Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxEZcP5hmP8
jesus what's up man what's up brother good to see you good to see you man thank you so much for this amazing opportunity i i couldn't sleep last night oh yeah yeah no i was excited i laid down my my my outfit and ironed it i'm like you know i got yeah lint roller that's so crazy dude you and i have been friends for years you gotta gotta relax but this is a big deal i mean you're you're you're trying to get that [ __ ] out of your head try to get that big deal out of your head yeah just clean it clean it you got a big deal tomorrow night show time well when this airs it'll be tonight yeah it'll be tonight show time my first one hour special that's amazing i'm excited for you i've seen you working it out it's hilarious [ __ ] thank you and i know you've been really grinding up until this pandemic but luckily you filmed it you got under the wire right how many months out were you um i filmed november 2nd okay so you missed it by a couple months that's good yeah november 2nd i filmed it and you know people think i i named the special stay at home some because of what was going on but i landed on the on the title uh in the summer it's called stay at home yeah stay at home son okay and uh i you know if i would have named it i would have put a comma right before the sun [Laughter] really drove the point but yeah i was excited and and yeah my first one hour special it's like one of those things where you like you dream about it as a kid and here it is and it's like how many years you've been doing stand-up now uh 13. oh that's good i started when i was 20 and i'm 33 now there's a thing that they say uh i don't know who they are but i say it too who are they who are they ten years takes ten years to become a real comic that's what they always say i don't know why they say that is it like the black belt it's like you know it takes 10 years to
more or less to get a black belt then the learning begins well you're always learning you know i think that learning begin stuff is kind of it's a weird way to say it because you're always learning you know i understand what they're saying that there's so you once you underst it's like there's an expression i think it was either darren uh dennis or terence mckenna said that when the bonfire of knowledge increases the surface area of ignorance is exposed so the idea is that the more you know the more you realize the possibilities and the less you really think you ever knew anything when you're young your knowledge is so limited and your world is so small that you get cocky and you think you also your brain's not fully formed right you think you know you're way smarter than you really are but as you get older the older i get the more i understand i'm like oh this is all madness like this whole thing's like tied together with bubble gum and [ __ ] shoe strings they could fall apart and fly off into the universe like this as i get older i i'm i'm less confident in everything i'm more more uh puzzled by everything and i think i know way less the more i know like i know way more than i knew when i was 18 but i'm way less confident yeah that's that's absolutely true the the older i get i i seem to just even doubt myself more because i'm like what do i know it's like i guess you know even in standard when you first start out and you have those first few minutes you're like oh no this is funny and then you you know with time you're like that was not funny no at all so it's like you hold things less dear yeah you know they're it's not like you know your first five minutes you're like oh man this is you know late night show here we come and then just like you're looking back like i couldn't believe i was doing that but that's how i tricked myself into doing
new material it's like i imagine that this is day one of stand up for me and this is the only material i got and i think it's hilarious and that i go up there and i try to do it like as if i'm starting out and i think this is that's that's the only material i have right that's a good way to do it man i mean i think the method that guys are doing now like every i guess like louie probably started it off because louie was doing one a year for a little bit i think that's too much i think it's too much one a year but there's something happened around that time where i think i believe louis ck was probably one of the big reasons why people started doing a lot of really regular specials because he was he was if he wasn't the top guy he was certainly at the top and you got to remember this is when chris rock had taken that he took that self-imposed exile just decided to not really do shows except whenever he wanted to for like 10 years right so during that time louie really came up and louis when he was at its peak was doing a stand-up special every year and i think even he thinks that they weren't as good as they could have been if you gave it two years or three years or something like that but then everybody started doing that so throw your material out and then the the number if you go back i bet i bet if we had like a chart that showed the number of stand-up specials made like when the internet became really popular in like the 2000s and then things started getting on the internet like youtube clips everything just ramped up everything in a big way the not just the sheer volume and everybody does the same thing now you abandon your material and then you do all new stuff and i think like louis ck during during that time too like he disrupted the business model of introducing like the five dollar special so it's like it became something that was like hey you know you can self-produce it put it out there there's no middleman middlemen
exactly but i feel like the the the the hour like throwing away the hour every year seems to be like what comics do overseas from what i understand like the edinburgh fest they go in they do the they do the themes right yeah they do kind of like have you been i've never been i i would like to experience that but i think american comics really like honed this special for years you know and and it takes so long to get the first one and then in between but now it's like you know like you said it happens a lot more everybody's doing it now ari loves that edinburgh he says it's right too i say it wrong edinburgh edinburgh edinburgh do you know how no it's kind of scottish extra like adam stuck in your throat yeah but um they do themes apparently i haven't been but uh the way ari describes it it's like you know to do a scene a theme on childhood so like this whole hour they'll write over the year and it'll be dedicated to childhood no then they'll go perform it at you know a special and then the next year they have a new theme it's like they favor like the one-man show kind of thing yeah yeah yeah you know and but they have their own versions of it right like um there's like the eddie if version of or eddie izzard rather adift the australian version uh eddie if you know eddie right yeah yeah of course american american does a lot of stand-up in australia but the um eddie izzard excuse me his version of it is uh different than say like like who's the ricky gervais i would say is like the top dog right that's over here in america from england and he does pretty much american style stand up wouldn't you say would you say that yeah yeah he's pretty much yeah he's i mean he hosts you know shows here you know so it's like yeah it's more in tune and in sync with what we gravitate towards here in the states i believe well he's also like a very brave social commentator like when some shit's going down he's usually got a hot take and it's
usually controversial but usually correct you know he he's got balls he's a critical thinker you know i put him in that category and i think you know a lot of comedians have this critical thinking mind i i'm not one of those i'm more of the goofier side of things but in the spectrum of comedy i think there's like gervais and you know it's like chappelle and yourself that kind of dissect you know a certain element of a premise you know it's like they walk down the alley and they flash the flashlight on the tangents and explore it it's almost like a modern day philosopher i feel like you know back then they would go to the plaza talk you know these points out but now it's like it's comedy well one thing i've noticed in particular in uh these last couple of months when we haven't been able to do stand-up so first of all some people are figuring out how to do it anyway like andrew schultz got it nailed andrew nailed it he's got a name nailed it he's absolutely it's so fun to watch yeah i'll be turning the phone before he tells me to turn it like that's how excited i am dude he's he's put out some [ __ ] amazing ones that one on joe biden was just epic it was epic i didn't see that one oh my god how biden's the perfect president for right now because the world oh yes i did see that yeah it's so good yeah it's like he's writing these pieces and then he's doing a different thing because like the comedy clubs aren't available which is where he would be working all this stuff out in the comedy club so instead of just waiting he said no i'm going to just do it and i'm going to make this content and just make it so good i don't even need an audience like everything's rapid fire it's all monologue he's having fun you can tell he's being silly and having fun they're great man they're great it's presented perfectly it's it's yeah it's everything about it it's impeccable yeah it really is and you know my boy
tim dillon his [ __ ] that he's been doing hilarious during this pandemic all right it's been some of the i saw the one you posted yesterday history he's an animal he's an animal he's so and he's so prolific i love that he's always always working always doing something yeah he's bulletproof for sure he's so good it's just yeah he's he's so funny and just the sweetest guy ever he's the best guy and i think that like there's a real hope for the future stand up knowing that in this dangerous time guys like that are still out there swinging from the hips like throwing bombs you know like andrew schultz throws bumps he tells you he would he's saying the [ __ ] in these videos that he would say if you guys were just hanging out yeah and he's like [ __ ] it and that literally looks funny yeah it's like i feel like that liberty can be taken now because there's no network in the in the forefront it's his channel he can take those risks he's not worried about getting let go per se yeah you know but there is some kind of repercussion on social media social media people like you know they're adding him and stuff like that you know reaching out but not that it matters he does the comment he wants to do and i think that's satisfying as a comic to see it's the only way he could do it he's one of those dudes he's got he's you know he's an all-in marches to the beat of his own drums yeah those there's guys that'll step into uh like traditionally comics have been kind of lazy a lot of us are alcoholics a lot of us gamble a lot of us sleep late and irresponsible and you know and for the longest time before all these uh specials were getting produced a lot of guys were doing the same material forever just kept doing it forever and ever well now you're forced into this position where you can't really you can't really do that when when
there's no shows so who steps up and who does stuff and like picks up the pace of the stuff that they're doing online and that's that's where schultz has come in and tim dillon and and a lot of these guys are doing that you know uh fahim does he does a lot of hilarious he's so funny he's so funny man he's so unique fahim anwar has a a bunch of great [ __ ] with him having conversations with him yeah he's he's he's so funny and and and again he he recognizes that that he can write his own stuff and just puts it out there it's it's done very simple like editing wise but i mean it's all phones it's great it's great he's one of the guys that i love watching at the store for him and jamar neighbors i mean dude no one's ever done the instagram better than kyle dunnigan i've said that before i'll say it again till the day i die that [ __ ] goes in his oh my god have you paid attention to his face swaps have you ever watched no no i'm not sure you've never seen cow dogs i gotta follow him yeah i gotta follow oh my god dude he's got a bit where bill maher is in a gang bang and you you can't breathe when you watch it it's so preposterous it is so preposterous and it's that really bad face swap which makes it better right because when it's too like dr fakenstein or the faking those guys scary they're scary yeah it doesn't it's so good it's like what that that's trump's face on a baby how did you do that right this stuff looks wack it's wobbly and [ __ ] but it's like south park like it doesn't have to be realistic and the fact that he that it's not realistic adds to why it's so funny right like you're not attached when kenny dies every episode he's not he's not like a real little kid but his head goes flying right he'll be [ __ ] up there's something satisfying comedically when you see the production value not at a hundred percent yes you know it's like we we almost accept it more yes
yeah but you you'll allow things to get through your filter right because like they're like cartman he doesn't look like a person he looks like you know you understand that that's who he's like a little kid druid words are coming out of that so that is the thing but when that thing dies there's no emotional connection right because it's not a real thing it's not like a squirrel you see a squirrel get hit by a car like ah that [ __ ] little guy but if you see right i see kenny get killed there's nothing you're like all right i can't wait for next episode kind of thing i mean the squirrel might come back as a butterfly it might be a good death right might be a good passage for him that's what's great with cartoons you know it's like all of that it's like yeah it doesn't harm bro imagine if that was really what life was like you started off as a single-celled thing and then that died and the next life you come back as a multi-celled organism and then that dies and then you work your way through the worm world the insect world the spider world what if we're at the end of a long process that started not just biologically started with the the first single-celled organisms but like that's a a graduation that the life form has to go through i think i think that would be dumb because i am but i think it would be cool and if people had an idea that that's what was happening i think people would be a lot more mindful you'd be like because you would experience every level along the way it would mean something to be at the level that we're at right yeah people wouldn't take life for granted as much because it's like man i i have to go through every step of the way to get to here you see what i'm saying when you also run into people that seem like they got a [ __ ] up roll of the dice from the
start like almost like even almost like they're starting out life at a deficit from another life like they owe money on their past life like they [ __ ] their past life up so bad they're coming back in this one they're doing their best but you should have paid the tickets off bro and then there's other people that believe [ __ ] that's even weirder and all this shit's weird right because here's what's weird just what we know is true people have sex they make babies those babies live just be a certain time and then they die right and they have sex and they have babies and then we just all keep doing this but everybody's living like they're living forever right that's that's crazy is it so crazy that you do this same life over and over and over again until you get it right is that crazy i don't think it's crazy it's almost satisfying because it's like oh i have another shot at doing it right because this one wasn't here's what i wanted to be but doesn't that i think that mind [ __ ] you if you really knew that that was true you'd be so mind [ __ ] you would i don't know if you'd be able to live in the moment right yeah because you would be so concerned and like i got other lives i'm not worried about it not just that but you would be thinking like what's the point it's just i'm just gonna do this forever and ever and ever right am i cool with that do you think the human mind wants like a like a kind of kind of a structure an ending like they want to like an ending i want to know how this ends well this is how you have to look at it this is how you don't have to look at it this way but from this is how i look at it i'm yeah that's the way i look at it john we all we exist in these shifts that we all agree uh are necessary like sleep like so we have on and off and on and off and nobody violates that there's no no one gets to not go off on and off you could hold off off for a long time but eventually
two days i've been up for 48 hours boom and you go down you might go down for 12 hours right we all agree that this is a part of this thing that we do so i think we take comfort in like having markers like oh it's lunch time oh it's dinner time let's watch a show and then uh i'm gonna take a shower and go to bed and you know it gets to you get to these markers where they they're in your head and it kind of makes life make sense like oh you're just looking forward to the next thing and looking forward to the next thing but if you knew for a fact that this life goes on forever and ever and ever it could go on a million eons you got to get it right right if this life doesn't give a [ __ ] what the 1950s were like or what kind of cars people drove in the 70s his life doesn't give a [ __ ] it's just gonna do the same thing again over and over over and over and over and over again yeah there's some kind of uh yeah maddening kind of that's crazy what if it's even worse talk to me joe what if you start off as a single-celled organism again right and you to work your way all the way through like yeah reincarnation's real but it takes millions of years what if reincarnate carnation is real but what if you like you get to the top of the game and then boom start off as a bug and you go through the whole that would suck go through the whole thing all over again until you become you again the exact same you confronted by the exact same situations with different outcomes maybe like a hint like something in the back your head's like hey man i think we've done this before i don't do it this time hey man but that's what don't want that yellow it's too long jesus don't run that yellow boom damn but that's what makes it interesting is to have a recollection of the previous you know that's that's what would change in and you know [ __ ] is too hard yeah i sometimes i feel like you do you have something because we know that um like
dogs have like serious instincts man like crazy instincts that are built in they all have them like where's that coming from where are they getting the information why do they know to smell piss why do they know the pee on the spot that another dog did like i didn't have to teach my dog that they don't do it every dog does it it's like where is that information right what is happening to that dog that wants to do that and where's it getting that from i think it's getting it through it's it's genetics getting through his ancestors so there's some sort of a memory or programming that the ancestors have left in the thing it's not a blank slate dogs are not blank slates i mean they say everything has you know some kind of level of programming even plants at the molecular level they say they have like kind of like a binary code in there if you look deep down inside i've read stuff online and it's like i kind of believe that it's all part of like some kind of program of some sort well they know plants communicate in these really weird ways yeah they use the mycelium i think that's what it's called they use essentially fungus in the dirt and the the soil that they live in they they transmit data from plants to plants and if there's a group of plants in like a community of plants and one of them needs more resources like if it needs more water they'll allocate more water to that plant it's very weird weird stuff they've shown that it really does benefit their growth if you play music near them like classical music and talking to plants like all that wacky hippy [ __ ] no that [ __ ] works i remember there was like like am i making that up i'm not right no that's real that's right yeah okay that seems like one of those ones you i could get called out like i remember uh reading this case study like it was in college but so there was a doctor who had water right and you know before he froze the water he would one he would say nice things the next
one he would say like really mean obscene things and then he would freeze it and then the pattern of which the ice would kind of crystallize like the one he said mean things to like the ice would crystallize in a very uh dissonant way like like the pattern didn't look proper and then the one where he said all these nice things it was a very beautiful repetitive organic like uh crystallization happening if that's true and i don't think it is because i'm pretty sure they debunked that but that's one of those ones that i have to be real careful with because i'm wishing for it to be true like i hear [ __ ] like that and i go well that would be dope if you could see that like thoughts and feelings actually come out in your words and they affect physical objects but i think i read that that was debunked oh really yeah but i think it's one of those believed like it's almost like the quantum leaping i've read you know stuff like that where you put your intentions in the water and it's kind of at its earlier routes it's kind of like you know when we have a shot of of whiskey he's like hey cheers and it's putting like you know to your good health yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a positive intention in motion and you feel it yo you definitely feel that right like that's that's interesting because i think we inherently know that it's a real thing like you feel it so that's i think one of the reasons why we want to see it that's why we would think that like seeing it in the ice crystals would be cool yeah it's like under a microscope when he saw the ice it's like you could see that design yeah but it i mean you know eighty percent of our body is water it's like to to think that there's not some kind of like living thing that it's affected by emotion and and reactive to our words which go into plants you know yeah because we know those feelings are like when you run into someone that is
mad at you or someone who's said something bad about it that feeling it's like um and if you see someone that you miss like oh what's up right there's that feeling you know like the feeling that you get when a great song comes on you know that feeling where it's like everything [ __ ] charges up you're like yeah yeah it changes your mood hence a workout playlist yes exactly exactly so i think sound and you know the you know the sound that one can make it's like the language could be different but i think the vibration that stems from here there's something that happens between here and here when it comes out that's it it affects it it affects people it's like you can have somebody not speak the language and yell at you to know that oh this guy's pissed yeah we'll just give you that look you're like i better get out of here you're right if someone's mad at you and they're speaking some language you don't know it's almost like purer like you feel it like an energy like i don't know what this guy's saying but i i get his intentions his intentions are very very obvious despite the the language gap yeah and to bring it full circle like even dogs like i have a i have a phobia of dogs you know i have a terrible phobia of dogs i'm better now but you know i got attacked when i was younger but i can tell you that dogs like they sense it i've been bit multiple times unfortunately and it keeps happening but it's because of my nervous energy they they they pick it up you know like hey what's up and then they're charging at me they smell cancer they've taught dogs to smell cancer which is so crazy they take cancer they put in test tubes and the dog will run down the aisle they were trying to teach dogs to smell people that had coveted oh wow that's the airport he was like why would they do the is that possible cancer i don't know oh my god how coveted would you have to
be the dog to smell it i think they were trying i don't know if they were successful because doesn't everybody have like a few cancer cells and your body breaks down those cancer cells i think that's the key is that like when you get like really ill with cancer your body's just not stopping the reproduction of these damaged cells so i think if the dog can smell it they can only smell it when you got like real cancer not like what normal people the amount of cancer sales people have i'm like how many cells can they smell i i have a theory that that the dogs like the smell that they're trained to smell it's like there's something in the sweat it's like and somebody sweat that that radiates either the smell of you know when somebody's diabetic or when somebody you know it's like they have uh or high blood pressure they have these dogs to kind of pick that up you know there's a very specific smell to somebody when when when they're you know diabetic or in this case covet you probably exert some kind of smell yeah right they can tell when people have a diabetic attack right yeah or when somebody's about to get a panic attack there's a certain level of perspiration that the body provides to to to warn it's a it's a you know when somebody faints you know they start to sweat and that's a mechanism that the body does to help you wake up you know your body goes cold after so it's a certain level of sweat you know it's like you know we drink coffee we go to the restaurant we smell when we go number one and take a piss like oh yeah i drank coffee earlier the weirdest is asparagus asparagus is like yes i shouldn't be nice [ __ ] this tune into my pistol it's instant too yeah right away one little piece i know and that crazy like how is it so instant like you you chew that asparagus and within five minutes you're peeing asparagus smell it's like now i'm paying radiator fluid like how is it going through that quick how quick does that stuff work
what is it yeah it's interesting yeah that body is fascinating well life is fascinating you know it is it's just like this is what we're peering at life through we're peering at life through the lens of being a human being but all of it is fascinating man i get i go down these nature video rabbit holes yeah usually it's like one of those uh nature's metal instagram posts that gets me oh that that that account is anna lee you can't watch that before going to bed i'm up i'm like oh boy no i made the mistake of watching these uh i think their wild dogs tear apart this um it was like some sort of antelope they had disemboweled and they were spinning around and it was either hyenas or wild dogs they're tearing this thing apart while it's alive and i'm like whoa daddy yeah there was one where i saw that that they were like in in in like biting the leg the butt the the neck and the the animals still fighting for life and yeah and the hyenas didn't care that they don't [ __ ] they just eat you they eat you while you're alive dude we are so divorced from what nature is we're so separate from it we're so like so delusional it's so it we're so delusional that people try to get closer to the scarier animals to take pictures with them not not thinking that they're on the menu big ass giant bears and that lady in uh was it south carolina that got eaten by the alligator she was trying to take a selfie with the alligator yeah she was trying to get close to alligator and just [ __ ] ate her it's like what years ago do you remember this story where this woman was and uh like they were doing a safari and she got out of the van because there was some argument yes and and the lion or the tiger yeah that was waiting that wasn't china she she got mad i believe it was in china she got mad stepped out of her car and was yelling and then someone goes
gets out of the car to talk to her come on get back in the car and then this [ __ ] tiger comes up just snatches her and drags her away and what was [ __ ] up is it wasn't even her that died it was actually her mom that died yeah her mom went after her with the tiger then the tiger killed her oh so those girls the first the first girl got away and then oh my god yeah i think she was just in an argument with somebody yeah and it's like for for the tiger it's it's like a like a hot pocket as soon as the doors open yeah done they can't help themselves this is my number one problem with the zoo you you you can't just feed them because they don't want that they want to kill things right so you've turned them into couch potatoes you know and that's they're going to live and they're going to die and you're going to feed the meat which means that animals have to die if you want to not be cruel you should have those animals kill animals that's what it should be it should be like they are in the wild or as close to it as it can get and you can't just feed them meat on a tray and expect them to be happy yeah psychologically they they they lose something right it's like they they get depressed it's like it's uh what is it a mammal instinct to work for or something yeah they're designed to go chase [ __ ] and kill it here it says uh the lady said i don't look like a deer and move closer to the alligator apparently trying to touch it the 10-foot alligator estimated at 400 to 500 pounds then attacked covert who officials said was five feet tall and 100 pounds this crazy lady decided that she was going to touch a [ __ ] alligator it's just i mean it's not even her fault like she didn't people don't get it drilled into their head with what an alligator actually is these are dinosaurs that live amongst us it's not just an alligator you give it a name and then it's in your head oh
there's the alligator oh there's an alligator that's a [ __ ] giant reptile put that back up again so i can read that one part of it that it is a giant reptile and they have no brain they have this tiny little [ __ ] brain animals latched onto covert's leg and began pulling her into the water oh christ witnesses ran to the water's edge tried rescuing her a neighbor brought the rope that was used to try to pull covert safely back to the shore amid the rescue attempt witnesses report covert very calmly saying i guess i won't do this again she was pulled underwater moments later witnesses said covert never even screamed during the attack holy [ __ ] wow she's probably in shock yeah she's probably in full shock it happened so quick i mean those things move so dang quick alligator's still holding on by the leg her body was finally surfaced across the pond with the alligator still holding her by the leg it quickly dragged her back underwater deputies said jesus christ when the alligator resurfaced with covert's body again a deputy fired several shots from his nine millimeter service pistol killing the alligator and allowing the first responders to retrieve covert's body according to the sheriff's office so that cop killed a monster that ate a lady that just lives in the neighborhood like here's the thing we get used to the fact that alligators live places right so it's not a big deal you know oh yeah there's an alligator if you live in florida like uh i lived in gainesville for a bit i saw alligators all the time you see him if there was no alligators and then all of a sudden there was alligators we'd want to kill them all if alligators came from outer space like a [ __ ] ufo filled with crocodiles came from outer space and just started eating swimmers we'd be like we got to gun these [ __ ] things down we gotta kill them right they're gonna eat people sure but they're already there but they're already there
so we're like oh florida gauges go good go gators go people eating monsters oh man yeah and you you see like you know footage of like you know golf courses with these alligators just you know chilling it's like people are laughing look he's right there dude a baby got eaten by one at disneyland last year a baby they got alligators at disneyland yes dude they have to they have to [ __ ] chase them away oh wow yeah i went there i went there with my family and uh my youngest daughter and i went fishing we went out onto this lake and we're uh going bass fishing it was really fun it was great is like the best bass fishing in the world but everywhere you look is that a log is that a gator is that a lock is it a gator what is that is that a lager a [ __ ] dinosaur that's gonna eat me like bro they get huge huge like 15 feet yeah and that's common that's not like a oh yeah normal that's a normal normal [ __ ] it happens all the time there was one um we went back and forth on this jamie that was uh we couldn't find it at first the one where the alligator was stopped traffic probably it's crazy well they're all crazy but it's crazy it's like you hear you are driving your car and this i don't give a [ __ ] dinosaur it's just walking across the street right well hey they're they're they're building these you know they're building cities on their in their neighborhood so sort of the real thing is they're overpopulated they're over pop look at that thing what the [ __ ] bro holy you imagine you're on your way to your car what are you doing baby come on you know you got like a pack of gum and a [ __ ] diet coke and uh you're looking for your keys and you look and 15 feet away from you that thing is walking across the median what some poor guy twirling a sign going i'm going to go inside for a little bit look at that historic monster like just look how it walks
what a ruthless heartless it doesn't care right monster someone sent me a video i'm trying to find it to show you but like there were two alligators fighting in the middle of like a residential street and they got the other by the head the video like these guys are filming at like four or five minutes one guy goes and tried to grab the tail to like pull him apart doesn't work get in there what's interesting is the alligator is the calmer of the species and because it's the calmer of the species it allows it to live alongside people and people tolerate it because you see an alligator and keep playing that because it's freaking me out yeah i just want to i just want to see him move we tolerate that but we won't tolerate crocodiles you know why because you can't because crocodiles just kill everything they find right crocodiles kill people every day every time they're around people they try to kill them alligators will let most things slide you know so you can kind of and that's one of the reasons i think why they made it this long like they have a different attitude about things they're less aggressive like that the crocodile is too much of a threat and the balance of the ecosystem is so [ __ ] up like somebody released a because florida's crazy and somebody released a couple of nile crocodiles in the everglades and biologists found them and they issued a shoot on site just kill them if you fought you have to go you have to kill them you can't let them survive like if you see a nile croc because if they take hold and they start taking up real estate in the everglades and breeding breeding populations of nile crocodiles in that [ __ ] already unmanageable [ __ ] of pythons monroe dunzo imagine if there was a spot in florida that's just filled with monsters just call it monster soup yeah [ __ ] calling to everglades what do you got oh 20 foot pythons and nile
crocodiles there was a there was a crocodile or oh [ __ ] look at this an alligator is swimming in a texas lake with a knife in its head oh no what in the [ __ ] sugar the guy who tried to stab him in the head with the knife inside his stomach oh my god yeah that guy's gone look at that knife is deep in its head too see that's what i'm saying man you can't have something in your community that could just swim around with a knife in its head and be fine with it you know driving an animal would be freaked out hey what's up guys what's that on your head bob i don't know if a raccoon had a knife in his head he'd be like trying to pull that [ __ ] knife out of its head where'd you get the hat bob i don't know some guy gave it to me yeah that thing's just swimming around i don't even know i can't see there was an alligator in a park out um and uh what is it harbor city there's like a little park i forget the name of the park but somebody had dumped one in there or something like that oh great and it was just taking down ducks it's like a bunch of ducks go there and they were just taking down ducks and i guess the family spotted it and they closed down the park until they got it out and they you know they they did some mitigation there with the with the swamp yeah clean it up because it was it was filthy people were throwing stuff in there did you see the video from mexico of uh the cartel guy had a tiger and the tiger got loose and these dudes are chasing the tiger down the street is they're chasing them yes they're on this road with the lasso these [ __ ] mexican cowboy dudes no way yeah man and they're trying to lasso this tiger what what yeah they got a tiger and they lassoed it and see again if the tiger gets upset and just decides to jump on one of them it's game over it's game over the look at it look at homeboy this recently happened yes man it happened last week oh my god like last last week ish yeah
it was going around on twitter so look this one guy with the chair and shorts yeah he showed up to work look at these cowboys oh my goodness this guy's got a chair in front of him do you think that's going to help you [ __ ] oh my god look at the size of that thing look lasso did bro those [ __ ] cowboys are big ass do you know what kind of a badass you gotta be to throw a [ __ ] lasso around a tiger's neck on a street in what what city yeah what part of it guadalajara that's where my mom's from hysterical guadalajara someone's got a tiger imagine getting that call from the boss it's like hey i need you to go get my tiger you know what the [ __ ] did you just say bro yeah oh man that's that's insane it's like i don't know why people would want you know that those kind of pets is like it's not something that you can tame it's it's wild people people that like mike tyson when he was uh champ he had tigers that's right we had a hilarious conversation about it he was about a horse first right he was trying to get a horse and then the guy said if you want to get you a tiger he's like you get me a tiger something like that yeah something like that yeah tyson but i love that tyson is into pigeons like that's one of my favorite that's my favorite animal i'm just so enamored with pigeons and they're like you know they say the rats of the sky but man they're so resilient like they're not supposed to thrive the way they do when they do yeah they're an invasive species they're actually from europe they're i think they're from europe might be asia i don't remember but a pigeon was brought over here for food they were brought over here yeah they're like you know what squab is i i don't know have you heard of it like the the meal squab no it's on menus like fancy places it's pigeon it's just okay yeah there's they're saying oh squabs on the menu oh excellent that's
it for the fine chardonnay swab is just pigeon i like yeah i love pictures there's something about i'm sure that's true [Laughter] i'm pretty sure it's true i think squab's like a baby pigeon as like uh like lamb is a baby sheep watch it be goat chest meat like something else i don't think so a young unfledged pigeon oh yeah wow so it is like um it's like veal but the pigeon version of veal oh that's it's weird that's that's the one animal is like pigeons i love pigeons i love goats but it's good to know that you can kill them and eat them yeah yeah people eat them for sure yeah people eat them quite a bit bro rats eat them you ever see the video of the rat eating a pigeon in new york city new york rats are resilient that's a i i've seen i've now seen a rant eat a slice of pizza right a pigeon now it's like the rats killing it killing and eating a pigeon um you know they're going to rat war right now there's rat war going on in new york city i hope someone's documenting this because it's really interesting because this for the first time ever rats don't have a steady food supply so all these grasses aren't out there people aren't going to the restaurants not nearly as many look at so this look at this rat killing a [ __ ] pigeon i mean it's crazy like like he hunted it he's biting it by the neck and he's holding on to the [ __ ] pigeon and killing it so what's going on in uh new york city is cannibalism um rat wars where rats are invading other rats territories because there's as many if not more rats in new york city as there are people really yeah there's a lot in the subway like everywhere tunnels and and they're so they're getting their food from these regular sources that now dried up so now they're moving into new territories apparently that's what i'm reading yeah and they're attacking each
other now ugh here it is rats growing more aggressive even eating each other during the pandemic yeah insane ravenous rats a warning for as if new york city didn't suck enough there's gonna be a bunch of rats are trying to kill you that's i mean everyone's stacked on top of each other during this pandemic i miss the worst place to be in a pandemic stacked on top everybody but that makes sense with this whole pandemic stay-at-home thing it disrupted their their food supply there's no way they could survive so yeah i don't mean new york sucks either i mean it sucks right now to be in new york and now you got murderous rats although like it's interesting to see like mark norman was doing a bunch of [ __ ] was just going down the street and there's no one on the streets it's a really really rare time when no one's on the streets and you can just go do that yeah i went to downtown l.a um i've been going to downtown l.a and it's like all the santee alleys and all that it's gone people cannot sustain the the you know the close down you know they don't have money to pay for the leases and the rents it's it's a ghost town down there it's crazy and some people have opened up shops i've noticed that they opened up shots but a lot of them they're not opening again it's scary like there's no traffic i can get from where i live to downtown la in like 20 minutes that's unheard of well it's going to be real weird to see what happens when they turn it back on again right when society goes back how long is it going to take for us to even out because it's going to be a rocky restart it's going to be rocky yeah there's going to be some warm up you know it's going to yeah i saw an article they were saying people are criticizing governor newsom for opening up too soon i'm like stay home stay home don't tell everybody to stay home you stay home right you stay home enough we can't just stay home forever this is not a valid
strategy for dealing with a virus this is not how it works there's all this talk all this talk like as if anyone has the correct answer it is sad i mean you know we were talking about it earlier that you know all these businesses are going to go under like the you know you know child care and barber shops and stuff like that it's like gyms and they didn't do anything wrong they didn't they did everything right and you know yeah maybe in hindsight it's going to turn out that it was the right thing to do and that it stopped the spread of the virus and even though there was some flare-ups here and there it made people more aware and the virus eventually goes away maybe it's possible but even if it's not the right thing to do i think people are just you know doing it out of caution because we don't know what it is but it's not the only strategy there was other strategies that could be employed and they they could have made people more cognizant in protecting themselves it would have really greatly slowed the risk of transmission and i think you could have let people stay working we tell people they can't work i don't i don't like that you know i don't like that not just because it's unconstitutional i don't like that because i don't like people telling people what to do and i don't like that because i don't like one person being in charge of figuring out what's right or wrong i don't know it's one person or a hundred people but what's right or wrong for an entire state of 40 million people to do and to make up the the mind for them based on what based on just because you got voted into office right that doesn't make any sense to me you should be dealing with like legitimate problems not controlling the population through some orwellian mandate we just deem it that everyone has to stay home then you even offer rewards for people in la the mayor was offering rewards
for people turning people in who weren't social distancing yeah that just that opens up what kind of worms that it's like it's not all the wrong moves that's not going to help anyone that you know when i heard that though the whole thing that you can basically snitch on somebody not wearing a mask or not doing you get money yeah that's yeah you're you're setting people up to yeah it's it's not a good thing dude it's so did you ever see the article where it says normally it snitches gets stitches but in this case it's snitches get real like they're even calling it a snitch and and it was an official thing that they released oh my god some marketing person was like yeah i got the thing i don't know if it was an official thing or was the article on it that was in the la times whatever it was and i was like what are you saying this is a terrible idea you're encouraging people to turn people in for rewards do you not understand psychology like there's people that have grudges against people there's people that are they don't like their neighbor they're just going to turn each other in right you can't give people that kind of power right you give people the power to just say tim it's him he's got the scarlet letter and then then [ __ ] they look up your ass with a microscope see if you've been social distancing asus i got my eye on you six feet six feet mask hands hand sanitizer yeah stay safe stay home watch your head i'm going into a cop car today i don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing man they don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing no one knows what the [ __ ] they're doing for them to tell us what to do like definitely you have to do no maybe you should do it that way maybe you should wear a mask and you should stay home don't don't tell me what to do they already have had this on the county page for like snitches get rewards for turning people in for crimes i'm just looking at their site now crimes i still don't like the reward the reward
should be you're a good citizen like if you see someone breaking into someone's car and you managed to catch their plate you should turn that in because you're a good citizen you should cash you get cash how much it doesn't say this is you receive payment for the rewards yeah um i don't know man yeah i think a lot of silly stuff you give people money for things you incentivize them you know it makes it dangerous because you can't there's an incentive to go one way or the other so if someone sees a crime and they want to turn that you know they want to give up the information about that crime whether it's a license plate or description or you got a video or something like that you do that because you're a good person you don't want your mom to get robbed like that you do that because you don't want your neighbor to get robbed you could do that because there's a problem in your community there's a person who's committing a crime and as a community we organize we look we look out for each other we found this it's good this person's [ __ ] up well like the inception of this program wasn't it like like a neighborhood watch program and like you always see that you always see these signs it's like who is in this neighborhood watch program yeah that's the other thing right how much are they watching you know people are so lazy this is kind of there's a bunch of actual rewards up here right now they're looking for information on a bunch of shootings and oh i'm sure 25 000 rewards bro here's the thing they don't have the time they don't have the time there's so many things that are going on in l.a at all times somebody breaks in your house like did you die well we got we got [ __ ] to do they're not gonna have a full-time columbo on the job with [ __ ] dustin for fingerprints i don't have that kind of bandwidth there's no they don't have that kind of bandwidth yeah hiring people especially with budget cuts you know you know they don't have that kind of bandwidth and manpower needed to look
into everything dude this [ __ ] going down in minneapolis it's crazy crazy crazy you see the the video the looting and stuff the video the looting is crazy but the video of the guy the guy the shin on that man's neck while the guy is begging for his life goosebumps like it's so heartbreaking because he's he he's trying and even as he's talking he's like officer i can't breathe like he's that guy's got to have some sort of physical training right he's got to have i mean cops do they teach them jiu jitsu some i mean i i'm i mean but it's like to put the i don't know that and any law enforcement is is teaches me on the neck i mean no no no no that doesn't matter that's what i was gonna say it's like it's a shitty thing to do like if you did that in jiu jitsu class people would be really mad at you they'd be like hey man [ __ ] you get off my neck you know like this is you're in the position he was in too handcuffed on the street would so you have one really hard surface where your neck is pressed on the bottom and then him on the top coming down with his shin that cuts off all blood to the brain that cuts off your ability to breathe like he's got to know that everybody knows that if he's got any training at all he knew what he was doing which is so [ __ ] up he was killing that guy in front of everybody with a camera on him like that's what's crazy about it like he he was just doing it right in front of everybody yeah and you would think after all these that have been filmed all these have had like there's some sort of education to stop this there's some sort of intervention there's some sort of psychological examinations they give people to stop them from getting to the point where they can't separate themselves from as a per you know because he's killing a man whatever whatever happened i don't know if did
they there was a physical thing was there was there a resisting arrest i don't even know what happened no i don't know what would happen leading up to it and i know there was more officers there eventually right but it's like to it's the other officer's not stepping in to put a stop to what he was doing i mean i mean that's that's rough as well man there's another one that haunts me it's there was a story of a gentleman who reached into his uh the cop was in the passenger side window and told the guy to show him his hands and let me see your wallet he goes and reaches for his wall and a cop just empties his gun in him i don't remember how many times he shot it empty sound very dramatic though but he he shot him and killed him and all the guy was doing was reaching for his wallet and i remember thinking like god damn it like how crazy are the interactions between people when you're a cop and you're in that weird position where you literally have life and death power over someone at any any moment's notice you can decide that you were threatened and you had to take a life and if no one's there with a camera how many times how many times have guys died like this where no one was there with a camera right how many times right it was like he he was resisting arrest and he died oh i guess so i guess he's dead no big deal and they just have to trust the paperwork that yeah that person fills out oh he shouldn't have got drunk i guess he died too bad we didn't there's no video but then you see the video of that guy with his shin on that man's neck and you're like god damn yeah if you have any training at all you know you're killing that guy and and that's that's probably the the part of the problem there isn't like not having the proper training like you said if you have any kind of jiu jitsu training like you would be you know i don't know he might have just killed that guy it's hard to say dude i think people that work as cops are just like p they're people they're exceptional
people because it's a very difficult job right they're tested in a way that most of us are not tested but they're just people yeah and there's a giant spectrum of people from people that are like genuinely happy for other people and good people who do you know who love each other and do and then there's [ __ ] monsters there's monsters you know i was watching the unibomb uh unabomber documentary on netflix it's it's really [ __ ] creepy man yeah but one of the parts that's the creepiest is like when he was really young when he was a baby he got sick and the doctors took the baby from the parents for a long time like weeks and when the baby came back it was never the same again it was like detached and never never focused he moved sick but it was also that it was not with its mother for weeks and something happened to him and then he grew up just to like lack empathy and always have this like anger inside of him very [ __ ] creepy man very creepy so just like people are like that right so are cops the the vast majority of interactions people have with cops don't end up like that are fine every i mean i've had of the vast majority of all interactions i've had with cops particularly before i was even famous were positive i'm respectful i grew up around cops my martial arts background was always training with cops i knew cops constantly they're just people man and people they vary the problem is when you give people the ability to have that kind of power over other people the people i can shoot you if i think you might have a gun i don't have to see the gun i can just start shooting you like that or maybe you're just so pst ptsd out that you just think it's gone you see a gun there's no gun there you're just losing your [ __ ] mind cause you've seen too many people die over the last couple of months that's possible too man cops are in a constant state of alert
they're pulling people over they never know if they're ever going to see their kids again they don't know they don't know your [ __ ] windows tinted the rap music now i smell the weed [ __ ] they don't know they don't know you could be a bunch of cool guys out going to get something to eat like hello sir sorry sir here's my license everything's fine or you could be uh a cartel member like they don't know they have no idea you're always interviewing people that are lying you're always talking to people they're trying to get away with something and then you see violence every day you see gunshot wounds and knife wounds and [ __ ] you you're on the edge man cops commit suicide at a staggering rate it's really kind of crazy it's like it's i don't know if it mimics soldiers but soldiers commit suicide at a very high rate too and i think for a lot of them it's just the regular life in comparison to the chaos of war all like in the chaos of of of this the violence that they'll run into on the streets if you're a cop sometimes it's just incompatible like regular life it's just like you're too [ __ ] up from it and i don't know how many of those guys get treatment how many of those guys get therapy or how many of these guys go into that job for the wrong reasons they go into that job because they like having power over people there's those kind of cops too yeah but then there's great cops this idea that we should hate cops is nuts we should hate a human being's actions we should hate that a human being could do that to another human being you know i don't know why he was so mad at that guy i don't know what if it was pure racism if there was an in in in some sort of interaction that didn't go well i don't know what it was but him holding that guy down with a shin on his knee it's like especially when you watch it because you
know how it goes like [ __ ] man it's it's gut-wrenching it's heartbreaking it's it's so unfortunate that that man shouldn't have died and it just it's awful what that officer did to not have the the empathy or sympathy to to to see what was before him was like hey you're hurting this man it's like he's already handcuffed i mean it's just it's heartbreaking bro it's it would be shocking if he beat him to death while he was handcuffed it would be shocking if we watched him just kick that guy to death it would be insane but somehow or another he thought it was okay if he just put all of his weight on his shin and put it on that man's neck dude i don't know if anybody's ever done that to you but people have done that to me in jiu jitsu i've had guys like when they're passing maybe they go for a mounted triangle or something like that and they put their shin across my neck and not even for long periods of time but it's hard to handle it's hard to handle for someone who does jujitsu it's one of the reasons why triangle chokes are so effective right it's because it's your your leg bone and your other leg bone all that leg muscle and all that pressure triangle ain't [ __ ] compared to like putting all your weight on a guy's neck you know why because you don't get tired of doing it if i have someone in a triangle if i'm on my back and and i i just resting dead weight on a person's exactly exactly so if i'm i have someone in a triangle i have to squeeze i have to use my legs and i used to use my arms but if i'm on top of someone with my shin on his neck i don't have to do anything i just balance and put all my weight on it and he'll die you can kill someone that way and the fact that that guy just thought he could do that in front of everybody is it's that's crazy you all you had to do is put it if you thought the guy was trying to get away it's a jiu jitsu move it's called
neon belly and you've got him flattened out so you put neon back and you just put your knee on his back and you could hold him there and he would be okay right you could do the same thing you hold the body you just put your shin you put your instep right up to his body you put all your weight on your shin and you just hold him there you're a cop you've got a handcuff guy you don't have to put your [ __ ] shin on his neck but but where's it coming from right that's that's what we have to figure out like is it just do do some people just need to be stopped before they ever become cops maybe this maybe it's that maybe it's the the the fact that somebody like that can become a cop it's like did he but that's the question did he was he always like that or did he become like that did he become like that because of the stress of the job did he become like that because of who knows whatever reason is it is it racist could he do that to a white guy too could he only do that to a black guy who's resisting but when you start seeing a pattern you know it's like it's a lot of a lot of lives being lost in the same way in the same manner it's like you start to raise questions it's like how can you make an argument against for what it is it's in plain sight you know it's a pattern now yeah it's it's a pattern but um it's also it's just a pattern with cops um that it's not just a pattern in that you know cops are uh killing young black men but it's also a pattern that cops really there's certain cops who really can't handle that kind of power they can't handle that position they turn bad just like there's corrupt politicians there's corrupt cops and they might not be corrupt in terms of being on the take but they're corrupt in terms of like what they'll do to get a case closed they plant guns
we've all seen that chit we've all seen video so there's a video of a guy shooting a guy in the back and he throws a gun on the ground at the guy's feet yeah dude this is they've been doing that since the beginning of time they plant drugs on people cops have been busted planting drugs on people numerous times there was a cop that was drug he was busted planting drugs on someone with his own body cam the footage from his own camera showed him planting drugs on a guy like they're cops but they're people that's the problem with what a cop is it's like you're giving extraordinary powers to an ordinary person that's what what being a cop is you have to be an exceptional person to be able to handle that and the the truth is most of them are that's why you're you're not hearing this every day all over the world cops are having interactions with people that are positive all the time and it's hard to do for them and you don't hear about it it's just the ones that stand out are the ones where it goes horribly wrong like that but it's not indicative of all cops that's why it's so crazy and i don't know what they can do about that other than have strict stricter standards to keep people like that from becoming cops or is it just that the job makes them that way is it just that the stress makes them that way and seeing all the criminals dealing with all the crimes seeing all the violence just [ __ ] them up so bad yeah even even there was a case here in in la and boyle heights where there was a a man who was not fighting back and the officers going in and just like just find him to the point where he the officer rips his glasses off and starts railing on a guy that is completely not fighting back and and the people there was a home there and the people from the home come out they're like hey you know he's not fighting back what are you doing and he's telling people to
stay back and and you know there was another officer trying to kind of calm the thing but man that officer was way like teeing off on this guy who would you know just holding on to the fence just it was it was right there in boyle heights unbelievable to to see that so there's something definitely broken and wrong i mean i i don't know what it is i mean well it's i think it's a lot of things it's a lot of people that are on edge no matter what they're just people are angry now you give that person the position of power like a police officer then you put them around crime for years and years and years they feel underappreciated their life's in danger every day they see their [ __ ] cousin who manages a restaurant his life's not in danger like what the [ __ ] this is the guy yeah that's the guy look oh man he's not fighting back at all oh man he's just punching him in the back of the head these are terrible sloppy punches see oh he takes his glasses off bro first of all i would would make that guy stay after class i'd be like bro everything you did sucks you have zero leverage in your punches you're so fat you can't even you can't even manhandle this big gentleman first of all this big gentleman barely even noticed that you did all that look at this he's just hanging on like bro you just punched me a bunch of times you shouldn't do that but at least this big guy is smart enough to not punch him back because there's a real good argument that he should flatline that cop but but yeah no it's just a guy with a gun who's got a badge and a job and he just wails on you and you can't do that back like that's not how you're supposed to act when you're a cop the guy's not even moving it's not like he's running away or fighting him and trying to get away it's just it's heartbreaking when you see stuff like that it's like bro you should just let that guy keep
punching just like hold on keep punching key punch that guy was about to have a heart attack he had like three or four more punches left in him they would have fallen to the ground this big old barrel chest and skinny arms terrible punches that's an embarrassment to the martial arts sir and to the police department as youtube goes the youtube comments are just roasting the cop for being like not being able to what you're saying that was terrible technique but first of all here's the reality that guy that he was trying to hit and take down was enormous yeah he could have hit that guy all day long with his bitch-ass punches it's not gonna work that guy was big see the size of that guy's neck like a [ __ ] football player yeah he looked like a pro wrestler or something the guy was enormous he wasn't taking that guy down and if that guy decided to just pick him up by the neck and [ __ ] pile drive him into the concrete he couldn't have said [ __ ] about it right the only thing that saved him is that he was a cop but that's probably why he did it in the first place it's probably why he became a cop you know that those psychological flaws i feel the same way you know i'm i'm i i feel like cops are in a sense they're so necessary and yet so disrespected and underappreciated and then they're also forced into doing things that are that are not what they signed up for like giving people tickets like cops become glorified revenue collectors if you just make them sit hiding behind a bush waiting for someone to go 49 on a 45 like i got him pull over yeah yeah well that's not what a cop signed up for they've signed up to stop bad guys and make the community safer and then it opens up a whole thing with you know you know fourth amendment probable cause you know you get stopped for one thing and it opens the door for for other things on snoop dogg's page he's got a really good video of a good
cop talking about what these cops did wrong and i love this new instagram yeah on snoop's instagram i love that snoop put it up there too because he said here's a good cop and a good cops take and i agree with everything the cop said he was dead on about everything about all of it and he you know he's an actual police officer but i like the fact that snoop put that up there i gotta check that out oh they're attacking people in downtown l.a do you see those cops that were trying to drive through downtown l.a they have a march they're smashing their windows like those are not the same people those are not the people that did that that one guy who had his shin on that guy's neck yeah you're right about him but these are not those people these are just other cops yeah this is the this is the guy this is a good video can i play it yeah play it a little bit let's talk things that happened in minneapolis cop standpoint right i am disgusted with the things that happened in minneapolis piero playing blank things could have went way different at the end of the day let's talk facts guy is on the ground he's laying on his stomach he have handcuffs on it's four of y'all one of him four of y'all one of him who has control of this situation it's not much one person could do against four people now let's get deeper right as an officer you are a first responder right so if in the midst of you trying to gain compliance someone is hurt you have to render aid so somebody's saying i can't breathe i can't believe i can't breathe you don't think to yourself and say oh my gosh this guy can't breathe he might die let me render aid right another point officers other officers if you're going to be an officer is going to stand there and not help and not help when things go wrong come on like you don't see that that's the reason i got behind this badge right
because i want them officers that's afraid to step up i want to be the one to step up if i see wrong happening wrong is not happening in my presence right i'm going to check it and that's period jimmy pull the top down so i could find out what that dude's name is because i think just said from a good cop that guy is who counts right there i think it's uh it's he's got a tick is that his tick tock account jd underscore w-i-l-l jd underscore will well shout out to him because he's he just said it perfectly and that's who you want to hear it from you want to hear from another cop you know everything he says 100 correct you've got four guys standing around there's one guy down you're in control of it and not to provide aid when somebody's clearly telling you officer i cannot breathe and not another cop steps in and say hey man get your [ __ ] chin off his neck you're gonna kill him yeah so sad man here's the [ __ ] up thing if you said do i ever think there's going to come a day where there'll be no crime i'm like no no right why why is that why is that like an insurmountable thing that will never come to a day when we don't need the police like this is where anarchists lie anarchists feel like you should have no police man i don't want the police we'll work it out together as a community eh bro that's how you get kings that's how that's how dudes take over and form an army of other murderers and they [ __ ] start slaughtering people and take over the city and you don't do [ __ ] about it that's where kings come from now you need cops stupid you need good cops you need cops that understand what the job is like that guy a guy who's a big strong guy could handle that situation wouldn't feel compelled to put his knee or his shin on that guy's neck right and and can think critically i mean he went through all the points of
what what could have gone different to change the outcome [ __ ] man it's just in the middle of all this crazy crisis it's everything has been such a rollercoaster ride because in the beginning everything was really scary in terms of worrying about the pandemic but it seemed like people were being a little more chill seems like people were confronted by real danger and were like a little nicer to each other so it was i had a lot of hope in the beginning of the pandemic and then somewhere later on it seemed like businesses started failing people started going bankrupt a lot of suicides a lot of craziness a lot of drinking a lot and then things just got way worse it seems like the online discourse now if you go to twitter or [ __ ] like that seems way more uh aggressive and angry the tone has changed of course you're the tone yeah and now this right i mean this is a this is a terrible terrible situation so this happens we all get to experience it in video and then in the middle of this horrible financial pandemic now there's riots and burnings and like what are they doing in minneapolis and they're burnt buildings and [ __ ] yeah the buildings and the targets and stuff but it's yeah look at this yeah already the conspiracy theorists are out uh i saw some [ __ ] on the instagram where people were saying that uh federal agents were starting the fires they're doing that to control minneapolis they're gonna lock everything down i always wonder who who's they who's they that's doing all that they look at all these fires man there's a lot of [ __ ] fires and these are just like what just p people's buildings so someone's private property got burnt down because a cop's a [ __ ] [ __ ] i don't i know people are angry but just running around burning people's houses burning people's buildings that's that's not fixing anything god damn there's a lot of fires to be from there and look at your city
and be like this is what my city looks like right now it's right now you're gonna walk around this area that you and your friends burn to the ground and how you're so connected to that act now if you're one of those guys that threw a molotov cocktail or did whatever you did to light those buildings on fire when you walk by those things every day when all this is settled all the dust has settled you're going to realize what you did yeah you just burnt someone's building down didn't have anything to do with it somebody probably had a job in there somebody probably had life's work in that building right or life savings to buy the place their business whatever it is he's burnt that [ __ ] thing to the ground but the whole situation it's horrible horrible yeah it's horrible that it's going to keep happening right the cops are going to keep killing people because they're going to make mistakes it's just how it is and what would the solution be there is is there any clear-cut solution or steps to find one or to arrive at one you know well you know who had a great point andrew yang um andrew yang when he was running for president one of the platforms that i really liked he said he wants every police officer to at least be a purple belt in jiu jitsu that's a great piece of advice and i don't even think andrew really practices jiu jitsu if he does i apologize but i think his thought is that you should be able to control someone's body you should have the ability and the understanding how to control someone's body because we've seen these scrambles with police officers where they don't have control and they get [ __ ] up and the cop the guy tries guy gets on top of him and beats the cop half to death takes his gun drives his car away that [ __ ] happens all the time like if you don't know how to fight and you're also the person that gets to enforce judgment that's a crazy that's like
not knowing how to drive but being in a race car on a track like you don't know how to drive right like so you're in violent altercations but you don't know how to do violence right if you don't know how to fight and you're a cop that's crazy crazy i can't imagine that's like i mean that'd be like working at the border and not learning spanish like what are you doing it's essential to the business you're about to take on yes you're going to do a lot of talk in spanish man you better learn it learn spanish you're going to be a lot around a lot of violence you better understand violence you better not just be some [ __ ] barrel chested fatso cop with spaghetti arms wailing away at some guy that barely notices it god damn it jesus it makes you know another thing is it just makes me feel sad like when a story like that is on the news i just feel sad i just feel just bad just feel like you feel like there's like a like a psychic funk that travels over the land you know it's the energy we were talking about you know it's like those things do affect do do affect you know how how someone feels and you know yes it's you're i keep saying over and over again i sound like a broken record but it's it's heartbreaking like you you feel that that pain in this area and i always feel like the only way i could ever um address those things now is to talk about them like people say why don't you post about that on social media when something happens i'm like that's not i mean i could and i certainly do with some things but sometimes like this is like that's something i want to talk i want to talk through because it's so hot dogs need to be had and you know you got to talk it through but also like if you're going to give your take on it the best way i think is talking because i feel like you're going to write some caption on instagram photo it's not for me at least it's not the best way for me to express
myself yeah you want to talk it out think it through and there's also like a lot of celebrities doing hot takes on things you know what i'm saying like every time something goes down they go to this guy like what is he gonna say you go to her what is her feelings right you know and then ever they the celebrities sit there like i'm trying to get a lot of likes with this one i want to really spice it up nice you think that's what it is yeah 100 yeah and it's unfortunate that that's that's the the side that people look to to capitalize for some kind of clout or you know i think it happens a lot with actors with actors you see it a lot because you know there's a lot of cool actors out there a lot more than i ever thought there were but there's a lot of them out of their [ __ ] minds out of their [ __ ] minds crazy crazy crazy great cat [ __ ] crazy out of their [ __ ] mind and they um anytime there's an opportunity to say something or do something to get some clout you know they'll just use the right language use the right hashtags and like put it out there like a little love bomb just let it float out into the middle of the water and boom just hold there everybody's really excited that i made that post decrying racism and letting everybody know that women are going to run the world i saw a photo that's one of the saddest photos i ever saw sam tripoli put it up on his page it's a a bunch of dudes standing around with uh the future it's female t-shirts want to hope that someone photoshopped that i really do i really hope someone photoshopped it oh that it's a fake one yeah i hope it's fake i hope they had like ibm t-shirts or something like they're on some retreat look at this the future is female there's all these guys with the shirt on and sam tripley said what does it say make it smaller so we can all read it the the annual meeting of dudes that report my posts
i don't know if this tripoli wrote that that must be his trouble he's so funny man he's hilarious um so there's all these fellas that look like they could use a good crossfit class a repost is there report accounts these days there's uh loose loose porn accounts that will try to take you off site to somewhere others only fans or what those guys are wearing is just as ridiculous if they have a shirt on that says the future is masculine that's just as ridiculous i mean what do you the future's female is it how about the features humans and you know you have to have male and female you [ __ ] that's how you make babies jesus christ coexist i'm not trying to shame people to make their baby in a test tube i'm just saying the vast majority we need male and female we can all be nice i have a lot of male friends that i love very much i have a lot of female friends that i've loved very much we're all close male and female we can all be cool we can all go future doesn't have to be female jesus christ the future hopefully is a positive one and uh uplifting one but when someone has a futurist female shirt on they're like they want it to be female that means they're going to lean more female than male it's like if so you want you want to you want real equality you should hire the best person for the job always so if you've got this job and you're leaning for this guy he seems like he's better but he's not a woman and there's a mandate to have a woman you're going to go with someone who's just a woman you're going to give them a little break because it's a woman like that's not equality that's not good for anybody the future is a well qualified person that future's a well-qualified person you should have that shirt sell it just follow my uh shows that'd be a great choice the future's a well-qualified person it would be right i'll be an interesting
shirt yeah interesting shirt to sell the future is all people so shirts after a show i don't know that's going to be a thing anymore but um they'll probably go back to that i mean you got to think people went back from the spanish flu to where we are before the pandemic but restrictions i mean restrictions won't allow for it that's that's just kickstands i hope they they lift these restrictions fully do you miss stand up yes yeah how could i not miss stand up i know man i know what is this 1918 uh pandemic photo watching a football game in georgia tech i think wow they're all watching a football game with masks on that's not 95 though it's crazy like we didn't know about this right i never thought that the you know if you asked me about the pandemic i said yeah a bunch of people died from the flu but i didn't think people were walking around with masks on did you i mean we had the those like maybe that full and that full pointy nose mask that uh oh yeah yeah lindsay shepard i can't remember i'm misinterpreting the name of my head it's all mixed up right now i don't want to say the wrong one lindsay fitzharris that's what i was gonna say yeah okay was her right i think so um but yeah that was during that time period i believe because there was a couple different yeah it was her it was about the plague masks right right i'm thinking yeah it wasn't that like they had herbs and [ __ ] down there to take they thought it was going to kill the smell of the plague as you breathe it in that was the idea you ever seen one of them things no oh dude they're they're freaky looking it's like an eyes wide shut mask did they wear those in eyes wide shut oh that's been in a few things as like a villain or a bird yeah you look like a bird so what's going on is that beak is filled with like stuff oh herbs okay yeah and you you smell that walking around with a face mask full of potpourri
look at the goggle imagine if you you you're a girl you're dating a guy and he seems so cool in every way but um he wants to [ __ ] you with a plague mask on you're thinking maybe he's the one maybe we're going to grow together and have babies together they're dating toucan sam 16th century plague so maybe it's just like that was their idea they had back then and it didn't evolve until look at this what it says 16th century plague doctor mask on display at the say that word say that word at the duchenne good luck man medicine what a gnarly thing to come up an engineer and be like no this helps like like the way that they sold this to people and people were like no yeah no the you know people say that this is the thing we got to put potpourri in these masks and smell it and i wonder what the what the actual herbs were like what kind of [ __ ] they put in there that's interesting like what do i guess like menthol or something like how do you make menthol like when you think like menthol rubs what's in there and it leaves is that what it leaves yeah maybe there's some other stuff really it's like a mojito so what do they what does it say what they put in those [ __ ] things i remember lindsay telling us flowers mint it's in there so really is potpourri vinegar sponge vinegar sponge wow the purpose of the mask was to keep away any bad smells known as miasma which were thought to be the principal cause of the disease before it was disproven by germ theory wow so they thought so they kind of knew it was coming through the nose the purpose someone why is everybody wearing masks bob over here let one go but it's hilarious that it says uh you know the to keep away bad smells but they put vinegar inside yeah vinegar doesn't smell too nice smells terrible there's no lavender but ima imagine how
bad people smelled back then nobody bathed no soap no toothpaste your teeth would rot out of your [ __ ] head like hot tomato onion soup oof yeah i mean you would you would smell terrible your feet would stink everything would stink wow that's the image of what people look like when they're dying from the plague so back then when [ __ ] would go down they didn't even know what it was they're just praying to the gods and sacrificing chickens and [ __ ] they don't know what the [ __ ] is gonna happen things they used to do back then is like let people bleed out because they believed in that it was had bad blood now this guy's like dying because their blood supply is yeah oof at least use leeches wow however though the beak mask has become an iconic symbol of the black death there's no evidence it was actually worn during the 14th century epidemic medical historians have in fact attributed the invention of the beak doctor costume to a french doctor named charles la charles delorme in 1619 he designed the bird mask to be worn with a large waxing coat as a form of head to toe protection modeled on a soldier's armor wow first worn by doctors during the plague of 1656 which killed 145 000 people in rome and 300 000 in naples that's a lot of [ __ ] people folks like to put it in perspective i think italy lost how many did how many died in italy overall i feel like it was less than 50. i think it was less than 15. yeah what's the full total 33 000. yeah so think about that right we saw those images from italy it looked like the end of the world right right like they're the hospitals overrun it's 33 000 deaths now think about how many deaths they had in rome and in naples they had three hundred thousand in one place and a hundred thousand and another like bro everybody was dying it's a different thing so even though this pandemic sucks a fat one
yeah we're way better at this [ __ ] than we used to be well good thing they phased out the bird mask i mean you know i imagine we were still wearing that using that science because it actually worked that was even crazier i mean if they have these n95 masks right wouldn't it i mean doesn't like some stuff kill things that doesn't garlic kill a lot of [ __ ] killed half the people in these cities in 1631 yeah look at that wow the population wow wow one in verona they lost 61 percent of their population there's 50 000 54 000 people in 1630 by 1631 there was 33 000 they lost 61 holy [ __ ] man that's crazy but the italians in italy in a lot of ways have that one thing in common with uh folks that live in new york city it's a high density right with them it's density in families their families all live together it's like mom and grandpa and dad and kids built up yeah yeah and they're all around each other they're very social they're just giving it to each other plus they're kissing each other and [ __ ] they're kissing each other kissing each other they're making out while they're sick drinking wine smoking cigarettes are awesome they executed three plague spreaders which they've been talking about in today's world people that are like spreaders have you heard that talked about at all that someone's a spreader yeah like people that are just outspreading bad people intentionally like they know that they're positive for it so they executed people who didn't who defied the governor's orders describing a historical trial and execution of three alleged plague spreaders it says wow then they start publishing pamphlets probably to scare people away from doing it well for sure there are people that if they get a disease they want to give it to you yeah twisted somebody with a twisted shine plus they're angry that they're they're really sick and you're not why aren't you sick you [ __ ]
and they just want to give to you there's some selfish people out there oh terrible terrible people so how long did you work on this set before you uh put it on your special like how when when did you know what the set was going to be i mean i was i was tweaking i was tweaking stuff right up to it just because i i was getting obsessive man i was you know i toured with that hour for for that year you know and you know the paperwork was done by like first quarter you know 2019. so okay so you knew yeah so i knew i knew that i was going to film a special and i i thought that i was going to film it right away you know but then i ended up waiting and i filmed it in november do you think that's better do you like it that way like i always feel like every time i filmed a special if i just waited three months later it would be better i well yeah i i wish i would have waited in in in a certain sense because once once i taped it i had some weekends lined up still that i had on on the books and i went out there and i found new tags and new stuff and i'm like man always man that that that was it it didn't sit well it was like like a lot of dissonance and even as i'm editing the thing i'm like i could have put the tag right there i could have said it this way but it's like it's ever changing so it's like when does it stop you know it's like it's like you know i hear it about documentaries it's like when do you stop a documentary because you know it could continue you know documenting an event forever and so it's like at one point you're just like hey it's a snapshot in time this is the material i was doing from here to here this is what i got yeah that's a good way of looking at it yeah um but you're right about never knowing when they're done and you're right about documentaries man yeah documentaries can go on for there's some documentaries like
like the wild wild country the one that's on that cult in oregon no i felt like they could have done that for a year they could have had i mean they had so much footage and then tangents you know the tangents they could have taken and said what about that person let's follow this person you know it's it's it's never ending so you almost just have to you know just like all right you know here's the deadline you know the checkpoints we were talking about earlier and just going with it and it's my first special i mean i'm i'm excited for it and i hope it's well received but i i work really hard man look at you handsome bastard ugh look at you wearing that's awesome um now once it airs once it's on show time will it be available on an app afterwards or on itunes yeah it's going to be yeah it's going to be a wider release where people can stream it you know on on spotify or pandora or you know oh nice but the the video version of it is that going to be on yeah somewhere for streaming too yeah that's going to be that's going to be out streaming why release but we'll we'll find out um where it's going to go hopefully i'll find a home where it could be streamed and stuff but it's on show time friday night yeah friday 9 p.m eastern time 9 p.m eastern 6 p.m pacific time i did math for you you're welcome stay at home son that's awesome may 29th it really is the perfect name for the time it's almost like you predicted it crazy do you think you did do you think you willed it into existence no my my it's like something my mom would do is like she she claims to have a psychic ability i don't like it it's so delayed mom you know maybe you did maybe you maybe subconsciously somewhere in your head you're like some [ __ ] is going down stay at home stay at home i mean it's uh yeah i'm just very excited very excited that i got to do this special and put it together that's awesome i'm excited for you man i
know it's gonna be really funny like i said i i saw a bunch of the [ __ ] we worked together at the improv and the store and very funny stuff man thank you man i'm you know i'm appreciative for the opportunity to get to work with you too man it's uh you're very kind and you know seeing you work too it's like when i get to host those shows for you at the improv or the comedy store it's like it's cool to host but to sit there and see what you're doing tweaking stuff and i remember you working on the um um the jenner bit and when i saw you do that act out of the stool of getting up there it's like holy moly like you're one that constantly changes and i'm you know when you perform i'm always kind of watching what you're doing and man that look that act out was insane well i had to figure out some way to to like make someone whispering in his ear while he's sleeping but i also had to make it like it had to be dramatic like i'm whispering to a sleeping person i had to like crawl in there and i wanted to do it in a way like i'm really flexible so i can move in a weird way you know so i could move like i think a demon would be so i had to figure out how to make that funny man it took a long ass time that act that was exclusive to a joe rogan type because i mean just the the strength that would require to stand the way you were on top of the stool and i love when you did that bit at the store because danny the the sound guy would dim the lights and it'll be like a spotlight on you in this room v completely dark i'm like oh it's an even added effect but i mean but you held it the level of commitment i i loved seeing that you know it's just like at first it was like a little shorter but then i mean you would you would commit like it would be three four minutes you bro it's like oh he's doing it again i had to figure out what the tags on that were too that was weird as well but it's also like we're so lucky that we are around other people that are
pushing pushing really good material out too it's like when you're around people that are working on stuff it's very inspiring you know that environment at the stores the main reason i stayed in la for this long like there's something about that environment at the store it's so electric and everybody's watching everybody i'm watching your set you're watching bobby lee everybody's watching everybody and everybody's edwards yeah yeah yeah owen smith and everybody's getting this sense of you know the level of comedy now it's very high yeah but the story is like a petri dish of just like success like you see p like it's so conducive it's set up in such a way that it makes a comedian work hard and try to figure it out and even more so now i mean all the big guys are like killing it so it's like if you show up even if it's a 1 a.m spot it's like you better bring it man you know it's like at the store yeah writing and figuring all that when you think we're coming back if you had a guess july like full on backpack full on i'd say there'll be a level of of coming back in july i think fourth of july would be a big thing yeah so yeah people want to go out and yeah but i i think september september is is my roll of the dice september september mid mid september is is my guess we'll see what do you think later or sooner that might be right for full blown out shows with full audiences that's what i'm hoping i think it's going to be that you know reduced capacity for how long the people are going to be starving like the the the clubs are going to be hurting bad the restaurants are already hurting bad and you're going to let them open up at 25 i want to know like what kind of science is there in that there was a picture that i saw there was a comedian
out of puerto rico that that that posted it his name is chante but there was a picture of a theater right and the seating was taken out so there's two seats six feet one seat six feet two seats together six feet apart one seat and it looked like it looked like they were like building it like they were filling in the seats but they had taken out the things and i'm like that yeah that that just looks gnarly so weird i want to know if there's real science to that is that really going to stop people from getting sick i don't know i mean that's this is our our bird mask equivalent but there's no [ __ ] talk about nutrition no one's telling people to sleep more no one's telling people to stop drinking sugar right it's all just be scared it's all wash your hands stay away stay away cover your face yeah i can't wait i i can't wait to get back on stage i've been writing and just the the the routine that we develop of hey you write during the day you get stuff ready you perform it at night record the set wake up in the morning listen to it like that's been disrupted completely and it's like i i feel it i feel the you know the the energy shift and i want to get back to that as soon as possible i mean it's there's nothing more exciting than putting together a set there's nothing more well i shouldn't say that there's things that are more exciting but it's a very exciting thing it's up there it's up there they're putting together a set and and getting to work it out and just get excited about oh i got a 10 13 10 13 10 15 spot my head down sit in the back for a little bit get my bearings yeah loosen up maybe i'll do a shot i'm gonna do a shot before the show yeah you know get ready go over my notes real quick yeah there's something very exciting about yeah especially when you know you're about to do a new bit like here comes here comes
jesus and yes the hounds yeah and and knowing me i'd be so excited i go up there and like fumble it i'm like oh boy it takes a while before those bits are alive they walk out there on bambi legs yeah sometimes i i most of the time i feel like i'll somehow do a better version the first time i say and then i'm chasing the dragon yeah for a long time and it's like it's that's where recordings come in play though right mm-hmm yeah i'm i'm i i'm obsessive i'm obsessive with the with the writing and you know it's like leading up to the special i even got like a like a wework spot just so i could use like their their whiteboard and i would before each weekend i lay out the whole thing and you know i you know ian edwards was kind enough to i'm like hey can i walk you through everything and i'm doing arrows and he's like you should hold that picture it's like that that that picture you should hold because i would just lay everything there so do you have a picture of it yeah i do is it on your instagram or anything uh no i haven't posted it yet maybe i'll post it right after the uh the special oh yeah yeah do it do it and it's everything on there and i broke it up in thirds like i got a really obsessive you know because i wanted to explain you know the first 20 minutes it's like my upbringing i define the variables you have the picture why don't you airdrop it to me right now while we're thinking about it and i'll put it up on instagram too to let everybody know he sent it to you if you do i could put it up right now there you go yeah but maybe he doesn't want everybody to see his set no no no they can see it cause not everything got it and got got in there but it doesn't bother me okay you know it's it's my process so right right right i'll i'll definitely uh send it to you by the way just send to me yeah we'll remember we'll remember but i'm i'm excited i know you work really hard so i'm excited to see it because i know you're
you are always grinding jesus i see you at the store at the improv you're always putting in the work you're always trying but you're always real enthusiastic man it's just we're real just we're all real fortunate man that we get to do this we're real fortunate that we get to do it yeah around each other so many other funny people yeah no it's it it's great i'm a i'm a fan and a student of comedy you know it's like i you know from from the get-go like you know even because i didn't have full command of the language you know you know until i was like around in the fifth grade so my first exposure being you know mexican comedians like a cantinflas or you know cespirito who was a playwright you know who wrote these funny characters and india maria and that was my first exposure to comedy i feel like it was like you know from there into physical commentary you're laurel and hardy and three stooges buster keaton like to me that was like hysterical when do you when did you learn english i started learning well um i i think by fifth grade i i fully understood it but i grew up around even though i'm born here in long beach you know i didn't you know you slowly learn it that's interesting yeah i slowly learned it and i was in or around only people that spoke spanish i think there's a giant advantage to being bilingual not just in that you could speak two languages and talk to you know people from different cultures and go and travel around the world speak spanish but also because i think your brain has that you there's more nuance to your understanding of language right because you've got two different languages that you can go back and forth in your head you've got a romantic latin language and you've got you know european english you've got this weird combination of those two things you can choose left and so you get a flavor of like the la they sound different they have
different there's different ways of structuring sentences i bet you get a i bet it's like playing chess in a lot of ways like a little brain exercise yeah it's it's interesting but i think initially when you're trying to learn a language my dad used to joke and say that you know i was going to end up mute he said you can't speak english or spanish well he's like he's like this is bad and that's true i think from a learning point of view it's like you had them garbled up together yeah i i would make up words or you know my dad's like what do you that's not even spanish or english and i'm like do you like my dad wouldn't even speak english either so he's like i know i don't speak it well but i know you're saying it wrong so it was a very hard thing you know and and i tested very badly in in school because of it you know and that's a problem with a lot of kids right huge i would be put i got put into you know uh slower classes if you will you know because i tested so so awful on on paper and it's like i understand the concepts i understand what's going on i just can't communicate it and you know and obviously part of education is learning how to conceptualize something and communicate it properly but if you can't do that they just think that the mechanics of the logic your logic is impaired and it's not yeah it's my ability to communicate yeah it's it's your ability to communicate and it's also when you get behind the eight ball with something like that as a kid and you get self-conscious about it and then it's bothering you for years and years that can affect all the aspects of your life can totally affect your confidence with girls or everything with friends or with whatever and and then with boys whatever you're gonna do then something could be like you know it's like oh he's not behaving well with kids he's fighting well
it's because the lack of communication but they get angry and frustrated at the world and lash out but you know now as an adult knowing both languages it's it's quite interesting because especially performing stand-up i've been to mexico and performed stand-up and it's it's really cool because even as i was getting ready to do this special there was a show in mexico that i went to go do and i did the hour in spanish oh wow so now it's it's like how much changes a lot cadence you know cadence uh uh similes metaphors are are different you know you're saying things backwards right it's like it's the red car car red you know it's like so you're thinking different and sometimes new jokes come about but sometimes the material you lose in the translation you know wordplay yeah do you add as well though uh i definitely have some original only like like spanish observational bits that wouldn't work the other way either so that's really cool i think it's really cool it's like i i guess uh the best example i could give it's like working on your left you know you know you spent years working on this shot and you can do you know a free throw you could do the you know layaway and now you're working with the left it's it's close but it definitely requires more work more thinking yeah yeah when you teach people martial arts their left hand it's like useless it's hilarious when they first learn how to throw a left hook so if you people know how to throw their left arm correctly it's not coordinated yeah it doesn't have the muscle memory and at least for this for the language eventually one language takes over the other and it's like you know my uh uh in high school i remember uh english teacher told me this it's like you know which language is the most dominant because you dream and think in that language oh yeah i've heard that people say that about moving someplace
or being on vacation someplace for a long extended period of time you speak the language you start dreaming in that language it's kind of crazy so it's like now i i think in english and translating into spanish but you know so when i went to mexico after like a day or two it's like i'm now thinking in spanish because my crosshairs have been adjusted you know you almost have to like want to soak in the the environment you don't want to like the i feel i don't know this to be true but i feel like the the the mind wants to like mimic you know it always tries to replicate that's why when you hear somebody with an accent you're like you almost want to repeat it back to them you know kind of thing it's like or or somebody whispers and like i want to spring too he's like you know like why are you doing it and i feel like that's what that is too it's like you you you start to adjust your crosshairs but it's been fun navigating you know doing stand-up in both languages joey diaz the spanglish shows oh cool he does english and spanish together and he's he's done a bunch of those in miami dude you do not want to follow joey diaz in miami when he throws some spanglish on that crowd heck no english spanglish whatever he's a beast follow him with english but i'm telling you in miami he when they used to have him go down to the miami improv and middle he would middle for these big time headliners and joey was friends with the guy who ran the club so joey was there quite a bit you know he'd get good road work there and dude nobody wanted to work with him nobody wanted to work with him he would he would say some [ __ ] in spanish and in english and then everybody would be [ __ ] falling on the floor and then you try to go up there with your regular jokes like good luck [ __ ] what's the deal with the socks like get out of here with that you can't man not that place miami's so wild it's such a wild place it's so
different i haven't spent much time there i i definitely know that it's it's like a south american country it's wild they're wild man they're all partying no one's wearing any clothes yeah people are dancing there's music in the streets the food's great but it's just got a different vibe you know it just has a different vibe yeah more party vibe party vibe yeah yeah that's what i've been told like when i hear old people moving to miami i'm like how are you going to keep up right right that's a party town yeah burn your ass out you're going to be like these kids with their [ __ ] noise hearing music and people laughing that's where people go when they want to party if they want to if like a young kid they're not doing [ __ ] with their life like i think i'm gonna move to miami it's like oh boy gotta get my party on maybe be a dj [Music] teach his own if that's what you want to do what do you think you would have done if you weren't a comic i think i would have uh i would have done something in the art still maybe even like teach art that would have been cool like uh illustration or yeah illustration i like doodling and stuff i've always been into that and i thought i was gonna do that in college and i ended up you know getting a business degree in marketing are you left-handed uh no no i'm gonna you do a lot of [ __ ] with your left hand i'm noticing you move your i i when i was younger i could i could write with both i push myself to do with those so it's like my my left is my my dominant like no i mean my left hand is basically useless i broke my forearm once when i was like six i guess and i had to write and drawn [ __ ] with my left hand it was terrible until i got that cast off and i went right back to albrighty alrighty knows how to listen my handwriting isn't great it looks like a little kid wrote it
and then so when i would i would do that on my left because i'm like they both write the same so so what does it matter they don't know do you when you write do you write with a computer or do you write on a notebook i i write stuff in my little notebook i do it one of the things i got in the habit of doing if i can't you know get to my little notebook i just started email chain with you know premises for the week and then i'll just email myself and then you know when i do sit down and write you know on on friday i could just pull up the thing and i'm like i pull up this thread that i've been replying to myself you know birthdays and then whatever the thing i said is like why don't you store it on your notes because i like to make things difficult joe if i'm being honest i don't you know i was like there's some there's some there's some impairment in here i mean you legitimately like to make things difficult seriously i like to find a different way of doing it oh and and to see if i can land in a i don't know it's like i'm it's like if i can land it a more efficient way or just another way of doing it it seems like it's effective i mean you could it's it's easy to switch from your computer to your phone because you obviously have email on both well yeah so it's like it'll be email it could be a legal pad this is what i use for sure and then you know i put i put them up on my wall because i like to be like constantly like looking at them so i feel like in the in the morning when i look i wake up and i look at the wall i have the bits and i have a running set list on a white board in my room that i just kind of look at just look at the set list and then the stuff that i'm working at that i just write long form wow so i don't know it's probably not the most efficient way but it works for me it makes sense it doesn't matter if it's the most efficient because it's really a lot of it is about time spent thinking about the bits maybe if it's inefficient you'd be
thinking about it even more you know it doesn't matter it's like seems to me that you're doing everything you have to do which is you're writing things and organizing things and thinking about it that seems to be what it's about like the way it gets better is thinking about it and thinking about it with like intent and energy and like real focus like really trying to figure out how to make this bit better and the more time you spend doing that the better your bits are so you're doing all the right steps whether you do it through email or whether you do it through notes i'm just wondering why you don't do it through notes or something like that or evernote i use evernote too which is great because i never know it's good i use that for a while because you can put pictures and stuff like that so sometimes i would be inspired by a picture and write the thing or a link you know article yeah evernote's great um i just love uh having that ability to do something that goes straight to your computer too and it's also across platforms so if you have windows or android it doesn't matter when did you make the switch from paper to computer because ian edwards gives me a hard time you know there's computers now why you keep writing on legal pad well they say when you write on legal pads though you remember it more the yellow the yellow does something no not just maybe i'm sure maybe but what i meant was actually physically writing i don't i don't know whether or not the yellow would i think it's cool looking i like the way it looks looks like i'm serious like i'm one of the masked mathematicians they always write on like yellow legal paper yeah paper when they're they lick the paper before they write for no reason it's like no it's not a inkwell pen it's a regular weird that's weird licking pens strange that's how the kofi gets spread you [ __ ] but i think there's something about actually writing things down that enhances your memory of those things like if you make a list
if you write that list down there's something about its store is better it's more accessible i've read that and i've experienced it so a trick that i got from kevin james because we have the same manager and i was i didn't have a writer they said what do you want for like a rider so i don't give a [ __ ] water whatever yeah so they put all the stuff that he gets on my rider they just give him kevin's rider you know it's like normal stuff but also index cards he has index cards and sharpies with every every uh performance and so i started going over my notes i would go over my notes during the day you know do all my writing write stuff out but then right before the show i spent a whole hour just breaking down bits onto little index cards just bullet points just get things out just so it's drilled into my head right there and then full full confidence and i know all the beats all the the moments in order and what when to go fast and when to go slow and um and it's like just the more time you spend doing stuff like that it's just better it's just always better it's good yeah it's good because i feel like you're engaging more parts of your body in writing something you're you know you're writing the letters so subconsciously you're tapping into the memory of how do i write this letter this word you know organizing it visually you know it's you're holding a pen it's like yeah it's it really becomes ingrained in yeah in the mind and i think there's something especially i don't see myself walking away from that part of it but for the sake of remembering the premise because then there's nothing worse than it's like dang it what was that thing i don't know oh man that's why i really like using notes because on my iphone when i use the notes i just use that uh voice to text feature oh that's nice so when it's slippery and it's in my head like oh oh oh oh oh
why is it that and then i'll say it bam and it comes out perfect yeah voice to text is really amazing too because sometimes in the process of remembering and writing some of the words are lost and it's like no that wasn't the same it's really so it captures exactly what you need to do i wonder if you could pick up your name my man jesus is a bad [ __ ] oh yeah look at that jesus look at that jesus that's perfect i was wondering like sometimes the iphone is like you know like when you get an uber or something it's like drop off jesus on the left that always gets a big laugh or or when i do like uh like i'll get a direction somewhere and once i it's like uh destination on the left jesus he's like what's with the attitude siri jesus now why is it that that's such a popular name in spanish it's you know it's because it's a you know mexico my parents are from mexico and you know the predominant religion in mexico is catholicism so it's jesus much like um you know in the muslim religion and in the middle east would be yeah so it's it's our equivalent i i think i i believe it lands somewhere in there don't do you know how crazy you have to be to be a white guy to name your son jesus bro you got to be off the charts crazy if you found out his name is his name's what right this kid's named jesus the guy with the beard his [ __ ] kid's name is jesus oh my god we're moving get your [ __ ] we're moving call your sister [ __ ] yeah i guess we can't the guy can't live right next door where we sleep name's his kid jesus i don't want to be here when the atf breaks down his door finds out he's running a cult when i went to when i went to mexico they had the paperwork and then you know my my passport and stuff is jesus you know i've wrote it just as i would ev you know and um there was a thing that didn't match up and it was an accent so
if you look at it it's written with english letters you know so it's like my parents don't necessarily like didn't really know how to read or write so somebody else filled out the paperwork for me like my birth certificate so it's jesus dejo just like you would see it anywhere else right but in mexico there's an accent over it you know there's an accent over the e jesus you know almost like the enya so technically i guess is like i found that out when i went to mexico one of the comedians and also when i showed my my passport at customs are like it's jesus it's jesus trejo oh because it's not jesus right because it doesn't have that accent oh interesting right like anyone you know i was like you're not married to that no no no piece of paper no i'm i'm i'm just saying it's like ano you know the accent yeah it was like when the pope came it's like because of the because of the uh accent so it's like papa is like you know dad yeah but also it's potato and then it's like somebody had a sign on over you could say it's like welcome potato like just with the confidence of you know google translate can you imagine like putting in all that work and it's wrong spanish has those cool little things that hang out above letters yeah that's enya yeah and and that's a whole letter in itself yeah yeah that's kind of dope though you guys got extra letters do you use all the letters that english uses too all of them do we use all of them i haven't used z in a long time yeah but there's got to be some what that is some songs that are some uh some words that end in z they're spanish words right oh yeah oh i thought in english it's like do you use all right but i'm saying in spanish how many maybe i said it wrong what i meant is like are there any english letters
that because you have extra ones like nye yeah and you use a lot like nina right you know anyone for year yeah yeah so you have one more but do you have all the ones or double l like right make a y sound yeah yeah um but but spanish and english use all the other there's not like a letter that spanish tends to not use right yeah it's the english language yeah it's it's uh that's all this is five extra letters oh five extra letters and then vikings have those cool little dots and [ __ ] over there their letters like you ever watched like uh that show vikings the way they would you know you ever seen oh yeah yeah norwegian people and icelandic people they put those weird dots all over the place like do you do you know what is that when they when they're typing things in icelandic or in uh viking lang language icelandic that's to me one of the more fascinating things about uh humans today is that they have this one part of the world where they develop these enormous men these strong men guys these guys are all from iceland like a whole bunch of them are from iceland like that game of thrones guy that played the mountain uh-huh they're all these monstrously huge people and you're like well what is that what the [ __ ] is going on there well they're vikings [ __ ] this is the leftover vikings yeah like they were real there really were a bunch of giant men who marauded their way across the world we're real lucky that now all they try to do is like throw beer barrels over the top of a fence that's we're lucky we're lucky these guys just like hold on to cars and keep them from sliding down a ramp you see that when they have a handle in each hand and they just hold there we're lucky we're lucky as [ __ ] they would be out there crushing the skulls smashing this is the weird one they have they have a letter that no word starts with it's like the lower case it's after d it's in between d and e it's called f
i don't know what is it what does it say there was uh something that popped up there what was that thing that popped up oh it's probably because i was just holding however oh hover over that o with the thing the two dots over at the end i'm trying to get to but you see the one and far yeah that's the one i was talking about like what is that [ __ ] it's like a character what are you doing here i don't know they put me here it says uh oh or oh whatever it's not even saying how to say it is the thing above it oh um okay there's a character that like i know there's a guy a mathematic kirk godel doesn't doesn't don't they use that in his name it's a character that represents the letter from sever several extended latin alphabets the letter o modified with an umlaut or diuresis diuresis in many languages the o or the o modified with an um lot is used to denote the non-closed front rounded vowels oh you know what that is i don't have to explain that to you at all jesus what the [ __ ] is that the [ __ ] a non-closed front rounded vowel i give up it's too hard you viking [ __ ] go eat your pickled swords it's so fascinating are they alphabets even like the greek alphabet the alphabet again with delta that's what i mean yeah it's like and then in mathematics they tend to use that more to you know to assign to variables or you know what's that dope ae right next to it that's pretty cool what is that elon's kid's name right i think so character formed from the letters a and e whoops um originally uh ligature represe representing the latin diphthong a e it has been promoted to the full status of a letter in some languages including the danish norwegian icelandic and feroce for farrowis faraways hmm what the [ __ ] is that place it was also used in old swedish before
being changed to an a with two dots above it interesting interesting i've never seen an enema i don't know how it's properly supposed to be said that character looks like when you buy alphabet soup and there's two letters stuck together you're like oh wow i got this exactly like spaghettios on top of each other look at that one a d with a d that's been attacked by a sword with a backwards six and these are viking languages this is so it's called uh orthography it looks like a blossoming number six orthography it's dope that's fascinating well what's really interesting to me is how old it is i mean how long has that uh that particular language been around for dave early 12th century it says first document referred to as the that's wild that's wild [ __ ] they just found a horde of uh viking uh stuff um i think something was defrosting and they were see if you can find the viking artifacts wow what a crazy time that must have been never knowing when you wake up you're going to see a a boat full of [ __ ] giant men with swords just looking to pull up at the beach and start hacking people apart and raping all the women like [ __ ] is it melting ice reveals a lost viking era pass in norway's mountains wow wow artifacts show people used the route for a thousand years then abandon it possibly amid a plague another plague another plague what is that thing that dude's got in his hand was that bit for goats kids and lambs to prevent them as suckling their mother wow because the milk was processed for human consumption so a pacifier wow so they put that in their mouth to make them bite down on it oh how weird it looks like the top of a scroll so the humans were stealing the lamb's breast milk and then giving it to their family and then they'd
pour a little lamp i wonder what's going on trying to suck that tit like no no how about you just take a stick in your mouth you little [ __ ] and i'll tie it behind your head there's another one styling it's more passive how weird yeah it's a stylist right that's what it says says possible stylus yeah but what would that be the exact same i don't know did they have no outlets that galaxy notes it looks exactly like the one for this even with the little knock it it does like you could click the top of it and change have you ever used the galaxy note no dude they're dope yeah yeah i mean the real problem is um you don't have the same protection like it's it's sms for text messaging that green text yeah it's kind of it's just not the best way it's easier to if you're interested in privacy it's way easier to intercept your data and the things you're saying and it's just it's more secure the way apple does it but um what they have going for them is this [ __ ] pen where you could draw on anything you could draw on this front screen like if you want to take notes you could take notes you could put your notes on the screen of your phone like when it's off and then you can swipe like you put like a hundred pages of notes and you store those notes and you could write them all and they even take the text messages i'm pretty sure that you've written and and translated into printed font so it'll take yeah yeah it's it's pretty amazing the [ __ ] screen is enormous it's an enormous screen with this tiny little dot hole in it so like for watching youtube videos and [ __ ] it's incredible it's just apple's ecosystem is so seductive right once you start using the the blue eye messages and then the big one for me is air drop and like i said hey yeah air drop is so easy it just blew it's on there oh got it got it even video from like a laptop to your phone it's just so easy and
yeah in both ways but and with airdrop you know we could be on the top of a mountain with no cell phone service at all and you could airdrop me right because it's just bluetooth it's just wireless it's going from phone to phone it doesn't doesn't have to be connected to a network it's pretty amazing yeah and it's hard once you get into this whole like yeah once you get into the iphone of it all the apple products it's like they got you by every angle you got to get the ipad you got to get the key they're sneaky they're sneaky the headphones the the works it's good to have competition but the the way they've done it man they're they've made it so attractive that like at least 50 percent of the people i think are on iphones isn't it like that in america oh yes depending on what you want to say because i just heard something like 82 percent of all of the world devices are android um that means in the world so yeah that's just because in other places uh iphones are not as attractive because they they have more options and they have whatsapp they use whatsapp all the time so they do so much of their texting through whatsapp it doesn't even matter they don't get the green they don't give a [ __ ] and whatsapp you can send full pictures and you can do all that [ __ ] yeah videos the whole works yeah but there's something about you know the green text message bubble you know here it's like the cone of shame apparently you know but yeah you got to be willing to get away from that because here's the thing it doesn't show up like that on an android phone on android phone you have different themes you can change the colors you can change the way it looks you have way more flexibility to to change the way it looks there's a bunch of different messaging apps that you could use you could have night mode and all kinds of [ __ ] 45 of the smartphone users in the united states wow 100 million iphone users
i've never gave it a shot but it's crazy because it's one company that's what's really crazy like android phones you've got samsung you got one plus you can go down the line you got you know motorola makes some everybody makes them right palm still makes cell phones do they really yeah they stay in the game bro they made a tiny one that's like that big it's weird it's so big that you could wear like skin-tight pants and it's just like a tiny little thing that slides into your pocket it wouldn't even wouldn't look at the size of this [ __ ] it's hard to see right there but it's so small like look how big their hand is there yeah and i don't know how big that dude's hand is have you seen the new motor razor nail polish maybe guys like to paint their nails bro maybe tate tate likes to paint or used to at least but look how tiny it is look how little so there's a lot of uh people are like i'm sick of being [ __ ] completely digitally connected i just want to be able to text people what i want to so yeah so i'll just take this little ass thing with me and just give myself a little break like if i need to call somebody it's there and the way i think it is this is one of them but the other one that they had syncs up with their bigger phone so they had like a bigger phone they could like leave at home so it's almost like a more usable version of an apple watch oh wow you might not have that anymore because this is just palm.com this is all that they have on there so oh designed for life on the go they're down to that one have you seen the razor it's like the tiny thing there's like a new version that folds in half and then opens up to the thing that's pretty cool this looks like such an iphone clone though doesn't it like look at the way the camera is set up in the back you can't trick me [ __ ] scroll scroll up a little bit so i can see those photos of the yeah look at that that's a [ __ ] iphone
yeah would you oh no we put it on the other side oh even the google phone is like pretty pretty similar right no iphone's on the left we're on the right it's totally different same thing [ __ ] i think i think phones are doing the same thing that cars like car companies do that you know they kind of go with a certain chassis and they dress it up in their own way oh yeah yeah sure yeah well there's definitely a lot of that well there's you know there's companies that make the components you know like um samsung makes most of the screens for iphones so even though oh wow yeah even though iphone is a it's a different company the screens are being made by a company outside but the only thing that separates apple in that regard is that apple makes their own processors i think i think that bionic pro isn't it exclusively to apple the a12 chip yeah the bionic thing i think it is and it's supposed to be the best cell phone chip then with samsung they can choose between the snapdragon so they have this snapdragon series what is like the 865 or something like that yeah they specialize they gotta be pretty close right it's gotta be like intel verse they're super close in the day what captioning not monitors when available play quake on them at a very high refresh rate it's amazing like at a high frame rate makes the the thing so much smoother and cooler looking it's really it's it doesn't look like they say your eye can only register 30 frames per second right but i don't know if that's really true because there's more or less i think you could see more because when they ramp it up the difference between 30 and 90 is pretty prevalent and i think most most phones are at 60 hertz is that right yeah they're trying to starting to get up into 120 right now yeah so apparently there's a big benefit
samsung has that so when you scroll like if you get one of their new uh galaxy s20s and you scroll with it it's like buttery smooth apparently everybody tries it says intoxicating so like it's so fun to use just because of that refresh rate there's some so but apple's going to come up with that next too yeah yeah they're going to be toe and toe but i think the main the main thing i think why people almost gravitate toward like an iphone it's it's like the camera you know it's like when when somebody on instagram posts a picture from uh like a samsung you know it's a samsung you know it's like and this one just has a little more depth of field or i think that used to be the case oh not anymore no oh okay no the new samsung like the galaxy s20s there's a thing called the s20 ultra it's one of the most ridiculous cameras you've ever seen on a phone ever dude it's got a 108 megapixel no way 108 megapixel lens as don't get caught up in that 108 number though because it's just the number it's like a data number right it's the same thing with the zoom right like the zoom is a lot of its digital zoom right yeah it still has a lot to do with the optics and the glass that's going in there and then the sensor that it's then being going onto that can give you a better or worse picture but it used to be a big deal to have like a five megapixel camera on a phone now they're up to 108 they have these gigantic camera bumps in the back of these cameras now because they have these they have um actual zoom lenses that are mechanical zoom lenses and then they have digital zoom so they have then they're doing night vision like not night vision but night mode where they'll take a photograph of a dark room and then you can see almost all the details they do that now don't you yeah did you see that new iphones do that the infrared issue that came up like a week or two ago no brand new phone that had a which is i think it was on a phone like 10 years ago when it came up but there was like a setting you could do while
you're taking a photo it was like an infrared camera filter that allowed you to technically see through stuff wow and like they're like it wasn't supposed to do that but see through like what like so like lou from unbox therapy made a video just showing you what you could see through so you could take a picture of an apple tv like the the actual physical box and see through the the black plastic to like see the internal components and then he did it to a shirt you put underneath his shirt and you could see on earth like through a black shirt yeah because it was thin enough for it to kind of just is the way that the light light works with the infrared and what the camera then picks up wow so you could have a camera under your shirt and people would have no idea and you're walking around like like if a dude's wearing a wire and he's gonna guess you could do that camera's strapped to his black yeah you can take these pictures of people and have like girls playing without wearing naked oh my god you can see right through their clothes they took it out off the phone now oh why didn't you tell me first you could probably find it well you make a great point for the for the galaxy i'm i'm definitely up to try it because i mean with the iphones it's just a constant having to upgrade and it's like that one it seems like it would be good for longer than the iphone no the iphones actually last longer really yeah they say and they also they um they'll keep updating your iphone mo far longer like if you buy a samsung good dope phones but you get like a couple of years out of them and then they stop supporting them they stop supporting them with updates so who do you go with if you're like i go with this one or you just do both i do both both yeah i like both i think there's a real benefit to having competitors and that's one of the reasons why apple's been forced to really step up is because these android phones particularly like samsung
phones and huawei phones and all these different phones but that is funny there's they're really stepping up but there was this lady who was working for huawei who got in trouble because she was posting photos on instagram for huawei products using an iphone [Laughter] they proved that she was using an iphone to take the pictures and posting them up as huawei that's awesome yeah wait she wanted a good picture see that's what i was telling you earlier you want a good picture you got to do it and then there's google google makes their own phones now too they make the pixels they have some of the best cameras ever their cameras are incredible the google pixels cameras were like way ahead of the curve too like th there was the one of the big selling points about the early pixel phones was how spectacular their camera was camera was and how seamlessly the phone communicates with the uh the android system because it's pure android there's no developer software on it or you know carrier software it's no verizon software yeah it's just straight google and they the updates go immediately to the google phones whereas like samsung when you buy a samsung phone if google updates their operating system you have to wait a while maybe even six months for them to kind of update you to the next because they have to code it they have to get it but it gets released on the pixels first right yeah so that's the that's probably the best move for um for a straight android phone then give you're giving your all your data all of it all just here you go fork it over oh you're dead and where you going jesus what do you eat jesus what do you look at jesus everything well what should i sell you jesus right where you been where you going you know your flight is at 11 o'clock in the morning how do you know how do you know where i'm going you [ __ ] right the phone was
it's 22 minutes to home if you drive now right how do you know where my home is i didn't even put my home in the [ __ ] phone it knows where you sleep at night buy a movie ticket so you better leave now there's traffic oh yeah well how about tom papa's story about the [ __ ] apple watch his apple watch told him he shouldn't have been out while is during the lockdown he was sneaking away to uh record sessions for his audiobook his apple watch was ratting him out i don't think you're home tom no way tom you should be you should be at home now stay home stay safe really it's i didn't get to ask him that but like that could have been very coincidental because i get an apple watch update every day from this particular app it just happens like the same exact time no no no jamie it was alerting him that he was not in his home and he was supposed to be locked down it was saying it knows you're outside your home right [ __ ] what are you doing bro it was a polite way of saying hey you're not home sign me out done i'm done it's telling it's ratting me out it's angry at me it's giving me advice shouldn't you be home aren't you a [ __ ] watch the watch got a cash reward for for telling somebody i'm not looking for advice from my watch just you tell me what time it is and if i want something i'm going to go to you oh yeah don't they got the watches too it's time to stand up it's like okay yes they do that too you've been sitting for an hour bob shouldn't you stand up and move around yeah i guess i'm stretching now what do you do if you if bob's a lazy [ __ ] and he's working for you like bob you're supposed to be working on this project well my my watch says differently my watch says i need to stretch out i'll be up here for the next 10 minutes at least let me do my job to the best of my ability that includes moving bob is in hr so what happened my watch said i needed to stand up and go for a
walk i'm sitting too long to watch that's hysterical yeah how long how how long before it's like a little robot that sits on your shoulders it tells you what to do yeah jesus right a little little angel that's what's coming on the new uh ios 13.5 i updated the other day and there was a notification that said somebody was uh allows your phone to pop up to like type in your passcode faster because it'll know if you have a face mask on yeah this is first step they're saying because there's going to be some app to notify you they need a [ __ ] fingerprint reader everybody else has a fingerprint reader listen man it's real simple you put one sony has theirs in a brilliant spot they have there's where the power button is you put your finger on there and as you're pressing it you just press it press the power button and it's a fingerprint reader the iphones have it but i guess the newer ones they got rid of it right they got rid of it but the new sony has a dope new phone they have uh it's the xperia something two two one or something like that i forget what the [ __ ] it's called but they just came out with it and they're they have insane cameras yeah their camera game is just off the charts yeah because sony has a history with making the best digital cameras or some of the best digital cameras so they have that along with this screen and the screen is designed for the same aspect ratio as movies so it's like it fits perfectly with movies it's kind of odd it's like long and thin it's long it's it's shaped different like the iphone is designed to be an iphone and when you watch a movie it just fits or it doesn't fit on the screen like why are you watching a movie on your phone what are you doing right right now eat that board but with this like with the 4k with the sony one what is this jamie the eyeball thing they're
a promo video for it oh the terminator it's a dope phone yeah it's the one two i don't know why they're very a weird name very weird name because try like getting your mother to remember that give me one of them experience what the which one yeah it's the one two what does a [ __ ] one do my dad's like it's not spanish or anything what are you talking about you got a 21 phone can you say 12 one two what is all this just showing the ai technology built into it right now this stuff is starting to get interesting with these cameras and what you can do and the devices and things it recognizes instantly and what is it doing right there right there i think it was checking like it looked like it was like looking at pineapples and whatnot but there's some new apps right now like if you want to get it like for instance this computer or a new shoe you can type tap in the thing like show it to me and it'll you can now turn your camera on to this table and it will show you what it'll look like sitting on your table you can change the angles and see what this new thing you want to buy will look like in your space that would be amazing if you're an interior designer and you're trying to set up someone's house you need to be like look look what you do here yeah and then they look at the phone yeah it's like uh yeah that's crazy so they just it's is it the same technology for like like eyeglasses you know how you could try on eyeglasses without being in the store now a lot of the yeah to show you what you look like yeah so it's like you could go you're literally like this you're like well let me see the thick frame once it's like oh wow yeah you don't have to go in store and you can move around a little like a snapchat photo yeah it's like and it's it's already like i don't know it takes measurement so when you move it it's like yeah like the same technology i guess
that you would see with those when the girls do the things the puppy dog knows in the ears yeah same thing technically same [ __ ] this glass is this glasses yeah we're the future's going to be very strange jesus very strong very strange very strange does it scare you um i'm concerned yeah but i'm always concerned because i'm look and something like this pandemic sort of just highlights why i'm concerned like the world is crazy [ __ ] the world is really crazy anything can happen out there it's very strange yeah you know i mean whether it's technology or pandemics or asteroid impacts or just just death just mortality just getting old and dying yeah the world is really weird you should be concerned because it's all like there's a lot of [ __ ] going on that has nothing to do with you that can affect you in an insane way like what happened in minneapolis right right i mean if you were a person who had a building there and also your building's on fire because some [ __ ] cop was a piece of [ __ ] what you know what do you do now no your your your whole life got changed overnight by something that had nothing to do with you that's that's the risk we run by being a human in society it's a risk we run i mean and we also benefit from it but that's also part of the thing it's like things are happening like no one saw this pandemic coming in [ __ ] october of last year no one thought that that this time last next year we'd all be sick of being locked down for over two months and everybody be sick of all this [ __ ] and wanting to get back to work and has comics it'd be the first time in our careers we what is the longest time before this that you didn't do stand-up uh a while yeah i i i i took a longer break you know because i had you know take care of my folks or
whatever oh you did yeah so you've done this already yeah and it doesn't feel good you know it's like and you're still holding on for dear life much like what we're doing now we're writing we're like oh this is cool i'm now there's online shows i've tried those but they could never replace what stand-up is no i mean i guess it's practice i guess it's practice but still it's like we we already got a taste of what it's like over there you know and we're like this is cool but it's it's splenda that's the real sugar over there you know it's it's a substitute that can never replace the real thing do you think you'd be more appreciative when you get back to be able to do regular shows yeah i think so too and i think it sheds a certain level of of uh hey what's up you know it's just like hey let's get to the real stuff because this is this is valuable time you know yeah the only commodity in life that's that's worth anything is time so now it's like hey make it count i feel like i've always had a certain level of urgency and and stand up because i love it and you know trying to you know make a buck i guess to you know provide for my family but even now with the pandemic and to see how scarce and how fragile life is it's like this is what i want to do yeah you know and it provides it's provided many of the great opportunities of my life to be able to take care of my folks so that's like it's it's just yeah i i i'm gonna go back and yeah i can't wait to go back it's like i i miss it i wanna of course i wanna do a good job yeah um it's also exciting for you too because it's this is a big break right after a set that you put out on showtime so you get a chance to really think about what you want to start talking about next it's like a rebirth like a rebuilding you know yeah those are the dangerous times but exciting yeah and it's you know that especially reflective of where i was
leading up to it and you know moving forward i want to show growth i mean i don't want to be the same person and stagnate a different style you know you know talk about more real stuff or you know whatever it is i just don't want it to be the same where it's predictable yeah i i don't want to do that i want to keep people guessing it's such an exciting [ __ ] occupation such an exciting art form it's so crazy everything i could ever hope for i've you know there's a direct line to it out of stand-up you know and working the store you know working the parking lot and parking cars and you know going through the system they're at the store i mean it it like stand up has given me a lot i mean it's it's it's my therapy it's everything it's like i feel like it sounds cheesy but it's like the reason i'm alive is because of stand-up you know it's provided for me it's given me an outlet to talk about when things aren't going well i mean what other job could i do that and actually enjoy it and have a fun time with other people having a good time like part of the fun of stand up is watching other people laugh at your stuff so you're like literally making them feel better you're you're affecting them and there's part of that that's like when you leave and everybody had a good time they enjoy the show it feels good like all right you guys feel good all right and there's an adrenaline where it's like you can't go to go home and go to bed no way you're up until 2 30 in the morning that's why it was generally uh i haven't written anything in the entire pandemic i haven't really [ __ ] no i was going through all that spotify stuff so it was like that was a little weird and then um the pandemic hits and i said i think i because i'm not going to be able to stand up i'm going to just chill i'm going to take care of my health work out a lot eat real good make sure that i you know dot my eyes and cross my t's but also
really let this settle in if i'm going to talk about this in joke form i want to know what i really think about it and my thinking of it changed i was real scared about in the beginning and then i'm not really at all anymore i'm more concerned with people's health and people i think the better message is not to be scared of a disease that kills such a small percentage of the population i think a better concern is to look at that small percentage of the population no matter how tragic it is look at that number and say how do we decrease that number far further can we do it with exercise and diet nutrition and the answer is yes but you don't hear that promoted you don't hear anything from our politicians about how to get that number lower other than stay away from each other wear a mask wash your hands stay home stay safe there's no talk of making the population healthier overall someone should be the governor should go on television or do a youtube video or whatever with someone who's like a bona fide nutrition expert that maybe some rhonda patrick type character who could sit down with them on tv and go these are the strategies right that we want to employ as a society to protect ourselves from any kind of disease and we're going to strengthen our immune system and here's the stats that we found through improving your health and increasing your immune system and just increasing your cardiovascular activity and making a better diet for yourself we're going to drop our mortalities right by 50 across the board so 50 of the people that would die if they kept doing what they're doing right now won't die if someone had some kind of stats like that i just made that number up but it's probably accurate and then got on tv with the government then that's real leadership then you're really showing people something that can help them not just saying stay away stay we'll tell you when you
can get back your freedom but right now you can't tell people what to do to make them healthier if they're going to listen to you about staying home you don't think they're going to listen to you about drinking water and stop drinking soda and eating sugar and eating [ __ ] you don't think they'd listen to you about that right but they'll listen to they'll give up their [ __ ] job for you and stay home and let their business go under right it's interesting and i think it's telling of like the western versus eastern way of looking at medicine and health you know it's like eastern medicine it's a very preventative approach to things and here it's more let's attack the problem but now there's a dependency of medications or you know it's definitely i think this should be both man i really do i think yeah yeah for sure you should be preventative but for sure you want the best surgeons the best virologists the best people that are making antibiotics you want you want people that know how to save lives but you also want to know how to prevent your body from ever getting into a vulnerable position with things that aren't vulnerable for a lot of people like it's not trying to shame people like health shame them but we know for a fact that some people catch this virus and it doesn't do anything to them and then other people get devastated by it how much of that's genetic how much of that is things that they can control many variables there's a lot of variables but we we have some answers and they should be talking about that yeah and it's yeah it's like too too much of either one extreme is not good is like trying to find the equilibrium point of you know eastern and western like you said good surgeons but also like how do we prevent it or are we eating what we're supposed to like you said water exercise and there's so
many things but i don't know it's it's a challenge you know it is but it's also why um people don't they don't get good programming from the people around them you know you when when you say someone's being programmed it's not always bad like sometimes someone can program you but just by virtue of living with them to develop more discipline because you see it by example and it makes you want to raise the bar it makes you want to do good yourself sure and a lot of kids are getting programmed the opposite way they're getting programmed by slothful lazy parents and their families full of [ __ ] they're liars and thieves and you're getting processed by that you're eating terrible everybody eats terrible you're drinking beer every night everybody drinks beer every night and you're just in a [ __ ] real bad pattern you don't know anybody that you can model on like one of the things that we're lucky about with stand-ups is we get to see these other successful stand-ups come in and work out material you get to kind of i see what the landscape's like i kind of get a map of the territory right there's a lot of people out there that don't have a map of the territory around them of a successful healthy life they don't know what to do so they've been doing it their shitty way forever because everybody around them does it that way well they're conditioned i i think that's you know the root of a lot of problems you know it's like you know me me growing up in in east long beach you know as a kid in in the early 90s it's like it was conditioning it's like how does how does one follow a path of staying you know educating themselves whether it's going to college or not not saying that that's the correct way but it's like if you're never exposed to anything else and only a certain lifestyle it's like you become conditioned and you know this is the end-all be-all it's like no you have to open your eyes but you hope
that the person has enough you know intelligence to like you know what's what's over there you know it's like ask questions you know but yeah you got to condition somebody conditioning somebody could be bad but also conditioning somebody to ask questions well even if someone's not conditioning you just by providing an example of what's possible providing inspiration you can model after that person you can get a lot of [ __ ] done that you wouldn't ordinarily get done that's one of the beautiful things about the internet that you can have these conversations with variants like kevin hart like the other day like people listen to kevin hart talking you just want to run through a building you listen to him talking like i'm going to get [ __ ] done like he's he's so motivational he's like he's so he's so first of all he's so successful and not just successful in one realm he's so successful in so many different realms and he's always hustling always moving always but there was a point where he wasn't successful but he still put stuff in motion and eventually he became successful and it's you know again when like when you say the word programming i i listen to that and it's like hey we also have the opportunity to program ourselves yes what are you reading yes are you are you spending time you know watching unboxing videos instead of you know some documentary or some reading even an audiobook i mean my goodness now we could have any book here yeah so it's like it's also personal choice and sometimes it's like hey man you can only help somebody that wants to be helped essentially you know it's like and if you want to be helped there's resources there's books i mean the uh uh the la county um uh libraries there's a plethora of resources you can get a ged if you don't have one you can do it online you can learn a language you can get access to magazines that
someone might not afford it you know it's like the stuff is there if you want it you'll get it yeah it's true somebody just got to kind of show you how to do it and show you can be done or you see someone who is doing it you know there's always like every neighborhood has this one guy who's kind of got his [ __ ] together gets up early and goes jogging it's always reading books you know like remember that growing up there was always like a guy who was disciplined you know when i first kind of like tapped into that was in high school i went to wilson high school and there was a program that came in it's called cameo and it was a you know retired women from the city of long beach that would come in and kind of mentor students and you would get an internship job you know at the end of that and i went through the i went through the program it was like 10th grade 11th grade and senior year they would do that and i remember my first internship now they were exposing me to a world that i had no idea i didn't know how to tie a tie i don't know you weren't supposed to wear white socks when you wear like a suit you know it's like i didn't know none of that like i don't know where the placement of forks were because that wasn't something i needed to know what i knew how to do was how to work with my dad i know how to fix a lawnmower i know how to uh i i knew how to fix a weed whacker you know take it apart and it was a two-stroke motor like i knew all of that but not putting white socks on when i wore a suit i i wore the white socks and you know it's like i'm learning how to do a tie tie but they exposed me to this other realm of of being a professional and reading it's like i remember they they gave me the book of um the seven habits of highly effective people yeah that's a starting point it's a great starting point it's a great starting
point but if if all i'm getting is is my buddy saying hey you know read this book or you know and it's just some leisure book that does me no good sometimes they say that one thing that leisure books do is it familiarizes you with the way people behave and talk uh when not around you and the way people think that people behave and talk when not around like it gives you a sense of things that are happening that you you're not exposed to they don't have your presence doesn't affect them so you get to there's something about there's an observing effect that actually enhances your understanding of people by reading fiction this is i'm probably butchering this idea but i think that's the thought behind it is that there is something to fiction that kind of benefits you in a way um that regular non-fiction doesn't necessarily do it's it's another layer of something and another layer of experiences another layer of information how do you exercise creativity if you're not reading something that's so outlandish that you know wouldn't be real you know under you know gravity laws that govern this world you know it's like cartoons scary [ __ ] like stephen king stuff yeah it changes your ideas of you know how you look at the world it changes you know it changes your ideas of creativity right right yeah it's a way of exercising it expanding it and you know find find parameters that you know you didn't know existed and beyond that i mean it's like the universe creativity's like the universe it's never ending ever expanding so when you come up with a joke don't you ever do you ever get that feeling like where where is this coming from what where's this idea coming from all of a sudden you have this idea and you start laughing at yourself like ah like where did that come from what is this this thing that gets boiled down into comedy
what is that thing like where does a mind go to access or tap into these premises of you know exploring it and finding i don't know it's like you know it i i think the mind has a we we as humans i feel like we have a very specific way of recognizing patterns we're people of patterns you know we like to recognize it and it's almost oddly satisfying we see something like oh okay wait a minute i'm on to something because we like the feeling the endorphins we get when we figure something out yeah so i think you know where do we come up with this joke i i think it's a series of neurons firing and recognizing a certain pattern that's that seems correct you know it's almost like rhyming something it's like oh you know um jump up it's like oh okay okay i see what is going on you're creating something you know i mean but in comedy there's certain things that need to fire off and a certain sweet sequence that feels fulfilling i don't know i know what you're saying yeah yeah and there's something fulfilling about watching someone do it too when someone nails a sequence of words and and puts it together with a fat punch line boom [Music] oh it's so exciting it's like watching someone dance this is watch someone pull off a pirouette and land on their feet perfect watching a backhand spring and a tuck just perfectly nailed yeah something about it man there's something about a a person creating something whether whatever it is man whether it's a book or a song or a joke it feels good yeah cr and and i think that it does like creativity in itself it's like such a wonderful thing because it keeps like depression and anxiety at bay because it's like there's something satisfying it's like we're hooked to completing a task we're hooked to you know you know seeing a premise thought out to completion or you know yeah
there's all sorts of different kinds of depression but for some people there is a definitely depression of being stagnant which is one of the things that scares me the most about this uh pandemic is mental health people's mental health being locked down for all these months and especially you know i had adam on the other day adam eager bro he ain't going anywhere he's not around anybody he doesn't have a girlfriend so he's just like stuck in his apartment by himself it's getting weird water water rots when it doesn't move you know so you got to give it movement so we're all especially as comics we're all so social we you know we're so like we have such a community there like everybody's so huggy and real friendly there even the ones that say that they're anti-social it's like there's still a level of socialness that you need as part of your concoction that you call life yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i don't buy those people i just think they get easily annoyed i don't buy that they're really empty so you have no patience yeah because if you were in solitary man you'd be begging for people no one's really a loner there's a reason that solitary confinement is a punishment for people yes you know ted kaczynski was a real loner but he was a [ __ ] psychopath like you don't want to be that like the idea of just being fine forever by yourself that just means your time with people is so bad loneliness feels better than being around people the loneliness the thing that drives us crazy for them it's a relief of the pain that's stronger than loneliness that they feel when they're around people they're so right there's a pain that they don't want to project there's like a psychological thing that they don't want to project the loneliness that they have onto somebody but you know the mind is so clogged up that you know they can't see through that yeah it's difficult yeah it's such a crazy
but the comedy store is not i mean it's like it's so overwhelmingly friendly it's great you know it's it it's really cool and very welcoming i mean you know the the saying that it takes that it takes a village to to raise a kid i thought it was an idiot does it take a village to raise an idiot is that what it is or every idiot or a funny idiot and in this case it takes a whole comedy story to raise a funny idiot yeah no you're right it is a village to raise a kid that is the expression but there's an idiot village idiot expressions well whatever sorry it's a marijuana talking um yeah you're right it takes a village to raise a kid and the comedy store is like a village that raises all of us yeah yeah it's and it's you know i i look at my short you know time in comedy you know these 13 years and it's been it's been it's been the the people that i've i've met the people that have given me opportunity you know and you know all these things that happen along the way to get to an hour especially this is a dream come true but it's like it this is not a lone wolf sport nobody gets here just no i did it's like hey man people took chances on you gave you opportunities stuck your neck out for you maybe gave you an opportunity when you weren't ready and i got a lot of those you know along the way and people taking you under un under their wing it's like it's a culmination of that yeah and i think it's uh it's something that we all enjoy we all enjoy uh watching others come up we all enjoy working together the comics that are all like very friendly and get along together so well one of the things that i think we all share is that this sense of camaraderie it's a everyone's happy when people are doing well everyone's happy when someone puts out a new special yeah yeah it's it's yeah it's fun to watch and it's also fun to watch you know comics give unconditionally like like like you said happy to
see somebody you know do well you've given opportunity to so many you're you're essentially the new johnny carson this is bro spotify come on like johnny carson didn't get a spotify deal like that there was no spotify he would have definitely got well that's my point now i'm playing but you know what i mean it's like you've created a platform where you co-sign people and and you know it's you you do it unconditionally i think that's very awesome to see you know well it's a beautiful benefit of this if there's people that you like that are nice people you can blow them up you know you can help them give them a little push let everybody else know why you like them you know like look this guy's cool as [ __ ] and you're paying it forward i'm sure people did that for you coming up you know coming up in boston to you know coming out here in l.a and definitely got some good advice for from a lot of headliners and [ __ ] and all that stuff helps and one of them uh lenny clark i'm still friends with this day he i opened for him like the second time i ever got paid he gave me a bunch of great advice and that was after lenny was on hbo and for me i was like i can't believe it was like it was hard to imagine like the the the just the goal back then was just to be a professional just to somehow another figure out a way to make money from comedy where i didn't need a day job that was like the ultimate goal you know what do you did you put any money away before the pandemic yeah i i always got into a groove of like trying to save a little bit it's not much but it's like you know i learned that from my parents you know my mom she comes from a very big family and my mom would say that you know because they couldn't afford a lot of food and they had so many kids that every time they bought rice or beans or whatever it was uh my grandmother would take a handful and just put it away he's like we're able to make this it's like we never had
it and before you knew it it's like if some if you know my grandfather did a job for somebody of you know growing crop and they weren't able to pan right away it's like there was still something to get us by so it's always like even when tough start when times are tough that that little fistful of grain will will do you well in the future i bet there'll be a lot more of that from everybody now in terms of like don't live outside of your means yeah man keep it keep it more conservative be more careful with what you spend your money on because you know all that stuff could come [ __ ] i mean it's way better to have a storage of money and food where you could last a few months yeah and that's what people are finding out now and again yeah it's like i i found that out the the the saving part because it's like you know i got two parents i provide for my folks so it's like i it's not me it's not a very much just worrying about me i gotta worry about you know my kids essentially yeah no well that's beautiful that you do that too man and it gives you an extra sense of purpose you know you can't be lazy and you have other people to count on you no no my dad looking at me like what are you doing he's sleeping it's eight o'clock it's 8 a.m you're still sleeping it's like no i'm up early you know i was like i go to bed late and i'm up early i run on very little sleep so yeah that's beautiful it's when you have that sense and you can't be don't you think that's like the number one thing that [ __ ] comics over is being lazy one of them it's it's definitely an element of it it stems there and it grows into something else and you know we're all guilty of it there's moments of you know you know you almost have to allow yourself to be lazy at times just to know what it's like you know well there's a real argument for creativity being stirred on by boredom it's like we never allow ourselves to be
bored because we're always like checking our phone and that stuff's good i always like trick myself and well i'm just going to go look through my google news feed and i'll probably find something really incredible to talk about but most of the time i'm just staring at [ __ ] most of the time right you know um but when you put that [ __ ] away and you're just bored that's when you start thinking about [ __ ] when you're just bored yeah sometimes like when you're doing other things like when you're commuting i used to come up with some of my best jokes in my early stand up years not listening to the radio i used to drive around and when i was driving around with no radio no nothing just driving i would have some of my best ideas because if i'm listening to [ __ ] paradise by the dashboard light ain't no doubt about it we were doubly blessed i'm thinking about that i'm not thinking about jokes my my mind is occupied with the song my mind is occupied with the podcast i'm listening to or whatever but when you're just driving just doing something like sometimes little magical ideas are popping your head yeah yeah even sitting under a tree and the wind's blowing and you're just looking at the at the leaves and like now cops have come over what the [ __ ] you doing man staring at little girls yeah what are you doing oh man i'm just thinking about like what do you think of this premise behind your back it's like dang it yeah if you were just sitting there watching people play in the field somebody probably come over and you're all right man i help you with something yeah just just watching just watching people yeah even running like running for a while was a big thing for me where i could just clear my mind and i'd have the worst pace ever of running you know but just doing something yeah because the ma the body was moving so the blood's rushing you know it's circulating it's almost like a you
know like a neon light you know sometimes when a neon light doesn't work you have to move it around so the thing can move and circulate yeah that's when i would think of stuff a lot of comics or a lot of writers i'm sorry um would write and then go for a walk and then listen to their notes while they were walking yeah listen to a set too because it's easier to tag somebody than to think in the moment so you're tagging yourself yeah i found that to help me so much so much dude so much there's no pressure in me just sitting at a coffee shop you know staring at my iced coffee seeing the ice cubes melt and listening to myself i'm like oh oh you should have said this you know you write that yeah do you so that we work place like what is that like is that like a bunch of cubicles uh there's like a common area you know and then they have like you you could pay like a bunch of money for like the little cubicles that you like open and close and you know you leave your stuff there but if you just pay for like the common area it's like it's basically a starbucks where you're not required to buy coffee and there's a lot of outlets i'm not going to fight some guy for an outlet right you know he's charging his phone all day he's like hey man i got what i'm plugging my laptop is like no you know that's happened yeah that definitely happens starbucks gets minimized they don't have a lot and you can't uh charge your laptop on those wireless ports either no you cannot let's think i've tried i waited a long time but uh yeah so you go there and they have these meeting rooms so it's like your pass allows you to get these meeting rooms like how much does it cost to use one of those places um like 200 bucks for how long what do you mean like uh like a month oh okay yeah oh that's not bad yeah some of them go up to like 300 but it's like the whole
month and i thought like 200 bucks for a day like that's crazy no no no it seems like a lot of yeah like two something but it's like you know you get coffee there they have coffee they have free coffee or beer some of them beer you're getting drunk oh man we work i don't know it it's a good place for me to go work and i'm not you know i'm not being stared at by the barista who's like hey you're gonna buy coffee or not right i know that's the coffee cup you bought last week i'm like dang it some people really do enjoy working around groups of people too they feel like they get charged up do you do that yes and and that's why i will like i don't ever see myself living in the countryside i need to be around people i i get energized for me it's like you know looking at people walk by just people watching it's it's it's meditative you know just watch new york if i could i could i would pick up and go there and live i just love the busyness even now with the covid it's probably cheaper the way i look at it dude i like how you think i like how you think i'll take one of those bird masks with me yeah all right well jesus uh tomorrow night the day this comes out it'd actually be tonight 6 p.m pacific 9 p.m eastern uh stay home sun is always called stay at home stay at home son stay at home son on show time thank you my brother thank you so much this means a lot thank you so much thank you man my pleasure hand sanitizer love you buddy bye thank you