Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuOkgCkob6E
hello freak [ __ ] if you care about what you do that's just part of the program absolutely and that's a there's a healthy part to that and then like moving on from it is it's easier now than it used to be it would just like it would live in me for a while like oh dude you forgot the words to that song and then it becomes a mental block like you get up there and you go oh [ __ ] like a you know like a kicker or something you know a guy going to kick and field goal is like oh I missed that one I can't believe I did then the next one oh my God now it's a thing you know oh so getting over those when Fighters lose a fight and then they come back and then you can see the the discomfort you can see the confusion and the fear and that's a that's one of the hard I think psychological issues are some of the hardest issues that people ever overcome and it's just literally like a pattern of thought in your mind if you just decide that you're not as good as you used to be you can manifest that even though like physic you can do all the same things that is so crazy the power of thought the power of my mind is it's pretty dangerous at times uh and being creative uh I make up all kinds of crap you know like oh Larsa is doing that just to [ __ ] with me I know it and then you talk with them later it's like what are you talking about he has no idea what you're saying what yeah that's that's pretty it's it's it's a curse and a gift that creativity you know how hard was it for you to get sober uh fear was a big motivator in that for me you know losing my family was that was that was the thing that scared me so much that was the bottom my hit that my family's going to go away because of my behaviors that I brought home from the road I got kicked out of the house by my wife I was living on my own somewhere and I you know I did not want that and maybe as part of my upbringing you know um my family kind of disintegrated when I was a kid you know father left mother passed away had to Liv with my brother and then kind of just all like the family you know where' my stuff go where where it just kind of floated away and I do not want that happening you know no matter what's going on we're going to talk this stuff out and make it work you know and my wife's of the same uh same idea same thought that you know her her
family she was the invisible kid too you know so we relate a lot so there's no way we're going to let you know any argument get in the way or just you know we're survivors we're survivors and we're going to we're going to talk through it no matter how much and you know she she did the right thing she kicked my ass right the hell out of the house you know and um that scared the [ __ ] out of me so and she said hey you're not just going to the therapist now you're just not talking about this you got to go somewhere and sort this [ __ ] out so that's what I did so rehab did rehab really worked for me how long did you have to go for uh well what worked for me was uh 7 weeks someplace like basically tearing you down to Bones ripping your life apart anything you thought about yourself or what it was anything you thought you had your family your career your anything gone strip you down to just okay you're born here's how you were when you were born you were okay you're a good good person let's get back to that again and then they slowly rebuild you and then I went to uh uh another they call them Aftercare places I went there uh to a couple different ones and they fine-tune stuff and get you integrated back into life cuz when you're in this cocoon and you're you're freaking raw I mean I was raw me when I came out and you can see it in that some kind of monster movie I was pretty raw still I didn't know what I could or what I should or shouldn't do you know um so the the last place we went to was a place that helps relationships so they got me and my wife together and we'd see people separately and then come together and talk about what we did and communication freaking saved my life saved uh our family um and working through that stuff so very grateful for my wife she's the one that didn't ask for this [ __ ] she walked through fire with me and we walked out together stronger way stronger than we ever would have been before and you know my kids know my story my kids know my struggles and they respect that they respect me in a different way I don't have to tell them what to do all the time or just be like I'm this it I can say sorry I can tell them hey here's what happened when
I did that and you know I don't need to preach to them they got their own stuff but now they now they goof with me I ruined my trust with my family and now by some miracle they are goofing with me it's like Dad shut up what are you I'm like come on you know you're overblowing this you're way out of dad you're taking up way too much space here okay so they help me and and I realize that there is help in a loving way how long have you been sober now uh 15 15 years did it start out when you when you first started doing it did it feel like as you broke through and you you you know you went to therapy and you got out of rehab and you you're going through this whole thing was there a like a shaky leg period where you're like man I mean do I Know Who I Am anymore oh absolutely that was it that was that is you know the power of the mind and how how you know here's how my life works and to actually just completely throw that away and start over it's like well wait a minute who am I without this I'm a I can't talk to people I'm I I'm anxious I'm shy I'm all of the stuff that I thought booze was helping me with or you know you know booze drugs women uh shopping uh eating gambling you know the so many things that can manifest out there that it's it all goes back to One Core thing it's like I don't I don't really know who I am so it took years and years and years to figure out okay I like that that's part of me and this is part of me the anger the the the you know the the quirkiness the Dork part of me all these little things that make me I got to hug them I got to accept them you know and quit running from them and pretending like I am some immovable object on stage that's tough and you know nothing can do you know nothing can hurt me but uh inside yeah it's kind of a a cliche saying that you know the harder that external Shield the softer the inside and the more vulnerable and and balancing that you know almost like you're concentrating so much on the hard outside that you ignore the inside totally totally and then forget what I really want and then you lose yourself in that other that other person and yeah being in a band certainly uh accelerated that you know there's there was drink and drug and all kinds of stuff just thrown at you all
the time and it's starts off as a fun little thing and then it turns into es an escape and then all of a sudden you don't really you don't remember why you're out there doing stuff I went on tour just so I could go to the strip club you know hey we're going to this place you know and or we're going to drink here and you know knew all that stuff but the actual playing on stage it kind of got forgotten about a little bit you know it was we get caught up in the Rockstar stuff and there's a there's a song on this album called moth into flame that directly talks about the how Fame can be this crazy drug and it can completely take you over if you let it you know you're searching for that thing that's going to save you and it's it's you it's in you it's already there you just gotta uh you just got to find it and and accept it [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]