Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbWCXJUd00w
[Music] all day i've been trying to recover from yesterday drinking with stan hope oh yeah he's a fun one to hang out with huh we did a podcast like right when he was coming out of the pandemic and i think i was probably sober or mostly sober during the podcast and it just didn't it just felt off it felt clunky and he felt like that too so i'm like this one i'm gonna make sure we do it right and i just got blasted with him we just drank whiskey and got [ __ ] up and talked for like how long was it three and a half hours wow and and a couple of pee breaks and just obliterated i don't remember half what we talked about he's so fun yeah last night was incredible last night was insane yeah let's tell everybody first of all let's tell everybody you're going to be in phoenix this weekend stand up live um which is an awesome club uh and maybe i'll drop in on friday because i'm going to be there for the have some ufc we'll have some fun uh the great and powerful william montgomery will be there as well uh and then uh last night we do a show at vulcan and who goes on stage with us but [ __ ] roseanne barr wow what a clinic she hadn't been on stage in years and years and it then she killed just as hard as anybody what round of applause she got when she went up there natural freak talent killing the whole time getting little tiny standing ovations throughout totally like the way she moved the way she talked her pacing her timing felt so natural and conversational but she wasn't even planning on going up yeah this is what's crazy like she hadn't gone on stage in years and she did it and then afterwards she she felt [ __ ] great she was hanging out in the green room she was all fired up yeah and she's like i'm on a [ __ ] move here yeah she's the best she belongs here she's the vibe yeah well her daughter lives here so i think we got a real good shot at getting her here i hope so oh my gosh she is i mean last night was special it really was doug stanhope ron white you hans kim roseanne barr and me yep what a
[ __ ] lineup what a [ __ ] lineup so fun hey you want to know something funny about this picture you see that bottle that stanhope has of mineral water well there's cigarettes in there you see that yes a few minutes after this picture was taken he took a huge gulp about forgetting that it was uh an ashtray and he handled it so funny he made sure everybody knew and he made a funny face and like he really milked it like a real comedian we found out yesterday it's dan hope had covet and he never even knew he goes i've been dealing with covid like symptoms for the last 30 years that's 30 years of being hungover 30 years of being hammered mostly every day the rare breed you know how many comedians fail because he drinks on stage there's so many comedians that think they can drink on stage and do good because of him or they could be like him yeah but they don't have a point right like he writes the thing about doug stanhope is doug stanhope may be a guy who loves to drink he is [ __ ] maybe he's he's a guy loves a drink yeah but he also loves to write he writes a lot he's got a laptop sits down with it he makes notes drinks coffee smokes cigarettes writes he is dedicated to being a comic and a writer he writes and that's uh a lot of the guys that go on tour and try to emulate that thing they leave out part of it they leave out that part you know this is uh i've been into this audio book by steven pressfield uh the war of art i just finished it and now i'm on his uh other book that he has it's a similar sort of vein it's called turning pro but one of the things in turning pro it's like talking about the things that people do to distract them from the work and that one of the things they'll do is that a lot of people who uh they romanticize the lifestyle of being like a rock and roll star right out on the road but they're doing the drugs and you know they're they're boozing and partying that's like part of the lifestyle but what they're not doing is the writing they're not doing the work they're not being a pro they're just distracting themselves with the nonsense aspects of it the partying aspects of it not the
getting better at the art form aspects of it right stanhope has a good balance he writes a lot like he you know you see him and he's got points there'll be something new about you know anything that's going on that's pertinent that's in the news he's got new bids yeah it uh that's what you're saying sort of reminds me of david tell who you know i feel like amongst comedians is considered one of the best in the world right now well the best of all time yeah and um you know he was the party guy forever yeah right the insomniac going out up everywhere and i remember i mean well first of all he's sober now but i remember when i got to um work at the comedy store when i started working there 15 years ago i was also working to make extra money at a coffee shop right next to it and i would work really really really early mornings like this 6 a.m to 11 a.m shift because then i would go work phones at the comedy store all day and then at the comedy store at night so i was just working all day anyway there was a lot of times where i would be at the comedy store until 2 30 a.m and a tell if he was visiting from new york would be there you know watching or going up or hanging out or both and i would work these shifts four hours later at starbucks and he would be there reading the newspaper with a notebook like literally grinding and grueling out the work not on his cell phone reading like absorbing actual paper you know reading material and kicking out writing immediately like a like someone who's about to start not like someone who's a 20 30 year veteran of the game and he takes it that seriously and it shows continuously throughout his work you know everybody that is great is doing the work yeah there's no substitute there's no substitute in the the universe rewards you like life rewards you for the amount of effort you put into something the amount of tension and focus you put into something will be will be represented and how good you get at it it doesn't mean that everybody
starts from the same place some people have more natural talent some people have more natural insight some people are just funnier when they start but it is really about the amount of time and focus you put in how much better you get there's a lot of people that have like maybe a natural personality for stand-up but they're lazy and they don't get much better because they don't write and so they kind of develop this sort of passable act and never really improve upon it because they don't spend the time doing it whereas someone who wasn't as good as them initially would be far better than them at the end yeah it's just time it's time and focus i think that would apply to everything i think it'd apply to [ __ ] playing a guitar or writing books or whatever the [ __ ] you're doing it's time and effort time and effort and there's no substitute for those things and thinking and being you know really thinking like being honest about what you're doing you know looking at it and go god is this good like let me look at this again let me look at this with fresh eyes let me go walk around the block and think about it you know that's part of it too one of the things that pressfield talked about is also something that stephen king would talk about is that he would write and then he would go for walks after the writing which is uh very common amongst writers they like to go for walks afterwards and review the notes in their head and pressfield would take a little recorder with them but obviously use your phone and just use the voice memos and just talk into your phone and say you know i have this thing about page five i feel like this is off or chapter six is you know a little flat maybe maybe this is a new solution yeah walking helps a lot no doubt that's one of those things that we would do in the writers room a bunch of sloppy lazy bum writers in in the roast writer's room would we we would have to take a break because the blood just circulates around your head all day and then after four or five hours especially after lunch you have to get the things rolling again so yeah it changes perspective and but most importantly it just really gets the blood flowing especially after lunch if you're eating bread yeah guys who eat
sandwiches like big sub sandwiches for lunch they're useless after lunch it's so true and i remember we used to literally order from a place called i don't know if it still exists in la but it was called it's all about the bread and it was the thickest because it was jeff ross's show basically in his office and we know like anybody that knows anything about jeff knows he doesn't give a [ __ ] about what he eats like he's always smashing food he has the fastest metabolism out of anybody in the world how's that possible i don't know but he's so big he's big that goes to show you how much he eats i mean the man is always snacking on something really yeah he just burns it by whatever thinking all the time or whatever is going on but uh oh so there was just no there was no like let's eat something healthy today looks like he doesn't give a [ __ ] so we used to order from this place it's all about the bread and we would all crash so hard we would have to drink seven cups of coffee to even come back from it but it was like a drug it's like doing like bread heroin or something in the afternoon time yeah sandwiches are the worst for that yeah like a big sub sandwich because you think about like when do you ever eat a piece of bread that big right never and then a piece of bread that big stuffed with meat and cheese and [ __ ] mayonnaise and this was like a baguette i remember the exterior was hard it was like very textured tough and tons of bread in between the starting point and that hard outer shell so your body has to break all that down it's just glue in your stomach just clogging up your brain but meanwhile if jeff eats something like that he gets like he turns into like the incredible hulk for like 25 minutes after that like everybody's just dying of laughter about anything whatever happens he's a special guy so he's just gets excited about the food and that makes him happy and then he's funnier 100 yeah stan open i were talking about this yesterday because stan hope had no idea that he had covet we were talking about this i remember in like the brief flashes that i can remember of our
drunken conversation i was like i wonder how much of a fact or stress plays into people getting sick because how is he okay stan hopes chain smokes drinks constantly yeah he's basically my age a couple months older than me and nothing's wrong with him allegedly hasn't been to a doctor in years like in forever he goes why would you go they just [ __ ] give you bad news he goes just [ __ ] live until it breaks that's like his his thought process just live until his body breaks it was interesting uh watching him go face to face with ron white last night and the first thing that ron said to him was doug i'm sorry i couldn't i couldn't fight the fight anymore for us drunks like his he was like apologizing to doug for having to back out of the game you know ron after 50 years of daily tequila drinkings like i wish i could still be in the fight with you my friend meanwhile here's the thing like just like david tell ron white is better than ever yeah ron white is on fire right now and i've never seen like he's always been a great comic but i've never seen him better and i think the same about david tell david tell when he stopped drinking like i remember his booze in days he was always great but he's better now he's better now and it's there's a thing where like people think that the booze is what helps them it makes them loose and it makes them relaxed and yeah i mean it could kind of help a little bit it can get you loose it can it can but not if it's a problem not if it's an alcohol problem not like you need to drink all the time or you need to be drunk and they for you to be able to go on stage that's not none of those things are good and the thing is about it wrecks your [ __ ] body man it wrecks your body it takes away all of your vitality and so when it takes away your vitality your energy to create is like it's compromised your energy to just live life and to have inspired thoughts you're [ __ ] hurting all the time which is even more impressive how stan hope and ron white were so good for all those years
yeah it sort of goes both ways i feel like there's almost kind of an art and we see this right with a lot of these guys that i think there's almost something to the art of getting wasted and laying in bed the next day thinking about what's next i'm not positive of what chappelle's writing process is at all but i have a feeling that he's thinking about stuff while recovering the next morning because when else would he do it and by morning i mean basically afternoon right because he goes hard in the paint he has a lot of fun and uh you know we see it on stage all the time at the comedy store he would you know just plow through bottles of corona another corona another corona another corona and he stays in the zone he's hilarious but obviously he's not coming up with this stuff right off the top of his head in the moment the magician always has his stuff set up right so like there's almost something to and i'd be interested to know maybe you know what doug's process is but it seems like laying in bed that next morning with a hangover and being thinking of something that really stands out to you might sort of be good for that art form because if you can make it funny then if you could think about it then with a headache and your body sore and you don't want to get out of bed then it must be funny right does that kind of make sense kind of uh what doug does one of the things that doug does is his podcast and doug's podcast is basically i mean occasionally he has guests on but oftentimes it's just him and his buddies right so they're all hanging around the house and they have you know they're at the fun house and they have the set up there and it's basically doug holding court talking about things and in a similar vein to the way bill burr creates on his podcast because bill burr is one of the most prolific comics and i'm pretty sure the way he writes is he thinks about stuff he has things to piss him off and then he goes on his podcast and rants about him and in that ranting the constant ranting he creates these things
that are like oh there's like a glimmer of light in that there's like a beacon of hope in this bit let me turn that into an actual routine and then he'll i've seen him on stage and i've seen stuff that i've listened to him talk about on his podcast he then brings to the stage and he refines it and he makes it better yeah he's incredible i once made the uh i once made an interesting um rookie mistake when i was again back when i was a door guy at the store he uh i had never spoken with him before really and i had never said anything to him and he said hi to me one night after he performed on stage and it absolutely killed so hard i can't remember what the news story was at the time but something had just happened days earlier and he was killing for 10 minutes about it and he came up and he said hi as i'm on the stool on his way to his car in the parking lot i'm working the back door and since he said hi to me i decided to engage and i said something like hey man i just want to let you know that was amazing up there it's crazy how easily you could take something that just happened and and kill with it like that and he goes easy i'm like yeah he goes there's nothing easy about that i've been writing every day since that happened for the last three days from nine to four p.m i've been writing so while you've been doing whatever you've been doing like nothing is easy there's nothing easy about it i sat down and i wrote all that like he like taught me like an amazing lesson it was really cool i was just trying to give him this compliment and instead he gave me you know really really great insight on how that world works and you see it with the last dance you know jordan practicing all the time staying after practice arriving early to practice it there it's a constant the same with the tiger woods documentary you find out oh oh all he does is practice all these people that do all these things work that's um also another book that i've finished again recently that i've reread
is malcolm gladwell's outliers same thing putting in the time like what makes someone exceptional what's what makes someone stand out from anyone else and one of the things he talked about is the beatles and how often the beatles would play when they were in hamburg that they would play eight hours a day and they were constantly playing they were constantly playing so when they went back to liverpool years later they're like [ __ ] phenomenally better yeah yeah it's just time time and effort and and inspiration and and being fired up to do something you know we were talking about this yesterday the one things that happened during the pandemic was a lot of people realized that comedy was almost taken away from everybody because it was for a little bit there was no comedy for a little bit and that that time it made you really sit and reflect like comedy's been a weekly part of our lives except for rare occasions like rare occasions so you take a little bit of a time off you know yeah our friends the nether hour they totally started everything that they did together during the pandemic like they didn't they didn't they had never even played together really yeah those guys and they're like you're a bass player you're a yeah no way so it was totally that's crazy because those guys are so good together yeah and they have all those original songs and they are you know writing and performing all the time but when you said that thing about the beatles in hamburg it made me think of that because they were like locked in together every single day and all they had were their instruments so like what else did they have to do that was it that's where it's at man it's it's just getting obsessed with stuff you know we've been doing so many shows lately like didn't you feel that way in colorado like after we'd done like four shows on a weekend like we're getting locked in yeah you know because we're just doing so many sets so much stage time and so many people so many different crowds you're experiencing you know so we had did sunday we did tuesday wednesday and then we flew out
to colorado and then friday and saturday in colorado so just bang bang bang bang and you did monday too because kill tony yeah so bang bang bang bang bang it's like you know we're so lucky dude comedy's a [ __ ] amazing thing it really is an amazing thing so much fun so this [ __ ] dave chappelle thing's crazy uh last night i guess it was someone attacked him at the hollywood bowl he's fine i checked in with him today he was laughing about it he's uh in good spirits he was there's a video actually he was laughing like right afterwards yeah because jamie foxx apparently had a cowboy hat and he jumped on stage to help jimmy fox with a cowboy hat jumped on stage to [ __ ] that dude up the guy was uh five foot that arm's broken by the way definitely that arm's [ __ ] there is also like the way they led him into the um the like when he got into the actual stretcher you could see he's [ __ ] it's so funny you can tell the type of beat up that somebody is when they're getting kicked on the ground by different from different angles by different people it's a different type of like beat up look yeah you could tell that that left that that left side of his face was the side that was either on the ground or totally like away from everything i was getting punched just everything's swollen on the one side yeah he's [ __ ] that guy see me jesus christ you could tell you can always tell because did you you saw the actual video i saw the video first of all dave chappelle has good hips because yeah he the guy she almost sprawled on him and he kind of turned with him he kind of conclude him yeah he came a little like hito if you watch the video as the guy is coming in he's coming in this way and dave kind of like turns a little it's balls too chappelle's a big boy bigger than you think he is well the guy's crazy clearly there's something wrong with them look at this and i mean there's just no way to describe how not expecting that you are when you're on stage yeah okay he just runs away and then the comedian clicks in and he
comes back because he's like wait i have to it's my mic right now look at this guy running oh my god that guy's never tackled anybody in his life no chappelle almost almost makes the clear out all the way yeah almost if he just had a little training see that was all an instinct if he just had a little training imagine if he just paunted that dude in the head when he went down yeah one of those mossvidal knees there is no security in the front row at this thing like there should have been someone there that was uh scanning the audience for [ __ ] weirdos they're ready to sprint crazy well we live in strange times man i mean after the chris rock thing that was one of the things i was worried about i was like people are thinking they're going to start smacking comedians now if they don't like what they're saying and what i'm thinking or what i'm worried about is uh you know people think that's justified like people keep they keep using the same things i i saw an article they said his transphobic statements they're not [ __ ] statements they're jokes they're not jokes that are transphobic either they're jokes that feature trans people they're not transphobic jokes his whole bit in that last special that everybody was mad at is essentially a love letter to his friend that killed herself because she was supporting him and she got attacked on stage the idea that that in somehow or another is transphobic just because he's talking about a trans person is [ __ ] crazy right it's and then they just don't want to be talked about that's essentially what it is like they're saying it's transphobic if you're even mentioning trans people as a subject with these bonkers yes because it's really the opposite right that that means that they're equal if you're being included in an american free conversation and obviously a comedy set like that means that you're part of the everything else you're now yeah i mean you we are of course everything's part of the everything else but it's like if
there's stuff that you cannot discuss at all because it's so hot the subject can't be brought up well this is we this is a nonsense way of communicating you can't communicate like that right you can't say people can't discuss topics right or discuss something that is prominent in culture right now i mean there's a lot of discussions about trans rights and about use of bathrooms and about you know trans kids and the white house talks about it and jen saki was doing an interview and she was crying about it sort of misrepresenting what the don't say supposedly don't say gay bill in florida which isn't don't say gay you know this is uh it's a weird time because we we have to be able to look through the fog the fog of the anger that we have for the opposite or the anger we have for the opponent because the way that the democrats and the way the republicans look at it today is there's us and there's them and it's so polarized that anytime something comes up anything like well these these subjects like you want to find out what side is on what side of the issue like is is my side on this is okay or is my side on this is a bad thing and that's a lot of what happens with these subjects instead of just being able to look at things and just honestly discuss things things get fit into this polarized lens like somehow or another biden was talking about that today i was talking about um he was talking about the roe versus wade thing and he's he said something like what's next uh are we going to stop lbgtq kids from going to classes with regular kids and then he said this mega group is the most extreme political group in us history so think look at the way he connected those like see if you can find that video i believe i can send it to you if you don't if you can't find it you got it okay but let me see if it says the whole thing he says about lbgtq kids first because that's what he says first
i can send it to you jamie i'll help you okay let me hear it here here it goes uh state changes the law saying that that children who are lgbtq can't be in classrooms with other children is that is that legit under the way the decision is written what are the next things that are going to be attacked because this mega crowd is really the most extreme political organization that's existed in american history okay now that is that's a crazy connection what he just did is a crazy connection he went from roe versus wade which i don't know what's happening with that i don't know if that's real it's supposedly something was leaked that said they're going to overturn roe versus wade i don't you know i don't think that's been substantiated has that been substantiated i believe it's still uh yeah it was leaked and i don't it's not substantiated though right as far as like an official decision yeah i don't think right so so you have something that has to do with abortion rights so it's women's rights and then how does he connect that to magga like how does that like look at that way he did that like saying that you cannot have an abortion or abortion is not a federally federally protected thing under roe versus wade anymore going from that to saying what if they decide to keep lbgtq kids out of classes to this mag of crowds the most extreme political organization in american history like what how did you get there right how did you get to mega yeah because that's the slogan of his opponent i guarantee you there's some never trump republicans that are pro-life i guarantee you there's people that don't like the way trump behaves and talks and they they don't think that he's a god-fearing christian and there's a lot of those folks out there there's a lot of those [ __ ] this this idea that everybody falls into this uh like it's all the maggot it's all the same like if you have any republican
viewpoints or if you have any conservative viewpoints that's a sneaky way of uh connecting any conservative viewpoints with trump which is like you know half the people gonna hate it if you can convince half the people that any idea is a trump idea they will immediately hate it half the people right if they're not paying attention they're just reading headlines half the people like categorize that that's a trump idea that's a mag of thing it's kind of an amazing way to dismiss things now you know because it used to be people could be conservative they could be like william f buckley and they could have conservative debates on television with gore vidal and people would think it was normal there's a conservative there's a liberal they're discussing issues it's cool let's see i maybe see me what resonates with me more not anymore baby not anymore because now because of this whole trump thing in the maga thing they have it's not just conservative versus liberal it's like you can put it into this cult of personality this trump box and then you get a 50 return rate on your investment half the people are going to be like this is [ __ ] that that's a trump thing that's a maga thing yeah it's super weird it's it's crazy i think that he may have said that because maybe he's you know preemptively and always i think he's always going to have to worry about the next election i think he's i think he's having a hard time keeping sentences yeah i think he's having a hard time keeping thoughts straight in his head and this is um if you know forget about what my feelings are about them putting this guy into the position that he's in which i think was insane i was saying it was insane a couple of years ago he's a lot worse now but the thing that gets me is that this is it's this is just a guy as a human being and we're watching a human being's wiring not work right anymore we're watching bulbs fade out and um i think he's having a real hard time putting sentences together just as a human to you know like watching him
i feel bad for the guy because i feel i feel like imagine being in that position and he this is his moment in the sun the lights are on the preparations been done all the [ __ ] rehearsals for this the the cute cards are written he's ready to give the speech and he's just barely keeping it together not only does he never improvise and never go off the script or never you know tweet a crazy feeling that he has about something or anything instinctual that's actually him i mean we can feel that anybody can notice that but they're using like all these little tricks i thought to myself the other day because i was watching one where he just got out of the helicopter and they're doing it's chaos behind them right right you know they do these why do they do that so the priorities can't yell questions that so that if he no i'm serious this thing oh if he can't hear then he really can't hear if he's seems overwhelmed it's because of the sound of the chopper but i'm like that's how he is in a quiet room on a fake set behind a podium struggling to answer this that but they do that a lot right on the runway i know trump too yeah but i think it's i think it's a little tricky i think that's what they do when they want to give someone like a little bit of an escape a little bit of a excuse well for the longest time he would just walk away remember yeah they were just asking questions like and then there was no press conferences and i feel bad for that gen soccer lady and you know and everybody says like she's shrill and you know the way she communicates but whatever imagine having that job [ __ ] that job because she has to debate with people more than the president does she has to go back and forth with the press and sometimes she says things in confidence but like just like being on [ __ ] podcast sometimes you say things and you think it's true while you're saying it it turns out it's not and you represent the president of the united states and no one's fact checking you in real time and it's all happening live on television yikes [ __ ] that job everybody who gets it hates it yeah the only one was good at that uh the lady the last lady with
trump what's her name kylie mckinnony oh yes how do you see kaylee kaylee mckennany she's the best yeah she's the goat at that [ __ ] yeah because she would have [ __ ] receipts she had like tabs on her notebook she would pull right to like when she knew they were coming with a gotcha actually if you would have done your research before asking that question you would know she took large dumps on jim acosta's head just like get out of here it's a it's a funny sort of arena that press and press secretary it's like someone's speaking for the president and supposedly these reporters are speaking for the people it's wild it's wild that that's how we figure out you know what's getting what's getting done and what's happening you have to talk to the press secretary such an old school system for something but it's all this gotcha [ __ ] you know the whole thing is gotcha yeah the press wants to get her and and make her look stupid and you know and she wants to show them that she's the girl boss and i have all the facts and here we are you know we're gonna circle she doesn't even circle back anymore did you notice that she stopped circling back have you noticed some i read something about it it's funny to hear yeah i read something about it uh i forgot maybe it's an article or something and uh they said something about jen saki not circling back anymore i said oh yeah that was her thing like circle back she said like we'll circle back on that and she used to say she doesn't say that anymore and i think because people started making fun of it and then also b because she doesn't want to circle back because she would already circle back on those other things because there was a lot of things she was supposed to circle back on she probably has a [ __ ] to-do list it's a mile long look at all the circle back stuff i have to get to how long is she circling back before she was in the mainstream media because that's when she couldn't circle back anymore
i just googled it there's like enough stuff that it's a thing on etsy you can buy circle back merchandise oh my god that's hilarious oh my god i need one oh they got circle back trump 2024. super sake these are these are great gotta give her credit for breaking that glass ceiling they normally don't give redheads a position like that is it a glass earring if it's for redheads i don't know but redheaded girls do not have the stigma the redheaded guys do that's true redheaded guys struggle unless they're canelo that's good looking that's a great point but he became canelo because he's a redhead you know those mexican kids picking on them all day oh white redheaded yeah you know louis ck's mexican oh yeah did you know that yeah yeah yeah louis ck is actually born in mexico yeah he's actually more mexican than carlos mencia he talks about that oh really yeah his most recent one no no no it's like too special to go wow two or three specials ago he taught i think he did i know he's talked about it on stage four he's definitely said it before because he was actually born in mexico wow yeah that's what we should all be paying attention by the way ladies and gentlemen and this is not saying from a from a person who's a xenophobic i'm not worried about mexican immigrants i'm worried about mexican cartels i'm worried about the people that stay in mexico like mexico is crazy right now i pay attention to quite a few news pages that are covering the cartel wars and it's wild man it's wild there's all kinds of shootings down there oh yeah this shooting's in mexico all the time now and there's basically gigantic multi-billion dollar drug rings and they're going to war with each other and there's a lot of them folks because there's a giant market for fentanyl and cocaine and marijuana and everything else that's illegal in the united states that comes up from mexico and because of our drug laws this is what finances these organized crime gangs and now they've gotten so big
and they're ruthless they don't have laws that they have to uphold it's not like you know being a part of raytheon or being a part of [ __ ] you know some other american corporation this is this is a gang that has billions of dollars it's a [ __ ] drug gang that has billions of dollars and who knows how many sneaky connections with corrupt officials that allow it to exist who knows how many people are profiting so that this stuff gets into america and keeps being distributed to america and it's right there and nobody's talking about it all anybody talks about is the poor people that are trying to sneak across for a better life and how horrible it is that some people don't want them to come across and how compassionate these people that want to help them are that's that's what the main focus is on but there's also like terrorists sneaking in they've caught terrorists right yeah i mean that's how they're that oh yeah they're coming it's great to do it yeah totally i was in miami last weekend or two weeks ago and hung out with my really good friend who i've known for years and years he's cuban and uh he's like come over saturday bring the whole crew and i did i uh we all went me william and we uh his mom made us this amazing cuban dinner at this amazing house that they've had forever in florida for it's been in their family for three decades or whatever and it's just the coolest most home style meal and they have a they have a couple cousins who just came from cuba um there and we're talking with them and and the rest of the family mom and the and my friend are sort of semi-translating things that they don't get in between because we're talking about it and uh they said that they had to go through five countries so they had to whatever over to what is it considered south america right what's below well cuba's not connected to anything so depressed
no not cuba they had to go do uh west and come up that way and they said they had to go through five countries so what's south of mexico brazil right where are we yeah so they came through mexico is that what you're saying i thought you're saying cuba they're from cuba right but to get to america they came through mexico they had to go through mexico but to get to mexico they had to go through blank right right blank they had to start all the way down there there it is that you know that's what that whole convoy was you remember that that giant what would they call it they didn't call it a convoy would they call it when their people were coming up from mexico they were watching caravan so show that again that map please when you look at that these people were coming up see where mexico is people were coming up from guatemala from honduras they were they're getting all these people and they were walking all the way up into mexico now how do you think something like that happens how do you think you get all these families and you know kids and parents and everyone all together to just start walking up there we all walk we're gonna make it like how does that work i i can't even begin to fathom who who puts that together is that organizers is there like a a clandestine purpose for something like that is there someone pulling the strings behind that going listen we're going to organize and we're going to get all these people and just bum rush the fence we're going to talk them into it we're going to like give them food and water and take care of them along the way and they're going to make a lot of press available to this so they're going to come in and take photos and videos we'll get it all up on the internet and get it all up on youtube and in the news and then people know i mean how do these people know each other in
different countries are they talking online they all getting together on reddit and they're trying to figure out where to meet what are they doing yeah how is this happening who organizes that like how and where'd it go just stopped one of the things that i found extra interesting was the fact that they had to pay there's a certain there's like a ticket fee for america basically once they stop you at the thing what i found out from hanging out with this family this cuban family in a miami was that it's there's it's a ticket it's like fifteen thousand i'm like so what makes the d is you have to so basically you have to have a family member someone like that you can call that's here like the cousin in miami and say yes that is my cousin i will take care of them i'll give them a start they can i have an extra bedroom they can stay in okay you can pay the 15 000 to get them over the other end right so really that's the price that america is saying this is the ticket did you say 15 000. i'm pretty sure it's 15. that's a lot yeah if you get hit with that can you get hit with it more than once yeah they had to pay 30 because they have two cousins oh jesus right so it happens quick what if what if you get busted a second time like is this once you're over here and you pay that fee now you have to worry about being deported right how often do people get deported let's find that out how many people get deported let's just guess how many people get deported from the united states every day every day let's guess i would say a thousand a day a thousand a day it might be high that might be high i'mma say i'm gonna say 500 a day but how many people come in every day illegally i'd say a thousand and one i'd say it's more than a thousand this is more than a thousand oh yeah coming in per day has to be has to be at least two thousand
yeah i think that's probably about right but how do they know because if they know if they can count them they should catch them like if you if you're just counting them as they run across the border like hey that's not helping you have a bad system yeah it's like how do you how do you uh it's how do they do that i don't know but it's very strange that we're connected with a country that's so completely different i mean you just walk a certain amount of minutes from san diego and everyone's in a different country speaking spanish everything's different ice deportations fell in april to lowest monthly level on record enforcement data shows a year ago a year ago what did it say it was uh just under 3 000 people for the month oh 3 000 deportations for the whole month yeah but that's still 3 000 deportations that's a lot what did what were we thinking a day we were thinking a thousand a day is that what you it was 3.2 million during obama's a day no no a month 38 years oh eight years so i was gonna start doing the math oh so it went way up so it went way up um during his entire administration so for eight years was three million this says this data says about 2 million were deported between 2009 and 16 during the presidency of that this is a very bad sentence bush comma about 2 million people were deported comma while between 2009 and 2016. so it's written bad okay and so now what did you say it was it was 2 900 a month yeah so i guess it's 36 000 a year yeah be quarter million for eight years that's way under it's like 10 it's way under so i guess i'm confused and also what is the i mean how accurate is this i was gonna ask you when you were getting into it like what for what reasons who like deported to where right on a plane or right and like what i was gonna
say is like is this um is it lower because of the pandemic that's what i thought that was going to say but it was i don't know because clearly well during the pandemic was also when there was the whole um the scandal about the the whole people at the border in cages and [ __ ] and all that weirdness do you remember the mike pence one that one always weirded me out man mike pence is down at the border and all those folks that were immigrants are in cages and he's walking around he's like not making eye contact with them it looks it looks very strange see if you could find that it it struck me as very strange because it didn't it didn't strike me and i don't know what it is i don't know what his mindset was watch this like take a look at this he said we get three tacos a day so look look at pence he's looking at the lighting yeah like he's looking like above these people's heads he's not looking at them at all he's just like scanning them as a group and he's got his arms crossed and he's having a conversation with this cop said you don't have the space we have watch towers up here the watchtower is so close to pick anyone that gets rowdy so we can pull them out quickly so they have watch towers and they have these people like how many dozens in there fenced into a cage and pence isn't even looking at them look at he's got his back turned to it that's weird man isn't that weird like wouldn't you be you would be first of all maybe he feels disrespectful staring at those people because it is kind of [ __ ] that they can't get out you're staring at them it's kind of weird it's probably got weird energy but as a human being who's seeing these other human beings that have been captured wouldn't you feel empathy wouldn't you feel like wow this is a [ __ ] up situation like what you know what are these guys running from that it's worth getting arrested here like what is life like for them you know what
are they escaping it's so much worse than this that they're willing to take this chance and we're our standards and our understanding of like what life should be is so elevated in america that if you if you look at some of the poorest places in mexico they're [ __ ] right there man they're not far at all right just outside of tijuana some incredibly poor areas and you think like if you know you're stuck there and you're not gonna ever get out and this is just gonna be your life forever you'll take some wild ass chances but for a guy like mike pence like that's not that's not a neighborhood that exists in his mind you know what i mean that's not like a place that he can go to like oh yeah i remember when i was a kid and we had a dirt floor and we would try to catch wild chickens because we had no food for dinner and we were thinking about how to sneak over into america someday that's what's going on in these people and there's [ __ ] thousands of them coming across every day oh that was the other thing how many um illegal immigrants do they estimate coming to america each day because a lot of the republicans talk about it's weird republicans talk about it a lot and democrats want to pretend it's no big deal the same article is saying that there is uh 50 000 detained in on any given day so i don't know whoa goes up and down and it stays at 50. 50 000 a day no no no 50 000 detained not like oh not like arrested oh i see incarcerated in currently incarcerated 50 000 per day how many new ones are coming in you think how many people they keep in those cages what do they do when the cages gets full guess what it's your lucky day tony we could only keep 50 000 in this cage so you are fifty thousand and one so we're going to give you a bus ticket to co tacoma here's from go to washington state nearly 6 000 undocumented immigrants apprehended daily at u.s mexican border in april holy [ __ ] 6 000 a day that's that's bigger than the crowd that we had
in colorado wow free show a day damn that many people oh my goodness that's wild dude that's a lot of people crazy times that's a good way to look at it right because we've done six thousand seat uh arenas and theaters and you could see it in your head what 6000 looks like you know [ __ ] man but of course they are of course they're doing that anybody that doesn't think they should be doing that you don't live there if you lived there you would think you should be doing that 100 recently an average of around 1 500 people daily have evaded law enforcement at the border the number of so-called got aways that the agency detects through a variety of technological and other tracking efforts according to the official i don't like the way they're saying that i know so what do you what do you got [ __ ] satellites watching the border it's all i mean if you were of the tim foil hat you know if you were of that persuasion you would look at this and you go you guys why are you having why haven't you fixed that you do you want people to come across do you want it to be easy is that how the drugs get over here like what is how do the drugs get over here yeah they bust them with tunnels every now and again you know which are wild and the one that they found in tijuana do you see that one was the most like the the most sophisticated drug tunnel they've ever discovered it had lights wow where did you see that where did it go to um i'm not sure they've there's quite a few of them though they find them all the time because you have to realize the amount of money that the cartel has or the cartels excuse me have there's so many of them and they're selling billions and billions of dollars worth of drugs every year they're selling fentanyl and they're selling fake xanax and they're selling and you know it's just there's a never-ending thirst to escape
your normal state of consciousness and all they have to do is get us the supplies and they can have helicopters and hippos and tanks machine guns crazy it's a tunnel i didn't see how long it was record long tunnel found on u.s mexico border how long was it say i was trying to find i'll pick one of them information about it's so funny how easy it is to get into mexico he's just like hi you just wave hi um mariana van zeller she's a woman that uh uh she's been on my podcast a couple of times and um she has this show what's our new show called trafficked traffic jeff and uh 180 foot long subterranean tunnel found in mexicali baja california near the border wow um but she uh was i going to say about her goddammit drugs mexico i know traffic i'm trying to remember what about point was [ __ ] i lost it god damn it it's mike tyson marijuana i blame the mike tyson marijuana this up strong ridiculously strong it's very good um [Music] god damn it i don't remember what my point was my point was something about marijuana and drug getting it into the country drugs how easy it is to get in to mexico um oh that's what it was thank you thank you this uh one of the episodes she worked with these dirty cops and they were bringing guns to the cartel from california so these dirty cops were selling and they had been selling for years ak-47s machine guns pistols everything selling it to the cartel and so she films these people they're all blurred out they open up the trunk of their car and it's filled with illegal guns that they've confiscated and then they sell and then these dirty cops drive through the border into mexico and they make millions of dollars selling these guns to the cartels wow it's wild dude
wow it's wild because it's so easy to get into mexico so you just have a truckload of [ __ ] illegal guns nobody gives a [ __ ] go through go ahead hi enjoy your tacos you know have fun in tulum just wave it's wild it's crazy you just get right through but coming back up they check your [ __ ] with a microscope right you know they [ __ ] cut your tires open and find cocaine in them they have dogs sniff your car you know yeah they find a seed they find something those dogs man those [ __ ] dogs that they use for those they have a dog that's like they're specific to a smell so whatever that smell is that dog's getting a treat so if it's fentanyl they just move around their car and they're like this [ __ ] trunk is dirty and then pull you over and you're done there's so many people like trying to get into the united states border every day in that line it's such a slow moving line but the one in new mexico just trunks full of guns incredible because that's how they get their guns you got to think man if you're working for the police and you're a dirty cop and you know people that are in the cartel you know or you know a connection to someone who's in the cartel and they tell you hey you know i'll give you fifty thousand dollars for an ak-47 you're like what because they have when you're talking about someone who has that kind of money like jeff bezos type money but they're just selling fentanyl and they need ak-47 so i could give you a lot of money for it like what does it cost normally five grand i'll give you ten times that that's all they'd have to do and people would get together and they'd go look we got one trunk full that's half a million dollars let's [ __ ] go let's [ __ ] go cash cash yeah cash and we could do this once a month and the next you know we're making [ __ ] six million dollars a year come on come on oh i don't know what about what if we get caught you know there'll be those kind of
conversations but a lot of people must be doing it i wonder how they get their stuff i bet a lot of it comes from china right like that's where a lot of the fentanyl um chemicals come from the stuff that they use to make fentanyl all the precursors and all that [ __ ] that stuff comes from china but china probably works with them like i think there's probably people in china that most certainly would do business in mexico to sell illegal drugs to the united states wouldn't you no doubt why not you could poison your enemy from right underneath it like literally in its basement like poison the enemy by just getting more and more fentanyl and more and more hard drugs into the kids no doubt meanwhile in china get on tick tock and they're showing athletic achievements science accomplishments you know they're showing people you know how to how to create and how to be inspired and how to really contribute to your country they're they're big moves they're all moved the big movies rather are all movies where a chinese guy kicks the [ __ ] out of an american is that true are we the bad guy over there oh man not we're not just the bad guy in um spider-man the recent spider-man when they tried to send it over to china china did not want the scene where they fought on the statue of liberty they didn't want the statue of liberty in there like take it out of the movie marvel was like no marvel said no we're drawing a line in the sand wow because china dictates a lot of stuff in terms of like what gets done in movies like they change scripts for the way the chinese people like if they you know say they're not going to buy this or that's not you know they're not going to allow it in their market because they cannot allow a movie if there's a movie that the chinese government doesn't approve of they go [ __ ] that movie and that's it you don't get in and then if you're a movie business the amount of money like one thing we found after john cena
apologized to china in mandarin we looked it up the amount of money that that movie made opening weekend in china was the vast majority of the money it was something like they made 160 million dollars opening week and 140 of it was from china yeah and i was like oh no you hear that you go oh wow yeah okay anybody will apologize in mandarin oh i'll learn i learned that [ __ ] has some mandarin what does it say here domestic is this from that movie so this is like total this is not is that opening week or that's total domestic okay so it says worldwide yeah so this was early on worldwide it says 721 at at one point in time the um if you look up when john cena apologized uh opening weekend profits china because that was when so either way that it wasn't open anywhere else there oh yeah right but that's also another reason why he has to apologize to china because that's all their money if he if they pull it out of china they're [ __ ] but actually you know what at this point in time i feel like if something like that happened and they pulled it out of china and everybody heard they pulled it out of china and then it became like a big thing it'd probably be amazing publicity has it broken down by a country hmm china was 215 million dollars of opening weekend screens 240 000 wow so opening weekend was 128 million whereas like the whole thing was like one whatever it was it was like 140 or 160 i forget the whole number but the whole entire opening weekend most of it was coming out of china but that doesn't make sense if china was open and the rest of the world wasn't the movie is it again fast and furious right that's what's crazy it's like look how much money that movie makes in other countries except uruguay you're going to give it like eighteen thousand dollars scroll up scroll up a little bit no back to where it was so it was 18 grand oh switzerland italian speak in switzerland it only
made 18 grand wow italian speaking switzerland what how that is so [ __ ] specific five screens yeah five screens that's hilarious but it's funny how those movies those shoot em up explosion [ __ ] you look at my my biceps movies those movies kill it in other countries yeah people love that [ __ ] die hard's world famous oh my god well but die hard was still world famous in america die hard is kind of a holiday movie you know it's a christmas movie a lot of ways it's kind of like a little bit of the scrooge aspect of it you know you got a guy who's like losing his family because he's a piece of [ __ ] and realizes it and saves the day and becomes a hero in the end let's get the hero's journey all written into it there's some tricky little secret christmas movies out there do you know edward scissorhands is a christmas movie really yeah it's like a christmas movie i can't remember why i know that but i remember the last time i saw it i'm like this is crazy this is a christmas movie you know what's great is a nightmare before christmas yeah that's a great movie you want to know what's really great though and i can't remember i think we talked about this i can't remember whether you said you saw it or didn't see it but mel gibson plays santa claus i haven't seen it oh dude it's really good i can't wait until next christmas only to watch this movie in like a christmasy vibe again and i just saw it this past one and it is so cool it's like he actually plays like the most badass santa of all time who's actually you know at the north pole and is a real guy dude it's the coolest it is like john wick meets christmas yeah i saw the uh preview for it it looked pretty funny and the way that they have just enough christmas magic in it mixed with all these crazy guns and he has a serious threat like military-grade threat santa claus drives a red old pickup truck that's santa claus dude it's so cool they made him like a real guy i'm glad mel gibson made a comeback i
was bummed out at him getting arrested and saying a bunch of wild [ __ ] about jews i love that dude i'd love his work he's a hell of a movie maker i mean he's a crazy dude but you i think you need to be crazy to be that good of an actor you know i mean watch him in braveheart and tell me what sane guy you want playing that role right you know there's there's certain moments that could be achieved in film only through mad men and mad women yeah you need wild people watching roseanne last night made me feel that at a thousand miles an hour right because she i'm i'm thinking to myself well this it's been a while since she's done it she's one of the goats but it's been a while since she's done it and you know and also people say she's crazy you know what i mean and she's up there so this could go off the rails quick and it made every single second that much more enjoyable because you're like holy [ __ ] she's doing it oh my god she's got it and then at one point not to give anything away but she ends up saying i'm crazy and you're like oh my god she knows it's just that vibe of great pure stand-up comedy where you're like oh my god she's saying what we're all thinking at the moment that we're thinking it and like you know just brilliant flow crazy man no she's she's awesome but she is insane but in a good way but yeah like but with acting it's it's also it's not it's a different kind of thing right because you're pretending that you're really emotionally connected to the scene that you're having with this other person you're screaming at them and like like uh like daniel day lewis guy's got to be out of his mind yeah got to be out of his mind like for him to play that uh i drink your milkshake guy oh my god and there will be blood for him to play that guy that guy's one of the most complex terrifying and yet sympathetic characters like what an insane character and that the way he played it believable for every second of every frame of every you know part of the movie that you show
it was amazing like think of um think of [ __ ] alec baldwin and glenn gary glenn ross when he when he reads off that coffee's for closers that's a mean man right there that's that that's a guy like play that that's a [ __ ] who knows how to be mean like that's mean for real you know like he's he's pulling into some darkness i mean kevin spacey was mesmerizing in house of cards i don't think you can get a person who's not crazy to play crazy as good as like an alec baldwin can play crazy coffee's for closers only you think i'm [ __ ] with you it's young handsome alec baldwin look at him i am not [ __ ] with you uh i heard i look like i'm here from downtown i'm here from mitch and murray and i'm here on a mission of mercy your name's levine yeah you call yourself a salesman you son of a [ __ ] i don't got to listen to this [ __ ] you certainly don't pal because the good news is you're fired the bad news is you've got all you've got just one week to regain your job starting with tonight starting with tonight's sit oh have i got your attention now good because we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest as you all know first prize is a cadillac el dorado anybody want to see second prize second prize a set of steak knives all right we get it it's not as good as i thought it was i for i guess you got to see it in the whole context of the movie i i felt like it was i forgot i haven't seen it in so long but it's also just part of it it gets heated up towards the end but to be a like one of those people whether it's mel gibson or any of these actor types that are just insanely good in a movie you got to be a little crazy insanely good makes you wonder what we don't know you know what i mean yeah these people like i mean even that you
talk about insane and doing it in a movie i didn't see the movie but clearly one of the most obvious signs of mental illness that we've seen lately publicly is will smith in my opinion slapping chris rock from the front row walking over and doing that and then 30 minutes later he won best actor yeah so i think that's exactly what we're talking about here exactly what we're talking about exactly yeah i mean he's an amazing actor yeah right i mean he shows emotion in his films it's so real yeah so wild the guy's probably always on the verge of crying yeah it's probably a mess yeah and i mean the way his wife smiled after chris rock got slapped the whole thing was just oh my god like he's under a spell he's being captured by witchcraft it's crazy he's the [ __ ] one of the biggest movie stars ever yeah and lives in hell television stars and lives in hell you see that video where she was following him around the house like filming him and he's like don't use me for clout my social media is like very important to me and she turns the camera herself like like like as if and she put that up as if people are not going to watch that and go are you [ __ ] crazy here's another example johnny depp's and amber heard's trial like whoa yeah you feel you you feel jealous that some people are movie stars do you yeah you wanna know what they're like behind the scenes yeah and when this one witch convinces this super millionaire to not sign a prenup so she can uh weasel all the money out of him and throws a [ __ ] glass bottom cuts his finger off beats him up and then goes to the press and tells everybody that johnny beat her lies and says that she had to use a specific makeup to cover up all the abuse that he gave her and the makeup company says we didn't even make that makeup back then like she got so specific which is something that people are full of [ __ ] do they add a lot of like unnecessary details right if she just said i had to put makeup on to cover up she had like a
very specific makeup she's on the stand right now oh let me hear this give me something live um that you know i didn't i didn't internalize like i didn't make that big of a deal of it i'm you know i kind of pride myself on being tough and you know i don't make a big deal out of you know smaller injuries and i know that sounds horrible because it and hard maybe to understand but my best way to cope with it is i kind of you know minimize it make me make sure no one make sure he knows that i'm i'm tough and can't knock me down and i make a joke of it clearly make light i'm going to michelle if you can take this one down and i've seen enough yeah um she was uh examined by some psychologist that said she may have some sort of borderline personality disorder that was like during the trial was it johnny depp's guy or was it a uh independent person that examined her because it was johnny depp's gotta take her with a little grain of salt her in this article on npr her she's her own behalf after her legal team presented a clinical psychologist who said she was diagnosed with panic disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder oh that's something different yeah that's different this is um a couple of days ago some said they diagnosed her now look so depp is suing her for a hundred million dollars in defamation he won't let it go this has been going on for years he won't let it go he's hounding her now he's actually got her on stage and the thing is on the stand you see how crazy she is and also you get to hear the recordings of how crazy she is like with the recorded audio of them fighting is [ __ ] hell it's hell it's just straight hell you just imagine being trapped in that [ __ ] up relationship just going oh my
god and so everybody now knows the truth they now know this isn't like some like some nice person was involved in this mean person the mean person hit the nice person and the nice person is just trying to get by that's not what's going on no this was like two insane people involved in a relationship where johnny was famous from the time he's 20 years old right like what how how do you figure that out how do you get how do you navigate life like that like what are your tools that make it you different than everybody else who's ever been famous when they're really young because they all develop [ __ ] up and then her psychologist hired by johnny depp testified that amber heard has borderline personality disorder shannon curry said she believes herd has was grossly exaggerating when asked about having ptsd symptoms of course that's a thing that people can just say like anxiety i have anxiety who doesn't who the [ __ ] doesn't have anxiety right and what do you what are you doing with your time are you just laying around your house all day yeah no wonder you have anxiety that's not good it's not normal like if you go to the gym every day and you know you take a class and you work out hard or you go for a mile run and you [ __ ] do some sit-ups and push-ups and then you have anxiety let's talk because you might actually have anxiety but if you're just laying around like there's i know people that say they have anxiety and i'm like what'd you do today right nothing yeah couldn't get off the couch what yeah how'd you get here on my phone all day how'd you get here if you couldn't get off the couch yeah how were you here you got off the couch well i couldn't earlier oh well i guess you're powerless you couldn't get off the couch you could get off the [ __ ] couch you just tell yourself when you go to bed go to bed at whatever time you go to bed say i'm going to get up at whatever time i'm going to eat breakfast at this time and then at that time i'm going to exercise and just do it just do it sucks you don't want to do it i know just go
through the motions don't have to go through that hard just get a sweat going get going i guarantee you once you start moving it'll be easier once you start sweating it'll be easier and then then and only then tell me how you really feel because you don't even know how you feel you know how you feel when you don't do anything you know how you feel when you don't do anything and you lay around you feel like [ __ ] yeah duh i do too yeah i feel like [ __ ] i do things every day but if i don't do things every day i'll feel like [ __ ] yeah that's how it works with people that's what makes a person i like to live both sides of it sometimes well you like a little relaxation but you work hard yeah absolutely today i have scheduled a uh it's may 4th so there's a special star wars hot yoga going down tonight in downtown austin that i'm going to be taking part in yeah no shame in mind be with you that's right yeah i forgot about that that's today i'm pumped about that that's been fun lately hot yoga is crazy man yeah it is crazy hot yoga is the best it is a miserable miserable hour in which just like any workout that first 10 minutes is like what am i doing this was a mistake and then something clicks in and it just and if you can make that 30 you know that last 30 minutes yeah last 30 minutes is rough yeah we do a 90-minute yoga class it's 105 degrees the last 30 minutes is [ __ ] rough and you're dripping continuous drips i looked the other day and there was a moment where i like saw five drops come off me at once whatever i was doing and i'm like maybe this is maybe i'm going too hard maybe this is too much and then immediately i'm like nah come on let's go something what are you gonna die do you bring like a hydro flask with you filled with ice water just a regular bottle of water yeah it does it gets warm throughout it's i wish it should do something better i got when i used to go to beak rooms and agora i got one of these 64-ounce hydro flasks this is big ass jug and i fill it up with ice yeah and then i fill it up with water and it's so [ __ ] hot in there the ice melts in the water the water is perfectly cold i'm going to get so like a perfect balance of having enough ice
and enough water and keep it in there dude that's the move because it's too [ __ ] hot yeah you need cold water right you know or you're going to have less effort i want to put up maximum effort so when i have some water i want to have a little little cold water or a little like with ice in my water i'm more used to it now though because the sauna like i can i can do uh a yoga session easier now than ever before just i'm so used to being under heat exposure that 105 degrees doesn't feel that bad like my body can get back to normal easier it's weird like that your body's adaptable to heat they also turn on the humidity in those things though there's a there's an extra umph to it yeah it's because in a hot yoga room yeah there's been a couple times where they're like the heat's working today but the humidity machine is off um oh it's getting repaired and and it was a noticeable difference easier oh yeah just heat yeah if you when you add humidity which this place is like i go to the place that's like famous for being torturous like you're supposed to like they want to kill you and you're supposed to sort of take breaks throughout and they tell you that it's okay like don't go passing out to be a legend you know what i mean like take a break if you need it and uh what was i just saying yoga hot yoga yeah torture yo yeah yeah mike tyson wheat yes exactly this is mike tyson's weed it really really is crazy it's called the toad yeah i feel like the guy that sat behind him on that airplane right now [Laughter] beat up yeah um but yeah hot yoga for yourself it's very good it's one of the best things ever and it also like if you can get through it man i used to go there and there was this old lady that would go and she i think she was like deep into her 70s and that lady was tough as nails yeah she went through every [ __ ] class she was there every day i was there she was always doing it all the dudes in the class like they're like older guys that look young so i'm like i just i i i have to be doing this right yeah this
has to be the correct move these guys all seem happy they seem zen they're not annoying it's like you know so you have to be like you have to be resilient to be able to get through one of those classes with that said i have the craziest pet peeve if anybody like you're not supposed to talk in a yoga room you know right and sometimes people will be talking at that i don't like that oh it drives me crazy don't talk oh my god yeah i'm about to like it's almost like curb your enthusiasm style because i'm like about to be like i'm deciding do i want to say shh do i want to say hey do i you know like i'm trying to figure out and then i say nothing and the instructor comes in and i'm like i let them get away with that and it sort of bothered me you know oh you mean the beginning of class right yeah right before the class and it even says on the door like you're entering a silent zone or whatever it's right there's a yoga word for it whatever yeah but it is so annoying that's not good yeah yeah the worst is when someone starts asking you questions so then they start forcing you into a conversation where you're trying to be in your calm zen mind getting ready for your yoga class because getting ready for yoga class is a lot like getting ready for jiu jitsu like you got to warm up a little you got to prepare yourself because you're going to go through some [ __ ] yeah like you got to get ready you got to psychologically prepare yourself yeah someone's like hey man you see [ __ ] yellowstone last night and it's even worse if they're not talking to you kind of because in there it's affecting you just as much as if they were talking to you but now you get to hear two dumb sides of a conversation like no i didn't see yellowstone but i dvr'd it ah my dvr's not working right now i'm like what are you what is going on here are you people crazy like if you're talking here you must be talking everywhere 100 of the time continuously about nothing movie theaters people that talk in movie theaters that's another one oh that's a rough one and not just that but they texted movie theaters so their phone lights up so you see them in front of you and you
see a phone lighting up and like that's the thing about going to movie theaters it makes a movie better if everybody's good yeah very especially a comedy i can i remember want to see something about mary we saw it in the movie theater and it was steve shiripa said it best he said they were killing like a comic was on stage that's what the new jackass movie was like in theaters oh my god and i kept thinking it throughout the whole time the first five minutes in i'm like wow this feels like a stand-up show it has beats continuous absolute continuous beats moments that are funny some moments to different people it's so epic because they have a budget now like they get to do whatever at whatever they want now i can't believe that johnny knoxville after breaking his dick still does those stunts miss dick's broken right i don't want to give anything away but don't chaos happens doesn't he need to use like a pump on his dick because he broke it in one of those stunts well i don't know about that did you hear that yes yes to pump out what to get his dick hard really yes whoa yeah something went wrong yeah oh [ __ ] bro they get hurt like real hurt for real like hit by bulls hurt stomped you know the kind of hurt where you could die johnny knoxville on the time he broke his penis so much has been said about so little [Laughter] what a great line uh i said um a stunt performer tried to perform a backflip on a motorcycle in 2007 when the bike flew into the air and landed on his crotch the subsequent injury to his penis meant that he had to use a catheter for three and a half years holy [ __ ] dude wow wow i broke my gym dog he calls it years ago he calls his dick his gym dog i broke my gym dog a number of years ago it's been well documented so much has been said about so little the injury was
no close call to adding the doctor said a couple of centimeters down it would have been out of commission but i've had two children since then so it's in great working order okay so the the thing about him having a pump is [ __ ] so it's the catheter that's what it's like one of those things look at him up there that's the new one oh gee he gets hit by a bull in the new one yeah they pay homage to the time that the bull knocked him out before oh my god what the [ __ ] man yeah spoiler alert this time it's worse no i don't want to hear that but it's great it's great though out of his [ __ ] mind blindfolded this look at we man's face doing this jesus christ this is so unnecessary those guys i'm telling you this one is a masterpiece i'm sure i heard i've heard nothing but good things nothing with good things jesus christ man what were you talking about before we talked about giant guys uh comedies comedy oh yeah you're seeing something in a movie theater it's like you get that thing of like going to see a comic in a club we're all laughing together this contagious laughter you know but the the problem is like some people just especially in this day and age where people are so damn addicted to their devices they can't not look at their phone for an hour and a half they have to check their phone they have to be texting in the middle of it and they have the they don't even have night mode on so they turn the phone on it's brought blinding white right and you see it all around you while you're watching you have to kind of like ignore this half of your eyesight and out here in austin there's almost exclusively only theaters that have uh waiters and waitresses like it's really different here um it's a you know alamo drafthouse tradition that sort of started here and now the other places all do it so when that happens it's even it even gets a little bit crazier because now people pull out their phones to look at their receipt or to look at the menu or to look at their
bill or whatever and so it's it happens and they do that you know 15 minutes before the movie ends or whatever so it's it's sort of comedy clubby in that way movie theater's need like a chin strap type baseball hat deal yeah that'd be good a little shelf that comes up yeah just like how a baseball hat blinds out the sun your chin strap deal so you could watch a movie look at anybody's phone yeah like i don't want to see your [ __ ] it's something that comes up to like right here so you just watch the whole screen and nothing but the screen but you know it's actually not a bad idea but you know if you did that someone would leave their phone on and they wouldn't be able to get to it sorry the shelf is up right now just be ringing make these goggles for basketball so that when you dribble you don't look down that would probably be the exact same thing interesting is that for drills yeah it cuts off like half your vision have you ever done it ah whoa no that sounds like a yes well i mean these didn't exist when i was like 12 and needed to practice dribbling like this there was something very close to it but not quite like that huh that's interesting well that seems to be a thing that would benefit from just like consistent repetition dribbling like knowing the exact reaction the ball is going to have so you know where it's going to be when you're moving around you know i would oh yeah you don't want to look at that i would imagine and i imagine you could get away without like guys really good at cards they can right in front of you they just have a feel for it they don't have to think about it that's what's amazing about people is that we can learn [ __ ] you know that's really amazing like when you watch someone is really good at something and you watch they learn especially with something that you can't do like [ __ ] gymnastics or something watch them perform some floor routine and you go wow like look what you could figure who you figured out how to do with your body like how weird is that or you know someone who's like really
good at uh anything athletic that's weird like david blaine is teaching magic now oh boy he can buy his class online oh i think you have to become a sorcerer i think he's really i think he's legitimately a sorcerer david blaine was uh so talented it's kind of creepy his uh magic like he did it right in front of us in the green room we were watching him like a hawk i didn't see a goddamn thing did you see anything again i was trying i suppose i like i thought i knew when he was gonna do it where he's gonna do it i set myself up in an angle i felt like i was being a dick i was like i want to know couldn't [ __ ] tell jamie was like on that [ __ ] like a hawk on a power line um you couldn't tell i could not tell i saw david copperfield flying when i was a kid i was like look at the [ __ ] string dad look [ __ ] uh ruins it yeah yeah that's there's an old uh teddy bergeron joke about going to see peter pan and there's a little kid and he's going to see peter pan it's like wow this is amazing look peter pan's flying and he goes and there's always someone in the audience going he's on a wire he's on a wire look santa claus isn't real and he's on a wire [Laughter] that's hilarious it's true it's like people want to see behind the curtain who's the who'd you say teddy bergeron do you know what teddy bears ron is that the guy that hosted like hollywood squares or something no no no no no no that's todd bergeron ma what's his name he's got a very similar name too he hosted uh dancing with the stars or something right didn't he he was uh tom tom tom bergeron yeah he was on television in boston when i lived in boston he was like a local television personality and then he became national when he was on he was dancing with the stars right is that what he hosted and he hosted that like forever yeah
hollywood squares first yes so oh he did host that as well so teddy bergeron was one of the first guys to come out of boston that really cracked on the tonight show he was brilliant um but teddy liked to party and i don't mean like like the party like teddy like to go into other dimensions and wake up on a park bench wow and he just would get [ __ ] up and mess things up and in his prime though like damn he was good i saw him when i was an open miker and i'd only done comedy like i think once or twice and i went to an open mic and i was waiting and he you know dropped in to do like 10 minutes so he dropped into 10 minutes and i was almost like i should just quit i should quit he was so polished it was so smooth like every like all of his bits were so like well thought out i was like wow he's so good but substances yeah that's him and play some of that that guy likes to play basically the two years were spent trying to figure the people out there because they're somewhat different i remember one night i was playing my stereo really loud about three in the morning blaring through the room and uh a little old lady that lives in the next apartment started banging on my door what the hell's the matter with you turn the base up sure but i'm back in new york uh east coast where people are normal a little too normal too formal here so i dressed tonight like this because uh it's an officious city today someone asked me for the correct time hadn't had that in a long time excuse me a young man if you got the correct time i have a meeting i need the correct time as opposed to what the incorrect time i mean who wants to know that bright sunny day man's walking along a beach have you got the incorrect time it's uh midnight thank you but i started uh in boston in a comedy career and i had to leave unfortunately it's a great comedy city that's not good
yeah it's not quite how we remember little glen gary glenn ross no way worse do you know what it is it's like that's a tonight show set and you got to [ __ ] water everything down yeah 84. yeah it's that's uh four years before i even saw him you got to see him in the clubs you know he uh it was a great comic but that's just those those tonight show sets are the worst you know you're standing out there you don't even have a microphone it's not a comedy club audience you're moving your hands around because you don't know what to do with them because you're not holding a mic right it's the opposite of a real club with phones locked up it's the opposite of it yeah what's worse because you're not even really at a club you're you know you're at a tv taping so this is like artificial pressure right it's daytime people don't realize like it's like four in the afternoon that's also 1980s comedy there's a thing about 1980s comedy is you have to put it in the context of 1980s you really do i mean obviously you have guys in the 80s that were producing stuff that's like top of the food chain like prior and eddie griffin or eddie uh eddie griffin sure i don't know when he started actually but i met eddie murphy um and then also of course kennison and kennison and then dice clay so kennison is like 85-86 he pops so you got to think of that like that's when people changed what they thought of as comedy and it's wild when you go back and watch like i wouldn't tell any of those jokes and if you were telling those jokes i'd be like get rid of that one yeah that one sucks get rid of it yeah get rid of it yeah but it's like you know and i'd be like i thought so thank you but it's one of those things it's like back then i'd be like those are solid jokes if we were living in the 80s we were idiots yeah nobody knew any better yeah like the culture has changed so much and so many more people contribute into like the conversation about what's good and what sucks and what's what's interesting and what's cliche and it's uh
such a [ __ ] accelerated time for the like the change in human culture and i don't know if we really recognize how accelerated it is i think it's happening so fast and it's a part of us while it's happening so it just seems normal just normal normal day but if you go back and look at it over the context of like from 1984 to today like holy [ __ ] what a difference what a monumental difference the world like in the world rather how much it's changed since 84. i mean it's not that long ago man you know it's 38 years yep it's not 38 years it's not that long but it might as well be a thousand might as well be from another time weird blurry television images and that's how old i am and that's what's crazy is like i feel like well you were reborn 84. wow and i feel like people um i don't know i just feel like i got to sort of live at all because i remember there being rotary phones and i remember when this thing the internet was like starting and yeah and crazy wild time i remember when vhs tapes came out that's how old i am wow i remember when people couldn't watch tv unless you were at home when the show aired right and then they came out with this thing where you could tape things yeah and play it back later oh yeah i remember that i mean i was very young but like yeah i had one of those like rock solid big ass tvs that you couldn't do anything with you needed a dolly or multiple people or whatever i remember there were vhs tapes and then you could hook two vcr players together and you could copy tapes oh yeah so then they came out with a thing that was like a little hole in the back of the tape that wouldn't let you copy it but then people figured out all you do is put a piece of tape over that little hole and then you can copy it right is that how it worked my is my memory accurate it's like the first copyright protection it was like a tab that was removed right oh you'll never be able to copy now i'll pull this little piece of plastic out
and you could just duct tape over it and then it would be good to go it's almost like there was like a little thing and if it's set into that little hole that it left it wouldn't record liquidy one of my [ __ ] baby that thing that's the little tab i do remember it snap that tab off like a gangster [ __ ] you this thing's done no one's ever getting in here another one i thought of recently was how cool it was to have a walkman with a cd in it and how often those would skip and how like that skip delay there was like three seconds skip delay i you had to either turn it on or off lord knows why it just wouldn't automatically be on all the time oh i remember because it would drain your battery a little bit faster if you had the skip protection on all the time so you'd really only want to use it if you were working out or whatever and it would skip all the time everything would skip all that if you hit any bump you would skip they would skip in your car remember those days yeah esp it was electronic skip protection but like it's that's you could see the future so you know it wasn't [ __ ] yeah the the thing is like they figured out how to make it so that you could play a cd in your car and it won't skip though how'd they do that yeah how'd they do that i don't know is it just better reading does it hold it in place better like yeah i would have to go without looking it up i'd go yeah probably was a more expensive cd player that had stabilization in it but i think do they still make cd players yeah that is wild who's got cds laying around i was just thinking about that today you start with you'd have to carry a case and people would break into cars to steal your cdks and cd cases yeah i remember music you would have like uh like the case would be clear plastic and you'd have the cd cover on one side and the actual cd on the other side you know so you could see ooh bob seeger night moves i used to go to the library when i first first got out of high school and moved to los angeles i would go to the actual freaking library like i remember getting the eagles greatest hits and not knowing much about the eagles at all
and being like oh this will be a good get like i remember checking it out because check out music for the library yeah you can 2000 2003 2004 2005. with the right library card you can get movies to download movies that aren't on netflix or hbo really yeah they're not where are they what are they on i don't know like independent movies or something or they just don't have the license form right now so they're not on there today but like they've been on there they're just not always on there and you can have access to them same with music you can download music from the library how does it work with things where something is over a certain amount of years old that doesn't have copyright protection anymore right very confusing and it has to do with disney he set that [ __ ] up he did yep he didn't want people to take over mickey mouse because that's kind of like what he took those first stories were all public domain stories almost and then they just added a character and rewrote the story like snow white knows really really really old story but they did the cartoon version of it so then like this before he died i want to say it's 50s 60s got some stuff through congress that it added 27 years or something like a date it's like 25 27 years past the death of the person who was the original copyright holder and then a couple years later they added that you could add your child or something like that to be the holder so then it's 27 years after their death very confusing but that's like that's how sting got the money for that all the money from the daddy song it's very it's it gets in the copyright lawyer stuff you know when you see photos of uh walt disney at disneyland all of his cigarettes are photoshopped out oh so you see him there standing there like this wow in all these pictures he's sitting around like this but he's got his two fingers like this but there's nothing in his hand whoa yeah because he died from lung cancer oh wow he died from smoking cigarettes he smoked himself to death wow and uh it wasn't that old either i want to say he's in the 60s yeah see all his see how his hand see
his hand right there wow yeah and look his hand right there they photoshopped the cigarettes out he always had a cigarette in his hand three packs a day yeah man homeboy was pumping he had a lot of energy that's pretty much continuous yeah look at that where that finger is look at his finger where the cigarette should be wild right oh here we go right there right there get that he always had a cigarette on him how old was he when he died i don't think it was that old man tom hanks played him yeah the tom hanks he's put his fingers together like disney did but he didn't have a finger i didn't have a cigarette in there saving mr banks starring tom hanks's walt disney so he was doing stop stop moving the two-finger point and the smoking two even made it into saving mr banks so tom hanks is doing the two-finger pointing like as if he had a cigarette in his hand but tom hank's character doesn't have a cigarette in his hand why would he play walt disney and not have a cigarette if walt disney constantly smoked because why would he have something weird about cigarettes now it's like an actual warning that's so dumb you're talking about it what i was talking about i wonder who pays 2014 that's hilarious that's me i'm in this article wait what it's me i'm talking about it in 2014. oh that's hilarious oh you know why because i went with my kids and um um we realized what we have uh this guy uh shout out to flander who is uh he's not just a guide there he's like a historian he knows a lot about walt disney and disney world and all the disney franchise movies and he's the one explaining to me he showed me all the photos he's like look look at his fingers i was like whoa how old was he when he died see if he could find how he died but he he died from cancer sticks bummer yeah i mean it is an enjoyable thing though it's uh it's what a rush when you don't do it for a while and then you have a
cigarette like right before a show the second cigarette doesn't help though i've realized that like it's one cigarette it's only one cigarette before a show he was 65. he was 65. that's pretty good you say that until you're 64. that's a good point yeah and then you'd be like [ __ ] and then you see this like tim kennedy had uh some guy's dad uh on his instagram page a few months ago and he's like this is my friend's dad he's 70. that was ripped 70 six pack looked great looked 50 working out like doing like some [ __ ] crazy circuit with those navy seal guys did you see danny elfman and coachella no freak musician but uh old people racing this guy's 70 he ran a 13 and a half second 100 meter dash what uh that's very fast yes let me see this rick hansen how old are all these guys that guy in the front is 70. yeah oh my god look at him go holy [ __ ] dude wow [Applause] that's very fast holy [ __ ] especially okay masters 70 and older holy [ __ ] is that their age yes 82 yes what unbelievable so you see the results there oh that might be their numbers michael uh no he's 82. give him the number right all right says 70. no it's 77 years old how long could he do that man he might be able to do it in 10 years that guy flying that's very that's crazy a lot faster than i could ever run ever in my whole life how fast you think you could run one now my knees [ __ ] i can't really run like that right now until this thing gets better we should race i have a problem is that i know that uh like if i kick really hard with this knee it winds up getting hurt again and i i don't care once i'm hitting the bag i don't care i just want to smash it i just want to [ __ ] just the ability to do that is so fun it's so hard to resist but i gotta
resist right now i've just got some stem cells shot into it and ways to well um hooked me up and took care of my knee and some iv stem cells and some bpc157 and they're trying to fix whatever's going on there and it's definitely feeling better i had a treatment that was only a couple of weeks ago it's feeling a lot better so i got to be nice to it so no running but i've been doing a lot of stuff with my legs i can do a lot of stuff that doesn't hurt i just have to make sure that like anything that tweaks it or makes it feel weird i'm just going to leave it alone i think i can get it back to where it was yeah we went to the gym a couple weeks ago that was good what did we do the boxing gym oh that's right yeah took you to a boxing gym did you enjoy new skills hell yeah there's no better workout than that yeah i mean that's one i used to go to wild card in hollywood and uh there were times that i threw up in the garbage can like it's just a workout that you get lost in it and even though it's only whatever two or three minute rounds it's three minutes when you're hitting yeah mitts hard or hitting a bag hard is a long [ __ ] time it's a long time if you're pitter-pattering the back maybe just going like this like you've ever watched floyd mayweather hit the bag crazy floyd weather doesn't hit the back hard most of the time most of the time he just goes like this but he's just continuous he never stops punching and then wow and then he continuously punches like tap tap tap tap tap bang bang bang bang bang tap tap tap tap tap when you watch him do it it's an unusual rhythm that i never saw before him watch how he does this look give me some volume look at this how long has he been going don't tell him yeah no so he's been doing this for he'll do this for like 10 15 minutes like it's not just like he doesn't do three-minute rounds so do as long as he feels like it but look how he punches so he gets a lot of touching it not he's not killing the back he's just what he's doing is continuously hitting
it continuously hitting it one good thing about a boxing gym too is you watch people that actually know what they're doing and you realize like how hard someone can hit you it's horrifying yeah when you watch someone smash a bag or smash pads and you go oh jesus christ you know and you're in a gym like that gym with real boxers and kickboxers and mma fighters yeah i got to watch manny manny pacquiao work out in his prime back then and that's amazing holy smokes so much of it stood out the speed the [ __ ] snap there's just a different thing but one of the things that really stood out was he was jumping rope and it looked like if you looked at his head it looked like he wasn't leaving the ground he was like staying in the same spot and it didn't even look like his feet were leaving the floor it was such quick rapid movements that it just looked like his shoes were sort of like vibrating the only way that you knew that he was jumping the rope was a he was it was coming back around and b his calf muscles would flare out like that they would go from they were ridiculous they would just go from i don't know they're huge yeah he's he's known for his legs and it's interesting because there's so many like athletes like him prince naseem ahmed there's quite a few guys that are known for having like really ridiculous leg strength and you realize like oh well punches come from the legs like that's a big part of it and the movement like between him and naseem ahmed one of the things they both shared in common is their ability to like cut angles and move so quickly you know manny could just like like he could zip zap and a lot of it was his footwork i mean his footwork and his leg dexterity and he was always running hills and always doing jump ropes i think he's done right did he retire officially look at the size of those calves jesus christ to have calves like that is i mean that is a massive benefit because to be able to move quickly and lightly on your feet is everything in a boxing match do you want to move in and out and move away from things move side to side he's a weird guy too and that he's so
nice yeah like he's so [ __ ] nice and yet he's a straight up killer it's like eight division world champion at least so nice yeah such a sweetheart of a guy yeah nice to everybody to everybody just all smiling and everything like that but there's a guy's got a [ __ ] entourage to feed yeah bro we did a thing with uh uh tash and i did it uh for his show i forgot what i did something like i took him with me to a boxing gym and hung out with manny pacquiao and manny pacquiao punched him in the face like it was part of the sketch and he you know he hit him and tosh would fall down i go you got to hit him harder than that you got hit him a little harder just actually hit him a little bit just a little bit and tasha's looking at me like what the [ __ ] i'm like you gotta let him hit ya so i'm giving i guess i'm giving him advice that's joe with the beard days wow [Music] i'm telling him how to hold a mouthpiece in his mouth i don't know what i'm wearing there i'm wearing some kind of silver suit here it goes i mean that's he's just touching him too i think that's probably the second time he hit him we had him hit him a little harder tasha's a real he's a sport he went in there and troopered it out took one for the team but it was his idea not mine wow yeah balls yeah [ __ ] getting punched by that guy i think he's done though right isn't manny pacquiao retired i think so i think something but i mean all these boxers i mean they're just always one payday away from a return well it's that and it's also i think president right now so ah president of the philippines temporary retirement listen they might do something to him be careful bro philippines don't play you know if he um wanted to keep fighting though what's
going on today with athletes as long as they're not testing them you can get away with a lot of wild [ __ ] and there's always been like shenanigans with certain boxing matches like what they test and what they don't whether they they bring in vada or whether they just sort of [ __ ] flying under the radar and try to piss clean the day of the fight and who's in whose pocket and what's you know because it's like you can get away with competing way later if you're doing things who was the guy that cemented his gloves against uh margarito yeah yeah yeah he um he against miguel cotto who [ __ ] miguel cotto up and and then uh sugar shane mosley's team caught something in his gloves it's caught something in his wraps when they were backstage and they found that he was putting like plaster of paris inside his wraps so what that means is like where his wraps are he had coated in plaster so then you would add water to it and then it would harden so from the time he gets his hands wrapped to the time he goes out there he's got hard like a hard sheath over his knuckles like a plaster sheath so he's got this the wraps and he's got whatever this plaster like material tell me what that material was was that it was a this says it was a pout a plastic repairs powder that got water on it right it would harden up so he would do that and then get it wet and then [ __ ] people up like he had bricks in his hands he'd [ __ ] people up man yeah that kind of power that i mean if you is it's so rare to have that kind of power but some guys actually do like deontay wilder actually has that kind of bricks in your hand power and it's such a big advantage and if you have bricks in your hand power like margarito has power and on top of that he's put plaster all over his knuckles yeah he's just brutalizing people and then sugar shane found out about his team found out about before the fight so he went out there with regular gloves on and regular raps thinking he was going to be able to fight sugar chain and cheat i'm pretty
sure [ __ ] him up yeah sugar shame [ __ ] him up he [ __ ] him up so bad that margarita had to get eyeball surgery and uh after that margarita's like one eye was like never the same it was like questionable whether or not he should have been allowed to fight i believe he had a i think he had an artificial retina put in it was one of those deals which is wild man they do that now i was watching a commercial about that online where this guy was um replacing people's retinas with an artificial retina and uh that you could see like glasses it's like they just cut yours out and put a new one in i was like what but the thing about it is they were saying that you might get haloing at night like i know a guy who had uh lasik surgery and he can't drive at night what happens he had a he had a problem he had a rare but but prevalent react i mean prevalent a rare but it's one of the side effects of lasik is haloing whereas if you see lights at night the lights you don't just see the light you see like a halo around the light and that halo around the light obscures things that you might not be able to see like as you're driving so he can't drive at night that's gotta suck that's gotta suck yeah find out about that like haloing under lasik i mean maybe he got it a long time ago and maybe it's uh maybe the new way's better ari got lasik really and then his eyes got worse oh because he got older so his eyes kept getting worse so it was fixed for a while knowing ari he probably got the cheapest lace this is [ __ ] i had a [ __ ] groupon i paid 25 dollars for the lasik yes i glare and halos are a common issue that patients experience after they receive lasik surgery in fact glare after lasik is an extremely frequent side effect that you might have to deal with following this procedure in the event that you see different kinds of halos and glares following lasiks you should know this is normal you might also see glare taking the shape of star bursts starbursts are not a ring surrounding
light lights like the more common forms of glare starbursts look more like a glow that disperses itself around the light instead so that kind of [ __ ] is not good that's [ __ ] terrible like why do they appear okay uh we'll create a flap in the upper most so this is a lasix vision website where they're trying to sell you lasiks will create a flap in the uppermost portion of your cornea when we perform lasik surgery the uppermost portion of your cornea is the epithelium we'll lift up this flap so that we can adjust the entire contour of your cornea using a surgical laser after we make the epithelial flap once we have finished altering the shape of your cornea we put the epithelial flap back down your eyes need some time to adapt to the new shape of your cornea after we make the epithelial flap and put it back down if you see halos near bright lights this is simply a step in your eyes healing process you may also see halos close to bright objects as your eyes go through the process of healing and adjusting to your cornea's new shape well for my friend he didn't start off getting uh glare he he got it later she know that halos are a type of glare in vision that temporarily changes your vision following lasik you see halos primarily at night after lasik hailers are usually more common in low light conditions and they look like bright circles surrounding sources of light like street lights and headlights even though we commonly call halos a side effect of lasik they're not exactly a side effect as we usually use the that term instead halos are a normal sign that your eyes have started recovering that's not what my friend is having my friend had it years and years ago and uh he just recently developed halos so i don't know it's crazy side effects on things are insane well the fact that they're that's a big deal that means you can't drive at night that's that's a giant deal yeah like if you had a choice to wear glasses or not
drive at night i would say i'm gonna wear glasses yeah [ __ ] you talking about yeah don't drive at night it's fun driving at night no big deal bro just take ubers and everywhere you go be psychedelic all the lights will be like glowing and imagine every imagine going to vegas if you halo like everywhere oh no outside the neon everything's got a halo around it what does that look like do they have an image like a representation of what lasik halos look like to someone who is suffering from them i want to see that there's eye drops that my doctor uh gave me to try it's like try these out like what are they he's like there look at that's what it looks like whoa so these folks can't see [ __ ] like and that's just those headlights right as they get close and they take up your entire field of vision like it's going to obscure some of the uh the things you're seeing i wonder if they make glasses that limit the halo effect that would be ironic yeah i bet they're wouldn't that i think yeah you have to wear glasses to eliminate the halo like yellow glasses like hunter thompson type glasses yeah there's got to be glasses do they make it they make glasses to see golf balls on right but see see if they do that um glasses to remove halos because if they do that well then you go well that's not that big a deal you just wear your halo glasses when you drive at night what do you think you think they do i mean i don't think it doesn't maybe just regular sunglasses would help right because if it's something to yeah it seems like polarized lenses or something like that do it polarized lenses are great you ever use those when you go fishing oh it's great they cut out all the glare you can see in the water you see where the fish are really yeah you lift them up and you don't see [ __ ] you put them on you see the shadows of the fish swimming around oh wow yeah
they're pretty dope like that would help a lot oh it helps a lot yeah yeah it's a big deal i'm about to buy for the same purpose once you're out there you can't see your ball out of time a lot of the time i forgot you guys are competitive let me tell you oh yeah jamie's been whacking that ball son he's got a spooky drive but what jamie knows is it said it's not exactly a test of strength i mean he can hit the ball very hard and very far does that make you jealous no it should no because we're not talking jealous and i don't even play golf a big part of the game joe is where you hit the ball yeah yeah you can get that eventually exactly but right like if somebody kicked really hard but they didn't kick you yeah but no no no no no no no no no this smile just went off what he's saying what he's saying is how i approached martial arts i learned how to kick hard first and then i learned how to kick people okay first then you figure out where to kick them well you kick hard first and kick fast and then it's about closing distance and fainting no no it's less complicated kicking someone's way more complicated than the ball it doesn't move shut the [ __ ] up don't ever say that i mean there's not a chance in hell that it's easier to hit a golf ball that it's not easier to hit a golf ball than just kick somebody there's not a chance in [ __ ] hell you know how smart golfers are and how dumb fighters are you know you don't know what you're talking about what i'm saying is it's super difficult to kick someone it's super easy to hit a golf ball whether you hit a golf ball perfectly that's a different story whether you hit it i mean it's easy to hit it's right there it's not moving anywhere it's right there neither is the bag that you're kicking we're talking about a person kicking a person that's what we're talking about that's what you're you're saying like fighters are dumb like to be able to close the distance the fighters are dumb i'm just saying that no
they're dumb compared you don't think the style vendor is smarter than john daly you're out of your [ __ ] mind i mean you're out of your [ __ ] mind they're both no that's a tough one i bet he could do uh survive a night partying better than style bender well of course strawberries healthy i mean that's not a diss the style bender i'm just saying john daly's all there he's got a lot of great stories very funny guys very present no brain zero brain damage a lot of liver damage no hangovers doesn't feel all hangovers ever ever how is it possible that's what he said i was going to show you the video earlier i don't that's what he's got he's a professional isn't it amazing they avoid sugar you can be an a full-on alcoholic and excel at golf doesn't that throw your [ __ ] idea of intelligence and strategy and all that away like you don't even have to have control of your body you can be an alcoholic okay the greatest fighter of all time is jon jones i rest my case yeah but jon jones never showed up high you don't think you're so funny right now this is like our pro wrestling talks when you take a stand on something you will say the craziest nick diaz has shown up and fought high when he fought gomi he was high they suspended him for a long time he got he tested positive like through the roof of uh his marijuana levels like when he fought gomi he was high he got gomi in a go-go plata which is a crazy move to pull off an mma super [ __ ] rare if you watch how he sets it up he he gets hit by gomi i think gomi even fractured his cheek he goes into the guard gomi was a [ __ ] powerful puncher because gomi would throw punches the way a fastball like a pitcher would throw a fastball because he was a baseball player so gomi had like that whip from throwing basketball baseball rather did i say basketball i said baseball right like you would throw a fastball and he would apply that whip to punching and he cracked nick and had this big [ __ ] cut on his cheeks cheeks well up and they went to the ground and nick wrapped him up in a gogo plata
and uh put his arm or his his arm trapped in one leg shin underneath the neck and then gable grips behind the neck and pulls down on his death it's a crazy move to get somebody in the first place even crazier when you're high as [ __ ] and he was fighting high yeah wasn't that sort of the same thing jon jones to cormier i beat you after a weekend of cocaine double champ well that was the week before he said a weekend of cocaine he didn't beat him after he didn't like do cocaine that week he did it the week before the fight and on top of that he wasn't fighting on coke nick diaz was fighting high john parties a lot yeah but if you look at john without a shirt off and you'll get john daly without a shirt off you're not making any confusion i mean yes if we're having a beauty pageant no no no no no no no no no no no no no no if you want to decide hey one of these guys is an athlete and one of these guys plays a game drunk which one do you think it is yeah you got me there i mean i don't think that he's not awesome at golf he's a [ __ ] amazing golf player there's no doubt about it i've watched videos of john daly play he's incredible i think it's just amazing that a guy could be like known for being addicted to essentially a drug and just on it all the time and plays on it smokes cigarettes and drinks drinks diet coke like 16 diet cokes a day yeah but you know there's been pool players like that too like steve mizorak before he died steve mizrack was an enormous guy and he was like one of the best players in the world that's way overweight there's another guy buddy hall who's also like one of the best players of all time he's one of the best players of all time and in his early days according to his book i've got his i've got a rare copy of his book the rifle man and his uh it's like rags to riches the rifle man i forget what it was it's an old book that was like self-published so it's like the font size is one size on one page and smaller on the next page it's totally janky but it's a dope book it's like a cool book to own because
it's rare you can't it's hard to find them like they sell them on forums and [ __ ] they're real expensive but back in the early days is this john daly yeah but he's got a case of beer on his cart with yeah i like you better than him i like your swing better well i like the case of beer though his swing's pretty [ __ ] light beer so he's he's hanging out him and shane gillis they're cuffed from the same cloth yes yeah they really are big drinkers shane gillis on the podcast 15 miller lights yeah bud lights 15 bud lights yeah he did 11 on kel tony which is only an hour and 45 minutes so what a [ __ ] i think he's i think his drink per minute times even higher but he's meanwhile he's losing late yeah yeah he's working out all the time sends me pictures of him flexing he looks good wow yeah yeah he's hired a [ __ ] trainer he got inspired something something clicked in him he got inspired i love it i'm worried about him wow someone because that's a lot you're drinking 15 beers in a three-hour podcast like holy [ __ ] dude i mean we were with stan hopeless look at him looks good that's one of the funniest man alive right there no doubt one of the funniest men alive when i worked with him in irvine i finally got to watch his whole set when me him and monty franklin did uh irvine god damn he killed me monty was very funny too but i had seen monty before i had never seen shane do it like a full set it was [ __ ] great his trump is off the charts that trump impression is so good yeah it's the best because he's got great lines like great stand-up comic lines with an amazing impression so he can't stop laughing he's the best it's a good time for comedy buddy yeah it's a good time yep it's a good time shout out to our boy hans kim because hans kim went up and fought him about [ __ ] arena this kid's been he was homeless two years ago gets on kills he was living in his van four to six months ago live in his van four to six months ago gets on kill tony uh becomes a regular on kill tony shows incredible work ethic
like we were talking about before just putting in the time and the effort who puts in the time and effort more than hans nobody nobody sometimes i'll look over my shoulder to see what he's doing on his phone and he's always on a spreadsheet going over staring at jokes rewriting jokes taking out a word adding a word it's a [ __ ] animal he's not doing anything else no [ __ ] yeah he's an animal yep and uh murdering on stage he's coming for everybody's jobs he's he's there he's he's doing everything that we talked earlier about which is obsessing hours a day being a crazy person and he loves it he lives for it so duncan did colorado with us and then after colorado duncan you know came to my house we're all hanging out and um he was like dude i'm so inspired now i'm so ready he goes i needed those shows i needed to see like first of all i need to see you guys you're tight and you guys have been doing stand up like so much and he goes and i'm like trimming the fat off this now i'm excited i want to write more i want to perform more he's like god it feels so good he goes it's so exciting and uh and he's moving to austin yeah yeah we're gonna have duncan here too what a [ __ ] lineup we're gonna have buddy it's crazy come on man that's literally the wrong dream lineup ron white maybe we could talk roseanne into it she's coming i told stan i would buy an apartment for him i go come here just come here come here whenever you want i'll get you an apartment yeah joey diaz is going to come on a regular basis we're going to do oh that's something we're doing that just tickets just went on sale for atlantic city friday and saturday june 3rd and 4th joey diaz tony hinchcliffe and me um we're at the hard rock right is that what it is it's like a new arena new arena at the hard rock in atlantic city whoa that's gonna be fun and uh yeah we got joey back on stage again this is all so exciting it's so fun man the beautiful thing about having something almost taken away from you
like the way everybody felt about stand up is that when it comes back you just you're so excited and invigorated like last night i was so excited yeah i was so excited to go on stage i couldn't wait i mean we had such a lineup last night hans kim doug stanhope roseanne barr ron white you and me i mean it's the show's five assassins deep before i ever even get on stage yeah that's a crazy amazing amazing that's a crazy lineup anywhere i think we have the best crowds yeah they're the best crowds they're so fun they're so enthusiastic it's all word of mouth doesn't have that weird la new york we're judging you vibe it's the we came out to have fun came out to have fun yeah they're not coming out because they're in the industry you know there's people that would sit in a crowd in l.a and you know they wanted to be an actor or they think they're going to be on a reality show and there's so much ego yeah there's so much but it's not like everybody has ego but it's like it's not just ego it's like they there's like a clout chasing status-y [ __ ] thing to it like who's the coolest guy in the room you know those like people that they go in they'll look for like cool people and they're barely talking to you and then they walk away from you yeah and you're like oh okay right ew like nobody does that here here they just talk yep it's like normal that [ __ ] that machine that comedy has been connected to for so long has ruined so many potential great comics because it's turned them into like some sitcoms person yep watered down yeah cleaner version of their funniest self not just cleaner but like censored right certain subjects are not worth discussing it's too too hard i mean some think about some of your best bits yeah they're subjects that people don't want to [ __ ] with at all right like there's certain comedians if you [ __ ] with those subjects at all you will get banned from television shows nobody will want to work with you nobody will want to be have anything to do with you that's why
i love it being my bread and butter yeah so fun there's a market for it but i was going to say and the market is the market's right here swinging around yeah i want to pay for it yeah i want to watch it if i'm if i was an audience member that's what i would say yeah i don't want to i you don't have to be espousing you're you're every virtue and political belief on stage you can lie if it's funny say something funny that's not true i'm just trying to laugh right like i can get my intellectual discourse out in other forms i don't need it in my comedy my comedy i just need funny i mean if it's brilliant and creative funny great but if it's if it's brilliant but not funny you might want to tighten up that [ __ ] right i might want to might want to throw little jokes in there yeah last night was fun because i just got to ride that crazy wave that was in the room the energy and uh that's a lot of it yeah that was it was [ __ ] awesome it was awesome hans kim always starts it off crazy but that was insane yeah well he's a great guy to get it started off too because he's so structured he gets you into a rhythm very quickly where you're laughing set up punch line set up punchline they're all like really good funny there there's no fat in his material economy of words excellent it's just um you know it's cool to see comedy outside of any other system just comedy by itself you know it's comedy supported by just live comedy like that's where it's at it's best it's when it's connected to all those other things like your potential to do other shows or agents opinions or managers opinions like that's one of the things that we were going over this weekend was like opinions that people have given guys like duncan or you or and this terrible ideas that they've given you like what you should be doing with your career right and where you're messing up and that those things that told you not to do wind up being the best things you ever do yeah yeah got to be untethered from the system you know i feel bad for a lot of a lot of the people that i started with they
never changed their like goals they wanted when i started i was like part of the last group of being on the tonight show and getting a comedy central half hour is the ultimate like obviously a one-hour hbo special but those weren't even really being given out comedy central one hour specials the top but people were still striving to be on conan or the tonight show when i very first started and that is a specific kind of set as we just saw when we tried to watch todd bergen whatever right teddy bergeron yeah teddy bergeron that that was like you know a lot of setup very like odd segways in 1984. he had some really good bits that just wasn't it that wasn't a good set but my point is is like a lot of the people that i started with got good at those types of sets censored tv sets yeah and who it's just safe you could see it on tv so some guys that are great at that like brian regan who has that kind of everything safe on television but it's brilliant yeah and it's hilarious or jim gaffigan same deal right all safe for television but brilliant right yeah and then after those two which we all name when these come up there is a long drop off who else is out there that's like uh super squeaky clean that's really good who else in that vein in that vein i would say they're the two guys brian regan and gaffigan are the two guys they are the squeaky guys that murder well actually no you gotta say sebastian too that's who i was thinking yeah you gotta factor in sebastian because sebastian squeaky clean and he murders like sebastian you could bring your grandmother you could bring your uncle you could bring your dad you can bring anybody like and if you're on the east coast that [ __ ] guy's killing it he sold out four shows in madison square garden that's just preposterous like what what that's outrageous he's so cool he's very cool and that um that's about it
yeah who else name another one park nate nate pargotti oh neighbor galaxy right monet is hilarious very clean that's good good catch nate that's about it said it are we done i literally can't think of it there's a few wizards but the thing is like nate and gaff again if you talk them off stage they have the same sense of humor offstage like it's that sort of dry like hilarious but clean that view of things that's very funny there's not a lot of those guys yeah was uh dane cook was clean i guess right no he had swears yeah he swore yeah he had he definitely had sex material he had swears he had he's just regular there's not a lot of guys that commit to that completely clean thing you know you know jay leno is a great example someone was like completely clean fluffy oh yeah gabriel's yeah super clean gabriel who [ __ ] sells out more than him he sells out dodger stadium yeah twice oh my god and it's not like he's not around la all the time as well you know do you know fluffy has like a whole garage filled with vw bugs no yeah he doesn't collect cars he collects one kind of car over and over and over and over again wow yeah it's the weirdest thing it's the weirdest thing to collect he has a whole warehouse filled with these reconditioned vw bugs look at this how incredible was that like why would he have so many of these bugs i don't get it like what it what is it about this one particular it's got a nice firebird too but it's all it's weird three million dollar vw buzz collection what the [ __ ] man how weird is that how many vw buses he has come on yeah it's interesting i wonder if they're different bro that's bizarre as [ __ ] he's got a whole warehouse filled with vw buses like his warehouse that's warehouse is [ __ ] dope look how crazy that is look at the fluffy museum oh my god
so he's got a massive ass warehouse filled with like artwork and [ __ ] what is he saying about those paintings give me some volume on this fluffy museum to resemble the personal favorite buses volkswagen buses because i don't have a cocaine problem and i needed somewhere to spend the money honestly uh i talked to jay leno and jay told me he says you know what he says people are going to tell you to invest your money certain ways he goes but with me he goes i like i like the cars because first of all if they're classic it is an investment it's an investment you can enjoy so you can drive them and when you sell them they'll be worth more each one of these is valued somewhere between one to two hundred thousand now i have no intention of selling but at the end of the day as soon as i'm gone and when i'm being gone this is gonna be turned into a museum for uh for the city of long beach wow i'd like that firebird too i need to get one of those and grow me a burt reynolds mustache yeah yeah diet black maybe get a toupee oh cowboy hat let's do it i'm ready you see a firebird you want to be [ __ ] burt reynolds like that fire look at that firebird you want a classic though oh it's signed by bird oh wow there it is that's me i need that look that's how i feel when i'm doing that on my couch like a conversion i don't look at that thing that's a real one i think that might be a conversion see what it says i have a feeling that that is a new trick see what it says like right there give me some volume we uh we sent the black camaro over to our friends at transcendental yeah in about six months they turned that black camaro into this beautiful thing of art i am so scared to drive this car uh unfortunately as soon as burt reynolds passed away the value of this thing went through the roof and yeah if i scuff it at starbucks i'm gonna cry that's a camaro it's a modern camaro that they redid to make it look like a pontiac firebird because the pontiac
doesn't exist anymore and pontiac was a gm car so like if you go back to like 1968 the pontiac firebird shared in common a lot of parts with the the camaro of that year like if you looked at a very similar body shape they just had a little bit of a difference in the rear taillight assembly and a little bit of difference in the grille and the front bumper and all that jazz and the hood but a firebird and a camaro were almost they were almost interchangeable so with this new one they take it since pontiac doesn't exist anymore they take it they send it to a company and the company converts it that's what i was looking at them like that things looks too modern 1968 volkswagen transporter that served as his first car when he was 17 years old that's amazing it's got 80 of them now that's crazy 80 80 vw bugs the problem with those is you need a specific [ __ ] to buy those yeah you know you buy a bunch of corvettes everybody wants a corvette right you buy a bunch of those things and people go uh yeah it's cool i guess yes yes if you're gonna get one why would you get a expensive one but you know what that shows me that fluffy doesn't give a [ __ ] because he's not trying to impress anybody with his vw bugs he likes them he's buying them because he likes them it's a way to make sure your business manager doesn't steal your money invest in bugs yep you gotta sell those though dude maybe i'm wrong maybe it's easy to sell them but maybe it's not easy to sell 80 of them there's a sweet chain same he's got yeah so that's a real one that looks like a real trans am to me the one to the right that's a charger the one in front of challenger that um that trans am to the right lower corner we only see the front fender that's the conversion one so that's basically the only one that's like really drives well and handles well because it handles like modern uh camaros they make a modern camaro i think what is it the
lt1 i think is their their killer camaro they make a modern camaro with 600 plus horsepower it's [ __ ] preposterous you know why they call it a trans am it's a type of race um it's like a car that was uh it's a model named after a type of car for racing i believe i think it's like a trans am race what is it because there's iraq right international race of champions was an iraq trans am that was a type of trans am that was like all the guido's had back when i lived in uh boston guys who had an iroc like oh he's the [ __ ] look at he's got his eye rock it sounded good when they pulled up [Music] they were there the bomb diggity back then yeah i don't know much about cars i just know that i'm now obsessed with corvettes well you have a c8 which is the absolute best corvette that's ever been made the new corvette is a [ __ ] masterpiece it's so good dude it brings me so much joy on a daily basis that it's crazy i i can imagine it's a cro i love your car i'm so happy you got it i like to sit in it and just [ __ ] just the the way they have contoured that dashboard and have this panel to the right with all the buttons on it and then you're you're holding that steering wheel you're locked into them like my god this thing is good legit race style like rectangle wheel whatever that's called they should make it in a six-speed manual though they should they should have a few of those as an option corvette just please i know it's not as fast 0-60 but that's not the we're not in a race it's about enjoyment and for someone like me who loves a manual transmission the enjoyment of a manual transmission is so much better than just paddle shifts and just we're keeping it in drive and just driving around i mean sure that's better in terms of like speed and efficiency but part of what's fun about a vehicle is your engagement with it you know you're shifting it's putting that clutch in but only with a six-cylinder engine what is the other engine a four-cylinder must be right clicked on it so you get that info but
oh boy that's good good for them that's smart because they they want to make something that's exciting the new z car i don't know what number they're calling the new z car but the new z car comes with a manual these [ __ ] guys that make these cars look i know you want to make them the fastest zero to 60 but you also want to make it fun to drive and fun to drive for a lot of people like myself is manual manuals are more fun it's like quite a bit more fun when i drive my chevelle and i'm driving that thing it's man i'm shifting i feel like i'm in a [ __ ] movie [Music] that shifting of the gears yourself it's like ah it's so exciting so exciting you know yeah i can live without it it keeps me it keeps me i like both hands on the wheel and hitting the gas and focusing solely on not spinning out that's good too yeah well your car is also supremely balanced yep like when you open up that back trunk you see that engine sitting right there behind the the passenger or behind the driver rather like right in front of the back wheels like wow total game changer our buddy got us good because he knew i was gonna buy that oh yeah well you should oh corvette zr1 could pack 850 horsepower from twin turbo v8 i'll do you one better they have an electric hybrid four-wheel drive corvette coming out yeah it's gonna be electric hybrid four-wheel drive corvette yup they've been practicing in the snow it's a hybrid like the new nsx the new nsx has a combustion engine that's very powerful then on top of that it has electric engines that add instantaneous acceleration to the wheels electric corvette confirmed hybrid a lot arriving in 2023 and this uh they don't know exactly what's going on because they're just seeing like test mules run but one thing they know about these test meals is that they're spinning off the front tires so they're watching them driving snow and [ __ ] and spinning off the front tires unless there's been more information that's leaked but that's clear i don't know why they cover it up with the design like they camouflage it because we already know what the regular one looks
like now like before when we didn't know what it looked like it made sense that they were covering it up let me see what the pictures look like they're fake covered up pictures so it's wider it looks like see the fenders how they're flared out see like with the rear fender and the front fender how it looks like they're more bulbous it's because they go out further sideways which means it's got a wider track so it has wider tires on it i bet it's going to be a [ __ ] monster because that platform that they're building it on that platform is so good they did a drag race with a c8 corvette see if you can find this c8 corvette versus shelby gt500 now shelby gt500 has 700 plus horsepower the corvette is 495. corvette's faster oh i like that and then wild it feels like it it's weight it's because it's a fiberglass car it's weight it's fairly lightweight it's also the distribution of the weight is right over the rear wheels it's in the center right but it's good so it gets it's plenty of traction it's one of the things that makes porsches um move so fast is their weight the engine weight is right over the rear wheels that's a rear engine car the corvette is even more balanced than that corvette's a mid-engine car like um the cayman like the cayman is probably the best balanced uh the porsches but they make it a little bit underpowered because the 911 is their bread and butter that's like the classic iconic vehicle yeah i rented a car in l.a when we were there a few weeks ago for the weekend and i realized that i feel so much safer in my corvette being able to have the ability to accelerate out of a problem is it feels like twice as much as just being able to break you know what i mean you need both yeah but um you you could definitely avoid things your car is nimble yes yeah and that means a lot if you can get away from some [ __ ] that's going down because if you're in a truck like a big heavy wobbly truck and you have to turn fast you're [ __ ] yeah you know you're in one of those cars you might be able to avoid something that somebody might not have i don't know if there's
one you were looking for but i found a few there's one on hennessey's page oh well the hen is the thing about hennessy oh is hennessy doing it because he takes that corvette the regular corvette and wait for it ready makes the [ __ ] a thousand horsepower oh yeah imagine your car but a thousand horsepower look how fast that corvette is going and one of the reasons is because the tires don't hook up that quick on the gt500 because it doesn't have the weight in the back and i used to say well at least the gt500 you get a stick shift but you can't even get into stick shift anymore everything is moving to [ __ ] stupid automatics everything but um the c8 is just a superior car superior looks superior design superior handling it's the best corvette of all time and bonus if you're a golfer it literally fits a golf bag perfectly in the back trunk the front trunk i use for everything there's nothing more fun than popping the hood and pulling out a gym bag and going to work out or whatever but the back specifically the back slot so you you know you see your engine that you just drove 25 minutes to a golf course and you can sort of feel the heat if you drive like a maniac like i like to drive out here on these texas lawless streets right behind you you feel it right behind you and when you crack open that trunk you feel the heat of the engine and it's just enough for literally a golf bag like it is that size do you want to go to a race track with that car hell yeah let's do it i could set that up i know a guy okay sweet yeah i know a guy we can um we could set up some uh some hot laps and do some [ __ ] yeah yeah tommy's done it out here a bunch you know tommy's a freak for cars tommy has a i don't know is he talking about i'm telling him anybody i was gonna say i don't know if he keeps a secret but he bought a a cayman and he had it sent down to this place in florida that converts it into 560 horsepower so it's a manual transmission 560 horsepower came in and it's a [ __ ] demon he brought it to my
house and just the sound it was like oh my god dude this sounds glorious it sounded so good and as you as he was driving off i just like cupped my ears that's what we're going to miss with electric cars yeah that's the part i'm not really that pumped about the thought of an electric corvette because have you driven a tesla before yeah i just don't see i um i don't know listen my car you want to have a race yeah no i know my tesla that i have out there that [ __ ] family vehicle that thing will leave you in the dust i know but it's so quiet and it's silent it's lame it's like a nerd in class it's like driving an iphone you have to charge it it's just it seems too pure it seems like too good of a thing too good of a thing i like smoking cigarettes and burning oil give me a hot cup of coffee throw a shot of espresso in that coffee yeah but if you compare that to like manual transmissions and old muscle cars then you understand me because that's what i like i like i go all the way i like cars that are almost like completely just unpractical or impractical and then a car that's from the future like my tesla i love driving that car the only thing i don't like is i don't have a [ __ ] horn on the steering wheel the steering wheel doesn't have a horn in the center the horn's a button yes apparently for the new ones they move the horn to the center it's the only thing i don't like about it i can get used to the buttons being the directional changers on buttons the stock's the best though why [ __ ] with perfection that stalk for changing like that way goes left that way goes right we've been doing that forever it's so easy to do why would you remove that but in their infinite wisdom to put everything minimalist and you know make everything buttons that's on the steering wheel they removed everything the turning signal is the buttons really yes on the tesla yes see what i'm talking about that's not good not only is it not good you don't know if you're hitting the left or the right until you look down that's what it looks like now
that's what my steering wheel i'll show you outside if you want to drive it though you'll throw your car in the garbage now so much faster it's so much faster in your car it seems like you're time traveling i mean i can't imagine going faster than how fast i already how about twice as fast what are you talking about that car's twice as fast as your car well i mean it can't be twice as fast that's what you're saying till you hit the gas no come on i'm telling you i'm telling you that car goes zero to 60 in 1.9 seconds where where can you do that wherever when no one's looking [Laughter] 60 isn't even violating the speed limit you've got to merge onto an on-ramp when you merge onto an on-ramp on a highway you instantaneously go the speed limit going zero to 60 silently isn't it's like if a tree falls in the forest going to 0 to 60 without the sound of an engine no no it's not it's not it's not at all it's like you hit the gas and you go oh [ __ ] and you go flying dude if you're a passenger i'll have your [ __ ] in your pants yeah no you drove me once we drove from the hollywood improv to the comedy store that's the old one oh the new one's even faster are you serious a lot faster i remember that one i remember specifically the feeling of the back of my head being smushed against the past new one is one almost a full second faster zero to sixty wow it's so fast it's about a half a second fast well what is it the old one i think was 2.5 seconds zero to 60 something like that so it's six tenths six tenths of a second faster zero to sixty think of that that's how fast it is it's insane it's so fast it's effortless like if you want to go around something if some shit's going on just go and you're just there you're there like instantly and nothing it's like you're at that doesn't it go like there's cars in the right lane or something like that
seems like it would beep a lot like a lot of alerts because it knows what's up going on my corvette it's like if you want to wrap it around a tree bro you're gonna have to buy another one is that what it says no it says nothing it says i love your car yeah either way i love it i just love that they still make cars like that i love that uh i mean this is a weird time for cars because it's that transition between the combustion engines and the electric engines like they're saying right now that there's some cars this is the last they're going to offer of a certain car before they go electric so quite a few cars are just going to fade out or become electric like cadillac's cadillac is uh putting out they they have a four-door sedan that you can buy that's fast as [ __ ] that has a manual transmission it's crazy i'm like who are you marketing this for it's weird it's a weird car it's um forget what it's called something wing something wing um but it's uh a preposterous car like it's so strange it's like fast as an m5 it's four doors it has a stick shift and a clutch you're like what what is this it's weird what is it called some new cadillac four-door manual transmission supercar it's a truck no no no no no no no it's a sedan blackhawk that's right i was saying it's wing blackwing what does it look like is it shaped like a sports car like a luxury car like a luxury car wow a luxury car that's fast as [ __ ] and here's it it has four doors and a manual transmission here's something that i've noticed lately because again i find a video not only did i get a rental in la but i also had a uh what is it a borrow car here from the dealership that gave me this porsche brand new 2022 luxury automobile and the luxury of the corvette exceeds the luxury of these luxury cars what did you have what kind of luxury car did you get a porsche um tie can no that's the electric one right look at that thing that's the that's the new cadillac that's a wild looking cadillac
that is cool it's really fast as [ __ ] too um they should bring back some of those old ones so those old boat body those thick guys yeah well the thing about that car your car is the suspension is a magnetic adjustable suspension and so the suspension is attached to a computer and the computer reads the road so if the road is [ __ ] up it smooths out the [ __ ] up parts and if the road is flat it stiffens the suspension so it helps your handling so as long as it when it gets disturbed i mean it does calculations like some insane speed of calculations that recognizes the terrain and the difference of the terrain the magnetic rod suspensions that gm vehicles are using now the cadillac uses it and the corvette uses an even more sophisticated version i think it's insane my corvette is a if you push the button it raises the front five inches which is critical everywhere la was crazy here's really crazy because some of these parking lots it's just they're just not built properly it doesn't remember if you press another button so real really easy right thumb on the wheel thing to remember so it could be a one-time thing or you press that button again so like every time i go to my coffee shop which has a weird lip on the front it raises all the way and it stays raised until i'm out and then once you're whatever 40 60 feet away from your gps remembered spot it lowers itself wow yeah it is the best because it was so annoying that even just the 2019 because it has pl it's not it sounds worse than it is it's great just plastic but that scrape would it just it can't be cool pulling in the car when it's scraping not at all in and what i noticed is always like the passengers saying like oof like that's the part that was more annoying because it's like they think that i just did something in your car right yeah yeah it's uh it's only a matter of time
before all cars are uh autonomous i would say it's probably 20 years i would say within 20 years from now you're not going to see anybody driving their car on the road unless they're nuts that's fluffy driving around one of his [ __ ] vw buses i think most people are going to be driving some sort of an autonomous vehicle you get in it you program your directions and it goes and we're going to realize that they're safer and going to reduce accidents in an incredible way probably going to eliminate them when you get everybody on the system and they're all on those things but you know what freaks me out when uh the ukraine invasion happened when it first happened a lot of people were saying that elon musk should shut off all the teslas that are in ukraine and i was thinking like wait a minute he could do that yeah of course you could do that and i was like oh that's not good it's not gonna have someone to have that the ability to shut off your [ __ ] car when you're on the highway yeah they're just shutting off yeah you know they can do that if you're in a chase in some vehicles in some vehicles like i think it's onstar it may be look up this does onstar have the ability to shut off a car if it's being stolen they have to so if it's not just if it's being stolen that also means if they're in pursuit of you so if you're in that ca corvette and some cops are chasing after you in some [ __ ] [ __ ] box stupid [ __ ] ford explorer they're going to keep up with you good luck you're going to be taking quarters like this you're going to be gone onstar's stolen vehicle assistance can help counteract okay here it is a member has fired a police report and once authorities have confirmed conditions are appropriate an onstar advisor can send a signal to disable the stolen vehicle's engine and gradually slow the vehicle to an idle speed to assist police in recovering the vehicle wow so you have to file a police report but that's like how long does that take so how do they in all those high speed chase videos we've seen i
feel like i've never seen they're like oh and the onstar got them and the car stopped yeah they had different cars but click on that bottom part that said how do you disable onstart let's see what's uh so go back on to it how do thieves disable onstar right there search for bottom i clicked on it right here oh oh sorry sorry uh the only way to completely eliminate onstar is to physically disconnect the module from your vehicle other than the onstar system and its related services automatic crash response and emergency services no other system in the vehicle should stop working when you disconnect the module oh well [ __ ] i just grabbed that thing with a pair of pliers and we're good to go coppers see ya that onstar is the [ __ ] is it oh my god when you have to use it and they do it you're like wow it's great if you lock your keys in your car they'll just open your car for you you make a phone call yep and they open your keys yeah and you're like yeah i'm right here and they're like okay do you hear it you guys unlock it's so cool that's so trusting big brother though yeah so trusting the the man to look over you never thought about that on start things so that's in my car for sure so they already the thing i'm most worried about with the electric cars being able to shut everything down they can already do that to me what well you grab that module with a pair of pliers and yank the [ __ ] right out of the dash you don't need your onstar yeah i'm gonna keep it i like it convenient i think the odds of me locking my keys in my car better than me getting in a police chase yes yeah for sure for sure yeah no it's modern conveniences they're they're pretty special but there's something also to know conveniences you know right there's something to just driving old things old mckay like i think when you get some cash as you become a wealthy comedian you're gonna start collecting some cars i could see you we're gonna have to get you into an old
muscle car what do you think you would look good in i think you'd look good in a 1969 corvette is that what bronson has ron that's a corvette ron has c1 you know mine i have a c2 so i have a 65 and ron has a uh i think he has a late 50s he's a beautiful car yeah whatever that is see if you can find ron white's corvette i'm sure it's 56 is it that's gorgeous whatever that thing is is the dream yeah my friend casey is working on it right now he's putting uh fuel injection in ron's car that's it that's it that's it right there look at that thing that's so nice oh god that's nice his has a trunk you open it up there's a bar in it yup and now you open it up it just has a a bag of dirt with mushrooms growing in it it's a great car though the guy who built it like did a [ __ ] fantastic job was that someone driving it that's kurt bush a nascar driver yeah oh wow champion is he going to give it a beat ride or is it brawn in true form with this cigar [Music] listen to the sound of that that's what you can't [ __ ] with an electric car that that echoey kind of tinny muscle car sound like that sound i love that sound listen to that look at that car ron white god damn it that's a hell of a car one of the coolest humans on planet earth i love him to death he's one of those guys that like he's a good poster boy for getting sober yeah i can't imagine there really being a better one because that's a guy that we only saw with a drink in his hand forever he sells tequila he's got tequila comfort yeah number one tequila shells his shells for it after chills for it yeah yeah he's one of the big reasons why i moved out here we had so much fun me too yeah the way he talked to me about it but he moved out here long before the pandemic he was telling me how great it was and i was like really you love it that much he goes well i'm gonna be in la every now and then i'm gonna come and do the store
but man it's just a better life for me out here because he's a golfer golf and live music yes getting to having the option to go see multiple different types of shows uh a night is unbelievable yeah the bands that we get to see the the energy yeah yeah yeah it's good for the good for the soul it is right and it feels like i don't know man we just we always we had a good thing going on in l.a but it feels like better now it really does it feels like the only thing that's missing is like guys like diaz being around a regular basis right you know but we have enough guys that are on the right around on a regular basis that are really killing it yeah that it's just it feels something like something special it's exciting and you know what else is exciting stand up live this weekend ladies and gentlemen in phoenix arizona tony [ __ ] hinchcliffe william montgomery tickets available go to standuplive.com or whatever the [ __ ] it is tony hinchcliffe on instagram hints cliff on twitter look at that that must be the mick vader right he did yeah it's too good for anybody else yeah he does all my stuff thursday thursday i'm at the copper blues live which i guess is in like northern phoenix or something like that oh never even heard of that yeah it's a new club from those guys nice who are the best that's the one of the best clubs in the country stand up live yes it's an amazing club it's an amazing club it's it's a great great spot too it's like a set up guard it's a big ass place man huge yeah so um i'll probably be there friday hang out with you and uh saturdays ufc going to come for some of the fights i'm going to try yeah every new show and i will see you soon and uh in atlantic city i think there's tickets available for saturday um i think friday's gone but there's some tickets available for saturday for atlantic city we're gonna have some fun with joey diaz tony cliff i love you you're the best so much fun loving having a good time thank you great hell yeah alright bye everybody [Music] [Applause] you