Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jehPP5TEBlg
it is live was it was live already I was watching yeah it was the the recording thing was flashing like it didn't wasn't recording son of a [ __ ] recording you stream thing you [ __ ] you substitution for the the expensive what is it that uh my buddy Justin used yeah tricaster that's supposed to be the [ __ ] yeah they're awesome The Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by many things in which we love uh one of them is Audible um audible.com is something that I have used for many many a moon um and audible occasionally sponsors this podcast if you have never been to audible.com what audible.com is is uh it has a plethera of great like books on tape um like people who like Steve Martin like read his book and like didn't he read his book on tape yeah and he he it's it's one of the best ones that I I use Audible a lot and that's one of my favorite books on tapes ever yeah um and there's there's so many of them so many great books there they also have uh the one book that I recommend to people on a regular basis which is the war of art for any creative people it is any creative types who are trying to overcome procrastination or blocks or what you know what this guy uh Steven pressfield calls resistance it's a really brilliant brilliant book and it is available on tape as well I think that audible books are amazing um and even better um than in my opinion than than regular books because what what I use them for is when I'm stuck doing other things that do that you know if you're on a plane you're essentially wasting time unless I'm writing on a plane or unless I'm uh getting actual work done it's a [ __ ] huge waste of time but what you can read an awesome book on a plane and get like an educational experience get an enriching and exciting experience um the commute same thing you know and with the beauti beautiful thing about audible is you know you could download it to your iPod you can play it in your car you can play it at the gym it's uh it's just an awesome service and if you go to audible.com Joe um I don't know what happens when you go there it it's probably better check this out here's a sample from oh you could try audible free for 30 days that's what happens you get a free audio book and you get to try audible free that is not really
audible.com that that other Steve Martin Steve Martin playing his banjo yeah it's Steve Martin playing his banjo he's just picking bro let him pick listen he'll he's a bad [ __ ] Steve Martin one of the underrated comedians I did stand up comedy for 18 years 10 of those years were spent learning four years were spent refining and four were spent in Wild success my most persistent memory of stop it right here I'm going to get a boner and I'm going to want to hear the whole thing I know yeah I need to get that I'm going to you know what I'm going to get that that just got me excited just hearing him I [ __ ] love people even about comedy Brian gave it to me oh it's many years ago but hearing him talk about it is better it's better than the book he talks about the ice house he started up here in the ice house yeah the the ice house is [ __ ] the bomb digity anyway go to a audible.com uhj and what you get is uh you can try audible free for 30 days and you get a free Audi book so check that [ __ ] out [ __ ] and if you want to get a sexy t-shirt like the one I'm sporting here you got to go to Des squad. TV son Des squad. TV is where that's the original this is original this is the OG cat that is tattooed on numerous people all throughout the land and Kevin Pereira our friend is holding up that is the new one that is my favorite cat that that creepy cat that cat creeps the [ __ ] out of me it's like it's I love it's like playing spot the copyright violations like I just love adding them up in this shirt like I'm not down with thate to but the cat is free it's a remix it's a remix but the cat's not a remix that cat's dope as [ __ ] of course anyway um thank you everybody who came out to Toronto saw the D squad t-shirts I saw the higher primate t-shirts too the my t-shirt company I never even mentioned I'm the worst promoter ever for my own company high- prime8.com is my t-shirt company if you go there it's all t-shirts with monkeys and mushrooms it's monkeys and psychedelic drugs and I'm and I've got more coming I got some new ideas I'm [ __ ] okay there's something wrong with me obviously I'm a grown man with children of my own I have a t-shirt company that's about monkeys and drugs um we're out of a lot of sh
sizes right now but we got new [ __ ] coming and they sell so quick and that I don't talk about this is how lazy I am I don't talk about them cuz I don't want to have to replenish my Supply and call people and the work done yeah but it's my this is my company uh Des squad. TV is Brian's company so when you buy these things these are directly supporting us I also have a piece of on it.com and on it.com is the company that we've been working with for for years now um and selling nutritional supplements and I tell everybody and and that's another thing that I've had come up to me on the road that is just humbling and amazing and inspiring how many people have come up to me and said they've lost a shitload of weight since they started listening to this podcast they think about things differently that they're eating kale shakes every day I'm a big proponent of nutrition there's a huge difference between the way I feel when I'm eating healthy and when I feel when I'm not your body needs a bunch of [ __ ] to run good and science has isolated the ones that affect your mind in a very positive way and these are called neut tropics and what they essentially do is they help your brain produce more human neurotransmitters makes your brain fire quicker and makes your brain you you know that you have days when you just feel [ __ ] shitty where you can't come up with names and you're you're scrambling you your brain's like firing bad just like it's just they're not coming out even like a normal word Alpha Brain prevents all that [ __ ] for me uh it doesn't work for everybody if you're [ __ ] smoking cigarettes and not taking care of yourself I don't know how much it's going to affect you but it's like smacking the turbo button on an old 46 Tower press for me it has a big effect I I [ __ ] love this stuff I take it every day I also take shroom Tech sport it's a CPS mushroom supplement that we sell um which CPS mushroom has been showed to Aid your your body's ability to process oxygen and it gives people more endurance it was sort of discovered by uh high altitude herders they found that their cows were eating these mushrooms and they had more activity so people started eating them and it's some crazy cryptic process where you have to grow this mold on the back of a [ __ ] caterpillar
it's really yeah it's [ __ ] crazy czy like Google it or go to on it.com all the questions to all the important all the answers rather to the important questions that I'm sure you have if you're smart which all these questions cannot be answered by a [ __ ] like like myself when I tell you all these things about like human neurotransmitters I don't really know what I'm saying I'm just sort of repeating things you've read a PDF that exactly what it was saying I know what that says but I don't know what it really I could regurgitate paragraph three and it sounds science I sound smart as [ __ ] son but if you told me to spot you know like okay and the neurotransmitters do what exactly I'd be like well they make you [ __ ] awesome I'm going to put that on a t-shirt with some monkeys and sell it yeah I don't have any answers to those questions uh we also sell kettle bells and battle ropes we have a hemp protein powder that we sell that is the very finest hemp protein powder on Earth it has raw cocoa in it and Maca in it of it's [ __ ] strong I have it sent to you let me know um look and the the thing that we have the way we have it on it is that we're trying to tell you the very best [ __ ] possible everything we sell is the highest quality and it's not all cheap but it's the best you can get and for the nutritional supplements for the first 30 pills you get a 100% money back guarantee if you try off a brain you don't feel like it's doing anything for you you your money's refunded you don't even have to return the product no one's trying to rip you off we are just only trying to sell you the things that I use the things that if you can afford them they are the very best ones available the kettle bells the Troy kettle bells they're the very best kettle bells available battle ropes the very best available most of it is the cheapest we can sell it the battle ropes are the cheapest you can find on the internet the kettle bells are right up there there's literally as low as we can price them without losing money selling them so this is all like super high-end stuff and if you use a code named Rogan you will save 10% off any and all supplements that sounds like a real commercial it's so boring I want like you need an 80s style remember how they used to sell action figures in the 80s
with kids busting through like foam brick walls and [ __ ] like that you need something like that for battle ropes H battle ropes I'm going to take you down my battle rope Jimmy and then there's a smoke machine that fires up we need like an old commercial like one of those Atlas commercials where he was on the beach and someone kicks sand in his face he's like you [ __ ] and he picks up the ropes and you see his muscles take that you know when you think about the movements of battle rups it's totally like chimpanzee movements when they're beating the [ __ ] out something or they were clubbing a bride to drag back to the cave it's definitely Primal it's good for hammerfist too boom Kevin per is here you dirty [ __ ] Buckle the [ __ ] up kids strap yourself in we're ready to launch I finished to I'm in the ref experience Train by day joen podcast by night all day all night oh [ __ ] all day all night all day son controversy all over the world ladies and gentlemen Kevin [ __ ] Pereira is here [ __ ] respect dude so nice to see you again my friend so good to see you as well sir you uh you have abandoned your spot on television like a real G and stepped out into the real world man that takes balls I pulled the cord and slammed through the G glass canopy for folks who don't got hit by another plane Kevin was the host of attack of the show on G4 for Jesus how many years uh God I was with the network for 10 years and I hosted attack uh for six when did I first do your show what year was it we were probably two or three years into it so 2007 or something like that give or take seven or eight yeah it was and we've been friends ever since and Kevin's done the podcast several times we like we went to Things Remembered after the first show and we got one of those little heartbreak necklaces mine has be e on it and f r i and you have the other letters and when we put it together we summon a very sexual Captain plan I'm going to make Brian jealous right now Bri Brian has the arrow that goes through the heart that right to the knee I'll parl anything into a three which one is the male and which one's the female is the male the arrow that goes through the heart you know when the circle
yeah the m has two circles at the bottom to represent testicles really it should it should you write your own Google I'm [ __ ] pretty sure I got the answers to this to this [ __ ] yeah man it totally should right it should look like a dick why could why does it have to be like you know why does the the symbol for male who designed those things it was probably someone who really couldn't draw that well so he said here's a stick with a loop and we call that the male I bet it was a dude who designed Prince's thing when he stopped being a person same comp yeah I think that was a legal thing though I think that was one of those record companies [ __ ] you over things well tell you what if you just have a symbol your music is [ __ ] hard to torrent yeah if you're just like Alt J us as a triangle and thankfully you can type in Alt J but if you try to just try if you just have to type the triangle that requires extended asking knowledge my dad's not going to Pirate that album way too hard yeah how would you draw that's that print symbol you would have to get a font made up and then someone would have to agree to assign a key to that font and the op the OS would have to changed right iOS 6.5 that will have the Emoji and Prince icon set I don't think it's necessary I think he's Prince again you pulling up what you doing over there I think is what are you doing over there I old screen that's funny I went on Leo laort show that was wild oh Le laort was awesome man I used to love that show my wife would get so mad at me for watching that stupid show which one did you watch screen savers or call for help screen savers that was wild like this is so boring well that was the thing like it was a whole I loved it I was a super fan of tech TV and Leos and everything they did but it's wild the notion that on television where they're trying to reach a very broad audience there was an hour sometimes 5H hour marathon long show of like you got a problem with your printer driver yeah okay what model HP do you have all right let's check some dll files scroll I'm like what talk about narrow casting they're spending 30 minutes helping one person with their [ __ ] printer driver and I loved it it was awesome I learned so much sh me a lot it did me as well I think we I think
we underestimate people's attention spans to these type of things I really do MH I think people uh are very curious about those kind of and some folks aren't look there was a UFC this weekend mhm where these guys fought for the flyweight title and it was a [ __ ] amazing fight between Joseph benovitz and this guy Demitrius Mighty Mouse Johnson who wanted to win a decision and the crowd was booing they were booing because nothing they these guys were [ __ ] throwing down I mean it was they want to see the big Power shots they want to see someone get knocked unconscious it was it was so gross it was just so such a a plethora of dummies it was so hard so it's like you're never going to get away from that you're always going to have a certain percentage people are you can train people to have certain viewing habits and expectations and that's what like the Google YouTube channels that came out some people are doing 30 40 minute long shows on YouTube that are actually doing pretty well and that kind of behavior a year ago was unheard of the notion that someone would stare at this to stream video for an hour or half hour to watch a web show was unheard of so people can be trained to have different expectations of running times and length so you can you can manipulate attention spans essentially you can it can be done yeah well certain I don't think it's really manipulating attention spans I think we're underestimating people's interests in things when we started doing the podcast everybody told Brian and I that we had to shorten it were there was you have these long ass conversations man you got to shorten that and I I was like there's no way I go I don't get it just a conversation if you don't like it you shut it off if you don't have any more time left you shut off like there's no obligation to continue with this conversation but I want I like conversations that I have with my friends when we're we're up for a couple hours smoking pot or something like that and we have these really intense moments where you know I'm being aided by his intellect and he's introducing thoughts to my mind there's a real like regeneration and refreshing of the mind when you have these kind of conversations you know even if you're just talking Stone [ __ ] about you know s
simulation Theory and and and you know and whether or not mushrooms really are a portal to another dimension just stupid [ __ ] this the [ __ ] that comes out at hour two and a half around that Mark is when you get there which is why you'll never see those kind of conversations on a late night talk show where you have three and a half minutes plug your movie get to the clip get out and go people don't realize the fun and just shooting the [ __ ] with cool people and that's when you know when someone said that they were too long I'm like you're crazy like you could say just because everybody else is doing an hour doesn't mean it has to be an hour that's nuts giving them too much is way better than not giving them enough like the the idea is to just put out the best [ __ ] you can put out and if if you could keep going for after two hours why wouldn't you keep going right like it's this is what you're trying to do right you're trying to trying to tune people into this real conversation it's kind of one of the reasons that I actually ended up having to leave attack I mean there were a myriad reasons but one of those things was I was getting a chance to meet so many Fascinating People who I was passionate about and wanted to talk with and I was given four minutes live with them my first timeing you need a podcast yesterday [ __ ] the works dude you need to do one tonight right after this podcast I'll be your first guest on your podcast this isn't me tugging off strangers this is me spinning plates all right like I got I got a couple in the air I'm sure you but what I'm saying is your gift is that you're an intelligent curious guy I one of your gifts obviously you're brilliant guy talk about my eyes I love your face too you're handsome you have great bone structure Apple cannot out here if you get lost no better I'm lost already I was lost before I got here there's there's no better like like expression for or portal for expression for you than a than a podcast where you can control especially something like this where you can add video we can essentially do whatever we want it's so close to a real television show except it's not there's no ads ever you know there's ads in the beginning and then the whole [ __ ] thing runs for 3 hours yet people will still complain you
pretty much do that already though you did stick cam last night for an hour I do it randomly I'll hop on and like if if I'm in a drum I'll live cast some of my my drumming but then it always ends up with me sweaty and having an emotional outpour and then I start ranting to strangers oh I did I will press the ham up against the webcam looks like it it's a Portuguese Hedgehog just mashed against the lens this girl's right now going through your recorded YouTube Ustream videos trying to find it primarily 18 to 34y old males going through that Ustream trying to find it and yeah you're more of like a gay Crush yeah I'm am I a twink or a bear how does that work I think you just coffee like this a handsome young guy who it looks like you could be easily overpowered that's what it is there something sexual I would even fight I would scrap if it turned you on that's about it I might pot your face if I thought it would make you harder but that just that that alone that sentence is really disturbing I might fight if it makes you oh Brian and I were having that conversation before we went live of like girls that request and demand that you strike them during the act and I've been with one and it was insane and I couldn't I couldn't do it for more than more than five or 10 sessions I yeah started my wrist I've never had a girl ask me to hit her but I've have had girls ask me to rape them that's even worse that's kind yeah like I've had girls fight me off cuz oh they they want you to let yeah like she explained it to me that she wanted she wanted me to rape her and she wanted to fight me off and I was like I feel like that sentence is followed with your honor well first you can't she was asking for it we were in an alley she said let me break my nails against the concrete we never wound up doing it I should just clarify I just thought it was the craziest thing I'd ever heard in my life and I was like look I'm I'm I'm I'm into living with reality I don't know what you're trying to I'm not we barely you know we'd only been dating a little while we didn't need any fantasies yet like Jesus [ __ ] Christ like how about our regular sex life is growing stale I need a rape fantasy who you really are Who I Really Am both horny throw me into a van
and hit me with a 2×4 and then stream it no like she wanted to fight me off it was this weird thing she's like but you know that it's not so it's okay I go it's not because it's still I'm still going to do it like and you know I don't want to do that just I don't I don't want to associate like physical aggression with sexuality it's just it's tough cuz this isn't my story to really tell and I have a very close-knit group of friends but someone in that group his name rhymes with mob no no what's his name come on give up the here's the thing here's the thing no no no this it's a brilliant story he started dating and I'm him a fake I'm going to cliffnotes this here my buddy Dale oh Dale started to date a woman Sharice and Sharice told Dale it was always a fantasy of fantasy of hers to be raped but it's sort of one of those things where you can't ask to be raped because then you know and it would ruin the fantasy just always want to so after they' had been dating for no less than a year and they were both into kinky sex and weird sex circles and kind of went around in those Rose I'm not going to I'm not going to say yes but I'm going to tap my nose and wink and point your way uh so my buddy Kevin was like I mean son of a [ __ ] [ __ ] oh my God lucky kettle bells so less than a year they've been dating he arranges she's flying in from town he she arranges for three giant dudes to pick her up at the airport take her away throw her in a van pretty much run a train on her outside a gas station she's crying thinks the real thing has happened then he shows up and uh he says happy birthday and she cried and thank him and couldn't believe it they're still the together of this day wow yep that's the first time I met Kevin Rose I was invited to run a train on his girlfriend I had no idea Sarah Lane and him we were still dating [ __ ] Absolut absolutely not him absolutely not him whatever that is the namesake behind pod this is all just a joke no one but that's a crazy story man that's a [ __ ] up story and she liked it she like and so that's when I go like immediately I go you know what I want to be clear as well that's not for me not necessarily for me all right I have a rape fantasy and I would love for three dudes to run a train on me sure but I'm not going to
admit that right so not for me but on the other hand on the flip side of that coin that's [ __ ] love like at some point you go what were the odds of those two ships passing in the night one having a rape fantasy the other be willing to fulfill it in that capacity and go for it and and then say happy birthday and then say happy birthday that might be the craziest St FR of the cake is on your face that might be the craziest story I've ever heard about a man and a woman together pretty fantastic right I'm just trying to think who it is I see adames no no this isn't this isn't this is nobody that that would that's in any sort of Limelight they don't have Wikipedia it's really [ __ ] up that some you know that there's these variables because it would be nice if rape was always bad you know it would be nice if girls did not ever have a rape fantasy so there couldn't be any weirdness well who was I I can't remember which comedian it is it might have been Louis CK that had a bit about when a girl says no and she's like why didn't you go for it I cuz you said no yeah but it meant no playfully it's like I'm not going to have sex with you on the off chance that you're into that you know what I mean there's no no should really mean no and yes can mean yes but the problem is that's not what she wants she really wants you to take it which is crazy because for a woman who doesn't want that it's a horrific idea I always I always apologize after and I have a Hallmark needs to make cards for that like sorry you didn't want to be forcibly sexed yeah this girl here you go this girl I'll call an Uber for you that I dated that wanted me to rape her she got over it she only asked for it once mhm but it was really weird was that rooted in something else was she a victim of a sex crime earlier in life or something I don't think so she just liked she liked super aggression she liked aggression like she just battle rope movements on her face and back she wanted some [ __ ] drum beating she was just a wild [ __ ] I don't know I don't know what the do you still have her contact no this is many find on Facebook I don't think you can you mind if I battle r I think you should not she might ruin you I'm so tiny I would snap in half at the thought plus she's got to be like 40 now so it's over mind that I
don't mind I don't mind when the tread on the tires is worn off I'll hop in there I'll the rim it's a depends you say it's over but I saw Cindy Crawford who is like almost 50 or she might be 50 and she is still hot as [ __ ] what about Gwen Stefani isn't she like 40 something now I just saw on the at the airport on the cover some magazine and I'm like I would absolutely toss it in not that I would ever have a chance but can't say that though based on a magazine cover cuz that might as well be like a werewolf I get I get that there's there's Photoshop and Camera trickery and whatnot I get I get that that goes on have you seen those photos of Madonna recently oh my god of Skeletor yeah but then you see her in other promotional pictures and she looks hot still it's like what's going on who's lying to me someone's lying my boner is confused I'm [ __ ] really creeped out by this like that there must be a Phantom of the Opera typ would you bang Madonna knowing what she really looks like not even for the sport not for the story of it not into not even a tager ear and monitor when I later 17 I was in love with her really oh yeah a big thing for her after you loved her music well I love that movie um the the Vision Quest Vision Quest she played uh she sang a song in Vision Quest and it was like she had a couple songs on the soundtrack and the soundtrack was what I would use to train with I would always train to The Vision Quest soundtrack I had a Walkman cassette Walkman dude old school and when I would do my Sprints I would listen to that so I had this like weird crush on her because of that song awkwardly fast forward the cassette to get to the crescendo of the song before a Sprint no I wasn't so it was too difficult back then because back then it was like stop it was it was like it's not so easy yeah you really didn't quue things up I would queue up the beginning of the song right before a Sprint maybe okay I wouldn't so you did go through a little bit of that but it sucked cuz the [ __ ] cassette thing was too big so would slap against your dick while you're hard metal hard plastic SLA it against you yeah but I how fetishes are born I was into Madonna back then which is really funny because I was 17 and
then I found out she was 26 I was like damn that [ __ ] is old that's all I like she's coming up I'm 45 now I'm [ __ ] practically dead that's ridiculous meanwhile I feel great but uh I've just never been into the Madonna type I never been into like super aggressive business I just like that you took a flex break you're like I'm to put the podcast on hold and I'm just going toe and all right I'd [ __ ] me anybody else Fu right now I'd let me rape me Joe take me out behind an come on I won't bear Macy I promise and flexing I I broke loose an eyelash and it fell under my eyeball oh I hate that [ __ ] I will I will go ahead and put a key between my fingers but I'm not going to jab you with it just come and take me f how what a shitty design our eyes are that occasionally the rafters fall off into it and then you can't see like what if a [ __ ] a bear was trying to get you and eyelash fell in your eye like [ __ ] hold on hold on hold on we're going to Devol very soon we're going to be become so reliant on plastic chips in our bodies and Technology to regulate us that the body is just going to stop and be like we don't really need eyes anymore we'll figure that out with thermal I disagree I think I think it's going to be a an assimilation of yeah we're still going to have some sort of a breeding type thing going on look eventually we are going to be those great aliens there's no way around it if you look at state drives we were at the Santa Barbara Zoo the other day and got to check some gorillas out oh you actually went oh it's [ __ ] beautiful Santa Barbara is amazing man Zoo there I've been going there with my family I I I love Santa Barbara it's a gorgeous Community it's it's amazing nice little restaurants beautiful neighborhoods beautiful view the the weather's amazing and they got this cool Zoo so but all zoos bum me out if I didn't have children I would never go to the zoo CU I hate the idea of I don't mind the idea of hunting I think the hunting is the way people are supposed to live well depends on how you're hunting as well if you're paying for 5,000 Birds to be released so you can shoot them at close with a shotgun yeah like you're not really hunting [ __ ] yeah that was that's a weird thing they do with old Rich dudes they
just give them a sh shoot shoot Sam bang bang or bring you out in a Range Rover and put you within 3 meters of an elephant and hand you a rifle and just point it anywhere in his general direction and pull the trigger and they'll get a photo of you with a foot on it that's not hunting not necessarily what I mean but what I I get what you're saying bums me out is yeah what bums me out is animal prisons cages animal prisons bump me out way more than hunting cuz at least if you're hunting an animal even if you're not going to eat that animal if you're going to just give that animal away which is kind of weird like this guy Matt Hughes is a UFC champion just got in trouble with a lot of people people are angry at him cuz he went to South Africa and shot everything oh yeah she did one of those things including women and children zebra and a bunch of different animals and but even that to me it's like that still seems to be better than the [ __ ] zoo I think the zoo is one of the like the the the if you want to talk about cruelty to animals the zoo is one of the most [ __ ] up on Earth because those animals are denied all of their natural activities all of them we think that just because they have food they're okay that is madness or hey well you know what their forest was getting cut down so at least we Sav them and I'm like is that really saving them putting putting a natural animal that has instincts that are predatory and then dangling meat from a pole for it or having it Pace in a 4×4 cell and they don't even [ __ ] give them Wi-Fi they don't even have Wi-Fi they don't have anything to kill even a hot you know that's that's something that they do do in other countries like in other countries especially in Asia when they have tiger preserves they they preserve these Tigers but they feed them live goats right have you ever seen that Brian throw throw a few of those up cuz there's hundreds of them online I've seen preserves where they feed them like they fed the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park which is a goat on a chain which better than just handing it the meat that's already killed but at some point you got to let you should let the goat go you should let them actually hunt and and you know go through those animalistic behaviors yeah that that would be better
if you had like an an ecosystem right in a place but even that you shouldn't contain it it shouldn't be that this Tiger has no idea what happens if he walks 20 miles to the ocean it shouldn't be that the tiger should be able to go wherever the [ __ ] the tiger is if that's his habitat unless we choose to make them extinct if we choose they're too [ __ ] dangerous they're eating too many people and we got to start jacking them which by the way if I lived in India I'd be hunting Tigers every [ __ ] day of the week more people have died from tigers in India than anywhere in the world they had they're like just the ther bands alone is it somewhere like 300,000 people been murdered by tigers over the last 100 years and that's because they're building in their habitat or because they're trying to keep them as pets cuz poor people are living near monsters I mean it's a and the Not only that the Sunder bands is a uh it's a brackish ocean and apparently they have uh the Tigers drink this water and the water is extra salty so it makes them really aggressive it makes them irritated all the time and they're really mean yeah I had a bit about it in my act a true story about these poor [ __ ] fishermen they in a boat there was like Five Guys in a boat and this tiger swam out to the boat jumped in killed a guy dragged him through the water to the shore dropped his body off at the shore jumped back in the water to go get the other guys and did it again did it three times God he did it three times so the last two guys were just [ __ ] being that third guy in the boat you [ __ ] start paddling you got to figure something out you know what's happening who knew Tigers were that [ __ ] evil like they really are monsters cuz they they're not doing it for food they're doing it because they can like at that point time like how you how could you justify they want swipe off the ears and make a necklace they're doing it for the sport yeah how could you justify keeping that thing around what is this a bull is this a goat feeding from a that's a cow I guess it looks like oh there it is yeah a cow [ __ ] there we go right into his JW seems like he rushed them a little bit like to his talking [ __ ] yeah I'll spear this [ __ ] I like how they go Jiu-Jitsu style they go right to the
bottom and then could you call this call this like a match okay he's got side control he's got the neck as long as he's got the neck he's good he's got the top of the spine now this is really hard for the cow to get anything done here he's at least the cow's standing though the the cow's got to figure out some way to go to his back and kick that thing off and then get back to his feet and run away but it doesn't look good the Tiger's got the back of the neck I think he's [ __ ] don't forget to check out a new season of The Ultimate Fighter Friday night 7:30 there's a dead cow I don't get it oh there's a live cow oh they have and [ __ ] yeah look how they bring him out that poor cow before they let him get killed by a lion he gets a view of the sky while being dragged by a golf cart he gets [ __ ] ball gagged and uh strung up by his Hooves and that's that's exactly what they did to him that's [ __ ] crazy yeah yeah Zoo but so Santa Barbara Zoo was exciting for you it was good or it was it was sad like it made you sad to see it's cool cu the kids get to see the the the [ __ ] animal jail but it's sad when you see do you explain to them like hey this is not natural for these animals this is I mean or no you just let four and two you know so it's just like this is no I'm not being upset I'm just saying no you are you're being very passive D I'm just saying when I explain to them it's just like I get I just want them to repeat the names and know where it lives and what it's what it does and then eventually that purpose though yeah well doesn't really I would rather show them DVDs I really would but you know kids like looking at [ __ ] you know they they they I could never get my daughter to sit down and watch like a documentary on the Congo or something like that but if you take them somewhere and show them some actual real [ __ ] you know that's that has a a different impact on them but my point was while I was standing there looking at the gorillas I was looking at the gorilla and looking at me and then thinking about great aliens I'm like yeah that's next it has to be that really is us like I think those [ __ ] eyes it's because they have like built-in sunglasses cuz we've completely [ __ ] the environment you can't see anymore you go outside triple UV protective layers and reflective
Coatings why else do they have those big [ __ ] totally black eyes that shit's sunglasses they're built-in sunglasses those are Oakleys 4022 our eyes got way bigger after Google Goggles it's like an unexpected turn well Google Goggles not only does it give you cancer of the brain but that cancer specifically makes your eyes grow and that changed Evolution so that's what happened the human eye became large alond sized or shaped so when that happened and then eventually we went with pure telekinesis people stopped talking the mouth shrunk up we won't need physical vessels once once we can figure out how to digitize the consciousness especially if the physical vessel is going to be Universal IND discernable like it looks like the gray aliens are the gray aliens it's not like you see like a Shaquille O'Neal gray alien right next Tod you're being racist you're saying they all look the same and I see completely different personalities I can pick out Doug from xanadoo all right okay have you have you ever um had any sort of an experience with anything that you thought was paranormal whether it was a ghost yeah I have I mean on salvia I've experienced the universe you know as a pixel of a human being I've absolutely seen it and felt it and understood it but sober I haven't felt like Phantoms or cold chills or that word sober is a very interesting word because I agree you know I I agree with the idea to a certain extent that when you're when you're intoxicated that that is an impaired State and that what you're saying is probably not real it's just a distortion of all your you know your your your sort of your sensory perception and you know your body reacting to poison you could trick your body into cesia however there's times when I'm high where I completely disagree that it's not that you you would it's not an it's not an impaired State it's an enhanced State it's very difficult to manage enhanced State and there's a lot going on but it's not impaired it's modified it's modified modified it makes reality a little slippery you can get socially awkward you can get paranoid there's a lot of things that can happen that what it is is you have a massive amount of extra sensitivity and it's almost the
exact opposite of being drunk and what people don't understand is like oh he's imp pared he's on the pot when I'm on the pot okay I'm like I play pool twice as good maybe three times as good I can play like professional level for long stretches of time when I'm high as [ __ ] my I write better comedy like there's a lot going on that you can't say is is there's no downside of that there's no it's not a detrimental situation and Carl San has said something that it's a my quote on my message board and when he said it I was like thank you says I am convinced there are genuine and valid levels of perception available with cannabis and probably with other drugs which are through the defects of our society and our educational system unavailable to us without such drugs and those are there there's real like Clarity in in some of these experiences it's just so much recreational use there so much [ __ ] around with all of us that it's been especially with people who don't do any of these things they don't smoke pot they've never done mushrooms that it seems like a recreational silly type activity it doesn't seem like there's any validity well there yeah they're still and they're still banking off of the uh the stories and the connotations that have been handed down since the Reaper Madness days from Grandpa told someone's parents that that that Reaper will make you silly it'll make you crazy you'll make you you know a druggie you'll be a no nothing and then that just gets handed down and handed down it would be really cute we would be a cute fun thing to watch Bumble into walls if it wasn't for all the violence if it wasn't for like the [ __ ] that's going down today in Spain have you seen this [ __ ] Brian have you seen the video please pull up the video of the Spain protesting because it is crazy our mainstream news [ __ ] you CNN [ __ ] you Fox News you guys suck you are [ __ ] frauds they are not the news cogs and a machine owned by corporations to to fac an agenda it's ridiculous the fact that no one's covering what's going on in Bahrain no one is covering I mean this the the amount of coverage in America on this Spain thing is shameful and their depiction of it is shamefully inaccurate that it's just a small protest and no this is a [ __ ] whole civilization
rising up against their leaders I mean people are looting for food in trash bins like that's how dire the situation has got for a large section of that population and now they're taking to the streets and nobody knows about it and this the the actual reported figures of unemployment are at 25% but those are disputed by the population they say that it could be even worse than that the reported numbers of um of by the way a lot those figures they they only count those who are actively seeking employment and are unable to find it which means if 25% is statistically unemployed there might be another 25% that is [ __ ] given up you're exctly and they're resorting to trash cans and now looting yeah you're exactly right that's uh the people that are still in the system that are being counted as unemployed and people use that as an example of our society because our society we try to keep it unemployment's down it's up how you don't you don't know [ __ ] you don't know [ __ ] absolutely you know about people that are in your system that's it there's a huge amount of people out there that have [ __ ] thrown in the towel and it's that's what's going on in Spain it's if you see look at the videos it's [ __ ] notice the badge in the corner not CNN not MSNBC not Fox nothing it's you know it's we've done such a terrible job what does RT stand for again uh it's not Reuters it's uh God I watch all their stuff all time in the face with a [ __ ] little baton while they're taking pictures of them this is crazy but what's really crazy is these [ __ ] cops man like they they are just employees of the machine they're not even the machine they're regular folks yep the regular folks are attacking regular folks these people are these people are fighting for their jobs right now just as the people rioting are trying to fight and that's what's so sad is this is how disconnected it is they have to lay down their their arms it has to get worse it has to get worse to the point where the the cops realize okay we are this civilization we are this those people that they are clubbing oh look at that guy flying sidekick and a roundhouse kick to the body very weak roundhouse kick no no turn of the hips at all look people are kicking him and pushing him down that's [ __ ] crazy man that cop's
down nobody took his back someone should have taken his back yeah well they're going to that's soon as he's down man you got to get over under soon they'll bring out the Sonic weaponry and the and the drones and the uavs and that I mean that's why this kind of descent doesn't happen in the states right now because we have uh we have we have a military that's a police force that we roll out Vehicles rles we have new laws protecting the [ __ ] just in case this [ __ ] goes down where they legally can do a bunch of [ __ ] that they would never allowed to do just a couple years they can pull you off the streets and detain you before anything ever happens because you might be a thought leader yeah and you know it's really disturbing to me all these uh celebrities and all these different people who are are are standing up for Obama and campaigning for Obama and even like guys that I respect and intelligent people are saying he's better than Mitt Romney like what what what are you what are you looking at I'm like what are you looking at you are you are you paying attention to what this guy's doing to the Constitution they're looking they're cherry-picking a few moral issues which is always what it boils down to which is sad uh you know I happen to agree with the moral stance of Obama versus a Romney a little bit more but it doesn't [ __ ] matter at the end of day nobody aspect of his things like civil unions gay yeah like gay rights that's a big one well you know what that is that's a democratic talking point you know he he is because they won't talk about money in politics which is the root of 90% of all the [ __ ] issues we have right now and nobody's going to talk about it because it's what lining their pockets yeah when you when it comes to something that's actually important he is not standing up for us when it comes are going to dispensaries here in La despite saying that's not going to happen well they just did they just they just closed in on 71 of them yesterday they they sent notic to a bunch and they're suing too they haven't started shattering glass yet but believe me that's two weeks away yeah the whole thing is really sick and this is supposed to be this awesome president's regime I mean he's running things right now he's running things right now while he's
running campaign right now and people well they're not they're not [ __ ] doing it right and they they shouldn't be nonprofit shut up you're telling me that the DEA that has nothing better to do for real than go after pot companies that is one of the weakest ways to get caller by the way 700 dispensaries can't be opened and operated unless there's [ __ ] demand for 700 dispensaries that how about the there's a law that says you're allowed to have it here and to pretend that it's worse than anything else you've already got legal and it's a reason why you're going after it it's crazy Obama that's why I'm always against the medicinal marijuana argument because it ignores the recreational argument which is just as [ __ ] valid as the medicinal one certainly is but the medicinal one I think while in a world of madness there's a lot of people not me it's necessarily I could get by without it the the reasons that I use it for is not nothing's terminal there's people have terminal ill illnesses there's people who have cancer and marijuana is the only thing that gives them an appetite like there's nothing else that works is good people that will have seizures if they do not smoke pot and yet someone is pulling the joint out of their hand and saying no no no you need to have a seizure because uh this needs to be legal well that's why when whenever any body talks about the human body and they're they're doing it from uh an ideological standpoint without any real medical trading or even reading research you're talking out of your ass like when you got an [ __ ] like Rush limbo that's talking about some girl wanting to be a [ __ ] so she can get a birth control what that [ __ ] doesn't understand is that some women get ovarian cysts if they don't take birth control they have medical issues there's a lot of them that women can use birth control with and it cleans them up sorry Joe he's just popped a handful of oxy C and chased it with alcohol so he can't hear you right now cuz let's not forget he was chastising people who wanted to smoke pot while taking handfuls of pharmaceutical well not only that he was doing it illegally he was having his maid go out and buy his uh his oxies for him they said we we researched it we researched it on Wikipedia and it said
that he was up to 30 a day according to his maid cited by Johnny ball 17 he's the one who put that sentence in there and he is the most trusted Source on the Wikipedia cut to the Johnny ball 17 account Johnny open there's a Scramble for it right now I hope there is yeah it's and when I think about unemployment and I think about and I this may transition into a TSA rant I apologize if it does because it's still fresh in my head well we got to talk about that anyway the biggest [ __ ] government works program that's really going on right now our tax dollars going to create a system to create jobs to demean us and make us feel like criminals for wanting to take a flight yeah a program that is inefficient ineffectual by thousands of not thousands that's hyperbole by hundreds of sorted papers that is inefficient ineffectual that demeans us that leads to uh lobbyists and government Kickbacks for these corporations that make machines that scan us and take nude photos of us essentially for the folks that do it for the folks that do the TSA it is a [ __ ] job you're dealing with people that don't want to be there you're dealing with people that don't want to comply and in their defense look there's that [ __ ] classic Stamford study that we brought up over and over again of what happened when they just had college students have one person in charge the other person is you're the prisoner when they when you do that people abuse people people are supposed to be equal folks that's just the way it is it's not there's not supposed to be cops for isn't there a law isn't there a law against uniforms for for people that aren't law enforcement officials having uh like markings or or patterns then how do you work at Burger King no no no well because you're not you're not wearing a badge and you're not wearing patches you are if you're the manager do you have a sheriff's a tin Sheriff bad I believe the col out Stripes doesn't McDonald I'm the sheriff of this Grill well you should like but they're not they're not act by the way they're not cops they are they are regular folks that are wearing tin Badges and patches and I've met a lot of there's airport police and they are police officers and they come in when
the [ __ ] actually gets real to mace you and frisk you yeah I've never had a problem at the at the TSA ever with people being rude to me with people I've never had that problem but do you go through the machines I go through the machines and I'm I'm friendly I opt out I'm friendly I'm friendly as [ __ ] but I opt out well Brenan Walsh said that he had a problem with the same thing he opted out on the way to Toronto what I've heard is that those radiation in those machines they haven't really registered it yet but if you really want to worry about radiation you shouldn't be flying place because the flight itself is incredibly radio radiation it to me is is a moot point like yeah I don't think I deserve it if violation um it's a rights violation plus the rapid scan corporation which is one of the two big corporations that had like you know the $70 million contracts to install these machines they were funding chof who was the ex- head of the Homeland Security Administration like they've increased their lobbying five five uh by by like 50% or something since 2008 2010 that was the last study I read so Lord knows how much money they're spending now to kick to give Kickbacks to people in power to do these no- bid contracts to put in these machines which by the way most most security and defense experts tell you that they can't actually detect uh the plastic explosives that could blow up at 747 like they can't actually detect it plus there was a case in Florida just not only like probably two years ago where hundreds of thousands of the photos from people going through those machines because it does store photos even though it doesn't display them those photos were hacked and it was they said we don't store these photos they don't get taken but they have a nude picture of you somewhere Lord know Lord knows how that's going to come back to haunt you so the radiation is to me a moot point it's I look good naked dude I want to see it release the hounds going TSA fetish porn absolutely going to be people release the hounds it's just absurd to me that my tax dollars go towards buying these machines for these corrupt corporations to have them installed to make me feel like a criminal to snap a photo of me naked which don't make me any safer as I go
onto a flight do you think it doesn't make you any safer don't you think that if people could take guns on planes they would if if there was no metal detection you would have to deal with the same sort of instances of people being crazy in society on a plane as you would on the ground I think metal detectors are good I do I think the idea of checking your bags is good there's two many [ __ ] there are certainly there are certainly there should be a standard of protection you know metal detector if you want to scan the baggage that's fine but I think we've drawn the line way too far and we've drawn it to a point now where if an like first of all we've always been one step behind let's not forget 911 happened with box cutters all right there was no explosives there were no bombs there were no guns it was Kevin that's the official story but here are infowars.com we know it's a government Inside Job Bin Laden to determined to attack we've got the documents ladies and gentlemen there is no way you can take over a plane with a box cter look at this article by Johnny ball 17 he has done the math it checks out if you go to infowar.com and buy gold you'll be safe and a crank flashlight and a crank flashlight we need a a crank flashlight SL radio [ __ ] your way to Freedom um yeah if you want to believe the official story the most Fantastical Story by way those flashlights need a rechargeable battery on them so they can heat up yeah I should be able to press a button and have it get warm we don't use them anymore so I don't give a [ __ ] Ian fall apart you don't you don't talk about them they're our sponsor anymore oh that sucks do you still [ __ ] them though uh no comment there's they were a good sponsor but it's I think it got to a point where we probably saturated their market and uh quite honestly we make more money from other people got it he has a computer um yeah we're always one step behind so here's what here's what concerns me is that now we're at a point where let's say they take away the rapid scan machines right or let's say they have them but uh someone Flying Spaghetti Monster forbid decides to blow up u a school or um a foot Locker in a mall or
a stadium or a concert venue those machines are going to be everywhere what do you think would happen if you went to the the airport and you had like a radiation detector and you said I would like to go through this machine and detect they would let you they wouldn't let you they they'd probably arrest you right yeah that what is that Machinery you're not allowed to have that here creep in my inent in Austin I was told I was not allowed to film it I was brought into a private uh screening room that had a giant placard above that says this is a private screening room which I did not request I was taken in there my belongings were taken in there without my request I even objected to it and they said you have to go this way did you have to is that the law I yeah at this point I didn't have time to fight it I had to catch a flight see the thing is with a Patriot Act and [ __ ] like that you don't know what the [ __ ] is Terrorism on paper these days they make it up as they go along and then they have lawyers figure out how what however they treated you is the legal way to treat you sons of [ __ ] where you going [ __ ] okay they had the X-ray back I got I got to have you pull something up they have the X-ray machine in the Austin Airport it's right next to one of those rapid scan body Scanning Machines right oh God and there is a long line for the rapid scan machine and that's when they say oh that Line's get long come on through the x-rays so right away I'm like you know what if this is integral to my safety you're now chucking my safety out the window for the convenience factor of cycling people through security well are they really saying that it's not safe I mean is that really what they're saying the rapid scan thing or the the talking I'm talking about if we need those those body Scanning Machines because they can detect a whole bunch of stuff that a traditional x-ray can't that when it gets to inconvenient because the line is too long now throwing my safety out the window that seems inconsistent seems wrong right crazy but I'm in line to go through the X-ray and then randomly they do the oh you need to go through the rapid scan machine so I say can I just go through the X-ray no you can't now they're angry with me because I even asked that so I opt out as I normally do
my belongings go through the machine now I can't see them I say hey I can't see my laptop I can't see my phone I can't see any of that stuff that's over there your your belongings are fine how do I know that I can't see them they didn't give anybody to do it so I'm already on edge right I always say I always feel like whenever I take a [ __ ] jet Blue flight this is going to be my occupy moment it's going to end with pepper spray to the face and I'm going to get handcuffed even though I'm as polite as can be and I just I just want someone to watch my [ __ ] right I get stuck in a glass box where I'm next to a girl that couldn't have been more than six years old um she has a a a handicap she's in a wheelchair and there was something mentally wrong with her she was stemming she was rocking she was pulling her hair and crying because there were three TSA agents trying to tell her to lift her arms so they can swab her clothes swab her wheelchair the back pad the tires Wheels everything her dad is there on the brink you can imagine how traumatic it is to try to bring somebody a special needs child through an airport in general but now they've been selected for special screening and he has to try to explain to his daughter who's having a fit rightfully so as strangers are groping her and you know swiping swabbing her seat he's trying to calm her down well you know by holding an iPad in her face and doing whatever he can to get her to relax do I have to lift her out of the seat he asks yes you do he's trying to lift her up she's fighting it my heart is breaking for this guy the reason I'm sitting in this glass box is because after my pat down they ran my little piece of cloth or they ran the gloves and the piece of cloth that they swiped the bottom of my feet with through a machine like by the way machines we which we spent more than $30 million on to install in airports and this machine said I tested positive for nitrates I had that happened once yeah and I pulled up uh so what's a nitrate well sir it's a you know that could be used it's a chemical okay what does that mean well it's a chemical it be used in a lot of things it doesn't this isn't it's not a bad thing it's not a bad thing like this isn't a problem and I go no it is a problem because have a flight to catch and I want to know
like why I'm being detained longer well you tested positive for nitrate so we have to give you an even more thorough screening okay what what what else can test positive for nitrates guy couldn't answer it second person couldn't answer it third person did they ask you if you had been to a farm no they did not but the the third guy finally said well the the head of the the security mob there said well if you've walked on grass that has fertilizer on it then you might test positive for nitrates even uh certain uh heart medications that seniors take can test positive for nitrates so I'm now stuck in a glass box detach from my valuables watching this poor girl having a meltdown as these three people are you know going over and I start to cry cuz it just it breaks my heart that this is happening this poor guy is having to go through this and I you know I go to put my hand on his shoulder and tell him like I'm sorry you have to go through this and he looks back and he's choked up I mean he's been in there for a good 15 minutes trying to calm down his daughter so then I start questioning why are you guys doing this and I'm being polite I'm being calm being everything you could possibly be while asking how much longer this is going to take because I have a flight to catch they grab my belongings and start walking them away and I go excuse me what are you doing like you're you're coming here to this private screening room no no no I don't want to be in a private screening room I want this ex enhanced pat down to happen right here because I want my girlfriend to videotape it well no no no sir you're going by this time my belongings are in the frosted glass private screening room now I'm in the private screening room with them and there's a giant placard that says this is a private security room there is no filming whatsoever if a train if a TSA Employee tells you to stop filming you must seats filming immediately you do have the right to call in a w to be there and I'm thinking why can't the camera be my witness because if I'm traveling alone who else am I going to call [ __ ] Ghostbusters am I going to bring TSA in here so I'm in a glass box with two dudes by myself he swabs me down with the gloves and then he says I'll be right back I have to test this glove goes puts his hand on the handle
of the door with the glove on it that he just wiped me down opens it up and walks out on his merry way so I look to the other guy who's left in the room I'm like what the [ __ ] was that and it was like the first time I had cursed and he goes what do you mean I'm like he just swabbed my body with that glove then grab the handle if someone in here earlier did have explosives on them and he grabbed that handle with that glove that's now on my test why isn't he testing right here there's a machine in the room oh sir that that machine's calibration is off that's why it's here oh you have it in the room because the calibration is off yeah there's a tag on it that says it needs to be serviced okay so I'm waiting 5 minutes go by I strike up conversation with the guy hey that that little girl out there in the wheelchair that's having the fit and I can still hear her having a poor meltdown out there why are they out there well he tested positive for nitrates as well oh he did yeah why is the girl there oh she tested positive for nitrates oh so all three of us have tested positive for nitrates with the one machine that's out there you got another one in here that needs servicing and recalibration and you think there's nothing wrong with this situation guy comes back tells me I'm clear I leave the room and I see the father is still there struggling with his daughter and I'm like I'm again like moved to tears and I ask this guy tell me as a human being do you think this is right do you think this treatment for this poor girl is right and he goes sir she tested positive for n traits and I went right I get that but there are many other countries who deal with terrorism on a far greater level than we do who have far more swifter and more and more common sense approach to security that doesn't demean their citizenry that doesn't cost them millions of taxpayer dollars do you think that that's right that that girl is having a meltdown you're swabbing her wheelchair do you really think she's a terrorist I'm just asking you as a human being and there was a long pause and he sort of looked down and looked at his shoes and I thought good I'm finally going to have a moment a real moment here as a human being he's going to take off that TSA helmet for a second and he looked up and
looked me right in the eyes and said she tested positive for nitrates and that's when I realized this is a this is a lost cause this is a losing battle here you're dealing with a Burger King employee yeah I used to do a joke about it that I think that the people who work at security and the people that work at Burger King are like the same people it's just they reach the hand into a bucket who are you today oh I got fries damn I got bomb control yep I'm on foot swabbing or I'm on rubbing the Belt Line here's I'm Security today I hate mopping that [ __ ] floor I I'm all for people having jobs but we need repair infrastructure run after school programs do something that benefits your community and Society more than this well I see I think that we need security at airports just because there's been so many instances in the past of people using airplanes hijacking airplanes I believe in the reinforcing of the doors was the best thing that happened that was the one security measure that said look we know now as a society no one will ever hijack back a plane again if it's sourced in America if it's flown out of here everybody in that cabin will fight and die to make sure that plane doesn't get hijacked and Air Marshals too I think Air Marshals are important too I think it's good to have a guy up there is's an actual bad [ __ ] who knows how to take care of [ __ ] if some wacky [ __ ] tries to blow his shoes up right and some people even make the argument by the way that that guns on planes would have stopped some of 911 that if someone actually had a gun on that flight you know in the risk of a bullet going through and the sudden loss of cabin pressure is overrated I don't know that I subscribe to that but I could see how that's valid argument I could see how someone can make that we do need security but the the the Leaps and Bounds that we've gone to are inefficient they don't work it's costing us millions and millions of dollars Mak us like yeah the companies suck and they're dealing with gigantic numbers of employees because they have these setups at every goddamn airport in every goddamn City all over this country there's a lot of [ __ ] airports so there's no way they're really paying attention and monitoring it on a really
intense level and looking at it like how can we make this a better experience for the people except for like those things where you go and you you put your name in and you get scanned and then you can go through pre like tsae right like the blue or the clear programs and stuff now they have and now but that's that I have another issue with because sometimes you have to pay more so now they're creating another tiered Society where the halves don't get have the inconveniences don't hate on the 1% dude just because they want to get through the airport quck I'm one of the guys that can afford the premium tickets so I get through the TSA like I'm I'm blessed live a good life see you have listen listen [ __ ] I'm blessed did you show me the keys to your car did yeah the keys to the kingdoms baby the A7 I love it oh my God so nice car thank you I love it wow we want spaceship that's a spaceship it is and the technology in it like it's pretty close to a car that drives itself like I don't touch the gas pedal anymore yeah this the Audi A7 which they passed today by the way selfing car self driving cars pass awesome but even back to old cars mine has the uh the adaptive cruise where you press the button it'll automatically stay with you know it'll match Pace with the car in front of it so I don't really even on surface streets like city streets I don't really touch a gas pedal I get it up to speed hit a button and I kind of you know yeah it's easier to send tweets that way oh but there has been there has been a time or two where I will I'm just kind of zoning out I'm not using my phone but I am like ah the car is driving itself and all of a sudden bling and it has the heads up display so it puts my miles per hour and my turn by turn like on the windshield like you're seeing it out through there it turns bright red and it's like warning Collision so I have to slam on the brakes and I'm like [ __ ] R2D2 fell asleep at my wheel [ __ ] short circuit was not paying attention I almost slammed into the car in front of me did someone just get in front of you really quick no I mean we were just casually going I mean it's much safer to use those systems on a highway where there might not be so much start and stop oh so it hiccups but I yeah a little well I mean it sometimes it's a
little lax I'm sure it's busy processing my Bluetooth audio and goes oh [ __ ] you're driving and has to switch over to that my my favorite car that I have is my Porsche because it's the race car the GT3 cuz it doesn't have anything in it it has navigation the navigation sucks does it have seats in the back yeah no no seats EXA has nothing and not only that it's like it doesn't do anything like fan there's no heads up display there's no it's just mechanical it's just machine and you shift the gears yourself you don't you don't allow the thing to stop and break for it's exact opposite but that does get tiring for a lot of people especially dude I got to browse Reddit like I don't have time to shift gears I got to catch up on my news do you really you're joking around about that but you really shouldn't don't really look at your phone during your car no and no one no one should live out rape fantasies either uh some girls like that though I don't think anybody likes running over because they were tweeting driv while driving yeah it's uh eventually it's going to be really smooth where you're going to be able to accomplish that stuff as you're driving but I don't even trust people do you even well the law just passed for self-driving cars how do you feel about that in California they're street legal now it's been effective they they've been using it Google's been using it for quite a while you could you could find it online the only known Collision or at least like 6 months ago when I was reading about it the only known Collision in one of those Google self-driving cars was when the operator took it out of self-drive mode and was manually driving it but they still had to document it because it was a collision with the car well I think that I I enjoy driving I enjoy the experience of of Shifting my own Gears I I think I look at like when you have a a fun car like the the GT3 driving becomes like a ride I take a ride home right but not when you have a commute yeah that's not fun like shifting gears when you're stopped on the 405 and holding in a clutch that's shitty and so to let my car drive and then maybe free me up to do an extra hour of productive work or focus on my book on tape my my audible.com Joo download to focus on that that makes sense to me oh totally
but you know what doesn't make sense that kind of traffic you see we got to [ __ ] we got to figure out a way not going to disappear anytime soon I I am going to disappear I'm not going to live like this my whole life I I I tried escaping once I'm going to try again I don't know I'm thinking maybe Santa Barbara I might I might try Santa Barbara for a while cuz it's only like an hour live in the zoo you're going to have them build you a you should have build you a little cabin that [ __ ] bums me out we might be living in a [ __ ] zoo how about that pal how about this whole planet might be a Zoo look at this robot guy with his Google Glasses oh my God I can't wa cars and did you check out Black Mirror by the way you guys look at that [ __ ] did you watch that no no godamn it too many things to watch man but I did see the little Wayne Uh deposition oh my god did you see that the one that's been making the you seen it Brian you got to pull it up because I became a little Wayne fan oh me too I was not a little Wayne fan up until this I I love that dude it was that Chappelle skit of I played the fifth yeah I'm thinking of getting a little way tattoo okay that's how badass this dude is yeah man he's he's suing these people because they they made a documentary about him and apparently has a lot of false information according to Mr Wayne and uh so they they asked him a bunch of stupid questions at this deposition but the way he answered it was beautiful it was hilarious I love the the the the Veiled Threat which many have debated whether not it's thre don't even say it you don't to spoil it we're going to play [Music] it damn it it happened just a couple of days ago it's pretty great and it's hard to get without the world star hip hop uh that is my new homepage man I love the watermark Watermark I love me some World Star Hip Hop yeah that's my problem if you go to my computer and you type in w in the browser it just goes.com it knows I want to see some [ __ ] up are you going to watch that Kanye sex tape when it leaks on that site is there a Kanye W two of them two of them Kanye West has sex tapes yeey really yeah there's a rumor that one of them is with uh with the Kardashian but apparently it's a lookalike girl from
they have a video of her from some booty shaking contest which I love that that is a competitive sport is he doing this on purpose releasing these uh he's apparently offered millions of dollars to stop the release so I don't I don't know I I I doubt at his level at this point why would need the girls are releasing it no I think there were off of his computer stolen off stolen which who knows if someone physically stole them or hacked in or whatever but that's that's what i' read is this it oh Animal Practice let's watch anal practice how would you describe your image in the media how would I describe my image in the media yes I wouldn't describe it well how would you describe it if you had to I don't have to well what image are you portraying in the media I don't portray anything I am who I am and you guys portray what you get no who who are you who is the real I'm Dwayne Michael Carter Jr okay do you uh like to portray yourself as I just answered that and said that I don't like to portray myself as nobody completely be Dwayne Michael Carter Jr I don't portray myself as anything an image is self-described well you have to wait till I'm done with the question I don't have to wait to anything honestly I I mean this guy right here may tell me that I have to wait but personally I don't have to do nothing go ahead ask the question thank you your honor do you like to he can't save you right in the real world that guy right there he can't save you in the real world Jesus just you what does that mean I don't have to elaborate is that's your next question is that a threat against Mr can you just ask your next question please progression of time the hoodie is off he can't save you and what does that mean I was talking to myself oh my God he can't save you in the real world oh my God he's a beautiful human being love it what a great [ __ ] you to that lawyer that was beautiful yeah that was be because that guy was talking to him in that like weird formal speak that you have to do if you give a deposition it's like not human it's like it's weird it takes it's almost like removing a lot of context removing a lot of it's like they speak
like text messages there's no emotion there's no context it's just it's it's a legal document flowing out of someone's mouth because he's writing the the question he's transcribing it as he goes it needs to sound legally correct well I thought it was brilliant that he was trying to get little way to define himself and what a [ __ ] question how would you describe the media payal I wouldn't I wouldn't and it also depends what site depends what Outlet you don't have to how would you describe the media's portrayal of you Joe uh Fear Factor guy really you think that's still that's still the case the UFC guy maybe maybe the UFC guy Meathead little little [ __ ] Meathead but doesn't it depend on what Outlet yeah well it depends on whether they like you or they don't like you sure for sure it depends on whether or not they have a motivation I think it's pretty clear at this point that what you're getting on the news is not just the information of the things that's happening all over the world it's they have an agenda and if their agenda is to mock you uh you know if you're a celebrity who they love they might talk about you in glowing terms or if you're a celebrity even if you get arrested because you slammed your SUV into a pole while doing rails of cocaine it's like no no they wouldn't then then then then they always talk down on you but I'm saying depends on you could be like a person like uh like Jennifer Lopez is getting married and that's a piece of news or you could be like Lindsay Lohan Crush car again I think and well I think it does depend on the celebrity cuz I think like well Gibson had another oopsy today on the side of the road because oh they hate that guy that guy's done but there are some celebrities that they treat with kid gloves because they're worried they won't sit down for the next junk it to promote their movie I don't think I don't think anymore man I really don't think too many people get I feel like I've worked in it too much to know what people will say and won't say because they're afraid they'll lose access feel like when you get like a certain level of [ __ ] up inness though drunk driving all bets are off but there are some they'll forgive some celebrities and they'll forg some personalities if they feel like later on it might it might
benefit them or if they're worried certainly if they're trying to get more interviews I guess yeah they worried about pulling the thing pulling about like apple is one of those companies that blogs are afraid to write about it's a bit of a tangent but they're afraid to write about them in certain negative ways because they're worried they won't be allowed into their conference or get an early review unit right that has happened yeah they pulled all the all the plugs for Gizmodo once Gizmodo leaked that iPhone that iPhone stuff once they got the guy's iPhone from the bar iPhone 4 they said [ __ ] you Gizmodo will never get a thing again never get a unit to this day they still don't even get in there yeah they're not going to forgive those grudges wow yeah how rude apple Steve Jobs is dead can't we all just get along you [ __ ] you getting the five what's this Black Mirror yeah I am now dude I plugged Black Mirror violently on this last podcast and everybody was like thank you so much for introducing me to this there's this is just one of the episodes here there it is the best it's a Channel 4 Miner series I don't need to belabor it cuz I did it last time and what's it about again it's about like near future societal issues that will come about because of the rapid changing pace of technology that is the that is the seed that that Sprouts each of the three episodes and they're all completely different completely different Aesthetics completely different directors but they're all fascinating they're phenomenally written I find interesting that we're talking about it as like like problems the future it's really not problems we're the problem the reality is the assimilation is well I said the societ because we were talking about goes right when you have the ability to life Vlog when when theice is light powerful enough cheap and easy enough to I record 24 hours here whatever I see and I can play it back like that that's what one of the issues or one of the episodes is about so you watch a couple try to navigate a relationship where every moment is [ __ ] recorded right so he's like I want to see what happened June 12th when you were with that guy at 300 p.m. show me that moment pull it up you know she's frantically trying to delete
it hey when we had that argument two hours ago you said said this and it really upset me I didn't say it like that oh yeah boom pull that moment up and look at it an issue that will happen there a commercial that they were running um really recently about a dash cam they sell dash cams now so uh the guy pulls over someone and he's like this is a re reenactment of an actual accident in New York City and uh the woman goes this guy hit me and the the guy goes up to the the cop and says uh would you like me to tell you what happened or show you what happened and the cop said what do you mean he goes I have a dashboard camera and he shows him the camera and clearly shows the woman hitting him so he goes ma'am let me just tell you that lying to an officer is you know a crime do you want to go to jail tell me the truth and she is okay I hit him yeah P if you search for a Russi search for a Russian dash cam or Russian insurance fraud dash cam okay but hold on is that bad what cuz it seems like the guy's protected from seems good that seems good and maybe like a cop beating your ass that's that's another possibility some cop who's having a hard day and decides to kick your ass cuz he thinks no one's watching I certainly didn't mean to imply that that technology will only lead to negative societal consequences this miniseries just happens to explore them in that way yeah it does it in a beautiful poetic way with that said I'm a you you know this I'm a proponent of the you know the point of Singularity I want I want transcend transcendentalism like put as much P plastic put PC parts in me course you're alreadying your exactly let's go put it in me I wanted to get RFID chip back when RFID first came out so I could have all my my my credit cards my remote entry and my badges to my work I wanted them all to be put in there so I could just swipe my hand you know that was one thing that the um what are you watching Brian is this an accident yeah I think what happened is this lady backs into a cop and I'm what I'm guessing is that she's going to say something like you ran into the back well there are there are great videos of like people in China and Russia like running at cars that are parked in the streets and then leaping onto the hoods and rolling off and getting up and going oh my back but
they're Lally charging the cars what were you just saying before Brian showed this video uh talking about the transhumanism about how the RFID chip where you swipe and have it put in your hand that's it um mythbuster said that that was the one episode that they were not allowed to air they couldn't do an episode on the RFID chips they were told by their Network that that was a subject of Interest they could not explore you know what happened with those guys I don't know if you heard the story but they were going to do it and the like the guys behind the RFID Tech and chipmaker said yeah we just want to get on the phone with you to discuss the technology and discuss the show before we help you out or whatever and so they hopped on the line and on the other side of the line was like 40 lawyers from credit card companies from security firms saying you cannot do this episode you cannot talk about RFID it is the most unsecure [ __ ] system in the world absolutely unsecure you can build cheap Pringles can readers for them pull the data right off of them you can hack them you can clone them there's uh good videos of the uh okay well why don't you explain to everybody who doesn't know what the [ __ ] does RFID mean uh it's remote I believe it's remote frequency identification BAS Al think of the chip the size of a grain of rice or sometimes they're like flat they're very very low to no power devices that can be passively read so if you have a beacon a reader they even like they put it in your phone they can put your clothes phone clothes they use it like a security systems in malls when you walk through a reader that's because a lot of them are IID based it has pinged the the product and that sent it off and said okay this is you know a security barrier being reached those little uh credit cards when you tap them to readers a lot of that is RFID some of it is nearfield communication which is a slightly different standard that's coming about now but there is a lot of RFID swiping for security in buildings that all exists wow it's been hacked to high heaven you can buy RFID readers you can read all the information you can hack it passports that have RFID in them now they're very unsafe uh you know people can pull out your info they can clone it they can copy it you know I'm not
entirely sure there's great videos of BMWs now being hacked um they they sell blank keys that you can code the wireless key start on them and there's a pretty easy process to just pop it into the car and have it write the new key code to it like a dealer kind of thing and you start the cars and drive off now they fixed it since and it's not just not just a BMW thing but these guys can be read and hacked and that's why they they don't want the MythBusters to talk about it because we're now building foundations and we're building institutions in in our daily lives that are that are built on on fault faulty security premises like we're all becoming very comfortable with nearfield communication and tapping things and whatever and yet they're completely hackable and easily cloned and easily broken is it something that can be fixed in the future and they don't want to alert people before they develop a fix for it well look they if they've invested millions of dollars in in creating new systems and transitioning their key cards and passports to this technology the last thing they want is a security concern but this is an age-old problem security is always an issue it's built by a human being it'll be broken by a human being so there's no really fixing it you can make it stronger you can make it smarter sure there's no real fixing it like so the the future of the world when when it comes to technology and and it it is dependent upon our cooperation because at some point in time we're going to all have access to to anything like essentially we're going to all be readable everywhere we go sure yeah we're heading we're heading that way right now it's almost like it's setting itself up so that no one can ever really truly be in control and that it does have to be a sort of a group decision at the very top because at at a certain point in time like right now who's tracking what I'm saying is right now if you're looking at technology right now the the government's tracking us they have a GPS in your phone so was Facebook and apple there's GPS in your phone the GPS in your phone knows exactly where your location is but at a certain point in time I'm going to know where your location is too it's not going to just be the government it's going to be
anybody who wants to know it's going to get to the point where everything is going to be accessible well we'll accept that for convenience like there are apps now that allow me to like find my friends or there's an app where I can send you a temporary GPS tracking token for my phone so if we're all trying to meet up at a restaurant or an amusement park you don't have to text me and say dude where are you you can pull me up on a map and see that I'm 5 minutes away and it'll give you what street I'm on so we'll accept some of that in the name of convenience and fun and fun kind of fun it's fun Coachella oh hey look we're all little dots running around let's play a Pac-Man game that's pretty dope actually yeah no that would be cool and we'll accept that to an extent but then we will also have privacy controls which a will likely be able to be hacked and B the government will not they they'll ignore those they govern they [ __ ] will though and if they want to did you see that they have that Apple has it's a they it's a trademark or a patent on a technology that allows the government to disable the recording of a phone yes it allows people to um shut off the phones video capabilities remotely so that you can't Pro you know videotape protests well or or what they don't specifically say protest reason for it why else for your security is what they say for your security why would it ever be in your best interest not be able to videotape something we need a new digital Bill of Rights that says that if by the way let me just say for the record that there the reason for developing this technology is that apple is involved in many patent lawsuits and all and so when it comes to the ability to record bands the ability I mean you're getting to a point where you know the new phone has 8 megapixels the [ __ ] video is fantastic you can almost get something that's you could you could put out and it would be a really good version of it and the problem with that is you could record people and then put their [ __ ] online so they want to be able to have a concert and say well you can't record this concert especially for standup comedians it becomes a real problem when you go to town and everybody everybody knows your [ __ ] yeah so that's Apple's IDE idea is that they would set it up so that if
there was a concert you couldn't record the concert they would shut off but they spec but a I still think that's a huge security concern I mean that could that could be a wild security concern as well well it's it's an awesome move for [ __ ] Samsung cuz everybody's going to want to go Android easy they like [ __ ] this or they'll build the feature into their phones and then have to pay Apple millions of dollars once they sue right one of the in there how does that work there's a great app the name is escaping me but it actually stitches together multiple recordings based off of visual cues and and like audio like waveforms and time codes so if you're at a concert if you're at a Coachella and there's 40 people in the crowd that are filming it with their iPhones they can all upload their video and it will Stitch those angles together as best as it can so you can kind of jump around that's bad W that's getting awesome that's crazy yeah that's [ __ ] cool dude that's a mind [ __ ] and a half isn't it but you won't be using it streaming it live thanks to Verizon's data caps a what is Verizon's data caps now any company that's selling any company that's selling limited data plans right now is stifling Innovation and [ __ ] consumers over and [ __ ] over entire doesn't have limited Sprint is the only one but they barely have a network they they have a decent Network I've been using it dude for Tang it's good it's not it's it's a it's a shadow of what AT&T and Verizon provide as far as 4G maybe right yeah absolutely and coverage no no no it's fine for coverage but the problem is that now we're training uh customers and consumers to second guess their decisions when it comes to data like could you imagine on your home computer second guessing downloading World of Warcraft well you might because you don't play it but downloading a movie streaming Netflix you're worried about the data caps now it's it's we're we're going back we're regressing from unlimited back to the days of you got 90 free hours or four free mags on so it used to be unlimited and then with the iPhone it really kind of clogged up the network right that's that that was the big conc in general with smartphones in general that signaled the shift from being a traditional voice device to now
I rarely make calls on my phone I'm sending texts I'm streaming videos I'm tweeting I'm on Reddit Facebook we never talk on the phone yeah text each other yeah and we Skype because it's it's easier to see you I feel like you're so close to me you can cuddle me through the internet but to that point I did like two Skype sessions on the road with a Verizon little 4G hot spot a little jetpack and I used up 3.9 gigs in just like an hour of video chat and so now I was then I was afraid to check emails and do work and I'm like this is bad for an entire industry this will stifle Innovation because the next the Instagram of video might not get created if it takes up too much band well why is cellular so much more expensive than say Broadband is that all it is because they can they would say it's because it's more expensive to launch the satellites and the the bandwidth itself is crazy expensive it's really I mean you can throttle during Peak usage but there's no reason to limit how much data I can suck down at 3:00 a.m. your network is not that congested you know air is there more expensive for them if people use more or is it that what more taxing on their system and their infrastructure that's what ask you or is it that their system can't handle it sure I mean at some point yes it gets to that but it's so that's a way of limiting it by getting people to pay more right but the price of B I mean there's been studies that show that what you pay now for bandwidth even though it is more expensive and it's faster what you pay now for bandwidth is exponentially higher than what you used to pay and bandwidth should be getting cheaper and the problem that I had like I went in to get a jetpack from Verizon and a you have to pay to be a new customer right just just to put you in a system you have to pay for the the SIM card essentially that they're going to pop into your device that they're going to device you're going to tether to the account you have to pay for the device itself sign up for a contract then with their data plans you have to pay for the data you have to buy the bandwidth the four gigs a month and you have to pay extra to tether to the device that you just bought that you're under contract for you have to pay to tether that to the data like I don't mean to get on the
nerdiest Soap Box in the [ __ ] world but that is [ __ ] that's like going into a restaurant paying to go into the door paying to sit down for your table ordering water you have to pay for the water pay for the cup that it's going to go into and then when you go to drink the water they're like no no no no you have to tether a straw to that water I know you just bought that water you're paying monthly and you're paying out the ass for it even though it's just coming from a garden hose but you got to pay to tether a straw to sip that water it's [ __ ] highway robbery yeah is that going to get better maybe how how can you how can you fix that you'd have to have more companies get involved there's got to be collusion going on because once once once Verizon announces we're going to do this type of a data plan AT&T follow suit sooner or later Sprint will once their Network gets more popular and the the devices get sold there Verizon can't you can't use data and calls at the same time even under 4G under the new phone new on the new iPhone you can I think you can on LTE can you not revers to the 3G network while you're talking you can on every single phone except the iPhone uh on Verizon's Network you can or can't it's it's can't fantastic you can't do you can't you can't do it on the iPhone but you can do that on every single phone other phone so if you buy like the Galaxy S3 you can do it I [ __ ] I love the Galaxy I hate those commercials no better way to make me not give a [ __ ] about your product than by spending 3 minutes of airtime telling me that I'm a douchebag why are you watching commercials I don't watch commercials well they happen before web videos now and sometimes they're hard to skip I just [ __ ] close my eyes and hit mute what do you think about the Samsung not can't get me [ __ ] have you played I don't I haven't really thought about the note much I'm not a kind of guy the Galaxy Note phone that's sort of a half taet oh that one we reviewed it on aack when I was still there delicious what it's delicious holding a giant tablet to your head I have big hands doesn't bother me I like it it looks like a Bluetooth headset on you does not on me I love it do not on me I need it in my life have you haven't seen those commercials though where they show like
people waiting in line for the iPhone and makes them look like [ __ ] talking about the incremental features I'm like listen spend your 30 seconds telling me why your phone is better which they barely do in the commercial they just spend time trying to make me feel like an [ __ ] because I use an iPhone I'm not opposed to it's a political tactic not at all it's a terrible tactic because if you want a guy like making fun of Obama sell sell his product he's selling Mitt Romney by making fun of Obama I mean that's what he's doing he's doing a great job of selling it too know great job he knows he has to get just the 53% of the country that pays taxes those are his fck the freeloaders don't care about them it's everybody else anybody who doesn't pay income tax he doesn't give a [ __ ] about that was one of the biggest gaps in political history was a gaff though no it's not well it is a gaff because you don't think George Bush Senior George Bush W you don't think those guys think the exact same way but that's what I mean yeah it was a gaff in the sense that it got out and he said it but that's what they really think of course he's a bus there's never been a businessman that looked out for people you think about a guy like and he is a ruthless businessman when you get to be the Bane capital of the world you get hundreds of millions of dollars of profit ladies and gentlemen you don't do it by doing what's best for people you're doing by you do it by doing what's best for your company you do it by maximizing ones and zeros that's it and you you do it at the expense of humanity it's a creepy idea Soul on the spreadsheet you're a one and a zero you're a bottom line to a businessman this this smacks of racism like I am not an Obama fan I I do not like what he's done as far as civil liberties go I think as a human being he seems like a great guy I I I don't understand why he's such a [ __ ] president because as a human being I see he the way he interacts with people I he seems like a genuine fun guy like the way you hear stories of him in college he smok a lot of weed but it's it's it's super super disappointing to me and then I but there's a big difference between him and Mitt Romney Mitt Romney is a creepy ass businessman and the idea that
this guy being a businessman would somehow another be better for this country I don't believe you think that I think you're racist that's what I think it is I think I think there's a lot of people that just want to believe that Mitt Romney would would do a better job because he's a businessman and he would get things done and you know Obama's for the redistribution of wealth but then you you press them about it they really don't even know what the [ __ ] that means 90% of the people that talk about Obama being for the redistribution of wealth they don't even understand what the real concern amongst these socialist ideas or most of what he's saying is really not a redistribution of wealth in the classical sense it's not it's not like trying to steal money from people and Robin Hood the [ __ ] but you talk to a guy like Mitt Romney and he will put ones and zeros ahead of people for [ __ ] sure and he will think that if rich people get richer they will make more jobs for the poor people and the poor people will be okay and he will cut away funding and he will he will ultimately do things that are not good for people that are struggling I that's what I believe when when you when you talk about his tax policies and you find out that middle- class people will actually have to pay more Mone going up on 2,000 an average $22,000 more per year [ __ ] you man [ __ ] [ __ ] you for a guy who paid 14% yeah it's it's it's incredible that people would say that this guy seems like he'd be a good choice I say even for what he's saying he would do I don't believe that he's going to do anything he says he'll do because Obama didn't do anything he said he would do didn't close down Guantanamo Bay he didn't stop [ __ ] with the medical pot shops he didn't do anything he said he was going to do he didn't pull out of Iraq until years after he he we're still there by the way we never really pull out we have a [ __ ] enormous base there filled with soldiers there's no pulling out there's no pulling out anywhere we we have bases in a hundred countries plus so but just with 2016 just what Mitt Romney says he would do I'm like you really want that [ __ ] you man [ __ ] you you don't want that you just want a white guy you want to I've talked to people I'm like listening to the things they're saying
and they don't even really know what the [ __ ] Mitt Romney stands for they don't know what he's done and I think that's I think that is true I don't necessarily know that their decision though is rooted in racism I think it's just kind of rooted in General ignorance about what he's really done there's that but there's also this war certainly there's a swath of racist out there Absolut he's a [ __ ] I can't say that enough that's a silly thing to be I have friends who are come up that hasn't really come up in a way that I thought it would well you can't you can't really bring it up because there's a lot of people in this country that are religious and if you start making fun of religion you're going to lose a big giant chunk of them no one is saying ladies and gentlemen that there is no God I am the last person to say there's no God you know why because I haven't died and because I've experiencing I've experienced some things in this life that are completely unexplainable I I'm not sure that reality makes any sense I'm not sure that it is a it's just reality is just like something you can touch and feel I have a feeling there's many more layers to this that we're not perceiving there could easily be something like a god but I'll tell you what's not real Mormonism there not real that a [ __ ] kid in 1820 who was 14 years old a kid named Joseph Smith found golden tablets that contain the Lost work of Jesus and that only he could read them because he had a magic Rock and excon by the way yeah by the well not at 14 he wasn't at 14 he was just he was just a con man he became an ex-con and a polygamist by the way they they [ __ ] took over Europe because he wanted to bang multiple [ __ ] he didn't want to be married to one broad the idea that you think that that guy had it all wrapped up that he was the Messiah that he was the prophet you're a [ __ ] idiot okay that's a Dr Seuss book it's not even a good Dr Seuss book he found a magic Rock so he could read the tablets that's nonsense so if you're saying that you are a nonsense person no you can't be the president at least like Christianity and at least Islam and it's we don't know the people who wrote them this old old old old old [ __ ] when things get over a thousand years old it
gets super blurry as to who really wrote it but we know the guy who wrote the Book of Mormon we know the [ __ ] God you can read the wiki and see how it all got started cuz J Ball 17 lays it out did you know that it was they believe that there's another planet and then the Osman Brothers had an album based on this planet and was called what was the what is the [ __ ] planet the Mormon Planet kpar oh something ridiculous Mormon Planet Osmond album and you know when I say this you know people will say who the [ __ ] you you [ __ ] atheist [ __ ] this I I am not an atheist I'm not an atheist but I am not a believer in [ __ ] and it's a weird thing to me that in this day and age you can look at something that obvious and people resist the idea that that's [ __ ] you resist the idea that did Jesus really come back from the dead you really I'm not saying Jesus didn't exist I don't [ __ ] know that Jesus existed but I guarantee you he didn't [ __ ] just die and magically come back to life and it's written down and because some crazy [ __ ] that wrote a bunch of other questionable [ __ ] down that clearly thought that slavery was okay clearly treated women as second class citizens clearly said that you should [ __ ] be killed if you wear two different types of cloth at the same time I mean there's so much Looney Tune [ __ ] with that book you can't live your life based on it but the Mormons figured out the loophole for banging multiple wives at the same time you got to hand them that and I could see why someone would subscribe to that the the planet is called CB yeah k o l o b the osmin uh have uh in their their album well they have one album called CB and if you pull pull up the image of it Brian Osman Brothers k l o b it's really weird CU they have like pictures drawn inside of the planet of what it would look like artist I met Donnie Osman Donnie Osman I did his show a couple times I did the Donnie and Marie show with the news radio cast and I did it by myself once and uh Donnie Osman is a very nice guy but uh I showed him uh some pictures of uh some some I think some girl pulled her tits out at the comedy store oh no that's not what it was it was a black hooker when I was filming fear when I was filming Fear Factor I took this picture of this this black hooker who's
walking down the street eating a sandwich is like the great Sasquatch photo from you know like from the the Patterson gimlin footage gimin footage it's literally half obscured by a telephone pole as she's eating greatest it's the greatest photo I don't even know if it could be found online if you could be if you can find it online Google hooker cheeseburger is it online no she was eating um a meatball sub and she pulled her tit out and she's got a meatball sub in her hand she got a blonde wig oh yeah yeah yeah she and she pulled her tit out for me well she was a hooker you know she was trying to drum I that was a viral for Subway I think she just did she lost her sign and she was just was there it was real it was the universe smiled upon me I show this to Donnie and I go check this [ __ ] out I got this [ __ ] picture today uh on the set and Donnie Osman looked at me like I just ate his cat in front of him he he he looked at me like I just gave him poison shattered his world ruined his chances at Heaven I wish you were recording that reaction poor guy was shocked I mean he was legitimately shocked and I thought about I was like how has this guy gotten through Show Business and I've met like Brett Michaels he was a very nice guy I met Tom seis I've met some real freaks you know and they were very nice guys that you know have gotten through this high level of show business I'm like how is this guy like so weird how is he so weird like he doesn't he's freaked out by [ __ ] has he seen cake farts or two girls one cup because that needs to be a mission he's a super we need to get great we need to get it in front of him and record that reaction listen to Marie like order him around was magical is this your photo this is the one that's it that's a real photo show it show yes you can oh because of Ustream really listen it's a woman's breast let's take a chance scroll it up real quick it's a real woman look at that I got flashed by The Flash the woman the breast was I mean it was perfect it was it's like draped over the hand it's literally like those photos on the moon where they're standing in a spotlight where they're like there's no way this could have actually been like set up that that perfectly and it was a stupid ass camera too it was a shitty
like Motorola flip I think is that it's not even like a one megapixel I don't think I mean I don't I think it was maybe one Mega it might have been a megapixel but it just was the perfect photo the lighting was perfect I love that picture I love that picture that is proof that there was a god smiled favorably upon you and gave you that moment in this world beautifully I feel like I feel like there's something to that and perfectly lit and it was my background image of my computer but every time I would open it up on a plane I'd get [ __ ] shitty looks from people I had I had I would try to like put folders in front of her tit but I try to cover it up people would still get mad at me icons on the privates yeah I tried to put them in there that people would still like what really I still leave landmines in my phone like in my photo in just in the in the photo rooll because every now and then someone might pick up a phone or if I'm on a set I always make sure the wallpapers is interesting in case the phone goes off so someone sees like just dudes fisting each other something brilliant and they always kind of look at oh your phone you got a and they never finish what I got you got oh yeah my favorite thing in the world he's just thinking like this is the guy who calls him and then he sees the picture of guys's fisting when this guy calls but no it's every call it's it's the yeah it's the default wallpaper I want there was a while where where it was a photo shop of me getting [ __ ] by Ryan Crest which someone had made for me and put it on a cake to celebrate me going on E news brilliant photo that is one of my favorite things though about the iPhone is that big ass picture that comes up when someone calls I think that is amazing that that to me is like very futuristic like if you call me and I look at my phone and I see your face I'm like wow that's kind of crazy that still [ __ ] trips me out like FaceTime is getting there but the ability to click and it's them video calling you that's that's where it's at you find C yet KO l o KO o yeah you gotta see it's [ __ ] nonsense I think the the it might be called the plan the plan yeah their album is called the plan yeah it might not be C it might be isn't that album songs about Mormonism too is it like
it's all it's all in there yeah they they talk about the crazy you know [ __ ] that they believe in I mean just like it's a it's one of the nuttiest you need to see Book of Mormon yeah and I should see it but it's also one of those religions where where they are involved in the most arrests for like having Cults and [ __ ] kids like whenever like some polygamy guy gets busted first of all it could just be that they're setting him up with the kid [ __ ] thing but that's how they get him you know that they can't you know the polygamy thing well who can resist well now they're also you know vice.com has been uh doing a whole series on where Mitt Romney came from that Mitt Romney came from a religious sect of America uh American Mormons that moved to Mexico so they could still bang multiple wives because polygamy became outlawed so they were like well [ __ ] you we'll just move over here so now they're involved in like armed war with the cartels so it's the cartels versus the Romney in Mexico like there's drug wars going on they're kidnapping them Romney have been kidnapped other people have been kidnapped it's [ __ ] crazy who has more money the cartels or the Romney that's the question Cel cartel bu a long shot they have gold everything those guys make gold toothbrushes gold guns have you ever seen like how these guys jet skis yeah when they kill them and they find gold pistols and you got any photos of no I don't see it I just pulled it up in 3 seconds you [ __ ] come on are you using bang Bing it just Mormon Planet Osman album look up Mormon Planet Osman album load Al to Vista and it's the first Google image it's this is It's called the plan and if you uh look in it the other Google Images there's one where it's got God's hand that's holding the planet a it's so bizarre he has the whole world in his hands it's so yeah look at that shirt that's not it that's not it I want to know who that guy is I like that he wore his talking about this right here Mormon Planet Osman album yes that's the that's the album the plan and if you look deep inside the album as you uh try album art no you have a go is there a Google image search Google just do a Google image search if you um I can ask Siri Mor what do you how many things you
have gr Mormon Planet Osman album what do you have Planet OS my brother's plan the plan yeah get all that other stuff out come on now yeah there it is the plan see that is uh that's the the God holding the hand there he is holding the uh the planet that's CB you just got us gripped that's the planet where like I guess God livs or something like it's like such a shitty Rhyme or such a shitty story it should be a rhyme should be a Dr Seuss rhyme a kid who finds gold tablets you know they came looking for the tablet like where are these tablets he said Angels came and took them away that was his answer yeah like that you [ __ ] little [ __ ] bad story writing ass that's it's live Journal quality writing it's not even live Journal is way better than that back in 1820 you couldn't you didn't have to show your sources you no you'd have to cite anything and this uh this [ __ ] guy who who wrote this stuff I mean that this just Joseph Smith character that I mean that it's it's a painfully bad story I just it and none of the it's tough that it it plays a role at all in society and politics it's it's insane that it's insane that's the saddest part and I'm not saying again I'm not saying I have any answers I certainly don't have any answers but I am saying that as human beings you know forget about religious freed Freedom at a certain point in time you have to have uh the ability to rationally Express what the [ __ ] is going on and when you take into consideration a guy's qualifications to be a leader one of them has to be whether he not he's a gullible [ __ ] well look simp you have freedom of expression when it comes to religion and that is fine and great believe what you want but when your religious beliefs uh influence policy which affects my freedom well suddenly I don't have religious freedom because I don't believe in the crazy [ __ ] or what I deem to be you know not crazy and now your religion is informing my life it's determining what I can and can't do it's a very good point and it's also that religion like in in choosing to believe something especially something as ridiculous as Mormonism that in choosing to believe in it it sort of defines you as a person and I'm allowed to judge you in that sense if you're trying to run in a for a position of leadership I have to look at you as a
potential leader there are a lot of people that I respect deeply in this world for their intellect for their mind but I've I've had some people that I even really deeply respect and they have these really big hiccups when it comes to religion and it comes to and when that happens that part of I know you I can't have that conversation with you anymore because you've got a wall up you've got this isn't you got an illogical spot you've got like a little a little mind cancer in there well you can't you can't just you can't rationalize I remember having a conversation with a school teacher and he was a really smart guy he was an interesting guy and he said um there was uh someone said something about uh God and about how there is no other way I forget what it was and uh and I said so you seen evidence of of stuff that that shows there's no other way that something could have existed except for a God and he goes yes as a matter of fact molecules have been shown to be so complex it would be impossible for us to even imagine them that let alone create them that alone has to be proof of a God and the guy was like yes yes it must be and the other the woman was like it has to be proof of a God I was like that is the craziest thinking I've ever heard that means that a molecule to you is the proof of the God not the [ __ ] Universe right the universe which is composed of molecules by the way that are all touching each other and by the way and are all nothing filled with air a thousand years ago we didn't know there were molecules so it's Preposterous to go well this is too complex we'll never solve this we didn't even know you didn't have a usage for that word or a knowledge of what it was until science discovered oh there are these little things and clearly we have light years to go but but this guy this was what he was holding on to and I was like I was like you're a you're a te I was like this guy's a teacher he's a school teacher and he was a smart guy I was like I go oh come on man there's no other way you know I'm not saying there's no God but your your argument is that something is super complex so only God could have created it I was like you're shut off you have a part of your head that doesn't work you don't use it my my mother despite being presented
mountains of evidence uh that I was putting in front of her eyes really believe that John Edwards could talk to the dead like wanted to go on crossing over really wanted to meet him wanted to have him like believed in not the presidential candidate not the presidential candidate the TV personality who claimed that he could speak to dead people and scammed th countless thousands of people out of their money by saying he could he would do cold readings basically I'm getting something with a J and he would do that and I showed her the technique there were books on it I showed where he was trained all that stuff despite that she refused she had that wall she wanted to believe cuz she needed to believe and at some point if she were president that may inform her decisions she might believe that those people exist she might go to them for foreign policy advice like Lord knows how that would influence things yes for sure if you're a gullible person you should not be want keep can I flag on the play and empty my go piss man see me ladies and gentlemen I can drink cof right down open this door it's the last door on your left me I drink coffee I can handle it I can keep it together you know my my broadcast partner in the UFC I'm feeling sexy now thank you I feel way better um my broadcast partner in the UFC Mike Goldberg who I love to death has the smallest bladder of any human being on the planet it's so bad that we count me and the sound guys we have a running count and sometimes we'll have like a pool I I'll say like it'll be over five or over six he will get up six times during the broadcast to pee I mean literally he will get up he'll pee and then he'll run out and he'll pee again it's crazy I have video of uh him in Vegas getting up and peeing getting no getting mad when I said why do you pee so much and then he like you tell Rogan he gets mad that I bring it up because uh I was playing uh a drinking game for a while I stopped playing the drinking game because I didn't want people to torture him but the drinking game was every time he would go get up I would be the guy who's introducing the fighters as they would walk through It's usually the way it sets up is Mike Goldberg will introduce a fighter and uh you know as the guy's walking into the
octagon it's a couple minutes so Mike will say the guy's name he'll maybe say some pertinent facts about the guy and I will address his strength as an athlete I address his style and what recently is coming off of and what I think he needs to do here tonight and so that people have something to think about when the guy steps into the Octagon they don't just know the guy's name they also know a little bit about the guy but when you only hear me talking and I'm like you know uh Allen the talent beler Allan's fighting out of Duke Rufus is if it's just me talking that means Goldberg's pissing and I was saying are you throwing crickets in there are you saying this is boring no no that's like that's like you only you are talking and Mike's gone works that way man that's not the use of crickets it's a roaring Arena there's no crickets why is he leaving he's leaving and there's a cricket all of a sudden this illogical son so he runs off and uh I say if you're playing the UFC drinking game time to take a drink ladies and gentlemen that's hilarious and that just uh you know I think that tortured him I think too many people went after him uh by the way you're in North Carolina this this weekend there's ticket still still available uh so go to where Joe rogan.net yeah you can go to Joe rogan.net and the the all the information is also available on my Twitter if you go to my Twitter page which is twitter.com Joo Rogan I'm in Raleigh uh on Friday night at the Memorial Hall and then I'm in Asheville on Saturday night at Thomas wolf I've been to Raleigh I love Raleigh I got a holler at my boy Cliffy B Cliffy be from epic games Cliffy lives in Raleigh that [ __ ] Savage is he coming to the show did you talk I got I got to contact him is he guesting a show of yours that's I'm guesting what does that yeah like coming on like to do a thing like a live podcast stand no I don't do live podcast I think live podcasts are a ripoff I'm sorry for all those people out there that are doing live podcast that are making money doing it but you're charging money to PE for people to sit down and watch something that's not as entertaining as stand-up comedy in a comedy club that's how I feel about it I I respect that I disagree with it what
do you say is I think that it's it's a live performance and like when I did leadup we made sure to make it interactive and to get people on stage and and make them part of it so it gives them an experience that they can't have oh that's right you had a whole festival about it let me just explain something from a point of view of a stand-up comedian when I'm on stage and the crowd is it's a packed crowd there's 300 people I know what's the best thing I can do the best thing I can do is not sit down and have a conversation the best thing I can do is stand up and if there was a crowd here while we were doing this if there was 300 people watching this I would not be able to have the same sort of conversational tone I would be hyper aware that all these people are watching and how [ __ ] boring this is into aoup your don't project that on to me how dare you Whoa man you just got [ __ ] heavy with me man can I just say it's a whole new [ __ ] world like there was I couldn't I was trying to actively listen for like the last 20 minutes and I couldn't and I couldn't figure out why and it's because I had to piss so bad and it remind me there's a study that that that says that if you are driving with an intense need to urinate it's about as bad as driving drunk like your your ability to focus and your reaction times are so impaired because your body is like your [ __ ] bladder oh I believe that and I was going through that and I didn't realize it so I apologize but I'm here now day you handled it like a champ I was powering through man it was getting bad see that's why they invented commercials cuz old dudes want to piss a lot it's also why they invented adult diapers yeah Brian used those once once well people in Times Square use them for New Year's Eve oh and everybody KN yeah I was there for New Year's and I was not interested in watching the ball drop but everybody was talking about it was like get there at 6:00 or 8:00 a.m. because you won't get near enough to see anything experience anything and you're going to have to stand there all day and I was like well what do you do if you got to go to the bathroom like oh you have to wear diapers everybody does which has now changed my vision of any imagery in Time Square because the people that are up front near the ball
drop they've been waiting since 8:00 a.m. and they have [ __ ] and piss in their drawers yeah and it doesn't help the smell my problem was it smelled like [ __ ] everywhere I was now you know why sir it smells like the pens and were there's Originals no no no not Time Square he [ __ ] no when he [ __ ] his pants it smelled like [ __ ] he was at a a grocery store and he [ __ ] his pants Target yeah well there you go yeah you can't do that but isn't that weird like next time you see the people celebrating in the streets at Time Square just know that a good percentage of them have a load in their drawers and they're bringing in the new year is that that is so ridiculous is that something that is like commonly known like know how to do is there a forum where they meet and they say what kind of depends do you use do you duct tape it in for smell protection they're like Disneyland TR pin Traders talking about strategies what do you do if you pick up a hot girl and you make out at midnight like you just meat and then at the stroke you start making that and you're both wearing diapers you got to do you got to do a diaper swap you have to start 69 pull hers off she pulls yours off and then you bring it around and so that way you're wearing her [ __ ] it's like back and forth forever man it's the sexiest thing ever that a hot dog from F in there oh someone ate hot peanuts meanwhile someone would be into that for someone that would be like super there's a definite Community for that [ __ ] yeah there's a lot of people that want to like Johnny ball 17 is doing it right now on a free cam show Johnny ball 7 yeah yeah it's if you could find people that want to get [ __ ] by horses you can find people that want that video when you when you hear the point where the horse is caught yeah you hear that groan you know like oh that's the last sound you're going to be making for the rest of your life like that is it I want that to be my new textt I want to hear that whenever someone texts me I wonder what the numbers are of people that have been [ __ ] to death by like big animals like horses and [ __ ] cuz it's not just that one guy not enough right not enough I was in traffic for an hour today more people need to get [ __ ] to death yeah what are the numbers I wonder if for throughout history would think
more than a thousand how many people do you think of well I bet ande well are the numbers decreasing or are they increasing I think everything's increasing because the population's increasing sure but also there wasn't Twitter back then so what else are you going to do you got to get [ __ ] by a horse how many people influenced by the ability to put video of them getting [ __ ] by an animal online makes them pull the trigger the front- facing camera on this thing has me doing more than walking my neighbor's dog absolutely it was a conversation that we had yesterday about uh convincing people to do things that in the FBI in in trapping people is causing more crime just in order to be able to solve it you know and that that's another sign of of sickness and this crazy world that you can actually talk somebody into doing something [ __ ] up it's the it's it's it's it's an endemic thing because of the bottom line they have to justify their jobs and show that they're preventing terrorism and the only way to do that in a lot of these cases is to go out and entra people and create scenarios that they can jump on board with and the people that are doing it are people that are awesome at going undercover and pretending to be someone else so they're getting a rush out of that too by the way a rush out of pulling it off yeah well sometimes and those are the type of charismatic people that can talk you into doing things you wouldn't have ordinary done right well sometimes that's the case sometimes they're taking exons and they're taking people that would normally be you know stoies and empowering them and saying you go do all the illegal [ __ ] you want to do and we'll back you with the badge dude we talked about all this yesterday unfortunately went over it with my friend Tate we talked about Whitey Bulger and all the different you know the guy who was working for the FBI was the head of the Boston mob yeah it's it's a mess it's the the system is [ __ ] completely ridiculous when it comes so do you think the feds are running stings or they're encouraging people to [ __ ] horses or get [ __ ] by horses I was saying it could be they that is possible I think someone could talk I have a joke I had a joke in my last special
about Mormons that Mormons are afraid of gay marriage and if anybody should be afraid of gay marriage that it's Mormons cuz if someone could talk you into being a Mormon they could probably talk you into sucking their dick and it really is true like you should be scared you should be scared someone talk you into something completely ridiculous someone can talk people into there's a lot of people out there that are like super persuasive and they can talk people into doing a lot of things and so when someone does something and they do it with the aid of someone who happens to be an agent I used to think that that was [ __ ] that person's a criminal someone came on if someone came along to me and told me to blow up the capital building but not an idiot there's some people out there that are idiots and it's not fair that someone can come along and convince this idiot that you know he is going to defend Islam by giving him a bomb like the guy in Dallas where the cops providing him with a fake bomb he pressed the button and then they moved in on him and arrested him they you they gave him a fake bomb they gave him the bomb they gave him cab Fair they gave him everything he needed to do it and by the way there are people listening to this right now that are wearing multiple qray balance bracelets because they believe it gives them the power to lift cars and balance better so if people can be convinced athletes that believe that do they really believe it or do they know that they're Shilling dude I had a guy power Placebo right it's just power of placebo this guy this guy tried to do that to me that too this guy who was a Salesman Mike Goldberg was telling me how great they were he was wearing one this guy like he got to wear this guy's going to show you so he brings this guy over and this guy tries some [ __ ] Carney tricks on me where he like pushes down on your hands behind you clasp your hands I'm going to push down and I'm look over he goes now put I go what are you doing I go what are you doing I go you're not doing it the same way I go you're your is different I go stand right here I go now do it I go yeah man what are you doing and I go and then I looked at the other guy I go what are you guys doing are you're playing little Carney tricks I go if you want to
do something I go let's do it exactly the same way I go pull my arm down now and he couldn't pull my arm down I go come on pull my arm down now hold on put another bracelet yeah I go I go now now try to do it I go are you crazy who who bought this I'm like how is anybody buy like you're moving around and showing me different angles I I'm I'm I do Jiu-Jitsu I understand that there's leverage you're changing The Leverage points some people didn't even get that though some people got convinced by an infomercial at 2 a some people [ __ ] that some people got convinced by this guy I was watching people agree with him like yeah I do have more balance and I threw a [ __ ] wet diaper into the party I was like the [ __ ] are you talking about and he was going to get the company bonus trip to Cabo and you ruined his numbers this guy grabbed my hand and like pinned it like to my body and like was like playing Mercy with me and like lifting my now try to resist I was like what the [ __ ] are you talking about you really this is some silly [ __ ] if you wanted to prove that it would give you better strength you would make me lift weights you would say lift weights now that you have this bre well don't you feel stronger right you know come on you silly [ __ ] like so if people can be talked into that [ __ ] people can be talked into an excuse to wear jewelry I think there's no not there's really not that F it's as fashionable as a Croc I still see people it's AES I see it all the time but what it is is is a psychological tool there's something that yes but in that respect for some reason it seems to work you know with with athletes even there was a measurable difference even in people that thought that it was a placebo even in people that went in it with a preconceived notion that it was a placebo knowing that they were probably right still had a benefit of it it because they were trying to convince themselves that it worked did did we talk about the blood pressure Placebo trial the last time I was here no they it was a you might want to it's worth it's worth Googling the I'll give you the fuzzy cliff notes of it but basically they did a study where they gave people a placebo and told them that it was a real peel that was going a real pill was going to lower their heart rate
and their blood pressure and work Mir miracles for them then they gave another group the same pill it was a sugar water pill and they said this is a placebo this pill does nothing but we're doing this study to see if it will lower your blood pressure it did it did lower it and the people that even that were told it was a placebo and when the end when the trial ended they said okay that's it thank you the people revolted and they said what are you doing my my blood pressure is going to go back up I need this pill and they're like no no no no no it's a placebo it does nothing the pill does nothing and they had to start manufacturing Placebo pills this is the same story you're giving a detailed descript exact same story I just I simplified it um but you made it much more clear that that is there's something weird with our brains there's something weird with our brains when we believe things yeah you know because I think that reality is more malleable than we think it is you know there we've we've we've shown that there's certain there's a certain amount of effect positive energy and mood can have on people and there's a certain amount of effect true belief in something can have on your environment there's something weird going on with the mind that's it's not quite as simple as we' like to think it is it's not 1+ 1 equals 2 it's 1+ 1 equals two but if you believe in magic it might equal five right you can have a you can have a magic variable in your equation that can change the outcome the algorithm there's there's belief in yourself is a strange thing belief in that's why I tell people don't believe in yourself stop it don't believe in anything or anyone and you will free but no because if you believe in things it can Empower you that's what really [ __ ] up positive energy begins where do positive it's not as simple as positive energy though it's not like that's sort of some hippie IDE ideology what's the different of thinking postive it's not just thinking positive it's thinking specifically about certain results and thinking posi and moving in that direction certainly you can't just sit there yeah but I'm saying that there's some sort of a magical combination that when
when used is greater than the sum of its parts and that there's something to the human mind that affects reality in a way that I don't think we've totally measured yet I think that I think there's there's you know well there have been studies that show that people that undergo surgery where there's a certain rehab time if they believe in the power of prayer they tend to heal quicker and Fuller faster so there is clearly there's some quantifiable evidence so you should believe in something you know even believing in something that's [ __ ] like if it empowers you there's something weird about that you should be wearing a rub bracelets for some weird people it's what they needed it's that that trigger that they needed to fire up that certain part of their brain that gives you the green light to expect certain results they needed a totem like I can't believe that just the power of thought will be enough to compel me into a positive or Propel me into a positive direction but you give me a rubber trinket that I can now attach that positivity to and I go I believe that cuz that's a thing that has a an alloy in Crystal it's something the mind gets the green light right you know what I realize there's some when I was a kid when I was competing in uh Taekwondo when I was 19 years old I went to watch the World Cup like I had um a run from the time when I was 17 till I was 21 I won the Massachusetts state championship every year and then one year I won the US Open I came in second in the US cup I was like really highly ranked nationally and that year was the year that I went to watch the World Cup cuz I went to Colorado Springs and I saw like the best fighters in the world and I came back from just watching it and all of a sudden I was like a year better it was like I had made this huge leap and I had a friend of mine who was uh who his name was jungck jungck Chang was a kid was a [ __ ] was a a maniac this guy was a a a student he was a um a medical student he was going through his internship and training to be on the US Olympic tawon no team at the same time he was a [ __ ] Savage just the most hardest working kid I've ever met in my Lifey guy slept three hours every night would train like a [ __ ] madman um but we were talking about it he he goes what happened goes what H how did you get so
good what happened and I'm like I don't know I went to this one place and I hit this new level it's like I was like this really good local guy and then I went and I watched the World Championships or the World Cup rather and then all of a sudden I was like world class and know it would it happened like overnight it happened so quick it was it was I realized what was possible I saw those guys move and I went oh you can move faster you could do this more you could do that more and but just by having a new model in my mind my physical body caught up to that model like almost instantly it's like I had already had the physical capability but I hadn't seen it yet so I didn't know where my you know I didn't know what was possible until it was shown to me yeah you had a barrier based off your body and then you saw you saw that that that bar can be raised oh okay I'll just go up there now well I also saw that those guys would [ __ ] me up I you know when you when you watch things objectively if you're a competitor the most important part of getting better is you got to know how bad you are right now you got to know what you suck at you got to know where your holes are you got to know what mistakes you make and if you don't see that the enemy can see that I can see that in other people immediately and like man if I can't see that on myself that's a [ __ ] horrible horrible handicap so you look at these guy and I I went and watched these guys I remember like going this guy would [ __ ] me up this guy would [ __ ] me up that guy would knock me out I was like this guy wouldn't want to fight with him I was like [ __ ] and I just realized there is a whole so all of a sudden I was doing things that I could never do before and I I remember thinking like what was holding me back was it just that I hadn't seen it and then I remember the thing about the 4minute mile nobody thought we could ever a human being could ever run faster than a 4-minute mile Beyond capabilities then one guy did it and all sudden a g of people did it like immediately it's like all of a sudden these new levels get set and new barriers get broken there's there's something to it that's not just physical there's something to it where the the belief and the the when the mind has new
information it changes the reality so where do you draw the line in it in if you say it's if you can say all right someone who has this belief or someone who has the thoughts that that empowers them and it's positive for them when do you go well but your belief is wrong you know the the one that you have that empowers you and and and propels you in Positive Directions that you you know that you give credit to for the positivity in your life when do you go okay well that's wrong though because I could prove that it doesn't exist or because I can prove that it was made up by somebody you know at what point then do you have the right to say that about someone else's belief you don't well a lot of people look you know whether it's the Flying Spaghetti Monster or whether it's uh you know the Mormonism president bracelet yeah there's something that is empowering about having belief and I've seen people one of the things I was scared of when I was a kid and I was competing I was I scared as competing against religious guys cuz I I felt like they believe something more than I did God Corner yeah I was filled with doubt about about you know I was an idiot first of all and I was filled with doubt about you know what would happen when I die my mortality whether I'm a good person or not and I would meet people that were like when I would see guys like reading the Bible before they would fight it would scare the [ __ ] out of me it was like one thing that really there was a guy named Clayton I think his name was Clayton Barber who was uh one of the top level guys in in my division and he was uh he was an army guy and he was super religious he was like super and I scared the [ __ ] out of me I was terrified of him he wasn't even the most dangerous guy he just to me he was scary because he was too religious it was just too creepy a lot of people you know they a lot of people say that religion is what compels them to do great things religion is also strong enough to to to have them fly planes into buildings so if that if if a book and a and a philosophy can make somebody do that Lord knows what it can make them do to you in the ring when you say fly planes in buildings you're completely discounting what we have the documents that show remote control planes are the
only way you can get a plane to make those kind of turns there's too much information do you believe that how much corruption do you believe there is in 911 um I don't know I but all I know is what did is from was that a box that I I just yeah he wants to talk about farts that's what it means I had a good fart story um we can talk about Olive Garden there's there's corruption in government no no question about it all you need to know is there's no reason to ever tell you the exact story so any story that happens whether it's the way we killed Osama Bin Laden which by the way we've already had uh a difference in the story from one of the actual seals who was on site who killed Osama Bin lad there's a difference between his story and the official story that the government has put did no I didn't and now when you go back into the past and look at the Pat Tillman story and you realize that they lied about what happened to uh the American hero and football star Pat Tilman who was killed by Friendly Fire who they think may have been actually murdered because he was complaining too much about the war he was a real patriot who went over there because he thought he was going to defend us against the terrorists and when he got there realized it was a massive cluster [ __ ] and was talking about it quite openly and then he gets shagged by shagged no shank frag frag frag is the word um he gets killed and they make a total lie complet lie Jessica Lynch is another story Jessica Lynch who's a woman that they said they had to take out an you know an armed uh insertion to uh remove her from you know her she was rescued by uh you know highlevel guys when she was being kidnapped she wasn't being kidnapped she was being she was in a hospital being treated the the whole they they lie they just lie and I don't think it's it's I'm not blaming soldiers I'm blaming the the very people at the top of the command who are doing this who've always been doing it like this they they did it since operation dirty trick you know when John Glenn first went into space if John Glenn died they were going to blame it on the Cubans they were going to concoct evidence this has all been proven they were concoct evidence they were going to blame it on the Cubans and they were going to go
well look we got a win-win situation here send this [ __ ] guy into orbit if he blows up we just go [ __ ] up Cuba and everybody's happy and it's called a c it's called the way people who have ultimate control run business you know this this country has always been run by that so when something like 911 happens and you look at all the potential [ __ ] that could have taken place from the fact that people were um gambling uh and and betting on uh Airlines failing right after or right before it happened that there was a massive amount of money that was was moved around insurance policies taken out for buildings in the area the fact that evidence was destroyed minutes after the event seems to indicate that there's a lot of room for potential [ __ ] and if you add that to what we know has happened in the past I throw my hands up and I go I don't know I don't I don't really know what happened but I am not willing to ever stop and say that the government is on this occasion is telling 100% of the truth right that even though they haven't done it in the past and even though they've been lying about the Iran Contra Scandal and even though they lied about virtually every [ __ ] thing that has ever happened overseas whether it's you know [ __ ] golf of tonin whether it's what what the reason why they pulled all their battleships out of World War II out of um out of U Pearl Harbor happen they received notice they we needed a catalyst to get us involved in that War I told that to G G Gordon lyy I said you know they were saying that on the History Channel I had G Gordon L he was on Fear Factor yeah he almost won you just can't see at night [ __ ] sucks yeah so he crashed his car did have to eat weird [ __ ] or anything and uh who was the guy who won he was like a a [ __ ] he he was like a really big star in in the like the 70s and then he became a drug addict he was like a God damn it can't remember his [ __ ] name [ __ ] it's like some a weird obscure guy some singer Guy all right I want to say Jared Leo but it's not him he is not obscure his music is powerful his music moves mountains you [ __ ] but he's like that kind of a guy um but uh G Gordon litty you know I I had a conversation with him about it he's like oh I don't I don't
believe that's true but that's what they're saying on the History Channel That's What history saying yeah it's like they're they're saying that they decoded Japanese uh that's one of the reasons why they they left certain ships and they took out like some of the big battleships they got they like they allowed that to happen so that we could have an excuse to get into World War II right which ultimately I guess is probably a good thing you know would suck if the Nazis actually did win I mean is that possible that we can have like a [ __ ] Star Wars type situation where the you know where the Nazis like get into a position where they can have a [ __ ] Death Star you know I mean it did get we're building our way towards it we're goingon to we're going to build the Death Star we've already got flying drones we' already got the drones we're getting there man yeah they didn't even think of that in Star Wars they didn't think there'd be 30,000 drones in the air yeah why would you need people in these Tie fighters and x-wings Star Wars didn't even have Google REM they didn't even have Google on Star Wars they had the force they didn't need it man yeah they had the force pretty bro you got the force too the force is what we were talking about yeah the force is the belief and the ability you know to to accomplish things funny on the power of like positive thought I used to be one of those guys that was um and it wasn't it wasn't something I was consciously doing but in in my youth I was I would be jealous of people that had success or sometimes be angry that someone did something creative as opposed to appreciating that and supporting them and and being genuinely excited for them and I had to like root that out of myself and examine that and go where is this coming from and you know seeds of insecurity and all sorts of stuff and once I was able to to look at it for what it was that sunlight disinfected it and now being genuinely excited for people that are doing awesome things and being positive about that has fundamentally changed my life yes and I've seen that and only the last few years so fully subscribe to that I have talked about that on this podcast many many many many times the difference between the way I looked at things as a young man who hadn't really accomplished
much or you know was really insecure to the way I I handle things now somewhere along the line I sort of figured it out somewhere in my 20s I figured out that it was just a weakness but I I'm really self-critical so I had pointed that out and so I would see that in other people where they would be hating on other folks and I'd be like man you're [ __ ] yourself you don't even realize you're [ __ ] yourself we should all be elevating ourselves all of us and uh you know that sort of became the idea of what we do with this whole crew of us that we call the death squad I mean that's really what it is it's like we all support each other and we all like get psyched for each other there's no one like Ari shafir right now is number one on iTunes [ __ ] yeah and uh yeah we we talked about it yesterday on the podcast and boom his new CD is number one and it's [ __ ] hilarious AR worked very hard and we we started taking him on the road when he was basically he was an employee at The Comedy Store and he was just starting to do like real like 15 and 20 minute sets many many many years ago so to see him now headlining like major clubs and having the number one CD on iTunes It's [ __ ] amazing but that pumps us all up you know and number two is Tommy seura and number who's also our buddy what is his white girls with cornrow yeah which is hilarious Tommy seura is one of the best [ __ ] comics in the country right now he's so underrated he is [ __ ] hilarious I'm not familiar with him I'll have to check it out oh my God he's funny he's and he's a great guy and his [ __ ] is number two and then Joey Diaz is like number three or number four and Joey's been number one for months it's it's incredible but it it benefits all of us it pumps us all up podcast here next week you [ __ ] how do we do it I need a logo Photoshop dude all we need is Kevin Pereira gets [ __ ] done let's do it next week yes n see yes I love this good excellent fist to the man we will now work together good night time is the right Kevin you are officially Des quad now I love it you're in is there a is there t-shirt you just got show send us a picture of your day got to hug Brian absolutely it's uncomfortable after the first 30 minutes but oh it's a prong hold him for one one hour does he go through stages of emotion like he'll for
a little bit then he'll get aroused then he'll get angry well he'll start telling stories of his youth that you'll think are made up yeah you have to do it we you know it's it's it's very hard for people who don't have things going on in their life to be happy for people who do you got to be you got to use that [ __ ] as inspiration man when you see someone winning Emmy and you're like I want I need to write a script get up and write that [ __ ] script don't hate on the guy who created sex in the city or you know the woman who created I don't know who it this you know I don't know why I said Sex in the City what am I living in the [ __ ] I just went back in time because it's a phenomenal series don't don't hate on Lou CK for just winning two Emmys I love that yeah it's awesome I love the shot of him in the crowd with the two Emmys at his feet and he's just tweeting I don't know if you've seen that he's just it's almost like he could care less but you know he loves it but he's just yeah just tweet well you know he's he's a real deal and he's a hardworking guy and so you should be excited about that you should see that guy and you shouldn't say man he's got this going on and I can't even get him middle spot at you know you got to just got to work man just got to work you know but you'll find it gets a lot easier to do that work and you find a lot more support when you're not pissed at people and jealous for their success it makes you way better and it's easier to be creative the one of the hardest parts of being creative is if you're in in tension with someone or you have issues or you're jealous or you're you have any sort of negativity it's very difficult to be created with any sort of negativity in your life because you know that becomes the blaring focus and instead of letting the Mind relax and go into these weird sort of patterns of thoughts that create creativity especially comedic creativity I was going to say like you can create great music because you're pissed at an ex-girlfriend or you have a heroin problem but it's really hard to make comedy how many great songs have been written by dudes who are just trying to get a girl back probably a lot right countless it's so sad countless I love that that that I also love that drugs
have shaped the design and Sound of Music throughout time like there have been there's been studies that show that you know cocaine makes you more sensitive to higher frequencies and that's why a lot of the music from the ' 80s had the treble blasted way up cuz dudes were just blown out on coke at the mixing board going yeah give me that symbol give me that guitar scream highend got it made got it made I just finished the dirt for the mle crew the mle crew Tales have you read that it's brilliant really brilliant Neil Strauss wrote it I mean it's very well written and it tells you the perspect I'm not even a mly crew fan I barely know their music but the the stories in here seem unbelievable but as you flip the page you get the same Tale But from another band perspective and so by the third chapter you've got real perspective on incidents that happened of like girls being stuffed into litter boxes and guys oding in the back of cars oh yeah like crazy [ __ ] [ __ ] and private jets while people are overdosing like it say rock and roll as rock and roll gets oh wow that's the program by the way you were talking earlier that stitches everything together that's another one cuz that is definitely not the name of it but that's awesome v y clone it's called on uh all platforms shows Store look at that fake iPhone that shows it see these are a bunch of people all their videos are connecting how great is that that's amazing but that song sucks a bag of Dick what are you talking about man kill that song that was dope yeah the [ __ ] that bu Vista Social Club amazing speaking of songs everybody keeps asking when is this [ __ ] into the world party tickets going on sale they're going on sale this Friday and it'll be honey honey Joe Diaz Doug Stan hope and myself December 21st 2012 at the wilter theater in La come celebrate the end of the world [ __ ] We're Going Down Swinging we're going down with mushrooms and whiskey that's what we're going to we're going down throw them out to the crowd confusing messages Johnny look this is the uh this is the big date that all these uh crazy people and Terren McKenna have been predicting of some real change and I I don't believe that anything real is going to happen unless maybe we make
something real happen maybe you are the one NE maybe you're the reason you got dude I think uh what is GNA happen though is we're going to have a good [ __ ] time and San hope and I talking about yeah December 21st that's the end of the Mayan calendar that's the that's the day the the end of the Long Count I'm not going to see 30 you will it's not going to end it's all going to end no I don't buy it I think we're going to pull it out you know what I think I think there's a battle right now between idiocy and technology and I firmly believe that things improve and without any source of if we can avoid nuclear war and cataclysmic impacts by you know asteroids and super volcano [ __ ] along those lines but we also have to accept the fact that the more data comes in the more we realize there's certain parts of the planet that are habitable and then become inhabitable and we have to [ __ ] accept that and we need to start thinking about that here in Southern California when it gets 110 [ __ ] 30 40 50 days in a row at a certain point in time you got to go what it what if it gets to 130 what if it gets to 150 right what are we doing are we going to stay here and like wear suits on our way to you know everywhere we go so that we stay alive like the gray alien sleeve we'll have to be buying those from an apple what are we going to do if the if if there really is this is the precursor to an Ice Age and what if the the shift comes like in dramatic form like they believe it has all throughout history like the end of the the last ice age abruptly happened including massive Extinction events like the woolly mammoth saber-tooth tiger all sorts of animals just disappeared off the face of the Earth and we got to accept the fact that that [ __ ] could happen here just because we have a database of a couple of thousand years of civilization and all living in these same continents we also have a [ __ ] map of Greenland that they don't really understand where these people excuse me not Greenland uh Antarctica there's a map of Antarctica that came from the 1500s that is a very detailed map of the perimeter and it's it's correct and and they don't know who the [ __ ] charted this thing because Antarctica has been frozen for God knows how long and they the the the suspicion
is that some point in time Antarctica was actually inhabitable and there's all these sites that say there's pyramids on Antarctica that they're discovering but I don't I don't buy that that seems like [ __ ] it seems like some horeshit little yeti homes yeah but I'm not I'm I'm completely convinced that in the course of human history the hundreds of thousands of years that have been things that are remotely close to what we look like we've had to flee you know we've had to get North America was covered in ice a mile high sheet of ice the Great Lakes were created by all this giant Boulders were moved this this huge slab of ice comes down it's a mile high and it pushes slowly across the land literally erasing everything in its sight you got to get the [ __ ] out of there you know and that that easily could happen to us again it's interesting to think like if there were another catastrophic environmental event that wiped us out if if thousands of years go on and another human civiliz spawn and birth like what relics they would find because they might not ever know that we developed the Internet that we had iPhones that we had anything else they would get you know guns maybe maybe a clay pot or two but they would really have a knowledge of our civilization because the way we're storing it what the [ __ ] yeah they would be [ __ ] there was yeah well that's exactly what they believe happened you know to the people that built Balck in Lebanon where they have these 10 foot tall stones that are 70 100 ft long and they don't even know why the [ __ ] they got them there they don't even know when they got them there they have no idea and that's the the really extreme people that believe in the the ancient civilization advancement they that's their idea is that we lost all the Glass and Metal and all gets absorbed you know we uh we showed a Blend Tech blender blending an iPhone we showed a video of that yesterday it's amazing and like what do you think would happen if that iPhone got in the bottom of a glacier and it's a mile high and it's moving you know a foot a year whatever the [ __ ] it does just crushing everything in front of it trillions of tons of ice you wouldn't get much more than that either it would just crush it down to nothing you mentioned though you mentioned this war between like you I
think like ignorance or stupidity and Technology yeah that's the battle that is it it's it's it is a huge battle but what concerns me and I'm I am fundamentally an optimist but I always I always raise a flag when I can and what concerns me is Technology's role in dumbing people down that it's Ro its role as a propaganda machine astroturfing you know where you can make it look like the opinions of many are something just with a click of a mouse there are companies that are designed to do this where you can disseminate information people can live in their Bumble bubble where if if let's say a republican Google something or a Democrat Google something their results are filtered and different from each other like this is happening today I see that but I also and I agree with you that that is a concern but I also see that the free distribution of information ultimately will balance that out because I see that what's going on now is more skepticism M more intolerance to corruption more understanding the corruption itself than it's ever existed before and that is because of the internet right but have you read YouTube comments like that and I but I mean as much as that's a joke like that skepticism is being fueled impowered and growing exponentially on both sides of every issue you know what I mean like the commentary and the dissection and the editing of information which is prevalent now you people people seek out voices that that that they that is true for now but I think people are better today at I know I am certainly better today at seeing contrary points to seeing seeing information that doesn't jive with me because you seek them out though yeah it's because I seek them out but I think that's a trend that we could set in all sorts of people I think the only way to really truly benefit is to actually truly benefit and the only way to truly benefit is to to be honest and real and to know what is going on not to have a distorted perception of what's going on because you can only live in that distortion for so long before you go [ __ ] insane and even people that are insane wish they weren't and I think there is a way that we can all figure out how to get through this and not be
insane and the only way is truth reality and objective thinking I think the internet facilitates that in a way that nothing else before has I think the internet gives only for a couple of decades I think it hasn't even had a chance to set Trends in the future generations of humanity which I think are inevitable I think what we're dealing with is the ad Ence of the internet the adolesence of like I always refer to today as the Roaring 20s of the digital era and that eventually we're going to figure this out and get it locked down but it's going to Define who human beings are it's going to Define them in a way that didn't before the access to information from the time they're a young child and the ability to disseminate information and you know and and and double and triple check things and there's people like Wikileaks and there's people like Anonymous that are on top of [ __ ] to make sure that everybody knows the truth and I think that will on others and I think that is the trend of the future the trend of the future is the truth and I think that's all being distributed through the internet and changing changing Generations again as a as as a fundamental Optimist and an advocate for technology I agree and I hope but with that said just as uh the internet's ability to distribute information and disseminate truth it's also in its empy to distort and to deliver messages to people that are targeted and false sure but that requires conspiracy and the conspiracy do nothing but conspiracy conspiracy doesn't necessarily empower the individual and the individual is the one who's going to break the conspiracy much like Wikileaks much like that Bradley Manning guy did there people are going to realize that that does not benefit them to to help this big giant group of [ __ ] you know and I think that is a trend I or that giant group of [ __ ] will use astroturfing and the technology available to deliver a specific message to them on the channels that they're getting it so that either a they believe it's truth or they feel like they need to believe it for their security or for reasons maybe my argument is that it's going to be harder and harder to do that I'm just saying we need to be vigilant ever Vigilant yes I agree with you which is why I'm starting
a podcast death squad next week Kevin Pereira stepped up to the plate kid yeah I'm only going to talk about fisting and cake farts that's all you need to talk about really everything else is redundant cake farts is still one of my favorite videos it's about fun ladies and gentlemen that's what this life is it's I mean you want to break it down to hippie positive energy you want to break it down to that that is one way to look at it although it's sort of been that idea has been tainted by yoga instructors trying to [ __ ] their students there's there's more to it and by you know Coca-Cola saying that that coke will deliver a smile if you want fun buy our product yeah it's possible some products do deliver fun though right they do have you tried oxycotton what about your A7 oh my God so much fun it's a Audi we're talking about so much spaceship on Wheels A7 it is a spaceship yeah Rich guys talking about cars that's what the folks need in this world that's real change aspirational programming how dare you I'm sad I'm sad that it's just Obama and I I thought when Obama came into office that we were going to have like a real wasn't there a moment where you really thought like you know why I thought too and it wasn't because I believed the campaign I really believe that we would see change because his first campaign was funded by the people and you know again money and politics is the root of so many evils lobbyists super packs all that [ __ ] is the root of so many that I thought like here is a guy who's going to be beholden to us because we put him there I personally donated he's a young guy he's comes from a single mom he's half black he's not an elitist he's not some blue blood [ __ ] that went to school in Connecticut yeah I thought this is this is our chance I thought this was really going to be a CH and the bush Cheney Administration was clearly evil I mean you could be a republican all day ladies and gentlemen if you are a a fan of civil liberties if you are a fan of of people looking out for people how the [ __ ] could you be offended even on the fiscal side fiscal conservatism like they blew up the budget unfunded Wars and everything else so pretty insane and it was pretty telling that they none of them were at the RNC a single one of them not a single one of them eras those
memories isn't that hilarious you would think that the last sitting president the last sitting president two-term president would be someone that they would bring out no they are avoiding any mention of George W he might be insane by now who knows when was the last time you saw him get interviewed he might be out he's on a ranch right now he's doing fine I think he's got to be there's got to be some disconnect in order for you to be a guy who's responsible for the death of hundreds of thousands if not millions of people there's got to be some sort of a disconnect and ultimately I think that's probably what [ __ ] Ronald Reagan's head over I think that it it [ __ ] up a lot of people that's look Johnny Cochran and Robert Kardashian both those guys died young of like brain tumors okay why cuz they got OJ Simpson off they they know they did something they know they know they did something some evil [ __ ] they had I mean you get brain tumors two guys get brain tumors they die of I think they both got brain tumors is that the case um proven in they're both young they both died young I mean that's your your your health pays a [ __ ] price for that [ __ ] I'm I'm not saying that that's reason studies on that like where people have to lie during a study or do something that they believe is morally wrong and then they test their physical health to see if that knowledge if those Secrets weighs on them cuz it must I'm sure it does it has to have a load bear on your soul too it's it [ __ ] people over man you've seen people's faces when they've gone through Scandal and they're dealing with Nega negative energy becomes real talk to Jamie kilin I want to negative energy will [ __ ] come down on you for real has there been a study on memory call uh memory recall and uh memory recall of those who are documenting an experience versus those who are actively participating in it like for example if I'm at a concert or if I'm at any event and I'm too busy taking photos for Instagram and tweeting about it and snapping photos and whatever yes I can look at those memories and I have recall of those memories but how active is my memory of that event and you know how on what scale would I rate that experience versus being present and enjoying it extremely subjective depends on the
individual depends on how they viewed the past whether or not they've had traumatic experiences at any sort of event before whether they've had a reason to look at things in great detail they've also shown that people can experience things and then if there's uh a certain amount of time where someone introduces something that didn't actually happen happen into their thoughts and then revisits it with the same information later that these people will agree that something happened that didn't happen so they'll intentionally inject in especially during emotionally charged events they'll intentionally inject some sort of a fake memory into someone's mind and later that becomes real and that's what people have argued about O.J that O.J actually does believe that he didn't kill them after a while that like you might even be able to [ __ ] pass a polygraph test after a certain time you can absolutely produce false Memories by asking leading questions about the guy in the white hat what guy you know the guy in the white hat oh of course there was a guy in a white hat there because now you're asking you know that whole story about those uh people that were wrongly convicted of uh child molestation they were running a daycare center and they they had talked all these kids into coming up with stories of someone touching them and it was all F false it was all [ __ ] but they had introduced it into a child's brain and like there's one thing to talk about memories and how tricky that can be cuz on one hand there are memories in my life that I have that I can tell you with absolutely no uncertainty whatsoever that I remember exactly what happened but there's some that I'm like man it's like a a like flash show in my head it's like a snapshot show I see like a slide here a slide there and if I can interpolate that for you and say well in between slide a and slide B this event happened you might actually connect those dots and go I guess your event did happen because I could see that being part of the progression sort of end things get recalibrated too like I remember I had a particular image of the house where I grew up in and then I went back and saw it recently and I was like oh yeah okay it was over here now oh it was this way you know it's like I had to recalibrate
and now I have the revised version I have all Theory I have everything put into place but if you had made me like draw my street before I might have [ __ ] it up entirely you know I might have had different people's houses on the wrong sides and where oh the bridge is over to the left [ __ ] I thought it was over here you know you can you can twist [ __ ] up and make it real inside your stupid head you know and maybe that's that's one of the benefits of the upgrade when we're going to be able to video Everything 247 yeah and people it's going to start out with Google Goggles then work its way to a chip that you put in your eyeballs it'll be contact lens with OED and then you won't even need the lens who's going to be the first person that lets their eyes get cut out for some new eyeballs that we've invented that are way better I'm reading a book about that right now it's a fictional tale about a guy who loses his leg in a traumatic accident but he's an engineer working at this future kind of Biotech company so he designs a better leg and then gets addicted to the fact that his bionic leg has better features and can do certain things that his real leg can't so he cuts off his real leg the other one so he can have two bionic legs but then he's like well if my legs are better why don't I cut off my arm oh my God it's that whole [ __ ] awesome Jesus yeah you would think the $6 million man would not be happy with just a good right hand you know he throws a shitty jab and behind comes the right hand of Doom that could punch right through your head there's a great video of people throwing baseball with their non-dominant hands I don't know if you've seen it it's hilar like the the the the weakling little throw and the awkward motion that if you try to do anything with your non-dominant hand by had a bionic arm we were talking about this the other day do you guys think you can masturbate using your non-dominant hand like I I abolutely the one point masturbation is just this it's not a lot of workd playing pool left-handed is really [ __ ] hard I play really good jerking off with a Q stick though that's all you that's that motion you were just doing a Euro grip yeah but it's not it's how you you you you judge the the plane of your your arm like how it's in it has to be you have to be in control of the
speed of the motion and there's a lot of fine motor skill movements going on there but it's nothing compared to drawing I can I can shoot pool I can make certain shots with my left hand I can't draw with my left hand at all can you write like [ __ ] barely my it doesn't listen but every guy is ambidextrous when it comes to jerking off no not really come on it's every every guy can switch hit I can't what yeah that's what I'm saying like if if there was nothing in front of me like and I had my imagination with my right hand I could you know do it my left hand I think from scratch with nothing in front of me I don't think I could even disagree I disagree I know you could do it you would just have to be horny enough see when you say from scratch you're talking about your regular life which you beat off like a [ __ ] spider monkey every 3 or 4 hours yeah and that you need a highly tuned jerk off hand for that kind of beating off you're a guy who watches porn all the time bang porn stars you know you got a lot of ridiculousness going on in your situation that doesn't you know but if you were like a guy who couldn't ever get laid and you couldn't you didn't have access to porn and you weren't jerking off no fleshlights and you you went without beating off for like two weeks and then someone said here here's a porno film beat off with your left hand you'd be like [ __ ] yeah you would Peter North all over your screen it just seems like it's it seems like it's just it seems like it's really like uh dead like it doesn't feel like it has any feeling you got to build that up you know what I mean you got it's like calluses on on a new guitar player you got to build it up it's like my joke that I had like way way way back in the day about having a girl jerk you off that having a girl jerk you off to like trying to brush your teeth with your left hand it's like just clumsy [ __ ] and that your right hand is a [ __ ] your right hand knows where the gum line is and it gets that fast vibration but your left hand like you have to like hold it still and move your face over to the brush cuz your hand is so stupid it doesn't it doesn't have a brush that's why I baby bird with two Sonic hairs every night I can make sure I can double fist the I put a Q-tip in
each ear and I took a [ __ ] at the same time and then I blacked out from ecstasy it was it's the most amazing feeling you cleared all your orifices at once this wonderful feeling there's a new toilet add-on that they're selling uh The Squatty it's like a it's a it it it's supposed to be like a thing that it stores stand on it no you sit but it elevates your legs so that you have more of a squatting posture which like relaxes the the tra so that the [ __ ] can slide out easier and it's been scientifically proven that squatting I mean we've done it for years and years and years as a society until we have bowls to sit down on that it's it's more efficient it's healthier for you yeah they still do many places but I just think that's I wonder if that's going to catch on people are so weird about people are so weird about feal matter and and biological movements in general well when Brian and I were in Japan one of the things that we by the way those you guys sent me these toilets I got to thank this company that sent me the toilet because I I don't have the uh information yeah they sent me two of them I haven't set them up yet though the on with the heating massaging and the ass Jet and all yes the whole deal and they will be um suchy they will be at the new studio so Brian when you take a [ __ ] at the new studio you will be able to clean are they to kind they are um they're called they're it's it's from the company's called brondell and um it's b r o n d l l. and brondell has uh they they sent us two of these and they're they're [ __ ] they like Cadillacs for your ass cheeks everybody should be [ __ ] with them one in my my home office and one in the studio and it will be dope as [ __ ] L new studio yeah yeah I got a new studio in Woodland Hills congrats yeah thanks it's all set up it's [ __ ] badass it's um the lace Leisa signed and now there's equipment being built right now I'm hiring uh this dude Eric who created Brian's uh cat clock over there the D Squad clock it's dop he uh he's a metal worker he's building me this custom like whole thing like a desk setup kind of and it's going to be cool because it's reclaimed wood we're using like reclaimed Farm Oak cycling yeah not only that it's I like the fact that it's got like some life to it like it's it's old
like there's people been using this there's like Vibes in it I you know I subscribe to this uh rubert sheldrake idea that even objects have a memory they res Energy's been pumped into them that's why like the old ing Studios people like well these albums have been recorded there and I'm like that means something that those vibes and that energy was was captured there that dude I'm going to take you after this podcast is over into the main room of the comedy of the The Comedy Room here at the ice house and you tell me if you don't feel Vibes in this place this place is [ __ ] magic this the ice house is a perfect example of a like a a Vortex of like happiness there's so many people have laughed their [ __ ] ass off in that room that that that room has a resonance like a b don't you feel it yeah you know it's really that's by the way speaking of the uh Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock were both at The Comedy Store last night really so weird like I was just just walking in like you know it's triing Tuesday whatever and uh I'm just like holy [ __ ] that's Eddie Murphy holy [ __ ] that's CH were they on stage or they no they're just hanging out watching com speaking of which we got to get Charlie back in here man we haven't had Charlie in here in a while I got to I got to contact him that was one of my favorite episodes when he was telling the story about Mike Tyson they pulled up to Mike Tyson's house [ __ ] lion Charlie Mur is one nuzzling greatest storytellers ever best animal last summer um I was uh in Hawaii with my family on vacation and I ran into his cousin Rich at the resort I was like what are you doing here he's like Charlie's here Eddie's here and I I hung out with Eddie I had lunch with Eddie Murphy and Charlie I was like this is the weirdest thing ever from being a kid you know to watching Raw and then all a sudden I'm talking to Eddie Murphy about comedy I was like wao this is bizarre man we were just sitting there talking to him like this is the strangest thing ever he was super nice man I've heard Eddie Murphy could be a dick he couldn't have been nicer man he was maybe he was on vacation in Hawaii with his family I mean come on but it was that was one of those things where I was as I was
talking I was like holy [ __ ] I'm talking to Andy Murphy like this this is legit when that moment happens do you feel yourself like projecting out of your body and getting lost in your own thoughts or do you keep it together pretty well and go oh [ __ ] I'm talking but Focus up this is a moment no I stay in the moment I I there's a like a little voice like oh like shut up [ __ ] there's a six-year-old kid in cowboy way pajama onesie oh my God Eddie Murphy yeah the kid who listened to his first CD when he was on Saturday Night Live it was a cassette back then his best work in my opinion wasn't even Delirious it was the album before Delirious where he talks about putting After Shave on his dick and washing his balls sick and his grandma came in you lazy [ __ ] washing washing your dick in the sink you too lazy to even take a bath you washing your dick in this thing it's [ __ ] funny man this it's there's a weird thing about like when I met Anthony Bourdain it was seems silly but I met him it was a weird thing I was like oh this a [ __ ] I'm actually talking to Anthony Bourdain this is strange like you had No Reservations about it yeah oh no you didn't boom when you like somebody and then you meet them it's real weird and and when so when people meet me me and they get weirded out I'll go dude I've been there don't worry about it just get through it ride it out human being realiz we're all just people just takes time that said Kevin Smith for president that's who I'm voting in Kevin smithin forid is he running no I think I'm going to vote him in he's a good guy seems like he would run things fairly ventur is running he started out from scratch he's my my guy you know no one's no one's everyone talks about uh Gary Johnson and people even mention me I think Kevin Smith I say he's a good dude let's put him as president you want to be his vice president Kevin Pera vice president I really Ventura was talking about running in 2016 how St running aome I think that's awesome Howard sterners is right yeah that'd be awesome but ventur is like you what record of of everything from Entertainer to bookwriter to government official to Navy SEAL what about Tower 7 that's something they never bring up as Tower 7 so good I was a Navy SEAL I love it I want that Tower
s it's one step closer to president kamacho um I think that he has a uh a good grasp on the amount of [ __ ] in this government but if you listen to way he uh debated with Jimmy Norton when he went on the OPI and Anthony show him and you realize he's kind of a f he's got some [ __ ] in him they unfortunately yeah everybody does everybody does so this branell BR need get them on mushrooms was your brondel a full toilet or is it one of those Lids it's a lid it's a just like the ones in Japan they take your regular lid off and they put this electronic ass cleaning B flama jamy warm water up your butt thing it's amazing USB C gets in there and cleans it all out and it's something that makes you realize like why are we so gross with our miring poo paper because that's all it is we need the three seashells we all need to have our asses cleaned like that it would probably be like way healthy this and that's one is Muslims make fun of Muslims make fun of us yeah that's when you really love a chick when you [ __ ] in front of her I've seen guys [ __ ] in front of their girlfriends and I was like I've never been that comfortable with somebody just a real relationship you do it on her I mean just chest and plastic wrap and just get it going okay Stallone I think the rumors of Stallone even if they were true it's like I've seen it all you want to [ __ ] chock me [ __ ] on my CH you have to read the dirt man when they're putting hotel room phones into the women's [ __ ] and trying to order room service by yelling into them no this is in the r the the mly crew B it's a great book again not even a fan of mle crew but the [ __ ] a girl if it's on Audible it's absolutely worth listening to wa yeah imagine you're the next person that [ __ ] hotel room and you go to pick up dessert I'm getting weird about hotel room room you should be weird yeah the remote control is like the remote control and the and the bed spread not the sheets but the bed spread how many naked dudes have just beat off there how many remote controls have been up someone's asses oh yeah I don't have to clean this I'll put that there right up their ass and Spiderman yeah bent over trying to use the remote from inside your ass with your sphincter if I do a Kel I can watch
pay-per-view the thing is still pointing outward right so coming out of the butthole so you're trying to squeeze it with your asked to get the right numbers time to check out this [ __ ] podcast is in the toilet ladies and gentlemen literally that's where it should be now early and I don't like to say literally Kevin Smith for president folks let's get this trending let's make it that Kevin Smith on Twitter he's a good [ __ ] dude he could run things I'll vote for Kevin perea Kevin perea and Kevin Smith that was my point I would bring the two of them together dual ticket let's do it I love him I'll watch from the sidelines no we need you out there preaching the word we need the death squad do it through Twitter there we go I'll pre I'll preach through Twitter re and occasionally YouTube and uh I'll um I'll uh whatever we go to Kevin Rose's sex parties we'll help you when you launch your new podcast on the death squad Network next week Kevin per ladies and gentlemen new top 10 podcast got [ __ ] to introduced into the [ __ ] Matrix we're going to change things folks from from the ground floor will on it sponsor me [ __ ] yeah done done take it [Laughter] all right folks let's [ __ ] bring this [ __ ] home Kevin you're an an animal a great human being [ __ ] fantastic guest always a pleasure we always it was like we're about to run out of time on UST stream but it's like we could do another six hours of this [ __ ] right we got to do this more often we got do a marathon we're GNA well you're going to be you're going to have your own podcast I'm going to do yours you're going to do mine we're going to keep this party rolling this weekend you [ __ ] Savages in North Carolina we will be in Raleigh at Memorial Hall Friday night which is what's today the 26th the 28th Friday the 28th of uh September at Memorial Hall in Raleigh and then Saturday night we're at the Thomas wolf Auditorium in Asheville North Carolina Asheville I hear that's a I hear that's a bad [ __ ] town except for the white dudes with dreadlocks and the drum circles I hear that shit's got to go come so we need to do is get to Asheville and introduce those kids to some [ __ ] squats some deep squats and some bison meat okay put the tofu down
if you don't eat bison they just rot or Monsters come and eat them and then we get more monsters eating bison whatever can kill a bison you don't want that [ __ ] thing around okay trust me kill the Bison yourself keep the population in line have a good stake build that testosterone do Hill Sprints I want you to do some sandbag training stop taking jiujitsu my friend trying to make some armies here and the only way the Army really is going to work is if they're smart so they got to take the alpha brand go to on it.com o n niit t catch yourself some Alpha Brain thanks again to audible.com for sponsoring this podcast and if you go to audible.com Joo you can try audible three for 30 days and get a free audio book um there's a lot of good ones um [ __ ] what was the one the bobcat goway bobcat goway's got a couple of good books up there too he is a brilliant [ __ ] and he's a great guy we had on the podcast we love him and uh that's it okay so we will see you next week we got a ton of podcast guests next week including Amber Lion formerly of CNN who's going to tell us what the [ __ ] is going on in this crazy Wacky World of the media uh we also have the guys from London reel and London re is a a great podcast that uh has been um they've said themselves they were inspired by this one and that's what made them start and they're doing a [ __ ] amazing job they've had Graham Hancock on and Simon Powell and a bunch of really interesting people who've talked a lot about psychedelics and and uh martial arts and philosophies it's very very similar to this show in a lot of ways and really interesting introspective honest dudes so they will be on next week as well and uh we're [ __ ] we're we're we got [ __ ] rolling [ __ ] can I sneak in a 10-second I totally forgot let's ask america.tv it's a new game show that I'm doing syndicated telep pictures it's only in a few markets but if you guys go there click on the YouTube link watch the first episode or two you might not like it I love it it's a fun silly game show you should [ __ ] be on it and I'll do it yeah you play from home using Skype I'll do it so any of your audience can sign up and I've seen dudes win $50,000 in 20 minutes I've hosted a show and handed out 50 grand for having an opinion about America holy [ __ ] on your
webcam it's a brand new game show I'm having a blast doing it so I just would I do would I be a judge or something no be a contestant I can be a contestant yeah I mean You' probably have to play for charity but I'll play for charity done okay you pick a good charity you got it okay beautiful oh hopefully we'll get um Ian Edwards uh back next week Ian's a [ __ ] hilarious comedian uh he should be here today but honestly Kevin per is a better guest um but Ian's a great guy no Ian's a great guy [ __ ] around check out my new pod you know why he's a better guest cuz he's here that's right he didn't have to [ __ ] cancel that flight [ __ ] you got a flight cancel it change it move it around don't cancel the podcast how dare you there's millions of people listening to this [ __ ] this is for you I'm it happened it's for all of us together we are all in this dirty thing together ladies and gentlemen remember if I can tell you anything give you any piece of advice is you can be the hero of your own story if your life was a movie and it started right now act like you're the hero get [ __ ] done do what the hero would do and you will have a beautiful life good night see you soon next week some maybe I'll see you this weekend if you live in North Carolina if you're [ __ ] crazy enough to just travel there we have death uh I have a death squad show here here Friday by the way tickets are on sale house comedy.com it's a secret you got to say who's on the show no it's a secret right now you know it's going to be quality cuz it's death squad I'm trying I'm going to part of the family you don't know who's on uh actually I know a couple other people I'm still waiting on a couple of people but uh this guy TBD he [ __ ] hilarious you're going to be on it huh you're going to be on it all I'm going to be on it Randy Li he going to be it and it's hilarious comic named Al Jackson that uh was on a few of Ari shaffir's uh uh podcast I I just met him last night he seems really funny so we're gonna have him if you want to listen to AR's podcast it's called the skeptic tank you can get that [ __ ] on iTunes Joey Diaz is uh the Church of What's Happening Now you can get that on iTunes as well Tom sigura our boy and his wife Christina pitsky the very funny and Beautiful
Christina pizitz you can get them uh their their podcast is called your mom's house that is also available on iTunes all this [ __ ] is free and of course The Duncan trussle Family Hour that is the Des Squad Universe ladies and gentlemen and see you guys soon we love you all we feel it we're moving in this thing together somehow or another we will make it all better or not or it doesn't matter goes on forever repeats itself it's a [ __ ] see on cycle brother yes big [Music] kiss e