chuckle how do you give feedback to someone without everyone taking it personal I try to give criticism regarding their work or actions while not attacking their character but unfortunately many feel that it’s personal yeah welcome to the world people don’t like chrism criticism and I almost put eight no one in the world like scripts okay so there might be point zero zero zero zero one percent of the world that’s really like open and ready for feedback right but most people even when they say even when they tell you they want feedback they don’t want it they don’t want it like let me let me give an example if you echo Charles yes we’re like you made a video and it took you an hour don’t even write you know like you could come to me and say hey what do you think you know and I was like well you know I think you framed this up wrong how what’s your reaction to that I mean there’s no possible way that you’re stoked on that they’re just now luckily you know we know each other you can detach me be like all right I need you he doesn’t he’s not pointing this out to me for no reason whatever but what I’m saying is even when you’re saying hey what do you think of this and I criticize something that you work so hard on there’s no one in the world that’s happy about that even when they asked for it mmm-hmm so you have to flank people that’s what you have to do now he’s asking specifically how do you do this so here’s some things what one of the things that I do when I want to give someone Chris’s my don’t give him criticism what I do is I ask them questions about whatever it is now he this is interesting I’m not even talking about pointed questions I’m not even talking about like hard questions I’m talking I’m not saying like why did you do that you know I’m talking about hey why did you do it that way like there’s a big difference between like hey why did you do it that way yeah like instead of saying hey echo that frame it doesn’t look good hey why’d you frame that up like that mmm right so now I’m getting you to think about it right but I’m not gonna say do how are you to make that work mmm you know I’m gonna say well hey do you think you’re gonna be able to make that work if if you did something and it doesn’t go well I’m not gonna say you know did you actually think that was a good idea instead I’m gonna say it’s again it’s not pointing question let me say well hey did that unfold the way you thought it was gonna unfold and you know you’re gonna get to answer the question now you’re gonna be the you’re gonna be the person that uncovers the fault it’s gonna be you not me and that makes it so much more palatable to everyone when they’re able to say oh yeah you know I saw this over here and most the time the person knows the truth most of the time the person knows that that thing’s not framed up right they know that their idea was not great so you don’t need to punch him in the face with it cuz that’s actually gonna make him get defensive so you flank him you ask him the questions you talk about it you discuss the subject and what you do is you guide them you guide them to a mirror you guide them to a mirror and then and then you look at that bear mm-hmm you set them up so they have to look in that mirror so that they can see the problems themselves and once they see the problems themselves they can start to correct them now sometimes you sometimes it’s your ego that wants even once they see the problem themselves do people want them to take credit for showing that misleads you you got to check your ego you got to make sure that your ego isn’t saying I want to prove to this person that I know how to frame this up better then you got to put that all in check and you gotta just let you’re gonna let them have it so now are there situations where you can give really good frank feedback yes there is but you have to have a good relationship for that person a really good really good relation if that person and then usually one of the best ways to to make this happen is that the feedback the negative feedback is going both ways meaning I want to get negative feedback about my performance from that person so that there’s some equanimity in what’s being said amongst us right so I might be little you know I might say hey echo hey man I I you know I did this uh I answer this question on Q&A did you think that was a good answer because I think you know I think could have been better and you say yeah you know you dragged on you talk too long and whatever you give me some critique and then I go oh yeah hey and by the way the lighting on that didn’t look good right and so now we have a little mutual criticism and it’s all good it makes a little bit more palatable to you because I made the thing and so that sometimes works but what’s interesting is even when you do that some people just don’t even freaking care and and they even after they just tear you apart and then you throw a little little like a little nick on their shoulder on their an arm you give them a little nick about something that wasn’t right they still get so you have to be really you have to have a really great relationship with that person to be able to have just that straight straight feedback but build relationships ask them questions let them find their own fault if you can and be their guide let them guide them to that mirror got into their faults now of course there are some people that won’t even find their own faults no matter how you guide them and how hard you try and twist them to look in the mirror you have to let them know you actually have to come out and say what’s going on you have to be more direct now luckily if a person is the type of person that fails to see their own faults they begin to fail right because they’re making mistakes that’s why their faults right they’re making mistakes and when they see that when you see that and you see that their project is failing or you see that their people are revolting against them or you see that they’re missing deadline after deadline they know that too and then what you’re doing is you’re coming to them basically as like a concerned friend that really wants to help them win and and pointing out some of these obvious failures that they might not be you know aware of and you still got to be gentle about this hmm but when you come to them you can come to them as a friend as a as a person that really wants them to win you can come out out of there looking like the good guy trying to help them get there their self back on track so those are some of the some of the basic strategies and I used to help people do a little course correction if people need a little criticism so that they can improve their game for themselves for the team etc people are people aren’t people aren’t people own like criticism yeah her to tell you yeah they like praise you know how and you know the other side of this coin if you’re a person which you are and you don’t like christen what you don’t if you can open your mind to the criticism man you’re gonna be so you’re gonna get so much better about everything that you do if you can just listen to people about getting ego crazy and thinking about this yep this list you just listen nod your head listen to what they have to say they’re trying to help you yeah right we assume that they’re trying to help us yeah listen to I don’t know oh yeah are there times they’re not absolutely yeah you’re going with the assumption that this person’s just trying to cut me down well that’s not gonna get you anywhere yeah but if you if you make this something you know what I’m gonna listen to what this person has to say what’s wrong with that yeah even if it’s an assumption and we’re not supposed to assume if I assumed he’d give me one I’m gonna assume that echos giving me criticism right now cuz he wants me to do better and I’m gonna take them as as face value as I can yeah that he is trying to help me get better you know yeah and yeah that’s actually really correct if you start at that point that’s your default right hey this criticism is to help now I might look at your criticism and I analyze it from a detached perspective and I go I think actually echo is just trying to drag me in the wrong place and I might get to that point yeah and it’ll be more way more obvious it’ll be way more via if you started at that other place okay but if you’re just default all he just wants to try to look like he knows everything he just wants to you know make if you start higher place to this yeah you can’t even kind of discern you know if that really is happening or not not the place to be another place did me
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