Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1i4WkJ4qFo
honesty really really matters and i think much of the reason why i started this podcast was to give the world the much needed honesty it needs but often doesn't get you hear success stories that are glamorized and that are oversimplified but that's rarely rarely the case this week's guest will give you exactly that raw unfiltered honesty like you've never heard it before and in some points honestly that might make you a little bit uncomfortable it made her uncomfortable it made me uncomfortable this week i'm joined by chrissy chella she's an unbelievable and in my opinion heavily underrated entrepreneur running multiple multi-million pound businesses she's one of the uk's number one fitness creators athletes whatever you want to call her she's an author her book is coming out in january she has a remarkable story one that starts from very very humble beginnings as an immigrant that was bullied on the playground in the uk and what you'll find out about her is inspiring it's captivating it's real one of the most amazing conversations i've ever had on this podcast and i'm so glad that we can bring you her story in this way told with total honesty without further ado i'm stephen bartlett and this is the dire rover ceo i hope nobody is listening but if you are then please keep this to yourself as i did a little bit of research on you and i got to sort of uncover your story and i got to stalk you a little bit on social media um the more and more that i observed and sort of looked past your instagram feed the more i saw a pretty remarkable entrepreneur and business person and one of the thoughts that came to my mind and you know this podcast is all about speaking the truth and being honest was this question which is do you think that you get the credit you deserve as an entrepreneur that's the question
um it's not about me i haven't built a community about me i've built a community about helping other women and i think that it's never fully been about me and the credit that i get is seeing other women thrive and succeed and come together and that for me is enough credit i don't need an award i don't need someone to say oh my god you're the best business woman in the world for me when i see or when i read another woman's story that for me is enough i don't need anything else so yeah i do so because i was when i i was watching some of your stories on instagram and you you run an office right of people you run multiple businesses right and i typically think that people are very very quick to arrive at judgement when they see a pretty young lady who's worked out on instagram who has a big following and they t and this is just being completely honest they tend to come to judgments very quickly a conclusion a conclusion yeah and that that conclusion and that narrative or that image that they form of that person i've come to learn is usually severely wrong 100 it is and you know it's funny you say that because i've also been on multiple dates with people and you know they see my instagram following and they automatically assume that oh it's because you get your ass out that's that's that's why you make money or it's because you get your ass out that's why you've built what you've built and the truth is if i did that and if that was the fundamental reason then i wouldn't have a team of 30 people in one company and building another company that sells out every time we restock it goes past being a pretty face or a pretty picture it goes past being a nice body it's about the message that you have it's about what you want to truly truly put out in the world and i think if people make that conclusion it says more about them than it does to
me does it make you feel though and i want you to be really honest here how does it make you feel i think okay like i'm gonna be complete honestly i think it's one thing to be judged and it's another thing to be judged as a woman okay so why is it that when you see a handsome man you don't come to a conclusion that he only got what he got because he's handsome why is that as a woman i have to justify myself more i have to explain myself more all the time it's draining i shouldn't have to explain myself my face my body all of this stuff it's just external you know and i think that can i swear on this question i smell my youtube all the time some people get offended and i'm like listen this is this is who i am something else yeah no it pisses me off it pisses me off but at the same time it's like it feeds me right you know it feeds me like piss me off even more because that's how i thrive you you saying to me i can't do something you saying to me that i only got there because of this and that it pushes me more to achieve more and yeah i mean it's their problem not mine i guess there's a lot of you know let's just for a second imagine that that judgment of you was correct and that you'd got here because you were pretty or whatever or you're you know you have a great physique or whatever it was um what would they be missing what is the truth why why did you get here because there are lots of very pretty people out there right yeah um but for some reason you made it here and i've seen your businesses i've looked into them you have pretty phenomenal businesses and you're running big teams of people in big offices so like there's two kind of thoughts to this but i think the central question that i'm trying to answer for myself is what is it about
chrissy that differentiated you your approach your message and the way that you connect with people from all of these other people that are trying to do what you're doing i think in all honesty if i'm if i'm answering that question from a personal perspective i've always been 100 honest and transparent with who i am you're not gonna find a hidden secret or some nasty surprise like this is who i am you literally either take it or you leave it and i'm not going to try and be anything else to fit in for anybody else you know and for me when i started my fitness journey when i you know moved countries to england i never felt like i had a sense of home i never felt like anybody understood me so to be blessed with a platform where i can build a community and bring women together globally you know this is this goes beyond me this is about bringing women together that have been abused that have had you know mental disorders eating disorders such bad things you couldn't even imagine what women have gone through and have told me to bring them all together and to create this tribe you know that for me is like i think that's what people see yeah and i think that's what people believe i want to do because i genuinely do want to do that and you know one of the things that sorry to interrupt there but i really wanted to one of the things you said was about you being yourself and i asked you that question actually with a bit of a preconceived idea of what the answer would be and when i watch you on instagram the feel that i get from you versus pretty much everybody else other than one other person i've got to be honest and he sat in this chair and he's actually coming back is joe wicks like when i met joix he is the guy you meet off off off air or whatever is the same guy and he's so [ __ ] genuine
and all he cares about is like genuinely helping people but the reason i said to joe i said i think the reason you're so successful is because you are yourself and you will share it all and when i was watching you on instagram and watching some of your videos you cater to the 99 of people's lives which is the real [ __ ] yeah i saw your video this week you did on your story you're waking up and you're saying listen i don't want to wake up today and most people don't admit that because you know a lack of perfection is sometimes perceived as weakness so i wondered how that resonated with you in terms of the importance of your success originating from chrissy being her truer self yeah you're you can only be the best version of yourself right and i think if you start trying to be something else soon enough it will come out or you'll start to fall through the cracks or it will slip something will slip and you can only uphold that image and you know that presence for so long before it really just [ __ ] up so the only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself and this is what i tell people all the time it's never been about other people's perceptions of you it's always been what you think about yourself and if you truly truly believe in yourself you won't want to be anybody else you want to you won't want to be fake you wouldn't want to be trying to please everyone my job isn't to please everyone were you always at that point no tell me about that oh my god no i mean i remember when i was in a relationship i was 16 years old i was like i'm gonna marry this person i'm so in love like this is it uh and then he cheated on me and i was like oh [ __ ] this is not it it's his name no he does not deserve the air time i'll tell you that much but i was heartbroken and i was trying so hard to please this person you know i was trying so hard even in
school i know it sounds petty but i was trying so hard to fit in all the time all the time i remember like this is so this is not cute on my end i'ma be honest with you i remember being at school and i'm foreign okay like i'm mediterranean we're hairy okay and i had a no i had a moustache and the girls used to rip me for it and i was so sad i was like oh my god why am i not like these pretty english girls like i don't understand like i used to feel so shitty about myself constantly trying to like fit in and then when i got cheated on i was like oh my god it must be because i'm not pretty enough it must be because i'm not sexy enough [ __ ] that that's draining what do you mean i constantly have to be something else for someone else i'm never gonna be happy and i i wasn't happy for such a long time so yeah i just i just fully like expose my moustache story there so let's take us from mustache to self-confidence um what was that journey and what changed your uh your your self-esteem and your self-confidence what helped you get that confidence in yourself i think for me it was can we just i think that should be the podcast title master no no seriously even sarah doesn't know that i used to have him no guys i'm gonna be honest with you okay like i don't give a [ __ ] i had a moustache growing up okay and all the girls used to rip me the [ __ ] up they used to be like uh your man your boy like honestly [ __ ] [ __ ] man and i ate my school dinner for six months in a toilet because i didn't have any friends do you think that experience is part of the reason you are who you are today 100 like honestly it's pretty impossible to to break me and when you've broken me understand that you've really like broken me down because it takes a lot now was that we talk about the mustaf mustache thing is if it was this trivial thing but i'm guessing what
you're saying is you were bullied in school yeah but at the same time it's not like i was constantly bullied like i think i don't know a lot of us go through awkward stages in school trying to make friends trying to be with a cool gang trying to do this try and do that then you almost become like mean as well because you're so hurt by everybody else that you only yeah so i think you know like i remember walking into sixth form one time and a lot of personal things happened in my life and no one wanted to be around me at that point and i just hated everyone around me and i was full of anger constant anger and hate you know and i didn't want to be that person anymore especially after being cheated on i didn't want to be that person anymore and i remember being on the train one day because i used to work in potter's bar at the time um in this little men's boutique like retail shop and i was coming back home and i remember like the penny dropped and i was like i can try so hard to be sexy and cool and all this stuff other people but i'm not doing anything for myself and that's where the quote do this for you comes from because i signed up to the gym that day and then i'll walk straight back out and then go back for two months i'm not gonna lie to you i was signed up and like i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this i know what to do signed up didn't come back for two months i was actually actually hanging back i don't know what to do why didn't you go because i was scared i was like who i was like who do you who do you think you are crazy trying to be like a fitness girl you don't know what you're doing you know this was like six years ago you don't know what you're doing go back home relax right relax chill go to work study relax at some point you must have changed your mind
yeah i did i did and evidently i did and i was like uh okay now i need to do this like what am i doing i'm so lethargic i'm tired all the time i'm not strong i was never like um overweight or underweight i was just tired all the time and drained especially mentally so when i got into the gym i remember looking at the leg press machine and i was like what is this transformer i don't know what the [ __ ] to do with this machine and everybody else around me seemed to kind of know what to do and then there was like men there and the women were on the cardio machines and the men were at the weights i didn't care about the cardio machine i was so intrigued by the weights i was like what why do men go there what is that about men that go there and women go there i want to go there and i didn't know how to use weights i didn't know what i was doing i was training i didn't have anything like no one was on instagram at the time no one was teaching the way social media has literally opened up a book full of information and free content and we didn't have that at the time i started you know i didn't know what i was doing it's how did you i learned you learned i just learned i just was like you know what i'm just going to do this and i kind of i kind of got addicted to the feeling of how completing a workout made me feel and i started going again and again and i started learning because what was it doing for you going it was giving me my therapy therapy from what from life from my reality from the fact that i was so depressed or with who i was and so angry at the world and everything the world had done to me and the only time i felt like i could escape was at the gym which is so crazy because the gym is like a chore for people i've got a [ __ ] train today but i went there and i escaped it was therapy and no one could take
that feeling away from me not an ex-boyfriend that cheated on me not a mean girl at school not a horrible boss no one isn't it funny that so much of you know when you speak to people that have achieved great things it all seems to have been sparked by like an earlier catalyst of being bullied or feeling insecure and or inadequate in some way i see the same in myself the reason why i am successful without a shadow of a doubt is because the feeling of being broke and being inadequate in the area that i lived in and having all the windows on my house smashed for a decade and the grass being six foot high and but living in all of these around all of these white people zero black people at my school other than my brother and my other brother that feeling of inadequacy put pressure on me for like 15 16 years and so my obsession as i wrote in my diary 18 was i'm gonna have uh a million pounds before i'm 25. i'm gonna have a range river is going to be my first car right couldn't even drive yeah it's so funny i did the same right i swear and it's so funny you say it was the only black man in your school because i was the only foreign guy on mine i was trying to contend with this whole idea of having curly hair i was like i i started relaxing it when i was 12 so it'd be straight and it and and i look back and i think if i hadn't have gone through that in the way that i had you wouldn't be where you were not a [ __ ] shadow of a doubt and and it's like that pressure releases at some point in different ways i could have ended up in prison right my my friend said my best friend said to me at 18 he said steve and i remember where i stood when he said he said you're either going to be a millionaire or you're going to be in prison and i hit me like a ton of bricks because he was telling the truth i cared so much about escaping from that pressure and from that life that it was going to channel itself into something so tell me
about your diary what did you write your day oh god i remember so funny right i remember i wrote down and i will never ever forget i wrote down i'm going to be someone one day i wrote i wrote that down and then i remember you went you have blackberries yeah all right back in the day and i used the right of my blackberry and i just believed it and anyway when i went to the gym and kind of figured it out along the way um i fell in love with someone at the gym like i was going he's now my ex-fiance by the way everyone we're no longer together but he is a very important person in this story because when i met him i was at rock bottom but i was also trying to find my feet and i was becoming more confident in myself and that confidence confidence did grow and attract the person that i was supposed to be with at the time right because i do believe your your vibe and energy attract the people that you have around you right and i remember he was driving me to work one day because i was waitressing and i looked at him and i said i don't know why i started instagram at this point had like 50 000 followers i started instagram in all honesty i started it just to see how i looked doing exercises and hollywood recorded me and i was like oh my god i'm gonna break my back i don't know what i'm doing i need to fix my form but somehow people started loving it and anyway he was driving me to work and i go jack i don't know why but i feel like we're gonna achieve something by helping women and generally said to me he goes yeah whatever man you get to work i'll come pick you up i was like no i feel it and i started crying crying streams of tears he's like what's wrong with you i was like no i believe it i don't know what it is this is feeling i can't explain never had that feeling before and
here we are today what do you think that feeling was belief where did that belief come from me i just believed in me so much that no one not even you know the person i was with could sway me another way and i do think a lot of that comes from persevering in the gym and growing that discipline and growing evidence right yeah that you could right yeah because when you're when you start doing something good for yourself training was good for me right you start to build these disciplines and habits and consistencies and they transfer in other aspects of your life it's like a domino effect so i started becoming more disciplined at university i didn't need 10 cans of red bull to stay awake i was focused um i would excel all the time and it wasn't because i put in extra hours it was because i was so hyper focused where i was with who i was i was present and if it wasn't for the gym i wouldn't be able to have done that so your ex fiance yeah jack do you think you would have met him had you not built the confidence within yourself or started to build a confidence within yourself that the gym had given you do you think you would have been ready quote-unquote to have that relationship with him at that time if you were the old chrissy no um and if i did if i was with someone at the time i wasn't so confident it would have been the wrong person because you attract the energy that you have you attract what you believe in yourself if you're constantly negative about yourself if you're constantly just trying to make yourself believe you're you're just not worthy you're always going to attract that and don't get me wrong there was like dates in between jack obviously when i wasn't with him by the way i mean no i mean like after the guy that cheated on me i had like went through i went for a phase i went through dayton
and it's always the wrong guy i was the wrong guy and then it was i realized it's because i'm trying to find happiness in other people constantly trying to find happiness of people and then when i started focusing on myself he came along you know a lot of women when they're in the situation where they're lacking confidence or self-worth or they're feeling like something is missing will and this isn't just women this is men as well yeah right they'll think that the answer is a romantic solution yeah right is it no it's not um i've been there i've done that and obviously i'm speaking from personal experience you could find someone that really helps you you know you could genuinely find someone who inspires you motivates you pushes you and that's so remarkable and if you do find that person don't let them go you know but unfortunately if you have so much self-hatred you are never going to be satisfied in the relationship that you are in because you constantly have to find that person to give you that happiness you're constantly waiting for that person to do something for you stable right it's unstable it is a lot of dependency and um i think that the most rel most important relationship you're ever going to have is going to be with yourself because when you go to bed at night and you're in your own little thoughts up here right that's you and you that's you and you so you've got to fix that up here first before you go trying to find a a person to share your life with you know and you know so you end up you know jack ends up proposing yeah you you build a business together which is a topic in and of itself which you're you're still working together with him on now yeah and then at some point you both decide in a very you know i've listened to your story so you decide in a very amicable mature way that this situation
isn't making both of you right happy yeah and there was a sentence you said where you said um you and jack grew apart which i found quite curious and i find it curious because on this podcast we've we've been talking a lot about monogamy for whatever reason and this idea in fact the last guest we had on dr arya who was you know who people have been really really blown away about um he he was cheated on by his partners you know and he found out in a really horrific way that she was pregnant with another man yeah i listened to that okay and so on that sentence about growing apart this makes me ask you the same question about monogamy if it's possible for you to meet someone and grow apart you know especially you know because everybody's growing in some way um what are your thoughts on monogamy having been almost to the altar with someone what are your thoughts on monogamy and i can i be honest i mean please you never have to ask permission again to be honest i've never said this ever and i'm a little bit nervous to say this but i when i was with jack i thought that that was my person and i genuinely felt it in my heart and my soul i never questioned it once right and we grew apart and that's because a lot of people don't know what was going on behind the scenes last year when i launched toner sculpt with jack we had a lawsuit against us you know no one really knew about that you know 50 grand in lawsuits trying to get our app that we we built just to be ours and then build it from the ground up that's why we had to refurbish and relaunch the programs because everything is now built home grown in our offices with our technology right and do you know how much pressure that adds to a relationship i can't imagine and you're going home and you're like what do you mean you don't do this what do you mean you didn't do that hating each other resenting each other because you think they're to blame he thinks you're to blame i think he's
to blame right and it's going to take a very very special person to fit into the shoes that jack left you know he is such an incredible man in every aspect works hard is caring is loving as ambitious is everything a woman would want in a man unfortunately we grew apart and it is unfortunate because i genuinely loved him and still do love him unconditionally i'd give him my kidney if he needed it and it would take someone very very special and confident to fill that space up and i'm not gonna hold my breath does that make sense i'm not gonna hold my breath i'm gonna you know let's just see where it goes you think it's possible um i think it's possible i think anything's possible i just think that it's gonna take someone with a hell of a lot of confidence and someone that understands that i don't need anything else but effort and time from them i don't need your money i don't need your gifts i don't need so you're saying you think that jack's shoes will be difficult to fill and it's almost like you're setting his shoes as the standard of what you're looking for in the future so it kind of begs the question well you've got two feet that fit those shoes perfectly jacks so why isn't he filling those shoes i think if anyone turns around and says to you that i work with my partner and we run a company of 30 people and hundreds and thousands of subscribers and you know an ever growing company and we're so in love i i really literally will look at them and be like how did you make that happen working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult because let me tell you something when you come home from work you're coming home from work with the same person what do you think you're going to speak about when you get home work what do you think you're going to speak about um after you have sex
work the work i'm being honest like you you live and you breathe your company jack is an entrepreneur and himself jack is a co-founder jack built this with me right yeah so if i'm going through all those things as an entrepreneur as a co-founder he is as well i don't know if you're answering the question chris but i am answering the question it doesn't work it doesn't work because you work together yes it doesn't work together it would have probably worked isn't that a shame when i when i um when i first met jack i have never felt that way about someone before and i never once questioned our relationship or i never once questioned whether i didn't want to be with this person and it's funny because when we hire new people at tone and scope they obviously know mine and jack's relationship and a lot of employees tend to get a bit nervous they're like are the co-founders going to be better are they going to be nasty to one another and you know what they always say it's insane how much respect and love they have for one another it's actually a bit worrying how much respect and love we have for one another and had we not had tona sculpt we would have 100 be married by now probably expecting a first child is jack in a relationship i don't know we don't speak about stuff like that i don't know if he's in a relationship okay so here's another thing jack's made it pretty clear he's been like i don't know who i'm gonna find that's like you and you said the same to me today and i've said the same thing about him um and another thing is i've been with him for five years right i was with him for five years i still work with him in a normal situation you break up and you go separate ways go separate ways you don't speak you don't see unless you're stalking each other which i would because i'm a weirdo so
i'd stalk you for a bit until i got over you but what i'm saying is i see him every day so it's like how can i ever forget about you you're always there i speak to you every day i'm on the phone to you every day we make executive decisions together every day i still go to you for advice every day but why is i don't look at you and want to kiss you right do you no i don't i don't i don't not not right now anyway but i don't to be in a relationship you have to have that flair come on you have to have that spark that you you make me feel some type of way and i know over time it will pass and whatever but it sounds so weird but i see him almost like a best friend but then everyone always tells you to marry your best friend so maybe have i got relationships all wrong right so i don't know i don't know but all i'm saying is the person that i'm with and next with or whatever they don't necessarily have like they're not competing because that's horrible you don't want to compete kind of somewhat unavoidable though especially in chrissy's brain but at the same time it's like jack was is the most genuine person like would always take care of me always listen always put me first would always want me to to succeed it was every check check check check check but why are we not together i don't i me myself i still don't have a a fundamental reason as to why you know i read the comments and people were like of course she would leave jack now she's got like millions of followers and has got money of course she was she's gonna go marry a rich arab man i was like what you clearly don't know me you clearly don't know me but um i don't have a rich arab man as a boyfriend by the way i just want to clear that up but i don't know if jack's dating i i don't know what he's doing all i all i do know
is that i want him to be so happy could you imagine life without him oh no well that question just took my breath away a bit no i couldn't no i turned around tomorrow said he said i'm leaving the business i'm moving no i'd be absolutely heartbroken i'd be i'd be absolutely grieving i couldn't imagine life without jack but then again don't they say the most important person in your life as a business owner is your business partner you almost speak special bond you always speak to them more than you speak to the partner you go to bed with but it's also and the reason i asked that question is i remember asking myself that question about my business partner many years ago and i'm embarrassed and i thought to myself what if they died and it was like well then there's no point me doing this business anymore which is a really weird thought i had i thought well then they were such a fundamental part of the purpose and the journey and i it made me question you know why i'm actually doing this and i think with jack i think it's probably true that um a huge part reason why you do this business is because of him you've been through so much together yeah i couldn't imagine doing it with someone else yeah but i also can't imagine doing it without him and you've been through hell and back together with jack right yeah and that strengthens the relationship like you know so much been through so much with jack um you do five years with someone shit's gonna happen shit's gonna hit the fan is it is it a possibility to be back with him um like i've always said you can never say never and anything is possible however if jack was to find someone right and say oh like chrissy you know out of respect he would have to sit me down because we work together and be like i'm with someone now and if i see that that girl is treating him so well
and looking after him in all honesty that's all i hope would you be a little bit jealous probably i mean i'm not gonna lie probably would but and would you then question the decision oh no i'm not the type of person that if if if i if i don't have you no one else can on you know me and that's just weird i mean you'd go home that day and start thinking oh i would go home and be like oh like damn you'd set reminders off like alarm bells will start going off i absolutely don't regret ending it i've learned more about myself in the year and a half of parting ways with jack than i did in five years of being with him facts i don't regret ending it would i feel some type of way if he were he was with someone else you'd be absolutely lying to yourself if you said no come on mate like we buddy was about to get married we own a company together of course you'd feel some type of way but would i be jealous no would i be happy if he was happy hell yeah i would because his happiness makes me happy is in the future a possibility of me being with him again i don't i don't know how can i how can you possibly answer that question when the possibility of me parting ways with him five years ago was not even a vision i can't answer that question but if he was to find someone and be truly happy and in love and she was a good egg i'd be happy and it's possible to be happy for someone but also for it to suck at the same time 100 but that's only because you just feel some type of way but deep down you just want them to be happy i think he will find someone i think he's going to find someone who's really genuine are you smiling i wasn't smiling you're smiling no i wasn't smiling i think you are i think you were smiling i think you felt some type of way by saying that no i really do i swear i but yeah i've been honest enough now till now to like lie but but if when he does right when he does which he will i just want
one thing from that girl if you're listening out there to jack's future wife i just don't want her to sway he's a mind on our business does that make sense yeah oh leave tone and sculpt you don't need it anymore that's horrible like don't interfere don't need to get involved love all right look at you but it's true like i'm sorry but when i'm with a guy if he starts telling me what to do with my company or if he starts telling me or it's me or jack i'd be like yeah get a grip it's jack if you give me an ultimatum i don't want to be with you you know what this thing so i was i was thinking about this earlier and i've got some friends i wouldn't call them necessarily friends but people that i know personally and they would hate because they're so insecure as men they would hate the idea of dating someone as self-made and successful as you mm-hmm and it's a certain type of insecure man i'm laughing because i already know already been there really yeah certain type of insecure man that really is seeking to control that would would not like a chrissy because you can't be controlled you can't be controlled through gifts through x and you've been there yeah i've been there i've done that like you know i remember one time go for it sarah was like yeah sarah was my pa she's like yeah open up but i remember one time when i was speaking to this guy you know after jack and i was going to a lathe this was one of the biggest photo shoots for tone and scott this was you know to refurbish the entire app and everything like brand new look brand new everything so much money went into this i think nearly 90 grand in production that's a lot of money [ __ ] to the money [ __ ] ton of money yeah i mean i can put down two mortgages for that yeah so as you can see like what but when we do things we do things
right i tone and sculpt and that's facts um so i remember he sat down he was like i don't know i just feel a bit you going i said what do you mean what do you think i'm gonna do go and go and you know go crazy with other men in la i'm going to work oh i don't know i don't know really insecure and i found myself thinking it was me i was like wait a minute and then i sat back and i was like no that's you you're insecure that's a problem that's not my problem when la had the best time ever with my team we had the most incredible time you know met the most incredible people came back most incredible campaign and i felt good but had i let that man sway me maybe i i may have been a bit vulnerable at the time and let's say he did sway me what if i changed my eye and didn't go that could have happened was he intimidated by you and your success do you think at the beginning yeah 100 let's be honest i'm 20 oh my god i'm 26. i'm 26. i was still 24. i'm 26 years old and you are killing the game i'll say it because i know you're too humble no i no no no no no no no i said it it's fine you didn't you say whatever you want but it's not even that it's you know when you're 26 years old and maybe you have a few things um people start to obviously feel a bit like you know i think it was people start to feel like they should have them i say something when you talk about your success i get awkward don't i i'm super awkward and i'll can i just say an observation and i think this is a society problem not you problem men aren't like that no they're not i love coming up on here and saying how much money they're making and how much they're killing it how many x wins that they've achieved um you don't seem to be as comfortable talking about your success and i feel like that's a reflection of the society we live in uh honestly it's not even that it's me i'm
very awkward with stuff like that like can i be honest i don't even check my bank accounts i let my account and deal with it i i i don't i i think for me i stay so tunnel vision and the vision so i wake up in the morning the first thing i do is check my mentions and dms and go on my community pages in that forum that's literally the first thing i do and if i start thinking about how am i going to make a billion how am i going to do this i'm going to do that i don't know it becomes a bit suffocating to the vision that you have um and i was really number driven at the beginning not financially but on instagram followers and followers the more followers it means i'm amazing the more likes it means i'm fit enough to be here you know and i got so obsessed i used to almost like not think i was good enough unless i got a certain amount of likes or followers and i completely lost sight of why i'm doing what i'm doing you know now i don't even check the likes i get i don't even check the the my statistics my team do i don't check it because i don't care what i care about is that comment that a lady saying to me oh my god this has helped me so much this has made me so confident that feeds my energy if i start thinking how am i going to get 100 million how am i going to juice that will come i'm confident it will come but it's not my fundamental you know and it's going to be focusing on something else yeah i'm focused on something else and it's not that society has made me feel uncomfortable to talk about my success it's that i've you can speak to any of my team like i just don't care about it can i be honest with you like i am not thriving to i don't know i'm not i'm not thriving to have the biggest house or the fanciest car i mean i even said to you like i don't have a fancy car a fancy house by the way
and you were like i don't care yeah you know like i don't really care about stuff like that i never i never have been like that and it's not that i'm trying to be humble it's like i literally don't give a [ __ ] i don't care about a fancy car never have done on the things that you do care about you talked about these comments and these dms you get um i imagine you know because i get a couple dms as well you get a lot not a couple you get a lot and uh how how does it feel to have that sort of responsibility when someone messages you something so deeply personal and that they're seeking advice or guidance or they're just sharing a problem with you how does that feel in terms of well how does it make you feel um when can i message sometimes because you know what to say because i'm not qualified to deal with certain situations but at the same time the contradiction with me is like you're giving that advice something yeah and i just want to acknowledge the person but i know i can't so and it would be almost irresponsible for me to try and solve their problem 100 you're not there to fix someone's problems yeah but but i think the value that i can bring is just by like listening and acknowledging but you know there's a spectrum right so you have on one end i love what you do in the other end you have people that are suicidal or that are you know and um it's it sometimes it's a lot i had this one video go viral 30 million views and it was about depression and i got 8 000 dm's that week from people on that spectrum and i just didn't know what to do i was like because when you read them some people are really really suffering and they've come to me because clearly in some cases one girl that said she'd barricaded herself in a room in egypt and she was on the verge of suicide like she didn't feel like she could speak to anyone else and sometimes a stranger
yeah is the the most safe place to you know how does it feel that that has kind of made me emotional no it didn't i did the funny thing to that i remembered that instantly this girl barricaded in a room in egypt who would watch this video and had reached out to me to for me to give her the answer she's looking for in her life which i'm not qualified to give right all i can do is be a friend in that in that situation um but but i'm sure you get messages that are you know yeah i get um messages every day thousands and um so there's two things that i've started to do one of the biggest teams we have at tone and sculpt is the customer support team right and by the way this isn't because we get influxes of emails it's because we have a person for each social facebook community manager instagram all of this stuff and the reason being is we don't need them it's because i want every single person to be heard and what you just said that is exactly what i think as well you want to be a friend i call my community familia i always use that word i always say you're my sisters you're my familia because at the end of the day i'm not here to fix your problems but i'm here to listen to your problems i'm here to be the friend that you may think you don't have in in your reality you can't fix someone's problems you can't offer you know mental health advice because if you say something wrong god forbid anything happened but you can listen you can make feel make someone feel like they're part of something and that's the best thing i can do you know yeah and you know i was i was thinking then as well about the previous topic we had i rarely switched back but before you came here today there was a question i actually wanted to ask you about because i only ask questions because i am curious myself sure and i'm trying to i think the
reason i ask these questions is i'm trying to find similarities in some way between a you know a person on your journey and a personal mind the question is are you hard to date today was one of those days in my life where i'm filming this podcast with chrissy i've got a ton of things going on i've got tons and tons of emails i'm sprinting around and like usual in my crazy crazy world i am neglecting my nutrition something that i i have done for probably the last decade and this is why huel sponsored this podcast and why i've been a huge customer for about three years and why when i was looking for a partner to work with on this podcast hill was the company that came to mind it's a company that helped me with my nutrition and for me to stay sort of nutritionally complete as is huel itself despite the fact that i have a crazy crazy unfi predictable unforgiving schedule and um i love it and it's it's such a pleasure to get to have a podcast and to have a partner in huel and then julian who is the founder and ceo where i can talk about it and the benefits it gives to me in such an authentic way if you've not tried huel and you are someone that frequently neglects your diet whether it's through busyness whether you forget to have meals because of whatever's going on in your life i implore you just to try it just to check it out um they and heal comes in many different like shapes and sizes there's the powder they've got like the savory meals now and they have the bottles and for me i've always loved the bottles um so it's yeah it's a pleasure that you'll sponsor this podcast and support us in this mission and they're the reason that we're going to be scaling this podcast up big time i was just chatting to um chatting to some of the production crew that worked with me and jack and dom and i was saying that um now we have a partner on the podcast we can really take this up a level
you've seen me taken up one level this season already we're gonna take it up even further and that's in terms of production in terms of the guests in terms of what we can invest into this into this um piece of content so thank you to huel check it out try the chocolate flavor let me know what you think if you are a hula gun right and um i appreciate you listening back to the podcast the question is are you hard to date um oh [ __ ] yeah i think so i think i am i'm not gonna lie like okay so here's the thing right i'm super loving when i'm with you i'll do anything for you like i'll look after you i'll make you feel special it's gonna be like but if you like it but no no like honestly like even i i can honestly say like even sarah and my pa will tell you like i fall hard in love yeah i head over heels for someone i'll fall so hard for you um but i also fall so hard out of love for you oh [ __ ] that's the issue of me and that's facts and i hate that about myself so much it's the one thing i hate the most about myself i'm a switch you do something to annoy me or you do something to kind of like it's bad it's not healthy like i people think i'm superwoman i've got my own problems this like i want my own issues i feel so in love with someone and then if i don't see that same level of love back i'm like [ __ ] this [ __ ] self-defense yeah i do think in relationships i'm really i'm really defensive and you know what i can't believe i'm admitting all this but yeah i i would say i am and i think that um what are you defending yourself from i don't know okay why are you are you hard to date yeah okay so so are you defensive christy this is all about your diary well come to me no i want to know what you're defending yourself from because you you literally said if i didn't get the same type of love back
okay okay so you're obviously very motivated you're very inspired you're very like driven right thanks you're welcome i'm the same like i just want to keep going i want to grind i want to grind so if i see someone kind of just not doing the same infuriates me like i'm almost like how can you not have passion for something how can you not have a try for something and then it leads me to believe that hold on a minute if i did have the same person that had the same level of drive would we be compatible maybe i do need someone a little bit more like low-key because then it will make me feel a bit calmer when i'm home it's all over the gap i don't know what i want women don't know what they want stop asking women what we want we don't know what we want we don't know what we want but what i can say is i think sometimes when we overthink things especially me i overthink relationships all the freaking time i think sometimes it's a good idea to just take a step back and just relax a bit because if someone is genuinely there for you willing to listen willing to take care of you and willing to always always put effort in stop being a [ __ ] pretty much you know i i me personally i'm i'm difficult to stay i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie i don't even feel bad saying that i felt quite free saying that like i'm i'm difficult today so no one said you should feel bad no i i am and i i feel bad for the guy but so i really want to dig into that because i can really really relate and that's why i started laughing because i've gone over the same predicament in my head thinking maybe i need someone that's super ambitious and has loads of passions and there's a flagship person and then i thought but then maybe they'd drive me crazy because you know and then so i flip-flop and usually when i'm with one i think i want the other same and then yeah and then when with
that i'm like nope yeah that's literally me yeah i'll like maybe we can figure this out today i honestly can't and i think you know what it is i think it's because we are people that are constantly switched on yeah like neurotic obsessive obsessive like with work with this with that i'm not obsessive in a relationship like if someone tries to tell me what to do with my life i'd be like no way and i couldn't imagine ever trying to tell someone what to do with their life like if you want to do whatever you do whatever you want to do that's your life you live it the way you want to live it um so because i'm obsessive with my life and my career i'm constantly switched on so if someone around me isn't i almost feel like i don't know she doesn't think they're a bum oh my god i think that's true it's true yes i know it's so true and then do you find yourself feeling a bit lazy yeah but also i i'm like steve don't tell him because you're passing your own world view and your own values onto someone else who doesn't want it yeah and you shouldn't be trying to change people out here you accept them oh my god that is me i'm literally like what do you mean you don't want to be ambitious in life what do you mean you don't have a passion what do you mean and i go crazy in my head and this is happening in my head whilst i'm looking at the meat do you know what i mean like let's say i'm like let's say we're we're at dinner i'm having a full-on-blown conversation in my head like what do you mean i'm not ambitious what do you mean you don't want this and he's just chilling you know you're not doing anything wrong and then i have to let you take a breather and be like what am i doing i can't i can't push that on to someone i can only push that onto myself i need to chill out
connected to this maybe maybe not your parents hard working oh my god so hard working um came from another country came from another country um immigrated at the back of the lorry you know i immigrated back of banana lorry yeah and um i remember we landed in france and my family got arrested because we were immigrants and they separated us so they put me my my brother in one room my dad in another room he could see him through the glass and i remember crying and crying and crying like dad dad dad i didn't know what's going on i was four years old but i still remember that i'll never forget the the prison room was turquoise i'll never forget that and when we came to this country my mom and dad worked hard my mom worked three jobs my dad worked as a hb1 lorry driver every single night you know every penny they had they saved they saved they saved um my dad had a pretty bad gambling problem i'm gonna be honest my mum was constantly trying to like fix that problem and i've never actually mentioned that ever before ever and as much as i love my dad with my entire heart and and i want nothing more for him to be happy it caused a lot of strain on my mum like trying to feed her family trying to like work hard trying to save trying to take us on holiday you know um so to save money and then to have the person you love gambling away it's like what's the point like i don't understand why i'm with this person but in my culture you don't leave the man you're with you're stuck with them but my mum even though he was like that my mum loved and loves my dad so much it's pretty bizarre because that would be enough to take anyone off but she just believed in him he doesn't do any more believed in him and nourished him and loved him so much and together they grew better um so for me if i have a man and he like places a bet on something it triggers me to think he's going to be
gambling and i'm like oh my god no sorry out he's put one bet down and i think he's canvased you know what i mean it's crazy so i asked that question for a reason gone um because we've we've established that we have very much similar traits and relationships that we we tend to really value hard work and ambition and it tends to be the case that the value we attribute to hard work and ambition probably comes from a childhood where um hard work and ambition were the thing that might have got us out of some [ __ ] let me tell you from my example all right so very much the same as yours but switch the parents so i came from africa i was born in africa came to the uk my dad had like a pretty good job but my mom you could all call it a gambling addiction she had this she has both gambling addiction on one hand because she played there was probably a thousand lottery tickets if i opened any drawer in our house okay but on the other hand she she was she was she couldn't stop starting businesses to the point that the reason why we were so poor we never had birthdays or christmases or went on holiday at all ever period was because my mom spent all the money trying to become a millionaire by starting these businesses they'd all fail within six months because she can't read or write and my dad was the unconditionally loving calm supportive won't leave you even though you're an absolute [ __ ] parent right so there's one yeah so in my house i think when i think about why i am the way i am now i think money was such a big problem that in our house it was the cause of so much pain mm-hmm same that i grew up valuing it so much and the thing that would get you it which would to me would be like you know my what i thought was happiness was like hard work ambition like my parents worked so hard that they
wouldn't even be that in the house when i went to bed or when i woke up and so i value hard work and ambition because my parents taught me it because it was the cure to our problems right so and especially as immigrants right there's a different there's like an immigrant vibe i get you yeah i get you don't we don't even have to talk about i just get you so like this is part of the reason why i think in relationships when someone doesn't have those values when they don't value hard work and ambition i'm like what the [ __ ] is wrong with you yeah there's probably something wrong with me i don't think there's anything wrong with you i think i i'm i'm not going to sit here and think there's something wrong with me not wrong it's like it's the result of my traum my traumatic childhood experience maybe i wouldn't change it for the world do you know what it is i swear to god i think it's it's the fact that okay so a lot of people when we moved to england i was never allowed to like go to stay over other friends houses my dad is super strict like i couldn't even wear skirts around him absolutely not forbidden and so when i did used to go to my other friends houses like english culture it was a completely different vibe like their family was different like their moms and dads were different and then when i'd come to my house it was different and i didn't understand it so my dad has always wanted me to marry an albanian man it's like his dream he's like please marry an albanian man you two will be amazing together like this and i'm like dad i don't care what he is so long as i'm in love and it happens to be that the guys i've been with have been english and the cultures are completely different and it it i don't understand like sometimes when they do things i don't understand examples like okay so in my household mediterranean loud proud like
very like good really yeah super loud i am super loud i love it but you know you come to my house and my mum will have dinner ready for you my mom will buy you slippers to make you feel like home you know and she'll she'll welcome you hug you kiss you on each cheek but then when i'd go to jack's families for example as much as they were so loving so caring it just wasn't the same like you'd have dinner different times or and i didn't understand it because i've been brought up in a family where everything's together like togetherness and everyone's got each other's backs and everyone's solid so to have a different culture thrown into the mix sometimes it does clash and it does like cultures are different but that doesn't mean one culture is better it just means it's different so it's up to you whether you want to learn both cultures and and meet in the middle it would be easier if i went for an albanian guy because their cult culture is the same and i've been brought up in that culture but obviously jack's culture is completely different so i've had to kind of like you know find the middle find that that middle ground i guess i don't know what you call it but find that balance are you scared that you might not ever meet the right person all the time i'm all the time scared i'm 26 years old and as women we're told we have a time frame if you're not 30 you have kids you're too old if you if you have kids at 40 what kind of mum are you all this bloody [ __ ] around us all the time see how much pressure that adds as a woman all the time so much pressure you got to get married you got to have kids you got to be a mom you got to be a mum before 30. oh that's when i like breathe out so much pressure and it petrifies me it honestly petrifies me because a lot of people around me in my industry are married or i'll have children or have like a fiance and i had that and i almost
think to myself i had that and i let that go and sometimes you you think do you know and this is probably i'm asking this question again for my own reasons so you do you ever consider the fact that you might be too busy being entrepreneur no you're never too busy for someone you love i don't think that's the case i don't think um i'm too busy you think you're what you're doing with with your businesses and as an entrepreneur might prevent you um being uh aware and forming a healthy relationship when the prospect arises do you know what i think it is when you have a nine to five you clock out you come home you switch off you don't clock out you're working constantly even if you're in this room you're still at the back of your head thinking about your business you're thinking about something you need to do something to check off something you need to approve something to expand on so it's it's so guilty for me to say this i feel bad saying it but i could be in a room with you and i'm thinking about my companies constantly and someone who has a nine to five doesn't understand that because it's like you're switched off at five and sometimes i feel bad saying i do kind of wish i can switch off at 5 p.m but i just can't and i think it's not necessarily i'm too busy at some constantly thinking even if i'm in the room with you i'm constantly thinking about what i have to do you can make someone feel pretty lonely just by being even if you're sat next to them yeah you're often you know yeah i often say i say like when i'm with somebody my aim isn't for them to ever understand me it's just to understand that they don't understand yeah because i think i'm like too difficult to understand if i'm quiet for an hour it doesn't mean i don't love you it means that i've just got an email so true and it's just [ __ ] me and i actually don't want to always share things at home because you're offloading
yeah you're offloading and i don't want to be back because i could offload 24 7. oh trust me so can i sarah's always like oh here we go again um but it's true like you know your phone is buzzing off constantly you could get a dm by someone you could you could get a message an email and it's like oh [ __ ] really and you're just sitting watching a movie with your partner tell me about that part of being an entrepreneur i think that's why i really started the podcast in the first place was i want to hear about the [ __ ] of running a business the unexpected unpredictable life-shifting [ __ ] that happens yeah your life is you breathe and you live your businesses i think this is something people don't understand you live and you breathe your companies they are your babies no one and nothing can get in the way and no one understands that they see the money the success the followers the this the that the blingy cars whatever the hell you want to see and let me tell you the reality you don't have much time you suck at relationships you don't have many friends and the friends that you have you don't really see them um when you do have time to yourself you never switch off ever you are the biggest self-critic ever you constantly think that you could be doing better and that pressure is insane mentally and physically it drains you and um another thing is that i really just want to say um if you think a life of an entrepreneur is so glamorous this is the first time i've put on jeans in i would say i'm blessed i feel privileged i don't know how long but i don't live in jeans i live in sweats and sliders so if it sucks so much it doesn't suck and you know what i'm trying to say yeah i know exactly what you're saying but i'm also here to to try and help people understand multiple perspectives because people say
okay so you've criticized you know you've talked not criticized but you've talked about the downsides right why'd you still do it because you could just say do you know what i killed it hang up your your gym yeah your active wear clothes oh your shoes i don't know what people would say and you could say that's it i'm done why don't you oh no why not gosh the feeling i get when i when i see someone's transformation nah that fills me up like that fuels me when i see a transformation when i see someone who had um a mental a mental health disorder or an eating disorder and has is now thriving do you know that is so unexplainable that nothing else matters i'd rather not have a relationship to be frank with you i really am not that fast so long as i can continue to help as many women as possible for me that's enough and that's why i don't stop is there an endpoint in all this i hope not okay there's no like mountain top there's no no i i think that you know you're you're told in life that you need to go to school you need to go to university you need to achieve this right so then you achieve this and you are not satisfied so you need to achieve this and then this and then this i don't have goals for financial status for awards for anything like that i had maybe two goals and i've achieved one of them which i won't share because it's actually very top secret but you'll see it next year okay um but if you have these um tangible goals i'm thinking now what it is i'm like you finally married an albanian man i'm like what oh yes daddy i did no no i didn't i didn't no i'm not married nope that's actually very depressing
thank you um but no it's like you you goals are like you you know when you wrote in your diary i want a range rover right you got a ranger or what then just total anti-climax yeah well i want a million dollar house cool what then you're lonely in your house your house is so big you don't know what to do with it by the way my house is not so big i don't want to do it i need more space but you see what i'm saying so i don't have those types of goals because they're not attainable is there a point in when you're building the businesses you run where you had your worst ever day because i can think about the worst days that i've had in business what was the what was the one that sprung to mind straight away oh god um okay so when i'm i'm a woman in tech right so with an app there's complications that you are not even prepared for there's maybe a bug maybe this maybe that so obviously when this lawsuit was happening to get my app back um from the developers from the old developers it was a third party company and when we transferred it to brand new servers that are obviously you know pretty much ours um because servers are just so huge but um i didn't know anything about tech when i started now you speak to me tech i know tech language okay so it's actually i'm very proud because for someone who literally didn't understand what the hell the server was i was like what's the first time you heard about it there's a bug did you think oh lady bird i honestly don't like it's embarrassing but when the transition happened the whole app went right shut down and imagine when you know when instagram shuts down people like oh my god instagram sucks like fu instagram okay but this is my company now so when it shuts down it's like i can't i can't i can't pay for my employees i can't pay for my office i can't do this i can't do that
when it shut down my whole face shut down with it i was like [ __ ] what do i do now this is it we lost 10 000 subscribers in one day okay you times 10 000 by 13.99 yeah it's a lot of [ __ ] money a lot of money in one day gone gone that was probably the one of the worst days and i just sat back and i looked at jack and i just said to him what the [ __ ] do we do now jack b and jack he was like don't worry we'll gain them back on don't worry why are you stressing this is what happens well would you be while we're stressing idiot what do you mean he's like chill out but um yeah that was probably the worst day and i just remember i i lost so much weight right i lost i would say i was 56 kilograms i went down to 49 in like 56 yeah i went down to 49. seven kilograms yeah but i went down to 49 so can you imagine in what space of time um three weeks to four weeks i couldn't keep anything on i wasn't eating i wasn't sleeping i lost everything then me and jack parted so and i was still producing videos still producing content still how long was the up down for it was down for three days three days and i was still producing content going on instagram don't worry guys like we'll still get out there i wasn't eating wasn't sleeping wasn't doing anything i just broken up the person i was going to marry i was in a house with my dog the house that i built with the man i was supposed to be with i didn't know what the hell i was doing anymore at that point i thought i thought i should give up not gonna lie but yeah i was like this is it now no no i'm giving up i've got my law degree i'm gonna go back to doing that this is just too much stress and then i did and i just kept going just kept going something inside me was like you just have to keep going please don't give up please don't give up chrissy you talked about um your own battles
with mental health um over the years i think i think i read that you you said you'd suffered with depression at various stages yeah early on can you tell me about that yeah huge like i mean a lot of people see a very picture-perfect image on instagram which i'm to blame just like everybody else you want to you want to showcase the best bits of you nothing wrong with that you keep doing you if that works you keep doing you but i have been in such dark places that i couldn't i couldn't picture wanting anyone to feel what i felt in those places even someone i resent not that i resent anyone but i wouldn't even want that for them these dark places suck you in so much that you honestly start to contemplate whether you just want to stop feeling that feeling period like just be done with it and i'll never forget i was laying in bed one day and i was so depressed so depressed that i just thought to myself it'd be so much easier if i wasn't here that's so much easier just quit just leave and i cried myself to sleep and i woke up the next morning and it almost felt like in my dream i'd made it happen if you know what i'm trying to say without saying it and i just thought i need to stop because i cannot go on like this and i think when i try and explain to people i've i know those dark places i've been in those dark places they don't believe me because they see me for the person i am today they don't see the person that fought so hard to be where i am today mentally not even about the success the business is mentally that's the most important thing up here this is the most important thing you can have all the money in the world all the businesses in the world you can have 300 employees multiple companies who gives a [ __ ] about that if you up here are so not okay so yeah i've been through dark places but i've also picked myself up multiple
times and i've had to brush my shoulders off and get [ __ ] done and that's why i keep saying to every single person out there you have to do this for you do this for you this is the the biggest and most important thing i can say to you and now that you have you know you've built this empire this little fitness empire which is rapidly growing do you ever find yourself in those dark places even today yeah not as bad um but i find myself um i find myself wondering if i'll ever have like a somewhat normal life so like what we discussed will i ever find someone again will i be in love will i get married will i have children like i want children i want to be married i believe in those things i want those things but sometimes i wonder if those things are going to happen for me and i do wonder i just maybe need to stop overcomplicating things in my mind but i can't switch off and maybe the only way i know to switch off is just to quit you see what i'm saying it's a vicious circle but if i quit i'll be so angry at myself for quitting it's like ongoing it's constant it doesn't stop so um and do you think part of that fear comes from the fact that you believe the way you are now and how you live and work now and how obsessive you are now is probably not like conducive or um it's probably not going to allow that other all those other things you want to yeah to come true right so like you think well something's going to have to give at some point is that i do i'm not going to i i literally think like that i'm not gonna lie like so when when toner scope was built um we i didn't i honestly didn't realize it would grow the speed it did with little to absolutely no marketing expenditure so everything's been hyper organic in the space of 12 months we now have a team of 22 people when it was just me and jack 12 months ago 22 people an office in in in london we know what the rent is like in london it's
off the chain um 120 growth you know month by month it's rapid growth we've just launched a brand new trainer um who is like insane and um i keep saying to myself okay when i get to this point i can relax and i say that to sarah all the time i keep saying i keep mentioning sarah but but because she is the one person that knows me probably better than my own blood because she's with me everywhere i go and she is the person i speak to about a lot of things so i always say to okay when i get to this point with tone and scope i can breathe and bless her she's like yeah yeah she knows in her head i want more and i want more but it's not i want more it's that i believe we can do more and i believe we can do more and strive for more so when does it end when does it end it doesn't end that's what i'm trying to say so you have to make peace with it you have to make peace with the fact that it's not supposed to end but you also have to make peace with the fact that you need to make maybe some self self self-adjustments and and be a bit critical with yourself because if you're going in a relationship and constantly thinking that that person should be on your level that's that's my problem i need to deal with that's not their problem you know it's not fair on them how'd you deal with that i think it i think it takes time i think you're not sure are you no i'm not sure about your body language oh god i figured that one out it's okay to not have it figured out right i don't have it figured out and i'm someone who doesn't like not having things figured out right yeah yeah i get that um but i do think i need to stop being so mean it's this balance right between trying to figure it out now because you kind of want to be able to have a plan and have you know but then also realizing that you
shouldn't overthink this thing and that you should maybe just you've literally made me feel in this podcast like i'm the most impossible person to be with i'm not i'm just asking the questions oh no no i can't lie i'm not going to lie just to make myself sound good no it's it's a very important part of being a successful person that it has this crazy neurotic obsessive brain yeah i do ambitious and that's but also has these other things they want and life is a drop at you you can't have everything at the same time so what we're talking about now is like compromising how you reach that compromise in your life if possible i'm in the same place i have no idea how that's gonna happen but do you do you want kids i do want kids do you want to get married um i'm not so concerned about the concept of marriage but i want to have a long-term partner because i want to have kids and so i'm willing to commit long-term if it's a marriage if it's signing some other piece of paper if there's no paper i like don't really care too much about the whole marriage thing if it matters so much to the partner i'll do it but i don't i was saying on the last podcast no i see what you mean i don't have a great case for why the law or or a religion should be involved in love i don't think it has a great track record with love yeah so i'm like i think that's an idea which we all as a society need to just reconsider yeah what you mean like i'm gonna my closing statement on this point is we are all so different you are different from me only a little bit but then like you're different from your assistant and i'm different from mine and my friends from school so logically you would think the answer to how we form our romantic connections would also be unique and different like and i think at any time in life where the script tells you everyone has to go through this door when you are a different shape it's like putting a triangle in a square
like of course i think that's when you have to question things so i got kicked out of school because i just stopped going dropped out of university after one lecture and i've tried to navigate my life my way through life just rejecting the things that i meant to just accept blindly and marriage is one of them where i'm like can i achieve all the things i want to in a relationship without that paper yeah and i put on my linkedin last week i said um i basically said to the world i think marriage is a concept we need to reconsider for everyone someone proved me wrong and one guy commented he said i've been in a marriage for 45 years we love each other we've done this i said could you have done that without the marriage yes okay then yeah so but you would do it if she or i don't know he whatever maybe but then i need to be honest here because you know if they really wanted to get married i'd ask them why they really wanted to get married i'm not gonna lie i am the same like for me a piece of paper doesn't define my love for you okay let's talk about this then so why do you why do you want to get married do you know what it is like this is me being a woman i just really want to dress we can do the wedding like that's marriage is different from a wedding in a ceremony someone said that on my post yeah i guess yeah i mean look my my dream wedding would genuinely be like on the beach having like burgers and beers with the closest friends and families running in the ocean i don't want it like a big fancy party i feel like you just described your dream day yeah literally if you could do that like this week but if i said to you because you're so busy if i said to you what's what do you want to do right now i bet anyone and you'd say you know what i'd love to be on the sofa and just eat my favorite food for the people i love yeah of course right of course yeah over going out getting smashed of course
that's what i'm saying but a lot of people the only thing is my brain is like go on your laptop and check your emails see that's what i mean because you're upset because i love it you know what i mean yeah but what i'm saying is to other people they want a big wedding a big big fuss i hate fuss i absolutely hate fuss over me and it's so funny because like even my team surprise premier surprise birthday party i was so awkward i was like don't ever do that again i i hate all eyes on me yes although my business is built on all eyes on me do you see how that's so contradictory it's the same i used to my previous assistant um who ended up being my girlfriend long [ __ ] story which we're not going to go into whoa i don't actually know if sophie so my current assistant sophie's been with me for four years i know she knows this but sophie do you know this do i do have i ever said to you when it's my birthday or when it's like social change anniversary to not make a fuss about it and the reason why i say this is because i get so much attention as it is and so much fuss for like being the founder being the ceo the eyes are always on me you just don't want it you're like no no no no yeah the same right i'm the same and i always just feel like oh i don't know so that's why my dream wedding day if that day will come is to just oh my god 20 30 people max closest friends and families my my dog there and just to have the person i love and i always say i want to be in a room full of people and look at the person i love and just me and him understand each other you know what i mean that feeling where you look at them and you're just like i get you i get you and that's that's what i crave that's what i want and you're right a piece of paper doesn't define that feeling only you define that feeling in that person so i don't need a piece of paper you're right um i guess i just want the concept are you scared of death who me no not at all
hear me no i'm not i'm i'm not are you no i'm not no i'm not like um i'm scared of not living yes i'm scared of like i really want to do things i want to explore i want to do things i want to you know my my dream vacation would be to not have my phone there i don't care about a selfie i don't care about this i just want to be present in the moment and if i if i told you that you were going to die a week from now what would you so much what would you regret so much tell me not living just working there you go not living like as much as i love doing what i l what i do i'm not gonna lie i i've built what i've built telling people to look after themselves and i forget to look after myself and that's why when i do train and when i exercise it's the only time i do feel like i'm doing something really special for myself and i've like i do a lot of skipping right amazing at skipping by the way thank you i watched you the other day i was like oh my god did you like i thought i was a good skipper no and i saw you like dancing while skipping and i was like oh she's [ __ ] of course she's doing like a double crossover and i just had to i started to feel really inadequate and insecure as a man it was fine so i just had it it happens all the time but you know why i skip why is that uh you have to be [ __ ] present because if you're not present you get whipped right and when i'm skipping i literally feel like i can't think about anything else but the rhythm and for someone who's always on switched on someone who's always doing things you know people always tell me go go meditate do yoga can i [ __ ] yeah can i [ __ ] i'm like i let you go to meditate and i'm thinking about my my to-do list like but when i'm skipping i'm so engrossed in it yeah that i'm literally so present in the moment and it makes me feel alive same thing with training i'm so engrossed in training and that's why so many women when i say
to them just train you're a mom you got to think about your children you're you're a student you've got to think about your studies you're trying to trying to make money because you don't know when you're going to pay your rent just train it's the one moment that you can ignore the entire world and do something for yourself so i really want to loot background to this point about if you were to die next week oh you were trying to avoid it yeah i was because you know the answer yeah but i want to hear the answer because i'm asking this i would feel the same way right maybe feel awkward my palms are sweating it makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable right it does because i love my job so much like i love what i do it it i thrive off it but on the flip side i do wish i was so i'll stop being such an annoying little [ __ ] and just take some time off for myself you know let's stop being so annoying to yourself chrissy just take some time off it's okay it's okay to go do things you love doing like traveling obviously right now it's pandemic but you know what i'm trying to say like travel like maybe take a week off and just breathe um but i can't i can't i don't know what's wrong with me i just can't are you the same i'm the same is there something again i'm just exploring this is there something strange about that where you feel like you know you're saying you're saying i can't it's like you don't have a choice but at the same time you're telling me that if you were to die next week you would regret not living yeah oh my god this is such a heavy-laded question um i feel like i feel like this is the therapy session i needed but it's it's so true what you've just said you've literally just you've shut me up you've shut me up because i can't you're like like [ __ ] [ __ ] shut her up but it's true like i can't stop working because
something keeps telling me i can't stop right now not yet but on the flip side if i was to die next week i'd regret not taking some time off for myself to do the things that i love doing i love going to museums no one knows that a lot i literally love looking at things but you think that's a waste of time i do right now right now yeah and time is every entrepreneur's biggest asset time is everything how could it possibly be a waste of time if it's the thing you would regret the the reason why i think this death question is so revealing is they they do all of these there's a a lady called bonnie ware who was um she worked with um i think it's called palliative patients which are people that are about to die they've gone home to die and she asked them the question what are your biggest regrets and she wrote it down and she was doing this for years and she wrote a blog about it and there's a certain sort of retrospective clarity you'll get in that moment when there is nothing going forward for your life about how you should have made your decisions in that moment you can imagine only the things that matter people what that girl said about your hair none of this [ __ ] won't [ __ ] matter the playground [ __ ] none of it will matter you'll just be left with the things that truly mattered and so putting yourself in that mindset i call it like deathbed thinking allows you to look at how you're living your life now and see if it's in accordance with the things that will matter in that like final moment and so i asked this question because i think the same about me i'm like if you told me today i had four days left to live i'd be like why didn't i have a better relationship with my family yeah why didn't i go see my niece i don't have a relationship with my brother well yeah you know i have a [ __ ] relationship with my with my mom in particular yeah i don't see my niece and my two nieces enough i've probably seen them i know
three or four times she's maybe three years old she's only two hours away and so i think these things about myself and i think okay so but what are you sacrificing have you made a change because no one's ever asked me that see the question is now you've asked yourself that i think it'll always be there but but it won't be but no one's ever asked me that so now you've got me thinking oh [ __ ] i need to get sarah to put me holiday because [ __ ] me i need to live my life but it's like in all honesty i'll probably leave today and keep doing what i'm doing day in day out until at some point you'll learn this lesson the hard way facts and you know um recently one of the most important people of my life passed away the woman that gave me a home you know um you know you know you know my best my best friend holly who is literally my sister her mom gave me a home when i was homeless and you know she didn't once mentioned the months she left let me live there the food i ate the hot water i used not once ever brought it up and i saw her on her dying bed right and i held her hand and i just kept thinking to myself nothing matters at this point and you know what holly said to me she goes i would have called you sooner but i was scared you were doing something and at that point i i it hit me like i looked down i went never say that again you call me when you need me i'm always there for you but it's the fact that we've the people around us know how busy we are that they sometimes feel like oh maybe i just shouldn't the most important people even my mom doesn't know she goes i don't call you babe it's okay i know how busy you are and i say so no you call me when you want me and you need me and it's not that you've told people not to call you right it's that they think that you're just so busy that it'll be a disruption because you've made them feel
that way yeah yeah i'm to blame 100 and you know you have to take a step back and you have to realize what matters in life and that for me that moment there i just realized to myself and i messaged every single person i loved the most and i said i don't care how busy i am i'm always here for you always so that's a real personal moment for your best friend and i'm i imagine you said earlier that you don't have many friends um i have acquaintances but like close friends you know like friends no i don't think i don't think a lot of people do that if you really like ask i don't have many friends yeah like i have people that are there like acquaintances and i have people that i would genuinely die for those are my friends you know and i can count them on my hand polly is one of them other people have more friends is that a fair statement typically yeah sure but i don't really care if you have more friends than me to be honest i'm happy with the people i have because you have more friends with me doesn't make you more superior or makes you a better person because you have more people around you it's just you know i'm only 26 i don't know how many friends i'm going to have at 62. so i have friends do you see what i'm saying probably less maybe yeah according to the days maybe but at the same time i couldn't have asked for better friends that i have now and the friends i have now would protect me and look after me and they know i would do anything for them that's what matters not having a hundred friends i want one good friend not a hundred random friends so i i asked that question because i think i've definitely struggled to make and to hold on to friendships because of the way i've been over the last decade in the same way relation like normal
relationships i found that i don't invest enough in my friendships as much as i probably should okay i'm going to be completely honest um people come and go right people come and go and it's so bizarre because i know it sounds crazy but i've pretty much built a virtual community right and i feel like that's my team even though i may have not met these women physically i feel like they get me more than the people in my own life is that weird do you think that's weird you think it's a bit weird don't you be honest i don't know if it's like i speak it's unusual it's a very curious thing you've just said yeah like you should i don't know if you've ever seen or maybe not but when i go on a live workout and i work out with with with hundreds of thousands of women i don't see them they see me but i feel the energy i i can't explain it to you i i sound crazy right now and people probably think i'm an absolute crazy psycho weirdo but let them think what they want when i'm like reading a dm right or when i'm going live for a workout or when i add a new workout on and when i repost people because you you see i repost a lot of people right um and half the time i don't even tag tony sculpt i just repost the woman with a sweaty selfie or whatever and that to me i almost feel like that's enough friends like i have friends for life this is my family my unit my team my tribe and as crazy as i may sound i feel like that tribe understands me more than the people in my life so that's when i go on social media and you see me understand that's me because i feel like we're friends and you get me and it's crazy because they do get me and i get them
they get my sense of humour they get me trying to dance on camera and be stupid i don't care i sometimes forget i have 2.3 million followers and i come friends well i sometimes forget right have you seen that i come online and i don't have makeup on i forget i genuinely forget and i'm like oh [ __ ] my skin's a bit crusty right now and i just posted that to 2.3 million people what's my crazy ass thinking and i sit back and i'm like oh okay i don't care but the nature of the internet is that you would of course you've got 2.3 million people there's a lot of people in there that are hurting themselves and that want to make you feel like [ __ ] too can i be honest i'm very lucky really yeah i'm very lucky man i don't get much negativity i don't and when i do um if like someone's been horrible on a post because i have i have a big insecurity about my boobs all right like they're they're saggy i'll say it and cool i've always had a big insecurity about it i remember this one one girl just ripped them to shreds she was just like ill like they look disgusting and saggy i didn't even see the comment until i started seeing the community members reply back to her now there's a difference between replying back to someone and being like you need to stop that was hurtful and then replying back meanly if you're replying back me that's not nice like you you don't cure hate with hate right so if i see someone being really nasty so i don't like that like i'd rather you not defend me i don't want that you don't know what that girl's going through just because she's being mean to me you don't know what she's going through the pain she must be in you don't know but when i see someone like hey says like you need to chill because that's not nice you don't know what that comment could do to someone that's a team that's a community that's the family right there so i'm pretty blessed i don't get as much negativity as maybe other people i'm pretty pretty blessed touch word
that doesn't change um but listen i i don't know how to explain it to you and i'm gonna sound hella crazy right now but the the community i have man it's something special like special it's something that it's it's unexplainable the feeling they give me and that to me is my friends as weird as i may sound and lonely as i sound so some of the things you're working on right yeah so you've got a book coming out yes which is exciting tell me about this so exciting so i'm officially an author oh my god um so my book do this for you how to be a strong woman on the inside and out is not your average fitness book so i'm pretty sick and tired of 20 day challenges and kind of telling women that oh my god do this 20 day challenge and you're going to lose 10 pounds oh shut up it's draining jarring stop i'm going to teach you how to create habits discipline consistency longevity that's what it's about you know all the programs on the toner sculpt app are some of them are year long it kind of goes against the typical sales sales script of something with status quo like small effort from you big results that's what sells right yeah five days you'll lose 100 pounds yeah you know but that's very honest of you and i think that's real right yeah no you're not you're gonna lose weight of course of course you're gonna lose weight if you're doing stupid amounts of cardio cutting out specific food groups and you're literally depriving yourself of course you're gonna lose weight not sustainable is it sustainable no so the way i always say is funny enough in a relationship if you're constantly just like horrible to someone all the time is that sustainable not really you have to nourish you have to love you have to care you have to show effort consistency that's what works same thing with training it's the constant effort you put in day in day out that will make a
difference so it's all about disciplines habits yeah and it's a book that you know what in all honesty it's a book that i know when someone reads they're going to pass it down right it's one of those books you read it and it gets you thinking it's a thinking book so i did the audio book for it as well last week and when i was reading it i was like damn that's good i was like i know someone's gonna read that yeah yeah listen to it like yeah and it's true it's a thinking book i ask you what your why is so if i say to you what what is your why why is it that you want to train i've been over this a lot but uh i mean like the thing that i keep trying to get my myself away from is having a really extrinsic why that's like i want to look good for summer because when summer ends and i look good that [ __ ] is done there we go that's a lot of people's why's yeah i want to lose weight for my wedding dress i want to lose weight for this for an occasion occasion occasionally yeah timeline timeline yeah the occasion comes what then you fall off a cliff yeah it's not a sustainable why so i teach you how to gain a sustainable why which is fundamentally the most important foundation you need for fitness then i teach you habits you don't think twice about brushing your teeth why think twice about your health why think twice about your health your health is the most fundamental and important thing you need to live you need to get one of them as well and why are you thinking twice about it why are you viewing fitness as a chore you're viewing your health as a chore that's a shame your body deserves more whenever you've heard people speak about health like this in a society where women are driven by fat loss pills and quick quick fad diets and intense workout sessions it's time to stop it's time to tell you that you need to calm the [ __ ] down remember your why remember how important
your health is and understand that if you have a bad day it's okay it's okay to have a bad day so that's what do this for you is all about it sounds amazing i'm gonna read it thank you um we'll we'll link the pre-order as well in all of the in the podcast and also on the youtube video i wanted to ask you what other things you're working on i know you just launched a an active wear line that looks pretty awesome they are god has so many issues with that to begin with but we got there in the end got there in the end honor active um honor active is fundamentally i was actually building the mission and the vision for it last week um and one of the things i said is that i don't want it to be a trendsetter why because i don't i don't want my brand to be something that people just kind of like buy because it's trendy and that's that i want on active to be something you go back to time and time again so all of our collections have certain names like the first collection is called classic because you're always going to come back to it it's designed with specific material that you always come back to it the next collection is called timeless and then our winter collection is called effortless so it's designed to have a concept that it's your best friend always and forever that it doesn't matter what year it is you're still going to love honor active because trendsetters they come and they go you have your 15 minutes fame and then it goes yeah but i want something to be sustainable if you look at nike lululemon the biggest brands in the world they don't have fancy stuff some of the best lululemon leggings are the most simplest ones you'll ever find but they're trusted and they're loved and that's exactly what i want honor to be i'm not here to start trends
sorry i'm not here to start trends i'm here to ensure that you pick up your leggings and you trust this product that's my goal for honor active on to the next business no toner sculpture toner scott was still like obviously my number one baby in an honor active of course but what we done with toner sculpt um we launched a brand new athlete danielle wilson i don't know i i clicked on her profile she followed me i was quite uh she loves you oh my gosh she's going to be so excited yeah she's like oh my god she always reposted and i was like yeah he's all right i'm joking she's like oh but now she is very special um because i approached her and the reason why i want to talk about her briefly in this in this podcast is because i think it's very important she's a 200 pound african-american woman 5 foot 11 not your average fitness guru right so why would tone and sculpt want her she's not your average fitness guru why would you want someone who women are scared to think that's what fitness looks like let me tell you why because fitness for such a long time is not about the way it looks it's about the way it makes you feel she trains because it makes her feel alive she's an athlete yeah she trains athletes she is an athlete built like an athlete that's what i wanted for my brand so when i approached a year and a half ago i slid into her dms and i was like i am every day inspired by you and i didn't really think i wanted trainers other trainers on the tone and sculpt out but i what i need you i need you and on this app and she was like what are you serious like you really think i should be on the app and i was like hell yeah you need to be on this app you inspire me i know you're gonna inspire thousands of other women and it's funny because when the whole black lives
matter thing happened five other companies approached her in that month five other fitness brands and i had a face time with her and i said listen babe if they're offering you more money and you think it's a better opportunity for you i understand business is business she goes hell no i'm married to you i'm not going anywhere i'm married to you she goes but how funny is it that it took something happening for them to approach me i didn't say anything and i said to her i'm gonna let you answer that question yourself for yourself oh that that oh that week my emails were blowing right up black lives matter week i had more speaking requests more invitations to campaigns than i've ever had in my entire life you know what it is but i'm gonna be honest i'm gonna take the bag do you know what i mean yeah if you're if you're approaching me because um you think you suddenly have had this revelation that you need a black person involved fine fine i can't find uh you know what we're gonna do say no and then like they're gonna go have to go because in this case to find someone else yeah they're not and in this country when you think about young black successful entrepreneurs and jamal edwards there's the guy who made sbtv who's been on this podcast it's [ __ ] no one else like that are you gonna have to start looking at footballers if you want young black and successful and and so yeah [ __ ] and also i can use that platform as as a way to inspire other people to change their opinions in the same way obama inspired a lot of naive americans to think that oh my god a black person can be smart and intelligent and clean don't please i could just so yeah i took the bags every single bag all mine and you know what i i'll keep taking them yeah no hell yeah hell oh yeah like are you [ __ ] joking me i said i i looked at danny i said sanya on the
on the facetime it doesn't matter where you go it matters what you're going to represent yeah yeah do you understand that you're going to change a young girl's life by being somewhere being present being vocal being ambitious do it if the platform that's offering you more money is bigger do it she was like no i want to be at toner school of course because you yeah but that's just loyalty that's just her being loyal but it goes beyond bringing another trainer onto the app it's about representation it's about i'm sick and tired of fitness having one status quo fitness is not one status quo it's about to help people mentally and physically if it wasn't for fitness i would not be alive today and that's facts so what's next for chrissy what's next when you think about the future personally i don't know business amazing yeah stuff that are coming up beyond um but from a personal perspective i don't know i really don't know i don't know what's even happening tomorrow in my personal life are you happy in what sense that's the question for what in one sense in your life are you happy um i would say i'm really happy in my career and i'm really happy in my community um from a personal perspective i think i need to just take a breather and i would say i need to work on my happiness on a personal perspective a little bit more yeah for sure you're gonna do that see you're funny because you asked me the questions and you ask if i'm going to do it and then i don't know the answer to that question because i don't know if i will do it so i don't know i think i just need to i think i just need to be a bit more patient with myself and a little bit kinder to myself and less self-defensive listen um i've i've taken a lot of your time and it's been a fascinating conversation i've learned a lot about myself as well
really yeah it's like you know on many of these issues they are they're issues that anybody in the situation you know both me and you find ourselves in in life where we're running businesses and we're very busy but then we're also trying to fulfill all of our personal needs at the same time when one of those you know facets of our life is so all-consuming we feel the same things and we're confused by it we don't have the answers and as much as we want to have the answers and have control over everything because we are used to that and we strive for that in our business you know sometimes we have to relinquish control in order to be happy maybe that's a lot of the answer but thank you so much for giving me your time today but more importantly for giving me so much honesty um and where can where can people find you i mean you're everywhere so don't ask questions like you know you've got your book coming out you've got your app you've got your activewear line i'm sure people will find you and um i just want to say thank you because there's very few people out there that are a willing to be honest it takes a certain vulnerability to be that honest but it does so much for so many people and um on behalf of your community on behalf of entrepreneurs like me on behalf of all of the aspiring female entrepreneurs that are following in your footsteps a huge thank you because what you're doing it's costing you a lot but it's giving the world even more so thank you thank you so much oh you