Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA3orUaXhD4
the jogan experience I just had the worst massage thing I'm I think I'm done now I was in Santa Monica and it was like I was trying to carefully if you want to say this on the air oh yeah yeah it's fine but uh I was actually thinking like I'll just get a legit massage this place was open really late though and it but it looked really nice outside you know so I was like uh are you open and I think they might have just sent the last girl home because I saw this pretty decent looking girl walk out the side door and then what time is it uh 9:30 you know Sant there's really for the most part no legit massages happening after 9:30 yeah like most massage places close down around 9: you know yeah but this was right down the street from Boa so I'm like all right it can't be too crazy you know all right so uh I I go in and this really old fat asian lady was there and and I was like are you open and she's like oh yeah yeah and so I go in the room and I now just always take my all my clothes off I don't even keep boxers on all the time now just in case if you know the girl is really hot that's cool you know but I just wanted to real massage and then she walks in wearing like a dress no underwear and like cut really short and just fat an old like like a grandma old like I'm and she was dressed up like totally changed clothes I heard somebody go to the bathroom so that means she went into the bathroom and washed herself you know and stuff like that cuz she smelled like this perfume and then she she gets on top of me removes the towel gets on top of me and just kept on bouncing like I her uh vagina was like on my butt but hole like it was just like oh she's like on you yeah on me just bouncing and then she's just like not really massaging or anything uh I I don't think so I think I don't I was freaked out and so I was just like play dead play dead play dead like don't even like don't make a noise I'm thinking like uh I hope she like really gets off me if she just will stop start massaging me so suddenly she starts rubbing her hands on my back and her she had calluses or something because it just scratched and it was it hurt though like it it felt like she was like stabbing me like hurry like like so I'm just like ah ah and then like she flips me over eventually and stuff like that is there any point where you're
like I'm going to just leave right now um no because I didn't want to be rude and I thought she would she was kind of trying and then she but oh she started playing with my like butt and stuff like like a lot of places give you prostate massages and I'm trying to like tighten it up like that's one of the funniest statements anybody ever say a lot of places give you prostate M it's pretty popular compared to what I'm I'm really good now at like what you like when uncomfortable like [ __ ] like that I would be bad at leaving cuz but like now I walk out of movies I walk out of massages you just get up I I'm just like I'm not into this anymore and I just get up and I leave you know a I should have done that yeah it ended really bad and then when she flipped me over she just kept on like touching my dick and I'm like no like this and stuff like that and then she finally gave up and then left and then came in and watched gave up like you didn't get hard for her no I couldn't I no seriously I didn't I I I was so grossed out I was like freaked out I had my eyes CU like how many times have you been back uh I'll never go back that how many times have you jerked off thinking about it never she's not in my spank bank it was too gross my spank bank there's a massage place by my house which one that listen let's not name names I want get anybody in trouble I live in Korea Town oh cool and I I've been going to this place for over 10 years you know do they have young girls no it's a it's not a sex place it's a complete legitimate massage place and like Joe when I go to a place when it's some like some white [ __ ] or something it's not a good massage you go to the Thai place or you go to the Korean place where they look like your mother they [ __ ] rip your [ __ ] up dude they they go [ __ ] crazy like you know they give you they get in there they stand on your back they pound your [ __ ] and yeah afterwards you feel all spelt and nice and flowy whatever Gio's boxing gym in Burbank there's a massage parlor that's connected to it no no no best good legit massage legit massage so this is a place I've been going to for 10 years not that much but you know every time I know that I just want a regular massage I know that some chick that looks like my mom or my aunt is going to give me a great massage and then I'm done you know
so I but I haven't been back for a few I moved to New York whatever um and my way of dealing that that whole thing with me puking before going on shows is I started getting massages and like hard ones I'm like it has to be a hard deep tissue and I was like I'm going to go back to that place and uh so I already told this story but I'll tell it quick it it's the same story as yours all the it's 9:30 or 10 all the the you know they're not ugly but they're just older and it's just the mamasan the she's like I'm like oh I'll just come back and she's like no no no just come come in and I'm like okay never once even thought that I was going to get a hand job you know I get in there she comes in and then I'm like oh the [ __ ] lady the receptionist is giving you I'm like all right cool amazing massage cracks my neck cracking sounds back just [ __ ] doing it and then uh you know she flips me over and starts jerking me off and I'm like oh that's what I thought when I came in it was always like a $40 massage place like a cheap Korean massage and then it was $75 now or something like that I was like what a $30 increase and like what the [ __ ] is that that's a bargain and a half though if you're like what could they be doing different hm maybe it's an incense tax maybe it's scented candles that they have to pay she she flips me over and and and she goes like like she just does a couple ball flicks like do you want this and I was like I was like no but I was like yeah and you were like no but you were like yeah you like 12 yeah exactly and and I'm like there's and I was like Brian I was like there's no way I'm going to get hard but because she's a professional yeah she was getting whatever she did lot lots of hot oil wow I'm like whoa and then I'm pretty sure this is a massage parlor faux PA the thing the Bell from someone else coming in hello is someone in here she goes okay wait so mid jerk mid jerk she stops and I hear you know it's like a small place so I hear their whole conversation he's like hey is uh Rachel or Jenny working tonight she's like no everyone go home uh wait uh 10 minute uh maybe 5 minute and I and I get and the gu's you could tell he's like no I think I'll come he's like no no stay I give you a discount I give you a $10 discount and
he's like uh and I'm sitting there and my bone is just going and I'm like cuz you're seeing her actively be rejected it's bad on both fronts and just and just like I got a break I'm like I could cut out right now and I'm like I should leave and then and the negotiation is like he's one foot out the door he's like I don't know he's like no no no no come in I'll be done in five No 3 minutes I'll be finished three minutes and like I'm like I'm gonna get up okay I'm gonna I'm gonna like count to 10 in my head right now 10 nine when I get to one I'm I'm gonna walk out the door so I start sitting up and then she the guy's like I'm gonna go he left and she runs back in and she goes lay down and I go okay so I lay down and now I'm deflated I'm like I said it's it's okay I'm just going to go and she goes no no no and she starts up again and now she's just playing with my wet noodle it's not it's like there's too much thought in and and I go stop right there is there a sadder moment in life someone's tugging on your dick and you don't want them to yeah yeah I'm like it's it's done it's it's cool and she go this lady's fa and it's a dark room she doesn't give a she's a trained trained assassin she wasn't even worried for a second she goes okay okay she reaches behind her and tears a piece of Saran Wrap and I go what's going to happen now I don't know what this is right now and she [ __ ] like puts some [ __ ] on my ass I'm lube and she like puts the she she holds my legs up like this and Taps my legs like like hold your legs and I'm like okay so I'm holding my legs like this and I go I don't know what's going to happen right now but I'm going for it she puts the Saran Wrap over my butthole and I go she's going to lick my ass right now like through the Saran Wrap to this day besides the part where when I was a kid then I put a vacuum cleaner on my butthole I've never felt this before she didn't stick her tongue into my butthole she sucked my butthole she put her lips around my butthole and sucked and I was like never felt that before whoa dick gets hard immediately a few seconds just Jer shot a load without even jerking off yeah no she jerked me off but it was like how much time between her putting the Saran Wrap over your
butthole and you shooting a load how much time 15 seconds to put the Saran Wrap 5 Seconds to shoot like oh my God she was got hard immediately IM like I was like I've heard of girls putting their finger up a guy's butt and licking it and right she sucked the butthole she sucked my butthole so I I'm filled with so much shame I'm like I'm I'm like she's like and you know she just throws a towel on me she's like okay cool oh my God and I'm like you know does this lady when she goes to the supermarket and she buys the Saran Wrap does the lady know what she's going to use it for when she brings it home and the kids are like Grandma why you buy so much Saran Wrap every week like oh my God I I I go in the car and I go I can never talk about this day and then I told what yeah I mean it was how dare you how do you even lie to yourself like that well unlike Brian I've been back like several times now so and where is this again [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] you're a [ __ ] human being