Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHL9XtH3LuE
oh you dirty freaks it is um Monday April 22nd two days after 4:20 um and I'm here with my man Tony hinchcliff who has never been an individual guest on the podcast before but we've done podcasts before under the uh Ice House Chronicles which by the way is uh available on the desk sad label on iTunes as well as the hilarious Kevin pereiras um podcast called pointless uh muff said if you want to hear chicks talk about sucking dicks and stuff no that's video games and comic books that's not Su oh well how about we just give him a little false advertising Brian maybe okay maybe you get more people don't you know what this country runs on son no uh muff said with um what's her face Ryan key Ryan key very very funny and talented Ryan key and um Brian also does a gang of shows and he's doing some soon in San Francisco and Sacramento uh at the uh punch line in Sacramento and uh with this man Tony henchcliffe he'll be there as well and uh where did we do Indianapolis together yeah that was [ __ ] badass that's awesome Tony Tony hff's funny as [ __ ] how is Tony on the road never it's great he cries when you [ __ ] him but uh but two two two legendary comedy clubs Sam tripley as well our boy Sam tripley who's uh one of my very good friends in comedy for many many years years he's a [ __ ] beautiful human being I love that guy and very funny as well and so they are at cobs on Sunday May 5th and May 3rd and 4th they're at the punch line in Sacramento and if you never been to the punch line in Sacramento if you never been to a comedy club the punch line in Sacramento is like one of the perfect comedy clubs to go to cuz it's been around forever this is one of those places like I don't remember the first time I worked there but it was well over a decade ago it's a badass old school comedy club and great great great comedy has been done on that stage perfectly set up really intimate seating so it's a badass place to see three very funny guys so May 3rd and fourth at the punchline in Sacramento and May 5th at Cobbs in uh in San Francisco and there might be a surprise guest there might not be though too might not maybe maybe AIDS get stronger maybe uh World War Z is for Real yeah but maybe there's going to be a big guest maybe there's a lot a lot of times
you can't say because the reason being like say if we're doing a show like this like we might have a friend that's in town that says Hey I want to do the show but they don't want to advertise because they have a committed gig within x amount of Miles within x amount of months and sometimes you're not supposed to say that you're doing a gig like that's why like if you go to like some some guys used to always have a hard time uh with The Comedy Store for putting their name up there because they would have like a gig that they were doing at a big place they were're trying to sell tickets for so we'd have an arrangement so that's why I can't say but uh it might be someone very funny mhm it might be somebody that hardly ever leaves LA and hardly ever leaves The Comedy Store hm wow this is exciting I want to know who it is okay I don't even know who the [ __ ] it is yeah you do I think I do if if it is who I think it is he's awesome yeah at the comedy stores I mean it's 80% awesome you know even the 20% mediocre it's probably better than what you got in your town anyway yeah so true powerful Ryan key mu said all right you guys um we uh this podcast is brought to you by Ting um I'm so glad that when when we when we pick up a podcast sponsor you always like oh what if these guys are douchebags you know like what if that's like a big fear you know when you you take on a a sponsor because you know I'm not a network I don't have a channel I'm just you know I'm just doing this thing and I'm trying to like navigate all this stuff by myself so my attitude with the whole thing was I I looked at and I said the most important thing first of all is uh that I don't feel douchy like whatever we're selling and everybody's like then it's too late you should [ __ ] alha brain douchy um you know I just want to make sure that what we're selling as a good product so I get all these emails and tweets tweets especially sometimes um about Ting about people saying how much money they're saving on Ting and um guy one guy I've talked about it a couple weeks ago he wrote that he he chopped his bill down from 90 bucks to like 18 I don't know how the [ __ ] he did I don't know what he's doing that sound sounded
completely outrageous well my bill's been at uh about $25 a month I mean and I have to say that this is my second phone this is you know my massage parlor phone would you say that you use it 50% as much as your your other phone or I'd probably say my other phone I use it 50% more maybe maybe a little b a little bit higher maybe 60 maybe 60 so it would probably be the equivalent of $60 something like that would you say that yeah does that make sense yeah that's still it's still cheaper than than what like right now I have you know the iPhone through AT&T as my main phone and that's about $120 $110 a month you know so [ __ ] very pricey yeah um what what Ting does is they first of all they use the Sprint network they don't have their own network they use one of the the major networks in this country one that uh you know it's uh it's got 4G it's it's excellent and they also have the highest level you know the most technologically Advanced Android phones all these new [ __ ] killer Android phones like the Samsung Galaxy S3 and the the Samsung Galaxy Note they have the Note 2 as well they're [ __ ] incredible these things it used to be like you really lost something if you didn't get an iPhone like you really have you tried to get one of those early Androids they were dog [ __ ] I had the first one was a Droid they're so stupid those things are horrible that and those BlackBerry touch screens they used to have I used to have one of those the Blackberry Storm yeah [ __ ] storm of [ __ ] that was that was a that was diarrhea on your head that stupid [ __ ] bag phone but uh these Sams I have the Galaxy S3 it's [ __ ] awesome it's great it's the coolest thing ever for like looking at websites it's huge and it's very fast as well like the processor in it it's not like clunky like like the droids of old um so anyway um the way Ting has it set up is uh they they have no contracts so you buy a device set it up you go saying you can go [ __ ] yourself you can just cancel not only that they credit you on unused service if you if you use only a certain amount of your bill they they actually like knock you down to the next level on your next bill and they credit you the difference it's it's beautiful it's everything you could ask for from a big company like a company that's do I mean
they're not one of the bigger cell phone companies I mean how many cell phone companies are there actually really sto thinking about well there's like the the big five or whatever you like T-Mobile Verizon AT&T it's like generally thought of it's like this it's like Verizon Powerful AT&T powerful T-Mobile you're on a budget yeah yeah now nowadays though it's crazy because T-Mobile's you know their new towers are pretty Advanced and they don't have the [ __ ] you know bandwidth Hogs that you know AT&T and Verizon they're they're bandwidth I me so many people are on their Network when something goes down half the people have Verizon or AT&T you know they're not going to have cell phone service but then you have like T-Mobile guys they're like oh I'm fine that's a very good point that's a very good point yeah and Sprint is a a big one Joey Diaz has had Sprint forever he loves it I've never had it other than this but I I got no problems with it and um the the the whole idea behind Tang is that they're just going to offer you a service that's you know it's just it's reasonable you you don't have to get [ __ ] over it doesn't have to be this idea that we all think that every company should try to squeeze every last dollar out of every last customer I think that shit's stupid and I think most people are re realizing that as well uh so go to rogan.com and you can save yourself $25 off of either a phone or service from a very cool company we're also brought to you by Squarespace so you have to ask yourself do you want to make a website [ __ ] that's my question to you [ __ ] do you want to make a website and if you do let's get real you ain't going to learn no HTML okay okay you're not going to you it's just not going to happen Okay let's be honest about another thing you don't need to what are you going to do you're going to really learn how to put all that [ __ ] in and it's going to be all [ __ ] up and then you're going to try to look at it on like Windows Internet Explorer and it's going to look like [ __ ] but look it works on Safari you don't have to do that anymore with Squarespace you can go there and you can create your own website it's so easy that you can set up a store just like that Brian did it while we were
doing the commercial Brian registered a [ __ ] thing on Squarespace started what was it called was a no that was a different we that was hover you did it for Squarespace too no well I made a a web but you're thinking of I I bought dick Party in My Oh you bought dick party in my mouth well and then didn't you but didn't you build a a website with Squarespace uh yeah did a dolphin uh sex dolphin website I'm trying to do one right now it's Brian look Brian is much more technically advanced than uh or aware than I'll ever be he can throw one of these [ __ ] things together very quickly and he did it through Squarespace you know while we're just all still doing a show as well it's super easy if you go to squarespace.com job you can sign up with no credit card needed and just try it out you can just start building a website and if you decide to purchase use the offer code joe4 and it's Joe and Four for April that's all one word or one thing Joe four and then you get 10% off your first purchase on new accounts includes monthly and annual plans again that's squarespace.com slj and if you're going to enter in the code use the code joe4 save yourself some shekles son on your fat juicy website it's um it definitely I can can create a website on this in a way that I never could in real life cuz I am just way too add for that [ __ ] I am not going to learn how to do that I had to I I I have I have one where I'm trying to keep up with but this looks this looks even better it's dope it's pretty easy super easy yeah yeah it's good go get it suck it delicious we're also brought to you by uh audible.com um I was actually listening to uh dude you know why I got hooked on man I'm hooked on no how dare you I real I read super awesome Dan Carlin's Hardcore History oh yeah dude God damn ever since we had that guy on the show we had him on the podcast guy was great to talk to fascinating guy really uh really interesting intelligent guy but when it comes to history he's been putting together like forever he's been putting together these history podcasts and they're like a show it's not like a podcast like this sloppy unorganized mess that I try to [ __ ]
serve up to you [ __ ] Dan Carlin puts on a goddamn show and he he puts it on in like this really entertaining way and gives you this thorough history of all these events but like really exciting stuff what are you doing you chatting with Cara hi Cara I'm single are you hey dude how dare you how dare you even give people the idea to do that no Kira is going to be super upset with you and probably Sue this show [ __ ] what if K's like some super hardcore feminist and she's like enough Joe Rogan enough what if she's in India fingering yourself oh easy over here with the fingers um I'm on the Hardcore History I'm on the um the Mongols now he's got this uh I I don't know how many parts it is I'm on part three um and it's [ __ ] amazing it's so great and it's available on audible.com he's got all the uh back episodes I mean he's been doing it since I think he said 2005 so you know this guy's got a solid eight years of podcast under him it's it's crazy and they're awesome I listened to one on on Germany and World War II the bombings of Europe he's so [ __ ] cool to listen to It's really badass if you go to audible audible.com Joo you can try audible free for 30 days and get a free audio book um not just that they also have stand-up comedy on there they have a huge selection of audio entertainment not just books but uh podcasts like hardcore history and and and so many other like really interesting things to listen to including our Pals Opie and Anthony you can uh you can get that on Audible as well it's a cool service and uh I've uh been a fan for years and I'm huge fan of audio books this Hardcore History has been making my life like so much more interesting the last couple days like when I get in my car I'm not like thinking oh you know I'm going to get my car and drive I'm probably getting stuck in traffic I'm going to go oh let's hear more about the Mongols that's what I'm thinking it's just genas Khan was a [ __ ] y dude genas Khan killed almost 70 million people by some accounts some accounts say more than that some accounts say but as little as 10 million like he definitely killed 10 million God damn it's unbelievable that's that's the best they're talking about armies that were coming towards China where the Mongols had been and in
the distance they thought they saw snow covered mountains but when they got close they realized they were mountains of Bones oh my God the Mongols had killed 10 million people in this one town they came to this gigantic State and just killed 10 million people it was amazing I mean horrific terrifying just the idea that that at one point in time just in the 1200s relatively short amount of time ago there was a guy who brought a bunch of other dudes with him on Horseback and just [ __ ] up the whole world banded together took hostages to took the hostages pushed them to the front lines so the hostages would literally lead the way and people would be defending their to towns having to shoot arrows at their own friends who had been kidnapped their own loved ones their own children the Mongols were [ __ ] terrifying it's terrifying to think that just a thousand years ago not even there was a dude who figured out a way to get hundreds of thousands of mass murderers to work together hundreds of thousands of serial killers hundreds of thousands of brutal rapists hundreds of thousand thousands of Ruthless remorseless murderers and they got together on Horseback it takes one convincing leader God damn gask Khan must have been a [ __ ] because there was nobody like that before and nobody like that since his sons tried to hang on to it for a little while but you know the the what the the Reign of Power all really came through that one bad [ __ ] they had a crazy saying that an armies of donkey led by a lion could conquer an army of lions led by a donkey they were all about tactics and they would beat much larger armies with super Superior strategy and cunning and just ruthlessness just everybody was terrified of them they just they killed everybody man men women children babies they didn't give a [ __ ] they killed everybody they ate people they ate each other if they got too hungry they would draw straws maybe or figure F out how they would figure out you know if someone was going to sacrifice themselves so the the the Army could go on and they would slaughter them and eat them and cook them dude it's unbelievable that was only a thousand years ago what the [ __ ] man you think
it'll ever anybody will ever pull that off again that kind of craziness that's terrifying to wonder I I think if you you had a worry about anything it would be worry about all this beautiful city [ __ ] shutting down that's the real fear the real fear is we have some massive disaster like a solar flare that knocks out our power grid and our ability to pump gas is gone our ability to drive back and forth to places is gone our ability to get food to people's gone and then you realize how nutty we are spread out and how dangerous this is and how vulnerable we are living like this I think it would take something like that to bring people to some place where you could get that many Psychopaths all together again yeah I think now that we have the internet if the internet went down I think [ __ ] would get crazy really quick because everybody needs it and is used to it now everything down to you know the GPS and just everything yeah we're terrified I'm terrified of leing leaving the house without my [ __ ] cell phone right I'm a little [ __ ] I'm a little [ __ ] the machine speaking of machine we're talking about the human machine our last sponsor on it.com um we we sell all kinds of cool [ __ ] to get your Fitness on we got kettle bells battle ropes the newest edition weight vests no that's not armor Brian it's a weight vest it's not armor even though it probably protect you a little bit there we go uh we also have steel maces and steel clubs these are not weapons these are designed for functional athletic Improvement what all these things that we're selling like kettle bells and battle ropes they're all for what's to devel um what's best to develop what they call functional strength uh we have medicine balls as well fun strength we sell a pull-up bar functional strength like the ability to move your body around as one unit is one of the most important aspects of fitness and one of the things that people screw up on is if they uh try to get in shape and they don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing and they do like too many bicep curls or too many like bench presses and [ __ ] you know you can whack your body out making it imbalanced it's um one of the best ways to get fit like a full body fit is to do things that require you to use the body as one unit I'm obsessed with that
obviously that's why I talk about it every week but uh i' I've seen massive improvements for my Jiu-Jitsu uh athletic benefits of um of training like this and I always encourage people to do it because it's really fun too and you can get a great workout and literally in 20 minutes you could do a brutal kettle bell workout in 20 minutes follow a DVD the Keith Weber uh DVD that we have the extreme kettle bell DVD it's [ __ ] awesome and follow 20 minutes of it you'll get crushed and you'll you'll feel good you'll feel fantastic uh so go there go to on it.com that's o nnit um lots of different supplements we have now vitamin C and line and we sell melatonin and spirulina uh Artic Cod Liver Oil we're trying to sell you just the the best [ __ ] for your health and for fitness and and things along those lines and if you use the codame Rogan you will save 10% off any and all supplements how long how long tell you have like a health helmet like helmet um if it comes out dude we'll sell it if there's a health helmet that comes out that puts you in a healthy State of Mind what if there was a helmet that came on that immediately felt like someone was sucking your dick how how quick before they would make that illegal oh like immediately like they found a spot on your brain where they can jolt with electricity and it totally feels like someone sucking your dick a helmet that helps your helmet a helmet for your helmet exactly helmet too do you think they would make that women would make that illegal or would it be men that made IL [ __ ] about it a lot men would make it illegal cuz they' never get real [ __ ] ever again girls be like but just put the [ __ ] helmet on God why do you want me to do this it'd be a tough situation for women if the helmet worked that well it came out you think they would lose a little bit of their value is that what you're saying oh yeah I think I think guys would be walking around with these helmets on all the time just a normal thing how much time do you think it is before something like that is invented something that can recreate an artificial experience like almost almost exactly I'll bet you 15 20 years I bet it's not that far away right the way things are moving and shaking there's probably an bigger team of
scientists on that right now than there is on cancer research I bet you're right everybody's building the helmet everybody wants to get their dick sucked folks a nothing wrong with that on it.com Joo Q the music Brian let's get this [ __ ] started boom son Jo podcast check it out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day powerful Tony [Music] hinchcliff that's me that's the song that's the powerful Tony hinchcliff song I sing it like that I sing like a woman and then you go that's me like a little kid that's me hey everybody somebody need to put that on a loop when you have your own podcast when are you guys going to do a podcast together once you guys we already uh are in the works it starts in about two weeks I think we said it's in pre-production yep niceness niceness uh and Tony's going to be with me uh this Wednesday night at the Ice House you want do the ice house Wednesday night sure 10 o00 okay Brian's going to be there too as well as Tom seura and Bert ker oh [ __ ] [ __ ] that's right you heard sweet that's right um Tony is an upand cominging young standup I love um one of my favorite things in life for real this really is absolutely true is when I don't know about someone and then I find out that they're funny like when I I found out about you from Brian Brian told me about you and as a comedian like one of the things that every comedian always loves is seeing a new comedian like some someone who knew who's funny like there's another one like ooh there's another one you know and different styles and different you know different takes but when they're funny like it's really it gives you a lot of Hope and I was I was in LA the entire time like you started comedy and you know and then started getting a little a name for yourself and then eventually got to the point where you're you know regularly doing you know podcasts and comedy clubs and so that's that's a really cool thing to say yeah it's really so much fun pretty incredible so few people pull it off you know I I I love watching somebody who comes through like some new person who's funny it's you know like too it's the coest thing and like you said everybody's a little bit different and everybody has their
you know their take on things but when you find one there's nothing cooler it's sort of like when you love comedy it's like watching a baby being born like just like that wow yeah this person's hilarious and and when you know like you uh when you run into someone and you you you realize that you know they started out sucky and you probably saw them in like those during those first couple of months like and then within a couple of years they become competent and then boom they become really good and they like like Ari is my favorite example I I was there when Ari first got on stage like one of his first sets one of his earliest sets and you know we' watched him become like a real killer like Ari shafir is like a real killer he did uh Tom sigur's party the other day Tom seura had a um a benefit rather for his doggy he's got a sick doggy if you uh if you love dogs you love Tom seura I don't know how you would donate I think they have like a PayPal thing or something don't yeah just go to yourmomshousepodcast.com yourmomshousepodcast.com Tom seur is just one of the coolest guys ever and uh he he had the show and uh Ari went up and [ __ ] destroyed destroyed with a bunch of [ __ ] that I hadn't heard before too there's a couple bits that were really funny that were new he writes like a machine now yeah awesome he's he's just coming up with so much content yeah and I think he also realizes at this time that he's like you know he's like in he's like a real comic now now it's just a matter of doing the work and he's a smart dude you know he knows how to he knows how to put it down he knows what needs to be done and he can go get it done it's just as a as a fan of Comedy so so cool when someone pops up there's another one I got really lucky with Ari because um he was the first person uh asked me to like do a gig with them him and Sam tripy so it was those two guys all of a sudden all at once I went to La Hoya with Sam first and then did a gig and like Irvine with Ari what year was this this is about uh 2008 wow that's so recently dude that's awesome yeah five years you don't think of it as being recently but you know there was like a year or so that I was doing it before you even get a road gig like that you're just building it I was
you know just riding my bicycle from open mic to open mic how many guys that started out with you you know we all have like kind of like uh groups of people that we sort of start off around the similar time and then you watch each other either fall off or give up or or some people get through the net how many people that with your class do you think got through um with my true class I'd probably say about a good H it's a tough one because we're still pooling you know what I mean you still don't know who can make like a bit throw a right hook right at the end before they drop out and have a new 15 minutes the crushes and it's a breakthrough but I'd probably guess about seven or 10 right around there that's a good number still like still doing it I mean you know I'm counting my original starting class is like a good you know 60 70 80 90 right people because I know the I mean I'm I'm I stayed in Hollywood and built in Hollywood like Los Angeles whereas I feel like a lot of people start somewhere and then come to La I'm like you know what I'm going to I wanted to just have a like an NBA Style perspective like Chappelle once said he was doing a a spot on stage one night in the O really late crushing making it look like I mean it was just unbelievable three or four hours in he he goes to the back of the room he goes hey how many of you guys are La comics and a lot of people clap and he goes but how many of you are like work here at The Comedy Store and started here at The Comedy Store there was just two or three of us that clapped and he goes you guys are insane he was performing to a lot of comedians right the thing with him coming back a few years ago was like the the you know the audience that got to be there was there but the back of the room filled up to the gills right and uh he said that it's like learning how to dribble in the NBA starting comedy at The Comedy Store and it's so true but but if you think about that start learning how to dribble in the NBA and you're you and you're just used to the motion of a th000 miles an hour yeah then it works out I think it's like anything else you know it's it's a more difficult but also more rewarding purs Pursuit you know you can take an easy route through life or you can you know I mean it's not as hard as being a Navy
SEAL let's be honest you know even though doing comedy is hard and a lot of people don't ever figure it out it's not nearly as hard as doing something you hate and being stuck working 40 hours a week at this job for the rest of your life until your heart stops beating cuz you have no passion right and I mean it was a real struggle for a few years I really threw myself to the Wolves I didn't have I didn't have money saved up I was just I was just doing it and then I got the job working at The Comedy Store a couple months and like as a door guy so I started getting spots a lot there which is what I wanted you know what the problem with the story like yours is huh that it worked so there's a lot of other dudes out there that are willing to try that same thing but they're not [ __ ] funny at all you know what's tough is I is I noticed that a lot a lot of people come up to me and say I'm thinking about starting standup Tony uh you know what do you uh what do you think and sometimes they don't they just sometimes I wonder out of all the times I get asked this from somebody that wants to start standup it's like you have to really have a crazy mind ingrained in you it's not something you start and learn like I was in trouble every class in school not once a day at school like every class every teacher hated me I never touched I was never like spill milk on somebody I never did anything physical but verbally I was just it's the it's what I did it was pretty crazy and I mean you know like so you just always talk to lot [ __ ] totally to the extreme all the time and with that's that's like kid energy you know what I'm talking about it's not even now like now I'm like all even though I'm still young it's like I'm not half of the quick wit that I used to be before I realized now was it defense thing was it a defense thing you learned it from your parents like I learned it from you Dad it's really an interesting situation because the way I ra I was raised was so weird that I know it has something to do with that because I have these four older brothers and sisters that are much older than me so it's like I I mean it's 12 years between me and my closest sibling and they're all much older oh wow yeah so you're probably exposed to like they probably gave you a
hard time they probably [ __ ] with you really super cool they were actually super cool that's how I that's sometimes I wonder how it didn't end up like that I me there were times you know there was the old you know you were adopted why do you think you're oh well you know what when they're 12 years apart I don't think you're actually going to get that because they're going to be sweet to you they're going to be like happy for their little brother and sister it's when you're two years apart you know yeah i' I've known a lot of brothers that beat the [ __ ] out of each other yeah I've seen it happen luckily with the age Gap like they were in when I was you know in kindergarten and stuff what was interesting about that is I definitely think I played a role because I was hanging out with 20y olds when I was a little kid and they probably thought it was really funny when you talked [ __ ] too totally that was the whole thing that's what I would do I would talk [ __ ] and I would put on terrible magic shows in which the whole ongoing joke was that you can clearly see you know I hadn't seen comedian magicians yet I was just trying to do magic but I was bad at it but I could just play on purpose that and well it started I had to get good at doing it on purpose because it was happening accidentally and I would just try to follow through with it so you started off trying to be good yeah right but then I just got good at being bad at Magic yeah it's a funny thing when you you see someone who grew up like in a weird spot like that's I think all of us like every comic I know grew up in some sort of a weird situation where some basic need wasn't fulfilled so it creates like this weird personality totally I I even though I love comics when that when it doesn't create that weird personality it just creates [ __ ] up people you know like if you don't put it to use like creating something that weird energy that comes out of a weird life if you that [ __ ] will haunt you like that can that can wreck your life if you're one of those really uh creative people or more impulsive people and doesn't do anything about it don't doesn't focus it on something yeah and it just that's an interesting point because with me I didn't have any creative Outlet until um like after high
school because the theater woman always wanted me to join theater yeah but I never did and I I mean the only Outlet other than doing it in front of people all the time and just you know being me I had nothing so then I spent a few years like what am I cuz you don't know that if you're just a a kid that loves making people laugh that you can be a standup comedian when you're in Ohio there's no you know people in LA are really lucky or in New York or around those areas because there's comedy there at least you can stumble across a comedy club and go hey I wonder what's going on there I might go in there tonight just one time first time I was ever at a comedy club was at the comedy store and I had signed up for the open mic and gotten on so it was very grandiose I mean you know it was like my heart was beating out of my chest I knew that it was something something I was going to be doing forever no matter what happens you knew it you knew that was something wow I I definitely didn't know it the first time I went on stage I was I was scared shitless too though way more scared than I thought I was going to be oh I never it was unbelievable it I it was so creepy because what ended up happening was is I blanked out and forgot everything that I'd been and that was the one time that I was I had a couple months to prepare for three minutes did you bring uh notes on stage with you no I've never liked I've never liked having notes on stage with me unless that was a big thing man getting R of your notes that was a big thing back in the day you going on stage with notes still yeah cuz in the beginning I I definitely went on stage with notes when I first started doing it but I saw like really good guys go on stage with notes when they were working on new [ __ ] yeah it became like part of the ACT they would try they would let you know they were trying stuff out by looking down at the paper and stuff but you tried to do the first one free ball yeah it went really bad and I and I uh I I somehow was just digging myself out by calling out how terrible it was I just I was basically saying wow I just blanked out and I've been getting ready for this for so long and so I I just ended up doing what actually ended up sort of becoming my style which is like calling out whatever's happening in the room
except I was just joking about me bombing you kind of have to call out what's happening in the room right and that's uh that's one good another good thing rather that uh The Comedy Store provides no crowd control right none that place is madness night could be Madness that's why like it was so much anything can happen at the comedy store so like for example like when we did that show in Indianapolis and I came out and I'm looking at the masses of people but the first thing that I noticed to my left is this lady lit up next to the stage that's doing sign language to the to the audience and I just couldn't help but to start like I all I you know it started just with I've never performed in front of one of these people before I've always wondered what that would be like and then I'm noticing that she has to keep up with everything that I'm saying so like I went off on this whole run about it that it it was just so much fun for me and and I could trust my instinct and just keep going with it because I even though like I wouldn't have known to do that if I was just trying to just put on like an act right you know I mean yeah which is also great but I got to go off on a run there and I could trust that instinct you know by the end I have her doing [ __ ] motions to her face cuz I realized that if I said the word [ __ ] she has to do that like a jerk off on her face jerk off on the face is the that's the sign language for that yeah this is [ __ ] or at least that's what she was doing actually it was a he because they switched halfway through it was a whole thing but they switched the chick was like enough Tony hen I think so you think so she quit I I don't I don't know what happened how do they have backup so close maybe they get tired yeah I guess so signings maybe you need like really good hand cardio but it ended up being crazy I had you know crazy ton of tweets Indianapolis was so much fun and everybody was like hashtagging sign language because I couldn't even believe what was going on yeah I did that once in um San Francisco a guy brought his own remember that yeah and they sat right in the front row yeah a guy brought his own sign person I was like wow that's a pretty gangster guy was deaf he wanted to go see some comedy he's like hey tell me what they're
saying yeah crazy he was a really nice guy was that was a fun show he he did I forget what he did because it was a it was obviously a timing thing cuz he didn't talk but it was really funny it was really funny like you could tell the guy like really enjoyed standup comedy and even though he was deaf he still understood like what you know he understood jokes it's got to be weird cuz he's only getting it like two dimensionally if you don't if you don't hear it man you're missing so much like there's a of guys like Joey di is perfect example half of what's funny is how he sounds like you know the way he sounds is the [ __ ] intensity in his voice oh God you know it's like when he when he hits those things when he starts screaming about something like he was screaming about it's blue cheese with buffalo wings or go [ __ ] your mother it was just [ __ ] ranch dressing he went on this rant about ranch dressing and on paper it's like there's nothing funny about that at all but if you hear him if you hear Joey and you see him do it it was one of the funniest [ __ ] things I've ever seen in life the passion that comes from deep but I mean maybe this guy had like a deep sense of his own timing you know he can interpret it in the the funniest way because he was obviously a fan of standup comedy enough to hire his own sign language person yeah I've been at a college show Once where they they made them have a sign language it was like part of the rules like if someone spoke they had to have someone there H that's a I always wondered how complicated is that language I mean it seems like it seemed really I was watching some parts of it because at one point when you were on I walked around and sort of was watching from this side ledge area and I noticed that when you said the word at one point black [ __ ] this guy had to do this thing where it was this giant like it right well that's the strap-on bit right well it was it was something about it was when you were taking questions at the end it was like a talking about Dennis Rodman's [ __ ] or something like it was like very improvised oh the king JN ill thing but I was noticing this guy has to do this thing like black [ __ ] in sign language is this it's like so
stereotypical like it's just Giant and his hands were so far apart it was like he was describing like a tree stump or something like that like his hands I'm like that's black [ __ ] in Sign Language isn't that hilarious that's what they would come up with that's the move what yeah so [ __ ] is this I don't know why it's down why does it go down that seems awward because you're always on your knees but that's an awkward angle yeah how tall is this dude you're blowing oh that is why it would be up I see you blowing a giant what's going on a child made sign language you know if so get on a chair it's that's a ridiculous angle to have that your standard angle for suck a dick that doesn't make any sense at all don't knock into your thigh oh you can't say that second time Brian you almost killed some of the first time makes laugh just think it was brilliant it was at the time it was absolutely brilliant it was the perfect time if at first you don't succeed thigh thigh again oh two you guys get a room get a room you [ __ ] that's yeah we're going to have to share a room when we're in h San Francisco Sacramento I haven't shared a room since I why are you sharing rooms because listen get in your own rooms you [ __ ] weirdos your grown men stop pretending like you're in high school okay we're going to get up to our dog we're going to go fishing we're going to get a hotel room together shut the [ __ ] up dude get your own room godd damn it what is it $30 a night you cheap [ __ ] $30 a night what the [ __ ] well Haven you seen the commercials we'll keep the light on for you $30 a night 30 bucks Joe we were talking about it on a recent podcast I think you were there Tony uh I think it was Ari was was saying it was he was talking about how funny it was going going to the grocery store with you because like you'd be like H you know how much is macaroni or pasta sauce like you know $20 what something it was what is toothpaste $2 something like that I don't know what anything cost right I have't forever Eddie Bravo always makes fun of it and says that I would be the worst person ever on the prices right yeah cuz I literally don't know what anything costs it's so funny hey there's only room enough in my [ __ ] head for so much
[ __ ] I get you there's no room for that I just got no room for as long as people aren't riding the streets over the price of toothpaste if they are then I'll start paying attention it's like I got [ __ ] to do I can't be worrying about what [ __ ] costs as long as it's fairly reasonable but I have friends that are like wealthy and you hear them go a steak for $39 you're telling me that this steak cost $39 like why is this Stak 39 it's just what what are you doing what are you doing it's a number it's a what does it even mean what the [ __ ] is it even based on just shut your mouth you're not broke spend the 39 bucks you cheap [ __ ] you whining [ __ ] you yammering [ __ ] perspective lap douchebag you know get it together you [ __ ] it's not even a real person I went to that Morton's Steakhouse Place wonderful place yeah I I love it and I was just in the it was the only place near me that had crab legs and cuz I was just since Vegas I've been thinking about those crab legs from Vegas and from n yeah from nine which is the most amazing place ever so I went there to get them and a half PB was 60 like $65 and I was like that's a lot you get it like four leg eggs is what it was but did you watch that show where the dudes die they get on those [ __ ] crab boats no I didn't that's that's why it's so much it's cuz it's really hard to get that's where World deadlys catch well this is what I was getting at then the two days later I was thinking like that didn't I wanted more I wanted to eat a shitload of you know what I mean so then uh I went to Olive Garden and they had a wait so I went to the place next door instead which is like Outback Steakhouse and they had them there and uh they they had a pound for $40 and then you can add another half pound for 15 bucks so I got a pound and a half for the same price and it tasted pretty much exactly the same you could tell that it came out like when you pulled it out it was like a little a little harder I guess you're not as buttery and mushy as as the other place but still tastes exactly the same so you think they just overcooked it maybe I think they were frozen obviously you know that's you could probably tell the difference well I think they're all Frozen quite honestly because they're coming from Alaska well I was thinking that's why I went to Mort though cuz I
was like oh that place probably get well they just know how to [ __ ] do everything right there's certain places like you know Morton there's that other one Flemings you ever eat at Flemings yeah there's a whole chain of those things they just know what the [ __ ] they're doing you know I used to actually work at Ruth's Chris steakhous wait a minute hold on a second I I know what you said but I thought I sexually worked at Ruth Chris steakhous that's what I heard you say that too I was like wait what the [ __ ] did he say and that place is not and then I realized it was a SL luring or I used to actually I seually see oh I see I used to actually that's it see CU When you know if you ever heard someone speak in another language and they there's they're just rattling off and you if you don't know what they're saying you could never discern that there's more than one word going on there you don't know when one stops and another one ends that was a classic example yeah I used to actually you know that's what is that that's not a word it's like a Jeff Dunham bit or something that's funny no not Jeff Dunham what's his name that might might be a redneck guy Foxworth Foxworthy Jeff Foxworthy doesn't he have a like that he had like like things he would write down like d g e a t d like there was like you know there was like red a redneck vocabulary have you ever seen that show swamp people where they're just alligator hunting uhuh holy [ __ ] man I don't think I'm want to buy alligator [ __ ] anymore I buy I don't like alligators so I buy like alligator skin things when I was a little kid an alligator ate this lest dog and I'll never forget that I lived there I lived in Gainesville Florida and there was a place called Lake Alice and uh there's alligators there you see them all the time and I didn't think nothing of it because nobody was scared until one of them ate this lady's dog and I was like oh you [ __ ] but when you watch these people on these shows these these alligator hunting shows first of all you realize how many [ __ ] alligators there are cuz they're killing a shitload of them you know they have like a tag that they can fill I don't remember what
the guy was saying but it was like a I think it was like 500 or something let's find out alligator tag limits in Florida we didn't talk uh how was being in Texas during all that [ __ ] bomb [ __ ] and fertilizer things and Cra Crazy crazy um we we we missed the uh the fertilizer thing because I was only there for one day but um that the bomb [ __ ] all of it is just the whole thing is when when something like that happens it's so [ __ ] scary you know Katie uh waitress Katie from The Comedy Store yeah her uh cousins like look at this photo right here here's the uh terrorist guy right here in the Hat this is him dropping off the bomb yeah uh cuz uh this is the restaurant and he's walking the opposite ways of that he must just dropped it off right there right here's uh supposedly the kid that died oh God uh here's her cousin's all right over here and they all lost their limbs oh God and uh so they're going to have like a benefit show soon but that's just a crazy picture though because it has it all all together god what the [ __ ] man yeah no one knows what any motive yet where we're at now in the uh the news it's all purely speculation because the brother is dead and the youngest brother is he got shot in the throat apparently the only way he's communicating is writing things down je how does something I just don't understand and of course there's a million people online that are shouting out false flag false flag the government's trying to take our our weapons away and tighten down on security and that's why that's why this is happening did you read that the kid's Twitter like I stayed up all night that [ __ ] yeah his Twitter was spooky I didn't see it yeah his TW his Twitter was really spooky it was weird it seemed normal but then he would throw in like little things like [ __ ] the police and then or something like Muhammad something type [ __ ] well I think if you're going to paraphrase is a guy he's a [ __ ] murderer the least you could do is go to his Twitter page you lazy [ __ ] and actually read The Nutty tweets stress free guy that's what he said that was one of his tweets that's why he said that yeah he goes I'm mostly kind of a stressfree guy this is after he had blown people up yeah allegedly of course this is the kid that survived um the one that's dead there's there's all these
disputes about what happened to him some people are saying the cops ran over him he's saying his brother ran over him the whole thing sounds like and and people are crying out conspiracy one thing you have to realize about information whenever there's a tragedy or whenever there's uh anything that's like really scary like this you know there's a terrorist bombing is people panic and you get a whole bunch of different versions of the truth and it's not a conspiracy a lot of times it's just no one knows what the [ __ ] is going on everybody's terrified and stories spread very quickly like uh they thought at one point in time that one of the suspects was a missing University student from Brown um and he uh was uh I believe he was an Indian young man and uh his family had been looking for him for like a month and they distributed this video and people were saying this is one of the suspects that this is what what happened that he'd become like a jihadist and left but that wasn't true at all by the morning we found out it was a totally different person so this is not this wasn't like a conspiracy to like hide that information and I think that's really important when when people are uh looking at events like this wait till the dust settles don't just start [ __ ] calling out conspiracy and calling out red flags and false Flags saying that it's a some you know nefarious thing going on whatever it is is horrific but jumping on the immediate conspiracy bandwagon it's like man that is one of the worst things for the cause of questioning things and if you ever wanted to be a good disinformation Agent what you do is the moment that anything happens start yelling and screaming that it's a conspiracy and expose every single aspect of it that you you feels corrupt that would be the best way for the government to protect themselves from any thoughts of being labeled you know as being a part of a a conspiracy because there's so many nutty people that do that with every single event that it's like they've cried wolf you know yeah I was so nervous with Greg Fitz Simmons that night because he was actually down there doing shows and I I text him and he said that and the shows were canceled he was just in his bed
watching movies yeah the show's got canel well that that one night I don't know if it was was it Friday night that was he flew all the way down there for yeah that that was [ __ ] was crazy man Friday night I was what was even crazier is how horrible CNN was they were like an hour and a half behind but then you like look what was it hashtag Watertown that J gave me a it was just like guy throwing grenades this happening this happened like it was so insane reading that and and it was also it was amazing how censored everything was or delayed it was on the news I like you think you know that shit's you know people are getting grenades thrown at that would be on the news immediately you know but they were just like talking like oh you know we're still looking for this guy it's incredible everybody's a witness now and everybody's a cameraman now like what what's happening is um you know people on the streets can beat the news cuz they're right there too every but you also don't get uh filter meaning you don't get anyone correcting it either so it's interesting because you get you get instantaneous news but you don't get it vetted you know it doesn't people don't make sure that everything that's coming through is kosher not that the news always get gets it right they don't and I guess it's better to do it that way where it eventually sorts itself out but the but people that would step in and sabotage that process and and create disinformation like a government agency could be pretty [ __ ] successful at doing that I think and there's probably a bunch of people that are hired to do that [ __ ] all the time I've been accused of it myself but I will tell you that is incorrect and that I think like in those star skiing hutch movies like when uh someone would say would or a TV show any any cop show they used to have to remember in the old days like someone would say if you're a cop you got to tell me like when someone's undercover cop oh yeah and remember it was like there was a secret password you got to ask him are you a cop and they go [ __ ] yeah I'm a cop yeah man I'm too smart for you jack you can't buy this heroin you know there was like some magic word I think that was a a creation of fiction yeah yeah I think they changed that yeah but people always thought that so but you
know that's that's probably some disinformation that the cops put out they there was an accusation recently that the DEA put out a false paper about um them not being able to track people by using iMessage because iMessage is over the internet and so there was like an article like like a text site like if you're planning to sell drugs like do it through iMessage wow because the DEA says it can't read it and then you know that the DEA is pressuring Apple but it turned out that was fake it was like the DEA made that to get a bunch of [ __ ] that are drug dealers go yo dog just I message me I don't know what accent that is if that's your nationality I apologize it was just a SP of the moment thing I didn't mean no disrespect but you know like the the EA made they put out fake news to trick dummies into using iMessage to sell drugs it's a good idea it is it's very crafty but it's one of those things where it gets to the point of you know when that's not total entrapment that's just lying but what happens when you have undercover people when you have undercover people involved those undercover people like sell you Coke and then you arrest them that's crazy you know why it's crazy cuz there's no real coke okay you're not selling them Coke you're arresting them so you're saying that they wanted to buy coke but you weren't even really selling Coke you just got them to act through the moments that's a good point I never thought of it talk through it there was no Coke to buy there's no crime to commit they might have thought they were going to commit a crime but there was no real coke there're not really buying anything you're not really selling anything there was no real transaction it's a fake transaction you're play Make Believe and that's [ __ ] up because you're also trying to arrest people because the more people you arrest the better you your career looks so it becomes a quantifiable thing so you can talk someone into doing something illegal and then arrest them and then it helps you but that's crazy because people talk people in sucking their dick people talk people into doing all sorts of stupid [ __ ] they didn't really want to do they just did because they got persuaded because people could be persuasive so if you're some crazy sociopathic [ __ ] that just so happens to
be an undercover cop and you want to talk people into doing [ __ ] for you so you can arrest them we need to put you in a cage okay you you crazy [ __ ] yeah Tony yeah are you saying I'm an undercover cop no how'd you guys find out about that well the the Internet it's one of the first we had to vet it but we just figured we'd run it by you first see how you reacted well you know I have to tell you once you bring it up it's true I'm an undercover cop you know it's just the whole idea that they can pretend to buy drugs from you and then arrest you it's like what are you doing with it why don't you go get a stop stop that you're selling fake drugs you're buying fake drugs stop it just cut the [ __ ] stop trying to trick people okay either you catch them or you don't stop stop playing games pretending you're criminals either you catch them or you don't Jesus Christ can't we be everybody be a superhero superheroes don't pretend to be undercover drug lords and sell you [ __ ] illegal guns then arrest you yeah I think with the drugs it's good I think they should keep doing that Predator thing though the drones no the uh get the Catch a Predator like busting the guys that are trying to hook up with kids and stuff oh yeah that's different Predator JS yeah but even that you know what's what's [ __ ] up about that is like what if you got like a really weak dude and he's a pedophile and he's gone through like you know counseling and he's got like all this you know [ __ ] that's heavy in his head but he's going to figure out a way to never abuse again like he got out of jail and he's trying to go through counseling he's trying to straighten himself out and then along comes that [ __ ] Catch a Predator show and they just troll his ass I don't know how they get people to get into their site and chat with them and [ __ ] like that I don't know what those people say back I don't know what they get to say back but well sometimes you know they have the kid being extra teasy it is sort of hey there's a party so [ __ ] up I'm having a party I'm making cookies can you bring you know do you want some sweet tea was always sweet you have some sweet tea something about sweet tea makes you want to suck dick there's a there's some cookies on
the table I'll be right out and then that what's his name com out Chris Hansen powerful Chris Hansen how many crazy people has that guy met do they still do that poor nutty people I don't think so I think they got in trouble I think uh I don't see a lot of this what they did first of all I think you have to get people to sign releases to air that stuff I don't know how they got anybody to sign a release I mean I'm considered news maybe is that one of like I don't know I mean how did they do that they probably they probably cover their cost through everything what they oh yeah cuz it's worth it to them to have a hit we're just totally speculating I'll no better than anyone so why don't we uh look that up real quick let's see how did To Catch a Predator what do you think I should Google how did To Catch a Predator get them sign waivers sure watch what what you Google man you know what that in your Google records yeah no kidding right hey what was up with you in the Google Glasses man I saw hold on uh did you just call me honey honey Sweetie Pie how did Ketch brother get them to sign waivers yeah you could like get in trouble for like looking too much into Catch a Predator like what are you trying to do trying to avoid being busted you know I was thinking about that the other day like how do you even know what's going on if you can't Google certain things like I was think of looking up like how to make a bomb just to see if that's out there like nobody knows if that's out there if you don't Google it and everybody's afraid to Google it that makes sense yeah yeah did you do it no I didn't I don't I don't want anything to happen to me which is why I think I left an impression I you know it was something that I was curious about I wish there was a thing you could Google where it's like I don't know I just don't get it but it seems like any crazy could I don't know the internet's powerful the scary thing about show was like to catch Predator is you see that these guys are like broken you know you see they're like horrified when they get caught you see they know that it's [ __ ] up it's not like they're these remorseless cold insensitive unfeeling you know they're not scared when they get caught these
guys fall apart if you can see they're horrified at who they are it's really it's scary it's scary to say because it's like a glimpse into madness you know that guy Chris Hansen I guarantee you now this sounds like some hippie [ __ ] but being around people that are that [ __ ] up on a regular basis and broadcasting them and paying your bills based on broadcasting them and all I mean like under the guys I guess you're pulling these people off the street and that's always a good thing well you know what happened to him right what was it was it he got caught cheating on his wife or something like it was some big media thing yeah he got investigated with a camera he was out with another bom man I mean he look I don't know what the [ __ ] the guy's marriage was like you know I don't want to crack on the guy for that I think there's a big difference between that and you know of course you know some [ __ ] child some consensual [ __ ] he did with his secretary or whoever right that freak is who knows I don't hate him for that but it's being around all those people that were kid [ __ ] man that's got to wear on your soul let's go to wear in your soul to just even see these people over and over again and being in their presence when you know most of them are pro I mean I guess this isn't their first time I would I would assume this isn't their first time they probably already had sex with young kids already so you watch that it's just it's it's just it's really it's got to be a really depressing view of the world you there's only so many different things you can expose yourself to in a 24-hour time period and you got you know 365 of those 24-hour time periods in a year and you got a hundred of those years if you keep your [ __ ] together but most likely no and you're going to spend time hanging around pedophiles all the time and it's one thing if you're a guy and that's your job to pull him off the street but I don't I'm not exactly sure what good it does making a show out of that you know what I mean except scare the [ __ ] out of everybody make us aware but I feel like you know not that I mind them being outed because it's such a heinous crime against humanity but man it seems like a [ __ ] up thing to broadcast you know it's like what do
we want to concentrate on it's one thing to like work on cleaning that up but as a piece of entertainment programming you're going to you're going to concentrate on someone who wants to victimize children and you're just going to focus on that a lot I think it was a hit because you know they're the ultimate bad guys oh yeah so you're looking at the villain of all villains right no matter how [ __ ] up your own life is right right yeah nobody's lower than a cholester everybody can go that [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] that [ __ ] P you just to be on the couch picking your fat toes smoking a cigarette you're sitting there just picking dry skin out of your toes and just drop it on the floor oh this [ __ ] that piece of [ __ ] I hope he rots I hope he rots in jail death is too good for him I hope he broughts in jail you know what they do to child molesters they get him in there this person this [ __ ] wretched stupid human being is barely an ape they get the [ __ ] on this Childer and feel better that voice gross Gres me out that Boston lady yeah I feel bad I shouldn't do it I'm from Boston Boston is in a bad position right now I just don't you know this uh Boston thing one of one of the things that um is uh fascinating is that they like there was a thing about how uh they weren't going to read him his rights and then uh this um you know this thing about how whether or not they were going to try him as an enemy combat or try him as a civilian it's really fascinating that that's becoming like a real issue you know the way they decide to approach it like is this guy an American that we're going to try as an American you know or someone when someone when someone commits any form of terrorism are they are they instantly just out of the club or do we try them as one of us you know is it a is it a war thing are we at War how we going to how we going to go forward in this yeah it's interesting it's it's interesting the way we label things you know and it's interesting okay any conspiracy theory aside that all these nutty ideas that are floating around one thing we know for sure there was bombs that a person put in place that killed a bunch of people
that didn't do anything wrong and we have to figure out how the [ __ ] that happens and I know that sounds super simplistic but as a human as a species that's evolving clearly as we were talking about the Mongols earlier and like what they used to do a thousand years ago like our most heinous acts pale in comparison to those of our ancestors but when something like this happens you you realize that people are still capable of such embarrassing ruthless stupidity arrogance and just horrific insensitivity towards their fellow man the idea that you could just take a bunch of people you don't know and kill them and Ma them and just you just were in the wrong spot at the wrong time and I got a message and there's only one thing that gets people to do that Folks by the way and it's an ideology right it could either be a religion or it could be a cult or it can be uh you know some group that you belong to that sworn allegiance to a certain code or set of rules but that's the only way you get people to do [ __ ] like that if they don't have an ideology they just don't do that it doesn't make sense there's no evolutionary benefit to doing that other than pleasing a group of other like-minded Psychopaths someone you have to be amongst a group of people that have very specific beliefs that above all else take precedent so that you're will willing to put your Humanity aside for your crazy beliefs in a completely irrational display of destructive power and that you can kill Innocents that only comes from ideology and we get really lost when we start talking about um religious freedom and religion and you know and and atheists are guilty of this just as much as as really religious people are because whether you call it being a Muslim whether you call it being a Buddhist whether you call it being a vegan whether you call it being a Christian whether you call it being a republican whether you call it being a Democrat whether call you call it being a progressive when you lock yourself in anything you become a part of something that's almost been decided for you you you you you you you
lock into a prearranged set of opinions on things and some of them are batshit [ __ ] crazy and just like the Mongols got a 100,000 [ __ ] to roam across Russia and Europe and China and Slaughter millions of people you can't do that unless you got a cause you can't do that unless you're part of a group you can't do that unless your group is separate from the other groups and the only way that ever works is someone's got to talk you into that [ __ ] you got to be a part of something and with this kid but apparently he was it was a he was a you know the one that they're saying did it he was a pretty uh radical religious young man now whether or not that's true who knows it has to be it seems to be the one thing that all these people have in common yeah well the the I think the uh false flag people are thinking that like somebody gave them all this stuff and that they were uh talked into doing it and that it was a plan to uh erode civil liberties that they would sacrifice a few Americans and clamp down on laws and this is this really is classically what military leaders have been doing since the beginning of time you know like we were talking about armies in the past would actually sacrifice soldiers and slaughter them so that the rest of the people could eat you know they would cannibalize themselves that was they they had to talk somebody into doing something like that you know I mean the first time somebody does that super awkward yeah it's [ __ ] you know it's it's hard to believe that in this day and age with the be like if you look at like how amazing humans are capable of being you know like here's a perfect example Oprah now I know Brian doesn't like my love for Oprah I love that your love for Oprah I think it's funny Brian he he Goofs on me but it's it's an honest appreciation for what she does because Oprah like you know I had a friend who worked for her and he was like man she's like super um do you got a pee you weak [ __ ] daily an hour in how the [ __ ] you going to try to be a standup comedian you can't even go two hours without peeing U my friend was like uh he worked for and he was like wow she's like intense you know you know she's like really she has an idea what she wants and she gets it
done and uh you know he was like I think he's probably intimidated by her too because he was working for her but like stop and think about how much nice that lady does like that lady is like so nice all those women that come to her show they feel great everybody leaves positive I was reading this thing the other day on um negative energy and that um there was some sort of a study that actually showed that negative energy is contagious that if you find out you know if you if you're hanging around people that are negative and it doesn't just affect you when you communicate with them it becomes a part of the way you communicate as well it becomes contagious and one like super aggressive contagious negative person can actually infect like a company I think that's why it's important that uh I mean companies have been uh really uh focused on that I think um ones that are really aware of the social structure within their organization they want to make sure that you don't get like a really negative Downer type person in any sort of a role because if you get them you know that they can really infect like if they're especially if you had some guy like you're working on a big project you got some one guy who's leading it and he's a douchebag and everybody shows up work like G it's there's very few things in life worse than being stuck like working in a job that sucks with a boss who's an [ __ ] right why why are all bosses mostly [ __ ] too I look back at all the jobs I've ever had you know and it's the majority like they were always the [ __ ] they were never the people you hung out with or wanted to hang out with you know they were always the [ __ ] I was always a terrible employee so I think anytime uh a boss got mad at me I totally deserved it whether it was a shitty um I did a [ __ ] job mowing lawns when I was a you know um La landscaper I remember the guy hired me I [ __ ] scalp this lawn I didn't know how to work a lawnmower I lied just so I could get the job like my friend did it and you said you could do it easy it's no it's not hard but it was hard the first time we did it was kind of hard to figure out these are old shitty lawn mowers you know and I I scalped the [ __ ] out of this lawn [ __ ] hate mowing lawns don't you hate it that's that that used to be torture
back a child it's not easy oh yeah but when I was in high school my friend Chris uh he one of the things about Boston about growing up in Boston Boston is like a really in like they have a lot of Ingenuity there's a lot of like people get [ __ ] done there like a a strong work ethic there like clearly way stronger work ethic than I ever experienced here in California like people are so used to getting up in the morning shoveling their car out from the snow they're they're they're used to [ __ ] like it's a different kind of uh like there's a different kind of like mentality there you know and if you grow up there you grow I forget what we were talking about that I I had example what we talking about just before that open bosses being shitty yes [ __ ] I had a point and I completely lost it and trying to figure out why it is damn it you didn't take your Alpha Brain today I didn't I took it but not until right before the show [ __ ] mowing lawns opra no no no it's past Oprah dude it was the the mowing lawns thing it's about oh my friend Chris okay when I was in high school this is what it was um when everybody else was like you know I had a job at like Papa genos and [ __ ] I was like making spaghetti and it was like pretty easy boring job this kid had a lawnmower Empire he had a landcaping Empire he had a brand new car he had people working for him he had Lawns that were going while he was at school he had guys working for him they were cutting Lawns why is at school and he would come home and he would go and uh work till night time and and show up when work the next day he always had new sneakers on he was like a grown man by the time we were 17 this [ __ ] kid I I had never been around more people that made me feel like a lazy [ __ ] there was so many dudes like my friend Jimmy that I used to live Jimmy jao this guy like he had from the time he was in high school he had his own electrical business he worked for a guy for a little while started doing work on the side by the time he got out of high school the dude's got his own business he's just busting ass 10 12 hours a day driving around around like a maniac it was you when you're around people like that like you you develop that sort of you know that that sort of tenacity that exists like in not a lot of spots in this
country you know and I think that dealing with like environmental conditions there's something about that it's why people from New York tend to be funnier you know people from Boston tend to be funnier it's because they're dealing with so much [ __ ] all the time oh definitely and Kim TRS Kim TRS I definitely think coming up with that where you're raised has a lot to do with that type of crazy factor of your communication skills really I I think it's down to like you know small talk if if the city that you're raised in it rains a lot you're going to end up having to talk with your friends more or if it snows a lot if it rains a lot if it's a windy city things like that it's true and I think really apply like yeah socially for sure right yeah in California you could sleep outside and live right oh how you drank drunk and just partied and talked yeah on the porch while smoking cigars that's it don't you think that Ohio of today growing up in the same place where you grew up would be very different because the internet cuz kids growing up with the internet be a lot more tolerable that's for sure yeah right yeah yeah that's a a totally different world now it's the whole world all a sudden got lights turned on everywhere lights turned on and the News started showing up all the information started flowing whereas before you relied on local newspapers and [ __ ] TV news [ __ ] how the [ __ ] did you know what was going on how did anybody know what was going on back then man yeah how did anybody know so I think they're saying uh that there's like certain laws that apply to pedophiles that's why those guys were allowed to be put on that show and there's a reason why they quit that a guy killed himself while filming it oh Jesus one of suspects somebody tweeted well if they were being honest wouldn't they say Good Riddance see you next week yeah they would they would show it I mean are they trying to get rid of predators they're trying to catch them it's not it's bad if they commit suicide well we're all God's creatures even the ones that [ __ ] kids what I mean what is that that's ridiculous wow they got sued for $105 million why don't they just come clean and and give the guys a gun on the show and go listen sir there's a bullet in
that gun put it up to your head [ __ ] this trial and uh that would be we'll pay for your funeral and uh we'll we'll you know that'd be the most watched reality progr as soon as he blows his brains I'll go psych film it get a closeup on him we're out just get out of there just leave him there put it on TV no one's going to [Laughter] know what are they going to do they the cops going to sue NBC they're going to bring him in for questioning look you saw what happened guy [ __ ] kids we gave him a gun okay we're we're good here right yeah would that be illegal would say yes especially if the guy didn't have a gun permit yeah I guess it really depends on the gun law and maybe you could do it if you gave him the gun and said whatever you do do not shoot yourself in the head right now on TV give him a little smile a wink there was this weird comic at the at the store last night do you remember this Tony uh there was some Norwegian comic that I did something for Michael Jackson or something but he had this huge Wikipedia that that just goes off about how brilliant this guy is and how much money he oh did he write his own Wikipedia he one of those maybe but I mean so he's connected to like a lot of these TV shows and stuff but anyways his wife uh uh comes up to me and goes Hey fat man come here fat man and it was right in front of you I do know who you're talking about God and she was trying to tell me that she wanted that that he has this nice house up here and he uh pretty much she was trying to get to come back to them their house ory what it seemed like and she wanted you well it's probably what they feel like Hollywood's about right oh yeah and he's like if I am going to make it here you have to give up the [ __ ] listen we need orgies all the time nor the only way to make it as comedian it's so weird yeah that's a that's a pretty odd story there fell and then and then she's showing me these photos in her phone she's like look at the parties we have and it's just like her and this other girl like in wait a she's a comedian the wife the wife and she's just like going around the whole place like
bragging about her husband how much millions of dollars she was very cute but this guy looked like a baren you know what I he's a bigger guy with a suit that's like four sizes too small they were probably both CIA you guys are getting slowly worked they're slowly going to make it into the organization they they were looking into this whole Des Squad thing they're like what is des Squad do we have to worry about them that's what it see see you you're the guy that they wanted to take up there and show yeah she they were going to drug you and hit you with some [ __ ] some hypnosis Europeans just they just don't have like normal sex he's going to be some Manchurian Candidate type dude that's what's going to happen CIA dude's going to drop a nano pill in his drink that silly [ __ ] he'll be hammered he'll drink anything it's s his way you know what's also weird is that lady that drives around in that pink Corvette yesterday this was my point not yesterday excuse me last week this was my point that I see her maybe once a week and it's always random places like I'll see her in Hollywood once I'll see her a lot around here uh but like expl tell people what she is she used to be like a rich wife I guess that would post photos or these Billboards like all over just kind of promoting her and I don't think she really had well that's one way to describe it yeah I don't think she really had anything going she just had a lot of money to play with and so she pretty much made her seem like she was a big deal when she really wasn't she was just a rich wife yeah well the Billboards were these giant Billboards say Angeline on them in like big letters like whoa It's Angeline and she's this really pale lady with giant tits and she looks a little odd like she looks like like really like photoshopped like really like brightly lit like it's really hard to discern like key features um because she's apparently she's very old and when I came to LA in '94 she had big Billboards all around town like several of them that that said Angeline it was just her and then her Management's number it was her and her underwear and it was really hot actually yeah it was kind of crazy because you know she was she had a really nice body I guess back in day at that that's like
what's her face uh Dolly Parton yeah but by the time she was doing this I mean who knows how old she was in that picture but the um the one that you see today Bears no resemblance yeah I had no idea who she was and we were shooting something at Hollywood in Highland one night in that crazy like area and all of a sudden she pulls up and people were like oh my God there's angelene and it it took I had no idea who this was and it took like four people 20 minutes to be able to explain to me what the big thing with her well I think she but in La she's like a uh like an icon yeah she's probably 60 years old at least and she still dresses like she's like 17 I've seen her several times I wonder what she wanted if she wanted to be an actress or like what because know a good question interesting marketing campaign but what's really weird is is that how much I see her and and that's like the one of the only cars where you're like oh that's her that's her that's her and like how many times you actually drive by people you probably know and and drive around the same cars it's just so weird how small Los Angeles actually is to that point well in that sense and you know it's also like the spots that she hits or the spots you're at like I I just saw her at a coffee bean yeah there she that's what she looks like now yeah yeah yeah oh man God I'm sure she's a nice lady I'll do it no hate but uh you wouldn't do that if I mean look man nothing wrong with um being that you know that's who she is she's fabulous let her go get it [ __ ] this little kitty right here oh look at that arm Brian put that away that put that whole thing away you [ __ ] she's a she's your grandmother man show some respect I don't know if she's mother or grandmother or but you know that that whole wanting to be famous thing is a strange thing and she was like one of the original reality stars she created her own reality show by just putting up Billboards a reality show became her life you know no one was filming it but her life was a reality show you know I knew who she was I knew who she was a couple years after living here so I've known who she was since 96 is 97 is wow so crazy yeah you remember when she pulled up she had her face covered
with with like some kind of like one of those Asian fans and she she she's mysterious yeah whoa yeah that's a that's a strange strange world we live in my friends man if I was a porn star hot chick porn star I would buy a pink Corvette and be her new competition oh that would be so rude you can call yourself angelone yeah or Angelina yeah that's a good idea though cuz I mean that's how she got her attention to sing that you know P Corvette some other Angeline maybe you could have like your whole thing was about like how you uh get a rich husband who uh allows you to freelance in your porn career and that you know that would be the whole thing so the husband has no idea what's going on he comes home what is happening in here who are these guys and you got to explain while they were tag teaming you and you got to say you know it was also so I could get better with you honey I just they're they're not tag teing they're teaching me this is it's very controversial I I should abandoned this right now it's not going anywhere have you ever been with a girl that you're just completely haunted about like that you think about like even after it happened you're was like why the [ __ ] did I do that that's part of being drunk son that's the whole part of being drunk that's a beauty of life if you didn't have those stories then you wouldn't have those awkward moments and if you have didn't have those awkward moments you wouldn't have some really hilarious [ __ ] to talk about when when everyone else is drunk as well and they can understand what you're saying yeah that's when drunks have the best stories the the being drunk drunk stories when they could just really cut loose and be free and not worried about it I had friends from back in the Boston days were the best stories when they're drunk and then somewhere along the line those [ __ ] become Alcoholics Anonymous people and all the stories stop yeah I feel like I'm going to have to start getting an Alcoholics Anonymous soon just being at the comedy store going at comedy club so much you just have to [ __ ] drink me and Tony Battle with this almost every single night where we're like have you got a drink yet yeah oh you know I mean it's just it all
depend you know what's interesting about you know it's like either the night's going great and you want to drink to celebrate or it's a [ __ ] boring night and you want to drink to have more fun so it's like there's never there's never a time where I'm just like in the middle like you know what I just it's just more fun if you do it every night do you have a show though man it really can wear on you well you know I'm very lucky because on my end of it I'll sometimes only have a half a drink or one drink because I'm very little and I'm very reactive and uh so how many beers did it take to get you [ __ ] up two and a half probably for yeah two and a half beers and you're [ __ ] up three I'm [ __ ] up is that great uh yeah three and I just decided to tell a story that I wasn't sure if I was going to tell right yeah I normally don't get to my third drink until pretty late oh really that's funny yeah that's weird how much do away um probably about 127 right around there and if you think about a beer is what a pound right yeah I guess so I'd say one bottle of Jack Daniels [ __ ] me up too essentially you get to like 1% of your body weight fairly quickly 1% of your body weight in beer oh that's interesting yeah what' you say what about Jack Daniels we [ __ ] I've gotten to the point where I think one bottle of Jack Daniels will [ __ ] me up shut up son you you you [ __ ] start slurring when you open the cap yeah slurring slurring and and and being alive yeah I'm talking about like black I'm talking about like bleeding from the liver until I expire my poor yeah it's interesting that no one's figured out a way to uh create the effect of alcohol without the horrific effects to your [ __ ] body well you know my way works you could just get down to 127 and just sip on a drink all night long feel great or black out every night cuz you keep forgetting you only weigh 126 lbs now right like you imagine like a guy like Tate what Tate could well he doesn't drink but in his prime it's big guy you know big guys could put away more like Joey Joey could put away some [ __ ] booze man when Joey Joey Joey barely ever drinks but when he does
he always gets the most fuest drinks it's so cute like he'll get like I got an orange cream sickle T good man that's why you know people like pan coladas and [ __ ] you're getting [ __ ] up and some folks only allow them that on when they're on vacation but men well when men are drinking they want manly [ __ ] when they want something that is makes some oh yeah right totally what you talking about you guys want to drink right now I have a long night of drinking don't be a [ __ ] so you're saying you you'd rather drink with them than drink with us no I I mean dare you how dare you it depends what you have because I'm pretty hung over right now well I'm about to go watch a [ __ ] UFO documentary so I'm fixing to get [ __ ] up I've only ate quinoa today I'm not really big on watching UFO documentaries while it's over there's a spray something's going to go wrong what is this Jam ban just showed me this there's a spray that gets you instantly drunk for a few seconds wow that sounds awesome seems super healthy you should give give that to yourself right before you leave the house how long does it last uh doesn't say just a few five seconds is it like some whipits type [ __ ] I guess no I don't know what it is it's uh one spray releases 0.75 alcohol oh oh gets you drunk legally it doesn't get you drunk oh legally drunk why would you show me that they got some sports cast some sports caster got pulled over for um is it Al Michaels yeah he got pulled over and he was on the limit he was ABS at the limit 08 and 09 what happens there when you're at well here's the thing don't you first have to do the drunk test you know like you walk around like a baffoon and then if you fail that then you have to do it he obviously I guess showed signs that he can't do you know balance on one foot you know so well not necessarily they might have just asked him and he said he would take the test cuz only had one drink that's what he's saying he's saying he only had one drink I think did I read that no you know what that's what the I'm sorry that's what reath Witherspoon's husband said I got the wrong drunk he said he only had one drink but the Al Michaels guy uh he tested on the limit and he's a
[ __ ] man's man he's a [ __ ] sports caster you telling me that guy doesn't know how to drive when he's a little tipsy he's an '08 let him go you [ __ ] don't you appreciate a good game of hockey being called by the Maestro he go it's not like you're letting go a criminal 08 that's a pro Drinker that's a pro socializer that guy know H since he was a baby yeah 08 the [ __ ] out of here it's like what a [ __ ] Society we have that's not drunk okay if he's drunk yeah for sure arrest them [ __ ] that's ridiculous people driving around drunk or [ __ ] but people driving around that are barely buzzed at 08 like come on how do I know that your body functions as good as mine does when I'm drunk how about that your reaction time how good is your how how do I know you're not a Dollard with a with a slow right foot you just can't get your that breaking time you know maybe Al Michaels could still even it whatever he is 70 yeah still do a solid two-step hits that break like a champ I'm not saying you should drive drunk I'm just saying what's 08 that's like a drink right yeah pretty close yeah I would like to see what a 08 guy looks like performing stuff you know I would like to see him go through that I would like to I'm sure he's always in a way when he's calling the Super Bowl you know what I mean right you know you know one that doesn't count though here's other thing though is the adrenaline that you get when you get pulled over I would imagine that would have some sort of a recuperative effect like if you're a little little you're driving a little shitty because you're kind of hammered and you get pulled over and it might jolt you into a position where you could possibly perform the test a little better than you could be but it's not going to make you less drunk right so 08 is still an ' 08 if he blew it yeah I think it's just entirely too low to to blank it that that's considered a DUI because I mean you know if you go out to dinner and you have a drink like a margarita and the bartender like pours it stronger than normal are you saying that just having one margarit with dinner you should go to jail and you know get all these things on your license that you think you know that
you're going to run into plow into a school of children like I I don't buy that I think that's I think that's I don't know I'm not a big I think it needs to change I think that's a dosage issue what you're talking about is a dosage issue and that they really should get in trouble if they're doing that I mean people don't want them to get in trouble go yeah go to this place they got the stiffest drinks you really should let people know what the [ __ ] you're serving them and if you're serving them some margarita that's got twice the alcohol in it you're trying to get customers that way you could [ __ ] somebody up if they know exactly how they usually rock it you know they have this thing I'm good for one Margarita and then I back the [ __ ] off and then I get home and I'm fine and then all a sudden the guy's Hammer driving home he doesn't know what happened it's cuz you essentially like doubled his dose yeah I'm just saying it's way too low I think man yeah but not if it's I I I see your point definitely but I'm not convinced I don't have any data I want to see a guy who's at a ' 08 go through all that [ __ ] is it based on what percentage you are your fines too I don't know you know I want to do it I want to I want to get your together no no I don't want drive drunk that's one thing I've been really careful about my entire life I think it's it's really important to uh to be safe when you're you're operating a vehicle I mean the idea that you would operate a vehicle with your body all [ __ ] half there that's so scary to me it's so scary to be The Driver it's so scary thinking that there's so many people out there that are doing it it's so selfish and stupid um but I think that I would like to find out what it feels like to be at a 08 and do you know any of those tests any of those lean your I want to know like what is it like if they say like you know I'm not going to drive but get me to the Limit give me a breath lier say okay you're at ' 08 now like whether it's three drinks or two drinks and now make me do your stuff I want to know what it feels like proba you can buy a breath lier on Amazon we should do it but I don't want to do it because I don't want to I definitely don't want to drive all right but I would like to drive on a course I would
like to go on a course and see like get me to 09 and let me see what I can do I think you're going to be surprised how exactly normal you're going to be feeling I wonder well I wonder because I've been drunk and as of you I wonder I wonder what it what it's like to do at that well I would but then again like telling people that 08 or 09 is the limit means that's probably where most people who are not in the best shape or don't have the best talents for alcohol where they start to falter so if you making a public policy that's probably a good idea to do it on the conservative side you know Anthony cumia had a fun funny thing he was talking about like it should really be based on your tolerance and they you should have like a license that indicates your tolerance but that [ __ ] changes too CU dudes start falling apart yeah you have to just take a license test or a tolerance test once a year but it's so incredibly irresponsible to tell people they can drink more right you know to tell people that the legal limit as is e you could drink a little more Yahoo They just [ __ ] green light son CH you ain't got tolerance like me boy I got tolerance like I mean think about like my friend Justin he's a perfect example you know my friend Justin the seven foot tall dude our friend Justin's like a legitimate giant he's enormous and if you go drink for drink with him you're going to die right you're going to die you're not the same species as him he's a completely different human being he it's like a a dog next to a cat it's not the same size I'm pretty sure it's Andre the Giant actually who has the drinking record I'm serious I think he has the some there's a drinking record I think it's a crazy am hands of be wow wow but he was a you know he's like he was like what s foot something he was enormous yeah there's been a few Giants since then that uh got into mixed martial arts there's this guy uh uh Giant Silva he was like a legit Giant and um he uh fought in uh pride and then there's Antonio Bigfoot Silva and uh that guy I think I I'm saying I think I'm saying Sil I think that's his name if not I apologize he's a big giant guy with crazy shaggy hair and then there's another guy semi shil he's like 7 feet
tall I think he's just a huge guy I don't think he has gigantism I think he's just an enormous regular human but uh you would just imagine a guy like conre the giant those little tiny you ever see a picture of a little tiny beer can in his hand yeah to trip crazy to trip he would hold a beer K in his hand it was like you holding one of those little kids apple juices you know those ones that come in lunch boxes w it says that they estimated that he drank over 7,000 calories every day in booze alone I would they have the do they have the stat there the number with the I know it's like a decisive thing well I'm want to see the picture of his hand because it's so silly you know rowdy rowdy Piper started coming by The Comedy Store a couple years ago and once in a while he'll swing in and he's friends with a few of us there and man he's so great at hanging out and telling stories wow and one of the stories that he told was about Andre the Giant cuz everybody always goes you know cuz they did the road together for a decade or whatever right and um he talks about how one time they were at a bar and there were these college kids they're like hey you know [ __ ] you Andre the Giant and you know that they're drinking beers and that uh that one time a kid drinks a beer throws the empty can at the back of Andre the Giant's head and he goes don't do that again and then later on he takes an empty can and he throws it at the back Andre the Giant head and they all picture oh my God and they all run outside running away from Andre the Giant who got up in his now chasing them and they all got in their car all at once but Andre caught up to the car before it drove away and he just flipped he he picked up the car where did you hear this story rowdy rowdy Piper really yeah it's got to be a true story too even if it's not let's let him tell it isn't that picture hilarious though him holding the beer can I mean it's like a little ba it's like you ever see like a little kids refrigerator set they have a fake refrigerator that's what it looks like yeah 119 beers in 6 hours God that's what he drank that's what he drank yeah yep how big was that guy um what was his height and weight 71 7 foot one and he wasn't just tall he was enormous oh yeah God damn somewhere
between 611 and 75 and over 500 lb some between 611 and 75 and over 500 pound and then I also saw something that's a very how [ __ ] can they measure him right you know what the problem with that is wrestling they lie you know 6'1 3,000 lb of Twisted steel well they lie just to to make guys look bigger but that guy was like legitimately enormous like in a real wrestling match he would beat everybody I also heard a thing that that big body slam that was like from the big WrestleMania 2 where Hulk Hogan body slams The Ultimate bad guy on the giant right and it's like you could tell Andre the Giant jumps into it with all of his might and Hogan's just trying to yeah all he needs to do is go like that it's amazing that he could even hold him up though and he said that when he did that he could feel every disc in his back just go hul Hogan yeah and then he laid down Andre the Giant and he was just so glad that that was the end of the match because he he ruined his back there yeah wow his back is [ __ ] up now right that guy he's had surgery guys are those guys are unbelievable Warriors because they were doing it every night in sold out Arenas right they had to put on a show they were going Non-Stop and like even um Piper just like six or seven months ago he was by the store he would come in like once in a while uh every few days for you know just then anyway he he kept going oh my shoulder's sore my shoulder sore I'm going to the doctor on Wednesday I still worked out for four hours today but my shoulder sore he ended up finding out that he h a he technically broken his neck he had a broken neck and the doctor's like it's not your shoulder it's your neck and it's broken and so it was like probably pinching a nerve and the nerve was hurting his shoulder right but he's he's just so these guys are so tough in real life that um is to him oh sore shoulder yeah what do people give a [ __ ] about wrestling anymore oh yeah they still do right it's still very popular unbelievable like I keep seeing like CM Punk and all these people and these pictures and crazy is that you know most people don't know this but Monday Night Raw for example which is the Premier weekly show someone's a wrestling fan yeah but it's been number one on Mon it's held Monday nights
forever how the [ __ ] do you know this and why the [ __ ] do you know this that's what I'm saying what's going on here when I was when I was a kid I was into wrestling so was I and then I grew up and I got oh [ __ ] can't believe you went there me too and I still like wrestling a little B he still has pubic care dude stop being an [ __ ] I don't I haven't watched wrestling what you're doing is cyber bullying right now no I'm just I've been giving him a hard time because they all had like a wrestling party and there was we our buddy got WrestleMania and he has a giant screen and it's funny to you know we all did you guys take your clothes off yes right did you reenact the moves with Lube yes in your mouth hey what do you think about this uh sispa thing the bill that passed the house it's [ __ ] up C very scary if you guys don't know about it the House of Representatives passed sispa which is the Cyber intelligence sharing and protection act by a 288 to 127 vote that's crazy and it's uh the idea is supposedly that it's meant to enhance National Security by facilitating the sharing of electronic information between like this uh I'll quote it between say a private company and the government this is a story from U mediate.com and um the way they describe it is that if uh the government like say if uh a private company in the government deem threatening the bills opponents maintain it will make sharing of personal private information far too easy so this I guess the idea is what is what is the the main the main idea about behind this bill is that they're going to be able to see every website you've ever visited every website will have will be able to share the information of different people that have gone to them is that what it is uh you know I I have no idea what the exact uh specific thing is but yeah it seems like that's what everyone's talking about but is it can can it be vetoed by Obama I don't know because he didn't he didn't veto the ndaa you know I mean Obama is a hilarious kind of situation because he's super intelligent he's half black he's you know from a single parent household but he still like votes just like the Republicans do and he still does stuff that the
Republicans did like it's really strange it's like if he was a white guy people would be [ __ ] furious if he was a white guy of privileged background and he made the choices that he's made as far as like uh bailing out the banks as far as passing the NDA not vetoing it all these different things that have happened the drones all these different things that have happened while he was in office if he was a white guy of privilege he would be getting crucified it's fascinating it's almost like the perfect plan like if you were military strategist and you were trying to take over the company you would do it with a a situation like that you wouldn't just go get some super Elite rich guy you would get some guy who you would associate automatically with Progressive liberal sensibilities and then you do all that creepy [ __ ] right under everybody's nose it's really interesting his his big slogan was change and looking back on it now it's like well he changed a little the you know know drone attacks went from 50 up to like 300 changed a lot in Pakistan that's not funny but [ __ ] man I don't know it's uh it's it just seems like if if he really could change things if you really could like influence this uh this society and how's the time to do something you know instead of just these speeches sort of reactionary speeches dealing with each and every issue whether it's Sandy Hook or whether it's whether it's uh this Boston thing like I wonder what if anything could be done to sort of enact a like a change in in a culture a a plea for for a change in a culture and if anybody could do that it's got to be the president you know and the President addresses he does these National speeches where he addresses policies and he address is NA national Affairs as far as security Affairs and and threats and various things along those lines but what this country s really [ __ ] needs they need aoid a different not not a different person but a different Mantra we need a a new way of looking at things we need a speech we need something that gets people believ in we need an I have a dream that I have a dream Martin Luther King speech to this day
that [ __ ] resonates no one's doing the I Have a Dream today everyone's doing the we're all going to get along and change and hope and you know and make it more affordable and health care for everyone and gay marriage yay but no one has a speech about uniting humanity and getting us to understand that our lives really are truly only better when people around us lives are better as well and that United there's enough resources for everybody there's enough love for everybody there's enough enough health for everybody there really is it's just the current system and the current ideology that we have is not based on the reality that we're an expiring life form and that we have a temporary time here on this planet and to waste it not being aware of the the the full reality of the situation is a shame and a like Obama has the opportunity to do that but he doesn't ever say anything like that he never says anything that really inspires people to look at it in a completely different way he never says anything like I think you have to if you're in a position to be the [ __ ] president of the United States that's a position very few human beings ever get to reach I mean maybe he will when he's leaving maybe he will once he leaves maybe you can't when you're there I mean who knows I mean maybe it really is an incredibly restrictive environment and he has no room to free ball and no room to go outside of um what they want him to distribute his policy I don't know I mean I don't know what the [ __ ] the Situation's like but if this world ever needed someone to speak up and someone to just make some [ __ ] sense someone to make some sense and and and and not talk politics you know not talk religion just talk Humanity not talk nationalistic not talk conflict just make some sense well I guess this is the you know this the same bill uh was vetoed last year by the the White House and and it looks like you know just it's one of those things that's just poorly written and everyone knows it type thing so so was the ndaa unfortunately it passed really hard through Congress though that's the thing is it didn't pass as hard in Congress the first time well I think that a lot of about it this morning a lot of the way the government's set up and I'm
obviously not an expert on government but I know that a lot of the the way it's set up is that you know we have representatives and you know we can't all be there while policy is being dictated so our Representatives go there and they make sure that everything represents their constituents but clearly a better way to do all that is the internet if anybody needed to be phased out oh it's the majority of politicians that are involved in making laws you you could phase those guys can get all new jobs you know have you seen House of Cards no aesome this show shows you what's actually happening in Washington for the in a real TV show that somebody made up oh it's unbelievable it shows you you you realize what they're what they're dealing with what they're actually doing and it's all just it's is it awesome it's all just deals the show is unbelievable I mean Kevin spy I heard he's a bad [ __ ] he breaks the third wall or whatever and just starts looking at the camera telling you what he's thinking in the middle of scenes it's pretty it's pretty sweet oh do everyone else freeze in the background freeze like they're playing a game sort of pretty much they're still still you know they blur out but then it's just him just you know he'll be a cross a meeting table from somebody like here's what I'm about to do and they don't know it but here's how I'm going to do it watch this oh wow and it's amazing it's really just politicking you learn a lot about you know even show business and networking overall from how these politicians operate because that's all that they're doing is playing gossip games and texting and it's a broken system and they're all criminals keeping us from the internet that's what it is they're trying to tighten down on this [ __ ] system and what they don't want to do is admit that this could all be handled way better with voting online let's do it that way every person has an ID every ID is just like your [ __ ] social security card you can only do it once boom and you vote online yep and when that happens that's when things will get good you can't control that [ __ ] you can't you can't control that they'll they'll they they'll never allow something like that they will fight it to the death that literally might be
where the revolution lies is getting people to vote online because they would essentially be giving up all of their tricks that they've been using over the past decades to manipulate how our our our people are picked how our president's picked how laws are passed all that [ __ ] has been manipulated everything should be done to popular vote now yeah isn't that a fascinating idea that there would so try hard they would try so [ __ ] hard to avoid yeah that would be like a real tipping point in this country when we really realize being we're being run by vampires oh yeah like how quickly they would [ __ ] shriek into the dark corners of the room when you open the drapes and take a good look at the real scenario they're not trying to like give the people what they want they're trying to profit off the current system the current corrupt system as in place God damn it Tony need to run for president right you're a clean young man you can run for president you're you're very likable could probably pull it off you think you could there was a period of time when I was a kid and I wanted to but you wanted to be presid at one point in time for a little moment did you fall on your head or something um what made you want to be president uh did you get sick were you Delirious no I thought it was just I was very very young I thought it was glamorous did you have the fever yeah the president's fever he had the Fe he had the president's fever you know when we all go through that school and 16 years ago lying in your bed dying yeah I got obsessed with the there was a period where I was a kid I was obsessed with like the Declaration of Independence and how it came to be and like a whole I read I remember reading a whole book about John Hancock then I started practicing my signature all the time cuz I was obsessed with John Hancock I thought that was so cool that this guy had the balls to be like here you go here I am and I did this who would be the first person to be president that doesn't have the fake president Voice who would be the first person that just talks to everybody the person who changes the world who doesn't have a way of speaking with long fake pauses what I believe what I believe for you and for me and for our great nation is that we
must unite imagine if that guy it is it's so bizarre that [ __ ] guy was over your house be like [ __ ] why are you talking like that why are you talking in this fake stupid voice but you get away with that when it's a big group of people and you're a politician we know that you're talking in the fakest most old school way possible you might as well be in the theater you dummy you might as well be in the theater back when they didn't have microphones when they used to have to shout out their stupid lines can you imagine a strip club DJ being the president imagine a strip club DJ with no microphones coming up to the main stage it's diamond and then a bunch of banjo players behind have the music because you don't have electricity today our country at a bomb threat I got more information or or more evidence to the PO poor people that think that I'm uh in League with the devil I wore this t-shirt on um uh Fox it was um the wild in wonderful Whites of West Virginia right they um when I ordered the the DVD they found out we talked about on the podcast so the people that make it they sent me these cool t-shirts and one of them was uh that famous picture of Nixon meeting Elvis well they shaking hands but they replaced Elvis's head with jessco white and Nixon with the Devil Himself and it says like the Devil Himself jessco and uh I wore it on on Fox and I got like hundred tweets going what the [ __ ] are you wearing on TV I didn't even think about it but for a good portion of this knucklehead country if you have a shirt on that has a a devil's face and it says the devil like these dummies actually think that you like you're you're down with the devil like the devil that's that's where we draw the line in this kooky country even even you know even religious people like you can say that you believe in God you're allowed to say that you even allowed to say that God talked to me you know I saw a guy say that the other day it didn't even bother me there was a guy that was Austin Texas there was a guy that was at a red light and he was begging he had a you know cardboard thing on and a guy in the car rolled down the window and said hey man God just talked to me and told
me I should give you this and he gave the guy 20 bucks that doesn't bother me but if the guy roll down that window and said hey man I was just speaking to Satan and he thought you could use this to party with you're not talking to Satan anybody believes in Satan is an [ __ ] like you're allowed to believe in God but if you say you believe in Satan everybody tells you you go [ __ ] yourself you have to be like way deep in cuckoo for Coco Pops oh yeah to actually believe in Satan to believe in uh to believe in the bad guy I mean yeah have you ever met someone who actually believed in Satan and you didn't know that they believed in Satan until you got to know them and then you're like ah [ __ ] I feel like I've met a couple people that really wanted to be different and like couldn't pull it off though you know they don't have the commitment I met a girl once and uh she was with her sister and it was total innocent conversation you know nothing nothing crazy got said it was totally normal and she brought up something I think it had to do with gay marriage I think it had to do with that and it was something about a bill being passed and I this was many many years ago so my memor is a little foggy but I do remember this whatever the controversy was she said she goes it's not God's way and I said I remember like stopping and like all of a sudden going whoa what what what happened with this conversation like what did you you just say it's not it's not God's way like how do you know what God's way is do you do you really talk to God or like where are you getting this from and she goes oh that Satan his scales have covered your eyes she actually said that to me his scales have cover and I'll never forget me looking at her and her sister and going damn you crazy [ __ ] yeah and the girl was she was so pretty too like oh my God she's beautiful she was like Latin or something like that I was like oh you crazy [ __ ] well you guys take care just I I was like we can't even talk talk you really think that like Satan has scales and he puts them over your eyes we have so much work to do here like I'm not taking on this project like to just just to communicate with you and get you to a point of rational objective thinking we take three four mushroom trips right have you heard of a
guy named Peter poof he's a pastor one his T evangelist guys what did he do blow somebody I saw him the other day I watched a I was sleeping on the couch and I woke up and his he had one of those shows on paage shows commercials and and I was amazed what what woke me up cuz I was kind of like half listening to it while I was sleeping what was amazed is how the the things that they say in it it just seemed illegal like they were like you like oh you know we're going to send you some miracle water this water is you know Miracle Water you're going to open up these envelopes and and then they start showing like testimonials like of people and they're like you know I sent in my or I read the letters and then just a week later I got a new house and a car and then the next person was like I got $200,000 and then Other Woman was like a guy just walked up and gave me a check for $15 million and it was it was like the most fake of [ __ ] ever and so then I started really researching this guy and there's all these videos about him online like like I guess he's been ripping people off for a long time and one of the best videos is one where he he just goes up and he goes where's where's so and so so and so is here like let's let's say Tina Tina Fay where you where you at and then she comes up and goes I heard you have arthritis and you're here because you want to get rid of this arthritis and stuff like that and the whole time his wife is just pumping a whole show she had a thing on it was on one of those 2020s or something like that yeah I know we talked about this in the past I believe I'm pretty sure maybe it was on another podcast but I was amazed that he's still allowed to do this [ __ ] oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well that guy um a dick well name one that's not it's almost like it's so it's so ridiculous it's like the most ridiculous hustle ever it's like who are they tricking the only people they're tricking are like they're almost like mentally challenged oh yeah people with no hope when you're when you're when robots when you're down to being convinced that there's a miracle water out there that is going to come in the mail via the postal service and it's going to it's going to change your fortune right yeah that's the one one of these uh things somewhere along the line
they used to ask for donations but then somewhere along the line they uh they realized that they could sell things and they started like selling like holy water and selling like prayer services and and and and tell people that you would plant a seed MH so if you like spend $90 your last $90 it would come back to you in tfold the Bible says and it would come out with some crazy [ __ ] what's that um that guy CFO dollar he's my favorite because he's got a dollar in his name I mean you're a pastor and your [ __ ] name is dollar what's your real name they all have weird names like that guy Peter popof have you ever met any of the other pop hofs before this this guy's got to have a different real name though he must have a real name what's his real name wow his real name is crlo Augustus dollar junor wow this his real [ __ ] name he's got a Bachelor of Science in education he out there talking [ __ ] smacking people my favorite Robert Tilton you know who he is he You' probably seen him the there's a um a viral video of him farting like he's like he talks in tongues a lot on a show too he go s it's hilarious see if you could pull up Robert Tilton talking in tongues CU it's some of the most ridiculous [ __ ] ever but uh one I'll never forget this one thing he said he said every time you write a check to me Satan gets a black eye wow but but doesn't part of you think that if you're dumb enough to to send him that money like so what so a guy got you with the dumbest trick of all time like you really thought that money was going to God you really thought that money was going to give the devil a black eyye if you really thought that you you're [ __ ] stupid I'm not looking after you right one of the guy things that this Peter poof does he also sends you a uh barley uh cake from you know the Bible where it's like kind of like that the little bread you eat and he goes uh he goes in this commercial he goes and we make it with the exact ingredients that they say in the Bible and blah blah blah well then if you look up Ezekiel 4:12 in the Bible it says and you should eat it as barley cakes and bake it using fuel of human waste so it fuel of human waste so in wait a minute
wait a minute wait no it doesn't you want to bet type in eel 412 okay hold on e e that's hilarious K I hold on hold on e e k i e l e l 420 4 12 412 yeah you're you're thinking about the weed law but Ezekiel 42 it's been a long time since I read up on my good old Ezekiel so this is all new to me Bon with dong that cometh out of man in their sight hold on so so he's saying should are cooked with [ __ ] oh my God and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man in their sight but it's in the Bible it's in the Bible why don't you need to study the Bible and cook your bread with [ __ ] have you ever tried my poo poo barley cake [ __ ] imagine how dumb people are that hurts my brain do you know Ezekiel Ezekiel might have been a Tripper cuz Ezekiel was also where the first depictions of UFOs came from hey let me pull that up yeah Ezekiel was known for there's um there's a uh like a Bible quote that people bring up all the time say UFO I bet people were seeing a lot of things after eating a [ __ ] yeah they're eating [ __ ] [ __ ] cakes all day throw it up almost dying it was a wheel within a wheel it was God's Chariot there was guys with boats that had all the animals you think we should prepare the barley cake in a different way no no it's great but trying to find this so shitty what a stupid [ __ ] culture cook it with [ __ ] okay Dad should I write that down on paper I put something for thou art my son cuz I got so obsessed with this Minister that so when I found that out that I I had tweeted something like all of garden was like Ezekiel 4:12 or something like that and all these people got pissed off that I was doing Bible scriptures oh that's hilarious well they read that though yeah they figured it out how do you not read that and just start laughing you're telling me to cook [ __ ] cakes [ __ ] the Bible says cook [ __ ] cakes that's just one more dumb thing in the Bible God damn it I'm so tired of people pretending that book's awesome I'm so tired you stop that shit's stupid okay here here's here's a quote and I looked and behold a whirlwind came out of the North a great cloud and a fire infolding itself in brightness was about it and out of the midst thereof as the color of amber out of the midst of the
fire okay how is that a UFO H that's somebody putting two points together that don't go together probably oh wait a minute this though hold up listen to this also out of the midst thereof came the likeness of four living creatures and this was their appearance they had the likeness of a man whoa after eating and everyone had four faces and everyone had four wings and their feet were straight and the sole of their feet was like the sole of a calf's foot and they sparkled like the color of burnished brass what a Trippy book people like oh my God it's so real I hear God's words when you're saying these things God is speaking to me through your words please read on and they had the hands of man under their wings on their four sides and they had and they for had their faces and their wings somebody might have just made all this up and me like an [ __ ] is reading these fake Bible quotes [ __ ] all over the Bible and the aliens but guess what I don't care I'm not I'm not reading any further it seems like if this is if this really is ezekiel's it says it is God damn it it's all nuttiness they walked up with their four faces and they said why are you guys cooking things in [ __ ] and the living creatures ran and returned as the appearance of a flash of lightning now as I behold the living creatures behold one wheel upon the Earth by the living creatures with his four faces these guys were tripping hard eating [ __ ] cakes oh yeah losing their mind what grows on [ __ ] mushrooms that's right leave your [ __ ] cakes out they're covered with mushrooms eat your [ __ ] cakes trip your balls off start talking nutty man when those went these went and when those Stood Still these stood and when those were lifted up from the earth the wheels were lifted up that guy is this is glossolalia that guy's just that's word salad that guy's high as [ __ ] he just rambling high as [ __ ] on sh saw the same thing in Joshua Tree one time this is the stuff by the way that they kept in you know I mean think about that like especially in the New Testament the New Testament they they had to like have like meetings to deci side editors what's in there you leave this if you look at that too crazy if you look at that Ezekiel 4:12 quote now it's totally changed has nothing to do like it's
completely different oh they've altered the quote well you know it also it's probably so hard if you talk to a linguist right you know I talk to a language scholar the other day ironically enough for a Bigfoot show and um if you talked to uh a linguist they'll tell you that it started off it was a a spoken story for the longest time before anyone even wrote it down and the the Bible most many of the stories in the Bible probably existed before language or before um uh written language so like like a lot of the stories in the Bible also they're like really similar to the same stories of ancient Mesopotamia and like and like the Epic of gilgames is like really close to the Epic of no Noah's Arc it's like it's really like a lot of similarities in a lot of the stories so they had to write it down they wrote it down in in probably let's say the first [ __ ] was the Sumerians so they wrote it down in I think it's called cunia form a uniform they wrote it down in that and then eventually it became ancient Hebrew and then they got to translate it ancient Hebrew to to Latin and then it was translated to Greek it was translated to English like they had to [ __ ] it up in a lot of ways along the way I me you're dealing with some wacky ass languages I mean how many people even exist that know how to convert all that [ __ ] yeah lot of the languages are lost yeah and when they go over the the Dead Sea Scrolls is the real trip Factory read some of the [ __ ] that's in the Dead Sea Scrolls the Dead Sea Scrolls are the oldest version of the Bible by far by almost a thousand years I think and it was found in a place called kumran in these these caves in the the the side of a mountain like the side of a a hill and uh these caves have these clay pots and in them were these they're literally made out of animal skins and it's the oldest stories of the Bible and it's all trippy [ __ ] [ __ ] it's all you you read it and you go it makes Ezekiel sound normal right and it's so nutty that even though it's the oldest version of the Bible they're very resistant to uh release it and you like to say well we're going to revise the Bible now according to dead Shea Scrolls they're like you know what we've been reading this for a while maybe we need to
[ __ ] just bury this [ __ ] this that's where um that uh guy John Marco Allegro who's the um the Dead Sea Scrolls guy he was like the the head translator for the Dead Sea Scrolls he said the whole thing was about mushrooms he his uh he wrote a book called The Sacred Mushroom in the cross he was the only um scholar on the whole Dead Sea Scrolls committee that was a agnostic he was ordained minister but but then in studying theology he realized it was horeshit you leaving boo boo yeah say goodbye to the people bye guys we're going to we're going to wrap this up soon anyway we got to get out of here too I got to go see the uh premiere of Sirius the Dr Steven Greer documentary where he reveals the truth about the tiny little alien baby and whether or not it came from the planet Uranus will you please text me immediately or live twe text me during it I need to know what what's going on with this text you but uh is a show only for you I will save the rest of it for when we talk on air so do not expect live tweets or spoilers um I'm fascinating I actually talked to a really cool guy today at a uh video game company that saw it last night and he he said it was really interesting so I'm gonna get high as [ __ ] and we're gonna see what's up later buddy see see you tomorrow man George St Pierre tomorrow yeah um so this uh Dead Sea Scrolls uh this uh guy John Marco Allegro said after like 14 years of study that the entire Christian religion was really about fertility rituals and mushrooms it was about tripping balls on psychedelic mushrooms and it was about fertility treatments and that or fertility uh festivals and that they would fertility rituals and that like becoming pregnant was like the most important thing like keeping a Baby Alive was really difficult and becoming pregnant and having you know a child was like the most important thing that they all look forward to like there was a serious urgency to uh having children because people were fragile you know and they also knew a lot about the indigenous psychedelic plants and especially the what they think the amonita muscaria mushroom he thinks was one of the big ones and that these people just didn't want anybody else to know about it so they hid their stories they hid them in in Parables and you
know they hid the uh how they uh you know what their history of of the use of this stuff really interesting stuff that I'm way too stupid to understand whether he's right or whether the other people are right but the guy is a legit scholar you know he's not a stoner he's not like one of those guys that's trying to justify mushroom use there is something the times that I've tried mushrooms in which I know it sounds stereotypical but I really think there's something there I mean there's like definitely Beyond science and rationale and what I've been told to expect and this and that I there's something there's something extra wild about him and uh you know nothing's really that great is when you can really enjoy that yeah and um and it makes for everything I mean luckily you know they're finally coming out with these studies that are showing what it's doing for depression and anxiety and it's it's a supernatural um cure at times for people even with what they called um what do they call when it's a lifelong uh diagnosis um chronic depression and people have bounced out of it when they thought that they were going to be miserable for the rest of their lives it's like oh they it's a real Consciousness resech button a real one a real one not not not just like bowing your head and pretending you feel better it's it's real it's legit um listen to some of the [ __ ] that's in the the Dead Sea Scrolls by the way um there's people that are working really hard to try to turn that around was like the John Hopkins study and yeah my friend Aubrey was just at Maps the uh the Psychedelic U meeting whatever the hell it is I forget what the what what does that stand for maps I say let me say map psychedelic I should know because uh they're doing a lot of uh really uh good work and U letting people know like they're int multidisciplinary Association for psychedelic studies and you know they're they're hitting them with hard science over and over and over again and showing how many people it could be beneficial for which by the way and a lot of the people that are trying to hold it back those people that are trying to hold it back it would be beneficial to them as well so people don't understand it's that your desire for your resistance to psychedelic is
the very reason you need psychedelics in the first place if you really understood what you were resisting like you're really holding God back you you really want to believe in God take six grams of mushrooms you'll see them yeah you'll really party with them you'll hang out with them do DMT you'll have you'll meet God for sure you it sounds crazy it sounds like an idiot saying it and I agree it's I it sounds like an idiot and it's me I agree with you but I think it's probably exactly what Ezekiel was talking about in that story I bet he was tripping his balls off oh yeah he had some crazy psychedelic experience he probably ate some mushrooms or or you know the the Moses burning bush Scholars to this day actively in in in in Jerusalem there there's a movement for Scholars to recognize the possibility that Moses was on psychedelic trugs and that's one of the reasons why it's all a burning bush like one of the big bushes that they that they associate with that area is the acacia tree The Acacia Bush rich in DMT and if that if does that mean that if they figured out how to extract that [ __ ] and smoke it burning bush is right there yeah he met God he found out the 10 that sounds like what God would say if you're high on DMT all those Ten Commandments they sound pretty right yeah don't [ __ ] your neighbor's wife don't kill anybody be nice yeah it sounds like what DMT would tell you like it literally is exactly what DMT would tell you translated to the filters of time of thousands of years of various languages but if some guy had some breakthrough experience back then I was trying to Enlighten all the people around him that's what he would say I I came back from God God gave me this message and then over x amount of years of idiots talking about it would no no no he wrote it on stone tablets well how did he know it was God's word well did God gave him giant Stone I mean when people exaggerate and tell stories of course you had a thousand years of people explaining what happened they're going to [ __ ] it up and butcher it just makes sense what was the name of that Mel Brooks movie it's one of my favorite scenes in comedy history when Mel Brooks is playing Moses and he comes around the corner with three tablets my Lord I give to you these 15 and he drops one these 10
commandments yeah so funny this is a uh this is a [ __ ] fascinating the these quotes I mean again I can't tell you if uh these quotes are really from the actual Dead Sea Scrolls but it's uh it's really wild crazy [ __ ] it's it's just hard to understand how you to translate things to English because it's not you're also trying to like display the intent with a completely different style of communicating you know like the style of communicating that they had back then is probably so alien to us like socially and so they try to alter it to get it to fit into how we feel that they would communicate if they live today like G God many will attempt to steal your crown and Rob you of your joy but they can never Ed because of my presence with you what you have hidden in the Deep recesses of your heart can never be removed by the enemy of your soul maintain a strong faith in me and my word and you shall never perish but enjoy life Everlasting which I have provided you that's sounds like a cult leader sounds like a dude who's trying to get his dick sucked and he knows where all the gold is yeah life Everlasting that's a hard promise to keep who knows that that's what it's really said though that's that's the the really fascinating stuff about all this really ancient [ __ ] is like piecing together the past so [ __ ] hard to figure out what anybody really said like this stuff that I've been uh telling you about this Dan Carlin's hardcore history that I've been listening to for the past couple of months uh they don't even know what genas Khan looked like they don't know what he looked like they don't know where they buried him they don't they they don't have any direct quotes from him they have quotes from like people that met with like Russian historians like emissaries and you know and diplomats that met to like demand things before they uh you know before the Mongols descended upon them don't know [ __ ] about this guy I I read a thing about that exactly that they hired like 50 people to bury gas Khan and then they hired a 100 people to kill those 50 people so that nobody knew where he was buried then they hired 500 people to kill those 100 people to kill the 50
people in case any of them told them a thing and they would just Ambush these groups of people that were under their own command in order to protect the secret of gask Khan they're bad [ __ ] they were willing to take it to a level that human beings today can never conceive of that's all I do now is I absorb all these uh these this history is unbelievable and now with the internet you can go nonstop tangent to tangent to tangent you can forget what originally got you there next thing you could just be on the different scope of the universe but for some reason like tragic events of 12 ad don't bother me as much as like Boston of 2013 like I I stopped reading about the Boston tragedy so like I don't want to you know I'm hearing about this guy lost his legs and this people you know these people are permanently injured and this person died and it's you know it's so depressing but for whatever reason I can read about genas Khan or listen to this audio tape about ging is Khan it doesn't bother me yeah we don't know how keep people are ter they're capable of such horrible horrible Behavior we don't know we're not used to we're not around it that often so you have to see something happen to just understand oh yeah there's some of us out there that are just [ __ ] nuts man it's just in in in the evolution of things it's hard to it's hard to get all the way clear after a thousand years ago the mongoloids were killing tens of thousands it's not the mongoloids wait what was it Mongols oh whatever it's all you can't say whatever man they'll come they'll come get you oh genas Khan is like their hero I mean imagine like that's that's a guy that's in your your past you know we talking about what what did your ancestors do oh really my answer was gas [ __ ] Khan my ancestor killed everybody cuz gingas Khan [ __ ] so many people that he's responsible for like a giant percentage of the DNA in that area like he's in something like 5% his DNA is in some I just made that number out by the way and I'm not even going to Google it okay cuz it's not that [ __ ] important what am I a historian go look for yourself you [ __ ] but if you want to find out get get that Dan Carlin Hardcore History I can't recommend it enough the guy puts a tremendous amount of work into these
podcasts I really respect his work ethic I'm I'm [ __ ] fascinated by it man gang is Khan was a [ __ ] dude you know what I'm saying Tony hinchliff oh yeah definitely so uh what's next for you buddy except besides Wednesday night at the ice house can't wait for Wednesday night B ker and Tommy seura and Brian Redban Jesus louises I love it I'm very excited we're going to have some fun mhm what else is going on for you you still working on Jeff Ross's show uh yeah we're in between Seasons right now hopefully season 3 will be really soon uh the burn on Comedy Central and you're one of the writers over there yep so if you see something really offensive most likely that guy wrote it you know who did it Tony hinchliff he doesn't give a [ __ ] even if I didn't write for it I fought for it to be on the show he's born gangster look at him look at him it's true I am does not give a [ __ ] came out here from Ohio to make it in the dark world it's true what you from Columbus originally from Youngstown in ital an Italian city between Chicago and New York I know where that is I did comedy there I did comedy in this club the funny farm yeah and they had uh there's a the stage was in the back and there was a disco in the front and the Disco was like well it wasn't the highest end disco you know that a holiday in I do believe and it was like all this music was playing every time the the back door would open you would hear and then it would close and then you would go back to your act and it would be like literally this quiet and then the door would open so it was just constant open and shut and to PE you had to go that way I think remember I might have made that up too no that but I remember it wasn't a good gig that club was uh notoriously um like not really did you ever do it no never never dare started out here so did you want to go back to just let everybody know I went back a couple times when I first started and uh did pretty big shows at a different bar but uh that was at a bar oh you just did like you book your own thing yeah look at you you [ __ ] stud yeah who'd you do it with did you bring somebody it was just me actually just you by yourself yep I have I I have a lot Savage yeah I have a big uh good
great group of friends back in Youngstown how much time do you have all together well all together it's weird because no matter what I'm trying to do I always go off on tangents and whatever so it's always I have to end up doing less than my goal anyway and uh that's a good problem to have yeah yeah it is that you get that problem when you do a lot of Comedy yeah got to do a lot of Comedy you know on stage how many days a week you going up every night that's how you do it some nights like last week I had a couple nights where it was three shows in one night damn flying around just doing it so is amazing when you do that because comedy becomes part of your DNA you know it really gets in that Groove it's hard to do it's hard to do oh yeah I find uh I balance I like to do that um I never like to do every night I like to do like three or four nights a week but then I like to take nights a week off and not even think about comedy and just write where I don't I don't even I don't even entertain the idea of going on stage I just go over ideas you know and I find that there's like for me I can't just always be going on stage it's like a lot of time has to be spent especially now working on I don't know like like sixth or seventh hour or something like that all the time I put out specials and [ __ ] it's like I have to I have to figure out like new angles and new points of view and not even necessarily new points of view but new subjects new uh new different things that interest me new points that I have I feel like I don't I don't just get that if I just go on stage a lot I have to spend a lot of time doing other [ __ ] you know and I I think about that actively now whereas when I was younger I really think about that actively like I would just uh try to like write you know or just try to come up with new bits but now I like make myself do things so that cool stuff will come out have interesting stuff to talk about it was very soon after I started standup and within the first couple weeks I found a a book that Stephen King wrote called on writing yeah great book unbelievable because it's a it's obviously you know it's not a fiction he's just talking about his work ethic of writing he's like I don't think I'm a writer if I take a day off what am I then I'm just some guy and uh so I
started applying that during the day and I figured you know on top of writing my own standup if I keep up this habit of writing for a few hours every day during the day um then uh then it'll get better and uh it did sure enough you know luckily I'm a member of the writer Guild now with the working on the show and everything so the habit was uh and really it was that book that gave me the confidence because you're listening to Stephen King you know what I mean yeah one of the best at what he does so one of the best of all time yeah I mean I'm a huge fan of that guy and I just I just have a about people that produce stuff I find that like for me one of the most inspirational things is to be around a lot of other inspirational people y like when I uh like when I go to a UFC I want to work out you know after I come home I want to [ __ ] work out like crazy when I go see comedy I want to write yeah I think that's that's really important oh totally I do that all the time even with the music that I listen to um going somewhere getting ready for something you know at night I listen to Big powerful music that'll get me you know sort of hyped and inspired a lot of live shows is the type of music that I listen to and you hear the crowd just yeah you know in these breaks or at the beginnings or at the end of the song and that's the stuff it takes every little bit of Mojo one could absorb to be able to kick it back out yeah that's why I really like um music as well I think music is one of the cool things to see because it's like the energy putting it it's it's but it's totally different from Comedy it's like some new facet or some new energy some new thing and like when I listen to a song like some songs there's like something about it like like there's a lyrical quality to like writing in songs that I started to realize somewhere along the line is applicable to Comedy as well like when a a joke is written correctly and a joke is has a good economy of words and the right words to describe the right situations it has like a rhythmic quality to it and I think that's sort of that's sort of underestimated or o overlooked by a lot of comedians the impact that that sort of Rhythm to the delivery has the impact of it I think it's pretty substantial oh totally but we don't think about that we just think
about what is funny but it's not just that it's like it's funny and it's also good and it's smooth and it's there's a lot of things to it that make it more enjoyable more interesting to listen to a perfect example of what you're talking about right now with the Rhythm and like timing and everything last night I'm hosting at The Comedy Store it's like 40 comedians everybody that's new and employees after that and then paid regular whatever and in the middle of it a cook the the Mexican guy eloo who works the deep fryer at the comedy St hey man I want to go on stage and barely speaks English at all I mean the impression I just did is making him sound much more American than he is and he he wants to do comedy and I go you know what man all right but it's just going to be two minutes okay this way in case it's you know dis right but um you know and he goes up but it was hilarious because nobody could understand a single word but he was completely committed and then all of a sudden he's making this noise and you really you don't you don't know even know what the noise he was making was but his commitment and his Beats with it just he crushed he crushed and all these other comedians that do it every night and look at going up in that room at the comedy store is like this is it I'm going to show them what I would do on The Tonight Show if I was on it tonight then you have the guy working the frying pant who nobody understands a word there's people that spend you know so much time writing and everything but there he is and it's sure it's a silly instance but it was extremely funny and if I'm cracking up and the audience is laughing and people in the then it's funny and but you know what's really interesting you did without a word how do how do you recreate that and could you recreate that with another audience maybe not and like maybe that would only work in that sort of a really loose situation where it's a comicy store a bunch of Comedians In The Crowd you want to go up yeah go up and like no expectations right you know what I mean it's like could you recreate that and become a comedian right it was yeah cuz you know how that there that weird realization you have where just because a joke kills in one place it could bomb in another place oh totally and you say it the exact same way and you're like
well what the [ __ ] and then you realize like well well there's like this doesn't always work like this this is a weird idea I'm throwing out there some people are going to buy into it and some people are not and sometimes it sounds like the greatest joke ever written and sometimes it sounds like you're a fool yeah cuz sometimes there's something something that happened the first time you did it when it worked that you did before that you don't normally do that you forgot that you did and it worked because of that and I think a good thing for young Comics to realize is that that's good it's good all that's bombing and failing and not getting it right it's good oh yeah totally because if if you don't have it you're not going to appreciate when it goes well I remember in my first uh few weeks of doing it somebody when a comedian came up to me who I won't say his name but he was terrible and he goes uh hey man you know the trick is bomb as often as you can and I'm thinking to myself oh yeah that's what you would do you loser because that's what you're doing anyway looking back the trick is to bomb what was his rationale well he goes you know because Now's the Time to knock bombing out oh you know how to bomb now it'll it'll it ended up making some sense uh later was terrible so how did he have such wisdom right exactly somebody must have somebody must have told him that like hey you know look at it this way in a positive sense your bombing's good you know I don't think bad comedians are funny anymore makes me sad it's funny to you right now cuz it's so close yeah now it's just just Madness I look at it I just see Madness there's people that you know that are going to try for years and years and years and they'll it's never going to happen right doesn't exist for them yeah it's it it is creepy and I've seen it with a few people it must be that with anything I mean you watch American Idol and people sing and you're like how does this person think they can sing they're crazy how does this person person think anything want anybody wants it must be that if for if you're a literary agent I mean imagine how many people send you stories you're like holy [ __ ] are you reading this nuts [ __ ] work come here read this what what is that Tony why why are some people so
goddamn delusional is there a broad spectrum of human beings and the amount of voltage your battery puts out and some people are just designed to dig holes I think that the delusion is um you know com the delusion needs to be that with tons of work at something you can accomplish it not that the delusion is I can do this it's you got everybody that has ever been good at anything worked at it you know what I mean a lot so it's not and they wanted it even if you work at it doesn't mean you're going to get it especially with things like Talent things like tal Talent is a weird thing like there's guys I've seen guys that like they train striking like for MMA they train it for years they [ __ ] train it for years but then when it comes to an actually fight they can't pull it off they they just they can't strike with people they can't hit they don't move right they're too slow for whatever reason it is they can never figure it out and then there other guys you show them a couple of moves and they look like [ __ ] Pros like instantly and they Crush you and knock you out with one punch doesn't make any sense it's like you either I mean it's like that guy clearly has a gift and this guy clearly no matter how hard he works he's never going to get there it's true it's a weird thing about this life boy it must be a real curse crazy feeling to be one of those guys it's like trying to pursue something and you're having no success and you can't connect the dots and you can't move forward oh man it's you know before anything was happening you know before when I was still not making money and before I was getting past at the clubs in Hollywood and everything it was uh extremely low you know I was able to keep having fun by surrounding myself around funny friends and everything but man was it hard yeah it's depressing it's depressing as [ __ ] when you're not making it when you're eating dick out there it's hard but isn't it a like a real character builder once you're through to the other side like oh yeah you must be so happy right now oh yeah yeah you're always smiling and [ __ ] oh totally you're like a professional comedian boom you got through it's wild you made it yeah dude you you know you [ __ ] killed in Indianapolis that was a lot of goddamn people 2,000 people out there and you
had to go up cold nobody knew who the [ __ ] you were I love it killed that's the way that's the way I like it yeah the audience loved you a lot lot of positive tweets man people really thought you're funny yeah it was a blast I listened to the Set uh the next day and I I just couldn't even believe it it was it was really wild cuz I record all those and the sound and the power of that one was that the biggest crowd you ever worked I think so right right around there I should know but it's it's been right around there with a couple shows the quote that I was talking about this guy Phil Elmore he's a writer he wrote this on his uh Twitter says a writer never has a vacation for a writer life consists of either writing or thinking about writing and that's Eugene inos he was a playright that's so true yeah I can't sleep at night if I didn't do something that day it's not a vacation I'm I work my vacation like this is a blast I if the what would be uncomfortable for me is literally being on an island for a week with no internet and no yeah pen and paper well people that don't understand that like you need to relax Tony you know need to stop working so hard they don't understand that you're the only person that can make Tony Hench Cliff jokes like somebody likes you you're the only person that that makes you you're the only person that performs and you're you you know that's it this is the only Ton Tony hen Tony hinchcliff show around no one else can do it unless they're in Vegas years from now doing an impersonator act right right history is the autobiography of a Madman Alexander hen it's another badass quote that I read today this might be a good way to end this show Tony hinchcliff thank you for being a bad [ __ ] thank you for coming along and uh and being one of those guys that I can enjoy enjoy your comedy man it's fun so happy to be part of it it's happy to have you welcome that's why [ __ ] all right thanks everybody for tuning into the podcast tomorrow we will be back with the greatest welway champion in the history of mixed martial arts George S Pierre my friend joins us um and people say will you do the George sterre uh impression in front of him only with George's blessing I don't know
what the [ __ ] that means Tony help me out here buddy pick up the slack pick up the slack Tony you mean George St Pierre is going to be sitting in this chair tomorrow yes don't rub your dick on it oh son of a [ __ ] uh thanks to squarespace.com go to squarespace.com Joo and uh sign up use the offer code joe4 and save 10% off your first purchase on new accounts you dirty fcks thanks to audible.com go to audible.com Joo and you will get one free audio book and 30 free days of audible service thanks also to ting I can't talk um what is it ran. tank.com or something like that update hold on I'll tell you a second um Ting uh yeah rogan.com go there you [ __ ] and save uh 25 bucks I think yeah 25 bucks off of either a phone or service and uh they're an awesome company and they're very nice to us and they don't mind when we make really shitty commercials like this um thanks uh to every everybody else thanks to on it use a code name Rogan save 10% off o n nit T off any of the supplements and uh that's it ladies and gentlemen um I apologize for my brain being mush lately been working a lot on this other show as well as doing this and uh uh I feel it I feel it Tony I'm feeling a little stupid help me out buddy May 3rd 4th and 5th San Fran Sacramento the death squad shows Tony hinchcliff in the house [ __ ] that's it all right folks we will see you tomorrow we love the [ __ ] out of you um and uh God speed Mah big kiss [Music] [Music]