Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNVqwdyMhE0
The Joe Rogan Experience [ __ ] 16 hours to read my own audio book I was like oh my God [ __ ] I cannot read out loud to save my life 16 hours how many hours is the actual audio book three waa that's crazy I am the worst out loud reader and for like the first two chapters they get mad if you [ __ ] it up yeah the guy asked me like on the first CH first chapter he's like hey man do you need glasses I was like no I just I'm not that good about it I was like I'll do it drunk everyone wants to hear me do it drunk you can't [ __ ] read drunk so then I had to scrap that day that day is all useless we had to go back and redo it oh and then and then I was also like like I'd read a passage and then I'd go on and be like like and then I'd expound on what I just read and kind of it was like it was like a podcast and that was [ __ ] horrible because that took like forever and so then finally the guy's like just [ __ ] read it so I just read it towards the end but it gets better I would I would think it would be better if you just read it and if you [ __ ] up just comment on the fact that you [ __ ] that word up and just keep going on like that way people would they would get they'd get the book the whole book but they'd also get the experience of you reading the book like you separating yourself from the book while you read it oh I mean oh they I I I don't know what it's going to sound like but because I I did acknowledge it I did when I did [ __ ] up because I'm a comic so I would work the piece as I was like if I was on stage okay so did they keep that in or do they edit that stuff they kept I I think they kept some of it in but they couldn't have kept all of it in that's so weird though that they decide what gets left in and what comes out this whole dude this whole book writing process has been vulnerable as [ __ ] because you you really let go of it because it's a entirely different industry yeah I didn't I passed I I had a book deal I was writing the book and they were they were giving me these wacky [ __ ] notes just advice on like how I should talk about things what I should describe and how I was like we're not this is not happening you don't you're not involved in the creative process yeah you know I gave them their money back I was like this is crazy like they wanted me to
essentially write my ACT down on on paper and sell it as a book and they're like well George Carlin did it and and Jerry Seinfeld did it I was like I that's nice I don't give a f I'm not doing that like that's I I write different than I do standup it's two different things like you can write when you're writing like just writing there's a way that you can express yourself that's unavailable if you're talking right you know it's it's why you the dragon dictate didn't work for me cuz you'd talk it into this Dragon dictate and it would put it right into the computer yeah like print it but it didn't work for me cuz it sounded spoken like it sounded like and and and a couple like and one of the hard things for me was I I did that same thing where they wanted all the stories I had told on stage or on podcast I was like I can't I can't do that I can't just fill it up with that yeah they want the stuff that they think they're going to sell it's not a an artistic thing it's like guess what dummy the same person that told those funny stories I can tell you other funny stories like we're not running out of funny stories here it's really fascinating and and like there's stories I had to put in the book I had to put the machine in I can't not write that in there and there's a lot of there's like the Will Smith story I had to put it in but then I wanted to do the cbal posy one I wanted to do one where I met Ralph Samson and when I was a kid I was Ralph Samson um he was a basketball player and I was I went to school at I went to I was like in eighth grade I decided I really want to be a basketball player and so I went to um Villanova basketball camp and Ralph Samson came to speak and like the first night I got a concussion and the two best basketball players got pulled out for drinking so the next day I had to sit out with the two best basketball players and everyone thought we drank together so now all of a sudden I'm 15 14 and everyone thinks I'm cool because I'm partying with the 18-year- olds so Ralph Samson comes I thought this defined me Ralph Samson comes up to give a speech he's like I'm here to talk to you about two things there's 5,000 kids on the gym floor he's like we're going to talk about basketball and we're talk about discipline first let's talk about
discipline who in here parties and I was under the impression we were all going to put our hands on up but I was the only [ __ ] person I just went and he was like oh one person 5,000 kids no one raised her [ __ ] hand he's like how do you party I was [ __ ] 13 I didn't know how to I didn't I never parted in my life so all I said was Hardy and he [ __ ] lost it and 5,000 kids are slapping the gym floor like oh [ __ ] we're going to make an example out of you party animal he's lost the room so he brings me up front to the in front of all the kids and he makes me stand up and he puts a basketball behind my legs like this and then one on my arms like this and he's like we party hardy well we're going to party hardy today so I'm standing like this for his whole [ __ ] hour speech with a basketball here and there and he's like and he keeps coming back to me and by the way I'm so in my head that I'm I'm have social anxiety disorder but I'm in front of everyone and I'm like being made fun I'm being mocked that I wasn't listening to his question so when he's like you think you'll ever party again I just said yeah and the [ __ ] place went bananas they're like oh and he's like how do you party hardy I was like and I didn't know the answer I just was like with two hands [ __ ] people are losing you think you do marijuana and now I'm killing I'm like I'll get to it in college and these kids I left that gym and everyone wanted to talk to me everyone's like party animal what are you doing and that you're still holding the basketball between your legs the whole the whole [ __ ] time I'm while you're cracking jokes while I'm cracking jokes how long did you hold the basketball an hour that's a long time my cousin Abe I almost brought him here today I should have I didn't even think about it my cousin Abe was there at the camp because he's from Philly I didn't know anyone my cousin Abe's like I didn't I didn't know you partied I go I don't I don't I just thought we'd all put our [ __ ] hands up and he's like yeah why would you put your hands up if you don't party I was like I wanted to be cool so yeah so like so now and then everyone would come up and they'd be like party animal you partying Hardy tonight I'd be like yeah but then I
became cool at that camp and then I have friends and so I wrote that story is a little longer and I gave it to them I go this is the best story this defines me and they're like uh not really that's hilarious so it's all partying stories but it's like that's a hilarious story oh thanks that's so nutty that this could have possibly sent you on a path when you were that young yeah you know 13 years old I just I and it's all just wanting to be accepted I don't did you ever have one of those moments where you'd go somewhere and you didn't know anybody sure but you felt like everyone [ __ ] grew up together yeah that's a weird feeling I felt like that a lot as a kid yeah but I thought that that defied me because then I became the part I became the party animal I kind of lived up to whatever by the way I went to high school the very next year didn't know anyone so I'm sure that kind of I was like well it worked in Villanova so yeah there's definitely different personality that develops when kids have to move too right if they move from one spot to another spot they move more than once they develop this like this weird newcomer personality you know like in every romantic kids movie The Rebel that moved into town the new kid that you don't know of and you think he smokes cigarettes some [ __ ] Twilight Style movie or even like Karate Kid didn't he like move into some new town dude Karate Kid I [ __ ] the day Karate Kid came out was my first day of tennis camp and so so I go I gotta [ __ ] can't believe I didn't write about this this Fu I didn't me know anyone I didn't know anyone so then the these all the last very end of Camp I started meeting the cool kids and they're like hey man what are you doing today I was like nothing and they're like you want to go see Karate Kid and I didn't know anything about it and I was like oh yeah yeah that'd be cool so like cool meet us at Mission Bell that's where this place was my mom's late picking me up we're late doing everything she drops me off to the movie late and I go in and the movie's already started I can't find any of the kids but I already bought the ticket and I already have popcorn in a drink and I'm like [ __ ] so I just go down and I sit down now I've never seen a movie by myself at that time and I just sit down and I keep looking for him but I can't
[ __ ] find him but then the movie starts and it's a great [ __ ] movie and it's a movie about a loner kid like myself that doesn't know anyone and he's trying to break into the new group just like I was doing a tennis camp and I really get involved in it I get so involved in the movie that when he does the [ __ ] crane kick and kicks the guy I start balling [ __ ] crying thinking I'm Daniel son I'm D in my head I'm like I feel like Daniel Son the house sits come up and the [ __ ] kids that were had wanted me to meet were sitting directly like two rows in front of me and they heard you weeping they heard me crying and I'm sobbing you weeping like loud sobbing like a [ __ ] 10-year-old cry like if you were 10 how'd that work out uh they turned around and they saw me crying and they were about to make fun of me and they're like oh you got us you got we thought you were crying you [ __ ] with us you were sitting behind us the whole time and I was like yeah yeah that's it that's it I [ __ ] and walked out that movie I still this day so you you had a fake that you weren't crying I had a fake that I wasn't crying and then we all hung out and they're like you can just do that make yourself cry I was like h [Music] [Applause] [Music]