Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSvoXg5tjR8
the Jo Rogan Experience and I've known you forever I knew you back when you were having a real hard time with standup which to me is fascinating because you're the only guy that I've ever met that was having like a really hard time with standup and then out of nowhere like you hit a switch you went from having a hard time with stand up to being a [ __ ] murderer we would it was almost like you like you [ __ ] pass through a doorway or something like within 2 years of you working at the store you just figured it out you just figured it out one night and we were up on stage and we were we were in the back rther and you were up on stage we were watching you like damn Joey Diaz just turned a [ __ ] corner you just figured out how to be funny you figured out who you were up there it's really weird when you uh you get into anything there's always that Jesus I'm not improving yeah I'm coming here I'm showing up and this is just isn't working and then one day out of the [ __ ] blue papow it just starts working and it's really weird with stand up you don't want to go to sleep you want to go home and keep riding yeah and writing and and you're I became infatuated from 95 to like 98 but I had so many other things going on you know what I'm saying I had so many [ __ ] things going on that I couldn't really focus focus and then I moved to LA and I had all these distractions you have all these stupid distractions when you first moved to LA and you're a comic agencies this that this that and then one day you just something hits you and it goes these [ __ ] don't matter nothing really matters I got to go up there and speak what's in my heart and you just start going and little by little once you find your voice you become a Savage that's it it's like a it's like a shark tasting blood it's like anything else where you get that taste and you just go after it and you know the comedy storees the [ __ ] Comedy Store man once you get in The Comedy Store to me that's like you know John That's The Comedy Store that's it's it's John Jack Machado it's those up a high level that that's it it's a high level place especially in the 2000s when we were down there there was there was uh some in intense comedy was going on for your and Ari coming up there and you
coming up there it was a really intense time and you you go on stage and you get this weird confidence and it's this [ __ ] thing you just get stronger and stronger then the more people you go up in front of cuz then in the beginning they make you go up in front of people you you know going up in front of Mitsy sha is nerve-wracking and going on after they put you on after a lot of guys that were really fun yeah and you going up in front of Mitsy Shore you have no idea what that does to you at the sixe Mark going up I cannot describe it I've thought about it and I've written about that experience thousands of times and nothing was more like I blacked out I had a blackout to go in front of myy shore because I knew it was was it for a guy like me if MIT sh turned me down you know what I was going to go back to Balden probably stab one of those [ __ ] with with Al come out I would just been getting out now I would have been institutionalized there's no turning back from that it would have crushed my ego her her taking me gave me another fiveyear reprieve in my life I knew I got something to do for five more years before I go to jail for killing somebody like that's how I felt did you really feel like you were going to do that cuz when I met you I never got that from you yeah I was that's what part of the part of the the the the jump in my comedy was the day I wrote her the letter and I said you can't scam me no more you want to take the kid take the [ __ ] kid what am I going to [ __ ] do wrote your wife is talking I called her up one day and told her I know who you're talking about yeah I told her that I didn't you know that at the end of the day and I was being as you know some people really can't handle the truth and sometimes you have to tell them and I had to talk to her and then talk to her again in 99 when I took that change it was around 2000 you met me in 7 it took me about 3 years but one day in '99 before I went to bed I was clean for a couple days maybe 3 days and I went to bed early and I had my witch to me and I said I'm not going to [ __ ] with this no more it was one of these things that I was going into the lion's mouth I I had to walk on a fine line with her because I wanted to be a a part of that kid's life but it wasn't looking that
way and I was going to take her [ __ ] no more one morning I got up nice and early I went have got a calling card and I called that [ __ ] and I just laid out to her and I told her the opening line was I never forget this that listen between you and I and she knew me I said you know if you were on fire I would not piss on you the only contact I'm having with you is because of this child right so I'll pay for a separate phone in her room and I don't have to talk to you no more right cuz she wanted what was killing me at that time was she wanted to take and change the child's name right and my position was when my father died my mom remarried My Poor Dad that died I had to keep his [ __ ] name that was just something in my heart so I always felt that that's let her become 18 let her decide what the [ __ ] she wants to do that was eaten away I mean one day had no value a name didn't have a value to me and this whole situation didn't have a value to me once I analyzed it and said [ __ ] this [ __ ] and what she stands for I turn that corner because I drop luggage off there's nothing sometimes in comedy sometimes in life you're just carrying around some luggage man that doesn't let you move yeah the box is 5 ft but the door is only three sorry [ __ ] and you got to drop that [ __ ] and until you drop that [ __ ] box you ain't going to go through that door too many people get locked into those relationships uh whether friendships friendships former ex you know ex-wife and husband whatever you want to call that relationship exes but they're like too deer with their [ __ ] horns locked together and they can't separate and they [ __ ] every day is a push pull they [ __ ] with each other on purpose you know I've I've known people that went through horrible divorces where you know you could tell that like they would they would like be setting up each other like you know [ __ ] him make him pay more you know uh let's let's agree to one thing and then change the terms just keep keep the bills coming in and like I've I've heard people talk like that it's it's a horror show SC and this is this was the bad end of it Joe that this is the already I had the job in bold that I paid the most for an uneducated schmuck like me I was working for a sports advisor and know you can
make anywhere from 20 to 60,000 of football seasons 6 months you can make some cash that's insane there was some guys that make 100 Grand there was some I had a month in December I made 25 Grand working the [ __ ] phones you just got to get some fish to bet and send you money believe that you're his you're going to take him through the [ __ ] bowl season listen bro you want to make 50 it's going to cost you 20 go to Western Union send me 20,000 and we'll talk about sending you so they're basically buying your knowledge buying your knowledge but you're buying your [ __ ] it's bad karma also but this is what I was doing so I knew this I knew this all right I come to La Mitsy Shaw Don't Pass Me Maybe The Improv passes me but my dream was Mitsy Shaw who the [ __ ] are you kidding my whole thing was the store from day one people told me to go to the [ __ ] store that's your house that was my fate if she turned me down I would have probably gone back to Colorado probably gone to work over there you know you would you done sets in Seattle you were doing I couldn't go back to go to seatt I would have gone back to Colorado and tried to be a dad and one day dog I know me one [ __ ] day the car breaks down they're snowing out you get one of those bills overdue Bill and that's it you bump into this [ __ ] moo and he gives you that attitude with his flipflop song I was going to run over this [ __ ] and I was going to do 50 [ __ ] years yeah so you know what as much as I The Comedy Store has that much power in my life that her your life it came along at the right time it came along at the right time do you think the people create that I mean that's like the big uh the big hippie new age uh argument about life is that you create these possibilities and life that you you're responsible for all these different events that are happening to you they're not random events these are in events that are sort of created by your own intentions yes do you feel that sometimes absolutely one thing I learned was that until you take responsibility you ain't going to move forward there's [ __ ] that get off the stage bro the audience sucks the sound yeah I watched the guy eat [ __ ] [ __ ] in that was hysterical I [ __ ] bombed yeah and that's it and everything else
and until you come through that you can't really and that was big for me that I believe that you Hey listen I go to bed now I go home I put my feet up I watch the news and I go to bed like nothing you know 20 years ago I didn't go to bed like nothing I had to shut my window a certain way and closed my door a certain way and I couldn't leave the light on at night because I owed money to a drug deal I robbed somebody I created all those scenarios I didn't I didn't make that kidnapping up I went there with a gun I knew that was do but it's funny that how quick the turnaround was between like 99 you know like it's it all just sort of stopped it all stopped luggage and it kept stopping you know it kept stopping you so what you're telling me is that I never did blow again after 2006 that's what you're trying to tell me who me that's what you're trying to tell me that I why would say that no I'm just saying I'm just saying you I'm that's the weirdest way to phrase that sentence ever telling me I haven't done B and one day so one day so one day I went aru with a so one day I went home and just stopped doing blow that's what you're trying to tell me never did it again never went I'm saying I'm saying about being a criminal no no no no no no I'm busting your balls I can't believe what I'm [ __ ] telling you that night 2006 one day I went home Brian one day I went home and just stopped doing cocaine no rehab no hug I didn't call nobody I didn't pierce my ear I didn't give my life to H there was no over gain there was none of that [ __ ] okay whatever the [ __ ] that [ __ ] is was nothing whatever the [ __ ] Uber game whatever the [ __ ] [ __ ] is so my point is that what happened was I dropped I kept dropping the pain that I had and that luggage that I had I forced it out I just didn't [ __ ] stop doing drugs I overcame whatever was making me do those [ __ ] drugs Society wasn't making me do drugs Obamacare how funny is it they found heroin in the Bronx with Obamacare envelope Boston sorry Boston hysterical Obamacare on it was heroin Obamacare like people would just let that created everything we create everything in a lot of ways you know random things happen there some things bro there sometimes people wake up on the wrong side of [ __ ] bed and they
come at you and you got to stay in your [ __ ] ground and you got to say no [ __ ] and people get their feelings hurt you but no I created a lot of the [ __ ] that happened in my life there's no [ __ ] way you also have to stop silliness or it'll invade your life and quity of life if you don't get upset at people sometimes there's times where people are infringing on your happiness with their [ __ ] [ __ ] and you're like listen man you need to learn your own for your own good you need to learn that what you're doing is like socially unacceptable you're you're passing it off on other people you're passing off this shitty reality that you're trying to promote some you you can get locked in a person like that as we were saying before with like bad relationships and then all a sudden like every day you're dealing with this person's nonsense distortions and lies and you can never trust like who was it your fault no it's never your fault right it's never your fault it's always somebody else's fault and when you deal with people like that on a regular basis and you communicate with people like that it makes it incredibly difficult for you to live your life because you're constantly you're constantly like debating or dismissing [ __ ] like is this [ __ ] it might be [ __ ] and then somewhere along the line you realize well [ __ ] this man I got to stop hanging out with this person this person's an [ __ ] you know that person doesn't give give a [ __ ] about the truth they don't give a [ __ ] about me they just and I've had a few of those in my life and you just cut them loose and when you cut them loose like you're way better person you're like your life is free and easy you're like oh it's not that I'm like constantly engaged in Conflict it's that if you surround yourself with the wrong kind of people you will be constantly engaged in Conflict whether you want it or whether you have that intention or not like it's not just about having the right intentions you got to make the right choices as to who you put in your world cuz if you put a bunch of [ __ ] that don't care about evolving they don't care about getting it together and all they're trying to do is pass off their nonsense on you you got a [ __ ] you got a shitty Road you got a shitty road ahead of you
you know I used to love guns I wasn't a gun nut like your buddy but I loved guns I loved having them I loved them and the same thing one day I was like every time I carry a gun there's a problem yeah you put that out there almost right it's like a magnet for other guns and you're not the only one that says that it's like a magnet I'm telling you when I carried a gun I Carri the gun for a very short time because I didn't like it I didn't see the purpose for it it's a nice thing to use to try to be a tough guy but all it's going to do is get you in [ __ ] trouble cuz you pull that [ __ ] out 20 [ __ ] going to pull them on you that real tough guys and I knew that going in I [ __ ] knew it I wanted to fire it at somebody but I tell you what man it was amazing how I used to go home and then go what the [ __ ] just happened tonight what why did I have to go for my reach for my gun tonight why were there six other people in the room at a coke party with guns because guns attract they're like [ __ ] Magnets and one day I got rid of all those guns and it was like I I lost 80 [ __ ] pounds of drama wow the same thing 10 years ago this phone would be ringing with people that were asking me questions about you know how do you get road work you know why don't you take me on the [ __ ] road you know you get all these [ __ ] people calling you with these questions and at the same time they have no concern for you they really don't they're just trying to pull you down especially in this [ __ ] town if you let people pull you down I don't know what you're doing it's not happening for me what do you what do you want me to do you got to write and get on stage every [ __ ] night what' you do last week I went to my sister's wedding well go [ __ ] your mother then go to the [ __ ] wedding you were one of the best guys at picking that out too you were Burns me up it burns my [ __ ] core that people will come up to you and put their lack of the other night I saw somebody that I started comedy with at the store 13 years ago I was going to screen some stupid movie that my buddy was in my wife was sleeping I said let me go down there and as I was walking around the corner I heard Joey and I went up and I go I didn't know who it was and he was
telling me what he was doing in front of there how he was working you hear about this what and he was telling me you know what he was doing there and what he was he was working and I drove back to [ __ ] Studio City with like tears in my eyes because he had every opportunity I had he was a good-looking dude when he moved to this [ __ ] town but to him he used to go to the store and drink and everything was haha and now I'm supposed to feel guilty on the [ __ ] 101 cuz this [ __ ] Schmucks got a job working till [ __ ] 2: in the morning parking cars or something you know I mean we all had the same opportunities here well there's people that feel like those people in your life to teach you that lesson see people fail and have regrets and see people not give 100% or not give it all their focus or give it all their honesty you know give it give it who who the [ __ ] you really are we see those people and that regret is almost there to let us know like don't ever let that happen to you as I was getting in my car he made a comment and he was one of those guys that always had to have that one comment at the store MH and he made like a [ __ ] comment like just what' he say something about something it must have been nice doing blow all is like something just you know what I'm saying like he's one of those guys that he's got to put you down right he had a and I just got in the call and I said you know this is why that guy's parking cars yeah and you know I'm on the [ __ ] road working and at least trying to make things happen but this is why this guy's parking [ __ ] car there was a guy that I want won't mention his name but you uh you'd warn me about him a long time ago long before it ever went real bad for him and then one time I was back in the east coast and the guy hadn't done comedy in [ __ ] a couple of years and he's like trying to get a hold of me to open up for me like what are you just you just gonna get back on stage after a couple years and open up at the Big Show like really that's what you're gonna do like you out of your [ __ ] mind like what kind of weird request is that you haven't done comedy in two years you you want to go up in uh in front of a soldout club like that's that's ridiculous like why would you think that
you could just do that like you but that's what they there's a lot of guys that didn't make it in comedy that felt like they didn't make it because nobody helped them and I've heard that so many times I've heard that stupid argument like I wasn't in with the right group or if you're not in with the right group it's very hard to get road work like what are you talking about what are you all you have to do is be funny if you're funny people find you it's it's one of the easiest businesses of all time you get proven on stage for sure easiest to understand this is how easy it works you go on stage you get people to laugh people notice then they start offering you work it's that simple when you prove that you have a certain amount of time and you prove that you can consistently perform really well people want to give you some work they give you a little here they give you a little there you make some connections you start Network the next thing you know you start you know moving in your area a little bit getting a a few gigs here and there and it takes [ __ ] years and you got to keep doing it if you don't keep doing it then you really didn't want to do it but if you do keep doing it you get to a point where you're Joey Diaz and if you're one of those guys that didn't really want to do it and one day you see Joey Diaz and you say it must been good [ __ ] do Coke all those years H you're there you're like a living lesson like that guy's like a little little stop on your journey it broke my [ __ ] heart it broke my heart on the drive home I was like Wow him and I had the same same opportunities we both walked in that store he used to get spots he was good he was decent yeah you know show potential whatever 9:00 spots couple belly room spots and now you're out here at [ __ ] uh 11:00 at night and you're like wow [Applause] [Music] [Applause]