Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkZwLQCBVeo
that's right [ __ ] round two we make choices like that if we were on a network we would never just say hey can we do another hour yeah let's do another [ __ ] hour why should we end this [ __ ] this episode this episode at we'll call it an episode at it's brought to you by Ting Ting which is a a mobile service when are they going to stop calling them they were trying to disc decide that recently like why do people still call them cell phones and mobile they're all smart though but mobile means like we can move it with it right H yes but it's so smart it's not just mobile like all phones are mobile now but if you have an iPhone it's more than just right it's not just mobile you have an iPhone 5 that's not just a mobile phone that [ __ ] is a computer in your pocket you take pictures make videos yeah so what do you think we should call it better name than a smartphone some people in charge of names come up with a better name [ __ ] do your [ __ ] job the point is Ting has phones for sale folks okay they use a Sprint backbone and they rent on it and then give you the the same service that you would get if you had Sprint but at a very reasonable rate how reasonable I'm glad you asked Ari shafir 98% of people would save money with Ting that's a lot of goddamn people that's almost like saying everybody 98% just two [ __ ] weirdos that somehow or another have strange data usage and they wouldn't save money Ting Ting has the way is set up is you only pay for what you use which I think is what the whole world is going to have to do in the future cuz just like you used to have to pay for long distance if you called your friend in New York remember that yeah that [ __ ] is out the window now they had to abandon Canada still got that Canada still has that yeah I had a joke didn't work H guy asking about his cell phone and saying it's not long distance I'm like what it's never long distance and in Canada like what do you mean it's what do you mean they also have socialized medicine you got to take the good with the bad pros and cons son pros and cons yeah um but what they do is they only charge you for what you use so because of that like you don't have like a lot of people they'll have a plan 100 minutes or whatever the hell it is a lot
of times you use way less than that especially with phone calls who the [ __ ] makes phone calls anymore or probably way less phone calls then you you would just a few years ago because people text so so much but you you oftentimes don't use all your minutes but you don't get credit for those and Ting used to do that they used to give you credit but now they said you know what we got a better way to do this just pay for what you [ __ ] use oh really no early termination fees no cancellation fees pay for what you use you didn't use it why are you paying for it say guess ahead of time it's in a game of spades Jesus [ __ ] Christ someone get it right U they also have the best Android phones that you could buy all the cool ones all the uh fascinating new gadgets um they have uh the uh Samsung Galaxy S3 they have that that Moto uh Moto Max that we were talking about they have uh that LG glex Samsung G Galaxy S5 Galaxy Note 3 is what I meant to say and that HTC the HTC1 the M8 which is pretty [ __ ] slick a lot of really cool [ __ ] um all the best and most groovy new cell phones and if you use Rogan doing.com you can save yourself $25 off any new phone Rogan doing.com all right rir is here this is what we call a podcast de that's it so we will do an abbreviated version of the commercials by the way.com is the size of most people's whole podcast [ __ ] them [ __ ] those people keep the music on Jamie out here the 209 bro this is what happens when Brian's not here the whole place goes to [ __ ] look at you showing tank Train by day all night what the [ __ ] you're train and then the Night Comes and you stop train right get it right are you ready did you get it right the sound is all [ __ ] up oh you're a mess but can the folks hear us they can hear you okay well we don't need that music we just had the music once today yeah we probably we got greedy tried to two double music it he can't do that it's not a two for Tuesday AR shafir has so many stories about China we talked about so many other things besides his stories about China we decide we have to keep going so you were about to tell some Crazy Noodle story oh yeah so they had these street meat which is great this is Shanghai that's me that I knocked into this table I was it sound like a [ __ ] truck fell over
outside uh yeah Shanghai but uh they were like be careful the meat's great you just there's kebabs you pick it up they roast it give it back to you say three two whatever it is um for how much money yeah you can get by with gesturing I learned hello and uh thank you those are the only words I really knew huh niow and Sher you know how I know that what niow Kyan it's a show my kids watch really Kyan niow Ken yeah that's cool yeah you knew neow that's crazy you can learn stuff from T yeah so say shes shes is like thank you ah okay it's also used some other way but I don't know so how do you um gesturing I got sick at gesturing really yeah except a couple times I would like be about to go into like a noodle store or something like a like a shop and I have to call my friend they gave me burner phones which was nice I could use and I was like Hey how do you say noodles and how do you say beef they would tell me both words I was just go in I'm be like what was it I forget now man man man is noodles and uh one of the guys from the The Matrix movie is was the word for beef who's the black guy from The Matrix Morpheus no okay what's the main guy from from the what was his name Neo Neo yeah Neo yeah that's how you say beef Neo Neo and what the other one what's the noodles uh meenen you say meeno or Neo I don't know but I said that and then they were like they point to the [ __ ] menu like there's 18 things I'm like lady come on you see me struggling with if I'm foreign and I come in I go beef n just pick something for him listen to who's saying listen to who's saying this The Amazing Racist is saying this where if you would be like learn the language you [ __ ] yeah those are parody sketches so true of course he doesn't really feel that way ladies and gentlemen um the comments on those are the best parts people got so angry at you for those the comments are the best yeah just argue back and forth it still go angry angry [ __ ] so the noodles so they have these noodles the street noodles you can get and I was advised the first day like you don't want those and why show me this video that I can send you right now you can put up oh but um they are here put your put your email here and then just send it to
me you can just send it to yourself but uh so to get the oil what they would do is they would go to the Sewer they would take raw sewage out of the sewer and then boil it down the way they make wax hash wax they'd boil off the sewage and whatever was left that's cooking oil that they would use it's super [ __ ] harmful and then sell to like a lot of the Street Noodle guys what yeah that face is what I made that same face what they were cooking with sewer oil bro it was going around so it's not common but it was it possible so it's not like that's the only way they do it no but the street places were like you run a risk here it's cheaper oil oh my God and they're just getting from that Source oh my God what is this China's food production up close give me some gutter oil making of gutter oil give me some volume Jamie Jesus Christ it's all in a day's work for this woman she opens up a manhole cover and Scoops out as much slop as she can delighted by what she finds what others might view as revolting she sees as a bonanza she works in the streets of the Southern Chinese City of shenen a foot soldier in China's so-called gutter oil industry I seriously almost threw up I just gagged she says she's made enough money to build a house for her family back in her home Village a thousand miles to the north a people are just awful she's scooping out slop eventually winds up in a processing plant like this one where it's combined with other animal fat Refuge to create recycled cooking oil workers put the oil in barrels for delivery to restaurants call how can you eat this if you eat it it can kill you cooking oil has long been a cherished commodity in China where stir frying in a walk is the main stay of daily meal preparation the high-profit margins from gutter oil production have proven irresistible Chinese experts estimate that one tenth of China's cooking oil is gutter oil which has been found to contain carcinogens and other toxins harmful to humans you think sh bad for you news and among street food vendors ilal production sites are often discovered after people living nearby
notice a nauseating stench and alert cooking your food in police have arrested scores of people across the country in recent years for engaging trade and sees thousands of tons of the material look at these guys fake a little bit 200 included harsh penalties for producers of Tainted products but many consumers doubt that China's dinner tables can be completely free of gutter oil all we can do is accept it in our current Society everybody tries to Swindle everybody else there's nothing we can do about it wow wow yeah that's the [ __ ] disgusting what that takes disgusting to a whole new level I have never when pouring it from the bucket and you hear that go get that sound bite no not dude I almost threw up I had to look away that's the first time I've ever had to look away on a show really yeah that's amazing cuz you knew where it's headed to someone's food dude I almost threw up watching that so I did not have any of the street noodles I did have a lot of noodles though oh my God Street noodles [ __ ] man but that you might have had some gutter oil absolutely I absolutely might have had some oh what the [ __ ] man I would like to know if you had gutter oil I I got to assume when I see that when I said where it was like I probably had some gutter oil I would like to know how do you think we could find out one my friend was there said he was like yeah I mean I ate it for a little while you know I got a kick of eating it this way before the expose came out he goes I had a lot of diarrhea I it was a lot cuz you're eating [ __ ] cuz you're eating someone else's [ __ ] Jesus Christ like yeah we boil we put a flame under it China is to me you know like when you when you see like the worst case scenarios about China and like that did you ever see that HBO uh documentary about them selling B I think it was HBO they were selling children like like guys were selling like their two-year-old children this one boy was screaming cuz his dad sold his brother away wow yeah deep dark [ __ ] and they were interviewing the guy who who sold his kid and he was like look I didn't have any money I had a kid I had to sell the kid wow yeah it's really [ __ ] up I mean really [ __ ] up but to me when I see stuff like that
when I see that guy that was saying that you know people Swindle people when you see the whole gutter oil thing it's like Humanity if it [ __ ] gets bad if people are in a bad spot people go real bad they go real bad they compartmentalized they don't like this I'm not concerned with who gets this like they just don't think about it like I'm sure it's okay that lady was do I am bought a house you bought a house by feeding people's [ __ ] how much [ __ ] did you have to shovel to get your house and you have to continue shoveling [ __ ] in order to pay for that house I assume they have mortgages over there do they have mortgages she's not buying a house with cash like showing up I don't think so big [ __ ] stack of paper dude that's insane that was pretty gross that's beyond gross I almost threw up on a podcast I've never done that before that plopping sound dude I hosted Fear Factor for years okay I've seen some [ __ ] I'm not a regular person in that regard I've seen more disgusting [ __ ] than almost any other person who's a comedian yeah up close and personal right there and help people get through eating things you got na and I got nauseous now just I could smell the [ __ ] as she scooping it up and that sound made it so descriptive yeah the I really I got that that weird tingle in my throat I know you mean I didn't think I could control oh what is horrible yeah Brian told me he was in China and they were at a restaurant and the restaurant had pigs underneath the restaurant and running around yeah they were like in containers underneath the restaurant and they realized his mom asked and realized that when you [ __ ] the [ __ ] was going down to where the pigs were and the pigs were eating your [ __ ] eating human [ __ ] oh gross and then you're being Ser the pigs [ __ ] that's unfortunate you think I mean and they're doing it old school style you're [ __ ] in a hole you're squatting like you were talking about in the first podcast before this one where you Talk podcast we did yeah we did another podcast couple couple hours ago um Ari was talking about how you go into these bathrooms and there's a hole in the ground that's your toilet so underneath that hole pigs just waiting for [ __ ]
dude so [ __ ] gross but again that's that's what happens when people just when it goes bad play that noise again Jamie don't do it just play that noise alone don't do it just that part just queue it up in case we need it que it up we need it sounds like we do need it that plop plop plop plop they said the hashish in Hong Kong was cut with up to up to 25% got a royal nope shoe polish wow it's too high a percentage for me but there was some California weed there 25% Sho up up two God damn just because they wanted to make it bigger make it make more God damn that's so grow it kind of looks like shoe polish yeah it does you can't really tell oh yeah like man it's [ __ ] me up like yeah it's not good weed you imagine it's just [ __ ] you up what does hash cut with shoe polish smell like I don't know it's got to have a turpentine sort of a smell to it you know that smell you know those cans you'd open up your your grandpa's shoe polish you smell it yeah there's a little you know it was like those little circular cans T keeper bit moist or something I don't know I'm saying tur the circular ones I know we used to do that we used to sh shine our shaba shoes with those yeah spit spit on a rock yeah just rub it on there we had the on brushes too or you can use an old like shata you like you see those guys at the airport now like Sho shiners shoe shine guys but that's you never see those anywhere else it's the airport and that's it they come around bu businesses sometimes in New York they'll go in DC too this guy used to come to like our our Law Firm he would go like to each business once a week have you ever seen one in La at a business I mean there must be something when am I in a business when are you in a business you know what I mean in an office building whenever you're uh in your [ __ ] apartment you're in a business that's the beautiful thing about being a comic yeah yeah I guess I'm technically in my business right now you're in the you're in the business of writing [ __ ] up things down that will eventually become jokes yeah that's a business it's might not be your business but it's a [ __ ] bus get bed turn the turn the turn the heat on that's business I'm going beat off on myself and watch cartoons BR my computer with Mech business
this is right off this is right off time I'm hoping that in watching all this porn I can come up with a joke about me watching all this porn and if not so be it tough [ __ ] yeah that's the beautiful thing about being a comic anything you're interested in like anything you pursue online could potentially be a research yeah you mean literally anything any idea that you read online that you find fascinating you can find if it strikes you you can find a a comic angle to it wow yeah yeah yeah exactly anything you care about enough to look at it's almost like today we're spoiled because every day there's some new ridiculous story that goes on that could be like an awesome bit and they just keep flying by keep coming at you to keep coming at you and they like no no guys don't forget about the story because I'm already doing a bit about it well you even if people forget about it you can re you know invigorate the idea but the idea is that you forget about them because there's so many of them there another one comes by just kind I'm constantly retweeting things where I'm like what like I'll retweet it and go I got to write a bit about that but it's it just goes goes by the wayside too much [ __ ] there's so much if you look online like if you have a bunch of good Twitter feeds that you follow you'll find some of the most ridiculous articles and story a guy got caught in a [ __ ] American Tourist got caught in a giant vagina statue in Germany oh yeah they had a rescue them I saw the the billboard for that or not the billboard preview no headline website headline something the headline just the one word the tops top of the website us student is rescued from a giant vagina sculpture in Germany you find it on my uh Twitter feed there dude they laugh at us at how stupid we are we're dumb as [ __ ] they laugh at us look at this [ __ ] giant vagina supposed to yeah he's got his legs trapped in there [ __ ] idiot the fireman had to come and get him out what he step in and couldn't they should have just hacked his legs off with an axe they should have came over left the left the leg in there just grabbed the axe and he would have figured out a way to get out no no no no no no wait I'll work hard I'm sorry I call 911 [ __ ] sorry chop hack Chop
Chop just let me try to get my right leg out no chop chop my right leg's not even stuck though let me just shut up shut up Chop Chop yeah the the vagina sculpture first of all why do you have a vagina sculpture Germany you [ __ ] weirdos like what is that abouty i' be what an odd choice to have a [ __ ] vagina sculpture outside but me meanwhile vaginas are [ __ ] super important and they're inviting yeah if it wasn't for vaginas there'd really be no people of course I'm supposed to get inside it but isn't that funny that for whatever reason like it's a bad thing to have a vagina sculpture taboo you can have you can have a sculpture of a woman's face yeah that's okay no problem no problem no controversy no controversy shoulders shoulders up the shoulders like this showing the boob off nah boobs get tricky people like to cover those they like to cover the boobs but as long as the boobs are covered and you're an angel it's okay oh if you're an angel forget about it you need a thing like that in your town square but a vagina m that's we not like that it looks like a vagina too yeah if you scroll down Jamie there's a picture of this [ __ ] poor slob was Goofy glasses yeah this headline wasn't poor slob gets stuck in in a statue yeah look at this vagina statue what's that did you find the image I found the more photos of it oh nice this [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] got so far down and so stuffed into this thing that he couldn't move his legs like they had to figure out how to get him out of that thing don't play that just show the just go to photos cuz this is the kind of [ __ ] that gets us kicked off of YouTube there you go there he is oh wow look at this [ __ ] there's another one with his face we should shame him so oh wow so he fell over or something and then he could in like an idiot and his legs got smushed he got stuck or it's a gag it could be a stunt a gag that looks pretty tight in his legs though it does but so does he you always got to put everything up like it's possible as a stunt yeah always looks like it if I had a guess looks like a stunt yeah 22 firefighters had to pry him open oh my god wow 22 firefighters they probably all jerked off on him to lube it up maybe that'd be great that'd be great they imagine if there's the only one way to do this we
got to jerk off on you leg that's the only way Lube up his legs this [ __ ] Americans what does it feel like telling people in another country like China that you're American do they just go well the other like Chinese people you didn't really talk too much you didn't talk to much barely the only the ones that spoke in English did you hanging out with the Chinese ladies yeah one she was at this bar that I like gu I performed at or like right next door in this area um I thought she was in my show but then later I wasn't [Laughter] positive apparently they have a thing according to this guy who posted on the Rogan board what he lives in China uh he they have a thing for people with big noses oh really white white men with big noses they look crazy for May some people like that look so different to them yeah she just sort of we didn't she didn't really talk English at all but we just sort of like she knew a couple words but then you got a vibe there still a vibe there so you kind of knew did you feel like you were like like some crazy foreigner like some Savage from another land a little bit it's like tell me more well that's the area there's a lot of foreigners there right um area L this guy on the Rogan board was saying I should give the guy credit um he was saying that um that these women that like you'd have to tell them that you love them oh really yeah but that saying that you love like saying that is different didn't mean is like doesn't mean they're committing to you forever it just means I love you well it doesn't mean like what you think it means here like people say it all time there were differences like that yeah and then he was also saying that when they break up with when you break up with them they go [ __ ] crazy he was saying that he have they he had a real problem with that when you break up and they go crazy yeah like suicidal or murderous oh really yeah his name is Ripple that's the the guy it's a very long thread um and it's on the Rogan board it's actually from July 23rd of 2010 so it's a four-year-old thread and it just recently got uh bumped up probably I mean maybe because of you being there oh really that's cool maybe
maybe I'm wondering but it might just be coincidental um but either way pretty interesting [ __ ] this guy talking about his experiences being uh a white guy in China and just dating chicks and he he never was into Chinese chicks until he went to China and then he got like super into them oh probably there all the time I mean they're they're not they're not fat they're they're all real thin like like too thin almost too thin yeah a lot of times like you got to have some like you know meat on your bones no butt is that what you're trying to say oh no definitely no butt no butts were SC that would be a problem a lot of barbecu chicken claws you know this guy saying though not enough butts they um that they what he calls MC tits he said that the the Chinese people that lived there that ate McDonald's grew tits wow cuz of all the hormones that shot into it [ __ ] he said those were the ones it was like one of his one of his things that they say the MC tits Theory some have like nice be cups ah nice beup but you know nothing crazy MC tits that's funny yeah isn't that interesting that the ones who ate a lot of uh McDonald's food yeah that's so hilarious it's his uh MC tits theory that the foreigners have formulated theory of body type wow isn't that crazy but if they live off McDonald's they have tits but he was saying that they mistake 40 year olds for 30y olds or younger and yeah I think I've heard some of them are like they're looking well a lot of times they're also like um immigrant workers that when they get off they're just looking to [ __ ] they're just looking to have a good time me I've never seen anybody party like that on Sundays they get off and they have very little rights and but Sundays they don't work and they just fill up the markets and they all dance they're all the like line dancing together by the bay break drinking yeah all sort but like the Chinese music but absolutely they also know their their things they party like they are free for one day for one day wow that's interesting so do you think they like they're all bottled up and then they get that one day so they just enjoy F we're going to enjoy this we're going to enjoy our day off no one's taking a station let's all get out there some Comics have days off all the time and they get super lazy yeah forget to appreciate those days off get used to
it you know Eddie Bravo always talks about that Eddie Bravo always talks about like learning to appreciate life like that sometimes in the middle of it it's really difficult to appreciate it and that you got to like force yourself to like really apprciate it really step back and appreciate how awesomeness is yeah once in a while I get a new comic they'll be like like like genuinely like man you guys your name on the wall at the comedy store that's so cool and I'm like oh yeah I mean I guess so did they take my my name down no they don't take names down no they don't take names down they should it's a lot of names they should take down yeah yeah it's a fch bunch of [ __ ] names where you go come on man that dude's got his name up there [ __ ] out of here if they would take those names down I wouldn't be mad if they took mine down right you gota get off you can take mine down well you could take mine down anyway D is up there twice is he really yeah they they thought he slipped through the cracks and they put him up another time and that he didn't slip through the cracks but that's how late they are about not taking names down wow his name up twice I'm like I guess it's up there that's hilarious yeah so what if someone did something terrible like what about that comic that was like a rapist remember that comic that was a rapist he was going to colleges andap name stays up wow is his name up there I don't know maybe I don't know if he was a he was paid regular but I would have heard that if he was somebody would have run into him that's [ __ ] oh [ __ ] I had his name in the tips my tongue yeah that guy's in jail forever right he's in jail for a long a lot of rapes lot of rapes he would say like creepy religious [ __ ] to them like pray for me oh really yeah just tell them to pray vce champ that's it there it is thanks tip of tongue I remember not knowing who that guy was but the people that did know who that guy was were like oh I could see that like Adam richond just got acquitted Adam Richmond the food guy no no it's comic oh my God who's Adam richond it's comic Scar the [ __ ] out of I don't know why I'm scared of the food guy getting raped yeah or raping what happened there was something in Minneapolis oo yeah with a waitress someone accused him
waitress who do you believe uh well a lot of people find Adam richond annoying so a lot of the comedy community was like I can see I can see I'm like that's not equal to sexual assault annoying is not the same as sexual assault right but isn't annoying a sign of being a clueless [ __ ] and is clue as [ __ ] a sign of being selfish and isn't being selfish the type of person he's [ __ ] he's also drunk and he said he was getting aggressive to the cops he said it was getting a little aggressive and then they have like some 911 foot like video like not video audio of him like her going put your [ __ ] dick away put your dick away get out of here but acquitted wow and what did he do well who cares what do we [ __ ] TMZ yeah but you know what man there's a real problem when you have sexual urges yeah idiots and alcohol all those things together Al adds to it yeah adds to it but also being an idiot you know you're not a sexual assaulter yeah you wouldn't you know you wouldn't hold someone down and do something creepy to them if you were drunk there's that one time I was junk making out with Amy kerer in college just a friend just kissing and stuff and I was like come on trying to get in her pants she goes no no like kissing was as far as it was going to go right and I was like come on she's like no no come on stop um and then I got up to like as a joke to like lock the door like hey locking the door we're doing this and then as soon as I lock the door I took one step back I'm like oh this seems oh yeah unlock the door open it up this seems this seems weird it's not even funny yeah it's yeah but we've all been in that situation where a girl's like no and you're like please yeah but but what about please yeah but it doesn't work sometimes some guys are [ __ ] what do I mean it doesn't work sometimes it never works to beg for [ __ ] sometimes does oh and they just give it to you out you ever heard of the sympy handob time when a girl says okay oh yeah like yes finally stop fighting yeah okay but only put it in my ass what what I've been blessed by the gods yeah but but you add like idiocy sexual urges and alcohol is a [ __ ] terrible terrible terrible combination but it's everywhere that's the weirdest thing about people is like the worst
combination of drugs to dating is what you get I mean good in that it's a social lubricant people relax have a couple drinks loosens up the vibe you might get a little loose and silly and have fun and be more more likely to fool around but not you know at a certain point you got to realize that that's not everybody it's like we were talking about earlier in the podcast that I don't know what happens to some people when they drink but I've seen it yeah you you see it yeah they've seen that switch that goes off and they're not there anymore it's not you you don't do that I don't do that but we all know guys who do do that yeah one of them's got a portrait in the bathroom yeah one maybe it's one out of 10 you know whatever it is when you see that man you know that that guy shouldn't be drinking boo around women if he has a sexual urge cuz it's it's just going to be a disaster yeah but that's the drug of choice that's what you get if you go to a bar you don't get an option hey woman you can take ecstasy yeah [ __ ] yeah can you imagine being a chick and dudes are trying to drug you oh how many girls have you talked to that have been roofied oh a lot right yeah all the ones I hung out with I don't know a lot well the ones I roofied but that doesn't count those [ __ ] [ __ ] had a come a lot of them wouldn't drink it so you know the stats are all skewed wasn't Bill Cosby in trouble for some [ __ ] like that really yeah no way Dr Cosby yeah Bill Cosby second only to Martin Luther King an important black man not really Bill Cosby sexual assault allegations um uh why isn't anyone why doesn't anyone care about the sexual assault allegations against Bill Cosby it's allegations they people agree that like once someone's famous enough we're just not going to care yeah I don't know man I mean who the [ __ ] knows it's true it it also could be just you know it's who knows there's a girl at The Comedy Store claimed somebody raped her and one of the door guys and it was got really weird for a while CU you don't really know who to believe at the same time it's like this is bad you're not going to come out vehemently on on the side of the door guy you know you might be like I'm not going to get involved and and then uh few months later she accused someone else of raping her oh and then
like8 months after that she accused a third person of raping I was like why do you keep hanging out at the rape house I'm starting to believe that maybe this none of this happened yeah well that was um the guy the girl who claimed that Mike Tyson raped her yeah she had made a false allegation she was 18 about another guy I feel like I think you did too M Michael Tyson was that wasn't a good conviction um he probably did a bunch of bad [ __ ] but in that situation it seemed like that girl went back up to his room wanting to [ __ ] she took her panty liner off I don't know what happened I don't want to speculate because I wasn't there who the [ __ ] knows yeah you wen't that but there's a lot of [ __ ] going on when when you have someone who's got a false allegation it's like the problem is the Duke players they all L way worse it's way worse to rape someone than it is to falsely accuse someone of rape in my opinion it's worse because the rape is a violent crime falsely accusing someone of rape although horrific in my idea my hierarchy of crimes is slightly lower what if the same amount of violence happened to you because of then it's the same crime like if you go to jail and then guys rape you because you rap if the punishment for for rape is is a just punishment if it's like okay that's about right you know like that eight months for per snatching I'm like that's too that's too much whoa whoa hold on hold on hold on hold on 13 women said cos accus Bill Cosby of drugging them with what pops Jello boing oh my God 13 that's a lot this is insane where there's smoke there's 13 fires wow that's amazing that's a lot yeah I mean who knows what the [ __ ] happened but you know and I don't want to be callous about it I'm not I'm just saying who knows cuz I don't know but that don't look good be kin about it Brian yeah go Bill Cosby's [ __ ] glistened understand in the sun Hawks with land on it comes out you know mean it just makes its own ruies you don't you don't even understand they weren't drugged they were [ __ ] to sleep it's a different thing you're being callid about it I like that that's what he would say right yeah Joey Diaz would probably a similar
thing Bill Cosby ain't drugging any those [ __ ] he just gives them that sweet thick that candy Jello-O pudding cupet pop yeah that's not a good amount of that's not a good number I almost saw him recently lot I went yeah they were telling everybody keeps telling me you got to go see him live you got to go see him live you had to be there for experience of like that was fun like childhood like well also they say he's really good people were [ __ ] on a special and people like how can you [ __ ] on a special as a legend like cuz we're not [ __ ] on his on his legacy we're [ __ ] on this one special yeah that's how you can say everything he does is good now he's definitely a a good he's definitely a great Artist as far as like his his the bulk of his standup comedy history he's a great he's a million right now like who cares he's not a perfect he's a great great comedian for the longest time yeah I didn't watch his new one though I watched a little bit of it on Comedy Central and I never got a chance to see it in Vegas I was with too many people I too scared scared to go see it live so no to watch The Comedy Central thing cuz you'd hate it I got enough respect for him I don't need to watch it yeah but do you have more or less respect for him if he drugged 14 chicks that seems that seems like if his special sucks that's not nearly as disappointing it's like you got to be more honest on stage if that's what you're going to really do you got to deal with that from your act could you imagine if like he's like this squeaky clean guy but just dirty drug and chicks and like that Price is Right guy not Price is Right what show is that Family Feud what what did he do the the high eight cameras wasn't that the movie High eight oh no no no no no Hogan's Heroes yeah Hogan's Heroes yeah yeah yeah the other guy who was on Hogan T was the host of The Family Feud oh went on to it remember say the the British guyes yeah no no no before him British guy yeah I don't remember oh yeah I remember that guy he was the original guy yeah he was the original guy yeah I don't know yeah who the [ __ ] was that his name is what was that dude's name Jamie Richard Dawson Richard Dawson Richard Dawson who always kiss the [ __ ] ladies yeah remember he was in Hogan's Heroes that's
why he kissed ladies because he was so a [ __ ] horn dog they were just [ __ ] evidence from that movie that's him that's him yeah Richard Dawson he's a British P says that's right look at him slinging dick with that [ __ ] beautiful vest on I got a suit made with a threepiece like that I saw I saw you I retweeted it your pimp ass photos from no I retweeted you uh Bruce Le yeah that one got the most like favorites I've ever gotten retweeted that what were you doing to his dick yeah and I just like angled it so I was like right in his dick that's in Hong Kong that was in Hong Kong he is he like the biggest star to ever come out of Hong Kong International I got to believe so imagine the other Chinese dudes like what the [ __ ] do I have to do this doesn't make any sense two guys ever Jet Lee and him that's it that's it oh Jackie Chan whatever three guys some guys like I invented tables I can't get a [ __ ] footnote oh look at you balling yeah those the guys who made it how long did that take you go once they measure you you pick out a fabric they measure you rhs told me about it they love him his head shot's on the wall there that's hilarious that guy's been there for 30 years Rocky the guy on the left wow your left or his uh yeah that guy the um the the guy in the blue shirt yeah Rocky yeah 30 years yeah how old is he looks like he's 80 he's like 60 something so he's been there since he was 30 yeah his son's there wow and that other guy's been he's doing been doing tailoring for like 45 years yeah they pick out a fabric they measure you and then you come back to the next day to like to like measure it on your body like see what they got to take in and stuff and you come back a couple days later pick up your suit that's what they did for me for the UFC oh the UFC finally told you like we're going to do this for you yeah they they gave up on me handmade suit they just made it for you great won't fit better than that it's kind of tight it is yeah I stopped wearing the jacket the jacket was too much I'm just uh they don't make them for chimpanzees they make them for regular people you get it made for your your [ __ ] garbage can body type garbage can it doesn't work doesn't the jacket
doesn't work the clothes work fine although they're a little tight it's weird it's like a stretchy fabric so it doesn't feel bad that it's tight yeah the moves real good but you know wow it's like that there's like a slim look that people wear in these days slim trimmed sort of I pass those people in like in like the Lowery side I'm like God damn it you look good those suits like the one button and like [ __ ] black man and like [ __ ] cool suits like Jesus slick suits chicks that [ __ ] walking around with those stupid shoes on they like that oh yeah the stupid shoes slippery uncomfortable slippery shoes oh those are so ridiculous they try to get me to wear those the slippery shoes i'm like [ __ ] why you never even film my feet I should wear sneakers you should wear ratty Chuck Taylor it's good move yeah should but and occasionally they see my feet so do that they show you look like I'm trying too hard oh yeah you know like if you're a comedian you wear Chuck Taylor with a nice suit Jordan Ruben but it's like you're being a comedian you're trying too hard you're like look I'm wacky I'm a wacky guy I had a meeting with a dude once there was a time I don't know if I told you the story there's a time where they were giving out development deals like [ __ ] crazy left and right Mad Money mad money for Comedians and more importantly for writers and this one guy was a writer he was a writer on like friends and he got a crazy deal a crazy and it was for with like I think it was Michael eisner's company wow remember he had some company huge amount of money and an office and they say just we got you for two years give us some ideas yeah and so I had a development deal with uh Fox at the time so they wanted me to meet with this cat so uh I met with this guy to uh work on a sitcom this is post news radio right after news radio ended I got this development deal when you're done with this you got to tell another story so I go tell another story yeah okay you going to tell me what it is you're write it down okay so um I go um um you freaked me out what was I talking about you got this development deal oh yeah okay so I go in this guy's office um and they gave him this giant [ __ ] development deal they're telling me how amazing he is one of the writers on
friends this guy's incredible turns out he was actually a partner of a funny guy and he was the guy who would write [ __ ] down and there was like a two guy team and this guy got a development deal but he was horrible so I go in to meet with him and he's wearing bowling shoes and I look down I see those bowling shoes why does that work oh he's a wacky guy who wears bowling shoes cuz he's silly don't you get it so this guy's like talking to me about plots and this and that and I'm looking at his bowling shoes you silly silly motherfu and I got out of there susman said the same thing to me he goes you see his shoes he go he's wearing bowling shoes and I go yeah what's up with that he goes he's he's trying wants you to think he's wacky oh who likes wacky wacky guy cuz he was thinking like that's how you become a funny guy you got to walk around B shoes on the script that he wrote was such a massive hunk of [ __ ] oh my good it was about an immortal guy an immortal guy who banged chicks he he like got cursed in Egypt and banged chicks through the end of time like to to the Future and had all these sexual dilemas it was like weird it was so bad it was so it didn't make any sense it was like you would read it and you would go who could have thought this was funny I was in the office with the fox people when they they brought it to me and you know they have this like did you like did you read it and we have this meeting I go yeah did you read it and they go yeah I go I [ __ ] told you I'm like I told you and they're like well I mean it's important what he's really good at his story structure what the [ __ ] do you mean by that you just said nonsense what he's really good is story structure on a sitcom the idea is that like maybe you comedians know how to make things laugh make people laugh but what you don't know is how to structure a story like like nobody really cares about the structuring the story when they say stuff like that like story structure you know what they just sing words that sound probably won't know what this means so I'll just say it so you w argue with me well there's guys who know how to write movies or books that are really good sture guys right 24 yeah that's hard as [ __ ] hard as [ __ ] really good at structuring stories they spent a ton of time on it but a sitcom is about being funny stories are important but funny
stories are like Larry David was the master of of that you know cuz he would he knew how to make a funny th through line it's funny the the idea itself lesson hilarious yeah exactly yeah I went up for an audition for some for some part if I told you this but I I I read it you know it's some best friend character and uh the casting director was like um okay uh that was good only my only note you you didn't do any of the lines you told me this I was like oh yeah those lines are terrible I can't I cannot do those I was supposed to go out for the same role yeah that's hilarious I read it and I was like get the [ __ ] out of here here they're making a big push through the comedian Community yeah it got to me and I was like cuz I'm not I'm out completely out of the loop I don't audition for things I don't want to act I don't have any desire so when it comes to me it's coming to me completely out of the blue like I'm not I don't put myself out in that world the only person I've ever acted with is Kevin James because we're friends in the the last decade plus so I was like well maybe it's just really good and you read it it's like it ain't good and then I heard what you did and I was like that's that's how to handle it I asked manag was like Hey I said yes before I read it so now can I just [ __ ] around have fun or should I just not go like how how do you want me to handle it I don't want to get you in trouble with the cing director she goes AR I'm never going to tell you not to do what you want to do wow agent like yeah it's good Agent yeah but that's how they make a piece of [ __ ] sitcom you just wonder how you take a funny guy and make a [ __ ] terrible sitcom with him so hook him up with some shitty writer who just whips it out in a week who doesn't care about it at all some [ __ ] wearing bowling shoes thinking he's wacky well that's the beautiful thing about being a comic about detaching yourself from that ridiculous system like for the longest time we were all taught that we had to get a sitcom what you want to do you have to get a sitcom you have to get a sitcom yeah put together an act get get your seven minutes together you just want to go on the road just that's the only way you're going to go on the road and have a draw
put a put a sitcom together yeah that was the thing man that's we we always were taught that yeah and then suddenly you're like I just lost faith in television like stopped even caring it was like a girl you're trying to [ __ ] all the time she doesn't want to [ __ ] you after a while it's like I'm not even mad at you I just you're irrelevant I just stopped thinking about you well one thing that I owe Dane Cook yeah for sure is that Dane Cook inspired me to use social media you could do this without without the TV the the approval of some guy well he inspired me to um to use like social media in a promotion way I never used it before but I saw the results that he got which were insanely good Myspace he got results from performances for sure but he also got results because the fact that he had so many Myspace friends he capitalized on on those results of the shows capitalized so hard on them yeah fascinating completely fascinating so that got me like really into Myspace which got me really into Twitter which got me i' always had a message board but that's also when Brian and I started working together and he started creating videos and that also oh yeah message board was nice but it's not the same everybody yeah it's not the same that that the message board is very exclusive shouldn't say exclusive but you know limited but once you see he showed the way a little bit where it's like guys we don't need them anymore we could do some of it our own he was the first guy to break through and when I saw it I was like I was looking at what he created by by breaking through like that and and then I started seeing I was like oo there's going to come a point in time maybe it's now maybe it's in the future where all it's going to matter is how many people you can connect with online like what whatever you can create that people whether it's a one of those videos that Brian used to do or whether it's a blog entry or whether it's a standup comedy clip or whether it's a podcast which didn't even exist back then yeah by the way I have a podcast called tank man suck it everyone should check it out it's pretty fun but that was one of the things that led us to doing those Justin.tv those Jus yeah those the first kind of podcasts we did uhuh turn on in the green room we used
to do these I used to have a thing that connected to my laptop that would like stream the internet from my from like a cell phone it's a long time ago oh really how you got it oh yeah we didn't have Wi-Fi in like the the cob Green Room oh it was a long time ago it was when cell phone data was first starting to making its way to laptops with like these little USB things and then they started making some like think pads some certain cell phone or some certain laptops that had Cellular Connections built into them so they had a Wi-Fi cellular data like I have an iPad that's a Verizon iPad it's synced up to Verizon so even if there's no Wi-fi I could still get on I could still like wow you know look at websites and [ __ ] like that I love it it's really cool it's really cool yeah that's nice yeah it's nice it's it's it's way better than like trying to look at something on your phone you could look at it on your W on your iPad you know it's like a real website but back then when we were in that room and we were doing we were streaming it from that little clunky USB thing that would stick in there that start all all started off because of D cook he wasn't doing that at the time he wasn't doing that but he did something online that I thought was extraordinary I tell Comics too I'm like when they're like if startone got a podcast not going to be big it's it might not be big and it almost definitely won't but keep doing things to move forward you'll get a couple fans yeah but how it's not going to make massive it could easily be big if it's good the beautiful thing about podcast is that it's about Merit like look at Joey Diaz perfect example Joey Diaz is not famous for anything other than being awesome it all came from him being awesome it didn't come from movies it didn't come from TV shows it didn't come from anything else and he did a lot of those things did all those things Joey Diaz got famous for podcast from people realizing what a funny [ __ ] guy he is just from being awesome and that that wasn't available man when I when when Dane Cook popped out of the scene that was when I first became aware like whoa the Internet isn't just for looking at stuff it's for putting stuff out I love it you don't need app anybody's approval anymore your stuff give it to your fans
give it to whoever they can't take that back them it's over and the way we use it is very unique too because we all support each other and we tweet each other the [ __ ] and we pump each other up we we we do shows together like you me Duncan Diaz redband Eddie Bravo everybody's all connected in this little thing and because of that because of that connection it's like it makes like for an even bigger Force like an even bigger impact you know like tripley's [ __ ] CD was number two on iTunes man it was great great he was so happy he was so happy took the gun out of his mouth for like a week and a half [ __ ] yeah a whole week and a half yeah yeah happy super happy and also he sees the at the end of the tunnel you know when something like that happens finally I'm okay I can get a little bit of like [ __ ] headline all over the place on the road now he did Edmonton we did Edmonton the week before he did uh the River Creek Casino with me then he went back and packed that comedy club the next week yeah I was wondering that the first couple times I did it with you where it wasn't like the next week but it was like within some time and I'm like well let's call the club owner make sure they're okay with it because we already had this thing booked you know but then a couple of them like yeah it's okay and then you realize you're telling way more people mhm yeah and so a lot of people will just come back and you're going to kill in front of those 2,000 people at the river cre and they're going to tell their oh we went to see this guy Ari shafir holy [ __ ] was he funny oh my God he's at the comedy club club if you get 30 people extra a show they're like thank you so much here's some extra money yeah they're so happy yeah and a club like that that consistently gets 's a good room good people yeah like Brian call was there we were on the plane and Adam Hunter was there Adam Hunter was there yeah I was going up to Edmonton a couple weeks ago and I ran into Hunter on a plane oh that was for the hunting yeah H yeah and Hunter was up there doing that comedy club call was there the we Hunter was up there no Adam Hunter oh oh Adam Hunter the comedian just got the hunter to do I had to five minutes a good club I've heard it's a great Club that's owned by the same
people who talked me out of jail time at Mall of America really yeah they talked you out of it they got you uh yeah when I was when I when I did to hide the edible there they so they allegedly wasn't really H the Edo's fake yeah right we're not on trial dude this is the internet government man I'm concerned I'm concerned about the future I had a conversation with someone about this today yeah someone who's uh talking about uh medical marijuana and uh marijuana being legal in Colorado and you know so I was Jus selling pop Brown in the Rockies games till the fourth inning wo amazing right yeah isn't that incredible um so what did he say worried about 2016 why because of uh a couple things the conversation went like this we were talking about all this [ __ ] that's going down in Iraq and I said that if Iraq gets really ugly and things start happening like really bad and then someone blames Obama and they blame Democrats and they blame weakness oh I see it switching over this time and then people dissatisfied with Obama so Hillary doesn't have a chance then it could go Jeb Bush style and then it could go John Ash style and then that same type of thinking it's like Chris Christie style that tries to like medical marijuana will never be legal in my state Marijuana will never in my state children are losing they're dying out there their [ __ ] brains are rotting their feet are exploding inside their shoes their dicks are falling off they these guys they're all like in that sort of vein like when you when a Chris Christie in 201 [ __ ] 14 is spreading disinformation is a guy who's what do he dis crazy [ __ ] about cannabis and the effects on the human Mar I heard Nancy Grace has been super into pot for the last like six months has she been yeah she got super she she left doing pot she smokes it constantly she making that up yeah but maybe she might she's probably lighting up she probably realized she's got to get out of that business it's bad karma she's in the business today she talking about the crime spree in Denver oh the crime spree is here like what are you talking the crime spree is here it's made its way to Florida directly propor they um what this guy that I had this conversation with the conversation was worried about what happens in 2016
because if 2016 snaps over and becomes super Republican and then you know things sort of go in and out pendulum yeah I mean look they had the 60s he's worried what will happen if we goes Super Republican yeah you had the 60s then you had the 70s and you had 80s which was Nancy Reagan just say no I mean that's all within two decades this is your brain on drugs remember all that [ __ ] seems like when it snaps back to it snaps back harder they don't go moderates they go like hard and people like that's doesn't work goes super hard Democrat then goes Super and then eventually one of them will just win or power to Outlaw the other one'll burn the Rog it'll be over or the aliens attack the aliens land and then we realize remember when Ronald Reagan said that what do you you never remember that uhuh Ronald Reagan gave the speech that all the wacky UFO dudes always point to as evidence that the alien invasion is imminent it was Ronald rean talking about how quickly we would abandon our differences if we faced a threat from an alien world yeah and when he said it people were like what the [ __ ] did you just say like it is an interesting way there's no way he was say that other than if there was aliens sort of he was putting things into perspective I mean it is kind of we would realize that we are citizens of the world if we were facing a threat From Another World we would it would be Us Versus Them the ultimate US versus them oh yeah it' be Planet versus Planet pull pull that up Jamie because it's quite fasc R's view of the world later was like Earth comes together so it's a French region but that's it listen to this though it'll freak you out perhaps we need some outside Universal threat I occasionally think how quickly our difference worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world and yet I ask you is not an alien force already Among Us what could be more alien to the universal aspirations of our peoples than War and the threat of War that's a great goddamn speech by the way you know Ronald Reagan was an old [ __ ] and he he he died confused and selling arms to Iran and allegedly forgetting about it he's one of the good Republicans right who knows depends on who you ask yeah I guess so back then he wasn't loved I remember when I was a kid
when Ronald Reagan was President people [ __ ] hated him oh really oh my god oh wow they hated him especially towards the end they hate all the guys all the presents somebody off J do you know who Jimmy tingle is no Jimmy tingle yeah the the political comic political comic and back then in Boston he was just starting to become political he was in a tape of like expose at the com store not expose but just like new Comics here's that shows new comedy night and Doug Benson was on it just eating it it was hilarious I mean he was just starting he was just starting how how many days had you been into comedy had he been yeah he must have just less than a year less than a year yeah and he was on a tape yeah and then you got our Hall cuz he's watching with mity in the back he goes sometimes you just I forget what he something like Long's like you just don't got it go home go home he said that about dou Bon well they cut it to make it seem like that I don't know wow that's dark it was pretty funny but Jimmy tingle had the best job 2020 that was 2020 it was on 2020 yeah what was it about The Comedy Store oh it was just on the comedy people and Doug Benson was up there bombing on 2020 I mean he recovered he recovered nicely recovered very well he did very well but Jimmy tingle was on there too hey if I was examp somebody who's a little bit more eaten a plate of [ __ ] up there too if you jumped at the chance to be on 2020 though sure jump and ate a fat pile of [ __ ] fat pile um Jimmy tingle had this great joke about uh when Ronald Reagan got in trouble for that he was um he was testifying in front of Congress and they said uh you know do you um did you sell arms to Iran and he was like I do not recall that was the best way of not lying and tingle yeah and tingle goes Mr President when you sell arms to people who hate us jot it down he goes write a note put it on your refrigerator it's like in that heavy heavy Boston accent funny really funny there's Jimmy tingle is how many uh he's got 1 1536 tweets he's following 11,000 people more people should follow him who's a funny [ __ ] guy he got more more followers than followers there you go oh here's what I could tell you to say tell them the story of how you got that First Development deal what susman
did um suman's a wizard yeah I uh had a a development deal to do an offer to do a show on MTV and how much was that offer Joe I don't remember I don't really remember the money the story I heard I think I remember it being like $500 it wasn't much where it's like a technical amount but it wasn't like it wasn't much it was somewhere around that it wasn't much at all it was like they give you money for a week to do this pilot it was really cheap and then if you did that pilot you were locked up for like years like it was you locked up for like some long-term contract so um susman yeah decided to uh take my tape and then he send it out to all these different development companies like you know NBC CBS yeah well he's just a wizard when it comes to planning [ __ ] so he sent this thing out and said hey this guy's about to sign a development deal for MTV um if you want to uh do something with him you got to act now so you create like this demand yeah and then all of a sudden my phone was ringing off the hook I I had to leave my apartment I couldn't stay in my house cuz people were calling me they were sending me saying saying they're were going to send a flight out for me you're going to fly out of LA tonight and uh meet us in or fly out of New York tonight meet us in LA in the morning and uh we have a 10: a.m. morning meeting with you know this guy at this executive and this [ __ ] Network this [ __ ] thing like it was craziness right so I talked to susman S goes don't answer to the phone just go to the pool hall I'll call you there I didn't even have cell phone back then no one had cell phones this is 19 1993 right yeah so I um I I take off I go to the pool and within two days it just gotten completely crazy and then uh I think like a couple days after that I had a development deal with Disney Disney won out and the next thing you know I was [ __ ] flying out there and talking these guys yeah flying to LA and talking to these people Gary Valentine stayed in my hotel room with me cuz Gary was uh out here yeah Gary was out here huffing and Kevin James had just won Last Comic Standing so Kevin Kevin James everyoneon Last Comic Standing not Last Comic Standing excuse me Star Search Star Search Star sech um Kevin Won star search so it was like a big deal over
his OnStar he definitely won a few rounds whatever it was maybe he won it I don't know um he was [ __ ] he was really good Kevin James a very underrated comic very underrated standup at the time he was killing it man he was killing he doesn't do it much anymore because he does a lot of movies oh a lot of movies but anyway um so yeah within you I got $150,000 that's hilarious development deal what 150 150,000 yeah wow 150 Grand and went from being broke to $150,000 the craziest thing ever and then from then he just used their ability to like not be able to decide for themselves like oh somebody else likes you hold on well he was also pissed off because uh the executives at MBC or uh MTV rather they had this idea and the idea was that they had created Stars so they're like they did it with Dennis leer and Dennis leer left yeah and so they're like we're not going to do that again like we create Stars if you come with us you're going to make it'll make you famous we don't have to pay you so they didn't want to pay much money yeah still their thing it's like no no we make like sometimes shows you a member this that listen that [ __ ] boat has sailed that boat is gone it's not in the harbor you can't even see it on the horizon that's a joke there's a million [ __ ] cable channels now the idea that your one network is valuable is preposterous back then it was valuable because there weren't that many [ __ ] channels there was no History Channel just Discovery channel sci-fi Spike TV all that [ __ ] didn't exist so MV uh [ __ ] Netflix now there's Xbox is starting their own channel it's over it's over Direct TV has their own shows back then it was like MTV had remote control and MTV created Jenny McCarthy yep and they they created Chris Hardwick a lot of people forget that oh yeah with that Jenny McCarthy show he was the [ __ ] guy he was on it with uh and for the longest time Jenny McCarthy was the famous one and Chris harder was the one that nobody knew who the [ __ ] he was and he vanished W now he's humongous now Chris work is balling because of the podcast world yeah he's took over the podcast world and the Nerds that's Chris Chris Hardwick yeah with Jenny McCarthy and some chick who's got a nice ass very nice car Electra Carmen Electra pow that's what I'm talking about that's a
booty for the ages car was on that show yep oh wow look at Chris har there yeah this is all when I was an open micer this [ __ ] was going on he had a good joke when he when we were in open mics together when he was still drinking he go this weekend I learned something at a wedding it's never okay to spill beer on a baby oh it's true yeah it's true what was that other show MTV remote control remember that yeah remote control that made Colin Quinn yeah Sandler it didn't really though it made Adam Sandler Colin Quinn people didn't know who he was from it didn't even really make S live made him it got them known to be on S live got him a little Fame where's Ken Ober remember that guy he was he do remote control oh he died oh congratulations he died in 2009 wow [ __ ] Verizon will not turn on my internet service wow in New York di 52 complaining of headaches chronic chest pain flu like symptoms really yeah wow heart attack I don't know man that's [ __ ] look at Colin Quinn there holy [ __ ] where is he on the far right who's the guy laying down probably contestant maybe wow that's crazy remote control that was big MTV show and it was supposed to be taking place in like Ken ober's basement like that he the idea was that his his parents had a basement he always wanted to have his own show so he put his show together oh really yeah something like that hilarious yeah they had a show with the the chick from The Brady Bunch it was a talk show called obber and Olen really yeah Dennis ly was uh on remote control too that's what launched him wow yeah and then MTV started doing these things with him all these little promo Clips hilarious promo yeah and that's sort of what made him and then you know Showtime special whatever it was Showtime HBO whatever the [ __ ] is special look at that [ __ ] Adam C orand Adam Sandler look at the girl's hair behind him that's interesting wow that's like from his show that 80s show The Wedding Singer God damn the 80s were weird that is so weird look at the 80s man yeah what year was this [ __ ] 89 I think 1887 don't guess son you're in front of a [ __ ] computer how dare you I'm looking at a picture but don't guess
don't guess always look it was in syndication 89 to 90 really yeah it ran for Five Seasons from 87 to 1990 they had five seasons in three years I don't know how you do that but MTV Seasons yeah MTV's first original non-musical program wow wow really mhm new episodes were made for first run syndication how do you convince an executive like hey I want to do something in your network that you just don't do I don't know well they do any music break it up a little bit the people that I talked to that were over there they wanted to break it up a bit oh you know who it also made who Carrie wor you remember her Carrie she is still hot she's 47 well that picture has an age yeah look at the picture that's her now no that's her from back then but if you see there's a picture of her now on Wikipedia God she's cute she's still hot she's got that uh sexy mil thing going on kapow kapow say shap game rev is that her now yeah yeah it looks like that's her today damn still in shape still in shape powerful Carrie where were her were her I was on um Politically Incorrect with her oh really way back in the day like in 19 90 something I think I think it was like I want to say I I want to say it was the Fear Factor days but it might have been before that it might have been the news radio days I'm not even sure I know I was on at least once yeah there's Carrie Carrie I don't even know who she is I don't remember her at all she's hot as [ __ ] dude look you back in the News Radio Days sexy as [ __ ] full headed hair almost almost full starting to go those kind of shirts too I love those big over theow yeahor that I think was the news radio days and then after that was the uh I did it again on Fear Factor oh that shirt no no no no that show Politically Incorrect that was before uh he got in trouble remember he got in trouble for saying that we're cowards for [ __ ] launching Miss that's why I lost respect for him why' you lose respect for him not for cuz he didn't stand out for it no cuz when I saw him this first show on on HBO afterwards he like cursed and he goes this is why we wanted to come here this is why I wanted to get off Network and
come here it's like [ __ ] you got thrown off quit pretending like you were responsible for that you begged for your job back what are you dude he's a rebel the [ __ ] are you talking about do you not know he's a rebel he's a reverent that's what I like about him the most he's a reverence uh dude he's a rebel okay [ __ ] Verizon made me wait three times all day long for goddamn technicians who never showed up what does that have to do with Carrie warw nothing I just keep thinking about it you're all Angry bro supposed to come on Saturday Verizon vering internet are you [ __ ] you're really angry at them right now yeah it's the worst and you call them you're like so I get so angry at like the customer service I know they're not to blame but it's like [ __ ] what time are they going to be stop saying you're sorry stop it it's an insult 3 days I've given up just waiting there for people don't show up so really guarantee will be done to be on by 5:00 p.m. today you're very upset dude you know how you go to someone's page and you uh you know them on Twitter but that they don't follow you and you get sad yeah that's why I just went to Carrie were's page really she's not but I'm not following her so you just remembered her for the first time in 20 years listen easy I'm trying to be nice are you looking at her recent piic no I just followed her on on Twitter put up her recent pic put him up she's pretty man yeah let me see she's hanging in there you know what I saw TV show the other day and Wonder Woman was on it oh you can't put him oh really Linda Carter how is she time is a [ __ ] dude oh time's a [ __ ] time is such a [ __ ] Linda Linda time time see what's become of me yeah look what's become of her you see that chick oh the Bengals girl no not so good really oh no no no no I'm confused she's actually still pretty uh for whatever reason I Associated her with jce uh Grace Slick from uh from Jefferson Starship the tall black lady no that's Grace Jones that was the one who Dolph lungren no no no she didn't date flavor flave got your [ __ ] no no flavor flave was um the the girl used to be married to Sylvester Stallone who's that Bridget NE Bridget neelen yeah oh she was the one who dated Flav FL yeah you're
confusing everybody man I barely know you actors I barely [ __ ] know you that's your legacy um gra slick was the lead singer of je Jefferson Starship I to get a lot of those mixed up yeah gray slick was hot at one point in time but then time's a [ __ ] dude yeah time doesn't wait time gives no [ __ ] time keeps swinging even if you're down time kicks you what's cool being let's wrap it up but this is a come back to the beginning it was cool being at that uh Forbidden City and the Great Wall of China and touching these walls you're like this has been here for a long time yeah what did that feel like it just was this cool Connection to the Past I mean it's not real but it just imagine this like Emperors have been by here and touched this how about the Mongols they built it to [ __ ] fight off the step people that's what they did they built it to separate imagine walking through the forest trudging and marching through the forest up and down mountains it's mountainy forests and then you're getting not even close to their land and then all of a sudden you're like what a giant wall that you could see from space how we get the horses up there oh go around you march three miles like oh guys do we even know which way is the end of this there's no end how long is that wall look at you you sexy [ __ ] with no shirt holding the [ __ ] Chinese flag respect I love taking my shirt off there they do this thing called Chinese bikini they just tuck this up and the men walk around like that why did you like taking your shirt off I love taking my shirt off little sun in me okay yeah all right keep put keep your clothes on fit we with me here so yeah I walked out to the top PS where people like stop walking and then this one guy's like if you go another this many kilometers that's like Tower 23 it's as far as you can go and I was like fine guess I'm doing it so you walked all the way to the end it was so hot and so humid and so many steps it regular shaped steps it was so hard how long is the Great Wall like what is the total distance dude we got up somewhere we got up somewhere near to bogging to get down okay let's find out but yeah it's the only man-made object viewable from space the Great Wall of
China Jesus Christ 5,500 miles this isn't that's insane is that right 5,000 what 5,500 miles is that right longer than the United States of America it goes up and gets windy too it goes up and over things is that really right maybe oh my God what kind of undertaking was that that's like some pyramid level [ __ ] right you really think about it yeah it's 8,850 km which is 5 it's not just a straight up wall this what Le to stand there there's there's ADLs so you can stick your arrow through and fire down without getting shot Christ it's all Built Well that's so crazy I didn't know it was that long it goes on forever I figured it was like 100 miles that's what I thought in my head I was like 100 miles probably that seems like long enough that's the not so great wall that's a wall look how far it goes that's crazy oh my God we're looking at a map right now it's uh greater Great Wall that's what it says is that what it says length announced by China 2009 extended sections making it bigger guess what why would they keep building a wall they do this a lot where they go uh we're going to redo all this stuff we're going to upkeep it and they just replace the wood they replace the the stuff they just like as if someone was still living here we're just going to keep it keep it going wow that's weird and they just it shows like date built and then date renovated will'll be like 45 years ago right but why would they extend it I don't know make it more of a I don't know is it a tourist trap is that what it is they're extending it for for more tourist traps yeah I went outside Beijing wow what else Jesus why else would they do that it doesn't make any sense did you know that South Korea was smooshed up against China like that where is look at that oh right over there jeez that's an insane like it's so much bigger than Korea it's [ __ ] huge I can't believe the wall was that big maybe they just hate Pink Floyd tell me no [ __ ] I'm build it up even years after this is relevant as a Defense Force building [ __ ] you did you um ever see the renovations they're doing to the Sphinx no what are they doing it's kind of sad putting their nose back on no they're doing they they fix up the feet and [ __ ] and they're
they're patching up the body but they're not really what they're doing is they're building their own version of it oh really yeah because they're covering over the Sphinx like they're making the feet all smooth like Jamie pull up the actual stone has something to it yeah this is what's been here not the design this is what's been here this object it's just a really soft Stone and it's like it's all worn out [ __ ] Thousand Years fall down yeah no [ __ ] but they don't do that see how long it lasts on its own look at these pictures cuz it's kind of it's kind of gross because what they're doing is they're making the feet all smooth and [ __ ] and like the where the paws are was totally irre Jamie let's go to the videotape I'm trying survey says what do you uh I found a page was Egyptian and just look up images do a Google search on images as Jamie instead of failing why don't you not fail how about you don't fail you [ __ ] look at see the right hand corner look that that [ __ ] is all just renovation that's not what the feet originally looked like what is it what do they go over it see all those little bricks yeah the it was originally carved out of one unique set of stone oh they're just putting new bricks on yes smoothing it all out it was what's called a yardang what a yardang is is something that comes up out of the desert and then they shape it it's like comes up out of the ground like a a rock structure would be bricks mhm exactly it's so stupid like back back see if you can get some other photos of it you can see the full like before yeah see if there's that but there's a full image of the Sphinx where you could see it from a distance and you you get a real sense of like that one in the right hand corner you get a real sense of what a Travis that is what they're doing is really kind of [ __ ] up because what they're doing is it's just too bad they're making their own [ __ ] like those feet are not the original Sphinx feet they're all smooth and Bricks all over them the rest of the Sphinx used to be like everything below the head all jacked up [ __ ] up what did they make the Sphinx ward off some like demon or something no no no well the the thing the thinking is rather that originally it was a lion and that one of the pharaohs one of the
Pharaohs was like [ __ ] that lion head make that [ __ ] my head because the face is fairly African so they believe that it took place after the Nubians conquered Egypt because there were two different types of people that were ruling in Egypt wow they were the spartic people The Original Egyptian people which are always depicted as you know like Arab looking folks like Cleopatra was always depicted that way or you know Arabic a little bit Stacy Dash well they actually look kind of strange you know like have you ever seen like what Tuton common really looked like a recreation of Tuton common no ooh it's weird yeah weird weird head man he's got is he had like an elongated skull his whole family had elongated skulls and they had um uh sculptures that were drawn of him that was what that was a recreation of what he looked like but that doesn't look as weird as when you see a side profile see you find it he died super young too I think he died like common yeah like 17 or 18 or something but like look at what his skull look like like they were freaks man damn yeah and I don't remember who his father was see if you can find out who his I think his father was uh I want to say Tut Moses but I might be wrong oh but whoever his father was like the chicken from kids in the hole Yeah a aanan yeah that that was what it was and aanat had this very strangely shaped head and they have these sculptures that were created of aanat and I mean he looks like a goddamn alien look at look at it look at what he looked like look at his [ __ ] head and they don't know if whether or not it was that was a result of head binding or oh yeah maybe it was that could be but it would also could be some weird genetic uh you know issue that some of those guys had and that's one of the reasons why they headbound in the first place to try to recreate that that it might been oh right you know like some people have like strange lips some people have big Jaws some people have you know they might have just naturally had weird shaped heads and they became bad [ __ ] and then they all inbred there was a lot of that going on a Royal Blood [ __ ] other Royal Blood play Florida state had a head like that
Bob surra maybe that way yeah it was all weird in the back looked like the the alien from pemy look at their head hold on was that that's the skull of that's his real head cotton cotton wow that's Tuton common is that Tuton or aanan the jpeg says it's aanan h was Tuton K and akan was not the same guy no that's a crazy [ __ ] head though look at his head it's like an extra three inches wide or long rather stop right there so strange so who was the dude no it wasn't Bob stur it was a black one Black Bob sur's head no it wasn't it was this black player he played with at Florida State that went to the pros afterwards and he shaved his head [ __ ] I forgot where he played and you had a crazy shaped head crazy shaped head what would you do if you had a crazy shaped head and you had your head not shave my head but what have you had do what if you're a black guy and you're going bald black guys can't rock like the side like uh you know yeah doesn't you know you can't have side hair and bald on top look like a Christmas wreath doesn't look good yeah what do you do I don't know do you think they do something about that they put like implants in there to shape the back of your head better no well think about all the [ __ ] they do do think about all the [ __ ] they do for like the straight in their hair I read an article recently about South Korea yeah and the uh the thing about South Korea oh my God it's crazy they it's so common that they do it in China too girls are getting their eyebrow eyeballs done it's like a write of Passage you got to cut them so you can have like an over lip on your on your eyebrows on your like eyelashes whatever that's called eyelids over lip it's like ours fold over oh yeah theirs don't fold over oh [ __ ] so they want to get them to look like they fold over so they get the surgery what do they look like with their eyes closed I think normal with their eyes closed and then when it's up it's like there's no like lip you know how that like folds over on the top yeah in South Korea I think Bobby's mom got that surgery Bobby Lee yeah she's Korean boom my God boom that proves it why doesn't Bobby get it done how weird would that be if all a sudden Bobby Lee had these crazy like like what weird
eyes like your eyes don't belong on you Sam Cassell that's it pull up Sam Cassel Sam Cassell's head yeah he the one that won a Heisman and still played basketball that was Charlie Ward Put up Sam Cassell's head yeah side angle of Cassell look at this [ __ ] yeah it gets rid of their things before and after wow let me see pull up a picture of that dude's face or a head rather that's hard to tell in that picture did you pull up Sam cell's head specifically I'll do yeah do a Google search son learn how to Internet isn't this ridiculous yeah did an amazing job her whole face everything about her face was was different well yeah I mean she became super hot oh so I guess it's worth it it's like one of the rare instances where some of these uh George mir's on head like it's super effective some of these girls you got to get a little more back but that still looks start of ity pretty aanan yeah that's pretty nuts Sam C that's a weird [ __ ] head man that was a weird head son look at this one you want to see a crazy one look at this South Korean transformation I mean this is M look at this but I thought you were showing me that look at this wow wow she went to what to wow yeah look at that what that's crazy pull up some she looks like an old lady and then she looks like an amazing 24 year-old yep she looked disgusting and then hot and it it's clearly if you see the jawline it's clearly the same woman they they must have done a lot of [ __ ] on her look up South Korea eye surgery and you could see that that image there's a bunch of them man it it's super common what's it called there's a phrase for it Saka I don't know that's a good question wow whoa that's nuts she got rid of her chin she's a dime not how I use the word dime like I'm a black yeah like talk I'm a dime son she looks like she has Down syndrome in the first one and then she looks gorgeous yeah she looks like down syndrome wow yeah there's a whole website dedicated it's called 30 startling before and after South Korean plastic surgery pictures wow that's like it's like a advertisement for plastic surgery I guess that's why it's so common look at that look at that one wow cuz it works change your life yeah
really I mean all of a sudden did you hear about that one guy who sued his his wife because his kids were ugly it turned out that she had gotten surgery wow that's rude I think he won too oh yeah hold on man Sue's wife cuz kids were ugly and we end with this yeah yeah we're ugly oh wow the dudes look good too whoa yeah he looks a lot better holy [ __ ] that's incredible man successfully sues wife over ugly children successfully what country America [ __ ] no son okay please a Chinese man divorced his wife and sued her for giving birth to what he called extremely ugly baby girl at first he thought his wife had cheated on him because there was no way a good-looking guy like him could have or even produce such an unattractive is that a real article yeah it's the same lady it's that's that was the image actually it was her that was her what's what's that from arabia. MSN MSN it was MSN and then they showed the image of the chick uh and then the image of the kids and the image of the woman she was stupid hot at the end look at look at how hot she was she's there with him so he thought he had like the super hottie golly oh look at those ugly kids look at those [ __ ] ugly kids their mouths go down bro they're [ __ ] kids how rude can he take them in for a little Cho and snipping yeah can't do it to babies though oh they'll grow out of it they'll [ __ ] them up imagine a nightmare what an [ __ ] you'd have to be to give plastic surgery to a baby at those fat little son isn't that weird man that's so weird that people are doing that face smile son they're doing it so much that it's it's changing the way like they Envision a woman should look so much so that it's like super common wow super common weird right yeah it's just such a strange thing and so oddly effective too South Korea now has the highest number of surgeries performed per capita overtaking Brazil as the plastic surgery capital of the world Brazil's all ass implants no they don't need any of them as Productions probably South Korean women have become so immersed in Western culture that double eyelid surgery that's what it's called which creates the Caucasian crease many Asians don't
naturally have has become as common as going to the dentist wow okay I got to go to sleep as common as going to the dentist think about that I want you to jerk off and think about plastic surgery in South Korea meanwhile the doctor that does it yeah asan is [ __ ] looking yeah can't do it to himself nope he's not want he's not interested doesn't trust anyone else with lesser Talent him like this is stupid these people are crazy there's no reason for what I can do blend in debunked it's debunked probably false oh it rang untrue to me I don't like it I don't like it it's probably false I feel like I just got ripped off what would you would you uh get that from what debunked it uh the way he was quoting too casually I'm I'm no way with a good-looking man like me yeah probably you're right damn it [ __ ] uh AR fear where can uh the the the ladies and gentlemen see you doing stand up well I'll be in uh Calgary in uh September middle of September at yuck yucks and I guess I'll be in Chicago Calgary yuck yuck I heard for one date on the 26th Calgary's fun dude oh yeah it's great didn't you do Calgary with me we few times a few times saw your rise there those are [ __ ] animals my rise yeah like in like two years you like you sold out like you had trouble selling out that place and next year no press sold out two shows oh that's right that's right years later behind us remember Jack singer Jack singer yeah yeah that was crazy there people behind us remember like they were up above oh yeah to turn around a wave to him like all was that there was that that one yeah that was also the place where they oversold it and they didn't know what to do so they put seats on stage on the stage yeah that's what I mean you remember yeah and like like it's a giant stage we don't need all that room but they were going to not do it they were going to give those people their money back and send them home and so I said well you know I don't like that's it's okay like you want to see them on the stage you can see them on the stage and so there was like a powow and a meeting and they go okay we're going to seat we're going to put the ran out chairs out there there was like 200 [ __ ] people on the stage good Canadian unions they [ __ ] got that [ __ ] set up in no
time how many people were on the stage there was a lot of goddamn people on the stage maybe 200 there was Madness on the stage that was fun man Calgary's good those towns like Edmonton Calgary like there's a lot of oil money those [ __ ] folks have a lot of oil moneyy and they party they party hard they go hard yeah we did uh Lloydminster Lloyd minster is like a mining town the hours from Edmonton that's cool yeah it's like they look they look at Edmonton like oh look at him up in the yeah we on we did a um show in a um hockey rank really yeah Callen Tony hinchcliff and me in a hockey rank in Lloydminster had a great [ __ ] time sound system was kind of dog [ __ ] it was threw me off a little bit yeah it was tough cuz it was echoing a lot and I was on the side when Callum was on stage hear it not being clear I could hear him damn I was on the side and I could barely understand what he was saying and I knew his act man sound people in front got it good [ __ ] yeah matters people want to be like no the crowd's here to have a good time like I know and you're not making them have as good a time as good a time as they could all they had to do was set it up a little bit better put speakers in some different areas but now we know they don't do shows up there yeah it's the thing they're trying to figure it out yeah I you met Harvey the promoter Guy Harvey he's a good dude so we did it up there with him all right this [ __ ] show's over AR shafir this is the second of two podcast cast we did today it's nice seeing you again man it's great see you always brother hey I Soo that couch so we got to go to dinner sometime soon the original couch from the the original Joe Rogan Experience Podcast I gave it to Ari years ago he kept it in his apartment great it was the nicest thing in my apartment for five years easy it's very nice couch yeah and so uh then some dude bought it yeah how much you got for that [ __ ] thing 540 bucks or something we're going to a nice place yeah on eBay dude let's go to like uh Morton's really nice steak and a glass of wine like gentlemen yeah all right let's do it all right uh follow Ari on Twitter Ari shafir a r i s h a FF iir um and you can also get his uh standup comedy what is he you have two standup comedy CDs that are available two comedy
specials that are available no I have one now chill went down so P the guess I guess comedy Central's going to buy and put it up what went down chill the website that did mine and Maria and proops is so you can't buy it anywhere now can't buy it right now what yeah so revenge for the Holocaust is still out but there are illegal downloads that you can find if you go to views player and put in passive aggressive Ari shafir you can probably find a seed for it but revenge for the Holocaust is still C is out yes that's out and the other one is not out not out God damn yeah passive aggressive is just out there in The Ether somewhere we're we're getting it up so you give but but right now they got the green light to hit the torrent yeah okay oh absolutely beautiful green light powerful Green Light all right oh and I have a Storyteller show on Monday at Union Hall but there's only like 40 seats so New York yeah New York oh beautiful miss Pat's doing it oh [ __ ] Miss Pat's going to be on the podcast oh you're going to love her you're going to love her keep hearing that man she's going to be on the podcast on I think she such a nice warm 29th Tuesday 29th yeah July 29th awesome all right you dirty [ __ ] uh we' love the [ __ ] out of you we appreciate you very much and uh as I appreciate it even more after being gone for a week I enjoyed this this is an awesome day all right uh we'll be back tomorrow with the dude from unbox therapy and uh lots of podcasts coming up fight companion on Saturday Brendan sha and me going to watch the fights together all right much love big kiss see you soon oh and my sponsors are awesome ..com