sort of just got lost and mushrooms are just in it for look there's so many correlations listen listen to the connections okay yeah the the the way they dry these [ __ ] things out is twofold one they hang them on the trees they put them in the branches so they dry by the Sun or B they hang them under the fireplace what
do they do you see [ __ ] stockings hanging on the fireplace or Tre you know it's they literally grow under the same tree that we use as a Christmas tree and they are shiny packages and if you get them from the right place apparently they make you trip the [ __ ] out and they respond that's the the mushroom that they believe is responsible for you know the the writings in the Bible it's the the sacred Mushroom in the cross the Amon muscar mushroom is on the cover the sacred Mushroom in the cross it just makes sense to me that if scholars believe that there's a connection between this mushroom and religious texts then of course there's a connection between this mushroom and Santa Claus and if you add up all the things that that line up as far as like hanging it over the fireplace and putting it on trees it totally could be possible so is if you go to encyclopedia britannica's headquarters in wherever that would be like Wisconsin and you go through them and go all right what is this Christmas to you what do you guys have about the mushroom thing that they're like what the [ __ ] you talking about get out of here hippie you know don't wouldn't you think that well I think that they're not that willing to to incorporate any sort of illegal drug ideology into their their their work they probably just would ignore it even if there's a lot of evidence do you think sometimes that people that do a lot of mushrooms try to make connections with everything in pastory sure definitely they 420 people I think that's what my judge if I had to judge like if this was a game show that's what my judgment would be it's like yeah that's just some hippie that made this awesome connection it's a great story and that's a silly thing when you're not okay well that's a Dumb Way To Think because Scholars like I'm not sold on anything I'm not sold on anything but I'm definitely not sold on you just talking off your ass no I'm I'm I'm just putting a counter point I'm counter you're putting a Counterpoint to a [ __ ] guy who is a scholar John Marco algro studied the dead schol that say the exact opposite years the only ones that do are religious ones I know but but who who says religious ones
hean only couldn't it be we're not talking about py bran we're talking about Dead Sea Scrolls well wouldn't even be encyclopedia couldn't it be part of the couldn't it be part of like the was it Christmas originally the pagan holiday and Christianity to it couldn't be part of that pagan holiday that ritual they took over that they used those Gods it's just the the the real question is what's with the elves what's with the [ __ ] mushrooms and all these Christmas pictures what's with the correlations why do these mushrooms exist you know and why do they coincide with this holiday what is the big deal well the big deal is these people were tripping their [ __ ] balls off man that's what it is and it became somehow or another it turned into a a guy coming down the chimney and giving you presents what it was is this was this was some [ __ ] they found under the tree that's much more likely to me if you got a [ __ ] plant that makes you trip balls and and ancient people find out about it they worship that [ __ ] you know it becomes like a huge in part of their life could you imagine if your world was the regular world of people that lived before books yeah you know I mean you're barely civilized barely got it together people are just getting by every day be get sick nobody know what the [ __ ] was going on there was no doctors we you just died man you just they gave you some leaves to chew on and you usually just [ __ ] died what if they found something like this if they found that there was some mushrooms and you would eat them and all a sudden you'd be lying in a field and [ __ ] spiraling Through the Universe on the most Wild Ride of of of of joy and Ecstasy of your life and then you would you would want to [ __ ] praise that [ __ ] you would want to make that yeah you would want to create a holiday you'd want to make it a part of your your your everyday life you would you would be worshiping it you know that's that's the feeling behind a lot of people what why there was all this cattle Worship in the ancient world yeah you know cuz no one can understand that like why why would you have these like really aggressive primates they did worship cats yeah but they didn't worship them like people worship like the Hindus worshiped cows really I think
yeah cows are much do H worship cows they just say they leave them alone no man you don't you don't eat them they don't eat them they consider them sacred they consider them uh I don't I don't know the something something cool they consider them something cool but I think that has to do with the cow [ __ ] says about it and mushrooms growing in the cow [ __ ] this is what Wikipedia has about it about what um Christmas the relation to from mushrooms to um Santa Claus okay um Fly AAR appear I don't know what fly agar are Gars that's the the actual plant so okay appear on Christmas cards and New Year's cards from around the world as a symbol of good luck the ethnobotanist Jonathan a has suggested the idea of Santa Claus and tradition of hanging stockings over the fireplace based essentially upon this mushroom itself H there's a lot of people that have had proposed g red and white color scheme he argu a Santa Claus suit is related to the mushroom he also draws on parallels with flying reindeer reindeer have been reported to consume the mushroom and prints around in an intoxicated manner afterwards isn't that wild that's what's what's up about flying reindeer reindeer loves amonita muscaria mushrooms so much that when people have these mushroom they trip out the people yeah they do well when people well the other thing about amonita muscaria mushrooms is about recycling the urine the way to really trip your balls off is apparently a lot of whatever it is that psychoactive inside the mushroom is it passes through your body and into your urine and if you drink your urine it kicks the whole experience to the next level what do you mean while you're on it while you're tripping balls you P I go PE a lot you're going to go deep deep deep the guy the dude who told me who did it said it was it was crazy he was like he was tripping and everybody's like okay if you have to pee you got to drink your pee and he's like [ __ ] man I don't want to drink my pee I'm already tripping balls this is good this is good and he drank his pee and he was like shot through yeah psilocybin mushrooms that's the case amonita mcar I would think while I'm mushrooms I'd be like dude don't trust your this is just the mushrooms talking do
not no it's the shaman talking it's like the the ancient tradition of doing it if that's how you take it to the next level while you're in the middle of your mushroom experience you drink your urine and whatever it is or psilocin psilocybin whatever it is it's passed through I don't know the technical components of it but apparently talking to several people have done it this is what this guy says he said if Santa Claus had one eye or if magic Ur had been part of his Legend we'd be it'd be way easier to believe but it's that's why it's not that's why there's dispute it's like it's not super clear well yeah who the [ __ ] knows I think it's possible though there was an article about in the magazine Sunday times in 1980 and the new scientist in 1986 those are those are legitimate yeah well it's not you know this is not my wacky idea this is an idea that's been kicked around for decades people believe it that are uh you know like there are serious Scholars that that believe in this silly idea but uh the um the whole idea of it being illegal is what's the most fascinating thing to me whole idea that these mushrooms are illegal that this is a this is somehow or another some person has decided to pass some sort of a law saying that you can't experience this it's bad for you I was walking out of a pot store uh once early on uh at a Zen I was like I still felt like it's like cool that I'm having drugs and I saw a cop on the corner I was like doesn't matter I'm holding my drugs but then I realized my other hand I had a bag of mushrooms I was like oh this I got to hide try not to be so weird you [ __ ] dork walking down the street with mushrooms in your hand wow you're just living that crazy comedy life son I guess yeah cares in La they don't care in LA but I hope it stays this way you know it's the the real issue is the federal issue you know if we could find one cool spot and if they you know supported State's rights we could find a cool spot where we could make pretty much everything legal we all got together and said hey we're going to have one Clarity State there's a state where you know is murder crime theft all that stuff yeah that's all illegal arson illegal rapes illeg yeah the rest of it shut up man the rest of it just shut the [ __ ] up there's too many goddamn laws
this is this is how it's going to go down this is where the money's going to go here this is going to be legal you this will be regulated this you know you have to buy in a store well then you'll know it's pure and it's tested by the government that's where the government can help out test mushrooms that's what you want you want to help out you want to really be service of the people this is what we do we get rid of some of the government jobs that John Hopkins study right we yeah the John Hopkins study said that people taking mushrooms uh even just one experience significantly affected them for decades significantly affected their personality changed it for the better I know psychedelic experience has changed me I I know every time I I take them when I I have like thoughts of uh what I need to do right or what I'm doing wrong or what's what's [ __ ] with me or you know that's those are just jolts of reality that you don't get unless you take a psychedelic you can you can get you can get like pretty deep when you outside you really like easily you could get pretty deep when you meditate and I'm not above uh the idea that some people can get to psychedelic States naturally because it's been written about by so many people I think it's a discipline issue I think it's just like you could tell someone hey uh you know I could teach you martial arts and uh you could go and kick somebody's ass and then you're like really are you sure and then I give you like one lesson and throw you in there with a guy like Marcelo Garcia and you just get manhandled you're like I could never [ __ ] do this because I don't think it's a one I don't think a lot of people would what you think is possible due to meditation is based on your level of meditation how how deep have you taken it you know I mean how relaxed do you get how centered do you get when you meditate cuz some people get super distracted and it it never gets more than a yeah it never gets more than a surface sort of I go real deep with mushrooms I take a little there's like I see like these Universal truths and I can sort of hold on to it barely for like a second or two or like a day but then it's like the more I go the more I can bring back and remember yeah like oh yeah this thing against right all about
you know it's always humbling right always humbling yeah it's like you don't matter you don't matter well you do you do I mean you do you you have intent and you have you know will and you can spread positive energy you you do you do matter yeah you know you matter but I mean godamn there's a lot of us you know and we're all a part of one thing you know it's not if we all matter then you matter as well it's not that you don't matter but godamn it's big it's [ __ ] giant it's all encompassing it's not just your house it's not just your car it's not just your street or your neighborhood it's the whole [ __ ] universe and it's all together in one giant [ __ ] soup we just can't feel it we just can't feel it we feel like there's well there's distance between us and Mars there's no distance everything between this and that there's something there okay whether it's dark matter or [ __ ] you can't see or stuff we haven't discovered there is nowhere where there's not something yeah there's no even in a vacuum there's something there's something everywhere and you know whether it's subatomic whether it's you it's we are connected to everything everywhere and that is impossible to recognize without some sort of a full-blown psychedelic experience it takes something like that to feel it because otherwise it's just a bunch of words cuz I thought all those words before you know I thought all those words like yeah you know it's kind of cool I think we're all kind of connected and you know and think yeah the universe is huge and you know I had all those thoughts before psychedelics and I had them with you know a certain amount of clarity yeah but there's a big difference between I feel like it sucks you out and just makes you see like you're just one of even in your state of of so many people that you're just like a blip and then you see time before you and after you and you're like oh my God yeah it's insane it's insane to think that you know that we have this short amount of time here and it seems like as the time goes on you just start figuring out what the [ __ ] is going on you know like as you get to that's that's like the thing about people today we live long enough to see the hustle we live long enough to see the [ __ ] you know if we were Romans man we would all be
long Dead all of us we're in our you're in our your 30s I'm in my 40s we're dead people yeah we're dead there's no way we'd be alive we were alive we'd be totally crippled we'd have lion bites on our dicks and [ __ ] big f one of us would be in an arm or something you know you get [ __ ] up back then man but today we can live and we live safely and we have enough nutrition and you're eating vitamins and everything and you live long enough to see the goddamn hustle 10 years ago they said one out of two people in England would live to see 100 God damn wouldn't you love to live in a castle though back in the day like where you had the little Courtyards little houses in between like inside the castle castle Yeah like like a really big one drafty as I think that would be crazy because you you have this one GI house and everybody around you has little houses that's the dumbest way to live no no I mean like would wouldn't that be cool just to like experience it for like 3 days or something like that I experience what would be like to have all those people in those little houses want to kill you your gold yeah I wonder if it was like that can you imagine that if everybody else is starving and there's this giant house with people that are eating gold sandwiches I me like you sound like you're describing Bashar Assad Bashar Assad what is that he's the leader of Syria oh really yeah it's like everyone's starting over V but it's like I still got the guns oh wow is that over there it's it's how crazy is the that whole Arab area the whole Arab Spring thing and what this is nuts man I took that guy in my death pool did you really yeah it's a uh strange strange time for that the whole part of the yeah they're all internet making everybody like wait what that did what over there really yeah well they they problem he let them have the internet really is that what happened he finally like went LA on the internet and then they he was like it was his downfall yeah that in the CIA [ __ ] you know the CIA had a little piece of that that's they said all saying it's outside influence like you shouldn't be listening that's that's spies that are starting all this but maybe yeah that's the best way to overthrow them get their own people
to do it for us yeah sure arm them arm them help them and also all we're trying to get them to do is just live free yeah but that [ __ ] don't work that way make the new boss same as the old boss that's what's going on in Iraq right now Iraq apparently is just a [ __ ] mess right now really yeah there's like a Civil War about to break out that's what they always said soon would happen as soon as we left that was going to happen right of course man we we you know there's a vacuum when there's a vacuum someone's going to seek to fill it and there's a lot of people that are still alive that were alive back during the Saddam era you know and those those people are going to try to get control of that [ __ ] and then there's new people moving in and then there's also the idea that you know the the connection between you know Iraq and uh Afghanistan and all of our resources and what where the [ __ ] is this country going and why do we have a hundred different bases all over the country or over the world it's like you know what are we wasting our time and our resources on is this really necessary anymore or is this just a bunch of people who have contracts and we keep giving them contracts because it's just what we've always done and that's how they you know got involved that's how they keep politicians in office and and then we're stuck because that's what it seems like what it is we're [ __ ] shafir this what they said what Occupy Wall Street finally said they like the problem is if you get sponsored by a big Corporation you know they give you a bunch of money for your campaign they can effectively fire You by withholding that money that you need to get elected again you know say good luck doing this without you know $500 million in your in your in your ad budget this year or however much it is probably a lot more I don't know you need to get those [ __ ] mushrooms yeah right that's what we need to do take to Christmas that's a good answer to a lot of things those [ __ ] on mushrooms I tell to a lot of people it really is true I like when's the last time we did some mushrooms maybe take some sounds like you can use last time I did mushrooms I found something crazy out like I had a huge bag of really good mushrooms and I took half of them and tripped my ass off
hardest I've you know super hard trip of super visuals hang on hold on I want to say this real quick I don't want you get back to your story this is where I realized everybody's like oh the mushrooms I get are super good and everybody says that but they really mean it's mushrooms are super good yeah yeah well well well then and then I uh you ever got bad no well I have the first time the first time I took it had the greatest time second time I ate like 2 hours before and was just like sitting on the couch watching Adventure Time and going wow this is all right but but I took more the second time and it was the same mushrooms and uh the first time I tripped my ass off because I didn't eat anything else the whole day um well it also could be you know I've heard of uh people getting mushrooms actually I heard you of mushrooms you said it had some mold on it and the mold you like food poison pooning that's what's going to happen I think sometimes you get sick from mushrooms and that's usually it because I've never gotten sick from my friend barfed his first time I got a billy goat stomach I can I can eat some [ __ ] I've never barfed but my friend who gave him to me the first time who may used to make him for everybody was said you will get you feel nauseous like you're going to throw up he's like you won't throw up just sit down look up in the air for a while the feeling will pass Fear Factor completely changed my whole ability to withstand smells and and people vomiting how you can handle anything now I'm immune I'm completely immune to getting sick watching someone vomit wow you know because you I used to get I used to physically gag if I smelled puke like when I was a kid you remember you know what it like baby bird I was getting n yeah baby bird was no problem for me man I just sat right through that the wind would shift and you catch a whiff of it yeah it was it was horrendous baby bird if you don't know was the greatest gag in the history of radio day of all time and Ari and I were there uh and Bill Burr and Jimmy Norton and what it was was there was this crazy kid that they had working for Opie and Anthony and his name is Pat Duffy you got to back up tell what B what baby bird is yeah well this is I'm going to I'm going to explain it through this way I'm just
explain this kid and they can get this kid to do anything this kid brushed his teeth with dog [ __ ] he was he was a a maniac he's a [ __ ] Maniac I saw him drink other people's puke I saw him drink a glass full of other dude's pukes dudes threw up there was like some sort of eating contest was a uh eggnog drinking contest yeah but that's this was a different one I'm talking about a different one but I've I've seen him I've seen him do some ridiculous [ __ ] yeah before this okay so we had uh a bunch of there guys there for the egg drinking contest and Pat from munaki is the Ace in the Hole he wins that [ __ ] every year he's got diabetes diabetes shot as soon as he's done with it yeah so he's not supposed to be drinking eggnog in the first place and he's drinking like [ __ ] gallons of it he's a big boy it's a double shot every 60 seconds yeah and he's up to like 70 70 glasses shot start like chucking oh man it's seemed like 78 in some people some people by the way this is nonalcoholic this is just eggnog um some because if he drank like 70 shots he'd be a dead man you know he'd be a dead yeah yeah but um so what was your question when did people start start start boering cuz it like got 70 yeah he got up to like 70 shots I believe it was something insane it was ridiculous and he said he was going to puke and we were trying to figure out what to do with the puke and just as a joke I did not think anybody would say this I said why don't you have this kid lean his head into the into the the garbage pail and have Pat throw up in his mouth I mean I just I came up with the dumbest [ __ ] ever because I I didn't think anybody would say yes and we were un Edibles at the time right probably 99% sure % I always am if I do Opie and Anthony um so so we were you know high as a kite and I never thought anyone was going to such crazy extremes yeah it was ridiculous the dude lay he laid on his back with with the garbage pil and put his put his body into it he was getting a wash before a haircut just all the way back yeah it was one of those big tubs you know nice good siiz Garbage Pail and he leans back and opens his mouth and this guy Pat fromi and it's available online right you can watch it YouTube I had two of the videos online one got taken down because somebody complained
that it was disgusting but there's another one on there can you find it somewhere just find uh we can't play it why can't we play it cuz we don't have that technology at this here you know yeah yeah okay all right um either way at this one we need to set up that technology here huh U but so this this dude I mean just baby bird there pictures I believe there's video too the the amount the volume out of he enveloping the other guy it was insane it was the craziest thing I'd ever seen anybody ever do I mean he's hurling hurling onto this guy's face and it's like a cartoon throw up it doesn't totally doesn't look real you remember pouring out a bucket of water out a window so much much this giant fat man just unloading and you know what I talked to opian Anthony they said they would never be able to do that again what they said you can't do that again Reas insurance reasons tighten actually dangerous [ __ ] yeah it's dangerous [ __ ] yeah it's dangerous we're glass no one died somebody died in uh Sacramento I believe was it Sacramento from water they they were drinking water shots of water see how long you yeah she she she died from overdose of water it's on break.com is it on break.com oh beautiful go check that out folks trust me it's worth it sheer Ridiculousness it's just one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen a person do ever we were there Ari that was so great it was so great you were there right no you weren't there Brian no you put the videos up were sending listening later oh that's right he um wish were there the barfing started like 7 Minutes people would like throw up and they were out and then more he start and then one guy barfed into some uh Froot Loops and started eating it with a spoon oh my God that's [ __ ] that same kid Pat Duff and it just ramped up yeah like it was like that's right you eat his fr of that oh that's right I forgot that part and it was just like building and building and there was so much barf in the air if you want to have uh if you want to be a shock Jun that kid is the greatest intern you could ever hope to hire I mean that that kid's a goddamn
kamakazi if he's still alive if he's alive he's alive he's alive he messaged me on Twitter a while back they kept throwing that stuff in in Roland's face yeah and he would almost barf they kept like showing it to him they EA the FR Loop disgusting this is the picture it's the if you go baby bird OA and do a Google image search it's the first one that pops up oh what an amazing photo it is too come on I want to show this it's just so silly it's so great anyway what were we saying they can't do that anymore there's massive law massive um lawsuits massive uh you know this really what it is basically too much you know they've they've clamped down and they've made sure that there's less probability for getting sued and when there's less probability of getting sued there's also less of probability something [ __ ] crazy happening Supreme Court entertainment just took on the case you would love this of um getting rid of the FCC standards on network television really yeah they said pretty much since 99% of people have cable it's ridiculous anyway Channel 7's okay but Channel 8's not like why yeah um uh yeah and they're hearing it now whether they have to do that anymore they can still find people unfortunately people are going to fight it though there's a lot of like pro- family Pro Christian there a lot money you know like there will be a program that be able to show you if there's nudity God look at that photo my God look at that photo Jesus [ __ ] Christ you can put that picture up you can put that picture up in the is this the only way to do it here uh no no already emailed it to me I could do it okay it's it's showing is that the most ridiculous [ __ ] it's so it looks like he's a spider like breaking it down with his end signs breaking down that other guy it looks a cartoon anyway we'll talk about something else before I get sick godamn yeah you can't do that anymore it was no fun I mean if if you want to have a business though I mean you got to think and when you get involved in something like you know serious look this this gigantic [ __ ] huge company that's worth hundreds of millions of dollars they can't lose everything yeah because you [ __ ] want to drink egg idiot face that's a problem man yeah you know Anthony Kumi is uh his show is now on
iTunes and he's got a video on he has video on iTunes how he doing that I think I don't know but well he's paying for video a video host wow but uh I I tried to do it twice now and then the video wouldn't play like his bandwidth must be [ __ ] or something like that because yeah I would imagine I think he just did it I BR probably doesn't realize how much money he's going to have to pay in bandwidth well people don't realize you have to have a host like if if you put something on iTunes and it it is free you know I mean you you can put your [ __ ] on iTunes but someone has to be downloading it from somewhere and you have to have a host where they down like iTunes is not like storing your stuff and they're not providing bandwidth they're basically providing a link to uh a website a server that you pay for right and what's funny is there's a lot of web host like unfortunately I use dream host which all my life has has been great but I had to switch to uh a cloud computing thing where like uh but it was unlimited bandwidth unlimited storage and and then no I'm on oh good and then and then but what they don't tell you is no wait it doesn't count like unlimited memory of the computer or something like that you know like if there's too many people know then yeah so then you have to raise your bandwidth and it's so [ __ ] the whole thing is a [ __ ] they tell you it's unlimited bandwidth and they tell you yeah but they trick you because then they're like oh yeah it's unlimited all thatb but you know it's uh your memory you know and your computers you know you you got to have more you know they trigger in that so they might buy more more hard drives computer RAM like what do you mean by memory do you mean by data storage space or is it like Ram like Ram pretty much so you buy more RAM yeah and then and then so I like now you're done by Ram but what's [ __ ] is there there's s like dream host I don't I'm sorry I'm going to start bashing you now but uh dream host like will have the thing where you you can search you can search like how uh you have graphs of how much you use how much RAM you use every hour right and so you like I think I'm paying for I forget how many let's just say a thousand uh Ram uh it and I'll be using like 400 most of the time then out of
nowhere my [ __ ] will crash and they're like oh you need to up your even more RAM you got to think though dude you're you're running a lot of traffic no no but but they're saying is that my Ram has doubled in one second and crashes the computer but it doesn't show it on the graph and they're like oh it's just there's spikes I'm like yeah spikes a doubling in one second and you don't have it on your graph oh yeah so then they make you go up more yeah they can't prove it to you for no reason you feel like you got ganked I'm getting ganked every day with this [ __ ] dream H and what's funny is I I've had a website with them for a long ass time and before I was on before I was on cloud computing before when I was just spending like $18 a month I still had a website that got hit a lot you doing all the videos like Carlos Mania videos and all those other videos we used to do all the time my [ __ ] got hit a lot and it never went down it never was like a problem but they get you on these cloud computing now it's just [ __ ] dream host that's all I'm saying weird wow this is a very angry Brian [ __ ] dream host see fired up man science stuff gets passionate about his poor little site you know I feel like he'd be like a lot more comfortable he just had a Wikipedia page P I'm getting beat by a wrestler so you really believe that if you get this Shorty award thing that somehow or another a few admin administers who have contacted me through Wikipedia uh they're just [ __ ] you I want to tell you a story about George SC they don't like you and then once once you get a shorty award they're going to go who the [ __ ] gives a [ __ ] about your shorty award [ __ ] and then you going to be like God damn it work so hard get that shorty award they're making me work for it those Wikipedia [ __ ] got one on Oscar for pattent and said I'm not going to that and just didn't show up cuz what the [ __ ] do I care wow well he was a bad [ __ ] did you ever see the Hustler yeah Geor she Scott was a scary character in The hostle you owe me money a scary dude man this is after he he's saying he's screaming that to Paul Newman after he [ __ ] Paul Newman's girlfriend and forced her to commit suicide and then he said you owe me
money I was like whoa like it hasn't stopped yeah he was he was a scary dude that was a great [ __ ] movie man imagine how good that movie must have been in like what was it like' 64 or something like that it was a really old movie you know imagine how good it was then [ __ ] there's something movies man that just hold up and there's other ones you watch you just go what the [ __ ] like what happened what happened between you know I always got uncomfortable when I saw stuff like that in movies I don't know why it made me like feel extra bad with some girl being like Unfaithful or like really [ __ ] over somebody sexually it always made me feel like oh God that bothers you the most that's way worse than if you're experimenting on homeless people H did you when you were young did you have like a girl that you were really in love with and she she left you for another dude uh-uh you always thought that that was going to happen maybe maybe that's maybe because it didn't happen see to me my I dated a a gang of [ __ ] in a row and I caught a bunch of them banging other dudes and so when that happens it's like it lowers your expectations whatever it's fine happens you know I mean I I realized as I got older that it was mostly my fault and I was attracting the wrong [ __ ] person to my life you know you attract you're attracting someone just likes to [ __ ] and you're like damn it I fell in love well part of it is that and part of it is subconsciously I think you're just trying to attract the wrong person possible subconsciously you don't think you're worthy of anybody any good so you just get these nightmares that you know are never going to last yeah and then you get stuck I love how Dr Jew always says that like do you always date this type of person like no I mean yeah they all hit me but what do you mean there's no correlation right my dad hit me people are [ __ ] strange with patterns man they're strange with getting locked into things you know like I I knew dudes and I never understood this that could not stop going to the track they would go to the racetrack and to them it was their crack man they you know there was guys that didn't even have any money and they would go and hang out with dudes who had money hoping that if the guy won something he would
give them a gapper so they could [ __ ] put it on yeah well that's the gamblers Creed a gapper is you know you know you throw 20 this guy's way he sweats your match you throw 50 his way like it's a big thing in the pool world like say if you know if you are hanging with a bunch of guys and everyone's broke and one guy wins a bunch of money he'll give his friend some money if they're hanging out with him and they sweat his match what do swe his match Che watch yeah watch his match and it's sort of like when you give guys gaers it gets you know spreads a little of the it's it's the right intention it spreads a little of the money around that way one day when you're broke cuz all those yeah all those pool Hustlers all all professional pool players and one point in time we're probably broke or will be broke again it's a tough living you know when you're out there gambling and you're trying to play in tournaments and you can't get rolls and you're trying to make money and you're trying to pay for hotel bills and it's a hard life the the the life of the professional pool player out of all the skill games of the world might be one of the hardest lives they don't make that much money man it's hard it's a hard gig it's hard to put it together there's only a few guys at the very top that like really make money hard gig is so much easier hard gigs easiest but you got to be funny if you're not funny our gig is death yeah if you can't catch a break if you're not supposed to be a comedian our gig is the scariest thing in the world for a lot of people there's a lot of guys who aren't supposed to be comedians that are doing just fun I know isn't that weird yeah it is weird when you're like what we all everyone agrees you're bad it's yeah it's weird how some guys even though they're terrible somehow or another they wound up sticking around long enough to get paid for it occasionally yeah and not a lot but every now and then they'll like get a gig here and a gig there and some people make plenty of money yeah and you're like what the [ __ ] is going on like is it just a making friends thing time lot it's totally a lot of it cuz there's a few people and we know who they are we won't have to say any names here but when they go on stage it's like they're they're doing their best impression of a comedian yeah you know I
I think that's everybody who starts comedy sure but these are like they stay in it they never lose that like let me do the impression yeah yeah you know those where you you work with them on the road somewhere and you're like what the [ __ ] am I seeing yeah but they trick somebody into hiring them somewhere I think there's enough comedians now that they don't ever have to do that anymore it's not necessary there's plenty of us you know there's enough comedians you know you just got to like get in there needs to be a network where people can find where the good ones are I sense of resurgence I I think comedy coming back all this junk is helping a lot people get to know people way easier yeah yeah podcasts help for sure they're like oh these comedians are like cool thing they're all sort of talking and stuff and yeah having having the podcast and having people come to the shows because of the podcast but I think even beside outside of the podcast like like Louis CK you know his uh the situation where he's selling his things online I think that that gives a big Resurgence to it too people hear the story excited about it I just remember when the Last Comic Standing started The Comedy Store numbers went way up yeah just CU everyone had remembered like oh yeah comedy comedy is [ __ ] great man so great it's such a great night yeah as a fan you know before I was ever a comedian man that was my favorite thing to do yeah I would never pay a lot extra for it on New Year's cuz I've seen it too or anything like that like it's just a good fun date yeah yeah especially you know if people in town whatever yeah we we've gone on the road and I I have a couple of times and I'm in town when someone I like is playing somewhere and then I go see them and I can actually sit and watch like a tell man yeah when when I get high at the store Sebastian is so goddamn funny really he's so [ __ ] funny yeah it's just so fun to watch I was like yeah somebody made a date out of this yeah yeah it's um it's a cool art for man I I love watching it just as much as I love doing it yeah we're lucky as [ __ ] man I watched Ice Road Truckers the other day that's way harder it's way harder imagine being an Ice Road Trucker imagine that I know the worst job this
is the worst job what's the worst job uh Tiana hookers cost used to cost $72 and it's the breakdown was SE UH 60 for the girl which she splits up with the pimp however I'm not sure uh 11 for the room and one for the cleanup guy who that's the worst job whoa $1 clean up jizz spots and and probably over and over and over again not just jiz yeah Tiana people just [ __ ] all over everybody everything's going on down there during the day they're still at full capacity in business it's really crazy how close that is to San Diego everybody used to do that as their trip but could you imagine man being a person who lives in Tijuana and just knowing that San Diego is right there and right there there's white people with $7 million houses on the beach and they're drinking margaritas and talking about their pedicure lady gross Border Town you're in a house made out of cardboard it's just 20 minutes away you can drive to their house in 20 minutes that's insane how weird is that how weird is it that there's a third world and the peak of the First World San Diego is a pretty goddamn nice city neighbor beautiful yeah there's one neighborhood there's one Island I forget what the island is it's off of San Diego it's like a little very small and very exclusive Island where it's one of the richest pieces of real estate in the country that's where Donald Rumsfeld no Catalina is off of this area it's like Santa Monica this one is off it's a small Okay jump between this and I forget what it's called super Elite super wealthy people like ridiculous stupid [ __ ] Mansions you know $20 million properties [ __ ] like that and that's like a drive to Mexico man it's so bizarre and I guess I don't know I mean I guess the Mexicans if they want to can get in a boat and just sneak up and get there really quick just pull into their neighborhood with a boat they come to get you for real man you could be like hardcore Mexican you know gang bangers they have some castles there hardcore Mexican drug dealers and just getting a boat just get in a boat and figure out a way to just do it by cover of night they kill people that going to rehub there do they really they're like I said don't get off the sauce what yeah really where in in to all the Border
towns like how you said that too don't get off the sauce look you're a 1940s movie Bad Guy see the [ __ ] was that don't get off the sauce see you listen to me see watching an old movies is like watching a movie from another country I've been watching some old movies lately I saw Billy Madison not so old but that's Billy pretty recent like 20 years ago we're talking about like Clark Gable type [ __ ] you're talking about Billy Madison I'm talking about watching some stuff from watch some stuff from like the 40s and 50s I love it I'm addicted language I I love looking at that old [ __ ] so weird yeah what you what have you ever seen that's good uh I just watched um how green was myy that's a great with the the one with Clark Gable uh Gone With the Wind oh yeah I think we talked about that yeah but it was just weird like the slavery aspects in that and stuff like that yeah that's what was going down back then H there was something else I just watched the other day [ __ ] have you ever seen who's Afraid of Virginia wolf no a um Elizabeth um what the [ __ ] her name the [ __ ] who got married 100,000 times elab Taylor tlor Elizabeth Taylor Elizabeth Taylor when she was hot as [ __ ] my god when she was young my God that woman was hot that's why we still talk about her she was hot I don't know if she's still alive you know I don't know but she's you know she's getting old there she's married a couple gay guys along the way it got got weird for a while poor lady when she was young though man woo God damn I mean it falls apart for everybody but yeah I think for her it was you used to have such a great saying did you ever Color Purple everybody hits the wall yeah you're like in 800 billion years of development theall wall undefeated the Wall's 6 billion and o no one's ever beaten the wall Wall's coming [ __ ] it's coming for you too did you ever see the color purple yes think I see the what you know what I might not have oh yeah I've seen that I was really stunned and watch it like Oprah and it was like really weird slavery sexual slavery [ __ ] in it was weird well that was a big part of slavery so weird big part of slavery was the the master coming down and and banging the slaves Danny Glover that was that was legit man
they used to have children with I couldn't watch it yeah but that's what it was about I couldn't watch it it was just too too creepy could you imagine Color Purple was right after slavery you thought what was Color Purple I don't know I'm pretty sure I didn't actually say it it's one of those that I always intend on seeing but I never get around to it yeah but I I think it was like super common for the slave owners to have sex with their slaves oh yeah Benjamin Franklin right you have a ton of grandkids that way I wonder how many of the male slaves had sex with the the women cuz that must have been going on too where women were ignored and you know they got the male slaves to bang them God the punishment for that was just clearly death I wonder is it worth it I wonder I wonder if you're allowed to there must have been those stories of having H like the she gets pregnant she who did it yeah I mean it has to have happened listen man as long as there's dudes slinging dick there's chicks jumping on as long as have been black people they have been attracted to white women yep and as long as theyve been white women they've been attracted to black dicks yeah it's like grow my weed and smoke my dick to the slave that's what she would say no that's what you would say to your your slave grow my weed and suck my dick smoke my dick and smoke my dick okay Brian sometimes write these down and go over them and go is this worth interjecting in there grow my weed and you're like damn it that wasn't good it all comes from a good place we have to remember that talking I was you guys were talking about slaves right [ __ ] your slaves yes I get you and I just said I wasn't doing a bit I just he was trying to J bu it's okay buddy we're just trying to keep the conversation moving I'm not trying to be harsh I'm going to be in Minneapolis what are you doing at the end of um you doing Acme Rick brunson's House of Comedy oh what is that is that a new place yeah he owns a place in Edmonton too com STP I love Minneapolis but I can't fade that [ __ ] wintertime son it's a Mall of America I might never have to leave so you go you fly into the mall no I W have to go from the flight somehow or you're going to be outside you're going to you're going to have to be in that tube I hate the winter every buing I'm like
they're like what do you got in February like what do you got in April it's cold as [ __ ] yeah it's like it gets like zero that's what I'm going to Thursday and it's going to start snowing Thursday Ohio yeah right now it's 50 but supposedly there's just like this sleep and freezing rain and snowstorm [ __ ] going the day I planned I I hit freezing rain once in Ohio did a 360 on the highway really yep with me and Chris Maguire 360 flipped all the way y all the way around missed the guard rail missed everything just kept driving my dad used to he was driving over the bridge you know how you you go over Bridges and bridges are the place where black eyes forms yeah yeah cuz actually the wind coming over there freezes it so how about that a 360 on a bridge and did what did you hit nothing wow yeah spun around that must be God right yep yeah that must be word why isn't it God Ari [ __ ] maybe it's the secret maybe you BL the not make that go maybe you engineered it so my dad used had this giant Suburban the old style Suburbans oh those are great he got like a second and third motor in it he just kept it going but he would see people start to skid like like in the in the snow and like come at him like a you know 10 miles an hour just like that he's just like here we go yeah pum he was like let's just get some cash yeah he's just driv like let's just do this off the books oh that's what he do serious never fix [ __ ] it's going to be about looks like $800 in damage right let's go let's do this and they would give him 800 bucks how many people hit him it happened like every other some so what would you do would you just go out when it's snowing and try to make some money we wouldn't try but if you saw there was this one stop r a university and when you cut through University in or Cola it would be like it was just downhill and super and it was like people would start to go there and then just couldn't stop it cover with snow and if you're at the bottom of the hill like they're coming right at you nothing you can do I lived on a street that uh completely froze and became a hockey rink and me and my girlfriend's or my uh rather my sister's boyfriend sat on uh the roof and uh watched we drank beers and watched cars
crash watch Cars slide down the hill those videos online watch we called the cops we called the cops the cops cops [ __ ] did the same thing they did the same thing we told them we saw the first car Slide by the house and we were like what the [ __ ] and I go dude I think the street is ice now and so we uh we opened up the door and looked and it looked like ice I'm like it looks wet for sure and I got up to him I'm like [ __ ] it's ice of ice the whole the whole street and we were on a hill so the whole street is just a sheet of ice and one after another cars just came down and boom hit the curb and went flying off into the [ __ ] Woods I love it over over and over and over this happened so we called the cops immediately so the cops came down same thing bang the cops bounc off the curb Boom the cops slam into the other cars everybody yeah they were piling into each other and all the cars were parked on the side of the street yeah they were all stuck they were all stuck and jammed and [ __ ] up like some of them were in like little ditches and some of them were like in the woods where the bushes were and [ __ ] and they just kept coming yeah some people got through it some people had some good skills some people just slid with it and and kind of like uh and and straight out control yeah they managed to come down the hill not too crazy oh that makes it more exciting you never know what's going to happen yeah well I think the real the people that really [ __ ] up they [ __ ] up because they came down the hill like they were driving they wanted D yeah and then all a sudden oh [ __ ] so if you're going 40 50 m hour whatever the hell you were and then you hit that ice that's that's it [ __ ] bets on like what the next car is going to do it makes you think man [ __ ] living anywhere where it's that cold we were talking about this before the show um that uh there's a um icebound um fuel tanker in uh Alaska it's stuck yeah the before the ocean yeah the ocean's Frozen around this [ __ ] boat and so they got to send a coast guard ice cutter wow so the ice cutter is breaking the ice around this Russian tanker this Russian tanker is just stuck there in a just gigantic skating rink that's the ocean and it's just creeping around pressing against the hall could
you imagine the trillions of pounds of iar sound it would be so scary oh my God you're thinking it's going to pop the whole thing's going to pop and I'm going to die I'm going to die right here on the top of this [ __ ] Frozen [ __ ] there was an episode from a frozen tanker really yeah they are frozen in and then some virus was out too to kill them [ __ ] that they were turning old at a at a super quick rate oh with the virus that's what it was yeah and so they had to drink regular water the only water they had was infected and so it would make them turn old and they couldn't get any they were frozen in there was nothing what they do they got rescued right before they died of old age and then they got sent back to the regular age oh they get sent back to the regular age how convenient yeah well they they him W the water or S that's all it took oh we just need to get him saline we can reverse this [ __ ] stupid plot who wrote that how dare you whoever you are that was at the end of the X Files when they were basically just phoning in I'm trying to think when that was I don't know maybe yeah it was like this is do they were out there though to find something I don't know why they were out there there comes a time when some people just phoned in yeah certain amount of Seasons L we're done trying yeah that's why athletes always postdate their giant contracts cuz like I might get another contract I'm I'm done working and I'm going to make 30 million 40 million they get like more money as as the contract goes 10e contract so you're making like three times as much in the 10th year as you are in the first year oh really yeah but that's when you're going to be way worse sure unless you're some crazy person that's completely dedicated to always being the best ever yeah you know how bad did Michael Jordan fall off before he quit he didn't he didn't when he quit the first time he was MVP level no not when he quit to play baseball when he quit quit quit quit um when he came back he wasn't quite as good yeah he came back after that that's right yeah he was bad then he said he really hurt the Wizards the bullets really because everyone would sort of stand around and watch him Jordan's time so everyone else got
worse oh that's crazy that's funny so they got to give him the ball so much like Jerry stack out and people had to like watch him play like he's got to be our first option I used to be now I'm the second so I guess I'm just not as into it really yeah that's fascinating HT the Wizards cuz they could have been like a they gotten a one or two pick but instead he just came so they end up getting like that eight or nine pick so how long did he play with them for I think a year maybe two so that was it he took off the time for baseball like one year you take for baseball maybe two maybe one I'm not sure I wonder what that you wanted to be like well my dad saw my last game his dad got murdered oh yeah Remember by the side of the road in North Carolina what the [ __ ] yeah and then he was going to buy the [ __ ] Hornets when they were still in Charlotte but the owner got super jewy and greedy about it and he was like if you buy it it'll be worth more so I don't want money what yeah Michael Jordan owned franchise would it be worth more so you got to pay more than this place is worth what kind of ridiculous [ __ ] logic is that then he lost it people are funny that way you hear some ridiculous claims people want want you know people that want things sometimes it just makes you just go what yeah that's a pretty ridiculous one yeah what's it worth he brings that money to anyone then some people are just unreasonable [ __ ] yeah you see David Cross on con O'Brien last night no what do you do is David Cross Jewish um yeah uh he he was hilarious man he he was promoting one of the movies he did was Chipmunks 2's pretty out there atheist though yeah yeah he was promoting Chipmunks too and he was just like bashing like don't [ __ ] go see this movie and one of the producers like calling out a producer he even called her out as being a female he didn't even say her name yeah and he goes you know blah blah blah he just went off and then he started saying you know what she has all the qualities of why people when they say they they hate Jewish people or something like that or like like like it was like so uncomfortable and even Conan you could tell they edited something right out of there CU it was like one of those weird cuts where it's like oh
let's talk about this other show you know holy [ __ ] it was weird I think you can watch it probably on whatever David Cross does not strike me as an angry guy he was upset at I just ran into him at the airport the other day he was super Pleasant oh no no it he just seemed like he was pissed off at somebody I know but but I mean that's what I'm saying I'm saying if someone got him that riled up that he would be angry on Conan he was just doing it to um separate himself from the fact that he's doing chip chre when he used to like mock all movies like that he even said he said the movie that's what he's doing he said even the movie is a giant commercial for whatever that that that uh boat company is that they used in the movie uh boaty uh what's one of the cruise ships yeah it's like one of the cruise ships he's like it's just a big [ __ ] commercial for them anyways and and he just started going off on the movie to that point where he's saying the movie is just [ __ ] and it's just a commercial that much worse in the first Chipmunks that he also did it was beautiful it was so much worse that he couldn't see it coming from the first one saw he chose to take the money but just like [ __ ] on it afterwards well well if it's funny if is he [ __ ] on it and being funny is he just joking around I don't know call it up sure it's there F that yeah if it was on last night I'm sure I I read a thing on his website where he had to defend himself when he was doing it the first time that all these hipsters were angry at him for doing the Chipmunks movie that Men In Black they were mad at him for that defend himself who do you care he's doing a little kids movie who gives a [ __ ] yeah but that whole scene that whole scene used to [ __ ] on like Tim Allen for doing like the Santa Claus you're like it's a [ __ ] kides whole scene is a bunch of bullies who were picked on when they were younger and they became bullies there's not all I shouldn't say the whole scene it's not the whole scene that alternative scene there's it's part of the alternative scene is the pointing fingers at people and talking down about people and the [ __ ] on people you know look there's a lot of people that are nice people and I don't like their acts but they're nice and I like seeing them there's a lot of people that I like seeing name seven I
can't I can name a few but I wouldn't do it on the air there wouldn't be seven but there might be four there might be five oh there's plenty of people you don't like's a lot of people but a lot of those people you don't like at all yeah well they just you know there's annoying people but the the point is there's there's a certain uh in and it Club you know being a part of it that Al that scene the alternative scene and there's it's a very judgmental and sort of like a [ __ ] little scene you know not I don't want to generalize completely but the the idea that I always got was that they were like the dorks in high school powerful and now they're powerful they took the power but you they're they're turning on other people the same way people turned on them in high school it's not as bad as that now it's way better but yeah it seemed like totally A vibe of that b b Cher told me a horrible Story Once about uh a bunch of alternative guys being mean to him and I was like you know like it's it's so stupid you know when when you see someone that you it's just homm it's just like our thing just like saying Brooklyn is the best or Stockton's the best and it's like it's clearly not well you know there's a but it's just like saying our thing is the people we haveen to run into are the best comics in the world it's like and not other people that you randomly didn't run into I think it's also a thing where people want confirmation that they're on the right track way sh people you make your team the most powerful team yeah yeah what is that man like people want you to be on their [ __ ] your your cell phone provider get mad if you're not come on man you still with AT&T bro I thought you smarter than that thought you smarter than that cuz you want to be a 100% right in all your choices yeah right and just like no in my neighborhood Verizon's not good in yours it is difference it's really like a religious thing too it's all the same [ __ ] we're [ __ ] we're stupid we're stupid monkey not supposed to have this kind of power shafir that's the real issue whatever they want we're still supposed to be figuring out Consciousness we're not supposed to be working on nuclear bombs at this stage you know we're way ahead
of ourselves technologically right Brian mhm what are you looking at Brian I'm trying to get this clip for you this been the silence attack you're watching something have to watch [ __ ] commercials yeah that's just how it goes now you can't watch a YouTube clip anymore you got to watch some 30 seconds of [ __ ] first very very annoying yeah God damn it and this is five minutes this was five minutes of commercials what yeah it's on team Coco's website wait a minute you have five minutes of commercials before you can watch no no you get to watch like the first like 40 20 minutes or something like that and then they make you watch like a 5 minute commercial break so they make you do it they do it just like it's TV TV wow you can't find there's no YouTube clips of that or Hulu from well I I just have a feeling that the ones I will find will cut off before it's I I mean at least at least this is sort of some sort of an alternative for them to be able to advertise on uh videos and you know and promote these videos getting out there I mean if you all you have to do is watch some 30 seconds clip here or there they do on South Park Studios too in between breaks do they like every once in a while they play a 30 second commercial not much though and they have the kids cursing so it's way better so Brian did you find it online anywhere other than the Team Coco website no I heard that uh that show is not doing very well ratings wise oh yeah everyone's saying that let's people weren't watching it after people loved Conan O'Brien when he was on NBC in that time slot and for whatever reason why can't they follow him was why isn't it the same amount of people following I think some I guess you can DVR but I feel like those people were I don't know people liked liking him they like the idea of liking Conan but you would think you but they didn't really watch when he was on earlier H really I mean they didn't watch you can blame on the lead in all you want but those people W the people weren't watching all my friends like that's way better I'm like when's the last time you watched it it is it is a weird thing that they had they when they did that Jay Leno thing when they had the J Leno show at 10: then they had Tonight Show at 11 that was wonky huh that was that was a silly
idea got everybody talking about here it is okay so it doesn't it doesn't it just in your professionally worst thing that ever happened to you yeah it's um it was just it was a miserable experience because of being in the movie I just um I had a I was forced at legal Point uh to spend a week on a cruise ship and I know you and your family love going on cruises and that's all we do I know I know I know so I'm not trying talking about never been on a cruise in my life no Conan stop it it's me all right yes let's just say I love going on Cru Disney fun time cruise and uh you know um so far sounds fine it's now how could they legally why would they legally want to make you be on a cruise ship explain that I don't know I don't no it was terrible it was there was no reason for me to be there if you if you see the movie and don't uh um it was and I mean uh first of all Chipwrecked it's a pun you know kids 5-year-olds love puns they love it they love word play and uh and it it's a big commercial for uh Carnival Cruise Lines is the whole entire movie yes and um and they thought won't it be fun to get David on there and uh and the scenes I'm uh that take place on the cruise ship uh I am always in a pelican mascot foam rubber outfit where you cannot see any of my flesh nor do I have any dialogue well wait if that's the case uh I'm sure you said to them get a stand in get someone else to be in the foam rubber costume and and take them away on a on a cruise for a week yes um I I tried that line of logic and uh reason um but there was one producer who everybody else had my back and the director was like oh we don't that's fine we don't need them and I'm in the middle of Todd Margaret too I was in London and and uh and uh and they're like no you have to go or was more like and um and there was this one producer and I won't say but uh she is the personification of what people think about when they think negatively about Jews so to give you you know when when when people Contour up um no no I don't uh let's talk about your show the increasingly poor decisions of Todd
Margaret very funny show you I'm sure you enjoy and then there was a cut where even Conan's arm like moved a little bit I didn't see the cut but I definitely saw him pretty uncomfortable see the cut no I don't care um yeah wow that was uh strong words but I wonder if he's like really good friends with a girl and he's just [ __ ] around it could be that he was like it could be that he was like good friends with her and that was just a joke bashing a movie that just was released that that that person's producing I doubt it he was he bashing the movie he said don't see the movie and then he said it's just a big commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines right well did they make him do the movie is that what happened it was he contractually obligated to do the second film don't know I think he was just pissed about being on that boat for for a week yeah that was the bit yeah yeah I mean I I don't know it didn't offend me didn't seem so bad at all yeah I mean the movie is what the movie is if you're go like don't say it it's for 5-year-olds yeah he's a [ __ ] comic it's not for him he did a job and it's not it's not his gig you know I'm just saying it was funny yeah no it was well he's funny David Cross is [ __ ] hilarious um but yeah it probably sucks to be him and be one those movies and take all that hipster [ __ ] those hipsters are probably like super mad at him they were dude you [ __ ] totally sold out and thing with that with that restaurant show no what oh you got to look at it what is it he went off on a Heckler and then somebody like to where I don't know it got weird and some some comic that was there wrote about it just saying how it was so [ __ ] weird oh I did hear about that he was trying out some new material and someone was filming him yeah yeah and he asked the lady to stop filming him because he didn't want it to get on the internet which is you know valid especially because he was doing a free show yeah just the bashing afterwards who he bashed people what did he say I just calling her fat and ugly oh I didn't know that yeah oh wow I don't know so you know it got uncomfortable which is fine how bad was it did you see it no my friend did he was there and he was like yeah it was super uncomfortable he just you you've
got you've done it before where it's like I went too harsh on this girl you know it's we're not 100% we're guessing like where's the line right now well not only that you could be you could be angry your comp your girlfriend just said something that makes you [ __ ] mad at women or it could be the just the seventh day in a row where you've been hackled yeah you can't get through your [ __ ] who knows what was it just a woman holding up the camera or was someone one girl she said she just had her thing she said I'll sorry I'll delete it he's saying what you didn't see was her you have to look at it what she saying he responded to this comic said you were fine that was well written your funny comic some new girl uhhuh and he goes but you didn't see us when I asked her shut up her roll her eyes and and mouth [ __ ] to her friends well you know I I see his point of view but I see her my buddy was there and she go he goes yeah I saw her D that that was after he was ripping into her like after she said I'm so sorry I'll turn it off well who knows I mean we're just commenting you have to be there but I was talking about last night it was like why what what why do some people not able to just say like oh yeah yeah it wasn't that wasn't the best well some people never want to be wrong and some people are really young it's okay yeah well it could be who knows who knows we'd have to he him talk about it and them talk I mean yeah we would have to actually see a video to [ __ ] tell the truth really to be able to decipher for ourselves yeah I don't really kind to get into it care no don't care at all did you uh see what happened with Stan hope the kid uh stole his [ __ ] and was like literally verbatim putting Stan hope bits on his blog as if he's this [ __ ] you know just H in front of like a camera no wrote it wrote it you know written little articles as in his blog entries what did St do oh my God St hope went went after him with the power of Thor Stan hope went on to his uh his Facebook page and posted in every photo on his Facebook page you're a fraud you know like little jokes about him being a fraud Stan hope uh put it up on Twitter so of course the Swarms of human beings who went to this guy's website and the
guy had comments up on his website and his comments were just filled with people saying you ripping off Doug stanh hope you [ __ ] hack you this you that and just torturing this poor guy and and Stan hope did it for hours for hours he just had people just [ __ ] just going after this poor [ __ ] and the guy apparently is a comic you know he just tries to tries to be Mr cool guy and and and he's a comic too yeah he tried to be Mr cool guy and steal Doug Stan Hope's material and pass it off as his own so so he's just getting tortured oh my God he's done he had to pull his Facebook the next day his Facebook and his blog were both down screenshots of it all and there's a Facebook page all about it I forget the name of the Facebook page where it shows what like you know like the that Stan hope wrote on each photo yeah Stan hope wrote some funny [ __ ] about he his was his dad I wonder how sad his father would be if he knew his son was a fraud it's just I mean Stan Hope just kept going after the guy but the you know the guy is like so [ __ ] like the way he did it was so dumb just copied a famous comedian's work that's what you're going to do you know you want to come off as like a guy who really mean did you think that somehow or another no one be okay it's okay because people were reading it instead of time in college for to pass grade just to pass I was like I don't want to do this work you just copy someone else's work they can't do that anymore no cuz if you have a file there's programs now that they can run that file through and It'll recognize plagiarism but I wasn't trying to say like like I didn't want any recognition for what I've done I didn't want to of course you just wanted to get out of your situation you're just forcing spot there's software now to to just wow yeah there's software online software duplicates of your work online cool I didn't know teachers had that yeah oh you're [ __ ] now my buddy John Wilbur my my brother-in-law now I guess actually brother-in-law's brother but uh he copied word for word out of Cliff Notes one day and uh the teacher was like you copied this I'm c i can the same exact paragraph there's not a word changed he just stuck to his story he
was like nope no sure didn't no I made that up wow she goes this entire paragraph there's not a word changed well you know uh if he's if he's that confident and nope I don't trouble what kind of a teacher is that it was it was one of the non-jewish teachers we bust in oh one of the non-jewish teachers like they couldn't hang I think eventually she was like fine whatever was it like just they couldn't deal with the Jewish me what was it probably like look at this brat he refuses to admit it fine I don't give a [ __ ] then [ __ ] copy for the rest of your life but the Jewish teachers would come down on you for [ __ ] like that is that why you said non-jewish yeah like the non Jewish teachers were easier more than non-jewish ones we just didn't respect really yeah they just didn't have our how come we could run over them I don't know I was think about this lately there was some teachers you all agreed we're not going to respect you really and year after year everyone makes the same agreement nobody talks about itow and there's some teachers like you don't [ __ ] with Rie crack hour yeah what is that man what is it that some kids just like certain teachers and everybody gets along great I don't know it might be like hidden like non-verbal cues you're giving out or you know I have no idea there's weak teachers and there's strong teachers yeah they all the same curriculum to teach what that has got to be the biggest [ __ ] problem with this country it's got to be the biggest problem is how kids go to school the education system you know coming out of it with your [ __ ] head together yeah trying to decipher all the nonsense stupidity and [ __ ] programming and and the idea that you know no one ever gets pushed into our field no one ever no one ever says you know what Ari you're always cracking jokes in class you're a funny guy you obviously need attention have you thought about going to an open mic night no one's ever said that to you have you thought about maybe being a stand-up comedian yeah no you have to get some job somewhere yeah you have job stupid even when you were doing it for a little while they're still like come on how much longer the preparation for a [ __ ] existence that's the worst part about it man the worst part about it is it kind
of breaks your soul when you go through [ __ ] boring classes in school it breaks your soul for the idea that you're prepares you for the idea that you're always going to have to do this I had a teacher he taught modern American lit um and his deal was this he goes you will never have to know anything about what Joseph Conrad wrote what you were learning here with the Bachelor of Arts is how to get reports done on time whoa cuz that's it that's all you're learning Jesus you're not going to have to apply any of this Fitzgerald when is that going to come in your regular life never you're going have to learn when I say 9:00 on Tuesday have it on my desk that's all they're preparing ing you for I think he's right I'm really large degree yeah he is right for sure I mean that is what ultimately it is the this the the that's what's getting measured you know yeah yeah you can't measure how much you're learning you measure how much how well you're doing on tests and how much you know effort you're putting into your your paper why are there measurements it's supposed to be just going learn people are lazy as [ __ ] we want to make sure you're doing your work and not only that it's not just about educating people it's about educating people and preparing them for work you know because really what it's all about and there's there's a certain amount of discipline that you're just not going to have how would you be able to get like a creative kid and nurture him from the start [ __ ] hard man the school's are real I mean they know they have art right well you know we got we boxed ourselves into a bad situation as a species as a race as a as a civilization because we need a lot of people doing [ __ ] that sucks oh yeah it's not like as a child like you're groomed into a world of happiness and and prosperity and fulfillment and no there's a lot there's a maze and there's a [ __ ] million pitfalls and million jobs that you can get into that are not going to be satisfying to you you have to figure your way through those we need people we need someone we need or machines you ever meet somebody and when you're trying to explain to them why they're wrong or misguided you realize you're so stupid I don't I have to rethink how I'm going to express this to you well down some people just don't have enough
information in their head and they you know their their view of the world is very limited I've met very few stupid people I've met a lot of un I shouldn't say I've met very few I've met a lot but much more more people are uninspired than are stupid there's definitely stupid people though they must be like explaining stuff to your kid no because kids get things man kids get things they don't have refusal to get anything no kids get things and they bring it up the next day they have questions about it the next day like they're they're pondering an idea the the kid it's not yeah they don't have any prior programming that you have to [ __ ] with the real problem is a person who grew their whole life and and and and their mind developed in some ridiculous way yeah and just got stuck in that way like you know like you get some poor guy who's a [ __ ] fundamentalist Christian one of those crazy speaking in tongues guys you know and at 40 years old he's just sarting to Branch out on his own and Escape his his former I mean what are their guys lost yeah what are his chances good luck being able to do it good luck way yeah you if you but if you got that guy when he was a baby and and brought him up in a reasonable household where people were logical and loving and you know and kind of like gave him a sort of a a helpful boost but let them know hey man this is a crazy world and nobody understands it stick close to the people you love and uh enjoy yourself if you can yeah this is what they say with autistic kids like the earlier you get them the more normalized you can make them really yeah but you got to get them before they set in patterns there's something to do with with autistic kids and um you know whatever it is that's causing that and there has to be I mean it's a very unpopular opinion but there has to be something to do with artistic kids in the next stage of human evolution what do you mean has to be because there's so many people that are Sant so many people that have autism or that'll lead to a jump in development or something I I think what they're experiencing what these people are experiencing for whatever reason because of their disease um what you know and not not all of them can do this but the few that can there's so many of them there's so many Super Genius autistic
kids I mean there's there's a million videos you can look at them I'm exaggerating obviously but there's a lot of videos you can go online and there's the one kid that we talked about that can look out the window of a plane and draw the exact scene perfectly I mean he can just memorize things there's there's people that can do very very complex mathematics at a really young age there's a a kid that's uh he's got something like Asbergers or something and he's this incredible composer he's composed like five Symphonies and he's like 11 years old or something nuts problem is this this guy Asbergers hangs out the store and all he does is make it socially uncomfortable for everyone well maybe no one ever put a [ __ ] pair of drumsticks in that kid's hand you know maybe you get that [ __ ] on a drum SK but I I I when you see something that's hyper human yeah and it's it's also attached to a disease you know like we develop webbing for in Wilder world right stting to and [ __ ] moving forward yeah I mean I wonder I wonder what it is but when when you see people capable of incredible Feats and they also have this incredible emotional and and psychological impairment you know this inability to communicate and connect with people or or whatever it is that they have whatever you know personal Kink they have but to also have this superow that's it's amazing man it's amazing when you watch those shows like whenever they have like an A&E show or something when they feature a bunch of people who can do like ridiculous [ __ ] you know there's there's some people that literally are another thing they're like they have a little bit of the new thing in them you know and I wonder how many more of them we have now than just a hundred years ago you know I wonder how many more people are born I mean there's obviously like super Geniuses always there's always been guys like Tesla you know and and stepen Hawking and and and dudes of that nature he's still alive yeah it's crazy isn't it yeah people yeah it [ __ ] him up not like it came out feeling fine yeah but like he's still alive amazing he's alive and and making computations with his fingers you why is he doing that I have no idea God when I heard about Patrice not being able to talk before he went it was like oh that's hit that's who he is
that's everything I know about him it revolves on his mouth yeah that's horrible this guy's figured out a way to do something wow keep it going to keep it going he you ever seen his fingers move he moves and he clicks on this thing and he can kind of moves and chooses words from the screen it's really amazing it's amazing all that junk for himself I don't know that's a good question I don't know I don't think so oh I don't know still amazing yeah I don't want to I don't want to downplay the theing I wonder what keeps a dude like that moving on cuz there has to be some form of enjoyment for him as well he must be enjoying yeah something about yeah his his science career you know one of your clear like biological imperatives is to continue life yeah so he's like have to have some reason to do that stay alive yeah he must he must be a fulfillment out of it finding out new [ __ ] or writing a book just like anybody yeah what a strange situation man to be trapped in in your body like that and doing computations with your fingers on this thing click click click click click click click click who phone is uh next to the computer cuz the thing keeps going is that your phone Brian mine's way over here mine's over yeah next to your computer right yeah it's not the computer though has nothing to do with the sound you sure yeah well doesn't sound come through that computer yeah but it's completely muted it's completely muted I don't think it has to do with this the mute I think it's the electricity oh yeah the electricity it does that in radio sometimes yeah it's not the matter of the computer being muted it is because you have the phone next to the computer it's like picking up a signal yeah yeah it's not a mute thing it's not like it's coming through like a like a sound they say that when you're shooting sometimes they like turns your phones off not on mute off we're getting feedback yeah it goes it'll do it in your car sometimes too there's if you leave it right near your stereo if you have like a hole underneath your stereo for where your CDs go or something you leave it there it'll it's real close it'll it'll F through how [ __ ] is that man how [ __ ] is this some signal that's having a war inside your car they're they're battling for dominance and meanwhile
these are all bouncing around and that's the reason they tell you to turn your phones off on the plane is that it I think so cuz and if everyone's doing it can really come through makes sense phones make sense you know or what doesn't make sense like iPods that doesn't make sense that seems silly but you know what whatever I think it's an it's an exercise in getting people to pay attention to rules it's just like moving your seat back people think that it's just to get you ready for the for the well otherwise how do how do three older women control an entire Plane full of people it's like listen I want to fall asleep now I don't want to turn it back on I'm going to listen to music the whole time can I just fall asleep with it in can't you're going to kill us all I got caught one was it that easy to kill people if all you had to do is like keep an iPod on and the plane would fall out of the [ __ ] Sky one of the holzman's old jokes that's what happened to the space shutter space shuttle oh some Jewish couple in the back had the tray table down for the kosha meal and now you can't take off with the kosha meal tray down yeah it's a weird thing that you could actually even tell people that if you had your phone on it could be in danger like what fix that yeah got it done fix that you know those a380s there's an article today I think I retweeted it those uh a uh a380s are showing cracks on the wings really yeah those ones were built how long ago yeah I'll tell you right now well there's apparently there's uh one of them was a quantis jet and uh two other ones were you yeah with you oh that's right yeah we were Australia yeah world's biggest super jumbo Jets must be grounded say Engineers after cracks are found in the wings of three Airbus A380 cracks are some of the worst things you can find in a w um yeah I would say two Singapore Air super jumbos and one quantis both Airlines admit the cracks but say the planes are safe what pretty much this is our quote bro Rel God are you out of your mind this is amazing those are huge [ __ ] planes when Ari and I flew in it it's like flying in a giant apartment building that's weird we there was like we sat in the front and
there was a a second floor we could like go upstairs to the bar so there's actually a bar that you can sit at like a real bar bar there was a bar that's cool yeah there was a bar and they had like magazines out and [ __ ] and they would just serve you food or drink whatever you wanted the entire time you're there it was it was ridiculous it's the the the the thing that you get in first class is like it's like an apartment it's huge it's enormous it spins your seat spins like it goes straight if you want to lie down or you turn it sideways and it can be like a lazy boy and then you have this big ass flat screen TV in front of you I mean it's ridiculous the the food is really [ __ ] good it's like most airline food sucks but like like quantis first class [ __ ] good meals man it's yummy food and you're 30,000 ft above the ocean hurling through the sky in a metal tube it ain't like Southwest menu the eight course tasting menu that's what they had it was so delicious [ __ ] great man you get pajamas yeah you get pajamas and toothpaste and [ __ ] I jerked off on the plane did you really yeah here's what you got to do cuz the podt is not completely enclosed so if if any people listening you don't turn your body towards um away I mean from the from the opening you have to turn towards it cuz you're always worried like somebody might be coming up to turn so you can see him come through the netting right because they could see you down there beating off if you were beating off but I I put my head by where my dick would be and I looked at the lady behind like who could get an angle at it she was asleep right so I was like okay how much time do you think you took probably probably it was probably a little longer probably like two two full minutes two full minutes you Furious or you just no no that's why coming stop yeah real gentle but you base up on the left hand and jerk it on with the right that's what you were doing yeah cuz I was on the right side of the plane that's probably good for your core as well support yourself in that way well just so you don't yeah fall over and then would you shoot it into your pajama tops no uh I shot it into the um the you know those slipper socks they give you yeah I turned one of those inside out and shot it into
it and then uh I was forced like a peasant to use my regular socks for the rest once with Melanie Griffith we were flying to England she was sitting right in front of me and there was a dude who was right beside her and you know how when planes in the first class cabins that their their seats don't line up like everyone's not head to toe they're kind of staggered because they're these big ass pods well the way it was staggered was Melanie Griffith head lined up directly with this fat guy's ass it was right across the aisle no more than a couple feet away her head directly lined up with his ass and he unloaded this dude unloaded in the middle of the flight one of the most horrific Tate like farts our friend Tate Fletcher is known for having the most ferocious farts cuz Tate's a big giant dude and he takes a lot of protein powder and when you eat a lot of protein like your body like not rid it a lot of that process that extra [ __ ] well and it turns into farts and this dude just I mean I don't know what he ate but he was a big guy and by the way I don't even know if it was his fart because it's not like I have a [ __ ] locator but if you're on a plane and there's a fart and you see a fat guy that guy gets blamed he blame he gets blamed his asses lined up more than like black kids get blamed for stolen things fat people get blamed for farts on planes always like that's like the first person you look to like [ __ ] yeah it was him and the way it lined up was just his ass was just right across from her face it was horrific man I mean it was a it was a nightmare fart and I mean what are the odds in life that you would ever have your face or Melanie Griffith's face that close to your ass that you could unload on her face like that you know I think I should fart on her face I talked about it on stage that night in England you know cuz it was so ridiculous cuz I mean I was just it was just such a Preposterous lineup but I I could never turn into a bit but it was really hilarious at the time I just I couldn't imagine and I was thinking what if this guy like had planned this out what if he like came to Melanie Griffith's agent and he said listen uh I'd be willing to pay a million dollars to fart in Mrs Griffin's face I'm like you're out of
your [ __ ] mind you know we can't bring that offer to her just bring it to her man let her the agent said listen I think we can work something out I've been looking at how these planes line up and this is what I want to show you look at this here's your seed here's Melanie Griffin SE look who your ass would be look we got it I think we got it I think we got it Melanie doesn't even have to know isn't that a little unethical keeping the money from Melanie I mean that's part of my thrill well you know I'll just slip it into her bank account Melanie doesn't have to know just a little extra money in her bank account guy just opened his ass on Melanie's head it was silent but dead hot it was a hot fart for sure there was some heat to it that was one where you might not have known how bad it was before you let it go but once you let it go you realized how atrocious what a terrible person you are how you should be despised think about all the [ __ ] particles from your ass and are people been forced to acknowledge in their nostrils word word are we have one of those crazy pods to Brazil I don't know I don't know what it's going to be like AR's going to Brazil with me we're going to party we're going to party in Rio apparently it's the nuttiest crowd for MMA ever like you've never seen a more en they're all Brazilian on the card a lot of Brazilians in the card and uh good ones hamar Paul harz is fighting that's a [ __ ] great fight man that's going to be interesting and must go nuts for it Aldo fighting Chad Mendes man I wouldn't want to be Chad Mendes in Brazil Jesus Christ Aldo Aldo and Anderson you know heres they're Heroes they're Heroes well they're two of three I mean it's really there's no country like Brazil man where there's three UFC Champions I mean there's only how many weight classes now there's 35 45 55 70 85 205 and heavyweight so there's seven weight classes and three of them are dominated by Brazilians wow that's amazing they don't have that in Americans what's that they don't have as many Americans no George St Pierre is 170 but then the um Mick Diaz and Carlos KY two Americans are going to be fighting for the interim belt so that's going to be
why no intern belt well it means a lot because George is out for a long time he's knees blown he had to get surgery he had to get a so if he never comes back tendon graph it's a big surgery the batella tendon graph is a really difficult one the way they do that it's a long road to recovery you have to they take a chunk of bone out of your your uh kneecap and a chunk of bone out of your shin and they slice the patella tendon they take a piece of it off and they use that piece to recreate the ACL the anterior cruciate ligament that's inside the middle of the knee the stabilizing ligament so then they have to screw that in place they have to drill holes and then they have to take the little piece of bone they took from your kneecap and stuffing into your bone stuff it into your you know your your humoris is that what it is what's the thigh femur femur stuff it into your femur and then they stuff it into the lower one too whatever your shin bone is yeah it's gnarly [ __ ] so he's out for a long whatever you had well that is actually a technique that they've been using for a long time that the patella tendon graph more than more than 20 years okay because I had it done a pendon graph done in the 9s I had it done I believe it was '93 I had it done um but now they more more likely are use um uh a graft from a dead person I have in my right knee a cadav graft really yeah they use um the Achilles two new knes is he really two new plastic knees artificial knees he has no cartilage in his knees either one of his knees zero our friend Sean Rouse has a crazy form of arthritis it's like super aggressive arthritis and he's so happy now I'm sure got him bumped up yeah yeah Obby liman like I know a guy who works at whatever so what are they going to you know how they do that man they have to cut your knee off yeah he's got pretty much nothing anymore you ever see how they do hip replacements it's gnarly dude they cut your they take the socket out they cut it off they saw it off and they put a new socket in there and drive it into your [ __ ] bone they screw this bolt into your bone and now you have this new ball and socket set up in your hip that's probably 100 times better than the original yeah well I want to get everything replaced sort of no because it's like it's also an alien piece Sean said the only problem is they said it
will it will um start to dissolve after about 15 years which is totally fine for him but he goes dissolve to where just into my body wow after 15 years yeah and so then they go back and replace it yeah 15 years now they probably have amazing ones maybe probably yeah yeah they'll probably have one that's better than the human knee hologram KNE you would think knee with lightweight materials and if they could figure out something that's biocompatible yeah someone's going to start having those surgeries just because like I don't need it but [ __ ] it have you seen that dude who uh he's got no legs he lost his legs and he's competing in races with uh these artificial legs he lost his legs below the knee oh and so they they put these oh he's got like the spring things yeah these crazy [ __ ] I would want to race against that guy and he it actually he like kicking ass with these things man he could run fast and some people are actually saying like this is an unfair Advantage like what you can't say that man a dude gets his legs cut off but he does have he got Springs on his legs I know but still you got running down the unless he's breaking World Records you got to deal with that [ __ ] as long as he gets close it's okay yeah unless he's break shatters world records that would be incredible you imagine if guys started getting their legs cut off so they could run as fast as him and getting these artificial feet screwed on somebody even make these skates and what what they would do is in the speed skates they would come slightly apart from the skate as you were stepping up so it would give you an extra Split Second of ice time if it's touching the ice the blade would get like slowly remve from your shoe wow so would stay in the ice a little longer and all those like I think it was I think it was Swiss I don't know they were all [ __ ] shattering records Jesus Christ just from doing that yeah isn't that amazing yeah clever Little Monkeys yeah clever Little Monkeys figure that out remember this last past uh Olympics when the dude died on The Bob oh yeah oh yeah I forgot about that gnarly man that's why I'm a huge proponent of everyone should have to wear um helmet cams yeah see what that R be like know that that's possible yeah we need to know that that's possible you
know that's that's not something you should keep from people people that are considering being a bob sled person you could die from this yeah they were saying everyone was saying how it was way too fast he running way too fast well look you look at what they're doing man God they're going so fast they're flying in those [ __ ] things and I guess somehow or another you're steering with your weight correct um yeah I think so I mean you must be doing something the turn yeah right is that what it is God damn there was a dude who was a fighter he fought Todd Hayes he fought in uh Valley tudo in Japan and uh he was supposed to fight Hicks and Gracie but he blew his shoulder out in the fight before that he won and um he uh quit fighting and to become a bob sled guy really yeah that was Walker did Bob sliding for a while did he he W gold then they started they started rethinking it they were like oh we don't need Bob sliders we need [ __ ] track people we need people that are [ __ ] fast and strong to push the base of kha Walker made them win the goal are you sure about that so I think he won something probably not the goal that sounds ridiculous Walker is a bad [ __ ] dude he made the cowboys he's like 47 or 48 years old now and he's still fighting MMA and he he fought on strike force twice and at least twice in one dude he's [ __ ] shredded he's ridiculously shredded really oh my God he's 48 years old and he apparently has like superhuman discipline yeah he way worked out he never lifted weights well he says that but then other dudes say that he has lifted weights he also has well no he also has multiple personality disorder oh yeah so he could be saying that he's not lifting weights and he's telling the truth cuz he's not lifting weights But Clyde is and Clyde's the one that has the past to 24-Hour Fitness he's like noen really that all day I think I'm pretty sure I don't want to talk out of school but I'm pretty sure I read on his website that he has trauma related multiple personality disorder from football yeah and uh I read that and I was like wow well why is this guy fighting in MMA then you know that seems crazy that he would go from
that to fighting in MMA but the fights that he's had dude he's just mauled people he's such a [ __ ] super athlete if Hershel Walker was around if MMA was around when Hershel Walker was young when he yeah if he had decided to do that he's there's every now and then there's dudes that can just throw people around they just he so dominant for a little while the Vikings pretty much traded their whole team for him it was like everybody they had good and draft picks for the next five years wow like we want him that bad wellow that's a super athlete man it made the Cowboys for so long yeah did you hear Mayweather uh wants to fight P Pac-Man now yeah because he's going to jym oh is that why yeah the judge the judge will let him uh postpone his jail time until June so if he can get Pacquiao to fight him in May he'll make a shitload of money and then go to jail for 90 days so since the judge has allowed him to postpone it he's like all right [ __ ] it let's go after a fight let's it's going to be a lame fight probably no it will not be a lame fight Pacquiao Pacquiao is a killer but I think that um a lot of people feel that Pacquiao was uh exposed a little bit by Marquez the Juan M Marquez fight that they've had three fights now and that uh you know Marquez Fels like he won two of those and uh you know it was not nearly the dominant victory that Pacquiao had hoped for so a lot of people I think are thinking that if Floyd Mayweather was scared of him before now he's like relaxed now he saw the way Mar a shot yeah because he he boxed the [ __ ] out of Marquez when they fought Floyd didn't even take any damage Floyd Mayweather is just technically and strategically on another level the the thing about Pacquiao is Pacquiao is he's a he's a beast he's got crazy power in his hands ridiculous speed and he can catch anybody and if he if he tees off on Floyd and he gets a good Rhythm and starts coming at him with those wild combinations anything can happen but Floyd doesn't feel like he could do that Floyd thinks he can stop him now money on I don't know if I had a gamble i' bet Pacquiao it's hard to bet against Pacquiao because Pacquiao's been fighting he's been fighting big guys too like when he fought um you know when when he fought um the [ __ ] his name margarito he beat the [ __ ] out of
margarito margarito was way bigger than him and margarito is a dangerous guy and he [ __ ] margarito up you know I mean he broke his eye socket he broke his orbital made him they he has an artificial lens in his eye now really margarito does because of that fight yeah and and Pacquiao was 15 16 pounds lighter than him easily maybe even more it might have been 18 pounds during fight time cuz they weigh him on HBO they weigh him the day of the fight too and they see how much a guy's rehydrated and they show you that statistic which I think is brilliant the UFC should probably incorporate something like that too but I don't think they wanted admit how cutting how much yeah some guys are cutting like guys like Anthony Johnson yeah they cut a [ __ ] ton Anthony Johnson's fighting vtor bord this weekend in Brazil that's going to be [ __ ] and he's fighting at 185 for the first time too which for Anthony is the the right move if you've never seen Anthony Johnson before he's another specimen specimen dude's a specimen and he's a big 170 like the biggest possible and he would I would see him walking around like in between fights and he was well over 200 lbs he was a enormous he looked like a heavyweight you know and then he would drop he said at one point time he cut 60 lbs to make to make 170 a long time I mean I'm sure he did it over a long camp but you know starved himself 60 was up to like 230 success stor over year exactly meanwhile with him was mostly muscle you know he's mostly making his body eat itself you know dehydrating and eat itself he's losing a little bit of fat but he's not a fat guy he doesn't get fat he's just an athlete it's [ __ ] brutal man it's like there's a point of diminishing returns and I think right the fight very even can't do that because of uh brain damage that's when it's people are most susceptible to brain damage but then you won't cut you'll just fight they would they would cut anyway yeah they cut anyway they always do they used to have a weight they used to have it in boxing they used to have the day of but more people die of brain injuries because of uh dehydration what how about have it after the fight I don't think in the old days the box too late yeah it doesn't matter it's ridiculous you lose a lot of
weight during fight um I don't think a lot of people were hip to uh IVs back back in the day either so when they would lose weight when they would lose weight no no IVs to replenish to put your uh liquids back in that's the best way all those guys look so weak when they're at the weigh-ins they look like death I've seen guys look terrified stink yeah oh yeah breath is horrible yeah yeah t stomach acid coming out yeah I mean they don't eat for you know they don't eat for a long time before they get up there a lot of the guys except the heavyweights heavy weight they don't care I love them they weigh in their jeans [ __ ] it it's about the same but there's a few guys that have had a cut weight at heavyweight Tim syia had a cut weight once he weighed over I remember that he was over 265 Brock's always made the weight he cuts to that right yeah he cuts to that yeah yeah if he if he wanted to he get to about 300 lb if you wanted to I'm sure if he started packing on the creatine doing powerlifting and [ __ ] like that and eating all day but I don't think he can eat all day now because of that uh the stomach thing I think his his diet has got to be very different time catches everyone that's not just time dude he had diverticulitis you die from that [ __ ] man people die that's amazing I no one even heard of that before he got it I never heard of it they should rename it [ __ ] Brock Lesnar's disease the same way they did with L Garrick out of all the times that you and I have been to Fogo to Chow all those Brazilian steakhouses yeah who would have ever thought that someone could die from eating too much meat that's would you have ever thought of that we've been going to those places for a decade yeah are you going to go to the one in Brazil [ __ ] yeah you know the ones in Brazil are even better because they serve like chicken hearts and stuff that people in America are kind of scared of that shit's delicious dude when we went to one in Sal Pao it was one of the best I've ever been to ever and they just kept giving us these chicken hearts I was like dude keep coming with them chicken hearts woo it's like salted like they know how to is Grill in Israel this just a wild culture man it's a beautiful culture the culture of Brazil is so fun you know meet and fighting and the girls are beautiful and
they're living on the beach I mean it's like and everybody's doing PR playing Jiu-Jitsu I mean it's like wow what a what a crazy culture man and soccer and everything you know and their their their economy has changed in a in a big way over the last few years apparently they found oil off the shore their econom booming yeah you know they one of the leaders like the the leaders of the world in AIDS research and and uh and um education really yeah it's a lot of places um in Rio also I've heard uh where people go to get uh good but cheap plastic surgery I see that yeah like uh girls in Hollywood that can't afford going to doctor here you can fly to Brazil and get [ __ ] there jobs all the time and stuff I guess and then you know then you just chill out in Rio chill out on the beach while your tits heel get on a plane and head home H got went on vacation came back with tits boobies I'm excited weird a whole another culture yeah just uh don't go to the FLL is looking for heroin keep it together and don't get bit by a Brazilian wandering spider there's a Brazilian wandering spider that kills you uh and one of the things that happens is um the people that survive first of all you you'll have a 24-hour raging death Hardon really yes yeah the way it affects your body it apparently blasts your levels of Nitric a nitric oxide which is the same thing that the same effect that Viagra has like and what this stuff does is just makes your dick hard as as [ __ ] cold steel to the point where it's painful or your dick is dying it's expanded so hard that it's tearing literally the cells are ripping apart from each other they it's getting so big w and so hard that the cells are separating from each other tearing and Agony and screaming pain and this is happening to all your muscles not just your [ __ ] but every muscle in your body is just in Mad Agony and if you survive and most people don't but if you survive you'll be [ __ ] you'll be dead you might as well be dead your your dick won't work anymore it's done forever your body's going to be a wreck you're going to be physically a wreck all your muscles are going to be [ __ ] so wait do they do they once you get bit what happens to you can you go to the doctor immediately or over how much per time
almost immediately almost immediately you're [ __ ] there's I don't I don't know if they have uh and what would you say percentage wise are you worried about this spider me I'm not going to the Jungle oh it's in the jungle I'm 100% not worried I hope it's only in the jungle [ __ ] I'm pretty sure it's only in the jungle yeah but if I I'm going to put myself in a [ __ ] Boy in the Plastic Bubble suit I'm going to dress up like Aquaman I don't know I I'm not really worried about it are hotels down there in Brazil beautiful hotels they're pretty much everywhere where they ever have tourist from other places like the nice hotels are nice everywhere yeah any city in the world you know that's a real city they're going to have some nice places to stay even in you know I mean I've seen like Kuwait Kuwait has beautiful beautiful hotels and you know it's kind of crazy you would think someone just went to war with Iraq just a few years ago it probably be a mess right now right no not really go there it's beautiful I had a crazy dream I was I quit pot and my dreams went nuts tell me tell us about that cuz how long did you quit it for 13 days wow but I me every day multiple times a day smoker um I I heard that you get dreams or nightmares after 3 days nightmares yeah so I was trying to put 3 days on to go try to get the dreams in nightmares to see what would happen if you quit but it took me it took me two years we need to give you some Alpha Brain I bet Alpha Brain would give you some ridiculous a lot of Twitter people kept saying like oh it must be the Alpha Brain or whatever was it gives you really vivid dreams we don't it's a combination of all the the neut tropics and the B6 and cuz B6 on its own apparently can do that a lot of the neut tropics on their own can give you some weird dream effects but apparently all them together with the B6 really kicks it was every night except after I did mushrooms every night yeah and we get the crazy like plot driven dreams like long and super clear I can remember them for way longer wa and one of them was I was dropped in the jungle in Brazil and there was all these like dangerous predators but there's also tons of mushroom spores so we would like trip out dude I think it's good to stop smoking pot for a little bit I
think it's good to stop doing everything I take meat breaks I take meat breaks where I only like vegetables for like a couple days just for the [ __ ] of it I just do it if I feel like doing it like sometimes like there's a a good vegan restaurant near here and every now and then I'll just have this like real hankering for some like real vegetable heavy food you know sounds good what are you saying what you kenoa what is that vegan food quinoa kenoa oh quinoa quinoa that that's that um that grain that heavy protein grain they got the Whole Foods um salad bar they got a bunch of different types of Quin Ros yeah this the only plant apparently that has all the amino acids that meat has yeah yeah that I think soy also I don't think so I don't think soy has everything really yeah and soy makes you grow tits yeah [ __ ] soy soy made Brian cry yeah I like almond almond milk is great for you I love that I drink that [ __ ] every day that's that's pretty much substituted my most of my Dairy unless I'm having cookies it's just a proteinin it's really easy to make by yourself uh yeah almond milk you can eat make uh cuz you have the Vitamix it's really cool for that yeah just do it mix it with water but there's a lot of good recipes online to make like do you make it have you made one uh I tried it once and it worked so so do you have to soak the almonds first is that how you do yeah I soak it overnight for 24 hours and then mix it up and and there was something else I did to it you just buy an almond milk yeah why would I do that yeah so I could just go to the store just have it done for you well I'm just saying if you're your own but you're really crazy feel like going old school make your own butter have you ever tried to make your own butter no I did make my own pickles you did yeah so why why is it Preposterous to make your own butter you can't get that kind of recipe oh the pickle recipe there was a place when we were filming Zer in Boston I wish I remember their name cuz I would give them a shout out there was a [ __ ] cart that they had where it was all pickles and different flavored pickles and some of them were really spicy and some of them are really crisp and green and some of them were like the more sour like darker or uh lighter colored green ones and they just had had
every kind of pickle and they were [ __ ] deadly and I was like Jesus Christ you guys ship these pickles I'm like I got to get these [ __ ] pickles they were amazing I'll bring you some father made Brazil bring us home to the airport the best is a bloody married with pickled asparagus and green beans in it pickled asparagus what do they pickle it with same thing same thing Brian youed once you have once you've already made the Brian you can use that stuff to oh so you just stick something else in there huh Pi carrots and like green cucumbers tomato cucumbers are good you ever had that green cucumbers pickled green cucumbers oh not cucumbers uh Tomatoes those are delicious they hold it really well yeah right they're crisp your sharp so you can like cut them with a knife yeah ju's figured out a lot of cool [ __ ] ju figured out pastrami you got to take off your [ __ ] hat to pastrami man pami did that well spami is like one of the best for sandwiches can you get a more delicious meat for sandwiches it's fatty and they slice it real thin and with rubben when they put the [ __ ] sauerkraut on that [ __ ] and then the the so dressing you guys want to go to Jerry's Deli and you eat right now that was the hardest thing yeah let's get high though that was the hardest thing when I took my pot potation there was one time I got green blasts on the way home I got that pastrami half pastrami half chop liver and I was like I should be smoking a joint right now this is how this should go that would definitely enhance the food people don't realize how much it does enhance how far Jerry's Del not far at all real close let's do that let's do that [ __ ] um what was I going to say oh caners is the best if you want to really get down and dirty with your pastrami that's the best pastrami in La p caners is that's oldest school old school place in La how long has that Deli been there caners a long time that's exactly the same yeah if you go into that place that's exactly the same as it was in like the 1970s all those old pictures from there yeah it's way old than that yeah way older than that but I'm saying I don't think they've done any Renovations since the 70s or maybe it might even be the 50s who the [ __ ] play pickles when you sit down place is awesome and the food is
super legit especially bami and the white fish the smoked white fish godamn I'm getting hungry [ __ ] so um to wrap things up can I say this before we go tell people you can say whatever you want I got Minneapolis the 25th say oh okay have another whiskey throw the battleship around yeah and then I think me and Cher are going to do a show with Russell in in Toronto oh really I think yeah they're working off but they have like a festival there oh Russell's a giant February Toronto he's [ __ ] there dude yeah Russell [ __ ] dominates up there what a nice guy Russell Peters is if you don't you know if you don't know Russell Peters what what a [ __ ] great guy he is he's so friendly you know he's like such an easy downto earth guy no like heirs about him no [ __ ] yeah I always forget that he's like huge Superstar yeah I forget like we were talking with him and fim we're talking at the Improv he's like I I'm going to go on and it's like we you can't just go oh yeah oh yeah you can't just go on I forgot who you are just a regular dude yeah well what's really crazy is how uh he's huge in other countries in the UK he sold out the O2 Arena like two nights in a row in Canada two nights in a row Jesus that's insane the O arena is where we do the UFC it's huge I don't know how many it is it's more than 15000 like that I don't know it's more than 15,000 though Jesus it's [ __ ] gigantic man I can't even imagine I'm doing the Chicago Theater it's like 3,000 really yeah that's pretty big 3,000 over the summer that's pretty nuts 3,000 people there A lot of people laughing when the the laughs come in it's a boom it's like wow it's not it's it's a weird thing man when you go when you whenever you go over 500 like the laughs are bigger but the connection's different it's like it's hard to like keep that real intimate connection with 3,00 I have to tell myself this last time I was able to get a little better cuz I was like slow between jokes pause a lot longer and but usually it's like it takes me 10 minutes to like remember that do you feel like it's goes smoother when you pause longer like what is it it allows them time to take it in need more people it's just bigger and they all like when you're bouncing off the wall like the belly room the laughs
it's like 80 people in those small small rooms of that place in Boston that upstairs from that Chinese place it was like they all hear each other and react immediately well also I think that the the the rooms Acoustics are different the way you process sound is different when there's so much loudness around you with laughter and then this this is projected from speakers at a far I mean that's a it's it's a tricky thing right see the guy really well so you can't get the facial expressions so the the little non-written cues so like it's time to laugh yeah that's when comedy gets weird when you have like giant screens where your face is on these giant screens man you'd have to you can't otherwise no one could see you if if you do something that big well damee would do those big places like that but he would do them in the round he would do them in the round so they'd have to have somebody on the screen they'd have to have yeah you have to because otherwise you're looking at his ass you know which some girls would love started he hasn't done comedy in like a year yeah it's very weird I see him he said he was going to do an ice house Chronicles uh soon he come do the show maybe maybe he will show show maybe he'll just do the podcast part though I don't know I mean he hasn't done think I don't know some people should just [ __ ] tired Story show and he's like keep asking me but no I'm not back yet that's funny yeah he's going to take more than a year off wonder what he's doing you know what some people just not happy with what they're doing this is what I heard that it was like slay [ __ ] sold out like 15,000 Cedars whatever it's like like that's what that's the top of what you're supposed to do and I was like where am I supposed to go just keep doing that there's nowhere else to go or you know strive for maybe that could be it or he's just acting you like we all strive to get big bigger followings and but he's like I got it I've got the biggest following I can get well his following definitely dropped off though I know I talked to people that worked in places that where he was at where he had been there you know a couple years before and sold 15,000 seats and then he came back and sold like seven it wasn't it was still huge but it wasn't it wasn't what it was at the peak of his popularity I I think
it's also a lot of negativity he he dealt with a lot of people that were not just warranted but even unwarranted negativity there was a lot of people that hated that guy yeah you know there was there was warranted stuff like the plagiarism stuff that was you know was kind of questionable I shouldn't say questionable but it was uh he stopped yeah he probably just stopped he stopped he he stopped doing that for sure but it was also I mean the way it all went down it was it was you know was very unfortunate for him it it was it looked horrible yeah you know when when people were playing the Louis CK bits next to his bits it just became you ever watch him on Louis show at the scene yeah I didn't I thought that was weird you know I think I I like the way Lou like kind of like let him win cuz that's uh that's just in line with how Lou would deal with the situation it made sense to me like oh of course this is how Louie did it you know Lou's a nice guy you know and he sort of felt bad that everybody was going after d but you know it was what it was you know it's weird it's just hard for a guy to recover from something like that you know when when you get when you get a label put on you and you get a lot of people that just decide to hate you you know I me Zach gakis gakis he had a um he had a remember he used to do remember he used to do a bit where he would pull out posters at the end and you write things on them and one of them was kill Dane Cook uhhuh got a huge laugh yeah you know it's like like it was like a it's all sort of a grp we can make this joke yeah it was all he he became that guy like even though a lot of people loved them he became the guy that a lot of people [ __ ] hated yeah and you were clear you were in the clear to be able to say whatever you wanted negative if you're not doing standup you're really not in that world anymore you're not attached to those people anymore you're not feeling their hate anymore you're not you're like whatever now you don't now you have no effect on me you know now you have no effect on me I'm not doing standup right now you have no effect on me I guess yeah I mean you if you're tired of people just this snarky critic who uh is you know just on
Instinct and you know on um just by default they're [ __ ] you know there's a lot of people like that by default looking for something shitty to say and when you got a Target like Kim Kardashian or Dane Cook when he was you know when people were [ __ ] on him or anybody who's in the news that you is like a free shot yeah you know you automatically go after them going to be a lot of people that go Tom arold and whatever yeah yeah yeah it's going to be yeah Justin Bieber not doing comedy would would help that yeah because you're not connected to them anymore you're not doing anything I he's got enough money I'm sure that he could just kick back and relax for a few years yeah I mean he's not doesn't seem like a Nutty spender so if he can just kick back and relax for a few years and maybe while he's doing that he's writing some stuff that he really likes he filmed three movies last year so that could also be why he took a year off yeah that could be too I know like uh what Beck did an album a really great album called C change and it's all about his relationship with when owner writer whoa yeah and he said though he was like I couldn't write it for like 2 years until after we broke up for like a couple years and then I was able to like process my feelings about it and then write this amazing you know work hm how's Winona feel about it I don't know they tried to reach her but she was too busy stealing [ __ ] it's a really great album it's a good breakup album he's a a Scientologist isn't he Beck yeah I went to a Scientology show of his once really what was that it was a Knitting Factory but it was it was to bra fundraiser for Scientology and my Scientologist friend got me in wow you have a Scientologist friend Bobby used to have a girlfriend who was Scientologist okay you're sitting there with all scientologists and you and Bobby wow he must have been there too plus he wasn't available that day and so Beck is doing a uh show and going like [ __ ] Scientology rules everybody goes yes when you see a car accident you know that you have to pull over because you're a Scientologist and you're the only one that's going to know what to do only one that can help I just think it'd be too bad if you like Dan Cook is the way he talks about comedy and the way he like he's been 20 years
in the game like to lose a like a professional mhm it's too bad guy doesn't who knows if he's losing it maybe he's just taking a year off you know maybe he's just no seriously Heil movies was on a TV show I mean I know but he was filming movies before he never took time off yeah nobody there's a big difference between doing all these movies and yeah and taking time off a standup not not coming out with a new album not doing any standup in La yeah guys take two weeks off and it's a big deal you know two weeks is kind of shaky you come back you're a little you know you got to do like one set a week at least I call well I got I got Tuesday Wednesday this week at the store but be gone in Brazil for the rest right and he only got that's what I called in for I only got one spot I was like no I'm not going to be able I going to get out on again till Tuesday no I had to call like who's is on the cover booth tonight you got to let me slide in oh look at you you use your juice once in a while but not once in a while only when you need to though I'm saying there's no way you go off like a year with nothing who's making that [ __ ] list at The Comedy Store it's fine not to get me one day out of the week silly [ __ ] I'm ridning a new hour this year are you yeah are you throwing your old one out what are you doing yeah done chucking it done did you make a DVD made a CD got to make a DVD son can't throw your material out without a [ __ ] visual representation of it yeah got go that's outrageous a lot of your [ __ ] is visual yeah make get someone to hire someone to film you cheat prick and make it make a special yeah put it online release it to people yeah give it to the world Ari make a video make a video you need a video dude you can't just have an audio my first CD was I was upset that some of my [ __ ] wasn't visual I went over that just put it online after the fact yeah yeah there's a lot of [ __ ] like the um the old lady vagina bit that's that's a there's a lot of visual in that sh boom you know I don't remember that all hand at the bottom boom oh yeah yeah yeah that's visual you need that part that's a big part of why it's funny with the which one what happens when to a woman's vagina she gets old yeah don't say anymore otherwi you kill oh yeah yeah that would be a little visual very very
visual yeah the the [ __ ] Ari so people want to see you where can they see you AR for this upcoming Minneapolis show where is itapolis it's houseof comedy. net houseof comedy. net and you'll be in Chicago at the same time yes I will be in Chicago the 27th is it that weekend 25th or 29th yeah yeah I'm going to be in um there's still some tickets available but they're going fast [ __ ] Joey Diaz and Duncan trusso we're going to be at the Chicago theater on January 27th and if you see Joey on stage Joey will probably be not walking so good cuz he's just going to have surgery 10 days before that he's getting his maybe get one of those little scooters little Zippos zippies or whatever should get a scooter but if anybody wants to get him some flowers and say get well get him some cards say Get Well Jo Fu flowers give me the get out of here with this [ __ ] cards and flowers just give him a lot of envelop yeah give me an envelope with cash in it or nothing he loves envelopes um so yeah so Joey will be there supposedly I hope he's going to be able to make it but he's getting surgery 10 days before yeah pretty tight yeah tight scheduling uh Duncan's going to be there for sure I'll be there and then there's the UFC on foxes the next day you can see that or if you're closer to my man Ari shaffir you go to Minneapolis and go to the house ofc comedy. net house ofc comedy. net and Ari will be that weekend how many days you there five days five days damn that's nice that's time for a relationship yeah you you could meet a new girl and fall in love and then grow to hate each other by the time 27th work the whole like Nexus of it exactly boom thank you to the Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast if you go to Jo rogan.net and click on the link for the flashlight and entering the code name Rogan you will get 15% off the number one six to from man oh [ __ ] thanks to on it.com o nnit t makers of Alpha Brain the cognitive enhancing supplement new mood shroom Tech Sport and shroom Tech immune go to the link on Jo rogan.net click on it for the link for alphabrain enter in the code name Rogan and you can get 10% off all right thanks everybody next week we have uh Hamilton Morris from vice.com we're going to be uh going uh on an isolation tank tour we're going to go to
Venice yeah and we're going to he's going to come on the podcast as well and I got Steve ranella from uh what's that show called The Wild within which was a really cool show that got cancelled now I think he's got a new show called me eater so he's going to be on the podcast on Monday yeah all right you dirty freaks vote for me yeah Brian's got [ __ ] silly internet contest he wants everybody to vote for for like to win just go to deathsquad.tv and at the top it says vote for me just click on that that' be awesome and I'll be at water beds and stuff Thursday water beds and stuff you're doing shows at water bed factories no I'm just going to what is water bed stff buy a bow it's it's the only place to buy a bowl in Columbus Ohio oh to buy a bowl yeah they sell water beds and pipes what and that's where you going to be they all listen they all listen to this podcast doing a show there I'm not going to do you do a show there why you there n I'm just going to buy don't be scared homie.com thanks everybody oh one more thing I interviewed a hooker on my podcast this week damn yeah high class prostitute really yeah oo how do people get that go to I guess iTunes or my website already theeg great.com but.com is a good long and good she just told me everything oh my God o I'm going to listen to that it was really fun I'm going listen to that on the flight to Brazil this the five other things it's a long fight yeah yeah all right you [ __ ] fre very nice we love you guys we love everybody we see you next week thanks thanks for everybody thanks for everything thanks for everything thanks to everybody for everything I've been talking too much today my mouth doesn't want to work anymore [Music] Jihad