Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxliT56AJ84
the Jo Rogan Experience well that's one of the things about being um a comic in Boston is that uh there was a lot of craft to I mean you you came along a little bit after me about after uh my generation of open micers uh but there was a there's a lot of emphasis put on the craft of like the use of the word [ __ ] like you know you could use the word [ __ ] but don't over [ __ ] don't break the [ __ ] meter that's what guys would say don't break the [ __ ] I remember that like try to keep it to three three to five [ __ ] yeah yeah Mike Donovan used to say yes Donovan was a genius man Donovan Donovan is one of those un hurled Geniuses one of my favorite lines ever is he's talking about uh being at work and your boss breaking your balls about going on break and one of my favorite like most one of those blue collar details that I never heard anybody bring up on stage he was like imitating you know giving [ __ ] to his boss he said I'll take a 20-minute [ __ ] on the clock if I want and I was just like oh my God I used to work with a guy who did that every day just dogging it just hating his life he would grab the newspaper it was just like he'd go we just had a break the Roach Coach pulled up we just had the break and he used it to get he was so [ __ ] miserable to get from the break to get to lunch he had this routine where he would go and he's like I have to go to the bathroom and we would all break his balls it's like Joe you you [ __ ] went in there for like nine hours you know and he would just laugh and he would just walk in sit down and just read the newspaper I don't even think he was taking a [ __ ] he would just sit on this bowl just to have this like I never forget that [ __ ] like how lucky my life is to tell jokes let just like that like your game plan is you hate your job so bad that you pretend to take a [ __ ] for 20 minutes every day just to get to lunch that's a lot of guys that you can get fired for that oh nowadays with all the cameras and everything they can literally break down exactly when you because back in the day yeah [ __ ] you was six minutes yeah they would bring hernia how quick am I supposed to take a [ __ ] in they' bring you to a diet counselor try to get you we have to figure figure out some sort of a way to optimize your
time better here at Performance Inc you're upsetting the people in the cubicles that you're walking by as you go to the uh as you go to the toilet they're there pulling your load while you're [ __ ] that was one of the dumbest things we ever did we used we used to ship out like this computer software we were the middleman between like software companies and people ordering software this is like the 80s so there's no internet so people would come to our company I mean the company I work for where they had all this sofware Lotus 123 DB 3 all this old school [ __ ] and uh one day we we got into this stupid guy competitive thing like [ __ ] morons we didn't realize it like who was shipping out the most so we started saving them competing with one another and uh this guy shipped out 100 packages so the next day I did 120 and then he did 160 and we were fighting and then the [ __ ] management got room for it they were like oh yeah why don't you start keeping uh an a number and then they figured out who was being the most efficient and guys started losing their job so I even back then I was like dude guys stop [ __ ] doing it stop doing it because we're we're literally cutting our own [ __ ] well you're making yourself you putting yourself in a race that's there's nowhere yeah but we didn't know any better yeah we didn't know any better dude we idiots we were like 1920 dude we used to [ __ ] go out and drink like a 12pack of beer and eat McDonald's at 1: in the morning and by like 8:00 we were unloading trucks fine laughing and then we would work we do all this [ __ ] and then during the lunch hour we would go out and play basketball in like just regular sneakers and like 501 blues remember that the butterfly and you'd be out there you come back in pour and sweat and then just keep unload it's the greatest shape I was ever in in my life and then in the end of work I would then go lift and go ride a bike dude I remember one time I went on a bike ride hammered I was so into working out [ __ ] bike ride I'm on like a 12-speed bike that I bought one I still have it by the way in my garage I refused to throw [ __ ] out and uh I remember being hammered on the bike and I'm sweating so I'm becoming more hammered and I was going to do this 11
milei Loop then it became 07 and then I just kind of came back and I was like on the bike laughing and I was like 2021 and was only beginning to understand the fragility of life and I knew that what I was doing was stupid but I couldn't get I I I just kept picturing my friends laughing at me and I was literally by myself riding this bike laughing drunk driving up the street yeah dude I've been here for and half hours like I'm just taking Snippets from [ __ ] the 80s I got I got nothing left you used to you used to be able to bounce back so well when you're young it's amazing when you're 20 years old you get hammered the next day you barely feel anything dude I used to go to McDonald's and tear down that place I would get two qu pounds with cheese a large fry a six piece McNugget and I never liked them I never liked them I never thought and I used to try the different sauces I used to go with the mustard never tastes good I just wanted something to fill the void and then I I would get like a couple of cheeseburgers and uh I think just a giant Coke and just throw that down and wake up the next day with a flat stomach and I already drank like you know eight nine beers we got a fight we got into a fight one time right under the Golden Archers and the next town over um I don't know what happened these guys came in drunk classic Boston [ __ ] they just come walking in and they give everybody the finger of course we respond to it and next thing you know we're out underneath the Golden Archers there like like five of us and two of them and uh my buddy who always fought he starts swinging on the big one and then the little one he sort of jumped in it just became this big it looked like wrestling you know when like they all come running out of the dressing room to help each other we're on snow everybody's drunk just falling down we were so [ __ ] drunk the cops were there like sort of misting mace for like I don't I don't know how long like we didn't even see him pull up it was just like like being in the [ __ ] fight then all of a sudden everybody's like eyes are like tearing up and [ __ ] and then what was hilarious was that they just broke us up and they [ __ ] and then like two
seconds later we're back in our car and the same two guys we were fighting were coming back up to the car it's like where did the cops go I thought it was over and the guy's like that was a [ __ ] Punch I Remember the little one goes I still remember he goes we laugh at your [Laughter] [ __ ] it was [ __ ] nuts I got to give it up to him it was it was you know [ __ ] four on two or whatever and uh they didn't give a [ __ ] they laugh they definitely laughed at our [ __ ] they they didn't care they ate that mace and they came right back they were ready right up to our right up to our Ford Escort they did not give a [ __ ] if you're still in into the fight and you just got maced that's you need a hobby something happened I I don't but nobody got it full on like it was just like your eye I thought we thought it was the snow like they had thrown rock salt cuz we were on the ground I don't I don't know what it was but it was just like unbelievably [ __ ] IR but we were hammered I like a [ __ ] police pulled up and nobody noticed that's hilarious like hey heyy hey whatever was going on [Applause] [Music] [Applause]