it seems like too uh there’s a opportunity for someone that’s in your position where you have this kind of like insecurity and kind of a little bit of a paranoia against the world to go down the path of like drug and alcohol abuse and we all know where that path ends up if we stay on it so how did that enter your life i mean what about there had to be drugs and alcohol down there what was what was that like what was that influence how how did you manage that part of the world yeah you know that’s interesting you know i have family members in my own close family that have suffered with addiction and stuff like that and i really love and i also love thinking about this kind of stuff like this kind of stuff for me talking about feelings and stuff some people say well you know feelings is the past and actions is what matters and that’s true i believe that like i can think all day and it’s probably not going to help me act any different and i know in my own life if i do act a certain way my thoughts will follow me my thoughts really are your troops really you know uh um they say in a lot of recovery rooms that you can’t think your way in the right action but you can act your way into right thinking it’s a common term and it’s easy for uh people that struggle with um addiction or addictive personalities to understand that it’s real simple um so sorry what was the question i felt a little bit nervous just just as far as what you know how old were you when alcohol got introduced how old oh yeah oh dude i remember i found some liquor on some uh alize liquor some peach mango starburst baby breath watermelon something dude on the top shelf dude it was nine different colors bro and i found some nudie mags up there too same time titty literature so next thing you know dude i’m ejaculating and just just i remember falling off the shelf i thought i’m like i never made it off top shelter there about four hours here i’ve never been on a top shelf you know i don’t come from a real balancing family so i’m up there dude i’m drinking i’m [ __ ] masturbating you know and i remember just blacking out and falling off that shelf and i probably fell ma’am i bet six and a half feet almost eight feet so not far how old are you at this time oh i was probably about 13 you know and so then but i had other family members who were struggling with drugs and alcohol so i had this really i didn’t see that uh i didn’t see that as like a a way for me to get in a thing like i didn’t see that as an escape really from me so i never used that as an escape um but as i got a little bit older in my life i i started realizing that i was uncomfortable uh and i was some of the survival techniques i’d used as a child weren’t helping me anymore um [Music] you mean even the comedy piece even making people laugh did that start to wear out well or what survival was the only connection that i knew so i had a tough time making real connections with people especially women if i wanted to be in a relationship or or even i think sometimes friends or knowing that a connection was safe like sometimes i’ll overdo a connection somebody will say yeah everything’s fine man we’ll be there and i’ll still be hyper worried about it you know when it’s fine it’s somebody else that’s totally normal but um because somebody some connections with people are always feel real new and scary to me i think i was just scared to make them um so anyway i started realizing i was having trouble making real connections with people people would say man i feel like i don’t know you but i feel like i would be sharing a lot of stuff and so then i i got in to i started going to some recovery meetings 12 step and i couldn’t relate to the drugs and alcohol but i could relate when people talk about how they felt you know just just the feelings and so i started learning about oh other people feel some of these ways and it’s okay to have feelings or to struggle with them and whatever and so that’s when i really started to like being a part of recovery and there’s all types of it you know i mean there’s stuff stuff for everything there’s recovery for people that wear shirts that don’t fit or that fit too tightly yeah and i’ll struggle with that yeah that’s all right it’s really it drags me down hanging around with echo because i think [Music] the sad part is there is a small boy out there somewhere right now you don’t have a [ __ ]
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