Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsL9ZbaWNgQ
[Laughter] [Music] [Music] hello good to see you here good to see you nice to uh have you in texas yeah well it's been yeah this is nice i'm trying to work on being a better new yorker by not like comparing everything the first day to like new york that's how new yorkers are every time you like go to a new city you're like ah this is like the brooklyn of this is like the queen's uh this is like the brooklyn bridge of yeah this is a different animal down here yeah it's uh it's like hipsters who have guns i like it that's a good way of putting it yeah hipsters with concealed carry permits yeah i hung out uh last night with one of the dudes from the drinking bros podcast oh okay and uh yeah he was like i'm gonna walk home in the park and then he made a joke he was like yeah if anyone talks to me i'll just shoot him and he was like don't worry i haven't killed anyone stateside i was like he means that [ __ ] yeah yeah so it's uh i went to terry's too terry blacks is that uh yeah black's barbecue yeah yeah that was the best uh brisket i've ever had in my entire life yeah people say that oh you got to go to this place i'm like no i don't if barbecue is better than that i don't want it i don't i just like you can't i don't know how you can get better i mean i don't want to ruin my life if barbecue's better than that i don't know how i'm going to eat anything else yeah it's i it was the best i've ever had and they were telling me it's the fourth best so i was like says that that's what they were saying they were going like you got to go to this other they always do that here though oh you got to go to franklin's because you got to wait in line i've had franklin's it's [ __ ] amazing it's really good it's not that much different right i mean it's just all great
the brisket at terry blacks is [ __ ] insane they slice it it's sopping wet the the juices are pouring out of it you eat it it's melting in your mouth you don't need any teeth to chew it yeah it's tender what the [ __ ] is better than this how does it get better yeah you could a baby you could feed it to a baby you'll go down yeah you don't need teeth just throw it in the gums and it yeah it smells so good and did you have their beef ribs no we had the sausage with the cheese in it oh that's good yeah that was real good jalapeno cheddar yeah bro the beef ribs you pick up the rib and you try to hold the rib up and it just slides off the rib and it swaps onto the plate oh that's nice yeah oh it was so good and then maybe a tour of the smokers like they make they have someone make their own smokers out of propane tanks so these giant propane tank smokers it's next level down like this austin you could tell is kind of like the way brooklyn was when it's doing it you're doing it i'm doing it right now yeah i just [ __ ] did it yeah i'm like [ __ ] new york we're like we think we're better than everyone and we're just we're it's just all bravado like we can't do anything except you take us out of new york and we're like where am i where's the where's the bodega where's the p where can i get a slice we can't but at its best new york is the ultimate city at its best is the ultimate place it really is it's jammed with people there's a million different flavors there's all kinds of different restaurants and neighborhoods and it's it's in and it's a legitimate melting pot where you get on the subway you sit there's millionaires next to homeless people and everybody's together and everybody walks down the street together and that is one thing that separates it and makes it superior to los angeles los angeles is isolated everyone's isolated in the little community isolated in their car they drive to a
place they give their key to a valet they don't mingle as much in new york people are out there they're mingling it's true i went to uh school in dc and that was the first time i left new york and i realized how segregated that city was and in new york people are forced to interact with each other just because it's a walking city yeah and so you got to take the train i mean you crazy to try to drive across town and take you longer to go across town than it will to let go to another state so it's like yeah you're forced to mingle and see and it is a universe crammed into one it is kind of unique that way where you kind of actually meet a peruvian person or like someone who's half from bolivia half pre you've got other places like mexicans you know yeah new york it's like you fight you learn about countries you don't even know what's existing you're like you're from uganda all right that's a country all right and you can go to chinatown and you might as well be in asia you will get legitimate chinese food at two o'clock in the morning they got a fish tank they'll scoop the fish out and kill it in front of you yeah cook them it's as fresh as it can be yeah i mean it's it's an amazing place when it's at its best my my worry is that it's not going to be that place again it's not right now i mean i was about to say that you ever go to chinatown in the summer it gets hot it gets weird yeah yes yeah you wanna you wish you'd lose your smell from coven during that i mean that [ __ ] stinks it's like new york's [ __ ] well i remember in new york when the um the garbage strikers the garbage workers were on strike and uh i was in harlem i was in harlem because a friend of mine was a professional pool player was going there to meet this guy who was a a pimp who was also a pool hustler and he would bet high and so we went to this pool hall in harlem and dude i'm not exaggerating by saying the
garbage was stacked seven feet high and there was rats running all over the place because no one had picked up the garbage so people would go outside put a bag of garbage go back inside and the garbage would just keep stacking and for i don't know how long the strike lasted but for as long as it lasted it was bizarre like you'd be like jesus that's a rat that's another rat how many [ __ ] rats are here it was there was so many rats i would think that they would go on strike more because they have such leverage oh yeah like they could just be like all right you know when you want this city to stink worse the problem is it's a good job and other people will jump in yeah that's true but then that's when you got to do the picket line and break people's heads and go old school you know that's what you got to unionize and how much does a garbage worker get paid they get paid because nobody wants to do that's it you have to be strong right you got to have a high tolerance for smiling smell yeah i bet your immune system gets [ __ ] uh that's the one thing about being a new yorker like that's why i was surprised i got so sick with kovac because i was like i've been eating rat piss for a year every time you order out there's like a little rat piss on it a little rat [ __ ] and a lot of a little rap piss yeah cheers by the way thank you for thanks for being here give me a stick and uh you are a fantastic follow on twitter you're hilarious but i worry about your mental health yeah cause you tweet you tweet so much i'm like shaunic is really funny and i don't wanna tell him to stop doing this but god damn this is not good because i know he's probably reading replies and yeah yeah i got that thing where uh i i don't i it doesn't seem like i'm uh it seems like a lot of us get infected by that where we just we start we see the reply and we're like [ __ ] exactly no [ __ ] you no [ __ ] you and then you're going what am i doing and you know in the beginning
of a comic's career in particular it's a crucial tool because people can see your funny writing they can see your perspectives but there's a lot of people that i follow especially during covet i can watch their descent into madness and i watch them arguing with people about [ __ ] and yelling and being like really uncivil and i'm like god damn like i know you you're not this guy like why what are you doing like you want to go hug him yeah it's it's a negative evil place and actually i think the first time we communicated i jumped in when you were arguing with uh like some woke chick who was just trying to get you and i just started like asking her questions and then you'd like personally message and you're like hey man thanks for having my back so you see you it was that was positive reinforcement that was yours you should have told me like hey man you shouldn't you shouldn't have done that it was years ago it was like it was before i swore off yeah you did the right thing it had to like it got untenable for me it's like uh and also i realized like i'm not getting anything i'm just honest with myself i'm not getting any uh anything out of this i'm not getting any progress like with my head yeah you know it's like it's like it just you just slide yeah it just i never come out of those feeling good even if i trample somebody i never i never feel like yeah that was worth doing it's always like why did i do that and i don't even want to do that like i don't want to trample somebody i want to like find them and talk to them one on one and i guarantee we would have a reasonable discussion yeah you know it's like it's just the worst way to communicate with people i remember once i was like doing some one-nighter and i was pulling over on the side of the road to finish an argument and i was like i was just actually pulling over on a highway to be like wait a second i just
thought of a good point let me get this guy i don't know about who's probably like gonna not get it and uh yeah that's when i knew i had a problem that's why i love your show because it's like it's the opposite of twitter it's like the total opposite of these pithy little wait [ __ ] add tweet ad tweet [ __ ] i gotta take the thought out to make my point this is like you get to really express yourself get to know somebody that's what's great about it yeah that's what's great about podcasts you know it's just it's but and and ironically enough that's the podcast probably inspire the most hate tweets ever right because people aren't in this room right and then they're hearing some of the things you say or i say or one of the guests says and they're like no [ __ ] you and they tweet it yeah you know yeah if you don't read it it doesn't affect you yeah but also the another reason i love the show is um i always just i always wondered like when i would watch a late night show i'd be like why the [ __ ] do i care about what gail gaddot has to say about anything let's go i don't even [ __ ] you know it's hot she's hot yeah but i mean like she's an actress what interesting thing could she say besides me looking at her wanting her the same reason why she's famous you know like i'd rather hear from an astrophysicist or a [ __ ] astronaut or you know elon musk i mean it's the only show that has mion and elon musk i was talking to jamie's like you probably get like calls from big publicists like hey we want to have matt damon and you're like nah we gotta have this small crazy comedian from new york i would have matt tayman i like matt damon's cool dude i like him a lot but he's an interesting guy that happens to be an actor i had matthew mcconaughey on he's one of the most interesting people i talked to yeah he's a fascinating guy who happens to be an actor like there's a lot of people that happen to be actors and maybe gal gadot is one of
them i don't know i don't think so but i might be wrong we [ __ ] on her heart me and thompson girl when they released that uh imagine video oh that was the best i felt bad we went hard nobody cares about america more than actors in hollywood they're such patriots don't they well you know what it was we were talking about it's like they just didn't have any attention for a long time and then because of covet everything was locked down there was no movies there was no interviews so they needed something to get their name out there and so they they attached themselves to that and then there was another one that they did the black and white one where they were talking about race yeah that was a good one that was the dumbest one ever i will no longer tolerate it's like what are you tolerating now what kind of [ __ ] was happening in your life before that you just let it slide what were you doing yeah how bad were you i love how they made it black and white i would love to be there during that meeting when they watched it and they were like no no it's not it's not earnest enough yeah it's probably stanley too cheap you have to make this black it's gotta be black and white yeah you gotta make it look indie yeah low budget the problem is like when a good really good actor that you really respect and enjoy does that anytime you see them in the future you're going to think about that video and you go like you silly yeah yeah you're silly yeah yeah yeah silly goose yeah speaking of silly gooses we're talking about tim dillon and his battle with airbnb yeah so tim dillon who does a lot of renting with airbnb apparently left some dishes that's it just left some dirty dishes and uh that's his side of the story we don't know what he was coming on who we had over yeah good point yeah i don't think that was the complaint though no i'm just saying the real issue was not even just that
that he left dishes behind which you shouldn't you're supposed to clean the dishes that's on tim but then afterwards he did a long podcast where i believe he said their names and uh uh made reference to their sexual orientation which he's allowed to do being a gay man that but he doesn't seem like a gay guy yes so it throws a lot of people off he kind of he kind of comes off as like he was molested gay yeah like he was straight and then like they got to him yeah comes off as a [ __ ] republican from long island that's what he comes off at yeah yeah he is that yeah i don't know he's he's down the middle he just like is this true comedian and he goes after everybody but oh yeah he'll tell you when he was younger he would he would be sitting in his car listening to rush lamba like [ __ ] yeah we got to honor our contract with the people of iraq you know he'll tell you that yeah yeah yeah long island's my my wife is from long island i mean you know her every one of her family they're all trump i mean it long island's its own country it is it's nine million people back there in like brooklyn's ass and it's like they're their own country they don't go anywhere else they don't leave they watch a tv and they just yeah they don't even watch fox now that's like cnn that's like they're like george soros bought that we're watching this q9 network now network dude new york is closed down like new york's closing out [ __ ] long island is wide open is it really why you could go to a restaurant like yeah people aren't wearing masks it's nuts yeah are they allowed to or are they just doing it under the radar i think long island just kind of goes like [ __ ] you you know i'm [ __ ] island yeah we're going out and [ __ ] long island yeah really [ __ ] these [ __ ] interesting interesting yeah i always enjoyed working on long island and then um in the 80s or i just was the 90s actually when i came to new york there was this weird sort of superiority
complex that people had about new york city like you either worked the city or you were a hack and i was always like god damn i guess i'm a hack because i need to do the road like that's where you make money like i would work the city and i would do gigs in the city and i'd make like 15 for a 15-minute set and i was like okay how many of these i have to do right to pay my [ __ ] rent right i don't remember was 15 bucks but i remember danger fields was slightly more so i did danger fields but when you did danger fields they didn't count it like that's not really the city yeah that's right it's in the [ __ ] city like what are you talking about the city in 1977. they should put that in the address like we're on first avenue in 1983. great club though it's closed unfortunately but did you know that standard from covington went under yeah is are they planning on reopening i heard they were i hope so i hope so you know it's a great place but you know yeah when you go to work danger fields they would like you'd have to wait you know because yeah like you said in new york you're running around doing sets and like lately when i would go there like once in the blue moon and you're like let me just fill this spot they would pay in check so you'd have to like wait but they would write it they wouldn't have it for you so you do your set and then you're just like waiting for your check by the bar and uh you got to run to another set and like you're just waiting for the check and there's a few times i was just like you know what [ __ ] keep the 25 bucks i would do danger fields just for their cheeseburgers they had the best [ __ ] cheeseburgers they would have like ground steak cheeseburgers i mean they were phenomenal they were so good it was like literally the best cheeseburger in new york city was at dangerfields at least in the 90s yeah not anymore yeah i don't even think they have a kitchen anymore i don't think they were
doing food for a while yeah oh the burgers were so good yeah like everyone knew wow everyone knew you go to go to danger fields get a cheeseburger yeah did you ever uh you know charo the uh the waiter he was a greek guy from cyprus he was still there he died i think he died just recently but he's still there he was still there until until before covert he's a guy he always comes over you just tells you the most racist joke he called up and he says with the great guy like how come the point how do you get a one-armed bulldog out of a tree he's like wave and then he laughs to himself [Music] he's like a 80 year old greek guy did you scotty um scotty was the the power lifter guy who was the doorman not there anymore yeah scotty used to make his own weights he used to fill uh like uh a bucket like uh like one of these you know those big white plastic buckets fill it up with cement and he would uh he would lift them wow he would put like a pole in between them and do like he was a tank of a man yeah i remember one time during like some extra rowdy show it might have been one of those prom shows i'm not really sure but he i remember he picked a guy up by his neck he grabbed the guy grabbed him by the back of the neck and put a hand on his belt buckle or in his belt rather and hoisted him in the air and was carrying the guy out and the guy was like jesus yeah i mean he had like real work strength yeah he was built like a barrel yeah like he wasn't built like a bodybuilder he was like a barrel yeah and he would always [ __ ] on you no matter no matter how but in a fun way like no matter how good your set was he goes oh you tricked him again with that [ __ ] shite act of yours he would always keep you in check yeah yeah good guy that that was i
i really missed that kind of [ __ ] on you humor when i came to l.a where l.a everyone was like extra nice to you like for no reason they were like fake nice and in new york they would [ __ ] on you yeah it was like it was like a fun thing they would [ __ ] on you with a smile yeah and you felt good about it was a warm and comics would do it ruthlessly to each other when i came to l.a no one was doing that yeah it's a weird thing when you're from new york that's how you communicate with your friends kind of yes you grow up and i mean boston takes it to another level where it's like the ball breaking is like they get a little too mean they go mean yeah i mean i i did laugh boston once this guy came up to me afterwards and he was like the first thing he said to me was that i needed to change my outfit he was like you dressed too good for here oh yeah he was like yeah you know [ __ ] you sneak it like he was just like just a critique they're just aggressive they're a little too aggressive a little too aggressive yeah well it's one of the rare places where people would still have street fights every night and and they wouldn't pull weapons like i remember when we were in faneuil hall when the comedy connection was in faneuil hall i went there with chris mcguire and uh we went to mcdonald's afterwards we were walking across the street we saw a [ __ ] giant brawl like happen right in front of mcdonald's and chris and i were like you know there's something cool about this place like it's the last place where people actually fight they're not shooting each other they're not stabbing each other they just agree yeah they just agree to fisticuffs yeah that's there's something nice about that that's like manchester like uh in england do you ever go to manchester oh yeah i mean they they just fight yeah they look for fights that's where michael bisping is from i believe i believe he's from manchester united that's a [ __ ]
fist of cups down and then there's like those guys just can't handle their liquor like nighttime there's just piles of vomit everywhere you gotta avoid them like a speed skater like they just love to fight and drink yeah yeah england's an interesting place it's a fun place to do stand-up they really love stand-up yeah they're so it's interesting because they are brawlers in a lot of ways but they're also polite like the american stand-up never really happened in england the same way and like their stand-up style is very different you know it's more uh like um performance it's more like because they're kind of like the country you look at their history it's like they have a deeper appreciation for live performance than like we do because they go back it's the land of shakespeare sure you know and that's why like actors like when they make those videos i just i i i yearn for the days where you just like we worship the writer and not like what do you do you're reading his lines you know and i'm worshiping you because your face is nice well there's levels to it right like there's a daniel day-lewis level you know there's he's on it alone you could actually probably call it the daniel day lewis level like michael jordan of daniel lewis of yeah i love that he goes make shoes in italy when he's off yeah well that's what he's doing now only yeah he's a cobbler i believe i believe he's completely retired from acting wow which is so strange yeah but when you go like you watch like there will be blood like who who who can do that just daniel there's like one or two other people out there you know like christian bale's capable of it he can hit some crazy highs and he's one of those guys that [ __ ] his body up too yeah he took years off of his life for a terrible movie yeah yeah that movie the machinists the machinists it was a terrible movie yeah and the guy almost died yeah like his main focus was almost dying yeah to so he could fit the part of a guy with
severe insomnia that never slept and never ate yeah he i mean he's dedicated he's an artist gary oldman another one another one he doesn't get the credit he deserves no like well because he did some whack movies later i think after a while he's like i'm tired of this i'm just gonna do some whack movies yeah like you remember when uh you know who did that de niro de niro did some stupid like he did a narnia movie where like it was with him and was it sharon stone in him they were in like some terrible fantasy movie i forget what movie it was but i'm like oh de niro was just getting paid and then later on uh before he got divorced he was in an argument in a restaurant it was very public spat with his his wife and uh he said well if you wouldn't stop if you didn't spend all my [ __ ] money i wouldn't have to do these [ __ ] movies you know i love that when you hear about those because you know he's got to live his whole life being de niro yeah like when he's out he knows people are looking he's always got to be in control yeah and if anyone's going to set him off where he's going to have a moment that's not you know uh it's not kind of controlled by pr it's like your wife you know especially if she really is spending all of his money forcing him to do these [ __ ] movies dude yeah like if i'm gonna divorce my wife i gotta like i don't know where my career is going it's probably going nowhere i don't know but like i think about like if this gets bigger like i should divorce her now like when we get an argument i threaten divorce all the time i go right to it yeah i'm a hardliner yeah i go you know i'll be like look i could leave but then like if things start going good you got to start thinking about that like strategically yeah you got to be careful with that kind of like elevation because you do that because you're comfortable with each other i don't do that with my wife we don't we
don't get in those kind of conversations well that's because you're a better person than me yeah i'm trying i'm working on it no i'm just worried the dark part is gonna come out i don't i don't like if you start like if you start arguing and getting mean with each other the problem is they're going to get mean with you and then it's going to escalate and where's it going to go well i i'm i'm going to burn it all to the ground guys me too i can't you you follow me on twitter so you know i don't want to go there with my wife i'm never going to go there with her i won't go even if she ever divorces me i will be nice to her so the day i die it's the way to go and i'm getting better like now that i've had i have a baby it's like that's the thing man well the thing is the babies right and that's the thing is like you know you're like i was never really into the idea of marriage i the relationships are great but when if you boil down marriage logically my problem was it's really a contract with the state like it's you it's a legal contract with some people that you don't know and they're going to come in and and they're going to decide who's right and who's wrong you're going to get some strangers that are going to decide like where your money gets split up or how things go and then you're going to bring in lawyers and they're going to take a piece of the pie and it's their business to extract money and i've been i have very close friends that have been through horrendous divorces one of them who is still paying his ex-wife 14 years after he's been they don't have kids he deserved it he's a man yeah is he white yeah he's white he deserves it yes and he's rich so he really deserves it he's been married to a new woman for 12 years so he's literally been divorced longer than he was married and he's still paying alimony
to a woman that i mean what did he [ __ ] her so hard she can't work like what happened he he slammed into her vagina so hard it broke something and she's no longer capable of supporting herself he pays her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year yeah and she does nothing yeah so i've seen all the the madness and the nonsense but all that for me went out the window with the idea of children because i'm like okay look the commitment of money is it's a lot but the commitment of life is far greater so i'm like whatever you want you want to get married i'm 100 in i'm in i'm in i'm all in yeah i'm committed let's do it yeah but it's i don't go dark right it won't go dark right i don't allow myself right well i mean you're a weapon so you can't go dark yeah but i won't go dark with my friends either right i won't go dark right i don't no but does anyone really push you to go dark though well they could if you you escalated you know like if my friends get shitty with me i i'll tell them i love them and i'll just i'll go come on man yeah like what are we doing like i'm not going dark with my friends right and that's what i love about um and i realized that when i was doing i had a sports show for a little while on aol called two point lead and we would interview like hey oh well it was aol yeah i still got an aol email address too because i'm good at marketing yeah what here was this uh uh this was recent it was uh 2015 1415 and it was you know they were uh a lot of money before they got bought by verizon um so they were owned by time warner and this was like their big push they did a lot of programming a little they did a show with uh steve buchemi when we did the new fronts we had gronk come on we paid him like a hundred grand i did a skit with you see buscemi had a show on aol yeah what was he doing he was sitting on a
bench interviewing people outside outside in a park in a park yeah so he was one of the shows and we had we were getting like major athletes like major athletes and i remember i interviewed um uh wyatt chris weidman and he was fighting um uh he wasn't fighting the other guy we uh the anderson silva no machida i can't remember luke rockhold it might have been when he was fighting luke rockwell i can't remember um what year this was about 2015. was he the champ he was the champ so the odds are it's either vitor leoto machida it was vidor he was fighting vador oh and it was the first time i'd like sat down with like you know guys who were trained fighters and the calm it's just like a calm and a piece that like i was trying to put my finger in like what is that calm and then i realized like if like i'm in i get insecure you know but you know i'm like got nervousness and a lot of that is because i always in a situation know there's pro a probability that i could get [ __ ] up but if i walked around and i knew that 99.7 of the people i could [ __ ] up i'd be calm well chris weidman is calm like i would be calm if i was hanging out with 10 year old girls and they were trying to tell me how the world works and i'd be like that's cute let me tell you how the world really works yeah it's like that yeah especially when he was the champ yeah i mean when he was the champ first of all when chris weidman was coming up and the limitations of chris weidman legitimately are the limitations of the human body because his body started to break he started to he had knee problems and neck problems and back problems but the limitations of his mind were limitless it was there's a lot of these guys like and a lot of them are wrestlers because i think wrestlers have the strongest
brains because the strongest minds the strongest determination because that sport is so [ __ ] brutal but these great wrestlers who get into fighting like chris weidman and cain velasquez was another one the limitations of came alaska's were the limitations of his body because he started getting shoulder surgery and back surgery and knee surgery and then it all started falling apart but when he was at his peak chris weidman was a [ __ ] man strong not just but the mind too it's not it's not just the body his body was surely strong but his mind was just unbreakable he would break guys you know and and kane was the same way cain was a guy who broke guys he break them because i i really firmly believe this to this day that wrestlers because there's no go like i had jordan burrow was on the other day he's a wrestler right olympic gold medalist four-time world champion stud of a human being and when you talk to him you realize like he's just so exceptional in every way and one of the reasons why he's so exceptional is because wrestling has no glory like the people that get into wrestling they do it because it's the pursuit it's not it's not like a bentley and a mansion and watches and rings and all that [ __ ] like the the the glory is in victory it's in the pursuit and also in victory in the most difficult of circumstances which is like amateur high level world-class wrestling like those it's so [ __ ] hard so the guys like chris weidman the guys like jordan burrows the guys like king velazquez guys who excel in wrestling they there's a mindset that they have that's uh it's so interesting to be around them because they're they're because they are that calm they have that that there's a there's a level that they've reached that very few human beings outside of
wrestlers ever reached that's fascinating do you think that's changing now because they do have an outlet with mma which is great like they can go pro and become rich and kind of famous some of them but you know like jordan burroughs doesn't have any interest in in fighting i mean especially his wife doesn't want him to fight because he does make good money wrestling just has an ambassador to wrestling but i don't think i don't think they go fall into the same pitfalls that a lot of the other uh fighters fall into you know like a lot of them they just uh they they get into fame and glory and all that [ __ ] and wideman never really got into that he was just into smashing people yeah smash it yeah just just smashing people like khabib i'm gonna smash your boy he's the perfect example khabib's the perfect example the guy drives a toyota yeah okay he's worth [ __ ] millions of dollars he's the most dominant fighter in any weight class in the history of the sport and he is as calm and as humble as can be while also being incredibly confident yeah yeah and super religious yeah doesn't drink doesn't smoke doesn't party doesn't do anything he's just dedicated to smashing people i'm gonna smash your boy right i'm gonna smash your boy when he that's like samuel jackson in pulp fiction you're like oh [ __ ] it's greater because it's not fake right and he did it yeah and he did smash him and he you know with the bit the best the scariest thing that he ever said he goes i want to change his face yeah yeah yeah i want to change his face how much is the mental bat did like conor when he fought conor it was like opposites going against each other like that ultra humility versus that like you know absolute boastful well like do you think connor knew before just no like do you think he went he's gonna win and look he he won a round with khabib he won the third round and it's probably the only
round that khabib lost in his entire career like there's an argument that maybe you lost one or two rounds earlier that are real close but i mean he's he's 29-0 you have to understand how insane that is and then you have to understand the weight class he's in he's in the 155 pound weight class which is arguably the most competitive in the history of the sport right because like the arguments are like 45 55 and maybe 70 or the most competitive uh weight classes ever and he's the the most dominant guy ever in the most competitive weight class yeah i mean he's a monster he's a beast man you're in that weight class and you know you got to fight him you're like yeah do you think you question everything about yourself yeah do you think wrestlers on to that level are have an advantage in mma like because you're just eventually going to get your hands on a guy yeah well that's what he has an advantage in i mean he when he wrestles guys when he grabs them you could see the look in their face like oh my god this is different it's like an anaconda got you just different well look at his last guy that he fought is justin gaichi who's a [ __ ] killer right smashes tony ferguson smashes edson barbosa i mean he's a [ __ ] beast and a really good wrestler too but when khabib got a hold of him every time just drags him to the ground and almost submitted him at the end of the first round and then submitted him in the second round well he said he wanted it submit he didn't want to hurt him do you think that was true yeah yeah he said like i didn't want to do it that way because his parents were there well that's some [ __ ] ill [ __ ] to say like i'll just wait till next round do it a little softer well they were friends justin actually they have the same manager and justin actually helped him cut weight earlier in his career because cutting weight
is uh i don't know have you ever spent some time in the sauna i have i went i did some shows in sweden yeah yeah there's a there's a moment in the sauna that comes around like minute 13 14 especially if it's like a hot minute three for me when you start looking around you're like you look at your watch and you're like [ __ ] like how do i do this i want to get out now and you don't you you don't get out you stay in and so it's like you need support and like a lot of times the guys will have guys cut weight with them and they'll come and sit with you and give you support because like as much as khabib is like his mind is a a [ __ ] a vault a bank vault i mean his mind is impenetrable even a man like him we will use encouragement from other people and you support and love and friendship from other people and justin helped him cut weight wow and i think they were he was they had a bond because of that so when he fought conor he wanted to change his face he wanted to smash smash a boy with gaijin he's just like i'm gonna beat him and i'm gonna beat him the way i would beat a friend it's like you're beating up your brother yeah like you go like you know i'm gonna hurt you but not you're my brother so it's gonna like i'm gonna do it so you can he he went to submissions faster than he has in any other fight he's ever had god he's not good he's not good he almost caught he fought with a broken toe too by the way wow snapped like he took a they showed an x-ray of his toe after the fight he broke his toe in training right and a lot of guys would have pulled out of that fight if you look at the fight i watched it yesterday actually while i was working out he had his toes taped together right that's it that's the brace right that's the cast right a little piece of tape connecting his toes when you break your toe that's all you can do right is really just tape it up he's that
extraordinary human being and uh it's his mind i mean his body obviously is uh ridiculous too but his body is ridiculous because of his mind yeah you know and he just comes from a place that like you know what did joe dimaggio say like uh and so rich rich guys can't make the big leagues he comes from a place that probably like getting in the octagon is like the easiest thing he's done in his entire life i mean there's those videos of him as a kid wrestling i mean it's like you got you got to get in the ring with him you're going like how can i grapple better than a bear well it's also dagestan in in particular it's like there's so many good fighters i mean great fighters that have come from this one region of the world right afghanistan is just filled with killers yeah there's that other guy now who's just like smashing people too yeah uh yeah magamet sharapov he's he's smashing people islam makachev is smashing people he's from dagestan there's a lot of great guys from dagestan i mean there's so many of them like we get these new guys all the time or i'm doing commentary and i look at this guy in his name and i'm like where's that there you go right and you see him and he's a murderer yeah just just assassins is that because like wrestling was huge over there and then they wrestling's huge over there and also just the mentality you know they play a game of basketball where you don't dribble the ball you wrestle and you submit each other they literally yeah they hold on to the ball and they try to steal it from each other they tackle each other they submit each other it's the craziest [ __ ] game yeah yeah those guys are going to rise to the top and fighting yeah exactly that's where they took a sport and they turned it into a fight too easy with the dribble yeah let's play tennis but instead of the ball we hit this guy over the net yeah it's
like rugby with armbars it's crazy yeah my friend will harris he uh he um goes over there and films uh khabib and his camp during the whole thing and he filmed this i saw that and he said he said nobody's gonna be khabib and i saw an interview with him and he goes he goes you to see where he's from man like yeah and nobody's going to beat him yeah it's it's different it's different you know it's like comfort is not a fighter's friend it's just not no you know you're going up against luke rockhold he's like yeah you know he's cocky he's got a good kick but he's like i gotta go model for ralph lauren after this and khabib is like yeah man i gotta go wrestle a bear and climb a cliff and well luke you know luke is a rare guy that even though he is beautiful was a handsome guy this is a handsome yeah he beat weidman yeah he did and smashed him too yeah you know and he beat weidman when wyden was in his prime right you know luke is tough man he's tough despite his beautiful face yeah that's why you actually got me into mma a lot because i remember there was a time where you were advocating for it and you were talking you were talking like hey boxing's a beautiful sport but it's limited yeah and it's like there's no way you can argue that especially when we got into this era especially with floyd mayweather where he just he mastered it where he would fight hold knew how to not hit and like fights get kind of boring he would win on points yeah and mma is so exciting because like you said it's so hard like what khabib did to go undefeated because anyone could lose on any night you don't see a kick when there's so many weapons coming out you gotta you gotta you gotta play against the shoot you gotta you know you're you know anything can happen and it when you're watching a fight you're like anything could happen right now it's the wildest of all sports for sure
it's the wild it's the closest sport that mimics an actual fight yeah it's the wildest sport there's only one sport that's slightly wilder that's left way and left way it just really has never it's never really achieved like full acceptance in the united states but uh they have they have head butts and they they have no gloves well that's what ufc used to be with that sort of yeah yeah but there was the thing about left way is there's no take well there's takedowns but there's no like ground and pound and submissions and [ __ ] like that yeah once the once they made that little uh you know they amended the sport a little bit with that it really helped because that would get brutal yeah like the marker like these roided up dudes just [ __ ] and you're going like even men are turning away like jesus christ man is gone mark coleman's move he would take guys down and then just smash them with headbutts ground and pound them and smash them i remember yeah headbutts are legit man yeah and those crazies you just take it and just patiently their face would turn into a pizza until they got like an ankle i mean i remember watching one of those fights where then finally he got like an ankle or a yeah or an arm and he just ended it but he got up and his face was just different yeah well that was that changed the world when when the ufc came around in 1993 because all these people had this idea of what martial arts were everybody thought it was like a chuck norris movie you're throwing kicks and you know like two guys are coming at you you do a jumping split and you kick both of them yeah but when they saw what a fight really is it's like a lot of it is like grappling on the ground and that this smaller relatively small he was like 175 pounds hoist gracie beat all these gigantic guys like chemo was like 265 the guy was like 90 pounds bigger than him legitimately right yeah he arm barred him yeah yeah because uh i mean nobody even really knew what brazilian jiu jitsu was until that
like oh yeah you get a you know and it's funny like do you do you think like bruce lee because bruce bruce lee's like this myth bruce lee had this thing like this mythical aura about him where everyone was like bruce lee but now that you see mma you're like does he know how to wrestle because well bruce lee was the first guy that actually incorporated all these other different styles like judo and jiu jitsu and submissions he incorporated those into his his style which he called jeet kune do he invented a style and you it's hard to think of how much impact that guy had because you kind of have to put yourself back in 1970 you got to put yourself back in the days when he was becoming popular because there was no one like him everyone who did a style back then whether it was judo or karate you were taught that your style was the only style like even when i was coming up and i was doing taekwondo i started working out with boxers and my instructor was discouraging it he was saying you're like you don't need to do that you could train your boxing here i was like can i really though like i i realized early on like no like you you need to see who does the best of all these different disciplines like where i started working out with judo guys and that was a real wake-up call but the biggest wake-up call was when i started doing jiu jitsu the first wake-up call was the first time i got leg kicked i was like oh like this is terrible like you realize like you get kicked a couple of times in the leg and your legs don't work and then you can't kick people yeah like okay i need to understand this and then jiu jitsu was just i was just getting raped i was literally getting just torn apart and and by guys my size too that was the other thing they weren't bigger than me they just knew they were skilled they were looking for it's almost like uh
they just look for a weakness and opening and then things you would never think of like a hand and arm and ankle well it's just they do that all the time it's just like when a heckler tries to challenge you and it's like they think they're funny around the the gas station or whatever like listen i do this every night right like this is not gonna work out well for you and this is the same thing with jiu jitsu it's like they do it every day they understand it you're you're literally trying to have an argument with someone you know three words right and they have the full dictionary at their disposal right that's what it's like yeah so jiu-jitsu guy always has an advantage unless the other guy also knows jiu-jitsu well pretty much everybody knows some jiu-jitsu now but in the beginning jiu jitsu guys had a huge advantage i mean that was what everybody wanted they wanted to like if you were a black belt brazilian jiu jitsu everybody's like oh my god stay off the ground with that guy right well that was where vitor [ __ ] everybody up is because he was a black belt in jiu jitsu but also he was a lethal striker and no one had ever seen that before because when he when one of my first ufc that i ever worked at was in 1997 and vitor was 19 years old and he won the heavyweight tournament and no one had ever seen anything like this this guy was [ __ ] shredded 19 years old just jacked and just lighting people up on fire and it was crazy to watch because no one had ever seen a brazilian jiu jitsu black belt that also had phenomenal striking and that's what's great about mma is like it keep it kept evolving guys now i gotta learn jiu-jitsu yeah i gotta learn how to leg kick i gotta work on my muay thai that was like when that gaichi kabifa you could tell his strategy was like i'm gonna try to get his legs and khabib's just like yeah just like he was taking kicks like well he got he got close he got one of those he got
swallowed with one of those there's a few of those kicks to his lower leg that had put him in a bad place and uh geichi was landing [ __ ] bombs they were they were horrible leg kicks but khabib took them and figured out a way to get the fight to the ground yeah but there's no other sport where in the past like from 1993 to 2021 it's unrecognizable like it's so much better right like if you go back to baseball in 1993 and you watch baseball today not that much different arguably not as good because they can't do steroids as easily you know kind of help the game and you can't i mean sosa mcguire that that brought baseball back and those kids were roided up yeah for sure it looked like he-man characters dude when i used to work i used to be a fitness trainer at the boston athletic club and jose canseco came in once when he was in the prime of his career yeah and he was a giant human being yeah just a tank of a man he walked and i was like jesus this is when he was at the top and everybody's like conseco's coming in gonzago's coming in and he walked in the building like wow like you don't realize how big an elite pro athlete on steroids yeah on everything he was on all the steroids and he dropped dime on everybody that whole era is a little tainted it's a little weird that's very unfortunate yeah because that room they just kept going yeah they should have just kept kept i mean like keep it going why did he have to did he get caught and then you have to come clean like what happened it was um i no i yeah they were wrong yeah there was one guy there was one like guru steroid guy they figured out a way to do a cream a cream like to circumvent i think that's later oh is that late yeah that's the clear yeah yeah i had that guy that was the head of balco i had him on the podcast right those victor contest so that was the generation after i don't really remember why conseco ratted everybody out but i mean do you remember
he's like the sammy the bull of baseball a great reason but at the time so like 2000 when was that uh mark mcguire time like 2000 or 99-ish it was when sammy sosa was still shortly about dominican looking still brown he wrote a book it looks like a lot more i don't know it's called juiced you know if there's a reason why yeah juice wild times rampant roids smash hits and how baseball got big did he get kicked out of baseball or something did something happen no he was still playing even honestly recently i think but no because not when he wrote yeah but for who but not when he wrote that book when he wrote that book was he still playing or was he suspended or something um we're like baseball real baseball fans like you don't know [ __ ] yeah you [ __ ] done in the mlb in 2001 and so the book came out a couple years after let me see okay so they probably kicked him out of baseball or his career was over for whatever reason he fought for a while you know did he really yeah yeah he fought um a gigantic man oh god damn i'm trying to remember was it mma hangman choi yeah he fought hongman troy no i think it was a yeah i think it was mma he fought hong man choi in japan and uh because jose canseco had an actual background in karate he was a martial artist he tried throwing some kicks and i think he popped his knee and fell down and then hong manchoi beat the [ __ ] out of him but it was one of those deals where like you know he needed money and yeah they offered him a fight literally against a seven foot man yeah hong man troy was a legitimate giant yeah like yeah gigantic gigantism i think i've seen youtube videos of that guy yeah his head is as big as my whole torso yeah he's enormous yeah i hate when like yeah i mean it's like you're gonna get you're gonna get wrecked against a trade mma guy like you like didn't james tony try to do that too or yeah he fought yeah randy couture ankle picked him he
just hit him with a low single took him down and just he submitted him and did herschel walker try herschel walker he's a real [ __ ] smashed people yeah herschel walker when he was in his late 40s was smashing people yeah you know there's like daniel day lewis of acting yeah herschel walker is the herschel walker of athletes he does ballet too yeah dude he can do anything yeah but i'm telling you man when he would when he would fight like you it would literally be like a bull in a china shop like guys were couldn't they couldn't deal with his athleticism and power and also i mean in his 40s and also his martial arts talent he really was a legitimate martial artist and was training with kane velasquez and daniel cormier he was training at american kickboxing academy so he's legit he went to the best gym in the country yeah i mean in terms of like wrestling and heavyweights arguably the best gym when when dc and uh and um cormier or when cormier rather and cain velasquez were in their prime that's when jose can't excuse me herschel walker was training with them right so he was training with and not just those guys i mean there were so many good fighters there was josh thompson it was like that that it was just a luke rockhold it was like a camp filled with assassins and herschel was training with them yeah so it wasn't like he went to some like [ __ ] ass [ __ ] mcdojo gym at the mall and they had them they held the pads for him and tiger shulman yeah tiger shulman's legit though he's legit right yeah but legit businessman too i mean those are all over the island yeah see tiger shulman's is a weird one because you would think because it was a chain of karate schools that oh it's you know it's kind of like mcdojo-ish but it's not like tiger shulman has raised some legit mma fighters yes man there's there's some [ __ ] top-notch guys that there's a guy named lyman good who's in the ufc right now he looks like he's sculpted out of [ __ ] granite he's one of the scariest looking human
beings like physically impressive human beings to ever compete in a sport he's a tiger shulman guy wow yeah there's a bunch of guys that uh that uh fight out of tiger shulman's yeah look at that slime and good damn savage damn and just smash that picture up top where he's like in the fight right there yeah look at that imagine that guy on the side of the octagon coming for your [ __ ] soul yeah and that's all natural you think that's that knows why ask why don't i don't know baseball [ __ ] i mean it's like babies look at him in that picture yeah he's ripped that's shane burgos he's another guy who is a uh who's a tiger shulman guy yeah they i mean they had a lot of very very legit guys and tiger shulman he adapted shaquille o'neal agrees to fight jose canseco when is this come on march 14 2012 i say come on but you know what [Laughter] the thing about baseball is it needs to it's the only sport that's like hanging on to the past where like all these sports have adapted basketball the shot clock they keep adapting with the times baseball's the only one that's resistant to change and goes no no it's america's past time they even got mad when they did like the the little rule where you can't step out of the baiters batter's box it's like things are moving quicker now you gotta we gotta have like someone on the sidelines with like a loaded gun like yeah shooting like a blind guy just [ __ ] firing and it's something to speed it up or steroids or something yeah but people love it they like to get drunk and eat hot dogs it's a great social game but now you go there it's like corporate you get sushi sushi at a ballpark it's like i'm not there to have sushi i'm there to have a hot dog get diarrhea drink 11 budweiser that's what i'm there to do yeah hot dogs are the move i mean that's a that's a baseball type in popcorn right yes popcorn cracker jacks baseball foods yeah yeah i
got bored with i played baseball when i was a kid and that's actually how i found martial arts how i really got into martial arts was i went to see a baseball game at fenway park i went to see a sox game and uh me and my buddy were coming home and i was 14 at the time we were walking and we had to get on the tee and uh the t is the boston uh train system yeah and the lines are so huge we were we were walking like that's the new york subway yeah okay but now i understand yeah it's not as you know obviously not as extensive and it's outside it's it's not underground so we uh we got to this uh we're walking towards the train station and i found this taekwondo school and i walked up and it was the craziest divine timing of all i walked up the stairs and as i was walking up the stairs to this taekwondo school i heard this crazy sound like womp [ __ ] [ __ ] like a like a metal like a thud and then metal and i didn't know what the [ __ ] that sounded like chains and metal i was like what is this i went up there and there's this guy john lee and john lee was the national champion he was preparing for the world cup and he was in his peak training and he was kicking this bag with a spinning back kick and he was literally folding this bag in half and then it was hanging from a chain so he heard the whoop when his heel slammed into the bag and then would [ __ ] like the bag would slam you know go flying and the chains would rattle and i remember being a 14 year old kid standing there staring at this guy just smashing this bag and i remember thinking like i want to learn how to do that and i signed up that day wow and that became my whole life right like from that moment on i was there every day until i was like 22. right like literally became my whole life right from that one moment just going up there and seeing this guy but like i could have gone up there in the little kids practicing and it would have been like
the [ __ ] out of here but what i saw was so insanely impressive that i uh i uh immediately signed up do you think this is sort of like a free will versus like destiny question do you think like that's because you had something in you that that connected to like if i walked by there i'd be like what's that noise and then i'm like all right let me go get a burger or whatever like you think it's because like it was like meant to happen like there's something in you that that it's that's a tricky one to buy into you know you could say like that's my destiny but uh it just appealed to me you know i mean i've i'd seen a lot of other things that didn't appeal to me right like i was just at a baseball game where i saw the best baseball players in the world right professionals right play i didn't give a [ __ ] i was like yeah but why that's my question like you think that's just like it's in you like that's like your genetic kind of pre like you're predisposed to it i guess they would say like it clicked on it hit all my switches pushed all my buttons yeah i was like that's what i need to do right well you had a talent for it because you you got good at it like a chance i didn't have a talent in the beginning i mean i i got good because i was obsessed but whatever it was you know like you just got to find your thing for me at the time that was my thing you know i just found my thing and then stand up was my thing when i found that too very similar to fighting too you're up there alone like yeah all the jargon is like kill smack punch line like crush yeah crush yeah yeah yeah kill him yeah yeah in a way yeah in a way but also in a way that you know it requires you to spend time on your own disciplining yourself and one of the things that separates comics from comics that don't do well is the time they spend writing you know in some comics they get great but they don't write
they don't write you know and some comics have an interesting way or like bill burr i think is the most fascinating way of writing because what bill is basically doing is two days a week he does a solo podcast like uh just uninterrupted stream of consciousness and out of that is coming from the best comedy we've ever experienced because he just sits by himself and talks [ __ ] right like i was listening to talk [ __ ] about the apple store today yeah and these [ __ ] [ __ ] in this [ __ ] apple store i just went down there i wanted i wanted i wanted a [ __ ] ipad and you know and he'll he's got no one interrupting him so it's just him in his office by himself with a microphone and just thinking and talking and that's it's a workout it's a type of workout you know whether you're sitting in front of a laptop whatever the [ __ ] you're doing like whatever you're doing to kind of create some guys don't do that they just want to go on stage and so they go on stage and then they just sort of spout out what they've already done and maybe they had a tag here or a little bit there but they don't develop the way a guy like bill turns over material yeah you know and i think if you ask him uh sin when he started a podcast his his comedy went to another level because of that probably yeah 100 yeah it really did yeah i mean there's no doubt about it he was always great you know bill was always he he had talent he's got a perspective he's got an he's got balls you know i saw him out here uh he was out uh he performed at one of these outdoor amphitheaters freezing cold outside i had my [ __ ] jacket zipped up to my neck sitting there freezing on the sidelines watching but it was fun to watch real wild comedy you know he's still doing wild comedy yeah you know like like there's no one that can take them down like there's no canceled culture like you know just saying all the [ __ ] that
he thinks of yeah he kind of just he he performs like it doesn't exist like cancer culture doesn't exist kind of like the way jack johnson just kind of jack john you ever see that documentary jack johnson um yeah where he just like lived his life as if racism didn't exist and people like didn't even know what to make of him that hanged a lot of white chicks he did in their face during a time where like you get lynched for that [ __ ] he was he almost seemed like he was taken from another era and put into he would talk [ __ ] while he was [ __ ] you up he had gold t he had gold fronts i mean before hip hop i mean he like he almost looks like he was like time traveled yeah well you know it's interesting his nickname was the galveston giant you know he was only like six feet tall or six foot one i think i don't think he was even i i might have been 200 pounds yeah you know like how good pull up how tall and how much did jack johnson weigh six foot tall yeah galveston giant a giant six foot you're six foot tall right yeah yeah how crazy is that you're a giant yeah people had no food back then yeah they didn't grow that big they didn't have any food dude yeah this is how [ __ ] soft we are yeah people were tiny back then like if you look at the average size of the civil war yeah an average man was 130 pounds yeah because they didn't have any [ __ ] food yeah they must have looked like abe lincoln like holy [ __ ] this guy's tall he's like six two not that big yeah i mean yeah but jack johnson was guys got big balls literally look at that package zach huge [ __ ] i'm sure yeah look at that right there i mean you gotta think this is there's no steroids back then yeah there's just superior genetics and also just [ __ ] hardship right you know talk about khabib growing up in dagestan imagine being a black man as a boxer back when they all wanted white men to be the champ
at the size of him man yeah shredded he was shredded built like uh like a modern elite athlete yeah and this is you know what year was that turn of the century what year was it jamie did say that he was a champ was it like 1908 like early early turn of the century i started eating a little bit there what can you do buster douglas it happens in between fights what that right there yeah he looks like he had a couple cheeseburgers or whatever well what does it say here just say there it says uh he was born in he died in 46. he was born in 1878 wow so it's probably the early early 1900s and but they would get giant ass crowds and you barely could see anything yeah you know and all guys had top hats you ever see the the crowds yeah they're wild yeah city lost over 100 pounds to get into that fight what in 1910 yeah he hadn't fought in six years and had to lose well over 100 pounds to get back into his championship fighting weight really yeah it was yeah he's probably just drinking and eating yeah living like a killer the guy he fought oh who did he fight was that jefferies yeah yeah yeah james jeffries yeah yeah oh well that makes sense well they brought jeffries in to try to beat him because jefferies was the former champion and he was a big kid too right jim jeffries like uh he's a big fellow yeah but you know they were that's where the great white hope kind of probably originated they were trying to beat him oh yeah yeah sure that's exactly where it came from yeah and then he was he was about to win that fight and they cut the broadcast what's happening they cut the cast back yeah they they was like the first televised boxing match and he was a i forget who he was fighting some white guy number five or six whatever they were putting up well this is uh and before he knocked them out
they just caught the broadcast because they didn't want the the country to see it they had broadcasts back then it's towards the end yeah i mean like uh yeah fight fight huh well i think it was that fight it wasn't that fun when did they have tv when did tv what was the first television broadcast i want to say 1940. was the first let's let's figure out when the first television broadcast was yeah i mean his i know that yes one's the first television i'm gonna say like uh 1917. 1977 yeah back in the day people would talk like yeah why did they talk like that welcome to the fight yeah 1928 was the first broadcast so one of his fights was broadcast right i don't know man it was one of the states they owned it i don't know i don't think they did i don't think they did i wa i want to say if that was the case it was like way late in his career they think like even like when he lost he like lost later in his career they think he took a dive because there's a there's a video of it where it doesn't really look like he's hurt he just lays down like they might have threatened him or you know he might have got a big payday to take a dive there's always a lot of speculation in boxing yeah about guys taking dives especially the mob was heavily involved in it oh yeah my god and you might imagine the amount of money you could win betting on a white guy against jack johnson yeah a lot of money [Music] one of his quotes i remember like he was so wild i think he got it he used to like drive a fast car he made some money and it was fast back then 35 35 miles an hour yeah like wow he uh he got a ticket and the guy he was like hey don't give me a ticket now he was like cause i'm gonna drive back yeah you give me two tickets well he no what it was is that they gave him a ticket for fifty dollars because here's a hundred because i'm gonna be going the same speed the way back wow yeah
that's not giving a [ __ ] i mean he had no [ __ ] to give yeah i mean what are you gonna do guys like him almost like uh when you look at history like um you know is this sort of just a natural evolution like no certain guys move history forward oh yeah yeah yeah certain human beings are so spectacular in their time frame that it changes what we expect yeah yeah it changes our expectation look look at comedy prior richard pryor's that yeah richard pryor changed comedy he did he changed what he comedy became super honest you know like whereas comedy before was like a lot of jokes yeah and then there was lenny bruce and then from lenny bruce there was richard pryor yeah so i think lenny bruce sort of opened the door and richard pryor burst through it right and he changed comedy yeah changed it i think probably if we look back podcasts are gonna change comedy in some way because it's so honest like you you know it's like like you were saying you i remember watching like uh a late night set back and then you see roseanne and you're like holy [ __ ] that was amazing and it's because it's the only thing you knew it was like the wildest thing to see then but then when cable happened and then you saw like hbo you're and then you go back and watch that set you're like wow that's really tame you know right and now it's like podcasts are is like the only it's taking it to a new level where people are like really being genuine and really being uncensored and right and maybe changing people's conditioning well it's also the first time where famous people are being themselves right in an open forum where millions of people are watching right whereas before everyone's guarded and they're worried about their next gig right whereas this is my gig that's a good point this is my gig forever and i own it so
like uh why would i change yeah i don't have i don't have an incentive yeah right the incentive was then always to prepare yourself for a role you're going to get hired to do this you're going to get accepted by this you're going to get brought in to do that back then it wasn't you know it was it wasn't there was no benefit in being real right the benefit was in you like you know towing the line and you see that from actors today and it's so sad like they're they're they're cucks yeah forced into this position where they have to they have to kowtow they have to they have to speak all the woke lingo and they have to do all the right things if they don't they won't get hired and they know it and they're scared they're operating scared yeah and i think one of the benefits of podcasts and one of the things that people reflect to is like oh my god that guy's a real person right but that's who he really is right and you know the you hear a guy talk for three hours i mean unless you're a complete sociopath yeah it's gonna and and then that's gonna come through you'll see that this guy doesn't give a [ __ ] about anybody but himself right right you're gonna see it right and that's why i think hollywood's probably having such a hard time competing because now because that's changed the conditioning where you can see oh this is real yeah that it seems more fake it seems contrived well it made late night television look like [ __ ] ham radio yeah it makes late night television look like morse code yeah that's what it makes it look like it's so strange that they have to cut every seven minutes for a commercial it's so strange they can't swear yeah it's so everything's so strong it sucks it sucks i mean it's just like even when you're performing i remember when i was like i had this i had a show on fusion which was this network that failed and we i was with two journalists i remember
fusion yeah and uh like you just even your whole body posture is fake and everything you don't touch your face even if it itches because you look like a crack head on tv if you even touch your nose and like right you know i remember i'd have full panic attacks and i would just stand there and just be dealing with it you know how about in between breaks they'd powder your forehead yeah they come and they touch you it's like they put like makeup on you even when i look at my comedy central half hour like the makeup looks stupid yeah it's like it's caked on dude i did a uh i did a show in 1993 and uh they put so it was a stand-up show with uh jay london you know jay london no you know jay london [ __ ] great comic um me and jay and there's some other people on the show but i remember jay and uh they made me up so much they put they literally put mascara on me yeah i mean i don't know it looks like at least there's so much powder on my face it was so crazy and the lady was insuring me that listen i was like oh my god this is too much makeup she goes no no under the lights it's going to look normal it did not look normal right i look so made up and from that moment on i like [ __ ] refused makeup right yeah i used to hide from the makeup girl before the [ __ ] they used to have to call me the set that's crazy they were used to try to put makeup on me during the ufc i'm like do you know how crazy this is yeah because at one time i came to the ufc and i had two black eyes from training you know just from jiu jitsu from friends actually it's just accidental black eyes and uh they were like we're gonna cover those i go why would you do that yeah i go here i am doing commentary for guys are going to get their [ __ ] heads punched in right they're going to get their their literally their forehead smashed by a shin right and you want to put makeup on i'm like let's just yeah like the fan base is looking going you know yeah joe
should have worn makeup leave my black eyes yeah it gives me some legitimacy yeah at least lets people know i'm getting after it yeah because you can't do this yeah but the the makeup thing is a strange like i get it with women and i appreciate it like what let's keep going yeah it's culture you want to wear lipstick and you look great i don't mind i don't care but for men like come on yeah what are you what are we doing here yeah are we pretending yeah yeah it's yeah women women don't care what you're they actually like it if you look unmade up yeah your forehead's shiny you need to stop that yeah who's getting mad because my forehead's shining who is that nobody cares what's happening here yeah what are we doing yeah but for the longest time it was the standard yeah and you can't question it just because it becomes habit it's just kind of like exactly yeah and everyone goes like no that's what you do and yeah yeah well they made me do it on fear factor for like the first couple seasons yeah and then after a while i'm like stop just stop stop stop some guys eating the [ __ ] eating roaches and then they cut and powder you up but you're like just nobody really cares [ __ ] the contestants would be laughing at me because they were powdering me i'm like i know i know i'm sorry i'm sorry that they're doing this to me you know where that really shined through um what we're talking about kind of like that uh people just act that way and then until they realize this is stupid was like your incident with stephen a smith that was very intriguing to me because when he came in and he started doing the kind of the sports talk which i love and i like stephen a smith because he's controversial fun he's fun he's fine and he gets you jacked up and he's charismatic i like him a lot he has a strong opinion but like which is why i didn't get mad at him yeah but it didn't for me personally my
it didn't work for mma for some reason it didn't work and that's because like there's something nice after you beat someone up like that you're humble about it like it's because it takes so much courage to get in there and like fight like it's the scariest thing and like there's something really cool about that you would think in american culture it's like ah you know to talk [ __ ] get him involved but like khabib proves like you could be a box office draw and not be an absolute [ __ ] dick well stephen a smith was applying the same sort of methods that he uses for basketball and football and it's made him an amazing career you're right so he it's normal that he applied that to mma but i feel like mma requires a different approach in in ins and and i guess a lot of people agreed because he doesn't really do it anymore right and the the approach is that you have to appreciate respect his his approach was the same way the guy fumbles a bunch of free throws or [ __ ] up in you know football or you know strikes out like he didn't show up he didn't show up but the difference between combat sports is the reason he didn't show up is conor steamrolled him right conor steamrolled cowboy and cowboy is a friend of mine right and first of all i would never talk bad about cowboy i love that guy to death donald cerrone is a good friend i love him every time i see him i hug him i can't talk bad about him i know i know the pressures of fighting i know what it meant to be there and i know what it meant to be there in the biggest fight of his career and stephen a smith had some points he had some really good points like donald didn't perform to the best of his ability and donald he he got overwhelmed by the superior fighter that's just how it is but my perspective was not the same because my perspective is that it's really what conor mcgregor did to donald cerrone that led to the outcome it's not that
donald didn't show up is that conor was superior so my position is always to highlight the one who is effective to talk positively about the one who who dominated and who had a spectacular performance it's never to talk badly about the one who got his ass kicked yeah because i've been i've been hit before i've been [ __ ] up before i've been i've lost before i know what it feels like and i've been around these guys i know who they are i know they're they're i know everything i know everything about their ability i know everything about their history i know everything about their their their career like i respect them to the core i will never talk badly about them so i never talk badly about someone who doesn't perform to the best of their abilities so our exchange although it was respectful it was indicative of a different philosophy it's a different sport because like if you're talking about basketball you know you're talking about a sport you're talking about a guy who throws a ball into a net it's very difficult they're paid extremely well because it's so entertaining and they're so good fighting is who you are it's a per it's a it's who you are as a human it's it's your soul you're exposed you're literally naked you have a cup over your dick you have shorts over your ass that's it right that's all you have you have little pads on your knuckles and then you have your personality your flaws your your your pros and cons exposed to the world and you have to be charitable you have to be because it's almost like if i was going to use an analogy with another sport it was almost like because you get hurt in mma like donald cerrone was hurt yeah so like it's fine when you're watching basketball to be like this team didn't show up when all the guys go back to the locker room and they're just like
emotionally dejected but like it would be like if you watch a guy break his leg in basketball or like really gets hurt and then you go he didn't show up you know that you know and so you're going like that's not the right tone to have when someone's actually physically been hurt i know i know but you know and stephen a smith you know we disagreed and we went back and forth and even the way he responded was very respectful and i really appreciate that like the way he responded to me about that was very respectful he's a good guy yeah he's just got he's a thing he's doing a thing and he's [ __ ] great at it he's doing his thing he's doing his thing and you know what was interesting about that moment is i think we all learned as a fan from a fan perspective oh that's the tone of mma for for that reason like you know at the end it's like there's a reason why let guys go battle each other because that guy must have so much respect for that guy because he knows what that guy put on the line exactly and he knows how that guy's feeling you know that guy's hurt physically hurt exactly and the courage that it takes and it's like you said it's a difference between putting a ball in a hoop those things are great but that's you know you're not sacrificing your s you could really guys get hurt they get hurt for real well listen no one's ever died in mma but it's certainly possible and guys have i shouldn't say no one's died in mma no one's died in the ufc but they have died in mma they've certainly died in boxing yeah it's there's there's levels and the way i describe mma is it's high level problem solving with dire physical consequences that's pretty accurate yeah that's what it is that's my description of what it is and i will always show those guys respect but i respect stephen a smith too i like what he does yeah i think he's funny he's fun he's fun he causes arguments he make he talks [ __ ] and that's why he's so huge yeah he's so huge because he does that
thing and it's applicable for sports it's applicable for football but i don't i don't think you should have the same approach for mma the same way look people can criticize human beings for all sorts of different things but when you talk about soldiers and veterans right you're talking about a completely different type of consequences for their actions complete completely different levels of stress for what they have to go through right so if you if you discuss politicians you can discuss politicians in one way but when you discuss veterans right i think you have to have a level of respect right they deserve a level of respect right because they're they're dealing you know they're they're existing in a realm where the consequences are as grave as is humanly possible yeah there's no more grave consequences than war it's like when you talk and like my dad fought in korea and you can that's exemplified by when you talk to a veteran they don't talk they don't go like hey man we mowed down you know they're like they don't want to talk about it never you can't go to a veteran like you couldn't go to my dad and be like we really [ __ ] whoop those chinese my dad would be like my dad would be like you don't know anything about war you don't know my dad didn't feel good about it exactly i took my dad once um this was a big mistake i made this is a true story me and my friend uh we came back from camp and my dad would always take us to the movies so we we would go to the movies all the time that was back when you read in the paper and we went to see hamburger hill which was that vietnam movie yeah so we go there me and my boy uh my childhood friend my dad and during the movie my dad's just going ah he's making noises and then he starts cursing in the movie through the crowded movie like what the [ __ ] is this what did you take me to this [ __ ] [ __ ] and he's going like
this is [ __ ] you is this entertaining and we're just sitting there we're like eight years old and then he leaves and me and my friend were just sitting there and then we left we got in the car and he's screaming at us while he's driving a few times he lost it he would look back he wasn't even looking at the road he was like would you do you know what it's like if he died in your arms and and we were sitting there my friend starts crying he's [ __ ] crying scared and then there's quiet it was quiet and then he just goes you guys want to get some pizza and we were just sitting there like this like and then we went and got pizza like his moment passed yeah yeah it's a different thing it's yeah like you said it's real it's a it's as real as as anything that's ever existed we're so detached from that now yeah america's just soft yeah someone said something to me once and it's a great thing and i i wish i could remember who said it but i repeat it all the time is that the worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you so if the worst thing that's ever happened to you is uh someone uh popped your basketball you're gonna cry like a [ __ ] yeah you know i really can't believe you broke my basketball you know you break mike tyson's basketball he's going to be like well i guess i need a new basketball yeah you know what i'm saying yeah yeah it's relative yeah it's relative yeah and i think uh our society our culture you know there's an old expression that uh hard times make hard men hard men make easy times easy times make soft men yeah it's an old expression yeah and it's very very appropriate for today because when people talk about the problems of today and there are problems but our problems are relatively insignificant in comparison to the problems of history but they're the only problems that we
know that the pro the problems that we experience today are the most extreme problems that we've experienced yeah but in comparison to like the [ __ ] barbarian storming rome or you know you know the [ __ ] aztecs slaughtering 80 000 people after the completion of temples the [ __ ] mayans dying because of probably like disease you know native americans experiencing the europeans moving across the continent destroying their way of life like our [ __ ] problems are the greatest problems we've ever known but they're only great in comparison to the life that we've lived and the life that we lived it's fairly soft yeah even just when you look at plagues like the spanish flu wiped out like 40 50 million people which is equivalent to like 400 million people now you got through covent how hard was it i got to cover it i mean it was the toughest part well it's because i'm a [ __ ] kind of i was like i'm scared jamie got through in the day i would most of it was like the mental part was like i was scared just because like how the you know you turn on the media and everything's always like uh they report on everything they're like one person is paralyzed you're like all right dude that's one person did you really have to the media's got to report everything because it's like we're living through a media boom yeah it's almost like too much there's not enough news for them to cover so they're like they'll do if you reported on [ __ ] every single bad thing that happened like people would be so scared and that's what they're doing that's the problem like if you live like let's say you live in uh austin texas and you report on the worst things that happen in austin texas i mean there's a car accident here and there is a murder here and there there's a few robberies there's not a lot but a few shootings but if you look at the world
now you're talking about seven point whatever billion [ __ ] people if you have the bad news app on your phone and it's just only giving you bad news there's a [ __ ] comment at you it waves like a twitter feed all bad bad bad bad bad you you scared to go outside but we're not supposed to be getting people people listening like what is that yeah it's a lighter yeah so it sounded like i was smoking cracks goddamn torch it's a calibri the the problem is we're getting too much data like it's not applicable to our life you're supposed to get the data that's applicable to your life yeah it was like i had the oxygen monitor during my coven because like you know you want to just make sure your i had double pneumonia but because i had that's double pneumonia each lung had uh inflammation and fluid usually is only one you can get it on one side i guess but doubles on both sounds better yeah it's even at least you know you're suffering more yeah i'm trying to make it sound worse yeah double pneumonia double pneumonia it was bad um yeah but because i had it i was checking it more it's like the same thing with your phone and like news it's like because we can we just end up just checking it and worrying more and worrying more the amount that people [ __ ] the irony of it the amount that people complain and think things are bad is actually an indication of how great things are it's like the the point that people can disagree is actually a great uh it's a great sign because you go to china you can't disagree there if you're in a country where you can't have a civil disagreement you're in a country that is not great do you know what's going on with this guy jack ma no jack ma is a billionaire in china he's the head of something called alibaba which i believe is like the amazon of china yeah and uh he criticized me old neighborhood yeah i think it's
like a genie too yeah it was genius jack ma criticized the chinese government for being like behind the times can't do that yeah and he's vanished yeah and he's a billionaire he's like the one of the richest man in the world and they haven't seen him in two months yeah that happens you know and suddenly i lost and then i read like there's a history of these things happening whenever some billionaire from china talks some [ __ ] yeah they vanish them yeah this guy hasn't been seen from there whoopsie vanishing barons alibaba founder jack ma and four other chinese billionaires who mysteriously who had mysteriously gone missing oh [ __ ] and he actually did an interview jack ma did an interview with elon musk that's uh like uh on you can watch it on youtube where elon musk didn't like him it's a fun it's an awkward interview elon musk yeah well elon kind of like got gets a little like snarky with him because he's asking like dumb questions what kind of dumb questions i don't remember but uh i might not be able to be really good at english that you know maybe his questions were done yeah yeah maybe just an understanding yeah he just got kind of annoyed with what he was asking i remember he was like it was just like uh see if you can find that yeah i remember i it's definitely because i remember the kid the kid's a weird looking kid and i remember it yeah yeah he's got a giant head like yeah too smart for his own his face is normal size but his head is like i have too much knowledge which is like people who have weird stuff should look at the silver lining that like you're memorable at least you know yeah here it is jack ma and elon musk are worried about a population collapse collapse yeah that's something that people like uh on ai in shanghai oh okay yeah i don't know what happened but uh that dude has vanished that poor bastard well yeah it's a
symptom of it's a symptom in china i'm saying something that the government doesn't like i mean they're a communist regime and you know that's what they they got hong kong now and then you know under the cover of covet nobody talks about that conspiracy it's like they've been talk like war is not going to be fought anymore where people storming your border or that's that's antiquated you can't do that everyone's got thermonuclear weapons and so now nations kind of fight the way women fight passively aggressively subterfuge a little like we love you and then there's a virus that gets crept across and then we kind of just took hong kong with the security law under the cover of darkness well the weird thing is that there was these demonstrations in hong kong that were on the street forever remember those like for months and months and months and now they've sort of mysteriously vanished yeah they threw water on that [ __ ] yeah and they've been wanting hong kong and they've been vocal about it for a long time like hey like no this is one china we're gonna take it back and now it's like they're taking it back and they're doing it in a very smart like the way a smart woman would do it like i don't see a way out of it for them either for china it's like for the chinese people like i don't they're too powerful it's uh they can um i don't know man it makes a good argument for how that system has can be advantageous you know like it people who are from there who come to america who understand the dangers of it they it's it's a very eerie warning yeah you know i had melissa channing on my podcast yeah she was described i follow her she's great she's really great yeah and but her worries about china are you know like a lot of people like yeah yeah yeah but like no no she she really actually understands what the dangers are yeah and that's the dangers of accepting authoritarianism yeah authoritarianism in this country is
like there's a lot of people that like it because it silences their opponents right like this what's going on right now with like parlors getting shut down and you know amazon pulls it from their servers and then apple pulls it off of their uh app store and then google pulls it off the google play store and everybody's like yeah good they're spreading hate like hmm what percentage is spreading hate like what's the numbers and is this is this wise that we shut down all discourse that you agree with like yeah it's it's not good if someone gets on there and they they're talking about violence against the government or violence against individuals or or they're spreading racist ideas or whatever the [ __ ] they're doing that's that's that that that disturbs people and angers people you're right that's not good but i do not think that the solution is to shut them down because the real problem is that it sets a weird precedent it sets a precedent where the people that are in power can decide that something is wrong speak something is bad and you can just eliminate it completely yeah and then when things like that happen they keep going they don't just stop at that they don't stop at things that we can all agree or are terrible they they go to things that maybe you don't think are terrible right but other people do think are terrible and then they keep going further than that you see this with the left like there's a lot of people that claim to be leftists they claim to be left-wing but they're not quite left-wing enough and so they get taken out by people who are more left-wing and it gets weird because it becomes this like sort of like political ideological wrestling match yeah for control of like what is the left what is the center yeah where is the right if you disagree with anything on the left you're the right right you might be extreme right right
yeah i know that you're nazi if you yes but i think it what you're saying already happened because with this incident you're going like okay we blame donald trump's the president his rhetoric was kind of you know you can interpret it as like he kind of gave them license to go do that so shouldn't the bo the buck stop with donald trump like donald trump that's even a little bit of a debatable thing you're going like he was speaking legally you're going like that's the first amendment thing he was speaking he said peacefully you go over there there it's it gives mixed signals of course my opinion is he says we have to be strong you have to go march to the capitol he gives mixed signals and he says like we have to do this correctly we have to respect our great country like whoa whoa whoa what was that [ __ ] you said the other day right you said that they don't respect anything other than strength right like you said go march towards the cat you you're firing people up and you're firing people up but they live with their mom they're in the basement yeah they have no [ __ ] job their identity is entirely associated with this movement yeah no my opinion is that but i'm saying legally it's debatable like what he said you could argue in court but then the buck should stop there i mean it's already happening where they're going oh no let's take let's take this opportunity to shut down parliament let's take this they're going after andy knows book now let's get that out of stores let's uh they want to keep going yeah because like it's uh this orgy of kind of like let's shut down this stuff that leads to and you're like wait a second how can you prove it leads to that i mean idiots are gonna do what idiots do like and to me that was a coup attempt that was a coup attempt by guys who believe like that's what you'd expect a coup attempt would look like by guys who believe like that hillary clinton's a shape-shifter and
she turns into a reptile that's what you'd imagine it would look like what are we doing okay let's [ __ ] let's go in there with trump flags and take selfies and god so it's so dumb and let's go kidnap nancy pelosi with zip ties zip ties stacks of zip ties like more zip ties than there are members of the senate yeah if anything it was just like an inept coup attempt yeah well it's losers yeah it's losers who decided this is their moment in the sun yeah and meanwhile they're they're all covet deniers so they're not wearing masks because they're so [ __ ] stupid yeah like that guy's sitting on pelosi's office with his feet up on her table yeah like what did he think was gonna happen he thought he was winning he thought he was winning he's like this is it yeah and if you look at that guy like his bone structure is very primitive yeah you ever see the photo of that guy like he has like a chimpanzee face yeah well you know i think you know what i'm saying yeah if you did like a if you did a dna test of the people who did it i think you would find that they're like barely sliding into human like it's a it's a play at the plate like you got to go check the instant replay and see if a finger got in there they're closer to that than they are like smarter people well that dude that one particular dude see pull up a photo of that dude with his feet on on nancy pelosi he's very chimp-like yeah in his bone structure look at that look at it but go to the one on the right-hand side like look how prominent his cheekbones right there that one down there in the corner where he's got the paper he's holding up her nail her mail yeah yeah look at that come on son yeah yeah very chimp-like bone structure yeah yes and look evolution is not a [ __ ] fair race no it's not no i i realize that when i talk to guys like elon musk i'm like oh oh yeah you're way ahead of me yeah it's just he's just a different different level yeah i think i think
there's like four levels of humans there's like you got you're really dumb you got your brilliant you got guys who can kind of look at the brilliant and say he's brilliant and then you got guys a little below who can look at the guys who know that the guys are blaming like that guy's smart right and then you got your elon musk and you got your muscles the brilliant at the top yeah i've got ideas i've got ideas i can't stop them yeah just like you're talking he's looking at us like we're going like every time we speak he just hears chimp noises yeah exactly yeah i have that feeling every time i talk to him like don't say something stupid don't say something stupid yeah but like everything to him everything's being a little like yeah everything's stupid yeah he's talking he's like sorry i just uh engineering was happening here like what's going on yeah this is figuring out differential equations yeah how do you govern that [ __ ] how do you govern that [ __ ] without being a dictatorship because i look at rome and like they had the kings then they had democracy for a little bit they tried to do the greek thing but then it was just a succession of caesar's which are essentially dictators that kind of had the longest success queen elizabeth the same thing you know just a great era she was a dick she was [ __ ] and she was fierce she was a fierce [ __ ] well it really is interesting because it seems like our founding fathers kind of knew what the pitfalls were so they tried to put a bunch of checks and balances in place so no one could ever be a real dictator like they really that's why they figured out the hassle representatives that's why they figured out the whole system congress the senate all these different things like you know the electoral college they tried to map it out so no one could ever completely dominate the populace but one of the things they [ __ ] up is this idea of slavery was a big one too that's a giant that's a big we're all
free [ __ ] but also that's weird the the real problem was the like being able to vote for someone who runs the whole thing because it's a popularity contest and the thing about trump is he's the first popular person to enter the popularity contest individually like independently popular yeah like that had never happened before right and he hijacked it yeah someone who was like mastered reality tv and twitter which are like the the two mediums that became what we all are like kind of yeah zombies too well and even before that it was pop culture it was a guy was in rap songs and he was at home alone i mean he was famous for being a baller like a long time ago yeah he made himself a celebrity he's like a comic like even his twitter looks like an unhinged comic [ __ ] you know how we comics pay attention to the one negative comment and we'll respond to it like idiots like we're talking about my twitter it's like if i was president i mean it's not a good thing well how about when uh megan kelly was interviewing him when they were he she asked him a question about disparaging women or you know calling women pigs goes only rosie i mean i mean how funny is that timing perfect i mean crush he he's got great timing i mean he's used to working the crowd how about like i don't trust him you know uh and and with his uh with him in charge of the and uh when hillary goes like i don't trust him with putting people in he goes no i put you in prison yeah yeah because you'd be in jail because you'd be in jail like yeah nails it near your audience like wow but then we'd realize that we'd [ __ ] up we'd let something out of the bottle yeah and we let a genie out of the bottle it's gonna be very tough to put that [ __ ] back in i don't know how we return to normal man it's gonna be even like even when you listen to politicians now they're gonna try to
the the center and normal reasonable rhetoric just is not entertaining and now we want entertaining and i blame the media i really go back my personal opinion is the media did not adapt to the digital age they started giving articles away free online depending on ads instead of subscriptions and they increasingly got more fictionalized clickbait more clickbait headlines and then it just kept going and going and going now it's just like car crashes that's right but what are they going to do they had to survive yeah i mean i get it i mean the internet came and this is something we have to adapt to like we can't go away it's great i mean this show is because this show's great you know this is the only place you can listen to you know michael costa and then you can also listen to astronauts and cornell west cornell west and [ __ ] the greatest thinkers of the day yeah and it's like for a long time and you dig it because they're interesting people so the internet gave birth to that but then like you know without it there's no yang without a yang and then also we got you know guys who believe that reptiles are you know turning into uh democrats and democrats are drinking children's blood under pizza restaurants and [ __ ] like that so it's like because that's [ __ ] entertaining yeah like you're not gonna get a lot of followers if you're saying hey guys the right's kind of weird and the left's getting weird they're going [ __ ] that guy i want to hear about hillary clinton turning into a reptile and sucking off puppies politicians are celebrities now like nancy pelosi is this form of celebrity [ __ ] chefs are celebrities get back in the [ __ ] kitchen you fat [ __ ] i don't want to see your crocs and your [ __ ] sauce stained schmuck what are you doing outside of the kitchen why am i listening to a [ __ ] chef they're artists do your drugs back there they got to do coke
because they work long hours and like get back one of them was entertaining and unfortunately he's not here yeah he was he was the most yeah but he kind of [ __ ] ruined it man because he was so dope now i gotta listen to [ __ ] mario batella you know yeah i wish he was still around yeah [ __ ] he's a he was so great he was so like uh he was a real dude and then um you know then it becomes pop just like everything what austin's scared of with this california invasion yeah well austin's not you but they're like yeah let's keep austin off well they're worried about texas in general becoming blue yeah versus red and i think what texas needs is a blue spot in a red state i think they're better off with that they're better off with the regulations of the republicans where they allow the restaurants to stay open and they allow business and they allow even art like stand-up comedy you know i'm i'm i got a show tonight with chappelle it's stubbs you know we're doing that because we can do it in texas where it makes sense where they say okay we're going to test the people we're going to cover test the entire crowd can we jam 400 people into this place are you testing them yeah okay yeah and they're like okay good in california you can't do anything it's a great point man you can't do [ __ ] anything you can't do anything and they're like we need to protect people we need to protect people except you know except the people that are losing their [ __ ] jobs except people that are losing their business they've had for 30 years in their family yeah they're losing it because of incompetent government that doesn't recognize the fact that there's consequences to all decisions and you you can't just decide that you're going to stop business you have to think like well what does this do what's the trickle-down effect right what does this do for suicide depression alcohol and drug abuse what does this do
to domestic abuse child abuse right like there are consequences to this right like how bad is this right like we're in a bad space but is it the worst but no it's not adjust adjust you're i can't you can't argue that man it's like it's it's really exposed kind of the failure for us to be prepared like the failure in bureaucracy um yeah because it's a real sophie's choice but sophie's choice that's a good one yeah that's a real sophie's choice where you gotta choose between explain that to people what is sofia sophie's choices like she had to choose it's great movie by a great movie with meryl streep uh you know that a lot of people just was you were supposed to read the book in high school but then you just saw the movie and you're like yeah i read it because it's like a thousand pages yeah but it's a great it's like uh what it basically means is you have to choose between two bad options she had to choose between which kid she was gonna she was gonna pick during the holocaust and of course she went with the guy because you know old spartan rules you know kid can lift [ __ ] so i'm kidding ladies but i don't remember which one he picked but i don't remember which one she and i just called her him but i don't know what she's doing well she might be in him now who knows just go back and forth she shows him spoilers well how come she hasn't been [ __ ] put on notice for that she chose the boy over the girl that's [ __ ] i'll put her on notice it's fiction yeah and you could do that back then today they would rewrite it like she chose the girl she chose a trans girl she chose a trans girl yeah so uh yeah it's a sophie's choice between the economy and um i see you's being overrun you got to think that out a little better well even cuomo is admitting it now he's going like we can't continue to do this you're like dude you should have kind of been sympathizing with that a little bit
more a little earlier well in his defense no one knew they didn't know they didn't know what this is going to be they're all figuring it out as they go along one of the problems with monday morning quarterbacking is everybody's looking back at his decisions and saying you know hey you know you should have done this you should have done that we didn't know what the [ __ ] it was yeah we thought it was going to kill everybody we didn't know what it was yeah we didn't know we'd be in a room right now with me mask list with two people that have survived covet yeah we didn't know yeah and i am a survivor i'm not a victim i'm a survivor i'm a survivor i had a stomachache do you have the eye of the tiger i got the eye of the tiger i'm the survivor i was listening to it while i had covet i went on tour with that guy the guy from survivor me and charlie murphy and john heffron we did a real men of comedy tour with uh it was a bud light maximum tour and the survivor guy the singer rest in peace he uh he they would sing songs like the real men of genius you remember those bud light songs do you remember those jamie yeah i was just saying i was thinking like that's why because they're sponsored by me i was like yeah he would sing those songs at the shows it was really fun yeah he was a good dude man he was a fun guy the i the tiger guy and he would he would sing songs like for bud light at these shows that we did it was really fun that's dope i went on tour with uh charlie murphy and donnell when i was first starting comedy what year was this this was 2005 or six right when chappelle was at chappelle show was like wow that's right before we did our tour we did our tour in 2007. yeah and it was like man that was crazy like how popular that show was i remember walking in the mall with charlie murphy and everyone was like [ __ ] your couch charlie murphy and uh i went one day me and charlie murphy went alone to the mall because i had to buy underwear because i didn't
i wasn't like an experienced road comic i was just selling dunnell's posters and like doing five minutes and uh me and him i went to the mall because i had to buy underwear because i ran out of underwear and it was just me and him walking and he's just get every step of the walk he was i'm rich [ __ ] yeah just throw i mean that show was a cultural phenomenon the greatest sketch comedy show in the history of the world and it only ran two seasons yeah it's amazing yeah comedy central [ __ ] it up yeah well they did that third season without chappelle but yeah you know and danielle posted it and you know they're still tight him and dave are still tight donald's gonna be there tonight yeah donald's my old when do you fly back uh i'm going to la tomorrow so you're you're free tonight yeah come to the show yeah man donnelly go back donnell got me into comedy really darnell's the guy that kind of got me into comedy uh i quit because i i was like i got shot and then i was having panic when did you get shot yeah i wanted to ask you about that what happened the fictional story the real one the one i tell girls or the real one other one okay because i used to say hey i was hella cut you know i was over dark for saving children and you know you take some fire it's what you do when you're saving the world but um no i uh i would i when i first started doing comedy i was working in nightclubs and i used to work at this nightclub uh that was like kind of thuggish it was like a thuggish like real real thugs went there and um my friend was a promoter and he would carry thousands of dollars of cash with him and so it was like an attempted robbery and uh yeah i got shot at point-blank range where you're in the leg whoa right right by my piece yeah it was close thank god my penis isn't bigger you know missed right there and it lodged itself
in in my butt cheek and then a couple years later the bullet came out funny story without when the surgeon they take it out because the the foreign objects will like slowly work its way to the surface like your body will reject it so it got to the point where i could like feel it and then i had surgery they put me under took it out and i remember they were taking it out and i was like coming to and i the surgeon was down there with the nurse and i just farted right in their face because i was up in stirrups so when i came to it was like a huge fart it was hilarious i was doing social work when i got the x-ray right before i went to the surgeon i was doing social work so i worked with like a lot of older christian ladies and i went and got the x-ray and brought it back to my office and they all wanted to see the bullet and i hadn't looked at the x-ray yet and they all gathered around all these older christian women and i took the x-ray out and put it against the window and it was like you could just see my penis like it was like my limp penis because it was an x-ray of my pelvis so it shows up on the x-ray you saw the bullet it was like a and then like my penis just like a ghost penis yeah it's like a police sketch of my penis like the outline of it and they were like oh and they all kind of like turned away it was hilarious yeah it's hilarious yeah how did the guy shoot you because uh he wanted to make a point he was robbing he was trying to rob because he knew that why did he shoot you so what happened was like we were getting in the car and um notice i said he i assumed you weren't robbed by a f yeah which is kind of like yeah why couldn't a woman shoot me they're capable they are they are yeah they should be equally represented in prison as well they are when they're on coke yeah we need to put more women in prison for equal representation in prison so i looked back and i saw him he had a mask on gloves he was coming like as we
were getting in the car and i just made a decision to try to get in the car and tell my friend to drive which was stupid he kind of sped up and then kind of fell into the car it was a jeep thank god because i was higher up because if it was lower it might have been you know somewhere here and then i the gun was kind of like in the car i saw and i just grabbed his arm and then i like pushed it down and he fired so it just went bang and then yeah that shot right there and then like i kind of i remember making a like concerted decision to pretend like i was hurt i was just a decision on the moment like i just like really hurt even though i didn't know if i was or wasn't so i kind of just like slithered down on him and he kicked me a few times i remember and then he ran and the cops they caught him because that club was always a problem so cops were always close by and uh yeah what year was this this was 2001 may 2001. so you just started i just started i just started coming kept going after that yeah see i get emotional when i think about it because like it's like uh it really derailed well i quit for a while because i get on stage and i started having these panic attacks and i didn't know what that was like i had i was totally i didn't know what i'd get on the train and i'd start bugging out like i was cool for a little while like right afterwards i got right back to it and i think i even did an snl audition with jason steinberg set me up with it at stand-up new york it was the year that rob riggle got it and uh i did it like i limped up on stage it was like the two nights and i bombed but um and then the panic attack started happening and then i didn't know what those were and i was like [ __ ] what what is this and it was like ptsd i guess yeah and i'm an anxious person to begin with so damn yeah it was a weird thing and i kind of quit comedy for a couple years and
donnell donnell's the guy that kind of like i would do i became friends with him too through this guy adam and then uh he would have me on the show once a week at this place um miriam square on upper east side and then he took me on the road and that's how i really started again in like 2005-6 when chappelle's show was hit and i became friends with donnell and and i was he was encouraging me he was like yo man your son you're funny son son i mean he's been saying son for 20 years forever yeah he probably calls his son son son yo son come in here son yeah donald's a national treasure yeah i love that dude i owe him really a lot like he was the guy who got me into it again and you know so thank you donal he's been a good friend ever since he's a wild kid he's a hilarious dude he's so funny dude he shakes the room like he's one of those guys that when he connects like i remember he used to do these old black rooms where i would start he would put me up this place called poke knockers where somebody got my circle poke knockers broke poke knockers spell it p-o-k and then knockers and it was like it was a black room i mean like i walked in and it was like everyone thought i was a cop kind of thing you know and uh he would rip people he would host and like anyone who walked by the stage he would just rip him and i remember one night i bombed so bad that when i got off it was like i was scared to just walk out and i was like hoping there was another exit like you ever bombed so bad you like want to leave your jacket somewhere like it was one of those and he would just rip i mean he would rip this first time i saw burr and burr walked in just crushed him and rich voss were the only two guys you would see go into those black rooms and just level and i remember the first thing
burst said because this show was in like the hood it was in bed-stuy and the first thing burr said when he got there he's like ah good to be back in the old neighborhood no fear just kind of and then did him and just leveled he's a national treasure yeah there's a few of those guys out there that just no matter what happens they're still swinging chappelle's one of them there's a few of those guys no matter what happens they're still just swinging just swinging they don't they don't stop what they're doing and you but people don't realize how fragile real comedy actually is it's like they want to take what you're saying as fact like this is what you really think no they're saying that because it's a funny thing to say patrice had the best take on it there was a time where opi anthony got in trouble for something and patrice was on this uh talk show and he was talking to about it with his there was this woman on the show who was saying like this is inappropriate you should never say this because you gotta understand that when a comedian says something whether it makes you laugh or it makes you angry it it's all coming from the same place they're trying to make you laugh like the intention is important they're just trying to make you laugh they're not trying to take down the word unless they're terrible unless they're really a bad person most comedians are not but we don't necessarily know if something's going to hit until you say it right you know you're sick but you the whole intention is just to get a good feeling from the audience you want everybody to go back can't believe you said that giannis yep that's the whole reason to say it yeah and usually the guys who are saying all the right things those are the ones you got to watch vince champ bill cosby i'm clean
don't curse yeah that's so true right so people don't understand like bad people don't announce they're bad yes like you know what i mean if you're a serial killer you don't walk in and get hey can i rape you yeah it's like they pretend to be the opposite of who they are so you should want comedians to say bad things and like you're trying to define comedy out of existence like the class clown wasn't funny because he said the right thing at the right time right you know what i'm saying it's like and that was the guy that took a chance huh he was the guy yeah he was the guy who said the wrong thing who farted during quaker meeting you know that was like the hardest i've still ever laughed in my entire life i went to quaker school for a little while was quake to be a quaker it was like well brooklyn friends it was uh so quakers had schools called like friends you went to a queen i went to a quaker school for a little while yeah were you was your family quakers no greek orthodox but like anyone could go and you know why did you go my parents just put me there you know it's like i thought it was a better school that was a better school is i went from public school i was failing out and they were like let's put them it was a private school you know so i went there and it's a quaker school so it's not like an elite it's like a quaker school so it's like they have a dif you get a pass or a fail and it's really cool i respect the quakers you know they didn't do slavery and uh they're cool that's a that's a positive they you know you were on the oats they were on they make oats and [ __ ] they do a little inbreeding and whatnot but you know you know every now and then every now and then [ __ ] you yeah because i mean there's not the main quakers around but um yeah a lot of it is sitting in silence that's their thing so every when you go to a quaker school every day you start the day with a moment of silence the whole school is quiet and then once a week the whole school
gathers for 45 minutes and everyone sits in silence unless god moves you to speak did you fart it was my friend who farted and it was the funniest [ __ ] thing that's ever happened because the headmaster was sitting right in front of us and he turned around and he still had that pre-coffee morning face anger and the fart and the sound of the fart in that context and his turnaround and it was what you know you're kid you can't stop laughing and the memory i just heard the fart in my head for 45 minutes and i kept laughing and we got in huge trouble what kind of trouble like we got kicked out getting kicked out of a silent meeting because we couldn't stop laughing we'd stop laughing and then i go and we'd start laughing again and dude the fart i mean as a comedian like you're going after people like these journalists are going after people where we're our whole field is to chase the fart the king of comedy yeah that's the funniest thing is the fart it's the king i understand the journalist though it's like it's a target like if that's what you're doing with your life you you you have to find targets and attack i get it i understand even when they attack me i understand what they're doing i get it you know i if they wanted to have a one-on-one conversation i think it would be better the problem with writing anything down without any interruption or any interjection or any explanation you're you're distorting what a thing is yeah you know you change what a thing is by putting it in quotes and just writing it you know you you make out a comic to be this bad person you you change what it is yeah it's like taking a fish out of water comedy is nothing without context yes you could take a fish out of water and try to judge that fish but that's not it's out of context out of context have you ever invited any of these [ __ ] on your show after they say something about you
they're too scared too they wouldn't come i don't i don't have to it's okay yeah sorry i'm getting riled up no but it's i you don't need to for me man yeah i mean for whatever reason i have a understanding perspective about because you can whip ash i don't know if that's it i just i i've thought about it in a bunch of different ways and i put myself in their position you know if i wasn't a funny person or a person who desired to be funny and i looked at it a certain way i think ultimately all of this battle the the pros and cons the the you know all this this chaos that's going on if if we play our cards right it's going to lead to a better world i really believe that i really do i'm an ultimate optimist and i think that even the people that are misrepresenting people it it gives birth to discussion and conversation and the people that are wise and that really understand what's going on they're gonna they're gonna defend free speech and free thought they're going to defend comedy because everybody loves comedy everybody loves comedy if you don't love comedy i mean i feel sorry for you i don't understand what's wrong i don't i don't know i don't know why you don't want to laugh if you just want to look at comedy and go oh you're saying that because you're bad oh don't say that oh you crossed the line oh you did this like those people have their own internal problems to deal with and they're they're imposing those problems on people and hoping they get support from others the most hilarious thing is when someone chimes in and they think they're going to stop comedy and they're in a room where everybody supports comedy and the comics like oh really right yeah and then they get crushed yeah and then they storm out of there what happened what went wrong all this works in my gender studies group yeah you know they take this chance yeah
it's funny you know it's usually the people who've been through the least that uh who don't appreciate comedy of course you know people who've been through [ __ ] yeah you need comedy it's like it's a it's a therapeutic feeling like you could just tell the messages we get just with the podcast and like people will message and go like hey man you're helping me get through this time and it's like if you've been through [ __ ] you're there to laugh they you don't care how dark it is or whatever because it could pales into comparison to the real [ __ ] you've been through that's why i stopped doing colleges yeah i stopped doing colleges i was in miami and i was talking they don't need comedy well their lives are great they're in flip-flops they're [ __ ] you know they're taking [ __ ] liberal arts classes their parents are paying for it yeah the worst crowds i uh did a college in miami and this was in like i don't know i don't even know what year it was it's probably early 2000s and uh i i i said some joke about sex and i said no judgment and then like there was a weird reaction i go how many people are virgins and there was a an uncomfortable silence and i go god damn how many of you people are virgins yeah and i realize like i'm talking about sex i'm talking about the weirdness of sex and there's probably like 30 of the people that have never even had it i'm like oh no where were you performing like harvard miami somewhere in miami and they didn't have sex no some of them did or if they did maybe they had it once they didn't know what they were doing right but it was a weird moment where i was i don't i think i was talking about i think i'm pretty sure the bit was about someone giving you head while looking at you and i and uh and i'm like there's nothing creepier than someone sucking your dick or look at you in the eyes like you don't want to be looking through the windows the soul while someone's got their dick in your mouth
and i remember they they were like oh yeah and they did hadn't experienced that before and i was like oh okay okay and you know what at that age i remember though at that age like when a woman would look at me like that i would get embarrassed like now when you get older and creepier you want to get looked at but when you're younger you're like stop looking at me exactly i make my wife look at me [Laughter] but it was the other part of the joke was the the the woman in my act and the joke was like i'll do it with my hand i feel like and i said what would make you think that you could possibly be as good at that as me yeah like that is that is the most ridiculous thing i've been doing that for years yeah and i said having a girl jerk you off it's like trying to brush your teeth with your left hand it's like the most frustrating uncoordinated [ __ ] and that but see as an older pervert like that's kind of fun yeah if someone doesn't know what they're doing yeah yeah you know you need something extra to get off while we get a little there first hand job i get i was girl from st xavier's in brooklyn uh she jerked me off in on a rock in the park and i think she jerked me off for two and a half hours because it was just like not my hand so she was going like ah she was pulling one of those like ah you know she took my hand just put it on it and i was like fine let me just do it you know what bit i love to yours uh uh back in the day um i don't know if you put it on a special river but it was so [ __ ] funny was about hugh hefner oh yeah they're vomiting it was so [ __ ] funny well that was the only version of it out there sucks but the version the the idea was that he had said once someone interviewed him and they said um how do these girls feel like you know those 20 year old girls dating you yeah and he goes whoa they feel very lucky this has always been a
dream for them and i was like lucky lucky living the dream i get so bit about these poor girls like hang in there you're gonna get a porsche hang in there i can't do this yeah yeah that was i remember i was wrong and laughing when i saw that it was so funny it was such a weird i i remember one time uh he came to the comedy store and i did the bit i did and and everyone's like you're gonna do the bed i'm like [ __ ] yeah i'm gonna do the bit and i did the bit and then just hid he came he came to the store with like two different playmates he was because that was his thing right he would go there with these girls and it was very performative you know it was like very it was before social media it was like this thing where he would like he had this persona that he was you know he would wear like a [ __ ] smoking jacket and show up everywhere with a bunch of girls you're like wow that guy's he's he's killing it and i was like what is happening here yeah like imagine if that's your daughter like a man like what has gone wrong in this young lady's lives yeah remember we had that show the girls next to those people ladies you know that's the thing about comedians like uh people say you're gonna do that bit they were saying it like you shouldn't because he's here and you're like [ __ ] yeah i'm gonna do it no i did it danielle could tell you a story when i was doing that show uh tonight he'll tell you well bring it up when i was doing that show uh at uh marion square there was four girls i invited to the show and i had slept with all four girls and i said to donnell before because i didn't really have any material i was a horrible comic and uh i was like you know i [ __ ] all those girls i'm gonna make a joke about it and he's like son i wouldn't do that and i said nah yeah i think it'll be real funny and he you know donald just like older comic was like i'd son do you son you know like and he kind of like and
then i did it and it went horrible like the girls were like [ __ ] stormed out they didn't talk to me ever again but that was my stage like where i would just do the wrong thing i went on bet and dino this is one of his favorite stories i went on bt when they were doing live comedy on 106th and park so it was like a competition with the audience judged and i had an n-word joke and this show was like doing well for black comics so i was on there i might have been one of the only white comics to ever be on there and i they they heard the material for like i performed it for the producers in like a room so they knew the material but i guess they just kind of didn't think about that this was before wokeness kind of so i did the joke live on b-e-t about the n-word and then b-e-t banned live comedy on that show after that i went to watch it on a rerun and there was like a re-run of pinkie in the brain on i was like something went wrong and the joke was about how like um you know they should say that rappers should say it more just the [ __ ] with white people it should be like every other word to just so white people just have to skip like half of the song and then if they slip up and say one just black person can just hook off and [ __ ] punch him in the face and it was the time that jamie uh jamie foxx's song i'm not a gold digger was out so i was like singing that song and i think i even said the n-word well that's kanye west song yeah no no right that was jake give me five things on it but it's a kanye west song right yeah i think mike was like jamie foxx sings the yeah he sings the vocals yeah yeah jamie talks about how him and kanye worked together on that song about kanye sort of directed him on how to do it yeah yeah he's like he's an interesting guy man out of all the people that have interest that i've interviewed rather and talked to kanye west is one of the most interesting yeah because i was like in the middle of talking to him was like
i've i don't know anybody like you right like his he's got a really unique brain man he's so good at music he's such a good producer he makes good music but i got to admit man i'm a sneaker head since i was a little kid i don't understand sneakers they look like people tires like i don't they just look like tires and they sell for like three grand and people buy them he's killing it he's killing the game he's got this perception of life that's very unique like he breaks down like agriculture he breaks down housing he breaks down like electricity and like [ __ ] irrigation like he's his brain is firing at like a thousand rpms an hour a minute rather he's like he's constantly going man he's a weird guy in in a very positive way he's very under appreciated in that respect like people malign him because like i think is donald trump's support i think a lot of it was about when obama called him a jackass i think that [ __ ] stuck in his craw like he's like oh yeah i'll show you a [ __ ] jackass or maybe he was just one of the rich only rich black people being honest being like yo less taxes you know what i mean because i always feel like a lot of people are liberal on the gram and then they get in the voting booth and they're like 50 cent at the 50 said he had a moment where he was like [ __ ] that you see what's going on [Laughter] everyone's liberal on the grab and then they get in their accountant's office they're like all right well i don't think they really believe that the money that they give up is going to go to good i think if people were 100 assured that if you give up more of your taxes the world's going to be a better place they would believe it but then they see all this nonsense with politicians and they're like i don't trust you with the money i mean that [ __ ] stimulus bill and then they had another bill sending all that foreign aid to other countries you're going there
what the [ __ ] is this dude six hundred dollars like i almost stormed the capitol gender studies in pakistan yeah what the [ __ ] dude like at this moment you're giving like foreign this is not the time for foreign aid it just shows how weird politics are that you have to appeal to all of your lobbyists and all your special interest groups and there was a part of the bill that made it a federal felony to stream to like for illegal streaming they tried to slip that in yeah they slipped it in they did slip it in there was also a part of the covid bill that made it so that they have to expose all the ufo secrets that the cia has do you understand they released that now they released it today all the ufo study all the the information the cia has about ufos are released today because uh jeremy i think jeremy corbell uh posted it the guy who uh he produced the documentary um uh bob lazar uf uh ufos and bob lazar fly what is it bob lazar what is the documentary on netflix bob lazar flying saucers in ufo but um area 51 on flying area 51 and flying saucers um but they didn't they were they released that today you want another one these [ __ ] things get i'm small i just they did release the information and on the new york post website uh this is a picture of the cd-rom they said the information smoking small ones like poor people yeah these are great though man they are great right yes shout out to foundation cigars and you know i haven't had one in so long so like this one is like special yeah this is the thing that people don't really realize about cigars they get you high as [ __ ] yeah and when you hold off for a while from something you really love it's like you ever like not jerk off for a long time and you just like end up hitting yourself in the face you're like that was worth it [Laughter] this cigar is amazing they're good right
so what is it saying in the post they got put up on a website called the black vault and according to this article the guy who runs the site obtained the cd-rom which i don't know who the is using cd-roms and it looks like they like printed a cd label on like you would do when you burned a mixtape for your friends and 20 years ago i don't know we need a common enemy right now i hope that they release that the aliens i hope they lie to us even if they're like friendly i hope they're but you know what like if there are aliens i think it would make sense that they would come here and not talk to us because imagine like they got to be so advanced to be able to travel that far so like it would be like us walking up to an ant hill and being like oh that's what they do and then you're like you're not going to want to hang out with the ants you're gonna be like all right i peeped it out and now i'm gonna go back to my other [ __ ] uh my my planet where [ __ ] is lit and we mind [ __ ] and we're telepathic and you know [ __ ] we you think the kamasutras we just [ __ ] mind [ __ ] yeah they don't have dicks anymore yeah they and i think that's our future i think what aliens are as human beings in the future i really do believe that when we think of the archetypal agent aliens with the large heads and the tiny bodies where we don't have any need for muscles anymore and we don't have any need for genital genitals anymore because everything happens in the mind like we're all obsessed with breeding and [ __ ] and social interaction and status and clout and material possessions and all these different things but if we could eliminate all of our biological shortcomings and pitfalls you know what would we look like well we'd look like aliens i mean we are less biologically impaired or dependent than say the lower primates if you look at like a chimpanzee like they're always they're killing each other and raping each other and smashing and you know it's like chimps are ruthless
[ __ ] animals i mean they really are and we are descendants of that those are our ancestors or at least similar to our ancestors we share an ancestor with them yeah and you look at a chimp with no hair jesus christ i mean they're [ __ ] shredded giant muscles thick tendons and then you look at what an alien looks like in terms of like the archetypal gray with the the big heads and the large eyes and the tiny tiny little limbs that's us that's the future we're so much more feeble than a gorilla you gotta imagine that if we keep moving in this direction we're going to be more and more feeble right we're going to be like do you think that uh it's possible that aliens are us in the future just coming back to peep and the reason they can is because it's like back to the future it'll [ __ ] up that's possible it's also possible that this is the natural course of progression for biological life and that if everything goes well we don't get hit by a meteor or blow ourselves up in a nuclear accident that we go from single-celled organisms to multi-celled organisms to a some sort of a creature that figures out how to manipulate its environment and once they figured out how out how to manipulate their environment then they start manipulating their dna they start changing the environment they live in they start changing you know the actual atmosphere and then they start traveling to other planets and other worlds they start figuring out intergalactic travel right that's us yes it's going to be us and what they represent i think it's more like farmers coming to check on the spores like do we have mushrooms yet like what do we got here interesting yeah we'll come back we'll come back in a little bit well why don't they help out a little bit though and they think they might be they might be helping out yeah they might they might have stopped us from nuking each other a few times right right they started coming here in
terms of you look at the historical ufo sightings they all really ramped up after the the nuclear test of the 1940s that's when everything really started taking place after hiroshima hiroshima and nagasaki that's when all the sightings started ramping up in a big way was that because we had the technology to capture it or no i think we started nuking each other and they're like yo what the [ __ ] let's go visit right because there's like a count of uh you know uh an ancient greek saying like oh and by the way there was this [ __ ] thing flying around so maybe you're right yeah there it is though really there is yeah that's what's really weird they were checking them out too thousands of people probably laugh at them like [ __ ] togas come on guys if you go to the ancient hindus like the the like uh some of the ancient uh works of a lot of different civilizations vimanas and all these different flying crafts and and these discussions in the bible ezekiel saw a wheel within a wheel there's all this discussions of things that could easily be interpreted as something from another planet or some visitors right and then the uh the headstone how did that happen right what's the headstone i'm saying it wrong this is good scotch uh this is really nice what is it more getting in there nice and sweet what is that whitmire's what is it called what does it say on the bottle whitmire's texas single barrel who gave us that remember that bottle jamie who that come from all right whoever it is thanks yeah it's great we have we have enough booze to kill everyone in this room that's a lot of booze we keep getting it do you know what i'm talking about the stone hedge uh where the stonehenge where the rocks are on each other yeah stonehenge stonehenge well stone hedges stonehenge is mo i think they've decided that that was some sort of uh a calendar i think that is the the
interpretation of stonehenge right they think it was uh it was isn't that is that correct or maybe i don't know a whole lot about stonehenge because i spent so much time thinking about the pyramids and the mayan ruins and the way they align with the cosmos i didn't pay too much attention to stonehenge that is kind of crazy that all over the world at the same time they were building those same type of structures that's kind of wild yeah it's pretty wide well one of the things that bob lazar he's the guy that uh supposedly worked at area s4 and that's what this is i can't believe i'm wearing this but this is bob lazar's sketch when he was describing what it looked like that he worked on wow this is uh uh bob gave me this that's his signature down here this is or actually jeremy gave me this this is uh his depiction of this the the the vehicles that he was hired in the late 80s early 90s to back engineer wow yeah that's definitely what they say they look like right there yeah he said that one of the things that they read when they were uh going over the the the people that had hired him had given him a breakdown of where these vehicles came from and what they were one of the things that he read was that they were saying in this literature that they had handed out to all the employees at s4 at least the ones that needed to know was that we are the product of accelerated evolution is that aliens had come down here and taken the lower primates and genetically manipulated them and created the earliest versions of human beings it sounds ridiculous until you realize that the biggest mystery in all of the fossil record is the doubling of the human brain size and human brain human beings over the period of i think it was like two million years their brain doubled it it grew and they don't understand why and they don't know why
we are so different than any other primate we wear clothes we think we talk we have complex language we manipulate our environment there's a lot of theories as to why we did it but the most outlandish theory is that we were manipulated wow it's interesting i have a friend paul verzi he's a comedian i know paul versus paul yeah i know who he is yeah yeah i've never met him he's like my best friend yeah he's great he's he's the best dude in the world hilarious and um he told me his dad's like a real italian guy from the bronx like one of like one of those guys who's like you know he's italian like he's like you know he'll be like you know these rappers but you know i got to admit they know their jewelry you know he's one of those he actually said that to him he's like but they don't jewelry you gotta get it originally but he says and his mom too because i asked his mom um and so they both his mom his dad and his i think his grandparent well i can't remember which one they were all in like yonkers westchester and they were like on the porch and they saw ufo and he he says this is how i believe him because he told paul he was like i wish i didn't see it because he's one of those guys that doesn't believe in that and you know his mom i think is kind of religious too and she admitted she saw it they said it came down like close and then like a it was like a dot in the sky it just disappeared and was like yeah which is funny like an italian guy seeing a ufo because they're all about getting people out of the neighborhood so they'd be like [ __ ] get the [ __ ] out of my neighborhood the [ __ ] out it's my neighborhood and it takes away shooting at it get the [ __ ] out of here it's my neighborhood i had a guy in the podcast his name is uh commander david fravor and uh he was a fighter jet pilot and he he scrambled to to encounter one of them off the san diego coast and it's a
famous story it's uh this this vehicle that was captured it was captured on radar it was captured on their um the the uh not his vehicle but another vehicle got a a video of this thing it went from more than uh 60 000 feet above sea level to one foot in less than a second they're here i mean if a guy like that is saying that that happened like it happened and then there's that i don't know what he's saying it happened but he said that it jammed their radar damn which isn't technically an act of war so he's like this was an intelligent thing so at this point like there we know that there are aliens like they then they've been here and that's a tricky statement yeah i don't know i love to believe that i that it's real are you scared at all like not their power or i'm scared of liberals yeah it's a comic that's our that's what we're scared of i'm scared of woke people that just want to [ __ ] ban parlor and burn it all down and enforce their ideology because they've got a lot of power right now yeah i'm scared of people that think they're right i'm scared of people that want to stifle free speech i'm scared of people that want to stop debate and and enforce their opinions i'm scared of that i'm not scared of aliens i'm scared of the other extreme too where like you could all the facts could be there and they're still like you know the election is stolen like i'm scared of that kind of yeah i'm scared of that too it's become kind of faith-based it's a little religious a little weird like they're kind of it's zealotry at this point oh sorry and um where they just kind of uh you could say anything you could put any evidence in front of them and the walk people are like that too it's kind of two sides of the same coin it's like the farther in any direction you go you kind of come back around to the other side they don't know how much they have in common those two and
unfortunately to me it seems like they they are dictating the cultural conversation now for some reason and all the politicians are pandering to that extreme base for some reason and maybe it's because they're loud maybe because also politicians are falling victim to thinking that twitter is the real world when it's not dude and we know more than anyone comedians know when you do a live performance yeah there's rarely any of that [ __ ] people love it whatever you say live and that's the real pulse of america it's not that [ __ ] [ __ ] where people are hiding behind [ __ ] avatars and arguing with russian bots i mean this is [ __ ] russia and china to me this is the way they've been [ __ ] with us i think they infiltrated education a long time ago started like giving perks to professors and liberal arts and started like slowly pushing this kind of anti-american uh we're always the bad guy kind of uh you know mantra this kind of like narrative that like and it's become now it's kind of culminated now in this sort of like hasty generalization like these groups of people are bad and bad good white black you're like dude that is not the way it works right i know it's easy to you got an a by quote like you know going like this is bad this is good but because it's the lazy way to do it because everyone's [ __ ] lazy now but if you look at history there's a lot of uncomfortable truths that always [ __ ] up that argument because human nature doesn't change and people aren't as racist as you think we're [ __ ] shitty i mean nobody's killed more white people than white people nobody's killed more black we kill whatever's closest you know and slavery is horrible and american slavery is probably the most brutal because you mix modernity with [ __ ] slavery but slavery is the oldest thing in i mean the ancient greeks were enslaving other ancient greek tribes tribes and native americans were enslaving other native americans like we are shitty and that's why we need aliens
please come but we're shitty you know what's the darkest truth there's more slavery today than there was before slavery in the united states was abolished they built dubai yeah slaves built dubai they call it something else they take away your passport yeah they keep you there saudi arabia was they still had slavery until like 1960s they had still well have you seen libya they had slave auctions and you could watch it on youtube you know when libya when they killed gaddafi and everybody thought that was a great thing libya became a failed state and one of the things that came along with libya being a failed state is they started having open slave auctions you could literally watch see if you can find that jamie thanks hillary clinton for that one wow she thought it was a funny thing to talk about you ever see that interview she goes we came we saw he died and then she laughed yeah any time a person is laughing because a human being is murdered is a and not just murder but murder with a [ __ ] knife up his [ __ ] yeah you ever see that when that guy shoves that knife up his ass when gaddafi's sitting there and he's in shock and he's surrounded by all those rebels and they're screaming and yelling and one guy takes a knife and shoves it up his ass i haven't seen it he's so in shock he barely recognizes the knife is up his [ __ ] wow i i felt like you know how they have that flag in iwo jima where those guys are planting the flag yeah that dude they will they will they will have a statue of him shoving that knife of gaddafi's ass like yes that's our iwo jima yeah i haven't seen that i think it all it it it all comes out look it's been thousands of years of human civilization to get us to the point where we can discuss things freely on a podcast i have hope i really believe that all this conflict that we have
is something that we have to overcome and i think ultimately that's good i don't think it's good to have no conflict i think the conflict it makes us get our arguments more solid and makes us get our rhetoric uh more reasonable and logical i think it's good for us i think it takes time to work this [ __ ] through we're all in a panic right now oh my god they got rid of parlor you know we're worried about this but i think ultimately human beings are thinking creatures who when confronted with the evidence there's going to be a a number of people whether it's the more people or the majority of people or just a strong percentage that recognize the pitfalls of this particular ideology and the way we're looking at things we're gonna we're gonna see things for what they really are and we're gonna get through this on the other side i don't think it's gonna be perfect but i think we're going to move to a better place and i think history has proven that over time there's been tragedies and there's been corrections and there's been good things and bad things but over time we generally move to a better place and a more friendly and equal place and i that's what i think do you think uh yeah i look back at history i see these sort of cycles of errors of reason and then faith areas of reason and faith like the faith you know dark ages then the enlightenment then you know it goes dark again like you know the arab world was flourishing that created you know algebra was named after al-jabbar and they kind of and then you know islam came and kind of went to an era of faith and it kind of slowed things well islam originally was the they were the [ __ ] scientists man i mean they were they if you look at this the early islamic world they were the ones that were the most advanced at one point in history they were the ones that were
pushing mathematics and science and and reason and logic you know it's just it comes in cycles man it comes in cycles of suppression and dominance and you know the the real concern is unstoppable dictatorships like china and russia when when there's no dissent and no discussion and this is what we have to realize like one of the things that makes america unique and powerful is that we get to talk about things and we get to disagree now i completely agree when when something happens like the storming of the capital when when that [ __ ] happens in capitol hill like that needs to be stopped and we need to educate people as to why that's awful why that's terrible and why a person like donald trump that calls for something like that we that that person needs to be maligned that person needs to be shot dead and not shot but shot down like that those ideas need to be did they need to be rejected and what's important is discussion and logical discourse and if your argument is sound argue that discuss it you know the the the real answer for wrong speech is better speech it's no argument you can't argue that it's just what it is it is and that that's that's the only way we'll get better is if like there's champions of that like you saying that like that's what it's got to be that's how reason will survive is people seeking for what's the most reasonable what's the most cogent argument what makes the most sense etc most people i think are trying to get there they're just trying to get there within their ideology whether it's someone like aoc or whether it's someone on the right like they're trying to get there within their ideology they're trying to get to a better place when someone like aoc is advocating for medicare for all or all these other things that i agree with they're doing that because they want to get to a better place and then they're fighting against people on the right and so they they sure up
their arguments they get more aggressive and they want to silence those people and shut those people down but ultimately the reason why they want to do it the reason why it's all taking place is because they they want the world to be better there's very few people that are in government that don't want the world to be a better place the problem when someone like donald trump comes along along is that when when you look at someone who whether you think he's a sociopath or we think he's an egomaniac he wants what's best for himself we what we really need is leaders who want what's best for the world and for future generations yeah and i don't necessarily see that on the horizon in terms of like a clear a clear example like someone who's in power right now that wants what's bet what's best for the world i used to think that about barack obama and i kind of still do but i think he was he was arguing for it in this really convoluted bizarre world of influence and power and bankers and you know special interest groups and this it's probably insane and so difficult to navigate yeah you know but yeah i don't think obama was a a despot i don't think he was a dictator i don't and i think also he was a statesman you know i get a lot of [ __ ] from people that are like on the right that don't they don't like my love of obama but when that guy was a president i felt like we were okay yeah because i felt like he was smarter than me right i would hear him talk i'd be like he's got it right he's talking to those [ __ ] military guys and those congressmen he's got it right and he always stayed calm he never lost his cool and that's what you want from your top guys a guy who's always in control saying the right thing yes and then going and bombing the [ __ ] out of people what i like about trump is trump trump gave support to the military in a way that obama didn't
where trump they squashed isis within one year because of trump and the my friends the friends that i have that are in the special forces kennedy yeah i heard that yeah they say look the world changed because of the decisions that trump made yeah trump's trump's his mandate when he got into office was to let the military stop these problems before they become a real issue for america yeah and a lot of those things uh i are the reason i think he got elected because he was saying things he just was saying them wrong yeah like he was just saying like a comic would say him like with no filter and like when you're a statesman you gotta say [ __ ] the right way very tempered and like you said you have to appeal that's not easy to be able to appeal to everyone and stay neutral in your rhetoric because that that's important i mean you're a public figure and the whole world is hanging on every word you're saying so that's what obama was really good at yes every speech he gave was just like you were looking for something i was like [ __ ] this guy he was so measured yeah and he was such a statesman in my opinion he's the greatest president ever in terms of the way he would talk and hold himself like i always felt like that guy was a great example of what's possible you get a guy who's a he comes from a single mother you know i mean he's not privileged when he's growing up interracial family poor living in hawaii and rises to this position and becomes the president yeah humans are he was great man in that way and like yeah just humans just go too far we left like this greedy personality like because a lot of the woke stuff a lot of the ideas are great they just keep pushing more more more they want but the woke thing is they want the world to be better
yeah so like that's what i like about the premise yes yes but then they keep going where it's like you're at this point like i think the majority of people love trans people are totally okay with it and it's like trans people are the most beautiful thing and it's a great thing it's a third gender and it's great and they're obviously their brains are a little dif you know like they they feel like females and that's great science science or they feel like males or they feel like males yeah and science can facilitate now a change and that's great but it's funny that now people are using science to make arguments against science which is what i find fascinating on the right and left so left will go like gender doesn't exist and that's because science has facilitated that you can kind of change your gender so it's like you're arguing against science which says biological sex exists let's be honest i had an argument with a professor about that once where he was like the biological sex is not real okay if you buy a puppy yeah and the puppy's a girl but you wanted a boy and they go well biological sex doesn't exist yeah what do you do do you get your money back yeah you just accept the fact yeah i mean the [ __ ] she identifies as a boy it's like obviously charged with ideology when you hear that stuff and there's exceptions right where certain people have certain levels of testosterone estrogen i mean there's exceptions but we can't change the rule for the exception so they're using science to argue against science and the same on the on the right where they're going like hey climate change is it real the climate always cycles and i'm going like where do you know that from is it because science told you that there's been different cycles of climate so i had an argument with a guy in a jiu jitsu class about that it's like it's always been a cycle i go
dude you're 25. yeah the [ __ ] do you know and how do you know you're not even a scientist yeah did you stick [ __ ] in the ground and [ __ ] how did you figure out making core samples yeah you know that because science told us you going to antarctica and [ __ ] going a mile deep into the surface of the ice you [ __ ] out of here [ __ ] and it's like how can you support tran like now they want to go like trans women or women you're going like okay i'll call you a woman that's fine but like you're redefining what obviously is something that you're not saying it's like when i went and saw my wife give birth i was like okay dudes can't do that i was like come on man i was like look i'll call if i'll i'll give it to you if if trans women want to be called women let's call them women but then let's start calling women who can give birth mortal gods because that's some different [ __ ] right there i just witnessed yeah yeah i mean i just saw a baby come out of her a hole in her body which was the wildest [ __ ] i've ever seen in my entire life and then like if you ask the hospital like where are the trans women and they're like we don't have it you're like well then you're [ __ ] discriminating against trans women yeah for not allowing them to give birth i mean like what are we doing what are we doing here i didn't even think that i would ever get involved in a trans argument until there was a person that was fighting against women and not telling everybody that she was a man for 30 years and was a woman for two and then started fighting women without telling everybody that she used to be a man yeah and they were like she's always been a woman i'm like stop we're talking crazy it's crazy i know what you want to do you want to make the world a better place but you can't like brock lesnar puts a dress on so it's beating the [ __ ] out of chicks you got to say that's wrong yeah and you see with like there's a
there's a couple of athletes now who have just dominated in their sport dude after doing late transitions bone structure is a crazy thing well they just did a study and then they said that yeah there is a difference yeah if you see all the comments they're going no [ __ ] most people look most people had my back but it was a loud number of people there was a lot of trans people that thought that under that i was transphobic i'm not transphobic at all i just don't think that it's right if you compete against females without at least telling them that you used to be a man it's not a [ __ ] complicated thing you're biologically male and this comes from someone who's biologically male there's there's advantages and how we don't hear this argument a lot from trans men it doesn't seem to doesn't exist it doesn't really exist trans men aren't going like let me get in there and play basketball with uh you know lebron james well in sports i it's an issue but in fighting it's the greatest issue because again when i talked about its high level problem solving with dire physical consequences if you found a woman who had been taking steroids for 30 years and stopped for two years and started fighting other women you'd be like hey she's cheated she has an advantage but all of a sudden if it's a trans woman you're like no there's no advantage she's always been a woman like i know i know what men are built like they're different their fists are larger yeah their shoulders are long the the width is different the hips are shaped different the mind is different reaction time is different this is all science yeah and when real endocrinologists that aren't gender reassignment surgeons who who really discuss this they'll be honest with you especially if they don't have to suffer uh social consequences of it they'll tell you like there's a difference yeah but there's a difference nowadays it's like yeah every
it seems like everyone's has at least a threat that you're gonna suffer some sort of social consequences if you say something that a twitter mob can kind of just yeah about and just call you a name without discussion and saying he's transphobic it's just like but again even a person who's been attacked i can tell you that i think that they're doing it for the right reasons yeah they think that they're making the world a better place and i i appreciate it i really do i get it even a person who's who's suffered like a lot of articles that have misrepresented my positions and and taken what i've said out of context i get it yeah you you want the world to be more inclusive and more appreciative of people that that come from a different place yeah i think it's actually kind of like it's a would be a beautiful thing to say trans women or trans women that's great and trans women are beautiful that's a different thing and that's great and let's celebrate that that's amazing why do we have to call it why does it have to creep into a category of someone who didn't have to take estrogen shots and be you know was born in a gender that they didn't feel why can't they be two beautiful things well that's a weird thing why well people say like oh this is a woman this is absolutely a woman well why is she taking estrogen why does she have to do that if she's a woman like why does she why does she have to go through surgery they shut you down and call you a turf well there's [ __ ] it well that's the weird thing about women that argue against it they get attacked it's like oh my god you're attacking biological women for thinking that biological women should be able to compete against only biological women j.k rawlings i mean yeah her statement couldn't have been more reasonable and supportive martinez [Laughter] ironically enough nolan benjamin joke as well oh was it really
yeah yeah he argued again i mean he had a bit about it too i don't i don't know who saw who first or yeah or if they thought about it together yeah but it's like the this world of lbgt that's a problem too it's like you're you're throwing everybody together i get it because you want support you want support from everybody who's in this malign community this marginalized community but they're different things like lesbians are different than gay people gay people are the first to tell you that they don't have anything invo they don't have anything in common with lesbians yeah my gay friends will tell you like listen man i have very few lesbian friends yeah lesbians don't like gays they don't hang out yeah some of them do i know it's a bad statement but they look at gays like [ __ ] peter pan you're out there butt [ __ ] and partying and doing ecstasy and you know lesbians for the most part they're different there's no lesbian communities gay people have whole neighborhoods like west hollywood yep they take over giant [ __ ] swaths of land you go to boys town i have a bit about boys town because it's right down the street from the comedy store you take a you hook a right on santa monica and it is a [ __ ] different world for five blocks it's five blocks of no one saying no it's just it's just [ __ ] partying not a care that no one can get pregnant and everyone's on the one speed in the neighborhood just puts their head out the window you guys keep it down jesus we're trying so different it's men men who [ __ ] men it's a whole different world than the lesbian world i'm like lesbians don't develop neighborhoods because straight men find out about them i'm an ally and they move next door and they [ __ ] up your neighborhood you don't have a chance my brother's gay and he's uh he's older he's like 60
you know uh you know big gap in our age and uh he says it's over correction he said like he's saying what we're saying like it's a great thing it's based on great principles but it's just like that human need to that we have this thing in us where we don't you know it's like they used to say um an old expression i think from rome is like you know when the war is over you put down your sword and pick up your plow it's like humans have a real hard time being like okay we won let's put the sword down and pick up the plow it's like there's when you're an activist or a warrior there's that thing and you were just like let me keep what's this keep going get to the ocean yeah it's like the war is over dude no the war is over you got it the majority of the people were all for it and they're like nah nah let's let's find another [ __ ] well part of the problem is that is that there's so much communication going on there's so many people expressing ideas like there's someone out there that disagrees so you're gonna find disagreement so you're gonna you wanna squash that too yeah you wanna keep that [ __ ] battle going yeah never ends never ends it never but i think ultimately the the mass of these people whether on the left or the right they're trying and i get accused of being on the right when i'm on the left yeah because i look like i'm on the right yeah i do i [ __ ] i look like an [ __ ] you're a trump supporter i've said a lot of stupid [ __ ] if you take it out of context you'll assume well you're a perfect example how people just kind of reject nuance because the nature of it is a little boring the truth is a little boring like you've actually said hey i'm voting for bernie i like bernie i like medicare for all those are like he said something bad but he also said that so [ __ ] let's give him like it's like [ __ ] in glorious bastards they would have put a nazi sign on you and carve it in you and like i don't know how this happened where the extremes kind of hijacked
and uh the conversation but it's really wild man well the discourse spread it became much wider you know there's so many more people that have can chime in you know and everybody want like what we were saying about podcasts that people hear us talking like i've got something to say too well there's so many people that have something to say and can talk and then other people hear it and they want to respond to it the same way you pulled over the side of the highway to argue with that dude on twitter it's the same [ __ ] yeah but that's what's going on yeah i think we're gonna get through it i really do i i mean and i understand that i'm in a very bizarre position where my my voice is broadcast to more people than the average person so i i i feel like it's even more imperative that i stay positive and i really do believe that we're gonna be okay you handle it well man i could never like i don't think a lot of people couldn't i have brain damage i've been hitting the head thousands of times i think that has something to do with that that's the silver lining yeah that's the silver lining you trend all the time and people say all types of [ __ ] articles and like you just come in like hey man who's the next guy all right let's do let's do [ __ ] however yeah but who you want i know i know who i am and i'm i know i'm a nice person and everybody who knows me knows i'm a nice person and i think most of the people who listen to me know that even if i say something that's offensive or wrong or i'm trying to be nice and that's all i think about yeah i know i have a weird responsibility that i didn't ask for i didn't set this up to try to like take over discourse i didn't i set it up to talk [ __ ] with my friends yeah i set it up in 1999 with my friend brian redmann or whatever it was 2009 my friend brian redband we were just talking [ __ ] and and smoking pot and answering questions on twitter i never thought it would have billions of downloads and i
literally never thought that right and along the way i've had to adjust and i've had to realize okay okay this is a weird responsibility that i didn't ask for yeah but i get why they're mad i get i get the attacks i get it i get it i think you know it's one of those things when uh people look back in history like the cultural force that this has become i think as a comic i i my opinion is it seems like a lot of why you've handled so well is because you're a comic yes it's like comics have there's like famous and then there's comic famous whereas like you can go see like you're gonna be tonight performing at a bar live it's like we need as comics we always need to sort of be the perennial underdog or else we lose material there's something about us that always seeks humility and it's kind of for a selfish reason because you're like you have to continue to be a comic sort of a person of the people because you if you get too big it becomes like that steve martin thing where he's like i can't do this anymore yes the steve martin thing i mean what are you going to do be like go up there and be like hey my private plane didn't work today you know and people are going like [ __ ] this guy i was at the comedy store once and um tim allen went on stage and he was talking about his ferrari breaking you're like yeah yeah it's like people are getting like oh the dashboard fell out and i'm like what the [ __ ] is this and i wanted to grab i'm like tim talk to me yeah you need to smoke pot and you you need to be around other comics you're you're you're in this position where you're too famous and everybody around you like they need you to pay their bills they're not being honest yeah you need to work out you need to do something yeah you do something really hard really difficult where it tests your medal keeps you humble yes you need to be humble yeah you need to get strangled go to a jiu jitsu's trim gym and get get strangled
yeah go to kickboxing get your leg kicked can i ask you a question is the the optimism that you feel do you think that's in any way tied to having children because i know i've had like sort of a paradigm shift and it's something that burr rides me about like i mean he came on our podcast and just chewed me the [ __ ] out from like power about how negative i am and [ __ ] you know [ __ ] i used to be like you and it leads down a [ __ ] bad road and you know he was just chewing me out and you know after my experience with colvin and like uh you know i got weird and started crying i called him and i was like you're right you're right you're [ __ ] right i was crying you're gonna die yeah i was looking at that you're right bill i'm negative i gotta change and um now that i have you know a newborn it's like my i've experienced this kind of uh rebirth of hope and i it may be selfish because of her like i want the world i don't want the world to end i don't want civilization and i don't want america to die in the ideals that that built america to die i want it to succeed i want it to continue i want the the beautiful precepts that this country was built on to survive yeah i want us to rise above this challenge for her and it may be selfish but it's like that's what's happened i don't think it's selfish i think it's hopeful you know i i when i had kid one of the things that one of the things that happened as i got older and i started raising children is i started looking at people instead of looking at them as like oh this guy is a 35 year old man this is who he is i started thinking oh he used to be a baby wow interesting i i changed everything it changed everything i started looking at at people like oh that's a baby that got bad information and and mean people and no love and no support no no comfort and and
they became angry and they became resentful and everybody man you know i was watching a document not a documentary a series of interviews on uh the ice man richard cook clinton oh yeah those are the best dude i if you look at my [ __ ] you've made me mad now you made me mad yes what's that so scary yeah i just feel like i'm mad now yeah kenny says it like very calm about how he uh fed people to rats i would tie them up yeah and i would put a camera on them and i liked george and i liked them and that's what i did to the guy i liked yeah um georgie was a good guy he was a guy who was a baby who was raised by a psychopath and a mother who was you know distant and probably just dealing with the fact that she was raised by she was uh married to a psychopath and he became a monster and uh i that i started looking at people like babies that happened when i became a father you know it happened slowly man i'm ashamed to admit it took a while for me to really like you know because you try to protect your initial ideas and who you uh initially were and you're you know what you want to defend your anger and defend your your stances or your behavior or your positions but it took me a while to realize that um what i was recognizing was that who i am who you are who everybody is is a direct result of the environment that you evolved and grew up in the people that you encountered the love that you received or the love you didn't receive the hate that you received or the hate you didn't received the most spoiled people are the the people that have the easiest you know the most interesting people that's one of the hardest things about being a parent is that my favorite people whether it's joey diaz or ari shafir or all the weirdos that i know like their [ __ ] life was hard and i don't want my kid's life to
be hard i want my kids life to be filled with love but my favorite people all grew up [ __ ] up all of them all of them all my favorite people grew up in the most tortured and and and and and confusing environments and they have they figured their way through the maze they oh and they popped out through the surface of the water and they got some air that's all my favorite people is there a healthy way to reconcile that with your daughter like you know because you're saying you want her to have all the things that you know [ __ ] up people do you like how do you reconcile like hey i'm going to give you love but you also got to go through some [ __ ] to have some character i had a little situation with my 12 year old the other day where uh she was really upset it was over her mom taking her phone away it was like nonsense right but i was like it's so hard for you to recognize that your life is easy and and it was this we were having this conversation where i was talking about the [ __ ] that i went through as a kid and some of the things that i went to where a guy tried to rape me when i was 13 and i was explaining this to her i go one of the reasons why i don't want you just like running out in the world because i know you don't know that the world is filled with people who are mistreated and want to mistreat others and that there's bad people and i don't know how much to expose you to and i know that but i want you to know that everything i do whether i it seems like it's it's it's ruining my life like i want i want you to know that this is all these decisions are made because i love you like i don't want you to have struggle but i also recognize the struggle is imperative for growth and i'm confused i don't know what to do i don't i don't know the right way to approach this other than communication other than
expression i want to express to you how what i've experienced and what i want to protect you from it's hard yeah and the people that i run into like whoever i i have a real thing man it's a real thing where everybody i meet i think of as a baby right everybody you yeah jamie i think jamie is a baby all the time young jamie i think of him what was jaime like when he was a baby how did jamie get to be who he is now yeah i think of who everybody it's a weird thing man and as a when i became a father as i and as i evolved as a father and as i corrected myself and dealt with my own shortcomings it's like i started thinking of people as you know you want to just get mad at someone for who they are this is the way i think about liberals the way i think about right-wing people all the that [ __ ] idiot that looks like a champ that was sitting on nancy pelosi's desk that poor bastard used to be a baby you know and and someone or something or a series of things happened that were wrong and he didn't he didn't get hugged enough or he didn't get educated enough or he didn't get enough acceptance or enough whatever it is man whatever it is whatever positive feedback he didn't get and it led to him sitting with his [ __ ] stupid boots on nancy pelosi's desk thinking he's he's winning right he's not no he's doing the opposite of that he's and he's gonna suffer camera committing a crime and he's gonna be in jail for a long [ __ ] time and we're all gonna benefit from it unfortunately yeah you know yeah i mean that's a very enlightened evolved way to look at people because we are uh and that's kind of the problem in the world is everyone wants to think they're a finished product and that their opinion everyone's scared to evolve or admit they were wrong is a big problem right now
they they feel everyone's defensive and everyone's either right or wrong it's very white or black and there's a lack of humility that maybe do you think our you think sort of the level of comfort we've achieved is sort of to blame a little bit like we this is unprecedented i mean unprecedented in human history you know the when the tech revolution hit on top of the industrial revolution uh and then the advances in medicine and stuff like we are so used to a level of comfort from air conditioning to all the way to echo chambers to feel comfortable detached from nature detached from reality that any little threat to that comfort which like you said leads to growth and is necessary seems almost like a threat and something that's going to be the opposite of what it is because like you said those negative things are what make you grow if you don't have any challenges or any brushes with reality you don't evolve if you don't hear another person's position or perspective you don't evolve if you don't see so if you don't put yourself in someone else's shoes you don't evolve it's like everyone is kind of just really really bunkered down into their team right now and they don't want to see anyone else's perspective they just want to demean them and say they're wrong yes these are nazis everyone who voted for trump is a white supremacist that type of thing and then on the flip side everyone over there is a [ __ ] liberal [ __ ] you know and it's like dude we're all just people like and like you said if you grew up in san francisco you would be [ __ ] drinking kimchi as well or whatever it's called that tea the probiotic tea kimchi or kimcha kombucha yeah kombucha you know i did live in san francisco when i was little yeah that was one of the things that helped did they put kimchi in your nose there was no kimcha back then when i was seven
i lived in san francisco seven to eleven i went from jersey to san francisco my uh my next-door neighbors were this gay couple my aunt used to get naked and smoke pot and play bongos with them i remember that when i was a little kid i thought it was normal yeah well i mean san fran it kind of is yeah that was during the vietnam war it was a wild place yeah nobody wants to look at another perspective i have a good friend who's very successful and uh you know descended of immigrants not to give too much away and it's like you know multi-millionaire now and then like started talking about like white people like were horrible and i just [ __ ] i was like how much you're a mil you're first generation famous multi-millionaire how much quicker did you want this [ __ ] to happen it's like you're [ __ ] famous and richer than 99 of the white men they don't want to be attacked it's one of the reasons why they say some of the things they say it's like they think they're doing the right thing but also they don't want to be attacked you're standing on the stage of the grammys accepting an award where they're saying you're great your parents [ __ ] swam here how much quicker like you know did you want them to give you this grammy when you were three well there's also the lack of these kind of conversations you know one of the things that's happening uh with social media is we're getting with uh alan levinovitz called he's a former guest of the podcast who i think is very brilliant he he discussed uh social media interaction as processed information the same way processed food is bad for you processed information and processed discourse is bad for you wow i think he's right dead on dead on dead on when he said that i i remember i reached out to him after he wrote that i'm like come come on here let's talk wow and and and because of that i feel
like that's what's going on with us is that we you know if you had a disagreement with someone you had this three and a half hour conversation with them when you got to you know hash hash this out and talk through it you probably realize like oh this person is a good person they just want they want the world to be a better place they're just coming from a different world i want to know what world you're coming from or what part of the world and i want to know what your perspective is and i want to understand it and then if i understand it i can't and things i disagree with let me tell you why i disagree with it let me tell you what i agree with well i see where you're coming from and and talk it through but we're not doing that we're doing that in these like 240 character chunks and then you're pulling over the side of the road to argue with these 240 character chunks and it's just a bad way it's a really shitty like uh like a marginal like it's a it's it's it's a very like watered-down way of communicating do you think people have it in them though because or are you coming from a perspective where you're projecting on other people what you yourself have because you even because i'm a comedian i know that everyone knows it now but it's like you you can either like in my opinion you can either uh act in the principle of interest or in the interest of principle and you seemed to always going back in comedy you defended comics when it wasn't in your interest and you suffered for it life didn't well you got banned from the club and i mean yeah i mean it worked out yeah it did all work out but at the time i mean i mean did you look that far at the time or was it just something that's got brain damage that's the key it helps me i don't think about things as much as the average person i really think that's part of what's
going on i think one of the reasons why i've been putting this weird unique position if i had to look at it in terms of like the greater plan of the universe yeah thank you i'd be like let's take this [ __ ] dude who's been hitting the head a bunch of times doesn't worry too much about [ __ ] and also i've experienced a lot of dangerous like legitimately dangerous things i uh it's it's uh it's my position to to talk in a uh you know i i i i i get it i know that i'm in uh this weird spot i know this weird spot's not normal do people have that in them though to put self-interest aside and sort of act in the interest of principle to do do we all have that in us like where does that courage come from it's impossible is it just getting hit in the head because no no it's a better person it's possible i'm joking around about the brain damage but i think part of the reason why um i can do it is because i've gone through weird circumstances in life and and also empathy i think empathy is something we can never lose it's one of the most important things for understanding each other like the like the what i said about the way i look at people they used to be babies i look at them that way because of empathy i i don't want to look at him and [ __ ] that guy and it's easy to say [ __ ] that guy or [ __ ] her or [ __ ] [ __ ] that group of people i don't do it you don't do it even if they attack me and one of the reasons why i do is because i think that empathy is one of the most important principles that uh like reasonable people can embrace that's not really sewn into the fabric of america unfortunately we're kind of more of a rugged individual i pulled myself up by my own bootstraps i [ __ ] jumped out of the vagina on my own no help came i started a business i don't need no government tea yeah but that's scared america yeah that's [ __ ] ass america
you know i mean i think uh the the people that are in a position of power the people that do have the resources and do have the influence it's your obligation to be empathetic it's part of what comes with the program this is what comes with the position what comes with the the position of being whether it's the number one podcaster or the the president or anything you have to be empathetic and when you're not we we're furious at you because you're not elevating the culture you're not elevating the the people you're not you're not looking at things from this incredibly privileged stance you're not acknowledging the fact that you're in a unique position you're you're you're being selfish you just want to win you want tiger blood right you want hashtag winning that was a great moment i mean yeah it was great in recognizing that you can you can own up to your [ __ ] yeah and people will like you winning winning yeah i mean so he's still kicking right like no big deal no he's in trouble now now we played a [ __ ] cameo clip of him the other day it's horrible man he's falling apart yeah yeah he's all yeah it's not good would you take 97 like boring years or however many charlie i'll take 30 good ones yeah charlie sheehan had a good i don't know i don't know if he had a good one i don't i think the charlie sheen thing is peripheral like when you're looking at from the outside yeah it looks good but i think that guy's like filled with sadness yeah i mean i think that's what people because of uh the american dream somehow we [ __ ] on regular people when you don't understand that like famous people and [ __ ] like that they just do normal [ __ ] every day they like if prince is taking pills and like oh it's not it's not great i don't like the way we don't look at nurses and and teachers and those are the real heroes like you know my dad my dad and my mom and my brother's brain injured i've spent so much time with people who work with brain injured people and people
who uh who who deal with sick people and i did social work for you know five years it's like those are the people that keep this [ __ ] train moving and because they're not like they don't have a tick tock account or they're not in some [ __ ] dumb show they're overlooked and i'm not just saying that it's like it's the truth it's the truth it's the truth they that's a real job cheers to that cheers yeah cheers to them and if you go through stuff you realize like oh you're doing a real job you're saving people you're helping people you're doing what you're saying not being selfish doing this selfless thing and like those are the people that keep this thing going and they're they're underappreciated they're underappreciated in the most massive of all ways and the the reason why we don't appreciate teachers or police officers or firemen it's because we don't have to it's because they're just out there doing it we take them for granted and it's wrong you know it's wrong and it's in it they're the foundation of our society you know so when you see like one bad cop like in the george floyd situation one bad cop becomes defund the police like god damn it like that's you you can't defund the [ __ ] police yeah and you can't defund the teachers and you can't defund the firemen you can't defund the nurses you can't defund the the doctors we need everybody we need everybody together we need more discussions man you know and weirdly enough from you know um doing this podcast as a joke you know just for for fun and goofs has become like a legitimate place to discuss real issues that resonate with millions of people yeah and i i i think it's all in a weird way it's not like it's it's like this is what was supposed to happen it's like it it kind of kind of made itself it gave birth to itself you know where where there was an opening and it realized that there's like things aren't really
being discussed in a long form of really nuanced way what made what what is it in you though because i know the whole vibe of the digital era has been like shorter shorter shorter shorter quicker quicker lower attention span you probably even got advice like hey man that's too long but you just went hey let's go three hours let's go i mean i need a bottle to piss in at this point you can go basically no i'm fine one of my best friends but he was always like you gotta stop you gotta shorten it edit it you you need to edit it i still give him [ __ ] to this day it should be less than an hour i was like no he goes no one's gonna listen i go then don't listen so it was just something in you you were like this is what i want to do i had fear factor money that was part of it i was like i don't care what people listen to right you don't have to listen i i was happy if 200 people like the first broadcast me and redband did i think there was like 200 people listening i was like good 200 is perfect i don't care right i don't do it because i want a lot of people and that's the weirdest thing about it all that it's become the number one show in the world i i didn't do it because i wanted it to become the number one show in the world i did it because i just did it i got a lot i think this this world needs more of this in whether you agree with me or disagree whether you [ __ ] hate me or love me we need more people talking about [ __ ] we need and to figure it out and that's one of the problems with banning parlor or gab or mines or any of these [ __ ] places like we need more people talking about [ __ ] and if you think that people shouldn't be calling for the death of politicians i agree with you they shouldn't be you should tell them that right but it's hard to do it digitally it's hard to do with typing and text in
140 characters or 240 or 280 whatever the [ __ ] it is right it's not the way to do it right we need to do it by talking in person person to person yeah but it's it's the weirdest thing that like the best way to distribute it is have two people talking person to person and just broadcast it to everybody right you don't have to cut to any commercial breaks or you know yeah yeah and uh the people are struggling to adapt this era is here it's here so it's like your podcast is sort of uh it's like uh the progenitor of this era it's like you can continue to you know to play that you know uh commercial break pithy hey public relations but this is here that shows what's behind what real people are like and what real conversation is like and it's like it's a threat to that system because that system is from a different time before we had this technology and now this technology's here it's not going anywhere they're doing smoke signals yeah man they hate 4k but they're doing smoke signals i mean it's just like people need to talk things through and it's not that there's not a place for those other things like late night talk shows or any of those things there's a place there's always a place for carpool karaoke yeah somebody lip sings their song on the radio in ikea yeah yeah but if you had that guy and he did a podcast yeah how would that go it probably wouldn't go great why it's not it's like a person who's like really into like [ __ ] mall karate fighting in the ufc yeah yeah i mean it appears to be real but it's not yeah and people are starting to get tipped off to that because everything's been stripped away and it's uh you know people are seeing people for who they are in a format like this and that's why when that whole debate thing came up when uh i think it was tim
kennedy that i listened to that episode i happen to i love tim kennedy i think he's yeah i liked him as a fighter i just like him and i listed an episode and i was like [ __ ] i was like emotionally moved by that episode and uh that call to be like hey let's do this here in three four hours [ __ ] let's get to know these people that time is coming you can't go that's coming whether it happens here or somewhere else it's like the the people wanna hear if you're gonna be president of the united states and if we continue to evolve and we go on that hope train it's like you're going to want to know a presidential candidate who they are for three four hours in a row without like yeah or more [ __ ] 10 hours why not you know when they get a [ __ ] day [Laughter] when lincoln was running for president he would give these town square speeches that would go on for hours and hours it's kind of wild how advanced things got that it's kind of coming back like the live performance is now the coveted thing because screens are everywhere and that's the special thing now that like tv used to be like oh you're on tv now you're on tv you're like [ __ ] nobody's watching but like if you go to do a live show that's special also that like everything is like curated and everything is uh filtered and censored and gone through a series of executives and producers and networks but some things aren't and people gravitate towards those things that aren't because now it exists well it's also like the good and the bad it's like at least it's not full of [ __ ] right right at least there's not someone who's trying to lie to you because they have like some sort of a you know some vested interest in you know pushing some special interest groups narrative right yeah yeah and that wasn't really exposed that was sort of seen as reality yeah that's kind of crumbling down maybe
maybe we're having a hard time adapting to i mean it's just power the digital revolution is powerful it's uh it's something we're struggling to adapt to yeah and people are starting to believe that their avatars are real and their online personas are real where none of it is real like you said when you sit down with that same i remember one time this dude i was do i was going to do shows in philly and he wrote the most horrible thing about me and i just dm'd him and i was like do you [ __ ] hate me like that he's like nah man i love you i'm going to the show and i'm like so why did you say that what did he say he's like calling me a liberal [ __ ] and like i hate you you're a liberal yeah he was just i mean eileen left yeah but you're a [ __ ] yeah he was calling and he got personal i don't remember exactly but he like cursed me out and i dm'd him and yeah he was like i love you i think the move is to lean left with strength i think everyone should be center and lean left lean right the way it is i think leaning left with strength is good because you lean left because you love because you care like when i endorse bernie when i had bernie on my podcast and he was like i i want people to be absolved of their student loan debt i want people to not have to worry about medical bills i want people to not have to worry about being able to make a living i want people to not have to worry about feeding their family i'm like who the [ __ ] doesn't give me a hug right but then you have to reconcile that with the reality of like hey that's coming out of somebody else's pocket and you know you don't want to you know who's pocket people like me i'll give it to you right i don't care right it's like how many people have too much but you're you're exemplary in that way other people are hiding their money and [ __ ] have brain damage yeah well that's right mushrooms yeah but i mean like if you look at why greece collapses because everyone wanted the benefits of socialism but
nobody wanted to pay for it especially at the top they go hide their money and they you know it's that's the thing it's human nature that greed that we got to kind of conquer like you know that's what it is like socialism is a beautiful idea it works as a temp as a temperance it works as like to counter capitalism and control it a little bit and that's the other thing is people like [ __ ] social media it's like dude we already live in a mixed economy right we live in socialism because the fire department is socialist right right i mean it is social security yeah your parks your police department is my favorite example because like if you had to pay to have the fire department come to put the fire out in your [ __ ] home and save your family like a good lord right like the fire department is my favorite because the fire department is like often ignored and under-appreciated and and i have many friends that are fired fire department employees and and like uh going back to the 90s there's a friend of mine that i uh used to play pool with his name was ray the fireman that's what he used to call him and the the the pool hall and the executive billiards he you can't you gotta pay for that yeah how does it get paid yeah we all agree we all agree if you give a certain percentage of your check to make sure that fires are put out so that everyone's house wasn't burned down we all agree yeah we we need to look at that in terms of education in terms of health care in terms of but we also need to realize that people are [ __ ] lazy and people are weak and we need to force them to get the [ __ ] up and go it doesn't mean that you know when you support socialist ideas it doesn't mean that you don't support people that like you need to have discipline we need to enforce that both things can exist simultaneously absolutely yeah do you think um
do you think if everyone saw where their taxes were going like if there was a system where you could see like you could vote on these are the taxes we're paying instead of the government making a decision or passing these million page bills where they sneak things in is like the people had control of like this my money's going to schools this is going to infrastructure this is going to the police department this is go if you could see that more people taxes wouldn't be as maligned as they are it's like a bad word to say taxes republicans have really capitalized on that like keep more of your money but it's like hey what if like the school system is great and we all chip in and you could see that your money was going towards that and everyone was chipping in for that if you could talk to a man who's on his deathbed who's dying you have a a million dollars in the bank and you go where do you want it to go do you want the world to be a better place or do you want to have a gold casket leona helmsley left it to her cat really yeah she left it to her cat really i think she did i mean you could double check me on that but i'm almost positive that's probably because a lot of guys [ __ ] her over yeah that's bad men yeah or yeah she just had an un she was just a [ __ ] maybe she had a short haircut yeah yeah i got a real mean insight into why women cut their hair short when they get older if i say it people will hate me but i'll say it i think older women cut their hair short because if you notice it's sort of an older as women get older they cut their hair short or shorter because they don't want to have like a guy in a bar see them from the back with long hair and be like who's this and then they turn around and it's like i'm a wit you know amazing when i first in 1994 i was dating this girl who's bald she shaved her head she was crazy she's from norway she was
a singer and she was really interesting and uh i was like 27 at the time and you know she was my age but she was more advanced she was a really interesting person but i remember we would go out to dinner and she'd wear a wig and [ __ ] and we would like smile and laugh and it didn't work out but i remember thinking like this lady is so powerful she shaved her [ __ ] head and she she was she was so smart but for whatever reason like where we i was and where she was it was incompatible she wasn't a hasidic jew or anything right just from norway oh yeah they don't have they have those i don't think so but they shave it and then wear a wig why did she wear the wig then if she chose to shoot for fun yeah yeah yeah but she shaved her head on purpose yeah she had a tattoo on her back that was like a demon and i go why do you have a demon shoes it protects me i'm like okay but we we only hung out for a little while i dated her for like a couple of months but i remember thinking like wow it's like really unique to meet this person yeah because she decided that like societal norms of like long beautiful she never wore makeup but she was [ __ ] stunning she was beautiful she had a perfect body she was a she was a beautiful woman but she just decided she wasn't playing these games it's like rose uh rosa no not really well she shaves her head yeah she's kind of a knucklehead but she's she's cute though i mean she's cute she's cute she's cute even with the shaved hat yeah she's got a hot face that's something hot about a chick who's hot like that but also like [ __ ] can whoop ass like that yeah yeah this girl was like weird she was weird but i remember meeting her i'm like i feel like i was supposed to meet you and that was it was short-lived and
didn't last you know for whatever reason me and her and me no she stayed around yeah i remember she came to the comedy store uh like a year later with a new guy and uh this is fenn and she was pregnant oh yeah norwegians are interesting because they uh recently got rich from their oil money and so they're kind of like nuevo rich yeah they got tons their governments really they have like a fund where they um they don't spend all the money it's almost like they know it runs out and they have like a government has like a fund where they put all their oil money in there because they're oil rich that's what made them rich they were like a weird people living over there and then they got rich they were always [ __ ] with by the swedes and now it's funny because now the swedes go to norway to work because it's so rich so i used to have a joke when i would go over there and perform where i would say like the swedes because they go work in like the bar industry in the service industry and then go back to sweden because they made so much money and i always said the swedes were like the mexicans in norway just came back and sent money to their family in sweden you used to perform in norway yeah really yeah i used to go there like once a year to norway and sweden and uh perform in scandinavia really i was like a boy band yeah i would like go and do stand-up over there you're a boy band like cause boy you know like boy bands go to europe first and they're like bye bye bye and then they come over here and [ __ ] bye bye bye all the boy buns they send them to europe first and then they get big there because if you're american like i was nobody i mean i still am but like back then i was like nobody but when you go there like you're american you must be great and i'd be like yeah you know i'm one of the best comics and they don't you know they just go he's american he must be great that's hilarious yeah so i've been to berg bergen is one of the most beautiful cities in the world it rains like most
of the year but it's one of the most beautiful cities i've ever seen it's called bergen bergen north that sounds like new jersey it could be i think there is a burger in new jersey bergen county yeah it's the opposite of new jersey what's it like over there it's they're they're a beautiful people i don't know if because they were doing eugenics or whatever especially in sweden i think that's the dirty secret of sweden it's like if you're ugly they're like okay this one goes this one go into basketball yeah we're putting him here and uh they're beautiful swedes are beautiful viking people that age amy yeah it's gorgeous i ate whale there you ate a whale i ate whale there with uh well magnus betten here he's like a big uh swedish comic and in norway it's weird because these those houses they're like so nazi like they are they're all the same yeah well they're you know found they're all germanic tribes but these are like the good germans the norwegians and swedes look we have red next is yellow next is redness white wine yeah welcome to norway purple roof here's some herring for breakfast they're uh they're smart they're advanced it's clean they speak four languages or they speak like english uh you know swedish or norwegian which is the same language like the norwegian the norwegians can understand the swedes the swedes struggle to understand the norwegians but uh yeah in denmark sweden and norway it's the same language but it's different they can like neither one of them the norwegians and swedes can't understand um the danish but the danish can understand the norwegian sweet it's bugged out they're bugged out they're all kind of they share a history and then the finns are like different they have a different language that's not based on uh what is it indo-hungarian or whatever and they're like four blocks away they're like right there
weird and like the fins are like these weird blonde people with mongolian they like have asian eyes but they're like blonde it's because they're like i think they were mongolian they came over and they mixed with the germanic tribes they're bugged out but they're like the smart they have the best school system in finland they don't have grades they have like four day school days how they like they they the kids don't have homework and they're like the smartest no homework yeah awesome yeah that's the way when you're a kid you hate homework what the [ __ ] is homework it's [ __ ] they're trying to get you in the cubicle yeah they're trying to get you into a spot yeah stay here yeah keep working yeah no sleep yeah it's it's that's another thing that's antiquated even the five day work week why why yeah it used to be seven right and then they i would give them two why eight hours a day why one third of your [ __ ] day yeah and then you have commuting so that's two hours up and back so you have like what six left and then you go to sleep no good uh yeah and in scandinavia they you know i think in france now it's a four day work week like i think it'll be good for the economy because then you have more money to spend sort of but they can't compete with us no was the last time you saw a great french comic oh yeah well yeah they have their own scene where they take our jokes and then perform them in french yeah and they know it yeah good luck yeah good luck [ __ ] face they love their culture they got good stuff they got good cheese and stuff great bread yeah i remember this one bartender in brooklyn this this pissed me off she was this was a french thing she was french and it was a french wrestler i went in and i was like i was in love with uh duvall you know that like
beer duval duval so it's due i called it duvall because i'm an american idiot according to her so i went in and i was like can i have a duvall and she went quoi and i went uh duval you know the beer and she did like the what like seven times and then she went oh you mean duvel and i was like you made me do that you [ __ ] cause i was pronouncing it wrong yeah yeah it's good what did you call it i called it a duvall but it's called duvel according to her it's spelled duvel so i don't know what the [ __ ] is wrong with you is it good it's really good man it's really good better than budweiser i doubt it uh yeah budweiser gets warm it tastes like piss i'm sorry yeah duvels tastes like when it's warm good point yeah good point i haven't tried i've tried it warm probably [ __ ] too we used to always hear that about like european beers they liked it warm they drink it warm i think sometimes well that's why they didn't succeed [Laughter] it's better cold let's be honest yes yes most things are except for [ __ ] it's good when it's a little sweaty yeah yeah yeah you don't want cold beer in like like like cold [ __ ] no no you want to be cozy [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah cold beer and warm [ __ ] yeah i called you a warm [ __ ] yes yes yes yeah duvel yeah well they're they just live in cold up there i mean it's like no sun highest suicide rate i think is like one of those countries finland sweden and norwegian in the north they got a weird tribe of people called the sami people or sammy sami and they're just like native they have their own world up there nobody goes up there and they're like a tribal people they told them about the land that's sad yeah anytime someone doesn't want to come into your neighborhood that's not good no what do you mean like
them coming down or us coming there yeah but then don't we [ __ ] up their [ __ ] [ __ ] up they live in terrible places yeah warm beer and cold [ __ ] yeah yeah i mean try chick-fil-a it's great we shouldn't we should go to skinny like have you tried the [ __ ] chick-fil-a chicken fillet is so good we tolerate them being closed on sunday so good and we tolerate them they're not for gay marriage because that chicken sandwich is so gay people eat chick-fil-a you can't help it dude it's so good i don't know what they're doing the right amount of buffalo sauce what is that it's the buffalo sauce can't lay off buffalo sauce is that what it is i'll [ __ ] eat buffalo sauce on a boot i don't care but it's a weird thing it's like we know that they're like super religious to the point where they close down on sunday i'm like whatever like whenever i drive by chick-fil-a on sunday i'm like uh oh yeah can't get in there yeah because they're like really is that because they're religious yeah yeah 100 yeah they're legitimately the only fast food like major fast food chain that's closed on sunday yeah yeah what happened to all those fundamentalist christians remember that was like the big they were big are they still big joel olsteen's big i mean that kid does arenas arena yeah he's like you in the religious world he's killing that yeah he's [ __ ] killing the game yeah his material is a little stale but he's [ __ ] killing it doesn't have to be good yeah he's just like not a lot of competition right right imagine if comics started doing religious [ __ ] like comics start doing arenas comics due to arenas it might be like like religious arenas oh there we took over yeah we started doing both stand up do arenas in a day for jesus night for dick jokes yeah well yeah but that's the problem it's a it's like it's a a a an art form that's underrepresented
by talented people would which one the the the religious fundamentalist religion yeah it's just an art form right it's just a it's a you know you're getting people ladies and gentlemen jesus wants you to succeed jesus jesus yeah and so many people like they want happiness they want success they want redemption they want all those things yeah and you should they should be able to do that i think mediums too like if you believe that if you believe john edward can speak to your dead relatives why are we being mean to john edward that's a skill he has an earpiece in he does a video piece in yeah and he does the i love that the cold reading is like is anyone here did anyone have a john a j j someone's like yeah it's like what you can talk to dead people but it's like a bad connection what do you have like metro pcs ah he's better than metro pcs yeah yeah if you can pull it off get your money long island medium yeah she crushes who's that you don't know uh the long island meeting oh i do i was i was in a a place in vegas and i looked at like the the schedule for the future yeah and the long island medium was like two weeks later i was like what she crushes she's big she had a show and she's just like a housewife in new jersey who speaks to dead people um does she really of course not of course not course not there she is look at her hair oh my god i'm from long island look at that [ __ ] hair yeah jesus christ look at that hair it's like she wants you to know she's full of [ __ ] yeah teresa caputo teresa can't make this stuff up yeah go back to that what was that make that bigger so my [ __ ] read old eyes can read it what does it say in case anyone is interested in reading about the live experience i think these are oh fam testimonials oh god damn it
you can't make this stuff up but you can you totally can you can make a lot of [ __ ] up go to the photos i want to see the people that believe show me yeah there you go yeah that girl on the lower right the girl in the upper right rather with the blue dress she believes she believes of course she does that guy in the middle go above her appearances i understand that guy of course he believes he wants to [ __ ] her yeah what's the [ __ ] right in the hair he wants to [ __ ] her hair keep going scroll down looks like she has an animal on her head oh my god it's it's an alien yeah look at that look at that guy that's that's steve harvey these are all tv shows that would be funny if she really like if god chose her right yeah that would be funny yeah but probably not right no probably not yeah yeah probably full of [ __ ] you ever see that documentary about the guy who tried to prove those guys wrong and did it oh what's he oh god it's such a good documentary [ __ ] it's it was on netflix for a while and he actually was faint it was the great his he was a guy like darren brown you ever heard that guy darren brown i found him on yeah who like proved that it was wrong but he did it before darren brown and like the biggest medium at the time he called him out for being full of [ __ ] he went in he had like a team of guys going and they caught the radio waves of them and totally called them on their [ __ ] the great something his name was like the great i can't remember it's an amazing documentary it's sad yeah people people want to be manipulated they reality is kind of like uh reality's full of pain people don't want it they want to believe that their relatives are talking to them watching over them their dog is galloping in heaven you know galloping in heaven yeah that is what they want yeah maybe maybe your dog is maybe you know
or maybe your dog is now a butterfly yeah worm food and then we continue on yeah or your dog is now your baby yeah comes back the spirit comes back as [Laughter] people step on ants you come back as an ant yeah it goes on forever and ever and ever there's got to be a finite amount of energy maybe maybe reincarnation is true well the weirdest the weirdest description of uh life i ever read was this guy was just describing how you live the same life over and over and over again until you get it right and i brought it up to my daughter the other day and she was angry she was like i don't want to do this i go wait a minute stop do you not love your life she goes i do i do not love your family she does i do do you love your friends she goes i do but i think i go but wouldn't you want to just keep going and she was like looking at me like what have you got to do this over and over and over again until you got it perfect it's not possible well you do you say this because of the life you're living right now at times you know you ratted out your sister times you know you lied about like like using your phone the times you lied about you know what whether or not you were paying attention doing zoom classes at school is that what it is or like if i had to live this life over and over and over and over again for infinity would i be upset don't i enjoy this like why am i worried about living it forever and ever but i think for a lot of people that's more disturbing than this life ending if it didn't end it would have no meaning nothing would have any meaning what has meaning right now i don't know i mean death kind of gives everything meaning because really it makes it special i mean imagine if i was like hey if i don't see you tomorrow i'll see you in the next million years or trillion or
infinity everyone's afraid to die but no one's afraid to sleep yeah they're right sleep is the cousin of death i don't sleep because when i had coveted i was scared to sleep i've developed some weird fear of sleeping that i and i wasn't sleeping i had to take uh to close how long did this covert thing last for you it was like three weeks three weeks three weeks yeah wow jamie got over it in a day he's got superior genes man young james crushed it yeah i yeah i jamie thought he had like an allergy yeah yeah mine was three weeks mine was like uh it was bad that i had like the gi version so it got in my gi tract and the diarrhea was legendary i was like on the toilet like do you feel like overall though the experience of getting through it has like made you like better i do i do it humbled me it uh it made me appreciate health in a way that i've never before appreciated it where it's like that's all i remember saying to myself i would give up anything to just be healthy and be with my wife and my daughter they're my life and that's all i care about and that was something for a comic yeah comics are we're just like these damaged narcissists that always think about ourselves and uh that is a really beautiful thing that i think came out of it was like the only thing i cared about during that whole thing was like getting back to my wife and daughter and now it's stuck with me like i don't i think even doing this massive show i would be like a lot more nervous and i and now i'm like this is the greatest thing this is the comics jewel now to sit down with joe and [ __ ] talk and this is great this is one of the best experiences of my life but being with my daughter and my wife is just like nothing i just want to be with my daughter and it was because some of that was like covered kicking my ass being like
i just want to feel healthy to get back with my family and that and that has that's still there and i don't think it'll ever go don't you think that's awesome it's amazing that's the best thing about overcoming adversity yeah yeah it makes you stronger it does make you stronger it humbles you and through that humility you you you do grow empathy you grow sympathy you see yourself critically like i was calling all my friends and apologizing i was i and that made me scared to him i was like am i losing it like because i needed to call everyone because i started to become like this really closed person and like that i wasn't talking to anyone and you know and uh it really it really opened me up to like uh just being uh more open and connecting with people and just not it just changed me it totally changed me to be a better person for sure that's what we should all hope for everyone should get covered bad bad case but like things that like challenge you yes yes 100 100 percent the the scariest things facing your fears the things that uh hurt you the most that you get through it's a cliche but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is just it's just [ __ ] true it's just a true thing and you almost don't become a better person unless you have adversity there's no it's like how good would muhammad ali be if he didn't have the rumble in the jungle or frasier would he be the great you know if he was just mowing everyone down that's the thing about khabib you're like did he face someone he mowed everyone down and that's yeah but he mowed down the best of the best done the best connor fought him after a two-year layoff he was kind of boozing a little bit right like if you think conor was in the flow
you think he would have maybe had better takedown defense maybe would have he won a round nobody's ever done that i want to see one more fight between them well the kids are tired i know i'm done i know do you think that eats connor up like he just maybe but it's supposed to eat him up i mean he's gonna level dust i mean he's gonna level him who knows i mean kid's a good striker and dustin might crack him he's got to get ahold of him or uh i don't know he's got a good chin too conor the only thing is he gasses he gasses well he gasses because he sprints like his his whole style is explosive right his whole style is like just darting on you with like like explosive fast twitch muscle fiber you know really fast punches and kicks and just tries to end you quick you know that's the the beautiful thing about like balance you hit the gas quickly you don't have it at the end yeah that's uh there's no yang without a yang for every strength there's a weakness mma is that's what makes mma so dope you're watching two dudes you're like this guy's strong here striking this guy's good this guy's good at jiu jitsu this guy's that's why it's an analogous life it's like there's a thing that makes it uh it you can reference all the various aspects of any kind of discipline where it's like a really difficult struggle you could reference those and use those as an example for life yeah yeah and maybe the world in america is the way that it is now is because people a lot of people are not having kids the people on the coast especially are waiting until they're like 60 to have kids and like they're not going they're so comfortable in the city they don't have to their food's just right there in the supermarket they're avoiding struggle there's just no struggle they're scared parents are paying for their rent they're living their dreams oh parents
paying for your man oh so dangerous do you think it'll be better here's my idea you tell me joey think about this if this is my political platform cause so many people with dreams come to cities and gentrify cities don't you think there should be like a dream police where we like we hire a bunch of people from that city like lower you know is that a police song huh the dream police women's on the other hand is that i don't know sorry but then like you get like five years if you're gonna be a comic or an actor or writer you get like five years and if you don't make it then we hire like a bunch of like uh underprivileged kids to just beat the [ __ ] just jump them one night there's some people that like they get through five years and they figure it out i know they figure out what they're doing wrong and then they they they rise but too late you missed your five year quarter now that keeps the dream train moving you know yeah but the dream train can't have that because everybody's perspective is different yeah the place they're coming to it from is different you know some people it takes them 10 years and they rise yeah it's like we don't want to deprive people of certain folks all right well i'll remove it from my platform then yeah it's a you can't put a timeline on evolution you know it's like something you know champs are still around so are people yeah chimps are starting to use rocks and tools you know there's a a lot of anthropologists that think that uh primates are in the stone age right now i saw a video of that one fishing or some [ __ ] like spear fishing right yeah orangutan yeah yeah it's bugged out yeah it's crazy yeah hanging onto a branch yeah and spearing fish yeah it's weird that's us that's like uh you know a million years ago whatever and when you look at some of those tribes that they just like the brazilian uh rainforest still
has like those indigenous tribes and it's like it's like looking back in time yeah in wild ways but maybe better because they they don't have the distractions they do they they don't have a lot of the [ __ ] and they're they're doing ayahuasca and like you know like merging with each other yeah on these you know monthly rituals they're getting together and then and they didn't they're not trying to hide from death you know yeah i'm scared of that stuff i'm scared of a loss of control who isn't yeah we all are that's why like i'm scared of drugs and [ __ ] i'm like what drugs are you scared of all of them i'm just don't yeah i don't want to feel anything i don't want to feel like oh my god i'm not in control you smoke pot no what about mushrooms no my i did mushrooms once and i just remember i was running around going where is the script where is the script that's what you're saying yeah everything felt scripted i was going where is the script what do you mean i just remember feeling like uh things were fake it wasn't real and i heard like my one of my friends it just felt like a play that's probably life yeah it just felt like some experience my first time mushrooms too we all thought everyone was here for us we're like thank you for showing up to our movie that's exactly how i 500 yeah really very weird yeah and i was running around saying that and people are going like what are you talking about i was like there's a script where's the script oh i never had that have you ever had a bad trip oh yeah yeah most of the times i smoke pot so why do you continue to do it i forced bad trips you're a beast i don't want it i don't want anything to do with that i'd be like mommy i'm scared enough turn it off i like being scared yeah i do i i like uh i like the being like super paranoid oh my god i get worried about my sanity when i do
too yeah i do too i like it why because i worry ab i i think that like there's a a real i know i've gone through it before the first couple times i probably didn't like it but i know that now i've been through it and i know on the other end i'm gonna learn something about myself what why i'm scared what i'm worried about like the only way to really find out what you're worried about especially if you're a protective person who's like uh you know your ego is strong and you know you you think about yourself in a certain way you gotta obliterate that and the best way to obliterate that for me it's like a bad trip you know because where you get on the other end of it and you go okay i'm sorry like i'm i'm going to be a better person yeah that's it's a scary thing that you always survive you always survive like i know when i'm getting into it that it's scary but i also know that i'm most likely gonna survive so i just breathe and just get through it yeah and i learn something on the other end breathing is a big part of it when you get scared you stop breathing it's funny breathing is huge six seconds in hold it six seconds out yeah when i was trying to get my heart rate down after i was panicking with covey that's what i was doing i was doing through the nose holding it and then letting it out yeah i'm doing it with you now just keep just go six and six out it really turns out to be five seconds you count to six but you're a [ __ ] so you're really really getting five seconds in a six second count that's how i think about myself when i'm nervous about things i go six and six out and it turns out to be like generally about five seconds navy seals can probably hold it for a long time oh yeah you have to yeah yeah well anybody's a free diver you know all that stuff is just about control it's about controlling your your your anxiety and your fear you know but you you concentrate on your
breathing instead of concentrating on your worries and your your fears and you you can get through it yeah you always do that's the thing about anxiety i always it feels like it's gonna stay but it always goes that's why i like bad trips because you know it's going to end yeah yeah cause like i feel in the middle of it this is terrifying but on the end i'm going to learn something i'm going to have a i'm going to have a revelation what was your worst trip oh you've probably had a bunch yeah i got a lot yeah i don't know i mean just fearful just worried about them that i'm going to die without being a good person that i'm going to die without reaching my potential that i've i've stumbled so many times i'll never recover all those things that that who who i know i can be i will never reach you know that uh all the times i've been mean or uh dismissive or that this just like i've set out ripples in a negative way that i i can't bring back right that i can't recover from that's part of growth though you can't nobody's perfect except jesus and that's why i'm really here guys jesus is the way dude we're like four hours and how many minutes in cuomo vows new york will legalize adult use recreational cannabis oh wow look at that como must have [ __ ] eaten an edible yeah realize he probably had a bad trip and realized exactly what we've been talking about he [ __ ] up yeah i mean the whole marijuana what's that gambling and weed in like a week in a week they got to do something well that's the best way to bring back the economy not to that's actually very wise of him yes if that [ __ ] [ __ ] newsom would realize the same thing you want to bring back california [ __ ] face you know you [ __ ] up french laundry boy [Laughter]
you gotta do it legal weed and prostitution legal weed is already a thing in california they need to bring back the cannabis why not prostitution why not tack make it legal and tax or yeah make gold digging illegal you're going to be honest [Laughter] i mean you got to respect those ladies that's a job it isn't someone you don't want to [ __ ] yes and all the maintenance to look good and get your tits done that's a job yes maybe they should be taxed on their whatever their stipend is their weekly stipend no no no they should be they should be free free to commit gold digging but we have to recognize that gold digging is not that much different than prostitution very similar it's legal prostitution yeah if you see a dime and she's with rupert murdoch yeah you're like you need to pull her aside and interrogate her or legalize prostitution yeah that's a prostitute it's a prostitute yes all those girls have [ __ ] harvey weinstein what do you think is going on yeah you think they loved him for his [ __ ] personality and his body zero chance zero chance yeah i'm no mathematician but zero chance yeah yeah i'm not a mathematician either but i'm sensible yeah yeah no that's that's the same thing that's why why's the same thing why is prostitution illegal it's it that it just makes no sense no sense it's no sense it's one of those things that's you know it's going to happen yeah it's it's harmless in a lot of ways it's a choice here's why you'd actually make it safer if it was legal you don't want your daughter to do it no that's why it's no i don't be like stop no make it stop yeah yeah no no it should be legal though but you know it should be discouraged same way as being a garbage man
yeah i mean there's just no way to get at it there's just always a downside yes yeah it's a downside that's reality we need your garbage picked up and some guys need to come and you just need you need those needs their needs that need to be made i think the world there'd probably be less violence if prostitution was legal 100 guys get these nuts out these insecure guys will get these nuts out not not just that but there's a lot of people that just don't have affection and love and you know i mean there's people that they get paid to s spoon with people you know that right yeah yeah i've seen that yeah how is that legal yeah but it's a problem when people come right when's it a problem when the general how come it's not a problem when people massage your feet right right yeah you're saying it's like so yeah if like some juice came out of your feet then it makes it illegal what's the difference but juice that's a good point man that's a very good point yeah yeah it's [ __ ] ridiculous it is it's like a bunch of nanny people nanny state it really is you know you can't stop prostitution shouldn't stop anything and it's marijuana is one of those things you're like what the [ __ ] took so long for it to be legal i mean all the evidence that's when people get skeptical of the government they're going what the [ __ ] man so i can beat my wife kill you in a car uh you know decimate my family die of liver damage yeah but i i can't smoke a bowl you can drink yourself to death to death it's alcohol is a hundred times more dangerous than marijuana not even the same animal yeah and it's like that's illegal it just doesn't make sense so what's cuomo's plan [Laughter] look at a plan i just thought they were going to do it in two weeks no no i was saying in the last week they've announced that they're going to legalize gambling oh and also this plan
well they need to that's a good move for him especially with the tax base gun now all the rich people have have fled you gotta damn they fled that [ __ ] de blasio that [ __ ] [ __ ] it's brutal that's silly man yep that's a i didn't think it mattered who the mayor was i didn't used to think so either i didn't think it mattered but when the [ __ ] hits the fan and someone could shut down restaurants you're like oh my god it matters yeah it matters so much in some ways it matters more than the president if you live in new york city yeah 100 percent yeah yeah it matters so much or if you live in los angeles you are setting that [ __ ] it needs a republican mayor it's a tough money town like that's what makes that's the that's why when aoc was like and uh marcakis or whatever his name is some greek kid was a local councilman they were like no amazon i'm like what are you talking about man no amazon what do you think makes a city a city in every throughout history it's like cities come up around business 30. it's like what do you want to do more nail salons and pizza shops like how are we going to [ __ ] get jobs here yeah it's the digital age yeah it's like amazon wants to come of course they get tax breaks that's why they're [ __ ] coming exactly do you know what that does for the economy you dummy you [ __ ] dummy yeah and she was like that money could go to stuff it's like you don't even understand where's the money come from where did you come from dude yeah it comes from tax the rich she sold tax the rich sweaters for 58 yeah you know that i didn't know that but you didn't know that no she sold sweatshirts they said tax the rich on them and they cost 58 bucks yeah that's fine but you got to be rich to buy this what does a [ __ ] sweatshirt cost without tax the rich on it it's probably like ten dollars where's the other 48 dollars yeah yeah it's so [ __ ] dumb it's so dumb
yeah when anyone thinks they have all the answers that's when you go like i'm skeptical of that person yeah you should be yeah you should be giannis pappas we just did it it's a long long time coming but i'm glad thanks for having me man my pleasure brother yeah i really really appreciate it thank you very much so much fun it was a lot of fun let's hang out tonight yeah man we'll do it again yes sir god bless america god bless the world praise odin anything else no i was gonna say those three things that's a wrap bye everybody [Music] you