Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D68x7V0iWrk
we do um a couple commercials and then we get cracking but the commercials you're on we're on right now so when the commercials start if you feel like talking you just go ahead it doesn't mean it no I'll I'll be I'll be respectful to you matter commercials Jim Jeff I'm telling you you do whatever you want to do everyone's allowed to chime in he's blowing a fart on me who is Jim Jeffrey just waved a fart on me did I yeah I don't even know what I do these days I did that so Solly cuz that sounds like something I would have done so I'm going to I'm going to just apologize wow sorry and you don't even you just made a went on autopilot Auto fart on you pilot uh the podcast is brought to you by the Fleshlight that's our main number one sponsor our first sponsor ever of all time way back in the day when we were just on a laptop with Ustream and snowflakes in the background when they were black and white they were flashlight that's back in the days before the Avatar or the not alien movie one they were just black and white we started when there was black and white television by flashlight stop lying Brian it's true there was black and white televisions what are you talking about like like back in the day there was black and white TV that's not when we started with the FL we started when it was only black and white you know black and white flashlights that's a terrible joke it wasn't it's a commercial joke it doesn't even make sense why don't you go back even further and go we started before podcast were talkies it doesn't even make sense that's R you know it was silent that's when we were doing it you're lying to these people they know you only been doing it for 2 years everybody knows no no no the flashlight black and white that's it just a Fleshlight joke it was not supposed to be really thought about too much was it true there was more there was a bunch of different colors right no when we started I think it was just black and white unless they had the alien one before that but I don't think they did oh didn't they have like zombies and [ __ ] no that happened all late recently really yeah see it was a black and white so that's what your joke was yeah oh Jesus Christ was a cheesy joke wow it was pretty good man did you like it no I
I I have I haven't even got it yet has reach yet I'm glad somebody else is here I'm still pushing I'm glad because you know if there's a message board out there there's a 100 people right now agreeing with Brian Brian's totally right the joke totally made sense it was an excellent joke [ __ ] duking it out right now on some internet forums over this anyway it's a good product the Fleshlight solid you know it's embarrassing sure but you know you're going to masturbate so just go get one [ __ ] it try it it's good use code name Rogan and you save 15 % there you go just save you some money enjoy it we're also brought to you by onet.com o nnit t makers of Alpha Brain the cognitive enhancing supplement new mood the serotonin boosting supplement and we have shroom Tech Sport and shroom Tech immune all of them essentially um except for uh I guess the shroom Tech wouldn't be necessarily thought of as a neut Tropic but what what they are what especially alphab brain is is uh it's essentially vitamin for enhancing your cognitive function what does that mean the way it's explained to me is it enhances your body's ability to produce neurotransmitters and you feel feel better you feel clearer I take it all the time I I feel great and I notice the difference between when I'm taking it and when I'm not taking it I I can tell um go to on it.com for details o nnit t and uh use the code name Rogan save 10% first 30 pills the first order you get of anything is it's 100% money back guarantee so even if you eat it all you could take all the vitamins eat all 30 of them and go you know what I think this is [ __ ] then you get your money back um no one's trying to rip anybody off this is all stuff that I've used long before I was ever associated with this company and I'm a big believer in vitamins so go and check it out I'm playing footsies with you [ __ ] you was playing footsies with me we need more space is what this is this table's too small accidental footsies will not be tolerated especially I'm bare I'm like one of the aid Brothers dude I take a Brothers in a music video I'm going to take off my shoe and socks so if you do it again it'll be really gross don't do it don't take off your shoes and suck it sometimes your feet
stink dude you know every now and then you rock the wrong shoes too many days in a row I slept with my shoes on last night so you might be right I I I heard you slept in your car is that correct yeah I passed out in my car for a little bit of time were were you driving then P out you just par by remember I just woke up by the way that's so illegal you you should never do that you should just get a hotel somewhere because if you're asleep in your car and you even if you have no intention of driving drunk and if a cop knocks on your door you're going to jail but what if you're in the back seat going to jail really you can't sleep in a no no what about all these Comics that always tell you that like oh I was sleeping in my car the first few years they got lucky they're all doing something illegal well not they're not necessarily doing something illegal I mean you know I bet there's places you could park where no one's going to Care well we can go to rest stop that's what rest what I'm saying is if you're drunk if you're drunk and you're in your car you're sleeping in your car they don't care that you had no intention to drive drunk they still they're they're going to they're going to [ __ ] arrest you if you're hammered or you're in your car I I don't drink drive because I'm not a citizen the day I am yeah we haven't even started yet go to on it.com learn everything details blah blah blah enter in the code name Rogan save yourself 10% off or all orders done thank you very much ladies and gentlemen the Great Jim Jeff The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day ladies and gentlemen this podcast unfortunately started about 15 minutes ago and we just decided to let you in on it now for the past 15 minutes Jim Jeff and Brian hi have been laughing up a [ __ ] storm you you silly [ __ ] I feel like we've used all the best stuff to be honest with you yeah I feel like we we you know we got out to a good it's like if you go to the gym and you lift first thing you do is too heavy you can [ __ ] up the rest of your workout right Brian mhm yeah Brian knows what's up Jim Jeff I I personal trained very occasionally with a person train well no I get personally trained by a guy who gets very disappointed in me Kenny Kane
oh yeah who was a comedian as well oh he's a comedian SL Personal Fitness guy yeah oh that's cool how do you become a personal gu do you have to have a degree in like Kinesiology I don't know but he trains lots of famous people so he must have something going on yeah I guess so for me to be convinced but personal training is just it's just it's only useful to lazy people you know what I mean like because I give up really quickly it's just the guy I just need a person it could be a fat person standing there going keep going come on come on you've got another one in you like go all right then cuz if I buy myself a very low threshold for any type of activity really but you make yourself go to the gym like yeah I don't want to be I don't want to be morbidly obese no my mother's a huge fat woman I have fat jeans I I fight against that I don't want to be a a fatty yeah well you keeping it together yeah yeah I'm I'm yeah I'm always on the brink but uh yeah it's tough to be disciplined you know it's tough to force yourself to do [ __ ] that's not pleasant but you're you're very good at it but you enjoy it right I feel like I need it I don't I don't like the way I function when I don't work out I don't like the way I think I don't like the you know my thres threshold for getting annoyed at things gets too high you know I'm too tense I think physically the way you physically feel it affects the way you interact with people and I think you almost have a duty you know to try to keep your [ __ ] in line at least enough so it's not [ __ ] up on you so you're annoyed all the time when you're around people cuz that's what you run into a lot of like really cranky [ __ ] people you know what that is that's that's an person with a really unhappy body that's an unhappy I'm of the opinion that if if you let yourself go too much you do become a burden on others it's all right if you get like it's cancer or something like that I think I think the more fat it's more comfortable there's some but there's some dudes where you you see them wle in and you're like come on man you know someone's got to pull you aside like you got this has got to stop how do you not have anybody that couldn't have talk some sense to you at I guess the pull is just too strong man no my mother's a a huge woman how big H at her
Peak would have been over 300 lb jeez but also also bring in hoarding oh yeah also like I didn't know it was the condition that TV show changed my [ __ ] life man that's my childhood wow I was watching it like yeah hoarder man oh my God every single one of our bedrooms after we moved out me me and my two brothers those bedrooms would just fill up with [ __ ] just afterwards Jesus Christ now when when you when you look back did you what did you think was going on when you were a kid um I just my mother called herself a collector you know how these people call themselves collectors if they just hoard one particular thing but it was it was porcelain dolls W creepy Victorian looking God [ __ ] dolls all around you hundreds and hundreds of them just staring at you while youever do mushrooms and look at them no oh my God terrifying oh my God that would not be sweet there was one that used to stare at me that ID had to put a towel over its head every time I was watching TV otherwise I couldn't wow be comfortable watching TV that's how my grandmother was was that in those little paper weights that were like look like Globes or something like that everywhere like snow when you shook them and there's snow inside of them some them but some of those but also those big marble ones that looks like you just have a huge marble I've never understood the piper white mark I've probably had in my life maybe 10 paper weights I don't think I've had 10 and but I've never had a bit where I've like my paper's been so out of control I just I just shut Windows you know what I mean like I'm a window shutter I I see that as an easier fix than just paper blowing everywhere or and plus there's so many outside like in your yard if you really needed something to W something down this is one a book is one anything's one like these people who who made us think that it's an actual invention that like we'll build an actual glass object with a spindly thing in the middle yeah and then everybody else was like oh [ __ ] we got to get involved with that market right God damn we got to jump on that Globe Mark I wonder I wonder if it's painted where patented you you say patented could be patented yeah that's what we did I say painted that how you would say it is that austr I think that's how I
would say it but I still think that's the wrong way to say it in my accent I just think it was me speaking like a [ __ ] I don't think it was I don't think it was anything to do with being Australian it's so bizarre how similar Australians are to Americans even though like you know you guys have a a different accent you know the accents a little little odd for us you know I think we're s more similar to the British personally you are as well but I mean it's it's amazing how you go there what by the way uh the way I mean it it's like you just could fit right in the the accent melts after a day and that's just what people sound like and it seems like you're in America I mean well I don't notice the American accent now on anybody at all it's only when I have to do an audition and they make me do the American accent that I get a bit shitty with the whole thing oh do they do that they you they make you change your voice yeah and like I [ __ ] that one audition I got a couple of call backs and then I said the word uh I said I said I went to the zoo and I saw her zebra I still said zebra in who who listen to the way he just said that I still said it in an American accent but with British cing and they freak the [ __ ] out I need to hear more of this American Voice that was a creepy voice dude why why is that so creepy what what are we going to do for dude that is creepy as [ __ ] you talking with an American Voice that is creepy like I say that I'm sort of I wouldn't say synonymous with but I say [ __ ] a lot on stage and people always want me to say [ __ ] like when they have photos afterwards and it talk americ right now in my accent if I say [ __ ] it's it sounds great but even when I say [ __ ] as an American I go ooh well that's a bit harsh dude you sound like a totally different human when you put on that American accent look at that [ __ ] [ __ ] over there come on never think that's Jim Jeff there's no way I would think that's you I know but that's the thing is if you called me up that would freak me the [ __ ] out I'm tell you right now don't do that just cuz I sound gay is that the no it doesn't sound gay at all Jo it's J I just want to speak to you very quickly we have a few problems here right now it sounds vaguely [ __ ] up like you you're
you it doesn't sound right it sounds really good though it's so close to like a real person but yet not I'm like there's something affected about this do an accent Joe I want to hear you in an accent do a see you do can't do it you kind like a like a fight I don't know how to do it that actually wasn't bad went over there Joe say we don't say [ __ ] we don't we I do more English well Mine mine's 50/50 cuz I lived in England for 10 years but we don't say the words we say the word shrimp no this is like Americans call prawn shrimp we call them prawns right Paul Hogan does that [ __ ] commercial where he goes all right we'll throw another shrimp on the barbie for you like that right and now that's like synonymous with the strains when that's not even a word we say I have people yell that out of American gigs like when I'm on stage going do the shrimp thing like what the [ __ ] off man isn't it weird how many like crazy personalities have come out of Australia like the crocodile hunter Paul Hogan crocodile dunde yeah he was out Diana yeah crocodile he lives around here somewhere yeah Kangaroo Jack they only did a couple of those crocodile dundes though and then they were done I would have thought that could have been like some Indiana Jones type [ __ ] no no they did third you haven't seen the third one's appalling the third one's always straight to DVD and it's and it's like okay cuz the whole idea was the Crocodile dundi went from Australia in the outback of to New York and like what the [ __ ] he going to do this is such a different place he can survive out there but he can't survive here so that happened for the first two films then for the third film you think let's send him to another country like Britain or somewhere else that's different it's Crocodile Dundee in La now the thing is he's been living since the last Cod dunde film he's been living in New York for over a decade and then he gets to LA and he doesn't know what's going on like it's too alarming for him like what are all these people wearing sungl glasses for this is weird jeez these women's breasts are too big like it's it's not a great film and in the end he becomes an animal trainer uh
for the movies and he foils uh robbery an animal actually now I look back on it it's a great film I didn't give it I didn't give it a chance just a PR just a sheer Ridiculousness he's still with Linda Kowski who he married from the oh from the movie which the thing is Paul Hogan was married to a real fat woman called nolene Hogan who was just this big fat woman right and he had five kids with her and then he does the Croc which he had before he was famous then he did Crocodile Dundee and he started dating Linda Kowski and the Australian public were like oh what's he done to his wife but now he's been with that bird for 25 years so you can't really get into him as much he started dating an a bird no you know how British that's you know Bri you know Silly Goose Beetle song Blackbird yeah is about Rosa Parks wow cuz Paul McCartney was going isn't that good what that Blackbird did there it was pretty good wow wow so Bird's like a person or a girl a girl just a girl any girl yeah like normally if you say this is my bird or those birds look nice you wouldn't it's normally about an attractive woman be called a bird yeah would you ever [ __ ] a real bird it oh jeez Like an Eagle I wouldn't feel bad about it I'll answer the question what bird would I [ __ ] if I was going to [ __ ] a bird if you had to [ __ ] a bird yeah it would be it would be something with long legs so I didn't have to squat or anything like that a peacock well then you could just hold the bird and [ __ ] it but I'm thinking like an emu or an ostrich or a flamingo prob flamingo pink and then I'd be pretty comfortable that Flamingo that was M Flamingo smell like [ __ ] when you walk past the flamingo thing you would totally lose your boner but they can bounce on one leg smells so bad though they have a long NE to choke just like they live in the uh at the LA Zoo it's like a [ __ ] pool just a pool of bird [ __ ] I bird does La have a zoo I didn't yeah yeah there's LA Zoo I thought the big one was in San Diego and the LA didn't really the difference between a bird and a mammals I would feel bad if I [ __ ] a mammal like if I [ __ ] a dog I'd be like oh sorry dude I'd feel bad [ __ ] cuz I like animals but a dog's not a mammal is it sure of course I thought we were mammals yeah it's a anamals are
warm blooded furry creatures oh I get mixed up all right so whales aren't fish right they're actually but I still don't I don't give a [ __ ] it's a fish whales are actually mammals yeah they got a blow hole yeah isn't that nuts did you say bow hole blow hole they breathe air too they also have a ble isn't it funny that nothing that breathes water is smart isn't that kind of cool everything free water stupid except for like octopus they think octopus is are geniuses that's what they reckon yeah yeah they think they're kindest smart which is like when you eat like a baby octopus salad or something that's why people don't want to eat dolphins cuz they're Geniuses but now right eating like little fetus Siz that's pretty dangerous place to go with the octopus well it's pretty dangerous to lack up dolphins and killer whales that's even more dangerous CU that's something that we know they're talking to each other we know they have a complex language we don't give a [ __ ] yep whatever fish it's such a confined space for them it's terrible not only that there's a thrill in killing things there's a look people get a a charge out of being a hunter gatherer like people that go hunting when you go fishing and catch a fish there's like a primal like release that you get from that and that's like it's it's natural it's like a part of like the reward system that Nature's put in place to make sure you carry on so they have all these Raging Raging hormones inside of them and all these Killer Instincts to take things out they're supposed to be killing [ __ ] left and right they're [ __ ] killer way they're these gigantic monstrous animals and they don't kill [ __ ] Dolph Dolphins aren't into killing just little fish dolphins kill themselves they they kill little Dolphins they kill baby dolphins they Dolphins murder each other it's fun to grab onto their fin though he mhm I like to touch them we we romanticize it but the the the world underwater is cruel as [ __ ] you know killer whales eat dolphins and dolphins regularly eat babies they kill baby dolphins they do no no they would help baby humans which is funny they so would killer whales they just murdered babies all the time yeah the only the only whales that have been documented there's been rumors about people killed by
killer whales the only whal whales that have been documented is killing people the ones that are in captivity they they actually help people in the wild they never kill in the wild yeah but that's the same thing stingrays how many sting raiser killed people before [ __ ] Steve Owen came involved some I'm sure it's like four or five really right something real low number God you just can't [ __ ] with something like that well the thing is that's why they go I will never release the footage out of respect cuz they know he wasn't patting it going isn't this a lovely thing look at this you know he was grabbing the tail going look at that that could kill you and he's pointing it up to me you know he's my God could you imagine if he did if that's really what was going on do you think that they would owe the American public or the public the worldwide public rather do you they would owe them that just for just to to know that do this yeah don't do this these little it was it wasn't even for his show it was for his daughter's show for like the Disney Channel or whatever and his daughter was on the boat and then just God they reckon he would have lived if they didn't pull it out it would have blocked everything in if they left it in they would have lived in time but he he pulled it out oh Jesus [ __ ] Christ but I went swimming with with stingrays about a month later like hundreds and hundreds of them down in Antiga no one letting [ __ ] idiots like me in the water so they're obviously a pretty Placid animal I don't know if they're all the same species I think there's a bunch of different kinds of stingrays too I don't I don't know what he was [ __ ] with yeah well the thing is some of them only like very few of them had poisonous Stingers but he didn't it wasn't that it was poisonous it went through his heart you know everybody it was he's a weird weird guy because like everybody really loved that guy apparently it was a super nice guy like everybody loved him he put all his money back into conservation and stuff like he was a very charitable man as well but there were people that looked at some of the [ __ ] he did and were Furious like when he was holding his child while feeding a crocodile yeah that was good that was the most ridiculous [ __ ] I
think I've ever seen a person do and he had the little baby running away I kind of like that though I didn't like that I I didn't like that at all that's ridiculously cocky just because that thing has never jacked you before doesn't mean it can't right now if it just decides it needs more than that chicken are you really confident of what its [ __ ] diet's been for the last couple of weeks yeah true and it is the baby is size of a big chicken they would be happy to eat you there was a bunch of kayakers that were going through um some [ __ ] River and uh one of them got taken out by a crocodile so a real recent thing was in like was it a New York Times article or something like that but the from the perspective of the other two guys that were kaying and a [ __ ] crocodile came and jacked them you imagine you the the position you would what it would feel like to be on a kayak and just get taken out by a giant dinosaur just something that was alive a 100 million years ago it looked exactly the same well they reckon the big difference between crocodiles and alligators is uh crocodile search for food and alligators sit and wait really so an alligator was sit in a swamp in Miami and just until until something stupidly look like a rock until something swims by where a crocodile just wakes up in the morning going I'm going to [ __ ] catch something so you can't [ __ ] with them as much because they won't leave you alone they're very aggressive there was a um a Park in Florida where they raised crocodiles and alligators together and when they and there's only crocodiles left telling you when you can when the COC when they were feeding them the crocodiles running over the heads of the alligators to get the food it was it was ridiculous you just looked at it you went whatever that thing is [ __ ] that thing the alligate is uh the [ __ ] of the crocodile allig Community clearly yeah I lived in Florida I was around alligators all the time when I was a kid I lived there for a couple of years I have no problems with alligators as long as they didn't bother me Lake Alice but they would snatch dogs every now and then someone would [ __ ] up and walk their dog too close to the shore and they would snatch it it's scary [ __ ] when you hear about some little old lady
and her [ __ ] dog gets yanked away from her imagine what that is for her her little buddy you know she's walking I just moved into the hills you probably got it around here as well but people are telling us not to have a dog because [ __ ] Mountain lies will come and eat your dog just in the Hollywood Hills it can happen it's rare it can happen you know more likely if you have a small dog it's coyotes coyotes are dangerous they'll snatch dogs from people too they've done that many times they're they're they're tricky [ __ ] and they also will gang up on people or on well they have't people a girl died last year in Toronto or outside of Toronto some um artist she was uh I think it's Toronto some somewhere in Canada I'm sorry uh I thought it was Toronto it might not have been but it was somewhere in the woods she's going for nature walk she was 19 years old a singer apparently she was like a really good singer at a music contract she got jacked by a bunch of coyotes was she was she good-looking yeah that's a shame killed by dogs basically big wild crazy dogs my girlfriend just gave me a look when I made that joke she didn't like that Jak wow cuz uh the implication was that ugly people should be allowed to die that's not pleasant that's no that's not I'm not saying they should die I'm just saying that if you're going to save one out of the two Sav the pretty one yeah of course of course do you ever do that before you go on planes before I go on a plane I sit there and I try to work out who I want to live and who I want to die when it crashes like like I sit there going whose company am I most comfortable with in this group it's not always the pretty ones who live sometimes it's just the person with a warm sort of look to them you know I always think to myself you just decide like some Grand just like Hitler I just sit there I just I just sit there going live live dead dead dead dead dead alive like I wipe out whole families cuz I don't want anyone mourning or crying right so if one of your family goes you all [ __ ] go yeah that means every time you wante one of the hot daughters you have to get the whole family then right yeah because then she yeah I suppose yeah keep a hot daughter cuz she'll need comforting I I always
picture me it's always going to be like on a snow Crest and Hill or something but I only really fly domestically Across America it's not going to be that bad did you see that Liam Nissa movie where they're in the pl I've heard it's great I haven't seen it but I heard CH down the gray yeah it's not bad man it's unrealistic like cuz the Wolves don't really behave like that but it's uh it's pretty interesting when you you hear about people that actually have been killed by wolves it's a lot more than I thought it was what do you mean some chick got killed last year in Alaska by wolves and I thought wow that's probably really rare I bet that's only happened like once in a hundred years no no it happened a lot it used to happen a lot people used to get killed by wolves it was like a total normal part of life there's all these documented cases of people killed by wolves that's why Peter and the Wolf was such an entertaining program back then yeah well the big bad wolf what is the big bad w why is that the you know why is you know goes to Grandma's house and there's a big bad wolf waiting cuz wolves were [ __ ] real man like if people lived especially in parts of Europe you know especially in Russia like they got wolf problems man wolves are scary they scare the [ __ ] out of them any animal really yeah any animal for sure but wolves I can scar from Bugs man sometimes they're just disgusting we talked about this yesterday I had scabies once that's gross that that'll do your heading scabies oh my God I read about a dude from 1920 or whever the [ __ ] it was he was up in Canada trapping and he killed four wolves by shooting them and then like eight more by clubbing them to death with his rifle before a rifle butt broke and then they killed him god wow damn our wolves scary Bears though i' be more terrified I've still never seen a bear in the wild I have I'd like to see that I've seen Bears it's it's interesting I want that as a ringtone it's a weird feeling you what do you want as a ringtone you need to sell that as a ringtone [ __ ] [ __ ] man you sell that for a dollar you just made $50 million no not that much I bet I make 20 bucks though yeah wol scare the [ __ ] out of me that's real whatever wol wolves how is that possible that I I created whatever Tom marero is crazy
that's the Xanax whatever wolves are scary that's the ring it's the dubstep remix of whatever wolves are scary that's that's awesome powerful Jim Jeff powerful that's what you text me is this a new thing powerful powerful's been around for years no but if you say powerful or is this what Americans say I've been saying it for years and uh Burke Cher says it and Duncan Trussell says it everybody says it over there that says powerful yeah yeah yeah we we you know what it all um my friend L pretty strong I ganked it from my friend Larry Larry used to say it was his he would say powerful and he would do a head slap powerful oh yeah yeah remember was was that Larry from the three St no no no no all my zits on my he would be like like all this too much information's coming in I audition for that three stoes movie man did you really oh [ __ ] one of the stupidest the guy who went in before me was the guy who got it oh like uh but to play Mo and everyone else was in the waiting room in outfits like really putting effort in and I hadn't put a lot of effort in and I it was like you had to do one of these slapping type of scenes oh no yeah yeah yeah all by yourself oh no and there's no one there to slap and it was one of those things where where like you know like they they never tell you that you've done badly but they they also they don't tell you your agent they go oh he was okay with we're going different way cuz they don't want to have that conversation with the needy agent either and so but they told my agent that I was I was woeful that I was really really bad you were woeful I know I was you ever use that word woeful no well that might have be my phrasing there but I was I was pretty bad if you don't have anyone to slap though does it look like you're just shoo butterflies or something I was doing a little bit of like where you act like you're slapping at your hand and then like and doing the poking thing without KN one to poke with no one with me and and just I'd watched like two stes films that afternoon just to get me in the mood I was only meant to watch one but I kind of enjoyed it so I watched another one you know what you should have done you should have come on the in the audition wearing a complete green suit
one of those green screen suits and the little balls all over you how could they expect you to to do that kind of improvisation with no person there well the guy who got it was the same guy who played Robin Williams in a bio TV show about him like a and BC midday movie type of thing right oh so he's like a good impressionist he must be a good impressionist that's all I can tell but he had he had the wig and everything and he was in theing room he was all ready for it how weird is it that they're bringing back the Three Stooges man that's officially out of ideas if they bring back Aban and Castello yeah snook is in the preview that's what yeah well at least AB yeah if they brought back Aban and Castell man really how could you do that those were two actual people I'm going start with the three stud except they kept on replacing Mo with the other one Shem or Shel or whatever he yeah but I always felt like they were characters Shel was I always felt like like AB saying their name name really wasn't Shimp that guy's name really wasn't curly yeah you never got to bring back LS and mtin all yeah exactly that's exactly what I'm saying yeah it seems like uh the characters you could bring back the character curly and have another guy play it maybe you know and get away with it there there was another Stooges pick wasn't there where they had uh the guy from The Shield playing oh god oh Michael chicklas played it Jes and it was it was a it was a it was a miniseries a three day miniseries and it was uh produced by Mel Gibson cuz he's a big Stooges guy that was a great show the shieldo that was a great one of my favorite cop shows man this oh yeah that was a it was probably the most realistic cop show ever I I saw this is how realistic it was I saw the remember the guy they had like the real sort of weird bug eyes who was only killed his wife and the kid at the end like he's the main character his best mate who kept [ __ ] up and [ __ ] up but he's a bit of a psychopath would just kill people I saw him at Whole Foods like 4 days ago and I got a little bit little chill like me oh been not go him he's actually had that oh I wonder what he's in for he's probably going to kill someone that that'll suck well he was a perfect guy for that role too I mean he
looked like that guy like a dangerous thick looking crazy [ __ ] cop that would shoot you and make up a story about it and pass a lie detector test yeah he was good man that was a good [ __ ] show it really is weird though seeing people that you see on TV in real life though like I I saw the the guy from L the other day day at the dingon show uh the guy that was also in Lord of the Rings the Irish guy the Irish guy that died I'm just sitting there going dude he died you know like like he's a ghost Charlie's here Charlie's at comedy store you silly [ __ ] yeah because they all died didn't you watch the last episode they were all dead all dead the whole his um his I loved his uh story arc though that was a cool story arc you know him being in that band getting hooked on smack it was it was fun yeah that was a cool story it was a good storyline it was fun and he started banging that bird it was the lead out of it that was pretty good for him because he was a in real life because he was a hobbit before that yeah and that's a big leap that what huge leap Lily that that girl is [ __ ] pretty a Kate guy I like the Kate girl oh Kate's [ __ ] pretty too she got her teeth fixed what wrong with Kate what's wrong with her teeth I don't know she had a little Gap in them so like a little Gap leave that Gap pretty girl let me kiss that Gap yeah don't worry about that Gap I'm trying to think of Hot G hot Gap women throughout all hot man I like a little Gap like it yeah who's some hot Gap women Madonna in a day was a hot gapped women I find Bon hot chicks with flaws are the best heart but with like one little nagging weird like web feet if you had Webb feet one nagging thing you don't want to just be like missing a tit you want it to be if you had web feet would you separate that [ __ ] or would you just go Aquaman I would take pity out I would show it to people if it was just like one web toe like a big toe to the next one just on one foot I would rock it out what is that what is the web feed about I don't know but what's the percent Jesus Christ feet are webbed in the womb and they they that's the last thing that happens to the body isn't it the toes separate and the hands separate and I think it's just the that last
little bit didn't didn't happen that's interesting what's the percentage of the small toe being [ __ ] cuz I I have you know my both of my pinkies are pretty much [ __ ] like there's something wrong with it my little toe you know what do you mean well everyone's little toe crooked it looks like a pigtail and then like the tone the nail doesn't really grow I tell you let me see but you know you told me that you slept in those so I'm going to say no I'll I'll have a look at it give me give me give me a little toe give me I always find it weird when you see those girls who keep this cuz I don't keep my toe nails that well clipped I imagine I do a fair job but nothing remarkable and but when you that girl that's clipped her nails so much that she just has that like little toenail that's not like it's a Slither like a millimeter that's what mine is yours is and then the girl still bothers to paint it oh that's so gross she still paints that little bit just over the top it's it's like when you see like a girl put red lipstick on and she smears it little or something that is kind of weird that little Phantom last toenail so you don't have the Nile you just have the sliver I have the sliver sometimes it doesn't even grow you ever think of just taking it off and just being done with it yeah what's the use of it what's the use of any what the [ __ ] is up with these nails man that's the weird thing these things that grow well hand Nails hand nails are useless right they yeah they're useful they they're good for Clon but they're so weak we just don't know how to use them yet but your toenails useless [ __ ] and they're stronger than the hand ones do you think that caveman had like much stronger fingernails from like if you were jacking things with your nails all the time would they get thicker would they grow musle course no if you grow them long they get real thick at the back when you look at these Guinness Book of Records stuff they can't cut them because if they once they get so long it joins their blood flow and [ __ ] whoa when they start when they start curling and stuff hold up son it joins your blood flow yeah when they when I'm talking when they get like yeah then they get there and they start curling and curling they reckon these people have to have special surgery because
they can't just cut them the basic oh my God that's that's become an extension of you more Jes [ __ ] Christ you're a tree yeah you're a goddamn nail tree wow that's supposed to turn into your trans like what if that was supposed to do that for a reason like you're were supposed to grow not that big and it's supposed to turn into like a time machine that's always that's always the theory of evolution it's like whenever something new is on the human body we cut it out we go we don't know what this is we're cutting it out what if this person is just the most evolved person and like an iPod's growing out their arm or something what if he cut his nails off and then he has like the Phantom nail itch he feels them touching things they're not there anymore it feels like you know like he amputated his hand that guy had like nerve damage because of that the guy in the Guinness book a world oh there's there's a whole lot of them that are into it yeah Jesus Christ you got to India you see a lot of [ __ ] like that just India is weird man you just see India is weird India is just a weird place like it just there's a lot of people right so anytime you get a lot you got a billion people think how many weird people in America with 330 million go to India got a billion it's a lot more weirdness that can that can carry on yeah I would imagine it's like that's why I always think that America gets a bad repap because Australians and British are always going on about how idiotic amans Americans are it's just that you get to publicize yours more Americans aren't any more stupid than the British or Australian yeah well there's stupid people all over all all over the world but you have more of them because you just per capita you have more of them it might be that but it ALS might be this is a there's this is a country that's lived in prosperity for so long there's a lot of soft-minded folks who haven't had to they haven't had to question the way things are really running they haven't had to investigate things they've sort of sat back and let let everything sort of happen it wasn't until recently I think that people are finally starting to realize that you you really can't do that you can't just trust the government because they can't be trusted they
they're they they run a muuk there's a lot of people though that haven't done that yet don't they they reckon that only 40% of all Americans have passports though that's the one that I always find upsetting it's incredible Australians to be at least 90% of my passports because it's isolated country but there's a bit of you that goes well maybe that's because in America you you can go to Disneyland it's already there you know like we're all coming on holidays over over to see your [ __ ] you've already got all your [ __ ] and it's very nice yeah I don't know this is a strange country man they're all strange I me George Bush did have a passport until he was President that's amazing isn't it yeah President 50 yeah never had a [ __ ] passport and he's and he the most powerful man in the world and never traveled he just traveled under different names he's a fascinating dude I would love to drink with George Bush and just find out what the [ __ ] he really thinks about things could you imagine I I have a friend who and I can't say his name cuz he's a a fairly famous actor well I have a friend who shagged one of these girls oh Jesus dude you just open up a can of [ __ ] you just opened up a can of [ __ ] they're going to find you and they're going to waterboard your ass until you give up that dude we're already dead for real man you can't just come on our show and do that I just like talk a lot of we we know that people have [ __ ] these Daughters of course no way dude that's not what I heard I just want to know if he's ticklish if he's George W bet I bet he is what do you think actually happened to him when he had that black eye and he said he ate a pretzel and choked and blacked out and fell down I believe exactly that's what happened I can see him eating a pretzel and freaking out tripping I think that's what happened as well because you would make up a less idiotic lie I think his dad his dad put a a a [ __ ] leather glove on yeah SL and beat his ass while he was eating a pretzel yeah maybe he started talking some [ __ ] like well who's the president now is it me or you it used to be you right yeah but it's me now right yeah okay cool I just want to know I'm the president you did you did one term right yeah I'm on my second
yeah and this [ __ ] just put on a leather glove tickled and and Herbert Walker George senior was the head of the CIA that dude was no joke it probably interrogated him so you got to say he fell on a so do you like either of them or you both of them like did you like them were they good guys in your mind well not based on anything they ever did with the world I mean I don't know them personally I think Jr would be a cool guy to hang out with he just seems like he's a bit of a laugh I bet he I bet if you could really pick that guy's brain if you know if you were given access to his memory banks I bet it would be quite fascinating cuz I bet that's a guy who's just a puppet just a [ __ ] happy guy who is a you know a guy part of a big influential family and I think they just told him what to say and he went out and said it what look like imagine could you imagine what's he doing now you see Clinton all the time Clinton's always doing stuff George hasn't done nothing since he's left he's probably watching us on CH just got a new heart you know they just gave him a new heart a like the Tin Man yeah man he got a heart transplant apparently before that he had a machine hooked up like some sort of a pump in his body so he didn't have a pulse no no it's more complicated whatever it did it didn't he didn't have a pulse pul anymore this thing sort of helped him pump the blood and like if you try to do his pulse he would have no pulse but he was alive what yeah but why wouldn't you wouldn't you still have a pulse no apparently not cuz it wasn't pumping in a pulsing way it was just pumping in a stream it was like you know what I'm saying by that it wasn't going through it was just flowing exactly I think that's the that's what I would guess but being an idiot and know nothing about medical science I like the thing that it's one of those things I use on a fireplace to put I like it's one of those things that you siphon petrol with gasoline is that the problem I guess that the pump though is the actual heart muscle working you know the pump is the actual heart muscle pushing it out if the heart muscle is not working and this pump is doing so is it an artificial heart is that what it is whatever the [ __ ] it was he didn't have
a pulse because of this thing he had a h and then they opened them up hearts are weird [ __ ] yeah I know I don't know how they've become synonymous with love they're the grossest [ __ ] things well there's a reason for it and the the reason they recently discovered and this is uh just I think within the last couple years that there's at least as many neurons in the heart as there are in the brain so youing you talking about that theory about where someone gets a heart transplant I've heard these stories someone gets a heart transplant and then all of a sudden they can speak [ __ ] French no we give too much credit to the brain and that other organs can do [ __ ] well that's you know I don't know if that's real or not I don't know if anybody's ever come back from an organ transplant and and given a depiction of the person's life but if you were going to do it from any organ transplant I would say the heart's not a bad candidate because of all the neurons in it see they don't know where the [ __ ] your memory comes from memory is a mystery because every cell in your body is replaced every seven years your cells all get replaced like there's a new I thought they knew the space that it's stored or you're saying here's the issue go those cells those brain cells they regenerate they all all of them every what what doesn't though is neurons neurons apparently you keep for life you they know like what part of the brain hurts like if you hurt part of the brain they know like where memory is stored based on people getting injuries to specific locations of the brain like how their brain you know how they you know like they know like like front frontal lobotomies you know they figured that out they knew like where they could do to zombie you out they found the right spot where the dude by the way won the [ __ ] Nobel Prize the guy made Lotto won a Nobel Prize like they thought he was awesome like dude way to go Hitler was times Man of the Year you silen these retards you [ __ ] drill a hole in their head and scoop out their brains I was like shock therapy yeah that's pretty crazy yeah when you ever see that [ __ ] I I had a a very close relative go through that when when they were younger really yeah the right down on the right down on the rubber stick
and the [ __ ] we're going to [ __ ] like this whole idea that we're going to kill the psycho out of you with electric like that's and that was happening right up until the'80s in Australia shock therapy oh my God and that's that's like so close to when they like bleeding and using leeches in medicine like to go oh yeah we just electrocute people well it's electricity seems so cool and so powerful it's like well let's just hook him up to that [ __ ] see if it fixes yeah this guy's schizophrenic this will help could you imagine what that must [ __ ] feel like and fighting it because you're already a bit mental and then the nurse is holding you down when you think about doing this how did it start off did they do it on mice first and then like wow that Mouse is crazy and then they shock him like oh it's not it's not moving around much anymore that one's more doile She Blinded Me with that's funny yeah how did they figure that out some crazy [ __ ] they started on humans it just doesn't seem right like the same Nobel prize winning [ __ ] scrambling people's [ __ ] we look back like cuz bleeding has got to be the most stupid of them all right when you're really sick they cut all your blood out and dripped it into Bowls because they thought they're getting when you needed your blood more than ever right yeah are we going to in 50 years go you they used to give these kids that couldn't breathe these little puffers that made it worse and gave them you know is there going to be things from now that way you're going to look back at and go that was [ __ ] Madness well chemotherapy seem like Madness there'll be well you know what'll seem like Madness prescription drug abuse when they find out how many different people are hooked on all sorts of different painkillers see that's a real American thing I I never in Britain it's where I've taken most of my drugs no I never met anyone that wanted I never knew what an oxycotton was until a couple years maybe your government is better at uh filtering the stuff and doesn't you have socialized medicine that's that's difference right there it's probably not as easy to get see in America it's real easy to get that stuff all you have to do is be injured the pharmaceutical drugs are you know really you know they've helped a lot of people
a lot of people have benefited for sure from from discoveries that you know have in kept people alive that would have been dead a lot of like really cool things have been discovered but there's also a a lot of money in pharmaceutical drugs sure and whenever there's a lot of money and something and that something just happens to be addictive and then the money starts pouring in well they get addicted to that money you you can't tell a pharmaceutical company that loses you know 8 10,000 people a year to whatever the [ __ ] they're selling you can't tell tell them that you're you can't you can't sell that stuff anymore you got to stop everyone in America has this little thing like we we obviously with our jobs fly a lot and whenever I get on a plane like I speak to my management or agents or something I go [ __ ] I don't want to do this flood I can't sleep on planes that was just just take aax easy just take aax and they say it so Blas like you're like no it's and then you think this is what these people are doing just when they're home in bed and they they're tossing and turning a little bit sometimes it's just [ __ ] hard to go to sleep right yeah Xanax this week yeah xana D marero went off about Xanax uh he's he's been taking it for like four or five years talking about it his I don't think so didn't sound like he liked it sound like he needed it sound like he enjoyed it yeah I don't think he likes it yeah I saying yeah no I get completely what you're saying yeah there's a lot of people on that stuff though it's real common you know strange well that's how ha Legend all that ha Legend never was a recreational drug taker at all really but he just got really into like I need my sleep I need my sleep well there's a lot working on sets long [ __ ] days you yeah there's a lot of people yeah those those movie star dudes sound it seems like an easy life but when you're on a set you might have to work 16 hours in a day and you have to put out all that energy a lot of them get sick a lot of them need B12 shots you know it's not easy man especially when you're acting at that level you know that guy was a bad [ __ ] he was a good made out with a dude yeah strong they went out at strong spit have you seen have you seen Life's Too Short yet did I
said what life's too short the new uh Ricky ja TV show no just a show about dwarfs it's funny it's a sitcom about dwarfs and HBO but if you haven't seen it I won't reference basically they make a whole lot of dwarfs go through uh famous uh scenes in movie history and there's a Brokeback Mountain which is just funny to watch with two English dwars going I'm definitely gay oh my word I'm enjoying this but if you haven't seen it I'm not going to talk about I haven't seen it it's on at the moment it's very it's very good what was that video you were showing me earlier U from the bone zone of uh those dudes kissing each other how did people find that oh yeah if you go on uh YouTube it's Randy litkey and Davey Johnson and the the video is called an intimate moment on the bone Zone and that's just from when the podcast we do at DES sad yeah Brendan Walsh who is um I think he's in where is he at somewhere Seattle or something this week oh yeah he's somewhere Vancouver should know oh yeah cuz he asked me to tweet it uh but he's got a podcast on the Des quad and it's called The Bone Zone it's he's a [ __ ] funny dude so anything he's doing yeah so there's like kissing two guys kiss and every episode and so we it's really funny though they're really funny guys Seattle yeah he's so Seattle folks he's uh in Vancouver tonight and tomorrow too so look on Brandon walsh.com oh there you go Brenan I gave you a plug you [ __ ] check this out I asked don don Baris has been locked out of his own Facebook account for four days they a hacker but we were just saying some nice things about Brandon Walsh why have to go negative oh I justy to so what is the see Brenan Walsh no but W is hilarious isn't he yeah Brian shouldn't people go see him yeah yes I thought we were passing I don't really I don't really know him but he sounds very funny but uh somebody took his um [ __ ] Facebook account and changed all his email and stuff and now he can't get back into it and Facebook won't help him at all so like now there's just somebody looking at all his [ __ ] looking all his photos do he have an ex-girlfriend that hates him no somebody hacked his [ __ ] everyone one of those yeah does he have um does he have animes
or people uh you know all that [ __ ] he does with uh scary Perry and all the you know that yeah [ __ ] like that that there might be people that are against that or something yeah if you don't know he they did a movie what is the name of that movie City Heat oh I love this movie yeah yeah yeah I love that film Don Barris is a part of that there is it does get cruel at moments and then you just have to remember that that guy's a bit of an [ __ ] yeah he's a weird guy to be around that's for sure but I mean wow they took it deep I mean they they they made a movie about this guy being famous and he really believed it I mean to me that's like a part of that is like you're picking on mental illness is clearly this guy there's a disconnect between this guy and reality like it's funny sort of but man you're talking about like the ultimate the jokes on you like picking on a crazy person yeah but but one thing it might that's different than that argument is that that the crazy people all want to be Comics or actors so they they know what they're doing that's the thing is we've done we've done Opie and Anthony together a fair bit right and every time I do it I if one of their I say retards one of their crazies that that are on the show sometimes I go home feeling a little bit down about it and then I remember that this they love it that's their lives they've got a level of Fame they they go to these conventions or whatever when op Anthony do things on the road and they get big round of applauses and for them it's very exciting but it is just picking on a mentally ill person yeah but I think there's a way to do it and a way not to do it Don does it right like one of the guys is a schizophrenic Surfer guy and I used to do open mics with this guy and he he's got he's schizophrenic and he's really hardcore schizophrenic but he would do like an act and then like afterwards I would always try to talk to him but he would like look past me you know it was really weird what do schizophrenic inail what has to be wrong with schizophrenic's two personalities right I don't know he's just really it seems like that's not bipolar is not to personal no bipolar is not bipolar is depression that's being up that's being down schizophrenia is you start believing you're someone else go in and out of different personalities
yeah sometimes you can talk to other time you he just looks past you and plus the fact that he smokes weed on top of that is kind of like really weird but uh but he's a real nice guy but as an example that's I I used to do open mics with him and now he's [ __ ] loving doing the ding-dong show okay this is it is um it makes it difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences think logically have normal emotional responses behave normally in social situations yep huh so what's the Dual personality one uh well you can there's I think there's uh well there's people that don't believe in multiple personality disorder they think it's horseshit there are people that think it's horseshit they just want attention yeah yeah I think I don't know I mean met anybody that was a real I've got a friend and he's a good friend of mine sorry say his name but I I have a friend of mine who uh who says that he had a split person personality but it was just whenever he acted like an [ __ ] that was oh that was such and such that just came out and you're like no you were just an [ __ ] you can't just say that you're you when you're good yeah you're you and you're bad as well yeah that's ridiculous um some people have it I guess I guess associative identity disorder they're saying it's real well but there's people who actually change their name and I'm candy now and I have a dog good yeah well you know who did that was um the dude uh Hershel Walker Hershel Walker apparently had like some serious problems with multi oh he's a famous uh football player who's an older guy and he's now competing in MMA he's like he's a when in his time he was like one of the greatest football players of all time a ridiculous athlete and now he's 48 years old shredded just and just destroying people in in mixed martial arts fights and that was his background there's a kid from Australia who got signed up to I I think one of the the big NFL teams yesterday and uh never held an American football that's amazing he played rugby but they they just made him do the tackling stuff and statistically is off the chat straight into the NFL never touched the ball that's incredible yeah the NFL wants super athletes yeah he's
like one of these 6 eight just Powerhouse type of BLS you know Jesus [ __ ] Christ there's some people you get around them you can't believe that's a real person that's a person too like I'm the same as that person with the same species like Shaq you ever me Shack sh there's a guy in you at Jon lomu who's fairly well um like portrayed in um that movie vindictus or whatever about the Rugby World Cup that's the biggest C I've ever seen what is that what's that movie the one with uh Matt damond and uh [ __ ] okay yeah Nelson Mandela I see Morgan Freeman was that good that was pretty good man he did a [ __ ] excellent Nelson Mandela really I like South Africa you ever gigged out there no man I'll hook you up with this guy man he takes big yeah it's [ __ ] great man the People Are Awesome the food's outstanding you just can't walk the streets right it's just one of these things where it's Barb Wire fences and [ __ ] everywhere Jesus how dangerous is it they you lock your guns up in lockers when you're going to the casino like and you'll see like everyone pulling their gun out and just oh my God and there but you just going go through the townships and you don't try not to have sex with anyone for a couple of weeks that's about you know what I mean it's Africa is Africa yeah Hawaii sounds better there was a story about a guy who uh took his girlfriend to Africa and arranged for her to be kidnapped and they kidnapped her and killed her crazy [ __ ] story man that he he got down there and he convince someone to uh to to kidnap her and uh you know he was like going to get the ransom money from like her parents or something like that and they just [ __ ] killed her yeah no Ransom money for death silly silly kidnapping that's one the one story the other story is that he had her killed you know that he wanted to move on to some new girl so he had her killed which is even [ __ ] crazy yeah just break up with them mate how hard can it be you know some dudes just get deep they just get deep into it they they got to get out I got to get out now yeah yeah yeah the only way is for her to die but you can see lions and tigers out there it's pretty exciting what a [ __ ] up thing to do man hire someone to kidnap your chick I always love that
though when you say those news stories I and and it's happened to us so many times when watch newss stories where some mom's like we were driving along and this black man with tattoos just open the door and stole my car with my child in it and then you go that car's going to end up in the swamp and you put them in the seat belt and this is going to be awesome right but like but now it makes you suspicious of every person who ever cries on TV you always watch them going yeah you're a killer I always go straight through well when you find out that they are it is the weirdest feeling in the world like especially if you've been supporting them if youve been going that poor lady that poor lady if you feel cheated as the public you're like how many times have women been busted doing that where they didn't know that they were guilty and then they caught them in America a couple times but there's a there's a um there's a case um in the UK which has been going on for [ __ ] ever and what's that um Maddie anyway very very famous Kates in the UK where this where this couple went on holiday in Portugal they were in a resort type thing they left the the kid um uh meline McCain was the name of the little girl and so they left meline McCain in this room they went off and had dinner like 50 m away she was 5 years old they just left her there sleeping when they got back she was gone right now the case has never been open but people are still of the opinion that maybe they did it right maybe they but no one can prove that and then they they're like maybe some pedophile did it maybe some whatever did it but it's uh it it's a real big case like to the extent that last time I went back to Britain they had pictures of her 5 years on computer generated what she'd look like now so to keep keep looking for it like the parents are still like putting it's just so creepy when they do that a fake person I used to do a joke went how long are we going to keep this going for I okay I hope another six years so we can get that hot picture of when she's 16 yeah they start making her like have like thongs on and like like really sex this is how she look now most likely with a collar on her neck yeah that's pretty [ __ ] yeah I want I just put a realistic picture of just some bones covered with
[Music] [ __ ] oh no oh no fun it's fun fun it is yeah you can never do that in any other job and be like you know that was we sat back and we were like wow can't believe he did that but that's pretty [ __ ] funny you know you could you you would get in trouble if you were in upper management somewhere you know and you said that at a board meeting my my my brother can you imagine someone pass the milk and you hold up this thing shouldn't this was this a [ __ ] real thing you imagine you shouldn't this be a pile of bones and come and everybody just or if you're an advertising guy and you just came in with a poster of that my my brother's quite a successful business type guy I don't I couldn't tell you quite what he does but he was entertaining clients on uh on on a boat like esort no they were trying to yeah like very similar to that so he was entertainting clients on a boat like people he was trying to get money out of he developed shopping centers and stuff right so he had this boat this was years this early on in my career and I had like a CD out my first CD and my brother just had it and he goes oh everyone wasn't really getting along so I thought I'd put your CD on and see if I we could pick the mood up of the group he goes you started with a with a Down syndrome joke the [ __ ] guy's kid had Down syndrome and we're stuck in Sydney Harbor and we couldn't go back and he was yelling at me like I [ __ ] these deal up you didn't have to put my CD on no one asked you to put it on not much of a story but it's what we got it's what we got we got to work with it so I guess this this is actually kind of disputed this multiple personality disor some people think it's [ __ ] [ __ ] but a lot of people think it's legit you know that's the one person doing that maybe right imagine typing in none of the different personalities this is [ __ ] I don't know I think Hersha Walker thought it was trauma induced from the years of football which is totally crazy and now he's fighting you know it's like wow like what you're saying that he punched drunk and that's what not necessarily
punch drunk I mean there's I mean he he talks fine he seems to think fine too but there you know a lot of people believe that you could get a lot of things wrong with your brain from repeated trauma and the kind of traa they have on football is like I mean these guys are running at each other and clashing heads and [ __ ] and head to [ __ ] knees and I mean that's there's some serious impact that these guys are withstanding and a lot of them get [ __ ] up because of it I'm pretty sure that's what he was saying was that it was a trauma related um multiple personality disorder that's just is Muhammad Ali they people still go oh we're not sure oh you're sure they're sure if they're not sure they're silly but it's the same as like Rich okay Richard Pry and Dudley Moore both took a lot of cocaine in their days and then they had the same this extraordinarily rare nerve disorder it wasn't just parkks it was like a rare strain of it and people still go oh we don't quite know how this happened and it's like I think I think I know yeah I know another person who did the exact same thing and has the exact same problem yeah yeah yeah it's a that that's it's super super common man well Dudley Moore kept kept it secret for years and everyone because they thought he was just a drunk but he he he was then given up acting and thing he used to go out as a concert penist cuz he was a really good pianist and uh he yeah he used to get halfway he used to get halfway through a song and then just sort of down the microphone everyone going Dudley's drunk again he wasn't drunk he was just [ __ ] heavily diseased wow last three or four years of his career no one you wow that's incredible remember that show that's incredible that was a good show that was a good show was it yeah you watch it today would you buy a DVD it' probably be awesome now if it came out at Best Buy if you went to Best Buy and so that's incredible DVD collection it depends how much it was I would buy it just to see what a time traveling device it would be I bought the Greatest American Hero I got the Greatest American Hero on Netflix the other day cuz I just liked it so much as a kid and I now I watch it I just like the theme song yeah is it is it like that cuz I
remember as a kid I really love that show The Flying is so like so stupid that noise is so stupid that I can't believe I was ever fooled or ever amazed it's like time travel you can go back and see what amused you when you were little and be baffled this is the whole theory on why why kids should not should see gentle porn because gentle porn you know what I mean cu I grew up like with like finding a Playboy magazine and then just batting off to it until I found another magazine that was you know kids today going straight to internet they're going to be [ __ ] do Australian guys find their magazines in the woods as well yeah oh yeah yeah in in in the bush where you find him yeah yeah isn't that incredible and I always used to think that some adults hidden it here but I look back at it no just some other kid hit it there in the part of the simulation it was programmed that way yeah it's almost like it grew there you're supposed to find it I I ative to that environment I remember masturbating so young I was about I was about 7 years old seven and I found this picture my my mother was the only woman in the house I I went through one of her magazines so we didn't have underwear catalog sitting around like a Victoria Secret catalog or something like that would have been good but we I found this picture in my mom's women's magazine it was just this a naked titn it and this magazine never had a naked titin it before right so I cut this picture out I cut this picture out I masturbated to this picture from about 7 till 10: just one TI just this one tit right and I found out at 10: cuz I was watching the news it was a picture of a woman having a mamogram whoa yeah but I didn't know was a kid and I used to think cuz the other tit was in a machine being squeezed down and I was like I was like that must be some sex machine it's amazing that kept your interest for so long yeah I I stole the ler thing out of the Sears catalog for my friends my mom's Sears catalog and I used to keep it and I put it in my like books and like hide it in a book and like pull it out and look at it and masturbate and [ __ ] I remember remember the the laundry you know like in the catalogs the old catalogs you used to have catalogs I remember there being I used to buy porn on video and then when
I went to University and I was like 22 or something like that um they used to keep on sending me the cataloges because I bought a couple of videos years ago and I used to keep them and they were just they were just like little pictures of scenes from the movies they were trying to I never bought anything thing but the cataloges once a month that was a big day and it was free and I was broke you know I was [ __ ] happy have that I always used to keep my roommate one catalog behind so he would get the new month's one after I got my new month's one and it's funny that what you would want then to see naked girls to look at naked girls that people would deny that of you they say you're not ready for that yet I mean that's what it's all about it's about protecting kids but clearly you have these sexual crazy urges and everyone's just in denial about it nope you're only 16 you can't buy a Playboy like you can't even buy a Playboy when you're 16 you can't even just let me see a little titty I don't even need to see a vagina can I just see a lag but they put they put it in movie movies when you're 16 we can I got to commend Britain page on page three of the newspapers there's a topless girl yeah just in the normal normal always right that's good but 16-year-olds can't go to the movies that show tits tits is not you can talk like porkys has a bit of tit nit is p r wouldn't por be R I think back then it was we M which is 16 and up oh yeah maybe that is R yeah mat is that what it is yeah but we have we have r as well but mat's 16 then R's 18 there's uh 17 I think is R isn't that it and nc17 is for you no matter what you can't even go with an adult unless you're 17 my my father's so deprived of being able to see tits and because my mom's such a big Hefty woman and and he just he just but he's still like a horny sort of bloke my dad right so when we were kids if me and my two brothers were sitting watching let's say the movie Labyrinth we were watching like a very innocent puppet related film all at once during the film he'd be other in the house we'd all go oh that look at those tits whoow within seconds my dad would just casually walk out and sit and watch the rest of the film with they come out and go what are what are you watching like this he'd go all the way through the
film and then you go oh are yeah I might watch the beginning of that film I missed what happened in the beginning you trolled him you troll oh that's hilarious and you you let him sit through the whole movie yeah yeah yeah so we'd all go off and play and then he'd have to sit through the first 30 minutes again like oh that's [ __ ] funny just in the Hope because it was going to come it's going to happen you guys should have filmed that that would make a hilarious short film yeah just explain it and now there with a Time code oh we could still search it we could still do it now you should this oh my dude I can see it I it's filmed the light of the TV is what's on him right little time code in the bottom show him 10 minutes later 20 minutes later 30 minutes later look at us that could be hilarious that could be hilarious if you explain it to the camera he found he found some porn magazines I do a routine on this but he found some porn magazines under my my mother found some porn magazines under my bed and she put them in the Benin cuz that's like I know you know you put them in the bin and then she didn't say anything to me she just let me off scott free on it she didn't like get angry or anything so I felt like I got away with it but my porn drawer was empty right and I worked in a news agency so I used to collect them from the bins out the back of the news ageny so I had piles and piles of them I was a paper boy right so I I uh I was in my dad dad's workbench and I was hammering a nail down I look under the bench and there's all my porn magazines they're all doggy and they're like lettuce leaf on them and stuff cuz what happened was my my my dad's got to take he's got to take the bin to the end of the driveway on a Wednesday he opened the garbage bin so all the porn he recovered it all and took it off to his shed where he could masturbate so so I collected it all back up and I took it back to my drawer just cuz you know the circle of life right and and and uh my dad comes I'm in the living room he comes out and goes Jim he goes were you in my garage and I said I and I go yeah and he goes you know have those magazines and I went neither are you and I was about 13 at the stage I
said neither you and he went ah can I have fall right and there was there was an actual moment where I start with my dad and I had a debate when I was 13 over all right you can have a hustler a penthouse a Playboy you know Brian where's your phone it's not my phone is your phone Brian you can't leave your phone by the thing how many times do we have to tell you get that crazy zappity zap [ __ ] airplanes crash manise man you can't leave that [ __ ] right by the MP3 player while you're getting text would you rather kiss Nancy Reagan on the lips or the tit um how how old is she right now oh tit definitely no lips lips I don't want to suck on an old lady titty like a really old like what is she 89 or something I don't know but you could either say you kissed her on the boob or in the lips no i' give how about you not tell anybody give keep that [ __ ] to yourself I'd give a respectful kiss in the mouth yeah respectful yeah and nice you look very nice today Nancy I would also sorry your husband's dead I started uh I tweeted to deepo Chopra today I rarely do but sometimes that dude says [ __ ] that's so ridicul ulous I want to Tweet back to him he goes when you reach pure awareness you will have no problems therefore there will be no need for Solutions and I wrote back if you reach pure awareness and someone kicks you in the balls you still have problems that is true and that's a fact you can put [ __ ] like that on Twitter someone's going to want to kick you in the balls dup chup deep Cho bro who's that how dare you philosopher how dare you how dare you he's some Indian dude it's like some girl type character see that's exact exactly what you say so you can reach pure awareness but your wife still has cancer say you know what I mean but you can be completely aware of it but that doesn't mean the problem's gone well he's saying you have no problems yeah I say he's full of [ __ ] there yeah pure awareness you will have no problems that shit's ridiculous you can't just do what you want to do you have to take care of things that are going your [ __ ] roof has a hole in it guess what [ __ ] you got a problem I don't I don't give a [ __ ] what you're telling me that's a problem you got to get that [ __ ] fixed being aware of it actually
makes the problem worse if you're doing nothing well I will meditate under the dripping water [ __ ] you go get that [ __ ] fixed you ruining your house dummy you got a problem face it deck you're talking nonsense godamn it that's the problem I have with all these dudes they talk a lot of hippie nonsense they they say a lot of [ __ ] that they think that women who just hit menopause want to hear when they really start getting into yoga and just try to find the light and try to find happiness and get into flowers raising flowers that's when he comes in a guy like that can swoop in on that I want to be happy market and just start Ping ponging it back and forth with all these nonsense sentences When You Reach pure awareness you will have no problems [ __ ] stop with that unfollow that guy no I will not I want to I want to hear more craziness yeah yeah it's a really funny uh moment on YouTube where he got uh some some guy who's writing a physics book with Stephen Hawkings like was correcting the things that he was saying the guy was like like you're you're you're saying like you're saying things that don't make sense to me but are correcting Steven Hawkings no no no no the guy who was writing a book with Stephen Hawkins deepo Chopra was trying to explain something to him like Quantum this and Quantum that and so the guy goes yeah I I know what all those words mean but I'm not quite sure what you're saying cuz he's not really saying anything he's just [ __ ] man the infinite The Impossible the consciousness of the quantum Consciousness he just he could just say things like that and you you just leave it up to what well I guess in a some sort of a broad sense he might have made a sentence there and there might be like some point that he has that I can't quite grasp but much more likely it's word salad that's that's designed to sound spiritual word salad that's what it is he threw a bunch of cool words together that tell and this guy called him on it this guy was like it was so brilliant the way the guy said it yeah I know what all those words mean I'm not making that up the way that guy talks you guys don't know who he is I know who he is you know he was he was killed by uh Tupac by biggy biggy yes yeah Biggie killed him biggy killed him my joke
would have worked better if I didn't say Tupac said the guy's name I [ __ ] it up completely it was sug Knight anyway both of them supposedly that's hey can I can I PL my gek tonight it's going to happen in 2 hours I'm at The Canyon Club in Agora Hills Agora Hills so come on down starts in 2 hours it's a great place too go to the barbecue place first it's uh what time does your show there it's almost 7 I think it's like is it an 8:00 start is it oh right show starts when you get there son yeah that's [ __ ] there's one of my favorite comics in UK Canadian comic Tom stage check him out really really [ __ ] funny guy he's opening for you no no no no no he's just a guy who still lives in Britain but he went said that he was when I remember when I was a young comic and I was in a car with him we're going to a gig and I said [ __ ] we're not going to make it we're late we're late we're late for the gig and he went we are the gig and that's that's stuck with me yeah that's what it's up yeah we I've been in many times where we were really close to being late for shows Ari in particular would get very nervous dunin and Duncan would have to open [ __ ] man I gota just just drop me off in front don't even Park I'm like dude it's 8:05 we're good so the show's five minutes late who gives a [ __ ] if they if they're really mad like the audience going to be mad what kind of [ __ ] would be upset at a show starting 5 minutes late things happen I tell you what I went and saw Billy Jing which is how all good stories start right I went to Billy Billy Jolan concert in Sheffield in the north of England and I was in the third row I got the tickets rather late but I don't think he's popular in Sheffield anyway so so uh this woman looks at her watch in front she's sitting next to her husband and she's just got the shits right it's like it's 10 8 the show's meant to start at 8: right and she went this is [ __ ] [ __ ] right and the husband's gone yeah don't worry it'll be fine and she said no we got here on time it's he should get here on time as well and we I thought oh maybe they're missing a friend right she goes over and speaks to security guy and Wednesday's going to start with 10 p8 10 minutes late wow and the security guy is just like [ __ ] off
cuz he doesn't care you know what I mean and then Billy Joel comes out 15 minutes late probably right which is normal time and Billy Joel comes out and then the whole audience stands up and she just sits there and yells out I paid for a seat and then that husband was was just draged away and I I still think to this day that's the biggest [ __ ] I've ever seen and I've only seen about 5 senten before I felt like grabbing that guy going just get out of this leave run you don't need this woman anymore she's horrible you that's the the worst you've ever seen really it was that bad it just just in just a short amount of time where I thought this person's just evil to the yeah intolerable some people don't even realize how intolerable they are but I would think that after shows you see a lot of those right yeah you do photos after gigs do you sure yeah you you ever get that person who just wants to like headlock you or something yes a guy asked me if he can carry me yeah oh I've had that one can I hold you like guys are always asking to choke me that's normal cuz um a lot of Jiu-Jitsu guys come to shows like can I get you in a rear naked but I don't trust anybody man can't just get my back like that son yeah no I I uh I don't get that as much dudes will ask all sorts of weird [ __ ] one guy asked me to bend over in front of him in uh Louisville he goes will you bend over in front and I'll make it like I'm spanking you I go what he goes I'm going to be behind you you're going to bend over and make make it like I'm spanking you I go do you really think that anybody would say yes to that any person you don't know would say yeah go ahead you you I'll bend over like you're having sex with me like that kind of bend over oh yeah yeah yeah please how many times have you taking a photo with a person after gig and you put you I I do the armor around and the smile and the point to the face maybe I got a few poses that I have down the serious one the happy one the yeah so how many times have you like put your arm around a couple of girls and then one of them just grabs your [ __ ] right it does happen yeah yeah they just grab your [ __ ] and like as soon as the photo happens goes honk on it like that cuz they had the cool photo and you sort of go HH thanks more ass yeah you know what I mean like you just like yeah thanks
for that but imagine if a male act did that to a female act just grabed the tit just oh yeah you would be Grabber [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah just went bang finger grab a chit would be like grab guy's ass right that would be the same would it no no grabbing a girl's ass is like grabbing a guy's ass yeah I think if a girl grabs my dick I'm automatically just start fingering her [ __ ] the women that have this confidence are normally like a big Jersey chick with like you know these aren't you know where you're like oh I always feel that grabbing a girl's ass is way worse than a girl grabbing a guy's ass because it's not like she can rape you a guy grabbing a girl's ass is a physic good fighter you're a good fighter you think a lot of girls could rape you oh yeah yeah plenty plenty tons no I think it's happened several times I almost got raped last night actually how dare you bro no I swear to god stop lying there was this girl that was at The Comedy Store everyone there's tons of witnesses of this uh she comes up to me and she's talking to me and she goes oh you're a bartender too and I'm like no I'm not a bartender she and then so she we did did a shot though and then she just [ __ ] comes in and tries to kiss me and I'm like whoa whoa what the [ __ ] and she's like I just got out of rehab 3 days ago I you know I I'm not supposed to be drinking right now I was raped when I was a kid and just started going off on like a million things now you're I'm like so you're hooked so three days out of rehab she's already drunk again is she in your favorites yet no I I hid I was like I have to go to the bathroom and I ran in the main back Green Room main room I'm still creeped out by his American voice that's all I was thinking you I was like this story is not going to have any punchline you're not going to pay this off she's not going to rape you she didn't rape you man she didn't rape you at all no she tried to though but you all she did was give you a kiss no no the whole time she was like trying to like grab you do know it's Sexes and rape is right what it yeah it's more than kiss well I mean not rap she's not trying to throw me on the ground rape me but there's definitely a difference between rape rape that what you're saying I'm not saying real rape do rape like I just
think it's way creepier when a dude grabs a girl's ass it's physical yeah of course of course there is grab your ass and you can't do anything about it and if I want rape you I probably could get away with it if there was nobody around that's what a guy's saying when he grabs a girl I'm trying to think through my mind if I've ever like pinched a girl that I haven't known quite Well's ass as they walk by if you're a person and you're a you know you're like you don't even know this other person and you just reach over and grab a girl's ass and and squeeze it like that that's like a big violation that's like a big violation of space man imagine that was your sister or your daughter imagine if you watch someone do that to your daughter reach over and grab your daughter's ass that's what a what a nasty [ __ ] violation that is and you know you don't think about it cuz to you it's not a guy's daughter it's some hot 20-year-old but meanwhile behind her is her [ __ ] dad and you reach over and grab her ass that [ __ ] happens that's a creepy moment for people man when you realize what what it is when someone just reaches over and grabs you when you don't know them I don't have a daughter so right now it's kind of hot if I imagine my sister or my daughter being really hot and some guy just grabbing it slow can I tell you what I don't have a child either so you can imagine grabbing my daughter's ass fine just whatever she want to make it look like I'm fine as long as it's imaginary Bri what we have is my daughter and your daughter right they're making out they're making out now the two of them oh yeah that's H you guys are going to get us closed down twice in one day hey daughters are making out anti-government talk pedophilia my daughter has a touch of the accent but not quite cuz she lived here but we take her on holidays my my daughter has a yeast infection she has a yeast infection I don't want your daughter near my daughter stop we're going to lose sponsors we're going to lose viewers people are going to commit suicide you guys are having your artificial fake fictional daughters engage in immoral and illegal things and I my daughter's upset now and she's cutting herself she's a cutter are your daughter she's a cutter I can't have that on my podcast she's a cutter she's
not happy what is when did that start when did cutting start I think it's been around for a while but it's always when you make that go you look at the forearms and you're like yeah you know she's going to be good in bed but you yeah I had a buddy who found these marks on a girl like after he dated her for a while and then he like saw one of her arms was like sliced up and he goes it was a a window into madness he said all of a sudden I just went what the [ __ ] is this and he goes then I realized what the [ __ ] he was like there were like lions man I can't believe I hadn't noticed him before and he goes and all a sudden I was like holy [ __ ] sleeves long sleeves long sleeves and then after a few weeks and then I saw it and because every time sex was in like you have you you had to be in the light light to see it not just and it was just these little like thousands of these little white marks doesn't Lindsay Lohan allegedly have do that really I had a I had a friend who did it who she told me about it it's quite a successful lady now but um and she explained it to me as you uh you're depressed you blame yourself and everyone's telling you that you shouldn't blame yourself you're just sad why do you why do you hate yourself and you can never answer that question but if you cut yourself you're like that's why I hate myself because I'm a [ __ ] up who would do that to themselves I should hate myself I've just cut myself man it gives them the excuse to it's so amazing to me that we spend so much time worrying about [ __ ] that's going on overseas and these other countries and so little time worrying about how how many people are just getting raised in some crazy [ __ ] up way how many people are you know completely unqualified to be having children how many children are suffering under the the guidance and you know parental leadership of these [ __ ] like someone should in invest some something or something something got it's probably got to be done by everybody all at once together there's no way like the government could could fix the problem of stupidity and craziness and abuse in this country there's no way I mean it
but it at least makes some sort of effort to slow it down yeah yeah you know I mean don't children it's almost always something [ __ ] up happens to children and then they start doing [ __ ] like cutting themselves or you know a a lot of you know other disturbing [ __ ] A lot of it is related to uh to sexual abuse the guy from hoarder said whenever shit's involved if he goes to a house and people are storing their [ __ ] or or [ __ ] in diapers and leaving them piled up it's always sexual abuse yeah yeah [ __ ] crazy man we got to fix that there's got to be a way to fix the human fix the animals try not to [ __ ] kids is really the best way isn't it the best way is you you got Mak kids ugly start that way no that's jez that's bad haircuts and horrible clothing we've got to figure out a way to filter every human being through some sort sort of analysis something that lets you know like how [ __ ] up they are and why you know if we could ever measure with like a machine psychological [ __ ] up inness you know if there's a machine you could you could talk all the [ __ ] you want but I'm going to send you through a machine and the Machine comes out like oh no no no no no no no this guy's [ __ ] crazy that would be bad cuz then the government would use that machine and say even though this guy's talking radically logically and normally we know in the back of his head that he's he's a suicide B they would cheat with the machine they would cheat just like the voting machines to Fox I just um I've just bought bought a home and and going through the mortgage uh process I found to be very stressful the only reason why you I mentioned this because of the terrorist thing they asked to see they set me down because I'm not I'm not a citizen right so they asked to see what all my checks were deposited my big money checks that are gone in there what were they and why did I get these checks right to see if I was a terrorist first I have to be an idiot to but they were all like the Chuckle Hut bananas like it was all comedy related and I was going that one's comedy as well that one's also comedy yes no that one's comedy who's Caroline she's comedy as well that's hilarious but I see that yeah I don't know if
Americans have to do that but I was asked whether it was from to fund terrorist stuff or wow wow that's fascinating well what's the point i' have to be the biggest [ __ ] idiot terrorist in the world to go Go Go comedy club comedy club now that one our creator that one is that one's a bad one yeah right like it's all comedy clubs and then sometimes training in the mountains of turkey you ever SE those training videos where the dudes are running with like [ __ ] the rifles over their heads they have like the traditional Afghani outfits on it's really fascinating man fast those those training footages the terrorist training footages like you [ __ ] are out of shape like look at you what kind of [ __ ] killer oh no it it is it is like a little league team trying to play the Yankees yeah exactly we're getting ready we have got you bats now look at this with our homemade ball our bat we made we did not have a ball so we have got rubber bands and got tape and we have got the tape over and over and it's covered in some yuck one of the big UFC fighters got popped for uh steroids this week not steroids but um he test alist over him tested his test testosterone to estrogen was 14 to1 wow yeah which is like normal a normal person is 1 to one and they allow 4 to one right and Nevada allows 6 to one because that used to be the standard up until recently so I shouldn't had all of his hair falling out and stuff no no dude but he looks like a goddamn superhero he looks like a superhero in a movie Alistar overing is not gay I'm not gay or anything but the best built not guy anything you're not anything not anything it's always when I'm talking about a man it's anything right now there's nothing sexual about what I'm saying but he's absolutely the most unrealistically built human I've ever seen like if you see LNO type of yeah but the perfect size like the guy like he's smaller than like Lu fno but ridiculously big you see him you're like what they call him Uber like ridiculous build but he used to fight at 205 he used to be a much smaller much skinnier guy and he packed on all this weight and so uh they don't know what caused this guy to test so high but it's most likely that he was uh supplementing his body's
natural I thought most of them were probably on some type of injections I would wonder what the real numbers are man I would wonder but they're doing things like this now and they're going to find out um they're going to they're going to catch a lot of people because what they're doing is they're doing it randomly like they show up for a press conference no one told them they were going to be drug tested and boom all of a sudden the Nevada State athletic commission is you know taking samples from them so so they didn't have a chance to prepare for it in the past what they would do is they would try to cycle off of it but some people didn't and the people that didn't [ __ ] it up for everybody else cuz then people started testing positive and then people started like they started overturning a few fights have been overturned because of it that should be a reality show Dana should make that like you know where they just jump in like all right we're going to test you now and then that's a terrible idea that's a terrible idea I I don't want to see that I think they're going to have to figure out how many people are actually doing this stuff you know I know uh for sure people have been caught so for sure people are doing it you know and there's the estimations vary from some people say half some people say almost all are doing something some people say it's a small percentage you know you would have to go fight Camp to fight camp and get guys on some sort of an anonymous poll where they were honest with you but knew that they weren't going to get in trouble for it even then I don't think people would be smart to tell the truth it's just you know there there's a uh there's a longstanding tradition in almost every professional sport where people take things that make them better that's a fact and it's because they want to get better at that Sport and their body just can't keep up the work Pace can't keep up the workload you know you can a guy get as big as Mark Maguire got without steroids yeah probably but that [ __ ] better beat and ham sandwiches every 15 minutes and doing squats and deadlifts and and he's got not going to have a whole lot of time for baseball you know that's a goddamn powerlifter physique and he got it by just bang just slamming that needle in
and pumping in that [ __ ] Superman juice and and that's the way you get good at baseball and that bat felt like nothing to him he got up that guy was [ __ ] massive when he was the Home Run King when it was him and and and Sammy Sosa were doing back and forth both of them looked like [ __ ] superheroes man just giant muscles and they would go up and pink and these [ __ ] balls would go flying through through the air into parking lots and [ __ ] and everybody loved it but they didn't love how they did it and it's crazy that Mark Maguire is the only one who really kind of got off the hook about it he he admitted it to get a coaching job like after he had retired but he had shrunk down like a normalized person you look at Barry buns now he looks like at the beginning of his career yeah yeah he slimmed down yeah yeah he's just well you know he was probably doing a lot of crazy [ __ ] in order to get better as he got older you know that's a when you're in your 40s and you're just smashing balls or like Roger Clemens was just throwing crazy heat you know he got better it's it's weird it's weird how you can dip like your a it starts to show the signs of age and then you just charge right back up and everybody's like well that's terrible he's cheating but I'm like God damn it look look how crazy it is though that there's something that you can take that makes you better at Sports and isn't like being better at sports isn't being more athletic isn't being more vibrant a sign of being healthy so shouldn't we be looking at this guy and go isn't it amazing that modern science has allowed Barry Bonds to actually get better as he gets older and maybe allow him to take a little bit of this and a little bit of that as long as he's not getting too crazy because look without that he was a very good baseball player anyway but with that Jesus [ __ ] Christ did [ __ ] get fun at the Ballpark and you look at Barry he seems fine you know I mean no one's stepping in to stop you know uh Ralph you may from eating too much there's no one from the government that's stepping in in the in the name of comedy and stopping him from eating too much is is steroids personal choice better at comedy though is it personal is it personal rage Roid Rage is real that's a ter my analogy was a
terrible analogy forget it was it didn't make sense but I what I was what I was trying to say was that I guess it does make him way better at the sport but I mean why wouldn't something that makes you better at a sport be legal shouldn't it like used properly it seems to me that there's a lot of people that as they get older is there arguments that it gives you cancer or whatever but everything does what the [ __ ] doesn't give you cancer they could say anything gives you cancer at this point you know I think a lot of people think cell phones but there's no cases of it I don't think there's anybody's have a brain tumor from a cell phone have you heard that well there's people who claim they did really have they there's people who've gotten brain tumors but they're not doctors who are saying this but have G oh I think it's because there's so much toxic [ __ ] in a in a person's environment it's so possible if you're not careful with your diet and careful with your your health you know if you could be in the you would live someplace where you don't even realize it and The Whole Town's getting poisoned by some chemical leak or some [ __ ] that's that's happened a bunch of times that's real common it's very difficult out there Jim Jeff it's a it is in this country it's very difficult more chemicals in the food is it you find that uh food tastes different here than in Australia no I find that I find it harder in this country to keep my we off because the chemicals and like eating sort of the same amount I find what is it different like what kind of [ __ ] do you well most I think most beef in Australia is is just grass fit that isn't they just like you know the best for you yeah that isn't just an option I think that's just what beef is in austr and things like MSG is just illegal where it's not over here trans fats are just should be illegal just illegal makes it's so ridiculous that that's not illegal driv well guess what boys so should cigarettes and you're both smokers yeah I mean cigarettes is you know if neither one of you could be hooked on cigarettes wouldn't you choose the thing about MSG is different is I actually have a little reaction I get to MSG I feel a bit Twitchy if I've eaten it I know I've eaten it so I when I go into a Chinese restaurant now I have to go do you have
MSG in they Li you and sometimes they'll lie to me right and how do you know do you I just feel a little bit on age just afterwards my like my nerves are a bit you know what is it the what's the official medical um I I know just allergic to it's it's a very it's a very sort of you know where you get that like uh that tingly feeling in your jaw like that what's that it's that happens to me um but mono sodium glutamate right is that what it is and all it is is a [ __ ] tenderizer or whatever it's not I thought it was like a flavor enhancer like I think it makes meat softer and makes vegetables Greener huh and you know what I mean it gives it color and meats but anyway it's illegal trans fats are illegal in the rest these are things you just don't [ __ ] need stuff well we have a real problem in this country where the giant corporations have essentially completely bypassed the whole system of government and just control politicians I mean they just essentially just buy people out and that's what's been done in this country for the last few de probably you know who knows the argument is forever but the point is right now the way things stand today there's a lot of [ __ ] that's bad for you that's legal there's a lot of [ __ ] there's a lot of damn painkillers that are [ __ ] terribly addictive and they they're passing them out like cookies there's a lot of [ __ ] in this country that's that's [ __ ] up it's you know it's a it's a big mess and what how you know [ __ ] fix this you know what would you do Jim Jeff as an outsider what would I do what what to to fix America yeah I'd bring in healthcare I'm a big believer in health care healthare would do it health care I believe is essential in a in a in a modern society I I I I can't listen to anymore I've lived in Britain where the health is good and I've lived in Australia where the health care is great and the the the arguments that sort of in Republican and on talk back radio where they go I won't have as good health care and and what about my great health care I have now and then I'll have you don't have you can still get Private health care cover this is what people don't get you can still get the good private stuff but you won't have an ailment and not treat you'll
never know the price of one of your ailments right that's the whole thing you never know the price so so at the moment I got a couple of moles cut out my back cuz I had some cancerous moles in my back cut out right the the doctor I with the dermatologist was like it's $1,400 to this and I was thinking that can't [ __ ] be $1,400 to do right so I went and checked with another dermat um dermatologist and they said 500 bucks right now if I just had what happens with uh private healthcare cover in Britain you get everyone gets the same doctors but you're if you're just using um Public Health Care you put on a waiting list so they might look at your Mt and go all right you're two months before you can get that cut out right where if you have the private stuff on top you go straight to the beginning of the list but I never know how much I'm paying or how much they're charging or whatever so it's regulated a lot better over here it feels like getting quotes from [ __ ] mechanics yeah it's totally like that especially dentist out here are the worst like dentist almost are trying to upgrade you with certain things that you POS you pretty much don't need going oh you think you need a filling here cuz they wanted a few it's [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah my dad's trying to give me an visal line yeah mine was trying to give me I got a little bit of crooked teeth is my bottom couple of them are crooked like [ __ ] out of here [ __ ] invis oh it's like invisible braces yeah if you're going to get braces you better get just regular braces I think some dudes got braces and it helped them a lot like Frank Shamrock got braces but his teeth were [ __ ] up my teeth are not that [ __ ] up remember when like Tom Cruz did it like a few years ago like five years ago yeah but was long as his teeth before I don't remember ever looking at his teeth like oh Tom's [ __ ] I don't know he's he's probably crazy if you're that famous you must be completely out of your [ __ ] mind how do you beat Tom Cruz that guy can't go anywhere in the world without someone knowing who he is and yet he's in a crazy cult organization and yet there's rumors of him being gay I mean you want to talk about like a dark circle of Secrets you know if Tom Cruz really is gay that would be the ultimate and it's a rumor that people just never
shut up about and even and I will say even people in the industry yeah oh dude i' I've heard it from so many people that I've heard people say that they thought was out him and Travolta yeah exactly especially Travolta travol I think is they caught him with a a photo of photo of him kissing a guy getting on his plane you know and who was The Nanny and he like come on man you know I mean maybe this just weird like that he could just be but there's a lot of people that say they had sex with him you know and he's just whatever man let the guy be gay who gives a [ __ ] yeah I don't give a [ __ ] if he's gay I would be happier for the guy if he would just come out you know nobody cares it's goddamn John Travolta people love him they love him from site fever they love him from PP fiction they would love him we personally know of course we're not going to say who but we personally know comedians who are gay who keep it under WPS as well the saddest [ __ ] ever is and I always think Comics especially we're meant to be the most honest of them all yeah exactly you I mean we're not playing characters we're playing ourselves I feel like and there's some of them where like Eddie no well the one here's my I'm going to tell say something you tell me you tell me if you agree I find that the ones that keep it in the closet they always have a problem with creativity they always have a problem with coming up with new material because uh they're not they're not really alive in their own life like free and open and you know they're not they're not unrestricted so it's it's more difficult for them come up with material especially cuz they can't draw on real life experiences the gay stuff so they're like really like in this weird pocket of [ __ ] well there there's the ones that are gay that you're not even allowed to say it to them and then there's the ones that amongst the comedy community we can all say the person's gay right right right um but you know there's a fairly famous older black gentleman who we we all know and he gets angry if you oh yeah he'll get very mad yeah you know what I mean yeah he's old school he'll fight you yeah he'll fight you on it and you're like that's there's there's more than one of those by the way there's more than one of those gentle I could have
been talking about either one of them yeah there's I mean there's there's several I think it might be harder in the black community and that might be very ignorant of me to say that but I think it might be harder in a black community of that generation I'd be willing to guess yes I don't know though yeah I don't know but I I think if I had a time machine I don't think I'd go back in time to the black community of that generation I never remember an episode of Good Times where they went oh here's K Barry like yeah dnamage oh my God I don't know maybe it would suck though d r is so [ __ ] funny he said I wish I was gay just so I could come out he's so but he really is that guy he does not give a [ __ ] like he's not pretending to not he really doesn't give a [ __ ] so when he says something I wish I was gay just so I could come out it's like extra funny it is like an extra the little treat they get in life the coming out yeah and have everybody embrace you we love you for your personality we don't care yeah I'd love to have people ring me up one day and go I still love you just just for no reason people who people who haven't said they love me ever just to say they still love me once that would be [ __ ] awesome yeah I think and the people that you lose if you if you're a gay guy and you come out of the closet do you really want that guy in your life I don't want them yeah but see then you get the double one so you lose a grandad but then a few years later he's like you know what I want to be back in your life again and then you get another little present on top yeah if your granddad but then what if he just talks about it while you're fishing how many B you suck last week tell your Grandpa yeah you [ __ ] freak you can't just be with a girl it's really that bad girls are pretty all of a sudden you're stuck on a boat with Angry Grandpa he has a remarkable like truth to that the girls are very pretty he is right you know a lot of them are that's the confusing thing about homosexuality it's what are they thinking well the confusing thing about heterosexuality fight for their right to think that way but I'll never understand it the confusing thing about heterosexualities what the [ __ ] do the
girl see in us that's ridiculous I don't understand why anyone's [ __ ] men on either side no one should be [ __ ] men yeah it doesn't look like fun to me especially when you get into weird [ __ ] that you'll never understand like girls will want to be choked like can you even relate to that we a contortionist last night on the naughty show and she can like put her leg up here and she likes to be choked while [ __ ] like wow that's crazy she likes to triangle herself yeah triangle herself with her she puts her leg over her shoulders yeah does she lock it up yeah wao she triangles herself well that's good because then wow cuz you ever choked a girl and then you got that bit where oh their eyes are just rolled back a bit and you got to oh trying to think if I could triangle myself I don't think I could I don't think you you got to see it man she also has Bend her legs up and put it behind her back her [ __ ] even even though you're flexible I don't think your legs are long enough to CU a girl's leg is longer than a m like proportionately well not only that there's also the the body's thinner so you can compress it more you know when you got body mass it's makes it more difficult to flatten out sure but you'd have to be in some serious flexible so she chokes herself and then what happens she she was just showing us like what her favorite thing while she's getting [ __ ] she was telling you that wow that's a green light son that girl wants a [ __ ] is any was anybody with her dude they're both they did do burlesque here in uh Los Angeles and they do they dress up at storm how she what position she likes to be in when she gets extremely vient I came up to that yeah dude you need to jump on that grenade like a loyal Soldier you need to jump on that grenade please help some someone someone set some has a boyfriend good for good what a good kid what a lucky fella that lad he lucked out she's like this close she said she was this close from being able to eat her own [ __ ] I've seen girls eat their own [ __ ] I have seen a girl do that yeah it's crazy I've cut it out first defeated oh Jeff again score I told you about I I Could Touch the tip of my guys I have to piss so bad please talk for yeah I well actually I got to get going soon should we should we W let
me P rabbit I could I could touch the tip of my penis with uh my tongue but once I do it I'm like this is the gayest thing I've can it's ridiculous isn't it it's like why would I want to do that it's yeah I I've never been able to do that but I don't think I'd even I think you would do it once just to have the yeah it was like an elbow pretty much it was like an elbow What like tastes like an elbow just felt like an elbow like on your tongue I can't I can't touch my elbow with my tongue whose elbows have you been looking well I guess I yeah I can do it no you no you can't almost no not the tips so you can't you can't lick your elbow it must have licked some other girls elbows yeah I've probably nibbled on a couple of girls so the top of your [ __ ] tastes like a girl's elbow yeah that's good now so you have your own now every time I lick a girl's elbow I'm going to feel like I'm sucking a [ __ ] you you have your own uh podcast own podcast with Eddie if called talking [ __ ] on iTunes asking we have bad we Eddie's always ask or telling me about how iTunes is always Tak down in your [ __ ] did they stop did they back off we at the moment we're on but we never get on your note worthy or anything like that we never get into the little thing but that's okay you ever thought about just changing the name Eddie's very attached to it it's uh I you know I'm not too bothered by what changing the name of the podcast cuz iTunes took us down a couple of times so oh yeah what would you call it well at the moment it's it's just it's still talking [ __ ] but we just moved the S over to talking so it's talking's hit oh I used to do that with pepsa paace when I did the Pepsi Space Project oh talking's hit yeah that's not bad that's not that's actually good yeah talking hit that's not bad yeah leave it there yeah everybody knows what the [ __ ] says mhm it's weird isn't it can't have [ __ ] on iTunes really really but what could be in the podcast anything yeah could offend someone to see the word [ __ ] you know what kind of clientele youal even that Mark Maron has WTF everyone knows what that means yeah you know like as long as it's abbreviated yeah but I always I always find those those how insulting is like when you get the the swear word that's
made out of question marks and at symbols yeah you know what gets me freaking this freaking guy pulls this freaking car and someone can do that in front of kids they can do that in front of old people you could say freaking in front end I've seen it's like to it's just a lot of kids translating well it's silly it's it's freaking is silly you're saying [ __ ] you're saying [ __ ] this [ __ ] guy cut me off you're saying that but you're saying it to me in this weird reserved Way by saying freaking are the the Irish the Irish have a word called f f f e c k you [ __ ] idiot you're [ __ ] f and f f f f you know and they had on CNN they they said [ __ ] over and over and over again cuz they're playing back this tape from that Zimmerman guy the 911 call the guy who uh supposedly um uh well he did kill that Trayvon Martin kid you know right right well they were wondering whether or not he said he was on they recorded his phone call with the 911 guy they were wondering whether he said [ __ ] [ __ ] so they're playing over and over and over they bring in all these like special enhancements and at the end they believe he saying [ __ ] cold because it was raining and cold that day in Florida but the mean they spent like 15 minutes playing this back and forth talking about it Wolf Blitzer saying so now ladies and gentlemen if you have kids please I'd like you to ask him to leave the room right now you're going to hear some very strong language we have brought in a voice expert who has analyzed Mr Zimmerman's tone and then he plays it back [ __ ] Coons [ __ ] Coons [ __ ] Coons and then they had brought in a new guy it's really kind of [ __ ] up that they did this this way cuz then they brought in like a new recording and they said well now in this new recording you believe that it's not that correct and the guy goes yes uh when we play it back now it says [ __ ] cold yeah yeah you hear the guy say [ __ ] cold you already had that information but you played all this other [ __ ] where it said [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] you knew that's not what he said you drew people in and kept me listening tricking me with your old information you played back your old information to rope people in you [ __ ] whoever did that is dirty that's
a dirty move [ __ ] cuz I was hearing that guy my opinion changed of him as I was driving my opinion changed I'm here [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm like whoa he's calling [ __ ] [ __ ] really like wow this motherfucker's on phone he's on 911 and he's calling this kid a [ __ ] [ __ ] this this is what they had me believing and then I'm like wow guy was probably a piece of [ __ ] and then I hear fu Fu cold like oh he's kind of a [ __ ] kind of a whiner which makes sense in the first place if he you know if even if his story is true if the 17-year-old kids on top of him beating him up I I also have to urinate dude let's get this [ __ ] thing over with if you look for Jim on Twitter it's Jeff Jeff j e r i s I [ __ ] up and tweeted earlier another guy who impersonates me on the other spelling some fake ass [ __ ] there's a lot of them out there folks don't be one you have the power to control your right life right Jim you certainly do I don't know you can give it a go give it a go check out their podcast check out the Des Squad where we will be doing an ice house Chronicles tomorrow night like tonight oh tonight what's today right now oh [ __ ] we're going to do another podcast moments from now but by the time you hear this if you're in your car it's already taking place the only way to hear it though is to go to Des squad on iTunes uh And subscribe and there's a bunch of other podcasts in there all of them at this point in time all of them are funny are you happy with all of them m I'm really happy new ones we got uh with Dana Deon and Ryan Keeley we muff said's a comic book one and then last night we started sex Squad back up with uh beautiful how you going to do that when girl the girl a girl still calling it sex Squad I don't care what she does oh come on Brian you're confusing the [ __ ] out of people you should been she's confusing the [ __ ] out of people I say I say you let them have that I say you be a big bigger better man and let it has the word squad in it it wasn't her show yeah there's a lot a lot of people talk I didn't really want to talk about this but let's talk about this real quick I go to somebody I'm go like hey I want to do a show on my podcast it's a sex based podcast and I'm going call it sex cast and then Jaden Cole goes why don't you just call it sex Squad and I'm like okay yeah that makes
sense and then I'm like hey do you want to come on the show and then do you want to come on the show somebody else and somebody else and then they just kind of stopped talking me and like hey we're taking a show listen I completely agree with with you on that they should have said something to you and that's it's not cool for them to leave and take the name but all I'm saying is let them what do you care you can have another name they could take another name but why you know why because I created a show I was co-host the show I paid for the show I did the show and it was not their show to begin with they were there were people on the show understand I understand but they wanted to go and do it on their own they should have changed the name but why don't why wouldn't you just because I don't give a [ __ ] you know I don't give a [ __ ] okay I would just say that you know the the girl it's it's you're like Pretty much telling me you're like right now don't use that avatar on Facebook no that's not what I'm saying man yes you are I'm saying look they you were going to do this show with them you're not going to do it anymore you're going to do another one and it was supposed to not be with them 100% it was supposed to be other people on the show it was them sometimes they kind of just took squatted on the show didn't you only do it with them yeah but Ryan Keeley and a couple other people where were supposed to be on the show at at points of time but they kind of talk me out of it type stuff okay but they so they did talk you out of it though and all the episodes they did were with just them no one time they had Ari shaffir but I was the host of the show okay I'm the one that person like hey this is Brian coming here from ice we're here again what's up Jaden how you doing today in in all fairness in all fairness and I'm on your side for this because first of all you can't just take a guy show if he's the host of it and you're on you tell him and run somewhere else but didn't that Jaden Cole guy didn't she actually come up with name I just told you exactly what happened I said I wanted to do a podcast it was called sex cast and she goes you should call it SE uh sex Squad because the it's on the death squad podcast Network yes I heard that but didn't that's her name then she invented it she could do whatever she
[ __ ] wants I'm the one that [ __ ] used it and made paid for it and made a podcast with it you're getting crazy you're getting so angry without a debt without me creating death or me using death squad and her knowing death squad would she have ever used uh the word qu Squad who knows exactly so she could say that she took the half of 50% of it from me but isn't there other sex squads online is there like there there's a [ __ ] tons of sex squads I didn't create sex Opie didn't Anthony no or whatever it's uh you know it's it's there's actually another company that makes sexual harassment videos for [ __ ] school so it's not even something that's original anyway I know dude but all I'm saying is look she shouldn't taking it for sure you know you know she shouldn't take it I could [ __ ] sit here and put show you about 50 text messages that I got from Jaden James okay okay let's let's wait wait I could do that but I didn't but you know what she did she went on her website made blogs about it [ __ ] posted [ __ ] about it I could say show the [ __ ] that she was saying yeah don't you kind of feel bad that that's her that that's what she's doing don't you kind of feel bad I feel bad feel bad about this whole situation I feel bad but you know what they're not using the sex Squad name they had they started the first Tuesday show they're they're calling it something like sex squid or it's just spelled sex Squad let them do whatever the [ __ ] they want I don't give a [ __ ] all I said is why don't you please not use the word squad because it confuses a show that we already started with sex let let me just clarify one thing I don't ever like to get as worked up about a stupid name as you just did well I don't like to get bashed on somebody if you got bashed on somebody you get mad list you're not getting batched by a balanced person I certainly would but you could have avoided this conflict with her if she wants to do cuntish things and take that elsewhere you tell her no but I thought J was a good friend of mine she didn't [ __ ] say one word to me she didn't make one call they said that they that I didn't return phone calls and stuff they made [ __ ] up about me they can [ __ ] eat a dick that's unfortunate but that's called [ __ ] slander and I didn't even [ __ ] do
[ __ ] but listen to all these [ __ ] are coming out your mouth don't let them have that kind of power over you man just cut them loose cut them loose in life don't don't hate on them anyways the new the new podcast is great okay I'm glad we we called another name the new sex Squad how about that the new sex Squad review it's butt sex Squad with Dana de Dana dear Dana in her giant butt remember when she told us she has a giant butt she's awesome listen man I don't like you see seeing you get all worked up like that you got I don't like getting uh I don't like lies uh talking [ __ ] on me and slander I understand if they would have just came to me and like hey can we do this podcast somewhere else i' be like you know what okay what didn't you like about the podcast doing listen let's end this [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] all right folks [ __ ] goddamn show is over Jim Jeffrey show starts in about 10 minutes he's not even going to make it there on time we've kept him here late with some nonsense arguments uh I I you you both in the right Jim Jeff you're a powerful individual a hilarious standup comic thank you very much for being on the show you are [ __ ] thank you to the Fleshlight you know what to do go to the Fleshlight enter in the code name Rogan save yourself 15% oh [ __ ] I said it you heard it go to hit.com o n niit t and use the code name Rogan to pick up your shroom Tech your Alpha brain your shroom Tech immune or your F Well we got a lot of [ __ ] coming out we got kettle bells coming out too son um see you dirty freaks use con Rogan save 10% and uh we will see you guys uh next week lots of fun [ __ ] next week all right lots of surprises see you guys [Music]