Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Agb3Y2EYQkY
Joe Rogan podcast check it out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day y man what's up baby Joe Rogan good to see you brother dude thanks for having me man my pleasure this is a [ __ ] pleasure how fun was this weekend man it was insane it was uh not since Sher was at the Garden has there been so much pandemonium bro when Brian Holz was screaming about Billy Jo you're going right to that cuz I was like how long are we going to wait until we talk about Holzman isolating the room amazing he was amazing he uh seeing him at the comedy store which we've seen him many times and then at the Mother Ship now seeing him in in an arena like that go full on Holzman is a real treat 16,000 people and he went [ __ ] Billy Joel yeah and then he's like I don't care if you're famous here as your daughter [ __ ] him we get it you play the [ __ ] piano I mean yeah it was wild he was amazing the surprise is on that show I want to hear from your Vantage Point real quick uh from obviously doing arenas for a while now a show like that cuz getting to see you for a moment before you walked out backstage and you were just like it was cool to see you looking at it like what the [ __ ] this is wild I was blown away first of all I have seen kill Tony evolve from the very beginning so I saw some of the earliest episodes in the belly room but you were telling me Tony came to you and was like will you do my show I got this new and you were just like yeah [ __ ] all right help a buddy out and then you have no idea what it was no I when when I first did it I was like okay let's have some fun I think I first did it he brought up I might have first did it at the ice house they used to do it at the Ice House in the little room yeah and so that was probably one of the first ones that I did and I did a a bunch in the belly room and then it moved to the main room and then it moved to Texas when everything shut down they were trying to do it in the main room for a while with no audience yeah they did quite a few episodes with zero audience it's just a story of persistence and that's why I keep telling you on Comics the consistency is so overlooked in this business and Tony just believed in it and also kept finding ways to evolve it and the more people you guys coming on and then like
you'd see Saget come on and like more more people started to go oh something different to [ __ ] around with right yeah and he just got better at it too you know I mean he's he's a wizard at hosting that show yeah he's got he's managing all these moving Parts he knows when to bring people in when to you know he knows like how to work the panel he knows how to like let you go let somebody else go he's like it's a dance man and the dude is the best at it he's the [ __ ] best at it so for me walking out there and seeing that crowd I was like this is insane and to see The Black Keys on stage I'm like this is inan jelly roll jelly roll sing in New York like what the [ __ ] is happening man this is crazy yeah uh the Pops that everybody got like all the surprises oh my god when Joey Diaz went on stage it was the loudest I've ever heard an audience cheer for any human being ever in my life I thought he was going to be so uh you know taken aback by the roar that he was legit going to run for president because he was because he came out he was like you [ __ ] shotguns back here I came to the circus by the way he came in so hot and rode that high and got in like three or four bangers and I was I saw Tony the airport last night he was like I didn't even even hear what he said and I go dude he said something about like I played hours on quo they put me in a handicap ction and then I [ __ ] came to the circus it was the different circus where there was no net the clowns fell they just [ __ ] swept them out of the way bro he went off that was awesome it went off it was classic Jo you never seen uh me do Dr Phil probably live right no I don't think I have that I think I might have saw it once at the mothership how many did you do the mother I've only done it on kill Tony twice and then I did two Phil shows on a Sunday there but you were gone that's right okay that's right no so that was the first time I ever saw you do it on stage and no I I know Dr know him well he's been on the podcast a bunch of times good friends with his son yeah sock that you nail itks man it's got to be weird for him it's got to be weird for him this guy is doing a comedic version of him and it's like the most popular guest on kill Tony what the [ __ ] dude of all the I mean dude it's a great
guest dude it's a great guess and you know the [ __ ] and that that's not the best image because there you can kind of see that you got that thing on your head the ball cap but you can't tell stage it's [ __ ] Inc it's wild right it's so funny dude you you have that that character is like what's it's still got the abrasiveness of like talk show Phil Right like busting chops like that's why it makes sense when I'm doing these roast jokes right to that you're like yeah it doesn't seem cuz even for me I didn't know I didn't watch like a a whole season of Phil episodes it was during Co my wife and I were just stoned and drunk and watching [ __ ] and then we'd see these Phil reruns and I was just laughing cuz these kids would come on and they're like you know my mom tried to tell I can't smoke weed he's like well maybe you should shut your [ __ ] little [ __ ] mouth he wouldn't say it but he was just in a version he was just like well maybe you need to look in the mirror and see that you aren't exactly perfect I mean just was real abrasive but in a funny way and uh and it was the the it's the it's a funny type of character to do this with because everyone has some idea of who Phil is but he's not so known that you're like this this wouldn't like how do I know this isn't who he is right right right and uh and making him I'm not defaming him either I'm not there're saying whatever it's very funny it's a I think he picks up on that oh he's a great guy he I'm sure he does I'm sure he's flattered well his Publishers they're trying to get him to come on my show and what which would break the internet cuz what I want to do at the store or wherever cuz now we're doing these theater I'm doing you know the beacon in November and the Philly uh the Miller Theater in Philly in October the grammar he's got done the grammar yeah but all these Phil theater tours is what we're doing now like theater shows wow we're going to do the ACL live here next year and Majestic and um and celebrity theater in Arizon pay him no I mean [ __ ] where's my where's my Phil are you still cool with this cam right here hey Doc but so when he comes on I'm like dude it'll break the internet when because you know there's a whole intro video and then you know please give up
for Dr Phil and so I'm thinking instead of me coming out he walks out and people just go nuts and then maybe after 20 30 seconds I come out shake hands well it's also that's a opportunity for him to [ __ ] on you for having the biggest thing of your career imitating him well that's what he said when he gave me guests of the year last year amazing yeah you finally figure out a way to be famous pretending to be someone other than yourself yeah and you know what though isn't it though a great like as much as it like is so fun and so fun and I want to say this about with Tony too his openness to go I am always expanding not only com you know I want to be involved in exploring expanding comedy but the kill Tony show for Tony to for me to go Tony I think Phil on kill Tony would be fun he's an advice guy you were giving advice to Comics but for Tony to be like [ __ ] yeah let's add more oh yeah is really awesome no Tony Tony takes a lot of risks and he likes to fly off the seat of his pants he likes a little bit of chaos on the show like twice I showed up with people and I just brought them on stage one time it was post Malone and the other time it was Tucker Carlson oh I saw that wait that was impromptu totally impromptu they had no idea they were going to do it until they did it when I got there with post I was like you got to come to the club let's go hang out we were having just a great I [ __ ] love that guy he's such a nice guy he's so nice to everybody he's nice to everybody at the bar downstairs all the staff he's just so normal man he just hangs with you he can just hang with you and so anyway we were just hanging out so you know we're like let's go to the club and so we get to the club and Tony was there I think we went to dinner did we go to dinner yeah we going to dinner and then after dinner you go to Ed yes dude Ed is the [ __ ] so we we leave there and I go let's go check out the club and it was kill Tony I you got to see this show that they're doing it's called kill Tony it's crazy oh wow so you're intro to him to the show he no idea he has no idea what's going on he has no idea I'm roping him into this so I don't even have an idea but Tony sends me his text come on stage and I was like all right dude okay I go come on man we're gonna go on stage he's like [ __ ] yeah really I go yeah
come on let's go on stage and he just went with it 100% went with it sat down had a great [ __ ] time had some funny lines David Lucas had he looked like an unemployed crocodile hunter oh my God my god dude some of David's lines are so spot on the joke is just as good as like the like like like what did uh Jeff Ross called David to when he came out on night two at the Garden uh he goes you look like you run a um you manage a circus in Bosnia or something like that yeah yeah Lucas said that I looked like because I was wearing that crazy fur coat and the glasses he goes you look like my 11th grade teacher did you catch outside of school dude I called Dave once I go uh I go all right hoodie and the bloated fish or uh yeah dude he Dave that's another part of the show too where it's like there's now been so many established parts that people look forward to which makes the uh an arena show so exciting for the fans cuz they're like wow I'm going to see surprises and bucket Poes are you have so many elements that are spontaneous right David saying those things was spontaneous in front of 16,000 people and crushing yeah he's the best at that him and Tony back and forth I told them they should do a podcast with just David Lucas and Tony talking [ __ ] to each other cuz there's compilations in the internet they're like a [ __ ] hour long of just David and Tony just [ __ ] on and laughing while they're [ __ ] at each other it's the best lighthearted [ __ ] on people I've ever seen from two wizards at it like they're casting spells at each other and fearless but but an underlying respect to where and that's what's really cool yeah so that there's no personal offense ever taken no no no they love each other had you ever seen uh you watched I'm sure some clips of Shane and I before like after we did that show with the mother I saw I saw a lot of clips from that show oh my God that show has like what is the number up to now that episode 16 million dude that's so crazy [ __ ] dude we were in it was a Friday and Tony calls me I was doing kill Tony but he goes change your plans need you to come Sunday bring your makeup gal Shane sticking around doing Trump and I go holy [ __ ] so in my head I'm like this will be fun you never still know how anything's going to be
received right but I'm just like I don't know man Shane's is popular and [ __ ] likable and funny as it gets and and he has only done Trump on his sketch show and on SNL and I feel like I'll be able to figure out a Biden to whatever but I know that Shane's down to play so I knew that it was going to be like a we're in the back dude we're in the makeup chairs and I'm Shuffling around and she's like what are you uh doing for the face I'm like I kind of got to get the you know the half smile going like that and then and then I was shuffling around and I did the face a few times he started laughing and then at one point I just look in the mirror and he's just going doing his face we locked eyes and we started laughing I go what the [ __ ] are we doing dude and he's the best Trump of all time his Trump is impossible bro he was so in the pocket and that which is why we like made each other break a few times when we when we did at the mothership because it was like I can't believe we're doing this for 2 hours I mean yeah dude inred but the running back of the garden was like I think the move too oh yeah yeah yeah it was awesome it was amazing the whole thing was amazing yeah it was incredible do you love um uh just to me it's just it seems surreal I know like just standing there taking it all in it's like what is going on and how many people want to come in to [ __ ] with for Joey to come in for harlon to come in like Schultz flew in I think from vay just to like be there for that uh no he was supposed to be yeah he definitely th flew in but he was supposed to be at the beginning but there was a bunch of flights that got delay he still made it but still what a cool pop him coming out mid show incredible it was just so fun man just so ultimately fun just really just a great celebration you know a celebration of their success of the show and of Comedy just just fun raw comedy totally D do do you after U you know all years of doing this do things like that I don't know like mean a little more to like be able to be to see that like something like that live or is it like does it give you um I don't know a little more juice for just comedy in general to know that like we're in a cool time where [ __ ] like that is
possible and happening I guess dude we're in an amazing time it's an amazing time for standup if you're funny and and you're trying to have fun and just go out there and be silly people are looking for that right now man and they're looking for something that Rebels against this mind virus it's telling you how to think and behave we don't like it like shut the [ __ ] up you're not compassionate and also controlling that's not possible yeah this [ __ ] scolding shrill [ __ ] stupidity that you hear from people telling you how you have to think and behave that no that these things are not up for debate these like existential threats to humanity and civilization aren't Up For Debate shut the [ __ ] up shut the [ __ ] up I'm getting more and more just cognitive uh of like uh just jokes like I get more and more bummed that people get really offended by certain things cuz I'm like stop paying attention the the key is like it's just jokes just jokes like no one's really especially at our level like people making those jokes it's like cuz it sounded funny and it like was a you know I don't know you know too each his own and everything's subjective but like yeah but this is what's going on dude there's always going to be people that wouldn't enjoy it but they get to see it now yeah whereas before people just found out what you did you went to a club you know if you like the guy you like the guy you saw the guy on TV you went to go see live and that was it now you're getting exposed to people that would never go see you live they just want to talk so much [ __ ] yeah but that is just because you're getting exposed to more people so there's pros and cons the pros is the show gets 16 million views that's insane yeah like what does an average Jimmy Fallon show get let's find out what that is like what's what's a the amount of people maybe in the Mills probably let's find out I don't even know I don't even know but he's probably the most popular of the late night guys right so what does he get I think Jimmy Kimmel quit right did he quit no he's still going oh yeah I thought he was gonna quit is he gonna quit I just saw Jeff globo hosting there night I think he's on vacation maybe I would get to a point where I'd be like when can I do you ever get asked to do
that no no no you doing a song with somebody the whole reason why I started a podcast is no one would ever give me money for a radio show not even a radio show oh wow like I was thinking about that I was like I would I remember when Opie and Anthony got they got taken off the air because they brought on a homeless guy who said some wild [ __ ] about condalisa rice like wanting to Raper or something [ __ ] awful I like that this guy was like idea at least in the Noah enough to know who was like yeah but he was just crazy homeless guy and Opie and Anthony was a wild show I mean those [ __ ] especially when they got on XM they could say whatever the [ __ ] they wanted oh my God were they definitely at the kind of the precipice of things kind of getting a little Edge year yeah radio wise they so an average gets 1,720 th000 views for Kimmel that's for Jimmy Kimmel is the the so he's number one oh okay Fallon is 1.4 oh CO's in the lead coar is in the lead with 2.5 million so out of those people how many of them are tuning in because it's just on TV sure there's a thing that people do it's 11 o'clock what's on you know especially Boomers they're locked in that's what they've done their whole [ __ ] life see what's on TV oh at 8:00 coar on and they just watch a show yeah those are the same people that believe the news which is ironic did you see what happened with Co Bear's audience no so uh Caitlyn Collins from CNN is on and um see you find I read tweeted it it's [ __ ] hilarious Constantine from trigonometry uh tweeted it and I I retweeted I was like this is crazy I just want you to see it okay before I describe it but it is it's the audience laughing at CNN being honest watch this this is crazy Twitter what's that bro trying to get Twitter to stop loading oh this the government they're attacking Twitter because of the Elon Mustang guaranteed let's just call it that start started from the beginning and and go big screen because this is so Preposterous Trump has kind of been thrown on his Heels by this and he's not really sure how to go after vice president Harris he knew his attack lines on President Biden he really has struggled with how to how to go after
someone who's 20 years younger than him who is a different gender A different race it's kind of been this moment where he has not been able to coales around a single attack line I know you guys are objective over there that you just report the news as it is oh I know a CNN makes a I know that's supposed to be a la L it wasn't supposed to be but uh I guess it is Trump has kind of been going wow broow bro how crazy is that the audience is like shut the [ __ ] up that is hilarious they thought he was being a joker they thought that was a joke yeah that's how crazy this world has gotten where [ __ ] CNN being unbiased is a joke to people in the audience that's so so crazy and why what what got accomplished if you had you were running a business what did you accomplish by doing things that way you've ruined your business because now people think you're full of [ __ ] yeah and you could have just been actual just straightforward journalists and been beyond reproach and probably got away with you would have got as much money they probably when they got as much money you got to get those ads in I think that's what they teach to in journal I mean I don't know at some some point like when do you figure out when you're in journalism school or whatever that like there is a there's probably obviously a handful of people more than that that want to stay like you know authentic and true and really there's a lot of those man and then at some point you just what get an offer to go somewhere or somebody above you goes dude you got to get that story out like you know I don't know and you're trying to get a name for yourself like any sort of sports Punit right sometimes they say wacky [ __ ] just to get their name out there but well it's good for the bus right so if they write a thing that says you know hey everybody used to like Trump like the show you ever seen like videos of trump on The View with Barbara walers back when they liked him you ever seen that uh yes but I can't remember what you're referring to you should see it cuz it's Bonkers literally Bonkers it's going around see if you can find it like Barbara's he's just being dude it's nuts it's like literally nuts Sean Conor saying you can hit women nuts no no no they they love him they love him everyone loves him whoopy loves him wow
yeah Bara Walter loves everybody was friendly everybody was like they were considerate they were talking nicely to each other there was no attacks it was a wonderful conversation whoopy I love your hair what would you what do you wash it with syrup and they just laugh found it I mean it's going around all right so that's I'll look on somebody posted I can't remember who posted it on on Twitter but I was like this is crazy watching it is just bananas do you think they've seen what what Shane and I have done at all do you think they've seen like TR for sure has yeah this is it watch this this is Bonkers Go full screen this is literally buo and a television star but does he really want to add president of the United States to his resume a lot of people would like him to please let's find out and please welcome my friend Donald Trump my friend my friend watch this just watch this this is nuts we're in an alternative Universe okay cuz this is not that long ago go standing o bro watch this just watch how this goes watch this so she's a republican that's easy yeah but everybody else Joy can't wait to get a hug in yeah everyone's hugging look at this look at this kisses hugs kisses to Whoopi everybody hugs and kisses even Joy bear hugs and K joyar hugs and kisses see now watch this so I'm going to take you at your word that you have not decided yet when you're going to run but you're thinking about it and you've expressed some of your views uh which are controversial and in many ways yeah but but but not to her well not to her okay you're a republican so but let's say let's say that you do decide in the spring right um and your ideas are resonate so much on the other hand um you know we saw n gingr apologizing for his marriages and divorces you've had three marriages two sort of uncomfortable divorce is do you think that not really they were very comfortable well we want me do you do you think getting laughs right away that would bother anybody I think the country is doing so badly they want somebody that's going to help it I think the country is never been in a position like it is right now it's being ripped off by every nation every intelligent nation in the world whether it's China they're
taking our jobs they're making all our product and then they loan us back the money we pay them interest whether it's crazy Feld right now how about the the Arab League they say we want you to go in and attack Libya these are the wealthiest countries in the world why aren't they paying us they change their mind that but you didn't answer my question no I did answer your question I really think matter I think maybe 10 years ago it would have mattered five years ago the fact is I think people want somebody now that's going to protect them and protect this country cuz we're not going to be a great country for long if we keep going the way we're going right now if you the audience cheers when we have France France leading the charge okay France this is the our new leader by the way they LED for about two hours after that nobody's seen them I don't know if you know that geographically they should just ask a followup question lead is the point let me just ask followup question to that let's say you run uh you've given a lot of thought for this uh who would you like as your vice president possibly Sarah Palin well I think it's far too early even to discuss that I'm going to make a decision sometime prior to June thinking about it very strongly I think I'd do a really good job I think I'd protect this country like it's not being protected you know it's funny so many of the things I say now politicians are saying hey that's right why don't we like why aren't they paying us if you look at North Korea South Korea we're protecting South Korea they're making a fortune let's call it hundreds of billions of dollars of profit on us we have 25,000 soldiers over there protecting them they don't pay us why AR they paying you be treating us like a business no no a business with heart okay believe me there's a lot of heart it's a business but it's also a business with heart we will destroy this country won't be a war if the economics of this country keep going the way they're going we're not going to have a you're kind of a social liberal Donald you know you're a social liberal Could you actually get the base to vote for you in the primary well every poll is saying that I'm the one that does the best you know they're doing polls they actually have you a
higher approval rating than Mitt Romney Tim penes John Boehner out of all let's just pause and think just he's very poised he's listening's grasp the 180 yeah that the media's taken on him since he decided to be president when you see the machine go after a guy we've never seen the machine go after someone as boldfaced you know the prosecutions the rushia gate stuff on television every night all of it it's and then to see just a few years ago they loved him yeah you know he was like a he was a Democrat I think until like 200000 and something 2008 maybe something crazy like that Clinton I think they were all Palace right there was pictures of them in D Busters and [ __ ] just oh yeah like what he I think he said that he had to pay them to come to a wedding like they have a a price if you pay them they'll come to weding pay to play as a spectator what is a accusation it's a trump accusation see the thing about it's like apparently he said that he was in helicopter with Willie Brown but wasn't Willie Brown it was Joe Brown it was a different Brown and so now Willie Brown is saying that's not true you know yeah it's just Donald Trump says this money Drew Hillary Clinton to his wedding she had no choice because I gave it to a foundation wow yeah um is that is that what what what I just said with is that true that brown yeah wi Brown thing Joe Brown thing I think that was like a the mistake he made and then people are like he's old she's young like you you [ __ ] seen her mistakes this is crazy the gaslighting is nuts it's the same gaslighting they did to turn Trump into a monster now they're doing that same gaslighting to turn her into our future Our Hope yeah and it's working it's crazy to watch it's crazy to watch is it crazy to like I mean I don't know do you do you think it's only going to get like 20 years from now because the the upswing I guess of just all social media social media and media in general and then also you're taking the people that are you know involved like it's it's the perfect mesh of of crazy and crazy all right so this says former Trump executive disputes his claim that Willie Brown was on board right uh this is a woman said uh Barbara Rez the Trump organization's former Executive Vice President of construction development
said former state senator Nate Holden was on the plane not brown is that the same exact helicopter thing so is a helicopter crash is that what it was yes so no Brown was on there not Willie or Joe he's been on tons of helicopters it's all the you know what she was saying you know what she was saying like he doesn't have an attack strategy that's I don't think you know this is what I was trying to say when everybody got mad at me when I said what I liked about JFK Jr or RFK Jr excuse me um Robert of Kennedy is a guy who just goes after issues he goes after goes after actions he talks about things this like Trump has like always in the past like attacked he's like attacked people attack people and it's just in this case I feel like I don't know if what they're doing right now the way they're elevating I don't know if she's ever going to debate him they locked one in I think September 10th what is that going to be like when she's off screen off grid off paper I don't know Off Script wild just completely able to say whatever she wants whatever she wants to say and if if we get one of those you kind of got to match Trump a little bit with his you know Fearless like you know nobody has risen to the level of his you know um I'm just going to kind of interrupt com and combat everything you say like I she's you you have to be go Toe to Toe and be in the ring you can't be there and kind of just yeah 100% but I do have to say that that one speech that she gave right after they decided that she was going to be the nominee that one speech where she said if you're going to say something why don't you say it to my face it was great timing it was Middle School recess [ __ ] it wasn't just that man the way that she delivered it was like very clear it was prepared right and so that means like she's coachable you know which is very important if you want to be a a president you got to be coachable yeah you know so oh yeah so she figured out how to deliver a banger of a speech right like play that because it's pretty powerful yeah I think she'll have something to say back to him cuz no but but this is the thing that's a speech but when you go to Toe to Toe to Toe when you're just talking off the top of your head that's where she has some issues oh you oh yeah yeah I think
people lock up when they know that everybody is criticizing every word they're saying and you're you're applying for a job as essentially the mom of the world oh wow wow or the dad of the world you know if he wins that's what you are you're the [ __ ] dad of the Free World right but if she just does a b impression goes you're a sucker you're a sucker just throws right back at him there's so many people watching you your brain just freezes up with anxiety but listen to this this is amazing this here's the thing here here's the funny thing about that here's the funny thing about that so he won't debate but he and his running mate sure seem to have a lot to say about me and by the way don't you find some of their stuff to just be plain weird [Applause] well Donald I do hope you'll reconsider to meet me on the debate [Music] [Applause] stage because as the saying goes if you got something to say say it to my face damn they knew it was coming it's coming yeah she nailed that she nailed that how do you think so that's that that alone can get you the president this is we're in Idiocracy that alone like she that is get a couple Banger sound bites right you can't say that's not outstanding totally she just crushed it she crushed it she had the big moment oh I'm tuning in this is Pay-per-view now she had the big moment and she crushed it and she did it without any ums or stammers no [ __ ] misted words she had a smile the laugh made sense made sense there for the first time when she laughs like sometimes she laughs like out of nerves it seems like just just try to get everybody to feel lighter about the situation but that wasn't that one that was like a genuine genuine smile and a laugh crushed it yeah that's a problem that's a problem and I don't think they thought she was going to be able to do that that's the thing you can you can [ __ ] coach somebody bro it ain't hard I mean maybe she just practiced who are these coaches just public speakers and stuff oh yeah public speaking coaches yeah there's political speech analysts there's people that imagine if there's
David Lucas gets hired to give her like some on liners listen I mean there's a crazy world where there's [ __ ] like that where there somebody goes you need a couple zingers in your back pocket I don't know 100% CU if that's not your world and your brain doesn't operate like that Trump's does Trump is looking at like you know to make a little put down or or he's just just quick in that way listen he is quick in that way also it would behoove him to hire a few great Comics to just tour with them and just write on liners about all these different [ __ ] people I mean if he could remember them I mean I think I know he likes to go off his own head but he could remember a few hinchcliff bangers if he hires hinchcliff to take him on the road you know [ __ ] insane that would be yeah dude Hench Cliff riding bangers for Trump to [ __ ] on people comedy cures and it also is sometimes what kind of just pushes things over the top D the thing you're getting from him is you know no one is coaching him right you know he's going off the cuff you know he's nobody gets to tell him what to do when he goes out there and he talks about things it's like he's just off the cuff off the cuff and that's why it gets sideways sometimes you know it gets a little fumbly sometimes but what I'm saying is that what she did was like a pro she did that like a pro that's where it gets dangerous because you don't think that was calculated you think that was off the cuff like just responding to what was no that was a 100% planned out thing yeah 100% And well executed like she [ __ ] nailed it the problem is that's what we're looking for it's not even necessarily who has the best policies for the country it's not necessarily who's going to make real reform who's really going to change things and make it better for everybody versus who looks like the kind of person who should be president who's talking like a leader yeah who's got the whole a say it to my face and the ho what if that become my catch yeah you're going on to every country I mean that's your there's going to be those t-shirts that's your iaro if you're B Simpson well that's a bit of a problem that she does repeat the same speeches over and over and over again in these speeches so they have all these
compilations of her saying things in the exact same order yeah you got to mix it up but this is the thing that they like about Trump is that he does not do that when Trump goes up there he is is more than capable of talking for an hour and a half straight be entertaining he cracks on things he says funny things like he was joking around about Biden wandering around not knowing where he is it was hilarious he was like he was a comic he was killing I know and I guarantee you he probably had an idea in his head that he's going to [ __ ] on Biden Pro you know had an idea how he's going to do it but that's like just being a free baller yeah you're up there free balling he's the only one that can do that people do respond to that too everybody does like you said want to look at somebody and go oh they represent us well the same way like if you have a agent or manager right you want them if they're out in public you go oh do they are they an extension of me in a certain way so we you want to see the best at it yeah Clinton Clinton when he was running for president the first time bro tell you something dude he's the [ __ ] Michael Jordan of those [ __ ] I can't argue with that dud old school ttty Grabber from he probably called tits bazoombas you know bro he was an animal and the this guy smooth talked better than any he was like that's the president you hear him talking like that's our guy exactly right listen to this [ __ ] talk oh let me just get a a a speech when he was this is when he's the president we' never seen that he's the president he's playing tax give me a little bit of that let me hear it and now [Music] hillville and all the rest of y'all here [Music] slinging dick before the internet son up until this point we'd seen footage of like Nixon playing G fish there was no cool president doing no he was the coolest ever this um you know people who lost their jobs lost their homes well I've been governor of a small state for 12 years I'll tell you how it's affected me every
year Congress and the president sign laws that makes us make us do more things and gives us less money to do it with I see people in my state middle class people their taxes have gone up in Washington and their services have gone down while the wealthy have gotten tax cuts I I have seen what's happened in this last four years when in my state when people lose their jobs there's a good chance I'll know them by their names when a Factory closes I know the people who ran it when the businesses go bankrupt I know them and I've been out here for 13 months meeting and meetings just like this ever since October with people like you all over America people that have lost their jobs lost their livelihood lost their health insurance what I want you to understand is the national debt is not the only cause of that it is because America has not invested in its people it is because we have not grown it is because we've had 12 years of trickle down economics we've gone from first to 12th in the world in wages we've had four years where we produced no private sector jobs most people are working harder for less money than they were making 10 years ago it is because we are in the grip of a failed economic theory and this decision you're about to make better be about what kind of economic theory you want not just people saying I'm want to go fix it but what are we going to do what I think we have to do is invest in American jobs American Education control American Health care costs and bring the American people together again okay stop if that guy runs right now he wins that guy runs right now he [ __ ] blows everybody out of the water Democrats come home with like every [ __ ] date that guy wins can you do that I don't know he can't jump back in right no you did did he can't he's not the same guy anymore he's not the same guy anymore he doesn't have that energy anymore he had a bunch of scandals that guy if you could go back in a time machine and grab that Bill Clinton and run him today he wins and and it makes sense what if there was a younger son Clinton that was a spitting image of Bill and Monica Lewinsky was the running mate is there ever a World or is that two in the simulation that's two in the simulation that would be too strange be too strange yeah but what if she came out and her policies were great
and she had to say it to my face but she goes and she made jokes about like and you know we're going to swallow the competition I don't know she you know well the problem was she didn't swallow right that's all it got on the dress oh that's right all right well clean up all the mess well maybe just we'll clean up every dress and mess I don't know yeah maybe she just wanted to keep it there for this is just a soft pitch I didn't say this was a great idea no it's a I see where you're going with it though it's nuts that that's what we used to get for choices yeah like they made sense when you saw Arnold uh in the mix cuz I feel like at least for me that was cuz I wasn't you know around obviously for the Reagan stuff but like to the Arnold was my first taste of like oh anybody can do you know what I'm saying that was Ronald Reagan when he became president I mean it doesn't make sense to us but if you were someone who grew up during that time when he was a movie star yeah it's like you know Dennis Quaid being the president yeah yeah and he's playing Reagan oh yeah same guy did his makeup does my fill stuff oh that's wow she's like go Jen aspino it's just like you know the world has gotten real weird man [ __ ] it's real weird when we know what the trick is everybody's talking about the trick I mean there's all these videos of KLA Off Script she doesn't talk nearly as clearly it's not what but if you just keep her on that script and focus everything else now you just you're still running the show you're still running the show just like you were for the last four years cuz like no one even talks about body anymore yeah like literally you don't you don't even care that he's still the president quite a few months yeah yeah it's August kids September October November December no president no president and also how bad is he deteriorate between now and then because clearly that man is at the end of a long road the presidency took its toll on him I think it takes his toll on everybody Al Trump just come seemed fine yeah he seemed fine four years didn't age him at all yeah wild wild the dud just water off the duck's back well you look at LeBron he's [ __ ] four playing 20 plus some people
just got a little extra juice yeah but LeBron spends millions of dollars on his body he's never been out of shape you know he's con don't spend the same amount of money on their bodies okay you really can't compare the two also it's not like you know the NBA ages you like no it's the stress of knowing you could start a [ __ ] nuclear war the economy rides on you why would you want that stress even running for president seems like the the craziest thing to even just the campaigning you see when people drop out after four five six seven eight months I'm like God what do you do now like is that withdrawal or even that Comedown it's like a shroom come down where you're like [ __ ] now you're questioning everything cuz you're like you put everything into it but then is there a weird like [ __ ] I didn't have enough to even get close like or do you just go all right I I gave it a shot and it wasn't my wasn't my time who [ __ ] I mean it depends entirely on the individual but I think it's just people just getting fed up that want to throw their s into that crazy race but that thing is nuts you never had any of that right like through any part of your once you even like yeah that's wild that's a different type of there's a being on wanting to be on stage and make people laugh cuz my buddy of mine said this to me just about you know as we were talking about you know actors whoever running for president and he was like oh be great there was a comedian that ran and I'm like yeah but we don't that's not our Al Franken probably could have run he probably could have run yeah and he probably could have won yeah he's he's a really inter he just got [ __ ] yeah was it that picture yeah yeah there was a picture he was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny it's just unfort wrong place wrong time wrong hands wrong boots trying to be a comedian trying to be funny you know oh wait real quick I just had a thought when dice came out and did his um cuz I wanted to that first of all talk to him about being back in the garden you're just you're just saying just being funny or whatever and I watching him do his hicky Dickory joke at the Garden again was wild dude yeah and hearing him talk about being back there was so that that's a there's so many small things in between the entire Garden experience that I was like
I want to not ever forget this because seeing him even just be there I was like that's crazy well dice was kind of on the outs with the comedy community it was to me it was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen it was was real weird because he did MTV and he got banned for life from MTV for telling jokes I forget what the jokes were in the Paulie area or no yeah I was kind of around that time maybe a little after Paulie was off of MTV but um he had these jokes I forget even what he was joking about like damp bons or something no you know I don't even know what the [ __ ] he was joking around about it was perfect but it was Andrew Dice Clay you asked the dirtiest comedian of all time to do a set yeah and then you got mad when he does the kind of jokes that Andrew Dice Clay does do you even [ __ ] watch his [ __ ] you ever watch dice rules they heard he was popular and they just were like get the guy I don't who Everyone's Watching what the [ __ ] they thought if they thought he was going to do something different because he was on MTV I don't know what they thought but anyway they banned him for life and there was a lot of comedians that came out against him a lot of comedians said that they thought his act was sexist and racist and yeah it was like but it was a character yeah he was like there's a man his name is Andrew Silverstein and there's his character Andrew Dice Clay yeah and you the whole idea is like that some stupid people like him stupid people like a lot of things but smart people like him too totally because it's jokes because it's he's being hilarious saying the most ridiculous [ __ ] and for whatever [ __ ] reason he was on the outs he wasn't respected by a lot of comedians it was real weird it was disrespected and I was like I get it if you don't like that kind of Comedy but it's like who are you to decide what's good like I don't think that way but I think it's funny when people say things that way like I'm not really mad at Billy Joel I think he's awesome but when Holzman was [ __ ] on Billy Joel I loved it couldn't get enough it was amazing it was fun nobody shits on Billy Joel so it was like that's also why it's funny like every you got to hit him in dude everybody has to be [ __ ] with I'm sorry you know and there's living degrees obviously like you know somebody's I don't know again
like jokes there's there's I mean some of the jokes I've had with friends who have been H really bad Hospital bedridden and like that's changed their entire outlook on stuff like you know like you got to be able to joke around about yeah dude it's a real superpower I it's it's really I mean even some from some of this Phil stuff which is so silly dude some of these messages like messages I get are wild about people this kid I met in Jersey doing the stress Factory you ever do the stress all the time Vinnie brand so I'm doing these shows this kid comes up and he's like my mom has cancer has four months to live we've been watching your Phill stuff is all that she wants to watch and it makes her smile so that's our thing now and he starts balling and I got all choked up and it was like just more and more of that happening the last few years and not just of that stuff just dude comedy is medicine it's wild Joe it's medicine it really is it's medicine for people because I think we get so and I know I'm guilty of this like like a lot of us when you're getting going you're so you're thinking you know yeah about the show and making people laugh and I'm present and I'm and afterwards chatting with people and taking it in but those now that we have this opportunity to receive messages like that or hear it live in the face like that is uh it's wild it's amazing it really and it makes me so even more lucky to like be a part of it you look at something like kilton it's like and be having to be Global there's people in probably beay rut that were having a [ __ ] day that like saw [ __ ] Hans Kim they're like D I always want to see Hans came in the garden or whatever their dream was you know well yeah it's it's it really is like a kind of medicine it is for me for sure if someone makes me laugh I feel way better when did you start getting like uh love like that what I wanted to say though before I for got because I was going so dice dice is embraced Now by this class of comedians to this group of comedians that are coming out dice was one of my heroes when I was 19 years old I mean I was laughing so hard his I was in in my car in front of my house with this girl I was dating I was 19 we were listening to dice on a cassette we're just sitting in the front seat of my car just
laughing it was so funny I couldn't believe how funny it was and it was just listening to it on a cassette you know and then as I became you know a comedian headliner and traveler G on TV all the stuff and I became friends with dice and then I realiz some comedians don't like dice I was like this is this doesn't even make sense to me like what are you guys talking about like the guy does legitimate performance art on the street he does for no money he he plans it out he strategizes and he makes these videos of him stumbling into people and telling them you want you wanted the picture you wanted the picture with me they have no idea who the [ __ ] he is and it's genius it's genius performance art the guy does not get the credit that he deserves and it's for whatever reason he's a great guy just for whatever reason there was this weird time period where comedians hated him and I don't understand that does doesn't make any sense to me and he was I think he got too big too because he was the first guy to ever sell out Arenas right he was the first guy that was doing those like he did mass square guard multiple nights sold out you know he does every he did Nassau Coliseum so it was a classic got so big people just want to kick him off the mountain I think there's a little bit of that for sure because there's no comedians before him that was doing Arenas right and he was doing a different thing because he was doing this thing where everybody knew the jokes and they wanted to say it with him what's in the bow [ __ ] oh yeah man and the [ __ ] thousands of people it's like a rock band you're seeing a band play your favorite song yep so he had the Rhymes man the Rhymes you could not go wrong with those Rhymes and you know he's dressed in a [ __ ] giant glittery biker outfit it's [ __ ] craz I do not like a little bit of that it's fun it's like there's all kinds of Comedy you can love that and still love Paton Oswalt I think he's funny too it's like it's all kinds of stuff is funny man Duncan truss was hilarious everybody's different it's okay yeah but it's just this this class of comedians gets that this group convenience gets gets just be funny it's all [ __ ] unless you're funny and another fun thing about kilton is that it's like you know the the audience that has cultivated it's putting you know having
dice on like that is like people who may or not have fully been educated on Andrew will now be like oh [ __ ] and then go back and do a deep dive and a lot of these kids have no idea he even existed okay because they're 20 yeah you know they're 20 years old yeah they don't see TI they were born in 2004 son that is crazy you already had navigation in your car and those kids were born yeah and so they don't know what the [ __ ] is going on who's that guy why is everybody clapping and you got to become a comedy historian and you got to go oh dice rules you and then listen to the day the laughter died you want to be a real dice fan you listen to the day the laughter died it's 2 hours long oh my God okay Rick Rubin produced it it's two hours long of him just popping into danger Fields with no material and bombing and oh yeah yeah yeah on purpose on purpose in the height of his stardom okay this guy's selling out Arenas and he decides to do a twood dis special of him bombing on purpose on purpose I love that I mean no material dude no material no no bombed on purpose or bombed bom on purpose look if he wanted to he could have done his act and he would have crushed they would be oh my God it's dice he decides to bomb on purpose dude it's the craziest thing yeah because the kind of ego you have to have to be able to bomb on purpose on a CD and then put it out no internet by the way this is all in his crazy head right this is not a thing you do because you know you want to impress people on Reddit this is a wild thing he did as an artist it really is a wild artist move and this is where I think he doesn't get enough credit because everybody thinks oh he's just the dirty guy he's the guy who tells racist jokes it's like no no no no no no no no Innovative pay attention to what this [ __ ] crazy person is doing and the thing he does now he's not trying to get people to like know who he is he's just making this the most comfortable video and the people who are fans of his like he's a [ __ ] Maniac just walking up to this crazy Chinese lady and he wanted to picture like they don't know what the [ __ ] to do and he's big and he's imposing he's got these crazy sunglasses on he looks like he might be an insane person totally you're worried about your safety yeah yeah it's hilarious he's a
[ __ ] he's a genius it's inspiring to see somebody like that that has that doesn't lose their zest for right the funny like even in the green room with the guard he was doing videos with everybody and he came up and he goes Phil do a video for me where I come up and you go hey I'm talking to my fans and I go I go what he goes no no but in character right now you're at him do Phil so then he comes up and he goes hey Doc and I go Andrew I'm talking to my friends where you [ __ ] off and he goes Jesus [ __ ] Christ this guy and then and he puts it back and he goes I thought I lik this guy and then he like then he goes over to S and does a little video and yeah he just was like the [ __ ] around man it was like and that's what the that's what the backstage uh Vibe should be you know dude he used to do these little sketches at the store and he would do it with a VHS handheld camera he do sketches at the store and I asked him when not I go what are you doing these four I goes four he's like what am I doing it four like was like I'll put it together someday just he was just having fun yeah just having fun oh the first time he brought me up in the O at the store uh Jeff Scott was over there on the keys and he goes uh he goes Jeff who we got next and I'd met him maybe three times but didn't expect whatever but he goes uh and Jeff goes uh Adam Ray and he goes oh I love this guy and uh you know we didn't know each other and he goes this guy you've seen him here you've seen him there keep it going for my friend Allan gray and then I get up and then I get up and he goes sorry I had to right like to me and I just laughed and I was like that yeah just get red by him yeah he's I would love when he would go on stage in the O and there'd be like 10 people in the crowd yeah and he would just [ __ ] with them a this [ __ ] guy look at this [ __ ] guy with his pants that looks like he got attacked by a [ __ ] mountain lion how much did you pay for those pants you [ __ ] [ __ ] he like this I would call it mean dice that was my favorite dice to watch in the O when he do mean dice people love it too they're like dice is roasting me get the [ __ ] out of here they were dying they were dying it was funny it was like it sounds mean when I'm saying it but mean dice was hilarious has he he's been to
the Mother Ship yeah oh yeah yeah yeah M he's just happy I was always just would you freak me out to become his friend because I those that one for you that's just crazy that as far as like in the business real like because I was young man I was was friends with him in my 20s wow and I was standing in the back of the com he's the reason why I started going on the road because I was standing in the back of the comedy stories like you should through the road and I said why I was like I'm here at the store he goes yeah I know but you know what you don't want to be attached to Hollywood and these [ __ ] jerk offs he's like you make all the money that you need on the road W he goes you get us get an audience he goes you're a funny guy should do the road and I was like I should do the road that's why I started doing the road for years [ __ ] out of just opened you up to the idea 100% for years I was mostly just doing the store and I would do the Laugh Factory and I do the Improv and I was just doing Hollywood sets and occasionally I would do something else where it was a long set but it was a little awkward because I was mostly doing 15minute sets you know and and so then I started headlin it again I was like oh yeah yeah you have to do this you have to do hours you have to do like four hours on a weekend like two two on Friday two on Saturday but it's like the problem was I always had like one foot in and one foot out because what one foot in was like I was always working on television so that was like most of my day most of my day on news radio was working on the TV show like it it dampens your enthusiasm for doing the thing that got you to the dance but I I a news radio once and the producer said to me why are you do still doing standup you're an actor now and I was like oh no oh [ __ ] I was just like like this whole cycle of needing people to pick you for something I was like yuck get me out of this yeah why are you deciding what I should you know be to people and it was at that same time where dice told me you should do the road W the same time so it was like a fortuitous un convergence of this guy that I couldn't believe I was friends with it was just weird to me would those News Radio Days be so long that sometimes you wouldn't want to go up and into a spot or was it cond did I always
did it I never canceled I always did it even though so was exhausted it was your reward too right you were looking forward to it like I can get through the day so I can get on stage almost it was a little bit of that but it was also those are my people you know the comedians were my people I had to be around the freaks I had to be around the weirdos the holzman's you know I became friends with Holtzman in '94 wow yeah so I I had to be around those guys like those are my compatriots it is wild how quickly you find that out that you are in the right spot I remember when I first started going around the store in uh what 2000 I started say in 2007 so it was right around there and just going open mics and waiting for 4 hours and Tommy telling me I'm going up and then not going up and then being like and he like well come maybe come back tomorrow and then just but being around even if I didn't go up I was around for four hours and I didn't just sit and wait I like milled around and that's where I met Tony and all these guys that that you're like oh cool you're doing this too and that was uh the connecting over that is an immediate Bond that's just like once you kind of lock eyes with someone like oh you're trying to do this too unspoken respect and then and then also like oh cool somebody that like oh we both didn't go up or you got up oh cool yeah well dude next time maybe do this and then oh where you going now you know it's late like I'm [ __ ] I'm jazzed from watching four hours of comedy and not going up and I feel like it's sad if I just go to bed so oh well let's go [ __ ] play uh video games and smoke weed and and talk and just talk about our experience of that night and um there wild times that you don't appreciate at the moment because you're worried you don't know if the future is ever going to be real you don't know if you're ever going to be real comedian you know CU you don't you want to do it you you're obsessed with it but it's hard to even get on stage it's hard to even take the first steps towards the dream so it's like even though it's an amazing time and you're going to look back on it so fondly Forever at the it's crazy at the time you just don't know and that that not knowing and not being able to control your destiny as a young person is one of
the most terrifying and paralyzing feelings because you don't know if it's going to happen in whatever you're trying to do you're just you you're a fog of you know Hope and Dreams and I don't know I don't know I can't see the future I don't know if it's ever going to work out the uncertainty that that is a constant Cloud over your head but but also the appropriate amount of delusion and and enthusiasm for wanting to make it right or make it I mean just wanting to be able to work in in uh in this world well I was very fortunate that I'm a very determined person cuz I was terrible when I started stand up yeah I mean occasionally I had some good jokes but I was bad at putting it together but I didn't know how to write I didn't know I just knew like what I liked and I knew that I could make people laugh in inappropriate ways I just couldn't figure out how to get that were you comfy on stage no yeah it took a while took a while for me to be comfortable on stage which is so crazy I was so nervous about it but I had fought like a hundred times it's just so weird that like getting kicked in the head didn't make me as nervous as talking to people that's so wild to me it's so crazy there was a lot of fear that came with the fighting that didn't come with standup like all throughout the day like you have massive anxiety all throughout the day when sparring days you'd have massive anxiety when you're going to a tournament and that's when I became funny because I would make everybody laugh when we were all freaking out cuz we were like on a bus driving to New York together to go get kicked in the face and trying to and I would just make jokes cuz it's very likely that one of us might get knocked unconscious you I'd seen a few of my friends get knocked unconscious and it's a terrifying feeling when I saw a friend of mine get axe kicked in the face and he was really never the same guy again after that he was a really good fighter and we went up to Canada and he fought this guy named Jersey long and Jersey long was this national champion from Canada who was nasty he was nasty and he caught my friend in the head with an axe kick and koed him and I didn't think my friend should have been fighting him I didn't think my friend was good enough at that point and
experienced enough he was good he was very talented but he he didn't have enough experience on a national level and this guy was at the peak of his form and he [ __ ] caught him so hard and it was so horrible watching him crumple and go unconscious and I was like God damn it was one of the worst Kos I'd ever seen live from like a friend getting ko'ed I was like God damn that make you really just re-evaluate oh a bunch of times made me reevaluate koing people made me re-evaluate it watching people snoring on the ground and knowing that that could have easily been you easily could have been you easily you know easily there was definitely guys that could have knocked me into the shadow realm they just didn't I just got lucky I got lucky and I never really got knocked out until my last kickboxing fight I get TKO I was still conscious it was I was okay I got rocked I got hit with a left hook and dropped my legs just disappeared my legs just went weep go away what's that like it's weird it never happened before I've been rocked before in the gym but I'd never been dropped where I was really exhausted it was my third fight of the night too cuz even that's a crapshoot right like when you're getting kicked in the head and you go down or whatever it is that knocks you out it's still right there's always the oh a couple centimeters to the left and that would have actually this guy caught me perfect on the jaw and I think I had my mouth open because I think I was tired cuz it was like I said it was the third fight of the day and I remember being exhausted because I I would get sick a lot of times before fights because I would get nervous so I get real nervous and then your immune system drops cuz you're freaking out all the time [ __ ] yeah and also you're cutting weight I'd be cutting my calories down because I was trying to compete in different weight class but those nerves don't enter in the comedy like before your UH live special which I told you a couple days ago but it was awesome thanks congrats and also I'm just I love uh doing it different man when Haren Williams did a [ __ ] special outdoors in front of animals I was like [ __ ] yeah you know what I'm saying doing something different but the live thing is so not guaranteed man you're you're ready you
you've done live but like still you're you're still it's still a new uh challenge right I said no to it at first I was like I don't want to do that [ __ ] that what put you over the top and what and what were the nerves like that were well what put me over the top was I was like why are you scared buy like this is like what do you like to do you like to do things that scare you do this thing you [ __ ] [ __ ] that's exactly what I thought to myself cuz I said no I was on the phone with my manager and she was said Netflix wants to do a live special I was like [ __ ] that I go I don't want to do that no no no tell him no maybe I'll do a special but at that time I wasn't even thinking about doing a special I was just working on Comedy I was just having fun and just doing comedy and then and then being at my own club it was [ __ ] wonderful and then I was like why are you being such a [ __ ] like as I drew when I said no and then I when I got home I think or maybe the next morning I called her up and I said don't tell him no yet let me think about it and then the next day I said I'm going to do it conversations with other people about it or you just kind of had a I didn't tell anybody a car pep talk or what no no just my own head was like this is what you're supposed to do stupid yeah just do something do something that scares the [ __ ] out of you cuz that scares the [ __ ] out of you but I just realized like I'm having great shows I know I'm H the M material's tight it's funny I'm like what am I worried about I'm not going to be able to I do it every night just do it like a regular night and I do everything live I do the UFC live I do I used to do YouTube videos we used to do live used to stream the podcast live I've done so many shows live like what am I worried about and I'm like oh you're worried about [ __ ] up okay well don't think about [ __ ] up think about doing it the best way you can do it and the best way I could do it was like to over prepare so I prepared like crazy yeah I was in at one point in time I was doing six hours a week so I was doing three nights two shows a night headlining godam you're ready at that point after like an hour and 15 minutes of other guys killing an hour and 15 an hour and a half sometimes one time it was an hour and 45 minutes cuz the
protect our Parks guys were all with me so we all went out we were blazed we were all so drunk we were so drunk when we got there we we we hopped out of the limo and ran upstairs andw it was ridiculous at one point Norman uh got so drunk uh during the podcast that he went backstage threw up and then went to sleep so you know that backstage area like right behind the stage yeah he was sleeping up there yeah out cold so he goes up and then you know AR's hammered he goes up Brian Brian Simpson was there Tony was there like we were it was a giant crazy show so but all those shows when you're going up that late it's like running with weights on like you got to keep that momentum going you got to keep things tight so all I did was just over prepare I just really listened to a lot of recordings I I watched the video from Friday night cuz we recorded Friday night too oh great so I watched that video I was writing bits out that I knew knew but I was writing them out word for word on a notebook like over and over again and when you're overprepared I'm assuming I don't know if you Rift anything in the moment but I feel like when you are that in the pocket you're like all right now I feel comfy to shoot from the hip yeah you could just do a show like a regular show like how you would do it that's how I thought I'll just go I go I want to over prepare but I just want to do it like a regular show yeah but it's also a Regular Show in a theater which was odd because I had only done my club for a year and a half I hadn't done any other venues for a whole year and a half before Friday night I had not done any other big places wow yeah for a long ass time I think the last time I did a big place was probably one of the Arenas that I did and then I went to the club and then I stayed in the club for like a year and a half so next special you have to be like what blackout drunk or what just to mix it up no I think uh I'll do a live one again yeah it was fun it was [ __ ] terrifying but fun like at in the moment it wasn't terrifying at all I was just in the moment and all I was doing was just concentrating on staying in the moment and enjoying myself and having a good time and doing it the best I can do it and being you know real I was so prepared cuz I knew like what my
transitions were going to be I'd done that set in that order for like 3 weeks yeah I was like I was ready yeah we're going to live stream these uh Phil theater shows I think just taking a you know a page out of the kill Tony book it's like why not if people you know cuz there's only a handful of theaters we're doing but it's like there's people you know you can reach way a bigger audience doing that and um I mean it's all the fil show is all unscripted so it's like there's a little more room for you know something whatever but I don't know well there's a lot a lot of room for it but the most important thing is the most important thing is that's what people like yes they like that you're going without a net right they like it that's why they like the live kill Tony that's why they like all this stuff yeah Anything Could Happen yeah look kill Tony at its base the whole thing is there's no net you know it's like you're going to go up some guy went up in Mass Square Garden the first time he ever went on stage ever ever I know that's [ __ ] so crazy man that's so crazy I mean what a mind [ __ ] that must be to walk out in front of and by the way those people are harsh those people are [ __ ] mean I was going to ask you how do you feel with like a joke in they're like so uh my mom is uh my mom my mom's my mom's weird they're like [ __ ] you boo I mean the Boo's come in so quick sometimes also they're drunk okay there's there's people out there they've been ready for the show all day they've been day drinking they probably went to a pub got [ __ ] up oh in New York yeah yeah they're walking and then they walked into this the most iconic Arena their favorite show it's live there's 16,000 people they're [ __ ] up let's go to and then some guys on stage and it's not that good you're like it's normal I PA for this especially in New York especially in New York like they're not polite if if you're if it's going south they're going to let you know but that's part of the fun cuz when it goes great they let you know too they're great laughers godamn when they were laughing they were laughing hard it was a fun show it was really fun but it's that weirdness of like it could go sideways it could be awesome but it's always going to be funny yeah it's and then you got the regular like William Montgomery
is a goddamn National Treasure bro I can't get enough of him I love him to death me too man he's so funny dude he's so [ __ ] funny and he gives it he's so I love too when people are just so he's such a kind guy guy but he's so like he just commits fully dude and he's just always in the pocket and he's always that's a tough thing too is going on like I've only been on as long panel or a or a 5 10 minute bit and it's like to go on for a minute and then however long the interview part is he's just always he always delivers I guess which is um he's a a he's a character right he's this maniacal character and you can get away with so much as that manal character I met his he's got two brothers but I what met one and he goes hi my name's dance and he goes I'm William's brother and I was like of course you are like he just had all the William like really just very intense like Noti how William hugs you oh yeah he hugs you like he might be stabbing he hugs you like a trump handshake like he pulls you in and then it's really it's weird like he's stabbing you actually that's very tense he might want to stab you what is that that's just I don't know what it is I've tried to relax him on it for several years now yeah he just hugs you and you're like am I in trouble am I in danger here what [ __ ] he's just are we jumping out of a plane why you holding on to me so tight what a writing exercise that show is to have to come up with a whole new minute every week that's bananas it's a bananas experience I mean it's such it's such a crazy job and to do it live in front of a crowd and then have it on YouTube and if you bomb it's on YouTube Forever it's like that's the ballsiest [ __ ] you can do man let me ask you this would you ever go on like now that there have been you know I've gone as a few characters Shane going on do doing Trump if there was ever a pitch to you from Tony or whoever cuz you're a good actor man and if would there ever be a world if somebody was like dude Joe let's get you up and some to come on and do like had an impression Buck pole that was like a wild person not even like a long panel thing but like a yeah I would do that like a fake you know say it have to be a person that I could actually do an impression of because I'm not that good
I I only have a few like I can do Dice and I can do Joey but it's only a few but what about an original there's a guy named Earl Strickland this this is my best impression my best impression is a professional pool player let's go for real his voice are just the way he is no there's a video of me doing an impression to him I sound exactly like him and I say the crazy he's he's a genius genius pool one of the greatest pool players of all time but like all people that are incredible at what they do they're nuts yeah almost all people that are really really good at things are out of their [ __ ] mind oh yeah and he's out of his [ __ ] mind and he's famous for things like he puts like ankle weights on his wrists when he plays and tapes up his fingertips and puts like shooting goggles on meanwhile he's like one of the greatest pool players that's ever lived wow so he has all these like gadgets and [ __ ] he does but I do this impression to him play it for me because you got to hear him talk Califoria Mr Earl Strickland ladies and gentl my bud how you doing tonight pool is a beautiful game played by ugly people okay first of all how are you going to play pool if you're not properly equipped where's your beekeeper outfit you don't have no ass weights I don't see you and waiters what are you doing you have goggles on no then get the [ __ ] off the table so this is wow dude you got to listen to the guyes sound like you but listen to the guy that's like if that guy was famous yeah I could do like a whole tour as him oh my God that's your next chapter I could do a tour of pool halls oh my God meet and greets with that but that's the only one I could do that good well here's the thing even that voice I'm like dude that's a kill Tony guy you see that guy coming on right this is him tournaments every week you know it was just the best players in the world playing you know bro you nailed it I know how to do his V was a beautiful game played by a bunch of ugly people the stash bro yeah he's a wizard now is he is he so famous that like a biopic is in the works if something happened they could do a Bop pick for earol Strickland and I could play earol Strickland I can't play as good as earol Strickland and not not not built like
girl strickling but I could definitely do an stricking oh my God he' be so mad at me have wait so you met him yeah yeah I met him he was happy when I met him I ran into him and he was like why are you picking on me I go dude I'm a giant fan it's the only way I could do an impression of you that good I'm I'm a huge fan and we became friends like friendly but then I tried to get him on the podcast and he doesn't want to come on he's he's mad at me for something doing his voice like did [ __ ] saying videos did a podcast saying that he like turned me down that he didn't want to do my podcast like okay God I okay I'm only a fan yeah I'm only telling I only I only joke it around because I think you're awesome is pull your oh man how do I ask this question not Vice number one hob number one like if you had the ideal day like a joint a show you know and maybe post show for however long and you're hanging obviously I know you like your dinners and whatnot but like is pool your true like you're in your happy place Zen well it's just a to me it's like a game that's also a mind cleanser so there's certain things and the social aspect of it right yeah yeah yeah social as well if you're hanging around a pool hall for sure also it's like pool players are also obsessed with it the way you're obsessed with it so you could talk about stuff that you can't talk about with other people like tip millimeter sizes and carbon fiber shafts and [ __ ] nobody wants to talk about that but the pool players can't wait to talk about so you're talking about these weird aspects of the very particular aspects of this game but while you're doing it when you're just trying to concentrate on running out just trying to concentrate on putting that Q ball perfect for the next ball perfect for the next you're thinking three balls ahead you're you're plotting your lines and you you're going you there's no room for anything else there's no room for oh I forgot to call that guy back oh I got to do this oh I got to do that oh I didn't do this today there's no room while you're shooting it's a mind cleanser so all the things should I do this should I do that all that goes away yeah and it just cleans your mind out because it requires all of you to make a hard especially on tight pockets a long shot on tight po it requires all of you
to stay in line have your stroking arm follow through smooth have the proper grip on the Queue where you're not gripping it too tight you got to like you're cradling it like a little baby bird like a little baby bird in your hand and you're just letting that Q weight and the the acceleration from your arm push through that ball and you want to watch that spin as it collides with the other ball and moves perfectly to the next ball that requires all of you so while you're doing that it cleans your head out dude strickling you're just making me realize is like Bob Ross for pool the way that you described all that I was like dude that all made sense you just basically broke down pool in the most beautiful way and it really is there's so much finesse there's so much like strategy there's so much there's athleticism involved the there's a little bit of body control I wouldn't call it athleticism but you have to have execution you have to be able to execute the shots and that requires like a finesse that's learned over thousands and thousands and thousands of shots I thought I was going to be a pro pool player at one point my mom my mom was a uh uh single mom four jobs ran an assisted living homes um you know uh activities that was one of the jobs like the uh bringing you know our school choirs and then just coming up with games for him and so I'd go there for a lot of times after school and there was a guy that was like I don't know the [ __ ] janitor who knows if this guy even like worked there but all of a sudden I'd always be upstairs with him playing pool and my sister and uh and he just like was so good and would like show us trick shots and and I got so into it it one of those things you got so into for like 3 four years and then I don't know girls yeah but if you got someone who's good that showed you how to do it right that's huge I always think back every now not always but think back to like oh man what if I like had really made that a a thing cuz I I mean who knows where I was but all I know is I was playing like anything as a kid right I was playing all the time uh to where I was like oh man what if that was like that would have been crazy if I knew you from the pool World instead of the comedy world that would be crazy I know right yeah then you probably would
have had this thing in your head like I think I could do comedy oh yeah I think I could do it you know that thing that you you had in your head before you ever started doing it like that little voice it's like maybe you should do comedy oh that was me on the bus impersonating doing Ace Ventura uh scenes cuz I was a fat so I was a fat kid and then I was getting teased all the time blow up look at you you handsome bastard fat kid trying to take care of myself I'm try I'm trying to take care myself the guy in it too remember the fat kid in it to comes back buff and handsome in in it to you don't remember I watched it the other day uh in the in it one the chubby kid who gets cut up by the bully yeah remember that yeah and then in it two now he's a stud he's got like a six-pack beautiful man like something happened oh yeah we're still working on that but yeah you got to glow up uh I appreciate it yeah well it was I was getting teased all the time so it was fed and then I started making friends laugh and they were like oh you're the funny kid so I was like oh this is making them laugh which feels good and then it's also changing the way they're looking at me which I felt like a crazy superpower I mean this sixth grade there and I was just uh you know I just was like oh I got to chase this then so then it was you know but I was doing it naturally I wasn't going out of my way to do it it just came like I was I'd watch Ace Ventura then I was like oh I want to you know do that to a couple friends on the bus and now I'm like telling stories and then I would prank call Seattle sports radio stations and record it on like my My First Sony and play it for friends on the bus and they'd be like just seeing them laugh was fun or prank call One of the first things I did was there was a girl in our class that everybody had a crush on and me too but she was like you have bigger tits than me why would I like you and uh so I called my buddy who she ended up dating and pretend to be uh her as I called him with other friends kind of diabolical Jesus you could do an impression of her is that good in fourth grade yeah maybe my voice I didn't sound like this fourth grade right that's insane dude so even back then you were doing that yeah impersonating teachers and whatnot and then uh yeah hilarious
but then but the but the uh the chasing of it was which is why I was telling somebody this the other day Jim Carrey when he came through when he was Scouting For I'm Dy up here at the comedy store and I had never met him and he's walking through and Adam gets walking him through and you know that movie was so influential on me Jim Carrey and general but like how much I was like you know involving it in making people laugh he walks was it a movie or was it a television show Ace Ventura no no the The Comedy Store thing oh a television show on Showtime right yeah okay so he's coming through the back bar I think he was going to do roast battle and I'm saying in the back bar uh or the main bar at the store and uh and he walks through and Adam's like hey Adams Jim Cary and I go uh and Jim goes okay man and then keeps walking I was like and uh Rob the bartend was like dude you [ __ ] what was that and I was like I couldn't I communicate and then I I put it all together and I was like oh dude like I'm sure subconsciously in that moment I was like oh dude this guy you know whether it was all about it or not like me just telling you all the stuff about the movie and influencing me and and giving me the confidence to like want to try to make people laugh he was your Jesus yeah I mean in a weird way Jesus I mean I think so man put me on the track to trying to and now that's my life I don't know maybe I'm getting too heady about it no you're not getting too heady no I I appreciate what you're saying I that's exactly what it is like he is the guy that started the spark right he's the guy that inspired you doing impressions of him getting laughs is what you down the road yeah yeah so you meeting him was a freakout yeah he should be used to freakouts by now like you're [ __ ] Jim car dude you but I bet he gets bugged out by people that don't act normal around him sure you know I mean he's probably so tired of it yeah maybe he appreciate that and then Adam later was like dude you [ __ ] froze in front of Jim Carrey man that's a great dude he was right there I don't know he's probably coming back he saw Santino so he'll be bad he hasn't been here in 30 years now he's definitely not coming back cuz you [ __ ] stared at him
weird Adam shut out shout out Adam eot that's a perfect Adam eot but you know those guys I think that being that famous for that long is like radiation poisoning I think so you know I think you have to have a very unique Constitution to live near Chernobyl oh yeah and I think that a guy that's that famous for that long probably goes a little in Wild yeah and he also like became insane I think when he was doing Andy caufman he behaved like Andy Dr in for like a year [ __ ] don't me for you I I need to be taking a pay like what if that happens to me with this Phil thing no yeah I know I can separate no you you separate you you're talking to me before you went on stage you Phil you just you you were just yourself can you imagine [ __ ] if I was just like Joe you excited for tonight's show I would understand I'd go yes yeah Phil what's up tell Jay I said hi [ __ ] they should have done it dude you uh that coat you were wearing that night where like you were I mean it was incredible dude and you look like with the your Shades and that jacket where I just wanted to be ridiculous cuz we're at Madison Square Garden I love it dude yeah you were adding to the show yeah it just to me felt like this is so big I should dress Preposterous I feel Preposterous I ask where you get a jacket like that uh Nordstroms let's go shout out to Nordstroms let go I got a it's uh it's not no animals died in the making of that jacket couple couple Muppets maybe a few seals probably choked to death on the oil that Spilled Out yeah I mean is that even eco-friendly when people have like fake fur I guess they think that it causes less death but I wonder if overall it does I wonder if like what is the amount of Life lost through the prochemical production of nylon versus beaver trapping what how many things live lives get lost because of the the actual production of fake leathers and and Plastics and chemicals how many how many things go into the ocean how many how many things die because they get poisoned by the runoff yeah how many where are these things made Let's Ask Siri right what where is this stuff made is this stuff made in some third world country that doesn't have any environmental regulations and they're
just dumping this waste into the river which we know has happened is it like but you feel better cuz you're wearing a fake fur like I'm not sure I know I'm not sure I think we might be better off just using real fur maybe I bet we are yeah but it's just cruel the idea of killing an animal just for its skin is just cruel pretty wild yeah it's wild but I mean we kill them for food it's weird be like there's places that are fur free zones now okay right you like States like places you can't sell furs I bet you could still wear them it is America yeah but here's the thing you can't sell fur I think you can't sell fur in parts of Los Angeles see if that's true sounds about right I think they put a ban on selling fur but you can still sell leather do you know how [ __ ] insane you are when you have animal skin on almost everything you have animal skin on the inside of your car you have animal skin on your shoes you have animal skin on your belt you have animal skin in your wallet you have animal skin everywhere if it's better it's leather upholstered look look at this beautiful leather upholstery it's better if it has leather so you have animal skin every everywhere as long as there's no fuzz on it fur sales are illegal in California uh 2019 State of California became the first state to ban fur States governor Gavin Newsome signed into law ab44 which bans the sales and manufacturing of new clothing and accessories made from fur I get it I get people wanting to be kind and not kill an animal for its fur I totally understand where you're coming from but it is a little weird that we're okay with Lea yeah it's a little weird and don't ban leather you [ __ ] that's not my point my point is shut the [ __ ] up and let people do whatever they want to do like I don't I don't think you should ban Furs I don't want one I'd rather have a fake one you know what do you think about the Tex because I feel bad yeah but I mean but I get it if I was living in a place where they couldn't like where did it all come from right it came from that was the only way to stay alive people wore big ass fur coats because it protects you they don't wear fur coat the Inu don't wear fur coats cuz it looks cool they want to stay alive yeah it's warmth yeah
that's all it is it's the best way to stay alive especially when you're getting it from these animals that you're killing yeah like that's literally how you get your clothes and your food it's from these animal that's the the origin of it all now it's like a weird thing because you're wearing it to show everyone you're a baller you come in in a full length mint coat what's up player like my ostrich hat yeah you just you have feathers on your cap from some exotic bird that lost it [ __ ] life so you can look like a pimp and you just just to go to the Clippers gameing style wearing gold all over your your hands py diamonds carved out of the ground by child labor you know and you just glittering and Shining you have to you have to walk in like that by the way yeah if you got a coat you got to walk in like this even though the coat's doing the talking for you but my friend Bill had one I put one on once I was like oh my God this thing's amazing we were in Aspen and he had a m coat I go what is that what is that coat let me try that on I put it on like oh my god wow this is amazing it insulates you so perfectly you're just like pimp Pimp's made mint coats popular is that I don't know who made m co popular but they're popular with Rich ladies Rich ladies yeah it's Rich ladies and then it's like I think Pimp's caught on like because was it went lot of Joe namoth didn't Joe Joe namoth like famously wear like a coat yes yeah baller [ __ ] baller [ __ ] it does it looks yeah but back then people didn't think twice cuz everybody was just trying to stay alive we were just trying to not starve to death they didn't give a [ __ ] about those animals and once things got soft and sweet and people started doing way better you know and Society you know it's like you don't have to worry about starving to death everybody's like hey why are we killing these little animals for their fur let them live a family what do you think about the Taxidermy stuff like the full-on people that have like rooms with just I don't on creature do that with animals I hunt because I like what's called a European mount and a European mount is the skull with the antlers on it just the actual skull I know what it looked like I don't want a fake representation of it on my wall it's basically a doll the first of all
the people that do it are amazing and the Art of it is pretty incredible because it is an art form what you're doing is you're you're using this mold right so you have a mold that's roughly the size of the Torso of the animal you killed they have a photograph of the animal that you killed and then they take the skin from the animal that you killed and mold it around this foam and do it so perfectly that it looks just like the animal they put fake eyes and they they do it all up and it's got the antlers from the actual animal on it and they've they've made a fake version of this animal that you killed I get it I get it but it's not for me right also I don't know I feel like I would get pretty baked in my own house and have some some late night freakouts at some of these uh things that look super a buddy of mine has a Full House of them he's um his name's Doug he lives in Jersey and uh but he's into it for the yeah the the artistic like he he says it's beautiful it's got this big um J Jamie you don't have that thing I was going to show Joe do you the little trailer so Joe I made this doc uh called Doug about my friend who in um uh was a lifeguard when he was 21 in the 70s jumped into a pool in Jersey to save a kid who was faking drowning and he ended up being paralyzed from the uh neck down and his brother Brian who was in accountant quit doing that to save his brother mentally physically who was in the hospital wanted to die was like leave me even the pool I don't want to live like this he was a college a football star uh you know going to be a lawyer uh Brian uh not only gets him physically fit and mentally stable you know to a place to where he wants to live gets him so strong that he enters uh the par Olympics ends up becoming the World Champ setting all the world records gets on a cover of a wedi box travels world with Michael Jordan Joe Montana Bo Jackson speaking to people all over the world becomes a criminal uh lawyer helps get the Disability Act going and so I meet Brian who's now who's now a physical therapist to the stars in New York and uh and he goes he's telling me about his brother he's like dude you got me my brother this guy's a [ __ ] He's incredible come to New Jersey and me my brother you can hear him it's it's it's good as your
strigl impression and so I go to Jersey and I see his place he shows me all his pictures and videos of him with the Pope and Christopher reev and and uh reg and Kathy Lee and I'm like holy [ __ ] is this stock out already yeah it's on YouTube and I just it's a one minute trailer let's see the trailer let's see the trailer thanks brother so I directed this the first thing I the Doug air story from the wedi Cal box to the electric it was 1978 when Doug air as a lifeguard drove into a pool to save a drowning boy when I dove in this stand kicked back and my head hit the bottom of the pool there's no problem I don't feel my legs I I don't feel anything I'm screaming to the guards come on come on my life it like ended and began right at that moment my brother he goes you're not going to get cor your arms and he he would duct tape one lb wrist weights to my hand they told me about uh Wheelchair Sports he goes out of the field breaks the first world record breaks the second world record breaks the third ja shoper disc dug a we never thought we'd see that never and then I got a phone call soon his picture will be pasted on 3 million boxes of the stuff you see my brother on the face of my we but so cool where does it go from there you know hold down get dirty in life and get back up again and that's the J and you can't beat the parking just remember that dude that's badass crazy story that's a crazy story what so I went out there and I was like I least got to film the interviews and their mom just passed with Brian Doug and uh because the story of the the brother uh you know just being there for Doug is wild and inspiring and I don't know you know having that amount of pictures and video to accompany any doc I feel like is pretty uh imperative and it was overwhelming so I was like I'm going to come out at least interview you guys and then took a couple years to put it all together um but it's on my YouTube channel youtube.com/ adamr comedy I tried to pitch it a few places didn't really have enough juice and then I was like I'm just going to put it up because I want them to it should be out there um a movie on that story I mean it's wild Joe I I'll text you a link it's only 50 minutes so that you've never D did a documentary or anything like this before
first one directed yeah that's crazy so you just got inspired because of this guy's story to put I was like I can't believe that that your story is not more I go I'm like how the [ __ ] have I not heard about this and you know talked to a few people since who been like oh I remember seeing something on the news about this yeah [ __ ] a quick news a 10-second whatever but like um and Brian's such a character uh the brother that's who I was doing the voice of that's a great impression his voice that is that is right it might be better than my ear easy but but Brian now is that's his life now so that's also crazy he dedicated his life to helping his brother and now he is to the stars in New York uh and whoever else I mean he'll be on a I flew him to Vegas once when I had a major back thing in 3 days of aggressive stretching and [ __ ] fix me and on the plane like there's a woman next to me her shoulder was [ __ ] [ __ ] up like fix his shoulder she wasn't able to do that for [ __ ] 40 years now she can and he kept telling me about Doug and I was like what did he do to her shoulder that let her I don't know just [ __ ] licked it or I don't know he just he did a little I don't know release some kind you know he's there's a name for the type of physical therapist he is but he says that it's in case people don't understand but he's a wizard man and he uh yeah so I just got I was like I need to do this does he like do raing is it that kind of stuff what's that that's that really painful kind of uh soft tissue manipulation you ever had it done no it's brutal man oh really I mean it does it's it's a that's why I say aggressive stretching it's really um but but he just a lot of unlocking things a lot of but there's days when I've seen them I stuck around New York an extra day to to get worked on and you know I get just from flying and carrying a lot of [ __ ] here my quads get real tight all the time and and so you know I'm just not stretching enough which I know I got to but you know he's like I could use two more days with you to like really get you you know loosen you up yeah but uh yeah I um I've been doing a lot of stretching lately because I I'd done a lot of like Get especially getting ready for the special I was working out a lot also to calm my mind yeah and I might have overdid a little
bit and then I just was sore man my back was sore feel on stage as you were moving around and then and I decided on Saturday no not on stage just mostly like when when I wake up in the morning I was like I'm I'm going a little too hard here but I was what it really was was I wasn't stretching enough and um everything was just tight because I was doing a lot of like kettle bell [ __ ] and it was just tight and I spent like two and a half hours on Saturday just stretching in my hotel room just stretching that's all I did I just watched some YouTube videos and stretched and I felt 100% better when I got and I was like oh you [ __ ] idiot you should be doing this all the time I know you're not putting I need to do like long stretch sessions like that all the time that's patience man two and a half hours yeah just watch YouTube just put your phone down and watch some no excuse to not I know I tell my sister that now too when she's like I need to find more time to you know exercise in this and I'm like dude you watch shows like already after work just like for even 20 minutes like walk around and just you know space out but well it's also if you want to exercise like get on a some kind of a cardio machine and watch a movie on an iPad it's a cheat code it's a how I watch anything is is on the bike it's the best way to distract yourself from the fact that you're exhausted totally if you watch a good movie with headphones on and an iPad on like a stationary bike oh yeah yeah you can enjoy the movie you actually can enjoy the movie and actually put in some serious cardio yeah and you you you'll be distracted so you won't be thinking about the fact you're exhausted on the bike you'll be thinking about oh my God don't go in the basement yeah one in the basement I can't [ __ ] believe this this movie is insane this [ __ ] movie is insane you know especially a good thriller you know oh yeah that keeps you engag yeah com what's your go I was well what's your go-to workout movie or can you not watch are you a rewatcher yes John Wick John Wick's the greatest ever workout movie whoa ever yeah yeah I have a confession haven't seen it oh my God it's like a girl saying she hasn't seen barie put up Jamie it's like a girl saying she hasn't
seen Barbie really right oh wow yeah it's the most insanely violent movie of all time it's so yeah it's so Keo it's so ridiculous and they've made 15 they need four of them yeah I think four right yeah four I remember hearing this last one it was the Talk of the Town people were like it's a fun movie but it's a really good movie to work out to because it's just so crazy because like so many people are getting killed you just like you get in those extra reps you're watching people engage Moral Combat wow yeah it's a crazy movie Mortal Kombat remember when that became a game remember when that W dude that I understood why my mom was like you you can't play video games because I remember sitting downstairs I had my B Mitzvah she goes I'm not buying you a video game system but you can use some of your Jew money to buy she didn't say that she goes she can buy some of your she can buy what if she did she goes uh you can use some of your money from gifts to buy and so I bought a Super Nintendo and then Mort and then I got I think a Sega and then mortal Com or my buddy had a Sega and we played Mortal Kombat and I remember just being like what is happening right now we went from Street Fighter which is you know throwing uh you know harats and whatnot and then just ripping a guy's [ __ ] off yeah yeah you could kill people finish him yeah you pull their [ __ ] skull out with their spine attached to it pretty cool and then just go have it [ __ ] crustable right after and it's very addictive all those games are very you ever a gamer yeah yeah yeah yeah what was your Quake but it's just because they're fun yeah it's like they're not addictive cuz they suck they're all awesome they're just too awesome like playing Quake is too awesome it's crazy fastpaced you're shooting rockets at people they're electricution you to death it's nuts you know and it's it's such an adrenaline rush that you just don't want to stop you just want to go to the next game go to the next game keep playing keep playing next thing you know you're exhausted you're dehydrated you haven't had any food in eight hours oh yeah what's wrong with you and then you have to go to bed you ly what the [ __ ] is wrong why am I still awake yeah this is
crazy I've only played um Halo a handful of times my uh younger brother is pretty obsessed but he's really good and I played it online and I was real high so I started to kind of get emotionally invested to where like I'd see guys getting shot and I was like [ __ ] I can't it was my heart was beating so fast it was too much I probably if I was sober I would have been less you lost a comrade you felt real connected to it it did I was [ __ ] up they have virtual reality ones now my friend Matt Sarah he play he plays these virtual reality which's the one that Matt plays what is that the the game he plays that population one population one so it's a VR shooter so he's running around with VR goggles on so he really feels like he's in the game and he's like get out get down they're shooting at each other and [ __ ] it's nuts oh my God he's get goggles on he's like in his [ __ ] house just moving around like security fo so you feel like you're in a war like you're you're so immersed in it this this video game is now a whole next level experience cuz just the in front of the computer is pretty involving you get the headphone phones on especially with these computer games now have 3D sound so you hear sound coming from there you know guys over there you know you run towards them smack your wife yeah yeah I mean yeah it's that's well that's another thing about these goddamn games you could beat the [ __ ] out of people like there's a lot of like what is it red dead Red Dead Redemption right yeah where you can like take someone and [ __ ] tie a noose to their neck and drag them on your horse like you do wild [ __ ] you could drown a prostitute in the river you could do wild [ __ ] and people like hey maybe you shouldn't be able to do this in a [ __ ] Dame this is a little crazy seven-year-old shouldn't be able to see that that's possible yet they shouldn't be able to beat a prostitute that with with a shovel yeah like what are you doing maybe a Super Soaker just hit her in the face or something yeah something lighter well it's just the whole game is chaos you know it's like you but you could do chaos to anybody just like Grand Theft Auto you could do chaos to anybody you know first time playing that though and driving down Sunset and seeing like The Comedy Store was pretty cool I think
Grand Theft Auto I think I've read this they were comparing the amount of money that grand theft Auto has generated versus like almost any other like Movie game like comparison to how it does to like big Hollywood Blockbusters like how much money has Grand Theft Auto generated I mean that has got to be one of the most popular games of all% that may be it's about stealing cars over 8.5 billion yo good call dude yo we'll be right back that's a [ __ ] holy [ __ ] dude that's so much money that's so much money Joe that's wild thanks for pulling that up now do you think you deserve that amount of money what have you done other than showed teenagers it's possible to beat steal and Rob from a hooker hold that thought we'll be right back do you remember the guy who used to run bum fights and he came on Dr Phil as Dr Phil he shaved his head the top of his head Joe that's what we could do you want to come on the Dr Phil live show and be that guy all you got to do is throw a stash on you that guy he [ __ ] Phil goes what are you doing and he goes what what he goes what are you doing what are you doing and he's like I'm doing I'm doing what you're doing I'm exploiting people I'm he's like I don't like it get out of here yeah get out of here there's Robin dude just kicked him off his set but it was weird right like you you knew that's what he did of course and you invited him on the show yeah he probably just didn't like him that that path of the argument that path is a legitimate path do you think he knew maybe he didn't know he was going to get into full makeup cuz I'm sure Phil's not visiting the guest right listen man this is not a surprise if you if you think if you if you think I exploit people every time you bring a guest on this show you exploit them and spread whatever problems they have to the whole world you think that's helping them yeah keep telling yourself that you can go you know what who do you think you are huh bye come on huh no I'm not finished talking to you yeah you are no I'm not yeah you are yeah you're done yeah you are don't even grab a complimentary Dr Phil hat just go I hate me right now I mean this guy yeah the thing about that guy though
is that guy um that bumfights thing was crazy it that guy paid people to pull their teeth out yeah it was there's some awful awful [ __ ] you want to talk about using YouTube for the wrong reason well it wasn't YouTube it was no these were cassettes this like vhs's maybe my first taste of bum fight when when did what was bumfights originally released on I don't believe it was YouTube I think it was pre-youtube yeah know it was sold for 22 bucks a piece so bum fight so people were either I guess was bum fights for people that couldn't get girls gone wild what like cuz those were both probably po off basically what bumfights was was a lot of [ __ ] that you see already on the internet you see how many bum fights have you actually seen on the internet I've seen so many guys that are like on heroin fist fight in the streets of Los Angeles like this like this is a shitload of videos of bums duking it out their pants fall down guy gets kicked in the head knocked unconscious there's a lot of that that you can find I get sent it all the time by Tom siguro really yeah he sends meot no the instagr yeah like terrible things that you can see people just doing to each other all over the so the thing is like this guy made a living off of it though and he was like selling these DVDs and I think we didn't want to admit that people want to see that just like we don't want to admit people want to drown hookers in Red Dead Redemption but they do they do they do want to see that they do if you let people slap each other in the face on television people will tune in oh yeah if you let people dress up like [ __ ] medieval knights and swordfight they people will watch that is 100% a fact and back then we didn't want believe that and there was no internet so we didn't we didn't really understand our nature until the internet came along dude think about two girls one cup think about porn Okay think about the amount of porn that gets digested by the average American male versus that of 1950 oh God there's a huge difference yeah there's a guys were jerking off to underwear ads okay guys were starving for things to jerk off yeah they were jerking off to memory they didn't even they had no idea really we had a lot of solid imaginations probably in the 50 60s and 7s a good
good idea in your head that's why that's all you had that's all you had and then now everyone has a phone and anyone's phone can connect to a plethora of porn sites I had a guy on my flight about three months ago no joke porn on the phone no headphones Jesus yep heard like heard oh [ __ ] my butt [ __ ] my butt oh my God and then was just kind of like like like and then saw saw this you know people kind of like turn no one wanted to citizens arrest this guy so everyone was kind of like he probably was doing it to make people uncomfortable for sure yeah cuz what is the law it was wild I mean I was two rows you allowed to do that like what's the law like where youal but right that's what I'm saying like you shouldn't be looking at his but if he can if you can hear it yeah like what is the law right cuz if like what if you're playing a podcast that's offensive what if you're playing a a podcast on your phone that makes upset and but you're playing it I have to listen to it I'm getting upset what is the law on that I feel like you're allowed to do that right so if you're allowed to say like [ __ ] that guy and [ __ ] this but you can't say [ __ ] my butt it gets a little weird right it gets a little weird cuz like it's his phone why why you even looking at what's on his phone you shouldn't be a [ __ ] your two rolls back put your headphones on how about stop paying attention to his phone but also why does he have porn on his phone and it's loud like I don't think is it a public is it almost like urinating in a public decency thing like you can't it's just like that according to the law that I'm looking up you can't p in public or watch someone talk about peeing right but can you listen that's what I'm saying like what is the law in like because are you a Peeping Tom if you're listening yeah defendant convicted of watching porn parking lot fails in constitutional challenge to public uh obscenity law watching pornography in public in public serves no legitimate purposes unless you want to [ __ ] jizz like a racehorse you're trying to get first class to turn things up and not doing so with one's window down and at a restaurant's busy parking lot in full view of families recklessly exposed pornography to young children oh well this is a little different this is like
a business and he got in there with his window rolled down and he's beaten off he might be a little bit of a freak but it depends on like was he in the corner of the parking lot away from everybody yeah like was he by himself he's like I just got to rub this out I got to make a decision right now I'm real confused you know it could have been like a mental health totally thing you know like look I'm losing my mind here this thing says the public libraries can't block porn and it's not illegal to watch not saying what this says that's crazy look at libraries staying cool and hip if that's true how many people are jerking off in San Francisco in a library right now oh I don't know a th% of the people attending the the library hundreds hundreds yeah I would certainly recommend against doing this one lawyer says but he said Missouri scroll back up yeah it said under Missouri statutes depending on the exact circumstances the prosecutor could file at least two different charges but this is Missouri every State's different with that too right but didn't wasn't the article about San Francisco or any public library yeah this is just Public Library oh it's any public Li God anywhere I almost got arrested for taking photos mooning a camera when we were like 21 or something like in y That's how crazy San Francisco is I he didn't even say San Francisco I assumed wow I just assumed right you we didn't even bring up I in my hand I'm like that has to be San Francisco that's so crazy that's how crazy San Francisco's gotten where a story comes up and it's almost like The Bernstein Bears what's that called that thing when you Mandela effect the Mandela effect yeah the burn steam bear effect yeah well it's the Mandela effect CU people thought the Mandela died in jail but he didn't right and so there's this thing like people have like a whole narrative in their head it's like a glitch in The Matrix type thing I think that might apply to this cuz it's like instantly I was like oh it happened in I would have told the story I would in my head I would would have gone on did you hear what happened in San Francisco you can watch pornography in the [ __ ] meanwhile it's every Library wow every Library that's that's is that one person making that the guy in the parking lot was in New Jersey specific of course he
is you see you saw the thing yeah duh have you had a guess what state's got to produce the most parking lot jerkers did you new JY on the top of the list hear that story about the guy it was maybe a few years ago it might actually been during Co when everyone was doing big work zooms and the guy thought he work zooms I'm sorry yeah and he uh stayed on he didn't turn his computer or sound off it was one of those things where you log on for the zoom you know the boss's like all right guys everyone's here blah blah blah and then you can just turn your screen off but he didn't turn his off he just [ __ ] hundreds of guys got caught I have a bit about it hundreds of guys got caught doing that it was uh that was that Jeffrey tubin guy the CNN guy yeah that's I guess a famous one yeah but it was like that's a r right you're fired he's back wow the tubing guys back but let's say if it was like a Jamba Juice conference and you're on zoom and you get like likely it's a rap it's it's a rap but if you're a rapper no big deal at all whoops I didn't know the camera was on sorry sorry yeah also you're welcome for getting to see some beautiful yeah I don't think no one tells you're welcome if you're getting caught doing that but it's one of those things where it's just like here's an article from the UK where it says it's debatable weather porn use even illegal it should be the best hope for prosecution currently looks to be an offense against public decency but an AR what an but what an archaic notion that sounds Now isn't that weird when was this written if the government wants to retrieve any credibility from this debacle it could order a legal review can old laws be repurposed or is new legislation required that's interesting because like when all these laws are put in place they probably never anticipated porn on the Internet no especially the way it is now great point you know you're talking about businesses that never got bailed out that's this is what imagine if I told you there was a business and this business um is going to eat up about 30 plus percent of all the internet traffic and this business is used by some ungodly percentage of men way more than it takes to elect a president right what does it take to elect a president you don't even 51% way more than 51% guys of
used pornography but yet when that business stopped making money because DVD sales went away nobody talked about a bail out of the porn just shut the [ __ ] up bail out Banks or bail out this business and that business and you know too big to fail but not the porn business everybody's like I don't even know what you're talking about I don't is it still real I didn't even know they were making porn anymore I mean I don't even watch it did you see the Ashley Madison dock what is that Ashley Madison was um oh is that the dating site yeah the affair the site for where people could have affairs oh that's right Jo it is a wild it's uh oh and they got right didn't something happen yeah they got hacked yeah and uh and so they basically it's it was yeah people signed up to have a it was a wild folk just a whole website full of wild folk just a bunch of Risk Takers just a bunch of people just a lot of people doubling down and yeah running away from the h 2:00 in the afternoon [ __ ] wild meet me at the subway yeah next to the KFC let's get wild where that my Pence mask it was uh maybe that guy was in the parking lot getting ready for one of them it was wild warming up yeah and and then they interviewed a couple couples that were all about uh that were doing it together that were just like that were sers yeah swingers are weird they like they have a missing fuse it's like there's something in them it's like it's different I met a few swingers through Brad Williams uh of course cuz swingers and little people know each other oh really there's a direct yeah there's a interesting yeah they have the same agents yeah they just S I met my first through Brad uh porn starss swingers and other little people through Brad and comedians uh but these uh these swingers were wild dude I never I mean I'm coming from small town north Seattle and like I just I just even know it's not somebody I just is in my Ze I never met and so just talking to them so normally was just wild you know what I'm saying it was I did these gigs in God I can't remember what state it was somewhere in the South it might have been Nashville so I did this gig with Ari and uh we had this guy drive us from the Club he picks us up at the hotel or at the airport takes us to
the hotel and then he's driving us to the gig and he's and everything's normal and then he eventually at the end of the weekend he's driving us to the airport and when the guy driving us to the airport he opens up about his swinger life like out of nowhere he's like you guys ever swing you know we we have a swinging uh swinging club in town and we're like swing like what do you mean he's like you know like we Wife Swap and and the like he goes He I've been doing it for a while I go you like swinging he goes oh yeah I love it yeah we swing you know my wife [ __ ] other I get I get to decide though you know like if if he's too good-looking or he's too buff I get to decide that I don't like that guy he she she can't [ __ ] that guy and we they make like decisions like that oh my God and this guy just open up to us out of nowhere by the way what preceded that conversation nothing like [ __ ] zero it's hot today huh I like swinging you guys like swinging like what out of nowhere this dude's just ch ped up about the guys he lets his wife [ __ ] it was crazy that's wild but he was one of them dudes that like had a ponytail but it was also bald like the whole thing was a mess he was chaos he was a a human just example if you bring up swinging unprovoked you have a ponytail he was a bizarre car character but it was just I've only met a few groups of people that are like really into that and one of them was in I was doing the Improv in Tampa and uh fun gig fun gig and then this this uh forsome of people were're like we're swingers you should come we have a swinger convention I'm like get the [ __ ] out of here they look like people that would be swingers you know just like just a mess just a mess Tampa is the swinger capital of the US that's it uh no joke I had a guy come up to me and proposition that's CRA me in Kansas City to uh there one I was featuring for Harland the Kansas City improv and he goes he goes man it's funny he's like you know B my wife you guys doing you want [ __ ] my wife and I was like who had never been proposed like that then she comes over what are you guys talking about I go oh he's trying to say wants to us to do something and he whatever she goes what the [ __ ] had no clue that that was even I was like oh he said and then it was
just super weird she's like Daryl what the [ __ ] why would you like I'm crazy but what the f I would never do that and I'm like oh this guy must just be going around doing that oh that's his thrill he wants someone to [ __ ] his wanted me to say yeah and then like beat you up yeah could be could be a trap it was [ __ ] wild cuz I could be set in a trap yeah who knows who knows but it's just uh that that's a weird culture but you know whatever not hurting anybody dude exactly go [ __ ] each other yeah eny they have clubs where they go and they like there's like a people [ __ ] each other some one of my friends maybe it was Cen told me he got a little bang bang party it it was like in the '90s or something like that it was told me that he went to one of those and he walked in people are [ __ ] all over the place those are things where you like drop your keys in the bow or you put your phone like right no that's like a party that they would like throw all their keys in the bowl and then the guy would reach in and pull out one of the women's Keys the woman would reach in pull out one of the guy's keys and you figured out who you're going home with wow yeah and they just swap swap wives dude I mean then that became a show yeah is that wife swapping was a show of course it was I wonder if it's real though you know those shows they [ __ ] around a lot with those shows they they manipulate reality I remembered and found this recently it's a commercial from oh Ohio where I'm from sunbubble hot tubs a hot tub place oh bro we had r a private room Jamie I love you for pulling this up we had one in Seattle called tubs bring your kids right yeah well yeah I mean kids are swimming in [ __ ] baked jizz that's drop soup in there 20 bucks an hour or something wild oh that's crazy but that's like couples that that's a very different bro we had a place like this we had tubs in near a Comedy Co near Giggles you ever play Giggles in Seattle that was the where I first did did Giggles in Seattle it did Giggles in sagus Massachusetts okay cool uh it was the one Comedy Club I guess in the 90s that uh that was thriving near the University of Washington and they a place called tubs there but we also have a place called tub Subs a sandwich place so that's all I know about I'm a little
fatet thinking about sandwiches and my friend's dad were leaving soccer practice I'd scored on my own team that was he called me a [ __ ] idiot that was a rap for me in soccer and so we're driving by and he's like uh and I see tubs I'm like oh tubs I'm like we should stop and get some food you know we just lost I scored on my own team some sandwiches sounds good and he's like oh that's not they don't do sandwiches there it was just the same name and I was like oh what happens there I was like people rent uh rent hot tubs and they go in there and just kind of hang out I was like had no clue what do you mean hang out it's like they go in there you meet somebody you bring them in you have some fun no clue and then like you know 10 years later I'm like oh people were just going there just a [ __ ] like you said just in a hot tub yeah yeah it's probably better than a hotel room for sure and it's a hot tub who does hot tub yeah people just want to go and bang it out or maybe on a date and you get a wild hair you want to go to a hot tub room how do you dude let's go how do you feel about hotel hot tubs when you on the road yeah thank you what are the odds that's clean that's dangerous I know dude that's literally you know a guy got legioner disease from a hot tub in La what is that disease oh it's like a disease that's like archaic it's like one of those old world diseases that's not supposed to be around anymore and this guy got it from hot tub find see if you can find that article I'm pretty sure it was California that it happened yeah they never cleaned my memory's a little foggy on where it was I feel like it's but maybe I'm thinking everything crazy is in California today you know I I assume that other story was from San Francisco yeah but this guy he he got in a stanky ass hot tub and he got legioner disease and [ __ ] died you can die from it bro he died yeah he died do you have it cuz if you not I saved the article yeah man I I definitely saved it on my phone cuz I was like this is the craziest [ __ ] story going rela so is in 2023 California Spa believed to be the source of an outbreak of legioner disease that caused the illness of multiple people and the deaths of two Contra Costa Health
announced Monday it has been investigating Zen Day Spa in Contra Costa California since August how about you step in [ __ ] how about don't investigate just [ __ ] test the water that's so crazy dead 11 sick in the legionary disease outbreak in Napa oh my God it's a hot tub disease yeah that's that's got to be a r man who died of Legionnaire disease from Bay Area Spa was celebrating his birthday oh god dude a hot tub birthday gone wrong it's your birthday I want to take you to the hot he had a group on oh my God so did all the other people that [ __ ] in that pond that's what's so disgusting it's probably just a combination of jiz meets [ __ ] it just becomes this monster V that kills people that are trying to celebrate their birthday what the [ __ ] yeah bring your kids bring your kids to the spot catch legioner disease what what is that what is have a health permit oh why should they it's only a spa where you're naked it's wild water why would they have a health permit why would they even check yeah a hot tub is a wild invent I mean even a public hot tub is just such a wild idea like what are you doing water that gets hot like that is so perfect for bacteria it's so wonderful if you don't have the right amount of poison in there which is what it is when you're pouring chlorine in there you're just killing everything that's alive severe pneumonia oh wow it's a severe form of pneumonia lung inflammation usually caused by infection it's caused by a bacterium known as Legion why did they name it legioner disease let's Google that because it sounds like some [ __ ] that happened in the old world it does there's a bunch of diseases that um are starting to emerge in the uh homeless community in uh Los Angeles ancient diseases no [ __ ] think they got typhus just from being disgusting the American Legion State Convention Philadelphia what okay it's it's commonly known as Legion legionellosis which is a generic term for respiratory infection caused by the legion Legionella bacteria this disease is named after a deadly outbreak of pneumonia in 1976 that occurred during people attending the American Legions State Convention in pH Philadelphia
Legionella sounds like Coachella for people that have swallowed a lot of hot tub [ __ ] so so that's why they named it Legionnaire disease because it happened during that that was the outbreak oh man wow wow yeah no thanks what is the American Legion what's that what's the convention of the American Legion do you know what that is led to the name of the Legion dises no clue but what is the American Legion veterans association wartime veteran oh my God veterans and they die from a [ __ ] disease that and then they name it after the legion wow which is like really bad for business really bad for business they shouldn't have done that to them don't call it Legionnaire's Disease don't name it after us you [ __ ] [ __ ] call it some [ __ ] weird Latin name and come up with some spooky monkey pox type definition don't call it don't name it after us imagine somebody caught pneumonia and they called it mother Shi ritis and they got mother people dying from Mothership by it's like hey you [ __ ] you be pissed don't do that it just happened to be there it's not the legionaires it's not the legion Center that was the problem they didn't do anything wrong no but they probably had some dudes that were coming back from Thailand you know what I'm saying 1,000% you know what I'm saying where does herpes get his name old dudes that come back from Thailand oh yeah with everything they go over there for like four months of the year come back looking like who knows who knows that I who knows you look it around real quick yeah yeah there was a a meme that I saw today of this uh older man uh like look he's in his 60s and he's holding hands uh with uh two hot Asian girls and it was saying something about like uh when I catch cash my VA check and I disappear don't worry about me cool cuz I'll be in some strange country oh yeah where there's rampant sex trafficking oh my God I know right I thought you by the way I thought you were going to bring up the 91-year-old who just died and who was married to A 42-year-old what are you talking about 91y old billionaire I just saw today that died well it's true love that's what's important she's probably hot as
[ __ ] she's probably super super hot as [ __ ] she was way into him let's see what he and she looked like he had a great personality I that gives me hope for the future if everything goes sideways you know like you should be men should be happy because that's even possible that you can trick hot look at that totally looks like they would like each other in Mr Bean's Dad yeah she looks like she should be married to a farmer some big old buff farmer how do how does she even meet this well I mean I guess yeah probably some billionaire dating stff yeah he uh gained Fame through high-profile dates just weeks after marrying his six wife she di yeah she got a pillow over that dude you think no yeah yeah no but if you're a woman and you know you're 40 and this guy's nice and he's worth [ __ ] $30 billion he wants to marry let's go let's [ __ ] go I can I can deal with you maybe she likes him maybe she even likes him maybe she also likes being super [ __ ] Rich totally why not she might have liked that a little bit more yeah like people were always uh about remember Anna Nicole Smith and yeah Jay Howard Marshall yeah and people like they knew what it was but guess what he knew what it was too to totally he was having a good time uh it was caused by a tough bike workout oh wow he's rushed to the hospital with crippling back pain uh with a ruptured heart valve wow he blew his heart out probably thinking about [ __ ] her 1,00% yeah like I'm GNA give it to her tonight 49 year age difference so what Let It Go oh look at that one right there is that her previous prev oh the previous one damn let me see that one that one's even more Preposterous no scroll up so I can see oh this guy's been doing it forever that's the most Preposterous one that's perfect that's what I like to see it does give me hope I see that yeah cuz could be disgusting also gives me hope that it like I don't know how old he was 80 90 but like bam that's what that's what I'm talking about well how about the even like Betty White before she passed was saying how like she was like I think at 99 maybe that like there was some article I read and she was just like talking about like still banging it out wow yeah dude wild those old old ladies don't give a [ __ ] oh no they're
not worried about your approval anymore dude that's she'll tell you who she [ __ ] she'll tell you who she [ __ ] who's that guy who owns the Raiders got like a really hot 24-year-old girlfriend oh yeah um he's got that crazy mo haircut yeah dude that guy what a guy's a character he looks like a he truly looks like a Nickelodeon cartoon character didn't he is he having a baby is that what's going on I don't know well the or is it and Bill bel's got a young girl I mean Pacino's got I mean [ __ ] dude Pino's a dad at 92 or whatever is that sounds normal sounds totally normal seems like it's going to work out what the [ __ ] it's so yeah it's so I think Pino wanted to take a paternity test too to make sure it was his like what I'm shooting live rounds yeah at [ __ ] 90 years old how's that possible yeah it can't be but it is yep that's the crazy thing about men men can keep having babies when they're geriatrics but women like nature says that's rap they get to a certain age they go through menopause and that's a wrap but the dudes can just keep impregnating gals look is Bam son what's up dude he looks like he I mean this guyam yeah wow mystery woman oh she's a mystery woman she's a mystery she's hot that's not a mystery congratulations sir good for him yeah you did it there's a fun thing about but when you see it the other way you get creeped out yeah like if you saw Betty White with like Thor you'd be like what the [ __ ] what's going on there that's kind of gross yeah why are you doing that to that old lady yeah you'd be worried about Betty White yeah yeah are you having sex with her the way you would have sex with a young lady cuz that's disturbing yeah that's tough what are you doing to her can she even take that kind of abuse maybe she could Jesus maybe she wanted it maybe she's just one of them old school ladies and immigrant ladies with strong bones oh God stiff spine Harland used to do a joke when I would open for Harland he would do a joke where he'd go he'd take somebody's tortilla chip out of the front uh uh front row and you go here's my impression of a 75-year-old woman having sex and then he would just crinkle the chip into the mic and it was like it
sounded exactly like everything breaking and uh yeah yeah sounds wrong right but like an old guy like having sex with a hot young lady like go pops kind of a cool way to go out too yeah sure I guess yeah actually yeah maybe not then I guess everyone's looking at you like oh you couldn't you couldn't keep it together enough there it is oh this is the one she's not they're not this was a like a weird oh it's wildly untrue yeah well of course it is people love saying silly [ __ ] that's not true hopkins's pictured sitting next to Davis in December 2022 fueling rumors the two were romantically involved but they're not but we're hoping we're hoping that he can get a gal like that that's what it is right you're hoping you're not going oh my God cuz he's so old that he's passed the creepy into the novelty yep right so there's a creepy verm the creepy version is like you know a guy who's in his 60s is dating a girl who's 20 right that seems creepy but if a guy's in his 70s he's dating a girl his 20 it's like okay okay yeah it's so ridiculous why is yeah a little more acceptable it is what it is I know you know it is what it is you know what it is I know what it is everyone knows what it is stop acting like you don't know what it is he probably knows what it is too know he lies to himself that's fine that's we all know what it is that's his deal so when it's 60 and 20 or 50 and 20 we feel like that person is probably taking advantage of that 20-year-old potentially potentially Maybe not maybe she's a real mature 20 sure that could be possibly loves I can deal with that but there's a weirdness if it's like a 60-year-old guy and a 20 that makes me creeped out oh my God that's too that's too old oh yeah but if it's a 70y old guy and a 20-year-old you're like e it's okay dude my buddy went to school and there was a 45-year-old dating a 20-year-old in their uh in in college that that felt very weird but it wouldn't be weird if it was a 20-year-old guy this is my problem with it all like a 20-year-old let's assume that men and women are equal right a 20-year-old man and a 45y old lady is great like no problem like look at her she got a hot young guy like no one cares at all yeah at all it would be
weird but not weird where you would think oh that lady's a creep no right no but like a 49y old guy and a 20-year old girl you're like hm may I mean maybe same thing with the teachers I'm not I'm not one to tell people what to do no but if it was the other way around like share like share is what how old is share now don't ask a lady your age Adam how old is she she's 77 w i was say's 37 wow okay but listen that doesn't bother me at all right that is what it is too yeah right it is what it is you know what it is yeah you know what it is you know what it is you what it I know what it is know she knows what it is everyone knows what it is we all know what it is we all know and we're fine with it we're fine with it but it's just you can still go about your day and eat pizza let them live their life so like a 49y old lady and a 91y old guy like fine let me ask you this when you heard about Mary Kay lero that in Seattle where I'm from and that was the first teacher that like was [ __ ] around with a kid that was I mean that age Gap was like I think 35 and 12 but also she listen she's the first teacher to get caught there it is yeah they were there's freaks all over this [ __ ] planet wow freaks there's women that are just as cing some men are crazy and some women are crazy and some women are crazy and they have great features yeah and they're just nuts and they want to blow the whole football team and they don't give a [ __ ] who tells who what who cares they got into teaching for that reason well who knows why they got into teaching but they're crazy people then some people just have no impulse control and they want to get teenagers drunk and maybe they want to relive their high school and freak these young boys out and suck their [ __ ] wow yeah suck their [ __ ] in front of their friends like can't believe it's happening you imagine see the math teacher got her tits out and she's blowing you you're like what am I seeing how is this even real I don't know what I would do bro and they're always in Florida how many of them like if I hear a story like that like I think of another story in San Francisco if it's a teacher [ __ ] her students like probably Florida some hot blonde with big tits Tampa teacher took the pickle ball team oh Jacksonville no
Tampa yeah the swinger State swinger State it's there something in the water out there it it's probably alligator farts turned everybody confused some methane in the air from alligator's fart and it's got everybody high they are fearless down there yeah hurricane warnings they don't give a [ __ ] well they do give a [ __ ] but there's not much he can do well choose to live down there like that is the [ __ ] gamble you play but don't you ever see those stories when like there like a th000 mph winds coming through and then some guys just like I ain't going anywhere I built this house yeah he's ready to die some people just ready to check her out it and if God's going to take him out by flattening their house Su out of your house they're like I'm not leaving I don't want to go anywhere I don't respect that yeah maybe the car doesn't have any gas they don't have any money for gas you know if you're going to drive away from a hurricane you are going to have bumper-to-bumper traffic for a day you ever been that you seen it oh yeah did you you ever get stuck in one of those oh yeah oh yeah like just a big pile up for hours and no like a hurricane hricane oh [ __ ] no it's a unique pileup because the whole State's trying to leave like the highways are not set up where everybody can leave the highways are set up for normal stuff so you're better normal stuff is you're going there but I'm going there we're not all going there so if everyone's going there wow dude we might need to spark that back up you got think about that normal traffic is we we're all going all over the place I got to go to the east you got to go to the West that's fine we can have multiple cars going there rarely is everybody going all going that way oh yeah that's [ __ ] that is so [ __ ] look at this dude this is what it's like 56 hours on the road to escape from Hurricane Irma 56 hours that's what that looks like that's why you don't live there you don't live there unless you have a [ __ ] private jet or a helicopter get you the [ __ ] out of there because if you get stuck in that [ __ ] and aru less safe right or I don't know it depends on when you leave okay cuz the thing about the the modern storm the the way they're the meteorologists and the way they're able to predict the
paths of these things they're pretty good they're pretty [ __ ] accurate and they see them coming pretty far away so they you get a couple of days but that's 56 hours 56 [ __ ] hours like that's what it looks like so nothing is set up for that dude nothing is set up where see they have both lanes on both sides going this way no one's going the other way you notice that so they changed the lanes so instead of on the right lane people going forward and this one they're going back nope everyone's going the same [ __ ] way that's wild yeah yeah no amount of podcast can get you through that drive or roadhead like but you might not have the money for the gas right okay like you're going to run out of gas going pull over and get gas you better hope they have gas cuz a lot of times they run out of gas in a lot of places they run out of gas and there's hurricanes so you have to have a full tank you have to make sure your car's not a gas guzzler you're going to have to shut it off maybe because you're stuck in the middle of this [ __ ] road it's not going anywhere cuz there's 10 million people on the same road that's a mind that people don't take into consideration when they think about living in places like that you have to take into consideration the fact that everyone has to go in One Direction not good and Florida is shaped like a dick right so it's a narrow ass [ __ ] State and everybody's going towards the north that's what's scary about La too even with these like last few earthquakes happening I'm like oh man dude like it's it we're just not set up in a uh a leave town EAS no La is not set up like that at all for example Texas 146 which travels through Liberty County dumped 600,000 people into a county with only 70,000 residents oh that makes sense dude you know how insane that is 600,000 people in a place that only has 70,000 residents that's crazy thousands of people ran out of gas their cars overheated from all the inching along causing many to stop and sleep along the highway the even reports of price gouging by convenience store owners inundated with customers crazy the death of 24 ba nursing home residents who died when their chartered bus caught fire and exploded at about 6:45 a.m. oh my God CL traffic clog so the car overheat and
caught fire yeah so that's happening just with the influx of people right there's just cars popping off and dude when you're when you got to get the [ __ ] away from a hurricane that is have you been in one or any sort of tornado not like that no nothing like that hurricanes that had made it all the way like Gloria made it all all the way to Boston when I was a kid um that was a that was a but it wasn't you go a shelter and all that no it wasn't that scary it wasn't by the time it got all the way up to Boston it wasn't it was nothing like the tropical ones the ones where you're catching them hot off the ocean yeah and you're you're getting those [ __ ] Florida Keys those [ __ ] Miami ones like bro those are bananas take you down I was a rainstorm once in Miami where the whole highway had a stop whole highway stopped cuz you couldn't see anything you couldn't see a goddamn thing the whole highway stop it's wild how long people will drive still too with you when you just can't see no no one was driving it was so bad no one was driving I was doing a gig in Miami Eddie Bravo was doing a Jiu-Jitsu seminar in Miami I was doing a gig in West Palm that's what it was and I had to go down and travel to Miami with them we had to stop on the highway stop dead the whole highway oh my God it was white you couldn't see anything that's a apocalypse [ __ ] it's just how long that wasn't that long because they just dumps and then it goes away in a few minutes and it becomes passable where it's just raining now it's not so insane that no one can see right but you've never seen that before if you've never been in like a tropical place that was a normal rainstorm that wasn't like a hurricane warning right they just get so bananas you can't [ __ ] see a car in front of you you can't see anything that's so [ __ ] nuts yeah dude I had to go into a shelter once a tornado my grandparents and mom from Oklahoma and when they were living there we went into the shelter tornado people like we were down there with people that were just like we might have to live down here this could be the new no this like it was my grandparents few of their friends and people that were just like went to this shelter and I'm [ __ ] 10 surrounded by true doomsday guys that were just like this is where we live now like you might need
to and you look like you're the fattest kid here Young Adam so we might need to be chopping on those beef jerky titties it was wild but just to even just the idea that like oh running away from this was uh was wild cuz Seattle we didn't have any of that growing up we just had you know torrential rain or whatnot one time when we were at the Nashville Airport we had to go into the tornado shelter there was tornadoes in Nashville but nothing happened right we got lucky that that's the craziest one the craziest one is tornadoes because you can't even predict those oh yeah dude those just show up you see Twister no I didn't I didn't see the new I saw the old one I didn't see the new one I heard the new one's good it's wild is it good it's awesome yeah the effects are wild dud what they can do now is like compared to the old twister oh my god dude yeah Helen hun you believed Helen Hunt was in danger right we were very concerned for hen hunt damn and now you're uh I mean it's I thought about going to one of those theaters I want to know how you feel about this the ones that like shake the seats and [ __ ] that yeah no thanks [ __ ] that with all these people freaking out around Meine go to see a [ __ ] horror movie and she she the seat is shaking oh yeah people would start screaming no thanks it's too real too much of a mind [ __ ] yeah maybe in some movies would be cool you know well when I worked at Universal Studios they had a uh Shrek 4D and so like when Shrek or when donkey would sneeze you get you know blown with snot stuff people like that but that's a theme park you know I hosted The Fear Factor live show at Universal for a little bit yeah that's hilarious and uh it was not anything close to your show but it was like you know but i' you'd have to make people think like you know the first St was like these guys are going to be hanging on to these uh you know buy handlebars 30 ft in the air and there's a platform below them and when the platform drops out you hear the sound effect they gotta hang on and but they're attached to a bungy bungee cord so there's no real danger involved I mean and then it was the only real thing that was kind of close to the show uh was the eating of stuff it was like we have this picture of like sour milk and
you know Beaver clits and just all this it was just crazy [ __ ] and one guy projectile vomited on me and I said what the [ __ ] into the mic in front of 1500 kids and I got suspended for a week because I curs in front of kids but you throw up in your mouth yeah dude what do you want Perfection you got a Fear Factor show dude that's hilarious though that you hosted that it was nuts dude I mean it was very I mean dude the show was ludicrous dud it's a Mary [ __ ] Hill that is uh that did you ever go to Universal when you were there with the kids and everything yeah sure yeah I probably saw you I was Wolverine there for three years I did you know what I used to love it Universal the um uh the zombie place oh my God it was awesome [ __ ] what am I thinking Walking Dead The Walking Dead The Maze that they would have yeah that's fun it's incredible that's fun that's pretty scary we had during Halloween Horror Nights before they put a clamp down on it but I dressed up as Scarface zombie so I was Pino zombie so walk go H and just chasing people around scared them and uh oh [ __ ] dude is that you Wolverine that's me dude for about four years that's hilarious yeah the um Scar the [ __ ] out of people Universal has a great Water World thing too like Water World the movie it was not that good but Water World the like show Universal it's [ __ ] great it's better than the actual water world right isn't it crazy B on a movie that turned out to be a tremendous flop that's insane they and they put together a theme show for a movie that was a tremendous flop but the theme show is so good that people still come to see it about a movie that no one cares about bro it's wild they they spent so much money on waterw millions of dollars maybe billions one of those things where it sounded Lo yeah just didn't work out it didn't work the pitch sound must have been like so just it's like Last of the Mohicans on water and the guy from Field of Dreams and Tin Cup I like it jet skis jet SK dude there were days when you'd see people dude some of my Universal days were I'd see a guy dressed as SpongeBob I mean I was a 1940s cop was the best job I had there because I wasn't from anything I'd improvise as Wolverine and
make and do bits and my boss was like Wolverine's not funny stop doing [ __ ] stand up cuz I'm doing open mics at this time so my 1940s cop walking around can make fun of people do whatever and at one point I I picked up a squirt gun uh that was on a kiosk was like 120 out and I'm just shooting people with it and doing all these bids and Japanese tourists would walk by and I'd shoot this one guy in the back and then all these people are watching me and I'd be like act like I didn't know what was happening and my boss pulls me over and she goes what are you doing this is 1940s New York this part of the park there's a a New York people out of the window there's a cabbie you're supposed to be making people think this is 1940s New York and I go um Jenna with all due respect a trolley just drove by with fival Curious George and SpongeBob SquarePants blasting the song O E A ching chang wala wala bing bang and I was like I'm not a h a history buff but I'm pretty sure that song wasn't also a part of the 40s and she's like it's your job to make people think that this is 1940s New York and I was like [ __ ] I got to get out of here Jesus your job to make people [ __ ] what does that mean and I was like people were walking out thinking that that I didn't make them think that this is then they shouldn't be in the park in the first place that's ridiculous L that's funny that's like uh people that go to those um fairs those Renaissance Fairs and then some people like break character and then the other people like try to talk to them in character you ever see that happen oh yeah oh it's hilarious oh yeah I broke character all the time dude John Dave Matthews came in one time with his family I'm in full 1940s cop and he's like is there way I can get a beer and I was like yeah come with me come there's one Irish Pub down here I'll take it to it and I just seen him the night before I go dude you guys [ __ ] crushed it last night and he goes oh [ __ ] he goes can you break character I go dude I don't want to be here [ __ ] yeah and then I went he he offered to get me a shot of this bar and I was like dude you ruined the experience for him ruined it for Dave Matthews he's like he's breaking character this is [ __ ] I wanted to get the cop thing I I paid for the cop
thing I paid for the cup thing this is [ __ ] yeah dude Dave Matthews that's funny cool as [ __ ] that whole Universal rides thing is the the best thing is the Harry Potter thing th% that [ __ ] roller coaster with the dragons oh yeah dude oh my God it's incredible you don't get sick from those no yeah no I'm lucky I don't have the motion sickness though the motion sickness thing is a weird one you can't read in a car you can't you know what a yeah just Dramamine is your [ __ ] cocaine you can throw up from reading in a car which is real weird your brain gets so confused like why am I looking at something that's stationary when I know my body's in motion I know doesn't make sense your body does not like it yeah at all and your body's like you must be sick you have to tell it I'm not sick [ __ ] I'm looking at my phone I know you know yeah I tried to read a book once in a car and uh I was fighting off the nausea I was like don't be a [ __ ] and then I I was like my God you can't fight it anymore it was like just happened yeah no I did I held it in oh you did but I was like you know where it like comes up in your throat and you have to swallow it back down and it burns your throat you know those feelings that was right there I had a kid have to do that in science class he had chew 8th grade and the teacher found him Mr Moore CAU Joe in ton rip and he had a big thing of chew in his mouth and Mr Moore goes Mr Anon he's a little he looked like David The Gnome huge beard you couldn't see his eyes barely his beard came up to here big uh [ __ ] um uh you know fro and he goes Mr antonich I see that Chew in your mouth and he was like I don't know what you're talking about he goes swallow made him swallow it dude puked right after that's crazy wish that story was better i' would be mad at that teacher you can't make my kid swallow chew you [ __ ] idiot in [ __ ] 1995 dude bad for you really bad for you Mr give a [ __ ] poison Mr Morgan you piece of [ __ ] how about you shave your stupid [ __ ] face too [ __ ] you could tell this guy I mean he was a tiny little like science that you could tell like I don't know he didn't give a [ __ ] he was going to well they don't like kids [ __ ] around yeah I get it but kids are going to [ __ ] around you got to be a little bit more even keeled can't
make kids swallow tobacco you [ __ ] idiot it's pretty wild now that I'm saying it out loud it's crazy well when I was in school they used to paddle you when I lived in Florida the [ __ ] out of here yeah yeah you get in a fight they paddle you and they whack you in the ass with a a piece of wood in front of people no it was just the principal the principal would paddle you Jesus that was weird fetish it was just like this is no it's punishment you did something wrong you got whacked I got whacked did you get whacked no I'm not really as a kid not much yeah nothing like where I got hurt yeah you know just like a little tap head course nothing serious little spoon to the back nothing little slap my sister threw a high heel shoe at my back once during a fight oh my God yeah that [ __ ] hit me right in the back I went down it's a piece of wood yeah it's got damn deadly weapon yeah then she locked me in the garage then I got out locked her in the garage Jesus and then she made fun of me for being a fat kid and having bigger tits than our mom oh my God and she was adopted so I go you mean my mom and [ __ ] dude mic drop but also yeah that one that one yeah that was [ __ ] I said Natalie I'm so sorry even to this day yeah that was wild that's to the Bone she's crushing it now is that deep as a [ __ ] dude 10 years old yeah kids are [ __ ] mean because they don't understand what it's going to do to someone that's why bullies in school are so dangerous cuz you could ruin someone's life for no [ __ ] reason other than you can yeah you know you see kids gang up on kids for no reason other than you can you're going to ruin that kid's experience for the rest of their life because some kids they get bullied in high school and they never recover 1 they become like recluses they hide they always associate people with pain yeah it becomes a real problem man becomes a real [ __ ] problem yeah the kids that would tease me for weight stuff like I try you know as I got a little older I try to give benefit of the doubt and be like oh they didn't know any better they're just [ __ ] kids but like and thank God I found a way to maybe you know get around it but like kids can be so mean they can be mean they don't even know they they don't know man they're just doing it because they're they're exper Louis CK
had a whole bit about it I forget how it went but it was essentially about his well he's dead on right it's like they know that they can do this thing yeah so they do it and it's just like a it's like throwing a rock in a window it's like they they can so they do it and young kids don't think about consequences they're little animals they're not fully developed I know and so they're mean but the problem is when they're mean to like like if you're mean to a 14-year-old that's just coming in ninth grade you might [ __ ] them up forever yeah dude forever yeah especially if you're like 16 or 17 you're a big older bully and you're picking on some 14-year-old kid like whoa yeah I know so many people that just got destroyed from their experience in high school just destroy their confidence Al well it Alters the course of your life oh wow yeah you're always thinking you're a loser so it kills your confidence to try anything kills your confidence to meet people you know you're afid of interaction you're always heing bad to that yeah yeah I mean that's why parents you know old school parents will tell you and some boy bullies you you go back to school you punch that kid right in the [ __ ] face like imagine sending your kid to school and telling them that like go punch that bully in the face like what the [ __ ] and my mom used to tell me she like tell me or go tell the teacher call me and I'll call their parents I'm like that's the [ __ ] last thing I want to do at least I'm like Savvy enough to like not you're not going to be there all the time yeah so I'm gonna have to go to school and I'm gonna have to deal with this guy this is don't you don't inter if you intervene you're not going to intervene every day yeah so what's going to happen he's just going to remember that you intervene next time he sees me no he's going to put me in a locker you know it's going to be a real problem I ran for uh vice president in the four fifth grade and my mom helped me write my speech she was reminding me of this and I go uh big kid again and I was running down the platform of uh if you vote for me I'll have we'll have ice cream every day my mom helped me write this and I was like I think I'm okay and then she was like put this and she goes say um if you vote for me you'll have ice cream
every I promise we'll have ice cream at lfp every day not Joe I did that in front of the whole school oh no crickets one teacher in the back oh [ __ ] your mom told you that oh Mom terrible idea [ __ ] then I like yo don't listen to your mom also come on kind of applaud the confidence to [ __ ] try I mean you know open mic night in front of the school yeah basic dude it's also when not was still kind of in so you think that was like the first joke you ever cracked publicly it might have been probably has to be it probably has to be right I mean when did you ever address a group of people no never never right so first time ever first bad joke crickets right out of the bat maybe a couple kids that were like dude this guy's [ __ ] on something you know well some kids just like it when there's a little bit of chaos like yeah yeah say something stupid you know just give me something to think about other than my miserable existence dude yeah yeah which is a lot of people that's that's a lot of online activity like people just looking for someone to fail so like yeah oh oh yeah love it I don't read the uh the comments uh right now I'm trying not to right now when did you start doing that um maybe a couple years ago oh good for you I was I was reading both and then it was just like I I'd love to live in like the present yeah I know how I think it it felt good in the moment why would I want to take away anything from that I don't know it's an unnatural way of human beings interacting with each other it's not good for you sometimes I look at stuff just to go like oh did they like when Shane and I did the Trump Biden thing I was like I want to see if people are digging it you read a few nice things and then it's like you just have to have self-d discipline to go but you know but listen you know it's good you know that's good it killed you guys when it was you guys doing Biden and Trump and going back and forth to each other it was magic it was hilarious just got to like you know what it is what a wild thing to to have as far as like SNL does these political things they like what 8 to 12 minutes like two hours of it like that's a wild can't even come close they can't even come close first of all it's not possible for them to come close they can't come close in the subject matter and they don't have Shane Shane
is the greatest Trump that's ever existed I will put my yeah Shane be writing for Trump he should be writing for Trump like if Trump was smart he would he would hire Shane and Tony hinchcliff to write go the road cuz Shane could show him how to do it this is how this is how you say the joke he would when he came out and was doing the dance and the low clapping oh my God I don't know if you saw this too the way he was drinking his Bud Lights with two little [Laughter] fully in character fully in character yeah if I mean for real he could show Trump how to deliver the lines dude when we were the first time we did it cuz Shane only maybe um seen each other and chatted around 10 times at clubs prior to that first time so this is really this another thing I love about comedy it's like we got to really kick it like this past weekend a lot and Chum it up and like just get to know each other more because we were thrust into this thing kind of together you know and uh during the first time of the mothership I lean over in character and I go I go hey Shane you realize this is the most most we've ever talked to each other and in Kar goes Joe shut the [ __ ] up and I start [ __ ] biting my lip so funny dude yeah it's a it's a fun time for comedy and a fun time for politics if you're a comedian for the rest of the world it's like wo yeah I said that when Joe Biden was was operating the country it felt to me like how I feel when my Tesla is on autopilot like yikes does this really work oh yeah you know it's like Jesus oh yeah what's happening there and now it's seeing you as Joe Biden you're way more coherent than the actual Joe Biden which is so nuts singers yeah you have some zingers balance you have to find like I can't just be people were like dude just Mumble and stumble and you'll be fine I'm like I'm still there to be funny you [ __ ] like I have to you know but you figured out how to do it in character too which is fun CU you you have that thing where you can do the bumbling and it's actually funny like you on purpose bumbling you know like just cuz sometimes he just bails yeah is bailes on what he's saying totally and just you know we got to we beat
Medicaid just that's I said the first I go we' be Medicaid Megatron we took down the Transformers yeah and even when I got there with a tell I go we got David tell Dave Chappelle we got a Dell up here come on how long did you do the character before you did it on killon did you [ __ ] around with it or know just i' done a couple like voices in my ACT uh talking about the debate maybe you know some so that was the first time doing it doneil Watkins and I did a bunch of during Co like lost Phil episodes and that's kind of how we started to find whatever my version of it was that but this was just a first have you met him who Dr Phil no that's hilarious but I think he's going to come on my show at the store in how are you gonna feel when you meet him uh probably start jerking you GNA handle it better than you handled Jim Carrey oh go [ __ ] I think so I hope so yeah I hope so for your sake I it would be awesome what I went to happen yeah what if he's what if he just is that honestly when they were playing I need to be in charge of what you're allowed to say CU you might be saying things you know he might get to I thought he was going to come out at Madison Square Garden when they played that uh video montage when they put me in the killtony Hall of Fame I thought he was going to come out behind me and I don't know [ __ ] like stab me in the back and go we won't be right back that would have been funny just take me down yeah he's uh I think I think he'll be I want him to come out on my show at the comedy store and when they announce Dr Phil he comes out instead and then everybody goes nuts and then I come out we shake can in chat for about 2030 well kill Tony's so big now I could see him coming out especially now because he's got that um he's got a network book yeah he's got some stuff to sell dude I plug his book on every episode of the show people buy books now Joe and bring them to my club uh dates and have me sign and do a thing Tiffany hat was on one of the shows and and I go Tiff this guy's got a question for you and he's like Tiffany I'm uh I can't stop uh uh sto drinking but I can't stop jerking off and she goes you got to stop jerking off she goes you going to go blind you jerk off too much you going to go blind I go actually talk about that in my book we've got issues I go chapter 25 if you
come too much you're going to lose your ability to see the world so I'm like finding ways to like plug the book and now I'm sure that keep him happy that'll definitely sell I think that's kind of not a bad move right it's a very good move solid move good move on your part and it's a fun bit and it's like people now like I don't know no it's definitely fun but what would happen if you said stop doing it sto doing it and it was fun it was a fun run I would keep doing it okay you heard here first I think right have to go for this one I don't come on bro let it go it's I mean there's no I mean it's parody and it's all so I don't think there's a real it would have to I mean there it'd be a cease and desist of some sort right well parody is an interesting thing right because people are really worried about parody now with AI because there's a lot of parody now with AI and people think like there was this one kin Harris thing that was going around where it wasn't she never said any of these things there's the original speech that she gives and there's this like ridiculous version of like the worst thing that a person like the dumbest oh God and yeah and it's AI it's and it's like yeah that's one of them weird ones that's a weird one because if you could do that then you could have people saying all kinds of things like if if that's okay to take like a famous person who's like the vice president of the United States and have her say a bunch of [ __ ] that she didn't really say because it's parody like you can kind of get a little slippery with that like you can get like subtle parody where it's like you barely know that she's not saying those things and then it becomes like people believe it's real it's pretty obvious though right the videos of these not always man they're getting good they're getting really good they're getting really good they're getting close enough that they could trick a lot of people and I think uh the best version of it now is pretty [ __ ] tight man the vocal stuff is pretty wild it's all wild yeah they can take your voice and have you say almost anything and if they do a good job with it and manipulate it and tweak it like the intonations like God the get it's like so dude scary there's still a little part
of you that listens to it and goes this seems a little fake yeah but I always wonder if like if I didn't know that it definitely wasn't real I wonder if I would it would feel fake to me yeah you know yeah I don't know I feel like yeah I don't know they said we're going to have flying cars about now and it's not happening so maybe AI won't be as scary as they do have flying cars yeah but like a part of society and yeah they're not common but they would help in the hurricane place as long as you don't catch them wins I remember when had Uber helicopters for about 2 months bro could you imagine if Florida had flying cars and hurricanes in the middle of the Hurricanes you know there'd be a bunch of those same kind of dudes that shoot out their window at people and road rage they would be flying in winds that they shouldn't be flying in and crashing into the whole highway in a burst of flames and killing everybody and it would be on YouTube Reals the next day Florida is the guinea pig of states for all the stuff that's well it's a state that was essentially founded okay there's two findings right this original the Spaniards landed in Florida first the first city was in Florida in this country right so you have like the colonizers the first original colonizers land in Florida then you have all the [ __ ] prisoners that Castro releases he gets them out and puts them on [ __ ] boats and sends them to Miami and then you have the crazy cocaine days in the 1980s and then you have an economy that has there was more at Le at one point in time find out if this is true still there's more Banks per capita in Miami yeah like for a city than anywhere else in the country because it was all money laundering people were just like they were moving money around with cocaine and people were making millions of dollars and putting it in trash bags and and digging holes in their backyard you ever see Cocaine Cowboys no [ __ ] incredible [ __ ] incredible documentary and it's all there cocain cowboys one and two yes it's all about cocaine in Miami at one point in time one graduating class the Miami Police Academy every single one of them either went to jail for corruption or was murdered oh my God the entire class it was just cocaine everyone was out of their [ __ ] they're all on it
and they're all committing crimes on it God and they're all making millions of dollars and they're all going to nightclubs it's Scarface it's Scarface was based on that oh my God Brian DePalma Scarface written by was Oliver Stone right didn't Oliver Stone write it sounds right it is right for how long how long was this time a couple years or what like a decade more maybe more than a decade sh maybe 20 years I had a buddy um who was an opthalmologist who did his residency at uh University in Miami during the cocaine days he said dude it was nuts it was nuts gunshot wounds stab wounds people with things up their asses like they so many people got brought into the emergency room with things they stuffed up their ass while they were coked up what the know that was a side effect army soldiers thought it was likeor solders no no no like light bulbs the ones that are shaped like pine cones stuff light bulbs up their ass was like people are doing all kinds of wild [ __ ] and being brought into the emergency room I thought Coke was just supposed to like you you take the Party Up A Notch and you just more fun it depends on where you're starting from you're like hey man in some places something to bulb up the ass was how yeah like those [ __ ] swingers in Tampa are already on the 29th floor it's not much of an elevator to get to the roof you know these [ __ ] people are out of their minds and the whole town was wow like founded by cocaine wow and it still has that feel this party feel to that City still I'm sure cocaine's still an issue there but I mean it's not the whole thing now but it's like that's a frivolous area I always say if you want to starve to death open a bookstore in Miami no's read reading the [ __ ] up we're out here stunting pot doesn't pot hasn't had a a similar type um I don't know effect on a Town yeah not really right maybe pot and LSD was San Francisco in the 70s 60s but like not really you know but people W putting stuff up their butts and whatever no well that's re for madness stuff that's the opposite of what you would do if you're high you would not take you take that toy soldier and you go if I put this in my ass what if I get stuck you start freaking out what if I
have to go to the hospital it's stuck in my ass I'm not doing it you're on C like get up there soldier do your [ __ ] you a deserter what did you sign up for to protect you piece of [ __ ] you're CED up out of your mind I didn't want to Joey Diaz's death stars the last time I did his pod when he was in LA yeah he would do that to you that might be the highest I've ever been inom uncomfortable very dangerous bad for people psyche I was good for about 20 minutes and then don't remember what happened after that yeah he takes people he throws them into the darkest pits of their soul thank God he just talked like I was so I got quiet remember looked over at Lee at one point and I was just like I don't know if I didn't say anything else Lee's probably asleep yeah he was Lee was probably asleep standing up Joe would finish the story and go and then and we would got here and then let me tell you something man this one time we're fcking and I was like when he got real low like that I was like okay I think I think this I got another 10 minutes to be quiet cuz another story and then it catch your brain totally catch wow dude what a great way to put it yeah catch it where is it where's my [ __ ] brain get over here you know how to I think yeah he was I'd never been so paranoid breath breath the amount of times I told myself to breathe was terrifying the old days of uh the Church of What's Happening Now is all just Joey doing Edibles yeah insane amounts of Edibles and just being obliterated where lisat like there's so many episodes where his eyes are closed and he's just rocking back and forth he's hallucinating he's watching like neon cartoons [ __ ] behind his eyelids he gave him another Death Star when he was like done he was like eat another one and he was like he woke up to eat it and then he I mean it was yeah it was wild but I it was like you know I wanted to be I wanted to participate oh yeah you have to how do you not you have to if you're doing Joey show you have to be on the same wavelength otherwise it'd be rude but I was it totally imagine being a sober person listening to that conversation like what are you saying look at Le look at Lee look at Lee yeah dude Le is in another dimension right now God he literally in another
dimension he's gone he's gone eyes in the back pass over always smiling so he was on some sort of a journey but listen he's on the church what's happening now with Joey Diaz having a great time which is when you want to be like that [ __ ] up on Edibles you're around nice people having a wonderful time by the way another stamp in the comedy Zeitgeist or the history books of like I'm I feel very fortunate to have been in a time where I got to be around that and then beond you know what I'm saying like be I mean obviously you guys have been homies forever but like yeah that's like you know that was a staple in time well also it doesn't exist anymore like people forgot I keep trying to tell him to bring back the church and I'm trying to get him and Lee together again to do I think they're talking about it and Lee was out here when he was out here goddamn those two together were so fun it's just Joey Diaz like that was so funny he's so it's just so Joey Diaz and if you know him you love him like the when on the July 4th one when he was like screaming you're a [ __ ] American he's like in the background mus the Joey Diaz State of the Union it's incredible those are also some of the wildest nights at the store that I will never forget in the O of seeing a lineup that's just you know Tom bill you Joey like you bring up Joey or Joey bringing up you is a half hour that I don't think I'll ever forget dude that's so wild and I know you you get that now at the mothership of of what you guys are uh doing here what you've created but man like seeing it for the first time of it of me seeing it is is what I'm I guess getting of of being and getting to a point to where it was like open mics at the store then I did phones for a few years and then being a regular then just being around and being around enough to be comfortable to stick around and sit in a bucket seat and watch that transition happen was wild dude the the [ __ ] the pops and the Roars and then you you sitting down and watching him was so [ __ ] cool you know I don't know that's that's other stuff that that is not um you have to just be around to see that like that was a different time too it was like you could do that then and you could hang out in the back and you didn't get bothered and you could you
know the store was that was an interesting time of the store because it was like it was so heavy there was so many killers there was so many people there it was just it was such a magnet for crazy people too so there's this energy in that place it was so different yeah you know that's also because it's like Cero's nightclub and people were killed there you know oh Bugsy seagull you don't know whole the story oh my God Bugsy seagull owned it I just know it was a nightclub that's about as far as a mob run nightclub holy [ __ ] of course it was I'm sure you've talked to people that have seen ghost there right oh yeah yeah well how many other places people have seen ghosts I know that's like the most ghosti of ghost places in La when you talk to like those [ __ ] ghost freaks oh really yeah man it's like there's a bunch of stories about The Comedy Store being haunted yeah like I know multiple people that have seen ghost there carau used to have a crazy story about sleeping on the stage and uh like something grabbed his leg and dragged him to the end of the stage and then he heard a bunch of chairs clink and the door slammed and there was no one in the room he was asleep on the stage he got kicked out of his apartment he's had a fight with his girlfriend [ __ ] you I'm going to make it you know that kind of [ __ ] he's young and uh he was working as a doorman for the store so he had a key he goes and he says I'm going to sleep on the stage cuz I'm going to [ __ ] make it in comedy and then he's on stage and he hears a noise no like a chair's clinking he's like hello hey uh it's me Carl I'm here I got kicked out of my place so uh I'm just sleeping on the stage hey who's there and he hears like a sound again he doesn't see anything and then all a sudden a hand grabs his leg and drags him like six feet and then let's go oh my god dude that's [ __ ] terrifying yeah I mean maybe he lied but it's amazing Story the way he would tell I want to believe I want to believe I want to believe too I've never heard anybody get touched by ghost though it might have been one of his friends he might have been blackout drunk one of his friends like Carl sleeping on the stage let's [ __ ] with him and they probably never told him they probably forgot they did it they
did it acid and [ __ ] a pile of coke that sounds more believable CU he yeah cuz he was a part of kennison's crew right right so like Mark Maron said that when he he partied with Kennison so hard that he had voices in his head for a year a year after he got back he left went to Boston after he was hanging out in Los Angeles and he had voices in his head for like a year saying what I don't know not good things I'm sure they're never good voices start a podcast in your garage but it's that took years to happen this is like the 90s you know this is like not even this is the 80s this is like when I met him it was 88 so this is like so these are leftover residual voices from they did so many drugs they did so much coke that he like had voices in his head where does that come I guess I just the coke it's like a probably a break down of the natural neurochemistry [ __ ] with your brain 100% you're robbing your brain of its ability to produce dopamine like you destroy all your serotonin levels you [ __ ] with everything when you go that hard with Coke and then you have to get off like those guys get wrecked I've met people that are getting off Coke and they are wrecked like just it's just empty and they're so drained oh [ __ ] it's just like it just [ __ ] and it makes you want to do more coke get back on the horse the dog and we're back and we're back yeah I'd see it and like oh my God that's a demon that's a demon in powdered form it's not around as much anymore at clubs I think oh really yeah it's around all over the place the problem is now it's got fentanyl in it and not going kill you people are still doing it that's how nutty Coke is they're going to roll the dice crazy [ __ ] not from the cartel that's [ __ ] wild I don't even take uh people are bringing me weed now all the time which I appreciate but I I mean well they found bued with fent yeah I know and it's also like one kid had a bag it was it was uh Comedy Castle in Roy Oak and I walk in the bathroom he pulls out this little bag and he go bro brought you something and it's just a bag of shake I go I go oh man thanks bro I'm just trying to be PL I go thanks man he goes there's more where that came from I go can I be honest this looks like it
just fell out of your pocket he's like yeah I mean but I brought you the bag I was like the gesture sweet but like I just feel like this is not the move like maybe if it was a nice joint maybe in a tube and stuff he's like okay you're a Hollywood guy huh like no it has nothing to do with it it's just there a bag that was stuffed in your cargo pants of shake yeah of shake yeah you know or can't roll the dice on that yeah you can't today you know there's places that are trying to outlaw fentel tests which is insane who's doing that where is that happening is that a Texas thing where's that happening where they're outlawing the fentanyl tests and the I think the concern is that it would encourage people to do drugs or sell drugs and that maybe the thing that's going to discourage them is the fact that people are dying from it which is an insane Way To Think Jesus let's let's just prevent people from dying yeah first I guess the fear is that it would make people feel like it's safe to do Coke again Center for Disease Control prevention and most public health agencies endorse Distributing fentanyl test trips to people who use drugs the practice is illegal in 42 States and the District of Columbia wow oh my God that feels like way too many places that's insane I thought it was like a state I thought it was like a Florida thing Idaho Indiana Iowa North Dakota and Texas they're now allowed in every state except Idaho Indiana Iowa North Dakota and Texas that's nuts Texas easy way to save lives itself Jesus Christ that's insane bummer why does Texas have it illegal why are fentel strips illegal in Texas Texas is one of the few states where fentel strips are still illegal and considered drug Parn of finale one argument that has been made against the test strips and other harm reduction practices is that they may encourage people to do drugs or continue doing drugs so let's just kill them let's just kill them let's let's let your kids die because they made a mistake because they're 16 and someone gave them some coke and they wanted to be a cool kid that's insane that's insane yeah we don't want to encourage kids to do drugs correct and you know way the way to do that is to have positive role models who aren't doing coke yeah that's that's the best way to do it it's the best way is you
know your favorite country music singer doesn't do Coke you know like maybe that maybe your favorite athlete doesn't do Coke and he tells you listen I don't do Coke you shouldn't do Coke it's [ __ ] scary what the [ __ ] dude yeah what the [ __ ] that is wild Cra Crazy you would have a test trip and make it illegal you could save lives that's the only way you should look at that you're going to save lives they're already doing something illegal you know you're not encouraging or discouraging if it was not killing people probably the same exact amount of people would be doing coke I can't believe that we got rid of what was it Jamie Sun bubble what was the place that you pulled up the hot tub the the the [ __ ] tub place we got rid of those but we can't get fentanyl strips approved crazy well also the the real elephant in the room is why is it a problem why are these drugs tainted and it's because they're illegal yeah that's the problem and the problem is we don't want to make them legal because we don't want to encourage drug use I get that too but the thing is going to find the only way you're going to make it safer for human beings to do these stupid things and live is if you make it legal it shouldn't be legal in terms of like I mean it should be it certainly it should be legal but it shouldn't be something that someone can profit off of right it shouldn't be something that someone can sell to people maybe the best way to do it would be to make drugs free and legal sure like if you want to like if you I catch you selling Coke your death penalty but if if you want to give away Coke if you want to make Coke and give it away it's totally illegal if you want to make your own cocaine or a pharmaceutical drug company makes cocaine they can sell that cocaine for exactly what it cost to make it nothing more okay so no one's going to make it yeah but then the drug well then then you will have supply problem and then you'll have n my my idea sucks I bailed on it it was adorable to watch you go through I bail on it because I was like no because then people just they make it and they start you get DEF F no problem all back over again you got to allow pharmaceutical drug companies to otherwise they have no incentive to make it then they're going to tell you they're going to have
[ __ ] ads like CNN brought to you by cocaine that's going to be the Anderson Cooper show brought to you by crack the cocaine News Network yeah that's what it'll be it'll they'll pharmaceutical drug companies sponsor those shows now right it'll be cocaine sponsors I would watch a full News Network that was just everyone's [ __ ] up responsible use of cocaine just a little woo before you talk about the weather wow I made to talk about the weather if you're going to have any segment of [ __ ] rain woo you better got two coats on today baby yeah you better get that [ __ ] car gassed up cuz you're going to be in 56 hours of traffic let's go it's going to be hot let's go I'm not even going anywhere I'm going to ride this [ __ ] out in the basement me your basement gets flooded you're like some of those places get flooded I was watching the last hurricane this whole Community is underwater did you see any of that Jamie there's a community in Florida and it was it was not even in the flood zone and they're all underwater their houses are underwater everything's underwater no thanks yeah not good dude not good at all you're living in a place where the sky becomes an angry monster and could snuff out life have you scuba dived no [ __ ] all that no thanks I know there's sharks out there my wife is like we don't know I think 73% of the ocean she's just like I think it's 90 yeah it's got to be I think it's 90 every day there's a new fish or dolphin or whale and you're like I just saw this video of I think it was a swordfish coming out and like flying across the whatever did it popped out of the water I was like I didn't know they could [ __ ] jump like that yeah no thanks dude this kid was on my podcast recently uh Bob gimblin is his YouTube um Channel he had a very interesting point he said he thinks that and this is coming from someone else who observed this he thinks that sharks are attacking people not even to eat them they're attacking people because they don't want them there because they're getting in the way of the seals and all the things they eat that's why they're killing people they don't want you in your their water and I was like oh my
God that makes sense I never thought about what are we doing there I want to think of them as like these [ __ ] thoughtless killing machines they're just biting everything imagine just walking into a stranger's house opening the door just go opening the fridge you guys might make some tater tots that's what we're doing in the ocean there's a video of a kid in Hawaii who's on a small like paddle board likees fishing off a paddle board and a [ __ ] tiger shark bites the paddle board have you ever seen that video it's terrifying but it is I mean if you wanted to think about it look the kid's out there fishing so he's stealing fish from the Sharks sorry yeah like the shark knows that that's not a fish oh God watch this dude watch this this is crazy so he's out here fish look at this TIG shark tiger shark Ram me no no bit you bro rammed me yeah that thing bit him watch this oh look at that it bit the boat man it bit the boat yeah dude you're taking food out of its mouth and it's family's mouth again you walk into a stranger's house you take the meatloaf sandwich out of your kid's mouth your dad's going to punch you in the face knows for sure that's not a fish shark attack seems like that tot maybe the worst way to I mean die for sure but like it's a horrible way to die dude first you can't get away and they move real fast and you can't move at all you're it's not even like a bear on the ground you feel like you maybe can run maybe run up a tree maybe I saw this video with an alligator attack where it's like if it bites your leg you're supposed to roll with it and then play dead and then you like PL the pling dead thing always to me I'm like you're not that good of an actor good luck keeping it together while a thing is clamped onto dud I don't even think Pacino could fake dead in front of a gator I think they're going to be like dude it's going to keep you under waterer until it knows for sure so you have to not move yeah you're not likely are you that Zen to reduce your Panic around a gator attack nobody is nobody is nobody is but it yeah a shark dude that just feels and they say punch him they say punch him
who's got enough wherewithal or just you know in the moment who survived that's punched a shark while it was wrapped around their torso I don't know who survived maybe Tom B going to rip you in half man the bite force is insane it's got filled with knives go to your happy place you know imagine the last moment of your life you're looking down at your entrails and no legs and that's it that's the end wow this is the end W how long do you think you get look at that before few seconds you get a few seconds what is that thing biting a camera I just thought it was a cool oh my God mouth oh my God it's just a killing machine but it does make sense what he and now that I see that video that's a great perspective of the shark biting the boat that totally makes sense taking his snacks yeah cuz I used to think that it was oh just they'll bite anything no they're they're mad that you're there get out of here [ __ ] cuz they're pretty smart right or think okay I don't think so well they're ancient most most of these really ancient things that haven't changed at all since the dawn of time they're not that smart cuz they're just about killing wow like if you think about how old sharks are I think sharks are older than trees yeah I think sharks predate trees on Earth see if that's true I'm 99% sure it's true I talk about that in my book we've got issues sharks are older than trees 450 million years old tree is 350 million years old W so there was sharks for a 100 million years before there were ever trees that's [ __ ] wild dude wild and they're out there in the water and you want a scuba dive Adam Ray no [ __ ] is wrong with you bro I'll go to Sun bubble with they're going to see you down there with your stupid gear and [ __ ] [ __ ] you ruining my fishing yeah yeah no thank you sir oh God not interested okay not even glad we're on the same page that piction of that shark is wild oh my God what kind of shark is that Banda in its mouth is that the early sharks IO coprion that's what its mouth looked like 240 million year old fish Jesus Christ you ever see the that movie The Meg oh yeah one of the dumbest movies that's ever been made yeah it's so dumb like why you watch like what have you done to me dude and even Stan was just like we got to see what's down there no
you don't Jason go back to [ __ ] The Italian Job too or um think biting the window it crashes through the window giant 50 foot shark whatever the [ __ ] it was what about Open Water was that the name of that one where it was just all shot found footage yeah that was a good one though it was good cuz it was realistic realistic the Meg is the Meg 2 is even dumber it's even dumber than the Meg one yeah but they're fun it's fun dumb you know those are good popcorn movies from time to time yeah enjoyable you know that's not really happening imagine it's like a Megalodon down there but there could be that's what everybody thinks maybe that's what took the uh the uh Rich guys in the submarine that went down there do you think something big got them no yeah incompetence yeah human Folly I think that gets more people than sharks you know that's a big one I do like the idea that the further down like all the way down there there's something like where the Titanic really where at the [ __ ] very bottom is something that's living down there that's just you can't even comprehend that's never even trying to come up but if you go all the way down there like they did or you make it down for whatever I saw Will Smith and some video where he went down right with some people for some Discovery show like really down there to where it was like they shouldn't be down there doing get the [ __ ] out of there even these astronuts are going to space that are stuck February Joe why if they can get them in why we still going like what do we is down here not good enough yeah but it's also if they can get them in February are you [ __ ] serious yeah what if that doesn't work what if what if there something goes wrong with that something went wrong which is why they can't get them guess what things go wrong and you might not have Rockets available that can do it you might not have a shuttle available that can get them you might not be able to [ __ ] you might have like some sort of problems in your software who [ __ ] knows man dude that's so scary terrifying and they have to like either be saved by another I guess uh SpaceX or make friends with the Russians have the Russians bring them home there you go I bet they can get them wouldn't that be funny that's a nice slap in the face
yeah dude Putin says I'll do you a favor nice I go get your friends okay yeah just F nice you'll be nice with me I'd be nice with you look at your friends we give you Britney grinder come on we bring back or give us back gr there was a sound that was recorded once by underwater microphones that was a biological sound that was louder than anything that any animal had ever made before and they don't know what it is you see if you can find that we found out the I mean it might not be this but remember the other day the hump hump or whatever make a [ __ ] crazy they make crazy sounds but I don't think they they think they took that into account and this is different this they don't know what it is and never found it again but whatever this thing is it sounded biological oh God like it was a biological sound it wasn't a geological sound it wasn't like a sound the earth makes or you know little underwater earthquake there's something about the sound that they determined it to be biological which is like what what you talking about is there [ __ ] Godzilla down there just now finding out about this something called the bloop yeah that's it doesn't sound very scary what is it 19 what 1997 we put up the the details of it so I could read it is you have article on it making sure it was right yeah so whatever this sound was they don't know what the [ __ ] it was and uh 1997 National Oceanic Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recorded a mysterious underwater sound that lasted for one minute and was detected by hydrophones 5,000 miles apart the sound was named the bloop and came from a location off the coast of Chile the bloop captured people's imagination led to theories about what it could be such as the call of a dinosaur an Undiscovered sea creature or a giant squid in 2005 NOAA scientist discovered that sound was actually caused by an iceberg breaking away from the Atlantic Glacier oh [ __ ] what the [ __ ] dude I didn't even know so they they solved it I was hoping it was a [ __ ] monster that was the only one there wasn't one so that's what it was so it was probably one of those things where they had talked about it for so long that it stuck in my head that it was a biological thing I still have hope I just found an article in 2017 talking
about it where they said they don't know what it was oh okay so this is someone trying to cover up for Godzilla that's what that is that's some state sponsored CNN type [ __ ] they're trying to cover up for the fact there's a goddamn aoop you reading the AI overview so maybe it made up the answer oh AI you piece of [ __ ] you [ __ ] lied that's probably what it is you know AI lies what you thing called hallucinations if AI does not have an answer to something it will come up with an answer and then that could be searched from the web right so it could be some blog somewhere where some guy made up something about it was an iceberg that caused that sound and AI will spit that back out it yeah it's a thing that AI does when it doesn't know the answer to something apparently they call it hallucinations this is coming from AI scientists told me this I don't want AI to have hallucinations they don't even know how it works dude [ __ ] they don't even know exactly why it's doing what it's doing they don't know they don't know how it's being creative what once I once you see those things too about like some of these robots like what was that thing it was like uh I don't know it had Fe having them have feelings or any sort of they're not going to have feelings that's even scer they're going to be able to think really clearly without any emotions No Remorse no morals no ethics no worrying if people like them no reading the comments they don't give a [ __ ] fu just hit the N button they're [ __ ] robots man oh God that's my fear about aliens my fear is that that's what aliens are that they've they've already bypassed the the human body and all all of our primate systems oh yeah they've bypassed all that they're all they're all gone that's all gone do you think they listen to our podcast yes 100% they're in they're listening right now they love it what up guys it's fun for them because they don't get to think stupid anymore yeah you know cuz everything's clear right it's like you know it's like you want a little bit of chaos and they don't have any chaos left I think that's why they visit us that's why like in my special I said that I think aliens look at us the same way we look at Waffle House fights that's right dude like what the
[ __ ] is going on over here what if the aliens like love Danny Devo like what if their favorite actor is like they Love Despicable Me desp they like yeah they love them we love gr yeah yeah maybe that's it I mean who [ __ ] knows but if these uh lion AI [ __ ] do we find out about that 2017 thing I found another thing 2024 said the same thing about the iceberg okay so it might be real might have just been an article they were putting that in the headlines people would watch their video oh right probably and what year was it what that what they recorded that swn it was recorded 97 yeah see anything back in those days that's you know like you didn't have barely had the internet yeah I enough facts together how do you know what you're talking about anything pre- internet I don't believe you it could be a biological sound could be a dude just ends into dinosaurs sure you know but there's probably some [ __ ] down there we haven't discovered I think so they always find new fish like um there was a bunch that washed a Shore during a tsunami they were like what the [ __ ] is this was that in Thailand where there was like a gang of them that washed a Shore in a tsunami these undiscovered deep sea creatures crazy like blind things that live in the place where there's absolutely no they can pop up and show up here I don't think we need to go down and try to find them yeah wait for a storm yeah wait for the storm to come through man don't go down there wash up dude that was an Oregon look at that [ __ ] thing oh yeah I'm going out of my way to find that [ __ ] off that's that some kind of an angler fish oh my God which is one of the craziest inventions in nature that nature invented a fish that has a fishing rod off of its nose yeah yeah like how does that even happen look at that [ __ ] thing is that real come on that can't be real oh my God Is that real oh I know this one above it is not but I don't know what the [ __ ] that the thing is with AI man they you could think something's real and they just [ __ ] with you and this is in the New York Post they might have got them 2017 Jesus we'll go prei wait a minute they probably did a a sample of that thing what is it let's find out what it is I bet they figured it out look at
it h Fang to could fang tooth snake eel or Garden or Kong eel all three species occur off Texas and have large Fang life teeth look at that thing imagine if like we lived in the ocean show me the picture that again imagine we live in the ocean you got to deal with that there's more I'm surprised Pixar they did Finding Nemo but like let's like they should do something that's like highlighting all these lost creatures like there's got to be an underwater Lost City where you can see the uh yeah mermaids versus monsters they should why don't they do that Fang to snake Jesus look at that [ __ ] thing mermaids aren't real right I hope so I hope they're real I know me too one of those things where I'm like I don't [ __ ] like who the [ __ ] knows dude but isn't it like the Tim trap a beautiful girl and has no vagina yeah she's just fish she's a fish like fish don't have sex what are you supposed to do there the part where you have sex with doesn't exist it's all just yeah fish lay any guy into the ocean you ever seen how fish breed the fish the female lays their eggs and the GU just jizz all over it yeah like we used to catch uh rainbow trout when I lived in U Boston and we'd go to this Lake and catch rainbow and they would be [ __ ] when you pulled them out of the lake like cuz it would be the time where they're spawning and they're they're making babies and you're allowed to fish for them at least back then you were and you're pulling them out as they're [ __ ] like they're as you're holding it like just nutting all over the place trying to get their last loads out before you fillet them wouldn't you if a bear is about to eat you wouldn't you just try to [ __ ] empty the tank guess well I guess no one's probably ever touched him before it's probably really exciting there you go it's the first time going oh my God like imagine you just like blue bald all day long you're so blue balled that you just jizz in the ocean yeah on the floor yeah bet all they have to do is run a finger by you you're like gust of wind you know like you ever seen where where your dog is humping a leg and dog is just like they start humping the air yeah dude a fish you grab them right when they're in that that PE in the perfect spot Peak rut just just squirt
all over the place have you ever seen a fish do that no yeah with with rainbow trout they would do it all the time catch them they'd be [ __ ] good for them what a life it's it's a bad death though you know cuz you fa come then die you failed yeah you failed yeah you just D over the inside of a boat the opposite of what you're supposed to do not good not good not good but yeah so if that is a mermaid like what the hell what are you saying what why The Little Mermaid I mean she only Eric was only into her because she came out of the uh the water and had some human features exactly and lost her voice like what the [ __ ] maybe that's why he was into her he was like dude I've been dating all these you son of a [ __ ] these girls that just talk too much and they like wow I met a girl that just doesn't even want to super hot can't talk but if she does talk you can't have sex with her she doesn't have a vagina anymore yeah take your pick honey you going need learn sign language wow all right Adam Ray let's wrap this up tell everybody my pleasure I appreciate you too one more time the name of the documentary name of the documentary is called Doug it's on my YouTube channel where you get all the Dr Phil live specials Dr Phil live tour uh it's all Adam raycom.com we got octob 25th in Philly October 26th in DC The Beacon Theater go ahead in November 15th uh celebrity theater December 6th s uh San Diego Civic Theater uh December 7th all that at Adam Ray comedy.com my special is like And subscribe it's on YouTube on my YouTube channel.com Adam Ray comedy um and then all my tour dates at Adam Ray comedy.com got Columbus Funny Bone coming up uh the Buckhead Theater in Atlanta Pittsburgh improv uh this weekend if this is out in time uh hilarities in Cleveland uh all at adamr comedy.com adamr comedy.com okay and uh one more time Dr Phil's book Dr we've got issues cuz Joey got issu we've all got issues but we've all got Solutions okay you could [ __ ] a mermaid with your eyes closed but does that mean you're going to make it in time for breakfast this is what Dr Phil's going to use to say you can't be him anymore he say that's enough son of a I would never say that what did you do to my reputation you son of a [ __ ] all right thanks brother appreciate you're appreciate you all right bye everybody
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