Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXfNAiX9d_Y
I'm ready [Music] Jimmy check it out the joean experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day powerful AR shafir and his threedimensional T-shirt which this it says do mushrooms on it and you can get this at rth great.com uhhuh that's my tour this year it's a do mushrooms tour it's a good tour it's a good name it's a good message it's a it's a it's a good thing you're doing you're doing the Lord's work yeah I'm trying to get the word out for the Lord's product you're doing the Lord's work if there anyone who's ever been doing the Lord's work it's the man who invented shroomfest how many people by the way worldwide participate in shroomfest every year I heard it was over a billion is that true Mr shafir it's that's the last stats I saw we over a billion over a billion what really we're doing fairly well in that regard God that's like how many billions are there definitely that's not most of them but we're getting there there's seven billion people and out of the seven billion people on Earth 1 billion every year participate in shroom Fest you know this year it's August 29th 30th and 31st is it really yeah you so you give it three days yeah M what's ideally for the average shroomer how how many how many trips do they do in those three days oh one just one big find a time to do it yeah oh just one only one yeah you don't like to do like multiple on a weekend I have done that this last room Fest we just kept taking them just three days just in Cabin just [ __ ] going do you ever worry about like being that dude from Pink Floyd that never comes back no I have stopped worrying about that you stopped worrying there's only like barely any guys I've ever seen like that barely any yeah I don't know if it's from that or just mild schizophrenia there's always that right well the the real problem is like what if you have mental illness plus psychedelics if you if you're just a totally normal person you have normal balance levels of whatever hormones your head but then the only if you're prone to so prone to that to um schizophrenia that's the only time I'd be like then
don't if you have it in your family maybe don't yeah I would say if reality is at all slippery uhhuh just hold off on that if you're barely holding on it's like I real get yourself a good foundation but then there's the other problem is if you take a lot of the drugs that people take like even anti-depressants you're not supposed to ever take mushrooms when you taking n not true there's different kinds of anti ask your doctor I asked mine ah ask your doctor I asked mine with ar sha doctors are here for you just tell them what you're doing and then they'll help you like medically through that okay so so I asked them about hey I heard this thing about both m o AI Inhibitors uhhuh and SSRI Inhibitors M so I'm like U uh I heard mushrooms counteract badly with those and he goes and I don't know which one's which but he goes no no that's that one you're taking this type of uh anti-depressant medication oh so it wouldn't it wouldn't interfere at all okay so uh you really should ask your doctor and find out whether or not it's an issue yeah so with you zero issue at all yeah he goes no thing it's like the sometimes they tell you not to tank antibiotics and you have say have to say why right and they go because if it's that the antibiotics won't work anymore then I won't drink but if it's just that it's going to make drinking awesome then I'm going to drink well I've heard heard people that have talking about um taking M maois monoamine oxidase Inhibitors and taking those uh with anything like anything dimethyl tryptamine based whether it'sa or DMT or anything along those lines and it becomes like really potent oh to the point where dangerously potent oh really yeah I think chemical ma r m I'm saying it [ __ ] up m a i monoamine oxid and H the the pharmaceutical versions of it are extremely strong they're really strong and you're not supposed to take anything DMT based with them because that's the whole the whole basis of iasa is um a natural MAOI inhibitor which is called harmine mixed in with the leaves that have the DMT that's why you you can take it in through drinking it sometimes they those things that flood your brains with like it's almost like the inhibitor shut off so it floods your brains you get super happy like ecstasy or some
things like that and then that all drops out and then you're like oh I need I stuff cuz your body sort of St producing dopamine depletion and [ __ ] like that yeah well the exper I mean the Tim Ferris has this statement or this saying which is a really good saying is that uh there are no biological free lunches you know and that everything has a price like you drink coffee then you crash you know you take speed then you come down you know you drink alcohol you feel great then you're hung over it's like in order to achieve these [Laughter] yeah should I go math or should I pull it back well there's a lot of people that are like I am not going through this [ __ ] thing sober oh no why would you not doing it not live all that at all times doing it thank you sir have you have met my mother and father-in-law no thank you I will be [ __ ] up for this this is not a ride that you should take seriously this is a ride you should be sober only when necessary only when like are you doing surgery yeah you should be sober um are you going to Disneyland why are you sober why sober for this what's wrong with you are you gonna somehow another make a terrible decision when you're on the teapots I went yeah spinning around the teacups those things where you spin around so they don't have alcohol at Disneyland huh well they have alcohol at um California Adventure oh and they have the the outside place with all the bars mhm yeah which is like downtown Disney they have alcohol there like regular restaurants it's not like Mor alcohol where it's like 2% 2% beer technically alcohol it's real alcohol they have real alcohol but um inside Disneyland there's apparently only one place where you can get alcohol and it's this place that's above Pirates of the Caribbean and you have to pay like some insane amount of like yearly money to be able to go there yeah you have to spend a shitload of money it cost like 25 Grand a join or something what to be a member yeah what is that it's more than that what is that [ __ ] called Club 33 or something like that yeah something along those lines it's like CEOs of companies didn't dice have Club 43 in his in his basement or something and he wouldn't tell anybody why he called to that maybe that's what it is maybe I finally figured it
out I don't remember you got to know what it is it's 18 more oh like your big fat [ __ ] ass oh dude you know what I was talking about somebody your Diaz impression is one of the best around and we I forgot about we used to have Diaz offs like the Brea Improv these [ __ ] SoCal Mexican Comics thought they had great Diaz and you're like let's do let's do it at the end of your headliner set you remember that [ __ ] but that guy beat me he beat me his DS was better he his mannerisms were awesome Silent Bob Silent Bob he got me he got me my voice might have been a little bit better a little bit more exact he also did the hand thing where it was like this weird like well he was also yeah he was just in the groove he nailed it he nailed hand the cokan the Coan bring people the go next up and he's just like doing that open shut open shut like next up what well he's also just having fun oh this guy that's that's the Joey Diaz mannerisms he had the mannerisms down I had a voice my voice was probably a little bit better than his but he overwhelmed me with his mannerisms he SW he took the title what am I going to say yeah I forgot who won I really forgotten who won yeah oh he beat me I gave it to him I said he won I mean I gave it up I said that's better his is better yeah you know what stuff he says though that sounds like stuff he would say I guess that guy did too well so yeah maybe it's just you beat him was he whatever he deserves to win I forgot about that he's the Joey's the greatest guy that's ever walked the face the planet are these 3D glasses kind of tripping you out a little like a little you have a lot behind you Joe so it's a little yeah the lava lamp is [ __ ] weird yeah the reason why we're wearing these shirts Ari shafir has these 3D T why we're wearing these shirts while we're wearing these goggles these glasses these [ __ ] ridiculous paper glasses we're wearing Ari has these new t-shirts and if you wear these glasses these t-shirts look three-dimensional it's weird that no one's ever figured out a way to make 3D work without glasses oh yeah they have but you go to the movies you always have glasses yeah just make the [ __ ] screen a 3D movie for All Time 3D movie screen yeah but even those 3D screens you have to wear
glasses yeah no [ __ ] shouldn't have toint like the Nintendo saying we live in a horrible our lives are worth in Ethiopia the Nintendo 3DS is an example of a small screen that you don't need glasses and they do have small monitors that you how good is it you used it getting there better is it better than the Game Boy Graphics it's just Game Boy by 3D oh game like when you go to see like top level 3D like Avatar Avatar was the best who who do I see that with oh the at the [ __ ] that one place in the valley like that opening scene with dude is floating around where they're all in that 3D floating around space remember when they're coming out of their pods and he's floating oh W it was like the greatest 3D of all time yeah you're like wow and the islands the floating islands were like what the [ __ ] the floating islands I forgot about that you can't do that without glasses right not to that point yet not to that point I mean it's still kind of small screens and not as good last I checked interesting that somebody even figured out how to do that how to do it yeah separate the red and the blue [ __ ] yeah you figured out how to make people look like they're floating in front of you give this extra dimensional aspect to I remember the olden days when they had those spaceship movie 3DS like when I was like young team like 14 12 something like that and they would the ships would come over you and You' be like what the [ __ ] you'd have to lean back to avoid it I want that 3D none of that [ __ ] 3D they give you now Avatar is great everything else is garbage could you imagine if life was 3D it is it totally is what are you talking about but it's not 3D like that no not like that it's not 3D like that that's 3D in this really weird freaky way where like you see a car accident a mile away and all a sudden it's in your face yeah you was like couple of good 3D movies that that slow motion movie was good in 3D uh what movie was that was like the new Judge Dread or something sensity no it was like super slow motion they gave people the drug they gave were giving out was slow-mo so they give them slow-mo then dump them off this [ __ ] giant roof and they die in like an hour and a half oh God the fall slowmo and then Jack s3d that was the other that was that Avatar
those are the only three movies that have ever like [ __ ] yeah 3D here Works Avatar was insane Avatar was insane when they were flying when they were on those dragons flying around and it was in 3D like God it was like your mouth is open just God it's incredible yeah that's glorious was Godzilla good in 3D I never saw Godzilla all these movies do five at the beginning and three at the end that's all they do and they give you garbage up front recycle this when you're done with it [ __ ] you [ __ ] you I'm breaking it right in front of them so they know oh that's what I do now I'm like let John Lowe's know this isn't acceptable anymore this movie's bad you can't tell us it's 3D as we're going in saying it's going to be another 450 and then [ __ ] nothing five at the beginning three at the end that's all they give you five at the beginning minutes to the beginning of 3D and then the end so you go on your way out they'll throw something garbage at you like oh remember it's 3D no 3D the whole way you forget it cuz you watch movie not even like atmosphere 3D just where like depth nothing it's stupid they're just robbing you it was a little with the canyons and the big bug and the electrical nuclear power supply there was a few moments with the 3D the [ __ ] falling of cranes where in what Godzilla Godzilla yeah do you know the problem with Godzilla was spoiler alert spoiler if you never seen Godzilla too late you're too late shut your cow off on the highway Brian what don't you know about Godzilla it's a [ __ ] Godzilla oh yeah that's true shut the power off on your stereo on your cat going to spoiler alert King Kong for somebody here's the spoiler alert King Kong loses in every movie every movie every movie he never wins He never [ __ ] wins Fight Club type King Kong where he just [ __ ] starts dominating gets right off the statue of whatever he's on the Empire State Building and just goes and [ __ ] smashes him what's up goes underground do you really think our puny bullets can penetrate the [ __ ] great Kong did Godzilla ever fight King Kong mhm well yeah but it doesn't make any sense well they had to change the sizes the size yeah Godzilla was so much bigger King Kong was only 50 feet tall Godzilla was 500 feet tall that's [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah but um King
Kong has black people strength so that overwhelms dare you that overwhelms the bigger Asian how dare you who would you takeing to fight a big Asian Asian he's not a black person he's a gorilla and that's a lizard [ __ ] you oh my God I just I just became a social justice Warrior I give in fought for the right of Freedom I'm on the wrong side I realize being friends with you shafir I'm on the wrong side black people's strength King Kong that's not a person a [ __ ] gorilla justify that he fought even in that fight well because it was a [ __ ] Japanese production oh yeah it didn't make any sense King Kong didn't even look like King Kong if you had that King Kong and the real King Kong in a lineup people would really be able to distinguish between the two of them they'd be like that is not the guy that [ __ ] me it's the guy on the right the little short dude 50 foot guy I don't know that 500 foot tall dude who the [ __ ] is he where did he come from he's 10 times bigger than that other dude I know just swim across the ocean that guy's way bigger than the guy iy know get the [ __ ] out here big as Godzilla did he get hit with radiation or anything no explanation whatsoever just they want you to be stupid cuz it's 1962 or whatever the [ __ ] it was when they made that movie there was no thinking about it what do you what you I'm looking at a picture right now it's so hilarious of King Kong and versus Godzilla because they fighting over a giant cuz King Kong looks just like like just looks it looks ridiculous oh I've watched him dude when I was a kid I [ __ ] loved King Kong I love King Kong and my cousin Mike love Godzilla we even got into fisticuffs at one juncture no way over what King Kong versus Godzilla who would win yeah that's before they had that movie or you both agre that movie both [ __ ] we were both six or whatever the [ __ ] we were five probably were five yeah we were arguing going Knuckles up over who would win Godzilla versus k k we supervised children we totally fought yeah God that's why I was always on Godzilla side I was always on Godzilla interesting moved to New York I finally realized like any sort of racism like I'm any fear-based racism like I'm afraid of black people just became oh I'm just afraid of the youth anyone young they're just Rowdy and they
pushier they just shove they're more likely to shove and say something like settle down young man we were yeah we were talking about that in the previous podcast we were talking about the scariest thing my friend uh Eric Eric crisp of Sugar Tree Q's I think you met him before Eric Chris maybe what city shemer what city he lives in New Mexico okay um he said that teenage boys are the scariest thing on Earth yeah they don't know limits and they're getting strong and they like real cocky they're just coming to their bodies overwhelmed with like testosterone rage and a lot of their versions of the world are based on movies yeah I'll [ __ ] you up come to me it that way I'll I'll die for that really 17-year-old I think you will they say [ __ ] that makes you realize like oh you're just a child you're just a little boy who's like 6 feet tall PA you're this you're exactly they don't know anything 16 years old and you're really strong but you're out there running through the world like a big baby almost you know like unised baby no big strong unsupervised baby who's just learning America's the best that's why [ __ ] fight cuz America's the best right America's the best one guy said it wasn't I [ __ ] beat the [ __ ] out of him that [ __ ] swallowed his teeth he'll he'll learn like no well actually had a point that he was trying to make no [ __ ] him you didn't even hear his point out the point [Music] America yeah that's uh that's the world we live in AR shafir Godly it's tough tough to get it together it's a goddamn mad race we're all deal with dealing with a a a big spreadsheet of genetics that was sort of formulated back avoid them like barking dogs like get out s people's DNA already yeah we're trapped in some 10,000 old [ __ ] murder and rape and Drug ourselves cold syrup did you ever get a hold of the real NyQuil no you never got a hold of real nyall you never took it no oh man did it really [ __ ] you up oh man I remember look when I was on uh news radio like in the late 90s um no way I'd never done any drugs I didn't do anything I would occas Ellen always says that you're like guys but it's not the
way to the [ __ ] top you I thought it made you lazy for real no [ __ ] but um but this was uh this fun you learn new things you're like I was wrong let's go the other way cuz I was wrong now I see it I was so wrong that's what I said about U when I was still a virgin in college I'm like guys it's the same as masturbating all it's not I'm like it's the same you you orgasm that's the same it feels the same and they're like Yeah man so wrong that's so funny it's so true feels considerably better um what was I saying um are used to like the purple stuff no no no no don't make oh robot no it was um wasn't even robot it was that other stuff NyQuil the real NyQuil the real Nyquil with Codine so I I wasn't doing anything occasionally I would drink but even then i' would feel guilty very very very rarely would would try weed you hung on pool HS all the time you never drank uh not much yeah didn't really drink I was trying to be healthy you know that was like you're a fighter too you all I was trying trying to be healthy I was just trying not be a loser um you don't know what it is to be a loser but you're like me just not be that yeah well it's enough to just scare off the Wolves so you've never done drugs or alcohol pretty much and now some gave okay got sick I got sick and I just felt like total [ __ ] man I was just I got hit with the flu or whatever the [ __ ] it was so I took some NyQuil and I felt so good what was it relaxing I felt so good it's Codine man whatever it's said to take I took more you know in said to sake like if you weigh like up to 170 lbs likee I weigh about 190 and I probably weighed like 169 but right but I took a full I was lean son I didn't have much fatty tissue I took a full dose once took a ladle this nyquel [ __ ] me up and I was I was deep in this pillow this down pillow and I felt so loved really oh my God I felt so loved I felt like the universe is just was just rubbing me with love wow it felt so good what was in it what's in that cine man what's Cod what drug is Codine it's a good one that's a D drug that's the drug it's what you used to take when you were a kid growing up before you know like you would take like one thing and you do it right before you go to bed you know like the right no but where can I find that now you you can still get
it go to your doctor's office coughing up a fake stor like if you got bronchitis you can get you just need to start coughing rough your throat up a little bit how do they give it pill form or something like if you're going to turn your girlfriend into the cops drink it drink if you're going to turn your girlfriend into the cops for domestic abuse you'd punch yourself in the face a few times call the police that's what you got to do to get the Codine you got to raspy up your throat man you got to [ __ ] it up you got to cough a lot and they go this poor poor gentleman needs some Codine it's usually way worse than this I'm I'm I'm braved it out because of this doctor appointment I would I'm bar breathing and they hook you up with that I got I got prescribed for wisdom teeth out and my doctor both of them done really good job so I was like not really worried about this one he's like if you need these I can he goes if you don't need them goes I'm sure you can find maybe somebody I don't know I'm like do that I'm a comedian I have multiple people telling me to tough it out let's not say he said that let's say he allegedly said let's say that cuz someone to could track your dental records oh my God it's like my friends did love it though God Joe you know that uh like you don't use those I'm like never been into them like well you might be that that stuff you're talking about is what like all the like the celebrity kids mix with like you know Red Bull and [ __ ] like that and they drink it as a drink it's like called Purple drink and stuff and that's all the all the like the beers and stuff that get caught with like the bottles of that what are they drinking what is the what's the mixture syrup syrup scissor is what so that's what they're drinking Codine Codine it's usually mixed with like Mountain Dew or something like that or Jolly ranch Jolly Ranch there's a comedian I'm not going to name names don't you name names either you [ __ ] there's a comedian that used to have a real problem with nyell and club Owners would have to buy him like containers of and bring them to him yeah and he would drink them like more than one I would said Duncan until he said club Owners have to bring him dun
as I first like I can see him having a problem long time ago it was a long time ago and that's why they had to bring it for him fault in this guy yeah that's pretty cool yeah well you know he's a good good good comic perform well on it good I don't know I don't think he was on it while I was on stage I think it's one of those things where you know you want to like fight the demons on into the night you need some sort of chemical protection take the coding and rally I am fire did you see that yet [ __ ] yeah I did moment it came out I was first in line oh nice what is that Hobbit [ __ ] Hobbit I love those movies man the dragons and those Hobbits were such cool dragons the best I rooted for him [ __ ] elves you always root for your elves are douchebags yeah quit siging songs all the time idiot yeah good you guys are like way too happy with yourself yeah oh you really good with a bon we're lovely we're all lovely I am death the [ __ ] Dragon was so dope the CGI they can do together really oh my God I don't know how many people are working together on that thing but the CGI that they able to con concoct what they're able to do they look really good oh my God it's so good it doesn't it looks like it's a real thing and there's another real thing that's it's interacting with like the CGI is so good especially with Dragons because dragons aren't real so you don't know what they really look like oh right you can't like use video The Wild but if you look at like a dog like when they see GI dogs it just looks slightly goofy there's just a slight goofiness to it they haven't totally overcome yet but they've overcome it with dragons and also with Dinosaurs they don't move quite right it's like what's what you doing with your [ __ ] why are you move like that we don't know I think hair is a big one I think hair is tough to reproduce I think they have a real hard time like making like accurate looking Ripples and stuff like that because it's all done with programs and they have to use all all these like various Technologies to figure out how to [ __ ] shade things correctly and use the proper textures and it's like it's really comp to slowly doesn't like J Jitter like it does in the wind like normal well you know Clay Guida couldn't be in the early UFC games
MH because he wouldn't cut his hair get his hair down so kayua his hair was so important to him that he chose to not be in the early UFC game instead of cut it yeah because he's like they were I mean I don't know if any some try to just pull that hair and just yank it down during a fight you're not allowed to you're not allowed you used to be able to to do that in fact hoist Gracie used teemo's hair like it was a really important part of him winning that fight he was beating the [ __ ] out of him from his back and then he set up an armar wow but hoist was holding on to his ponytail like he had a grip on the back of his head like it's ridiculous to give someone the ability to hold on to the back of your hair if that's like a part of fighting Eric Paulson he's another guy who got in a a bad situation because the guy was grabbing his hair and punched him in the head like and realized like oh you can't have hair like this it's bad for a fight it's easier to grab onto you have a handle in your head son it's like my bit about the [ __ ] the the duck hunting guys the Duck Dynasty guys in their beard oh yeah e hold yeah if somebody wants to [ __ ] your face that's a goddamn handle right there the best way to do it this the best way you gave them a handle to hold on to your mouth what are you trying to do what are you trying to do leaving it open for me yeah but what they can do it with um with dinosaurs and they can do it with dragon the Jurassic Park got a great Jurassic Park had a great first Jurassic Park [ __ ] you can't watch on TV now you can't watch on TV cuz it looks terrible on the screen that was awesome yeah I saw the new trailer trailer yeah it looks amazing why would they go back there ever why would they keep going back [ __ ] 10 years later that's it 10 years is that what it is though or is it a total reboot like uh I don't know I feel like it's a reboot like Spider-Man like they're rebooting it they're going back are they going you can see it on the there's like a map you can see the uh quarantine Zone like you're not supposed to go here they fix the rest of the [ __ ] okay jez I wish we could play that we could play it on this TV trailer yeah play it on this TV so watch yeah yeah oh I hope it's in 3D cuz then we'll already be ready yeah I don't think it
will be definitely will not be 3D trailers that we we're going to probably go blind by the end of the show these [ __ ] glasses on does anybody feel uncomfortable or is it just me it's a little bit uncomfortable figure out maybe we should go without the glasses so they're going back can we get some volume so we'll listen to this W oh twiy Birds over my head get out of here H oh you have twiy birds out who put twiy Birds over his head Birds that's rude something chases you if someone chases you or something 10 years ago they were killing people don't joke about it well we joke about Hiroshima that's true so what we're watching people that are listening at home is a super dope yacht headed towards an island that is populated and this little [ __ ] kid pushes the front so we just see everybody else is watching where's your dad [ __ ] face push to the front get out of here learn some manners you little [ __ ] you white privileged little CIS privileged White Privilege white privilege cisgendered now they're in some balls little suppressive [ __ ] now they're in these um weird trains and pots and they're just casually strolling around dinosaurs and then it's SEO yeah there's a a shark suspended and an impossibly huge dinosaur comes out of the water eats the shark wow and ruins everyone's uh iPhones and you know what I realize when I look at that you got to feed that [ __ ] a lot of sharks how many sharks that thing need to e today a lot proba way bigger than a shark I doubt they planned this out some science [ __ ] somebody super hot scientist for no reason unbelievable super hot with bangs who is that broad she's hot as [ __ ] that guy out as [ __ ] too this I would just wish this would turn into Guardians of the Galaxy 2 I haven't seen the first one yet because you're an idiot oh how dare you good movie that it's a handsome bastard right there also Deer Hunter Evacuate the island look how pretty that girl is back the island would you be willing to give it all up the whole Hollywood dream just to be in her arms for the rest of your life In Harmony oh God every day oh wow I don't like it what are you saying I don't like this that she said run get that girl away from oo I love
the sound oh good lord the racing against Velociraptors W and the Velociraptors are running away from what is they're all going to get K him there's some crazy super dinosaur it's a new super dinosaur yeah like regular dinosaurs weren't funky enough for sure the the giant one they fed the Sharks to that's coming back into play later that's not going to only be a plot point they're going to hit once definitely going to be like I disagree really that could be it yeah it's very possible that's it I don't think it is my bet said it's not I think it's probably really expensive to film underwater [ __ ] and they like look if we could stick to the jungles we could save about 75 million from the budget no way they're going to do it all this is a trick movie has this underwater technology down pad he's the only guy right now because of Avatar 2 and he's deep sea diving and the r right yeah he is yeah he goes down he goes down like the bottom of the [ __ ] He's records oh Jesus Christ what him think about him the guy's nuts he goes to the bottom of the ocean and he like innovates he like he's like one of those guys that's involved in the the The Innovation as far as like deep sea filming and exploration he's going down little one man submarines and [ __ ] like yeah that's where he's going to die he's going to die in one of those things maybe not maybe not though even more incredible he gets through all this and he's fine yeah you can see the depths of the [ __ ] where no one has ever been look he's he's got enough money to do it correctly God I mean he's incredibly wealthy and he a like you should take me with you next time you don't think I'm want to see that stuff that's how annoying his wife is he goes to the bottom of the ocean get away from her could you imagine if that's what he said can you imagine James camera why did you go to the bottom of the ocean cuz my wife won't shut the [ __ ] up just can't that was his post post game interview we're not saying it is Mr Cameron please please don't hack our station we're humble servants of the Lord the over love you we love you I'm a huge James Cameron fan I love that [ __ ] movie he does cool stuff not just that one I've I love a million of his movies what else has he done God
damn we want to pull up his IM they're making two sequels to Avatar right no way yeah Avatar 2 and Avatar 3 is that what I two of them yeah he's done so many movies man um yeah he did aliens right and the Terminator movies yeah he did the Terminator movies Terminator movies he married the girl first one too he married the girl from The Terminator movies right bam I'm going to [ __ ] my star never found her that hot what how dare you I always thought she was just like get the [ __ ] out take a lap take a lap I'll stand by it she's a Dayton six oh she's so sexy she's a Survivor bro three new Avatar movies she's wow three new there's going to be four of them total yep damn he did Titanic [ __ ] did Titanic okay oh yeah Titanic and Aliens you know I had a problem with aliens and I still do mon what's the only reason I have a problem with it is cu I saw alien mhm aliens is all of a sudden they became Dopey and easy to kill alien because there are more of them yeah alien the first one he's incredibly smart and slick and avoiding people yeah and he finds a way to Ambush you when you you're you're not looking you turn around he's that's what they always do in the movies they they they take scale wrong so they you can murder thousand people trying to stop you but then one guy it's like difficult unless that one alien was that bad of an ass he was just born he was a newborn with no one to teach him the problem is he had no one to teach him right he's the one escaped out of the [ __ ] belly and ran off exactly that's a good point you're really passionate that's beautiful you're right no one t on his own he figured that out maybe what we would do to fix feeding him fix the alien population is get them together like when they're really young and feed them only vegetables oh you're right turn them into vegans little vegan change them just give them beans beans are fine there's a lot of protein aliens Mr alien we have a bowl of beans it [ __ ] slams its head to the door trying to get out you you're keeping it some sort of a cell we have your beus [ __ ] get away from me you [ __ ] you [ __ ] God damn it when are they going to be vegan they should be vegan by now is this it's been weeks you go to try to get your your retray retrieve your tray and his [ __ ] teeth mark in
it big shark bites taking out of it why you eating metal don't just e vegetables Mr alien okay I'm not giving you anything but mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes and yams and vegan butter cat escapes go in there they just clawing at the door clawing every day for 16 hours clawing at the door eventually they'll get calm and start to stere you just like they have to bring in Engineers figure out when they're going to get tired they don't seem to be getting tired get blood lustier give them some meat no this all about the meeting experience I can't do it I can't give them the meat that would be that would be a good sequel to alien alien the vegan you imagine something like just take one right out right out of the chest it explodes into a tube like we have the tube set up on the guy's chest when you know he's going to give birth to the alien right when it breaks through it break through into like a one of those vacuum things SL yeah the mail slots that's exactly what I'm saying yeah those [ __ ] things that's the best way to get an abortion stick vagina and that Jamie and I were looking at another uh warehouse space and one of the spaces like podcast Studio space one of the spaces had one those things in it you open the cap he stick something in it you close it well we don't know we don't know if it worked but they had a thing there they had one of those [ __ ] launcher things cool and then people just knew it just went to the right place I there was like a I guess there was a destination on the other end like they had it the mail room I don't know I mean I don't I think it might have been the place that we were looking at they did all sorts of weird experiments so I don't know what the [ __ ] kind of weird [ __ ] they were doing inside there they were doing like missile technology yeah Jesus yeah we looked at like warehouses where they had previously done like missile technology [ __ ] they probably weren't even supposed to tell us that right yeah probably those [ __ ] they probably violated some sort of a constitutional amendment we all start getting like knee cancer from just being there yeah knee
cancer cancer yeah but they had a tube they had one of those wow that's fun yeah God I would stick my hand in all the time hold it back of course eventually you'd have you dick in there right with a Fleshlight someone would just saw the bottom off a flashlight or unscrew it and just pure suction yeah just all just suction someone's going to do it like it's pulling you back someone would definitely do it it might be built perfectly for imagine if no one knew but then like you get like the standard like male slot vacuum thing and you put a flashlight to it and you're like oh my God look at this Shunk it just like locks in place like thunk like this this is like like it's like Indiana Jones where you like put the right thing into the wall the key to make it work oh but then the worst part about that is after you come it would get shot up that [ __ ] slot and someone else would just shoot into somebody's office no desk they just catch a [ __ ] facial no it goes right into the ocean and it feeds fish it's biodegradable oh there's all set up just for that totally oh okay okay you're building infrastructure yeah it's in Malibu it's the same house that they used to Film Iron Man we're just coming on dolphins dolphins are swimming in it and loving it oh a the vacuum tube just leading out into the ocean good Lord yeah if somebody came up with something like that yeah have you seen uh the latest uh stuff they're doing with oculus rift doing Oculus Rift first person porn they're doing threedimensional yeah virtual real so you have stuff on you it's going to like touch you and stuff not yet right now it's just you're watching it and you're watching it and it looks like you're actually doing it oh yeah but eventually they're going to be able to syn that up with something that stimulates your senses you still haven't watched the South Park Oculus Rift episode have you no I have not you got to watch all this whole season of South Park it's an amazing season it held don't don't watch one episode watch this is the first season where the whole season holds together as one it's like a movie they have through lines start at the beginning yeah it's great I'm guilty of not watching enough South Park I'm
really guilty I need to get on it is it on Netflix too uh I don't know on southbark studios.com is it on Apple TV it's on Hulu Plus Hulu Plus m it's probably on the on the Comedy Central it's South Park studios.com up there well the Comedy Central you you use an HDMI to get it to the Comedy Central direct or CC direct.com no but not even.com the don't they have like their own like Apple TV and then they have they have their own app oh they have an app so if you just if you have an iPad or an iPhone you just use that app and the UFC has an app now too in the um if you go on Apple TV yeah they have an app like you go on Apple TV you can go to the ufc.tv you can go and watch the fight watch okay yeah Fight Pass is available watch yeah dude I was watching the other day I I was bored and I just said let me just watch some old fights and I watched like two hours of Old fights I just kept choosing different fights yeah we all those old all the the each have their own symbol whatever on the whatever the [ __ ] devices I haven't watched TV on a regular TV in Forever what do they have those things up there where you can go to the Netflix one the FX and like little icons you click on yeah and because they all just have their live HBO GO they all have their own live feed and you just Apple TV it into the TV Apple TV is incredible the other thing only was live sports but now that now they've got that you can watch live fox live CBS that's eventually going to happen it's I mean why wouldn't they just get what you want to get don't get you don't want to get have it all available to everyone the the regular television network is going to be obsolete there's almost no way around it it's just too difficult to support that sort of model when someone can do something like Netflix where they can have the entire season up in advance in advance I want like when you're ready to hear it all this this is Marco Polo show I'm watching have you seen it it's on Netflix it's [ __ ] good dude and the entire season is in advance you just download the whole season you watch You' B watch from the jump I mean it's [ __ ] great they' got a good model ah they're so they're killing it but they have like some insane amount of people that have subscribed yeah because they
million worldwide and 70 million people paying seven bucks a month that's a lot of [ __ ] people man a lot that's insane that the money is insane yeah they got keep putting it back into like getting making new shows and stuff yeah it's amazing cards cards and and also standup specials uhhuh they're great for standup specials Netflix is my very first one uh my my my first legit one was I did it for Netflix then put it on Showtime that was 2005 that was old Netflix they were always doing things like that though they've done a lot the Bill Burr one they did the black and white one from uh Atlanta and my special can be seen this Friday oh [ __ ] Comedy Central Friday night at midnight 11: a p.m. if you're in the middle zones but you can get it right now right they can get it right now go to ara.com AR the.com wait what are you saying it's right there it's available right now for download hold on what don't you understand hold okay hold on let's back up so joke questions about this tell me that you can get your special right now at arthe great.com it's not even been on Comedy Central yet that's right it's not even been on comedy centr and you'll get the bigger version the 30 extra minutes that is [ __ ] outrageous and a j& a yes what yeah the j& is one of the funni things that is outrageous have you ever seen the j& a no um yeah of course I have man I've been there million times the back of the comedy store ask a je a question ask a je a question just fun it was there before it was a j&a yeah before somebody came up with like j&a that's shorten a Q&A j&a yeah it was weird watching you uh film that there that was one of the first days I ever came back yeah I came back the day before that to uh watch the roast battle I like said like I don't make a big deal with your special let me just get it out of the way now and then I like H yeah I wanted it to be I wanted it to be um I wanted just to see your special to take it in not as someone like I can't believe I'm at the store the very first time back in seven years and I'm seeing Ari special being filmed I wanted to get that out of the way so I got that out of the way first and I just um it was so weird seeing you up there doing your special like killing it oh thanks it was it was weird why weird well not weird like unexpected just uh
just surreal in so many different ways knowing you as long of i as as I've known you knowing you when you've really first started doing and you watch me on that stage [ __ ] as a terrible new comic well as a smart open micer that had potential that's that's that's what I thought but super green anyway yeah but I thought you'd be fun I I I remember um the moment I I first started talking to you I was like this guy can do it like all you have to do is just keep going like this I knew you were smart and you were funny and you know you were young and we were all young and awkward but you were you had an idea like if you had an idea you could say we we could be all talking and you would say something and people would go yeah you know and that's all you need that's all you need and then you have to be able to draw from that exactly but I knew you were smart and I knew you were you know you were pretty driven to be a stand stand up comic like you really wanted it I knew you were going to make it I knew you were going to make it it just one of those things I didn't you couldn't no no no one can I mean that's that's just what it's all about I mean that's also part of what drives you to put in the work that takes you to make it we all know guys that started out at the same time as you that were really talented are gone like you were yeah they had the same like kind of potential that you had you know there's a lot of them I don't want to mention names cuz I don't want to hear I don't want them to hear podcast to be bummed out and how things went on they didn't go on to become professional comedians even they just kind of got a job somewhere and they never figured out how to follow through but there's a few guys that we could talk about off air that were like really godamn good they were really good running in to watch their sets but I think that's for the for the guys who do get through it's a Stern warning like don't don't think you're special like don't think you can ever relax don't think you can ever take time off of analyzing what you're doing and making sure you're doing it right don't take it for granted don't take the audience for granted ever don't you know just well at every level of development somebody's dropped off so even somebody who's like how to hit you know special
and then it's like then they drop off there someone else has one good Open Mic joke and drop off there like at every level you're going to have a have however many people 10 people at that level and it's going to drop off to three that make it to the next level we can all Crash and Burn yeah you know one of the things that's really excited me yeah one of the things really excited me about uh being back at The Comedy Store and also um like like deciding that I'm going to stay in La for a while is that like this this area that we have now like the the amount of uh like cool places to work amount of cool comics amount of funny guys that are in this area that we're at right now yeah this is really rare this is really this is a rare spot man yeah you know we were doing we've done some of these shows at the ice house and the last one we did I think it was you and Bill Burr and Joey Diaz and Brian Ken and me and Edwards and we're sitting around and we're I was like this is the [ __ ] most murderous lineup I've ever seen in my life nothing on Wednesday this is and we're all we all live here you know we all drive here on a Wednesday night to hug each other smoke some joints you know and Brian Brian's doing the Ice House Chronicles he getting millions of downloads out of the same spot yeah you're going up there and and and you're killing it in front of this crazy Pasadena crowd too they know about comedy these are crazy shows man I mean these are shows that are just like yeah me and me always get to a fight over like LA or New York who has better Comics but then I always point to like guys like birds like you developed their best ones and then Shi them off to us so like we're the Yankees there's no [ __ ] we have the best team there's no best yeah this doesn't matter there's no it's all [ __ ] like the idea of arguing about that there's two good environments for standup and it all I think one of the advantages that you have coming from the LA model which is less clubs less sets the New York model which is more clubs more sets More Travel you're hopping back and forth from Club to Club is that you you're you're coming from two different perspectives and I think I like they're both timately I like they're both there's there's weaknesses that each one has and they just can deal with it
because it's they're used to that scene yeah I feel like your your jokes per your your laughs per joke the tightness of your joke has be become cleaner since you went to New York yeah New York there's a lot of like come on come on on get to it get to it you know yeah I think that's a good thing to have man I think with something else it's not all about like anic level of just here's my writing joke you know they have a lot of that where it's not so much truthful as more like here's a good joke about a thing well what I was going to say is I think that the combination of combo what you brought from the your experience in LA and on the road and then going to New York like that's a good mixture and I think that ultimately that that's all you could want as a comic is like I think one of the things that's really important for all of us that seems to be important when I watch other people do it when I'm outside of it is life experiences equal funny equals perspective equals funny like the more experiences you have in your life the more material you're going to have yeah you know and I mean experien is like go do something like go somewhere go do something go try something out like Bill Burr's bit about uh go get your heart being a helicopter pilot have you ever seen that bit let's get this new bit special about learning how to fly a helicopter I'm not saying anything more cuz it's just that [ __ ] it's that [ __ ] good that I I don't want to ruin any of it I won't ruin it by saying the word helicopter so I'll leave it at that but it's one of my all-time favorite bits and it's a bit that he developed by actually doing that by actually learning how to fly a helicopter he actually can fly so I think that doing yeah he got a dog he that great Pitbull joke about like watch people cross the street he's coming at them like yeah I like the power he's got a lot of great jokes but it's it's living a little yeah yeah living experiencing life doing there that too yeah it's a whole different scene in New York uh not just like uh the comics but I'm talking about the girl the bars and the way you walk instead of Drive yeah just a new experience in general like get your [ __ ] mind moving it gets everything fired up in a
new way and I mean even if you don't want to move somewhere I mean try jiujitsu do something weird take different route to work every day try surfing learn how to surf take a [ __ ] lesson get out there in the [ __ ] shark infested waters of Santa Monica Swim for your life boy swim for your life your toes are in the water you know I did for this special I worked this out in 10 countries this material oh that's interesting man went to a bunch of different places and tried it as much as I could well you did a lot of comedy in China and we talked about that the last time you were here with all that gutter oil stuff was the last time I was here in June July when I got back it right when I got back from China was that the last time I think so man you might have been here in between it's hard to tell oh yeah maybe oh maybe here to type of special could be yeah yeah I think you were but doing comedy there for like a specific type people it's like oh interesting all right some stuff works some stuff doesn't do do they just go to see anybody who comes there every week yeah they uh no but a lot of them would but did they'll read like this comics in town people seem to like him they like oh maybe I'll go well it's pretty cool if you're in a spot if someone figures out a way to get really good Comics to fly out all the way to singapor abut and perform in front of you like that's got to be pretty fun yeah Brent Weinbach just got back they loved him yeah they Lov dude he's so weird and funny very funny though I really enjoy watching him yeah so outside the box well we were saying like this is a great time there's so many there's so many good Comics right now this is like maybe The Best Time Of All Times there's a bunch of good people doing good stuff you're like yeah cool man cool yeah like if you take yourself out of stands yeah take yourself out and then judge the syst and then look at the system like the good show there's so many shows and there's also like these the ability to promote oneself through the internet has gotten to this point where you get to know people that you might have like you know we we've talked about many times about uh Robin Harris who was like a really funny black comic back in the 90s he died before anybody got to know who he
was but he didn't really have the distribution he was in like a couple of movies he did like a little bit of he had a a CD called baby kids yeah but he was just so goddamn good man at the time but for whatever reason the distribution method just wasn't available for him at the time and it's it's it's available now it's way better than it's available now you can just find your that's why uh there's noig what's going on over there Brian what are you doing I was just trying to to get my sweatshirt that's why there's no giant bands anymore looks like you're on fire cuz you don't need a Beatles for everybody you just need very specific thing for very specific audiences Dave Matthew so they break it down further and further and it's like you don't have to like Dave Matthews Band you can like a little bit more of an upbeat Dave Matthews Band well guess what there's nine bands that are playing that type of music right now and you can find all of them you don't have to wait for the radio to bring it to you that's a very good point so you don't can't get these massive stars anymore do you think that's true though I mean how how does a Justin Bieber emerge is he kids music kids music is the only way it works yeah and he was still through those distribution method those kids don't download [ __ ] yet I think that's probably best for everybody what that there's no giant Stars I think all you know I mean there's a lot of people that essentially should be giant stars that for whatever reason don't get considered in the same breath as like Jim Morrison or Janice Jin or dead people right like okay Chris Cornell Chris Cornell from sound garden maybe one of the greatest vocalists of all all time he's great dude he's a monster he's still around right dude of course he is but I mean if you like if you looked at like people who people like worship as being like alltime greats for whatever reason that guy like slips through the cracks yeah yeah you're right CH Corell some people just hold up and some people don't when you talk about him 20 years later that guy's amaz listen to spoon man you know I me that guy had the most insane voice his voice is incredible did you hear the guy who took over for him was that that band or the other band who's the black guy that took over for the white white guy what give it to me
Brian you know you the black guy that took over for the white bu yeah they had white bu white buy down in a hole who's sang down in a hole oh black guy took over oh they got a new lead singer and he's black he sounds exactly like Lane Staley exactly like Lane Staley and you forget the fact that it's not Lane Staley until he sings down in a hole all right when you realize we're going to play a little game of YouTube roulette can you tell let's see if we get kicked off YouTube by playing this you get kicked off YouTube by playing it why oh we get kicked off all the time why so I don't know it just happens so uh let's see let's play it let's free information tra everybody what's it called I have to find something with him and singing it okay what's what's homeboy's name uh William Duval I have it William Duval yeah oh let's just find out like some of their new [ __ ] he sounds just like he SS the old he doesn't seem black to me that guy doesn't look that black he is black he looks like spartic notice I use that really safest way to say really articulate term spartic makes some work cultur yes thank you he's a Semite Man in the Box [ __ ] that's the guy no that's a white guy with [ __ ] think it's a guitar player that guy looks like he does meth wow Jer canell looks like he should be in [ __ ] Nickelback where is the black one bring him to me he's so like he's so happy with life and everything though so it's tough to believe like that he could actually actually sing about heroin oh yeah like that's the only song I don't buy from him Them Bones you know that song Them Bones things at all big old pile of damn bones oh that guy's Bo no you realize I love that different angles like oh black as [ __ ] that is not the same dude at some point or another I got to hear what this dude sounds like you got to hear it just fast forward a minut get born again 1998 well this this is Lane Staley then this isn't the the black we don't know yet play both you think it's both after Lane Stanley died Staley died in 2002 the band decided to reunite for a benefit concert that was the starting point for a new beginning of Alice and chain 14 years they released a new album with lead singer William Duval well what is this why am I reading this Jamie can
I hear this gentleman saying where's yeah just fast forward a minute and a half where's the black guy yeah you guys ready for this Simmons what the [ __ ] kind of [ __ ] that's the guy look like him so it's about their Journey well that's that dude singing I don't know this is [ __ ] I want to hear Journey this is probably your biggest failure you've ever had here as I want to say as an artist as an artist artist to artist shut up about your [ __ ] Journey yeah you're not a hobbit okay you're a goddamn singer rock and roll band I know what you're doing [ __ ] journey journey how dare you you're right they so overdo that [ __ ] shut up me a river how dare you journey journey I had to take my own guitar case up to my room fur topped boots tied up with [ __ ] senu remember did you hike over the hill we always see DSC guys with leather pants in Hollywood during the day when it's hot out he's like that's the only pants they own they're their [ __ ] show pants they're a lot of [ __ ] and now it's melting inside ball bag simmering in there it's cooking it's like a [ __ ] Ceviche Jamie this is the same video come on Jamie come on going on over God this is Jamie's been a top five William dval songs CP wow that looks weird with the 3D glasses on I'm not happy with these made a number okay let's yeah we get it we get it he sounds like a white guy yeah sounds like bla St but yeah we got it how's your balls been Ari everything downstairs because we never talked to you about your your balls and your butts and stuff like that thought I had herpes oh that's right really positive I had herpes I mean really positive like what was the symptoms like on a one to 10 you 10 I was a nine I was like [ __ ] well I got herpes the symptoms were I saw a scab on my dick and I was like well that's and then I looked it up on Google on images what else do you think it is herpes herpes herpes scars or whatever herpes outbreaks and it didn't look like most of them it looked about like one out of like 10 of them real light case never had him before but I was like look I'm not the most careful guy in the world I mean condoms know condoms uh so I was like well look it's
caught up to me I guess this is this is [ __ ] you know get it now it's better than I got when I was 25 I wish right now we could play damn it feels good to be a gangster cuz you're in 10 countries at least I was in a bunch of countries and I was like look this could have happened at any point but I narrowed it down to who I thought it probably was I called like three or four girls four girls hey I think I have herpes uh uh you should you should go get tested and stop [ __ ] damn like why I'm like I have a outbreak I have a herpes out there's no way there's anything else I have a herpes outbreak yeah cuz what else could it be you just don't wake up and have a scab exactly and um so I scheduled to blood work get everything taken care of and in the meantime you know it's going to take it's over Christmas weekend so it's going to take longer and then while I was uh hanging out I was hanging out the Stand Comedy Club maybe the best club in New York but um talking to the owner and Pete Lee this comedian and tell him my problem and Pete was like you know I had where is it like right underneath the hood of your dick I'm like yeah right there he's like I had something like this once it was like a penile tear have you done anything like rough lately and I was like yeah actually I noticed it right after unlubricated anal sex that's when I first noticed it you're lucky but it just didn't go away you're lucky you're alive I'm lucky I'm alive and then I that's what it turned out to be how do you have unlubricated anal sex that's like [ __ ] hard bro hard I mean no spit you didn't spit on the course it was wet it was wet of course lame [ __ ] that joke is played yeah you get it wet and then you [ __ ] go for it I don't know just but yeah do what you got to do but you didn't Rel commercial lubricant so relieved yeah and I'm telling you if you think your wife has been happy when you've called before after [ __ ] three days on the road not being able to call you've never heard you tell a girl oh I was wrong you don't have herpes they get elated overcome with joy now do you think maybe you should have just waited to the results came back before calling
these girls and you just love well I didn't want them to [ __ ] somebody else in the meantime and then while I'm waiting aside some other guy's life is ruined right well I heard this is I as well suck it up and take my lumps also on the other level I figured I could tell them I'm 90% sure it's like a copout so I'm not like fully saying look I have it we [ __ ] I thought that uh from what I understood when I got tested was that you can only test herpes while the outbreaks happen they act actually spoon a little out of the the out the like you can't really it's really hard to test for herpes so a lot of times you can get tested during like not an outbreak and be like oh yeah you want to test positive for herpes no I think those an old test I think that was like 15 years ago test they need Olympic style heres's test Olympic test for serious overcome there's boy and girl and I heard if you do pop it like you could actually taste it it tast yeah it's like a sweetness how many how many different [ __ ] pus wounds you have to taste before herpes is like I got it yeah you can't T it once that might just be that this is s blanc4 this person's had it for a while and treated it's a burgundy from theth burgundy e burgundy's the wrong the culture Swiffer around like a penis in your hand look at the legs on that herpy yeah how many how many herpes did you have to be able to taste to be able to taste herpes they figured out a way to train dogs to smell cancer cancer yeah that's aw awesome it's pretty crazy that's awesome you telling me they can't put a dog at the [ __ ] TSA counter smell for bombs yeah but they also were going to smell for weed no only training to smell for bombs uh what about the weed dog he needs a job get him and [ __ ] dud the Wei airport oh the weed dog he [ __ ] up he thinks it's a bomb but it's really just weed the poor guy we try to train him listen man uh we don't want to send him to the pound Ari let's just we take a few you know one or two weed to rest a month it's not going to hurt anybody you know we're going to get more Revenue in the system we're going to have uh C job it's infringing on our rights just for your R to raise money and you know what
sometimes out of that struggle comes a dialogue no that's not a thing you're just robbing us and saying important people you're saying buzzwords cop don't stop don't just Rob our freedoms no don't just say the children for a little while 24 hours maybe you'll snap them I'll tell you what my friend's son uh the kid was in N D well he started going to jail and uh he got out of jail and he realized I don't want to go to jail anymore no that's not a reason to search every American he got back on the [ __ ] right track no no no I'm sorry cops in J government you're not giving me good reasons I punched him in the stomach and I brought him to the Lord did you know that have you seen that video no you want to see something hilarious yeah sure pull that video you want to see something great pull that video and then get ready Bonnie uh wait princess bunny princess bunny do you remember princess bunny what are you talking about you're about to see something that's gonna disturb you're about to see before that you're about to see a guy punch a guy in the stomach [ __ ] look up yeah um he says uh Pastor I was on my yeah Pastor punches kid in the chest look as see as soon as he starts writing Pastor that's what shows up it's one of the first uh that's it right there this is so ridiculous there was a young man in in Cal his name was Ben I mean this is really ridiculous run group I was there for a few years and um he was just he was a nice kid but he was one of those kids that was always just he's a real smart alec oh was was was a bright kid which didn't help things right made him more dangerous we were outside one day youth group and uh he was just just trying to push my buttons and he was just you know kind of not taking the Lord serious and I walked over to him and I went bam I punched him in the chest as hard as I I crumpled the kid why' you put him in the chest I just crumpled him and I said I leaned over and I said Ben when are you going to stop playing games with God I led that man to the Lord right there there's times that that might be needed what oh god what he didn't give a good example at all times that might be what are you talking about the guy was just being a
smart alec he except he just punched a kid he was SM but that's bad it was saying it was he was smart that part the problem too much ammunition what a chump that guy is I love the word chump wow just a straight jerk oh my God punched him as hard as he could in the chest you punched a little boy at youth camp and I said Ben and crumpled him oh really when are you going to take the Lord serious R was he making jokes he wasn't Ari he wasn't taking the Lord seriously he's being smart alec I punched him that's a grown adult it's a grown man who's teaching people he's leading people yeah he's got a microphone on [ __ ] Christianity should be illegal it all should be illegal anybody telling you they know the answer should be arrested when you know they're not that's false advertising theyed they should all be arrested man you can't put on on food even the Crooked FDA you can't put on food tons of nutrients without any proof of nutrients can't do that that's so true that's so true can't just say oh no I know the answer it's like could you show us that you do it all are you just making it up and taking money sir would you want like to show me your your proof of this Adam and Eve concept you've been throwing in front of this congregation what what what do you have written down do you have any studies any anything with some veracity I could yeah when you look about it when you take a step back and look at any level of religion you're like oh what this might be garbage or this is garbage garbage yeah this is garbage this is a bunch of people that were trying to figure out what the [ __ ] the stars were I know his Arc bit was great I have a joke about the Ten Commandments in my new special paid regular out this Friday night set your DVRs is funny you like it to conversal fear he's got a new special Mi up a few songs in there I like it it's funny has and it's funny this Friday night is it censored or uncensored censored online I mean on TV uncensored online uh so censored online if you have it on television it comes on after midnight they can do
whatever they want right they can have it yeah there's stuff I'm able to get where they were like we don't know about that I was like are you serious and like oh actually it's after midnight we'll just [ __ ] that's fine after midnight is the right spot yeah I guess so except you want more people to see it but more people can at arir my comedy special aired Again Last Friday Night did it really yes that's great so you got a bunch of like um feack more of a heads up so I could have promoted it but yeah the feedback has all been good man except I mean the the the man the um ratio to people that didn't like it versus liked it was way higher than my last one so that means I'm on the right track so I just I I think that like right now it's such an exciting time for standup and I'm so excited about doing new [ __ ] like I've never I don't I don't think of all the years I've been doing comedy I've had more fun doing it doing new stuff [ __ ] I'm loving it but it's not trying it's not like you're not trying to do well you're trying to kill it but just with newer it's like taking a smaller bat and still trying to hit a home run well it's just you got to grow you got to throw water that bit you got to keep using fertilizer start a mulch pit son yeah get [ __ ] compost gamey get your compost game up kid just it's uh it's just uh it's an amazing time man my hav so much [ __ ] fun yeah especially that show in Vegas godamn that was fun that was cool the Phoenix show was really cool that was fun too yeah that Terry fader theater is really good for it and they got that [ __ ] when I tell you the word I was looking for when I tell you the word I was looking for it's clock the word I couldn't find that my brain wouldn't I got to stop smoking weed and start reading don't do it the combo one or the other I got to do one or the other I I can't let this keep going downhill like it is I can't remember where clock you got to start working out son this clock's all over dude you need I got to get this one right here I can't remember what the word is I got to get you on it I need Lumosity I need you to do some kettle bells yeah fire up your brain from smoking take What U in uh in uh London for [ __ ] three days
allegedly three days in London that was it and then right back to it did you not know anybody there or something didn't know I was working I had to do this thing where so I was working I was like quickly like doing I didn't have time to like go out and try to find weed it's too much and then I just didn't find it too much danger in another land yeah I got scared I didn't take any with me good that's smart overseas I'm always like oh how'd you know how' you know yeah overseas too much too much danger to take it with me but but um uh yeah I just didn't find any and then you know it's like you said the Celebrity Rehab it's the easiest [ __ ] thing to come off if you don't have it you're like oh well yeah I sure would want some but I've been working so I Haven time to do it well if you watch Celebrity Rehab you see Eric Roberts on it that's it Eric Roberts Eric Roberts he said everyone's having the shakes everyone's coming off Coke and meth like I just need to make it through an hour Eric Roberts is drinking coffee readed in the New York Times coming down off weed he had his [ __ ] feet in slippers he was in a reading room yeah everybody else had [ __ ] crusty mascara all over their face and tears and [ __ ] sadness yeah Band-Aids over their major arteries and Dr [ __ ] Drew still won't say it's different than those other things come on Drew but do you you do know people that can't stop yeah I know yeah but I know people can't stop doing a lot of [ __ ] I know people can't stop tattoos yeah I know people can't stop gambling right yeah wow with the 3D glasses the fire looks really kind of weird it looks magical I wonder if like if we keep the this on Long when we take him off it's going to [ __ ] our regular it probably is already [ __ ] when I go over the blue it just goes off when I go over to my left side the flame just goes off gaze gaze into the burning magic Jo do you want to see this uh je pool table pool table projection no I don't want to see that [ __ ] it's cool man chea I've never seen Joe react so horribly to any piece of technology no like add it add new layers to games no it doesn't a real pool table is played with [ __ ] traditional lights and regular balls you keep everything
clear this is a mister no bar table bowling alley way still felt but see-through felt no in there the whole time yes maybe you could play TV so you can watch the big game while you're lying up if you hate money go ahead if you want to win you can't play like that a PO table is supposed to be a Green Landscape of opportunity of collisions of maneuvering of English and spin and reaction to chalk and balls colliding and slide and follow and draw that's what it's supposed to be not [ __ ] and glass not supposed to be looking down at a [ __ ] glass table that's hor [ __ ] no that no no no no no it's not what it's about get your make your own new game okay how about you just that's what I'm saying a table you guys remember chest two they had chest two that instead of having straight up and down and they would have the uh go like this like lines so you couldn't really see where another opponent was really you couldn't really visualize it yeah so like you'd have the corner ones what go what go diagonal battle chess oh uh Rooks maybe bishop Bishops and they'd be like almost right above you so like well they can't get me but then you look at the the way it's like curved and you're like oh it's right in a diagonal The Rook is the castle right The Rook is the horse yeah no no the castle is The Rook you're right yeah the Knight what is Knight is the horse Knight is the horse ien for a game of for intelligent people we couldn't even remember the pie when was the last time you ever even tried to play I [ __ ] around with it on my phone like maybe a decade ago that was it what do you guys like Chinese checkers I was always a Chinese checkers guy Chinese checkers no that was always my favorite thing you could play up to like I think five people or something oh oh yeah all all sides a Jewish star but Wasington Park you ever go there and watch those CH players where they hit the clock and they slap the clock they only get so much time that's amazing stuff because they're really thinking like about this grand plan on this board and where all these pieces have opportunities yeah they trying to be sneaky and creative and they're doing it on a clock God I'm dumb I feel so stupid and they're like
homeless people too that are playing there like winners the thing about pool and the thing about Chess and the thing about there's a lot of these games that are so engrossing you get so locked like sucked into them that it takes over all your your all their ideas like there's a lot of Bachelors that yeah you just wind up some bachelor in some shitty apartment and you don't you just give up on having a girlfriend and you just gamble all the time and you get sucked into that lifestyle and you see that a lot of times with like pool with pool you see that a lot you know so the pool hall groupy like describe her would she get like passed around there's a groupy in every if you can think of anything if you can think of like miniature golf there's probably miniature golf once Tommy dut showed me who the the bowling groupies was were right after I was saying the UFC groupies that's when I realized everybody's got a groupy there are definitely pool hall groupies what's interesting they will go for the best players they always want to date the best players it's not about looks or young no no there's like dudes who aren't that good-looking but they're really good players and they'll get like pretty goodlooking pool groupies because the pool player girl like really wants to be associated with like a world class player oh yeah are they pool players too sometimes yeah most of the time most of the time yes usually smoke Mar the ones who are like play or pool players as well then they really appreciate how good a guy is oh yeah yeah so there's like but this I think that's the way with everything cello players and [ __ ] you know I mean and male to female as well I think there's men that are just obsessed with the way a woman sings they become you know fan of that just there's no getting around it you know we're impressed by [ __ ] yeah you just stay in that world and like that's all I all I care about to then that's who of course that's who you want to [ __ ] if a guy's a badass pool player and that's all you care about is pool like that guy's doing magic up there someone's talking about David Letterman it's like well the problem is he uses power to to get laid you're like oh you mean you can't build up a bunch of power then use it what do you mean it's half the reason to build power to become the
president so girls would want to [ __ ] you you're not like saying if I won't give you this this promotion without you [ __ ] yeah it's just saying they just come in wanting to [ __ ] because I'm President Bill Clinton and I supposed to suddenly go no that's wrong for me to accept and you're also supposed to deny a [ __ ] million generations of conquerors in their [ __ ] mongering ways and you've usurped them to become the [ __ ] king of the world I mean president United States is the king of the world I'm too good I don't get laid because of the system of catholism started in our country [ __ ] 200 years ago he's a noble man cha nobody's that Noble even the [ __ ] good one on Game of Thrones no well the Game of Thrones is like really even the good guy he [ __ ] cheated on his on his wife that's why he has that bastard son that they sent to the [ __ ] Castle cuz he cheated on his wife that's right that's right that's the good that's the best man that's ever been in that [ __ ] world that's true and spoiler alert let's not say anymore stop right there Step say stop it right there do you know this was Episode 600 yes that's crazy this is Episode 600 W I just did episode 200 this week on skeptic tank oh my goodness that's the same thing yeah 800 episodes between between us wow that's a lot of [ __ ] talking yeah shocking amount Jesus damn have you done anything interesting on your podcast lately like cuz you've uh my favorite one was the one where you had a talk with a hooker back in the day yeah I've had a few good ones like that I had this guy who helps run work at the uh Insight at that uh Vancouver place with a safe shoot up Place safe shoot up Place yeah you know Hasting Street's all [ __ ] zombies and [ __ ] heroin addicts and so they offer this safe shoot up place where you can tell them what you're going to what you're going to shoot up on and if something goes wrong they can tell the paramedics how to revive you and so it's just not so it's not as dangerous they give the cops don't bug it and then wow yeah so they told me all about that what it's like if that's [ __ ] going on and you know Jesus just regular questions turns out there's no [ __ ] going on because when you on
heroin that's your sex drive goes way down yeah that was a good one wow and then this week's about the Open Mic at The Comedy Store that was a really good one the open mic yeah about pot luuck wow did did you talk about how it pretty much got it chopped in half and how it's not as no this is about the Heyday with the with the was the freak Show the when when you hosted it when it was just a freak Show I'm giving up on these glasses yeah I'm having a [ __ ] aneurysm wait what let's do them backwards for oh to see what if it the Alters are oh things are different color a little bit yeah wow wow so much better oh it is better yeah definitely don't wear this for an hour or more just kind of look at the shirt in them we did like almost two hours with those stupid [ __ ] things on just kind of look at the shirt say wow cool and then uh take them off so when I hosted it was like um yeah I mean you hosted the employees and the showcases but before that part is the potluck part where it's [ __ ] 20 pure open micers which could be guys like me when I started or could be [ __ ] guys like Boon Shakalaka when did I host it if I one time but did I I host regular open mic night I hosted people like going on for the very first time ever uhhuh that's what Bob oshack did for years that's what I did for years Bob oshack is a funny [ __ ] dude I'm I was always amazed that Bob oshack didn't become like some sort of a he became one of the head riters at um at um Ferguson but I would I would have thought that he would be like HST a letterman like a famous guy yeah like he's really funny and really nice I think super nice good human only [ __ ] his wife ever one of those guys this is like like like you know polo shirt he's funny as [ __ ] too man but I think he really loves being in a [ __ ] writers room and just churning out jokes I think he loves doing that give me the topic I'll hit you with [ __ ] eight hours worth right now I just I've always thought that guy was going to be like some big household name like I remember watching him I'm like he's so composed he would have his bits he's like the opposite extreme of people who write on stage he wrote he was like 98% done with his bits when he brought him up for the first time is that wild yeah he was the open mike host
he was the potluck host when I started so he was like the first professional comedian I saw over and over again powerful baback powerful bab out there representing Middle America where's he from in La um some weird corn Tennessee or Alabama one of those weird spots oh yeah oh yeah he wears it he wears it for sure sure it wears it like a shield like one of those motorcycle jackets that with pads over elbows one bestok was talking about like it's okay to look that's all right but as long as you don't Hop On Her Like She's the last Chopper out her Nom he had such good like lines ah he's a good writer man yeah funny dude and just a good dude he comes around once in a while he's cool does he still do standup yeah yeah a little bit but Tommy kind of was like m kind of push him to the side so I think now he's back a little bit more that's really unfortunate yeah that guy should get spots but that's uh you know when you're primarily focused on one club and you have a bad relationship together that one Club but it was like that with MIT too MIT would give like one spot a week and it's one spot a month and it's like why she just like didn't want anymore I don't know but it's same thing though it's one Club you're talking about one guy letting you say yes or no isn't there something when you see certain guys where you go okay I think if you don't really pay attention to this guy you might see it one way but if you if you follow him long enough you realize there's like all these layers underneath there that you oh right that you weren't even seeing yeah like you looking at him you might judge him oh look at this guy he's wearing a tie he's on stage his glasses on he's trying to be cutesy he's trying to be proper but then like you watch him a few times you go oh this guy is like really funny yeah he's just making a presentation okay that's what Tom Pap is you like why you wearing a suit man man and you're like oh you're not a suit comic you're just wearing a suit yeah and you're it's like we're being prejudiced yeah exactly we love it because he wants to look good we're like [ __ ] you yeah whereas like if you like went on TV on some television show like The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson you had a hoodie on get the [ __ ] like who the [ __ ] you get [ __ ] wear something
nice you piece of [ __ ] you're not happy to be in front of us like it's your birthday there was some old jazz singer who got like one trombon is one of the greats like dizy Gillespie types and was like the one thing I was told was I know I was living out of my car but they like find yourself a good suit for when you're on stage you got to present you got to present well most important when you don't have money that's why those nvo re Nirvana type [ __ ] had millions of dollars and they were in tattered upe Allstars Cardigans with one button missing yeah like that was almost like a Badge of Courage that they like kept their wardrobe as real as possible yeah you know again if you could do that at the MTV Video Music Awards or whatever the [ __ ] you know you do whatever [ __ ] you want when you're in Nirvana you don't have to wear suits like nobody ever expected kir Co Bain to wear a suit if kir Co Bain went on stage with a suit on that would be him [ __ ] with you yeah exactly what are you trying to say here yeah but if you saw him the first time that night you'd be like uh I don't get it why we in a suit because that's kirco Bane wearing the suit yeah like yeah you're right sometimes people just don't see it right away like I wish you could see or or Comics sometimes choke under showcase situations that's definitely true I've done it yeah me too done [ __ ] on auditions I've done it on important sets like even your average is better than that it's hard damn I like 20th percentile instead of yeah you could I mean up till you know the time you record a special like when you're you're trying to develop new material there's always a possibility that it could go wrong yeah there's always that possibility I so Dave Smith this comic New York he's a really like actually really good political comic but he's new and he went up at the seller and just [ __ ] choked and then he had to wait around for her to come tell him no great like but maybe CU you always hold off in the the back of your head like but maybe maybe she'll be like well that was good you didn't have a good set but I like it nobody just goes yeah obviously I didn't do it right hilarious I was there so many times I felt so bad for him I was like
I've been there waiting maybe maybe maybe she'll just because she'll ah no they won't there's nothing crazier than watching someone perform in front of mity and here girl he's terrible get him off the [Music] stage gosh she's brutal no it's my dream pass that give the backhand wave away you have dealings with her at all yeah a lot yeah in the '90s she was lucid yeah she was uh when I first met her she was I had many conversations with her about comedy and what I was doing wrong say what you're doing wrong yeah she was going to point that out she goes you don't do new stuff in the beginning yeah bury it in the middle yep no she was right about that she was always uh really smart about challenging you so she would give you these sets where uh you would go on after whoever yeah whoever she thought was going to do the best she would shove you right afterwards to teach you like like this is what it feels like to be nobody oh you think you're you're good well then go after this guy you should go after Martin Lawrence in 1995 good [ __ ] luck God that would have been such a hard spot I took those spots I had after Martin Lawrence I had many of those spots in the main room bomb he was a killer too he wasn't just famous he was a killer plates of dry bum [ __ ] waiting for the light to come on please dude I I bombed going on after that guy here's when you know you're bombing in that room cuz it's so quiet when the neon light goes on you hear and you're like I don't even have to look over no I'm done you feel it it warmed your skin that's how feel the change in your forehead God that's what Sanchez said because she made him follow dice every night and then he he said he tried to be like extra dirty and that didn't work and then he tried to be extra clean that didn't work and then he was like well let me just do what I do I guess and then that was like what worked was just doing just trying to be funny you just have to accept your fate yeah that too at the the very least you got to prepare to dig your way out of the ditch in front of you just keep hammering away at
it don't lose your composure and don't don't try to you just you got to submit to the fact that you'll never be better than Martin Lawrence in 199 okay exactly we're there we're good can we do okay relax you're not going to kill big JC is those as good opportuni because like the crowd's in an awesome mood they just got true that's true and then some of it's being a comic and having to be like it's not just my material I got to [ __ ] move and shift with the [ __ ] new room well it's also a big J in 2015 is way better than I was 1995 I saw Simone go after Lou and he did this whole thing where he's like you got cuz it was just like you know those are big moments for a comedy crowd right and he's like you guys just got Louis CK you did that wasn't that fun you could come in here thinking you were gonna see him [ __ ] 1145 at night you saw that everyone's like yeah and they're get now he's pulled him into his own wavelength with like 40 seconds of that then he mouth [ __ ] them all and then he mouth [ __ ] all of them scbs by the ears there Roars in now you're going to listen to my stories of childhood you're going to like me and he [ __ ] killed but it's that technique of being able to like let me pull them in here like being a legit comic Steve Simone is easily in the top 100 nicest people ever to enter Show Business easily of every people that have ever lived he's easily in the top 100 nicest oh yeah that guy's so nice so nice he's such a friendly guy like who the [ __ ] doesn't like Steve Simone that if you tell me you don't I've never really experienced it if you tell me you don't though then it's like something's wrong with you car Michael J car that's about Simone shut up no Gerard's the second nicest guy you'll ever be he's pretty he pretty godamn nice just start a war between those two really nice ties Simone I heard Gerard's talking [ __ ] about you yeah let's bring in the pope this new pope you yeah you might think he's pretty cool but here's what he said about Gerard caracle his hugs are fake that [ __ ] he's have strength behind them sits in that regular chair and as soon as the cameras goes off bring me my throne he's my example someone of like a nice way to be he'll go out of your way to lock your door when he gets out of your
car well it's just he's one of those guys like you see him you always want to hug him you know he's just a genuine sweetheart here's a podcast called good times with Steve Simone and ESP special CD just came out C just came out [ __ ] remember this funny guy yeah and the guy also homegrown homegrown Comedy Store veteran yeah that's that's yeah St Simone started there started he might have done a few sets out a few in Philly and then came but like only a few yeah not much he grew up in front of us yeah he was the manager he worked there a bunch too worked there yeah vom I'm vomit always a good dude always a good dude no matter what was going onally depressed he was just nice to everyone well you know when things weren't going as well as they are right now now he's doing great like Steve Simone is starting to build momentum you know I hear a lot of people talk about him I hear tweets like when he was uh um releasing his album we all retweeted his album and all these people were talking about how funny he is he's a very uh very loved guy now it's hard to like get that connection and he's like the stories he tells on stage are so good like he's like one of those guys those Storyteller guys that are like the best around at it yeah like [ __ ] he's just a lovable dude charismatic lovable dude yeah yeah and he he grew that style out of that like battlefield of The Comedy Store where he's like I'm going to be my thing I'm going to tell stories of childhood and fun times and beautiful things and I'm go after some guy who's talking about going down in a girl during her period like tripy and just [ __ ] you know battling against some Heckler and then he's going to be like well now we're going to reset and have a great time that's so funny but yeah but that's like also Sebastian that's Sebastian's another one he's clean dice yeah I mean Sebastian is like but he's hilarious straight killer in his own super clean way yep and just like tearing apart like you know messy we just talking about that that he was [ __ ] on that he was like he's against that too what was it what was the topic it was the topic I forget what it was oh Uber he's against Uber it's like what it's hitchiking with Yelp that's what he said or it's
hitchhiking with your phone shit's on everything it's the best God he's good yeah I think that's what he said is Hitch hikking with your phone yeah he's funny dude I I was alone in a hotel room saw the Sebastian speci I saw his special on Showtime I think I was in Texas I think I was doing standup in Texas and just flipped on Showtime and I watched the whole thing and I was laughing I was I really really enjoyed it like it was really fun no he's great like he's one of the best in the business yeah it was cool to see though you know like because again like saw guy get past like Simone yeah you guys saw a guy get that going to become a paid regular start be like a hole in the Shell then get better then be like okay can stand his own then start getting better until he's one of the best comics in the country yep yeah who drew that Ari that's just amazing I don't know who did draw I got my wispy hair too when it's long that's how it gets I'll wispy like that such a good photo with balls you don't know who drew it oh who drew that I don't remember that I don't know somebody just posted on the message board they got my long hair well why don't you uh ask whoever posted where they got it let's see if we can give that person credit yeah the whole thing that's amazing this looks like you [ __ ] danieli blei really you guys [ __ ] each other was my balls was my ball balls right there the haha balls half half Jew have guiney kid that's pretty good I'm tired yeah from doing morning radio that's why my hair looks like that and there a shower let it air dry the morning radio thing when you're on the road that [ __ ] does get tiresome doesn't it it's just because you don't have a chance to sleep at full four yeah you know it's like it's like you all right you go to sleep it's like go to sleep like I'm not tired at 10: I was going to sleep at 3:30 in the morning the last three straight weeks yeah sleep at 10 p.m. the guy from The Message Board actually drew it his name is uh Tom silver I don't know what what is that oh silver Thomas Thomas Overby probably oh there you go Tomas Tomas thas over by wow that's his own art yeah wow he drew that while we're on the podcast he said that he started at the beginning of this
podcast and he finished that right then he's probably been drawing years since he was a child Tomas probably visions of me and then dedicated wall that's just covered in yellow spackling the dried [ __ ] of ejaculate all over he saw like all over your drawing face he says he says I drew this last year from AR's 7 minute [ __ ] sketch after failing horribly at a joey drawing oh nice yeah it comes from a 30f frame comic called AR shafir [ __ ] anol Lube where he you [ __ ] yourself and he [ __ ] you it's a longer piece it's really it tells a lot about the world we live in it changes it's meaning along the way many times and it's you got to stay along for the ride to get the full art to get the full or he really really analing me up really just bathing me in it care he takes in that really shows how a mother and child can really love each other must there must be a guy out there somewhere I mean if you know you were talking about how you tore your penis because of uh a lack of lubrication that's not a regular thing I've done by the way okay it just happened it's no big deal I understand I'm not judging you at all but would like someone with the diarrhea that'd probably be way more lubrication than normal way more lubrication plus the whole area would be super relaxed all blown out just you just empty out empty out a [ __ ] big gulp of splattery diarrhea had that little butthole it's like like the unprocessed like seeds have to like go on the side the ends of hot dogs twisty ends I I ate three times in Chinatown in San Francisco and I was [ __ ] out full noodles legit full noodles like process not leaves leaves I get and peppers but full noodles they were like the FL of my finger long ones God your body's like I'm not buying it man I'm not [ __ ] buying it you call this food we do not call this food what do they get it like look I am running this through all my [ __ ] natural computers and it's coming up negative did you did is this gutter oy gutter oy do they have that in uh in China China Town I don't know made it way dude I want to hear you hear the sound of it plopping again I don't want to hear it man that the plopping sound is what almost got you to barf I blame Jamie as
the second biggest [ __ ] up we're not continuing to play that plopping sound yeah it's a dark dark world yeah and that's happening right now somewhere in the world someone's digging into a sewer and pulling out a big shovel full of [ __ ] than buying it at the store just doing this is cheaper than buying it at the store so we' save money by doing this and look at the house that I bought if it wasn't for G Royal I couldn't have bought a house yeah that lady built an Empire on G oil gut oil Empire this lady's like d deep into that the People's Republic of China is that right oh my God somewhere she that who knows what the [ __ ] she actually said we're just reading when somebody translated oh that's a great Point she didn't talk any English at all yeah we were we translations you're terrible oh maybe they didn't say any of that she might have said I was about to lose my house and my children would have died and everyone would have starved to death and I had to take [ __ ] oil oh people are eating it though people are eating not just people like a lot of people Man Regular People I eat street food I didn't eat Street noodles though but I eat Street n food but isn't it oil that they cook in like could shut up Jesus yeah probably dude I was on I how many times did you eat street food the meat was great you would just point at a thing it would cost one yen which is about 16 cents and it was three or four pieces of a meat and I don't know how to pronounce any meat or how to say any of them so I'm like I guess that's this one of those please two of these and if you ate it you didn't like it you just threw the thing out cuz it was 15 16 cents wow and youat the next one like this one tastes good what do you think it was lamb chicken dog tail maybe probably dog right yeah dog is more of a Korean thing they said they said you could find it in China but it's not like really around much what the [ __ ] but you know what I what was maybe not want dog even more than I might have wanted it before just for the experience is you know how venison they got to clean well you probably know this got to kill it clean because of it dumps the adrenaline that it kind of ruins the meat it doesn't
heard that yeah it's kind of you heard that as a theory yeah I've heard as a theory but I don't think it's correct meet is the opposite they want the adrenaline so they beat on it for about 2 hours and smash the cage and stuff no really yeah and then kill it for tastier meat yeah I'm like well I'm out then then I'm out there's no way I'm only going to eat people meat I'm skipping over dog there's no [ __ ] way wow can I only eat racists this is pure bit racist this guy lied he said they were racist but some of these people were not I want a homophobe T-Bone really Revenge Revenge Worthy [Music] cut what the [ __ ] man what dog would you eat if you had to choose one i' would go retriever gold no they're too sweet they're fluffy no those [ __ ] slobber dogs get them out of the way I was at another restaurant another restaurant a fancy restaurant someone brought in a [ __ ] uh one of emotional support dogs a big [ __ ] Labrador Retriever sat down next to them at a table while they're eating and everybody's like you got to be kidding me no it's clean dog in Europe everybody brings in uh them so restaurants oh we're not in Europe no we're not we're in [ __ ] America America how dare you yeah tell them Brian where we from where America where are we from we are America US America we don't bring our dogs sit down next to our brunch yeah they probably wasted that meat in [ __ ] that oil [ __ ] oil you're you're still on that huh dude I want I want to I'll tell you something worse whoa how's that possible I was on Big J's pock guys Legion of skanks they kind of it's a morning Zoo type thing they have fun anyway they've been opening up fan mail because they're getting started as a podcast they're super excited but the fan mail they got they open it up on the air and they read it and they get sent stuff one of the things they got sent was cookies sugar cookies and we had all gotten high and I was like [ __ ] yeah give me that sugar cookie no and then uh Jay was like oh maybe you shouldn't eat I mean that was just from a fan I wouldn't necessarily eat I'm like what's it going to be [ __ ] weed cookie all the better let's do this and he's like no Ari we we do like long segments about
like we've done long segments about like coming on food oh God did like we had like a whole fight about it a few weeks ago like how you can come on food and and then like make people eat it and then as a podcast one we're like oh yeah I definitely yeah for for sure I somebody come Jes yeah just a [ __ ] cookie that's not nice no it's not that's terrible I was getting more nauseous as it went but I was like yeah whatever the happened what's in there on the other podcast you do you you have like contests where the back of bets now recently Josh Martin lost and you guys all had to come on a towel and he had to wash his face with this towel same guy you half half half monkey astronaut half Joe Rogan behind the star same guy the same guy yeah toas over by yeah over Bay dude he's amazing artist yeah [ __ ] dude yeah the back of bets was if Sam Chipley came in the last two of his fantasy league and not only did not come in the final two he won the Fantasy League so the loser has to take uh we all have to jizz onto a rag and then they have to use that rag as they're morning they have to reapply some moisture to reactivate oh my God Josh Martin and wipe their face with it so were you allowed to wipe it off after you wipe your face with oh yeah yeah yeah but you gotta wipe you gotta wipe it off so you got to do a little bit of wiping and then you can wipe it off afterwards yeah how many days what do you mean how many days how many days you have to do this for just once just have to do it once okay but reapply the water it's as if you know at the airport at at the on the plan like fresh towel you're like oh you love that I love that and then really get it in there yeah three people's come three people's come three people's come wcky on the rag um bag of bets I'm more sad that three people can come on a rag that easy is that easy like what is happen we're going to separate it we're not going to stand around it who the third guy has an issue the the third guy to come has a a real issue the fact that he can still shoot a load on the the dying loads of his two friends who are you who are you and what's getting you off like how how much is he knuckling his [ __ ] fing thumb deep in his ass just gonna
get there vigorously moving it just shaking it as fast as I can now has Josh already done this no we're doing the award ceremony The Comedy Store patio he's got to do it there in front of everybody oh we have all these bag of bets they're great do they watch porn while they jerked off onto this thing or they just jerk off from we just jerk off we just whatever we want to do it's up to us here's the rag now you go we had this bet where me and TBO bet on a round of golf he was positive he could beat me and we put in there loser has to watch every episode of Whitney in a row write a book report about it in a row oh yeah you have to do it in a book report about it you have one day off in Seasons TBO had to do it right yeah dude Whitney Cummings has this Fu I don't want to tell you what the bit is about I don't want to give up any of it but it is a murderous bit really she's got this bit that I've watched grow over like the last like three or four weeks that's good it's murderous dude she's been doing a lot of standup it's really interesting to see someone just really like catch momentum really just like you see a bit and you see working there's no reason why she can't become a really really like great comic yeah no doubt I mean you get the opportunity all these people that get the opportunity like we'll get you up they usually just stop doing comedy yeah no she does a lot yeah she's always on St on stage at the store I followed at the store like three or four times in a row i' I've see her at the Improv all the time that chick puts in work I respect the [ __ ] out of her yeah she is always doing standup and she's always like tweaking stuff and adding to stuff and changing stuff she takes chances she writes a lot she moves forward it's the Whitney model I tell everybody about move forward go do something think well this podcast might just do it anyway then it won't go anywhere just do it what you be lost nothing the time you're doing nothing move forward yeah write a bit make the short sketch do something just go she's a super likable person too like in real life when you talk to her she's really friendly you know so it's like you want her to you want her to be really good you know and now she's like just she's I I'll tell you off the air
what this bit is cuz I don't want to give up the what the the topic of the bit is God damn it's hilarious she's funny man this is a good time dude i' I've been seeing so many funny guys that I didn't even know were around at the store recently I got start remembering people's names Santino theovon is really funny but you know Michael Costa this is the hidden this the Hidden Gem of the comy St is Great's going to blow the [ __ ] up this is the Hidden Gem of The Comedy Store it's the late night sets with either Brian Holtzman or Brody Stevens I have seen them for the past couple weeks I've stuck around and the last guy on stage in the main room does as long as they want and a lot of times they go on stage somewhere before 1:00 a.m. and they have an hour if they want to they can go all the way to 2: a.m. and it's anywhere between 60 and four people in the room so the show starts out there's 300 plus people the place is mobed everybody goes up Crystal Leah kills and then it gets to the end and then Brody Stevens goes up and Brody Stevens made I was [ __ ] I was hyper ventilating crying laughing and slapping the table he has you don't I'm watching you not laugh I push I push you know who I am yeah I push dude those late where'd you go to school he'll tell you they'll tell you where he went to school if it's anywhere in Southern California anywhere he will tell you a major league baseball player who went there and they goes I know him you're going to treat me like that I went to I'm friends with your your highest honored person Arizona State Alumni two in one he'll always like [ __ ] on himself a little bit at the end yeah choked Under Pressure you choke during the big game I'm on the mcll it [ __ ] with my body temperature soof didn't work for me I had to move on I'd like to get off the meds he's [ __ ] awesome his late night show the other night it was um not this past Friday night but the one before my God man I was in awe what he well he's been doing so many warm-ups you know he does warm-ups so much he's constantly used to just completely ad living in front of like this group of people that's waiting for a television show to be filmed so there's like they'll film a segment they'll they'll All Right audience has to clap now and in between that set up
yeah he does it for a lot of show I go out there early and watch him I was like I just want to see you brother you're great fantastic at it but when when he's so fantastic at it what one of the things he does is he he has this incredible ability to make comedy out of nothing anything that's going on like he's completely free like he his his ability to add lib is like no one's like his ability to like move into the crowd and just start bringing everybody together and pulling like little little things that he said to this person to that person like he's so used to being free when he's doing those those warm-up things like constantly on just free flowing back and forth Stay Together people we're working here we're pushing I push I'm from the valley okay 818 to like die you know but he can do that in that rhythm with that sort of he's in us guys are the ra raw or they just can't do can't do the warm-up yeah dude he's a monster he was murdering the other night I mean [ __ ] murdering this is something Eddie found the other day Eddie if this is is what Brody used to send out to like managers and comedy clubs and stuff like that and it's a VHS personality human 27 years of experience trust me I understand comedy acor comedian may be your friend the picture of him he's so awesome I'm such a huge Brody fan yeah he makes Late Nights Fun especially when you're stoned yeah and then you just like go in there and just laugh and the crowd's like half full so it's like oh this is great Holzman almost had me barf once I was laughing so hard I was almost like it was like only that and Jackass 2 where I was like I just couldn't barely hold it those two guys if you ever see them on the lineup at The Comedy Store please go for the late night aspect of I mean go for the whole show but stick around to the end here's what here's what the story gets cool it's actually when you're out you're done out you're finished you're drunk midnight should we go home it's like no midnight to two it's just kind of raw Jazzy environment at the store just head into the store and sober up there yeah they'll almost probably let you in for free almost always unless it's still packed on a weekend or something last night there was a million dollar car there right parked par front
Porsche [ __ ] testers yeah Porsche 918 they were testing it like for like a these Porsche guys with Porsche jackets and there was a car ahead of them too with a Porsche nicee Porsche yeah oh I wonder if they like work they I think it was a prototype well no it's it's a it's a car that's available it's called a 918 it's it's incredible car that $875,000 sticker value yeah and that's if you can get one they're all spoken for so you'd have to pay some sort of Premium yeah you probably have to pay over a million dollars wow and it' be worth it too like pared at a meter on Sunset that's incredible that's a million dollars I touched it while people are texting with my dick what yeah people are texting and barely paying attention I know you know and this car is parked on the side right thereon yeah we were like there and someone's like hey look at that car we're like what oh yeah well I saw Veyron once in Hollywood which is even more expensive Bugatti Bugatti Veyron really it's is one one of the fastest cars in the world this big giant spaceship looking thing and that's more than a million wow that's like a million and a half or something there is the only thing is like when they open the doors I was really expecting like this really cool door thing that would like like go back and then up or something but it was just like this little door regular door well Porsche is like the the best they're the best designers in terms of like the right compromise between like ridiculous speed and and power and handling and also like efficiency it's a hybrid car yeah yeah but it's also like just the way they they they don't make things that are too extravagant they don't make like Lamborghini countes you know they like this big ridiculous fire breathing cars like they if they make a car like the width it all it's all about the engineering of the car it's like how fast can we get this car like what is the the best way the road yeah if they're making something like this but it's interesting because they're stuck with this 911 and that's the the the car that has the engine in the back it's like really not the best way to do it like you're not really supposed to have an engine in the back it's like it's it becomes unbalanced it swings back and forth put in the front cuz they they
started out doing it that way back when they didn't know only the 911 yeah and then they've sort of stuck with it because it's become a characteristic of the 911 it's wow is this the kind of car that Paul Walker died in like this kind of like his no well more horsepower but his was a Carrera GT and the issue with Paul Walker's car everybody's like well the car was like really dangerous like no it was not that dangerous according to everybody that I've talked to that's a car expert and it's not coming from me this Chris Harris told me Matt Farah told me the real issue was that the car itself had been on the same tires for a long time like seven eight years and they get hard and they have no grip and you have amazing horsepower and you're treating the car as if it's like a car with like current tires on it work car car tires actually Harden and dry up over like guys when that though you sound like the guys who were defending pitbulls in like the 80s it's not but it's not I know like high horsepower cars like it's it's a really high horsepower car but it's not so high horsepower that it would be dangerous right you know like I drove a car I never heard it was dangerous I just heard it just was going with to drive people have crashed it's a mid- engine car it's it's it's got a really good balance but it's really powerful race car driver you can't go so fast yes and it doesn't have the same sort of like traction based technology they have in in 2015 we have these weird like traction control like computers built in they know when one tire is like losing traction they compensate with the other side they break on one side to keep things moving look at his old phone I know it's amazing you don't even have Bluetooth in your car son of a this has Bluetooth I don't have a car AR shaffir for folks who don't know what we're talking about has gone completely back to the flip phone I like it pros and cons okay Pros Pros they're few far between uh one pro is I have to uh charge it every three and a half days obviously the reason why is because you can't do anything worth draining it for that's undeniable Pro you don't have to charge it that's great um two you can do ignore without saying no on somebody remember that on the old phones we could just stop the ringer without saying off
the iPhone never did you can do that they finally got that oh yeah they've had it for a while you just hit the volume button down or up and then I'll just silence it and let it keep ring but you can't set it stop ringing but not yeah you can get can't go back to what you're doing you have to like have to wait for it to finish ringing right before you can go back to your text and [ __ ] uh yes yeah yeah like as far as declining it yeah you want to pretend that you're not ignoring that call yeah yeah you just sit just stop pretending stop being stop pretending like I'm doing something I just end up I don't feel I don't I do not get upset when people send me the voicemail really you're like oh you were doing something so please do it please send me the voicemail for a goof I can't wait to send you the voicemail now but if you let me tell you this right now for every time you send me to voicemail send me another time to voicemail and avoid sending Joey Diaz to voicemail because he will burn your soul you got be Joey I can't talk right now I'm getting married I'll talk to you later okay bye yeah you can't do that you got to answer you got to talk to now the now the cons hey [ __ ] I'm leing your [ __ ] voicemail right now where you been all day I don't know man it's been 30 minutes relax it's 11 a.m. how that camera though that camera has to be amazing it's great man it's over one me megapixel 1.3 I use the camera and when I get text messages that have picture messages if it's any like look at this bed I made on a fight or something I have to forward that to my email wow and look at it on computer because I'm just not I just can't see it oh [ __ ] and then you have to do it forwarding on your computer to from your phone your computer you have to do that all by pressing like individual buttons absolutely I mean to hit an s or to hit the number seven you got to go 10 times cuz you're going to overpass the first time you forgot about that I think it doesn't get messages also cuz I think I've sent you stuff before and you'd probably just never received well you probably have that Sam just sent me a just sent me a picture let's how do you enjoy that oh that's like for the people listening it's about 40 pixels I don't even know what it is it's like a oh my
God that could be know what it is that could be anything my God is it like Time Square is it a funeral is people might be mus War aliens have landed now Ari is it annoying though like if you're driving you're like [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] L he said Barnett after Ohio State won the game Josh Barnett after Ohio State won the game maybe I don't know what but like if you're driving somewhere late at night you're lost Gone Gone okay also so yeah can't no GPS that's terrible but I already I found two new train routes that I didn't really know would work perfectly for in the in the six days I was off at New York I was like oh the six train goes in here and here oh I could just take this you you know they have the app that tells you that on Google map tells you what it tells you but it never tell me to take the sixth train and it's right there it shows you all it didn't tell me that I'm telling you like I've been there for a while and it would never show me that and I'm like oh I can take this I don't understand oh this one canect I I understand the map better because you have to look and see what connects to what so when you miss your train if you stop inside your shoes and miss the one train and you can't get a signal underground instead of being [ __ ] like which train can I take like oh well any of these the r the N the Q these all go there and you can figure it out by learning the maths which you don't do when you have it on your phone at all times sound recorder for you know not existent no uh I have to open it up keep it in my pocket opened uh cuz if you close it it's done so you going to go back to an you're going to get an iPhone 6 tonight gold one no I'm not I'm I'm way more present I'm more social instantly I look at my surroundings more that part is all carry on forward carry forward as is and trust me right now is the worst time for me to do this why is that because I've got a special I'm trying to promote coming out Friday Comedy Central midnight I've got my Storyteller sh coming out a week from Thursday that's starting why don't you make a statement out there to all the Techno files and perhaps techno junkies shall we say I don't know people said they couldn't live without it but it's like this is why we lived at seven years ago you can't live without you can't possibly live without you what you lived
with seven years ago you feel like your life has been enriched by abandoning the smartphone yeah a little bit really here's the deal we haven't tested it yet we haven't tested what the etiquette is the only reason people don't text while they drive anymore is because they had to make a law against it otherwise people just would so the idea that everyone will control it the right amount of time is sort of ridiculous they won't they've proven not to the the battery on the iPhone 3 was minuscule compared to what the iPhone 6 is and it lasts the same amount of time because we're on the phone way more I was going to say that you you should have like a phone like a regular phone and then an iPhone to do like social media type [ __ ] like an IP to do it then the problem is two hours in bed every morning before you get out of bed I was going to say that's your issue right you get sucked into the W get sucked in and people say well just don't use it well it's been 5 years come back to a ADI we have apps I get it yeah it's great it's they're great they're great it's just too much I think for your job and everything you need it no people just say you need I tweet from my phone I can Instagram from my computer you say you need it but do you need things wait you can Instagram from your computer uhhuh how didn't know you could do that it's an app oh that's interesting I've only used like the web browser so then you can like change [ __ ] on computer stuff you can't do like on your phone and then like update it right there put me in yourself I have to check it out yeah no you would like that anyway but but like uh I just don't you just don't trust yourself and also I see it on on elevators the doors closed everyone gets out like that you don't people don't even look at each other I walk down the street in New York I go 10 blocks in one of the most exciting cities in the world and I haven't looked at my surroundings at all I just haven't even had any new input and you get connected with everyone there is that but you're connected really with the circle you're already in Friendship wise so then you don't make new connections you're like yeah I can connect with this friend I'll tell him how he is on Facebook or on on whatever on text and then there's no reason your
body doesn't make you like say oh hey you reading that book I read that it's a good book everyone just shuts in they just go to their phone can't bother somebody on the phone somewhere Dana White's just going like a found Dana I mean I knew I tell use a flip phone and I was like well that makes sense but then Louis was like yeah I went to one them too I was like no way really I mean you got a lot of [ __ ] going on and then when I found out Dana White flip phone I found out Dana White did it too and I'm like God damn Dana White has never moved from a flip phone Dana White is so good with his flip phone he can send you a message while looking right in your eyes he knows exactly what button to press he said all sorts of people are doing it I asked him about it he said all sorts of people are doing it wow he's like more and more like like people that are like winning in life like doing [ __ ] this is how easily influenced I am I'm I'm ready to switch I mean here's the deal there's growing pain there's Growing Pains the first day you're like I need it but that's what happens when you quit caffeine you're [ __ ] you got headaches fascinating I think if you have an iPad Mini it's totally do that there's no reason like I think if you have a 42in screen that's on a wheel that rolls in front of you where you go like handlebars well I think nowadays it's great Snapchat half of them is just to get laid half those things are just like instruments of sex GPS how dare you instruments I I mean the reason I have a Facebook fan page at all is cuz some woman wrote me that once on there once and pretty much laid it out there she wanted to hook up and I was like damn it I missed it it's already gone from the city now I check it every two days won't go without checking it again cuz of that one time all right it's going to be okay anyway it's been pretty cool I'm okay with it GPS sits weird Uber is tough you can only Uber away you can't Uber back oh so in a city like this where I don't have a car what make what do you mean you can only U the bus for the first time what does that mean Uber from my computer oh then getting back home was difficult cuz you can't get back you took the what from the where took the from the from the from the doctor's office what the [ __ ] are you saying to me whats goes here I just
looked and I was like oh that goes right by the b a regular bus in Los Angeles California Jesus I take it twice first of all the first time ever was like all Mexicans first time there was two black people there was a [ __ ] uh a couple from uh Australia two white people and maybe like six or seven Mexicans but it was other people too and then the second time I took it they were full on homeless people on there it was pretty disgusting so Tinder is probably impossible tind but a Tinder I deleted from my phone nine times anyway I've already Tak addicted like Duck was with World of Warcraft I'm like I can't anymore when I got nothing out of it I'll delete it and then like a month later I'm like oh I just did Tinder they don't have any apps that really limit your app use yeah they do no they have apps to tell you you're at your two hours and then you're like ignore keep going well you can always shut it off all right you can always go deep in your settings and say [ __ ] you you could always double tap on that bottom button and delete those [ __ ] but then you just read get immediately maybe what do you mean that's so easy to do when you're like to learn how to have a little discipline in your life fear not stop blaming it on iPhones I got rid of cable for the same reason 10 years ago M again nothing wrong with cable boy you know what's better for cable it's better to have cable than to not have cable okay you don't have to watch cable if you have cable you have to constantly be glued to the [ __ ] television God it's a sickness it's always on you can get away from Brian come on you can't do that that's ruining Tinder now girls don't see it as a real match when you actually do match cuz you're [ __ ] idiots you're just like like liking all day it should be something special that once you do like each other now they're like wow this guy's interested to me now they don't even know that because of you guys that are always liking everything you and Pete Davidson and all these guys like like like like just have a a little class with it no it's a [ __ ] site just have a little bit of class and we can all have a nice [ __ ] site you're ruining it with your [ __ ] lack of patience is it ruining it talking about
it right now no it's a great site but is it possible not underground that's ruining it talking about it is it ruining it talking about it you did way more damage than I did cuz you just told 100,000 people that the benefit of just accepting everybody is it's more better odds what are you doing you're sticking it right in front of our faces what are you talking about you were interrupting the conversation trying to blame it on me I would't even brought yeah how dare you how dare you I love when you can only hear a laugh when someone knows they've been like oh yeah good point that kind of laugh it's like well my point was just trying to show you that you can't do Tinder like how I mean there's there has to be so many things that you are actually I'm so addicted to Tinder is one of the best examples of why I should not have a phone it's garbage it's awful it takes all your time all right what if something crazy happens like like you know like Terrace let's let's talk about's and you are like you know walking in a park you hear all these explosions people screaming you go to your phone and your with your text based I don't know everyone's going to go to their phone somebody's going to be like it's the [ __ ] terrorists they say run that way okay you probably checked your phone run that way you say fine I'm GNA wait and [ __ ] enter into my [ __ ] search engine well you will be so easy that's everybody does when they show open up their apps everyone's like no let me do it on my app let me get the Google search so easy to deceive you so easy I'll go down fast they're going to get to pull up the wrong website they're going to stick it in your face it's going to be one of those like onion type websites Snopes it already running you're running the WR way there's no dragons you're fre Bridge they said there's some to pick us up here they use your footage for their documentary of suckers they have bridge and X Files that everybody just on these are dummies without Google watch what happens to them keep Googling your life okay you're on the run a road trip you're on the road doing doing a gig and you rent a car give me a better example give me a better example and you rent a car yeah with the GPS in it yeah uh say it didn't
have GPS and they have if I rent the car you get lost it's 4 in the morning you get completely lost your your car then I'll do what I did in high school and I'll find my way home and it'll be such a fun adventure It'll be such a fun adventure trying to find your way home God we used to do it all the time I would just let myself get lost on purpose whoa God it was fun you learn your surroundings that way you really see a city that seems like a terrible suggestion get lost on purpose I get it when I was in Shanghai and I had the [ __ ] GP telling me exactly which public transportation direction to get there that's amazing that's awesome and I'll miss that I might get a GPS how about you just have a little discipline boy and let us have our [ __ ] iphon your texting sucks your voice quality sucks I'll tell you this that's a shackle son that's a technological shackle I'll tell you what I found really interesting and also by the way you can watch my special on your iPhones yeah you can watch it on flip phone no you cannot watch it on myli phone please do not watch it on my flip phone um the reaction people give me to me saying I'm just doing this for a while is really similar to the reaction um smokers give when you say I'm quitting smoking when uh pill poppers give when you say I'm done with pills or alcohol it's real similar people react sort of viscerally they get angry at you I'm feeling that right now you are you're like [ __ ] you get mad not so much you we're all talking but like like what are you doing stop that like why do you care so much well people that have addictions like if you're a coffee drink and you go to have coffee with your friends every morning oh but if you did you know if you're but when I say no I don't do that then they go no but I'm saying what I'm saying if a guy just quit on you stopped drinking coffee and you meet every day like you're not going to have coffee no I don't want I'm goingon to have a water oh what you're too good for coffee yeah exactly come on have a [ __ ] coffee what are we doing having coffee but it's like come on you getting rid of your iPhone dude we have iPhones we have iPhones this what we do don't don't [ __ ] this up I want to be able to Google I want to be just like you I love it I love Googl I want to
Uber back and forth back and forth It's like pros and cons so they outweigh each other I I'm going to try this way for a little bit why don't you just try this this is just this is just Why don't you just this is just Why don't you try this why don't you try going back to an iPhone like a [ __ ] human Okay and then this is the move this is the move just write a rule write a rule where you can't look at your phone I had one where I was like I won't even I won't check it until I go just let me go to coffee shop which is like a block away from me in New York just go outside and then I can check it all from there and I was like well let me check once before I go out yourself give yourself three points in the day were you allowed to text message check test text messages let's can I translate that for you are you going to tell him that about cigarettes um I'm not telling him about you you only get three cigarettes but then that's a good way to do it you know dogs that out of the litter box he's one of those and you yell at him a couple of times and you keep catching [ __ ] torso deep into a litter box Che on cat [ __ ] those dogs are always going to eat cat [ __ ] you know why they like it tastes like food you got to leave them alone tast food yeah you're right all right but a smoker you going to tell them to like just smoke three a day tell but I can't tell him that but I can tell you that you're right but you wouldn't tell me to smoke three a day I would not tell you any cig you're aded so stop because that's going to give you cancer but I don't think the cell phone's going to give you cancer if you check your test me check your text messages three times a day but it won't just be that you're right there well if you only give yourself three strikes carry around a pack of cigarettes in your pocket and say don't smoke any give yourself three strikes always dude they have these programs that you can say it lights up so you've gone over your hour a internet use I'm a man I don't need no [ __ ] program you just tell yourself I don't I don't really think I need any of those things besides text and email not text and email text and phone do you still have a copy serve email address my agents I tell them like if you need me something follow up on only right away you got to have to just call me or text
me and say hey I sent you an email check that because they business-wise they always feel like that anyway like how come you hav check that email like I don't know it's been 4 hours right they want you to be checking your email all day long yeah you're in an office I'm not yeah I mean and it's weird that they don't want to talk to you on phone just call you sayy Ari listen you got to listen to this there's a new offer coming in they want you to shave your beard porn I get it man yeah porn I got to drag my whole [ __ ] laptop over my bed like a goddamn [ __ ] Savage Oh C person like an [ __ ] what do you do with it when you're done you can't just [ __ ] god it's a battery runs out so battery runs out yeah poor Ari it's not like I great for that damn it feels good to be a gangster yeah AR shafir given as little [ __ ] as possible slinging some 1996 technology Adam e like did you have a special and a show coming out why do you have a flip phone it seems like that's not even the best one you can get I researched it it's pretty good damn it feels good to this one's one of the better ones really 300 contacts oh God yeah I didn't realize that would be an issue until it was like no [ __ ] way some of these are 100 contacts wow yeah you could it decide this one has 300 so that's good 300 plus I think 300 mm dude it's like for phone calls for calling People pretty [ __ ] dope yeah you get your right up to your ear yeah does it doesn't have does it have Bluetooth yeahhuh it does so does it sync up with a car have you done that yet no but I could but I don't drive but I Bluetooth it from uh the other phone where do they fit it between the battery and all the phone [ __ ] but when you think about it man like there's something satisfying about like going well flipping it over you know oh yeah hanging up just like that it does feel good part feels good that's a pro all right take care slight Pro that's pretty dope sure you get a case that would do that they should have that for iPhone cases just a slap shut and there's no like pocket calls or stupid [ __ ] there's no pocket texting or you open up and your all [ __ ] your phone's on Spotify a lot of unexpected oh yeah exactly what is that how did I do that people Skyping me all of a
sudden Dick's trying to make a call no thanks yeah this is pretty dumpe dude I would have to have a phone too when I went and started doing way more sets in New York doing three or four night I would uh my body reacted weird after a while I was like I think there's too many spots because I was like not really getting the most out of them and then I just overcame that like learning curb and I was like oh actually okay if I just gear up for it this this is fine but it just felt too many because it was twice or three times as many as was getting before you know but then I was like had to get used to it and now it's like cool I like that and now if I have one spot in a night in New York it's like oh come on that's was in it oh that's interesting yeah so a lot of these with this phone where it's like oh I got to have that it's like easy you'll get over it just like cigarette urges where it's like if you wait 10 minutes before smoking that's a good way to quit smoking if you wait 10 minutes every time you have an urge and then if you still have the urge go for it yeah but to me it's like promoting shows I'm like oh I need to promote the shows while I'm on the road you know I'm like I'm like going to get something to eat I'm like I definitely gotta be better about doing that for my computer but you can time tweets out from hoot site real easy yeah but sometimes you know yeah sometimes sure and then there sometimes you write a whole bit because you're meeting someone and you're not in your phone checking your [ __ ] Instagram and you have a r about that meeting I mean you said it you've seen all the people on stage doing jokes about apps it's non-stop that's everybody's life I just I guess I use my phone for way more than just Twitter but you also use it for way more than just work yeah but I mean I'm using as my voice recorder on stage I'm using for my G my ways on the way home here to see which way I should drive home so I'm not wasting an extra hour in traffic right right right you know there's just so many like little things that like I'm I mean do eat 24 so when I get home there's going to be food waiting for me you know I can't you know there's so many little things that you know it's yeah but you don't have a problem with being addicted to your phone it doesn't
freak you out I think what Ari's doing is was you're trying to optimize the way you think and you're trying to optimize where you focus your attention on and you felt like you were spending too much time just staring at a little device and it was taking away from the way you think taken away from the you interact with people Mak totally totally taking away from the way to interact with people absolutely yeah yeah well just saying that you saying that and you know taking into consideration it it made me reconsider it there's this etiquette that's evolving with it now where people are on during dinner a lot you know and it's like we don't know we you're supposed to or not because it's such a fast changing thing that we haven't built a [ __ ] a way of a manner system around it so we're developing it now you know it's becoming more and more like put your phone away it's dinner time right you know but it's like have to devel we don't know it's just getting it's busier and busier all the time and yeah it takes you away from who who you're around isn't that what hipsters say isn't that what the whole thing that a hipster is what it's like against the you know no that's not hipster yeah it is with the term of hipster that's exactly the term of hipster against the norm what you think about Goths also and about like all those groups are against like the norm I mean hipster one of those groups that's are just Uber fashionable well they're just fighting against what they think is like a stayed and boring standard yeah you know but yeah fighting against the currently accepted dress codes and all that [ __ ] wearing Cardigans there's something to like you know how when you're on stage and you can't think of a joke and you're just like doing it anyway and but you need an ending and you just the panic in your mind will force you to create an ending right then sometimes yeah if if you don't have your phone to go to when you're in an uncomfortable social situation you'll feel that uncom uncomfort level for a while and then your body will like I don't like feeling this way so instead of going to my phone that was a way out now it's like oh hey you're a Raiders fan too yeah [ __ ] man whatever they they had some good years there or whatever it is just
something to get out of this uncomfortable thing I can't just met somebody and hung out with them and try to make a new friend and they're on Uber all day and TW or you're on Uber Instagram and storm face the place just following his cars tweeting up a storm and Facebooking up the joint yeah I could see Facebook offers nothing to your life anymore but it does if you like Facebook God for some people Facebook is it's like their community of friends of friends that you're like I don't even know most of these people most people don't know most of their Facebook friends right have no memory they have to really think hard and they're just an online community I don't know it's okay it's cool that part's cool but then you're missing other parts what do you think about the potential for virtual realities online have you ever talked to Duncan about this me show me Oculus game have you seen the new version or the old version no I saw one from like few months ago yeah that's the I haven't seen the new one either but he called me at The Improv one night with fevered pitch in his voice man it's a [ __ ] game changer man dude this is [ __ ] bigger than the internet this is bigger than space travel this is bigger than anything he told me about this uh Oculus Rift where it's this guy goes into this room and it's all in like 4K HD and he said you really feel like in this room and you walk up to a piano and you interact with this guy that's at the piano and he's like it is a mind [ __ ] he said it's so stunning and so realistic that you know it it just makes you realize like oh my God this is like if if technology inevitably we all agree is going to continue to get better I mean we've all experienced nothing but that in our life there's been some bottlenecks along the way but people always figure out some new power source or some new battery supply or people figure out how to get people unlike any of us in this room right figure out how to get through that [ __ ] we we assume that they're going to keep doing that and if they keep doing that if they're at that now in 2015 this insanely [ __ ] Rich highdef Oculus Rift where you're looking around it almost feels like you're in the room they apparently the way they
filmed it they put cameras all over the guy yeah so like everywhere you look like they have like an image for that wow like you can look down you can look up you can look at the sky you could walk through the room and look behind you like you you you're walking into it like it's a three-dimensional environment and they're going to be able to do that with these they have these like circular treadmills they're 3D treadmills so it's like the H Hollow Suite from Star Wars truck yes you're just running around in these things you put the headgear on and you sort of like run around on this multi-directional treadmill like the treadmill goes left and right and back and forth and as you're moving around on it like eventually you sort of get a Groove with what you're seeing and your headset and what you're feeling when you're running around and you're running through this artificial world wow this is going to get really intense man yeah then what are the long-term effects of that like in short term it's like oh I don't know but like longterm is something different too like how does it feel once you like the kids today like your kids a lot of people get sick from it though that's the big problem that's what they kept saying in South Park too it's like yeah some some people have a really hard time with like not quite even with it you don't know which way it's going or you look down it looks a little bit less down than you're looking yeah I have one and it kind of makes me after like a good 3 minutes I'm like all right I got to take it off CU didn't read your eyeball so if you look down then you're looking to there but then you look further down with your eyeballs you know but it just reads that your head is going down H maybe cuz when I'm in the front seat on Laurel Canyon and not driving I don't know when it's going to turn right or left that's when I get the most nauseous what they're going to do eventually they're going to be able to 3D map your body and you're going to be able to just show up like kicking the door of an orgy and and chicks are just going to hop onto your dick and you're going to feel it you're going to feel them touching your body feel them so you know go into this thing with electrodes placed in various spots in your head and
I mean if you make it perfectly real perfectly real where your body can't tell a difference then I mean you're not really going to have a reason to leave the only reason to leave and see the outside world is because like well you can't replace reality but if you can replace reality then it's like really there's no difference stay there you would want to live in somewhere that really sucks like Montana in the winter just for like a day yeah just where it's really brutal you want just to to to to appreciate the reality difference between what this artificial world is that you have in your little computer set up and what the real world is outside wonder if you get happiness getting sun in the artificial world I bet you could if it fill you with vitamin D son while you're getting blown on the Beach come on son you know you're at the Mast of a boat Dr King's real dream hanging on you've got it wrapped around your wrist several times you're holding on to the Mast you're being pulled across the ocean you can do all those things like that while while chicks are blowing you wow come on that'd be great that's l that'd be great can you IM if we really do come up with some sort of technology that replicates that I mean what what incentive do people have to engage in regular life they're not going to so let's just assume they're going to stop because I don't see a reason why they would that's scary as [ __ ] to think that you could create an artificial world that would be so intoxicating that people wouldn't want to participate in the regular World we're on that direction now as soon as this podcast ends you both all three of you and I would have too are going to bury yourself in your phone for the next 30 minutes I cat catch incorrect my willpower is outstanding you feel nagging at you at all times too right I certainly do that's like a pull like I got to check this I got to stop I got to check this I'm getting way better at it I'm getting way better at like putting it down just leaving it somewhere developing a a manner system about it but people get upset that's the other thing if if you if someone texts you and they like you know they'll text you like three hours
later or not and like sorry I just got back to my phone like I put it down for a while I don't want to be always available at all time can't go see a movie people like don't even give you time for that I plug it in and just like drop it off and I forget I even have it on you got to do that I think you got to disconnect and I I know you promote shows and you promote shows and I promote shows and you know like you you can use that as an excuse but I think there's something very admirable about what you're doing I think there's uh there's some wisdom in what you're doing too well that's all I wanted some goddamn respect yeah I'm respecting it I think it's the move I think to have both is the move but to give that to your closest friends I think that's the move so when you uh you have to do some horeshit you know you got to do some [ __ ] tax problems you got to call on a you had that guy sign this and back to meu do all that [ __ ] on their phone do that on the iPhone but all your friends your actual real social interactions if you put someone in your regular flip phone you really care about them yeah you just keep this in your car just in case if you need to drive or go to see what a good rest I keep it in my car so I couldn't even use it in my bed yeah and you can keep that on you so just to make maybe I'll plug the battery into the into the thing and then superglue that so I literally cannot unplug it from the car charger ever again yeah why not going my car leave in my car that's actually a good move yeah yeah I mean you could always like break it loose and go some [ __ ] [ __ ] super glued my charger to my phone can you fix this they just get you a new one I guess that' be too hard to get on right then to go on Twitter Apple they probably have a Kensington lock or or case has a Kensington lock which is just it's just a case that you can just connect it to like a wire kind of what they use as displays at Apple St they can't steal it yeah something like that glues to it and it clamps on the outside of it yeah I guess if they have them at Best Buy they would have to be able to sell them to regular people it's not like it's government secrets or some [ __ ] you probably buy one of those yeah you probably could you just keep that [ __ ] in your your car like or maybe in your
house great let's go to an Apple store after here and we'll get you an iPhone why do you that's that crazy I care the care that I need to get in this in the game I'm off the train for a little bit junk I'm not off the grid just off the train it's hard to track you with that phone is where you at that didn't catch on where you at oh there a button where I can track at my friends at all times that was one of the uh there's there's there's several things that stand out as being uh ridiculous to call racist uh one of them was you know what happened with maroto at the Golden Globes you know about this thing Mar show at the Golden Globes played Kim Jong un's publicist from North Korea she put like white face on like put on like like pale makeup and like played the dictator or a dictator or someone who works for the dictator right and people were saying that it's racist I'm like dude she's [ __ ] Korean that's the race she is she said it's not racist it's racist don't give a [ __ ] huh she's great well she's [ __ ] Korean not only that she's a mixed North Korean and South Korean okay so [ __ ] off man she could say whatever she wants like it's just people are just waiting they are just sweaty trigger fingers to be here's the problem I'm offended saying something's racist is not just saying a racist thing is not racist acts are racist murdering people because they're black that's racist well saying just saying I hate black people that you haven't done anything to the world so fine so it's racist you haven't done anything go after people who are actually doing something yeah I guess but I mean oh this guy has that opinion okay so let him have that opinion just ignore him that's him being his racist self fine but you can't not hire black people at your company or we're going to run you out of here that's the line doing something yeah but you don't want a hostile work environment no you don't want someone's going up to people and say [ __ ] you [ __ ] you don't want that and obviously I chose [ __ ] because I'm the other one's going to be too divisive the other that other word the n one are you gonna say that I was thinking of it I switched last minute came with chunk be scared you don't want that but if you someone wants to think that then fck [ __ ] fine do anything about it not
fine right you don't want them around you right but that's not up to you I don't want [ __ ] around me either that's not up to me okay Ari if you start a factory you're producing Ari shafir t-shirts and you're in that office all day long you choose to answer the phone because you want to take care of this business correct yeah and you hire two guys and one of them turns out to be racist and every day says a bunch of stupid racist [ __ ] and he poisons envir making the environment bad that's different well they all are anybody that's racist or sexist or home find out they say something later outside of office hours at home then no that's not a problem for my office not outside of okay so it's legal to join the clan how dare you it's legal to do this very outspokenly racist thing that's legal you know the clan is trying to invite PTO Ricans in really why they're in inviting all these other people in trying to expand their Horizons seems like a mistake no they're not you just they are oh my God that's amazing that's amazing I'll pull up the story the KKK is trying to expand their Horizons doesn't seem like a good idea what inviting minorities no just Puerto Ricans I I bother well I think they're trying to say all it does to vilify people that say racist things is make it so that no one can speak the KKK is accepting black members here is what is actually happening this is hilarious yeah just come into the clubhouse guys just go to the store sectional Jewish people yes you read corre expanding to accept African-Americans man you would really have to hate other black people to join the C KK as a black guy click on it instead of just it's load yeah we're having a bit of an issue here well in this time I guess I should tell you guys it's starting a week from Thursday my Storyteller show this is not happening is on every night after at midnight oh good lord that's amazing people who do it include from this podcast Joe Rogan and me incredible Cher's on Diaz is on uh a bunch of people DL hugley Rob cordry oh my goodness seura powerful Tom Sakura [ __ ] bunch of people Miss Pat I'm forgetting a lot but anyway eight weeks oh there it is there it is I think you can see a full episode right
now if you go to this Comedy Central app or Comedy Central standup app I got to tell you I like the classic jacket you wearing there you like that I got that in Hong Kong look good it looks looking very good they told me I had to uh I had to break out one outfit the whole time and I was like you know what that was the right time for this suit yeah how many suits do you have two now I got them both made in Hong Kong damn I had a third but that was like move out to LA find a real job did you decide like the style did you just he helped me to decide just uhuh it was handmade that looks nice I mean uh a style Off the Wall do they have a style to choose from yeah he's there's like a few different cuts you can you can choose Rocky he's the best that's amazing dude you wear in tailored suits that's dope as [ __ ] 300 bucks son you're a baller you're an international baller International baller look at you shafir and it's not herpes I remember when you were a door man at the comedy store now you're an international mother [ __ ] baller a true American success story ladies and gentlemen true American Holla At Your Boy AR shafir thanks yeah yeah are you excited to um have your special play I'm excited I got to be honest man uh the people who listen to this podcast are the reason I was able to do that you know the Comedy Central would even like come up to a guy like me it's because of the force behind this thing there's no way I can try to be as as good as I want but if I'm an outsider which I was that's it they ain't come and calling that way yeah you know there's no Outsiders anymore yeah you know this this is the like these kind of shows internet shows where there's no network behind it that's the last Bridge yeah you know the last bridge between just exactly it's like I'll just find my own people so people found me and that's great and they they they put the money behind it do a cool special at The Comedy Store make it look all cool yeah yeah don't play any of it J it looks great though the uh the uh great I like the way that came out yeah it looks awesome I mean it's so obviously the O but yet with like a little twist to it with those lights behind you this pretty cool like ever so slightly I took it down so much yeah no no no no why this light bulb get it out
get it out why this light bulb no get it out yeah that [ __ ] room is magical oh that looks great that room doesn't leave any there's there's no space for horseshit in that there's no space for warhit yeah it's weird it's weird try to Rift and it's like good luck well you can you can that's that was a bad example I mean like if it's not all there and you're like a that should have worked like no he wasn't good you made a bad riff it's okay they're not going to just laugh anyway well just forces you into that position where you really got to try hard to find the right words and like that's one of the things that I was talking about earlier about this time that we're in right now one of the cool things about it is that there's so many other really funny guys around that we're all feeding off each other and you you get inspired by each other so you like everything is sort of ramped up in your even in your mind like all your your connections to Comedy your ideas are sort of ramped up because there's all these really good guys around you all the time you know I think that's that's huge for sort of yeah absolutely the bar you see the bar set higher yeah once you see the bar set all high they it's like well that's what I should be aiming for and fall short of that which you will in the beginning anyway then it's like you're falling short at a 50th percentile but if the bar set at 40 yeah if you fall barely short you're still at 39 well I think also one of the things that we sort of exhibited um after uh after I left the comedy store and when we started doing a lot of [ __ ] on the internet and start doing um this podcast is that we we're all sort of like Banning together as like like a group like there's a a group of comedians that are all banding together and the more everybody else does good the more everybody else does good they like more comedy see people see fureon like I saw my fureon great man yeah you should know about them yeah in your town you should go the guys like that it's like go everybody's feeding off everybody and it's getting to this like really interesting like pitch and if you look at like great uh communities of great communities of musicians great communities of comics like the the old Boston days that everybody always talks about like this I think this this day
right now hey day is is the hey day like we're in the Heyday right now when I look around Golden Era absolutely I agree with you Golden Era without any of us in this room when I look I just extract us from the equation just look at all the if you were just a comedy fan that was a insurance salesman or whatever yeah like this is maybe The Best Time Ever yeah there's so many guys I want to see right now and one of those guys has a special premiering Friday the 16th at midnight 11:59 and is Storyteller show premiering January 22nd at but you should just buy the extra footage on Eric AR shafir the great yeah but some people just don't open up the E wallets that way if you're not a buyer then you're not a buyer still watch it yeah but you get the just for the j&a I think the is great um how do you feel about people pirating the D&A is that Ultra insulting no what do you mean why would it be insulting if someone say hey everybody look at this awesome thing no hey everybody come look at this thing CU they're pirating your j&a do you not understand what I'm saying you cheap joke oh I got get it I get it I get it I get it sorry my fault well you're a a non-jewish supporter of pirating like you never give a [ __ ] like you don't have this this attitude like trying to maximize your income it's like until people get you yes of course that's how they get you the j&a is only available for the download so if you don't get by the download how else you going to see it other than somebody [ __ ] doing something with it somebody's saying hey you should come see this mhm that's the way people you know the old Wrestling tapes are like that let me show you all this wrestling match you didn't know about that's how you [ __ ] that's how I just did a thing with wrestling wrestling yeah people used to trade tapes cuz it were like the regional ones were on like local TV so people have old tapes and like oh look at this guy's moves and that's and it wasn't like it wasn't pirating it was like sharing information that's all this [ __ ] is couldn't put up my own hotel set for [ __ ] because Viacom would kept taking it down really but I had to call Comedy Central like can you please put up my AEL set and they're like yeah okay wow but it's like ah just going let me
disperse my information yeah and if I think people are under the impression that if something's online they won't watch the television as much they're separate markets yeah separate markets you know Bo burnner released his special on Netflix and YouTube yeah well he's a YouTube celebrity I know but the people who watch [ __ ] like that on YouTube are not the kind of people who watch it's just like they're sort of separate there's a little overlap but they're sort of separate there's enough watch concerts online and also overall for ticket sales is great well there's also enough people that spend that that's seven bucks a month every month on Netflix and it's just as easy to get it through Netflix yeah like you're there's so many options of things that you can watch if you watch something like Netflix yeah and so and no commercials no commercials seven bucks no Comm Hulu has commercials right Hulu have Comm commercials yeah annoying ones the same ones yeah like why are you showing the same commercial three times in an episode but it is pretty fast though they're trying to steal your soul they crank it extra loud too they don't have those rules on them like come on man my neighbors are [ __ ] listening yeah like if you're watching the fing dead or something like that that's really spooky and creepy and quiet yeah Geico look at the lizard come on get out of here you're invasive you know it's funny all these networks have this very specific like this is what we want our Network to be to be about and they take these [ __ ] ads that are so offensive to anyone's sense of creativity Taco Bell ads they're just [ __ ] garbage based on shitty jokes you've seen a thousand times and you're like this is what you're putting on in between your [ __ ] awesome shows nothing make a [ __ ] better standard for your commercials cling it's bothers either straight pitch you know use this Bank we'll get you a better APR or F not corny H is the time of the intrusive commercial gone intrusive ridiculous seems ridiculous now you're getting all awesome entertainment that's why nobody plays commercials on podcasts and if you want to watch middle of it and go a real commercial a lot of guys do but if you want to watch like a television show
White Castle that's why you're a hold of year sorry you want to watch if you want to watch a television show on A&E that's also available on iTunes like you're going to have to watch with commercials what are you talk it's crazy isn't it crazy it's crazy I haven't watched TV like that in so long it just seems like it's just so crazy what that will be in the future what we think of as Blockbuster video right now like the idea of going to Blockbuster and getting a video is so alien right now like unless you're like in Hawaii you know and you're staying in a room that has a DVD player when the [ __ ] are you renting DVDs you're not never that shit's ridiculous people that red box but that's like Middle America those people those [ __ ] Miners and [ __ ] yeah it's like older people I mean they go to the grocery store they can pick up some standards too like what do you somebody some interview asked me like what do I think about the standards I'm like they're not for the people who would like me the standards yeah like like you're not to say these words or something like that you know like like FCC rules but like anyone who would become a fan of mine wouldn't care about those rules yeah so for me to say [ __ ] or for me to say something gross it's like none of my fans will care yeah the idea that you're going to like Arkansas Housewives what are you doing that's not me and my fans get out they won't watch anyway there's plenty of dummies out there that don't want to hear you swearing that would be offended by certain subject matter great there's nothing you're going to do about that but just don't watch but there's so many people that's the thing that people aren't considering that that people never considered when they were giving advice to Comics back in the day when they're telling them to be clean yeah there's so many people if you get a piece of the pie pie massive you can fill up on a piece of the pie ridiculously big yeah one one millionth of a percentage the pie has 300 million possible people in this country and look at Starbucks their company like oh this great we expanded expanded not just in Seattle and then all over the country it's like great it's like oh guess what the pie is [ __ ] 18 times that big yeah go to the whole world and they're
like what and then you make so much more money exactly ARA and it's all about the money5 or $10 to get my special paid regular that's out right now at r.com it's five or 10 you can get 10 gets the audio too oh you get like iTunes on on on Tuesday oh that's cool so you got like a package deal video and the audio damn son moving forward yeah and I'm trying to arrange with Comedy Central too so we're trying to get this like algorithm or just based on like because they're like starting a new system and they''re been cool they like all right you've done this online before to us like what do you got any thoughts and I was like yeah when someone buys a Joe Rogan special after that said you might also like and then you got to tell find some names of guys like sigur's half hour my hour like yeah that should come up and then if you like me then after you watch that it's like here's some other people you might like not just random dudes don't put a Bob Saget after me right people you actually do like but like have it like this is a similar no not ant like don't say it three times it'll show up yeah uh say something homophobic that fan that kick the door in some [ __ ] yeah just half [ __ ] like that so they're trying to build stuff like that for their website for the CC direct stuff and it's like yeah keep building yeah that's a good idea that's that's a good idea all due respect to Dad fan I voted for him did you yeah it was first first year he was you voted you actually called in and voted open up no I was one of the I was one of the judges oh yeah I voted on the show that they got him in I see Jo at home opening his phone I'm I'm going to contribute I'm part of the solution that was when uh him and Ralphie May head tohe head for one and two right oh yeah Ralphie May was there who was three that year um I don't remember me neither I was just in the beginning like when they were trying out be on the show all right I was one of the judges on that they'd have Comics go up and do sets Yousef just just tried out for the new season really he said it was the best trial process ever seen wow they don't reject you or accept you right there they just you go up there's a full crowd The Improv go up two three minutes get off leave who's the host now
I don't know maybe Wanda syes oh that's a good move no they had her already she's B did it for a while right yeah he was never here how dare you he was here I'm a fan Bill bellam me till I die till I die forever that was that was uh that was um who was Ingram's black character what's Ingram's black character I Darnell Darnell Darnell his favorite comic was Bill Bellamy he goes oh you remember that one bit where he like with the roll ofex call [ __ ] [Music] like Darnell or maybe Darnell was his cousin Darnell was his cousin what the [ __ ] I can't remember his name oh yeah marijuana marijuana no Darnell was Ingram's character's cousin oh did you hear about Jeremiah what happened Watkins yeah what he got a like a skin cancer and he got a big chunk taken out of his back who I'm doing a show tonight me too three clubs show yeah yeah yeah he's got a zrace on what happened why do you have a n cancer maybe what if we found out that Satan [ __ ] him in the ass and shot his demon load on his oh and that would make cancer through his skin that would make cancer if we found out that jerem is just tired of being on the periphery it's a funny comic it's got a lot of talent it just needs to do what a lot of these other guys have done he made a deal with the devil s's like let me I'm just going to put the tip in just the tip people said I shouldn't trust you I need to do much cuz you're very talented already oh really think so going to have to put the tip in it's just a tip oh what that relax it's hard to relax when you're talking to me like that that can't just be the [Music] tip was like I got a six mile tip you hear the fluttering of his wings as he shoots his hot load on your back crack like hot olive oil as your skin [ __ ] rides in agony where his load eight through that's it folks good night it's the end of this podcast that's great um Friday January what 16th on where 1159 Comedy Central 1159 your DVRs right now why even why even risk it well if it's 1159 that means that it's uncensored correct yeah
yes beautiful glorious uncensored on television he can say Cy I said cty on count Central bleeps over the cuss words there that's right oh that's good oh yeah okay yeah watch that then yeah oh that's good oh yeah bleeps are annoying they do whatever they want yeah and then the following week January 22nd Thursday and every Thursday after that this is not happening premieres the first one's with me Bobby Lee Keegan Michael Key Cher's on the second one and the intro to the second one is amazing Jeff tomsic that guy who did the intros did eight different intros for Eight Episodes wow he's out of his mind that's awesome good googly mly ladies and gentlemen good googly moly Jo Rogan on week five or six I think four damn that was fun man awesome crowd I love the fact that you're in that weird little strip joint place too Che Place weird environment got such a great Vibe a little unpretentious Vibe like I think the vibe of that place like helps those shows because it's not a comedy club where you demand like what are you upset about Beast themselves here yeah and you you're having a lot of people that come on that aren't even Comics she yeah it's great yeah it's a good great idea man it's beautiful beautiful to see it on Comedy Central AR balling cha cha CH we also got this tomorrow tomorrow do that too yeah January 14th we will all be at uh The Comedy Store for Sam naughty show that I think it starts at 9900 p.m. is that correct yeah Jes lot of yeah Ari shafir is gonna be Morgan Murphy's going to be there uh January 30th I'm at the Mirage in lost wages dude cerrone's fighting again after you told him like he may as well get in there and ask to fight again yeah he got weeks later I've never seen twice in a month damn it feels good to be a gangster God yeah I wish you were coming with me man yeah that would be cool [ __ ] I got all this [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah that be cool yeah I'm I'm going to Boston with Ian was that the Joe loan fight was he supposed to fight Jo was supposed to fight but I think he got hurt I don't know if he was supposed to fight Benson I don't remember somebody though right yeah yes he was supposed to be but I believe he got injured um wow yeah well
thanks Joe Rogan this has been fun as alwaysa you're [ __ ] awesome only reason to come to the valley let's do the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast [ __ ] on the valley I was born here till I die all right uh that's it you awesome people oh January 30th Mirage Vegas Ian Edwards and Tony Hinchcliffe Chuck chucka chucka see you guys soon much love big kiss bye-bye for [Music]