Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec_BcTJI9sE
hello freaks I'm [ __ ] multitasking right now as I speak to you I am actually tweeting that we're live and a lot of people are like dude you can't do that and I'm like dude I can I'm [ __ ] badass not only that I also turn the volume off on my computer at the same time I give zero [ __ ] I really do boom tweet Den done done this episode of The JO Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Squarespace Squarespace is having a contest that's why we're doing two of them this week and what Squarespace uh is is the easiest simplest way to get a really badass website and when I say a badass website I mean they look [ __ ] completely and totally professional it looks like you spent a shitload of dollars doing it but in fact you did it yourself it's super super easy to do and Squarespace is having a contest right now to sort of accentuate that because the uh feedback of Squarespace has been so excellent and their contest is uh we're going to pick we have up to this week January 17th it ends and we're going to pick four of the baddest most sweetest websites and for the people that have created those four badest sweetest websites we're going to give them a free gear of Squarespace and we're going to send those winners a swag bag bag with items like a Squarespace Apple keyboard a t-shirt mol skin and more what do they have sound on their website how dare they what [ __ ] age are they living in these freaks oh let me put sound on my website when it opens up so that it immediately starts annoying the [ __ ] out of you it's a video I was playing you you know those old school websites you'd go to them and they' immediately start mine used to Myspace remember there's like five different songs going at the same time and glitter tags glitter tag don't forget glitter tags poor glitter tags what' you just take a um mapol you know what that is no you sure you don't want a Xanax no no no this is uh it's actually like speed really oh it's just the opposite it's it's not really speed it's um it's it's actually called nuvail is what it is and can't take that if I'm uh if I'm tired and I want to fire my brain up I can pop one of those in It's actually an experiment because I tried something called
sledging this weekend and Jamie and I were actually just talking about it this guy Dr markk Gordon was here and he gave me these uh these uh smart drugs and uh just we we tried it we both tried a dose of it and uh interesting interesting stuff so I'm comparing it to this did it feel more Lucid I don't know I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm you know it's hard it's hard to tell like what was my the fact that I got a good eight hour sleep what was the fact that I ate good food what was the W I think they're all sort of they all play A Part part of the thing to really find out you'd have to have a baseline where you ate like the exact same Foods did the exact same activities got the exact same amount of sleep you don't have to have that Baseline and then add in something but I take so many different nutrients vitamins and [ __ ] neut tropics and all these different things without prescriptions that's all legal stuff it's all most of it is nutrients most of it it's just vitamins keeping the brain sharp Dominic you got to stay on the ball think it's amazing man of how lethargic you when you go on stage all of a sudden your mind clicks into a different Gear Well you know well first of all you and I are both eating dick on stage for that's [ __ ] terrible feeling so you you know I can'ts you're prepping let me get through these commercials real quick so we we could just start this podcast uh anyway go tweet build a website and tweet the website the Squarespace contest what are we talking about Squarespace your [ __ ] pay attention tweet it to # JRE Squarespace before January 17th so go to squarespace.com enter in the code word Joe and the number one which uh stands for where we are right now January and uh and you can save some money as well the um the thing that's beautiful about Squarespace if you could do anything online like if you can if you can just normal [ __ ] like drag and drop and click and if you know how to select things you could do this and the way that's it's it's so easy and so intuitive that they have it set up so you you don't even have to enter your credit card information just go there and try it if you like it and you say this is pretty badass boom then from
there then you give him some money but till then you're not obligated just go and give it a shot use the offer code Joe and the number one that's Joe and the number one that's for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase at squarespace.com what is it Square squarespace.com Squarespace # jrd Squarespace SES you think you could do this you you are not a real computer wizard I'll tell you that you're a genius comedian but as far as computers wizard I would not I would not put you in the Wizard category I think you could build a website on Squarespace we should have a contest to see if D rare can build a web space on squ not without alcohol if we got you lick it up you could figure it out if you had like a hot assistant you know maybe a hot Japanese assistant no Mr no no no no no you must like this hey uh when my when when my computer comes on I I go yes did it again my man I'm a wizard I'm a wizard you're wrong baby uh we're also brought to you by Ting uh Ting is uh one of the Squarespace and Ting are two of my favorite um podcast sponsors because they're both two podcast sponsors that I haven't had a single person tell me anything bad about and then of course someone listening to this right now is like well I'll be that guy I'll be first [ __ ] tin can suck my dick and square spaces filled with [ __ ] [ __ ] you Joe Rogan um Ting is a great is a great way to save money and use a Sprint backbone you don't have to worry about being on some mom and popop cell phone network they use one of the biggest cell phone networks in the country and they do it you know what's weird they're from Canada and they don't you know they're like they don't operate in Canada they operate in the United States I mean you could roam in Canada but they're a Canadian company that works in the United States yeah it's weird from Toronto I um I think yeah um anyway great guys and their idea great gals too I'm sure there's some awesome gals working there I don't want to be sexist um but their their idea is sell you awesome cell phone service and do so in an ethical way a no BS mobile service if you will and um they have no contracts no early termination fees and they even have an early termination fee relief
program if you're paying an early termination fee to come to Ting they will give you up to $75 back they will credit you 25% of your early termination fee which is up to $75 per device it's really a great company I really like the idea behind this sell you something that's really excellent and do it in a way that doesn't make you feel like you're getting [ __ ] 98% of all people who switch to Ting save money I mean I've had three very good friends that have done it Brian's done it Dr Chris Ryan did it and you know they Rave about it it's excellent and you really do save money um tons of money the other guys charge you if you go over your allocated minutes text and data but if you have a heavier month on tting you just pay for what you used it's really simple so no mysterious items on your bill and unlimited devices on one plan you can have as many devices as you want on one plan sharing pooled minutes messages megabytes everything each device on a plan costs a flat $6 per month they have it's really good deals and the phones they sell are all the highest end Android phones all the really cool ones like the um Galaxy Note 3 which is what I have and Brian has the um the Galaxy S4 which is another excellent phone the HTC1 is an excellent phone it used to be at one point in time that iPhone was the king and everything else just sucked but it's very close now and I fact I give the edge to Androids just because their screens are bigger it's a way better EXP experience if you're if I'm reading my text messages or watching a video that someone sent me it's just a better experience on that that big screen sorry Apple I know you ha hearing this from me and I know we were together for so long you know what I want is that new Flexible phone have you seen that it flexes the whole phone F that's I believe that's just a screen right moled screen isn't that what that stuff's called like a type of Cl plastic you could work out with the phone you could do a little in between the legs like Suzanne sumus and get your Thigh Master on I used to work with her don't make fun of her she's a beautiful woman she was hot she hot as [ __ ] tting go to Ting ran. thing.com and uh you'll save $25 off your first Ting device when you sign
up rogan.com we love Ting they're an awesome company we're also brought to you by on it.com that's o n niit t they have a stay on it program now which uh all the on it products you love automatically deliver to your door each month at the lowest price guaranteed um our idea is that people get annoyed with uh having to over and over again buy [ __ ] and Order [ __ ] if you know what you like and if you've used it consistently you can get it done and get it done this way and uh not have to think about it as much what on it is is basically we try we call ourselves a human optimization website and what we try to sell you is all [ __ ] that we think can benefit you whether it's Health whether it's COG itive function strength and conditioning we sell battle ropes and kettle bells and all things for making you the the type of man that dyera is I mean you're not going to get there intellectually but if you could just just become a man through these did I lose too much weight Joe look at in my face am I gaunt I want you to be brutally honest you're not gone you're delicious thank you you look soft and lovable I just took a calgone bath before I came over you have such smooth skin you obviously not a man who has to work too hard outside in the cold frigid temperatures I haven't done anything since I did started doing standup I've never work I don't have a tool I don't I don't have one tool that's good that's a real comic that's why you're still funny H uh where was I Rogan on it whatever uh go get a battle rope rrap it around your dick stret stretch that thing out you're weak [ __ ] um just go there and check it out on it.com o nnit t I can't even continue doing these uh type of like super descriptive commercials because the people that have heard it a million times are freaking out but if you're interested go to on it use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements all right d is here can't believe you got him and he's super awesome how'd you get him in the studio The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day boom my brother what's up baby everything's good Joe you're a real comedian D marera you know I you're just
saying that for folks who didn't listen to the commercial part you don't have a tool you know you never done a thing he never turned to wrench yeah there was there's tool box there's two tool boxes in my house and they were the last two women that live with me that had they brought tool boxes I can't even lift it there's one I can't lift I don't know how Sophie lifted it that's hilar hilarious yeah every time somebody shakes my hand they go man you have soft hands oh they're butter they're like butter smooth yeah that's uh that's I really do believe that there's a real there's a real factor in that you remaining on top of your game all these years like you truly you truly like completely you know you're a comedian that's it that's what you're capable of I Love It I could do it in a hammock I followed Chris deia the other night at the he d Standing Ovation at the left Factory right I walk in and this was true I I had just woken up I took a nap like at 9:00 at night and the audience was standing I go no I said first of all Chris just got a standing ovation I just woke up I said uh I was just in in the bathtub like a big fat [ __ ] so lazy the only reason I was taking a bed cuz I was too lazy to stand up and shave right and I I said to the crowd now what would you do if you were me what the [ __ ] am I supposed to do fly around a room you know what do you mean after he yeah after after he had a standing ovation am I supposed to fly around the room I said tell me what to do and then you know they were with me because it was honest you know but the thing is what I'm what you were saying about just I I I give a [ __ ] totally but I don't give a [ __ ] like I could do it in a hammock at this point just much just my head out doing stand up that's actually not a bad idea be pretty funny for 30 that' be a good act yeah just laying there yeah especially like if it was a part of like a Comedy Festival maybe not even a regular set just like ladies and G gentlemen we present you D rera in a hammer and you just swinging back and forth with a wireless microphone in your hand talking [ __ ] man have things changed since I started doing the show red man is now taking a on the road with him yeah you believe he took Tiffany hadish which I said You Know Tiffany yeah sure I said
it's beautiful right but I said I would be afraid to [ __ ] Tiffany or even because I just I'm intimidated by her in a sense you call that a dick white boy I'll snap that [ __ ] off have you ever seen her queef into a microphone she closed it in Dallas and it brought down the house people just could couldn't understand it was happening like it was like a good 10-second pause where everyone's face was like wait that that just happened that and then it just destroyed so she just put the microphone in her box yeah and she had been on stage for 30 minutes so she had a wet [ __ ] she's she's mostly a like she had a wet [ __ ] from being on stage that's what she said turn on what amazing that honestly really that she's the first one to think of sticking microphone in her [ __ ] and queefing I don't remember it being done before I would have thought that Pioneer someone would have picked that up by now she's a [ __ ] Pioneer yeah but if you really think about it isn't it incredible that it's 2014 for her what was it like 2012 when did she start queefing I don't know she was on the podcast on the Ice House Chronicles like what two years ago maybe maybe it might have been either 12 2012 or 2013 either one of them either a year or two a year and a half ago but she was she was queefing and I was thinking then I was like I don't think anybody does this it's kind of amazing but you would have thought that somebody would have locked that down I mean that's been around for a long time the fact that no one stuck a microphone has any guy just committed to just farting on stage all the time I mean is as one is this her doing it yeah okay let's hear it see I can play this though what what what I think that's part of a fart too man I got to tell you I'm not really impressed what [ __ ] is farting on on stage if you see it closeup she like like kind of tilt her back a little and you could see her sucking air in so now you have to follow that no Tony did and he's sick right now he might have from the microphone I think oh jeez oh could you imagine if he really died because of the microphone imagine if you actually caught AIDS from a microphone you're like what the [ __ ] man not saying that Tiffany hsh has AIDS at all right but yeah God damn man she's a lot of fun
though man I'm so proud of her she's she's on the Areno hall now trying to bail himself out after this queefy queef episode well it is fascinating to me I mean it's just first of all it's fascinating because it's even though you say a woman's on stage she could reference her vagina she could point to it she could show it to you but when someone starts talking with it yeah like you know that noise came from that vagina that is several levels several levels more intimate her pussy's talking to you you hear the [ __ ] talking boy those those Texas girls didn't know how to act either they're faces no one should know how to act listen no one on the planet the reason why we know how to act is cuz we're deviants we're deviants and we've been around [ __ ] up people our entire lives I mean you you've been around no one but [ __ ] up people since we started working together and I've been around no one but [ __ ] up people for a decade before that so our you know our perspective is a bit skewed the boyfriend driving to the thing telling his girlfriend to show maybe a little May a littley yeah imagine if a girl is like really seriously Christian and you know I'll go to the show because I think Brian red band's cute but I heard that this girl Tiffany hadish makes Satan noise vagina Joe do you remember the hooker that we interviewed a long time ago on the Joe show yeah yeah in the parking lot of the uh Comedy Store she was like telling us how she did the business and stuff I was really stoned I was like I wonder if she's still a hooker and I found her online still a hooker oh my God and it's been what like 10 years she didn't she didn't get out of law school yeah no jeez was so weird how easy it was to find her too yes I'm torn I got to be honest I'm torn on the whole idea of prostitution cuz I feel like I always feel like you should be able to do whatever the [ __ ] you want if you want to have sex with someone for free you should be able to have sex with someone for free if a guy wants $1,000 if you jerk them off and you're like all right then you should be able to do that it should be legal it should be no no more no more different than if you wanted to get a massage like no one
wants to massage you man you're paying them to massage you when you go to a spa and you get a rub down for an hour that person does not want to do that you're giving them money and they're making you feel good with their fingers like you should be able to do whatever the [ __ ] you want and it's all our societal standards that are um [ __ ] up and weird about sex that said when I hear that someone's a hooker like that and it's been a hooker for 10 years that does not feel good it feels sad yeah it feels like she's uh lost and she's in a bad place and I'm torn because I don't know if that's my own biased perceptions like maybe she's meeting a bunch of people that are like really desperate for touch and you know maybe she picks good clientele and they have sex and that's how she gets paid and who gives a [ __ ] maybe it's that maybe it's that I mean but instantly you say that she's still a hooker I'm like but I'm like I'm questioning myself I'm like why you know why does it always have to be bad is it because we've Associated sex with something that you're you're it's naughty you're not supposed to do it so someone doing it for a living is somehow or another a bad thing I used to get Pro juice after I [ __ ] a regular girl like on the road why just just cuz it was wild it was the Curiosity of it if I had 1 oz of jizz left seriously I would get like I have like say like a waitress or something in on the road club uhhuh and she go and I call a prostitute total addict oh that's hilarious thank God for blood pressure medication do you think that's part of that just being Italian yeah I really do um you there's always been that like ridiculous stereotype of Italians as like over sex goons but there's a reason why that stereotype is not for Chinese guys okay there's a reason why that stereotype is not for you know fill in the blank it's like for you over sex apish goons for Italians is because they are I [ __ ] Sophie for 5 years every day every day a couple at least a couple times a day even when she was reading I didn't need to know that but now that I do I feel better yeah it's uh it's the my all my ancestors my [ __ ] my family back home like all the other talian I knew that I grew up with they were Savages oh yeah
they they would have gumars they call them like they take the gumar out on a Friday night and the wipe out on a Saturday did you see that new movie American Hustle I I fell asleep I heard that movie I I heard that movie sucks from so many people I don't know those people are idiots those people are idiots I got to watch it again I enjoyed that movie have it at home they sent it to me sag sent it to me it's Fu what are you bragging about the SAG thing there yeah they send it to everybody what kind of brag is that well if it if it gets bootlegged we know where it came from because D Mar rare really knows those no I had to agree to uh I accepted the agreement like they're going to trace it right right well there's a new thing they have now um somebody told me about online where you can get movies as they come out they cost 500 bucks really and it's like you have like a box in your house and that box stores a certain amount of movies wow yeah yeah I'll send you the information I sent it to um the guy who did the AV in this place my buddy and uh he said yeah it's legit he said it's it's a new thing it sets up to your house you could store like x amount of movies you could have like 10 movies on it at any one time and they're all in your name and they don't go anywhere they just plug in this box and you can play them on your TV and they each movie cost like 500 bucks wow which is weird man it's like that is a lot of [ __ ] money but I was at the movie theater I went to see American Hustle and this couple behind us just kept talking and it was not very many people in the theater so they were talking pretty loud because there was no one next to them and people just don't realize they probably don't even realize they're being rude because they thought they were far away but you don't realize how far your voice carries when everybody else is trying to yeah I was just going to say that I was going to bring that up and I was really frustrating but you know I just dealt with it and watched the movie I didn't say anything but a guy got shot in Florida some uh retired cop had a gun on him and he was texting he wasn't even talking he was texting texting in the theater and this cop W up getting an altercation with him I mean that's step one and then step you know
ultimate step 10 or whatever it is is he shot him who knows what happened the cop could have asked him and he could have G [ __ ] you [ __ ] or could have gotten crazy you know he's 72 years old or something too well maybe he's just ready to die on his own and he was like I just start killing kids until one of them gets me that's why like Ark like cuz now only you could pick your seats but then if there's somebody that's talking or something there's like a guy that just pretty much stands in that movie The that's they're on it like that yeah you're right there's another place called cineopolis that's even more dope they have these giant lounge chairs like you fully Rec the recline they sell food the food's really delicious and it's a way better experience people don't [ __ ] talk so it might be worth the 500 bucks is my point to have uh new movies as they come out it might be worth what you do is you get the box and you set up a camera in a dark room and you film it and we make a DVD of it and then we sell it to our friends for $20 each and get the $500 back do you want to go to jail or you just [ __ ] which one is that that was my first line to him when I first time I did the show right yeah that was the way we met what are you [ __ ] I love how you handled it it's beautiful there it is how do he handle it you oh how you handled it when you met him oh yeah called him what it is well I think I was right but I love him I don't know if I would pay 500 bucks for a movie though that seems like a lot of goddamn money that seems like at this point in time it's like come on man unless you really don't you know unless you're really annoyed by the public and then have that much money doesn't matter yeah but the problem is the more you do [ __ ] like that if you you know you could become a Hermit man you could be become a Hermit if you really paid attention to how goofy people are yeah you could really at one point in time force yourself into the mountain somewhere just [ __ ] be completely isolated well you handle it well you handle it really well you have a lot of patience it's not hard it's just a bunch of people being nice to you but when we're shooting pool and somebody wants to take a picture that's a little too much well get annoying that
that gets annoying when you're in the middle of some obvious activity or um when you're eating you're eating is a dumb one that's like come on I'm with mouthful they want to shake your hand too they want to shake your hand they want you to come I've had a lady in um Vegas ask me to come over to her I'm in the middle of eating I had a mouthful of food hi we're from Canada we would like it if you could come over to our table and I'm like what like I'm eating I'm not going to why would you ask someone I couldn't imagine going up to someone I didn't know and just ask them to come over our table we're big fans of Fear Factor like you to come over to our table ridiculous remember when Bruce Willis first first started getting famous back at the Improv in the 80s and this guy comes up to him he starts shaking his hand he wouldn't let it go he just keeps Bruce is looking at me and he goes and the guy goes Donna get the get get the camera get the camera out of the car Donna like he was holding him hostage so I took a picture that's when I first saw it any anyone of my friends get that glimpse of Fame and the annoying part of it wow he just held on to it I get the camera and he's shaking Bruce's hand Bruce is looking at me like what am I supposed to do you can't win what you pull it away you [ __ ] punch him what do you do some people are definitely crazy some people are just too excited to meet someone like Bruce Wills too it's like it's not natural I don't know what they think going happen it's kind of cool like if you see Bruce Willis like o That's Bruce Willis that's uh you know that's the guy from Moonlighting that's the guy from die hard yeah that's Bruce Willis he was in [ __ ] Pulp Fiction yeah I always tell people just enjoy their work I said enjoy their work leave them alone because if they met some people they'd be such a [ __ ] disappointment to them yeah you know well I don't know man it's just some people just aren't used to it in California I think way more people are used to seeing famous people yeah here they don't bother here they don't say thank you I like your work till after the check is done so they're not trying to bump up the tip you know yeah there's a little bit of that I'm sure um but California doesn't give a [ __ ] it's
like if you're famous or not famous there's so many famous people here it's not that big of a deal but if you're famous person like say and you moved to Iowa or something like that that would probably be really you know I know that just as a comedian because in Columbus Ohio I get recognized more than I get recognized out here but I might get recognized but they don't give a [ __ ] well you have a big following Columbus you know it's kind of interesting how Comics develop followings in one city or another and I've never really quite understood that but you know how there is that issue like like the the best example is that guy Bob Marley I Love Bob Marley great guy yeah great salt of the earth sweetheart of a guy I've known him for 20 plus years Bob I knew Bob when Bob was an open micer in Maine he would come down and do uh Nick's comedy stop and he would uh he did a guest set at one of our shows on the road cuz he was like uh the Bangor house comedian this place but it's a real sweetheart of a guy and a very funny guy but my point is that he's a huge act in Maine yeah like people he sells books and albums and yeah you might have heard of them like most of you you know if you if you're a comedy fan you know you you might have uh heard them on serious satellite radio or SE him on Comedy Central or something like that but you would have no idea tell me a great story about Billy Crystal they got into um an elevator him and Chuck Butch Bradley and Billy Crystal was there and Bob goes in the book going hey Billy you know nice to meet you we're Comedians and he just kind of went mhm you know like kind of dished them yeah ignored him and Bob says to me he goes I didn't know whether to [ __ ] push the stop button and beat the [ __ ] out of him or just let it go you know he said so he let it go wow Billy Crystal probably stopped being a comedian somewhere along the line well you know what I mean about stop being a comedian oh yeah if that if you do that you stopped being a comedian he was always really nice to me and then one time I interviewed interviewed him and dairo for this Comedy Central thing and he was real smug and [ __ ] like he turned against me and cuz I cuz zero like is kind of thick you know and I said to him cuz he sang
thick what way thick and mentally like he's not real he's not he's not there you know like real quick I mean he's a great actor but that's that's a whole different story but dairo I said to him because he sang and analyzed that and I said I I love your singing I always loved more than anything I loved you singing obviously I'm kidding I go I says you were the definitive tevia and Fiddler on the Roof and dairo goes oh thank you right like he don't [ __ ] get it he was barely paying attention to you and Billy was like that's exactly what it was and Billy was like you know kind snapping at me I'm thinking man bill you turning on me I'm another comedian just you go with it I think sometimes a guy like him will get tired of being the center of attention you know because I think also to be that kind of an actor he's not who dairo yeah to be that kind of an actor don't you think he's lost some of his legacy though by the doing these stupid films he definitely has but I'll tell you what he was in American Hustle and he's [ __ ] gangster in it yeah he's badass I love the guy I mean he's a very small part but it's vintage dairo but that's my question like what when you work that much and you have taxi driver and Raging Bull in in your iten in your resume where you going to go from there I mean he he just wants to work so he's doing the [ __ ] and all this stuff and well maybe he enjoys it though thing I mean it's like he obviously enjoys working you know that's a lot of pressure to be so big that you can't just do medium [ __ ] true you know well he put in some of the greatest performances of all time the Cape Fear oh he's [ __ ] mening Jesus Christ he [ __ ] terrifing when when he was in the the empty theater with the the girl put his finger his finger in her mouth yeah that was [ __ ] wild it was wild it was a [ __ ] crazy movie he was one of the scariest guys ever as a a menacing guy and Taxi Driver as well oh yeah well he always deteriorated you know even in king of comedy he got crazier and crazier as the movie went on yeah that's right king of comedy oh my God I forgot about pumpkin you know what I saw the other day um I'm going to have to sit down and watch the whole thing but I was flipping uh through the channels and it was on was I flipping through the
channels or was I whatever somehow or another I was watching a small P piece of it Deer Hunter oh yeah that was Heavy [ __ ] godamn that's a good movie I I had to stop it and I said you know I can't start it in the middle here and just watch it from here I'm gonna I'm going to come back to this watch this as a full movie that movie deserves to be watched as a full movie just flip through the channels you catch that not because this is Sons of Italy day but to switch to one other no but to switch to one other Italian Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon you ever see that fantastic movie I saw it again last year [ __ ] incredible fantastic movie yeah what a weird plot too oh yeah change St yeah yeah but it like I mean um uh John Cassel no uh who the was thato no Pacino's buddy who's P John Cassel yeah from he was he was Fredo he yeah exactly yeah he played such a weird freaky character and Pacino was so off oh yeah it was like there was it was such a different person like this kind of guy who's robbing a bank to pay for a sex change like what yeah yeah you almost seemed little two together to be that guy almost a little to together when he went outside that was when Attica came from ATA ATA that was a big movie man yeah you I was reading about him cuz they didn't want to cast him in The Godfather Michael cor leó you know who they wanted for who Redford really Robert Redford right and then they and they watched and somehow you know Copa wed him and he finally got him in and how great how great was he in that movie he was spectacular transition between Michael and The Godfather I think those guys that do those movies like Pino and dairo Harvey kitel and all these like historical actors um after a while they're just [ __ ] working you know yeah yeah until the next really big project comes up till something that comes up don't die on us Tom little bronchitis Jo I know not bragging I know um but it's like to to keep up that level of work you know to keep up the the level of work that they did like like Samuel Jackson and Pulp Fiction to keep up that level of work I mean that's like spectacular goddamn movie and how do you follow your sub the part is so perfect that's one of the most menacing Parts ever that's another menacing like the the menacing part of uh of dairo and
Cape Fear Samuel Jackson's menacing part as a Hitman oh yeah who's talking [ __ ] to you before he shoots you about your cheeseburger that is indeed a tasty burger he was [ __ ] horrifying man that was about the scene in True Romance was talking about the remember that who who was in that uh you're talking about when he's talking about Africa yeah yeah yeah uh what is Gary Oldman you talking about was oh Christopher Walker when he was talking about Sicilians yeah yeah yeah yeah Walker and Dennis Hopper that was one of the heaviest [ __ ] scenes and put some comedy in it yeah Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction was a [ __ ] dude when he would quote the Bible to you before he would shoot you his wallet said bad [ __ ] on it he had Jerry curls running around in a suit shooting people that was a that was a wild part yeah he's a he's a good menacing [ __ ] he's got crazy eyes and thanks for doing my podcast anytime my brother appreciate it can I do a Shameless plug yeah sure do you mind because these [ __ ] clubs this Show's so big everybody ask me if I can do it if I can run 30 seconds is it okay what are you talking about I just wanted to mention where I'm going to be do you have stuff written down yeah because they drive me [ __ ] crazy who's driving you crazy any club that knows I'm going to do this show all right I'm doing Side Splitters in Tampa can I do this yeah go ahead just do Side Splitters in Tampa Knoxville s Splitters La Factory Chicago Long Beach Vegas Funny Bone Columbus Denver Comedy Works Stress Factory and kill Kenny Ireland this is all great but this is not the way let me tell you the best way to do it in the future just get a Twitter that you do you post on a regular basis and have all your dates up on Twitter and then send people to your Twitter or send people to your calendar you realize who you're talking to these people are not going to remember all these things that's the problem when you say a bunch of things in a row that loses their meaning if you say go to d.net or.com boom on Twitter how much do you do uh on Twitter do you do you get on Twitter all the time not all the time but I do it if I get drunk you know I do some profound vul a great way
to promote gigs man you're yeah you're great at that [ __ ] but do you do it at all yeah do you do it before each week yeah TSH got me into it he he did a he did a tweet I went from like four followers to 10,000 cuz he retweeted me whatever he did yeah yeah TSH is uh he's he's gigantic right now you know what's weird about Twitter and like just being being around for a while Justin Bieber has like 44 million something like that and Paul McCartney has a million right and I know it's different worlds but isn't that incredible though it is kind of incredible it seems like uh I mean I don't think Paul McCartney's tweeting all the time does he yeah does he use it cuz Justin Bieber actually uses it yeah yeah that's the big thing with one of those guys he's always in the laugh Factor you know he wants to do standup what are you putting on oh it's just a story of a Bieber getting his house raided this morning they found cocaine so far in it oh God yeah they're they're looking for because he recently egged his neighbor's house and caused over A5 to $20,000 worth of damage allegedly bro allegedly but supposedly there's video allegedly and uh I guess over $400 a you know a felony so they uh they're raiding his home looking for any connections to that and you know if they find any drugs on the way they can just arrest him for any how crazy is do they need 10 cop cars to arrest Justin Bieber so wow they took him in yeah yeah I think what the deal is is like if recently in the news they've been just he's been just terrorizing his neighborhood he's been terrorizing the he's got a posy with him you know yeah which is hilarious that would suck if you had some multi-million dollar house and you lived in this really nice place and you had this crazy [ __ ] living next door to you driving down the street like 50 m per hour while your daughter's in the driveway you know that that would suck you think he'll end up killing himself well if he's doing the coke it's not a good sign Ira doing the coke is not not nobody just like is really good at Coke like there's some people that are good at surfing yeah and surfing's hard if I tried surfing I'd fall flat on my [ __ ] face if you get good at surfing you do it for a while you learn how to perfect it no one ever gets that way with cocaine no you know how I said
to you a long time ago Joe that uh when you did pot it changed you and and I think it really helped you I never said that about Coke I never said you know Tony's doing a lot more coke lately he's really gotten his life together yeah a lot of people say that about meth guys do meth and all a sudden they really [ __ ] straighten up yeah get their life in order boy your gums look good well that's the problem with labeling a drug as a drug you know like saying it's a drug it seems like they're all the same thing you know no they're not they're the just what a drug is is something that affects your brain but the vast majority of them are good like there's a lot of good drugs there's a lot of like change a drug I don't think it affect caffeine is a good drug it's a good drug I mean you might not like it but I like a [ __ ] cup of coffee yeah it's good you know uh I I like the fact that uh you know there's uh there's drugs that could help people that are sick there's drugs that can help people that are in intense pain there's drug there's a lot of drugs that have like some real beneficial effects and then there's drugs that will ruin your life yeah there's drugs that nobody survives there's the the opiates the heroin the meth the the speeds the ones where you hear about these terrible stories of people's lives completely falling apart you can I mean you can kind of include pot in there I've heard people talk about other people that ruin their life on pot yeah but that's them inside that's just they're looking for something to ruin their life I agree and I see that the same way as gambling you know uh the gambling thing people uh think that uh compulsive gambling is uh very different than drug addiction I don't think it's different at all no I think it's all the same some somehow or another you get hooked on a drug except this time you're getting a drug from taking a risk I believe you can have that with sex oh sure with anything masturbation there's guys that have masturbated their dick raw and then like tried to figure out other ways of jerking off I'm not looking at you in the eyes because it's you I'm just saying yeah for everything it's weird isn't it that people get addicted to stuff the physical addictive part is really weird that we we like a chemical
attaches itself to our system yeah and then you need that chemical like that's what they say about Amy wi housee they they found no drugs in her system and they think that she just quit drinking and if you are really serious alcoholic and you just cut it off entirely you can actually die from that yeah you go into convulsions wow I didn't know that yeah yeah yeah Amy wine housee when she died apparently was just booze you know and everybody looks at and you think of her as this uh this mess you know this this awful drug addict Boozer pill popping but really you know it was alcohol well I love to drink you know I still drink a lot but I uh I would never wake up and drink like that's that's I mean I'm not saying that's a good I'm I'm not a condoning my type of drinking but man when you wake up and have couple shots that's that's hurting you're not going to last long doing that you're you're really putting your liver into over overdrive Amy wi housee was talented as [ __ ] though yeah godamn she could sing she had such a sultry voice but do you ever hear about people not talented because you nobody cares I mean it's like look at all the great people that died at 27 like people from the 60s Joplin HRI Marson all three of them died at 27 right yeah 27 man that was a baby at 27 that was so stupid all I did was play basketball I wasn't even a comedian yet well I think we missed um that generation that that Hendrick and Janice jaen generation if you talk to anybody that went through that they say that the change from the time of their parents to them was so massive and it was so much different than anything this culture had ever seen before it was a revolutionary change and that was all fueled by drugs all of that that was marijuana and LSD specifically yeah that's what was changing all those people and that's why they came up with that sweeping psychedelic act in 1970 that made everything illegal they didn't even have to have like proof of bioavailability like they they made some stuff illegal that doesn't even affect you doesn't even work was legal assd was legal before that right yeah assd was legal psychiatrist used to give people Carrie Grant used to take asset in th wow that's heavy yeah well they the supposedly according to McKenna the
federal government uh originally came up when when they found out about acid they thought it was going to be a truth serum they thought they were going to be able to give it to the enemy grab him hook them up with acid and then uh they would tell them all the coordinates for the enemy enemy bases and then they found out it was not a truth theorum there's no [ __ ] way this is a truth the crazy no so then they decided that it was going to be uh something that they would give their soldiers in case they ever got caught so you wouldn't tell the truth but could you [ __ ] imagine they they you getting a you're in war okay you're some poor kid you've been shipped off to Germany you got a machine gun in your hand you people are shooting at you bullets are whizzing overhead and you get captured well how [ __ ] terrifi are you you're [ __ ] in your pants you're going to die oh my God I'm getting captured by the Nazis and then you take acid like was there ever worse advice ever I mean prove positive that the government is not looking out for your best interest they give you [ __ ] acid to take when you get a captured by enemy holy [ __ ] that's so ridiculous well that was always like a a paranoia of mine is getting somebody to put something in my drink should be there's a lot of [ __ ] out there I never leave a drink on a bar I never you know I always uh tell especially women don't don't trust anybody unless when somebody loves you you know I've talked to many people that believe that they were drugged many people I think that there's a lot of guys out there that do that on a regular basis it's one of the most disgusting things about men is this thing that you keep hearing about I mean I'm sure it happens with women that women do it too whether to other women or whether to men but I hear about it with men doing it to women a lot it's scary that people someone would be willing to do that that there's such a [ __ ] sociopath that they're willing to drug someone and who wants to be with somebody who's just asleep I mean I guess it's a different kind of they just wanted I think it's part of it is they know they're doing something evil yeah I think part of it is they know they're getting away with something and they're they just want to do it cuz it's a crazy Rush yeah you
know I was thinking about that with rape you know there was a woman who was raped in the Lower East Side uh like not of her body I was just thinking yeah I believe I went there that's not funny Tom stop laugh funny Joe it's horrible it's quick but anyway uh I was thinking that like how the [ __ ] do you stay hard I mean it's got to be just anger and violence because it can't be sex or anything because I'm thinking how do you stay hard when you're hurting somebody you know what I mean some people and how do you you know take their clothes off and [ __ ] it's crazy yeah I think some people just have a horrible view of humanity of themselves of other people you know the and it almost all comes down to if you're willing to do that to somebody else like that you don't love yourself you don't love yourself you haven't been treated with love it's really that simple if you if you want to hurt someone scare them and put Terror in them and that somehow or another gives you Joy or gives you some sort of a rush and you're willing to to sacrifice this person's safety and health you don't understand the connection between human beings like you you've been raised in a terrible way whatever's happened to you along the way is a disaster you're a [ __ ] terrifying aspect of society how different we can be programmed that you could react like that you know oh yeah I mean think about all the different variables when it comes to creating a human being you know if you get abused that's the big one people that have been abused and the recidivism rate for people that were uh rape themselves you know like the the the way that they turn to uh to violent and violent sexuality it's it's really really common you know and then the people that do it the people that abuse kids or abuse anybody the the real issue with the is they don't seem to get better like it's a weird thing like they always have that desire they had this guy on a talk show once and he was talking about it it was he was a sex predator and he was a reformed sex predator he did time and all that jazz and he just talk about how when the thoughts come up he just fights fights them back well he was reformed cuz a lot of them say that they can't be reformed well he says he can't I mean he's
controlling it right but I mean the the fact is he's also admitting that he has these feelings all the time right it's a [ __ ] up thing like what did it what is that I mean we want to hate and we want to judge and you know it is an awful awful aspect of humanity but just strictly scientifically like what is that he was molested definitely most likely right% I would say yeah most likely unless there's something else wrong in the development of the mind some you know blood got cut off to the wrong area I mean I don't know I'm guessing but [ __ ] man that's a a terrible combination we we must figure out how to eliminate that just if you eliminated if you look at all the like the you know look at the 180 Dees of possibilities of people from really nice people to really [ __ ] evil people the the really evil is a small number if you could just eliminate all the really [ __ ] up [ __ ] people do like murder and rape if you could just take away murder and rape just those two murder rape and robbery I can understand murder more than rape well I can understand it yeah especially you know when you hear about how hot people get just in a a row at a movie theater oh yeah you know a guy shots a guy shoots a guy for texting you know and whatever words were changed but yeah but if you could eliminate just that small amount boy would things be different man if you could just figure out a way to not develop rapists not grow up murderers not like you if we just figure out how to do that just those things that none of us have done just those things that most of our friends haven't done just take those you know just those those the rare occurrences and eliminate them or drastically reduce them the whole world would be different remember that comedian Vince something Vince Champ or yeah the one was the the rapist yeah and he would go into uh colleges colleges but also the pattern seemed to be he'd go into the music department where it was soundproof the room and when the girl would be playing piano you know some practicing piano and that's that's what he would do you know he had the whole thing down oh no oh that's ter what was his name Vince Champ I think it was Vince Champ I don't know yeah I think that's his name because uh on the wall the Austin Club Cap City they used
to have this Vince Champ joke I forget what the joke was really very distasteful about like when he got arrested for rape there's some joke about it yeah that's a lot it's a lot it's a long way from a DUI yeah well it's also like a really creepy thing that this guy was doing he was doing it over and over again he was telling them to pray for him oh really yeah yeah he was he would rape these girls and tell them to pray for him was that the right name Reed it looks like it yeah yeah that's white guy or black guy yeah like there's all these reports saying like he was a nice guy everyone said yeah down there he fairly religious fell yeah and he he's still in jail oh yeah he'll be in jail for a while yeah they keep you in jail for a long time when you're a serial rapist I mean how how many long is he in jail let me write that down along with my comedy club it's got to be more than 25 years right convicted of rape kidnapping and robbery he stole two that wasn't enough and we're not just talking jokes Dom he probably took like little pieces of things from them or something that's often times people supposedly do that they take little pieces of something from you that connects them like as a trophy several rapes of the the music like playing the piano exactly so awful 19-year-old um he was convicted and given life sentences for two assaults in Iowa with time served for good behavior he could be released in 2025 he will be 64 years old how is his life 2025 how how do they do that yeah I life doesn't really mean life anymore it's like it's like 30 years is life well they're too busy putting people in jail for pot so there's no [ __ ] room yeah that's do you hear what they're doing with the people in Denver they're not letting them use Banks we weed is legal they're they're selling weed they made over a million dollars in the first day and the government says you can't put your money in the bank what are you going to do exactly wait the people that are selling the weed exactly the people that are owning these
pot chops so this isn't doctors or anything like like California this just no no no no this is stores this is just like inam then well it's just like anything else that's in a store it's like selling tents or [ __ ] microphone arms you know it's whatever you're selling a product but the fact that this is available for sale and they they have licenses and they start selling it in retail outlets Outlets but the government says you can't put your money in a bank so they run into like some serious danger because you're you're talking about massive amounts of cash but they probably had a lot of cash before it was legal I don't think so why would you think so I mean some people were just people that took a chance and started a business yeah but they didn't pick with credit cards for when they sold pot on the streets any dealers you know well how do you know that they were dealers before this happened I don't this is see this is now that it's legal in the state this is like a protected business it's a business I mean it's a real legal business they have license to do it and everything so it becomes a weird thing when you don't let those people put the money in the bank because you're creating a really dangerous situation that doesn't make sense yeah it's really dangerous I never thought the ille legality of pot made sense and I don't even smoke cuz I have no agenda it's just such a stupid thing it's such I mean compared to anything else well it shows you how the government is not looking out for your best interest if they're willing to take these people who are doing something that they voted on and they deemed lawful and take these people and put them in a weird situation where they can't put their money in a bank you're being a bully like you're being a [ __ ] shitty bully and it's it doesn't make sense like you're not protecting anybody with this this is this is actually putting people in danger so what do you do you're not going to arrest them you're going to agree that the state says it's legal and State's rights as you know as we all agreed on when they formed this silly country State's rights are supposed to take precedent it's supposed to be the number one thing and then the federal government is only in charge in times of crisis and emergency and War and but
you're supposed to be able to vote on things like in your States like that's the whole premise it's like a little spite move it's a [ __ ] move it's a total [ __ ] move and it's not just a [ __ ] move it's it's it's it's nerve-wracking it's it's like you're forcing these people to to stockpile money if they want to be in business they have to take bags of money out of there anybody could just Rob them at any point in time and you know it and they know it and so you put them in the situation where they become targets and it's a really sneaky way of being a [ __ ] well you would think that they would want the money to become part of the system because everybody makes more money you know someone's resisting and they think somehow or another as they lose ground over and over and over again they're going to do this one thing that's going to be good and G get them back to the victory column but it's not there's too much information now it's not going to work anymore you can't do it anymore you can't tell us that we can't do something that's normal and natural there's nothing wrong with pot if you tell us we can't put money in the bank because we sell pot then we tell you what [ __ ] Bank what are you talking about who runs this Bank why how can you decide what the [ __ ] happens in this bank is the government the bank connected like what's going on here how can you make this decision who owns the money right you know why can't why can't someone who's legally making it put it in a bank what are you trying to pull here well you're doing a business move is what you're doing you're blocking someone out of business that's what you're doing suppose they sell suppose they sell pot and Shrubbery right so they they're making the money what do you do how do you who dictates which money came from the pot I mean have receipts oh okay D accounted 10 smart as a whip joke yeah that's why you know you can't deduct everything if you deduct too much the government goes after you just In Spite and then they go after your ass they'll peek up your ass every four years like I remember when before they had to claim stuff and I was a valet in Brooklyn I would we would make so much [ __ ] money I had a suitcase full full of ones it looked like I robbed the dollar store it was the greatest this then you know now waiters
and waes have to claim everything right yeah but that was a great world in the 80s before it it all changed they came down hard on them on tips yeah did you ever work for tips Joe ye um sort of I I worked at a car wash you got paid in tips there all right couple different places limo driver kind of limo driver yeah you got tips as a limo driver but you know it's not the big part of it you never had a waiter though no I never worked as a waiter I worked as a cook a couple places really yeah worked as cook at a papaginos in Massachusetts and a place called Newport creamy that's got to be [ __ ] hard cheeseburgers and [ __ ] I was a kid in high school it's good gig everyone was [ __ ] everybody really oh my god there was these hot girls that worked at Newport creary and me and a couple other Savages these guys and uh it was we were all coming into puberty everybody was like 16 17 you know we were all coming into I shouldn't even say puberty we're we were becoming uh young adults men and everybody was [ __ ] everybody it was like this constant hookup it was like all this gossip like you don't think of people working flipping cheeseburgers getting laid dude great it's all well it was all high school kids it was a complete utter orgy it was this the girl who's the [ __ ] worked at the the counter would blow you and and this and this guy was trying to Bang everybody and this guy didn't give a [ __ ] and this girl [ __ ] these three guys one night she got hammered and like it was craziness well you know there's a girl at the L Factor really wants to [ __ ] you e yeah and I told her she last night she's asked me last night she let's not talk about this on the air no no everything's cool I told her you're married and happy and love in your family so I said leave them alone thank you appreciate it well godamn wolves they're out there I think it' be way creepier if you were a chick though if you were a famous chick a bunch of guys wanted to [ __ ] that would be very unnerving that [ __ ] would be unnerving Amy Schumer is that her name Amy Schumer yeah oh the comedian yeah yeah we seen a lot of guys want to [ __ ] her oh yeah do you want to [ __ ] her is that what you're saying yeah I do W it's a weird time for
a confession I feel better now got it off my off my my my mind where didd that come from all of a sudden you're talking about Amy you Amy Sher what's that you ever whack one off to Amy Schumer no I don't do I don't whack off to individuals groups do you have like a wall and your female comedians Sarah silver singers Janine G no not Janine Galo I like women the blue man oh how dare you d r how dare you she's a woman she the unfunniest let me tell you something I worked in Montreal for [ __ ] years and one thing she has is balls and she's a good actress but I have never seen anybody suck the energy out of a room that you know how member of the club soda uhhuh and she was so [ __ ] strong a woman but she's so [ __ ] she was so bad that they didn't know what I saw people like trying to think of something funny that happened to them that day so maybe they could smile oh and she died so badly and then and she turns to me it's like almost in slow motion like a Twilight Zone she goes Dom did you give me the light I go Janine I don't give lights I'm just hosting the show whatever you want you want to come off she goes no I'll stay I'll stay and [ __ ] die for three more minutes oh brutal anyway well she's a person that she's very smart obviously you she's very opinionated she was a good radio host she was on that air America show she's just snotty as [ __ ] she's very smart but I in that in that intelligence you can sometimes be like really caught up in it and take yourself super seriously and then when you do a lot of times you lose your sense of humor she was so rude to me I did Mark marn's podcast in uh in Austin and she was on and she said they were talking about some ter terrorist thing and and I just I I said oh that you know I named the wrong guy right I was just like not paying attention her and Norton these people she goes is he serious is he Ser like I wasn't there is he serious I just wanted a [ __ ] throttle and I just was nice and when I went on stage with her I was fine that's a very Hollywood move of uh what is he serious is he serious well you know you interrupted their really exciting talk about obscure [ __ ] right or political [ __ ] or you know world leaders that they think need to be addressed
yeah people get angry if people are not on the same page you know I think it's funny when I talk to someone they don't even know what the [ __ ] Twitter is I think it's funny I don't get angry at them I don't get like you don't know Twitter like really what you know is what you know I mean look I know a lot about sports you don't follow the NFL like I do but I would never be like you know come on Joe how could you not know that the only thing I could see would be annoying as if you were interrupting if it was like it was like a really important conversation for them and they thought they were really getting out a good point and you were cracking some choke about the wrong guy no I didn't do that I just was asking was that the guy and then that's what she said it was the guy who was the president of Iran they were talking about people take themselves really seriously but I've done that before I've taken myself too seriously before or getting too caught up in an idea before the point where you you know think it's more important than just being a person yeah but part of that is which makes you such a [ __ ] hilarious comedian because your point of view is UN obstru instructed you just you are once you believe in something that's it and I like that just kind of commitment to it you know what I mean I mean when you like the things about the universe and when you get into certain things I don't know how much you really know but I F it's almost like you you're preaching but not in a bad way not in a not in a pedantic way but just in a way like holy [ __ ] I think that's why you have so many fans cuz you're so [ __ ] strong in your beliefs some more people waver than you hm um maybe I don't know man when when you talk about things like the universe or just the realities of this strange Dimension that we exist in thought about we have we've had the same thought about the Earth's orbit and we have no control over it cuz I told you that agoraphobic thing that I have where I will walk onto the beach and be aair that would be sucked into the atmosphere yeah that's [ __ ] wacky that's pretty crazy and like I'd be the first one since the Blessed Mother that ascended into heaven you know you're just laying on the beach all of a sudden I'm [ __ ] shooting up into the into the sky I that's a weird fear I know but I always
I always carry anchors with me to the beach we're so lucky that this is a time where you could go onto just you know space.com or any io9.com there's a million different websites that could show you these crazy videos of the universe and crazy new things they're discovering every day I think this be a shame to not like take part in The Wonder of that all because it's all going on right now and the revelations that these guys are figuring out on a you know weekly monthly and yearly basis are [ __ ] incredible they just took the a photograph of a planet and a star it's like 60 something million light years away oh it's but it's already burned out but we just got the light from it yeah is that true yeah it's already it's already gone in reality but it took so long for the light to get here we just got it that hurts my brain that hurts my brain when you're looking at a star you're seeing a star that may be already gone well the thing that [ __ ] me up is that there's no end to the universe cuz I'm used to an end like the end of the the trail the end of this the end of a relationship some kind of [ __ ] end but there's no end to the immen enormity of space that that blows me away well not only is there no to it this is what they're saying now it it doesn't make any sense to me but they could break they believe that the universe may be broken down into individual sizes but then these individual universes exist in parallel with a bunch of other like infinite number of individual universes so what they think is that this is impossible for me to even understand so I shouldn't even be relaying it but this is as how it's been explained inside every black hole they think is the portal to another Universe inside every Galaxy is a black hole so when you look out you see 100 million galaxies what you're seeing is a 100 million universes and each side each each Galaxy if you go through the black hole in the center they qu they probably do and somewhere on that on those planets imagine if Tiffany hsh was the first person to queef a microphone in the universe in the whole universe the whole if maybe that's what brings the aliens here we never thought of that we can do that we never thought of that not into a mic at least this is truly groundbreaking this American art
form of stand up comedy but the so what what they're saying is it's like it's like a fractal you know what a fractal is you ever seen like a fractal image no fractal image is a geometric image that as you get closer and closer and smaller and smaller and closer and you realize that the same image repeats itself over and over and over again infin in infinitely um one of the more fascinating ones is called the mandal BR set um Google mandal set fractal um video because there's a video where they show how it works it's you you first of all it looks like a design like you just look at it you look it's like okay it's just some weird design looks like a like a I don't know like a logo for a cartoon or something like that like just some weird design but then as you get closer and closer to this design it it branches out all along the edges are not smooth and around the edges are in fact the exact same pattern of the of the the mandle BR set the way it looks on the outside and then as you get closer in you see it again and closer in you see it more it never ends it's infinite like what do you got there mandal BR set you see that thing to the right of it see that thing to the right that black one that's the mandal BR set no no no the one above it the one above that the see that one the black one yeah that's it the black one that's the mandal BR set it's uh fractals are fascinating man because they're able to create these things with computers that you know didn't exist 50 years ago and I actually I don't even know when they invented fractals I think it might have been even more recently than 50 years ago go but the idea behind them all is um that they're infinite that as you go deeper into the the macro into the micro you you see that this pattern repeats itself over and over again this is the best way to describe it a fractal is a mathematical set that typically displays self-similar patterns which means that they are the same from near as far often they have an irregular or fractured appearance but not always fractals may be exact the same at every scale or as Illustrated in figure one they may be nearly the same at different scales the definition of fractal goes beyond self- similarity anyway what they think is that the universe is like this
they think that inside every every black hole is a whole another Universe not only is it infinite but it might even have its own laws it may have its own physical laws of movement and weight and gravity and light and all those things might be different it might be off it might be completely different existence and then inside those universes are hundreds of billions of galaxies and inside them hundreds of billions of infinite new universes I always think of that when they say you know we're searching for a place that has water so they could have life but how do we know that there can't be different kinds of lives that don't depend on water it's it all hurts my head it all hurts my head and that's why I'm a comedian ladies and gentlemen is this thing on it really does hurt my head when I when I start thinking about that each Galaxy would actually be infinite like they'll say that even though maybe the the universe is 15 billion light years across it's still infinite because even though it it's it's impossible to measure a billion light years yeah 15 billion light years light travels at 186,000 MES per second a billion of that and 15 billion I mean that's the idea is that the Big Bang occurred 14 something billion years ago and from then on it's just been this expansion expansion to what we are today so what club are you working this week I'm not working take it I'm going pig hunting are you really with call no no no the Steve Rella we're not filming this we're just going to go shoot some wild boes are you serious I'm totally serious wow you got this whole alternate life man well um I'm very excited about this little hunting thing I've become obsessed you you should get a GoPro man I would really like to see like you know you can get a GoPro that attaches to your chest or your helmet or whatever rle yeah yeah the GoPro on the rifle would be the way to go right you see the bullet come out I wonder if you can do that where do you go pig hunting they they have there's a ranch we're going to a ranch they put the pigs out there and no no no they're wild they're wild they're wild boes wow yeah they're uh they're these crazy looking monster animals you ever seen a wildar yeah I've seen I've seen them well wild boar is are one of the few animals you can hunt all year round because they have to keep
the population under in check if they don't keep the population in check the the results are disastrous like perfect example is they opened up a highway in Texas the night they opened it up there was some insane number like 40 accidents car accidents where people hit pigs really yeah because they're [ __ ] everywhere Texas has an insane amount of pigs insane amount and they're they're really out of control to the point where they uh they eradicate them through helicopters they have helicopters they fly over herds and just gun them all down wow yeah it's crazy now do you eat them oh yeah oh they're delicious they're really good they're really tasty and they're you know of course depending on what they're eating if you get pigs that are near people you're going to get pigs that you know they might be eating some garbage they might get a hold of some but if you're having pigs that are living out in the wild they're sort of uh they're omnivores you know they'll eat some meat they'll eat grasses they'll eat plants they'll eat vegetables they eat a lot of things but they're super lean and they're uh they're [ __ ] mean looking what is that uh this is a guy named Caleb that I met in Austin and this is his uh dogs attacking a wild boar that got on his farm I believe it was and okay I don't want to see this man I don't want to see this this gross it's crazy there's one way they hunt them man they use dogs and they sick dogs on them and the dogs hold them in place then they come along and cut the the pig's throat not when I say they not this this ranch right they do that in Hawaii a lot and they do that in um Texas a lot they use uh they use dogs the dogs hold the the pig down and then they stab them it's really kind of [ __ ] crazy I think that uh shooting animals probably the most ethical way to I mean period of ending an animal's life if you're going to eat meat even if you're buying meat that's in a store you're dealing with the fact that that animal was a [ __ ] slave that animal was just sitting around waiting for its death from the moment it was alive but if you're getting an animal in the wild like you're dealing with something that is completely off the grid and then you're stepping into its world for a bit and taking something out of it yeah and
eating that and that's going to be your food yeah with him and the the pigs were attacking his property and his dogs found him on his like the dogs were just like walking around and then the pig attacked the dogs and then he they'll kill your dogs they'll kill your dogs will they go after a person they'll kill people if you have them in a pen you know that's a real common thing with pigs by the way these wild pigs according to Steve vanill even wild boes it's essentially the same animal they they get Inner breed they breed back and forth with each other you know there different strains but they're essentially the same animal but if you have uh you keep domestic pigs and you fall in when you're feeding them good luck really yeah they might eat you they might just bite the [ __ ] [ __ ] out of you and once they bite you and they find out that they can eat you they're not they don't care about you they're going to keep eating you they're going to hold you down and [ __ ] eat you and no evidence yeah they'll eat everything they'll eat your goddamn they'll eat your goddamn teeth they'll eat everything they'll smash everything up they're [ __ ] monsters man and they taste delicious nothing like bacon well in the in the South they have a lot of uh the Wild boes and the domestic Hogs they're like sort of uh in breeding and they're making these giant [ __ ] wild pigs have you ever seen or heard of Hogzilla no okay pull up the image of Hogzilla you won't even believe this is a real animal they're having these pigs that are like the size of cows like a normal Pig you know they get pretty big you know domestic pigs they get pretty huge I mean I I think they can get a th000 pounds E Yeah but these [ __ ] things are ridiculous look at the size of that that's a perspective one there's one where it's hanging upside down that's not the Hogzilla one either that's a different different large wild boar that's it holy [ __ ] yeah look at that okay that guy is standing right behind that [ __ ] thing he's not too far away see CU his foot is parallel to the Paw of the pig so the argument that this is like a perspective shot I think Fades away because that guy's touching that thing that's a big [ __ ] is there a chance you come across some of them
where you going no no no no those are that's like a deep south thing that's a Georgia thing they've they've had that in uh is [ __ ] freaky man I think Georg is where they've gotten the biggest ones so that's because certain kind of breeding they breed them huh well the the wild pigs and the domestic pigs are breeding and then uh sometimes if if they get out they can get really big I mean who knows what it could be it could be that I'm just guessing but it could be that someone [ __ ] around with genetics look at the size of that thing Jesus [ __ ] Christ Amara that is a huge animal don't tell me it's fast too oh they're run they run oh they run fast and their muscular [ __ ] man they're notoriously tough but the flesh is really lean imag really good for you imagine the uy the guy who got killed by a pig it's not the first people try not to laugh I wouldn't I wouldn't think people would be laughing D I don't know what the [ __ ] is wrong with you so someone lost their life okay look at that thing yeah but to a pig look at that [ __ ] pig you tell me you don't think that pig would take you out that pig was running after you Joe I don't think I don't know if you know how Li n how Nimble I am well your tongue is very shouldn't have taken that Xanax yeah pigs are giant they can get really big real aggressive and they have um what is this I don't know it's just mixing with the pig photos makes that sense um anyway yeah so pig hunting so you that's what I'm doing this weekend where you working uh Tampa Side Splitters sorry about the Shameless plug no worries man it's in effective I won't do it again are you staying at a ranch are you uh camping or no I'm doing I I stay at the at a hotel oh you talking to jail yeah yeah you stay at a ranch should be fascinating who you going with this guy Steve Rella he's gonna be on the podcast Friday oh cool does he is an expert on this stuff yeah he's a hunter he has a TV show called me eater uhhuh have to check it out yeah exciting stuff what's it on Discovery no meat eater is on like the Sportsman's Network I think they got so many [ __ ] networks do you know they have a military Network mhm yeah it's all just people keep shooting [ __ ] what was the in the Hitler Network
well that's history that's what they call that well H history is all like shitty reality shows I mean Moonshiners yeah but I mean on the History Channel they show Hitler more than anything do they really well every time I'm I I turn it on yeah history seems to be more like reality shows now than anything they're all given up yeah it's almost like you have to have reality shows on yeah try to put Nova on every night and [ __ ] science documentaries people just go click next whatever they want to watch some rednecks yeah what's that Duck Dynasty yeah have you seen Moonshiners is it good it's the dumbest one of all time oh yeah it's the most fake dumbest one of all time because cops are looking into the car like they're shooting this from the car the cops looking into the [ __ ] car there's a television camera and the cop doesn't bring it up the cop's like uh so where are you off to what's going on here he's looking into the car at the [ __ ] camera and he's not going what's the camera what's going on what are you doing that and no one says well we're here shooting a TV show that never comes up no one ever says we're shooting a TV show so these cops are lying everyone's lying they're all fakers they're just staring at the wonder if they do another take they probably do they're [ __ ] selling moonshine that's illegal if it was moonshine they would all be arrested there would be no show yeah I mean what they're saying is that they have these backyard Stills they make moonshine so I think now what they're trying to do is say that it's uh it's all fiction and that everything uh has been legal and nothing illegal and they're making it's only water in those Stills and it's all just you know but why do they even have moonshine when alcohol's legal because they want to make their own they don't want to have to put a tax stamp on it they want to be be able to make it super potent you should be able to make moonshine just like you should be able to make beer you can you can get absent now can't you I think you can get absent in certain um certain uh dosages we're in Ireland and Mitch ber said to me you know he goes goes D he says I've been sober all day I oh good for you Mitch I love Mitch and he goes yeah cuz I want to do absent tonight and
I want to see what it's like from zero to 100 so the only reason he was staying sober was to see how [ __ ] up he got on you know like furniture polish basically it's not furniture polish it's like alcohol absence is like alcoh have you ever had it yeah yeah I've had it a couple times it's weird is it too strong it's a weird feeling it's uh it's like a cousin of drunk it's like drunk's next door neighbor it's like you don't hallucinate you're all partying in the same party but there's a fence between them no there's no hallucination it's just like being drunk yeah it's just a weird drunk tastes weird it's like black licorice is yeah I'm not so sure I like it what you did you like a shot or like a real oh I had several yeah no kidding mhm yeah I had it a long time ago in Canada that was the first time I ever did it I never see you drunk yeah I'm pretty smart about that it's not a good thing to do no not driving that beautiful car you have well that I don't do definitely but getting drunk period in public yeah like a good idea tomera why should get drunk at your house some night you want to get drunk is that what you're saying I want to smoke pot I told you well let's do it what we should do smoke pot in a safe thing like we should get drunk on the podcast and you should smoke pot as well that'll be our next podcast sounds good well we got plan we do it right now you got two hours we don't even we don't even it's uh 130 and Doma is not a man who likes to do things impulsively he likes to plan things it looks to schedu I was talking about you last night about what a [ __ ] animal you are like and every you just so like we you can't just shoot pool with Joe for an hour it's got to be three hours everything he does I said I feel bad for his wife she's got to be tough I'm obsessive it's probably not healthy you got a lot of energy man it's uh I don't see where it hurts you you got a great career what the [ __ ] great life well yeah I mean I think um being obsessive though can definitely hurt if it gets out of control yeah it's just a matter of channeling like obsessive obsessive thinking or the the tendency to like follow things down to the ground chase them down till they're dead but you've changed Joe like I told you like you
know the thing about Michael Jordan where they go well he he'd even beat his mother in pingpong you know whatever he has to beat everybody and everything and I think well you know there comes a point where he's an [ __ ] you know mhm and I not that you were ever an [ __ ] cuz you never were but you were so mad at yourself when we used to shoot pool and stuff I missed yeah and you you've lightened up considerably well I realized somewhere along the way that that is uh that's a a very faulty way of thinking and that that's all it is yeah it's like being upset because you did something wrong doesn't make the doing something wrong better and and just like outwardly expressing it in fact is indulgent and the the really intelligent thing to do is to accept the fact that there's this shift in the way you feel cuz you're upset that something went wrong or whatever but you got to internalize that and that's part of being a man and being a a spoiled little boy or a a Brash young cocky boy you people like [ __ ] get mad throw things around when when they when they're upset you know if they miss a shot I mean I've seen guys in pool tournaments miss a shot and snap their stick on the ground well yeah I play with with this guy harlon Jameson he owns bananas and I don't know if you ever work that club and he pipy yeah pipsy done that one and he back would be shooting pool and he was a pretty good player and he would bang the [ __ ] stick on the table bang the stick and i' go Haron if you keep doing this I'm out of here this is like [ __ ] ridic I me and he did nothing against me but it's just such ridiculous Behavior it's not a man's behavior it's a child's Behavior I mean you never did that you would just get mad at yourself yeah well I would just uh I would be I I would know it was always a of concentration I mean there's shots that you miss where you know you just didn't hit it right but there's also shots you miss where you know it was a fairly makeable shot but you took it for granted and you're like [ __ ] idiot you know those are the angry ones it wasn't misses it was more of lapses of concentration that I was really upset at myself for but yeah that [ __ ] doesn't do you any good no wasteless energy yeah now I just internalize or I try very hard to just
internalize but that's um that's just a factor of getting older and smarter yeah you hope doesn't happen to everybody I know that's the saddest thing when you find dudes that you didn't talk to in a long time and they've regressed yeah they become more delusional or more complaining you know a lot of guys are complaining talk to him you haven't talked to him in a long time he talked to him and this this overwhelming complaint I know I hear that all the time I got a friend who does cruise ships you know and he doesn't like it he's got a family and he does other stuff too but he's always [ __ ] whining I says listen man you're making I said look you see this thing see this car you see this you all bought was all bought through jokes you know how [ __ ] hard some people work for nothing they can't get [ __ ] jobs I'm supposed to feel bad for you cuz you're going to Turkey you know that's a hard gig though oh I wouldn't want to do it the cruise ship myself you're right though it's definitely better than coal mining oh yeah a lot of people would be super happy to do it I love when people go you do the hardest thing in the world no I don't yeah what about the guy who discovered these what you just talking about the what were the the the mirror things the fractal practial yeah [ __ ] who the [ __ ] does that what kind of mind yeah super smart science dudes that no one wants a [ __ ] that's what's up yeah exactly they got they got more time in their hands once they start getting [ __ ] throw at them their [ __ ] science deteriorates drastically you know this is all like you have to have no chance at [ __ ] to be sitting in front of a computer banging this out cuz there's some girls out there that would just rob you of all ambition whenever I think of no uh no chance puss I always think of that bit you had you know the one that the new rules bit but I always think of the guy Smith bit was what was the guy's name who she married he was in his 90s J Howard Marshall J Howard Marshall yeah no chance of [ __ ] unless you're a trillionaire uh 1904 actually was when fractals were invented I was way off that's fascinating that's the the earliest modifications uhhuh yeah who the [ __ ] are those guys
we need those though I mean you think about like the things that we use on a daily basis like computers all the things we need I have no idea how any of that works not only do we not understand how it works but even if we did even if we knew exactly how the operating system works exactly how the memory is stored would you could never make that thing you could never build you can never invent it on your own I can't make anything yeah but I mean I'm not even you I mean any of us it's it's fascinating how much of our society relies on things that almost no no one understands I don't [ __ ] understand Plumbing I don't understand how you can get the same water pressure on the 10th floor as you have on the second floor it's crazy yeah it's Madness it's must be a river on on the roof yeah water pressure is weird uh you ever have um uh like a a root get into your pipes no you never had that happen uh-uh I had a root got into my pipes and grew a [ __ ] tree holy [ __ ] I mean when I tell you grew a tree this you right now yes oh my yes when I went to Colorado and I was gone for a while the uh when you flush the water the uh apparently like there was these little tiny cracks in the pipe uh from the toilet uh down to the street that's it see that thing right there that was uh inside my toilet growing it looks like a muskrat right it's that is that is a [ __ ] root oh my God that's the root of a tree so it got through and then because there was all that water in there it started growing like crazy and and searching it because that's what Roots do they they they grow down towards where the water is and suck it out that's how they get moisture out of the ground so it cracked my pipe open and grew inside of it that's real that's not made up that image I mean if you if you're listening to this it looks almost like an animal how do you find that what's the is it on uh flicker Joe Rogan root pipe put that in your Blend Tech right there just Google Joe Rogan root pipe yeah I wouldn't do that cuz filled with poop that that was fed by poop poop and Peep and water and that thing grew like a like a weed like a veritable Reed D yeah I don't understand it either I got a new thing recently um that it's instant hot water you know what they're
they're talk they're Tankless Water Systems so your water goes through this thing and it instantly turns hot it doesn't you don't have a tank of water just sitting around getting hot that would be good for my sits baths what's amazing is it like say if you're you never run out of hot water that's one thing Co like you know like you got in the house now yeah I just got it so like if someone's using this the water and like if you're you know you have a friend that takes a long shower well you go in after that person and you're [ __ ] you know you're going to have to take a mediocre ass shower because there's no hot water left with these things now they have it so the water can go through it and it's always hot people will be coming over to your house to take beds that's that's my plan my friend that's how you get them naked so is it in one place in the house or is it like on every single like faucet there's like a no no no it's in one place it's one one area where the water comes in and then it regulates it out from there oh it's ridiculous it's one of the weirdest things ever it's just like how do you wait what happens huh so the water in I mean it's hot as [ __ ] too it's not like it's kind of hot it's kind of hot no it's it's boiling hot all the time right out of the gate so it's weird I don't know how the [ __ ] they do regular plumbers put that in or is that like a specialty regular plumbers yeah it's it's something they put in now it's a normal thing and you know a lot of people especially where we live are going full solar because you can go full solar where you don't even have to be attached to the grid there's enough sunshine in Southern California we can just have these [ __ ] that's pretty cool it's crazy I had a guy come over last week my garbage disposal was down and uh he recognized me right and uh not only recognized me he also gave me coupons I'm thinking I guess he recognized me but doesn't think I'm doing too well and then he said I got to tell you it's a pleasure to meet you Mr O'Hara Ohara Ohara [ __ ] he get and my name is written on it Ira he just didn't look down well he's just not good at pronouncing things may irara Ira yeah same [ __ ] you could be a little black Irish I had a woman call me Mr Irene talk about lazy I I'll be up there in a second Mr Irene room
service she made a mistake don't get upset get upet I like it I just turned into [ __ ] Joe I turned into comedy gems but and do you ever oh come on what about you don't start with me and do you ever yeah I saw you at the ice house yeah [ __ ] Billy Crystal that's right we just said it [ __ ] Billy Crystal [ __ ] about throwing that in your memory bank and spurting it out an hour later Bob ke Bob Marley's the nicest guy in the world oh man Billy Crystal giving him the cold shoulder how dare you Billy I know period must had something he's a little smug I got to say that's unfortunate yeah he's had a beautiful career man he's [ __ ] smug yeah yeah yeah well you know it's [ __ ] it's a lot of pressure a lot of pressure in those guys a lot of times they crack [ __ ] them they start buying in their own P [ __ ] I think that's uh the guys who don't are the guys who keep doing standup because no matter what no matter how funny you are or how famous you are rather when you get on that stage you have to be funny they give you a couple minutes but you got to be funny Joe I haven't been on stage since Friday before last the longest in probably 20 years because of being sick yeah wow but isn't that true like that's how we do it like a lot of folks don't know like if you take a month off or two months off or something like that it feels really weird when you come back you can't be a wise guy crack why is cracking Italian comedian with a hacking cough doesn't work you know that's that's why I couldn't go on I mean I could have made it I've been on stage with fevers and torn muscles and [ __ ] but the the cough [ __ ] did me in I only had to cancel one gig ever wow um as far as like a weekend it was uh I think maybe maybe when I was younger I did but that I could remember like as a like a gig that I was supposed to fly out to I think I think I was supposed to do the stress Factory pretty sure that was what it was I Vinnie brand I got the fever had a flu Oh was bad it was one of those ones where it was like on Monday I canceled I was like there is no way this is death well at least you gave that yeah it was bad the [ __ ] flu that's going around right now is a [ __ ] dude I've I've talked to some people that got it that like we're fine and then 2 Days
Later they're in the hospital on IV really yeah holy [ __ ] they were showing in Houston that people were like I think they were up to like 50 people have died in from the flu I'm sure it's old people and babies but uh well you know if you [ __ ] up man that's the thing about like being sick or um not not not having a healthy body or healthy immune system like when you're not healthy all the time like he's pulling all nighter getting a couple hours sleep before you get to work you're working all day and drinking coffee and your immune system is [ __ ] getting chipped away if that is when it enters into your life like you can die like you can die if you if you're hung over and drawn out and [ __ ] up and then boom you get hit with the flu holy [ __ ] you can get jacked I had so many people like bum me out first they like act like they care and they go oh yeah you know I I said I think I'm getting better yeah he goes yeah a friend of mine had that you know L like 3 months I said thanks you know it's good thanks for cheering me up just tell him his friend's a [ __ ] that's what I'd say [ __ ] friend's a puss your friend's a [ __ ] I'm going to be back in two days to smack them three months the [ __ ] out of here kind of cold last three months what's oh it's not a coal anymore yeah it's an epidem Bron asthma that's what you have now do you have asthma I got something that's this thing is it's discus I got to inhale it you know what's good for asthma [ __ ] sanker [ __ ] that too the one my friend the mar one see I wish I could smoke right now but I just don't know what would happen I got to drive fre out Panic yeah yeah you go into a tail spin we' have to be pull you out of the corner are you allowed to do that with Xanax though how does that work if you're taking Xanax I don't know cuz I never I mean Xanax is a tranquilizer oh you might you might stop breathing you know what Xanax feels like Xanax feels like what you would think normal people feel like nor it's not a high it's just I mean I never take it enough to get high but it's just like a relaxing You Know M just do some indicas what's that Inda is the downer or the weed like you know there's an upper weed and Downer I'm sorry there was a article that said that that's [ __ ] I thought
that was really interesting always pretty established really yeah was some article that said that uh I don't know whether they're saying that the people that are selling it are full of [ __ ] but they were saying that you the the two different Highs are indistinguishable and I was like man I don't know about all that sounds like a [ __ ] article well it seems like you're not getting high enough to really you you'd have to do it and get a it's like somal can tell the difference between uh and cabet like right off the bat they can just tell I can't tell I don't know what the [ __ ] the difference is I I had no idea there was a pot that was a downer well that's what most people think of as for pot they think of OG Kush they think of like weed that just makes you chill dog it really just makes you just really not give a [ __ ] just kick back and just your eyelids get heavy and then this part for me at least that makes me like really think about [ __ ] and really get introspective and break down my life and life itself and the city and universes and [ __ ] like that that's that to me whatever it is whether it's uh the different cannabinoids or the different strain or whatever the [ __ ] it is there's a different response I have to two different kinds of weed absolutely but I don't know I don't me maybe uh maybe I'm wrong about it maybe I'm wrong about the uh the way the the mechanism is working I just know when I get good stuff well what [ __ ] me up was I had no idea that it took a while to hit you Xanax no pot so when I first smoked this is why I had such a bad experience I just kept smoking joint after joint like you know in a half an hour I smoked like I don't know three or four joints it's just like you know and these guys are going holy [ __ ] look at him and I'm thinking and I did this with Southern Comfort once and I almost died from alcohol poisoning because I just cuz like I just like you know it's like getting the crowd behind like where were you the pot yeah I was at the University of Pennsylvania we had an apartment down there in Philly and just with a bunch of guys [ __ ] around whose pot was it I don't know it wasn't mine I you know so somebody else brought the pot and then you just started smoking up a storm well I had never smoked and and I just kept smoking
and this was like really like a lot of smoke I don't know like and that's why I think I got so [ __ ] up of course it is everything like the rec I I was this is when their albums out and I remember watching the record revolve and just getting lost in that you know what was the song that was playing it was um Tomorrow Never Knows it was a a Beatles song turn off your mind relax and float down stream you know that song mhm yeah it is not dying whatever and and that was real psychedelic kind of song anyway I was like oh [ __ ] I thought my my head felt smaller you know just everything was weird W that's why I had a bad experience that's why I want to try it again so did you get paranoid yeah very very paranoid and what like do you remember specifically what you thought about just every the whole world looked different to me and see the only time I was ever I I had gotten [ __ ] up on cough medicine in high school did you ever do that I did cough medicine when I was an adult I took Nyquil once when I was sick and it was one of the happiest days of my life really no this was like I drank a whole bottle of romal RCF Jes [ __ ] I swear to I mean I that was and I think that's why up any kind of upper drugs have negative effects on me CU of the that and then I did the pot and so that's why I never did them I never was against drugs well that seems like a very likely scenario if you smoked that much pot the first time you did it that is you're going to freak the [ __ ] out that's that's nobody told me you know nobody told me they were going wow look at him and I was like oh yeah look one hit yeah that's all you need just one just see that's not even a big one not even a big one just a tiny one just to to really feel what does you want a tiny amount of it right that way you distinguish it from regular Consciousness you [ __ ] around with it get a feel for it see the the the good and the bad about it and occasionally you're going to push it occasionally you're going to get too smoke you're going to smoke two hits and three hits then you're going to feel weird as [ __ ] and you're GNA go you know me better back this down so we back this down take it down to one again bring it down to one and just try one for a while but when people start smoking a whole joint or two joint you're that's like you've
never ridden a motorcycle before and you get on one of those ninjas you know just go ahead gun it you know what you can't do it but those guys who do it every day can do it yeah it's a similar thing in a way because it's the experience of being really really high is manageable say if you're a guy like Everlast you know if you get high all the time and you're just a naturally cool dude that can deal with [ __ ] but if you're a guy who's never gotten high before like that can [ __ ] be terrify terrible Terri terrifying it was it was terrifying what were you thinking about when you said the world just didn't look the same uh just the proportions of things look different you know like as if I was as if my eyes were different lenses they they changed you know for a while and you know I would just get a thought in my head like even in the song we keep playing in my head when it was over you know wow it was pretty heavy I mean I guess it was close to a trip you know wow yeah that sounds like what I go through every night sounds typical day I went through that in the tank last night you went to what I went through that in the tank did you do the tank yeah yeah Jo you're unbelievable you you're so F you got so many [ __ ] varied interests and all I watched Sports Center last night that's what I did but that's you we're all different D marera I'm just trying to maintain and not go off the rails into crazy town so what do I do I hunt boes and I lie in saltwater I I throw kettle bells around just trying to keep it together you got a fight this week no this week is new UFC this week I I said I'm going B hunting the next UFC is not until the week after that Chicago on Fox thanks again for the Montreal treat did you enjoy it more than enjoyed it Tammy pascatelli and I would a [ __ ] I mean that guy like the excitement I could just imagine like like the Gladiators the Roman Empire like the excitement in that room when that French Canadian guy walked in ster yeah oh my God and then the fight itself and it was it was great yeah those Live Events are this there're something special like seeing seeing the UFC Live is there's very few things that have as much electricity in the air as much potential drama and while the fights are
going on they're so exciting it's so exciting and I you know you you invited me to a couple of them and I was so amazed at how classy the crowd is it ain't like professional wrestling crowd skate on his face you know twist his other eye I mean they're like really nice people they look wild but they're not well I I always hoped that um it would go closer and closer towards the ethics of martial arts because I think that if you looked at the best guys ever the best UFC fighters are martial artists from hoist Gracie the original you know to look at like Leota Macha or Anderson Silva or George St Pierre silver broke his leg Anderson broke his leg Yeah the last fight these guys are marshal artists like the Anderson bows before every match leoto Mach bows George bows like they are they're literally upholding the original codes of martial arts conduct I mean they they are martial artists and those are the best guys it's not these brawler [ __ ] you spit in your face kicking the balls guys those guys are not the the the Champions the Champions adhere to this sort of philosophy and principle of of Excellence right that I think you you kind of have to have and the the people that that are attracted to that there's going to be a bunch of Knuckleheads in the audience I mean it's unavoidable you get 18,000 people you're going to get a few dozen crazy people for sure there's no way around you get that in any game baseball you know but overall I think that what the fighters project that they project a level of respect and a level of uh discipline and dignity that uh the audience they I think they take that in I think they appreciate it whereas when you're watching the WWE you know that it's scripted it's it's a wild Crazy Event and it's fun and it's entertaining and there's acrobatics and you know those guys like the rock is a serious athlete so Brock Lesnar he's a serious athlete Brock Lesnar was pretty successful in the UFC for a guy that didn't have any MMA fights to speak of other than one before he entered into the biggest stage on Earth as a fighter wow I mean he's a ballsy [ __ ] yeah you know so no disrespect to the wrestlers or anything like that but one of the reasons why the audience will act like that is cu they they could feel that it's not real it's all horseshit
they just they're they're like trying to suck excitement out of out of the air but don't you think there's certain people that's that believe it's real no matter what you tell them 100% yeah I talked to uh a guy from Abu Dhabi who was uh telling me that his friend absolutely believes that it's real and he cannot argue with him that it's not he so frustrated he didn't know what to say my doctor thinks all professional football is rigged really I go how the [ __ ] can they get to all these guys hilarious he says I'm listen he goes you're going to tell me that you know Brady couldn't threw a pass I go I don't know but how do they get to the center how do they get you know it's like it come comes a point where it's just paranoia some people don't like the wool pulled out over them you know pull over their eyes so they uh they like to look for it and everything oh these [ __ ] are all in together yeah right after UFC's all the time I'll get tweets like yeah you know it's a [ __ ] fixed fight yeah that was a [ __ ] fight that fight's fixed and you know it well fights can be fixed I mean certainly fights can be fixed basketball games with refs or a guy who misses foul shots at the end you but when you get to a whole [ __ ] football team it's 22 guys plus reps you know come on well the thing about basketball is you uh I mean they have absolutely proven that referees have been involved oh yeah they've they've they've proven that they've shaved points they' proven that people have done some sh there there's a guy who just got out of jail for that yeah the referee right yeah and I had a friend who um who was a ref they did this I thought it was so classless they would get first class tickets and and sell them back get CH cash him in and get coach tickets and and pocket the money that's that's kind of [ __ ] low life you know that's kind of sleazy yeah that's you know it's not living your life either what are you doing yeah just sit in first class [ __ ] it you know you didn't have the the ticket before but I think you should be allowed to do it I don't see a problem with it I feel like uh if you're the one who uh wants to sit and coach and you want you would rather have the money I feel like you should be able to do that I just think it's a lack of class though it's a little sleazy but
no you know what I take that back I don't really even think it's a a little sleazy it's like some people like to be with you Jo how dare you Ira they uh some people don't mind coach what if he's a little tiny guy and gets a window seat and he just kind of curl up I mind coach you do you do oh I don't see so for you it drives you crazy my feet can't go back there anymore can't do it it's the only thing about I I just don't give a [ __ ] I always fly for I paid more for my ticket to Australia than I made I did I did I I work two weeks I made less money I just didn't give a [ __ ] I wanted to fly first class that's hilarious that's hilarious that is a total damera move oh my agent gets such a kick out of it oh that's so funny well that's but again I hate to say this but that really is why you're so funny still it's like there's a you know we were just talking about it the other day me and tripy we're talking about how uh a lot of comics that we liked back when we started you know they kind of sort of drift away from it you know like even the greats like look at Steve Martin he doesn't do standup anymore he stopped a long time ago you know Robin Williams like will occasionally do stand up you know but you think about the the people that you uh really admired back then there's not that many of them that are like really active still yeah but the ones that are like a lot of times they change radically like their acts change they they kind of drift away from whatever it was that made them good they just sort of get this weird set of complacency or something like that I don't know what happen and also you they they run out of juice you know and run I mean to me I consider myself the oldest young comedian you know what I mean I really don't feel old I feel young and I feel and I'm lucky that I hang out with guys a lot younger than me I I'm I I absorb that energy you know what I mean right you know you included I mean it's just that I I love being around that because I I find that not to put my generation down but a lot of them are [ __ ] bitter and bitterness goes nowhere yeah exactly it's just like like the unnecessary anger yelling out and smacking your stick on the ground internalize it figure out what is it that makes you bitter you're unhappy
with your success we do something about it you know I mean barring your your physical health and unforeseen circumstances that can't be controlled most people have a little leeway room to for improvement and the bitterness is not [ __ ] helping you just this [ __ ] guy you tell me this guy deserves a sitcom I tell you this guy I middled for him in Cincinnati he could not follow me yeah remember p ER the comedian he he he was thinking you know I like the guy but he's you know he's really angry he's telling me he's trying he's thinking I'm too stupid to realize what he's doing he's going he [ __ ] kids today these [ __ ] they got five minutes they got a sitcom I've been around 40 years but you're a good kid I you know he throw like that like that's supposed to keep Peak my interest and I don't have a [ __ ] sitc go well maybe that should tell you something you maybe you're not right that guy was an interesting guy is he still around yeah I mean he can't hear anymore so it's kind kind of tough oh that sucks he used to go on Stern and rant and Rave go [ __ ] crazy and yell at people and just like oh my God like listen to them get wound up but there's there's an element of sadness in it you know yeah it's an element of uh Burns a lot of bridges some those guys he got mad at The Sopranos you know what the [ __ ] what did he get mad at The Sopranos for I don't know they didn't give him big enough parts or some [ __ ] they didn't get you know whatever it was it's like you know I mean I love that write of passage for Italians that that we were all supposed to be in The Sopranos what the [ __ ] they only got they got a cast of like 20 people there's a lot more Italians you know well I think there was a lot of people in that show that also had not really done a lot of acting before like Stevie VanZant little Steven from the Bruce Spring and and Sh our friends I mean our buddy but what what it was Joe was they were they they had a core of real actors and they had types right and some of the types like Steve developed into real good actors you know but I mean that's what the show was it was the core of Edie Falco and cafini and Michael Imperioli those guys and then then they that's the way they cast it yeah but I think what the appeal was one
of the appeals was that these people that were in these peripheral roles that really shined and benefited from a greatly like our friend Steve Shara Steve was not like an experienced actor he was booking the Riviera when we met him he was a great guy I [ __ ] love that guy but he went from doing that to being a really successful actor boom like that but a hard worker too he capitalized on it and he you know well he's smart Steve is a very smart guy so but my point is that other people saw that and go look this [ __ ] guy he was over here he wasn't even [ __ ] doing this could been me if I was in b m Tomy I could do such a much better detailed job with that role forget so much in that role I was I sound like a little bit of Quincy [ __ ] half Italian and I was half Quincy you left your fingerprints now you sounded like dice oh I'm morphing I'm a bunch of [ __ ] characters over the top oh speaking of dice I saw blue jasmine did you see Blue Jasmine the new Woody Allen film Woody Allen fascinates me man he's he's [ __ ] fascinating he's the reason I got into standup really yeah when I was a little kid um he's he makes a new movie like basically every year you know and they're he writes them all himself and they're [ __ ] good this blue Jas was a good movie um I he's one of the guys I mean I think he's a creeper for sure I mean that whole thing with his daughter was just I don't I don't want to judge I'm trying to be a nice guy but I don't think he looked at her as a daughter I I don't know what happened whatever whatever I have no idea you know what like you got to got to admire him for she's not even hot so you can't you can't say he left his wife for a hot young chick she's [ __ ] homelier than his wife oh I guess but she's young it's different um anyway you're telling me yeah what was I saying W so his movie so I saw this is how I got a my Woody Allen Resurgence I saw Midnight in Paris did you see that one yeah it's [ __ ] good it's a good movie so interesting yeah you know what you got to see though some of the old Love and Death check it out because the [ __ ] jokes are hilarious well I I think I have seen it I think I saw Russian about the French Revol the Russian French War I don't remember what it was about I saw it a long time ago I saw a sleeper I saw um Annie Hall yeah
I've seen a lot of his old orgasmatron in in Love and Death Napoleon says to Diane Keaton he goes how do you think of me as a man she goes I think it's your best bet these kind of jokes oh what a great line oh line after line another one your best bet your best bet is being a man she goes uh you have beautiful skin she goes yes and it covers my entire body well uh Midnight in Paris was really good and what's interesting about it is that Owen Wilson plays Woody Allen oh wow Woody Allen can't play Woody Allen anymore yeah yeah he used to get the Owen Wilson is acting like Woody Allen doing uh well he's not going new yorky he's not going all the way Brooklyn but he's basically that guy this sort of nebbishy like he's his wife is [ __ ] around on him it's always in in Woody Allen's movies someone always is having a fair right under somebody's nose and it's chaos and you find out well you you were [ __ ] this guy right in the other room I mean get over it it's not that big a deal like the way that people behave is almost like as if he wishes that that would be how people would behave at all sexual indiscretions it's almost like he's flavoring the world with the this dialogue get him off the hook what's it yeah because it's a very unnatural like the the anger and reaction these people have it's like everything is real except when it comes to like real dealing with loss or infidelity like then it becomes like well get over it I was right there you you had to know I didn't know you know okay Harry I was cheating you know it's like one of those things and the guy's like I can't believe this and he leaves but it's so unrealistic it's like everybody's like whatever get over it but in Blue Jasmine is another one the the the Alec Baldwin character I don't want to give a spoiler alert but the reason why I brought it up is Dice is really good in it he's really good he plays this I heard it was good but I heard it was really short I like him that's the reason why he didn't probably get any awards because it was probably too short his thing was short the movie was too short no no no his Ro his role like like he should have had a bigger part in it no no I think it was perfect I mean it was a complex sort
of a role it was it was believable there was a lot of there was a lot of good acting in that goddamn movie Kate Blanchett the one woman who's the lead is [ __ ] Sensational you know Shawn pen yes yeah he said to me one night we at The Improv and he's got a great memory for comedy he sent he he remembered an all bit and he starts telling me about it and I go all right if we're going to talk about comedy you got to tell me what it was like to work with Woody Allen he said I'm glad you asked me that he gave me one note the whole film I said what was it he goes that last scene you did uh nothing was right that was the that's the only [ __ ] note he had only direct nothing nothing in that scene was right wow yeah well he's a master filmmaker he's just a weird guy he's a he's a genius Master filmmaker this Blue Jasmine movie is [ __ ] really good i' have to say he's the best writer and and then Larry David for comedy in my in my opinion you know you mean like joke writing or TV comedy writing just comedy movie Larry obviously has not made the graduation to to film like what he what he did he shouldn't his stuff is so good and Curve Your Enthusiasm just don't [ __ ] with it leave it right there let him do whatever the [ __ ] he's doing let him make that exactly how he's making it don't touch it leave it alone I watch the Seinfield saw last night that with the man's ear the bra for men remember that one the bro and I I had a prostate exam and I when I when I was going to pee next it was going to be blood right right it was really [ __ ] like I was it was really like [ __ ] horrible I was like lightheaded and [ __ ] and Jerry was on the phone telling me about the F about this episode before it happened and we were [ __ ] crying laughing just the idea Jerry Stiller tits man made us laugh for [ __ ] 5 minutes what is it I'm confused what has to do to you peeing blood oh because I didn't I I didn't want to laugh you know what I'm saying I didn't explain it right I didn't want to laugh I come back from the hospital I'm in this bad bad mood I'm [ __ ] lightheaded all pale and [ __ ] and we start talking and he starts telling me about this [ __ ] anyway I just reminded me of it because I saw the episode last night and it's so [ __ ] brilliant you know the way he he like
like say Everybody Loves Raymond which was like a really standard like good quality sitcom they had an a-plot basically maybe a b plot Seinfeld at ABCD you know what I mean just ridiculous like CR Kramer hits a golf ball and it goes into the whales the blo hole and you know like you know what I mean like everything is connected and how he did it was fascinating 22 minutes and clean yeah no Larry David's a genius yeah but his best work is Kirby enthusiasm in my opinion Seinfeld's really good but Kirby enthusiasm takes it too the one where he had the water bottle in his pants and I I don't want to tell the the whole story the hooker and I can't even tell you the stories that well you know that came out of Larry spoil them that came out of Larry not getting enough credit for Seinfeld I really believe that because everybody would get credit George got credit for playing him and you know Jason Alexander is a terrific actor but he was so much in the background he thought [ __ ] this I'm doing the show and he had the power to do it you know he put up his own money for that Jason Alexander's a weird one because nothing's really clicked for him since doing that show he was so [ __ ] good too he was so good on that show yeah and now he's taken to to wearing a hairpiece I know and you know I saw the one last night where where he wore a hair piece on the show as a joke as a joke but now he's wearing one in real life that's sad it's like I don't know what unless you're going to do it like Carl Riner did where you just take it off sometime and wear it like it's a hat which I think is funny is you're not trying to fool anybody well he's not trying to fool anybody he can't because everybody knows that he was already bald and I think he just likes the way it looks better which good for him but why are you worrying so much about what you look like it's a little weird I say just wear a hat don't wear anything it's not like it affects his performance in some way like if growing your hair made you smarter somehow like imagine if like hair was like muscles like the bigger your muscles get the stronger you get the longer your hair gets the smarter you get well I could get wanting to have more hair yeah and if you could wear a to pay that would make you smart imagine
if people were that were that simple that you just had the fiber optic to pay and you put on it would mimic the effects of having a full head of hair as far as your intelligence goes or it grow it even further well you when you remember what goes on with the ego these guys you know and J Jason was I remember being on that set and he was upset cuz he never wanted an Emmy oh God and he won Grammy Awards dude I was on the set of news radio once and everybody was complaining it was so dark it was like everybody was bummed out because our ratings were down and it was you know was like God we can't get on Thursday night but this show goes on right before friends or right after friends and blah blah blah blah blah and I remember thinking like we're on a sitcom oh yeah yeah you know how lucky you you are to be on a sitcom and it's a really funny one and we're not appreciating it as it's happening like right as it's going on we're wishing we were number one right instead of whatever the [ __ ] we were we weren't doing well like news radio never did well it didn't do really well until it was syndicated they didn't know how to use you at all news radio did oh I got some great Parts on news radio I think they I think you they could have used you more oh I that's very nice to you but that's just because you love me I think they use me the perfect amount and when you consider the fact that we had so characters Andy Dick Vicky Lewis Steven rude Candy Alexander Phil Hartman Dave Foley Mora Tian I mean holy [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah that's a lot right there was an eight person cast a lot of [ __ ] people a 22-minute show and you're bouncing everything back and forth and you got two well three monsters on the cast you got Phil Hartman who's a monster Dave Foley a monster and Andy Dick was a Monster yeah so those were like their go-to guys for like carrying scenes and big moments and you know I would come in with something wacky on occasion I would have some wacky thing that I would do I thought they were great about divvying it up the one who got the slight in my opinion is Candy Alexander the black check that was on the show uhuh she's a badass actress man that girl is a powerful strong actress and I just don't think they ever really totally got her you I don't think she
had enough roles where it was like but you know bunch of white dudes from Harvard right for this sexy black the baseball show you did right before that hard ball piece of [ __ ] yeah but that was cool you got it right away I got lucky that's for sure the two things that were the the luckiest that I ever got was uh getting hard ball and from getting hard ball getting news radio you know the Fear Factor thing was uh more of a response to not wanting to be in the acting world anymore you know when I took Fear Factor for the money a but also B because I knew it wasn't I didn't I wouldn't have to deal with actors I wasn't going to have to deal with scripts and the creative aspect of bad comedy cuz you go from a show like news radio which is a really good show try finding another really good show Good Luck oh I know I I've been on them and I read for some they were just it was painful they were bad just clumsy and clunky Joe I got fired from a show that was written for me I couldn't play and the guy it was so and you know I was so happy when it went down in flames because it was so bad they hired like this real actor this guy Dan hidea and he couldn't make it work and Dan hidea why do I know that name was the father in clueless he was Sheriff's father in Clueless oh wow but uh would you do another sitcom yeah definitely if Paul Sims was going to do another sitcom the guy who made news radio was going to do I almost did another one of his I'd love to work with you man I did a pilot of a show called um overseas it was a pilot I played like some guy that was in some other country for some strange reason I got stuck over there and so yeah but um he's just a brilliant guy just such an out of the box guy I know there's other out of the box guys out there you know think the guy who uh what's his name Dan horon the guy who makes Community like everybody's saying the community is just like a hundred times better this season now that he's back that he's back and chevry Chase is gone yeah you chevry chase yeah that was the other thing um he's a happy good lucky guy huh yeah he doesn't seem so huh what's the guy's name um the the soup uh Joel Mel sorry great guy too by the way I I feel like a dick for not remembering your name but I blame the weed uh Joel MCA was on OPI and Anthony and he was talking about
Chevy Chase that he just really didn't want to be there how do you get insulted at your own roast you got insulted they roast it's a roast yeah they're going to say things that it's supposed to hurt your feeling exactly that's why you don't get a roast do you organize your own do I like them I liked them when I did them you I did them in the um with those like the real old guy I was like the young kid and it was Milton barl and all those guys in the 80s and I like them cuz they were like the real Originators of the roast now how how much can you talk about how big clor leachman's [ __ ] is you know what I mean it's like how far how often does that come up is that like a big part of roasts yeah and now for the mandatory how big is Cloris leechman actually it came up about [ __ ] 20 times when I when I went to see um uh Pamela Anderson roasted I think it was or no maybe it was her or Saget I forget I always get those two mixed up and uh they just relentlessly did the same [ __ ] joke you could drive a car into Pamela Anderson's [ __ ] and this is that you know I was like ohly [ __ ] that's so not true I've seen that video Tommy Lee video it's not yeah you could a tiny little thing how big at all kind of cars are you driving I can't jerk off to a video like that no not like a dick too big well no just a married couple that I I don't want to a that's so sweet I want to see people that are you know like out of this world mhm not real real people like our prostitute friend I haven't went a prostitute in a while how long a couple days about uh what time is it no I I took blood pressure medication about two years ago and it made me like we were saying made me less Italian and more Irish do you think that you would ever U be into doing something to radically change your health like if someone if you took on like someone who told you what to eat get worked you out every day put you through the paces and got your body into a better shape better condition and actually got you could I get in better shape Jo it's almost impossible I mean you're at the topm feel like we're going to like we could we could up you could fine-tune it fine tune it a little bit a little bit now where I am I'm I'm totally [ __ ] pleased with I love having a
gut because I got something to rest my hands on when I'm thinking you have my favorite you have my favorite line ever when it comes to uh being gay and being in the closet what you go I wish I was in the closet just so I could come out That's how little I give a [ __ ] that was just a line for the show I never did that on stage he said I wish I was gay just so I could come out of the closet something exciting look at Todd Glass he got more press on that [ __ ] Ellen made her career well I'll tell you what when Todd Glass came on the podcast he really I that is the first time I had talked to him in person since uh he came out I guess you're supposed to say he seemed so relieved yeah and he was so relieved that he could come on the show and we got barbecued he was so relieved that we could all do that together and being giggly and silly and he wouldn't have to worry about feeling like he's being attacked or that he was hiding something that's a big thing for those guys man yeah or for those girls or anybody who's hiding something like that you know no one should care man no one should care you should be able to tell people that you're into dressing like a girl you should be able to tell people that you like the [ __ ] guys you should be able to tell people whatever the [ __ ] it is itn't make uger [ __ ] girl than you or I you me I would be I would be the my [ __ ] jaw you would be a little bit uglier than me as a yeah a little bit you a little bit more confusing you would be a little bit hotter chick than me that's what I like to think of a but uh if I was going to go to a a a a girl to get a hand job I might go to you oh soft I would think yeah soft hands you got the lips J there's a lot of like there's I'm not blowing anybody though that's where I draw the line even if I was a g condom but if I think blowing someone with a condom is just like [ __ ] shaking their hand through a window you know come on what's going on there you know you know you put your hand on the glass you're not really shaking hands you know someone's just going up and down on your dick when there's a condom on it like what is that so strange weird barrier between you and pleasure and we need that because people have diseases and their mouths and their dicks we're gross people are gross or
[ __ ] gross diseases there was this hooker she's a porn I love the porn star [ __ ] Theory like everybody take you know you they never say they say just he's a working actor they don't say he's he's a star he's not a star and then anyway she came up to she came up to me at The Comedy Store gave me a hug she goes then she Facebooked me but my ex-wife does my Facebook book right and she wrote I don't did I tell you this yeah you did tell me okay so the girl uh she she came after me she said she would when she wanted to exchange sexual favors for uh comedy wisdom and my wife said you she she goes who is my ex-wife she goes who is this [ __ ] nut I just ripped it up and threw it out no she go she goes she's sounding like a [ __ ] I go but that's the good thing right doesn't know you very well no anyway she did get in touch with me and but you know what she was so [ __ ] annoying about comedy it turned me off really yeah because she wanted way more comedy than I wanted anything from her well when someone and then I saw in a lesbian video when someone wants to learn how to do comedy there you know there's a few things you could tell them but there's very few the real thing that they need to do is go on stage Go on stage a lot and and chop it down yourself minimize the amount of words you use maximize the impact of those words figure those things out and fig find out what it is is that's funny and unique about you listen to yourself there's a few things you can tell someone when they want to go over individual bits with you they basically want you to write their act and that happens to a lot of boyfriends I mean that's a it's a it's a joke that I've heard used on several different comedians that are female that wind up dating men that are also Comedians and the men start writing their acts I mean we know guys who have done it it it happens all the [ __ ] time and you know that's not as fun that's that's that's weird that's a weird G but it's see but then there cases like Tom sigura and Christina pizitz where I'm sure they go over bits with each other but they go over bits as peers you know what I'm saying like Tom's not rewriting her act she's not rewriting Tom's act they're both hilarious yes but that's ideal you know like that's why I love when something like that happens because
people always like to use that uh that thing like that standby cliche that two comedians can never be husband and wife and and be happy two people that are you know in the same position the same sort of occupation they would just wind up fighting each other Tom and Christina get along great and they're both [ __ ] great they're both really funny people they're like you see them together they're laughing together and they're always laughing with each other and like they enjoy each other's company and they're both really good it's so rare when you see something like that it's so awesome I think that's the aberration I don't think it's normal but it's possible it's it's possible it's totally possible that's what I like I like that it's possible that ruined my marriage yeah the competition yeah because like like I was getting hired for Saturday Night Live Like 1980 and I got like three episodes it's a long story it's not even worth it sound like Brian call right now oh do I really no big deal I was just like the greatest comedian of all time no no I didn't mean it like that I just meant the story was too I meant the story was actually too long but anyway she would come I'm not on the [ __ ] show and I'd come home she goes did you mention me to them I go I'm not I said mention you I don't even have a [ __ ] voice I don't even have an agent you know so that was that really kind of ruined a lot of things yeah that's rough oh did you mention me I had a friend who uh got apart and his girlfriend started crying immediately and it's like when is something going to happen for me oh no it was it was so it was so uncomfortable to be around yeah that's it was she was doing it like in front of me and I was like okay uh she was crying in front of you oh yeah yeah he he he goes guess what I got the part holy [ __ ] and she starts crying like when is something going to happen to me I think for some people they're just not cut out for the pressure of of like trying to audition and go after things like one of the things that people point out is how crazy actresses are and actors are but I think one of the reasons why they're so crazy is not just that they came here crazy but that the process itself is so terrifying and mind-numbing and obsessive because it's so difficult to get cast in something so difficult when
you're competing against thousands of other people on a daily basis for a limited amount of roles and every and you're you know you're barely getting by then you finally do get something I think all those years and years years of rejection and I think it could really [ __ ] with people's heads man oh yeah it's really bad especially they're already a little bit insecure they're already a little bit nutty they're maybe possibly a little bit depressed maybe a little bit chemical you know yeah I just never thought like anybody else success diminished me like I didn't think because Eddie Murphy got 48 hours that if he didn't get it I was going to get it right you know I just never thought like that no you never did you never had and you've never had like this uh this weird resentment that a lot of people have towards uh people that they have no relation to you know look at [ __ ] this guy you know Dam way Dam way thinks he [ __ ] Damon way ain't got [ __ ] that's Dam you know why what do you care about Damon way is he in any way affecting your path I mean look at your career you you have the you have such I mean and such a unique is is redundant but I mean you like I could never [ __ ] announc this the fights like you do you you're an expert on that [ __ ] well there's no compettition your standup in mind are so different hopefully the only end result is they're both funny but we're both very lucky you know we're both very lucky that we figured out our our our path in life you know I just I'm I'm in a weird spot where I'm extremely lucky because I like to do a lot of things yeah and I get lucky that there's a a job for those things like if the UFC didn't exist I would watch the exact I mean if the job rather me being the commentator didn't exist if they just we just watched fights live and no one ever talked about it I would still be doing the same thing I'd be doing the exact almost I mean I would I would certainly wouldn't be breaking it down for a broadcast but I'd be watching every single one of them right I'd watch everything I'd watch them live if I could I did before I even worked there I just got super lucky you can hear how happy you are doing that you can hear it in your voice you love it yeah I do enjoy it it's fun but I'm I'm just lucky I'm lucky there's a lot
of cool [ __ ] to do in the world you know martial arts is just one of many cool things I mean I could probably learn new things forever and ever and always be excited like skateboarding seems like it'd be fun I just started learning how to ski skiing is fun it's exciting I mean I bet it would be really fun to learn how to play an instrument you know if I had more time I'd probably pursue that I started doing archery recently I got these targets I set them up in my backyard I bought a bow Tech experience 60 lb pull compound Bowl oh dude it shoots things like a laser beam it's amazing come on over please hide come on over let's have a bow party please hide those from the kids they can't touch it and they can never pull it back in the first place locked up and the the bow is so incredibly difficult to pull back 60 lbs like a grown man like yourself not like me of course wow I could just pull that [ __ ] back is that for real the really strong guys actually use a 70 lb bow bow guy in here yesterday was probably 20 PBS lighter than me he actually uses a 70 lb bow so he's uses a bow that's 10 PBS stronger than mine but I'm just learning how to do it now I'm not really concerned with it being like the fastest bow in the world I just enjoy hitting targets I have these um rubber um squares like set up at different parts of my yard and I get up on this little platform in my yard I get the dogs out of the yard and I I shoot arrows it's fun man it's really exciting it's like when you hit a Target that you want to hit like whatever reason you know your your your body goes oo yeah excit it's more exciting than shooting a basketball into a net like basketball into a net has always been exciting like playing a horse like three points whoa but but a [ __ ] 50 yard Bullseye with an arrow there's something like it goes to your DNA it's some Robin Hood [ __ ] that's left over throw's some watermelons in the backyard that sounds fun too yeah but watermelons are food I don't want to waste food I I feel guilty can't be wasted food but I'll [ __ ] up a squirrel that I catch slipping I'll eat a squirrel that I catch from my backyard what do you think about that that Rhino that that's in the news right now [ __ ] up [ __ ] up [ __ ] up crazy ridiculous doesn't make any sense makes me sick I
don't like the idea if you don't know the story there's a black rhino they audition they auctioned off uh right to hunt this black rhino and the the winning bidder paid $350,000 to kill this uh endangered animal oh that's [ __ ] up and because of that a million dollars is going to go to the preservation of the black rhino I think that's ridiculous I think that guy's an [ __ ] I don't care if that money goes to the preservation what this guy should do if he's really concerned this guy this Hunter is go hunt with a camera God damn it go get a really good closeup photograph of this thing and know that you could have killed it know you could have killed it you don't have to kill and then while you're there go shoot some [ __ ] that you can kill you're in Africa go shoot some Wild Buck go shoot some uh warthogs go shoot some things that the locals will eat yeah you know and then it actually benefits the people there if you go to Africa like I I saw Matt Hughes who's a former UFC champion one of the greatest uh mixed martial arts fighters ever he's also a big hunter and he went to Africa with his son and he took all these photos of them uh shooting these animals and people just were all up his ass they were just [ __ ] all over him and telling you know he's an [ __ ] and he's not even eating that food these are Trophy Hunters he shot so many animals what they don't realize is when you go there and you do something like that they take the money that you use to to pay for your trip and that money goes to preserve these animals then the meat from hunting that animal goes to feed these local villagers like they get very happy like they're excited get all this lean they don't have guns and so they get all this lean protein free from these hunters and they get it every day cuz every day they're bringing in new hunters and every day they're harvesting new animals like people don't like it because they feel like it should be a direct relationship you should shoot a deer then you eat the deer or give some of the meat out to your friends or something like that which I kind of agree with I don't want to be the guy that's like going somewhere to kill animals for a bunch of different people but if you did that's actually a very selfless thing to do I mean he's
enjoying the hunting aspect of it but he's also donating all these all this meat to to to poor people but nobody wants to see it that way everybody has this black or white thing when it comes to animals either you love animals and respect them and you don't shoot them or you hate animals and you're a [ __ ] evil person even if you both have the same diet I mean the idea that someone would want to kill that thing when we know there's only like a few thousand of them left that's [ __ ] crazy you know they I I hope somebody steps in and I hope I mean really that's something that the President should talk about the President should have a [ __ ] joint conference where he talks about SeaWorld and killing Black Rhinos and be just say what what would we do if someone came here from look at they saw off The Horn oh my God that's [ __ ] man you know why right yeah because Chinese dudes think that it makes your dick hard owner pills they haven't figured out Viagra yet I guess you no no way Rhino horn is as good as Viagra by the way you know what Rhino horn is it's hair you're eating hair yeah that horn is hair it's thickly knotted hair that that grows into a point yeah it's not like an antler like this deer antler here this antler falls off every year and you find them on the ground they're called sheds and they grow every year and then you know they they butt heads with those things on that's how they used to spar well that's not the case with a rhino with a rhino it's actually hair it's like the same thing the fingernails are made out of it's like keratin kind of crazy [ __ ] man but the the idea that anybody would pay to do that like don't do it man don't [ __ ] kill rhinos these aren't in they like there's been an argument against killing elephants but and there's certain areas of Africa where they have an overpopulation issue with elephants and they've taken to assassinating elephants they've taken to hunting them it's really freaky because they're bringing in Hunters and it was a TV show on the other night where this guy went to Africa and just snuck up on an elephant shot it in the [ __ ] head and it doesn't seem right it seems [ __ ] up did you ever play with Ivory balls no no never play with Ivy balls did they gave the food to the villagers and they were saying it's a Year's food for these
people cool so yeah I guess but there's something about elephants that freaks me out it freaks me out they kill elephants yeah that's like wh Wales yeah to me elephants are smart as [ __ ] they recognize each other when they haven't seen each other in 20 years did you know that really yep well that's the whole memory thing then huh yes yes well they have really good Minds their minds are they're much more complex than we ever thought they can in fact they can create art you can teach an elephant to use a paintbrush and they canw themselves really you never seen that no oh my God wa do you see this I'm going to show you something you're not even going to believe it's real it's an elephant painting himself and when you see it and how good it is it's like what my 5-year-old would do it's like a 5-year-old human I don't know if that represents like the same if that's the same intelligence as like a small child but godamn it it seems like there's something really serious going on behind the scenes there they're able to draw themselves D marera they're able to P pull ahead because this is a long ass video but look at this he's using his and you would think okay this is [ __ ] this is fake no he really is he's using his own trunk and he's trying to draw what he sees look at he's drawing tusks D he's drawing the legs that's like perfect like how he got it perfect [ __ ] incredible incredible that's an intelligent animal and in my opinion hunting that animal should be look how good that is godamn it that's ins that should be the last resort is this for real yes it's for real holy [ __ ] it should be the last resort when it comes to preserving these animals that that's that's ridiculous what they should do is figure out a way to either move them to areas where their populations have drastically decreased or find some way to give them some food that makes them uh less likely to get pregnant I mean who knows what strategies they could come up with but shooting them seems really sad to me that's amazing that's super smart that's smarter than a wolf okay that's unbelievable yeah I mean that's the argument against killing wolves is that they're smart and they're very much like
dogs and you know but that's way smarter than a [ __ ] wolf that's smarter than a monkey man that's smart as [ __ ] how smart are these goddamn things [ __ ] cool yeah it's interesting that look watch you do it this is not [ __ ] look him do it see now you can see his the actual full elephant look at this I mean this is utterly incredible utterly incredible is not every elephant in this can do like it's amazing wow yeah I don't know man the relationship the relationship between you going to die no the relationship that we have between other animals is a very strained one it's very strange how we because we have some animals that we use for food and some animals that we decide to use as a resource and you know it's it's all very cruel I I don't understand the rationalization sometime between what animals you pick to kill to eat in the sense that people are pescatarians what makes them think fish are happy to be on a hook and eat well the idea is that fish don't take care of their young Dolph oh dolphins are in fish yeah fish don't take care of their young so they're like [ __ ] these fish look how good that is D rare he drew [ __ ] flowers in his in his trunk it's insane it's insane it's insane how how talented this elephant is at drawing I mean that's better than most people could probably draw an elephant I think if you kill that that that's murder yeah look at this look at this thing painting the sky man are you [ __ ] [ __ ] me it's painting a word Jesus Christ this is insane where's this at I don't know on YouTube it's under uh if you guys want to see it it's under elephants painting Elvin suda suda that's the remember name of him he's writing his name yeah he knows how to write his name I mean this is insanity you kill that thing that's murder that's that's like that's like a big giant person or something it's just doesn't that doesn't make any sense to me whatever that is it doesn't make any sense to me mindblowing mind-blowing unbelievably fascinating but to those villagers one year's food we just eat I can't [ __ ] believe that it's hard to believe yeah I think if I walk out of here and I hear you guys laughing
no legit it's intelligent animals intelligent animals are uh my in my opinion we should treat them very differently than we treat everything else well I never believed that animals couldn't think I always believe they always said dogs don't think it's just Instinct I don't buy that no animals [ __ ] think man of course they think they just don't think as well as we do so we like to say they don't think yeah they're just they're limited I mean they their their bodies are about survival and breeding survival and breeding and those are the only things they don't create culture and we become Ultra complex because we create culture and because we have the ability to manipulate our environment so that's why we categorize dolphins in this weird gray area that allows us to enslave them because they can't create culture and because they can't manipulate their environment they don't have fingers yeah we don't see any evidence of their intelligence but meanwhile there's tons of scientific evidence of the fact they can communicate with each other that they have a language they have dialects that they have family communities that they they recognize each other long distances that they pull together I mean it's there it's an it's an intelligent thing that you're enslaving it's all that is it's there's no if hands or butts about it it's a bad argument whether it's an orca you know orcas are [ __ ] even smarter than Dolphins they're they're super intelligent animals it's it's Madness it's Madness it's total Madness and when you see an elephant that can paint a [ __ ] picture better than most of us in this room what is that that elephant paints better than you man that's the most phenomenal thing I've ever seen an animal do it's incredible it's incredible have you ever seen chimp spell their name chimps can spell their name uh for candy they teach them how to comp puzzles and they give them candy and then they can remember the of things they can count things from 1 to 1 2 3 four 5 6 7even and they they you know like the images will go blank and they'll remember which one was one which one was two and they'll reveal like each individual make it flip over in order something that I would struggle with sure yeah locking up chimps is CUNY too
putting them in a zoo is stupid you know they should have them in an area where they live in the wild and observe them that's it all the the stupid [ __ ] or even if they make enough wild that it seems wild to them yeah maybe mean if you have a really large place but like that lady in Connecticut that was living with one and then one it wound up biting her friend's face off oh yeah yeah that is Criminal negligence I mean that's no different than building bombs in your yard and your friend comes over and you blow your friend's face off they're so [ __ ] strong just not just strong but violent as [ __ ] and guess what she gave the chimp Xanax really yeah she gave the chimp Xanax and wine [ __ ] was crazy she had this 200 lb murderous monster living in her house this yoked up super monster he was in a he was in a cage right di he's wearing a diaper yeah I don't think he was in a cage Oh I thought he was in a cage when he reached out for her no no no no no no he he lived in the uh he he wandered around he did whatever he wanted to but but the woman was babysitting him no what happened was the uh Woman's friend came over and when the Woman's friend came over the chimp did not like the Woman's friend the Woman's friend him from her maybe maybe he thought of her as his girlfriend so he just attacked and just ripped her apart ho [ __ ] look at the muscles on those [ __ ] things are you kidding me man on it that looks like husar paarz but even more muscular he's definitely on it I could see him using kettle bells and battle ropes the zombie ones chimps give zero [ __ ] that's one of the scariest animals in the world if it's trying to get you oh yeah because if they got a hold of you like you might be able to even fight off a bear to the point where the bear decides like you're too crazy [ __ ] it I'll leave him alone if the bear wasn't hungry if it's a Nutty bear but a chimp is not going to let you win you know they're they're having a contest with you and they're going to bite your fingers off they're going to beat you senseless they're going to pull your genitals off they'll pull your pants off and bite your [ __ ] like they they know how to hurt you they're smart I think it would be one of the most terrifying animals to have to face in an encounter yeah I'd
probably take my chances with like something like a shark before a chimpanzee people have lived I mean people live in chimpanzee fights too but they get ripped apart sometimes people they get rescued it's usually in preserves that all this stuff happens too by the way in the wild it's very rare that a chimpanzee attacks a person but did you see that picture that I had on Twitter the other day of a Jaguar that a guy killed with his bare hands this is we don't make men like this anymore Mya it's an old black and white photo [ __ ] killed a Jaguar with his hands bare hands it says it's on my Twitter page it's uh just I think yesterday yeah look at this [ __ ] Carl akley I salute you you [ __ ] Savage of a man you real man you make me feel weak as a [ __ ] look at that goddamn Savage he killed a leopard with his hands that's how you know that's how you know you can hold up under pressure when you're duking it out with a cat that's a big cat too it's not a big leopard what what do you think that weighs um 120 yeah no it's not that heavy does it say how he actually did that's like 70 lb 60 70 lb he crack the neck you see how look at look at it compared to his body no it doesn't say how he did it at least I didn't read it look at it in relationship to his body you know it's it's a perspective thing if you brought the uh head all the way down to the ground the head is uh suspended about where his knee is it's hanging by its back feet if you brought the head all the way to the ground it really wouldn't even be as as long as his uh most of his upper body why was he even engaged with the anal most of his lower body rather did he he come after him yeah I attacked him oh jumped him tried to eat him people have been selling ever since I uh been uh putting up pictures from trail cameras people have been sending me trail camera photos of mountain lines that they catch in their yard or Mountain lines that they catch near their house a guy sent me one today from Florida of these two [ __ ] muscular Florida Panthers you know I've never seen a panther never seen a mountain lion no I've seen Mountain lies but I've never seen a panther same animal it's it's smaller though isn't it um maybe maybe it doesn't get enough food or
maybe I mean I was in the keys a couple weeks ago we were talking about that cuz they have the signs up beware of them you know well like most [ __ ] up things in Florida the population is growing the population of [ __ ] up people in Florida is growing the population of [ __ ] up cats is growing the population of alligators is growing the population of bass salts abusers is growing Florida is [ __ ] crazy and D marera is going to be there this weekend ladies and gentlemen that can't be real segue now that's a segue I want to put that in my driveway just to scare the [ __ ] out of people hey Brian can we set up a GoPro on the werewolf please oh yeah can we do that let's figure that out that's your next project that is [ __ ] terrify goo for the werewolf got that every time I walk in here it bothers me did you see the picture of Eddie Bravo Eddie Bravo radio used the podcast Studio the other night powerful Jamie stepped in save the day Eddie Bravo's computer crashed and uh Eddie called me up like last minute he's like dude I'm [ __ ] like the podcast was in a half an hour you know and my computer's crashed and and so he came over and used this place um but when he did he took all his clothes off and took a photo of him [ __ ] the werewolf pull that [ __ ] up EDD Bravo will commit to things in a way that very few people can I love this [ __ ] dude he's so crazy this this is a total Eddie Bravo picture that he would send you like this uh epitomizes why I love this dude this is one of the reasons why um he got a job as a writer on The Man Show Eddie Bravo's crazy look at look how he's committing to it he's screaming at the top of his lungs all of his clothes are off and he's banging the the werewolf from behind it would have been a little bit better if he had like a little bit more of an angle so we could actually see his ass cheeks so we know he's really really naked he's so crazy though look at him he's so [Laughter] silly I love that dude powerful lady Bravo so uh yeah we're GNA let other people do it too so you know any all of our friends who do podcast I know Tommy wanted to use it at one point in time and Duncan's going to use it like whenever will they need to do [ __ ] on with cameras and what have you uh I it makes this place more the merrier the
more uh I feel like the more good conversations we have in this place I feel like it soaks into the walls it's good energy I love this [ __ ] place when I come here I feel like I'm at home I feel like this is our uh our weird little no it's very cool portal to the rest of the world I mean I like the Laugh Factory the where you know but just for the comfort of being on a stage I'm comfortable on well that's also a stage you performed at for like two and a half decades right that's a great place yeah since the late ' 80s yeah Jesus Christ that's even more right what is that 46 40 yeah Jesus Christ no yeah 46 2014 oh 2 26 rather yeah yeah I say you're I'm 46 is what I meant uh I graduated in 85 I was 21 so I was probably at the left Factor 89 and 90 doing half talking and half uh adding my age in there so if I was um in in 86 I was not 21 I was 21 and 88 Joe what year do we do full frontal comedy I can't do comedy I mean I can't do uh math while you're talking to me oh sorry it's complicated full frontal comedy 93 I think was it did we the one in um Montreal no no that was uh U oh that was danger zone Zone that was also Showtime right yeah I think so I think it must have been 94 then that's when D my R and I became pool playing Partners wow oh we met in um Amsterdam Billiards we first found out that we both we each played pool that's right total luck by chance I was in town doing a gig Don was doing a gig we W up uh knocking some balls around together and I said you got a good stroke there Mr rera you got a better stroke you play pretty good fella for a comedian the all comedians pool league is uh you arri shafir um me um uh what's his name Adam Ferrar Adam Ferrar plays very good Adam Farrar plays very good Simmons Greg fit Simmons plays very good there you go that's good and what I was trying to think of is Craig Anthony Craig Anthony from uh the movies or Anthony uh sh Craig Robinson why Craig Anthony who's Craig Anthony uh the guy from from Breakfast Club someone's Craig Anthony why do I know that name Craig Robinson from yeah he Craig Anthony a fighter I Craig Robinson Craig Robinson from This Is the End did you see did you see him in this is the end that's the latest move he's on the office right James Franco yeah yeah good guy oh he's a poet Craig Anthony you're
thinking of a poet that's what it is yeah Craig Robinson sorry Craig Craig's hilarious he's and he's a really good pool player too apparently Vinnie favrito can play too yeah yeah yeah allegedly I've never seen him but I've heard he play really good tried to hustle me oh too slick no way not going to H hustle D Mar [ __ ] happen you don't have a gambling issue do you I love to gamble but I don't gamble much money I love gambling on football yeah it's fun the juice of it is is a a riot just adding a little spark to the game yeah and I'm talking like 50 bucks nothing that I'm I think that should be legal man stup it bums me out that that's not I feel like you should be able to bet at Any Corner you know there should be some sort of a way that you could uh you know like [ __ ] regulate how it gets taxed or you know where we can all meet and gamble on things we should be able to bet against each other we should be able to put our money jointly into something and it gets deposited into either one of our accounts if we win and the government takes a little piece off the top to make sure it gets taxed and that's it let people gamble you go to any police station and they have football pools yeah why not what's wrong with that nothing nothing and they shouldn't get in trouble for that either it's [ __ ] ridiculous I'm telling uh Brian Dunning that I'm doing a podcast is he here right now yeah anyway that's it D or rare that's it we got to wrap this [ __ ] up we got to bring it's fine man it's always fun my brother we've been friends a long [ __ ] Time Pal I know I love that it's a great history yeah it's been a lot of fun we've had some good times like I could beat you in a fight I know you do but that's because you're on Xanax and I'm I'm I would even fight back cuz I'm on pot I love you buddy love you Joe thanks for having me on um if you're around uh next Wednesday we're doing an Ice House show I'm in uh Knoxville Knoxville Tennessee boom anything you ever want me to tweet brother you know it just send in my way my friends love you the the comedy people love you the the people that uh get a hold of me on Twitter they're huge fans of D rare and one of the things they love most about the
podcast is being introduced to all these great comedians you know whether Joey or Ari or you so it's uh it helps everybody so more than happy to do it my brother thanks Joe I'll talk to you all right Dom Ira on Twitter the two RS i r e r a this d r with one R you [ __ ] you [ __ ] fraud how there must be a guy who's Mr if there isn't a fake D they already put it together uh thanks to Squarespace go to squarespace.com entering the code Joe and the number one that's Joe and the number one to save yourself some money and if you want to enter into to the podcast sponsorship SL Squarespace contest we will pick four winners um that have designed the most beautiful website and Squarespace will give these winners a free year of Squarespace and we'll send these winners a swag bag with items like an Apple keyboard a t-shirt a mle skin and more you know what [ __ ] it I'm going to throw in an high a higher primate t-shirt how about that how about that you get a free higher primate t-shirt I don't to do a lot of those in Texas man I'm just doing that because I'm nice okay I just made it up on the spot tweet those ideas uh by this January the 17th to #j Squarespace and uh the higher primary t-shirt you'll be able to choose whichever one you want I just made it up right there how how you like that that's how I roll D marera when I'm with you I get inspired never seen you roll I run with things uh Ting thank you also to Ting for sponsoring our podcast uh hugely happy with this as a sponsor and nothing but positive results rogan.com go there and save $25 off your first Ting device when you sign up you [ __ ] freaks we're also brought to you by on it that's o n niit t use the code name Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements much love you dirty [ __ ] and we will see you in about 15 minutes with Brian Dunning big [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] kiss m